#your all my silly jesters and I am king

[deepestturtlepielover]

Odo has at least a couple times changed into a cat cause nobody can resist a cat also it’s a great way to gather information and stalk quark 👁️👁️

[amarynthian-chronicles]

Hello, hello!

Welcome, make yourself comfortable, here are some cakes, tea and hot chocolate, and enjoy your stay. In this little pocket dimension of a blog, you will mostly find posts about our Celestial Jesters and other FNAF content, along with space-themed aesthetic, writing, some silly whimsical quotes, comfy vibes and similar.

I shall be tagging my own writing posts under "jester's privilege chronicles" (these are especially for my longer works) and "amary's chronicles" (these are especially for my shorter little scenes), to make it easier to navigate or find them. For answered asks the tags are "amary answers" and "amary speaks", to find them easily in case they get buried in reblogs. As of recent, I made the tag "amary's art" for my doodles, although I am still a beginner.

Under the cut are links to my AO3 fics and summaries of the current ones, if you are interested!

Have a lovely day and enjoy your stay!

Jester's Privilege Chronicles series:

Sound the Bells: You are a mermaid in charge of the daunting task of managing the sea and your court consists of playful twin Leviathans and an uncooperative Kraken. You also have the disadvantage of being an utter disaster at this mermaid business and you live on land in human form, having the swimming skills of a rock.

Your sea monsters are not too thrilled with you living on land, so they love to cause shipwrecks and general mayhem to get your attention. You try to place a stop to this by having them spend a month with you in the town of Celestial Bay disguised as animatronics.

Sun is thrilled to explore human technology, Moon prowls the night threatening city council members into making better legal acts to protect the sea against pollution, and Eclipse's natural protective Kraken instincts are getting a tad bit out of hand and making him the friendly neighbourhood serial killer. He loves quick solutions to complex problems.

Officer Vanessa is the only one brave enough to keep knocking on your door for some explanations. She is also in charge of a very confused police unit that really needs to get some sleep.

Extended Contract: You are a witch that fell for the oldest trick in the book by giving your name to the mischievous Fae princes of the Celestial Court. Such an inconvenience on what was supposed to be a typical office night. You are honestly not having it. They, however, do seem quite happy about having you. You decide to make a deal with the Fae King to regain your freedom. The only thing that is functional in the whole situation is your phone signal in the Fae Kingdom.

Tip the Scales: You are a charismatic defense lawyer in a constant competition with two ruthless prosecutors that do not understand your ideals about criminals deserving a second chance. You are also housemates with a certain bitter and retired judge, who has a habit of operating at night as a cloaked figure known as the Judge of the Damned, serving justice as he deems fit according to his own moral ideals. In order to solve his frequent habit of going after your clients, you two had established a game of Tip the Scales to keep a balance of which person deserves redemption and who is condemned to damnation. Things get complicated when an old friend gets wrongfully accused. You do all in your power to convince your prosecutor rivals to secretly cooperate with you and help clear his name before you lose the game.

Our Guest: You arrive at a sinister and luxurious castle with the innocent intention of checking why its mysterious residents haven't been paying any taxes or utilities for the past several centuries. Very useful excuse for a vampire hunter to have when trying to do some good old infiltrating. The three vampire lords, however, fully intend to capture and seduce you, possibly give your pretty neck a bite or two, but all of that does get a bit complicated when you are being such a tease and constantly asking them about their financial books. Will they succeed in the task of making you theirs, dear Y/N? And are they onto your little schemes?

[thatdeadaquarius]

When I’m playing genshin, I’m mostly listening to either Paternity Court, or Steve Wilkos. Imagine the characters hearing all of the stuff and being so scandalized by the results and comments. Or being genuinely disgusted and heartbroken for the victims in more serious cases. I can def see a good chunk of them being invested

I don’t think I’ve listened to those yet! I do occasionally get on a true crime binge listen, however the weirdest thing my characters have heard has gotta be Game Grumps episodes or compilations lol

What if i listened to every season of Buzzfeed Unsolved.

What would we do then my Genshin characters, my people, what then.

I saw someone else write about this true crime documentary thing but they described everyone being pretty terrified or disgusted by the podcasts

Which I definitely think some would be literally horrified lmao

But also I think a lot of them definitely would be invested-

I mean shit,

you're listening to your God and they just start playing this like uncomfortably detailed intricate crime case/murder report???

I would be so interested in what kind of person they were, and why they were listening to true crime stuff, 

so needless to say characters like Heizou and Yelan would definitely be into it, maybe Kujou Sara as well?

I can see Zhongli getting into it too and Raiden

I mean don't get me wrong plenty would be disturbed

like rest in peace Barbara 🙏

but like it would be fascinating to them too!!

cuz they don't know anything about our world so they could learn a lot about it thru listening to this stuff

tho it probably cause a lot of confusion whenever they hear things like phone or computer or car lol

you know stuff that hasn't been invented yet for them or there is no equivalent, but they

would deffo interrogate u about ur world when u get to Teyvat

♤

okay but on a more silly motherfucker note-

what if I was playing Game Grumps around them lol, would they be like oh my God our Creator has the best comedians or hilarious friends

like you know how a king has jesters? 😭

I feel like they would think that instead of a recording definitely, especially because most of these things are just people talking and not like, a speech or something

because audio recordings could exist for them, they would probably get it in concept, they do have Ley lines that do that afterall (and now Kameras)

♧

Omg,

oh no, would they think that you're getting these reports in person??  Or even like your SOLVING all these crimes?? 

esp bc I know myself and I tend to sometimes be talking to Genshin characters like,

"damn that's how he got arrested? How stupid he could've blah blah blah i sound like a hardened cop playing a gacha game lmao blah blah...."

it'd be so funny to see that one play out

when u get whisked away to teyvat and Heizou and Yelan are just:

"oh my God can you help us with all these cases we love your mind, or get your servants to help us?"

THEY WOULDNT EVEN BELIEVE U IF U TRIED TO BE LIKE "no no please ur the professionals idk wtf im doing guys-"

Heizou/Yelan: 🤨🤨

"likely story Most Honorable God, but we heard quite the fascinating theories just last week before u descended, hmmm...."

u cant win, 

honestly everyone would probably just assume ur not only the god who created/built teyvat but also have a domain in justice, comedy or honestly whatever u be playing all the time, including music, people would definitely think ur a music god too

esp if ur like me and u just turn on a cool Spotify playlist while u play sometimes, like they've probably never heard so many radically different genres songs, and so many back to back

(could definitely see a myth about u having an immortal inexhaustible musician band that has access to all the songs of the universe that u make them play for you, once again, would be hard to deny bc that's a pretty accurate description of spotify lol)

♡

srry abt my ✨️ass writing✨️ anon!!

I am getting to these old asks so late I hope u guys r alright with getting answered so late, ya boy has been busy 

Im busy partially bc i have a end of year art exhibition!

Basically at my university, if ur an art major, u have to have some of ur best work from ur time at university and display it in a Senior year art exhibition in the university's art museum! Its super cool! And stressful! :D!!

Anyway im so happy i have no object permanence bc everytime i open my drafts or my inbox, even the old asks :( , are  a new surprise every time :D lmao

Safe Travels,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[krasytoonz]

Speech Examples!

King Wally

“What’s a Peasant like YOU doing here! Goodness, you STINK!”

“No, I don’t like this. I don’t like this one either. You are supposed to READ my MIND! Can’t you already figure out what I like and don’t like?”

“I was a bit rude. I know that. But I will not apologize for it. Because I am King.”

“AHHH!! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?! GUARDS! SOMEONE! SAVE ME!!! THIS FOUL LOOKING THING IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!”

Jester Barnaby

“What do you call Tea that doesn’t have (T)ea?… Just Ea.”

“Hey, don’t go about and hang your head down like that! You did great, buddy. What matters is the effort you put in!”

“I know a place where we can go and relax. Maybe daydream or take a nap! Doesn’t that sound nice?”

“I actually got some tricks up my sleeves!… Well, I don’t got any sleeves. But you get it!”

Castle’s Greatest Knight

“Do you think that maybe he might like me back?”

“Being a Knight doesn’t mean you have to just ‘be’. You’ve got to act and look like one too!”

“Stand STRAIGHT! What are you even worthy of if you can’t even do one simple thing!!”

“I may be merciful, but do not take me for a Fool. So do not treat me like one.”

The Advisor

“That is so funny, because the last time I remember you was… Never. I don’t think you are even good enough to be in the storage of my memories.”

“You see, because ‘pie’ is a consumable good, but ‘pi’ is a maths symbolism that equals to 3.14, it is the reason why you are DUMB. Those are NOT THE SAME THINGS.”

“This is NOT how ECONOMY WORKS, Your Majesty. The people are starving and YOU KNOW THAT!”

“For the love of God I will literally burn you ALIVE if you say one more thing out of that stupid mouth of yours!”

Castle’s Maid

“GAWK!! THE voices.. The noises.. Oh, they’re SPEAKING to me again!”

“No, no no, it isn’t the Castle this time, I know it! Please, believe me! There are things wrong with this Kingdom — HORRIBLY WRONG!”

“It’s a CURSE!! I knew that because I went to this Fortune-Teller and she told me that THIS WILL HAPPEN! GAWK!!”

“Breathe in.. Breathe out.. No, this wouldn’t work! This is silly! Let’s get out of here and run away elsewhere while we still can!”

The Anarchist

“Boasting will do you no good. I don’t like ‘mysteries’ or ‘surprises’ either. Show it to me and I’ll believe you.”

“Somebody who only talks big, but not ‘walk the talk’, is not to be respected. I hope you understand what that means.”

“WHAT IN THE- Julie! SALLY! STOP POKING THAT THING! IT’S GOING TO CRUMBLE DOWN!! GODDAMMIT YOU TWO!”

“Don’t you know it’s dangerous to walk alone in the Alleyway?! Are you out of your mind?!! Stick beside me, I know a shortcut.”

Julie Joyful (in Disguise Name: King-Queen-Royal Julien the III)

“Wow, that was.. SUPER DUPER AWESOMESAUCESNESS!! CAN WE DO IT AGAIN?!”

“AAHHHH!! I AM SO SO SO EXCITED! Let’s go and look for more Mushrooms. Did you KNOW that Sally can cook really good Mushroom soup?”

“Uhhh… Uhhhhheeeerrrrmmmm… I forgot. I’m sorry, but, I’ll try my best to remember. I promise! PINKIE PROMISE!”

“If you want a hug, just know that I am always here. Don’t you waste your tears, my Friend!”

Bounty Hunter Sally

“So we got Buggy and Pinkie on the team. You in or you out?”

“HA! No one can EVER come between ME and Pinkie! You can try all you want but you CAN’T ever separate the two of us!”

“Determination is my greatest Skill! Test me if you like but I WON’T back down from a good ramble! Bring it on! Wahhahaa!!”

“These monsters aren’t actually monsters, but they are just sensitive to Fire and Light and all that stuff. Best you put it away.”

Royal Courtier Sunny

“Yes, very very informative…! Uh, so, when is the festival again?”

“Oooh! That looks DASHING on you! Totally cute and fashionable! Wear it!”

“Morals are very important! You see, without them, people will become violent!”

“Do not fear! I will sacrifice myself if needed! You can rely on me!”

Castle (speaks in onomatopoeia)

“CREEK! THUMP! CRRRRAAAACKKK!” (Fuck u and ur dad and ur mom and ur siblings)

“Thump. Thump. THUMP.” (Thump thump thump.)

“Creek!” (Flowers! I love flowers!)

[herssian]

You have so many deep, quotable lines as if you've finished writing a very poetic, soul-searching book, and it's really made all the more magnificent by the fact your previous post was about how fucking stupid you are.

are you saying i'm mischaracterizing myself. are you commenting "is this an au lmfao" to my canon-tagged fic of real life. mocking my innermost thoughts just because i am a silly little goose on the occasion, indeed even known to often partake in some humorous quipping. can a bard not sing between bouts of foul spell casting. can the court jester not wish condolences to the fallen consort's king before continuing their silly little act as is their calling in life. will you submerge in cleansing waters and mask your shed sins as the lake's poisoned depths

[an4mations]

AU? I honestly don't know at this point.

I was just scrolling through Youtube as usual, when I stumbled upon this (Original song here). It may not seem like much to others, but this has a special place in my heart. I used to watch this on repeat for so many hours XD

The point is, when I saw this in my recommendations, I immediately played it, giggling and kicking my legs as nostalgia washed over me. When suddenly (or rather unfortunately) I got an idea. Or two actually, when I pondered upon my silly little thought for a moment.

So, from the first until 00:24:-

"I am the jester, my job's to entertain. And it seems that soon enough it too will be my job to reign. Over all that you see, over all that you know. As the king is slowly dying, any moment he could go. Yes the king is slowly dying, any moment he will go."

I am imagining Dream and Nightmare. Dream being the king, and Nightmare as the jester.

Nightmare is standing in front of the tree of life, smiling as he took a bow while introducing himself. The camera spans across the tree and focuses on Dream, who was chatting and laughing with the villagers. The camera slowly pans across the crowd, finally returning to Nightmare who had a wide grin plastered across his face.

From 00:50 to 1:11 (or 1:37):-

"What good is a crown if the brow it sits on is that of a dead man? I'll wear my cap and painted smile with pride, my trusty baton in my hand. And you will see me, sire, I'll make my way back to you. You cannot stop me sire, your time is up, I see right through you!"

Dream is shown to be cheerily chatting with the villagers, though a quick glimpse can be seen of a tendril shot through his bleeding eye socket. The atmosphere returns to normal, with Nightmare smiling as the camera zooms in on his eerie smile, right before the black apple in his hand. Nightmare is then seen walking upto Dream as a black liquid slowly engulfs his figure, with multiple tendrils emerging from his back as he is both physically and mentally corrupted by the liquid. Dream stares at his once-loving brother in horror, backing away only to stumble upon a rock and fall on the grass. The atmosphere feels rather intimidating and threatening, as Nightmare inches closer to the fallen Guardian. His smile only grows wider as he crouches down in front of the scared Guardian. He chuckles as his tendril grows sharp, and in a split second cracks the now not-so positive Guardian's skull.

This is mostly a rough layout for the animatic in my head which I may or may not get to. Boy do I love writing. Also, this is the main style of writing that will be seen across my fics (if I ever write one that is). So, yeah. Been thinking about this for an hour now.

.

.

.

@salzab @liliallowed :)

[artnerd1123]

hmmm...14 and 22 for the asks >:3

OUGH GETTIN JUICY ARE WE

14: Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

Oh god, this one’s hard bc I try my best not to poke my head into fandom at large nowadays HDJJDD

Buuuut I am HUGE handshake with u on the hk fandom and how they babify ghost/strip them of agency. That’s our player character, they’re not doing all this because they’re feral and don’t know any better. They act with purpose. They literally kill god and they know what their goal is the whole time. Absolutely they can be goofy and silly and reckless but just bc they’re short doesn’t mean they’re a literal baby??? Dude. We don’t even have proper ages for them other than, oh I dunno, THE KINGDOM FELL INTO RUIN AND LOST KNOWLEDGE IN THE TIME GHOST WAS GONE. If they’re still a sheltered naiiive kid despite being several decades (maybe even hundreds) of years old and having experience going through many kingdoms outside hollownest I… what?

Anyway

Only other one I have a lot of beef with is the dicey fandom. Bc the most popular ship is… luck and jester. Which I personally do not enjoy and squicks me out VERY BADLY due to how luck treats jester in canon. But ah well. Such is what the block button is for ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ y’all do u, I’ll not rain on ur parade, just pls do not bring it near me thank u <333

22: Popular character you hate?

Honestly im afflicted with ‘enjoys most of the popular characters’ disease for a lot of my fandoms 😔 I do recognize my faves need to step out the spotlight to let others shine (looking at u dimentio) and get VERY oversaturated quickly, which is a bummer :/

Other than that uhhh idk. Not a huge fan of tiso hk. Squidward soundin ass rude man hdjdjdj. No shade to those he appeals to, I just don’t get it X]

Oh and I think William afton is a loser old man but he’s def not on the HATE hate list HHDJDJKD I just wanna dunk him into hell and leave him there <3 he’s not babygirl 2 me <333

Edit: HOW DID I FORGET PALE KING. Fuck that guy entirely

[raiha-storm65557]

Snippet: The kings jester

I laid there, holding the book over my head using both arms. My note taking was as useful as ever, from jokes my king and his family liked to their habits and behaviour. I flipped through the pages, some having poems, some jokes, some drawings. The jester’s handbook they called it. It wasn't all that wrong, it received that nickname because I always had it with me, but it's more of a notebook, really. I stopped at one page, ah… the dogs! Once, I tested a theory on soothing this family. When one would get upset, I'd simply asked, would you like a dog? Truth be told I still do that with his majesty. I’ve given him dozens of my dogs by now. They are fiery creatures of my own design; he takes them to battle or executions. Sooner or later, one will have fallen and I'll replace it soon enough. But my kings second daughter didn't like them at all. The first time I asked her, she hadn't even seen them yet, but she looked horrified and insulted, I had to save myself by saying she was right, elegant cats fit her more than some bloodhounds. The king sat himself next to me, his hand rested next to my head, he must be in a good mood to not scold me for laying so carelessly. Yet again I am a jester, it is expected of me to be a fool. We joked and chatted. "A dog, my king?" I teased, offering one like a mere drink. "HA! I should just lock you up and take all of your dogs for myself right now!" he responded, smiling brightly, joy in his eyes. It only took a second for me to think and close my book, smiling. "You'll have to catch me first." I smirked and bolted out of the room, hearing him laugh. Soon enough he got up to go along with my silly game of tag.

---x---

I don't remember what had set me off but it wasn't him. This game of tag was no longer a game and it was not because of anything he or I had done. I ran, feeling how I trembled and shook. Down to the cells I went. They were a perfect hiding place.

Thick grey stone walls, metal doors with only a small slid as a way to look into the cells and even those could be closed. Total isolation. No one would want to go here. I knew how to open them from the inside, they had one flaw and no one but me knew of. Every door had at least one flaw. I noticed a figure following me and I bolted into the first free cell, hearing the door lock behind me. I squeezed my mouth shut using both of my hands, my whole from pressed together to be as small as I could be, huddled together against the door in hopes that if someone were to look in, I'd be in the dead spot of their vision. I felt my own breath against my fingers, quick and unsteady, was I hyperventilating? The sound of the slid opening filled my ears. I almost didn't dear glance up but when I did, I was meet with the kings’ eyes staring down at me. Those yellow-orange eyes that I'd learned to respect... He looked calm, he wasn't saying anything, did he know I was hiding? He already knew better than anyone that I could free myself from these, no any cells. He looked to his left and a spark of rage fill him. He looked down at me again in a way that said "don't worry about it" before closing the slid and leaving me by myself. I didn't dare move...

Tag list: @shesadollette I posted it, you happy now? Also @kaiflameheart since you like king stuff

[oddlyspecificemojiblog]

Intro!

I made this blog based of a joke! But I’m taking it seriously!

So me and my partner want emojis for very very oddly specific funny scenarios and I have decided that’s exactly what I’m going to do

My partner is a system, and all the system emojis are based off their personal experiences and I am a singlet who is their silly little art jester and I will jingle HAPPILY for my king. So be nice about them, and if you want a specific emoji for your OWN experiences feel free to request them.

Please only make ONE request at a time! Wait until I complete your first request before making another ! It just helps me feel less overwhelmed by too many requests! I also have a FULL time job! So it make take a little extra longer for me to put out emojis but I will get to as many as I can!

I will do my best to tag everything, but if you want something specifically tagged please feel free to ask

Also I will do fandom and introject (specific) emojis

If I don’t want to do your request, I don’t have to. I will not do any that make me uncomfortable, or simply don’t wish to and I will tell you if I do not plan on doing your request.

ALSO

I will NOT be doing

Dsmp / MCYT

Hazbin hotel or helluva boss or anything vivziepop related

The amazing digital circus

420 related ones

Critical Role

[princeofbriar]

silly little goofball reader x vil thoughts

ive pondered the idea of a pomefiore reader insert for a while. one that's silly, a class clown really. i am pretty partial to jesters tho and twst has an agonizing lack of harlequin-esque characters for a fairytale based game. where are my diamond print tights and jingly little hats??? im literally dying here.

i much prefer actual dorm related reader inserts to the generic you-are-yuu inserts. dont get me wrong, i like both, but i think it can get boring if EVERY insert or scenario is the same one. ill have to post more about other inserts i might consider writing blurbs for.

i think bouncing off of vil, rook, and epels personalities would be prime for a little funnyman. you're not exactly disruptive or chaotic, but you like to have a good time and crack jokes. oftentimes met with the chagrin of vil, who tries very hard not to humor your little games. he doesn't hide his grin behind his hand, because youre not funny at all. if you prank the other dorms or do things out of sight of vil, that's one thing, but you don't get to be a little clown right in his line of sight.

vil's your king and you're his silly little guy. i think it leaves room for a very close relationship only privy to the two of you (and rook) because others just see you getting in trouble with your dorm leader, but you respect him in your own way. you certainly wont tolerate any bad talk about your beloved senpai. and despite being a shit-stirring little so and so, you do listen to vil when he tells you that you have to follow a skincare routine and he's kind enough to give you tips on your theatrical makeup. (whats that meme of the two girls, one sitting on the other while she does the other girls makeup? thats the type of energy for this relationship)

epel is grateful to have at least one upperclassman who isnt so caught up in trying to make him act like someone he's not. you're more than happy to sneak sweets and junk food with him, and make the punishment for getting caught at least partly bearable (if it werent for your awful puns).

[fluffypotatey]

When I started LMK, like. just last month actually, I was ELATED to see Wukong like that was a fluffy silly monkey!! Like ain't no wayyyy they're just gonna introduce him like "yeah so I met THE monkey king and told me I was his successor and then I never saw him again?" shows who thought of doing that always changed their mind, so hooray! reoccuring character! I know nobody sees Wukong as a dad but I think of JTTW where he's the communal grandfather of all monkeys and like. I like me a Monkey King whose a KING and not a Monkey Jester looking out for his family of monkies on the mountain. im soft. he's like alone in his species. give him a monkey family. give me a good leader. he loves them SO MUCH. anyways. he's so squishy too like when MK was all "whaaat? but you're so cute and cheeky!" and Wukong was all "I KNOW" im crying, also when he was gushing over the bunnies on the moon. the line about "dorky mortals" what a goofball. but ooh the GOOD STUFF like when his voice goes all deep and growly when he's actually serious and angry like YES WRECK SOME STUFF UP. protective Swk is so good, and when he crashed onto the ship whumped out to hell and back OOH that was good too, so yum yum, and reminded me a ton of my old fav bc the whole "lying/pretending to be chill and relax kind of guy when you're actually doing Secret Important Business" is 100% his thing, but this time it actually gets revealed to the others lol. but yeah that aspect of Wukong is so fun because I can write so many tactical schemes with him. I love how they dragged him out of retirement to still be cool and active. "You should have stayed buried." had me on the edge of my seat as one of the first Things Are About To Get Real moments. Its also neat how sometimes his dialogue shows slivers of his Great Sage Wisdom Style of Speaking coming out. I went to rewatch that ep and also forgot how much of a stupid cartoon villain Macky was there lmao, I was hoping they wouldn't send him blasting off like team rocket every episode, at least that's started to change as of S4 XD I wonder if the theories about the journey failing hold any merit, stuff like "Wukong is not the loner he pretends to be" and all the other itty bitty behavioral clues are so fun to dig into.

HE IS SUCH A GOOFBALL 😍😍😍 i love this monkey man so much like you don’t even know 🤧

“you should’ve stayed buried” <- RIGHT HERE YOUR HONOR!!!! THIS WAS THE MOMENT!!! THE POINT OF NO RETURN FOR ME 🫠

up until s2 i had been waiting to see swk really fuck shit up bc he is one of the most op characters ever written and he’s such a fun guy in general, so to see him go from teasing DBK to THREATENING LBD WAS SO GOOD!!!!

I BELIEVE IN PROTECTIVE!SWK SUPREMACY 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐 I BELIEVE IN SWK HOLDING BACK UNTIL HE KNOWS HE CANNOT (and even then he is still holding back like wtf) FOR THE SAFETY OF THE PEOPLE HE CARES ABOUT 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐

i am also a firm grandpa swk believer because yeah i’m not a big fan on labeling swk as a father figure (especially to MK) but if i had to place a familial label then i dub thee Grandpappy™️ Monkey King. he’s lived long enough to earn this title (also i think swk even calls himself grandpa to his subjects in jttw but i may have heard that wrong) but i also wouldn’t say no to Distant Uncle™️

but yeah, swk <3 he’s my little guy 🥰 my special murder boy 🥰 my precious “consumed by past regrets that span over centuries” guy 🥰 my “i have lived for a long, long time” immortal

[perpetuareality]

listen. i hate caliborn as much as the next girl, but the fucking chess trick he pulled off was really fucking funny

like callie my sweet dearest precious callie, i love you, but this is fucking awesome LOL

(transcript under the cut)

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU] uu: SO FuCKING SMuG. HAVE I MENTIONED LATELY HOW GREAT IT'S GOING TO BE WHEN YOu'RE DEAD? uu: JuST BECAuSE YOu HAVE NEVER LOST A MATCH. DOESN'T MEAN YOu WON'T LOSE THE GAME THAT REALLY MATTERS. uu: NOR DOES IT EVEN MEAN YOu'LL WIN THIS ONE. IT'S FAR FROM OVER. TRuST ME. uu: "BISHOP TO C6." undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu] UU: why have yoU been enclosing all yoUr moves in qUotes? UU: yoU have really been acting so odd this match. UU: knight to d6. UU: look oUt! i'm coming for her. UU: i think she's langUished behind the front lines long enoUgh, woUldn't yoU say? UU: time to shake things Up. move her, or take my knight. UU: yoU know yoU want to take her. jUst look at her there. what a cheeky intrUsion. slithered right into yoUr palace and made herself comfy. maybe she'll lay an egg once she's finished her feast. ^U^ UU: might as well take her oUt. yoU know when the action begins and pieces start to fall, that's when yoU make all yoUr most creative mistakes! UU: anyhoo, far from over yoU say? UU: no, i don't imagine this game will be taking Up mUch more of oUr time. uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu] UU: that's a fine attitUde. maybe yoU are finally making some progress in the realm of sportsmanship? UU: qUeen to g7. UU: checkmate. ^U^ uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU] uu: NO IT ISN'T. undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu] UU: what are yoU talking aboUt? UU: don't be a poor sport again. yoU were doing so well there, relatively speaking. UU: the game is over. better lUck next time, "bro." ^u^ uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU] uu: IT IS NOT OVER. "SIS." uu: LOOK AT THE BOARD CLOSER. uu: I AM NOT IN CHECKMATE. undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu] UU: i have no idea what yoU're babbling aboUt. soUnds like desperation to me. UU: i am looking at the pieces. yoUr king cannot step anywhere that does not pUt him in check. UU: nor can the threat to him be eliminated by other means. UU: yoU have been mated. UU: the king is dead. UU: yoUr enchantment has failed. uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU] uu: THAT IS NOT MY KING. undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu] UU: this is becoming silly. UU: Unless yoU have something to say aboUt the game which actUally makes sense, i am done with it. UU: i have more important things to do. uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU] uu: YOu ARE NOT DONE WITH ANYTHING. uu: uNLESS YOu WANT TO FORFEIT. uu: LOOK CLOSER AT THE "KING" AND "QuEEN." uu: AND THEN. uu: REMOVE THEIR CROWNS. undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

[Image ID: A pair of hands taking off little form-fitting headpieces of a king and queen piece of the same colour on a chessboard. The headpieces belong to the opposite piece (the king piece wears a queen hat, and viceversa). Both the pieces and the headpieces are red. Other red pieces, as well as green pieces, can be seen atop the chessboard, but these are unaltered.

A little meter ranging from an unhappy jester mask to a happy jester mask can be seen at the bottom of the image as an overlay. This meter is very low, and there are little bolts of lightning surrounding it. End ID.]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu] UU: oh bloody hell. UU: THIS was yoUr "enchantment?" UU: are yoU serioUs??????????? UU: UUUUUUUUUUUgh. this is yoUr shittiest twist yet! uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU] uu: WELL PLAYED "SIS!" uu: YOu CHECKMATED MY QuEEN! uu: AAH! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! uu: THIS IS SO FuCKING FuNNY. undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu] UU: i am jUst astonished. UU: not at the gUile of yoUr little ploy, bUt by the fact that yoU actUally seem to think this was a clever rUse. UU: it is jUst so painfUlly daft, i... UU: i am speechless! uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU] uu: NEVER SAW SOMEONE SPEECHLESS. WHO HAD SO MuCH TO TYPE. uu: I THOuGHT YOu OF ALL PEOPLE WOuLD APPRECIATE MY MODIFICATIONS. uu: THE CROWNS ARE REALLY NICE AND WELL CRAFTED. uu: FORM FITTING. HARDLY ADDING ANY HEIGHT. uu: LIKE CAPPING. uu: A TOOTH. uu: YOu WERE COMPLETELY FOOLED. uu: AND NOW THE COVETED PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT BETWEEN uS. uu: BELONGS TO ME. undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu] UU: this is absUrd. UU: yoU nagged incessantly for me to allow yoU to reverse the starting positions of the king and qUeen! UU: i only agreed to get yoU to shUt Up aboUt it, and regardless, i knew i coUld beat yoU anyway even with yoUr initial "advantage." and i was right! UU: how can yoU claim this as a legitimate strategy? UU: yoU broke the rUles! uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU] uu: HEY! I DIDN'T BREAK ANY RuLES. uu: I MERELY ASKED IF YOu WOuLD AGREE. TO ME SWAPPING THE START POSITIONS OF THE KING AND QuEEN. uu: AND YOu DID AGREE. uu: BuT THEN I DIDN'T ACTuALLY DO IT. uu: WHEN DID I SAY I WOuLD? NEVER. uu: I WAS ONLY GAuGING YOuR WILLINGNESS TO MAKE THE EXCEPTION. uu: I THEN WENT ABOuT DECORATING MY KING AND QuEEN WITH NICE LITTLE HATS. uu: WHICH IS *ALSO* NOT AGAINST THE RuLES. uu: YOu DO IT ALL THE FuCKING TIME. GIVE YOuR GAME PIECES HORNS AND SHIT. uu: YOu EVEN GIVE THEM NAMES AND BLOOD CASTES. YuCK. uu: SO IF YOu HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY DECORATIONS. I SAY POT. ALLOW ME TO INTRODuCE YOU TO THE FuCKING KETTLE. undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uu: EVERY SINGLE THING I DID WAS LEGAL. uu: MY QuEEN. DISGuISED AS A KING. MADE MOVES LIKE A KING. WHICH IS WITHIN ITS CAPABILITY. THIS WAS DONE TO DECEIVE YOu. uu: MY KING. DISGuISED AS A QuEEN. MADE MOVES LIKE A KING. BECAuSE DOING OTHERWISE WOuLD BREAK THE RuLES. uu: BuT YOu BELIEVED IT HAD HER POWERS. AND I uSED THIS TO MY ADVANTAGE. uu: WHICH WAS HILARIOuS TO OBSERVE. WATCHING YOu BACK AWAY FROMS "THREATS." FROM WHAT WAS IN TRuTH A DISTANT KING! uu: ALL THE WHILE MY RuSE. PATENTLY OBVIOuS IN HINDSIGHT. WENT EMBARRASSINGLY uNDETECTED. uu: NO RuLES BROKEN. NOT ONCE. uu: IN FACT. IF ANYONE HERE BROKE THE RuLES. uu: IT WAS YOu. undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu] UU: WHAT?? UU: absolUte bollocks. UU: what rUles did i break?! UU: this oUght to be good! uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU] uu: YOu AGREED TO LET ME START WITH THE KING AND QuEEN IN SWAPPED POSITIONS. uu: IT'S AGAINST THE RuLES TO MAKE AN EXCEPTION LIKE THAT. EVEN IF YOuR OPPONENT IS BEING OBNOXIOuS ABOuT IT. uu: YOuR WILLINGNESS TO BREAK THE RuLES IS DISGuSTING TO ME. YOu SHOuLD FEEL ASHAMED OF YOuRSELF. uu: LuCKILY. AT LEAST ONE OF uS HAS RESPECT FOR THE RuLES. uu: I STARTED WITH ALL MY PIECES IN THE CORRECT POSITION. uu: IN SPITE OF YOuR WILLINGNESS TO ALLOW THOSE RuLES TO BE BROKEN. uu: WHICH AS I HAVE ADDRESSED. IS TOTALLY SHAMEFuL. uu: YOu ARE VERY FORTuNATE TO HAVE A "BRO" WHO RESPECTS THE INTEGRITY OF THE GAME EVEN WHERE HIS "SIS" MIGHT FALTER. uu: A "BRO" WHO. WHILE FuLLY ADHERING TO THE RuLES. AND EXPOSING YOuR HIDDEN SHAMEFuL TENDENCIES. uu: STILL MANAGED TO DEFEAT YOu. undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

UU: YOU PRICK!!!!!!!!!!!

End transcript.

[mudfire]

i loveee reading way too much into things. like when xavier says, 'theres an open spot next to me. if you can stand being that close to an elitest snob' and it focuses on bianca for a moment

i know that is supposed to be so that it sets up bianca asking why xavier so interested in weds when they're in his dorm later. but i like to read it as bianca thinking, 'damn, the transfer freak already figured out my ex-bf is an elitest snob' bc bianca !!!! u deserve BETTER !!! u r a queen, u dont need a jester as your king

and then weds bianca rivalry is all the more sweeter without them needing to fight over a man <3 GIVE ME THAT FENCING COMPETITION SEASON 2 !

i am Also into preppy Divina and Kent who r mean girl/boy, they laugh at weds in a lot of scenes when theyre besides bianca. but Kent is still so silly goofy... him dancing as they sang be happy in choir, him being pushed to the side as they enter the rav'n, the black eye incident 😭 and Divina is the serious one of the twins. or maybe they have a tuffnut/ruffnut kinda dynamic... both so silly stupid

[seokiloquy]

Cap’N’Bells Pt 1 - Futakuchi Kenji

Au: Royalty

Tags/Warnings: F! Reader, Totally not a concept I saw on tiktok and wanted to try

Word Count: 1.4k

Pt 1 | Pt 2

Your father coughs, letting out the air he had stuffed into his lung while trying to stifle his laughter. The crowd turns their head to him, captured by his reaction, before returning to the performance before them. Once the hundred sets of eyes left the vicinity of your seats, you lean toward your father, whispering up the length of his beard in hopes he’d hear your words from his towering throne.

“Father. You know you can laugh, right? You hired him for that very reason.”

“I know, darling,” he catches another laugh, making the hairs of his long moustache flare outward. “But as a leader, I must be able to show my kingdom that I am level-headed and worthy of my position. Any stray laugh,” he huffs again, “could mean the end of my rule.”

“Level-headed? If you separate yourself from the reality of being a person, the kingdom will have your head rolling on the carpet.”

He glances down at you, “No need to worry, darling. I lead well and have led our kingdom to prosperity.”

“Still—” As the Jester twists in the air, the spectators gasp in excitement, watching as the bells on his head begin to twist themselves into a knot. “You also need to be able to tell them you are trustworthy and kind. You’ve done well, but they also fear you!”

The Jester lands on his feet but quickly stumbles backwards onto his butt before rolling over his back and again into an upright position. You clap along with the audience, but keep your eyes trained on your father like one of the castle's many hunting dogs.

“You don’t need to recite Bowman’s words to me. That man pesters me enough as it is. I don’t need you to do it too.”

Huffing, you lean forward in your seat to glance over your father's looming figure and meet your mother’s eyes. She shrugged, “He’s not wrong, darling.”

With another huff, you fall back into your chair and watch the Jester as he walks up behind a nobleman who is in the middle of a conversation and begins to mimic the man's large movements. The Jester is silent but expressive, arms swinging and mouth chewing as the man before he continues to babble on. It’s Duke Cunnings that’s ignoring him, a not so well loved member of the parliament, yet, despite the Jester’s silly mockery of the older man, no one reacts.

Glancing at your father, you hope he’ll finally crack and let out a boisterous chuckle and allow everyone else in the hall to laugh also. He doesn’t.

Taking one last, deep breath, you put on as best of a grin as possible. And you laugh. Loudly.

Eyes, everywhere, all immediately shoot in your direction. Even the guards look, metal armour clanking as they move. You keep going, clutching your stomach as you bend over your knees. The grand hall fills with laughter. Excluding your father, who continues to stop his breathing in an attempt to appear like an adept king. Though, you can’t seem to care about it now. Finally, the silence has been broken.

Looking up through your brows, you see that the Jester has also turned to you before watching him get hit in the back of the head by Duke Cunnings’ cane. You wail at the accidental slapstick as the jester stumbles forward, tripping over his feet and landing on the tiled floor by your feet. Covering your mouth, you now struggle to keep your laughter going as the Jester stares up at you with wide eyes.

“I’m in love,” the Jester sings, arching backwards over the bar with a blissful grin, bells chiming as they swing from his hat.

“Who is it this time? Or have you managed to stick with the seamstress from last week?” Yasushi asks, drying a glass.

“Hey,” the Jester glares, flipping himself onto his stomach. “She had great hands.”

“She was doing her job. You don’t even know her name.”

“Marilynne.”

“Claudette, actually.” The barkeep sighs, pushing the fool up by the shoulder until he lands back on his feet on the other side of the bar. “Kenji. Be serious. You can’t be in love with whoever makes eye contact with you.”

“Oh, yes, I can!” Kenji glares, puffing out his chest.

Tossing his washcloth over his shoulder, Yasushi spreads his arms wide and tilts forward in a mocking bow. “Hit me.”

“The princess.”

“HA! Oh, ya. She totally fell bell–” Yasushi reaches over the bar and smacks one of the ends of Kenji’s cap’n’bells “–over heels for the court jester. You should go for it. You’d make an eye-catching couple.”

“You think so?” Kenji smiles, creases appearing on his cheeks. Bells jingling with the little hope he makes.

“No! I’d love to see you try, though. You’ll make a bigger fool of yourself than you already are.”

“Har har har.” The Jester jingles some more as he flops onto one of the bar stools. “Just hand me a drink.”

Your father was going to be the death of you. Ever since making a scene during the last event, and managing to at least portray yourself as an approachable member of the royal family, he had decided that his many social responsibilities should be handed down to you, the ‘friendliest’ of the family. All the while, he decides to lock himself away in his office and be more reclusive than he ever was.

Of course, you couldn’t let his attempts to escape go, so sneaking out of the meeting room that was currently filled to the brim of high-nosed diplomats, you ran through the halls to your father's door.

“Why are you making me do this?” you groaned, dropping all our weight onto the chair across from his desk with a thud.

“They like you more than me,” he says, matter of factly.

“Only because I played the part of being friendly and approachable.” You stared up at the mural-like patterns on the ceiling, following them to the ornate arches and then along the wall where they met the floor.

“They like talking to you.”

“They talk to me because they want to speak to you, but you cower away in this room because you have a skewed perception of what a king should be like and they believe I will pass on whatever message they have. You know, King Patil visits a new restaurant every week and eats with the owners. The nobles then visit since it has received the ‘kings approval’ and their economy flourishes.”

“Yes. but I am not King Patil.”

“You want to be but your ego gets in the way.”

“Watch your mouth.”

“Give me a mirror.”

You sigh in unison. Sinking into the plush cushioning of your chairs. 

Behind you, the door creeks and up bends your head backwards to see your mother walking in with a butler at her feet.

“Tea’s here. Thank you. Mason, but you may attend to other duties now.” The butler bows and steps back into the hallway. “Darling? What are you doing here, you’re meant to be with the diplomats.”

“I left the first moment I could.”

“Well, I only have two tea cups.” She sighs, setting the tray down on desk.

“I’ll drink from the teapot,” you grin, reaching for the stout container.

She smacks your hand away. “You will do no such thing, we can share,” she says and sits on the catching chair at your side. “Since you’re here, we planned to invite the Jester back to perform at your birthday ball.”

Brows pinching, you sit upright. “The Jester?”

“Yes. You liked his act, didn’t you?”

“No, no, no, no, no. What gave you the idea that I like the jester performances?”

“You laughed.”

“Ya, because he wouldn’t! It was a political move!” you point to your father, who glared through his brows before returning to writing.

“Oh. Well, I suppose that is a bit unfortunate then.”

You shut your eyes. “How come? Why is it unfortunate?”

“The invitation was already sent.”

You melted into the chair, chin hitting your chest. “Oh, bother.”

Kenji was splayed on the floor, laying there for what must have been at least an hour, just dozing when an insistent knock pounded at his door. He groans, opening his eyes while fighting off the dreams of soft hands pulling him back towards the floor and gets up to hobble toward the banging.

“Letter from the palace.”

He blinks blearily at the postman, takes the letter and shuts the door with a limp wave. He’s sitting back on the floor, about to pass out again while his thumb picks at the wax seal. His head hits the floor until he catches the first few words written in and runs to his desk to get better light.

He’s been requested to perform at the princess's birthday. Oh, how he loves her.

There will be more parts, I’m just in exam season now and have also been prepping K-pop events and stuff at work :) - Bacon

Posted: 09/04/2023

[heartfullofleeches]

I feel like the spouse would try to poison the Jester on like- a royal banquet or something, there are so many people there that it's hard to find the culprit. And it would either end with the Reader being very much poisoned but by a miracle they managed to survive, just straight up died or the Emperor said he would try out their food because it "looked very nice" and totally not bc he suspected the spouse would try to poison his beloved jester

They honestly thought about letting you live. As much as they wanted to straggle you themself, you seemed obvious enough to your emperor's affection, and they didn't want the blood on their hands. They'd just send you away to some remote island, or have a band of thieves sell you off. It was one, single event that pushed them over the edge.

It was the week before the celebration of the previous emperor and queen's lives. They had been gone for some time now, but the day was to celebrate the entire bloodline. The emperor walked around the dining room with a small group of those who'd be there, pointing out where they and those absent would sit.

The celebration would last the entire day. A festival in the village below, then dinner, and finally a show led by the court jester before fireworks to end the night. The emperor's spouse watched closely as he laid out the seating arrangement, their jaw dropping when they saw who he'd have sit beside him at the end of the table.

"And Y/n will sit beside me here."

Before the servant could jot that down in their notes, the spouse grabs the board.

"You must be kidding.

The emperor blinks. "I beg your pardon?"

"You're letting the jester sit next to you, as apposed to your betrothed?"

"They are my dearest allie, and an important part of the festivities, of course they'll be by my side."

"Then... I suppose I'm on the other?"

"No, that's for the general. He has been a good family friend since I was a baby, and I fear the old bat is growing hard of hearing."

"Well, where am I?"

The emperor points at the other end of the table, all the way on the other side of the room.

"Right there. So I can look at your lovely face from afar."

The little smirk on his face makes their blood boil. He would not win this round, or the game that was their life. But first, they had to get rid of a certain pawn.

-

As the feast begins, everyone filters out into their assigned seats. You question why his spouse was so far away, but the emperor waves it off as they had a recent flare of acne, and didn't want to be the center of attention as they would be by him.

Servants begin to bring out food in an array of courses. Being the fool you are, you steal a berry from the emperor's fruit salad and pop it in your mouth. In retaliation, he picks up a similar fruit and shoves it into your mouth; the both of you laughing as his spouse glares daggers.

By the second dish, their mood suddenly brightens. It was a simple soup, just something to hold back hunger until the main course. The servers start at their end, one meeting their eyes with a solemn look.

With nearly everyone served, the only people who hadn't gotten a bowl were you and the emperor. The server doesn't look at you when they arrive; the weight in their pocket reminding them of what they had to do. They reach over the first bowl on the tray and grab the second, placing it before you; something the emperor notices. They give him his, and bolt from the room.

"Y/n, let's switch."

He speaks just loud enough for his spouse to hear on their side, their spoon clattering to the floor.

"What? Why?"

"Your bowl has more than mine."

"Hm? That's silly. They look about the same to me-"

He tilts his head. "Are you saying you'll let your king- your best friend starve?"

"C-course not. Here." You switch the bowls; the emperor rewarding you with your compliance by a pat on your head; bells attached to your hat jiggling with each stroke.

He picks up his spoon and gathers soup on it, his motions notably slowly. Meanwhile, his spouse is sweating. If he died, the life of their dreams wouldn't come as they weren't married yet. And if they told him not to eat the poisoned spoon it would be suspicious. They needed to act, and quickly. Looking at their own bowl, they knew their only option.

Their screams echo down the hall; music to his ears. The soup wasn't extremely hot, but they were one for dramatics. He tries to hold in his chuckles as the servants swipe that the spill on their clothing. They had been wearing a bright blue and grey outfit, the colors of your kingdom, and one of the worst things to spill vomit green soup on.

In the fuss, the emperor dumps the soup in his empty cup. His only desire is to take their head after trying to take your life, but feels they had enough punishment for now as they weren't seen again that night. He wonders if they'll learn their lesson, but probably not. If you're going to plot a murder, don't do it in a wide corridor, or have your victim be the true love of a mad royal.

When the main dish comes, he leans over to you as you grab your utensils.

"I'm starving. Giving me the first bite from your plate."

"But you already took my soup!"

He knows you're out of harm's way, but the meal tastes sweeter coming from your fork.

By the end of the night, he makes things up to you by bring you a cake and sitting on the ledge of his bedroom window to watch the fireworks together; something you did when little.

There was one other reason why his spouse was so upset by your presence. It's a legend in the emperor's family that if they spend this night with someone on the first year of their rule, that person will lead beside them for the rest of their days.

With this eve by themself, his spouse can tell the only way to get rid of you is by their own two hands, or those of another.

[angelsndragons]

okay since folks really like my original cockroach party post i’m going to expand a bit and talk about how and why the mighty nein turned into a cockroach party.

but before we do that, i’m going to talk about mechanics on this post. warning: long post ahead.

first, let’s define terms. all adventuring parties find their own play style when it comes to combat. from my experience, these tend to fall into three broad categories that i am calling the glass cannon, the control, and the cockroach. to be clear, no one party style is better than another; the players and characters simply have different priorities and skill sets.  

glass cannon: these parties are built for doing damage. that’s basically it. they do damage and hope that they kill their enemies before their enemies kill them. these parties tend to be low on support casters, healers, or both. round 4 is where things start to get really rough for these parties and chances are good that if the fight has gone on this long, someone’s at least unconscious.

control: these parties tend to go around obstacles and enemies. there are a million ways to do this; for example, these parties can regularly avoid conflicts all together via stealth or charisma or some other check. when forced into combat, they excel when they have plans or traps to spring on opponents. they struggle a bit but ultimately triumph because they have a myriad of ways to not get hit or they are able to escape and lose their pursuers. 

cockroach: these parties don’t engage in combat, they endure it. their goal is to outlast their enemies via healing, support, and tanking. you hit them? joke’s on you, they don’t care. unlike their glass cannon counterparts, round 4 is where things turn around for the cockroach party. they’ve dug in and are starting to push back.

vox machina is a quintessential glass cannon party. part of that is simply down to player availability; ashley their cleric worked across the country so that made it tough for her to attend on the regular. but. the party technically still had a primary healer who could have stepped in and filled that role: keyleth. druids are pretty dang good healers and support casters, even moon druids. however. marisha and keyleth decided to instead take a dps and tank role similar to grog. this ain’t a diss either so don’t any of you all start anything, especially considering keyleth was often burning her higher slots just to get vm to different places. when keyleth was tanking in wild shape and focusing on dps, it meant that vox machina was reliant on: vex’s cure wounds (and with her being a half caster, you weren’t getting a lot of mileage of it), scanlan as the only support role, and later vax’s lay on hands for emergency healing. percy could heal himself a bit if things got really dicey, grog was taking half damage from most attacks, and the twins could hide as a bonus action or stay at range out of the way. in fact, most of vm had some method for staying at range and letting grog and keyleth tank. and this style worked for them for the most part. their biggest dangers were always the longer fights, with or without pike. longer fights meant more chances for these fragile kids to get hit and possibly drag out the fight even longer by trying to get someone up.

the ashholes from exandria unlimited is a great example of a control party. i count half of their encounters which they’ve been able to wriggle out of without killing their opponents. their liberal use of charm spells, high charisma, and just flat out out of the box thinking (they flipped a fucking crocodile!!) has saved their bacon so many times. during unavoidable combat, they have struggled a little bit, but they’re a low level party to begin with so struggle is expected. all the casters appear to be offensively geared with dariax and fearne having prepped utility on the side. even so, that control vibe still permeates the party; dorian’s most clutch move was that dissonant whispers on mister, which he cast not to harm mister but force him to move away from the rune that transformed and powered him, thus ending the combat.

and finally we have the mighty nein, the cockroach party. we’ll get into the hows and whys later, for now, cockroach parties are built on three major founding principles: action economy, mindset, and versatility. action economy is king in dnd. pcs get an action, bonus action, and reaction per turn. having turns each round is critical to a dnd party's ability to overcome the enemy and the more turns you have compared to your opponent, the better. for large parties, that is a sizable advantage over enemy monsters, which is why even low level monsters are packing multi-attacks, decent ac, and/or good solid hit points. more members means more attacks the creature(s) needs to take and focused fire adds up fast, even at low levels. for example, kylre had about 90 hp and was dead in three rounds, with fjord alone dealing 64 points of that damage. yeah. want to know why mid to high level monsters have legendary actions and resists? action economy. want to know why some silly min-max number crunchers think that cleric healing is severely under-powered? action economy. laura's assessment of healing, that it is better to damage the enemy and only heal to bring people up to make sure they get their turn, is a solid, reasonable assessment of the economy, especially when it comes to the cleric spell slot economy which I elaborated on here.

so, in light of the action economy, let's talk about the cockroach mindset. the cockroach party doesn’t ask ‘how do we beat this opponent’, it asks ‘how do we outlast this opponent.’ it’s a subtle difference in combat focus but an important one. survival of the party is the cockroach’s top priority and all members go into the encounter with that priority in mind. the players aren’t focused on the survival of their character, however, they are focused on giving their party another round to act. they give themselves room to breathe. whether that is stunning the enemy completely, whether it's lowering the enemy's attacking ability, whether it's giving a party member an extra action, whether it’s bringing someone up from unconsciousness, those methods combine with damage generation to win an encounter. cockroach parties don't rely on damage output to keep themselves safe, they rely on their own ability to survive and support their team. 

which brings us to versatility. cockroach parties tend to have a wide array of skills at their disposal and aren’t afraid to use them. while they have solid support roles, casters are not the only ones who can bring utility to a party. just ask beau. just ask yasha as she flew caleb out of danger in the first lucien fight. heck, just ask orym and his swip swap battle flop. or damian and the owlbear from the darrington brigade. cockroach parties, more than control and glass cannon parties, prefer to have a wide range of options available to them. the more tricks up your sleeve, the more likely you are to have something to deal with whatever the dm throws at you. marine layer, anyone? at the same time, the party also uses this wide array to have multiple ways to handle the same problem. jester is the backup stealth scout and teleporter. fjord is the emt, able to remove and heal injured party members if caduceus or jester cannot. caleb is the backup backup cleric with polymorph. veth can also stun/incapacitate enemies with her spells. caduceus is the backup backup tank and battlefield control via his shield of retribution and spirit guardians to beau and jester.

these three tricks combine into one inescapable reality: there is no one better or obvious target to take out. the entire party is one giant interlocking trap; break one and the others will reinforce the weak point and make you pay for the effort.

(incidentally, the cockroach approach is so ingrained in the cast that the vm side of the battle royale didn’t play with the urgency the vm playbook requires and that, more than anything, screwed them over. but that’s a different post.)

tune in next time for a break down of how, when, and why the nein went from glass cannon to cockroach because it is a fascinating ride.