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[themaskofthephantom]

How to live like you are in Moominvalley Part 1:

Step 1: Sleep well. Make time for naps if you would like to nap. Preferably, if the weather is nice, nap on the green grass. Don’t be concerned over the length of your sleep, for all creatures need rest.

Step 2: Eat well. Cook and eat delicious foods. Have home cooked meals, not convenience foods if you can help it. When unsure of what to eat, there’s always pancakes.

Step 3: Enjoy each season for what it is. Hibernate in the Winter, celebrate the return of Spring, play and go boating in the Summer, bake and knit in the Autumn. Have something unique to each season that you can look forward to. Make it your own.

Step 4: Play a musical instrument if you can or simply make time to enjoy music. Come up with your own songs if you want. Just enjoy a tune.

Step 5: Go on hikes. Get outdoors in general at least once a day if you can. Explore the trails in your area or take trips to the mountains.

Step 6: Pick some flowers. You can decorate your home with them or make a flower crown. Let your inner child run wild.

Step 7: Have a project you’re working on. This could be literally anything. Just find something you are passionate about and make it your own. For example, I am currently working on a little tapestry on my loom.

Step 8: Write in some way. You could write your memoirs or journal or create your own recipe book or write letters to friends. Just pick up the pen.

Step 9: Make time for play. Play games. This could be as simple as hide and seek with friends or something more complex like solving a mystery box. It doesn’t matter if you are an adult either. Play is just as important for adults as it is for children.

Step 10: Go fishing. Find a little pond or creek in your area and take your pole. You can throw or keep your catch as you like. Either way, fishing can be a good way to slow down.

Let me know if you would like a part 2.

[themaskofthephantom]

There’s really nothing else like walking barefoot on new, Spring grass.

[themaskofthephantom]

You know what, I am letting go of the mental programming that I have to be “right”. I was asked to sing today (and if you don’t know, I sing beautifully most of the time), but today, I could just tell I was not going to be able to hit the highest note in the song. And I didn’t. It sounded terrible. But instead of skipping the note entirely, I still tried to sing it just for that slight chance I might surprise myself and get it anyway. And I could just see my father’s disappointed face in my peripheral, and I realized my entire life I have been programmed to be made to feel like I always have to be correct. I always have to know the answer, be the smartest person in the room, etc. And then when the inevitable happens of me not knowing, not being correct, - because I am a human being - I feel like I am bad. Because I’ve been programmed to. Well fuck that. I’m done. I don’t have to be the fucking “gifted child” anymore. I am messy, I make mistakes, I don’t know all the answers, and sometimes I sing horribly out of key. And guess what? That is fucking beautiful, because it is authentic. And it is human.

[themaskofthephantom]

Little Jellycat Sage Dragon Stimboard

Please be kind. This is the first stimboard I’ve tried to make. It’s full of all of the things my own dragon enjoys. Full credit for the gifs goes to the blogs listed in the tags.

[themaskofthephantom]

I love writing letters. There’s such a slow, simple pleasure in it.

[themaskofthephantom]

Happy Samhain everyone. I hope everyone has had a lovely day. I celebrated Samhain by taking a beautiful, Autumn walk, eating a delicious feast, decorating my altar, and doing a little bit of divination. My altar decorations are sparse this year, but I believe the rune I pulled, Eihwaz, will give you a hint as to why. The runes and the tarot cards always know.

[themaskofthephantom]

I really would like my brain to stop categorizing instances of trauma at 2 a.m. That would be great.

[themaskofthephantom]

It’s strange how I can go from being physically alone but not feeling lonely in the slightest or feeling lacking in any way then minutes later when some family members come by, I almost instantly feel more alone than ever. It’s jarring how much it makes me want to be alone again.

[themaskofthephantom]

You know, I think we should all talk to ourselves like Aquamarine’s starfish talk to her. “Dani. Dani. Oh, Dani. Dani is so lovely. They make us so lovely just being near such loveliness, and they’re smart. Smart. Yes, like tuna. We love being near Dani. Dani. Dani. Dani.” We should give ourselves compliments.

[themaskofthephantom]

I took a nap on the grass in the sun. It was probably one of the best decisions of my life.

[themaskofthephantom]

There are lots of things from my childhood days at my Nana’s house that make me feel dreamily nostalgic, and many still help me calm down and cope with anxious thoughts to this day. Since I was recently asked what memories stand out to me, I figured I would share a few.

1. Being read fairytales at night before going to sleep (the 3D pop up books were always my favorite)

2. Having my hand held as I walked on top of a neighbor’s brick fence

3. Eating half and half peanut butter and jelly and turkey sandwiches with a side of Cheetos and some strawberries covered in either my choice of chocolate syrup or sugar for dessert

4. Rewatching the VHS tape of Cinderella while I ate my lunch

5. Hoarding all of the family jewelry and shiny trinkets in the house for my hidden, shoebox treasure chest, because I was a rouge pirate (and a crow even then)

6. Playing JumpStart games on the dial up computer to help learn math and English

7. Working through a variety of other handmade practice problems during my visits. While some were frustrating, most of them were fun and rewarding. I now have such an appreciation for the time, effort, and energy involved in preparing them for me.

8. For example, I’ll never forget how both of my grandparents turned the car ride back home from summer club into an episode of the Cash Cab once (Albeit, ours was the “Cheap Cash Cab”. HaHa.).

9. Going to the children’s museum, the local libraries, the movies, and other fun places

10. Always being loved there. As cheesy as that sounds, it doesn’t mean it’s any less true.

I’d love to read anybody else’s favorite childhood memories, so please feel free to reblog this post with your own additions.

[themaskofthephantom]

It’s strange when you grow up in an emotionally unstable household and then get to an actually somewhat stable environment. Maybe my brain makes too big of a deal about things, but I still: constantly catalogue the sound of people’s steps so I can know what emotional state they might be in, constantly catalogue the noise I myself make whenever there is anyone around so that I don’t draw attention to myself, and I still have visceral reactions to the sound of breaking glass even when I’m the one who accidentally dropped the glass. It’s beautifully, wonderfully strange getting told, “I’m glad you are here.” Word for word. (Even though I’ve been welcomed and loved into other homes before.) Even if hearing that means my brain is waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s weird getting told, “No, we don’t save jelly out of a jar that’s been shattered on the floor, because there could be glass in there that could hurt you.” And I’m an adult. I should logically know that it would be safer to just throw the whole damn jar away, but my thoughts immediately go to the cost of the jar and the waste of the food. They don’t go onto the value of me.

[themaskofthephantom]

Do any other asexual scale individuals get specific warnings from others when people around you are about to have sex, or does it just happen to me?

I’m going to go “help her with her hair”.

I’ve got to “fix his hip”.

I mean I’m glad for the warning I guess. It’s better just wanting to vomit instead of stumbling upon something unpleasant and then vomiting. It just seems strange to even me.

[themaskofthephantom]

I’m so intelligent apparently. I graduated top of my class in high school and graduated with a fairly decent GPA in college. Surely, if I’m so smart, I can figure out how to be homeless, right? Probably.

[themaskofthephantom]

Anybody else feel like an unwanted hot potato getting passed around again and again by the world, or is it just me?

[themaskofthephantom]

The bedside table of a crow. …Caw!

[themaskofthephantom]

“No, I don’t think you understand. I’m obsessed.” I’m obsessed with antiquing. It’s all I can think about when I’m at work. It’s what I want to do every weekend. Even when I don’t plan on going to an antique store, I somehow find myself at one anyway. By finally allowing myself to purchase nice things for my being, I have opened up a floodgate. A floodgate which I fear will never be closed again.