theunluckyclover775

[theunluckyclover775]

Hey, Ohio, why the heck do you have Smucker's HQ here, then Amish Country right next to it?

... Asking for a friend. No other reason...

[theunluckyclover775]

Oh by the way happy Birthday to Tim Drake, the bat who I share the most in common with because we both have the following:

1. Unhinged sleep schedules

2. Caffeine addictions

3. A Missing organ & (sometimes) chronically ill

4. Friends and family who dub us chaotic rats who need to sleep and hydrate more

[theunluckyclover775]

Amazingly worded. Although we do love him for watching over, taking care of, and loving the batfam; Alfred is a human. Dude needs to mess up in order to be one.

Also, that 5+ fic... Very tempting 👀👀👀

Ok ik this probably isn't real but what if Alfred thought it would be fine if he just gave Tim the suit and told him "go, be free, don't die or you're fired" bc he forgot kids don't usually fight martial arts or given Bat Training™ from a young age. Imagine:

Alfred: Go be the light in these dark times, son.

Tim: thank you. I will.

*15 minutes later*

Bruce, kicking down the door, holding Tim by the cape and dangling him like a scuffed cat: ALFRED WHAT THE HELL!

Alfred: Sir! That was mahogan-

Bruce: You can't just let him go out there! He didn't even know how to punch correctly!!!

Alfred: Whatever do you mean, he should have learned that by now.

Bruce:

Alfred:

Bruce: ... W h a t

Alfred: Young Mr. Drake should have learned by now several martial arts. I mean when you were 11, you-

Bruce, absolutely tired: Alfred.

Alfred: -And by 16 he'll be ready for aerial combat. When I enlisted, lying about my age, I took to the planes rather fast-

Bruce: ALFRED.

Alfred: Don't shout at me, Master Bruce, it's unbecoming. What is it?

Bruce, holding up Tim higher to be in Alfred's line of sight and gesturing vaguely at the small child: HE DOESN'T KNOW COMBAT. HE'S NORMAL.

Alfred: Normal? What do yo- oooooohhhhhhhhhhh

Bruce: YEAH. 'OH' IS RIGHT!!!

Alfred: ... What did I just say about shouting? It's unseemly, Master Bruce.

[theunluckyclover775]

This is cannon now. No buts.

Gotham city pride parade. Harley Quinn and poison ivy hold hands and kiss. Nightwing shows up in the Discowing suit. Batman’s costume is exactly the same except the bat on his chest is rainbow. Robin’s sword has ribbons on it now and he’s caught trying to brawl with homophobic protesters. Spoiler and Orphan put Robin to the side and brawl the protesters themselves. Red Hood is there in broad daylight and his helmet is rhinestoned. Red Robin and Superboy do the upside-down Spider-Man kiss with Superboy flying upside-down. The Joker shows up and Red Hood shoots him dead immediately. Everyone cheers

[theunluckyclover775]

Didn't know he was a BAMF from the start!

Now I'm just imagining Bruce being accidentally gaslit by his family, like "Maybe kids knowing how to fight with inhuman amounts of spite and need for bloodshed is normal?? I thought it wasn't, but then why did all my children come pre-trained??"

Ok ik this probably isn't real but what if Alfred thought it would be fine if he just gave Tim the suit and told him "go, be free, don't die or you're fired" bc he forgot kids don't usually fight martial arts or given Bat Training™ from a young age. Imagine:

Alfred: Go be the light in these dark times, son.

Tim: thank you. I will.

*15 minutes later*

Bruce, kicking down the door, holding Tim by the cape and dangling him like a scuffed cat: ALFRED WHAT THE HELL!

Alfred: Sir! That was mahogan-

Bruce: You can't just let him go out there! He didn't even know how to punch correctly!!!

Alfred: Whatever do you mean, he should have learned that by now.

Bruce:

Alfred:

Bruce: ... W h a t

Alfred: Young Mr. Drake should have learned by now several martial arts. I mean when you were 11, you-

Bruce, absolutely tired: Alfred.

Alfred: -And by 16 he'll be ready for aerial combat. When I enlisted, lying about my age, I took to the planes rather fast-

Bruce: ALFRED.

Alfred: Don't shout at me, Master Bruce, it's unbecoming. What is it?

Bruce, holding up Tim higher to be in Alfred's line of sight and gesturing vaguely at the small child: HE DOESN'T KNOW COMBAT. HE'S NORMAL.

Alfred: Normal? What do yo- oooooohhhhhhhhhhh

Bruce: YEAH. 'OH' IS RIGHT!!!

Alfred: ... What did I just say about shouting? It's unseemly, Master Bruce.

[theunluckyclover775]

Darn lol. I get that 😂 Hope you finish it, tho. Good Luck!

Ok ik this probably isn't real but what if Alfred thought it would be fine if he just gave Tim the suit and told him "go, be free, don't die or you're fired" bc he forgot kids don't usually fight martial arts or given Bat Training™ from a young age. Imagine:

Alfred: Go be the light in these dark times, son.

Tim: thank you. I will.

*15 minutes later*

Bruce, kicking down the door, holding Tim by the cape and dangling him like a scuffed cat: ALFRED WHAT THE HELL!

Alfred: Sir! That was mahogan-

Bruce: You can't just let him go out there! He didn't even know how to punch correctly!!!

Alfred: Whatever do you mean, he should have learned that by now.

Bruce:

Alfred:

Bruce: ... W h a t

Alfred: Young Mr. Drake should have learned by now several martial arts. I mean when you were 11, you-

Bruce, absolutely tired: Alfred.

Alfred: -And by 16 he'll be ready for aerial combat. When I enlisted, lying about my age, I took to the planes rather fast-

Bruce: ALFRED.

Alfred: Don't shout at me, Master Bruce, it's unbecoming. What is it?

Bruce, holding up Tim higher to be in Alfred's line of sight and gesturing vaguely at the small child: HE DOESN'T KNOW COMBAT. HE'S NORMAL.

Alfred: Normal? What do yo- oooooohhhhhhhhhhh

Bruce: YEAH. 'OH' IS RIGHT!!!

Alfred: ... What did I just say about shouting? It's unseemly, Master Bruce.

[theunluckyclover775]

YES! He is an immortal badass. A guy who will throw hands at anyone who threatens his family, no matter the century.

Ok ik this probably isn't real but what if Alfred thought it would be fine if he just gave Tim the suit and told him "go, be free, don't die or you're fired" bc he forgot kids don't usually fight martial arts or given Bat Training™ from a young age. Imagine:

Alfred: Go be the light in these dark times, son.

Tim: thank you. I will.

*15 minutes later*

Bruce, kicking down the door, holding Tim by the cape and dangling him like a scuffed cat: ALFRED WHAT THE HELL!

Alfred: Sir! That was mahogan-

Bruce: You can't just let him go out there! He didn't even know how to punch correctly!!!

Alfred: Whatever do you mean, he should have learned that by now.

Bruce:

Alfred:

Bruce: ... W h a t

Alfred: Young Mr. Drake should have learned by now several martial arts. I mean when you were 11, you-

Bruce, absolutely tired: Alfred.

Alfred: -And by 16 he'll be ready for aerial combat. When I enlisted, lying about my age, I took to the planes rather fast-

Bruce: ALFRED.

Alfred: Don't shout at me, Master Bruce, it's unbecoming. What is it?

Bruce, holding up Tim higher to be in Alfred's line of sight and gesturing vaguely at the small child: HE DOESN'T KNOW COMBAT. HE'S NORMAL.

Alfred: Normal? What do yo- oooooohhhhhhhhhhh

Bruce: YEAH. 'OH' IS RIGHT!!!

Alfred: ... What did I just say about shouting? It's unseemly, Master Bruce.

[theunluckyclover775]

Wait hold up which fic is this? I'm always down for Alfred shennanigannery

Ok ik this probably isn't real but what if Alfred thought it would be fine if he just gave Tim the suit and told him "go, be free, don't die or you're fired" bc he forgot kids don't usually fight martial arts or given Bat Training™ from a young age. Imagine:

Alfred: Go be the light in these dark times, son.

Tim: thank you. I will.

*15 minutes later*

Bruce, kicking down the door, holding Tim by the cape and dangling him like a scuffed cat: ALFRED WHAT THE HELL!

Alfred: Sir! That was mahogan-

Bruce: You can't just let him go out there! He didn't even know how to punch correctly!!!

Alfred: Whatever do you mean, he should have learned that by now.

Bruce:

Alfred:

Bruce: ... W h a t

Alfred: Young Mr. Drake should have learned by now several martial arts. I mean when you were 11, you-

Bruce, absolutely tired: Alfred.

Alfred: -And by 16 he'll be ready for aerial combat. When I enlisted, lying about my age, I took to the planes rather fast-

Bruce: ALFRED.

Alfred: Don't shout at me, Master Bruce, it's unbecoming. What is it?

Bruce, holding up Tim higher to be in Alfred's line of sight and gesturing vaguely at the small child: HE DOESN'T KNOW COMBAT. HE'S NORMAL.

Alfred: Normal? What do yo- oooooohhhhhhhhhhh

Bruce: YEAH. 'OH' IS RIGHT!!!

Alfred: ... What did I just say about shouting? It's unseemly, Master Bruce.

[theunluckyclover775]

Ok ik this probably isn't real but what if Alfred thought it would be fine if he just gave Tim the suit and told him "go, be free, don't die or you're fired" bc he forgot kids don't usually fight martial arts or given Bat Training™ from a young age. Imagine:

Alfred: Go be the light in these dark times, son.

Tim: thank you. I will.

*15 minutes later*

Bruce, kicking down the door, holding Tim by the cape and dangling him like a scuffed cat: ALFRED WHAT THE HELL!

Alfred: Sir! That was mahogan-

Bruce: You can't just let him go out there! He didn't even know how to punch correctly!!!

Alfred: Whatever do you mean, he should have learned that by now.

Bruce:

Alfred:

Bruce: ... W h a t

Alfred: Young Mr. Drake should have learned by now several martial arts. I mean when you were 11, you-

Bruce, absolutely tired: Alfred.

Alfred: -And by 16 he'll be ready for aerial combat. When I enlisted, lying about my age, I took to the planes rather fast-

Bruce: ALFRED.

Alfred: Don't shout at me, Master Bruce, it's unbecoming. What is it?

Bruce, holding up Tim higher to be in Alfred's line of sight and gesturing vaguely at the small child: HE DOESN'T KNOW COMBAT. HE'S NORMAL.

Alfred: Normal? What do yo- oooooohhhhhhhhhhh

Bruce: YEAH. 'OH' IS RIGHT!!!

Alfred: ... What did I just say about shouting? It's unseemly, Master Bruce.

[theunluckyclover775]

Little man decided to become a barber today & eat the hair he chomped off. What did I do to deserve this 😂

[theunluckyclover775]

Happy Jason's death day, unfortunately I have finals and cannot finish the one shot I had for it, but safe to say it will come to light when I'm done with studying & taken finals 😂

In the meantime, have a text thread that is funny from today:

[theunluckyclover775]

I know it's out of character but I don't care.

I want a silly little comic of batman reaching up to Superman and saying "uppies" with the most serious, brooding batman face a batman can make.

[theunluckyclover775]

I just had a moment with my brother that reminded me of the batfam so I'm just gonna write a bunch of these moments down and post them when I'm satisfied. (Also adding some with my friends. Have fun trying to guess which is which)

-----------

*Dick & Jay existing on different chairs, jay having his feet reclined and in Dick's reach*

Dick: *starts swatting at Jay's feet, barely missing*

Jay: *pulls his feet back*

*Dick reaches for it and falls out the chair*

Dick: whAHch!

Jason: Ha! Sucker.

*Dick gets up and bats at Jason's feet repeatedly. Jason starts kicking*

Bruce, walking by: What's happening?

Jason: Dick tried to hit me and fell off the chair

Dick: It was a tactical fall! I couldn't reach without moving.

-----

*Jason wakes up from nap on couch*

Jason: Dick?

Dick: yes?

Jason: ... What were you doing?

Dick, holding a pillow and having it comically raised up: nothing.

*pillow fight ensues*

-----

*Cass, Steph, & Tim are in Walmart or smth*

Steph: Yo look they have star wars soap!

Tim: That's so cool!

Cass: I don't think I've ever watched Star Wars.

Steph: damn

Tim: You've never watched Star Wars? That's my second tower.

Steph, wheezing: don't you mean your roman Empire?

Jason, who popped around from a different aisle: Maybe he's a reincarnated 9/11 person.

------

*over text*

Tim: why is it so wild?

Jason: because I never met someone who's gotten ringworm, idk the ✨novelty✨ of it is weird and could be funcle lore.

Jason: "Yeah college was crazy nephew/ niece, I hit your mom with a car and got ringworm"

Steph: omg 😂

[theunluckyclover775]

So. I'm not gonna do this to the batfam or their eyes, but, I really wanna put Dick in the disco wing suit for Oh God Damian. Ik you can't really imagine but imagine all the shit I'm gonna put these guys through and dick is just there like:

Jason: So... Yeah. That's everything that happened to me. How I know Damian. How I came to look like... This.

Bruce, holding back tears and also bile: Jason, I'm- I'm so sorry that happened to you. You shouldn't have gone through that.

Dick: Jaybird... *Tries to go in for a hug, but Jason immediately backs away, cringing)

Jason: Hell no!

Dick: wha- is there still blood on me?

Jason: No, it's just. I don't wanna be touched by... That.

Dick, frantically searching his body for something: what, what is it?!

Jason: horrible fashion. Seriously, get a new suit! Or sport the old one!

Bruce, remembering all the online allegations from the Robin Leotard™: NO

[theunluckyclover775]

Crime Alley never truly got its name until the GCPD had cut the local station's funding. Then crime started to rise, just a little. Not enough to warrant the name, but just enough for people to notice and create a buzz around change. The mayor was going to try and scrape up loose funds to give to the old station, to try and tamper down the damage without hurting other public facilities, like the schools and libraries.

But then the election came, and one of the nominees had used a campaign about 'lowering crime rates in Gotham', and specifically pointing out Park Row as a big example. On top of the increase, he planted drug rings for added effect here and yellow journalism there and the whole thing explodes. Every overdose from the area in the Gotham Tribunal is highlighted in the obituaries. Every theft gets its own story in the paper. It seems to the people outside Park Row that the mayor incumbent has left it running rampant, criminals and hookers running on every corner.

Tourist attractions start to pull out from the area, and a mass exodus of people follow, leaving those too poor to leave and the criminals already there full control of the city. School and other public service funding is cut, due to the population loss. This not only increases the rent in the area with landlords trying to make a living, but also the drop out rate with kids needing to work full time for their family. Which, in turn, also increases the crime rate. The mayor incumbent loses the election, leaving the new one in power and now having a bigger problem than he initally intended on his hands. But he had two cards up his sleeves. Both bleeding hearts, hearts that bleed gold and would bend over backwards to not only help a friend, but the city their family flourished in for over a century.

Thomas and Martha were more than happy to help out, and hopefully rebuild the district to what it once was. The 'Bring Back Park Row' initiative was created soon after. The Waynes start making donations to the areas libraries, schools, and other places in the district. They create scholarships, pop up shelters, and a rehab facility. The first Wayne Orphanage was opened there. And soon enough, the two get the idea to start having day trips there. The press following them and little Brucie on their little vacations. If the people can see that it's not as bad as it once was, people would flood back in and return to the old Park Row.

The Waynes restore an old movie theatre, and its grand opening was going to play an old detective movie from the year of its original opening. They all dressed up for the event, and Bruce looked so cute in his little suit and tie. Martha looked elegant as a morning lily with her pearls. Thomas, matching Bruce in a suit and tie, looked powerful and yet kind with the small smile lines faintly showing on his face and in the corners of his eyes.

The movie went off without a hit. But instead of papers across Gotham singing songs of success; papers from across the country sang hymns of mourning. Mourning the Lily of Gotham, the kind King. Many feel pity and eat up the sad look of Brucie in a shock blanket being consoled by a young police officer. Soon enough the papers latch onto the easy money, and their deaths become sensationalised. Bruce's life gets held under a microscope, not a month goes by without a paper coming out about Bruce and his sad, orphaned life.

Mourning the loss of Park Row. Angered at the creation of Crime Alley.

[theunluckyclover775]

It's spring break for me, which means only one thing.

✨RINGO✨

I've missed my tiny rotisserie chicken 🍗🍗🍗

[theunluckyclover775]

Hey chat what is the clench and why am I just finding out about it? You're telling me there's a disease that makes you cry blood and have dreams about dead loved ones; and I, a fanfic writer and avid fan of hurt/angst, didn't know about it?

I feel betrayed but also fueled to write but I don't want to portray it wrong(?) idk my urge to make things accurate is holding me back