valentinelocks

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Seeing Harry Potter / Ginny Weasley in the tags of an EWE fic has got to be one of the most disappointing experiences ever. Cuz atp what did you even change…

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Trash Reality TV shows I know they watch

Dick: Hoarders + Decorating Cents

He accidentally sent a sc of a house from decorating cents to Bruce once with no context and received a transfer to his bank acc a few minutes later with “people go to school for this - leave it to the professionals” in the description 💔

The scrubbing frenzy Hoarders had him in though was unprecedented and honestly, his place hasn’t reached quite the same level of messy since.

Jason: Real Housewives of Gotham + Cake Boss

He got into a twitter feud once with the guy from Cake Boss and has hate watched his show since 😭 literally celebrated when the show tanked 😭

Isn’t sure how he started watching RHoG but definitely prefers the older seasons and will judge you for who you pick as your favourite cast member.

They actually read out his comment the one time he wrote in during a reunion?? Needless to say - crime alley got off lightly that week 🤩

Peter: My Strange Addiction + Love Island

Has been using Love Island terms to ragebait jason for the last two weeks 😭 (“…can I pull you in for a chat—“ “FUCK OFFF-”)

As for MSA…he’s fascinated by the spectrum of experiences within the human condition and I respect that.

Tim: 90 Day Fiancé + Catfish

Bets on couples with Steph. Is it toxic? Yes. Did he win the last three couples? Also yes. Money talks people 🤭

On a more concerning note though, he enjoys watching CF for “research” and “ideas”…like oh that’s not-

Damian: Worlds Strictest Parents

After consuming enough WSP, he got curious and actually pretended to smoke once, just to see if Bruce would get mad enough to ship him off (spoiler alert: he didn’t - but he did call Talia on him which was arguably, worse)

Roy: Teen Moms

Got in trouble one time after Will received a fathers day card from Lian thanking him for dropping out of high school to raise her (he helped her write it)

Artemis: House Hunters

Got into the show when she and Wally were looking for apartments.

Actually crashes out when couples don’t pick the same house as her 😭 it’s sooo serious 😭

Wally: The Bachelor

Got hooked when he was still living with his parents and believes it to be 100% real - has cried on certain eliminations.

Calls mama west to debrief after every new episode 🫡

——

Loosely based on my Peter x Young Justice fic

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Memories (And The People They Torture) : Chapter 11 Update

Y’all I’m barely alive right now but I updated the fic!!! Writers block? I hardly know her 😮‍💨🥂 we are soooooi back guys hope you enjoy this one it’s on the house xxx

Word count: 8.5k

Again, thank you to everyone who was so patient with me between updates, all your encouragement helped me not give up and I wouldn’t be giggling up here without you :’)

I ended up trying a slightly different writing format this time around that I’m a bit nervous about but I have hope that it worked 🤕

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I’m not quitting but has anyone actually been waiting on an update (for Memories and the People They Torture)?

I haven’t been able to update the fic because I just feel like I don’t have anything meaningful or engaging to write in general anymore which is so disheartening. Writing use to give me so much joy. I’m so lost right now.

The longer I take to write a scene the harder it feels to even try. I’ve rewritten this update at least ten times and I just keep thinking it’s not good enough / scrapping scenes and feeling like it doesn’t make sense to the plot. It’s the weirdest most alienating feeling in the world. I feel so disconnected from my own work.

I’ve lost confidence in my ability to write and I’m terrified it going to show up in the update if I ever do complete it.

Anyway I just thought I’d put this out there in case anyone was actually waiting on the update. I’m sorry and I’m trying 💔

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Writing for Peter again life is sooooo good

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liking an unpopular ship is like being dehydrated in a desert and liking a popular ship is like being dehydrated in the middle of the pacific ocean. you understand

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This is a D.W quote from Arthur btw I just found the coincidence that her initials are the same as Damian’s waaaaay too funny

[Damian and Peter sketching on some rooftop]

Damian: what did you draw?

Peter: (flipping his sketch book) A dog. And he’s bored. What did you draw?

Damian: (sighing) A stick.

Peter: A stick??

Damian: A stick from the park where YOU PROMISED TO TAKE ME TODAY!!!

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Platonic pairings + ships that keep me up at night:

Roy & Peter & Jason (Todd) - prime example of that insane enabler + high functioning alcoholic + weed dealer trio you know peripherally on campus. Like the statistics they share between them 😭 I’d like to think they’re recovering but they’re always getting into some bullshit you’d have to really fuck around to find out LMAO

I think about their antics all the time 💔

Reyna & Jason (Grace) - I know she moved on to the hunters and I don’t necessarily ship them but I find them so tragic like…Jason is a closeted gay to me but even then I always felt like the love and respect he had for Reyna just sort of vanished at some point in HoO?? Like they never interacted meaningfully in the series even though we’re told they’re supposed to be so close and the erasure just feels sinister. The betrayal she felt was so justified and they kinda made her look petty for it!!

Like the love of her life and lowkey situationship just came back with a random gf. The tension - the misunderstandings on both parties - and if there was a reveal that he could never have loved either of them in the way they wanted??!! Crazy. Like yes Jason was her best friend and greatest love - but he wasted crucial years of her life letting her agonising over something that could’ve never been. But at the same time the duty she represented, the unwavering esteem she held him to & the expectations of those around them that crushed him meant Jason could never really tell her. I think they would’ve had a lot of complicated feelings I wish they unpacked 💔

Dick x Artemis - like every night. I’m awake and I just. Can’t sleep. They’re chemistry- haunts. It’s like the equivalent of the internalised homophobia tag to me. I’ve been conditioned to hate friends to lovers for so long and unlearning it has made me reevaluate how I feel about other ships I dismissed earlier. Like damn maybe I actually fucked with this on the low I just didn’t have the language to express that 💔

Harry x Luna - yeah so this is my canon. I never talk about them because they’re sacred to me in a way I can’t handle others criticising PLEASE DONT ASK ME ABOUT THEM (I won’t shut up)

Harry x Hermione - I know they fucked in that tent and I’m content with the fact that I know it haunts them more than me.

Jason (Grace) x Nico DiAngelo - what could’ve happened if Rick actually liked Jason 💔

Jason (Todd) x Musa - literally nobody cares but I wish someone would write about them omgod

Leo Valdez x Calypso - mostly in a “what the HELL was that about” sort of way

like Leo my love please stand up 😭 calypso is an avid ihatmybf tag reposter and it’s nawwttt a joke to her please 😭 GET OUT OF THERE

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I heard someone say that all your hobbies can be traced back to a single moment which made me remember that when I was in elementary school, my sister and I would have "storytime" late at night after my parents went to sleep. And it would just be me rewriting the ending of shows we watched when we didn't like the endings. Chat I was literally writing fanfiction for wild Kratts.

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[Damian and Peter sketching on some rooftop]

Damian: what did you draw?

Peter: (flipping his sketch book) A dog. And he’s bored. What did you draw?

Damian: (sighing) A stick.

Peter: A stick??

Damian: A stick from the park where YOU PROMISED TO TAKE ME TODAY!!!

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HC: Peter Parker is a functioning alcoholic

But it’s subtle enough at first that no one really says anything. Like yeah he day drinks - but it was just brunch! And beers/mimosas are half off

:(( Everyone ordered drinks.

And there’s nothing wrong with having a cold beer after studying. Or a few. After missions is just a standard at this point. And some nights in require a little something to take the edge off - even if he just finished a six pack on his own.

Don’t even start with the liquor pen either - it was a joke. The gala was boringgggg it made things fun! And sure, no one under 40 really carries a flask…but it was a souvenir! Jason got it for him.

It’s not until Roy kind of points it out one morning that Dick even considers the idea at all.

Because surely not. Peter’s never been…and he’s never seen him blackout…a lot..but with his metabolism the guy burns through it a lot quicker than most…and it would take a lot to even keep him drun- oh god. He really is an alcoholic.

The intervention that followed wasn’t supposed to be dramatic. But if they really wanted that they definitely shouldn’t have invited Jason - who, unbeknownst to everyone, took it upon himself to hire PROFESSIONAL MOURNERS to cry and beg Peter not to ruin his life 😭

And then they played the alcohol awareness PSA video that Damian and Tim made?? But it was pretty clear they were bickering over the script in between cuts because Alfred drops the camera at one point to break them up 😭😭

Wally actually had no idea what they were supposed to be intervening (chronic gc ignorer) so he just made a sign that said ‘stop!!’ in hopes that no one would notice while he tried to gauge what the issue actually was (Artemis wouldn’t stop laughing which did nawtt help his case LMAO)

In the end Peter agreed to attend a few AA meetings and sober up at the request that Jason join him (Dick’s incessant invitation suddenly makes a whole lot of sense...but there’s nothing he can really do about it now)

————

Some thoughts that my fanfic generated 💔 I promise I’m working on chapter 11 omgod

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Being a fic writer sometimes feels like I’m a reality tv producer running around with a camera to capture scenes

And sometimes, parts of the cast just aren’t mic’d up - so I have no idea what they were saying in my maladaptive post production writing /editing

And then I have to be the annoying “um excuse me☝️” guy to remind everyone I need to HEAR WHAT THEY’RE SAYING TO WRITE IT HELLO

But now the chemistry’s lost 💔 it’s not as organic💔 so now I have to run one on one confessionals with my cast hoping someone will remember what the hell one character said / thought at that particular time with enough clarity for me to frankenstitch a semi decent conversation together( everything they say is to be taken with a grain of they-don’t-know- what-I-have- in-store-for-them salt )

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Is Peter answering their ft call

Dick: If he wants to get shit done that day? Absolutely not. There’s no such thing as a causal ft with Dick they will end up 9 hours in discussing anything and everything. Definition of yapper & listener duo 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ like he can’t even hang up when they go to the bathroom fr they’re locked innnn

Wally: yes but his video will lag severely for a minute and by the time it catches up to his audio it does that glitchy 2x speed catchup that slows everything else down so now Peter’s 10 topics behind 😭

Jason: yes but only because it scares the shit out of him every time Jason’s fuckass no caller id pops up with a FaceTime request like who the hell is this random freak calling at this hour who isn’t in his contacts omgod please

Damian: if he sees it, yes, because Damian will get sulky about it later. Which honestly isn’t even fair to Peter considering how often the call is just a poorly angled iPad being held towards various spiders that Damian will then demand he translate “I don’t want to spray you just get out I need to shower” to (“it’s not a language Damian it’s just intent - they can’t sense my intent from a screen I have to be there.” “So get here.” “I’m working.” “Why? You do realise social mobility amongst the classes is a myth right?” “…? Now who-“ “Buy that joker shake on your way here for me. Bye.”)

Tim: oh yeah. He’s actually one of the few people Peter goes out of his way to FaceTime because holy shit he will answer in the craziest situations. This is the same man that joins JL zoom calls escaping an avalanche completely unmuted like “Morning guysaianwiwGAHHHjaKSJU-?!”

He’s also insanely nonchalant about it too like dude are you okay 😭

Roy: another no caller id warrior except he’s not unhinged enough to ft Peter without his number showing. There have been times however where he’s answered and a drunk Jason will be laughing filming whatever shenanigans they’re currently up to (yes, he still has screen-recorded evidence of Roy accidentally falling off a bridge and crashing into a couple’s riverside dinner looking every bit the drunk, overgrown ginger Cupid wearing a domino mask holding lethal arrows)

——————

Random headcanon I just thought of inspired by my Peter in Gotham fic

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Familiar froot done well 🤩💕

Edited Cinderella (2015) poster via @grandehorror on Instagram

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Do they have a skincare routine?

Dick: he’ll tell you yes but it’s literally water 🙄

Peter: he’s more on the reactive side in that he won’t put too much effort in until he starts getting congested skin

Tim: yes but it’s all travel sized for some reason?? He travels a lot so it’s just - pocket sized. And he never sticks to the same product either since it’s just whatever he finds in duty free 😭

Wally: he had a weak wave of acne as a teenager…it’s 10 steps and he’s never missed a DAY

Jason: he respects it, but it ain’t him

[Peter, reading his response: wait this is the third time he’s written this…is this a stamp? Is he STAMPING out answers - Jason wtf??]

Artemis: yes but shes stopped buying her own and lives exclusively off of Wally’s products bc he’s been using her haircare stuff so they’ve reached like an equilibrium

Damian: he’s too young and doesn’t care but will occasionally throw out your products unprovoked if they take up too much counter space 💔 he doesn’t even need to live there either he’ll just do it (he’s been banned from Wally’s bathroom)

Roy: he couldn’t tell you a toner from a serum.. the man’s running on sunscreen and vibes 😭

——

I based this off my Peter x young justice fanfic if anyone’s confused 🙂‍↕️

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Toddler Damian who goes entirely silent around Peter and hides behind Bruce or Dick’s leg whenever Peter’s in his spidersuit

So Peter thinks he doesn’t recognise him - despite the fact that Dami asks about Peter between visits and wonders why he isn’t around.

Until Dick sends him this video:

[cameraman Dick trying to stifle his laugh, steps into the batcave and slowly approaches a crouching Damian]

Dick: (leaning in) Whachya doing over there Damian?

Damian: talking to peta

Dick: huh? where-?

[Damian, entirely too nonchalantly, turns around with a huge fucking tarantula in his hand]

Damian: See. Peta.

[tarantula scurries]

Dick: DAMIAJNDOENESAAAAHHHHHHHH

[the phone drops - the video cuts mid scream]

The accompanying text: it’s still on the loose pls help 😭

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Peter has no idea Steph and Tim aren’t exclusive

So when he walks past Tim in an alcove at Gotham U cozied up awfully close with someone else he doesn’t initially say anything (but by god he’s judging) and when he makes eye contact with him a few days later sucking face with a different girl at the library cafe, Peter makes his disapproval KNOWN.

Missions at Mt Justice don’t change and he doesn’t ask to switch teams or anything drastic - but there’s next to no banter between them anymore. No silly games or witty jokes - Peter just clocks in and clocks the fuck out now. And no can even say anything because - he responds! And he still works just fine when they’re paired up. He also listens / replies when spoken to - he just isn’t friendly anymore.

In fact - he totally shuts down any conversation Tim joins and gets the coldest look on his face which is BAFFLES EVERYONE???

Because holy shit Peter doesn’t like you?? Do you kick puppies for a living - what the hell???

They’ve never really seen Peter mad before. Annoyed - sure. But this ice out is a new one and honestly kind of scary.

And Tim is ???? So confused. Because he has no idea what Peter’s upset about since he hadn’t actually noticed him that day.

Now - Jason obviously finds this hilarious because hell yeah fuck that guy (he knows they’re open he’s just saying choosing to say NOTHING).

Dick doesn’t know what to make of it because he’s pretty sure they were open? But now he’s doubting it because weren’t they just celebrating their anniversary?? (Zatanna mentioned it in passing but his ass was naaawt listening 😭).

No one’s told Damian why Peter doesn’t like Tim right now but he doesn’t care and finds the sudden switch gratifying (he never liked the guy anyway).

Artemis was concerned about the team’s harmony at first but has since decided to stay out of it since it hasn’t affected their work.

But Wally’s been avoiding him too?? Because someone told him a mutated version of the rumour and he now believes Tim tried to bribe Peter to hide his cheating.

[Wally: it’s all alleged but man, who knew he could be such a douchebag?

Roy: (scoffing) it’s a bitch move, that’s for sure.

Jason, who is now hearing a frankensteined version of his own rumour repeated back to him: oh yeah…it’s just - crazy. Really. But you know I heard….]

Everything comes to a head when the rumour gets back to Steph after she comes back from a covert mission so this is literally the intervention that follows:

Artemis: (holding the bridge of her nose) So. We’re gathered here today because I feel there’s been a bit of a misunderstanding.

Tim: there’s no misunderstanding. Spidershit over here’s been spreading FALSE rumours about me-

Peter: I SAW YOU WITH MY OWN EYES YOU PATHOLOGICAL LYING PEICE OF-

TIM: YOU’RE THE MANIPULATIVE LOS-

Steph: shut up! Both of you!

(Silence. Jason coughs)

Artemis: Now does anyone have anything to say before we start? (Sighing) Yes, Pete?

Peter: I get why Steph, Tim and Wally are here. But why’d you call Jason too?

Jason: (Standing up, dusting his pants) he’s right, there’s been a mix up.

Artemis: Sit down Jason - (gestures haphazardly at Wally) just - tell them what you told me. About Tim.

Wally: I…just said that I personally don’t feel comfortable being on the same team as someone who pretended to be an angel of music to manipulate a young girl into loving him with the ultimate intention of keeping her with him forever through fear and…coercion?

Steph: …

Tim: …

Peter: ….dude - what

Artemis: (audibly taking a deep breath) so I don’t know why he just recited the plot of Phantom of the Opera verbatim - but if you think for a second that I’m going to let you walk out in that zeta tube Jason Todd without an explan- SIT DOWN.

Jason: (slumping back in chair, groaning) For the record - I DONT EVEN GO HERE

(The issue was resolved pretty quickly after that)

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Jason using his theater knowledge for chaos🤩 another silly behind the scene moment from my fic 🫶