I am affected.
ābeing aromantic doesnāt affect youā
Iām in elementary school. Iām an avid reader, always have been and always will be. My favorite books are the ones with lots of action, and fantasy, and different worlds full of different lives and different people. Whenever the characters fall in love I roll my eyes and turn the page. I donāt understand how they have time to fall in love when thereās a war going on.
I only like the historical and realistic fiction books without any romantic based plot. I love the Little House on the Prairie books, even if Laura does get married later. I care more about the lifestyle than anything, about learning how the prairie children live.
I finally get permission to read teenager books. They seem so mature and amazing and developed compared to the children books, but they have so much romance in them. What happened to preserving family bonds and forging strong friendships? I roll my eyes through slow kisses and huff at the silent pining for someone they canāt have. It seems so ridiculous.
My favorite pairs are shipped, but I never see how they could be in love. I never really have an OTP, but I treasure my BROTPās and collect their friendships and sibling bonds quietly. I try and explain how I feel about the shipping to my friends, but they donāt seem to understand, so I give up and quietly listen to their talk of how much the characters love one another, defeated by the overpowering majority who scream about romantic love.
I donāt hate the ships, I just like the friendships better. I seem to be the only one who feels this way. I am isolated.Ā
ābeing aromantic doesnāt affect youā
Iām in elementary school. I really want to be friends with this boy. He is smart, he is funny, he plays sports, and we seem like we would be good friends. Most of all, he reminds me of my last best friend, before I had to move. But I am awkward, and easily influenced. My friends tell me I must like him. I donāt know how to deny it, so I agree and follow their advice.
I think itās stupid, but maybe I do like him. Maybe thatās how all this works.
Our friendship is ruined. He doesnāt like me anymore, friend or otherwise.
ābeing aromantic doesnāt affect youā
Iām in middle school. Everyone around me talks about who they like, and why they like them. I think that I also like people - surely, liking someone means you really want to be friends, right? I ask. Iām laughed at. I choose a boy in my grade to like.
When I get older, Iāll like people, I decide. Iām just not old enough. For now, Iāll hide behind being unable to date until Iām older, and for now Iāll choose someone who checks all the boxes my friends seem to talk about. To me, it just sounds like what people want in a best friend, except theyāre supposed to be cute.
I make a list of qualities, find a new boy every year in my classes. I choose someone I probably wonāt see the next year, and am never very disappointed when I donāt have a class with them the next school year. I wonder if everyone does this.
The ācrushā of the year tells me heās moving states after I tell him I like him. Iām relieved, instead of sad. All my friends comfort me, but I donāt really care. They find this odd, so I donāt talk too much about it. I hate feeling isolated.
ābeing aromantic doesnāt affect youā
Iām in high school. Iāve been a silent observer of the LGBTQ+ community since elementary school. For a long time, I wonder if Iām anything besides what society considers ānormalā, if any of the identities apply to me. I wonder if how I feel is how everyone feels. No matter what I do, I feel different than everyone else about love, because Iām so indifferent to it.
I discover the asexual community first, and then I find the aromantic community. Iām surprised by how much I relate to it, but Iām also scared. This canāt be me, because then I wouldnāt be able to have the life Iāve always wanted.
Perfect family. Perfect husband. Perfect job. Perfect life.
I deny it. I tell myself I donāt actually relate, I just want to be different. Iām just caught up in a trend. I canāt aromantic, no matter how much I relate. I hate how I feel. I just want to be like everyone else. Why canāt I be like everyone else?
ābeing aromantic doesnāt affect youā
Iām in high school. All my friends are in relationships. I donāt really understand, but I try my best to be supportive. At the beginning of my sophomore year, my best friend tells me he likes me, and has liked me for awhile. I ask my big sister what I should do. Do I like him back? For the first time, I ask what romance feels like.
She tells me itās like being best friends, but thereās just a little more. I wonder what that little more feels like.
We begin to date, and Iām uncomfortable. Heās my best friend. Nothing is different, except we hold hands, yet the concept of dating someoneā¦ it feels wrong.
I finally accept it. Iām aromantic, and thatās okay. We break up. Weāre still best friends, and he still likes me. I am okay.
ābeing aromantic doesnāt affect youā
Iām in high school. I tell my friends that Iām aromantic. Each time I come out, itās a new vocabulary lesson. Itās exhausting to find metaphors and explanations and definitions that they understand.
One of my friends told me she thinks itās sad that I donāt feel romantic love. Iām too shocked to respond. She doesnāt even try to understand, and Iām hurt by her words. I am perfectly fine without romance - why canāt she see that?
I canāt tell one of my friends. I think he likes me and I donāt think he would understand, because he says things that feel wrong. I find out heās a Trump supporter and quietly break off our friendship. I can never be too careful.
One of my friends says that Iāll find someone who makes me love. He thinks itās just a joke, but I am hurt. None of my friends understand why I am mad. He means well, but itās like heās forgotten who I am.
I canāt tell my family, except for my big sister, but sheās far away right now. They wouldnāt understand, they would tell me I donāt know what Iām feeling. My little sister would try and remind me of every fake crush I had. My parents would tell me I havenāt found the right person yet.
āBEING AROMANTIC DOESNāT AFFECT YOUā
Iām in high school. I finally get to tell my big sister that Iām aromantic. I wanted to do it in person, and Iām not worried that she wonāt accept me. After all, sheās LGBTQ+ too and the only ally I can have in my house, because I canāt trust anyone else not to shame me.
I tell her everything. Sheās pokerfaced. Later that night, I hear her laughing through my bedroom walls. When I pass her door I hear what she is saying to her friend on call. She is making fun of me.Ā
She doesnāt think I can be aromantic, since Iām so young.
She thinks itās an excuse, since I donāt want to date my best friend.
She says she felt the same way, and that Iāll find someone like her.
Sheās laughing at my identity.
Iām heartbroken, betrayed, anguished. In my bedroom that night, I sob for an hour, spiraling, hating myself more and more. She was supposed to be my ally in the house, she was supposed to support me, but instead she laughed behind my back.
The next day, I canāt look her in the eye.
āBEING AROMANTIC DOESNāT AFFECT YOUā
Iām in high school. My best friend still likes me, and weāre still only best friends, because he knows that we can never be together. Sometimes it can be awkward, but mostly we avoid the topic. A month after we break up, he tells me we canāt be best friends anymore, because he needs to get over his feelings for me.
I go to my queer friend group and cry for ten minutes before my two hardest finals, because theyāre the only ones who might understand. This is worse than when we broke up, because then it was mutual and now it is another rug swept from under my feet, another friend lost because of my identity.
He doesnāt understand why I am hurt, and I am too exhausted to put it into words. My friendships matter so much to me, but my friends donāt seem to always understand.Ā
I tell him to leave me alone. I need to process this by myself. He tells me that we can still be friends. I tell him to leave me alone. He finally understands how much Iām hurt, after I try to explain. I tell him to leave me alone. He tries to comfort me, and I ignore him. After all, he isnāt my best friend anymore, because he likes me and I canāt like him back, and this is just another friendship ruined.
I am affected.
I was in elementary school. I was a kid. I didnāt understand. I felt isolated and different because because nobody understood I didnāt have a crush.Ā
I was in middle school. I was a tween. I didnāt understand. I felt isolated and lost and confused because nobody seemed to feel the same way as I did.
Iām in high school. Iām a teenager. I donāt understand. I feel isolated and different and lost and confused and angry and hurt because nobody gives me representation and Iāve lost so many friendships because I finally have an identity Iām at peace with.
Iām going to be in college. Iām going to be an adult. I donāt think I will understand. I donāt know how I will feel because the future is uncertain and maybe one day nobody will need a vocabulary lesson every time I say Iām aromantic.
I hate the world for erasing who I am, for enforcing a narrative where I donāt exist.Ā I hate that people tell me that since I can pass for straight, being aromantic doesnāt matter. I hate that people tell me they pity me because I canāt feel romantic love. I hate that Iām never represented. I hate that my potential representation only becomes discourse.
I hope for a future where romantic love is not the only narrative. I hope for a future where my affection with my friends is not seen as inherently romantic. I hope for a future where society acknowledges I exist and doesnāt ridicule my feelings and identity. I hope for a future where I can find canon representation and not have to guess. I hope for a future where I am accepted by those not exactly like me.
I hope I donāt hope for too much.
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Important Post!
Here, I'll be outlining my DNI (do not interact) & BYF (before you follow)!
DNI:
- exclusionists or neutral leaning exclus
- TERFs/SWERFs/TEHMs
- ddlg (+variants) supporters and partakers
- anyone under the age of 16 and anyone over the age of 25 (just makes me uncomfy, I'm 18)
- right-wingers & centrists (no matter your lean)
- if you're triggered by the word queer, I do not and will not censor it so this isn't the place for you.
- self identified truscum. it's 2021, I thought we stopped the "omg ew transtrender" insecure bullshit in 2019.
- pro-shippers, maps/nomaps, etc. y'all are pedophiles. literally fucking choke.
BYF:
- I curse a lot. If that causes panic, or you just don't like it, please don't follow/dm.
- I use they/them & it/its pronouns, I'm also okay with most neos if that's what you wanna use. Do not EVER use she/her or he/him when talking about me/to me.
- I'm neurodivergent and lack sympathy/empathy for those who aren't close friends of mine. I also deal with mild anger issues because of this as well. So if you tick me off, I'm not going to hold back, and I won't care about going off either.
- Typically I don't understand when someone is being sarcastic or joking over text, tone tags are appreciated but if you don't use them, don't get mad when I constantly ask if you're serious or not.
- Most of my posts aren't discourse. Identity discourse isn't tolerated, I'll just block you.
- Invalidating my identity in any way will seriously set me off, as my identity journey has been a big part of my life thus far. I will not hesitate to block + go off on you if you do this.
- Genuinely, if you disagree with me, keep it to yourself. I couldn't be assed to care. I don't care if you think certain identities are fake or whatever, that shit makes you look insecure and sad as fuck. Get over yourself lol.
- I don't always respond to messages, my phone is a piece of shit and dies constantly, freezes, etc. So don't expect much.
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