wondersimp

[wondersimp]

*Someone asks Dick to pass the salt*

Damian: …Grayson, how do you tell apart someone addressing you by the name ‘Dick,’ from one who is insulting you by the genitalia word ‘dick?’

Dick: …Well, um

Jason: He can’t.

Dick: What no, of course I-!

Jason: *maintains eye contact* Trust me, You. Can’t.

Dick: *stares* How often are calling me a Dick and not my name?

Tim: *without looking up from his phone* Oh, it’s usually used synonymously.

Dick:

Damian: I see. *goes back to eating*

Dick: *mentally questions every time someone’s said his name*

[wondersimp]

Jason communication Headcanon

Jason Todd is not great with communication.

He wants to support you, but he just sucks at finding the right words. He definitely gives it the good old college try though. The problem is that the poor man has no chill about it.

For example, you could be venting to him in the car about a fight with a friend, and he'll be so aggressive about taking your side:

Jason: "No babe you're right, they were totally out of line."

You:"Thanks Jay."

*Drives in silence*

Jason, out of nowhere: "...Yeah, what a fucking @#$@*$&*!-"

You: 0_0

The fight wasn’t even a big deal, you were just pissed they took your last fry. Yet here he is, calmly cussing them out like he’s just discussing the weather.

And this happens. Every. Single. Time

It doesn’t matter who it is or what they did, the man's response will always be at 100% on your behalf.

He’ll be ready to insult a lady’s entire bloodline when he hears she made fun of your cooking, then have to be immediately reminded that said person was your mom, Jason.

He’s going to ensure you feel validated, and know that’s he’s on your side, 100%.

…Look he just wants to make sure you feel supported, ok?

Give him some time and eventually, he’ll learn to properly measure his responses during your vent sessions.

[wondersimp]

Find yourself a man that looks at you the way Jason looks at Pussy

(I know what I said.)

prompt from twt!!<33

[wondersimp]

Jason immediately gets Tim to do some investigating and they quickly catch on to Damian and Duke’s schemes.

Now they secretly follow the two so they can make shadow puppets whenever Duke does his light show.

Why? Trolling purposes.

Damian: You will learn to fear the name ROBIN

Random criminal: Wait, is that why your shadow is shaped like a little bird?

Damian: …What?

Jason giggling behind a stack of crates with Tim: Lmao, now do a Rabbit

Bonus: Steph takes a video of the entire ordeal to posts on TikTok. Barb makes sure it goes viral.

Ok ok, HEAR ME OUT.

Y'know how Duke's supposed to have them light bendy power thingies?

Imagine Damian blackmailing him to accompany him on patrols so he can hide and mess around with the lights to make Robins' shadow ABSOLUTELY LARGE AND TERRIFYING.

I'm talking that scene with Mushu from Mulan when he's like "I'M YOUR ANCESTORS DRAGON" Type shadow play. (Damian just wants criminals to finally acknowledge him as intimidating and to stop calling him 'kid'.)

Thoughts?

omg XD damian SO would, you're absolutely right

jason: . . . and why are you going on patrol with damian?? aren't you our daytime hero?? duke: *unwilling to admit that he's going as a glorified prop* uh . . . . schedules are messed up 'cause of like . . . daylight . . . savings time jason: jason: seems legit

[wondersimp]

He Tries

Unless it's for patrol, Jason Todd rarely leaves Crime Alley.

Most of your relationship together consists of home dates. Going out means a walk around the neighborhood, maybe a trip to the local Batburger if you're feeling adventurous. Anything beyond that is like pulling teeth with him.

He's not exactly a recluse, but his time after the Lazarus pit has made his paranoia reach the same levels as Bruce's and so he's rather stay within his home turf.

Despite the name, Crime Alley was his safe zone. It's where he grew up. He knows the people, the streets, has every nook and cranny there is to find memorized. Outside of the area? It's a minefield. Too many variables for him to account for.

He's already uncomfortable with how others view him. The fact that he's built like a tank alone makes him self-conscious, (We're not even getting into his autopsy scars.) Dealing with his family is stressful enough, so trying to interact with people he doesn't know or trust, and on top of unfamiliar territory? Fuck that, it's not worth the hassle. He'll stick to what he's familiar with, thank you very much.

Eventually, people in your social circle start to notice, and they have questions. Why is it so rare to see you two together at social gatherings? How come you always have to run errands on your own? When will they actually get to meet the guy?

His absence will be interpreted as his not caring, and they'll start to speculate the seemingly low-effort he puts into your relationship. Shouldn't he make more of an effort, plan for more elaborate dates? Maybe he's not as invested in the relationship. They might even hint that he's not worth the time, and it's time to cut your losses. Maybe find someone more dedicated and serious about pursuing a future together.

You promptly tell those people to go and fuck off.

Look, this man has been through hell and back. He's died and come back to life with a serious case of trauma as a souvenir. Before you, he never intended to step foot into civilian life again.

But for you? Oh God does he try.

You can tell when you catch him one morning psyching himself up to pick you up from a group hangout. You can tell in the way he finally agrees to try that cafe by your work and never lets go of your hand. His knuckles will be white from how hard he’s gripping the counter, but the one around your hand could not be more gentle. You can tell when he works up the courage to introduce you to Alfred, despite still having trouble with anything connected to his life in the Wayne family.

You definitely know when one day you find yourself required to attend a Wayne Gala for your job. Surrounded by Gotham's highest elites has you feeling out of place and absolutely terrified of making the slightest misstep, so you call your boyfriend for a pep talk. The second he clocks in on your anxiety, the man's on his way and arriving in minutes, a suit and tie haphazardly thrown on (fitting him WAY too well) and his hair wild from the drive up on his bike as he’s scanning the room for you.

This was the man that would rather take a crowbar to the knee then spend a night among Gotham's socialites. Not even Mr. Pennyworth himself could get him to go. Yet here he is with an arm around your waist as you navigate around the crowded ballroom. He'll be stiff as a board the entire time and speak only a handful of words in total to the other guests, but he never stops the slow circles he makes on your side with his thumb.

You know Jason has his personal demons, and things that were no big deal for others was an incredible struggle for him. You also knew that there was nothing he wouldn't fight through if it was for you. Whether it be an army or himself, he'd always continue to try.

For a life with you, he'd learn to live again.

And that was more then you could ever ask for.

A/n: Was it good? Was it bad? Heck if I know, but gotta show my love for Mr. Jason Todd somehow :P

[wondersimp]

PLEASE BOTHER US @jjenthuseeI LOVE HIM!!

— Jason Todd PFP —

i didn’t wanna bother u guys too much with all of the pfp i made, so i have an additional 2 free drawings on patreon! I hope u like them all 🥹

[wondersimp]

I love how this implies that the therapist has confessed their backstory to almost all of their clients.

Dick: You've become more cheerful and relaxed lately Jason: Yeah, that's because I'm seeing a therapist regularly now! Dick [interested]: And does that really help you so much? Jason: To lift my spirits—absolutely! Jason: I answer a question with a question, I lie, I dodge, I act and I test to see if he can figure out my game Jason: We'll see who's the first to whine about their childhood traumas!

[wondersimp]

“Hey guys sorry for the MIA, I’ve kinda been dead and resurrected, plus some other personal stuff. Anyways hope you guys enjoy this chapter!”

Talia: *attempting to calm a newly conscious Jason Todd* I am sure this must come as a shock to you, child, but it’s been three years since- Jason: *jolting up in bed, scaring the shit out of five watching assassins* FUCK, MY FICS HAVE GONE UN-UPDATED FOR THREE YEARS? Talia: Jason: I PROMISED MY SUBSCRIBERS— Ra’s: *leaning over to Talia* what is a . . “Fic”? Talia: *shrugs*

[wondersimp]

@jjenthusee This man will have hunted me down for a bounty, only to realize I was the one who set the bounty.

CB! Jason: But the bounty said “Alive or dead”

Reader: Check again cowboy

Bounty: “Alive or wrecked (preferably both)”

CB!Jason:…

Reader: Look you’re hot, and I wanna get chased do you want the money or not?

Outlaw

i’m just going to scooch in here and put cowboy jason todd right here if u don’t mind 🤲🏽

[wondersimp]

Me: *staring at Jason’s hair*

Jason: Um…can I help you?

Me: *points at him* You’re head looks like an Oreo

Jason: What the fuck-

Me: This makes you a snack

Jason:

Jason: When’s the last time you slept?

Me: S N A C C *noms him*

[wondersimp]

Hi, Anon here. So fun fact:

I dreamt I was really pissed at this random old man and decided biting him was the correct response.

I then woke up to the realize instead that I had, in fact, bit my BF’s chest in my sleep. Hard.

His response? He shoots up, goes “wha th’fuck?” Then proceeds to nuzzle up next to me like a cat and fall right back to sleep.

If that ain’t Jason coded I don’t know what is. (They are both grumpy cats, and I love it 🥰)

LMAO ok hear me out:

Imagine reader just decided to bite Jason back out of retaliation and this somehow reverse vampires him:

Reader: *chomps*

Jason: *turns back into a human*

Reader: ?!?

Jason:

Jason: *trying not to freak out* How the fuck-

Reader: *freaking out* I DONT KNOW

(Inspired by that time I accidentally bit my Bf in my sleep😅)

LOL you single handedly figure out how to save the entire universe from the vampire apocalypse all because Jason bit you one too many times 😭😭😭

And Jason's simultaneously in awe and also mentally doing the math on if turning vampires into humans again is a you thing or an anyone thing

[wondersimp]

I just realized: Dick “supposedly has the best ass” Grayson would totally take this as a personal challenge and start doing fan service too, anime poses and everything.

Nightwing: *kitty paws* Nya~

Fans: *screeching*

Red hood: *whispers in horror* What the fuck?

Nightwing: *looks Jason dead in the eyes* UwU :3

Red hood: No S T O P-

Jason’s tempted to end it right there but Goddamn it he refuses to lose to Dickface so fucking buckle up cause he will not stop until he is #1

Bruce questions his life decisions when a video goes viral of the two having a twerk off.

Jason would unironically do fan service.

Wouldn't it be funny to watch this muscular, brutish and tall vigilante make a heart with the same gloves that beat the absolute living shiz out of a criminal?

Don't get me wrong, the first time he did it, it was a joke to get under the skin of Bruce or another batfam and by chance a civilian saw them. And reluctantly he became a meme, a word of mouth Gothamite inside joke.

Desperately, Jason didn't want to hear "hey, ya gon do the heart? Make the heart!" that Gotham was asking of him.

But he had an epiphany. A realization that he could single-handedly, with upmost bothersome Gothamite support, be the most annoying person to the batfam once again.

So he gave Gotham what they wanted.

Thumbs up? no, too simple. fingers hearts? much better. hand heart on his metallic cheek? he was going all in.

he was cutting out heart-shaped cards and throwing them out to whoever could catch them. It became a hit.

And Jason looked forward to every night as he watched all the Batfam roll their eyes at the pure absurdity that became the weekly Red Hood fanservice.

And best of all? What were they going to do? Tell Gotham to stop encouraging this? Hell no.

Jason got the best sleep during such a painful time of peak Red Hood enthusiasm for the Batfam. And it was because of how excited he was to terrorize them for another day.

[wondersimp]

Batman Musical Au #1

So I have lots of thoughts on this, but I don't wanna make a five-page post so imma break this into snack size bits. Any questions about the au is welcomed.

Basically, Gotham's theatre kids decide to start posting music videos of their local vigilantes.

From original pieces to parodies, anything goes as long as it's about Gotham's famous rogues.

They start small, their first video being a quick short featuring Batman. The group manages to get a shot of him grappling in the distance while they chant their new theme song dedicated to him. The result is some shaky footage but the group deems it good enough and officially posts it on their youtube channel.

The video blows up. It goes viral within the hour.

By the next night, Batman can't go anywhere without random citizens busting out "Nana nana nana nana-BATMAN" every time he's spotted. The rest of the Batfam finds it hilarious.

[wondersimp]

Batman Musical AU

Ok, so with all of the damage caused by Gotham's villains and rogues, I'd imagine there's little funding to support the performing arts.

Now, Gothamites do NOT give up easily. They deal with attacks from the Joker on a weekly basis. The motherfuckers are like cockroaches, nothing keeps them down for long.

The same goes for Gothams' local theatre kids. These dramatic little shits are going to express themselves and nothing's going to stop them. Fear gas by this point is considered to be inspirational material for tragic characters.

With that being said, it's hard to find the resources to put on public shows. Forget props, their local community center can barely withstand a light breeze. So stage performances like Wicked, Hamilton, and Heathers? Not in the cards for them. Any equipment they acquire is second-hand and only covers the basics.

But like I said, Gothamites don't go down easy. These are the art nerds, which means they can get creative. They'll do their own music numbers, and what better source of inspiration then Gotham itself?

So begins the Bards of Gotham.

More at 11

[wondersimp]

Lmao it won’t be long until there’s a red hood fan club. He’s now Gotham’s equivalent to a BTS idol

Jason: It’s your hood, it’s my hood, I’m Red hood

Fans: *screaming*

Jason would unironically do fan service.

Wouldn't it be funny to watch this muscular, brutish and tall vigilante make a heart with the same gloves that beat the absolute living shiz out of a criminal?

Don't get me wrong, the first time he did it, it was a joke to get under the skin of Bruce or another batfam and by chance a civilian saw them. And reluctantly he became a meme, a word of mouth Gothamite inside joke.

Desperately, Jason didn't want to hear "hey, ya gon do the heart? Make the heart!" that Gotham was asking of him.

But he had an epiphany. A realization that he could single-handedly, with upmost bothersome Gothamite support, be the most annoying person to the batfam once again.

So he gave Gotham what they wanted.

Thumbs up? no, too simple. fingers hearts? much better. hand heart on his metallic cheek? he was going all in.

he was cutting out heart-shaped cards and throwing them out to whoever could catch them. It became a hit.

And Jason looked forward to every night as he watched all the Batfam roll their eyes at the pure absurdity that became the weekly Red Hood fanservice.

And best of all? What were they going to do? Tell Gotham to stop encouraging this? Hell no.

Jason got the best sleep during such a painful time of peak Red Hood enthusiasm for the Batfam. And it was because of how excited he was to terrorize them for another day.

[wondersimp]

Jason chasing goons out of crime alley: GET OFF MY LAWN

i'm thinking about jason vs white streak and a helmet that doesn't cover his entire face, and the absolute missed comedy of the entirety of crime alley thinking that they are getting beaten up by a very old man.

Average crime alley guy: yeah and then he stopped wearing the full face cover and his hair is like white underneath it's so weird--

other guy: wait. like. white? Like. LIke old person white?

Average crime alley guy: oh my god. oh my goooood. he uses a voice modulator to hide that he's approximately 98 years old. mr hood sir do you need help crossing the street?

Jason, 19: ?????????????

jason then realizes the convenience of being able to take off the mask and no one realize it's him because they're looking for someone older than alfred and just goes along with it and tells increasingly made up stories about being young in the 40s while shooting peoples kneecaps out.

[wondersimp]

Jason: So yeah, I’ve been permanently scarred (both physically and mentally) by a traumatic event as a kid.

Never really been the same after, even went through a bad phase where I was aggressively hunting down this one kid. It’s fine though we’re cool now, pretty much family. Most of it stemmed from beef with my dad anyway.

Honestly,the entire family’s kinda messed up. The only stable member just does what they can and sometimes makes us tea.

Zuko:

Jason: Lol just another Tuesday, amirite?

Zuko:…That’s rough buddy

*Zuko later goes on a life changing journey with each member. Eventually his last name’s been permanently changed to Wayne.

He has no idea when or how this happened. City hall won’t change it back.*

(Uncle Iroh also has weekly tea sessions with Alfred. )