chronically-clueless-and-tired

[chronically-clueless-and-tired]

5 Dating Tips that you Need to Know

As a Gen-Z girly I have navigated many versions of myself. I have been the heartless hoe, the one that got away, and an all out lover girl. I don't have a type which means I have dated the manly men, nerds, and jocks. Each have their perks but after being in a committed 3 year relationship here are some things I think everyone looking for love should hear:

#1 Be Transparent

Looking for something casual? something serious? BE TRANSPARENT. I cannot preach this enough. The right man will be what you are looking for so why are you looking for a committed relationship in a casual guy? It's never made sense to me. The right guy will agree with you and want what you want. Date 1 shouldn't be a conversation about marriage or kids but it should be about boundaries. "Are you traditional? Do you believe in 50/50? I date to marry, do you?" Are all valid questions

#2 Don't Wait on a Guy/Girl

They ghosted you? Look for the new guy/girl. I promise, no, I guarantee, that the man/lady of your dreams will not have you questioning your role in his/her life. Do not wait for a text back, simply practice moving on. Forgetting and growing. Sure the guy/girl that treated you like shit could theoretically be your prince charming but chances are if you give it a chance you will be living a nightmare.

#3 Practice Communication

I could make a whole blog on the power and necessity of communication alone. I once got told I talk to much about myself and to that I'd respond with listen to me talk. It is so important to communicate. Similar to practicing transparency, practice telling your near partner more about you. You love flowers? Tell them. You don't like that restaurant or part of town? Say it. This will help later on clarifying your needs in the relationship. You cant be disappointed on something you communicated.

#4 Learn to Love Flaws

Will your partner be perfect? Absolutely no. You will never meet anyone perfect, ever. Part of loving someone is loving who they are, including their bad traits. You will recognize flaws and part of being in a partnership is admiring these flaws. If these flaws bother you, you should practice communication but if they don't, then understand them. Before you date make a mental list of dealbreakers and stick by this list. If their flaw is a dealbreaker, end it. If it is an annoyance, love it.

#5 Be Safe

I once saw on the internet this story of a girl who went on a date with a guy she had met online. The guy seemed off, but nothing stuck out so after the dinner when the guy asked to take things to his place she obliged. Once at his place she felt like something was wrong and went into the bathroom and called her friends to pick her up. When they got there, the guy had laid plastic wrap on the floor and had instruments such as a knife, rope, and tape ready. Why am I saying this? I am saying it so you practice, no, LIVE safely. Truth is you don't know these men/women that you are meeting. It is important to be polite but politeness does not mean putting yourself in situations you are not comfortable with. Always share your address with friends along with a name and picture of the person you are going on a date/hangout with.

[chronically-clueless-and-tired]

When life gives you lemons... then takes them away

     What’s worse than getting everything you’ve ever wanted? Getting it taken away. Okay maybe that was a dramatic introduction but that dramatic introduction is my current reality. For the past year I’ve been chronically sick and I have spent that year isolated. I’d watch my family go to dinners, travel, and enjoy holidays all without me. Why? Everyone lives far apart and I can't make the drive. Same with my relationship, my boyfriend and I use to go to the town over and just shop. I loved working, having a purpose was rewarding but with my chronic illness I had to stop working. I couldn’t collect unemployment since my doctors at the time didn’t diagnose or help me. So when I started to get better first thing I did was start applying to jobs. Well I just got my first job and instead of being excited I am scared. Scared because I have started getting sick again. I technically haven’t started the job but the day the told me they wanted me on their team I went out to dinner and almost threw up. Almost threw up in the restaurant, store, and even when I got home I still felt sick. This made me nervous. What if I get sick while working? What if I throw up? Will I get fired? I’m not sure what to do other than BEG for an appointment at my local clinic. Problem is I don’t have insurance. And like mentioned before, there is a chance they don’t help me. I’m kinda in a time crunch and there’s a chance they give me a medication that doesn’t work on me. Worse part is I feel trapped. Hopeless, like I cant dare have goals because my vomiting will come back just to haunt me. I wanted this job for so long and now I’m not even sure I should accept it. I feel so dehumanized and hopeless, like my entire identity IS tied down to one thing: my illness. I was born and raised religious but it’s scenarios like these that make me wonder if there really is a God. If I pray hard enough will I be better? Or am I actually praying into the abyss? If I ended my suffering would he accept me? Or would he reject me? Okay sorry maybe that was too dark. On a lighter note, yesterday I spent my entire night manically googling how I felt. And yes, of course I consulted with reddit. What did I find? It’s probably anxiety mixed with actual stomach issues. I made a game plan because of this, call my local clinic and demand an appointment. Otherwise they’d put me on a month long waiting list. Even if I get an appointment, that doesn’t mean I’m guaranteed success. There’s always the chance the doctor dismisses me. Worse case scenario is I live my life as I always have. Isolated, unemployed, and just a little bit bitter. 

[chronically-clueless-and-tired]

Hi, it's me. Here's an introduction to my story and motivation for my health journey. I hope you join me as I navigate adulthood, my wellness, and chronic illness.

 Where to begin? Firstly, welcome. I suck at explaining myself so please hear me out. I am a 19-year-old girl from North America who has, for a year now, been suffering from a mysterious illness. For a year now, I have dealt with absolute hell, unable to regain control of my life. My life consists of nausea and vomiting, headaches and fatigue, and just a hell lot of mental issues. This goes without saying: the daily mental fog. I want to gain control of my health and life narrative. Anyone dealing with chronic health issues probably understands the constant patronizing and dismissal. Some people assume it isn't that bad, and some people assume I'm faking it. Most importantly, they probably understand the loss of self-identity. Your illness becomes you. What you like, dislike, hobbies, and traits are masked by symptoms and accommodations. I have had my true self ripped away from me, and the worst part is, I have no one to blame. I want to change, though. I want to feel and be healthier. My life is stuck at the moment. I keep seeing others reach the goals I had set for myself, and I want to change. My goal with this vlog is to have a diary, an outlet for how I feel while I document my health journey and my journey into regaining control of myself. 

Maybe we should start at the beginning. I wasn't always a bitter, depressed puke machine, believe it or not, this used to not be my life at all. I used to be very healthy and full of energy. Something changed at one point, and to this day, I spend hours overanalyzing what and where everything went wrong. I don't even understand the timeline. All I know is that on Christmas morning 2023, I woke up with the flu and nausea, and ever since then, I have never been the same. To go from exploring the world to being terrified of violently throwing up in front of strangers daily is a big jump. I've tried to get help before, but American medicine was just not doing it. Not that it wasn't working, just that my doctors did little to nothing to get something working. Seriously, once a month I would go into an appointment and be told essentially "that's so weird and not normal... good luck though! Same time next month?" I'm ashamed to admit I did show up same time the very next month. In December 2024, my Mom was overhearing me puke my guts out every day and encouraged me to leave the country to get another opinion from another healthcare system. My mom and I traveled to another country, and the ride there destroyed me. Remember the mental fog I mentioned earlier? Yeah, so my memory isn't spot on, but from what I can remember, the ride was not fun. It was a 4-hour drive to the airport, 3 3-hour plane ride, and then a 2-hour drive from the airport to the place we were staying. The drive to the airport went well until the final 30 minutes. I started to feel sick. Arrived at the airport, threw up (so embarrassing), and prepared for security and boarding. I got fruit snacks and Gatorade at the airport, which I could barely hold down. Once we got on the plane, I found out my assigned seat was an aisle seat right next to two strangers. I felt nauseous the entire plane ride, and even got up to throw up a couple of times. I felt so judged every time I went to throw up until I saw all the flight attendants playing a card game while eating chips and taking shots of Fireball. It was weirdly comforting. I landed, threw up at the airport once more before going through immigration. The cab ride was my real introduction to hell. No, seriously, for a second, I considered the possibility that I had died and this cab ride was my hell. To set the scene, it was hot and I was sweating, I had a migraine, and of course, an insane amount of nausea. This is where the mental fog comes into play. I cannot remember if I fell asleep or what happened, but all I know is one second I was sitting up and the next I was lying my head down, just waking up. I might've fainted, but the truth is I can't remember, and even if I did, I was glad I fainted, took off an hour from the drive. As soon as we got to our destination, I jumped out of the cab and immediately went to bed. Those following 3 days weren't as bad. I didn't eat because I was scared of throwing up, but I wasn't hungry either. Long story short, I went to the doctor, where he didn't diagnose me with anything specifically, but he did explain to me what was happening. He explained that because I often fasted for long hours, the acid in my stomach didn't know what to do with food, so it would send it back up. Mix in the daily vomiting, and my stomach became irritated and developed a hernia. He gave me a couple IVs, a ton of meds, and those next two weeks of vacation were bliss. I ate whatever I wanted and felt great. Fast forward, it's been 5 months, and I mostly still feel well. The first two months, I stopped feeling nauseous, but by month 4, I began feeling nauseous here and there. I would throw up here and there, too. The nausea is subtly coming back, I'm unsure why. And with $60 in my bank account, I can't exactly leave the country again. This time, I refuse to let it get bad again. It's going to be a journey, but I am ready for it.