directlyworded - Tumblr blog

[directlyworded]

Recovery.

When someone says “recovery”, substance abuse and alcoholism are always the first things that come to my mind. It’s just always been that way for me.

In all of my years I never thought that I would have to use the word “recovery” in regards to myself. Now I don’t mean a substance abuse issue or alcoholism. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely do drink a bit too much but that’s not what we’re dealing with at the moment.

I’ve been internalizing relationship issues and it hasn’t been going well. I have been trying to figure out the best way to go about correcting it and making myself feel better other than the prescribed meds.

I have decided to try meditation. I was always the one that would never believe in meditation. But I have read so many good things about it and I think it’s time to give it a try.

I will log the progress. I know it won’t be an overnight fix,but hopefully it helps.

[directlyworded]

In the end, it doesn’t even matter.

Chester Bennington

[directlyworded]

10 pm Reflection.

I am no stranger to the bar or going on ridiculous benders. People look down upon this most times and quite frankly I don’t give a shit.

I think that being judgmental is in everyone’s nature. And I think that people judging others tends to have an effect on people’s actions.

It took me a long time to stop giving a shit about what people think. Now don’t get me wrong, there are a few people in this world who I really care about what they think of me and my decisions. However, the vast majority of them? Fuck em.

Live your life. That saying is so downplayed and not taken as seriously as it should be. But I Day, do what you enjoy in life no matter what people say. Life is so short to the point where you have to take it Day by day at times. I’m not saying that some scenarios in life aren’t serious, but do what you need to do to be happy. Who cares what other people say or think? Sometimes you have to live life for you.

Just a quick thought.

[directlyworded]

It Was Hot Today

I mean very hot.

Ya know, it almost seems as though, when the weather sucks for me, everything else in life weighs on me a little bit more. Perfect example; I’ve been going trough a shitty shitty breakup and I still think about her a lot. But on days like today when the weather is miserable, it’s like ten times worse. It’s been 8 years and two kids so it’s not like your standard no baggage breakup.

At any rate, I do pretty much all of this kind of stuff on my phone. So today I decided that I would do some more writing and I brought the old laptop back out and hopefully I can stick to it. I really want to write a book. Not fiction because my imagination kind of sucks, but a nonfiction gem. So, wish me luck on that.

The weekend is almost here and I hope everyone has a good one.

[directlyworded]

Come Clarity

I see, through thirty

Getting older, every day

My soul drawing pictures

Of innocent times

Can you add, color, inside these lines

I want you to lead me

Take me somewhere

Don't want to live in a dream one more day

I want you to lead me

Take me somewhere

Don't want to live in a dream one more day

Sure, if we change our perspective

I'm certain I will change today

I'm certain it will change our ways

When things fall into place

I want you to lead me

Take me somewhere

Don't want to live in a dream one more day

(x4)

Take me somewhere

Don't want to live in a dream one more day

(x2)

[directlyworded]

Current Mood

I want to write a book. Not like a fiction story or anything to that nature, but I want to write a nonfiction book about my life. With much humor, yet very real. I think that you can combine real life emotions and struggles with comedy so that people understand and feel you but it doesn’t get them down. I’m not sure if other people have experienced that feeling of knowing someone is going through rough times and just feeling so down about it that it ruins YOUR day.

I’m glad that Donald Trump signed that executive order today. I feel so horrible for all of those families affected by his immoral acts and downright lack of compassion for his fellow humans.

At any rate, another day down.

[directlyworded]

Is it my fault that the good times fade to nothing while the bad ones burn forever bright?

David Sedaris

[directlyworded]

I need to get through this

Myself (everyday of my life)

[directlyworded]

“Are you for the church or are you for god?”

This question was just asked on a movie I am watching and it’s something that should be asked a whole lot more in today’s world.

I work with some guys who attend church on a regular basis. I’m talking a few nights a week. However, these same guys are shitheads and perverts whenever they AREN’T talking about church/god.

I’m not sure what I believe but I look at the fact that there are so many different religions, what makes me think that there is one true religion? But I also look at the amount of people that are sold on it and wonder if maybe it is real. This is a very slippery slope in life and I try to skirt around the edges of it, but I think about it very often.

I have an uncle who growing up would always talk about god and what he would think about what I was doing, and all kinds of other shit. Growing up I learned a lot about this man. He had made passes at my mother. He had also had a married woman that worked with him who he was having an affair with. This is a guy that spent every Sunday of his life at church. Same guy who said the “blessing” or “grace” before every meal.

Most people would say, well not all people are like that. But the truth of the matter is that I have met significantly more hypocrites and people like that than I have met good, wholesome people. And to be honest, some of the best people I know are non religious people who don’t judge others.

So that question to me cuts pretty deep. And I saw a good opportunity to express some things.

[directlyworded]

work

You got to do the work!!! Nothing is free or easy!

[directlyworded]

Monday, May 14th.

So, yet again I have beeen slacking and it’s been quite a long time since I’ve posted on here. I don’t intend on being so slack, but sometimes life gets in the way.

I would like to say Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mothers out there, as well as the soon to be mothers. Also, a shout out to the dads that are playing both roles. You guys don’t get enough credit in today’s society.

It’s 4:40 am and my alarm is set to go off in 20 minutes. I’m not really sure why I am up. I NEVER get up before my alarm, so it’s pretty random.

I don’t really know what I should be writing about at the moment. My whole plan for this blog originally was to write about my life and try to be somewhat inspirational for others who are going through hard times. But I’m slowly learning that you have to put yourself first sometimes. Honestly, how can I help someone else when I can’t figure out how to get myself through half of the bullshit that life throws at you?

That being said, I hope everyone has a good day/week/year. I don’t know when my next post will be but I will try to keep up with it.

[directlyworded]

smile

[directlyworded]

Still the most amazing thing in life.

[directlyworded]

Everybody is always looking for something to do, but nobody wants to do the right thing.

Myself

[directlyworded]

The Great Alone

So I read this book last weekend. When I say that, I mean I literally read through the whole thing during the weekend.

Awesome book to say the least.

Sometimes when I read books like this, I wonder how someone can have such an imagination. There are some good imaginations in this world. However, this story is deep and dark as shit at times. My question is how does ones imagination turn dark? I feel like you would have to go through some shit for that to be the case.

At any rate, awesome book. She wrote it in such a way that you relate to at least one character. I happened to relate to the bad guy. Not all the way around the board but we do have some similar traits. It kind of exposed my own habits for me to come to terms with.

I would recommend this book to pretty much anyone. There is a reason it’s #1 on the NYT best seller list.

[directlyworded]

Morning View

This morning it’s pretty cold here. I was driving to work and I noticed a guy riding his bicycle to work. Mind you, this was 5am and pretty damn cold.

So it made me start thinking that life could be so much worse. Yet, I complain about the pettiest shit. I think that we all do. But it’s hard to keep in mind that you could be in much worse shape.

I hope I can keep that in mind whenever I feel the urge to complain about something.

[directlyworded]

I don’t even know anymore.

And that’s the truth.

I have some horrible addictions. Alcohol and gambling are slowly ripping me apart. I have gambled away around 10k in the past week. Granted, I won that and just lost it back but Jesus Christ. It’s like the worst feeling in the world. And the funny part about it is that when I originally won it, I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t shit it away and I fucking did.

I don’t know how to beat this shit. Between the booze and the misery of losing, it is slowly tearing me apart.