ididntknowihadfeelings

[ididntknowihadfeelings]

I have to be the worlds biggest loser... I, oh lord... OK, so now that my divorce is final I can breathe easy and move on right? I mean it shouldn't be that hard, right? Well, it is hard... every time I talk to someone I may like I get scared. I do t know if I can take people at face value anymore. I did it once and I got burned... badly. I trusted their words which is a dumb thing to do seeing as actions speak louder than words. But, even his actions were good in the beginning until everything went sour. Now I am left with can I trust people? Can I trust a man again?? Then I project an outward self confidence but inside I feel so unworthy. I was a fool, first thing. I was 24 which why would anyone at this day and age get married that young?? And then to be 26 and divorced?? Really?? That's what people want, for sure! When a nice young man says mom I met a girl she's great I like her... the parents will say oh that's wonderful honey, lets meet her!... she's divorced. They will be like nope. Find someone else. No one will care that my ex husband was a wretched person who cared more about himself and his ego than us. Who just wanted to use my body to make a baby and then when they didn't happen I lost my appeal. Who wanted a maid not a wife. All they will see is that I am 26 and divorced. Meaning I can't hold a commitment, I'm tainted, I have baggage that may or may not carry over... it's not good. I have guys from my town coming out of the woodwork trying to talk to me... I am friendly and I respond but I feel they all have an ulterior motive. Maybe, it's because they are getting older and feel they must marry, maybe it's because no one else wants them, maybe because now that I'm divorced my stock has fallen a little bit so they think they have a chance? Idk. Thing is that because they are from my town they know me. They know my character. Who I am. How I live. And they know the circumstances leading to my divorce and the reason behind it... but, other people from an outside broader circle won't and don't know therefore I feel when judging me and getting to know me that divorce will stick out badly... I like making friends. I hope one day a friendship can build into something wonderful, amazing, and permanent. I'm not rushing anything by any means and I want to know a person beforehand. I may or may not have made a friend. Thing is, I wrote first which to me means that I chased... that he didn't like me enough to message me I made the first move. The next thing is we don't know anything about each other. Does he think it's awkward? Writing to someone he doesn't know? Does he think god, this chick won't leave me alone! Or who the hell is she? Or why is she talking to me? Or I don't even know her how random? And now she keeps responding, wtf?? I want to think positive that hey! He's responding! That means he wants to keep the conversation going... or it could mean he's friendly and nice. I don't know what to think... everyone wants to feel liked. No one wants to feel like they're not... I just want to feel like I'm coming across to flirty or nice idk... I am not experienced in all this... I have no idea. I don't want to think too negatively because I don't want that to manifest in my life... but I also don't want to think too positively. Once I start making scenarios in my head or think ahead of something and how it could be... it never goes that way. It always goes the opposite way or I get my hopes up and get let down... it's so hard I don't know what to do with myself... hence calling myself a loser. Because I am. Only a loser thinks this way....

[ididntknowihadfeelings]

On an Island in the Sun... We'll be playing, having fun... and it makes me feel so Fine, I can't control my brain...

[ididntknowihadfeelings]

Oh Lord!!

Dear everyone, I am having an issue! The other day I was in class when my phone buzzed. It said it was message from this really cute boy George that I know and of course, I got all excited thinking this is a first when it wasn’t George… It was his older brother John. He wanted me to email him sometime. So I did just to be friendly… but my friendliness gets me in trouble and now I think I’ve made an uh-oh. I guess now I have to email back because if I don’t I seem like a weirdo and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings BUT I am just not interested in John I am interested in George. If I only email every once in a blue moon he’ll think I’m playing hard to get when I am not and if I respond all the time then he’ll think I am interested when I am not. I have no idea how to go about this and how do I say something to George and not hurt John? And how do I talk to John and not give George the wrong idea? This is too muvh for me to handle… and this is exactly why I don’t date! Its ridic!! Help!!!!

[ididntknowihadfeelings]

I Must Be The Luckiest...

Trensiest, Chicest... MOST COOL GIRL EVER! Just bought myself the Valentino Rockstud cage heels, an Alexander McQueen skull scarf, and new Chanel sunglasses!! Eeeeekkkkkk!!!! I LOVE SHOPPING!♡♥♡♥♡♥

[ididntknowihadfeelings]

I think that I maybe in love with Emmanuel and I fear that he really has no clue and doesn’t feel at all the way I do for him and we may never be together I also always make up scenarios in my head but they never come true and I'm scared to really even let myself think about us being together because I might jinx it

[ididntknowihadfeelings]

While we are on the subject, can we change the subject now?

[ididntknowihadfeelings]

Your best trait is persistence. You are strong willed and very stubborn. You don't give up, even when everyone else thinks you should. You are good at selecting a goal, figuring out how to achieve, and putting your nose to the grindstone until you've got it. You've got true grit. You may not be the richest or luckiest person you know, but you're definitely the toughest. You are independent and always do things your own way. If people question your tactics, it only makes you more determined.

You are creative, stylish, and super trendy. You are a bit obsessed with gadgets, and you like owning the newest devices. You aren't the type of person who separates work from pleasure. In your opinion, all work should be fun. You love creating.  Aesthetics are very important to you. You like to be surrounded by beautiful, sleek things. You demand the best - even if it costs an arm and a leg.

You are thoughtful and warm-hearted. You get the most in life from giving back. You are people focused and extroverted. You know what's going on in everyone else's life. You are needed and wanted. People truly value you, and you would be missed if you weren't around. You are caring and compassionate. Your heart goes out to the world. 

You are charismatic and charming without even trying to be. People appreciate your unique take on life. You like to be the center of attention, but you don't show off. You don't try to please anyone. The master of mix and match, you're always coming up with unique combinations. You are resourceful and capable. You have an ingenious way of getting things done

You are a high achiever. You crave success, and you'll work hard to hit it out of the park. You are a generalist who does everything well. You find every subject and skill to be interesting. You carry others with your strength. You can be strong for friends and family when they're not able to be. You are dominant, and you enjoy being in charge. You have vision and ambition. 

[ididntknowihadfeelings]

My personality... all facets of it

You are a very expressive person. You have a way with words, and you're never at a loss for what to say. You can describe something perfectly. You can paint a picture with your story and make people feel like they were there. You are fanciful and dreamy. You tend toward being a little dramatic. Everything is a big deal for you. For you, a day is not simply nice. It's "beautiful," "idyllic," "balmy," or "superlative." 

Your intuition is often right, and you use it more than you may realize. Your gut feelings are usually a good guide, but you need more to go on when making a decision. You'll often check to see if the facts back up your feelings. You are laid back and quite patient. You are naturally very calm.

You are an understanding person, and you believe in forgiving easily. You prefer to keep the peace. You get annoyed by pushy or aggressive people. You don't like anyone trying to dominate you. You always have time for someone genuine and friendly. You see out similarly mild mannered folksAnd when your intuition is wrong, you work to improve it for the future.

You're direct and to the point, but never dramatic. You've got the confidence to speak your mind to anyone. But you leave the theatrics to Hollywood. Level headed and emotionally stable, no wonder everyone loves you.

You seek and maintain balance in your life. You believe too much of anything is not a good thing. You try not to be too attached to particular outcomes, events, things, or people. A little indifference goes a long way for you. You don't let your passions consume you. You know how to connect to the world without being too wrapped up in it. You get it just right.

You have pretty high ambitions, and you definitely want to meet all your goals. You want to live a meaningful life, and it's important for you to leave your mark on the world. You know that little actions make a difference, and you're happy to do anything that gets you toward your destination. Compared to most people, it's easy for you to stay motivated. You just don't like it when anyone is wasting your time. 

[ididntknowihadfeelings]

State of confusion

I think I might live someone... funny thing is, I think I always have. He is beautiful, funny, smart, stylish... simply put, wonderful. He dropped out of college early on but now owns a restaurant. I am pretty sure he likes me back... maybe. We summer-ed in the same place this year and he very sweet and charming (plus cute and tan). I would so be with him except for the fact that his mother and sister treat very badly. His father is so respectful and endearing, his grandmother is a sweetheart... but his mother will find a way to put me down, criticize me, or act snobbish towards me. His sister is always competing with me, always snubbing me... meanwhile we are in a way we are kindof related. She acts nice to your face but... : ( when I think of him, I am positive he is the one for me. When I think of my future with someone else, I always go back to him. Like the one that got away. And I get upset. If I think of someone else, I compare them... and he always wins. It's our whole messed up family history that is foiling my dream, my love, my future... we are like the Montague's and Capulet's. And I am Juliet. He is my Romeo.. my soulmate. It is a fateful alliance. One that will only make things worse and can only end badly. As much as I dream about him, us; as much as I desire a relationship... I don't think I can ever put myself somewhere where I am clearly not wanted. I am a sane person. Can I afford to let myself bw degraded by some bitter woman? No man, no love can attest the mental abuse of trying to live up to that woman's expectations. That woman who never has a kind word to say, a kind thought to think... only to put someone down. I pray for her that she will change... so that no one lives a future of regret....

[ididntknowihadfeelings]

I wish I was a vampire!!!

[ididntknowihadfeelings]

I can't be hemmed in by rules. I go by my emotions...

[ididntknowihadfeelings]

Welcome to the age of un-innocence...

I don't know what to think of the teenagers of today... Do the young girls of today not value virtue and modesty? They post semi-nude pictures of themselves, have nearly 5000 followers, and countless comments claiming how "gorgeous," "pretty," "beautiful," etc. they are, encouraging their behavior! I am 21 and have never EVER posted a seminude picture of myself online... I mean is it necessary to expose your boobs? cleavage? It's so sad that there is no naiveté left in society... its as if children are raised to think about sex earlier and earlier...

[ididntknowihadfeelings]

The fact is, sometimes it’s really hard to walk in a single woman’s shoes. That’s why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun... ~Carrie

[ididntknowihadfeelings]

After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh...

[ididntknowihadfeelings]

After 2 1/2 months.... I'm back stateside baby, Woo Hoo!!

[ididntknowihadfeelings]

All else equal be GREEK!!! like me... DUH! ; )

[ididntknowihadfeelings]

Only THE most beautiful woman on this planet...