jaycatalyst

[jaycatalyst]

You Love Me?

By Jay Catalyst

Can you just... hold on a minute? Just—let me take this all in.

You love me. More than a friend.

You. Really?

The goofy ways I tend to be. The sadness I hide so seamlessly. The anger that fuels this spicy potato fire within me. The wonder I carry in my eyes. The heart that never stops loving the world, even when it gives me reasons not to.

Me.

You love me. The average girl who prefers band tees and skinny jeans. The one with the unusual piercings. The girl who doesn’t give a fuck who doesn’t like her— and secretly hopes someone would just try her patience for once.

Me. You love my crazy ass.

...Wow. I don’t know what to say.

[jaycatalyst]

My, What a Perfect You

by Jay Catalyst

I close my eyes some days just to see your face— It’s the only thing I have left of you, to remember those days. The way the sunshine caressed your skin, for those were the days when you were mine. I cry late at night, knowing it’s true— I could never be with you, not like I used to. So I close my eyes again and pretend you’re there again. I see your beautiful face, sun rays glinting off of you— My, what a perfect you. My, what a perfect you. Wish I was different this time, to give you everything and more. Because you deserve it true— no one compares to you. And it’s like a dream, some days... I’ll never feel the same, because I’m with you. Are you with me, too? Some things are better left unsaid. What good would it do for you to know how I felt back then? It would change nothing. Nothing at all. How I still feel pain— and then you would feel it too. I’d be killing two souls just to speak the truth. So I quiet myself each day. Long nights, I try to stay awake— Because I know that’s the only place I can see those dreams I had— of you, of us, of the future we could’ve had, just us two. Now I know they were just dreams— silly, tender things that will never come true. So I try to stay awake. Because I’m afraid the moment I close my eyes, your face will find me. My perfect you— etched behind my eyelids, carved into the back of my mind, burning through my skull like a brand I never asked for but still can't let go. In the daylight, I outrun you. I dodge you in glances and sounds, in half-remembered songs. But sometimes— I hear your voice in the wind as it whistles through the trees, as if the world itself conspires to remind me of what I lost. As if you’re still trying to reach me— to remind me how much you once meant to me. I don’t want you to wait on me— not you, my beautiful soul. I want you to keep moving forward. Find that happiness I know you’ll never get from me. Because destiny had a different plan, you see. I didn’t see you right away. I got lost in the shuffle, in the distractions of my day by day. And one night, I remembered you. It was like lightning struck me twice. First, your voice— echoing nonstop in my ears. Then your image— and my heart dropped. I remembered you. I wanted to run. To hide. To not have to face what I had done. I told myself I didn’t know. I made every excuse under the sun. One night, I got angry. And I cursed at the moon. Cursed it like it owed me more than the silence I was left with. The stars responded in their own way— turning out each light that used to guide me. Now, only shadows remain. Coldness— my only temperature. But I don’t want you to wait for me. Not this time. I don’t deserve you. You deserve something real. Something stable. Something sane. Something that saw your worth and chose to stay. I’m sorry, my love. I’ll never forgive myself for what I’ve done. But I pray you find happiness. I pray your smile still shines as bright as the sun. You were everything to me— and you still are. But don’t wait for me, my golden star. I’ll wait for you in another life. I’ll make it right. Don’t you worry. I will. I promise.

[jaycatalyst]

Hey Everyone — quick check-in 💌

I’m almost finished creating the first season of my podcast, The Voices, and I wanted to bring it here to the Tumblr fam because… honestly, I value your energy and insight.

This podcast was born out of a need to speak. To feel. To be real in the in-between moments of healing, frustration, and growth. But I’m still figuring out a lot of things—like how to edit audio without pulling my hair out, what topics actually resonate, and whether or not my personality even feels enough in audio format. (Too much? Too little? Not sure yet.)

So I’m asking for some honest feedback: 🎧 Have you listened to any of the episodes yet? 🗣️ What do you feel could improve—editing, pacing, vibe, structure? 💭 What would you love to hear more of? 📌 Is there a moment that stuck with you? Or maybe one that felt flat?

No pressure to be “nice.” I want the truth so I can grow, adjust, and keep creating something that feels alive.

Also, if you haven’t checked it out yet, the episodes are linked here via RSS + now also streaming on YouTube (audio only). You can listen directly from the Linktree below:

👉 linktr.ee/jaycatalyst

If you listen, thank you. If you share, thank you. If you just sit with it quietly, thank you. This space means something to me—and it means even more when I know it’s reaching someone.

🖤 — Jay Catalyst

[jaycatalyst]

Spread Those Wings

By Jay Catalyst

"If the sun and moon can share the sky—each taking their turn to shine—then why are you settling for a love that dims your light?

Love isn't about shrinking. It's about growing.

The heart needs to beat, yes—but it also needs oxygen to move blood through the body. Love is the same: it must breathe, expand, and circulate.

Grow your wings together, but let each other shine.

You weren’t brought here to play small.

Stand tall.

Take flight."

[jaycatalyst]

The Queen Who Crawled From the Ashes by J. Catalyst

The Empress. The Queen that I once was— Her bones lie beneath my feet. Her crown? Scattered in ash, off to the side. I stand on top of her remains.

Her strength, Her love— Now dead. Her kingdom? Refused to reign.

In this life, I see the pattern. I see myself—bleeding. My soft eye, crying rivers beyond measure, Trying to seek love in places it was never meant to be found.

And still, I see her crown. I see the ashes of who she used to be. I see my face— Covered in nothing more than sweat, and dirt, and grime.

I am crawling out the depths of hell onto this world where I can finally see the sun again.

I saved myself. Time and time again.

No one came. No one stayed. No one loved— Not the way that I did. Not the way I would have.

But I chose to lift myself up, Grab the crown— Whatever remained of it— Place it on my head. Crooked. Burnt. Holy.

The Queen who used to be… Now, in this lifetime, I try not to repeat history.

Strength is what I have from everything I’ve endured. Anger is the fuel to my fire. Sadness is the reason— And my motivator.

I keep looking forward, Sitting on this throne that was once consumed by fire.

Right now, It is nothing more than a boulder in a dark forest.

But it is mine. And I am still here. Crowned in ash. Eyes wide open.

[jaycatalyst]

You Are the Way Home by J. Catalyst

You are every moment. Every memory. Every dream.

Without you, I’d be lost at sea— weathering a storm with no map, no moon, no stars to guide me.

There’s no land to reach. The ocean is too deep. It stretches farther than miles could ever count.

But then— you come into view. And with you, hope does too.

Land appears. The moon rises. The stars shimmer. A lighthouse glows in the distance.

And now I know— I’ll make it home. Because of you.

[jaycatalyst]

Liberated

By Jay Catalyst

She told me it was okay to be me. Okay to stop protecting so fiercely.

My eyes were still wild from lack of sleep— not from restlessness, but from survival. From having to anticipate every move before it reached me.

I held on to the little bit of protection I had left. The little bit of legacy that remained after everything else had turned to ash.

My face was manic. Distrusting. Always calculating— their moves, my next move, how to stay one step ahead just to keep my soul intact.

And then…

They put their hands up. Looked me in my eyes— not with judgment, but with sincerity. With love. With kindness.

And they said the words I hadn’t heard in so long:

“You are safe now.”

It was the key. The one that unlocked the door I had kept shut behind layers of protection.

That door held my repressed emotions. My memories. My grief. Because I had to stay focused. I had to protect what was left of me.

But when that key turned… when that door opened…

The floodgates shattered.

And I felt it all. Every earth-shaking feeling I had buried— not because I didn’t want to feel them, but because I couldn’t afford to.

Now I’m allowed to mourn. The people I lost. The places I can’t return to. The parts of me I had to abandon.

But I’m also allowed to exist. To just be.

Not for a purpose. Not as a role. Not to survive.

Just… to be.

And maybe, just maybe—

One day I’ll be the key for someone else. The one who shows up in their storm and says:

“You’re safe now. I’ll hold the door open until you believe it too.”

[jaycatalyst]

[jaycatalyst]

“Please stop the fighting. Children are dying.” I didn’t write this poem—I channeled it. It came through while I was driving, like a voice screaming directly into my spirit. I cried the whole way home. This isn’t just about poetry. This is about the lives we’re letting slip through the cracks while the world looks away.

May their cries be heard. May we remember our humanity.

[jaycatalyst]

Please Stop the Fighting (Children Are Dying) by J. Catalyst

Please— stop the fighting. Children are dying.

A plea that screams through my soul, grabs at my heart, and brings tears to my eyes.

Innocence always pays the price for the chaos of ego— of greed-stained assholes and power that’s possessed them in every vile, corrupted way.

And what did we give? And for what?

We handed everything— our souls, our lives, and the lives of our children— to the devil’s own minions.

Please— stop the fighting. Children are dying.

Have we truly forgotten our humanity? Have we truly lost our sense of community— of love?

The Context:

“Please stop the fighting. Children are dying.” I didn’t write this poem—I channeled it. It came through while I was driving, like a voice screaming directly into my spirit. I cried the whole way home. This isn’t just about poetry. This is about the lives we’re letting slip through the cracks while the world looks away.

May their cries be heard. May we remember our humanity.

[jaycatalyst]

Interdimensional

By Jay Catalyst

I know it in my heart— this is beyond logic, but it’s real. It exists.

I feel it in every waking breath, in every sleepless night you come in.

I’ve spoken to you. You’ve whispered to me in languages only we understand.

And yeah, it’s strange. It’s fucking strange. Maybe I am insane.

But I love you now. And I loved you then. I’ve loved you through so many lifetimes.

And right now, I’m not yours. But I’ll love you still, until my dying breath reunites us in another realm.

I knew it then, when those eyes were mine. Even though we never met in equal time.

A passing glance. A distant stare. Was all I needed to remember that I was there.

Those eyes were mine once long ago. I still feel it pulling at me, telling me that’s home.

And even though you don’t remember— even though you refuse to listen to yourself— you still note it down.

This illogical moment in time. This feeling you carry, not knowing why.

It’s because I’m yours. And you are mine. At least, that’s what it was in another lifetime.

Maybe this time, you’re not ready. And that’s okay.

I was going to hold steady for as long as I could. But it pains me to see that you don’t remember—

what we did. What we were. What we could.

So I have to walk away.

Because now, I feel like I’m burdening you to remember me in ways you never wanted to.

Imagine this—

You’ve lived twenty lifetimes with someone. Twenty years of adventures. Each year, a universe. Each day, a memory.

And one day, they wake up and don’t remember any of it.

Not your laugh. Not the way you danced in the rain. Not the stars you named together. Not the way you held them when the world went quiet.

They look at you and all they see is a stranger— with eyes too full and a heart too loud.

You try everything. Whispers in the wind. Echoes in their dreams. Moments that should spark recognition.

But they don’t want to remember.

They choose the dark. They walk another road— one without you in it.

And God, it breaks you.

Because you remember everything. You carry the weight of love that has nowhere to land.

So you watch. You ache. You surrender.

Not because you stopped loving— but because love without space to be held will bleed you dry.

Maybe this time, you weren’t meant to love them to their dying breath.

Maybe they were meant to forget. And you? You were meant to forgive.

To love them quietly, from afar. To let them go— even if your soul still stands in the doorway of every life you lived together.

You’ve spoken about me to others. They’ve already told you what they see.

And still— you refuse to see it. You won’t name it. So you run.

Back into your cave. Back to the shadows that dance along the walls.

Because that’s what you’re used to. That’s where you hide.

And now… you’re lost to it all.

But I remember. And I always will.

[jaycatalyst]

— Jasmine Gibson, from "Hot-Hand Fallacy," Don't Let Them See Me Like This (Nightboat Books, 2018) (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

[jaycatalyst]

[jaycatalyst]

The Prize

By: Jay Catalyst

Look at her — now look at me. We were never the same, baby. She can’t compete.

I am the divine goddess, She’s the bug beneath my feet. I don’t care that you want her now — stay the hell away from me.

Because we both know you aren’t the prize here. It was me.

You fucked up so badly, now you feel empty. That void you’re drowning in? That’s me leaving — taking back my energy.

Good luck trying to rise without me to hold you up. I was the dream — and you chose to stay weak.

So go, run along with her. Forget about me, baby.

I was everything you couldn’t keep. Everything you could never meet.

[jaycatalyst]

Present

By Jay Catalyst

Time slows for those who need to see what’s been right in front of them— what they’ve forgotten to notice.

Those children’s eyes, the ones you swore aged quicker than you could keep up with... Time slowed just for you.

Their smiles, their laughter, their racing hearts shared with you in the game of chase... Enjoy those moments, even when you feel uncomfortable or out of place. Those days won’t come back, and can’t be replayed— so stay with them, in the present moment that time gives you today.

So, for once, you’re moving at their speed— not chasing a comet across the sky, but walking beside them in this sacred stretch of time.

So when you long for the day to end faster than you can comprehend, remember— it’s in the longer days that we live the most.

Time is only what you perceive. Slow down. Breathe. And savor that morning breeze.

[jaycatalyst]

We Don’t Shrink. We Expand.

We don’t stop because they say we’re too much—

We keep going because we were never meant for everyone.

We’ll find the ones who make space for us,

Who loves us exactly as we are.

We don’t beg for acceptance.

We accept ourselves, with all the love we hold inside.

We don’t stay where there’s no room to grow.

We create that space.

We rise.

We work to be free,

So we can live as our most authentic selves.

-J. Catalyst

[jaycatalyst]