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Dick being an ass is my favourite thing

Commission Info / Kofi (Members get comics a week early)

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The lazarus pits heal anything right?

So does this include autoimmune diseases? Cancer? Is Ra’s gatekeeping the cure to cancer??

Imagine that conversation.

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Can we accept YJ connor as like? another entity?

Like he’s his brother’s twin. Kon, Connor (The Kon with the spiked jackets not this aggressive toned down version of him.) but like the two are separate, twins.

And Well it would just be a really funny mental picture if Luthor did make twins and just kept one and named it connor as well because it’s a backup in case the other dies so why name it something different?

But the two couldn’t be more DIFFERENT, one is short, ‘clearly gay but we haven’t had the talk yet’ if anybody gets that little reference with a more slighty tuned down punk aesthetic. (i would call it punk.)

While the other has CLEARLY got no fashion sense, the same shirt twice in a month, no social skills, no charisma and is about as aggressive as a mistreated chihuahua.

So Luthor pulls a ‘i keep this one in the basement and this one by my side.’ move, with Kon, he places for the media, lets him charm his way all he wants while connor? He gets basement duty.

AKA being stuck in a star labs tube for an indefinite time until the temporarily formed group of robin (dick grayson) Kid flash and aqualad come and save him.

And now Luthor’s panicking like ‘oh no?! my basement son got out.’

What do you do then.

He totally wipes Kon from all media and denies it so Connor can make his appearance and shoves Kon in the basement until Tim comes along with HIS YJ team and saves that clone or Kon just pulls the ultimate ‘i’m going to stay with dad!’ move.

And it’s chaos when everyone realises there’s twins.

Superman: What do you mean you had twins??

Luthor: Yeah it was such an exhausting process. (talking about funding the cloning for them, cloning them and getting the dna.)

Superman does not know this: Lex? Lex did you give birth??? (he’s stressing super hard by the way because imagine your arch nemesis or rival or like complete and utterly hated enemy gave birth and you didn’t know and it’s just so like?? I could have held your hand for you lex..)

Superman: ???

And Luthor’s already like walked away.

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i love people who draw jason with anatomy scars

But here’s my headcanon: Bruce couldn’t. or specifically wouldn’t, he’s rich enough to get Jason buried without his body being cut open and inspected high ways to hell.

and well i also believe Bruce wouldn’t be able to handle the anatomy report, did jason die from internal bleeding? were his ankles broken so he couldn’t run? His wrists? The bruises on his cheek what were they for? Oh let’s not mention the giant ‘J’ carved into his skin (arkham game) so..

i think he wouldn’t because he wouldn’t be able to stomach the report like what do you mean all those injuries happened to HIS baby and it wasn’t even the explosion that killed him. (or it was but he was in so much pain that the explosion the bomb, seemed like a mercy.)

He wouldn’t be able to accept the fact that maybe if he had been smarter or used a better route he could have had four seconds more to get to the warehouse in time.

Now think about that,

I don’t believe Bruce would WILLINGLY want someone to cut up Jason either he would if there was an unsolved answer a key he was missing, he’s a detective and all good detectives need to finish their puzzles but the problem is the puzzle is solved.

The joker killed his boy, clipped the wings first and then sent the bird spiralling into the ocean.

The bird couldn’t fly away and instead was sent head first into the water, it couldn’t swim it couldn’t lift it’s head but it had chirped for help unfortunately it had swallowed salt and it’s own sounds before help arrived the sharks getting to it first.

So no.

Bruce wouldn’t have had an autopsy done it’s my own personal headcanon anyway because i believe he wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of Jason being cut open. (I do like the notion it was alfred who dressed him for the funeral because Bruce didn’t trust anybody else)

I like the idea that Jason has burn scars faded into his skin almost merged with him like death has claimed him as his own like when you look at him you might miss them but then you look again and you can see them and oh. he’s not normal.

He’ll never be normal again the birdie can’t regain the wings its once lost.

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I present to you. ‘Alfred dated a god.’

DC x DP prompt

So like old clockwork dated alfred when alfred was mid thirties to forties and now alfred is old and he doesn’t really talk about it he knew clockwork was a god or a deity just, he didn’t really care or it was a brief romance.

So when Danny starts dating (whoever in this scenario) danny points at him and goes ‘hey i recognise you! you dated my mentor!’ and Bruce is like.

“what.”

and alfred just sighs like. “ah good times.”

Fun idea.

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watching a series of unfortunate events (or something)

and realising the show is designed to be like a true crime case because it IS, it shows the audience (us) how the actual events happened in real time but with the narrator or lemony talking to the screen.

Is narrating like a true crime documentary, if you remove all the real time events we see and all clips and just keep the snippets of lemony it acts out as a very real documentary.

He talks about the concerned citizens and TV executives wanting to know how count olaf got his hands on the children to how he weeped over the case while researching it.

(Or this is my take on it and i’ll update this after i finish the show again in case it turns out he’s just another secret agent character and i forgot)

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DC X DP PROMPT

You know those DC X DP prompts where they mistake tim for danny? well that but it’s jason X danny as well and the family keeps inconveniencing the couple.

for good reason. (I do not support batcest, this is just a funny spin on the ‘siblings or dating’)

Dick’s shopping in gotham or maybe he’s stopping by, who knows why he’s in gotham but he is and well, he thinks he’ll stop by crime alley and see his little brother, he gets to the alleyways, the large streets and he finds himself on Jason’s apartment block, he stops when he sees someone, a black haired dude in front of the apartment building with jason’s hands wrapped around his waist his face the softest he’s ever seen it and well he also looks suspiciously alot like tim, he leans up on his feet and kisses Jason and a closer glimpse and oh shit that is tim. (Or so dick thinks)

And how do they bring this up? “Hey jason are you dating one of our adopted brothers, i know tim had that thing with steph and even though bruce considers her family it’s really not the same.” Because how do you explain it’s not the same as dating steph? she’s not even family! well she is but not in that way, you know when a friend is just so close you consider them family? It’s that.

Does he bring it up??

So he can’t meet jason’s eyes next time on patrol and he’s glad his mask hides it and he gets antsy when Tim and Jason are chatting like he’s physically disgusted and needs to separate the two and he shuffles in between them chatting away like he does trying to subtly move them away from one another.

Any sly attempts to bring it up with tim are just confused.

Dick: “so… you like jason?”

Tim: “he’s fine? i guess.”

Dick: “Just fine?”

Tim gives him this weird look.

And dick is so close to tearing out his hair because Tim is smarter than this! you understand what he means but apparently Tim doesn’t so he just forces a smile and walks away.

The next victim is Damian. of course it’s damian. why wouldn’t it be him?

Dick for whatever reason is shopping because the food Damian buys for alfred is particular and really expensive so he’s buying it as a favour for alfred sees tim (so he thinks) again and Jason, he tries to steer damian away in time because Damian doesn’t need to see that, desperately only to see tim yank Jason into a changing room, Jason’s face flushed like he’s shy about the action as he’s pulled into the room, (not) Tim’s face a cheshire grin as he does it.

And Damian gapes. looks between dick and the room and then to Dick again about to ask a million questions about to ask ‘were you aware?’ ‘is father?’ oh god is Bruce aware of this affair?! That’d be even more disturbing because if bruce knew and let this affair go on— well he’d have some words.

It would hurt him physically to cut Tim and Jason out his lives due to their dating choice but, he couldn’t deal with it. ‘Does Drake not like bernard then? Oh goddds is Tim cheating on his boyfriend with his brother???

Damian; “pennyworth were you aware-“ tries to bring it up to alfred in the kitchen and Dick is quick paced, moves in, places a hand around his mouth and begins dragging him out.

Dick: “that pandas often escape their exhibits? Nope! let’s go damian!”

Damian scowls.

The only reason Damian hasn’t gone to Bruce or Alfred yet is because Dick is begging him not to go because they can fix this or maybe it’s a mistake?? Maybe, dick hopes.

Damian: “I don’t understand why we can’t tell them.”

Dick: “Because we can fix this- we can, break them up??”

Damian: “That’s cruel.” “I like it.”

So cue their plan, Dick sets a trap:

He leaves half eaten food on tim’s desk in Jason’s specific order and Tim gets annoyed, he keeps doing it, leaves stupid doodles of tim in a stupid manner.

Damian is a bit crueller when Jason arrives and he goes to the living room before dinner, damian slips into the kitchen and dumps the plate full of food into the bin, watches as Jason sits down for dinner his eyes land on the empty spot and to alfred who’s just as confused.

Damian speaks up. “Tim was in here last.”

And arguments start, fights break out between the two and dick feels awful, damian? not so much but they do what they do to have to stop this weird love thing the two have going on.

Finally Jason snaps one day when his mask has gotten slime’d all over it, he lunges for tim aiming to maim him a little, Cass intervenes and Steph holds Tim back who’s screaming about ‘His missing file’.

Jason: “I didn’t do it!” his hands still outreached to get on tim.

And tim? Is just as angry, if not for steph he would have tackled Jason as well. “Yes you did! You’ve been leaving crumbs in my work office, misplacing my files, my suit-! Oh i’m done!”

“I believe.” Alfred speaks up startling the family and Bruce who was just about to cut in. “Master Damian is at fault here.”

All eyes turn to damian who points the blame to dick and Dick explains what he saw, what he was trying to do.

Jason gets a deep red. “I’m not sleeping with tim!”

And now Jason has to bring Danny over and well, it’s awkward but Jason is relieved, hands clinging to Danny the entire time and Dick is mortified with himself apologising to both brothers over and over.

Danny is as awkward as he is sweet, eyes that look tired but seem to not be carrying sleeplessness, he eats dinner without complaint and a smile to alfred, he goes on about space and Nasa.

He is as strong as he is smart, an arm wrestle with duke who’s arms gets absolutely slammed into the table.

He makes dark jokes just like Jason, seems to know all about the art of the sword like Damian, Bruce is already waiting for them to take one anothers last name.

And yes.

Yes they’ll hang this off his head forever.

(Basically, Dick drags his family down with his over-panicking and when Jason has had his fun, introduces Danny, stands them side by side with Tim and Cass and they become the triplets.)

Dick near sobs from joy? relief into his hands.

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DC x DP post

Jason is singing ‘hey there Delilah’ to a camera and ‘who the hell is that?’ to ‘is that waynes legally dead son?’

With a random black haired guy in the background absolutely cat fighting Damian, throwing him about, Damian manages to stick to the ceiling for about 0.5 seconds before lunging down for the guys face and screeching ‘You aren’t good enough for my brother!’

Meanwhile Jason is just ignoring the chaos in the back trying to do the trend and did damian pull out a sword?

HOLD ON DID THAT KID JUST START LEVITATING??

(Average comments are gonna be: ‘I’m on the possessed guy’s side.’ to ‘Bros over hos.’)

Bonus if danny isn’t even in phantom form while levitating yet, he’s just doing it out of sheer will.

(Inspired by a tiktok but i forgot the name)

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Jason: Babe.

Reader:

Jason: Babe

Jason: Babe

Reader looking up: What?

Jason i need fifteen bucks

Reader: For what?

Jason: a sandwhiiiich :3

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Damian, with red puffy eyes: You too?

Tim, with red puffy eyes: *raises a brow* Yes?

Damian has severe pollen allergies. Tim was high.

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Tim haunted (Except it’s not danny phantom)

(Not really an au either this is just tim dealing with the paranormal in his own time.)

This is like, supernatural/ horror esque, not danny phantom (though i do post DP x DC, sorry to disappoint folks.)

Tim starts experiencing things after he turned just freshly nineteen, a shadow too firm at the foot of his bed to be a shadow and yet when interviewed it’s not Bruce, who claims ‘he stopped doing that.’ (Bruce used to come in and check his forehead and his pulse all because he couldn’t admit he was afraid of losing another child)

And if Tim woke up to him doing it? he fell back asleep or pretended to do so before Bruce gave him a sweet kiss on the forehead and rushed away like he was to embarrassed by what he did.

So, not Bruce and he ruled out Damian’s creepy night stalking because the figure was much too large and tall to be Damian, think Bruce sized or maybe Jason sized.

He thinks he’s having hallucinations or he’s started having sleep paralysis which is weird because he’s as good as a sleeper as you’re gonna get in this family.

And yes- he’s got irregular sleep so entirely possible right? He’s highly stressed, so also another factor and like the weirdo he is, he sleeps on his back, so he counts those.

And decides okay maybe it’s entirely plausible that now he’s hit nineteen he’s been hit with sleep paralysis and his demon is shadow bruce? lore accurate actually.

Except, one time he shifts up to get a glass of water because his throat is killing him and it woke him up and- the figure is there and he’s moving so, okay he thinks it’s a dream, his mistake? he steps out of bed and suddenly he feels the urge to scream ‘horror movie don’t?’ But he doesn’t.

And he takes a step closer and the figure doesn’t move and he knows you aren’t supposed to say if it’s a dream so he doesn’t and he keeps walking and he’s right at the foot of his bed- he can almost reach out and touch it, when suddenly-?

A thing, a claw, a very wet, wet clawed hand scrapes by his foot and he jumps turning around to see what the hell it was because that wasn’t alfred and he stumbles back into the shadow thing- figure and falls onto the floor.

He can see under his bed here and right now it’s just the dark but the red marks fading on his ankle? oh so very real and he’s not supposed to believe in that sort of stuff.

I mean gods and aliens and demons do exist but not the kind from horror movies because John constantine actually and visibly laughed when he was new and robin and asked him all sorts about demons, turns out they do look more like the stereotypical red imp man described in a bible.

He takes a deep breath and turns onto his stomach to get closer to the bed and you know he too is thinking ‘what the hell am i doing?’ but he’s not a civilian, he’s dealt with magic before.

And yet nothing is under his bed still he takes it very bitterly.

It’s probably a few weeks in when Alfred has noticed the eyebags under his eyes get more prominent perhaps due to the fact that the shadow thing does not leave, his closet door feels darker and the room feels colder.

“Master Tim have you been sleeping alright?” Is what is said.

But what he wants to be said is ‘is there a demon in your room? yes! let’s exorcise the shit out of your bedroom, master timothy.’ but it isn’t, so his face sours midway while eating.

“Busy with cases.” Is what he responds back and Bruce looks up from the newspaper disapprovingly about to say something like ‘you know better’ so he stands up and walks away.

He wakes up to Damian one night instead who eyebrows furrowed and lips bitten into with his teeth is staring at the foot of the bed.

Creepy night stalker.

“What?” Tim rushes from his lips.

“I- nothing.” And damian looks like he’s just seen a ghost, something so inexplicably dangerous even it’s freaked him out, so he steps out the room ever so slowly eyes watching the foot of the bed. “You should change rooms Timothy, if you want to keep me out.”

He knows it won’t keep Damian out but.. it might stop whatever nightmares this is so he starts sleeping in the guest room, for a month it works, no weird figures, no hand grasping at his foot.

Until, yeah i’m using until a lot.

He stirs in the night, something is fiddling with his hand, a clawed finger tracing the scars on his palm and he shudders because it’s damp and cold just like the first time, it’s ever so painfully slow and he has the mistake of glancing up.

The guest room’s closet door is wide open, the shadows calling out to him and it feels like the bed is being tugged closer and closer and closer, suddenly the closet doors slam shut and he flinches without meaning to do so.

Something scratches his arm as a goodbye and that night he doesn’t sleep, once he’s sure he’s safe he checks the room, the closet, the bed, nothing. Nothing.

He feels helpless.

It’s been a while since he felt helpless.

When he leaves the room something dark and heavy hangs off his shoulder and he feels it, Damian stares too when he enters the kitchen, as if surprised the room change didn’t work.

It leaves the mansion, he thought it would be tied or connected to someone who died in the mansion but it’s not.

Not when mid grapple his zipline snaps, a zipline not intended to snap and he falls a height that breaks his arm so he’s out of commission for like two weeks at maximum.

This thing is becoming violent.

The smart thing to do would be to go to zatanna or Constantine, god forbid or someone who knows magic but his back shivers at the thought of going and why? he doesn’t know why.

He feels controlled.

It’s all too late at night on a mission when he slips and falls over a bridge but if he were to be truthful? It felt like someone pushed him hard, hard enough to fall over the grey like walls and make him fall into the muddy water.

He chokes on it and he gets out just in time for Jason to start yelling at him while he checks him over asking ‘what the hell was that Timber?’ to ‘Be grateful you can swim, sort of.’

And sort of he can swim. he’s too hazy to realise Bruce is getting suspicious at all his accidents now, from the broken arm to the slip in the bridge.

It’s the end of an arrest and he’s joking around with kate when something grabs his hair from an angle nobody else can see, just enough for him to tilt his head back and hold his head in surprise.

Too many incidents.

Too much violence.

He draws a line and calls Constantine in privacy who takes one quick look, draws a quick breath and smoke and steps away. saying. “Oh ye bloody damned you are.” (i’m english guys i just think it’s funny to make Constantine talk like this)

“English.” Tim asks for clarification.

“Nasty leech has latched itself onto you.” And Constantine provides an explanation before he asks. “Demonic spirits are very different from demons anyway, we’ll just uh, spell you up.”

and, it’s over like that, all the pain and torture if he could have just asked for help sooner.

However out of curiosity he asks constantine the name of the demonic spirit which had latched itself to him ‘Yvonne everheart.’ a case that took less priority over Joker’s attack.

In the end she suffocated and drowned, a victim of murder, she’d already gotten revenge on the others so, of course it was natural to blame someone who left one life for another, to blame a hero who dismissed your case and forgot about it. Because Tim did, he forgot.

She was somebody who needed an apology and someone who couldn’t forgive or forget.

As his own apology Tim visits her grave, she’s written as a loving sister, daughter and someone who loved all, that last part…

He brings her flowers and writes a letter in all the words he admits his wrongdoings in which he burns in front of the grave to say his words are meaningless unless she forgives him, yes Constantine rid her from him but he didn’t rid her pain.

He hopes with time and the letters he burns and writes, she might forgive.

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Hi there! I love your bumblebee fanfic, do you plan on updating it soon? Please take your time of course!

Ah YES so sorry! i’ve been writing away at a mashup au in my drafts of peter parker but newest chapter is soon i promise and probably might be the unhealthiest one to come yet

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Stane.

Nobody considers the implications of tony having young peter parker in biodad au, like tony is his biological father but how does this come into play with Obadiah’s grooming/ manipulation?

I mean, imagine your son asking where his uncle went after Obadiah went to prison and Tony just can’t bear the thought of that man anymore or Stane being around his son.

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Grim reaper Techno

Au Prompt idea.

Imagine Techno isn’t ‘a god’, but it’s a misconception over the years because he reaps the souls of the people he kills, he balances between a very awkward line of living and not living.

A grim reaper who kills? Shocking! I know.

Worst is, everyone he’s killed, is a voice (i think this is another tumblr prompt actually i’m gonna go try find it after this, so credits to whoever made that idea) They become a soul guided by death itself but they reach for his mind begging to come back to the living as if he had such power.

And when he came to L’manberg for the first time, he smelled it so much as he sensed it, Wilbur was expiring, his best friend’s son was going to die, it was very faded and not quite ready yet but he could see the death permitting around Wilbur like the smoke he swallows on a tuesday.

And gods that was a cruel joke on him.

He didn’t have time to warn or apologise Philza before the man came and stabbed his own child through the stomach, his shoulders shaking as he held him close and apologised not to Wilbur, not to himself but to his wife for failing to protect him, waiting for her anger.

It doesn’t count as death unless it’s permanent, yes he shot Tubbo with a firework and he didn’t exactly feel good about that, he’s not supposed to force a soul out of someone but the peer pressure was amounting in that moment.

So imagine his surprise when all he can sense is someone reeking of death, it smells and he can sense it from the tundra.

It leads him to the prison and at first he thinks it’s dream so he decides to be arrested to see if his soul starts expiring but no, annoyingly it’s as demigod and life and good and all that as he can sense it, so he doesn’t understand why the prison reeks of death.

That is until Tommy visits the same day he leaves Dream and the soul is crying out, confused, scared, freed, dream is asleep when he enters as is Sam, he grants Tommy as much mercy as he can any soul.

And when Ranboo comes to inform him of Tommy’s death during a syndicate meeting he makes light of it, a joke because the truth is he can feel the boy’s voice in the back of his mind, not asking or begging anything from Techno.

Just trying to understand why of all now, when he had finally found happiness, freedom and it makes his mood even sour because he can hear it over everyone else, over Wilbur— Over that weird Mexican Dream he found.. Over all the other souls, over the eggpire members who aren’t even dead, yet not alive.

The quiet. ‘It’s cold here,’ And yes, Limbo is very cold, Techno is sorry he couldn’t help you any more Tommy but this was always what he was going to do.

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Jason would so roll up to the batmobile while he’s on his motorcycle and just while Bruce has got the windows down, lean in, hand him a protein bar or gummies or something and then drive away.

Like, lean in like he’s got something important to tell and then drop the food in, best bit is, it’s probably expired.

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Not them looking at each other when the other’s not looking oh my heart can’t take this

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Italian dad forehead kisses hehehehehe I love them

THIS IS NOT ST@RKER ‼️‼️‼️ ST@RKERS DNI OR YOU WILL BE BLOCKED WITHOUT HESITATION 🤮