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skeletonmob · 13 days ago

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Catharsis - Chapter 9

Chapter 8

Masterpost

Chapter 10

Word Count ~ 3100

Reading Time ~ 16min.

Jul 20

The other branch of the botanical gardens is located just off York street, next to Chessman Park. On the opposite side of the street is Chessman Farm. CU Denver originally had their campus here and Chessman Farm was established to give students hands on experience. The campus moved closer towards the downtown area back in the 80s, but the farm still operates as a farm. It mainly grows herbs and vegetables for the Cherry Creek Shopping District, which is just a few blocks away. Dagger works as a beekeeper here.

The farm was broken up into five roughly equal sections. This year, the first section was growing tomatoes, basil, and marigold. The next section was sunflowers, peas, and cucumbers; a slight variant on corn, beans, and squash. Next to that were rows of bell peppers, cilantro, and more marigold. The next section was fallow, though people had tossed banana peels, tissues, and whatever potentially compostable thing they had on hand as they passed by. I quickly mixed the dirt with some magic, trying to bury as much as I could. It'll take a few months for any of this to decompose, but burying it does help.

The last section of the farm was the only permanent section. It primarily grew herbs for cooking and flowers to set the table. There was more basil and cilantro, but also lavender, chamomile, oregano, spearmint, peppermint, sage, and parsley. Interspersed between these were zinnias, roses, peonies, coneflowers, and more sunflowers. Bisecting all of this was a large circular plaza with a tree in the center. Two concentric rings of beehives surrounded the tree, as if it was sacred to the God of Honey.

I put a ward around me as I approached. Bees only sting you if you're an active threat to them, but being surrounded by a few dozen beehives still sends a chill down your spine. Dagger was currently fiddling with a small water fountain by the tree.

"I see everyone's taking their lunch break." I joked.

"All the watering holes are busy as always," Dagger answered, "As long as we don't have a weeks long heat wave, we should be fine."

I gently handed him his lunch.

"Steak fajitas."

"What about the chicken in the freezer?"

"Wasn't in the mood. Plus, beef tacos and such always taste better."

"You can make chicken parm!"

"I . . . well, I guess I haven't made anything with tomatoes in a while."

Dagger lifted up his mask slightly and tried to give me a kiss, but realizing that wouldn't work, gave me a hug instead.

"So how're you patients doing?" He asked.

"Same as always. Jo -"

"ACTUALLY, let me put this away real fast!"

My husband suddenly slipped off into the farm's office. Did he see someone? After getting over my shock I turned around to find a familiar face.

"Hi, I'm Leon Funk, CEO and savior of Gateway! Since we've opened a new mountain division here in Denver, I'd thought I'd come around and tell everyone the good news!"

. . . . .

"You trying to pick up a new bitch?"

"What?"

"What else would be the world's most divorced man be doing here?"

"H-hey! That's not what this is about! I really just want everyone to know about all the super cool, amazing stuff my company's making!"

"Ah! But if you happen to bump into somebody, that's just a bonus!"

"No, seriously! That's not what this is about! Gateway's working on an awesome new AI home assistant! It will revolutionize everything! It can totally help make this farm more efficient!"

"How exactly?"

"It'll help increase crop yields and reduce water waste!"

. . . . .

"You know managing a farm is different from managing a household."

Leon blankly stared at me for a second.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Tending to crops is different from adjusting your thermostat. Even if the people here bought your stuff, how would that help them?"

"It'll be able to increase crop yields and reduce water waste!"

"Okay, but how exactly?"

Leon once again stared blankly at me for a second. It seemed that he was so detached from reality that he couldn't comprehend that farming was different from gardening.

"It'll use super cool large language models to analyze - "

"Oh, sorry! I don't work here! So why don't head over to the administrative office and give your sales pitch there?"

"Excuse me," Dagger suddenly reappeared right beside us. He was using the stereotypical 'gay accent', "This is not a public park! Unless you're here for the community gardens, you shouldn't be here."

"Oh, my husband works here. I was going to visit him during his lunch break." I responded as casually as I could.

"And I was telling him all the cool amazing stuff that my company is making!" It appeared that Leon hadn't noticed us talking earlier.

"That's great!" Dagger continued, "But to be honest, I don't think the farm wants anything to do with the most divorced man in the world."

"THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT! Jessica dumped me only because she couldn't handle how awesome I was! She never understood the genius that stood before her!"

"MmmHmmm, anyway, unless you have actual business here, you're going to have to leave."

Dagger grabbed Leon by the arm and started leading him toward the Madison street entrance. Leon did not put up any sort of resistance, apparently too dismayed that we kept mentioning 'the divorce'. As he was led away, I saw my husband gesture with his hands behind his back. They disappeared behind a large lilac shrub and after a minute, my husband speedwalked back to me.

"Did you show him the power of bees?" I asked.

"I showed him the power of wasps! They've taken up residence in that old billboard by the gate."

Jul 22

The past few weeks with Joseph were unproductive as always. In that time, his desk chair broke, he had a really bad case of the shits, and the air conditioning at a local cafe had broken down. He still insisted that everything was because of the Evil Eye and that it was ultimately Jae's fault. I'd actually been considering referring him to another therapist, though I was unsure if I'd be able to. If Joseph can prove to me that he's the coolest, most awesomest gamer ever, that'll be a silver lining in all this. Beyond that, I've gotten that he sees me as another challenge to overcome. Me 'forfeiting' the match probably wouldn't deter him.

" - fucking bullshit, y'know? I know that I should be careful about dragging random strangers into my problems, but if I was never cursed in the first place, then none of this would ever happen!"

"Can you hold that thought for a moment?" I raised my hand to stop him, "You've told me a lot about your work, your workflow, and your audience, but what are your views on art? Why do you review the games that you do?"

"Cause it's my job." Joseph sounded slightly confused.

"I know, I meant more of . . . how do you decide what games to review?"

"Uhhh . . . I mean, I have a backlog of stuff I need to get to. Generally, I'll have one or two big projects that I'm working on, like Dark Souls 3 and . . . a Super Space Game retrospective. Then in between that I usually try to cover a lot of indie games that my audience suggest to me. A lot of those are usually really short, so I can pump out a video in a week or so."

"So for your big projects, you generally focus on Soulslikes and RPGs, and for small projects you focus on whatever."

"Basically."

"Would you say you're willing to try whatever your audience suggests to you?"

"Unless it's like an anime game, then yeah."

"Do you hate dating sims and JRPGs? Or do you hate actual anime?"

"I dislike it all. It's all cringe and bullshit." Joseph said as dismissively as he could.

Ah, he's one of those people. Should've guessed.

"Have you played Danganronpa?"

"I've played the whole series on stream."

"And what's your opinion on it?"

"There's . . . a lot of good character moments, character chemistry, one-liners, but a lot of it is just super padded out. Like, I think in at least every chapter, there's always this one conversation that goes: 'the victim was stabbed!', 'stabbed? with what?', 'most likely, the victim was stabbed with a knife.', 'so you're saying the victim was stabbed with a knife?', and so on. Usually by the end of the game, I'm so tired that I just want it to be over with."

"Yeah, some of the conversations can be really drawn out, but it's nice that the writers try to give their characters as much screen time as possible. Like, I don't feel that Mahiru's death in the second game would be as impactful if we didn't have that tea party scene."

"O-oh, yeah! I actually really love all those character building scenes! Even if they're filled with anime bullshit or they telegraph the next victim way too easily! It's nice to have moments of normalcy like that." There was a tinge of panic in his voice.

. . . . .

"Joseph," I began, "Do you ever feel stressed about putting out your reviews? Like, have you ever been afraid that you'll lose all credibility as a critic if you don't give the 'proper' opinion?"

"I have to give my audience what they want!" Joseph responded instantly, trying to maintain his composure.

There was a pause as I composed my thoughts.

"Listen, I know this is a difficult issue to grapple with, especially since you're a public figure. But you're not going to impress every person you ever meet. And if someone is going to constantly complain about everything you do, then you shouldn't associate with them in the first place."

"But I'm on totally good terms with my - "

I raised my hand to stop him.

"Just something to keep in mind."

Jul 23

After work, Jae spent his evening over in downtown Denver. It was the perfect place to do so on a hot summer evening. 16th Street was also basically a long park. A large lawn of grass and trees stretched unbroken from Capitol Station all the way down to Union Station. Bridges that connected 15th and 17th Street periodically cloaked part of the lawn in shadow. The majority of buildings along the northern sidewalk either had misters or fans operating outside their doors. There were also dozens of air conditioned restaurants, ice cream shops, and cafes along 16th Street.

Jae first got some ice cream and then headed over to Huckleberry Roasters to continue working on his game. He had made some progress on the project. The biggest difficulty was trying to figure out the antagonists' role in the story. He considered making them pure evil early on, but they felt like Saturday morning cartoon villains, which was jarring compared to everything else. Making them actual characters with motivations and such also proved difficult, because then Jae had to integrate that into the plot somehow. There were already A and B plots in the story, so adding a C plot would make everything feel bloated.

Unfortunately, Jae couldn't focus for whatever reason. Deciding that he was burnt out from racking his brain so much, he watched some Youtube videos before getting some dinner. He then stopped by a kitchen supply store before heading home. There was a homemade taco seasoning recipe he'd been meaning to try.

Since he didn't have any other plans for the evening, he decided to head to the train station near the Commons, the shopping district where Old Barrel was located. As he made his was across Commons Park towards Commons Bridge, he remembered that he ran into Gale here a little while back. It had only occurred to him after that encounter that Gale was trying to apologize. Secretly, Jae was hoping he'd run into him again. It seemed like he genuinely wanted to apologize, and Jae felt stupid for not realizing it sooner.

"Hey, wait up!"

Jae turned around to see Joseph running toward him. He remembered that he cursed two people with the Evil Eye.

"So what's your genius business proposal this time?" Jae said in an exasperated tone.

"I came here to apologize!" Joseph responded.

"Yeah, by giving me another business proposal."

"That's - "

"That's what you've been doing this entire time. You've never apologized to me. You've only given suggestions on how I can improve."

"Well, yeah! Cause you're struggling with being an artist!"

"And you're struggling with being an asshole."

. . . . .

"Whatever, just get it over with."

"Oh! Well, I was just going to suggest that you become a NSFW artist."

"Like someone who draws big anime boobies?"

"Yeah! They always get hundreds of thousands of likes, so it'd be perfect for you! You gotta give your audience what they want!"

There was a short pause. In that short pause, Jae's frustration transformed into pure anger, which he conveyed to Joseph by giving him the fiercest bitch slap he could muster.

"WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I BEND OVER BACKWARDS TO IMPRESS SOME CYNICAL ASSHAT LIKE YOU?"

Joseph was completely dumbfounded.

"Is THAT the secret to your success? You give shitty hot takes on video games just because your audience loves to shit all over them? Because that's what they want? And now you want me to start drawing big titty anime babes just so you can say I 'sold out' or that I'm some 'weird degenerate'? Is that what all this was building towards?"

"N-no, I just wanted to a-apologize."

"Bitch! You've put exactly ZERO effort into apologizing to me! All you've said is 'learn how to network' or 'just keep trying!'. Just a bunch of business aphorisms that don't get to the real core of my problem!"

"W-what's that?"

"That in order to make it as an artist, I have to impress dumb cunts like you!"

Jae's words reverberated across the bridge and through the park. If anyone was listening, they either didn't care or wanted to avoid getting involved.

"I can't fucking believe this." Jae said in a low, seething voice, "But fine, if that's the game you want to play."

Jae stomped off towards the train station. Joseph simply stood there, stunned. The darkness of the growing night slowly consuming him.

Jul 24

The Gateway office looked exactly how one would imagine them. The exterior was a large, beige brick monolith whose masonry was regularly broken up by large rectangular windows. A narrower monolith of glass covered the front entrance and the whole building was encircled by rather pathetic looking shrubs and trees. A vain attempt to help incorporate the new building with the existing architecture of the city.

The interior was all white walls and gray vinyl floors. All the furniture was geometric wood supported by black metal. This was a decently common aesthetic within the corporate world, but what was unsettling about it was that there was even less personality. As Jae continued on his tour, he immediately noticed that there was no decoration anywhere. No houseplants, no motivational posters, no stock photos printed on canvas. There was one office that was painted red, and another office had a collection of rubber ducks, but between those two the environment felt like an empty void that was waiting to be filled.

Normally, this would be a red flag for Jae. A lack of decoration either meant the owner had no interest in art, or was a boring asshole. But right now, he didn't care.

At his request, his tour ended at the R&D department. Cassidy, his tour guide from HR, introduced him to three men standing around a table.

"Hi everyone! This is Jae Sheridan! He's considering doing some freelance work with us. And this is Mason, Chad, and Jax!"

"But we don't accept freelance work." Jax said.

"Well, Jae wanted to work on a current project to show off his skills. He'll intern with us for however long it takes and then we can decide if we want to hire him." Cassidy explained.

"We're just giving him an internship?"

"I thought it was fine. That's how most other companies do it anyway."

"Yeah, well we're not like other companies!" Mason proudly exclaimed.

"Yeah!" Jax took off his sunglasses, "This place ain't for bird brains like you."

Within a matter of seconds, Jae had ripped open a water cooler jug, created a battleaxe of ice, and slammed it into the table. The head stayed wedged in the miniature canyon it just formed, while the handle completely shattered.

"So, what're you working on?" Jae asked in a flat, malevolent tone.

"What the hell man!"

Jae created a small blade of ice, held it up to Jax's neck, then transmuted it into pure titanium. It was a bit on the dull side, but could still definitely do some damage.

"That did not answer my question." Jae continued.

"We're working on an AI home assistant!" Chad interrupted, realizing that Jae was on a mission and that was not up for negotiation, "We basically have all the internal hardware and programming finished. So now all we have to do is design the actual case for it."

"Do you have any idea for what you want it to look like?" The blade left Jax's neck but was still pointed at him.

"Just something different than what's currently on the market."

"We were thinking about a cube since that'd be easy, but we're open to anything!" Mason interjected.

"Would I have access to copies of its blueprints? That would help me with designing it."

"Uh, we can't – we don't really allow interns or people outside the company access to that."

"But we can whip up a quick prototype! We can put all the electronics into a clear plastic cube or something."

"Hmm . . . how about a sphere?"

"Oh, sure, totally!"

Jae had calmed down considerably. He casually transmuted the blade into rock salt and handed it to Jax, who was still completely dumbfounded by everything. He then picked up a pad of sticky notes and started writing on it.

"Is there a deadline for this?" Jae asked.

"Uh, Leon's planning a tech showcase on August 8." Chad answered.

"Okay, that's around the corner, but I can definitely have something before then. Here's my number. Don't contact me for anything else other than this project."

Chad and Mason nodded. With that, Jae promptly left the room.

#writing #writers on tumblr #ao3 #ao3 writer #original story #long post #ouranos #worldbuilding #urban fantasy #elongated muskrat #artists on tumblr #spilled ink #reading #catharsis #botanical garden

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skeletonmob · 1 month ago

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Catharsis - Chapter 8

Chap 7

Masterpost

Chap 9

Word Count ~ 3700

Reading time ~ 18min.

Jul 4

Coincidentally, Maria also worked at Park Meadows. She had seen Jae several times but honestly thought nothing of it. To her, Jae was just another face in the crowd, albeit a rather flamboyant one, but that still wasn't anything shocking. On any given day, you could see 80's style mall goths, college girls in bikinis, drag queens, drag kings, leather daddies, or some combination of the above wandering around.

Maria worked at the embroidery department at Nordstorm. For the most part, it was easy but tedious. Both the computer and sewing machine handled the bulk of the actual work, Maria just had to keep the fabric taught and finish it off properly. For some orders, she'd be allowed to chose the colors, which she always enjoyed. Before Brandon died, she'd thought about becoming an interior designer. She found a specific serenity in walking around houses, talking to others about the perfect color for their walls.

Both Autumn and Lily had visited for lunch today. To prepare for this momentous occasion, some of Maria's coworkers – a pair of older Mexican ladies – had made all of them a small mountain of tamales.

“This one has pineapple in it!” Lily exclaimed.

“Is it pineapple and pork?” Maria asked.

“No, just fruit.”

“It might be a dessert version, kind of like with empanadas.” Autumn said.

“It could be, but it doesn’t taste like it. It’s kind of like cornbread with fruit rather than a pastry.” Lily said.

Both Maria and Lily started locating the rest of the fruit ones and setting them to the side. As they did, a weirdly familiar face approached them.

"Hi, I'm Leon Funk, CEO and savior of Gateway! Since we've opened a new mountain division here in Denver, I'd thought I'd come around and tell everyone the good news!"

The three of them looked at Leon in disbelief.

“We’re working on a bunch of cool awesome line of products! Like a super amazing new AI neural network home assis -”

“What are you doing here?” Autumn asked.

“Dammit! Everybody keeps asking me the same thing! Are none of you interested in all the super cool home electronics I’m making?”

“After you tried to violently create a global monopoly of lithium? Not really.”

“Also, shouldn’t you be in business meetings all the time?” Lily asked.

"I should be, but those are super boring! They're always about rehashing the same thing over and over. I'd rather be walking around telling people about all the exciting stuff Gateway's doing! Like our new AI home assistant!"

"But like, isn't that part of your job?"

"They're probably so boring because you're not there to give them direction." Maria suggested.

"Nah! They're all cool guys! They'll be fine without me!"

"If you have no interest in it, why are you the CEO?"

"Because I'm the most awesomest guy around!" Leon proudly proclaimed.

There was a long awkward pause. The three of them had expected a more serious answer than that. To save them from further embarrassment, Autumn gestured under the table, almost as if he was conducting an orchestra, and a faint wind emanated from behind Leon. Several other food court patrons nearly choked on their food.

"Holy fuck, dude! What did you eat?" an Eldritch man sitting next to them exclaimed.

"Nothing!" Leon turned to address him, "Cool guys like me don't -"

"I'm sorry, are you five?"

"Actually, I'm -"

"GOOD FUCKING HEAVENS! JUST LEAVE ALREADY!" Lily screamed as she covered her nose.

Dozens of other people in the food court turned in their direction. Leon finally got the message and hastily left, trying to maintain as much of his cool and suave demeanor as he could. Many people did double takes as he walked by.

"Sorry, about that." Autumn said after a moment.

"It's alright," Maria said, "It was better than trying to torch him with a fireball."

He took one of the dessert tamales to take his mind off things.

"To answer your initial question: his parents bought out Gateway when it was going under. I think it was supposed to be a birthday present?"

"I guess that makes sense," Lily said, "But it's still kind of weird to see him out in the open like this."

- - -

The rest of the day went by uneventfully, though Maria still couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. She'd seen dozens of internet memes about how Leon Funk was a huge man child, but hearing that second hand is different from actually confirming it in real life. It was honestly rather depressing. To her, it appeared that he was constantly trying to reclaim a childhood he never had. That's why he was walking around and talking to everyone. That's why he was always coming up with new 'inventions'. That's why he was always at every celebrity event you could think of: from the MET Gala to star ceremonies on the Hollywood walk of fame.

Maria took out the box from the closet.

But was that really the reason why? His parents owned a bunch of gemstone mines all across South Africa. His childhood couldn't have been that bad. Yes, their family fortune took an immense hit when all the synthetic gemstone factories moved in, but by that point, Leon and every one of his family members had a few hundred million to their name. Surely he had the most privileged childhood of anyone. Was he that resentful against synthetics? Was there some secret childhood bully he was trying to show up? Was all their wealth a lie and he was just trying to keep up the facade?

Maria suddenly snapped out of her trance, remembering why she was here in the first place. She quickly found a sky blue envelope and began tor read:

Sep 16, 2013

Dear Maria,

This might be the last letter I ever write to you. Long story short, I have malaria. I know, right? I've been here for less than a month and I'm already stuck in the hospital.

I'm being treated with cinchona tea and some other medication, which is keeping the worst of it at bay. Apparently, every alchemist here has a cinchona tree planted nearby for this exact scenario. The tea itself is not very pleasant. It tastes like cough syrup mixed with cinnamon and also has this weird petrichor after taste too it. It's kind of like drinking wax from a scented candle. I've mostly been feeling feverish. They say that I should recover in about a week.

Nobody has visited me so far. I know I've only been here a few weeks, but I expected a few of the guys to at least stop by for lunch or something. It's really demoralizing. Especially because there's all this hype about us being brothers in arms. I guess they think I'm lame for getting sick?

The only person who has visited me is Mrs. Vallejo. A handful of us are supposed to be stationed in or around local fire stations or hospitals so we can help with first responders. Both our militaries have authorized a few hundred of us to stay in hotels and such. Mrs. Vallejo and a few other locals have volunteered to house a few of us, which you'd think would be unsettling. Having some stranger with a bunch of guns shack up with you for a few weeks. But from what I understand of our conversations, she's an empty nester. Both her kids have gone to college and are living on their own. All this guerrilla fighting has been going on for a while anyway. So she's probably not disillusioned to the fact that desperate times call for desperate measures.

Beyond that, I've been watching a lot of old Sailor Moon. Half watching it of course, since it's the Spanish dub and I'm not really paying much attention to it. I've managed to fall asleep to it multiple times. It's kind of interesting. Back when I was a kid, all this cool anime stuff seemed really weird and arcane to me. I didn't really understand what was going on, I just thought it looked cool. But now I can fully understand what's going on, and I honestly feel a bit cheated. Like, I could've had this super amazing childhood if I could just comprehend what the TV was showing me.

Love you,

Brandon

Jul 9

After Maria visited the Imperial Garden, we headed back to the community garden. The flypaper flowers had been doing their job of attracting aphids. I could see several large clusters among the tiny forest. There were a few dozen ladybugs and aphid eaters happily munching away at them. The Tyrian basil was also doing well, there were a few dozen aphids on the right most plant, but nothing too dramatic. I scrapped a few into my hand, and directed a Death Pulse onto the row of basil, which killed the rest of the aphids.

(art by me!)

The Serrano peppers were also doing well, but seemed rather stunted. Most peppers would be close to full size after about 40 or 50 days, roughly two thirds until harvest time, and I gave all these guys a head start.

"Have you been watering these?" I asked.

"Every other day, usually after I get home from work." Maria said, "I usually try to make the dirt all dark and stuff."

"Which watering can do you use?"

"Whatever's in the greenhouse. I think two gallons minimum."

I checked a pepper for any aphids or fungus before remembering that it was summer.

"Ah! These guys love water!"

I ran to the greenhouse and came back with a small roll of biodegradable landscaping fabric. It was made from the same peat as those biodegradable plant cups, just rolled out into thick sheets.

"Since it's summer, a lot of water is going to evaporate from the soil," I continued, "We'll use this to act as mulch."

"Won't it disintegrate?"

"It still takes a few months for this stuff to decompose, and that's when it's actually buried in the soil. Plus, I'm sure someone will restock the greenhouse if they run out."

We started cutting the fabric – which was more like thick, crinkly cardboard – Into squares.

"So, what's on your mind?"

. . . . .

"How'd you get over your grandma's death?" She finally asked.

"It just . . . kind of happened after a while. Like, immediately after I was depressed, then I was just gloomy, and after a while that gloom started to disappear."

"Was there anything that triggered it?"

"I'm sure there was, but I don't remember what exactly. I do remember a few specific days where I was eating lunch outside and I looked at the sky and thought to myself 'yeah, today's gonna be a great day!' but beyond that, I can't really say if there was a specific event that lifted my spirits."

"Do you still get sad about her?"

"Sometimes, though it's not as bad as it used to be, obviously."

. . . . .

"How do you stop thinking about the past?"

"Is this an intrusive thoughts thing or a racked with guilt thing?"

"It's kind of the same thing with you. Sometimes I'm reminded of Brandon and I get really sad. Sometimes it really hurts to remember him and sometimes it doesn't. That's why I started burning his letters, so I'm not tempted to wallow in nostalgia."

"You also mentioned that hanging out with friends feels like a distraction. I suspect that's a similar situation. You go to an ice cream shop with your friend, which reminds you of that one ice cream shop you went with Brandon. Then you start reminiscing about the past, which makes you feel guilty and sad that he's not here. Would that be an accurate description?"

"Uh, more or less."

"Well, I think you have the right idea, and as cliche as it is, I think you also focus on living in the present."

"And how do you do that?"

"Honestly, off the top of my head, I don't really remember. I definitely know that you should cultivate mindfulness, which yoga and meditation can help with, but beyond that I'm not sure."

"Will that actually help?"

"From what I've read, yes. There's been dozens of studies about the affects of yoga, meditation, spending time outdoors, being spontaneous. They all increase happiness and satisfaction with life. At the same time, I understand that it's not a philosophy everyone can adhere to."

"Because they don't have the time?"

"Because there's no need to. With all the big existential questions of life, the only real answer anyone has come up with is live in the moment. Cherish the present, but that's honestly a hard thing to do. You wake up, have breakfast, take the train to work, work for six hours, take the train back, prep your lunch for tomorrow, go out for a walk, have dinner with friends, catch up on some TV, and then go to bed. Then you wake up the next morning and do the same thing. I think everyone knows that their life could change at a moment's notice. They might get caught up in a mugging or a train could derail or whatever. But 99% of the time, it's just another Friday. I mean, yeah, there's only one July 9, 2020, but there's going to be more Julys, more Fridays, and more July 9ths after that. In a single year there's 52 Fridays, so what does it matter if I spend one lounging about doing nothing? There's going to be one next week anyway."

There was a long pause as Maria processed what I said.

. . . . .

"Sorry, did I answer your question?"

"Oh, yeah, you did."

We finished cutting out the fabric, laid them out around the peppers, then gave the whole plant box a good soak.

Jul 13

Of the two, Gale was the one I had made the most progress with so far. Last week, he talked about his experiences in high school. He grew up in Frogtown, a town in Southern Oregon that had been getting a lot of investments from tech companies in the recent decades. Not from Gateway, but from startups trying to be the next Gateway. Most of his classmates thought that magic was outdated and archaic and bullied him as a result. The fact that his mom was also the resident hippie didn't help either.

"So I know you were bullied quite a bit," I began, "How exactly . . . did you ever try to confront them about it?"

"I tried to be diplomatic once," Gale said, "I tried setting up the best pizza party ever for them. Just to show that I understood them and wasn't a complete nerd. But they said I had 'tainted' the pizza, so I stopped trying after that."

"Did you ever talk to your teachers or your parents about this?"

"Well, my mom was the one who always suggested stuff like the pizza party. I thought she might have a point, so that's why I went with it. I also talked to my history teacher once. He's also the football coach, and he just said that it was good for building character."

"So you felt you never had anyone to confide in to."

"Yeah."

"Would you say that, overall, you have trouble interacting with others?"

"Yeah."

"What does that feel like to you? Can you describe how it feels to try and talk to someone?"

. . . . .

"It feels like there's this . . . huge wall I have to climb over. Like, I know what I want to say or need to say, but it feels like something's holding them back. And it takes so much effort to start talking."

"Would you say it closely resembles anxiety over public speaking?"

"I . . . would say it's more like I keep expecting the worst case scenario to happen. I keep thinking everything's going to spiral out of control and I keep having to steel myself. Eventually, my entire body's tense."

I thought over everything we'd talked about.

"I can kind of relate. In the sense of talking to others. I've had a handful of patients that were completely dreadful! Every time they'd come in I'd always expect things to turn into a shouting match."

"I thought you had a really good poker face?" Gale shifted to a more comfortable position.

"I do, but that doesn't mean I'm completely unphased. Sometimes you get patients that love to argue and you just have to find a way to deal with it."

"How do you deal with it?"

"Well, you have to take it case by case. In general, you should try to be diplomatic first, which based off what you've told me, I know is probably very hard for you. For you specifically, I'd suggest building up a tolerance. Trying talking to a waitress about your favorite food or this one vacation you had. If someone compliments your outfit, tell them about how you found it at a thrift store. It'll take a while, but the more positive experiences you have, no matter how small, the easier you'll find it to interact with others."

. . . . .

"I know it's hard to acknowledge that the person you're talking to is a person and not some evil supervillain that's out to get you. I know it can be hard to reach out for help after all you've experienced, but you have to at least try. You have to try and extend an olive branch. At the very least, then you'll know what kind of person you'll dealing with. Can you try it at least once before our next session?"

. . . . .

"Sure."

Jul 14

There were two tea houses that Jae primarily visited to get creative work done: KuCha House of Tea and iN-Tea. Beyond that, he'd drift between coffee shops and libraries and anywhere else he could sit down for a few hours. Since his apartment was closer to downtown Denver than his parent's, it was more tempting to visit the Old Barrel Tea Company.

Old Barrel is owned and operated primarily by the Dine peoples. Native Americans, along with basically every other culture on the planet, have a long history with herbalism, alchemy, and agriculture. The biggest difference was that all this knowledge was primarily an oral tradition, rather than written one like their European counterparts. So it was no surprise that in the modern era, many indigenous peoples started their own coffee roasting company or perfumery or hair salon.

By the time Jae had finished writing, the sun was starting to set. Even with all the trees and skyscrapers of the Denver skyline, you could see the sky being slowly over taken by the faint glow of the sunset. He stood on the Commons Bridge and gazed at the water below, wondering if and where he should go out for dinner. Eventually, his thoughts were gradually swallowed by the gentle sound of the water below him and he simply basked in blissful existence for a moment.

. . . . .

"NO! FUCK!"

Jae snapped back into reality and turned around. Gale had tripped and dropped a small box of chocolates, which had burst open and tossed said chocolate across the bridge. Jae didn't put it together that the chocolate was supposed to be an apology gift for him, and simply helped Gale pick everything up.

"Thanks." Gale said quietly. Only two pieces of chocolate remained unscathed. "You want one of the good ones? I think one of them is marzipan and the other is raspberry creme."

Jae took the dark chocolate marzipan. Gale took the milk chocolate raspberry creme as he tossed the box into a trash can. He still felt like an idiot. He then joined Jae at his original spot.

. . . . .

"It's been ages. Have you come to beg for mercy?" Jae finally asked.

"I . . . I wanted to asked you something." Gale actually wanted to apologize, but couldn't bring himself to.

"Is it why I'm such a dumbass?"

"U-uh, no . . . w-well it's kind of related. Like, um, why do you like making art?"

"Because I enjoy it."

"U-uh, I guess what I really meant was . . . where do you get your inspiration from? Why do you make the stuff that you do?"

. . . . .

"To be honest, I'm not entirely sure. I do genuinely enjoy it, but beyond that it's hard to say. Drawing and writing help me get my thoughts in order and it's therapeutic in its own right. I guess it's just how I show myself to the world."

"Why not show the darker sides of yourself? Or try and show the true darkness of humanity?" It was clear Gale's emo facade was still there.

"Being edgy doesn't make something 'true' art. Besides, it just gets old after a while."

"What?"

"It's like with all those 'alpha male' influencers and whatever. One week they're complaining about how magic duels are 'sexist' against men because they can't treat it like a boxing match. Then the next week they're complaining about how no one is taking the 'trans issue' seriously. Then the next week they're complaining about how alchemists are 'weak and effeminate' because potions are stored in colorful glass bottles and not 'manly' aluminum cans. It just becomes white noise after a while. They're just guys that're wasting their time and energy complaining about things that don't matter."

"Oh . . ." It dawned on Gale that this was how Jae saw him.

"Honestly, what's the point of that? Why are there so many people who are so dedicated to literally wasting their breath? I know that venting my frustrations through painting isn't going to instantly transform me into one of them, but making it 'my thing' just isn't . . . it's not the direction I want to take with my art."

Gale wanted to respond, but didn't know how.

"I guess I'll see you around." Jae finally said as he started walking away.

#catharsis #ouranos #writers on tumblr #writers on ao3 #fantasy #urban fantasy #worldbuilding #long post #original story #elongated muskrat #spilled ink #writing #reading #gardening #shopping mall

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