#& yeah i'm keeping newton

[octuscle]

From tutor to rookie of the year

Hi, my name is Jake. My company has hired me to tutor a few students with poor grades. That's not necessarily the reason why I started working at the auditing company. But first of all, I'm new here and I'm not going to refuse right at the beginning of my career. And secondly, becoming a teacher had actually been an option for me. Maybe it's fate now or something.

The first lesson gets off to a very promising start. I almost have to tear myself apart to leave your office and get to school on time. But when I arrive, there is a yawning emptiness in the classroom. Only after fifteen minutes I hear noise in the corridor and a couple of football jocks barge in the door. A few still in football gear. And all obviously unshowered after training. Phew, it stinks. And as I look into the handsome, square-cut faces of the boys spraying with testosterone, I'm suddenly back at school. The small, clever but shy boy who, at best, the stars of the football team overlook and, at worst, stuff into the toilet. I clear my throat and say that I'm not here for fun either and that I'm asking for some attention. The boys barely react. Damn it, it's not my problem. I explain a few linear algebra problems on the blackboard and ignore the paper airplanes. I have my school-leaving certificate. I have my master's degree. And my bonus doesn't depend on the grades of these idiots. At least I hope so.

After the debacle of the first tutoring session, my appetite for the second is very dampened. But it was already hard enough to get this internship. The firm is one of the most prestigious accountancy firms in the city. And if my pro bono job as an intern is tutoring the idiots on the football team twice a week, I'll survive. Apart from the 60 hours a week in which I have to pore over balance sheets, that doesn't matter any more.

These days, the musclemen are even on time. And somehow nicer than last time. They even ask me reasonably sensible questions like whether you can predict the trajectories of footballs. I take this as an opportunity to tell them something about vector calculus. They collapse with laughter. "Bro, I was joking. And football isn't math. Football is strength and speed." I'm about to take a breath and say something about Newton and the relationship between force and speed. But instead of listening to me, the jocks start bragging to each other about their heroic stories on the field. And I can't help but listen to them spellbound. When the lesson is over, I look after them with fascination. I wish I could have been more like them at school.

Shit, because I'm the only nerd on the senior team who isn't a complete failure at sports, Coach made me give math tutoring to the football team. He thinks the Meatheads might have a little bit of respect for me. Shit! Them for me? I for them might be more correct! The thought of explaining math to my secret crush forms a wet spot in my Calvin Klein shorts.

I expected the boys to keep me waiting. If they were also punctual and disciplined off the pitch, they wouldn't need any help. And I don't want to tutor them any more than they want to be tutored. We reach a compromise. You listen to my math tutoring for half an hour. And then we'll go out onto the pitch for half an hour and play a bit of football. God knows I'm not unsportsmanlike. But soccer has somehow never been my sport. I'm more of a swimming pool or gym kind of guy. Team sports? Not really.

Shit, yeah, I'm no rocket scientist in math. But I have quite good grades in English and history. I'm not going to fail this year. Why the fuck do I have to go to tutoring with the other bros from the football team? I have no idea. But seriously, the tutor is a total loser. A beanpole in a stuffy shirt. The idiot even wears a tie. Seriously, who wears a tie these days? If I had to wear a tie, I'd change jobs. Or if I had to shower after training. Shit, these are just rules that can come from old fat men. Bros like me and my bros smell like test… Testo… Well that hormone stuff. Sweat, musk and Axe. If I didn't have to go straight to detention again, I'd let the loser smell my armpits… But I'm a sophomore on the team right now. Let the juniors and seniors do that.

"Jack, bro!" This is Chuck. The QB on the team. I can tell by his voice. And by his smell. And I'd also know it by the taste of his cheesy boner…. But he stays locked in his jockstrap cage right now. What a damn shame! "Bro, where were you in tutoring? The dean was there. You're in fucking trouble!" Shit, tutoring! I was at the gym. The other guys are all so pumped. I don't want to lag behind any longer. "Shit, dude, we said you were in the bathroom. The loser tutor didn't dare contradict us. But I think you have to let him suck you off so he doesn't tell on you." Hehehehehe, I like that idea. There are still 40 minutes until football practice… And I haven't cum yet today. "Is the loser still in the classroom?" I ask. Chuck nods. I fist bump him and say that I'll sort it out quickly.

If Chuck and Matt go to college next year, I have a good chance to be the QB. But until then I still have to build up a lot of mass. Those two are just in a whole different league. And I'm damn jealous of the hair on Matt's chest. You should see the bush under his arms. Dude, the man is going to be a fucking gorilla! Shit, I'm not half the man those two are. You can tell immediately by the size of the bulge in our compression shorts. Nevertheless, neither of them mind if I fuck them. But they like fucking me even more. Without eye contact. Otherwise it would be totally homo!

We skipped tutoring again today. Coch covers for us while we're in the gym or doing our laps on the cinder track outside. Nevertheless, it's still up in the air whether Chuck and Matt will be at college next year. And whether I'll be a junior by then. But screw it, NFL pros don't need to know math.

[andreafmn]

Speak | Chapter 14

Word Count: 4.1K

Summary: Bella Swan was a disaster when Edward had left. Deciding she needed a little help, Charlie Swan receives with open arms his younger daughter (Y/N) Swan. She helps Bella during her depression and becomes inseparable from her long-lost friend Jacob. What she didn’t expect was falling for a hotheaded short-tempered silver wolf.

A/N: this chapter is way longer than I thought it would be and all I'm saying about it is that the next couple of chapters are gonna be a shitshow 🤭🤭 Also, tried to keep the taglist as it was and to add people, but Tumblr won't let me post the chapter with how many there are. TAGLIST CLOSED 

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Not seeing Jacob for almost three weeks had not been as catastrophic as (Y/N) had thought it would be. It had been odd, she couldn’t lie. She had gotten used to seeing him at least once or twice in a week and coming home to an empty house had been unusual. Still, it had not sent her into the comatose whirlwind her sister had fallen into after her boyfriend had seemingly disappeared from the face of the earth.

Charlie hadn’t questioned it at first. Mostly because (Y/N) didn’t seem any different, and she still talked to someone on the phone most days. Nothing was amiss in the eyes of the household.

Until a switch flipped inside Bella. Halfway through (Y/N)’s Jacob detox, her older sister started to disappear a couple of times a week. She didn’t know where she was going or what she was doing, but she was happy that Bella seemed to be doing better. Whether it had been because of their father’s ultimatum or because she genuinely was starting to move on didn’t matter. (Y/N) was simply happy that her sister seemed content.

Her mind was also occupied with a certain boy and what he had done to make sure she was okay. In the days after the accident, he called her every morning and every night, reminding her to change her bandages and apply antibiotic ointment. He always asked how her bruise was doing and made sure she remembered to ice it every night. He had made her feel cared for, and he had made sure she knew that someone out there was watching out for her well-being.

The feelings that fluttered in (Y/N)’s heart were still unclear to her. She couldn’t deny the magnetism that pulled her toward Paul, and the more she got to know him, the more she understood her gravitation toward him. Just not what had spurred it on.

“Hey, (Y/N), I’m going out soon,” Bella called out. “I left some breakfast done in the microwave.”

“Where are you going?” (Y/N) asked, peering her head down the stairs.

“On a hike.”

“By yourself again?”

“Uh, yeah. I’m trying to get used to being there by myself again.”

“If you give me a couple of minutes to get ready, I could go with you. Make sure you don’t fall this time,” the younger girl offered. “I wouldn’t mind some sisterly bonding..”

“Uh, well... you know, maybe next time?” Bella stammered. “I’m kind of short on time, and I have a shift at Newton’s soon after.”

“Oh, that’s okay. Just be careful, then. Wouldn’t want another ER visit.”

“Right,” she chuckled dryly. “I’ll see you later, (Y/N).”

“Yeah. See you.”

Much like the past weeks, even if she was doing well, Bella seemed to be avoiding her sister. And it felt no different than when she wouldn’t speak at all. At least at that point, she would at least meet (Y/N)’s eyeline. It had sent her down a spiral as she wondered what she had done for her sister to spend as little time as she could with her.

But she had no time to dwell on her sister’s rejection. She didn’t want to. Instead, she packed a backpack full of art supplies –paints, brushes, and a canvas notebook. The items were coated with a layer of dust, left abandoned and untouched for many years.

(Y/N) had grown up loving everything artistic. It was a side Bella was not in tune with, and it had made her feel closer to her mother because of it. When they had been on the road, many a time did Renée and her youngest daughter stop by a creek or a clearing to paint the scenery before them. If they didn’t paint, they would prop up a couple of chairs and spend hours knitting or crocheting. Those were the moments she thought there would be a possibility that she and Bella could be on equal footing.

As she got ready to go, she realized there was no way she had no way of getting anywhere near the place she had in mind without a set of wheels. Her father had promised that as soon as he could, he would get her a car, but for the time being, she was stuck hitching rides with her sister to school and depending on others to drive her anywhere. She never realized how inconvenient it was to not have a car now that she was… single?

(Y/N) walked to the phone in the kitchen, dialed the number she had unknowingly memorized, and waited for a response. “Hey,” she smiled as the call was picked up. “Are you, by chance, doing anything right now?”

“Not really,” Paul said through the phone. “I should be doing homework, but I am up for anything that gets me out of it.”

“Well, if it’s not too much trouble, do you think you could pick me up? I was in the mood of painting in the woods, somewhere by the trailhead off the one-ten, but I have no way of getting there.”

“I’ll be there in ten.” 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to bother you if you have something to do.” 

“It’s absolutely no problem, (Y/N),” he said. “I’ll see you soon.”

After he hung up the phone, (Y/N) went ahead and finished packing the rest of the supplies she would need, as well as food and drinks for the trip. If she was going to make him make the trip to and from Forks, she could at least make it worth his while. In a lunchbox cooler, she placed the remaining slices of a cake she had made the week before, BLT sandwiches she quickly put together, and anything else she could find in the fridge and around the kitchen that would be good to snack on –crackers and cheese, some assorted vegetables and fruits, chips, and bottles of water and a couple of cans of soda.

By the time Paul reached her front door, she was carrying a full backpack on her back and a couple of bags in her arms. “Are you moving to the forest?” he chuckled the moment he saw her reaching for the heaviest ones. “I didn’t think this outing would be so life-changing.”

“Well, my things are on my back,” she explained. “The lunchbox is filled to the top with food and drinks, then that bag has a blanket and some other dry snacks. I might be forcing you to make this long trip, so I thought I would at least feed you in exchange.”

“You’re not forcing me to do anything,” Paul smiled softly. “But I appreciate the food. I may have also brought along some things to eat.”

“Great minds think alike, it seems,” she returned his grin. “Then, thank you for driving me. I’m sure there are a million other ways you would rather spend a Saturday.”

“Not really,” he shrugged as he opened the passenger door for (Y/N) after placing all of the bags in the back. “You honestly saved me from a very boring English paper on The Great Gatsby.”

“I actually read that book last year,” she added as Paul turned the truck on. “It’s really good once you get into the story.”

“How have you already read it? I thought you were a sophomore.”

“I didn’t read it for school,” she chuckled. “Surprisingly enough, you can read things without being graded on them and like them. It’s actually one of my favorites.”

“Then I guess I will just have to give it a fair chance,” he said. His eyes snapped to hers for a quick second before focusing on the road once more, and she couldn’t help the rush that it sent through her. “If it’s one of your favorites, then it must have some type of redeeming quality.”

“I’m sure you’ll like it,” (Y/N) smiled. “As long as you give it a chance.”

As soon as they reached the end of the dirt road that took them to the trailhead, Paul took hold of all of the bags before opening the door for (Y/N) and helping her out. And the second she went for a bag, he started walking.

“I just want to help carry something,” she called out with a chuckle as he put distance between them. “I brought most of the things.”

“Why would you have to carry anything when I’m right here?”

“Because I want to help.”

“You’d have to catch up to me to do that,” he smirked, walking backward through the trail. “Which is impossible, so I guess I’m carrying the bags.”

“I don’t even know where we should go,” she laughed, taking off in a small trot to reach him. “This is as far as I thought.”

“Good thing you have the best guide then. I’m as good at moving through the woods as I am at carrying bags.”

“Lead the way then,” (Y/N) smiled.

Paul allowed (Y/N) to catch up to him once she renounced the idea of carrying anything. She followed every step he made, wondering what destination he had in mind. The last time she had even come close to being in the midst of the trees of Washington had been when she was a child. Too many times, little (Y/N), Bella, and the Black children would escape to the woods even when Billy and Charlie had warned them many times not to.

Those were the moments she missed the most. When the only thing they were worried about was having fun and keeping their escapades from their parents. There were no complicated feelings or uncertainty in their relationships. There was no confusion or pain. No ill will or misguided intentions. They were just kids trying their best to make the most out of their summer.

When Paul finally came to a stop, (Y/N) felt a sense that she had been in that very spot before. From the rays that peeked through the treetops that reached each other to create a covering to the flat expanse of grass; from the quiet pond to the rocks that bordered its shore. She could bet almost everything she had on the fact that, if she hadn’t been there, she had seen it before.

“This is perfect,” she found herself muttering. “How did you know about this place?”

“I told you I was the best guide for these woods,” he smirked. “I know all of the best spots in these woods.”

They settled close to the pond, one of the only places the sun shined onto. In the cold of February, the warmth made that place that much more perfect. She straightened the blanket onto the ground, setting the food in one corner and the paint supplies in another, leaving the center empty for them.

(Y/N) sat first, pulling item after item from her backpack, setting them in between her and where Paul sat after. He watched her every move, curiosity filling his eyes. Especially as she handed him a piece of canvas paper and a set of brushes.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” he asked as he eyed the items in his hands. “I can’t paint.”

“You don’t have to know how to paint to just have fun painting,” she offered. “But you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just get very quiet and in my own head when I paint, so I thought it’d be good for you to have something to do while I basically disappear for a while.”

“I’ll give it a try then,” Paul smiled, taking back the items (Y/N) had reached for. “But you have to promise you won’t laugh at it.”

“I promise.”

The younger Swan had not been lying when she said she got quiet. As soon as her brush hit the canvas and she felt inspiration rush through her, it was as though she was by herself. Her hand moved before thoughts could fill her head. She couldn’t see or hear anything but what was coming to life in front of her. Stroke after stroke, color after color, her painting was the only thing she could think of.

Before (Y/N) knew it, an hour and a half had passed, and her painting was done. As she slowly came back into the present, she looked up for the first time since she had sat down. Paul was staring at her with something in his eyes that was there every time he looked at her. Even if she didn’t know what it was, she knew that it made her feel good.

“Hi there,” he said with a slight chuckle. “You weren’t kidding when you said you’d disappear.”

“Oh, sorry,” she said, growing red with embarrassment. “Have you been waiting long?”

“Nah, you’re good. It was honestly fascinating,” Paul smiled. His brown eyes looked like they were on fire under the orange sun, drawing her in like nothing ever before. “What were you working on?”

“Show me what you did first,” (Y/N) responded, shielding the canvas from his line of sight.

“It will definitely not be as good,” he frowned. “I was not blessed with this kind of artistic talent.”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad. Show me.”

He turned his canvas paper slowly, revealing a painting that was amateurish at its best but still adorable. It seemed he had drawn the view before him. A striking blue pond with vibrant green grass, fluffy trees that met by their branches with thick dark trunks, and what seemed to be the shape of a girl looking down at a piece of paper. Anyone would have thought that a child had done it, but it made (Y/N) smile so hard it made her cheeks hurt.

“Please don’t laugh,” he said sheepishly. “I told you I’m not good at this.”

“No, it’s cute. I love it. I don’t know how, but it’s very you.”

“Very me? You mean painfully childish?”

“Oh god, no!” (Y/N) quickly corrected. “It’s fun, it’s vibrant, it’s… it’s present. Sure, I can tell it’s by a beginner, but it still speaks to the way you view the world. And it’s beautiful.”

“Woah, well, I never thought of it that way. Much less that you could say so much of such a basis painting.” A smile spread across his face as he looked at his work with different eyes. They were kinder now, appreciative of the art he had made. “Now, let’s see yours.”

Once he asked again, she turned the notebook, careful not to smear whatever parts were still wet. Paul’s eyes opened big, and his mouth fell open in amazement. On the sheet, a dark grey wolf howled back at him. Its fur was completed with a mix of yellows and oranges to give it dimension, and its head was raised to the sky as it called out. She didn’t know how she had such a vivid image of a wolf in her mind, but she loved how it had turned out.

“Holy shit, that’s amazing!” Paul exclaimed as he took the notebook to inspect the art closer. “I knew you could paint, but I didn’t know you could paint like a professional.”

“I would hardly call myself a professional,” (Y/N) smiled. “And it’s been years since I’ve actually painted anything. But weirdly enough, I have been able to get the image of this wolf out of my head since I got to Forks.”

“That is weird,” he coughed awkwardly. “But it’s a beautiful painting, (Y/N).”

“Keep it,” she offered. “I will probably paint many more if it’s the only source of inspiration I’ve gotten in a long time.”

“I couldn’t. It’s your work.”

“And I want you to have it,” she insisted. “Please.”

“You’re twisting my hand, but fine,” he said with fake nonchalance. “It’s really good, though, (Y/N). You’re really talented.”

“Thank you, Paul. I’m just glad it’s something that ties me to my mother.”

“What do you mean?”

(Y/N) sighed before she answered. It was a topic she had never brought up to anyone. She had never felt like she could. Not to anyone close to her, at least. “I don’t know,” she breathed. “I guess I’ve always felt like I’ve needed to fight for people’s attention. Especially my parents. Everyone just seems to gravitate toward Bella, and I’m always left in her shadow. As we grew older, I found anything artistic came easy to me, and it’s one of the only things I have over my sister.

“And I know it sounds bad, but it made me feel good that she was bad at it. My mom would always go through some moments when all she wanted to do was paint or knit or whatever, and she’d always look for me when that happened. So, I made sure I would always practice so that she would keep asking me to join her.” (Y/N) could feel tears prickling in her eyes, threatening to spill as she finally said out loud what she had been keeping inside for years. Her head fell as she stared at her fingers, her attention falling on a little piece of skin that had lifted on her thumb. “With my dad, it’s a bit more difficult though. I feel like we get along well, but right now, he’s worried about Bella, and that takes up a lot of space in his mind. And somehow, I just keep falling through the cracks.”

“You should never have to beg for anyone’s attention, (Y/N),” Paul said, wiping away a tear she had not felt fall. “Have you ever told them about this?”

“No,” she answered sheepishly. “And right now, it’s not the best time. Bella seems to be getting better, and I wouldn’t want to jeopardize it.”

“But…”

“It’s okay, Paul. Really. I’m used to it by now,” she smiled as she dismissed the topic. “Now, let’s open up that lunchbox. I’m getting kind of hungry.”

She handed Paul one of the sandwiches as she placed the rest of the food and drinks between them. Not many words were exchanged between them as they ate, the boy downing most of the items at a surprising speed.

“So, tell me about your Great Gatsby assignment,” (Y/N) said, breaking the silence. “Maybe I could help you with it.”

“Well, I’m supposed to pick a central theme in the book and write how it’s presented in the story. But I’ve only gotten as far as the cover page, and the paper is due Monday.”

“Paul! You should be at home working on it! You made it sound like you had a lot more time to finish it.”

“Eh, it doesn’t really matter.”

“Okay, well, I could tell you one of my favorite themes. But I don’t know how interested you’ll be in writing about it.”

“Can’t be any worse than I already have,” he shrugged. “So, go ahead. Tell me about The Great Gatsby.”

“Well, I’ve always found the use of love and romance in the book very interesting,” she started, setting her food down on her lap as she got into what she was saying. “There’s this big debate on whether Daisy actually loved Gatsby, but I don’t think that’s the right question. What we are looking for in the story is whether Daisy loves Gatsby more than she loves wealth and status. Which, spoiler alert, she does not. Regardless of how Tom treats her, she stays with him because of what he can give her. She may have been infatuated with Gatsby, but the second something better came along, she forgot all about him. Until he shows up with money, and suddenly he’s at the top of her list. But new money can never be as strong as old money.

“Now, there’s the question of whether Gatsby is in love with Daisy, which is a completely different side of the same coin,” (Y/N) continued, settling more into her position. “I would say he isn’t. He is in love with this idea of Daisy that she simply is not. She’s cold and materialistic, and she’s only driven by what others can give her. She wants an easy life that she knows she will never get from Gatsby. Sure, he would never hurt her or cheat on her like Tom has, but she can never part with the simplicity she gets by staying with Tom. The Great Gatsby is painted as this unfortunate romance, filled with forbidden love and circumstantial obstacles, but truly it’s about a cunning woman that loves money and excitement more than she loves the men in her life.”

At that moment, (Y/N) didn’t note the irony of the story and how closely it related to her own situation. She didn’t feel like a Gatsby or a Daisy, much less did she see how she had her own version of Tom. But Paul drank each of her words like they were honey spilling from her lips. Not because he particularly cared about the story but because she loved it.

“You know what, you’ve actually convinced me to read the book,” he smiled before taking the last bite of his sandwich. “Don’t know if I’ll finish it by Monday, but I will definitely try.”

(Y/N) couldn’t help but laugh as a dollop of mayonnaise smeared on his cheek. She tried to point out where it was, but his comically outstretched tongue could not get to where it was. “Here,” she chuckled. She pulled a napkin out of the bag and wiped away the stain as they laughed. “Much bet…”

Suddenly, a rustling startled them, followed by laughter. For a moment, (Y/N) had forgotten that she was in the middle of the woods and that anyone could walk by at any moment. The pair got up on their feet, cautiously following where the sound came from while shielding themselves from view. But nothing could have prepared her for what she was about to see.

Bella and Jacob were coming down the trail, walking side by side as they talked and laughed. They had no idea they were being watched at that moment, and they were acting as much. Jake offered Bella his arm after she buckled in her step, and she gladly took it. And all she could think of was how that should have been her; that Bella should not have been the one to be holding onto Jake.

At that point, (Y/N) couldn’t hold her tears back anymore. It seemed that Jacob had decided that their relationship was over, and he was gladly moving on with the person that was closest to her. It made her heart wrench inside of her chest, shattering whatever hope still remained inside her. She didn’t know when it had happened, but her knees gave up on her, and she could only stay up by the hold Paul had on her.

But she couldn’t blame her sister. Not entirely, at least. (Y/N) hadn’t confided in her sister about any of the problems she’d had with Jake, and they had been friends long before (Y/N) had come back to Forks. Still, she couldn’t help but feel betrayed by the fact that her sister would lie to her about spending time with her boyfriend—ex-boyfriend?

Paul made a move to walk toward them, possibly to try and confront them, but (Y/N) stopped him, pleading with her eyes to wait until they were gone. “Why didn’t you let me go after them?” the boy asked the second the others were out of view. “Don’t you want to know why he’s been avoiding you and why the hell your sister is with him?”

“It doesn’t matter,” she sniffled. “Jake made it clear that he didn’t want to be with me if I couldn’t get Embry to leave you guys, and he’s just making good on his promise. And Bella doesn’t even know about all of that. He definitely didn’t tell her.”

“Then, why didn’t you expose him to her? Don’t you want her to know what he did?”

“(Y/N)…”

“Just take me home, please?” she asked. Her eyes were filling with new tears, and her lips quivered as she tried with all her might not to let them fall. “I just want to go home.”

“Alright,” Paul conceded.

They packed everything in silence, the air around them shifting and thickening. Long gone was the comfortable sunny day, now replaced with a coldness that seeped through their bones. All (Y/N) wanted now was to go back home and sink into her bed sheets. Seeing Jacob and Bella together had hurt her a lot more than not seeing him at all.

Next ->

Closing up the taglist for this story because Tumblr has been going crazy and won’t allow me to post with the amount of people in the tags. If you don’t want to miss out remember to turn on the notifications for my posts 😬 My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts  or buy me a coffee to support me and my love of writing Make sure you have my notifications on so you know every time I post!

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[firewolf111]

Thomas: Okay, guys. I need your help. How do I tell the viewers that I need to take a break?

Patton: You could just...tell them?

Roman: *laughs* Tell them? That's hilarious.

Janus: I do see what is so funny.

Roman: Do you really think they're going to care?

Patton: I don't see why they wouldn't.

Roman: Don't you get it? No one cares for the narrator, only the characters. The only thing the narrator is wanted for, is the plot. The creator is only worth their creation. They won’t care.

Virgil: Geez, and they say I'm the angsty one.

Logan: To be fair, Roman is right.

Virgil: *groaning* Not you too.

Logan: I'm simply stating the facts. Science faces a similar problem. We often care more for the theories than the scientists who worked to discover them, leading to the credit being given to the wrong person.

Virgil: Also misogyny.

Logan: That too. But the point stands, the person is rarely associated with the product unless given value by something else, say money for example. You'll learn more about Newton's laws than you will about how he discovered them. No one tends to care for the effort and years it can take.

Roman: Or the blood and tears.

Thomas: This has gotten...depressing.

Roman: *shrugs* No one cares for the maker. No matter what you do. Though...maybe you are popular enough for people to care about you.

The "not me" goes unsaid. And maybe it also goes unheard and unnoticed as well.

Logan: It's possible you've gained enough of a fan base to have worth outside of your content.

Virgil: Are you trying to give him an existential crisis?

Janus: *looking at Virgil* I'm starting to think we are the mentally stable ones. Perhaps even Remus might be higher on that list than we thought.

Virgil: ...yeah. You may have a point.

Thomas: I'm not even sure what's going on anymore. I just asked for a bit of advice.

Patton: ... do you guys need a hug?

Roman: I mean, yes, but as I was saying. It's less the creator and more the character that will have the empathy of the viewers. *He fights the urge to look at Virgil. He ignores the thought of Janus in the courtroom. He pretends he doesn't know the comments. He shoves the thought of Remus away. He pretends, because he is good at pretending. The thoughts can wait for his stories because he was a creator, not the character.*

Roman: *glances at Logan* Though I have to admit, maybe creators are a bit more fortunate than the scientists. At least they get credit for what they make. And at least their pain can get seen, even if it's associated with their characters instead of themselves.

Logan: *looks away* Maybe. Though scientists tend to be taken more seriously.

An understanding is reached between the two. An understanding forged by pain and longing, though an understanding nonetheless.

Roman: Either way, the creator is never the one to matter.

Thomas: ...I think I'll just make a community post.

Virgil: Good idea.

Janus: Sounds great.

Roman and Logan: ...

And the conversation won't be acknowledged after that, proving their point. No one will catch on, and no one will care. And isn't that the creator's curse? To bleed for a page and be expected to keep bleeding. For the blood to be complimented in color, but the danger of the ink to be ignored. To paint with poison, only to die unnoticed as the paintings are admired.

At least to be famous is to be known.

But to be a creator is to be nothing but a creator.

[lookingfts]

Thanks for playing the prompt game!

You guys literally sent 50+ prompts - absolutely wild! I could only get to a fraction of them last night and this morning, but I'm keeping the rest to work through whenever I'm in the mood to write a drabble, so there's a good chance yours will still be written! I hope you liked the ones I was able to fill.

Here are some prompts that I thought were great, but I just probably won’t have ideas for/I don’t have the knowledge to do them justice. So anyone who likes them is free to take them! Just lmk and I’ll remove that one from the list. (Alternately, if you know of an existing fic that fits the prompt well, please shout it out in the comments!)

Kate & Anthony are together but are both lawyers and opposing counsel in an acrimonious court case - either DA vs criminal lawyer or family law or pick your favorite court trope. (Fic rec - he looked up grinning like the devil)

The first time Kate brings down a 14 pt stag while on a hunt with ABC and Simon (they are scared, respectfully)

Kate is a professional Game Master Sophie hired to host a tabletop role playing game Benedict's been wanting to play. Anthony begrudgingly participates since it's Ben's birthday.

I also love a protective Kate, esp. against the Bridgerton family and their tendency to push their luck with Anthony

Your Kanthony interpretation of TSwift The Story of Us (TV) (Now, I'm standin' alone in a crowded room/And we're not speakin'/And I'm dyin' to know/Is it killin' you like it's killin' me? Yeah/And I don't know what to say since the twist of fate/When it all broke down/And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now)

Kate is an independent documentary filmmaker traveling with her small crew, which includes her sound guy, Anthony Bridgerton.

Established relationship between Kanthony. Anthony is a wolf (animal) and Kate knows. She either met him in wolf form (he humped her leg) or he told her what he was. She was surprisingly chill about it. Their relationship is unconventional but very satisfying.

Anthony and newton switch bodies. It takes Kate a bit to figure out what happened as they are both usually all over her. (Now turned into this fic!)

Words of the day = strip pall mall. Better yet drunk strip pall mall

Kate as a singer since Simone Ashley is opera-trained in real life (Anthony and Kate meeting during a Broadway production??)

Modern day extremely chaotic breakfast at the Sharma-Bridgerton house. Bonus: add Baby Mary

Helping each other pack knives and guns as they prep for a last standoff and give each other tips on their shooting/skills (like Mr. and Mrs. Smith ending scene)

Their first formal dinner party, at which they have to sit at opposite ends of the table

In a role reversal, Kate is the one who needs calming down when her temper flares at an idiotic comment by Fife or Cho or someone (maybe about Anthony?)

Kate and Anthony are married intimacy coordinators.

Kate almost about to pass out due to a panic attack and Anthony comforting her and encouraging her to breathe

Regency Anthony meeting one of Kate past lovers before they say ILY. I want jealous Anthony on steroids

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 30

chapter 49:

1. jegulus jumpscare (it’s a dream i wasn’t expecting)

2. shit. the dream is about their wedding plans. i- i can’t do this shit while reg is in the arena

3. shit it’s raining and i know reg can’t handle it because of the last crimson river/arena

4. god, sirius wakes up to the rain and his first thought it to go save regulus

5. “"Lily, have you been using sex for favors?"

"No." Lily pauses, then snorts. "Well, alright, so this is how it works, yeah? I'm already having sex, and then I'm like, say, look at you all laid out and desperate to give me what I want; don't you want to do this very small, very simple thing for me? And then they mostly always say yes, and they get what they want, all while I'm having a grand time and also getting what I want. See? Win-win.””

😭😭😭 i love her your honor

6. “”I cannot believe that this revolution is partially running on your competency in sex."

"Oh, if only it could fully run on that. Everything would go so smoothly. Shit, we'd win the war in, like, a week.""

😭😭😭💍♥️ marry me please

7. “”I keep telling [Effie] I know exactly how to make her feel better, but she insists she's a married woman, and also far too old for me. Disappointing, really.”” 😭😭😭

8. james confronting lucius has me scared for remus. like, i know they can’t trace it back to remus, but i’m so scared

9. james is pissed at the world and it’s honestly scary

10. i know james is trying to use donations, but i’m also aware that riddle wants to make sure no donations make it to reg, sirius, or marlene

11. “"Aw, your boyfriend sent you a present," Rabastan teases, his tone lighthearted and good-natured.

"Fiancé," Regulus corrects sharply”

GAGGED. he took james’ words and fucking ran with it like nobody’s business

12. not narcissa welcoming james to the family 😭😭😭😭

13. james sent him a bagel and all the death eaters are making fun of him for being gay over it 😭😭

14. all james sent on the card was “???” 😭😭 pls that’s so funny

15. poor eli

16. the sad bonding over marlene and sirius having recovered from drinking problems

17. don’t tell me that the fucking crimson river hands are coming out the hedges. i- god i hope reg gets to personally witness riddle’s downfall

18. AND THE FUCKING GREEN MIST??? FUCK THIS

19. “You never truly do feel as alive as when death is breathing down your neck.”

oh he’s insane as hell. a black for sure

20. shit. sirius’ mind just went blank in the maze

21. the hallow is cruel beyond belief for this

22. “He has had dreams of Regulus, ah, using his dagger during…intimate moments, but is that something he'd actually do? Well… Okay, bad example.” 😭😭😭😭

23. james was so close to an epiphany about mcgonnagal making everyone hate the games. he was so close

24. “Thorfinn said he'd have to be killed to be stopped from going after Sirius, even though Regulus explicitly told him what he'd do about that, and so Regulus killed him. Newton's third law: for every action in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

bitch do not pull physics into this 😭😭

also that means that sir isaac newton existed in this universe, which if we see this as a future for our universe, it means that homophobia was prevalent at one point and the world straight up just eradicated it. 🤷🏽‍♀️ pro for this universe ig

25. “When he lifts his head, the first thing Regulus sees is his brother.

The second thing he sees is Sirius' fist, just the flash of it, just seconds before it collides with the side of his face.”

he had it coming fr

[checkoutmybookshelf]

I've been sitting on this since Bridgerton Season 3 ended, to really consider it and what I think. And the TLDR is that the actors across the board, but particularly Nicola Coughlan, Luke Newton, Hannah Dodd, and Victor Alli, knocked it out of the park. Fabulous performances. But the structural and narrative arc writing from the Bridgerton writer's room (particularly in terms of cul de sacs and blatant contradictions and everything about Lady Whistledown--but not the switch from Michael to Michaela Stirling; I'm actually intrigued to see where they're going with that) was absolutely appalling. More below the break for anyone who wants to keep reading.

So...the writing on Season 3. I'm going to start with where I think Michaela Stirling might go, and why I think they can actually make this storyline queer while still engaging with the infertility storyline that so many people connected with in the book. There is every possibility that Francesca will decide that she both wants to be with Michaela and wants to be a mother--but Regency England doesn't have IVF, so we could theoretically keep John alive, and have Francesca be really honest with him and Michaela and come to an agreement where she and Michaela get to have a relationship, and John will agree to help Frannie get pregnant because he needs an heir. Honestly, we could have a really interesting relationship between Frannie, Michaela, and John here where everyone is here for their own specific reasons AND because they care for each other. We could Iron Widow this, people!!! Frannie can still deal with infertility and how that affects her relationships with both John and Michaela, and we still get the effects of grief and infertility on relationships.

Alternatively, we can still have John unceremoniously drop dead (this is not my preferred choice, but like...the book exists), and have Frannie lose her pregnancy. If the miscarriage is secret, Frannie could try to get pregnant again (I bet Michaela knows people) and have a series of quick miscarriages before they couldn't hide the fact that John wasn't the father anymore. This is a less strong writing choice, but it could still be an exploration of grief and infertility. So overall, I think there is an argument to be made for making this storyline queer, and I'm interested to see where it goes. I'm not hopeful that the current Bridgerton writer's room will handle this well, but like...I can see paths to go forward on without losing the themes that people resonated with from the book.

Now. We need to talk about the Lady Whistledown thing. Season 3 spent A LOT of time telling us that Lady Whistledown was a mistake and it was actively harmful and it ruined lives. And yeah, if you just watch Season 3, that sounds pretty damning and like it would be best for everyone that Lady Whistledown gets buried (or leashed by Queen Charlotte, which is what actually happens and I cannot TELL you how mad I was about that).

The problem with that is that I was here for Seasons 1 and 2. And I want the Bridgerton Season 3 writer's room to POINT TO THE LIVES THAT LADY WHISTLEDOWN ACTUALLY RUINED. Because everyone who was written about landed on their feet. Daphne avoided Nigel Berbrooke (and Violet wouldn't have been ABLE to get Daphne out from his thumb without Lady Whistledown to publish his philandering and terrible conduct. I stand by Nigel not being ruined and frankly deserving WORSE than having to run to the country). Marina was not in a good situation from minute 1 of the season for social reasons, not because of anything Lady Whistledown wrote. And here's the thing: Pen got backed into a corner on this one. She told Marina "Not Colin" (several times) and she tried to keep Marina's secret while telling Colin not to marry her. When the Whistledown outing Marina was published, Colin and Marina literally had suitcases in hand to run to Scotland. So yes, Pen stopped that marriage. But in the world of the show, Marina landed on her feet with her marriage to Sir Philip (see her "I am content" scenes in season 2), and Colin ended up happily with Penelope. So sure, Pen prevented a marriage that narratively was doomed from minute 1, but I don't think it's fair on any level to say that Lady Whistledown ruined Marina's life.

We can talk about Pen's motivations for outing Marina's pregnancy all we like (and I do think that was complicated, and a mix of selfish and selfless motivations. It's called being a complex character), but Marina's life was not ruined by Pen publishing that Lady Whistledown.

Possibly the most egregious example of Season 3 trying to reframe a Whistledown as the worst thing ever is when Penelope "ruined" Eloise in Season 2. Queen Charlotte had threatened Eloise and the ENTIRE Bridgerton family, and I think its fair enough to say that Eloise's best friend trying to take credit for Lady Whistledown given the royal threat wouldn't fly. Publishing Eloise's friendship with Theo pulled Eloise's and the Bridgerton's bacon out of the fire. And Eloise was FINE. She was at the next ball, wasn't unduly harassed there, and she came back the next season like nothing had happened. She was fine, and the family wasn't ruined BECAUSE that Lady Whistledown got published.

The interesting tension with Whistledown was when Pen was directly challenging the Queen. She was coming for the person who set the social norms and managed social attitudes in her level of society. That's FASCINATING, and Pen challenging the literal power that was directly and indirectly responsible for everyone being shitty to her and her family for two straight seasons is ENTIRELY valid and interesting. But then Season 3 happened.

Season 3 yelled with its whole chest that Penelope was bad and wrong and should be ashamed for saying mean things about people, and tweaked Queen Charlotte's brain so that that's what she cared about too, instead of caring that her authority was being publicly challenged. Like...I was here for seasons 1 and 2. Pen was deeply human in her motivations and deeply complex in what she did and did not publish. And season 3 flattened all of that to go "BE ASHAMED BECAUSE YOU SAID MEAN THINGS." I am always furious when nuance gets flattened, and this is a particularly egregious example of that. It tells us to think something that directly contradicts what the first two seasons showed us (which is shitty writing on two levels).

Then there was also the weird contradiction with the chess scene between Lady Danbury and Queen Charlotte and the outing of Lady Whistledown. The chess scene was like "Keep the game going, it's more fun that way," and I genuinely thought that meant that we wouldn't get a Whistledown reveal because the GAME is the cat-and-mouse relationship between the crown and the column. Then we get the butterfly ball scene where Penelope is like, "Hey, can I keep writing? You can watch over my shoulder and make sure that I only say nice things about people." Which is UTTERLY BAFFLING because that's not the game. That's literally ending the game. There is no game if the dynamic goes from "two independent actors act and react to each each other to negotiate society and social norms" to "Penelope promises to be nice and Queen Charlotte gets to decide if she's doing that." That's not a game, that's a probationary period. It's also directly contradictory from a writing perspective, and I really don't have patience for writers directly contradicting themselves.

And the writing issues are most of why Season 3 was a fail for me. The acting was amazing, the vibes of some scenes were incredible, but the basic writing and narrative structure was a mess.

[bridgertonbabe]

Bridgerton Spouses Support Group Chat #?

BSSG Group Chat

Kate: Guys can I ask you all a question?

Michael: Shoot.

Kate: Did you all go paintballing without me last week?

Message seen by everyone ✔✔

Kate: Ok it's been 24 hours since my last message and I know for a fact you've ALL seen it so what fucking gives?

Gareth: look if i send a cute video of george and you guys all flood the chat with comments and stuff then hopefully we can drown her out and lowkey gaslight her into forgetting all about it

Kate: What?!

Gareth: oh fu

Gareth sent a video

Michael: Awwwwwwwwww bless he's so adorable

Lucy: he has the cutest laugh!!! 🥰

Sophie: I can't believe he's getting so big already! 💗💗

Phillip: Cute x

Penelope: omg I love the onesie do you know where it's from?

Simon: See I told you he'd love the crawling crab.

Gareth: @ Penelope i'll ask hy

Gareth: @ Simon he can't get enough of it, it's his favourite thing atm

Kate: @ Penelope Well I got it from Bambino

Kate: And I fucking saw the message you obviously sent to the wrong GC @ Gareth , so you can all quit trying to GASLIGHT me!

Kate: Now I'll ask you again; did you or did you not all go paintballing without me?!

Simon: Ok fine we did.

Kate: AHA! I KNEW IT!

Penelope: How did you find out?

Kate: Greg asked me if I enjoyed the spouses paintballing afternoon when he came to pick Katie up yesterday.

Gareth: omfg wtf @ Lucy

Michael: Yeah rare L from you Lulu

Lucy: guys I'm sorry I forgot to take the wristband off before I got home and he instantly recognised where it was from so I had to fess up

Gareth: dammit you've jeopardised our entire set up

Lucy: no no no it's fine I swear! I know some of you guys don't have any trust in your partners but greg can keep a secret and respect our spouse group privacy! it won't get back to any of the other bridgertons, you've got to believe me!

Phillip: He literally blabbed to Kate.

Lucy: yes but only because I didn't tell him that she wasn't invited!

Kate: And why was I not invited?!

Sophie: Because you would have ruined it! You would have turned a fun afternoon into anything but just like you do with every other game and activity we've played before! You're just as bad as the Bridgertons when it comes to anything vaguely competitive and the rest of us just wanted some lighthearted fun without everything descending into chaos and the world burning around us, ok? And that is why we didn't invite you!

Phillip: Yep

Simon: Very that.

Kate: Wow.

Michael: Look Kate you've got to understand it's not you. It's just the psychopathic competitive Mr Hyde in you that scares the bajeebus out of us.

Penelope: yeah it really isn't personal

Gareth: except it is

Kate: For god's sake I'm not that bad! Sure I have my moments but that doesn't mean I should be excluded from your group activities! I can control myself! I've never done anything to cross the line enough to be compared to Mr Hyde for crying out loud!

Sophie: You accused me of faking going into labour with Alex and refused to call me an ambulance when we played Cluedo.

Simon: You keyed my car after Daph pissed you off in Monopoly.

Michael: And you threw Newton's poo on mine when I won charades.

Phillip: You've always mocked me for having panic attacks during game nights.

Penelope: You pushed Colin down the stairs.

Lucy:

Kate: Oh boo fricking hoo! I'm so sorry you're all a bunch of whiny oversensitive little babies who can't take the slightest bit of heat from some perfectly healthy competition!

Gareth:

Lucy: is the perfectly healthy competition in the room with us?

Phillip: I dread to think what you consider to be unhealthy competition.

Kate: Oh go have one of your little anxiety attacks about it then you weakling

Michael has removed Kate from the chat

Sophie: I would say I'm surprised she can stoop to a new low but I'm really not.

Lucy: and this is why I also don't regret not inviting her to laser tag or the escape room

[minhosimthings]

Blackberries

Synopsis: When Seungmin takes you to a cat cafe

Pairings: Bf!Seungmin × gn!reader

Warnings: when I say this is the fluffiest fluff to ever fluff

A/N: fullfiling @like-a-diamondinthesky 's fantasies and writing this because ✨ obviously ✨.

The skies and the clouds high up in the heavens reminded you of him. The sweet honey, harvested freshly from the buzzing bees at your mother's flower farm reminded you of him. Hell, even the flowers reminded you of him.

But there was nothing in this world that reminded you more of Seungmin than puppies.

The little critters playing in the windows of the adoption centres, with their tongues stuck out and their ears flailing away into eternity, it was almost as if Seungmin had beem one and had been turned into a human by some witch. Atleast that was Hyunjin's theory.

So when Seungmin had proposed, out of the blue, to go to a new cat cafe which had opened down the street, it was safe to say you were more confused than Newton when the apple hit his head.

"A cat cafe?" You questioned, raising a brow at Seungmin, who sat nonchalantly, solving a crossword puzzle in his magazine.

"You're literally suggesting that we go to a cat cafe?"

"Well unless you're hard of hearing-" Seungmin poked his cheek with his tongue, eyes not once faltering from the magazine, "yes. I want to go to a cat cafe."

"This is suspicious." You narrowed your eyes like a detective, playfully creeping upto him akin to a cat, and staring at him.

"Darling if you want to know whether or not I'm on drugs, don't worry, because I'm not." Seungmin chuckled, his gaze finally shifting to you. He brought his lips down to your forehead and gently pecked it, getting up afterwards and strolling down the hallway into your bedroom.

"Are you going to keep staring at me like that or are you going to get ready, darling?" Seungmin cracked a small smile to your figure lying on the couch trying to figure out why exactly a puppy was being interested by cats.

"Y-yeah I'll get ready." You sauntered off the couch, your mind still unable to wrap itself around Seungmin's sudden epiphany.

Seungmin never had an eye for cats much. Or any feline really. He even had proof, videos on top of videos of him bickering with the biggest cat in his life, Minho.

But something about you, the way you adored them, bending down hurriedly to run your fingers through their beautiful coats whenever you'd see a stray one, it warmed his heart more than any fire in this world could.

And you never failed to bring up cats in any and every conversation.

Whether it was failing to ice skate in the winters, "Seungmin this snowflake looks like a cat!"

Or gulping down wine after a long day, "this wine smells like my sister's cat."

Or even hanging up fairy lights, "You know what would be a good investment?" You'd say, admiring all of the pretty sparkling lights, "Cat shaped lights, just imagine the-" you wouldn't get to finish the sentence however, before Seungmin pressed his lips to yours, unable to control himself over your adorable mouth.

"Well howdy beautiful." Seungmin leaned against the the door, eyes full of his fast beating heart. "Please tell me you're not thinking of a cowboy job now." You laughed, finishing the last touches of your hair, and striding over to him.

"I think I'd look pretty good in a hat, don't you?" He joked, wrapping an arm around your waist as you locked the door to your house and hid the key somewhere no one would find it.

"Nuh uh, you're not walking on that side of the road darling." Seungmin spun you on your heel, placing himself on the side nearer to the traffic ridden road. "Aww you care about me?" You giggled, ruffling Seungmin's already messy hair again.

Seungmin was intoxicated by you. The way the moonlight fell on your eyes, the way your perfume perfectly mixed with the sweet scent of the evening dew, the melodious way your voice would harmonise with the songs of the night birds. Seungmin had always heard about the notion that a healthy relationship is where two independent people just make a deal that they will help the other person be the best version of themselves. And Seungmin was convinced that meeting you made the personalities he had often hidden away, shine. You loved every version of him, every universe in which he existed. And he couldn't have been more thankful of that.

"So this is what a cat cafe looks like huh?" You stared in awe at the all the balls of furs playing with their tails on the floor.

"Im glad you like it." Seungmin pressed a feathery kiss to the side of your head, "Should we find a table then?"

Walking throught the warm carpeted floor, with hundreds of cats following your tail, you sat down by a table at the window, where a tiny black kitten slept, its mouth drawling across its face and it's tiny paws stretched out.

"It's so adorable." You scrunched your hands together, too overcome with cuteness agression.

"Hey there!" A cheery voice sounded in your ear, "What can I get both of you?"

After placing your orders and learning that the cat cafe was set up by its owner to double as an adoption centre, Seungmin picked the tiny black kitten into his hands. He was gentle with the creature, carefully adjusting it to his grasp.

"I wonder what its name is." Seungmin thought out loud, his eyes widened at the sight of the kitten blinking up at him with its tiny pupils.

"The waitress said they didn't have names." You hummed, stroking a lazy Scottish Fold in your arms. You saw Seungmin's face visibly drop at your words, his eyes going back to the kitten.

"Thunderbolt?" He chuckled, stroking the mangled coat of the kitten with his ring finger, "That would be a pretty name."

"Seungmin it's a cat, not a rock band." You giggled, your heart melting as the kitten let out a small but audible meow.

"Hmm Blackberry then." Seungmin smiled up at you with his teeth on display, "You love blackberries." "Well that I do." The cat on your lap shifted a bit as you ran your hands through its silky coat, "But tell me one thing; are you honestly thinking about adopting that tiny little kitten?"

Seungmin's eyes looked up at yours, cocking a brow. "Why? Have you not been wanting one for a long time?"

"You hate cats." "I don't hate them."

Seungmin argued back, carefully setting the kitten back on the table where it stood on its four paws and yawned with it's adorable mouth opening to show its barely growing fangs.

"You really want to adopt it?" You asked, your eyes filling with tears for some reason, "Really Minnie?"

"Hey hey don't cry." Seungmin cooed at you, caressing your cheeks with his hands, wiping the tears away with his thumbs.

You didn't know whether it was the sweet atmosphere of the cafe, or maybe it was just you, but your heart melted like snow on the first spring day, feeling Seungmin embrace you in his arms.

He was a cornucopia, a mystery, a puzzle that you would have to take hours to solve. But he was your mystery, and he always made sure you knew that, whether it was surprising you with dates to unlikely places, or even naming a kitten 'Blackberry'.

"I love you."

"I love you more."

"I love you most."

"Meow."

Your eyes shifted to the tiny kitten looking up at you with confusion, making you giggle.

"Let's not argue about who loves whom most in front of our child shall we?"

"He's our child now is he?" Seungmin pressed his nose to yours, sinking the stars in his eyes into your being.

"Yep." You let out a laugh, not being able to say anything more, and sinking into Seungmin's warm comforting love, knowing that he won't ever let go, until the stars rain down from the heavens.

[mad3lyncline]

𝑻𝑬𝑿𝑻𝑺 𝑭𝑹𝑶𝑴 𝑴𝒀 𝑭𝑨𝑴𝑰𝑳𝒀 𝑮𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑷 𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑻 . starters from a variety of real texts that have cursed my family group chat .

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i didn't see that [ name ] is holding his junk until after i sent the pic

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] just ate some fig newtons , the extra long ones

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] fuck yeah , go give that beer your dick !

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] maybe he'll let you down quicker if you give him an open mouth kiss

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] you'll want to keep the gondola operator alive but everyone else is dispensable

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] we have parked our lard asses under displays for souvenirs and we are both NOT MOVING .

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] no more mountains you've lost your mountain privileges

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] we still have our sense of humor , but [ name ] may lose theirs at any moment .

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] we are safe . we think . no need to worry . i don't think .

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] it's funny now , but i can feel myself getting a bit cranky .

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i'm really sick with icantgotowork disease 🦠 it's rough

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] have you guys gotten diarrhea yet ?

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i hear [ name's ] ex is writing a diss track

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] okay getting food bird pooped on me

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i just ate a cake that said 'happy birthday baby jesus'

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] the autism is strong today

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] there will be no butt cakes and please take me off this thread

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i'll start growing my pubes !

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] [ name ] is making us celebrate president's day with a cake

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] my favorite thing is explaining slang that mom will absolutely hate

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] their old dog looked like a cigarette

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] yeah it's really hard being really good looking all the time

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i'm about to be that asshole that brings their leftovers on a plane

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i have to focus on one weird thing a day or i'll die

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] congrats bunghole i'm proud of you 🥰

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] just so you know : penis .

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

maggot newt pulsifer: the draw battle recap

The maggots asked and the maggots shall receive. Helloo it's the Good Omens Mascot and the uh Maggot Prince (...) anyway it's Asmi and as many of you now know, we have a Discord server. It is called The Official Maggots Server of Doom.

So far, it has lived up to its name, with discussions of whether human flesh is healthy food if locally sourced and consensual, tears about good omens, gartic phone horrors and the infamous Draw Battle Team of Valerie and Coel. If you don't have Discord or weren't there, never fear! That last Incident is the one I am here to recount to you. We all know I love summaries.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE:

Coel @dieamarjla: The Newt Puslifer Maggot, whose phone hanged, nearly burned up, closed several tabs and then gave up on him entirely Valerie @good-usernames-were-taken: His unfortunate teammate I, Asmi @weirdly-specific-but-ok: Their gleeful opponent Vanny @lxvenderjewel: My equally gleeful teammate Vel @orpiknight: Sane person cameo, joined next game Jay @voids-ideas: Joined next game Tefi @patoslover: Gleeful spectator cameo

And so we begin... with the snippets from the Discord channel as the game went on. A lot has been edited out, but rest assured, you are receiving the delicious necessities.

Valerie: GUYS IT'S STARTING Coel: its so over Valerie: COSL PLEASE DRAW Valerie: COEL Valerie: HELLO IM ON YOUR TEAM Coel: oh dear god Coel: im on phone lmao my fingers Valerie: COEL GET BACK HERE Valerie: GUESS Valerie: COEL DONT LEAVE ME KN MY OWN LIKE THIS

Valerie: NO COEL HAS FUCKING VANISHED Coel: wait wbat??

[continues below cut :")]

Coel: gonna vanish from discord cos my phone keeps refreshing my tab Valerie: coel I'm not on your team next time Coel: fair fair idk what im doi g sob Valerie: COEL GUESS Valerie: GUESS COEL Valerie: YOU WRITE WHAT YOU THINK IT IS Coel: I CANT SEE THE THING Valerie: WHAT Coel: MY TAB Valerie: OKAY COEL GET READY Valerie: WE CAN DO THIS Valerie: LETS SHOW THEM Coel: my tab is fucking frozen its stucm on round 3 Valerie: OH MY GOD Coel: im sorry ghfjgngnf Valerie: I GUESSED IT PURELY BASED ON WORD LENGTH Vel: What is happening right now. Coel: i dont know :sobbing Valerie: IM SORRY COEL

Vanny: FUCK Asmi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Valerie: WHOS THE SUCKER NOW Vanny: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS Vanny: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT COEL Valerie: WTF Asmi: WE ARE FAILURES OF THE LOWEST ORDER Vanny: FUCK SORRY Asmi: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Valerie: WHOEVER IS PLAYING FOR COEL HIGH FUCKING FIVE Asmi: WE CAN'T LOSE TO VALERIE Valerie: TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN Valerie: COEL?!?? Coel: link pls it crashed Coel: my phone is having seizures Coel: ghghgjgjgjk Coel: after this ill keep out of the games lmao Valerie: COEL the word is cheeks Valerie: or cheeks Coel: i cant get in bro the link just doesnt open tho theres nothing wrong w it Coel: aaaaaa

[Finally new game is initiated, Vel, terrified, agrees to join, Jay is hesitant] Jay: How much English do I need? HAHAHA Asmi: NONE IF YOU'RE PLAYING AGAINST VALERIE AND COEL IM SO HAPPY Jay: I know how to read them, write them? Idk HAHAHAHAHA Valerie: THATS A STEP UP !! Valerie: no offense coel Valerie: your were brilliant Valerie: your phone have exploded though Coel: yeah it's uncomfy warm now lmaoo Vanny: WAIT IS COEL JOINING Coel: no Valerie: HELP Coel: im literally Newton Pulsifer tonight

And a bonus...

Also, let's go back a bit to what led to this post in the first place, thanks @good-usernames-were-taken... thanks... :")

Vel: oooh we're doing a drawing game Asmi: WELL KIND OF IT'S MORE LAUGHING AT VALERIE GAME Valerie: PLEASE Valerie: SHUT UP Asmi: THERE ARE TEARS IN MY EYES GOOD GOD Tefi: Poor valerie Vanny: I'M LAUGHING SO HAD Valerie: YOU BETTER NOT MAKE A POST ABOUT THIS ON TUMBLR SHAMING ME

...wHaT cAn i sAy eXcEPt yOu'Re wElcOmE, vAlEriE?

[akalikai]

TMAGP EP 22 REACTION (SPOILERS)

"So you just ran away" Lena sweetie my live what else was she meant to do (to be fair, Gwen didn't have to provoke ink5oul)

"Watching figure" yeah OK definitely some Eye creature of sorts I'm rly thinking it's like...The Beholding as a creature or an old archivist

THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY "presumably you didn't get any contact details from them?" "I guess it's slipped my mind as I was fleeing the SUPERNATURAL PSYCHOPATHS!" also Lena I don't think that you were gonna get any contact details regardless that bitch don't seem like they got a phone

Lena genuinely cares about her employees but also she hates paperwork (polar opposite of Elias)

Okay here's the thing right. I kind of get Gwen. She wasn't briefed on how to handle a situation like that, like what was she MEANT to do??? I would be pissed off if shit like that happened and no one gave me any warning (again, though, Gwen also has a tendency to naturally be a bit bitchy so that probably made it worse)

WAIT. HOLD ON MRS. KELLEY?? AM I READING INTO THINGS TOO MUCH OR. GUYS IS LENA MARRIED????

YO GUYS GRANDPA IS BACK

Oh shit okay so they are kind of recreating or continuing Newton's original experiments, seeing as they mentioned an experiment on Canis (which I believe means "dog"). It seems to have been expanded to apes (Hominidae), bunnies (Leoporidae), and old world monkeys (Cercopithecidae). And it seems this researcher is having strange side effects when it comes to his subjects.

"Herr Schmidt" I'm assuming this is German?

Hm, being told to use silver which again is like. Seeming to be a theme. I'm not sure but in the Newton episode, was there silver as well?

Okay for clarification, it seems like "Zeitgeist" is an invisible agent, force, or daemon dominating the characteristics of a given epoch in world history. Einthoven was a Dutch medical doctor and physiologist and he created the first ECG.

Woahhh hold on. So they're talking about severing a bundle of nerves to make it seem like two animals in one body because it messes with sense of self? This kind of makes me think a little of ink5ouls, the way they seemed scared sometimes of what they were becoming and then like. You know. Scary monster let's chase down Gwen and tattoo her against her will.

Hmm okay so this telegraph seems to be directly responding to the researcher's question, not the patient himself. Like it seems like it's Telegraph -> Herr Schmidt's reaction and not Herr Schmidt's thoughts -> Telegraph reaction.

OH. OK. HERR SCHMIDT IS DEAD NOW.

Damn Ursula is awesome she could immediately understand what was happening.

Oh boy. Oh this gonna be bad. Sam is going to find out that Alice was messing with his computer and Sam does NOT seem like the type to be chill with that.

Hm okay so the severing of the nerves might have worked? And perhaps it was like there were 2 people in Herr Schmidt's body? And from what I can tell, they want so badly to get out that they basically BURST out if his head in the deformity from the back of his head? It still doesn't answer WHAT or WHO these two voices are.

Also it makes sense that Augustus is giving something like this because like...pretty sure he's stuck in the computer, probably with jonmartin and they all want out.

Aw man :(((

OH BOY. "You're trying to control me. Again." I wonder if this is referencing their relationship and why they broke up. I can see it, I do think that Alice has a tendency to be controlling out of need to keep everyone around her safe which is pretty different, but I'm on Sam's side here. Taking away his ability to choose just...isn't great.

Yeahhhh Alice seems to have definitely been hoping to rekindle what they might have had but I think the issue seems that she hoped SAM had changed from before while the reason they broke up was because Sam couldn't be with Alice anymore since he felt like she was too controlling. And now that Sam seems to be having a genuine connection with Celia where he feels comfortable and happy, Alice seems jealous.

SHUT THE FUCK UP. OH MY GOD WHAT WHAT WHAT HOLY FUCK HIH WHAT AKDVAKDHWJT E

JONATHAN SIMS AND MARTIN BLACKWOOD????

HEY GUYS WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK HWIAHAOWVEBE RHAJDVAIBDKWBR E

I JUST SCREAMED "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD" WHAT YOU WHAT HUH WHAT

AND THE FACT THAT CELIA MENTIONED THEM BOTH SPECIFICALLY TOGETHER LIKE HELLO???? GUYS IM. WHAT.

I'm sorry shut up this is all I'm gonna be talking about for the next month what the HELL

[chronicallyblyrie]

TMAGP 20 Live thoughts! spoilers ahead

this one is a day late simply because I'm on summer break now and I'm already forgetting what day of the week it is

-I already saw something in the description about ink5oul lets go I'm ready

-okay its our little trio hi guys

-Alice i swear to god fucking LISTEN TO HIM PLEASE

-Who killed it???

-whaaaat??

-Oh shoot is this going back to the ennacting the protocol thingy??

-the government conspiracies are fun though Alice :(

-ah yes the case that made Isaac Newton canon to the TMAGP lore

-no its definitely the same protocol

-WHAAAAT

-oh god its another email from John isnt it

-gibberish email address???

-Okay so Alice does believe in the horrors then???

-I mean yeah Sam she is very right you chose to work for the government that is the most shady thing you can do

-oh so they were trying to end the world AGAIN

-Celia might just be right, its almost like she has PRIOR EXPERIENCE

-yessss keep celia in on this shit show please

-GWEEN

-IN5OUL??

-Oh! tattooing corpses!

-Gwen is not the type for tattoos ink5oul

-"you've got lovely skin" that was a very nikola orsinov line

-Yes the government

-No they want you as an "external"

-Yeah shes new sorry ink5oul

-So they dont even wanna mutilate people with tattoos???

-So somehow having fans made them into an avatar or smth??? im just guessing externals and avatars are basically one in the same

-is this our statement/case for today

-this podcast really makes you look at social media in a different way

-tattooed WHAT

-damn so this is where the fucked up ink comes from that mutilates people right?

-yeah as a tarot lover I can't tell if I'd be pissed off too or if I'd be happy with the tattoo artist giving me a detailed ass sun tattoo after lying and showing me the wrong design

-"ITS BUUUUURNS"

-oh!

-oh so this is how you become an avatar

-guys.. I think I know how to kickstart my youtube career

-I imagine Gwen just standing here rn while listening to this mf yap

-so the tattoos are the ultimate anti-aging skincare

-rather disturbing is probably putting it lightly

-CHEMICAL COCKTAILS??

-were they chloroforming these clients

-mf you get a high on tattooing???

-okay so definitely an avatar, the whole talk of "wanting to make people afraid" and "needing" it is just a fear avatar needing their daily dose of people being horrified

-Oh so thats why they have corpses

-eloquent indeed!

-GWEN THEY ARE GOING TO KILL YOU SHUT TF UP

-WTF

-GWEN IS GONNA GET FUCKING KILLED SHE NEEDED THAT SECURITY

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

I was just scrolling through Instagram and the following question popped into my head:

If Bella never had those hallucinations of Edward in New Moon, would something significant have changed? Or would it just mean that she wouldn’t seek out Jacob?

Alright, let's go through this, I'm intrigued.

Bella Never Hallucinates Edward

Bella's in Port Angeles with Jessica to get Charlie off her back so he won't ship her off to Florida. They have an alright time, by which 'alright' is terrible for Jessica and Bella just hates the whole thing but is too depressed to function. They see the scary biker men, this time, Edward's not there to tell Bella not to go with the scary looking people who resemble her would have been rapists.

I imagine Bella stares at them for a weirdly long moment and Jessica, frowning, tugs Bella away and is very disturbed by the whole thing "Please don't make eye contact with them, Bella". Jessica, however, isn't as wigged out because Bella didn't actually approach them and mostly thinks Edward really fucked Bella up. She is not doing good.

"Maybe we have girl's night at home next time," Jessica reasons, seems more low key for Bella who really looks like she should be staying close to home.

"Yeah sure whatever" I imagine is Bella's reply, as she'll need something to keep Charlie from freaking out and if occasionally doing things with Jessica is it then why not.

As you note, without having hallucinated Edward, Bella has no motivation to endanger herself (first by approaching scary men, realizing this is too spicy, then saying "motorcycles, Edward would hate that"). So, Bella never gets the motorcycles and as a result never thinks of Jacob.

She never approaches him and doesn't befriend him.

I imagine what follows instead is that Bella has increasingly awkward girls nights with Jessica and Angela, and accidental dates with Mike Newton, where she tries to convince Charlie she's great. She's... awesome, but she's not actually getting better because she doesn't even have Jacob in this timeline.

I imagine she still motivates herself to search for the meadow but just gets increasingly lost in the woods without Jacob's help. She may stumble across it as she did in canon, nearly get eaten by Laurent, at which point she's saved by the wolves but even if this happens while she'd now know Victoria is after her sh edoesn't know about the wolves and Jacob isn't close enough to tell her/try to tell her as he did in canon.

Things continue, Bella doesn't jump off a cliff because she doesn't see the La Push guys doing it/isn't hallucinating Edward. As a result..

Probably, what happens, is either Victoria does eventually get to Bella and kills her or else the Volturi get involved as Victoria's building up the newborn army and, since Edward never came and told them he broke the rules, they have no reason to stall the destruction of the army and Victoria herself.

Bella never realizes there was a newborn army or how close Forks came to being wiped out by vampires.

As it is Bella... well, she'll either get better, or she'll continue to spiral into the suicidal behavior we saw in canon. My hope is that, after long enough, as in canon she begins to accept the Cullens will not return and tells Charlie/Renee "I think I need help" rather than what she did in canon (which was conclude she needs to rebound on Jacob to fix her problems).

Edward will likely eventually return, but we don't know when this will be, and when he does... if he'll content himself watching from afar or else will begin intervening in her life and scaring off boyfriends.

But the rest of the plot doesn't happen.

[thekatebridgerton]

Just had a funny she fell first but he fell harder marriage of convenience Kanthony au idea

Anthony goes trough with his plan of marrying a Viscountess purely for convenience reasons and decides that the older sister of the season's diamond.

Kate likes him but upon realizing he is so completely unromantic and actually still plans to keep a mistress after marriage, she decides to be 100% buisnesslike about the arrangement and agrees to not fall inlove with him as long as he gives her leave to do what she wants after marriage. Anthony thinks it's a great idea. So the deal is made.

' you can't fall inlove with me Kate'

' yeah sure, it's not like you're my type anyway'

'Thats right no matter how much you try I can never love you....wait what do you mean I'm not your type?'

' exactly as you heard it, I'm not interested in you, go ahead get a mistress, I'll be here enjoying my life'

'you mean. You're really you're not attracted to me?'

'no, not really, generally I'm not attracted to men who dally with opera singers... Isn't that a good thing '

' yeah suuure...'

'Just to be clear here, even if I don't give you a heir, I still get full use of your money right?'

' I... I guess so'

' great, then let's get married, it's a pleasure doing buisness with you Anthony'

'but ... but...but you sure you won't fall inlove with me'

'Yeah yeah whatever, no falling for you, got it now PENELOPE !!! BESTIE , GET BACK HERE, WE'RE GETTING YOU OUT OF THOSE YELLOW DRESSES AND ANTHONY IS FOOTING THE SHOPPING BILL'

' But Kate, Kate why don't you want me?'

Cue consumate buisness woman Kate focusing on the duties Anthony hired her for aka career Viscountess TM and just living the life she deserves, while Anthony feels increasingly more frustrated at the fact that his super beautiful and smart wife doesn't pay him any attention while he's over here horny as hell.. Kate just thinks he's hot but weird and she ain't tangling herself up in that hot mess, no matter how much Newton and Edwina like him

[where-are-the-spooky-gays-2]

If the other sides didn’t know they were dating, how would you think each of them would react to finding out the two are dating? Including c!thomas

- Vee 💜

Okay this one's a very hilarious thought XD

Remus and Virgil: We're dating

Everyone: What!?

Janus: *just as oblivious as everyone else despite Ree and Vee literally being his best friends* Wow I can't believe you guys didn't know they were dating it was clearly obvious Roman: *struggling to understand* You and Remus? Are dating? Uh yeah one question H O W and W H Y? Patton: Oh? Well if you both make each other happy then I'm happy! Logan: I'll spare you the lecture of how this defies all logic but all I ask is please for the love of Newton keep him under control Virgil Character!Thomas: You guys are literally apart of me how did I not know!?

[anxious-witch]

Inertia 6

Summary: Newton's first law expresses the principle of inertia: the natural behavior of a body is to move in a straight line at constant speed. In the absence of outside influences, a body's motion preserves the status quo.

Jan choose a direction of his life the moment he walked out of his parents house and cut all contact with them. He didn't want anything to do with them, or God anymore. Even his soulmark he wished he could leave behind. But when Nace Jordan joins the band, with a mark matching his own, can Jan keep going the same way he did? Or will the force make him change a direction?

Pairings: Jan Peteh/Nace Jordan

Warnings: Warning for mentions of religions trauma as per usual, but other than that…I think we might not have any other upsetting things here? Shocker, I know

Notes: AO3 link

A couple of things. First of all, this is second to last chapter! Congratulation to everyone who made it this far with me, I cannot believe I actually got this far into this fic. That said, next update might happen on a Sunday rather than a Saturday, due to my uni assignments. I will try my best to make it in time, but y'know, better safe than sorry.

But yeah! Finally, we are getting to some hurt/comfort and some talking! Enjoy it, you've earned it with all the angst

"I'm not too gone to be healed, am I? I'm not too gone am I?"

- Alice Notley, from In The Pines: Poems; "In The Pines,"

Jan slipped back to consciousness slowly. He firstly became aware of how heavy his body felt. Then of how dry his throat was.

He struggled to open his eyes. They were heavier than usual. It reminded Jan of how it felt to fall asleep while crying. Wait…was he crying?

That made his recall the events of the previous night and he jerked upright. Which proved to be a bad idea because he immediately felt his head pound.

"You have water and a pill on the table. I will start making coffee," Kris said, peering from the kitchen.

Every day, Jan was more convinced Kris was an angel. Jan owed him an apology and a hug. Once his head stopped pounding, though.

So he took the pill and drunk the water. Living room was only partially lit up, for which Jan was also grateful. Anything bright certainly wouldn't help.

Kris came back and pressed the warm coffee cup in his hands. His coffee cup. Jan stared at the dark red cup, trying to recall when he started having a cup that was only his in Kris' place.

All the cups in his parents' house were the same. Pure white with a golden circle near the rim. One of them slightly chipped at the rim and Jan used it all the time, until his mother noticed and threw it away.

There was probably something to be said about him liking things that are different, even if they are a little damaged.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," he said, staring at his coffee.

Kris sighed. Out of the corner of his eye, Jan saw him tap his fingers against the couch. His typical nervous gesture.

"I'm sorry I didn't realize things have gotten so bad. I don't-I don't think I ever saw you react the way you did last night. God, Jan, you were terrified and you were paranoid and I-"

Kris took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. For a few seconds he didn't speak at all. Jan would have, but he knew Kris wasn't finished talking. So he stayed quiet, giving Kris time to compose himself.

"I think you need to start seeing a therapist. And you have to talk to Nace. I can be there when you do, but for fuck's sake, Jan. I texted him yesterday after you fell asleep and he wasn't okay."

Jan began picking on his already ruined nail. Kris was right. He knew he was right. But Jan was terrified of this very thing for so long, he wasn't sure he would be able to just face it head on.

"What if I can't?"

He finally met Kris' eyes. His blue eyes that were too clear to hide anything, but always had the ability to burn right through you, to see to the very core of you.

Was it a blue eyes thing? Or did Kris and Jure simply share that trait?

"Yes, you can. You are one of the strongest people I know. But it's not weak to ask for help, Jan. Don't let your parents ruin this for you."

Jan pulled him in a hug. Kris froze, clearly not expecting it, before he melted into the embrace.

"Thank you. For everything."

Kris chuckled, but Jan heard a slight hitch to his breath. Almost like he was tearing up.

"Why do you make it sound like I will never see you again?"

Jan hugged him tighter.

"I should have said it earlier. Although, there is always a plan on moving to Antarctica if everything goes south."

Kris laughed and then he was the one crying. So Jan did the same as Kris did to him last night-he held him. They both felt fragile.

Kris showed emotions more easily than he did, but Jan also thought he never truly let himself experience them to the depth that they really ran. When he cried, he didn't sob, instead letting tears run down his cheek in a manner that seemed almost glorified. Where someone would look at him and still think he was pretty.

Jan preferred to either fall apart fully or not at all.

"You really fucking scared me, you asshole. Don't do that again."

He rubbed Kris' back in slow, comforting motions. His mind was starting to go through possible options, but it was still too clouded with panic for him to come with a solid plan.

"I don't know what to do now," he admitted quietly, "I don't know how to even talk to him. What to tell him."

Kris slowly pulled back, but he still kept his hand on Jan's shoulder.

"Let's go step by step, okay? Go home, eat something. Have a shower. Then call him. Don't text, call him."

Jan made a face. He did hate phone calls with burning passion. They were awkward at the best of circumstances. These were certainly not the best of circumstances.

"I know you hate phone calls. But in these kinds of situations, messages can be easily misread. So call him and set up a time to meet. As for what to tell him...I don't have a better advice than telling him the truth."

Jan buried his face in his hands. The truth? What was the truth at this point? He wasn't even sure he knew himself.

"That's about as helpful as telling me to just breathe underwater."

Kris sighed.

"How about you do the rest first and then look at the situation again? As much as I hate to say it...sometimes you have to jump first and ask questions later."

"Fine," Jan said sourly.

He doubted he'd come up with any better plan just by showering and eating, but he saw no point in arguing. So he hugged Kris one more time and went home. This time with his bag and keys.

He did everything Kris said, but he felt no closer to the solution on how to approach Nace. His phone laid on the table, screen up. Jan stared at it as if it was a time bomb.

Nace didn't try to contact him. Except for few phone calls from yesterday after he ran off, but nothing today. Whatever Kris told him clearly made him wait for Jan's move.

Jan wished he wouldn't. He didn't know what to say.

He grabbed his bag and out his phone in it and then went outside. Perhaps a walk would clear his head.

It was cold and gloomy outside. The fog settled heavy over the city, and Jan only saw few meters ahead as he walked. Still, that didn't stop him.

He walked and walked, until his feet hurt. Then he spotted a nearby bench and sat on it, catching his breath. He still felt lost. He wasn't even sure he knew exactly where he was, as lost in thoughts as he was while he walked.

A sound of church bells snapped him out of it. Jan flinched, looking around with wide eyes. Was he hallucinating again?

But, no. There stood a church, cloaked by the fog. And Jan felt compelled to get closer. So he did.  He got all the way to the church, close to the entrance. Only then he stopped, frozen in place.

He could hear the wait sound of a mass going inside. There was no way he was going inside, but he could listen in. He leaned on the wall of the church and closed his eyes. Just listening.

It was hard to tell how long he stood there, listening in. He was so focused on it he missed the sound of steps approaching him.

"I am sorry, young man?"

Jan's eyes flew open, his heart leaping in his throat. A man stood in front of his, peering at him worriedly. For a brief second, Jan thought he was a priest, but on a second glance he realized he was actually a deacon, his clothes giving him away.

"Um. Right, sorry. I should probably leave," Jan said awkwardly, pushing himself from the wall.

"No, no need. I just thought you might be more comfortable inside. It is quite cold out here."

Jan bit his lip. Dread settled in his gut once again. He didn't think he could make himself go in. Face the inside of the church, the prayer. It was still to raw.

"No, thank you. I don't think I'd be welcome, either way."

"Everyone is welcome into the church."

He couldn't quite stop the sharp, bitter laugh that escaped him.

"Right. Of course. Everyone is welcome as long as they can obey your rules, no?"

Deacon gave him a long, pitying look. Jan felt his skin crawl. If he hated one thing, it was pity. He turned his head away, but before he could walk away, deacon spoke again.

"There are God's guidances, of course, but I wouldn't call them rules. Rules sound so rigid and human life and morality are so easily bent by situations we find ourselves in."

Jan stared at the man before him. He had never, ever heard someone religious, someone connected to the church, speak in such a way. Nace came the closest and even then, it wasn't the same.

"You-so what, "You shall not kill", is simply a guidance?"

Deacon gave him a gentle smile.

"Some are stronger than the others. But in a situation where it is self defense, is that truly a sin? A mother killing someone while protecting her child, is it something that should need forgiving? We are just human, after all."

He swallowed. This felt surreal. Like he was within a dream, and he was talking to his own subconscious.

Whatever it was, the unreality of it made Jan wanted to ask more question. He wanted to know more. He could always walk away, couldn't he?

"So...if almost everything is subjective, how can you know if you are doing a good or a bad thing? How do you...know what's right?"

Deacon patted his own chest.

"Most of us have the ability to feel right or wrong. There are exceptions of course, but there are usually other reasons for it. We all have...inner guidance, so to speak. No matter if you see it as given from God, or simply a part of you, it can help you decide on what's right thing to do."

Jan exhaled slowly, watching his breath curl like smoke in the air. His own chest felt frozen, but as he focused more, he swore he could almost feel a tug. A spot of light.

He needed to go to Nace. To be honest with him. To tell him-

His fear extinguished his hope almost immediately, cloaking him in darkness. Jan squeezed his eyes shut. He was too damaged ti be fixed.

"What if...what if it's too late to do the right thing? What if it's too late to fix me?"

The other man didn't say anything for a moment. The only sound came from a church choir. Jan felt his heart sink.

"It is never too late. Not unless we are dead. And perhaps, not even then."

Jan's hand drifted underneath his hair, to his soulmark. He traced it, almost hesitantly. He did his best to forget it was there for so long, it was odd to acknowledge it.

"I can't be anything other than what I already am."

He opened his eyes to see deacon giving him another soft smile. It was odd, how honest he was being. He supposed the fact that the other man didn't know who he was helped. To him, he could be anyone.

"Have you tried? To be another person?"

Jan furrowed his brows.

"I don't understand."

The deacon nodded.

"We can't become new people overnight. But we can do things that'll help take us in the right direction. Is there anything you can do to fix your mistake right now?"

He took in a deep breath in. Then exhaled slowly.

"I could talk to my soulmate. But I don't know if I can be what he needs."

Jan realized that the right pronouns tumbled from his lips too late. He froze, but the deacon's face didn't change. If he was phased, he didn't show it.

"Well. You can't know unless you talk to him, can you?"

Jan chuckled, almost surprised that he didn't immediately change his answer. What parallel reality did he walk into?

"I suppose not. But won't you tell me that my soulmate can't be a man?"

Deacon shook his head.

"God gives us our soul’s companions for a reason. Who am I to question God's decision of giving you two a soul bond, regardless of the gender?"

He swallowed. There was something else he needed to ask. He always had to keep prodding, didn't he?

"And what if...what if I don't believe in God anymore?"

Deacon reached his hand out and tentatively put his hand on Jan's shoulder. Jan expected to feel uncomfortable, but he wasn't. It was simply a warm touch.

"They are different ways to believe. Some of us need more guidance to get through life. From God, from the church from others. Others simply need to live and be happy. Is it not God's will for all of us to live to our fullest potential, no matter which path we take?"

Jan suddenly found it hard to swallow. His eyes stung and he closed them, willing himself not to cry. He took in a shaky breath.

"Can it really be that simple?"

Deacon squeezed his shoulder gently.

"Life is simple, once we learn to let go of things that weight us down."

Jan took another deep breath before opening his eyes. He met deacon's kind gaze.

"Thank you."

He got a pat on the shoulder before the other man let go.

"We all need a bit of extra guidance sometimes. I wish you your best in your pursuit of happiness."

Jan nodded, a lump in his throat too heavy for him to say anything else. Yet, despite it all, when he turned and began to walk back, he felt lighter than he did in a very, very long time.

He wasn't sure what made him come up directly to Nace's doorstep. He was holding a box of gluten free cookies in hands that he had picked up during his small detour on the way here. Suddenly, he wasn't sure why he had gone to get them at all, but it wasn't important. He was here, at Nace's front door. That was the part that mattered. He could leave the cookies for someone else if Nace didn't want them.

He rang the doorbell before he could change his mind. It echoed through the apartment for a moment, before he heard a sound of footsteps on the other side of the door. Then the door opened.

Nace stood in the doorway. He wore a dark green hoodie and sweatpants, his hair in an unusual disarray. There were dark circles under his eyes and Jan couldn't help but wonder if he slept at all.

"Hi," he said, awkwardly holding up a bag of cookies, "I bought cookies. They are gluten free."

Nace stared at him, unmoving. He opened his mouth and closed it few times before clearing his throat.

"What are you doing here?"

Jan shifted from one foot to the other. It was the moment of truth, he supposed.

"I wanted to talk to you. May I come in?"

There was a brief hesitation before Nace stepped back and allowed Jan to come in. The doors closing with a soft click felt more significant than it should have been.

Jan wordlessly handed Nace the cookies while he took off his boots and a jacket. Nace simply watched him, as if trying to comprehend Jan was really here. He supposed he deserved that.

Nace led him to the dining room instead of the living room. Which was odd, but Jan didn't question it. He got them both glasses of water before sitting across from Jan.

Oh. He choose this because he could face him more directly. Jan let his hair fall over his face a bit, suddenly uncomfortable under Nace's heavy gaze.

"So," Jan said awkwardly, "about yesterday. I'm sorry."

A paused. Nace stared at him, as if prompting him to continue, but Jan didn't know where to begin with explaining himself.

"Is that it? You came here to tell me you are sorry for running off?"

Jan winced. Nace's usual patience seemed to not be present today. Just when Jan needed it the most.

"No. I just-maybe it would be easier if you asked me things and I answered? I don't know where to begin."

Nace chuckled, but not in his usual, heartfelt way. He sounded tired.

"Alright. How about, why the fuck didn't you tell me? You had to know."

Jan shrugged. He felt uncomfortable in a way he didn't in awhile. So he answered the first thing he thought of. His go to answer on the topic.

"Didn't seem that important to me. I don't exactly believe in all that soulmate stuff anyway."

That was clearly the wrong thing to say. Nace's gaze sharpened. His mouth twisted in an angry grimace.

"So what? I am good enough to fuck, but not good enough to be your soulmate?"

"No!"

Jan reached out, to grab Nace's hand, but stopped himself just short of making contact. He let his hand fall back to the table.

"No," he said softer, "that's not how it is at all."

"Then explain to me how it is."

Nace's voice was almost forceful, slamming into Jan's chest like a punch. Jan closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on that little shed of hope he still held.

"I lied. I don't see soulmates as bullshit I just-I wish I did. I wish I could not care at all and that I could hate you and that by refusing you by refusing this make my parents be wrong."

He took in a shaky breath. Nace didn't say anything so he continued.

"Because feeling like I was incomplete without you, without some divine intervention seems so fucked up to me. Because I choose to play in a band because my parents didn't approve and didn't like that it took away from my time in the church. And yet that being a thing that led me to you is so frustrating! Did I have any free will at all?"

Jan finally opened his eyes again, taking in Nace's expression. Nace was pale, and his brows furrowed, probably trying to follow his thought process.

"Alright. So let me see if I got this right. Your parents had harmful religious views on soulmates so you don't want to even consider this, us, because you feel like you had no choice in the matter?"

That wasn't quite a fair assessment of what he said, but Nace wasn't entirely wrong, either. As much as Jan wanted to fix things, it was hard to get past the feeling of helplessness.

"I'm-not quite but I suppose that's a gist of it. I don't have anything against you, not really. But I hate not having a choice in any of this."

Nace lifted one eyebrow.

"You mean, like not giving me any real choice in the matter by not telling me a very important detail?"

Fuck. That wasn't fair.

"That's not the same."

Nace shrugged.

"Isn't it?"

Jan struggled with what to say to that. Isn't it the same? Was he truly taking away his choice in all of this?

"Let me ask you something. Did you find me attractive when we first met? Ignore the soulmark, ignore everything else."

He swallowed, blush slightly painting his cheeks as he remembered Martin's comment about him checking out Nace during their first encounter. He definitely found him attractive from the start.

"Yes."

"And if there was no soulmark involved, would you have acted upon it at some point?"

His answer came in an instant. Absolutely. Jan was certain of it. He still would have taken some time to observe Nace, but without having to be cautious of the soulmark, he would have certainly acted earlier.

"Yes."

Nace leaned in, his breath ghosting over his face and Jan had the urge to pull him even closer. Instead, he was frozen in place, staring at those dark eyes.

"So by insisting on hating me, you are, in fact flat out refusing for anything to happened between us because of the soulmark. Not because you don't like me. How is that a natural choice on your part?"

Jan could hear his own blood ringing in his ears. Felt his heartbeat. Thud, thud, thud. It sounded like everything around him crashing down.

"I-" he swallowed, then cleared his throat, but no words came.

Nace waited patiently, simply looking at him. Like he didn't just pull the foundations of his world apart with few sentences.

"God, Nace," he said at last, "What do you want?"

"I want you to stop hiding behind the excuse of having no control and work with me. I can't help you unless you let me. So please do tell me what is your actual problem with me."

Jan worked his jaw. He focused on his nails. He reapplied the nail polish on his left hand yesterday, so it was perfect. Too perfect. He began to peel it off.

Then Nace reached out and covered his palms with his own, stopping his movements. Jan froze.

"Tell me," Nace urged, his softer now.

That finally made Jan snap.

"I can't give you what you want, alright? There was no point in giving you false hope about it."

Silence. Nace's mouth slightly fell open before he managed to scold his face into a more neutral expression. Jan felt more uncomfortable than he possible ever did in his life.

That thought kept bothering him on his way to here, though. Even if he was willing to do this, he could never do it in a way traditional to soulmates. He simply couldn't.

"And what is that you think that I want?"

Nace's voice was leveled. Controlled. Almost too controlled. He was definitely holding his emotions back. Jan just couldn't quite tell what those emotions were, at the moment.

Still. He owed him the truth, at the very least.

"You are a simple man. You want to settle down, have your secure little fairy tale with someone you love. Maybe even a family. I can't give you that."

So many emotions flickered over Nace's face. Disbelief, anger, hurt. Jan looked away.

"Did I ever say that's what I want?"

Jan sighed. He tried to pull his hands away from Nace's, but Nace tightened his hold on them.

"No. But I overheard you and Bojan talking about soulmates several times."

"Hypotheticals are different than the actual situations."

Jan rolled his eyes. He completely turned his head away this time. Clearly, this conversation wasn't leading anywhere.

Nace grabbed his chin. Jan froze, expecting it to hurt, for Nace to forcefully drag him into a kiss. Instead, Nace gently turned his head back towards him.

"Listen to me. I am only asking for a chance to get to know you. For you to get to know me, before you make any judgments."

His eyes shone with determination and now Jan couldn't look away.

"You fascinate me and you frustrate me and I want to know what you think and how you think. I want to get to know you properly. Can you at least give me a chance for that? No promises need to be made, just that we'll try. See where it goes. Maybe we work better as friends. That's also fine. But we won't know unless you give it a chance. Does that sound reasonable?"

Jan nodded slowly. He breathe through the panic rising in his chest. Somewhere, deep inside him, he knew that whatever this will involve into, won't be just friendship. But it was far too early to say that.

"Yeah, alright."

And Nace smiled, like a light shining at the end of a dark street. It was soft, almost hesitant smile.

"Alright."

It was a start.