#//[UNCLE]: HOLY HELL INTERN GET ME ONE OF THESE

[ips-northstar-official]

hello! recently, I've made the decision to (with various mounting augmentations from GMS) mount a combat drill on a Caliban, then strap a Nelson's thermal charge to the drill, and give the whole thing enough ramjets and boosters to send any poor chump in front of or behind the whole affair directly to christ-the-buddha.

the question is, and I ask this for liability issues, does this now count as a manned siege projectile? and what restrictions are placed on the use of one of your lovely frames as a ship-to-ship burrowing cruise missile?

eagerly awaiting your reply, as the creative application of a mechanized force multiplier may be necessary in the near future.

yours sincerely, Experimental Pilot/Construct ARCHIVIST.

Hello ARCHIVIST! You’ve put together quite the use case for a Caliban—while we never anticipated it, this kind of creativity among our end users is something we’re always excited to see!

According to our legal team, if that chassis is maneuverable in space to the point it doesn’t need external engine mounts, it would constitute not a siege missile but rather a boarding craft or bomber, depending on the specifics of the paperwork you need to fill out.

Because of this, their only recommendation to stay in-line with current regulations is to ensure whatever crazy SOB you ask to pilot such a Caliban isn’t forced to do so. As long as they’re a willing pilot, you should legally be in the clear.

We look forward to hearing how it goes!

[tgmsunmontue]

Take more chances, dance more dances 2/2

~12k EXPLICIT Hangster AU Meet!Cute with Jake as the best man at Natasha and Javy's wedding and Bradley is the instructor teaching them how to dance... (Side Mav/Cyclone (and vaguest hints of Javy/Nat/Bob if you're looking))

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

                They didn’t exchange numbers, there was no need to when there’s already been an email with Bradley’s number right there on the bottom. He enters it into his phone and adds a couple of eggplant emojis because he’s nothing if not honest with himself about what he’s entering the number into his phone for. He doesn’t send a message though, he entered his own number into the sign-up sheet when he did the health and safety forms. Bradley can also contact him if he wants.

                He can wait a couple of days.

                Maybe.

…             …             …

                “What are you drinking?” Jake asks, taking a sip from the side.

                “It’s a mojito…”

                Huh. That’s the smell of the body wash Bradley uses. Just the scent has his dick stirring in his pants and he can’t believe he’s somehow developed a Pavlovian response to a scent combo from one time.

…             …             …

                It’s been niggling at the back of his head, what Natasha Trace had said, about wanting to bring their wedding forward. Jake talking about needing a grateful to be alive connection and he wonders. There is a lot that Mav can’t and won’t tell him, but he’d kind of hoped the days of him nearly dying while flying were over. Apparently not. He’s already dealt with too much in the last two months; the phone call about Mav being missing and Ice’s funeral. And now there’s a third thing. Of course there is. These things always come in fucking threes, even if Mav is clearly alive and well.

                He needs to talk to Mav.

                He has nothing in his schedule until after lunch, the morning meant to be for personal practice and yoga and choreography for the students he’s coaching at competition level. None of that is important though, he needs to reassure himself that Mav is in fact alive and well and he pulls up out front of his house twenty minutes later.

                “Bradley, hey buddy. Wasn’t expecting to see you today.”

                “I know. I just needed to see you though. See that you’re alive.”

                Mav’s eyes go sharp at that, and Bradley knows, knows they have both had nightmares about his dad dying. His own nightmares morphed into Mav dying. And he’s lost his mom and Ice to cancer. He has Mav and Aunty Sarah and Uncle Slider and their kids but…

                “You almost died on your last mission huh?”

                “What? How did you – Why do you think that?”

                “Call it an educated guess, which you just confirmed. What the fuck Mav… I’ve already had to deal with one phone call telling me that you were fucking missing and then find out you almost died on a different mission? When you told me you were going to start taking it easy this isn’t what I envisioned!”

                “I’m retiring.”

                The quick statement pulls him up and stops his internal rant.

                “What?”

                “Two ejections… almost dying more than once. Losing Ice. I think those days are all behind me.”

                “Two ejections! You won’t be cleared to fly again anyway. Holy shit. You’re like a fucking cat. It’s a wonder your skeleton isn’t rattling itself out of your body… fucking hell…”

                “Yeah well. It’s a little harder to get moving in the morning now.”

                “Yeah, I bet. You should start doing yoga with me.”

                “Well, I’ll have time. What with the whole retiring thing…”

                “I’ve heard those words before,” he says, still skeptical.

                “I mean them this time…”

                Bradley hums, takes in the somber expression on Mav’s face and realizes he might actually be serious.

                “Okay… well. I’ve got plenty of stuff you can help with.”

                “I haven’t suddenly gotten better at dancing.”

                “I wasn’t asking you to dance. Pretty sure you can fix my aircon unit though…”

                “Yeah, I can take a look at it.”

…             …             …

                The next time the four of them walk into the dance studio he has a better idea of what to expect. Has been anticipating it since he left Bradley’s apartment on Monday night. What he doesn’t expect is the freezing Arctic temperature. It’s not that hot outside. They’re going to need to go and get jackets.

                “Hey guys, sorry about the temperature. We had someone look at the aircon, and they got it working but broke the thermostat so it’s either stuck on cooling or heating and we have no control over anything in between. I’ll turn it off now,” Cheryl says, and she’s wearing a puffer jacket and walking toward the control panel. She’s also wearing dance attire, a short sparkly dress, probably fairly revealing on top which has lead to the puffer jacket. Definitely not what she’d been wearing on Monday and he wonders what class is happening later that warrants her wearing it. Wonders what Bradley might be wearing. He spies him coming through the door then, and unfortunately it’s simply black pants and t-shirt, although Jake has to admit he does make it look good.

                “Hey guys, good to see you again,” he greets, gives Jake a slow smile which makes him feel warm. Yeah. “Have you guys practiced your steps?”

                They have, one night with probably too much alcohol involved for it to be beneficial, but they’re not difficult steps. Bradley takes them through them, corrects them a little but is pretty complimentary on the whole.

                “So we’re going to partner up tonight. Nat, you and Javy obviously. Bob, you’ll dance with Cheryl. Jake… you’re with me.”

                Of course there are eye rolls, smirks and snorts but Jake doesn’t fucking care. He’s not ashamed that he’s had sex with Bradley, and clearly Bradley isn’t ashamed, just gives Jake a wink that tells him he’s maybe remembering their night together.

                Dancing with Bradley feels like foreplay, his body reacting without his permission and Bradley seems to know it too. Asshole. His hands brush over Jake just a little longer than necessary, his eyes falling to Jake’s lips and god he wants. He’s definitely supporting a half-chub, knows Bradley knows it, with all the times he’s brushed up against Jake for no reason, because the waltz doesn’t fucking call for body contact like that. He knows that much. As Bradley pauses, walks them through the steps, the corner-turns, Jake lets his mind wander. Bradley’s apartment is upstairs, scene of the crime as it were, and neither of them have messaged, but there’s interest there. He didn’t think he’d feel this horny after getting such a good lay on Monday, but apparently his body knows when he’s onto a good thing.

                “You got another class after this?” Jake asks as they turn into and out of a corner, and he can’t remember the steps exactly, but Bradley is very easy to lead.

                “Sure do.”

                “Want me to come back around finishing time?”

                “Or we could go upstairs and use my thirty-minute break far more creatively than I would otherwise.”

                “Yeah?”

                “Oh yeah…”

                He somehow manages the rest of the lesson without getting fully erect or dry-humping Bradley while dancing. He hopes Javy and Nat appreciate how much restraint he’s showing. Of course it doesn’t stop them sending him knowing looks when he says he’ll see them later, flicks them a one-fingered salute and heads toward the door he knows leads to Bradley’s apartment. Can hear Bradley coming up the stairs behind him, his hand reaching around to push open the door to his apartment, guiding Jake in with his body.

                Bradley doesn’t waste any time, drops to his knees and is deftly working Jake’s belt and jeans open, tugging them down, mouth already letting out puffs of warm air on Jake’s exposed skin.

                “Jesus fuck…”

                “We’re on a time crunch, don’t even think of holding back okay?”

                He doesn’t bother answering, just nods, because holding back wasn’t an option considering how he’s been half-hard for the last hour, far harder now with Bradley’s mouth brushing along the sensitive skin of his cock. Then there’s the tear of foil and a condom being rolled down and his cock is encased in tight hot heat as Bradley’s mouth follows the roll of latex down.

                “Fuck…”

                Bradley just hums, the gentle vibration magnifying as it travels through Jake’s body until he’s also vibrating with pleasure. He’s at Bradley’s mercy, his fingers stroking at Jake’s balls, mouth sucking hard, with distinct purpose and he lets himself just sink into the sensations. Enjoy the confident movements of a man who knows and wants to bring about pleasure as fast as fucking possible. He jerks as Bradley swallows around him, the heat and pressure ramping up for the briefest of moments before it’s back to rapid sucking. He’s not getting the opportunity to settle into any rhythm and he can appreciate the commitment Bradley clearly has to getting this over and done with as quickly as possible.

                He doesn’t let himself feel embarrassed by how quickly he comes, hopes Bradley takes it as a compliment that Jake is as clearly as goal focused as he is and he whines and reaches for Bradley, wants to return the favor rather desperately.

                “Uh uh. I’m going to save this for later… if you’re going to be here later. You can stay. If you want. Have a nap or shower and then we can have round two when I’m finished.”

                “Sounds perfect, I’ll wait here,” Jake says, letting himself slump against the wall so his legs will have less to worry about regarding balance and keeping him upright.

                “Help yourself to the food in the fridge and freezer.”

                “Wait, what are you going to eat?”

                “I’m going to slam back a protein shake and a banana, brush my teeth and hope like hell Cheryl hasn’t already blabbed about what I’ve been up to. I’ll see you later.”

                He gives Jake a quick kiss, his smirk clearly amused as Jake just stands there, dazed, his cock still out and wrapped, jeans around his knees and likely looking as blown away as he feels. He realizes quickly, once Bradley’s clearly gone. That he’s pretty much trapped, either he walks through the dance studio to exit the building, or he just stays where he is.

                Round two it is then.

                Easiest decision ever.

…             …             …

                “So how did you get into dancing anyway?” Jake asks him, looking thoroughly wrecked and Bradley approves of the look.

                He’d come up from his class, really needing a shower, to find Jake already in said shower, stretching himself open. It had taken a matter of minutes of Jake’s hands and mouth on him for him to be hard, enough time to feel suitably rinsed off and then they’d been back in bed. And now Jake is making conversation as opposed to running for the door and he approves of that too.

                “Ha. It’s… Well. I was an idiot and took my step-dad’s bike, crashed it and almost killed myself. I had a lot of rehab. A lot. Swimming and dancing were the ones which made me feel like I could get back to enjoying life again. And it turned out that dancing and music were just something that came easy to me.”

                “A natural huh?”

                “I guess. My mom was a dancer.”

                “Dancers do have a lot going for them…”

                Bradley snorts in amusement, because that’s not the worst pick-up line he’s heard, but it’s close. Jake doesn’t need to use pick-up lines though, he’s already in Bradley’s bed.

…             …             …

                It carries on like that for a couple of weeks, Jake simply hanging around after his lesson, them falling into bed after Bradley’s class. They end up hooking up three, four or even five times a week, always after Bradley is finished with his classes. It’s been a long time since he’s had so much sex, so regular. It’s super convenient and Bradley finds he also enjoys Jake’s company, when he deigns to stay a little longer. He doesn’t mind the whole getting sex on the regular, but is a little surprised when he enters the dance hall and sees Jake loitering near the water cooler.

                “Hey. Didn’t expect to see you today.”

                “Javy and Phoenix are doing cake tasting. Which seems a little weird considering his favorite is strawberry-vanilla and hers is chocolate. Just… I don’t understand weddings.”

                “You and me both, although I’m glad they often feature a first dance. Keeps me busy.”

                “And are you? Busy that is?”

                “Well, I actually have a community class today. It’s a free dance lesson and anyone can come along. I get a lot of kids. You don’t have to hang around.”

                “And if I want to?”

                “Well, I won’t stop you.”

                The room fills with dozens of people, most of them kids but none younger than about six or seven actually come onto the dance floor part of the room. There’s plenty of parents sitting on this side, keeping the younger kids entertained. He usually does two circles of dancers, one inner and one outer but he glances over at Jake and remembers their first meeting.

                “In honor of my friend Jake here I thought we’d do a little line dancing today, which is his specialty. Him and I will show you a demonstration and then we’ll see what we can teach you okay?”

…             …             …

                Jake laughs and shakes his head, because he hasn’t done line dancing properly in years, but he did do it for many many years, is still dragged out every time he goes home and he remembers everything; his parents wouldn’t let his forget this big a part of their family tradition and time together. Easy as breathing. Just not something he usually broadcasts, but he’s going to enjoy this.

                “Four wall dance to a thirty-two count? No hooks, no bridges? Right?”

                That gets Bradley attention and Jake smirks at the flash of arousal he sees in Bradley’s eyes. He was right, dancing does turn him on. Jake is prepared to rock his world if he’s going to think making Jake do a little line dancing is going to make him uncomfortable. He’s got tone on this type of dancing if nothing else.

                “You’ve been holding out on me Lieutenant…”

                “I haven’t been holding out at all.”

                Bradley throws his head back and laughs, delighted and Jake grins, pleased with himself.

                “Okay everyone, we’re going to let Jake show us his fancy foot work, I’m going to try and keep up with him, and then we’ll show you something you can all learn. Sound good?”

                There’s a little cheer, and this is obviously the format that Bradley uses every time and Jake shakes out his shoulders and rolls his neck, loosening up, wondering what music Bradley is going to put on, trusts him to know what will make a more interesting demo anyway. When the first words announce Good time he barks out a laugh. Of course. He gestures to the empty space beside him, quirks his eyebrow at Bradley expectantly. Bradley steps in, accepts the challenge Jake is laying down and fuck this is fun.

                He counts in and kicks off, seeing Bradley following out of the corner of his eye, and as he steps, kicks and toe struts his way through the first quarter-turn. He says the moves, broadcasting what he’s about to do give Bradley a chance to keep up and he does; grinning the whole time and Jake had forgotten how much fun this is. He adds more complexity as soon as Bradley seems to have got it, changing from wall to wall although he keeps the primary steps the same, knows Bradley might try and teach this and wants to give him a chance of it making it look a little similar. The song is only five minutes long, comes to an end far sooner than he’d like, is enjoying dancing like this with Bradley and he’s enjoying it too if the look he’s giving Jake is anything to go by. He’d thought he’d seen all of Bradley’s bedroom eyes after three weeks but this is a new one.

                “Holy shit, you can dance. Fuck you’re hot when you move like that… no wonder you’ve picked up the waltz so easily.”

                “You think so huh?”

                “God yes. You able to stay? Want you to fuck me.”

                Jake doesn’t know if he’s ever going to quite get used to Bradley just blatantly stating what he wants, no coy games or making him guess.

                “Yeah, okay. We can do that.”

                “Good. Now I have to get through the rest of this session with a semi, so thanks for that.”

                “You’re welcome darlin’, anytime…”

                “Promises promises,” Bradley says, walking backwards away from Jake but his grin is lascivious and he is indeed noticeably half-hard in his pants.

…             …             …

                He’s ready to kill him. He’s somehow fixed and re-broken the AC. Decided the water cooler needed upgrading, which has resulted in them now having to hire a replacement until a proper repair man comes. Bradley’s car needed an oil change, which had gone smoothly, but then he’d decided to tune it, and of course it’s now in pieces. He’s lucky he can walk pretty much everywhere he needs to go.

                “Mav, seriously, what is up with you? You need to find something to do which isn’t breaking everything of mine that you touch. Please.”

                “I’m bored.”

                “Yeah, no shit. Surely there’s someone else you can annoy.”

                The expression on Mav’s face breaks his heart and fuck, he realizes it’s usually Ice that Maverick annoyed and he reaches for him, hugs him, feels guilty that he hadn’t realized earlier.

                “I miss him too. Have you thought about going and helping Sarah with her grandkids though? Would that help?”

                “Maybe. They make me feel old.”

                “Mav… “

                “Don’t say it.”

                Bradley huffs, gives Mav a quick squeeze and steps away, ignores the quick swipe Mav takes at his eyes.

                “You want to come to the wedding with me? They’ve given me a plus-one.”

                “You mean Javy and Natasha’s wedding?”

                “Yeah. Is there another wedding coming up that I should know about?”

                “No… but I’m not going as your plus one. Take Hondo. Even Beau would be a better option than me…” Oh. There’s an idea. “Actually, you want to do something truly scary Mav? Ask Beau to be your plus-one to the wedding.”

                “Cyclone isn’t interested in me like that.”

                “What, so he might say no? Is the great Maverick Mitchell a little scared of rejection?” Bradley goads, because he learnt from Ice that one of the best ways to get Mav to do something was tell him he either couldn’t, or he’d somehow fail if he did. And Bradley has a pretty good hunch that Beau won’t say no.

…             …             …

                “Uh, so I know it’s really late notice, but I was wondering if you’d come to the wedding as my date…”

                Bradley laughs and shakes his head, looks up then and realizes Jake has taken that the wrong way, expression shuttering to cool indifference and he doesn’t want that. He presses himself against Jake, nibbles on his ear and kisses along his jaw and enjoys the fine scrape of stubble against his lip.

                “I actually already got asked to be someone’s plus one to the wedding. Just this morning in fact…” Bradley says, rolling his hips against the swell of Jake’s ass. “And I turned them down. Was sort of hoping for a better offer…”

                “Oh?” Jake asks, and he sounds curious and Bradley pulls back so he can see his grin.

                “Yeah… and yes. I’d like to go with you.”

                “Glad to hear it…”

…             …             …

                Bradley is happy with how they look, their last practice before the actual wedding day in three days and they’re gliding across the floor beautifully. Natasha and Javy seem relaxed and happy, their respective sisters here for this final lesson and Jake and Bob look equally good although he misses dancing with Jake himself. He’s a little surprised when they switch partners, Bob suddenly switching to dance with Javy, who has clearly been learning how to both lead and be lead. Jake takes Natasha and the sisters pair off, one of them also taking the lead and he feels a little in the dark about the whole thing but he’s not disappointed. He could have helped if he’d known this was something they wanted.

                He chances a quick glance at Jake, who’s just looking softly pleased with the whole thing and he wonders if it was a bit more spur of the moment. There’s learning to do something with no intention of ever showing anyone, and then doing this. It’s not like it’s their actual wedding reception, however he’s starting to get an inkling that maybe it would be fine if it was. They switch partners again, this time Bob with Natasha and Jake with Javy. Jake is now being lead and he feels a flash of what he thinks is annoyance and he’s not sure what he’s annoyed about exactly. Then Jake is peeling off and grinning at him.

                “You wanna take me for a spin?”

                “You know I do…” Bradley says, and then he’s leading Jake across the floor in a waltz, and Jake’s not as practiced as he is when he’s leading, but it’s still passable and Bradley realizes that he’d maybe been jealous rather than annoyed. Huh.

                “I don’t have a class tonight. There’s a two-week break. Was wondering if you maybe wanted to go and get dinner?”

                “You mean you eat proper food? Not just protein shakes?”

                “Shut up, my main meal is lunch because I have more time to cook during the day. You want to go and eat or not?”

                “Think I can be persuaded.”

…             …             …

                Natasha and Javy manage to get him alone, asking him if he’d like to attend their wedding and he laughs, says he’s already coming and wonders briefly why Jake hasn’t told them he’s got Bradley coming as his date. Both sets of eyebrows go up when he tells them and he’s not sure how to take it.

…             …             …

                He didn’t know if they were going to be wearing their dress uniforms or suits, but clearly they’ve gone with suits and Jake looks drop dead gorgeous. He looks good normally, but in a form-fitting suit he is stunning. Everyone else looks good too, all of them unfairly good looking really, but it’s Jake that holds his attention and he realizes then that maybe he’s starting to fall a little in love. That wasn’t his plan, and he feels a little disconcerted, because Jake will be leaving. Will forget him and just move on to better and brighter things, far away from Bradley. He needs to be realistic and prepare for that eventuality.

                The wedding ceremony is late in the day on a Thursday, held in a small chapel not far from the base and he’s had to get a ride from Beau and Mav, which is amusing (for many reasons, not least Beau insisting on driving) however also annoying, seeing as his car is still not functional; or in one piece. The ceremony is quick but sincere, he likes the fact that both Javy and Natasha have a best-man and a bridesmaid each, clearly not holding to any particular traditions or societal expectations. There’s about fifty people in attendance, and having spent so much time with the wedding party over the last four weeks he actually feels like he knows them quite well, although Bob is wearing a ring on his ring finger and he would swear he never wore one before.

                Natasha and Javy almost run up the aisle in their delight, their best men following behind them and Jake winks at him as he goes past, he rolls his eyes but can’t resist smiling. The bride and groom’s sister follow much more sedately, looking bemused at the whoops of congratulations happening from excitable family and friends. There are photos outside, Bradley stands off to the side with Mav and Beau, although Mav gets called up to have photos with the bride and groom, and then Beau is called up as well. He’s glad he just gets called up for a large group photo and then he expects the wedding party to disappear for more photos but instead they’re all heading to the restaurant of a hotel for dinner and he finds himself back in the backseat of Beau’s car again.

…             …             …

                The function room is nicely set out, a sliding divider-wall making the room smaller and more intimate. There’s a decently sized dance floor to one side, decorations and flowers and this feels far more traditionally wedding-like and he suspects it’s the hotels doing rather than personal preference on behalf of either Natasha or Javy. He leaves Mav and Beau as soon as he can, grabs a glass of champagne and walks in any direction that is away from them, stilted conversation and all. It’s weird hearing them try to be polite to each other.

                “I forgot you said that Mav was a family friend…” Jake says, coming up beside him and Bradley opens his mouth and then shuts it again. Looks across to Mav who is still awkwardly talking with Beau who looks either amused or terrified, Bradley’s not actually sure.

                “Uh… Yeah. I mean… he is. But… didn’t he tell you?”

                “Tell me what?” Jake asks, also looking towards Mav, eyebrow quirking upwards as he takes in the fact he’s almost touching Beau with his hand, clearly uncertain, which is an odd look on him. They’ve been dancing around each other for fucking years, and not literally dancing, if it had been actual dancing they would have fucked by now. He knows Beau has been unable to do or say anything with the differences in rank, but now that Mav is officially retired he’s hopeful that maybe they’ll both come to their collective senses. “Did they come together?”

                “Yeah, with me in the backseat. This is their first date. Mav is like my dad.”

                “What?”

                “Uh… which part?”

                “You came with them… and this is their first – wait. Maverick is your dad?”

                “No. My dad was his RIO. Mav is my godfather, though he pretty much raised me after my dad died. I can’t believe you didn’t know. Shit. Sorry. I seriously thought he would have mentioned it. I would have mentioned it if I had thought you didn’t know.”

                “No… just the whole family friend thing.”

                “Well, that’s not wrong either, it’s just not quite the whole picture. Anyway, Mav has been bored out of his mind since he retired. He took my car and it’s now in fucking pieces at his hangar, leaving me without a car. And those two have been… antagonistic toward each other, for years, and I was pretty sure it was unresolved sexual tension and watching them now, I know it was.”

                “That explains some things.”

                “Does it?”

                “Yeah. Pretty sure if Admiral Simpson said the sky was blue Mav would somehow disagree just to annoy him…”

                “Oh yeah. Mav annoys the people he loves. It’s a thing with him. Beau doesn’t know what’s going to hit him.”

                “Can I just say hearing you call Admiral Simpson by his first name will never not be weird.”

                “Well, before he died I used to call the COMPACFLT Uncle Ice, or Uncle Tom, so let that rock your world.”

                Jake looks suitably weirded out and Bradley grins, takes a sip of his drink.

                “How many Admirals do you know?”

                “More than any civilian should probably. Maybe ten?”

                “Definitely too many.”

                They get through the dinner, speeches which are thankfully short, then he’s watching the first dance, feeling proud as Javy and Natasha glide beautifully across the floor. After their first circuit around the dance floor the rest of the wedding party joins them. Another circuit and then it’s an open invitation and just like they’d done at their last practice, Natasha and Bob dance together while the sisters pair up and Jake and Javy navigate around the floor. He lets them do one lap and then he moves, aiming for Jake with purpose, cutting in smoothly, gets a slap on the back from Javy.

                “Having fun?”

                “Think it’s one of the nicest weddings I’ve been to,” Bradley admits, and he realizes that Jake has been leading him to the edge of the dance floor and he’s a little disappointed. He enjoys dancing, especially with Jake; although the column Jake is now leaning against does offer some potential possibilities that immediately flood his mind.

                “Thanks for agreeing to come with me.”

                “I’m sure we can come together later too…”

                “Way to lower the tone… real classy.”

                “We just waltzed around the room, that was classy enough,” Bradley says, because if he can’t dance with Jake then he’ll take up his other favorite activity, turning him on. He shifts slightly, looks around and then moves his hand across the front of Jake’s pants, a casual movement to any onlooker, but definitely not casual for Jake, the quick firm press of Bradley’s hand on his cock making him look a little scandalized and Bradley can’t help but laugh.

                “You wanna try me pretty boy?” Bradley asks, knowing Jake likes pushing boundaries as much as Bradley enjoys laying them down.

                “Yeah, but time and place. Best friend’s wedding… probably not the place? Or the time?”

                “They’re all paying attention to the bride and groom. Trust me. You’ve got all my attention.” Jake shifts and Bradley is pretty sure he’s getting turned on. Good. “You’ve always got my attention.”

                Jake doesn’t say anything, but there’s a little hitch to his breathing, enough to tell him that Jake’s definitely getting hard. He’s had weeks of learning his body and reactions in bed, so the only thing different now is the fact they’re fully dressed and surrounded by people.

                “Forgot to say, you look absolutely fucking gorgeous.”

                He turns his body slightly, pretending to want to look out over the dance floor, but the jut of his thigh and hip brush against Jake’s groin with intent and he hides a pleased grin as he hears Jake moan.

                “You planning on keeping me on edge all night?”

                “Honey, this isn’t anywhere near an edge, this is just me teasing you… I think I’ll go and dance for a bit, let you collect yourself.”

…             …             …

                He watches as Bradley goes to cut-in, this time it’s Javy’s sister, the accomplished dancer and she moves fluidly with Bradley, definitely looking good and it doesn’t help his burgeoning erection at all. The man can move and he fucking knows it, showing off when he knows Jake is watching.

                “So, Bradley huh?”

                He freezes, blood running cold. And yeah. That’ll do it. Maverick.

                “Uh, what was that Mav?”

                “Bradley. You’re the one he’s here with. He refused point blank to consider coming as my plus one.”

                “Think your plus-one is happy you asked him…” Jake says, seeing Admiral Simpson dancing with Phoenix. He looks at Mav and then notes the blush, just the barest hint of pink and he wouldn’t have caught it except for the fact that he’d also shifted and ducked his head, looking fucking bashful of all things and Jake wonders just how much dating experience this man has.

                But then he realizes that Bradley got asked by Mav to be his plus-one, not some other person like he’d thought, but his father figure and something inside him relaxes, just a little. He could have asked, but he’s not used to asking for what he wants and he’d desperately wanted to know. And now he does. He somehow manages to make small talk with Mav until Admiral Simpson comes over and invites Mav to dance with him. He’s quickly rejoined by Bradley, who is watching Mav and Admiral Simpson with a slightly horrified expression.

                “What? What’s wrong?”

                “Mav cannot dance at all.”

                “I don’t think Admiral Simpson cares…” Jake states as he watches the two of them just sway and watch each other while trying to look like they’re not watching each other. He’s pretty sure he’s blushing from the secondhand embarrassment.

                “You know I was thinking, I wouldn’t mind edging you, working you up until you’re so desperate to come you cry for me… Think you’d look very pretty like that.”

                Jake remembers Bradley saying a similar thing their first night together and he’s never been with someone with that level of patience. Or the patience to put up with him whining about wanting to come. He feels that Bradley would likely gag him to stop him whining and the little sound that escapes him at just the thought is quiet, but Bradley definitely catches it, head turning immediately, eyebrow quirking up and smile slow as he realizes that Jake is apparently very much into the idea.

                “Mmm. Shame we can’t really explore that right now. This is not the time or place. And we can’t leave before the bride and groom.”

                “I can go and tell them to leave?”

                Bradley laughs, angles his head to kiss at his neck just above his collar and he can’t believe that this is just Bradley being playful. Fuck.

                “Won’t hurt you to practice some patience. Think you’ll need it.”

…             …             …

                He dances with everyone who seems like they want to dance, meets grandparents and parents, friends, and colleagues and tries to ensure everyone has a good time. Every time he sees Jake alone he takes him for a dance, makes sure the music suits either the waltz they know, or is something close to what Jake can confidently dance to. He finds the music, controlled by a guy called Mikey, and asks him to queue up Good Time, quickly lets Natasha, Javy and Bob know he’s going to organize a line dance, and they’re all enthusiastic. He drags Jake into the center front to help lead and then he has nearly everyone present dancing, tapping and stepping to the music; laughter when they get it wrong but he feels high on the enjoyment of everyone around him.

                Between each couple of dances with others he returns to Jake, runs his hand down his arm, kisses his neck or cheek softly, leaves him talking with whichever guest he’s trying to hold a conversation with before he goes back to dancing, confident that Jake is getting more and more wound up. The idea of taking him apart and watching him unwind all in one go has his own arousal simmering away lowly.

                Finally Natasha and Javy are walking around and saying goodbye to everyone. There’s no bouquet toss or garter thing, instead the bouquet is handed to Natasha’s grandmother very carefully, who pats her cheek and then gives her a shooing gesture with her free hand. She clearly doesn’t need to be told twice, grinning and waving at everyone as she tugs Javy with her. He guesses that most people have work tomorrow, it’s not even midnight, as now that they’ve left there’s only a small group of people who seem to be discussing staying, while the grandparents are definitely heading out.

                “I have a room upstairs,” Jake says, his voice barely above a whisper and Bradley turns, wraps an arm around him and pulls him close, angles their bodies so Jake is rubbing against his side and he can definitely feel a half-firm cock in his pants. Yeah, he wants to leave now.

                “Perfect. Let’s go…” Bradley says, and he spies Mav talking to someone, his pinky finger adorably hooked around Beau’s like he’s afraid of letting him go. Seeing as Mav is busy he aims his comments at Beau. “I’ll find my own way home. You have a good night Admiral.”

                Beau looks quietly pleased while Mav looks flushed and Bradley doesn’t want to wonder about why. Instead, want to focus on Jake and getting him to a state where he can barely remember his own name. He follows Jake through the lobby to the elevators, holds him and discreetly palms him through his pants, angles his body to stop prying eyes and puts his mouth to Jake’s ear.

                “You look so fucking hot in this suit. Seems a shame to take it off…”

                “You should see me in my uniform…”

                “Meh. Uniforms don’t do anything for me,” Bradley admits. “At least not military ones. Grew up seeing too many of them. This though? Trying to decide whether I want to fuck you in it or not…”

…             …             …

                Jake can barely breathe, unable to take deep breaths with how tight his entire body is feeling. Bradley’s words aren’t helping, and he forces his brain to connect words into comprehensible sentences. Walks stiffly down the hall to his hotel room, Bradley’s hand under his jacket but burning hot through the fabric of his shirt. He pushes open the door and steps inside.

                “I want to say not, simply because of how much it cost me, but also, that’s what dry cleaning is for right? And I kind of like the idea of thinking about you fucking me in it every time I wear it in the future.”

                That seems to sell it for Bradley, his hands not hesitating in pulling Jake’s shirt out from his pants with one hand, other hand on his belt, mouth on Jake’s and he sways into him, presses his body against Jake’s and god, he’ll never grow tired of the way Bradley moves against him and he leans against the wall for support.

                “Wanna fuck you like this,” Bradley says, his voice pitched low in Jake’s ear and his skin prickles at the level of intensity in his voice.

                “You can.”

                “I know.”

                Bradley strips quickly, clearly wants to be naked while he has Jake fully clothed, shirt untucked, belt undone but that’s all that’s happened. Bradley is moving around with purpose, grabbing a couple of towels, getting Jake’s directions for lube and condoms. He’s standing there, fully clothed, and getting harder in his pants at just the thought of Bradley fucking him. He never used to be this fucking easy. Then Bradley is back, gloriously naked in front of him, his cock bouncing around with growing interest, hands running all over Jake’s body, slipping over his shoulders and taking his suit jacket off. Part of him wants to leave it on, an extra layer of protection maybe for how exposed he’s feeling right now.

                “How about we at least remove the jacket, don’t want you to overheat… another time though, air-conditioned room, definitely want to explore that.”

                Like realizing that Mav was the other person who had asked Bradley to the wedding, hearing Bradley talk about times in the future where they’re still fucking makes his stomach twist with pleasure and relief maybe. Then he’s being shuffled toward the bed, falling onto it, bouncing a little and then Bradley’s pressing him down, naked skin fucking everywhere and he kisses him, lips sliding and he can feel Bradley’s erection pressing against his, separated by only two layers of fabric and he jerks up, wanting more friction.

                Without his permission or say-so Bradley’s leaning back, kneeling above him, shifting to be carefully positioned above his knees, hand rubbing with firm intent over his cock, fingers nimbly undoing the button and clasp of his pants, lowering the fly carefully. Then Bradley’s tugging his pants and underwear together, under the curve of his ass before carefully maneuvering the front over his erection. He leans down and licks a stripe up Jake’s cock, sucks at the head far too briefly to be anything but a tease and he groans.

                “You good?” Bradley asks, and his tone is lower than Jake’s ever heard it, raspy and fuck he sounds good.

                “You know it…”

                Bradley hums then, gives his cock another too-quick suck but then he’s moving away, rolling Jake onto his side, bringing his legs up into a curl and he runs a finger over the crease between his ass cheeks. Then Bradley is tugging his tie undone, looping it through one of his shirt cuffs, then the other, and it’s not quite a front hog-tie but both his wrists are now at the mercy of Bradley. He could easily flick the cufflinks out, get free, but he won’t. He wants to see where Bradley’s going to take this, is desperate to see where Bradley might take this.

                To his disappointment the tie is released, but not removed from where it’s looped; he hears the snap of the lid and then there’s the press and wipe of too much lube around his hole and he doesn’t want to whine about the amount of lube, but he also totally does. He keeps quiet though. He also wants to complain about the amount of time it’s taking, but he’s learnt to trust Bradley, trust that he has a plan and it’s never let him down yet.

                “So hard for you already…”

                Oh.

                He hears the now familiar tear of foil and more lube, and they’re going to make an absolute mess of the bed, but he doesn’t care in the slightest. Then Bradley’s reaching for the tie again, pulling it into a loop in his hands and then leans down to kiss at the hinge of his jaw, catches his lips in a kiss. The way Bradley has him doesn’t make it easy, his thighs are together, unable to be spread with his pants around his thighs, his shirt cuffs and tie keeping his wrists clamped firmly to the bed under Bradley’s left hand. His right-hand palms over his ass, the only part of him that’s naked and exposed, a finger brushing down the length of his ass crack again before focusing a few strokes just on his hole.

                “This okay Jake?”

                He groans, thrusts back on the finger stroking over his hole in a too-soft stroke.

                “Need words Jake…”

                “Yes. Fuck. Yes. I’ll tell you if I don’t like something.”

                “That’s all I needed to know…”

                Then he feels the slide of a finger into him, and it doesn’t get as deep as he’s used to, Bradley’s knuckles pressing into the flesh of his ass and he wants to spread his legs, wants Bradley deeper. But he can’t, too constricted, all he can do is press back, let Bradley do his whole maddeningly slow thing where he completely ignores whatever it is Jake says and instead listens to his body, somehow able to read it fluently. He’s got one of his knees behind Jake’s knees, and he’s pressing Jake down into the bed with his body and god it feels good.

                “Oh god… fuck you’re tight,” Bradley says, sliding two fingers in, and he can feel Bradley’s teeth pressing down on his bicep through the fabric of his shirt and he wonders if he will get the shirt cleaned after all. Maybe keep it as a souvenir to remind him of this. Of Bradley. All he can do is jerk minutely, barely a flex of muscle and he wants to touch his cock, can’t, and he feels increasingly desperate. Bradley’s fingers are moving non-stop, tugging at his rim, knuckles pressing and massaging at the tight muscles, and he squeezes his eyes shut, gasps at the press of three fingers.

                “Going to mess you up…”

                “Yeah, yeah… come on. Please.”

                Jake can’t believe how hard he is. He’s never had sex while wearing a suit, but he’s also never been fucked while being quite this restrained and he wants to know whether it’s one or the other, or the combination. Or is it just a Bradley thing? He’d briefly thought it would be little bit awkward,  with Bradley only having one hand to try and hold Jake open and guide his cock. But there’s lube and apparently Bradley’s cock has a homing beacon in it, because the press of Bradley’s cock into him is slow and sure.

                “You’re so fucking good…”

                Jake makes a sound he can’t even begin to describe, the love-child between a whine and moan, hopes Bradley realizes it’s a good sound, because his tongue feels thick in his mouth, unable to form proper words, his breath stuttering in and out. He’s been turned on for hours, getting more and more desperate for this with every little touch Bradley had given him. And Bradley had known what he was doing, the entire time. His eyes had been dark with arousal as he held Jake in his arms as they danced, running his fingers over the back of Jake’s hand, placing soft kisses on the side of Jake’s jaw. Every single look and touch a promise for later.

                “Fuck Jake… how are you so fucking perfect. God.”

                Bradley’s thrusting, quick quick sloooow, pushingin fast and relentless, but dragging out slowly, his breathing shifting to shuddery exhales as he clearly lets himself feel Jake’s body around him. Pushing back in quickly before repeating the slow drag out. Over and over and over. Quick quick sloooow. He desperately wants to touch his cock now, is shifting against nothing in the vain hope he might get some friction, something, anything. He can see the head, dark against the unintentional framing of his white shirt, can feel dampness where his own precum has been caught on the fabric.

                “Yeah, your cock looks so good against your shirt. So pretty…” Bradley says, his voice rough in Jake’s ear as he continues to move, kissing at Jake’s ear, jaw, lips; all while thrusting. Quick quick sloooow. “You’re close…” Jake blinks. Is he? His body and brain don’t feel attached right now and he realizes that yeah, he is. Bradley now knows his body that well. “Come on Jake, come on my cock. Nothing but my cock.”

                That punches the breath out of him and he comes, hard, his body straining to release everything, all his muscles seeming to flex and then immediately relax simultaneously and he shudders, shakes and then he feels Bradley shaking above him, his groans sounding beautifully broken and he was true to his word. Jake is definitely messed up, his shirt and stomach now damp and sticky, the tie stretched and twisted in Bradley’s hands. Then he has both of Bradley’s hands on him, tie and wrists released, instead it seems like Bradley wants to touch every inch of him and he lets him.

…             …             …

                Jake stands there and it’s the first time Bradley has seen him in uniform, knows he must no longer be on leave and his stomach falls. It’s been a couple of days since they’ve seen each other and yeah, this is definitely not sexy in the slightest.

                “Guess you’re on a plane or boat out of here soon huh?”

                “Yeah, two days. Just. I’ll be gone for five months.”

                “Guess I’ll be seeing you then. You get to visit all your other people in all the other ports…”

                “And if I only want one person. And one port…?” Jake asks and Bradley blinks.

                “You asking me to go steady?” Bradley teases, although the intent of his question is dead serious. “When you’re about to leave me for five months?”

                “Yep. Guess I am. Taking a leaf out of your book and stating what I want. Clearly. No room for misinterpretation.”

                “I approve. Always in favor of being upfront with what you want.”

                “And what do you want?”

                “Right now? To take my new long-distance boyfriend to bed. In five months? To be there when he steps off his plane or boat when he comes home to me…”

                “And take him to bed then too I hope.”

                “Of course.”

[pope-neuro]

Give headcanon for merc.

(Sorry I been taking so long to get to these, I’ve been dealing with the sudden death of my baby bird, life has been kinda terrible this week)

NOTE: There will be some suggestive stuff in here but most of it is for comedic purposes

General merc headcanons:

Scout:

-my boi got adhd like you would not believe

-The poor bastard cannot focus on anything for the life of him, no matter how hard he tries

-One of the reasons why he has trouble with reading, he was never really able to focus enough to figure it out, as that’s something that takes a LOT of time and a LOT of focus.

-Really talented artist tho! He loves drawing and keeps a sketchbook or two in his room! He likes to doodle before bed each night, it helps him calm down

-Somehow gay and homophobic at the same time

-Would absolutely lose his shit over the blue lobster meme no matter how old it gets

Soldier:

-My goofy ahh uncle

-The physical embodiment of “he a lil confused, but he got the spirit”

-Bro does not give a FUCK what anyone else thinks and I respect the hell out of that

-The men in his family were all in the military, which is one of the reasons why he’s obsessed

-secretly very insecure that he never actually made it into the official military

-Puts up a front so he can avoid feeling like a disappointment sometimes

-Solly is one of those people that sleeps like a LOG. Literally nothing can wake him up other than his own internal clock, which conveniently goes off at 6am.

-It is at this point in the morning when he goes around the base and attempts to make everyone else get up. Most are not pleased.

-Bi as fuck. He kisses men. He kisses women. He literally does not care, a beautiful person is a beautiful person, son.

-He calls his partner “son”.

Pyro:

-He is my son

-I love my son so much I am so proud of him for just existing.

-Pyro’s name is Ernesto

-His mask is literally just his face, like the plague doctor SCP. What appears to be clothing is actually just his body.

-He is from another planet, and the oxygen in our atmosphere has hallucinatory effects on members of his species

-Poor baby is basically in a haze 100 percent of the time :( but he does his absolute best!

-He literally only wants to spread peace, love, and flower power

-Fire makes him feel nice, because it’s bright and it’s warm. Fire is friendly and comforting. It helps ground him in this strange world.

Demo:

-Under-appreciated as fuck holy shit

-Probably one of the most hardworking people on the team, if not THE most

-This guy is doing multiple jobs at once in addition to his demanding work as a mercenary.

-He’s actually super smart! He may not act like it when he’s super drunk, but he seriously does know what he’s doing

-Chemistry EXPERT. Can he please help me with my chem 101 homework I literally could never. I know he’s smart because chemistry is fucking impossible and he loves the subject

-sometimes works with Engie to develop new types of bombs!

-My theory is that he turned to alcohol in order to cope with the chronic burnout he must be facing by working so many jobs at once. Just helps him check out of life for a while, but unfortunately that comes at the cost of his liver.

-Fr tho how the fuck is he even alive, he drinks HYDROGEN PEROXIDE at one point, which isn’t even related to alcohol at all, it’s literally just a poisonous chemical💀

-I have reason to believe he now has epilepsy as a result of medic damaging his hippocampus while scooping his brain, I made a post about this a while ago if you’re interested in more details

-He is very much in need of a hug

-I love him so much

-You’re doin good lad

Heavy:

-One of the smartest people on the team, despite what you might perceive at first glance.

-The only reason he may sound “dumb” to some people is because English is his second language, and he has a very hard time speaking it.

-Fr tho English sucks, I have no idea how people learn it later in life on their own

-In the Russian dub of meet the heavy, he speaks a lot more eloquently. Definitely strikes me as the type of person to have a PhD in Russian literature.

-His dream was to one day become an author, but mercenary work got in the way because it was the best way to provide for his family overseas.

-He still writes from time to time in a small notebook he keeps by his bed, in the hopes that one day he’ll publish something

-He will

-Gay AF

-The literal definition of a Bear

-His guns are his babies, he literally loves them like they’re his children.

-Honestly I feel that way about my PC so I get it😭

Engie:

-Also a very underrated character

-Ties with medic for Smartest On The Team

-Engie just puts his genius towards more practical (and less unhinged) use

-I mean clearly he’s not TOTALLY stable, he did cut off his own arm to attach the gunslinger

-Always felt the need to prove himself growing up. Because of where he’s from, people tended to assume he was kinda stupid based on stereotypes. He obviously ended up proving everyone wrong.

-Is autistic and has OCD. He needs to do things a certain way or he can get extremely upset, especially in his workshop. It’s his safe space that is not to be invaded unless he is expecting you.

-Acts like a father figure to pyro. Basically the only one who isn’t unsettled by him (other than maybe medic)

-He definitely takes pyro fishing on the weekends

-Very talented singer, but he’ll absolutely deny it if you tell him. He’s super humble about everything

-But nah everyone else always loves to listen to him sing and play the guitar when they’re all hanging out at the fire pit.

-He’s such a dad I love him

Medic:

-Medic is my wife

-Smartest member of the team along with Engie

-Actually very strong! He lifted soldier up by the collar in expiration date, and he’s gotta weigh at LEAST 250.

-Also carries around heavy equipment all day, and is STILL the second fastest runner on the team, only behind scout.

-Medic is actually a pretty big dude. It’s just hard to notice when he’s standing next to heavy who is an actual giant. I think medic is canonically like 6’1 or something. Big dude. Wide shoulder. Booba. 👍

-Of course he looks small when he’s near heavy, EVERYONE looks small standing next to heavy

-Bi medic Bi medic Bi medic Bi medic

-Contrary to popular belief, he DOES indeed have the title of “Doctor”. In order to get a medical license in the first place, you are required to complete med school and obtain an MD or DO degree. Licensure and degrees are two separate things. You can lose a license, but you can’t be stripped of the education you already learned. The title of “Doctor” comes with a degree, not a license, as we have seen with engineer and Heavy’s PhD’s.

-He’s autistic with a special interest in medicine! If he’s not actively in battle, his in his lab working on shit. He LOVES it. It’s basically the only subject he cares about (source: am autistic w/ medical special interest. Am I projecting? Maybe but oh well)

-He very clearly knows what he’s doing, even though his methods are kinda fucked💀

-He’s succeeded in literally raising the dead multiple times in addition to inventing all of his healing devices completely his own.

-Hangs out with Engie when he’s not working on stuff, they both enjoy building/inventing devices and they enjoy talking about their shared special interests. He is closest with Engie and heavy out of everyone on the team.

-The only one that knows pyro is an SCP

-He’s a hoe. A massive hoe

-we are married

Sniper:

-Emotions are scary and Should Not Exist

-Also autistic! The man has literally no idea how to speak to other humans, and talks to himself constantly (am autistic, can confirm)

-MASSIVE introvert, has to retreat to his van a couple times a day to recharge

-He likes to draw birds he sees while on the job!

-Likes plain black coffee which I will never understand it’s so fucking bitter literally wh

-Doesn’t like people to know he’s somehow only 27 years old despite looking like he could be my dad when in reality he’s only like 7.5 years older than me

-He could be my brother but he looks like he could be my dad wtf

-One of those lucky bastards who doesn’t burn in the sun easily, he’s outside constantly

-His ideal place to be would be outdoors on a nice sunny day. A wide open area with no one else around.

-Puts his hat over his face when he sleeps because of course he does

-He Is Not Straight

Spy:

-Pan, poly

-Canonically enjoys his romances “in groups of six”

-Spy hosts orgies guys, valve’s words not mine

-Sigma chad, has fucked your mom and will do it again

-Is not aware that he smells terrible from smoking all the time

-God knows how many children he’s left behind because he’s afraid of staying in any type of committed relationship

-Very similar to sniper in that emotions are Scary

-Speaks every language known to mann

-He absolutely has a sex dungeon. In this video he literally has plans to “remodel his dungeon”:

https://youtu.be/IIoBW__Y8DY

-WHAT OTHER KIND OF DUNGEON WOULD HE HAVE

-ITS A SEX DUNGEON

-HE’S HAD IT LONG ENOUGH THAT IT NEEDS REMODELING

-Probably has the best social skills out of anyone else on the team

-Possibly a sociopath? Or just very good at hiding his intentions and motivations

-Spy is awesome but also I love making fun of him

-Haha skinny legg mann

Im so sorry poor anon asked this like a month ago😭😭 but I wanted to be really thorough with my headcanons!! I hope you like em and feel free to ask me more shit :))

[entropywritez]

An Unwanted Inheritance CHAPTER ONE: A Visit and a Blessing

~ 1600 words. In summary, Armani thinks about how his mom has gone missing, has lunch with a vampire, and helps out a faerie he passes on the street.

The cicadas, faeries, and the crunch of gravel under my shoes all came together to make a perfect rhythm of summer. I had my headphones on, playing absolutely nothing. My hands were in the pockets of the same cargo shorts I’d been wearing for the past Star Block. In one of the pockets was a miniature doll I’d gotten at the Ten Cent thrift store across the street from my dad’s shop. Her tiny limbs moved along with my thumb, providing me comfortable stimulation. My hair was half tied up to allow the breeze to blow the sweat on my neck dry, the other half down to preserve my luck. 

I was anxious. 

Every few steps, the thought resurfaced, and the step after that I buried it again. 

How many weeks are there in a year?

Sixty-and-one, she made clear.

Sixty-and-one weeks. Mom.

The gravel crunched under my sneakers to the beat that the faeries and the cicadas sang in an overwhelming hot cacophony, I buried the thought again. 

Uncle Jack’s house was much closer to town than ours, just a half kilometer past the start of the gravel roads. I didn’t like the asphalt as much as I liked gravel. 

His house was a huge mess of glass, wood, and brick, all positioned at weird angles, the windows much too big to be private. When I was little, I’d get in trouble for peeling chunks of red and brown from the face of the brick that ran along the bottom half of the first floor walls. 

I knocked on the door and waited, pulling the iron chains of my necklace back and forth across my neck, imagining the chains rolling up the skin on the back of my neck into neat rows like dough and that there wouldn’t be a texture on the back of my neck any more. 

My uncle opened the door just enough for me to step inside. “Saav’est, Armani!” He greeted, risking a hand in the sun to wave me in. 

Uncle Jack was a heretic, as my dad would put it. His house was not protected by any paper charms, even the basic kind you could buy at the general store for a tile for ten peel-n’-stick ones. He kept his hair all tied in a braid, instead of sensibly down to cover his neck. That’s how it is for vampires, though. When you’re considered neither faerie nor human, it’s hard to consider the holy powers that divided the two to be worth your worship.

If you live in the city, you might think of a vampire as a guy in white face paint, hair slicked back, blood dripping from plastic fangs. Those vampires are sick as hell, don’t get me wrong, but medical vampires are an entirely different phenomenon. 

Uncle Jack ruffled my hair as I came in, grinning down at me. “Y’must’ve grown three feet since I last saw you, kid,” he said. 

I laughed, already on my way to the kitchen. I sat on a stool at the island. 

“What’ll it be for lunch today, kid?” He asked, both hands on the counter like a bartender. 

I shrugged. “What do you have left over?”

Uncle Jack laughed. “A whole lotta blood, mostly. Fried rice, then?”

“Sure,” I said, internally sighing in relief. Safe food. 

He straightened, muscles flexing under too-little flesh. 

Human medical vampires are only really called vampires through old superstition. After enough exposure to raw Faren over a long period of time, humans will begin to look and behave like faeries, including pointed teeth and ears, wanting little-to-no sleep, and only being able to process Faren as real sustenance. However, as you might have figured out explosively as a kid, Faren is so unstable that keeping it around in its purest form is obnoxious. Most vampires have a permit with their local blood bank to pick up a few bags a week, because blood works as the next best thing, and is much less likely to pop like a firecracker if you jostle it too much. A starving vampire is neither faerie nor human, though. That’s where the folklore came in. 

Uncle Jack was able to keep himself well-fed and healthy, thanks to a significant salary from his employment with the Empire. I wasn’t entirely sure what he did. Probably the same everyman job most Imperial employees have. Nothing with law enforcement, despite my hopes. 

Sixty-and-one-weeks. 

From the back, it was difficult to tell my dad and Uncle Jack apart. They both kept their fiery red hair respectably long and groomed. Both were the same height, had the same pale-covered-in-freckles skin, even the same build. After a while, the older vampire brother and the younger human brother would meet. 

You could usually identify Uncle Jack through attire, though. He wore long white fabric from top to bottom to protect his skin from the sun, complete with practical leather boots he kept well oiled and a Four Points necklace he only wore because my dad made him wound around his waist. He usually took off the top layer of fabric when he was inside, though. 

Over the summer when I wasn’t at school all day, Dad sent me to Uncle Jack’s every workday for lunch to give me at least some human grown-up interaction. I didn’t necessarily mind, aside from the hot and dusty trek to and from our houses. 

I watched Uncle Jack cook absentmindedly. 

“A year ago today,” I said. 

Uncle Jack paused, but didn’t respond. I didn’t really want him to say anything back. I just felt like acknowledging it somehow. 

Vegetables flew under Uncle Jack’s knife, as if they were never one piece at all, and into the pan. 

I immersed myself in the sound of vegetables sizzling in bubbling oil. 

Uncle Jack asked, “What are the rest of your plans for the day?”

I shrugged. “I think I’ll go to the library with Alex and Liz if they aren’t working.”

He nodded. “We spend good tax dollars on that library.” Of course he’d think so.

“They sure pay off.” 

Now the rice went in the pan. “If you pass by the shop, can you take your dad a thing of this fried rice?”

“Yeah, I will. Men need to eat.”

Not that I’d want to eat in a shop that smelled strongly of herbs and chemicals, but my dad wasn’t me. 

Uncle Jack broke the eggs on the edge of the pan and dropped their contents in, breaking the yolks with the corner of his spatula. I used to yell at him for that, because it wasn’t the correct way to go about things. 

The Kelly family lived on paved roads, right across from the old monotheist church. It took about half as long to walk from Uncle Jack’s to the Kelly household at night, and the same amount of time during the day, considering traffic. 

I was standing at the first traffic light approaching town from the south, Dad’s lunch in hand, waiting for the pedestrian sign to switch from yellow to blue. There weren’t any cars to wait for, it just seemed wiser to wait. A faerie was across the street from me, a few paper bags in faer arms, doing the exact same thing I was.

If you’re a city kid, or an asshole, you’d probably think something like, “Isn’t that illegal?” or, “Wow, you’re so brave to step out of the house like you… are.” When you live out in the rural areas of the Hel’est’fenn empire, no one worth caring about enforces curfew laws. 

This faerie presented to be about my age, maybe a year or two older, but one can never be sure of the age of faeries. Fae was furk’, with crimson skin, simple horns carved respectably smooth, breasts, and completely straight dark hair. Fae was in faer chore clothes, meaning only two or three worn skirts and bead chains worn about the waist, and a visibly bulging ves’kel’en, generally sold to humans as “pocket skirts.” Proper faerie ves’kel’en are made of several different fabric tubes sewn together, each tied off with a tight knot to keep their contents inside, and a needle stuck through if it’s particularly heavy.

As fae and I passed each other on the street, one tube’s knot came untied, releasing a long stream of soap coins tumbling to the ground. 

The faerie swore, and bent to pick up the chips. 

I set down Dad’s lunch box next to me and did the same, offering handfuls of square bits of soap in various colors and scents. 

The both of us squatted in the street, wordlessly picking up soap coins and dropping them into the tube they were previously in. 

The faerie stood, tying off the tube. 

So did I, waiting for fae to send me off. One never leaves a faerie unless fae tells you to leave. 

Fae nodded and smiled, exposing teeth visibly shapeshifted for hunting. “Ben’tis’niir, yul’forr’qul’est.” 

For once, I recognized the line. Live well, human. A common fae parting blessing.

I nodded back. “Ten’est. Saav’est.”

The faerie laughed, visibly amused. “Bul’gen saav’gav’niir?”

I froze. My knowledge of Fae’liis’en was rudimentary, especially considering my proximity to the Fae and my dad’s profession. In other words, I had no idea what in the name of the Void the faerie just said. 

The faerie tilted faer head. “Know Fae’liis’en?”

I grimaced, and held up two pinched fingers, shaking my head. 

Fae nodded understandingly, and finally started on faer way toward the edge of town, waving a parting greeting. 

I waved back, continuing along the sidewalk toward my dad’s shop. 

When I put my hand into the pocket containing my tiny doll, I found a miniature string of beads and a green slip of paper, with the symbol for language, learning, and eagerness or speed. Thanks, mystery faerie. Pretty funny.

[talesfromsiteredacted]

Little Things

Hiya kids... Uncle Alto here. I might have "borrowed" Rabbit's account after she failed to log out while getting lunch. So... while she's still off getting our beef stroganoff, let me tell you a little more about Site Command's unofficial favorite intern.

First off, Rabbit is the first to just jump in to try and help. Very good in a person, but... somehow it never really seems to occur to her to not help out.

She's scarily observant. She knows who's not doing well with hardly any interaction. Hell, sometimes she manages to predict who's about to breach before I do, and resolved the issue before it gets out of hand. Dr. Glass swears 914 gave her clairvoyance.

She may be sweet in person and on the phone, but in the COD lobby, don't mess with her. She's lethal with a RAAL in game.

She always smells great, like my favorite branch of Federal losers... ATF. Alcohol (whiskey), tobacco absolute, and firearms (hint of gunpowder). Gotta find out what perfume she wears, I dig it.

She can cook. Kinda wish I declared war on soup before now that she's bringing lunch in.

She's good at artsy stuff. It's cool to see some of the things she makes. Dr. Light loves the bracelet Rabbit made her for her birthday. She keeps threatening to make me a lei to go with my Polynesian shirts... Rabbit, if you're wondering, red is my color according to 173.

She's the first intern I've seen to make Dr. Iceberg afraid of her. Julian isn't scared of shit, really... but on the rare chance Rabbit blows her stack, he runs and hides in his office. Thankfully, Rabbit is usually chill.

She's adorable when she blushes. Which happens whenever she's complimented. Dr. Gears told her she made great coffee (she does, fyi) and she turned the cutest shade of pink.

She wears these cute little green dresses, which normally no female who had to fight would pick. Nothing too risqué, maybe the skirts are a bit shorter or with a slit on the sides. Yet, she's never had issues with fights, not even in heels. Abel's even impressed she can flip kick in 4 inch chunky heel ankle boots. And they hurt. I got one to the chest last Friday during the Soup Incident, and I'm still bruised a week later. Cute, but kicks like a ballet-trained mule.

She hasn't been back to West Virginia in years, but still has the accent. It comes out stronger if she's tired or getting sick of crap. The trigger warning for her getting really angry? "Bless your heart" or some variant, followed by brutal honesty. Rabbit angry is still polite, but maliciously so. And, so long as she's not mad at me, I'm here for it. While others raise their voices in anger, she tends to get icily quiet. I've only heard her yell once, and it was at Abel. He was so shocked he dropped his sword. Yeah... Yelling Rabbit is Peak Scary Rabbit. Rarely happens, though.

She loves dark chocolate. I think it tastes like dirt, but she enjoys it.

She's very practical for someone claiming to be a witch. Not militant witch, nor airy-fairy, but very grounded. Like, before saging the office for evil spirits, check the carbon monoxide detectors first stuff. But will holy water the hells out of a fool if needed. Fun fact, even for non-demons, a super soaker full of holy water will at least slow someone down a bit, if not just confuse them.

She's not flirting, she's just nice. Catches people off guard, but some guys just take it the wrong way.

When she's had enough of my crap, she'll tease me relentlessly. Favorite insult of hers towards me? "Bless your heart, Dr. Clef, but, you ain't evil. You're just a surf hobo with access to shotguns. Tone it down."

For a Dungeons and Dragons game, she once created the most evil minions I've seen in game. Forget what she called them, but they were basically what would happen if a casowary horde caught the G-Virus in Resident Evil, but with a hive mind. Meaning... see one, get killed by many while the rest beeline to you and your crew's asses. Rather face an entire factory of Nemesis and Mr X than see those demented nightmares ever again. I took the first chance to lay low after my poor rogue barely survived... which led to a one night subplot, "Phineas The Unseen Attempts to Evade the Overly Serious Sisters of Sigyn and Dodge the Bills". Fun times, but I got out of it.

She's actually funny. She can be mean, but it's with an intent of improvement. Some of her jokes are a bit odd, especially the dad jokes. An example; Dr Gears- "I'm serious-" Rabbit- "Hi, Serious, I'm Rabbit." I did see ol COGswell crack the tiniest hint of a grin while shaking his head.

She's seen the weirdest shit in creation, yet hasn't stopped marveling at little things. The first snowfall is still magic to her. She likes the sounds of thunderstorms, stuff like that. It's honestly one of the things that surprised me most.

She keeps a secret stash of candy for surprise incentives for junior researchers. Those that do good work will often find proposals returned with a candy bar enclosed. Really clever and well drafted ones get the better options.

I've only known her personally over a year or so, but... it's easier to tell her some of the terrible stuff happening than even Glass. She never really judges, just listens and tries to come up with solutions. Plus, sometimes she brings in goodies.

Her laugh. I swear by 343, if anyone really gets her laughing it's more infectious than a zombie virus. There was a three way Joke-Off in the site cafeteria between myself, Bright, and Agent Maine, by the end of round two none of us could tell any more jokes we were all laughing so hard. Her laugh is loud, but like a good pitch.

I may have a tiny crush on my intern. This... may be trouble. But then, I am a Clef, it's only natural I find trouble, heh.

[jekde04]

Home

One-shot for Gruvia Day/Greige Day/Gruvia Family Day 2021

Summary: Coming home from a mission is always better when there's someone waiting for you.

Word Count: 2,483 words

You may also read it on FanFiction.net and AO3! Check out my master list for other Gruvia fics.

Tag List: @shampooneko @fbflame94 @juviaafullbuster @unvalley @gruviaftw11​ (Wanna be tagged, lemme know)

“Mommy, we’re back!”

Looking for her blue head of hair had become second nature to him, so he quickly spotted her among their friends as she stood up to gather the running Greige into her arms. He followed right after, though a lot calmer.

“I finished my mission with Daddy!” the four-year-old boy with dark blue hair exclaimed as he reached his mom, still a little breathless from running. “I made big blocks of ice for the party, and Daddy crushed them to make snow cones for everyone!”

Greige prattled on excitedly, demonstrating each point with his hands and arms and making Juvia smile. Arriving at her side, Gray put his arm around his wife’s shoulders and kissed her temple. She embraced him back, giving him a quick squeeze before letting go and turning back to their son.

Gray chuckled. It seemed like ages ago when Juvia would welcome him with a half-hug, half-tackle to the ground while shouting, “Gray-samaaaaa!” Now, all her attention was on their son.

“That’s great, darling,” Juvia told Greige as they all sat side by side, with both of her boys on either side of her. “You didn’t get hurt, did you?”

Gray rolled his eyes. It was so like Juvia to get worried over a simple mission of making ice sculptures and snow cones for kids at a birthday party, even though she was the one to spot it on the job board.

At first, she got really excited as she saw it as an opportunity for family bonding. But with her six-month pregnant belly, Gray wouldn’t risk it even if it was just an easy and harmless mission.

It ended up being a father and son bonding with his little ice mage apprentice.

“Relax, Juvia. As if I would let something happen to our son,” Gray answered after taking a gulp of the ice-cold water waiting for him at the table. Mira passed by and set a hot bowl of udon in front of him, giving him a light pat on the back.

“Of course you won’t, Gray-sama,” his wife answered with a smile. “But Juvia will always worry for you two. It’s just the way it is.”

She turned to Greige and held his elbow to pull him closer but was surprised when he yelped in pain.

“Greige-kun? What’s the matter? Where does it hurt?” Juvia asked in a concerned voice, trying to look for any bruise or cut on his son’s well-covered body.

Gray also turned to look at him with worry. “Did you get injured, buddy?”

“N-nothing. I’m okay, Mom,” Greige answered, squirming from Juvia’s fussing and a bit embarrassed about his outburst.

“Don’t ‘nothing’ me, young man,” Juvia said in her stern mommy voice that meant business. She rarely used it to both Gray and Greige, so both of them knew better than to defy her in any way when she was in one of her moods.

And being pregnant, those mood swings escalated tenfold.

Greige let Juvia remove his outer coat, allowing her to quickly spot the source of the problem: a scratch on his elbow. It wasn’t that deep or big, but it definitely should be cleaned, or else it would get infected.

Suddenly, Juvia snapped her head towards her husband and glared at him with her fierce blue eyes.

“Gray-sama! You said you won’t let anything happen to our son!”

Gray gulped and scratched the back of his head. All they did was make snow cones, how the hell did Greige get that?!

“Juvia, I swear, I didn’t let him out of my sight! I don’t even know where he got that,” he answered as he moved to Greige’s other side, examining the wound. “Besides, it’s just a small scratch. It’s no big deal.”

He immediately regretted his words the moment they came out of his mouth. He felt goosebumps prickling his skin as Juvia’s glare intensified.

Really, this woman means the world to him, but she could be scarier than Erza sometimes.

But before he could appease his wife, Greige said in a small voice, “This was from yesterday.”

Juvia turned to their son. “Yesterday? What happened? And why didn’t you say anything about it?”

With his head bowed, Greige mumbled something he couldn’t hear. Gray was about to ask him to speak louder when he saw him chance a glance at the pink-haired girl just three tables away from them...

And blush.

Holy Mavis.

He knew that look. He used to steal glances at Juvia with that look.

But his son was just four years old!

“What did you say, Greige?” Juvia’s voice broke through his thoughts (and internal panic), and he tried his best to focus on his son’s answer instead of his pink cheeks.

“I-I... scraped my elbow while Nasha and I were trying to hide from Aunt Lucy,” Greige answered, and Gray swore his son’s cheeks flushed some more.

Okay, he and Greige need to have a long talk when they get home. He was just four, but who knows what ideas and thoughts were running through his head now? Better nip it in the bud while it was still early.

And maybe he would tell Juvia tonight, but he had to be really careful because it might trigger the waterworks. And God knew how extremely sensitive she was, especially now that she was pregnant. Just last week, they ran out of milk, and she bawled her eyes out over it.

“Next time, be more careful, darling,” Juvia said, seemingly oblivious to what just happened and already arms-deep into her first aid kit.

Juvia had always been like that whenever he returned from a mission. She would have a first aid kit by her side and a glass of cold water and a serving of whatever the meal of the day was already ordered for him. At home, there would always be a feast.

He had to thank her failproof Gray-sama radar for always getting the timing of his arrival right.

She started dabbing alcohol on Greige’s wound while blowing at the spot to ease the pain. Greige flinched a little, but he put on a brave face while his mom cleaned his wound, his eyes traveling now and then to the nearby table where his bubbly friend was busy playing with her mom’s keys, unaware of his stolen glances.

That talk was definitely happening the moment they get home.

“All done!” Juvia exclaimed, lightly patting the band-aid she placed over the abrasion. “Now, for the finishing touches.”

She puckered her lips and lowered it to Greige’s elbow to kiss the boo-boo away, as she always did whenever her son injured himself. But just when her lips were a mere inch away, Greige saw Nasha looking at him with her big brown eyes, causing him to push his mom’s lips away from him.

“Ahh, stop it, Mom! I’m a big boy now!” Greige blurted, crimson cheeks and all.

Lisanna, who was delivering some drinks to a nearby table, smiled widely and ruffled Greige’s hair. "Aww, you are so cute, Greige-kun!" This made the boy even redder.

Surprised, Juvia locked eyes with Gray, and he tilted his head towards the table where his rival’s family was staying. She saw Nasha looking at Greige, and she looked at her husband and raised one of her eyebrows.

“Okay, Mommy understands,” she told Greige as she smiled at him and smoothed the band-aid on his elbow. “But promise me one thing, darling.”

Greige looked up at her and waited.

“Promise me that even though you’re a young man now, you won’t give Mommy a grandchild yet, okay? Mommy’s too young for that.”

Greige just continued looking at her, brows furrowed in confusion. Gray, on the other hand, almost choked on his udon and shouted, “Juvia!” at his giggling wife.

“Really, I can give Mommy a grandchild? How?” their son asked, excitement twinkling in his eyes.

Gray took a gulp of cold water before turning to his son. “Alright, that’s enough. Greige, don’t listen to your mom. And Juvia, stop putting ideas into your son’s head!”

Juvia covered her mouth with her hands. “Juvia’s sorry, Gray-sama. Juvia just thinks it’s so cute that Greige-kun already has a --”

“Greige?”

A little girl’s voice interrupted them, and they all turned to look at Nasha, who had quietly made her way to their table. Gray stole a glance at his son and saw him giving the girl the tiniest of smiles.

Just like the smile he used to give Juvia when he was still fighting his growing feelings for her.

All of a sudden, the innocent-looking girl jumped on Greige and locked his head under her arm, a mischievous smile on her lips. “Aunt Juvia, Uncle Gray, can Greige and I get some ice cream?”

“Ow! Let go!” Greige exclaimed, suddenly finding himself in a headlock with a giggling Nasha. He escaped her grip and glared at her while his mom answered, “Of course, sweetie. Just don’t go far and don’t take too long.”

“Yes, ma’am!” Nasha excitedly answered, dragging a sulking Greige after her. “Come on, weirdo. Let’s get some ice cream!”

“But I just ate a snow cone!”

“Whatever, you’re coming with me!”

Gray followed the two kids with his eyes, watching them hold hands as they made their way to their Aunt Mirajane.

That was his son, alright. Before long, he would be all grown up and meeting Nashas from different worlds and seeing snow dolls of Nasha and having enemies conjure up fantasies of him and Nasha in a perfect, happy world and --

“Relax, Gray-sama,” he heard his wife say, bringing him back to Earthland. “It will be a long time before all your thoughts would come true.”

His wife’s Gray-sama radar probably got an upgrade as it apparently developed mindreading powers now. And since when did his mind start running off to fantasy world? After all these years, Juvia’s powerful imagination must have rubbed off on him somehow.

Gray stretched his sore muscles and popped the joints in his neck. “Don’t joke about grandkids again. It’s scary.” He placed his hand at his wife’s round belly. “‘Sides, we’re not yet done having kids.”

Juvia looked at him, the most beautiful smile gracing her face. “Juvia knows. Now, get naked.”

“N-now?” Gray stammered, surprised at his wife’s sudden request. Sure, he would love to try having more kids, but --

“-- so Juvia could examine you thoroughly for any wounds. And change your bandages,” she continued, eyes feigning innocence. But he could see a small smile tugging at her lips, satisfied with the little joke she pulled.

Gray rolled his eyes and took off his shirt. He let Juvia’s light fingers explore his body and carefully remove the old gauze wrapped around his broad chest. “It’s almost healed already,” he remarked.

Juvia just continued applying antiseptic on his injury, not looking up at Gray. His wound was by no means fresh, but it was a deep gash he got from one of his missions with Team Natsu. He threw himself in front of a kid to protect her from one of the bandits, which earned him a cut over his breastbone. Good thing Wendy was with them; it could have been fatal if she didn’t treat it right away.

“Still not totally healed. Gray-sama should keep the bandages clean to avoid infection.” She looked up at him and added, “And Gray-sama should be extra careful now that our family is growing.”

Despite her steady tone, he could see her eyes glimmering with unshed tears. He remembered the first time she saw his injury and how she tried to muffle her sobs so that Greige wouldn’t think something was wrong.

Gray wiped the tears that escaped her eyes and kissed her forehead tenderly. “I will. And no matter what, I will always come back home to you.”

Juvia nodded and gave him a small smile. She wrapped fresh bandages around his chest in silence.

“All done now, Gray-sama.” She patted her handiwork and started putting all the stuff back inside the first aid kit. When she was done, she stood up and was about to return the kit to Mira when Gray thought aloud, “How come she does it for Greige but not for me?”

Juvia turned to look at him. “Are you saying something, Gray-sama?”

Gray looked at her sheepishly while scratching his cheek. “Ah, nothing.”

“Juvia’s sure she heard something about doing it for Greige but not for you. What is it?”

Gray’s cheeks turned pink. “Well, it’s just that...” He puckered his lips towards her.

“Eh?” Juvia asked incredulously. “Juvia’s not sure she understands what Gray-sama’s talking about.”

Gray sighed and picked up his shirt. “Forget it. It’s silly.”

Juvia sat beside him again, thinking aloud to herself. “Hmm. What does Juvia do with Greige that she doesn’t do with Gray-sama?” After a few moments, her face lit up. “Aha! Does Gray-sama want Juvia to kiss his boo-boos too?”

Gray’s face flushed some more, but he couldn’t help the smirk from crawling on his face. “Well, you used to do it, right? I’m just curious how come you don’t do it anymore.”

It was now Juvia’s turn to blush. She put her hand over her mouth and said, “Is Juvia hearing this right? Gray-sama wants Juvia to kiss his body right in the middle of the guild?”

Realizing what she was saying, Gray suddenly burst out, “What? No! I was just asking!”

But it was too late. Juvia’s lips were already pressed onto a scar by his collarbone.

“Does this still hurt, Gray-sama?” She then moved lower to his chest where the bandage started, and kissed it softly. “How about here, hmm?”

Gray froze as Juvia’s lips traveled even lower, now kissing his hard abs covered by his bandages. He clenched his fist as he could feel something else hardening.

“Is Gray-sama feeling better now?” Juvia asked in a sultry voice, looking up at him with those beguiling eyes, a tiny smirk on her luscious lips as if challenging him.

Oh, she was definitely teasing him.

But why did she have to look this sexy?

Around them, he could hear some of their guildmates snickering and hollering.

“Get a room!”

“They’re being lovey-dovey again.”

“Give your wife what she wants, Gray!”

He was flustered alright, but he only knew of one way to turn the tables on his wife.

He grabbed her shoulders and straightened her so that they were at eye level with each other.

“You missed a spot right here,” he said, pointing to his lips. But before she could react, he angled his head and kissed her full on the mouth.

That will teach her, he thought.

Amid all the teasing, gagging noises, and catcalls, a little boy eating his ice cream a few tables away yelled, “Eww, Daddy and Mommy are being gross again!”

***

Happy Gruvia Family Day, loves! 😘

[the-final-sif]

I was thinking about different way the league could try to kidnap Katsuki and thought what if they just adopted him. Like got the paperwork filled it out (using an alias) and just battled the Bakugous for custody. Yeah, they're villians, but the paperwork checks out, and they can provide all necessary essentials, and maybe the Bakugous aren't the best parents.

This idea is extremely funny to me, and so I tried to think of a way it could work out that even kinda makes sense. After talking about it in the discord, I think I figured it out. (Set after USJ & sports festival, but pre-any kidnapping stuff)

We’re going to assume Bad Parents!Bakugous, with the situation being bad enough Katsuki is removed from their custody. The plan was for Aizawa / UA to take custody of him after that.

Only, there’s 1 tiny flaw in that plan. Katsuki’s quirk.

See, Katsuki’s quirk is considered a ‘dangerous’ quirk. 99% of the time this doesn’t matter, but there’s an old law regarding child custody that comes into play with dangerous quirks.

The law basically says that if a child has a ‘dangerous’ quirk, and their removed from their birth family’s custody, other relatives MUST be contacted to see if they are willing + capable of taking custody of the child. Even distant relatives.

Furthermore, if a relative wants the child (and passes a few other criteria), then they are all but guaranteed custody, even if there’s other circumstances that would usually prevent it. If the relative has a similar quirk to the child, that boosts their chances even further / offers extra protections.

The law was created during an earlier period of quirks, when ‘dangerous’ quirks were extremely hard to handle, and usually only family members with similar quirks could do it. It’s not a great law, but nobody’s gotten around to removing it since it doesn’t come into play often.

But of course, Katsuki isn’t so lucky. He has three relatives that have to be contacted and decline custody of him before Aizawa can claim it. He’s never met any of these people, has never had much contact with any extended family, but now he has to wait for them to say no before he can move on with this bullshit.

Two are easy enough, both are great uncles or something similar and live in assisted living facilities. Neither have the interest / capacity for Katsuki.

And then there’s Katsuki’s distant cousin on his dad’s side.

Honestly, it’s such bullshit. The guy went missing ages ago. His whole family was confirmed dead, but apparently the guy himself wasn’t, and since he’s still considered alive, they have to at least try to contact him.

A newspaper ad goes up for “Tenko Shimura”, there’s a 15 day waiting period while the ad runs, and then they should finally be free to move on.

Except, holy shit, turns out the guy isn’t actually dead.

He saw the newspaper ad, and actually calls in out of curiosity.

Katsuki is taken off guard and relieved, because the guy will say no, and then they can finish this, right?

Right?

Only, the guy doesn’t say no.

He doesn’t say yes either, but he asks to be put in contact with Katsuki so he can discuss it.

Katsuki is so done with all of this, but he agrees to talk to the guy hoping to convince him it’s fine for Aizawa / UA to take custody.

Tenko & Katsuki talk on the phone for an hour, and by the end of their first conversation, Tenko isn’t convinced it’s fine and now Katsuki isn’t either.

Because, fuck, the guy actually sounded nice. And nothing he said was wrong either. Tenko was worried about the sports festival (and Katsuki has to admit, hearing an adult express concern for him & tell him what happened to him was bad for the very first time took a weight off his shoulders he hadn’t known he was carrying), he was worried about how UA had handled him so far, and he was worried what would happen if Katsuki didn’t have any outside figures to turn to in the future.

Several long phone calls later, including one between Aizawa & Tenko, and it’s been decided. While Katsuki will be staying at UA and living primarily in the dorms set up for international students (since Tenko lives quite a ways away), custody of him will be going to Tenko.

Aizawa isn’t exactly happy about it, but that law gives Tenko the first claim, and he has to admit that Tenko raises quite a few good points. After having spoken to him at length, Aizawa feels like he has Katsuki’s best interests in mind too.

Paperwork goes through, things are set in motion, and in the meantime, Katsuki keeps calling / texting with Tenko, slowly growing closer to his cousin. Turns out the two have a lot in common.

Tenko also have family issues and was adopted, which is why he appeared to go “missing”. In reality he’s just been living under a different name. His quirk is apparently related to his hands and also considered ‘dangerous’ although he doesn’t like to discuss it, and he and Katsuki are both very blunt people, meaning they get along great.

Finally, everything is said and done, and Katsuki is going to go on a weekend trip up to where Tenko lives to meet him in person for the very first time. He’s given a train station and told he’ll be met there, and he’s honestly kinda excited for it.

Throughout the court case, Aizawa was the only one from UA allowed to have access to all the records / be in contact with Tenko. He couldn’t even discuss things with anyone else.

Now it’s all over though, he’s in the staff room and only half engaged in the current planning session. Mostly focused on his phone / checking in with Katsuki.

Mic teases him about being worried, and Aizawa just mumbles that he’s still kinda unsure of this ‘Shimura’ guy.

All-Might, who is also at this meeting, does a spit take.

It takes several seconds for him to regain himself.

He’s sure he must’ve just misheard though.

"Ah, I'm sorry, I just got confused about something for a moment. What did you say the name of Katsuki's new parent was again?"

 “The guy’s legal name is Tenko Shimura, although he apparently stopped going by that awhile ago, which was why he came up as missing. He responded to a newspaper ad though and was able to verify his identity."

All-Might.exe has stopped working.

It has to be a coincidence. There's no way.

"Tenko... Shimura? His name, uh, well I used to know someone by that name. How old was he again? And why was he chosen?"

Aizawa is a little confused, but still not concerned, he just assumes All-Might happened to know the guy.

"He's 20, which is young to be taking on a kid, but he's properly prepared for. It was the quirk-relation law that set it in stone. Shimura is a distant cousin and has similar quirk to Katsuki, the specifics were a little hazy, but a dangerous hand-related quirk. Why?"

All-Might needs several seconds before he can speak.

“Tenko Shimura is Tomura Shigaraki.”

“... What?”

“Tenko Shimura, that was Tomura Shigaraki’s birth name. That’s- That’s him. There’s nobody else that could be.”

“WHAT?!”

Yeah, so they try to get in contact with Katsuki but it’s too late, Kurogiri already ‘picked him up’ and his phone is not working in the underground area he’s in.

Anyways, so Tomura introduces himself, and Katsuki spends awhile trying to fight him but not really getting anywhere until Tomura is finally able to convince him to let Tomura explain himself.

Katsuki is Upset, but also wants Answers.

Tomura reveals that he never lied, he was Tenko Shimura, and everything he told Katsuki was true. Truths were certainly omitted, but he never lied. And he has no bad intentions towards Katsuki.

He saw the newspaper ad, and having seen what happened at the sports festival, felt compelled to step in. He promises he just wants to be a good guardian.

And Katsuki does not want to believe that. He doesn’t.

Except, at the end of their scheduled time, Tomura just,,,, lets him go. No demands that Katsuki can’t tell anyone what happened, no threats, nothing.

Kurogiri just teleports him back out to some place near UA and bids him goodnight, very pleased to see Tomura taking this seriously & that he now has a grandchild.

Katsuki shows back up at UA, after 12 hours of them searching for him frantically, and he’s just as confused as they are.

Obviously, they try to remove custody from Tomura after that.

Problem: They can’t.

Between the bullshit law from before, and the fact Tomura has never actually been caught / arrested / charged with a crime, they legally cannot remove Katsuki from Tomura’s custody.

He would have to fail as a guardian for Katsuki in order for them to remove him. Until then, he’s got custody.

This is just something they’re going to have to live with.

Katsuki Is So Done.

When he goes into class on Monday, a very excited Kirishima greets him.

"So dude? How did visiting your cousin go? What was he like?"

"You know that guy who attacked us at USJ? The guy with the creepy hands who almost killed Aizawa?" 

“... Uh, yeah?”

“Turns out that’s my cousin.”

"Oh my god! What the hell dude! Are you okay???"

“Unfortunately, yes.”

Welcome to the Katsuki Shimura AU, where Katsuki’s life is weird and Parent-Teacher conferences get fucking awkward.

[waywardscorpio]

His Queen & Her King

Taglist: @callmekda @braunstrowmangirl @phoenixoffiretwo @luna-loo @scuzmunkie @fanfiction-san​ @superdakotawinchesterus​

Chapter 2

Warnings: Cursing, Violence, Pissed off Jeff, Readers Dad Triple H, Godfather Shawn Michaels and Uncles Kane and Undertaker, Pregnant!Reader kidnapped.

*Third Person POV*

*A month after the road trip and Jeff, putting another bundle of joy inside his mate*

Y/N was walking through the hallway of the arena while she had one hand on her belly and the other carrying her bag of food and drink. Her baby belly was a little more noticeable now. "Hey Y/N" Undertaker said. "Hey, Uncle Taker." She said looking up at him. "How are you doing?" She asked. "I'm doing fine. How are you and the little ones doing?" She looked up at him confused; because she thought she was only pregnant with one. "The doctor only said, one baby." She said softly. "You don't know do you?" He asked her. "Know what?" She asked. "You're a very rare type of human omega that can get pregnant even though you're already pregnant. It isn't dangerous to you or the babies. But it will put you in danger. Some Alpha's will do whatever it takes to have you and that includes holding you captive and breeding you to make soldiers or a small army" He said. He's older than some people actually know. "But I won't let any harm you." Taker said to her before walking down the hallway.

Y/N, let the words from Undertaker go around and around in her head as she walks to Jeff's locker room. "Hey, Babe." He replied as she walked into the room. "Hey, Darlin'," Y/N replied back to her as she was looking at him from across the room. "We need to have a talk tonight after work." She said to him as she looks at him. "Are you okay? Is the baby hurt? What is wrong?" Jeff said standing up and moving swiftly towards his love. "I am okay. The baby is okay. We just need to talk. I'm not leaving you before you even ask that question next." She said as she looks up at him rubbing his cheek. Jeff relaxed into her soft gentle touch.

"I think you should stay near Undertaker for my match. I have a feeling something is off and it gonna get ugly tonight." Jeff said getting an unsettling feeling that something isn't bad is going to happen and Jeff trusted Undertaker with Y/N's life more than anyone besides her parents. "But I'm supposed to go out there with you tonight Baby," Y/N said to him as she looked at him. "I know Babe, I want you to go out there too. But I have an uneasy feeling that something is going to happen tonight and I don't want you getting in the line of fire or our baby." Jeff said walking to her and carefully rubbing her belly. "Alright, I'll stay by Undertaker tonight." She said looking up at him.

Jeff walked Y/N to where Undertaker was at so, he knew she made it there safely and unharmed. "Hey Taker. Is it okay that she stays with you? I have an uneasy feeling that something is going to happen." He said looking at the taller male. "Yes, she is more than welcome." He said as he looks at a very reluctant Y/N. "As soon as my fight is over Baby, I will be right back here before going anywhere else." He said kissing her lips gently rubbing her cheek and her belly. "Please be careful out there tonight" She said resting her head against his chest. "I will Baby." Jeff said promising the love of his life he would be careful.

Jeff, walked out to the ring getting ready to fight tonight. "This match will be turned into 4 on 4 tag team match. It will be Jeff, Matt, Triple H and Shawn Michaels Vs Edge, Christian, Sheamus and Finn Balor." Lillian announce to the crowd and viewers at home to hear. Y/N's head shot up looking at the tv wide eyes. "No, that wasn't the match he was supposed to be in. Who changed it?" She exclaims looking up at Taker who grabs her hand and heading towards Stephanie's office. "Momma, Dad can't fight and Uncle Shawn can't either." Y/N held her belly on instinct. "I tried to stop the match before it was made. Someone changed it before consulting with us first. Nothing I can do to change it." Steph was furious that someone did this and was about to rip someone a new asshole. "Uncle Taker and Kane please take Daddy's and Uncle Shawn places. They can't fight and the person knows that. They'll be at a disadvantage." She pleads at the two males. Kane looks at Undertaker. "I'll fight tonight." Taker was having a internal battle with himself because he told Jeff, Y/N wouldn't leave his side till the match was over. "Please Uncle Taker" Y/N began to cry in desperation. "Okay Lil One. I will do it. But on the condition you stay by your mother at all times no mater what. Jeff will just have to understand." He said walking out with Kane, and heading to the ring. "I promise" She called out. She hugged her mother tightly. "I got you Baby Girl" She said hushing her Childs cries.

Lightening rang through the arena as Takers music came on and fire surrounds the ring. Jeff sees Kane and Undertaker walking down the ramp. "I have been informed that Triple H and Shawn, will be taken out the match and Undertaker and Kane will be put into the match instead." Lillian announce but silently sighs in relief. "Y/N is supposed to be with you" Jeff said to Taker quietly. "Calm Jeff. She begged us to come out because she knew you'd be at a disadvantage since her Daddy Triple H and uncle Shawn are still healing from two weeks ago. She didn't want you guys to take a chance yourselves considering you two have a tag team title match coming at WrestleMania." Kane said. "I much rather my pregnant mate be safe than myself." Jeff said. Kane and Taker understood his point but also couldn't leave their fellow wrestlers defenseless. "She is safe I promise you. She is with her mother and her momma's ready to rip someone a new Asshole." Undertaker said to him.

Jeff didn't fight with the older man. He knew Y/N, was safe either way. As the match got started Matt and Edge started it off. They didn't hold back on each other either. Lefts and rights were thrown hard and on purpose. "Come on Matt" Kane holler holding his hand out for Matt to tag him in. Matt kicked him Edge in the ribs which gave him the leverage he needed to get away from him so he can tag in Kane. Kane steps over the ropes and started hitting Edge with right, Lefts and wasn't giving him any breathing room. Edge uppercuts Kane when he gets the chance which stuns him and Edge is able to tag in Balor. He has a advantage for a few seconds before Jeff was tagged in and went to town on Balor. Jeff was letting his anger out on his opponent. "You got this Jeff come on" Matt said cheering on his brother. Jeff had twisted his arm behind him and leads him to his corner to tag in the Undertaker.

The match was drawing to a end when Undertaker was tagged back in. He hit Christian with the Tombstone Piledriver and with a count of three Jeff and the others got in the ring raising the Undertakers hand who won them the match. After the mini celebration in the ring everyone walked out. Edge stops Jeff to give him a message. "Hey look I know we aren't the best of friends but I wanna let you know that I saw someone watching your car earlier after you guys got here and someone was following Y/N. It is someone new because I don't know the persons face or scent." Edge said. "Thank you, Edge. I have an uneasy feeling tonight's not over with. whoever made this match done it on purpose but didn't expect Kane and Undertaker to step in." Jeff said to him. "Lita has been uneasy all night worried saying they're coming but didn't get to see their faces when she had a vision. Just be safe." Edge said before walking over to Lita. Jeff mouths a thank you to her. She only nodded her head in response.

Jeff walked to his mother-n-laws office and walked in. "Hey Baby. How are you and the baby?" Jeff asked his mate as he rubbed her back and belly knowing she is tired. "We are perfect. Just tired. How much longer till we can go home?" She asks her mate. "We will be staying with someone for a while. Just got a message from a friend that someone has been watching us and following." Jeff said to Y/N. She whimpered a little in fear. "What?" They heard Steph say. "Baby go get your stuff while I talk to your mom and dad okay?" She nods her head softly. Undertaker was in ear lengths and stayed near her walking her to the dressing room to get her things while Jeff talked to her parents. "Edge stopped me after the match to let me know that people have been following me and Y/N since we been here, and that the scent is unfamiliar and not known around here. He also mentioned Lita had a vision that someone is coming but she couldn't see their faces." Jeff said to Triple H and Steph. "Why are they after you or her or both of you?" Steph asked. "I don't know but I think is has something to do with her being pregnant by me." He said to her. "Whatever it takes you protect her, you here me?" Triple H said to him. "Yes Sir. I'll give my last breath to protect her if that's what it take for her to live." Jeff said unknowing that that statement was about to be put to the test.

While Jeff is taking to Steph and Triple H, Y/N is getting her stuff ready to go when the lights in the building suddenly shut off and came back on. In a blink of an eye Y/N was gone. Jeff ran down the hallway to his dressing room. "Holy hell. Taker are you good?" Jeff asked helping him up. "I was hit over the head after the lights went out. When they came back on she was gone." He said to Jeff, holding the back of his head. "It is newbies trying to rise up through the business so, their going after one of the top dogs here. Y/N's going to be their pawn to use as an advantage. They know no, one will do anything to harm her but they know you will go looking for her. If it comes down to it they'll do unspeakable things to her. Especially since they know she is able to get pregnant multiple times at once. She is a Human Omega it is rare for ones like her to be able to carry more than one baby at a time." Undertaker said to Jeff. Jeff paces thinking at what way he can approach this with out his Omega Mate getting hurt. "Jeff you aren't in this alone." Shawn said walking in the room with Kane, walking over to his brother and checking the back of his head. "We will fight with you over her" Triple H said. "Just be ready for a battle to start." Steph said.

"The battle started the minute the took her." Jeff said calm and deadly. Steph smiled to her husband knowing they picked a good man for their daughter. Jeff walked out to the ring and grabbed a mic. He was careful and tactical with his words even with how angry he was. He won't give the kidnappers the satisfaction to see his pain because once he does they have the power. "You come here" He said to a camera man. "Sir?" he said stepping in the ring with Jeff. "I want you to tape this live." He said. The male nods his head in fear sensing the anger and absolute power dripping off the man. He put the cam on his shoulder and began to tape. "I hope you sick fuckers are listening. You think it was wise for you take a mans pregnant mate. Especially a dangerous man like me who will stop at nothing to get her back. You wanted a battle? A battle you can't possibly come out standing on top. We will see who is left standing when I am done with you because you opened the gates of hell and stepped into my cage!!!" He said looking into the cam. "I won't be alone when I get my hands on you."

"Just know if she has so much as a scratch on her.. Well I show just how sadistic I am when I'm provoked or pushed." Jeff said. "Oh one more thing. Y/N Darlin' I'm coming for you." He adds. She heard her Alpha on the tv and she smiles to herself knowing the men that took her are about to know why Jeff is one of the most feared men in the Wwe besides Undertaker and Kane. "What are you smiling about whore?" One said. "You fucked up. You'll see just what he is going to do to you

[translytherins]

Unaccepted Permission Slip {Part 1}

Peter's P.O.V

[A/n: You can use the picture at the bottom as refrence also the picture isn't mine]

"Mr. Parker i will not accept this permission slip"

"Why not?!?!"

"Because your permission slip is signed by Tony Stark-Rogers and we both know that your internship is fake so just give it up and go home"

I was fuming "Fine!!!" I shouted and stormed out of the classroom. If your wondering what happened. Let me explain.

-Flashback-

I accidentally fell asleep in science class because well... I'm not dumb. I already know this stuff. Having Tony Stark-Rogers as a dad and as a mentor before that while also having Bruce Banner teach you has it's perks. I was woken up from sleep by Ned who was trying to shake me awake which definitely worked. Obviously. I lifted my head from my table only to see the teacher glaring at me. I don't know why but the teacher hates me with every bone in her body.

"Now that Mr. Parker is awake" she said glaring at me before she continued.

"We will be going on a field trip next week on Friday. The location will be a surprise but until then everyone must take one permission slip for your parents to sign.

Class dismissed"

Everyone packed their stuff and got up from the seat while mumbling excitedly about the trip. I couldn't care less about the trip but..whatever. I took one permission slip while receiving a (not so) deathly glare from the teacher and walked out of the classroom.

-End Of Flashback-

When i was a few blocks away from my school, i saw Happy waiting for me next to a limo. I went up to him and gave him an apology for the slight delay. He accepted and we both got in the limo with me at the back while Happy sat at the drivers seat and started heading home with me not talking much because i was still mad. Happy kept looking at me frome the rear view mirror but i payed no attention to that and kept looking out the window.

-Timeskip-

I got home and saw that none of my family members were at home probably on a mission. I walked into the living room and saw my (h/c) boyfriend reading on the couch. I smiled, walked over to him (sneakily) and backed hugged him making him drop his book while mumbling something under his breath in surprise. I started giggling at his cute face that he made.

(M/N) 's P.O.V

I was reading a book while waiting for the others to get back because even though I'm the newest member, they said it was "too dangerous" for someone as young as me (although I kicked all of their butts in one go)I was so deep invested with my book that i didn't even realise that someone was sneaking up behind me. When i did realise it, is when i felt someone back hugged me.

"Holy f*cking sh*t" i mumbled under my breath and dropped my book by accident. I heard someone giggling from behind me. I turned around and saw Peter giggling at me. I let out a playful sigh and glared at the giggling boy while picking up my book.

I continued reading my book which is a sign that I'm (slightly) pissed by his actions. He stopped giggling and walked around the couch so he was standing in front of me but i didn't look at him. He took my book, marked the page i was reading and placed it on the table. I was about to protest but he straddled me and kissed me. I melted instantly and kissed back. It got heated after a few minutes and we started making out with Peter on my lap. We we're so distracted that we didn't even realise that the others were back already just staring at us like the creeps they are. We pulled away when we heard someone coughing, trying to get our attention. We turned around and saw the Avengers standing there, some with there arms crossed (Steve, Tony, Loki, Vision, Bruce) while the others we're snickering in the background (Nat, Barton, Pietro, Wanda, Bucky, Sam). Peter was a blushing mess. When he turned to look at me and he saw the mischievous smirk on my face. I gently squeezed his butt and he gave a little squeak in return. He glared at me but my smirk didn't falter one bit. Revenge tastes sweet. He turned back to the others and smiled akwardly.

"Uhm... Hey dad..." Peter said akwardly.

"We'll talk about this later" Tony said with a glare and they left the room.

He turned towards me and smacked my chest while burying his face into my neck.

"I hate you"

"Love you too" i replied with a sly grin on my face.

-Timeskip to dinner-

Peter's P.O.V

Just another dinner night at Stark Tower. My dad was playfully arguing with Uncle Clint (yes i have to call them uncle and aunt except for Pietro and Wanda). Uncle Thor was eating pop tarts for dinner. Uncle Loki was struggling to use his utensils. Pietro was laughing hysterically at him for not being able to use them properly, pushing on Uncle Loki's buttons making him aggravated. Uncle Bucky and Aunt Nat were talking in Russia. The only normal one's were me, (m/n), Uncle Bruce, Vision, my pops aka Steve Stark-Rogers and Wanda. We we're just watching the scene play out infront of us. (m/n) and i was snickering at how childish they we're acting even though we're younger than them (except for Aunt Nat and Uncle Bucky. They looked like they we're talking about something important) until i remembered something.

"Hey Pops???"

"Yes Peter???" he awnsered looking at me.

"Is it okay if i stay home next Friday???"

When those words came out of my mouth everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at me suddenly intrigued by what i had to say.

"And why do you want to stay home???" Aunt Nat asked me and i knew i couldn't lie because this is Black Widow I'm talking to and she knows when someone's lie. I sigh in defeat.

"Well...you see..." and i told them about what happend with the teacher not accepting my permission slip and talking trash about me. After i explained all hell broke lose. Aunt Nat was sharpening her knives, Wanda and Loki had magic surrounding them, (m/n) had a little string of (f/c) fire twirling around his fingers, Thor was looking at his hammer probably contemplating how hard he can throw it, Uncle Clint was sharpening his arrows, Pietro feets were looking impatient, Uncle Bruce was turning a little green, Dad was typing something on his phone probably calling his suit, Uncle Bucky was clenching his metal arm and Pops was trying to calm himself down. Well...this is going to be a fun night. (note the sarcasm)

-The Next Morning-

Ned's P.O.V

I was on the bus sitting next to MJ who had her nose stuck in a book and i was looking out the window ignoring Flash yelling insults about Peter being a coward for not coming on this trip with us and about how he was right about his "fake internship" because the teacher told us we we're going to Stark Tower. I have been there on lots of different occasions, most of the time it's because i have an intern ship with Stark industries as well and it was all thanks to Peter. He is most definitely going to be there because he didn't show up to school. This isn't going to end well is it. Oh well... More entertainment and drama for me.

(M/N) 's P.O.V

I was in my room scrolling through my phonewith Peter snuggling into my side. He dies have his own room which is next to mine but he decided to sleep in my room because his dad doesn't really let us sleep in the same room but he does it anyways but i don't mind because i get to cuddle my little spider. I was looking at a cute cat photo which was playing with a leaf when i heard FRIDAY, Starks AI, greeting me.

" Good Morning Mr. (L/n). Tony Stark-Rogers has requested Peter to lead the tour for today at 10 later"

"Thanks Fri. I'll tell him when he wakes up"

FRIDAY hummed in acknowledgement and left. I put down my phone on the bed side table and i turned my body towards Peter which resulted with him cuddled into me and nuzzled his head deeper into my chest (if it was even possible at this point considering about how close we were already)

"Peter, Babe. Time to get up. Your dad said that you need to give a tour to some visitors later at 10"

Peter's eyes fluttered open but he just closed them again and nuzzled his head further into my chest.

"Do i have too? Can't i just cuddle with you?" he said while giving me his puppy dog eyes. I sighed.

"Even if I want to, I need to go on a mission with Clint, Pietro and Tasha in about... *glances at the alarm clock* 5 minutes so I have to go. But don't sweat it, the missions gonna take two hours at least. When I get back I'll come help you with the tour when i get back

Okay??? "

" Fine" he whined and gave me a soft kiss which i gladly returned.

I got up from the bed and went to the bathroom to get changed into my outfit which is a hoddie that is as strong as Steve's shield but still flexible, fluffy and comfortable to wear. I put on my fingerless gloves and headed back in my room. When I entered the room again and saw Peter scrolling through his phone. I smiled and walked towards him.

"Bye Pete, I'll see you later" i gave him a kiss on his forehead.

He smiled at me while i grabbed my shape shifting elemental sword and my wireless headphones. I know what your thinking. Why am i bringing a wireless headphones with me to a mission. Well...that's because i fight while listening to music. It enhances my ability to fight and makes it easier for me to use my elements. left the room while waving at him. I put on my (f/c) mask and headed towards where Pietro, Nat and Clint were at so we can get this mission over and done with.

-Timeskip-

Peter's P.O.V

I was sitting at the lounging room, waiting for the visitors to arrive while messing around on my phone. I heard the sliding door open and close but i didn't bother to look up because if they were the visitors, Alicia is going to explain how everything works and how to use the badges before giving them it. Only when she was done i would take over and show them the places that they have access to. While I was scrolling through Instagram, i heard Alicia call my name. I got up from my seat and walked towards them while still looking at my phone. When i reached them i looked up from my phone my eyes were wide as saucers because the visitors were my classmates!!! I have a lot of explaining to do aren't i...

"Uhh... Hey guys..." i said while waving at them awkwardly.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE PUNY PARKER!!!" Flash yelled at me with a hint of rage in his voice.

I rolled my eyes at him and responded to him in a sassy tone.

"I'm actually doing something useful in my life other than waste my time insulting someone. What are you doing???"

Flash was fuming with anger but didn't say anything else while the class, Alicia, Mj and Ned were chuckling because Flash just got told off.

"Okay Peter I'll leave it to you. See you later Mini G" she said while walking and waving.

"Later Alicia" i said while waving back at her before turning back to the rest of the class with stunned faces except Mj and Ned who were chuckling at Flash's stunned face.

"Anyways... I'm going to be your tour guide for today. So, unless you want to spend the rest of the visit outside the tour while the others have a good time, i suggest you keep your mouth if you have nothing nice to say because people at Stark Tower does not tolerate bullies especially Mr. Stark and Mr. Steve Rogers"

I didn't say there actual name which is Mr. Stark-Rogers because it isn't public yet that their married and no one definitely knows that tgey adopted a child aka me. But later on we're going to have a press conference revealing their marriage and me to the public. Flash looked slightly pale but didn't say any insults (or anything in that matter) and Mrs Warren was glarring daggers at me but i couldn't care less about what she thought about me at this point because all i want to do is get back to bed, wait until my boyfriend gets back from his mission and cuddle with him.

"Ok everyone. You need to scan the badges you got from Alicia and walk through the metal detector. You are also not aloud to take pictures during the tour. Any questions???"

Nobody raised their hands and i ushered them towards the scanner and the metal detector. One by one, everyone scanned their badges and walking through the metal detector (their phone don't count). F.R.I.D.A.Y announced their names, badge level and wether or not they have weapons or anything else dangerous. I let Flash walk through for demonstration (don't know why i did), F.R.I.D.A.Y announced his name in the same bored tone she always uses when it wasn't any of the avengers, me, Ned or Mj.

"Eugene Thompson, Omega badge level 2, no weapons"

He looked at me like he finally achieved something in his life. I rolled my eyes at his shit eating grin, scanned my badge (even though I didn't need to because I can scan my face and enter the building without having to waste my time with these badges) and walked through the metal detector.

"Peter, Delta level 10,no weapons detected. Hello Peter nice seeing you use the door once in a while" F.R.I.D.A.Y said with slight sarcasm in her voice but i just sigh in relief because F.R.I.D.A.Y didn't use my full name. But Flash just had to open his goddamn mouth and say something stupid like he always does.

"WHAT DID YOU MEAN USE THE DOOR ONCE IN A WHILE!!!HAVE YOU BEEN BREAKING INTO THE TOWER!!! HUH PUNY PARKER!!! AWNSER ME!!!"

I just ignored him which I do like 90% of the time and waited for the others to get through. While checking my watch to see how long i have left until (m/n) joins us.

-

Almost everyone has gone through except for Ned and Mj. Mj scanned her badge and walked through the metal detector without looking up from the book because she comes here to help Pepper with some business stuff. Oh!!! Did i forget to mention you that Mj is Pepper's assistant. I didn't??? Oh well moving on.

"Michelle Jones, alpha level 8, no weapons detected. Glad to see you Mj" F.R.I.D.A.Y greeted her happily.

"You too Fri"

Everyone's mouth was gaping because the Ai system recognised Mj. The last person was Ned and he got the same exact reaction from the class.

"Ned Leeds, alpha level 7, no weapons detected. Good evening Ned, i hope you enjoy your visit"

"I will Fri"

Flash was slightly annoyed that he didn't get the same treatment but beggars can't be choosers. I coughed slightly to get everyones attention and lead them towards the elevator so we can get started with the tour.

-

We reached the fifth floor so that they can look at the Avengers exhibition for the oldest and newest avengers. Everyone was looking awed and starstruck including Ned (who has been here loads of times) and excluding Mj (because she was still reading her book).

"Ok everyone you have an hour to look around and if you have any questions, you can come and ask me"

And just like that everyone was scattered all over the place looking at all the suits and weapons displayed. Of course they were just replicas of it. I walked around to make sure that they were no inconvenience. Everyone was mostly gawking at my iron spider suit that i got from dad and Elemental's mask, hoodie, headphones and his shape shifting sword especially Flash. He can only dream of wearing our suits. Let alone hold (m/n) 's shape shifting sword because have you seen that thing??? It's pretty epic if i do say so myself.

"Hey loser. Maybe you should explain more about the suits everyones gawking at" Mj said with a knowing smirk and looking up from her book for the first time since she entered the tower.

It's not really a surprise that she knows my relationship with (m/n) because the whole tower knows and thinks were a cute power couple. I returned her smirk and started to explain about the origins of the suits and (m/n) 's weapon.

"Well the Iron Spider was designed by Mr Stark for Spiderman when he was first offered a spot as an Avengers. He turned down the offer at first deciding just to stick on being a friendly neighbourhood Spiderman but he joined in the end after some complications"

I finished my explanation for the Iron Spider and looked at everyone. They were all listening to me very intently on the origins of the Iron Spider (with the exception of Mj who was still reading her book). I countinued onto Elemental's origin.

"Elemental is the newest member of the Avengers who joined almost a month ago. His sword can shape shift to any kind of weapon you can think of such as an axe, a bow and arrow, a bow staff and much more but i think that it be too long of an explanation if i kept going on. He can control natural elements which are fire, water, wind, ice, light, dark, and nature. Whichever power he choses has it's own abilities. He can also transport the elements into his weapon. For example if he was using an axe as a weapon and he transported his fire element into the axe it would turn into a fire axe. Any questions??? " I saw somebody raise their hand at the back.

"Yes you at the back" i said while pointing at the person at the back.

"How did the Avengers meet Elemental because he was annouced as one but nobody got an explanation"

"Good question. Well nine months before he was announced as an Avenger, the Avengers were in a battle with Red skull. They almost died when he was suddenly frozen and he was shattered tp a million pieces. They saw a silhouette of a person but his face was covered with a black face mask. After months of searching and researching for this person. At first he refused to join but he caved in the end after some persuasion by Spiderman. Anything else???? "

Someone was about to ask another question but Friday said that our time was up and that we had to mive on to the next part of the tour which was the mechanical workshop. I have a feeling that my Parker luck is gonna struck again but when has it not.

-

When we entered the workshop it was pure chaos. Dad was yelling at Clint something about almost ruining the mission Nat was sharpening her knife. Pietro was next to Clint holding his hand and (m/n) was fixing his motorbike whole wearing his wireless headphones, listening to music. So he was pretty clueless on what's going on around him. They all stopped what they were doing (with the exception of (m/n) who was to focused on fixing his motorbike) and smiled at us.

"Hey Pete boy what are you doing in these parts of the tower" Pietro asked while he suddenly appeared next to me. He put my head in a headlock and messed up my hair a bit before letting me go.

"I could ask you the same thing. Your not exactly trusted here" i said while fixing up my hair a bit. He put his hand on his heart while giving me a mocking gasp.

"I'm offended. Just because i zoom around the place that doesn't mean i broke anything"

Dad looked at him with a 'are you serious' look. Pietro did a damsel in distress look while sighing a dramatic sigh.

"I'm hurt by your words"

I just chuckled at his childish attitude while Aunt Tasha just exited the room. I swear Pietro is more dramatic than dad.

"While it was fun watching you joke around the class has a tour that (m/n) needs to take over. So i think it's time to take our leave. (m/n) time for you to take over!!!

(m/n) didn't move away from his motorbike so I'm guessing he didn't hear dad.

"(m/n)!!! Are you listening to me!!!"

"Don't worry Tony i got this" Pietro said with a mischievous grin on his face.

At the sidelines, everyone was mumbling to each other. Some of them were about being in the same room as their favourite superhero. While the others were mumbling about my internship being true. Flash was flushed red because i got noticed by them and not him.

(m/n) 's P.O.V

I was fixing my motorbike because someone *cough* Clint *cough* thought it was a good idea to "accidentally" knock over an expensive vase (which i think he did it on purpose) and he almost got shot if it wasn't for me jumping in with my motorbike and the latter decided it was a good idea to use an explosive arrows while I'm near the proximity. So, now i have a lot of things i need to repair on my motorbike. While i was fixing my motorbike, i was startled when someone yelled in my ear.

"(m/n)!!! Peter's in trouble!!!" Pietro yelled into my ear.

"What!!! Where!!!" i shouted with slight panic but i accidentally hit my head on my motorbike's turbo booster really REALLY hard because of how fast i lifted my head.

"Ow..." i said while closing my eyes and rubbing my head.

Whwn i reopened my eyes, again and saw a bunch of teenagers (is that the right way to describe them???) staring at me with wide eyes with a laughing Tony and Pietro and a blushing Peter (probably because i was worried about him getting hurt) . I was glaring at Pietro and Tony so hard that (f/c) flames started to surrounding me. They raised their hands in surrender, terrified that i might burn them if they continued. I smirked a victory smirk and the (f/c) flames disappeared. I took off my wireless headphones and walked towards Pietro and smacked his head really hard.

"Ow... What was that for???" Pietro whined while rubbing his sore head.

"That was for scaring me" i said and i started walking towards Peter. He blushed a darker shade of red while the teenagers behind him started giggling and whispering about how "hot and attractive" i was, but i just tuned them out and continued walking until i reached Peter. I wrapped my right hand around his waist and layed my head at the crook of his neck.

"Hey Pete sorry for not joining the tour earlier because someone decided to be stupid" i said emphasising the word someone someone while glaring at Clint who was now, sulking in a conner and was being comforted by Pietro. I just rolled my eyes and gave Peter a peck on his lips.

"Wait... PARKER IS DATING ELEMENTAL"

I looked over and saw a guy wearing a jacket, trying to look cool which he did horrible at.

"Yeah. What Peter never told you he was dating me. Pete, baby how could you not tell other people that you were dating this handsome dude"

I heard Tony snort at the word handsome while Peter just chuckled at my childness.

"As much as i want to mess around more. We need to get on with the tour. I'm assuming your going to be showing us around"

"Mhmm,nothing ever gets by you does it" i said while smiling fondly at him and kissed his cheek before unwrapping my hand around. I walked towards Tony, Clint and Pietro and shooed them out of the workshop. Once they were out , i turned towards the class with a soft smile which made everyone blush and drool (even the hoe of a teacher). I mentally rolled my eyes and pulled my (f/c) mask back on. I clapped my hands together and said,

"Let's get the show on the road now, shall we?"

-59 minutes later-

I looked at my watch and realised that i had one more minute until they had to get to the next part of Stark Towers. I decided to awnser one more question that they might have. For the entire time they've been in here i showed them some of the things that i made. For example, my motorbikes, electric cars, jets, mechanical wings for falcon, guns, Clint's arrows and pretty much anything you need i can make it. They all were impressed that i could make all of this and on top of that i gratuated school pretty early. Oh!!! Did i mention that I'm 17? No? Oh well,now you know.

"Alright everyone i only have time for one question before we move on onto the next destination of Stark Tower. So if anyone of you have a question don't be afraid to ask because you miggt never get this chance again" and instantly five hands were raised up but I pointed at the guy near me.

"How does Parker get not one but two look a like Avengers, fake badges and how much did he pay you to kiss him"

I felt my blood beginning to boil. My bangs covered my eyes but they were red with anger (A/n: Your eyes changes colour depending on the emotions) because how dare he thinks that my Petey will do something like that. The tempature in the room dropped making the class shiver. I started approaching him very VERY slowly with lightning trailing behind me, so i can scare him a little which worked. Everyone made sure to keep a good ten feet away from us. Peter looked terrified about what's going to happen but didn't move because he knew the consequences. ( A little hint. He didn't get kisses and cuddles from me for a week. He can go without those for two days)

When i was right in front of him, i tilted my head to the side revealing my glowing blood red eyes. I pushed him into a the nearest wall, trapping while shape shifting my sword into a darkness knife.

"One more bad word about my Petey. Your head won't be attached to your body after this. Got it!?!??!" i said while pressing my knife dangerously close to his neck. He nodded so fast that i would've mistaken him for Pietro except he got a much more bitchy attitude than Tony when he wants attention from Steve or when Clint was ignored by Pietro because he did a 'breaking up' prank (it was kinda funny seeing Clint begging to Pietro for two hours straight) and that's basically giving them a compliment.

I let go of him and told the others to wait outside to wait for the next part of the tour because I wanted to have a word with Peter. Everyone basically bolted out the room trying to stay on my good side. I turn towards a nervous looking and kinda sweating Peter. He visibly gulped because he knows he is in deep, deep trouble.

Peter's P.O.V

I feel like I'm screwed because not only did i not tell them about my salty teacher much earlier but i didn't tell them that i also have a bully on my track. He crossed his arms while tap his left foot impatiently waiting for an awnser. Well, here goes nothing let just hope he doesn't go on a killing spree.

-Timeskip after the explanation-

When i was done explaining, he was mad but surprisingly calm about the whole situation. He placed his hand on my shoulder and started talking.

"Look I'm not mad that you didn't tell me but if something like this happens again i want you to tell either me or the others because we care about you and don't want you to get hurt. Alright???"

I nodded my head while crying slightly and hugged him really tight like if i let him go i would lose him. I'm really thankful i have someone like him in my life. He chuckled and ran his fingers through my head and kissed my forehead before pulling away. He wiped my tears away and kissed me before pulling away. He pulled away from the hug and extended his hand to me.

"Come on Pete. We have a tour to get back to"

I smiled and took his hand letting him lead my hand outside towards the class to continue the tour.

-

I looked at my watch and realised that the tour was almost over. We only had two more destination which is the training room on level 20 and after that the class will meeting the rest of the Avengers. I mentally jumped for joy because my suffering is almost over. Not that I didn't enjoy it because (m/n)'s hand is always either on my hip or around my waist. He will give me a random pecks here and there. Mrs. Warren and Flash aren't picking on me because (m/n) kept giving them death glares but they still glared at me (i swear those two are oblivious) . So overall, I'm enjoying myself.

TBC (because I've passed my block limit 😅 but stick around for part 2!!)

[gumnut-logic]

Callisto (Arrival - Bit 1)

Prologue Incident - Bit 1 | Bit 2 Fallout - Bit 1 | Bit 2 | Bit 3 Voyage - Bit 1 | Bit 2 | Bit 3 Arrival - Bit 1

And here we are back on our way out to Callisto with a bunch of grumpy Tracys, their Dad, their Uncle and a former enemy. It’s all sunshine and lollipops...not. :D But there is some great scenery :D

As always, many thanks to @tsarinatorment​ @scribbles97​ @janetm74​ and @onereyofstarlight​ You guys are absolutely amazing and so patient with my crazy. Bri, you are a great teacher for a dunderhead like me :D

Anyways, here we are back on board the Excel. I hope you enjoy. :D

-o-o-o-

Part Three

Virgil ended up dosing Gordon as the aquanaut turned positively green after the second jump.

He dragged his brother to the infirmary and made him lie down for the rest of the ion pause. Gordon protested the anti-nausea injection, but Virgil wasn’t willing to risk airborne innards. He was barely holding it together himself.

John, surprisingly wasn’t much better. Not that the casual observer would be able to tell. His space brother was the master of self-control. But Virgil could see the tightness around his mouth, the slightly pale cast to his skin…he kept an eye on him.

By the third jump, Virgil was dosing himself with anti-nausea meds.

It was the oddest feeling. His body wanted to register it as a g-force, but it wasn’t quite the same. It hit his stomach and his head and it was like spinning in both directions at once.

Ergh, even thinking about it was nauseating.

John didn’t need any medication. Or so he claimed. As far as Virgil was concerned, it came damned close. He kept an eagle eye on his space brother anyway.

As for the rest of the crew...Scott and Alan didn’t appear to even notice the issue, their Dad grunted a little and Uncle Lee made several salty comments.

Michael just arched an eyebrow when Virgil queried him.

Before the fourth jump he forcibly dragged them all through the tiny sickbay, just in case.

The whining was extensive.

But this was new technology. A threat to call back to Grandma was all it took to shift both his father and Uncle Lee. Who could have known their uncle was mildly terrified of their grandmother.

His father was rather amused. The story behind that one was not fully divulged, but it lightened the atmosphere a little.

Michael worshipped Mrs Tracy, as he called her, and was out of his seat so fast, he created eddies in the artificial atmosphere.

Virgil was not going to question that one at all.

Ultimately, Virgil didn’t find anything wrong with any of his brothers or the others, but he did record all observations. Perhaps the reason could be found and negated sometime down the track.

In the meantime, Gordon and himself were suitably drugged up and Alan’s smart-ass comment on the matter stamped on by Scott.

Finally, thank god, they emerged from the fifth jump and Alan was able to shift to more familiar spaceflight permanently.

Beside Virgil, Gordon let out a relieved sigh.

The ship shuddered as the ion engines were once again engaged. Alan’s skill was ever so prominent and Virgil felt nothing but pride for his little brother. He must remember to mention it to the squirt later on.

John, still looking a little green, ran his fingers over his board and brought up their forward view on the main ‘projector.

“Well, I have to say that is quite a sight.” Dad’s voice was suitably awed.

Virgil’s jaw dropped.

Jupiter.

It was massive.

And far more impressive in person than through a telescope.

The huge gas giant was still distant, but the sun behind them lit it up in all its glory. Its brilliant swirls of colour were in such contrast to the black around it, it was like a hole in the fabric of space-time, a window to another dimension.

Its iconic red spot glared at them like an eye.

Virgil knew the planet well from both photographs and Five’s telescopes. Its colours were fascinating and inspirational. He’d done a few pours in acrylic to emulate the gaseous agitation with mixed results. One hung in John’s room, even. But nothing compared to this.

“That is one honkin’ great big ball o’ gas.”

Virgil flattened his gaze and glared at the back of Uncle Lee’s head. Beside him, Gordon snorted.

Typical.

On the hologram, labels suddenly appeared identifying each of the features in the space-scape. Ganymede coasted slowly on the left, Io was a tiny dot casting a shadow on Jupiter’s surface and an arrow pointed out where Europa was obscured by the giant planet.

Jupiter’s ring was located, along with several of its seventy-odd asteroid moon hoard.

A glance at John had Virgil smiling. The expression on his space brother’s face was a sight to behold. It was as if he had discovered the holy grail…which, considering the importance of the Jovian system, was a good analogy.

This was John paradise.

“Receiving recognition signal from Callisto.” His space brother’s expression shifted to one of quiet amusement as his fingers poked his console.

“How the hell did you get here so quick?!” The hologram that suddenly appeared in the middle of the cockpit was energetic to say the least. Graeme Walters was a bald, heavy-set man in his fifties. Fiery eyes set deeply below steel grey eyebrows were striking by themselves, but it was the extravagant moko that was the dominant feature of his expression. The black etched design on the entirety of the right side of his face spoke of his mother’s Maori ancestry.

Those dark eyes didn’t wait for an answer as they glanced around, only to fixate on Virgil’s father. “Jeff?”

“Hey, Gray. Long time, no see.”

The man stared for a long moment, lips pressing together. A drawn in breath. “Good to see you, Space Jockey.” The relieved smile that infused his face was a big one.

But it didn’t last long.

Scott spoke up. “Mr Walters, we are responding to your distress call. What is your situation?”

Dark eyes flickered to the commander, a frown forming between them. “Ju and Kate were exploring the caves beneath the Base. They extend for hundreds of kilometres in all directions. They took three staff and one of our spelunking crawlers towards the north. Kate is fascinated by the Asgard impact zone and in particular Burr crater. They had planned to be gone a week. We lost contact yesterday, only two days in.” A map appeared in the hologram. “We think they made it to Burr, but we are unsure as our sensors are swamped with interference.”

“Interference?” John sat up straighter. “Send me a radiological profile of the area.”

Walters blinked and gestured at something out of range. “It’s yours. Though I’m hoping that big fancy rocket you’re riding has more bang for its buck than our orbital.”

John’s voice was calm. “I can assure you, Mr Walters, we have plenty of bang.” His brother was intent on his console, frowning at whatever the Base commander had sent him.

“Good.” He turned back to Jeff. “Looking forward to a beer in your honour, Jeff. Park your rocket in orbit and I’ll see you down here asap.” A curl of his lips. “Watch the Jefferson. I’ve just had her waxed.” The hologram blinked out.

“The Jefferson?”

Nobody answered him and the cockpit was suddenly quiet.

Virgil wondered if it was pure accident his father didn’t know or if Scott and John had left the name out of the briefing on purpose. Hell, why hadn’t Uncle Lee told him? Perhaps they had meant to approach Dad later in private. Perhaps Virgil should have done that himself, but the rush to leave…

Damn.

The massive space hauler that had brought the Callisto mission to the moon had left Earth in 2056 a year after their father had gone missing.

Virgil sighed internally. ‘Gone missing’ was a euphemism for ‘died’ that they all used. They didn’t name spaceships after people they thought might be coming back.

“On approach.” Alan’s words snapped him out of his thoughts.

His little brother tweaked the view on the main projector.

Dad was tight-lipped as he stared up at the scene.

Jupiter still hung in the distance like a massive Christmas ornament, but its second largest moon was swelling in the foreground.

Callisto was a moon of rock and ice. Unlike her sister, Europa, the surface was not one continuous blanket of white. More a cratered wasteland, the moon’s ancient crust sparkled like it was dusted with glitter. As the Excel powered into orbit, that glittery surface turned its eye towards them.

And it was an eye. Not like the red spot that continued to stare at them from Jupiter, but a single massive crater outshining the millions of smaller ones, glaring up at them from the surface.

Words appeared on the display yet again. Valhalla.

“Wow. Something hit hard.” Gordon’s voice beside him was little more than a whisper.

The Excel swooped past and around the moon, turning away from Jupiter as she caught the curve of a new orbit. Virgil’s attention was focussed on Callisto, so he didn’t see the approach of the other ship at first.

“There she is.” Alan’s voice was awe itself. “The Jefferson Tracy.”

“You let them name a ship after me?”

Again that silence enveloped the cockpit.

Scott sighed. “It was a sign of respect, Dad.” His eyes were sad as he looked up at the display.

Jeff stared at the commander for a long moment. Scott simply stared back, the expression on his face enough to clench Virgil’s heart.

Uncle Lee was either oblivious or strategic in his words. “Jeff, she is a beauty. Just look at those engines. She hauled the entire base all the way out here and didn’t blink.” He grinned at the ship as she slowly floated past. There were enough similarities in design between the Jefferson and Thunderbird Two in the way the hauler carried chained ‘modules’ and sported a massive rocket on her backend for Virgil to admire. But she was many times the size of his ‘bird, had never seen planetfall and never would, having been built in space.

Zero X technology had been the next step in space exploration.

The Zero X had failed.

The Jefferson was the result. Alternate technology named after the man the original technology had taken.

Most of her modules were missing and no doubt deployed on the moon, but the hauler was still massive, her giant hull decked out in blue and silver.

A splash of red on her bow completed the illusion. While she was built more like a giant Thunderbird Two, she drew her paint job from a much smaller craft.

“Well, that looks familiar.” Gordon murmured beside Virgil.

He had to agree. Even the white lettering down the side of the huge craft that spelt out their father’s name was an echo of the Thunderbird lettering down One’s flank.

“Why?” Their father didn’t specify who he was addressing, but it wasn’t necessary.

Scott sat straighter in his seat. “As I said, they wanted to show their respect. I couldn’t see the harm. Tracy Industries was a major sponsor, after all.” And they had been hurting.

Bad.

Virgil remembered far too well. Scott had received the request after a long and hard day. He had been vulnerable and had sought out Virgil’s counsel.

It had been like declaring Dad dead and it had hurt so much. But the opportunity to see their father so recognised, so esteemed by the planet he had sacrificed himself for…in the end there had been no question of giving permission.

It was what their father would have wanted.

They hadn’t expected him to actually see the Jefferson Tracy.

Again Uncle Lee spoke up, this time his voice was unusually quiet. “Berry and Ju just wanted you to keep them safe, Jeff. You were our lucky charm, after all.”

Virgil’s father frowned at the engineer.

Jeff opened his mouth, but Alan cut him off. “Orbital stability achieved and locked in.”

The Jefferson passed them at a respectable distance on its own orbital trajectory and sailed off towards the moon’s curved horizon. Below them, another very large impact crater slowly rotated into view.

The word ‘Asgard’ appeared on the display.

Scott’s voice was sharp as he unstrapped himself. “That’s our target. John, what are the specifics?”

The astronaut turned his seat around to face them all. “The Base is contained within Doh crater, part of the Asgard complex.” An arrow appeared on the display pointing at a tiny shadow at the centre of the massive crater. “The docking facilities are large enough to support Thunderbird Three. Alan, I recommend a rear landing. Let’s not drill a hole in their hangar.”

“Well, yeah, derrr.”

Gordon piped up. “No, it’s D’oh, little bro.” The aquanaut grinned.

John did not roll his eyes. Not quite.

Virgil had no such control and just groaned.

“What? I’m right, aren’t I?”

“Gordon.” Scott’s voice was firm, but Virgil could see the slight crinkle around Scott’s eyes and appreciated Gordon’s effort to break up the atmosphere a little.

John ignored both of them. “Gravity is only 0.126g, even less than Earth’s Moon, so no stupid stunts.” Virgil wasn’t going to argue with the glare John sent in Scott’s direction, but when Uncle Lee picked up on it, the snort was a big one.

“It will be like being home on Alfie again.” The whack Lee planted on their father’s back was a solid one. “Hey, Space Jockey.”

The glare Dad shot at Uncle Lee was scathing. “Don’t you start.”

“Oh, it’s all coming back to me now.”

Virgil’s father grunted in disgust.

Uncle Lee only grinned more.

“We have a mission here, people.” Scott glared at all of them.

That shut up everyone and Virgil felt like throttling his brother. They were on pace. The break in tension was worth the moment.

Virgil straightened. “We have a number of pods available. I recommend a combination of all-terrain. We have the Dragonfly geared for low gravity environment, but it will depend on the size of these caves. John?”

“I’ve only just begun analysis, but as the Commander Walters said, Base sensors are badly compromised. I’ve tapped into the Jefferson with similar results. Using Thunderbird Five I hope to locate and negate the issue. Eos is working on it as we speak. My focus once the last communications buoy is connected, will be finding lifesigns and assistance with mapping the reported caves.”

“Thank you, John. Alan, you’re in Thunderbird Three. Virgil and Gordon, you’re with me. Dad-“

“I’m going down with you, Scott.”

“Me, too.” Uncle Lee was virtually bouncing in his seat.

Scott’s lips pressed together. “As I was saying, gear up and I’ll see you in Thunderbird Three.” The commander’s eyes flitted to Virgil ever so briefly, but the medic got the meaning immediately.

Medical supplies would be fully stocked.

Scott pushed off from his chair.

“Thunderbirds are go.”

-o-o-o-

Next

[trashmenofmarvel]

Branded - Chapter 22

Pairing: Demon!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Putting aside your doubts and trepidation, you finally show Bucky how you really feel.

(This is a fan AU of Falling’s Just Another Way to Fly by @araniaart​ . Please check out this incredible series for all of your demon Bucky needs.)

Chapter Warnings: Alcohol use, explicit sexual content with a non-human entity

AO3

Operation: Seduce Bucky Barnes… had stalled.

There you’d been, standing in the snowfield, bathed in moonlight like a scene straight out of a romance. He’d been right there, shirtless and too unbelievably gorgeous to be real.

It was The Moment you were looking for. The one for heartfelt confessions and hasty, frantic kisses that had been building up for weeks.

And you froze. Completely and utterly froze.

What if Bucky was only being nice? you asked yourself. Maybe he was trying to make an effort to be friendlier and you were completely misreading his intentions.

By the time your frantic thoughts had been corralled back where they belonged, it was too late. Bucky had taken back his shirt with a small, sheepish expression, and replaced his clothing and guise, looking as if he hadn’t been flying a hundred feet in the air with you moments before.

The reason the opportunity had passed right over your head? You were still too afraid of what would happen if Bucky rejected you. The tenuous not-knowing how he truly felt about you was almost preferable to having an answer that would be devastating.

But that wasn’t what this was supposed to be about. It was about Bucky, about making him feel appreciated and wanted and loved. If that’s not what he wanted from you, then… at least you’d know. Even if it killed you a little more every time the bond had to be sated.

So: the mission was still on, but you needed some serious help, and this help happened to come in the form of rum-spiked egg nog. The whole family was participating, even Bucky; it was the perfect opportunity to get inebriated just enough to smother your cowardly doubts.

Which was how you wound up on the couch, legs draped across Bucky’s lap as you sipped on your drink. One by one, your mom, aunt, and uncle headed off to bed, leaving the two of you alone in front of the small lit fireplace.

The room was dark aside from the flickering flames, filling the room with a sleepy kind of coziness that made one want to cuddle up to something warm. It would have been perfect, only you were slightly too inebriated for grand romantic gestures, and also, Bucky was too comfy and you didn’t want to ruin the moment.

So you just laid there, eyes closed, until a hand took the mostly empty glass out from your fingers before you could drop it on the carpet. You opened your eyes and smiled sleepily, snuggling deeper into the cushions.

“That stuff do anything for you?” You pointed your chin at the glass in his own hand. Bucky softly snorted.

“No.”

“Shame.”

He finished off the rest of his glass, not even wincing at the burn of the alcohol. Or maybe there wasn’t much in it. You’d definitely made yours on the strong side.

“Still like the taste,” he remarked, smiling a little. “Reminds me of Christmas when I was a kid.”

You gasped and held a hand to your chest.

“They let you kids drink alcohol?”

Bucky released another snort and leaned back further into the back of the couch, setting a large hand on your shin. He traced the side of your calf with a warm thumb. It felt very, very nice.

“Guess you’ve never heard of a hot toddy before.”

The teasing smirk on his lips made you want to reach for your glass of eggnog and drown it in one go. Bucky was way too pretty to be in your life, let alone your house. How the hell was this your life?

You turned back to his comment and scrunched your face in concentration, trying to recall the phrase, and also trying to decide if he was fucking with you about having booze as a kid.

“Hot whiskey, honey, and water,” he supplied helpfully, still smirking at you sinfully. “Sometimes sugar or spice if Ma could get it. Gave it to us when we were sick and… I could swear it worked.”

He had a far-off expression as he spoke, the teasing smile turning into something more fond and wistful.

You propped yourself up on one elbow so you could get a better view of his face. To make sure you weren’t crossing any lines with your questions, of course.

“What were they like? Your family?”

Bucky’s gaze dropped to the carpet, and for a moment you thought your question would go unanswered and if you’d made a mistake by asking. But then he began to speak, about his mother and father, and more fondly, about his younger sister Rebecca. How much he missed her, and that while she had passed away years ago, she’d been survived by her adult children. Bucky had nieces and nephews he’d never met, who didn’t even know he was still alive.

When you suggested meeting them someday, he shook his head quickly, a dark pall over his expression.

“It wouldn’t be safe. HYDRA was around hundreds of years, I can’t believe they’re gone now. Even if they were, I’m still… It would be better if they believed I’d died a long time ago. Better for them to never know that demons are real and their uncle is one of them.”

You frowned, not understanding. Hadn’t your life gotten immeasurably better since Bucky had been in it? Sure, there was the terrifying, almost-dying parts, but… everything else more than made up for it. But how to get Bucky to see what you saw?

You’d said all the right words to him. Your relationship had definitely improved, but it wasn’t enough. Words weren’t going to cut it.

Taking a slow breath, you sat up and pulled your legs off Bucky’s lap, curling them beneath you. He snapped out of his dour brooding to give you a look, one brow raised.

“I want to see you,” you said.

The eyebrow rose higher on his forehead.

“Everyone’s asleep.” You lowered your voice, softer. “Let me see you.”

Bucky’s close scrutiny caused the warmth under your skin to turn into a flush, but you weren’t going to back down. The alcohol had made you bold, or maybe it was the impatience.

You waited, unyielding, and eventually the tension in his shoulders loosened. The guise melted away, shimmering in the air like a mirage, revealing everything that Bucky tried to hide but you could only love.

He removed his jacket, exposing the black t-shirt that hugged his chest unfairly, but he didn’t spread his wings, leaving them drawn up against his back. When Bucky set his jacket on the end of the couch, you leaned forward, one hand outstretched, but you paused before it could make contact.

“Can I… touch you?”

His eyes darted between your hand and your face, appearing dubious about the thing you wanted to touch seeing as your fingers were inches from one swept-back horn, but eventually he nodded.

“Like I said,” he murmured, “you can touch me whenever you want.”

His eyes were dark, voice so low it was gravelly, and the monkey part of your brain screeched danger! danger! at the presence of what was clearly an apex predator.

You’d never been one for self-preservation, though.

Your fingers touched the edge of the horn closest to you. You’d always liked them. They were rigid and angled backwards but slightly up, like an especially annoyed cat. The texture was hard but lightly spiraled, and interesting pattern that you traced up to the tip.

Bucky had gone very still, watching you out of the corner of one eye as he barely breathed.

“Can you feel this?” You continued to stroke along the horn, marveling at the pattern you’d somehow never noticed before.

“Not really.” His voice was as stiff as his posture. “I can sense the vibrations your fingers are causing, but I can’t feel it directly.”

“Mmm,” you hummed thoughtfully as you continued your journey downward until you reached the soft strands of his hair. When you pressed them against his scalp, Bucky shuddered, and you paused.

“Is this okay?”

Bucky made a small noise that turned into his clearing his throat.

“It’s-it’s fine.”

“Tell me if you want me to stop.”

“It’s fine, I mean it.”

“All right.”

You sounded pretty damn steady for someone who was internally going oh fuck, he feels nice, oh shit, he smells nice too. As many times as you’d been physically close with Bucky, you’d never really been intimate. Getting to actually touch him just for the sake of touching him, and not as it being a byproduct of the feeding, was… so much different.

There was warmth in your stomach that had nothing to do with alcohol as you gently massaged the crown of his head with your fingers. Bucky’s eyelids fluttered, gaze losing focus as you continued to knead little circles into his scalp.

How long had it been since he was touched like this? It had been a long time for you, but it could have been decades for him.

When his expression was blissful and his posture more lax, you moved to the other side of his head towards the ear facing away from you.

“What about these?” You barely touched a tapered ear when Bucky gave a full-body shudder.

“Those are… more sensitive.”

A complete understatement judging by the way the plates on his arm shifted and his tail wrapped around your thigh. He must not have known what it was doing because he didn’t look down. It was fascinating something as simple as rubbing his ear made him react so strongly.

You leaned over him, chest pressing against the bared armor plates of his shoulder, right over the carved pentagram. You weren’t trying to be seductive or coy; you were leaning on him for balance as you moved your hand down the back of his head. Your plan had been to keep going until you got to the shell of his folded wings.

But the noise he made when your fingertips brushed against his nape, it was unmistakably a sharp, strangled moan. You gave another experimental run of your fingers up the back of his neck, and Bucky shuddered again. Your gut coiled with unexpected heat at his hair-trigger responses.

Holy fuck.

Steeling your nerves, you swung your leg over his, placing yourself firmly on his lap. There was still some space between you as you were perched on his thighs, but not much. His body heat at this distance was practically blazing, but you focused kneading your hands along the bunched muscles of his shoulders.

“What… are you doing?” His voice was strangled, blue eyes wide.

“Touching you.”

Bucky sighed and gently took your wrists and drew them forward, holding them in his claw-tipped hands.

“No, what are you doing?”

You didn’t know what answer to offer him, one that would fit into words, so you met his questioning gaze as he held your wrists. An impasse.

Moving your hands forward, he blinked and let you go, eyes locked onto your face as you carefully, gently cupped his face in your palms. The stubble tickled against your skin, but he was so warm. Real. Alive.

His eyes widened in surprise as you stroked your thumbs against his cheeks. You savored every small change in his features as he tried to figure you out when you yourself had no solid plan yourself. There was only you and Bucky, and this was how you always wanted it to be.

You leaned down, slowly as to give him time to pull away, and hovered over his lips.

He didn’t move an inch, his breath stilled in his chest as he waited for your next move.

You crossed the small distance left between you, pressing your lips to his so lightly that you almost couldn’t feel it. Just a light pressure, faint warmth and unbelievable softness.

At Bucky’s lack of response, you pulled away. He was completely locked up under you, still not breathing, and when you opened your eyes he was staring without blinking.

Doubt sat heavy in your stomach. Should you have done this? What if it wasn’t what he wanted? What if he didn’t want you?

There was no mistaking your feelings now; he would have to reject them, and every time you fulfilled the bond it was going to slowly destroy you.

You shouldn’t have kissed him, shouldn’t have thought up this stupid, stupid plan—

Arms looped around your back and pulled you forward, slotting you against Bucky’s torso as he cradled the back of your head. His lips were on yours in an instant, demanding and hard.

A fire ignited low in your belly, one that had nothing to do with the mark on your shoulder. You wrapped your arms around Bucky’s neck, drawing your thighs tighter around his waist as you opened your mouth to him. He took the invitation immediately, delving his tongue inside as he curled his claws into your hair.

Bucky lifted you both from the couch and you clung tighter to him so you wouldn’t fall, but he held you securely, lips never leaving yours as he somehow navigated the stairs to the second floor.

You’d expected Bucky to place you on the bed, but instead he set you down in the middle of your old bedroom. When he broke the kiss and stood back, you tried to chase his lips while making a noise of frustration.

Bucky gave a crooked grin that showed he knew exactly what he was doing to you, evidenced by the way he pulled off his shirt, leaving him bare-chested.

You were torn between wanting to undress yourself and needing to touch him. You settled for clumsily stripping off your shirt and immediately returning your hands to his chest, fingers mapping over the hardened muscles and stopping at the scared edge of his left shoulder.

Bucky’s smile faded and he parted his lips to say something, but you ran your fingers over the scars, gentle over the rough skin. Skin you hadn’t realized until now looked like claw marks, as if someone had tried to tear the limb off.

Your heart ached as you continued on to trace your fingers over the grooved edges of his plates. They shifted restlessly under your touch, much like the demon himself as he shuffled on his clawed feet.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked quietly.

Are you sure I’m who you want?

Even now, he was giving you an out. Not understanding you’d made your choice a long time ago.

You leaned against him and pressed your lips against where scarred flesh met hardened carapace. You kissed all the way down to his mark, a mirror image of your own, in answer to his question.

Evidently, it was enough to finally break through whatever doubts were still holding Bucky back. In one swift movement, he unclipped your bra and pulled it off your shoulders, forcing your hands to drop from his shoulders. He quickly replaced them, not on his chest but on his belt buckle.

The fire in your gut reignited, different from how it usually was. Even though you only had a couple days left until Bucky would need to feed again, your mark lay dormant and painless. Everything your body was doing right now was a hundred percent you. Which meant you were slightly awkward, flustered, and flushed.

You fumbled at Bucky’s belt, finger shaking as he chuckled against the bare skin of your shoulder. It was the only warning you got before he pressed his lips against the side of your neck, and you had to struggle to pull the belt from its loops as your knees trembled.

Damn demon didn’t even seem bothered as his hands roamed over your waist and back. It was completely unfair.

Once you unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, you got your revenge by sliding your hand inside and grasping a hand around his—oh, fuck, you’d forgotten how massive and not-human his cock was.

A deep growl rumbled in his chest as he quickly tugged off your pants and underwear, his movements still controlled but just on the edge of it. He yanked off his jeans and picked you up, laying you gently on the bed before you could flounder at the loss of balance.

You stared up at him, already panting as you clutched onto his shoulders, hips wriggling to search for some kind of friction against your aching heat. Bucky hovered just above you, thighs spreading your legs as he knelt between them, pupils blown but brows pulled at an uncertain angle.

Frustrated and impatient, you wrapped your legs around his waist. Something curled around your ankle and you grinned; at least one part of Bucky was fully onboard.

You opened your mouth, to say what you weren’t sure, but you never got the chance. His mouth closed over yours, tongue licking at the seam of your lips, and you groaned and opened them willingly.

The drag of his cock against your abdomen was pure torture, and no matter how much you tilted your hips upwards to rub against it, Bucky wouldn’t push inside. He was teasing you.

It was a wonderful torture, your body writhing every time the strange ridges of his cock dragged along your folds. You desperately rutted against him, but everything Bucky denied between your legs he gave to your mouth, kissing in a way that was obscene and filthy. You’d known his tongue was long and dexterous, but it was like he was fucking your mouth, tongue pushing in and out as it coiled around your own.

“Bucky, please,” you groaned when he finally let you come up for air. He trailed kisses down your jaw to your neck, lapping at you with that sinfully long tongue.

You rolled your hips to make your point, whimpering when one of the soft ridges passed right over your clit. Bucky wasn’t unaffected, either. His breathing was hitched and uneven, and precum was smeared all over your stomach.

Without even thinking, you scooped up some of the mess on your finger and popped it in your mouth, closing your eyes to focus on the unique taste. Slightly salty but distinctly Bucky.

When you opened your eyes, Bucky was staring, mouth slightly agape. You quickly removed your finger, face heating, but Bucky didn’t let you stew in your embarrassment.

He kissed you hard, tongue licking into your mouth to taste himself as he put one arm under your hips. Completely unprepared as the tapered head of his cock pushed past your folds and opened you up.

You cried out against his lips, clutching his shoulders tightly as he continued to push, stretching you impossibly wide as you took every inch of him.

Bucky broke the kiss when you made another overwhelmed noise, his breathing uneven and hitched, voice strained.

“Are you… did I…”

“I’m fine.” You gave a quiet, breathless laugh. “Did I ever… tell you… how insanely huge you are? F…fucking… feels like I’m being… murdered.”

Bucky’s eyes rounded in horror, and this time, you giggled, wincing as you tightened around him. Terrible idea, because it also felt really good, and now you were rolling your hips against him again.

“Please, don’t stop. I’m only half-kidding,” you gasped out when you could breathe again. Bucky made a choked noise and buried his face against your neck, groaning.

“You can’t just… say things like that.”

“Why. Is it hot?”

“Fuck.”

Bucky gripped your hip tightly as he started to ground down against you, testing his shallow thrusts. You tried to stay quiet because there were still people in the house, but at least there was a bathroom between your room and the others. There was no way you were going to stay silent, not with Bucky’s perfect cock splitting you open.

When he began to move, all you could do was bite down on his shoulder to keep from screaming. It shouldn’t have been possible for anyone to take a cock of that size, yet you did. It didn’t hurt, but each thrust was overwhelming. A jolt of pleasure accompanied each one, your heart thudding wildly as you gradually tightened around him.

Bucky placed desperate kisses along your neck as if starved for it, each powerful move of his hips driving him deeper. Something tore next to your head, his claws ripping a hole in the pillows. You didn’t care, drowning in the scent and sound and feel of Bucky to mind the state of your bed.

Your legs trembled, nails digging harmlessly against the hardened base of his wings. They were open now, curled over you both. Possessive and shielding.

“B-Bucky… I…”

You whimpered pitifully as he kissed along your jaw with that same fevered need.

“I know, I know, it’s okay.”

You squeezed your eyes shut and whined, so close to the edge it was maddening.

“Come for me, sweetheart.”

You wailed before your voice cut out altogether, unable to breathe as your body tensed around him.

Bucky groaned and fucked you through the orgasm, murmuring assurances and praise. You were barely coherent, your body squeezing him as if trying to milk him dry.

His hips stuttered and he followed you soon after with a sharp cry, muffled as he buried his face in your hair. You could sense the actual pull of energy, flowing through your body as you fed him, and it made for an unearthly orgasm.

You winced as you still pulsed around him, quickly growing oversensitive, but Bucky had stopped moving and laid on top of you. You half-expected him to get off you and regret what he had done.

Instead, he turned his head and kissed you on the temple. You huffed a quiet laugh, pulling an unexpected smile from you.

“What’s so funny?” he mumbled, sounding completely blissed out as he nudged the side of your cheek with his nose.

“You.” Rubbing your hands up and down his back, you reveled in his closeness, practically drunk on it. “I… wanted to do this for a long time.”

“Me too.”

You groaned in complaint when he finally moved off of you. He wasn’t gone for long, returning with a warm, damp hand towel from the bathroom. You really hoped Mom wouldn’t a buck-ass naked demon in the hallway.

As he cleaned you up, so gently that you wanted to cover your face with your hands, you asked, “What do you mean, me too?”

Bucky sighed, set the cloth aside, and got back into bed. He pulled the covers over you both and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close.

“I meant I should have done that sooner,” he said. “I wanted to. I just didn’t know if you…”

“Yeah,” you agreed. “I was in the same boat.”

Bucky chuckled, breath tickling your scalp.

“We really need to work on the whole communication thing better.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Although.” He rubbed your back. “We seem to communicate fine when we’re naked.”

You groaned against his chest. Bucky was not allowed to have a dirty sense of humor. It would be the death of you.

“Am I wrong?”

“I have nothing to say,” you muttered, your grumpiness undermined when you snuggled against him. “Nothing at all.”

He pressed his lips to your forehead. You really, really hoped the kisses and easy touches would be standard from now on. He was spoiling you, and you didn’t know how you’d survive without them now.

“We should… probably talk about this later,” he said in a softer tone. “After we get some sleep.”

You huffed. Even if you agreed you should talk more, you didn’t want to. Couldn’t you just be a couple? Why’d it have to be more complicated than that?

“I’m sure your family will want to be up early tomorrow,” Bucky added thoughtfully.

You frowned, brain churning slowly, and then your eyes went wide.

“Shit. I forgot it was Christmas again.”

“Was it that good?”

“Bucky!”

He showed mercy after you buried your face in the pillow, squeezing you tightly and petting your hair with a chuckle. He was quickly forgiven. A part of you still couldn’t believe this was real, it had finally happened, and Bucky hadn’t run away. You hadn’t run away.

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” he murmured into your hair.

Your breath caught in your throat, a lump forming. Everything was going to be fine, you would sort things out later. All that mattered was you had this moment with Bucky. Hard-fought and won.

“Goodnight, Bucky,” you said, and snuggled up to your demon as you finally drifted off to sleep.

Next Chapter

[tossawary]

Chapter 25: “Home Sweet Home” of “pride is not the word I’m looking for” quotes and commentary. Not a full list of favorite quotes or full commentary. 

-

 Anyway, Shang Qinghua makes himself  so fucking sincerely annoying that the Huan Hua Palace Sect cultivators can’t figure out how to politely tell him to fuck off fast enough. Shang Qinghua makes outlandish assumptions about how many thieves there are (at least a dozen, he’s sure, probably twice that) and what methods they might be using (special invisibility talismans, he suspects); Shang Qinghua repeatedly apologizes for being too busy with important things for Cultivator O.B.B. at the last Immortal Alliance Conference, then tries to commiserate with the man about having to get important things done without getting any respect for it; Shang Qinghua also anxiously wonders if they should all go to Zhao Hua Temple Sect to report what happened here, since there’s a troublesome demon and also some sneaky rogue cultivator thieves on the loose out here! He gets turned down immediately, but assures everyone that he’ll at least let Yue Qingyuan know everything that happened here right away! 

 Liu Qingge pretty much just stands there scowling silently the entire time - he’s no Shen Qingqiu for sheer menacing  "I can and I will ruin your entire life"  glares, but he’s still pretty intimidating. He does a great job! No notes! 

 Shang Qinghua nearly pats himself on the back as he and Liu Qingge leave less than an hour after he arrives.  “Holy shit, I’m good,”  he thinks, a little giddy with the successful extraction.  “That’s a skill that good ol’ Liu-Shidi will never have!” 

 -

AN: Of course this has a high chance of backfiring. Is Shang Qinghua going to weave webs of lies anyway? Of course. 

Love the fact that Shang Qinghua can shamelessly act like a total pushover, while actually manipulating someone so that he gets the results he wanted. Some snobby sect leader walks into a negotiation room, prepared to use SQH as a doormat, and Shang Qinghua is probably internally like, “Bro, me and my jelly spine welcome you to hell.” 

- 

 He gives them the rundown on what happened, but, to his complete lack of surprise, that doesn’t seem to satisfy interrogators like his little sister-in-law and his fellow transmigrator. They have so many questions! And Shang Qinghua doesn’t have enough answers for them! 

 No, he doesn’t know what Huan Hua Palace Sect knows or thinks they know. No, he doesn’t know how they knew about that place. No, he doesn’t know whether the monster was just a local opportunist preying on distracted cultivators or something more sinister. No, he’s not experimenting with the creepy special item or discussing it at length here. No, Luo Fanli and Peerless Cucumber are not allowed to poke at the creepy special item! 

 Why the fuck would he ever let them do that?! 

 All Shang Qinghua knows is that Luo Fanli and Peerless Cucumber should eat their vegetables and then go to bed! Because they all have a long journey back to the sect in the morning! And also that words cannot describe how painfully old he feels as soon as he says this. 

-

AN: I’ve been thinking about a Demon Trio fanfic in which Mobei-Jun finds himself in a similar position with Luo Binghe and Sha Hualing. 

Mobei-Jun and Shang Qinghua are, like, bare minimum twice the age of Luo Binghe and Shen Yuan. Like, yes, neither Mobei-Jun nor Shang Qinghua are old old by the standard of the PIDW world. Yes, MBJ and SQH are stunted as all get out. But the fact that they have bare minimum 2x the life experience as Bingqiu is, in my opinion, funny as hell and severely underused in fanfiction. 

Like, imagine Mobei-Jun unintentionally dadding new demon LBH in SVSSS. Mobei-Jun being like, “Don’t eat the meat from this monster. It makes you hallucinate.” Or being like, “These people aren’t politically important enough to be shown this kind of respect. Look down on them properly and go sleep, or no one will ever respect you again in demon politics.” 

MBJ looking at SVSSS LBH and SHL like, “Damn, who raised you?” 

Because, like, I love to joke about Mobei-Jun being an oblivious fool, but that’s in regards to human culture. Mobei-Jun operating on demonic culture + his level of arrogance in regards to how he’s handling SQH suggests that MBJ can be politically savvy among demons when he wants to be. Also, the mental picture of MBJ being like, “Eat your weird demon vegetables, there’s nothing wrong with them, you picky half-breed brat,” is extremely funny. 

I’ll probably turn this into a separate post. 

- 

Shang Qinghua does  not  miss the man’s unconcealed  “oh, great, some of my favorite problem people are back, probably with bad news”  expression when they arrive. The man is not at all impressed to hear about the drugged-up Shadow Cave Wolf Spiders or the evil, murderous, madness-inducing plant they fought on their mission, but the Qian Cao Peak Lord is reluctantly, partially placated by the jar of three-eyed skeleton tears Shang Qinghua super thoughtfully brought back for his inspection. Mu Qingfang really likes his research projects! 

 Shang Qinghua lets himself feel kind of good about this gift - he’s the man who gets things and gets things done - and ignores the Weeper’s Eye whispering in his head,  “He has resigned himself to the untimely deaths of everyone he knows.” 

 (Wow. Oh, Shang Qinghua knows that feeling!) 

-

AN: Mu Qingfang doesn’t think that everyone around him is inevitably going to die, he’s just extremely aware of how dangerous the world is and how reckless cultivators can be. Also, for many years, he was fairly certain that Liu Qingge and Shen Qingqiu were headed for bad ends. 

This felt like a good place to insert some optimism back into the sect in general. Luo Fanli has been cured and is willingly going to visit her sister, Liu Qingge has got a hold on his self-destructive tendencies, Mu Qingfang thinks things are getting better, Shen Qingqiu’s health problems have been essentially fixed, Qijiu might actually work their shit out, Shen Yuan shares his real name with Shang Qinghua, and so on and so forth. 

It felt like a good contrast with and buildup towards Luo Binghe’s Skinner mistake (not everything is rosy yet, there are still growing problems), the secret basement, and the encounter with Bing-Ge. 

Only to flip that around and then bring some surprise Moshang into things! 

- 

“I have now been informed that, after learning that you had returned and, at the very least, completing the duties that were intended to have him reflect on his actions, he has disappeared yet again,” Shen Qingqiu continues. “This second disappearance has set some of the other junior disciples into a renewed panic, which has concerned some of the senior disciples, which was, apparently, cause to alert me.”   

 “Ah,” Shang Qinghua says. 

-

AN: Shen Jiu should not be in charge of a bunch of children, but it is funny to imagine him going through the same “be a less shit person” adoption process as Shang Qinghua. Like, oh, it would be so easy for him to be cruel about this situation, but fuck you if he’s going to be outdone in the recovery and redemption process by Shang Qinghua of all people. 

Shang Qinghua: *grows into a kind of decent person* 

Shen Jiu: “Fuck you. That’s not allowed.” 

Shen Jiu: “...” 

Shen Jiu: “Well, if THAT FUCKER of all people can do it...” 

- 

 Shang Qinghua doesn’t have to look long or far to find his nephew. He finds the young protagonist sitting despondently on the doorstep of his own Leisure House, sniffling into his sleeve. Peerless Cucumber of all people is sitting beside him and keeping him company. 

  “Focusing on other people’s lives is easier than looking at his own.” 

 “-think a drowning man first has to save himself… or else he’s only going to bring down the people he’s trying to save,” Peerless Cucumber is saying. 

 Binghe nods. 

- 

AN: Going by, like, the everything of SVSSS, Shen Yuan really is the asshole going, “I’ll die before I look inwards to recognize and deal with my own emotions.” Also, going, “Yes, I’m a hypocrite who won’t take my own advice. And what about it?” What a repressed nerd. 

- 

 Shang Qinghua clears his throat to get their attention. Both kids (well, teenager and young adult, but still...  kids)  look up and then stand up quickly. Luo Binghe takes a forgetful step forward, before he wobbles into an appropriate respectful bow instead. 

 “Shang-Shishu!” 

  “How dearly this boy is loved!”  the Weeper’s Eye declares, in its soft way inside Shang Qinghua’s head.  “More than life itself! More than death itself!” 

 “Ah, never mind all that,” Shang Qinghua says, and steps forward to wrap his nephew in a quick hug instead, keeping the creepy talking eye oriented away from his nephew. “You’re a little too late to talk to me about your mission before your shizun did.” 

 Binghe, who was just relaxing into the unexpected hug, freezes. 

 Shang Qinghua knowingly pats the poor young protagonist on the back.

  “Oh, shit” is right! 

- 

AN: Uncle Shang really is adorable. Still kind of knocks me for a loop writing it, though, given that the SVSSS SQH and LBH relationship is... nothing like this whatsoever. Look upon the field of SQH and LBH content and see that it is relatively barren except for the stubborn motherfuckers with excellent taste in character exploration. 

-

  “Ahhh, well, I’ll be there too for this potential family reunion, bro,” Shang Qinghua assures him. “Maybe we can finally get to the bottom of where this ‘Shen Yuan’ name came from.” 

 Peerless Cucumber makes a strange expression. 

 “What?” 

 “...It’s my name.” 

 “What?” Shang Qinghua repeats. 

 “It’s my name,” Peerless Cucumber says again, quietly. “It’s my real name.” 

 “Oh.” 

  “Huh,” Shang Qinghua thinks, having been operating on the assumption that the System made the name up for its mysterious backstory. Well, that gives new dimensions to Peerless Cucumber’s criticism of the scum villain! 

 “You can use it,” Peerless Cucumber says, with an air of determined nonchalance. “Everyone else is doing it.” 

 “Ah, alright. Thanks.” 

- 

AN: This is probably the part where I would have made Shang Qinghua reveal his original name in turn... IF HE HAD ONE. It drives me... kind of wild that we get the Airplane Extras and we STILL don’t get 1) Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky’s original name, and 2) MOBEI-JUN’s name. 

Which actually makes things a little more interesting here, in my opinion, even though not having those names gets a little frustrating in terms of fanfiction writing. With Mobei-Jun, you get to explore the fucked up possibilities of him not having a name outside of his identity as the future Northern King. With Shang Qinghua, you get to explore him being a squirrelly little fuck who refuses to let anyone into his life. 

So, because we don’t have Airplane’s name, we actually get this mildly interesting dynamic in which Shang Qinghua doesn’t even really think to reveal it to Shen Yuan. We don’t see this part, but Shen Yuan is actually a little miffed by this degree of secrecy, which is going to come up later. (Shen Yuan doesn’t like the fact that Shang Qinghua has as much power over him as he does.) 

I personally do not hold the headcanon that Airplane’s name was “Shang Qinghua”. It’s a little too on the nose for me. At that point, the only reaction to transmigrating into SQH kind of has to be, “Ah, well, I was asking for that!” Maybe Airplane projected his worst qualities onto Shang Qinghua, but I don’t think he went so far as to give the character his own name. 

Airplane’s main identity when he died appears to have been Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky, and we know that he wasn’t particularly close to his divorced parents and any step- or half-siblings. So, the only names that are really relevant post-transmigration are “Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky” and “Shang Qinghua”. By the time that SY gets here, he’s firmly entrenched in those identities, and his original name is completely irrelevant. I could honestly believe that Airplane just doesn’t think it matters anymore. 

- 

 Shang Qinghua’s nephew, in the way of a true young protagonist or  fucking cannon fodder, got the bright fucking idea to slip away to speak with the concubine called Butterfly privately. 

 “I thought: what if she didn’t want to speak in front of that lecherous old man? What if she wanted to get away from him?” Binghe confesses. 

 “She was the demon,” Shang Qinghua guesses. 

 Binghe nods, voice breaking. “It was…  I was  really,  really stupid, Uncle.” 

 “Well, at least you know that,” Shang Qinghua sighs, and pats his sniffly nephew on the back again. 

 Oh, he can see why Shen Qingqiu was  pissed the fuck off now. Shang Qinghua kind of wants to start yelling! Or maybe just screaming, coherently or otherwise! 

 Except yelling isn’t going to help much right now. 

 Shang Qinghua listens as Luo Binghe recounts being captured by the demon and then waking up bound by Immortal Binding Cables - of being so terrified that he could barely breathe with it. His only hope was Ning Yingying and Ming Fan tattling on his disappearance and a senior disciple tracking him down on time. The skinner demon apparently nearly killed Binghe, crooning over his young and beautiful skin, except a flash of warm light intervened and dropped an unstable part of the ceiling in on them before they could hurt the captured protagonist. 

 “Fu-Shijie and Shizun arrived after that and k-killed it,” Binghe says. “Uncle, it was all  stupid luck!  Shizun said I should have been dead and that, between my efforts and the demon’s, he had no idea how I wasn't! And he was right! It was  so close! If the ceiling hadn’t fallen in like that-! Fu-Shijie suggested the ropes might be faulty and it could have been an unconscious use of spiritual energy, but I didn’t do anything! It wasn’t me!” 

 It  sounds like the System to Shang Qinghua, intervening again at a crucial moment to prevent the premature death of the protagonist. Just thinking about how close his nephew came to dying without him knowing is nearly enough to inspire a cold sweat! Shang Qinghua can’t speak about the System, so all he can really do is keep hugging! Keep holding on for dear life and saying soothing nothings to his crying nephew! 

- 

AN: I wanted to include the Skinner mission, but I didn’t want to redo it onscreen because that’s been done in many fanfictions before and I felt that there was really no good reason for Shang Qinghua to be a part of it. The reason I wanted to include it is to show how the plot is off the track of the SVSSS (and PIDW) stories, with the changed LBH and the changed Original SQQ. 

LBH wants to be a hero, but he’s not there yet. 

- 

 “...Don’t put yourself above him… or below him. Tell him what you want and listen to what he wants, and don’t be surprised if things don’t change all at once,” Shang Qinghua advises and, at Yue Qingyuan’s look, quickly raises his hands. “Ahhh, not my business, I know! Not my business! I just… I hope it works out! I hope you two get something better out of this mess! Aha, make the sect meetings a little less awkward and… things.” 

  “He has never known what better looks like. He will always be Yue Qi, the slave boy. No matter what he does.” 

 “...Thank you,” Yue Qingyuan says finally, thoughtfully. “I appreciate your… restraint in this matter… in recent months.” 

 Aha, yikes. 

-

AN: I know that some people wanted more stomping on Yue Qingyuan, but... like... this man is as or nearly as traumatized as Shen Qingqiu. His childhood fucking sucked. He broke his own soul trying to save Shen Jiu and failed. He made some shit decisions where Shen Qingqiu was concerned, but the logic and trauma he’s operating on are pretty obvious. He was trying. 

Part of the theme around the Qijiu and Moshang arcs has also been “an eye for an eye”. Like, are you guys really going to keep on not communicating with each other and then fucking up and then taking chunks out of each other? How many misunderstandings and upset over misunderstandings are you going to throw at each other? Where do you put your foot down and say, “I don’t want to live like this forever. We can be better than this. I want better than this.” 

Like, it can’t just be hurting each other back and forth (this applies to Qijiu more than Moshang, in which MBJ definitely carries the weight of this fuck-up). It can’t just be privately nursing hurt feelings forever. The options here are “fix it” or “live like this forever”. Fixing it won’t happen immediately, but the other option fucking sucks, so every little step helps. 

So Shang Qinghua here is just like, “Bro, I’m tired. My anger has cooled a lot. I just want all our lives to suck less. I hope things work out for you.” 

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin​ for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST— 

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse 

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle 

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can 

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear 

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode? 

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion 

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home: 

All hail Incitatus the king 

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts 

oh god is that hamilton 

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven 

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again 

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way 

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj 

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway) 

Me internally vs externally 

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance” 

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit 

?

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different 

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up 

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like 

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap 

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

?

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

?

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

[anarchyduck]

Peas in a Pod

Day 20 Alt Prompt: De-Aged 

(posted it on AO3 yesterday, forgot to post it here oops) AO3

----------------------

“So let me get this straight,” - Tony massages his temple in effort to soothe his growing headache - “There was a wizard.”

“Yeah,” Ned nods. “And he was shooting off fireballs, like real fireballs, and it was awesome and kinda scary and-”

“Ned. Ned. Find the shortcut to the point. Because nothing explains” - Tony gestures towards the couch - “that.” 

Ned blushes with embarrassment and nods . “Right! Sorry, sir. So, uhm, Pete was fighting the wizard guy and he was doing really good! Was totally kicking his ass! And then the wizard like, shot him with some kind of purplish black energy ray stuff? Like it shot right out of his hands. Then the wizard was gone and Pete was… like this.” 

Tony eyes the kid on the couch. Same curly brown hair. Same doe brown eyes. It’s everything else that’s wrong. Peter is sixteen, a teenager, and this kid looks like he’s no more than five years old. 

As for Peter, well, he looks content watching videos on Ned’s phone. Some children’s cartoon about dogs or something, Tony didn’t quite catch it. But the kid likes it and he isn’t crying anymore so Tony counts that as a win. Judging from the confused state the kid was in upon arrival, it’s safe to assume Peter’s memories are wiped. Or, rather, memories of his life in the present day which is a problem in and of itself.  

“So,” Ned’s drawl catches his attention. “What are we going to do?”

Tony raises an eyebrow. “We?” he shakes his head. “No, no, you are going home.” 

“What about Peter?” 

Yeah Stark, what about Peter? 

“He’ll go with his aunt.” Tony says simply. Easy enough solution. 

“You mean you can’t like, fix him?” Ned asks. “What if he ends up staying like this forever?” 

Tony waves off the teen’s concerns. “He won’t.” he assures. “Whatever the wizard guy hit him with will probably wear off in a couple hours. Easy peasy.” After all, the kid couldn’t stay like this forever, could he? That is just absurd. 

----------

The effects don’t wear off. 

Two hours later and Peter is still a child. Ned is gone, reluctantly dragged out by Happy who also delivered clothes that fit the kid better so he’s no longer swimming in the Doctor Who shirt Tony assumed belonged to one of the boys. During that time, Tony contacts May to fill her in on what’s going on. The woman is stuck at work (“We’re incredibly short staffed today, it’s ridiculous.”) and unable to leave before her shift is over. 

It leaves Tony in charge of the kid which, while normally wouldn’t be an issue, he suddenly finds himself out of his depth. Teenagers, he can handle. No problem. They could be reasoned with. But small children? 

“Mr. Tony?” 

Tony jumps, spinning on hell with his hand pressed firmly against his heart. “Holy shit!” he gasps.

Peter flinches back, eyes wide and looking as startled as Tony feels. Then his bottom lip begins to quiver. 

“No no, don’t cry.” Tony says in a rush. “I didn’t mean to scare you, kid. You snuck up on me. Ought to put a bell on you someday.” 

That earns him a giggle which washes away the rising guilt. “Uncle Ben says that too.” Peter says. “Says I’m really good at sneaking.” 

“You are good at sneaking.” Tony affirms. “What are you doing down here anyway? Thought you were watching TV?” Least that’s where Tony left him. Kid was content with watching the cartoon with the dogs and he figured he could get some work done tracking down the wizard guy. 

“I was, but it’s over now.” Peter says dismissively, his eyes already wandering the workshop. Then he actually begins to wander. Tony watches him, contemplating on whether it’s a good idea to let a four year old wander his workshop. It isn’t exactly kid proof and if he knows anything about kids (which is very limited) it’s they like to touch everything. And put things in their mouths. 

“What’s that?” Peter asks and Tony leans to the side to look past the monitors and equipment to see what the boy is pointing at. 

“Oh that’s DUM-E.” 

The robot chirps in response, clicking it’s claw as it peers curiously at the boy. Tony takes a couple steps towards them, immediately thinking Peter might fear the robot. Much to his relief, the boy’s mouth is agape with wonder and eyes equally wide. 

“Wow!” he gasps. “Hi DUM-E. I’m Peter.” Peter reaches up to pet DUM-E’s extended arm, giggling as the robot chirps at him. “So is he a robot?”

“Yep. I made him.” 

“You made him?” Peter gives him the same look of wonder and amazement. “Wow. Are there other stuff you’ve made?” 

“I’ve made a lot of stuff.”

And so Tony gives the kid a proper tour of the workshop. Like his older self, Peter is sharp minded and incredibly smart. He asks questions Tony doesn’t think a four year old would know to ask and hangs onto every word Tony says. When he introduces Peter to FRIDAY, the kid is so ecstatic he can’t sit still. It warms his heart to know Peter keeps that same excitement as he aged. 

After the tour, Tony brings him into the kitchen to feed him a late lunch. The kid sits on the kitchen counter next to him, watching Tony’s every move. PB&J sandwiches are the easiest thing he can fix and turns out to be the kid’s favorite.

“So you’re a superhero?” Peter asks curiously. 

“Sometimes.” Tony replies as he spreads the peanut butter onto the bread. 

“Like Batman?” 

“Kiddo, I am way cooler and richer than Batman.”

Peter giggles and Tony thinks it might be the cutest goddamn thing he’s heard all day.

“My daddy is like you.” the kid says suddenly.

“Oh yeah? How so?” Tony asks, finding himself equally curious. He knows through his early research into Peter Parker that the boy’s parents are deceased. Father worked for OsCorp, mother worked for some type of law firm. Aside from the atrocious choice of working at OsCorp, both of them seemed relatively normal. 

“Because he makes stuff. B-But not robots like you do. He makes other stuff and-and he white wears a coat and he helps people.” Peter gives a long, wistful sigh then and adds, “I want my daddy and mommy.” 

Tony freezes, butter knife stuck in the jar of jelly. Quite suddenly he remembers something else about Peter’s parents. 

They both died in a plane crash. 

When Peter was four years old.

The man internally panics, mind going blank on what to do, what to say because what can you say? 

“Mr. Tony?” Peter’s little voice draws him from his internal crisis. He tilts his head, looking at him curiously and, dare Tony say it, concern. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah.” Tony sniffs and finishes up the kid’s sandwich. “Yeah, totally fine kiddo. A-OK. So you want this cut up?”

“Yes.” Peter replies, apparently moved on from the incident. Yet, as Tony puts the knife to bread in order to cut, the kid shouts, “No! No no, not like that! You have’ta make the X.” 

“Huh?” Tony looks a little helplessly from the kid to the bread.

“The X!” Peter leans over and traces an X on the sandwich. “Like that!” 

Tony cuts it up according to the kid’s desire and it’s only then that he sees what the kid means. “Yeah, guess it does look like an X when you cut it, huh? Well, here you go kiddo. Eat up.” He slides the plate to the boy’s side. 

Peter takes a large bite and hums with approval as he chews. “‘Ood yob!” he says around his mouthful. It’s the additional thumbs up that makes Tony chuckle. He grabs a juice box from the fridge for the kid, something teenage Peter would have rolled his eyes and grumbled about. Toddler Peter says a polite ‘thank you’ and picks it up with fingers covered in grape jelly. 

He decides to capture the moment for May and pulls out his phone. “Heads up, kiddo.” he says and takes a picture. Peter is caught in a half smile, peanut butter smeared on the corner of his mouth. There’s a glob of jelly on his shirt that’s run down the image of Thor’s hammer. 

“I wanna see! I wanna see!” Peter instantly demands. 

Tony moves to stand next to him and flips the phone for the kid to see the picture. Peter grins and immediately reaches for the phone. “Uh uh, sticky fingers.” Tony says, which gets the kid giggling about being called ‘sticky fingers’. He moves the phone out of reach and sends the image off to May. 

“So,” Tony says. “What do you want to do after lunch? TV? Go play with DUM-E? Whatever that wannabe Merlin did to you took away your powers, or maybe just suppressed them. Maybe we ought to run some tests to figure that out.” 

On second thought, maybe not. Teenager Peter detests needles; he imagines little Peter hates them just as much. 

“DUM-E!” Peter says excitedly. 

“You’re going to spoil that bot, kid.” 

---

“Thank you so much, Happy.” May says as she steps into the Tower’s elevator. “You really didn’t have to pick me up. I could have drove.”

Happy directs FRIDAY to take them to the penthouse then shakes his head. “It’s no problem.” he says. “Boss wanted to make sure you got here quickly and with that guy who attacked Peter still running around-”

“Right.” May sighs. “Well, guess he could have done worse things than turn Peter younger. At least him and Tony seem to be hitting it off.” She smiles fondly as she recalls the image Tony sent her. She only hopes Peter has been good while they wait for her.

“Yeah, well, the kid’s grown on him.” 

“I feel a little jealous, honestly.” May admits. “Peter was so cute when he was little.” 

The elevator comes to a stop, the doors slide open to the entrance of the penthouse. It’s oddly quiet inside and the lights are dimmed. “Tony?” Happy calls out as he and May walk through the foyer into the living room. 

It looks like a tornado hit it. There are papers thrown about with childish drawings covering them. A sheet covers the kitchen table which has been pulled away from the dining area and there are mini marshmallows covering the floor with some sticking to the large windows that overlook the city. A device that looks like a mini catapult sits on top of the table next to a pile of marshmallows and markers. 

May follows the chaos, finding the TV on with the Incredibles playing on a low volume and both Tony and Peter fast asleep on the couch. Peter is still a toddler in every way May remembers, sleeping with his head on Tony’s chest. There are stickers on their faces and she spots marker smears not only on Peter’s arm but also on the hand that’s resting on Peter’s back. 

“Did you find-” Happy starts, quietened as May shushes him. He comes to her side, expression softening at the sight. “Least they kept each other busy.” he remarks. 

May nods in agreement as she pulls out her phone to take a quick picture of the two. “Like two peas in a pod.” 

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Welcome to Backwater ch.13 (spicyhoney)

Summary: Finally some answers! It's just a shame they aren't for the questions Stretch already had.

Read ‘Neverland’ on AO3

or

Read it here!

~~*~~

If he were asked, Stretch would be the first to admit he was probably not the greatest influence out there for anyone. When he was younger, he’d tried his best for Blue’s sake at least; he worked two jobs, he made sure the laundry was done so Blue could wear clean clothes for school and all that. But as Blue got older and more able to help out, a lot of that shit fell off to the wayside into apathy. Until they got to the surface, anyway, but whatever efforts he’d made to get his life on track in the Aboveground took a sad detour back to wallowing in misery a few months back.

That said, Stretch tried not to be a complete asshole at any given time, but damn if living in Backwater wasn’t putting his manners to the test, because the predominant phrase running through his mind right now as he stared at the older ‘Chara’ clone was, ‘what in the name of holy blue fuck?’.

At least he managed not to say it, but then, he also didn’t manage to say anything else. Instead of a ‘hi’ or a ‘how ya doin’ or even a ‘so, how about those dodgers’ for the smiling Human in front of him, all Stretch did was gape, his bike engine idling and his mouth hanging open in an invitation to any circling flies in search of a new home.

His luck was leaning towards good today, insect-wise, since none took the invite, and all the Human did was smile wider, their eyes crinkling as they held out their hand and said, with a certain slyness, “Don’t you know how to greet a new pal?”

Stretch knew before he even shook their hand what was coming. Mostly, anyway, turned out to be a whoopie cushion hidden in the palm rather than the joy buzzer Stretch was so fond of. But he knew, this was his gag, and still he hastily switched off the engine and reached over. He took their hand in a daze and the rubbery wheeze of a fake fart as their palms met made the Human laugh in delight.

“Still works,” they said gleefully. The Human held up the little whoopie cushion before tucking it into their pocket, leaving aside humor for sincerity. “I have so wanted to meet you.”

“me?” Stretch said blankly. Not exactly showcasing his brilliance, there, but he couldn’t seem to stop staring. That familiar, cherubic smile was so strange when it was on another face. Of all the things he’d seen so far in Backwater, this was, by far, the last he’d ever expected, and that was including the damn corn.

“Oh, yes, Edge has told me all about you,” they said, rocking on their heels. From the neck down, the resemblance took a little detour. No striped shirt here and instead of the green Chara favored, they wore blue. A subtle difference, but one that Stretch latched onto gratefully, along with what they said next. “My name is Frisk.”

“frisk,” Stretch repeated. He felt like a living echo, but that name seemed somehow familiar, niggling at the back of his mind. Eh, didn’t matter, the important thing was that it wasn’t ‘Chara’, ‘cause his mental capacity for accepting the weird was teetering on the brink of overload.

Their mouth twitched again into a smile. "You're wearing my old helmet."

"oh. oh!” Stretch slapped a hand on top of his head and nearly impaled it on a cat ear. Hastily, he started working on the buckle. “uh. sorry about that.”

"No, it's cute,” Frisk said cheerfully. “Red wouldn’t let me ride my bike without it, either.” Stretch could only blink at them, still waiting on an internal reboot, here, and the Human’s mouth twisted wryly. "It’s okay. The resemblance is uncanny, I know. We saw it all on television when it happened a few years ago. Chara, the human who brought Monsters back to the surface. Red thought it was all very funny, but his sense of humor is rather questionable on a good day."

On television? But…how…? Weakly, Stretch said, "i don't understand."

“I know," Frisk said. Their eyes darkened with sympathy. "And I doubt very much that Edge or Red explained." They sighed with fond irritation, "All these years living here, and Edge still loves his puzzles. Never a straight answer if he can twist it around for someone to solve. Red is just a shit. Come on,” they jerked their chin towards the cabin. “Edge is around back.”

Frisk turned and started back up the winding path, bare feet light on the flat stones. Stretch realized he was still straddling his bike and hastily put down the kickstand before following. Okay, so, no Red Riding Hood today, he was more like a Lost Boy and if Peter Pan swooped down right now with Tinkerbell sparkling at his feet, he was gonna swat them both down.

“wait!” he called. Frisk paused and turned around, their expression questioning as Stretch jogged to catch up, trying not to stumble over his untied shoelaces. “you…you’re edge’s roommate, right?”

Frisk considered that and nodded. “That’s as good a word as any.”

“right.” Okay, yeah, he would have felt pretty damn guilty about his frequent admiration of Edge’s hips if it weren’t for Red assuring him Edge wasn’t in a relationship. Roommates, not ‘roommates’, finger quote-slash-finger quote. He was losing the thread, though, and he wanted to pick it back up before it unraveled completely. “look, i’m supposed to be here to ask you about edgar allen.”

“I know,” Frisk smiled again and a pair of dimples peeked out. Now that he was past the initial shock, he could see a splash of freckles on their nose, another little difference distancing them from Chara that was a relief to see. “I’ll explain everything in due time. Come on.” They dashed away again, and all Stretch could do was follow.

In due time, right, he’d been waiting for anyone around here to pay their dues for days, give him some straightforward answers, and it seemed like the only thing he ever got was another winding road.

He’d been doing pretty good about cutting back on the cigarettes, but today Stretch would have maimed someone’s uncle for a full pack and a half an hour to work his way through ‘em, one after another.

Frisk led the way behind the house and as Stretch stepped around the corner, he stopped to stare at the view. It opened up into a clearing that was filled with huge garden spreading out in a chaotic sort of order; beds of bright flowers, rows of different veggies and berries, baskets hanging between them with leafy tendrils spilling out. Parts of it already looked like they were winding down for the summer, like the rows of truly enormous sunflowers skirting the garden, their bright petals already withering and their broad faces gone to seed, heralds to the upcoming change of season.

It was incredible, it was insane, how…?

“how does all this grow in the woods?" Stretch asked wonderingly, to no one in particular. “how do you grow sunflowers without sun?” Some light filtered in through the heavy canopy of branches overhead, sure, but the overwhelming appearance was one of shade. Stretch didn’t know shit about gardening, but this wasn’t exactly his idea of a great place to set one up.

Obviously, someone forgot to tell these plants, it sure wasn’t stopping them.

“They aren’t sunflowers. Not exactly.”

It wasn’t Frisk’s voice and Stretch startled, turning to see Edge kneeling close by in the dirt by another row, briskly picking handfuls from the low plants. There was a basket next to him half-filled with green pods, beans or peas, he wasn’t sure which, and that was where it stayed because it wasn’t the gardening that Stretch was interested in anyway. He promptly forgot about sunflowers, beans, peas, Peter Pan, everything, and stood mutely watching Edge work.

Somehow, he always managed to forget in between seeing him how damned attractive Edge was. Even in shabby working clothes, the underarms of his t-shirt damp with sweat and wearing a pair of dirty flower-patterned garden gloves, he was a hell of a snack pack. All those baggy clothes did was cloak what he knew they concealed, hinting at what lay beneath with a suggestion that unwrapping would reveal delightful surprises and—

Yeah, okay, he was gonna stop that line of thought right there. He was here for a reason and it wasn’t to ogle at Red’s little bro.

Then all his good intentions took a spin down the drain as Edge looked up at him and smiled. Not a scowl, which wouldn’t have surprised him, not a smirk, which was to be expected, but an honest-to-angel smile. Like he was actually glad to see him and the little throb in Stretch’s battered soul didn’t hurt nearly as much as it should.

“So, you’ve finally arrived,” Edge said. He went back to his picking, didn’t seem to notice the way Stretch’s eye lights kept trying to drift down to where his shirt was riding up at the back.

“looks that way.” Stretch tore his gaze from Edge and took the safer route of glancing around at the garden again. “took longer than i thought it would. this place could use a yellow brick road.”

"That seems like it would invite tornados,” Edge said dryly, “and we see enough trouble."

Trouble? That didn’t seem right. How much trouble could show up on their doorstep out here in the boonies. Then again, probably better to just roll with it, for all he knew there were bears out here or monsters with a lowercase ‘m’. Fuck it, could even be monster bears, who knew? It would sure explain why everyone said to keep on the path.

So, Stretch let that be and asked instead, “your bro didn’t give you a heads up that i was coming?”

“No.” And there was a touch of the sourpuss he knew and lo—liked. Edge slithered on down the row and attacked the pods on those plants, adding them in to his basket. “While I at least attempt to keep my brother apprised of any situations in town, he tends to side with the element of surprise.”

From out of nowhere, the Human appeared. They marched right up to Edge and smacked him lightly on the back of the skull and Stretch nearly jumped himself; he’d just about forgotten about them completely despite them being the entire reason behind his visit. Yep, that was the only reason he was here, to ask about Edgar Allen, and he damn well needed to remember that.

“Oh, stop it!” Frisk scolded, “You and your brother, and your petty squabbles! You were just as bad yourself when we were still Underground, always had to play up the puzzles.”

Edge made a show of rubbing his skull, as if that little smack even hurt. His mouth twitched in an almost-smile, and it wasn’t as nice as the one earlier, but it still made Stretch melt a little inside. “That is possible,” he allowed.

“Good. You behave. Now,” Frisk turned back to Stretch and said brightly, “Come inside, we’ll talk over dinner.”

Uh.

Frisk started towards the house and Edge got to his feet, basket in hand, to follow them. Stretch hung back, suddenly wary of going into the gingerbread house. He knew all the stories about spiders and flies, and what happened in their parlors, thanks, and before Frisk could disappear inside, Stretch called, weakly, "i really only came out here to ask about edgar allen."

They hesitated at the open door and from the glint in their eyes, they had an inkling of what Stretch was thinking about. “I know. And Edge set you on a quest to find me so you can ask,” they laughed delightedly, “The phone book was a nice touch.”

"you know about that?” Stretch blurted, “so you’ve known i wanted to talk to you?”

They nodded. “Of course, Edge tells me everything.”

“so why didn't you come into town to see me?!"

Their sudden mischievous smile only made them look even more like Chara. "And spoil his fun?"

Frisk went inside, the door swinging shut behind them. Edge stayed outside, his basket of beans-or-peas balanced on his hip. He arched a browbone and asked, “Are you coming or not?”

Stretch wavered, scuffing his feet against the stone path, both tempted and wary, and before he could make a choice, his magic decided for him. They didn’t have stomachs, actually, but it didn’t stop their magic from imitating one for him, letting out a growl that was a reminder that the lunch Red packed him was still stashed away in his bag uneaten.

That earned him a low chuckle and the melted chocolate of Edge’s voice didn’t help his growling not-belly one damn bit. Edge tilted his head towards the door in invitation, “Come on, it’s dinner time and I can’t bear to let moronic creatures starve. You can help me cook.”

“uh.” Leaving aside the whole moronic thing (he’d probably earned it at some point, anyway), now might be the time to bring up an important fact. “i should warn you ahead of time, i’m not much of a chef.”

Edge only nodded, sighing deeply, “Of course. I should have suspected that looks aside, you were my brother’s doppelgänger rather than mine.”

“what?” How was it this guy could be so unfairly hot and so damned confusing at the same time? “what does that even mean?”

“It’s hard to explain.”

Stretch only crossed his arms over his chest and glared. “ain’t gonna get easier if you don’t start.”

Edge made an impatient sound, “Come inside and we will. Stretch,” his voice went lower, gentle, “Backwater can be unnerving, I know this, but you’re safe here. I would never let anything hurt you in my home.”

Yeah, okay, that was seriously unfair, like Edge was speaking directly to his nerves, reassuring him with honeyed promises and damned if Stretch didn’t believe him. Worse, he wanted to believe him.

He still hung back uncertainly, and one corner of Edge’s mouth quirked up as he added, “Besides, my brother would never forgive me if I let anything happen to his best salesperson.”

That burst the tension hanging in the air and Stretch snorted loudly, “that ain’t saying much, I’ve seen firsthand how red runs the store.”

With a last nervous glance at the garden/woods behind him, Stretch finally followed. He hoped he at least lived to regret it.

~~*~~

An hour later, Stretch was feeling pretty stupid about his little moment of panic. For one, sitting in their kitchen peeling carrots was probably the most normal thing he’d done since he’d gotten here. No ghosts popping out from the walls, nothing coming alive that shouldn’t to say hi. The most complicated thing he had to do was make sure the peelings ended up in the trash bin rather than on the floor and even that he got right at least ninety percent of the time.

Stretch wasn’t entirely incapable of cooking. It was only that his bro enjoyed it so much more than him that he didn’t bother and when he did, the words ‘instant’ or ‘microwave’ were usually involved in some capacity.

He spent the rest of his focus on covertly watching his hosts. Frisk and Edge moved around the kitchen and each other easily, they’d obviously been roomies for some time. They laughed, they teased, made stupid in-jokes that Stretch longed to understand, and Stretch only sat back and watched them. To be honest, there was something a little unnerving about their homey domestication. It wasn’t what he’d been expecting, for sure.

Or maybe he was just a little homesick. In spite of Red’s mothering, he was starting to miss his brother’s care and concern, a little. Probably better to not think of that and Stretch swapped out his peeled carrots for the basket of what he was assured were definitely peas, working on shelling them into another bowl.

The outside of the house might be more wicked witch in the woods, but the inside was more traditional in an airy open floor plan. From his spot in the kitchen, he could see the living room with large, comfy sofas positioned in front of a pretty damn nice television.

There were also several crowded bookshelves and a few cabinets against the walls, each one filled with an impressive collection of action figures and the glass meticulously polished. Pictures on the wall, some of Edge and Frisk, a few more than included Red, along with artwork, pretty landscapes that might well be visible from their front door.

All it all it was simply…normal. Not a single cauldron or any eye of newt in sight, and Stretch could’ve been doing the same thing back in Ebott except for the fact that this Human wasn’t Chara and Edge wasn’t…yeah.

Once the prep was done, dinner didn’t take long to get on the table. Soon they were all sitting with a bowl and if Stretch was a little dubious about the unknown dish set in front of him, all his worries vanished with the first bite.

He was getting used to the tasty food that Edge brought to the shop a couple times a week; Red was always willing to share and now that he thought about it, either Edge always included extra for leftovers or he’d started packing more so that both of them could have enough tasty goodness. Stretch wasn’t sure which was true, but he knew which one he hoped it was.

This, though, this was something entirely else, so much more than simple, tasty nourishment. Cheesy grits with a vegetable medley and a poached egg on top, that’s what Frisk introduced the dish as, but that description couldn’t truly explain the taste. How the fresh peas were buttery sweet, the carrots sweet and crisp, the way the egg yolk burst open when his fork pierced it, the bright, rich yolk dripping down to coat everything in reach with deliciousness. Stretch had to resist the urge to shovel it into his mouth, forcing himself to chew it slowly and didn’t regret it, groaning aloud around his mouthful, it was so damned good. His brother wasn’t a bad cook, but it was like comparing a bowl of oatmeal to a full breakfast platter, there was no comparison.

Stretch took another huge bite, moaning again as he hit the creamy, cheesy goodness of the grits. He looked up and paused mid-chew, to see both Edge and Frisk staring at him.

“hrmmm?” Neither of them replied to his not-a-question and Stretch awkwardly swallowed down his too-large mouthful before trying again, “what?” He grabbed a napkin and wiped at his face, but it came away clean.

“Nothing,” Edge said finally. There was a faint flush of redness high on his cheekbones, for no good reason Stretch could figure, not with the way the air conditioning was blasting out. He cleared his throat and turned his attention to his own bowl. “It’s only nice to see someone enjoying my cooking so thoroughly.”

Frisk only offered a frustratingly Mona Lisa sort of smile and dug in, the three of them eating in silence, aside from Stretch’s occasional happy groans.

Once the bowls were scraped clean, Frisk pushed theirs aside and announced, “All right, then, if I’m going to explain, I think it’s best to start at the beginning.” Frisk slanted a questioning look at Edge. “If that’s all right?”

“Why are you asking me?” Edge stood to clear away the dishes, carrying the stack to the sink. “It’s your story.”

“Because you’re in it.”

Stretch could only sit there, trying not to squirm with impatience as Edge thought that over, rinsing the bowls before stacking them into the dishwasher. “Tell him,” he said. “Mysteries are one thing, but I don’t care for lies.”

Frisk smiled, their eyes gone memory-dark. “I know. All right, then!” They clapped their hands together lightly and Stretch settled in for what he hoped was a damned good story.

“I’m from Backwater originally,” Frisk began, “but I didn’t live here my entire life. When I was a child, my parents died. I ended up going to Ebott to live with relatives and it was—” They frowned, teeth grinding briefly as if they were chewing on the words, managing only a curt, “Unpleasant.” Frisk took a long, slow breath and went on, “One day I simply had enough and ran away. All the way up Mount Ebott and that is where I fell into the Underground.”

Stretch didn’t say anything, but his expression must’ve given him away, or maybe his hands, his joints nearly creaking as he clasped them tightly together. He knew this story, nearly this exact story, told to him by a child who right now should be safely living back in Ebott with their adopted father.

Frisk’s mouth twitched in an almost smile. “No, not your Underground. Theirs. Red and Edge’s.”

Stretch glanced at Edge. He was still washing the cooking pans, pink rubber gloves incongruous against the pale of his bones, but the tilt of his head indicated he was listening. Realization was dawning with glacial slowness; a pair of skeleton brothers in the Underground coming to the surface along with a Human child. He knew this story because it was his own, and more than that.

“you’re talking about the multiverse,” Stretch said slowly.

Of course. He could have slapped himself silly for his stupidity. He’d never even considered their situation might be similar; the age differences threw him off, far more than they should have. Sans was of an age with him, Papyrus a match to Blue. Red was so obviously much older than Stretch it hadn’t even clicked, seriously, was he that off his game? That should’ve been his first thought and instead, it never made it on his list.

But then, none of them really liked to talk about it much, either. Sans and Papyrus sure weren’t bringing up how they ended up here, didn’t take any kind of magic to see the shadows lurking in the depths of their eye lights even now. They’d just showed up one day in Snowdin right before Chara did, two skeletons from another world that seemed so hurt by their pasts that Stretch and Blue let them keep the names and took on nicknames of their own. Turned out it was easy to forget, somehow, that they hadn’t always been there, easy to let a sort of shroud fall over that knowledge. Not like Stretch wasn’t used to it when it came to his past.

Only now the veil was getting ripped away. Edge and Red weren’t only other Monsters, they were other Monsters, holy shit, and they’d been here for how long?

“Yes,” Frisk nodded as if reading his mind, and wasn’t that a terrifying thought. “And we’ve learned that time can flow differently beneath the mountain. It seems that I arrived in their Underground some years before your child fell.”

Their smile faltered, faded, the silence broken by the sound of running water and the soft clatter of dishes in the sink. “Their Underground was...well. It was a place of LV, not love. Their king was mad and when I came to the castle…well.” Frisk shuddered, looking away from Stretch’s numb gaze. A bony hand settled on their shoulder, sharpened fingertips cautious, and Frisk looked up at Edge with something like gratitude. “we were the only survivors. We took the Human souls that the King had collected and went past the barrier, the three of us. Only, we were afraid of the humans’ reactions, so we hid ourselves from the people in Ebott and I brought Edge and Red back here. Backwater has always been fairly openminded when it comes to unusual folk and I thought they might be accepted here. I was right.”

Frisk hesitated then, choosing their words with care, “Backwater is a town that attracts certain things. Good things and bad things. The people here weren’t surprised to meet us.” Their eyes took on a faraway look. “In fact, they were expecting us. As I said, the town attracts good and bad things, and it needs watching over. When we arrived, the current caretaker was old and weakening. They were calling for a suitable replacement and I suppose I was perfect for the job. Not only had I been touched by magic in the Underground, I was also once in the possession of six other Human souls, and that touched me. Changed me, in a way. And so, we took over as caretakers, Edge and I.” Frisk straightened their shoulders, lifting their chin as they said, firmly, “I am the keeper of the town’s soul.”

“And I am their protector,” Edge said. They were first words he’d spoken since Frisk began, each one resonating with strength far beyond the spoken, not a mere statement, he said it as something known. Then he offered a faint smile, almost sheepish, as he added, “I also make pies and pastries to sell in town.”

“And that’s my story,” Frisk finished. They seemed almost nervous, watching Stretch, perhaps waiting for a reaction.

Stretch didn’t know what was on his face, but he sure knew what was rattling around in his head and that was one simple, weak thought, I could really use a cigarette right about now.

He sagged back in his chair and let his head drop down into his hands. This was all…fuck. This wasn’t at all what he’d been expecting, well, mostly, anyway. He’d been more right than he knew about one thing; a witch did live here, sorta, cauldron or not.

“okay,” Stretch said, more to himself than the two people waiting on the other side of the table. “okay, that’s. yeah.”

A hand settled on his shoulder and Stretch yelped, nearly scrambling away from the unexpected touch. He fell off the other side of the chair with a painful thud, fighting to untangle his legs from the tablecloth. Still standing on the other side, Edge only held his hands up in a stick-‘em-up gesture and didn’t try to touch him again. “It’s a lot to take in, I know.”

“you think?” Stretch sputtered. He managed to get his feet loose but didn’t try to stand; the floor seemed a lot more secure right about now. “fuck, you guys should’ve put that in a damn book instead of all those addresses and gave me time to read the footnotes! wait,” Stretch rolled to his hands and knees, and crawled around the table to look at Frisk, “so what does that make red? why does red live in town and not out here?”

Edge answered him first, a touch sharply, “You’ll need to ask him that.”

Frisk only looked saddened, a shadow falling across their Chara-esque face. “Yes, that is his story to tell.”

Fair enough. Stretch sank back down, rubbing a knuckle between his aching sockets as he considered. “okay, hold up. what about edgar allen?”

“After all that, you’re still worried about the scarecrow?” Edge sounded torn between amusement and offense.

“yeah, i am!” Stretch retorted. He might be a moron on any given day, but he didn’t forget about pals in the face of earth-shattering revelations. “that explanation filled up a lot of the questions on the form, but how does any of it explain edgar allen?” He pointed a finger at Frisk. “edge said he’s gonna die in the fall and you’d know why!”

“Die?” Frisk considered that, nodding slowly, “I suppose that’s accurate, in a way, but it’s also not. Growing things have a power of their own, you know. The corn, the garden, they give life, and that is something the town needs.” Frisk spread their hands, their empty palms up. “But what they offer is without conscious. Townsfolk aren’t in any real danger, but strangers can be, and aside from the loss of life, which I don’t want, we also don’t need to draw the attention of outsiders. Since I came here, every year I call upon a harvest spirit to watch over the crops, to protect the corn and the people who might wander into it. Edgar Allen came to us in the spring and he’ll leave us in the fall, but he’ll return, next year, after a fashion. He always does.”

A harvest spirit. Right. Edge and Red were from another Universe, along with a kid who wasn’t Chara, the scarecrow was a harvest spirit, and Stretch was quietly going nuts inside his own head. Seriously, Stretch should’ve been taking notes, this info dump was gonna take a while to process.

He sat there a while on the floor, trying to gather up his scattered wits, and nope, it was not happening. This was a three-cigarette problem, and he was starting to get eager to get started on renewing his nicotine habit. A glance out the window confirmed that the light outside was going soft and golden, the sun low in the sky. “well. uh. thanks for dinner and all, but i better get going if i’m gonna get home before dark.” Not his best speech, but then, Stretch was definitely not at his best.

“Of course,” Frisk stood, and their smile was gentle. “Please, visit again, Stretch. It was lovely to meet you.”

Edge stepped up again and this time, Stretch didn’t flinch from him. “Come on, I’ll walk you out.”

He held out a hand and Stretch took it without thinking. It jolted him unexpectedly, a soft cry choked off before it could escape. That simple touch was strangely electric, warm, bare bones curling with such gentleness against his own. Absurdly, it settled him, helped eased the roiling confusion boiling in his mind.

It was in a near daze that he let Edge draw him silently to his feet, pulling him along like a puppet on a string. Stretch barely managed a vague wave in Frisk’s direction as he walked with Edge out the door, and if his gaze automatically fell downward to watch the sway of Edge’s hips as he walked, welp, it wasn’t like there was anyone else around to notice.

At least, Stretch didn’t think so, might be better not to ‘ass of u and me’ around this place, even if all he was doing was watching someone’s ass.

Better safe than sorry; going forward, that was gonna be his motto. Right after he got back to Red’s on his ramshackle motorized bike.

~~*~~

tbc

[inessencedevided]

The Untamed, episode 40 - watching notes

For some reason, my last liveblog post got more attention than any of the ones I did before and quite a few people followed me because of it. Welcome everyone! 👋😊 I hope you enjoy this quarantine-endused obsession of mine 😅

The Juniors are still semi-fighting about their judgement of wei Wuxian and his actions. I find this interesting mainly because it's a good example of how gossips and rumours can evolve into facts if passed on enough times. To Jin Ling, who was a baby when thys all happened and who only ever heard this tale from very biased sources, wwx's wickedness is a fact so irrefutable, the mere thought that someone might disagree is ridiculous

I've forgotten his name, but he's too precious :D

I'm howling! The way the Juniors scatter when lwj enters is too cute 😂

Also, thanks to @allhailthedramallama I now know that some of their actors are older than Wang Yibo and I can't not think about that now!

Everyone internally: liquor ... Hanguang Jun is ordering ... liquor

Lwj: don't you dare make a comment!

Did jl just literally stab his foot with his chopsticks? 😂

Lsz being shook by his Hanguang Jun buying Alcohol is right up there with my favourite moments of this show :D Poor baby. That must've rocked his world

Protect them at all costs! 😭😭😭

I got a new brotp and it's Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi 😍

Protect HIM at all cost!!! 😭😭😭

(Nevermind, he's already dead)

😏

He can't believe that lwj would bring him liquor 😭

Also, I'm pretty sure lwj is very worried of what might happen if more people find out wwx is alive, considering there's someone out there trying to frame him

How much of a stab in the heart do you recon it is for lwj every time wwx doesnt remember the song he wrote for him? 🥺

Okay, so Lan Xichen guves them a chance to proof that it isn't wex who's behind everything. But honestly, why do they think it's a good idea for him to just wander into the Jin sect's home with only a mask to disguise him?

I really liked the visuals of wwx and lwj walking after lan Xichen like that. Just aesthetically. 🤷‍♀️

I feel like the carved image of their sworn brothers ceremony is a very deliberate reminder. One of them is already dead ... I hope it's not foreshadowing for another dying or something similar :/

Lwj gently encouraging an obviously nervous wwx ... my heart :')

There is NOTHING that gets me quite as much as the "stoic one" never cracking a smile, always serious letting their guard down in front of the one they love. And that's just lwj in a nutshell. I wanna hug him!!! 😭 (expect he wouldn't like that and I respect his boundaries :P)

That encounter with Jiang Cheng was SO uncomfortable 🙈

This gesture if catching him mid-bow STILL makes me weep 😭😭😭 ... they're equals, still!!!

So Jin Ling just hit from Jiang Cheng at his other uncle's place? 😂

If Jin Guangyao didn't recognize wwx on the spot, I'll eat his ridiculous hat

What is this world we've stumbled into??? Wwx is afraid of embarrassing lwj who's just says "Suit yourself"??? What is this, the upside down? 😱

Is Quin Su Jin Guangyao's wive?

And she knows Mo Xuanyu judging from that look

I should mention at this point, that I read the first view chapters of the novel (up to where the flashback starts on the show). That's why I know that Mo Xuanyu has a connection to the Jin clsn. Otherwise I'd be hopelessly confused by the fact that everyone there seems to know him

But what I missed, if it's been mentioned before is that somehow, Jin Guangyao is sect leader now?? His father died I guess?

Okay what? Did Mo Xuanyu and Quin Su got something going in the past or why does she look so supremely uncomfortable in his presence?

Nie Huaisang, still drama queen no1. Godda love him

"The thing has been solved, but new problems have appeared 😭😭😭"

☝️I feel you man ... i feel you. Adulthood sucks

Let's all be 16 again and go back to Gusu ...

How often does this happen? 😂

Again, I feel you Huaisang. I, too, would like to hug Lan Xichen and get him to solve all my problems *sighs*

Jin ling actually protecting mo Xuanyu wwx ...

Oh so that's why Quin su is uncomfortable around him :/

Jin Ling is soooo much like Jiang Cheng! All "only I can bully my brotheruncle! Don't you dare tough him! Fight me!" :D

I'm so here for Jin Ling and wwx bonding! 😭

He never got to be the uncle he could have been but bow he does!! 😭

Giving terrible advice has never been so touching :D

Another paper man like he created at Guzu!

This is the cutest shit I've ever seen!!! 😭😭😭

Tge little kiss! The touching the forehead ribbon!

I mean ...

Look at it! 🥺

Also, very sneaky wwx :D

What's that music?? Sounds like the little paper man is on his way downtown on his longboard 😂😂😂

So, I'm guessing that wwx somehow transfered his cognition to the paper man?

Oh no ... what happened to Quin Su?

I hate it when obviously something scandalous happened, but they keep dancing around it like "is it true, what this letter says?" JUST to keep up the suspense for the audience. I wanna know!!!

What did JGY do?? 😥

Wait wait wait ... who is this A-Song and should I know them?

Oh, it's their son ... was their son

This scene is killing me! Just tell me what he (allegedly) did!

What the hell kinda secret would he have killed his son for??

Holy shit, what did he just du this wife?

That is a weirdly pretty torture dungeon

Also ... kudos once more to the actor

That performance was chilling

Aaargh wwx, don't be so careless 😳

I'm not one for suspense today 🙈

Ighh

That's the hat!!! So ... jin Guangyao took it. But why?? Seriously that's the thing I've been asking myself with him since he first started to act suspiciously. Why? He's already sect leader. What more could he want?

So wex is now performing empathy while he's already somehow transfered his cognition? 😳

That's a mean cliffhanger! 😭

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoony @kyrrahbird @i-love-him-on-purpose (just 10 episodes left 😭)