#//*they like non binary people and lgbt people better because they think the whole gender distinction in society is stupid

[lower-management]

do I have permission to pretty please with a cherry ontop print a photo of you out to tape to my favourite teachers whiteboard? We basically hold a pride club in there and everyone brings in a photo of a cool person to be the 'overseer' (it makes us feel better about getting hatecrimed by younger years for our swag) and it's my turn this week-

I mean zure. I might not be the bezt overzeer zeeing az I am a demon but I did protect a whole azz civilization for quite e bit zo go for it. Been a boring week.

Alzo, if younger yearz make fun of ya juzt fucking pick them up and throw them. Workz juzt fine. Or throw back the zame ztuff they tell you at them. Even juzt ztaring at them workz.*

[ukrfeminism]

A leading choreographer forced to step down from her own dance company after being accused of transphobia is to launch a new troupe in which all performers will be asked to sign a “freedom of expression” pledge.

Rosie Kay lost her job following remarks she made during a dinner party at her home with nine dancers. She said that a person cannot change their sex. Two of the cast’s dancers identified as non-binary.

Kay said a supportive tweet from JK Rowling helped rescue her from the deep depression that followed the loss of her company. In March, the Harry Potter author wrote: “Rosie, you proved you were ready to lose everything in this fight and I couldn’t admire you more”, adding three clapping emojis.

The dinner party had been held a few days before the premiere at the Birmingham Hippodrome of the company’s Romeo + Juliet.

“I had been encouraged by my management to hold the party, thinking it was better the dancers did not go clubbing in Birmingham and catch Covid,” says Kay. “I remember saying: ‘This is for you.’

“It was loud and raucous. They were shocked that I smoked and drank. They were smoking and drinking. My husband was trying to kick them out at 1.30 am. My son had swimming next morning.”

The party got louder. Kay told her guests that she was working with an LGBT book club to create Virginia Woolf’s Orlando in which a male aristocrat morphs into a woman , and a discussion began about the difference between sex and gender.

Dancers had insisted that Orlando was a transgender character and should be performed by a transgender or bisexual performer. Kay had disagreed saying: “Woolf knows anyone can change sex in their imagination but you can’t change sex in your actual body.”

“I had been having a debate with my management about audition notices for Orlando. For me it was wider than whether Orlando was gay or straight, transgender or not. I wanted them to be a fantastic performer. But I did not want to go on the whole trans angle.

“Suddenly the chat went very fast into: ‘You are wrong, Rosie. If the character of Orlando changes sex — that has to be a transgender person’. Then I said, ‘But can people actually change sex?’ It escalated into a really nasty argument.”

She said she retreated to the toilet for a bit, and then emerged and told them about “things about my own life which were harrowing to show them that biological reality is biological reality. Only a woman can know what it is like to die in childbirth for instance.”

Several of the dancers filed formal complaints about Kay being transphobic. An additional complaint emerged that Kay had “misgendered” a non-binary dancer by calling a group in rehearsal “boys”. Another complaint accused Kay of sex harassment because she had used the words “penis” and “vagina” at the dinner party debate. In an open letter after Kay resigned, six of the dancers said they had followed the company’s grievance procedures.

Kay, who said it had been “heartbreaking” having to resign from the company she had founded, said: “I did think I was going mad. It made me ill and I could not sleep or eat. I saw a psychiatrist. I was like: ‘Have I got this wrong?’

“Then I realised . . . there are amazing intelligent women saying what I am saying. There was a tweet from JK Rowling supporting me. Yes, I got caught up in the culture wars and, yes, that was difficult. This stuff can feel like the end of the world but it has not broken me. I am coming back bolder than ever.”

This week, Kay, 46, is celebrating her defiant return, with the launch of the K2CO dance company.

One of its first works will be an adaptation of Orlando, the staging of which had triggered last year’s dispute. K2CO will cast a woman as Orlando as Kay had originally envisaged.

In what is thought to be a first for a UK arts company, all K2CO’s dancers and staff will also be asked to sign a charter pledging “that the theatre is a place where we are free to express our thoughts and feelings without fear of being silenced, shut down or cancelled”.

Kay said it had been written into her new company’s objectives that she would explore controversial and taboo subjects, such as tackling the fear and machismo of war in her critically acclaimed ballet 5 Soldiers, which was about troops on the front line and was based on time she spent with an infantry regiment.

Free speech is threatened across the arts world, according to Kay, who says at least 15 other female artists have been “cancelled or no platformed or expelled with no recourse”.

They include Jess de Wahls, an embroidery artist whose work was removed by the Royal Academy of Arts because of what it described as her “transphobic views”. The museum later apologised and reinstated her work to the gift shop. De Wahls will sit on K2CO’s board along with Jan Teo, the former chief executive of the Birmingham Royal Ballet.

“I do feel freedom of speech is under threat in the whole of the arts,” says Kay. “I know that everyone is terrified. They live in constant fear of that attack — of saying something inadvertently in an interview even.”

Tomorrow Kay will speak at the House of Lords alongside Martina Navratilova, the tennis champion who lost sponsorship deals when she spoke out about fairness in sport. Kay will stress the importance of free speech and the arts’ ability to explore taboo subjects.

[girl4music]

This gender/sexuality identity shit is too confusing and complicated for me.

I just find it funny that there’s people out there that see a huge difference between gender and sexuality when they’ve always been tied neatly in a bow for me. That’s why the term “queer” is used as an all-inclusive term for LGBT. Because being queer is gender and sexuality tied together. Which keeps things simple. Condensed down. Easy to understand. Some people refer to it as the term for not knowing or not being able to decide which letter of LGBT you fall into.

Take me and my “identity” for example:

In sexuality I’ve been identifying myself as bisexual. I’m attracted to men and women. I would date men and women. Not at the same time obviously, but in and out of romantic/sexual relationships. But then one day I got asked the question “Well, wouldn’t you be attracted to a transgender or non-binary person?” “Wouldn’t you date a transgender or non-binary person?” And my immediate answer to that was “Yes”. To which they then responded “Well, then you’re not bisexual. You’re pansexual.” And that confused the hell out of me. Now I’ve done some research because the confusion was bothering me too much not to. The label just doesn’t fit right. It doesn’t feel like me at all. So now I’m just going by the term “queer” which is what I started as. Truth be told, I don’t know what I am but I do know that I am very queer. That’s fits me. Some people still think of it as a slur but it works for me at the moment so I’m taking it because ever since that interaction I had, I’ve been very confused because I thought bisexuality included transgender and non-binary people. I mean transgender people in particular are also men and women too so it only made sense to me that they were included in bisexuality. It didn’t even occur to me for a second that they weren’t. This is how confusing as fuck this whole gender and sexuality identity shit is to me. It’s almost like I’m supposed to think of transgender and non-binary people as 3rd and 4th genders. And that’s just not right to me so I’m not going to do that. I mean I don’t think of cismen and ciswomen as 1st and 2nd genders. I don’t think anybody does to be honest 🫤

I think I’ve figured it out why gender and sexuality confuses me so much and why identity in general bothers me so much. I’ve always understood this gender and sexuality identity shit as a scale or a spectrum. Not as a multiplication and division equation. When it comes to the effort of understanding something, why in the world do people insist on adding on when the logical thing to do is to take away? And I feel like that’s what we’re doing with this whole gender and sexuality thing. This LGBT thing. We’re adding numbers and we’re adding letters to better understand our identities. We’re not actually inspecting the in-betweenness of identity. The middle. Traditionally, you have a “man” and a “woman”. To most people that makes sense as a binary. As a one or the other. Not so much as a both or either. But this is how it works in my brain…

Man———————————————————— Woman

That whole ass space in the middle that seemingly separates the binary… that’s what I think we should focus on. But instead we’ve got all these new terms and definitions for gender and sexuality. More labels and more places to put those labels. There’s so much shit being added on to what there already is that nobody’s looking in the middle of what there already is. Now I’m not saying there’s only 2 genders and that’s it. That there’s only “man” and “woman” and that’s all there can be. I’m not saying that. What I’m saying is there’s room for expansion into discovering more of what “man” and “woman” is. There is space between the binary we already have to explore and to examine before we go creating new labels and new categories. If we can do that then we can get rid of the gender/sexuality stereotypes that “man” and “woman” get put in and think about the bigger picture to it all rather than cutting down and putting the separate pieces into compartments away from each other and then calling those pieces something entirely different. That’s what we love to do, you know - us humans. Slicing and dicing. Dividing it down. We’re convinced that if we get it down to it’s smallest particle we’ll finally know the truth of it. But then we start adding on a new term and a new definition for what it is we see from that dividing. So instead of better understanding it - which is the goal. What we actually do is just complicate it. We’re making it harder to understand our identity rather than easier. A “thing” within a “thing” within a “thing” for infinity and beyond. That’s what we do. That’s our instinct as humans. To discover something within something and immediately perceive of it as something entirely different from the something it came from. Gender and sexuality is merely only the very surface of that rabbit hole we dig ourselves into. It gets much deeper… for sure it does because we have a very big and deep Universe and a very big and deep mind. Seemingly endless. Too big and deep to grasp for any of us. Yet we love to term and define everything that’s seemingly within it. In so doing we forget about the bigger picture while focusing on the smaller one. Therefore not seeing it as one whole ass picture. While the Universe and our mind expands… I have to adamantly attest that what we see or perceive from this expansion doesn’t change from what it was. That is to say that it’s not suddenly something entirely different from what it came from although it may look like it. It may even behave like it. But it’s not. We only see or perceive of it as such because we’re used to it. We’re used to picking apart something and then referring to that something as separate to the something that we picked it from. And I have to say…

I’m really getting fucking tired of it. Of all of it.

This game we play. This behaviour pattern we’re in of instead of connecting the dots to get the whole picture of what is, we just seem to be colouring in the lines and shapes so they don’t seem even remotely like each other so how could we possibly think they could connect? It’s no wonder divided is what we are when we absolutely refuse to see how we are whole.

Gender and sexuality - it’s a small and shallow scale. But you can see my point through it, surely. We do this shit with EVERYTHING! And I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe it’s not “identity” that bothers me so much. Rather how we think of identity as a collective consciousness. Separate, divided, different. And I scratch my head when I attempt to think about it in the ways so many do. If “I” represents individualism and that’s a good and progressive thing to focus on because it tells us we each have something to offer in the world - something to be of service for and something worth living for…. then why the hell does it feel so god damn segregating and oppressing? Why do I feel like focusing on my identity or anyone else’s feels more like I’m boxing myself/them in and shutting myself/them out? Why does it feel more like an exclusion and an isolation than an inclusion and a connection? The answer is obvious.

There is no binary. There is no 0 and 1. There is no adding and taking away. There is no multiplying and dividing. It is singular and it is total at the same time. If you don’t understand what I’ve just said that’s fine. I don’t blame you when we’ve made understanding so damn difficult to do in the first place and we’re so used to a system that’s done nothing but complicate everything. Our lives - our identities - our true nature. I don’t blame anyone for being as confused as I am with this whole gender and sexuality identity shit that never makes anything simple enough to understand. But to me it’s part of a much bigger problem that we have where we insist on everything having to be its own thing in its own place and can’t come out of it. Because even when we have come out already, we’re still forced into an entirely different enclosed space. And it’s like - I thought this was supposed to be a damn community, not a prison. What the fuck? 🤨

[lucydonato]

things shippers do that are biphobic

erase a character's bisexuality (eg: calling them another identity like pan or lesbian or exclusively using umbrella terms like gay or queer when they've been explicitly labeled as bisexual) because you prefer another label or think it "sounds better for a joke/meme"

refer to a bisexual's m/f relationships as "straight"/"het"

refer to a bisexual's different gendered partner as a beard

insist that a character in an established same gender relationship MUST be gay/CAN'T be bi even if their sexuality is unlabeled

exaggerate or completely change their gender presentation to fit certain stereotypes (eg: portraying a masculine bisexual man as more feminine when he's in a m/m relationship)

say the only reason a bisexual would enter a m/f relationship is because it's more socially accepted

equate bisexuality with specific sexual acts/roles/positions etc

say a previous relationship was so bad it "turned them off of a whole gender"

say a bisexual doesn't count as lgbt representation when they're not in a same gender relationship or act like it's a cop-out because the writers weren't willing to go "full gay"

say a bisexual couldn't be happy/fulfilled with a partner of a certain gender

characterize their attraction to a certain gender as a fluke or say "this person is the exception"

accuse a straight partner of fetishizing their bisexuality when there's no textual evidence of that

speak over actual bisexuals about what is or isn't good bisexual representation

things shippers do that aren't inherently biphobic but have biphobic implications and easily could be depending on the context

call them "slutty" (especially if they aren't shown as being any more promiscuous than the gay or straight characters)

say "[male character] can't love them the way [female character] can" or vice versa

joke about them "cheating" on your preferred partner when they're in a relationship with someone else

things shippers do that AREN'T biphobic

(not) ship them with a specific female character

(not) ship them with a specific male character

(not) ship them with a specific non-binary character

point out double standards in how a bisexual character's m/f relationships are treated compared to their same-gender relationships wrt screentime, plot importance, intimacy, etc

headcanon a canonically straight or unlabeled character as gay even if they're more popularly headcanoned as bisexual and/or you think that label makes more sense and/or would be "better rep"

accept that characters who had m/f relationships before being confirmed as gay/lesbian are in fact gay/lesbian and NOT bisexual (regardless of your feelings toward their m/f relationships)

acknowledge the complexities of comphet as it can be experienced by anyone but especially by gay and lesbian people

call out "gold star gay/lesbian" rhetoric when it appears and recognize the harm it does

point out homophobia in general where it exists both in the narrative and from other fans

[reidgraygubler]

sunflowers, daisies, lilacs, dahlias (spencer reid/reader)

Title: sunflowers, daisies, lilacs, dahlias

Requested: yes, was a request someone sent to @imagining-in-the-margins​, but I took it of her hands :) (So i get this is sorta hard to do but i was wondering if you could write a spencer x nonbinary (gender-neutral pronouns) reader where reader isn’t out to the team yet but spencer finds out somehow and the reader is afraid he’ll reject them but instead he confesses his feelings and just starts info dumping about third genders in other cultures and the roots of binary america, etc. just like fluffy and accepting. once again, i get it if you don’t want to/can’t but that would be awesome)

Couple: spencer reid/non-binary!reader (they/them pronouns)

Category: fluff

Content Warning: swearing (if any), misgendering, usual criminal minds case work stuff, bi!spencer, lgbt+ history lesson, platonic cuddling (or is it?), kissing (not platonic), Doctor Who season 12 spoilers (weird, I know), afab!reader

Word Count: 4,110

Summary: reader comes out as non-binary to their best friend, Spencer, after they notice he changes the pronouns he uses to talk about them and after the team misgenders them.

A/N: pom (aka @imagining-in-the-margins​) posted this in her discord and said if someone had any ideas for this, we could have it. and i loved the request so i took it off her hands. im also non-binary and only out to a few friends, so this piece is dear to my heart. also, i wrote reader as afab, since that’s also me, but also the request says that reader isn’t out to the team yet, and i had to give reader a gender. so im sorry about that. that’s where the mis-gendering comes in. spencer’s nickname for reader is bumblebee when they’re friends, but once they start dating it’s honeybee… bc reader is…  enbee… thank you all so much for the support! i really do appreciate it. check out my masterlist!

{***}{***}{***}

It was a new day at work. A new day, a new me… Kinda, not really. It’s still old me. I’m just trying to figure out the new me. I think that makes sense. It makes sense to me, so that’s all that matters, I think.

Maybe today was the day I came out to the team as Non-Binary. That’d probably help my feeling of garbage. Not even my own family knew about my little secret. So that’s been something I’ve seriously been thinking about, telling everyone that I was Non-binary and preferred they/them pronouns. 

I kept my head low as I stepped off the elevator and onto the floor of the BAU. The good news is, people weren’t rushing around like I was partly expecting them to be. The bad news is, when I got to my desk, there was a stack of files, waiting to be looked over. And the unfortunate part was, I wouldn’t get to get through half of them, because something told me there was a current case we had to go on. 

That something being Emily Prentiss standing outside her office, looking for everyone on the team. I looked up at her with a pout as she nodded towards the conference room. I looked back at the stack of files before grabbing my go bag and going up to the conference room.

Everyone was already there, waiting for me. Although, I was usually late, in a sensible fashion. So I quickly took my seat beside Spencer and remained quiet as Penelope and Emily told us about the case.

{***}{***}{***}

“We can go to the most recent victim’s house, interview the siblings,” Spencer spoke up as we both walked up to Emily. I looked up at him and nodded, silently agreeing that I could go with. It’s not like I had anything better to do anyways. Tara and Luke were at the newest crime scene. David and Matt were with the ME. And Emily was about to go interrogate the suspect. So, going with Spencer would give me something to do. 

“She’ll have to conduct the interview,” Emily looked up from the file she was reading and right at me. I looked down, away from anyone who was possibly looking at me. Getting mis-gendered was something I was used to, by now anyways. But, for some reason, this time it really bothered me. Emily doesn’t know, it’s fine. It’s mostly my fault anyways. And, I guess it bothered Spencer too, because the expression on his face shifted from normal to… annoyed.

“Of course, they can do the interview. They’re the most like the victim,” Spencer looked at Emily before looking back at me. I looked at him and smiled softly. It was more of a nervous smile than anything else. A change, and correction, in pronoun… I hadn’t exactly told anyone that I preferred different pronouns, I had honestly gotten used to the unfortunate misgendering.

“I can do it, I’m perfectly capable of it,” I smiled at Spencer then over at Emily. So much for a change.

“Then that’s settled, she’ll do it,” Emily looked up at Spencer and smiled before allowing us to leave. I dropped my shoulders as I glanced at Spencer, who was glaring daggers at Emily. He wasn’t usually one to glare at his superiors, especially Emily. 

“We should get going, don’t you think,” I whispered as I looked up at Spencer. He finally looked down at me and nodded. “And, you can do the interview, if you want. I get that I’m a lot like the victim’s sister. But, you do interviews better than me,” I laughed and shook my head. 

“We can do it together. That’s the only way you can get better at interviewing,” he returned the laughter before following beside me. 

“That’s true,” I smiled at him. 

{***}{***}{***}

“I know we always do this, but thanks for letting me stay the night after hard cases,” I looked over at Spencer as he got in his car. I readjusted the grip on my bag as I looked away from Spencer.

“Of course, sleeping over at someone’s house after a case makes it easier to relax, especially after hard cases,” he looked over at me with a smile, “We can order Chinese food if you want,”  he added as he looked back at the road.  

“Yeah, I think I’d like that,” I nodded with a smile. Sometime between solving the last case, and the jet landing I gained the courage to bring up what happened before the interview. You know, the whole they/them thing… With Spencer. I still don’t know how he knew to change my pronouns. 

He was talking about something, it sounded like an episode of Doctor Who.  I sort of felt bad about that too, because I was hardly listening. I was one of the only few people who actually watched Doctor Who with him, and thoroughly enjoyed his commentary. 

“And then the Doctor, who, have I mentioned is a woman now, is in fact the Timeless Child. Did you know that?” He glanced at me as he went on. Again, I felt bad because I wasn’t totally paying attention. “Of course you knew that, we watched the episode together,” he continued to ramble about the episode.

“Spencer,” I spoke, my voice just loud enough for him to hear.

“Mhm, what?” he glanced over at me for a quick second. I looked at him, my mouth opening and closing a few times before actually saying what I was thinking. Which was...

“How did you know?” I asked, my voice a bit of a whisper. I was a little bit scared. How did he know? Sure, Spencer knows everything. But I’m not exactly… Out to the team, let alone Spencer. I don’t think I told him. 

“How did I know what, Bumblebee?” Spencer glanced over at me for a brief second. I sighed deeply as I looked over at him. 

“You used 'they'… When you and Emily were talking about me and the interrogation… You used 'they' and 'them' when you talked about me… How’d you know? I haven’t told anyone…” I whispered as I looked over at him. He stayed silent for a long time. I wasn’t too sure what he was thinking, but it made me very nervous. 

“I saw you at the library with a book about gender/sexuality history and science… And I saw you looking at a non-binary/gender non-conforming forum the other day. So, I connected the dots,” Spencer looked over at me as he pulled to a stop at the red light. I swallowed roughly as I looked at him. “I didn’t mean to off-”

“You didn’t offend me, Spence,” I whispered and shook my head before dropping my gaze from him. My fingers fiddled with the seatbelt across my lap. I could feel my heart going a million miles an hour, and no matter how hard I tried to calm it… nothing worked. “I just… I haven’t used the words out loud before… I’ve haven't told anyone… I mean, I’ve just figured it out myself,” I shrugged again. I glanced at him as he started going again. “I’ve always known I didn’t really identify as… Ya know… And I guess just recently I finally put a name to it,” I sighed as I pressed my head into the headrest. Spencer glanced at me, again. He was obviously trying to keep his eyes on the road, but he was very concerned about our conversation.

“You’ve never said it out loud? Or told anyone?” He asked, clarifying what I had just said. I swallowed roughly and nodded.

“Yeah, I just…” I stopped, letting my words trail off. My thoughts ran wild. If I just said that I was non-binary, it’d make my life easier, I’d be so much happier. So, why haven’t I just come out and said it? “So, say it now. It’s just me,” Spencer whispered as he looked over at me for the briefest second. My heart stopped with his words, and suddenly my mind was quiet. “No one else to hear."

“What?” I spoke, my voice a breathless whisper. I looked over at him and raised an eyebrow. 

“Only if you want to. I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.” Spencer’s voice was soft as he spoke. I looked over at him, feeling my stomach do an anxious flip.

“What if it changes the way you think about me?” I asked, feeling my throat tighten up around the words. Out of all of the friends that I had, Spencer was the only one I didn’t want to lose. In a weird way, I felt like he understood me. Like we were both the outcasts of the team, for our different reasons. 

“Why would that change the way I think of you?” Spencer looked up at me and I shrugged. I stared at him, feeling my face twist up in confusion. Even his face had some confusion on it. 

“I don’t know. People usually…” My words trailed off again, not knowing what I was exactly wanting to say to him. “You’re not mad at me? Or hate me or anything…? Right…?” I asked, my voice wavering slightly in fear. Fear of what? I was scared he would resent me. It wouldn’t have been the first, or last, time someone resented me. So, why would I expect him to not resent me? 

“Why would I hate you? Because you’re finally more comfortable with yourself? Or want to be more comfortable with yourself?” Spencer looked at me as he furrowed his brows. I looked down at my lap and shrugged. “You still haven’t said it, but we’re talking about it like you did,” he pointed out. I dropped my shoulders as I looked over at him. 

“You really want me to say it,” I laughed dryly. Spencer smiled at me and shrugged.

“Only if you want to. Just think about how much better you’ll feel,” he offered. I looked down at my lap and sighed.

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” I looked back up at him and smiled, “I’m non-binary.” I could feel a certain weight get lifted off my shoulders as I looked at him. Spencer also had a genuine smile on his lips as he looked at me. Like, he also seemed happy with my words.

 “There’s nothing wrong with that, you know,” Spencer smiled at me as he pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building. I glanced at him before laughing. “I’m being serious,” he chuckled lightly.

“I sure hope there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re the one who encouraged me to say it!” I laughed as I unbuckled. Spencer returned the laughter before looking over at me.

“Then, why do you care what the team thinks?” Spencer asked as he searched for his apartment keys. “Their opinion shouldn’t matter. It’s your life,” he shrugged and looked up at me once he finally found his keys.  

“Everyone on the team is all my friends and all my family…” I whispered as I looked over at him, “I don’t know what everyone will think,” I knew he wanted me to say it out loud to the team, but I was avoiding it. It’s not that I’m not ready. I just don’t want him to think differently of me.

“When has anyone on the team thought bad of you, Bumblebee?” Spencer asked again before parking the car. I swallowed roughly and looked back down at my lap. Of course, when I actually cut my hair short the first time… I had gotten a horrible haircut and everyone commented on it. “No one’s going to think anything bad about you if you come out,” he reassured. I sighed deeply as I looked towards the ground.

“Yeah, but I don’t care about them Spencer,” I rolled my eyes. I rolled my eyes because even though I do care what the team thinks, I think I care more about what Spencer thinks about me. But, I didn’t want to tell him that.

“Then, why were you so worried about it,” Spencer looked over at me before getting out of the car. I stayed in the car for a moment, silent with my thoughts. He’s got a point though. Why was I so worried about it? Of course, the team was my family. I don’t think I could risk losing the team for being… well, me. Maybe Spencer was right. Who am I kidding? Spencer’s always right. About everything. Maybe I should just tell the team… I’d feel a lot better.

I stayed quiet as we walked into the apartment building. In fact, we were both silent. Which was a rarity in our friendship; one of us was always talking, and it was always Spencer. He always had something to say. I wondered what he was thinking about in that head of his. Until I didn’t have to wonder...

“Native American people have a third gender, generally called two-spirit, where the person takes on roles more or less attributed to the opposite sex or both sexes,” Spencer suddenly started an info dump. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I read this exact thing in a book not too long ago. But, it meant so much to me that he wanted to tell me this.

“When europeans came along, they came with the strict gender binary rooted in Puritism, which put heavy emphasis on community and the importance of procreational (heterosexual) marriage within,” he paused to glance at me, probably to make sure I was still listening. And I was. There would be nothing to stop me from listening to him. 

 “Once the colonizers became a country after the american revolution, they wanted to get as far away from britain as possible. Part of this came with separating themselves from the effeminate man of Britain, whom they saw as feminine and dainty. As a result, they made the American Man, who is basically Teddy Roosevelt in that he is rugged, bold, strong, brutish, daring, and able to survive on the frontier and provide for his family,” he continued as he unlocked the door to his apartment. It was nice to be in a familiar place that felt like home, and felt safe.

“In comparison, the woman was supposed to be the American Housewife who stayed at home, cooked the meals, and raised the children. Thus, the American binary,” Spencer continued his info dump, clearly not knowing he was talking outloud. 

I just stared at Spencer with the utmost adoration in my eyes and face. A small smile grew on my lips as he continued to ramble and info dump about stuff I was newly introduced to. I don’t know why I didn’t tell him sooner, I’m sure he would have been a big help. “That’s very interesting, Spencer,” I smiled at him and cocked my head to my shoulder. Spencer looked at me, a slight panicked look in his eye. 

“I’m… I’m sorry, was I rambling?” He stopped talking and looked at me after a moment of him talking. I shook my head, silently telling him he wasn’t rambling, even though he totally was. At this point we had parted ways, but still held the conversation between rooms, and across his apartment, him being in the kitchen while I stayed in the living room.

“Anyways… I could continue going on about it all. How WW2 influenced the LGBT community and how Nuclear Families messed it all up too,” he spoke before stepping out of the kitchen and leading me to his bedroom. 

“I’m sorry, what?” I looked back at him with furrowed eyebrows. I was honestly surprised with that tiny tidbit of information. “Go on,” I raised a brow as I looked at him. I got comfortable on the bed while I waited for him.

“Yeah! The advent of urban areas provided the perfect place for sexuality and gender identity expression,” he continued talking as he stepped into the bathroom to change, and even continued while in the bathroom, “Many single people suddenly began moving from rural farms with family and religion to urban apartments on their own or with someone of the same identity/gender/sex,” he finally concluded before stepping out of the bathroom. I looked at him and cocked my head to my shoulder. I didn’t have anything to say after he rambled on, so we both stayed silent as we got comfortable in bed. 

“How do you know so much about gender identity and the LGBT community?” I asked, turning to face him more. Spencer looked at me with a nervous smile before looking out to the blanket spread out over us. 

“Oh, I, uh… I did a lot of research when I saw you in the library… And, after I saw you on the forum,” Spencer looked at me and nodded. I could sense that he was lying, and he knew that I could sense it. So, I raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sure this is the exact reason,” I smiled before shifting down the bed to get comfortable, “No other reason?” I looked up at him. 

“Nope, no other reason,” he looked down at his book before shaking his head. I could tell there was definitely something, and I could tell he wanted to tell me. But, I won’t force it out of him, just like how he didn’t force it out of me.

“Well, if you have something to tell me… I won’t force it outta you,” I looked over at him with a smile. Spencer glanced at me before grabbing for a book on his nightstand. I shifted down the bed and looked at my phone. “No one’s going to think anything bad about you,” I glanced at him again, repeating the exact things he said to me early in the evening. Spencer glared at me before looking back in his book.

“You’re the worst,” 

“You’re worse than me, Spence,” I laughed as I looked at my phone. I grinned as I browsed random social media. “It’s okay, I get it,” I shrugged before falling silent. 

“I suppose it’s only fair,” he spoke out loud after a moment of silence. I looked up at him, watching as he shifted in his seat. He closed his book before looking down at me, “I guess I’ve been in the same boat as you for a while… Not knowing what anyone would think if I came out, fearing that they’d hate me or judge me,”

“Spencer, you’re the most loved person on the team. No one would ever hate you or judge you,” I sat up before turning to look at him. Spencer looked up at me and nodded. I’m glad we could both agree on that. If anyone hated Spencer Reid, I can guarantee that they’d have a whole fleet of FBI agents on their ass. “You can trust me with anything, Spencer,” I whispered before reaching out for his hands. He looked down at where our hands sat before cocking his head to the side.

“I already trust you more than anyone on the team,” he smiled and chuckled with a nod, “I’ve never told anyone except for one person,” he whispered as he looked up at me.

“That’s okay,” I shrugged as I looked at him. 

“I’m bisexual,” he whispered, his eyes dropping away from my. I stared at him, taking a deep breath. A small smile tugged on the corner of my lips as a worried look grew on Spencer’s. 

“Was that so bad?” I whispered as I fell forward to give him a hug. Spencer laughed as he embraced me. “It felt good, didn’t it?” I backed away from him slightly. Spencer smiled and nodded.

“Like a weight off my shoulders,” he laughed as he looked back at me, “Thanks for that,”

“No, thank you, Spencer, I really needed you and your wonderful words of wisdom… I’ve been struggling with my sexuality a lot, ever since I was a teen really, and you just being there helped,” I smiled at him as I got comfortable in the bed. With that, we fell into a comfortable silence. Sleep wouldn’t find its way to us anytime soon. I think we were both still reeling on the adrenaline of the day. 

But then, I started thinking about our conversation in the car. When I had mentioned I was worried about him (or anyone else) thinking differently of me. I mean, that’s been a fear of mine for years. Someone can go from loving you to the ends of the earth to wanting to be on the furthest end of the earth just to be away from you. So, my fear was totally valid. I didn’t want to lose my friendship with Spencer, or anyone on the team.  

I quickly glanced at Spencer, noting that he was still quietly reading his book. He seemed at total peace with, well, everything. How did he do it? How did he get out of his head after a rough case, and after such a serious conversation? There were too many things I wanted to know, and too many questions I wanted to ask… Why not just ask them?

So, I did...

“Earlier, when you said me being non-binary wouldn’t change the way you think of me… How do…” I paused for a minute, trying to figure my next set of words. Because I could say something wrong, and it’d be the end of everything. “What do you think of me?” I looked up at him as I spoke. He smiled softly and nodded. It was probably a mistake, asking him what his thoughts were on me. I could only think of the worst. Well, I shouldn’t say the worst possible. Worst case scenario was that he was faking it all and he actually hated me. Well, don’t be too hard on yourself.  

“Well, you know,” Spencer shrugged as he shifted closer to me. I looked up at him before leaning away from him. 

“No, I don’t think I do know,” I stared at him, furrowing my eyebrows. He looked at me, dropping his book to his lap and slumping his shoulders slightly. 

“I love you… Okay? I love you whether you’re they/them, she/her, he/him, I don’t care, as long as you’re happy. If you’re happy, then I’m happy, because that’s all that matters to me. Your happiness,” he rambled for a minute. I just stared at him, feeling my shoulders relax as he spoke. My heart rate raised as he continued to talk about how he really felt about me, and I wished he said something sooner… “Hearing Emily misgendering you, and knowing what was going through your head… Sucked… It sucked watching! You deserve the best things…” He continued on, not caring that he was still rambling.

“Spencer,” I whispered, resting a hand on his shoulder to gain his attention. 

“And it’s ridiculous how long I’ve been in love with you too! I should have said something sooner but I didn’t! I don-”

“Spencer!” I shouted this time. It wasn’t an angry shout, though. No, the giggles in my voice and joyful smile on my lips told a different story. And that seemed to get his attention, considering he stopped talking and looked at me. His eyes scanned my face, landing on the joyous smile on my lips. 

“Yes?” He asked softly. I nearly fell into his body, and face, as I let my excitement get the better of me as I tried to kiss him. Spencer laughed as he lifted his hands to my shoulders to make sure I didn’t crash into him.

“I love you too,” I smiled as I looked up at his face. His eyes landed back on my face, his smile becoming soft as he looked at me. The expression his face held showed me that I was now his everything. And, it was a new feeling. I would never get used to a feeling so… grand. But, it was a feeling that I loved, and knew it’d be around for a long time. “What do you think the team will say?” I asked, looking at Spencer as he cupped my face in his hands. 

“About what, Honeybee?” he retorted, his voice a soft whisper. 

“About us, you and me being, well, you and me,” I tried to bite back my smile but failed when Spencer smiled back.

“Who cares what they think… I just care about you,” he smiled before pulling me back in for another kiss. 

“I think I like that answer." 

taglist: @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto​ , @thebluetint​

[justmenoworries]

Not Up For Interpretation - An Essay On Nonbinary - Erasure

(Trigger Warning: Misgendering, Transphobia, Nonbinary-phobia)

If you’ve been following me for a while, you probably know this was a long time coming. I’ve made several posts about my frustrations concerning this topic and how much it hurt me just how socially accepted erasing an entire identity still is. While representation marches on and things have become better for nonbinary people as a whole, we still battle with a lot of prejudice - both intentional and unintentional.

In this essay, I want to discuss just how our identities are being erased almost daily, why that is harmful and hurtful and what we all can do to change that.

Chapters:

What does Non-binary mean?

Nonbinary- representation in media

So what’s the problem?

How do we fix it?

1. What Does Non-binary Mean?

Non-binary is actually an umbrella term. It includes pretty much every gender-identity that’s neither one or the other so to speak, for example, agender.

Agender means feeling detachment from the gender spectrum in general. If you’re agender, you most likely feel a distance to the concept of gender as a whole, that it doesn’t define you as a person.

There are many identities that classify under non-binary: There’s gender-fluid (you feel you have a gender, but it’s not one gender specifically and can change), demi-gender (identifying as a gender partially, but not completely) and many others.

Sometimes, multiple non-binary identities can mix and match.

Most non-binary people use they/them pronouns, but like with so many things, it varies.

Some nonbinary-people (like me) go by two pairs of pronouns. I go by both she/her and they/them, because it’s what feels most comfortable at the moment. But who knows, maybe in the future I’ll switch to they/them exclusively or expand to he/him.

There is no one defining non-binary experience. Nb-people are just as varied and different as binary people, who go by one specific gender.

There are non-binary people who choose to go solely by she/her or he/him and that’s okay too. It doesn’t make them any more or less non-binary and their identity is still valid.

If your head’s buzzing a bit by now: That’s okay. It’s a complicated topic and no one expects you to understand all of it in one chapter of one essay.

Just know this: If a person identifies as non-binary, you should respect their decision and use the pronouns they go with.

It’s extremely hurtful to refer to someone who already told you that they use they/them pronouns with she/her or he/him, or use they/them to refer to a person who uses she/her.

Think about it like using a trans-person’s deadname: It’s rude, it’s harmful and it shows complete disrespect for the person.

Non-binary people have existed for a very long time. The concept isn’t new. The idea that there are only two genders, with every other identity being an aberration to the norm, is largely a western idea, spread through colonialism.

The Native American people use “Two-Spirit” to describe someone who identifies neither as a man nor a woman. The term itself is relatively new, but the concept of a third gender is deeply rooted in many Native American cultures.

(Author’s Note: If you are not Native American, please do not use it. That’s cultural appropriation.)

In India, the existence of a third gender has always been acknowledged and there are many terms specifically for people who don’t identify with the gender that was assigned to them at birth.

If you’re interested in learning more about non-binary history and non-binary identities around the world, I’d recommend visiting these websites:

https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/History_of_nonbinary_gender

https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Gender-variant_identities_worldwide

https://thetempest.co/2020/02/01/history/the-history-of-nonbinary-genders-is-longer-than-you-think/

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/gender-variance-around-the-world

Also, maybe consider giving this book a try:

Nonbinary Gender Identities: History, Culture, Resources by Charlie Mcnabb

2. Non-binary Representation In Media

The representation of non-binary people in mainstream media hasn’t been... great, to put it mildly.

Representation, as we all know, is important.

Not only does it give minorities a chance to see themselves in media and feel heard and acknowledged. It also normalizes them.

For example, seeing a black Disney-princess was a huge deal for many black little girls, because they could finally say there was someone there who looked like them. They could see that being white wasn’t a necessity to be a Disney princess.

Seeing a canonically LGBT+ character in a children’s show teaches kids that love is love, no matter what gender you’re attracted to. At the same time, older LGBT+ viewers will see themselves validated and heard in a movie that features on-screen LGBT+ heroes.

There’s been some huge steps in the right direction in the last few years representation-wise.

Not only do we have more LGBT+ protagonists and characters in general, we’ve also begun to question and call out harmful or bigoted portrayals of the community in media, such as “Bury Your Gays” or the “Depraved Homosexual”.

With that being said: Let’s take a look at how Non-binary representation holds up in comparison, shall we?

This is Double Trouble, from the children’s show “She-Ra And The Princesses Of Power”.

They identify as non-binary and use they/them pronouns. They’re also  a slimy, duplicitous lizard-person who can change their shape at will.

Um, yeah.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Did I mention they’re also the only non-binary character in the entire show? And that they’re working with a genocidal dictator in most of the episodes they’re in?

Yikes.

Let’s look at another example.

These three (in order of appearance) are Stevonnie, Smoky Quartz and Shep. Three characters appearing in the kid’s show “Steven Universe” and it’s epilogue series “Steven Universe: Future”.

All of them identify as non-binary and use they/them as pronouns.

Stevonnie and Smoky Quartz are the result of a boy and a girl being fused together through weird alien magic.

Shep is a regular human, but they only appeared in one episode. In an epilogue series that only hardcore fans actually watched.

Well, I mean...

One out of three isn’t that bad, right?

Maybe we should pick an example from a series for older viewers.

Say hello to Doppelganger, a non-binary superhuman who goes by they/them, from the Amazon-series “The Boys”.

They’re working for a corrupt superhero-agency and use their power of shape-shifting to trick people who pose a threat to said agency into having sex with them. And then blackmail those people with footage of said sex.

....

Do I even need to say it?

If you’ve paid attention during the listing of these examples, you might have noticed a theme.

Namely that characters canonically identifying as non-binary are either

supernatural in some way, shape or form,

barely have a presence in the piece of media they’re in,

both.

Blink-and-you-miss-it-manner of representation aside, the majority of these characters fall squarely under what we call “Othering”.

“Othering” describes the practice of portraying minorities as supernatural creatures or otherwise inhuman. Or to say it bluntly: As “The Other”.

“Othering” is a pretty heinous method. Not only does it portray minorities as inherently abnormal and “different in a bad way”. It also goes directly against what representation is actually for: Normalizing.

As a general rule of thumb: If your piece of media has humans in it, but the only representation of non-white, non-straight people are explicitly inhuman... yeah, that’s bad.

So is there absolutely no positive representation for us out there?

Not quite.

As rare as human non-binary characters in media are to find, they do exist.

Here we have Bloodhound! A non-binary human hunter who uses they/them pronouns, from the game “Apex Legends”.

It’s been confirmed by the devs and the voice actress that they’re non-binary.

Nice!

These are Frisk (bottom) and Chara (top) from the game “Undertale”. While their exact gender identity hasn’t been disclosed, they both canonically use they/them pronouns, so it’s somewhere on the non-binary spectrum.

Two human children who act as the protagonist (Frisk) and antagonist (Chara), depending on how you play the game. (Interpretations vary on the antagonist/protagonist-thing, to say the least.)

Cool!

......

And, yep, that’s it.

As my little demonstration here showed, non-binary representation in media is rare. Good non-binary representation is even rarer.

Which is why those small examples of genuinely good representation are so important to the Non-binary community!

It’s hard enough to have to prove you exist. It’s even harder to prove your existence is not abnormal or unnatural.

If you’d like to further educate yourself on representation, it’s impact on society and why it matters, perhaps take a second to read through these articles:

https://www.criticalhit.net/opinion/representation-media-matters/

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/arts/why-on-screen-representation-matters-according-to-these-teens

https://jperkel.github.io/sciwridiversity2020/

https://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2019/05/22/why-is-equal-representation-in-media-important/?sh=25f2ccc92a84

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/why-representation-the-media-matters

3. So What’s The Problem?

The problem, as is the case with so many things in the world, is prejudice.

Actually, that’s not true.

There’s not a problem, there are multiple problems. And their names are prejudice, ignorance and bigotry.

Remember how I said human non-binary representation is rare?

Yeah, very often media-fans don’t help.

Let’s take for example, the aforementioned Frisk and Chara from “Undertale”.

Despite the game explicitly using they/them to refer to both characters multiple times, the majority of players somehow got it into their heads that Frisk’s and Chara’s gender was “up for interpretation”.

There is a huge amount of fan art straight-up misgendering both characters and portraying them as binary and using only he/him or she/her pronouns.

The most egregious examples are two massively popular fan-animated web shows: “Glitchtale”, by Camila Cuevas and “Underverse” by Jael Peñaloza.

Both series are very beloved by the Undertale-fanbase and even outside of it. Meaning for many people, those two shows might be their first introduction to “Undertale” and it’s two non-binary human characters.

Take a wild guess what both Camila and Jael did with Frisk and Chara.

Underverse, X-Tale IV:

(Transcript: “Frisk lied to me in the worst possible way... I... I will never forgive him.”)

Underverse, X-Tale V:

(Transcript: “I-It’s Chara... and it’s a BOY.”)

Glitchtale, My Promise:

(Transcript: (Referring to Frisk) “I’m not scared of an angry boy anymore.”)

Glitchtale, Game Over Part 1:

(Transcript: (Referring to Chara) “It’s ok little boy.”)

This... this isn’t okay.

Not only do both of these pieces of fan-art misgender two non-binary characters, the creators knew beforehand that Frisk and Chara use they/them-pronouns, but made the conscious choice to ignore that.

To be fair, in a video discussing “Underverse”, Jael said that only X-Tale Frisk and Chara, the characters you see in the Underverse-examples above, are male, while the characters Frisk and Chara from the main game remained non-binary and used they/them (time-stamp 10:34).

Still, that doesn’t erase the fact that Jael made up alternate versions of two non-binary characters specifically to turn them male. Or that, while addressing the issue, Jael was incredibly dismissive and even mocked the people who felt hurt by her turning two non-binary characters male. Jael also went on to make a fairly non-binary-phobic joke in the video, in which she equated gender identities beyond male and female to identifying as an object.

Jael (translated): “I don’t care if people say the original Frisk and Chara are male, female, helicopters, chairs, dogs or cats, buildings, clouds...”

That’s actually a very common joke among transphobes, if not to say the transphobe-joke:

“Oh, you identify as X? Well then I identify as an attack helicopter!”

If you’re trans, chances are you’ve heard this one, or a variation of it, a million times before.

I certainly have.

I didn’t laugh then and I’m not laughing now.

(Author’s note: I might be angry at both of them for what they did, but I do not, under any circumstances, support the harassment of creators. If you’re thinking about sending either Jael or Camila hate-mail - don’t. It won’t help.)

Jael’s reaction is sadly common in the Undertale fandom. Anyone speaking up against Chara’s and Frisk’s identity being erased is immediately bludgeoned with the “up for interpretation”-argument, despite that not once being the case in the game.

And even with people who do it right and portray Frisk and Chara as they/them, you’ll have dozens of commenters swarming the work with sentences among the lines of “Oh but I think Frisk is a boy/girl! And Chara is a girl/boy!”

By the way, this kind of thing only happens to Frisk and Chara.

Every other character in “Undertale” is referred to and portrayed with their proper pronouns of she/her or he/him.

But not the characters who go by they/them.

Their gender is “up for interpretation”.

Because obviously, their identity couldn’t possibly be canonically non-binary.

Sadly, Frisk and Chara are not alone in this.

Remember Bloodhound?

And how I said they’d been confirmed as non-binary and using they/them pronouns by both the creators and the voice actress?

It seems for many players, that too translated to “up for interpretation”.

(Transcript: “does it matter what they call him? He, her, it, they toaster oven, it doesn’t matter”)

(Transcript: “I’m like 90 % sure Bloodhound is a dude because he could just sound like a girl and by their age that I’m assuming looks around 10-12 because I’ve known many males who have sounded like a female when they were younger”)

(Transcript: “I don’t care it will always be a He. F*ck that non-binary bullsh*t.”)

(Transcript: “Bloodhound is clearly female.”)

(Transcript: “I’m not calling a video game character they/them”)

(Transcript: “exactly. The face was never fully shown neither was the gender so I’d say it means that the player is Bloodhound. So it’s your gender and you refer to “him” as yourself. It’s like a self insertion in my eyes.”)

So, let me get this straight:

If a character, even a player character, uses she/her or he/him, you can accept it, no questions asked.

But when a character uses they/them, suddenly their identity and gender are “up for interpretation”?

This attitude is also widely prevalent in real life.

Many languages only include pronouns for men and women, with no third option available. Non-binary people are often forced to make up their own terms, because their language doesn’t provide one.

Non-binary people often don’t fit within other people’s ideas of gender, so they get excluded altogether. Worse, non-binary people are often the victims of misgendering, denial of their identity or even straight-up violence when coming out.

People will often tell us that we look like a certain gender, so we should only use one set of gendered pronouns. Never mind that that’s not what we want. Never mind that that’s not who we are.

Non-binary people are also largely omitted from legal documentation and studies. We cannot identify as non-binary at our workplace, because using they/them pronouns is considered “unprofessional”. We don’t have our own bathrooms like men and women do. Our gender is seen as less valid than male and female, so even that basic thing is denied to us. I’ve had to use the women’s restroom my entire life, because if I go into a male restroom, I’ll be yelled at or made fun off or simply get told I took the wrong door. It’s extremely uncomfortable for me and I wish I didn’t have to do it.

And since non-binary people aren’t seen as “real transgender-people”, we often don’t receive the medical care we need. This often renders us unable to feel good within our bodies, because the treatment and help we get is wildly inadequate.

It’s especially horrible for intersex people (people who are born with sex characteristics that don’t fit solely into the male/female category) who are often forced to change their bodies to fit within the male/female gender binary.

And you better believe each of those problems is increased ten-fold for non-binary people of color.

We are ignored and dismissed as “confused”, because of who we are.

Representation is a way for Non-binary people to show the world they exist, that they’re here and that they too have stories to tell.

But how can we, when every character that represents us is either othered, barely there or gets taken away from us?

We are not “up for interpretation”.

Neither are the characters in media who share our identity.

And it’s time to stop pretending we ever were.

For more information about Non-Binary Erasure and how harmful it is, you can check out these articles:

https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/08/common-non-binary-erasure/

https://www.dailydot.com/irl/nonbinary-people-racism/

https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Nonbinary_erasure

https://traj.openlibhums.org/articles/10.16995/traj.422/

https://medium.com/an-injustice/everyday-acts-of-non-binary-erasure-49ee970654fb

https://medium.com/national-center-for-institutional-diversity/the-invisible-labor-of-liberating-non-binary-identities-in-higher-education-3f75315870ec

https://musingsofanacademicasexual.wordpress.com/2015/05/11/dear-sirmadam-a-commentary-on-non-binary-erasure/

4. How Do We Fix It?

Well, first things first: Stop acting like we don’t exist.

And kindly stop other people from doing it too.

We are a part of the LGBT+ community and we deserve to be acknowledged, no matter what our pronouns are.

Address non-binary people with the right pronouns. Don’t argue with them about their identity, don’t comment on how much you think they look like a boy or a girl. Just accept them and be respectful.

If a non-binary person tells you they have two sets of pronouns, for example he/him and they/them, don’t just use one set of pronouns. That can come off as disingenuous. Alternate between the pronouns, don’t leave one or the other out. It’ll probably be hard at first, but if you keep it up, you’ll get used to it pretty quickly.

If you’re witnessing someone harass a non-binary person over their identity, step in and help them.

And please, don’t partake in non-binary erasure in media fandoms.

Don’t misgender non-binary characters, don’t “speculate” on what you think their gender might be. You already know their gender and it’s non-binary. It costs exactly 0 $ to be a decent human being and accept that.

Support Non-Binary people by educating yourself about them and helping to normalize and integrate their identity.

In fact, here’s a list of petitions, organizations and articles who will help you do just that:

https://www.change.org/p/collegeboard-let-students-use-their-preferred-name-on-collegeboard-9abad81a-0fdf-435c-8fca-fe24a5df6cc7?source_location=topic_page

6 Ways to Support Your Non-Binary Child

7 Non-Negotiables for Supporting Trans & Non-Binary Students in Your Classroom

If Your Partner Just Came Out As Non-Binary, Here’s How To Support Them

How to Support Your Non-Binary Employees, Colleagues and Friends

Ko-fi page for the Nonbinary Wiki

The Sylvia Rivera Project, an organization who aims to give low-income and non-white transgender, intersex and non-binary people a voice

The Anti Violence Project “empowers lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and HIV-affected communities and allies to end all forms of violence through organizing and education, and supports survivors through counseling and advocacy."

The Trans Lifeline, a hotline for transgender people by transgender people

Tl:DR: Non-Binary representation is important. Non-Binary people still suffer from society at large not acknowledging our existence and forcing us to conform. Don’t be part of that problem by taking away what little representation we have. Educate yourself and do better instead. We deserve to be seen and heard.

[tundrainafrica]

i really thought hange was non-binary bc the one who said hanges gender was up for interpretation was kodansha us but isayama asked for gender neutral pronouns right?

here!

I’m gonna answer all of the gender asks in one go because for one, I don’t think I wanna flood my own feed and my own tumblr with the same arguments. 

I think a lot of the questions on Hange’s gender and the topic of  gender and sexuality overall are kinda intertwined and I feel like for anyone who actually reads my stuff, it’s better understood as one big wall of text. 

So I was wondering, is that song the absolute proof about hange's gender?

No. I think the interpretation of the song which people are using to prove that Hange’s nonbinary is very western centric. I actually did research around this song and knowing what I know about Japanese culture, I actually interpret the song as a way for Japanese people to break out from gender norms. 

For people who are not aware, Japan is incredibly strict with gender norms. The LGBTQ community is not as progressive as it is in Western countries (I mean gay marriage isn’t completely legalized yet). And just looking at it from the stand point of gender roles and gender expectations, despite the progressive thinking, there are a lot of things Japanese men and women have to conform to just to be respected in everyday society. Because in Japan, the community has always been more important than the individual and it’s honestly the same for most asian countries as well. 

A lot of the pressure of living in Japan, working with Japanese people is the pressure to conform and I’ve seen my friends do it through small things like getting bangs (because all Japanese women have bangs apparently), wearing make up when going out (because this is generally an accepted for all Japanese people) and always dressing your best because in that manner women are held to an incredibly high standard in Japan. And this goes similarly for men who are constantly pressured to be the breadwinner in the family. If your wife is making more than you, be ready to hear people talk. I know these expectations exist in a Western setting too but Japan is incredibly stiff as a society and this is one reason why, despite having numerous opportunities to moveto Japan myself, I am not at all entertaining that possibility. I have worked in a Japanese company and I hated it and moved to a western company right after six months. I have completely accepted the fact that there is no mobility career wise from a non-Japanese (and a woman at that) in Japanese society. 

In conformity, hierarchies etc, Japan is its own monster. That’s why when songs like Jibunrashiku, Hitchcock (by Yorushika) or Shisoukan (by Yorushika) come out, for one it’s in Japanese so I wouldn’t approach the songs from an English and as a Japanese speaker and someone who is pretty familiar with Japanese culture, I can’t help interpret that song as a social commentary for the shitty parts of Japanese society and how they tend to shoot the concept of an ‘individual’ down. 

But does that mean I completely shoot down the idea that Hange is NB? 

NO. Yams said so himself, Hange’s gender is unknown. But at the same time, Yams recognizes the fact that in the anime and in the live action, Hange is a female. If Yams were that adamant to make Hange NB, I think he would have at least made more of an effort to police how she is depicted in the anime and in the live action. 

 His exact words were:　「ハンジは彼（彼女）みたいな、ちょっと浮世離れした、枠にとらわれない自由な感じで描きたかったんです。」If I roughly translated it to English, “I wanted to draw Hange as someone otherworldly, free from the confines of gender.”

Tbh, I wanted to avoid these gender asks altogether but I’ve seen the environment in twitter and the ways many people approach gender, particularly ‘nonbinary’ or genderfluid and it really just doesn’t sit well with me. For one, what’s up with all these rules on how to approach our nonbinary and LGBTQ friends? What’s up with all these accusations that if we don’t follow them to a T, then we’re suddenly transphobic or homophobic? 

The fact that we’re creating all these rules on how to go about her nonbinary gender for one, just defeats the whole purpose of Hange being a free bird in the first place who wouldn’t have cared and who wouldnt’ ever have been confined to gender in the first place. 

I mean the establishment of set rules and social norms on how to navigate gender, sex, sexuality and gender roles is the reason why we had heternormativity in the first place. And what I can see, yes, we did get progressive, we did start recognizing other genders, other ways of thinking but the danger in all this is that, we’re once again creating frameworks and norms about how people that identify as these genders are supposed to act. And this defeats the whole purpose of why we recognized concepts of other sexualities, other genders and breaks from gender roles in the first place. 

We wanted to show these people that their feelings are valid, that the way they’re navigating their relationships and their identities are valid and the heternormative society we’ve lived in that has been condemning for so long, was flawed, was wrong. 

But the thing is, with the establishment of all these social norms on how to navigate our relationships with LGBTQ people and how to navigate our own gender, sexuality, sex and role is just making us regress back to that shitty heteronormative society of a hundred years ago. Because suddenly, everyone is questioning once again ‘How am I supposed to be feeling if I’m nb?” “How am I supposed to be feeling if I’m trans?” “How am I supposed to be feeling if I’m LGBT?”  

And we’re creating these abstract ideas of how exactly, being genderfluid is supposed to feel like. Am I really supposed to be going by ‘they?’ Am I supposed to be uncomfortable with CIS pronouns?

And If I don’t go through this process… If I don’t feel this way then maybe I’m not NB? Maybe I’m not Trans? Maybe I’m not LGBT? And if I don’t conform to this clear cut idea of what NB is which people set up for me, god forbid I might just be transphobic or homophobic. 

And Here’s the thing, everyone’s journey to self discovery is unique and there is no exact way to go about your gender or identity. I find it terrifying actually that creating all these clear cut rules have built misconceptions in so many people already on what they are supposed to feel like when they decide to identify with a certain gender which is no different from long ago when people had to hide the fact that they liked people of the same gender because god forbid they might just be persecuted for being gay. 

Creating these frameworks, these incredibly strict rules on how someone is supposed to navigate relationships with LGBTs and their own personal identities is only making it all the more dangerous for people who are in the process of discovering themselves. 

Back in college, I used to accompany a friend to a clinic when he was starting HRT treatments and before he started them, he had to consult with a doctor and the consultation lasted months. Before all that, they gave him a checklist of ‘feelings,’ which if he does experience them, he checks it and if he does check enough of them and agrees with a huge chunk of them, then he might have gender dysphoria and maybe the HRT treatments and sex reassignment was for him. It was a hundred item checklist,  pages full of waivers, warnings and questions about his own experiences with his gender identity. And the fact that he had to consult for months after on that? There must be a reason. 

Maybe because the academe realizes, maybe because those adept on the field on gender realize that gender is too complex of a subject to have been boxed into these categories in the first place. 

And this whole discourse or I wouldn’t say discourse more of like, this ‘pushing of agendas’ as to say, ‘this is how being gender fluid or non binary is supposed to feel like’ this is how being transgender is supposed to feel like and if you don’t fit it to a T then you’re not transgender or you’re not nb. Or if you don’t fit it all, maybe you’re just transphobic is dangerous for many reasons. Either it gatekeeps people who want to explore their gender further. Or it forces people to have to conform to these and force themselves to ‘feel’ all of these things in the first place. 

And god, this is just the gender issue, I haven’t even explored the sexuality, gender roles or biological issue.  

i mean pronouns are important but they don’t really reflect someone’s gender??? like there’s people who use he/they, she/they or all pronouns(? they just don’t conform to gender binary ahaha

Given the environment on twitter and having witnessed the bullying first hand that came with one writer who is active on twitter using she/her pronouns for Hange, I feel like my own writing and my own POV on how I go about my writing and how I approach the gender of Hange (since I strictly use she/her) might just be a ticking time bomb and I might find myself at the end of whatever hate war or ‘education’ or as I like to just refer to as bullying, one day. 

I believe though I at least have enough knowledge and awareness of the LGBTQ situation and I think I did put a lot of thought already into this before I made my decision to use ‘she’ to refer to Hange.

(And tbh, you can be nonbinary and you can be female at the same time and I’ve written about that multiple times already BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT EVEN IN THE SAME CATEGORY. And creating this mutual exclusivity between being nonbinary and female just kinda invalidates a lot of those people who are still deciding where exactly they fall in this complex web of identity discovery)

As someone who generally mainly hangs out with LGBT people and i have been doing this since high school by the way, and as someone who has tried all the sexualities on the spectrum, I talked to my asexual friends about possibly being asexual, I have experimented with women and sometimes, I just had dry spells and it just so happened that in the end of all these, I fell in love with a guy but I really believe that gender is such a flexible thing and even though I am with aguy right now, I still simp over lesbians, gays, ciswomen, transgenders because simping isn’t about gender. 

And these set of rules on how to navigate genders is just invalidating the experiences of people who are flitting in between the two identities and it just hinders the process of self discovery for a lot of people. 

Anyway, the point is, there is only one statement I found fundamental when approaching my relationships with the LGBT community and my own perspective on my self identity. 

Recognition of someone’s feelings and their journey to a gender identity and the pronouns that come with it are important.

Then someone might go “THEN WHY DON’T YOU RESPECT HANGE’s NON BINARY PRONOUNS. Because just because someone is nonbinary doesn’t mean they automatically go for they. Just because someone is non-binary, doesn’t mean I have to use every single pronoun on the spectrum. The only one who can tell me what pronouns they want used on them is the person in question. 

(I actually read an argument somewhere that going for ‘they’ just because someone is NB is transphobic lmfao. Assuming someone’s pronouns is apparently transphobic too lmfao.)

AND HANGE IS FICTIONAL. And we will never hear about which pronoun she would have wanted in the first place and I think the great ‘nontransphobic’ in-between is just letting people interpret characters how they want to interpret characters in this fictional world (And Hange can be both interpreted as nb and female). It’s the policing which makes the whole process of self discovery, the process of navigating genders all the more difficult for a lot of people. 

And policing how exactly people should navigate gender and sexuality is just gatekeeping. Hange is everyone’s character. The only gender and sexuality identity people have complete jurisdiction on, is their own. And this policing of what exactly certain journeys to discovery are supposed to feel like is inherently harmful for those who are still in the process of deciding for themselves where they stand. 

And going back to what Yams said “I wanted to draw Hange as someone otherworldly, free from the confines of gender/sexuality/gender roles.” I agree with that. 

Because even though I do use ‘she’ with Hange, I do not firmly believe that Hange is a cisgender heterosexual female either. I just believe there are so many more layers to her whole identity and I believe similarly for every single person. Just concluding for one’s self that Hange is nonbinary with a very narrow minded view of what non binary just generally defeats the whole purpose of being ‘free from the confines of gender’ and hinders a lot of discourse and analysis on Hange’s identity over all.

I mean, I don’t know if people agree with this but in the decades I have spent with my close friends figuring out their gender identities, changing pronouns, transitioning, coming out to their parents, here is one thing I noticed. They weren’t asking for a celebration of their gender or sexuality, they weren’t asking for all these policing on how people should approach them. All they wanted was for their feelings to be validated, normalized as an everyday occurrence. I think the point of all these LGBTQ discourse (and by extension race and sex discourse) were all there to just make all these different identities normalized and to completely eradicate the concept of a negative bias or an other which was generally plaguing society for a long time. 

And as their friends, I have never approached them as this champion who would make sure EVERYONE RESPECTED THEM IN THAT WAY IN TWITTER THEY BELIEVE LGBTQ PEOPLE SHOULD BE RESPECTED. All these nonverbal rules I have set up for myself on how to go about being friends with them is because I wanted them to be happy and comfortable in their shoes. And what were the types of things they appreciated? Me hiding it from their parents until they were ready to come out, me helping make their relationship work with their partner, me respecting the pronouns they requested for themselves, me accompanying them to HRT when their parents refused. 

And you know what, that was only a facet of our friendships. My friends’ gender identities and sexualities never dominated discourse. None of them were the ‘token gay friend,’ the ‘token lesbian friend’ or the ‘token asexual friend’ or the ‘token NB friend.’ They were all people I genuinely care about who just happened to have fallen in love with someone of the same gender. They were just people who just happened to be uncomfortable with their original sex. But I would never just describe them as just that. My friend who just so happens to identify as assexual makes a great companion on a night out drinking. My friend who just so happens to be trasngender is really great with logistics and planning and was super helpful and I was eternally grateful when we worked together on that one project. My friend who just happens to be a lesbian has the cutest picture of her girlfreind on her phone screen. 

I will memorize their favorite orders, what makes them tick, what makes them such a great companion, their talents, capabilities more than I will remember their gender. And that’s the characetr song in question is called “Jibunrashiku” or in English “just like me.” Because in the end a strict society which creates all these maxims of what exactly people of a certain gender should act would of course birth songs like “Just like me” A society which puts so much emphasis on gender and sex  as an identity instead of other things like personality, preferences, skills etc. 

And I don’t know if it applies to everyone. But my friends appreciate it because this journey to whatever gender identity they chose wasn’t rooted in some sort of strict framework on how they should be treated according to twitter. It was rooted in their own experiences and how these experiences made them feel. 

Do they feel weird in a woman’s body? Do they just don’t feel any romantic attraction to the opposite gender?

Just treat them as how you would treat anyone else you respect. Just be a decent person. Just be a good friend.

Respect their requests for their own personal pronouns. If they need help, help them to the best of your abilities. 

And here’s the thing, the approach I use with navigating identities, sexuaities genders are rooted in one very simple concept which can be applied to the race discourse, the feminist discourse etc etc. 

Don’t be an ass. Respect people. Don’t reduce people to one facet of their identity. And by extension, when faced with such a dubious situation, think, discern for yourself what’s right or wrong. When there are people educating you, policing you on what is right or wrong, process that information objectively.  

All I have here right now is my own opinions on the gender discourse on Hange and my own opinions on the discourse overall. 

If you don’t agree with it, then have a nice day and I hope you find something else that will convince you to be more openminded but...

UTANG NA LOOB HUWAG LANG KAYO MAMBULLY NG TAO POTA. MAGHANAP NALANG KAYO NG IBANG PWEDENG GAWIN SA BUHAY MO. 

ANG DAMING NASASAKTAN ANG DAMING NATRATRAUMA ANG DAMING NAWAWALANG GANA MAGSULAT KASI DI KAYO NAG-IISIP. PURO TIRA LANG. 

Okay thank you for listening. Do what you want with the information up there but I have said my piece.

[asexual-means-no-attraction]

I saw a really good post a while ago and I'll try to paraphrase it: instead of trans and non-binary people trying to push the idea that gender is fake, they should've focused on the idea that gender is cultural, and thus is going to have variation. (i.e. the Indigenous people that historically accepted people of a 'third gender') So the message is now "gender is allowed to be a little different for everyone because not every man/woman is going to be the same, so to hold up theses extremely (1/2)

(2/2) limited and extremely western-centric ideas about gender roles is ultimately harmful. I also think it would really help combat the way a lot of people see a celebrity or whoever be even slightly "gnc" (like kpop men who are Korean not conforming to white standards) and say "omg nonbinary icon!" All this to say, good things are possible, people are just too caught up in saying "everything is valid uwu" to change.

Answer:

This is one of those things where it acts like gender and gender roles are the same thing. Gender is very much a real thing regardless of culture. Gender roles, just like you said, vary from culture to culture. Personally I usually hear the whole "gender is fake" thing from nonbinary people more than trans men/woman.

I will say a big issue in general with most topics, be them political, lgbt, morality, religion, etc. tend to all be pretty western center in many online spaces. Part of this is cuz most social media sites where these things are talked about are American owned. So they tend to have a more western userbase. There are so many posts on Tumblr that seem to be under the assumption that everyone lives in the USA.

So personally, while I think you make a good point, I think a better way to address things would be to say "gender roles are fake, and vary from culture to culture." Rather than saying gender itself is fake. Cuz while a majority of nonbinary people root their identity in going against gender roles (specifically those who use gender roles for reasons why they don't feel like their agab) trans people would still be trans regardless of the culture they grew up in since gender dysphoria has nothing to do with external factors like gender roles, and everything to do with internal factors and your actual physical body's sex characterizes.

[strawbebehmod]

Some potentially controversial headcanons about sexuality and gender in atla

Ok so I have some headcanons about gender and sexuality in the atlaverse that may controdict some aspects of canon as well as many other's headcanons but I feel go pretty inline with the nations, either based on their inspo country's history or the feel I get from the nations in canon culture. If you disagree that's totally chill I just wanna get my thoughts out there to see who else agrees.

So with that let's begin:

Air nomads

This I think everyone agrees on that the air nomads didn't give a shit about gender or sexuality. Love is love and gender is an illusion.

They also were very pro poly relationships

However, cause of the whole communally raising children thing that's a part of canon I don't think all the temples really had a concept of marriage and some groups may have actually given you odd looks if you wanted to be exclusive with someone

But the general 'let it be' culture meant you really wouldn't get any widespread social grief on the issue just maybe have a few arguments with friends or maybe a partner that wasn't used to being exclusive or was used to being exclusive and you weren't, and you veritably weren't going to be ostracized for your sexuality or preferences in a relationship. It's a domestic issue rather than a social justice one.

Air nomads were by far the most accepting of asexuality and aromaticism.

Water tribe

I actually think things very between the north and the south a lot due to their seperation, but a commonality between them is their strong sense of gender roles and other ridged segregations in gender like the whole waterbending thing.

That being said, transness is very much accepted but there are specific ceremonies for transitioning and coming out to the tribe, and it can mean losing some privileges you had from the gender you were assigned at birth.

There's also a third non-binary gender that has its own specific ceremony. This circumvented a lot of rules about who could learn what type of waterbending, particularly up north but also carried a few unique social responsibilities like officiating weddings but could also strip you of some priviledges from your initially assigned gender, such as paticipation in specific gendered rituals such as women's cerimonies or men's cerimonies.

Those members had their own unique cerimonies and celibrations however.

In the northern watertribe specifically homosexuality is very much accepted but under the current cheiftan unions of politics like Yue's will almost always come before unions of love, so gay individuals can sadly be forced into hetero relationships via arranged mairrage, with the only concessions being that they can take on a single same sex lover outside of the union.

The absoluteness of the arranged mairrage rules can change based on who is in charge however.

Biphobia has had a history of being a problem in the water tribes as they have a huge emphasis on separation and opposites in their culture as their two biggest spirits represent yin and yang. Lesbians were long considered favored by tui and gay men favored by la, as if they were living symbols of the spirits.

There was discourse as to how bi and pan people fit into this model, some even horribly suggesting they were abandoned by the spirits, but the current concesus among spiritual experts and elders is they are actually a symbol of tui and la's love for eachother and thus favored by both.

The southern water tribe has always been laxer about the gender specific stuff and never had the arranged mairrage rules.

It was always much smaller however so LGBT individuals were less common. This often made it harder for homosexual individuals to find romantic love as there were just fewer fellow LGBT people that were avalible.

So if you came out as gay/bi/pan/lesbian to the tribe it was often the tradition to complete your ice dodging cerimony soon after and then become a sailor for at least three years to try and find romance while trading goods with the other nations if you didn't have a partner already.

A majority of southern tribe fishermen/women as a result were LGBT. Being a full-time fisherman is now a euphamism for being a lonely gay person.

Southern watertribe mermaid tales were almost always very gay as a result.

Unfortunately due to the southern watertribe's culture and traditions being decimated by the firenation's raids, a lot of LGBT culture in the southern tribe was also lost.

They're still pretty accepting but because of the dwindled population of the southern tribe and the fact that LGBT people tend to only make up 1-10% of an average population in the real world, it's rare for a gay individual to be born into the southern tribe, usually only once every generation now, if they realize they are gay to begin with.

As a result of that and the fact that bringing it up generally brings up the fact that the firenation destroyed what nice things they had, it's often not talked about outside of between elders mourning better times, which has made it even harder for some individuals to even realize they are LGBT to begin with.

The swamp benders are mostly men who wear leaf loin cloths they gay af and we're probs established by southern watertribe gays and bis that got lost in their travels and decided to settle down in the swamp, eventually attracting the attention of other lgbt earth kingdom people who decided to live with them.

Earth Kingdom

There's a huge divide among how it's treated among peasents and aristocracy

Peasents grew up on stories of past earth kings with many lovers, including several gay ones

So depending on where you live homosexuality is either considered something romantic of fairy-tales or celibrated as something unique and uncommon

In some places where people have more spirituality, some joke that gay people were royals in their past lives.

The earth kingdom is big tho, so some small towns can be homophobic but it's much rarer and usually because they were established by homophobes who were chased from areas that were very anti homophobia.

Fetishization of homosexuality can happen but it's again depending on where you are.

The earth kingdom is also very accepting of asexuality but there are stereotypes such as asexuals usually becoming gurus.

In aristocracy things are a bit different

Homosexuality is still pretty accepted but due to how prevalent arrange mairrages are it's heavily assosiated with affairs and running away from family obligations and thus it's a bit taboo to speak publicly about it in high society.

Lesbianism specifically cause China, what the earth kingdom is based on, has a long history of writing off women's feelings.

The upper crust of Ba Sing Se, despite lots of historically gay earth kings, has a big homophobia issue thanks to the Dai Lee slowly becoming corrupted after Kyoshi died.

Long Feng particularly had a hand in making talking about gay stuff practically off the table or seen as only something for filthy commoners.

Transgenderism, again cause of China historically treating women like shit, is a subject of a lot of discourse in the Earth kingdom, although there are no legal issues with being transgender and one can have their passports changed in certian cities and towns to reflect their gender identity if they move there, but only in those specific towns.

Omashu is one of them and is extremely pro trans and in general pro LGBT even among the aristocracy, infact king Bumi in his first year of rule established specific holidays for celibrating trans people, gay men, lesbians, asexuals, bisexuals, agender people, and any other gender or sexual identity Bumi knew about.

He has added to the list since. Whenever he finds out about a new gender identity or sexuality he sets the day he found out as a day for a feats next year celibrating it.

This is why there are so many feasts in omashu.

He also often officiates gay weddings himself because according to him "gay weddings are the most interesting and creative. They all have mad geniuses for their wedding planners I tell ya"

Tbh he will randomly show up to any wedding in his city cause he loves parties but he will specifically officiate gay ones.

The Fire Nation

Ok this is where some people may get pissed cause I disagree that the firenation is horribly homophobic

I know it was stated by one of the creators that the firenation has anti gay laws thanks to Sozin but Japan had a loooooong history of celibrating gay stuff prior to westernization and the firenation is based off of Japan. Also kinda headcanon Sozin as having a thing for Roku that fell apart with the whole war bs.

So Sozin never imo put into place any homophobic laws aside from banning gay writings and plays within the palace out of bitterness of having Roku betray him and just didn't want to have anything around him that would remind him of him. Dude got so mopey over it he neglected his wife and children a lot, despite the whole thing being 100% his fault.

Azulon on the other hand was a homophobic son of a bitch and put a lot of anti gay and trans laws into effect. While none outlawed same sex relations, they included ones that allowed people to get away with firing people or harming people for being LGBT.

Ozai was also extremely homophobic.

But before all this the fire nation was practically a gay paradise. Fire is the element of passion, and so gay sex and relationships were considered for a long time just as normal as heterosexual relationships.

There were festivals and holidays celibrating gay lovers, lots of LGBT writing and art, and many many plays on the subject

There were several folk stories of Agni the sun spirit coming down to earth to meet his male human lovers, including one that explained why we have night and day. (Tui introduced Agni to one of the volcano spirit's sons so that she may rule the night in peace without his constant incercession and annoying boastfulness)

Soldiers were pretty much expected to have a gay relationship with one of their brothers in arms if they were single to increase the loyalty among troops.

The firenation was the only nation where arranged mairrages could be nullified instantly on the grounds that one of the individuals involved was gay, unless you were the firelord and that was only because it was the firelord's duty to produce at least one heir to continue the linage, so it was seen as the firelord's sacrifice to his or her people to take up at least one opposite sexed partner. Romantic affairs were expected and understood in such situations however so long as there was already an heir to the throne born.

Families could even be punished with jail time for knowingly forcing their gay children into heterosexual relationships.

Gay couples could adopt children too and denying one on the grounds of being gay would be grounds for removal of your position in child care and being blacklisted.

There were still homophobes but homophobia was squashed a lot

Azulon managed to "justify" the cultural shift and changes to laws by having newspapers publishing fake news about pedophilia cases being linked to homosexuality as well as other stories linking homosexuality to degenerate acts.

He also used the culture of honor and family loyalty to shame gay children for ending their parent's bloodlines and claiming gay individuals were less likely to take care of their parents in their old age. And that trans children dishonored their parents by rejecting their "birth gender"

He even had certian folk stories changed to be heterosexual

This allowed homophobia and transphobia to spred in the firenation

However many individual towns held onto their pro LGBT roots and still published and performed gay literary works and plays.

And azulon and ozai were unable to remove many nonheteronormative traditions, such as guy friends being extremely physically affectionate, more so than with their girl counterparts.

In some areas it's still customary to greet close male friends with platonic kisses on the cheek

Zuko repealed many of the old laws established by his father and grandfather almost immediately, and reestablished many old holidays and protections for LGBT individuals.

Fixing the damage is still taking time, but with a corrected history of the firenation being now taught in classes thanks to zuko and aang, things are getting back to the way they once were slowly.

[muffinlance]

how would you approach writing nb!zuko?

Gonna make this a more general "how to write someone you're not" reply.

So whenever you're writing a character from a background you don't share, step one is to do your research. This applies to fantasy worlds just as much as it does to real world based stories, because while fantasy characters don't share the same history as our world, your readers do.

Never discount the baggage a reader is gonna bring, and never use it as an excuse to get lazy on the research. Especially look for no-goes like stereotypes that you'd be way better off avoiding. Where ever possible, try and find first-hand accounts.

Next you need to decide how the world you're working in will interact with this part of your character.

Is it like our world, where terms like non-binary are known but there's still a lot of antagonism from certain quarters?

Are you writing in a world where these terms aren't common yet, and the character might not have adequate ways of expressing their identity? (Not to be confused with the people themselves being uncommon--LGBT+ peeps have always been around.)

You can also have a world where such things are commonly known and accepted and treated as no big deal, which can be really relaxing to read, for real, we do not always need to be persecuted even in fake worlds. Do what's best for your story, but realize that making the world a better one than ours is completely legit, because you are the one choosing.

Culture-wise, I personally think Avatar feels like a world where different genders and orientations haven't yet been vilified. There's fairly compelling evidence that a lot of cultures in our world acknowledged other genders/orientations and were cool with them, but started repressing their own people/traditional ways of life once other cultures got all up in their business. So I'd probably write one or more of the Nations as being totally fine with such things, and try to figure out what roles (if any) those characters would commonly fill.

Like maybe non-cis people are considered super spiritually in tune in the Fire Nation, and a lot of them get recruited as Fire Sages. Or in some areas of the Earth Kingdom, having your gay brother and his husband live with you to help raise your kids and be a big supportive family is totally normal. You ask a kid in Omashu who their mom and dad are, and they can rattle off a whole list. It's really confusing to them when that new refugee from the colonies only has one mom and one dad, did the rest of them die in the war?

(Honey you can't ask that, we're so sorry--)

So that's research and culture. From there, it's just character. There is one very very important rule when writing a character from a group you're not a part of:

Write them as a person.

Specifically, that means rounding them out: hobbies and interests and quirks and pet peeves that have nothing to do with their gender/orientation. You know. Like a person.

You'll only really run into troubles if you try to make the bulk of their character be their "otherness" from you. Do not treat them as an exotic race. That's how you get things like male authors writing about females character's breasts bobbing boobily as they bounce up the stairs. Your character is a complex human being who is not much different from you; treat them like it.

Also a general rule is "if you're not from the group, don't write a story centered in the group's problems, because it's not your story to tell and you're probably gonna mess it up".

AKA: If you aren't non-binary yourself, it's totally awesome and fine to write a story about a non-binary Zuko, as long as you've researched and thought things through. It is not so great to write a story about the issues non-binary people face, featuring Zuko.

It's about the emphasis: is Zuko's plot the important one and oh hey he's non-binary as one part of his character, or is Zuko being non-binary a primary plot driver?

Former is all green, go go go. Latter is yellow, caution, question your life choices and why you think you're qualified to write this story in an authentic manner.

Note that's not a red-means-stop. It just means you should really check your motivations, double down on your research, and probably see if you can round up some non-binary beta readers.

tl;dr: Google the "How to write straight characters" panels from various conventions, I know at least the NerdCon one is easy to find the audio for. Learn via straight-faced satire. Enjoy.

[ugh-tsumu]

nacurious aq sa game nyo kaya pwede po bang magparticipate 🥺👉👈 *uses this as an excuse to dump a bunch of feelings i ran over with a garbage trak*

dear charo CHOS

consecutively through the years of highschool, wala akong habol sa love life. kahit na nakikita kong nag hhww or motmot mga tropa ko, masaya na akong nakikita na inlab sila. kuntento akong tagabigay ako ng advice, since unbiased nga ako regarding the feelings of being in a relationship; outside person ba?

summer before tenth grade, i bought a couple's bracelet from my friend na nagnenegosyo by selling locally from a larger seller. circular beads with vine-like engravings. ung isa puro white then isang bead is black, then the other is inverse. i joked “my significant other is myself XD”. during that time, my mindset was: i don't need a partner, kumpleto na ako by myself (with the thought na hindi ako magiging complete if may partner ako, as if 50/50 kami and hindi ako 100) tsaka hindi ko priority ang mga ganyan HAHAHAH promise, i don't think i'd do a good job handling one. di na nga ako marunong ng social cues dahil di nga ako tao minsan, kailangan ko pang mapag-aralan ang lablyfe lablyfe na yan huhu kaya wag muna ngauon dahil lahat ng oras ko nakatungo sa pagtatapos lol

of course, influenced yun (wanting to stay single/more like alone) with the fact na i've been going through something big and gradual, affecting my mental health. i was too emotional and emotionally dull at the same time, i was lonely, i was incomplete. i had a lot of pride, and i thought na i wouldn't be a whole person that loved myself if had someone to love me back. kasi tama naman diba? you need to fill yourself with love, bonux nalang ung love from a partner.

then came prom season. may cotillion dance na ihahatid sa prom night in february, so during some day in january, nagstart magsearch ng volunteers to dance for cotillion and practice.

kasali ako dun, kasi i had the lingering thought na “wala na nga akong lovelife, di ako palalabas, tutok ako sa pag-aaral, tapos di ko to susubukan tulad ng iba? hindi ko bama naisulit pagiging sekundarya ko” see the vibe? i was basing values from other people, at hindi ako. it proves na i wasn't content with myself.

i had a designated dance partner, kaso may gustong iba ang gg di ginawang practice lang pero understand ba’t nagback-out. kaso since i was a bit vulnerable then, i also thought na it's also because hindi ako womanly or attractive unlike the others na nag-aayos or may wari. pero di ako madungis no! di nga lang “makadalaga” 🙄 i tried to not let the insecurity bother me, i made it up for my average pero still :/

eh may naging partner rin akong iba na diniditch rin ng partner nya? i was exasperated and told him na maging tentative dance partner muna kami, to which our mentor agreed kasi stressed na sya, umoo nalang kasi nga hagardo verzosa.

he was sheepish, quiet and introverted. he was gentle and awkward, and it was obvious na he wasn't used to interacting with the opposite gender, kasi kalmado naman sya with his friends. but i was calm naman, and that seemed to ease him. i also cracked jokes every once in a while when i felt potential tension, kasi we needed to get the job done. i was also very understanding and patient. (brought 2 u by being ate of the family WHAHAHAH)

his actions were fragile, and he held me as if i was even more as such. (please take note na hindi ako kinikilig huhu cringe lang aq ng slight because of my behaviour back then.) vulnerable, i felt warm at heart when he was gentle, and when he was bashful. the relationship we had was wordless. our connection was gradual; it developed from something to something else real slow yet still very quick for me.

we started from stumbling and chuckling around. yet i'd still guide him kasi he never danced before, and since i had the air of a leader, i knew how to be patient and how to teach him while hand to hand. i honestly don't know where it started to turn, i just wanted to have him as a closer friend, until i suddenly found there was something growing between us.

i spoke softly between us, he spoke more and he laughed more, smiled more. we preferred sitting by the other during breaks, and during last minute discussions before dismissal, we'd sit by eachother. he used discord, e kaso di compatible un sa device ko and magulong maaccess thru chrome kaya naginstall nalang sya ulit ng messenger when our mutual friend told him i sent him a message.

it kept developing by then. our hold started to linger, our touches were soft, and in any way possible, we'd still have skin contact. tuwing magpapause ung music and may icocorrect yung instructor, hawak nya pa rin kamay ko at hinihigpitan ko naman ung sakanya, na ibabalik nya naman. then during water breaks we'd spend the time with eachother. then during last minutes magkatabi kami and our hands secure between us, him hiding it because we both wanted it private without speaking.

it was wordless talaga, kaya nabigla ako when it went towards the more romantic route. he suggested some advances that he allowed enough space for me to rejec, which i did almost all the time unless it's just hand-holding or yakap lang HAAHA d q alam kung ano tawag samin e, sabi ng tropa ko MU daw e di ko naman peg un, pero i was glad it wasnt serious. i wasnt ready kahit na it seemed we had a deep connection. we sat by eachother came prom night, and he wore the other part of the couple bracelet that my friends teased me and they gave it to him. we were quiet and many people we knew teased us since we were the more on the quiet side of the student body.

then came summer vacation and i ghosted him WHAHAHAHAH for a good cause!! nagkalabuan na kami, i always gave him time and made the effort while more often he doesnt reciprocate and sometimes di pansin for weeks. i swear it's nothing like clingy aq and i needed his attention 25/8, i knew my limits and his. well, his loss :// di rin naman ako ready e, so it was bound to happen.

plus, i felt much better after that because i realized i was forcing myself to act more feminine. and that time was years before i realized i was actually non-binary, and more masculine. i knew he was much hetero and he'd rather a true feminine partner. plus, he envisioned the future with me as a housewife tapos sya daw ung nagtatrabaho 🤢 pero anyway, i think i'd much rather have a female partner or actually just lgbt-aware partner.

ty missus!!

- nova

Omg anon, this is so intimate 🥺 thank you for sharing? AND ALSO, I WAS SMIRKING THE WHOLE STORY BUT you lost me at the last part when he said he sees you as a housewife lang 😔👊

Anyways, I'm glad you've moved on from him! And LMAO it's his loss for limiting his self to feminine preferences. Women (and men, tbh) are uniquely different. To limit your choices is stupid Lol 🙄

Also, I tried looking for a female character I know that will do you good talaga but they just don't seem to fit 😔 I ended up with a male character, I hope you don't mind.

I choose Chanwoo for you!

Love Advice from the Single-Ass Duchess of Tumblr

[nightlight-stardust-and-rain]

OK so I've been reading JJBA lately and like I'm constantly thinking "none of them are straight or cis, damn" so I'm just gonna write my headcanons about that! Also bits of au since I have ships, dammit.

(also, on a totally unrelated note : live fast die young by Hollywood undead is totally a Jojo song right?)

Jonathan - super omniromantic and also poly. In a relationship with Erina and Speedwagon. He just loves a lot 😔 he (weirdly, seeing when and where he grow up) doesn't really have any internalized homophobia. He loves who he loves and anyone disagreeing will catch his hands ! Or his words. Which are quite deadly too! Plus, the man he loves doesn't even identifies as a man, so ah. In your face homophobes.

Erina - demigirl and greysexual. She never really understood she was demigirl before meeting Speedwagon because she's a lady and nobles aren't educated on LGBT+ things I guess? She's dating Jonathan and is in a queerplatonic relationship with Speedwagon cause they're best friends fight me >:)

Speedwagon - agender, demisexual and very much into men. He doesn't even knows what gender is okay! But goes by male pronouns cause men are more respected in the streets or something?? He thinks it's kinda stupid since women are like super powerful when they want to but gotta do whatever it takes to survive in the streets right?? He just doesn't cares. He knows a lot about LGBT+ things since in the streets there are all sorts of people. When he explained how being agender felt to Erina she was like "oH" and after some talking they figure out that Erina is like one of Speedwagon's friends who kinda felt like a girl but not really (Speedwagon secretly organizes a meeting between this friend and Erina cause he knows how good it is to have someone who understands. The two girls become close friends). He's dating Jonathan and had a hard time accepting that someone like that was interested in him 😔 he's in a queerplatonic relationship with Erina cause they're platonic soulmates :D

Dio - this asshole is bigender and bisexual! A whole lot of internalized transphobia and homophobia since his dad was Like That™. He repressed absolutely everything, which might have been one of the reasons why he hated Jonathan, an out (or at least as out as one can be not knowing the word omnisexual or even pan or bi) and proud omnisexual. He was jealous. His internalized homophobia got better when he became a vampire but the transphobia? Nope, still here. Still an asshole, tho.

Joseph - BI BI BI. So, so bi. Also demiboy. Most of the time he's kinda a man but also *shrugs*. He knows the words for it since Erina and Speedwagon explained it to him but doesn't really cares cause it's just him! He is who he is, who cares! He was kinda in denial about his crush on Caesar until the final battle when he almost died. He honestly wasn't expecting for them both to survive so he isn't gonna throw this second chance away! Also very much ADHD.

Suzie Q - the biggest lesbian. Also Ace. Had an enormous crush on Lisa Lisa but it was more like... A puppy crush. Kinda. I mean come on 😔 Lisa Lisa is just so badass. She agreed to be a surrogate mother (is that the right word?) for Joseph and Caesar since they wanted children. She adopted Caesar as a little brother the first time she saw him.

Caesar - pan and genderfluid. He leans more towards the non-binary areas of the spectrum. He uses male pronouns for the same reason that Speedwagon did (they bond over it). He wasn't as in denial as Joseph about his crush, more exasperated about it. Like "this idiot??? Really ?? Do i just have bad taste??" he's quietly desperate. He doesn't really thinks his feelings are returned cause... You know (swift look to my "Caesar has self-esteem issues" headcanon). Of course this changes after the final battle. He really wanted children and loves Holly with all his heart. She's just too god for this world. He was surprised when Suzie declared him her little brother, like, three hours after meeting him,but it was nice? He likes having a sister *shrugs*.

Jotaro - demisexual and demiromantic. Otherwise, pan. Trans man :) He thought he was Aro-ace for a long, long time because really he didn't have any attachments. Until he met Kakyoin :D then he goes "oH this is what Mom and grandpa Caesar were talking about! It's. Weird. But nice??" he kinda... Likes being in love? It's nice and warm and hmmm he just likes it. It's even better since his feelings are requited.

Kakyoin - genderfluid! Also into men and greysexual (also autistic but like... This post isn't really about these headcanons) He's close friends with Caesar even with their age gap. He just never really met anyone who... Understood, you know. Never really had friends before. Also because I think that Caesar and Kakyoin would really be great friends :) he had a crush on Jotaro since pretty much... Half of their travel? It didn't take that long to be requited, really.

Avdol - gay Trans man! Honestly he thinks (jokingly... Or not) of himself as a moronsexual cause really Polnareff IS a moron.

Polnareff - also gay! Cis but likes to wear women's clothing from time to time? It's just comfy and pretty? *shrugs* he and Avdol are this "opposites attract" couple and honestly sometimes he wonders what he did to deserve someone like Avdol.

OK so I'm reading diamond is unbreakable right now and goddamn Josuke is such a sweetheart. I love him :D

Koichi : Bi :) and questioning his gender.

Josuke : Bigender! Demiromantic pan. He just can't imagine dating someone he isn't close of and I mean it's understandable! He's on the Ace spectrum too. Absolutely not neurotypical.

Yukako - Trans girl :D she doesn't really feels a lot of dysphoria cause she's well aware that she's beautiful but sometimes, rarely, it's kind of :/ but Koichi is always here to help her feel better :)

Okuyasu - non-binary! He just honestly doesn't gets the difference between being a man and a woman and how it feels?? Like what the fuck is gender guys. What the fuck. He's kinda confused (am I projecting my own confusion?? Maybe). He uses male pronouns cause his brother called him that so *shrugs* he's just used to it at this point? But when he tells his friends they ask him if he wants to experiment with different pronouns and he goes "uh. Yeah?" turns out he *really* likes ne/nem/Nir it's NICE. ADHD, so much ADHD. A sort of disaster omni that will have a sort of platonic crush on pretty much half of his friends but nothing too serious until he gets a real crush and then oh boy it's panic time.

Mikitaka - Non-binary! He doesn't even knows that humans are using a binary gender system (?). His pronouns are *shrug* he goes with whatever. Doesn't cares. He's also greyaro and Ace and in a queerplatonic relationship with Toyohiro Kanedaichi (oh my gods they were roommates). I would have said autistic but maybe he's just like that because he's an alien?

Toyohiro Kaneichi - agender and agenderflux. Also Aro-ace. Since they're cut off from society they can wear whatever they want and do whatever they want so... Yeah. They're the biggest anti-social ever and honestly mood. Also autistic and in a queerplatonic relationship with Mikitaka :) they're really happy to have someone who gets them to keep them company cause they may not want to get out of their tower but being alone full time kinda sucks.

Yuya fungami - Trans man! Poly and Pan. He and his girlfriends are all dating each other (if you tell me the girls aren't dating each other too I won't believe you) and honestly man they're just so pure this man is powered by his love for his girlfriends and I'm pretty sure those girlfriends could like take Kira out easily if they wanted to or were aware of his existence. He got a lot of dysphoria but his girlfriends are here to support him fully - one of them is Trans too and they all help each other :) (with cuddling because I really like the image). Yuya is kind of a asshole but he's still nice and respects his girlfriends so much 😔 they're all best friends and each other's... Support system? Moral support? I mean they all make each other happy and I really like their relationship.

I finished Vento aureo!! It's good!! It seemed so short tho, like it lasted what a week?? But it was good.

Bruno : cis pan man :) I already knew he was a Mom™ because of Tumblr but damn. He really is a mom. He always knew that he was pan and his dad was very supportive :) also I have this headcanon that he can sort of perform chest surgery with his zippers?? Like... I don't know why, but it's a headcanon I have? And that he helped young LGBT people in the streets, like to buy binders or find a support group :) he also has high-functioning autism and is dating Abbacchio. (tbh I headcanon him as cis solely because this man radiates trans/non-binary energy, so my mind decided that it would be funny if he actually wasn't, he's just the biggest trans ally ever)

Abbacchio : Bigender and dating Bruno. He never really... Thought about gender until he was already in the police, and then it was uh. Kind of a bad idea to be anything else than cishet. So he just... Repressed? Until he met Bruno and his kids, who helped him figure himself out. It was really nice to be able to wear dresses and such without feeling bad about it. He still feels some internalized transphobia because hey, years of repression don't go away that easily, but the gang is here to help him if it's bad and to leave him alone of he needs it :) also he has depression which is bad but his support system is good and he is improving :)

Mista : Bi ! Cis but he's the biggest, most enthusiastic trans ally (with Bruno). He considers himself Fugo's and Giorno's big brother (and Narancia's Best Bro™ with all those awful Bro jokes, I hate those but it's in character). Also he got some ADHD but like it's not too bad? It's more hyperactivity-impulsivity than attention deficit.

Narancia : some kind of non-binary but they're not sure which one and tbh they don't really care ? Like they're just... Vibing. Idk. They're just themselve ! (also. The sheer number of "I identify as an attack helicopter" jokes) greyace and greyaro, and the nastiest ADHD ever.

Giorno : Trans man, and also gay :D he rarely has any dysphoria moments but when he does, the gang is here for him :) he's Ace! (also I was thinking about him having OCD, but I'm not sure if it's valid since I don't know a lot of things about OCD).

Fugo : agender and nebularomantic ! (actually Fugo is my favorite character so i might be projecting a bit) They're autistic and let me tell you, I had a headcanon about them having serious anger issues before I knew that it was canon. They absolutely love having words to describe themselves because their parents were just. So transphobic and homophobic *sigh* but when they met Bruno, all genuinely got better. They really like labels and they're proud of their orientation :) which is kind of why Narancia's refusal to label themselves kind of angers Fugo. It's not that it's not valid!! No!! Fugo supports Narancia fully!! It's just that they don't understand not wanting to know exactly what you are and it ticks them off that Narancia CAN find out exactly what are his labels but doesn't. They have some sensory issues and most of the time, a meltdown mean Purple Haze, which Fugo absolutely does not like. They have purple noise-canceling headphones and a purple strawberry chewing necklace. They stim a lot, and at first they tried to disguise it as, you know, the "talking with hands"? (because let me tell you, with their parents, they would have been forced to hide that they're autistic. As such, they can pass as neurotypical with effort, but now they don't have to) but now they don't see why they would hide it, since the whole gang supports them :) they really don't like tight clothes, it itches, hence the holes.

(can you tell I absolutely dig the found family trope?)

Gonna edit this post as I read the manga.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

I’d go so far as to say that the nomination probably saved the site, in fact. For those who need a little background: despite being a small voluntary project the site was nominated for the 2014 Publication of the Year award by Stonewall, the UK’s largest LGBT charity, just nine months after its inception. This was a landmark step in Stonewall’s positive new direction on bi issues. To the best of my knowledge, this was the first time Stonewall had specifically nominated a specifically bi publication or organisation for an award. At this point my co-founder, who was taking care of the business side of things, had recently jumped ship and I was seriously considering packing the whole thing in. I won’t lie, I was astonished to read the email.

I’d worked on a publication which won the award under my editorship a few years previously. Unlike Biscuit, however, g3 magazine – at the time one of the two leading print mags for lesbian and bi women in the UK – had an estimated readership of 140,000, had been going for eight years and boasted full-time paid office staff and regular paid freelancers. Biscuit, by contrast, was being dragged along by one weary unpaid editor and a bunch of unpaid writers who understandably, for the most part, couldn’t commit to regularly submitting work.

Little Biscuit’s enormous competition for the award consisted of Buzzfeed, Attitude.co.uk, iNewspaper and Property Week. We didn’t win – that accolade went to iNewspaper – but the nomination was nevertheless, as I say, a huge catalyst to continue with the site. I launched a crowdfunder, which finished way off target. I sold one ad space, for two months. Then nothing. I attempted in vain to recruit a sales manager but nobody wanted to work on commission. Some wonderful writers came and went. There were periods of tumbleweed when I frantically had to fill the site with my own writing, thereby completely defeating the object of providing a platform for a wide range of bi voices.

The Stonewall Award nomination persuaded me to keep going with the site

The departure of the webmaster was another blow. Thankfully by this point I had a co-editor on board – the amazing Libby – so I was persuaded to stick with it. And here we are now. I don’t actually know where the next article is coming from. That’s not a good feeling. But, apart from for Biscuit, I try not to write for free anymore myself, so I understand exactly why that is. As a freelance journo trying to make a living I’ve had to be strict with myself about that. I regularly post on the “Stop Working For Free” Facebook group and often feel a pang of misplaced guilt because I ask my writers to write for free, even though I’m working on the site for free myself, and losing valuable time I could be spending on looking for paid work.

Biscuit hasn’t exactly been a stranger to controversy, in addition to its financial and staffing issues. Its original tagline – “for girls who like girls and boys” – was considered cis-centric by some, leading to accusations that the site had some kind of trans/genderqueer*-phobic agenda. Which was amusing, as at the height of this a) we’d just had two articles about non-binary issues published and b) I was actually engaged to a genderqueer partner, a fact they were clearly unaware of. Now the site is under fire from various pansexual activists who object to the term “bisexual”. To clarify – “girl and boys” was supposed to imply a spectrum and, no, we don’t think “bi” applies only to an attraction to binary folk. The site aims the main part of its content at female-spectrum readers attracted to more than one gender because this group does have specific needs. But there is something here for EVERYONE bisexual. Anyway, it’s a shame all of this gossip was relayed secondhand, and the people in question didn’t think to confront me about it (which at least the pan activists have bothered to do). We damage our community immeasurably with these kinds of Chinese whispers.

Biscuit ed Libby, being amazing

Whilst trying to keep the site afloat, I’ve also been building on the work I started right back when I edited g3, and trying to improve bi visibility in other media outlets. I’ve recently had articles published by Cosmopolitan, SheWired, The F-Word, GayStar News and Women Make Waves and I’m constantly emailing other sites which I’ve not yet written for with bi pitches. Unfortunately, although I am over the moon to be writing for mainstream outlets such as Cosmo about bi issues, it’s been an uphill struggle trying to persuade some editors out there that they have more readers to whom bi-interest stories apply than they might think. It’s an incredibly exhausting and frustrating process.

Libby and I are doing our best with Biscuit. I can’t guarantee that I would be doing anything at all with it if Libby hadn’t arrived on the scene, so once again I would like to mention how fabulous she is. But we desperately need more writers. We need some help with site design and tech issues. We need a hand with the business and sales side of things. We can’t do it without you. And if you know any rich bisexual heiresses who read Biscuit, please do send them our way. 😉

Grant Denkinson’s story

denkinsonpanel

Grant speaks on a panel chaired by Biscuit’s Lottie at a Bi Visibility Day event

So first of all, explain a little about the activism you’re involved/have been involved in. 


“I’ve been involved with bisexual community organising for a bit over 20 years. Some has been within community: writing for and editing our national newsletter, organising events for bisexuals and helping others with their events by running workshop sessions or offering services such as 1st aid. I’ve spoken to the media about bisexuality and organised bi contingents at LGBT Pride events (sometimes just me in a bi T-shirt!). I’ve helped organise and participated in bi activist weekends and trainings. I’ve help train professionals about bisexuality. I’ve also piped up about bisexuality a lot when organising within wider LGBT and gender and sexuality and relationship diversity umbrellas. I’ve been a supportive bi person on-line and in person for other bi folks. I’ve been out and visibly bi for some time. I’ve helped fund bi activists to meet, publish and travel. I’ve funded advertising for bi events. I’ve set up companies and charities for or including bi people. I’ve personally supported other bi activists.”


What made you get involved?

“
In some ways I was looking for a way to be outside the norm and to make a difference and coming out as bi gave me something to push against. I’ve been less down on myself when feeling attacked. I’ve also found the bi community very welcoming and where I can be myself and so wanted to organise with friends and to give others a similar experience. There weren’t too many others already doing everything better than I could.”

How do you feel about the state of bi activism worldwide (esp UK and USA) at the moment?

“There have been great changes for same-sex attracted people legally and socially and these have happened quickly. Bi people have been involved with making that happen and benefit from it. We can also be hidden by gay advances or actively erased. We still have bi people not knowing many or any other local bi people, not seeing other bisexuals in the mainstream or LGT worlds and not knowing or being able to access community things with other bis. We are little represented in books or the media and people don’t know about the books and zines and magazines already available. The internet has made it easy to find like-minded people but also limited privacy and I think is really fragmented and siloed. It is hard to find bisexuals who aren’t women actors, harmful or fucked up men or women in pornography designed for straight men. We have persistent and high quality bi events but they are sparse and small.”

What’s causing you to feel disillusioned?

“I’m fed up of bi things just not happening if I don’t do them. Not everything should be in my style and voice and I shouldn’t be doing it all. I and other activists campaign for bi people to be more OK and don’t take care of ourselves enough while doing so. People are so convinced we don’t exist they don’t bother with a simple search that would find us. We have little resources while having some of the worst outcomes of any group. I don’t want to spend my entire life being the one person who reminds people about bisexuals, including our so-called allies. I’m not impressed with the problem resolution skills in our communities and while we talk about being welcoming I’m not sure we’re very effective at it. I’m fed up with mouthing the very basics and never getting into depth about bi lives and being one who supports but who is not supported. I’m all for lowering barriers but at a certain point if people don’t actively want to do bi community volunteering it won’t happen. Some people are great critics but build little.”

What do you want to say to other activists about this?

“Why are we doing this personally? I’m not sure we know. How long will we hope rather than do? Honestly, are there so few who care? Alternatively should we stop the trying to do bi stuff and either do some self-analysis, be happy to accept being what we are now as a community, chill out and just let stuff happen or give up and go and do something else instead.”

Patrick Richards-Fink’s story

085d4de So first of all, explain a little about the activism you’re involved/have been involved in.

“Mostly internet – I am a Label Warrior, a theorist and educator. Here’s how I described it on my blog: “One of the reasons that I am a bisexual activist rather than a more general queer activist is because I see every day people just like me being told they don’t belong. It doesn’t mean I don’t work on the basic issues that we all struggle against — homophobia, heterosexism, classism, out-of-control oligarchy, racism, misogyny, this list in in no particular order and is by no means comprehensive. But I have found that I can be most effective if I focus, work towards understanding the deep issues that drive the problems that affect people who identify the same way that I have ever since I started to understand who I am. I find that I’m not a community organizer type of activist or a storm the capitol with a petition in one hand and a bullhorn in the other activist — I’m much better at poring over studies and writing long wall-o’-text articles and occasionally presenting what I’ve gleaned to groups of students until my voice is so hoarse that I can barely do more than croak.” So internet, and when I was still in school, a lot of on-campus stuff. Now I’m moving into a new phase where my activism is more subtle – I’m working as a therapist, and so my social justice lens informs my treatment, especially of bi and trans people.”

What made you get involved?

“I can’t not be.”

How do you feel about the state of bi activism worldwide (esp UK and USA) at the moment?

“I feel like we made a couple strides, and every time that happens the attacks renewed. I hionestly think the constant attempts to divide the bisexual community into ‘good pansexuals’ and ‘bad bisexuals’ and ‘holy no-labels’ is the thing that’s most likely to screw us.”

What’s causing you to feel disillusioned?



“It is literally everywhere I turn – colleges redefining bisexuality on their LGBT Center pages, news articles quoting how ‘Bi=2 and pan=all therefore pan=better’, everybloodywhere I turn I see it every day. The word bi is being taken out of the names of organisations now, by the next group of up-and-comers who haven’t bothered to learn their history and understand that if you erase our past, you take away our present. Celebrities come out as No Label, wtf is that. Don’t they make kids read 1984 anymore? It’s gotten to the point now that even seeing the word pansexual in print triggers me. I’m reaching the point now that if someone really wants to be offended when all I am trying to do is welcome them on board, then I don’t have time for it.”

What do you want to say to other activists about this?

“Stay strong, and don’t give them a goddamned inch. I honestly think that the bi organizations – even, truth be told, the one I am with – are enabling this level of bullshit by attempting to be conciliatory, saying things that end up reinforcing the idea that bi and pan are separate communities. We try to be too careful not to offend anyone. Like the thing about Freddie Mercury. Gay people say ‘He was gay.’ Bi people say ‘Um, begging your pardon, good sirs and madams and gentlefolk of other genders, but Freddie was bi.’ And they respond ‘DON’T GIVE HIM A LABEL HE DIDN’T CLAIM WAAHHH WAAHHH!’ And yet… Freddie Mercury never used the label ‘gay’, but it’s OK when they do it. And he WAS bisexual by any measure you want to use. But we back down. And 2.5% of the bisexual population decides pansexual is a better word, and instead of educating them, we add ‘pan’ to our organisation names and descriptions. Now, this is clearly a dissenting view – I will always be part of a united front where my organization is concerned. But everyone knows how I feel, and I think it’s totally valid to be loyal and in dissent at the same time. Not exactly a typically American viewpoint, but everyone says I’d be a lot more at home in Britain than I am here anyway.”

[homenum-revelio-hq]

are there resources you suggest for playing trans characters?

I don’t have a “go-to” link (or links) that I can give you, I’m afraid. I’m sure there are loads of great posts out there on tumblr and elsewhere, and I’ve done a quick search to find you a few places to start (links below!), but since gender identity and gender constructs etc. is a subject in which I’ve always been immersed, it’s not something I’ve ever had to search-out a how-to for the writing thereof. Honestly I find it’s a topic best explored and/or explained in story-format (whether fictional or non; prose or oratory) because it’s so entangled with who someone is that the best way to learn about it is to feel it -- to experience it through the lens of an actual person (fictional or real) who lives it. If that makes sense? Gender is such a personal, individual thing that the whole beautiful mess of identity and discovery and labels and self-discovery and determination etc. etc. that it makes it hard (in my opinion) to really encapsulate in a how-to guide sort of resource...but try starting with these:

An Important Note About Pronouns!

A General Overview/Reflection on Trans Characters and Stories

Probably the Closest Thing I Found To a “How To”/”How To Not” Guide

Some Further Tips On What Not To Do

HP Specific: The Attisgalli Corrective Draught (already part of our world building!)

Scriptwriters Trans Tag (this blog is a great resource in general; check their tags!)

Stories That Did It Wrong And How Not To Repeat Their Mistakes

A Detailed Guide to Writing Trans Masculine Characters

A Few Links On Definitions, etc.

*Some of these links are old, so the information contained therein may be outdated or the links within may be defunct; in many cases we also skimmed rather than reading in detail so the merits of their information/terminology may vary. Please use your own discretion and if you need clarification on something don’t be shy about asking, either us or the authors or check in with the fine people at Script LGBT+.

If you really want to immerse yourself in the subject, here are some of my favorite stories that involve exploring identity and transition and so-on:

When The Letter Comes is a beautiful short story that includes both Hogwarts-type tropes and genderqueer characters and it’s available to read online in its entirety for free which makes it a good starting point (it may make you cry. It does me. So good.)

Dreadnought is an impeccable superhero origin story featuring a transgender protagonist and if you want to understand the experience of being a trans woman, I can recommend no better place to start than here because it puts you right inside Dani’s head and takes you along every step of her journey in a way that’s both excruciating and exhilarating and while I wouldn’t classify it as a “guide” to writing trans characters (only because there’s no one way to be/write trans), it should still give you a solid understanding of being trans that you can build from.

The Deep And Dark Blue is an excellent fantasy graphic novel about two royal twins who survive a coup by hiding in a magical convent and I don’t want to give it all away but gender identity is a crux of the plot and its really just lovely.

Snapdragon is a charming (and sometimes charmingly-gross) graphic novel about outcast kids finding friendship and magic and an elderly witch and it does some really lovely stuff with gender and transition along the way.

The graphic novel Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe is a deeply emotional and moving memoir about e’s experience and exploration of eir gender identity that I genuinely cannot recommend enough. (This one also gets you right in the heart.) If you really want to know what it feels like to live outside the assigned-x-at-birth cis-binary box, this is absolutely the number one place I recommend you begin your journey.

The most important thing I think is to keep in mind that there’s no one right way to write a trans character, just like there’s no one right way to be trans. Every person’s life, personality, and experiences are different (just like for cis people). And a trans person is more than just their gender identity and transition experience. That’s just one part of who they are, like being left-handed or allergic to milk or having a good ear for music. It’s part of a person’s life and identity and there’s ways and times it will influence them and their experiences, but it’s not all that they are. Be respectful above all, and remember that even though your character is fictional you’re writing about real people’s identities and experiences too, so your number one rule should be do no harm.

To that end the links in the first section to posts or essays written by trans people about harmful tropes and their own views and experiences on trans depictions in media are a good place to start, because they can tell you what to avoid. For how to, I really think you’ll do best by feeling it first like you do when reading stories like Dreadnought or Gender Queer -- but that’s just me! If anyone else has other links or thoughts to chime-in with, please don’t be shy!

[dalishious]

Hey! There’s a lot of bad faith ‘criticism’ of how sexuality and gender identity is handled in Dragon Age, by people who are pretending to have legitimate points but rather clearly are actually just bigoted. That said, obviously everything can be critiqued and looked at, I do it a lot as a non-binary bi person. So I’m curious! What do you think on DA’s overall handling of such things, are there specific scenes, lines, how moments are handled, LGBT characters, that you’d change and improve on?

There’s a lot ofgood in the Dragon Age franchise in terms of LGBT+ rep, and never would I callit anything but one of the best game series out there in terms of this, butthere are also plenty of negativeelements, too. For example:

MAEVARIS TILANI: Thefirst scene that always comes to mind when talking about what could have beenbetter isn’t from the games, but in the comics: The way in which it is revealedto the readers that Mae is a trans woman. The fact that this is done by havingher tortured and beaten, clothes ripped off and chained to a wall for Varric tofind… Yeah. And you know what Gaider had to say about this scene, in hiscomments in the Library Edition? “I wasreally happy with how Chad handled the reveal of Mae as transgender. My worrywas that Varric finding her disrobed might be potentially titillating, but Ithink he handled it nicely.” Because yeah, there’s nothing more titillating than transmisogynisticviolence.What I would have done, honestly, is have Maevaris come with the crew from Those who Speak, and could help themwith the attack on the dragon cultists from the get go. Within that time therecould have been plenty of opportunity to have Mae share herself that she’strans, on her own terms and not, you know, via being beaten and stripped of herclothes.

Another thing about Mae is how she’s been artisticallyrendered since the comics, with concerns for the motivations behind this. [Link]

KREM: I’mcertainly not the first person to say this, so just to repeat again: It wouldhave been nice to have different dialogue options than what we’re given withKrem. Most of them are ignorant or overtly transphobic (“why pretend to be awoman?”) and some with misleading text, where instead we could have had opportunity for our characters to say theyrelate to him or something. It’s also sad that the player can have Krem, the only trans man, get killed.EDIT: Ah, also, he really should not have been voiced by a cis woman.

SHALE: [Note: I’musing she/her pronouns of Shale as those are what is used in game and in WoTv2.Pronouns do not equate to gender identity, sincerely someone who is building acollection of them.] Repeatedly characters call Shale a woman, and Shalecorrects them repeatedly that she has no gender. Like, literally, those are thewords used. “I have no gender.” And yet, the assignment of womanhood continues.It would have been nice for characters to instead accept this instead ofchallenge it.In Asunder, Shale is referred to as “it,” which is some classic bigotry, rightthere. It also adds to the thread of insinuating that Shale’s identity is onlybecause she was made into a golem.

LISME: In Last Flight, there is a genderfluid sidecharacter named Lisme that has a lot of improvements in writing since Shale—forexample, everyone in the wardens accepts him and naturally changes pronounswith how Lisme presents… but the whole gender presentation itself is referredto as “disguises.” That could obviously be worded a lot more respectfully. AlsoI would not kill Lisme off and then not even have a body recovered.

ZEVRAN: First, Iwould tone the hypersexualization waydown. There’s also some cringey implications from how his dialogue differentiatesbased on the warden’s gender [Link] only madeeven more disheartening when it was shared that he was originallyconceptualized as a love interest only for men.

ISABELA: LikeZevran, she could really benefit from a) being way less hypersexualized and b) notbeing constantly shamed for being open about her sexuality.

IRON BULL: Wowmore hypersexualization. Why. I wonder. //Sarcasm. Like with Bull I supposesomeone could try and claim that it’s part of his whole BDSM thing, except youcould totally write that without making him into this scary object obsessedwith sex. I also wrote a whole post about the good and bad parts of hisrelationship with Dorian, before anyone brings that up too: [Link]

GENERAL: It wouldbe nice to see more gay non-pc related healthy relationships, where bothparties stay alive. This has especially been a problem with F/F relationships,where most we’ve seen are abusive and/or predatory. However this does seem tobe changing, with Sera/Dagna and Tessa/Charter. Hope that continues. We alsocould really, really use more trans rep in the future! Maybe even the abilityto choose how your character is addressed.

[romolite]

*Important FAQ*

Aka questions that pertain to what I usually post about or stuff I don’t like getting asks about but continue to get asks about regardless.

[Insert any invasive question about my ethnicity/race]

I’m Ghanaian American. My parents were born in Ghana and I was born here in the US. I’ve seen it more on twitter and tumblr, but Black Africans don’t like me because I’m American, and black Americans don’t like me because I’m African. So I’m stuck in the middle lmao. I’m what you’d consider a First-Generation African, my parents are Continental Africans, and if I have children, they will be considered Generational African Americans.

First Generation African: A black person born in the US to parents who were born in Africa

Generational African American: A black person born in the US to US-born black parent(s)

Continental African: A black person born in Africa to parents who were also born in Africa

Non is just a prefix, black people don’t have a monopoly on the term! I suppose you think nonbinary people are racist huh?

Yeah sure it wasnt coined by black people but the context it’s currently used as was predominantly used by black people. ALL people who are not black benefit from and contribute to antiblackness, even if they are marginalized themselves. That kind of dynamic doesnt exist in other contexts (unless we’re talking about transfem + transmisogyny, but that’s something you’d have to talk to someone who is transfem about. Plus they have their own word for  “non-transfem”). Using it in contexts outside of antiblackness is appropriative (Yall are annoying as fuck with the “non-aspec” “non-lesbian”(this term also has anti-bi roots btw) “non-bi” shit etc, stop it. You also can’t complain about the “replacement terms” lumping yall with oppressors when “non-x” does the exact same thing you’re so worried about. “Cis” puts cis gays with cis hets, cis disabled people with cis abled people, cis white people with cis poc, I could go on.) 

Plus we’re talking about marginalized groups here. Black people are a marginalized group. Binary people as a whole are not so the term nonbinary isn’t appropriate at all.  I dont take issue with terms like “nonamerican” or “nonwhite” because (obviously) whites + americans as a whole aren’t oppressed for being white or american.

Basically using "non-x” in contexts to talk about oppression bad, everything else good.

Follow up: If we can’t use non-[marginalized group], what can we use instead?

There are other words to describe the people you’re talking about

non-transfem- TME

non-LGBT- cishet, or people who aren’t LGBT

non-trans - cis

Black people don’t have a monopoly on the acronym nb! I’ll call myself nb if I want to!

At this point I dont really care, go on your antiblack crusade elsewhere and out of my inbox, I’m always gonna mean nonblack when I use the acronym nb. 

And yes, you’re antiblack as fuck if you think black people telling you “nb” stands for “nonblack” is the same as exclusionists claiming “aspec” is for autistic people.

Is x AAVE?

I have a tag dedicated to what is and is not aave and how harmful it is for nonblacks to use aave given its history. I know some things overlap with southern culture but others are specifically for black people. A lot of “stan twitter” language/slang is just repackaged AAVE. No, I can’t tell you how to stop using AAVE. Don’t tell me you’re going to try to stop using AAVE, I don’t want to hear it.

Why don’t you like the n-word being compared to LGBT slurs?

Race and Sexuality/Gender aren’t comparable topics because each deals with a different history of oppression. I don’t care about slur discourse that much because I don’t even use/reclaim any myself except the n-word.

I have a problem with nonblack LGBT people co-opting black culture and struggle(like they always do), especially for trivial online discourse.

And to be honest it goes deeper than slur discourse. Every other day someone is weaponizing the oppression of black trans women, or comparing “cishet aces/aros” in the LGBT community to white/nonblack people invading black spaces (you know, something that ACTUALLY takes resources away from the people who need it, see the cultural appropriation of Black African and Blac American culture in literally any nonblack community while black people get demonized for said culture), or tokenizing their black friends to get away with something blatantly racist. And that’s not even getting into how a lot of gay slang/stan culture is just repurposed AAVE/black culture.

And I’m not gonna lie, I’ve seen this more with exclusionist accounts than inclus accounts, but it’s still not excusable for inclus to do that either. We get erased as black gay/trans/queer/aspec people up until it’s time for discourse accounts to bring us up to one-up each other

Can you give me advice on x?

Most likely not, because I’m not an expert or an advice blog. I’ll try, but don't take my word for it. I’m also tme, able-bodied, not Jewish, singlet, etc, so I’m not able to accurately answer questions about transmisogyny, (physical?) ableism, antisemitism, “sycourse”, etc.

I might be able to give advice on school-related stuff since I just graduated high school, but remember that students are not a monolith, and what worked for me may not work for someone else.

Can I follow if I’m nonblack/a minor/cishet?

Nonblack and/or cishet can follow but watch your step, minors blacklist the #minors dni tag before following

Why do you hate Ao3?

*long sigh*

I don't, I have a problem with the fact that it allows racist and (frankly voyeuristic) pedophilic/abusive/incestuous content to exist on its platform. It’s a good concept overall, but the devs are complicit in allowing “underage” and “noncon/dubcon” fics on their platform.

And there's the fact that they somehow need donations every year despite exceeding their goal several times over each year?

What’s wrong with Hazbin Hotel/The Ships/Vivziepop?

[WIP, as I have to go into extensive detail about this and I currently don’t have the energy for it]

TLDR: Viv made a half-assed apology for supporting racists (one of whom did blackface [yes the mask was used to do blackface shut up] to mock black activist) and drawing gross content. Her current projects including Hazbin Hotel are full of anti-gay/trans/aspec (Angel Dust, Vaggie, Alastor), antisemetic (Mimzy), and racist (Vaggie again, that yellow cyclops character that I’ve forgotten the name of) content under the guise of humor. If you’re into that shit, whatever, just don’t follow me and don’t whine when I make posts criticizing it.

What’s wrong with Hamilton?

Aside from the fact that it’s very obviously glorifying slave owners and made people worldwide believe the founding fathers were good people, LMM, the creator, is nonblack. This isn't his story to tell at all. 

Can you tag x?

I have a list of things I usually tag because they come upon this blog a lot. I cannot do catch all tags, as I have way too many followers for that. The closest thing to that is the “ask to tag” tag when there’s something potentially triggering but I’m not sure what it is. Everything is tagged as “x tw”. If something is extremely triggering, I’ll tag it as “major tw”

Do you tag slurs?

I tag slurs I’m not able to reclaim at all (i.e., d slur, f slur, t slur) or slurs I can reclaim but are being used as a slurs. I don’t tag the n-word, as I reclaim that one. I always tag the r slur

Can I message you about something/someone?

Unless you’re a mutual, most likely no. My DMs are only open to mutuals.

Do you want to be mutuals?

I don’t usually follow back people who follow me, especially if you’re under 16 or post things I’m not interested in.

Why is it important to have byf or about?

1) So I know gross people aren’t following me. This is not up for discussion

2) So I know someone’s not speaking out of their lane, which tends to happen a lot. (i.e, someone refusing to disclose that they are tme when discussing transmisogyny, someone not having their race listed when discussing racism)

3) Some people don’t want to interact with people under 18 or over like 30 or something.

Yeah, yeah, people aren’t entitled to personal information and all that crap but I have a serious problem with people speaking on topics from a place of privilege. Not to say they can’t talk about those things, just perhaps add a disclaimer that you’re privileged when talking about these things and be open to criticism, and NOT blocking people of the said marginalized group when they tell you something you’ve said was problematic.

I also have a problem with people who are intentionally vague about their age. There’s a difference between interacting with someone who’s 20 and someone who’s 29. I don’t want to say it’s the opposite for minors but at the same time there’s a difference for saying something racist at 13 and doing so at 17, and keeping your age vague makes it harder to determine how to deal with something like that. (Not that 13-year-olds shouldn’t know better, it’s just I don’t feel whole ass callout posts and receipt blogs are necessary for someone of that age).

Also anyone under 16, I can't stop you from following, but keep your interaction limited, please. This isnt an 18+ blog but I do rb suggestive jokes from time to time

I sent you an ask and you never answered it!

It’s likely that

I never got it

You were blocked

I’ve already answered this or it’s been answered in my faq

It’s a random positivity ask (which I appreciate but not sure how to respond to those)

You were rude in your ask and I didn’t feel like answering

I forgot until it was too late, which happens when my inbox gets a lot of asks at a time.

You sent it to the wrong blog (I.e, sending asks about my ocs to this blog instead of @ochood )

Hey, the op is [insert post] is [someone on my dni]! I usually double-check myself, just to be sure.

Have you heard about [someone who is mutuals with someone I’m loosely connected with]?

Most likely, no. And unless they’re an immediate danger to someone or they’ve got my name in their mouth, I don’t care.

Do you know who [x person/group/thing] is?Most likely no. Not to sound like a hipster but I don't usually keep up to date with trends. If I do hear about something, it’s most likely from twitter or Instagram.

Why am I blocked? Check here.

Why do you continuously move mains/change URLs/update themes?

I’m inconsistent. And sometimes there are posts on my blog that I no longer stand by.

Can I tag you in posts I think I’d like?Of course!