#//also technically 'my' language is more than just one? cause my first language uses words from the other language.... hmMmmm

[forcemeanakin]

Make you feel better.

•WARNINGS: SMUT.  Vaginal sex (female top), unprotected sex, blowjob, handjob, degradation kink, spanking, dirty talk. Explicit mentions of injuries.

Pairing: TCW!Anakin Skywalker x female reader.

Summary: You are a nurse in the 501st squad and General Skywalker needs some assistance. Only you could help him feel better.

Word count: 4.8K. This started as a blurb, but I’m incapable of shutting up. I haven’t stood up from my chair since 10am, so enjoy.

A/N: I’m so so so so in love with this man, it’s sickening. Scenario inspired by Ahsoka ep.5!. NOT PROOFREAD!!, english is my second language, so please be gentle. If there are any mistakes, pls let me know in private so I can correct them, thanks :) Also I have a serious issue between differentiating “in” and “on” situations, so bare with me lmao

Also first one shot since like forever????

____________________________________________

As a war nurse, you are used to treating the nastiest of wounds, the bloodiest of cuts, the vilest of injuries. 

You have chosen your profession out of love and vocation. As cliche as it might be, the true desire of your heart was to help people feel better: The plan was to specialize as a pediatric nurse, even becoming a doctor one day. Working at a hospital, maybe have a private practice with that medic husband of yours you often dreamed about. 

All of that was erased the moment war erupted. 

Fresh out of nursing school, every single one of your classmates, including yourself, were drafted to report to duty as nurses on the frontlines. The assignment of troops was random, but as if fate had decided, you were put at the service of the 501st. Little did you know, the job was harder than you had ever imagined it would be; and the constant bombing and deceased people you had to observe had nothing to do with it.

It was the general of the squad that made your job more complicated than it had to be.

General Skywalker. 

Well, it wasn’t exactly him, but the persistent crush you had on him. 

Needless to say, it was extremely unprofessional to be daydreaming of the person who was technically your boss. Even more unethical to be full-on fantasizing about his dick size when you were supposed to be suturing injured clones. But dammit, was it hard. So hard to be so close to his pulling presence and yet so far from achieving anything real with the man. Not that you had tried. Public rejection would be even more embarrassing than crushing on him. 

Anakin Skywalker hardly recognized your existence. Between his duty as leader on the field, his responsibilities as Jedi off-hours and the reduced sleep time he could squeeze in between battles, he didn’t have time to remember the name of one of the nurses of his legion. Especially when he never went to the tents himself; the god of a man was indestructible. 

Fuck, was he hot.

Just watching him scream: “Forward!” every day, as he ran directly to conflict with bravery was enough to have you dripping. His whole General image was your own personal definition of lust; his armor, the tone in which he would deliver orders, the frown he would wear until he had defeated each and every single one of his enemies. The smile he would flash whenever they won over a battle. Luckily, it was often.

But you had this idea that, out all of the medical staff, you were his least favorite. Maybe it had something to do with how social you were: always distracting his soldiers with jokes as you cleaned their cuts so they wouldn’t think of the sting. Or maybe it had something to do with how emotional you could get during your shifts: always fighting with your colleagues so they would treat the troopers as people, not numbers. Even if he had created a culture of trust among his peers, you weren’t sure if he appreciated that you caused so much trouble within the medical wing. 

You had endured a year of stolen glances, salivating at the sight of him from afar and lonely nights with just your hand. Cheeks would blush so fast whenever he would catch you checking him out, and maybe you were drunk on the smell of medical alcohol, but you swore that you caught him checking you out too once.

But that was long forgotten the next day, when he came back to being his same old cold persona. You forgave that aspect of him: the atrocities he had committed in the name of the Republic weighed heavy on his shoulders, slouching his proud figure whenever he had to face the reality of his situation. 

The same you had to face everyday.

“Who’s available?!” Yelling was the official way of communicating over here. You were finishing up a bandage on a trooper that had lost his left leg, meaning that you had to answer the call of duty.

The Ryloth takeover was more hectic than the squad had ever anticipated. Soldiers falling left and right, some didn’t even make it to the medical bay, just straight to the pseudo-morgue that was built to then give them a final resting place. 

“I’m almost ready to take the next one!” You screamed over the noise from the ships flying over.

“Ms. Dana.” Someone called you by your last name from outside the medical tent. “General Skywalker’s tent in 5.”

That made you drop the jar of gauze.

No one has ever been there, you thought. 

Outside of his skippy padawan and uptight master, Anakin’s tent had always been off limits to the public. His sacred place to unwind in peace. The ways he must unwind after a long day of battle…

“Ms. Dana!” That woke you up from a very explicit image of Anakin jerking off the stress away. 

“C-coming!” You choked. Grabbing your personal kit, you ran to the destination that had your clit throbbing with anticipation. 

You would see the sheets he slept on, the place where he storaged all of his robes, the shower that saw him naked every day. Jealousy of an inanimate object took over you as quickly as it left, making you feel stupid for getting angry at a room.

You almost didn’t notice that the battle was over, the only remnants of it were the people being moved in gurneys, the clouds of dust and the beaten up ships. Your outfit was probably not the best to endure the hardness of the Ryloth landscape: a tight, white buttoned up dress with a stupid little hat on top of your head. You hated the son of a bitch, it was ridiculous as fuck, but necessary for recognition among all of the personnel working in camps.

Anakin will think it’s stupid too. 

He will think you are stupid. 

The self-degradation stopped once you reached the entrance of his tent. Gulping exaggeratedly, you were unsure if to knock, announce yourself or wait until he was annoyed enough to come out and see you standing there like an idiot. 

“Come in.” It was his voice who cruelly cut the silence, growling. 

With shaking legs, the green fabric that formed his personal chamber was removed from your eyesight and you were hit by the delicious smell of him. So manly, so musty. It smelled like his cologne all over and you wished you bottle that up to spray it on your own sheets. 

It was less rewarding to see him sitting on the edge of his bed with an exasperated stare, analyzing your figure with obnoxiousness. You even cut short your eye-fucking tour of his body when you met his tired eyes.  Have you taken too long to get here?

“So they sent you.” He sighed, deviating his gaze. The evident disgust at your presence made you slouch timidly. You were a good nurse. The best one in the camp, if you dare to say. “I told Rex I’m fine. I don’t need assistance, it’s just a bruise.” His tone was harder than his words, surprisingly. 

“Well, now that I’m here, might as well take a look at that, huh?” Fighting through the devastating embarrassment, you proceeded to walk over his bed to place your kit. Biting your lip, you feared to ask the next question. “Shall we get started?”

He was one step away from rolling his eyes. “Fine. Just do it quickly.”

“Got it, sir.” Weird. There was no chilly breeze, however, Anakin had just flinched. “Care to show me where the bruise is?” 

He hesitated for a bit, closing his eyes with frustration. You were about to ask again when he exhaled with annoyance. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“I would like to confirm that. Please, sir, the faster we do this, the faster I’m on my merry way.” You hated that he was desperate to kick you out, but apparently your compelling argument helped to accelerate the process. 

After seeing that he still felt fuzzy about checking the bruise, you decided to start somewhere else. “Let me get started with this cut over here. Looks pretty nasty.” 

You doubted if to take a seat, scared that it would be too close to him, but you needed the space to maneuver. Giving up to your internal fight, you sat down next to him and began by cleaning up the wound that escaped the fabric of his burgundy robe. 

“That’s nothing.” He mumbled under his breath, still not looking at you. 

Ignoring his attempt to diminish your work, you decided to also ignore your basic instinct to start a conversation to ease up the process. The internal alarms of survival were yelling at you not too. However, there was a moment where the alarms shut down, basically because every part of your brain shut down simultaneously and it was when you had to grip his bicep to make it stand still. Your fingers dug into the hard muscle, feeling how every little bit flexed under your fingertips, proving first-hand just how strong he was. 

“Done. Now I’m gonna clean the ones in your face.” You poured some alcohol into another cotton ball and turned to face him. 

Being face to face with Anakin Skywalker had been the most intimidating experience of your life and that hot as hell scar and mean frown didn’t make it easier. In fact, it had you clenching around nothing. You cleared your throat before slowly reaching out for his chin, pulling him to give you a better look of his dirty and exhausted aspect. 

He gasped the second the puffy ball made contact with a cut on his left cheekbone. You took that opportunity to bring him some comfort, despite your irregular breathing and overall tenseness. Rubbing your thumb along his jaw, you saw his pain decreased until the sting was gone. You moved to another cut on his forehead, repeating the process until you had treated most of them gone. When you swapped your current cotton ball with a new one so caught him looking down on your body. 

It’s this stupid uniform.

He sensed your eyes on him and quickly deviated them to focus on your irises. You gulped before continuing your beeline around his face, this time close to the scar you often fantasize about in bed.

“That one 's old. No need to worry about it.” He joked.

He joked.

Unable to form a coherent comeback, you limited yourself to give him a nasal laugh, demonstarting that you got it. 

“Thought you wouldn't be this silent. You’re more chatty with the clones.” He said, slightly tilting his head.

“I didn’t know you wanted me to talk.” You replied, this time with a little smile as a peace offering.

“What did you think I wanted?” He frowned, interrupting your cleaning.

“I thought you wanted me out as quickly as possible.” You stopped momentarily to accommodate his face once more into a position you could work with.

He let out a dry laugh. “It’s nothing personal. I just want to come back to work.” 

“You just came back from battle and want to keep working? Do you ever stop?” You joked back, feeling how the atmosphere inside the tent had changed. Feeling more comfortable, you switched your body a little, now your chests were aligned, just inches apart. 

“Hardly.” He clicked his tongue, gaze slightly dropping to give a quick sweep of your lips. 

“Well, you should rest. Relax. That’s an important part of recovery.” You advised him, finishing up the last cut. You took a cloth of your kit and used it to clean some of the dry blood and dirt off him. 

“Can’t stay still.” He shook his head.

“There are other ways to relax.” You shrugged your shoulders, taking that little pause to admire his beautiful demeanor. Those blue eyes could spell you into saying yes to basically anything. 

“Like?” He pushed, licking his lips as his intense gaze focused on making you feel smaller and smaller.

“Like…” You dirty minded bitch, think about something other than sex! 

Almost like he could hear your inner dialogue, he chuckled. 

“Like taking a walk or reading a book.” You finally came up with a pg-13 alternative to relaxing. 

“Could be.” He snickered. After his beautiful giggle dialed down, you felt the tension switching. Thicker. More intense. “More of a physical guy myself.”

Feeling the pull to his plump lips, you rushed to get out of the trouble zone. “Ready for me to see this world-famous bruise?” 

Your brain short circuited when he snapped his shoulder armor in one swift move and threw it on the floor. The next thing had you mentally panting and physically in shock: Anakin was removing his robes to expose his naked and bruised torso. The skin of his middle part would dip perfectly into breathtaking abs, not to mention the flexing of his arms became more evident to you without the stupid robe in your way. 

The reddened-purplish spot expanded all the way from the right side of his lower abdomen, all the way down the waistband of his pants. The silent gawking didn’t go unnoticed by him, a little smirk coming to greet your widened eyes. That woke you up enough to get moving.

“H-how-“ You took a moment to regain some composure. “How did this happen?”

“A droideka fell on me.” He muttered shortly, almost as if the portion of information brought shame to him.

“Alright, I’m gonna need to palpate the area to know if there’s any further damage.” You announced with more nerves than a medical professional should speak to their patients.

Because he was now standing up, sitting down didn’t give you the best height to disinfect some of the minor cuts that tainted his perfect tanned skin. 

“Sir, I’m going to need you to lay down for me, please.” Formalities came back as soon as you felt threatened by his overpowering presence again. 

“No.” He spat, furrowing his eyebrows. “I’d prefer to stand, if it’s possible. Please.”

“Sure.” After all, it was your job to make the process easier for him. On the other hand, that meant having to kneel in front of him. That caught him off guard and almost backed down when you reached out to feel the tampered skin. “Please tell me where it hurts.”

Your little fingers began to poke around the wounded area, massaging the zones where you knew a more serious injury could present itself. It didn’t go under your radar the way he would have goosebumps whenever you looked up to him or groped him more firmly. Repeating over and over: “How does it feel here?” you made your way all over the part of the bruise that was visible to the eye. 

“Good. It seems like no internal organs have been compromised.” You announced with a little smile. Now the part you dreaded -and kind of expected- was next. “Uhm, I’m going to need to check the rest of the bruise to make sure you didn’t break your hip, sir.”

“Anakin.” He spat.

“Pardon?” You blinked rapidly.

“Call me Anakin. It makes this… easier.” He cleared his throat.

“Okay, Anakin.” You nodded. How you said the next thing so calmly was still a mystery to you. “So, I know this part may be uncomfortable, but I’ll need to remove your pants out of the way. Probably your underwear as well, if I need to take a better look. Don’t worry, I’ve seen enough male anatomy for this to be routinary for me-”

In the middle of your speech, as you dropped your gaze to prepare yourself for dipping your fingers under his pants, something snapped your attention. 

The gigantic bulge right in front of your eye line.

How you had missed such a tent while you palpated his abdomen was another mystery to you. 

“Uhm- I-” You choked, unwilling to look up. “I-”

Anakin made no effort to try and hide his wood. But what was the point? It was already there. You had already noticed it. 

Mumbling, you decided to continue being professional. It was a normal response after all. “I’ll go ahead and lower your pants, sir- Anakin, sorry.” You corrected yourself, but it was too late.

You had already seen the reason why he made you call him Anakin: his dick twitched the second you said “sir”. Now that was interesting. 

Your hand pulled down the brown pants, lowering his black underwear at the same time, only revealing his right hip, leaving the bulge quietly covered. Anakin’s chest rose uncontrollably, flinching every now and then when your hand would get too close to his boner, or when your warm breath would fan his exposed hip. When you finally dared to meet his gaze, to let him know you were almost through with the exam, you were pleased with the view above you. 

Rose pink cheeks, bottom lip trapped in between his teeth, darkened gaze fixed on your cleavage. It was the equivalent of liquid courage in human form. 

“Does this hurt?” You felt up another portion, this time closer to his groin. When he murmured a weak “no”, you inched even closer. “And here?” Same response. 

When you got to a point where your pinky grazed the bulge and he gasped, you knew this was the point of no return. 

“And does this hurt?” You asked, slowly palming the thick shaft that was threatening to rupture his pants at any given second. 

Swallowing harshly, Anakin refused to speak up a word. Instead, he let you carry on with your devilious plan. 

“And this? Does it hurt, sir?” You wrapped your hand around the still clothed member, rubbing faster and harder. 

He limited himself to closing his eyes, moaning on the low as your hand gripped his swell cock with more pressure and more confidence. Your ego was so high up in the sky that you had the impulse to rub your lips against the fabric already stained with pre-cum. 

“Sir, can I finish up the exam?” Your wide doe eyes were quite the contrary of your filthy intentions. 

Once he nodded with hooded eyes, you fished his veiny cock from out of the confinements of his underwear and tugged it out for you to admire all of its glory. It sprung free, the tip pointing directly at you, like it knew. Involuntarily, your mouth opened in admiration to such a big and thick frame. Anakin’s sly smirk made another surprise appearance at your gawking.

You were acquainted with male genitalia. But not like this. Never like this. 

So huge. So intimidating. So mouth-watering. 

“It’s almost like you have never seen one. Not as huge as this one, right?” You shook your head, biting your lip as you took in the whole image. You needed a minute to wrap around the idea that he was carrying this weapon everywhere he went.

Your hands -yes, plural, because you needed both to handle such beast- pumped fast to grant him the deliberation he so desperately craved. Yanking his thick shaft in between your palms had you pooling all over your white panties, like a goddamn slut. His hips were thrusting at the rhythm you had set, fucking your fist like he pleased. Feeling how he tensed his abdomen, the climax was closed.

Taking a last leap of fate, you stopped the jerking off momentarily and clutched the fabric of his pants down with both hands, revealing his whole lower part to your delight. His thighs, oh, his muscular thighs always did unholy things to you and to have them right there for you to grip was making you rub your own thighs together. Foreseeing what was to come, you let your hair down, losing the stupid hat.  

Digging your nails on the hardness of his leg, you licked the tip of his shaft, testing the water. The little drop of pre-cum you managed to catch was salty and warm, so deliciously milky. Moaning, you opened your mouth to lazily envelop his tip, rubbing it without interest, just softly teasing him.

“Look at you. Who would say that you would be so unprofessional, sucking your commanding general’s cock? Huh?” Anakin mocked you from his proud stand. “Miss little giggling nurse turned out to be a filthy cockslut. Salivating at the sight of my dick.”

You moaned, still pampering the reddened head of his cock.

“I could.” He chuckled, his thumb coming to caress your jaw just like you did to him earlier. “You think I haven’t noticed the way you stare when I walk by the medical tent? How you practically undress me with your eyes? Such a desperate slut. Begging to be fuck just right. Acting like you're not thinking about hopping on this dick while working.”

After giving a last open mouthed kiss on the sensitive tip, you opened your mouth and presented your pink tongue to him, for which he rewarded you with a smiling expression. 

“You offer yourself to make me feel better?” He cocked an arrogant brow.

Nodding, you let out a small, high pitched whimper to hurry him up. 

“Hope you know what you’re doing, baby.”

 And with that, he grabbed a handful of your locks with his gloved limb and the other one he used to tug your chin further down, making room for the rest of his cock. In the blink of an eye, he was fucking your throat raw, having no mercy for you or the tears that spilled from our eyes when he would especially far down. He emphasized repeatedly how he had to train you to take all of him in, that you were not properly ready to take someone as big as him. He even said it with pity, making fun that you hadn’t been fucking with real men. 

But he was here now. And he was going to take care of you. 

Even if you lack the ability to relax your throat enough for you to take the whole 9 inch monstrosity that was violating your breathing canal, he was appreciative of the way you gagged around him and the noises you made whenever the tip would hit a wall. He even praised the movements of your tongue on his underside, rewarding you with a little slap on your cheek. Anakin laughed when he heard your horny moan at the harsh action. 

Suddenly, Anakin stopped bobbing your head up and down his length, causing the mess of saliva that was covering both you and him to dissolve into a mesly string connecting you two.

“Let me see how well your other hole makes me feel, baby. Up.” As your legs made an effort to stand without shaking, Anakin returned to his previous seating position, this time manspreading to let his cock breathe in all of its glory. Patting his lap, he called you in like a dog. “Here.”

Dying of shame at the wetness that dripped from your inner thighs, you spread yourself until both your knees were at each side of his hips. Anakin glanced at the leaking juices and fucking grinned the brightest smile. 

“So wet just for sucking dick.” His index and middle finger retrieved some of the spill, playing with your sensitive nub on their way. He tasted the juices himself, licking his fingers clean. He hummed in approval, ripping your panties apart to have more access and drink up more of your arousal. “Pretty little pussy. Do you think it’ll fit?” He asked you with a narcissistic loop side smile, as he sucked some more off his fingers. 

“I don’t know.” You answered honestly, shaking at the ministrations of his hands around your ass.

“It will.” He reassured you, pulling your skirt up and entangling it just above your hips. “You’ll make it fit.” He put his hands behind his back, on the bed, yielding control to you. “Now show me how bad you’ve been wanting this. Ride my dick.”

Using his strong shoulders for leverage, soon your slick pussy was sucking up his length. The first contact had you digging your nails on his shoulders, fighting through the pain of the stretch, this position only enlarging the already swollenness of his member. Gasping with an open mouth, you fought to push yourself even further down. Skin to skin, you were feeling all of him in: every curve, every wrinkle, every twitch. Even after remembering the condom, you opted for not mentioning it. There was no way you could say goodbye to feeling him bare.

Anakin pulled you in by the neck, drinking in the scream you let out when you bottomed out. His lips tasted better than anything you had ever tried, so sweet by nature and salty because of the sweat. You just wanted more and more; anything he was willing to give you.

“Faster.” Anakin demanded; clasping to your hips to bounce you harder on him, to remind you that this was about him, not you. 

Obeying like the sub you were, you humped him faster, adjusting yourself to surround his shoulders with your arms so you could pull his hair. You knew he liked it by the way he purred on your ear, embracing your waist tighter to manhandle you better. The hug you were both entrapped in ended with his big hands holding both your ass cheeks, groping them in such a disrespectful manner: splitting them open, squeezing them until it hurt, slapping without any sort of consideration. 

“Mhm, just like that, baby.” He praised blissed out, his hand cruelly smacking your already red and abused rear. “You do know how to ride dick. So good, taking me so well with this slutty pussy of yours.” 

Chasing your own pleasure, you gripped him harder and grinded on his wood, rubbing your clit with his pubic bone. You whimpered when you felt the delicious shock on your clit, which only incentivized you to rock your hips even faster. You were close, so close to coming undone, clenching him like a vice. 

“C’mon, you offer yourself to me, to use you as I seem fit.” Anakin pushed you back so you could see him clearly. “I want you to bounce, baby. Bounce those tight tits for me.” 

Anakin removed three buttons of your dress, enough for him to get drunk on the sight of your boobs pressed together and bouncing, but not all the way exposed. Like instructed, you bounced on his dick like it was your job to do so, enamored by the view of him hypnotized by your jumping breasts. Your nipples would shyly come to greet out of your white top, albeit Anakin wouldn’t have the full show because of the fabric that still caged them. 

Tired of the partial view, Anakin’s hands left your ass and traveled to their next destination: your full tits. Without removing another button, he took in the weight of your boobs inside of his palms and played with your meaty buds like he had never seen a pair before. The rough movements of his hands around the fat caused your dress to open a bit more, basically leaving you naked for him. 

“They’re more gorgeous than I ever anticipated.” He muttered, before enveloping a peak inside his mouth and lapping at it repeatedly. “Seeing you with this lame excuse of a uniform it’s harder than going to war, baby. Craving a taste of you and not being able to do anything about it, it’s torture. Pure torture.” He moaned in a ragged voice, sucking in the same nipple with closed eyes, savoring it. 

“You- you wanted me?” You cried, sliding in more frantically.

You were so close and he had it in his hands to make you come in that same instant. 

“Baby, I’ve been dreaming about filling this pussy to the brim the second you were drafted.” He exhaled with a smile. “I hate seeing you with the clones: gifting them smiles that should belong to me, parading this cleavage around when it should be for my eyes only, showing off this ass when only I should know the feeling of it inside my palms.”

“Anakin! I’m coming! I’m coming!” You announced, simultaneously feeling how his dick twitched inside of you. 

“Let me feel it, baby. Come all over my cock. Indulge me.” This time it was you who took the initiative to kiss him, thinking this would be your last chance to savour him before this was all over. 

You convulsed around his dick, just like he asked, tumbling over his shoulder to regain your breath. Anakin followed short after you, shuddering as he spilled over, biting your shoulder to muffle his groan. 

After the aftershocks dissipated and you regained consciousness, the shame of what had transpired hit you like a train. Fixing your dress to cover more of you, you wondered how long you should wait before saying something. Luckily, Anakin broke the ice first.

“Next time you should keep the hat. I like it.” He chuckled, making you giggle as well. 

Needless to say, you were now expected to be in his tent every night after he came back from battle, split open for him, ready to take in all of the frustration of the day and make him feel better.

[literaryavenger]

I just saw a skating show and one of the guys looked like bucky and now I NEED a yn × figure skating partner bucky one shot. With them working on a throw and he's all mad she can't land it then gets hurt and all the angst and comforting. Omg please I'll cry I love you! ❤️

Ok, I have to admit this was my first ask and I got so excited that this got a little away from me. I'd like to say I'm sorry for not putting much technical stuff about figure skating in it but I know really nothing, I did my best researching stuff but it's still not much. I hope you're happy how it turned out, if not let me know! I really just took it and ran with it, I really hope you like it. 🥹❤️

also, sorry it took me a little but my keyboard broke and I had to wait for the new one because writing on the phone I would've made too many mistakes.

On Thin Ice - Bucky Barnes x y/n Stark

Summary: you're paired with Bucky Barnes for an important competition but your negative feelings towards each other make everything much more difficult. Figure Skating AU.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female!Stark reader

Warnings: Bucky being an ass. Reader gets hurt. Angst. Language cause why not. Minimal use of Y/N. My poor attempts at being funny.

Word Count: 6.6K

A/N: I didn't proof read it honestly, I was just excited to publish it. I'm going to double check it sometime tomorrow and edit it later! ❤️

Masterlist

Being a Stark isn't always easy.

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not like you’re superheroes or anything, but being the daughter of Tony Stark meant that you always had to be not only on your best behavior but you had to be the best in general, no matter what you were doing.

It’s always been a lot of pressure growing up, but it's something you're used to at this point.

All your life there just wasn’t room for failure.

When you were little you hated it, sometimes even hated your dad for it, but you had to give it to him that it made you detail oriented and more driven and focused than most, so with time you came to be grateful for it.

His continuous badgering you into taking various lessons as a kid is also what led you to discover your passion: figure skating.

Skating was something that just somehow came naturally to you, and the more time you spent at the ice rink the more you fell in love with it.

You loved just spending hours going and going, to the point where the world blurred around you and you almost felt like you were flying.

After seeing how happy it made you, your father eased up a bit on you, but he still expected perfection, which you always worked hard to provide.

All you’ve always wanted was to make him proud of you. Which he was and never failed to mention, but you were still terrified of disappointing him.

All the pressure your last name came with was nothing compared to the pressure you put on yourself, you were always your hardest critic.

That is, at least, until you met Bucky Barnes.

You don't know why, maybe he just hates you and likes to humiliate you, but it seems like he always has something to say about your performances.

It all started the very first day you met, you were 18 at the ice rink your father decided to buy for you on your birthday the week before.

You were shocked to say the least when he told you, but he had always been better at showing his love rather than saying it, and don’t ever let it be said that Tony Stark didn’t love his daughter to death.

It was the same place where you skated for the first time when you were merely 5 years old, which you then changed for one closer to your home, but this one held so much more sentiment for you that the extra travel time was worth it, and it was also much bigger, the place where a lot of the important competitions happened. 

The Saturday after your birthday you finally had some free time having just finished exams week and finally being done with high school once and for all, so you planned to meet up with Natasha at the newly named ‘Stark’s snowland’.

Natasha was also a figure skater and you two have known each other since you were 8 years old, participating in almost a lot your competitions together, which usually ended with the two of you in first and second place.

Then Natasha started doing more and more couples competitions with various partners, but you were still always there to cheer for each other.

When she texted she was running late, you decided to just wait for her on the ice so you went inside, put on your skates and just got lost in your head, glad that the early hour meant nobody was around yet.

Then, after having done a few easy moves and having just finished an Axel, you heard some clapping coming from the entrance of the rink.

You stopped abruptly and looked for the source of the noise when you spotted a brunette cheering on you like he was at the Olympics standing beside a blonde that looked kind of embarrassed by his friends' antics.

"Didn’t realize I had an audience." you said, while moving towards them.

"Well, you should with the way you move out there." the brunette said, shamelessly checking you out shortly before receiving a smack behind his head, courtesy of blondie.

"Sorry about him. My name’s Steve," the blonde said while you tried hard not to laugh at the look his friend was giving him. "and this jerk here is Bucky." He pointed at his friend, who seemed to suddenly remember you were there because he turned to you with a charming smile while you introduced yourself.

"Is this your first time skating here?" Bucky asked "I’m sure I would remember a pretty face like yours." he then added, making you blush.

"I usually only come here for competitions, but-" before you could finish talking you heard the door behind them open and Natasha screaming "Stark!" making the boys turn around to look at her.

"Romanoff!" you greeted her, laughing.

Bucky turned back to you, face suddenly all serious, which confused you a lot since he was all flirty smiles until two seconds before. He mumbled something about having to go and almost ran away as fast as he could.

You looked at Steve who seemed as confused as you felt, gave you an apologetic smile and went after his friend. 

You didn’t have much more time to ponder on the sudden turn of events because Natasha was in her skates on record time and raring to go.

All you know is, for the rest of the day you felt Bucky’s eyes on you but every time you turned to him he had a stoic look on his face, and every word out of his mouth towards you was criticism on whatever you were doing.

And here we are now, 6 years later and nothing has changed.

Now 24 and having graduated college, you can be found at Stark’s almost everyday while you figure out the next phase of your life.

It’s honestly not bad, your dad wanted you to intern for him at Stark Industries during college so, after you graduated, you could start working for him full time, but that’s not what you wanted.

If you’re honest with yourself you do want to take over your father’s empire one day, just not yet.

You wanted to keep doing skating competitions, therefore all the free time that you had during college was spent skating. And so, as a compromise, your dad had you teach a few kid classes during the week when one of the teachers unexpectedly quit one day, and you happily agreed.

You did this for all the duration of college, after graduating you kept doing it and, to your father’s delight, took on even more classes to keep yourself a bit more occupied.

It was at the end of one of these classes that you were suddenly approached by Barnes today, which was very rare.

Usually both of you did your best to avoid each other, even when you started being there everyday, you wouldn’t give each other even a second glance, as far as you were concerned.

You’ve liked him when you first met him, but after months of him being nothing but an ass to you, you decided to stop trying and largely ignore him unless you were in a larger group that consisted of you, him, Steve, Natasha, Sam, another friend of theirs that you quickly became friends with, and Scott, a friend you made your first week of college.

Needless to say, you were baffled to see Bucky walk up to you and not immediately insult your behavior during the lesson that just ended, like he usually does when he gifts you with his presence. Instead he said "Hey Stark, can we talk?"

"Uhm… sure. What’s up, Barnes?" you say while starting to put down the cones you'll need for your next class.

"You know the couples competition that we’re having here in a few months?" he asks, following behind you. You think he looks nervous, which you find weird as Bucky Barnes is as confident as they come.

"Yeah, what about it?" You stop what you’re doing and turn around towards him, too curious to not give him all your attention.

"Well, I wanted to sign up, but it seems like I’m missing a partner.,," he says while rubbing his neck, almost embarrassed by what he’s asking.

"Don’t you usually team up with Nat?" you ask him.

"I do, but she’s gonna be out of town that day, and all the other girls are either paired up or not interested…" he explains, still not going to the point.

"Where are you going with this, Barnes?" You ask, crossing your arms in irritation at the time he was wasting while you still have things to do before your next class.

"Are you really going to make me ask?" he almost whines and, when you merely raise your eyebrow, a clearly amused face at his almost desperation, he finally gets to the point of his interruption. "Fine. Will you be my partner?"

Although you suspected where he was going, it's still a little shocking to hear him ask. Before you answer him though, you feel the need to tell him "You know I’ve never done pairs before, right? Not even outside of competitions."

"I know, but I also know you’re a fast learner." at your confused look, he elaborates "You’ve been training here for what, six years now? I’ve seen you learn pretty advanced moves in a crazy short amount of time for last minute competitions or even just for fun. And, whether I like it or not, you’re one of the best figure skaters I’ve ever met." he finishes.

That last sentence has you scoffing at him and starting to get annoyed at him "You don’t need to lie to me just to get me to agree just because you’re desperate for a partner."

"Why would you think I’m lying?" he says while having the audacity to look confused at your anger.

"You do nothing but criticize me all the time! The real question is, why would I ever think otherwise?"

"Just because I criticize you, doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re good!" he says it like was the most obvious thing in the world. "Please Y/N, I really need a partner, and, right now, you’re my only choice. Please." he adds at the end, just for good measure.

To be fair, Bucky had never been this polite or patient with you, and has never even called you by your first name, so it was clear that this was important to him, which is probably what led you to say yes.

He seemed happy for all of two seconds before going back to being the usual jerk, which made you instantly start to regret your decision, but you figured old habits die hard, you just had to be a little patient and he would get easier to work with the more he got used to this. 

Boy, were you wrong. 

For the next three months you met with Bucky three times a week, working out your routine and training sometimes even for hours.

It wasn’t anything you hadn’t done before, but what really annoyed you to no end was finding out that Bucky’s favorite brand of training seemed to be complaining.

All he did was criticize every move you made, right or wrong, even the couples ones you were still learning.

You also found out that being so close to him for such long periods of time made you clumsier than ever, which did not at all help the situation.

All it took was for you to be near him enough to be surrounded by his cologne and suddenly you were falling more than usual, missing your cues and straight up forgetting the next steps of the routine, which only gave Bucky more fuel to add to the fire.

It also didn’t help that whenever Bucky asked you why you were so distracted you lost all your natural Stark sarcasm and could barely get out a sound, not knowing how to tell him even if you wanted to, which you definitely didn’t, that he was the problem.

But you somehow made it through it and, with a week to go before the competition, you had it down to a T.

Or almost.

"Damn it." you say, frustrated with yourself, after you almost fall again on the landing of the throw jump.

The problem with throw jumps is that Bucky has to pick you up and quite literally throw you in the air and, while he does that quite easily, being so close to him right before he throws you disorients you just enough to miss twists and fumble the landing.

A thing that you’d never tell Bucky, which at the moment is giving the most annoyed look you’ve ever seen on his stupidly pretty face.

"Seriously, Stark?!" He almost yells while skating closer to you. "Why the hell is this taking you so long to get right? You’ve done harder things than this both by yourself and with me, so what the hell is wrong with you?"

Like always, you don’t quite know how to respond to him, not even wanting to acknowledge the cause of your concentration problem.

"Let’s just try this again." You say, quieter than you normally would, and get in position.

Your back is turned to him but you can hear him sigh before you feel him move and position himself next to you. You nod at Scott who’s controlling the music, and he starts again.

Everything is going great, until, again you fumble the landing, but this time you fall on your knees. You can hear Scott shouting your name, so you hold a thumbs up to let him know you’re okay.

You can see Bucky getting closer to you with your peripheral vision, but don’t look up or even try to make a move to get up.

You can feel the tears starting to form in your eyes, not because it hurts, but because you’re so frustrated with yourself for not being able to do this.

You’re trying your hardest not to cry out of anger when you see Bucky’s hand in front of your face, a silent offer of help. The last thing you want to do right now is look at his stupid face, so you slap his hand away and get up on your own, ignoring Bucky almost altogether and putting yourself in position to start again from the top.

Bucky comes behind you, but this time you can feel him looking at you while he says, "We don’t have to go again. We can stop here for today." his voice much quieter than it's ever been before, which only fuels your anger more.

"The competition’s next week Barnes, unless you want us to make fools of ourselves, we need to do this until I get it right." You snapped, letting him see you angry for the first time since you started training.

He was a little shocked but didn’t say anything else while he got in position, signaling to Scott to start the music.

All you can think about at this point is the disappointment on your dad’s face if you don’t win the competition, or worse fall like you just did.

You’re not even focused on Bucky anymore, in fact you’re so distracted that you don’t even make it to the throw jump before you fall, except this time you can feel that something’s wrong as soon as you hit the ice.

You can feel pain shoot from your ankle through your whole body and get immediately dizzy, you could barely make out the lights on the ceiling, your eyes going in and out of focus.

You can hear yelling and, once you concentrated, you can make out Bucky's voice saying words like ‘stupid’ and ‘incompetent’, which made you wish you had just passed out so you wouldn’t have to hear him insult you.

Your mind seemed to clear a little and you realized your tears finally started falling at some point, but you didn’t have much time to ponder on that before you were being helped to your feet, Scott telling you he was taking you to the hospital and everything was going to be okay.

You realized Bucky was no longer next to you before you even realized you didn’t have skates on anymore and were barefoot, but you just assumed he was too mad at you to care about your ankle.

-

You’re sitting in a hospital bed with a stomp on your left foot when your dad walks in, worry all over his face.

"Hey junior, are you okay?" you roll your eyes at his nickname, surely you don’t expect Tony Stark to be any less sarcastic seeing you well enough, but you’ve begged him to drop the stupid nickname which he refuses to because ‘but you’re just like me, it's a compliment!’

"I’m okay dad, just have to wear this for a few days." you say, pointing to your foot on a pillow.

"Good. Wanna tell me what happened?" he asks, taking a seat beside your bed.

"Just landed wrong while practicing the routine with Barnes. Too distracted, kept fucking up landings." you tell him, not daring to look in his eyes.

"Pushing yourself too hard?"

He surprises you with this question, but you promptly answer it. "If I was, I would’ve been able to land all my moves correctly. If anything I’m not pushing myself hard enough."

You can’t look at his face just to see the disappointment at your failure, but when you feel his hand on yours you force yourself to look into his eyes, and, to your surprise, there's no hint of disappointment.

"You know, sweetheart, I do mean it when I say you’re just like me. And there is nothing more heartbreaking to me than looking at you and seeing the same self-destructive tendencies I have reflected on you." he wipes a tear you hadn’t realized was falling from your cheek and keeps going. "I hate that I passed that on to you. I should’ve been more careful with you. I thought that letting you know I was proud was enough, unlike my dad, but maybe I should’ve been more specific."

"What do you mean?" you ask, sniffling a bit.

"I’m not proud of you because you always come first in competitions, or because you get the highest grades. I’m proud of you because I know you always try your best and put all of yourself into everything you do. That’s what being a Stark is all about. Plus you’re my daughter so let’s be honest, I’d love you to death even if you were a high school dropout who deals fake drugs to college kids."

You laughed while drying your tears, grateful for your father’s inability to stay serious for too long.

You hug him and say "Thanks, dad. I needed that more than I thought."

You let go of him and tell him about the real reason you couldn’t concentrate: the long-haired asshole with eyes so blue you felt like you were flying in the sky while looking at them, and like you were drowning the second he opened his mouth to say shit about you.

Of course you didn’t put it on those exact terms, but your dad was pretty good at reading between the lines.

By the end he had a smirk that made you want to legally change your name and run away because you just know he’s never going to let you live this down.

"Well, sounds like he’s really something." that’s all he says, weirdly. You eye him suspiciously but he doesn’t add to his sentence.

In fact, he doesn’t say anything more about it until he’s helped you get comfortable on your bed back home.

"You know…" he starts "little boys pull little girls’ pigtails on the playground to get their attention, because they don’t know what else to do." he says.

"Yeah, boys are stupid, so what?" you deadpan and he laughs then surprisingly says "Exactly. Maybe you’re not the only one that feels something here. Maybe there’s a stupid boy that can’t take his eyes off of you, but doesn’t know how to get your attention other than criticize you." he says, clearly happy with where he ended.

"Is this your long way of saying that you think Bucky likes me the same way I like him?" You raise an eyebrow at him.

"This is my long way of saying don’t be a stubborn Stark and try actually talking to him about this. You’d be surprised how fast stupid boys grow up just to keep the girl they want. Just ask your mother." and with that he leaves with a wink, leaving you wondering how much more immature Tony Stark could’ve been to have to grow up enough to sweep Pepper Potts off her feet.

You spend the next few days as a little ball of anxiety on your bed, not being able to do much but overthink about Bucky, only getting a break when Scott came to keep you company.

The day before the competition you've enough and convince Scott to drive you to the ice rink, knowing Bucky was probably there.

When you get there you can hear music but you don’t think much of it until you get right in front of the door and realize it was the song you and Bucky chose. Frowning, you open the door and what you see makes your jaw drop.

There they are, Bucky and Natasha, doing your routine.

You don’t know when you got closer to the rink, but you cannot take your eyes off of them, that is until you hear someone beside you say "they’re good, aren’t they?"

You turn your head to see Sam and Steve, the latter looking at you in a knowing way that almost seems apologetic of Sam’s words, the effect of which Sam doesn’t seem to notice.

You always felt like Steve could see right through you when it came to Bucky, always looking at you like he knew exactly how you felt and how much his words hurt you.

Seemingly reading all the questions swimming in your mind right now, Steve offers you some answers.

"Natasha came back early from her vacation. He brought her up to speed and she agreed to help him out. They’ve been practicing non-stop everyday since the day after you got hurt." Feeling like you have enough information, you turn back to the ice. 

You watch them work in sync, almost like they're connected by wires and one can’t move without taking the other with them.

You watch as Bucky picks up Nat effortlessly and throws her like she's made of air. You watch as she moves so gracefully that it's almost surreal. You see her land every jump perfectly.

Again. And again. And again.

Every jump, every twist, every second you watch them something inside you brokes more.

You don’t know why, Natasha has been Bucky’s partner countless times before and it never mattered to you, and you’ve only skated with him for less than four months.

Maybe it was the fact that they're using the routing you and Bucky had come up with together, maybe you feel replaced.

Maybe it was the fact that you were coming here to talk to Bucky about your feelings and now you were seeing him flying around the ice rink as close with another girl as he was with you, maybe even closer.

They finish the routine and you can hear Bucky’s laughter, you can see his smile as he tells Natasha how perfect she was, how impressed he is at how fast she picked up everything, how glad he is that she showed up when she did.

Then it hits you.

Of course he’s glad she showed up. He never wanted to do this with you, you weren’t even a second choice, it took literally every other girl he knows to be unavailable for him to even think to ask you.

Why wouldn’t he be happy to have her back? He certainly never acted like this with you. He never laughed, barely even smiled...

He didn’t choose you, he got stuck with you.

Suddenly, it’s like everything he’s ever done, everything he’s ever said to you comes crashing down on you all at once.

It’s like you can actually hear your heart breaking and there’s only one thought on your mind: He likes Natasha.

It makes sense, the first day you met he seemed into you, right up until he saw her and the second he turned around he was done with you.

Maybe he started to be an ass just to make that clear, not wanting to actually say anything. After all, he always was very nice to Nat. To everyone but you really.

And it’s not like you could blame him, Natasha’s always been better than you. Growing up she was always your only competition, it’s a fortune you ended up friends really, considering how easy it could’ve been for you to hate each other.

She’s the reason you spent so much time trying to be better, and you’d like to say it was the same for her, but you doubt it very much.

She’s always been prettier, thinner, stronger, smarter, better with boys and at making friends. She was the obvious choice.

Of course she was Bucky’s choice.

You didn’t realize you were so deep in your thoughts, or that you were still staring at them, until you feel a hand on your shoulder and hear Sam’s worried voice asking if you were okay.

You look at Steve and Sam and all you want to do is get out of here. It was already a miracle you weren’t already crying.

Without saying a word you turn around and walk away as fast as you can with the damn stump on your foot. You aren’t fast enough though, because halfway to the door you hear Bucky’s voice, much too close to you to your liking, calling your name.

For a second you think you hear something seeming happiness in his voice, but quickly dismiss the idea and try to keep going, but then you feel his hand on your wrist turning you around to face him.

His face seems to instantly fall as he looks at you and all you can think about is how sick you are of being the only one that takes his smile away.

"What’s wrong?" he asks in a weirdly soft tone, but you can’t find the voice to answer him.

You two just stare at each other until you hear someone clear their throat behind Bucky, and you look over his shoulder just as Natasha starts talking.

"Hi, Stark. Heard what happened to you." she nods towards your foot "Sorry I haven’t been to visit you, we’ve been pretty busy."

You don’t look at her while you answer, turning your eyes back to Bucky, who’s still holding your wrist, while you say "I can see that. Don’t worry, Romanoff, I’m just glad Barnes finally has a partner that’s not incompetent."

All he does is stare confusedly at you, which makes you angry enough to yank your hand away from him, turn around and walk away, ignoring the calls of your name behind you.

You miss the sadness on Bucky’s face, or the way he questions Sam and Steve about everything you said and did since the second you entered.

Bucky, on the other hand, did not miss the tears starting to fall down your cheeks as you turn away.

You decide not to go to the competition the following day. It would be the first time you voluntarily miss one of Nat’s competitions, but you don’t feel like having a replay of yesterday’s show when it’s already been on replay in your mind all night.

Your absence doesn’t go unnoticed by your friends. Nat and Steve being the only ones that understand, even though they’re not very happy about it.

Another thing that doesn’t go unnoticed by the group is how much more agitated than normal Bucky seems to be.

Even during competitions, he’s usually very calm, but today the only thing that makes him stop pacing around the room is Natasha’s sharp ‘would you sit down’ that makes him sigh and sit next to her on the bleachers where they’re waiting for their turn.

He can’t seem to keep his body still as he starts to bounce his leg up and down out of nerves, and can’t seem to stop even when the redhead gets up abruptly with an exasperated ‘for the love of god’ and goes to sit further from him and near Sam, exchanging seats with Steve, who puts a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, effectively bringing out of his head and making his body still with another sigh.

"You know, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to." Steve tells his anxious friend.

"You know I have to Steve. Otherwise Fury won't let me do other couples competitions."

"I know, but the whole reason you started doing them was for the chance to pair up with Y/N, which never even happened until now." Steve points out while frowning.

"I’m not the one that chooses the pairs, Rogers, it’s always Fury. He’s the whole reason Romanoff and I worked so hard this week just so she could do this. Plus Y/N’s never been interested in these competitions so this whole idea was just stupid to begin with. Now after I finally convince her, she gets hurt and thinks I think she’s incompetent, for some reason." Bucky hasn't been able to stop thinking about what you said yesterday.

Why would you ever think he thinks you're incompetent? He knows he's been a dick to you for years, but never has he ever said you were incompetent.

It's really just constructive criticism given in a poor way. A very poor way... Yeah, he really just has himself to blame for the way you feel about him now, he knows it.

He doesn't even really have a justification for it, either. If he's being honest with himself, he's intimidated by you.

The first time he saw you he thought you were the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, you were so graceful on skates and looked like you were exactly where you belong, lost in your own little world.

Then when Natasha said your name, he realized who he was talking to: the daughter of one of the richest families in town.

He'd heard a lot about you and your family, your impressive achievements on and off the ice. He's ashamed to say he felt small all of a sudden, knowing just from hearing about you that he'd never be good enough for you.

Still, he couldn't help but be drawn to you, couldn't help but watch you as much as he could get away with, but the only way he could justify that without being seen as a creep was to criticize what you did. It made sense, right?

Bucky is pulled from his thoughts, again, by Steve’s voice.

"Well, you were basically yelling that at her when she got hurt last week." at his words Bucky's just as confused as he was yesterday when you stormed out.

"I didn’t…" then it hits him. "I wasn’t talking about her! I was talking about Scott because he wouldn’t hurry up!"

"Oh. Listen, buddy, we both know you like her. You fucked up, big time, and it’s gonna take a lot to get her to forgive you. You could start by stop being an ass to her and apologize." Bucky knows the blonde is right.

It will take a miracle just to get you to look in his direction, let alone allow him to apologize, but he has to at least try to make things right.

He stands up suddenly, startling Steve, and says, "you were there for all our rehearsals, right? You know the routine?"

Steve is confused, but answers with a slow "yeah, why?" but Bucky gives no further explanation, too busy picking up all his stuff.

When Steve puts together what his friend is hinting at, he quickly says "I didn’t mean right now!"

"No time like the present! Go change." he says, nudging Steve toward the changing rooms.

"Buck, if you go now Fury’s gonna kill you!"

"I don’t care!" he yells, basically running out the door and ignoring Natasha yelling his name, the only thing on his mind being running to you as fast as he could. 

Every thought in his head, though, is instantly forgotten as he comes to a sudden stop at the top of the stairs outside of the rink.

There, at the bottom, is you, looking just as shocked at seeing him there as he feels.

After a few moments of just looking at each other, you can’t take it anymore and decide to break the silence. "I didn’t know if I should come in. Didn’t know if Nat wanted my support after I was so rude, you know."

When he doesn’t say anything and just stares at you, you feel the need to keep going.

"What are you doing out here? Did I miss your turn? How did it go?" that seems to snap him out of it and he starts to move towards you, still not saying anything and making you even more nervous as you start regretting coming here.

When he comes face to face with you, finally, he speaks. "I was gonna come looking for you." your brows furrowed in confusion.

"why?"

"I have owed you an apology for a long time now. I’m sorry for being a dick to you for all these years… it really wasn’t about you. I just felt insecure and acted out about it, and eventually I felt so used to it I couldn’t help it..."

You were shocked to say the least, this was the last thing you were expecting tonight. "You felt insecure? Why?"

"Because you’re you!" he almost yelled, gesturing to your whole body and startling you a bit. "I mean you’re a Stark, you’re kind of a legend who lives up to the legend. You’re smart and talented and confident and beautiful. I never thought I’d be good enough for you... I still don’t."

You don't know what to say, but you aren't running for the hills so Bucky keeps talking. "I’d also like to make it clear that I’ve never called you incompetent. I was talking about Lang, that idiot took ages to get his keys to drive you to the hospital. I didn’t even realize you might’ve heard me until Steve pointed it out to me just now while we were waiting our turn and I just had to find you and tell you."

Once everything he said actually registered in your brain, the words came out of your mouth before you could stop them. "Wait, you left the competition to come find me? Natasha’s gonna kill you!"

He chuckles a little while saying, "I’d be more worried about Fury."

"Fury?" You're confused again. "Why would you be worried about Fury?"

"He’s gonna be pissed that I left. He’s the whole reason Romanoff and I trained so hard to make it here, I wanted to skip it after you got hurt, but he said if I did he wouldn’t let me do any more pairs."

"I thought this competition was important to you, that’s the whole reason I said yes. And you wanted to quit it?" You're more confused than ever.

"It was important because it was my chance to finally spend time with you." he says, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I’d rather not do our routine at all if I can’t do it with you." he adds, shrugging. 

"really?" you can’t help but smile at hearing him say ‘our routine’ "But you and Nat work much better than you and I do."

"perphabs, but I still think you’re the best there is. Even when it’s with me, a person you hate." He says the last part while looking at his feet, almost afraid of saying it aloud and perfectly aware that he’s the reason why.

"I don’t hate you." you say, almost too fast.

His eyes snap back up to yours. "You don’t? I mean, I wouldn’t blame you if you did. I’d hate me if I were you."

"Sure, I don’t always love the things you say about my skills, but you’ll never criticize me more than I criticize myself. Mostly, you’re just a distraction." you say shrugging, not fully realizing what you just confessed.

"I distract you?" he says with a smug smirk that kind of makes you want to punch him, bringing his hand to your cheek.

You groan but let him keep it there, loving the feeling of his warm hand against your skin. "Don’t get cocky with me, Barnes."

He laughs, but doesn’t say anything else waiting for you to elaborate with an expectant look.

"Fine." you sigh. "Yes, you distract me. You might be a jerk, but I can’t concentrate when I’m around you. All I can think about is the sound of your voice, and the way you smell and the color of your stupid pretty eyes... I can’t help but like you, no matter how much of an asshole you are to me, for reasons I’m sure have something to do with my father."

He laughs again at your last sentence and you swear you’d never heard a better sound. "So I guess I should be thankful for you daddy issues, huh." he says making you laugh with him.

"Yeah, you very much should be." you put your arms around his neck when his hand drops from your face and his arms wrap around your waist. 

"You distract me too, you know. Everytime you’re in the room you’re all I can see..." He sighs. "I’ll never apologize enough for all the things I said to you, but let me try. Let me take you on a date, for starters."

You pretend to think about it all of two seconds before you’re nodding with a smile, so he adds, "What about right now?"

"Slow down there, Romeo, why don’t we go cheer on our friends first." you giggle at his pout while you take his hand and lead the way inside.

When you take a seat next to Sam, just in time to hear the announcement of Natasha and Steve’s names, there's no wiping the smile off of Bucky’s face. His arm goes immediately around your shoulders to bring you closer as you greet Sam that had a knowing grin of his own.

You watch your friends go through the routine perfectly, to your joy and surprise. You really are proud of them, and you make sure to tell them when they are close enough to the edge of the ice while waiting for their score.

"Maybe after we can all go out to eat something." Steve suggests, still slightly out of breath.

"I’m sorry, punk. I have a date that I’m not missing for anything in the world." Bucky answers without taking his eyes away from you, his smile seared onto his face.

Steve chuckles at how whipped his friend already seems to be, moving closer to the judges with Nat when it was time for their scores.

Second place, not bad for a last minute thing.

As you cheer for your friends while they're given their medals, Bucky leans down and whispers in your ear "we would’ve come first."

You burst laughing and Bucky known in this exact moment that he would do anything to hear that sweet sound for the rest of his life.

You look up at him and raise your voice just enough for him to hear over all the screaming, with a smile big enough to match his "We totally would’ve."

[italiansteebie]

Idk if it was u or someone else that has already done this but I need Steve so out of it (hit his head or high or sum??) he literally forgets to speak English- like maybe he’s just saying stuff in Italian and he’s so confused bcuz no one understands him and he realizes he’s speaking his first language and not English.

Also the party would be drooling after him like?? He’s already cute and he speaks more then one language? Literally screaming!!!

tbh i've probably written something similar to this but for you anon, i'll do it again.

--

steve was walking, and if we want to get technical, he was really wandering, with robin trailing behind him. they weren't paying attention, they weren't really thinking, so.

it just so happened that steve wandered right into an opening door, and he fell back and smacked his head on the side walk. robin proceeded to lose her shit, cackling loudly before realizing he'd actually been hurt.

"oh, shit. dingus. are you okay?"

"oh fuck, i killed him!"

and what a surprise that was. eddie just so happened to cause this brutal door attack. his head was already swimming from the fall and now he has to form words around eddie? really?

"non sono mort." he mumbled, reaching back to run the spot where he hit his head.

"oh my god. he's having a stroke, he can't talk. call 911!" eddie was always one for the dramatics.

"robin, smettila di urlare. per favore."

"is that... italian??"

"non essere ridicolo. sto parlando un inglese semplice."

"steve. oh my god. parli italiano sul serio."

and that caused him to realize what he'd been doing.

"oh no! ha fatto perdere il mio inglese!"

robin doubled over in laughter. she knew it wasn't serious enough to call an ambulance, just knocked a few screws out of place.

"what? what'd he say?! oh my god. i changed steve's language. quick find the reset button!"

this only caused robin to laugh harder, her face turning red and tears leaking from her eyes. steve started to giggle at the sight, but eddie was still watching them, wide eyed.

"are- did i hit steve so hard it started effecting you too?"

as robin sobered up, she took a few shuddering breaths before she realized what just happened. "you speak italian! since when?" she shoved her finger in steve's face.

he groaned, "since always." he brightened, "hey! it's back."

"so i- i didn't change your language?"

"no. he's bilingual."

"oh! so you just decided that for me? you told me that stuff was personal, rob. but what does that have to do with you speaking italian?"

robin laughed shortly, "that's bisexual, dingus. bi lingual means you speak two languages."

"oh. then yeah. im bilingual."

"yeah, we've covered that. but since when?"

steve shrugged. "it'd be odd if i couldn't talk to my mom, right?"

robin shook her head. "it's like every time you open your mouth i found out some new lore about you, steve." and he just shrugged.

and eddie was still there watching this whole thing, trying not to pop a stiffy at the idea of steve speaking italian to him, all slow and sexy- no! bad eddie! steve is hurt, this is not the time.

"so." he dragged out. "i'm okay, ed's." steve assured. "yeah. okay, um. are you... so like. you're one bi... are you the other bi too... or?" eddie said awkwardly.

steve blushed and robin gagged. "yeah. is this your way of asking me on a date?"

eddie nodded dumbly.

"okay. tomorrow? bennys at 6?"

"uh. uh huh."

"sounds good, ed's. i should probably get my head checked out now. a domani, amore mio."

and that was it. suddenly eddie felt like he just got hit with a door. he was still reeling from the interaction when robins distant squealing broke him from his trance.

he shook his head.

steve's got more layers than he thought.

// i did use google translate so it won't be accurate.

"i'm not dead."

"robin, stop yelling. please."

"don't be ridiculous. im speaking plain english."

"you're speaking italian. seriously."

"oh no! he knocked my english loose!"

"see you tomorrow, my love."

[parasolyaa]

Buckle up, we're overanalysing Mischa's name

Firstly, it just cannot be his legal name on the documents. Mischa is always short for Mykhailo (equivalent to English Michael). Secondly, Bachinski is actually the Russian spelling of his surname, and, well, there was little chance of the writers using the correct form back in 2008. Ukrainian spelling is Bachynskyi! Thirdly, in Ukrainan and some other Slavic languages every person is supposed to have their father's name attached to their name. For example, if your father is Taras, and you are Andriy, than you would be Andriy Tarasovych. We do not know Mischa's dad's name, so for the sake of this exploration I'm just gonna go with Mykola (I just like this name and it is popular enough). That turns Mischa Bachinski into Mykhailo Bachynskyi Mykolayovych (Михайло Бачинський Миколайович)

+ I'm not sure, but Misha probably is a more accurate transcription of Міша than Mischa (update: i am now sure. Misha is objectively correct)

Now onto the etymology (sorta). The name Michael was gender-neutral with Hebrew origin (vaguely meaning "who is like God" or "gift from God", the second version is less accurate but I like it cause it plays well into my headcanon of Mischa being a miracle baby since it was unlikely for his mother to have a normal pregnancy after the radiation exposure). Odesa is a city with a lot of Jewish population so yeah. And also Michael is the name of an archangel in the Bible.

But as for Mykhailo specifically, a random Ukrainian article says:

Little Misha is an inquisitive and good-natured boy. He is very independent and likes to have his own responsibilities around the house. If Misha gets into good company, then there is no need to worry about him. Mykhailo is unsure of himself, so his parents need to encourage him more often. The owner of such a name is easily offended, but not spiteful. He is in poor health. Mykhailo's main shortcomings are that he gives up easily and never admits he is wrong. In love, he is very persistent and patient. Mykhailo can pursue his beloved for years. He does not know how to make compliments and give gifts. He proves his love not by word, but by deed. Tends to slight obesity and often has poor eyesight. The name suits Sagittarius, Capricorns, Aquarius. Not suitable for Pisces.

I only picked out the at least somehow interesting stuff, cause the article is long and you can read it yourself with the help of Google translator if you'd like. Also it has a section of female names the owner of the name is likely to get along well with, and it has no mention of Natalia (Talia), but Tamara was first on the list🥹

In Russian language Mischa is a way to say bear. In Ukrainian language Myscha is a way to say mouse. This is lowkey symbolic and I should use it in a fanfic at some point. Imagine Mischa telling everyone his name means bear and technically not lying, but in his mother tongue it actually is a tiny little animal. One of my headcanons is that his mother called him myshko (the way to say "little mouse" when reffering to someone directly. The subjective form is myshka, an even more affectionate/сute version is myshenya, myshenyatko)

Literally every noun in Ukrainian language has A TON of affectionate/сute versions, here are just some of such forms for Mischa: Mykhaylyk, Mykhaylychok, Mykhaylonko, Mykhaylochko, Mykhalyk, Mykhas, Mykhasyk, Mykhasko, Mykhasyo, Myshko, Mischenka. This isn't even a half, but some are quite impossible to translate. My fav versions are Mykhaylyk, Mykhasyk and Mykhalyk, they are also the most popular but basically all of them can be used if you wanna call him affectionately hehe

thank you for your attention folks🐭

[malina-33]

Femme like you - Chapter 1

Summary: You are the new tour manager for Arctic Monkeys during The Car era. You are practically the only girl in the team, also younger than the rest (27), so your skills are immediately called into question. In particular, by the frontman who is not used to being led by a woman.

Word count: 3,1k

Warning: age gap

A/N: Hi, you all!!! I'm so thrilled and excited to do this kind of stuff, but it feels like I'm making my dream come true. This series won't be very long even though I have an eye-watering number of moments I want to release in this fic, but English isn't my first language and it's pretty tough to write in it (so if you find any mistakes don't be afraid to text me and correct). I spent a lot of time to write this small opening chapter, that’s why following parts won't appear regularly, but I promise to uptade them every 2-3 weeks! They will definitely be longer that the opener😉

I read a lot of works with Alex, 'cause my addiction doesn't seem to disappear, so this idea just popped in my head and I couldn't resist. Never thought that I would be an author, not a reader in Tumblr, but voila - here I am. I really expect you to love it❤️

And yes, I know that their current tour manager is Steven Champan, but for the story I changed it slightly, hope you won't mind :)

“James, seriously?” Alex looked away in bewilderment from the bottle of Hennessy to Ford.

“More than you can imagine” producer chuckled. “I will be with my family in Scotland, I haven’t seen them in a while, and she will replace me for the UK and European parts only, it’s about one and a half months”.

Turner looked him up and down with a displeased look, still sitting on the couch with a bottle in his hands “That’s ridiculous. She has never worked with us! She will break into all our well-established processes, not knowing the specifics of the work and will only interfere. We'll make it on our own, not the first time, man, huh?” Alex decided to soften his tone a little to appease his friend and cutely knitted his eyebrows.

“Al, you are being childish. C’mon, we have already agreed on everything, she is a good specialist, don't let yourself be deceived by her appearance” Ford threw a jacket over his shoulders, silently saying that the conversation is over.

“Just because she's your friend's daughter doesn't mean she's good!” The singer spat out the last argument hoping to reach out to the conscience of their producer.

“Give her a chance, you won't be disappointed” James said mysteriously, closing the door quietly behind him and leaving the disgruntled frontman alone with his obsessive thoughts.

***

You sat in your car in the parking lot in front of the Domino Records headquarters, nervously clutching a Starbucks cup. There were still 20 minutes before the meeting, but you arrived early. All the documents had already been signed, the agreements had been discussed, but the most thrilling moment remained - the meeting with the group itself and the technical crew.

When James Ford, your father's old friend from university and at the same time music producer for Arctic Monkeys, called you several weeks ago with an unusual request, you simply didn't have a chance to refuse. You've been dreaming of working in this industry since 16, especially since you adored this group and were at their concerts six times. Being their manager for one part of the 7th album tour sounded like a fantasy, but here you are, sitting in front of their label building, where you have a meeting with the musicians. If you caught the lucky girl syndrome, then you definitely didn’t want to let it go. At least not now.

From the trance into which you plunged by shaking coffee in the cup, you were brought out by the deafening creak of tires on asphalt. You immediately snapped out and looked in the rearview mirror. An elegant Cadillac whistled and stopped 3 parking lots away from you just passing the dividing line.

You weren't stupid not to realize whose car it was. The passenger got out, slamming the door sharply. He was wearing a beige trousers and matching jacket with black vest underneath, translucent red aviators were on despite a cloudy day. Paying no attention to your car and not even bothering to close his, a man quickly walked inside the building.

You followed the door closed behind Alex Turner itself with a blank look, finished your coffee in one gulp and also got out of the car, taking your purse from the passenger seat. Having heard about his "punctuality", you assumed that everyone else had already arrived, so you walked to the building as well. "There's no point in delaying this moment, let's start early" you bravely told yourself.

The studio in southwest London wasn't as big as you expected it to be. The guard pointed you to room 14, saying that you were already awaited. Inside, the bright corridors were hung with rare photographs, including images of early Monkeys' concerts. You smiled slightly as you looked at the photos of four young people laughing with their hands in their pockets. "Nice time" you thought.

You didn't really understand why you were so inflamed. You are all adults, lads have been warned about the change in management in advance so it won’t be a surprise for them, what could be the problem? You had enough work experience to know what to do, you were excellently good-looking and successful, then why did your palms sweat? Immersed in your thoughts you didn’t notice that you had reached the end of the corridor and stopped at the half-open door, from behind which quiet voices could be heard.

“Oi, she better buy me a bottle of beer on the way, my head hurts after yesterday. Why did I come so early, gosh?”

“It's been 5 minutes since you've been here, and you've already blown my mind’’. Seemed that it was Matt.

"I prefer to come sober to meetings scheduled in advance, but for the future I will keep in mind to see you no earlier than Tuesday, Mr. Turner”. Maybe it wasn’t the best greeting phrase, but you just couldn't resist. When you entered the room with these words, 7 surprised pairs of eyes met your figure. Alex, Matt and Nick were sitting on a leather sofa in the center of the room, Jamie was pouring water into a glass at a side table, Steven was sitting in a chair talking to Ben, who was reclining on the arm of this chair, behind them was a man whose name you didn’t know.

"I'm sorry," you quickly became embarrassed, realizing how inappropriate those words sounded. Silence reigned in the room for a few seconds, but was quickly interrupted by the awkward coughing of that same unfamiliar man. "Um guys, this is your new tour manager for these two months, Y/N Y/S" He said softly enough, stepping out from behind the chair and holding out his hand for you. "I'm Marcus, James' assistant, the rest you should know".

"Yeah, right, he told me about you, I'm very glad to meet you," and carefully shifting your gaze to the others you added "everyone".

You stood in your knee-length leather boots, denim shorts and an oversized cream-colored jacket not knowing what to do with the burning eyes on your persona.

"Actually, I brought a homemade cider as an ice-breaker, it's in my trunk, so after the official part of the meeting we can try it. Not beer, but still tasty," you said with an apologetic smile, trying your last attempt to ease the conversation. The room froze in silence once again, and in this moment Matt laughed out loud, slapping his knee and throwing head back on the headboard. Jamie and Nick joined him, smiling broadly, while Ben, Steven, and Marcus chuckled hoarsely as they looked at each other. Only Alex remained frowning as he continued to scan your figure.

"I like her already! Great move, miss Y/S" Matt said, obviously being amazed.

You breathed a sigh of relief as you sat down in the chair Marcus offered you. He was noticeably younger than the others, near your age, which immediately made you sympathize with him.

"Well, when we finally got to know each other, let's get down to business. As you all know James is on an unscheduled vacation due to family circumstances. Hence we are going to work with Miss Y/S in UK and Europe festivals, while I will assist her. I know that Y/N discussed with James all the main points about dates, places and stuff, but now we have to delve into details of the organization process itself. Ben and I will explain the tech part and the lads will share their preferences" Steven began the discussion by leaning a little closer to the center of your improvised circle. He seemed to be a very wise and at the same time charismatic man. Attractive, but platonically.

“Sorry, may I interrupt before we start” It sounded more like a statement from Alex. “How old are you, once again?"

"I'm 27, Mr. Turner. And let's make it clear, since this still raises questions. Yes, I'm quite young relative to you and indeed a stranger to your team. But I've known James for a long time, as well as your work, whose main fan I have been since 18. I have been in show business for 7 years now and worked with Maneskin at the very beginning of their career. It’s not difficult for me to provide my CV if necessary, but I’m here because I sincerely want to help my father's friend and ensure that you have the most comfortable atmosphere during your stay in Europe. I have an idea what it's like to be on tour for a year, I understand how tired you are, and that you need conditions for rest and creation. So I'll let you do your job without the interference and you’ll give me freedom to do my work properly, I'm sure we both do it very well, especially since you are not the only one, Mr. Turner, who can make a show out of nothing”. At these words the drummer whistled, turning to the gloomy vocalist, but you continued “I’m really extremely happy to be a part of Arctic Monkeys team, for me this is a great opportunity to test myself and work with such big people like you. So I don't see any problems in our interaction, taking into account that I'm here temporarily.

You glanced at the men with a soft, but tenacious look, catching your breath “Didn't seem to miss anything at this point, deal?”

Steven was the first to answer, smiling paternally at you and accepting your little speech. You also noticed that Turner shook his head, but smirked to himself, which relaxed your muscles a bit. If you didn't get along from the first sentence, then at least you can establish a normal business relationship. You understood that the nature of a rock star is unpredictable, following the development of the group and the change in the image of the frontman for many years, but you couldn't imagine that he would talk so irritably to new people. Yes, he certainly behaved ugly, but you also started the dialogue with a caustic comment. Apparently, you deserve each other.

After the temperature in the room dropped and everyone took a more relaxed posture, you began to discuss current tasks. Your first gig will be in Bristol on May 29th, so you have two weeks to get ready. In fact, everything has already been done even before the start of the whole tour. Now your duty is only to coordinate the setlists with the guys for each performance, to make sure that all agreements with venues are fulfilled, the rider is completed, the equipment is working properly, the buses are ordered, the hotels have confirmed the reservation, and the whole team has arrived safe and sound. Okay, maybe it's not so little, but you're ready for any challenge. This is your passion after all.

You will ride in a separate minivan with the management team, and not with the guys, which in general wasn’t a big surprise for you, but in hotels you will be provided with a separate room, unlike the rest of the staff, who live in double suits. You didn't know what caused such generosity, but you were pleased anyway. You talked for about an hour, agreeing to meet again at the sound check in a week, and then only before leaving for Bristol. During this time you will have to study all the venues, call the transport company and confirm the details of the trips.

Your meeting ended on a positive note, the guys were asking you about your life, your education and hobbies, you said that you had been dancing professionally for many years and even took up drumming at the university, to which Matt happily promised to give you lessons, triumphant that he finally met someone who doesn't play the guitar, but the drums.

“Be careful, Matthew, if it turns out that she is more talented than you, we’ll replace you without any hesitation. She looks better” Nick joked and immediately got the middle finger in response from the drummer. Even Alex genuinely smiled, looking back at the friend.

"Oh, don't worry, it's unlikely. But as for the cider I wasn't joking, at least I'm definitely good at that"

"Wait, did you make it yourself?" surprised Ben.

"Yes, I live in the suburbs of London and have my own small garden, I make cider for friends during the season"

"You know what, I'm already tired of this stuffy room, you say it's in your trunk?" Matt, confirming his status as the most talkative member of the group, stood up impatiently, stretching his stiff limbs.

"Yes, let's go and give it a try" you said, also getting up from your chair. “Who is with us?” you raised an eyebrow in question and the answer was six men who rose to their feet.

"Definitely need a smoke” murmured Alex in addition, patting his pockets for a pack of cigarettes.

“Damn, where did James find her?” you heard Jamie's question addressed to Steven as you left the room with Matt and couldn’t hold back a short, but self-satisfied smirk. "That's not the last ace in the hole, Jamie" flashed through your head.

"I'm asking the same question" but instead of Champan, the voice was given by Alex.

"Al, will you calm down today or not? Did yesterday's booze give you such a headache?" Cook hissed almost angrily.

But you didn’t hear the answer, moving away along the corridor to the exit.

***

When all the lads came out from the studio, you and Matt had already taken a wooden case with 12 bottles of cider out of the trunk of your white Range Rover and put it on the hood. Coming closer, Alex threw a jacket over his shoulders and took out cigarettes, offering you one.

"I don't smoke, thanks," you replied calmly. He arched an eyebrow in surprise and took a pipe of tobacco between his lips. “You better start, darling” He took a quick puff, blowing smoke in your face, and looked intently from under his eyelashes. Despite the sweet name, from his lips it sounded somehow humiliating. You didn't answer, turning around and taking one of the bottles, silently passing it to him. He thanked you, and you gave each man a bottle as well. "For the new leg of the tour! Cheers!" Steven exclaimed, raising the bottle in the air and you all clinked glasses together.

The eight of you stood in the parking lot next to your car. You and Marcus leaned on the hood, Chapman nestled next to your right, and the guys were in front of you. You stayed in pleasant silence, interrupted by the chirping of birds from a nearby square and breezes of the wind that swayed your styling. Satisfied sigh followed by Marcus and Jamie, which made you laugh cutely.

"Enjoy?" you asked playfully, taking a sip.

"Y/N, that's amazing! I’ve never thought our team would feel so acutely short of a personal alcohol supplier" Jamie savored the taste, taking small sips.

"It's only 6% alcohol, I brought this one on purpose, knowing that you will most likely be driving. But there is also 12% sort in my basement, so in case of anything, you know where to find me"

"Actually not, but for the sake of such a case, we will definitely get your address from James" Nick answered cheerfully.

You spent 20 more minutes talking about the process of making an apple brew and sharing your alcohol tastes. “What a topic to discuss” you hummed to yourself. Eventually you gave Ben, Marcus, Jamie, and Matt one more bottle, promising to bring more of 12% sort to the concert, and you were about to leave when suddenly your phone rang. A dark and mystical tune played from the back pocket of your shorts.

"Woah, that’s pretty old one" Alex said with unexpected liveliness.

"One of my favorites from yours" you replied quickly, pulling out the device. It was James. You decided to call him back when you would be alone, so you dropped the call, texting him that you would call back later.

"Hey Al, we haven't played it in a while. What do you think, mate?" Matt asked conspiratorially, giving him a little nudge on the shoulder.

"We’ll see, I think it's possible. NME will especially rejoice at this, still considering it insanely vulgar" the singer rolled his eyes, but couldn't help smiling.

"Isn't that right, Mr. Turner? Whose propeller is it then?" you grinned as you took an empty box and returned it to the trunk of the jeep.

"Miss Y/S, don't make me doubt your foresight as well" to your surprise, he came over to help you close the tailgate. You dusted your hands and shifted awkwardly from one foot to another, being locked between the car and the frontman. You could literally see wrinkles around his eyes and cider-wet lips that now were gently stirring.

"Who called?" the man asked more quietly than usual. "Uh, James, I think I should call him as soon as possible"

"Yeah, most likely" Turner reluctantly backed away from you, letting you through, and you walked to the driver's door.

"Well, guys, I was very glad to see you, I'm sure fruitful work awaits us!" you smiled reassuringly, swaying from heel to toe from jitters and excitement from upcoming events.

"See you in a bit, Miss Y/S, I will send you all our numbers and other necessary contacts tonight. Sleep enough these days, you will soon miss it" Steven winked and extended his hand to you for a handshake, so you answered him willingly.

“Goodbye, guys, see ya!” you only waved at other lads as you climbed onto the running board and sat inside the car. The Rover started with a pleasant growl, vibrating under your hands. You drove off, leaving the men in the parking lot, but noticing one fixed look of chocolate eyes in the rearview mirror. You attributed the recognition of the color of his eyes to a million views of concert photos on the Internet, but not to those few seconds near the trunk when you smelled his cigarette breath on your face.

That will be a roller-coaster indeed

---------------------------------------------------

A/N: Please, let me know what do you think about this duo, what are you expecting from them, what do you want to read in the next chapter? Let's get to know each other better in comments - how long are you in fandom, what are your favorite type of fics and etc? Your feedback is my force to write, love you and stay tuned - a big adventure is going to happen 🤭❣️

I also publish the work on AO3:

[soleilceirinen]

Wind in my hair | Oh Sehun x fem!Reader AU

Summary: you're trying to study for your last exam but Sehun has other ideas. He uses his powers to distract you.

A/N: this is an EXO AU where Sehun has powers, as if he's some sort of alien. This is completely fictional, not based in real life.

Warning: nothing.

Also, English isn't my first language, sorry if there are mistakes and thanks for reading!

EXO Masterlist

The soft wind moved the curtain in front of you, delicately brushing your arm in a tender caress. Without taking your eyes off your notes, you moved your arm and slapped the fabric away as you tried not to lose track of what you were studying. Only one more exam and you would be free, that’s what you repeated in your mind to keep yourself motivated. 

Suddenly, the curtain hit you in the face, blinding you for a moment, all the previous tenderness of its movements gone. With a sigh, you pushed it aside and stared at the window to check if it was open. But no, it was still closed, just like you had left it before starting with your study session. 

Then, you turned around in your chair and faced your boyfriend Sehun. He was lying on your bed, smiling at you. Clearly, he was having a great time as he messed with your patience. 

“Stop it, Sehun. You’re not letting me study,” you complained. 

He put a hand over his chest and feigned surprise. “Me?” he asked innocently, although he seemed to be fighting a smile back. “I’m not letting you study?”

You nodded. 

It was him who had been moving the curtain all along, thanks to his wind controlling powers, whatever they were. You still didn’t fully understand the nature of his powers or his own existence, he came from another planet. So, technically, Sehun wasn’t human, and he wasn’t the only one. 

You didn’t care about him being an alien, as you liked to call it. What worried you was the fact that he and the others were the good guys, at least in theory, but there were also bad ones. Sehun refused to talk about them and you tried not to think about it most of the time. More than once he had promised you that he would keep you safe and you trusted him, you knew that he could be really powerful. 

It was a pity that right now he was using his power to piss you off. 

“Sehun, I need to pass this exam.”

“And? What am I supposed to be doing?” 

His faked innocence was starting to be replaced by a mischievous smile. It made you roll your eyes. Without any more words, you turned back to the desk and focused again on your notes. 

“You know exactly what you’re doing,” you murmured after a while. “Just leave me alone for a couple hours, I’m not asking for anything more than that,” you said, resting your face on one hand. 

He seemed to accept it, little did you know that he wasn’t going to stop that easily. 

-

You had lost count of how many deep breaths you had been taking in order to stay calm. It was impossible to tell by now. You were quite proud of yourself though, considering that you hadn’t stabbed him with a pencil yet, with the constant wind ruffling your hair, blowing it into your face and moving your notes around, of course not allowing you to study.

With a deep sigh, you took the elastic band that you always wore on your wrist and tied your hair up in a messy bun. It didn’t solve the problem because then, the wind increased, causing your notes to fall all over the floor. 

Sehun’s laugh could be heard behind you. 

Since you were so fed up already, you grabbed the first pen that you could find and turned around fast, throwing it at Sehun’s head. The pen hit him in the face. Under normal circumstances, he would have been able to avoid it without any difficulty, he was an alien after all, but he was so distracted laughing at you that he didn’t move away in time. Well deserved, you thought. 

He covered his face with his hands as he let out a soft cry. “Ouch,” he said, rolling onto his side.

After a few seconds, you got up and approached him. It wasn’t your intention to hurt him, you were just tired and frustrated. 

“Sehun, let me see,” you murmured softly, sitting next to him on the bed. You placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to make him turn so you could see his face. “I didn’t mean to hit you hard but I have a really good aim, what can I do?” you joked. 

He didn’t seem to find the joke funny. Instead, he made a sound that sounded like a hurt little puppy. This made you frown, what if you had hurt him for real?

"Sehun, take your hands away, let me see."

He removed his hands slowly but you couldn’t see anything because suddenly he moved so fast. Before you could realize, you were lying on the bed, with Sehun on top of you. A big smile was present on his face as his hands pressed your wrists against the mattress.

"You're an idiot, you know that? I was really worried."

Sehun laughed and brought his face closer to yours to kiss you but in the last moment you turned your face to the side, so his lips connected to your jaw instead of your mouth. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked in a low voice, nuzzling your neck with the tip of his nose before starting to leave a trail of small kisses that made you shiver under him.

"Oh really? What’s wrong?" You asked back, mocking his words and raising an eyebrow as you looked at him. As much as you wanted him right now, you had other priorities. "Now is not the time. Let me finish studying and then we can do whatever we want, or continue this. Alright?”

He released your wrists but didn’t let you go, still laying on top of you, now resting his head on your chest where he could feel your heart beating fast. After a few minutes in which your breathing became one, you started stroking his hair. It felt very soft between your fingers and smelled like your favourite shampoo from the last time he showered at your place. 

“You’ve been studying all day, I’m bored of waiting. You don’t let me talk, or make the slightest noise, or play video games, or listen to music…” he listed, mumbling.

You could feel the vibrations of his vocal chords against your chest, it was kind of calming.

“This exam is important to me, Sehun. Also, you can do all those things out of here, you don’t have to stay in the same room as me.”

He raised his head and looked at you with a frown. “But I want to be with you,” he confessed. 

This time, when he leaned in searching for your mouth, you didn’t turn your face away. The kiss was long and slow, without rushing. When your lips parted, you took the opportunity to take Sehun’s face in your hands, stroking his cheekbones with your thumbs. He stared at you, mesmerised. 

"An hour," you said. "That's all I need. Stop acting like a brat for an hour and when I'm done we'll do something together."

He seemed to hesitate, but finally he dropped to his side, freeing you from his weight. “Fine, an hour.”

You stood up from the bed, feeling cold without his warmth, and stared at the mess of notes scattered all over the floor with your hands on your hips. From the corner of your eye, you saw Sehun lying back on the bed with his hands behind his head and his legs crossed at the ankles. He looked as relaxed as always.

A gust of air made the papers move until they were arranged in a small pile at your feet. You bent down to pick them up and smiled at him. Sehun winked at you. He could be a pain in the ass sometimes but you couldn’t deny that since he came into your life nothing had been the same. 

You loved him like no one else, and couldn’t help but dread the day he’d be gone. After all, he didn’t belong on this Earth.

[a-tale-of-legends]

Hmmmm. You know I've always been subconsciously knew that Blue ( rival) had different sprites throughout the game, but I never really took the time to like. Analyze them? And truthfully there isn't much to analyze but I do find it interesting on how the sprites differ from the original rbgy games and FRLG.

So let's start with rbgy. Or rather rbg cause yellow has some slight difference despite its overall same pattern.

This is the sprite to represent Blue from the first 3 battles ( as in the one in the lab, the optional one in viridian city and the one in cerulean city right before nugget bridge). This pretty much captures Blue pretty well. This cocky kid who thinks he's better than you,lmao. Got his signature hand gesture too. This was during the early game, I would say. Where he does probably think " yeah there's no way Red would catch up with me, hur hur".

Then we reach the fourth sprite on the S.S. Anne

This sprite is the sprite that's used for the rest of the game until his champion battle. This one gives such a different vibe than the first one. He looks so much more focused compared to his other sprite. Like he's looking directly as the player this time, PokeBall out, in a semi hunched position getting ready. He doesn't even have a smirk on his face, which I find very interesting. There's many ways to interpret this really, one of which is a simple " the game is telling you your getting to the mid game now". For me personally, I think it reflects on how Blue starts seeing the player. I kinda see it where Blue is starting to realize that Red is catching up, so to speak. That he can't treat them entirely like a joke anymore. He's still gonna talk shit ( the best an 11 year old can anyway) but like. It's a thought at the back of his mind. Especially when he keeps losing, like Red is almost a threat to what he wants. It's also interesting to think about this with the context of " Red and Blue where childhood friends turned rivals". I mean. They were always rivals according to professor oak, but you get what I'm trying to say right? I think this is where the " competition" gets real to blue, and he's taking it as seriously as he can, now with the facade of him being this snarky jerk. Again, that's just my interpretation of it, I'm down to hear others!

And finally....

Champion Blue! This sprite technically makes blue the first champion to have a different outfit compared to their usual sprite, which I find cool. Also this is probably what they used for reference for his look on HGSS. Probably, I don't actually know. I do think it's kinda cute that this implies he went into the elite 4 looking his best hgvhvgvgvcg. Anyway, to the actual analysis. He did it! He became champion! Before Red,too. I know I just said it was cute that Blue had an outfit change for this moment but it still shows his very show boaty nature I think. He wants Red to know he won. He wants everyone to know he won. He worked hard to get where he is and by Arceus he is going to show for it. Here's my thing though. I can't tell if he's smirking or not. I don't think he is, to it's still kinda hard to say? To me anyway. But let's go with the fact that he's not smirking. And like yeah. He's champion. This is the ultimate battle that probably means everything to him and Red. He wants to be serious about this. I just find it interesting how ever since that 4th battle he hasn't had a visible smile or smirk. His words have always been very "Blue" but his facial expressions don't fully convey that? Like his body language doesn't exactly show someone who's overly cocky, and someone who thinks he's at the top of the world, even in his champion battle, with all of that swagger. I dunno if I can accurately write my thoughts down on this but. It's weird to have Blue not smirk. Does that make sense? And not to say that Blue shouldn't be seen as serious but to lose that smirk so quickly as of the 4th battle ( third if you just didn't do the optional battle) is so. Weird. Even if he is taking Red seriously, even if he is starting to see Red as a threat rather than a friend, where's his bravado?

Am I looking way too deeply into this? Yes. Am I done. Nope!

.....oh boy. This is gonna be a bit longer than I thought-

Pokemon Yellow pretty much had the same philosophy of rbg in Blue's sprites, showcasing different poses for different parts of the journey. Where it differs is the second sprite

The second sprite for the 4th (or 3rd) battle and onward his pretty much the same as rbg, expect more polished, I think. And! He's still smirking! As much as I loved over analyzing and theorizing the shit out of his previous sprites, this sprite is way better at conveying Blue as Blue I think. The position still makes it clear that Blue is taking Red more seriously, especially with the PokeBall out, but it doesn't feel as intense as the rbg ones did imo. Though that could also be bc of the coloring. Overall it just better shows Blue character. Again, I still like the shit I wrote before, and honestly it kinda makes me appreciate Blue more, but like. Yeah, this one shows his character better. And it makes this:

Less weird to me. Minus taking away his "champion outfit". How dare they honestly. But anyway, having Blue have his usual smirk throughout the game only to drop it once he has his final battle with Red for champion. Cause like to. To him this fight would literally mean everything. He has to keep it serious. I don't have much to really say other than this pose Blue is in looks like he's just about to throw that PokeBall. I think it's neat given how important this battle is to him.

Now we can finally go to the frlg sprites bc they're kinda weird to me.

This is his sprite for the first three battles. It's. So different compared to the rbgy ones. This this sprite looks more like the sprite that he would have had for his fourth fight. And what's more!

This is his sprite that's used for fourth battle onwards. And I was so confused about this when I saw it cause. What was it trying to convey? Yeah we know that Blue is cocky, but this feels. Odd character wise. Though then I realized that this sprite and the sprite before are like. Switched versions of the rbgy ones ( specifically yellow in terms of characterization). Though I don't want to make it seem likes it's an inherently bad thing. Like it's an odd choice to me, but I can kinda see something with it. With the rbgy sprites, to me, Blue goes from not fully taking the player seriously to realizing " oh shit, Red could beat me I can't have that" to the serious battle that makes or breaks everything. This progression in frlg is like. Starting out on equal terms, but as time goes on Blue just gets more and more cocky until the last moment where you take him off his high horse. At least sprite wise, that's what that story conveys. And honestly I think both are totally fine stories to tell with Blue. I personally like the rbgy sprites better. In terms of character telling I mean. Also I can't stress enough this is just my own interpretation of these sprites that honestly don't really impact the story much. I just found it interesting that Blue actually has different sprites at all at specific points in the plot. Oh wait before I forget

This is the sprite that Blue has for his champion battle. I think he's pointing at the player? Again it's such an interesting vibe in comparison to those before it, but overall it still showcases what it needs to in terms of what the player/Red/Green/Leaf should feel at this very moment. All or nothing, winner takes all, you get it.

Aaaaand yeah. The rbg section kinda stole the show but I think it's good context for the rest of it. I hope this was enjoyable to you all and if you have your own interpretations of Blue's sprites and what they mean, I'd like to hear them!

[ask-the-clergy-bc]

Hi, i really hope you're having an amazing day! I cant wait to see what other amazing stuff you will come up with <3

I love all your writing, and you can't give us ghoul pregnancy hcs without giving up the ghouls as parents hcs, the way you write ghoul kits its way to damn adorable.

I do see Air as a really protecting parent, to the point most didn't even know he had a child because he would just keep them hidden.

Also a bit unrelated but not really, just imagine if water ghouls would just float around in the water and carrying kits on their chest until they are old enough to learn to swim, just like otters do-

Thank you so much! It’s definitely really nice to get back into the swing of things with writing and Ghost works! 

I’M ALWAYS HAPPY FOR HC’S ABOUT KITS! <3 I can’t get enough of Ghouls and their babies! Plus, you are totally right about water ghouls being like otters! 

And Quick fun fact about Air in my works, he’s technically Cirrus’s dad! <3 Based on some AU work and the writing of my close friends, I see Air as Cirrus’s adoptive dad. She essentially was summoned as a very young kit and Air was NOT about to let the Ministry raise her. So imagine this scary gargoyle of a ghoul with a new baby. XD It’s why she grows up to be so good at the keyboards AND has his attitude. 

Anyhow, we haven’t had a National Geographic in a while! This set will be in no particular order! 

(Mild warning for dangers of Hell! Hell’s creatures are not kind so there are implications of Kits being in possible danger! )

National Geographic on Ghouls - Ghoul Parenting and Parenting Habits

~Earth ghouls that inhabit the grass plains are particularly protective of their kits. The entirety of hell is actually very dangerous for an adult ghoul, let alone a baby! But earth ghouls have to worry about predatory hell birds and other creatures that hunt in the skies! In most tribes kits will typically ride on the backs and shoulders of adults, but Earth kits tend to cling to their parents chests instead. This is to keep the kits from getting scooped up and carried away! 

~I have to include this from the ask, but yes water ghouls ADORE floating with their kits! Water kits are all natural swimmers, and they start very very young. But newborn kits are still not ready to swim on their own! Their gills are fully formed just not their fins, so they can’t move around well! Comically, water kits are known for being incredibly buoyant and easy to spot on the top of water. But also easier to accidentally float away, which is why they need their parents until they can swim on their own! Some parents will even construct mini nests out of naturally buoyant materials to put their kits in during group socialization or hunting. It’s typical to see a clutch of kits floating along happily in a bed made out of kelp and wood while a grown up ghoul pulls them along! 

~Kits actually don’t open their eyes for their first week of life due to ghoulish eyes needing more time to develop. So the first week of life is crucial which just makes their parents MORE protective. This is why after giving birth, birthing ghouls will guard their nests with their LIFE! The kit will be brought out of the maternity nest for the first time when their eyes are open! For close knit families this is always cause for a big party! 

~I wrote this in another ask, but I have to include it here too; ghoul parents show their kits affection through gentle head butting. Head butting/gently knocking horns is actually a form of affection among ghouls. So parents will do this very carefully to their kits. Kits only start with small nubs on their temples that haven’t hardened yet. But it’s one of the first nonverbal ways of communication parents will teach their babies! 

~Ghoul parents communicate “non verbally” with their kit much more than they will with spoken word. Ghoulish language is both spoken words as we know them and vocalizations through various clicks, chirps, trills, and sounds. (Another reason why mastery of Ghoulish is so difficult for normal humans.) Ghoul parents will focus on these vocalizations way earlier than they will speak. A human ministry misconception is that this is due to kits not having developed vocal cords or cognitive ability. Ghouls NEED to have much faster ways to communicate than humans. Sounds are much more loud, faster for the ghoulish brain to comprehend, and convey quicker meaning. So if a ghoul is hurt or needs to warn other ghouls of danger, a loud trill will be more effective than shouting ‘DANGER!’ 

~A majority of ghoul tribes value family and community, so packs are incredibly important! The human saying ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ is very true for ghouls. Kits are raised with their packs and value safety in numbers. Adult ghouls, not just parents, are very protective of the kits in their pack. Always keeping an eye out for the smallest of their tribes and helping raise them when needed. Kits thrive in groups and with many members of their family! For example, if one of the current band ghouls had a kit you better BELIEVE the entire band would help! 

~Ghoul parents will play-fight with their kits the way Earth predator animals will do with their young! It’s both a bonding experience AND important development habit for young ghouls! Just imagine a tiny kit pretending to take down a big adult ghoul. Adorable! 

~If you ever see a ghoul kit alone, chances are it’s not alone. You just can’t see their parent. But I promise, the ghoul can DEFINITELY see you! 

~A kit can recognize their parent’s specific use of their element. Fire and Quintessence ghouls will use this to their advantage if their kits get lost or separated. It’s common for Quintessence ghouls in general to manifest their aether for their young to see (usually in auras or shapes and light).

[eyfey]

Hello! I'm sorry to bother you, but I was wondering how long you studied Japanese for until you became good enough to do manga translations? (Or fluently read manga at all, really 😔) I want to help contribute to projects like that, but I feel I still have a long way to go until then 🤧

so first off: sorry this took so long to reply to! when I first got the message I had exactly Zero free time, and then i simply forgor (whoops lol)

I actually already have a few posts sort of about this in my #translation tips tag, but it's been a hot minute so I might as well provide some updated info~

(under the readmore 'cause it's longggggggg)

How long have I studied Japanese?

A While. I had maybe a not so typical journey with Japanese... If you break it down it looks kinda like this:

4 years of watching a TON of anime to pick up basic vocab just by ear (this was in high school- I did not take any actual classes or even make any effort to learn the language at this point, but apparently I'm pretty good at just picking up things from hearing them)

4 1/2 years of actual Japanese classes in college (actual learning with like teachers and textbooks and homework)

1/2 year of study abroad that I managed to cram in before I graduated (additional classes and also constant speaking the language)

8 1/2 years since then (god has it really been that long???) (no actual like... studying during this time, but a LOT of translating... mostly Saiki)

So.... 13-ish years? if you don't count the first 4 that were just watching anime. And technically only 5 of them were actual "studying".

-

How long did I study before doing manga translating?

I, uh….. I actually started translating manga about a month BEFORE I ever took a single Japanese language class.

(not recommended but like… here I am lol)

I had found some volumes of Pyu to Fuku Jaguar(a gag manga I really liked but only had 3 volumes translated at the time) at a used bookstore, but they were in Japanese so I just kind of bought them, downloaded an english to japanese dictionary app, printed out a hiragana/katakana chart, and then just went through the book: looking up one letter at a time, sounding out words, looking them up in the dictionary. I already knew a lot of vocab and had a vague feel for grammar exclusively from watching anime, but like also there was a loooooooot of looking stuff up. I don't remember exactly how long it took to read that first volume (at least a month lol- maybe 2 or more)

I noticed the scan group for Pyu to Fuku Jaguar was updating really slow (and/or had notices that they needed more translators? I forget it's been over a decade lol) So I figured: I can understand this well enough just reading it on my own.... maybe I can help???? it's probably better than nothing right?? So I tried my hand at doing some translations and uploaded them to the newbie board of a manga translation side to have people proofread, and then I emailed the group to ask if I could join. If I remember correctly they only ended up posting one (or none) of my translations?? before disappearing so I just kind of kept doing the translations on my own without uploading them anywhere

and then later when a new group took over they had gotten my translations from the previous group (or was it the translation site where I uploaded some?) and credited me in the release, so I sent them a message like "hey neato! I actually have like 5 more translations done, u want em?" and ended up joining THAT group to continue working on the series!

I started taking classes p soon after starting the translations, and doing translation while taking classes was actually really nice 'cause I had a place to pretty much immediately apply the things I learned in class, and the translating outside of class gave me a lot of practice for reading & a good head start for learning new vocab.

Honestly I think for translating, being good at the language you're translating into is more important than being good at the language you're translating from. Like: you should still at least SORT of know the language you're translating from (that is an important part of it too don't get me wrong) But like even if someone is perfectly fluent in Japanese, if they're translating into English but don't know how to make words sound good in English, then it kind of defeats the purpose haha.

(reading a lot and paying close attention to wording and stuff, and also reviewing and revising your translations will help with that part of the translation process- it's also a skill you pick up as you go)

-

Tips for getting better at reading Japanese?

Honestly I think translating is one of the best ways to get better at Japanese (understanding and reading at least- it won't necessarily do much to help you remember how to write or speak haha) Reading is helpful to some extent, but you will probably get to a point where you understand enough of it to get the gist of whats happening, but then your brain will just sort of skim over a lot of the parts you don't know in the interest of enjoying the story without stopping. When you translate though, you're FORCED to stop and look up every word or phrase you don't know and double check things and sort of sit on them and think what it means and how you would say it in your own language.

If you're self motivated enough you can probably get some good learning out of language apps like duolinguo or babel or whatever, or even just buying Japanese textbooks/workbooks and going through them by yourself. Otherwise, taking Japanese classes is the standard approach (even if you don't go to a school where they offer Japanese classes, there are private options- just google Japanese classes or Japanese tutors online or in your area if you prefer in person)

This old post of mine has some more detailed tips for how to look things up, and some just general translating tips that I think are still p useful, but it pretty much boils down to "google everything you don't know until you know it"

also the 10ten extension is good for highlighting/translating individual japanese words in your browser (when they're written in kanji or kana) and the google translate app is good for taking pictures of text and reading it so you know what the dang kanji says (or you can hand write the kanji in there too- though I need to find a better kanji dictionary app 'cause google's doesn't really give you enough space to write)

-

Sorry this ended up WAY longer than I thought it would but I hope it helped!

Good luck!!

[skullduggeryandfilibuster]

Everyone Gets Synonyms Wrong

Warning: This take may be considered hot. Viewer discretion is advised.

I was thinking about making this a mini video essay, and hey, maybe someday I will, or perhaps it'll be apart of a larger video essay on word choice, but for now, I'm putting my thoughts here.

One of the most useful tools at a writer's disposal is a thesaurus. When first introduced to them in 2nd Grade (because it had to be), I wrote it off as a gimmick. "Oh you can find words that mean the same thing as other words? Neat. Moving on." Once I got into writing their use became immediately apparent.

I, like pretty much all writers, am sometimes insecure about the use of repetitive words or phrases in my work. Maybe it was an English teacher, or friend, or beta reader, or even yourself, that first pointed out, "Damn, the word, "pottery," shows up five times in the same paragraph."

It can sound clunky. Repetitive use of a word is kinda like the prose equivalent of rhyming a word with itself. But we can't use a completely different word. If the thing we're referring to is pottery, then it's pottery. We can't call it a sketchbook or a trackpad.

And Thus We Turn to the Thesaurus.

Here, we can find synonyms: words that share the same definition as our word, but are different, so the prose reads with better variety without losing its general meaning. We can say "china," or "crockery," or "ceramics," or "ware," or if I'm referring to pottery in an archaeological context, I can use "fragments," or "sherds," which fun fact, is the technical term for ancient pottery shards. "Shards," is also appropriate.

I don't know when the floodgates were opened, but at some point they were, as waves of synonym lists poured into writing communities. Mad men running into the town square before sunrise, screaming, "Said is dead! And we have killed it!"

"Words to use instead of said!" "Words to use instead of angry!" "Words that pertain to grief!" "Words that pertain to joy!" "Words about nature!" "Words about cities!"

I Hate This; I Hate These Lists.

First: the entire point of a thesaurus is that its use is case by case. You don't have an entire catalogue of synonyms for the word "fear," in the back of your head ready to go: when you're in the middle of writing and that word comes up, that's when you pull up a thesaurus. It'd be like memorizing your entire car manual, not because your car broke down, but just cause. Obviously there's nothing wrong with knowing alternative words for 'fear' off the top of your head, don't conflate me. But these "synonym lists," are more restrictive and less applicable to your specific, current writing than a thesaurus. What do these lists have that a thesaurus doesn't?

Second: most people don't know how to use a thesaurus, because they don't know the point of synonyms.

I didn't either, not for a while. I thought synonyms were like different versions of the same product: "you can get this lunchbox in red, OR in green!" Then I read "Politics and the English Language," by George Orwell, which forever changed not just how I saw synonyms, but how I write and see writing. If writing is something that even slightly interests you, you should absolutely read that essay.

But Orwell doesn't talk about synonyms there. So how did it change how I saw them? Well, the change was a byproduct of the change of perspective--and soon-to-be hyperfixation--on word choice.

I'm not gonna go into it, because like I said at the beginning, my thoughts on word choice can and maybe will fill a whole-ass video essay. For the purposes of this essay (as I suppose it can be called), know this: every word you choose to include, or not include, in your writing is a deliberate choice whether you know it or not, so be deliberate.

I've beaten around the bush enough, so I'll drop the thesis statement: Synonyms are not "alternatives," to a given word: they are different words entirely.

Part of you may find that redundant, and another may find it silly. "Well duh, obviously the words, "forest," and "woods," aren't literally the same word, but they mean the same thing."

No, they don't. Synonyms are words that possess the same or similar definition, not the same meaning.

Let me use an example to better show what I'm talking about. Let's look at three synonyms: 'Dumb' 'Stupid' 'Idiot' These words possess similar definitions: something or someone pertaining to low intelligence. But a word is more than its definition.

A word is also its context, its phonetics, its rhythm, and its emphasis. A word is its connotations and a word is its tone.

'Dumb,' is simple and playful. There's little weight behind it. It's a dismissal or a tease; a hand wave or a jest. 'Stupid,' is harsher. It's more likely to be used in an actively insulting manner. It doesn't end in a soft '-um,' sound, but a hard and sudden 'd.' 'Idiot,' is harshest. It's not just that the action was not a smart one, but the person who did it is inherently unintelligent. Their person, their character, is an idiot.

You may argue this is semantics.

Yes.

What I'm describing is literally the point of semantics.

Granted, it's not the end of the world if you used 'stupid,' when 'dumb' would be more appropriate. You're the writer, if you determined that 'stupid' is more appropriate than 'dumb,' then it is. Simple as that. But please ask yourself: "Is 'stupid,' actually more appropriate, or am I just insecure about already using the word 'dumb?' "

Again, it's not the end of the world--but does something need to be in order to incorporate it? Does something need to be life or death, or make or break your story, before you consider including it in how you write?

Perhaps I should emphasize just how different a sentence can be with the right words.

I'll use an Extreme Example. Look at This Sentence:

"The group moved through the city."

That's pretty vague, but watch what happens when I swap out the words:

"The pack stalked the streets." "The parade danced around the block."

These sentences are describing the same thing: more than one thing and/or person, together, moving locations within an urban environment. But you might not have even registered that, because the tone between these sentences are so blatantly different.

"Pack," has connotations of predatory animals--wolves, coyotes, dogs--and if the "pack," in question is describing people, it paints them in a much more feral and inhuman light. "Stalk," is an act taken during a hunt: the predator is hidden from you, you can't see it, but it knows where you are, and it won't stop following. Even "streets," changes the connotations of the sentence. In most big cities, streets are the most prevalent "public space," and they're just thin lines of concrete and pavement snaking between the walls of buildings. The biggest public space in the city--the only place one must go through to move, or escape--is occupied.

"Parade," on the other hand, is an event. It's a festival, one where people gather together to celebrate something with big floats and colorful streamers. "Dance," is, well, dancing, but when used to describe movement between locations, it takes on more specific connotations: the movement is that of merriment, of playing and running and shouting and teasing and celebrating. "Block," can be a communal space. They can be their own micro-ecosystems of apartments and bodegas, with friends and neighbors knowing and supporting each other. The parade might be a yearly thing, but "block parties," are a more common event.

You may argue I'm extrapolating additional meaning behind 'streets,' and 'blocks,' but I'm not. If you don't want to extrapolate additional meaning as the reader, that's your god given right. But you can't make that claim of me, the writer. Streets and blocks are different the way oceans and islands are different. I deliberately choose 'streets;' I deliberately choose 'blocks.' I could've used a different word. I did not. Mark Twain puts it better:

"The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter. ’tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning."

Do you see why I hate those lists?--"Words to use instead of death." "Words to use instead of quiet."--The process of writing is figuring out how best to communicate to the reader a given thing or experience. Those lists don't know what story you're writing, only you do. Granted, neither does a thesaurus. A hammer doesn't know you're making a table, but that doesn't mean the hammer isn't a useful tool. A thesaurus is a tool. You may classify those lists as tools as well, but again, what can they do that a thesaurus can't do but better?

A Thesaurus is Inherently More Versatile. Those Lists are a Gimmick.

If you think those lists and posts are useful, more power to you. But I doubt they actually are. I may be wrong here--I may be speaking from bias--but has anyone's specific writing--a story they were actively creating--actually improved--genuinely--because they felt like they used 'said,' too much, and looked on Tumblr for an alternative? I can think of many times in my own writing, when I was trying to conjure a specific experience--evoke a specific feeling--and had trouble finding the right word. The word "forest," or whatever word was giving me trouble, just didn't have the connotations I wanted. So I whipped out my thesaurus, looked through it for a while, and found, "foliage," which was more suited for the sentence I was making.

And what of repetitiveness? What if the problem isn't that you can't find the right word, but you're using the same word too much? To be frank, if you're having an issue with repetition, it probably doesn't mean you're using the same word too much, it probably means you're describing the same thing too much. Don't describe the forest as a list of things it pertains: "The forest had large boulders. The river that flows within the forest was clear. The flowers of the forest were bright." Describe the things themselves. Describe the boulders, describe the river, describe the flowers. Miss the forest for the trees. The forest and a blade of grass are connected, but they are different objects entirely. Not unlike synonyms.

The craft of writing should ultimately be fun, and if you truly find it to be so, let me tell you that picking the first word that sounds nice from a predetermined list and moving on will never be as enjoyable as constructing your sentence. It's the difference between buying a portrait and painting one. It's the difference between the almost right word and the right one; the lightning bug and the lightning.

[sysmedsaresexist]

i think endogenics deserve their own -genic term that's not just clarifying that they're different than traumagenics tho. ill use non-traumagenic for a catchall for non-traumagenic systems but as a self descriptor it's like saying non-trans. like theres the word cis for a reason. ofc people CAN use nontraumagenic but i find it very.... strange. idk.

also spontaneous and created do work for endogenics, but doesn't cover ONLY endogenics (example: traumagenics who create system members especially for trauma-reasons, or experience members forming in a seemingly 'spontaneous' way, or yk. just mixed origin systems), so it's not a 1 to 1 replacement for the term (this is coming from a trauma-formed system who has created and spontaneous-seeming members, so saying those would count me, someone who's not (in a literal sense) endogenic, as the same as endogenics, when it's different.)

btw what would you think of someone using the term exogenic? since you don't like endogenic, i was wondering if you would think that it's direct technical opposite is bad as well, or if it's JUST endogenic for some reason.

Okay, we kind of have to work from the bottom up, here

So, first, where endogenic means internal and fantasy, exogenic means outside influence... Like trauma. Freud used endogenic for fantasy and exogenic for trauma. This is kind of a moot point. That would be worse? Still our term.

Second, CDD systems that create "endogenic" headmates, are still just... CDD systems. Mixed origin isn't a thing, and I don't believe you should try to put "origins" on individual alters. Alters can take years to make first contact with anyone, internally or externally. By that point, pinpointing what event created them, and more importantly, why they're there is nearly impossible. It's totally normal for CDD systems to have alters that are, or appear to be, purposefully created. I have some. There's so many reasons this could happen, but if there's a need, the brain will provide, consciously or subconsciously. Alters like this don't make you mixed origin.

It makes you a normal ass system.

It's about why the system formed in the first place, and for CDDs, that's trauma. Once the ability to create alters is there, you can and will continue to do so until problems with dissociation are under control.

There's zero rush to figure out the reason, too. It'll come with time when everyone is ready and as healing progresses. Being adamant that their origin must be this clearly "endogenic" cause has the potential of keeping them from processing other possible reasons. Just let them figure it out. We've all been there at some point. It took nearly three years to figure out where one of our members came from, and I feel like it would have taken longer if I hadn't known it was probably related to trauma somehow. Over time, reactions to certain things just sort of... Lead us to make the connection, and then we could start on offering proper support and reassurance when those reactions occurred.

It should come as no surprise, it was indeed related to trauma.

So, if it's a completely normal thing, why not just say you're a CDD system? Why does mixed origin need to be specified? What makes you different from other systems? From me?

Let me finish all that with, I can understand that these terms are helpful to some people, and I support them. I support the use of any language that helps people understand themselves better. My experiences won't be everyone's. Things that worked for me won't work for everyone.

However, I don't support using these words in ways that further blur the line between endogenic and CDD.

This means I have a very love-hate relationship with a lot of terms in use right now-- like mixed origin, because in its current use, it implies that experience is different and spreads the idea that this doesn't happen in CDDs, when in reality, it's incredibly common.

I'm not sure I understand the first half of this ask. Are you asking what I think they could call themselves instead? It was never about stopping people from using the word and more about pointing out that no one seems to give a shit about DID history. That it's ignored and swept under the rug without apology-- while telling us we're wrong and overreacting. That despite direct proof showing that things happened and were said, certain endos still have that information up and active, still circling through the community and further spreading misinformation.

Willfully.

Purposefully.

Intentionally.

I don't really care what endogenics do, at this point I just want them to stop conflating our experiences and talking over us.

[orange-orchard-system]

Disability Pride Month is a complicated time for us, as we have a complicated relationship with the word "disabled". Technically, we could use it to describe ourselves, but between our history with it and the way our conditions affect our life, it's not really something we're comfortable using. Instead, we typically either describe our specific problems (ex. our chronic pain), or use other terms, like "disordered", "with a condition", or even "handicapped". Occasionally, we'll play around with words and describe ourselves as "someone with conditions that can be disabling", but "disabled" as a word is not really one we use for ourselves.

... Which makes it a bit estranging when we enter Disability Pride Month and, oh, look! Lots of people talking about the same struggles we face! Lots of people with our same conditions and problems speaking up about them! Lots of people spreading awareness about how to make things more inclusive and accessable for people like me! Lots of people showing pride for... how they fall under an umbrella term that we don't personally use. Yeah, it gets awkward fast.

But I've come to accept this awkwardness. I don't really mind the widespread use of the word "disabled" – it's fitting, and it works as an umbrella term for a lot of difficulties and/or inabilities people have. Honestly, my main complaint is with those who accuse folks like me (who could describe themselves as disabled but choose not to) as "just having internalized ableism". My fellow on Earth, I promise you, even if that's the case, shoving people into a label before they're ready for it will not help. Maybe go target the causes for this hypothetical internalized ableism before you start demanding people just get over it. (Also, aren't we supposed to show support for both person-first language and identity-first language, depending on a given individual's preference? Some people just prefer the former, especially if some of the disableism they've faced is people refusing to see them as a person; show some compassion, jeez. Someone describing themself as "a person with disabilities" rather than "a disabled person" is not your enemy.)

But anyway. Happy pride month to all those like me, who have complicated relationships with the disabled label and/or community. Having pride during this month can be awkward or difficult at times, but you're not a bad person for opting out of an umbrella term, or not being ready to use it. I hope you're able to find words and community that work best for you!

[maxpaulll]

20 Questions for Fic Writers Game

I was tagged by @agentplutonium who knows I absolutely despise tag games so I'm doing this out of spite.

I will not tag anyone because I don't know who to tag and don't want to but you can feel free to use this as an excuse to do it if you want.

1 - How many works do you have on AO3?

3 because I don't write often and I orphaned all my old fandom ones

2 - What's your total AO3 word count?

hhhhhh uhm... 5,403 because again, I don't write often. When I do it's just a one shot cause that's all I can commit to.

3 - What fandoms do you write for?

Redacted Audio, and you can't prove any other fandom /lh

4 - What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I'm gonna rank these but I don't have enough so they all get featured, Get rekt losers.

#1 is Adventure of the Mates' Night Out. This is just a silly little one shot abt the Shaw Pack mates & Baabe being cool as heck B]

#2 is Family Gets Nicknames which is a short lil angst fic about Quinn taking Angel & Tank/Darlin' not being able to do anything about it. Technically it's unfinished but I wouldn't expect an update

#3 is The Stars Are Gone Now. It is my FAVOURITE AND YOU ALL ARE COWARDS FOR NOT LIKING IT/J. It's about Imp!Vega's death and Pet's grief. I love it more than life itself but it's pretty heavy and a lesser beloved pairing so I understand why it's not super popular.

5 - Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Sometimes, if I'm feeling silly

6 - What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Stars are gone now. Hands down. Pets stuck in Vega's room with no idea what's going on during the rebellion. The only solace they have is the lights on the ceiling which relieve them that Vega is still alive... until he's not. (family get's nickames is kinda sad too but it was written to be more panicky. I write a lot of angst because it helps me deal with my 🌟feelings🌟)

7 -What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Mates' Night Out!!! It ends with everybody being fine and Baabe being super sexy n cool but I should give a TW for mild violence, sexual harassment and swearing <3

8 - Do you get hate on fics?

Not as far as I know?

9 - Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Once when I was like 15 and then never again. I'm no good at it.

10 - Do you write crossovers?

Nope <3

11 - Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No?? I wouldn't know

12 - Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope <3

13 - Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes. In high school. On a twitter thread. With Pluto.

14 - What's your all time favorite ship?

I will die for Imp!Vega & Pet, I would give my life for Imp!Freelancer & Vindemiator, and I will kiss Gavin & Freelancer on their sweet little heads.

15 - What's a WIP that you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I started writing this AU about Detective!Milo & Thief!Sweetheart that never made it past planning in gdocs but I think it would be cool to finish but I don't think I'll ever get there. There's also this one Playlist plotline I made because I wanted people to be able to see what I was thinking about when I listened to the songs. Making that into a finished fic would be cool but I don't have it in me. If you wanna read it, the link is here.

16 - What are your writing strengths?

I think my descriptions are my strong suit? I feel like my dialogue can be lacking but I feel good about my visualizations of scenes n stuff.

17 - What are your writing weaknesses?

Definitely making anything more than a one shot. I just don't have that level of commitment for something. When I write stuff it's because I'm in the moment and feeling what I'm writing. If I have to sit down and come back to it I lose my mojo.

18 - Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'd feel way more comfortable doing if I or someone I knew understood/spoke the language. I don't trust google translate for that.

19 - First fandom you wrote for?

Listen. Wattpad was a place... where I wrote Good Omens things. BUT WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THE DARK TIMES.

20 - Favorite fic you've written?

THE. STARS. ARE. GONE. NOW. IT'S MY BABY, MY BELOVED, MY POOKIE DOODLE. AND I WORKED HARD ON IT. YOU SHOULD READ IT (If you wanna) AND THEN CRY ABT IT WITH ME. Or not, I don't really care /lh

okay thats all

[kirbyliker12]

What's ur full analysis on Susie

Ohoho….😏😏😏I suppose…..I’ll Unleash the Thoughts all at once😏😏😏😏😏normally you’d need more kirbyliker14EXP(exposure points) for it to be comprehensible but recommended levels are always wrong (this is the worst intro I have ever made

/ ⎝|˶ᗜ ᗜ|

Ok first of all to get That out of the way uhh the whole star Allies Susie desc got mistranslated(classic star allies!) basically it’s supposed to be like “helping other planets with technology” and the whole exterminate thing is supposed to be just crushing bad people okay are we clear did we get that good (also I’m gonna be putting my Suzy kaomoji between points because I Said So(It might act b me favorite ?? I’m reely happy w how it turned out 😙my magolor kaomoji ᴑ /₍⸌╷╷⸍₎\ ᴑ is close but I think it’s mostly bc I felt proud as hell after figuring out how to put the ears on one line)

/ ⎝|˶ᗜ ᗜ|

Ok first off her lore basically blah blah Suzy was Exposed To The Internet At A Young Age

Fun(?????????) fact😋 as it makes no sense for Max to have done those experiments with star dream with his only daughter in close proximity so it’s highly likely that Suzy disobeyed her fathers warnings and prohibition and technically caused her own disappearance (why am I mentioning dis??😏ermm aheu heu you’ll c)

Suzy returns after seeing the Horrors and now works for Max

Come to think of it idk if Suzy even knew of max’s real goal like ik the novel made it so he openly misses her but ?? The novel also made him live at the end so No Im not counting that data in my

Anyway blah blah Suzy feels resentment for max and how either A)simple minded his goal of “unlimited money” is or B) that he doesn’t even recognize her

Notably this is prevalent in the Japanese version as shown which means he intentionally tried to forget his feelings (in other words what makes a human=human) and then started forgetting them more after more usage but didn’t see a problem with it (why are the haltmanns Like That)

/ ⎝|˶ᗜ ᗜ|

Anyway time for the main story events

It’s been established that this is after Susie clawed her way out of hell(???) (before magolor made it cool) at like idk 11 years old so that’s slightly less impressive than the average Kirby adventure

Also that max has now lost abt 90% of his self (willingly??? Idk don’t ask me) and appears to focus entirely on money

Mr maxx pulls a questionable rant out at Kirby and tries to obliterate this 9 year olds entire world after losing a single battle but Suzy takes the helmet right after it touches his head(a tiny bit too late to enact the action?? A tiny bit too early???? Is this the worst outcome????Could he have survived and been reasoned with after defeat ???? I still don’t know STOP ASKING ME) and she enacts her famous line

She was so real for that she yippyd before it was cool oh anyway she then comes out(WOOOO GOOD FOR HER💥💥💥💥💥) as someone who’s been Against max all this time (in other words…disobeying her father…..😏😏😏I can’t believe Suzy made a Suzy reference)

However her calculated plan backfires and as the helmet touched his head but he didn’t have the helmet he gets 99% of his entire self destroyed and now the cold calculated machine decides to destroy the universe (erm…WHOOPS!😂😂😂 susie is so losercoded I can’t believe everyone calls her the Normal Person how do you screw up a plan this bad like seriously oh my god marx and magolor enacted their plan perfectly and taranza managed to technically bring the heros of the lower worlds to sectonia but Susie completely screwed up they should start calling her Losie)

However when learning of this susie doesn’t react in a normal way like there’s no sulking or sad face she gets up and immediately thinks of a plan to defeat star dream (giving Kirby the gimmick that notably cannot fly for very long without certain abilities and has quite short ranged attacks) then meta knight shows up n gives a much better plan by using his cool ship

As you can see her body language is all formal and cool and she’s all commanding and stuff (her autistic stare has captivated my soul) HOWEVER😏😏😏😏😂😏ohhh babyyyy I was dying after realizing this

As soon as they fly off screen susie immediately establishes a more desperate pose and language (in like. Every other version I think this is the American version even Europe got it better Suzy uses a formal name for Kirby instead of pinky)

In other words Suzy refuses to show her weakness in front of people(LOSIE THEORY CONFIRMED??????) then at the end she immediately leaves pop star instead of like lingering around to celebrate with Kirby like taranza did or the end of rtdl with Kirby’s chums (u can probably use ur imagination for the possible reasons she chooses to be alone😙😙😙)

/ ⎝|˶ᗜ ᗜ|

ok robobot events over wooo anyway I Wasnt Sure How To Title This

Robobot is known for having a similar lore story to Taranza where villian that dies actually lost their self prior to the events of the game and the villian who gets redeemed had a persona connection with them

When we later see Suzy in Allies she appears Completely Normal And Fine compared to taranza

However I really doubt that she’s just FINE I mean you saw during the cutscenes I bet offscreen she’s tormented by thinking abt what her dad could have been and how he ended up and how she caused his fate (ok I changed my mind I don’t want losie theory to be confirmed take it back)

Notably, she’s completely dedicated herself to max’s company even though she seemed to really dislike him at the end(she coulda just made a whole new company)is this her way of apologizing for destroying him ?? A way of making her dad proud ????? Where do these questions keep coming from

While taranza gets to openly grieve and dedicate some time to receiving closure Suzy does Not the whole thing abt planet robobot is constantly upgrading and improving and so on and GRIEF is COUNTER PRODUCTIVE (oouuhhhghgghh I feel like things obtained from evolution that are counterproductive to modern life could b soo interesting to explore with Suzy like uh adrenaline giving you paranoia and complex emotions such as guilt and embarrassment being a side effect of brains developing more)

/ ⎝|˶ᗜ ᗜ|🍦🍦🍦

No more “girlboss” Susie we’ve advanced to LOSIE susie now 👍👍👍👍👍👍

[sizebrained]

Ben Realizes He's Actually in College to Learn, Part 2

The siblings all go to the library.

CW: Adult themes, language, fluff.

*** They had all been in the library for about an hour now.

Sam was on her way back upstairs from the check out desk again. She'd already made one trip, carrying a stack up to her nose of books Hazel wanted.

Cob was with her, humming or chatting away in Sam's ear as she carried books back and forth.

Sam wondered how much more of her morning was going to be lost to this, but it did make her consider adding stacks of heavy books to her routine. It might be good for some of her physical therapy clients.

Cob at least kept her mind occupied. They were good company. She was getting used to having her little co-pilot.

It wasn't very hard for Sam or Ben to find one another in the school's library on the first floor. Both of their heads were over most of the rows of bookshelves filling the campus library.

The upper floors had floor to ceiling shelves. But then Sam just followed the heavy clanking sound of Ben on his crutches as he walked slow enough for Hazel to peruse titles.

It was because Ben was on crutches that he had asked Sam to come help.

Hazel had chosen to live on the bookcase of his condo, but couldn't stand that it was so barren. Unfortunately, the bookstore was a car or bus trip away. He refused to get in a car, again. But it wasn't that far of a walk for him to the library. Ben did promise Hazel a trip to the bookstore one day. Somehow. He also hoped he'd be off of his crutches by then. But, despite his ability to get to the library on his own, it only took a few minutes for Ben to realize that Hazel's interests were broad and varied.

Her selections quickly outpaced his ability to carry so many books and walk on crutches at the same time. And unlike the bookstore, the library didn't have baskets or anything if you were getting this many books. He could have managed that, maybe.

So he had to call Sam. Even if he had someone else he could call, he didn't want to risk it. Because both Hazel and her sibling Cob were hiding away on either side of Ben's shoulders. Squirreled away near his neck, under the folds of the unused hood of his sweatshirt.

Given the current state of Ben's wardrobe, it was the best option for the pair of small, tailed figures to stowaway on him discretely.

Ben had to actually call his sister on his phone. Because she had ignored his texts, again. It was like she was forcing him to talk instead of text. He hated when she did that. It was her subtle attempt at trying to make him change behaviors she didn't like with force rather than words.

She had been working out at a school gym not far and seemed annoyed at having to stop. "Don't you already have your books?" Sam protested on the phone through heavy breaths.

"Well yeah but it's not for me it's for...my roommate." Ben said.

He was unsure what to call Hazel and didn't want to say her name out loud in case someone overheard. That could somehow cause someone to ask questions or start looking for a Hazel. Because even standing there Ben was drawing attention.

Ben's presence was as if someone had started dragging a small flag pole through the place. If you didn't notice the height, crutches at his size were loud and clangy.

It was very distracting.

Being on the phone was just another thing about Ben that drew attention his way.

He thought he could tell from some whispers and pointing that some people recognized him. He was starting to get worried it wasn't a good idea for both Hazel and Cob to have come.

Technically, the library only had a few places anymore that were actually quiet zones. And Ben was standing on the main level, not one of those zones.

There was a dull hum on the first floor. It accumulates from muted conversations throughout the space, the sound of people coming and going, checking out books, or asking questions to librarians and staff.

But Ben's voice carried over that background hum.

And, unfortunately, centuries of human behavior still seemed to hold sway so that the library was very hushed despite the rush and mass of bodies.

He was being noticed. It made him uneasy, but he had it in check for now.

"This was your idea remember, so come help me!" Ben said in a hurried whisper over the phone to his sister's groaning annoyance.

Hazel and Cob were able to hear both sides of the conversation from this close to Ben's head.

Cob was excited Sam was going to join them. They hoped she was in an outfit like the first time they had met at the pool not long ago.

Cob hoped it was something tight and revealing. Cob thought if she did, it would really give the library something to pay attention to besides all of the books.

Cob hadn't gotten to see Sam for a few days since they stayed over at the human's smaller place after Cob's first party.

They really missed her. She was so much fun.

Cob also like how Sam treated them. Somehow it felt like Sam noticed that, despite their size, they were just like her with thoughts and feelings. But Sam also seemed to revel in how small Cob was in a way they both liked.

It was like each of them were getting special access to handle a rare, exotic animal usually kept behind thick panels of glass in a zoo or some precious exhibit locked away deep in a museum.

Cob also enjoyed seeing the unusually large, very physical girl show that side of her off. It could even be subtle. Cob enjoyed when Sam did subtle the most. It left them spellbound.

The first time Cob noticed this was at Sam's place after the party. She had called in a breakfast order and they were waiting for it to be ready.

Sam was also playing with, what she explained to Cob, was a small weighted medicine ball.

She always had some kind of equipment around. She spent most of her days in different gyms. Sam used this one to roll out some hard to reach muscles after a lot of straining.

She'd toss it from hand to hand then roll it on the back of one balancing and playing with it like a toy.

At the time, Cob and Sam had been at the kitchen counter, both standing. Except standing for Cob meant they didn't even reach the height of Sam's waist, even on top of Sam's counter tops.

She utterly towered over Cob and was so wide and thick.

Cob had been asking about different people they had seen or Sam had talked to at the party. Sam was explaining who each of them were and what their relationship with or to Sam was.

She had fooled around or been intimiate with a lot of them.

This surprised Cob and made Sam sound like what they'd been told about their kind from Hazel. Apparently their kind was very promiscuous amongst one another. Their father agreed with this surprising Cob.

Their father would usually either just nod or shake his head when Hazel talked about something at length to agree or disagree as she went on. He nodded vigorously when Hazel told Cob about her own past.

Cob had never really gotten the chance to experience those things. They'd been stuck at the country estate with just their family, then after their mother died they came to America. And they never really encountered any of their kind between Mary's home and the retirement home.

Sam had been playing with the small medicine ball the whole time she talked like she was couldn't focus on a single thing at a time.

At one point in their conversation, Sam excused herself to go to the bathroom. She set the small medicine ball slowly down on the countertop near Cob with a dull thump.

While she was gone, Cob wondered how heavy it was. They tried to push it with their whole body. It didn't budge.

They might as well have been trying to move the earth. It made Cob shudder thinking of how easily Sam manuevered it. Cob was jealous of the ball and wanted Sam's big hands to play with them instead.

Cob was past a puppy love phase with Ben's sister in a few days. But they had no idea how to handle it. They just knew they wanted to see and be around Sam all the time if they could.

Hazel had noticed this. She wasn't sure what to do about it either beyond her conversation with Sam about it.

She ignored Cob's face when she peeked around and in front of Ben's neck that acted like a wall between the two smaller siblings on his wide shoulders. "It really is alright if we forego any more books for now." Hazel whispered towards Ben's ear.

Hazel didn't feel bold enough to come that far out from under her side of Ben's hood on one shoulder.

There were a lot of people in the library. And while the other humans seemed occupied, Hazel felt like a worm crawling in the open grass with birds perched in all of the branches high above. Searching for their next meal. "No, no, no it's...." Ben spoke in his normal speaking voice and stopped himself quickly.

He reminded himself that was too loud. At least when the pair of them when they were on his shoulders like that, Hazel had explained what his normal voice did up close to anyone her size.

But he also saw a girl glare up at him from her book. It was replaced by a different look when she realized just how far up Ben's height forced her eyes. He hated that kind of quick change in a person's look. He quickly crutched away and continued in a whisper this time. "If you're going to be staying with me I want it to feel like it's your place too. You're not a pet or a prisoner, it's the least I can do to try and help you feel comfortable," he said making his way to the steps to the second floor.

Hazel had said she wanted more books on science and medicine, which were on the next floor up. He had made it up three stairs in one hop, his crutches both tucked under one arm, when a voice cried out to him.

"Excuse me, but there's an elevator right over there."

Hazel and Cob ducked under the edge of their respective, folded over sides of his hood. Ben turned and looked down. There was a very short librarian looking up at him and pointing in one direction towards the elevators.

Everyone was short to Ben so she could have been a perfectly average height. It didn't help he was making his way up the stairs, his crutches tucked under one arm.

Anyone else using the stairs would have had a hell of a time making it by him.

"Oh thanks. I know, it's fine. I don't really like elevators. They're too...cramped," Ben explained and balancing in place. He lied.

Elevators could be cramped, but he knew full well the library elevators were big enough. He'd been in them before his accident. Twenty people could easily fit in each one and they had tall ceilings because they were actually made to transport stacks or boxes of books up and down. He just didn't want to get in an elevator because he was worried it would trigger a panic attack in the thirty seconds it took to go to a higher floor.

"Ok just please be careful and try to mind anyone else on the stairs. Do you need any help finding something?" The librarian continued. "No no I'm good thanks," Ben said and started to turn around hoping they were done.

It was dark and hot under the hood, but Cob and Hazel would rather risk that than being seen, no matter how long they had to hide. "I'm sorry but you're Big Ben right?" the librarian said with a smile and a slightly happier tone than when the elevators were pointed out.

"Uh...yeah. But Ben is fine too," Ben replied.

He hated when he was recognized. Before the accident he didn't mind. He could usually just walk away fast enough that people thought he was going somewhere in a hurry and couldn't stop to chat. It was a lot harder to do that on crutches so he had to endure more "Aren't you" or "Hey you're" conversations like this. "Oh right sorry. Just I'm a big fan. Hope we make it to the playoffs again like last year. I was at your last game before..." the librarian stopped.

"I'm glad you're ok. Do you think you'll play again soon when you're out of that cast?" there was a hopeful tinge in the question. "Probably not!" Ben said way too fast and loud. "Sorry I'm...gotta go now thanks," Ben said and spread his arms out to grip the railing, nearly losing his crutches as he did.

Then he swung himself up the stairs quickly, landing on his good leg each time.

He reached the next floor in no time and exhaled in relief. He looked around quickly there were far less people on the second floor and the ones who were seemed to be focused on reading or studying. "Coast is clear," Ben whispered to Cob and Hazel.

They popped out from hiding enjoying the fresher air. "Why did you do that just now?" Hazel asked Ben immediately. "Do what?" Ben replied knowingly. "That person. The librarian seemed very pleased to see you and very curious about your future and you just shut the conversation down and ran...well whatever you did away up the stairs. Is it a habit of yours to be so rude to people in polite conversation?" she asked. "It's not rude, I don't like...it's...annoying." Ben answered. "Annoying?" Hazel asked confused.

Polite small talk was the cornerstone of civil society to Hazel's British sensibilities.

Before they could continue Sam's loud voice boomed up the stairs and through the whole building. "Hey Ding Dong what the hell?! You call me over here to be a pack mule then run away from me!"

Ben turned to look as Sam's head emerged over the steps first. She was greeted by several loud shushes from different directions. "Oh shut up! This isn't the quiet section grandmas." Sam yelled back as she finished coming up the stairs.

She made her way over towards her brother in a couple of strides. Cob nearly fell off Ben's shoulder trying to crawl past his neck to see Sam.

To Cob's disappointment, and Hazel's relief, she was in one of Ben's stolen sweatshirts again. But she was in very tight shorts that hugged her thick legs and rear. Cob tried to guess whether what was under the sweatshirt matched. Sam spotted Cob and Hazel not just because her own height made it easier and clearer to see that part of her big little brother. She had started to always be on the lookout for the two of them now. She was developing a habit of checking in spots where they could be hiding on someone. She normally honed in on the motion of their tails, but those were tucked under the fabric of Ben's sweatshirt. "Hi!" Sam whispered at the pair not wanting to draw more attention to all of them. She walked up to Ben and put a hand on his shoulder, resting it so the back was just next to Cob's hiding spot. Sam made a winking gesture down at Cob staring up at her. "I'm going with Sam!" Cob yelled and jumped onto Sam's wrist then scurried up her arm before anyone could object. They reached Sam's shoulder and nestled under the hood. "Welcome aboard," Sam whispered down at her shoulder. Cob was overjoyed.

"So why did you interrupt my workout? Since when do you need books?" Sam asked slipping her hands into the pocket of the sweatshirt. The pair of humans filled the stairwell making it far easier to overlook the tiny stowaways. *** End Part 2

[moonchildridden]

Love In The Air Episode 12: Weather Forecast and the Winds Of Change

It’s been a week since the episode aired, I’m still not over it, my sleep schedule is still fucked up, my emotions are still all over the place and I’m fresh off from a flu that left me feeling like a zombie for the entire week, and because of that I hope you guys don’t expect this to make actual sense because I’m just going by what I think the weather forecast meant considering what happened during the episode.

So, get ready because here comes Moonchild with another weather forecast breakdown post, that is late because it was supposed to have been finished two days ago, so you guys can appreciate how thoughtful the production team is with these things.

Anyways, the episode 12′s weather forecast was so interconnected with the name of the episode that when I actually discovered that, it was just *chief’s kiss*. I feel like a broken record at this point because I keep saying how clever is the usage of the weather forecast to drop clues about the tone of the episode and how it shows the development stage of the relationship between PrapaiSky, which considering the impact that what happened on the episode left on PrapaiSky, I dare to say that things were bound to get shaken and things were bound to change.

The title of this post is not an accident.

Let’s start off by talking about the weather forecast, before laying down the connection it has with the name of the episode. The weather forecast mentions that a monsoon would cause weather changes across the country and, again, because English is not my first language and I barely remember my elementary school science classes, I had to search exactly what a monsoon was, and that search wielded back pretty interesting results.

A monsoon could be defined as:

1 - Traditionally a seasonal reversing wind accompanied by corresponding changes in precipitation, now used to describe seasonal changes in atmospheric circulation and precipitation;

2 - The rainy phase of a seasonally changing pattern, although technically there is also a dry phase. The term is also sometimes used to describe locally heavy but short-term rains;

3 - Seasonal change in the direction of the prevailing, or strongest, winds of a region;

4 - Weather phenomenon linked more to a wind shift rather than precipitation. In fact, the name "monsoon" is derived from the Arabic word "mausim" which means "season" or "wind-shift".

5 - Weather phenomenon caused by a change in the direction of the wind that happens when the seasons change.

The definitions may seem a bit repetitive, but I brought all of those to show that, although some people define monsoon differently, they all share one thing in common, that is the fact that a monsoon represents a shift or change between seasons, and it is related to the movement of the wind. Trying to explain this the best way I can to make sure we are all on the same page, a monsoon only happens when the wind shifts its direction, meaning that there are things that make the wind change its natural course of direction and that, in turn, causes the monsoon.

Are we clear about this? I hope so.

Now, I wanna do something different and say that this episode can be divided in stages (or changes) that when analyzed in sequence, can be attributed the things that would eventually cause the monsoon to happen:

  1. The season changing patterns: Sky showing concern for Prapai, them going shopping together, their “love confession” on the room they had sex for the first time;

The episode started with Prapai on Sky’s room, helping him in another project, and the moment Pai hurts himself with the x-act, Sky runs to him, visibly worried and starts attending Pai’s wound, while Pai is smiling and feeling happy that Sky is slowly starting to show how important he is for him and that the nonchalant attitude Sky has is merely a front to hide his real feelings. This scene alone shows how much comfortable Sky became in asking Pai for help, comfortable in being in his presence and to let Pai be more involved in his life, also that Sky is starting to take Pai’s words of assurance more seriously and Pai is honoring the things he say and show to Sky.

Both of them are starting to create a path where both of them can walk together, taking their relationship further step by step.

After that, PrapaiSky basically behave like a couple, with Sky allowing Pai to touch him in public (Pai’s hand on Sky’s waist while they are on the mall), not outright “dismissing” his flirting attempts, taking Pai to eat his favorite food, stuff like that. On Prapai’s side, we had him take Sky to the room where they had sex for the first time and, while in the room where all the unforgettable action happened, he exposes how much Sky had been ingrained in his mind, how much deeper his feeling for Sky had become in the past weeks and his desire to stay by Sky’s side as long as his life allowed him to, situation that prompted Sky to tentatively expose on his own way exactly what he wanted from Prapai (the “I want you to kiss me” and “I want you to like me” were sentences that carried a longevity desire, not only something for that moment that they were having) while accepting Pai’s confession in the process, and opening space for them to make their relationship official.

While this was a big change, none of this was responsible for our literary monsoon to exist, meaning that these were not the things that caused the wind to shift its direction. This is because a monsoon happens when there is a shift in the wind direction and this shift happens because the temperature of the land and the temperature of the water are different as seasons change, meaning that there needs to be a big difference between two forces to cause the change, and the scene in Pai’s room was more of a convergence of feelings that than a collision between two opposing actions

2. The changes on the wind direction: the party, Sky “breaking up” with Prapai, Prapai going to Sky’s room;

In Chinese, the word “sad” is “shang xin”, whose roots are from the word “Human” plus “Li” that means “force” and the word “xin” that means “heart”. When these two are combined, it’s like two people using force against each other’s heart, which means “sad”. This precious knowledge was taken from I Told Sunset About You’s episode 2 but I decided to bring it here to use as an example of how the all thing about two forces opposing to each other can be so impactful to the point of causing big changes.

The change that actually starts causing effects is when Sky begins ghosting Prapai, making up excuses not to see him, ignoring his calls and only sending messages when it is to say that they cannot meet because he was busy. Considering that this behavior was not normal on Sky, and sensing that something was wrong, Pai then goes after Sky, just to find out that he hasn’t been in his room for the past days and without other alternative, he simply goes back and tries to think on his next move.

(A fun fact that I wanna share here is that monsoons were once considered as a large-scale sea breeze and, if there is one thing that the man in the photos ISN’T is a sea breeze. This man right here was a brewing thunderstorm.)

The opposition of forces between them (the difference of temperature involved in a monsoon) is shown in great detail during the phone call where Sky breaks up with Pai, and how Pai reacted to it. Using the land and the water as analogies to Prapai and Sky, Sky as the land (calling back to the name of episode 10, “Could You Be the Sky That Becomes My Destination?” and also because the sky is something that remains in the same place) is the cold temperature, or at least tries to embody a cold front, by being as heartless he could with Prapai, saying that everything that happened between them was just a game for him, that he was tired of pretending to be a pitiful boy and that it was for Pai to stop calling him because it was annoying.

Prapai as the water (more like because between them, he’s the one associated with a moving weather phenomenon) is the embodiment of a hot temperature, because he was the one expressing his real feelings, not angry enough to be said that he was fuming with rage but heated enough to be very noticeable, telling Sky that he had been worried about him for the past two weeks, that his patience also had a limit, how confused he was about all of that when they had made their relationship official when they were in his room and refusing to believe in Sky’s words, saying to himself that Sky was not that kind of person, that the boy he loves was not that kind of person, and also refusing to give up.

This opposition, this difference of temperature between the land and the water was the beginning on the creation of the monsoon.

3. The monsoon: the diary scene

Remember when I said that Sky was the land, Prapai was the water, and the “breakup” scene was the opposition between them? Well, now we turn back to the weather forecast and analyze the second part of it, because until now we only talked about the monsoon itself and not the effects that the monsoon would cause: changes across the country. What the “country” is in this situation, you may ask? Well, is their relationship.

And this is where the name of the episode, “when the sky surrenders to the wind”, comes into play.

When I talked about the weather forecast in my post about the parallels between the episode 8 and episode 10, I said that the name of the episode sets the tone of the events of the episode and the weather forecast serves as a complement of that, giving us a full view of the events we are going to see being transpired during the episode. In this case, is no different but this episode we cannot take the name at face value but understand what exactly the word “surrender” here means.

When you search for the meaning of the word “surrender”, various results appear, such as:

1 – to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand; (“yield” implies concession or compliance or submission to force)

2 – to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another;

3 – the action of yielding one’s person or giving up the possession of something especially into the power of another;

4 – to agree to stop fighting, hiding, resisting, etc., because you know that you will not win or succeed;

5 – to give the control or use of (something) to someone else.

I like to bring multiple definitions because it can give you guys an idea of how a certain situation can make you view a word in a different way that you would in a different situation. Usually, when you surrender to someone, it is because the other person exerted so much pressure and force upon you that the only way our you found was to give up and accept whatever they wanted you to do or give whatever they wanted from you, it implies compliance, giving yourself completely, without reservation, without barriers. The diary scene can be interpreted as Pai using his influence/power (him being in possession of Sky’s diary and reading what was written there out loud) over Sky but we need to understand that the ultimate goal of Pai was not a love confession, was an explanation of why Sky was acting like that, if everything was ok and what could he do to make things better.

While the diary was the answer to most of his questions, he still needed to listen to Sky talk, express his feelings and thoughts, so that they could communicate with each other and fix whatever issue they had between them.

I want you guys to imagine this scenario: the person you love, someone you just made your relationship official with, someone you’ve spent the last month or so knowing better, having new experiences with, suddenly starts ghosting you, giving you excuses as to why you guys won’t be able to meet up, doesn’t answer your calls, is not in their room so you have not idea where to find them, makes you worried about them, so when you decide to use an unknown number to call them and they finally answer the phone, you have to hear them say that everything that happened between you two was just a pretend from their part, that everything they said to you was a lie, and that they were bored of you, so because of that you should just stop calling them because it was annoying.

You don’t believe them (“dammit, I don’t fucking believe it”), of course, after all you know they are not like that (“Sky’s not that kind of person. The boy I love’s not that kind of person”), so you decide to go search for answers and the only place you are almost 100% certain that you’ll find the answers is their room, the place where basically all the important moments of your relationship happened (except for the officialization of said relationship). You also know that they won’t be there, after all they’ve been MIA for two weeks, so you use the key you had but never had any reason to use because they would always be there to open the door for you, you get in and you start searching for anything that could help you understand what the hell was happening.

And so, you find a notebook. You’ve seen them writing there a few times, hiding hurriedly every time you walked into the room, so you go for it and open, hoping to see anything that could help you. You start reading, each sentence making you realize that yes, you were right in not believing in the words they said to you earlier that day, but things were more complicated than you realized. The person you love is in pain, for so long, hiding their real feelings, their thoughts, their desires, their fears, and you didn’t see any of it, because they were so used to mask those things that it ended up going past you as well. The things you managed to see, how they always ask for help with their eyes, the nightmares, the hesitation, it was because they allowed you to see, they trusted you, the lowered their guard next to you, and only because of that you saw that; and now, you had access to everything they thought about, everything they wanted from you, everything they were afraid you would do, and none of that had come directly from them.

You had to force your way into their space to know that. You had to use your power to have access to that information. And now you needed to find them and confront them.

Until the moment Sky got into his room, found out Pai was there and Pai started reading his diary, both of them were still opposite forces from each other, because both of them wanted different things in that room: Pai went there looking for answers, Sky went there to get his things and leave the room for good because there were too many memories of them in there and he needed to get away from it. None of them expected to see the other to be there, none of them were ready to really confront the other but only one of them had the power to make actual changes that night: Prapai, the monsoon.

People need to understand that Pai reading what was written in the diary out loud was a way of confronting Sky with the words he wrote and did not say with the things he said on the phone, both instances where Pai was not present. Pai was also giving voice, turning those words real, making Sky face them head on, instead of just keep them hidden from view. And when he made all of those questions, if the person that wrote that was the same that enjoyed putting a player like him in his place, if when Sky was writing in that notebook he was also acting, that he knew Pai would find the key and enter the room to read it, if the notebook was full of lies too, Pai was expecting an answer from Sky because those accusations were empty, a taunting tactic to make Sky realize that Pai knew who Sky was, knew that he wasn’t that manipulative and knew that everything he just read was true, in contrast to the words he said on the phone; in that moment, Pai was literally the personification of Sky’s inner turmoil, inner struggle and fear.

It was no coincidence that the scene took place in Sky’s room. Sky’s room is the only place where Sky feels safe enough to just be himself, to live his life the way he wants, even if for just a few hours before having to put up a front and go to the real world. That room was like a box, where all the facets from Sky were kept and having Pai there, when he was not supposed to be, being aware of what Sky was keeping locked from him and giving voice to them was like forcing Sky to face everything that was happening at once, outside of his control. Pai confessing his love first (“it’s unfair for you to say it first, right?”) also wasn’t a coincidence, because what Sky needed the most in that moment was not give a leap of faith hoping that Pai could be there to catch him, but to fully jump knowing that Pai would be there to catch him and hold his hand; that’s why Pai started by saying that he didn’t like Sky anymore, before saying that he loved Sky, because Sky had been wary of the idea of Pai liking him, but hearing that Pai loved him, even after reading everything written on that notebook, seeing that Pai had gone there, looking for him, was willing to fight for him, to see beyond his bullshit, was the last hit into the walls that were separating both of them, the walls that wouldn’t allow Sky to say all of the things he wrote on the note book out loud.

Pai put himself in a vulnerable situation, saying that he loved Sky first, because he needed to send the message that it was ok for Sky to be vulnerable with him, that it was ok for Sky to feel the way he did, because Pai also felt the same way.

When the sky surrenders to the wind – I love you, P’Pai

When the sky surrenders to the wind – I love you, I love you, I love you so much

When the sky surrenders to the wind – I love you, I love you so much. Please don’t leave me. Stay with me. Don’t go away

The “surrender” in Sky’s case was him realizing that Prapai was there to stay and wouldn’t go anywhere. The “surrender” was Sky realizing that he was allowed to express his feelings without fearing that Pai would use them against him. The “surrender” was Sky willingly and freely giving to Pai the last source of control he had in that relationship, that was the knowledge of his feelings. The “surrender” was Sky agreeing to stop fighting his feelings, hiding his feelings, resisting the force and impact of his feelings, because he knew that he would not win or succeed in doing that for much longer, not when Pai was waving his love, their love, in front of them.

Their relationship changed a lot through the episode, from them acting like a couple, to them being a couple, then breaking up and them getting back together. Each one of those changes are significant for their story because it was showing how much Pai and Sky, two people that weren’t really kin in finding love, were starting to build something together, giving each other a reason to really dive into those feelings and cherish them the best they could, but the most important change was the one that happened in that room, that night, when Pai gave Sky reasons to stop his resistance, to believe in him, in them, to take that final step, to let himself love, and Sky, just bursting out in tears, without being able to hold it any longer, surrendered himself to Pai.

This episode was emotionally intense. It was intense because it forced both of them to make decisions based on their perception of how things were going, forced them to clash against each other, it put them in different stances and create a heavy environment between them. We saw how Sky deals with his trauma, this time in the realm of relationship, we saw how Pai is someone that may look a bit shallow to some people but he has a good instinct and is strong headed enough to stand by what he believes, and also that he’s willing to fight for the people he love, even when those people try to push him away the worst way possible.

Both of them needed this monsoon, this clashing, this confrontation, to happen, so they could start over on the right foot and be on the same page with each other. Pain brought them closer, made them stronger, made them see each other better, with new understanding. It’s not going to be easy, nothing good in life is easy, but when you put your heart into the things you want and you do, the universe works in your favor, even when all hope seem lost.

After all, fortune do favors the bold, and nothing screams “bold” more than a cheeky little hot wind god fighting for his sky.