#<- see at least i’m self aware
Text
i got lossed by desmos what the hell
#also what the fuck am i doing#got too much to do but also it’s kinda late#ok maybe more than kinda even#i wanna like lie down in the snow i think?????#i did. earlier but that was earlier and u wasn’t thinking properly then (and yknow clearly i am now)#this week’s music listening hwk sucks i think that’s the problem#so now here i am#maybe i just abandon it though i’m getting somd peculiar thoughts#ok yeah sure fuck it i can deal with the consequences in the morning#(i am not going to be very happy with myself which i mean is justified)#ok for real though i will go to sleep and we’ll see what happens from there#ezra’s real life rambles#silly hours posting#<- see at least i’m self aware#ok ok goodnight to some of you and to one of you (most likely the only one reading this bullshit) gingham <3
1 note
·
View note
Note
Do you have more Moby Dick: Modern Translation chapters anywhere that certain interested parties (me and everyone with taste) could read?
In reference to this translation of Moby Dick into insufferable modern idiom, in which Ishmael is suddenly shown up in a startling light as a person we’ve actually met and knew well but didn’t really like:
I’m sorry, I haven’t written any more of that! After chapter 1’s mad rush of energy, the book tackles more tricky, boring and unfunny content, including passages that are just uncomfortably problematic in any time; and, like, entire chapters about listening to a church sermon.
A line translation (and that is mostly a very faithful line translation! The only thing I regret not doing was perfectly capturing the fart joke!) apparently has a lot of educational value, and helps to reframe the whole novel. That’s worthy work! But i simply wouldn’t want to do a line translation on the next few chapters. My brain is picking daisies instead, already. I would say: “sorry, I’m abridging this for my own mental health. You’re eligible for a free refund.” In which case the educational value is negligible (you can just read the plot summary online. There’s a really big whale in it.)
Anyone else who wants to take a stab at it (FROM HELL’S HEART) would be welcome and I’ll gladly promote your efforts. It’s just. I am going
🌼-🌼-🌼-🌼-🌼-🌼-🌼
- come here let me measure your head
#🌼-🌼-🌼-🌼-🌼-🌼-🌼#I’m flirtatiously making the hyphens green 😙#mody bick#moby dick#also to be completely fair that’s the kind of thing I should take my time over and do properly#and that always triggers something in my head like#probably should seek to do it properly and get paid#sorry for banging on about that all the time#as always I am startlingly broke it’s the first week of the month and I’m shatteringly broke ✌️#so I get cross and grumpy#and go I should work out some kind of thing where I get paid#and then proceed not to do that and complain instead.#at least I’m self aware about it.#but yeah brain sees an assignment like that translating a whole#book into another language and goes you’d have to pay someone with an English degree ten thousand dollars to do that#like first chapter is funny haha but the INSTANT it tips into homework!!!!#I start calling the union#and our union is like. the nerd union.#and I call them mentally going GUARDS! I started doing a Bit and it turned into#homework in my head and now I don’t wanna.
113 notes
·
View notes
Text
2 weeks at uni and I’ve already reached peak procrastination. I found masking tape and somehow decided that the best use of my time was to make a tiny Belphemon-sleep.
#I actually can’t wait till student finance have processed my dsa#maybe next year or something I should look for an adhd diagnosis? if I’m having this much trouble focussing and a cup of coffee doesn’t work#anymore as a way for me to focus maybe I should see if meds would help?#(when I got my autism diagnosis i was also told its possible that I have adhd. I’d privately suspected adhd before I considered autism)#like. some days I can focus. it feels like I’m balancing on a knife-edge and it’s very stressful#and I can’t do it on command or anything#but sure#seeing one piece of fanart with Boy from tts#and my whole day goes down the drain because I can’t drag myself away from the series#and listening to video game soundtrack helps but then if I do that too much I start feeling lonely but I can’t listen to a podcast because#then I focus on that above the work I’m meant ti be doing#and even then I might look up other stuff about the video game I’m listening to#and the worst times are when I become self aware and that really breaks my focus but I know I’ve got to keep going#and then at the end of the day I feel awful because I’ve done about 1-2 hours actual work in 6 hours#time I could have spend doing other work or#heaven forbid#enjoying myself#that was more of a rant than I expected#I’m doing ok I think#I hope#i know I’m not meant to compare myself with others#but I’ve done more work than my flatmates#and that at least makes me feel a little better#I’m going to get myself a coffee now#hopefully that’ll help me today#my goal is at least 200 words#then I can stop#actually autistic#autism#personal rant
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
I can fix him*
*bad writing, underutilized gameplay mechanics, characters with unfulfilled potential, funded by bootlickers
#ra speaks#personal#sorry I made dr phone calls and have like. ten minutes til I gotta get ready for first class of the semester. let me have this.#I think I should get every COD game ever for free. it’s MY tax dollars at work after all (actually anything produced w us military funding#should be free I think I can trap even my bootlicker tax hating dad into getting onboard w this one)#anyways. ghosts was…decent. but jfc if you give me a silent protag I expect SOME self awareness in the writing.#why are characters calling to him on comms when they know he won’t respond? why doesn’t he have an AAC device or something more futuristic?#I’m just saying if you explicitly limit a character you need to respect those limits in te writing. it’s not that hard.#like non of the characters even acknowledge that Logan never talks. esp weird when he first meets the ghosts#also. obv not a big fan of ‘all of South America has United into evil space terrorists’ but it was 2013 so ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯#wish we got to see some SDC civis y’know? get a bear on the average attitudes abt the whole. invading the US thing.#(jfc do not get me started on The Wall like this is a 2016 trump voter’s power fantasy)#also Riley was such an interesting mechanic why couldn’t they have at least substituted him w drones or something on the other missions??#you get him for like. two missions. and then he gets shot and you have to protect him (gosh I actually loved that section)#just. it was clear Logan was The Dog Guy with an aptitude for tech. honestly Hesh felt more like the MC than Logan.#and while Logan doesn’t have a ton of personality we can glean as a result of non speaking + ZERO communication at all ever#seriously he doesn’t even like. wave or give thumbs up to people wtf dude do ppl just assume he’s psychic or something???#I do LOVE the few scenes we get with him acting outside of player control/where he actually has agency (Elias’ death. the final cutscene)#and like it’s not much but it’s enough that I WANT to see what happens next#but alas. a decade old game without a true sequel (I think??? haven’t actually looked into it.)#my brother is making fun of me for being a COD gamer now like boy. I have no defense pls be nice to me T-T
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
#thank you for submitting!!#submission#ops caption:#Hey there!! I love your account and couldn’t help but notice there’s a lot of JJK screenshots and so I thought I’d submit my own.#This is from my work titled: Let’s Get Physical! And I also go by YearnWorm on there.#Idk if it’s tacky to submit ur own stuff 😳 but hey maybe someone else will find it as funny as my beta and I did lmaoo#Keep it up gamer!#<- replying#youre so sweet thank you!! no worries about submitting your own things there’s nothing to be ashamed of showing your own work!!!! i for one#post things i think are hilarious - sometimes they hit sometimes they don’t but hey they’re out there and i still like them#also no shame to the person who i’m about to talk about but idk but i remember this one time someone submitted their own work and when i#posted it they reblogged it saying smth like oh it’s me!! thanks for screenshotting my stuff!! and i was like …ok#but respect to them ig i admire their audacity#anyways story over don’t worry about submitting your own work anyone who’s reading this chances are i’ll love it anyway lmao#n e ways#CRHING LMOA I READ TBIS WRONG AND DIDNT SEE THE PRETENDING TO REEL HIM IN PART AND GENUINELY THKUGHT THIS WAS SOME MERMAY THJNG LMAOOOOO#LOVE THIS FOR HIM THOUGH AT LEAST HES SELF AWARE MEGUMI 🙌#FAVOURITE
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about how raph, april, and mikey are less focused on by the fandom than donnie and leo, the only two main characters in rottmnt with white voice actors
#to be clear this is not a “callout” nor am i trying to inspire discourse/attack anybody#it’s just something i’ve been thinking about for a while that i feel deserves more... ig recognition? by the fandom at large#like i know a part of it is definitely the shows’ fault and their own unspoken biases#but i can’t turn a blind eye when i see human versions of the turtles that consistently have see and lee be lighter skinned#even if they are all represented as poc#like to reiterate: this is not a call-out#it could absolutely just be the niche of the fandom that i find myself in (in which this is a massive self report)#and i absolutely need to do better as well!!#but i haven’t seen this talked about as much as i feel it should#esp with april— i mean i already am aware about the fandom bias toward male characters#but it makes it doubly hard for her character which is a shame seeing as she is a queen#+ my fav representation of april in the entirety of the tmnt canon so far#i understand with mikey that it could be excused due to the fact that his character was focused on less#but raph? he has sooo much good characterization that i often see given to leo in fic/fanart#like i said: this is a lot more nuanced than what i’ve talked about#and i am by no means perfect#i just think we as a fandom should at the very least recognize this aspect of ourselves#idk i’m definitely not the best person to be talking about this#but i’ve been turning it over in my head for a while so i figured i might as well just. say it#rottmnt#rottmnt meta#racism#tw racism#internal bias#if anybody has something to add feel free#just like. be civil please? like i don’t think anyone is doing it on purpose (obviously)#just something to be aware of
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
I feel like I came out of the womb with raging anxiety
#never been fully relaxed a day in my life#literally had a panic attack at age 6-7(?)#I’ve been super self aware for as long as I can remember#the tension in my body is my natural state#I’ve BEEN imagining every worst case scenario since I could form thoughts#7th-8ish grade is where it got worse#had panic attacks like four times a week#and then heart palpitations started and holy shit I was googling symtoms and that would make it worse#was convinced I would get a heart attack#having a headache is part of my daily routine#then I got a crush on a guy and with it came body dysmorphia#couldn’t look people in the eye from how ugly I felt(still struggle with this one but we got this💪🏼💪🏼)#now I mostly just cry#like I deadass get stressed and overwhelmed and just cry#depression came next and I was honestly not surprised#and it tampered my anxiety a bit but I’d honestly rather feel stressed than feel so numb#yeah I wouldn’t recommend#so basically I lie awake feeling aware of my own heartbeat or of my body#oh and I can’t forget the physical pain that anxiety caused me#muscle aches literally convinced me there was something wrong with me#went to the doctor numerous times bc I NEEDED to be diagnosed with something or I would go crazy and instead got told to see a therapist#and the therapist basically told me everything I had already figured out myself but at least I can talk to someone#tw anxiety#tw depression#tw body dysmorphia#anxiety#mentions of depression#and I’m only a teenager so should I be worried about what happens in the next few years? bc this already sounds like a lot to me#this was supposed to be a funny little post but nvm I guess?? don’t worry about me I’m good though many good things in my life#teenager
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Broski’s, I just watched a movie at my dad’s (and mom’s but my dad is the one who texted me about it) recommendation and I looked it up expecting to find some feminism, maybe some shit about the creepy, grapey* vibe a character (the villain of the story) gave off, maybe some love for the intelligent queen who kept fighting to get herself out of a truly horrific situation, no matter the cost, or especially for her sheer badassery at the end of the movie, and instead just found thirst posts and fanfic for aforementioned villain? :/ because I want some of that previously mentioned stuff on Red Eye, but now I’m just lowkey mad >:-/
#I’m also mad about the number of women in this movie who apparently just let shit fly under their radar#cause no self respecting woman in real life would see anything those attendants did and just go on with their evening#for instance when I was like 12#12!#I went out for dinner with my grandparents and out waitress looked like MAYBE she MIGHT have been sad at some point in her day#(slightly red cheeks and a smile that only barely reached her eyes)#and I spent the whole meal tossing around in my head if I should ask her about it and made sure she got an extra large tip#and I. was. twelve.#there is no way that a fully aware adult female#would irl see any of the things the attendants see in this movie and not take her aside and check up on her#especially with how clearly she fears him#or at the very least show suspicion that something wasn’t right#that 11 yo is the realest bitch in the movie#in conclusion this movie was written by a man#😂#so back to what I started with#I want more content on the hero of this story#and I want more hate on the creep#is that too much to ask? 😭😭😭#anywho#red eye#red eye movie#lisa reisert#movies#rants
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I never should’ve let mustached love bomber back in , he is so toxic and unstable and bad for me and it is ADDICTING
Like I eat it up. I feel myself feeling crazy! I know it’s gonna crash and burn by August so I’m like ? Just lean into it? Enjoy it for what it is and know he’s gonna leave and that’s okay. Life is short like I may just have 1 month of fun, right? Right?
#unhealthy#but#oh well#he wants me to dom him and maybe that will make it work this time#he’s addicted to ketamine and an alcoholic and I see literally so much of my addict self in him#like the need to constantly escape reality due to trauma#like we are both in the we have OD’d have a dead parent and are clinically depressed club#it’s so fun to fill that void with sex and substance abuse#but it’s sooooo unhealthy#it’s like is it showing that I’ve grown some bc I at least can see what I’m doing#self aware to notice but not enough to make myself stop#I’ve been avoiding my therapist she’s gonna have a field day when I talk to her#I should have just blocked his number and I never would have gotten the I miss u text#also lying to my closest friends bc they would murder me if they knew I was talking to him#but the sex we have is insane and we both fuel each others delusions and I think he’s so hot#I also know it’s all fake but I eat it up when he talks about a future together#it’s so fun to pretend and live in that fantasy for a few weeks#even tho I KNOW it is not real#my dumbass listening to Lana’s thunder while typing this shit up#that’s what it feels like!#whatever I’m gonna go out tn with my girls and#try not to have him over at 2 am tonight
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
smh I gained so many followers from my half orc post but none of you engage with my various journal entries and feverish ramblings. I’m more than a pretty face. I’m also an attention-seeking and somewhat off-putting creature.
#why yes I ran out of the meds I take to minimize manic episodes#I’m self aware enough to recognize my recent posting as part of this but also cannot stop myself#anyway if you aren’t interested in what I have to say you could at LEAST be weird about calling me attractive#those were my fav tags to see when that post was circulating
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
When you think you’re over something and then you see a reminder of it and you start hurting again like the thing had just happened 🙃
#text#personal#negative#keep seeing reminders of how I failed to connect with people and make new friends#(it feels like I’m being stabbed in the chest)#like I KNOW there’s something inherently wrong with me now. people sense it. I try my best but it still isn’t enough#and no matter what I do. no matter what I say. it’s always the wrong thing to do or say! always!#it’s definitely some sort of social skill issue but like. why does this keep happening with EVERYONE I meet irl?#like. am I secretly (or not so secretly) mean? manipulative? annoying? somehow too weird in some way?#it really fucking hurts. knowing that every attempt to connect with someone fails. it’s so fucking embarrassing having 0 irl friends now#at least I’m self aware that I’m the problem but like… how do I fix this?#I can never read social cues or take hints. I need everything to be direct.#literally going to cry over this today I think. I feel so awful. what a great start to the new year. :)
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
the thing is I’m an mcr fan in a hot way
#I once saw someone with a dni and one of the things was mcr fans that are pretentious about it#and like yeah thats definitely me. im a pretentious mcr fan. at least I’m self aware#but like see being an mcr fan makes me cool and I understand Gerard way better than all of you so it’s not like it’s my fault#sometimes opal says stuff
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Not super enthused with them laying it on thick with the humor for Buck’s storyline this week, especially with how the rest of the 118 reacted to finding out. It’s a bit of a tiring tone when it’s storyline I’m already wary of, a storyline that was already a bit grating to me. Idk maybe it’s just a bit harder for me to enjoy the jokey jokes when it feels like we’re waiting for the other shoe to drop…
Guess I’m just gonna hold on to the hope that Uncle Buck babysitting Jee next episode will be the catalyst for some actual Buck character development.
#idk maybe I’m just a pessimist but it feels like we’re kinda in for another season of them fumbling Buck’s storyline#I just want to see some of this character development they keep throwing at him to show more signs of sticking?#don’t get me wrong this still beats the Taylor/Lucy clusterfuck of last season#but still a little more self awareness and maturity on Buck’s part after all this time would be nice#something about slapping this jokey tone on a storyline I already found grating is not helping#just give some good angst and some clear growth and I will be glad to amend my thoughts#at least this episode had some fun good Eddie content#911 spoilers#911#911 on fox#tv: 911#911 season 6#evan buck buckely#evan buckley
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
seeing brax self harming depicted by ppl other than me is so affirming….
#atbmtfogm#it’s not necessarily healthy but it’s so mentally validating thank you……#I hope cvtting himself makes him feel better.. (?)#however temporarily#I can’t wait to see what more he does in something changed#or how does he even interact with his daughter the wreck that he is#I do headcanon that maggie knows that he does this shit#if not like maggie is at least aware that he has ISSUES#that’s why she’s laments that she can heal objects but couldn’t heal people and that her dad is so stubborn#bernice summerfield#irving braxiatel#braxiatel#bruh#self harm tw#sh tw#also I’m seeing John’s smoking as his cope now like these 2 are such wrecks together#ivq listens to bf
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
“Box full of adhesive hangers” is my version on the “box full of hdmi cables that ur dad keeps around” I love them. They are useful. Heart <3
#I used one to hand up a birthday gift that my friend got me :3#I see something I want to hang up and I go ‘omg I have a hanger for that’#I also bought a bunch of cargo (-esque?) pants today and needless to say I’m slowly becoming my dad lol#hopefully I just don’t become my mom 🙏#or at least if I have her traits that I’m self aware of them
0 notes
Text
damn this inferiority complex got hands
#status update#sorry vent incoming ->#when you when. when you get perceived as a certain way for so long that you assign yourself that trait before others can#i don’t WANT to be the annoying little brother type but asking to be seen as an equal feels like asking for too much#so it’s at least better if i say it first and when people agree it’s just true. and then it’s not mean that way#i said it first so hahaha it’s okay if you don’t engage with me in earnest i get it because i know i’m like that#you can write me off as being silly and childish because that’s what i’m doing after all#it’s not fair to me to infantilize myself in the name of protection but well. i’m convinced Everyone sees me like that#id rather be self aware than clueless. better to acknowledge i’m annoying ahead of time than assume i can be liked as myself#because. and this has been proven true to my face in the past. people who think i’m not annoying are an exception to the rule#i don’t know i really constantly feel like i’m just being a silhouette of myself everywhere. irl online doesn’t matter#and i don’t want to feel like that i don’t like doing that it makes me sick#but man it’s really just. anything to not be ostracized#anything to have friends who don’t make fun of me or who use me to just make them feel better about themselves#alright that’s off my chest now. back to business as usual
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
fmlyhm46
Untitled
studieswithash
ash
devotedlycoolsoul-blog
Untitled
herecomesyourgroom-blog
We've met before, haven't we?
wocbeats
wocbeats