When I was a kid one of my moms would call her period "moon time" or "her monthlies" or shit like that and my other mom straight up stealthed it, but when I'm a dad I think I'm gonna go straight down the middle and call it Werewolf Week. Like sorry kids, dad can't roughouse right now, it's Werewolf Week
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old German lady gave me acupuncture today
she lifted up my shirt, saw my top surgery scars, and immediately went "WHOA! What caused THIS?"
my fellow comrades, it took every atom of my strength not to just say the funniest lie I could think of on the spot.
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So as it turns out James Somerton did in fact fake his suicide note, and did a bunch of other stuff in the meantime
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when i was a kid i wanted to be a famous youtuber like dan and phil so that people would gay ship me with my irl best friend and we would be sooo weirded out by it and laugh and make videos joking about it but secretly it would make her realize her repressed gay crush on me and i'd help her through her gay crisis and then we would have a sickeningly sweet sappy romance and read fanfiction about ourselves together... anyways just found out she's married to a guy in the mafia now so i probably don't have a chance
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he will use every chance he gets to be a drama queen and if he doesnt have one he will create one
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i'll just be controversial and say discord is not real social media. it's a fine communication platform but it is not Posting! saying you're gonna move to discord is like saying you're gonna move to facebook messenger get outta here
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girls when they get overstimulated in the grocery store
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AU where Mr. D claiming to be Percy’s dad accidentally counts as Claiming according to Greek god law or whatever and now all the other gods legitimacy believe Percy is his son, but if Mr. D corrects it, he has to explain to Zeus why he pretended he was Percy’s dad so now he’s like “YEP ol’ Perry Johansson is MY child wowie just look at the little fry, you have your mother’s eyes. Please stop standing next to water or you will blow my cover”
Meanwhile Poseidon is just standing off to the side like “how on earth did I dodge THAT bullet”
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Magnus fandom, 2016: We're horny for this lady made of worms!
Me: Huh. Unexpected, I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Magnus fandom, 2024: We're horny for this guy made of needles!
Me: Of course you are, my children. Be free.
Magnus fandom 2024: We're horny for this bulbous oozing clown man!
Me: I think 95% of your are being facetious, but the true 5% can go with god.
Magnus fandom, just now: We're horny for a member of the British Aristocracy!
Me: Gross. No. Absolutely not. Sick freaks the lot of you. I am officially kinkshaming. You disgust me.
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The James somerton stuff is so wild. It feels like an old tale of internet drama from the live journal days or something. I feel like I should be listening to strange aeons talk about it in the past tense not like a thing I should be living through with all the names being recognisable YouTubers I watch instead of some obscure harry potter reference.
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Long time no see, here's a unicorn lady ⚔️
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