#‘not only can personality disorders be difficult to diagnose and understand they can also be downright scary’ me and my friends are gonna

[francisforever2014]

getting exposed to two of my least favorite things at work . crash course and the study of abnormal psych

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

own 2 cents about cure autism

autism cure research, generally not coming from point of, those with it wanting to improve life this way. but more so—people around them believe it what they want it what they need it improve life, and, uncured autism seen as … difficult for people around them, expensive for government to provide services, take up resources in medical places, etc.

majority autistic people *in actually autistic community, who understand this topic, & can talk about their opinion* don’t want whole cure

there not-small-group of autistic people who cannot reliably tell you what they think about this, or in way that easily understood (can’t communicate, can’t understand, etc). they need be remembered in this conversation (& arguably centered… bc they gonna be more affected. see below)

having said that. there exist autistic people of all types who would want cure for own autism. out of those have seen myself, majority of them [high support needs / nonverbal or level 2/3 or diagnosed severe or significant symptoms of some sort] whose life extremely different from peers because of it (& like majority of their problem not caused by “society” & won’t disappear if society & capitalism not exist anymore). it how they feel about their own autism, n feel counterproductive in “educating” them about their own (clearly personal and upset) feeling about what they want do with own disorder, especially since they not funding cure research or whatever. but—

autism, developmental disability that start in childhood, famous for be the “be treated as can understand and make own decisions” and “have autonomy respected” and “not ever forced coerced do anything” and “not force abusive therapy to make them appear ‘normal’ ” disorder. (sarcasm) — don’t really believe we as society are at place where we would actually respect “only for people who want it. won’t force it on people who not want it”.

aka. if cure is post-natal, AKA happen after birth… they will directly or indirectly force cure on autistic people

force post-natal autism cure will disproportionately impact those who… higher support needs, diagnosed level 2/3, diagnosed moderate severe, diagnosed low functioning, diagnosed comorbid intellectual disability or global developmental delay, diagnosed comorbid genetic developmental disability, nonverbal… diagnosed children, in conservatorship, ward of state, in prison, generally not fully legally allowed have final say in decision making… visibly autistic, have/said to have severe behavioral issues, BIPOC especially Black people… (incomplete list)

which. not to say autistic people who not any of these won’t be affected at all. because will. but as a whole, people on that list as a collective group, will be more impacted, more coerced, more forced, even won’t be given choice, to take cure (maybe won’t even be told was given cure), over people not on that list as a whole.

am going emphasize that autism is developmental disorder that start in childhood & children get diagnosed with it & children legally not final say in make decision & children very easily talked into agreeing without full informed decision & those diagnosed as children more likely be [higher support needs / nonverbal / more significant symptoms] (EDIT: at time of diagnosis) because those most noticeable earliest + global developmental delay then catch up later on happens (to vastly simply it to a fault, quoting someone, “no shit they high support needs, they children.”)

can also see welfare slowly not covering uncured autistic people, insurance decrease / deny / make harder coverage for autism related services other than cure, schools & esp special education less support for autism, etc. general official resources for autism decreasing (which. not much to begin with even pre-cure), which again impact all autistic people but especially list above… oh and poor people. can also see stuck in limbo of “will not get support & welfare if uncured autistic, but no money to cure” because this shit will be expensive

when this much at stake (aka if there no resource for keep be autistic, n resources locked away only able get after cure), when big percentage of autistic people cannot reliably show informed consent in some way (cannot reliably communicate, cannot reliably show they understand, or literally not allowed have decision capacity legally, etc)… if an autistic person say yes they agree. actual willing yes? not coerced? not misled? not forced into it?

autism & autistic people (& by extension, care people they depend on) don’t have enough support to begin with. in this current reality without cure lol. can we focus on that too pour as much money in that too — let’s not talk autism’s inherent quality of life until you give all autistic people as much care as they need & for it be freely n easily available

don’t really think current science have enough tech & resource cure autism like this. autism is complex disorder with complex sources & hard to say if current what called “autism” based on behaviors & internal reported symptom not actually group of different disorders.

if cure pre-natal (e.g genetic identification & abortion. anti choice unkindly DNI) - see: down syndrome

however: finding genetic cause =/= cure. find genetic cause can easily lead to find cure research. but should be clear that they not equal to eachother, not automatic mean eachother.

um. missing many things probably

TL;DR. don’t think right now society at place where… have widespread enough, nuanced enough, critical enough, & enough awareness/acceptance/understanding of ALL autism (and disability as a whole).

enough support for autistic people for autism-related needs & general needs (financial, food, etc).

world where autistic people who can make own decisions about self actual able make own decision about self, & world where autistic people who genuinely can’t (for now or ever) actually protected from harm

and honestly don’t think we have enough scientific and medical advancement/knowledge/ability

etc

to actually make sure this won’t go haywire

.

idk if anyone can follow this

autism issue is disability justice is cross-movement justice. autism issue depends on liberation of so many groups of people (like welfare reform, prison reform) 👍

follow up

[kindnessoverperfection]

I want to break down a common point of conflict when addressing NPD stigma.

A lot of hangups people have tend to be along the lines of "but I DO see a lot of people with actual NPD who are acting in toxic or abusive ways".

This will be kind of long, so bear with me.

Point #1: People are way more likely to be diagnosed if they exhibit "stereotypical" symptoms.

There's this image of NPD as a disorder that is only present in those with patterns of destructive behavior towards others. Many therapists have this conception. (Shockingly, the mental health field is not perfect & without stigma.)

Gonna copy-paste this here from my other blog (so forgive me if you've seen it before), because it's a good example.

Three people are criticized at work. Their boss yells at them for their performance in front of everyone. Person A gets mad and defensive. They yell back, using cutting remarks as a way to try and ease the distress they feel. Person B acts really mature and responsible the whole time, nodding along and agreeing and promising to do better, just desperate to maintain and improve their status. Desperate to be liked. Later they go home and handle their distress through self-destructive means, and spend the next few months overworking themself to the point of illness. Person C doesn't seem to respond much at all. They go quiet and seem distant. They don't lash out or lash in, but for the next month or so, their productivity drops. They simply aren't able to focus on work or self-care, no matter how hard they try. The stress is overwhelming. All three of these people have the same root issues, but only the first would be labeled a narcissist. Outwards behaviors and presentations don't reflect the pain, distress, and difficulties with life that are underlying them.

So, three main things happen.

There ends up being a higher rate of people with destructive behaviors who are diagnosed with NPD

The people who don't particularly exhibit behaviors and are considered ""too nice to have it"" are overlooked entirely (and never get any sort of help for their underlying issues, yayyy)

People are more likely to be more honest about "ugly" symptoms / symptoms that are frowned down upon than they are in other mental health communities.

(Also some people decide to act super edgy about it, which is annoying but here we are. Some of them are trolls.)

(And while I'm at it, some people are misdiagnosed with NPD because a psych sees someone who committed a violent crime and is like "uhh slap them with the Evil Asshole™ disorders!! no further thought given.")

Point #2: People who have messed up are not inhuman monsters who deserve no help or support

While I do think it's important for people to understand that patterns of toxic behaviors aren't the ONLY way NPD can present, I'm not going to let the conversation stop at "some of us are nice though!!"

Human beings aren't RPG characters who can be sorted into "monster" or "ally". Every single person has done something hurtful, has messed up, exhibits some sort of behavior that puts strain on their relationships sometimes.

So I'll bullet point some aspects of this that need to be talked about.

People without NPD also commonly exhibit toxic behaviors, but people ignore that nowadays. Either they armchair diagnose anyone who's slightly rude, or they only focus on it in pwNPD and ignore it in themselves or others. NTs can be jerks too, and they're probably less likely to acknowledge it than pwNPD who are constantly watching and checking themselves and analyzing their behaviors and attempting to do better.

Assuming that NPD makes someone abusive doesn't help anyone. Can it impact behaviors, and make it more difficult for people to be self-aware? Of course. But an important step in healing from any mental health condition (especially personality disorders, ime) is realizing that you're not inherently ""bad"", and that you can take responsibility for your actions and learn to deal with things in constructive ways. Just going "NPD makes people bad, full stop"- other than being a mean shitty thing to say- absolves people of guilt and asserts that there's no reason for them to try and improve.

Yes, it's okay for people to hate their abusers. Their abuser. Not an entire community of people who happen to (maybe) share a trait with them.

Building on the above point, people tend to go in defense mode when they hear things like "pwNPD who have acted in toxic ways can learn to improve their behavior", "people shouldn't be saying awful things about folks with this condition", etc. because they automatically try to apply this to their abuser. Interpersonal situations are very different from society-wide mental health access. No, don't stay with your abuser expecting them to change, and don't hold onto the hope that they will. No, don't censor yourself or your hatred or anger towards them. Just don't make blanket statements about a disorder that they may or may not have- blame their abusive actions, not their mental health.

"I hate you for your abusive actions and the harm that you caused me." =/= "I hate a group of people because of an inherent unchangeable part of them that's tied directly to severe childhood trauma they suffered. Because of it, they're evil and unlovable and are incapable of change. They're inhuman and will never experience real connection with others." ..........See the difference??

Even if there were a disorder with a 100% rate of toxic douchey behaviors, I'd want the conversation around it to be changed. I'd want different words to be used to divide up the spaces and conversations and resources, so that survivors of abusive or toxic behavior can get help, but that the disorder still has space to be treated. Otherwise, there are zero resources for healing. Nothing is being done to help these people or solve the issue. They're just told they may as well not try. They're blocked from healthcare entirely, despite how the entire point of being diagnosed with a condition is supposed to be to treat it.

There's a wide range of people who have NPD- it presents in many different ways, a person who has it may or may not exhibit harmful behaviors- but no one deserves to be denied treatment or told they're unlovable because of a condition they have that was formed from trauma.

Speak out against abusive behavior. Don't destroy healthcare for a medical condition.

[anomalymon]

Addressing Anti-Endogenics in the Alterhuman Community

I keep seeing posts about being baffled by anti-endogenic alterhumans, but I haven't actually seen too many posts which address why being an anti-endogenic alterhuman doesn't make sense. Nor have I seen many which don't talk down to anti-endogenics or intentionally piss them off, which I think is counter-productive in this. I'm on an essay writing kick so I might as well.

This isn't to try to prove endogenic systems. There are already many who have done this. I'd recommend looking through Endogenic & Non-Traumagenic Plurality Resources by Guardians System. I don't agree with the use of sysmed, but for a link collection, it's very effective. Rather, this is to explain why there is an overlap and why some are concerned.

Because I feel this essay is important, I will be making a bulleted list first, and you can read further if you want the elaboration. I understand not everyone wants to read an over 1,500 word essay.

What is endogenic?: Endogenic for systems means being a system for a reason other than trauma - endogenic systems can still have trauma and dissociation, and the belief of cause can be literally anything including neurological, spirituality, or intentional creation. Many subcultures, some unrelated, exist under it.

System/Otherkin Historical Overlap: Plurality and kin have overlapped for over twenty years. Otherkin was used to mean nonhumans in systems, and fictive came from soulbonding which was/is a very fictionkin-dominant space.

Terminology: System is not DID only and has been used predominantly by endogenic systems since the early 90s. Most plural groups have historically shared terminology and the gatekeeping of such is very recent. This is concerningly close to paralleling what we're seeing with therianthropy gatekeeping.

Subjective Experiences: Trying to explain your subjective experiences to anti-endogenics and anti-kin are alike in being difficult and people not always being receptive to actual studies or arguments.

Similar Spirituality: Spiritual endogenic system origins are very similar to many spiritual alterhuman origins with the difference being level of separation and indiviudality between host/'type or different 'types.

Similar Experiences in Psych: Both alterhumans and endogenic systems have gaps in research and similarities with how we experience degradation from a psychological standpoint or being "insane". What is an endogenic system? This may be the most important thing to get out of the way - as I've noticed many people who are anti-endogenic don't actually know what endogenic means.

Endogenic just means a system that formed for a reason other than trauma. It doesn't say anything about having no trauma at all nor anything about dissociative experiences, and it can be anything from neurological, spiritual, intentionally created, or seemingly random odds. There are several subcultures under this umbrella - including some that don't even use endogenic or origin terminology, or ones that don't use system terminology.

Endogenic systems can have trauma later in life, they can also still have dissociative disorders from that trauma. Endogenic systems can still be diagnosed with DID.

It is a poor binary - but the reason it exists is most conversations surrounding systems have to do with trauma. Origin doesn't always matter when it comes to systems and that is a separate topic, however, it surrounds validation discussion and discourse.

The otherkin and plural communities have overlaped for over twenty years

For a long time there has been a huge overlap between otherkin and fictionkin with plurality in particular - at least for as long as both groups have been making websites and likely longer.

To highlight this the best, the overlap was to the point that "otherkin" was used for nonhuman system members in the past. Dark Personalities circa 2001 defined otherkin as "People in a multiple system who are not human. Often they are walk-ins, claiming to be older than the body in which they reside, and having physical traits very different from the body itself. Multiples are often hosts to otherkin." Source, Kinhost had an otherkin multiple FAQ since 2001 Source, and it even appeared in a list of DID terminology in 2013 Source.

On top of that, the term "fictive" originated within fictionkin-dominant soulbonding spaces. I'd recommend A Timeline of the Fictionkin Community by House of Chimeras for further reading on this.

The overlap exists in many ways in addition to what we have historically. What we deal with when it comes to certain types of discourse is simular, dealing with people against our subjective experiences has the same level of frustration, we have very similar spiritual beliefs in particular, and there are similarities with what we go through in the field of psychology.

Terminology out of the way: "but system is DID only!"

The simple answer is that it's not. I'd highly recommend reading A Brief History of the Use of "System" in Non-DID Spaces by LB-Lee on this subject, as they have been around for longer than my system has and this is a well-researched article. "System" is just a noun for a group of entities that exist in a body.

Terminology has historically been shared between both groups as they're needed. Fictive and headmate for example originated from endogenic groups while "host" seemingly cropped up multiple times independently - and terms like switching and fronting are needed because there isn't a better alternative. This didn't become an "issue" until about 2015 or so.

From a sociological standpoint however, something very similar has almost happened to the therianthropy and otherkin communities and arguably there is a similar problem already happening. There are those who claim that therian and otherkin are spiritual only and completely exclude and gatekeep psychological experiences - or cry someone with clinical lycanthropy using terms like shifting is appropriation. While they can normally be disproved, there are those who double down that this is spiritual-only. These communities are even developing their own binary - spiritual vs. psychological.

While this is a bit of a reverse to what happened with the plural community, that is a note of why these beliefs can be concerning within the alterhuman community. We are getting a bit too close for comfort to restricting and gatekeeping terminology based on a binary, and also teeter on the edge of expecting "proof" of an experience that's very hard to prove.

The nightmare of trying to explain your subjective experiences

As this is an essay for the alterhuman community, I am sure most of you reading this have encountered the scenario of trying to explain your subjective experience to some anti-kin or other group that is not having it. You can try to discuss your nonhuman experiences, cite historical and academic sources, insist with everything you have that what you're experiencing is real, but if someone is set in not believing you, it's ultimately a waste of time. The same thing applies here.

I could give you a long, detailed explanation about why we know we are a system. Many other systems would also be able to do the same thing - and many have tried. Ultimately it's up to you if you want to believe someone's subjective experiences or not - and if you don't believe it, it's up to you if you want to respect them or not.

To also claim that one is appropriating experiences is ridiculous. Are therianthropes appropriating from those with clinical lycanthropy, fictionkin appropriating from delusional misidentification, or otherlinkers appropriating from copinglinkers? There is a broad overlap and some shared terminology for convince over what can be subjectively a very similar experience - and you can't claim with certainty or in good faith that someone's experiences in and of themself are appropriating someone else.

Spiritually, you're likely very close to believing in endogenic systems

While not every otherkin, therian, or other identity inherently believes in spirituality, there is usually some coexistence or respect for others with beliefs different from you as spirituality can be a large element of the community. Most of these spiritual beliefs are already close to how spiritual endogenic systems might experience things.

Almost the exact same mechanisms which create spiritual alterhumanity is the same for spiritual systems. Various terms are already shared between spiritual alterhuman and spiritual system communities (and even non-spiritual system communities): walk-in for spiritual events and source vs. canon for fiction-based identities for example.

Additionally, several experiences are shared between these two groups. Existing in the astral plane or having experiences travelling through the astral for one. Communicating with spirits can also be a part of both - and that's where communities like soulbonding existed in tandum with fictionkin and even created the term fictive itself.

If someone believes in reincarnation and they can talk to and interact with their past selves - that is plural and can be considered an endogenic system. Same for if someone feels that their body at birth gave host to multiple souls. The difference between these experiences and polykin beliefs is just degree of individuality.

In the field of psychology, we are allies

Much of alterhumanity is arguably even less recognized by psychology. There are studies which showcase them of course, but there are also studies which showcase endogenic systems. Neither has many studies for similar reasons - we don't usually have a clinical need for help, and if we do, it can be extremely difficult to get it.

The potential for psych abuse or degradation in psychological settings exists for both of us - with how ridiculous it is to have abnormal other than human experiences, or how insane it is to be a system without fitting the DID model. The otherkin and therian communities in particular have a known saying along the lines of "If someone outside the community asks you for an interview: run" and it can be the same for endogenic systems.

Accusing others of faking their experiences only does harm to all of us. Giving our oppressors and ableists - in the sense of those who mock or degrade experiences for deeming them "insane" - an excuse to do so means they will take it and will use it to turn against others. If someone doesn't believe someone for something like being more than one entity in a physical body for any reason other than trauma, why should they believe you for identifying as nonhuman?

Conclusion

The endogenic and alterhuman communities are intertwined and respect of alterhumanity is in most of the steps the way to respecting all systems. The purpose of this essay is to get anti-endogenic alterhumans to reflect on their beliefs, and I hope that this was successful in doing that.

Others have made essays trying to argue for proof of their existence, and the sources are out there. I'd still implore you to get to know endogenic systems and remember that we are people and not just a discourse topic. Reflecting on our similarities in discourse, spirituality, ableism can help us move forward as communities.

[rising-psyche]

Jeffrey Dahmer and Borderline Personality Disorder.

{Borderline personality disorder is one of its diagnoses, a part and not the only one}.

Of all the mental diagnoses that Jeffrey Dahmer received before and even after his death, Borderline personality disorder is the one in which you see meaning in everything if you investigate what his motivations for his crimes were, as he declared. Not only that, but how his behavior appeared in his childhood and especially in his adolescence.

• What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

It is a mental disorder that is quite difficult to deal with for those who have it, characterized by emotional instability that manifests itself in all personal areas of that person. There is a hypersensitivity to everything where the bearer will always feel things around them in a greater way than others, which is why feelings and emotions are almost constantly on the surface - which makes Borderline people extremely intense.

These excesses that the disorder causes are far from being just something about the individual who has the problem, but something in which he sees himself under power to the point that his "overly emotional sense" spreads to his interpersonal relationships or the way he sees any contact with any other person where he feels the need for affection and permanence.

— The symptoms:

Extreme emotional instability

Impulsiveness

Constant insecurity

Feelings of worthlessness and self-deprecating thoughts

Negative image of yourself

Frequent fear of rejection and abandonment

Tendency to self-destructive habits such as drinking excessively, taking drugs, etc.

Strong irritability, aggressiveness when something upsets you and severe anxiety

Tendency to isolate

Need for affirmation to feel safe

If we look closely at the symptoms and how the disorder dominates the sufferer, it is easy to understand why this diagnosis is so logical in Dahmer's case. When you read about his life and what he himself said during interrogations, you see that he demonstrated all of these characteristics long before he became a murderer.

The reasons why the disorder may arise are vague to say, but generally the incentives come from the lack of family structure where the person grew up as a child, moments of maternal or paternal neglect and even witnessing the separation of parents during childhood - especially if it's a turbulent divorce like it was between Joyce and Lionel Dahmer.

And here I will explain why this can interfere with that child developing the disorder:

There is no doubt that Joyce and Lionel Dahmer were often more concerned with settling their own issues than giving the necessary attention to the effects that the problems between them could have on their children, and this was most triggered by Jeffrey. Descriptions of what he was like are typical, seen as withdrawn, shy and quiet, but his parents probably thought it was just "his way" and nothing more. Some of this may be true, some may not. Jeffrey never knew how to express himself or say at least a little about how he felt, so he expressed it in other ways. Perhaps the trigger for his mind to slowly become ill is the fact that he blamed himself for his mother's illnesses, which got worse after his birth (this is a common Borderline behavior that puts oneself in a position of "burden" and uselessness).

"Jeff's response was classic. He blamed himself for his mother's illness. He had known for as long as he could remember that she was depressed after her birth and that he had caused her illness. He must also have caused each relapse. He couldn't articulate his pain, for fear of pushing his mother over the edge again. He had to keep to himself, say little and do even less, to protect her, to keep some calm in the house. The more she saw of him, the worse it would be for her. His brother David said: '[Jeff] never learned to be open with his feelings of frustration…he went into the woods alone and cut down trees for firewood.' They could hear it banging against tree trunks from inside the house. It felt like vented anger". (The Shrine of Jeffrey Dahmer, Brian Masters)

Access to the emotion of anger was already present from an early age, but Jeffrey suffocated everything he felt for himself and we see how this continued throughout his life until, fatally, he lost control of everything.

When his mother divorced his father and left with David, even if Dahmer didn't express it at that moment when his mother asked him not to tell his father that they were leaving, it is clear that the feeling of abandonment hit him. His mother asked him to accompany them, yes, but it's fair to speculate that perhaps Jeffrey wanted her to give up and everyone to stay home.

"He was now almost eighteen, and perhaps old enough to look after himself, but it was significant that he was not consulted, and also that the Dahmers were so involved in their quarrel that they did not realize how dangerously disconnected their eldest son was now". (The Shrine of Jeffrey Dahmer, Brian Masters)

Many times, there were episodes of inattention and negligence on the part of their parents that would make an increasing difference from the beginning to the years. It's safe to say that his aversion to abandonment or at least his suspicion of it came from a solid foundation when he experienced it between his parents. When Dahmer decided to isolate himself so strongly and over time, his contained desperation for attention and some affection took on gigantic proportions and would finally become evident in a tragic way.

Dahmer's indifference during adolescence, from another angle, was just a camouflage because he refused expression. The disorder forms from adolescence to early adulthood, and here we have another characteristic point: obsessions as an occupation of the inner void. Dahmer developed his fascination with dead animal bones and had a cabin with an animal cemetery where he spent most of his hours. This can be explained as an escape, it was his first true interest and when he met him, he dedicated himself to it, worrying Lionel Dahmer who wanted his son to leave his own world instead of just experimenting with animal bodies and bones.

Another detail is how Jeffrey always used alcohol as an alternative to alleviate what he felt and didn't express it. During the period of separation, his self-destructive habit largely increased. So, he resorted to isolation and drinking as his technique to not suffer so much from the divorce.

It is surprisingly common to see this contrast in the formation of Borderline personality disorder: on one side there is a true purposeful loneliness that others may associate with "not caring" when, in reality, on the other side there is a great wound and a lot to be said. It's like a silenced scream.

"It was my way of blocking out any painful thoughts, just putting on an attitude of not caring or pretending not to care, to spare myself the pain of what was going on with the divorce. Maybe it started then. It was effective, it worked." (Dahmer in The Shrine of Jeffrey Dahmer, Brian Masters).

• Inside the crimes.

It is by emptying the mind to look at Dahmer's perspective on his actions that we can find one of the feelings that best fits this diagnosis.

Unlike someone who would kill simply for cruelty and pleasure, in his testimony, Dahmer stated that he killed because he wanted those boys to "remain." There were the morbid fantasies and again, the screaming urgency of not wanting to be alone again. He made everyone sleep with sleeping pills because according to him, that's the only way to make them stay as long as he wanted. Whenever one of them said they needed to go at that time or mentioned that they needed to go the next day, for Dahmer, it was like a threat where the desperate feeling of not being left screamed. As mentioned at the beginning of this post, one of the most latent behaviors of a Borderline is the panic of being left, abandoned. Here, of course, Jeffrey created criminal means in search of company, but if you look at the beginning and how he negatively withdrew throughout his life, in addition to dealing with dark thoughts and the prison of painful feelings, you realize how impossible it was that a good result would come out of it. He was seriously ill and no one knew either because of him or others who had investigated him before and although they did, they did not make a deeper study of his mind when Dahmer said he was "in significant psychological distress".

Even in how he kept the victims' remains because he "felt their presence like that" and didn't want to get rid of them because he "wanted to spend more time with them", there is great awareness of how a person with the disorder can be so desperate for a minimum of affection and contact that is unimaginable. Obviously Dahmer's problems were several and all complex, but the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder for Dahmer is coherent and assertive based on his speeches, history and also what, in his distorted vision, he intended when he murdered.

*****

The impulsiveness in his actions is also quite evident, since Dahmer's murders in particular were completely reckless and became sloppy. And about this lack of care that he started to have, we see how Jeffrey was someone who really had his self-esteem destroyed because everything that involved him, he didn't care what happened to him - part of it because he knew what he was doing was wrong, the distinction between right and wrong was never lacking (for this and several other reasons it is irrational to diagnose him as a psychopath, he was many things but psychopathy really doesn't fit).

It is important to highlight that the overwhelming feeling of emptiness is one of the "ghosts" of BPD, causing the individual to view his own existence as something often without purpose or meaning. It is an internal emptiness where nothing truly satisfies him, it is as if Dahmer saw no reason for anything on a daily basis because one of the things that depressed him was precisely this dense emptiness.

During school, as illustrated in the book "My Friend Dahmer", despite his shyness, it is notable how Jeffrey had long shown wanting attention and wanting to belong somewhere when he played embarrassing pranks. This is nothing more, within the Borderline spectrum, than the manifestation of a much observed feeling, which is the need for validation, belonging, to "fit in" with other people. This was his way of getting attention at the time.

Irritability always existed, but he rudely stifled his emotions and expressed them non-verbally, which would have been appropriate on several occasions. Instead, for example, hitting tree trunks with pieces of trunk was more viable.

It is a certainty that Jeffrey Dahmer was a Borderline and this can be confirmed only by evaluating the behavior, his triggers for crimes, childhood and adolescence occasions and others. This is by no means all, Dahmer had an absolutely vast psychic field and this is what makes so many people interested in him/his story.

[sadstrever]

i’m still 114lbs. i feel sick. yesterday was an awful day, i came home and had an out of body chew and spit session. i wish there was more research on this part of ed’s, or just more people who talked about it because i can’t be alone in this. i refuse to believe i’m the only sick person who does disgusting shit like this. anyways the reason why i call it an out of body experience is because it’s almost like binging-just without all the swallowing of food. i came home and immediately started doing it and filled up 1 and 1/2 2 liter bottles with food. i spent 5 hours doing this without even realizing and pretty much emptied out my whole families fridge. the guilt i felt afterwards was worse than a binge in my opinion. not only did i totally waste SO MUCH food, make a huge mess, ended up with disgusting bottles of mush in my room, i also have to face the consequences of my family coming home to an empty fridge. but when they got home they were happy that i “ate.” god i’m such a fucking piece of shit.

anyways after all that i took 4 laxatives to try and get the guilt of wasting the food out of me. i woke up in the morning today in terrible pain but still had to go to class, cuz what am i supposed to tell my parents? “yeah i haven’t eaten in almost a month and basically just threw all the food we have out in the trash and i also took 4 laxatives, can i please stay home tehe?” so i went to 1 class and ended up leaving because the pain was so excruciating. straight from class i went to the gym and somehow burnt 900 calories because i guess that’s what guilt does to me. i had to take the bus 2 hours home afterwards(bus delays and i went to a new further gym location this time), high out of my mind. i’m home now and my stomach hurts but the laxatives finally did their job. i don’t want to keep doing this. 4 years ago i said i’d recover and then i didn’t. since then i’ve forgotten about recovery (with the exception of a few random moments here and there that i block out immediately), i am so used to living in this fucking misery that i didn’t realize how abnormal my reality is. i don’t want to be a bad person anymore. but i can’t stop lol.

this is what bothers me about the girls who romanticize this disorder SO MUCH, when much of the time they haven’t realized how difficult it can become. i know i’ve done this, even now sometimes as a coping mechanism. but man, i’m sick of it.

i have a friend who writes poetry and she wrote a poem about eating disorders that make me so fucking angry. the thing is, i’ve known her for years and she’s always had the best relationship with food out of most of the people i know. she’s naturally pretty thin(not too thin but normal) and she’s very open about her struggles. i know every single one of her stories, i know she’s diagnosed with adhd. that’s HER disorder, that i don’t understand so i DONT write fucking POETRY about it. a few months ago she kind of forced me into opening up about my eating disorder. after i did, suddenly she started writing these stories about her eating disorder-very very very suspiciously similar to mine. i obviously didn’t tell her everything but i told her about how long this has been going on and just my emotions about it. seeing her start to adapt my fucking disorder into her poetry disgusted me. she glamorized the fuck out of it and made me feel so stupid for ever opening up about it. she’s naturally skinny so she got a bunch of support from our friend group from it and i’m just upset man. i’m sick of living in misery while other people can use the idea of living in pain for attention.

i promised my best friend that in 3 weeks i’ll go back to therapy and try my best to recover. it’s not true. man it’s never fucking true. it’s never fucking over. unlike ms.deep-poetry-girl i can’t just fucking write this and log off and then eat a good warm meal and talk to my parents without them mentioning my body. i can’t wake up tomorrow morning and hug them without worrying that they’re gonna feel my bones. i can’t wear shorts anymore without people noticing the bruises. i can’t go to school and keep my focus because i have nothing to feed my brain. i can’t let anyone get close because soon enough they’ll be just like YOU. OR they’ll hate me for not wanting to get better. i can’t love myself like you do because of the disgusting things i do each day. i can’t wake up thinner and suddenly stop hating myself. FUCK YOUUUUUUUU GOD IM SO SICK OF IT GOD. whatever im done. just sick and tired.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

i hate having to put hank from crash course in the ableist creators tag but his video on personality disorders was. awful. especially for AsPD. usually his content on psychological disorders are good! but this one...has so much stigma in it.

key points

"not only can personality disorders be difficult to diagnose and understand, they can also be downright scary" - direct quote before he starts talking about AsPD

"Psychopathy, and sociopathy - I'm talking like, serial killers here!"

"Probably the most established and most troubling personality disorder is AsPD" - Seriously? It's not a competition - and any disorder can be as 'troubling' as the next depending on how much it affects the person. It really comes off as fearmongering.

Perpetuates the stereotype that mostly men have AsPD without bothering to criticize the sexism apparent in the implementation and diagnosis of personality disorders, especially when it comes to cluster b (bpd and hpd being seen as 'woman disorder', aspd and npd being seen as 'man disorder')

...Comes up with this idea that people with AsPD are either jobless criminals or ruthless CEOs with no inbetween or other possible life path???

Starts on a good idea by saying antisocial =/= criminal, but then says that that's because not all criminals fit psychopathy and goes on to cite the overwhelming amount of people in incarceration who have AsPD, instead of saying "not all antisocial people are criminals because committing crimes isn't a part of the fucking criteria!"

I dont know how exactly to comment on his 'characters' that represent the personality disorders (for an engaging visual in the video) because the over-the-topness is kind of a part of the style, but the way he portrays NPD as this evil dark queen and HPD as...literally dressed like some cheap prostitute????? what the fuck!

oh what the FUCK

[pluraldeepdive]

I want to share this article archived by the wayback machine in 1997 and I believe to be written by Dr. John M. Grohol. Here is a link to the archived page. I feel like it's helpful to see a piece of history like this because, even almost THIRTY YEARS later, people are still called fake or have doubt cast on them for simply being open on the Internet about having DID or being a system!

_________________________

"The Prevalence of Multiples Online

Multiple Personality Disorder or DID Seems Prevalent Online

We see a growing number of individuals who visit our Web site and write us e-mail, as well as participate in mental health chats, that seem to have multiple personality disorder (MPD), or the disorder's newest name, dissociative identity disorder (DID). People with DID seem to be in many support rooms found online for mental health support. We even host a popular discussion forum for MPD/DID here on Mental Health Net.

So what's this all about? Is DID really that prevalent online?? Does the online world somehow draw more people with DID to it? Is DID being diagnosed more often because of more accurate tests? What's going on here??

From our experiences, it seems clear that a little bit of everything is involved in the greater numbers of people who suffer from this disorder showing up online. First is the greater knowledge and education amongst behavioral healthcare professionals about this disorder. If they know what to look for, which they are better trained to do more now than ever, they are more likely to be able to accurately diagnosed MPD/DID in individuals. This has been accomplished by greater research in this area in recent years as well as more information being trickled down to the clinicians who actually do most of the diagnosing and therapy of individuals with this disorder.

In addition to greater numbers of individuals being diagnosed with this disorder, many more of those people who get the diagnosis are coming online to find out more information and support for their problem. While there is still debate about how prevalent MPD/DID is within the general population, finding reliable and accurate epidemiological information about the disorder can often be difficult, if not downright impossible. Much of this is due to the political debate which has surrounded the diagnosis of MPD/DID in the past few years (Coons, 1989). Many misconceptions still exist and are even perpetrated by some mental health professionals. So information found online may fill some people's needs with this disorder.

But because it is a rare disorder, it also means there won't be any support groups available in their community for this problem. Like rare medical conditions and the popularity support groups for those have enjoyed online, so too are MPD/DID groups popular online. People with this disorder have found one another and can discuss issues that only other people with DID/MPD can understand and sympathize with.

Last, the symptoms of DID/MPD are such that there is often times an accompanying (and justified) social fear, out of concern of the ramifications of switching personalities when in the company of others (whether at work, at home, at a party, etc.). This fear is not nearly as powerful or present when in an online chat room or discussion forum. This is probably because such forums are devoid of many of the social cues and nonverbal communications which may encourage an emerging personality to present him or herself. It may be easier, in fact, for someone who suffers from MPD/DID to talk to others in such a forum because of the ability to remain present in a singular personality.

There is no clear reason why so many people seem to have this disorder in online chat rooms. It is likely a combination of factors which have resulted in this perception. This should be no need or cause for alarm, since individuals who have DID/MPD we've spoken to have overwhelmingly given high marks to the experiences they've had in online support rooms and forums. As more and more people come online, we will expect to find more rare mental disorders represented, especially those which have a social component which may be helped through an online modality of communications."

[ignylinn]

Harrowhark Mental Health Awareness Post

I feel a need to explain myself when I say that Harrow is not schizophreniac, but schizo spectrum coded.

I also think that assigning a diagnosis to a character can be problematic for many readers whose experience is somewhat similar, for people who have schizophrenia, and for their social circle.

I will not attempt to diagnose Harrowhark here, I want to provide observations.

Why do I know this? First, this knowledge is crucial in my line of work.

Second, as a person with MH issues, I am eager to understand myself better - to make my life better.

Do not use this text as a self-diagnostic tool. It includes names of a teeny tiny number of mental disorders, and does not include any somatic problems which camouflage as mental disorders.

So, some observations on Harrow's mental health.

What is schizo spectrum?

Schizo spectrum includes a ton of things apart from schizophrenia, like: schizoaffecive disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, schizoid personality disorder, etc. Some of these include psychotic symptoms, some do not. Some of these need medication, for some psycotherapy is the best way to go.

Schizophrenia itself is characerized by two clusters of symptoms: positive and negative.

Positive ones are the ones where you experience something you are not supposed to. Or to put it in a different way, when you have MORE of something than is healthy. These includes delusions and hallucinations.

Negative ones are the ones where you have LESS of something than is healthy. This includes low range of emotion, low or non-existent expression of emotion, executive disfunction, severe lack of motivation, etc.

Schizophrenia is most famous for its positive symptoms aka psychosis, but to be diagnosed with schizophrenia specifically, you must have symptoms from both categories.

They also must be frequent and be present for prolonged periods of time.

Some disorders from schizo spectrum are characterized by negative symptoms only.

Again, do not self-diagnose based on these descriptions. MH disorders and illnesses alter self-perception, you might miss something crucial. Or alternatively, you might severely overdiagnose yourself.

Also, never ever self-prescribe any psychoactive medication ever, especially anti-psychotics! They are very harmful when you do not need them, especially long-term.

Now, to Harrowhark

Her hallucinations are not hallucinations. She is haunted. I do not understand why she herself never thought of this explanation in the world where ghosts and revenants and posession exist, and she is kind of a specialist. Maybe it was because she was the only necro, and non-necros told her it must be hallucinations.

Or maybe being haunted by the girl from the Tomb is just so much more horrifying - maybe her parents were right. Maybe now she carries a weapon of Apocalypse within herself.

Being haunted in this case does look like a metaphor for hallucination.

Delusion is more difficult to explain, but this is basically when your mind is completely preoccupied with some illogical and disconnected ideas, often very simple in its basis. Like, you have two axiomatic thoughts which suddenly start to describe the whole universe - cats are reptiles, the sun is blue. This is basis, and it can lead to an illogical conclusion that, for example, cats are aliens, and the government alters the colour of the sun so that we do not learn that cats are aliens, and it develops and develops and develops.

Your critical thinking is dead; your psyche is overwhelmed, it goes into a recursion of building up the universe on these ideas, failing, building up again, failing, etc. I do not see anything like it in Harrow. But again, this would be very hard to read. If you read transcriptions of consultations/interviews with actively delusional people - it is hard, it is invasive, if you do it too much it starts to do things to your own psyche.

I think, out-universe convention of "let's believe Harrow is delusional" might be better for everyone, and I am willing to accept it based on TMuirs interviews.

Her obsession with the sword in HtN may very well be a loose delusion metaphor.

This is also a thing you cannot self-diagnose! If you think "maybe this is a real delusion", you are not delusional. However, if something close bothers you and meddles with your life, please pay a visit to a specialist.

As for negative symptoms - she is quite emotional, she is able to express these emotions as frequently pointed by Gideon. She is also able to apply face-paint every day - something to admire, really! Also, she wears complex ceremonial clothing frequently. She reads a lot and is able to apply what she reads - application is often difficult for schizo spectrum. The link between thinking and doing is often very weak.

What does she have? She is a very picky eater and does not react well to complex tastes - which is characterisical. She expresses like 1% of what is going on in her head. She has a very vivid, symbolic imagination and lacks either means or motivation to express it. She is averse to touch.

Also, she is paranoid. But I can't tell whether her paranoia is healthy and rational, or not. Because she lives in a dangerous environment. Might as well be a metaphor. Might be both. Most likely both.

But what about the times when she thinks she is someone else?

There is a reference about this in the book.

Well, this is most likely dissociation. This is a completely different thing from psychosis/delusion.

It is mainly a symptom of PTSD, CPTSD, and a whole bunch of dissociative disorders. It also occurs in borderline personality disorder, and maybe in some others.

Dissociation is when your brain cannot hold some overwhelming and traumatic experience, like, at all. So different parts of the experience go to different neural structures, which are then isolated from each other. Thus they can either be accessed separately and safely, or are just completely closed in some dark corner of the brain, mostly inaccessible.

Prolonged traumatic events sometimes lead to creation of isolated personality states. That's why dissociative identity disorder was previously called multiple personality disorder. According to modern classficiations, it is also a spectrum. Cases of complete memory loss when switching between personality states are rare.

So, in psychosis psyche as a whole goes SUPER WROOOM and cannot stop without outside help. In dissociation, psyche is divided into boxes with various experiences inside, and only one can be fully open at a time. It also takes a lot of energy to keep other boxes closed. You do not need meds for this specifically, but often meds are needed to alleviate some of the effects.

I would be very, very surprised if Harrowhark does not have CPTSD.

But! you can have both schizo spectrum and something dissociation-related, esp CPTSD.

Also, from dissociation perspective, the whole book is a metaphor for the process.

Harrow constantly has someone else in her brain, some neural structures she is aware of, or unaware of. She perceives them as foreign and invasive - and they are, in-universe! They are often perceived as foreign and invasive for people with these disorders.

However, if we take this as a metaphor, every character who somehow inhabited Harrow's body is a dissociated part of Harrow: Wake, Nona, Alecto and Gideon are all various aspects of Harrowhark. The book describes both the processes of dissociation and integration of these personality states/aspects.

So, Ortus know Harrow sometimes cannot read? Well, most probably she has a dissociated child part who has not yet learned to read, and this part manifests on rare occasions.

Other symptoms

Dysphoria (extreme dissatisfaction with yourself and your life, or some crucial aspects of it) AND dysmorphophobia (severe issues with body image). I will put these together, because not much can be said.

This can be indicative of basically anything from malnutrition to schizophrenia, or may be a disorder of its own.

Or it may be a symptom that your life really objectively sucks right now.

All of these might apply to Harrowhark.

How else is the book schizo-coded?

The whole imagery of the book, basically.

The imagery of caves going deep down, labyrinths, cursed doors, objects buried within a person, people being buried within objects, people being buried alive.

Drowning. Rivers, lakes and whole oceans inhabited by the hungry dead, bodies and spirits separate.

Being poisoned, being devoured. Being hunted by eldritch horrors.

These are all very typical fantasies, and also dream imagery, of people on the schizo spectrum.

This is so extremely brilliant and so spot-on that I am actually afraid to re-read HtN, because it can bring me to that altered state of mind to the point where it might severely interfere with my life. If you want to understand how it feels, how it it is lived, and to learn it from fiction, HtN is really The Book.

[system-of-a-feather]

For realsie though, I really wish I could look at the people who are diagnosed with DID and get upset at people "making it look like a fun disorder to have" with some level of sympathy or empathy, but I really honestly think that rhetoric is really honestly destructive as a means for self soothing and one I really just can't stand personally.

Like this disorder sucks ass and the reason it happened sucks ass and recovering with it sucks ass, but I don't see that rhetoric as any better than stating that "anyone who went through that could NEVER recover or live happy".

And I get where that comes from, I do, but at a certain point in trauma processing, stabilization and recovery, things start to click that trauma is over and PTSD inherently is referencing an event that has already passed. Trauma sucks. Severe chronic trauma SUCKS, but that's the past and - while its a LOT more difficult than it is to just say - that past REALLY doesn't have to define the present even a quarter as much as trauma makes it feel.

Of course, I understand and get those who feel like DID is horrible and a hell disorder - I 10000% understand that and its a valid feeling / opinion / statement to make, but to claim that it is impossible to have fun, be happy, and make casual content and just genuinely make the best out of a shit situation; or to claim that anyone with DID would be totally dysfunctional and miserable and unable to do XYZ - it's just... really self depricating and a huge negative self fulfilling prophecy don't you think? Also not to mention a LOT of projecting?

Other people don't deserve you forcing your self loathing and pain onto them. You are allowed to hate your situation, you are allowed to hate your disorder, you are allowed to feel and think and experience your experiences however you want, but a line is drawn when it comes to displacing that hatred, those feelings, those thoughts, and those experiences onto others and demand that they should meet your standards of misery.

I apologize, but I'm not going to pretend like DID stresses me out when I'm really not stressed by it anymore because most of our regular parts are actually decently connected and coordinated with one another. I'm not scared of them and they aren't scared of me. I'm not fighting them and they aren't fighting me. We got trauma but we also got, ya know, a life going and the trauma gets less and less prevalent and intrusive as time goes on so, life's honestly pretty lit and I really love to see other systems heading in that direction.

I think everyone should aim to be happy and at peace with their disorder. I don't understand, empathize, or support the idea that someone had to meet a standard of misery to be "real".

(TW: suicidal ideation and physical abuse mention)

If I take medication that makes it so I don't scrub my hands raw and have panic attacks over having not eaten a salad "recently" thus meaning I am going to rot from the inside out and die, does that mean I am faking having OCD? If I take medication and improve my life so that I only pluck my hair once a month, is my Trichitillomania faked? If I stop having suicidal ideation, does that mean I was faking being suicidal the whole time? If I stop having bruises, does that mean I faked being beaten as a kid?

(TW cleared)

Recovery and peace should and does not ever invalidate the truth of the pain suffered and the struggle overcome. Happiness and joy can co-exist with the truth of hurt, pain and suffering.

Trying to hold the two as mutually exclusive is a huge part of why a lot of people get stuck being miserable. If misery is vital for honoring your pain as real, it is very hard to let that go and let yourself be happy again, because if you are happy, what will attest to give your pain justice? But pain, justice, misery, and happiness - they can all co-exist and honestly, that's a really important thing to learn and understand in my healing journey as it really opens up doors to letting trauma go.

Your pain doesn't define your truth.

Your truth is your truth.

It will stay true regardless of if the pain persists or leaves.

[lucid-daydreaming-art]

intro post whoopee!!!

hi guys im lucid :D you can also call me daylin i don’t really care but i may be like woah how do you know my name (i will forget about making this post 2 seconds after posting it) also I AM AN ADULT im 22 and i do not use pronouns just use my name pleaseeeeeee if you have a disability that makes words hard to process i understand if that’s difficult you can just use they/them instead

first off just getting this out there if youre proship, zoo, pedo, incest supporter, endo system supporter, any kind of discriminatory against protected minority groups, and anti-otherkin, shoo. dont want you here youre not welcome. bye bye my content isnt for you.

immmmm an infp-t 4w5 sanguine-melancholic existential-intrapersonal-visual learner seer of heart prospit dreamer true neutral rogue shifter airbender and dragon type trainer for all you personality label freaks

i like to DRAW!!!!! this is an art blog!!!! i will only post art here, all of my reblogs will be on @trickstergemini save for the posts my close friends make that i want to support here. sometimes i will post just text but thats only if i really need to let you guys known something or im answering a question

my commissions are OPEN!!!!!!!! dm me for commission info im too lazy and busy to make a sheet

if my requests are closed that means theyre closed dont ask me to draw shit please and thank you

im AUTISTIC i am on that mf spectrum been diagnosed since i was three. for me this means im not naturally fluent in social norms or what’s expected from an interaction or how to read others very well. i also have heavy special interests and find it really hard to turn the conversation away from something im fixating on or specially interested in. i also have extremeeeee sensory issues and a hard time being completely flexible when im comfortable in a routine so just be patient with me man adjustments are hard for me. my empathy is also extremely low and im a really really high masking person so if i come off as well versed or allistic just know that i either took a million years to format the right way to say things or i am entirely going off a predetermined script and will fumble if caught off guard. other important stuff ive got adhd bpd cptsd and major depressive disorder which all those combined makes me really flaky when it comes to responding or follow through. i may not reply to you for like 500 years or maybe i will be gods speediest most motivated soldier. just don’t expect me to be a readily available fully capable robot ok?? ok.

i am one half of @ask-kas-n-lamp the other half is some guy i don’t know he just hacked himself into the account and now i have to deal with him. the blog is no longer running though i apologize. we got burnt out from the shitty fans

in all seriousness mod dum, aka @unoriginal-and-dumb or unodum or unoriginal or whatever u know him by, thats my qpp thats my platonic soulmate my bestest friend my number one crate my brain cyst the doctor has to surgically remove from me my parasocial relationship my stalker my servant i keep locked up in my basement and i feed him cement and staples for every meal and for dessert maybe he gets rust shavings. he will be featured in my art like a lot or in my comments and reblogs and i will also be present in his stuff sometimes. if have drawn kasper it is his design, that design is not made by me its made by him sooo you should check him out and support him if you like that style or how about instead we get a mass unfollowing going there and you all come to my page and i exclusively will draw his design of kasper and get all the credit lets do that instead

uuueeehhhmmm my special interests are pokemon, homestuck, geography, taxonomy, my ocs, and personality psychology. i guess i also am specially interested in dragons because i like and think about them more than all of the above and have to incorporate them into everything but its less of an ill infodump to you interest and more of an i want to be surrounded by this thing because it brings me extreme comfort because it feels like me.

i am otherkin im a dragon and i look like this:

i will also represent myself like this if im feeling it:

yes i know i am not actually a physical dragon and im not a spiritual kinner i kin for identity purposes and the fact that i feel some pretty intense crippling species dysphoria idk ive been like this since i was 5 i don’t really have memories of my life where i wasnt experiencing animalistic behaviors and instincts

my favorite music artists are s3rl twenty øne piløts onerepublic imagine dragons of monsters and men thefatrat glass animals ajr queen nine inch nails and muse my favorite medias are httyd movies pokemon homestuck regretevator invader zim our flag means death infinity train gravity falls rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead doctor who my little pony fim dont starve and the mcelroy brothers content

heres some more characters i represent myself as:

ok BYE

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi mbti-notes, I don’t know what to do about my long time friend, so I reach out to you for help. Your insights are always spot on and I want to thank you for this blog, I’ve learned a lot thanks to you. I’m xnfj, my friend is infp and likely autistic, we’re both 27.

She is really sweet, but I feel confused. The thing is that she doesn’t greet my family or people in general. When we were younger, it felt so surreal that I didn’t know how to react – so I ignored it even if it made me feel terrible. Later I asked her multiple times to greet at least my family members, as it makes me feel weird, she started greeting but only sometimes.

Not only she won’t greet first, but even when someone greets her, she won’t reply, which feels extremely inappropriate, especially when it is my family. It happens all the time when we go places, she won’t greet the host, etc. When I asked her why, she said it costs her too much energy to say hello.

Recently, me and my parent ran into her twice on the street. One time I think she was pretending not to see us, the other time she said hi only to me and quite literally ran away. (Yet I know that saying hi is not such an issue for her when it comes to people she likes, that’s when shouts hello even from across the street, which makes me feel twice as offended – to see this extreme difference of behavior towards some people that oftentimes she barely knows.) Then she acts as if nothing happened. Anytime I touch the topic, she denies it, explains it etc. and doesn’t understand that her behavior affects others – or she just doesn’t care.

I understand that with autism greeting can be difficult, but it doesn’t work for me – also when I made it clear that it makes me really uncomfortable. I feel like I have accommodated a lot of her issues out of friendship, so I am taken aback to see it is one-sided. I really wish we could continue being friends but I can’t imagine hanging out with her without feeling angry deep down.

And even if she started to greet, I would feel like it is forced and insincere. So my question is, what do I do? I am so confused and full of conflicting feelings. Break up? Distance? Explain myself? Or not? If you have any insight, I will really appreciate it. It’s been a month that I haven’t talked to her as I literally don’t know what to say or do. Thank you so much in advance and wish you a pleasant weekend!

----------------------

You say you understand that it "can be difficult" for her but it doesn't sound like you actually do understand. You might feel bad to hear that, but this is not about assigning blame. I'm attempting to pinpoint the source of the problem in order to discover the best solution. As far as I can tell, there are two aspects to this problem:

Problem #1: Lack of Understanding

When someone's psychology is very different from yours, it's going to be very difficult for you to understand each other, because the other person's experience is simply too alien to "make sense" to you. I always say: Just because it doesn't make sense to you, doesn't mean there's no sense to be found. This huge gap in understanding is not an insurmountable problem, but it is a significant challenge to grapple with. It requires you to push your empathy skills to the max.

Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a neurological and developmental disorder. "Neurological" means that a person's brain is literally wired differently than the average neurotypical person, which is why we use the term neurodivergent to indicate the difference. "Developmental" means that typical psychological development is somehow interrupted, so autistic people will exhibit some deficiencies in information processing and difficulties with everyday functioning.

Perhaps an analogy can make it more clear: Imagine that a friend was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy and was gradually losing muscle mass and control of their lower body. Even though they can still walk, they need a wheelchair most of the time because it quickly becomes painful to use their back and legs. Would you say to them, "Hey, I'm throwing a big party and since you can walk, I hope you will stand up and greet every person properly when they arrive at the door, otherwise they'll think you're rude and I'll feel uncomfortable and embarrassed by you"? I hope you would never dream of placing such a demand on someone with a physical disability.

A neurological and developmental disorder is not as visible as a physical disability, but it is just as real and can be just as painful. There are certain kinds of information that autistic people simply cannot process very quickly or at all, which means that their mind can easily get overwhelmed by sensory/information overload.

Unfortunately, being different from the norm, whether physically or psychologically, presents a lot of challenges in life. Since you've never had to deal with the kinds of challenges your friend faces, it might be hard for you to understand just how difficult it is to live in a world that not only doesn't accommodate you but actively pressures you to erase yourself. You are very lucky to have the ability to learn and adapt well in social situations. Please recognize that not everyone is equally endowed with this ability at birth.

New situations, by definition, present more unknowns, which makes them more unpredictable. Meeting someone new, in an unexpected time or place, means there's a lot more information to process and keep track of. In the best case scenario, an autistic person can push themselves through a new social situation with certain coping strategies, but it will exhaust them and perhaps ruin their day. In the worst case scenario, they will get overloaded and experience a mental breakdown, which would not only be deeply embarrassing at that moment but could damage their self-esteem in the long term if it happens again and again.

Since there is a lot less information processing to do when interacting with known people in predictable situations, it is quite logical for autistic people to prefer familiar social contexts. If they can feel comfortable, relaxed, and prepared enough, they might even be able to get energized and feel some joy in socializing, which could be a rare occurrence for them. It's possible that you have seriously misunderstood your friend's motivations.

Problem #2: Unreasonable Expectations

You fear the relationship is "one-sided", but that would only be true if the other person were actually quite capable of doing what you requested of them yet still chose not to. She's been trying to tell you that she isn't capable but you don't want to believe it. It seems you are viewing ASD as a psychological problem of "bad choices" or a personal "character flaw", since you still judge her by your own neurotypical standards. If you truly understood ASD, you would see how unreasonable and unfair it is to expect your friend to be like you.

Having unreasonable expectations means you are the primary source of the conflict. The discomfort and embarrassment you feel is yours, generated by you, which means they are your responsibility, and you need to learn to handle them better. Other people bear no responsibility for your feelings unless they have gone out of their way to make you feel a certain way. Is your friend purposely trying to inconvenience you or embarrass you? If not, why do you respond as though being personally attacked? Being NFJ, it's likely that Fe and Ni are playing a significant role in your negative reaction to the existence of someone who doesn't meet your expectations.

For example, due to Fe, it isn't uncommon for FJs to:

believe that similarity/commonality is the backbone of successful relationships, which leads to low tolerance for difference and even approaching differences with skepticism or contempt

believe that "successful" socializing involves everyone following the same social rules and customs, which means feelings of discomfort, embarrassment, or shame are easily triggered in social situations that stray outside the norm

believe that there is something "off" or morally "deviant" about people who don't follow social rules and customs, which leads to boundary violating behaviors that try to change, eliminate, or punish such differences

believe that individuals should downplay, even deny, the things that make them different for the sake of everyone else's comfort

For example, due to Ni, it isn't uncommon for NFJs to:

get stuck with one very narrow point-of-view, which leads to being too close-minded to see, let alone accept individual differences

hold themselves to high standards, which easily morph into unreasonable expectations of others

believe that they know what is "better"/"best" and try to remake the world to match their idealistic (read: unrealistic) vision

Every personality type has its set of common flaws, so it is likely that you have exhibited the above personality flaws unless you've undertaken some serious type development. If these flaws get in the way of your relationships, then you have a choice to make: i) Are you going to address the flaws, which would make you a much more open-minded, adaptable, and compassionate person in all your relationships? Or ii) are you going to decide that it's not worth changing for this one person and that it would be easier to only make friends with neurotypical people from now on?

Your question is about "what to do" in this situation. It's not my place to tell people what to do. I can help you understand the problem and even get to the bottom of it, but the solution should be chosen by you, based on what you believe is best for you.

[aspd-culture]

i’m kind of confused as another system, ik you said you might just delete asks but i hope this is okay bc i’m genuinely trying to understand your point and sincerely confused and asking for clarification

i see your point about neurological disorders being hardware and stuff but at the same time like. i’m autistic and i was diagnosed with autism because i display autistic symptoms. one of my alters displays no autistic symptoms and would not be diagnosed with autism if he individually was tested. so how does it make sense to say he’s autistic?

in the same vein one of my alters displays all the symptoms for dpd and was diagnosed with it when he was out while being tested, but i display none of them and don’t relate to it at all. how does it make sense to say i have dpd?

we share the same brain yes but if one of us shows and relates to no symptoms of a disorder then imo it doesn’t track at all to say we still have it because the host or brain or other alters do. same vein as i’m anorexic but if another alter comes out and has zero issue with eating or the concept of food it wouldn’t make sense to call them anorexic, but it doesn’t make me less anorexic

This one was in the drafts. I really don’t want to get into this again, but I think it’s only fair to post it as I had taken the time to write this anon and answer so I don’t feel I can say “this is too much for me to deal with” when all I need to do is format it and hit post. As mentioned previously, I will ignore or delete asks if they only pertain to this discourse (unrelated in any other way to ASPD) at my discretion. I pretty much never have had to do that, just a couple ableist people telling me how terrible pwASPD are. I don’t intent to do it often, and don’t want to do it at all, but I won’t drain myself to continue explaining why alters inside the same body cannot physically alter the structure of the brain by switching out.

Not displaying symptoms is different than not having them. A symptom holder is an alter who shows the most symptoms of the disorder, generally because they end up pushed to the front in situations that flare the disorder. But the symptoms are not occurring because that alter is out, that alter is out because those symptoms are occurring and that alter knows best how to handle them.

Just like an alter who fronts during a certain kind of abuse every time it happens is not the only one *being* abused, the whole system is, an alter who takes on the symptoms of a neurological condition is not the only one who has it.

Beyond that, it's difficult to notice internally whether symptoms of neurological disorders disorders are present. Most people making this declaration that their alter doesn’t have the disorder are going off the concept that they perceive an alter to not have symptoms of the disorder, ignoring that before getting diagnosed, they likely also believed they had no symptoms of that disorder, at least for a time, or even worse, that the alter shows symptoms, but not enough to qualify for a diagnosis. That diagnosis is not individual, it is related to every alter using the brain. Showing different symptoms of a neurological disorder at different times is completely typical and does not mean you don’t have it, because different situations stimulate different parts of the brain and thus based on the situation the person will be affected differently by that disorder that they very much still have. If anyone on the opposite side of this discourse happens to have a good professional who knows about their system and their neurodivergence, try and ask them if you stop being autistic just because you switched and now aren’t noticing symptoms.

If you look into autism, you'll find it is literally a difference in the brain (neurodivergence). At the end of the day, symptoms or not, if you use an autistic brain, you are autistic, because autism is not actually a set of symptoms. Autism is a difference in the brain that we notice and diagnose using symptoms. Hence why it is a spectrum where two autistic people can literally have entirely different symptoms with no overlap. The same goes for any neurological difference - it is *not* a set of symptoms, we use those symptoms to recognize and identify the difference in their brain.

Anorexia, however, is not always neurological. I think it can be, but it is also sometimes a body image issue or a trauma issue, etc. So yes, some alters can be anorexic while others are not.

Let me say it another way and see if this helps make sense of it. If a system gets accommodations in school like longer test taking or more time to turn in homework, does the teacher have the responsibility to remove those and ignore the IEP or 504 plan because said alter shows few enough symptoms that they wouldn’t be considered to have that disorder alone? Or are those disability accommodations legally protected at all times regardless of who is out?

Should a system that has work accommodations for a disorder lose those if another alter is out? Should your boss be able to, if you have accommodations that say for example that you have more leeway on being late to work, be allowed to ask you who was out and punish you like they would a fully neurologically abled person if it was an alter capable of getting there on time?

Or if the body of a system has,a degenerative brain disease, and an alter who shows less symptoms of it were to end up frontstuck, should they stop taking their medication? Or do they still have a disease affecting the brain that they need to keep treating regardless of who is out? The same goes for Autism, ASPD, ADHD, any disorder that affects the physical function of the brain since they all have the same one.

And if you think they should stop taking meds or lose legal rights to accommodations, where’s the line? Who gets to say if the alter is symptomatic enough? It would be so messy and confusing if those things were allowed because they make no sense. Same brain = same neurology = same neurological disorders.

It's getting frustrating repeating myself here over and over, which is the point of me saying I may delete asks about this specific discourse if I don’t have the spoons for it.

Plain text below the cut:

This one was in the drafts. I really don’t want to get into this again, but I think it’s only fair to post it as I had taken the time to write this anon and answer so I don’t feel I can say “this is too much for me to deal with” when all I need to do is format it and hit post. As mentioned previously, I will ignore or delete asks if they only pertain to this discourse (unrelated in any other way to ASPD) at my discretion. I pretty much never have had to do that, just a couple ableist people telling me how terrible pwASPD are. I don’t intent to do it often, and don’t want to do it at all, but I won’t drain myself to continue explaining why alters inside the same body cannot physically alter the structure of the brain by switching out.

Not displaying symptoms is different than not having them. A symptom holder is an alter who shows the most symptoms of the disorder, generally because they end up pushed to the front in situations that flare the disorder. But the symptoms are not occurring because that alter is out, that alter is out because those symptoms are occurring and that alter knows best how to handle them.

Just like an alter who fronts during a certain kind of abuse every time it happens is not the only one *being* abused, the whole system is, an alter who takes on the symptoms of a neurological condition is not the only one who has it.

Beyond that, it's difficult to notice internally whether symptoms of neurological disorders disorders are present. Most people making this declaration that their alter doesn’t have the disorder are going off the concept that they perceive an alter to not have symptoms of the disorder, ignoring that before getting diagnosed, they likely also believed they had no symptoms of that disorder, at least for a time, or even worse, that the alter shows symptoms, but not enough to qualify for a diagnosis. That diagnosis is not individual, it is related to every alter using the brain. Showing different symptoms of a neurological disorder at different times is completely typical and does not mean you don’t have it, because different situations stimulate different parts of the brain and thus based on the situation the person will be affected differently by that disorder that they very much still have. If anyone on the opposite side of this discourse happens to have a good professional who knows about their system and their neurodivergence, try and ask them if you stop being autistic just because you switched and now aren’t noticing symptoms.

If you look into autism, you'll find it is literally a difference in the brain (neurodivergence). At the end of the day, symptoms or not, if you use an autistic brain, you are autistic, because autism is not actually a set of symptoms. Autism is a difference in the brain that we notice and diagnose using symptoms. Hence why it is a spectrum where two autistic people can literally have entirely different symptoms with no overlap. The same goes for any neurological difference - it is *not* a set of symptoms, we use those symptoms to recognize and identify the difference in their brain.

Anorexia, however, is not always neurological. I think it can be, but it is also sometimes a body image issue or a trauma issue, etc. So yes, some alters can be anorexic while others are not.

Let me say it another way and see if this helps make sense of it. If a system gets accommodations in school like longer test taking or more time to turn in homework, does the teacher have the responsibility to remove those and ignore the IEP or 504 plan because said alter shows few enough symptoms that they wouldn’t be considered to have that disorder alone? Or are those disability accommodations legally protected at all times regardless of who is out?

Should a system that has work accommodations for a disorder lose those if another alter is out? Should your boss be able to, if you have accommodations that say for example that you have more leeway on being late to work, be allowed to ask you who was out and punish you like they would a fully neurologically abled person if it was an alter capable of getting there on time?

Or if the body of a system has,a degenerative brain disease, and an alter who shows less symptoms of it were to end up frontstuck, should they stop taking their medication? Or do they still have a disease affecting the brain that they need to keep treating regardless of who is out? The same goes for Autism, ASPD, ADHD, any disorder that affects the physical function of the brain since they all have the same one.

And if you think they should stop taking meds or lose legal rights to accommodations, where’s the line? Who gets to say if the alter is symptomatic enough? It would be so messy and confusing if those things were allowed because they make no sense. Same brain = same neurology = same neurological disorders.

It's getting frustrating repeating myself here over and over, which is the point of me saying I may delete asks about this specific discourse if I don’t have the spoons for it.

[sophieinwonderland]

Imitated DID 2 - Hysterical Boogaloo

We're diving back in from where we left off last time. Now with the "hysterical" group.

There is actually a certain level of logic to part of this.

I don't diagnose people with disorders. But when talking about plurality with questioning systems, I find it much more useful to ask about their internal experiences and hear them described in their own words.

Especially because a lot of medical jargon and even plural community terms kind of suck for describing these type of experiences. If someone isn't describing things in their own words, I can understand feeling like they might be faking. But that doesn't mean they are.

Comorbid Mental Illnesses can affect communication: We have ASD. If you've noticed, we tend to use jargon and big words a lot. I often make up my own jargon too because much of what I see from psychiatry is inadequate. (I could go on long rants about how meaningless the word "dissociation" is.)

The issue is that a lot of people with ASD or other disorders might behave like this. We might use clinical words if we've studied them. I'd like to think We would have the presence of mind to not reply to a psychiatrist asking "what do you mean by amnesia" by explaining whether our amnesia is retrograde or anterograde, but I could easily imagine someone else doing that.

Some people also have personality types where they might be seeking respect, and trying to impress a psychiatrist with their knowledge of academic terms.

Perhaps what appears to not be genuine is just another condition that makes people communicate in ways a neurotypical wouldn't be expected to.

This also goes for other behavior that appears non-genuine. Maybe someone presenting more overt presentation just doesn't have a filter or social awareness.

(Also, amnesia isn't even professional jargon. It's used all the time by lay people.)

Again, most people with DID stated they would miss the voices of their alters: Like I said in the last post, 69% of DID voice hearers said they would miss their alters' voices if they were gone.

The feeling of "I won't let anybody take them away from me!" isn't uncommon. They're in the MAJORITY. Maybe expressing these feelings aloud is uncommon. But that just makes me further suspect influence from comorbid disorders that make it difficult to tell what's socially acceptable.

Another possibility is someone mentions their full trauma history and talks about their conditions as a test of sorts. They've learned to expect rejection, and want to be upfront about everything so that if they scare someone away, it will be right at the beginning of the relationship.

It's so important to account for different behaviors in different people, and different illnesses and conditions that can influence those behaviors.

WHAT?!

She couldn't handle Lucille, who always got her own way. Lucille is convinced that her mother physically and sexually abused her.

There are many ways to write this that wouldn't involve portraying the mother as a victim of a little girl.

It's stated as an objective fact that Lucille's mother "couldn't handle Lucille," suggesting Lucille was always the problem. Meanwhile, "Lucille is convinced" her mother abused her. It's not even neutral language, like she "reported" or "described" it. She's "convinced."

I'm absolutely appalled.

Also, it feels a little gross for the doctors to describe their patient as "attractive" and with a "seductive presentation." I'm not the only one feeling that, right?

So she essentially did report amnesia. It just sounds like she didn't understand what amnesia was or was in denial, and clinicians should have questioned further.

Surely, if she were trying to manipulate the clinicians, she'd have claimed to amnesia, right? Since amnesia is part of the criteria?

Like with the "borderline" group from before, she had DPDR.

So she recognized similarity in her own experiences with DID systems AND an independent clinician confirmed her DID.

But this is what they're using as evidence against her. That she heard about it first and then identified with it. But that's often how people learn about their disorders. Sure, sometimes it can be wrong. But it shouldn't be treated as evidence against somebody as it is here.

Quick reminder that she started to hurt herself in group treatment.

Why would you suggest she go without therapy? Supposedly it worked out if we trust the clinicians' report. But I'm not so certain I do. I doubt they'd say "we told her to take a hike and then she was worse off than when we left her."

Now, the actual section focused on Lucille isn't the last time we'll hear about her, so let's skip ahead a bit.

This adds a bit more context to the earlier wording of her being "convinced" her mother abused her.

But the implications are a bit more terrifying to me. What was left out of this case study?

Lucille comes in experiencing chronic symptoms of DP/DR. She believes her mother abused her. The clinicians here seem to take the side of the mother in a peculiar way, describing Lucille's mother as "being unable to handle" the little girl.

After leaving therapy and coming back for a follow up, Lucille is saying, uncertainly, that the abuse she endured might not have happened.

Did the clinicians, as authority figures, also try to convince Lucille that her memories of abuse were false?

This feels extremely gaslighty to me.

This is actually a good practice. And is a huge problem I have with the anti-endo ideology is that it often encourages people to look for trauma to confirm systemhood. If you tell someone who is a system they need trauma to be a system, there is a real concern of them trying to fit themselves into that box.

But is the implication that Lucille fabricated her trauma after seeking treatment for DID, and never believed it prior? If so, that feels like an incredibly relevant detail to omit from your case study.

So their opinion, ultimately, is that these cases of "imitated DID" are fabricating trauma memories.

Essentially, this paper is advocating for False Memory Syndrome.

And worse, they admit there's no way to reliably assess suggestibility in these patients, since the authors claim the suggestibility is selective and the scale useless.

It comes down to the individual clinicians with their individual biases to determine who is or isn't an actual trauma survivor.

What is all of this REALLY about?

Now we get to the real point

While other parts of the paper pay lip service to helping patients, a large amount of it is focused on addressing malpractice complaints.

Here is some interesting wording. Shouldn't the interests of the patients be the priority of therapy?

I understand the intent behind this. But the wording presents an adversarial relationship between clinicians and hostile patients where clinicians are meant to act as judges and authority figures, and acting in the interests of the patients is "collusion."

Ideally, even if a patient were faking DID, giving them a more correct diagnosis would still be working in the best interests of the patients, right? At no point should acting in the patient's interest be presented as a bad thing as it is here.

Patients suing therapists over believed-malpractice are presented as seeking "attention and gratification."

I'd agree that it would be interesting to know what groups the suing patients fall into. But there would need to be a better way to make such an assessment.

Because if you're going to have cases like Sandra's, mentioned in the last post, where clinicians are forming biases based on her life history of self-medication with drugs and having an older boyfriend before they even observe her, this method isn't effective.

What would be really interesting to me is, if Sandra or Lucille had gone to another clinic, would the other clinics have judged their DID as being imitated? Or is this solely a result of the biases of these clinicians?

In contrast, would those clinics have judged other patients that this clinic said had "genuine" DID of having imitated DID.

Is there even the slightest bit of credence to this concept? Can it be consistently applied or is this just the opinions of one clinic being treated as gospel?

The goal of the whole paper is pushing False Memory Syndrome in a way that pushes responsibility from clinicians onto patients.

Over 20 years later, and this hypothesis is still groundless. Not just the hypothesis that those responsible for lawsuits are imitated DID cases, but even that second opinions could confirm their own case studies as being imitated DID.

This paper that started the "imitated DID" myth, the paper that led to the controversial McLean video, is based on nothing.

It was motivated not with the goal of helping patients with DID nor helping the patients they accuse of imitating DID, but by the self-interest of clinicians trying to protect themselves from malpractice complaints of patients they treat as hostile and adversarial.

[yourbrainonbraindrugs]

The Bipolar Brain: An Introduction

Key Terms Bipolar: Previously called 'manic-depression' due to the nature of the mania being rooted in depression, this mood disorder is characterized by periods of mood shifts between a manic and depressed state. Depression: A period of rest after deeply distressing events Dopamine: A brain chemical meant to encourage pleasure, satisfaction, and motivation. Grey matter: Also known as the cortex of the brain, this is the outer layer of the brain allows a person to have control over movement, memory, and emotions by sending signals between the different parts of the brain. Hippocampus: The part of the brain where memories are "stored" to later be relayed to other parts of the brain, consciously or not. It is one of the deepest parts of the brain structure, making signals difficult to send or receive. *Hypomania: A form of mania that is less severe or impactful than true mania. Limbic system: Processes emotions and behaviors to help other parts of the brain understand survival necessities. *Mania: A false sense of euphoria, triggered by stress Prefrontal Cortex: The part of the brain at the front center, which controls decision making, emotional management, and impulse control. Type 1 Bipolar: Characterized by mania that is more intense and/or frequent than depression. Type 2 Bipolar: Characterized by depression that is more intense and/or frequent than hypomania; type 2 bipolar people do not experience "true mania".

*For the sake of this post, "mania" will refer to both hypomania and true mania. When the information only applies to true mania, it will be called "true mania".

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Part One: Introduction

We will be exploring the development, behavior, and remission of bipolar brains, using information learned from neuroscience, psychology, and lived experiences of bipolar people. The purpose of this is to inform those with Bipolar how to understand their own brain and take control of the disorder. This post is written by someone diagnosed with Bipolar 2, receiving treatment in the form of medication and talk therapy.

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Part Two: Development

This mood disorder usually develops in childhood, but can develop at any point in a person's life. It is caused by trauma, as a response to stress. Most bipolar people also have family with the disorder, implying it is genetically predisposed.

In childhood, this disorder can begin to show symptoms as early as early adolescence. Children as young as 5 have been diagnosed with early onset bipolar disorder.

After traumatic events, such as abuse, neglect, or loss, the brain is forced to find a way to cope and manage complex stress. Trauma can range from mild to severe, and still trigger the onset of bipolar disorder.

During depression, the brain "mines" for dopamine, and during mania, the brain utilizes the dopamine. Over time, without treatment, the bipolar brain will struggle to maintain an effective dopamine-mining system, and these changes will even destroy grey matter in the brain, namely in the prefrontal cortex. This change in the brain makes it more difficult for the prefrontal cortex to communicate with the limbic system, causing less control over emotions and impulses, therefore causing more reckless decisions to be made.

Due to the nature of the relationship between the prefrontal cortex and the limbic system, these two parts of the brain need strong communication. With limited grey matter, signals are weakened, or missed completely.

The hippocampus is a major part of the limbic system, and without a proper connection to send signals between the hippocampus and the prefrontal cortex, it only becomes more difficult to recall past experiences or learned skills.

The longer a bipolar person goes without treatment, the worse their stress, and the worse they respond to stress. This disorder is degenerative, and those with Type 1 Bipolar show the most loss of grey matter.

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Part Three: Behavior

Like a pendulum, bipolar brains swing between manic and depressive sensations and behaviors. Here are some characteristics of mood swings:

When depressed, the bipolar person attempts to "fill the void", also known as "dopamine mining". This behavior accumulates dopamine over time but does not release it. This can look like sleeping a lot, escaping into a piece of media, or fixating on an accessible hobby.

During manic swings, the bipolar person uses the dopamine accumulated during depression to compensate for the time lost and labor neglected during depression. This may look like addressing the issue directly in hyper-fixation, or avoiding the issue altogether to indulge in self-pleasure.

Episodes are different than swings. Episodes can be placed on a specific timeframe, sometimes down to the hour. Behaviors are impulsive, emotions are overwhelming, and the decisions made during episodes reflect this heavily. Below are some characteristics of a Bipolar episode, based on type of episode.

In depressive episodes, the bipolar person will display their usual depressive behaviors at a more intense, more frequent rate, and will quickly begin taking on self-destructive behaviors in an effort to punish the self for failing to meet manic expectations. Essentially, the body has gotten used to using depression to recover, and if results are not met, the body "doubles down" as a means to "force" results, in an effort to trigger mania.

Manic episodes are intense highs, often causing changes to the bipolar person's life that normally wouldn't be considered, let alone acted on. There is a false sense of euphoria that controls the impulses and emotions of the bipolar person, causing a disconnect from reality that can lead to delusions and the development of compulsive thoughts or behaviors that enable more poor stress management skills, such as overspending or reckless sexual activity.

Mixed episodes can sometimes be the introduction or ending to a manic or depressive episode, but can also happen alone. The depression attempts to self-destruct while the mania's euphoria makes those behaviors seem euphoric and desirable. These episodes are often painful and typically short-lived compared to the other two, but not necessarily so.

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Part Four: Remission

There is a number of ways to treat bipolar brains, though medications and talk therapy, namely CBT and DBT, are the most commonly recommended. Some bipolar brains are medication resistant, so diligent habit seeking and a strong relationship with a therapist may be the best help. Below is an incomplete list of potential treatments, and why they work.

Medication can alter the chemical changes in the brain which trigger swings and episodes. Medication will not heal the brain, it will only control it while properly using the artificial chemicals. Medication plans must be specified to the patient, so trial and error is a necessary process for disordered medicated brains.

Talk therapy flexes the grey matter, and the grey matter may even be recovered in these thought exercises and memory training sessions. These changes are more likely to have a lasting impact, so long as the new habits and beliefs remain.

Diligent habit seeking, centered around self-care and growth, will help a bipolar brain take control of how they treat their stress. While swings may be unavoidable, building a set of healthy habits can alter the way these swings are 'engaged with', meaning behaviors can change. This can be a difficult form of treatment for bipolar people, as the disorder does not consistently provide motivation for habit changes. With a healthy outlook on relapses, this issue is resolved, and habit-seeking can continue even with relapses present.

Healthy coping mechanisms to replace mania are great ways to prevent manic episodes and swings, which will in turn prevent the 'need' for a depressive swing (to recover from manic burnout). These coping mechanisms can look different for each person, but no matter what, these mechanisms must be focused on growth - not escapism, passivity, or indulgence, which are manic behaviors that have been individualized.

Remission looks different for everyone, but no matter what, bipolar is a lifelong disorder. This means that even after years of successful treatment, with no swings or episodes, this disorder is almost guaranteed to make a comeback during high stress situations like abuse or loss. Anyone who has been diagnosed with bipolar should expect to keep their coping mechanisms going for life, and adjusting the mechanisms according to the needs of the changes in their life. There are a few things remission can grant a person, such as:

The ability to work on projects and tasks irregardless of current mood

Motivation to socialize even when the body seeks isolation, making relationships stronger and more consistent

A lack of shame for the disorder or what it has put you through, making stress management less about the desired results and more about the desired process

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Part Five: Conclusions

There is no known cure for bipolar disorder, but those with bipolar can take control of their circumstances in small but life changing ways. The bipolar brain is simply trying to thrive even in stressful circumstances, and has only learned one biochemical pattern to do so. Treatment is all about re-training the brain's response to stress. Those who have bipolar must stop identifying with their bipolar to effectively treat it, meaning they cannot embrace their mania as 'the best version of themselves' nor the other way around with their depression. These are not personality traits, because this is not a personality disorder; these are conditions the brain is currently in.

People with bipolar disorder are not to be ashamed of themselves for what they've done to cope during depressive swings or episodes. Shame is often what maintains the cycle, as this is a major driving force of impulsive behavior. The guilt, shame, and self-loathing of a bipolar person will hold them back from developing better ways to manage stress. With an effective, individualized treatment plan, bipolar people can find themselves in remission, but should expect and accept relapse if a major stress is to occur. This is not because the treatment isn't working anymore, but because this is how the brain has developed to respond to stress, and until we find a cure, bipolar brains are to be respected as brains attempting to thrive in unforeseen circumstances - a worthy pursuit that any self-loving person would take on.

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Additional notes:

Comorbidity with other mental conditions can cause symptoms to be more intense or more frequent. This includes conditions like PTSD, personality disorders or autism.

Many bipolar people seem to believe that their mania "helps them" - with things like getting projects and tasks done, or socializing. This is false. Mania is what uses the energy accumulated during depression to delude the bipolar person into thinking that the only way for them to get these things done is to indulge in manic behavior. Essentially, the bipolar person is the one helping themselves get their projects and tasks done, and mania is "taking the credit".

If you have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, you have a strong will to thrive. Trust in this, and rely on that fact to help you change your habits so that your stress management system can adjust to a more stable, secure structure.

You must read the sources for a detailed look at the different topics and ideas shared here. This post is that of my own conclusions, based off of the information in these links plus my own experiences with Bipolar Type 2. I am not a professional, and this post should not be taken as mental health advice, but rather, an exploration from an unprofessional point of view. If you need mental health advice, seek therapy or psychiatric care, and take this information to them to see how it may apply to your life.

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Sources: Bipolar experiences Dopamine & Bipolar Relationship Grey matter information Hippocampus information Limbic System information Mania & Hypomania Mixed episodes Prefrontal Cortex Walkthrough

[ina-nis]

I will never stop talking about how harmful some therapy modalities are, even if they're considered the first line of treatment for many mental illnesses.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is one I particularly hate, not only because it has harmed and traumatized me personally, but because the whole premise of this "therapy" (if I can even call it that) is based on victim-blaming and gaslighting. Full stop.

I found a very good interview/article about the harm CBT can cause on chronic pain patients (I am also one of them!) and it sums up most my feelings and why I would never recommend it to anyone - and I'll actually go out of my way to warn people about it, be mindful and know what they're getting into if they do decide to try.

It's important to note that, even though this is about chronic pain, this fits for a lot of other things, like personality disorders. They're all interconnected after all, and the ableism we face is always similar, unfortunately.

It was incredibly difficult for me to function day-to-day due to the pain and fatigue. It felt like no one understood what I was going through, including the therapists I saw who told me I was just anxious or overreacting. I was told that my pain wasn’t real, would pass if I stopped paying attention to it, or was being exaggerated. I received the same message from many others in my life. They told me I was faking to get out of school or being melodramatic for attention. None of that was true. So on top of being in chronic pain that just got worse, showing up more often and in more areas of my body, I felt dismissed, judged, and alone. Most of my chronic pain treatment, aside from over the counter meds and the occasional prescription for symptoms like heartburn or migraines, was therapy and psychiatric medication. Doctors continued to dismiss my pain and gave mental health diagnoses instead of investigating my physical symptoms. The underlying physical issues causing my pain were overlooked and misattributed to being psychosomatic. Psych meds never helped my chronic pain. I tried almost all of them, yet that didn’t signal anything to my psychiatrists except that I was a “difficult case.” They didn’t consider that there really was something physical going on [and many people do have co-occurring physical and psychological conditions]. (...) Unfortunately, even with my recent diagnoses, the conditions I have are under-researched and don’t always have clear treatment paths. The medical establishment has intentionally neglected researching and treating them. Most doctors don’t know much about the conditions or falsely believe they’re too rare to need to know about, so I’m basically back to square one. I’m still not being provided treatment that actually helps my chronic pain. Even with a growing list of medical diagnoses, therapy and psych meds are still routinely recommended to me, sometimes as the only treatment option.

As I said... way too similar, isn't it? This has been my experience with both chronic pain and most my mental illnesses. It's especially hard to digest regarding AvPD - where one of the treatments is to "just go outside and socialize" and the fact that doing that makes me suicidal is overlooked, conveniently. You're not taken seriously, people think it's just a matter of "willpower" and "positive thinking" and "just don't think about it." A big fat load of bullshit, huh?

But I guess I get it? People don't understand how it is. They most likely never will unless they go through it themselves so, of course, they will offer all these "solutions" and "fixes" - including medical professionals - and will blame you after things straight up don't work, or don't work for long enough.

I do not see anyone talking about side effects and the harms treatment can cause. Nobody. Not a single fucking soul. But if it doesn't work then it's because you're "treatment resistant" or you just didn't get the right mix of meds, or you're just not trying hard enough. Aha!

Now delving into CBT itself...:

(...) I remember pushing back when therapists told me my pain was exaggerated, “all in my head,” or that I was focusing too much on it and making it worse. Therapists told me my pain was psychosomatic. I wasn’t given the space or encouragement to process or discuss my grief, fear, or trauma around living in chronic pain and having it untreated and dismissed. Trying to ignore the pain didn’t stop it. I always knew there was something medical going on. I told them that I was suffering. It didn’t matter. They still thought they could convince me my pain wasn’t real, or that I was choosing to suffer from it even if it was real. That didn’t help, and they were wrong. CBT as a modality is based around gaslighting. It’s all about telling a patient that the world is safe, bad feelings are temporary, and that pain (emotional or physical) is a “faulty or unhelpful” distortion of thinking. That’s literally in CBT’s definition on the APA website. But how do they determine that someone’s thinking is “faulty or unhelpful”? From the first session, therapists told me my way of thinking was the problem, not the medical conditions I couldn’t control or things like systemic injustices, financial struggles, trauma, and discrimination. And that’s a big problem with CBT. When therapists look at patients through the lens of patients’ thinking being faulty or distorted, not the larger issues impacting their lives, therapists miss those larger issues and the patient is invalidated and harmed even further. [Maybe some people find CBT helpful] but what happens in CBT when your thinking is not actually distorted? When you’re someone who has chronic pain, chronic illness, and disability? Someone dealing with systemic and societal issues that are very real and harmful? Someone dealing with trauma, PTSD, or currently being abused? Someone living in a global pandemic that’s disabling and killing millions of people? I believe CBT is built to be dismissive and invalidating. And that’s what was done to me for so long that even I wondered at times if maybe I was causing my own pain, that if I “fixed” my thinking and could stop being anxious, my pain would get better. But two decades of therapy only made me feel more lost and confused, and the pain only got worse. I lost so much time focusing on therapy that I could have been seeing the right specialists and doing preventative treatments that might have stopped my illnesses from progressing the way they have.

CBT is based on the premise that any patient coming into therapy is experiencing distorted, “faulty,” “catastrophizing” thinking. CBT therapists are trained to convince patients that they’re overreacting and that they’ll feel better when they realize they’re overreacting. They believe patients will realize that the world is actually safe (or at least safer than they think it is) and that emotions are based on unjustified fears and misinterpretations. Except that isn’t true. I can’t say I know anyone that’s true for. And it very much blames the victim, the patient. It tells them the problem is their way of processing pain and trauma, not whatever is actually causing it. With chronic pain, the problem can be physical, worsened by the neglect of the medical system. I can’t wish that away. I can’t convince myself I’m not in pain that exists and is being neglected. It’s not true. And it’s harmful to tell me that’s how I’ll get better when it’s not. Also, CBT practitioners seem to work off an assumption that patients will feel better if they refocus their attention to distractions. I can’t tell you how many therapists told me to just go out, make new friends, join a club, even giving me worksheets to schedule and report those kinds of activities. None of that helped me. First of all, it was hard to go out and make friends when I was living in chronic pain. It also felt so dismissive to be told the solution was just to distract myself and pretend everything was fine when I had real, physical pain and trauma going on that wasn’t being properly addressed. I believe the way CBT is prescribed and enacted for people in chronic pain is certainly harmful and inappropriate. [It has been useless to me and many other chronic pain patients.]

(...) I’ve never heard of a pain coach, but from what I’m seeing via Google it looks a lot like CBT to me, except with even less training or oversight. I’m seeing phrases like “creating harmony,” “triumph over pain,” and “focusing on strengths” on coach websites. It looks like a form of life/wellness coaching? The websites seem scammy and ableist. Maybe there are good pain coaches out there, but I can’t tell that from what I’m seeing, and I’ve never seen anyone in the disability community recommend them. So, I can’t speak to it formally, but my guess would be that this is not a non-harmful or trauma/disability-informed method of treatment, at least not overall. I would caution against recommending something like that in lieu of CBT, and certainly not without the input of folks with lived experience of disability who have done it.

I have nothing else to add. This person put my own feelings into words I could have written myself.

I wish we never had to deal with this kind of issue and that it would get better someday. I wonder about that and I really doubt it... but the more people speak up, the more the harm will be seen and maybe something can change eventually.

(About this last part in particular: "coaching" is a huge can of worms because most are not medical professionals or trained psychologists. It is indeed a scam and the whole industry is just like that. You know multi-level marketing/pyramid schemes but make it "therapeutic"? Yeah...)

(...) Even some of the better-seeming doctors promote modalities like CBT, mindfulness, meditation, and biofeedback as first-line treatments. Those things have never helped my chronic pain. My guess is because it’s physical and structural, so at best those things could calm me down temporarily, but all those feelings come right back because the pain never stops, I’m being continually traumatized and mistreated, and I live in survival mode all the time. It’s been a long time since I found any mode of therapy helpful. ACT [acceptance and commitment therapy] had its moments because it was about coping, finding whatever power and agency I could in any given moment or situation, but I still found that limiting because truly accepting chronic pain doesn’t feel possible to me. The anger, fear, grief, and depression always come back because the pain, the source of those feelings, never stops. Sometimes it can just be nice to talk to someone, but I’ve also had problematic and traumatic therapy experiences even with therapists who say they specialize in chronic illness. Sometimes they can still be ableist, tell me I’m “catastrophizing,” and make the same mistakes. Many of them also practice CBT and seem to fall back into it with me when they feel stuck or overwhelmed by my situation. I’ve been unable to successfully do trauma work because therapists tell me we can’t work on past traumas while I’m living in trauma. The chronic pain ensures I’m always in some kind of trauma or survival situation, so I don’t know if or when real trauma work will be possible. My trust in therapy is very limited at this point. I believe much of it has been harmful and I’m not sure there’s a current modality that is truly helpful or validating for people experiencing chronic pain, disability, oppression, and/or active trauma.