#'i crave stability in my life' my ass

[qqqqqqqqqqq0]

i've been having some trouble falling asleep lately

[ivystoryweaver]

Ok seeing that gif set of Oscar with the shadow of a beard. How do you think the moon boys like to have their face (once they are all aware of each other) do you think they all prefer clean shaven or they have their own preferences?

Ohhhh babe

Marc is our clean shaven honey. Hair styled out of his face - he keeps it a bit longer for Steven's sake.

As for facial hair, he'll shave out of military habit.

Once a routine settles in Marc's bones, it's a comfort he doesn't even realize. This baby boy craves stability.

And he needs to feel in control of some things. It makes him feel safe. 

Steven, sweet Steven - he's been playing catch up for years.

Before Cairo, and Marc, he couldn't quite seem to get a hold of a routine. Always running late, this one. (as we know)

But Marc pops in and shaves so Steven rolls with that.

You'll find him with stubble.

You’ll also find Steven to be quite opinionated about many things, but not this 

We all know Jake wants and loves having facial hair.

He will abide by system majority while he keeps himself out of the limelight, but once they all share the body with full knowledge of one another, Jake lets it grow.

And it grows fast, so he usually has a beard or at least a mustache.

Marc cannot with the damn mustache.

"Why a mustache, Jake? Just grow a damn beard. It's not 1983."

Steven and Jake laugh their asses off.

with a mustache.

Disclaimer: Im not at allll into mustaches, no offense, people who have them. But I know the blorbo lovers are very fond of this with Jake, so I wanted to roll with it.

JAKE WITH A BEARD FOR LIFE

^ my jake

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Moon Knight Masterlist

Main Masterlist

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[jtl-fics]

Math Nerd AU

I’ve got quite a few time travel AFTG fics banging around in my head but by far the funniest one is this:

Neil dies in 40s to a drunk driver after a respectable professional Exy career, two olympic golds, a very successful and healthy relationship, a steady post-injury career as Ichirou Moriyama’s preferred accountant (kept himself squeaky clean) and years to get his shit together. He wakes up back early on into his runaway life with his mom and is immediately like “oh no I’m NOT doing this shit again.”

He makes a lot of changes, mostly for Andrew’s benefit but also gets Mary to the Hatfords, and gets himself set up in Ichirou’s confidence again because man he’s gonna play Exy again but Ichirou was actually a very solid boss if you’re competent and Neil is very good at managing finances.

Ichirou had plans for Neil. He’s waiting for his father to pass before he brings Neil fully out in the open as one of his since his father is still demanding that the Wesninski heir be given over to his brother and Ichirou is not about to let the only accountant who has ever gotten him a completely legal tax refund go to the NEST. He’s also not about to let the Butcher near Neil so he puts Neil off in the middle of nowhere with a steady paycheck and orders to graduate highschool. Neil picks Millport.

Hernandez still notices that no one ever comes to Neil’s games and that the kid is driven but doesn’t make any real attachments with his teammates despite Millport becoming the Arizona State Champs the year Neil leads the team. So he sends tapes to Wymack and Kevin. Neil is surprised to see them since he’d planned on never getting anywhere near Andrew after he set things up for the blond. (Killed Drake, paid some people to legally adopt and look after Andrew, got CPS to investigate Tilda properly, paid off the right people so that the couple who took in Andrew took in Aaron too, and paid for them to move out to SC (it’s close to the twins remaining family) and then Tilda managed to die on her own from an OD and the twins got the money without Andrew needing to have any part in it.)

Neil ends up signing for the Foxes despite Ichirou having plans for Neil to start attending University of Texas (Great Accounting Program) in the fall. Neil of course completely fails to tell Ichirou this since Ichirou hadn’t said anything beyond finishing highschool and if he had plans for Neil then he should have told him.

Neil, the utterly self-sufficient adult that he is, proceeds to just be the most bizarre stabilizing force the foxes have ever encountered. He knows all about their shit, their issues, their triggers, and how to help them. The Foxes all kind of crave that stability and Neil can take whatever they say unflinchingly. He’ll give as good as he gets but he also makes team breakfast pretty much every morning after he finishes his absurdly early run. Kevin is in heaven with his Striker pick (Neil in this thing is so incredibly boring and well-adjusted that Andrew just cannot believe that he’s a spy so Kevin and Neil start night practices almost immediately & Neil shows Kevin drills that he and Future!Kevin had made and Kevin is just like “I am so good at picking talent. I am a god.”)

The 3 things that make this so funny (at least to me) is:

1. All the Foxes just like not understanding why the hell Neil is a Fox (They’re glad he’s there but it feels like a clerical error that such a nice well-adjusted guy is on the team) until they see him without a shirt and until immediately after the Kathy Ferdinand show where Ichirou shows up and is like “Palmetto doesn’t even have a nationally ranked accounting program!? Also what if this sport gives you a TBI and you can’t do my taxes anymore????”

2. Andrew is just inexplicably and infuriatingly smitten, enamored, crushing, heart-eyes for this BORING ASS MATH NERD. Neil’s sense of humor was honed against Andrew so he’s got like a direct line to Andrew’s funny bone. He never has never once for even a second confused Aaron and Andrew (and they’re a lot closer in this fic because there’s no Tilda angst and the ‘parents’ handled getting Aaron’s rehabilitation handled off the books so he could have a future in medicine.) Even after the whole mob accountant reveal Andrew is seething because even with that Neil is just incredibly well-adjusted and normal despite all the insane shit going on with him. He propositions Neil when Neil mentions having a past male significant other but Neil has the AUDACITY to get all sad-eyed and say that he can’t be with Andrew because his heart still belongs to some CHUMP in his past. (Cue Current!Andrew having an unknowing bitter hatred / rivalry of Future!Andrew and swearing that he’ll woo Neil away from a guy who’s probably in the mob or shitty because Andrew hasn’t seen any evidence of Neil’s SO reaching out to him but he knows Neil isn’t lying)

3. One of the reasons that Andrew is inexplicably and infuriatingly attracted / smitten to Neil is that Future!Andrew did not really spend a lot of time in the future after Neil died and he’s slowly seeping through until Neil’s confrontation with his dad and then Future!Andrew fully wakes up and he’s PISSED because at least in the original timeline Andrew was inexplicably and infuriatingly attracted to the mysterious freshmen who was hiding his appearance, looked like he was seconds away from running across the country at all times, and had a whole aura of danger around him. Now he’s revealed that he’d have fallen for Neil no matter what because he fell for Neil when he was just a BORING ASS MATH NERD and WORST OF ALL Neil went and made him jealous of HIMSELF because Neil didn’t want to cheat on Andrew with ANDREW. What an asshole. He’s gotta kiss his entire face off and tell him that he’s never allowed to cross a street without Andrew again because if a drunk driver is going to take one of them out then it’s going to take BOTH of them out.

[kimbapisnotsushi]

shiratorizawa/inarizaki headcanons bc i miss them and i love them and i crave yamagata and reon content so i have to be the change i want to see in the world. so let's go!!

reon, the love of my life

i actually think he really likes comforting cozy slice-of-life sim games, like stardew valley and animal crossing and such

okay this is the part where i retcon the entire haikyuu timeline bc i really like the idea of everyone piling into reon's and tendou's dorm and watching reon game on a switch

or just like. gathering in the common area and squishing onto the couch or whatever while reon roams his island collecting fruits and bugs or whatever

(these games are the only sense of peace and stability reon gets at this goddamn school)

anyways it's funny bc tendou screams every time reon runs into a wasp's nest and yells "RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN" until reon either gets stung or successfully evades them

admittedly i do think the ds and gameboy are sacred and, for the sake of nostalgia, are definitely used to play pokemon (of which everyone has a favorite gen and get into endless arguments about it)

tendou DOES teach goshiki how to pirate shit and get ROM hacks and emulators and such tho

reon and semi are the most popular members out of the third years btw

they're both polite and calm and generally nice and don't have an RBF that makes people nervous

too many people keep trying to fight yamagata just bc they think he's glaring at them and he is SO tired

yamagata (slightly inspired by my own recent purchase) decides to get a phone charm to see if it'll help him keep track of his phone btw

he mentions this idea to semi who mentions it to reon who mentions it to tendou who blabs to the whole team. and guess what? everyone gets the absolutely brilliant idea of gifting yamagata a phone charm!!!

so now he has like a dozen different ones. and he's STILL losing his goddamn phone, so now his convos are like "have you seen my phone? yeah right now it's got a little phone charm hanging off of it, so just keep an eye out for that. what does the charm look like? oh i meant it's a charm that is literally a phone. of course it was tendou, who else do you think it was"

tendou has also taken to putting stickers on yamagata in an attempt to make him "less scary". sometimes yamagata knows about it. sometimes he doesn't.

kawanishi: "yamagata-san, pardon me for asking, but why do you have one-punch man on your butt" yamagata: "i have what now"

tendou meets someone he can talk to manga about online in some fandom/community forum or whatever and he is absolutely BETRAYED to find out that it's akagi michinari of inarizaki

okay not really but he is SUPER dramatic about it and keeps going on and on to akagi about how he can't be caught fraternizing with the enemy

akagi is just like "yeah yeah now are we going to talk about the complexities of yoru being both a victim and a perpetrator and his inevitable redemption arc or what"

(GO READ GOKURAKUGAI I AM BEGGING)

aran is still scared of tendou btw. like he won't outright admit it but he's still not over the time tendou yelled that he was going to piss in his pants from all the way across the court.

when akagi tells him they've become friends aran is like "are you SURE about that"

also i know tendou gets pissed off at suna. but i think it'd be REALLY funny if suna got pissed off at kawanishi

something something "he should be more sure of himself, he'll never stop aran-san like that" something something "and i thought i was a sarcastic little bitch" something something "no i DON'T think he's cute what the fuck are you on about"

(i didn't mean for it to go that way when i started typing it but i DO think it'd be an absolutely hilarious development)

i htink kawanishi and shirabu go on a lot of study dates, holing up at coffeeshops and boba cafes with their backpacks and notebooks and spending hours on homework and studying

shirabu worked his ass off to get into shiratorizawa and he intends to keep it that way!! he's a model student. probably even the top of their year. everyone knows him as the high-achiever.

kawanishi is there to make sure shirabu doesn't get lost inside his head and gets him take breaks and makes sure he doesn't get sucked into the endless soulless spiral of academic rigor at an elite private high school

basically: shirabu's consistently on the path to burnout and kawanishi is there to keep the flames alive

(hey that would be a good fic summary)

maybe that's another thing, then, that helps kawanishi and suna become friends. because suna's been there. suna knows, sometimes, that feeling of imposter syndrome. feeling like you don't belong. feeling like you have to prove your worth, your entire existence, just to be able to stay in a place you love, even if that place might not love you back.

and kawanishi knows shirabu would rather shove a volleyball down his throat than open up about the bad days and the bad feelings, so he picks suna's brain instead to find out how he can help. what he can do. what shirabu might be thinking and how kawanishi can fix it

you can't, suna tells him, you can't fix something like this. he has to learn to live with it. to grow around it. to believe in something better until it's the only thing he believes in. but having people you care about care about you helps. it did for me.

and so kawanishi is there to draw the blanket around shirabu's shoulders, and he's there to put snacks on shirabu's desk, and he's there to flip shirabu's textbook close when the clock hits eleven they need to sleep, and he cares for shirabu in all the ways shirabu can't care for himself and hopes that it's enough

[kenny-power]

By your side

Dallas Winston x f!reader

Warnings: Language, sad boi hours

Angst

A/N - I was feeling depresso when I wrote this, so suffer w me pls >:)

✨✨✨

“one day, you’ll be lying on your death bed and wondering why no one is by your side.”

~

Dallas Winston ruins everything he touches. It’s just a fact of life. He had to leave New York when he was younger because he got in trouble too many times, surfing couches all his way down to Tulsa. Of course, once he got to Tulsa, nothing really got any better. 

Almost instantly, he created a rap sheet that was long as he was tall. He craved danger more than he attracted it, actively seeking it out when he had decided his life was getting too quiet. 

Joining the Curtis gang gave him little more stability than he was used to, but eventually even that got old. Truly, the only reason he stuck around that gang was because he felt he had to. There was a sense of loyalty and trust he built up with them that he couldn’t just break. Plus, abandoning the gang meant abandoning Johnny, something he would never do. The kid needed him, almost as much as he needed the kid. 

When she came into his life, things changed, though. Y/N changed his perspective. He found himself attending school almost regularly, something which was previously a two-time-a-week max thing, just so he could have a chance to talk to her. Walking her home, taking her out on the weekends - she became the brightest star in his universe. So shiny and bright and exciting. 

When Dallas Winston commits to something, he doesn’t commit half-assed. He focused his entire person on her. If he believed in love, he would’ve professed it to her every time he saw her. 

But, this didn’t mean he quit his way of life. He would still steal, it would just be things he thought Y/N would like. He still terrorized children on the street, he just thought about what they would look like with his nose and her eyes. He still drank, but instead of finding a random broad to take home with him when he stopped walking straight, he went to her. She was his star, so full of life and he couldn’t look away. 

However, as is the case with celestial bodies, she eventually lost her shiny-ness. She found him coming home later and later, excuses on his lips mixed with the taste of alcohol. His excuses became less believable as time went on, until it was just a peck on the lips and a muttered “Sorry.” He stopped taking her out on dates, stopped showing up to school, stopped existing to her at all. He had disappeared.

Fed up, Y/N went to the one place she could count on him being at; Buck’s. Expecting nothing but disappointment, she marched up to the bedroom that he called as his. The door swung open, revealing him. In bed with someone else. 

Y/N couldn’t say she was shocked, or even mad. She somehow knew this was coming, that he would tire of her. If anything, it was almost impressive how long she was able to capture his attention, and almost, almost, changed him. However, knowing this fact didn’t stop the tears from coming to her eyes. 

Dallas had stopped whatever he was doing in the rickety bed with the broad desperate enough to go with him when he heard the door open. He barely had time to pull his pants back up and try to piece together an apology when Y/N held up her hand, stopping him in his tracks. 

“No,” she said, her voice barely holding it together. “No. I don’t wanna hear it Dal. Whatever excuse you have this time, I don’t wanna know.” Dally took a step towards her.

“Baby, please-.” He started. Y/N took a step back. 

“I am not your baby.” Tears started falling down her cheeks. “Not anymore. Not ever. You lost that privilege.” She wiped her eyes to no avail, the tears were coming faster. “I loved you, you know. I would’ve spent my entire life and more with you, but you threw that away.” Her voice cracked, but she swallowed harshly, determined to get the words out. “You ruined it. Over what? Boredom? Was I not enough, Dal? Why wasn’t I enough? Why?” Her words cut off with a sob. 

Dallas tried to reach for her, but she stepped back again, standing in the hall now. She wiped her eyes again, mascara smearing beneath her eyes, but Y/N didn’t care. What does it matter what your face looks like when your heart has been split into two? Taking a deep breath, she continued. 

“I hope you have fun with her,” she gestured into the room at the girl still in the bed. “I hope she has everything you’re looking for, because I obviously didn’t. And, when you eventually end up leaving her, because you will, I hope you realize how cowardly and selfish you are. I hope you realize that you cut ties with every single damn person who loves you, because you’re selfish and scared. One day, you’ll be lying on your death bed and wondering why no one is by your side. And I won't feel sorry for you. Goodbye, Dallas Winston. Have a nice life.” Y/N turned around, despite Dally calling her name, and went down the stairs. When she reached the bottom she sprinted out the door of Buck’s, needing to get far from there. 

Sitting back on the bed, with his hands in his head, Dallas realized something. He ruins everything he touches. It’s just a fact of life.

[mangoshorthand]

Before A Fall [Five Hargreeves x F Reader]. Ch 4 (Hard Feelings Part 2)

SUMMARY: As your life begins to grow around Five's, his attitude becomes a little sinister. When does protection become suffocation and when does taking matters into your own hands become betrayal? (weekly updates) Chapter One - Chapter Two - Chapter Three - Chapter Four - Chapter Five - Chapter Six - Chapter Seven - Chapter Eight - Chapter Nine - Chapter Ten - Chapter Eleven - Chapter Twelve

Five is buzzing at the hint of a mystery, but your feelings are becoming more complex.

Smut below. Proceed at your own risk

Chapter 4: Socialist Sesame Street

The other adults have mixed responses to Five upon seeing him again, leaning against one of the many LEDs screens, eyes scouring the ingredients on the back of a can of JUICED. Some tsk in disapproval, most ignore him but the odd person tries to talk, worriedly. These he shuts down; politely but firmly. One man approaches him with aggressive swagger, presumably the same man who had objected to his interruption back in the auditorium. 

“Hey, son.”

He’d hoped the diminutive terms of address would be gone by now. Apparently not. He looks up at the man. He’s solidly built with a cap pulled down tightly on his bald head.

“You made a real ass of yourself in there.”

Five returns his eyes to the ingredients list, one hand falling naturally into his pocket, “I wasn’t craving your opinion on my behavior but thanks for the feedback I guess.”

The man bristles, “You got a kid in second grade? Got a girl pregnant when you were a freshman or something?”

“I’m in loco-parentis."

"What?"

Five sighs, "I'm Santiago Pitts-Hargreeves' uncle. I'm in charge while his parents are away. Now, can I help you?”

“I’m just telling you." he gestures to the can in Five's hand, "My Sean drinks it every day and he ain’t got cancer. You one of them conspiracy nuts?” 

“Depends on the conspiracy.”

This answer clearly doesn’t put this Dad's mind at rest.

“Listen, you’re crazy bastards, you’re scared of everything. First the soda gives kids cancer, then they faked the moon landing-"

Five speaks as if to finish his list, “-then there’s widespread pedophilia cover-ups in the catholic church. Not everything that sounds crazy is false.”

The guy reverts tactic:

“Like I say, JUICED is all my kid drinks. Nags and nags until he gets it. If it caused cancer, he’d for sure have it.”

“Well,” says Five, inclining his head and raising his eyebrows with a hint of sardonicism, “then I'd suggest you get him tested. Just in case.”

You and Santi watched and enjoyed the latest Pixar offering and he laughed at you when you’d left the theater with tears in your eyes. You’d decided to spoil him tonight; this kid was having the toughest of tough times. After the email Five mentioned to you, at least half of you is convinced that you’ll arrive home tonight to learn that Alyssa has died.

Partly due to this preoccupation, you’d allowed Santi to spend an inordinate amount of money on movie-theater candy and he's still riding the sugar high. 

He sits, swinging his legs at your McDonald’s table and chatters happily about how fries taste a jillion times better if you dip them in ketchup and then barbeque sauce but not the other way around. You, of course, try it both ways and pretend to taste a difference in the result.

“Wow you got a real sense of flavor. You think you’re going to be a chef?”

“Nah. I got to use my power. I can save the bees and maybe one day pandas and tigers and everything.”

“Cool” you say. While you have your doubts about the long-term genetic stability of duplicated creatures, you run with it anyway, “I bet you will."

You pause a second, your mind flashing back to his conversation with Five. Is there an opportunity to be a different voice?  

“That’s a really kind thing to do for the animals. How else might you save them?”

He looks a little confused.

“I’m asking because when there aren’t enough animals it’s usually because of something people have done accidentally or on purpose. You can duplicate animals, but if people have built on their homes, then where will they live?”

“I get Uncle Luther to knock down all the buildings!”

“I don’t think Uncle Luther would do that,” you laugh, “he’s too nice. What about the poor people in the buildings? Where will they live? It’s not their fault.”

“But the animals?”

“I know Santi. I think we need to stop the builders building there in the first place…but maybe the builders only built there because people needed to live somewhere.”

“Maybe the people go someplace else?”

“Mm-hm. But what if they don’t have enough money to go live somewhere else?”

“We give them money…or we give them houses. We got lotsa rooms at home.” He chomps his hamburger.

“That’s a nice idea,” you look at him, thoughtfully, “but isn’t it crazy how animals not having enough places to live can be sorta linked to some people not having enough money?”

“Yeah,” he chews thoughtfully. He looks troubled by this, so you lighten up this cursory glimpse down socialist Sesame Street.

“Don’t worry about it now. There are lots of kind people who work together to make sure everyone has a home. People and animals. Maybe one day you could join in?”

“Yeah!” 

He's smiling in that way that reminds you of Lila- chubby cheeks pouting outwards. 

“I think you’d fit right in. You’re kind too. And if a lot of people are kind together and care an awful lot, they can fix stuff.”

“Like the Lorax?”

“Yeah, kinda. Do you want an ice-cream?”

In the semi darkness on the Academy steps, you sit down and gesture for him to sit next to you. He does and you take both of his small hands in yours.

“Santi- before we go in, how are you feeling?”

“Happy,” he smiles.

“Yeah? I’m glad to hear that. How are you doing with the mean people at school?”

“They mostly been off school so it’s better.”

Well…it works on a temporary basis, you suppose.

“Who have you played with at recess?”

“The bugs,” he grins, “I made four HUGE spiders today.”

You shudder, “Oh no- that sounds like my worst nightmare!”

He laughs, an infant-like squeak creeping into his voice. When all is said and done, he’s still just a baby.

"It's ok, I make them disappear too, you know." 

You smile, “Tomorrow, can you do something for me?”

“What?”

“At recess, if you see someone who looks lonely, can you see if they want to play?”

He pulls a face but doesn’t really respond.

“That would be a kind thing to do,” you prompt.

He hesitates, “I’ll try.”

“Perfect!” you raise your arms in exaggerated joy.

“But what if they say go away?”

“Then you’ll have been kind anyway and I’ll be proud of you. Maybe they're feeling sad. And...some people are mean, but that's their problem; it's nothing to do with you really.”

You hold out your arms to him and give him a tight hug. You feel a sudden rush of affection. You've been in this little boy's life for a significant portion of it. It's a responsibility you don't take lightly. 

He yawns.

“Come on, sweetie,” you say, “it’s late. Let’s get you to bed.”

Almost as soon as you step into the entrance hall, Five blinks into existence in front of you with the familiar ffssht and flash of light. He drops to his haunches and grips both of Santi’s upper arms in his:

“Santi! DON’T drink the soda.”

“Wh-what?"

"Five?"

“JUICED. Santi: never drink it again. You gotta promise me!”

“O-ok.”

“Promise?”

“Promise!”

“You’re scaring him.” 

You put your hand on Santi’s shoulder and steer him out of Five’s grip.

 “What’s happened?”

“I think it’s poison.”

With Santi calmed and sound asleep, you’re sitting on the bed while Five stands, his arms folded and toe tapping. 

"You can’t tell Diego and Lila until you’re sure.”

 “Yes. I’d come to that conclusion.”

“But what made you think-?”

“Can you be quiet a moment? I have to think."

You stare, hurt.

He blinks across the room, pulls an ancient typewriter out of the bottom of your wardrobe and slams it on the table. He looks around madly, opening draws and ducking his head under the desk. You cross to the bookcase and extract a sheet of paper from the ream stored there.

He takes it wordlessly, threads it onto the roller and types smartly. You move as if to read it over his shoulder but he waves you away gruffly. You step back, perplexed.

He stands quickly, tears the paper from the machine and rolls it into a tight cylinder.

With that, he blinks away.

In his Dad’s old office, he crosses to the fireplace, glancing disdainfully up at the painting on the wall, (What sort of pathological narcissist has an oil-painting of himself behind his own desk?). The green-tiled surround is flanked by two carved volute pillars, ostentatiously holding up the equally ostentatious mantelpiece. 

Beside the right-hand pillar on the swell of the chimney breast is a hidden compartment that opens only for his hand. Inside is a tube-shaped capsule and a pipeline disappearing upwards- it's a founder's privilege. He stuffs his note into the tube, the tube into the pneumatic pipeline and slams the lid shut.

He backs up, the back of his legs coming into contact with Reginald’s desk. He sits there silently, listening to a fly buzz somewhere in the room. His leg shakes restlessly for a moment until he can’t stand it anymore. He’s up and over at the glass-doored cabinet to his right. He pulls out the decanter, two glasses and pours a generous amount into each. Then, he takes up the slightly larger of the two and sips.

The fly stops buzzing. The air’s thicker. It’s a state Five remembers well. Time has been paused.

“Hello Number Five,” comes Herb’s friendly voice, “long time no speak.”

“I was kinda hoping to finally knock my time with the Commission on the head... yet here I am.”

Five turns and sits behind the desk. With a gesture, he offers Herb the seat on the other side.

“Bourbon?”

Herb accepts, taking his seat and placing his briefcase under the table. Five passes the other glass over the desk.

“How’s Dot?”

“Well, thank you,” Herb smiles, “and your lady?”

A slight shadow passes Five’s face, which Herb doesn’t miss.

“She's well.”

Wisely, Herb decides not to pursue this line of enquiry. Instead, he gets down to business.

“Now, how can I help you today?”

“It's small fry from your perspective but I got some suspicions, Herb." 

He leans back in his father's chair and crosses one leg over the other before continuing.

"Holbrook Elementary school in the city. Four kids in one class have developed cancer and it’s too unlikely to be a coincidence. There’s no atmospheric reason that I could place and yet they’ve got this corporate sponsorship with the soda company JUICED....and the stuff is all over the school.

Herb nods, smilingly, “You trying on the old superhero cape again?”

“It’s my nephew’s school Herb.”

“Ah.” Herb takes another sip of whiskey.

“Now, I’m hoping you’ll be able to run some numbers and help me out here. Give me something to go on.”

Herb looks pained, “Er- you know that I can’t-”

“Yes, I know you can’t just tell me the answer but can you at least indicate the path to finding the answer, or maybe tell me if I’m way off base.”

Herb considers.

“Give me,” he checks his watch, “until tomorrow on my end but I can make it five minutes for you.”

“Thank you.”

With a nod, Herb picks up the briefcase and vanishes.

The fly resumes its buzzing, the air clears. Five massages the pressure points at the bridge of his nose in an effort to clear the slight build up in his sinuses that always results from the pausing and unpausing of time. He finishes his drink and pours another, containing one restless leg’s desire to shake with difficulty. He checks his watch.

The fly appears before his face, he lifts a hand to waft it away just as it freezes in mid air. Herb, wearing a different shirt and tie, is again before the desk, holding a thick file.

“Hello.”

“Thanks again Herb.”

 Five plucks the static fly from mid-air and positions it out of his eyeline before continuing.

“What have you got for me?”

“It’s as I thought. I can’t give you much because you’re integral to working it out.”

“Ah shit.” Five leans back into Reginald’s old desk chair, “you mean, the old fashioned way? Like, chemistry?”

“Afraid so.”

He sighs, “So I’m reading up on chromatography?”

Herb gives him a little shrug and jerk of the head as he takes a sip of his whiskey, his face seems to say: Maybe, but I can’t tell you.

“Is there anything, anything at all you can say?”

“I can put your mind at ease: Santiago does not have cancer.”

Five lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

Five seems too wired to sleep. He has the bit between his teeth and can’t let go. He told you that Santi’s fine but nothing else. It’s like trying to sleep next to a coiled spring. You turn over to face him.

“You don’t seem tired.”

“I need a good night’s sleep. I just can’t switch off.”

“Want me to help?”

"It's not really your area." 

It’s not really a dismissal, just a statement.

"Maybe I didn't mean like that."

His eyes dart towards you. He thinks he knows what you’re getting at, but after skating on thin ice over the last week, he doesn’t want to assume.

“I’d be…grateful.”

 For your part, you’ve been noticing him this evening. His eyes look bright, hard, intense. All his mannerisms became more pronounced as his inhibitions were swept away in the greater current of his roiling mind. His hands were shoved so deeply in his pockets that you were sure they’d rip. His characteristic forward lean had been so pronounced it was almost a bow. 

He attracts you more than you’d wish considering his attitude right now, but now you’re willing to forget everything, even his caginess, just to be able to pleasure him. You don't want to think too hard about the implications of this.

Pushing down your conflicting feelings, you kiss his neck softly, burying your nose in his lower hairline and breathing in his smell. It makes your stomach flip; familiar, but intoxicating. You creep your mouth up to his ear and blow softly into the shell. When he still seems distracted, you glide the back of an idle hand down his naked chest and over his stomach as you run your tongue along his helix. This always makes him shiver and today is no different.

Having captured his full attention, you return your mouth to his neck and raise your hand to his nipples. He sighs, vocalizing a small moan as you stimulate the sensitive buds- rubbing first one and then the other to hardness. You switch your mouth’s focus, tongue coming instead to rhythmically flick each nipple with its tip while your hand caresses his neck. 

His breathing becomes more expressive as your hand comes down beneath the sheets and beneath the sweatpants he sometimes likes to sleep in. He lifts his hips and pulls them down for you as you give his rapidly hardening length a gentle stroke, redoubling your efforts on his chest to get him there faster.

When he’s fully hard, you pump him softly, occasionally stopping to just stroke the head between your thumb and other fingers in the way that he likes, spreading the leaked precome over his swollen glans. When his little sounds of enjoyment become needy, you speed up. With a little hiss, he thrusts upwards, the muscles in his lower body flexing invitingly into greater prominence.

Before you can get him there, you know you want to taste him. You burrow under the sheets and take the head into your mouth, teasing the rim of his glans with the warm-wet pressure of your lips. He lets out a moaning sigh. You don’t intend to draw this out, but you can’t resist inching your mouth slowly down his length, making sure he can feel every moment before you take him to completion. 

He throws the sheets back to look down at you with his whole dick in your mouth. You look up at him with the eyes that had first attracted him; their doe-like innocence in stark contrast with the situation

"Haaah…” he whispers, “make me come, you little cocksucker." 

His hands come to the sides of your head, fingers as usual tangling in your hair.

Now you bob your head, focusing the flat of your tongue on stimulating the head while he’s inside you. You look up at him again; his eyes are half-lidded and mouth agape. Your mouth is making sloppy, wet sucking noises as you go down on him, your saliva leaking down his shaft. You can tell the sound and sight is turning him on just as much as the feeling. 

"Fuuucck. You look so good down there. So good. You gonna swallow what I have for you?"

You want to swallow it. You don't care about anything else- not his disregard, not his dismissal, nothing. His moans become grunts and his hips rise off the bed. You add a hand into the mix, stroking the shaft in time with your mouth, now concentrated on the head. As your eyes meet his again, his hips jerk spasmodically and his grunts become a sustained roar. You keep it up as you feel him douse your waiting tongue with his milky-sweet seed. 

The taste of him makes your nipples harden. You slow down slightly, knowing that his most intense orgasms become too much if you attempt to go hard with direct stimulation. With his voice subsiding into gasps, you milk and swallow all the come you can from him, greedy for it. 

“Ah…stop”

You remove your mouth and give him one final, long stroke, just to make sure you got it all. You lick the last little bead from his opening- not willing to waste the tiniest drop. He sighs contentedly.

Is there a hint of smugness in his look, or is it your imagination?

"Mm. Thank you, dear one." he mumbles, rolling onto his side and enfolding you in his arms. As he strokes and kisses you, you come down from the high and stare into space. He rubs your hip.

"Can I...do you?" 

"It's fine." you murmur. 

"If you're sure?"

He sounds surprised, but only slightly.

In response to your confirmatory nod, he kisses you with lithe-lipped tenderness, stroking your cheek with light, loving fingers. He breaks the kiss slowly, looking at you with adoring eyes. Then he holds you to him again and relaxes into his post-orgasm euphoria, eyes closing.

"I love you so much." he whispers, sleep beginning to overtake him.

"I love you too." 

He doesn't notice the slightly bewildered tone to your voice. What happened to your self-respect?

Tag list: (please comment to be added or removed.) @dilfjohhny , @sunsunhe, @w4stedtr4sh,@nevbrooke-555

Masterpost Alternatively, join me on AO3.  Here is a link to the whole series

[steveharrington]

with the full knowledge that they probably won’t get the best endings bc the duffers don’t know what to do with their own characters, what would your ideal endings be for the st main characters? or like at least the ones you care about? like in an ideal world

this is so fun i’m gonna do as many as i can think of <3 i don’t think the duffers are gonna do a Huge time jump at the end of the series (i could b wrong) so i’m just gonna base these on like roughly anytime in the next year after s4

steve: ideally steve would not be in a romantic relationship and completely satisfied with this outcome. i’m not saying he should like Never get his little domestic dream but i think he needs some time to focus on himself instead of constantly weighing his self worth based on whether or not he’s romantically valued. i also think it would be nice if he found something that gave him fulfillment whether it be a specific job or hobby or even just like continuing to be best friends forever with robin <3

robin: i wouldn’t mind if she ended up with vickie because i genuinely like the way their relationship has been set up, but if she was single by the end too i’d be okay with that. mostly i want robin to get out of hawkins and meet other gay people and find a community where she doesn’t feel like an outsider. maybe make some weird art. and to continue being best friends forever with steve <3

nancy: i’m begging on my hands and knees for nancy to end the show single. i think she gravitates towards relationships because they feel safe to her, but she’s ultimately unsatisfied because she has goals and aspirations that don’t necessarily fit with steve/jonathan and i think she needs to just focus on herself without having to factor someone else into the equation. i think she should go to school for journalism, maybe start some kinda nonprofit, and help barb’s parents get their house back after murray SCAMMED their asses

jonathan: honestly i just want jonathan to have like….someone who acts as a consistent emotional support. doesn’t matter who it can be argyle it can be nancy in a platonic sense i just want him to be given the space to express his feelings without them always taking a backseat to someone else. i think a fun career for him would be music journalism

argyle: we don’t know shit about his personal life or his background but i just want him to be able to return to his life pre-vecna without too much trauma <3 like obv i want that for everyone but argyle especially is so happy go lucky and it would be so sad if he lost his vibes

max: god please i just want her to be happy and have peace. i want her to stay with lucas, romantically or platonically idrc i just want them to be Together in some sense and i want her to feel safe and happy that’s all i ask

lucas: same as above AND i want lucas to get to fully explore his identity with actual genuine support from his friends. i can see him going through high school trying a little bit of every club and hobby and group and i want him to just like grow into himself and have the freedom to do that <3

dustin: again happiness and safety PLEASE also idk how to explain this but i want dustin to like…lower his guard. i feel like in s1 & 2 he was much more trusting and had more faith in people vs s3 & 4 where he’s just constantly assuming that his friends are like incapable of doing anything? i know it’s just bad writing for bad jokes but i’m choosing to believe it’s his defense mechanism and his way of dealing with trauma by being like “well luckily i’m a genius and i’ll fix everything >:)” and i want him to like let go of that and be more carefree again

el: again this applies to all of them but for el especially i want her to have stability and to feel safe. i want her to get the family and home she craves so badly with joyce and hopper and jonathan and will, and i want her to get to try things out and shape an identity kinda like lucas. i want her to have a little bedroom where she can try out new hobbies and not have to worry about packing up because someone died again

mike: honestly this is the toughest for me to envision and i don’t really know why? like obv i want him to be happy feel safe etc but i can’t think of anything like Concrete for mike’s ending that i absolutely want to see. maybe just permanently reunited with his friends idk

will: i want willy b to feel comfortable and find joy in being gay and also come out to joyce <3 and maybe hopper <3 idk i want will’s story to go back to his family, the way it started, and for him to realize that he’s still very young and mike’s feelings don’t have to determine his personal happiness and i feel like the best way for him to reach this conclusion is just by knowing that his mom and brother will always have his back

erica: ugh god i want her to like finish middle school unscathed 😭 the writers ignore her feelings so much so it would be nice if for Once they let her acknowledge what she’s been through maybe via a conversation with lucas. idk why but out of all the characters i can really See erica getting therapy skdndnc like i think she’d enjoy it <3

joyce: lord idk i want joyce to somehow know with certainty that everything is Over and that she doesn’t have to be on alert anymore. that’s probably not plausible given the nature of the story and the fact that she’s naturally always going to look over her shoulder BUT i would be ecstatic if the ending somehow gave her this 100% surety that it was officially over

hopper: i just fucking want him to be el’s dad man <3 i want him to take her fishing and get her a pet cat and help her with homework at the table and do a bad job wrapping presents on her birthday like i just want him to live out the rest of his life with his #1 priority always being el <3

murray: in jail for scamming the hollands out of their house

[beewithknee]

flood me like atlantic (2)

It was late, or technically early, when Aaron’s phone rang. He nearly ignored it before registering the caller.

“Asher? What’s up? You never call this late.” His voice was gruff and sleep-addled.

The line went silent.

“Hey.”

c.w - drug use

It was late, or technically early, when Aaron’s phone rang. He nearly ignored it before registering the caller.

“Asher? What’s up? You never call this late.” His voice was gruff and sleep-addled.

The line went silent.

“Hey.”

The blonde sat bolt-upright. “Where’s Asher? What happened? Who the fuck are you?” Panic raced through Aaron’s chest, worst-cases circling ominously.

The person on the other end sighed, “Uh, I'm really not meant to be doing this or you know… telling you. But to be fucking honest, I’m worried for Asher.”

Oh yes, that eased Aaron’s fears.

“What happened?” He gritted through clenched teeth. Voice hard. Eyes squinting as though to glare at them through the phone.

Illogical, yes. But Aaron wasn’t exactly thinking rationally.

Jay’s head thunked back against the brick wall behind them, eyebrows furrowed, “Okay. I’m Jay, I’m a dealer at the club. Look…” They trailed off into a sigh, rubbing at their eyes.

The cigarette between their fingers gave them at least a little courage.

Please don’t hate me for this, baby. They prayed to any God, and Asher himself, that he'd listen.

Aaron winced, “Go on. Please.”

“Baby… Sorry, Asher, he’s really fucked up. Slurring his words, being used by random people, type of fucked up. I’m a little worried about him and he won't accept my help. He trusts you, never shuts up about you actually.”

Jay laughed lightly, smiling at the lovesick grin Asher always sported when talking about his ‘ scary ass but so hot neighbour ’

“I know you’ve been out a couple of times and Asher likes you. Just…. please come. You don't have to speak to him again after this, I just can't do this, I’m sorry.” They admitted, eyes clouding with tears at their own failure.

Aaron was already out of bed and pulling on clothes by the time this “Jay” was done talking.

“What’s the address?” He huffed out, pointedly ignoring how his fingers shook while tying his shoes.

They recited it, while Aaron plugged it into his phone. “Give me 15 minutes. Keep Asher safe until then.”

A heavy breath was heard through the phone, “Yeah… Yeah, no, of course.” It sounded like they had broken out of deep thought and that didn't reassure Aaron.

“I’m serious. If he's not okay by the time I get there, I’m finding you next. Got it?”

It wasn’t often that Aaron flexed his ‘dom-voice’ as Ollie called it, but sometimes it worked just that extra bit. Jay stuttered an affirmative and hung up - presumably to go find the wandering drunk.

His shoelaces were deceptively hard to do up with trembling fingers. In all honesty, Aaron couldn’t have told you what clothes he put on. His eyes were unfocused, unseeing; mind entirely focused on the man who should’ve been home with him.

Home.

He craved to bring Asher home, to bring him somewhere warm and safe and out of harm’s reach. Somewhere Aaron could protect him and… and love him the way he deserved.

He loved Asher.

Oh.

Oh no.

This was bad.

Fuck.

Shaking that particular thought from his head, Aaron was out of his house and in his car quicker than he could ever remember.

The streets were a blur through his shiny tears as he raced against the clock to get to his… well whatever Asher was to him.

Aaron had never been religious, not since Elliott developed his disorder and he’d lost all stability in his life. Lost his brother. But that night… that night he prayed to a God he didn’t believe in, anything to keep his boy safe.

No… not his boy. The boy. Asher.

Anything to keep Asher safe.

[certifiedbitch777]

The Concept of Intention

Entry Date: 2/12/2024 2:52pm

Today is Monday, and I'm supposed to be working right now, but everything in my body was fighting me from doing so. I did what I thought was best and called out, and god, am I glad.

I hate my job. I hate corporate culture, but I'm stuck here since this is the only thing that allows me to pay my bills. I would love to just write for a living. I don't care if it's to be an author, creative writer for a magazine, songwriter, or poet - I want any and all of it. It brings me peace.

These past days of trying to break bad habits and being consistent have made me deeply introspect. All I've been pondering is my purpose and what I want my life to look like, and I just end up back in the same spot. 

I want the freedom to express myself. I want the ability to carve out my own daily schedule and to follow the beat of my own drum. I want to be authentic. I want to be happy.

I just want to be happy.

In the world that we currently live in, it almost seems as if those in power are doing their best to prevent this from happening, but it's all I crave. I do my best to find joy in the little things, but it's just not in my nature to settle for crumbs when I know I can and deserve much more.

Over the past 5 years, what I wanted to do and be in life has changed dramatically. I honestly feel like I choose and hyper-focus on a vocation every 2 to 3 months. If I'm being honest, in each sprint, whichever career path I chose was never due to my genuine interest in them. It was all due to social, family, and financial expectations and pressure. 

My interest in all things linked to healthcare and technology was due to my family saying that it would be a reliable source of income. 'There will always be jobs for nurses or cybersecurity.' 'It would be a steady flow of income.' Obviously, my studying in those things lasted only a short time. My reason for indulging in it wasn't sustainable.

I also majored in Psychology for about 2 semesters in college. I actually really love the concept of psychology. The complexity of the human psyche completely fascinates. As much as I loved taking classes on it, I eventually dropped out of college due to my school requiring my broke ass to pay out of pocket because I failed 1 class :|. I was devastated, but a part of me always knew I wouldn't stick with it for long since school was never for me despite my academic success in my younger years. For background, I dropped out in 10th grade and got my GED shortly after my 18th birthday without studying :).

Between all of this exploring, I worked in various retail and warehouse jobs. Honestly, I quit those jobs at the drop of a hat because the pay would never match the stress. One thing I did enjoy was the amount of free time I had. The schedule was flexible, and I could get a lot done in a day or week since I sometimes did double shifts to have more days off. As much as the scheduling for the job was compatible with my dream life, the pay and terrible benefits nowhere near offset the latter.

Last but not least, I currently work at a top corporate company. I got in due to an apprenticeship, and they offered me a full-time offer. I will forever be grateful for that, as I was sure I would be fucked as both a high school and college dropout. They've provided me with stability I could only dream of, along with excellent benefits. However, what makes me not willing to settle for this is the lack of work-life balance I have. I work at least 6 days a week and over 12 hours most days. I have no life, happiness, or drive for anything anymore. It's as if I had to sell and exchange my soul for this life. And now I live the life of a corporate zombie with my world being filled with black and white instead of vibrant colors.

Why am I giving all this context of all my different career changes? Because I was never genuinely intentional with each path I explored. As a result, nothing worked out the way I thought it would. 

I've been applying to random jobs with mid to high salaries for over 2 years now, and I've gotten a rejection for every single one. Although that could be a result of how terrible the job market is, the way I view it, it didn't work out for a reason. It wasn't meant for me, and I only applied to them for superficial reasons, not because I was genuinely interested in them.

I want to be more intentional in everything I do in this life. Whether it's the food I eat, how I present myself, my morals and values, or even the line of work I want to pursue. I want to be the best version of me and only me. 

This is why I want to write for a living. It's been a common denominator in my life since I was as young as 5. I've always loved writing. Whether it was storytelling, music, or even something as simple as journaling, I felt aligned with what I was supposed to be doing. Even when I am blogging to absolutely nobody, I feel happy. I feel fulfilled spreading my truth no matter how ugly or beautiful.

The concept of intentional living was spoken about long before my mother was born. I thought I was doing so, but that couldn't be further from the truth. I challenge and hope that anyone who comes across this post begins the journey of self that will lead to a life of fulfillment.

[ifidiedinadream]

What are your favourite things about Aleksi? 👀

uuuuhh dear get ready for an essay

it's most definitely a product of idealization but in my head it makes sense. it's gonna be kinda deep and personal and not just a list of features i deem attractive, more why he's attractive to me specifically. it's gonna be super cringe and maybe i'm simply too desperate and lonely and should download tinder again idk

to me aleksi seems sweet, kind and patient. i'm a pain in the ass to deal with when you get close but i think he'd be able to. i think he's self aware and sensitive, at least to some degree, or else he wouldn't be able to calm people down from anxiety/panic attacks. its extremely attractive to me because emotionally speaking i'm all over the place, whereas aleksi appears to be somewhat stable and emotionally mature. i like that he seems a pretty balanced person in a way, reserved just how i like, but not boring at all - in fact i like that despite all of this, even in his (at least apparent) calmness, he still takes risks (joins a band and we all know the circumstances, isn't afraid to play with his appearance and not fit in a box). i love how passionate ("nerdy") he is, he's witty and smart, yet he doesn't try to be the center of attention. i feel like his charm is very subtle, i didn't even notice him for the first two weeks i was into bc, too blinded by joel's inhumane beauty, but once i noticed him there was never a turning back. he's simply magnetic. ive never seen eyes like his before. his lips look incredible. his jawline is very sexy.

basically i think we'd be a good match. we're both on the introverted, private side - our character somehow matches, i think we're both the responsible, reliable ones, but also i think he'd be that "rock" (stability) i so desperately need in my life (listen, i'm 27, i've done many things in my life, most of them stupid, i have bpd and i'm tired. i really need calmness and serenity and that quiet happiness that only a healthy relationship could offer?? not that i've ever had anything like a healthy relationship idk). and the fact that i see an unknown intensity under that seraphic facade?? it keeps me obsessed because i feel that there's something underneath, yet aleksi never shows that side of himself to us (rightfully so, i appreciate it), so we can only imagine what it's like. i think it's what makes him so alluring to me. i wonder how intense he can be. how deep he can love. he never truly shows himself to us fully and what's more intriguing than that??

so i think it's a matter of contrasts. calm yet intense, self aware yet self conscious (HIS FUCKING POSTURE), handsome yet not loudly so (unlike, say, joel), passionate yet quiet, funny yet introverted, a rockstar yet very low-profile. soft and gentle but who knows what lies beneath??

i like joeleksi so much because i'm totally joel, literally like him only quieter on the outside, and i love writing aleksi being the only one able to make the sky in joel's mind clear up, halt the storm. i feel like he'd do that to me.

aleksi and joel are both my favorite but aleksi is a full blown crush and joel isn't, not really anymore at least. i'm attracted to joel for projection reasons mostly, im very interested in him from a psychological point of view, in him as a person and human being. i would never date him. i think we'd hurt each other a lot and as i said i crave serenity. aleksi on the other hand... in my head he's a perfect match for me. exactly what i want and need in a man and more

[medievalcellphone]

hello your astrology readings are a fascinating delight... do you have thoughts for a scorpio sun cancer moon, rising sag with first house venus in capricorn? <3 thank you if you take the time.

scorpios...... i luv u all. with that and a cancer moon you must have strong convictions and r one to stand by them. like in some areas you have an ability to compromise, tho maybe it takes you a while, in other areas you simply cannot compromise. scorpio sun plus sag rising = creative. sorry. u are creative. u might benefit artistically from collaborating with others.... you are a taste maker of sorts.

the world that your consciousness inhabits is funneled through your intuition, perception and self introspection. you are at home when it comes to emotions, even if it's analyzing from a distance. you might have some blockage trusting yourself, fulfilling your quote un quote dreams, feeling safe revealing who you are/what you want on a grander scale maybe because of a need to please, or adapt to surroundings for self preservation-y reasons. like, if something makes it easier for others you'd rather go with that. more so in a public sense.

you are really sensitive to the moods of others and can easily fall into the general vibe of whatever others are bringing to a situation. 4better or 4worse. it can be hard for you to let go of the intensity of the emotional aspects of life. don't be clinging onto past hurt, don't like text an ex, dont be assuming the worst in others. you are a loyal person, you are a sentimental person, this chart really gives firmly planted in making sense of the world and doing the best you can with it. cancer moons are always deeply caring and incredibly understanding. but a placement with the tendency to be moody?

first house venus is wild bro in capricron at that! you crave stability in a relationship most of all. maybe it is hard to express your love, or deal with any sort of emotional/romantic uncertainty. you might be afraid of sharing yourself and your thoughts. maybe there is a fear of being the first one to say something. but venus in the first house is a great placement, you have an inherently magnetic/attractive personality. cap venus really enforces the moon in cancer um, like i said, big self preservation vibe. i would assume when it comes to taking care of yourself, you might recede into hermit the tarot card mode. the people you love you love very very intensely- they might feel like your only real sense of security.. something that is super important to hang onto. if you really really rEAlly trust someone, you let them in entirely. but most of the time u tend to project an image of being strong and end up working through emotions privately which can be badddd. talk to ppl more share things more.

ahh! so this is a concentrated chart. not like the chart shape but just. this comes across as a person with incredible focus when they find a place/whatever places they apply themselves to. but like. it has to be the right thing. this chart has purpose and depth of understanding, a guarded and very protective of oneself and others. fixation on one thing/tunnel vision sounds like a potential problem. that could be in many areas. don't romanticize the past! rely on your cautiousness but don't give into it.

i feel like i made this sound so intense, i don't mean 2 at all. scorpios aren't at all self serious they're just really perceptive, and with intensified perception comes a certain aura of Deep Thoughts (fixed ass sign). and all this being said, sag risings are so fun to be around, bright personalities, brings the fun with them, adventurous, everyone needs a friend with a sag rising im so serious. this is what ur chart is wearing in my mind:

here is a a song and another song and a movie

[sparatus]

Oh please I need to know about the des mafia au! 😘

YES god this one lives in my head fucking rent-free

wip title game

desolas mafia au

so this one actually started as a bit of a crackpot idea with @korblez because oops the friend oc intertwiner machine ran overboard. he has a whole clan of ocs for the turian mob, and through some timeline crack figuring we figured out that in my verse, the raid that killed desolas and saren's parents happened not terribly long before his oc marius left the military to found the zuikos'i, and that just kindaaaa "hey des has the personality of a mob boss, what if" and here we are

for setup: in 2118, desinian and veniria arterius are killed in a pirate raid on the remote colony town of ifura on carthaan, leaving their sons desolas (age 24) and saren (age 5) orphaned. desolas, serving his mandatory service in the army, was a part of the responding squadron, but arrived too late, and was the one to find his parents' bodies and rescue his brother from the woods behind the house where their mother had told him to hide. a couple years later, desolas has turned bitter and aggressive, having refused therapy for his growing depression and ptsd, instead clinging tightly to his last living family members (his brother, as well as his paternal grandmother and great-grandfather) and the few friends still stationed with him. saren has gone selectively mute, never making a sound except to wail inconsolably when separated from his aforementioned 3 relatives. major marius cassi, desolas's CO at the base on taetrus he was sent to after bereavement leave, sees the potential in him that's being smothered by his own downward spiral, and his heart breaks for him. when events in his own life lead marius to say "fuck it", leave the military, and found his own criminal organization, he makes the offer to desolas to leave with him and join him.

in the main verse, des of course turns him down, wanting the stability of the military so he can make sure his little brother will be provided for, but in this au he accepts, and joins marius in founding the zuikos'i. from there, i have a sort of trilogy:

the first fic is the setup, following both desolas and saren. with desolas we see the founding of the zuikos'i and his relationship with marius, finding a surrogate father figure in him as he navigates his own grief and trauma that he hasn't been allowing himself to process because he felt that saren needed him more. with saren, we stay home with the rest of the cassi family and watch him slowly heal and grow in his own right, and through his internal monologue learn more about what this little (selectively) mute child has seen that he will never give voice to.

in the second, we fast forward several years. this one is desabrudas-centric; desolas is a fully-fledged mob boss in his own right, while his old friend from the taetrus base valis abrudas has become an officer. both of them still remember the other and the bond they shared, and regret not being able to stay together, and hope the other is doing well. when a chance encounter pits them against each other, desolas gets a wild hare up his ass to pull valis over to his side, while she becomes determined to bring him in one way or the other, each remembering who the other used to be craving what they used to have. so begins a game of cat-and-mouse, a friends-to-enemies-to-lovers dance across the stars; the only question is, will she drag him back to the hierarchy by his crest, or will he sway her over to a life of crime?

the third main fic is kryterius. in this au, nihlus's father never dies, and nihlus grows up to be a rough-and-tumble terminus merc just like his parents before him. saren, meanwhile, is an enforcer, and isn't particularly invested in the job, but it's a good outlet for the destructive energy his biotics make while letting him pursue other interests on the side, plus he idolizes his big brother, so he's willing to stick with it. they cross paths by chance during a skirmish, and then keep crossing paths, to the point nihlus starts to mock saren that it's because saren is into him. while saren venting about the annoying shithead bastard freelancer who he definitely doesn't think is attractive no sir that keeps getting in his way, marius overhears and takes a surprising amount of interest, and saren is tasked with bringing nihlus in, alive. along the course of the hunt, saren slowly unravels more about this annoying red freelancer and his connection to marius - and, against his will, realizes he actually kinda doesn't want to throttle him too hard.

so, basically: heavily extremely self-indulgent au featuring a lot of friend worldbuilding (like, this would be a joint project, this would be a NoisyNoiverns-korblez collab crossover extravaganza patent pending) and des being a smarmy bastard and saren being a pining maybe-demi gay mess, thank you for your time

[shallowseeker]

okay you know how mary was like weirdly against jody just bc she was A Woman In Her Sons Lives (she had a sarcastic comment about Jody mothering them....mary babe they were born in the same decade). anyway. with that in mind how do you think mary would react to meeting ellen, her son's actual surrogate mother?

I so love questions like this. My bestest tumblr friends give me excuses to ramble into the quiet of the night. Anyway, there are some wonderful opportunities for tensions between Ellen and Mary, but I'm not convinced the main ones have anything to do with Sam or Dean.

///

1. The old wound of John using Bill as bait. There's potential for Ellen to distrust Mary. At worst, she might displace anger of Bill's death onto Mary. This could manifest as Ellen refusing to go around Mary or being contrarian to the point of undermining Mary's authority, questioning her tactics, and nitpicking her decisions (in the guise of playing Devil's advocate ofc).

This would aggravate and heighten Mary's natural defense mechanism for dealing with fear and insecurity: "my way or highway."

///

2. Training Jo. Jo has some personality characteristics that are very like John: a heritage of hunting but being new to hunting itself and the very nature of hunting to feel close to a father. So, I think this hunting partnership would feel very comfortable for Mary.

When it comes to her own children, Mary wants to protect Sam and Dean from hunting (at least, at first). This is part of why she leans into blaming Cas as "co-protector-surrogate-spouse" in season 12 & why she's so vulnerable to the British Men of Letters' pitch, "a world without monsters."

But with Jo, there's none of that parental baggage. Mary naturally operates in a fatherly way to Jo. To Jo, Mary becomes Samuel. Ergo, you get an unhinged Ellen trying to forbid a Mary-Jo mentorship. Depending on the timeline and how frosty things are with Winchester dynamics, you might also get a frustrated and jealous Sam or Dean (of Jo)!

I'd bet my whole ass that Ellen would not jive with the above two mistakes of Mary's: Ellen naturally gravitated towards Cas's personality and stability, so she'd hold a grudge here, and she's so naturally suspicious of others that she'd hate British MoL. (Jo, on the other hand, could totally get sucked in for the grand sense of purpose, I think.)

///

Mode of hunting: Ellen does hunt, but her whole way of operating is different to Mary.

Ellen likes having a homebase and she likes being a shelter. She's a bit like how older Dean turned out in this regard. (Interesting that one of Dean's dreams was to own a safe harbor/roadhouse/hunting bar.)

Ellen gets very explosive and controlling when it comes to protecting loved ones, and when danger arrives, her first instinct is to yank everyone else out of the fight. Her fears are big and strong, and they come out mean. (It's not that Ellen is scared for herself. She's brave enough to face a bear bare-handed; just don't put her husband/daughter/loves ones in the line of fire)!

Mary, on the other hand, seems more comfortable being more nomadic in general, despite having relatively stable-ish parents + family home growing up (by hunter standards, anyway).

This is a part of Mary that's like Sam. I think having Samuel and Deanna somewhat stabilized her childhood and made this "mode" of operating feel safer for Mary, just as having Dean as caretaker made branching out feel a little safer for Sam (comparatively). At their worst though, like practically everyone in Supernatural, both give away their personhood to missions. That age-old desire to make up for personal failings in life / spare their loved ones / save the world, etc., and so, they become become reckless.

Whereas Dean and Ellen both crave being a little more stationary, or at least tethered to a home, to feel more emotionally secure.

///

Anyway, that's all I thought of tonight!

I might add to this later and revisit some Ellen-Jo arguments! I recently rewatched those seasons, and though I remembered Ellen fondly, she never struck me as particularly motherly to Sam and Dean, outside of the abstract notion of it.

As for Mary, her aloofness to Jody was influenced by her British MoL brainwashing, I believe. Her bitterness was informed by her fresh grief, loss of purpose, feeling iced out, not fitting into current time, and plugging that space with the heroic depersonalization of mission above all else. I'll throw away my personhood to get rid of the monsters, so you can be happy and get the life you deserve. I don't matter (and maybe my happiness is lost to me, anyways).

The bitterness that accompanied it all was so interesting, too.

At some point, she uses the SPN-time-honored phrase, "I'm doing this...for you. (To protect you.)" Mary chooses war and goes soldier-mode. Ellen doesn't seem to dissociate/compartmentalize quite the same way--at least, not that we see on screen?

[thegodwhocums]

polythiest asks: 19, 11

Oh my gosh! I meant to reblog @flamingkorybante 's responses but you're right, I posted an ask meme! Ok let's do this.

19. How have your Gods affected your life?

Hoooooo… more than I can say. When I was about 13 and just getting into Wicca, which was all I could find (it was like 2001), I tried plugging into the Celtic pantheon and Brigid in particular and it just never clicked. I made some futile efforts towards Artemis when I was older, and Athena, and Apollo, all Strong or Logical or Independent or Rational gods that look like white people in the picture books, and nothing clicked. Dead air, no signal. Closed that chapter, moved on.

In 2007, I became a professional drag king and started describing myself as transgender and genderqueer. In 2011, I started thinking about Dionysos. I found that strange, internally, bc what does the party god have to do with my uptight, basically straightedge ass? Drunken debauchery? No thank you. Then I read Hermaphrodeities by Raven Kaldera (I'll let someone else explain who that is). That book described a Dionysos I could relate to - queer, mixed divinity, mixed race, an outsider, mad; someone with the freedom that I in my Spartan anhedonia craved. In February 2012, my partner channeled the god and he spoke to me. I still have the exchange.

Since then I would say that Dionysos has been instrumental in me taking steps to become more comfortable in my skin, my brain, and my heart. I have made friends, built relationships, and been places that never would have occurred if not for the shared enthusiasm for D. (Some good, some bad, of course, but all definitely influential.) He was with me as I prepared for surgery, and his mentor Cybele was there to receive our blood offerings when Rocket and I had healed. He was with me onstage, in the doctor's office, in forests and mountains and fields, as I mythologized my suffering and found a way through. He was with me when my mental health bottomed out and he was with me on the hotline when I begged for help not dying. He was with me as I went onto head meds, and then he was quiet, and when I went back off head meds he was there waiting for me. I think my heart has opened, I have become kinder, and my spirit has become freer with the help of Dionysos. I am still learning to love and enjoy my body, and he is still there helping me to do so.

There are other deities but he has always been at the center of my practice, and in many ways of my world.

I have an ancestral practice as well, so if we want to include those spirits as "deities," they have helped me buy a house for my chosen family (and the house next door as we grew!), find financial stability, keep my family safe, and quiet those who would do us harm. Seriously, if I were to embed one piece of advice in this response, it would be that your ancestors want you to thrive, let them help you.

11. Do you pray? If so, what do your prayers look like?

For a while I had a daily devotional practice, but at this point in my life prayers are more for special occasions. I don't usually need to ask the gods for anything - and usually I know what they want me to work on or bring them, so the only purpose in communicating is to say thank you. When I do that, the format is usually:

light a candle particular to that deity

burn some incense

purify myself some way (it varies)

invoke them by name and with a series of epithets

read or sing a prayer or hymn (orphic, etc), or a poem

say what I need to say

sit quietly for a while

say "thank you"

bow

put out the candle

The one regular practice I do have is that every week I change out the water in all the offering glasses on both altars (personal deity altar and house ancestor altar), and when I do that I do invoke each entity or family line and say thank you. I usually dust and reset or redecorate the altars monthly.

[subterra-rose]

hard agree with your toh concepts post... i literally think about what's going on with belos' goop curse and how it happened plus also palisman carving, how Exactly belos came to power, and collector and titan lore Every day of my life. and plus like. PLEASE. and i know it's Kinda implied i guess but HOW has peepaw belos survived for 400 YEARS!!!! Damn!!!!!!

and ik im also the anon who's sent asks about them before but every single thing grimwalker related im also insane about and slightly salty there's not more info on... plus like. hunters inner conflict with the whole Clone thing in general? and like hunter Literally was reading a book called The Grimwalker Extinction. Tf was going on with that!! i wonder do average folk in the boiling isles even know what a grimwalker is?? does it vary from person to person??

also. How did lilith get to keep her palisman in the emperor's coven. the people (me) crave answers. i love her silly bird. obvious disclaimer though im not actually mad about these things it's just. shakes fist angrily at cloud (mouse)

Okay anon I’m about to crazy under the cut

So first off, in my mind the deal with Lilith and her palisman is partly due to two factors: 1) Belos needs to make sure the time loop is complete and taking away her staff might have impeded that 2) I always HC’d that he kept a close eye on the Clawthornes (maybe due to Evelyn…?) because they were known palistrom carvers, so keeping a relatively neutral relationship with them would be better for him in the long run. Taking her palisman away might’ve have caused even greater tension and I think maybe it would be a risk he’s willing to take to make sure his plans stay secure. I also think Mike Socks the Raven has the strongest plot armour in the show. ( Lilith is also badass as hell so she would’ve whipped Belos’ old ass like she did 370 years ago if he tried taking it /j)

The theory I tend to stick to for Belos’ aging and extended lifespan hinges on the speculation that palisman are shown to have longevity (ie Flapjack). Personally, I’m ascribed to the idea that every 10 years is about 1-2 years physically for Philip at this point? However, given he can possess the grimwalkers and other living things, I kind of feel like maybe this might not be his original body? Or at least he might have used a previous grimwalker to heal himself in some way. I wonder if there was a certain point in his lifespan where he started doubting if it was worth it due to the havoc he was wreaking on himself (probably not lol)

Hunter and the extinction of the grimwalkers is super interesting to think about bc it’s like? They’re clones, how could they really be going extinct? I sort of figure they were regulated at a certain point because it could get messy. I kind of think of it like how pet cloning is a thing as bad as it sounds. You’re not guaranteed to get something that was 100% the same as the original because of the assortment of genes. Maybe after a while it got banned because it was an unpredictable science? I feel like a lot of the books we see in the Bonesborough library kind of imply you can find these topics, but I’d imagine witches who are more specialized know about them? I don’t think Hunter would’ve snuck back to the castle to find books about grimwalkers, so that’s probably the safest bet imo?

My Belos goop HC kind of has to do with the grimwalker recipe? Palistrom is known to act as a source of keratin which supports the skin mainly (and epithelial cells) and heals wounds. I think because of this, palistrom not only acts as a stabilizer for his form, but the magic he absorbs acts as a conduit for the glyphs until it’s metabolized if that makes sense? I kind of wish there was something about how he discovered they would help though? Maybe he saw a witch get injured and a palisman heal them, then attempted to do the same?? We don’t really get any sort of implication like that outside of Belos I think except in Thanks for Them? And even then I assumed that’s because Hunter was a grimwalker at first, not that it was an ability that palisman had in the first place.

I could go off more, but I’ll leave it at this rn lol

[starrygender]

hi! how are you??!!!

-dumpling anon

i wrote a whole response to this and then the app crashed 💀 im gonna [REDACTED].

anyways my original point is that im fine. were fine. our uncle loves and respects us in ways weve never experienced from our own mother, and were thriving. we have been watching wednesday together and i really enjoy it.

i hit a capillary for the first time taking my testosterone, which started in panic-induced hijinks and ended in "oh im fine actually".

i have winter clothes and boots now. and running shoes.

i was treated to cicis pizza, the mediocre pizza buffet my poor ass grew up loving. its still terrible and mediocre, but its no longer affordable to the poor. my uncle is slightly less poor than average so he had the money to splurge tonight. that, and he usually makes his own food, so spending on food is very rare for him. i stuffed myself so full of pizza that i was in physical pain. they had an air hockey machine that we had to blindly pay for to get who knows how many points until we could play... so we just left instead.

im slowly introducing my uncle to the world of videogames, specifically starting with project diva and pokemon.

im trying really hard to fall asleep.

im on mood stabilizers now, which seem to be working really well.

weve gotten way too many headmates considering how peaceful life has been.

im growing chest and facial hair, just naturally from the t alone. woah.

im drinking much more water now.

i have several journals to write through.

i have a cane.

i love to go through my fathers pokemon card deck that we shared when i was a kid. i have his urn on my windowsill.

i have a signed picture of my old highschool math teacher in my bookshelf just because i think its funny.

im studying how to drive.

im really sleepy as of writing this (it is 5AM).

i have new drink mixes to cut out more sugar in exchange for more water (i used to put snowcone syrup in my water).

i finally know where to go to get testing for my mental health concerns.

i have 4 worms on strings in my room.

my uncle bought me a roku tv when i first moved in.

my uncle loves potpourri.

im craving a new (real, adult) boy to obsess over and have permission to love on despite the feelings being one-sided (yes this has happened on multiple occasions. itd be better if the boy could be mine, as in were dating or something, but this is what ive settled with for quite some time in the past and im okay with that). this may be related to my cluster b traits, but thats okay. doting on some guy i have an obsessive crush on with his consent (despite the fact that he doesnt feel the same) feels really good.

tagging @woo-catwaffles for the update