nkhealth

[theforesteldritch]

My mom's going back to university to study to become a therapist and her biopsych textbook is... interesting. It straight up states that XX chromosomes=female and XY=male, no variation or exceptions, forget about the existance of monosomy or trisomy of sex chromosomes I guess let alone AIS, Swyer syndrome or de la chappelle syndrome. Oh but wait it gets worse. It later brings up intersex variations as 'exceptions that prove the rule' of bullshit binary ideas about sex and brings up some case studies, one of which is about a woman with CAIS and then proceeds to invite a debate over if she should be told the truth and that she has CAIS. Im going to fucking rip a wall apart, at least my mom has me as the context to know that that's bullshit, but what about people that just take that at face value? People that want to go on to be psychologists or therapists? They're going to fuck any intersex patients up so bad if they think it's debatable if we should be told the truth about our intersex-ness, and not only that but think its ok to surgically 'treat' us without telling us or giving any semblance of informed consent.

I'm reminded of how I read about how one intersex woman had to break into her doctor's office to steal her medical records, because she knew something was up but even as an adult they refused to tell her. And how intersex people are far more likely to have poor physical and mental health, a good chunk of that probably attributable to the fact that shit like this happens and so we're probably more likely to avoid doctors and mental health professionals and not trust them, for pretty good reason. Some of the things I went through during diagnosis and right after and some of the things they did were traumatic and violating. But at least they fucking told me I have CAIS and gave me a say in my plan for treatment/monitoring when I pushed back. The bar is so low that despite how horrible and traumatic some of that and how I was treated was, to the point where I'm still processing certain things almost 3 years later, by other standards I got incredible care. Because at least they fucking told me. That is the bare fucking minimum. No, that's lower than the minimum, or should be, but we've been mistreated by the medical system so much that telling us we're intersex at all is a step in the direction of progress.

But people, supposedly mental health professionals and doctors, want to debate if we should be granted the basic decency of knowing.

[year2000electronics]

I absolutely LOVELOVELOVE your Reverse Falls HCs from what I've seen :). I would love to ask more about so much aspects haha.

What is Reverse Ford's main goal in this universe?

What is Ford' and Stanley's backstory?

Mind sharing some info about Reverse! Dipper and Reverse! Mabel?

HOKAY. i will use this ask to talk a little about the reverse stans' backstories because i have Some Ideas. as always full answer under cut bc its got images and rambles galore

in my mind, the gleeful family association with magic & the supernatural starts with caryn's phone psychic business, and ford having "The Gift" while stan ABSOLUTELY doesnt. but in real terms that means just having a really strong intuition and being able to guess well. (at least thats what filbrick and caryn thing. ford genuinely thinks he has some semblance of psychic ability and so does his mom, but they just havent properly honed it yet) and so ford is the preferred child for that, instead of his smarts really. ford is also obsessed with the supernatural still, but it's more focused on the magical aspect.

ford and stan's relationship ends up being close because stan is the only one who believes ford about magic. i mean there are other reasons but thats very important to ford

ford, seeing how stan has always had his back by believing what he says about magic, offers to try and "tutor" stan into having The Gift. drilling him for hours by holding up cards and making him guess, stuff like that. but yknow, since both of them are kinda clamoring to inherit their mom's business, stan kinda ends up relying on ford for everything, and theyre taking on almost a mentor-student relationship when theyre Literally Brothers.

instead of west coast tech, the scholarship ford is being offered is for a famous performing arts school after his teachers saw him take the leads in school plays year after year. they tell him a scout will be at their school's talent show, and ford decides he's going to put on a stage magic show (with stan as his assistant). this time, not only is stan worried about ford leaving, but also, since they've both been working towards a really similar thing (performing for a crowd), he's really worried he'll never get a chance to show off that HE has skill, too! ford brushes him off about this saying that he'll put a good word in for stan when he's at performing arts school and stan is like "ok." and agrees to be his assistant.

in the middle of ford's show, he goes rogue, trying to show the scouts that he can be just as skilled as ford is, and completely screws up the trick he ends up performing. ford doesnt get that internship, ford is furious, so is filbrick, stan gets kicked out, you know the rest.

ford goes to backupsmore and double-majors in both theatre and whatever he majors in in the show. he plans to move to gravity falls because of its high ratings of weirdness. after stan got kicked out, instead of becoming a traveling salesman, he becomes a street magician who doubles as a pickpocket. stealing peoples' watches and stuff. he runs around all over the place

ford digs up four mystic amulets once he gets to gravity falls and stays there for a while, and is like "oh man i can USE these". so how i imagine the amulets to work is that they're kinda like, a conduit through which you can learn legit magic? like casting spells and stuff. but he probably only needs one so he keeps the other three in his house (and that's how the kids eventually find the others)

and of course thats how he starts up the tent of telepathy!

but he wants more. he wants to make the world pay for ever calling him a six fingered freak. and he wants to prove to the world that his magic IS real. he can't just lie sequestered in gravity falls forever. so he goes hunting for more answers about gravity falls' weirdness, and how he might be able to get more POWER to make a show so good the entire world will see... and that's how he summons will cipher! will tells him about the portal, and how itll open up a dimension of weirdness into his own, and ford accepts on those terms, looking out just for himself. then he asks fidds to come help with the portal, fidds walks out on him, he shackles will to him in a deal, but they both realize they don't have the manpower to run the portal. reluctantly, ford calls stan up, telling him to come and that it's important.

...but of course that doesnt go well. stan initiates a physical fight and ford ends up getting sucked into the portal. will is left alone with stan, who tells him he can buzz off because HE certainly doesnt want him around. stan works for the next 30 years to get ford back because he wants ford to finally be the one who has to suck up to HIM and owe HIM something.

at some point, mason and mabel's parents become unable to take care of them and give them to stan. he reluctantly takes them in, but soon after, not only do they find the amulets but also journal 2, and they end up reactivating ford's deal with will, getting passed down to the "next of kin" after stan rejected it. AND THATS SORTA WHERE THE SHOW STARTS. THUMBS UP.

[0cta9on]

Unlikely Duet - 6

length: +7k words

Genre: Fluff

NewJeans Minji x Male Reader (OC)

(Author's Note: I could've taken another day to edit this, but I wanted to upload it asap so here it is :^) Hopefully my writing isn't too garbage and I hope y'all enjoy <3)

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★

Minji’s POV

I could do nothing but pace around my room, anxiety fueling every step. Danielle was supposed to be here 20 minutes ago to drive us to the fair, but on this particular day of all days, she decides to be late. My vice president, the one who I can lean on when I’m overwhelmed with responsibilities and even more of a stickler for rules and punctuality compared to me, is late.

The brunt of my morning was spent avoiding my parents like the plague, staying cooped up in my room and eating my meals as quickly as possible. To them, it probably seems like I’m giving them the silent treatment for what they said last night (which I’m still upset about), but in reality, I was riddled with anxious thoughts and simply avoided speaking in case I accidentally let it slip that I was planning on lying to them. I’ve done it tons of times before, but every single time is nerve wracking. While I hate that it’s gotten to this point, I owe a lot of my sanity to what I’ve been able to get away with by lying. Besides, it’s probably better this way - my parents still believe that I’m their perfect daughter and I still get to have some semblance of a social life.

Like the sonorous tones of a church bell, a resounding ding emits from my phone. They’re here. With shaky hands, I grab my tote bag from my bed and carefully tiptoe down the stairs. Right as I reach the front door, my father calls out to me from the living room.

“Minji? Where are you going?” He asks, a look of curiosity on his face.

“O-oh, uhh, I guess I forgot to tell you this but I was actually planning on going to the library to study with Danielle today.” I grin at him, trying my best to sound convincing. Our eyes lock as he studies my expression for what feels like an eternity. It might just be my stress causing my eyes to play tricks on me, but there seems to be a hint of sadness in his expression, as if he doesn’t want me to go. I shake it off and refocus on the task at hand.

“Well, I better get going-”

“Wait,” he interrupts before leaving the room for a moment. He comes back with a $20 bill in his hands and offers it to me. “Here.”

Panic began to set in. Did he find out I was actually going to the fair? If he did, why would he be giving me money? Shouldn’t he be angry at me for lying to him?

“Um, what’s this for? We’re just going to the library,” I reiterate in hopes that my initial worries were wrong.

“In case you two get hungry after, you should get some snacks. Food fuels the brain.” The relief I felt after he said those words is better than any award I got in my entire academic career up to this point. Normally it would raise red flags for my father to be doing something uncharacteristic like this, but I didn’t care. I’m just glad to almost be free.

“Thanks,” I say as I take the cash. “I’ll see you later then.”

“Don’t stay out too late. Don’t be messing around while studying. And-”

I shut the door behind me before I could hear the rest of his sentence. It was probably some other generic dad advice, like “Don’t talk to strange boys at night” or something like that. The sight of Danielle’s mom’s car parked on the other side of the street was like seeing a boat heading your direction after being stranded on an island for 15 years. Hanni beckoned me from the passenger’s side window, an excited grin painted on her face.

“Hurry up girl, let’s go!!” She shouted. As I open the door to the backseat, Hyein and Haerin wave back at me.

“Hi Minji!”

“Yo.”

“Hi guys, sorry, my dad wanted to talk to me before I left,” I replied as I got in the car. “Danielle, what took you so long, I was pacing around my room for the past 20 minutes anxious out of my mind!”

“I’m sorry, there was something I had to take care of before I could take my mom’s car,” she apologizes as she tampers with the rearview mirror, clearly annoyed with its inability to swivel properly.

Hanni pops her head from the front seat. “Okay y’all, we just need to take a deep breath and calm down. We’re going to the fair to chill out and have fun, let’s not let petty things like this ruin the day before it’s even started, alright?” Haerin and Hyein nod enthusiastically, peering over at me to gauge my reaction. I close my eyes and take a deep breath in order to allow my mind to forget about the stress from my morning. Today is the day that I get to let loose and forget about all the pressures I face in my regular life. Nothing else matters but having fun. As I open my eyes again, I am welcomed by the smiling faces of my four dearest friends (Danielle was especially happy about finally fixing the rearview mirror). My lips curl into a smile as I look back at them.

“Yeah, you’re right, Hanni,” I admit. “Okay, let’s go!!” We all cheer as Danielle steps on the gas. Hanni turns up the radio, blasting a loud pop song that blares out of the windows as we cruise through the neighborhood.

______________________________________________________________

The lights, the sounds, the smells, everything about the fair was overwhelming in the best way possible. Large groups of friends and families meandered along the concrete pathways, talking and laughing as they try their hand at classic carnival games or satiate their hunger with fried food and extravagant sweets. A giant ferris wheel sat in the background, the sunlight peeking through its rotors. A wave of nostalgia washes over me as I’m reminded of old family memories. Before they pressured me into trying to obtain some kind of impossible perfection, I used to be able to exist simply as their daughter, who they loved and played with like any other child.

“Hey Minji, are you okay?” Hyein asks me. I snap out of my thoughts to find the girls looking back at me with concern.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just thinking about something,” I reassure them. “What do you guys wanna do first?”

“I don’t know Ms. President, what do you wanna do?” Hanni asks with a wide grin.

“Well, I guess we can-”

I freeze as I see a familiar face in the distance, intermingled with the crowd. Yuno is here. With the convenience store girl.

______________________________________________________________

Yuno’s POV

“Where the hell did he run off to?” I grumble as I struggle to search for Yujin in the crowd. The fair was more overwhelming than I could’ve imagined - it was difficult navigating through the sea of strangers without accidentally rubbing elbows with them, all while trying to find oxygen through the constant stench of fried foods and sugar wafting through the air. At the very least, the lights were pretty to look at and I would be lying if I said the ferris wheel didn’t pique my interest.

Winter chuckles at my annoyance. “Relax, he’s just getting a corndog. See, he’s on his way over here right now,” she says, gesturing through a gap in the crowd. Lo and behold, Yujin skips towards us with a corndog in hand and a stupid grin on his face.

“Look what I got!” He presents his fried snack to us with the excitement of a child presenting a drawing to their parents. An ungodly amount of ketchup and mustard drips off the corndog, creating a gross glob of orange on the ground.

“Is that healthy?” Winter asks, concern laced in her voice. Her words fall on deaf ears as Yujin chomps off a large piece, covering his mouth in sauce. I chuckle in disbelief, both deeply disturbed and quietly impressed, while Winter hands him a pack of napkins from her purse.

I take the opportunity to look around at my surroundings again. As I gazed out amongst the crowd of smiling faces, I suddenly felt out of place in it all, like I wasn’t allowed to be here. Everything felt so foreign to me, I wasn’t sure if I should feel at ease or on edge. Whether it’s paranoia or just a hunch, I couldn’t get rid of this nagging feeling at the back of my head.

“Hey Yuno?” Winter nudges me.

I turn my attention towards her. “What?”

“Isn’t that the student council president?”

My heart stops for a split second as I look down the other end of her finger. In the heart of the crowd is Minji, huddled around her friends. She’s wearing a simple outfit of a gray collegiate sweater and jeans, yet my eyes were naturally drawn to her like a magnet.

“Y-yeah, that’s her,” I stutter, trying to maintain composure.

“Mm, issa Danielle? Les go shay hi!” Yujin exclaims with a mouth full of food, running toward them before I could stop him.

“God dammit…”

“What’s wrong, do you not wanna say hi?” Winter asks as we follow the trail through the crowd Yujin left behind.

“It’s not that, it’s just… Whatever, let’s just go.” With every step I take, my heart rate begins to accelerate as, once again, fate pulls me towards Minji Kim.

______________________________________________________________

Minji’s POV

He’s coming this way!! Why is he coming this way?? Did he see me? Should I run? No, why would I run? Pull it together, Minji!! Maybe if I pretend I didn’t see him, he’ll just walk past me. Why would I do that?? Agh!!

“Ketchup… and mustard,” Haerin blurts out, drawing puzzled glances from the group. Suddenly, a boy wearing a white eyepatch emerges from the crowd, carrying a corndog smeared with red and yellow condiments.

“Danielle!!” He calls out, waving excitedly. “Hi!”

“Yujin? What are you doing here?” Danielle questions, a hint of surprise present in her voice.

“I’m with my friends!” The boy, Yujin, exclaims as Yuno and the convenience store girl appear behind him, drawing an impish grin from Hanni. I couldn’t help but feel underdressed when compared to convenience store girl’s flowery sundress and cardigan. “I didn’t expect to see you here too! This is great!”

“Uh yeah, I guess it is,” Danielle responds awkwardly before turning to us. “Um, this is Yujin, I’ve been helping him and his grandma out recently.”

“We’re friends!” He adds enthusiastically.

“Yeah, I suppose we are.” 

I couldn’t help but giggle at Danielle’s uncharacteristic awkwardness. Normally, she’s the serious voice of reason that stays calm under pressure, yet here she was, looking like an embarrassed older sister flustered by the antics of her younger sibling.

“It’s nice to meet you, Yujin,” I greet warmly. “I’m Minji, also a friend of Danielle’s.”

“Oh, you must be the student council president!” He replies eagerly. “These are my friends, Yuno and Winter. Yuno might look a little scary, but don’t worry, he only fights bad guys. He helped me and Winter out before! And Winter is really shy, but she’s really nice once you get to know her!”

“H-hello,” Winter stutters with a polite smile, while Yuno offers a simple nod. A flush of warmth colors my cheeks as our eyes briefly meet before we both quickly avert our gazes. Unfortunately, Hanni notices this and stifles a laugh, making my cheeks grow even warmer with embarrassment.

“Hello, I’m Hyein!” Our youngest chimes in. “This is Haerin, and that over there is Hanni! It’s nice to meet you all!”

As the group falls into casual conversation, I can’t help but peer over at Yujin’s eyepatch and be reminded of my conversation with Yuno last night. Despite his injuries, he’s chock full of energy and vibrancy that contrasts with Yuno’s usual solitary and soft-spoken demeanor. The difference in their personalities is cute in a way. Winter, on the other hand, shares many similarities with Yuno. Like him, she’s very soft-spoken and a little awkward, but has an aura of kindness around her despite that. I imagine the two of them got along well because of this - for some reason, this fact irks me.

“Since we’re all here to let loose at the fair, why don’t you guys join us? The more the merrier I always say, isn’t that right, Minj?” Hanni says, nudging my ribs with her elbow. I didn’t even have to look at her to know what kind of face she’s making. 

Coincidentally, my eyes meet Yuno’s once again, and I quickly break away as I think of what to say. I would hate to butt into Yuno’s time with his friends, but a voice in the back of my head was telling me otherwise.

“Yeah, you guys can join us if you want to,” I say as I give into the voices. My lips curl into a smile, but inside, I couldn’t shake the feeling of butterflies in my stomach. Yuno appears taken aback at my answer as a slight pinkish hue grows on his cheeks. The group moves through the crowd looking for what to do first with Yujin leading the way and Yuno trailing close behind. I stay in the back, letting my complicated feelings fester.

“H-hello, Minji.” Winter’s soft voice interrupts my thoughts, and I turn to find her trailing behind the group alongside me. Her simple makeup look is subtle, yet it perfectly accentuated her natural beauty. Pair that with her cute outfit and she could have any guys she wants. A shiver went through my spine at the thought.

“What’s up?” I ask, trying my best to act natural.

“I just wanted to ask if you’re doing okay. I never got the chance to after what happened that night.”

My mind flashes back to when Yuno and Winter had saved me from that drunk man a couple days ago. I was too terrified and too weak to protect myself, yet this timid girl jumped in front of him to protect me. And here I am, feeling all weird because I think she looks prettier than me.

“I’m doing fine now. Thanks again for that, I owe you one,” I express.

She quickly shakes her head at my offer. “Y-you don’t have to do that. If you want, I can give you a can of pepper spray. I have a couple more of them at home.”

A chuckle escapes my lips, and Winter seems to loosen up at this. “I might have to take you up on that offer,” I say, half-jokingly. A wave of shame washes over me as I suddenly felt bad for being jealous of her. Maybe the events of this morning still have their effects on me or maybe I ate something bad earlier, but something feels off with me today and I’m not sure why.

“Guys, look over here!” Yujin shouts excitedly from the front of the group, pointing at a giant Spider-man plush sitting on a prize table for a basketball game. Two basketball hoops stood tall before him, much higher than a regular basketball hoop. “I HAVE to get this for my room!” He quickly pays the game attendant, who places three basketballs on the counter in front of him.

“Alright, the game is simple. All you have to do is make at least one basket and you get a prize,” the worker explains. Yujin takes the first ball and psyches himself up, giving the ball a couple dribbles before throwing it… And completely missing the hoop.

“Aw man,” he groans in disappointment. “Yuno, why don’t you try?”

Yuno accepts the challenge, gripping the second ball with steely determination. I watch with bated breath as the ball leaves his hands. It soars high into the sky… and completely misses the hoop. The ball shoots way over the hoop and ends up knocking a corndog out of someone’s hand. The girls and I struggle to stifle our laughter as Yuno’s cheeks turn a bright red.

“A-ah… Shit…” He curses under his breath. “M-maybe Winter should try…”

Winter steps forward, her hands shaking as she grips the final ball. We all freeze with anticipation as she shoots the ball towards the hoop. Miraculously, it arcs perfectly in the air and lands through the hoop with a satisfying swoosh. A scattered array of claps and cheers erupt from some bystanders that witnessed that moment, but none are as ecstatic as Yujin, who jumps and cheers with the excitement of a kid on his birthday.

“Congratulations, ma’am! Which prize would you like?” The worker asks her.

“T-the Spiderman p-please,” Winter stammers, accepting the toy and handing it to Yujin.

“Ahhh!!! Winter, you’re the best!!!” He screams, drawing a variety of reactions from passersby. Yuno flashes her a quick thumbs up while Hyein, Haerin, and Hanni shower her with compliments, which Winter modestly tries to brush away with a bashful smile. Meanwhile, Danielle is occupied with trying to contain Yujin’s overflowing energy.

“M-my dad really likes basketball, so he made me play w-when I was younger. I-it’s nothing really,” Winter explains. She’s kind, pretty, AND athletic? It’s almost as if God himself created the perfect person and placed them in front of me on a day I decided not to dress up. There’s no wonder I felt jealous of her. But why am I jealous of her?

“Are you okay?” Yuno asks me.

I startle slightly at his sudden appearance. “H-huh? Yeah, why?” I awkwardly chuckle. Yuno’s gentle gaze meets mine with genuine concern, momentarily distracting myself from my swirling thoughts. I found myself wanting to draw closer and get lost in his irises.

What?! Minji, what are you even thinking?! Have you gone insane?!

“You look… upset,” he admits shyly. “I just wanted t-”

Suddenly, a basketball bounces off of the other hoop and hurtles towards Winter. In a flash, Yuno turns and catches the ball right before it hits her in the face, his gentle expression replaced with a stern glare at the person who threw the ball.

“Watch it,” he growls in a calm yet menacing tone as he tosses the ball back. His face immediately softens as he turns back to Winter. “You alright?”

“Y-yeah. Thanks, Yuno,” she answers with an appreciative smile. I felt my heart drop from my chest as I watched their interaction, confusion and envy creating a storm in my mind.

“Sooooooo, you gonna make a move or no?” I jump as Hanni startles me from behind.

“W-what??” I sputter.

“I recognize that face anywhere. You’re jealous~.” 

Heat creeps up my face as I struggle to find the words to explain myself. “Wha- I am not jealous!” I seethe, trying to keep my voice down. “I’m just… impressed by his reaction timing.”

“Mhm,” she hums, raising an eyebrow. “Well, I’m impressed by how close they look. Don’t you think they would make a cute couple, Minj?”

Her words leave a bitter taste in my mouth. “Y-yeah, I’m sure they would,” I reply, unconvincingly. “W-whatever, like I said I’m not jealous.”

“Oh sweet, sweet Minji,” Hanni sighs, shaking her head as she pats my shoulder. She follows the rest of the group as they move on, leaving me to watch Yuno and Winter as they walk side by side. No matter how hard I try, I can't rationalize this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I see them together. I need to do something, but I don’t know why.

______________________________________________________________

We spent the next hour walking around, playing all the fair games, and filing our stomachs with an array of different snacks the fair offers. I tried to enjoy myself, but the pit in my stomach continued to grow and grow until it became unbearable. I even started to consider Hanni’s words, but no amount of inner turmoil would make me go that insane. 

As the sun dipped low, casting an enchanting orange hue over the fairgrounds, it seemed like the perfect time to watch the sunset from atop the ferris wheel. As excited as I am to be able to watch the sunset, I still couldn’t get rid of this weird feeling as I watched Yuno chat with Winter and Yujin at the front of the group. Hanni seemed to notice this too.

“Girl, you look miserable,” she remarks, resting her chin on my shoulder with a sympathetic pout. “You’re supposed to be having fun.”

“I-I am having fun. This is my ‘having fun’ face.” I flash her a forced grin in a feeble attempt to mask my true feelings. Hanni sighs heavily right as we reach the front of the line.

“Each cabin only fits two people, so you’ll have to split into groups of two,” the ride operator explains. Naturally, Hyein and Haerin pair up together, waving excitedly at us as they eagerly step into the first cabin.

“Yuno, do you wanna ride together?” Yujin asks him. Before he could answer, however, Hanni takes matters into her own hands and pushes Danielle into Yujin.

“Hey Yujin, did you know Danielle is really scared of heights? She needs a big strong man protecting her while she’s up there.” Danielle silently curses at her with her eyes as Hanni pushes the duo into the next cabin. My eyes go wide with panic as I suddenly catch onto her plan.

“Winter, I love your dress! Let’s chat about it on the ferris wheel!” Hanni exclaims as she grabs Winter’s hand, pulling her towards the open doors of the cabin. Right before the doors close behind them, I catch a glimpse of Hanni flashing me a thumbs up. My heart threatened to explode from my chest as I found myself left alone with Yuno. 

“S-soooooo… U-um, do you wanna, um, I-I gues-”

“Let’s go,” Yuno utters as walks ahead of me into the cabin. I mentally facepalm, cringing at my sudden inability to formulate a coherent sentence. I step into the cabin and sit across from Yuno. As the doors seal shut, the space suddenly felt a lot smaller and more intimate. I gaze out at the orange glow of the sun to distract myself, both mortified and oddly blissful.

______________________________________________________________

Yuno’s POV

My heart kept chugging like a speeding steam train, I worried that Minji could hear it echo off the walls of the cabin. Throughout the day, I could feel her gaze lingering on me and I don’t know why. Did she wanna talk about yesterday? Was something on her mind? Was there something in my hair? Did I smell? I would’ve showered before I left the house if I knew I was gonna bump into her.

A strange feeling fills my chest as I observe the way the sunlight reflects off of her skin. The same feeling that had been haunting me for the past couple of days. Minji constantly invades my thoughts, stirring emotions I couldn’t comprehend. Everything about her felt new and strange, but I couldn’t deny that being around her made me feel happy. I drop my gaze to the floor as she turns to me, hoping she didn’t catch me staring.

“Sooo…” She began, filling the silence. “Winter seems nice.”

I tilt my head in confusion at her sudden interest in Winter. “Uh, yeah. I guess so.”

“How’d you two meet?” She asks with an odd amount of intrigue

For the most part, Minji is an open book. I never have to guess what she’s thinking or feeling, and unlike her parents, she never seems to be hiding some ulterior motive beneath a gentle exterior - until now. At first, I thought maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me, but being the open book she is, it became clear as day that Minji was hiding something. But why? Maybe it wasn’t my place to pry, but my instincts told me otherwise.

“We have english together, but we didn’t start being… ‘friends’ until a couple days ago. She and Yujin kinda just… inserted themselves into my life. And now we’re here,” I explain. Minji’s brow furrows in response.

“Wait, you only started talking a couple days ago? I thought you two were dating.” She hurriedly clasps her hand over her mouth as if she didn’t mean to let that out. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“We’re not dating,” I say a little too quickly. “Just friends.”

The cabin falls silent as both of our cheeks turn a light crimson. Minji turns back to the window, and my eyes gravitate towards her face once again as if that’s where they’re meant to be. The light and the shadows dance on her skin creating a work of art right in front of me. She’s beautiful in the most impossible way, defying everything I know about the world just by existing. My heart pumps faster and faster as my mind begins to run wild, imagining the two of us together as more than friends. Going on dates and being close. Just like this. Maybe Minji wanted to know if Winter and I were dating because she’s interested in me. I quickly shot that idea down. Those kinds of thoughts only lead down a bad road.

“My parents used to take my brother and I to the fair when we were younger,” Minji says, snapping me out of my daze. “We would go around and play all the games, trying to win the prizes. The games were always rigged, so we never won any. One time, I got so upset that I couldn’t win a bear toy that I started crying. My dad ended up paying extra just so he could get me the bear.” A gentle smile graces her face as she recounts her memory.

“We would always ride the ferris wheel at the end so we could watch the sunset from the top of the ferris wheel, just like this. I was always too short, so my dad had to hoist me up so I could see through the window.” She chuckles lightly before her smile eventually fades from her lips and her gaze falls to the floor. “Sorry, being here must have made me nostalgic. It’s been awhile since I got to watch the sunset from a ferris wheel.”

“Don’t be sorry. I like hearing you talk.” My eyes grow wide with panic as I realize the implication of my words. “I-I meant I like you. I MEAN YOUR STORY!! I liked your story…” My face falls into my palms in an attempt to hide the deepening blush, and I let out a muffled “Fuck” under my breath. I can hear Minji trying to stifle her laughter, which only makes me feel worse. I wanted nothing more than to bury myself six feet under and stay there for eternity.

“I know what you mea- AHHH!!!”

I jolt my head up right as Minji jumps from her seat and into my lap. Bewilderment, accompanied by a million other emotions, runs through my mind as she wraps her arms around my head and hides her face in the crook of my neck.

“M-Minji, uhh w-what are you-”

“There’s a spider on the seat!” She exclaims, her voice tingling with fear. I maneuver my head around her and see the tiniest spider I’ve ever seen scurrying around the spot where Minji once sat. “Ahhh, I really hate spiders!!”

I try to pry her body off of me, but her grip is tighter than an anaconda. A wave of deja vu washes over me as I suddenly start to feel lightheaded.

“M-Minji… Y-you’re choking m-me…” Right before I feel like I’m about to blackout, Minji releases her grip on my neck and slides off of my lap into the space next to me. The seat is a little cramped, but it’s better than dying in such an embarrassing way.

“I-I’M SO SORRY, YUNO!!” She apologizes, her face a bright tomato red. She flinches as the spider continues to move around on the opposite seat, wincing with each movement. “I-I really, really, really, REALLY hate spiders.”

Even after she almost choked me to death, I couldn’t help but find her cute as she shields her eyes with delicate hands, her face nestled into my shoulder. A grin threatens to grow on my lips as I try to comfort her with a few gentle pats on the head.

“I used to be afraid of spiders when I was a kid,” I began in a calming tone. “Whenever I saw one, I always cried to my parents about it. One day, I found one in the bathroom, so I ran to my mom sobbing and told her to kill it. Instead of killing it, she held me in her arms and carried me to the bathroom where it was. I was just like you, hiding my face on her shoulder because I was too scared to even look at it. In a gentle voice, she told me about how it was alone and probably looking for its family. If I killed it, then its family would be sad. She told me that she would be sad if I was suddenly killed when I was out all alone. From that day on, I was never afraid of spiders. Every time I saw one, I would carry it outside so it could find its family.” 

I chuckle under my breath. “I don’t think it actually works like that, but I don’t kill spiders because of her. Because of my mom.”

As I finish my story, I notice Minji’s eyes watering and her lip quivering as if she’s about to cry. “Ah shit, are you okay?” I ask with great concern.

“S-Sorry, that was just… really sweet,” she sniffles. I bit my lip, trying to suppress my smile as I simultaneously fought the urge to wipe her tears away. As she calms down, we sit together in silence, watching the tiny spider walk around the cabin.

“He’s just a little guy,” Minji utters, a cute grin on her face. “I wonder why I was so scared of you before.”

Just then, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I open up the notification to see a selfie of Yujin and Danielle with the giant Spiderman plush wedged in between them. Despite Danielle’s awful personality, Yujin seems to like her, so I guess it’s alright. If I didn’t know any better, I could’ve easily mistaken them for siblings.

“Aww, that’s cute. We should send one back,” Minji suggests, her eyes lighting up. 

“O-oh, uh, sure. How do I…” After a minute of hopelessly fumbling through the labyrinth of options on the screen, Minji gently takes the phone from me and opens up the camera with a simple tap.

“Do you know how to use a phone, Yuno?” She teases.

“U-uh, no…” I answer, scratching the back of my head in embarrassment. Her eyes widened with surprise at my response. “It’s my first phone, and I just got it today so I haven’t really had a chance to properly look through it.”

“O-okay, well just press on this gray square over here if you wanna open up the camera,” she explains in a kind tone, free of any judgment. She raises her arm and I can see the two of us reflected onto the screen. “Scoot a little closer so we can both be in the frame.”

With a gulp, I scoot closer to her in the already cramped space. The flowery scent of her hair wafts through my nostrils, gentle and clean. Hypnotized by the scent, I don’t realize I’m staring at her until she nudges me with her elbow.

“Look at the camera,” she reminds me, a knowing smile playing on her lips. The phone camera manages to catch the redness of my cheeks as I glance back at my reflection. Minji snaps a few shots before reviewing her work.

“They came out pretty well, don’t you think?” She inquires, and I can only nod in agreement, despite my less-than-stellar appearance in the photos. Minji, on the other hand, looks as pretty as ever. Even when she’s not doing much, the camera seems to pick up on all her good sides. She fiddles with my phone for a little bit before handing it back to me.

“Here, I put my number in so you can send me the photos,” she says. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“N-not at all,” I stutter excitedly, my heart soaring in the air. Minji giggles at my elation and we share a laugh in that cramped ferris wheel cabin. In that moment, as the sunset bathes us in its warm glow, everything falls into place. The weird feelings, the incessant thoughts - they all lead to one undeniable truth. I’m in love with Minji Kim.

______________________________________________________________

As I step out of the cabin, I see the rest of our friends waiting for us at the front of the ferris wheel. Instinctively, I reach my hand out towards Minji as she carefully steps out, which she accepts with a small grin adorning her lips. Though the contact is brief, the memory of her delicate hand in mine etches itself into my memory.

“Soooooo, did you two have fun?” Hanni asks us with an unnerving smirk that could only mean trouble. Before I get a chance to answer however, Minji grabs her wrist and leads her away.

“I-I’m going to the bathroom, Hanni you’re coming with me!” Her voice echoes as she drags Hanni away, trailed by the rest of her friends like ducklings following their mother. Perplexed, Winter, Yujin, and I settle onto a nearby bench to rest in the shade.

“The ferris wheel was fun, I took a lot of pictures of the sunset!” Yujin shares, displaying the photos on his phone. Almost his entire gallery was full of sun from slightly varying angles, along with a few selfies with Danielle. Her gentler side she exclusively shows to Yujin is such a stark contrast from her usual coldness, it’s almost unsettling.

“I feel exhausted.” Winter slumps beside me, her head tilting to the side as if she was too tired to even hold it up. “Hanni is really nice, but I felt so drained after talking to her for five minutes. I don’t know where she gets all that energy from.” I quietly snicker to myself. That seems on brand for Hanni.

My mind wanders back to the epiphany I had earlier. “Um, can I ask you two something… odd?” Their heads perk up, looking at me expectantly. “Have you guys ever… ‘dated’ anyone before?”

“I’ve had crushes before, but I was always too scared to confess,” Yujin admits.

“What about you, Winter? Have you ever had a boyfriend?” I ask.

“Um, not exactly…” With a hint of reluctance, she retrieves her phone from her purse, revealing a polaroid tucked in her phone case -  a snapshot of Winter with her arms wrapped around a girl with striking eyes and jet black hair.

Both of our jaws drop, simultaneously shocked and impressed.

“Oh shit…” I mutter before coming to my senses. She’s pretty, but not Minji pretty.

“Wow, that’s your girlfriend, Winter?!” Yujin exclaims. Winter smiles shyly as she puts her phone back in her purse.

“Y-yeah. She’s studying in Japan right now, so I don't get to see her often. I hope she visits soon; I think you guys would get along with her really well.” The look on her face as she thinks of her girlfriend reminds me of my mother’s face in old wedding photos. I don’t understand anything about love or relationships, but that face told me everything I needed to know. “Why did you want to know, Yuno?”

My cheeks suddenly turn warm. “Oh, uh… No reason.”

As if on cue, Minji and the rest of her friends return from the restroom, with Minji looking noticeably flustered and Hanni more excited than ever.

“It’s getting dark, so we were planning on heading back,” Danielle says. “Do you guys need a ride home?”

“O-oh, it’s okay, w-we were gonna take the subway home,” Winter replies.

“WAIT!” Yujin shouts suddenly before turning to her. “Winter, can we ride with them? Pleaseeeeee?” He grabs her sleeve and looks up at her with pleading eyes. 

“I-I guess if it’s okay with them.” “WOOHOO!” Yujin cheers. “I call shotgun!” He dashes toward the parking lot, his Spiderman plush bobbing in his arms.

“Hey, that’s my seat!” Hanni exclaims, running after him. In the midst of commotion, I sneak over to Minji.

“H-hi,” I stutter, brimming with nervous excitement.

“H-hey.” Even with the sun completely set, her smile manages to illuminate everything around us. Maybe it’s just my imagination, but the air felt different compared to the times we’ve talked before. That strange yet euphoric feeling still lingers in my chest, this time I finally know what that feeling is - I think. Maybe it’s love, maybe it’s the fumes of fried food decaying my brain. The only thing I know for sure is that I like being around Minji.

“Are you two going to come with us or no?” Hyein calls out to us while Haerin glares suspiciously in our direction. Flustered, we walk side by side towards the parking lot, following distantly behind the rest of the group. The scattered murmurs of the crowd begin to fade behind us, the chirping of crickets and the subtle crunching of rocks underneath our feet taking their place. An ombre of growing indigo looks down at us from a cloudless sky, dotted with specks of starlight thousands of lightyears away. Despite their distance, they shine brightly against the night sky, almost as bright as the girl walking next to me.

“Yuno,” Minji voice breaks through my daydreams, pulling me back to the present. “You’re staring.”

“Ah… Sorry…” I turn my head away to hide the heat creeping up my face, prompting a soft giggle from her.

“You know, you’re not what I expected at all.”

Curious, I turn my gaze back towards her. “What do you mean?”

Her eyebrows furrow as she thinks about her response, and I bite my lower lip to stifle my smile at her cute expression. “Ever since sophomore year, I’ve always heard whispers about this scary guy that goes around fighting people. I never believed it because I thought it was too cliche to be true,” she begins, shooting me a playful glance I scratch the back of my head, suddenly feeling sheepish. 

“That is, until two years later, when I come face to face with the ‘scary guy’, all bloody and bruised from a fight that happened two seconds ago. When I first met you, I thought you were some jerk who liked hurting others for the fun of it. I was wrong and I’m sorry.” Minji looks up at me, eyes full of remorse. I’ve seen others use this look on the people I’ve hurt, but never on me. To be on the receiving end of it felt disconcerting.

“You don’t have to apolog-”

“You’re kind and caring and you never hesitate to stand up for what’s right even when no one else will. While I don’t agree with your methods, I think the reason why you fight is very admirable, and if people just stopped being scared of you for two seconds, they could see how cute of a person you are.” Her hand shoots up to her mouth while her eyes go wide with panic.

Did I hear her right? Did she just call me… cute??

“I MEANT GOOD!!” She exclaims, correcting herself. “I meant to say you’re a good person…” We stand there, turned away from each other, too embarrassed to fill the growing silence. The chorus of crickets is quickly drowned out by my heartbeat echoing in my ears. My entire body feels both uncomfortably warm and freezing cold at the same time. The sudden honk of a car horn makes us both jump. 

“What are you two still doing? Let’s go!” I turn to see Hanni yell at us from the back seat of an SUV. It seems that Yujin got to the front seat first. Minji and I both trudge towards the car, too embarrassed to even look at each other. Hanni steps out of the car and reclines the seat forward to let us get into the back, where Winter is sitting alone with two empty seats on either side of her. 

As we settle in the back seat, I immediately shut my eyes, hoping that falling asleep would make things better. One final thing stays in my mind as I slip into unconsciousness.

She thinks I’m cute.

______________________________________________________________

A gentle shake rouses me from my slumber.

“Yuno, we’re here,” I hear Winter say as my eyes slowly open, finding my bearings. Outside the window, I see the convenience store where Winter works at.

“Winter said you guys live around here, so I hope you don’t mind,” Danielle explains from the front seat. Minji and Hanni step out of the car, allowing for Winter and I to exit.

“See you guys around,” Hanni says, waving goodbye. My eyes meet Minji’s momentarily before we swiftly break away. Not even a second of eye contact and I can already feel my body temperature rising.

“Thanks for the ride! Byeeeeee!” Yujin exclaims as the car disappears down the street. The three of us say our goodbyes to each other before we go our separate ways.

A flurry of emotions fills my stomach as I look back on the oddly eventful day. What started as an excuse to get out of the house turned into my first time at the fair, with Minji no less. I couldn’t help but feel like I’m in some surreal dream and that I’ll wake up one day to find out that none of this ever happened. As odd as all of this feels, I have to admit that I did enjoy it. The ferris wheel especially was… fun.

As I enter my house, I see my dad sitting on the couch, watching some sitcom on the TV. Right. I completely forgot he’s “different” now.

“Hey, Yuno,” he greets, a bright smile on his face. It’s the first time in a while that I’ve seen his smile. “Did you eat? There’s leftover pizza in the fridge if you’re hungry. I tried to cook dinner, but it didn’t turn out right.” A hearty chuckle leaves his lips, a sound that I vaguely remember hearing years ago. 

“I’m good. Thanks,” I say as I head towards the stairs. As my foot lands on the first step, a sudden impulse arises within me. “Uh, dad?”

“Hm?” His eyebrows perk up as he looks at me expectantly. I had no idea what I was planning on saying to him. Should I tell him about my day? Should I apologize? Should I tell him about my… “crush”? Is that what that is?

“Uh… Nevermind.” I hurry up the stairs, deciding against saying anything. My head was already filled to the brim with confusing emotions, I didn’t need to add more to the pile. I collapse onto my bed, staring up at the ceiling, the events of today playing in my mind like a broken record. I pull my phone out, fidgeting with the shiny piece of metal in my hand. Minji put her number in my phone. I can talk to her whenever I wanted to. And I do want to. My thumbs freeze right above the keyboard as I figure out what to say to her.

Maybe I should keep it simple with “Hey”. No, that’s too boring. How about “How are you feeling?” What am I, her doctor? Uhhh, maybe “I had fun today.” That’s stupid. Come on, think, Yuno, think. Fuck, I’m shit at this.

Is this what having a crush feels like? This sucks.

______________________________________________________________

Minji’s POV

“AGHHHHHHHHH!!!!” I scream into my pillow, hoping I don’t accidentally alert my parents to my “Teenage Angst”.

Minji!!! Why did you call him cute!? I mean, you’re not wrong, the way he got all embarrassed after missing the basketball hoop was kinda cut- WHAT!? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN THINKING RIGHT NOW!? ARGHHHHHH!!!

I hold onto my bear toy for comfort as I wrestle with the conflicting emotions in my head. Maybe this is just a result of all the stress from prom preparation clouding my judgement and sending me into a whirlwind of confusion. A day that was supposed to be full of leisure and enjoyment was instead full of jealousy and confusion. It wasn’t entirely bad though; riding the ferris wheel with Yuno was… nice. I feel my heart flutter in my chest as I recall that memory. Surely, Hanni’s teasing couldn’t be right… could it? Am I… in love with Yuno Lin?

[simplykorra]

I think it's easy to forget just exactly what Ava went through. She was SEVEN years old and woke up in strange place, with cranky old nuns, only to find out she was paralyzed and that her mom had died. Not only that, but no other member of her family ever came for her. Nobody was looking for her, nobody wanted her and suddenly she's all alone and dealing with the loss of her mothre and her independence.

You'd think, oh well maybe she has a support system in the orphanage? Nope, they treat her like shit, like the burden she believes she is. As someone who has been in a wheelchair their whole life, let me tell you, feeling like a burden is an everyday thing. You’re not, and having people who remind you that you’re not and make you understand that you’re not is beautiful, but Ava didn’t have that. She had Sister Frances, who went out of her way to tell Ava she was worthless and I doubt anyone else there was much better.

So it's no wonder Ava was a sarcastic, snarky little shit to the nuns in the orphanage - they made her that way. Being bratty to them was the only thing she could do to feel some semblance of control.

Flash forward to Ava's death, where she was literally murdered because nobody cared and there was nowhere for her to go. Ava spent twelve years in a personal hell of being trapped in her own body, was then killed like someone taking out the garbage. Empty, alone and tossed aside.

So when she was revived by the halo, with her legs suddenly working and freedom to do whatever she wanted, of COURSE she wanted to be free.

That's the entirety of Ava's character arc - SHE WANTS TO LIVE! She hasn't been able to for so long she barely remembers how to do it.

It's not that easy, of course, the halo carries a ton of weight and Ava fights it and runs from it and resists it as much as she can, and who can blame her? She finally gets the chance to be alive, to be free and enjoy life and all these strangers (who are everywhere becuase Ava is completely alone in the world) are pushing and pulling her in every direction. She's constantly told that she doesn't deserve the halo. Doesn't deserve this chance.

Despite ALL of that, Ava's heart is strong and her passion for life overshadows all the darkness she's been dealt. She isn't just full of life, but love. She's spent years not having anyone to love her, but more than that, she's never been able to give anyone her love and I think that's very important to her. We see it so much as the show goes on. Her softness with Mother Superion when she finds her halo scar, and the way she connects with Mary, Camila being sweet to her, little things like that.

Then of course there's Bea.

Beatrice, who never sees Ava as someone that needs to be replaced, but as someone who can be taught, trained and shaped into what they need. Who sees that Ava, the human being, has value and that she's worth protecting. They connect and share and for the first time, Ava has someone who actually accepts her as a person. Not a burden or a vessel for the halo, but Ava Silva, the girl inside that's been so alone for so long.

I think that's why Ava is so bouncy with Bea, falls for her so easily, because Beatrice saw Ava's zest for life and her need for love and embraced it. Saw it as something worth fighting for, beyond the halo or duty, Beatrice liked HER. Probably the first person who felt that way since her mother was taken from her (outside of Diego, but he was so young it couldn't have been the same).

Anyway, this long winded post that probably doesn't make any sense is just my way of saying that I love Ava. I love her joy and her humor. I love that she has had so much pain dumped on her and still chooses to smile. Given the way she was treated and the power she was given, Ava could have been a villain. She could have carried a hatred for god or the world and everyone in it who forgot about her but she didn't. Instead, she found the life and love she desperately wanted and gave up everything to protect it.

[rachetmath]

Jaune's Final Act

Jaune: Okay, so from all the information you all have shown me, again thank you all, I think we should discuss some things.

Winter: Indeed. 

Ruby: We need to do something.

Jaune: Okay, first let's discuss the Crown. As Coco told me they were a horrible organization. They target people, especially with valuable semblances. Not to mention they are now partner with Tyrian. A wild card that we may not be able to predict.

Qrow: Yeah he is a slipper guy.

Jaune: We have no idea what their next move will be so we need to be prepared. So I think we send Emerald Sustrai in to infiltrate and spy on them. 

Ruby: What- No!

Jaune: I’m sorry why not?

Nora: Jaune we can't trust her.

Jaune: why not?

Yang: Well she-

Jaune: Penny is dead. You got a new arm. Your name is clear. Get over it. First off, we don't know what Tyrian knows. Tyrian might not know what's happened in Atlas. Even so, we’re not letting go as she but in disguise. 

Nora: But Jaune-Jaune-

Jaune: The woman helped us in evacuation. And has not she not protected this city from Grimm?

Winter: Well-

Ren: She probably informed Cinder and that's-

Jaune: Has anyone interrogated her? Robyn.

Robyn: Well um-

Jaune: So we jump to conclusions. Plus this is perfect for her to prove herself so why not let her walk?

Blake: Jaune she was a-

Jaune: Blake we have files and you told me about your old life so don't try to play. 

Blake: … …

Jaune: Yang didn't you destroy someone's property and drive past the speed limit? Shouldn't you be in debt?

Yang: … … …

Jaune: Ruby you interfered in the hunting business more than one time. You know you could've been charged a fine right? In fact, you be arrested.

Ruby: Um…

Jaune: And Weiss. You. Your sister. Your mom. Or your brother. Someone's could do some time considering the Schnees' shady deals. In fact, Klian can take the fall.

Weiss and Winter: *scared*

Jaune: Like I said let her walk. We need her. Next is the Grimm attacks. They are skyrocketing. This may be due to our mistake of bringing too many people to Vacuo. Not to mention Vale citizens. So… I am afraid we need to escort some of them out.

Robyn: What?! Objection!

Obleck: I agree, Mr.Arc. That is cruel.

Jaune: Oh really how so?

Robyn: We can't force these people out. They will have nowhere to go.

Jaune: We forcefully brought these people here. They don't like being here let alone with each other. 

Robyn: Well our people-

Jaune: Stop. You talk a big game yet you haven't done jack for your people. Where were you when they needed you? What were you doing besides making their situation worse?

Robyn: EXCUSE ME!? I’ll have you-

Jaune: When you kept stealing from the military did you ever occur to you that could have caused Martial law to be In place? In fact, even without Martial law, you caused more problems like with more security. More guns. Largerer curfew hours. Was what you were trying to accomplish worth that than for your people?

Robyn: … 

Jaune: Not to mention Tyrian wouldn't be here or alive if it wasn't for a certain someone or two people for letting him escape. Was that worth it to you? Considering he hurt your team too.

Robyn: …

Winter: Say that we do consider your suggestion. How would we go about it and where would they go?

Jaune: I already spoke with Mr. Belladonna. 

Blake: My father. 

Jaune: Yep and he agrees to help. In fact, he said he could use some more hands considering the state Mantle was left in.

Ren: That isn't enough. 

Jaune: Well he also wanted to talk with you on this Ren.

Ren: He wants to use my old village.

Jaune: Yep to expand Faunus territory, gain more human relationships, and restore it. He even believes since it's your home you should one day lead it.

Ren: But- 

Jaune: Regardless that village is unclaimed territory right now. If he doesn't get it someone else will. I just want you to have your home back. You can discuss the terms with him. Your choice.

Ren: Okay.

Nora: Wait. Jaune… this could lead to our team- 

Jaune: I know.  

Winter: Okay besides that just Mistral- 

Ruby: Well we have Argus but we also have that one village we went to. And with Apathy gone, we could use that.

Jaune: But if that's the case we still need to send hunters to help.

Raven: Woo-woo kid. We can't send hunters on escort missions. 

Theodore: Yes we need as many hunters as possible. 

Jaune: Yes but we need to escort these people safely out of the city. 

Theodore: Are you suggesting what I think you are?

Jaune: …

Theodore: No.

Jaune: Sir please -

Theodore: They're just kids. First year. 

Jaune: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. And nine for Pyrrha. Ten of you count Penny.

Theodore: Your point?

Jaune: Pyrrha a first year chosen to be a maiden. She died. Penny, another first year, was placed in charge of an entire city. Became soon after. Died.

Theodore: Mr. Arc I will have you know I am nothing like Ironwood and Ozpin. 

Jaune: I know. But my point still stands. These people, students, wanted to be hunters. But they lack experience. So why not give it to them? Let them show what they got. I mean they will be monitored but still.

Theodore: Very well.

Raven: Now for the tribes.

Jaune: We already set up a meeting with them after this one.

Raven: What?

Theodore: It's true. We need to know what tribes will be against us and who we can trust. You Miss Branwen will be my ascort. 

Raven: ….

Jaune: You have more tribal knowledge than any of us. You're our best shot.

Raven: …

Jaune: So. Does anyone have any suggestions or questions about this? 

Everyone is silent. 

Jaune: Look I understand I sound cruel. But I rather for once be ahead of the game this time.

Yang: You can’t control everything Jaune.

Jaune: I know. But at least I’m doing whatever I can instead of being an ass. 

Raven: We’re screwed.

After a long battle.

Raven: Holy crap.

Emerald: That’s right. That’s right. I did this. I came through. Mercury.

Mercury: I’m officially on the hero’s side. I’m nothing like my father.

Emerald: That’s right. 

Ren: My village will restored. And one day I must lead it. Blake, I hope you will help me.

Blake: Of course my friend.

Oobleck: Our numbers have increased. New homes have been established. 

Theodore: We still have the relic despite losing our maiden. But that was the casualty of war.

Ruby: I got maiden powers now.

Jaune: You're the main character.

Ruby: F*** you.

Raven: We really increased our chances. Get work kid.

Jaune: Yeah… *died*

Ruby: No! 

Cinder: *laugh* F*** you b****!

Ruby: I WILL KILL YOU!

In heaven

Jaune: Damn. Well, at least I turned up one last time.

Pyrrha: Jau-Jaune!

Jaune: Pyrrha. Penny! Alyx! Lewis!

Jaune hugs all of them. 

Pyrrha: I’m so- I’m so- sorry.

Penny: I am too. 

Jaune: Don’t be. I wish I’m sorry I-

Pyrrha: It’s okay. You did great out there. 

James: I think-

Penny: Shut up.

Summer: I mean-

Pyrrha: You died for nothing.

Jaune: I mean, come on, I died but at least I gave the world a better chance to survive. I focused on what mattered in the present instead of the future which changes constantly. I tried to bring humans and faunas together for a common goal and maintain relationships even after Salem was finished. 

In hell

Adam: Damn

In heaven

Jaune: I may have lost my life I didn’t go out like a b****. A coward. And a control freak. I went out like a G. Like Roman. 

In hell 

Roman: Damn right.

In heaven.

Jaune: Now you excuse. 

Pyrhha: *lifted bridal style*

Jaune: I think you owe me something for all my troubles.

Pyrrha: *blushes*Um.

Jaune takes Pyrrha away.

Penny: Have fun you two!

[howlingday]

@r3dj3st3r

---------------------------------------------------

Happy Chaos Jaune

VS Raven Arc & Mama Harley

---------------------------------------------------

"Well, well, well! Look what we have here!"

"Jaune?" Harley asked, confused by the blue man in front of her. "You do something with your hair... and your skin?"

"Mm, yes and no." He chuckled. "I didn't do this, but I can't complain."

"I don't know who you are," Raven drew Omen from her sheath, "but you're not my Jaune."

"Probably not mine, either." Dr. Quinn cupped her chin and squinted her eyes at him. "Though I wouldn't say this couldn't happen to my Jaune."

"Because of you, or because of his world?" The let the torn hoodie on his back slide to his elbows as he spread his arms with open palms. He then shut them into fists as a wide grin spread across his face. "Or maybe it's because of ol' daddy dearest?"

Harley's face almost immediately twisted into one of rage. "Watch it, bub. You may not be my Jaune-"

"But you'll give me a spanking, right?" Jaune chuckled as the woman balked. "Yeah, I've heard that one before. Or at least I think I did. One of the two."

"What the hell are you?" Raven growled.

"Me?" Jaune pointed to himself. "I thought we already went over this." He smiled wide and spread his arms again. "I'm Jaune!"

"No, you're not."

"Sure I am!"

"Not our Jaune." Harley said.

"Exactly!"

"So, what, is this some kind of... clone story or something?" Raven asked as she lowered her sword for a moment in her confusion.

"STRIKE ONE!" A broken sword aimed for her head was narrowly deflected as the duplicate of her son charged faster than she expected. She swung at him only to completely miss as he jumped away. "No clones. Clones are so pass-ay."

"No kiddin'!" Harley swung her bat at him, catching him off-guard. Or, well, mostly off-guard except for his hand that caught the cudgel. "So, is this a multiverse story, or is it something more stupid?" Harley was no stranger to multiverses, especially since Bats was practically an expert on them.

"It's pretty stupid, but yeah, multiverse sounds about right." Shoving her away, he gave a short applaud to her. "Not bad. Clearly you're the brains of the two." Ducking, he avoided being skewered by Raven, who jumped for him using her portal. "Not bad! Way to take a gamble on me being connected to your semblance!"

Batting her blade away as she swung again, he then weaved out of the way of Harley's bat. Bobbing and dodging out of harm's way, the smile on his face grew wider and wider. Then a thought came to him. He stopped and the two women stopped just inches from hitting him.

"Oh. Oh, now this is interesting."

"What?" Raven asked.

"Someone's watching us." He looked away from the two, into the empty space. Colors of every shade swirled around the barren world, like the sky was in a poorly organized washing machine. "Somebody a lot stronger than us. Probably wants me to say they're more attractive than us, too." He then clicked his tongue. "Eh, probably not. Either they're too modest or they don't think too good of themselves."

"What the hell is he talking about?" Raven looked to Harley.

"I got an idea, but..." She shrugged. "Best to just let him ramble."

"Hm... Hm hm... MHMMM~!" He spun around. "Alright! Let's team up!"

"What?" Raven was getting tired of asking these questions.

"To get home!" He turned his head. "That's what you want, right? For us to go home?"

"Please, Mr. or Mrs. Disembodied Entity!" Harley cried. "I'd like to go home to my Jauney~!"

"Who-" Raven groaned. "Whatever. So we're teaming up? Is that what's going on?"

"Yup!" Jaune beamed ear-to-ear. Suddenly, he had an arm around both Raven and Harley. "Just a kid and his two moms, off to get back to their realities! Onward!"

"Road trip~!" Harley cheered, keeping in step with the strange man who looked like her son if he was a smurf.

Raven had already slipped away and let the two walk ahead of her. Looking behind her, she saw nothing but empty wastelands for miles to the horizon. Her only other option was to follow the blue weirdo claiming to be her son. Rolling her eyes with a sigh, she began following.

"Why do I always get stuck with the nutjobs?"

[magewolf-the-artist]

Domestic K-9: The Worst Pokemon Evolutions Ever

Oh boy, time to explore the ramifications of trauma and how it impacts people!

(Note: I do NOT have trauma or PTSD, although I've done a fuck ton of research on the subject for a different story and am applying the things I learned here. If anybody with any kind of trauma or PTSD spots any inaccuracies, please please PLEASE feel free to let me know. I wish to portray these issues with as much care and respect as possible)

So here I've display the three, I guess, stages of these fuckers. Life, the immediate response to, y'know, everything, and how they're holding up now. Except for Rosemary because I'm kind of an asshole to my blorbos. But obviously with Charles and Susan, they are not in any way "fixed" or even "healed" from their trauma, they moreso stabilized and got used to it. And now let's finally get into it!

SUSAN WOODINGS: So in life, Susan was generally closed off except for a select few amount of people and, while she could be snippy, she was actually pretty chill despite always looking like she wants to murder everybody in the general vicinity. Basically she looks a lot meaner than she actually is.

In death though, that's a completely different story. For the first year or so she had an EXPLOSIVE temper and would blow up over the smallest things, like a powder keg kept near sparklers. If the facility had a swear jar and money, she probably could've funded college for Sophie, Edd, AND Molly. She said many hurtful and cruel things to people she was close to (mostly Charles) that she now deeply regrets. It's all water under the bridge at this point but it still sometimes keeps her up at night.

As of the current point in the timeline, she's since calmed down quite a bit. She's less likely to snap over small shit unless it's Bon, to which she will gladly be just as bitchy as she was. She does have bad days though and is generally much more easily irritated and snippy.

CHARLES BROOK: In life, Charles is the ultimate dad. Easy going, friendly, very jokey, admittedly kinda naive, loves his kid. In death... well...

When they first got to the facility, he was an absolute wreck. He had resisted giving into Bon up until the point where he was starting to fade and, absolutely terrified of the idea of being Thanos snapped out of existence, reluctantly possessed the Boozoo animatronic. But even still he deeply regretted that choice. As well as that, he was extremely distraught about leaving his daughter and wife behind, on Lily's birthday no less, and that he was never found. He spent the first several weeks consumed by the intense misery and grief and was incoherent at best and delusional at worst. As previously mentioned, he got it into his head at some point that if he could just break down the walls, he could escape and constantly flung himself into the solid concrete walls. It didn't help that Susan wasn't terribly understanding and had little patience for this.

After a few weeks passed though, he began to stabilize and was generally able to recover a semblance of his goofy, friendly personality. That's not to say the trauma hasn't impact that though; he has to constantly distract himself or else he'll have a full on breakdown and desperately tries to change the topic whenever his death or his family is brought up. He and Susan have also since smoothed things over and Charles holds no resentment towards her now.

ROSEMARY WALTEN: Everyone's favorite sad mom!

So in life, Rose was generally kind, caring, humble, creative, and introverted, although she had come out of her shell since her younger years and was perfectly capable of being social.

But in death... hooooo boy, buckle up chucklefucks, 'cause this is gonna get SAD

As previously mentioned, Rosemary is a mess. Constantly crying, completely drawing into herself, rarely speaks to anybody but Rocket, and is unable to bring herself to do anything outside of draw, think, or cry. She's kinda just frozen in time, unable to stabilize like Charles and Susan, which is why she has no stage 3. The closest thing to that I can confidently say she's gotten is pouring herself into her art and caring for Rocket, but even still it's not much.

[forever-fixating]

WIP Wednesday

I was tagged by @onthewaytosomewhere. This week I'm sharing a one-shot I've been working on. I was possessed by the demon that is Nicholas Galitzine who bombarded my poor fangirl heart with both Mary & George and The Idea of You trailer. I haven't been the same since, and I refuse to admit just how many times I've listened to that fucking song. (Spoiler alert: it's a lot.)

Anywho, I was inspired by that kiss in the trailer (Anne, Nick, I am just a simple bisexual person. You can't just DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT and expect me to have a normal response!!!) and the wonderful story Clean Slate by smc_27 on AO3 and of course, my fandom bestie @priincebutt The Story of Us to add my own popstar age-gap AU into the mix. I hope you enjoy this nonsense as much as I enjoy writing it. Should be ready soon. Toodles!

The band joined them twenty minutes later, and Alex announced, “I am starving. Are you ladies hungry?”

Henry stood as the girls giggled and nodded. They followed behind as the group headed outside to a large black SUV. The girls joined June and Nora in the middle section, and Alex grinned, “Guess you’re stuck in the back with me, Uncle Henry.”

Henry rolled his eyes as Cash opened the door for them. “Henry is fine, thanks.”

“Yes, he is.”

Henry’s heart skipped several beats as he climbed inside the SUV. Was this man hitting on him? He suddenly felt flushed and tugged off Pez’s jacket, trying to calm his racing heart and mind. He scooted against the other door for some distance, only for Alex to move to the center of the seat, their knees grazing each other. Henry, grasping for any semblance of control, called out, “Seat belts, girls!”

June and Nora turned to look at him, and June said, “They’re all buckled up. My mom drilled that into me and Alex’s brains growing up.”

“You two look cozy,” Nora said with a smirk.

Henry gave a nervous chuckle and said, “I’m just happy to be somewhere quieter. I don’t know how you all do it night after night.”

“I thrive on it,” Alex replied, leaning back into the plush leather seats. He looked at Henry through eyelashes that didn’t seem real outside of fiction. “Doesn’t matter if it’s ten people or ten thousand…being surrounded by a sea of people all there to see you. It’s out of this world.”

Henry relaxed into his seat as they pulled away from the stadium, Alex’s cologne filling his senses. It was spice, leather, and a hint of something floral��pure intoxication. The girls chattered in front, and Alex asked, turning his body toward Henry, “So what do you do when you’re not busy being the best uncle ever?”

Henry shrugged, looking down at his hands holding the leather jacket. “My life is quite dull. I volunteer at a youth shelter, help my best mate at his art gallery, and write.”

“Oh? Anything I’ve read?”

Henry hesitated. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed by his work. He had it on good authority that, past the smutty allure, his fans genuinely connected with the characters of his books. But the subject matter was decidedly graphic and not something he wanted to discuss around his twelve-year-old nieces. Finally looking at Alex again, he said dismissively, “Probably not. I write for myself and a small but passionate audience.”

Alex was undeterred. “Try me. I read constantly, especially when I’m on tour. If anything, it will give me something new.”

“Fine,” Henry replied, rolling his eyes. “My most popular series is probably Dark Olympus. As a queer teen, I was obsessed with Greek mythology and-”

“Wait,” Alex said suddenly, his eyes widening, “you’re George St. James?”

It was Henry’s turn to be surprised. “Wait, are you seriously saying you read that series?”

“Dude, I’ve read everything you’ve ever written, even the straight stuff! The Beast was part of my bisexual awakening!” Alex exclaimed. He leaned forward, smacking the back of the seat, and said, “Nora, June! This guy is George St. James.”

The two women spun around, June saying, “No way! Oh my God, I just finished rereading Blood on the Tide from your Crimson Sails series. I’m obsessed! Please tell me you’re working on another book soon because I need it like yesterday.”

“Seriously,” Nora seconded, her curls bouncing as she nodded. “We’ll give you whatever you want if you give us advanced copies.”

Henry must be in a coma, and this was some bizarre dream his drug-addled mind conjured before his siblings pulled the plug. How else could he be sitting in an SUV with one of the most popular bands in the country, who are apparently fans of his books? Penelope and Grace turned their heads as well, Grace giggling, “Are you talking about Uncle Henry’s smutty books? Our mum says we aren’t allowed to read them.”

“With good reason,” Henry said sternly, looking at his bemused nieces. He returned his attention to the trio and said, baffled, “I’ll get with my agent? God, this is so bizarre. I can’t believe you’ve read my books.”

“It’s all Alé’s fault,” Nora said, winking at the singer. “When he finds something he likes, his little ADHD brain latches onto it and falls down an obsession rabbit hole.”

“Shut up, Nora,” Alex said through clenched teeth. The calm and confident veneer from earlier was shattered, and Henry marveled at how alarmingly human Alex was then. But, to Henry’s immense frustration, that made him all the more charming and attractive. He needed to get a grip. This was nothing. It wasn’t ever going to be anything. This was just three very kind young popstars sharing a meal with two fans and their awkward-as-dog’s-bullocks uncle, and that was it.

Again: Nicholas Galitzine, this is all your fault.

Cover Art because I'm a nerd and enjoy having art for my stories on here:

[scarletsaphire]

*slams hands on the table* CHALLENGE MODE SAM/EMBER GOOOOO

Sam sat on the sofa, one leg folded under her and the other on the ground. The sofa was uncomfortable, the one that her parent's used for important, stuffy guests they wanted to impress but didn't want hanging around too long. Normally, Sam avoided it, and her parents in general, like the plague, but right now her hard work was finally coming to fruition. She could deal with some minor back pain to watch the fireworks.

"So," Pamela asked, her voice strained and her face frozen in her practiced facsimile of perfection. "How did you and our dear Sammikins meet?"

Ember, who was lounging on the sofa next to Sam with her feet propped up on the expensive coffee table, didn't answer at first. She was busy picking something out of her teeth with her finger. It took Pamela clearing her throat two separate times for Ember to answer her, and that was mostly because Ember had finished getting whatever it was free. Sam was glad her parents had hammered in how to keep a perfectly pure smile on her face from such a young age; Ember was playing her part magnificently, and Sam needed to act none the wiser.

"Oh, I like, mind controlled her whole school. And most everyone else in the town," Ember answered. "Surely you've heard of me. I went through a lot of effort for everyone to remember my name." Ember gestured to the guitar laying across her lap. Sam elbowed her in the side. Despite the fact that it didn't hurt (Sam had seen Ember get thrown through multiple walls before. Sam might have been strong, but she wasn't that strong) Ember made a show of rubbing her side. "Aw, babe, what was that for?"

Sam was looking at Ember, but she kept her focus on her parents out of the corner of her eye. She didn't miss their flinch at the pet name, and she had to fight to keep her genuine glee from showing on her face. "You've been hanging out with Danny too much."

"Yea, well, it's your fault for introducing us," Ember said. "Can't blame me for liking him, kids got good taste. He was chasing after you for a while, after all."

Pamela inhaled sharply through her nose. Jeremy's eye twitched. They were small signs, but Sam knew them well. She was wearing down their nerves at record breaking speeds, and she wasn't about to stop now. Not when the plan was working so well.

"Yes, the...Fenton boy," Jeremy said. "Surely, someone of your...status wouldn't be interested in hanging around his type?"

"Oh, you mean cause I'm a ghost?" Ember said. Sam noted the tightening of his grip on the arm chair. "Nah, I've seen the ghost hunters around. I could blow their asses out of the water any day of the week. Honestly, its kind of rude that you think I couldn't. That's like, rule number one of ghosts, y'know? It's kind of like prison, if prison was cool and came with laser beams. Survival of the fittest and all that jazz."

Pamela opened her mouth to speak. If Sam had to guess, it would probably be asking if Ember had ever been in prison; she wouldn't ask about the ghost stuff where Ember could hear her; not only was her parents still scared of ghosts, they also refused to be considered knowingly rude. At least, to anyone with sway. Ember may be dead, but she was famous, at least around Amity Park. That counted for something in their eyes. Whatever Pamela had to say didn't matter, as Ember swung her feet off of the coffee table and started talking again.

"Speaking of jazz, you got some cool vinyls in here! I'm sure you don't mind if I play some of them? I'm kinda big on music, if you couldn't tell." Ember didn't wait for permission, grabbing one of the records (meticulously hung on the wall to give a semblance of culture and spontaneity to the room. Not that Sam's parents had ever listened to a single one of them; it was all part of posturing.) and slipping it onto the record player.

"Of course." Sam could almost hear the tension in her mom's voice, breaking through her carefully constructed softness. "I'm sure Jeremy will be happy to show you around our collection while I have a word with Sammikins. Out. Side." And there was the teeth clenching fury Sam had been after. She glanced at the grand clock in display on the fireplace mantle. It had barely taken four minutes from Ember's arrival to reach red in the face Pamela. A record by nearly two and a half minutes.

Pamela's fingers locked around Sam's wrist, hard enough to hurt but not hard enough to bruise. Sam struggled, but it was mostly for show. She could break the grip if she wanted to; her mother made it a point to be "feminine" which, to her, meant weak, and Sam was anything but. That wasn't the play here. No, she was following the plan, and the plan had her following. At least for now.

As soon as the door to the formal sitting room was shut behind them, Pamela turned on Sam with all of her carefully hidden fury unmasked. "Just what do you think you're doing, bringing one of those things into our house?" she hissed, not letting go of Sam's wrist.

"First off she's not a thing, mom," Sam replied, slipping venom into her voice. Maybe a bit too much venom, actually. That should be for later. Indignant fury would be better. "And she can hear you. Ghosts have better hearing than we do."

Pamela narrowed her eyes at Sam as if trying to gauge how truthful Sam was being. Finally, she dragged Sam a few doors down. "Do you think it," the pronoun was said with emphasis. "can hear us here?"

"Probably not," Sam lied. "I don't get what the big deal is! You told me that if I was to date someone of my choosing, then they had to be of influence, well known and well liked, and self sufficient! Last I checked, Ember ticked all those boxes."

"I didn't think you would go so far as to coercing with one of those things! Its dangerous and volatile, and dead! I know you are going through the whole spooky dead thing phase, but I thought you'd at least be reasonable enough to draw the line at speaking to one of them. And then you show up saying you're dating one of them?" Pamela dropped Sam's wrist in favor of pacing a small circle in the hallway and wringing her hands together nervously. "It tried to kidnap us! It tried to mind control the whole town! It admitted to it!"

"She," Sam said. Now was the time to add the venom. "is not an it. And how do you know she hasn't changed! It's not like she hurt anyone. It was all just..." One beat, two, three. Just enough to make it seem like she was searching for words. "...ghost fun."

"And what about when it wants to have this 'ghost fun' with you?" Pamela snapped, her voice ever so slightly louder than her normal speaking voice. Perfect. "Please, Sammikins. I'm just trying to look out for you. It isn't safe."

"No, I don't have to listen to this! I love her, mom!" Sam raised her own voice to just barely below a shout. That was the signal. "I love her, and there's nothing you can do about it! I tried to follow all of your dumb rules, and the one person I could find that actually gets me isn't good enough for you!" Sam felt the corners of her eyes prickle. She shifted her focus to meat plants, factory farms, and that one scene from Derrick Disassembled where the android was stripped for melting. The prickle turned to tears. Her mascara would run, but that was the point. It was more dramatic that way. "You can't control who I love, mom! So either let me live my own life without any of these stupid rules, or I'll..." She choked on her words. She needed to make them seem genuine, like this was a difficult decision. Like she wouldn't go back on them. "I'll run away with her! She can take me to the ghost zone, where you won't be able to get between us."

"Samantha Manson!" Pamela practically shrieked. "Think about what you're saying! You'd rather-"

Ember appeared to Sam's side, materializing out of thin air. "I heard yelling," she said, eyes narrowing and flame ponytail burning high enough to singe the ceiling. "Do you wanna get out of here?"

Sam gave one tense nod, before she felt invisibility wash over her. As soon as they were out of ear shot, Sam let her fake sobs turn into real laughter. Ember snickered with her.

"You did good back there! I didn't know ya had it in you!" Ember said after they came to a halt in the airspace above the Manson Mansion.

Sam wiped at the tracks of mascara on her face. "I've had a lot of practice. You did great too. I thought my dad might have an aneurysm."

Ember laughed. "You should've seen him after you left. I was poking around his vases and stuff and dropped one. Didn't break, but I think he was about to."

"Oh yea, that'd do it." Sam grabbed her phone out of her pocket. Already, she had three texts and four missed calls from both of her parents. She turned off the phone. "So, are we calling it a night here, or...?"

"Is there anywhere in this place that does karaoke nights or something?" Ember asked after a moment. "Not that I didn't enjoy this, but I think a proper night out might be nice."

"There's a place I know that does live slam poetry," Sam suggested. "Not quite music, but I'm sure they wouldn't mind if you brought your guitar up with you."

"Sounds good to me."

[syekick-powers]

40, 38, 32 for the writer ask meme?

thank u for sending me some Question i always appreciate it

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

honestly at the moment since i've been reading the folk of the air trilogy by holly black to my mom, there's been some lines in the series that have stuck with me intensely. in the wicked king when cardan gets shot at in his bedroom and jude goes to investigate, when she comes back in cardan's like "you know for a moment i wondered if you were the one shooting at me" and jude was like "what made you decide that it wasn't?" and cardan just smiled and said "they missed." just kills me. but also when jude is facing down madoc in the middle of the queen of nothing and he tells her "you would have made a good redcap" absolutely killed me as well.

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

i think probably the weirdest part of how my writing process works is just. the fact that my characters are alive in my head and have some semblance of free will and will not just talk to each other but also talk to me too. and that i will have full conversations with them sometimes in my head. they won't always just do what i tell them to do and will sometimes do shit that i personally don't fucking want them to do. sometimes other writers will be like "why can't you just write it like how you planned to?" like no you don't understand. i am not in conscious control of what's going on here. the protagonist made this choice and i am just the schmuck transcribing the story as they tell it to me.

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

oh you know i'll jump at the chance to share a poem.

this particular poem is an oc poem--that is, it's from the POV of one of my characters, rather than being from my own perspective. specifically, this poem is written from gareth's POV, about aiden.

smoke / fire

Can’t have one without the other. When we were growing up,  we were inseparable— a disaster of pale limbs, sharp edges, and teeth. I was smoke. He was fire. Both of us deadly, toxic things, stuck to each other for better or worse. When I was young, I longed for nothing more than  the bite of his flames, but I was  insubstantial, wisps of noxious plumes  cloying the air, a breath or two  and not much more. But he— even then, he was as luminous as the sun. Even then, his smile was like a bonfire. Even then, the warmth of him was something I desperately craved to feel on my skin. What is smoke without fire? I was not much as a teenager, yet somehow I am even less than I was. A sealed room filled with stale smoke, air that never recirculates, the flavor of nicotine and the bitterness of regret. If I open the windows and let the fresh air in, everything that I am will blow out into the night air,  forgotten. Without his flames to renew me, this is all I will ever be— poisonous, stagnant, and bitter, bitter, bitter. Even to this day, I long to burn. But his fires have long since been extinguished. Where he once was, there isn’t even ashes left, there isn’t even an evidence of a fire at all. He’s gone. His warmth will never rekindle. And I will always be this— old, flat smoke. The fire may be gone, but the smoke remembers the kiss of its heat. The smoke remembers the light it was born from, forever. When I finally blow away on the cold night breeze, even my warmth will be nothing but a memory. But who will remember the smoke when the wildfire is gone? No one. No one. No one.

[soporificsponge]

And nobody knows like me

Once when I was a little kid (maybe in the fourth grade?) I threw a bit of hissy fit on the drive to school because I wanted to cut bangs or dye my hair or do something to my head that my mom vetoed, noting that whatever I wanted to do would probably be unflattering (and let's be honest she was definitely 100% right). I remember saying something under my breath about how "it's my head" and "I should be able to do whatever I want to my own hair" and my muttering made my mom lose what was left of her thinning patience and she screamed behind the wheel "You wanna look like some crazy homeless Korean hooker? GO FOR IT."

That night after both of us regained some semblance of sanity she tried to explain her reasoning behind why I shouldn't abuse my hair with the kiddy safety scissors. I don't remember the entire lecture, but one phrase has stuck with me since and (literally I'm not kidding) I think about this phrase every fucking day:

"You eat with your eyes first."

Okay, so the other day I was listening to Love Grows (objectively a fucking banger) but I have a couple of issues with that stupid song. Actually I only have one issue with it, but it's an issue with a lot of implications. An issue that contains multitudes. Or whatever.

As everyone knows, the song goes (my bitter interpretation of the song is in italics):

She ain't got no money

She's really fucking hot

Her close are kinda funny

I put up with her quirkyness 'cause she's really fucking hot

Her hair is kinda wild and free

But in a hot way

Oh, but love grows where my Rosemary goes

I follow her around 'cause she's hot

and nobody knows like me

Everybody knows that she's hot

...

She's really got a magical spell

She's smoking hot

and it's working so well

She is a fine looking woman

that I just gotta say

hey

So, my issue with the song actually has nothing to do with the song itself. The song itself is probably written with genuine romantic intentions. I just assume that the dude who's singing this song "ate with his eyes first." I don't know why this pisses me off so much. I just kind of wish the song went something like "She's a snaggletoothed crack-eyed bitch with unsightly legs and a lot of acne, but I'm still attracted to her." That'd be true love. Instead for whatever reason I just assume that he's willing to put up with all of these "quirks" (talking lazy, people saying she's crazy, her life being a mystery) because she's hot.

The thing is, I have no fucking right to complain. I do the same thing - I eat with my eyes. I always assume that I can size someone up before I even talk to them. Problematically, my intuition is often accurate, if imprecise (and by that I mean I am typically on point thematically if not exactly e.g. I can tell that someone might be unpleasant to be around, but I'm not immediately conscious of the exact reason). Another dangerous assumption I make (and I am yet to decide whether or not this is valid): that my intuition about people is accurate because people treat other people based on how they look, and how people are treated shapes them. What a fucked up positive feedback loop.

What I mean to say is: ugly people are treated less delicately. They are not savored. I think this treatment affects everyone's outer texture. Ugly people become tough or chewy or sinewy. Beautiful people aren't worn down like that, so sometimes they're more sharp. I don't know if this makes sense.

(A brief aside, I don't really feel like explaining what beautiful and ugly are. You know what they fucking are. Don't even try to say that they're subjective, because that's only true to a certain extent and everyone knows that.)

The phrase "you eat with your eyes first" is particularly acute because relationships born of visual attraction are born to be more like consumption than love. This begs the question -- have I been chewed up and spit out because I'm ugly?

Maybe. I think the fact that I'm not hot doesn't help. But then again I have objectively gorgeous friends who are treated like shit all the time, so obviously whatever profound thing I think I'm getting at here doesn't explain it all.

Ultimately, I have a crush one someone right now that I never found to be extremely physically attractive. On first glance I thought he was somewhat below average, actually. When I first got to know him I found him intolerable. He's objectively weird. I still find him intolerable, but in a way that hurts my chest instead of my head. I think he doesn't hate me. And now I like his face and his weird gangly limbs. His facial features that I once found harsh now seem to carry a strength I couldn't notice before. It's almost like his company sort of eroded whatever bullshit beautiful/ugly dichotomy I drew my whole life. I don't notice the pores on his face anymore. (Another thing about beautiful people - they're like that Seurat painting.) To beat this metaphor into the ground with a baseball bat so that I may never think of it again: I ate with my eyes, but apparently YOU CAN'T TASTE WITH YOUR FUCKING EYEBALLS. QED.

Anyways, I get the song now, and I think I might cut my hair tomorrow.

Because Love grows where my Rosemary goes And nobody knows like me It keeps growing every place she's been And nobody knows like me

… If you've met her, you'll never forget her And nobody knows like me

… La la la- believe it when you've seen it Nobody knows like me

(This guy has a girlfriend, btw. Fuck me.)

[ars0nism]

shoutout to my mom asking why my therapist said i should go on meds but also complaining because im irritable, constantly tired, always in bed etc etc its almost like im depressed

[massivedrickhead]

Bechloe Week 2021 - Day 5

July 30th: “You don’t know who I am, do you?”

Read on AO3

This is heavy heavy angst. It’s pretty sad (imo) and also kinda long. So, you know, read at your own risk.

-

With a throbbing in her hip, and a tight pain across her chest, Beca eased herself out of the cab she’d taken, and looked up at the entrance to Barden Nursing Home.

Although she visited several times a week, it seemed like they added more stairs each time she came.

“Can I give you a hand ma’am?”

“Well that depends, Raheem,” Beca said. Her voice wasn’t as strong as it had once been, but anyone who knew her could still detect the bite of sarcasm that filled almost every sentence. “Are you going to call me ma’am again, or are you going to call me Beca?”

Raheem smiled at her from his driver side window.

“Come on Mrs Mitchell, I can’t call you that. What would my grandmother say if she knew I was disrespecting my elders?”

Beca laughed and shook her head. “If you insist.” She held out an arm for him to take, and he left his cab immediately.

Truthfully, she didn’t think she’d make it up on her own anymore.

The doctor had given her a year, give or take, but she knew her own body.

This would be her last visit to Barden Nursing Home.

“Do you want me to wait with the cab?” Raheem asked when they reached the entryway.

“No, no,” Beca said. “The girls are meeting me here, they can drive me home.”

“I’ll see you next week then?”

Probably not. “I’ll give you a call.”

Raheem was Beca’s favourite driver and he happened to be the owner of the cab company, so he always made sure he was the one to drive Beca to her destination.

His mother had been a fan of hers, he’d told her during one of their first journeys, which made her feel older than she was. Or older than she thought she was. It still surprised her when she looked in the mirror and saw an old lady looking back at her.

She didn’t really recognise herself anymore.

Now that her hair was grey, her back slightly hunched, her joints sore and swollen.

They had taken her drivers licence a few years back due to her deteriorating eyesight, and her hearing wasn’t what it was.

And now her lungs were shot. Her liver. Her heart.

Her body was failing her, worsening by the day.

She was in almost constant pain, but she still had her mind. Her mind remained as sharp as it ever was.

For that, she was grateful.

Most of the time, anyway.

Leaning on a cane, with a bunch of flowers in her other hand, she made her way through the reception area.

“Morning Beca,” one of the nurses greeted her warmly. “She’s in her room today, didn’t feel like being social.”

“Thanks hun,” Beca replied. “How is she?”

“One of her better days.”

Good, Beca thought. That’s good.

If today was going to be her last visit, she wanted it to be a good one.

She knocked on door 216, and waited for a response.

“Come in,” came a voice that was both achingly familiar yet totally alien.

“Hi,” Beca said, smiling warmly as she entered the room.

Chloe was sitting in a chair by the window, a blanket over her knees.

Her once red hair was now silver, tied in a neat ponytail. She was still looking outside, but Beca knew her bright blue eyes were now milky and flat. Clouded.

Chloe turned to face her visitor.

“Can I help you?”

Beca felt something hard lodge itself in her chest.

She would never get used to this feeling. She never wanted to get used to this feeling.

She waited for a sign of recognition. A smile or a twinkle, but there was nothing.

Chloe simply looked at her with a patient curiosity.

Well, Beca thought. That’s that, then.

“I was just wondering if you would like some company? I’m new here and I don’t really know anyone.” She placed the flowers in an empty vase of water that she knew the nurses had left there for her, like they did every time she visited.

“Yes, okay. That would be fine,” Chloe said. “I’m Chloe Beale.” She held out her hand for Beca to shake.

Beca shook it, trying not to let the stab of pain show on her face at the sound of Chloe using her maiden name.

“Beca Mitchell,” Beca said, fighting the urge to cover Chloe’s hands with both of her own.

Even after all these years, Beca still wanted nothing more than to pull Chloe into her arms and kiss her.

She couldn’t remember the last time they’d really kissed. The last time they’d lain in bed together while Chloe ran her fingers through Beca’s hair. The last time Chloe had been Chloe.

Chloe’s diagnosis and the progression of her illness had been sudden and devastating and brutally quick.

It was so cruel, Beca thought almost every minute of every day, that she still had Chloe so close yet she couldn’t have been further from her.

“I’m afraid you can’t stay too long,” Chloe said. “My daughters are coming to visit later.”

She remembers the girls, Beca thought. That’s good.

Some days Chloe had no recollection of their daughters. Some days, Chloe had no recollection of any of them.

But once in a while, God, it was so rare now, Chloe would remember Beca and who they’d been together.

“Is that so?” Beca asked. “How old are your daughters?”

“Oh, I don’t know, middle-aged-ish. One’s older than the other,” Chloe said, waving a dismissive hand. “Of an age where they think they’re old but they don’t know they’re actually still very young.”

“Hmm, they must be the same age as my kids. What are their names?”

“Well there’s Blake and, um… shoot. I had it. Begins with a B…”

No it doesn’t.

“No it doesn’t,” Chloe said, shaking her head. “Hayley.”

Riley.

“Riley!”

Beca smiled. If only I could get you to remember me so easily.

“Do you have grandkids?” Beca asked.

“No,” Chloe said with a sigh.

Yes you do. You have four, and they’re beautiful.

“Do you?”

“Yes,” Beca said. “A little too much energy for me to handle these days.”

Chloe seemed to study Beca for a fraction longer.

“You know, you look a lot like my wife. Older, of course, but there’s something about the nose and the smile…”

Beca laughed because if she didn’t she would cry. “Is that right? Well to be honest I wasn’t going to say anything, but you look a lot like my wife.”

“How weird,” Chloe said.

“She was beautiful, just like you,” Beca said, fiddling with the wedding band she still wore.

“Is she still with us?”

Beca looked into Chloe’s eyes, searching for some semblance of the Chloe Beale she had fallen in love with. Searching for a glimmer of recognition. A spark. Anything.

“No,” Beca said. “We lost her a few years ago.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Chloe said, placing her hand on Beca’s as if that’s where it was meant to be. “How awful for you. You must miss her terribly.”

Beca let out a small laugh and tears filled her eyes.

It was unbearable to mourn someone who was sitting two feet in front of you.

“More than anything. We had,” Beca swallowed hard but her voice still broke when she spoke again, “the best life together. She was my best friend… my everything.”

Chloe squeezed her hand. “How lucky you are to have felt love like that. To have loved so strongly that even after all these years you’re still…” Chloe trailed off and looked out of the window again.

“Did… is your wife still with us?” Beca asked, wiping her eyes on her sleeve.

“My… sorry, what did you say?”

“Is your wife still alive?”

“Oh, I don’t have a wife dear,” Chloe said, smiling. “This ginger is single and ready to mingle as my grandkids would say.”

Again, that knife in her heart.

Her grandkids were back, replacing her wife, and with them a spark of the old Chloe.

“Maybe you’ll meet someone here,” Beca said, the sadness taking hold of her now. Settling into her bones in the same way that the damp made her hip throb. “It’s never too late.”

“God, you’re crying, are you okay?”

“Perfectly fine,” Beca said, smiling. “Just thinking about my Chloe has made me go all… well… foolish is probably the best word.”

“Your… Chloe?”

“My wife,” Beca said. “Her name was Chloe.” She swallowed as she looked at the uncomprehending face before her. “She was beautiful. So beautiful. Red hair and bright blue eyes and she was kind, and good, and safe. She was my best my soulmate. And she had a voice like an angel. I’d give…” Beca swallowed again, “I’d give anything to hear her sing again. To hear my Chloe sing again.”

“Beca…”

“Do you know what she said to me the first time we kissed? She promised I would never lose her. We were in a tiny apartment in Brooklyn and she promised I wouldn’t lose her. But that’s the kind of promise only a kid could make. They have no idea, how could they?”

“Beca.”

Chloe’s hand gripped Beca’s and squeezed it. Tight.

“My… Beca?”

And there she was. Back like she’d never gone away.

“Chloe? You… you remember me?”

“Of course I remember you,” Chloe said. Then her eyebrows furrowed, and she looked around her room. “This isn’t our house.”

“No.”

Chloe swallowed and nodded. “I’m… I’m not well, am I?”

Beca sniffed and shook her head.

“Alzheimer’s?”

“Ah ha,” Beca said, fighting to keep her voice steady.

“Like my mom… How long?”

“T-two years,” Beca said. “I tried to take care of you but then I fell and broke my hip and I just… I couldn’t manage on my own anymore. The girls insisted. You’ve been here for about a year. You… you seem happy.”

Beca knew this lucidity wouldn’t last.

Chloe would be gone again, and probably soon.

This was her last chance.

“I love you, Chloe Mitchell, do you hear me? My heart belongs completely to you. And one day… one day soon, I’m not gonna be able to come and visit you anymore. And there may be days where you remember me, but you won’t remember I’m gone, and you’re gonna feel hurt and betrayed. You’re going to think I abandoned you,” Beca squeezed Chloe’s hand again, “but I promise you, if it was up to me, I would never leave your side.”

“So stay,” Chloe said, her voice breaking. “Stay with me.”

Beca gave her a sad smile. “In a few hours, you won’t remember me, baby.”

“How could I ever forget you?”

“Mom?” A voice spoke up from the doorway, and Beca turned to see Blake and Riley standing there. “Is everything-”

“Girls!” Chloe said, brightly. “Come in and meet my new friend Beca.”

No.

Not yet.

Please, not yet.

“Your new friend Beca?”

Beca forced the smile back onto her face, and she stood up.

“Nice to meet you,” Beca said, looking into the faces of her daughters. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

She turned to face Chloe.

“You’re leaving?”

“I should let you have some time with your girls,” Beca said. She took Chloe’s hand in hers, and looked at her wife for what would be the last time. “It was truly a pleasure meeting you, Chloe.”

“I’ll see you again I hope?”

Beca smiled. “Of course. You’ll remember what I said?”

Chloe tilted her head, her eyebrows pulled together in confusion.

“It’s okay,” Beca said. “I know you heard it. It’ll come back to you when you need it.”

“Okay,” Chloe said, still confused. “Do you think… would it be okay if we hugged? You can ask the girls, I’m a hugger.”

She heard a small sniff and she saw Riley quickly leave the room.

“Allergies,” Blake said, quickly.

“Of course we can hug,” Beca said. “I’ve had a wonderful afternoon with you Chloe.”

Chloe stood, her blanket slipping off her lap, and she wrapped her arms around Beca, and Beca hugged back as tight as she dared.

She buried her face in Chloe’s neck and breathed in.

She still smelled like Chloe.

“You know Beca, I think we’re gonna be really fast friends.”

And everything inside of Beca broke.

“Hey, what is it?” Chloe said, softly as Beca clung to her and cried.

“Mom, it’s okay,” Blake said. She stuck her head out of the door and called to her younger sister.

Chloe shot Blake a look of confusion as this apparent stranger sobbed into her shoulder.

“You’re okay,” Chloe said, softly. “Come on, now, you’re okay. I’ve got you.”

“I love you,” Beca whispered into her ear, choking it out between sobs. “Don’t forget that, okay? I love you.”

“Okay, that’s, um, very nice,” Chloe said.

Beca’s chest started feeling tight as she struggled to get air into her lungs.

“Why don’t you sit down? We can call a nurse and-”

“No,” Beca said, quickly, struggling to suck air into her useless lungs. “I just need… in my bag.”

“Here,” Blake said, handing her her inhaler.

“Thank you,” Beca said, taking several deep puffs from it. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry, Chloe.”

She looked at Chloe again, and knew with certainty it was for the last time.

She had gotten a couple of minutes with Chloe - the real Chloe - this afternoon and that was more than she could have hoped for.

“It really was lovely to meet you Chloe,” she said.

“Yes, you too,” Chloe replied, although she sounded less than convincing. “See you another time?”

“I look forward to it,” Beca said.

“Riley, why don’t you make sure… Beca, here, gets to where she needs to be,” Blake said, looking between her parents with pain in her eyes.

“Sure,” Riley said.

When they were away from the room, Riley pulled her Mom into a hug.

“That was a rough one, huh?” Riley asked.

“Unbearable,” Beca said. “She was… she was back. I had her back for like, five minutes. And then…”

Riley kissed her on the head. “Come on, I’ll get one of the nurses to get you some tea and when we’re done we can drive you home.”

Beca frowned. “It’s Thursday. Is Blake not doing dinner?”

“No, she is, but you don’t usually feel like company after a bad visit,” Riley said.

Beca waved a hand of dismissal. “I wanna spend some time getting climbed on by my grandkids. Will your new lady be joining us?”

Riley blushed like a teenager, despite being in her forties. “Not tonight, Mom. It’s a bit soon for a family dinner.”

“Oh come on, you’ve been dating for months! I want to meet her, I have so many embarrassing stories to tell!”

“I know you do,” Riley said. “Which is why we’re gonna wait a few more weeks before we scare her off. Don’t worry, there are endless amounts of family dinners ahead of us for you to embarrass me at.”

Beca smiled. “Okay,” she said.

She hadn’t told the girls she was sick. They had enough in their plates with Chloe, and she didn’t want to add to it.

When the time came, yes, she knew they’d be hurt. She knew that hurt didn’t even come close to covering it. They had all but said their goodbyes to Chloe, but they had no idea that Beca would be beating her to the afterlife.

She knew if she asked them, they’d rather she told them.

It was cruel to blindside them, but in a way wasn’t it crueler to have them watch her slowly waste away in a hospital? To leave them saddled with medical bills that their inheritance would only just cover?

Because she knew her girls, they wouldn’t just let her slip away. They’d want her to fight, and Beca was too tired for fighting.

No. She wouldn’t do that to them. She had already written letters for all of them - including Chloe - and she had left instructions with her solicitors that they would get handed out after her death.

In her will, she’d left most of her money to her daughters and Blake’s four kids, along with a lump-sum donation to Barden Nursing Home.

Her affairs were in order.

The girls didn’t need to know.

“Mom? Are you ready?”

Beca smiled as her daughters approached, and she gratefully took Riley’s hand when she offered it.

She was quiet on the drive back to Blake’s house.

“Sure you’re up for dinner, Mom?” Blake asked, glancing at her in the rear view mirror.

Beca smiled and nodded.

That night she basked in the attention of her grandkids.

The two twin boys - Jackson and Christopher, aged seven - kept trying to explain their favourite show to their grandmother.

They kept acting out scenes, speaking in odd voices, shooting each other with fake guns.

Beca tried to follow along but really she just wanted to watch them play.

The youngest - Davey, four - sat comfortably on her lap.

“Gram read it?” He said, holding up a book.

“Again?” Beca asked.

“Please?”

“Okay,” she said.

“Grandma!” Christopher said, pulling her attention back to him. “Grandma! Look! Then the bad guys do this!” He aimed a finger gun at his brother and deepened his voice. “Prepare to die!”

“Ah ha,” Beca said.

“Gram,” Davey tugged at her sleeve and then placed a hand on his book.

“Sorry,” Beca said, picking up where she left off from.

The noise and distraction was welcome.

It kept Beca’s mind from wandering. She needed a few hours where she wasn’t mourning Chloe.

It was working until ten year old Anne walked into the room, looking far too somber for any ten year old.

“Who’s upset you then?” Beca asked. “I might be old but I can still throw a punch.”

Anne smiled, but only just. “Is grandma better yet?”

Beca frowned. “No, honey. I’m sorry.”

Anne had been the apple of Chloe’s eye right up until the moment she started to forget her.

Blake and her husband David had made the decision early on that the kids shouldn’t visit Chloe. It would be too hard for them to see their grandma and have her not recognise them.

“Is she going to get better soon?”

Beca let out a small sigh. “I don’t know,” she said.

Anne’s face fell, and Beca’s heart broke.

She wished she didn’t have to leave these kids behind.

“Listen, your grandma loves you very much. And so do I. And we always will, no matter what.”

Davey started to fuss on Beca’s knee, and she turned her attention back to him.

“If I wrote grandma a letter, would you give it to her?” Anne asked. “I don’t want her to think I’ve forgotten her.”

Tears filled Beca’s eyes, and she smiled. “Of course. But you should give it to your Mom or aunt Riley. They’ll see her before I do.”

Anne nodded, and went off to her room.

The rest of the night continued the same way every Thursday night dinner did.

Blake complained that Beca ate too little and that her husband ate too much.

The twins would devour anything left too close to them, and Anne would pick out any bit of vegetable she found, no matter how small it had been cut up.

Then Beca would attempt to help with the dishes until she was told to cut it out, and Riley would drive her home.

Before she left that night, she hugged and kissed each of her grandkids, and told them all she loved them beyond comprehension.

She kissed Blake’s cheeks - standing on her tiptoes to do so - and briefly cupped her face in her hands. She told her she loved her too.

She patted David on the arm.

“You’re a good man,” she said. “You’ll take care of them.”

“Jeez, Mom, what’s got you so morbid?”

“Just the joys of ageing,” Beca said.

She didn’t know why she was feeling so sentimental that night, but she put it down to the emotion of the day.

In the car, Beca was quiet again.

“Something’s up with you,” Riley said.

“Today was tough,” Beca said, her head on the window. She turned to look at her daughter, and she seemed to transform in front of her eyes and back again. “Has anyone ever told you how much you look like your mom?”

“You, every day since I was born,” Riley said, laughing as she ran a hand through her short, ginger hair.

“This new girlfriend of yours,” Beca said, “is she nice?”

“What? Yes, Mom, of course.”

“She treats you well? She’s kind? She doesn’t blow up at wait staff or lose her temper in traffic?”

“She’s great,” Riley said. “Look, you can meet her soon, okay? She’s just a bit nervous around parents. She… she didn’t get on great with her own. They weren’t cool when she came out.”

Beca let out a sigh. “Poor girl. You’d think my generation would have grown out of that. Apparently not. As long as she makes you happy, and treats you well, then that’s all that matters.”

Riley laughed. “What, are you trying to make sure I’m married off before you kick it?”

Beca laughed too. “No. I just want you to be happy, my girl.”

“I am,” Riley said. “And not because I’m in a relationship, but because I just… am.”

Beca smiled. “Good. I’ve… I’ve had a very good life, Ri. And I don’t think I realised how good it was, how lucky I was, until your Mom got sick. I wish I could go back and just… enjoy it. Savour it. Those moments I spent with your mom where we would just… talk. And be with each other. I wish I could tell myself to appreciate each and every one.” Beca wiped her eyes. “Promise me you’ll do that?”

“Mom, you sound like you’re giving me some goodbye speech.”

Beca smiled and shook her head. “Promise me.”

“I promise,” Riley said. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m sure,” Beca said.

They pulled up outside Beca’s home.

“You want me to walk you in?”

“I’m not that old yet. I love you. You know that, right?”

“Of course I do. I love you too, Mom.”

Beca smiled at her daughter, and leant across the car to kiss her cheek.

“See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Beca said. “I need to pop into town and pick up a prescription.”

“I’ll take you.”

Beca smiled. “You’re a good girl. See you tomorrow.”

Riley waved and watched as her Mom walked into her house and shut the door behind her. She drove to her girlfriend’s, her heart heavy with sadness for her parents.

Maybe tonight she should tell Sarah that she loved her.

It was true, she had always just been too scared to say it.

She wasn’t sure what she was afraid of anymore.

Beca’s house was as quiet as it always was these days.

She made a cup of chamomile tea, and popped open the Thursday PM slot on her pill caddy. She took the handful of pills and swallowed them with a mouthful of tea.

Then she settled herself in her favourite armchair, and turned on some music.

She was tired.

Really tired.

It had been such a long day.

She felt a tightness in her chest, but it wasn’t any worse than usual so she thought nothing of it.

The song changed and the opening notes of Titanium played out.

This was considered an oldie now.

Beca smiled, and closed her eyes as she remembered the first time she sang that song with her wife.

God, what a life they’d had.

She didn’t open her eyes again.

[razieltwelve]

Babysitter (Final Rose)

“Be careful out there,” Lightning murmured. “Anything that needs your whole team is going to be trouble. If you want, I could...?”

Summer smiled. “We can handle it. Besides, we can’t just dump everything on you and Fang. We’ll be fine.” She nodded to where Ruby and Yang were talking with Diana and Averia. “Just knowing that you’re watching the kids puts our minds at ease.”

“I’ll take care of them like they’re my own.” Lightning nodded crispy. “You’d better get going then. Keep in touch. Don’t be afraid to call for reinforcements if you think you need them.”

Summer said her goodbyes to Ruby and Yang and then vanished through a portals with Raven.

“Okay,” Lightning said. “Who wants lunch?”

X     X     X

It was a testament to the great friendship between Ruby and Diana that the two were able to share cookies without coming to blows. In fact, their friendship was punctuated by all of the different kinds of cookies they’d shared over the years. This particular set was cookies with hazelnuts, chocolate chips, and almonds.

It was delicious.

“Where did you get these from?” Ruby asked as the pair bunkered down in their makeshift pillow fort. “They’re great.”

“Mom made them,” Diana said.

“Really? Where did she get the recipe?” Ruby peeked out of the pillow fort. Yang and Claire ere cackling and brandishing pillows menacingly. She was more worried about Averia. She couldn’t see her, which meant she was probably doing something sneaky.

“I think she used her Semblance to do it.” Diana grinned. “We bought a pack of cookies like this one, and I asked her if she could make some just like them, and she did.”

“Your mom’s Semblance is so cool.” Ruby wished she had a Semblance that could make cookies... and do all the other cool stuff Saviour could do. “Where’s your sister?”

Diana followed Ruby’s gaze. “She’s probably planning something. Whenever we play pillow forts, she’s always planning something. Claire and Yang are just trying to distract us.” Diana handed Ruby a weapon. “Here. You can have this. It’s the Pillow Launcher 2000.”

“Why 2000?”

“Aunt Vanille says you should always add a number to your inventions.”

“Oh. Cool.” Ruby took the weapon. “How does it work?”

“Just point it and pull the trigger. It shoots little pillows.” Diana pointed to the small pile of little pillows beside them. “But you have to reload after every shot. I built one that could hold lots of pillows and shoot them super fast, but after I broke a vase with it, mom said that I had to tone it down since it was making a mess.” She huffed. “I still didn’t win, though. Averia dodged every pillow and whacked me.”

“Your sister has all the big sister sister powers,” Ruby said. “But we’ll get her this time even if it’s two against three.”

“There might be more of them, but we have the fort.” Diana grabbed her own pillow launcher. “We just have to keep our eyes open.”

X     X     X

"Are you going to be okay sleeping in the pillow fort?” Lightning asked.

After a brief skirmish, the five girls had agreed to join forces to defeat the forces of evil. They’d even written a manifesto naming their enemies with particular attention paid to vegetables, homework, and the Grimm.

It was adorable in a way. The girls were so confident in their parents’ ability to protect them from all the troubles of the world that they put Grimm on the same level as vegetables and homework. It was understandable too. Their parents were amongst the most powerful hunters in the world. They could walk into situations that would see the deaths of hundreds of soldiers and walk out without a scratch.

“We’ve got plenty of space,” Yang said. “We even made beds and stuff.”

The fort had steadily grown to consume most of the living room.

“Besides,” Claire said, grinning. “It’s not like Ruby and Diana are very big.”

“Hey!” Ruby stood to her full, not very imposing, height. “I’m not small! I’m...” She trailed off as she realised that she was indeed small next to Claire. In fact, she wasn’t all that much bigger than Diana who was tiny. “I’ll grow!”

“Well, as long as you’re sure.” Lightning peeked into the pillow fort. The girls had done a very good job of constructing it, and the beds they’d put together would be more than comfortable enough for the night. “Just don’t stay up too late.” She glanced at Averia. “Okay?”

“Yes, mom,” Averia replied. She knew, even without Lightning saying it, that she was in charge of making sure that everyone got to sleep at a reasonable time. “We’ll be fine.”

“Good.” Lightning paused. “And if you’re going to tell stories, nothing too scary. I don’t want anyone screaming in the middle of the night.”

Scary stories were all well and good, but there was a time and place for them. She could still remember one sleepover when Yang had decided to tell some stories she’d heard from Qrow. The blonde was absolutely fearless, so the stories hadn’t bothered her. Ruby, however, had spent the entire night clinging onto Yang like a barnacle. Yang had been so regretful, especially when Ruby had insisted that it wasn’t her fault that she’d been so scared.

“All right then.” Lightning nodded at the girls. “I’ll be upstairs if you need me.”

“Mommy is coming back home tomorrow, right?” Diana asked.

“Yes,” Lightning replied. “In the afternoon.”

X     X     X

“How are the girls?” Summer asked. She took a quick look at her reflection in her weapon. Good. She hadn’t missed any spots. The mission had gone reasonably well, but the whole team had still ended up covered in mud and gore. They’d decided to spend a few days in the area just to make sure they hadn’t missed anything, but the worst of it should be over. The quick shower she’d managed to squeeze in before calling Lightning had been welcome, but she’d probably have to hop back in to really get all of the grime off. Still, she hadn’t been able to wait any longer before checking in.

“They’re fine.” Lightning pointed her scroll at the front yard. “As you can see.”

Summer bit back a giggle. Ruby was arguing with one of Diana’s raccoon friends whilst Yang seemed to be playing cards against Claire, a squirrel, and a goose. Averia was practicing something with Fang while Diana went over to mediate the dispute between Ruby and her minion.

“They look like they’re having fun.” Summer smiled. “No problems?”

“They’ve been fine.” Lightning shifted the scroll back to her. “What about on your end? Any problems?”

Summer shook her head. “It was messy, but nothing we couldn’t handle. And before you ask, the worst we had to deal with were some bumps and bruises. We were able to locate the Grimm in charge and eliminate it at the start of the mission. There were a lot of others, but without their leader, they were a lot less troublesome. The local militia here aren’t half bad either. We had to clear the way, but they did a good job offering supporting fire and flanking once we’d established position.”

“Good.” Lightning reached back without looking and caught one of the tennis balls that Fang had been throwing at Averia. The girl was blind-folded and blocking them with a stick. She tossed it back to Fang. “How long are you going to be staying the area for?”

“A few more days,” Summer replied. “We think we got them all, but we want to make sure. With Grimm like this, you don’t want any to escape. Sure, they might not learn anything, but there are those that do, and they’ll be tougher to get the next time. The terrain here is pretty rugged too. We want to do a proper mapping run, just in case we missed anything. It wouldn’t hurt to have a more up-to-date map of the area as well. We’ve already noticed a few things that don’t line up.”

Lightning nodded. “It’s the frontier. A lot of the maps we have are decades old. A big storm or some flooding could easily change things. Sure, we’ve got satellite imagery to go by, but in some places the forest is so thick that you can’t really make out the ground.”

“There has been talk of sending out fleets of exploratory and mapping drones, but some of these frontier settlements have expanded faster than our coverage has. We’ll just have to keep an eye on it, maybe send a few lower-level hunter teams to map things out.”

It was a decent way for lower-level teams or even students to gain some experience, and good maps were invaluable on missions.

“Can I talk to the girls?” Summer asked.

“Sure.” Lightning raised her voice. “Ruby, Yang, someone wants to talk to you.”

X     X     X

Author’s Notes

Hunters look after their own. It is standard practice for hunters who are on good terms with each other to watch each other’s children if family is unavailable. In many cases, hunters will even raise each other’s children if the parents are unable to do so. In Lightning and Summer’s case, if something were to happen to Team STRQ, Lightning is next in line to raise Ruby and Yang.

This is just one of many times that Ruby and Yang (and later their siblings) would spent time over at the Yun-Farron household. Not only are Lightning and Summer best friends, but it is quite possibly the safest neighbourhood in the world since Serah and Snow are next door and Lumina and Vanille live down the road with Sephiroth moving in next door (the other side) around this time too and Jihl and Lebreau not being very far either.

[lepusrufus]

Double edged scalpel ch.6

ch.1 ch.2 ch.3 ch.4 ch.5

Summary: It's backstory time!

Mandatory warning since this is not a usual thing on my blog so I think a separate warning would be useful, there will be talk of past abuse and alcohol abuse.

----

"Wakey wakey," came the gruff voice from just outside her bedroom door.

It was slightly muffled but more than enough to make her jolt awake, muscle memory taking over the remnants of sleep. She only had one minute to be out the door. It was more than enough though, her routine perfected over years. Get out of bed. Put socks on. Get shoes. Grab the duffel bag. She slept dressed anyways, ready to go at any time.

Or not?

Where were her clothes?

Nevermind that she had time to put something on. Just grab a shirt and pants from the dresser.

Hurried steps took her over the plush carpet. Wasn't it supposed to be a solid grey? Had her mother swapped it for one of their fancier rugs?

That didn't matter right now. Clothes. She needed clothes. When she got to her dresser she stood there, frowning at the bookshelf that now took its place. She didn't even remember acquiring the tomes in front of her, most of them old and with unfamiliar trinkets surrounding them. That's not how her bedroom was arranged. Why wasn't anything in its place? Was Alex playing a prank on her? No, he wouldn't do that.

Time was almost up and she needed some goddamn clothes and to get out and her head was starting to spin-

"Nicole?"

Her eyes snapped back to the bed she had so hastily vacated, Cassandra looking at her concerned.

From the room's entrance came another familiar voice. Bela. "I only wanted to let you know that Daniela wants to go for a hunt tomorrow." Her eyes were averted and as soon as the words left her lips, she turned and shut the door behind her, not waiting for an answer from her sister.

Confusion mixed in with dizziness, but Nicole let out a quiet oh when she fully realized where she was. Cassandra's bedroom. They came here last night and fell asleep. And she was only wearing underwear.

She went to sit on the edge of the bed, head resting in her hands to try alleviate the fog in her brain. She probably looked like hell, but that was the least of her concerns right now.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Came the uncharacteristically soft voice of Cassandra, who had moved from her spot under the blankets and was gently rubbing her back.

"Uh, nothing," Nicole replied, as if she didn't look ready to puke.

Cassandra only pursed her lips and frowned. "You looked like you simultaneously saw a ghost and were ready to fight a ghost."

She swallowed thickly and forced out a laugh. "Oh are we at "tragic backstory" relationship level now?" It was at best a pathetic attempt to change the subject and at worst annoying.

When she looked back at the brunette she was still frowning, but not in annoyance. Her golden eyes sparked with concern, scrutinizing the redhead's face and body language for any clue as to what was wrong. It sent a pang of guilt through Nicole's chest. She took a deep breath and leaned back into Cassandra's touch, trying to collect her thoughts. Where does one even begin to explain this whole mess?

"Have you ever wondered why I came here? To the village?"

"...Not really," she admitted.

Nicole took another deep breath, pulling the words from her mouth as if she were pulling out teeth with pliers.

"My dad, he…he had a bit of a weird business. We never knew the details of it, he never told any of us and we knew better than to snoop, but I do know it had something to do with drugs and was highly illegal."

Staying in one place proved itself a pesky little task, so Nicole stood up and started to collect her clothes from the floor and started dressing. Cassandra instead remained in the same spot, listening intently.

"With a job like that you make enemies by default. And that made him paranoid beyond belief. When me and Alex, my older brother, were children it wasn't that bad. Worst thing he would do was lock our bedroom doors and refuse to let us attend public school."

She narrowed her eyes at a wall, still not wanting to meet Cassandra's gaze. Now that she said it out loud, not that bad sounded pretty bad too. Whatever.

"It started going downhill when I was around…" She pursed her lips, trying to make her brain put together some semblance of a timeline. "Twelve. Yeah twelve. He came bursting into our bedrooms at 2 a.m. saying that someone with a gun had gotten into our house and wanted to kill us. We were mortified. I remember my mom holding me and Alex in the backseat crying while my dad drove us to his secluded cabin in the woods."

"And that became a habit of his. He'd have us do these drills every once in a while and then scream at us if we didn't do everything in under a minute."

"That's so fucking stupid," Cassandra spat, golden eyes gleaming with anger.

Nicole started pacing back and forth, desperate for a distraction. "Oh I know. And after a few years of this I made sure to tell him exactly how much I thought it was bullshit."

Finally coming to terms with the lack of something to do while she talked, Nicole gave up and went back to the bed. She sat down by Cassandra's side, though still avoiding her eyes.

"Do you know what getting punched in the face feels like?"

Cassandra's expression contorted into a disgusted grimace. With the hand not on Nicole's back rubbing comforting circles, she dug talons into the soft fabric of a blanket. She didn't really have an answer because frankly she didn't know. Her body reacted very differently to physical harm and the few that could hurt her wouldn't go for a stupid punch to the face. Nicole kept on talking though, not really looking for an answer.

"That shut me up for a bit. Key word a bit. When he woke me up on the night before an important test I was pissed. I just thought fuck it and went upstairs to the library. It took him around twenty minutes to find me and when he did… Well, I regretted some life choices."

"I was so done with being there in that house. Though thankfully my parents went on a business trip the next day and Alex was at a friend's for the weekend. I had the whole house to myself and decided to grab one of my mom's vintage wines and just spend the evening on the couch drinking. And that's how I became an alcoholic at the ripe old age of fifteen." She let out a humorless chuckle at the end.

That day was a blur in her mind. The only thing that she vividly remembered was Alex coming home early and finding her blackout drunk on the couch. At the end of the day though, they were both in the same boat. He just grabbed the bottle from her and started to sip away at the remaining wine. Laughing at each other's hangover the next day was the most fun they'd had in ages so it became a habit for the both of them. Every once in a while they'd go into the wine cellar, pick out a bottle and then go drink it in the attic while they pretended their problems didn't exist. It continued well into their college years. Nicole was barely able to recall doing anything during her years in med school that wasn't being drunk or studying.

She groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. That's not where she meant to go with the story. Cassandra placing a gentle kiss on her shoulder brought her enough comfort to try and wrap it up.

"I guess in a sick ironic way my dad was right in the end though," she subconsciously shifted closer to the brunette and she wasted no time in loosely wrapping her arms around Nicole's waist.

"I was three weeks away from completing my residency when I came home from the lab, only to find my mom in a puddle of blood on the living room floor. My brother was in a similar state in his bedroom. My dad was nowhere to be found but I didn't care. It was his fault," she swallowed the lump in her throat and felt tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

"I just grabbed my documents and a duffle bag with some clothes and ran. Booked the first flight to Romania to come stay at my grandparents'. Oh except they know what my dad is all about! Told me I had an hour to get some rest and be out of their house as they didn't want any trouble with my dad's people."

"I did grab a fuck ton of my dad's cash though so at least hotels weren't an issue," her words were coming out chocked, occasionally interrupted by sniffles. She rapidly whipped a hand across her face. "Have you ever been to Braşov? Old part of the city is quite lovely."

Cassandra grimaced. She didn't want to interrupt, but seeing Nicole in such a state made something in her unbeating heart ache. She gently wiped the trail of tears from her cheeks and placed a kiss on her temple from where she was sitting half behind Nicole. Then, with the softest voice she could muster, "And how did you meet Duke?"

Nicole's eyes widened slightly, apparently having forgotten that detail.

"Oh I stumbled upon his shop one day. I thought he was selling some neat stuff and he was nice so I kept coming back. One thing led to another and when I found out about a place off the map where no one gets in or out without help I thought it would be the perfect place to hide from the people trying to put a bullet through my head." Then she winced slightly. "I was also mildly tipsy when I made that decision."

Cassandra looked a little incredulous. "And he just brought you here?"

"I paid him."

Cassandra's expression turned to what could only be described as disappointed but not surprised. Then her attention went back on the redhead, glossy eyes fixated on the floor. To say she sucked at comforting others was an understatement. Daniela was far more well versed in the art of making others not feel miserable but she was nothing if not stubborn enough to try.

"Listen," she shifted to sit in front of her, hand placed gently on a wet cheek. "If anyone ever dares come near you with the intention of harming you, I'll make them regret every life choice that led them there. You're safe here." She may not be great with her words, but if Cassandra excelled in anything, it was keeping her loved ones safe. Loved one huh.

Nicole leaned into her touch, finally meeting Cassandra's eyes. There was a gentle kind of determination in her golden gaze, accompanied by a fiery rage that, for once in her life, brought comfort as opposed to terror. It came with the knowledge that it wasn't directed at her but at whoever may want to harm her.

She didn't doubt her words. Instead she shifted closer, face nuzzled in the crook of Cassandra's neck and, barely above a whisper, said: "Thank you."

[mrskurono]

title: N/A || Megumi Fushiguro x FemSorcerer!reader a/n: this is old and converted from a fic I ditched with an oc so I reformatted it to a reader x type of deal word count: 1.7k tags: mentions of death, reader is queer (pan or bi you decide), comfort ish fic, fluff, based mostly on the anime since I wrote this prior to reading it character(s): Megumi Fushiguro (jjk)

"Oh, you're awake."

That voice wasn't a surprise. Megumi had heard it before as he lie in bed taking the most of his recovery time. Before it had just been to the tune of his eyes closed and his laying still in bed while she either talked to him or any number of nurses that had come and gone over the past twenty four hours. Sitting up in bed now Megumi locked eyes with his visitor. 

A nonverbal acknowledgment to the second year. It took but a moment for the sorcerer to see the small wrapped box you had brought back with yourself. You took heed of your underclassman staring at what you'd brought back. So you took it upon yourself to share without him asking about it. 

"Something to eat," you smiled sweetly. Just as you took up you seat once more at his bedside, this time you placed the wrapped box on the table swung over his bed, "I didn't think hospital food sounded good after that long of a nap."

Megumi looked at the fabric covered tote box placed before him, "That wasn't a nap, I was passed out."

"I know," you nodded, no fault of your own as your smile persisted, "Just telling myself it was a nap calmed my nerves."

He looked up from the unopened treat box. Sincerity in your eyes just as there had been from day one. Megumi questioned how someone so soft would align with such a life. He broke eye contact just to look at the box again. 

Never had he mentioned having any favorite foods to you. Which was partially true. If it tasted good then he'd eat it. Simple as that. So Megumi admitted to being a little taken back by what you could have brought him that wasn't already just easily provided by the hospital.

"Open it already," you coaxed, "I heard your stomach rumble hours ago before you woke up."

He was famished. No lie there. Megumi carefully untied the knot of the neat lunchbox. Unwrapping it's contents to be more than just surprised about what you'd brought him. Delicately worked on onigiri with the three of them sporting different flavors. Crisp tempura fried vegetables laid carefully next to it. And what looked to be a small cup thermos nestled off to the side. He had an idea whatever was in it probably was as good as the rest of the food laid out. 

Seeing the spread all he could muster was purely a question, "Where did you buy this? It looks...nice."

You shook your head, "I didn't. It's all homemade don't worry."

Admitting to the labor that had gone into this gesture only magnified the oddity that was your continual kindness. It wasn't prevalent in a jujutsu sorcerer's life. And simply one not displayed by sorcerer's as a whole. It left Megumi more than a jumble of confused words why his upperclassman could maintain kindness when also baring a curse like the rest of them.

"...thank you, y/n." He looked up from his meal at you, "Really, thank you."

Brimming with a cocky smile that never faded, you gestured to the meal, "C'mon don't thank me without trying it. It could be complete garbage and you don't know."

Megumi handled one of the onigiri as he brought it to his lips. Not meant to hide his soft smile, he still took a pause before biting it, "I know it's good, you made it."

Without a shadow of a doubt he was right. Everything you'd packed into that plain little bento was everything but plain. Delicious down to the last crumble. Megumi hadn't realized it was gone before he was taking the last dribble of soup from the thermos. When he finally set it down to realize his plate empty and stomach full, he found himself wondering once again the same question. 

"...you're such a good cook too," Megumi added to the list of things he'd already told you, you were good at. "Why are you here when you could clearly be doing so many other things."

A shrug with a chagrined look on your face, "Well the other second years are just overreacting with the exchange anyways, and you were here so I thought I'd-"

"No," Megumi shook his head to stop the dodging you always did. "I mean here doing this." 

This question again. You had run into it a few times before with Megumi's questions as well as some of the other students. It never seemed enough to just say one saw curses. Here they wanted detailed information on what landed someone here. As secretive as the jujutsu sorcery field was. You never felt it necessary to divulge your background like it was some stat to be learned in a comic book. You were here and you were learning. What else did people need?

"...I can see curses. Not a lot I can do with that," you answered just as sweetly as any other time the question arose. Where that answer sat just fine with everyone else. Be it maybe a lot of jujutsu sorcerers were a little self centered. Making your kindness stick out like a sore thumb and get seen more than once as a weakness. It also alleviated the need to elaborate most times. But where you found relief in other's laziness not to ask too many questions. It was Megumi's consistently deadpan prying that perhaps drew you to befriend him. That came with the price of his constant inquiry about why you did the things you did. Especially if they involved him.

So again, for what seemed like the hundredth time now in your friendship, Megumi asked, "How did someone so kind get cursed though."

If it were anyone else perhaps you'd ignore it with a sweet smile. Act like it didn't matter and it was just a fluke in your character. There were a million things you'd would rather do than relive the cause of this career choice. Presented with Megumi's brush with death caused a waiver in your conviction to stay out of personal affairs though. You'd made some superficial friendships here. But when the first years, or at least when two of the three first years, returned from a botched first grade curse mission. Very present negative emotions flooded you. Ones all too familiar and worrisome. You were forced to relive a glimpse of your heartache from years ago. With a heavy heart you knew sitting at someone's bedside night and day warranted some kind of explanation.

"...I...I lost someone," you looked down at your empty hands, "When I was younger of course. I guess they were my bestfriend."

Lots of people lost friends and family. Death was present but not normally the clear cut reason to harbor so much negative emotions that fueled Jujutsu Sorcerers. Megumi looked over at his upperclassman wringing your hands together nervously. If death was the cause he knew this couldn't be easy for you to talk about in a setting like a hospital.

Megumi didn't want to upset the semblance of friendship he respected with you, "You don't have to if you don't-"

"No, heh," Looking up from your hands you smiled through a thin veil of tears threatening your distant glazed over eyes, "I'll tell you because...I was just as scared that you were going to die too. And- well, I just don't know if my heart could handle this all over again."

"Your heart?" He didn't show it but Megumi kindled a bit of surprise in his mind knowing he liked your company but didn't know it was reciprocated beyond courteous nature from you. 

A quite nod from you. Your body was present but when Megumi met your eyes it was clear you weren't thinking about the here and now.

"...when I was in primary school I had a best friend I did everything with. She was...she was everything to me." You smiled just at the fuzzy memory, "Nothing fancy I guess, bad things happen everyday. And it was just another day...We were walking home when it happened. A cough, I didn't think anything of it since kids get sick all the time. But before I realized it that would be the last time we would walk home together. The last time we'd do anything together." You brushed the tears from your eyes but didn't let your smile fade, "I couldn't see her before she passed away, something about more kids getting sick and infectious. How I didn't get sick is beyond me. We spent every moment together. Before I knew what happened, my mom broke down telling me she'd died and well...I was just left to process it."

Megumi held his tongue for a moment. There was no trauma. No indicator that it really would be enough to cause anguish such that a curse would be born. While his heart ached for a moment of compassion at your loss, he was still confused as to what upset you enough to bring on the change young Jujutsu sorcerer's experience to put them on this path. 

He didn't need to wait though or even ask when seeing the curses started. You looked at him with the biggest grin while tears rolled down your cheeks and in all sincerity finally told the truth to someone, "It wasn't until later when the curses started showing up and my heart never really healed. I realized what was haunting me....I loved her and never got the chance to tell her that." 

Loss of love and innocence. Deadly and deceitful to a human. Survivors always carried a heavy weight and you were no different. Megumi understood what inflicted your curse energy. It was something that wouldn't leave you until the day you died. Heart wrenching like all jujutsu sorcerer's, it left one question pertinent to Megumi more than anything. 

He looked from you. To the things you'd brought. And finally back at you with the small things connecting in his mind, "Does that mean..."

Your distant stare returned to the present to meet up with Megumi's green eyes. Holding his gaze for a drawn out moment as you fought with what was inside you. Finally you couldn't keep it together and cracked with an incredibly soft smile playing on your lips. You couldn't live with another curse like this so you came clean, "...yeah, I think I love you too."