#(I tried to use less popular name formatting for now but I might still make this post rb-able later)

[confusedwitch]

Witch-Related Books to Grab off Amazon: Masterpost Part 1

First off, I'll be sectioning this into different parts based off of what type of witch you are/want to be/want more info on, or what practices you wanna add to your craft :)

Green Witch/Magick Herbalism (a classic):

The Green Witch by Arin Murphy-Hiscock - $9.69 (Hardcover): This book had incredible reviews on amazon, and a lot of the written reviews said that the book wasn't specific to a religion and didn't try to push a religion on you, which is so wonderful because not everyone wants to be religious with their craft.

Plant Witchery by Juliet Diaz - $25.19 (Hardcover) $18.99 (Paperback): Again, stunning reviews, just a less popular book. This book isn't about general stuff, but instead it's more focused on mother nature and the useage of plants (non-herbal as well, so your houseplants might be mentioned too), which is great if you wanna center your practice around Gaia and the healing energies of the earth.

Herb Magick: An Introduction to Magickal Herbalism and Spells by Patti Wigington - $14.99 (Paperback): here's a review from a verified person- it explained this book WAY better than I ever could:

The focus of this book is on the folkloric and magical uses of herbs, rather than medicinal applications. It provides a few traditional uses of herbs, but the overall theme is knowledge of the plants and their associations, and incorporating them in your spiritual workings. This is an Introductory to Magical Herbalism.

The author's spiritual practice is rooted in traditional American and European Folk Magic. She is a licensed Pagan Clergy and is the founder of Clan Of The Stone Circle, a Celtic Pagan Tradition. (Funny, anything Celtic has been pulling my attention feelers lately, no wonder why I loved this book.) Her spells are derived/based upon the traditional folk magic practices of Western Europe and the British Isles, and the author's own experiences. They are positive spells for magical intentions of healing, love, prosperity, and protection. Baneful or negative workings with herbs are NOT used in this book.

The aesthetic of this book has my little, beginner herbalist heart gushing! The blue, green, and yellow earthy tones and hues used were perfect for the topic of herbs! The cover is GORGEOUS! It's so pretty and flowery, the illustrated pictures of the herbs were extremely helpful because I had never seen some of the plants before. This will make future identification much easier for me!

Cunningham's Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs by Scott Cunningham - $16.43 (Paperback): A couple reviews describe it as being in a cookbook format, and overall an amazing book, like most of Scott Cunningham's other works. Apparently the Amazon shipping was literal trash for a bunch of people and they essentially left the book loose inside the box to bang around and get all sorts of messed up :((

The Witch's Herbal Apothecary by Marysia Miernowska - $18.69 (Paperback): Described by reviewers as the PERFECT book for recipes and rituals, even one of Marysia's personal students spoke very highly of her, saying that she's the real deal. Other reviews state the book as being very beginner friendly, and beautifully written and illustrated :))

Blackthorn's Botanical Magic: The Green Witch's Guide to Essential Oils for Spellcraft, Ritual, and Healing by Amy Blackthorn - $15.79 (Paperback): again, phenomenal reviews, just a lesser-known book. Again, here's a review from someone who explained the book a bit better than I could:

This book is way more than I thought it would be. I thought it would be like a dictionary - you look up the essential oil and get the definition. It is that but it's also got a few introductory chapters about oils and products and rituals to give you a nice and concise overview of a lot of things you might need to know as a novice. I also like the way you can reference different oils in alpha order but also look up your purpose and find the oil you need.

From the looks of it, this book is specifically about Essential Oils. Is that still Green Witchery?? Lol I'm not sure, but i felt like it should go in this category.

Kitchen Witch (another classic):

Blackthorn's Botanical Brews by Amy Blackthorn - $14.49 (Hardcover): this is mainly a book of recipes for drinks and cocktails and stuff. There was one review complaining about how it didn't have correspondences, meanwhile the book is literally described as being a recipe book? It's an AMAZING book if you enjoy/want to start making homemade elixirs and cocktails :))

The Natural Witch's Cookbook: 100 Magickal, Healing Recipes, and Herbal Remedies to Nourish Body, Mind, and Spirit by Lisanna Wallace - $20.69 (hardcover): This is again just a book of recipes, and the reviews are really good. Here's one of them:

I wanted to write the review as soon as I got the book. I was not expecting this book to be so fantastic. The recipes are very nutritious and the names are very inventive, but I could see that before I tried the recipes. I held off on writing the review until I tasted a few of the recipes. Even my kids were very happy with the flavors of these recipes. They are mostly easy to make and they are very delicious. Be aware though that the food can only be as great as the quality of the ingredients that you get. These are not recipes that call for complicated or fancy ingredients, or even a lot of ingredients. As a result, you have to use the best that you can find/afford to get the best results you can. I did not use expensive ingredients, but everything I used was very fresh and it does make a difference on the outcome. Overall, the book have some great recipes, easy to follow and the end result does look like the ones on the picture.

The Book of Kitchen Witchery by Cerridwen Greenleaf - $12.89 (Paperback):

I am so pleased with this book. It’s so magical and warm. Sometimes the new age genre can be a little too technical or focus too much on religion or putting down particular religions... this was not like that. There are so many lovely tips and easy spells and recipes that are kept fairly light so you can make them your own. The book just makes me happy, it has an energy to it that goes right along with it’s artsy illustrations and at-a-glance format. This will be a great reference. Very grateful to everyone who made this book possible.

A former editor said that there were a few editing mistakes, but nothing too crazy. If that's one of your pet peeves, just beware when buying this book lol (btw the editor still have a 4 star review because they said the book is still very good)

Potions, Elixirs & Brews by Anaïs Alexandre - $12.79 (Hardcover): I just had to include both of these amazing reviews, since both said what the other review did not.

This book is so gorgeous and everything I have been looking for in regards to potions. I love her writing style and the way the book looks. Highly informative and I can feel her good intentions behind the book. She is very intelligent. I respect her and I am inspired by her! I found her by chance looking up books for potions, she also has Instagram! Very grateful, amazing book thank you:-) so happy to be the first comment:p excited to see what else amazing things come from Anais!

And

I adore this book. The art and setup is simplistic and beautiful. There is a system that tells you exactly how difficult each potion will be to make, whether or not it’s alcoholic, and what is the ideal season to make it in. The instructions are clear, the preliminary information is well done, and there’s even a section for brewing large batches which I LOVE. The weight of the book is nice and it feels of good quality. The papers are glossy and, I haven’t yet, but I feel like it won’t be a disaster If you get some of your creation on it. The book is separated into types of potions depending on your intent. This is a perfect book for anyone new to making potions or is interested in a magickal recipe book!

The Witches Feast: A Kitchen Grimoire by Melissa Madara - $35 (Hardcover): This book actually isn't out yet, but it'll be released on October 26th of this year (2021). It looks promising, which is why I put it on the list, and for that much money, it better be good lol

Lunar/Moon/Astrology Witch:

The Complete Guide to Astrology by Louise Edington - $9.49 (Paperback) $22.99 (Hardcover): There's amazing reviews on this book, and one of them said that she's been researching astrology for 23 years!! Here's the review in it's entirety:

I've been a student of Astrology for the past 23 years now, and have read most of the books on this subject that are considered foundational. Many guides to astrology that I page through in a bookstore are fine, but covering information I already know. What I so appreciated about Edington's new book is that she brings a new angle to even the basics of Astrology. Her book feels like a fresh update, more appropriate to our current time in terms of language and sensibility. There are no "evil" aspects or transits in Edington's view, no dark warnings of disaster; her evolutionary perspective encourages us to see the opportunity in even the most challenging times, what can be learned, what can be accomplished. As she says in her book, she doesn't look at the natal chart as something fixed, unchanging, rather a "blueprint rich in meaning and possibility."

I also admired Edington's extensive knowledge of the stories behind the names and symbology used in Astrology: sharing her interpretations of them, how they are useful, how they can be limiting. Concepts I thought I already understood have been unpacked in greater depth by the author, so that I see deeper layers.

This text is beautifully written, well-organized, offering a fresh update, as well as a deeper dive than many astrology texts. This book is an invaluable resource I'll be returning to, and consulting, with appreciation.

Moon Spells: How to Use the Phases of the Moon to Get What You Want by Diane Ahlquist - $11.35 (Paperback): This book is a bit older fashioned in the sense that it's VERY heteronormative, we're talking about love magick SPECIFICALLY for men and all about being a father, and a section of love magick SPECIFICALLY for women and being a mother. So if this gets on your nerves, then i wouldn't recommend this book. Other than that, the reviews are very good and they describe the book as being a must-have for lunar witches.

The Complete Book of Moon Spells by Michael Herkes - $13.49 (Paperback): Yes, this book was written by a man. If that's something that might make you not want to purchase, please look at this and also keep in mind that SO MANY of the most highly esteemed witches of the world ARE MEN. So if you wanna be closed off and refuse their help and their knowledge, go ahead sis, I'm not stopping you.

He's most definitely not just "some guy". Aside from that, this book has very good reviews. Some people called it "fluffy" and a bit less serious then they anticipated, but it's very good for beginner witches who are finally wanting to start doing spells. Here's a review.

In this book you explore ways to conjure the mysterious power of the moon to manifest your intentions to achieve abundance and balance in your life! Each chapter is devoted to one of the eight phases of the moon and includes various spells, tarot spreads, crystal grids and potions that reflect that phase of the moon!

This is an overall amazing book if you want to build a foundation of learning about the history of the moon, astrology, cycles & phases, ritual tools, crystals, herbs, and essential oils- as well as the moon spells and rituals.

This is one of my new favorite books! I feel so connected to the moon and this book is a great reference for learning the best rituals and spells to use for the different moon phases and energies surrounding them! It’s easy to follow and the lunar rituals, mystical spells and magical drinks are so vibrant, creative and helpful in my spiritual journey. I’d recommend this book to anyone that loves the moon like I do.

Moon Magic: A Handbooks of Lunar Cycles, Lore, and Mystical Energies by Aurora Kane - $19.99 (Hardcover, although there's only three left when I'm looking at it) $9.99 (Kindle):

One review said that the book much surpassed their expectations, and another review said this:

I absolutely adore this book.

If you're just a beginner and want to understand the different moon phases, this is the book to get.

The information inside was extremely helpful without being overly complicated.

Well worth the money spent.

Astrology: Using the Wisdom of the Stars in Your Everyday Life by DK - $14.59 (Hardcover):

I saw this in store and was immediately drawn to it's beautiful and shiny cover! But when I open it, the inside is just as beautiful! I love looking through the pages. I would say it is a very good basic astrology book, but I have another one that gives much more detail. I like this one for more of a quick reference kind of book. It's more of a bullet point style book, where it gives little tidbits instead of paragraphs going in depth. (Though some pages do have paragraphs) BUT, it covers just about everything including all the houses, moon signs, and ascending signs. It covers everything, but it just covers he tip of the iceberg. (In my opinion) I still absolutely recommend it!

Apparently this book is also available in Barnes and Noble, so if you have access to one, you might wanna look there for the book before purchasing off of Amazon :)

Misc Books (General):

The Spell Book for New Witches: Essential Spells to Change Your Life by Ambrosia Hawthorn - $10.19 (Paperback) $20.69 (Hardcover):

This book... It's a very good spell book, and is true in the spells it contains, but MY biggest problem with it is that it's V E R Y Wiccan, and seems almost preachy about the "Threefold Law" and what they like to call "karma". Choosing not to do dark magick is PERFECTLY FINE and being Wiccan is totally okay! But don't be like Christianity and rub it in people's faces, dude. The book talks about how you can ONLY practice "love and light". Other than that, this book is AMAZING and rated literally 5 stars with over 11K reviews. If you lean more Wiccan, by ALL means, buy this spellbook. It's the one for you.

Practical Magic for Beginners by Maggie Haseman - $13.49 (Paperback)

This book is fantastic for the witch who wants to learn more about her craft but doesn't know where to start. Each subject is broken down into easy to absorb bits of wisdom without being overwhelming. A great jumping off place to decide where to dive in deep next.

This book is very comprehensive, and is a great reference guide for beginner witches, or witches looking to add another book to their collection.

Candle Magic For Beginners by Mystic Dylan - $10.86 (Paperback) $21.99 (Spiral bound)

This book is a must have for anyone looking to deepen their connection with the magical element of fire, ritual, and spell work through candle magic! Dylan not only teaches you how to use candle magic for things such as protection, abundance, love, healing, and more, but takes you through the fascinating history of the power of fire & how to properly charge, cleanse, and consecrate your candles to begin manifesting your deepest desires!!! Overall, the book is beautifully written with gorgeous illustration and will hook you from the start!!!!!!!

This book is perfect for beginners to candle magick, or beginners to the craft in general. I personally LOVE candle magic because I've always been attracted to fire. I could void out and just stare at a flame for hours on end lol

Crystals for Beginners by Karen Frazier - $8.99 (Paperback) $20.95 (Spiral bound)

Absolutely love this book!! It’s so informative! I am a beginner and this book explains a lot. Everything a beginner would need to know about crystals is in this book. I am so pleased with it. Best purchase of the week! Definitely worth it. The author explains crystals, chakras and energy so enthusiastically and in a way that is easy to understand. At the end of the book, is a “resources” page with all the websites, books and apps that the Author recommends.

Again, very beginner friendly, but this time it's not spells, it's crystals and such. I've personally been wanting this book for AGES

The Crystal Bible Series by Judy Hall - $38.99 (Volume 1-3 shrink-wrapped set, paperback):

This is my first purchase of the three-part series by Judy Hall. Volume 1 covers over 200 crystals! I can already tell you I'll be purchasing volumes 2 and 3 (each of which cover 200+ MORE crystals/stones, not included in volume 1) I love how each crystal description includes photos to further help in identification. I also appreciate that rarity and sources were included. Information about the spiritual and physical impacts of crystals on the body is in there as well! This book is loaded with a lot of great information and is the perfect quick reference. It's also small and fits easily in my hand. I highly recommend it for beginners.

This is a review from just the first book, and it's from a verified hauler/buyer :)) these aren't exactly newbie friendly, and some people say they're a bit harder to understand.

[5uptic]

crewfu: fanfic spotlight!

We work together by Anonymous (5up & DK, unrated, gen | 248 words)

Summary: One likes plants and baking, the other loves to create and design video games. They stay up and create monstrosities together, it's their fun, it's their favourite game. Aka a 5up and Dk roommate au!

No matter how life tangles, I’m still here with you. by hungryandsleepy (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 279 words)

Summary: 5up has been working so hard on his new map, and of course, he needs someone to give him a motivation to go to sleep.

objectively pretty by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 462 words)

Summary: steve is drunk. he's pretty sure 5up is too. that doesn't mean being called pretty is any less momentuous.

you plus me by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 489 words)

Summary: 5up and Steve meet.

he said to me by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 656 words)

Summary: 5up and Steve share a moment.

by the snowmen by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 670 words)

Summary: Steve has a moment when it's all over.

today you got to know me (a little bit too slowly) by runninohhoney (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 675 words)

Summary: Steve lights up a cigarette. 5up doesn't smoke.

what would it take by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 787 words)

Summary: It's Steve's first mission. He hecks up. Or does he?

sorta cute by floweruru (5up/Steve, unrated, m/m | 822 words)

Summary: ‘I wouldn’t do that,’ he said. ‘That’s just disrespectful,’ he said. Yet there was 5up, crushed like a can in Steve’s embrace, feebly kicking at nothing as his feet leave the pavement.

i was gonna kill u, but ur kinda cute?? by Cthulhuer (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: Steve is a mess and 5up is worse.

I hear a Symphony by AwkwardAce (5up/Fundy, unrated, m/m | 1.1k words)

Summary: He exhaled until his lungs ached for air, fingers twitching as he opted to remove the sleek white gloves he wore in a feeble effort to soothe himself. It didn’t work. He wrung his trembling hands together as his eyes raked down the worn leather case taking in the doodles- some etched some drawn- across the faded surface. He snapped the buckles open and his breath hitched, catching in his already tight throat. For a moment the world span, his head throbbed and he wanted nothing more than to run and hide. 5up breathed out slowly, shakily.

staring by lytriis (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.1k words)

Summary: steve asks 5up out. 5up doesn’t know how to respond.

and it's four am, and yet, you're here by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: in which steve shows up at 5up's house, in the middle of the night, completely spontaneously

more than this by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: Steve catches 5up venting.

3:15 by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: Steve tries to guess Five's name. It's much more difficult than he anticipated.

things were different by fourpebbles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.5k words)

Summary: His eyes circled around to his friends, Kimi and Janet engaging in pleasant comversation, sleepy and becoming increasingly more sober. He looked, finally, across him, and caught Dumbdog staring at him. What now bro, what did this guy want. small talk, turns into not small talk, then there's no talk

Once Upon A Dream by SmearedWords (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.5k words)

Summary: 5up looks ethereal, while Steve is struggling to breathe. "You're not real either." Or: Steve has a crush and a nightmare in three parts, 5up is tired, the crew life is hard and Polus sucks.

the ones you love will call you back by homeward_bound (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.8k words)

Summary: stevesuptic: dude, is it weird that i miss vegas   DumbDog: No? I do too.   stevesuptic: okay [steve misses vegas and apollo. they talk about it]

cough it out by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)

Summary: Apollo thinks that Steve must be well and truly gone, at this point, because he giggles, like Apollo’s just told a particularly funny joke. He looks Apollo right in the eye and asks, “Do you trust me?” “Absolutely not.”

ivy by Secular_Czar (5up/Steve, teen rating, gen | 2.1k words)

Summary: It might be a sad day, in general, but Steve isn't about to let it get to him. His friends won't ever let him wallow either.

The Colosseum by WhenTheFogClears (general rating, gen | 2.1k words)

Summary: Five squinted, looking at the colosseum intensely. He thinks Apollo was latched onto the sphinx’s shoulder, fur matted with blood. Janet was slumped against a column, probably out, with Kimi whose bow was snapped in two, her leg twisted at an odd angle. DK was in the corner trying to cast various supporting hexes and charms with a broken arm, whilst Hafu was dragging a heavily bandaged Steve away. or 5up slaughters a cat

Oneshots :) by woofles1990 (5up/Fundy, 5up/Steve, teen rating, multi | 2.5k words, oneshot collection)

Summary: Just a bunch of MCYT/Among Us oneshots, mainly featuring 5up's crew because yes :)

the adventures of 5up and steve staying up late because they're under 30 by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.5k words)

Summary: “The night is young!” Steve yells at the ceiling, throwing his hands up in the air. “Take advantage of it! Commit crimes! Fuck hoes!” Five catches his hands in the air and laughs. “You wish you had hoes.”

unreasonably in love by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.6k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: "It was like pieces of a puzzle, everything coming together. And now, here they are, standing in their apartment, which looks more like a hollow shell than a home, filled solely with scattered boxes and the minuscule amount of furniture that they brought with them to Vegas." Or: what happens after Apollo and Steve move in together.

cant be love by fourpebbles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.5 words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: He had chuckled to himself, he felt so stupid. Who in their fucking minds names a playlist 'sugr?', he thought, internally cringing. A story where a Steve meets an Apollo, and some things happen.

Somewhere in the darkness, us together for a while by tumtummeke (Apollo & Kimi & Steve, teen rating, gen | 3.6k words)

Summary: Apollo worries about Steve. Steve breaks his vape pen. Kimi plays power washer. Self-indulgent angst, with a generous helping of friendship and cuddles.

odyssey by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 23k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: "First you will come to the Sirens who enchant all who come near them. If any one unwarily draws in too close and hears the singing of the Sirens...they warble him to death with the sweetness of their song. Therefore pass these Sirens by and stop your men's ears with wax that none of them may hear." -Homer, The Odyssey

Also: SilverSprinklez10‘s yupwaves collection.

Summary: This is a Harry Potter AU based on the characters/personas of the youtubers/streamers.

FAQ:

Wait what is this: pretty straight to the point! i’ll regularly share crewfu-related fanfictions to this blog :)

How regularly is “regularly”?: great question! LOL. it depends on the flow of fanfics that get uploaded, which i do not have any control over, but i’m looking forward to do this twice a month. after all, it’s only me doing this and i often run on a tight schedule.

What’s the format like?:

[title of fic with link] by [author of the fic with link] ([main pairing(s), if there is one/multiple], [fic rating: eg, general rating], [relationship: eg, m/m] | [word count in k] ([added prompt to specify if it’s complete or not)])

Summary: [summary provided by the author. if it doesn’t have a summary, a “No summary” prompt will be put instead]

(What does WIP mean again?): Work In Progress :)

Why are you doing this?: from the beginning, my blog has hosted conversations about RPF (real people fiction) and crewfu pairings. this has evolved into people sending me updates about certain fics in the crewfu tags every now and then, but i wanna take the next step and just do these things myself. after all, i’m already lurking in the tags often to see the fics that get posted. as someone who is both a writer and a reader, i wanna appreciate fanfic writers and help out other people that want to read fanfic and consume more fandom content!

Will it be AO3 only?: well, ao3 has a very helpful tag system that makes finding fics incredibly easy, as well as allowing people with no accounts to like and comment on fics, so that’s the site i will personally look in for fanworks. but if there are any fics you’ve written or liked in any other platforms, such as wattpad, you can always contact me through my inbox (send an ask or a dm!), and i’ll make sure to include for the next fanfic spotlight :)

Does it mean you won’t reply to fic asks anymore?: yeah, i guess. since i’ll be doing the searching myself it seems counterproductive. but if i ever skip a fic or again, it’s in another platform, or you’ve posted/read the fic a while ago and you want to get more traction on it, hit me up and i’ll take it into consideration!

Will you read every single one of the fics on your list?: oh no. again, i run on a tight schedule, and also i have my own taste when it comes to fics. i won’t be reviewing fics or any of the sort, and my intention extends to simply sharing these fics to this page so people will have easier access to them :) that’s where ao3 tagging becomes SUPER useful!!!

So what’s the criteria for the way you’ll sort out the fics in your list?: word count, going from lowest to highest. in case of fics in other platforms, i guess i’ll put them at the top of the list. i’ll also be looking for fairly recent fics, so let me know if you want any old-ish fic to be included.

I see you talking mostly about 5up/Steve and Steve/Apollo. Can I still send/see other crewfu fics?: why yes absolutely! my goal is to push every fic which heavily features regular crewfu characters - 5uptic and supdog just happen to be very popular pairings. so, to give you a list: core 4 (5up, hafu, dk, steve), apollo, aipha, annie, janet, kimi, ellum, koji... you know the drill. it doesn’t have to be centered on a relationship, or about 5up in specific, etc. my only requirement is that any of the previously mentioned members are a central part of the fic or are HEAVILY featured in it (sorry, minecraft fics with 50+ tags who only mention 5up as an afterthought won’t make the cut :/).

Isn’t shipping Bad™?: well, it’s a little more nuanced than that. i will go out of my way to discourage and shame people who often violate CCs’ boundaries by acting like so and so has a crush on this person, or that this and that are Actually Into Each Other or secretly dating. any sort of tinhat bullshit is a big nono (think larries). but i run on the assumption that people who write rpf understand that what they’re doing is simply write a completely fictional story using real life personalities, and understand the boundaries necessary to do it - aka they’re not tinhats, they understand they can’t assume everything about CCs’ thoughts and personalities, they understand that what they’re writing is strictly fiction, they keep these works only in fandom circles, etc. (but again, it’s only one me doing this, so please be kind if i don’t happen to know that this person is Actually a tinhat or whatever).

show fic: NO. (seriously. i don’t feel comfortable putting my ao3 account out there. please respect my privacy on these trying times <3)

I REALLY don’t care about your rpf/fic talk: fair! i’ll be tagging every single one of these posts as “fanfic spotlight”, so just mute the tag using tumblr settings so you’ll never have to look at these! likewise, you can follow the tag if you want to keep up with it, or search it on my blog to look at the other entries you might have missed (but this is the first one! lol).

Hey, my fic is here and I don’t feel comfortable with it being shared over here: no problem! let me know as soon as you can and i’ll take it down <3

[do-y0u-have-to-let-it-linger]

EXT. The Roof (Winter) - Sunset

Not Just Attracted to Women!Peter Maximoff x Fem and Not Just Attracted to Men!Reader

Based off of a dream I recently had: Peter and Y/N have a conversation on the roof of Xavier's in mid-December. Peter accidentally lets it slip that he might not be straight, and he is afraid that Y/N will think less of him because of it because this is the 80s. Y/N reveals that she is also not straight, and is saddened by the fact that Peter could think that she could ever hate him- especially for that. She calls him wonderful. Feelings ensue. Also, a touch of Cherik at the end because I give the people what they want.

Warnings: Swearing, Peter cries, internalized homophobia (this is the 80s-ish and Peter uses the word 'queer' in a kind of incorrect and kind of offensive manner, but it was internalized homophobia and not actually intended to be mean to anyone but himself so I forgive him), a touch of angst but mostly fluff, Charles called you two "children" even though you are obviously not, Erik is happy that his son has someone that cares about him the way you do, Peter is insecure but not super blunt about it, Peter has been deprived of being adored his entire life, bad writing, I mention a serial killer twice, historical inaccuracy because the word queer was still a slur so yeah.

A/N: This is literally the first thing I have ever written so please be nice to me, I wrote this instead of an essay. I would love a comment of any kind, even if it's just a heart emoji or something, and constructive criticism would be highly appreciated. Also 'N/N' stands for nick-name.

(Ok, so, full discloser: the format is odd. The bullet points represent dialogue, and the only dialogue is between you two love birds. The first bullet point is Peter, the second is Y/N, the third is Peter, and so on.)

“I dunno, the whole ‘liking people’ thing has always been weird for me.”

“How do you mean?"

“Pppffftt- 'how do you mean,' what are you, Shakespeare or somethin’?”

“Yeah, because that’s the era when ‘how do you mean' would have been a popular term. Ok, what do you mean?”

“Just- when other people were liking people I never really was?”

He was gesturing wildly and avoiding eye contact, as always. He wasn't uncomfortable with eye contact, he just got bored easily in conversations, he needed to keep himself occupied. In this situation that meant staring at the red and green lights covering the rest of the roof, the snowy trees all over the yard, and a holly garland around the gate. Peter wasn't Christian, but man, did he love their Christmas decorations.

“Like… now? In school?”

“Well- yeah… but also when I was younger. And I never liked the right people? Or... liked them in the right way?”

“So you’ve never liked anyone.”

“No, no… I definitely have. It was just… weird! I don't-”

His hands dropped to his side in defeat.

“I don’t think it’s that out of the ordinary. I would tell you if it was. Also, if it was... 'weird', like you said, that wouldn’t mean it was necessarily bad.”

He hadn’t really heard what she said, he was too busy pondering what his next sentence would be. When she wasn't speaking, he was rambling.

"I had some of the normal crap… like in movies when they talk about the fluttery stomach junk. I've had that around a few girls I've been friends with, also that phase with the boy stuff, a-"

“Wait, what phase with the boy stuff?”

“Like- when you’re in middle school or whatever and you're gay for a second.”

His phrasing was a joke, but the statement as a whole was not.

“…‘Gay for a second’?”

“…Yeah?”

“Hmmm..."

"Is that- not-"

"I don't think that is... 'normal'... per-say..."

“Oh… Really?”

His heart sunk.

“…Yeah.”

“Huh.”

“…Mhm.”

“…Shit.”

He suddenly looked almost embarrassed. He shifted his posture, seemingly trying to shrink into himself.

“Do you... wanna chat about it?”

Panic started to slowly rise in him.

“Um- forget I said anything.”

“Why?”

Something in him said to go on the "defense". He did not appear as calm as he was intending to.

“I’m not- gay! or anything. I like girls! I do!”

She put her hand on his arm.

“Hey- look at me for a second. We are not in court, and I never 'accused' you of being gay. That would be a very funny reality TV show, but not what is happening right now. Listen, theoretically if you were gay that wouldn’t be bad! And I wouldn’t be… whatever you.. think that I would be? I mean- however you are afraid I would act in a negative reaction to it? I would try to be here for you, and be as supportive as possible.”

He didn’t believe her.

“Ok, sure.”

“Peter.”

“What? You’re going to tell me that you would honestly be friends with a queer person- be friends with me if I was... not... normal?”

She was taken aback by his tone, the word he had used, and the way he said it, felt like a weight dropping on her shoulders.

“Oh. would you… not?”

It was her turn to seem nervous.

“What?”

“Would you- stop being friends with someone for liking someone that they… I don’t know… shouldn’t... would be the word I guess?”

Why, in this situation, was she nervous? Oh. His fear was replaced with guilt.

“No.”

“Ok.”

“So… are you… do you… why were you scared?”

“... Why were you?”

She expected a joke from him, something along the lines of “touché".

“Are you… gay?”

“No.”

Yeah, he didn’t believe her.

“Uh-huh”

“Really, I’m not. I’ve liked boys, but also... I've had feelings for girls. I’m not… straight. So I just want to let you know that it’s okay if you aren’t too.”

“I never s-“

She smiled at him with a bit of pity, she had been there. The self-loathing, the feeling of walking on minefields with so many people in your life.

“You are…”

She paused.

“I am… what?”

“Give me a second I’m trying to find the perfect word.”

“… Okay?”

“Wonderful.”

That was not exactly the word he was expecting. Like, at all.

“Huh?”

“That’s the word. Wait- let me start over. You gotta look me in my eyes as I say it, because it’s gonna be really poetic.”

“Uh… should I be scared?”

“No. Maybe a little. No.”

“… Okay.”

He looked at her.

“You are… wonderful.”

“Oh... Thanks?“

He looked away again, to be honest, he was a bit uncomfortable. He rarely received compliments, especially ones that seem so... genuine.

“I’m not finished, look back at me, just for a second. You are so wonderful- and I will support you as whatever you are! I want you to know that I can- I can barely even think of something you could do that would make me genuinely hate you- like… maybe if you Dahmer-ed people or like chopped up a-“

He found this was amusing, yet disturbing.

“Y/N?”

“Sorry- I just- the fact that you thought, even for a second, that I could hate you… is just-“

“I’m sorry”

“No! Stop it. Don’t be sorry.”

She stared at him expectantly.

“What do you want me to-“

“Take it back! The sorry!”

“How?”

“Say you aren’t sorry”

“N/N-“

“Peter.”

“Ok. I’m, ya know, not sorry.”

“Good. You shouldn’t be”

“You’re weird.”

“Yuh-huh. Says the most likely, from the little information I've gathered, bisexual in denial who also happens to be the fastest boy on earth who had to slow down exponentially to interact with other people who also, also, happens sitting on a roof in the dead of winter with me.”

“What’s by smexual?”

Something about the way he attempted to repeat her words must have been hilarious, he thought, because here she was, sitting in front of him, in a fit of childish giggles. He would smile if he weren't so confused.

“No- that’s not- what I said- it’s… wait!”

“What?”

“You’re tryna get me off topic!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Am not!”

“Are t- shit.”

“HAHA! Victory is a sweet dessert... wait is that even the saying? Still, I win you lose, nerd.”

“Ok, okay! go on.”

She was attempting to gather herself to give off a less jokey aura. It was half working, the "am not! are too!" argument a few moments ago made it hard for him to take her seriously, but he could tell it was important to her that he did, so he tried his best.

“You have to look at me again. just for a second.”

“I sw-”

“Just do it? Please?”

His attempt to put up a fight was thwarted by her small "please". He was pathetic.

“Okay.”

He looked at her.

“You…”

“Me… or- wait- I…”

“Are w-“

“Wonderful, yeah yeah. just get to the n-”

“No.”

“… No?”

“When you say it it doesn’t encapsulate it. It sounds silly.”

“Ok little miss ‘you art thou wonderful’, how would you have me say it?”

“I am you wonderful?”

“What?”

“You called me ‘little miss you are you wonderful’ what does that-“

“Ok! Would you just- shut up and call me wonderful one more time, please?”

She looked at him and blinked. That sentence surely came off as less ironic than intended.

“You are wonderful.”

She grabbed his face, in a half-joking manner. Her grab smushed his cheeks and she couldn't help but laugh a bit when she did it. Even though it was clearly a bit, he was still flustered.

“W-“

She shook him a bit.

"Shut up 'cause I'm about to say some beautiful and true shit. You are wonderful. You are wonderful. You are wonderful. You are absolutely, unchangingly, and irrevocably wonderful and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, Maximoff.”

After saying what she would (in 40 years or so) recall as a painfully John Green-ish statement in her blunt and matter-of-fact manner, she let go of her semi-ironic hold on his pink cheeks. Were his cheeks pink because it was absolutely freezing, or because his heart was beating faster than he had ever (and would ever, mind you) run, you ask? No comment.

“Wow.”

“Wow what.”

“You do say it better than I do.”

“Did you like how I stressed different parts of the sentence each time? I thought that was a nice detail.”

“Wow.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“Wow.”

Did his voice just... break a little?

“Peter?”

“Uh- yeah?”

Was he a little... sniffle-y? She was now very concerned.

“Are you okay?!”

“Oh- um... yeah!”

No! No he was clearly not! He was sniffling!

“Really? 'Cause, you don't seem it.”

“It’s just- I just- wow.”

“Wow, what!?”

“That was just- uh-"

“Just what? It really wasn't that fancy, you seem much too impressed with me. Oh my God, was it terrible?”

“I mean it was really corny but w-“

“I swear to God if you say 'wow' one more time I may have to add ‘use of the word wow too much’ to the list of things that could make me hate you. Right next to the Dahmer stuff. That was a joke. Your use of the word wow is only mildly perturbing. Sorry."

She was panicking "just a bit".

“I’m sorry, I mean I’m not sorry. Sorry. Shit! sorry! I mean I’m not!”

And he was absolutely... full-on crying at this point.

“Peter.”

“Yeah?”

He was looking down at his mittens. Not that this is important, but they were very pretty mittens.

“Look at me, you klepto.”

He didn’t.

“You know- I’ve been hearing a lot of that 'look at me' stuff from you today. I mean- the klepto part is new-“

“Peter.”

“What?!”

He peaked up at her.

“Talk to me. Please, you're kinda scaring me, let me help.”

“I’m not sad!”

“You’re crying!”

“Yeah but not from the sads!”

“… The ‘sads’?”

“You know- when you get sad! It just means being sad! I don't- that’s what Wanda calls it, not me!"

He wiped his nose, tears still running down from his puffy eyes to his reddened cheeks.

“What are you crying from?”

“No one’s ever called me wonderful before.”

“I'm sorry! I did a few minutes ago and you didn’t cry!”

“No! You can't 'sorry' me if I can't 'sorry' you! And- yeah but that doesn’t count!”

“Why?”

“Because it only felt big when you said it the certain way!”

“What way!?”

“You look at me, you grab my cheeks-“

“I'm sorry about that by the way I was j-“

“No! It’s really ok! Do it whenever! I mean don’t do it whene- shut up!”

“I’m not even talking! You're the one talking!”

“You look at me, you grab my cheeks, and you go: you are wonderful.”

“Yeah???”

“No one ever called me that before!”

"Peter, I- well- they- they should! They should! More often! Then the amount that it happens now! I think. In my opinion."

"Or really looked at me like that!”

“Looked at you like what, Peter?”

“Like I was somethin’!”

“Well, you are… ‘somethin'! Whatever that means! And- I think you deserve to be looked at as such!”

“See?”

“What!?”

“You just-“

A strangled sob escaped from his throat. He didn't know how to explain.

“Pete.”

“Ew. I hate that nickname.”

He crossed his arms over his chest like a toddler, trying to completely ignore the fact that he was an emotional wreck.

“Peter.”

“Yeah?”

She opened her arms and gestured for him to come closer. He was hesitant at first- but gave up all the reasons he shouldn't move to be closer to her in exchange for the promise of comfort she was offering him. He crawled over to her and curled up in her arms. The way she held him made him want to cry more. Who does she think she is- holding him like he was worth holding? With her chin sitting on top of his hair? Letting him do that gross cry sob with the spit and the snot into her only winter coat? Rocking him, and shushing him, and petting his stupid, silver hair? She was warm, too! The audacity of this woman.

When Erik brought Charles into his office to grab a chess set, they saw the two in the window. For a moment Charles considered telling Peter and Y/N to get off of the high platform, seeing as the two were the reasons the "no sitting on the roof" rule was enacted in the first place (neither of them were coordinated whatsoever). Charles quickly dropped this notion when he saw the look on Erik's face, Charles could tell it made him so happy to see Peter be held like that, cared for like that. Erik's expression made Charles want to both tell Erik that he is the most precious thing in the world, and make fun of him (look at Mr. Metal, gone completely soft). Possibly he could do both at the same time. But for now, he is just going to pretend he didn't see the two outside of the window, and have Erik grab them their game, go to the living room, and pretend not to have read Erik's mind when he inevitably asks him how he always manages to pick the white chess piece at "random".

[brokutosan]

Title. We Are Your First, Last, & Only Line of Defense Against This World of Scum

Pairing. Seijoh 3rd Years x Platonic!Reader

Summary. In which growing up is hard, but it’s a lot less harder if you’re doing it with the bestest friends you could ever ask for in the world (and Oikawa Toruu). Or; a journey through the friendship of the third years of Seijoh’s volleyball club.

Warnings. Manga spoilers up to chapter 395. Lots of cursings and mentions of anxieties about growing up. Kind of incoherent and mostly ramblings + not much dialogue, but I’ve been enjoying writing these types of things. Full disclosure: this is completely based on that official art of them at a karaoke bar. Title is from Men in Black by Will Smith.

Oikawa Toruu was 6 years old when he was crying about some kid stealing his pudding cup. And Iwaizumi Hajime was 6 years old when he dreamt of becoming a cop once he grew up, so he sought to bring justice for Oikawa’s pudding cup. L/N Y/N, also 6 years old, had declared that she would marry Hajime once she was old enough to, so she thought it was her job as his future bride to be his partner in solving this crime. (Oikawa Toruu could care less, he just wanted his pudding cup back).

Long story short, Iwaizumi Hajime ended up scuffling with said kid after he called him “stupid porcupine head” and Y/N jumped in the fray to save her future groom, while Oikawa jumped in to reclaim his pudding cup. And that was just the start of their long series of getting into trouble together.

When Oikawa Toruu was 14 years old and in his last year of junior high, the ugly green monster had reared its head and caused hostility between him and a certain kouhai. Y/N, always the kind one, had called him out on his bullshit and told him to get his act together. Oikawa fired back and called her out on her “pathetic crush on Iwa-chan,” effectively setting off the cold war between them that lasted all of summer. Iwaizume recalls having to go back and forth between the two because they refused to be in the same room together.

By the time they were 15 years old and entering highschool, the two ended up being in the same class. Oikawa pretended not to know her and hung out with “Makki” from his volleyball team. Y/N tried branching out and making friends with the other girls in her class for once, but she was shunned out for being close to the Oikawa Toruu back in middle school.

Their three months of silent treatment ended on the second week of the new school year, when Oikawa was enraged by the nasty rumors spreading about his childhood friend. Some guy Y/N rejected during the third day of school had spread rumors that she was involved in a reverse harem with Oikawa and Iwaizumi and that he didn’t bother going out with her because she was “too easy.”

Oikawa, 15 years old, threw the first punch. Iwaizumi, also 15 years old, held back his friend until Oikawa shouted out, “This bastard’s running around calling Y/N-chan a whor-” Oikawa didn’t need to finish because by then Iwaizumi had thrown the second punch. Matsukawa Issei and Hanamaki Takahiro, both 15 years old, tried holding back their two new volleyball teammates.

And that’s how Y/N and Oikawa tearfully made up, and the two, “Mattsun” and “Makki”, as Oikawa affectionately named them, joined their little friend group. Y/N ended up joining the volleyball club as a manager per Oikawa’s request (command) and finally everything was back to normal, with everyone forgetting about the “cold war” between Oikawa and Y/N.

It didn’t take long for Hanamaki and Matsukawa to fit into the group because anyone that could tolerate Oikawa deserves a reward (and that reward is the friendship they’ve built over the years, but none of them actually liked to get sappy).

By the time the five friends were 16 year olds in their second year of highschool, Oikawa has made a name for himself as the great setter of the Seijoh volleyball team. The other three were close behind in terms of popularity, but none were quite as open with it as Oikawa was. Y/N, on the other hand, did not get to enjoy the joys of the glory brought by the four players. She made heads turn, but the sight of four glowering boys right behind her made them turn back.

But there were a few exceptions.

Y/N was 16 years old and in second year of highschool when she got her first boyfriend. It wasn’t Oikawa, or Iwaizumi, or Hanamaki, or Matsukawa, no, it was a fellow second year in the same class as her (she was lucky enough not to be put in the same class as any of her idiot friends that year).

All five of them have forgotten his name now, but when they do talk about him every now and then, he was given the affectionate nickname, “Pighead.” Because two months into their relationship, Pighead had the nerve to demand Y/N to completely cut off her four friends.

Because she was young and naive and under the illusion of puppy love, Y/N was thrown into a dilemma. She mulled over it for weeks, lost sleep over whether or not she should comply, until Iwaizumi snapped her out of it and made her spill what was bothering her.

Once the four boys found out they offered to wipe Pighead off the face of Earth, but Y/N just cried and apologized for even just thinking about cutting off her amazing friends. They had a sleepover that night and Y/N still remembers it as one of her best childhood memories.

(Because of that one incident Y/N had decided to completely cut off immature boys from her highschool days).

Come their third year of highschool the five were as close as ever (and Oikawa, regrettably, much more annoying). They’ve built up seemingly unbreakable bonds that would last a lifetime, and Y/N was glad that she was able to take part in it. Having the four boys throughout her teenage years certainly was enjoyable, and she wouldn’t trade the memories and years of friendship they’ve attained for anything in the world. As long as she had the four of them (even Oikawa), she believed she could face off anything and anyone in the world.

When Y/N began worrying about college and growing up, they were there to help cheer her up. When the boys lost to Karasuno in the Prefectural Qualifiers, Y/N was there to cheer them up. She still remembers the tearful afternoon spent in the gym they’d spent three years of their lives in. And despite not being as hurt as the boys were after losing, Y/N had found herself shedding a few tears of her own. As they closed the gym doors one final time, they’ve also closed the doors to their childhood.

Teenage years go by, and as quick as they’ve entered highschool they found themselves graduating. Growing up. Taking the next step into adulthood. The four boys she came to love as her found family were now four men, and they’ve done well growing up.

And just like that tearful goodbye at the Seijoh volleyball club gym, Y/N finds herself preparing for another one. All five of them are adults now. Iwaizumi is going off to California to study in an American university, Oikawa’s going to Argentina to play volleyball, and Hanamaki and Matsukawa are moving to Tokyo together to study in a university. For once in her life, Y/N finds that she’ll be all alone in Miyagi, while her friends take the next few steps to growing up.

The five of them find themselves in Hanamaki’s childhood bedroom, for one last weekend sleepover before everything changes. They’ve strewn out blankets and pillow on the floor, and are laying down in a circular formation. They’ve been in this bedroom hundreds of times, in this same exact position, but now it’s completely different.

All his posters of celebrities are taken down and wrapped neatly on a pile sitting on his desk. His clutter of figurines and plushies collected over the years are in boxes, ready to move with their owner. His closet is empty, the clothes inside stuffed into their own labeled boxes. And his volleyball jersey that’s usually hung by the door is no longer there, no doubt already packed somewhere safe. Y/N tries not to dwell on the somberness of it all, and instead forces a laugh when Matsukawa makes a joke.

Y/N realizes she messed up when four pairs of eyes turn to look at her. “I know I’m a riot, but that joke wasn’t even that funny. I’ll admit to that.” Matsukawa speaks up.

“What’s on your mind?” Iwaizumi finally asks. His arms are behind his head and he’s staring up at the ceiling, no doubt lost in his own train of thoughts.

Y/N contemplates if she should ruin the peaceful vibes surrounding their group. They’ve already cried tons after losing to Karasuno, so do they even have any tears left for a goodbye? Y/N looks to her left and realizes all their attention focused on her, waiting for her to answer Iwaizumi’s question.

“Nothing. Just that maybe this’ll be our last weekend together.” She sighs, letting her emotions get the best of her. “We’re all going our own separate ways, who knows what could happen, y’know?”

It’s Oikawa that reacts first, but that’s no surprise since he’s Oikawa. “Y/N-chan! Are you trying to say you’re gonna miss me?” He asks with comical tears in his eyes. Y/N immediately regrets speaking up.

“I think I might miss you the least.” Oikawa feigns hurt at the comment, but he knows his friend better than anybody. ‘I’ll miss you more than you could even imagine.’ Is what she’s trying to say.

“Oi. No more crying.” Hanamaki finally says something. He can see the tears forming at Oikawa’s eyes, and a few that already shed from Y/N’s, before he feels the familiar burning sensation in his throat. “Damn it.”

“Nothing’s gonna change. We’ll all keep in touch, plain and simple.” Matsukawa announces, almost as if he was sure of it. “And if anyone,” Iwaizumi adds, looking directly at Oikawa, “decides to be a dick and try to cut us off, we’ll all personally fly out to South America to kick his ass.” A chorus of ‘yes’ sounded out as Oikawa gasps at his friends’ reactions.

“Why does it always get violent with you, Iwa-chan?!” He whines like a child, causing an outburst of laughter from the other four.

Hanamaki notices Y/N staring off into space again before he sighs, placing an affectationate hand on her head. “Relax, loser. It’s not like we’re gonna totally forget Miyagi. If anything me and Issei are gonna come back home more than you think. You’ll get tired of us eventually.”

Y/N wipes a few stray tears and nods, finally showing a genuine smile. “I’ll kill all of you if you even try to forget about Miyagi.”

“Impossible.” Iwaizumi says with a gentle smile on his lips.

-

The next morning the five friends make their way to Narita Airport, where Oikawa’s flying off to Argentina to become a better player. Their eyes are bloodshot red from staying up all night crying and reminiscing old memories together.

The walk from the parking lot to the boarding gate is quiet, until Oikawa breaks the awkward air between them. “When I get back, I’ll wipe the court with Tobio-chan.”

“You’re still not over that? Grow up.” Y/N glares, suddenly remembering their childish fight during their last year of junior high. Hanamaki laughs first, followed by Matsukawa, and finally Iwaizumi. The people around them stare strangely as five teens laugh with tears streaming down their eyes.

“Try not to miss me too much, ‘k, Y/N-chan?” Oikawa winks, just barely dodging the fist swung at him. A boarding call for Oikawa’s flight fills the airport, and they finally remember why they’re there in the first place.

“I’ll miss you guys.” He finally says seriously, tears freely falling down his face. Y/N cracks first, flinging herself to his awaiting arms and cries as she realizes this is his goodbye. Hanamaki, Matsukawa, and Iwaizumi follow, forming a group hug in the middle of Narita Airport.

Oikawa pulls away, dragging a sleeve to wipe away his tears. He opens his mouth to say one final goodbye, but is interrupted by a plethora of voices overlapping each other,

“Try not to make your teammates hate you too much. Make some friends.”

“Don’t even think about calling me at midnight about your stupid problems.”

“If you come crying to me about your knee, I’m just gonna say I told you so.”

“Once you get back, I’ll be sure to give you hell.”

“Oi, what kind of curse are you all placing on me?!” Oikawa whines, the somber atmosphere replaced by their usual energetic one.

With one last ‘goodbye,’ Oikawa strides towards the airport gates, and away from the ones he’s grown to love over the years. He looks over his shoulders, taking a mental picture of all four of his closest friends waving and giving him nods of encouragement so that he’d never forget what he’ll always have back home.

The world can throw anything it wants at them, but as long as they had each other, nothing’s ever too scary or too tough.

A/N. Thank you for reading this totally self-indulgent fic with my fav third years! A Miya twins version of this fic is in the works! Also, I’m thinking of making a mini series off of this oneshot where you chose a route with one of the boys (romantically). Let me know if you guys would also be interested in that. - chuu

[world-of-horrors-au]

Horrors AU - Overconfidence

AKA Liu VS Laughing Jack

Government Agent Liu makes a pretty big mistake on a mission... [Set before the formation of his current day team.]

Warnings: torture, injuries, mention of animal death, fire

The agent, a stranger, flashed Liu a look between suspicious and concerned.

"You shouldn't go in there alone," she said as she adjusted her gloves. "The Jack is in there."

Liu looked back at her, frowning, and for a moment, said nothing. Another agent looked at him, judged him, as he loaded his pistol.

They were clearing out an old theater. So far, it'd been empty. A few doll parts in the bathrooms, bloodstains on stage, a half rotted, unidentifiable animal in the back rooms. Now all they had left was the prop room. If there was a Horror still in this building, it - he - was in there.

"I'll be fine," Liu said. "I've dealt with him before. I'm not afraid of him."

"Of course not," the agent said, and her eyes looked away to the man across from her. He didn't meet her eyes, preparing his rifle for the fight ahead. The fight he wouldn't have to do, with Liu here.

He considered the group. Seven humans, men and women ranging from their late thirties to early forties. All in armor, all with guns and wary eyes. Out of this group, he was the youngest, the thinnest, dressed in civilian clothes with no obvious weapon. But he was the most dangerous person in this group, and everyone in it knew that.

"I'll go in ahead." Liu had no true authority to make this call, but it wouldn't be questioned. No one ever did. "I've dealt with Eyeless Jack before. If he is in here, the fewer people that fight him, the better."

"He's fast," one of the agents said. 

"He is," Liu agreed. "But he can't outrun bullets, and this space is too small to fly in. If he is here, we stand a good chance to catch him."

If. That was always the thing. Always the chance they'd come too late. The remaining Horrors were the smartest of the species, and they knew better than to mindlessly challenge government agents. Eyeless Jack could've left long before today, leaving whatever gruesome message he wanted behind. But Liu's gut said Liu wasn't the only Horror in the building, and his gut was rarely wrong.

The stairs creaked under his boots as Liu entered the basement, where all the props were stored. Once upon a time, this theater had been the biggest, most popular in the region. Now only dust performed, dancing through the air in the light strapped to his chest. Standing at the bottom of the steps, Liu breathed and scanned the room. Everything was still. Everything was quiet.

"I'm here, Jack," he mumbled under his breath. "Guess we're playing hide and seek now."

A smile curved over his scarred face. He'd always been good at hide and seek.

With his hands in the pockets of his jacket, Liu walked through the room. Once there'd been a system organizing the many items, he could see it through the current chaos. He could see where the racks of clothes once stood, even though they were long gone, the clothes torn and scattered underfoot. The plastic boxes were thrown around, spilling out old theater makeup and yellowed paper. He kicked a wad of trash out of his way, navigating through the fake corridors that made up the massive room. It was so, so quiet. He couldn't even hear any mice.

"The animals are afraid of us. We're the most dangerous things in the entire town, you and I," Liu mumbled. "If you're here at all."

He stopped, listened for breathing. All he heard was his own. No scraping, no scratches, no racing hearts, no claws on concrete. He waited, waited. Waited longer than Eyeless Jack could've handled.

Liu huffed and reached for his communicator.

"Place is empty," he said. "Pack up, I'm heading back up to help."

"Roger that," the squad leader said, but Liu ignored him, turning his focus back to getting to the stairs. He couldn't even see it from where he stood, too many boxes piled up. Liu shook his head, grimacing as he walked through the mess. What a waste of his time-

He heard the whip of air before it landed. The cord wrapped around his throat. His hands snapped up to the cord but it was too late. It yanked him back, off his feet. Liu hit the wall, heard something crack, and pain shot up his spine. Blood oozed from the back of his head. His vision blurred.

"What do you think of that?" A man said. "I learned that from the Puppeteer."

Liu focused, there was someone in front of him. Black and white like cheap newspaper, teeth sharp enough to cut through metal. Liu's blood chilled. Their information was wrong. This was the wrong Jack-

Laughing Jack, not Eyeless Jack, stared down, and even through the blur, Liu felt the hate in it.

"I bet you don't even remember him," the Horror said. "We all just blend together after a while, don't we, Agent Woods?"

The cord tightened. Liu gasped a breath through the pain. His fingers clawed at the cord, nails scraping rope and flesh. 

"But I remember you. I don't think I'd ever, ever forget you." Laughing Jack jerked the cord, knocking Liu onto his front, into the dirt coated concrete. "You traitor."

He couldn't feel his fingers but he knew his arm was moving towards his pistol. Laughing Jack's creations were a material he couldn't snap with his own strength, he had to use his guns.

"Not… traitor," he choked out. "I was never on your-"

"Shut up!" Laughing Jack shouted. As his hand grazed the cold surface of the gun, something wrapped around his wrist and yanked it back, hard. Liu gritted his teeth, pain surging through, and glared up at the other Horror.

“I learned so much from him, the Puppeteer,” Laughing Jack said, pain in his voice. “How to master my strings, how to manipulate them to control and subdue. So much knowledge and cleverness, torn into pieces by your masters.” The clown narrowed his eyes. “Are you happy with what you’ve done? You’ve killed us all!”

Liu opened his mouth to speak, but the rope tightened, and he gagged on his words. Another cord wrapped around his free arm, yanking backwards. Any harder, and his arm would end up dislocated. A chill shot up Liu’s back. That was probably what Laughing Jack wanted.

“Everyone is gone,” Laughing Jack said, and maybe it was his eyes not focusing, but Liu could’ve sworn he saw tears in the other’s eyes. “My name brother, Jane, the Puppeteer, Nina, Doctor Locklear and Ann, sweet little Toby…” He clenched his fist. “Even Jeff - even he’s gone! And it’s all your fault!”

Liu's heart stopped. Jeff was dead? No, that was impossible. Jeff hadn’t been captured, no reports said he’d been found dead or was shot in the head. Jeff couldn’t be dead - he was the one supposed to kill Jeff. Justice for his family, for his childhood self. That was the deal he’d made with the humans. Only he was allowed to kill Jeff, even with his brother’s sick reputation.

“No,” Liu gasped out. “Not Jeff. Jeff is-” “Shut up!” Laughing Jack shouted, his voice sending dust falling from the ceiling. “I’ve dealt with your bloody bullshit for too many years!” The clown panted, reaching up to touch his chest, his heart, if he had one at all. “Everything is your fault… my family, my people…”

Monochrome eyes burned with hatred.

"You want revenge?" Laughing Jack said. "Well, let me give you mine!"

It crystalized in his mind, an image so clear, the reality of what was about to happen undeniable.

Liu whispered, "No-"

The ropes pulled him up. Liu kicked, his body leaving the dirty floor. He couldn't move his head but he tried to scream, scream out to the humans above his head. No sound came out. The rope tightened around his neck, and the world spun.

"Hurts, doesn't it?" Laughing Jack said over the blood pounding in his ears. "You haven't even gotten half of what you deserve yet."

Someone help me, Liu thought.

Against the skin of his ankles he felt the ropes tighten. They yanked, tensing, pulling harder and harder until Liu could no longer even twitch his legs. Liu's mouth didn't close, he couldn't close it, he couldn't even feel the muscles of his face anymore. It hurt. It hurt.

Laughing Jack began to chuckle.

The ropes yanked. One hard, sharp tug on all four limbs. Liu screamed despite his own silence, and his throat burned like his vocal cords tore. His vision swum, every part of his body shaking with the pain.

The ropes yanked. Something in his right arm surrendered. This time he did let out a noise, a strangled, bloody gasp. Something hot poured from the sides of his mouth and dripped down his cheeks and neck. He'd bitten his tongue so hard, it was almost in two pieces.

Laughing Jack began to laugh.

"Hurts doesn't it?" He said, like Liu could answer him. "Can you imagine what they went through? What Jane went through? What it was like to be pulled apart by machines in front of all those screaming, happy humans?"

Somewhere in his laughter, the clown Horror sobbed.

"It won't bring any of them back," Laughing Jack said. "It probably won't even make me feel better. But at least there will be one less piece of shit left lying around on this godforsaken planet."

Laughing Jack laughed louder, louder. This wasn't the last thing Liu wanted to hear before he died. 

"So come on, Liu," Laughing Jack said. "Give me a good show. Give me a show like they all gave."

The ropes pulled. Not tugged, not yanked. Pulled, so slow. Pulled, so deliberate. Pulled even as the pain shot through Liu's limbs, from his joints down to his arms and legs, wrists and ankles. They pulled. They pulled.

Laughing Jack laughed. 

He'd never felt a pain like this before.

Laughing Jack's voice echoed through the basement.

It hurt so bad.

He could hear the cheers of the crowds echoing through the other Horror's voice.

It hurt.

It hurt.

It hurt.

It hurt-

"Fire!"

Gunshots. The ropes sagged. Liu breathed.

"Where the hell did you come from?!" Laughing Jack shouted. 

Liu's head spun. He dangled in the air from his limbs, and every breath was a victory. The training screamed at him but he could not protect the humans this time. He might not even survive long enough to try.

"Idiots!" Laughing Jack snapped. "Get the hell over-"

"Incendiaries!"

Gunshots, smoke, bright light. Laughing Jack screamed.

Through the tears running from his eyes Liu could see it. Laughing Jack was on fire, burning, his cloth body burning in the rotten darkness. He screamed, the pain must’ve been unbearable. The Horror fled.

"Stop him!"

It was too late. Laughing Jack ran not for the stairs, but the box that no one would've ever paid attention to in all the mess. He jumped inside. The box lid slammed shut. Bullets blasted into it, but the box didn't break. It shook once, twice, and vanished in a puff of black smoke.

The cords unraveled around his body. Liu hit the ground, unconscious immediately. It would be another two days before he woke up again. 

[justanotherlifeff]

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm. DETAILED SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER

No one's POV

(Y/N) knocked on Erwin's door. The ring was already on her finger. Levi opened the door with an annoyed face. His expression brightened slightly after seeing it's (Y/N) as he held the door for her. "(Y/N), please sit" Erwin told (Y/N) pointing at the chair in front of his table. "Now that both of you are here, what's the news that you wanted to give me, Levi?" Erwin asked Levi as (Y/N) sat down. "(Y/N) and I are engaged now. I thought you'd want to know." Levi told Erwin in a bland tone.

"I wonder why I'm not surprised." Erwin sighed as he replied to Levi's statement with sarcasm. “Levi, as her only guardian, I can't allow you to marry (Y/N) unless you get a stable home. We all know that raising a child in the regiment headquarters isn't possible." Erwin added. "Yes, I thought about it too. I'll make arrangements for a house and try to get on with this shit as quickly as possible. After all, this peace won't last forever." Levi answered to Erwin.

"Anyway, I called both of you here for a different reason..." Erwin started but was interrupted by (Y/N). "You called me for something?" she asked with a confused tone. Levi only told her to go to Erwin's office to break the news about their extremely bland engagement. (Y/N) wasn't concerned about the fact that Levi's proposal wasn't very glamorous because she never cared about grand romantic gestures and all that. She was just immensely happy because Levi took the effort to buy such a nice ring for her, that after abandoning his duties. Levi wouldn't do all that if he didn't love her. Erwin looked at Levi and raised his one of his massive eyebrows.

"I forgot to mention that to her" Levi said casually. He definitely wasn't gonna let them know that he was so nervous while telling her to get the ring that he forgot to mention (Y/N) that Erwin called her. "I see. Well, now that you're here, there's a mission I'd like to discuss with you. If you're uncomfortable with it, you can always refuse." Erwin told (Y/N) with a slightly concerned voice. "What's the mission?" (Y/N) asked monotonously.

"Well, you see, we weren't able to capture all the lords who worked for the Reiss family and enthroned the fake king. There are exactly three lords who are not captured yet and we got a lead that they have properties in the underground city. Almost all rich lords have properties there in case the wall breaks or for any emergency situation. The documents on those properties are as shady as it can be and can't give us any right information. I was planning to send Levi and Hanji to pinpoint their location by an undercover mission but Hanji, having a curious mind like herself, can attract attention. Levi alone can't do it because in his time, he was quiet popular in the underground. They will recognise him if he tries to spy on people. You, (Y/N), are the most capable person after him but given that you're expecting and your past, I didn't want to involve you into this. But, right now, we don't have much of a choice. If you're uncomfortable with it, we will have to send Mikasa with Levi but she's not as matured as you are and may make bad decisions which could turn out to be risky for us." Erwin explained.

A rush of bad memories went through her mind but at the end, (Y/N) decided that she had to face her past. "I'll go." she answered calmly. Erwin scanned her face before saying, "I see, well, the mission is simple. You two won't engage in fights with anyone. You will only pinpoint their locations and report back. The rest will be taken care of by Levi squad and Hanji squad. You will have to go to the upper class whore houses because knowing how Lords usually are, you probably will find them there. There's this tavern out there where all the upper class people goes to drink. It's called the Devil's Punchbowl.." Erwin was interrupted as Levi snorted.

"I know that place. The owner had a shit load of ego" he muttered. (Y/N) decided that she wanted to hear the story behind that. "As I was saying, (Y/N), you will get inside and get information. You're not too popular yet, at least not in the underground. That's more or less the plan now." Erwin explained. "I see. Understood." (Y/N) replied. Just then, Hanji entered the room with 39 other squad leaders of the survey corps. (Y/N) and Levi looked at Erwin with a confused expression. "Commander, I fetched everyone here." Hanji said before saluting. Erwin stood up and came in front of them. (Y/N) did the same and stood beside Levi.

Erwin then, explained the whole situation, "I was planning to choose the next commander before our next expedition to reseal wall Maria. I am confused about who to choose because I have two candidates on my list. It's either Hanji because of her quick thinking and innovative ideas or (Y/N) because of her quick thinking and ability to see patterns in the enemy and counterattack perfectly. I thought if all the squad leaders here except Hanji help me out with a voting. It's pretty simple, when I call out one of their names, you will raise your hand to vote for her." Erwin explained. (Y/N) was shocked at the whole thing but Hanji, however was not because Erwin mentioned that she was a candidate for the next commander long ago.

"Anyone voting for Hanji, raise your hand." Erwin commanded and 20 people raised their hands. "I see.. I guess it's a tie. This makes things rather difficult." Erwin sighed. "Commander? May I have a word?" (Y/N) told Erwin with a confident voice. "Yes?" Erwin asked. "I don't think I'm fit for this role." she stated. "Why is that, (Y/N)?" Erwin asked, curious about why she was throwing out the huge career opportunity.

"Commander, I am not suitable for this role because, firstly, I'm not the type of person with good leadership skills. My trainee corps records clearly states that I'm not good at teamwork. I will never be able to achieve the trust of a whole military division just by my strength. Yes, I might be able to make quick decisions but I can't ever make actual battle plans. Commander, you yourself invented a whole battle formation. I could never do something like that. Hanji however, made that explosive added with 3DMG within a few hours. I believe that Hanji would be a better choice." (Y/N) explained.

"But... But you outsmarted Commander Erwin that time... No one has ever been able to do that..." Hanji tried to interject but Levi stopped her. "Hanji, that's because you never tried to outsmart the commander." he said to her. Then he turned at Erwin and said, "Commander, I'd like to change my vote to Hanji. I just realized that Hanji will do a better job than (Y/N)." "Well, it's decided then. Hanji will be next in the chain of command." Erwin declared. Then he turned to (Y/N) and said, "As for (Y/N), you still deserve a promotion. I think, as you're almost as strong as Levi, a second special operations squad could be formed with you as a squad leader. I will complete the paperwork for that.".

"Thank you, Commander." (Y/N) replied professionally but a smile crept on her face. This really was an amazing day for her. Erwin then turned at everyone else and said that they were dismissed and everyone walked out of Erwin's office. While going out, Levi told (Y/N), "Congratulations on your promotion." with a smug look. "Thank you. How do you think we should celebrate it?" (Y/N) answered with an equally smug expression. "Well, I have some things in mind. We need to go to our room though. Shall we?" Levi mumbled near her ear, making her the skin tingle due to his warm breath on her neck. "After you" (Y/N) answered with a smirk.

When they reached Levi's room, Levi pinned (Y/N) to a wall and kissed her passionately. He helped her get rid of the survey corps coat that she had on and also the uniform underneath. "Go to bed, (Y/N). I'll be back shortly" He commanded her before picking up the clothes and retiring to the closet. (Y/N) knew that he will fold those up now. After all, he was the neatest person she met. She remembered a day from back when she just joined the special operations squad. She had been given stable duty that day.

"How do you never complain when heichou gives you stable duties? Everyone hates mucking the stables and he is downright unfair to you because you win sparring challenges with him sometimes." Eren ranted. He was walking with (Y/N) to the stable. "Well, he wasn't wrong. I did dirty his uniform this time. I could've been more careful with the tea if I wasn't reading a book while working. I don't think anyone would tolerate their subordinate throwing tea at them." (Y/N) muttered as a reply.

"Well, you're not wrong... But you did apologise. If he made you clean his uniform, that would be more fair. Mucking the stable seems like a bit too much." Eren told (Y/N) with a sympathetic look. (Y/N) shrugged it off and said, "Well, he's the captain. He's the one who makes the decision of what punishment we should get. I'd rather trust his judgement instead of calling it unfair.". "No wonder he doesn't hate you as much as he hates us..." Eren muttered before leaving (Y/N) alone.

Levi came to check how well the mucking was going to find (Y/N) scrubbing the last stall. It had only been three hours and Levi didn't expect (Y/N) to be done with the third stall. He checked the other stalls and found them practically spotless. The horses were tied on a tree nearby. "I didn't expect her to figure that out so soon... Eren took 3 times of re cleaning to figure that out..." Levi thought. The cleaning was above average. Almost as good as him. "You're pretty good at this. You'll be cleaning my room from now on." he commanded. Since then, (Y/N)'s cleaning duties were to clean Levi's room. They would chat while she was cleaning about books they both read. They had many friendly conversations, ones that lead to them having feelings for each other. Ones that lead to (Y/N) trusting Levi with her past.

It seemed stupid to (Y/N), how they denied their feelings for so long when they were there all that time. Levi came back, naked, while (Y/N) was lost in thoughts. "What are you thinking?" Levi asked her before pinning her down on the bed and kissing her neck. "I was thinking about that day. The day when you asked me to start cleaning your room?" (Y/N) sighed.

"Mhhm? That was a good decision. Those brats can't clean as good as you." Levi mumbled before going back to kissing her neck. His hands moved towards her vagina as his kisses got rougher, leaving marks on her neck. She was panting slightly as his fingers made his way into her vagina, stretching it, filling it. When he felt like she was wet enough, without any warning, he positioned himself and plunged into her making her yelp in pleasure. He moved in a rough pace, making her come closer to euphoria.

Meanwhile, Erwin sent Hanji to collect (Y/N)'s trainee corps report card and her so called birth certificate. Hanji, as she had nothing to do due to the lack of a lab in this survey corps branch, decided to get done with her work as fast as possible. She knew that (Y/N) was staying with Levi and decided to go to Levi's office, which was attached to Levi's room. To Levi's distaste, she never knocked before entering Levi's office and this time was no exception. Only, this time, she actually regretted doing it.

After entering Levi's office, she clearly heard the sound of sex and (Y/N)'s moaning from the other side of the door to Levi's room. She thought it would be funny to interrupt them and thus she called out, "Oi Levi! I need (Y/N) here for a second. Erwin sent me to get some documents from her." The noise stopped and after a minute or so, a fully dressed Levi came out of the room with an annoyed expression. "Don't you understand the concept of knocking, Hanji?" he told Hanji with his voice filled with contempt.

"Hey, not in mood for one of your boring lectures. I asked for (Y/N) anyway. Not you." Hanji said casually with a smile. "She probably will kill you when she's here." Levi replied in a deadpan voice. Just after Levi finished his sentence, (Y/N) came out of the room with a murderous glint in her eyes. "You have amazing timing, Hanji." she sneered at Hanji. Hanji deserved it though because she arrived just moments before (Y/N) reached an orgasm.

"Come on (Y/N)! I'd not..ahem..interrupt if I didn't have a good reason!" Hanji tried to reason with her. Hanji understood the fact that (Y/N) did not approve of her little joke at all and she didn't want to make (Y/N) hate her. After all, she considered (Y/N) as a good friend and the fact that (Y/N) set up her and Moblit together proved it. "I'm not carrying shopping bags for you again if you don't have a good enough excuse. What documents do you want?" (Y/N) asked in an annoyed voice. She wasn't as angry as before.

"Erwin asked for your trainee corps report card and your birth certificate. They are required for the paperwork for your promotion." Hanji explained herself. (Y/N) didn't reply to that and retired to Levi's room to dig those documents out from her bag. She didn't get a chance to unpack yet. When she found those, she handed them to Hanji and asked, "Well, is that all?" in a tone that clearly made Hanji realise that she wasn't wanted in the room anymore. Hanji understood why and decided to give them the privacy. "Yep. That's all" she answered cheerfully before leaving the office.

(Y/N) POV

Levi was pounding into me and just as I started loosing all sense of my surroundings and reach orgasm, Levi stopped. "Don't stop! please!" I gasped but he pulled out and grunted with a sarcastic tone, "Shitty glasses is here. That woman didn't knock again and that must be the most amazing timing I can think of". " I'll kill her" I muttered before getting up on the bed. After Hanji was gone, I looked back at Levi and said, "Well? Let's continue where we left off?". Levi looked at me and said, " You know what (Y/N), I'll give you two options. We can either continue where we left off or try something new. You choose." with a smirk.

I decided that something new would be better since I was far from an orgasm right now. "Let's try something new." I answered. "Good choice. Now, go wash your asshole." he commanded. I was confused by his command but I stripped and went to the bathroom and did what he said anyway. When I was back, our clothes were already folded and Levi was putting them back in the closet. He made me suck his dick to get it hard again and then he made me turn around and bend. After that, he fucked me and made me cum. Did he forget about trying something new? Just when that thought crossed my mind, I found him using his fingers to scoop up my cum from outside my vagina and smothering them on my asshole. Then I felt his finger poke at it.

Suddenly, I understood what this was about. I read about it in books. He was going to try anal. I blushed furiously at the thought. I felt one of his fingers getting inserted in me slowly and a satisfied sigh escaped my mouth. He moved the finger to and fro slowly making me feel the weirdest sensations ever. More fingers were inserted, the sensation increased gradually by time until I felt his dick poking on that hole.

"Levi, it wont fit..." I tried to tell him but he suddenly plunged it all in, making me yelp in pain and pleasure. He didn't move for a while giving me some time to adjust to his size. "Tell me when you're ready" he muttered as he pulled my hair to get my face close to his. After a while, when the pain subsided, I told him, "You can move now..". He didn’t waste a second and started out moving slowly, increasing his speed rapidly. The amazing sensation was numbing my legs and blurring my mind. Suddenly, I felt something warm flowing inside me.

"Do me a favour and clench your ass." Levi muttered to me before pulling out. I did what he said and after pulling out, he picked me up and went to the bathroom because he figured out that my legs were jelly at this point. After getting me to the toilet seat, he commanded me to wash myself before leaving the bathroom.

No one's POV

It was time for lunch and (Y/N) was already dressed. Levi, however took time because the smallest crinkle on his clothes were unacceptable to him. (Y/N) often wondered how he managed to notice such small details on his clothes. Even during combat, he always tried to stay as clean and tidy as possible. "Levi, when are you buying that house that you talked about to Uncle Erwin?" (Y/N) asked as Levi was ironing his shirt with a metal pot filled with warm water.

"I'm planning to buy it before going to the next expedition. We will have to order the furniture too. Those will take a few months to be ready..." Levi muttered as he tried to get rid of that one crease which didn't seem to be going no matter how hard he tried. "Well, do you have any plans about where we should get the house?" (Y/N) asked. Levi paused at that. He didn't make any plans as he never thought he'd be in a situation like this. "Well, we could think about it later" he replied before wearing his shirt. As they were walking towards the canteen, he told (Y/N), "You're not seating with my squad today. You're a squad leader now so sit at the squad leader's table." (Y/N) nodded at him as they went together towards the squad leader table.

"Hey, maybe I should let the squad know about my promotion. After all, we will still be working together and they deserve to know why I'm not sitting with them.." (Y/N) started to say before getting interrupted by Levi who simply said, "Go ahead" before walking towards the leader's table. (Y/N) went to Levi squad's table and before she was able to say anything, the team started congratulating her on her promotion. "News does travel fast" (Y/N) thought. "I'll be sitting at the leader's table from now on but I'll see you guys during training. Our squads will be working together you see" (Y/N) started but was interrupted by Sasha.

"(Y/N), don't worry about us. We are your friends. We will find a way to spend time with you. You better become a better squad leader than Levi Heichou" she said but before (Y/N) could reply, Connie said, "Pretty sure that squad leader (Y/N) is scarier than Levi heichou sometimes." "Oi, call me (Y/N). You're not in my squad and we graduated together. By the way, how am I scarier than Levi?" (Y/N) asked, completely confused. "Well, you see, you're scary enough yourself but if anyone tries to hit on you or mess with you, that's basically picking on a personal fight with Levi Heichou. I'm surprised that horse face is still alive" Eren elaborated with a protesting Jean muttering "Shut up you suicidal bastard!".

After having a small talk with Levi squad, (Y/N) went to the Leader's table with her lunch. Hanji was already there and Levi was absent. "Where's Levi?" (Y/N) asked Hanji as she sat down beside her. "Oh, well, Queen Historia came to visit Erwin on some business. She called for Levi. He will be here soon." Hanji explained. The squad leader's table in this scout regiment branch was a long table that went horizontally to both ends of the canteen. It was placed at the end of the canteen, conveniently near the buffet table. Squad leaders were still coming in.

As (Y/N) started eating, two male squad leaders that she didn't know sat in front of her and Hanji on the other side of the table and one of them said, "Well, it seems like we have a new face around here. Weren't you a cadet only like a few months back?" "Yes. I got promoted today." (Y/N) answered politely. "Yes, we know that. We were there when it happened. You're sleeping with Levi aren't you? I don't understand why Commander Erwin gives a shitty thug so much importance. I heard you're even carrying Levi's bastard. Is that how you got the promotion? Just asking cause you don't look like you can take down a fly. Strongest woman my ass" the other man said with a smirk.

"For your information Steve, (Y/N)..." Hanji started with an angry expression but was interrupted by (Y/N) as she said, "Oi Hanji, don't you think the stew tastes amazing today?". Hanji was surprised by (Y/N)'s extremely calm reaction and she figured that (Y/N) had a plan and thus, didn't talk much on that matter. The guy named Steve, however, did not understand and continued, "Oi Tom, she isn't even denying it. Heard she calls the commander 'uncle'. The commander isn't her uncle for sure. Heard she's from the underground and was taken in by the (L/N). Pretty sure she has an affair with the commander too. What do you recon she'll do to the bastard?" he asked his companion who was named Tom.

"I dunno, probably sell it to some lord or something like any whore would." Tom chuckled but stopped immediately to find (Y/N) looking at him with a calm but piercing look. (Y/N) gave him a small smile and said, "You see, Steve and Tom, you are wrong in three places. You're right. I am a whore. Judging from how nosy you people are, I'm pretty sure you two know that I was found in a whore house in the underground. Here's where you're wrong. Firstly, you clearly didn't do much research on anything from after I got out from the underground. If you did, you'd not question my promotion. Heck, you'd not try to mess with me. Well, as you two didn't do your research properly, let's start with a fist fight. Practical classes are always better than theoretical ones right? Oh, and I don't want to fight Tom. Steve, you're the big guy, let's do a round. If I can't get you under my feet in 30 seconds, you win.".

"You'll fight me? Sugar, I don't hit women" Steve smirked. The whole leader's table were looking at (Y/N) and Steve. Levi arrived the scene just a while ago and heard most of what (Y/N) said. "(Y/N), I'll take care of him.." Levi tried to say but (Y/N) stopped him and said, "Let me do this by myself." "Do you happen to be afraid, Steve? " (Y/N) asked Steve as she stood up from her chair, rolled the sleeves of her shirt and walked in front of the seated Steve. "Steve, she's asking for it. Just beat her ass" Tom told Steve in a bored voice. Steve didn't answer to that and stood up. There was quiet a bit of space between the buffet table and the leader's table. The whole canteen was looking at Steve and (Y/N) now.

Steve charged at (Y/N) but (Y/N) simply used her hands to use Steve's height and weight to knock him down. She saw Eren do that to Jean multiple times and practiced it with Levi back when she was getting knife training. Of course, most people weren't surprised by such a feat from (Y/N) because they all trusted Erwin's decisions. As Steve was trying to get up, he saw (Y/N) casually walking towards him and kick him in the face with an extremely accurate amount of speed and at an extremely accurate area of the head which knocked him out.

"Well, Tom, do your research better next time. By the way, your second mistake was to think that Uncle Erwin isn't my uncle, because, he is. Thirdly, you shouldn't have said that thing about me selling my kid. I wouldn't have given lowlifes like you any attention if you didn't do that. Now that you succeeded in attracting my attention, help your friend to the medics. He'll have a concussion." (Y/N) told Tom, who was speechless by (Y/N)'s abilities. After Tom left with an unconscious Steve, (Y/N) sat back at her seat and started with her stew.

"Those are the bullies among the squad leaders. There are three types of squad leaders around here. Bullies like them, the normal ones, and people like myself or Levi, the ones who actually are assets to the Survey corps. These bullies thought you're one of the normal ones but they didn't think you'd be with the elites. They don't usually sit with us. They just came here today to mess with you. You'd not see them around usually." Hanji explained. "I reckoned you'd find this type of divisions in the military police. Not the Survey Corps." (Y/N) muttered as she slurped down her now cold stew. "(Y/N), every military division has shit like this. Some more than the others. None of the divisions are perfect." Levi answered to that before looking at Hanji and asking, "Hanji, where do you reckon we should buy a house?"

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: Remember how (Y/N) walked on to Petra kissing Levi while getting to her cleaning duties before the 57th expedition? Now you know how she got the duty of cleaning Levi's room in the first place.]

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

[autisticallyfeisty]

SBSK Reviews Volume #1

So I’m doing a new thing. 

I’ve spent a few months watching Special Books for Special Kids (SBSK) videos. For those of you who don’t know, SBSK is a Youtube channel where Chris Ulmer (a former special ed teacher) interviews disabled people (usually children). The videos are highly praised by disabled and nondisabled people alike, to the point where I can’t seem to find any criticism of them on the entire Internet.

And I don’t think the videos are without merit. They’re usually less condescending and “inspirational” than most other documentaries about disabled people. And a lot of his interviews are with people who have the kind of stigmatized disabilities that most of society, including a lot of the disabled community, often don’t like to acknowledge or include. And all the ones I’ve watched seem like pretty cool people. So I think all of that is good and important, and I can see why a lot of people might really like it for those reasons.

...but there are also a lot of things that bug me about the channel, most of which I struggle to put into words when I try to explain them to other people. So I’m going to try writing these reviews, I guess you’d call them, to try and sort my thoughts out. I think I’ll do a few at a time (in no particular order). In these reviews, I will mostly be focusing on Chris’ interview style and the way he interacts with his subjects. I will not be critiquing the interviewees (unless one of them, like, says something offensive. but I haven’t seen that happen yet), I will probably criticise their parents sometimes, but since I know these videos only show a small snippet of their lives, and it’s usually hard to tell what someone’s really like from that, I will try to give them the benefit of the doubt, unless it’s really obvious that something is off.

The Family that Adopted Six Children with Down Syndrome (And One with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome)

(that title sounds like it came from a fanfic on LiveJournal circa 2010)

The first thing he says during the Asher interview segment is “I came here to be your friend.” No, you didn’t. You came here to interview him, supposedly to educate the world about people with Down syndrome, and also because you have chosen to make this channel your job. Therefore you have a business relationship with the people you interview. Just like with any other job, friendships can form over time, but you don’t just walk up to someone on your first day of work and say “I came here to be your friend.” Especially not to a kid, ew. 

(yes, I know this is something Chris does a lot. and yes, I am going to point it out every single time.)

Asher (who looks maybe 12 or 13? definitely not a little kid in any case) pulls himself into Chris’ lap, and instead of politely redirecting him to some other way of showing friendship and hanging out (because they’ve just met and Asher is at an age where he really needs to be learning about physical boundaries, especially with strangers) Chris says “I think I made a new best friend today.”

And then his parents talk about how it’s a coping mechanism for him. Which I get, but...he’s getting older. He could land in some serious danger if he doesn’t learn safer coping mechanisms soon. And I don’t want to judge his parents too harshly; the interview with them isn’t very long and it’s entirely possible that’s this is something they’re working on teaching him. But I do blame Chris. Especially since they’re telling him all about Asher’s trauma around abandonment. Like how can you do that to a kid who you know has that kind of history, just walk into his life for a day and tell him he’s your best friend and then leave? smh

It’s good that the mom acknowledges how her children help each other learn things, instead of painting herself as a saint taking care of completely helpless disabled children.

ok but then she says “He was what is commonly referred to as a ‘feral child’“ and, like, maybe don’t say that right in front of the kid you’re talking about??

“He’s got a lot of information in his head that we don’t always know is there, because he gets stuck on certan topics. Like treadmills, and food. And trains.” See this is why I always laugh/cry when other autistic people talk about people with Down syndrome/intellectual disabilities like they’re a different species from us. How can you not notice the similarities (both in how we are and how people talk about us)?

Why can’t he watch Polar Express today? Do you think nondisabled teenagers seek permission from their parents every time they want to watch something? (I knew I said I would try to refrain from criticizing the parents too much, but yeesh.)

It’s valid to feel sad your adopted kids spent the first few years of their lives in orphanages and to wonder what other abilities they might have developed if they hadn’t been neglected. BUT YOU DON’T NEED TO SAY THAT IN FRONT OF THEM! There is literally no reason to do that. Your daughter is clearly doing her best, just shut up.

When he introduces himself to Audrey, he says “I came here today. I really want to be your friend. What should I do so I can be your friend?” And while I think that’s still too forward of a way to introduce yourself to someone, I do think it’s a bit more respectful and less presumptuous than how in introduced himself to Asher. 

When interviewing Abel, who has Down syndrome and communicates through sign language, Chris kept his questions straightforward and concrete (mostly about things Abel liked). But then when interviewing Roman, who has FAS and is capable of speaking, but has trouble with language processing, Chris asks much more vague and abstract questions, to which Roman, predictably, replies “I don’t know.” I don’t know why Chris took such a different approach to interviewing these two. I would really like to think it’s not because Roman is the only one without Down syndrome, but I’m having trouble thinking of another reason. A lot of times, the less someone “looks” disabled, the more other people will expect the person to act like whatever most people would consider “normal”.

Or maybe Chris figured that since Roman can use his mouth to talk, he must be more capable of communicating complex ideas than someone who signs. Either way, it’s a great illustration of why high-functioning/low-functioning and verbal/noverbal are not very useful as binaries.

I have no idea how old any of these kids(?) are. This is something that’s consistent throughout most of SBSK and I think it’s a problem. Because there are a lot of times, in a lot of videos, where Chris or the parents will be talking to a disabled person in a way that’s fine when talking to a child, but not remotely ok when talking to an adult. And I won’t know what age the person is, so I can’t tell whether people are being condescending to them or not.

At the end of the video, the mom is talking about how Abel likes to pretend he knows less than he does so he can play jokes on people. This made me really happy, because earlier in the video, there were a couple of moments that made me wonder if that’s what was going on. First, when Chris tried to do his usual “I came here to be your friend” * routine, Abel responded by signing “I’m waiting for lunch”. And then later when Chris asks if Abel had a good time today, Abel signs “loud”. And I wondered both times if Abel was being snarky, but I didn’t want to assume because I don’t know him or his communication style. But after what his mom said, I’m pretty sure my first impression was correct.

(*and yes, that is the phrasing Chris used. Compare how he phrased it when talking to Audrey (who can speak fluently) to what he said to Asher and Abel, who seem to be mostly nonspeaking.)

That took a long time. I’m going to review some shorter videos now. (Back when Chris first started the channel, a lot of the interviews were only a minute or two long.)

A***** ***** (Doctors Advised Parents Not to Adopt Her)

Just think, for the rest of her life, whenever someone searches her name, this video, with that title, is going to pop up (probably one of the first results too, since this is such a popular channel). That’s why I blanked out her name; I don’t want to contribute to the problem.

The video opens with her crying while Chris holds her. He hugs her and says “It’s ok. I’m here for you.” Now, I don’t know about you, but if I was holding a young child who I’d never met before and they suddenly started crying, my first thought would be that maybe they were crying because they weren’t comfortable being held by a stranger, not that they were suddenly upset about something unrelated and wanted to be comforted by a stranger. 

The parts where he was singing to her and playing with her seemed alright. I kind of wish he would do stuff like that more. It seems more natural than his usual interview format and conveys a better sense of the children’s personalities, and most importantly, it seems like it’s a lot more comfortable for the children.

Corwin the Man (Down syndrome)

This kid is adorable. And i feel fine about saying that, because unlike most of Chris’ videos, they say what age Corwin is at the beginning, so I don’t have to wonder “wait, is Chris/am I infantilizing a teenager/adult?”

Ugh, there’s Chris asking “I feel like we’re best friends, do you feel like we’re best friends?” and Corwin says “yes” because what else are you going to do when you’re a kid in that situation and you have multiple adults looking at you expectantly.

Chris asks what makes him sad, and Corwin replies, “I’m not happy when Mom pressures me.” And I loved that, because the more recent SBSK videos are so generic, with interviewees rarely being encouraged to talk about anything unhappy, Or if they are, they’re expected to talk about bullying and the like, never about anything happening at home. So that was surprising and refreshing that he was allowed to say that.

But then Chris ruins it by saying, super condescendingly, “Moms pressure you because they love you.”

Aaaaaaand I’m done for now. This was interesting though. I’ll do another batch soon.

[theastrophilearchitect]

March TBR/W.

Every book, audiobook, tv show and movie I want to consume in March 2021.

-Hence ‘TBR/W’ - to-be-read/watched.

I’m not usually a fan of pre-planning my media for the month - I plan out all my media obsessively, but doing it by month seems a little too much like setting deadlines for my taste, and I’m sure I’ll somehow manage to turn watching tv into a chore. Regardless, it’s worth a shot, so this is going to be a rough guide - I’m going to pick four of each category, one per week, because I’d rather underestimate and surpass than overestimate and have to defer things to the next month. So let’s go.

Books

1. Skyward and 2. Starsight by Brandon Sanderson

Skyward is set in a future where the human race is on the verge of extinction, trapped on a planet constantly attacked by alien warriors. Spensa, a teenage girl stuck on the planet, wants to be a pilot, but it seems far-off. Then, she finds the wreckage of a ship that appears to have a soul, and she must figure out how to repair it, and persuade it to help her navigate flight school.

In truth, I mainly want to read this because of how highly it’s been praised by Hailey in Bookland on YouTube. I actually tried reading Sanderson’s Mistborn series a couple years ago, and just didn’t click with it. I love fantasy, but I can pretty confidently say epic fantasy just isn’t for me. However, Sanderson’s work is adored by many, and Skyward and its sequel Starsight appeal so much more to me, and I can’t wait to get to them.

3. House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J Maas

This is Maas’s first technically-adult book; Throne of Glass is young adult, ACOTAR being classed either as young or new adult. I’ve been a fan of Maas for a long time, and, though I enjoy her books less now than I have in the past due to how seriously they tend to take themselves, I’d still love to read this one. Where her previous series were both fantasies, this sits somewhere between that and a sci-fi, but I can’t say as-of-yet what I think, because I haven’t read it yet.

Bryce Quinlan finds herself investigating her friends’ deaths in an attempt to avenge them after they were taken from her by a demon. Hunt Athalar is a Fallen angel, enslaved by Archangels, forced to assassinate their enemies, when he’s offered a deal to assist Bryce in exchange for his freedom.

4. Scythe by Neal Shusterman

I listened to this as an audiobook in 2019 as part of BookTuber Book Roast’s Magical Readathon, and didn’t hugely get along with it in truth. The audiobook was excellent as an audiobook, but the story Ian’s I just didn’t really vibe. I think I just want to like this book, so I think it’s worth a reread to see if my opinion changes.

This follows Citra and Rowan, a reluctant pair of apprentice Scythes - in a utopian future where humanity has the means to live forever, it is the job of the Scythes to control the population by essentially reaping the souls of those they choose to die. Neither Citra or Rowan want it, but I don’t remember enough about this book to say any more.

Audiobooks

1. Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

This is the last book in the Hunger Games trilogy, and you either already know what this series is about, or you’ve been living under a rock for the last thirteen years. I read this book for the first time nearly seven years ago, and it’s stuck with me. It sent me into a phase of only reading dystopian books (The Darkest Minds by Alexandra Bracken was part of this, and was the series that really got me into reading), but this was the main one that stuck with me. 

It contains a powerful message about capitalism and discrimination, and this is the second time I’ve listened to the audiobooks, though the god-only-knows-what time I’ve read the series. I listened to The Hunger Games and Catching Fire in February, which automatically puts this on my to-listen for March.

2. Ghosts of the Shadow Market by Cassandra Clare, Sarah Rees Brennan, Maureen Johnson, Kelly Link and Robin Wasserman

This is a novella bind-up set in the Shadowhunters world, that I would imagine has quite a bit to do with the Shadow Market, an aspect of the Downworld introduced in The Dark Artifices, which I finished in January.

In truth, I’m mainly planning to listen to this audiobook because it’s the only Shadowhunters novella bind-up with an audiobook, and I’d just rather read additions to the main Shadowhunters series in this format rather than physically.

3. The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins

This is a Hunger Games prequel that was released early last year, and I just wasn’t going to read it. I heard several reviews, the general consensus of which was basically that it’s not as good as the trilogy and is somewhat unnecessary, but, in truth, my curiosity’s got the better of me, especially since I started listening to the trilogy’s audiobooks again.

This prequel follows Coriolanus Snow as a mentor in the Games before he became President of Panem and the wonderful villain of the original trilogy.

4. Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia

I mentioned this in my physical TBR post a couple weeks ago, but have decided to listen to the audiobook instead. A few weeks ago, I’d started to run out of audiobooks I wanted to listen to, and didn’t want to read anything on my regular TBR in this format, including this book. But, I went through a load of audiobook recommendations, and this was one of them, so it joined my to-listen.

I’m not hugely into contemporary books, but I’ve wanted to get more into the genre for a while, and this was the first one to join my TBR.

This novel follows Eliza Mirk, your typical high school outcast, who publishes a hugely popular web comic under the pseudonym LadyConstellation. Then Wallace Warland, the biggest fanfic writer of her comic transfers to her school and begins to draw her out of her shell.

TV Shows

Before I go into my list, I’d like to mention that I am currently watching WandaVision and am definitely planning to watch Falcon and the Winter Soldier on Disney+, but both come out on a weekly basis, so aren’t being included on this list. Also, I’ve been watching way too much YouTube recently, so I’m not sure I’ll get through all of these this month, especially since I’m watching the Arrowverse shows, which have such long seasons.

1. Love, Victor Season 1

This Love, Simon spin-off follows a character named Victor at Creekwood (I think that’s the name?) High School. I saw Love, Simon twice in cinemas when it was released, and, miraculously, it made me cry. I love that movie.

This series was released last year on Hulu, which is only available in the US, but as of February 23rd, it’s one of the shows that came to Disney+ as part of Star.

2. The Flash Season 1

As mentioned, I’ve started watching the DC Arrowverse shows. I watch tv shows through alternating seasons - as in, I watch season 1 of show A, then season 1 of show B, then 2 of A, etc., then when I finish one, I start watching show C - but I’m treating the Arrowverse as one show (even though it isn’t) so it’s not the only thing I’m watching. So this is technically Arrowverse S3, preceded by Arrow S1+2 (though I haven’t actually started S2 as of writing this because of how much YouTube I’ve been watching, so I’ll be finishing that first).

I genuinely don’t know that much about most DC superheroes, Flash included, but I’m going into this having been assured it takes itself less goddamn seriously than Arrow. It’s my sister’s favourite Arrowverse show, and I can’t wait.

3. Dare Me Season 1

I added this Netflix show to my watchlist when it came out, and my basic understanding is that it focuses on the cheerleaders at a high school, and begins when a new coach arrives. It focuses on the psychological damage behind competitive cheerleading, and I’m not convinced I’m going to love it, but I think it’s worth a shot.

4. Arrow Season 3

I’m so confused by this poster. This is specifically the season 3 poster, and I’m so confused, but I’m sure it’ll make more sense when I watch the season.

I explained the weird way I’m watching Arrowverse (named as such because Arrow was the first show in it) already, but Arrow follows Oliver Queen, the son of one of the billionaires of Starling City upon his return after being stuck for five years on an island when a cruise ship carrying him and his father sunk. His father left him with a list of names of the people ‘corrupting’ the city, and Oliver takes it upon himself to assume a vigilante identity and take them down.

Movies

I’m not a huge movie-watcher, but I end up compiling so many to watch that, to ensure I get round to them, I watch a movie every time I finish a tv show season. I’m also currently re-watching the MCU movies in chronological order.

1. Instant Family

This is just something that came onto Netflix recently and I thought might be entertaining, and so it joined my list.

This follows a couple who decide to adopt a teenager, only to find out she has two more siblings.

2. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 

This is just a continuation of my MCU re-watch - I love this movie. I love Guardians of the Galaxy, full stop (on another note, I just generally don’t understand why British people call it a full stop and Americans call it a period. Neither name makes particular sense). 

3. Avengers: Age of Ultron

And here we have another continuation of my MCU rewatch. I honestly think this is my favourite Avengers movie, because the whole teams actually together, and Wanda, Scarlet Witch, is introduced - I love her. I really didn’t like Vision until WandaVision came out, though.

4. Behind The Try: A Try Guys Documentary

Not technically a movie, but still. (Are documentaries movies? I tend to think of them as separate categories, but I guess they’re both movies. Hm.) I’ve been watching the Try Guys for years, which means I need to convince my sister to give me her Google password so I don’t have to pay for this.

I’m probably not going to stick to this list, and even if I do, I’m either going to also consume things not on it, or just not finish it. But, you’ll have to wait for my March wrap-up to find out.

[deobis]

Road to Kingdom Episode 4 Thoughts

The third challenge was for each group to pick one of their own songs and perform it. I really wish RTK stuck with the “king” theme, but I guess there are only so many challenges they can create revolving that topic. 

DISCLAIMER: I am a lot harsher in this review than any of my other posts. Please know that I do not hate any of the 7 groups and I truly wish the best for all of them. This is just an analysis of the most recent performances.

Anyways onto my rankings!

Enjoyment ranking: 

Pentagon (Wow! For once it’s not TBZ haha)

Verivery

The Boyz

Oneus

ONF

TOO

Golden Child

Objective Ranking:

Verivery

The Boyz

Pentagon

ONF

Oneus

Golden Child

TOO

Prediction rankings:

Pentagon

The Boyz

Verivery

ONF

Oneus

TOO

Golden Child

Put a prediction ranking bc the rankings haven’t been announced yet so we will see tomorrow!

For the first time in forever, TBZ is not first in my book. Shocker I know. That’s not to say that I didn’t like their performance or concept but rather the other groups (PTG and Verivery) did better in my eyes. Let’s talk about TBZ’s Reveal (Catching Fire) perf. I’ll call it RCF for short. TBZ was the only group to continue a story from the second challenge. This gains major points in my book as I love plot driven performances. Anything with a story or clear objective gains brownie points because it’s what makes performances an art. You can dance to a song but if there’s no emotion it stays as a sport rather than a form of artistic expression. TBZ have shown their artistry fully through RTK, something they haven’t really been able to do before. I’m amazed at how they are able to control shock factor so well. I was worried the stunts of Danger would outshine whatever they had to show in RCF but they proved me wrong. There were less stunts this time but they focused on a much larger picture (pun intended). They added backup dancers and allowed the camera to take wider shots to show their formations. I just felt like they lacked a spark this time. If you can’t already tell, I prefer their Danger performance much more. A large part of this is due to the arrangement of Danger. The RCF arrangement was interesting and refreshing but there wasn’t anything really new. Maybe I feel this way because I’ve listened to Reveal too many times who knows. Negatives aside, I have to say I really liked the choreography changes. The part where Haknyeon is center really blew my mind. 

But here’s why I liked Verivery and Pentagon’s performance more: emotion. Pentagon’s is obvious, they used this stage to send off someone they really love. You can really see that the members love Jinho and that they have a deep bond. Pentagon was also the only group to mix two of their songs together, one being a title track and one being a side track (note: PTG and Verivery are the only groups who picked side b’s for their song). Pentagon’s arrangement was impeccable. For me, the new Shine sounded like a Jpop song (mostly because of the rock vibes; if you listen to Jpop you know what I mean), while still retaining the bright theme of Shine. A lot of people might say the performance was too emotional and not professional, but out of all 7 performances, Pentagon’s was the most meaningful and was delivered the best. The message and how they played with the stage was stunning and their little additions and references to other popular Kpop songs makes it so you will notice something new every time you rewatch it. Please watch this video where Hongseok goes into detail about the little easter eggs and the whole purpose behind their performance. I have so much respect for Pentagon and I could write so much more about this performance but I must talk about the other 5 haha (if you want to hear more feel free to ask!)

Verivery. VERIVERY. God DAMN did they really come back and hit hard. They definitely had the clearest and most well thought out performance of all. What differentiates them from TBZ’s story like performance is that TBZ had too much going on in my opinion. They tried to tell us a long story with not enough time. This is why so many fans have vastly different interpretations of their performance. While this can often be a good thing, I think you have to find a balance when doing a storytelling performance. Verivery cleanly executes their narrative of a nightmare and takes the cliche of “it was all a dream” to the max by going “SIKE” at the end. Their choreography was so well planned out and they were honestly very minimalistic about their stage, just like TBZ’s Danger stage. The shock factor is just right (my favorite part being when the backup dancers have the smoke come out of their mouth). Not only that but Photo is a SIDE TRACK. I cannot stress enough how brave of them that is. I legitimately thought it was a title track until I looked at their discography. They arranged their side b to sound like a title track, and not only that, they changed the overall feel of the song as well. If you listen to the original Photo, it sounds more like a bad boy song, but their RTK version is very much so horror/rock themed. I can’t STRESS how good this performance is. Especially because it’s such a contrast from their last performance. Photo is now in my spotify playlist and I have no regrets.

Now onto the last 4 performances. I hate to break it to you all but... I didn’t really like any of them. None of them made me think “wow I could rewatch this so many times.” Lets start with Oneus. LIT is my favorite Oneus song so I highly anticipated this performance. If you didn’t know Oneus before and only watch this stage you might think its a very good stage with a strong traditional theme. I totally agree, the traditional theme is unique to Oneus and I loved the instrumental changes they made so the song would cater more to their theme. The biggest issue I had with this stage was that It literally is just like their music video. If you have seen the LIT mv you will know what I mean. The dragon dance, traditional clothing, theme, sound, everything was too similar. The stage was grand but it just felt like a live version of their MV. 

I know a lot of people liked ONF’s performance. Let me just say first that they killed it and YooA was *chefs kiss* The biggest issue I had with this stage was its message and theme. They seemed to have a conductor/medieval theme but also the masks?? Like what? It felt so out of place and random. I felt like a lot of their stage choices had little to no purpose. I honestly still don’t understand why YooA was there. The duet dance was nice but why? It seemed like they were trying to tell a story but it just wasn’t clear to me. It looked nice and everything but that was about it. In no way am I saying the performance was bad, it’s just there’s nothing that makes me want to go back and watch again. I think the fact that there was a plot but no plot at the same time really bothered me and that’s why I didn’t like it as much. 

TOO has grown a lot since episode one. They are truly experimenting with the stage and I’m very happy to see that. I have the same issue with TOO as I did with ONF. There was a clear theme of “dark vs light” or “evil vs good” but why? What was the point? The theme may have seemed obvious but was it really? Were they trying to convey good vs bad, angel vs devil, justice vs injustice? I couldn’t tell throughout the entire performance. It’s okay to take cliche themes but with a show like RTK, there needs to be something more. I also hate to be harsh but some of their execution just wasn’t as clean. This doesn’t only apply to Chan (I think that’s his name), but the whole performance in general. The most obvious instance is the head twist part. But I applaud Chan for performing with 100% even after his mistake (which, by the way, he made look very natural. I was very sad when he kept beating himself up over the mistake 😞 you did great bb I hope you know that). Even if their age and lack of experience is shown in their performances, I must say they are really stepping out of their comfort zone and learning at a rapid pace. I have high hopes for them.

Now onto the last group. Golden Child. I was very impressed with GolChas first two performances but this one was a disappointment. I appreciate the use of strings and their classical arrangement (as I said in my previous episode thoughts post) but this performance was, well, dull to say the least. The only “shock factor” was the violin solo (which was very good btw), but I think it was too late into the performance. There wasn’t much that made me interested in the performance up to that point. I don’t know. There really just isn’t much for me to talk about because they didn’t really do much.(God that sounds so harsh;; I’m sorry 😭😭) I really think their second performance was highly underrated but all in all this third one was not it. 

As you can see my critiques for this set of performances are, well, a lot harsher. I think it’s because the bar was raised so much higher after the first three episodes. Overall, if I had seen any of these performances outside of the RTK context I probably would have been a lot more impressed and shocked. I wish the best for all the groups and no matter who gets eliminated tomorrow I want all the groups to know that they all deserve a spot in the Kingdom. Mnet is just trash.

[firstagent]

Fanfic Authors Tag Game

I was tagged by @ahiddenpath and I’m actually going to do this! If nothing else to take inventory.

AO3 name(s): I’m arpulver there and FFN. Fandoms: Been Digimon for the longest time, although I did have an original webnovel for a time, a couple crossover fics, and in a previous century had a website archiving and reviewing Simpsons fanfic. Number of fics:  9, not counting song parodies or script-format stuff I did back in the day.

1. Fic I spent the most time on:

Taken as an entire trilogy, The Connection took roughly five years. As individual stories, it’s a tossup between Level 3: Experiments and Neverworld at about 2.5 years. Nexusworld will surely pass those, but it’s going to be the longest.

2. Fic I spent the least time on:

Imaginary Girlfriend, written for the Dandan zine, took a couple weeks, not counting editing.

3. Longest fic: 

Currently Neverworld at about 256,000 words!

4. Shortest fic:

The Dandan zine had a 2,500 word limit. The posted version of Imaginary Girlfriend is only a teeny bit longer.

5. Most hits:

According to the FFN legacy stats, Neverworld edges out Level 1: Worlds and Odaiba Memorial Day, although it’s possible those two predate FFN’s hit tracking. Not saying I’m old, but my FFN account number is only four digits!

6. Most kudos:

Resumption, the uncomfortably prescient tale of the 02 kids post-tri. (written before its halfway point, is currently beating Neverworld 125-104!

7. Most comment threads:

Including FFN, Odaiba Memorial Day, my first proper Digimon fic, has 252 reviews.

8. Favorite fic I wrote:

For as much fame and attention I’ve gotten for my older stuff, it’s really a tossup between Neverworld and Nexusworld.

Neverworld was planned out before tri. was announced and while it gave me pause about writing the Adventure kids six years older at the same time canon was about to unveil something showing them in the same time frame, the idea of aging the characters of all (then) six seasons and throwing them into their very own Digital World playground to have interpersonal drama with each other was too enticing to pass up. And for as many curveballs as tri. threw at me, everything lined up neatly to incorporate its ideas and character interpretations into my story along with the way I had been portraying them. We ended up with the same Taichi and Mimi even! And for as easy as it is for long fics to go off the rails and become unmanageable, I’m proudest of the fact that it wrapped up every significant plotline and ended in a sensible place with a powerful climax.

Nexusworld, its sequel, came about because as much as I adored tri. and Appmon, they and Hunters left a lot of unfinished baggage that I wanted to address. The world gave me a chance to take Maki and Daigo, well before any of their misdeeds in tri., and put them next to two characters going through very similar problems: Haru and his desperate quest to bring back a lost loved one, and Tagiru, trying to recapture some of the glory from a victory that carried a big asterisk next to it. They also have to deal directly with Meiko, still reeling from her loss, the international kids and their organization post-tri., and a host of other new arrivals and old favorites. The emphasis on less popular seasons has made it harder to find an audience, but I’m finding the writing more direct and more meaningful than what I’ve put out before.

9. Fic you want to re-write:

Many years ago I actually did rewrite Level 1! The plan was to edit the trilogy, clean up some of the wonkier bits, fix some timeline issues, and put out an edition I’m prouder of, but I never got around to working on Level 2 or Level 3. While tri. thematically lines up nicely with The Connection trilogy, both it and Kizuna have poked enough holes in my timeline that such an edit doesn’t feel necessary anymore.

Despite its popularity, I’m not at all happy with the writing or character work in Odaiba Memorial Day, but I loved the format and I wonder if it might be neat to try it again using the canon time period between Kizuna and the epilogue (OMD gives everyone a different future because, shockingly, it was planned out before the Zero Two epilogue existed!).

10. Share bit of a WIP or a story idea you’re planning on:

All of my Digimon ideas are worming their way into Nexusworld right now and I’m not sure if I’m doing another Digimon project once it’s done. So you’re getting a future Nexusworld scene with Meiko and Mimi!

[Meiko] dropped her bag next to the extended and unmade futon. After some hesitation, she removed her shoes and stretched out on the bed. At some point she’d have to go back out there and figure out what to say to Eri. With Mimi still taking care of her job, she could afford a few minutes to ponder, and even dozing off didn’t sound terrible. Only a minute of staring at the ceiling passed before the bed rustled. Mimi sprawled out next to her, narrow eyes probing back. “What’s wrong? Come on, no bottling it.” With a huff, she added, “What did Tai do? Do I need to make Yolei beat him up?” Meiko let a chuckle escape. As well as she thought she had been doing before, having Mimi back as a regular part of her life was pure delight. “It isn’t Tai. He was great. Actually it’s, um… Eri.” “Eri?!” Mimi’s eyes flared. “What did Eri do?! I don’t think Yolei could beat her up.”

[ruthfeiertag]

Random Ruminations on Depression

Preamble:

I want to take back the word ruminate. The Online Etymology Dictionary explains that the word “ruminate (v.)” dating from the 1530s, means “'to turn over in the mind,’ also ‘to chew cud’ (1540s), from Latin ruminatus, past participle of ruminare ‘to chew the cud; turn over in the mind,' from rumen (genitive ruminis) ‘gullet,’ of uncertain origin.” Merriam-Webster Online Gives the definition of ruminate as

transitive verb

1: to go over in the mind repeatedly and often casually or slowly 2: to chew repeatedly for an extended period

intransitive verb

1: to chew again what has been chewed slightly and swallowed : chew the cud 2: to engage in contemplation : REFLECT

https://pixabay.com/photos/pensive-female-woman-window-staring-580611/

But psychology — and in general I have real respect and genuine gratitude for the healing and support psychology and psychotherapists provide; if I kept a gratitude journal, my therapist’s name would be on every page — has come near to ruining this apt word that perfectly expresses the way many of us need or choose to take the time to ponder and deliberate rather than hasten to judge or get embroiled in the consequences of an ill-considered decision. Psychology, as a field, has decided ruminate should mean obsessively thinking about whatever is bothering one, over and over and over… 

I think one of the reasons this definition has become popular, not only among psychologists, but in the general public as well, is that we have such short attention spans and have come to prize speed over all else. We rush to embrace technology that robs us of our privacy, we don’t stay to watch the credits after a movie (unless there’s an added scene), we expect to know the results of every election before the votes are all counted. Take a breath, people. Being ruminative used to be a positive attribute, one that indicated one was a careful, thoughtful person, not inclined to fling one’s self pell-mell off a cliff. Now it is a weakness, a character flaw that indicates one brings one’s misfortunes upon one’s self because one can’t control one’s thoughts. 

Join me in my mission. Let’s rescue ruminate. Start using it in its proper sense. Fling it with abandon into your philosophical conversations: “I was ruminating upon the meaning of life the other day and wondering just what 42 really has to do with it.” If someone tries to push you into making a snap decision, say, “You know, in order to give you the thoughtful answer you deserve, I need to ruminate on that for a day or two.” When next asked to describe yourself, pause for a moment,  then declare, “I am an attentive, measured sort of person with a ruminative cast to my mind.” (Just don’t tell anyone you’re a ruminant. That will totally undermine our goal.) 

And after we save ruminate, we’re coming back for you, enable.

*****************************

Every so often, the New Yorker slips a suggestion for an archived article into the Inbox of my e-mail. That how I came across Andrew Solomon’s article, “Anatomy of Melancholy,” that appeared in New Yorker’s January 12, 1998 issue. It’s a pretty harrowing description of the depths down to which depression can pull person, and of the biases that still pertain when it comes to admitting to others or to ourselves that we have a mental illness and, worse, might be so “weak” as to need chemical (or electrical) interventions. As I moved through the essay, I can upon this proffered bit of wisdom:

Accuracy of perception is not an evolutionary priority. Too optimistic a world view results in foolish risk-taking, but moderate optimism gives you a strong selective advantage. “Normal human thought and perception,“ Shelley Taylor writes in her 1989 book, Positive Illusions, “is marked not by accuracy but by positive self-enhancing illusions about the self, the world, and the future. Moreover…these illusions are not merely characteristic of human thought; they appear actually to be adaptive.” As she notes, “The mildly depressed appear to have more accurate views of themselves, the world, and the future than normal people. [They] clearly lack the illusions that in normal people promote mental health and buffer them against setbacks.”

hulki-okan-tabak-SKadYI4E7OM-unsplash-scaled

So — why are those of us with depression and accurate perceptions the ones who are mentally ill, while the “normies” with their illusions are the ones who are considered sane? Why are we the ones who are seen as less evolved? Am I the only one who thinks this assessment is a little bit off?

************************************

  In a recent car commercial, actor and apparent guru Matthew McConaughey ruminates (see how easy it is to just slip the word right into a sentence?) out loud about the process of identity formation. He muses 

“Knowin’ who we are is hard — it’s hard. Eliminatin’ who you are are not, first, and you’re gonna find yourself where ya need to be.”

OK: first, shouldn’t the logic of the first sentence — the search for identity — lead to a statement about finding out who one is rather than where one is? I guess that’s what happens when one infuses manufactured sagacity into an advert for a vehicle. And never mind the lack of parallel structure in the second sentence.

But what I keep thinking is, “What if we, as is recommended by Mr. McConaughey, eliminate all the people we are not, only to realize there’s no one left?” That’s kind of who-where I keep finding myself.

*********************************

An ethical dilemma: At the recommendation of a friend, I picked up Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, by Daniel G. Amen. M.D. I haven’t read very far into it, but so far there are some sensible observations about the practicality of having one’s brain scanned for damage so one knows whether medical or psychotherapeutic remedies are most likely to be beneficial. However, on page twenty-nine, our friend the doctor discusses thing that hurt the brain and things that help the brain. Under malign influences, Dr. Amen notes that “even spending time with unhealthy people [is] bad for the brain.” OK: I can see how that can work.

In the next paragraph, Dr. Amen lists things that can boost the brain. This list includes the point that “In many ways, the best thing you can do for your brain is to spend time with healthy people. As we will see, they are contagious. I often say the fastest way to get healthy is to find the healthiest person you can stand and then spend as much time around him or her as possible.” That also makes sense.

BUT — and you may already see the problem here — let’s say I’m a healthy person. I know an unhealthy person, someone with, say, depression, someone who would immensely benefit from spending time with me. Yet if I do spend time with that person, I’ll be engaged in an activity that will be detrimental to my own grey matter. On the other hand, if I choose to protect myself by shunning the depressed person, I’m selfishly depriving her or him of my beneficial “contagion” and preventing that person from attaining the flourishing cerebrum she or he deserves. (Unless, of course, that person has been ruminating. In that case, she or he deserves all the melancholy that infests her or his soul. [That’s an example how NOT to use the word ruminating.]) I’m either allowing harm to come to myself or withholding aid from another, which makes me a pretty lousy human being, and knowing that I’m a pretty lousy human will depress me.

Now let’s imagine that I am the unhealthy person, and I know a tremendously healthy person, in whose salubrious presence I never fail to rally. I have a lot of time on my hands. I easily could spend days with this person and notably sharpen my dulled mental functions and ameliorate my debilitating mood. However, by latching on to this bloom-imparting individual, I will be causing harm to that person’s well-being and will likely disrupt her or his equilibrium. That would make me an insensitive parasite, sucking the life out of someone for my own ends, and being such a draining leech would make me feel horrible and depressed.

So what to do? I hate lose-lose, damned-if-you-do-or-don’t, caught-between- Scylla-and-a-hard-place options.

**********************************

And then Will Wheaton put this up on his Blog:

報復性熬夜

Revenge Bedtime Procrastination, which has a much more beautiful name in Chinese (the literal translation for revenge bedtime procrastination means “suffering through the night vengefully.”), is a phenomena unique to people who feel out of control in their daily lives, so we refuse to go to sleep early, to exert some control over our lives, and to enjoy some quiet time alone, when the rest of our people are sleeping.

I should confess, straight up, that I am, by nature, a night owl. It runs in the family. But I love both this concept and its name. Between the depression and the M.E. and the State of the Union, I’m having an increasingly hard time getting any sleep. I just wish being AWAKE YES I’M AWAKE YES I DO KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS OH ISN’T THAT A LOVELY SUNRISE? would wreak some actual vengeance on the conditions and people who are responsible for my near-insomnia. 

 *****************************

Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay https://pixabay.com/photos/fantasy-face-branches-woman-3317298/

I hope my ruminations provide some conceptual cud for your synapses, dear reader, to masticate at the pace of your choosing. And don’t forget: enable is still waiting for us to effect an heroic rescue, one worthy of our idiom.

[savage-rhi]

Sky of Atoms: Death Stranding Fanfic-Ch. 3

GENE 2.0

For as lanky the loner appeared to be, Gene was surprised he was able to carry her all the while scaling the monolith of rocks and debris in the area. Occasionally, he’d hit a snag or would land too rough causing her to shake and grunt. Gene’s grip tightened around the loner’s neck, causing him to let out a small gasp as his voice hitched.

“As much as I’m into that, I don’t think choking me out is a good idea right now considering the circumstances.” His tone was drooling with flirtation, causing Gene to go red in the back as she gave him a swift kick to the side, not enough to hurt but to get the idea across she wasn’t in the mood for games.

“Ouch. Did they teach you that in charm school?” He retorted, chuckling like a kid toying around with another. Gene sighed into the back of his neck before resting her head against the loners body as he continued to carry her off. For a loner, and given how dirty his face looked, he smelled clean like he took care of himself rather well.

“You might want to tone it down being a horn dog before your brain overheats and gives us both away to the MULE’s and Homo Demens.” Gene forewarned.

“Hm, could always chisel some ice off your heart to cool me down.”

“I’m this close to dropping off your back and taking my chances.” Gene said firmly as the grip the loner had on her legs grew tighter.

“Now that won’t do us any good, and you know it. Besides, isn’t it nice catching a break from doing all the walking? I bet a porter like you never had to deliver a body to an incinerator much less haul a live person on your back.”

“Am I supposed to feel bad for you carrying me all of a sudden?”

“You could be a little more grateful. I’m saving both our asses.” He said as a matter of fact, and Gene, being tired and feeling the pain ebbing more in her foot decided to digress. She was in no position to argue, much less give more comebacks and retorts. The loner was an odd one, and had circumstances been different, Gene wouldn’t be riding on his back right now. It was drilled into Brisk HARPY employees to not trust most folks unless it was clearly obvious they were porters themselves. The man carrying her was a Lone Dog as the colonists would call them; people who didn’t fit in with the communities or were not part of the UCA either due to personal reasons or otherwise. In the back of Gene’s mind, despite how helpful he was being, knew it was just as risky to be putting her life in the hands of a Lone Dog as much as it would be if she were caught by the MULE’s or Homo Demens. She dreaded when this would be over, wondering what he’d do to her once he got her out of the way with whatever he intended on doing to the groups.

“You okay up there anyhow?” The loner asked in a calm sigh, showing some form of concern as Gene grunted from him making a jump towards a big rock that needed to be climbed carefully. She tried not to grip around his neck too tight like before, deciding to put more pressure on his sides instead with her legs so she could stay on him. It was painful nonetheless, and her wounded foot made sure to let her know given the pulses of nerves firing off all over.

“Yeah, I’m hanging in there. No pun intended.” Gene said in a playful tone, getting the loner to let out a small laugh. She wasn’t sure what to make of him still. He seemed to flip flop, one moment being flirty and condescending, the next giving a crap. That spelled danger and then some due to the unpredictable nature he already displayed, but Gene had to hope despite how creepy he came across that his intentions were good. They were so far.

“What’s your name?” Gene asked quietly as the loner made it up to the top of the rock, pausing for a bit to not only catch his breath but to scan the area. There was a long pause of hesitation before he replied to her, as if he were nervous as to how she’d react.

“Higgs,” he said then started to get a move on once more. “May I ask why a porter such as yourself is all the way out West in this area?”

Gene had nothing to hide. She decided to tell him as much, figuring it would be boring anyhow. “I had a delivery run to some of the colonies. They needed medicine because of a flu outbreak. I had to be quick so I took this route. I’ve gone through here before, but with better planning and luck.”

“Strange.” Higgs said.

“How so?” Gene asked curiously.

“I come through this neck of the woods often looking for things. I figured I would have bumped into you or another porter. Sides’ I never heard of Brisk HARPY, they new?” Higgs asked as he jumped down a small cliff, landing firmly while looking around before continuing his trek.

Gene found it odd he never heard of her employers. Sure, they were not popular compared to the likes of Fragile Express or Bridges, but they were well known in the West at this point. Was he that much out of the loop? She thought to herself, knowing that preppers were well known for that, but Lone Dogs normally kept up with the times regardless of staying away from folks.

“Brisk HARPY has been around since the BTs and the Timefall left. We take care of shipments and deliveries going out West to colonies and those that have yet to join the UCA.”

“Yet to join,” Higgs repeated in a condescending tone as Gene’s pulse began to rise from the reaction. “Sounds like they aren’t giving folks much choice these days to live the lives they want.”

“No one is forcing them, but at this point not joining the UCA is kind of like shooting yourself in the foot.” Gene explained.

“Much like what you did not too long ago?” Higgs countered with a chuckle as Gene growled at the remark.

“I already feel stupid enough as it is. This delivery wasn’t my first rodeo, but I know I fucked up good. You don’t have to rub salt in the wound.”

“I question if this wound is your foot were talking about or your ego little miss.”

Damn, he’s fucking insufferable. Gene thought to herself, and decided not to grace him with anymore small talk. It was probably for the best anyway considering they were still within the valley floor and the MULE’s and Homo Demens were out looking for them.

Sixty minutes of silence later, and Gene found herself below another set of steep rocks and a cliff with a small creek running alongside. There was a long rope and a ladder already in place, no doubt she figured Higgs had this set up a long time ago. The ladder looked worn out, but sturdy enough to hold them. Gene recognized the creek and realized Higgs and her went around the MULE’s and Homo Demens and were on the other side of the valley floor. She was amazed at how quick Higgs gotten them both there. Had nothing happened to her foot, Gene knew it would take her a few hours especially with scaling the rock formations that Higgs did in a breeze with her in tow. Some part of her was a little jealous of his endurance, but mostly she was filled with curiosity as to how he got that good.

“It’s going to be a bit tricky climbing up with you being the backseat driver. Do you think you can do this part yourself?” He asked, all the while kneeling down so Gene could get off his back. Gene limped on her injured foot upon getting off of Higgs’s back, careful not to have the sole touch the ground for fear of causing more harm to the injury. Her eyes gazed up, studying the rope and ladder.

“I think I got it in a bag as long as I’m careful with where I put my left leg.” Gene said, feeling confident at the very least she’d be able to pull it off. Sure, she couldn’t run without Higgs’s help, but she could still climb. Her upper body strength was decent due to her life as a porter.

“Better get to it then, I’ll be right behind you.” Higgs said as he gestured an arm out, giving a tilt with his head towards the ladder telling Gene to go for it. Gene didn’t hesitate and limped her way over, making sure her grip was secure as she began to climb. The ladder was a good one hundred and twenty feet high with another fifty being where the rope started. The cliff itself was almost two hundred feet up. It was going to be a hell of a climb, but it’s not like she had much choice in the matter.

Gene was about a quarter way up the ladder when she heard a commotion below. She looked down, seeing Higgs with his hands raised as a couple of MULE’s had weapons pointed towards him. Her eyes widened, not recalling the MULE’s in this area being too heavily armed before. They had to have gotten the weapons from Homo Demens. Speaking of which, one of the members showed up. The fog from the morning was drifting into the valley floor at this hour, allowing Gene to see where she was climbing but her vision of what was transpiring below was impaired. She swallowed nervously, not sure if she should continue or not. She also worried about Higgs. He didn’t appear to be armed at all, and at this point was as good as dead given how outnumbered he was.

“Well, I’ll be a son of a bitch! Didn’t expect to see you here Higgs. How is it going living the life of a slumdog?” The Homo Demens member replied with poisonous enthusiasm. The greeting was loud enough that Gene could hear from where she was positioned.

How the hell did they know Higgs? The loner seemed to be many things, but affiliated with terrorists seemed a little out of character even having known him for a short time. Then again, perhaps she was too gullible to think Higgs was just a rag tag Lone Dog that had one too many flirtatious quips.

“Oh, David. I didn’t see you there! I can’t complain. It pays the bills.” Gene saw Higgs shrug and could imagine he was giving a smile towards the Homo Demens member. “You still taking orders from Deeter?”

“Of course. He was more-- competent than you could hope to become.”

“At least I’m still adorable.” Higgs quipped.

“Not for long,” David cocked his weapon and pointed it straight at Higgs and began walking closer towards him. “Shoulda done this to you a long time ago.”

“Well, I’m open for business.” Higgs said so quietly that Gene could barely hear him as his arms spread out, seemingly accepting his fate. Right before David pulled the trigger, Gene found herself instinctively leaping from the ladder, falling down towards Higgs and David. She could feel the air pulling back at her skin painfully before David looked up at the last second, only to meet Gene’s right foot kicking him at the side of the head. Both he and her went tumbling as Higgs took the opportunity to teleport around, knocking out the MULE’s and dismantling their weapons.

Gene struggled to get up, the stunt she pulled to save Higgs having knocked the wind out of her, but she had no time to waste as David quickly got up with his gun at the ready and strode over towards her. He attempted to give Gene a return kick, only to get blocked by one of her cargo holders she pulled out at the last second. Still on the ground, Gene took advantage of where she was at and grabbed a hold of David’s legs, shoving him down so he was at her level. Both of them began to wrestle each other for the gun.

Gene took several punches to the face, but managed to equally return the favor. Adrenaline kept her from stalling for too long as she eventually managed to get on top of him, pinning his body with her legs as her thumbs jabbed at his eyes, trying to dig them out. David screamed as he uncontrollably faltered around, squirming like a fish out of water while trying to shove Gene off of him. As soon as he gripped her shoulders and attempted to fling her off, Gene moved her hands and went for his throat, squeezing as hard as she could while lifting David’s head and bashing it into the nearest sharp rock nearby. Over and over she went, yelling all the while like an animal until her clothes were battered in warm blood and David’s head was a pulp of red, oozing fluids and flesh. He was still alive, but barely able to respond, right eye dangling out from the socket as Gene fell over and crawled onto her feet. She limped over to the gun and grabbed it and aimed right at the temple of David’s head as he tried to look up at her, feeling the end of barrel staring him down.

Gene was enraged and had been in similar situations before, but she couldn’t bring herself to kill the idiot. There was nothing sporting about killing a guy while he was down, regardless if a terrorist like him wouldn’t extend the same courtesy to her had the roles been switched. Gene had killed before to protect herself on delivery routes, and it wasn’t something she took lightly. There was always a time and place, and instinct told her now was not the time. Running away and getting further back from the danger was always the best option, especially for a porter.

Gene dismantled the gun, throwing the pieces around and stomping on some of the key components so it couldn’t be pieced together. Her eyes glanced about, the fog was more prominent than before and she couldn’t make heads or tails as to where Higgs and the other MULE’s went off to. A trickle of fear went down her spine as she swallowed, then heard panting coming from behind her. Higgs’s form began to emerge as the hood that covered his face was now down. He too had blood on him, splotches on his cheeks and clothes as he looked winded, like someone had knocked the air out of his stomach. Gene watched as Higgs bent forward, resting his hands on his knees while he took in deep breaths before he looked up and saw David on the ground and the damage he had taken from Gene’s attack.

“Shit, you’re a mean bitch aren’t you?” Higgs said as Gene let out a huffed laugh at the borderline compliment.

“I can be when the occasion calls for it.” Gene said proudly, her tone strained from the scuffle. She could feel the adrenaline beginning to wean some in her body.  “How are you holding up, did you take every one of them down--”

Excruciating  pain throbbed throughout Gene’s entire body as she was stunned into shock from a MULE that happened to have an electro prod on his person. The nerves in Gene’s body fired off a million miles, and she could feel her body contorting while the pulses of electricity ravaged her. It felt like a hundred hornets bit her at once and were not letting up. The pain was unbearable that her brain started to turn itself off to avoid anything further, and she felt her body collapse. The last thing Gene heard was a yell, followed by a crunching noise as she fell against something warm and could smell blood. Her ears rang as she felt her body being adjusted. She looked up towards the foggy sky, seeing Higgs looking down at her and saying something before her world went black.

Tagging: 

@kusooi​

[dailydoseofcolor]

FEH Divine Code Path Breakdown

So I am a near-launch player and am semi-F2P outside of the FEH Pass and occasional orb packs. I’m a hoarder of premium currency that isn’t orbs and I was starting to wonder what the overall return on investment a full path of Divine Codes would yield to someone who might also be a F2P hoarder. Since many F2P players who have hoarded their Divine Codes will begin hitting the 6,000 Divine Codes mark soon, I figured now was a good a time as any to look at this from a mostly fodder standpoint (no need to tell people who to go for if they’re looking specifically for merges). The final member of each path’s fodder more or less speaks for itself, so what else will you get along the way?

It’s been almost half a year since we learned what the Divine Codes were going to do, and the meta has already shifted in some ways, so I suspect this semi-analysis will be outdated by the time new paths are added.

The last obvious asterisk to all of this is that every player can and should evaluate exactly which path yields them the most usage, whether via merges or fodder. This is colored by my experience, but I’m going for objectivity.

Below is the full write-up, but here are a couple of interesting facts that I found after reviewing all of these:

Every route offers roughly 8 or 9 full skill sets, depending on what you invest in additional fodder. Radiance is the highest, but requires the most additional outside inheritance investment. 

Almost every single additional investment to make the most of your choices requires sacrificing a unit available in the Grail pool.

Every route except for Holy War includes at least one inheritable weapon. Heroes is the most at 4 inheritable weapons. The vast majority of them are powercrept or less “meta” choices, but they are super fun aesthetic weapons.

Four of the six paths will net you Swift Sparrow 2.

Only three of the thirty available units have specials that are worth inheriting. I personally view that as IS needing to increase the number of interesting specials we have. I'm tired of mostly every unit showcase having one of the same 5 specials.

It goes without saying, but IS has some very, very strange positions on what skills are considered more premium than others. But, I find that most of the routes are balanced and, true to intent, will draw different players for different reasons.

Let me know what Paths you choose! I’ll probably choose mine in the next week or so.

Awakening/Fates 

Summer Cordelia — Fallen M!Robin — Owain — Dancer Xander — Adrift M!Corrin

Summer Cordelia — It’s safe to say that S!Cordelia’s main skills are her Shell Lance+ and Dull Close 3. Neither of these are top tier fodder, but Shell Lance+ provides at least a little bit of utility with its inherit spectrum blow and Dull Close has the distinction of being a decent B Skill for physically-minded fliers. Shell Lance+ also has the aesthetic factor for many, never count that out. Dull Close 3 is only available at 4* on Cormag, so not a bad way to avoid spending grails. If you want her lance, you can also get Sturdy Blow 2 (make sure to pick up Armored Blow 1 from Gunter, Titania, Athena, or Catria). Otherwise you’re getting her lance and Dull Close 2.

Fallen M!Robin — The prize for continuing down this Path is either A) a merge for the OG Armored Dragon or B) Vengeful Fighter 3 and maybe Ward Dragons. If you’re here for the merge, you’ve already likely grabbed it. Otherwise you’re probably here for Vengeful Fighter 3. We don’t have a 4* option for Vengeful Fighter yet, so this is a solid fodder gift. For what it’s worth, the only other character with Ward Dragons is Spring Idunn. I wouldn’t blame you if you were shooting for Ward Dragons, but I’d have to ask how your Dragon Emblem team was holding up a year after the meta moved on.

Owain — The man with the hungering hand will net you Blue Flame (if you’re not considering this, I suppose I’d just be confused) and your choice of one extra ability: Atk/Def Bond, Wrath, or Spur Spd/Def 2. Theoretically, you can get Spur Spd/Def 2 and also level 1 of the other two, but that’s just dealer’s choice. Atk/Def Bond is also on Fjorm, Young Summer Tiki, New Year’s Hrid, Rutger (at 4*), Groom Hinata (at 4*), and, funnily enough, Adrift M!Corrin. Wrath is now on a cavalcade of 5* heroes and is most notably available on Astram. Wrath isn’t the premium fodder it once was, but it’s got its uses. If you’re looking for a more or less “free” Wrath without spending the grails and feathers to get Astram to 5*, then this is a pretty solid choice. Spur Spd/Def 2 is available on Oscar, just pull on Blue for a while and you’ll get it.

Dancer Xander — This is the first place in this Path where the choice for fodder is not an enviable one. Close Counter is the prize here, no doubt about that. So what do you take in addition? Dusk Uchiwa+ is a budget version of Dancer Micaiah’s Dawn Suzu and has at least some utility in AR and other modes. However, that requires choosing a dagger user that wants to be used in that way. The other (and more likely option, from my vantage point) is Quick Riposte 3. We’re 3+ years deep into this game and there’s still not a common unit with 4* QR 3, that value is hard to pass up for F2P. Another small note of commentary — it’s interested that Close Counter is considered less valuable than Distant Counter, even with no character having unconditional Close Counter built into a weapon, I’ve stopped trying to decide why IS makes the decisions it does.

Adrift M!Corrin — Finally, your grand prize for this Path is a character who just got powercrept by his own nightmare/fallen form. Null Follow-Up 3 is the jewel of this path and it makes sense — it’s still the main tried and true method for Infantry units who want to punch through those big, nasty armored units and their fighter skills. You can snag Atk/Def Bond 1 or, if you’re merging onto another infantry dragon, Hone Dragons. The only other character with Hone Dragons is Myrrh, so you’d be forgiven for pausing to consider infantry dragons that could utilize this skill. 

All in all, you get Shell Lance+ OR Dull Close 3; Vengeful Fighter 3 with potential for Ward Dragons; Blue Flame, dealer’s choice of Atk/Def Bond 3, Wrath 3, or Spur Spd/Def 2; Close Counter, Dusk Uchiwa+ OR Quick Riposte 3; Null Follow-Up 3 with potential for Hone Dragons. That’s 7 to 9 full skill sets across 5 units, which is an okay haul. 

Radiance 

 Leanne — Dancer Elincia — Lethe — Bridal Tanith — Valentine’s Greil

Leanne — Leanne might actually have the most interesting fodder of the 400 Divine Code options. But you’re likely here for one of two things: a Leanne merge or Flier Formation 3. If you’re interested in the merge, you’ve already likely grabbed it. Flier Formation 3 is only available at 4* on two grail units that are both popular in their own ways: Spring Loki and Young Minerva. As noted before, fliers don’t have access to a ton of B skills so this is a solid way to get it for “free.” Interestingly enough, Mirror Stance 2 is only available at 4* on Gharnef, so you’re spending grails for this. It’s by no means a top tier skill, but it has its uses on some builds (or, specifically, holding onto it as an easy way to get Mirror Stance 3 from Osian with a little less headache.) Finally, Hone Beasts is only available on Leanne and Lethe, who also makes an appearance on this path. You can grab both Flier Formation 3 and Hone Beasts for some special flying beastie.

Dancer Elincia — They continue to increase the difficulty of the inheritance math with Dancer Elincia. At her release, Dancer Elincia was probably the 3rd most enticing member of her banner, with her dragon-effective dagger being the main draw. Push skills were flawed and only desirable as one of the only options offensive healers got. Now, with the advent of Push 4 skills and the growth in dragon effective weapons, the calculus on Dancer Elincia’s fodder has changed. Her best fodder utility is to help you get Atk/Spd Push 4 onto the unit of your choice. If you do go the dagger route, you’ll get that and Atk/Spd Push 2. Drive Res 2 is available on Soleil, Lyon, and Summer Rhys, so you could at least get Atk/Spd Push 3 and Drive Res 1. If you’re here for her Dancer Skill in Rockslide Dance 2, you’re also getting one level one of the other two skills.

Lethe — The calculus for Lethe, on the other hand, isn’t hard at all. She’s the only character with Spd/Def Solo 3 and (as stated) one of only two characters with Hone Beasts. While it’s not the same as Atk/Spd Solo, boosting Speed by any means necessary is the name of the game for most units. Plenty of Calvary units would thank Manual Lethe for her sacrifice. Funnily enough, Lethe falls into that barrel of heroes where her base kit is mostly asynchronous, especially since she’s the one that wants the Hone Beasts buff. If you have a character in mind that can inherit all four, you’re a lucky Summoner.

Bridal Tanith — Again, they’ve decided to make the Summoner’s decision pretty hard. Getting both Lofty Blossoms+ and Swift Sparrow 2 on your favorite lance unit is nothing to sneeze at. However, you’d be forgiven for taking a few extra seconds to consider the other combinations. While Chill Attack 3 is available on 11 different units (tied with Chill Speed 3 at the time of writing), all of them have Chill Attack 3 5* locked. Gharnef and Conrad, two grail units, are the only characters that are easily obtainable, and you’ll be spending 20k feathers for the pleasure of inheriting that skill — not exactly economical. Sacrificing a 4* Gharnef or Conrad for Chill Attack 2 helps with the math, but you’ll have to make your own decision about that. If you do go that route, you can snag Chill Attack 3, Swift Sparrow 1 & 2, and Harsh Command+ (Harsh Command can be found on Clair, Gunter, and Saizo in the common pool) OR Fortify Fliers. So while this set up requires sacrificing a grail unit and a common, it’s a pretty potent combo. Fortify Flyers is available on Caeda, don’t spend 1,600 hard-earned Divine Codes on Fortify Fliers alone

Valentine’s Greil — You’ve made it to the end of this path! Your prizes are Aether and Fury 4, with some combination of Faithful Axe+ and Armor March thrown in for good measure. Ike’s heroic, if flawed, father has two skills that are excellent for Arena scoring, if that’s your thing. If that arena scoring character happens to be an axe unit, even better! You’ll get Faithful Axe+, Aether, and Fury 4 (make sure to pay homage to our Fury 3 lord, Hinata, beforehand). If these skills are destined for an armored unit, I’d suggest Fury 4 and Armor March 3. Grab a wayward infantry Chrom, stuff him full of 20,000 feathers, and Aether is yours as well. Obviously there are plenty of units that would love an Aether/Fury 4 combo and those alone are a pretty solid gift from Greil, don’t fret too much about the decision (Faithful Axe+ isn’t that great anyway).

This Path nets you the following: Flier Formation 3 or Mirror Stance 2 and potentially Hone Beasts; Atk/Spd Push 3 and Drive Res 1 OR Cloud Maiougi+ and Atk/Spd Push 2 or Drive Res 2; Spd/Def Solo 3 with potential for Hone Beasts; Lofty Blossoms 2 and Swift Sparrow 2 OR Chill Attack 3 and Swift Sparrow 1 or 2 (depending on other fodder) OR Chill Attack 3, Swift Sparrow 2, and Harsh Command+, for those willing to spend; Aether and Fury 4 with potential for either Faithful Axe+ OR Armor March. All told, this Path nets you 9 - 12 full skill sets over 5 units (with maximum inheritance investment). That’s pretty solid for people willing to make the math work. 

Blades / Sacred Stones 

Valentine’s Lilina — Amelia — Flying Nino — Winter Ephraim — Valentine’s Hector 

Valentine’s Lilina — Hector’s pride and joy’s first Alt didn’t age well. She personally pity broke me 4 times while attempting to entice her father to come home, which he never did. I’d say she was Atk Tactic 3 fodder, but Legault really has that covered. HP/Atk 2 has some utility on HP-support builds, but is available at 4* on both Valbar and Iago. Green Gift+ has Dull Ranged built in, which provides some interesting builds, but that’s all there really is to say about it. After all that…yeah, she’s Atk Tactic 3 fodder. 

Amelia — While hovering on Amelia shows you her PRF weapon in Grado Poleaxe, Amelia is also packing Slaying Axe+. She’s the only character who comes with Slaying Axe+ naturally, otherwise you’re evolving it from Beruka, Hawkeye, and Sheena. This is the default “best axe” for Axe Heroes who don’t have a PRF, so I’d actually give it a bit more weight than the original draw of Amelia — Armor March. If the intended recipient is an Armored Axe, you’ll need to choose between the two unless you want to spend 20k feathers to inherit Killer Axe+ and send it on over.

Flying Nino — She can’t read, but she sure can fly! Your likely goal here is a “free” Swift Sparrow 2, and you’re not wrong. However, Aerobatics is great for flying units and, something I’ll mention for a 3rd time on this write-up, Fliers are hurting for B-skill options. Speed Smoke is a great skill, but is available on the otherwise lackluster Chad as well as Fallen Takumi (although you’ll spend 20k feathers for it from him). You’ll need to make a not-so-fun choice between those, but Swift Sparrow fodder is becoming more available every few months, so I personally feel Aerobatics is worth more.

Winter Ephraim — I will break F2P form slightly with W!Ephraim. At the time of writing, the man who can’t be bothered to put down Siegmund in any of his alts is featured as a Hall of Forms unit. Now would be a pretty decent time (if you like him) to grab a merge and enjoy using him with some primo fodder. If not, he’s got plenty of options for the more casual Summoner. Atk/Def Solo 3 is the main draw. Only available on 4 total units, this skill is regularly coveted by those who want a little more bulk. However, Bold Fighter 3 might be more your speed. I will caution, however. Bold Fighter 3 is available on 12 unique units and that list grows every time IS wants to add an Armored Unit but can’t think of what to put in their B slot. You’ll likely find other options for it (from personal experience, Kjelle might as well change her name to be Bold Fighter Fodder). Close Guard 3 is a Sacred Seal and also available at 4* on the Death Knight. Grab it if you really want, but know you have better options.

Valentine’s Hector — He’s DC fodder. If you know you need DC fodder (which is more or less evergreen in this game), this has been your prize from the start. Pamper your favorite new unit that wants to smack others from near or far. 

Our friends from the Blazing Blade and Sacred Stones Path gets you Attack Tactic 3 OR HP/Atk 2 and Green Gift+; Slaying Axe+ and Armor March 2 OR Armor March 3; Aerobatics 3 and Swift Sparrow 2 (with investment) OR Aerobatics 3 and Speed Smoke 1 OR Swift Sparrow 2 and Aerobatics 2 etc; Atk/Def Solo 3 and Close Guard 3 (with investment) OR Bold Fighter 3 and Close Guard 3; Distant Counter. This totals to roughly 7 or 8 full skill sets across 5 units, which is the lowest return on investment so far. However, you now have Distant Counter fodder, so was it worth it? 

Holy War 

 Leif — Deirdre — Sigurd — Lewyn — Dancer Ishtar

Leif — If you’re here for his merge, take it and go and don’t look back. If you’re looking to use him for fodder well, Drive Atk 2 is your main bet. However, with proper investment from common units, you can get Steady Blow 2 and Drive Atk 2 in one fell swoop. Easy, simple, no fuss.

Deirdre — So, Gamepress has Deirdre listed as Tier 2 on their Heroes Tier list. They make some questionable recommendations, but this one is a real head scratcher. Her Res holds up well and she has decent flexibility with her Dragon effective weapons but, I just don’t see it. Regardless, you’re here for one of two things: Quick Riposte or Speed Ploy. As mentioned four Paths ago, there aren’t any 4* QR users, so a free QR that’ll save you 20k feathers is excellent. Especially considering Speed Ploy is available at 4* from Saias, a rather unremarkable Grail unit. If anything, this goes to show you that the Ploy skills really need an upgrade and also they need to spread out their skills a little more evenly, this is just ludicrous. Take QR and don’t sweat the decision.

Sigurd — Our favorite BBQ father is an example of the level of power creep that now takes place every few months. Six months ago, we were only a month removed from the inclusion of Chad — a straight to 3/4* unit that packs Speed Smoke at 4* in the hell that is pulling on colorless. Most Summoners have now had 7 months to pull on colorless and find Chad waiting for them. You maybe are here for Close Defense, because you have a pretty solid idea for stacking Close Def on the A and SS slots on a stall tank. I respect it. Also, Miracle isn’t rare, but it’s here. Take Close Def 3 or Speed Smoke 3 for fodder but, I suspect you’re here for a merge. Honestly Sigurd and Deirdre should be switched, if they were following any kind of real rarity considerations, so just thank the stars you got QR 3 1,200 Divine Codes ago. 

Lewyn — Special Spiral. Don’t even hesitate. Swift Sparrow 2 is great, and you can snag that as well if you’re judicious with your Grail sacrifices, but don’t let Odd Atk Wave 3 cloud your judgement, especially since Spring Bartre was just added to the Grail pool. It’s Special Spiral or bust.

Dancer Ishtar — One of the few dancers that can boast to have offensive utility outside of dancing, maybe you’d like a merge. Otherwise, you’re here for Swift Sparrow 3 and I don’t blame you. However, if you’re content to hoard a little longer, this skill will continue to be added on newer units that you might snag and not care for. Outside of Distant Counter, Swift Sparrow 3 is the second most available skill of the 2,000 Divine Code options. If you don’t spend them, you pretty much have enough to snag the first three options from any other Path…sometimes F2P is about quantity over quality. One last thought: if you’re particularly fond of Flier teams, Air Orders is an excellent C skill and some lucky flier could get both Air Orders 3 and Swift Sparrow 3 as new tools in their tool box.

This Path has the distinction of having only one unit that’s a seasonal, everything else is in the summoning pool. This makes it the Path I suspect the fewest people will take (as well as a testament to just how little IS seems to care for the Jugdral cast.) You’re getting Steady Blow 2 and Drive Atk 2; Quick Riposte 3 and Spd Ploy 1; Close Defense 3 and Miracle OR Speed Smoke and Miracle; Special Spiral 3 and Swift Sparrow 2 with the right move; and Swift Sparrow 3 OR Air Orders and Swift Sparrow 3, depending. That’s roughly 9 skill sets across 5 units, but I’d say the quality of those skills is lower, simply because most of this path’s units are available in the summoning pool. 

Mystery / Shadows 

Bridal Caeda — Celica — Picnic Genny — Spring Palla — Kliff

Bridal Caeda — Listen, Bridal Caeda has a nigh-useless weapon, and skills that are either borderline between useless and powercrept. You started on this path for a Bridal Caeda merge, and you likely took it months ago.

Celica — Another candidate for “you likely wanted a merge.” Distant Def 3, while 5* locked, is best used on units that can Distant Def stack (Guard Bow+ users), everyone else can just use the SS. If you’ve got a good Guard Bow+ user in mind, that’s solid fodder. Spur Def 3 is available on both Sully AND M!Robin at 4*… you have this.

Picnic Genny — Here’s where this calculus starts to get fun. The least painful decision is Toasty Skewer + and Fireflood Balm+, these are direct upgrades for most common healers (plus the aesthetic of Toasty Skewer+ is top tier). Your other options are weird, less satisfying choices of Wrathful Staff 3 and Def Opening 3. Similar to how new 5* armors get Bold/Vengeful Fighter 3 if Intelligent Systems is having a bad brain day, new 5* healers get either Wrathful/Dazzling Staff 3. Stay focused. Def Opening 3 isn’t a bad choice, but it is available on Cormag, a grail unit +20k feathers. It’s also just not as useful as Attack or Speed Opening. Your most satisfying bet is Toasty Skewer+ and Fireflood Balm+.

Spring Palla — IS is showing us that they really, really value the AR-related skills highly. For the layman, take Pegasus Carrot+ and Swift Sparrow 2 for your favorite dagger user, they deserve to be spoiled a little bit. Hone Fliers is one of those weird rarer skills that find their use on Flier teams. If that’s what you need for your barracks, no one will hold it against you. Otherwise, Armored effective items are always excellent to have for things like AA and various high-level Lunatic/Abyssal maps. If you must take Disarm Trap…I’ll leave it at that.

Kliff — I’ll actually say that, while Kliff isn’t a particularly effective unit, you gotta give IS props for trying to be creative. Fortress Def/Res 3 is your prize for finishing this Path. Make sure you inherit either Fortress Def or Res 1 from one of the various common units that possess it. Chill Speed 3 is enticing, but there are other avenues for it (or sacrifice a Panne). Enjoy your unit’s newly enhanced defenses! 

This Path really doesn’t hit its stride until the third option. All told, you’re getting Blessed Bouquet+ and Attack/Res 2; Distant Def 3; Toasty Skewer+ and Fireflood Balm+ OR Def Opening 3 OR Wrathful Staff 3; Pegasus Carrot+ and Swift Sparrow 2 OR Disarm Trap 3 and Hone Fliers; and Fortress Def/Res 3 and Chill Speed 3 (if you sacrifice a Panne). Roughly 8 or 9 full skill sets from 5 units, half of which are (debatably) not worth the cost. 

Heroes 

Spring Alfonse — Yglr — Spring Bruno — New Year’s Fjorm — Summer Laevatein

Spring Alfonse — Alfonse’s first alt hasn’t aged well, but packs a couple of useful skills, namely Giant Spoon+. The seasonal version of Wo Gun+ has aesthetic appeal for many. You can also snag Def Smoke 3 if you sacrifice a 4* Panne or Rath as well, which is a decent return on investment.

Ylgr — The only non-seasonal unit in this Path. For a while, Ylgr was one of the only source of Speed Tactic that wasn’t on a Legendary Hero and is still the only source of Sorcery Blade (both of which are now seals). Speed Tactic obviously still has use on mixed teams, but the cost is much lower with the addition of Summer Lute. Sorcery Blade, while a fun skill, is actually better as a sacred seal, allowing units to shine with an A skill as well. Chill Speed technically has wide-spread availability, but on either 5* locked units, seasonals, or Panne. The skill is usually very nice to have on a team, and I suspect most Ylgr’s pulled will be for Chill Speed.

Spring Bruno — As with Picnic Genny before, Spring Bruno’s main draw is his Ovoid Staff+, which provides solid utility to teammates, especially in longer maps like Chain Challenges or Tempest Trials. Atk/Def Push 3 was rare for a period of time before released on Heath a few months ago. Dazzling Staff is useful, but widespread, with more units packing it surely to come. Atk/Def Push 3 is the main draw for boosting other staff merge projects and will be useful to hold on to for when Atk/Def Push 4 is released on a character not named Bramimond. Either pull and wait or use him for his staff.

New Year’s Fjorm — Another unit that will make you do some major inheritance math. Fjorm packs the Kabura Ya+ bow (which has Chill Speed 3 built in) as well as Atk/Spd Bond 3, Atk/Spd Link 3, and Even Res Wave 3. Chill Speed in a weapon allows its inheritor to be one of a short list of characters able to run the Triple Chill strategy, which has significant merit. Unfortunately, going that route more or less locks you out of a full skill in addition. Atk/Spd Bond 3 is available on 11 different units, the cheapest being Bridal Louise. Sacrificing a 4* Bridal Louise will allow you to snag Atk/Spd Bond 3 as well. Atk/Spd Link 3 is even rarer, appearing only on seasonal units, none of which appear at 4 stars. Even Res Wave is slightly cheaper, being on Brave Hector, but it’s honestly a skill you can pass on. If you’re willing to spend a Bridal Louise, grabbing Kabura Ya+, Atk/Spd Bond 3 (after sacrificing Bridal Louise), and a “free” Reposition is your best bet.

Summer Laevatein — And finally, the last unit on the last route, S!Laevatein. You’re gonna grab Mirror Impact, currently a skill only available on a Legendary unit and two seasonals. If you take the time to sacrifice an Oliver, you’ll be able to snag your choice of either Def/Res Link 3 or Odd Attack Wave 3 — both of which are available at 4* on Grail units (Sigurn for Def/Res Link 3, Spring Bartre for Odd Attack Wave 3). Feel free to attempt to snag Buoyboard+ as well for the aesthetic, but you’re better off with other tomes. All in all, dealer’s choice! 

As stated, this route has the distinction of only having one non-seasonal unit and provides a decent amount of variety. You’ll get Giant Spoon+ and Def Smoke 3 (with Panne/Rath sacrifice) OR Sturdy Blow 2 and Def Smoke 3 with common sacrifice from someone like Athena; Sorcery Blade 3 OR Chill Speed 3 OR Speed Tactic by themselves OR Chill Speed 3 and your choice of the others with a Panne sacrifice; Ovoid Staff+ and Atk/Def Push OR Wrathful Staff 2, or one of those fully and a Martyr+ to avoid other feather costs; Kabura Ya+ and Atk/Spd Bond 3 (with Bridal Louise sacrifice) OR Atk/Spd Link 3 with Atk/Spd Bond 3, thanks to Bridal Louise’s sacrifice; and Mirror Impact and Def/Res Link 3 OR Odd Attack Wave 3 with Oliver sacrifice. All in all, you’re looking at 8 or 9 full skill sets across 5 units, which is an average return, but the variety in these skills is slightly higher due to the number of seasonals and Ylgr having a strangely high number of desirable skills. 

If you made it this far, thanks for sticking with me. I hope some people found this helpful!

[casino-malaysia-blog]

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[homespork-review]

Homespork Act 1: The Note Dawdling Tension Plays (Part 1)

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, 2009, is this young man's birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

CHEL: Here we see the first page, and are introduced to our protagonist, ZOOSMELL POOPLORD! Sorry, I mean John Egbert. The joke names used as a running gag, and also the actual names which end up applied to the characters, were the suggestions of the players of the original forum game.

BRIGHT: Homestuck does start out strongly in several ways. It immediately establishes the protagonist and location. It sets the tone it will use, one based heavily on a text adventure computer game. It introduces the reader to the inventory system...

And here the first feature of Homestuck becomes apparent: although a hugely popular and widely known webcomic, it is very slow to get going. The new reader who arrives on the recommendation of others ends up scratching their head and wondering if they’re in the right place.

TIER: In ancient times (so somewhere in 2014/15) I actually attempted to read Homestuck to see what the occasional weird noises the name caused were going on about. I'm very certain that I didn't even make it to meeting any of the other kids I was so bored.

CHEL: Same here. It took me two or three attempts to get to that point. The problem is that the intro is left over from its days as a forum game, in which no one was expecting it to lead into the epic story it became. It worked great for that format, but less well now. And here we start on our first counts.

GET ON WITH IT!: 1 HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 2

How Not to Write a Novel lists multiple errors which could be said to apply here:

The Waiting Room - wherein the story is too long delayed Here the writer churns out endless scenes establishing background information with no main story in sight. On chapter 3, the reader still has no idea why it’s important to know about [the background info, in this case how badly John fails at using technology]. By chapter 7, the reader would be having strong suspicions that it isn’t important, were a reader ever to make it as far as chapter 7. Zeno’s Manuscript - in which irrelevant detail delays narrative momentum Any scene can be killed by description of every meaningless component of whatever action the character undertakes. As in Zeno’s Paradox, in which an arrow never reaches its target because it must always travel half the remaining distance, the reader begins to feel as if the end is further and further away.

A comic about a kid failing to master a video game inventory system is mildly amusing once, but not when it drags on this long, and it’s not particularly fitting for an epic adventure involving the fate of universes. Well, that’s not quite fair; introduction to mundane life and slow revelation of the magical goings-on works fine for books like the Harry Potter series. But, to take Philosopher’s Stone as an example, multiple different odd things happen over the course of Uncle Vernon’s regular boring day, increasing in scale until it’s very clear something strange is going on, and establishing multiple aspects of the wizarding world, e.g. owls, their fashion, the existence and disappearance of a mysterious villain, the fact that the wizarding world is supposed to be secret.

John fucking about with his sylladex and putting up movie posters for page after page doesn’t tell us anything new. Failing to use the sylladex once would be enough to get the point that magical video game inventories are a thing in this world and John’s not very good at using them across, and then we really ought to move on, and we can already see the posters on his walls so we don’t need to see him hanging more. Possibly we could have needed the latter in a purely text format where we couldn’t see the walls, or in a comic without text description at the bottom where attention would need to be drawn to them on-panel. Admittedly, it does establish him picking up the hammer, which becomes relevant, but we don’t need a full page each for both the action of him picking up the hammer and the action of him hanging the poster.

… Who hangs a poster with nails, anyway? His walls must be in a hell of a state.

For that matter, that’s another HNTWAN entry or two:

The Second Argument in the Laundromat - a scene which occurs twice NEVER use two scenes to establish the same thing. We do not, under any circumstances, want a series of scenes in which the hero goes to job interviews but fails to get the job, or has a series of unsuccessful dates to illustrate bad luck in love. This works in the movies, where three scenes can pass in thirty seconds, but not in a novel. The Redundant Tautology - wherein the author repeats himself If you have made a point in one way, resist the temptation to reinforce it by making it again. Do not reexpress it in more flowery terms, and do not have the character reaffirm it in dialogue […] This point is worth repeating; don’t reiterate. HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 4

Additionally, people with a lower tolerance for “lovable clumsy dork” characters are going to come to hate John before the comic’s even started, though it’s probably best that people who are going to hate the main character learn that quickly so they can leave. I can understand not wanting to lose the forum game which originally spawned the comic, the other people involved would probably not be pleased, but perhaps it would be better saved as a side story and trimmed down when the comic proper was released. At least they could be compressed down by showing multiple failures and multiple poster-hanging actions on single pages.

One other minor gripe might be the neologisms, such as “sylladex” meaning inventory. I found it fairly easy to pick up and it does make the tone and narration nicely distinctive, but it’s a level of extra complication. How Not to Write a Novel has a couple points on excessively baroque wordplay - do you guys think it’s worth giving it a point for that?

BRIGHT: Possibly not in this case - wordplay is a feature of HS and this one is at least made fairly clear. There are plenty of offenders later on as I recall though...

CHEL: Okay, seems fair. In this case it is more of a feature than a bug. It does establish the narrative voice and add to the video game theme. However, the movie posters also bring up an addition to our third count.

Plus, a black president? Now you’ve seen everything! WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 1

A reference to the song “White Suburb Impressionism”, by IAMX…

"IAMX - 'White Suburb Impressionism" (Watch on YouTube)

… this count goes up whenever characters behave in a way which suggests they’re, well, white and suburban (or wealthier), despite any attempts to present them otherwise. This would have passed without comment, but Hussie later tried to claim he’d always intended the kids to be “aracial”, so any reader could project themselves or their preferred headcanons onto the kids. As we’ll show you, we don’t believe him, or at least don’t believe he succeeded. That would probably be difficult to pull off, anyway. Race affects a lot more than features on a stylised sprite.

FAILURE ARTIST: Now, I can’t quite put my finger on it but John’s and Dave’s opinion on black presidents in movies (that it’s a gimmick ruined by Obama’s election) feels like something that would only come out of a white mouth i.e. Andrew Hussie’s. Not the most egregious case of implied whiteness but still worth noting.

CHEL: The point of the joke here is not 100% clear, and that’ll be a thing which comes up later as well. See, I agree that’s Dave’s opinion, but I thought the point was that John genuinely didn’t know there was a black president at the time of writing because he’s already been established to be not exactly a genius and so far he’s been focused on movies and video games instead of real life. Maybe I’m underestimating him, though, since admittedly not very much of him has been shown at this point and it’s been a while since I read the whole thing. I’m not going to start using the ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY count here, though, because here Hussie clearly was trying to be funny. It just isn’t clear to me what about it was supposed to be funny. That’s probably my autism talking, though. Jokes are hard. I agree that it sounds like a white kid’s opinion either way - even the dimmest black American kid would know Obama existed, and so most likely would non-black people of colour.

Anyway! Things pick up a bit when John, under the username ectoBiologist, starts chatting to the second character to be introduced, currently known as turntechGodhead, though the second topic of conversation is a reference to a 1989 movie which, as time goes on, will be familiar to fewer and fewer readers. Luckily, the writer realises this, and the content of the conversation makes the reference sufficiently clear without falling into As You Know dialogue.

FAILURE ARTIST: Namely, their conversation is about a scene where - pardon me for being gross but it’s in the comic - a character accidentally ingests urine instead of apple juice. John and TG are surprised the character knew it was urine but I find it weird that someone with working smell would not know what it is. Urine has a distinct odor.

CHEL: Well, be fair. According to the drawings, the characters in question don’t have noses!

FAILURE ARTIST: On a more pertinent note, this conversation is an edited version of one Hussie and a friend had. Perhaps Hussie was TG? TG is practically an Author Avatar for Hussie. Sure, Hussie literally appears in the comic later, but TG seems to fit his true personality better. We’ll see how that affects things for better or for worse.

BRIGHT: This is also the reader’s introduction to the Pesterlog. This is one of those things that seems like it should be out of place in a webcomic - it’s just a page of two people talking to each other in chatlog format, with no other information - but the Pesterlogs actually work surprisingly well.

FAILURE ARTIST: When I first read Homestuck, I didn’t know you had to click on the Pesterlog to open it. I just sat around wondering what amazing conversations they were having. I’m not the only one I think who made that mistake.

CHEL: Yeah, I think I briefly had the same problem, but I don’t remember for sure. Possibly more attention could be drawn to the button.

TIER: I would've probably ended up in the same boat if the friends that recommended I read Homestuck didn't specifically tell me not to accidentally overlook them!

CHEL: That’s not exactly a writing error, so I’m not sure it falls under our jurisdiction, but it’s a point that ought to be brought up. The Pesterlogs do work well once the reader actually sees them, anyway. It’s actually pretty interesting to see how much information can be conveyed in a conversation without falling into As You Know Bob. Let’s check what points are introduced in this first one, for example:

- John really loves what he got for his birthday, a Little Monsters poster. From this we know he’s not spoiled (this is how you do it, Meyer) and easily entertained, and likely has a good home life, as he’s so happy and grateful about a gift from his dad.

-turntechGodhead has apple juice in his closet. This establishes his odd home life, and gets explained in more detail later.

- Some things about the personalities of both kids. John is enthusiastic and a joker, TG is mellower, sarcastic, rambles a bit, and at least plays at being cool.

- John really wants to play the SBURB Beta, a game mentioned earlier which is late being released. TG is less keen, again trying to be cool about it.

- Said game got “slammed” by critics, despite the fact that we learned earlier from John’s SBURB-logo calendar that this game has been hyped to hell and back and must be popular, with merchandise and reviews being released before even the beta version of the game is out. Something weird is going on; someone really wants a lot of people to play this game.

Not bad considering a total lack of body language reference or narration. Das Sporking’s seen authors using traditional narration do worse!

FAILURE ARTIST: The (adult) critics of Game Bro get into shenanigans that prevent them from playing the game they reviewed. Perhaps there’s something in the game that prevents itself from being played by adults, just like how adults can’t pilot Evangelions in the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion.

CHEL: Not sure. Doesn’t one of Dad’s online friends play it, or at least get caught up in it, later on? Though that part’s obviously supposed to be a joke… Maybe instead it’s a built-in way to stop anyone who might be listened to warning others what it does?

As established earlier, said beta is late; this is a reference to the originally planned launch date of the comic, three days before it actually ended up being released. Also, there’s a pun you may have missed in the background. The programming files on John’s desktop include the phrase “^CAKE”. The ^ symbol is called a carot. Get used to noticing those. It’s pretty amazing how many references, self-references, puns, and recurring themes are worked in, and people such as revolutionaryduelist have made semi-careers picking them all out. We won’t bother with all of them or we’ll be here all century, but we’ll pick up on any obvious ones.

FAILURE ARTIST: Hussie majored in computer science so there’s lot of computer science in-jokes in the beginning.

BRIGHT: Something I just noticed: One of the other files on John’s desktop is ‘TYPHEUS’. It even has a Denizen icon! Probably something that has been brought up plenty of times before, but still nifty on a reread.

CHEL: Typheus and Denizens will come up later in the comic.

TIER: When he feels like it, Hussie is immensely good at foreshadowing later events in pretty subtle but solid ways. It's stuff like this that makes times when he does fumble look worse than they probably are in comparison.

[acertaincritic]

Various Donghua Reviews

I watched or tried to watch a whole bunch of donghua in the past few weeks, and since I see little discourse on this type of animation, I decided to compile them into a list with my short opinions attached. If you are toying with the idea of watching this or that Chinese animation, check out below for both recommendations and a couple of no-no series ^.^”

First things first, some notes. “Wuxia” is a popular genre in Chinese media, based off martial arts, and most often it strays into fantasy territory (from what I’ve seen, at least). It comes with a set of already established tropes and world building details. Think about Western fantasy - when you see elves in it, you don’t have to be told what they are. There are variations, but generally elves = pointed ears + beautiful + magical, and everybody knows that. Wuxia has similar things that do not get explained in every story, so it might feel overwhelming at first, though many translators do try to explain them in the notes. Just for the sake of those who want to know before starting watching, here’s what might make your life easier:

Cultivators - people a little like mages, except they have flying swords and generally are well-versed in martial arts. Usually their purpose is to battle evil supernatural beings. In some stories they are ageless (as in, they don’t grow old) and very hard to kill, in others it’s toned down. Above a certain level, they often train by remote meditation.

Golden Core/Core Formation - sth like the source of their power?... Not exactly, but they have to form it through training if they want to use advanced techniques. It’s situated somewhere between chest and belly, I suck at anatomy, don’t kill me.

Paper talismans  - rectangular pieces of paper that are amazingly easy to toss at your enemies. Used for casting spells, easy to understand just by watching. Also if they seem to be glued to sth, then they usually serve as a seal of some kind.

Various demons/spirits/other magical beings - gosh, there’s a ton. TBH I don’t even know if some aren’t completely made-up by the authors for the sake of their stories. Generally be ready that a new demon/beast/something can jump out from every corner, and the characters are going to know what it is, while you don’t. Resentful energy seems to often be tied to them, as in, it’s what often fuels them.

All right, without further ado, here’s what I’ve tried already. The list is more or less in the order of recommendation, aka from those I liked best to those that I didn’t like at all.

Title: Mo Dao Zu Shi / The Grandmanster of Demonic Cultivation

Throughline: The supposed villain of the cultivators’ world gets reincarnated into an adult’s body 13 years after his death. Things escalate from there.

My take: 

+ my entry point into donghua.

+ I was hesitant to watch because of the BL tag, but there really is no need to get scared by it. There’s plot proper, well-developed characters, both main and side, and overall this clearly is a fantasy series with a romance rather than a romance with fantasy setting.

+ beautiful art and great animation with only sparse moments when CGI looks kinda clanky.

+ wonderful music, too.

+ honestly though, I’ve been on a low when I came across it and was brought back to life. It’s been a long, long time since I fangirled over a series so much.

+ if you follow my blog you must’ve already seen about it.

+ Just give it a try, OK?

- some things in the beginning are not clearly explained and many names get tossed in at once; especially if you don’t know any Chinese, they might all sound the same. The characters also all have long black hair and bishe faces. I recommend first checking them online and memorizing at least the main casts, it really makes watching it much easier - focus on the bangs and clothes, and try to remember their names. Or you can always rewatch the beginning after you get better at recognizing who is who.

- the cut to flashbacks is confusing, as it happens at the very end of episode 2. Then episodes 3 to 14.5 take place in the past - another thing that’s not super clear and worth keeping in mind.

Title: Di Wang Gong Lue / The Emperor’s Strategy

Throughline: The Emperor and his loyal noble ally take on many problems that befall the country.

My take:

+ This is the closest series to “Mo Dao Zu Shi” I found so far, though there aren’t that many specific similarities. Only the overall ‘feel’ is similar.

+ Also tagged BL, but TBH, if I didn’t know about it before watching, I still wouldn’t know it.

+ The relationship between the two main characters is like, funny and cute at the same time.

+ Politics and fantasy intertwined.

+ Also a lot of interesting side characters, though maybe they could’ve been given more screen time.

+ great character designs and music.

- animation. It looks like anime from around the year 2000, even though the series came out in 2018.

- some flashback stuff seems really cheesy. There’s not a lot of it, thankfully.

- the first three or four episodes aren’t very engaging. I got invested around episode 5, though as you see, the beginning isn’t so terrible that you can’t wade through it.

Title: Mi Yu Xing Zhe / Uncharted Walker

Throughline: A group of people are put on a tropical island, forced to play an escape game under extreme circumstances.

My take:

+ an interesting set of characters with various backgrounds, most of them likable or at least understandable.

+ despite the setup, it’s not as bloody as many similar series. Characters can die, but they don’t die that often, which really builds tension and keeps you on the edge of the seat, because when there’s a close-to-death moment, you never know if it’s one when the character will really die or when they get rescued last-minute.

+ there is a very strong “game” feeling to this, where characters generally have to figure out how to use their resources to overcome various obstacles.

+ some psychological stuff here and there.

+ very good animation and designs.

-/+ there are borderline supernatural elements, though generally playing pretend at scientific. I personally don’t mind it, but some people might be put off or disappointed.

- it turns much more creepy in the last 3 or so episodes, to the point that it becomes more of a horror than a survival and mystery story. Even worse, the horror stuff comes in a setup that’s pretty realistic, so I have flashback ‘till this day (I don’t like horrors, and being realistic makes it much worse). TBH if I knew, I’d probably resign from watching, because as much as I enjoyed everything up until that part, the creeps aren’t worth it... However, perhaps you like horrors better than I do.

- a HUGE cliffhanger at the end. But like, HUUUUUGE HUGE.

Title: Shuangsheng Lingtan /  Twin Spirit Detectives

Throughline: Twin brothers take on cases of supposed supernatural phenomena, bent on proving that they are not real - only that one of them appears to be a ghost himself...

My take:

+ interesting setup.

+ detective stuff - I have a soft spot for mysteries.

+ likable main characters and a few well-developed side characters, too.

+ animation is overall quite good.

+ has a solid arc, though with an open ending and kinda a cliffhanger about a side character at the end.

-/+ bordering on the supernatural territory again.

- horror elements, but thankfully, this time they aren’t that realistic.

- some things in the first few episodes feel rushed or not properly developed (apparently the issue is with the donghua adaptation, and the original manhua had a slower beginning).

Title: Quan Zhi Gao Shou /  The King’s Avatar

Throughline: The top player of “Glory” is forced to give up his account and retire for a year. What will he do now?

My take:

+ a decent setup, though it gets old quickly.

+ a large cast of interesting character with various strengths and weaknesses and strongly-defined personalities.

+ great art style and characters’ design.

+ great animation during fights.

- the main character. Just. I’ve rarely encountered such a Gary Stue, I really wish I could see him lose for real. Like, I’m OK with him beating noobs, that’s realistic, but he doesn’t stop even after other pros come into play.

- the plot seems generally directionless so far, and gets tiring easily.

- originally I was supposed to binge-watch it with friends as a series none of us knew beforehand, but we gave up after 6 episodes and I switched it to MDZS instead. I finished it alone later, and mostly for the sake of the side characters and animation.

- it is generally watchable, but like, far from best.

This point marks the end of series I watched whole. The following are series I dropped after 5-6 episodes (which I consider a fair amount).

Title: Ling Qi / Spritpact

Throughline: A guy dies and is given an ultimatum - to pass away or become a spirit companion of a demon-battling, Korean priest.

My take:

+ setup and world building. This seems just like the kind of fantasy that fits my taste.

+ ...character design is not terrible, I guess?

+ apparently the animation gets better in season 2.

+ the demon-battling priest seems like a character archetype I might like.

+/- TBH this series wasn’t tragic, I may still go back to it one day, if I really feel like it. The idea has potential and the plot probably gets better later, I just wasn’t able to prevail until then.

- animation in the first season is kinda meh. Could be worse, but it still doesn’t please. Don’t let the marvelous poster above deceive you!

- the main character. He’s so whiny, I was unable to stand him. He’s the main reason I dropped this, and I honestly have no idea if he gets any better later.

Title: Quanzhi Fashi / Full-Time Magister

Throughline: Three months after a guy gets transported into a magic-filled alternative reality, he struggles to get into magic school to become the best mage and get a lot of money for his family.

My take:

+ setup/world building again hit a soft spot in my fantasy-loving heart.

+ ...I’ve seen some fragments from season 2, apparently animation is good there.

- I hated the MC of QZGS, but he at least had half a reason to be so unrealistically OP. This guy here... he’s a new low... Basically “How to Write a Gary Stu?” example. Like. C’mon. You can have an OP cool protagonist without making them a GS.

- despite the potentially interesting premise, this is as simplistic as it could be. The MC is ridiculed, but he turns out to be super powerful with talent for not just one, but two most rare elemental magics. He gets bullied - then he shows off how much better he is than the bully during magic exams, stunning everybody. One of the Big Bad Rich Guys tries to recruit him - he flat-out refuses in a infuriatingly arrogant manner. Etc. etc.

- Characters are as deep as a puddle during drought.

- Look, there’s a set of tropes that are generally laughed at in this type of premise, like the MC having an OP secret power, getting put down by everybody to an unrealistic degree etc. Here they are played painfully straight, and there’s nothing more to the story. Absolutely nothing, not a single interesting character or plot thread. I kept watching for so long hoping that something would turn up, but it didn’t.

- animation in season 1 is pretty bad.

That would be all for my donghua experience so far. I had many ups, though I guess some salt pits were unavoidable +_+