#(i wasn't on tumblr for so long this is like the first ask i've gotten in ages so thanks pal!

[soaps-mohawk]

I'm going to be honest

I'm having a genuinely hard time making this post. I've been fighting with it for a couple weeks now, but I think it's time I finally make it.

I'm not having fun on this blog anymore.

It sounds bad, but honestly, it kind of is.

I think a lot of it started from the very beginning with the precedence and expectations I put on myself. I've always tried to respond to every comment I get. Even from the beginning. It's just a polite thing to do since those who leave comments took the time to write out what they think of my fic, even if it's just a keysmash. I've always felt the need to thank those who leave comments or reblog my writing or (now that tumblr has it) replied to my fics. It worked fine before because none of my fics were particularly popular. Even my most popular fic (at that time) didn't get as much attention as CRCB has. I've never had a "big blog" before, nor a fic as popular as CRCB has gotten.

It was fine at first, responding to everyone, engaging with everyone. I was riding that high of omg so many people are reading and enjoying my fic! I've never had anything quite like this before.

Now...it just feels more like a chore. I set this precedence on this blog that I respond to everyone and I know a lot of people have said that they're surprised I responded to them and to everyone, and now I'm getting why a lot of writers don't. I'm exhausted. I feel like I've just been robotically saying the same thing over and over trying to respond to people now. I used to love seeing asks in my inbox and reblogs and replies but now? All I feel is dread because I have to respond to all of those.

Turning anon off was a big help. It lessened the sheer volume of asks I was getting a day. And while I do feel bad for all of my anons who prefer to stay anons, with everything that happened (the multiple incidents) with anon that kind of started to suck the joy out of everything. That paired with the obsessive need to constantly have my inbox cleared and make sure everyone gets a response...I can understand now too why big blogs will have 200+ asks in their inbox. It's hard and it's exhausting and I'm burning out.

First it was the fic that was burning me out. Things have gone on far longer than I planned and I just wasn't prepared for this fic to go on and for a while there it was dragging. I'll admit that. If I could go back, I'd speed up a few things, but it's done, it's posted there's no going back. I kind of hoped I would have the mental capacity to upload more than once a week too, but I just couldn't. I still can't.

I've come to dread posting chapters because I know I'm going to have to reply and respond to everyone. The only thing keeping me posting is the fact that we're in the part of the story I've been excited about since the beginning and also because I keep leaving everyone on cliffhangers and I love torturing y'all with all of them.

So that being said, this is in no way to shame anyone for interacting with me, anyone leaving comments or replies or sending asks. Don't feel bad about doing it please. I appreciate all of you that have engaged with me and it really means so much to me. Honestly, earlier this year, if I didn't have this fic and everyone on this blog, I might not have made it to now. It's been a really rough year and it's still going to be into next year. It's just getting to the point where I need a break.

I've needed a break for a long time. I thought taking days off the blog would help, and it did for a couple of weeks, but now even on the days I'm supposed to be on the blog and engaging, I just find myself queueing stuff up and just being offline most of the day still.

I'm tired. That's the best reason I can give. I'm tired and burned out on life and I'm tired and burned out on this blog.

So...I think I need a break. I need to not keep responding to every single reply and reblog every chapter. I need to not force myself to answer every ask right away, no matter how much I want to. I feel bad, but I know everyone would rather have me here and enjoying the blog than forcing myself to interact to the point where I'm dreading it and just robotically repeating myself over and over with every reply and answer and comment.

I won't be pausing the fic, I won't be not uploading. I'll still be posting chapters, I just might not be interacting as much as I have been. It's just putting such a mental strain on me still, even with anon off, even with days off. And with things getting busier for me, it's going to be too much to try and deal with irl stuff and write and try to be super active on the blog. There's going to come a point where I have to sacrifice the writing or the blog and I'd rather sacrifice the blog to keep myself sane, and also to keep trying to finally get this fic done. I love this fic, don't get me wrong, but I'm just burning out.

I'm already burned out in a lot of ways.

I was planning kinktober this year but honestly I'm considering not doing it because I know interaction is going to be insane and it's going to be a lot to keep up on. Plus trying to write that many fics is hard and I'm not sure I have the ability to do it. I have a few done but now I'm just like...is that something I want to do on top of irl stuff and CRCB.

There's just no joy in it anymore. It's not anyone's fault but mine. I put the pressure on myself, I held myself to that standard for this long despite the fact I knew it was draining me. I've tried to push through when I should have prioritized myself. I feel so guilty not responding to everyone. I feel so guilty being a day or two late responding to everyone.

I want to be here and interacting and responding to things but I just can't bring myself to anymore. It's no one's fault, and this is not a drag on anyone, or an attempt to make anyone feel bad or guilty for interacting or sending asks or anything. I'm just airing out the truth and saying what I need to say because I feel like I've been so robotic and lifeless with my responses these last couple weeks and I feel like I need to explain why. It's nothing anyone has done. It's my fault. It's 100% my fault.

Things have just gotten to be too much and it's my fault for forcing myself to be so active. The social battery has dropped into the negatives. I'm not a social person. I can only handle so much interaction and I've pushed so far beyond that, that things have gotten to this point. I want to be here and I want to have fun and I want to use this as an escape but I just don't feel that way about it anymore. It's a chore for me, a job, something I feel like I have to do and it's my fault that I feel that way. It's my own standards and expectations I set on myself, and my expectations on what I think my followers want and deserve and now I feel like I've gone on too long like this that I can't change things without hurting anyone's feelings. I don't want people to think I'm ignoring them in favor of others because I know there's writers out there that do that. They only respond to a certain group and ignore others that comment and reblog. I don't want to make anyone feel like I'm doing that to them and that's now led me to here.

I'm forcing it and I'm tired.

It's been hard these last few weeks. The life has just been draining and draining continuously. The joy and the love I have for this blog and my followers and the interactions and the fic. The last anon bullshit that happened was just kind of the last nail in the coffin so to speak. The straw that broke the camel's back. Things stopped being fun. It made me feel bad (and not in the guilty way, though that was a part of it) and I'm honestly just over it. I'm over the blog, I'm over interacting, I'm over life at this point. August is a hard month for me and every year it seems to get worse and worse. A lot of it is unrelated to anything online and I was going to make a post about it but honestly I just don't want to. Those that know, know. Those that don't...it doesn't matter.

I'm getting annoyed by the blog, I'm getting annoyed every time I look in my notifications and see an ask or a reply or a comment. I'm getting annoyed by some of my followers and that's not fair to you. Everyone always talks about how nice and kind and patient I am when I'm really not. I'm not the person I present myself to be on this blog, the way I mask myself so I can present myself as being a normal, kind human being. The mask is coming off because I'm so tired I can't keep it up anymore. It's happening here and it's happening in real life. I'm tired and I'm frustrated and I'm angry at a lot of things and the last thing I want is to start taking it out on my followers. You don't deserve that, especially when it's not your fault, it's nothing any of you have done. It's all me.

It's not you, it's me.

So for the sake of not burning this whole thing to the ground, I'm going to take a break. I'm not replying to everyone, I'm not responding to every reblog, I won't reply to every ask I get right away, if at all because sometimes I just don't have anything to say in response and I need to learn that's okay. It's nothing against you. It's not aimed at anyone specifically, I'm just trying to put myself first and stop things from escalating. I need a break and I'm going to do something selfish and I'm going to take it.

Don't apologize because it's not your fault. Don't apologize because you think you might have contributed to this because you didn't. It is no one's fault but my own.

I'm the one that needs to apologize to all of you because I've just not been myself because I've been forcing myself to be someone I'm not. I've been very unfair to a lot of people over the last seven months that this blog has been active and I've held a precedent that is not sustainable in the long run and made everyone believe that I was capable of maintaining that kind of interaction when I'm not.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been putting everyone through this. I'm sorry I've been so detached and robotic and ingenuine. I'm sorry I led everyone to believe I'm someone I'm not. I'm sorry I've dragged this on this long that it's gotten to the point that I have to make this post.

I considered just disappearing but that wouldn't be fair to you either. I don't want to put you through that, so I'm pouring all of my thoughts out and making you read through this fucking novel of a post. If you've made it this far, then congrats I guess. Gold metals to you who bothered reading this far.

Anyway, all of that aside, I'll still be posting chapters. I'll have them scheduled and I'll probably come on and add links places to keep things current. I'll respond and reply and answer asks when I feel like it. You don't have to stop sending them, but just don't expect them to be responded to right away anymore. I'll probably still be here reblogging things I want and doing things when I feel like it.

I just need a few weeks to myself. Time I don't have to care about the blog at all and keeping up with it. Anon will remain off for the sake of keeping asshole trolls away, and also so I don't open tumblr and have 200 asks in my inbox after a week. Sorry to my anons but it's just the way it needs to be right now. Maybe once this break is over and I've dealt with irl stuff, I'll consider putting it back on. I just can't after everything I dealt with recently on anon.

It'll be the same on Ao3, for those that follow here and read there. Comments will probably sit for a while. They won't be answered right away anymore unless I get the energy to burn through them. Even then I won't try to answer them all at once like I did this last weekend.

I'll try to reblog something every day so y'all know I'm alright. I don't want y'all to panic and it's not fair to put you through that, especially those that might not see this or bother reading it. Those that follow simply for the fic and nothing else. I'm here, I'm just not...here.

This week's chapter is in the queue to be posted tomorrow as usual. Chapters will still come out as planned since I'm not stopping writing, just taking a break from the blog itself.

Thank you those of you who stuck through to the end here. I appreciate all of you so much. You have no idea. I'm sorry I let things get to this point and I'm sorry to anyone that I've gotten rude or snappy with because I couldn't be selfish and put myself first. I'm sorry to anyone that got a robotic, repeated response to something they were probably excited to share. I'm sorry I've been so unfair to everyone and I hope you can forgive me.

Take care and I'll talk to everyone when I have the energy to.

[nothorses]

You've made a lot of really great posts about transmasc experiences and struggles, and they really resonate with me! So I guess I want to in complete earnest ask: why the push for 'transandrophobia' when anti-transmasculinity as a term has been around for longer and faces little friction by comparison? I don't really *dislike* transandrophobia, but its meaning gets muddied everywhere from different directions, while ATM is pretty direct and succinct I feel. It's very clear that it's about TRANSmasculine oppression. I'm not against having a dedicated term at all, but the content of our struggles gets lost in the weeds of attaching kind of understandably divisive terms like misandry and androphobia in an attempt to mirror a phenomenon very specifically about misogyny; it seems more trouble than it's worth considering ATM is right there

I'll be honest, this ask is confusing to me for a few reasons.

When I started talking about transandrophobia around the summer of 2020, the conversations I was encountering were very much, like, a handful of people across Twitter and Tumblr (literally, a handfull!). I picked up "transandrophobia" because it was one of two words I saw in use, and the other- "transmisandry"- felt much less clear and much more contentious. It seemed super obvious to me that people would draw a line from "men's rights activists" trying to push this idea that "misandry", as a systemic oppression of men by women, to "transmisandry", and assume some ill intent where there was none. It's confusing!

"Transandrophobia" was the better of two options being floated at the time, at least in any conversation I saw. "Anti-transmasculinity" was not really a term I'd been made aware of, if anyone at all was talking about it at the time.

I have seen people pick up "anti-transmasculinity" more recently (maybe in the last year?), and this is definitely the first I've seen someone shorten it to "ATM". The people I've seen use that term have been mostly people who seem really new to the conversation, and the vibe I've gotten has been very, like, "we're the Good Transmascs, our word isn't dirty and gross like those other Bad Transmascs everyone hates. you'll listen to us now that our word is Good and Pure, right?"

Which is like... kind of frustrating, and kind of sad, honestly. I think these people honestly believe that if they just choose the right word, all the people who've been dragging me and every other transmasc talking about these issues through the mud for the last 4 years or so will really just stop & listen. If they can just say it right, these people- who have been relentlessly harassing and spreading lies about every single transmasc who came before them for years now- will care what they have to say, and will be willing to engage with them in earnest, compassionate dialogue.

If you just find the right word, all of these people will care about your hurt, your pain, and the suffering of your community.

It kind of breaks my heart. It's an incredibly hopeful, kind, loving way to view the world. It's compassion and patience and forgiveness that these folks are not being given, but that they so badly want to offer to others.

And at the same time, it sucks to be the Bad Transmasc. It sucks to have fought so hard for so long, and for the people I've been fighting for all this time to turn around and say, "you're gross, and dirty, and evil, and everything you've done is a mistake." It sucks to see the people I've been fighting for agree with the people I've been fighting against, and shove me under the bus in an effort to appeal to the people running me over with it. Knowing that the bus is going to aim for them once it's done with me just makes it sadder, yknow?

@saint-speaks wasn't the first person to ever speak the word "transandrophobia", but he is the one who coined and popularized it in its current form. And then he was dragged through the mud so hard and so brutally that some people think I coined it, just because when I defended him (too little and too late, imo) I withstood the mud-dragging better than he did (and gee, I wonder white.)

And now people take for granted that everything everyone said about hymn to justify that frankly fucking evil harassment campaign was true, actually, and we should abandon the word he coined and find one with purer origins.

If you honestly think "anti-transmasculinity" is just a more practical word, that's fine. I don't care what word we use. But they're going to cover it in mud, too. They're going to cover every one of you in mud.

Will you keep fighting for "ATM" once they make it the new dirty, gross, bad, evil word? Will you keep fighting when they drag you and everyone else through the mud for using it? Or will you agree with them, make up a new word, and never look back?

Please don't let us drown in the mud. We've been fighting for you, and we want to fight with you. Please.

[ellequarius]

How I Manifested $50k USD

Hi!!! I'm gonna tell you guys how i manifested $50,000 for my dad. So basically my dad had a bunch of credit card debt because he wasn't getting paid very well at his job. This had been going on for a couple months and he had racked up at least $7,000 on his credit card. He brought it up a lot and we'd have to start budgeting and stuff. Anyways a few days ago i wanted my hair done and my dad said we couldn't afford it. This deeply annoyed me for like two days but then i was like "wait, I could just manifest him some money." I've never really manifested large amounts of money like this purely because of limiting beliefs that i've had. Anyways i picked the first number that came into mind, $50k. I was in class at the time and was bored out of my mind and i was just like "fuck it." So i affirmed 3 times that my dad has received 50k and went on about my day, i affirmed any chance i remembered too and i think on the 3rd or 2nd day I woke up one morning and i heard my dad cheering and practically jumping for joy. Now mind you it was like 5am and i had only gotten like 5 hours of sleep (it was midterms week) and I was a little tired and i wondered why he was so happy and i thought to myself "oh must be the money i manifested him". Since then there's been no mention of the credit card debt, and when i asked him to bring me to get my hair done he said yes with no other comments! (im actually getting my hair done as i write this!) I saw his Bank of america transactions and that he received the exact amount that i affirmed for! Now idk if taxes is gonna take some of that money away but I am very proud of myself.

Sorry if this post was really long, I haven't posted on this blog for awhile but i promise i will be more active!! I also listened to adambjas "I am in control" tape a lot and this one https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yeGwSoOmOt4fUIG-wAzXJSBOcCoTLQvd/view?pli=1 , which I think helped a lot.

I ALSO FORGOT TO MENTION that i deleted tumblr off my phone cause i was overconsuming info and i was just getting stressed tf out. I think deleting tumblr was the last push i really needed.

[deathbxnny]

So tumblr decided to screw me over and posted the ask too early, which made me delete it in panic and lose the original ask. However!! I thankfully saved the first part of the ask, so here it is:

May I please request Yanqing learning to play a flute because he heard his s/o singing and wanted to be able to join?

Sorry again to the Anon. I also added/changed up the idea a little, so I hope you guys like it!!<33

Content: Established relationship, reader is a singer, teen reader, Jing Yuan being a smug menace, kind of unserious, sfw

Reader has no mentioned pronouns!

((Not proofread))

The trouble of young love. (Yanqing x GN!Reader)

"You... want to learn how to play the flute?" Jing Yuan muttered in near disbelief, his brow raising high as he gazed down at the determined boy, who gave him a simple nod of approval. "Yes. And preferably, by the end of this week." He stated as though it was the easiest thing in the world to simply just learn an instrument in under a week. The general unfortunately didn't doubt that Yanqing genuinely believed that, however.

Jing Yuan blinked in surprise before glancing around quickly in thought. Was this another prank of his? No, it definitely wasn't that simple.

"... And why?" "Oh well... uh..." Yanqing nervously pulled at the collar of his uniform, suddenly slightly flustered and unwilling to share what had gotten him so awfully motivated in the first place. Not that the older man really needed to hear it, as he already had an inkling on what, or rather who, it could be. "... Does it even matter why? I've just been feeling very... musically inclined lately." Jing Yuan snorted at that despite his better judgment, which made Yanqing scowl in offense.

"I'm having a hard time believing that, Yanqing."

The blonde crossed his arms in defiance. "You're not even taking my request seriously, Master." He said, watching as said man leaned back in his chair and near mockingly crossed his arms as well. "It's not that I'm not taking this seriously... it's just that you've never had an interest in such artistic things before." He clarified, even if Yanqing knew better than to believe that it was just an innocent inquiry. "Besides... learning to play a flute is the same as wielding a sword. You need alot of time and patience to hone your skills. A week won't suffice." "And if it is?"

Jing Yuan now grinned in amusement, having expected to be challenged on this. He supposed that this would make for a good teaching lesson in the long run and whilst it may not be the most responsible thing to do, he decided that this would also serve as a form of small punishment for disturbing his "work" in the grand office.

Ah, young love... truly a troublesome thing.

The older man figured that he was doing all of this for you only. Yanqing mentioned your fear of singing in front of large crowds before, and therefore, it didn't come as a surprise that he wanted to do everything in his power to make his lover happy. In a way, it made the general proud to see the boy slowly grow into a young man... even if it came at the cost of his sanity at times. You had changed the lieutenant of the cloud nights in many ways. Some good and some awfully questionable, to say the least. But he figured Yanqing would learn such things on his own in due time.

"Consider me defeated." "And I get a raise to my allowance?" "Perhaps I'll consider it, depending on how well you play." That's all Yanqing needed to hear, the excitement and fire that burned in him at the prospect of not only beating his own master and then also getting more money to share with his dear dove made him immideatly turn and filter out of the room with no further comment. Unknowing of the perilous path he'd have to take in order to learn the art of this instrument.

He was confident that he could make it in under a week so that he could accompany your singing during your first ever stage performance in the grand theaters of the Luofu, which is the whole reason he wanted to learn how to play the flute in the first place.

It couldn't be that hard after all, right?

---

Well, after a good 5 days of relentless training, he still couldn't play more than notes akin to demonic screeching. The general was fair enough to lend him a fancy flute from his own youth, alongside a guide and a couple of traditional music sheets. And yet, it all ended with him laying sprawled out on top of them, the instrument carelessly tossed onto a nearby pillow, whilst he stared up at the ceiling with a deadpan.

Perhaps he truly had underestimated the sheer power of the flute.

But he couldn't claim defeat. At this point, it had become something personal. A challenge that neared one of life and death. If he lost now, then the general would bring this up for centuries to come, and Yanqing did not want to live through that personal hell. Sighing deeply, he rubbed his tired eyes.

Surely, there had to be something he was doing wrong. And yet he just couldn't figure out what it was. He hadn't slept or rested properly in days either, having been too focused on this life changing mission that he just had no care for anything else. But the self-doubt was beginning to creep in, and he didn't know if he was more upset at himself or at the general. He simply wasn't as talented as you were musically.

And just as his eyes were beginning to flutter shut in defeat, your melodic voice breathed life right back into him. He inhaled deeply, quickly drapping a couple of blankets and pillows over the flute and music sheets before he quickly summoned a sword to act as though he was polishing it. Entering the room with an obvious air of worry and nervousness, you gave him a weak smile.

"Yanqing." You hummed gently, perhaps even nearly shyly as you approached him and took a careful seat next to him. His hand reached out and pressed it's palm against your warm cheek, a tired smile gracing his lips. "Hello there, my dove... it's late out. Why are you here?" He asked, nervous that you'd notice the golden flute that was sticking out from behind a pillow a couple meters away. But thankfully you only had eyes on him, as you fidgeted with your hands.

"The last rehearsal is tomorrow... and I'm starting to have doubts... especially after I heard the rumor regarding the general and the Master Diviner attending the performance as well! I didn't know it was going to be such a big thing..." And it wouldn't have been if Yanqing never mentioned a word of it. He should've guessed that his master would eventually figure out his plans and attempt to get first row seats to view his defeat. Something about it filled him with strong determination, the need to win resurfacing in his heart. If not for himself, then you.

"Don't worry about it. Just focus on your singing, and I'll take care of the rest." He said, a serious look on his face that made you raise a confused brow. Yet you thankfully didn't dwell on his cryptic words any further due to him swiftly changing the topic to more mundane things to keep you distracted.

He eventually walked you home, your hand in his, the sun having set completely hours ago. It was a calming moment that refocused his mind and soul on the task at hand, which he ofcourse immideatly resumed once he returned to the estate. It didn't matter to him if he had to stay up 2 more days for this to work.

He'd play the most beautiful sounds on the flute to accompany your singing and if it's the last thing he did.

At this point, he was perhaps just doing it to wipe that smug look off of his mentors face.

---

"Alright! All done... you look great, (Y/N)!" One of your friends grinned as she fixed up the last details on your rather lavish performance clothes. You tried to weakly smile back, unable to help the deep feeling of fear that ran through you. "Is the theater room full already?" "To the brim! And the General and Master Diviner have also arrived just now... man, it's a real fullhouse tonight." She trailed off, missing the way all color seemed to leave your face.

You had hoped that it was a simple rumour, but after sneaking a peek from behind the curtains into the grand hall, your fears truly did come true. Jing Yuan was casually leaning back in his seat as he conversed with Fu Xuan about a topic that made the woman deadpan at him in annoyance.

This is definitely going to be a disaster, you concluded with an affirmative nod.

"(Y/N)? Please get in formation. The performance is just about to start." The director whispered to you when the lights dimmed and you were pushed towards the stage. Your heart was beating against your chest, your mouth feeling dry. How were you supposed to do this? You couldn't do it. The fear was too great.

And it didn't help that Yanqing was nowhere to be seen in the crowd.

Gulping as the music started, you shakily opened your mouth when suddenly the most melodic symphony of a flute accompanied your at first trembling voice. You blinked in surprise, eyes glancing over to see your lover resting atop a fake tree as his fingers moved along the instrument. Finally understanding everything, you turned to the audience with newfound confidence. Your voice traveled throughout the entire stadium and bewitched it's listeners. No one could look away if they wanted to.

And by the end of the performance, no one could stay seated either, as they cheered and clapped loudly... except for Jing Yuan and Fu Xuan, who still looked hardly impressed next to the general. They watched as Yanqing approached you with a wide smile, your arms immideatly wrapping around him in sincere gratefulness. Giving the man an expectant look, the Master Diviner crossed her arms with a frown.

"Well? What type of teaching moment was this supposed to be?" She asked, not being convinced of his ways of teaching at all anymore. Jing Yuan kept staring ahead, a calm and victorious smile on his lips whilst he watched you and Yanqing happily talk on stage. "That he should learn how to be patient and not overdo things that take time, unless he wants to reap the consequences." Fu Xuan raised a brow, obviously very much unimpressed. "You do realise that this just proved to him that he doesn't need to do that?" "Ah no... he won't do it ever again. Just wait." He simply replied, his grin widening when Yanqing's face dropped. There was a pause... before the boy suddenly just finally collapsed into your arms and chaos broke out.

Fu Xuan gave Jing Yuan a near horrified glance, the older man only continuing to smile in content.

He did try and warn him after all.

Alrighttt... I hope this was fine, Anon!! I once again apologize for accidentally deleting your request and hope this was okay enough to make up for it!!<33

[lalovi]

*falls through your celling again*

I know you already did jealous shadow milk BUT I OFFER YOU THIS

Yandere shadow milk pls

Could be just hcs or sthm idc I JUST LOVE TUMBLRS DIFFERENT TAKES ON IT HCJDHDJFHF

AN: Yanderes <3 and I think this is before he got sealed, but after the corruption. (ALSO MY CEILING! FIRST MY DOOR, NOW THIS-)

Also, I'm def gonna make another one of these yan fics, just wait guys ♡

Yan! Shadow Milk Cookie x Reader

Oneshot (headcanons below)

Warnings: possessiveness, Manipulation, guilt tripping, toxic relationship, mentions of murder

-Only Me-

If only you could rewind time.

Back to the time where your lover wasn't crazy. Where he didn't have this unquenchable bloodlust, and where he didn't obsess over you.

The attention was nice at first, but it's long since become suffocating.

When will he finally let you breathe again?

Probably never. You'll die before he does, so this is probably going to go on until the day of your death.

What'll happen when you die? How will he handle it?

He can barely handle you leaving him for over an hour. There's no way he can handle you leaving forever, and to a place that, for once in his life, is unreachable to him.

He may still be alive after that, but maybe he'll finally stop 'living'.

He'll just exist.

"Dove, I'm back!" Called out an enthusiastic voice.

It would seem that Shadow Milk Cookie has finally returned.

You used to rejoice to the sound of his voice.

Where has all of the joy gone?

"Welcome back," you responded.

He wrapped an arm around your waist and placed a palm on your cheek, gazing with admiration towards your features.

"Oh dove, you truely are the only good in this rotten world~" He left a kiss on your forehead before returning to admiring you silently.

It would have felt nice.

This should have felt nice.

But it didn't.

"Um, I've been thinking about something, actually.." You'd bring up nervously.

"Yes?"

"Do you think I can maybe... leave this tower? Only for a little while?"

...

A silence filled the room before Shadow Milk Cookie started to snicker.

"Oh doll, you can't be serious! Why would you ever want to leave this place?" He gave you a condescending smile, hoping to feign even the slightest bit of ignorance or innocence.

"I've just been here for a long time. That's all.." You'd say.

"Don't be silly~ If you leave, then the outside world will destroy your perfect, delicate self. And you know I can't have my dolls breaking." He just kept staring at you with that sweet, sweet smile.

"But-"

"Oh, I get it. You're just leaving because you've gotten bored of me. Is that it?" His smile faded and was replaced with an uncaring glare.

"That's not what I meant.."

"You're so selfish, you know? I give you a nice place away from all of the chaos to keep you safe, I'm constantly giving you my attention, and now you want to leave me." He let go of you and looked away, a scowl present on his face.

"I never said I wanted to leave you!"

"If you loved me, you'd stay here with me, and not put up a fight about wanting to leave."

So that's how it is...

Such a shame that he could get you to obey him so easily.

Leading you on with your own love.

"Sorry, I won't ask about it again..." you looked towards the ground, a guilt seeping into your heart, even though none of this was really your fault.

"Say you love me, and only me."

...

"I love only you."

He placed a finger under your chin and made you look up to him.

The smile he always held was back, as if it never disappeared in the first place.

"Yep! Only me!"

《☆》 Fin

Headcanons

Obsessed.

That's really the only word to describe him

Burns down towns and kills people 'in your name'.

You've hinted that you don't appreciate the actions

He never gets the hint, and if he does, he ignores them

Uses your love for him against you

Guilt trips you into agreeing with him a lot of the time

Has come home covered in blood numerous times

Acts like it's insignificant

Loves seeing you cry

He thinks it's cute, but he'll still 'comfort' you in way

Will wipe his bloodied hands on your face and whisk your tears away

Holds you close to him, even when he's the problem

Never gives you space

Sometimes you wish for the old him

You told him about it and he just laughed

Talks to everyone about you, but if they say your name, he kills them instantly

Thinks your name doesn't deserve to be spoken by people like them

If you ever died he'd probably lose it

You're his lifeline

It's... really not healthy.

[artsymeeshee]

It isn't much of an ask, as more of a thank you.

Your heavier toned sea grunk comic with Stan discussing his thoughts of suicide has always held a place in my heart.

I started into the fandom around January 2022, and was pretty introverted getting into it. At that time, I was around 13 years into my undiagnosed depression, and failed one attempt to end it in that span. My introverted nature and being so warped kept me from wanting to engage with others from the fandom. I figured I was an outsider with more issues than what could be handled, and no one would be there for me(and I wouldn't blame them).

I didn't think that around July 2022, people would begin reaching out to me, understanding me, and accepting me. I found kindred spirits and my family. And in September, my best friend found me. She is the Ford to my Stan. She has stuck by me and loved me when I have been unlovable and it wasn't required. And we bonded over our favorite guys of course. She got me into Tumblr, and this was one of the first comics that I saw, and it made me bawl. It felt like talking to my best friend face to face, even 500 miles apart.

Then, shifting into December 17, 2023, I tried again to go, standing in the freezing night on the edge of the local bridge, seeing the dark, and waiting to embrace it. And everything that I loved flooded me in that darkness: My best friend, all my friends I had made, my family, and this comic. Stan felt that way, but he held on, because he got Ford back. It was part of why I stepped down, and just sat for awhile, and took the time to finally get help. Those feelings are now distant and rare when I reached out for proper help.

Even now, I'm struggling, but not wanting to be in that place again. Just feeling like I'm inadequate as a spouse, but we are both working through it. It has been difficult the last few weeks, and this comic emerges again today, and flooded me all over again with the reminder that Stan chose to live, even if it was hell for a long time, and I can do it too.

So, if you haven't fallen asleep on me yet, I just wanted to thank you for making this comic. And for all of them. It resonates with me deeply, and frequently more than you'll ever know, and at points, has kept me here.

Thank you 👉👈

🥺🥺 Oh wow. I don't know what to really say but thank you for opening up and telling your story. I know it can be really hard to open up like that. It makes me happy to hear that things have gotten a lot better, even if it's not 100%.

That comic was a spur of the moment kind of thing because I was originally going to make just a vent post of myself but then something about wanting to get out particular thoughts I've had through Stan seemed like a better approach. Perhaps this could come as a bit of surprise to some but as much art of Ford I've done, Stan is actually the favorite of the two.

I kind of thought that comic was going to be my last at the time. My mind spiraled pretty bad during that time last year and figured that it wasn't worth trying to say how I've been and just leave because I genuinely believed I was better off no longer being part of the Fandom. I still think I do on some days but seeing messages like these or even small encouraging ones is enough to think I am still worthy enough to stay.

❤️

[lucisprettyboy]

Hai I saw your requests are open I think can you do a hazbin hotel and helluva boss with a female reader that acts like Rouge the bat from sonic, can I request for Fizzarolli,Blitzø,Verosika,beezlebubLucifer,vaggie and Charlie together also if you can't do that all it's okay,hope you have a good day/night/afternoon <3

Thank you for asking me to write this, this is the first request I've ever done. I didn't know if you wanted romantic or platonic headcanons, so I did the first four romantic and the other three platonic.

I did a little character study because I haven't watched Sonic or played the games since I was a kid, I hope I did your vision justice. 💕

(Likes and reblogs appreciated! 💖)

Word Count: 2.9K

Warnings: language, sexual reference (Blitzø's, of course), and reference to drinking

Gifs from the Tumblr gallery

Hazbin Headcanons:

Lucifer

-When Lucifer first met you, he immediately knew you were special because bat demons were rare. He hasn't really met that many sinners. But you? You were something

-He had been visiting the hotel for the second or third time when he met you. You had somehow managed to hover above his head long enough to take the apple off of his hat and take a bite, and back flip into a perfect landing right in front of him.

-I don't think Lucifer had ever been that stunned. He had even stuttered introducing himself to you after that. But you weren't very fazed by him. You said your name, and told him the apple was very tart as you walked away.

-Safe to say that after that you had left a mark on his brain. (Maybe even his heart but he hadn't figured that out yet.) As he started coming around more often, he would find more and more reasons to speak with you or be near you. But you were so cold! You would just brush him off, or flirt with him until he was redder than the apple on his hat. But you never really spoke frankly with him.

-You had no idea, but the thought had entered his brain to make a duck modeled after you. When he presented it to you, you could tell he had spent hours working on it. But you just picked up it, looked at it and said thanks as you took it and walked away. Maybe it was because he had never been treated this way before but he couldn't stop thinking about how cold you were.

-Sure, you were a thief (a great one at that), but you wouldn't have anticipated you'd stolen his heart! It had gotten so much that one day he pulled you to the side and asked you if you hated him or if you were just playing hard to get.

-However, you didn't answer. You just looked him in the eyes, kissed him, and flew away. The king of hell never thought he'd fall for a thieving spy, but here we are.

-The two of you are basically inseparable by the time he's through. You might as well be his second marriage.

Charlie

-Charlie was the sweetest target you had ever met. So sweet, in fact, that you had canceled the hit on her hotel's vault personally. How could you steal from someone with such a pure heart? Besides, those were her family's jewels, mainly left to her from her mother.

-Because of your “change of heart” she offered you a job at the hotel! Initially, you were going to refuse, but the subliminal puppy dog eyes she held captivated you. You just couldn't say no to that face!

-Your sticky fingers were almost completely forgotten once you had come to work for the hotel. You never got to do much at reception, however. So sometimes…you'd have a little fun. Usually at Vaggie or Angel's expense.

-If you flew up to the ceiling and found the perfect perch, you could use your echolocation to mess with the hearing for long enough that you could snatch any jewelry they had on. It wasn't always much, however, because eventually they caught on to your little trick and stopped wearing jewelry when you were around.

-Charlie wasn't fond of this either. She would often ask you (albeit politely) to stop pranking your friends! Because if you prank your friends they won't trust you! You didn't really care though, you only stopped because she would pull it the puppy dog eyes. The only reason you actually agreed to stop was she said you could see her most prized piece of jewelry.

-It was beautiful. The most thoughtfully crafted piece you had ever seen; in hell and on earth. It was a necklace left to her by her mother made of diluted angelic steel and 24 karat gold with the most carefully carved ruby heart you had ever seen. She had explained that it had been a birthday gift that essentially doubled as a promise ring.

-She carefully unclasped the chain as she stood behind you in a silent question. You nodded, and she secured the necklace around your neck as she pulled you into a tight hug. It was obvious that you hadn't realized what the necklace had meant and that she'd had to explain it.

-Charlie took your hands into her own as she explained that if you were to have her, this necklace would mean the two of you were promised to wed, and that the necklace functioned as a ring of sorts. Her mother had gifted it to her as a promise to the person she fell in love with, and that she would feel it when they were the one.

-Obviously with your affinity for gems you accepted. She knew you so well.

Vaggie

-To be honest, Vaggie originally didn't like you very much. Mainly due to your sticky fingers. And also because you encouraged Angel Dust's bad habits by swiping jewels from people and pawning them off, and then giving him the money. Which he would obviously use to get drugs.

-It was pretty obvious that you hated rules. To her at least. You basically followed your own moral code and the only thing you ever seemed to care about was gems. Or just doing something to antagonize someone else.

-The one thing she couldn't fault you for, however, was that you hated people who messed with your crew. You might've had a colder exterior like she did, but you definitely didn't just let things slide. You were the silent and sexy but deadly type.

-She kind of warmed up to you, but it took a lot longer than you had expected. You were a huge flirt, and Vaggie was never the type that was good at receiving attention. But once you had seen how cute she was when flustered, you'd tease her every chance you could get. It took a while for her to get used to being complimented, or even just appreciated in general.

-It took some convincing to get you to use your sticky fingers for good. But she admired the fact that you decided to change. For her. Your main deal with her was that you'd only steal from irredeemable monsters (like Valentino) or take from the rich to give to those in need. You really weren't one for charity work, but because of how much you loved and appreciated Vaggie, you convinced yourself it was fine.

-Although you had some hidden talents. Like how flexible you were, and the fact that you could fly. She knew you most likely could because you were a bat, but no one had ever seen you use your wings. And she eventually figured out by the way you carried yourself that you used to be a spy. I mean, your strategies were off the charts, and you were able to get Intel way too easily.

-But these were never bad things. She appreciated that out of all the things you could've spent your after-life doing, you chose to stay with her and the crew at some rinky dink hotel to try and help sinners.

-She could tell you had a good heart inside of you. Somewhere. And she liked that about you.

Helluva Headcanons:

Blitzø

-To him, it was weird to have a bat demon in Imp City, but at the time he wasn't even thinking about that. He was thinking about the piece of jewelry he was missing from around his neck. Somehow, you had managed to walk up to him, snatch his mother's necklace, and walk away without him seeing you. He knew you'd be an asset immediately.

-Originally, the only reason Blitzø had kept you around after the two of you had met was because you had been the best pickpocket he had ever seen. He figured he'd have some use for you at some point, so he had basically set you to the side.

-But after he had hired you and he had to step out for some personal reason, you got assigned to lead. He had seen you at your best, and leadership really was your thing. So you were basically running every mission he wasn't on. And as much as you hated it, you knew he sent you because you were the best strategist out of the entire team.

-However, there was one mission that made him fall for you. It was a heist of some rich piece of shit topside. Which usually wasn't the kind of thing that I.M.P did, but that sinner was paying big bucks, so who was he to say no? However, initially he wished he had; everything was going wrong. He had stepped back into the leadership role for this one, but if he was being honest he was trying to put on a tough guy front to get your attention. Due to his poor planning, the four of you had gotten to the vault, and his dumbass tripped, and set off the alarm.

-You knew how to handle this though; in fact, you'd done it hundreds of times, topside and in hell. Thanks to your hyper-trained agility, you gracefully back flipped and cartwheeled your way through the beams and quickly landed yourself perfectly placed in front of the vault's door. Disabling the alarms just as quick as you had gotten there, the team stared at you dumb founded as you got the door open AND nabbed all the jewels by yourself before they could even walk over.

-Safe to say that at that point, Blitzø knew you were MUCH more than a regular pickpocket. Watching someone have that much grace with acrobatic moves? Yeah he was basically cumming in his pants from how hot you were.

-After that heist he was trying to spend more and more time with you, and less time stalking M&M. He even asked you out to Ozzie's. Twice. But thankfully the second time was because he wanted to go with you instead of being there to stalk your other favorite coworkers.

-Blitzø is pretty much infatuated with you. He might even work up the courage to propose to you. One day.

Beelzebub

-Beel noticed a lot of people at her parties. The only ones that ever got in trouble for anything, however, were the ones that tried to steal. She didn't like thieves. Although if she thought about it she did have an appreciation for gems herself.

-You were about to be kicked from one of her hellhound ragers, but she decided to give you a second chance. You seemed like a decent sinner, besides your sticky fingers. She actually kind of liked your vibe, you had this silent but deadly and sexy vibe going for you.

-You weren't super chatty, but you definitely could out drink most of the hounds at the party. Talking to you even more, you told her about your life on earth, and how you occasionally worked as a government spy. She was pretty impressed, in fact, she had the great idea of hiring you as security for her parties.

-You ended up being a great addition to her crew. Because you worked for her and she liked you, you got to live in the same estate you worked as security for, which kind of made sense if you think about it. The two of you hung out pretty often, and she'd get you presents for your birthday and just all around everyday gifts.

-One of the best gifts she'd ever given you was a hand carved Emerald with your names engraved in the gold. It was 24 karat gold with a rose gold finish, it looked straight out of a jewelry store in heaven. When you told her how much you had loved it, she just laughed and told you it was nothing, and that she didn't mind treating you.

-When the two of you had first met you weren't much of a party animal, but Bee's energy is so contagious in the best way possible. You're still a stone cold spy, but every now and then she'll notice you flirting with someone, and she smiles to herself, happy that her friend is getting to know people, even if you're keeping the cold demeanor up at all times.

-Even Tex likes you as much as she does, which is good, because if he didn't, she'd probably fuck him up. You've become the wine mom when she's sober, and when you're sober she's like your wild daughter. There'll be the occasion where your cold demeanor drops and you show that truly deep down you do care, and she admires you for being that vulnerable with her.

-All in all, y'all love each other so much it hurts, and it'll last forever.

Verosika

-The only reason you had even met Verosika is because of her tour dates being double booked. Had she not been in a rinky dink motel in Imp City, she wouldn't have gotten her stuff stolen.

-Most of it was the usual stuff people stole from A-list celebs; their underwear, their toothbrushes, hell even her flask was gone. But she honestly couldn't even bring herself to give a shit. Because the only important thing was missing. Her Asmodian Crystal was gone. Without it, she wouldn't be able to do any concerts topside for the next few months until she bought a new one.

-It took her a while to figure out where it had went or even how it was missing. She always kept it in her pocket! So who the fuck could've…

-Only one person. There was a bat demon that bumped into her on the way back from the coffee shop. When they had walked away she checked her pockets but didn't find anything wrong. Checking her pocket she found the crystal had been replaced with a fake. Oh she was going to get you.

-It took a lot of swallowing her pride but she was able to suck it up, and go to Blitzø to get him to hunt them down. But, her end of the deal was that she'd pay more to bring them alive.

-You didn't want to admit that it was a shoddy pickpocket job but when you wound up getting tossed through a portal at the feet of demon popstar Verosika, you figured it was over. But, turns out all she wanted was the crystal back. And you could keep your life if you worked for her.

-You basically became her personal pickpocket and her informant. Anything she needed stolen or any info she needed was easy pickings with you around. The two of you actually became friends because of how similar you were. The two of you even robbed jewelry stores for fun sometimes. She knew how much you liked jewels, and you knew how much she enjoyed causing trouble.

-Safe to say the two of you are trouble. You two of you often tag team other demons; the two of you are thieving flirts, not much more to it besides two besties at their best.

Fizzarolli

-Fizz was and always will be a circus guy at heart. So seeing someone with all the qualities needed in a good acrobat sends him reeling. But he quickly realized why you were center stage, stealing the audience's breath away; he was the star. So you had to resort to being the cold-hearted thieving acrobat.

-There were many jokes to be made about the fact that you were a bat acrobat, but now wasn't the time. You would've been a crowd favorite, you were hot, you were amazing at what you do, and you have an affinity for swiping jewels when the audience wasn't looking. That might've been Buckzo's favorite part about your act.

-The only reason he kept you around was that the amount of gems you stole from the audience while he and Blitzø performed made just enough for him to care about whether you were performing or not every night.

-If he was being honest, he kind of liked you. You were cool; you had a good stage presence, you looked cool, and he thought you always managed to steal the prettiest jewels.

-When he left the circus he never thought he'd see you again. But here you are, stealing from Prince Stolas’ personal treasury. Had he not caught you scaling the wall with a giant bag full of gems he never would've known you had even done anything…

-Obviously he didn't rat you out, but he did ask you to catch up with him at a later date. He figured he might as well make the best out of seeing you again for the first time in 10 years. Whatever you had going on had to be better than working for Mammon.

-Turns out, you had some kind of serial jewel robber thing going on. You'd get tipped off by your informant, steal whatever the score was, and sell it off to the highest bidder. His first question was why you decided on thievery, but you just shrugged and told him it was all you really knew. It was how you died, and so it'll be how you live your afterlife.

-You and Fizzy have a pretty good relationship. Childhood besties reuniting is always the best.

[roxtron]

Day 5: Rabbit, Reclaim

AGJGDFJF FINALLY IT'S DAY 5 SO I CAN POST THIS

For some reason everytime i draw him he looks so young because i'm accidentally overcorrecting since i'm used to drawing older characters. So unfortunately he looks way younger than i meant him to lol, whoops.

But wait there's more- AHAHAHA

While I did initially plan this for GGY week I eventually got the idea to use this as an excuse to draw other GGY designs, soo..

(Not sure why tumblr formatted it that way with 1 of them big but it doesn't matter lol)

I've been wanting to do this for a while, I put the tags of each person next to their design but ofc I'm still gonna tag them in the post itself so you can see their art for yourself if you haven't already. But I enjoyed each of these in their own ways so if you don't mind I think I'm gonna type a bit of text next to them..

@chipistrate This was one of the first I drew out of these, the design was pretty fun to draw but sorry if I messed up a few details, it was a bit difficult lol. The mask and goggles are really fun to draw and they make for a cool design, along with all the glowing blue. (and yes, I tried to subtly include the heelies lol)

@lunzi0 This was the first fursuit one I did lol. I adore the little stars in the design, they personalize it so well and make it really unique. I wanna try this design again since I feel like the other ones show my improvement a bit better, but I hope you can appreciate the effort I put in on my first attempt <3

@carouselrabbit This one was really fun to draw, I absolutely love the eye shape/lashes, it stands out and I always love drawing eyes with a bit of eyeliner lol, the daycare theme legwarmers is a cool nod to the balloon boy arcade machine being connected to them, and was just a fun addition in general lol, I like the style of legwarmers what can I say, fnaf changed my fashion sense a bit. also the subtle paraells to freddy's design is a nice way to connect a bit to gregory himself.

@puhpandas I can't remember if I talked about this design last time I drew it but, overall I'm really happy with how this came out, it's such an indicator of improvement since I started drawing this and I'm glad I was able to draw it better than last time lol. All the patchwork and similarities to Vanny's suit work really well, and the rabbit you chose to base it off of was a good fit, the colors make it a bit more difficult to shade for but i like detail lol, hope you like it too :)

@dykevanny I knew I wanted to do this since I started but I wasn't sure if I'd have time, and I'm glad I did! I hope you don't mind I combined aspects from the first design I saw and the second one you replied to my ask with, I liked the big purple sleeves lol. (I just realized after doing all the shading I forgot to include the oil splatter on his jacket, sorry!) It was definitely a bit difficult due to the head shape being so different but.. fluffy. i love drawing fluff. And the glowing swirl on the goggles, the shape of the ears, I love a lot about this design. :D

I have a hard time with writing compliments but I wanted to get some of those thoughts out, some of the things I like about these designs apply to multiple lol. I adore every one of these designs but I find it hard to put into words what I enjoy about them, hope the original creators are happy with these. <3

I also kept the ggys without as much lighting effects on a separate file, I felt like I should add them since they're a bit brighter lol, makes them look different.

Okay now that I've gotten all that- Sorry this post is so long! I didn't think it'd end up taking up so much space lol. Buut.. working on this drawing and thinking about it and potential context behind it gave me an au idea for it, but I'll put it under the cut since I understand most people probably won't care and just wanna see the drawings lol.

Idk if I'm confident enough to write for it but I'll give a bit of a summary.. I'll keep it under the cut for people who aren't interested and just wanna see the art though lol.

After the main events of SB and Ruin, now that the mimic's been set free, Cassie's taken control of by what's left of Vanny, using her as a new host. But with Cassie being the only human left alive down there, after being reawakened, Dr. Rabbit has nowhere left to go but back to his old host.

Vanessa, Freddy, and Gregory hadn't gone back to the Pizzaplex after ruin, but they were trying to figure out a plan to get Cassie back safely. One night after Freddy and Gregory disappear, Vanessa leaves to go find them. As dangerous as the pizzaplex is, it's her best guess for where they might've gone. She doesn't want to think about what could've happened to them, in denial for the worst case scenario. She tries to keep herself calm by telling herself they probably just left to go back for Cassie, maybe they didn't want her stopping them.. but deep down she knows it can't be that simple. She knows something's off, even if she's not ready to admit it.

When returning to the pizzaplex, she brought along her own V.A.N.N.I. mask, though unlike the one Cassie used, it was clear of the mimic's influence. After all, she was going to need some way to travel through potential blocked routes.

By the time she found Gregory, she'd still been wearing the mask, seeing him down the end of a dark hallway. He looked confused, afraid, his mind was a wreck of conflicting emotions. She started rushing towards him, happy to see him okay, until he finally spoke.

"You need to get out of here."

She stepped back, taking off the mask, only to be faced with the worst case scenario.

It was a wreck, covered in stains and tears, but it was still recognizable. He was wearing that old suit again.

As he waved, she could see Freddy's claws peeking out from the doorway, as the two stepped closer towards her.

So, she did what he told her to do, and started running. She could hear a faint voice coming from the mask, and put it back on before finding somewhere she could hide.

It was his voice again, telling her which way to go.

I guess that was the dramatic way to summarize the main idea behind it, lol. Basically Gregory and Dr. Rabbit work the way Sun and Moon work in Ruin, whichever one is in control in the real world, the other is left behind in the AR world. Or at least that's my interpretation of how they worked, considering Sun was always in mask-on scenes and moon was mask-off. I'm not too sure where the plot might go from there, and maybe I'll consider writing for it, I dunno. I've never wrote fanfic before because I get deadly afraid of writing them out of character lol, but maybe?? I have ideas for scenes and premise and stuff but I don't know if I have the confidence to write it.

But anyway! That was just more of a fun side-idea I came up with while working on this, if you read this far thanks, hope you enjoyed :)

here's some silly little lineless doodles as a reward for making it to the end hehe

now that's what I call an art dump

@ggyweek2024

[sacredmads]

my own success, failure, and everything in between with the law of assumption.

i get so many asks every day wondering why i even began practicing the law of assumption in the first place, and every single time i read one, i can't help but think of how far i've come. i want to tell you guys from the very beginning why i even felt the need to want to start manifesting things into my life, because i really do feel it could help some people. even if this doesn't help you in an LOA sense, i do hope it helps you to know that things will always get better, no matter what things look like right now. you deserve nothing but love and light and happiness, and you will get that, no matter what.

(very small TW!)

i have been through a lot in my life. a LOT. i'll spare you guys the nitty gritty details of it all, don't worry. but to put it lightly, when i found the law of assumption, i was desperate for things in my life to start changing for the better. at the time, which was a year ago now, i was surrounded by bad people, in bad situationships, and had also just gotten diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder due to two extremely ab*sive relationships i was in. i hated my job, i hated how i looked, how i acted, how i talked, the things i was doing, the path i was going down. i longed for so much change.

i saw the law of assumption as my way out. however, my views on the law then are much different than my views on it now. i looked at manifestation as something i had to WORK for. i looked at LOA as a chore. this meant that trying to get my desires became a much more negative than a positive thing for me. i started to hate my life, and myself, even more, because i didn't know what i was doing wrong. every time i'd read a success story, i would feel nothing but envy and jealousy. i wanted to manifest my life being different SO bad that i began to feel as though it was something that i would never accomplish. these thoughts and assumptions buried me even deeper into the pit than i already was, and started a viscous cycle of me hating my life, myself, and starting to form a type of resentment against the law of assumption.

then, towards the end of 2021, the void state blew up on tumblr. i saw the void as my way out - my solution to all of this. (spoiler alert, it wasn't). i tried for MONTHS on end to get into the void. i would spend hours laying in my bed, affirming over and over and over, and getting nothing but angry at myself because yet again, the method wasn't working. more void success stories started coming to tumblr, and every time i'd read one, i'd genuinely feel sick to my stomach. i didn't understand what i wasn't doing right.

towards the beginning of this year i decided to just cut my losses and stop trying to get into the void, and focus on the things i already had, because i thought that was all i had going for me.

i can't remember where it started, but i can say that now, in this very moment, i am the happiest i have ever been.

i have manifested so many things i didn't even dream would be possible for me.

for ONCE in my life, i am so comfortable with my finances. i have financial freedom, and, not to gloat, but MORE than enough money in my bank account.

i have the most AMAZING group of friends... literally shit that feels like it's from a movie. i cannot fathom having any other group around me.

literally manifested an SP that doesn't feel real. fairy tale typa love.

i manifested a job that i love more than words, and not only that, but i manifested getting promoted to manager, and i start training next month.

i've manifested appearance changes as well, and i feel so beautiful in my skin, with AND without makeup, which again.. i didn't think would be possible.

my assumptions about myself, my life, finances, friends, people, relationships, ANYTHING you can think of have all changed for the better. i genuinely feel as though i am limitless and can manifest absolutely anything i desire, and not only that, i feel as though i deserve all of my desires. because i do! a year ago today i was a completely different person than i am now - and i'm so proud to say that i am living a comfortable, happy, and free life.

i know so many people on tumblr and on all platforms that hold an LOA community struggle with so many of the same things i struggled with, and i can promise you that if you truly just focus on what you already know and APPLY, nothing is impossible and nothing will stop you. i have been where you are - i have believed the law of assumption was bullshit at points. but now, i cannot imagine where i'd be if i hadn't started practicing the law. are there things i still want to manifest? absolutely! do i still have small struggles, or bad days? absolutely! the thing is though, i know now that none of that matters. what matters is the things i want - and that's it! there is nothing in this entire world that will stop my desires from coming to me.

when i finally realized that the only person who can stop my desires is ME, is when things finally started changing for the better. i am the only one who will ruin my success and also the only one who can give myself success. i'm choosing to give myself success.

you will get your success, too. you deserve to feel good, and love your life. you deserve to not have stresses or worries. you deserve nothing but all that life has to offer, and i believe you can give that to yourself.

please stop sabotaging your own desires, and stay focused on what you want. you WILL get it. you already have it! do you feel it? do you feel the life you're living right now, with all of your desires? that feeling is what's real. that feeling is what you're experiencing, right now.

[sebastianstanisahotmf]

Cuddles

Steve Rogers x Fem!reader

A/N This is one of the first fics I posted on my other account and I thought I lost it, luckily it just wasn't labelled. Comments, likes and reblogs are appreciated and all mistakes are my own so if you see any just comment them.

Summary You just got home from a long mission and you missed Steve (a lot).

DO NOT REPOST ON ANY OTHER APPS/SITES. THE ONLY PLACE THIS FIC IS ON IS TUMBLR.

Warnings fluff

To say you missed your boyfriend, Steve, was an understatement. You had just gotten back from a three-week long mission with Nat and Clint at an abandoned Hydra base to get some information on the winter soldier. Luckily, the mission was successful and there weren't too many problems other than a few traps that caught the three of you off guard since they were strategically placed.

However, you were missing Steve a lot. And although the mission was less than a month, and you had spent longer away from him, you were still missing Steve and his amazing hugs. 

You could see Steve waiting for you as the Quinjet landed. As soon as the Quinjet opened, you were running towards Steve as he opened his arms to welcome you. 

Steve groaned as he took the impact from you running into him and wrapped his arms around you as you wrapped yours around his waist. You both stayed like that for a while before you pulled back so you could kiss Steve in what felt like forever. 

“I missed you so much baby,” Steve said, breathless from the kiss.

“I missed you too Stevie,” you gave him a chassed kiss on his lips before making your way to the floor you and Steve shared with Bucky so you could shower.

After your shower, you changed into one of Steve’s t-shirts and some shorts before going into the living room on your floor and joining Steve on the couch.

“Do you feel better now honey?” Steve asked.

“Much better,” you responded with a smile.

Steve lifted his left arm to rest on the couch behind you as you moved closer to cuddle into his side and rested your head on his chest. You stayed there for a while as you watched whatever show was on the tv until the end credits were rolling. 

You looked up at Steve as he leaned in to meet your lips in a kiss filled with pure passion. You could feel butterflies in your stomach as your and Steve's tongues fought for dominance.

 

This romantic situation was then ruined by the sounds of retching coming from behind you. You turned around to see Sam and Bucky stood at the door pretending to gag at the sight of your and Steve’s affection.

“You’re just jealous that you don’t have anyone to kiss birdman,” you said to Sam which he responded to with a scowl.

“And you can't handle the fact that I've got a girl before you jerk,” Steve said to Bucky with a smirk on his face.

“Punk,” Bucky replied. 

“Anyways we came here to tell you two love birds that food is ready,” Sam said, rolling his eyes.

 

You and Steve stood up and proceeded to walk with Sam and Bucky to the elevator. 

“You two better not start making out in the elevator or else I won't want my food.” Sam said while crossing his arms. 

“Jeez Sam were not animals,” you replied.

 

“I dunno if I believe you y/n. The things I've heard says different.” Bucky said with a disgusted look on his face.

 

“Come on Buck, we’re not that bad,” Steve was smiling because he knew that you both weren’t exactly quiet in the bedroom. 

Once the elevator doors opened, the four of you walked out and into the dining room where everyone else was waiting for you. Everyone was sitting down and they had left four seats for you, Steve, Sam and Bucky to sit in. 

You sat down next to Nat and Steve sat on the other side of you. You put your hand on Steve’s thigh whilst you used your other hand to eat. 

“So y/n how was the mission?” Tony asked.

“It was alright I guess. Some of the traps were so fucking hard though.”

“Well Hydra treasured cyborg so I'm not surprised.” Tony responded. 

“Hey! Don’t call me that. At least I don’t have to dress up in a stupid suit to become helpful.” Bucky snarled at Tony. 

Tony just rolled his eyes before turning to Bruce to talk about sciency things that no one but them understood. 

After everyone had eaten, you and Steve excused yourselves. You held hands all the way from the dining room up until you reached your ensuite where you both brushed your teeth. After that, you got into bed while Steve changed into some sweatpants. 

Steve got into bed next to you and lifted his arm so you could rest your head on his chest. You leaned up so you could kiss him again before returning your head back to its previous position. You threw an arm over Steve's stomach and hooked a leg over one of Steve’s so you could be as close as humanly possible to him. 

“Is there anything you want or need, baby?” Steve questioned.

“Just cuddles from you. That’s all I need Stevie.” This made Steve smile.

You kissed his chest and then closed your eyes as you slowly drifted into a comfortable slumber while listening to the steady beat of Steve’s heart. 

“G’night Stevie.” you whispered sleepily. 

Steve only heard your comment because of his super hearing and he let out a quiet chuckle.

“Good night darling,” Steve said although he knew you didn’t hear it because of your breathing which signified that you were fast asleep.

Taglist: @buckys-wintersoldier, @nicoline1998enilocin

If you want to join my taglist just click on the link

Also, if you want to see the posts I reblog just follow @sebastianstanisahotmf-reblogs

[choicesficwriterscreations]

June Creator of the Month: Thosehallowedhalls

Please welcome this month’s Creator of the Month is @thosehallowedhalls.

Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists. The writer or artist is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page. Past COTM's can be found here.

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog Masterlist

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played?

I can't remember exactly. 2021, I think? Laws of Attraction was on its tenth chapter.

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I joined in January of this year. I was upset with Crimes of Passion 2, so I wrote a couple of stories about it. I had deactivated my old Tumblr long ago, so I had to open a new one.

3- How did you pick your blog name?

I love old buildings - the history, the ambiance. I tried hallowedhalls, but it was taken, so I added the article.

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!

I… have zero recollection of this post. But I'm big on nostalgia and mourning past times, so the fact that this was my first post tracks.

5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both?

I write fanfiction. I've been teaching myself to draw, but I'm not anywhere near close to sharing what I do.

6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?

I started writing fanfiction way back in… 2010? For about four or five years. Then I stopped until December 2023.

7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?

Crimes of Passion on both counts.

8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?

That would be The 2 AM Christmas Tree Farm, inspired by The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. I do still like it, but I would tighten up the writing a bit. I had barely written any fiction for several years at that point, and the lack of practice shows.

9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created?

I keep going back and forth between The 2 AM Christmas Tree Farm and Home Without. Both are angsty short series.

10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?

I was taken aback by the comments on The 2 AM Christmas Tree Farm. I'd posted it on AO3 a few weeks before, and had gotten a handful of kudos and one comment, but within 24 hours of posting it here, I had several lovely reblogs. It was a welcome surprise. Stories with fewer comments… I guess Home Without. The first chapter got quite a bit of love, but by the time the final chapter rolled around, fewer people were interacting.

11- If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

I love a balance, but I'd say angst with a happy ending. I enjoy the breadth of emotions angst lets you explore.

12 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

There are bits and pieces of me in all of them. Emma has my sarcasm, and Raine has my need to look for the best in people. There may be more, but if so, it wasn't done intentionally.

13 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?

Perfectionism. Like I said before, the lack of writing practice shows. I know that the only way to get better is to keep writing, but I hate seeing the gap between what I do and what I want to do. Catch-22.

14 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

My Sebastyan x Emma fic, Of Cloudless Climes and Starry Skies. There are only a couple of chapters left, but I've been struggling with it for a couple of months now.

15 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first?

Oh, hell no.

16 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?

So many writers have influenced my writing throughout the years, including authors I do not currently read. The Brontë sisters, Charles Dickens, Nora Roberts, Jane Austen, Courtney Milan, Alyssa Cole… I could go on and on. Fanfic writers… There are a lot, but off the top of my head, @inlocusmads, @coffeewithcutcaffeine, @gaiuskamilah, @aria-ashryver, @jerzwriter, @dutifullynuttywitch, @aces-and-angels, @petalouda85, and @storyofmychoices. I know there are more.

17- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series?

Home Without. I'm a sucker for good pining, and I'd love to see all that mutual longing play out onscreen - not to mention that reunion.

18- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art?

I do. I'm currently working on a horror short story, a MG novel, and a dual timeline mystery that's still in the research stages.

19- What other hobbies do you have?

Reading, non-fandom writing, drawing, learning new things (especially languages!), going on walks, and drinking enough coffee to alarm medical professionals anywhere.

[ivyluvsyouu]

okay, this is the first request i've ever done on tumblr. (horrified)

could i request some yelan, ei, shenhe, (& i'm not sure if you are currently taking hsr, but) hanya and natasha? with a shy and quiet fem! reader, who's also much shorter than them.

i have two ideas, just in case the first one isn't something you'd write for.

they discover that reader would really like to become a mother with them, but hasn't brought it up because she knows it's impossible. maybe they see her journal left open, or maybe she accidentally left a tab open on her computer.

they plan an adorable picnic for reader. they sent her out of the house so they could prepare everything, or maybe they did it overnight. (maybe fem! reader has been sad lately, so they do this to cheer her up, and it works) they get a nice and plushy picnic blanket, a cute basket adorned in lace, and adorable sandwiches and snacks and fruits, accompanied with some wine?

you totally don't have to do either, but it'd make my day !! <33

𝑷𝒊𝒄𝒏𝒊𝒄<𝟑

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔: 𝒀𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒏, 𝑬𝒊, 𝑺𝒉𝒆𝒏𝒉𝒆, 𝑯𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒂 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑵𝒂𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒂

𝑭𝒆𝒎! 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝒀𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒏

You had gotten hurt on a commission recently; you were going to be okay, but your injury had left you bedridden for a while and you were going to be bedridden for a few more weeks at least and your girlfriend Yelan felt awful for you. She wanted to do something for you. One day when Yelan was out doing some commissions she saw a young couple having a picnic outside and she got the idea to have a little picnic at home with you since you couldn't get out of bed. She picked up some wine and some food in Liyue and she made sure to get some of your favorite dishes and she brought the food home. "I'm home dear!" She said as she came into your shared bedroom.

She had a basket in her hand and a blanket in the other. She sat next to you in bed and placed the blanket over you. She set the plates and food up. You were confused about what she was doing. "Yelan, what are you doing?" you asked curiously. "I felt bad we haven't been able to do anything together recently, so I wanted to set up a picnic in bed" She explained pouring you a glass of wine. You smiled and laid on her shoulder as she got everything set up. It didn't take long for her to get it set up and once she did you raised your head from her shoulder, and she smiles at you "Alright, dear everything's ready we can eat now"

𝑬𝒊

Ei noticed you had been extremely stressed out recently with work. Ei wanted to do something for you, but she wasn't sure what. She asked Miko what she should do and Miko suggested a picnic. Ei went home that day, and she spent all night preparing things for the picnic while you were asleep. She made sure to follow the recipes very carefully while she made the good since she's not good at cooking. They weren't perfect but she was proud of how they came out. You woke up that next morning to your girlfriend finishing setting things up.

"Morning, Ei" you said rubbing your eyes as you walk into the kitchen. She smiles and turns around "Morning, love come on I have something planned for us" she said softly. You nodded and got ready, and she took you to a secluded area in Inazuma. She set up all the food she had prepared for you and her. The sun was still rising so the both of you had a beautiful view of the sunrise while you ate. You laid on her shoulder as you both watched the sunrise and ate the food she had prepared. "I love you, Ei" you said in-between bites of your food. "I love you too, more than anything"

𝑺𝒉𝒆𝒏𝒉𝒆

Your girlfriend didn't know much about relationships and how to comfort people. So, when she noticed that you had been feeling down recently, she had no idea what to do or how to help. She ended up asking Xianyun for help. "My girlfriend has been really down recently, and I want to do something special to make her feel better..."

Xianyun gave her the idea to make some food and take her on a picnic. Shenhe doesn't know much about the food you eat either since she grew up in the mountains, so Xianyun shared some recipes with her as well. You were out on some commissions, so she had all day to finish making the food. You got home around sunset, and she had just finished preparing everything. "Y/n, perfect timing come with me" she said gently taking your hand and grabbing the picnic basket. And right back out the door you went. She took you to a private spot in Liyue and she set everything up. "Is this what a normal picnic looks like?" she asks as she finishes setting everything up. You laugh slightly and nod "Yes, Shenhe you did a great job"

𝑯𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒂

She had been quite busy with her work recently and she hadn't had a lot of time for you, and she felt terrible about it, so she wanted to plan something special for you. She got the idea to take you on a picnic so she picked a day when she knew you wouldn't be home. You were out with some of your friends that day so as soon as you kissed her goodbye and left, she got to work.

She spent all day making food for you and her so she could take you on a picnic later that evening. She finished about an hour or so before you got home so when you got home, she immediately went to greet you at the door. "Welcome home, love come with me I have a surprise for you" she said. She grabbed the picnic basket and led you to an area that was private and where the two of you would be uninterrupted "I know I've been busy recently and I hope this makes up for everything"

𝑵𝒂𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒂

Your birthday was coming up and your girlfriend wanted to plan something special for you. She asked a few of your friends what they thought she should do, and she came up with the idea to set up a picnic for you. One morning she woke up extra early so she could set everything up and it didn't take her long to get everything set up it took her about three or so hours, you hadn't even woken up yet.

When you woke up and walked into the kitchen, she greeted you with a hug and a kiss. "Happy birthday, Dear! I have something planned for us, come on let's go" she said happily. You quickly got ready, and she took you to a cliff nearby where you could have a view of everything as you two eat. "I hope you like it, love" she said as she finished setting everything up. "I love it, Natasha thank you"

𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒎 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈! 𝑳𝒆𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕!

[artaxlivs]

WE WERE ALLOWED TO ASK FOR TREATS??!!!?!?

*sobs in too busy to check tumblr yesterday*

Okay - I almost went back to that post and tagged you because you're so damn supportive and your comments always make me feel seen as a writer...but then I got 7 asks all within like 15 fifteen minutes and my brain got frazzled. SO, you're late but it's okay, you deserve it anyway.

"Trick or treat?"

"It's the first of November." Steve scoffed, backing away from the door so Eddie could step inside.

"Yeah....I'm late." He shrugged like 'what are you gonna do?' but then he huffed a laugh, "Or maybe I'm getting an early start for next year."

Rolling his eyes, Steve grabbed the almost empty bowl from the side table, "Well, all I've got left is the Mars Bars and a few Milky Ways."

Eddie stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets and tapped his sneaker on the tile of the entryway. His plan had been to do this last night, say 'trick or treat' and then offer himself up as the treat. To just...put himself out there. In a big way. Like he'd never been brave enough to do before. But he'd gotten almost all the way here and turned around - twice.

This was Steve. Steve Harrington. Nevermind the status and the money and the fancy car. This was Steve. The guy who'd dragged Eddie's lifeless body back through the gate and kept watch over him in the hospital to make sure the staff didn't 'accidentally' let him die. This was Steve. The guy who had been valiantly trying to make Eddie feel welcomed and less alone.

And Eddie was 99% sure that Steve has been hitting on him for months. He blushed around Eddie all the time for christsakes! But Eddie was such a fucking coward. He couldn't even bring himself to flirt back because that would mean exposing himself to the possibility of rejection.

Last night he'd dressed up like Danny Zuko from Grease because they'd watched it together on one of their weekly movies nights. Steve really loved that movie and had made many jokes - possibly flirtations - about 'summer lovin' and how he understood Sandy's turmoil about dating someone so different from who everyone thought she should date. It should have been a sure thing but Eddie had chickened out. Just like always.

Eddie blew his breath out long and slow, stared resolutely at the HHS on the leg of Steve's old basketball sweats. "What if...what if I wasn't asking? What if that was an offer?"

The HHS got closer as Steve stepped into Eddie's space, "You hiding candy in your pockets or were you offering something else?" Steve didn't touch, even though he was close enough to.

Eddie dragged his eyes up, meeting Steve's hopeful - thank god - ones and he just....said it, "Me? I'm offering me."

Steve grinned, biting his bottom lip and looking relieved. He stepped even closer, sliding his arms around Eddie's neck, resting their foreheads together, "Then...happy day after Halloween to me, I guess."

[rose-riot-johnson]

Guess what my Tumblr Peeps😁I've finally decided to give writing a fanfic about a Kaiju No 8 character a try and it's non other than Kafka Hibino😃👍When it comes to writing about a fanfic about him, I am excited to write a fanfic about him and I have tons of ideas in my head on what to write😃💡

*This fanfic contains 1 or more long paragraphs (mostly in the end of this fanfic)😅

💚I'll Never Be Satisfied, Until I See For Myself That I Shown You Enough Of My Appreciation For You, With My Love For You💚(Kafka Hibino x Female Reader)

Genres: Smut (Warning +18 ⚠️: Language, Nudity, sexual contact (including Oral (both receiving) (cock sucking and pussy eating), thigh and ass touching, ass grabbing, vaginal penetration, boob touching, gentle nipple pinching), Praise Kink, And A Hickey)

You actually got to meet Kafka, when he first saved your life from a very bad Kaiju and after he defeated a Kaiju. You became surprised about the fact that he was willing to exchange cellphone numbers with eachother, which was after you asked him about having his cellphone number. Months later you managed to see him in his Kaiju No. 8 form (up to reader's imagination on how and/or when the reader had seen Kafka in his Kaiju No. 8 form), which has not only gotten you excited, however it also has you suspecting that him using his Kaiju No. 8 form might have something to do with how he managed to save your life, prior to you meeting him, so your relationship with him has became official, eversince then.

With living in the same home as your boyfriend Kafka is the usual route that is mainly sometimes him coming home after fighting Kaiju with wounds wll that either he would take care of himself or you helping take care of his wounds or both and sometimes you getting tired out from (reader's occupation)(especially when you end up having a rough day during (your) work) to the point you felt bad for not being able to do the chores or not bei g able to help him. Every you do apologize for not being able help with with chores or do chores due to (you) feeling tired and/or sick, because of the fact you would feel terrible about not being able to do so for any reason, he would assure you that there's no need to apologize and your health is very important to him (if he's being honest your life is more important to him than having chores get done).

Kafka does try to make you feel better while being honest about your health and life being very important to him and in his eyes you were being too hard on yourself whenever you're unable to do chores or even help him do it for any reason, however you felt deep down it wasn't just about that. You felt like deep down you haven't shown him how much you appreciate everything he had ever did for you, especially with taking care of you and saving your life. You just will never be satisfied until you fully show him how much you appreciate him and you don't just want to hear it from him despite of you knowing he was telling you the truth. You also want to see his expressions and him feeling your appreciation, for yourself.

One night, you came up with a plan to show Kafka, how much you appreciate him and having him feel the appreciation you're about to show him. Once he came home from fighting the bad Kaiju, you decided to check on him for any wounds and surprisingly he didn't have any wounds, however once he sat down on one of the chairs in the kitchen you decided to give him a back, shoulder, and arm massage, as he goes, "I'm surprised you're massaging me like this, (Female Reader Name)... What's the occasion, sweetie?". "I don't think there's an exact specific occasion really, Kafka... I just figured I'd really show you how much I appreciate you and stuff... Even tough it will be your night, I will also take extra care of you, babe...", you replied with your sweet talking, as you sneakily unbuckle his belt, then quietly unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, knowing he's distracted with your conversation with him and with taking his shirt off, before going back to massaging him and asking, "Would you like anything to eat hun?".

Kafka was then confused as he replied, "I thought, I had the dinner you made me before my mission to fight another Kaiju, (Female Reader Name)?". You continued to massage his back, shoulders, and arms, as you whispered in his ear, "What about (dessert or a midnight snack)? I clearly remember that you haven't had dessert nor any snacks in a while, so let me treat you. Go on... Lay on the bed while I get dessert set up for you.", before you kissed him on one of his facial cheeks and stopped giving him a back, shoulder, arm massage, as you let him stand up, as his pants completely fell down. Before he was able to make an attempt to pull his pants back up and ask about how his pants feel down, you played innocent pretending you didn't notice his hard on, when you cooed, "Oh... What a surprise that your pants ended up falling down... Oh well... It might end up getting toasty in here later, so you might want to leave your pants off...".

Despite Kafka giving you a weird look on his face, he did what you asked, by finishing getting his pants removed and handing you that same pair of pants that fell off on him and replied, "I guess you're right, my weather lady... It still feels a little toasty inside the place, even after I took my shirt off... I should have remembered that you know, so well...", before winking at you, as he went inside the bedroom he shares with you, turned on the air conditioner, then lay on the bed, while he's waiting for you, as he's trying to figure out how his pants fell down. He was also thinking about what you mentioned about "toasty" in here, as he decided to pull his boxers down just to his knees, so he can keep his dick cooled down a little, then he saw you completely naked. He clearly doesn't know what he's blushing (and speechless) about more, the fact that you walked in the room after he pulled his boxers to his knees with his dick hanging out or the fact that you came inside the room, where he can see you completely naked.

Kafka then figured out you might be up to something, as he mentioned, "Since you walked in the room completely naked, what's your plan actually? Something tells me that my pants weren't unbuttoned nor unzipped... Infact my belt wasn't even unbuckled... Atleast not until you decided to massage my back, shoulders, and arms... What are you really planning, since you're not actually going to make me (desert or a midnight snack)?". You only answered him with, "You'll see...", before you happily continued, "And look... You even had your cock out just for me... I knew you were hard... I just didn't know you'd be this hard for me...", proceeding to get on the bed to get on top of him, as you sat on his face with your pussy inside of his mouth, giving him no other choice, except to eat and lick your pussy, while you stroke his cock, before putting his cock inside of your mouth.

Once you started sucking on his cock, you could instantly hear Kafka muffling, as if he has trouble holding back a moan, so you decided to deep throat his dick to see, if he does anything else. After he felt you deep throating his cock, he put his hands on the back of your thighs, then quickly moving his hands to your ass, proceeding to grab rough enough, as one of his attempts of letting you know he enjoyed how you we're sucking on his hard cock and the way you were deep throating, too. He also dined on your pussy, while trailing his tongue on your clit (considering that your pussy is still in his mouth, from you sitting on his face), as he would open his eyes on and off, looking at your ass (and still holding on to your ass) out of his enjoyment of what you're doing with him.

A few minutes later, you touched his hand to let him know that you're going to finally get off his face, as he then realized that you're done sucking and deep throating his dick. You turned around, then cooed, "I can't have you be finished yet, babe... We're just getting started, my precious... I really want to continue showing you my appreciation in a different way, darlin... I would love to hear your voice and actually hear your words, as I continue making you feel, so good... Let me show you, how much of a good girl I can be for you, Kafka...", proceeding to kiss his lips quick before you start riding on his hard cock. Once you started riding on his dick, the walls of your pussy hole already started to tighten around his cock, as he groaned and praised, "Fuck, (Female Reader Name)... Were planning this.. Oh God! The whole time? Fuck! Your pussy is always amazing on my dick, even tough you really are making a mess out of me, this time...", as he kept moving his hands to your hips, then to your sides, then to your boobs to gently, pinch your nipples, then sliding down on your sides to get his hands back to your hips, as he continued (with atleast a moaning, slight praise), "Please, (Female Reader Name)... You're taking such amazing care of me, in a unexpected way... Just please don't stop riding me like like this until I fill your pussy full... I need you... I need you to continue making a mess of me until I empty my cum inside of you... I'm begging you, my miss sugar angel!", as you were able to tell he was already, starting to get very pussy drunk and he was also showing his expressions on his blushing, face that he was feeling more than satisfied on how you were (and are) taking care of him.

You then replied as you groaned, "I'm glad you enjoyed it, handsome... I'm more than happy to hear you express how you truly feel about how I'm taking care of you, like this... And it's not just your praises that satisfied me... I can also tell from seeing your expressions on your cute and blushy face, that you're more than satisfied with how much I'm showing you my appreciation for you, this time, which made more very satisfied to see you satisfied, honestly... Since you don't want me to stop until you're emptied, to tell you the truth, I don't want to stop until then either, my sexy Kaiju...", which made Kafka blush even more, as you then continued to ride his cock, with his hand gripping on your hips, so gently. His whimpers and your moans then started to fill the room, the longer you kept riding on his cock. He would then move his hands from your hips to your ass, as he started to grab your ass roughly.

Kafka somehow managed to get himself to sit up, while roughly grabbing your ass and you continuing to ride him, before you proceeded to put a hickey on his left side of his necks, as he then loudly whimpered, "(Female Reader Name)! I think I'm going into a climax!". Once he emptied himself inside of your swollen hole, he wrapped his arms around you and you wrapped your arms around him, laying your head on his left shoulder. "You did such an amazing job with taking care of me hun... I really appreciate it, beautiful... Because of you this has to be the best night ever...", Kafka praised, proceeding to pet the back of your head and holding you a little tightly. "I'm glad Hibino... I'm truly am happy to finally be able show you, how much I really appreciate you and since I've seen your expressions, your (tones of your) voice, and feeling your enjoyment on what I'm doing with you and your body, I can now be satisfied with knowing that I more than satisfied you, which I have been wanting to do for you, babe...".

"I honestly, am more than satisfied with what you're doing with me... I'm surprised... I also get satisfied when I get to see you in general... Wheather it's waking up next to you in the morning or coming home from fighting Kaiju, when we snuggle together, you name it! While we do get our off days, just being able to see your face, hear your voice, and even snuggling with you can really satisfy me hun...", Kafka replied, so happily before he loosen his hug to look at you and continued, "Tell you what, (Female Reader Name)... Maybe one day... Or night... I might satisfy you and pleasure you in a way or in ways you wouldn't ever expect me to...", giving you a smirk on his face. You blushed as you replied, "I can tell you're trying to be cute with talking about satisfying and pleasuring me and I clearly think you can always be cute without trying... I love you, Kafka...", proceeding to kiss one of the sides of his facial cheeks. He blushed and replied back, "I love you too, (Female Reader Name)...", before Kafka decided kiss you into a lip locking sensation, which you enjoyed it from him to the point where you locked lips together. Next day when Kafka Hibino was patrolling with Reno Ichikawa and Iharu Furuhashi to see, of there are any bad Kaiju they needed to fight, Iharu joked, "Hey Kafka! You lost to a vacuum cleaner when you got home last night?", trying to hide his giggling and wanting to see, if Kafka realizes you put a hickey on him, leaving both Reno and Kafka confused, as Kafka replied, "What vacuum cleaner? I haven't touched any vacuum cleaners last night?", before Iharu giggled and replied back, "I meant your girlfriend must have left you a nice hickey on the left side of your neck!", as he then happily continued, "In all seriousness, she is definitely a good woman for you, since she left her mark on you and she must have shown you some love...", wanting to shake hands with Kafka, before Reno used a mirror he must have brought with him for Kafka to see for himself, as he tried to hide his happy blushing, after he realized that you must have put a hickey on him, while you were riding on Kafka's dick that night. He would then mumble to himself, "One of these nights... I'm going to definitely show her the lovin' she'll never forget... I will definitely show, (Female Reader) a good time for putting a hickey on me...", before he smirked, while still blushing.

💚The End💚

I really did my best with putting alot of thought into the fanfic and I do hope you enjoyed this fanfic about Kafka, especially with the ending, which the ending was last minute honestly😃👍While in ways this fanfic is similar to atleast some of the other smut fanfics, however in ways I decided to write it a different way😁👍If there are any errors in grammar or spelling I did rush the fanfic and/or forgot to proof read it first, the fact I really got excited to write this (or any) fanfic about Kafka (regardless of any genres (even if I was write about another genre instead of smut) and wanted to try different ways of writing this Kafka fanfic than I typically writing storyline wise😅😃👍The reason(s) why I'm inspired to write a fanfic about him is because I have seen posts mentioning about the Kaiju No 8 manga, then one day I decided to read one of the volumes of Kaiju No. 8 months ago and I really enjoyed the manga, so when I found out about the anime version of Kaiju No. 8, I was happy about it, and from watching the anime I like the anime (so far) and Kafka Hibino is definitely my favorite character from Kaiju No. 8 right now, so I just have my reasons💚😁👍I do hope to write about Kafka again one day, because I might have an idea or so on how I want to write it, considering I had fun writing this fanfic and I'm hoping you had fun reading this fanfic about Kafka, as well😃👍

[decolonize-the-everything]

I am in the process of getting a new doctor. And by that I mean my insurance dropped my first one roughly a year ago so I made an appointment with my new primary who was also dropped before a second appointment. Then I had a new one but I then I accidentally double booked my kids therapy for the same day and didn't realize til we were already at her appointment so I rescheduled a new one.

These are 3-6 months apart btw. That's what the wait-list for a primary is like here for me.

Anyway so I have a new appointment in September and this whole time I haven't been working ofc cuz im in pain 24/7 and even when I had a job I'd be sent home cuz I'd just start sobbing in the break rooms or I'd be late cuz I had anxiety and didn't want to go, etc (long list, tldr: I'd be a bad employee if literally nothing else). Besides that I've never gotten passed the interview stage when I was looking for a job here.

So yeah. September is when I see my new doctor who probably won't open my file until I'm in his office.

Remember that.

I go to an appointment about my cash benefits a few days ago, now right? I've talked to these people on the phone, they know what's up with my situation. They said they'd waive the obligations for me, nbd. And every now and then you gotta renew them too, just making sure youre still poor, haven't moved, etc. So I go in think it's a formality thing and they just wanna make sure nothing changed.

Nope. Nobody took notes or filed anything so it just looks like I have been blowing off obligations I had for 6 months :)

All this to say fuck them for giving me 30 days to see a new doctor that I literally I can not see until September when it's literally out of my power to make it happen faster. And I'll be lucky if this new person is willing to sign off on a brand new patients disability forms too.

After 30 days thats half of our money they take until I get those forms signed.

This is life for those of us who are queer, poor, & disabled parents of color.

Lots of people have lots of stigmas about me. And that's creates certain beliefs around me, most often that it can't be that bad or that I'm even making up how bad it is.

I'm telling y'all it's that bad. When my benefits get cut it won't be because I wasn't trying, I already have an appointment.

I can't work. My gf's paychecks are getting garnished (this means debtors are taking money btw). We're both deeply mentally ill even if we can't prove our physical disabilities.

When I tell y'all that these benefits and your help is the only reason we eat after they run out, believe me.

This blog is my lifeline and it's just hits different after the last few days to open my asks and see some dipshit saying more classist shit to me even on tumblr

And I know that someone like me does not have a safe space. Never did. Probably never will. But this blog is my lifeline so can y'all just....not?

Can you just leave me alone instead of projecting your awful beliefs about everything I am into my asks, please?

You don't know me. Quit pretending you do to justify all the hatred you have.

[crazyrav3n]

The devil's mark - Peter Steele Chapter 1.

I've never posted on Tumblr before.

This is silly, here's chapter 1 of my fanfiction.

"Arch your back for me, sweetheart."

!! for before you start this story!!

TW! Blood & gore mention, Sex, Kinky shit, masochism/sadism, !TW

(Yes this chapter will be a little boring, that's how it all starts out LMAO.)

It had been a while since you drank, or really even gotten shitfaced with your friends. You had been so busy with work, college, and everything that it became a burden for the extra time of friends or anything else. But it was summertime now, the bugs were crawling out of hell. When the burden of your parents came along- expecting you to come home for the vacation time you had, it aggravated you like no other thing could do. Your parents had always been strict- you would have to change your entire personality just to talk to them. They were strictly Christians and not the good kind. You would come home and get into a fight with your parents about even ripped jeans, it wasn't enjoyable. 

So when you argued with your mother about how you didn't want to come back just yet, she went berserk. It was horrible- she sent audio messages just screaming and the rebellious spirit in you wanted nothing more than to ignore her texts and do something fun, do something for yourself. 

So you did. 

Picking up your car keys, and driving to a local bar was a relief you hadn't had in a while. You would Uber home- that was the plan. The familiar smell of booze and liquor-filled your nostrils as you stepped foot inside of the bar, sitting down on an uncomfortable stool with no back.

As you talked to the bartender, handing them your ID- freshly old enough to drink you ordered something simple, a few shots of vodka. It was something easy that could get you messed up. You ordered some chasers to go with it, although you were here to drink alcohol- it didn't mean the taste was at all enjoyable.

Picking up a shot, holding back your tongue to swallow it and feeling that sour and acidic taste go down your throat practically ran a shock through your body. You released a strain of coughs at the hard taste, before sipping your chaser. It was alike instant relief to your burned tastebuds. But it burnt your throat and tongue so good, that smooth warm feeling dropped over you like a warm blanket instantly.

You didn't do much besides scroll on your phone, preparing yourself for the next few shots to come later. 

"Arent you just a pretty thing?" You saw a man sit right by you- his hair long, and his teeth longer. It was one of the first things you noticed about him, those sharp and pointy canines. It didn't really bring much to mind- it was getting more common for body modification. Infact you found some of it cool and cute, so the canines must've been made on instead. he was a interesting sight to say the least, he had his ears pierced and baggy pants on, a grey wife lover tanktop on with a cross necklace draped over it. His eyebags were large, his eyes almost pitch black. 

The shirt he wore made his muscles quite defined on his body, as well as his tattoos. You had considered getting a couple of tattoos but-

"Can I buy you a drink, Sweet little thing?" you heard him ask, a Brooklyn accent on his tone. His voice is deep and silky. 

Free alcohol never hurt anyone, you internally shrugged, on the outside nodding at him with a small smile.  It had been a while since a man offered to buy you a drink.

You prepared yourself as the bartender slid a drink towards you- on his tab. You took it with grace, letting that poison run down the back of your throat once again, grimacing from the taste. 

He stared at your every move, a smirk creeping onto your face as you produced a face of disgust from the shot. 

...It was going to be a long night.

.

He was a gentleman, kind of.

He was quite teasing, and as you two talked he stared at you with that shit-eating smirk. It lit a little bit of playfulness up in your body, you smiled back. He talked with gentleness to you, casually as you two exchanged what your life was like getting to know one another.

"What do you do for work?" you let slip out of your tongue, asking him out of curiosity. from his looks- it looked like he could be a model or a bodybuilder from how tall he was. He stood at wide and strong about 6'8, filling out his height. 

"Im in a band. I do music." He smiled at your question, taking a sip of his bourbon as he ended his words. It was surprsing- it was hard to make it out into the world with just music. It made your curiosity peak a little bit more.

"Whats the name of it?" You asked curiously, it was a simple question, nothing more.

"Type O negative."

.

.

.

No way. This had been one of your favorite bands since you were a teenager, you had band posters of them still in your house! He must be- a backup singer or something.

"Lead singer. Peter Steele, sweetheart." The words almost caused to freeze instantly. You had a crush on peter steele since you were quite young. You squinted your eyes, trying to make out his full appearance out of a drunken blur and the dim lighting of the bar- it was him. Or it was a replica of him- but whatever. Holy shit.

"I love them." you mumbled back, your jaw almost agape.

"Is that so doll? Im flattered." He smiled at you, with a small chuckle escaping his stomach. You could see him even blush a little from your words, it was a little embarrassing that peter steele himself was seeing you like this. Ugh. But- he was the one who took interest in you.

as you two begin to talk about the band he was in about your teenage years he found himself quite amused and entranced by you. You both drank a little more, before the night was blurry and a mix of laughs and a good experience.

"That necklace is quite nice." Peter stared down at your necklace, it was a little crow skull. It made you giggle ever so lightly, your hands instinctively going to grab it.

The tip of the skull snatched against your skin, creating a soft and quick wince from you as you created a small scratch on your neck.

"Fuck- I just scratched myself with that. What the hell?" You groaned as you felt cold blood softly bubble up at the surface, not too much but enough to be noticeable.

It was only a scratch- it would scab up in a few minutes or so. No need for anything. 

You looked back to see Peter staring at the small scratch, his face apathetic. It was hard to tell what he was looking at the small blood with. But his eyes were almost drawn to it- glancing between your eyes and then back to your neck.

and after a few seconds- he stared at it once again letting his guard down. His eyes were full of.. Hunger.

Rather than empathy.

Huh.