#(so subtext and hidden meaning behind words)

[dumb-fictionkin-sideblog]

I think

I think that me thinking I'm a compulsive manipulator for most of my "aware life" has something to do with the tism

[chiwhorei]

OOOOH THE BOYS uhmmm what abt gross daddy butcher ! butcher who's possessive of his little girl, keeping her locked up tight, hidden away from anything and everything that could hurt her.

Now Daddy Billy is a goOD DADDY. I feel like went a little crazy with this but the bugs in my brain wouldn’t let me stopp. Cough cough, my fatherless behavior, that’s the bugs.

Tags: incest, stalking, debugging, noncon, manipulation, daddy issues for REAL ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა♡

Daddy Billy who would would have Grace looking after you your whole life so no one hurts you. That means he was never around, but that was for the best- that’s what he’d tell himself at least. You aren’t just the most important thing in Billy’s life, your the only thing important to him. Billy is motivated by your existence alone, running towards a finish line, checking off names on a kill list to make it safe enough of a world for you.

The first time you meet Billy Butcher is at a bar close to campus, you’re out from Grace’s nose for the first time in your life, trying to have all of the normal-young-adult experiences.

That’s when you meet a man old enough to be your father.

He’s rough around the edges for sure but there’s something about the older man that seems to be dragging you towards him. Maybe it’s the fatherless behavior your friends always rib you about. He’s tall, undeniably handsome and has a sexy accent. His black hair and beard is peppered with gray, he’s got a jagged scar above one eye and his hands are covered in bruises and scratches.

Billy introduces himself with his real first name, testing the waters to see if Grace had told you anything she shouldn’t have. You introduce yourself with a clueless, glossy smile. He buys you a fruity drink and you laugh at his jokes. He lets you bitch about the stupid frat guy that just broke your heart, he even offers to kill ‘em if you give Billy his address. You laugh that off too, but there is intent behind his words that you don’t pick up on.

For a second Billy feels like the most normal person in the world. You’re not the daughter he’s been keeping tabs on since you moved to the city— now mere inches away from him instead of states apart. And he’s not the bastard everyone else knows him as, crawling around in your peripherals looking for a chance to pounce.

He shouldn’t have invited you back to his place, but you were far too drunk to walk home alone- plus his apartment is just around the corner! You wobble on your heels following him inside, and Billy catches you.

You start babbling and hiccuping and squirming in his arms. You’re body is feeling heavy and your head is foggy, usually just one drink doesn’t get you more than a little tipsy.

“How’s about Daddy takes care of you tonight, sweetheart?” And you giggle into Billy’s neck, nodding and running your fingers through the rough hair on his face.

“You- you wanna be my daddy?” You look up at him with lidded eyes, he brushes a fallen eyelash from your cheek.

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” You don’t catch the subtext between slow blinks, looking up at your father with no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into.

Billy makes a mental note to not dose you this strong next time, he almost feels bad at how out of it your are. But you also fall into the mattress so easy and you arch your back so pretty when Daddy’s hands paw at your ass.

He fucks you raw and deep. You cry out for your daddy and beg to be his good little girl. You want nothing more than to be a daddy’s girl, even barely conscious. That burns in Billy’s blood, pumping into your poor pussy even harder. He’s got a lot of making up to do.

[tyran-the-tyranical]

That one line from Raphael's Second Diary will never cease to get me 🥺 LIKE MIGHT I ADD- these are his private thoughts, separate from his manipulation attempts and so he, with his full chest, admits so much in his second diary, like when he says "never have I been so attracted to mortals as I am to those infested by the tadpole." AHH, (my delusions are so real, trust)

BUT WHEN HE SAYS "They gestured to the melting hooks, suddenly glanced my way, and in their face I saw they had the best of me." look, I get the subtext behind all these quotes, but a girl can just ignore all that media literacy and take it for face value, OK? 💅 but also reading into it, he does admire Tav to a certain extent, and I have to wonder, why? Tav isn't an origin character and Tav's actions and character basically changes with every playthrough (Same with Durge, as they can change too) So I have to wonder if it's because Tav is controlled by the player, since, Raphael does end up breaking the fourth wall in his epilogue speech, so perhaps that's what he sees.

Another way to look at it is, either way, no matter what the playthrough, he sees something in Tav, something that makes them stand out much brighter than their companions (For some reason???)

To further that statement, what is the best of Raphael? I mean, if its an evil playthrough, that would be obvious, but if you're playing a good playthrough, what then? perhaps what he sees is someone he can finally use to get the crown, that's also very likely. Still though that's a very to the point (IMO) not as interesting of a reading since it's literally just his end goal for us, BUT STILL A VALID ONE, because, it is true, that's what he wants from us the most.

Also his third diary where he just straight up admits that he's being so honest with us so he can manipulate us, love that for him, "I am master here. A prince of bargains cloaked like scarlet satin. All that hidden under sublimely obvious truths that cannot be discounted." Which also makes me wonder, is Raphael actually an honest person? I mean, Korilla thinks he's at least decent, but honest? outside of helping us, if we look at Yurgir, he really fucked him over lol. Obviously, Raphael isn't what he seems, even if he's honest with us, to what extent? he says it himself, he's honest about "...sublimely obvious truths..." but what about when he says he's grown quite fond of us in his own way, HMMMM?

I wish this man got a proper story arc in the game, outside of the whole deal for the hammer and House of Hope, that's all plot related for the hammer, but a storyline about Raphael as a character? I mean yea, maybe that would whisk away some of his mystery, his intrigue, but I'm sorry- you cant just end it with him fucking himself (poorly) and trying to break Hope (making her a metaphorical symbol of hope anyway, I think....) AND LEAVE IT THERE?!?!? at the same time, I do like the ambiguity of his character, you could think of him as a cruel bastard after seeing what he's done in the House Of Hope to his debtors and Hope herself or perhaps just a Pathetic lil guy who's shit in bed lol, or maybe even soft, if you go off Korillas words and what he does for us in game he can come across as quite nice, especially after we've interacted with Mizora who's is the only other Cambion example we can go off of.

I also just think it's interesting that he sees anything in Tav/Durge at all. Ofc he says he sees the best of him (Always gotta relate back to himself lol) but that especially a mortal is what he could see himself, the best of himself, but then again he does see potential and ambition as admirable (?) or just something he appreciates, you can see that with Mol and Gortash to some extent anyway, But what ambitions does Tav have outside of just trying to survive? Like, the obvious answer is he wants us to give him the crown and we're the underdog in the story but then why does he refer to Tav so differently then? I fear this has turned into another rant again, lol.

Just a final thought here, but, if he did ever get a story arc, similar to the companions, would they give you multiple directions to take his character? i mean with Shadowheart for example, you could help her break from shar or have her fully convert into shars chosen, but even then, if you free her from shar theres the point of saving her family or freeing her from Shars (curse?) there's multiple ways for her story to end. Though, Raphael isnt a companion, so would he have something similar to idk a minor companion like Halsin or Minthara, who don't really have that much of a diversion (I think) in their endings, they don't really have the option, only really if the player decides to be evil or not, they kinda just follow them either way, it doesn't really impact their own stories. Obviously, I would prefer something with nuance but also, HE ISN'T A COMPANION 😭 and pressingly some of the companions need more work done than he does atm lol. Maybe that's me just projecting lol, once again, me wanting to have my cake and eat it too, anyway, that's me done... for now lol

[tinybirbwrites]

The Ultimate Strategy (Astarion & Reader)

This is very silly. Set rather early on in the game. Nothing romantic, just silly and fun. Gender neutral reader, no use of y/n, sort of implied player!reader. Sort of graphical description of someone being set on fire? Not too graphic but it happens. 1,6k words.

People would often think you’re stupid—Astarion could tell by the way they looked at you or talked to you. He himself thought you weren’t the brightest of the bunch when he first met you. Ohh, but you weren’t stupid at all. Yes, maybe some logical thinking and some puzzles proved a challenge for you, and sometimes the subtext was too hidden for you to see, but you could read people quite well. You could tell when they were trying to fool you; there was always that little knowing smile on your lips and that glimmer in your eyes when you knew exactly what they were trying to do, and yet you went along anyway to humor them, only to beat them at their own game. 

Sometimes Astarion wondered whether you were a master diviner, someone who dreamed about the future every night, because he swore some things you knew shouldn’t be possible. He would see you buy or collect some strange item and think “how unnecessary,” only to be proven wrong a little while later. 

“Humor me,” he said to you one morning, making you look up from your bowl of leftover food from the evening before. “Why are we collecting these?” Astarion gestured over to the big pile of barrels, each either containing oil, smokepowder, or firewine. Quite hazardous, which is why it was being kept far away from Karlach’s tent. You had insisted on collecting each explosive item you could find and carry it back to camp, and because everyone had grown to trust you, no one argued. Because, just like Astarion, the other companions had also noticed your futuristic insight and fondness for ridiculous yet clever strategies. 

You beamed at him. “I’m so glad you asked, Astarion.” Putting your bowl down for the time being, you instead took a stick and drew some lines into the dirt. “Using your wonderful imagination for a moment here, you would see that this,” you tapped the middle of your drawing, “is the place right outside the grove. You know, where we first encountered the goblins that were attacking the tieflings and humans outside the gate.”

He tilted his head, then went to stand directly behind you to look over your shoulder. “I can sort of see it. What about it?”

“Well, my dear friend,” you turned your head and grinned up at him, waggling your eyebrows. “What if I told you that there will be a big confrontation, and we could easily solve it with the right means.” You nodded towards the barrels. “Just imagine; the whole field, full with explosive barrels. One little bolt of fire and they all go boom.”

Astarion imagined it, and yeah, okay, that sounded like fun alright. “And who are we blowing up, exactly?”

“The goblin army, of course,” you said, as if it was obvious. Noticing his frown, you quickly explained, “Everyone keeps talking about ‘the big goblin problem’ this and ‘the goblin camp’ that. Obviously there will be a confrontation at some point, and I just wanna be prepared for it. We’ll probably find out more once we go to the goblin camp ourselves.”

He raised an eyebrow, partly impressed, partly doubtful. “And, what? We just put barrels all over the field and hope they won’t notice and just walk right into the trap?”

You pursed your lips. “Okay, good point. Either we bury and hide the barrels, or we, uhh… Maybe we could put some illusion spell on them? Surely Gale knows a way.”

Astarion stared at you for a moment. “You’re only thinking about this now? You honestly thought the enemy wouldn’t notice—” he looked over at the pile and roughly estimated the quantity, “thirty-something explosive barrels standing around an open area?”

You cleared your throat and put the stick away to keep eating. “... Maybe. But, hey, thanks to you, we can prepare for it now. Thanks, Astarion.”

He could have made more indignant and snarky comments, could have teased you more, and usually he would have. But your smile was so earnest and genuine and bright, all he could do was make a small noise at the back of his throat and shake his head.

Turned out that Gale did indeed know some good spells to disguise the barrels, by putting an illusion on them to make people think they were something else, like a bush or a piece of wood or a big rock. After a few hours of setting everything up, you declared a job well done and that you all would infiltrate the goblin camp the very next day. 

Again, things worked out more smoothly than Astarion thought.

You’d revealed the grove’s location to the drow, Minthara, much to the other companions’ shock. When Karlach took you aside to question your decision, you had assured her that everything would be fine. “I planned for this, remember? It will all work out, trust me. They won’t step one foot into the grove, I won’t let them.”

Astarion personally didn’t really care either way—he had absolutely not grown fond of the tiefling refugees or any of their thieving children, thank you very much—but he was very much invested in your strange plan at this point.

So when the time came, tieflings and druids warned about the goblin army (with most of the refugees actually preparing for the fight, while the druids hid away like cowards inside the caves) and everyone stood up on the hill by the big horn, and you watched as at least a hundred goblins, big and small, together with their blood hungry pets marched up to the gate, you were confident. Perhaps even a little smug.

Minthara was on higher ground, the hill near the middle of the field, and Astarion remembered how you had insisted on carrying several barrels up there as well, fretting about their exact positions. Again, he was convinced you must have somehow known about this. This couldn’t be just a lucky guess or coincidence. 

Some of the goblins even carried little explosive barrels on their backs, which were lit up like a bomb as they ran towards the gate to blow it up. Before they could get any closer, you had already given Astarion the order to shoot the fucker down and let it explode next to one of your own hidden barrels. 

He held his breath, and everyone watched as the chaos unfolded so very beautifully. It was a wonderful and perfect chainreaction; one barrel exploded, immediately setting off the next, and then the next, the fire and explosions taking all of the goblins with it. Before Minthara could react, you quickly told Gale to throw a firebolt at one of the hidden barrels near her position as well. It hit, and Minthara was soon blown off the hill and hit the oil-covered ground. She screamed as she was burned alive, trying to put herself out and sort of succeeding. 

“Karlach, Wyll, can you take her?” you asked. 

“Thought you’d never ask,” Karlach growled, taking her greataxe in hand. 

“With pleasure,” Wyll nodded, drawing his own weapon. Again, under your command, they drank a Feather Fall potion to jump down, and Gale used some spells to put out the flames so neither of them would get burned to a crisp. They were resistant to fire, but not immune, and everyone knew you didn’t want your friends to get hurt. 

With fresh burns and wounds all over and her ears ringing from the explosions, Minthara could barely put up a fight. She tried, of course, and she did better than most in her position would have been able to. But with both Wyll and Karlach, still at full health and energized, she didn’t stand a chance. Merely a minute or two later, Minthara was dead. The tieflings cheered loudly, some patting you on the back while Astarion did his best to avoid the praise. The gate was opened to let Wyll and Karlach back inside, and you laughed as you were hugged and picked up by several people (sadly, Karlach still couldn’t touch anyone, otherwise she would have probably done the same). 

“That was incredible!” Zevlor laughed. “We barely even had to do anything, and not one of us got hurt!”

Later on, as you cleaned up the battlefield a little with some others, looting the goblin corpses, you eyed Minthara’s armor, then looked up at Astarion with a critical eye.

“What?” he asked, crossing his arms defensively. 

“Do you think this would fit your frame?” You gestured at the armor—it was rather beautiful, golden and dark gray, the shapes of the plates reminiscent of spiderwebs, fitting for a Lolth-sworn drow like her. 

“Maybe,” Astarion said slowly. “Why? You want me to wear it?”

You shrugged. “I think it would suit you nicely. If you want it, it’s all yours. Maybe Dammon could modify it a little if it doesn’t fit, before he leaves the grove.”

Astarion looked down at what he was wearing now—armor mostly made out of leather, good for stealth, but not the most fashionable, in his humble opinion. Then he looked back to Minthara’s corpse, humming thoughtfully. “Oh, by the Hells, why not? But I want it thoroughly cleaned, I can still smell the smoke and oil all over it.” 

You grinned. “It looks so good, right? I kept eyeing it when we first met her.” 

Reluctantly, Astarion relented. “Well, you’re not wrong.” Hesitantly, he asked, “You really think it will suit me?” He wasn’t self-conscious about his looks, of course. He just hadn’t seen his own reflection in quite some time, and he barely had any idea what colors suited him now. Though he supposed he was doing something right, because most people still swooned when they saw him—including even you.

You nodded eagerly. “Yes, trust me. Gold, silver, black, red, blue… all of it would suit you. I think you could make any color work, if done right. But this armor is just… perfect for you.”

Astarion did not blush—he wasn’t even sure if he physically could. But whatever the case, Astarion didn’t blush, ever, for anyone or anything. Absolutely not.

[pinkeoni]

More Willel Mirroring: Textual vs. Subtextual Abuse

So not only do Will and El's mirrored storylines reveal ideas about sexuality, but they also present an interesting narrative about the different facets of child abuse.

Also, for this post I think I want to just want to focus on season one. There is absolutely subtext for abuse across the other seasons, but since the first season was written to hold on its own, it does create an interesting self contained story about child abuse.

TW for discussion of child abuse

This time around I am probably going to be focusing on Will more than El, because Will's abuse lies more in subtext whereas El lies more on the surface. And there are layers of metaphor and subtext for both instances, which I touch on in my sexuality longpost, although it is much easier to point to El's story and say "she is being abused." After all, this is what happens in the show as well.

The age and lived experiences of the characters does impact their perception, however.

An adult like Benny is able to look at El and understand that she's likely been abused, but young boys like the party who don't know any better think she's crazy. Regardless, it's obvious with El, a little girl with a shaved head who doesn't say much with no sense of privacy that something is wrong with her.

I think that Will and El's storylines are meant to represent invisible versus visible abuse, thus El's abuse is textual while Will's abuse storyline is subtextual. With El, it's hard for her to hide her abuse. As for Will, it's much more concealed. In Jonathan's words—

"He's good at hiding."

The inclusion of this line is part of what points towards Will's abuse. It postulates a couple of questions— why is Will good at hiding and what was he hiding from? Furthermore, I think this line plays into the idea of Will's abuse being hidden. You can't tell just by looking at him that he's been abused, at least from what we see of him in the show. And when you look at his story from a surface level, you may not catch on to this.

Gleaning subtext from Will's flashbacks

El and Will are the two characters that we get flashbacks for, and for both we see what their differing home lives are like. El is being treated like a weapon in the lab by Papa, and Will shares some wholesome moments with Joyce and Jonathan.

Because Will is not presently on screen for much of season one, so a lot of his characterization has to be delivered through flashbacks. Within these flashbacks, there is a lot that can be gleaned from just below the surface that points toward Will being abused.

Lonnie may not be on screen for any of these flashbacks. But if you look closely, his presence is definitely felt.

Flashback #1) Castle Byers

First off, Castle Byers itself— the fact that it exists, and the fact that it's so far away from the Byers' house.

We aren't given an exact location for Castle Byers, other than it's in the woods behind their house. But it's not in their backyard, that's for sure. We also get a comment about Castle Byers from Jonathan later in the season, stating that it's his hiding spot. Why would Will need a safe space and hiding spot outside of his home?

Furthermore, Castle Byers is password protected, with a big sign in the front that reads ALL FRIENDS WELCOME in big letters. Is it not hard for one to infer that Castle Byers is meant to keep something out? Something not a friend?

More from this flashback, we know that Will used to be scared often to the point of having nightmares for a week.

"Anymore" implying that he did used to get scared in the past tense. Had Will just said "I don't get scared like that." it would have a different meaning. The "anymore" is an important inclusion. Will used to be very scared of something when he was younger, but not anymore.

Flashback #2) Should I Stay or Should I Go

The second flashback mentions Lonnie more explicitly, when we hear Joyce arguing with him over the phone over not showing for visitation. Perhaps the mention of him here is meant to subconsciously tie him to the other flashbacks?

This flashback also provides heavy subtext surrounding Will's sexuality, using this line from Jonathan.

I think it’s very likely that Lonnie was abusing Will because of his sexuality. We already have confirmation that he was verbally bullying him for it from Joyce.

Flashback #3) Will the Wise

Will the Wise was introduced in the first scene of the show, but this moment shows that Will the Wise is more than just a DnD character to Will. He’s something he goes to in search of comfort.

In this moment where Will is drawing him, we see that Will seems a little somber. Drawing can be fun, but it’s also a tool that Will can use to express his emotions, both good and bad. More specifically, Will the Wise is fighting bad guys.

Could these bad guys just be referring to Troy and his gang? Or someone else?

The thing about all three of these flashbacks is that they sneakily hide their subtext behind more pertinent pieces of information.

We are introduced to Castle Byers which becomes an important set piece. We are also shown that Will has a safe space outside of his home and used to get nightmares.

We are introduced to Jonathan’s distaste of Lonnie and also given clues about Will’s sexuality.

Will’s drawing becomes a plot point later (used to discern El from Will) but we are also shown that Will’s has a persona which he uses to fight “bad guys.”

The Upside Down as Subtext

Here's the main point I wanna make that took too long to get to, the Upside Down is used to deliver subtext about Will's past abuse.

But isn't Will being actually being tormented by Vecna in the Upside Down? Well I think it's both. Yes Will is literally being hunted by Vecna, and at the same time it's metaphorical for Will's abuse by Lonnie. Some things have a dual-purpose.

We know that the Upside Down is a dark mirror of Hawkins. For most of his time there, at least from what we see, he stays in or around his home.

Will is, quite literally, in danger inside of his own home.

Here.

R-I-G-H-T H-E-R-E. Right here.

My most solid piece of evidence that backs this is this moment where Will tells Joyce "Mom, it's coming!" and the following Byers House scene we see is Lonnie pulling up to the house.

Additionally, we do not see any attempts from Will to contact Joyce while Lonnie is there, along with Lonnie hammering over the hole in the wall and taking down the lights he was using to communicate. Lonnie's presence literally silences him.

Does Joyce know?

Joyce's comments in the sheriff's office suggests that she is aware of Lonnie's homophobic bullying, I think that just like the Upside Down, the extent of Lonnie's abuse is something that she doesn't fully understand. But she does want to.

Understanding does require communication from Will. And unfortunately for Joyce—

—he's good at hiding.

Evidence from future seasons does lead me to believe that Will forgot some of these traumatic memories, although if I were looking at season one on it's own, I would say that Will is hiding his past abuse.

If anything, Will was likely hiding this abuse as it was happening.

[yourheartonfire]

A few folks have asked about how to establish distinct character voices in dialogue. I'd say for me there are three key things you need to decide that help distinguish voices: 1. Your character's primary value, 2. Your character's main strategy in how they speak to others, 3. What your character wants in this moment and how they intend to get it.

And since everyone's talking about Goncharov (1973) right now, let's do a little scene study and look at the bedroom scene before the poker party. On the surface level the dialogue is simple, even trite. But it's the subtext that reveals character.

Here's a line by line breakdown, dialogue in bold, my comments in italics.

This scene of course immediately follows the involuntary revelation from Andrei that Goncharov knew something about Katya's father's death, a sequence that ends when Goncharov barges into the bedroom and asks:

GONCHAROV: Have you seen my braces?

He doesnt wait for an answer, strips off his shirt and starts putting on a clean one. Katya's thrown off her rhythm, as are we. After all the buildup of Goncharov as this unstoppable force of nature, this is... silly. It's disarming, it's intimate, it's human. (It's also sexy.) Goncharov meanwhile is distracted, doesn't notice Katya's expression in the mirror. It's not until he moves towards her dresser, where the gun is hidden, she says:

KATYA: On the chair.

Because of course she knows where it is. She knows Goncharov so well, yet not at all.

GONCHAROV: Thanks, love.

A rote endearment and a rote kiss on the cheek as he squeezes past her vanity. Such a great bit of physical business - that little squish and the face she makes. Katya puts down her make-up and watches him dress in the mirror. Does she directly confront him? Haha no.

KATYA: Must we really do this?

She presents this behind a bored sigh, as if her real concern were social. This is her strategy: hide her intelligence and fear behind this pouty, playful, spoiled persona, walking a fine line between demanding respect and not being taken as a threat.

GONCHAROV: Eh? Hurry up, we're going to be late.

Goncharov's strategy - ignore what he doesn't want to hear, bull his way forward. With a side of deflecting his own error - his lateness - onto his wife. It's gasoline on Katya's simmering anger. She stands, spoiling for a fight.

KATYA: I said, must we really do this? Why not stay home? Why do things that make us miserable?

I mean, there it is. There's Katya's real question and it flies completely over Goncharov's head. He cannot hear what she is asking him because they are speaking different languages. He assumes she's being a brat and again, brushes her words away.

GONCHAROV: We don't have time for this. What's the matter with you?

If he'd actually meant that, actually took a minute to hear what was wrong... But he doesn't. Vest still unbuttoned, he grabs her and steers her out the door. She lets him, still complaining as he frogmarches her down the hall.

KATYA: Maybe I have a headache. Maybe I need to pin you to the bed and make sweet love to you all night! Stay home and find out.

MARIO AMBROSINI: I'd understand if you take her up on that.

The Russians pull up short. Mario Ambrosini stands (beautifully framed) in half shadow in their living room beside the open door.

Goncharov immediately releases Katya, slips into character as Il Straniero.

GONCHAROV: Mario, my friend, I did not know you were meeting us here!

He embraces Ambrosini, who is notably less comfortable with physical affection than Andrei. Ambrosini prefers to be the one needling people.

MARIO AMBROSINI: I did promise to take you for a ride in the new auto. If you are still coming?

Goncharov turns to Katya.

GONCHAROV: My dear. Do you really have a headache?

There's a sincerity there under Il Straniero's charm. He is offering her the chance to stay home. Katya tightens her lips.

KATYA: I'll get my bag.

She marches off. Goncharov and Ambrosini are left awkwardly together. Goncharov shrugs with smarmy smile: "Women, amirite?". Ambrosini does not smile back.

MARIO AMBROSINI: What if she really wanted to fuck you?

Before Goncharov can answer, Katya returns, purse under her arm and fastening her watch (!) on her wrist.

KATYA: Are we going to a party or are we standing around with our dicks in our hands?

She flounces out the door, Ambrosini jumping to offer his elbow like a gentleman. Goncharov takes a deep breath and follows them.

So there you go. Goncharov's value is establishing his business/power base, his strategy is dismiss/ignore, and what he wants is Katya to fall in line and do what he says. Katya's value is relationships and safety, her strategy is to hide her real concerns behind this big, outrageous persona, and what she wants is to make Goncharov slow down and think. And then of course Ambrosini is a mystery, but I'd say his value is to defend his Naples power base, his strategy is to needle at people's insecurities, and what he wants is to throw Goncharov off his game.

Hope this is helpful to those looking to learn from a great script and a great movie!

[aermageddon]

I'm curious, do you think baekhyun was shading anyone when he said 'don't make too many celeb friends' as advice on star diary the other day? i thought he just meant like in general but i'm seeing lots of speculations it could be taehyung or ravi shade and idk?

baekhyun never says anything without 100% having an agenda behind it. like right off the bat I want you to know that - as a baekhyun stan - he is completely aware of the way his fans take every word he says and cling on to it and he is also aware that the deeper meaning behind what he says will be probably analyzed by most fans. out of every member he's the one that most often uses that power to set a public narrative/turn an opinion around/do damage control/speak on another public matter he very well can't do explicitly. working in pr and stanning baekhyun is a full time job cause most times i am left reeling thinking about why he said it and how he intended that to work over his audience lol.

anyway all that prelude is to say yes I think when baekhyun said "don't make too many celebrity friends" he was shading the industry but not targeting one idol specifically. I think he did it for two reasons: the main explicit message and the subtextual hidden one.

my guess is the main explicit one is obvious which is: he gave a 16 year old idol who has just started out her career a very wise and common sense piece of advice she actually really needs to remember if she wants to make it in this industry for the long run. I think it came out of a genuine place of caring because people will try to get to you in order to further their own agendas. and since being predatory towards young female idols is so prevalent that advice is twice as important for eunchae

my guess for the subtext hidden message in his very pointed comment probably has to do with a) the way sm mediaplay has been trying to smear exo's image since the lawsuit and how most if not all celeb friends who appear to be close to them didn't lift a finger to defend them, b) the whole bts book bullshit and armys once again jumping to talk shit about exo when no names were dropped - if you remember I already talked about how bts and exo were actually friendly back in the day until bts decided to capitalize on the self victimizing narrative and let their fandom paint exo and other idols as their bullies, and c) to a less probable extent kai's enlistment and the whole ravi thing. i'm less convinced on this last point because we simply can't know how much ravi's situation influenced kai's plus they haven't been as close as the fans want to think they were years ago. kai has said multiple times his only idol friend outside exo is taemin as recently as two months ago so i don't really buy that even though exols seem to think baekhyun was 100% shading ravi which imo is dumb and doesn't really do anything for kai.

but to the people saying it's not that deep or that baekhyun didn't mean anything by it I can tell you right now. baekhyun always always means something by what he says and everything he says is intentional because he's a messy bitch who loves drama but also because he's almost uncomfortably good at shaping his fandom's opinion/view of things

[idrellegames]

I cannot count how many times I’ve replayed wayfarer, and every single time I make one small choice that winds up changing so much, and I love it. I can’t imagine how long that must have taken. I’ve explored all the different backstories, too, and the only thing I’ve kept consistent is that my Wayfarer is always smitten with Aeran (because I am, love me an angsty elf). It really does seem like every time I go through I discover something new. For instance, I did not know you could take the weird Faran relic from Drakehand. Anyways, all this to say, I love your writing and characters and all of it. I am curious though, out of all our introduced major characters, who is your favorite to write?

Hmmm good question! I genuinely enjoy writing everyone, I don't really have a favourite? There's never a character where I go "ugh, I don't want to deal with you now, why are you here" (with the exception of Aeran trapping me in a 90k word dialogue loop in Episode 3 and I was getting a little tired of cycling through variations of the same conversation by the end of it 😅).

Mel is always fun because he has a lot of hidden meaning and subtext in how he phrases things. Phaedra is delightful, I really enjoy writing politically-minded characters because of their dialogue (Zenaida falls into a similar boat). Sabien amuses me to no end. Nova's prickliness is very enjoyable, she likes to stir the pot in certain circumstances.

Veyer kind of steals the show, if I'm very honest. They're always fun, but they have a lot going on behind the scenes, so there's a lot of nuance to their character that doesn't necessarily come to light right away.

[waitmyturtles]

Not a lot of deep immediate thoughts about the Thursday EAW episode, just a few takeaways. (I’m going to have a more macro post tomorrow about some bigger themes I’m seeing in the series so far.)

1) LOVING THE COMEDY IN THIS. I mean?! Going through the date list! Attorney Jung! Jun-ho on his Fast and Furious thing! 

2) To me, this was a bridge episode to allow for the spotlight on other characters -- and I’m keeping an eye on Su-yeon, who’s keeping an eye on Min-woo’s scent trail. Just a guess, but I think Su-yeon (of course with CEO Han) will be a part of a hopefully eventual Min-woo takedown. Also, I just really liked the focus on Attorney Jung, even though it was him in fear and him getting sick in the end. He’s a human and lovable character.

3) Speaking of Attorney Jung and my past thoughts on equitable behavior towards Young-woo -- I appreciated that in both the Wednesday and Thursday episodes, that he demonstrates anger towards Young-woo. Bosses get angry. That happens in offices. Young-woo’s not immune to pissing off her bosses. He doesn’t hold back from telling her his thoughts, or dumbs down his language for her. She’s ripe for the equitable barrage as any other attorney would be in that situation. And like, she’s a rookie attorney, so OF COURSE she’s gonna piss off the bosses! I love that the writing sets her up for this experience.

4) Speaking of equitable behavior -- I absolutely LOVED the interaction between Young-woo and her father. How many times have we seen that trope in, like, all dramas? Dad saw you kissing? Girl, dad’s pissed! Bring him home! Keep the trope! We don’t know if Gwang-ho is overly concerned because of Young-woo’s autism -- but do we really need to know? Dad wants to meet the guy kissing his daughter, damn it! 

5) And speaking of equitable behavior one more time -- I really did appreciate Jun-ho’s speaking his mind to Young-woo. I think it could be construed as unfair for Jun-ho to expect Young-woo to know if they’re dating, because she’s a very literal person who made a very literal list of date ideas. But does the list of dates construe “dating”? 

Remember Young-woo speaking to her dad about “context” and “tone.”

“I don’t like the word ‘context.’ It’s as difficult as the word ‘tone.’ When I was studying law, I didn’t have to figure out the context and tone that were hidden behind words. But I think that’s not enough for some cases.”

I think I can take this train of thought, where she’s meditating about a case and patriarchal society, to apply to what happened with her and Jun-ho. For Jun-ho, dates mean “dating.” Not for Young-woo. She doesn’t understand that context and subtext of the act of dating. But, he’s hurt, anyway -- and he tells her, and she’ll have to figure out what to do with that. We don’t quite get an indication of what that means, yet, but it seems like she overhears a conversation in Jeju that may relate to this theme next week.

More tomorrow, after I’ve chewed a bit more on my macro thoughts. 

[thepalmofyourfreezinghand]

Books anon/ I’m kinda the same as you I rarely read contemporary novels unless it’s one strongly recommended by someone whose opinion I trust. I’m a big fan of Russian literature and I’ve recently started reading Remarque’s novels and so I’m planning to delve more into german literature. Do you read books translated into your native language or english? And do you have any recommendations?

Oh my god anon, I feel sooo ignorant but I just put 2 and 2 together and realized that the best international film is based on the Remarque novel. I feel so stupid 🙃. Are you reading that one? I’m sooooo behind with German literature. I’ve read some Mann, some Hoffmann and some Hölderlin and that’s it. I wanted to read Effi Briest by Theodore Fontane this year but I think I’ll have to postpone it to next year (classics about women searching for love outside of a loveless marriage and then finding and losing themselves in adulterous affairs are my favorite thing ever). I also have a couple of works by Ludwig Tieck that I’m dying to get to. Honestly life is too short and it’s a damn tragedy that I’ll die before reading all the stuff I want to haha.

I pretty much only read books in Italian because I’m too lazy to look up the words I don’t know the rare times I read in English/Spanish. I can get them from context but it’s not the same, and I always feel like I’m missing on some subtext or hidden meaning or whatever. I’m lucky enough that Italian editions of classics are amazing and there’s a huge second-hand market, so it’s not too expensive.

For Russian literature I absolutely suggest you read The government inspector, by Gogol, if you haven’t already (it’s a play but it reads very easily). I think I mentioned it already on here but it’s by far the funniest classic I’ve ever read. I mean, I was laughing out loud half the time. It’s about a village where an inspector from the government is expected, and then a random guy shows up and the citizens mistake him for the inspector and he takes advantage of that, and a series of ridiculous events and misunderstandings enfold.

I think it’s also such a good work to “understand” a certain aspect of Russian mentality during that time? This is very generally speaking, btw. But Gogol clearly shows how everybody twists themselves into pretzels to accommodate the requests of the “inspector” and to show him how great the village is, even though the “inspector” is clearly an idiot. And it reminds me of a passage from Dead souls (again, by Gogol), where he talks about how the average Russian man working in an office spends his time bowing in front of his superiors and erasing his entire wishes and identity in order to appease them, even if they’re barely above him in rank and they’re horrible people.

It’s a very easy and funny read but it also leaves a bitter taste in your mouth :).

What about you, anon? Do you have any German lit suggestions?

[dayslikecrazypaving]

Fic : Asking for the time - Leela/Narvin

Rated - G/all ages - fluff and angst

Narvin had carefully cultivated a natural disdain for voice calls over the centuries. His career in the Celestial Intelligence Agency had taught the precarity of the spoken word. Once you’d transmitted your message into the ether, it became an uncontrollable beast. Words could be twisted, recorded or misunderstood. They could be transmitted back against you or delivered to your enemies. If you had to deliver information verbally - it was best to do so in person where the recipient's reactions could be carefully categorised and monitored.

Spying for Gallifrey for hundreds of years allowed him to gain mastery of his written communications. Every sentence was constructed with layers of crafted subtext designed to misdirect, misinform and signpost to allies and opponents alike. He could bring down the High Council with a carefully placed footnote.

Could he convince Leela of the necessity and the art form of the coded message? No. No he could not . He had a better chance of teaching Rassilon the Tango.

It had been easier to keep her safe when Maris had been under his employ and he’d had no way of contacting her directly.

It bewildered him. He knew Leela was probably the most brilliant tactician on the planet (bar Romana), yet she’d insisted on taking a two way radio transmitter back with her from the negotiations. He’d warned her repeatedly not to use it unless there was a great emergency. He’d stressed that it was absolutely imperative that it not be used frivolously lest it be used to compromise either Mancipia’s tactical position or their own.

She’d disregarded all the cautionary evidence he’d presented. Nothing could dissuade her. Every single night since she’d returned from the negotiations, just before the last bells, Leela would call. They never spoke for long. Narvin couldn’t bear the risk of prolonged conversations, his brain calculated the 4D chess of the necessary risk assessments continuously. Nothing was worth risking her safety, certainly not just calling him to pass the time of day.

She always asked the most inane, unfathomably simple questions - on the nature of time, Gallifreyan history and simple trivia known to time tots. The first week he’d wracked his brain for the hidden meaning behind her questions, trying every cipher he knew so he could decode her conversations in case she was under duress.

The second week he’d relaxed slightly - but he was still apprehensive. In the third week, after a particularly close shave for Romana, where the whole operation had been within an inch of tumbling down like the proverbial house of cards, he’d snapped.

Leela had been asking him about the star systems local to Gallifrey she could see from the settlement. He interrupted her rudely, cutting her off mid sentence. He mentally winced at the harsh edge of his voice.

“I can’t do this anymore, Leela. I cannot risk you calling me for no reason.”

His finger hovered over the call button, ready to terminate the transmission, but he couldn’t do it. Leela’s voice had dropped from the call. His righteous nervousness had fled, taking his justification for telling Leela to be quiet with it.

“ Narvin, why do you think I’m calling you? ”

Leela’s voice was unusually flat, without her usual melodic intonation. Narvin��s brain refused to cooperate momentarily.

“ I don’t know. I haven’t been able to crack your code. ” He admitted gruffly.

Leela chuckled, he could hear the joyous disbelief in her laughter. Narvin had to admit privately it was the sound he’d missed most since leaving the axis.

“ Narvin. I haven’t been trying to deceive you, or send smoke signals of my true meanings .”

Narvin felt his hackles automatically rise at being laughed at, and he tried to prepare a sharp retort but all that came out was slightly indignant stuttering, which only made Leela laugh harder.

“I wanted to hear your voice, Narvin. Is that so hard to believe? ”

Narvin’s hearts decided now would be a great time to beat a syncopated rhythm against his rib cage in disbelief.

Swallowing heavily he responded, “ it’s a variable I hadn’t considered .”

“ You and Romana are the only trail markers I have left for the way home. She’s lost to me at the moment but I know she’ll find her way out of the darkness in the forest. She always does. The negotiations made me realise the loss of your company was becoming too much a burden to bear”.

Narvin’s respiratory bypass kicked in. Deciding to be honest over the airwaves wasn’t the easy choice to make.

“ Did I ever tell you the myths of creation behind the constellations of Kasterborus? ”

A sigh of relief and contentment from Leela eased the fear in his chest.

“ I can’t remember,” Leela replied softly, “will you tell me?”

“Well” Narvin began, with a wry but grateful smile, “ I hope you’re sitting comfortably, because this begins before the time of Rassilon.”

Narvin didn’t terminate the radio call that night till the first bell in the morning.

That evening he made first contact. Leela answered only a few seconds later, but he was fairly sure he’d aged in the space between initiating the call and Leela picking up. He’d never been so nervous about a call, even in the most tense of diplomatic negotiations.

Forgoing any salutations he dove in.

“ Will you tell me about the history of the Sevateem? I want to know how your tribe came to be ”

“Good evening to you too, Narvin,” Leela responded and the tension melted from his body as he could hear the smile in her voice.

He sat and listened and suddenly he was home.

[therealnightcity]

😍 : What does your OC find irresistible in others? 🔥 : What’s a surefire way to make your OC get flustered? 💐 : What is their courting style? How would they woo someone?

Hot asks for @wanderingaldecaldo 🥰💕

Hiro and Ares:

😍:

Hiro finds transparancy fascinating in others--people who are upfront and don't veil their words in layers of subtext, and who are honest with him. He's accustomed to searching for the hidden meaning behind words, the catch to everything, so to meet someone who means what they say is intriguing and a little disarming. But he also finds it absolutely irresistable, and they're the sort of people he finds himself gravitating towards, and trusting the most quickly.

Ares has always been attracted to an adventerous nature--someone who's spontaneous and takes joy in the little things, or new experiences--that sense of wonder and curiosity is something she shares, and she often finds herself feeding off the good vibes, in a feedback loop. On the more physical sense, she's definitely captivated by people shorter than her--she's always felt long-limbed and a little gangly, so seeing people who are so graceful and sure of themself catches her eye. Creativty is another draw--she's very mechanically minded so art feels almost like magic to her, a completely different way of thinking.

🔥:

One of the things that flusters Hiro the most is genuine affection. Flirting, yeah he can do it in his sleep, and as much as he enjoys it, it's something he does almost automatically. Genuine compliments are a very easy way to get a rise out of him--not just his appearance, or what he can do for someone, but him. For as much confidence as he has in himself physically, he has very little in his personality, or the conviction that someone would want him around if he wasn't doing something for them. Even just a 'that was really kind, thank you' is enough to catch him off guard, and get a sheepish response. Praise is a surefire way to get him flustered, almost speechless.

Ares is flustered by people taking a genuine interest in what she's doing, or giving her that space to talk about it. She has a tendency to ramble a little, and usually cuts herself off when she notices, or feels like she's getting too enthusiastic, and understands that not everybody wants to listen to an info-dump on cars or that one sunset in the Badlands, or her favorite hiking spot, or-- Her shop is pretty isolated, aside from customers, and a couple Nomads she goes out of her way to see. In turn, she takes people talking about their hobbies very seriously, and is happy to listen, craves that sort of connection, even if it's about things she might not know a lot about.

💐:

Hiro's courting style is best described as 'accidental.' Even if he has feelings for someone, he's more shy than someone would expect when it comes to pursuing someone. He'll gently tease them, or loves to banter, and curtails it short of it being sharp or unpleasant, but he loves that back and forth. He's not usually good with outright saying it, or asking, but he'll do things for them--make them food, or coffee, and make sure they're taken care of, if they're a guest. Or he'll offer to show them around the city--the best restaurants, the prettiest, most out of the way places. If someone called him out, he'd be quick to say they were friends, that he just wants to make sure they're happy, even if both of them know that it's more than that. Once in an established relationship, genuine affection is still enough to make him sheepish but he's more upfront about acknowledging it--doesn't want to hide his feelings any longer--that's his partner and he's proud of it.

Ares, when she realizes that someone is interested in her, and vice versa is much more intentional. She's the type to try to plan quality time with someone she's interested in--suggest dates or places they could go, or might pull the clueless Nomad card (which also isn't an act, some of the time) 'hey I don't know my way around the city very well--any places you recommend?' She's considerate--likes to find out what her lady likes, whether it's something that's simple, romantic, or a little more extravagant (although she's secretly hoping for the first two, she likes the more casual things, and hyper-formal is definitely out of her comfort zone.) Her courting style is attentive and kind, and it's definitely given people the wrong idea before, since it often overlaps with her personality.

[lovelyfirebouquet]

I am frustrated.

Why does nobody say what they mean?

Everything is hidden under 100 different layers of subtext and "hints."

If something one friend does bothers another, even something so simple as a conversation topic, it's left unsaid and festers within the bothered party until it either bursts or is disclosed at a later date, when all that had to be said was "This conversation topic bothers me" or "I don't enjoy talking about this, can we move to something else?"

In prose or literature, things are meant to be dissected and digested. In media, this is FINE. I love looking for the puzzle pieces buried in the sand. But in real life, between close friends, it is incredibly exhausting to constantly hunt for the emotions behind each ignored comment, each remark.

Isn't it easier in the end to say what you mean? To resolve things quickly?

I'd rather someone who doesn't like me tell me outright than go along with the whole charade of kind words but sharp and bitter insults behind closed doors, or worse, occasional ignoring. It's anxiety-inducing and incredibly frustrating.

[stargazeraldroth]

Hm… I’m curious- How does 404 even know Ink? Assuming he actually knows him at all, of course- Did he wanna be Ink’s rival when they were younger, only to get upstaged by Error? We’re they friends and 404 just got way, way too possessive? Does he actually think Ink is in love with him, or does he not care about that? Do Ink and Error even know he exists, or is this a case of, like, erotomania or something?

Does Didi factor into it at all- What does she think of Error and 404?

Congrats, Anon, you did it. You made me look up what erotomania is. Not like it's dramatic or anything, since I know some similar words (such as nymphomania), but still. I didn't even know this was a word. For those who don't know what that word means, it's basically just an excessive desire to smash like hell.

And you know what? Yes. Yes he does. He's also a fricking yandere, for that matter. But the erotomania isn't that important, it'd really just be like, trivia or subtext or some crap. I know I said that there would be more mature content in the Pokemon AU, such as Pokemon experimentation (*cough* Didi *cough*) and potentially even character death, but I don't know how I feel about adding any kind of NSFW content. If I do, it'd most likely be in the form of adult jokes, like the ones hidden in cartoons or something.

I actually forget what the plan for 404 was, so I'm just gonna be pulling everything out of the trenches of my memory and my ass. I think one of the ideas was that 404 was gonna be one of the students that went to the same academy as Ink, Error, and others. 404's a strong trainer in his own right, but battling also isn't his strongest passion. I'm thinking he's kinda like Colress. I'd say he and Ink at least knew each other, maybe they were classmates, but drifted apart due to different paths- Ink went on to become a Champion and 404's working as a scientist. The important thing with the Cult is that they're all pretty delusional, which should be obvious by their goal of obtaining perfection by any means (and what the frick they're doing), so 404 is very much delusional about what could be. I like to think that 404 and Error were always rivals, even when Ink wasn't in the picture, and the fact that Error married Ink just rubbed salt in the wound for 404.

Astral Mother: And then we'll kill Ink, one of our greatest opponents-

404: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Astral Mother:

X-Gaster (he's also here, completely separate from normal Gaster):

404:

Astral Mother: ... Fine. You can keep him.

404: YAY :D

Didi is actually very crucial to the storyline, more than what you'd expect for a Champion's Pokemon. Didi was actually one of the Pokemon experimented on and abused by the Cult, which led to the discolored look they have. Instead of looking like a shiny Diancie, they have a brownish palette for their "skin" (is it skin or is it all just rock?), to match Broomie's own color palette. I forget if I mentioned that, but Didi's basically the Broomie of this AU, hence why she has a nickname and isn't just called "Diancie". The Cult used Didi to create hundreds if not thousands of diamonds for their larger scheme. This is where Ink comes in: in true Protagonist Fashion, he ambushed the operation and beats everyone there, freeing Didi in the process. Now, just to clear things up, the Cult wasn't present for this. It was actually a different group carrying out orders from the Cult. In other terms, the Cult is pulling the strings behind everything, and other Cults essentially get forced into cooperating with them.

As for Didi's bond with Error, there... really isn't much of one. Until it gets revealed, Error's actually one of the only people who knows about Didi being in Ink's possession. And while he can't say he's too fond of Didi, they're a good Pokemon. He just wishes they would stop trying to jump on the bed, they can't keep replacing the sheets and blankets. Well, they can, they're rich, but you know what he means.

So, to summarize: 404's a yandere and a sore loser, Didi is an experiment survivor, Didi tolerates Error, and Didi despises 404.

[raine-kai]

Contextualizing the Messy AkiHaru Scene

So...it came to my attention that a lot of translations of the scene where Akihiko crashes at Haruki's house in chapter 20 of the manga or the anime movie suggest that nothing happened more than we see in the panels/on the screen.

This is a translation error. The Japanese is unambiguous that a lot happened during the scene break; the art backs this up, in the change to Haruki's hairstyle from before to after the scene break.

Mainly, I want to retranslate for people who are interested, who didn't know that this was a mistranslation. But, I think that no matter how the scene is translated, there are subtexts and undercurrents that are lost, that cannot be simply translated into existence.

So I would like to explain several things in the lead-up to the scene in question, as well as in the aftermath, in order to hopefully give more context.

WARNINGS FOR SPOILERS AND NONCON

Notes on Translation: Given astonished me from its very first chapter with its deliberate and brilliant use of words. It is a story that is so incredibly articulate when it wants to be that moments of wordlessness or fragmented words are equally articulate, for they are crafted with as much deliberation and care as the articulate moments. As anyone knows who has ever tried to translate something, just plain translating the surface meaning of words often leaves a lot of the meaning behind. I will do my best to convey in English what the original text conveyed to me in Japanese, but it will inevitably fall short of the original text.

The Lead-In

First off, let's talk about Akihiko and the particular damage that he brings with him into this scene. He, of course, has the argument with Ugetsu and the fact that he has nowhere to go; but he has also been living this way for two years, presumably only a little longer than he has known Haruki. Akihiko describes the patterns that he and Ugetsu go through:

[Translation: "Even since Ugetsu and I broke up, we periodically continue to clash. Sometimes it's about the timing at which Ugetsu found a new guy. Sometimes it's just before or after Ugetsu is away for a long time. Sometimes these clashes come suddenly, immediately after we have been intimate for a few days, just like we used to be.]

Later, Akihiko reveals that he has a pattern of dealing with being kicked out of the home he shares with Ugetsu by finding someone, anyone to stay with. He has come to associate these stays as transactions, where the thing that he provides is most often sex. (We also see this transaction-based approach in his relationship with Ugetsu, for whom he feels compelled to cook—a thing that he later continues for Haruki with an urgency that does not match Haruki's easygoing acceptance of this dynamic.)

In fact, we see hints that perhaps Akihiko associates crashing with someone with providing sex to a deeper degree than even he acknowledges, in a scene in volume 1 where he crashed at Haruki's apartment while drunk, and upon stating it would be too much trouble to pull out a futon, did not merely crawl into bed with Haruki, but on top of him.

[Translation: Haru: Akihiko, get a futon and sleep wherever... Aki: Whaaat? But that's so much effort... Haru: So sleep on the....floor....]

So this is a deeply engrained association for Akihiko.

However, it is also a part of his life that he has gone out of his way to conceal from Haruki. From Haruki, he has not merely concealed the many times that he has essentially prostituted himself for a place to sleep; he has also hidden from Haruki that he has any flatmate at all, much less the nature of his relationship with said flatmate.

Haruki has the idea that Akihiko used to sleep around, but does not anymore. He is blinded partly by his own desire to see only the best parts of Akihiko; he is also blinded by Akihiko's desire to only reveal the best parts of himself to Haruki.

In volume 4, we see the moment that Akihiko lets slip that he has a flatmate, and the degree to which this shakes Haruki.

But the more emotional moment for Haruki comes when he realizes that Akihiko is talking to him on the phone while having sex with a woman.

[Translation: "That was a woman.... He was totally having sex."]

No promises have been broken; no trust has been betrayed. But there is an illusion of Akihiko that Haruki has, that Akihiko himself has carefully cultivated over the recent months for a reason that even he cannot explain. It is a paper-thin illusion, that only held up because Akihiko and Haruki both wanted it there.

But now, that illusion is shattering.

This just so happens to overlap with Take suggesting that Haruki take on a support role in his ex-gf's band.

Haruki has struggled from volume 1 with insecurities. He is the band leader; he is the one who brought them together, the one who runs their social media, the one who keeps them in line. Given is a band that absolutely would never have existed without Haruki. Yet he feels outshined by the other three members. There are several scenes depicting Haruki struggling with this. Akihiko is often the one to whom he voices his insecurities, and always without fail sets him straight. There is one particular exchange, during the same conversation when Akihiko reveals that he has a flatmate, when Haruki calls himself ordinary (凡人枠) and Akihiko retorts that he is not, he is 調停者枠....which is difficult to translate, but essentially means mediator, but in this case is denoting that he is the one who brings the different pieces of the band together (both musically, and as a person). Akihiko tells him then, "You're the one that everybody seeks," with a particular look in his eyes even as he reaches for Haruki's face. (Haruki pulls away and Akihiko pulls back and laughs it off.)

But the undercurrent is, for the first time, Haruki is beginning to see the truth of the words that he never quite believed. He is wanted and needed...he just needs to find a way to explain this to the other members of Given. In particular, Akihiko, who has always felt to Haruki like someone on equal or higher footing than himself, despite Haruki himself being older.

And these are the undercurrents at play as we head into the scene in question.

The Crucial Chapters 19-20

Akihiko shows up on Haruki's doorstop in the middle of the night, with an injured face from a fight with Ugetsu.

Haruki lets him in and they start talking as usual....but this time, it's different. They are both just a little bit at odds in a way they have never been before.

Haruki is aware, now, of a facet of Akihiko's life that until recently he had believed was left in the past.

Akihiko perceives that Haruki is hiding something, and in his typical way, immediately wants to know what it is.

This is why, when Akihiko asks his questions and asks if Haruki is hiding something, Haruki snaps back in a way we have never seen him do before:

[Tr: "[I am, but] you're one to talk!"]

Akihiko grabs Haruki by the wrist and asks again, and Haruki tells him...but throws in that the band he is doing support for is his ex's band.

Akihiko responds, "So you're going back to your ex?" and proceeds to crawl on top of Haruki to acknowledge for the first time what has always been unspoken between them: "You're in love with me, yet you're gonna run away?"

As Haruki lies sputtering for a response (he tries to pretend ignorance, but can't finish a sentence, between Akihiko pressing closer and his own shock) Akihiko reaches for Haruki's braid—the hair that Haruki has been growing out for as long as he has known Akihiko, as something like a wish charm (願掛け) for his love; the hair that Akihiko is somewhat obsessed with, taking every opportunity he can to play with it or style it—and speaks words that reveal that he is still fixated on Haruki's ex.

[Full text: 春樹さぁ、元カノがどうとか言ってたけど、お前こんなんで本当に女なんか抱いてたの？

Translation: You talk about this ex-girlfriend, Haruki, but did you seriously have sex with women like this?

Note: the こんなんで/"like this" is beautifully ambiguous. On a surface level of course it is referring to Haruki's long hair—with all the years of pining and love for Akihiko that that implies—but it also draws attention to how they are right now. The fact that Akihiko has crawled on top of Haruki as he has before, and Haruki does not fully push him away. It draws attention to the way that Akihiko himself is so central to Haruki's entire being.]

While Haruki flushes and thinks to himself, "Shut up, shut up! I did have sex with women, before I met you!" Meanwhile, Akihiko kisses him—a kiss that the art carefully does not show us lip-to-lip, either only showing us angles where we cannot see the point of contact, or focusing on the contact of only their tongues. Make no mistake, this is not a romantic kiss. This is a kiss full of frustration and pent up emotions and two years of unspoken, unacknowledged emotion brewing between these two.

Akihiko begins to strip Haruki further, and Haruki interjects, 「え、うそ、うそうそ、待った」(tr: "Wha- wait wait wait, just a sec"), which Akihiko ignores, and proceeds to begin performing oral sex on Haruki, even as he acknowledges internally that his actions are taking out his frustration with Ugetsu on Haruki.

[Note: the words Haruki uses at this point are not clear "Stop" signals. え、うそ、待った are all words that convey shock and uncertainty, and it is noteworthy that Haruki does not at any point use a word that would convey an equivalent of "Stop". That doesn't make this consensual, as his consent has not been obtained, but this is important to note, that Haruki deliberately does not ever outright tell Akihiko to stop.]

This is where Akihiko reflects on his messy relationship with Ugetsu, and the lingering hold it has on him:

Even since Ugetsu and I broke up, we periodically continue to clash. Sometimes it's about the timing at which Ugetsu found a new guy. Sometimes it's just before or after Ugetsu is away for a long time. Sometimes these clashes come suddenly, immediately after we have been intimate for a few days, just like we used to be. Like he is urging me, "Great, here's an opportunity. Let's part ways and break up for real." Like he is shutting me out of his world by force, to reinforce that he doesn't need me. What the hell? If you don't want me, why do you allow me to hold on? If you sympathize with my holding on, why do you try to throw me away? I want to trap you. I want to escape. I want to give up. I can't fully give up. I want to touch you. I can't breathe...

And when Akihiko comes back to the present, some time has past. His shirt is gone, Haruki places a hand over Akihiko's with tears in his eyes, and for the first time, says やめてよ [approx. translation: "Please stop," but this is a very gentle way of saying it—a plea in softer language]....and then continues, そんな顔しないでよ、辛そうな顔しないでよ、なんなの？言ってよ、なんでもしてあげるから [tr: "Please stop looking like that, like you're in such pain...What is it? Please tell me. I would give you anything."]

It is the なんでもしてあげるから here that is utterly striking. @edragoon​ and I debated translations and arrived on "I would give you anything" as the best option, but even with Haruki's soft language leading up to this, even with his words so focused on Akihiko's pain, the sheer love conveyed by these words is heart-wrenching—as is the art, Haruki's hand reaching out to Akihiko's face.

Akihiko has unearthed Haruki's unspoken feeling as part of his self-destructive spiral in a move that he no doubt expected to hurt Haruki, but instead, Haruki has owned up to his no longer hidden feelings and offers all of himself to Akihiko; turns the focus back onto Akihiko and his pain, rather than on himself, as Akihiko probably expected. As no doubt has happened in similar situations with Ugetsu.

And Akihiko, caught between Haruki here and the mess in his heart that is Ugetsu, expresses resentment that these words are coming from Haruki instead of Ugetsu.

"Why did you have to be the one to say that?" Akihiko laments silently, and then out loud,

[tr: "Telling you won't change anything."]

He follows this up with a small, "Sorry," and wonders to himself "Why couldn't it have been you?" (In Japanese, as in English, it is ambiguous whether he is wishing that Haruki were the one he wanted those words from, or that Ugetsu were the one saying those words. The last use of "you" in his internal monologue was directed at Haruki, supporting the first interpretation, but he is also lost in his head, so it would be no surprise if he is swaying back and forth.)

The scene breaks here, and on the next page, Haruki is curled up facing the back of the couch, fully dressed in new clothes and his hair now pulled back in a ponytail, and Akihiko is seated on the floor with his back to the couch, shirtless.

[Tr: "I'm sorry. Truly. I was completely in the wrong."]

Haruki responds, "That's not the part I want an apology for," even as he remembers those damning words, Telling you won't change anything.

[Tr: "...I said I'd give you anything. By the end it was basically consensual."]

Haruki goes on to say Akihiko is free to stay over, but he will be going to a friend's place.

Akihiko visibly panics, but only manages to call Haruki's name once as Haruki tells him he can use anything, can leave the door unlocked, but simply should be gone by morning.

Haruki leaves the apartment, and we see him cry as he walks through the darkened streets as those words Akihiko spoke again.

Left behind, Akihiko berates himself for how much he lets himself lean and depend (甘える) on Haruki, and he reflects on the events with his family and Ugetsu that lead him to where he is, without anywhere else to go. [NOTE: this is no doubt a significant factor in his later decision to move out of Haruki's apartment once as he goes through the process of bettering himself.] He contemplates the ways in which he has behaved towards Haruki, the parts of his own life he has almost instinctively hidden from his view.

Akihiko spends the night on the floor by the couch. (A shot of the clock at one point tells us it is 1:20am.)

We see morning dawn, and it is as Take is at work discussing lunch break that he gets a text from Akihiko, asking if he's seen Haruki. It is in the evening, when Take goes home, that he finds Haruki listless and hollow-eyed in front of his apartment.

The clock reads 9:40pm when Haruki comes home at last. Apart from the few hours he was with Take, Haruki has spent the better part of a night and a day alone who knows where.

[Tr: "Oh, you're still here"]

The hair that Akihiko had adored, the hair that Haruki had been growing since the day he met and fell for Akihiko, is cut short.

The Aftermath

The two of them don't shy away from the subtext of the last day—especially Haruki, who says blandly, "Sorry, but I'm tired after your rejection of my feelings, as you can see. Please go home." And when Akihiko tries to reach for him with a, "Wait, but—" his hand his slapped away by Haruki, who informs him, "Look, I'm angry at you." and cuts off Akihiko's attempted apology one syllable in with an admonishment that an apology will only make him angrier.

But Akihiko says what he should have said the night before—that he is at the end of his rope and has nowhere to go. He quietly asks to be permitted to stay in Haruki's apartment, assuring him that he will sleep on the floor, that he will not do anything again. He begs for Haruki to help him.

Haruki is furious.

「サイアク」the narration repeats: "[This/he] is the worst."

At last, Haruki agrees, but with the words, "If you weren't a band member, I'd throw you out."

The next day at band practice, Akihiko and Haruki are wildly out of sync, and while Haruki puts on a carefree smile for Uenoyama and Mafuyu, he is still spiraling with despair and humiliation.

And yet Akihiko too is on pins and needles, reacting with abject (though silent) horror when Uenoyama asks Haruki what's wrong.

But Haruki tells Uenoyama and Mafuyu nothing, and when he walks off and Akihiko goes after him, the words that come out of his mouth are all about his insecurities about his place in the band. About how he is too ordinary and does not belong in such a band of geniuses.

This is not what Akihiko was expecting his outburst to be about; this is also familiar territory for him, that he knows how to handle. Akihiko knows music.

He assures Haruki of why his music was off today, as he would have any other day. He assures Haruki that he is utterly deserving of his place in their band, as he has so many times before.

[Tr: "I've pretty much always told you that you're necessary, haven't I!?"]

And all at once, memories come rushing back to Haruki of so many times that Akihiko has told him of his value.

Haruki's anger loses its momentum and he deflates. They had back to Haruki's apartment, with Akihiko promising to cook dinner, as he is the freeloader. (Another nod to his tendency to view these arrangements as transactional.)

Living together proves a disillusionment process for Haruki. Of course, the night that Akihiko first came to his apartment was the enormous catalyst, but the disillusionment process continues.

All of those ways in which he had formerly idealized Akihiko crumble one after another for Haruki as they live together. Akihiko cooks, but he only has one flavor profile, and often makes fried rice. Akihiko spends most of his days on music, be it violin or the drums, and it is louder than Haruki is used to with his bass—it is also evidence that Akihiko is the musician he is because he puts in the work, not just inherent talent.

...And that brings us to the end of volume 4, so I think I shall stop here!

If you read all this way, thank you, and I hope this added something positive to your day!

[telomeke-bbs]

BAD BUDDY METAPHORS – THE ONE BAG TO RULE THEM ALL

It’s finally arrived – my dear friends RI and DH got me Pran’s PP bag when they swung by GMM-TV’s headquarters during their recent trip to Bangkok, and it’s quite my pride and joy at the moment.

The bag is double-layered and plastic-based (I can’t tell if it’s polyester, polypropylene or something else) – it feels like a crunchily sturdy and waterproof carrier, rather than the soft and absorbent fabric tote I was expecting. The dark navy base also has a subtle mottled print not visible in the show (but you can see it in the photograph above).

Pran’s PP bag was probably the first visual detail that I noticed in Bad Buddy slyly winking out a message of yet more information and subtext hiding below the surface – that the series was more than just the unfolding of a simple story brought to life by the intrepid acting of Ohm and Nanon and the confident guiding hand of Director Backaof. For me it was the first inkling that Bad Buddy had been meticulously built up with layers of meaning, rich with little Easter Egg details if you would only lean in just a little bit closer for a better look.

I’ve mentioned this before in a previous analysis (linked here), but thought I’d write it up a bit more in this essay.

I’ll never forget when Pran’s PP bag first turned my head – it was during the Behind-the-Scenes video on YouTube of the scene where Pat and Pran race up the stairs to their student apartments in Ep.3 ([Behind The Scenes] วันแรก ซีนแรก ก็ต้องวิ่งแข่งกันหน่อย! | แค่เพื่อนครับเพื่อน | BAD BUDDY SERIES, timestamp 2.11).

In response to a suggestion from Nanon, Assistant Director Pepzi Banchorn Vorasataree (she of the vibrant hair) tells Director Backaof: “P’Aof, this kid wants to sell the hobo bag.” (I think the subtitles intend for the word “sell” here to carry the meaning of “highlight” or “give prominence to”. Just guessing, though.)

The whole exchange got me thinking, so I gave the bag another look – and only then did I notice that the giant P (for Pran) had a smaller P (guess who? 😊) nestled at its center.

So Pran’s bag is also a metaphor for how he had been carrying a torch for Pat all these years – throughout that time Pran had been signaling Pat’s special place in his heart for all the world to see, even while refusing to acknowledge those feelings (any feelings, really) outright.

Aligned with Pran’s love of emotional subterfuge, anyone who noticed the double P could also have read it as symbolizing “Pran Parakul”, burying its message about Pat+Pran beneath another layer of meaning. But even if that were to have been Mr. Metaphor’s official explanation, we know that in private the significance would have run deeper for him, because Bad Buddy does another little tip of the hat to the double P symbolizing Pat+Pran later on.

This happens when Pat gives a new earphone case to Pran at Ep.8 [3I4] 7.59, since he’s always forgetting or misplacing his earphones (e.g., at Ep.8 [3I4] 7.30, also referenced at Ep.8 [1I4] 4.47 and Ep.10 [1I4] 11.23). The case also has a double P on it (symbolizing PatPran’s relationship) but like the graphic on Pran’s bag, it appears more like a single P unless you look closely.

But of course expert sign-reader and metaphor aficionado Pran latches onto the significance immediately, reacting with delight (Ep.8 [3I4] 8.13). Pat pretends not to see the hidden doubling when questioned by Pran – which delights Pran even more, for Pran LOVES using cryptic signs and symbols as visual shorthand for his emotional state, and Pat’s little gift here not only shows that he understands Pran’s penchant for metaphorical communication, but also that he understands how Pran likes to keep hidden the precious emotions that his symbols signify (and at this stage Pran is not yet ready to go public with their love – which is another way of reading what the covert double P, masquerading under the guise of singlehood, symbolizes).

It’s also a sweet little touch that Pat’s gift of the earphone case and its double P is accompanied by his reminders “Don’t leave it anywhere again” and “Keep it in a safe place” (Ep.8 [3I4] 8.02 and 8.08). He may have intended for the double P on the case (mirroring Pran’s bag) to be a visual memory aid, helping Pran to remember his earphones by echoing the symbol of Pran’s enduring love for his never-forgotten Pat. It’s almost as if Pat is saying “I’m gifting you with a little reminder of the one you never forgot, whom you could never forget – me – so don’t you forget these earphones either.”

Of course, their relationship will always have a built-in contrarian dynamic, and Pran will keep forgetting his earphones later on anyway (see Ep.10 [1I4] 11.23, Ep.12 [3I4] 6.31, and Ep.12 [3I4] 13.05).

It turns into one of those little couple’s foibles for them, allowing them to snipe at each other, but without malice – they keep on at it more as an excuse to indulge in the playful, good-natured teasing we’ve come to recognize as PatPran’s demonstration of genuine affection born from decades of rivalry, before rivalry turned to love.

Another way of looking at the bag – and this saddens me a little – is how it might have been a bit of a grown-up Linus blanket for sensitive Pran before they became a couple.

Just like Dissaya standing guard at home to keep Ming and his influence out, Wai looking out for him at boarding school, the talisman smiley protecting his student apartment door, peer mentor Joke playing big brother at his faculty, and the hidden messaging behind his chat ID and his computer passwords (all analyzed here), you get a sense that Pran was shielding himself from the world with another layer of emotional protection (especially when he had the bag slung over his front like he did while running up the stairs in Ep.3).

But I think it’s sweet too that Pran didn’t abandon his faithful bag even after he and Pat became a couple. He might not have needed any more psychological bolstering, but its cryptic messaging was still relevant after Ep.11, when PatPran set their relationship status to stealth mode and the secret sounding of the double P took on a note of defiance (“P and P are still right here under your noses, suckers; you just don’t see us, and this time we have the upper hand.”) 😉👍

Much like the rooftop of their student apartment building (the setting for key junctures in PatPran’s relationship – see this link here for a listing), Pran’s PP bag was also present at many moments and events that were stressful, significant, dramatic and/or emblematic of change.

Thus, in honor of the PP bag’s steadfast duty and service to Pran (and to the series), I thought it’d be fun to list the scenes where the bag appears, since it’s been in every episode. But I soon realized that was an exercise in madness because it was in so many scenes. (It was like trying to list every scene that Pran was in – why bother when he’s a main character? He’d be in almost every frame.) Pran’s PP bag was like an uncredited but highly visible supporting actor, who silently stood watch at critical points in Pran’s life.

So instead of a full listing, here’s a (not so random) sampling of important moments and events at which Pran’s PP bag was also a taciturn witness, in every episode:

PatPran’s first deal behind-the-scenes to dupe the world at large (the Ep.1 fake fight, which foreshadows their pact in Ep.12 to live out their couplehood defiantly on the down-low) – at Ep.1 [4/4] 1.48.

The flirty dumpling exchange – it all starts at Ep.2 [1I4] 12.59 (significance of the dumplings explained here).

Pat helping to spark Pran’s creativity during the re-design process of the bus-stop with some imaginative role-play – Ep.3 [3I4] 5.35.

Pat and Pran at the Logtech Building when they get the sponsorship go-ahead (albeit with reduced funding) – Ep.3 [3I4] 13.17.

The first time Pat enters Pran’s student apartment (after lending him his earphones) – Ep.4 [1I4] 13.07 (the bag is on Pran’s dining table, visible at timestamp 13.18).

When Pran catches sight of Ink buying Pat iced milk tea – Ep.4 [1I4] 16.55 and Ep.4 [2/4] 0.20 (significance explained here).

The morning after the night before: the opening scene of Ep.5, that starts with Pat and Pran bickering like an old couple (which in a sense they are), after which Pat happily sniffs around Pran’s apartment like a joyful puppy who’s finally found his forever home (which in a sense he has); the importance of this scene is analyzed here and here.

Pat realizing that he was in love with Pran at the music shop – Ep.5 [2/4] starting at 6.56.

Pat and Pran at the Archi Volunteer Camp – Ep.6 [2/4] 1.44.

Pat and Pran trying to make each other jealous at the wonton noodle stall – Ep.7 [3I4] starting at 3.56.

Pat gifting Pran his PP earphone case – Ep.8 [3I4] 7.34.

Pran’s iced milk tea do-over at the picnic table – Ep.9 [1I4] 11.01 (analyzed here).

Pran and his friends discussing Pat being falsely charged for gun possession at a café – Ep.9 [4/4] 2.48.

Pran racing to stop the police from charging Pat with gun possession – Ep.9 [4/4] starting at 5.39.

Pran being surprised by Pa, Ming, and Pat’s mom at the hospital – Ep.9 [4/4] 10.59 and Ep.10 [1I4] 1.32

PatPran’s khan maak – scene beginning at Ep.10 [1I4] 9.47.

Pat and Pran finding out about Ming and Dissaya while interviewing Kruu Payao – Ep.10 [3I4] 7.48.

PatPran’s confrontation with Ming at the mall (the bag is in the shopping cart) – Ep.10 [4/4] 2.44.

Pran’s confrontation with Dissaya – Ep.10 [4/4] 4.32.

PatPran running away to the Zero Waste Village – Ep.11 [1I4] 4.20.

Pran leaving for Singapore to further his career – Ep.12 [3I4] 6.28.

The bag is also in Pran’s first ever scene of the series – at Ep.1 [1I4] 2.24, slung over the back of his chair (but it’s not a confirmed sighting since you can’t really make out the double P). And it’s in the intro as well, e.g., at Ep.1 [1I4] 7.14, 7.20, 7.40, and 7.45.

Like Pran’s heart that never stopped loving Pat, his old hobo bag kept the faith throughout Bad Buddy’s short run of 12 episodes. I’m not sure there’s a better symbol for all of us faithful fans still thinking about this gentle series months after it ended. And maybe like Pran used to do, I hug it a little bit closer toward the end of every week when I need to bolster my own forlorn heart, now that Friday nights and Saturday mornings are just that little bit emptier without a new hour of Pat, Pran and the whole Bad Buddy gang to look forward to… 💖

PS So if you see anybody out and about carrying their own PP bag, do remember to go up and say “Hi” to a fellow member of our secret club. You already know this – any fan of Bad Buddy is sure to have some kindness in their soul… 😊