#(this is a bottom-up perspective... i tried😭)

[fedoraphe]

gaslight, gatekeep, grilboss

[gachagon]

Oh so that's what everyone was freaking out for 😭 tbh I have been saying since day 1 that Kaiser doesn't actually care about Ness and that he really has just been keeping him around to literally use him. But I won't act like Ness isn't going along with it or that on some level he doesn't know. I think Ness does know and just doesn't care because being next to Kaiser for any reason or excuse is still good even if Kaiser doesn't have the same level of obsession as Ness holds.

However I think we're getting close to seeing Kaiser really lose it and Noa knows it too.

However just what that rock bottom will look like and what else it'll take for him to really go that far down is a mystery to me. It could be Ness joining Isagi, it could be him not scoring another goal this game etc.

I think Kaiser's inability to understand other people's kindness and compassion makes it impossible for him to really change just because Ness cares about him. He's gonna have to get an ego that's more sustainable if he wants to continue his career.

This chapter reminded me of a few things but most notable was when Kaiser was remembering how it felt to make other people lose and fall into despair because he was the reason their dreams were crushed. That part really reminded me of Isagi and Niko's game and how Isagi admitted to himself that he didn't care if winning meant the other team losing everything in the process because the feeling of victory itself is too good and rewarding.

I think it really just hammers home how similar Kaiser and Isagi really are because they both really do think of soccer in the same way.

This chapter also brings that ancient question from Snuffy back up. "What are you without football?"

And I think Kaiser knows that without the game he truly has nothing, no plan, no ambitions. His goal to make everyone in the soccer world hate him by proxy of him winning all of the games is egotistical, but being better doesn't mean people will hate you, so his goal is short sighted and something that won't last long.

Now I'm going to say something that I think might be controversial to some people.

Okay here it goes.

I don't think Isagi hates Kaiser. I think Isagi is completely neutral towards him and even understands his intensity on some level and THAT is the issue between them. I think it's both a combination of Isagi and Kaiser being too similar (which in turn means Isagi is in Kaiser's head and vice versa) but that Isagi doesn't hate Kaiser at all and holds no real animosity towards him, even though Kaiser has made his displeasure of Isagi very obvious.

Really think about it too, because Kaiser has done SO many things that would normally piss anyone off. His motivation to make people hate him because it's the only way he really understands how to socialize with people, puts his first meeting with Isagi into perspective. The whole "calling him Yoichi" thing even after Isagi corrects him, constantly getting in Isagi's personal space even after Isagi openly says "hey you're kinda close...", even during the first little scrimmage between them when Kaiser openly steals the ball and looks to Isagi like he expects Isagi to blow up at him and be absolutely pissed. It all points to Kaiser deliberately trying to rile Isagi up and foster some resentment in Isagi.

But instead Isagi has done nothing but continue to hold the same kind of "hate" that he has for Kaiser that he holds for the rest of his rivals. Yeah Isagi isn't afraid to talk shit but off the field? He acts completely indifferent to it all, as if Kaiser doesn't get under his skin when he's not playing the game which kind of shocks me.

I feel like out of the many rivals that Isagi has, Kaiser is the one who has tried the hardest to be the absolute bane of his existence and it just isn't working at all. Kaiser is annoying and a nuisance and an all around jerk when playing. And Isagi understands that totally and still it doesn't bother him.

He's not thinking of how much he hates Kaiser and is treating Kaiser like a person. A human being with thoughts and feelings. And Kaiser doesn't understand why at all because he truly has just been nothing but a huge asshole this entire time 😭 And we know from this very chapter that Kaiser doesn't understand why anyone would treat him in that way since he's never been treated like that at all. He doesn't know how to have a normal relationship with people at all or how to have a healthy rivalry with Isagi, and Isagi doesn't care about any of that and still decides to treat him like he would any other player on the field who's got amazing skill.

And I think what really drives this home is that Isagi has also admired Kaiser's skill in football in a way where he wants to learn. Isagi knows that Kaiser is extremely talented at the game and that he could pull things off Isagi couldn't even dream of. The admiration is different from the kind most people have given Kaiser because unlike Ness, Isagi hasn't centered Kaiser to such a total degree that he's the only thing keeping him going and unlike the other players on the field Isagi isn't driven by jealousy.

He knows when people are better at him and instead of breeding hatred in him, he wants to get closer to these people, he wants to ask their advice and for them to help him get better. Think about all the times he's just straight up gone to Rin and Kunigami and Barou for advice on what to do even though it's clear they think very poorly of him 😭

So if it's not malice that drives Isagi and it isn't Jealousy and it's not obsession, then what DOES drive Isagi Yoichi? That's what Kaiser can't figure out because Isagi isn't like the other hundreds of players that he's gone up against, and Isagi doesn't treat him like every other player does.

Really this is the best chapter we've gotten in terms of Kaiser more and how he thinks and how he got this way. It makes me want more chapters just so I can see how he comes with losing so completely and getting treated like a human being from a guy he fucking hates.

[kiirschtein-archive]

⋆ 「 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞. 」 ⋆

gojo likes to push your limits because he knows he can get away with it; doesn’t matter if it’s mental, physical, or emotional, because you’ll love him at the end of it anyway. (aka satoru’s going to force himself inside you even if you don’t have enough room.)

pairing. — satoru gojo x fem bodied!reader

word count. — 2k

content. — nsfw (18+ only), no pronouns for reader, established relationship, mild hate-fucking, fingering, minimal preparation, unprotected sex, size kink (in the dick to coochie ratio), pain/discomfort during penetration (reader), elements of dubious consent (gojo keeps going despite reader's discomfort), creampie

notes. —  this idea randomly popped into my head yesterday and is a little self-indulgent, but i tried to write it as to not be very exclusive. as much as i wish i was a size queen, i most certainly am not, so this is kind of a tribute to my fellow smaller-coochied people. but like lbr gojo got that horse dick so this could honestly apply to the masses

also, this is my first jjk + gojo fic so... pls be nice 😭 i'm doing my best. just testing out the waters. if it's ooc... just pretend like it ain't 💔

To put it in perspective: sometimes you legitimately despise his cocky and self-assured nature. Funnily enough, it’s that same nature that often makes him so alluring. Not only do you find Satoru’s disposition particularly magnetic, but he is also incredibly difficult to say no to, much to your regular despair. As badly as you wish you could refuse his desires and wipe the filthy smirk from his handsome face, you find yourself powerless against him more often than not. It frustrates you to no end that he manages to get away with most anything he sets his mind to with you, but still, you remain satisfied, tethered to him as though you are under a spell, or a curse. Fight as you may, any push-back you give him will most likely end the same way it usually does…

“I love you.” Satoru mumbles and grins against your lips.

“Shut up,” you snap in return, fist balled into the fabric of his shirt.

He hisses but hardly seems wounded. “Ouch. So cold.”

The reason you’re frustrated with him is irrelevant at this point, but you're obviously not frustrated enough to keep him from sticking his tongue in your mouth. In fact, you welcome it with a certain vicious greed, pulling him into your body despite the fact that he has the advantage of being above you, hips pinning you to the bed. Your thighs part around them on instinct, accustomed to feeling his weight pressing against you so firmly.

Gojo disengages from your kiss to slip the shirt from over his head and cast it aside, revealing a toned body whose heat seeps into the tips of your fingers when you touch it. He makes quick work of your bottoms and underwear too, yanking them down with an experienced vigor, and you lift your hips off the bed to aid him. 

Haste and impatience seem to be the tone of this encounter for the both of you, so he doesn’t feel the need to make much of a show of undressing this time, nor does he even seem to see it as entirely necessary–this much is made evident by how he only slides his pants down enough to pull his cock out, not bothering to go through the motions of becoming fully nude. 

Satoru’s fist finds his swollen length to give himself a pacifying couple of strokes as he looms over you, groaning at the sight of your slick heat on full display for his personal enjoyment. You almost follow the urge to comment on how he pleases himself yet leaves you half-naked and neglected, but you’re enthralled enough by the image of Gojo with his hand wrapped around his dick, piercing blue eyes lingering on your cunt, that you swallow back your biting words.

He doesn’t keep you waiting for long, however. Satoru leans forward again to give you another kiss, his heavy, weeping length pressing against the inside of your thigh while he leaves enough room to sneak a large hand down between your bodies. 

Slender fingers part your soaking folds with an obvious goal in mind. He doesn’t think twice. He doesn’t hesitate. He always plays with you like his most favorite, familiar toy, completely confident in whatever he chooses to do because he claims to know you so well. (So confident for someone who whines whenever your mouth is around his cock…)

He pushes two digits inside you, breath warming your neck as he pumps them in and out a couple of times for good measure, slicking them up with your arousal as he pleases. You drip around him so well that he decides you’re ready to take him. This consensus is reached silently and without your input, so you whine and grumble at the sudden loss of fingers inside you, unappreciative of Gojo’s tease.

“C’mon…” you urge, trying to grind your hips up towards him while he licks you off his fingers with an irritating grin. If nothing else, you thought the both of you had at least agreed upon getting the ball rolling. You’d been under the impression that the impatience was mutual, so why is he playing around?

“Chill out, I’m getting there.”

You roll your eyes as he sucks a mark onto your neck, cock now brushing up against your clit as he grows ever closer to giving you what you want. Before that, though, Satoru quickly yanks the front of your shirt up enough to free your breasts, bra slipping up with it as he palms your flesh and gives the nipple a well-placed tweak.

When he’s finished entertaining himself with the way you moan, he brings his hand back down to the base of his cock, lines himself up against you, and without warning, sinks into you as far as he can go.

It isn’t all that fast, but it isn’t slow either; it’s just quick enough to have you tensing and sucking in a sharp gasp, feeling an aching pressure as he settles against your cervix. Your palms start to push at his hips to try and force him back. “Too deep!” you say, breathless and pained. But all your efforts are futile for his strength and determination are steadfast. He doesn’t even budge despite your wriggling.

“Nuh uh–you can take it,” is all he says in return. And does the bastard ever stop smiling? His playful expression is in stark contrast to the way your face crinkles in discomfort, and it would be an understatement to say that it pisses you off. Why do you love him?

Since you had pierced him with such iciness before, Satoru decides that he will return the sentiment.

You wince at his first thrust, the head of his cock hitting the same depth as before if not even deeper, sending a jolt of pain through your lower abdomen. Your fingers clutch the bare skin of his back without regard for the damage they may cause, but it’s all that keeps you grounded as he starts to slowly repeat the assault on your womb. Your whimpers do nothing to deter him.

“Satoru…”

“‘S’okay, gorgeous.” He kisses your collarbone and then catches your gaze. “Dontcha wanna feel me all the way up in here?” His fingers poke your sternum and he smiles briefly, ever amused with himself. The expression fades when you squeeze around him and it draws out a moan that he can’t repress.

Satoru picks up his speed, battering your insides with every thrust and not even managing to bottom out despite the way he pushes, trying to force your body to allow him in. The pain swirls with pleasure even as he disregards your limits, the fullness rising up through your body and almost into your chest as he’d suggested. It angers you to think of the satisfaction he’d get from it, so as a means of retaliation, your fingers thread into white strands of hair and tug.

“F-fuck,” he stutters a bit, elated by how your resistance brings him such pleasure. Gojo even chuckles against your throat, breath growing heavy as he repeatedly fucks you open, forcing a little bit more of himself inside each time. He reaches down to thumb at your clit, knowing the motions that will set you ablaze; perhaps the pleasure will help offset the pain of his relentless thrusts.

A shiver shoots through you at the first delicious sign of pressure, making you tense and flutter as a reflex. However, you soften a little afterwards, heat filling your cheeks and thighs parting even further to accommodate the man whose tongue sweeps across your lower lip while he swallows your sounds. Your hips ache and his cock reaches even deeper now, slipping in with wet noises that appease him as he casts a glance down to watch you finally take nearly every inch.

“See? I told ya,” he boasts with a breathy voice, cheeks flushed and thumb still messily stroking at your swollen clit. He wouldn’t push you if he didn’t know you’d be able to overcome the discomfort. Or would he? Maybe it was a tough love approach, or maybe it simply amused him to watch you struggle before fully opening yourself up to him like you so often did. Slightly sadistic with a selfish streak? That seemed applicable to Satoru. But regardless of the intentions, a delicious heat coils in your belly a little more each time he fills you to the brim, stretching and carving his own personal space inside of you. 

Both physically and emotionally, he doesn’t quite fit; he’s a little too much at first, but Gojo forces himself inside until you realize that you’re able to make space for him. He pushes buttons and boundaries not only just because he can, but because something tells him that you want him to. Even if he already knows it, it’s as if he’s trying to force you to tell him that you love him, begging for it in the form of torturing you. And you wouldn’t continue to put up with it if you didn’t always enjoy the ride.

Satoru fixates on the rhythm of your tits bouncing as your body is repeatedly jarred, moans and whines spilling from your lips while the peak of pleasure begins to approach you with greater speed. 

“‘Toru…” you breathe, nails stinging his flesh and walls clenching around him unforgivingly. The squeeze of your cunt makes you impossibly tighter and would almost force him out if he didn’t keep pushing back in, determined to fuck you into an orgasm as fast as he can. He needn’t double his efforts because you’re already at the cusp, but he does, hips slamming forward and sweat glistening across his skin to give him a glowing, fucked-out appearance that puts you in a trance.

“Cum for me,” he beckons, throat tight and marvelous eyes capturing your own. He watches closely for the telltale expression of bliss to wash over your features, and within an instant, you deliver it to him on a silver platter.

Gojo can’t help but groan when he feels you clamp down with a mighty force, squeezing him for all he’s worth and trembling as you do so. It feels so delightful that he can’t even grin or be witty about it, instead reduced to nothing more than a single-minded creature who chases his own high while fucking you through yours. He must admit that it’s a little overwhelming to the point of creating mindlessness, and if you weren’t currently seeing stars, you’d be heavily inclined to agree.

And of course he doesn’t stop driving into you even after you’ve loosened your death grip on his back and shoulders, because he isn’t feeling all that merciful and is far more desperate to reach his peak than he’d be willing to let on right now. Your pussy is sore and sensitive and on the edge of overstimulation, but you haven’t the energy nor strength to do anything but be an open hole for him to use. ‘What a shame,’ you think, ‘What a shame that I can’t do anything to make him beg for it.’ 

Because at this point, you know he would.

Saturo grabs at your breast and breathes hot and heavy against your neck, falling apart within moments of your fingers scratching at the hair on the nape of his neck. His cum suddenly warms you from the inside, spilling unapologetically deep and causing him to still after a couple of final thrusts. He swallows down a breath or two, arms wanting to wobble despite his strength. It almost gives you an ego boost. ‘My pussy’s good enough to make him collapse…’

You’d goad if you were as insufferable as he was, or if you thought you were even physically able. It would be a much-needed reminder that you’re just as capable of wearing him down as he is you, but judging by the way he ghosts gentle kisses against your lips, you feel as though he’s already somewhat caught the gist.

Rolling over to lay next to you, entirely spent, Satoru savors the sound of you both catching your breaths in progressively slower intervals. 

Then, once able, he finally speaks.

“I’ll buy dinner. Your choice.”

[lino-jagiyaa]

forget me not - lee minho

genre: angst | pairing: minho × gender neutral reader I warnings: breakups, heartbreak, swearing, mentions of self-doubt & depression, lying, toxic communication & behavior, dishonesty, jealousy | masterlist | words: 5224 | do not repost or translate ©︎ lino-jagiyaa

song recs: good enough - xdinary heroes {i’m so sorry, this song is so sad but just trust me.} then a happier song to go with the ending | feel special - twice

taglist: @dadonbabysworld @lynanist @lix-ables @comet-falls @strayingawayy @alyszaen

note : so sorry it took me forever to finish this and that it ended up so long 😭 but don’t worry, there's a happy ending !! i tried my best to proofread all of it but if i missed something or missed a warning, pls lmk! ♡

💭 things between and minho didn't seem to work out. but maybe now you're starting to see things from his perspective

—

—

losing minho took a toll on you. most breakups would do that to anyone, but this one, this one was nothing like any breakup you’ve ever had. he was special to you. hell, you envisioned a future with him. moving in together, marriage, kids even.

but that all ended the day he decided to break your heart. he simply left and never looked back. or was there more to it? there had to be an explanation for his actions. he wouldn’t just leave without reason, would he?

all the questions racking your brain. it’s been six months. six months without him. six months of losing sleep over the emptiness and cold of his side of your bed. six months without speaking to him, only ever hearing how he’s doing through mutual friends and nothing more.

you felt as though you were losing your mind. obsessing over the possibilities of what could have been. what you could’ve missed. what were you missing? you blamed yourself, having no other explanation in your head. the only thing that stuck.

you couldn’t stop thinking back to that day. what he said to you, how he said it, how he pushed you away. sure, he was always a bit reserved. always had been since the day you met him. but that day, that day was so much different. he pushed you away and you couldn’t do anything to stop it or convince him to stay.

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

“minho, please. please talk to me!”

“i can’t do this, i have to go.”

his face emotionless, trying to cover up the pain and guilt he was carrying. his back turned to you now as he grabbed his bag, and headed for the front door.

“is this it? are you breaking up with me?,” you reached out to grab his arm to make him face you

“don’t touch me.” he nudged you off of him

“min, please! is it something i did? i can’t lose you, just talk to me!” you pleaded

“this is what’s best for both of us. i’m sorry, y/n.”

he turned to you one more time before opening the front door, standing in the doorway for a few seconds before making his way back to his car.

“how could you!? you’re a coward you know, can’t even fucking face me and explain yourself,” you screamed, hot tears falling from your eyes and blurring your vision as you broke down. hearing the door finally click close. the whole thing felt painfully slow.

your friends would always sympathize with you, trying to assure you that everything is okay and that minho just had ‘things to sort out within himself’, but it just didn’t seem right. they were hiding something from you. they had to be.

so here you are, six months after the breakup, sitting in your sociology class waiting for it to end. you had to get to the bottom of this. find out what was really going on in minho’s head.

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

“minho,” chan starts

“hm?”

“can i ask you something?”

“of course, hyung. what is it?” he questioned, “promise you won’t get mad, okay?”

“spit it out already,” he sighed

“do you miss y/n?”

“no.” minho looks away

“i don’t believe you.”

“you should, it’s the truth.” he huffed

“min, i see the way you look at them when they’re not looking. you must care about them a little, right?”

minho stayed silent. he didn’t want to be having this discussion right now, not at all really. he just didn’t want to think about the way he hurt you.

“don’t lie to me. you can still fix things, you know.” chan continues

“would you just stop it already!? i don’t want to talk about this anymore, chris. i can’t.”

tears started to swell in minho’s eyes. he wanted to fix things between the two of you, and he does. he just doesn’t know how. he doesn’t want to hurt you even more than he already has. but he knows that chan is right, he has to at least try.

“let me ask you this one question, then i’ll stop. i won’t bring them up to you after this, okay?”

“okay.”

“do you love them?”

“y- yes.”

“then fix it. make things right between the two of you.”

“i- i don’t know how… i can’t just come back into their life after six months of silence and hurt them all over again.” minho stammered, sniffling away his tears

“how about i set up a meeting for the two of you, yeah?” chan proposed

chan could see the nervous look on minho’s face now and decided to move closer to him, softly grabbing onto his shoulders, “how about i talk to y/n and set up a time and place for you to meet up and if you’re still anxious about the whole thing by the time i’m done, i’ll go with you. sound good?”

“having you there even just observing would be good, yes.” minho replied

“okay then, it’s settled. now i’m gonna go make the call and let you know the details, okay?”

“yeah.”

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

chan decided to text you first since he knew you still had class this hour and didn’t want to disturb you just in case you had your notifications on.

chan: hey, is your class almost over?

you: yeah. i’ve got like ten mins till.

chan: ok. can you call me like right after? i need to talk to you about something and i think it’ll be better to talk over the phone.

you: sure?

chan: thanks 👍🏼

after texting with chan you were…nervous to say the least. what was all of this about? ten minutes never felt so long. nonetheless, after the minutes passed and your last lecture of the day was over, you headed out of the room to call chan.

you: hey, you gonna tell me what’s going on?

chan: “well, good afternoon to you too.”

you: sorry, i’m just a little on edge at the moment.” you sigh

chan: i can tell. and i’m sorry to freak you out,” chan let out a nervous laugh, “but…it’s about minho. and before you hang up, i think the two of you need to sort some things out. the whole breakup is taking a toll on you both and i don’t know how long i can just sit back and watch the two of you wither away.” he stressed

you sighed before answering him, “okay.”

chan: “okay?”

you: “yes, that’s what i said. do you want me to meet up with him or not?”

chan: “y-yeah, that’d be great. thank you.”

you: "alright, text me the address and i’ll be on my way.”

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

after the two of you hung up, you quickly made your way to your apartment to drop off your school bag and get ready for your meet-up with minho. you took a shower and tried to find a decent outfit while you quickly dry your hair. soo after, you received a text from chan telling you the address. it wasn’t far from your apartment so you had enough time to finish getting ready and hopefully shake off any nerves you had on the walk there.

chan: levanter cafe. it’s the one 7 mins away from your apartment. no rush to get here, okay? take your time.

you took one more look at yourself through your hallway mirror before putting on your shoes and walking out the door. the walk to the cafe helped you clear your thoughts more. but it was a relief you were finally getting to clear things up with minho. a second chance to really see his point of view. to understand him better.

when you walked up to the cafe, you could see chan at the counter ordering a drink so you texted him that you had arrived.

you: hey, i’m here.

almost comically, chan started looking in all directions trying to spot you, until he finally saw you step through the door. he reached out an arm to hug you when you walked up to him, “hey, you still okay to do this?” he asked “yeah, don’t worry. it’s okay.” you smiled back at him before hugging him back. “alright, i’m just checking. you know i have to.” “i know channie. where is he?” you ask “at the table in the back. oh, and here’s your drink. i know you’ll need the caffeine. here’s minho’s as well.”

you took it from him and he waved you in the direction of minho. when you got to the table, minho was still looking down at his phone, not expecting you to have arrived yet, assuming chan had come back with their drinks. so you were the first to speak.

you took a seat in the chair right in front of him and set down his and your drinks before speaking. “hi…” you started softly, not wanting to startle him. it didn’t seem to work because once he heard your voice he jumped up in his seat a little bit, putting his phone on the table and straightening up his posture.

“y/n…hi, i wasn’t sure you’d come today.”

you laughed a bit. he was nervous and you could tell. maybe more than you now. “well, i wasn’t so sure i’d show up either. but it was time.” he nods in agreement. “how about i start?” you continue, “i know it’s been hard for you, is hard for you. and it has been for me as well. like really fucking hard and i missed you and life was just shitty for a while, you know?”

“y/n, i am so sorry. i didn’t mean to hurt you. i-i should’ve handled it correctly and told you how i was feeling instead of just leaving and avoiding you.” his head hung low now as he avoided your eyes. he felt like he couldn’t face you. he felt horrible.

“so how were you feeling? what happened to us?”

he looked up now, “it wasn’t your fault. you did nothing wrong, it was all me.” tears, starting to fill his eyes

“you left me. you left and i didn’t know what to do with myself for a long time. i couldn’t eat or sleep. my whole life fell to pieces. so tell me, tell me minho what made you want to do that.”

“i didn’t want to, i swear. i just- just couldn’t figure out what i was feeling. how i was feeling. i knew that i loved you- still love you and i want to be with you but… i was scared. i was scared, y/n because i had never felt so strongly for someone as much as i did for you and i just didn’t want to fuck it up and i ended up doing it anyways. i’m so sorry for hurting you and making you feel that way. i should’ve expressed how i was feeling to you and i should’ve handled it better. i want to fix my mistakes now.” he replied, eyelashes sticking together as his tears began to fall down his face. chan monitoring from a table close by.

“i understand. it’s good that you’re letting it out now, so thank you. i want to fix things between us too. but we can’t just rush it out. we have to take our time. but other than that, i agree. that i’ve never felt what i feel for you, for anyone else and i know that it’ll stay that way forever. even if you hurt me, even if the last words you said to me was awful. i forgive you minho. we can figure this out together if you’re willing” you say, now wiping your own tears.

“i would love that. can i walk you home tonight?”

“doesn’t sound half bad. we should probably finish our drinks first and invite chan back over here before he hurts himself, the way he’s craning his neck to hear us.” you laugh

“you’re right,” minho looked over to chan and motioned for him to come to your table

nearly stumbling out of his chair, chan managed to get up and walk over to the two of you. “so?…” he questioned

“we’ve got it somewhat worked out. definitely need some more time to figure out the rest but for the most part, we’re okay.” you smile

“thank god, i was starting to lose my mind trying to get you two to talk to each other again so i’m glad.”

“oh shut up!” you and minho both replied to chan

chan just laughed at you both. he could see that the two of you did want to be together and you just needed to figure things out slowly. “but i really hope you guys start communicating better, yeah?”

“we will, i promise.” minho replies, sure that it’s the truth this time.

“oh, and once we’re done with our drinks and everything, i’m going to walk y/n home so we can talk a little more.”

“alright, i’ll leave you two lovebirds to it. do you want me to pick you up after?”

minho looked at you for an answer and you were contemplating whether you actually wanted him to go home tonight. “i mean, we can talk about it on the way there? the spare bedroom is still up for grabs if you do want to stay the night, it won't bother me having you there. especially since i haven’t seen you in so long, plus you still have clothes there if you want a shower…”

“oh…yeah that would be nice, thank you.” minho trailed off, trying to distract from the blush growing on his cheeks, acknowledging chan was still there while you were mentioning him spending the night

“well then, i think that’s my cue to leave,” chan chuckled, “text me when you two get there okay?”

“okay, and thanks again… for everything,” you reply

“of course, have a good night you two.”

chan leaves and the two of you just sit there in silence for a bit before heading out yourselves after throwing away your empty cups and waving the baristas goodnight. the walk home seemed slower than usual tonight. like the two of you were too caught up in each other to notice how slowly you were walking. “y/n,” minho called to you, snapping you out of your thoughts. “yeah?”

“um… would it be okay if i took you on a date sometime tomorrow?”

“that would be nice, minho. yes.”

“great, great. we can plan for it together if you want. only since i’m not sure where i want to take you, only that i know i want to spend the day with you,” he laughed nervously, scratching the nape of his neck.

“sure thing. we can figure it out when we get inside so come on.” you say as you unlock and drag him through the front door of your apartment.

after settling in, the both of you had taken showers and changed into comfier clothes and decided to watch something together in your living room. the two of you sat in the comfortable silence of each other’s presence for a while before you decided to break the ice. “hey, min?”

“hm?” he turned to face you with the softest look on his face.

“oh, i just was wondering if you wanted to take the guest room tonight? it’s already set up. but you don't have to sleep in there tonight if you don’t want-”

“where do you want me to sleep tonight?” he said gently, turning his whole body to face you now and resting his hands in the space separating the two of you. it took you a second to respond to him. you wanted to make sure you said the right thing, not wanting to push him away or push any boundaries since the two of you had just started to reconnect only today.

“well, i’m not opposed to you sleeping in my room. o-only if you want to of course. it’s no pressure if you don’t. and-” you were babbling and waving your hand defensively, so minho gently grabbed onto both of them, holding them in his own to calm you down.

“y/n, it’s okay. i’m comfortable as long as you are, so wherever you’re the most comfortable with me sleeping tonight is where i’ll stay.” he gave you a soft smile to reassure you.

you were relieved, to say the least. your mind still racing on the fact that he’s sitting in front of you right now, holding your hands.

“do you just wanna call it a night and sleep now? i’ve noticed the way you’ve looked exhausted since we got home, it’s okay to get some rest.”

“of course you’d notice,” you laugh

“well that’s what happens when you’ve been in love with someone for so long. now come on, i’ll stay with you for a while then go to the guest room if you get sick of me,” minho laughed back, grabbing you by the arm and dragging you to your once shared room.

you felt your face heat up at his comment, yet you say nothing.

once the two of you were settled in, you both just sat on opposite sides of the bed facing towards your bedroom door, not sure if you should talk or just go to bed.

“well…i should probably try to go to sleep now. goodnight minho.” you blurt out and carefully roll onto your side, so as not to accidentally bump into minho.

“alright. sweet dreams, y/n. i’ll sleep in a bit. i’m not too tired yet.”

“that’s fine,” you say as you close your eyes

—

you had been asleep for an hour, maybe an hour and a half when you felt minho shifting on the bed. your back was facing him so you couldn’t see him at all but you noticed he was kind of tossing and turning. it was obvious he couldn’t fall asleep but you didn’t say anything or make it obvious at all that you were awake now.

minho huffed, now laying on his back and with his arms on top of the blanket you two shared. you kept your eyes closed, attempting to get back to sleep, hoping minho would finally be able to as well. but that wasn’t the case.

a few minutes goes by and you assumed minho had ust falle asleep since he hadn’t really moved in a while, but as soon as you had almost drifted back to sleep, minho leaned a little closer to your side of the bed.

“y/n, are you asleep?”

“hm?” you reply

“sorry to wake you, i just couldn’t fall asleep.”

you turn on your other side to face him, “no, no. it’s okay minho, what do you need?”

“um, if it’s okay with you, can we cuddle? if you’re not comfortable, it’s okay. i’ll just go for a walk or something to get tired.” minho says, looking away from you

“no, it’s too late to go for a walk,” you thought about it for a second before answering, “it���s okay. we can cuddle.” you gave him a reassuring smile

“a-are you sure? you don’t have to, it’s fine-”

“i know. i figure you haven’t been sleeping well lately either?”

“yeah.”

“well, we can fix that today then.” you tell him, scooting closer to him and moving his arms to frame your waist. nuzzling your face into his chest to get comfortable.

“goodnight minho.”

“goodnight.” you waited a bit to make sure he was actually asleep before drifting off yourself. you knew it was time once you felt his chest slowly rise and fall and his heartbeat matching the speed of yours.

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

when you woke up, the sun was peeking through your curtains and you groaned. wanting to stretch and shield your eyes from what felt like blinding light shining in your face. but you couldn’t move much. you had almost forgotten that minho had stayed over last night when you looked up and say that he was still holding onto you but he seemed to be fully awake now, scrolling on his phone.

“good morning sleepy head,” he smirked

you groaned again before replying, “why are you up so early?”

“early? honey, it’s already 10 am. you’re lucky it’s already the weekend, otherwise you’d be late to class.”

you almost jumped out of bed after hearing him. “what!? minho, why did you let me sleep so late? weren’t we supposed to go out today?” you complained

“y/n, it’s fine,” he laughed at your concern, “ we hadn’t even made a solid plan about it yet, remember? you were sleepy so i was waiting till morning to bring it up again.”

you slump back down in the bed, now laying on your back and staring at the ceiling. “oh, that’s right. well then did you end up thinking of somewhere to go?”

minho put his phone down on his lap, “mm, at first i was thinking we could go for a walk in the park and then have a picnic there but then i was thinking about how you haven’t seen soonie, doongi, and dori in a while and that you probably miss them. would you like to see them today?”

“yeah, i do miss seeing them. but i also think going for a walk and a picnic is a good idea too,” you smile

“okay, then that’s what we’ll do.” he smiled back

“oh, don’t you have to go back to your place to change and everything?” you ask

“mhm. i’ll do that when you’re getting ready and once you’re done you can text me and i’ll be back to pick you up.”

“sounds good- wait…i still have you blocked…”

minho laughs, “i get it. at least you didn’t get a new number or delete my contact. so it’s fine.”

you awkwardly laugh and go to grab your phone so you could unblock him.

“check if you can text me now.”

he typed something short and a second later your phone pinged with his message. you also realized you had changed his contact name, but you weren’t going to let him know that part.

—

minho had called chan to let him know that he needed to be picked up and would be going back over to your place after showering and getting everything ready for your date. so once chan pulled up in your driveway, you walked with minho to your front door to wake goodbye to chan who was waiting in his car for him. once the two of them left, you went to go take your shower.

stepping out of the shower, you dried yourself off and went to search for an outfit. you wanted something casual since you were going to end up playing around with minho’s cats but you also wanted something cute since you were going on your first date with minho in forever. in the end, you had decided on a simple short-sleeved top that you could pair with a cardigan if the weather became more windy. and you were going to pair it with a pair of black corduroy pants.

looking at yourself in the mirror, you caught yourself smiling. you were so excited to finally be back in minho’s life and him in yours. and you could tell he was just as excited, considering the way he acted the night before and this morning.

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

once you were done getting yourself ready, you wanted to bring something with you for the picnic so that minho wasn’t the only one showing up with food so you texted chan to see what minho was going to bring.

you: hey, chan? are you with minho rn? chan: yeah, something wrong? you: no, nothing is wrong. i was just wondering what minho was packing for our picnic date and didn’t want to ask him directly since i wanted what i’m bringing to be a surprise. chan: ah, i see. he’s still cooking right now but he said he was bringing ox bone soup and dumplings. he didn’t say anything about drinks so you could probably bring those? you: okay thank you. chan: yeah, no problem

---

with what chan had told you about the food minho was bringing, you decided to make some gimbap and go out to buy your and minho’s favorite drinks from the convenience store that was within walking distance from your apartment. after grabbing the drinks, you found some candy that you thought minho might want to share with you so you bought that and the drinks and headed back home to make the gimbap.

since you only had one thing to make, it didn’t take you very long so you packed the food and snacks up into bento boxes and wrapped them in a cloth so they would stay together on the way to the park. you made sure you had everything you needed in your bag before texting minho letting him know that you were ready for him to pick you up.

it didn’t take him long to pull into your driveway and once he did, you grabbed your things and made sure your door was locked.

“hey, you all set?” minho asks you with a smile as you open the passenger door “mhm,” you smile back “oh you brought food? you didn’t have to, i had made some as well.” “i know. i wanted to surprise you. but don’t worry, it’s something small and some drinks for us.” “ooh okay, well then we can head off now.”

—

the drive back to minho’s place was filled with the soft music that played on his radio and the comfortable silence you shared. you just stared out your window, lost in your own thoughts as you watched the city pass by.

“we’re here,” minho said as he pulled into his driveway

it felt kind of strange being back at his apartment after all this time but in the same moment, it felt good being able to be here and not feel that churning feeling in the pit of your stomach. you didn’t feel anxious or worried. everything right now feels good and happy.

as soon as minho opened the door, his cats came swarming at him but they stopped as soon as they noticed you were right behind him. you thought it was maybe because they had forgotten you or didn’t like you anymore, but that was far from the case.

the three of them looked so happy to see you again. all nudging against your ankles and meowing for your attention. so you crouched down to pet them properly and it seemed as though they were all fighting for your attention, now ignoring minho as he attempted to greet them some more.

you had somewhat forgotten that some animals' perception of time is frayed. a day can feel like a long time, never mind six months. but luckily, the sweet cats that you missed had remembered you and were visibly happy to see you.

after playing with them for what felt like hours, minho haad ordered dinner in for the two of you so you ate while watching a drama before calling it a night.

minho drove you home as the sun started setting. the drive back to your place felt so calm. the sound of the wind brushing past your ears and minho kept stealing glances at you every once in a while. once the two of you got back to your apartment, minho had insisted in walking you back to your door.

“our date today was perfect, hopefully you feel the same.” minho smiled

“mhm, i had so much fun. it was nice to go out again.” you reply, smiling ear to ear

“maybe i can take you on another date soon, if you’d like?” he asked

“i’d love that, minho”

he held onto your hands just like he had a few hours before, you were kind of glad that he was making all of the first moves. you were nervous to mess something up.

“y/n?”

“yes?”

“can i…kiss you?”

“i was wondering when you were going to ask. yes, minho.”

with that, he leaned in, planting the softest kiss to your lips. you missed this feeling. you missed this feeling with him. the butterflies growing in your stomach as minho gently placed a hand on your face. he smiling into the kiss, which was driving you crazy.

when the both of you pulled away, you could feel the redness forming on your face and see the way minho’s was the same. “you have no idea how much i missed doing that.” minho laughed

“oh, trust me. i do.”

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

weeks had gone by since your first do over date with minho and the two of you were on great terms. since then, the two of yu had been going on weekly dates. and those weekly dates turned into dates two days a week. soon enough, the both of you were starting to consider yourselves a couple again. spending almost everyday with each other if possible. that meant walking each other to classes on school days, driving the other to work depending on who had earlier hours, and hanging out anytime in between.

everything between you was starting to come together again. and the two of you were sure this time that you’d make it work no matter what.

you gotta fight for what you love, right?

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

if you enjoyed my fic, please consider reblogging and leaving a comment! i'd love to hear your thoughts/feedback ♡

[suguru-getos]

Oh. INTRESTING. I just realised I should think about self ships more 😭 but okay here we go 😎

my self ship would be with Suguru. Definitely. Not the cult leader tho 😭 just a little rewind right there. You see the high school Suguru? Yeah cool. I only claim him.

>>> How would be better like when I'm off?

It'd definitely hurt him too with me. (because that's what I've seen with people around me, you know when that loud and bubbly one goes silent ?! Even though you know they'd be fine it's just so ouch. As if something's missing. Yeah, my personality is more or less like Satoru, he's ENTP I'm ENFP. which by the way, did you know? Fits INTJ in compatibility better hehe yeah I see him as a threat so what? 😤) and since his rationality is something I"d value, he'd have to do the tougher job of being my backbone rather than getting away with just sympathizing and giving me rational and "harsh truth" perspectives when I come to him with the problem that's bothering me. He knows if tries to be soft with me or bullshit me with sympathy I'd see it right away. So that.

>>> I HC our relationship to be such that it makes everyone jealous because he's definitely smiling and laughing around me more (not because he's smitten or sth, because I'm his personal clown ✨). That's what I am about most of the times. Hyped up over the smallest things. Hehe.

>>> Jealous. Huh. Interesting. I'm a women in stem, and you must know how the ratio is always so heavy on men"s side. So naturally I have a lot of them hitting on me at all the points of time. 😂

>>>And another thing is, I'm an extrovert socialising with people all the time so he might be annoyed on how to get my attention on him out of all the other people i hangout with (Again, not my words 😂😭) little does he know he has all of it since day 1. But that'd be only an issue before we get together, because he'd never know if I view him differently/romantically or not 😭 because "you're this energetic with everyone. How am I to know?"

>>> I and Satoru would definitely always be bickering over how he lets me get away with spam texting but not him. Hehe. Suguru's reasoning? "You're annoying, she's not *shrug*"

I say I don't think any self ships but then I go on full on spam mode (I hope you don't mind it, if you do please be honest about it and lmk like "I just asked for headcanons not a ONESHOT you idiot🔪) somehow wow😭 but yeah. That's how I see it, sunshine x grumpy (kind of?) Trope.

(Which made me think, neither of us actually like yapping about ourselves too much so we'd just be having hours and hours of discussions about different topics. The quality time discussion is a love language kinda couple. )

Now YOUR TURN. *hands over the pen*

lmfaoooo why not the cult leader sugu? he has such a dominant rizzly energy my self ship revolves around him and i’d bark like an animal for cult leader sugs 🙇🏻‍♀️🥹

-> also that’s so cute omg?? i am an intj/entj hybrid so i love myself enfps 🫵🏻 they bring such a lovely vibe around. (my irl best friend is an enfp) & i’d die for her. <33 suguru would love you so much, you’d be his breath of fresh air & when you go down, so does his existence. i hc him as super empathetic to people he cares about, so if you’re down, he’s rock bottom. :33 hello 👋 another stem major here’s your crown 👑 gorgeous ‼️ i’ve graduated in 2022 from stem so i know how the life’s like. 😉 suguru would be disgustingly jealous fr fr you attract everyone with your positivity.

-> suguru would definitely appreciate your bickering with satoru & blabbering. it would make him feel good that two of the people he loves the most are talking/being together 💋

grumpy x sunshine is my favorite troupe so this post made me intensely happy. 🪷🥰 also, that’s alright for the long post, only made fun of how people can see a character so similarly yet so differently!!

-> as of my own self ship headcanons, i’ll post them cus i’d yap more than you istg 😭 he’d love when i wear a saree tho ‼️🙇🏻‍♀️

[libra-stellium]

Visiting my Astrocartography Mars/MC line for a week

This is the description from astro.com which sounds like a great place to visit for me right now because I’m trying to either get promoted at my job or get a new job soon or both lol

For some reason people really hate their mars line???? All I kept seeing was people saying how horrible it was when they lived on it or visited it 😭😭 I was like damn I had great expectations! I only saw one short YT video saying how they love living on their mars line and have been more active physically and socially. I heard someone say that the second they got off the plane they were just angry lmao which is hilarious to me like you were just angry at nothing??? 🤣 and I also saw stuff about how aggressive men were and they hated it lol I don’t think the ones I saw said what their mars placement is and what aspects they have but honestly even if we had the same exact ones I think it may be about perspective and what you’re used to lol

I have my mars in Scorpio in 9H. I have Mars trine saturn in pisces and mars trine ascendant in pisces so no harsh aspects.

A general theme for this week was very mars like bc I did Knott’s Berry Farm, Disneyland and Universal and visited so lots of walking and action the entire week!

Sunday - literally at the plane doors when I landed in LA a male flight attendant pretend to grab my leftovers from my hands like “oh is that for me? Thank you so much!” 😂😂 I was like oh this is the aggressive men on the mars line! But I just joked back at him lol

Monday - I broke EIGHT nails!!!!! 😭😩 one was like 🙄 but by 4 I was telling my bestie “would you believe me if I told you another one is gone?” And she knew immediately that I was talking about my nails 🤣 none of them broke too far down so it wasn’t painful and I don’t think my mars line “made” then break lol I think they were weak and being held together by my nail polish so when I took it off bc it was chipped my nails were like “it’s time to let go” 😩 everyone was super nice so nothing else happened that day! I didn’t bring my work phone with me so who knows what was happening at work 🤷🏾‍♀️

Tuesday - i feel like there were some aggressive people throughout the day but not directed only at me lol bc it was the park workers at Disney just being like THIS IS A WALK WAY ONLY KEEP MOVING when we stopped to take pictures of the parade. I also found out that the shoes I wore the day before gave me a blister on the bottom of my toe which was so painful

Wednesday - I feel like this was the most mars line day tbh bc I got my period that morning and I did “surgery” on myself 😂 bc of where my blister was I had to pop it safely (TMI incoming) so I doordashed a first aid kit and a sewing kit and I sterilized the needle and drained the blister and it’s insane how the pain was gone right after that! Then I went to go visit the Observatory to see LA and the Hollywood sign and that was really cute but then a bee flew into my friend’s hair and she was freaking out and I’m allergic but I could see it so I had to do something so she didn’t get stung! I used my phone like a paddle and beat it out of her hair and it fell on the ledge in front of us and I pushed it off 😩 then we went to In-N-Out and some guy tried to take my order for his friend lol I was 7 and his friend was 12 and he was like oh I thought you said 12…..🙄 also on the day to the observatory I realized that I had a lot of requirements to fulfill before I could renew my bar license 💀 I deadass thought I just had to do the CLEs and pay but I have to find a mentor too?? 😩 so I was listening to the CLEs on the long car rides.

Thursday - Another Mars/MC day because I was listening to more CLEs during car rides and I looked up who I could email and ask to be my mentor! I was at universal that day and nothing major mars like happened lol and honestly idk why aggressive men was something that people emphasized bc they were all really nice to me 😂 even the Grinch! This girl did have an attitude towards me while we were watching a show bc we were standing there for 30 min and she shows up and tries to stand in front of me and I’m 4’11 and she was at least 5’5?? And she motioned for her bf to come stand in front of me too and he refused and told her to come back and she was brooding the rest of the show 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️ After that our Lyft driver was so nice bc the app sent him to a different location than where the park told us to go get rides and he came and found us instead of canceling! 💕 and his car was so nice and smelled so good!

Friday - traveling day! Again dealing with really nice men 😂 bc I was in line for this place to get coffee and a pastry and the person skipped over me bc she couldn’t see me and the guy behind me was like “someone’s down here” 🤣🤣 and then later this other guy was just making small talk with me while we waited for our stuff lol but the cashier??? Who was a girl literally told me she wasn’t “spelling all that out” when I told her my name and spelled it out and she said I would have a nickname for the day 💀💀 my name is 5 letters long lmao she shortened it to 3? Like okay I guess?? 😂

Now I’m home and I checked my work phone and nothing happened while I was gone but today they sent an email congratulating the intern (who was there for 4 months and is still in law school) for accepting an attorney position in our office and I’ve been there for 2.5 years and it did make me feel some type of way bc 🤔🤔🤔 no one offered even after I got barred but they offered it to the person who hasn’t completed the degree yet and doesn’t have a bar license yet…?? I have been trying to get out so 😂 I’m not toooooo mad bc also that’s not the field of work I want to be doing long term but idk it’s the principle lol also I don’t remember which day but I saw something about the federal cost of living being increased for 2024 and I think fed govt employees get a pay increase bc of that?? I’m hoping that contractors like me do too!

Overall: Mars/MC line was a fun little time and productive trip! I feel like if you’re quick to anger I can see where you’d end up being really angry on your mars line but I just be looking at people in disbelief tryna figure out what possessed them to act like that towards me and then I just laugh and move on lol I didn’t like LA that much it was way too crowded for me omg but I’m not a fan of New York either and I feel like they’re similar 🤷🏾‍♀️ I would definitely go back and visit other parts of California tho!!

[toxooz]

So uhhh...how ruthless and dark can lilac be?

me seeing the name Lilac in my ask box tbh pfft😭

UM boi its been a minute and all my love for Lilac resurfaced i gotta draw him soon AAAA(and honestlyy redesign him a bit) but anyway I'd say Lilac is a pretty kind spirit but at the end of the day he's meant to represent the whole notion of nature, life, and the innerworkings of ecosystems and how that must stay balanced by any means necessary and, from the human perspective heavily influenced by empathy, may seem cruel and uncaring at times but it is simply his duty as a spirit of that world. Like in this world nature may seem cruel ei. a male lion killing any male lion cubs to prevent future competitors, or a mother stork throwing her own young out of the nest because it's chances of survival would be hindering to the rest, a monitor lizard biting prey and following it as it slowly dies from the infection, how typically large prey animals Will obliterate Anything that it feels threatened by, the list goes ON and on but that's simply how life works on this planet and how certain animals are designed to live and survive in their own way. Lilac may assist and can create life ( his specialty is plants, more complex organisms are a little more complicated for him) and can take life away, but he typically keeps his hands off and lets nature do it's own thing. Any territorial battles amongst harpies he *usually* stays neutral since in his eyes it is merely territorial disputes which again is natural as certain territories can cycle through with time. If there is a species that is overrunning the ecosystem Lilac will eliminate however many members of said species until it is balanced again, if there is a forest fire from a lightning bolt he will reside in that area and help the harpies rebuild and survive until it's as if it never happened that's just How He Is. So ig he can be as ruthless and dark as nature can be, in fact Valon's main resentment toward Lilac is that Lilac shows no outward remorse for how Valon got his cards dealt- Valon was the runt of the nest, as a result was bullied and singled out by his siblings(even tried to be killed by them) and was ultimately thrown out of the nest whenever difficult times arrived, but managed to survive the fall and grew up carrying that bitterness of 'why didn't you care enough to help me live you were just going to let me die a miserable death if it meant 'keeping the balance through natural selection??'. He hates that he can't get a reaction out of Lilac when it comes to that topic which ultimately leads to him only half accidentally waking up Gracrux and surprise surprise throwing off the entire ecosystem with the mass destruction from Gracrux's wrath which all that lore abt the harpies n such can be read here>> X

Even if Lilac does feel bad for Valon or any other creature that doesn't make it, the bottom line is it is what it is and there are a multitude of reasons why he cant help every single harpy out there just because he feels bad so he prefers to stay stoic and unwavering about it. However if anyone from any other world discovers the harpy portal and Lilac finds out he Will be as cruel as a territorial hippo if he must😳 so Cinder better watch his everlovin asssss lmfao

[fandom-hoarder]

I watched the new ep yesterday, but didn't have time to post my liveblog. Here's my lightly edited dm comments lol:

Luna and Cassie are so cute, please don't break my heart lol

Lmao everybody expecting Cordi to stay home and he just walks in 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 Dude, your ct scan is fine but YOU def are not

I missed the start of the boyle is dead convo, tried to skip back 10 seconds -- THERE'S A BUTTON FOR THIS -- and now it's just loading endlessly 🙃

Commercials 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

Lol ok, cordell's "lalala I'm here and I'm fine why are you looking at me weird😃😃😃" KILLED me

Like the class clown coming into class the next day when they KNOW they were suspended yesterday

HIT ME WITH COMMERCIALS AGAIN WTF

Witt omg wtf

Omfg

Omfg so he wasn't lying that they were after him lololol

Calling witt nimwit made me giggle lmfao

That "like father like daughter" line coming back as cordi looks at this board

Cordi your brain needs a break. You need some perspective

Trey WHY ARE YOU GOING EASY ABOUT THIS? YOU BELIEVE HIM ABOUT A JOG???

He's not gonna jog lol

He's gonna back out with liam lol

HAHHH CALLED IT

Going through the motions of joviality to try to get people off his obsessive trail

THE LETTERS

Augie overhearing!!

Hahhh Stella, you're not gonna tell him why you don't want to be in your dorm rn? 🙃🙃🙃

SHE IS HER FATHER'S CHILD

Ha Augie just said "starting to sound like dad"

Wow, lying about witt altogether, ok

GIRL

Augie, yes, god i hope this works

Lmfaooo cassie being mildly squicked about "boyfriend"

I love the perez siblings

Stella you are so not slick

So liam didn't take the letters either...

I almost had a heart attack thinking he meant he got rid of them jfc

Lmao this meet the brother thing is giving me secondhand embarrassment

Augie nice lol. You, however, ARE slick

WALKER!!

It's a birdwatcher!!!

Godddddd don't be mad at me🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

I'm not mad (just disappointed)

Omfg BREAK MY HEART it was an EMILY PHOTO

"Get help" for real 🥺😭

WILL THIS WAKE HIM UP OR DOES HE NEED TO HIT BOTTOM👀

Stella. WHAT are you doinggggg

IS THIS THE STRIP CLUB FROM HIS OPENING SCENE

STELLA knowing his stripper name lmfao

The way she's so uncareful about parking there and touching things and then as soon as i said that those guys come in

DO THEY WANT THEM TO FIND THE NECKLACE OR NOT, MY GOD

Stella... GODD that wasn't even what he needs to tell you. You really are just like your father, interrupting people with assumptuons and derailing IMPORTANT INFO

Stella you are so fucking stupid rn lmao

WHY IS THE NECKLACE SO IMPORTANT THOUGH. WHY IS NO ONE WONDERING

What is JOANNA'S connection to it. Please. Somebody.

Omg LUNA TRANSFERRED

Omg parallel scene with cordi and stella

Girl, they renovated the side step. Why would anything be in the cushions

"You told me to take the day and i did" YOU DID NOT LOLOL

Dude, you can't BE good at being a ranger if your head is so far in it you can't see

ARE YOU FUCKING. SERIOUS RIGHT NOW LOLOLOL HE PUT IT IN THE PIG'S HEAD

Aaah shit that letter was fast

I'll have to pause that again later

I wonder if that early scene about how heavy denise was, was actually groundwork for a future hoyt stash, or if that was a happy accident

I'm like, how much worse is this gonna get for Stella and Cordi…

The fact she's not keeping augie in the loop and no one fucking knows where she is or what she's doing

Also what fucking time of night is it, the side step is empty?

It's so... dean knocking sam out before going after metatron

[mongrelmutt]

Continuing the Jules Verne kick with "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea"

Under a cut because this is longer than the others:

- This is my least favorite of his books so far. I am falling asleep while reading it.

- The professor calling Conseil his "boy" when Conseil is 30 years old, and only 10 years younger than him  😬😬😬

- *Hisses at Captain Nemo* Bad Vibes

- I'm pretty sure physics doesn't work like this, but I don't know enough to argue. Nor do I care enough to look it up. I am just so bored. Please get to more interesting things. 

- Also, lol of course the Victorian dudes would be like "WHALE BODIES MUST BE STRONG AND IMMOVEABLE LIKE MANLY IRON TO DIVE SO DEEP AND NOT BE KILLED!" Wrong! they squish and adjust their innards to adapt to the pressure: 

- Trying to suss out what (if any) real sea life is being described when no name is given, just fantastic descriptions.

- Sleeping underwater in scuba gear seems... unwise.

- More 19th century anthropology 😬😬😬

- Yes, yes I understand that the water temperature is invariably 4⁰ wherever and whatever time of the year at depth. You've said that like 8 times already. This had better turn out to be relevant. [Note: not particularly]

- I do not like Ned Lands.

- Shark slander 😭

((Why did the myth that sharks have to turn over to bite things last so long? I remember it from "James and the Giant Peach" as well. I would have thought enough people would have at least seen sharks biting bait at the surface by the 1800s for this to be known false?))

- Man, these guys are a bloodthirsty lot. Every new animal they see they're like "Can I kill it?? Please let me kill it! Let's kill it! 😈 Man, wouldn't you jump at the chance to kill sharks like you do bears and lions??" :/

- At the same time they're afraid of everything, assume it's dangerous, and, if not killed instantly, will retaliate violently in revenge, including a freaking *dugong.*

- Wow, some people at least knew industrial commercial whaling was unsustainable and would result in the whales' extinction even in the late 1800s! Wild that it took almost 100 years to get it (mostly) banned!

- *head desk* Nemo is such a hypocrite (I imagine that may be The Point)

- Ugggghhh the whole "predators are evil, vicious monsters, and we need to slaughter them all without mercy to protect the poor innocent prey animals" attitude still so prevalent today.

- ...wait, those are *sperm whales*?? I thought they meant killer whales at first! Sperm whales  don't even eat baleen whales... All that brutal slaughter for nothing :'( 

- ... Bonus for an even more uncomfortable use of "voluptuous" than Bram Stoker! Seal eyes are described as "voluptuous" 😆

- Of all the sea creatures to declare harmless Verne chose *elephant seals* 🤦🤣

- YAY THE KRAKEN!! At least these covers haven't lied to me!! :D 

- aaaw no, the giant squid didn't play nearly as big a part as advertised *le sigh*

- Ah, the classic "crap I've written my characters into a deadly corner, time to knock out the POV character and have them wake up safe in bed later." 

- Why did the Professor talk about Lands like he was dead at the beginning? I can see a few reasons from the author's perspective (varying from "deliberate red herring to increase the suspense" to "oops I forgot dude was originally going to die and didn't correct it") but not from the character's? It's not even like he was reflecting on the matter from decades later, when Ned might have died after the story, they're all still chilling together in Norway waiting for a steamer home?

Lands: Stop telling people I died.

Professor Aronnax: Sometimes I can still hear his voice.

- Welp, I did enjoy the sea critters and fun steampunk machines, just not the long rambling bits that seemed to overwhelm the story for me

[moonlightdancer26]

AYO 💕 I'm bored, so here be me, offering 1: a funny rant for entertainment, and 2: an opinion for reflection (primarily mine).

Rant: did you know that jegulus shippers hc that Snape bullied Regulus with the other "bad" slytherins? And even acted predatory?? Legit read a scene where Mulciber manhandled Regulus and Snape watched cool and composed as you please and chided him for "playing with his food", then he himself slammed Regulus against a wall, got up in his face and threatened him. 😭🤡 Meanwhile Sneep and Regulus were probs CEO and COO respectively of the Sirius Black Haters Club. Even indifference from Regulus' part would be more likely than someone like him with an important and infamous family getting bullied by his own housemates, let alone by Snape who was at the bottom of the social ladder. Cringe. 😬

Opinion, a little more weighted. Though the blatant racism in Rowling's writing and characterizations of certain characters is undeniable, I've personally come across a few sjws who imo see it even where it's not. But there are instances where I'm not sure. Like with Shacklebolt, I always thought that the name was about him putting criminals in shackles, being good at his job, not an allusion to slavery. But I'm white and don't know whether black people actually consider it a good point, and just bc something is said or seen w/o bad intention doesn't mean there aren't implicit racist connotations going unnoticed. It's been going around in my head for a while. I summon your illustrious spouse @halfblood-princes-crown who iirc is poc (also realised I'm not following him which, great oversight), and anyone else who'd like to contribute their thoughts.

Hey sweetie! Sorry for the late-ish answer 😭 I completely forgot this was in my drafts

did you know that jegulus shippers hc that Snape bullied Regulus with the other "bad" slytherins? And even acted predatory??

YES OMG, I can’t even explain how stupid it is. Like these mfs really think some poor greasy bullied half-blood Slytherin could even bully a Black (who’s the opposite of everything I mentioned, aside from Slytherin) 💀 plus they both hated Sirius and would legit kill for the people they love so I have a petty headcanon that they’re besties and Sirius HATED it. You just know Reggie would be there when James and Sirius try to target Snape, and when James gets roasted and Sirius tries to join in Reggie would be like “and why are you talking? Don’t you *spills an embarrassing sibling-secret Sirius still does from when they were kids*?” and they’d stand there like 👬) 🤭 Tbh Marauder stans would go to such drastic lengths just so they make it seem like the Marauders bullying Snape was as mild as possible lmao.

But there are instances where I'm not sure. Like with Shacklebolt, I always thought that the name was about him putting criminals in shackles, being good at his job,

I totally understand that! It could be argued that that’s what it meant, because it really is a reasonable perspective……. that is, if Kingsley wasn’t part of the 4% POC characters in the series. Why would she give one of her only black characters a last name that’s meaning was an item used to chain slaves? It was apparently absolutely impossible for her to name any other white auror (basically every other auror) that was good at their job that name?

Along with all that, she’s named the only other Asian character (aside from the Patil twins) Cho Chang, both of which are last names. And it’s clear Rowling’s one of those authors who really put thought into their characters’ names, for example: Severus Snape (his first name directly translates to “stern” or “harsh”), Voldemort (mort means “death,” and when translating each section of the name in French, “vol de mort” it means “flight from death”), Remus Lupin (…wolf wolf 💀), Dolores Umbridge (Latin origins: “lady of sorrows or pain” (psychological or physical), Greek meaning: “deceitful,” Spanish meaning: “pain”), Fenrir Greyback (in Norse mythology: Fenrir is a gigantic and terrible monster, Greyback sounds similar to silverback, which is known as the dominant male in a band of gorillas), Fleur Delacour (“flower of the court”), and so on. I could literally talk about their name meanings for hours. My fave name meanings are Severus’s, Voldy’s (biggest flex is that I already knew this bc it’s French 🤭), Remus’s (😭 I already knew “Lupin”’s meaning because of the wolf (lupus) in mythology), Umbitch’s, and Fleur’s. Tbf Fleur’s full name is so stereotypically French but French names are almost as stunning as she is so I give it a pass.

Anyway, Rowling definitely isn’t one of those authors who give their characters a name they think “just fits them” and goes on with it, almost all of the characters’ names say something about their personalities to an extent. And she’s already a racist and proved it through making an Asian character’s full name consist of one Korean last name (Cho) and one Chinese last name (Chang). So the fact that she named one of her only black characters THAT name definitely must not have anyyy underlying intentions.

I may be a POC but I’m not black, so I’m sure my opinion won’t hold as much water as a black person’s. I’d be interested to hear what y’all think! @halfblood-princes-crown we’re summoning you babe, I wanna hear what you think.

And thanks for the ask btw, you can yell into my inbox whenever you feel like it ❤️

[osferth]

Thank you for changing your mind about Daemon!😃 I think the guy is mostly just misunderstood. Is he an asshole? Yes. But does he have a good reason to be? Also yes. His scene with Viserys really hits me because in the scenes it almost wants us to believe that Daemon is a douchebag who has nothing better to do then to cause chaos but when you look at it from a different perspective you understand him.

The whole council dislikes him and they let him know that on a daily basis. They quite literally do just want to get rid of him which they succeed in. Viserys is so brainwashed that he can’t even see what their doing, turning him against his own brother. You can see just how hurt Daemon is by not being asked to be a hand and we can also see that Daemon realises that no one wants him around. Viserys would rather listen to Otto and allow him to manipulate him just how he pleases.

Nothing Daemon does is ever good enough for them. They don’t want him on the council so they remove him and give him the duty of being the city watch commander but then when he hangs out at brothels and Flea Bottom (which is most likely the only place where he feels loved and validated) they trash him by saying he hangs out with whores and his band of men. Daemon is always just minding his business and it feels like Otto is constantly on his ass about something, keeping a close eye on him and waiting for that split second that Daemon will mess up so that he can bring it up to the council again.

A good example of this is when Daemon is called to explain his doings with the city watch. At the start of that scene we see Daemon just sitting and chilling and Otto is the one who immediately starts trashing on Daemon and when Daemon explains the situation then Otto brings up his wife Rhea which he knows will get Daemon pissed. I really don’t get how it is any of Otto’s business to involve himself into Daemon’s marriage. Otto probably just really wanted to piss off Daemon but then the second that Daemon throws his insults back at Otto he stands up and points his finger at Daemon as if to say “look your grace how rude and violent your brother is! this is why he shouldn’t be here!” I just find it sick how hard Otto tries to create a conflict between Viserys and Daemon.

It’s a fact that everyone treats Daemon like shit so what else is he supposed to do but to respond with the same attitude.

yeh he's definitely an asshole but like so is every other character to a degree so honestly idm lmaooo. i do think that daemon's comment about otto's wife genuinely stung and that he does do things to provoke otto, but tbh otto's not exactly innocent of the same thing either 💀

i can't remember if it was otto's actor or someone else that said this, but in the show he's said to be acting out of a genuine belief that what he's doing is right and for the good of the kingdom (and he does come across as more rational sometimes up until he fuckin pimps out alicent 😭)

anyway abt daemon, smth that really interests me is when otto told viserys about daemon's "heir for a day" comment at the brothel, bc the way its phrased makes it seem to viserys as though his brother was making fun of his own nephew's death, which explains his angry reaction. but when we see daemon's behaviour in the brothel for ourselves, he doesn't look too cheerful and his heir for a day comment might have been made as a more sympathetic toast to baelon rather than a drunken jape. idk whether otto knew the truth of it, but since his aim was to turn viserys against daemon and have rhaenyra named heir, phrasing it as the latter definitely helped.

[thisdreamplace]

i’m the laser hair removal anon. that would be a cool anon name LMAO. i can’t say this must be it about the laser hair removal, because it’s not. 😭😭😭 i do not have enough money to pay for the rest of the pay afterwards. i can’t do it bc i can’t pay the monthly fee afterwards. and the reason i say that about the job is because that is nowhere near what would have me at peace in my life. at least not the jobs im being forced into. and even then, i have applied to multiple jobs. it’s not me being crazy but it’s me being real as in, girl i’ve did everything i could in the 3d so idk if it’s going to work but we’re going for it. like i don want to lie to myself, idk what’s going on rn, even if it is my life. 💀 i just know i have a vision i go towards and i keep going regardless of the bs but it is tiring. and it’s cool that you and other people can see the good in their life. but sometimes people have a life where everything truly is falling before them so i also can’t be one of those people to say “oh i see the love in life”. i don’t think everyone will feel that is the way to go for them. idk. ig i still need to find out what will actually pull shit together for me. thank you so much for allowing a space for venting. i was literally blowing up on the inside. 💀

i am so sorry i misinterpreted and misunderstood you so much in ur ask !! omg. i truly and deeply apologize. i’m sorry if it came off like i was minimizing anything you shared at all. thank you for feeling this is a safe place to rant, and i’m glad you got it out. <3

i do want to mention that, i truly hope it doesnt come off that everything is so easy for me and has always flowed so easily in my life. its extremely important to be that i am transparent and honest on this blog and true to my journey. i’ve never tried to make it seem like everything has been great and easy. ever since learning the law, i have seen some of my most darkest days with my mental health as well as have watched my life crumble to rock bottom several times. the only reason i am where i am now is because it finally became too painful to keep enduring. so i let go, and chose to shift my perspective even though life gave me no reason to do so. i always want to be honest about what i’ve gone through, so that i may reach people who feel alone when the journey isn’t as smooth as they thought it would be. thats v important to me. and of course, i can only express myself and help others from my lived experience. and it may not be for everyone, but i can only stay authentic to my truth.

i truly hope you find your way, whatever it may be ! of course, this life is a journey and eventually you’ll find yourself more in tune with what works for you. <3

[koqabear]

sol... friend... *cat hug gif* this was definitely worth the wait because it's by far the best halloween and yandere fic i've ever read and i'm just so amazed at how you manage to outdo yourself Every Time?? and that the time and work you spent on this were worth every single second because holy shit do i have so much to say 😭😭 i really tried to not make this one sound like another analysis essay but i suppose it's okay because it's all coming from the heart either way 🫶🏼

for starters, i just want to talk about how amazing the building and development was for beomgyu and yeonjun. they were two extremely distinct characters despite having the same goal and the way they were written was just *chef's kiss* i really loved how different they were towards mc due to their relationships with her, one being a stranger and the other being her best friend, and how this carried over into how easy it was for them to give in to their darker desires. with beomgyu as a stranger, it's a lot easier for him to cross certain boundaries and invade mc's privacy because his relationship with her is different. he doesn't have years of friendship weighing on his shoulders, or the constant nagging in the back of his mind that he can't do or think certain things about mc because that's his friend, which is why it takes so little for him to give in and snoop at her private photo albums, and even less to presumably install a rat (remote access trojan) onto her laptop so he can spy on her through her webcam. the things that came so easily to beomgyu, took time and a little manipulation for yeonjun.

i think the scene where they lie to mc is a really good example of what comes easy and the overall difference between them. beomgyu lies to mc so easily, as if he does it all the time, whereas yeonjun hates it. he hates that he has to follow along with the lie beomgyu comes up with on the spot because he can't tell mc what they were actually talking about so he has to deceive her. once they team up, beomgyu secures his spot on yeonjun's shoulder and acts as the little devil on it that whispers all sorts of bad things and plants ideas in his mind until all of the barriers between him and mc come down. what really took me by surprise though, was that at some point we find out that once all those barriers are gone, yeonjun is just as bad as beomgyu (see what i did there? 🤭🤭). all it takes is one stressful situation and beomgyu planting a few ideas in his head until yeonjun beomgyu technically successfully plants a tracking device he bought for mc onto mc's phone and installs another rat to spy on her through her webcam despite previously saying she should probably cover it up because who knows who may or may not be looking on the other side?

after that was when things got really interesting, and also really confusing. it's not that it was hard to read or anything, i just kept jumping between the stalker being soobin or beomgyu and yeonjun because as soon as soobin comes into the picture, the latter's perspectives are suddenly closed off and kept off screen which is why i kept jumping between the three. i think the reason why i even suspected soobin was because the letters only started once he was in the picture, but also because i couldn't see what beomjun were up to, and i know you definitely did that on purpose to confuse people like ME because i was a detective! i was gonna get to the bottom of this case so i was analyzing EVERYTHING. there were so many lines within letters that could be connected to either of them but there was this one part i noticed that made me really suspicious of beomjun. i noticed how the photos attached would only have one or the other in them, never both of them together like an actual outsider could have gotten and my theory only seemed to prove itself when it's mentioned that the camera angles were always different—as if it were two different people taking them. unfortunately, this wasn't enough for me to decide it was definitely beomjun because as soon as soobin was thrown back into the picture, i completely trash that idea and suspect him again. i kept going back and forth, but in the end i concluded it was soobin which was why i sent those asks about how i got it right only to immediately follow up and say i didn't but i actually did because as you can see.... i also thought it was beomjun, the possibility of them setting up soobin just didn't occur to me until it was exposed that that's exactly what they did.

the cabin part was another favorite of mine because it was just so... yandere. even here, there's still those differences between beomgyu and yeonjun with how fast they advance with mc, and when all of the coddling is over, those differences manifest in how forgiving they are of mc when she tries to run away. even though beomgyu claims to love mc, he's ultimately cold and sadistic. he doesn't actuallycare about mc, or at least not the same way yeonjun does. again, i think this all roots back to their initial relationships with her because although yeonjun was rough with mc when they were bringing her back, he wasn't the one who suggested she should be punished while she was running a fever. it's beomgyu who suggests it and when yeonjun doesn't agree, he's quick to turn it on him and say this only happened because of him. beomgyu quickly morphs from the little devil on yeonjun's shoulder, into an entire entity that forces him to do things he doesn't want to do by manipulating and guilt tripping him. the entire time i was reading, whenever beomgyu would do this, i would immediately pick up on it and think damn he's good. and even though there are times when yeonjun would do the same thing, i felt like it was never to the extent beomgyu did and it didn't have nearly the same effect as beomgyu because to me, yeonjun was still human. he was simply forced to act a certain way because that's what beomgyu wanted, it was how he tried to reconstruct yeonjun entirely and eventually it all came back to bite him in the ass because yeonjun was never really like him. 

"you can die for all i care." this scene only proved that, but the damage was already done. yeonjun wasn't entirely himself anymore, even if he saved mc from dying, he still repeatedly stabs beomgyu and continues to do so when he's waaayy past dead.

also, can i just say that reading this part was so crazy because it felt like i was reading a movie? the setting being an isolated cabin on top of a cliff, covered in snow was just perfect to me because i absolutely loved picturing how something as gross and unclean like the blood after a murder mixing with and tainting something as pure and white as snow—hell, even having it in his blonde hair was a trip for me. but back onto the original topic!

"YOU'RE JUST AS BAD!"

i've been wanting to talk about this since i read it because..... oh my god. i think this is the only acceptable way a writer should use all caps because it was just so powerful?!?!1? literally though, because those four words are enough to snap the tiny tiny thread that was holding yeonjun and what little sanity he had left and he tries to kill mc </33 i would have never seen that coming, nor would i have seen mc killing yeonjun because beomgyu had been carrying a gun this entire time. that man was crazy?? why did he have that... was it to get rid of yeonjun?? SO MANY QUESTIONS. but alas.... i will never know because both of them are dead

all in all, i think this was an amazing story and i had so much fun reading it. it was so immersive and entertaining that looking back, it's crazy to think that i'm only reading fanfiction. i think you have a real talent for writing and i wanted to say this before but my ask never got sent so i'll say it here! before i stumbled across your blog, i was scared shitless of reading longer fics, but after reading what the body wants and now only you, darling i've really warmed up and have come to love them in a way i never knew or thought i could because i really believe now that every word is worth the read since it all paints such a big and complex picture that you really just can't get anywhere else. honestly, thinking of it now, i think it's really crazy how creative you are because had someone asked me to come up with such an intricate storyline as this and then write it? i'd spontaneously combust because this really is a talent 😭 i'm not all that good at getting all of my thoughts out, specifically when complimenting, despite my lengthy asks but i hope you know that i do recognize all of the tiny details that make up your stories, even if i don't point them out! besides that, i'm very happy with how this came out and i really hope you are too! i'm not sure how many interactions you'll get considering it's a long story and does take a while to read like you said, but i hope this doesn't discourage you from writing something like this again and that the feedback you receive from those who do take the time to read, is enough to instill confidence and pride in you that no matter how many numbers there are—your story is beyond good and i really can't wait to see what else you'll come up with <3 

i hope that wasn't too sentimental either, because now i have to send the incoherent monstrosity that is my rough draft of this ask. for the most part, they start off the same because i was picking and choosing parts to include and exclude so it might feel like you're reading the same thing all over again, but i promise you! there are differences! that's all i wanted to say though! i hope you're having a good day, and with that i'll finally sign off lmfao – ml

Again, I’ll be addressing specific points below, goddd thank you so much for these asks <3

( I 🫶 ml anon)

-I hope you know that there is no such thing as a review that’s too long on this site, and to think that you gave me both of these gorgeous reviews??? I feel so lucky to have you as an anon, I feel so appreciated <3

(Beomjun’s relationships w/ the mc) -I’ll never get over the fact that i was able to write their character successfully— their relationships with her paid a key part in how they would manipulate her and how quickly— Beomgyu latched onto Yeonjun because of how easily he picked up on his feelings for mc; he knew that it would be the fastest way to get close to her and inside her head. 

(Yeonjun was bad all along!)

-Yeonjun is suuuuch a hypocrite in this story, but I just adored writing him and his teetering sense of morality— and making Beomgyu slowly break it was so satisfying to me as well 🤭

(Who’s behind the letters?) -The idea of the letters only came to when Soobin was introduced— and, you can probably guess who proposed the idea. I’d like to think that Beomgyu made it seem like some grand romantic gesture to convince yj— that even if she would become paranoid and unstable, it would prove that she would always come back to them, and yj could finally express some of his feelings to her— the unhealthier, the better. 

My original plan was to have beomjun make mc cut ties with everyone — make her think that the whole world was against her, that no one would believe her, and that the stalker could be anywhere. But in the end, I decided it would be better if they just did that in a more indirect way— hence, the pictures, unnerving gifts, and threats.  (Beomgyu is fucking evil)

-In the end, Beomgyu was never truly in love with her— it was more like the idea of her and the escapism he sought through her. I never got too detailed in his home life, but I will say it’s not the best— there are small hints at it, but he simply saw the mc as a distraction; and when she didn’t turn out to be the perfect malleable puppet he thought she would be, he simply didn’t care for her anymore. 

Yeonjun, however, has years and years of memories with her— he knows her better than she knows herself, has met all her family and has even visited the ones that are out of town/state— he’s gone on vacations with her, they’ve been through tough times together, and have basically been together for all their lives; granted, they only became closer in the more recent years of their friendship, but the foundation is still very strong— so whenever Yeonjun hesitated to hurt her, it was because his connection with her truly ran deeper than just affection; at some point, it was just them against the world. Plus, when he thinks of the harm he’s done to her, he also thinks of her family— after all, they love and trust him enough that they called him when they wanted to check up on the mc— I could go on and on about their relationship, but then I’d just be repeating myself. (It’s just so interesting) 

(Yeonjun and his attempt at manipulation)  -God I love how detailed you are with this review, it just lets me continue my ramble about the characters— Yeonjun, essentially, was afraid of Beomgyu. He knew from the very beginning that he was no good and that there was something wrong with him— so whenever Beomgyu begins to become harsher with his tactics, Yeonjun decides at some point that it’s simply better to just go along with it; he’s literally seen the extent that bg will go to get rid of someone he sees as an obstacle. Who's to say he wouldn’t be next? 

(My favorite cabin scene <3) -Goooddd, I’d give anything to allow you guys to see my vision; that scene will forever hold a special place in my heart, I just wish I described it more— so I will proceed to do so now! 

In my mind, it was set during blue hour— it’s an actual thing, and it’s absolutely gorgeous. the lights are off because the mc simply didn’t feel like turning them on yet— there was still enough natural light for her to see clearly. 

Since it’s a very desolate cabin atop a mountain, it’s silent— save for the wind that continuously hits the windows and whistles through branches. So, when yj is continuously stabbing bg, the sound is loud— deafening, even. He’s grunting, yelling, frustrated and even crying at some point as he straight up loses his mind— and mc is just pressed against the wall, shaking in horror as she’s forced to witness it all. 

The rest is history, but I hope y’all know how much I just love that scene. 

(I love this quote sm(you’re just as bad!))  -God, that quote was immediately in my planning notes— I knew from the very beginning that it would be in there. I absolutely despise when dialogue is written in all caps because I feel like there’s always better ways that a writer can describe a person yelling— but this, this was more than that. 

This was the mc finally standing her ground— a desperate attempt to make Yeonjun see that he would not get away with what he did, that they ruined her life— she had allowed herself to be manipulated and pushed around long enough, and now she was tired. 

As I wrote it in, I just prayed that all of that would be portrayed the format of it— all caps can truly be powerful if used correctly <3

(Beomgyu is fucking insane!!!/ the gun in his jacket))

-Aaaaaahhhhh I loooove this quote because yes!!! That man was out of his goddamn mind!! 

The only thing I have to say is… neither of them were ever truly going to be content with sharing. 

(My gratitude + plans for the future) 

-It’s crazy to think that writing fan fiction of all things is what helped me realize my passion— this blog has been and immense step forward in bettering my writing and figuring out what works and what doesn’t— it sounds bittersweet, but my goal is to move on from this account in the future and become a published author; now if I’m successful or not is another milestone. 

I won’t lie, it was a bit disheartening to see the big difference between take it!, emo boy, and OYD. From my experience, small smut fics are usually what courses through the app best; and there’s nothing wrong with that! There are days where short stories are all I have the patience to read, so I understand why a big 40K project would be so off putting. 

But, the thing about OYD is that it’s not meant to be broken up into smaller pieces— it’s supposed to be this giant, overwhelming rollercoaster because you’re meant to be placed in the mc’s perspective; you’re meant to see the slow descent into madness, forced to sit with the heavy ending thinking “what now?” Because poor mc, that’s the true question for her; Unfortunately, I will say that she wouldn’t be living a very happy life after all that. 

But now, after seeing all this intricate feedback on my story, I realized that it truly doesn’t matter! Yes, it sucks that my long project didn’t do any insane numbers, and sometimes I feel a little disrespected (lightheartedly) whenever someone drops a like and leaves it at that, (this isn’t instagram, my lovelies!) but reviews like yours are what truly make it worth it in the end. Knowing that I’ve reached people, managed to get my message across, and impacted them enough that they went out of their way to leave such sweet comments— it’s those little things that make me excited to come back. I hope that my works only continue to improve in the future <3

(Thank you ml anon :)) )

-Thank you thank you thank youuuuu soooo much for all you do, I can never express how much I really appreciate and think about you— seriously, the effect you have breaches into real life; I won’t forget how giddy and happy both of these reviews left me for days, and I’m sorry it took me so long to respond! It’s just that I wanted to make sure that I gave back the energy you put into writing this. I hope you know that people like you are what keep me passionate to write more. 

[butterfliestothemoon]

My thoughts on “oil and water” *spoilers*

Sooooooo Vi says that the mix between her and Caitlyn is “oil and water” they can’t mix. She thinks that they are so different that they can’t be together because neither can change.

So we all know that oil and water don’t mix, and more specifically that oil is water-repellent (hydrophobic), which, along with other science stuff, ends up with oil floating to the top and water staying on the bottom.

In this case we are getting this analogy from VI’s perspective. Water being Zaun, the lower city. And oil being Piltover, the upper city, if you will.

Vi sees people from Zaun as her people, she belongs in water, she doesn’t think badly of them(excluding Silco, and his following), water is good for you. BUT she sees people of Piltover as bad and corrupt, like oil.

During a lot of the series she put all people into these two categories, oil or water, nothing in between.

Of course this changes when she meets Caitlyn, who should be put into the “oil” category, but is proving to be neither corrupt nor bad. She also sees Echo, who is neither “oil” or “water”. And lastly, she no longer falls into either of the categories. So as her relationship with Caitlyn is growing, the categories fade.

This changes when Vi gets triggered. She logically saw that not all of Piltover is out to get her anymore, unlike all of her childhood. Buuuuut she gets triggered when the Council says that they can’t help her. All of the sudden, she gets pulled back into her past where Piltover was out to make her fail, and there were only two categories of people. She then makes the illogical decision that Caitlyn is only “oil” and nothing else. So Vi leaves her.

Here is also something I found cool:

Vi isn’t used to getting what she wants, she isn’t used to being happy. She wants to go to her comfort zone of being alone. So she breaks it off with Caitlyn.

Caitlyn is only used to getting what she wants. All her life she has been given basically whatever she wanted or needed, which is why she was chasing after Vi. That’s she tried to keep them together.

AND I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT IN THE OIL AND WATER SCENE I WAS SOOOOOOO DESTROYED!!!!!! THEY DESERVE TO BE HAPPY TOGETHER!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I’m still sad about that to this day

[levmada]

ftm!Levi headcanons [Erurihan]

this is part 2/3! read part 1 here.

i go over other facets of the trans experience in this one, notably periods and stupid assholes being ignorant, aka transphobia (mixed in with erurihan, obvi).

this part picks up on year 846 thru 848 (minimal spoilers)

finally, holy shit this got to another 3k before i had even more i wanted to say. the next part will be the last, promise.

//detailed talk of periods, transphobic behavior (pronoun misuse), detailed talk of female-to-male gender dysphoria

year 3 cont’d (846)

asides on periods (slightly scientifical)

disclaimer: There isn’t much of a bottom line on how periods impact any one person (e.g., how painful they are, how heavy they are, timeframes from start to end, even consistent cycles), and the degree to which menstruation bothers transmasc afab people differs, because they are all individuals. So, I’ll use personal experience to base ideas off of while taking into consideration Levi’s character.

Back in the stomping grounds of Levi’s youth, there sure as shit wasn’t a 5-star banquet waiting at home—ever. Even before the Fall, the desolate and the destitute of the Underground suffered from food shortages, rampant crime, and so on. The No Regrets manga states that the whole premise of the Underground was to build a haven safe from Titans for the population if the Walls ever fell; sure worked out real well, huh.

Anyway, not a lot of food. And in case you didn’t know, not eating enough=inconsistent, light cycles, or a lack of menstruation entirely if things do in fact get that bad, to the point of starving. Kuchel most definitely didn’t live long enough to help teach Levi about anything having to do with it, and as funny as it is to imagine Kenny taking a (literal?) stab at it, there isn’t much canon info on his and Levi’s relationship, so whether Kenny would put in that kind of effort and whether Levi would bring it up in the first place is a bit of a moot point.

In any case: Levi would think he was dying, actually. Below his navel, it feels like his insides are being ripped to shreds, and he’s fucking bleeding—out of (what he would think) is the place he normally pisses from. Levi would go about it like an internal wound, probably, and not tell a soul. Let’s say he’s 13 or 14 to take into account high stress and lack of nutrition Underground. (If Levi was in his late teens/very early 20s when he met Farlan and Isabel, timelines would line up. I say that because he would have a better handle on the monthly bleeding by that time, Isabel being a factor and all.)

The first times: An internal wound that wrenches Levi’s guts and at times makes it so painful to move that when it starts he's usually forced to take refuge in a squat, a tiny hideout or even a shelter if he must. Levi would scrounge for makeshift bandages, and use any clean ones he finds because the blood ruins all his damn clothes—fucking nasty. Levi doesn’t tell Kenny at first, since he’s not around much at this point (~age 13), and he’d probably scoff at him anyway and remind Levi that he needs to learn to survive independently.

"If y’aren’t dyin’, ya shouldn’t be cryin’, yeah?"

As we know, Kenny took Levi in because he wasn’t such a piece of shit as to leave him to die, but he’s no parent, either. Kuchel had to do with this kindness (most likely). Kenny was her brother, but a man who slits throats for a living doesn’t make a good dad, either. In his own perspective, he could never be a father figure, not even if he tried.

Okay enough about Kenny sorry

Well, the bleeding and the pain stops eventually—obviously. I don’t think Levi would seek out advice from a physician (if there are any reputable ones Underground), and a trip Aboveground is too expensive to warrant it. Levi would probably just move on with himself and call it luck that whatever happened to him, stopped. Until the next month, that is.

Farlan would be the one to educate Levi I think 😭 seeing how I base events off the No Regrets manga rather than the OVA. Levi met Farlan first, and Isabel sometime later, when she was 11-13. He’d find Levi’s bloodstained undergarments/trousers while taking over for laundry (early on into their partnership I imagine), only for his stomach to drop at the sight of old blood soaked into the fabric.

“Tell me why the hell you were injured, n' didn’t tell me?”

Levi would pause from cleaning his knife, and stare at him. “I’m not. It just happens. F'you can’t handle a little blood, don’t do my fuckin' laundry.”

Levi was probably with the understanding that this only happened to him specifically, until Farlan informed him otherwise (not that he knew much more than Levi did).

The bleeding after that is just one of those sickening things about himself that Levi detests. It’s filthy and the whole 5-7 day process has a tendency to weaken or even leave him bedridden, but there’s nothing to be done for it—not while living Underground. Levi had a tendency for completely isolating himself during cycles, unwilling to face Farlan or even Isabel; which left the responsibility of bookkeeping and jobs in general up to the former.

present day

Hange would educate the fuck out of Levi on this subject, whether he liked it or not. I fully believe Levi could get away with hiding his cycles for so long, despite the fact that eating better meant more consistent/heavier periods. If he planned ahead, requesting time off for the worst days and sticking to paperwork on the better ones, then it worked out. That was until Levi and Erwin took to sharing the same living space.

Once it starts, there’s a real threat to the bedsheets Levi must take into account, and the supply of bandages going missing. But it doesn’t matter anyway because not even 12 hours in, and every time Levi moves to stand or does anything that rattles his core in some way, he’s biting back a wince.

He can’t avoid the one he lives with though, and it just so happens that Erwin is a perceptive genius that is trained acutely to Levi’s body language and all his little mannerisms. And for that matter, Hange is far too nosy not to investigate when Levi doesn’t turn up for training, a meeting, or when said meeting is cancelled altogether after Erwin starts asking questions.

“Levi?”

Levi can feel Erwin’s gaze scrutinizing him from behind his desk. All he’s doing is kneeling down to grab some files, but it feels like his insides are being eviscerated. He doesn’t indulge him.

Unswayed by Levi’s silence, Erwin stands. “I’m not blind, you know. Where are you injured?”

Levi ignores him again, grabs the damn paperwork and smacks it against Erwin’s chest when he’s gotten close. He has enough pride left to do that, and—with the emotional turmoil Levi goes through when he’s bleeding—it upsets him far more than usual to notice the height difference between them. Levi tells Erwin to drop it, that he’s fine, but it sounds grueling for him just to get the words out.

Erwin regards Levi—who at this point is clearly pained and upset, asks, “Why are you lying to me?”—before it finally clicks that Erwin’s intellect doesn’t stretch so far as to remember Levi’s birthsex. The latter presents himself so damn well that it slipped his mind, and only recently did Levi and Erwin begin sharing a living space. All this time, when it’s that time of the month, Levi has hid it from Hange and Erwin both without any problems.

I imagine around this time that Hange raps at the door (but doesn’t bother to wait before they enter) and bursts inside. Long have they been on a quest to find these two, because not a soul in HQ has seen the Captain or Commander all day.

Similar to the matter regarding chest-binding, Hange and Erwin are hard-pressed to garner a little information from Levi; it wasn't easy back then. But, with the passing of so much time, growing close to each other too, it’s easier. Just as well, the idea of menstruation requires much less explanation.

Erwin is supportive, but (I doubt) as knowledgeable as Hange concerning how it can be helped. There are herbal remedies to ease the pain, and proper products to stave off the bleeding. Cue Hange giving Erwin a crash course on the entire fucking science of the hormones and physiology of periods lmao.

coping

Levi is naturally stunned by all the crutches and new information, but as for the long winded science of it, there’s no doubt in my mind that he wouldn’t wanna hear it. It’s a frightening idea to him too—being cared for and treated tenderly during these times by Hange and Erwin, more than any other.

Levi wouldn’t want Hange to drop their research (despite how much he’s disgusted by it), he wouldn’t want Erwin to put commanding aside. In short, Levi doesn’t feel important enough to be made a priority at all. He’s definitely not a stranger to keeping himself alive all alone after all, but Erwin is downright insulted by the insinuation that Levi’s wellbeing doesn’t matter all that much.

Cue 2-3 days of mandatory medical leave per month for Levi, depending on whether the pain’s so grueling that it leaves him bedridden or not. It’s not as if Erwin and Hange can drop absolutely everything in equal measure to care for Levi (not that he’d want that anyway), but they sure as hell give him priority, alright?

Erwin will take some light reading or mission reports to the bedroom, and have Levi lay between his legs so the former can both work a little and massage Levi’s cramps away. As for cravings, and his much more abrasive moods during these times, I feel like Erwin is the most patient man in the world lmao. He’s not a natural caretaker, but he certainly knows Levi well enough that he can give him what he needs without him needing to say a word.

Hange is similar in this way (in canon, Hange is known for ‘translating’ Levi’s words seeing how he’s not the best at getting his point across), and they’re somehow super affectionate and in tune with Levi’s feelings??

“It’s ‘cause of all the lab-rats you keep,” Levi would mutter, but relax at Hange’s presence at his back, holding him close and pressing a pack of heated linen to his belly.

“Sure, dear.”

They’d kiss his temple, Erwin perched on the edge of the bed at Levi’s other side, maybe petting his hair while doing something else.

Really, Hange has personal experience. They know what it’s like besides just knowing all there is to know about it.

Levi can’t go on pretending like he hates every second that they’re there, either. He’s secretly incredibly thankful, and gets so fucking soft at them when his emotions are running high. I think this translates as small acts of service depending on his pain—for instance making small meals, or flitting Hange’s glasses back up their nose if Levi notices them straying. Also, much more sincerely returning physical affection, because always and without fail, Levi struggles to convey his feelings through words alone.

As an afterthought, I think Levi would almost exclusively wear Erwin’s button-downs and sweaters during cycles (both due to his chest swelling, feeling tender, and they’re comforting to him<3); he’d also keep a towel draped across his side of the bed at all times—regardless of whether it’s during those first few days or not—until Levi is sure it’s over.

(as a side note, Hange is equally well-taken care of during their own cycles, as light as they may be. More on that, in the next part.)

transphobia

It’s comforting to imagine—in wake of aot being a fantastical fictional universe—that real-life issues such as homophobia and discrimination don’t exist, but then again this would be a massive contradiction to some of the heaviest themes of the story. Even with humanity being proverbially trapped in a cage, people are bound to hold resentments against each other for the most unjustifiable of non-reasons.

No one’s gonna dare say a thing to Levi’s face, of course. Despite his size, his standoffish, no-nonsense personality is widely infamous all throughout the military, let alone the Survey Corps. Though, certain exceptions are bound to slip through the cracks. New recruits that are way in over their heads with an ego the size of a fucking Titan, usually, or the occasional tonedeaf politician/noble.

The way Levi deals with this when it’s said to his face or within earshot (and given it’s no one other than a member of the Survey Corps)—is a scathing insult, or a threat, naturally. And if they go on, Levi will gladly give the bigot an ass-beating. It’s that simple.

“Tell me what you just told him to my face, you piece of shit. I dare you.”

However, if it isn’t a situation like that, but rather a pompous asshole the Survey Corps or Erwin’s reputation could get in hot water over, the best Levi can do is glare with all the vitriol he’s got and bear it.

Lastly, underhanded talk and gossip happens all the time. If Erwin or Hange catch wind of anything—especially Erwin—they’re good for backhanded compliments and undermining the person’s intelligence with sly comments and underhanded insults. Erwin will even go further than that in the name of the kind of man Levi is (truly, there is miles more to him than his gender): he’ll manipulate the situation into making the bigot look like a fool (if it’s a member of the brass or a noble) and if it’s a member of the military like an MP, Erwin is conniving enough to report them to their superior. Given the small nature of the crime, he’ll usually lie, but who’s really gonna disbelieve Commander Erwin, let alone take the word of a footsoldier over his own?

year 4-5 (847–848)

gender dysphoria

By this point, Levi has been with the Scouts a long time, but the effects of gender dysphoria have remained a dark, oppressive constant through almost his entire life. The difference between a dark, decrepit life in the Underground and Aboveground is the full support of those Levi is closest to, besides chest-binding, and the proper changes to the clothes he wears; pronouns, too.

The point is: Things will never be perfect, not 100% right. There are good days and bad ones, not that Levi is particularly inclined to ever let the bad ones even show.

Some days, he can hardly go out in public without three layers of clothes and a permanent glare set on his face—if he could, and regardless of how small it is, he’d tear his fucking chest off because it isn’t right. It doesn’t feel right, and it never has, but the best he can do is bind, push through it all, and cope.

At the worst of times, even his sharp facial structure or eyelashes is enough to disrupt Levi’s entire mood. He’ll push through with grooming himself in the mornings anyway (of course), but that doesn’t mean he isn’t hating his body the entire time, either.

transphobia (again) / the worst parts

The most destructive trigger for Levi’s gender dysphoria is the showy political events he’s dragged to by Erwin every month or so, whether to gain favor with the brass, or to attain funding for the Scouts. It’s not as if Levi is forced to go exactly—Erwin on many occasions has offered to go alone or bring Miche/Hange instead—but Levi knows his own reputation with the public, and in turn, how advantageous it is to go along. All the shiny, illustrious bullshit never fails to make Levi’s skin crawl, so the best thing to do is stick by Erwin’s side and keep his mouth shut; the latter especially, seeing how Levi’s buttons are easily pressed at these things, and his smartass attitude isn’t helpful. In fact, no matter what Levi says, his words are often taken the wrong way, even if he does mean well.

This has earned snide remarks of being called ‘the Commander’s dog’ more than once. ‘Mutt’, too, seeing how no one in the inner Walls could ever quite let go of the ‘rags-to-riches’ story everyone paints of Levi: “Incredible, Commander Erwin. How do you take an Underground street-rat and integrate her into society? Much less make her your most important soldier?’

Remarks like this make Levi see red—if he’s holding a glass at the time, it’s prone to cracking in his hand, but in any case he can rarely go on without excusing himself and storming off somewhere to wrangle his temper. It’s just as bad for Erwin, who can’t even get away with a scathing reply or insulting the offender (depending on how wealthy they are) without devastating ramifications.

Transphobic remarks are worse, though usually, to the outside observer Levi’s ‘condition’ is reduced to him just being ‘different’ or ‘very strange’—ignorant people don’t even have the means to be all that insulting, given they’re ignorant enough.

Never has Levi felt smaller however than when he’s referred to as a woman again. Nobles and politicians can utter snide remarks all day, but the one thing no one can refute is the fact that Levi is female. Regardless of how he hides his hips and his face and hell, his entire body, as much as he tries to mask his appearance and change a purely unchangeable facet of himself, they can never be wrong about that fact.

Levi never, ever wears a dress to those soirees or anything even remotely showy. If he’s able, he’ll don his uniform and cape for reputation purposes. A majority of the time, Levi is as preened up as Erwin: a pressed three-piece suit and bowtie, elegant dress shoes, and so on. As damn frustrating as it is, sometimes Levi will get to feeling like he needs to claw his skin off, burn away and emerge from the ashes a brand new man, anyway.

Levi won’t beg for support, not even when he can’t catch his breath, everything feels wrong, and he can’t bear even being seen by Erwin and Hange, of all people. As Levi has done for the vast majority of his life, he’d rather pretend nothing is wrong and suffer alone.

Hange especially won’t be having that, naturally. Once they get word and figure out Levi is having a hard time, they’ll even speak through a damn door to reassure him; if he really does need to be alone, they’ll go. But if he says nothing and maybe even lets them in eventually, they’ll happily wrap Levi in a fleecy blanket, and keep him company (most times in amicable silence). Erwin is the same in this way, though he isn’t afraid of completely contradicting Levi’s disordered feelings with a level-head, and more often than not, he will allow Erwin to pull him into his arms. This in spite of how much Levi weakly objects and tries his utmost to act tough.

“Who you are is what you make of yourself, and your actions. It’s no concern of them then, whether you’re a man or a woman.” Erwin gently buries his hand in Levi’s thick locks of hair. “Your reputation should speak for itself.”

“I know that.”

Levi harshly bites down on his lip and covers his chest. Protectively, Erwin’s hold grows a little more snug, as if he’s swaddling Levi with his arms.

Erwin makes his voice hush, “You’re not broken, my love.”

“...I know.”

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