#*EXPLODES AND DIES LIKE A LEGO CHARACTER*

[potatobugz]

DALV ENJOYER YAYYY ^___^ we need more dalv fans..... I love him smch

$($-+#-#+!!!! THIS IS ADORABLE!!!!! bbaaaaah i love the way u draw him, he looks so polite...... splendid

[spinning-stars]

Horror charaters x A bone obsessed Y/N

I did this for all my animal bone collector horror fans (Myself included) 🖤🦴

Characters include- Asa Emory, The Sinclair brothers, Bubba Sawyer and Thomas Hewitt!

It's Sfw!

Warnings- there is a part skinning animals, I'll let y'all know when that part will come up!

Enjoy 🖤

Asa Emory-

It's Asa so of course he's going to love the fact that you love animal bones.

💜 (scroll to heart # 2 this is the mention of skinning animals part!!!) Every time one of Asa's victims' pet dies due to one of his traps or one of his dogs dies or he finds a dead animal, he doesn't like to waste. Asa makes sure the animal is dead before he loads them up and takes them to his workspace, he'll de-skin and clean up the bones for you to keep. If the animal was a bird or something small he'll try and make a necklace with them. He won't tell you how or where he got the bones.

💜 He will definitely try getting you into insects/bugs exoskeleton, he will pull up another chair and teach you how to pin the animals wings and how to frame them for display. He's rather patient with you, and if you enjoy it you and him will have a little weekly date doing that exactly.

💜 Asa would always be on high look out for animal bones as he stalks his next victims. (One time he found a box of animal bones in one of his victims room and took them to give to you on your birthday🖤)

💜 When y'all move in together he will set up the coolest room ever, framed bugs on the wall, cool animal bone decor, and a bone pillow, as a little surprise.

Vincent Sinclair-

He finds your bone obsession to be cute tbh.

💚 He will make you little wax skeleton of your favorite animal. You just came home from helping Lester with Jonesy and you just see Vincent waddling up to you to hand you it. (He's more excited to give you your gift than anything else in the entire world)

💚 Vincent may not leave the house often but Lester does. So every day Vincent asks Lester to try and find some animal bones so that he can wrap them up in a little bouquet.

💚 He makes it a habit to search the bodies before he covers them in wax, he knows people wear shark teeth, alligator teeth and sometimes bones quite a bit.

💚 Once he figured out what was your favorite skeleton he told Bo to take you out to eat somewhere, head to the store for food and let you help in the shop for the day. He told Lester to pick up very specific shades of room paint. (I headcannon that Vincent has trained Lester's eyes to tell the difference between 2 colors that barely have a difference.) Once Lester came back he started painting a detailed mural on the wall.

Bo Sinclair-

Doesn't mind the bones obsession.

💙Bo trys to make him out to be "oh ok." And does nothing about the obsession kind of guy but he fails at that so badly.

💙 "Hey babe, I got you some of these bone shaped candies because you have a weird obsession." (He has to throw a small insult in there or he will literally explode)

💙Bo will sit in the shop all day and work on carving a little bone design into a peice of metal to make a ring/bracelet for you. (Vincent provided the drawings for him to make the ring/bracelet)

💙 This Mother fucker is a good pick pocketer and thief. Every time he sees someone wearing bones he will figure out a way to get it and give it to you.

Lester Sinclair-

Lester is Lester.

❤️He will feed into your obsession the most.

❤️ Every. Single. Day. He will bring you baskets of animal bones (Most of them are teeth)

❤️ Lester would carve you and him matching animal bone knifes, you can't convince me otherwise.

❤️ He would buy you a Lego animal bone set, I can't unsee it. (Most likely one of the dinosaur ones)

Bubba Sawyer-

He misunderstood the assignment a bit

💛 you made the slight mistake of not specifically telling him what bones you exactly liked, so he brings you human bones.

💛 Once you correct him and tell him you ment animal bones he made it his mission to search every single spot for one.

💛 on every note he left you there will be a very tiny animal tooth attached to it.

💛 he'll forget sometimes and accidentally give you human bones again

Thomas Hewitt-

Has a bone obsession too.

🧡 He too has a bone obsession and he made a little case dedicated to y'all's obsession.

🧡 Like Bubba he will not get the assignment unless specifically told animal bones.

🧡 ever since you moved in with the Hewitts you've noticed more and more bone decor. (Tommy just wants you to this the house is nice)

🧡 He got a *your favorite animal* skull tattoo because it reminds him of you <3

Authors note- Hello hello 👋 I hope you enjoyed! Requests are open!!!! Have a lovely day<3

Ps. @stitcheswashere13 was my old account that had a lot of problems with, if you liked my content of there and wondered where I went I'm now here!

[giddlygoat]

me talking to my dad about ninjago: you know, the upside of fixating on a show with like 16 seasons is you have plenty to binge. 

my dad: oh, wow. just keep binging, huh?

me: yeah, just keep binging… at this point i should have a bingo card of tropes that the writers reuse. 

my dad: [chuckle] yeah. 

me: like, it’s not even that good anymore but it’s really entertaining and i’m having a blast.

my dad, clearly puzzled: it’s not good?

me: i mean, there’s a lot of stuff they wanted to do but couldn’t because it’s a kid’s show.

my dad: and you’re talking about the lego show? like TV 7?

me: yeah, yeah, i know - but there’s a lot of implied really dark themes that they just didn’t get to explore, so there’s lots of untapped potential.

my dad: heh. alright, then.

me: i mean, after a character has died like six times-

my dad: six times? do they have to keep updating their tombstone?

me: uh, they never really got to the tombstone stage. i mean, the first time he died, he exploded. 

my dad: exploded people get tombstones, too, you know.

me: well, he got a memorial, at least. 

my dad: heh. okay. 

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

ok so like despite spending years being constantly online and looking at the words Dungeons and Dragons, i am at a loss as to understanding what d&d is 😭😭😭 and i like ik you love jrwi so like... care to explain maybe??? i really wanna know fhdgdfkgk 😭😭

OH MY GID HM YMG SO MHYH GMYMDOG HI SAPPHO THANK YOU SI MCUH FOR ASKING ME HJS I AM GOING TO EXPLODE OKAY SO.

As a premise i have played dnd but with a group of my friends for like 3 oneshots where i had no idea what was going on really and the dm was pretty inexperienced SO i am going 2 go off of all ive picked up from jrwi mostly since thats where ive learnt like. Everythin abt dnd. SO I MAY BE WRONG ABT SOME STUFF BUT IM EXPLAINING FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF SOMEONE WHO HAS LEARNT EVERYRHING LIKE THIRD HAND.

BUT. so dnd is. Fuck iidk what term u use to explain it but its basically exactly like playing pretend as an 8 year old except with more rules and its fantasy instead of like lego ninjago or whatever The Council of 8 year olds has decided 2 play today.

Im gonna relate EVERYTHING back 2 riptide btw forrrr ease of access SO YEAH OKAY.

In dnd, there r basically 2 roles u can be. Either the dm (the dungeon master) or a player. Simply these r basically like the narrator and the characters sorta. The players each have their own player characters (pc) that they play and they very rarely change who they play in a campaign. They might get a new pc if their old one dies or smth happens to them where they arent around for a while. The dm however, plays pretty much every single other npc in the campaign (and grizzly, the dm of riptide jrwi, does it so fucking well and he has a unique voice for like 80 different characters or smth hes insane). The dm also tells the story and presents the players w the situations they need to get past. The players then decide what they do. The entire thing however is a LOT of yes anding. For example, the dm might be like "so you step into this tavern and around you you see [description of tavern bla bla bla] and sitting at the tables r groups of people, many of them bald, [bla bla bla more description of everything happening round them]. And then with that the players might decide their characters talk to each other a bit and then slap each bald man, resulting in the dm then later creating a combat with the players fighting against a group of bald men. For example. But yea thats the dm n the players basically n yea

However beyond just usual roleplay of like characters interacting and chilling, theres the whole thing w ROLLING. Bc like. Just ROLL with it. Bc like any rpg every character, pc or npc or enemy or anything. Has stats in a few different skills. Since i barely remember playing dnd myself bc that was like almost 2 years ago or smth fuck if i remember, im just gonna list of what i do remember from hearin shit in riptide. So these skills r shit like charisma and strength and wisdom n acrobatics n whatever yknow and i dont actuallyyy remember but ITS FINE. and then there r 2 ways ppl can roll these things. Either checks, or saves. Its sorta difficult to explain the difference between a check and a save because in terms of technicality i dont actually know the difference. But usually checks are for if youve decided to just do an action, but saves are for if youre trying to negate a negative effect or. Whatever. For example, if youre trying to pick up something very heavy, youd make a strength check. But if you were like trying to. Fuck wait i cant think of an example of a strength save. Errr. Ok fuck it im switching 2 charisma examples. A charisma check would be if ur tryna like idk win someone over, but usually ud make a persuasion check or a deception check fuck wait er idk the difference. OKAY IGNORE ME HERE BC IDK THE TECHNICALITIES OF DND THAT WELL BC I HAVENT PLAYED IT IN A WHILE AND I ONLY DID A COUPLE VERY MESSY ONESHOTS. but a saving throw would be for smth likeee lets say someones tryna possess u and u dont want em to. U would make a wisdom saving throw to try to like Resist the possession. If u win the save, u dont get possessed. If u fail it, u get possessed. And the way u determine if something fails or wins, is with dcs. I do not know what dc stands for but its basically whatever number u have to roll higher than to pass.

ANYWAYS. With rolling n shit, with checks n saves, u roll on a d20 (a dice with 20 sides) and then add or subtract ur modifier in that ability. For example, gillion in jrwi has like a -4 to dexterity or smth absurd bc hes not dexterous at all. This means that if he rolls like a 15 on the d20, thatd become an 11 instead. If it is actually a -4 idk the exact number. Altho, chip jrwi has like a +11 to persuasion because hes fucking insane. So then if he rolls a 15 persuasion check thst becomes a fucking 26. Also, rolling a natural 20 or a natural 1 r like. Sorta big things as they r the highest and lowest u can roll. So like, rolling a nat20 is almost always an immediate success UNLESS whatever ur trying to beat has an insanely high dc. For example, at one point gillion had to make a constitution save with like a dc 35 because he had done some crazy shit. He rolled a natural 18, and with all his spells and all his modifiers to give him some kinda buff, he only made it to like a 32 USING ALMOST ALL HIS AND HIS FRIENDS SPELLS. So in this case he wouldve had to roll a nat20, but without the spells and buffs, that wouldnt have succeeded because it wouldve still been below the 35. Anyways.

Theres also a thing called rolling w advantage or disadvantage which is from whst ive seen, just rolling twice and taking whichevwr roll is best. So if u have like an advantage to a perception check bc like lets sayyy someones also looking with you so theyve given you advantage, you could roll twice and keep whichever roll ends up higher. And then vice versa w disadvantage.

Anyways theres a lotta mechanics i cant rlly fully explain bc i dont fully understand lol BUT smth i can explain to the best of my ability is COMBAT. so with combat, you begin with everything that is going to be fighting rolling initiative. This means player characters who r in the fight, enemies in the fight, and anyone who is going to join the fight later. The initiative rolls the decide the turn order, with the highest initiative going first, then down the turn order to the lowest initiative. Each turn, the character can do a buncha shit which i dont fully know BUT. I do know that everyone gets an action for their turn, so with that they could likee go to attack whatever theyre fighting, or use their movement to get away, or cast a spell to help themselves or their friends out or WHATEVER it can literally be like idk fuckin anything. Ur action could b shootin the bad guy in the face or it could b pullin down the pants of ur enemies. But then, some ppl also get a bonus action or maybe everyone or maybe idk i dont know the logistics but theres a number of Things u can do on ur turn until u decide that ur done doing things or if ur out of actions. Also tho bc its still very roleplayed, anyone can like talk to each other, regardless of turn. So like a character during their turn might shout to their ally, who can talk back instead of being locked in a stasis of Not Their Turn. However the person replying cant act on anything until it is their turn. Which leads 4 some kinds funny dialogue ig. Like 4 example it might be like. "Hey, ally, throw the Object over here !!" "I cant !" "Why not ????" "Its not my turn im stuck in my idle animation for the next 6 seconds !" Or whatevwr the fuck. But then they could throw The Object their next turn. Ummm and yeah. Also w combat p much most attacks have to pass the victims AC which is their armour class. So like, if one person wants to stab someone else, the dm will b like okay roll 2 hit. N if the other persons ac is sayyy a 15 (if they remember 2 put on their leather armour and dont forget to equip it for like 50 episodes) then that roll to hit has to end up above a 15, or itll miss. Or however thwy want to flavour it. Sometimes the miss will be flavoured as hitting armour and just clinking off of it, sometimes itll be the victim dodging, sometimes itll be just a complete fuck up, whatever rlly. And then yeah also in combat, if someones hp is reduced to 0, they do not automatically die unless theyre reduced to under double their max hp i think ? Idk the exact thing but no hit so far in riptide has instakilled i dont think other than one that was like crazy insane but that one was like crazy insane dc104 strength save holy fuck kinda blow. Actually i think its different when it comes 2 enemies bc the pcs have plot armour or smth idk man. But if someones hp is reduced to 0 they dont die, theyre knocked unconscious. And then, they remain unconscious until somebody heals them to above 1 hp, and for each round or smth they arent bsck, they make death saves. Idk if the dcs always the same or if its different for different ppl, it seems to just be a dc10 but idk. But if in total the character fails 3 death saves, they r just straight up dead. But if a character succeeds the death saves, theyre still unconscious, but not dead. If theu roll a nat1, thats automatically 2 failed saves in one. But if they roll a nat20, they recover a singular hitpoint and come back up.

Anyways thats all the mechanics shit out the way i do not understand it that well and a lot of it involves maths that im too scared to find out more abt BUT. in dnd as well there r races and classes. The race is like. Ur species. For example in riptide bc i love my examples, chip and jay r just humans, whereas gillion id a triton, so like. A fish guyyy. But with legs hes not a merman. And he is amphibious. Other races in dnd tho include tieflings and orcs and genasi and dragonborne and goliaths and That One Thing My Friend Was In Our Oneshot I Forgor and tabaxis and halflings and elves and a fuckkk ton of different races dude theres a lot. All of them r fantasy tho other than like. Humans. And also pets if there r any. Sometimes the pets r fantasy too. Like on the crew there was a bluebird called apple and she was just a normal bluebird. Well she had some shit going on but tbat wasnt important bc what was important was that her race was at that time just a normal bluebird. Altho theres also the most specialist girl in the whole wide world called pretzel and shes a frogtopus and she has the head of a frog and rhe body of an octopus but frogtopi dont exist irl but yea.

anyways, classes r different to races in that theyre less to do w genetics n more 2 do w abilities. For example, in riptide once again, chip is a rogue (i think hes taken like 2 levels in sorcery ? But hes primarily a rogue), jay is a hunter/ranger i forgot which one and an artificer, and gillion is a paladin and a sorcerer. These classes affect the abilities these ppl r good at and the things they can do, and if theyre magic, the spells they have and also the beliefs they hold. I thinkkk paladins r known 4 bein v like religious n shit bc a lot of the time the other players have been like Yeah Trust A Paladin To Thank God For Us Saving His Life or smth like that. But other classes include things likeee fighters and bards and warlocks and barbarians andddd i forgot any others becauseeeee yeahhhhhh awesomeeee but yeah!

Andddd yea honestly i think thats all the dnd stuff explained theres a few like other stuff ive probably missed out and ive probably got a buncha this shit wrong BUT this is enough 2 understand riptide atleast. I think. Basically, tldr, dnd is roleplay with more rules and fighting and fantasy and the dm is like god to ur players but like also god of the gods. The end.

[ionicslime]

Excuse me waiter my full name is,

Ionic "im already in cool mode" "tutorial character" "i will get a color role if you beat the path of pain in hollow knight" " @king-of-fuffies do radiant gruz mother" "ADMIN WATCH DAWGS HES TRY TO CHANGE MY COLOR WITHOUT MY CONSENT" "THERE WAS NO BASEMENT! IT WAS THE SECOND FLOOR OF MY HOUSE!" "i don't know what a bong is. WHAT THE FUCK IS A BONG" "there should be a suggestion box on this server. THEY CALL IT THE LITTERBOX" "im going to take an emergency shit" "YOU FORGOT TO PICK UP THE LEGO ON THE FLOOR" "i was the best man AND the pope" "does this look like the face of mercy" "you own him therefore you are responsible for them" "the" "you are the father" "if im a moth do i deal 2 masks of damage" "my body is ready" "if it needs a color role you'll never take me alive" "it was funny but also" "extremely" "extremely" "extremely" "extremely" "cursed" "carleah, not pillar john" "he soaks up more damage that way" "everyone has a horror game dopelganger" "Ruck" "Fuffy get your man’s, He exploded" "I need to find Carleah and steal their liver to take their ability to open the thousand-one year door" "Only then Keane McZupp will explode turning into a bagel at 3 am after ordering the among us happy meal" "ethereal toasters are the only thing that can control toast" "all toasters have secret potato slots" "he is several parallel universes behind" "the internet is a giant mcdonalds" "I’m a ocean" "i cant even throw you, much less pick you up" "he didn't know FedEx had a stand" "funny words magic man" "nothing to see here" "Za Waldo!" "Remember besties, don’t blow stuff in peoples faces unless it’s air kisses, or darts!" "fuffy left me in the car for 4 hours" "There are no mistakey wakeys" "Fuffy I’m like 300% sure you are a pony" "He was pouring out lemonade into the abyss" "**Fuffy was ejected. One Sussy Boy remains**" "The abyss was thirsty" "A funny" "I am not safe for clothes driers" "Can your wall eat a lawn mower" "squirrels do not die at terminal velocity. also theres lizards that fire blood from their eyes as a defense mechanicism" “I bowl like my sexuality: Not straight” "short" "You have 5 minutes to live" "IM A FUCKING CAR KEANE" "\*I mean edgy I mean edgy I mean edgy I mean Edgy" "What is this mario party" "no" "brain issue" "i even crashed your computer" “Seduce the Skeleton!” “Kentucky Fried [REDACTED]” "im scared of my own pasta power sometimes" "He becomes noise pizza tower" "Anything is possible, with the power of Crazy Dave’s Twinkysdinkys" "he eats the golf ball and dies" “Everything is a weapon if you hit someone hard enough” "Happy tale of under unde of tale tdat" "fuffy brain melt. he die" "why are you in my chem textbook" "where is the dinnerbone cat." "Everything is a table." "Was schmoving too hard and bust my ass." "That was just my normal attack. Deploying Unexplainable Gifs" "I am immune to gachas. And they’re immune to me." "Did you know you don’t have organs. The constitution I wrote myself says so." "Go to Burger King" "My attack was so powerful discord crashed" "Fuffy open the door I have 3 sad poems and one sparkler" "If you rearrange final you get fianl" "stop watching cringe and beat the shit out of every boss." “Alright, you’re getting stepped on.” "i am the bio-weapon in youe walls" "*Hello my name is now temporarily humphrey*" "Also I beat up a toaster today," "we got a job to do" Slime

[sketching-shark]

While I'm somewhat knowledgeable about JTTW, I don't dislike Monkie Kid doing it's own thing and telling it's own story. It allows for a lot of creative liberties when the show isn't shackled to the OG classic. However, I would say the change that is starting to become annoying, and that some fans are starting to take notice on, is SWK's portrayal. Again, I dont mind him being this flawed hero character that makes mistakes. But his flaws are starting to become...overwhelming. Like can anyone recall the last time he did something good or right in this series? Everywhere I turn, the show just points out the pain he causes people. The label of "hero" kinda doesn't fit anymore. And I feel like the writers keep digging a deeper hole with him. He's made so many bad decisions that I hesitate to call him a good person anymore. I think this is also because they use villains from the book instead of creating new villains for MK. So everything ends up being Wukong's fault because those OG villains are tied to him. And I question if this will continue to be the case until the show ends. Anyway, I'm just glad other fans are noticing this particular writing decision and criticizing it.

Monkie Kid spoilers & me being perhaps too mean & ungenerous to a cartoon monkey below so you know keep reading at your own risk aegesfaewf:

Well anon given that one of my favorite JTTW retellings is Monkey King: Hero Is Back on one hand I really have no right to criticize massive changes to the og classic in stories heavily based on Xiyouji sdfrae. ON THE OTHER HAND, when a good portion of those changes pretty consistently have the consequence of the great sage himself being characterized more and more as a stupid failure at best and a selfish asshole at worst (especially in the context of this characterization happening in a goofy lego show about going on fun adventures) it's like...what is sparking these writing decisions. Said this before, but yea for the past few seasons Monkie Kid's story lines has been in this loop of "some villain makes an appearance-->SWK ends up making the whole situation 1000 times worse even if inadvertedly-->Qi Xiaotian gets a lot more trauma-->villain gets exploded at the end which apparently means everything's okay now." And the entire time every character from Long Xiaojiao to the Six Eared Macaque to Li Nezha has some extended scene that's all about them stating with great conviction what a horrible person the Monkey King is. And then the show does very little to refute that. Everything he does, even if he's trying his best to do what he thinks is the right thing, just ends with giving the villain d'jour a massive power-up right up until it's time for the big explodey climax. Qi Xiaotian now seems to have gotten nothing out of being tudi to the Monkey King except having his friends put in mortal danger & routinely getting the tar beaten out of him from yaoguai who have a grudge against Sun Wukong & having his abandonment issues made worse. There is at this point literally not a single character whose life was made better from the monkey king being in it and many whose lives were objectively made much worse as a direct result of interacting with Sun Wukong. And so far, as others have pointed out, the ONLY TIME we got a flashback from SWK about what happened from his perspective was about him screwing up with the samadhi fire ritual and being responsible for the 4th ring getting created. So at this point, especially since only the audience has gotten the barest glimpse of the torture headband & some hint of what turned the Great Sage Equal to Heaven into what's essentially a perpetual screw-up...like why do any of the other characters, especially the members of SWK's former sworn brotherhood, give a single fig as to whether he lives or dies? Heck it wouldn't surprise me if at least a few of them celebrated SWK getting trapped in ink hell world because A) he's seen as responsible for trapping them in there for thousands of years in the first place B) they've finally dealt with the immortal evil betrayer who was responsible for ruining their lives and being an uncaring heaven's lapdog, and C) now he can't blunder around screwing everything up so badly that all of reality gets put in danger. So you know, SWK in ink hell world is a good thing either way!

IDK, I'm probably being too mean about this. Given the actions of other characters Sun Wukong can't be blamed for everything. Maybe things will later on be explained for why he acts the way he acts in a satisfying manner. But at this point the lego show really does seem to be going out of its way to paint Sun Wukong as someone everyone very justifiably despises, and personally I think if a writer for Monkie Kid felt compelled to go on twitter to try to make the Monkey King hate die down a bit then Flying Bark really needs to have a sit and a think as to why a not insignificant portion of their audience was primed to believe the absolute worst about Sun Wukong!

[netscapenavigator-official]

What’s gonna happen when Twitter dies? Like, will it just explode and dispose of its users the way a dying lego video game character explodes and throws studs everywhere?

[nellynee]

Trollstopia Blindblogging: episode 8b: Mouth Guitar

(this lovely hiatus was brought to us by a truly charming bout of muscular COVID and a slamming hard 4 season binge of the criminally underrated Lego Nexo Knights but I’m back on my bullshit don’t worry)

Took a small break and came back on a Banger of an episode. Really the Rock and Classical Trolls are a huge hoot together so far and I can’t wait for an encore. Inoffensive. The characters were really fun and some of my faves. not sure ow I feel about Blaze yet, we shall see. Purely instrumental song but it kinda Busted Ass and Rocked Hard. A really good, entertaining, solid 4 our of 5

This is one of those episode that exploded my dash way back when so I’m, hoping that means its a good one but yes it’s at least surface level spoiled in that I know that Minuet and a Rock Troll named Blaze but my knowledge ends there. You have no idea how tempting it is when your sick to just binge what you want but I wanna blind blog this damn it and I shall

I think might actually be the first time ever we’ve seen a Troll practice. ok no that's a lie the very first movie “Move You’re Hair” was a dress rehearsal but that’s not the point. The point is, for a species who’s entire various cultures are centered around singing or dancing there’s shockingly little practice going on. Of which I would  be perfectly willing to listen to some kind of magic or instinctual explanation but we don’t get that either. All to say I spend waaaaaaay to much time making schedules for the average trolls to try and determine how much of their time is taken up with practice, and how necessary it is, You’ll be happy to know that answer basically boils down to “depends on the troll in question”

“Music to my eyes” is so terribly charmingly delightful

 It’s not a proper Trolls freakout if they don’t present a common and very lighthearted turn of phrase as srs business

On the one hand, a Troll choosing to imitate an instrument instead of playing or singing is pretty interesting in terms of my headcanons, placing Troll's genders (in terms of self expression and societal rolls) as a triangular spectrum of instrumental, vocal, and physicals performance (dance). So instantly in that context, my brain is telling me that Blaze either identifies as either a vocal or instrumental Troll, and might have a genetic inclination or natural talent towards the opposite, and this is his happy medium. I find this infinitely interesting. On the other hand, my second hand embarrassment is flaring and I have to go lay face down in a pillow for 20 minutes. 

Why is him never stopping a problem? There should be music going on somewhere at all times in theory. Realistically, this shouldn’t be an issue, you just wander in and out of whatever performances and parties are to be had at the time at whim. But it is a TV show I guess

OMG I keep forgetting that the Candy Stripe Troll has a big ol ice cream top for hair

Did this asshole just interrupt someone else’s performance? Like... I feel so offended for Minuet 

Holy shit CREEK!

holy shit Val knows who Creek is?

It’s fuckin Creeeeeeek

I’m not a particular fan of his but that shocked the ever loving shit out of me

I had to watch it like, twice to make sure I didn’t imagine it but that little thing where he took off his shades and there were shades underneath is like a B tier joke at best but something about the little noise it made when he did it and how massive they are and how quick it was set me off

He- he di- he did it again it’s so fast and- he put them back on and they are all layered up and crooked. I keep having to stop and giggle that’s so ridiculous

You don’t get that boastful and accomplished without some sort of praise fetish that bitch took one look at the disappointed crowd and was like “NVM lets rock to the death then”

I bet the look he just gave her was a ship launcher he either respects her, is amused, DTF, or some combination of the above

“Saturday night, you vs me, moutho-a-moutho” is probably his go to pickup line. Nasty

Prepare to be, ABLAZED

forgive me for the theory crafting live, but given what Val says about it being passion over technique, it being a weird mash of ability expression, how Val also appears to know how in a way that shows they just assume she did... it would be interesting to place mouth guitar or mouth instruments in general as like, Baby’s first Rock Music in the Rock Tribe, a stepping stone to figuring self identity that Rock Troll’s carry through life. Not a whole lot to back it but not anything to say nay either. Gotta think on this more...

What the fuck is happening to Minuet’s mouth? Who is animating this horror?

Ok but this is precious though

I know the lesson of the day is probably “Minuet’s way is wrong for Rock and she needs to learn to let go” And I like the idea of Troll’s exploring parts of themselves not available in their own village (IE Minuet is from the Classical tribe and excels there where technique and precision are particularly deified but she fails and is a poor performer in Tribes that value other aspects. And now she has a chance to explore those aspects and what measures success in them outside of her Tribe) but on the other hand my little precise steps and instruction baby obviously processes and finds success in her learning process and not all kids learn the same. It would be nice if she could be successful with Mouth guitar in her own fashion but I doubt it.

Honestly I wish the show put as much into the value of music to Funk as they do Rock. I bet Minuet would be horrified by Syncopation. 

Put. The Bagpipes. Down. god I love Val

I’m sorry, but this is very distracting. I don’t know what it is but whatever is happening with Minuet’s glitter animation makes it look like she’s profusely sweating milk. Like my brain is hiccupping and it’s dripping down her face. Don’t know what’s up with that but it needs to stop before Minuet becomes a sweaty bitch in my brain.

By Be-Troll-Ven’s Bassoon!

He smashed it like it was a real guitar!

HOW

I’m as appropriately horrified by the prospect as Minuet appears to be

But Vaaaaaaal what if technique is her passion????

Virtue-o-so-talented have I mentioned I love the turn of phrases in this show?

I do wanna appreciate that Minute has not once second guessed the imaginary guitar or rolled her eyes or called it dumb took it 100% seriously

Also appreciating that even Creek can’t stand himself

Aaaaaaaw her guitar is so cute. 

But really This is so cute and creatively done I really love this. The sick guitar riff that sounds like an actual guitar as she mouths it is really fun I really like this.

“I say you already used that pun. You’re getting Blaze-y” Oh fucking SNAP sister!

Ok teh composition of this is really slammin I can dig this.

Cooper

THE FUCKIN GLASSES

INSHREDABLE!

Why do I get the impression he actually crashed a funeral?

Ok this remix of Livin in Harmony is a bop too

[lunarifie]

Rewatching Ninjago

(With no context other than the episode)

Skybound 1-2

Im gonna be completely honest, out of all the seasons, I remember skybound the most

Maybe because it was the first time the series took Jay away from the comedic role and gave him development

I need everyone to stop calling Nya ‘sweetheart’ or im going to explode them with my mind

OH WAIT I FORGOT

THIS IS THE SEASON THEY GET FAMOUS

I was so caught up on pirates, genies, and Jay being an idiot that i forgot that was a huge factor

I remember I really hated dareth this season

Dareth: Your a boy band! A hunk machine! You dont need a girl in the group!

All the ninja: 😐😑😐

They really called him out on his bullshit

Cole wants nothing to do with the love triangle 😭

God I remember hating this famous ninja thing

Theres was so much second hand embarrassment I had to endure, and now I have to do it all over again

So much unneeded drama

Like yeah, i want the ninja to have recognition, but I dont want them to become popstars 💀

just for them to be appreciated for doing their JOBS

Cole got so giddy learning he can disappear :)

Jay and Zane have weekly chess game nights its canon because I said so

I love happy Cole, yes, your a ghost but your living your best life, LIKE YOU SHOULD.

Cole: remember back in the tomb of the first spinjitzu master? When we all saw the reflections of out future selves?

Cole: When I couldnt see anything, it wasnt because I was a goner! It was because I could disappear!!! (Strikes a pose and disappears) :D

Jay: ohhhh then why dont you make like a ghost and VANISH. 🙄

Hhfkdndjfnd

Be nicer to him Jay 😭

Zane: you still havent told him about the reflection of you and nya, have you?

Jay: And ruin our friendship? No thanks.

I can promise you, Cole couldnt give two shits about having a romantic relationship with Nya. Nonetheless FIGHT you over it

Jay: Either way, she made up her mind. Its just, seeing us together, its all I can think about.

Damn.

Honestly, Nyas anger directed towards Jay is completely valid. If I was perceived by the media as merely an object or prize to be won I’d be fuming.

Its so funny that Kai is all about this ‘fame’ thing. Being the poster board face for lego ninjago at the beginning and having the most merchandise

CLOUSE!

I love reoccurring characters even if Clouse is a little bitch

Misako: They’re growing up…

Wu: Yes, but I like to think ninjago would fall apart without us.

Valid.

its nice to feel wanted

Nya: Are you sending out a CHIRP?!?!?

Kai: UH, my followers have wants too!!!!

KAI GODDAMMIT.

Purple ninja my beloved

I love little kids helping the ninja its my favorite thing

Nya: how long did it take you to make that gi?

Purple ninja: when youve broken both your legs, you have a lot of time on your hands 😊 (slams into an exit door)

Wait wait wait wait

THIS is the rooftop. THE ROOFTOP WHERE JAYA HAPPENS!!!!

Jay: We’re a team! We stick together!

Nya: thanks. But i can stick up for myself.

Cole: He was just trying to be nice 😒

Jay: Dont worry! Its just our ‘first fight’ :)

JAY. CMON DUDE.

Nyas allowed to be stingy but dont take it out on Jay 😭

Coles literally telling Nya to take Jays hand hes had enough of this bullshit 💀

Doesn’t clouse get screwed over by this genie?

Ah, excuse me. Djinn.

I forgot how Cole turns human again but if its anything like Clouses traumatically painful cries of agony then maybe he should stay a ghost…

Kais figurines are actually really cute.

Zane and Lloyd: No traces of clouse…

Yeah bc hes fucking dead

Its common knowledge now that ninjago is one of the 16 realms??? Like citizens know??? That would drive me absolutely insane.

Nadakhan: Delara died?!?

Cyrus borg as the infobot: died, expired, rot, tint, kicked the bucket-

Hfjsbfjsntbr

Cyrus borg: I cant tell you where the realm crystal is! But i can tell you who has it! And where THEY are!

Me: 😐😑😐

Man in stiix: No one here cares for them fruit-colored ninja.

Cole: Um! 🤨 excuse me 😠 what fruit is black 🙄

Jay: blackberries?

Cole:

Cole: shut it jay.

SO THIS IS WHEN THEYRE ALL SEEN AS CRIMINALS

But wtf does nadakhan have to do with this? Can he do illusions or some shit?

NOOOO NOT JAYS PARENTS STOP

I feel like my soul was ripped out at how sad they looked

Nya comforting Jay after he sees his disappointed parents 🥹

Chief: the ninja are at large, they are armed and dangerous. And—and. (Squinting at his script) they have, legs?

Chief: Call law enforcement so we can apprehend them.

Zane, dialing law enforcement: Hello? Law enforcement?

Lloyd: Zanewhatareyoudoing-

Zane: I am programmed to obey the law 🤨 I need to tell them our location.

Stiix citizens: arent you all those ninjas?

Jay: HAHA! Nope! We’re that other group that has a nindroid, a ghost, and a girl…

hfjsjfndjsdhdisnr

Kai: six against six, at least its an even number.

Lloyd: were not gonna fight citizens KAI.

Kai: … dammit…

Jay: how are we supposed to fight back??!?!? Witty banter!?!?!?!

Zane: Statistically your witty banter usually gets us into more trouble 😄

Love how Coles hoodie makes him look more ghostly

Awwwwww nya allowed jay to help her

Theyre growing :)

People of stiix calling them the fruit-colored ninja is the greatest thing

If Lego had the balls they’d call them the fruity ninja

THE CHIEF GOT MISAKO?!?!?

RONIN.

THE NINJA TRUSTED YOU YOU ASSHOLE

This is actually so interesting, i remember the ninja being framed for crimes but I forgot it was this season. And right after they were famous and beloved nonetheless.

Wait is Wu inside Djinns bottle??? Like Clouse???

Misakos so smart she already knows who nadakhan is 😌

Okay but WHY dont they believe misako and the ninja

Like is it THAT hard to believe that a past enemy the ninja defeated can create illusions, and might want revenge????

Do the police legitimately believe, the ninja, known for being stealthy and cunning, are just gonna GIVE their status on social media?????

I guess a clues a clue right

Man they dont give Nya ANY credit. That was obviously her bracelet on the rat too. It was HER plan. Not Kais 😒

Jay. Ik your not this stupid. Nya just said a djinn is bad news. Trust your future girlfriend on this one buddy.

Jay: I know from my reflection that we end up together! Maybe a wish is how!

I mean… hes not wrong.

Lloyd: then we’ll find Djinn in pairs so he cant pick us off.

Jay: (immediately goes to Nyas side with a huge smile)

Cole (popping out of nowhere): Yeah yeah! And Jay and I can look for clues at the scene of the crime where he framed us!

Cole: What do you say buddy, just like old times?

Jay: haha sweeeeeet. Who doesnt like old times 🙃

Kai and Nya: sibling team

Jay and Cole: Bruise team

Lloyd and Zane: actually-get-shit-done team

RONIN YOU ASS

I refuse to believe ronins smart enough to hack into Zanes system.

This must be so scary for Lloyd to just watch his friend go braindead

Dont-mention-Nya-every-time-your-on-screen challenge. Try it out Ronin.

He sucks so much.

Hes a cool villain though.

Ronins really catching them all like pokemon huh

Jay: its the amusement park! So many fond memories. Thats where I unlocked my true potential! Oh oh! And theres where Nya and I had out first date. I bet we’ll laugh about this in the future :)

Cole: ?

Jay: I meaaaaaan, why would she laugh about that! She hates me. 😀

Your giving yourself away Jay

Cole: The djinn can shape-shift! He could be anybody!

Jay: 😨

Jay:

Jay: (sticks his hand through ghost Cole)

Cole:…

Cole: seriously?

Jay: just needed to make sure 😊

RONIN.

Cole after hearing his friends are all captured:

Jay, at ronin: HA! You think u can electrically tie the master of lightning!

Ronin, pointing a cannon gun: Yeah but are you the master of kabloowey 🤨

Cole: You cant see me!!! Im a ghost! Am i here? Or over here!?!? HAHAHA

Ronin: I have thermal vision Cole. 😐

Cole: you do…? (Gets captured)

Ronin really DID catch them all…

The chief: Ninjago is safe once again!

I hope the chief gets fired.

[strangestcase]

batman is such a funny franchise like:

-the main character has only three personality traits: goth furry, adopting yet another child, and mental eelness.

-the main villain is a monster clown. except when he’s not. he’s gay and gnc as fuck. except when he’s not. his girlfriend is also a clown but he sucked so much she left him for a plant woman. love wins.

-the main character only not kills the clown because he has a moral code. SIKE its because if the clown dies his heart explodes and turns whoever killed him into the next clown. DOUBLE SIKE it’s because they’re in love. except when they’re not. Then its the heart explosion thing.

-the guy from saw is there and everyone bullies him for being a fucking nerd who won’t stop telling dad jokes. he fucks ANOTHER goth furry except he doesnt. yes he does no he does not 💚 y yo a ti oswald

-the main character is dating also another separate furry AND a hot lawyer who is like three guys in a flesh trench coat but the lawyer also is fucking the guy from saw and you know what they all fuck each other, why tf not.

-in-universe kin drama

-there’s no canon the fandom has taken over it and we collectively have decided to ignore the parts we dont like.

-literally no reboots just writers, this shit is public domain at this point like the new writer decides everyone is a vampire now? okay live with it! the new writer hates your favorite character and writes a 20 page comic of bullshit about how much they suck? cope! some guy writes dark fanfic and DC decides that it’s canon now actually? cant help being a Gemini!

-everyone gets sent to the indie horror ableist mental hospital.

-there’s also a skinny dude who is basically if Hannibal lecter became a Scooby doo villain. he’s the most sexless being I’ve ever seen. of course everyone wants to kiss him on the mouth. Joel Schumacher wanted him to be Coolio and ride a motorbike.

-the best canon content you’ll ever see is made out of fucking legos.

-in some adaptations they’re all buddies and they play baseball and have picnics and all live in the same house and finally get a fucking break.

-the fucking COW.

[random-crappypasta-qoutes]

This will probably be my longest post ever lol. Well, get ready for this behemoth of a story called Happy Tree Friends: The Funeral.

nscript

(the movie begins in the hospital showing Lumpy as a doctor, he comes across Buzz Lightyear, who has broken his arm off)

Lumpy: Hello, do you need fixing up?

Buzz Lightyear: Don't talk to me!

(Lumpy comes over to a bruised and bloodied Cuddles' hospital bed)

Lumpy: So, you were beaten up by Scoutmaster Lumpus?

Cuddles: (coughing up blood) Y-yes....

Lumpy: Hmmmmmmmm…..don't worry, I can make you better! (rubs two defibrillator paddles together) CLEAR! (electrocutes Cuddles, which burns him until his heart explodes)

(everyone shrieks)

Lumpy: Whoops, sorry....

Toothy: He's not the only one you know, Russell died of lung cancer, Flaky had of a heart attack from entering a chick farm, Cub was shot by a black guy because Pop wasn't there to protect him, Mime was shot by Cleveland Brown, and Splendid puked his organs out after swallowing the Kryptonut.

Nutty: Oh, why would we lose them too?!

Petunia: This is just terrible!

(later, at the funeral)

(The Intermezzo of Cavalleria Rusticana starts playing as the remaining Happy Tree Friends mourn for Cuddles, Russell, Flaky, Cub, Mime, and Splendid)

Reverend Lovejoy: Here lies Cuddles the bunny, Russell the pirate otter, Flaky the porcupine, Cub the baby bear, Mime the mime deer, and Splendid the super squirrel. We shall never forget the times we had with them.

PhantomStrider: (blows a horn) YAY!!!! 6 OF THE HAPPY TREE FRIENDS ARE DEAD!!!!

Happy Tree Friends Hater #1: LET'S CELEBRATE!!!!

PhantomStrider: (starts playing the Chicken Song by J.Geco)

Flippy: You evil disrespectors! I swear I'll cut you in your sleep!

Reverend Lovejoy: Question, how did Cuddles die?

Sniffles: Lumpy shocked him to death after he got beaten by Scoutmaster Lumpus.

Reverend Lovejoy: Oh, okay.

Diesel: Alright people, LET'S TEAR THIS PLACE DOWN!!!

PhantomStrider: I’m full of surprises, they ought to say of me, I bring some razzle dazzle to the yard, I’m full of surprises, as you can plainly, I don’t find being surprising all that hard. Some would probably say, I’m only up to my old tricks, but I’d say I’m a problem solver, looking for a nice quick fix. I’m full of surprises, they ought to say of me, I bring some razzle dazzle to the rail, I’m full of surprises, as you can plainly see, I’m trusting my surprises to prevail, I hope this time being surprising doesn’t fail! They used to call me devious, because I had a pit of previous, but please you must believious, I’m not that bad… Well maybe just a tad.

Crowd of Characters: (applause)

Russell Ferguson: That's what that pirate otter gets for stealing my name!

PhantomStrider: Come here, Happy Tree Friends haters!

Happy Tree Friends Haters: Coming!

PhantomStrider: Are you a real villain?

Hater #1: Well, uhhh….technically not

PhantomStrider: Have you ever caught a good guy like a real superhero?

Hater #1: Nah!

(Hater #2 shakes his head)

PhantomStrider: Have you ever tried a disguise?

Hater #1: Nah, nah....

PhantomStrider: Alright! I can see that I will have to teach you how to be villains!

Happy Tree Friends Haters: Hey! We are number one! Hey! We are number one!

PhantomStrider: Now listen closely. Here’s a little lesson in trickery. This is going down in history, If you wanna be a villain number one, You’ll have to chase a superhero on the run. Just follow my moves and sneak around be careful not to make a sound. (Happy Tree Friends Hater #1 steps on a branch) No! Don’t touch that! Ha, ha, ha! Now look at this net I just found. When I say “Go!”, be ready to throw! Go! Throw it at him, not me! Ugh! Let’s try something else. Now watch and learn, here’s the deal, you’ll slip and slide on these banana peel, (Happy Tree Friends haters slip on the Banana peels) What are you doing?! We are number one Hey! Hey! 

Crowd of Characters: (applause)

Handy: Hmph!

Lumpy: I kinda like it!

PhantomStrider: And for you guys, I have something to say to you.

Giggles: Oh, great.....

PhantomStrider: A man has fallen into the river in LEGO City! Start the new rescue helicopter.

Crowd of Characters: HEY!!

PhantomStrider: Build the helicopter, and off to the rescue. Prepare the lifeline, lower the stretcher, and make the rescue. The new emergency collection from LEGO City!

Pop: My son is dead and you're telling us songs and quotes that make no sense?!

Flippy: (flips out) THAT IS IT!!!! WE WILL KILL YOU!!!!

(Silence breaks for 10 seconds)

PhantomStrider, the Happy Tree Friends Haters, and Crowd of Characters: (booing and throwing things at them)

Duck: Dingus!

Oliver: You shut up!

Smudger: Preachy!

Lammy: We’re not being preachy.

Yong Bao: (throws a jar of macaroni and cheese at Disco Bear)

Happy Tree Friends Hater #1: I thought they touched on a vital issue.

PhantomStrider: I beg to differ, hi-yah! (throws a rock)

Flippy: Okay! Okay! Uncle! We give up! Can we please call this a truce?

(Meanwhile…)

Frankie: (recording) Theo, this is not safe at all.

Theo: Shut up, Frankie! Just keep filming, Okay. I’m Theo, and I am The Greatest American Hero, my special power is being somehow memorable after a very short run on TV.

(Merlin, Hurricane and Lexi set off)

Theo: (singing) Believe it or not, I’m walking on air, I never thought I would be so free…

(Hurricane, Lexi and Merlin let go of Theo)

Theo: (still singing) Flyin’ away on a wing and a pray’r, who could it be? (could it be) believe it or not, it’s just… (crashes into a tree and falls into the lake at PhantomStrider’s concert, everyone stops booing and starts laughing at Theo)

Reverend Lovejoy: In many ways Cuddles, Russell, Flaky, Cub, Mime, and Splendid were supporting characters in our lives, they didn't grab out our attention with memorable catchphrases or comical accents.

Nutty: Awwwwwwwwwwww..........

PhantomStrider and Haters: (Singing) These guys are not use at all; Thinks they’re very clever. Says that they can manage us; that’s the best joke ever! When they order us about, with the greatest folly, we just kill them! Pop Goes Old Dummies! (PhantomStrider and the haters laugh and then run up to the Happy Tree Friends with spears, torches, pitchforks, katanas, battering rams, axes, pistols, chainsaws, whips, bazookas, tasers, pepper spray, medieval flails, maces, shis, staffs, nunchucks, rolling pins, shurikens, broken glass bottles, and plasma cannons making battle cries and kill them)

(later, they all respawn back in a different timeline)

Cuddles: Well, of course we'd all be back. It's Happy Tree Friends, for goodness sake! Next time I'll stay away from Scoutmaster Lumpus. Hmmm....that's funny, I feel hungry for some cat all of a sudden. (sees a cat on the floor, pupils dialate) Come here, after-death snack! (iris closes up on the cat as Cuddles eats it offscreen)

(after-credits scene, July 19, 2069…)

Hater #1: Uuuuuuuuuuh, PhantomStrider? I don't think we should be here again.

PhantomStrider: Come on, the Happy Tree Friends are all dead now.

Hater #2: But you know they can respawn, right?

PhantomStrider: I know, but they'll respawn in a different timeline, so there's nothing here to be afraid of.

(a hand grabs PhantomStrider and throws him off a bridge)

PhantomStrider: (screams)

(the Happy Tree Friends haters watch PhantomStrider fall to his death, now more scared than before, they turn around and see Jack Skellington heading towards them)

Jack Skellington: GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!

(cuts to static)

(after-credits scene second part, Cuddles is fast asleep with Giggles in their bed together, when their room is intruded by PhantomStrider's ghost, just as PhantomStrider raises his arm to attack them, Cuddles wakes up and finds that the room is empty. Assuming PhantomStrider's ghost to be a dream, Cuddles goes back to sleep, oblivious to the presence of PhantomStrider's shirt on the floor)

This is... *inhales* *exhales*

What does PhantomStrider has to do with Happy Tree Friends!?!

You do know the characters don't talk right?

WTF!?!

How is this supposed to be scary?

[trashynyland]

Alright, someone asked about this and I'm here to give.

There's not much to the HermitFamilyAU. I'll try and go in order in a way from oldest to recent characters that have been created so far.

Grian, mute avian hybrid. 23 but acts like an excited 10 year old. He communicates in bird, sign language, writing and charades. Only Mumbo, Iskall and Xisuma can understand Grian's bird talk (he'll chirp, squeak screech and squawk). He's a bundle of joy, really energetic, he loves to cuddle and he's usually always happy. He'll tend to stick by Mumbo's side a lot. He has the habit of sitting on people's shoulders, it helps him with his height dysphoria, makes him feel taller which makes him happy. He loves to build with his legos since he isn't allowed out of the house unless he's with Xisuma. He was abused by his parents who cut out his vocal cords with a knife at age 9. He's lived in the hermit household for 5 years. He has a feather shedding habit which Doc despises (that's what earned Grian the name "Feathers"). Grian and Doc have a love hate relationship but mostly, Grian loves being a little shit to Doc and annoy him. Grian can easily get sent into a panic attack if someone touches his neck without permission. He has trust issues and won't let anyone he doesn't know near him.

Mumbo, human but has the power to generate Redstone dust from his hair (like King Sparklez but he can generate the dust with his hands). He's 24 and a nervous wreck. Mumbo always needs an explanation to things he doesn't understand, if he doesn't get it then he'll try and figure it out himself. He's very shy around others he doesn't know and has a horrible stuttering habit when he has to talk to people he doesn't know. He loves hanging out with Grian (his comfort buddy boyfriend) and loves to help the little avian. His legs got shattered and ripped from a piston malfunction that he was trying to fix, they had to amputate his legs from the knee down. He's got Redstone prosthetics that are powered with Redstone (made by King Diamond). He has no recollection of his past, all he knows was that he showed up on the Redstone King's doorstep at age 7 and was adopted by the king. Mumbo's father is King Redstone (or CaptainSparklez) but Mumbo lives with Xisuma since Mumbo himself isn't found of the Royal lifestyle. But he works for his father and helps around the castle from time to time. Started living with Xisuma at age 19.

Iskall, slime hybrid. He's 27 and a comedian. He acts like a crazy uncle, loves to make inappropriate jokes but also acts like the 2nd father of the house. He loves to jokes around and pull pranks. He's very kind until you hurt his family in any way. Again, acts like the second dad of the house because things can get too crazy sometimes. When he was 16, he was shit in the eye by a blast spell which caused his eye to never grow back. Instead of getting an eye patch or a regular eye prosthetic he asked Mumbo and Doc to make him some kinda cool looking eye instead. He was abandoned by his mother at age 13, was taken in by Xisuma at age 15. He has abandonment issues.

Xisuma, Archangel hybrid (four wings, halo and 6 eyes. 4 of the eyes and the halo only appear when X uses his powers. Two of the wings get hidden beneath the top two wings.). He's over 1000 years old (but 38 in human age). He absolutely loves adopting and it's his horrible bad habit. He's been banned a few times from adoption centers because the guy can't control himself. Because of this, he's been named the "Caretaker" and "Dimensional Adopter". He's a Warrior (meaning he goes out to different dimensions to help out others in corrupted dimensions) but he's also a coder and hacker. He loves his family and would do anything to protect them. He was banished to the world Palace Concy at age 17(human age) and has lived there happily ever since. In his old world, he use to live in the heavens which had thin air. Since the air is much thicker on the ground and too much for him he wears a ventilator to help him breath better. He also can't die, he can respawn which he finds unsettling. When he dies he respawns in his bed. He's a bottom, he's gotta admit that and his husband is Doc (someone he first saved when he became a Warrior). Most of his scars on his body (including his "X" scar on his face) we're given to him by Doc himself on accident. He's a dad of the hermit household.

Doc, creeper human cyborg. He's 40 years old and a cranky guy. He tends to put up a touch guy act but in reality he's just a soft teddy bear. He'll only show his true softness when alone with Xisuma or playing with the kids. He's caring but will act like he doesn't give a shit. Parents call him Soccer Mom because of how prepared he is and how much he helps his kids but also because he tends to pick fights with the entitled parents who thinks their kid(s) are better than everyone, "News flash Christian! They aren't special!". His prosthetic arm, half head and neck, part of his chest and half is heart were all designed by King Diamond and Doctor Joe Atlantic(they also got some help from Prince Stampy). In Doc's old dimension he use to be a creeper that couldn't explode (which hunters found amusing so they'd pick on Doc and give him scars, basically abuse him). One day he fell in love with his world's Cub who later ended up turning him him an and forcing him to become his science experiment. Once he was deemed useless, Cub put him up for auction which Xisuma ended up buying him and taking him home. Doc has major trust issues with everyone and still doesn't trust Xisuma's 3rd new adoption, Cub Issatic who's always on edge and thinks someone is after his blood (character Cub is still a wip so this may change later on). Doc is surprisingly actually a cuddly type of hybrid. He loves to cuddle alone with X when they get the chance. Doc's husband is Xisuma. Doc is the mom of the hermit household.

Tango, very energetic guy, he's a Telikiantors (a mythical creature created by me the artist, there's a post I made about them but to be short, they're forest creatures that are like SirenHeads but don't eat humans unless provoked by them). Tango is a hybrid version of a Teli. He's 6 years old and still waiting for his future surgery to get on his mouth tail so he can start eating from it again (in his old home it was damaged). He loves to pull all sorts of pranks and is the house's little chaotic demon. Even with no arms, he can't be stopped. He use to be owned by an old woodworker who used Tango as his personal slave. Since Tango was young at the time and didn't know any better and was a child he'd always fool around and didn't listen. This angered his old owner who cut off Tango's arms off and cut his tail mouth so he couldn't eat. Xisuma stumbled upon him one night when the Archangel got lost on a hike in the woods. X saved him and adopted him at age 3. Even though Tango went through that torture he's still bubbly and doesn't have much trama. He's more unsure about things and will asked about them.

Impulse, he's a God actually who was the son of a lightning goddess and ocean god. He's currently 5 years old. When he was born his eyes were completely gold and blue but after his mother and father forced him to use his magic he went blind. Since he was only 3 at the time his eyes were still sensitive and not use to powerful magic or anything bright. His mother was frustrated with him that he couldn't summon up lighting or water so she summoned up some lightning and struck it right in front of Impulse which caused him to go blind and his eyes to lighten up a bit. When the parents left to argue after the situation, that's when Xisuma jumped into the dimension to save Impulse and take him away. Originally his eyesight was supposed to be fixed and he was supposed to be sent back to his home world but he refused the care and refused to leave X's side. He's very scared of powers and when people raise their voices. He's shy and fragile and can easily get overwhelmed by things. He has some sensitivity issues, where when he's so overwhelmed by something he can easily fall into a panic attack. Doc, as a Christmas gift, gave him two shovels that have turned into his comfort item. They help conceal his magic so it doesn't get too out of hand when he gets overwhelmed, upset or angry. He usually sticks by his brothers Tango and Zedaph's sides but when he's not with them then he'll be hanging around his dad, mom or one of his siblings while on a child leash (he doesn't mind the leash and actually loves it since it gives him comfort. He's still not use to being blind and all).

Zedaph, he's a witch, that what everyone knows so far. He's 5 years old and has a teddy bear attitude, his personality is very fluffy and caring. He loves the world and the world loves him. In his old dimension, he was a rich witch's slave and was forced to do dirty work. His owner once had enough of him one day when he accidentally dropped her food and his owner blasted his arm off. Because of the traumatic experience, Zed prefers to keep his eyes shut in fear of having to go through something terrible and scary again. His old owner sold him off to Xisuma who took him in and adopted him. Zedaph's powers are unknown because they haven't yet activated. He's been labelled as a witch for now because of the place he came from and his low power levels. His favorite person in the world his his Uncle Stizoom because of his fluffy hair and tail. He loves to curl up in anything soft and fluffy because of how comfortable and safe it makes him feel. It's the reason why he owns a large Wooloo plushy.

Cleo, a very rare zombie eel siren. She's 31 years old and doesn't like speaking. She likes to stay mute unless talking to Xisuma or False. Nothing seemed to be wrong with her old dimension same with her except that she was always bored. Pirates and fishermen always tried to catch her and at first Cleo loved to prank them but as she got more and more bored she started letting them capture her and sell her at black markets, auctions, sold to royals. She always knew how to escape and she found it fun at first but soon grew bored of it all again. It was always the same routine. Xisuma found her while he was wondering her dimension in a black market. He asked her if she wanted to join him but of course she said nothing. Xisuma ended up buying her and bring her home with him. Cleo has never tried to leave or escape since (except to False's bedroom to sleep with her).

Ren, dog hybrid who has DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). Since he has many different identities all have different personalities (check out his character sheet for more details on all the identities). But mostly Ren is in charge and upfront to control the body, he is the main host after all. Ren is the definition of the one crazy uncle. He's comedic, crazy and loves to put a smile on others faces, he's also very playful. He can get flustered easily if someone dominates him (either in bed or at his own games like flirting). Ren and the body are about 21. In his old world he was abused a lot, mostly chained to a wall in a basement his entire life. He was abused a lot by his owner alpha and many other bad things. It's where a lot of his trama comes from. He one day ended up escaping but fell through a dimensional portal and ended up in Palace Concy. He was found in the woods passed out by Slime n Bone podcast who were taking a vacation with the Woodworks family in the Kosikians Sky (mt. DeathLoxes) mountains. He's was taken to Xisuma after the podcast group couldn't figure out how to help him since Ren wouldn't say anything and just shake in fear in the corner. He was taken in by X which Ren is very greatful for. Ren is scared of everyone since he's an omega and comes from an omegaverse, he thinks an alpha will come and hurt him again. Ren has a huge crush on Iskall and even though he knows the man likes him back he's too scared to ask him out. Ren loves to hang out with Grian, Doc and sometimes Iskall when he isn't blushing nervous. Very cool dude.

Bdubs, human but is immune to explosives but can still get stabbed. He's 19 actually and has a big habit of getting into trouble with Impulse and Tango. He works at an explosives store in town, helps out the construction crews when they need a certain area exploded and loves to volunteer at the firework stands that pop up during July 1st "Redstone Founders Day" (Bdubs favorite holiday). He's enthusiastic and doesn't mind teaching kids about explosives and safety in his spare time. He loves causing trouble when he can but he also loves helping out others with decorating. He's got a side job he's made "Bdubs Interior Design" and usually many people hire him for help. He use to live in a HermitCraft world when he decided to leave one year and stubbled upon an Earth dimension which he was then used as a bomber during the everlasting wars that were going on. He was one day capture and take to Palace Concy by Lunch Army and was then later adopted by X. During his time on the Earth War he gained black smudge on his face that X has found won't come off so it's become part of Bdubs skin basically. Some have called him blackface and think that he's being racist but he's not. He's just got some black smudge on his face that is unremovable. He's bubble and loves to make others smile when having a bad day. He doesn't really have any trama except for being weary of portals. He's got a crush on Keralis but won't admit it.

Keralis, human. He's 18 (looks 16) and a punk. He's mean and bitchy to everyone and doesn't let a single soul through his walls (he doesn't let others see his emotions and what he's really feeling). He love to break the law and pick fights. He works with "Brtakis Construction Company" which causes him to travel from home a lot. He's very strong and can pack a punch. He's a warrior so that's why he's got his own special weapon, he's not allowed on any dimensional missions but he's allowed to kill Alumas (soul takers) when they show up. In his old dimension he was a homeless immigrant who lived on the streets of New York (where he earned his punk attitude). He was saved by Xisuma one night when he was about to get killed by a gang group, almost got shot in the head. X had offered him a home but Keralis denied his offer. It took 5 years of constant saves and denied offers until one year he almost committed suicide he finally opened up to X and accepted his offer with a wailing sob. He still keeps his punk attitude because he grew up with it but also because he finds it cool. He also kept it because of Doc, Keralis wants to be just like the guy. All smug and strong. Doc is the person he looks up to, his idol in a way. His trama? He gets scared and panicked when left alone and he can't go near any big cities that are similar to New York.

Wels, avian hybrid mixed with an angel hybrid. He owns a halo that's cracked and shattered but only appears when he's angry. He's got beautiful golden wings that goes along with his ruby red hair. He's 15 but a secret Drag Queen at night. He loves to entertain people and put on a show, show off what he can do. He loves the stage and to him it's his home and life. (Idk how to explain it but he's just like the YouTube Wels but gay). He owns two Drag Personas, Cherry Rider who's his usual sona he dresses as who can be a wild ride. Cherry is an encouraging fool that will try and help anyone build up their confidence to do anything that their heart desires to do. His other persona is HelsKnight, Hels is a naughty bad fool who, for Wels is his way of getting his anger out in style and in a safe way. He'll preform and have a happy attitude when Cherry but have a dark and naughty~ attitude when being Hels. Because of X's worry, Wels has paired up with Doc on the weekends to do drag but pairs up with Skeppy during the weekdays for drag. Since he's young he still needs parental vision. Not much about his past except for being an orphan all his life and getting bullied at school and at his orphanage for being gay and loving to cross dress. When Xisuma adopted him, Wels hid his love for drag which ended up causing problems because when Cherry Rider first appeared on TV Xisuma fell in love for her and was horrified when he found out the drag person character was his son. After a bit of awkward talking and drag performances from Doc for X, Xisuma got over his silly love crush for Cherry and told Wels that he accepts who he is and will always love him as family. Xisuma told him that it would just be a bit awkward for awhile because X still had to get over the fact that his favorite drag queen he had a crush on was actually his adopted son. Doc helped both X and Wels after the reveal. Wels grew more confident and stopped hiding his drag cross dressing side (while his father Xisuma got over his crush and dropped it entirely but he ended up crushing on Wels' drag performance partner Skeppy). Wels still has a small fear of being himself in front of others but has overcome most of that fear because he knows his family has got his back (especially his over protective Dadsuma who would kill anyone who hurts his family and his Docmom who will murder any parents that talk his son down, "I'm lookin at you Rebecca! Your daughter is a lesbian and will never be straight you blind fu-"). Wels has a small crush on Biffa (an orphan friend of his that lives on the other side of the world (Biffa is still being developed) who Xisuma is thinking about adopting.

Jevin, rare blue slime hybrid. He's 1 year old and there's not much to him. He's a happy a baby who has a weird love obsession life with the Jello food. Iskall loves to take that and tease his baby brother with it (like stabbing his lil brother's jello in front of him and watching him cry about it, Iskall just finds Jevins whole Jello obsession hilarious). Xisuma actually found Jevin in a basket by his tracker right before he was about to work on his farm fields. Jevin will usually be hanging out with Iskall since he's also a slime and the hybrid connection helps them work better with each other. But also since Xisuma and Doc have no idea how to take care of a slime hybrid since they're hard to come by in Concy and there's not many books about them, so the two husbands let nature take it's course with Iskall since it looks like he knows what he's doing.

NPC Grian or Rustie, he's a demon but apparently can change into a robot? He's an interesting type. He's 25 and a cheerful man. He works in architecture, both with planning out the building and how it will look along with the construction. He also works at a bookstore named "BookRook". He's sweet and kind but will snap your neck in you make him angry, a smile with a dark atmosphere like aph Russia. He loves his kids but if he finds Grain making anY MORE ROBOTS THEN HE'S GOING TO-. He love to volunteer for events and he loves his husband Zoom. He was found by Zoom in his old dimension where Rustie was still locked and hibernating in his closet. He would have taken his robot brother with him but Robot Grian was in horrible condition and... dead so there was no use of him. Rustie owns a nice little rustic cabin in the woods beside a like with a great view. He and Zoom built the house and nother are proud of their work and family.

Evil Xisuma or Stizoom(Zoom), a Strider hybrid but fluffier. He's 27 and has a very gentle heart. He loves nature with a passion and Rustie tends to find him curdle up in his flower beds quite often. He likes to bird watch and plant flowers. He's a five star chief for "Blossburgi Restaurant" and a karate teacher for "Hightri's Karate". He hates the cold and loves to cuddle up with Rustie during the cold seasons and Rustie finds it adorable. Luckily, the two own a nearby hot springs so when things get to cold, Zoom will go hang out in the hot springs for awhile. He loves animals, all kinds. In his old dimension he was always forced to be near creatures and he always hated the small to so little space he always got. Xisuma found him and took him in for all awhile until Zoom found and fell in love with Rustie. His husband is Rustie and they both love each other very much. Very cute :3.

HermitPets, they're more used and made for a different AU of mine but in HermitFamily they're more background characters for sorts. Not much.

HermitFamily house, huge house I mean huge. It's a mansion that's up in the Stonety Mts. It sits in a large valley surrounded by mountains. The valley is actually a farm the the hermit house owns. They grow crops and sell it the small nearby town they live by named "Vellenture". Their house, in the back has a large poor (more of a lake and it's for Cleo) but it attaches to a nearby forest. The house itself, on the outside is a creamy white and on the inside, many colors. (I'll have to draw it out for a better explanation but basically the house looks like Grian's mansion but a creamy white and rustic grey.

[wayward-wren]

Alright! I descovered that my flat has ice-cream in the freezer so time for a bowl of ice-cream and Empire Strikes Back. It's been roughly... five? maybe even eight years since I've last seen this it's gonna be great!

Once again. The opening. So many memories associated with these movies and the opening crawl brings me right back.

Ngl, tauntauns are one of my favourite creatures. We had the Hoth base in lego so maybe having a lego version of one added to that

Oh rip tauntaun

Leia's Hoth outfit is great

Tbh all of her outfits are great.

Han slapping a hand over 3PO's mouth amuses me greatly

Man I forgot how much of this movie I've forgotten.

And I think Wampa's arm is the third arm removal of the trilogy so far?

Lol rip Mark Hamill wandering around in a blizzard while the crew film him from inside the hotel.

Tauntaun noises are great

Oh noooo Chewie when the door closes with Han and Luke still out there no bby he's so saaaad

Rip second Tauntaun

I still can't get over the fact that Han full on put Luke into a dead Tauntaun. I don't think I'll ever be over it

Oop there's the kiss. Luke looks so smug afterwards wow.

I want a hug from Chewie he looks like he gives good hugs.

Hm random headcanon/story idea that the Hoth base was found/started by the Bad Batch and maybe Echo died whilst securing it or something idk and that's why it's called Echo Base.

I love how the AT-ATs just explode once they get knocked over, like they hadn't been too armoured to be damaged before

I forgot how much I love Han. Honestly all three of the main OT trio are so good.

Yoda!!! Honestly feral swamp gremlin Yoda is my favourite

Hmm I feel like Han is almost a little too aggressive in his flirting with Leia. And I know it's been talked about before, but Leia had barely shown any romantic interest in him before & he keeps pushing and then kisses her and it just doesn't sit entirely right. I do still love them, but mmm

Oh hey its ol' Shady Sheev.

Aw poor R2 left out in the rain

Rockin', rockin' and rollin', down to the beach Yoda was strollin'

Han just shoots the ground to test his hypothesis about the big space worm what an idiot I love him

Run, run run run, I can be a backpack while you run.

Honestly I feel like the weird slow-mo of the degobah cave scene always weirded me out more than the actual content of it, I've always been bad at recognising faces so it took me a while to realise it was supposed to be Luke's face in the helmet.

Oh yeah the bounty hunters!! Boba my boy!!

I love all the snakes and reptiles just chilling in the background on the degobah set.

Honestly shout out to that dude who took the blame for losing the Falcon knowing what would happen he's a real team player.

Man I completely forgot Slave I was in the released garbage and it made me excited to see it.

Lando!

Rip 3PO just getting exploded tho

"Luke I don't want to lose you to the Emperor like I lost Vader" oof my heart

"There is another" honest I wanna see more force sensitive Leia. AU where Luke turns to the darkside and Leia has to become a Jedi to fight him

Cloud city is really cool tho

Why is Chewie frantically rescuing 3PO's parts making me so sad?

Han i n s t a n t l y firing at Vader is iconic

Chewie keeps making me saaaaad

I'm honestly so glad Lucas was talked out of killing Han, the carbonite scene was painful enough even knowing what happens

Leia said "it's a trap" before it was cool

Boba's voice was bugging me because it was too close to Temuera Morrison so I googled it and turns out yeah, they replaced his voice in 2004, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. Makes sense in universe but I kinda wanna see it like it was when the movie was first released. Anyway shout out to Jason Wingreen, the OG Boba voice

Ice cream maker guy! What a legend.

I have seen the big reveal so many times its legitimately lost all meaning to me ngl

Vader: join me. Luke: *yeets into the void*. Vader: oh huh guess that works too? Bye?

Everyone standing on the bridge being very still as Vader walks out when they lose the Falcon amuses me

It has been far too long since I watched that movie last! Twas really good to revisit!

Deleted scenes time!

Is Boba's name only mentioned in this one deleted scene? I feel like it is, at least in this movie

I'm giggling at the description of this one: Luke and Leia share a rare, quasi-romantic moment together in Hoth - well before their kinship is established in Return of the Jedi. Luckily, R2-D2 makes a well-timed interruption.

R2 be like "Oh man no I gotta stop this they're siblings!" cos he knows. (I'm pretty sure he knows at least? Honestly at this point I just assume R2 knows as much as I do)

I like this scene apart from the random Luke/Leia almost kiss, Leia being all riled up and feeling like she can't count on anyone cos both Luke and Han are leaving adds a fun aspect to her character

Ehehehe the best deleted scene, the wampa yoinking the snowtrooper after 3PO removed the sign to the door and then Vader walking up and just looking so disappointed. I'm disappointed we don't have sound for that.

[shirtlesssammy]

5x22: Swan Song

In light of recent news, we thought we’d finally tackle what might have been the end (until someone went and made a demon deal, giving us 10 more years of our beloved show!) It’s weird watching this and seeing what a bummer this all would have been if it had ended like this. Sure, it was epic, but I guess I’m a sucker for a happy ending when it’s about characters I’ve come to love more than my own family. I’m also going to point to this Twitter thread about good and bad show endings. Swan Song wouldn’t have been bad had we only had TFW for five years, but we’ve watched them grow over 15 years now, and I want to see them get some peace. (Thanks to all the meta writers for throwing out the much needed hope!)

The Road So Far:

Carry on my wayward son...

Now:

We open with Chuck Shurley narrating the origin story of the most important object in pretty much the entire universe. And I’m literally two minutes into rewatching this episode and already crying. He’s tells us about it’s original owner, Sal Moriarty. (Oh, Eric Kripke, of course it was.)

And how, after he died, it ended up in the hands of John Winchester, after some persuasion by his time traveling son.

Fade to Sam and Dean in Bobby’s salvage yard, drinking beer from the little green cooler. Dean tells Sam that he’s “in” on having Sam say yes to the devil.

Dean acknowledges that Sam can make his own choices. “Watching out for you? That’s kinda been my job, you know? More than that, it’s kinda who I am.” Seeing this image Dean has of himself shift to NOT be this is really great. Dean asks if this is really what Sam wants. Sam is more resigned than enthusiastic to the plan, obv.

Cut to Team Free Will collecting demon blood like they’re stocking up for the apocalypse (err..). Dean confers with Bobby about Lucifer’s location and they determine it is Detroit.

Once on the road, Dean can’t help but notice what a cute, slumbering angel he has in the backseat. Sam logically points out that angels don’t sleep. They talk about their plan, the odds of it working, and the reality that Sam won’t be coming back from the cage. Sam makes Dean promise that he won’t try and get him back. Dean balks at the idea. Sam makes him promise that he’ll find Lisa and live “some normal, apple pie life.”

Once in Detroit, the group finds many demons out and about. Sam and Bobby have a moment. Then Sam asks Cas to “take care of these guys” for him. Cas tells Sam that it isn’t possible. Sam asks him to humor him. Cas catches on just a little too late that he’s supposed to lie. Oh Cas, you beautiful, literal goob.

Sam then gets to the business of downing four gallons of demon blood. With that done, Sam and Dean turn themselves in to the demons, who bring them to Lucifer.

Chuck continues his monologue on the Impala. He mentions the unimportant features, and then mentions the important features: Sam’s green army man, Dean’s legos, Sam and Dean’s initials. The devil doesn’t know or care about their car.

The devil wants to know what Sam and Dean are up to.

Sam says he’s ready to say “yes.” The devil reveals that he knows they have the rings that will reopen the Cage. Fuuuuuck. Sam tries bluffing, but the jig is up. Dean’s look of anguish is devastating. Lucifer likes his odds on the battle that will happen in Sam’s head. He agrees. Before Dean can do anything more than say “No”, Sam says “Yes.”

A bright light flashes and Dean finds Sam knocked out on the floor. He throws the rings on the wall and gets to opening the door to Hell. Sammy awakens and Dean helps him towards the portal. Only, PSYCH! It’s actually Lucifer. Sam didn’t stand a chance against him. He closes the portal and takes the rings.  

Once away from Dean, Lucifer has a moment with Sam, where Sam makes it very clear that he’s not done fighting.

Lucifer appeals to Sam’s worst feelings about himself, but says he wants Sam to be happy. Sam doesn’t want anything from Lucifer. Lucifer then points out the group of demons behind him. They’re all people Sam knew in his life --they were all watching Sam for Azazel.

Dean, Bobby, and Cas are watching the fallout to Sam saying yes.

Shallow Sidenote:

(Those curls!)

Cas suggests they “imbibe copious quantities of alcohol and just wait for the inevitable blast wave.” GRIM, DUDE --but he ain’t wrong. Cas doesn’t think there’s any way they can stop Lucifer and Michael meeting. Dean is not giving up (and he’s desperate guys -his insult at Cas was way harsh). Bobby’s even resigned to the reality of the situation.

We cut back to the room full of demons, but they’re all dead this time. Lucifer smugly looks at Sam in the mirror. “We having fun yet?” Ugh, Lucifer, you’re the worst.

Chuck’s narration cuts in like a road narrative, all misty colored and gentle. “They could go anywhere and do anything. They drove one thousand miles for an Ozzy show, two days for a Jayhawks game. And when it was clear, they'd park her in the middle of nowhere, sit on the hood, and watch the stars for hours without saying a word.” This beautiful interlude dissipates with a phone call and Chuck picks up, expecting Mistress Magda. (Eyebrow waggle.) LOL, nope! It’s Dean.

“You got a real virgin / hooker thing going on, don’t you?” Dean observes. Excuse me while I laugh forever over this line, with the confirmed Chuck-is-God context. Dean wants to know where the fight will happen. It’ll be at Stull Cemetery at high noon, just outside of Lawrence. Chuck doesn’t have any more useful information than that…but it’s a place to start.

Bobby and Cas try to prevent Dean from heading to Lawrence to intervene in the upcoming archangel showdown but their arguments are weak sauce compared to Dean’s need to save Sam. He heads off alone to Stull.

The cemetery is wispy with mist and bedraggled with age. Michael (wearing Adam) flaps in to greet Lucifer. (Side note: Saying that Michael is “wearing Adam” sounds like Adam is a fashion designer. In this epic showdown, Michael has been dressed by the FABULOUS Adam!) 

Both brothers seem regretful, but ultimately resolved. Lucifer questions why they’re fighting if neither of them wants to do it. Michael trots out the old “duty” argument. Lucifer offers an alternative: “We’re going to kill each other. And for what? One of Dad's tests. And we don't even know the answer. We're brothers. Let's just walk off the chessboard.” Hey, guys. It’s a really good point. It’s also an intentional mirror of Dean, Sam, and John that I refuse to stop getting emotional about.

Michael’s tempted for a moment. Damn serpent!! “I’m a good son,” Michael decides. “You haven't changed a bit, little brother. Always blaming everybody but yourself.” This is also an excellent fucking point, man. The rumble’s still on.

Speaking of rumbling, Dean approaches in Baby with Def Leppard cranked up loud. FUCK YEAH. “Sorry, am I interrupting something?” To quote Tess McGreer’s Twitter feed: MY SON!

Michael’s not into the whole threesome battle, and heads threateningly towards Dean when the camera cuts suddenly to Castiel and Bobby who have just flapped in. “Hey, assbutt!” Castiel shouts before lobbing a holy oil molotov cocktail at Michael. Bless.

Michael poofs away. “You got your five minutes,” Cas says to Dean just before Lucifer explodes him. NOOOOOOO

Lucifer’s pretty crabby by this point, so when Dean tries to verbally reach Sam again, he hurls Dean into Baby. Bobby shoots futilely at Lucifer before Lucifer snaps his neck. NOOOOOOO

“Sammy, are you in there?” Dean asks desperately. PROTECT.

“He’s gonna feel the snap of your bones,” Lucifer promises Dean. He’s gonna kill Dean slow. I’d chortle over the classic villain “kill you slow” trope except that Lucifer is beating Dean bloody and it’s really, really not funny.

“It’s okay. I’m here,” a very battered Dean tells Sam, leaving me to stare into space thinking about how he must have said this on quiet nights, comforting young Sam over nightmares or monster-under-the-bed scares.

Lucifer draws his fist back to deliver a killing blow as Dean slumps in his hold. His eye catches on a little army man stuck in the ashtray and we get a montage of Dean and Sam moments set to the soundtrack of howling wind. Sam’s fist uncurls.

And that’s it. Sam takes control. “I’ve got him,” Sam tells Dean. He hauls the rings out of his pocket and tosses them to the ground, chanting the incantation to open the cage. Dean sprawls on the ground, leaning against the car, bloodied and broken. Sam panics at the threshold to the cage when Michael!Adam appears. 

Sam takes one more look at Dean before he opens his arms wide, ready to plunge into the cage. As Michael tries to haul him back, Sam pulls him in as well.

With a blast, the cage closes and Dean is left alone in the quiet, wind-swept cemetery.

He looks up a while later to find Castiel standing behind him, whole and unblemished. “You’re alive?” Dean asks.

“I’m better than that,” Cas says and…okay. He heals Dean with a touch, then brings Bobby back to life. Good job, Cas bby!

“Endings are hard,” Chuck says, and the scene switches to his office once again. “Endings are impossible. You try to tie up every loose end, but you never can. The fans are always gonna bitch. There's always gonna be holes. And since it's the ending, it's all supposed to add up to something. I'm telling you, they're a raging pain in the ass.”

We switch back to Dean and Cas in the Impala. Cas is headed back to Heaven to try to bring order upstairs. He’s ready to continue his heavenly mission, but Dean’s pissed off. “Where’s my grand prize? All I got is my brother in a hole.”

“You got what you asked for, Dean. No paradise. No hell. Just more of the same. I mean it, Dean. What would you rather have? Peace or freedom?”

Cas flaps out. “You really suck at goodbyes, you know that?” Always, Dean. Always.

Dean says a temporary farewell to Bobby, then shows up at Lisa’s house, CLEARLY TRAUMATIZED. What a non-booty booty call. Lisa reads the room and pulls him in for a comforting hug. (Stay tuned for my 8,000 word essay on why Lisa is the best.) 

“Up against good, evil, angels, devils, destiny, and God himself, they made their own choice. They chose family. And, well... isn't that kinda the whole point? No doubt endings are hard. But then again nothing ever really ends, does it?” Chuck vanishes, which is apparently his equivalent of dropping the mic.

Then, the show proceeds to not end, in the best way. Dean is still lost at Lisa’s, putting on a “normal” front. And outside, Sam appears under a flickering street light. To be continued…for ten more seasons. <3

Quoting is Hard:

This 1967 Chevrolet Impala would turn out to be the most important car – no, the most important object – in pretty much the whole universe.

As far as foreboding goes, it's a little light in the loafers.

Ain’t he a little angel?

I told you. This would always happen in Detroit.

MFEO. Literally.

I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol and just wait for the inevitable blast wave.

Cas, are you God?

Every fiber he's got, wants to die, or find a way to bring Sam back. But he isn't gonna do either. Because he made a promise.

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[help-its-a-dot]

Alright so when I took this job they said all I had to do was narrate. You know, just follow this guy around and relay what he’s doing, make it sound interesting, yada yada yada.

Ok now that I say it out loud I realize that I’ve probably looked like a stalker for the past few days.

Fun.

ANYWAYS I was going somewhere with this; I had a point. Right. My point was that I didn’t think I’d end up in the middle of a burned down park, cowering in absolute terror behind some rocks that I really wish were bigger, and longing with all that's left of my heart that I could be one of those people that are, given the situation, naturally sprinting away whilst screaming at the top of their lungs.

Should I run away? I mean, it seems like the more logical option here; If I could get over that bridge, then I’d-

*bridge disintegrates*

Well there goes that.

Looks like I’ll be narrating then! Yippee. So, I should probably warn you, I haven’t exactly been paying attention to my assigned main character, ergo I don't have that much background knowledge. Oh who am I kidding, I have none.

Anyhow, sorry, I know I should be narrating. I’m getting to that. Background knowledge. What do I know?

Uh, actually nothing much happened to this dude. A few weeks ago he found a dead body in his bathtub. Now that I think about it, that’s probably where I should’ve started paying attention….

Ah, fucked this up, didn’t I.

Also, as a side note, I’m gonna be calling this dumbass Jake because my dumbass kind of sort of didn’t ever really at all catch his name.

Alrighty folks! I’m gonna…. Be brave…. And peek out from behind these rocks…. Did I mention how much I wished they were bigger? 

Ahem. *clears throat*. Narrator voice. *nods decisively*. Lets go.

There’s fire everywhere. On the tops of trees like snow at the peaks of mountains (how are there even still trees here) bushes have morphed into bonfires, while patches of grass are practically leaking little flames like a dope game of ‘the floor is lava’.

Jake stands, looking at the devastation with wide eyes. Smoke billows out into the sky, painting the already grey clouds black.

A deafening crash sounds behind him- you know, the kind you get when a boulder squishes a four story building like it’s a three year old’s structure of off brand legos. He’s thrown to the ground, and waits, breathing heavily.

Aw god why did I forgot my flask of vodka today? I freaking need it.

And as if that weren’t enough, a spaceship just blipped into the sky.

Should I run?

I should probably run.

Sorry, sorry, I’m not very good at this narrator thing. In my defense, I didn’t think they were serious! Alright, I’m gonna try that again.

Suddenly, and quite literally out of nowhere, there’s a fatally blinding blue-red light, making everyone in the immediate vicinity-- which isn’t that many people anymore, most have used their last few remaining drops of common sense and fled for their lives --squeeze their eyes shut and hastily bury their heads in whatever was nearest and most convenient to shield themselves from impending blindness, wailing in a mix of surprise and agony. All flames previously terrorizing the verdure are extinguished and the smoke is blown out as a single gust of forceful wind, which also effectively topples the few remaining, yet charred nonetheless, trees, buildings, and people.

Augh, ew, eurgh, I got a mouthful of Martin’s grocery bag. How do I know it’s Martin’s? They have a distinctive taste of mild sadness and resignation. Right, right, the spaceship. 

See, when I say spaceship, I mean cool looking flying saucer thingy appearing like it was plucked right out of a conspiracy theory and given some upgrades. It’s a giant, azure/ultramarine blue, except for the bottom which shines in a weirdly mesmerizing yellowish glow, squished sphere. Oval. Pancake. Sorry, I don't know my shapes. It seems to be practically thrumming with energy, like it drank five red bulls followed by ten extremely caffeinated coffees and finished it all off with a few five hour energy drinks. 

I cannot tell you how much I hope it doesn't do what it looks like it’s gonna do and explode.

Meanwhile, Jake has picked up… a sword. Well shit. Medieval, much? Not a gun? No? Personally, I think a gun would be extraordinarily effective against the horde of what looks like blobs but are probably extravagantly dangerous aliens filing in a weirdly orderly single file line out of the saucer and immediately beginning to lomp closer and closer and closer crap did I mention they were getting closer?

Should I run?

I should probably run.

Hold up, no, that reminds me, I’m supposed to be narrating. God, I’m atrocious at this, aren’t I.

He feels sweat break out on his brow. The sword is heavy in his hands, and he can barely lift it, let alone decapitate a blob, but he’s in too deep to let his weariness show. He’s gotta be strong and save what’s left of these people, this city, or die trying. Which is probably what’ll happen in a few minutes. But ah, well, he’ll die fighting for Americanos , which can’t be all that bad.

Technically, if you think about it, he’s suicidal, because his colossal ego will not, quite literally, for the life of him, allow him to take a smart route, like getting into that convenient truck and bowling over all the blobs, or snatching up a gun from that store across the street, or even just alerting someone who is actually capable at dealing with an event like this like the authorities.

But what can he do, he is American, after all. It's simply unavoidable; part of the culture description. *white people i swear

He watches morbidly as Martin’s grocery bags blow past from the ruins before him, and glances up as the spaceship above him gives one final thrum and blips away, probably back to wherever it came from, leaving him alone with an army of blobs bouncing threateningly towards him.

In truth, he didn’t know what they were. All he knew was that if they kept destroying everything at this rate, there won't be a single McDonalds left in America, and he couldn’t have that. Of course, by then there wouldn’t even be an America, and everyone would have to go to the McDonalds’ in Russia. Russia has McDonalds, right? Oh, he simply could not do that to his fellow citizens! 

He pondered this, along with whether or not Australia exists, all the while counting down the seconds (...7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… dammit 3, 2, 1… 3, 2, 1… 3, 2-- he’d get it eventually) until his doom and willing his arms not to shake with the incredible weight of the sword in his hands. Whose idea was it to make swords out of metal, anyways? It’s incredibly stupid-- nowadays 90% of America wouldn’t even be able to muster the courage to touch one, let alone the strength to lift one. 

Ugh, he knew he should’ve gone with that plastic light saber he’d seen at the mall. At least then he could’ve gone down with style.

As if on cue, there’s another, at this point expected, crash resounding behind him, and he turns to watch in despair as said mall tumbles almost comically to the ground. 

There goes the light saber.

And another McDonalds.

Ohh, things were getting bad.

The park, if you could still call it a park, is deserted now save for the occasional Martin’s grocery bag skittering about, and he can’t help but give in to the desire to reflect upon his life. He wasted it, playing video games and other shit like that all day, every day. This is the first time he’s been outside in a long time. He now knows with absolute certainty that if he were ever granted such an opportunity he’d go back and redo it all. He’d try harder to beat that level, he’d get the better controller, he’d stay up later working on his technique. But all that was a distant dream now, something he could not hope to accomplish now.

He wished that maybe, just maybe, heaven would have a nice game console for him.

When he’d gotten selflessly sucked into this adventure, he never thought he’d actually die, never expected anything to really happen- If he had, he of course would never have turned the power of his last 8 braincells away from a computer screen and into the real world to start investigating.

Ah fuck, sorry for interrupting, I think I twisted my wrist or some shit while trying to get a better vantage point on these still too small rocks. 

Should I run?

I should probably run.

On a different note: I’m really sorry guys. When you take a narrator job they never tell you anything about your person. Had I known he was American, I would have immediately sabotaged this entire thing; I could never in good conscience have subjected you guys to.. well.. this.

But alas, now I’m stuck narrating an American who is going to get me killed.

Unless… Unless there’s a loophole. My parents were lawyers, so I excel at finding those.

The rules are, you have to stay with your hero and narrate their adventure. How an American turned out to be one of the heroes, I know not, it must be a glitch in the system. But I’ll be fucking damned if this glitch gets me killed. Literally. So! Once the hero, inevitably, dies, you’re free to go. There’s nothing much left to narrate afterwards. And since Jake is closer to the horde of blobs coming our way than I am, as soon as he’s bowled over I’ll sprint. To the side, like a smart immigrant would do. Not straight back, because then the blobs’d just follow me and kill me, so the only logical conclusion is to circle around them and see if my apartment is still intact. I didn’t finish my cream puffs and I really don't want them to melt.

They’re getting closer. He can hear their squelching, and the chicken nuggets in his stomach churn unpleasantly. There’s bits of goo flying off them in all directions, and when said goo makes contact with something it immediately disintegrates that unfortunate something, leaving nothing behind. Is this really the fate that’ll befall him? Is this how the world ends?

Well, death by disintegration it is then. Oh, he can’t wait to brag to his boys about this.

Oh, wait, no, that’s not right. He’ll be dead.

And, in the last few moments before the blobs reach him, he reconsiders. There’s still so much this cruel world has to offer, and he never took advantage of any of it. Nor was he ever grateful for much of it. 

He suddenly feels a new feeling. Determination. He will destroy every single one of these vile creatures, and he WILL come out of it intact. He has to. 

With new resolve he scrapes together the last of his strength and raises his trusty sword over his head, every nonexistent muscle tense, ready. They’re getting closer. Closer. 50 yards. 30 yards. 20. 10. Just a few feet.

He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes dramatically. Swings his sword.

And is immediately squashed with the most sickening squelch there could ever be.

Ew.

Should I run?

I should probably run.

Yeah, I’m gonna run.

[emritcheson]

The Rise and Fall of PlayFirst Inc.

In the early 2000s, quality options for casual games were limited.  You basically had Cubis, Bejeweled, Jewel Quest, and a few thousand Mahjong games.

But in 2004...or 2005, depending on which Wikipedia article you’re looking at, a little company known as PlayFirst Inc. published Diner Dash, effectively changing the world of casual gaming as we know it.

The original Diner Dash was actually developed by Gamelab, who before then had only done a lot of online LEGO games from the look of it, but PlayFirst quickly acquired the rights to the game after they realized they had the golden goose sitting right in their lap.

The story of Diner Dash begins with Flo, a young woman who is fed up with corporate bureaucracy and strikes out on her own to run a restaurant.  Which ends up as a whole chain of restaurants, each with a different theme.  Now, I use the term “story” loosely because all that really pertains to a story here are a couple of comic book-style screens at the beginning and end.  It’s all very standard “follow your dreams” stuff, but trust me, it wasn’t as cliché back then as it is today.

What’s really to talk about here, though, is the gameplay.  It’s deceptively simple, gets more challenging with each level, and - as any review of the game will tell you - it’s highly addictive.  You seat customers, take customers’ orders, bring customers food, customer leaves a nice fat tip, you clean the table.  Lather rinse repeat.  But!  Dining parties get larger and arrive faster as the game progresses, and they also come in more colors, which are matched to seats for bonus points.  But you also get perks that help you, such as complimentary drinks and a podium to entertain customers waiting to be seated.  All in all, it’s a perfect time waster game.  And even if you make it to the end, you still feel compelled to get the expert score on every level.  At least...that’s the way I feel.

After Diner Dash cemented itself as a classic, PlayFirst dedicated most of their lifetime to milking this cash cow for all it was worth.  The game itself received four official sequels: Restaurant Rescue, in which Flo helps her restaurateur friends revamp their kitchens and pay rent; Flo on the Go, with the added gimmick of getting to change Flo’s clothes after she loses her suitcase on vacation; Hometown Hero, in which Flo visits her Grandma Florence and - what else - helps to revamp the local restaurants to their former glory; and BOOM!, in which Flo’s Diner is flooded with so many customers that it literally explodes and the money you earn goes toward rebuilding it.  They also put out some more novelty titles like Seasonal Snack Pack and Flo Through Time, but these seem to be regarded as lesser installments.

(And did I mention the Spongebob version?)

But of course, one can’t mention Diner Dash without mentioning...the spin-offs.

In addition to the proper Diner Dash series, PlayFirst released several other “Dash” games following the same general formula, but set in different businesses with different protagonists.

The most successful of these was Wedding Dash, starring Flo’s friend Quinn who tries to make it as a wedding planner.  It was so successful that they actually made three sequels.

Then came Doggie Dash, Dairy Dash, Parking Dash...(that seems like an oxymoron).  All of which were fun in their own right, don’t get me wrong, but by no means lived up to the original.  And you can tell that not all spin-offs really had the same budget, especially when it came to art and animation.

There was also Cooking Dash (which if you ask me was just Diner Dash trying to be Delicious, but that’s an article for another day), DinerTown Detective Agency which served as the obligatory hidden object game, and DinerTown Tycoon.

Amazingly enough, though, the Dash empire was not PlayFirst’s only claim to fame.  They also worked on Chocolatier, a tycoon series in which you travel back in time to run a chocolate company, and the Dream Chronicles series, equal parts hidden object and puzzle that actually had a really good story set in a world of fairies.

PlayFirst also had some great little standalone games.  In 2006, they released Plantasia, a crazy time management-slash-puzzle game where you use magic to bring gardens back to life.

They actually made this in collaboration once again with Gamelab who, despite having effectively sold the rights to their own personal gold mine, actually weren’t doing too bad for themselves.  They ended up developing the first two Jojo’s Fashion Show games and the highly underrated Miss Management.

Then in 2009, PlayFirst collaborated with Wadjet Eye Games (one of my very favorite game developers) to make Emerald City Confidential, a point & click adventure set forty years after the events of The Wizard of Oz.  And while Wadjet Eye’s CEO Dave Gilbert expressed significant creative differences between the two companies (watch his game commentary on YouTube), I still think the final product is amazing.

And in the same year, if you can believe it, PlayFirst took all that Wadjet Eye had taught them and released Avenue Flo, a fully-voiced point & click adventure based on Flo and the other characters of DinerTown, complete with a singalong theme song!  And wouldn’t you know it, it even got a sequel.

Unfortunately, the Avenues Flo were pretty much the last good hurrah for PlayFirst.  They just kept stretching and stretching and stretching the spin-off thing as far as it could go and the magic just wasn’t there anymore.  They weren’t really adding anything of substance to their new games - only making them gimmickier.  The reason I loved Avenue Flo so much was because it gave me a slice-of-life view of the characters of DinerTown; actually let me talk to and learn about them, rather than just shuffling them through a diner or a fitness center or a freaking soap opera shoot.

(Don’t get me wrong, Soap Opera Dash is still rad.)

The other thing that really sent PlayFirst on the path downhill was that they became very diligent about porting their games to mobile.  At first, these ports were pretty successful.  I mean, duh.  Why wouldn’t they be.  You port Diner Dash to anything, it’s going to be successful.

(Except for...most things Diner Dash was ported to.)

They were so successful, in fact, that in 2012, PlayFirst officially announced that they would cease production of all computer games to focus their efforts on the mobile market.  Which means any games in progress were cancelled, which means we never got Dream Chronicles 6, and I’m still bitter about it.

Then...tragedy.

In 2014, PlayFirst Inc. was purchased by Glu Mobile.  (You know, the company that makes the Kim Kardashian game?  Yeah, those guys.)  Most of their titles understandably went on backlog and are now only available through third-party sellers.  Which, thank God, there are a lot of.

But Diner Dash, cash cow that it is, kept being developed for the modern audience.  Which means the game got way more complicated than it needed to be, with weird power ups, too many new restaurants, and Flo and her friends getting really, really ugly makeovers.

Like, is that supposed to be Grandma Florence?

And that’s about when Gordon Ramsay got involved and the dream well and truly died.

But no matter what the bloodsucking Glu cronies are trying to do to our beloved Flo, PlayFirst will always live on in memory as one of the giants of the casual gaming world.