#30 MIN OF RESEARCH OKAY

[cowboygenes]

The Life Cycle of A Star

[skitskatdacat63]

Re: Chair Lore: Where is the Chair From?

I was joking about the seat looking like a sim chair, but after doing some research, I'm almost 100% sure they just took seats from a 2012 Ferrari 458 and put them on plexiglass platforms 😭

I couldn't find any pics that look *exactly* like the chair itself, but I think these are pretty similar, no?

It's going to bug me so much that I can't find the exact chair UGH, like with the white stripe in the middle, you know? But yes anyways, this is my theory.

*fyi, I'm planning a drawing with this chair and my thought process with finding reference is always "this has to be exactly perfect and 100% accurate" so thats why I'm being incredibly specific and over-detailed about this 😭 please don't think I'm weird

[arlerts-angel]

when you can't sleep at night ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

NSFW! 18+ !! minors do not interact!!

cw: armin x fem reader, use of names (pretty girl, angel, babygirl) slight coercion?, oral sex (m&f receiving), fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex

a/n: GOOOD MORNING IT'S 11:30 AM SO HERE'S SOME SOME SMUT FOR YA 🩵

🔞 NSFW BELOW THE CUT 🔞

you've been laying in bed restlessly for what feels like hours listening to your sweet boyfriend's light snores. he always falls asleep first, and fast, too. you always wonder how in the world he falls asleep so easily. his blonde hair falls across his face as his head sinks into his pillow. he looks so content. you almost decide to leave him alone, but his voice echoes in your mind: "wake me up if you can't sleep, okay?"

"armin..." you whisper, softly shaking him.

"hmph?" he replies groggily, he's definitely still sleeping.

you think to yourself: "maybe i should just let him sleep..."

he starts shifting, slowly sitting up. sleep is very much still on his face, but he looks as dreamy as always.

"can't sleep?" he asks softly, rubbing his eyes.

"yeah... sorry for waking you. i feel bad." you whisper back.

"don't worry about it, i'm up now." he brushes a strand of hair out of your face. you smile softly at him.

"nothing better to wake up to than you, pretty girl."

you blush profusely. everytime he calls you that it makes you feel some type of way. many ways, in truth, but the sound of his sleepy voice just made your heart flutter. you laugh softly and start to feel your skin grow warm. he often leaves you speechless, which he finds adorable.

"you know..." he started.

oh, armin and his knowledge of many, random things. you have absolutely no idea what he's about to say next, until you feel his warm hand gently stroking your thigh.

"some research shows that having sex before bed may help you sleep better."

you scoff and roll your eyes playfully, thinking he's making that up for sure. he chuckles, obviously aware of your disbelief. he now has an objective in mind: to make you fall asleep.

"what?" he leans in closer, whispering in your ear. "don't believe me?" he gently takes your earlobe between his teeth, biting softly. the feeling sends a chill throughout your body. you let out a soft sigh and close your eyes as he plants soft kisses down your neck.

"there's no harm in trying, right?" he asks quietly as his fingertips softly stroke your inner thigh, eliciting a small moan from you. he smirks at the sound. he gently cups your face with his other hand and kisses your lips softly. you feel yourself getting wet as his fingertips travel closer to your core. there's no mistaking that he can get you going easily. he knows it, too. before you know it, he's hovering above you, your faces just inches apart, his fingertips tracing where your panties hug your hips.

he looks you in your eyes as he moves his fingers painfully slowly inside your underwear, rubbing your slit vertically, collecting your slick on his middle finger. he smirks once more, knowing (and loving) exactly how to make you putty in his hands. he removes his hand away from your slit, holding up his slender, wet finger. "look at that, my pretty girl is so wet already..." he pops the finger in his mouth, savoring the taste of you as he looks in your eyes.

"mmmh..." you moan softly, wiggling underneath him. "not yet, pretty..." he groans, palming his cock through his boxers. you watch him, getting increasingly impatient.

"please, 'min..." you whine. your hand makes it's way under his boxers, slowly stroking his shaft. he lets out a low grunt and thrusts. he loves the feeling of your soft hands around his dick. you sit up and slowly slide his boxers down his muscular thighs. the sound of his cock slapping his torso echoes through the otherwise quiet room. you lick your lips and look up at him as you take the tip of his dick between your soft lips.

"fuck, angel..." he groans as he looks at you teasing the his tip. you smirk and swirl your tongue around, never breaking eye contact. he groans again and grabs his dick, slapping it on your tongue. you slowly take his length between your lips, sucking on it like candy. he throws his head back and groans, thrusting his cock ever so slightly in your mouth.

"you look so pretty with my dick in your mouth..." he says softly, smirking down at you. this only encourages you to suck him off a little more, bobbing your head up and down all of his length and softly cupping his balls between your fingers. he inhales sharply at the sensation.

"my god, angel..." he whines, tossing his head back once more in pure pleasure. you hum against his cock, sending a chill throughout his body. this nearly sends him over the edge, enough to make him pull away from your mouth completely. he bends down to kiss you, starting at your lips and leaving a trail down your neck, chest, and torso, stopping just above your panties. he looks up and you and smirks.

"please, armin–" you sigh, desperate for him to touch you in any way. he kisses your vulva gently over your panties before sliding them down your legs. he kisses your inner thighs, slowly making his way back to your slit. you let out soft whimpers as he gets closer to your heat. he softly laps his tongue against your swollen clit. you gently grab his hair and moan.

"oh my fucking god–" you whisper, feeling his tongue glide up and down your pussy. he loves the way you react to his tongue and would stay between your legs for hours if you'd let him. he moans as he takes your clit gently between his teeth, sucking lightly on it.

he's so good at eating you out. he may even enjoy it more than you. he absolutely worships your pussy, mouthing away like he's starving. he pulls away for a moment, only long enough to tell you how good and sweet you taste. his tongue returns to your bud, licking at such a perfect pace you can't hardly stand it. you place a hand gently on the back of his head, pressing his face into your cunt a little harder, gripping his hair. he smirks and insers a slender finger into your dripping wet core, pumping in and out slowly.

"oh fuck, armin–" you moan, back arching and bucking your hips against his finger. it doesn't take long for him to add another finger, his tongue never shifting away from your clit. he fingers you faster and harder, hitting a rougher patch of your walls that sends you over the edge.

you let out a sinful moan. "gonna cum, gonna cum." but you don't. he stops everything and smirks. he rises and kisses your lips, making you taste yourself. "not yet, angel. want you to cum on my dick." he says in a low voice. you groan but you know it won't take too long for both of you to finish.

he slaps the tip of his cock against your clit, eliciting soft moans from you. he pushes it ever so slightly against your clit before guiding it down to your entrance. he slowly pushes into you, no need for lubricant because your cunt is soaked. he groans as he feels you stretch around him. "so fucking tight, angel. you take my dick so well." his thrusts start off slow and sensual. a couple of thrusts later his middle finger finds your clit and rubs little patterns on it. "so good, 'min." is all you can muster. his pace quickens and so does his breathing. he's too focused to say anything; too busy pounding balls deep in your pussy.

you were already so close to your orgasm that it certainly doesn't take much more to push you over the edge. you feel him hitting that sweet spot in your walls thst makes you writhe and contort underneath him. you can't even offer an announcement because you're cumming here and now and there's no stopping it. your pussy tightens around his cock as he slams into you, making a pornographic moan slip from his throat. "fuck yeah babygirl... cum all over my dick. just like that."

he slows his thrusts down so not to cum right away. "where do you want this cum, princess?" he asks through grunts and gritted teeth. he's so polite to ask, but there's only one answer right now. "inside me." you say breathily. a devilish grin spreads across his face and he starts thrusting is cock into you a little harder now that he knows where to cum.

"beg for it, angel. tell me how badly you want me to cum inside your pussy." yes sir! he's so fucking close and you know exactly what to say to get him there. "please 'min, my pussy is soaking and ready for your cum. i need my cunt to be filled with your cum." your begs and pleads earn a curse from under his breath. his eyes roll and his head leans backwards as his dick twitches, his cum spurting deep inside your pussy.

he eventually pulls out to lay beside you, softly stroking your hair. he's beaming at you, so very in love with you. "how you feeling, angel? think you can sleep now?" he asks sweetly. you smile and nod. "yeah, i think so." you cuddle him close, laying your head on his chest. he continues to run his fingers through your hair as he watches your eyes slowly blink shut. he places a soft kiss on your forehead and whispers: "sweet dreams, mon ange."

[sunlit-haruka]

Arturo's talent confuses me a lot

Okay so on this fine 12:30 PM I was thinking about the newest QnA, and how DRDTDev said this in it

And it was always something that intrigued me a lot because I really could not figure out what it meant or why the exact ages of the cast were kept hidden. That is, until I started thinking about everyone's favorite(...?) Ultimate Plastic Surgeon, Arturo Giles. Specifically, his talent in question. Because to put it bluntly: How in the everliving FUCK is Arturo a Plastic Surgeon at his age Now you might wonder just what I mean by that, and as such let me run you down the requirements to be a plastic surgeon in the US from what I have researched:

Now obviously these are only three sources, and this is mainly referring to the US because that is where DRDT takes place, but the point still stands. For Arturo to become a licensed plastic surgeon, he would have to go through a six year program/residency for plastic surgery, obtain a bachelor's degree (or I guess whatever Hope's Peak's version of a bachelors degree is) which is canonically a four-year university in the DRDTverse, as WELL as an extra four years in medical school.

(Now fair warning, I am not the best when it comes to reading comprehension, so there might be some things in the screenshots I linked that I ultimately missed. And if so, you're allowed to (politely) point it out to me !) Even if there are a few things I misread, it still brings into question how Arturo obtained his talent when you look at his possible age Now obviously, as I mentioned before, the DT cast's actual age is a spoiler. But that doesn't mean we can't speculate based on the information we do have from the series

(A challenger has approached: Min Jeung /j) This line from the first bonus episode is the closest thing we get to a clear-cut age for the DT cast, where Unnamed Classmate / Mai says that Min is 18. Unfortunate jinxing aside, this also brings back up the fact that Hope's Peak in the DTverse is a four-year university course akin to US college (I'll actually include a screenshot this time)

So it can be assumed that this bonus episode (and I assume Xander's), takes place during their first year at Hope's Peak, and assuming that the rest of the cast is the same age they were all 18-19 during their first year. But that isn't all ! As remember, these guys have their HPA memories snatched from them, so let's cover that as well

Now, we don't know how long "a few years" could be. It could be only one year like Rose said initially, it could be two, three, hell ten for all we know. However, Min (as posted before) and Xander don't seem to have aged that much in comparison to their current appearences. So I'm going to assume (keyword here, assume) that about three years at most have been taken from them. as that would put them largely around the end of HPA. So with all of this in mind, that would mean that Arturo is around 19-22 during the events of the death game, but even with that considered, that still means that Arturo was scouted and given the title of Ultimate Plastic Surgeon at 18. And that is where my confusion lies since that...is basically impossible DRDT-Dev has clearly thoroughly researched all of the talents of the cast and how they work in the DTverse and in general seems to be very intricate when it comes to their writing, so I highly doubt they would make an oversight like this. There has got to be a reasoning for this. And I can think of three possible ones 1. Arturo is some kind of prodigy in the medical and cosmetic surgery field which could've led to him becoming a plastic surgeon much earlier in life than one typically would 2. Arturo is just straightup lying about his ultimate talent for whatever reason, possibly fabricating the license on his coat. He's obviously not faking his medical knowledge as we've seen in the actual series, but him faking his ultimate isn't exactly ruled out 3. The DRDT cast are much older then we or they realize, and there is another reason why they still look to be in their early 20s (I swear to god if this turns out to be some virtual world shit I am actually going to go insane /lh)

...Or the 4th reason that being I AM looking too deep into this, but whatever it's fun to overanalyze this shit Please let me know what you think, I'd love to hear other people's opinions on this !

[unhingedhousehold]

count the sheep

summary: you can't sleep and bradley passed his sweet mom's genius method to help you.

lol. omg. was scrolling through tumblr when i found this post and one of the reblogs said they used to go through alphabet and name a person they love whose name starts with each letter and... that's how i gave birth to my 2nd story lol who would've thought I'll have 2 babies!

this story is so funny in my head sffdgfgr i had so much fun writing this sfagafwfsgsgsgsgdg okay enough with the giggles

pairing: bradley bradshaw x reader (reader has hair)

warnings: mentions of bradley's parents, mentions of pineapples on pizza (lol), mentions of mint choco flavor (lol again), implied smut, a bit of marriage proposal thought (bradley is a simp), bradley saying fuck!!, my knowledge about natops and navy based on my 5 mins google research so apologize for any mistakes, english isnt my 1st language so you know the sorry for any inaccurate words and bad grammar drill!!

words: around 2k i think

i don't consent my work being translated or copied, please be respectful of someone's work!

Bradley felt like it's been hours since you've been turning and tossing on your side of bed when in fact, it's only been around 30 minutes. He already turned off the lamp, a playlist created to help both of you to sleep soundly still playing, yet you're still wide awake squirming trying to sleep. You were in his embrace earlier, but escaped because you simply just can't stop moving and shift your body a bit from Bradley's. He heard you grunt, and that's his cue to get you back to his embrace, his arms wrapped around your body and chin on your hair.

“I say this with so much love, please stop squirming or I'll have to tie you on the headboard.” He heard you chuckling and even though he can't see you but somehow, he's able to detect there would be a witty answer from your upcoming reply.

“Oh kinky, wouldn't be the first time though.”

See?! You and your smart mouth will be the death of him!

“Pervert. Seriously, what's up? You're usually the first one to go to the dreamland. Try to relax and stop thinking, okay? We had a long day; let's rest our tired body, yeah?”

You sighed, feeling guilty and trying to escape again from his embrace so he'll be able to have his sleep, “That's what I've been trying. Sorry. Maybe I should be sleeping on the cou–” he stops you with a kiss on your lips, “Nah, don't apologize,” and tightens his grip to prevent you from getting away again, "and not a chance."

You relented and hugged him back, with muffled voice, you reason, “This is why you shouldn't let Bob chose a movie. I don't do well with horror.”

“He won today's quiz from Cyclone. Phoenix would've killed me if I interfered with Bob's choice of movie. Besides, you have your eyes closed the entire time the movie is on! And you know it yourself you will never be able to say no to Bob.”

You smiled fondly at his statement, recalling the time when Bob offered you to try his mint choco flavored ice cream and you ended up liking it to normal amount (up to this day, Fanboy still convincing you you're basically having toothpaste as a dessert. Hangman as the Vice President of Mint Choco Ice Cream Lovers kicked his ass for that). “Bob is really the worst enabler in my life.”

You can feel Bradley's laughter from the way his chest grumbled. He then hummed along the song that's currently playing, usually his humming would help you sleep faster, yet it's not working.

You're tracing something on his back, from your initial to his, and mixed both of your initials when he started talking again, “You know, maybe I know a way. This is something my mom came up with when she was dealing with her insomnia.” He said it with so much ease, so different from years ago when he didn't even wanna talk about his mom. You started writing his Mom's name on his back.

“How?”

As he felt you writing the O letter, he answered, “Count the sheep.”

You stopped your movement from writing the I letter, “So I should literally counting them to thousands? I've made it past 300 only back then.”

(You remembered it because you had 3 coffees in one day thanks to back to back studying session you had to do during exam period.)

“No, you're not literally counting the sheep. It's more like you try to think of things that fit the topic you chose and count them, but don't google the answers. Just lay in bed and think of them.”

“Does it work for you?”

He answered when you just finished his Mom's name, and now you're going to write his Dad's, “Most of the times, yes.”

Bradley felt it when you're done writing NICHO, index finger about to start writing L when you quietly asked, “What kind of topic did you chose then?”

“Inactive United States Navy aircraft squadrons between 1980 to 2009. What's on NATOPS Pocket Checklist. NATOPS Emergency Procedure Basics–” before he can continue with more Navy related that you have no idea about, you looked up and kiss his lips tenderly to shut him up, “You're such a nerd.”

He laughed, kissing the top of your hair and defends himself. “Not always like that. Sometimes I think of ways to please you. My favorite topic to think about, honestly.”

You rolled your eyes, your hands that previously on his back smacked his ass lightly.

“Or you can use my mom's way, she told me to go through the alphabet and name a person I love whose name starts with each letter.” Bradley started writing something on your back, like you did earlier to his.

When you felt him writing your last name, that's when you found your voice back. “Hmm. Interesting.”

“Yeah, I used to do that a lot when I was a kid but I don't think I can do it now.”

“Why?”

“Because your letter is the only letter I can think of. I don't need to through from A to Z to think of someone I love.”

With your fist, you hit his chest lightly, “You're such a sap.”

“Only with you, sweets.”

His index finger started to write M, followed by R, S, continues with B, R, and then A. You had an idea what he was about to write, so you decide to try his Mom's method.

“Okay, I'll try.”

He just finished writing W with heart emoji in the end when he replied, “Go on. I'm listening.”

You wrote A on his chest, rocking your brain to come up with someone whose name starts with A.

“A.. I can't think of any A... Aaron?”

Bradley tensed up, the movement of his index finger trying to write the V letter suddenly stopped and shifted his body a bit to get a look at your face, “Who the hell is Aaron?”

“What? Urgh, I don't think this method will work. It's just one male name and you're already this worked up. How am I supposed to go through until Z?”

“The Aaron I know in your life was your ex-fling! You could've mentioned Ally!” Your brows furrowed, looking at him with confusion clouded your face, “She makes omelet you claimed is to die for at the diner we frequent to?”

You laughed at his goofy but correct answer, “You're unbelievable.”

You're back to his chest, writing B as the next letter. “Okay. B.. hmm...”

You both knew damn well who is the person going to be, but riling him up is your favorite thing to do so you made your voice to be the sweetest and full of hope voice that you'll certainly say one precise name.

“Oh I know, this is the easiest,” You practically can feel Bradley's anticipated eyes, smile at the ready and kisses that awaits you after you said one name, his fingers ready to write so much after he finished i love you on your back earlier.

(He's just that good with his timing, huh? You can't let him have his victory, though.)

“It's Bob! Next for C...”

Bradley released you from his embrace, fingers stilled in the air, and giving you that look when you told him you like your pizza with pineapples on it, “What the fuck?”

You showed him your innocent eyes, a kind of eyes that will let you get away with anything and everything, blinking them, “What? I'm doing it right! Bob starts with B!”

He huffed, hands covering his face dramatically, “You know there's someone else whose name starts with B.”

You taunt him, “Yeah? Who?”

Oh, he loves you so much for that.

He pouts, voice like a little kid whose mom rejected his idea to go biking with friends, “Oh come on, big elephant in the room?”

Your eyes lit up when he said that, as if you got what he meant by the elephant in the room.. because you should! How could you forget his name? A name that you're screaming to when he went down on you! A name you fervently vocalize when he's ball deep insi –

“Hmm.. Benjamin Penny?”

Shocked at your answer, his mouth goes wide open, formed a big O, “Are you kidding me?”

And what happened next was your laughter filled the room with Bradley hovering over you as he tickled you with so much force; from your waist to your sole, your stomach isn't lost on him as he blew so much raspberry on it. Not only that, he attacks you with kisses on your neck, biting the juncture between your shoulder and neck, the back of your ear tickles at how much force he puts to make you laugh that you can't say anything but laughing. When you got lost in the feeling, he's back on tickling your waist.

He's really good at memorizing your body, thanks to the amount of times he spent to explore on it. You decided you couldn't take another tease from him when you felt his right hand trying to make its way on between your closed legs, and as you tried to get away from his teasing by hitting his shoulder, an idea came up, “Stop it, Cradleeeey!” But it seems like he didn't hear you, looking at how his hands busy kneading the flesh of your thighs.

“Hey Dradley, stop it! Okay, I surrender!” He's now looking at you, confusion over his pretty face because he just registered what you just called him.

“What did you just call me?”

“Cradley. Dradley. Eradley? Bradley starts with E sounds so weird.” Both of his hands are now on your side, face inches away from yours, “Fradley is funny though. Oooh, Gradley?” You kissed his nose, and his cheeks as you said each name.

“Did you just change the first letter of my name?”

“Yeah. Now I know what you meant by elephant in the room! You said to go through the alphabet and name a person I love whose name started with each letter, right? Hradley sounds weirder than Eardley, don't you think?”

He laughed so hard at your expression and to muffle his chuckles, he hid his face on your neck. You can't help but to join him as you wrap your hands around his neck.

“Wait until we get to T.” He said after so much effort to stop his giggles.

“Oh my god! You're right. Hey, Tradley,” you giggled, amused by it and he kissed your forehead because he didn't want to interrupt your laughter and looked at you like you hung the moon (you did, according to him), “I don't think I'll be able to pronounce Xradley and Zradley well though.” You said the X and Z with struggles, and for your attempt to pronounce Yradley and Wradley next, he rewards you with a kiss to your lips, deepening it when he felt you opening your sweet lips to welcome him.

–––

And the next few weeks when Bradley was deployed and had a hard time sleeping, he chose his topic about ways on how to propose you. He woke up smiling as he vividly remembers what he came up with. He thanked his genius Mom for her count the sheep method; that's how he knows his Mom has always been, is always, and will always be with him, just like she promised.

the ending is a bit weird but whew 🥹🥲🫣 if you make it to the end, thank you for reading!

[archaic-stranger]

tips for.. not procrastinating; ya girl needs it

yeah! as usual, some of these might work for you while others won't. some trial and error will give you a better idea of what techniques are helpful. here are some strategies that i've found effective:

make a list. this is a pretty basic one, but even knowing what you want to get done is a step towards getting it done. break large tasks into manageable, specific, steps - instead of "write term paper", try "research for term paper - 30 min".

a general to-do list is great, but you can also go a step further and sort tasks by how aversive they are. often i procrastinate because there's one thing i really don't want to do, and i'm avoiding it by not doing anything at all. once you know what the most aversive thing is, give yourself permission not to do it. set it aside and pick something less unpleasant to do instead. essentially, procrastinate on something you really don't want to do by doing something you only sort of don't want to do.

have fun with it. brew a cup of tea, put on your favorite music, or use a pen with your favorite color of ink. making your space more appealing won't completely stop you from procrastinating, but it might make it a little easier to get started. try romanticizing the task - you're not taking notes for a class you hate, you're a scholar unraveling the secrets of the universe. it's kind of silly, but having fun, in whatever way works for you, will make it easier to get things done.

just get started. i'm sure you've heard this one before, but it really does work. set a 10 minute timer, or tell yourself you're going to do one math problem, and see what happens. if that's all you get done? great - a little bit of work is far better than none at all.

have someone hold you accountable. this goes hand in hand with the last one - getting started on a task is way easier if someone else tells you "okay, you're going to work on this for 10 minutes". sometimes a bit of encouragement or positive reinforcement from a friend or family member can make a big difference.

plan ahead. when you wake up, set aside a certain time later that day and decide what you're going to work on. it's easier to tell yourself "in two hours, i'm going to work on my math homework for twenty minutes" than it is to say "right now i'm going to get everything done". like with the to-do list, plan tasks that are manageable and specific.

finally, take care of yourself. procrastination isn't always a bad thing - sometimes it's your brain and body letting you know that you need rest. if you keep trying to be productive but just can't find the motivation, remember to be gentle with yourself. procrastination isn't a moral failing - there's nothing wrong with you as a person if you're struggling to get work done. if you have the opportunity, take an evening off. watch some tv or go to bed early. letting your brain rest might feel like a waste of time, but you'll feel more refreshed the next day.

good luck! you've got this, and don't be afraid to ask for additional help if and when you need it. if you're a student, your school might have resources available to help with procrastination and task organization. if not, there are some more in-depth articles here and plenty of other internet resources available to people struggling with the same stuff you are.

[whentherewerebicycles]

okay well we spent two hours doing a small group brainstorming/planning activity using projects from people’s work and that was actually fun—I love doing that kind of ideation and planning work with people. then we had to sit through 30+ min of whole-group debrief where people stood up and monologued breathlessly about feeling held by the collective as we harvested each other’s wisdom which almost ruined the experience. but luckily I came prepared with a challenge to work through in my head lol.

today’s zoning-out project is mapping out the basic research skills class I’ll be teaching in the spring quarter. one of the big problems I’ve identified in my info-gathering interviews is that students can’t do some pretty basic research things (like reading academic articles, evaluating sources, conducting lit reviews on a given topic, etc) and so faculty don’t want to take them on as summer research assistants because it’s a ton of work to train them in those skills AND familiarize them with the faculty member’s questions and methods AND give them a crash-course on the existing scholarship around this topic. so I am trying to pilot a thing where faculty get extra research funds for taking on a small group of summer students… but my office takes them for a quarter first, trains them in those basic skills and helps them build relationships with the librarians, and has them do all their major activities & assignments using real sources/data related to the faculty member’s project. that way students have 10 weeks to practice the skills and learn at least some of the research before we hand them off to the faculty mentors for the summer. I think we will also provide ongoing mentoring + student services-type support throughout the summer so we can continue working on project management and skill-building type stuff with them individually as they are conducting research… but for now I am focusing on drafting a version of the spring course to workshop with the faculty members who have expressed interest in participating. anyway I am at the very earliest stages but today while zoning out I spent some time trying to unbundle some of the skills that go into engaging with academic sources… needs refining (and maybe even some more unbundling?) but here is a first stab at it:

[artfoold00k]

Hey Dook, I really hope the upcoming year brings you nothing but good vibes and a perfect harmony in your awesome art! Your new pieces always make my day, seriously. You're such an inspiration, so dang talented.

Quick question for you: I often find myself stuck when I try to draw in my free time. How do you always come up with such cool ideas? Share your secrets on finding inspiration and drawing as expressively as you do, please!

(´｡• ω •｡`) Ah, you're so kind. Thank you for the good wishes. I wish you an awesome upcoming year as well.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

That's a good question! It's relevant for many fellow artists out there.

SUMMARY: Mix: your passion, your favs, a theme, portfolio and art goals. Power up with your references collection.

In details ⤵️

For me, stumbling onto those bright ideas that really click, started with digging into who I am and what I love.

It's mainly about recognizing the roadblocks and figuring out a fix that fits you. And it's like having a chill heart-to-heart with yourself:

you: I'm stuck. Can't figure out what to draw! mind: Okay. What is your main objective? Work or hobby? you: Feeling a bit rusty. Maybe I should start with something personal, you know, for practice. mind: Got it. First things first, let's jot down your favorite things. Got a list handy? you: Uh, not really. They're all up in my head. mind: No biggie. We can roll with that. It might spark some inspiration. But hey, to spice it up, let's create a visual board of you as an artist. Your focus, your style, your values — everything. Think of it like a moodboard. you: Sounds kinda complex. I just wanted to doodle in my downtime. mind: Trust me, this won't eat up much of your time. It's a breeze, and the result might just be the secret sauce for your future drawings. Start a bit now, pick it up later.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I, actually, aided it further.

All my ideas that wake me up or keep boiling in my head, I write into digital lists (in my case is TickTick app). Because when I see something inspiring (or someone) I can attach a link where needed, or add a custom note with markdown available.

Then I began to fill up my reference folders. I work on them from time to time with a timer (20-30 mins). In my case, when I focus on character design, I have a collection of styles I want to try (including art from my favorite games cuz sure I want to learn how pro artists do it), coloring and drawing tutorials, educational (anatomy and all that), poses/faces/expressions, fashion, etc. *can be on your device, online drive, or a platform like Pinterest. Each set is not enough on its own. To make it work - combine things. Example: pick a pose, add a face to it, choose something trendy and fashionable, add your favorite colors/items/theme, throw some VFX. Mix and mash, don't be afraid to combine incompatible.

By establishing my priorities, I made lists (yet again, my obsession) of what I want to practice and then added each category in a randomizator to pick for me 3 elements to match and challenge. Here is my approximate plan (WIP). Random color generator (one of many out there)

I trained myself not to take too broad themes and stick to what I want to have in my portfolio (what drives my future commissions) while staying versatile. Takes practice.

I hope it helps somehow. It's something that works for me these days but might change in the future.

Find your own way because no one knows you like you do, so the most comfortable way to resolve an issue is the one that's crafted by you. Believe, your mind can find shortcuts and tips for you if tasked to do so. Don't forget to research and store.

[akademiaangel]

day six ~ saturday 14 october 2023

okay i wasn't that productive today either

but i was so tired 😭

things done today:

➢went on two 30 min walks to gain some motivation

➢studied properly like 2-3h

➢during the day reviewed a bit and answered questions

➢researched gymnasiums a bit and got some info:

~ gymnasium info ~

so first of all, there is a space gymnasium i want to go to

i want to study astronomi, and it's seems to be the only good one i can find

but the problem is that i'll have to higher my grades ALOT

the lowest merit score (grade score basically) to attend is 290 i think, 302 being the lowest score attended and 325 being the average

and my merit score is 240 😭

so i'll have to do ALOT to do

but i calculated a bit of possible grades i could get in different subjects and if i really tried i think i could get like 315

so atleast i have much more motivation now 😃👍

things to do:

➢study for history (test wednesday)

➢study physics (test in two weeks)

➢study math

➢book documentation

➢add dutch course on duolingo + study dutch

➢study japanese

➢research and look for gymnasiums

[agust-june]

I wanna have a serious discussion about New Jeans.

DISCLAIMER: this is no hate towards the girls!

Yesterday I was on tik tok and this creator was reacting to New Jeans he's new to Kpop and he asked who Hyein was and how he like her and the comments explained that she is 15. He apologized off the bat but that's not where my issue lies.

My issue is this comment here:

I explained that she does not all of New Jeans look like children.

The reply:

I responded with I'm older than New Jeans I still get mistaken as a child. How do you not see them as children.

And was met with this response:

Then I woke up to this comment today:

Then I wondered where they were getting this from? Where does she look older? So I did me research and looked at Hyein.

Where does she look 18 at? She looks like a regular high schooler. I would show more pictures but I'm not done.

Even with her next to the group they all look like kids. They still have baby faces. Like is it different for men? Or is it because they spend so much time looking at children that they forget to tell the difference?

But it doesn't end there, no...

This is kprofiles. The one on the right is Hyein solo profile and the one on the left is the New Jeans Profile. Why are they different? And why that picture of Hyein? Why that outfit? Like I knew they company is weird but really Kprofiles too? It doesn't even look like her.

The gag is it's not the only one...

Why does Hanni look like that? That's not the way to sit in a skirt. And the way the photo is framed is weird as well. The photo reminds me of THOSE anime figurines and not in a good way.

Then their music videos... that's a different ball park. If you want me to explain, I'll do another post.

It's already bad enough that they company New Jeans is under the CEO is weird.

Then, to top it all off, I can't stand the fact older men are talking about how certain members of New Jeans are their "ideal type" like you are in your 30s or about to be in your 30s and you think 19 to 15 year olds are your ideal type? Or saying how they make you feel younger?

Then their Fandom is a whole other beast. I know Kids are into New Jeans, and women around my age are onto them. But the men who are in they late 30s and up single and don't have kids?? Why are they into New Jeans? Why are they being allowed in their Fandom spaces? Not being sexist women who are like that is weird as well, and from mostly what I've seen, it's the grown ass men. I think it's weird, and these girls aren't being protected. I sometimes forget that K-pop is an industry like any other. It's sad to see these girls are clearly being marketed to not just kids and teens. If they were, they clearly would have different photos. Like I love those girls and their music. HOWEVER, that company they are under is weird, and I'm here wondering where is the Fandom? Why aren't they protecting these girls? Time and time again, when we see idols being failed or mistreated, we the Fandom call out the company on they behavior.

I hope that more people are aware of New Jeans, and I hope that they are okay and aren't surrounded by THOSE type of people.

[celestie0]

heyyy girl i was curious about something totally unrelated. but i’m currently living in socal too and i’m a second year in college. tbh i need some advice on looking for apartments cuz i’m broke😭. my school lets us house on campus all four years so i may do that next year, but where did you look to find ur apartments, like what websites? also how many roommates did you need to get?

if you don’t feel comfortable answering that’s totally okay!!! ❤️

omg hi bb yaaay i have a socal follower 🥺💕 we’re so close hehe

and oof finding apartments was toughh ik that on campus housing can be super expensive 😭 so if you’re looking to move out for your next few years that’s totally valid

as for searching, tbh there were quite a few apt complexes near my campus that are known for student housing (not mandatory to be students in order to house, but ofc a lot of them ended up being students) so the BIGGEST thing is just researching when they start opening leases n then contact their offices right away (it was always first come first serve in my experience)

there was no specific website that i used tbh it’s moreso just check out the geographic area n also maybe ask some upperclassmen where they’ve chosen to live

other places you can try looking are facebook, also ppl leave flyers for housing sometimes on campus bulletin boards bahah but remember to keep ur safety in mind too. even if it’s cheap rent, if it seems like a dangerous area, then DO NOT live there

as for roommates i have three (so it’s a four bedroom apt), but obv if you think that’d be too crowded or claustrophobic then you could have less but it’d be more expensive

i mean im only at my apt bc i was stupid n signed my lease again since i thought i’d need it. my fam lives ab 30 mins away in much more spacious house so i spend half my week w them anyways 💀 but for reference my rent is about $750 a month!

SORRY IF THIS IS LONG I JUST LIKE YAPPIN BUT I HOPE IT’s HELPFUL N GOOD LUCK TO YOU 💕💕

[teecupangel]

I'd like to talk about AC2, more precisely how Giovanni traveled so much before the 29th. Google maps says the Travel times are as follows by bike (which I estimate is like a horse) Florence -> Milan 18.5hrs, Milan ->Venice 16hrs 10 min, Venice -> Florence 15hrs, Florence ->Rome 17hrs, and then back to Florence for another 17hrs. In total 83 hours and 40 minutes. That's not counting how long he was in each location. When did this guy eat or sleep in between all this? Fanfic research at the max.

Okay, so I was faced with a similar problem with the traveling Altaïr did in AC1 because he used a horse, sure, but AC1 happened from June to September and the whole hunt for the nine was around July to September so, yeah, nine targets (ten actually) in the span of 3 months is kinda questionable.

WARNING: This post mentions pushing a horse passed its limit and a disregard for the horse’s health. I will include a trigger for animal cruelty as well in the tags to cover all my basis. Again, this is all theoretical and I try not to be descriptive but, yeah, please prioritize your mental health and do not read this if you believe it will be detrimental to you or would make your day worse.

Moving on!

According to this website:

Walk: 6~ish km/hr.

Trot (from a different website): 12 km/hr (although there is a record of 30 km/hr, this is an outlier and will not be added to our guesstimate)

Canter: 16~27 km/hr which is around the ballpark of an average cyclist’s speed (23~29 km/hr)

Gallop: 40~48 km/hr. (which is just below a lot of speed limits)

However, we must also take into consideration the horse’s stamina.

According to this website, a horse can cover the following distance:

Walk: 51 km without break.

Trot: 32~64 km without break.

Canter: 11 km without break.

Gallop: 3~4 km without break.

So if we take these into consideration, you’d get the following before being forced to make the horse take a break.

Walk: 51 km in 8.5 hours before needing a break.

Trot: We will use the average of 32~64 which is 48 km in 4 hours before needing a break.

Canter: For canter, we will use the average of 16 to 27 km/hr in our calculations which is 21.5 km/hr so 11 km in 0.5 hr (30 minutes) before needing a break.

Gallop: We will use 4 for the approximate 3~4 km and the average of 40~48 km/hr which will give us 44km/hr to give Gallop a chance. So 4 km in 0.09 hr (approximately 5ish minutes) before needing a break.

According to this website, the best way to keep the horse moving without tiring it too quickly is to switch between 2 gaits so let’s try and find the ‘best’ combination.

Okay, now, I can’t find a website that can tell me how many hours or minutes a horse needs before changing back to a more exhausting gait so let’s say Giovanni makes his horse switch gaits at a similar time period as the max of the highest speed we’ll have in the combination. Feel free to correct me on this one (actually, feel free to correct me on any of these, I only sat on a horse once and I was a kid so I don’t even remember it all that well).

We will always start with the lower speed to give the horse a chance to ease into the higher speed and calculate the distance they cover in 1 hr.

Walk + Trot: (6 × 4) + (12 × 4) = 24 + 48 = 72 km per 8 hr = 9 km/hr

Walk + Canter: 3 + 11 = 14 km/hr

Walk (0.1 km per min) + Gallop: 0.5 + 4 = 4.5 km per 5 min = 0.9 per min = 0.9 × 60 = 54 km/hr

Trot + Canter: 6 + 11 = 17 km/hr

Trot (0.2 km per min) + Gallop: 1 + 4 = 5 km per 5 min = 1 km/min = 60 km/hr

Canter (0.36 km per min) + Gallop: 1.8 + 4 = 5.8 km per 5 min = 1.6 km/min = 69.6 (nice) km/hr

(I am soooo regretting doing all these calculations. Pretty sure I fucked some of the calculations up so just think of these as guesstimates)

In conclusion:

Canter + Gallop will give an average of 69 km/hr.

A possible more reasonable choice: Trot + Gallop will give an average of 60 km/hr.

We will go pick Trot + Gallop to give the horse a break (sorta). Walk + Gallop is not accepted because, while 54 km/hr is not a bad number, it will be hard on the horse to change to super fast and then walk every 5 minutes.

Now then, before we continue, we would need to specify the distance Giovanni took. Now, it should be noted that the landscape we have today is not the same landscape they would have had during the 15th century. Not to mention, using Google Map’s bike/car directions makes you use roads that may or may not have existed during that time.

So let’s say that Giovanni is hurrying and doesn’t give a shit about the actual roads (or, he’s like me who sees a road and go “nah, we’re crossing this fucking wheat field, sorry NPCs, should have planted rice!”), this would cut down some km on his travel.

To do this in Google Map, you have to right-click on your starting point and click ‘Measure Distance’ instead of clicking ‘Directions’.

Now, using this feature, we have a rough estimate of the distance he traveled if he traveled straight. (Again, this is highly questionable but we’re giving Giovanni the advantage on this one just to give the lore a chance to make sense because Ubisoft certainly ain’t gonna do it)

Florence to Milan: approximately 237 km.

Milan to Venice: approximately 244 km.

Venice to Florence: approximately 128 km.

Using Trot + Gallop’s 60 km/hr would give us:

Florence to Milan: 3.95 hrs travel time.

Milan to Venice: 4 hrs travel time.

Venice to Florence: 2 hrs travel time.

In total: approximately 9.95 hrs travel time for Florence → Milan → Venice.

With these travel times, it can be argued that the horse did not need to take a break the entire time it was traveling (but this would be heavily advisable). If you wish to make the horse take a break (you should), add 1 hr for each.

Now, if we were being nice to the horse and don’t think Giovanni is a ‘some sacrifices must be made in the interest of time’ kind of asshole, we’ll use Trot + Canter’s 17 km/hr which will give us:

Florence to Milan: 13.9 hrs travel time.

Milan to Venice: 14.3 hrs travel time.

Venice to Florence: 7.5 hrs travel time.

In total: approximately 35.7 hrs travel time for Florence → Milan → Venice.

The horses need a break for all of these so I would suggest adding 1 or 2 hrs for each.

Ending Remarks:

Ubisoft made Giovanni Auditore a bad owner of horses to make him a cool Assassin. Also, horses go fast and should be treated with care and respect.

Things to consider:

It’s possible that it would have been faster to take a boat from Venice to Forli then travel to Florence like the reverse route Ezio used in AC2.

Giovanni can cut down his time even further by just letting the horse gallop the entire way and changing horses whenever he can. Of course, this doesn’t take into consideration the health and safety of the horses and the possibility that Giovanni will get a ‘bad’ horse when he changes horses.

[bcacstuff]

Something is strange about Sam's timeline of last weekend. We know he was in Santa Monica at 1pm California time last weekend. We know he was watching the fight on Friday night. So everyone assumes his 48 hours in Vegas was last Friday and Saturday. However it's a 5 hr drive from Vegas to SM. Did he really get up at 7am in Vegas, after a night at the concert and date, to load, drive to SM to be on time for the IG. He ciukd have flown, 30 min flight but checking in bef 1pm at SM hotel is also odd

Okay, trying to get this timeline explained myself.

First revisiting the discussion we had about that tv screen picture of the fight on Friday night. Assumed was that it was in a camper van, though some comments about it was that it could also be at a hotel or a gym. My initial impressions was also a gym because of the gear at the bottom of the pic. But a camper van seemed feasible too.

Now that we know he stayed at the Wynn in LV, it made me research it again and I found this picture of the gym at the Wynn

Bit zoomed in you can actually see the 'gear' or whatever it is at the bottom of his story pic. The part we assumed was the floor, is actually the wall as his pic was a bit tilted. And there are spotlight at the top. The white frame completes it for me.

So with this information we can be fairly sure he watched the game on Friday night, August 5, at the Wynn

Now don't go accusing me, see he wasn't on a camper van, you have no proof of that.. (oh well I'm sure you will). But don't dismiss his own picture at Zion, the fan pic in Wyoming, and on top of that the picnic pictures with camping essentials and the dog in it . (Yes that is a dog and not a blanket 🙄) It all clearly points to a road trip, and with the dog of KE in the mix and the camping gear the camper van is still the most reasonable way to do so.

As we know he was at the concert of John Legend, he can't have been there earlier.

It could not have been prior weekend Anon 2, as JL performed only on August 5 and 6. And before that only in April and May.

The picture we found them on was posted on August 7. I even looked at footage from a different angle, and more clear. (Unfortunately the wrong angle to get him with his date in the picture 🥲) You can see the ladies at the left of this picture

very clearly in this screenshot of a video taken from the other side

It was posted on August 7, a bunch of videos, all very good quality and the one that posted those also posted on August 7 this on his facebook page:

So finishing this post off, he (they) stayed Friday and Saturday night after the concert at the Wynn, as he said so himself in his post, 48 hours in LA. This time he was simply telling the truth. I assume, he flew the next morning early to LA in time for his live IG at Shutters seems the most reasonable explanation of his time line to me.

[justkenz]

I'm pretty sure I suffer from undiagnosed ADHD, and now with my finals coming up, I feel like I'm totally going to fail every single exam, and ruin my future. Just now while writing homework for a subject I'm deathly afraid of, I cried 4 times because I can't get myself to focus. I'm very panic-y, and in situations like this, it feels like my whole world is falling apart. I'm suffering, but when I ask for help, I'm told that I can only help myself. I don't know what to do or where to start. My HS-ending exams start in May. I don't have much time left.

Ugh, I am so sorry you are going through this! Let me be clear, yes there are things that you can do to help yourself, but you need someone to help you figure out what tools best suit your needs in order for you to be able to use the tools, does that make sense lol?

What I mean is yes there are things you can try on your own, research, etc, you can do to find things and tips for how to help in these situations, but it's also okay to ask for help! I never would have known about some of the tips or tricks, or resources, that can be available if I hadn't asked someone at the time.

In my opinion, everyone learns differently, and what might help one person might not help someone else, but here are a few things you could try when it comes to studying/doing homework:

Research tips and tricks that people with adhd use for studying, there is so much info on Instagram and tiktok !

Work in shorter time frames like 30 mins then a 10 min break, or an hour then a 15 min or 20 min break, find an interval that works for you. During your break, get up from your workstation, move your body, have a snack, reward your brain with something you like, etc, don't stay seated at your desk (if you can)

Use a notebook or a sticky notepad to write down thoughts that might come up during your studying, that way you address them, write them down and then save them for later. It's basically just so you can try and dump the not needed thoughts during the time you need to focus

Listen to instrumental or classical music (unless your brain can handle lyrics while studying), I know it might sound funny but this is something that I live by lol I don't know why but it helps my brain focus.

Be gentle with yourself, you are doing your best, and I can tell you are working really hard, so just be kind to yourself okay🤍

I know it can feel overwhelming and lonely, but I promise you are not alone and you got this! I'm cheering you on, and I hope all of your finals go great!

[tracybirds]

Please give me some ൠ for John 🙏

ൠ - random headcanon oooh okay thank you! Some = more than one to me sooooooo

He hasn't had time to read any new books since he was like 14, but he has an old paper copy of his favourites from back then that he'll snatch up and read a page or two when he's on Earth and can't sleep so the spine is creased and you can tell which bits bring him the most comfort and joy and catharsis (and and and) just by letting the story fall open of its own accord.

He has perfect pitch and it annoys Virgil to no end because Virgil had to work his butt off practising his aural skills to develop a semi reasonable relative pitch.

He shares an odd fondness for nautical history with Gordon, he likes being able to trace forgotten tales on the oceans below him.

He has a pretty steady group of space friends :D You kinda want to know who your neighbours are when you're [redacted] kilometres over the surface of the Earth. None of them are particularly people motivated as it were so they don't hang out constantly, but he's friendly with everyone on Global One and the International Space Research Center and things so he has a monthly virtual games night with them and when he's planetside, he'll sometimes go out and join them for a quiet beer and a movie.

He's useless at text-based messages, he wants to call or meet with people face-to-face or he simply won't bother. His inbox is a nightmare and Scott has a fit every time he gets a glimpse at it.

He LOVES the elevator because no matter what happens, he'll have a good 30 min of peace to collect himself while transitioning between home and the island.

Hope you enjoyed these :D

[lucysweatslove]

(Readmore because complaining/negative)

I shut down today right after classes and it was awful.

I don’t really know the whole chain of events that lead to it, but today was a very interactive 4 hours and as a Friday, everybody was really loud.

I was doing okay until we started research methods during the final two hours. I’m usually good with research methods, and the first hour’s topic wasn’t anything difficult at all, but I just felt… not right during it. The second hour was about ethical considerations which I’m also usually good with but the way this was structured and the doc leading the discussion… let’s just say that yesterday I had more than one person afterwards say something to me, after our class session, about how condescending he was towards me specifically.

Anyway we split into smaller groups during class again to discuss ethical considerations in a case (each group responsible for a different domain). During that I found I just couldn’t articulate myself well and felt progressively worse- like a nondescript worse. It was 31 people all talking at once and looking back I was getting way overstimulated but I couldn’t define that. After we discussed, we needed to “present” our considerations to the class (one spokesperson per group), and two of my group members tried to push me to talk. I basically refused.

I started getting annoyed when we started the big group discussion because I felt some major points were being missed. I left the room briefly to try to collect myself and regulate a little, and when I came back I tried to talk up. Ofc I basically got ignored by the doc again, which probably contributed to all of this too.

At the very end, another girl in my class made a wonderful and beautifully articulated point, which triggered everybody to snap their fingers, which triggered ME to snap internally because noise. Just tipped me over the edge and I became so over stimulated I started to tear up. Since it was at the end of the time, the doc gave his praise briefly and then dismissed us, so it was just getting louder and louder. I grabbed my ear plugs and put them in as I knew I was just getting worse.

At that point all I wanted to do was very stereotypically rock in my chair back and forth. Honestly I can’t even remember what I DID do other than text Rob I was staying for a little bit and then start looking something up on my laptop and try to distract myself long enough for everybody to filter out before I literally could not control it and I was crying. It took a solid 30 min before I could get up and turn off the lights and check my phone. Rob had texted me asking if I could stop by the store to grab dinner, so I knew in order for me to do THAT, I needed to be even more regulated. It took an additional hour before I could actually leave.

The grocery store we go to for little things is small and quiet enough usually, and it wasn’t bad at all today. But since I was there and I ran out of Bragg’s aminos for my tofu, I decided to look for it. There wasn’t a single facing for it, and I was torn between not getting any and possibly letting the tofu go bad, or getting regular soy sauce. I ended up getting soy sauce but then was full on sobbing in the car on the way home.

When I told rob what happened he asked if I thought maybe I was leaning into my diagnosis, because he doesn’t remember me coming home from work before saying I was overstimulated. He knew I had bad days and would cry after work, but those were bad days, not because it was “too loud.” I don’t think he was being rude about it, but was just making an observation that this seems to happen more since the diagnosis, and now instead of just having bad days, I become overstimulated. And I think it happens more now because I’m in med school, regularly around more people at once than I have been in well over a decade. And now that I have the proper words to describe what’s going on, I can better say that my bad days are because of the overstimulation rather than just say the day was bad.

I’m home and safe and regulating right now, but I hate this so much. Like sometimes I don’t mind the autism, can joke about it, can find parts of it good! But this part makes it so clear that it IS a disability too. And it’s so… obvious. When I’m shutting down like that, it’s not maskable. Yesterday somebody told me that they forgot I was autistic (I blamed my inability to read tone on my autism and they were all oh right I forgot), which says I generally do a decent enough job of masking that people around me don’t readily pick up on it. It’s not so much that I want to mask, but the stigma of it is real and masking / blending in is basically a requirement now for me to be in medicine. When I’m shut down, it becomes very apparent something is “different” about me, and everybody interprets it differently, and by and large it’s interpreted negatively.

Honestly I feel very much like I did during my rural clinic thing. If I’m having these issues now, how will I do later on? And then the thought spirals come. I’ll get through preclinical learning fine in terms of knowledge, but what about clerkships? We have required rotations in a very large city several hundred miles away. What do I do if I become overstimulated then but the docs don’t give a shit? What if I fail a clerkship because of it? Does this mean I can’t do well in patient care as a whole and will have to go diagnostic radiology or path? Will I even feel fulfilled doing that?

So now the crying has gone from overstimulation to thought spirals of a less desirable future.

I’m also salty that somehow I went undiagnosed for so long when I do clearly struggle. It’s a big reminder of how other people’s desire for me to be a specific way meant I am vastly delayed in getting to know the way I actually am. But that’s another topic for another day