#ALL of this to say. this initial plan was extremely complicated

[cloudinal]

CAT Birthday (1)!

Textless version for all of your textless needs

[transboyswitchytales]

'Get Lost in My Eyes'

“I used to think I was afraid of being lost, but then I realized I was afraid of who might find me.” ― Nenia Campbell, Raise the Blood

Part 1, 2

Request:

'Hi. I have a request

Agatha Harkness x Reader

Literally after recover her body, Agatha goes for a walk because she misses… well, her body so she takes advantage of the fact that Billy goes out with her boyfriend to take a walk around Eastview.

On her way out, Agatha's gaze connects with that of Reader who was passing by. Normally, Agatha didn't care but if Agatha didn't believe in love at first sight, she now believes it because after looking at you she couldn't look away and had to interact with Reader. Agatha's body moved only in the direction of Reader

Or

Agatha who has had no luck in love, only toxicity, falls in love at first sight for the first time in her long life as a witch

Thank you so much'

Soulmate Au / Love at First Sight Au / Fluff and Angst / Bit of gore / Witch power draining / Running from your past / Nicky mourning

Part 1

My Masterlist

Agatha was having a weird time with… walking. 

She’d just gotten a handle on floating, being a ghost that is. 

Being in a body after being a ghost was a strange feeling, to say the least. 

Agatha was standing in Eastview at a park. Laughter from children playing and people having a gay old time with their stupid mortal lives. It was all so….normal?

Agatha had walked here after Billy had told her he was going on a date. The two of them really needed some space and boundaries. Lots of boundaries needed to happen. 

 Agatha was ashamed to say she wasn’t sure what to do with herself for the first time in centuries.

There was no power to fight for, she had power again. No son to try and steal time for, kill for. No Rio to fear, fuck, of fight. The three f’s that went with her ex.

 Which was best, while she’s always loved Rio. She could never be with Rio ever again. 

So Rio stood in a park. Feeling more lost than ever before. 

 It was the middle of spring, a rather hot day for the time of year. 

The ancient witch grew irritated as a yellow toy flew through the air.

 There was some dumb ass twink throwing a frisby for an ugly little dog.

Agatha was wearing her boots. Which was nice since they were familiar, old runes carved in the seams. Her clothes were the same as well… and yet her body just felt different. Everything felt different.  

Agatha had not told Billy about her future plans. Because she wasn’t sure what they really were yet. Yet.

But only three days being back in one’s body was overwhelming; a purpose would come to her, right?

Agatha had taken a turn on a dirt path to walk. Not wanting to be around people. Yuck even the word was gross.  

So when she felt magic being cast, her body initially went into a state of panic. Call it PTSD from the road or perhaps the lingering sting of the hex, Scarlet Witch was truly an experience. 

But when Agatha saw it was…purple? Like her purple? That was truly the strange part. Agatha walked off the path following the buzz of magic until she found a gorgeous river and a rather stunning…witch.

Not just any witch, an extremely powerful, breathtaking witch. Agatha watched the way your hair framed your face the sunlight hitting it and all the colors that reflected on your strands, the cute little scar you had. 

Your eyes were closed as you were casting a spell. It was complicated Agatha knew it was, she couldn’t explain why she did. But you were working hard.

But devine goddess, Agatha wanted you to open your eyes to see the color of your irises. She longed to know more about you. 

But that scared her more than words could say. 

For fuck sake, she needed you to keep your eyes closed. This moment lasts longer. You were oblivious to Agatha Harkness witch killer, just ten feet away. Agatha, not for the first time, wished her name didn’t hold so much….blood?

But Agatha’s heart beat sped up. She felt more in her body than she’d been since returning to her solid form.

The magic smelled of lilies of the valley, burnt firewood, and pine. And something so distinctly Nicky that it made Agatha confused. 

Agatha held her breath as your hair fell into your face, tickling your nose. Oh, to be close to you. Agatha could think of nothing more decadent than to move the strand with her fingers behind your ear. 

You sat crisscrossed, barefoot, rings on your fingers as they worked in the air, weaving the magic. 

There was a little RV behind her, it was new in the 80’s maybe. Now it was retro and well-loved. Stickers on the windows. Agatha made out prayer flags in the back window and a tapestry inside that had a huge lavender pentacle. The soft noise of a windchime sounded in the air, it twinkled over the rushing water hitting the rocks.   

Agatha’s eyes fell back to you, like a magnet. An invisible string, the pull is unreliable. Yet it didn’t hurt. Agatha had been so used to hurting Rio and her mother. Loving Nicky as he grew sick. 

Her bones felt like they wanted to move closer, but she kept her distance, afraid to break your concentration. Agatha didn’t know how you’d take a person staring so deeply. 

But fate stepped in, as she often did.

Agatha would swear years later that Nicky was behind it all, that he’d pushed you two together. 

But the creature that did the work today, she cursed in this moment, was a certain rabbit, who jumped out of the RV and hopped towards Agatha.

Agatha’s familiar, falling onto the rocks to pick the rabbit up. She’d been worried when Billy couldn’t find him. Her heart ached for the fuzzy guy. 

“Senior Scratchy?” A gorgeous voice asked. 

Agatha eyes snapped up after scooping up her familiar to see you walking closer. Agatha held her breath. Oh, Lilith’s breath, your eyes were her new favorite color. 

“He doesn’t usually like people.” You say, and Agatha is too stunned to speak. 

Agatha had never heard a smoother, sweeter voice. She decided then and there that she’d listen to you read the warnings on drinking bleach as long as she could hear you speak.

You stared at Agatha, and she didn’t make a noise, not even of acknowledgement. Agatha was thankful you spoke again so it wasn’t too awkward. She was trying to figure out what in the world you said when you met an angel?

“You two must be kindred spirits.” You smile at Agatha, who is not sure where her own voice has gone. Has never experienced a smile like that. Her knees go momentarily weak. 

“Are you from around here?” You continue the one-sided conversation, and Agatha shakes her head, and you look more confused. Stepping closer, Agatha doesn’t release the rabbit, and you don’t break them up. 

Agatha can smell you now, your perfume or is it just you? She tries not to sniff you like an animal. 

Your head falls to the side and Agatha is trying her best to breathe. But how can you be cute and sexy and powerful and and and what the hell? Agatha tries so hard to snap to attention. 

“Are you..I hope this doesn’t offend you. Are you ok? I mean, you look a little… lost?” You tell Agatha, who has never heard truer words. 

Though now that she looks at you, she’s not sure she is lost anymore.

“You don’t talk much huh? Let’s start here,” you held out your hand, and the witches blue eyes dropped down to study it. She recognized the rings, one had tigers eye, another celtic runes, a few moons, but one of them was an old Salem sign. One Agatha hadn’t seen in lifetime. 

Licking her lips, she held the bunny in one arm and couldn’t help herself, she wanted to touch your skin. Just once, just to say she’d touched something heavenly. 

Your hands met, and both of you looked down at the electric feeling. Both experiencing hair raising on your arms. Agatha was quick to retract her hand. 

“Agnes.” She lied. You blinked once, twice, and then the bunny made a little noise. And Harkness swore then and there she’d never give her familiar another treat as long as he lived. 

You looked down and listened to Agatha’s familiar. Smiling softly at the creature. 

“What is that senior scratchy? Huh…Um this boy says your name is..Agatha?” You correct her. And the older witch gulps. But you don’t take offense to her lie. 

“People here called me Agnes.” Agatha tries at an attempt to clarify. 

The moment stays between the two of you. 

Agatha doesn’t know what to do. She just knows that she can’t leave the spot that. She just wants to be in whatever room you are in for as long as she can.  

Agatha is relieved when you keep talking to her.

“Well, I personally think Agatha suits you much better. There was a famous witch who was called that. Seriously, misunderstood, amazing witch…Well, anyway, um, I like Agatha, but I’ll call you whatever you want. Do you have a preference?” You ask her so sweetly that the witch in her new body is floored. 

“Agatha, I prefer Agatha actually.” She says, and you grin at her again. And Agatha doesn’t know why or how you are looking at her like that, but she’ll do whatever she can to see you do it again. 

“Well, Agatha Senior Scratchy is an amazing judge of character. So a friend of his is a friend of mine. I don’t know if you have plans..but I was about to make dinner. And if you are lost, which something tells me you might be. Do you wanna, I don’t know have dinner with me?”

Agatha took a breath, and she tried to count to five before immediately saying yes and seeming entirely too eager. But you panicked by four and Agatha didn’t like that. 

“You don’t have to-”

“No, no I would like that.” Agatha said, and you smiled at her relieved. Agatha smiled back and she wasn’t sure the last time she gave someone a genuine grin…but it made her face hurt. 

You cooked for Agatha that night. And the conversation flowed so easily. Easier than Agatha had ever experienced. It was strange how at ease you put her, and yet so in her body she felt with you. 

Agatha’s magic sparkled under her skin, itching to play with yours. Agatha asked questions about your life. Senior Scratchy nibbled on lettuce as the two of you ate and laughed at each other's stories. 

Watching the sunset together, not knowing it would be the first of many sunsets together. That was the funny thing about fate. 

Agatha put her hands over the small campfire you’d built. The spring nights were chilly, and the two witches didn’t seem to mind. 

The rabbit jumped onto Agatha’s lap, and you were looking up at the night sky. A small lull in the conversation that hadn’t happened yet. 

A comfortable silence nonetheless, something that only comes with two souls knowing each other. 

Agatha stared at you as you gazed into the sky. 

Both of you are holding mugs of tea that you’d made earlier. Agatha had been un-surprised when it had been her favorite flavor. It seemed she was in an alternate dimension, perhaps she hadn’t gotten her body back. Maybe this was a cruel trick of fate. Rio must have made a deal with someone to torment her. 

But as she sipped the tea and heard the crickets in the night, she couldn’t be sure it wasn’t all really happening. 

“Agatha?” You broke her thoughts now, but didn’t look at her, you were making love to the moon with your eyes.  

“Yes?”

Agatha had never seen anyone pay tribute to the moon the way you were in this moment. It was like you were getting strength from her. And she quickly realized why. 

“I know you don’t want to tell me everything, you are sorta keeping a lot to yourself… I mean you are telling me things about you…but not the stuff you are afraid to… I mean, I guess, I know you're a witch, of course. I know you aren’t as old as you look. I don’t need to know it all right now. That’s really ok. I like talking to you a lot. I feel safe with you, and that hasn’t happened in a long time. I think you are funny and witty. Even though you think you are being sarcastic and perhaps a realist. I think it’s all a facade, and you are a big mush. Senior Scratchy doesn’t lie. All of that is..well. I guess I wanted to know, do you want to get lost with me..for a while?” You offered, and at the end, you looked at Agatha. 

The wind moved her dark hair lightly. Like it was pushing her towards you. Urging her to jump two feet in love.

“You don’t even know me,” Agatha answered like it was silly of you. 

“You are a covenless witch. I’m not asking to be your coven. I don’t need a teacher or even a protector. It’s not why I’m asking.” You say, and Agatha feels like a thing too good to be true, always is. 

“So what do you want?”

“Nothing from you.” You say simply, and Agatha isn’t sure she’s ever heard anything so romantic in her whole life. 

“You don’t want anything.” She repeats. 

“No, I’m not asking for your life story. Or trying to win something or steal something. I think I would just like your company. But if that isn’t a fair trade for my own, I understand that, too.” The last part is said sadly. 

Agatha gazes at you and then turns to look at your RV. 

“Will you be leaving soon?” She is angry at how needy she sounds. But you look up at the moon. 

“Not until she tells me to. But my invitation isn’t while I’m in the area. I’m asking if you want to come with me.” You tell the witch seriously. 

“What if I tell you something about myself..and you change your mind?” Agatha tries. 

“What if you change your mind?” You counter now and Agatha bristles, like that was ridiculous. 

“It isn’t a contract. If you get bored of my stories, or are tired of how I make tea. Or more realistically, the vagabond living thing is not your thing…Well then, we’ll talk then. But for now, do you want to get lost for a while?” You offer again, and Agatha looks conflicted.

“You don’t have to answer now, but I do ask you to answer for yourself, not for what you think I want to hear. I suppose whatever we do in this long life, we get a lot of chances. And we also get a lot of firsts. So perhaps this will be the first time you make a decision for just you.” You say, and then look back at the moon. 

Agatha couldn’t believe it. 

That had been two years ago. 

And now she was standing in a new state once again. You were walking over to Agatha, and when you met up with her, you kissed her. Agatha loved this, she loved you. But she hadn’t told you yet. 

It was an accident, a freak accident, that she was constantly amazed by you. 

You’d just hiked to the nearest town to drop off a letter Agatha had written for Billy. Now you were back, and Agatha was relieved. She’d always been nervous when the two of you parted. 

So now that you were back, she could breathe again. Sorta like how she’d learned how to breathe again the second she saw you in the middle of a creek in spring. 

“Aggie?”

“Hmm, baby?” Agatha realized she’d been zoning out again, and you were bringing her back softly into the embrace. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” You gently offered, and Agatha loved that you never pushed her about her demons. You supported her through the nightmares, held her hand on Nicky's birthday when Agatha demanded on picking wildflowers. And never got mad at Agatha when she got snarky. It was like you knew it was an act. That Agatha was scared and trying to start a fight. 

You two were yin and yang. 

You didn’t rise to take the bait. Only gave Aggie space and time to figure out what she needed.

Agatha was standing in the forest deep in thought, and your arms stayed around her waist.

Agatha played with the ends of your hair and decided what to say.

“You’ve never asked me my last name.” She decides. 

“No, I didn’t.” You agree and leave it at that. Agatha understands without asking, you don’t need to know. You aren’t worried about what she’d done, only if she chose to be with you today. 

Today was a powerful thing. 

You both traveled everywhere in that stupid RV. 

Until it broke down in the south, and you were flustered. More flustered than Agatha had seen you in a while. Smoke pillowing out of the hood. As you coughed away.

“My love, it’s all gonna be ok. We’ll just-” Agatha tried to soothe you, and you didn’t let her. 

“It’s the engine block, we are so fucked. Oh fuck oh fuck-”

“Baby-” Agatha tried putting her hands on your arms, but you were shaking and she was getting worried. She looked at you, concerned, and you didn’t need to speak, a new thing between the two of you. 

“Aggie, this isn’t a good place to break down. I was..I was hunted here a long time ago. And I don’t want-fuck.” You tried, and Agatha pulled your body into hers and hugged you tight. 

“I’m not leaving you here, sweetheart. We can walk to the nearest town and get a tow. Or steal a new RV. Whatever we do, no one is going to hurt you. You trust me?” Aggie pulled back so that her eyes bore into yours, and you nodded.

It was painfully hot as you both walked in the sun. Agatha complained in indecent ways to try and make you laugh. She even let you hold Senior Scratchy so that you didn’t get too anxious. 

When you found a diner, you both walked like you’d walked the entire Sahara. Barging in the locals eyed you strangely. 

“No pets.” The waitress who reeked of BO told you. 

“Aggie..” You whispered, but she took her familiar out of your hands. Whispering to the bunny to stay close but out of sight. Opening the door, she let the rabbit run off. 

“It’ll be fine, Angel. We’ll get some food, and then find a mechanic.” Agatha told you, but the hair on the back of her neck was standing up. This was weird, she agreed. 

The waitress pointed to the far booth, and Agatha pushed your lower back and sat you with your back to the door. And she sat opposite so that neither of you had a blind spot. 

“I’m not feeling good about this.” You leaned across the sticky table to say to her. 

It didn’t take long for trouble to find your booth, it seemed. Two hags walked up to your table and stopped. 

“Can we help you?” You ask and Agatha finds it interesting how even in a horrible place like this you can still come across friendly if not uneasy. But they don’t respond in any kindness. 

“You with her.” The hag on the left asks you. 

“Yes, I am.” You answer, and Agatha tries not to feel pride at how quick you are. Neither of you had ever put a label on it.

 But it was love.   

“Fucking witch killer. Harkness, you ain’t got no business in these parts.” The hag on the right says, and Agatha’s body grows tense. She doesn’t look at the old witches, she turns to look at you. Agatha grows nauseous, this was the end of her great love story, it seemed. In a hillbillly diner in the middle of nowhere. She was about to lose the best love she’s ever felt. 

But you don’t bat an eyelash, and Agatha is further confused. 

“We don’t want trouble. We’re just hungry. We’ll eat, pay, and then leave. You’ll never see us again.” You offer, and Agatha tries not to take hope in the fact that you haven’t run away, and used the term ‘we.’ 

“You killed my sister’s whole coven.” The old crone on the left said. Then she raised her hand to cast a bit of yellow from her fingers. But you were faster and you took the water cup, throwing it in the witch on the left to distract her. Before thundering your purple at the dirty casting witch. She flew backwards and her hand turned grey power leaving her body. 

The witch on the left was screaming as you were quick to cast the water to burn like acid. The two cried out, and a younger witch was sprinting towards the booth. You didn’t see the coven member, your back as to the door. 

Agatha was fast, though; her own purple splintered like a vine out and bound the younger witchling. Sort of like an anacado. Squeezing her until she erupted, and blood went everywhere.

“We are not going to eat here.” You say lamely as you both pop up from the booth and head towards the door. 

Agatha has a hand on your back, and it grounds you both. You are about to open the door when Agatha’s head whips around, hearing someone coming in from the back. 

The witch came forward and cast her powers to kill Agatha. It hit her hard, and you screamed out. 

The rays of magic that were hitting Agatha were pink..Until she sighed, her head falling back, and then the purple erupted like mist. Just as quickly as it started, it ended. 

Agatha did what she did best, draining the witch of her powers, and the corpse fell shriveled. Just like Alice and Agatha’s horrid mother. Like she’d done to thousands of witches over the years. 

But this, time, Agatha felt real fear. Turning quickly to look at you, what she hadn’t expected was for you to grab her hand. 

“I got you baby. Come on we gotta find our boy and run before more come, ok?” You say, and you aren’t scared of Agatha. 

But the two of you sprint out of the diner, out of the town, and out into the middle of nowhere. 

Stopping when neither of you can run anymore. You are almost having an asthma attack, and Agatha can’t wait for you both to catch your breath she grabs you and her hands trail over your arms and torso. 

“I’m fine, Agatha.” You tell he,r and she grabs your face. 

“How long did you know?”

“What?” You say confused.

“Did you know the first time we met? Answer me!” Agatha shouts at you, and you flinch. She wasn’t your lover in this moment. 

“Agatha, I didn’t know who you were. I’d heard stories about Agatha Harkness, but I didn’t know it was you. I was born in Salem, of course, there were stories. I didn’t betray you. I didn’t know it was you!” You repeat, and Agatha releases you and she shakes her head, stepping back. 

“Tell me the truth.”

“When you found me in the middle of the woods I was casting a spell.” You say and Agatha nods once for you to continue. 

“I remember.”

“But you never asked what I was casting. Isn’t that weird? We’ve talked about everything but our past and what I cast that day. You never once asked!” You shout back, and Agatha feels her body grow cold. You’d never yelled at Agatha. 

This argument feels long overdue. 

“What did you do?” 

“I cast a spell, I asked for my soulmate. I didn’t actually believe it was real, Agatha! I thought I was going to find another animal a-a familiar, or it wouldn’t work at all! I cast a spell asking for her to come to me. I begged for you. I asked the moon for you. I wanted you so bad. I didn’t know who you were, though. And I didn’t manipulate you with magic, I know that’s what you are thinking!” You spat throwing your hands in the air like it was humiliating. 

“Soulmates, that is the biggest load of shit I’ve ever heard!” Agatha yells at you and she see’s the hurt flood into you. 

“I was lost, and you were lost. And then we weren’t. How do you expain it? How do you explain that both our magic is purple! The same smell and shade! How do you explain that your familiar became mine? And you- in that diner, you syphoned their magic! Right? I used to do that! You know what they called me growing up in Salem? Harkness’s Harlot! Because I killed witches the same way you did! Only I didn’t know and I was..fuck ya know what? Fuck you Agatha Harkness! You don’t want to believe in soulmates, to believe in me? So be it! Forget me then! Go back to your life on the run! We may have been vagabonds traveling, but we weren’t lost! We were home to each other!” You scream into the wood, and Agatha just glares at you. She’s so pissed. “Have a nice life, soulmate.” You say and walk in the opposite direction. 

Agatha doesn’t follow you. 

Agatha stands there unable to move. 

The day quickly becomes night. 

Agatha still doesn’t move an inch. 

Mosquitoes are sitting on her left hand, and she can’t swat at it. 

Did she just lose you? 

Continue reading ?

[ceaselesswatchersspecialboy]

Do the twins ever get attached to stanfraud? Does bill get attached to them too? what is their relationship like? and what is their immediate reaction to finding out everything was a lie -- first impressions? GAAHH I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS i'm ur biggest fan bro

Thank you so much!! It really means a lot that people are enjoying my madness this much!

It’s funny because earlier I was actually doodling him and the twins!

He absolutely gets attached and they get attached in return. While their initial introduction to him is very rocky, they come to enjoy his quirks and unusual interests, especially once Dipper puts together he was the author, and he regularly supervises them on adventures, mainly because Stan asked him too, but also because it’s strangely fun. He will repeatedly claim he hasn’t gone soft to Stan, but then Stan will find him fast asleep with the twins curled up against him, or he’ll catch him helping the twins in their respective Dipper and Mabel’s guide videos. He also likes Mabel Juice! Mabel won’t take his suggestion of adding eyeballs though. Alas.

His feelings towards them are made complicated by his own denial. He doesn’t like the idea that he’s changed much at all, and these new doubts he’s experiencing about his original plans are not thoughts he’s willing to entertain for long. He gets snappy when Stan tries to reassure him it’s okay that he cares, because he doesn’t care, he’s just… playing a role. That’s all. It’s all one big lie. He can do lies. But that doesn’t really explain the genuine panic he experiences when Dipper and Mabel are in danger, and how quickly he jumps in to protect them nor does it explain the fuzzy feeling in his chest when Mabel knits him a sweater.

He’s not the same as he was thirty years ago. That’s a fact. And thirty years was once just a blip for him, but this has felt like he’s lived a whole new life.

And on the flip side, Dipper and Mabel care a lot too. He’s off-putting and he’s strange and he says some things that imply he may have committed murder and gotten away with it, but they like being around him. It isn’t always perfect, same as it is with Stan, but the rougher patches don’t tend to last, and they reconcile by the end of the day (although, Bill is usually incapable of saying sorry verbally and shows his apology through actions instead).

Dipper for one hasn’t really had anyone he can just ramble about nerd stuff with. Bill can actually keep up with Dipper, and they both find themselves enjoying the debate they have about inter dimensional travel, or what sort of haunting would be the most annoying to deal with. Dipper does sometimes catch his uncle looking at him strangely though, almost as though he’s seeing right through Dipper and looking at someone else, but he blinks and the odd look is gone, so he must have imagined it.

Bill does sometimes push Dipper’s buttons, of course, and never gives him direct answers, usually making him look for the answer himself, or read between the lines, which Dipper comes to appreciate as it, so he claims, trains his mind for mysteries. They have a very fun back and forth, honestly. Dipper thinks Stanfraud is the coolest despite all the annoyances, and he really does try his best to impress him.

Mabel meanwhile is just her usual bundle of energy, and charms her great uncle by involving him in her unhinged hijinks, and showing him the art of glitter bombing. She meets him where he’s at! Even though he can sometimes be a little extreme, even for her, she pushes herself out of her comfort zone, mainly because of what Stan told her, about how Ford lost his mind while alone. Well, she can’t have that! She makes a real effort trying to understand him, and why he thinks the way he does.

He also weirdly gives her some good advice whenever Pacifica tries to bring her down, and Mabel is both comforted and inspired by how weird he is, even in his old age. He never lets anyone shame him out of it, and he encourages Mabel to just “Be weird! Your fleshbag life is short! Why waste it caring what lesser skin puppets think?”

Bill unknowingly allows both Dipper and Mabel to feel more comfortable in themselves because of how unapologetically ‘him’ he is.

Sorry if this is messy, by the way, I’m just writing my thoughts as I go along.

Anywho, I think all of this makes finding out everything was a lie very hard hitting for them. Mabel tries to rationalise it, that sure, maybe he wasn’t really their Grunkle, but he still loved them like he was, and they loved him like a Grunkle, meanwhile Dipper reacts very negatively, because he really thought he had found someone like him, someone he confided a lot in, and now he thinks he made the wrong choice, that he was an idiot.

And Stan lied too. He admits the biggest mistake he made was not telling them, but it’s too late for that now.

The one bright side, if you can call it that, is Stan and Bill do tell them before they get Ford back. They think they’ve finally found the way to do it, and Stan wants the kids to know before they try it, give them time to process.

Okay I’ll end there for now! Thank you so much again!

[weaselandfriends]

do you know of anything with a similar "clockwork storytelling" style of plot development that you used to described act 5 in hymnstokes?

I'm glad you asked this, because this is a concept I've kept in my mind for a long time.

The most obvious well-known examples of clockwork storytelling that come to mind are the films of Edgar Wright, with Hot Fuzz in particular standing out. Edgar Wright's style is that every detail and line of dialogue, no matter how seemingly inconsequential, comes back later to mean something more than it initially seemed. There is no wasted space, nothing extraneous or unneeded. It is all extremely tight and extremely satisfying to see play out.

Film in general, having significant restraints in terms of length, is often subject to this style, though at differing levels of complexity. What is so exciting about Act 5 of Homestuck is that it manages this style while juggling a zillion different characters and plot threads, so when the pieces all slot together it has the sprawling sense of a symphony with hundreds of individual performers working together at once. But I would argue that even something like, say, most Pixar films follow an ethos of extremely tight plotting with minimal extraneous elements. Pixar operates at a smaller scale, so it doesn't overwhelm with magnitude the way Homestuck does, but it still creates that feeling of satisfaction via structural perfection.

Another good example is Rick & Morty. Dan Harmon is an Edgar Wrightian who has his own personal "hero cycle"-style plot structure he likes to stick to, and that level of plotting is on display in most episodes of the first few seasons of the show. What makes R&M an interesting example, though, is the intrusion of Justin Roiland's influence. Roiland is like, a dumbass stoner whose storytelling ethos seems to be to adlib goofy noises into a mic, which is completely at odds with Harmon, but it complicates the otherwise simplistic story template and wound up creating some of the show's most quotable moments (wubba lubba dub dub).

I like works that fuse intricate and satisfying plotting with bizarre and difficult-to-grasp or even contradictory aesthetic decisions like that. My two favorite anime, Puella Magi Madoka Magica and Blood-C, both fall into that camp, and both times it's due to the utterly opposite aesthetic dispositions of the show's respective directors and writers. Madoka, for instance, balances Gen Urobuchi's tight, almost mathematical plotting (the show has a major plot development nearly every 3 episodes on the dot) with Akiyuki Shinbo's surreal and eccentric visual style. The visuals wind up complicating what would otherwise be a perfectly-composed but possibly quite dry narrative. Blood-C, a less well-known show, similarly combines a rather simple narrative by CLAMP -- where every event and line of dialogue gestures toward a major twist revealed at the end of the show -- with a manic, sleazy gorefiendery from Tsutomu Mizushima, the director of Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro-chan.

When it comes to clockwork narratives at the scale of Homestuck, it's harder to find examples. Of course, Homestuck is itself faking being a clockwork narrative, which I think I talked about in my old Hymnstoke posts. Homestuck's style is to simply toss out so many details that even by calling back to only a third of them it creates the impression via volume alone that it was all planned out and deliberate. A great example is John's toy chest. It contains some items like the Sassacre book that have a recurring purpose in the narrative, some items like the trick handcuffs that have one notable callback use (when John's Dad escapes captivity using them), and some items that only briefly reappear in the background of later panels. It also contains one item, the fake blood capsules, that never show up again (at least John's fake blood capsules don't; there are some fake blood capsules used by Dave's Bro during the whole puppet Saw misadventure). Hussie has only really meaningfully called back to a few of these details, but has created the impression he has called back to a lot of them, because there are simply so many.

In reality, Homestuck, even Act 5 Homestuck, is laden with extraneous and useless details. Most of the trolls are useless, which is why so many of them are glibly killed off. I used to think the only truly important troll to the narrative was Vriska, and by extension any troll that was important to Vriska, such as Terezi. Now, though, I realize that Vriska's breaking-the-game-for-personal-satisfaction shtick was hijacking Rose's whole bit. Rose was constantly seeking ways to break the game or exploit its boundaries. This ultimately culminates in nothing. Rose goes "grimdark," a completely meaningless state that causes her to be goth for a scene or two, and then that's over with and she becomes an essentially ancillary character for the rest of the story, useful only for a few bits of exposition. Even if we ignore the Act 6 part of that, it's a completely pointless set up with no payoff. Rose questioning the game and trying to break it leads nowhere. All the important game breaking is done by Vriska.

I think you could easily do a troll-less rewrite of Homestuck where the only major difference is that Rose is the one who creates Bec Noir instead of Vriska. It's true that the trolls frequently give the kids exposition that guides their actions, but the story has so many sources of exposition -- the sprites, random writing on their planets, Doc Scratch, their own future selves -- that you could easily fill the gaps they leave. That's the other way Hussie fakes a deliberate and satisfying clockwork narrative: redundancy. Hussie can have 100 characters who all "feel" like that have a role because many characters are all basically doing the same thing. I think I once said, in a spiel about database-driven storytelling, that Hussie wrote similar to how he coded. If you ever looked at the HTML of the old MSPA site, I might have been more right than I knew...

This all probably sounds quite harsh on Homestuck, but I think even creating this illusion of unity at such a large scale is impressive. Compare to a lot of the long-running shounen, which accumulate hundreds of characters who are relevant for their introductory arc and then become part of an increasingly gigantic crowd of tagalongs who are lucky if they even get to say a line now and then to remind the audience they exist. Hussie used the (at the time) brand new concept of the "meme" to accomplish a lot of this aesthetic clockworkery. The most common callbacks in Homestuck, after all, are repeated lines from Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. The redundancy in characters and details helped the work's internal meme language because memes tend to disperse by being templatized and reused in a variety of similar-but-different contexts. In a normal story, you might see stairs several times, and not think anything of it. But in Homestuck, the concept of "stairs" is memetically meaningful. If stairs show up, you better be sure you'll soon get a memetic callback. A bunny? There's a bunny? Oh shit. You better put it back in the box. In this paradigm, a character being similar to another character, almost to the point of redundancy (i.e. Dave and Davesprite and Dirk), is aesthetically unifying, rather than pointlessly promulgating.

[witchofthesouls]

I like thinking about humans-into-Cybertronians because of the weird, alien fuckery along with ex-humans making connections to certain things because it's the closest approximation they have.

Imagine if 'running on fumes' is a literal statement among Cybertronians. As their tanks run near empty, there's a petroleum-like taste that lingers in their sinuses and, if left long enough, cycles out of their vents. That's why Cybertronians typically don't like hanging around gas stations because it's a really stark reminder of long-term starvation. Meanwhile, you got an ex-human going like, "Man, I'm starting to taste gas, so I need gas. Huh, y'all have built-in reminders to feed yourself outside of hunger pains? That's neat."

As well as the ex-humans misdiagnosing themselves. Let's take Cybertronian carriage. Humans are used to a pregnancy that completes its course in a designated organ (aka womb), so finding out a mecha had straight up knocked them up that bypassed the initial spark-to-spark teether formation wouldn't freak them out in the ways that a lot of Cybertronians would be really concerned about. Especially the medics and said partner(s).

Ex-human crying over the sonogram because they got told it's a very high-risk pregnancy and all they see is the coming baby is very deformed since it's only a ball within a ball of green soup and silver tendrils. Partner is highly confused yet attempts comforting in varying levels of success.

Cybertronian medic needs to explain that the sparklet is healthy, but ex-human really needs to watch themselves because the entire process will be done within the gestational chamber and goes deep into explaining the complications that can happen.

Partner is absolutely riveted by all the gravity of the matter since the strain of having a full-carriage that initialized in the chamber can put the carrier in danger as there can be coding conflicting with priorities that rends said carrier unconscious or wrecks health complications, especially since there's a high-chance of the newspark not fully detaching from their carrier's spark as the dropping process ensures.

Ex-human that comes from a species where a pregnancy is like getting into a moderate crash, so damage varies each time is happy that they haven't fucked up badly yet and can plan a baby shower. "By the way, when's the due date?"

Medic: "Hard to say with the carriage combined, but it's more in the primary initialization stage. The sparklet's still has a visible, if a bit thin, teether to your spark, and a solid mass hasn't formed yet."

Ex-human: "Okay, so how long?"Medic says incomprehensible length of time for an Earth child and how it can vary.

*Confused ex-human noises over the several human lifetimes is the equivalent of a span to a Cybertronian carriage. And how multiple factors can impact the timeframe.*

*Confused Medic noises out of sheer concern over ex-human's family history, especially over the fact they have extremely and highly dangerously short carriages.*

*Confused partner noises on why their love wants to plan a bathtime for the newspark at this moment, and wonders if ex-human knows that water and infant Cybertronians do not mix.*

Or, another thing. What if the dropping process where the sparklet detaches from the carrier's spark to descend into the gestational chamber below to build its frame has very 'classic'** heart symptoms in a human body?

(** Quick heads up, much of human biology and modern medical understanding derives from male biology. Unfortunately, women usually see atypical symptoms that are more subtle, moderate rather than severe pain/discomfort, or pain in other other locations rather than the chest.)

Ex-human has sudden, excruciatingly chest pain, insides literally quivering and shifting in sync with the bursts. Meanwhile, everyone around them is calm, trying to soothe them, and they think they're honestly dying so fast because there's no rush to the nearby hospital, and everyone is pushing comfort-it's okay-we got you at them.

[megabuild]

hey megabuild can you elaborate on the complicated feelings re: bdubs apologizing to tango thing because I too have feelings about it that are complicated and i either need you to confirm I'm insane, confirm I'm not insane or make my insanity feel more enabled

(cracks my knuckles loudly and uncomfortably) the number one c!bdubs defender has logged on for another take hated by all

i think the most key thing to take away from this interaction is not that bdubs is being manipulative and dishonest but that it very clearly lays out the main issues with tuff guys' ability to function, that is, they all have different goals and ideals of what an alliance should function as, but also they have far too much baggage and history that they are all either unable to or unwilling to move on from.

looking at this conversation and taking it at face value- that is, bdubs went in with the intent to manipulate and lie, and then immediately caved when called out- is extremely uncharitable at best when similar behaviours from other players (such as scar) is often handwaved away as them playing the game correctly or exhibiting trauma responses. why these players are afforded such leniency while bdubs never is.. well, that's simply a mystery because i can't think of anything that immediately and obviously might set bdubs aside from the majority of his peers (hint: there is.). this coupled with the fact that bdubs has spent the first two sessions making genuine, if extremely flawed attempts at communication and problem-solving (see: horse discourse, which DID actually work though only after etho defused and approached it on his own terms, and the formation of tuff guys, which is an extremely flawed plot but also tackles the main issues at the core of the alliance- etho's commitment issues, tango's fear of betrayal, and bdubs' reputation) and i find it extremely difficult to believe that this conversation is entirely made up to gain some sort of leverage, because by saying that one must imply that retroactively both of those prior conversations were also probably in part manipulation- at which point we're painting bdubs as a multi-session plotting mastermind and that's just not who he is.

reading over the transcript there's a few key points that i think are really important-

bdubs comments that he's truly apologising, because he apologises in last life (poorly, but still) right after the matter, saying "he's sorry, but he had to". not in any way justifying his treatment of tango in last life, because moments before he also calls him fodder, but this gives us some insight into what bdubs is thinking- that is, it is likely he DOES feel genuinely bad about tango, or at least is able to acknowledge that they need to resolve their prior conflicts if they have any hope of succeeding. otherwise, there is little point in bringing such conflict to the forefront of tango's mind; that's manipulating him in the wrong direction by reminding him of his past traumas and giving him more ammo against bdubs. strategically i cannot understand why he would do this (outside of from a creator standpoint having more drama to mess with, because cc!bdubs is known for this, but if i get into the very murky territory between cc and c here it'll stretch everything out a million miles longer).

bdubs also barely gets a chance to defend himself after his initial apology is not accepted- tango is the one who builds up a "self reflection hole", both immediately dismiss it as manipulation (they are the first ones to suggest this, not bdubs!), and they pick on small tells such as him not having his head down and smiling as proof that he isn't genuine. indeed, when bdubs goes into the hole he asks them to come up with a plan since he won't be leading them, and tango openly laughs at them, signalling to Me that there was never any chance of genuine communication; tango has already made his mind up from the get-go that this is bdubs fucking with him and is unwilling to take it any further. (the phrase "i'm not going to perform my rock bottom for you for the sake of being believed" comes to mind.) it's only after this sentiment is echoed (more unsurely) by etho that bdubs gives up. at no point does bdubs add anything of his own to the conversation past this, he only agrees with what tango and etho are saying about him. with his attempt at communication having failed he defers to "yes and"-ing all the negative things they are saying about him. when bdubs has just spent most of secret life imo proving that he doesn't need to be dependent on others after being dismissed as such for multiple seasons, i think that immediate rejection of his independence and ability to stand up for himself must sting, a lot.

I know they're his teammates but jesus christ he could not have picked worse people to do this with. every character can be assumed to be extremely traumatised as is the nature of the game but etho and tango both have severe issues with communication and trust, both of which stem in part from bdubs' actions in last life (which again, i will defend him to the grave but that was fucking insane of him.) tango on the whole, however, is a character to me defined by his bitterness, especially in WL where he's acting out and being openly cruel to others (which given his previous experiences is honestly understandable). his immediate dismissal of bdubs is exactly what i would have expected of him given everything right now. meanwhile, etho is more cautious and unsure, only committing once he has tango's backing, because despite his issues with bdubs he has more reason to believe him (see: horse discourse once again) and also he's just extremely insecure. go girl.

little to say on this point but the bravado he exhibits after being dismissed also to me reads in line with other bdubs moments where he's putting on a show- he isn't gloating about pulling the wool over their eyes or laughing about how quickly he was found out, he's just.. bigging himself up for the sake of it? i don't know exactly how to word this point but i hope you understand.

tl:dr; i don't think bdubs is intentionally trying to manipulate people here, though i also don't think his timing and choice of apology was especially well-thought out; he's making a lot of attempts at genuine communication this season, for better or for worse, but it's coming from a place of recognising the necessity for it if he wants to get anywhere rather than a sign of genuine emotional growth. and while i wish they could have heard him out i do not fault etho or tango even for a second for assuming it was a ploy.

[moonchild1]

AO3 List PT.2

here's part 2 of my favourite bts fics on ao3 ♡ if you have any of your own recommendations feel free to tell me I would love to hear them ♡ some contain smut so no minors do not interact find pt. 1 here...

s- smut a- angst f- fluff

all of btssmutgalore’s work (sadly they aren’t on tumblr anymore)

all of univsa work

all of personasintro's work

the collector by joonswhistle f s a

↬ An aspiring art collector hires you to acquire pieces on his behalf. The catch is, he wants to remain anonymous. You’ve never taken on an anonymous client before, but he promises a higher commission than normal – and you can’t help but be extremely intrigued. Now to puzzle out who he is…

roommates with benefits by joonswhistle f s a

↬ You and Namjoon are roommates. You're both really horny one morning. So you come to an understanding:

1. It's not a regular thing.

2. It happens on the couch.

3. Kissing is allowed.

4. Condoms, always.And just like that, you're roommates with benefits

seoul underground by hunniejimins s a ft. jungkook

↬ You're a crime & corruption journalist for one of the most esteemed newspapers in Seoul currently investigating drug trafficking in Hong Kong. A hit is taken out on you and as a twisted stroke of luck, a member of a rival gang inadvertently saves you - Jeon Jungkook. He kidnaps you and brings you to the gang's kingpin, Kim Namjoon, who initially had plans to kill you, but a certain bracelet ends up buying you time. Things only get further complicated when they realize who you are and what you can offer them.

OR

Namjoon and Jungkook both fall in love with you and it's a mess, but monogamy is overrated anyway, right?

Covenant by fringesofsanity f s a

↬ You are betrothed to Kim Namjoon, the heir of a real estate mogul. To say that it was a fairytale romance would be erroneous. You’re instead loped in the sad tale of the rich and melancholy.

Faith by AndrastesChosen f s a

↬ It's time to let yourself believe in someone. You're probably an idiot for it, but you're going to put your faith in this man named Namjoon. (AKA You fall in love with underground rapper Namjoon and make a difficult choice so he can follow his dreams)

Partners by btssmutgalore f s a

↬ As a part of a literature assignment, you get paired up with Kim Namjoon, a guy you’ve never even heard of.

the wedding arrangement by sugalights f s a

↬ You are in love with your best friend, the only man who matters, Kim Seokjin. Unfortunately, he's just gotten engaged to someone who isn’t you. Even more unfortunately, he expects you to help plan the wedding alongside Kim Namjoon, his other best friend and, based on your first meeting, just another judgemental jerk. Putting aside your distaste for the sake of your friend’s happiness, you both set about giving Seokjin the wedding of his dreams. Following a rough and satisfying affair at the caterer’s, you strike an unusual deal: you and Namjoon will be enemies with benefits until the wedding is over. And after six months of wedding planning, you both just might learn that weddings aren’t usually the end, but a brand new beginning.

formula for love by bluesxde f s a

↬ newly single and in the midst of a bitter divorce, with a custody battle thrown in, chemistry professor kim seokjin tries not to fall in love with the new library assistant. and fails, horribly

The Stranger by btssmutgalore f s a

↬ When your plane hits turbulence, you start panicking and tell some of your biggest secrets to the attractive stranger sitting next to you.

Before Your Very Eyes by vyduan f s a ft. myg poly au

↬ After decades of being friends, Y/N finally realizes just how attractive Yoongi and Seokjin are and wonders why she never noticed. Except, Seokjin might be getting back with an ex and Yoongi is a permanent fuckboy. Is Y/N just desperate to get laid or does she love them? (And if she loves them, is she too late?) Oh, and also, THEY WERE ROOMMATES (but there are three beds)

Amalthea by Daechwitatamic s a

↬ You can count on two things in life. One: that your lifelong best friend Minji will always be there for you, in your corner, your brightest star. Two: that you'll never be free from her older brother Seokjin's orbit - the gravitational pull is just too strong.

Paris For A Day by automnesleaves f a

↬ On his last stop of his European tour to spread Korean culture, Kim Seokjin, the South Korean president's son, plans to escape his duties for a day to enjoy the sights of Paris with your help.

In other words: a slight adaptation of Roman Holiday, one of my favorite romantic films.

arranged by obiwrites f s a

↬ If you thought entering an arranged marriage with the person you love would be a dream, you were in for a rude awakening. Jung Hoseok was far from the doting husband you’d dreamed of and most of it could be chalked up to the fact that he was in love with his best friend. And you are without a shadow of a doubt, not her. But what happens when Hoseok starts to realize he doesn’t want you to be her? That there might be more than meets the eye with you?

piece by piece by underthejoon f s a ft seokjin

↬ a collection of drabbles where your love life is muddied up by two men – the one you love and the one that loves you.

tip 143 (for ∞ seconds of love) by minlouvre f s

↬ Even though he is everything you find attractive in a man, your friend and co-worker Jung Hoseok is just exactly that - a friend and co-worker. For some reason, you have never found yourself attracted to him even though all the girls and guys around you go absolutely crazy for him. But that all changes for you one night while scrolling through Heart2Heart, a sex live cam website...

the december of our adulthood by vyduan a

↬ Jimin collapsed all over you and the middle console from his seat in a fit of giggles and did his best to tease a smile back onto your face. “Thanks for picking me up so early on a Saturday morning, Y/N. You’re the best friend a guy could ever have.” Even after all these years, you couldn’t control the dip of disappointment at his words. It wasn’t that you didn’t love being Jimin’s best friend. It was more that you knew you would never be anything more. You grunted in acknowledgment and pushed the sadness down, burying it under years of practice and half truths. You would be content with what you had. You would be satisfied with the love Jimin was willing and able to give. You were not entitled to anything more. It was enough. It was enough. It was never enough.

when we were young by bluesxde f s a ft. jungkook

↬ returning to the sleepy seaside town you grew up in is the last thing you want to do, and the promise of seeing your long-time crush jungkook is the only thing keeping you going. when you fail once more to tell him how you really feel, you're left with no other choice but to accept the help of your long-time enemy and general pain in the ass, taehyung, to get jungkook to notice you, with surprising consequences for everyone involved.

4 o'clock by jincherie f s a

↬ prompt: “Why are you crying, It’s only you and me here, Me and you, Oh you”

Even if it weren’t for the two twins that had endeared you so, you were sure you would have eventually been drawn to the beautiful soul of Kim Taehyung, like a planet to its star. single parents au hybrid au

Enemy by btssmutgalore f s a

↬ Taehyung may be cocky, but he has every reason to be. After all, he never gets turned down by women – at least not until he meets you.

Replay by hamsterclaw s ft. myg threesome au

↬ Taehyung's your roommate - you get along fine, you do your own thing and stay out of each others' way. Your relationship works perfectly the way it is, you don't want or need anything more out of it.

the dinner date by univsa f

↬ pretending to be on a date with your best friend to get a free meal at the fancy restaurant jeongguk works weekends at doesn’t sound so terrible, all things considered. there’s just one small problem: you’re pretty sure you’re in love with the aforementioned best friend.

beauty by Jananakookie f s a dad au s2l

Who defines what beauty is or where it comes from, and what does it even mean? Working in an industry that is hardly about anything else, and being the father of a gorgeous little girl, Taehyung always thought he must have a clear view on that issue. You, on the other hand, lost sight of the sheer concept of beauty a long time ago. But maybe you both have no idea after all. And perhaps the beauty of life itself will teach you the true meaning behind it.

too good to be true by cupoftae18 f s a idol au

Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

[nickrocketrodriguez]

As a fan of Camp Cretaceous, were there characters in particular you were excited about writing for when you came onto the team for Chaos Theory? Did any surprise you as being more engaging than you initially thought?

Day 03 of Rocket Answers in honor or Jurassic World: Chaos Theory S3 premiering on 04/03! Keep sending me your questions!

//

Ya know, I'm such a sucker for an ensemble that I don't really think there was any one character in particular whose story I was more interested in telling from a writer's standpoint. They were all so richly defined in CC that it was truly just so exciting to get to continue seeing what new shenanigans they would get into, and what pains we could force upon them.

To try to get a little more specific, when I heard Scott's pitch that Darius was going to feel responsible for the death of one his other friends and it was going to lead us into this whole thriller-vibe of a show, especially within S1, that was extremely exciting for me as a writer getting his first full-time staffing gig. Before CT I was a script coordinator and had written some freelance episodes of other shows, but none that had this level of intrigue or that took pre-established characters and really put them through the ringer. So being able to stretch those writerly muscles on a show that required so much forethought and planning was pretty great.

I think I've also commented before on how much I really connected with Kenji's relationship to his father in a lot of ways, so getting to write "Halfway Home" (which I requested to write before episode assignments were even handed out) was extremely special for me. I really loved getting to write that conflict, as well as Kenji's conflict with Darius in "The Drop." Oh, and the scenes between Brooklynn and Santos in "Troubled Waters" were *chef's kiss*. I love getting to bookend this quieter moments with action/horror beats. XD

And, obviously, getting the chance to write a complicated but still pretty healthy queer relationship with Yaz and Sammy healed a lot of childhood wounds, not gonna lie.

In terms of who surprised me as being far more engaging than I would have expected... I'd say Ben. Not because I didn't like him as much as the others, but I think *I* thought I knew him better than I did, so while we explored who he was and how he changed since CC, there were a lot of things about him I hadn't even considered, and ways he wound up responding to situations that took me by surprise. So that was also a lot of fun.

[voidofthevoidmv]

I was looking through some of my old unfinished fanfics- And discovered this one from my old Danny Phantom hyperfixation.

I kinda just pasted the whole thing that I managed here- It’s basically if Jazz got ghost powers instead of Danny, but like- Different I guess?

Enjoy.

PLAZMA-JAZZ

Jazz (Pov)

Jazz had stayed home the day that Danny and his pals decided it would be a grand idea to make their way down to her parents lab. Sure, any other day she would've gone over to the library to study up on schoolwork at this particular plan- In fact, that had been what she would have done that day had no complications come up. However, it was late afternoon, and with her car mysteriously broken down under unknown circumstances, Jazz really didn't feel like walking.

She didn't know why, but she had this deep impending feeling that staying home was her best bet that day.

Of course, she knew better than to listen to unreasonable urges of fear for no obvious reason, but Jazz had a peculiarly long day, and she may as well catch up on some school work from the safety and sanctity of her own home.

The safety and sanctity that of which it should have stayed.

She had initially been focusing on the next 2 weeks of homework she had- When she heard the familiar sounds of her brother and his friends, chatting by the stairs and with hushed voices.

Jazz didn't know why she intervened, but she would never regret it.

“Danny- There is no way you're going in the labs unsupervised- Let alone without permission- That's practically rule number one and two on Mom’s list of laboratory safety!”

She remembered saying this to Danny, who was halfway down the cement stairs to the basement, and both he and his friends were clearly not amused with her attempts to keep them safe.

“Jazz, you need to relax-” He had said, rolling his eyes. “It's not like anything actually works down there.”

“Well… That is true…” Jazz paused before shaking her head and cementing her decision. It was her job as an older sister to make sure her younger brother didn't get hurt when he inevitably did something foolish and childlike. She was like his secondary parents. Sort of. In a way.

“Fine. Ok.” She relented, only for a moment, but only because she knew that Danny was far more reckless nowadays, and disobeying her was practically inevitable. No matter how hard she tried, she was most certainly NOT his parent. Besides, all she wanted was for him to be ok. She could make sure of that.

“-I know I can't stop you guys-”

Danny and his friends visibly brightened at the thought of her giving up and going away, but she would not falter. She may be a tad bit lenient, but not too much so that she was simply going to let the three 14 year olds go inside a dangerous laboratory with no regards for anything beyond them.

“But, I'm going with you guys. There's NO WAY I'm letting you mess around in mom and dads lab without proper supervision.”

Jazz had tried to ignore the whispers between her brother's friends- Words like ‘Buzzkill’ and ‘stick in the mud’ passing between them, but Jazz let it phase through her without a second thought.

She would take being a stick in the mud any day over the guilt of letting her brother get hurt.

And so, despite being not exactly how she wished to spend the rest of the evening, Jazz shrugged on her own protective bodysuit, modeled slightly after her mothers seeing that she was a growing young lady and her body was maturing. (Although she didn't forget to peel off the weird velcro sticker of her fathers face-) Despite the extreme doubt anything bad would happen, she decided on wearing the suit anyways, the 3rd most important rule of lab safety, protection just in case- She even went as far as to tie her long reddish orange hair back into a loose low ponytail.

After all, no loose hair in a lab either. She learned that lesson when she was 5 years old and dipped her hair in places it didn't belong. Irrelevant now though-

All in all, that is how she ended up being somewhat like a shadow in the background, watching the 3 14 year olds carefully as they dropped the wariness of Jazz being near and simply pretended she wasn't even there. Goofing off as normal kids do. It only made Jazz a tad bit jealous. She remembered being only slightly bitter watching them act so carefree. But she had also been glad for them. She was glad that they were enjoying being children, being little kids a little while longer-

-SAFELY of course, Jazz had thought, remembering the sharp look she gave the so-called defective inactive fenton portal.

In a household full of insanity and craziness, Jazz had to grow up fast. Somebody had to be the voice of reason after all.

But of course, even the most reasonable of people make mistakes, and at some point during the short lab tour, Jazz made her first error.

She had decided to take her eyes off of the 3 teens for a split second decision to multitask on some digital assignments, going as far as to utilize the Fenton family computer that just so happened to be located on her parents' nearby workbench.

It was a mistake for her to draw her attention away from the 3 foolish teenagers. Putting blind trust in a trio of freshmans is never the right way to go- And Jazz remembers the dropping feeling in the pit of her chest as she drew herself away from the computer at the sound of shuffling fabric and velcro peeling off of fabric.

“WHAT in the WORLD do you think you're doing!?!?” She had exclaimed, eyes blown wide with complete shock at the thought of what her brother had planned to do- Investigating the portal?! It was still experimental, the entire idea was foolish, to an extreme. She really thought her dear brother was brighter than this.

Even so, the raven headed boy only rolled his eyes at her with a small scoff, likely expecting her reaction to a point and shrugging, his own black accented and white base colored bodysuit moving as if it were a second skin as he blew her panicked words away.

“It's not like it works, Jazz, remember? So what's the harm in exploring?”

“Danny- While it may not have done what Mom and Dad intended for it, it's still super EXPERIMENTAL- You could get seriously hurt! Honestly Danny, you should know BETTER than to act like this!”

Jazz recalls how Danny bristled at this, squaring his shoulders as his baby blue eyes narrowed and he planted his feet firmly to the ground. Scowling, he retorted back with his hands raised with infuriation.

“To act like what-? An IDIOT? Newsflash Jazz, not EVERYONE is as smart as you.”

Taking a step closer to her younger brother- Unknowingly urging the younger boy to take a step back towards the portal- Jazz tried to mediate the conversation, but getting harder with how distanced her brother was getting.

“Danny! That is NOT what I'm saying. You are smart Danny! But there is a difference between being stupid and acting stupid- And listen to me when I say that going into that portal is a stupid idea!”

She tried not to yell, really she did. But you can't change memories- And Danny only seemed to be getting more irate by the second, eyebrows scrunching as he scowled, taking a few more steps back towards the portal. It was then, she recalled, something flashed in his eyes. An idea. Jazz had doubted it was anything good.

“You'll see Jazz- You have nothing to worry about!”

Luckily for Jazz, her reflexes from years of dodging ecto-contaminated dinners coming in handy for in a split second- Danny shoved her away and made a run for the portal, a big spiteful grin on his face while he did so. But Jazz was faster by just enough, arms darting forth to grasp her brother’s arm in a vice grip, and her teal eyes blazing now.

She had a long day, and all of it- The car breaking down, the pressure of school, and the STUPID sinking feeling in her gut- It all came crashing down. Jazz was irritated now, equally so, and with this in mind, she sunk back down to a lower level. She couldn't help but yell, tugging her brother's arm back towards her, while he held his ground.

(Perhaps, had she been paying more attention outside of her brother, she would have noticed how both Sam and Tucker, Danny’s friends, seemed to shake their heads in disappointment with how the evening was progressing. Sam, being particularly disappointed, and Tucker showing mild interest in how the interaction would end. Jazz doubted, had she been paying attention at the time, she would have cared.)

“Your acting immature!”

“And you're acting like a helicopter parent on STEROIDS! Let go of me!”

Tugging on his rubber gloved covered arm with her own suited limbs, she pulled back on him away from the device with a shake of the head, her red hair- Tied back into a low ponytail because having loose hair in a lab was also a no no- Hair flipping back and forth as she struggled to pull the younger boy away.

“No! You're endangering yourself and everyone else here- Stop fighting and get away from the portal!”

“Make me Jazz- What are you going to do? Lecture me away from it!?”

At this point, looking back, Jazz knew that the whole thing had escalated to a tipping point, into a terrible sibling spat. It's been a while since they have had one this bad… She knew that at this point, she should have regained her bearings and taken the role of the respective older person in the room, de-escalating the situation, as she should have a while ago…

But she had not been in the right mindset that day. She had been reduced to the same childlike level as her brother, and her demeanor was out of control. Everything, all the pressures and annoyance had crashed down on her, leaving her cool and collected mindset behind- Making her sensitive and vulnerable to sibling attacks. Danny knew just what buttons to press. But she didn't care about this at the time.

From her perspective, Danny never really wanted to go inside the portal- It likely had been one of her friends' ideas- And NOW, because she insisted otherwise, he wanted to go inside the portal just to hurt her. It wasn't fair, and she will admit that it made her mad. Her emotions were running high, and both Sam and Tucker were long forgotten.

All that mattered to her was to get back at her little brother and make him SEE-

So, when Danny shoved her- She shoved back.

“Danny- Listen to me-”

“Why do you always have to be in my business Jazz?! Don't you have better things to do- Like studying for the ‘I'M A TOTAL STUCK UP’ test?!”

“Argh! I'm in your business because I CARE for you!” Sniffing slightly, Jazz tried to swing Danny around so that he would be on the side closest to the door, but her efforts remained futile as he wrestled her back- (Unknowingly, the two of them only grew closer and closer to the gaping maw of the deactivated portal itself. She never should've let them down there. That portal was d a n g e r o u s…)

“And I am NOT a STUCK UP!”

“Are…” Danny paused to shove Jazz again- Face screwed in annoyance and exhaustion. “TOO!” He finished his sentence with a loud shout and another shove, but Jazz was ready this time, taking the opportunity to tackle him under the arms, but while this move had succeeded, her efforts to drag him away from the portal were still futile. Kicking and elbowing, Danny weaseled his way out of her grip with a fierce scowl, somehow the duo making their way inches from the lip up to the portal.

Funny thing about Fentons- They never backed down and were stubborn as bulls. Neither party would go down without a fight, as silly as it was for Jazz to admit. She really had been acting foolish- The world likely punished her accordingly…

Gripping her brothers wrists tightly, she began to walk forward with Danny walking backwards, both too busy in their squabble to notice how they stepped up onto the ledge leading to the portal and where making their way inside the dark abyss of the machinery itself.

She should've noticed sooner.

“Danny! Just! Stop it!”

“No you stop it Jazz! You're embarrassing me in front of my friends!!!”

“You’re IMPOSSIBLE Danny!”

(Meanwhile, Sam and Tucker slowly begin to approach the portal where the two siblings continue to fight, Tucker audibly wishing he had brought popcorn and Sam punching him in the shoulder in response. Sam wonders vaguely if they should step in before things go sour. If only she stepped in sooner-)

At this point, both Jazz and Danny seemed to devolve into dirty tactics, with Danny kicking at her knees and Jazz pushing him harshly out of the way in hopes of swinging him out of the portal. Pretty much atomic at this point, Danny was reaching a blowing point, and the opposite for Jazz, who finally was beginning to come to her senses.

They were in the portals deactivated gaping maw- She had to get them out. The machinery was dark and cold, she had to-

Danny shoved her abruptly once again, further into the portal but close enough to the edge that they could just as easily get out- They wrestled while standing a little longer, white and black meeting blue and black, and baby blue meeting cyan.

Danny reached the tipping point, and Jazz practically could see his brain blow up from behind young, irrational eyes.

“ARGH!!! JAZZ- SOMETIMES I THINK I JUST HATE YOU!!!”

“...”

…Danny’s eyes widened exponentially as he managed to weasel an arm out of Jazz’s now limp grip, and placed a hand on his mouth as if to reverse the words that came out of it.

The world felt frozen for a second. In the background, both Sam and Tucker’s mouths agape with shock, eyes darting between their friend and his sister as if debating their own reactions.

… Jazz couldn't breathe. Once again- Emotions clouded her judgment, hand hovering over her slightly agape mouth as her eyes began to water slightly.

“You. You…”

She knew he didn't mean it. He couldn't. But how dare she let this escalate to the point where he felt the urge to say such a thing. Danny didn't take it back either. He only stood there, frozen just as she had been as they both took steps back away from each other. The white and black jumpsuit wearing 14 year old seemed to wilt under her gaze, cyan eyes which had begun to soften at the sight of him.

“I-”

His voice died in his throat and Jazz straightened up to take another step back- To create more distance between them, the silence in the air thick enough to qualify as the fenton family fudge-

But the funny thing about the portal was that it was particularly narrow for all rights and purposes… Nowhere really to back up into except-

“Oh… I'm so sorry Dan- DANNY!!!”

Jazz hadn't thought. Hand clicking a button from behind her, she heard the faint beginnings of a whir sound, signaling the portal being turned on. Danny, Danny looked terrified- A spark of green illuminating his pale face as the color drained from the both of them.

Jazz had not thought.

She moved before she could even process what she had been doing.

She couldn't let her brother get hurt.

Not on her watch.

No.

She was his big sister.

Practically his parent.

And parents had a duty to keep.

“JAZZ!!!”

She put her everything into the push- Shoving the younger boy out of the portal so hard, he practically tumbled into both Sam and Tucker as if they were pins in a bowling alley. Jazz would've been close behind, but somehow in all the scuffle, her foot got tangled in a pile of wires.

Danny tried to get to her, but Tucker and Sam held him back.

The portal hissed now with beginning power- And Jazz got that feeling. That sinking feeling. The same one she had felt when she woke up that morning. That same one she felt the rest of the day. A single split second slowed into hours as she attempted to free her foot from her tangled up bindings, furthermore tripping in the process.

She. Was. Stuck.

She had so much left to live for.

Who was going to drive Danny to school in the mornings?

Who would be the one to make second dinners when the food prepared by her parents inevitably came alive and attempted to murder them?

Who would be the one to tell Danny that he should work on his homework?

Who was going to be the one keeping this family from falling apart?

Who?

That didn't matter.

It would be fine. It had to be.

The portal isn't working- Remember? Logically it wasn't going to- It couldn't-

In those few seconds, Jazz could see Danny and his two other friends, standing just outside the portal with faces pale and reflecting an eerie green glow as the portal sparked a tad bit more- Jazz only let out a breath, hot and smoky somehow as she extended her arm out in a final attempt to escape.

In a split second, fire entered her veins-

Then everything turned green.

And

She

S

C

R

E

A

M

E

D…

Who knew dying felt so terrible?

She knew better now.

***

Danny (Pov)

“Jazz…?”

Danny’s emotions were completely out of whack, that was for sure. It made sense, after all, everything had gone so fast. Deciding to go down to the labs. Putting the dumb fenton hazmat suit on. Deciding to go inside the portal… Fighting…

T̶e̶l̶l̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶l̶y̶ ̶p̶e̶r̶s̶o̶n̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶f̶a̶m̶i̶l̶y̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶h̶a̶d̶ ̶a̶l̶w̶a̶y̶s̶ ̶b̶e̶e̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶H̶A̶T̶E̶D̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶-̶

“I didn't mean it, Jazz… I- I didn't mean it…”

This couldn't be real. It couldn't be.

Jazz never did have a knack for practical jokes.

For some reason it was hard to breathe.

Sam and Tucker looked no less horrified, their vice grip on his arms practically going limp as he slumped out of their hold and to his knees, his blue gaze never once leaving the swirling green portal that had been where his sister once stood.

He never heard her scream like that before, let alone at all really.

Jazz had always been good at covering her true emotions with a smile to protect him. To make him feel safe.

Heart beating in his ears as he stared blankly at the portal, casting an eerie glow on his pale face, he no longer felt safe anymore.

Jazz was….

Dead.

Probably.

No. She couldn't be.

Right?

He told her that he hated her and didn't even apologize for it. He didn't even take it back. His last words to her were absolutely rotten- The worst thing he could have ever said. All for what, to push her buttons?

It didn't help the fact that this only happened to her because of him.

Because of him.

Him.

̶I̶̶̶t̶̶̶ ̶̶̶w̶̶̶a̶̶̶s̶̶̶ ̶̶̶s̶̶̶u̶̶̶p̶̶̶p̶̶̶o̶̶̶s̶̶̶e̶̶̶d̶̶̶ ̶̶̶t̶̶̶o̶̶̶ ̶̶̶b̶̶̶e̶̶̶ ̶̶̶h̶̶̶i̶̶̶m̶̶̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶p̶o̶r̶t̶a̶l̶-̶̶̶ ̶̶̶

“I'm sorry… I'm sorry Jazz… I didn't me-ean it… I didnt…” Speaking now felt like there was cement in his throat, and something hot and salty dripped down his cheeks from his wide blue eyes, past his mouth and under his chin. The sound of the portal whirring was too much sound stimulation for him at the moment. The chipped black fingernail painted hand resting on his shoulder felt like the weight of a thousand hammers- And he could practically feel Tuckers trembling from here.

Like a dam being broken, Danny flinched violently, teeth clenching loudly and in a bout of morbid devastation, he stood on shaky knobbly knees, not yet processing his actions. His blue eyes never left the swirling green death device as he managed a few steps forward, slow muttering of manic apologies tripping over his tongue as Sam’s hand slipped off his shoulder and hit her skirt with a resounding fwump. A wave of terror washed over the three fresh teens, Danny taking another shaky step in the portal's direction as Tucker’s voice broke the air.

“We… Your sister… Danny we just saw your sister DIE- How are you-”

“Tucker!” There was probably a punch to the arm that followed, Tucker being the most precipitated recipient, but it was likely it held no strength and either way Danny could not hear it.

All he could hear was the static sound of the portal and the echoing scream of his only sister.

“She. She isn't. She can't be- She can’t- She isnt de-Heh-” He couldn't finish the sentence without clamping a hand over his mouth and withholding a gag at the thought. He couldn't breathe. He didn't WANT to breathe. Not when the sickeningly sweet, yet sour smell of burnt human flesh still permeated in the air.

His fault.

His fault she was-

His stiff zombie-like stagger turned into a shaky speed walk- Eyes wide and unblinking still as he continued his approach towards the swirling green portal. He was close enough now to touch. Close enough to see. To see…

A sharp pain in his eyes caused him to gasp loudly and cover them with an arm, the other arm quickly being grasped and held firmly by a pair of pale hands- Sam having come up behind him once it dawned on her what Danny was trying to do.

“Don’t. Don't look.” Her voice was firm, but her grip was shaky, and Danny ripped his arm away with ease, blinking harshly from lack of blinking before refixing his stare towards the swirling green tear in reality. He needed to see. His morbid thoughts seemed to swirl in his mind as the possibilities churned inside.

What exactly would he see? What was left?

̶T̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶w̶r̶o̶n̶g̶.̶ ̶T̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶s̶u̶p̶p̶o̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶-̶

“Jazz. Jazz. I'm sorry, I just-”

“Ngh…”

All three of them froze.

A sound. From inside the device.

The slumped figure in the portal moved, shifting from where it lay unmoving.

It seemed to find its footing before stumbling a bit, obviously very disoriented as it leaned up against the wall of the portal in a very vulnerable position.

Something was inside the portal.

Moving.

Towards them.

Danny could feel something in his chest soar-

Backing away, Sam and Tucker once again attempted to coerce Danny away from the portal, but he simply wouldn't- COULDN'T- Draw his eyes away from the flickering figure.

Could it be?

Was that…

Hope?

Or was it…

Fear?

“Danny- Get away from there!- There's something-”

Sam didn't have time to finish her shout before the figure stumbled out of the portal with wobbly feet, its tall figure lunging forward to grasp on something, anything to break its fall. A loud whooshing sound permeated throughout the room as the blur of SOMETHING practically tumbled into Danny, who happened to break the rather solid seeming things fall exponentially.

“Gah…” Rubbing his bonked head sorely, he positioned himself up again to a sitting position, the figure which had barreled into him attempting to bring itself to its knees as well, Danny’s own eyes casting upwards to meet its own…

In an instant, the blue eyed, ravenette couldn't breathe again.

The figure, female it seemed, had bright lighting blue neon hair pulled into a low ponytail, almost ethereal looking as she stared at him with bright reddish orange ectoplasmic eyes. She seemed to blink down at him with such confusion.

She wore a bright orange jumpsuit with white accents and a pair of orange goggles hung loosely on her neck. Face slender and a nose just like his own, Danny couldn't help but breathe out her name with a stifled sob.

“Jazz?”

“Danny? What…” The ghostlike person hesitated a second, pulling herself up to standing position, she put a hand up to swipe away a stray hair escaping her ponytail- Only to freeze at the sight of her newly white colored gloves and brightly colored glowing hair. She stared at Danny and his friends with such genuine confusion, with her glowing reddish orange eyes shining brightly as she did so.

Gulping loudly, Jasmine Fenton, half ghost, half human psychiatrist hopeful, as well as established older sister- Had to take a few steps back.

“What… Happened to me?...”

Danny tried his hardest not to cry- But was greatly unsuccessful.

After all, it was that night when everything changed…

That was the night his big sister, his only sister, died a death that didn't belong to her…

Kinda.

***Chapter start:***

“-Despair evaporates when we stop denying who we really are attempt to uncover and accept our true nature- However-”

Jazz Fenton felt a sharp jab to her side, startling her out of her ambient morning reading, red hair flipping to the side as to face the perpetrator head on, swiveling where she sat by the kitchen counter.

“Psst! Hey!” Her brother, Danny Fenton, hissed loudly- Leaning forward in his chair in a clear attempt to grasp her attention, waving his arms a tad and such. Jazz could only frown and glance him over quizzically, wishing to get this over with so she could go back to reading the wise and thought provoking words of Nigel C. Benson- Author of the current psychology book she was reading to clear her head for the day.

“What? What is it?” She stage whispered horribly back- To which her brother stared at her with wide blue eyes- Waving his hands around and glancing about frivolously- Before grimacing nervously, furrowing his brow almost hesitantly and pointing up at his face with both hands.

“Your uh- Your face is uh-”

Danny cast a few more furtive glances in the direction of their mother, Maddie Fenton, who seemed to be working on some sort of device at the dinner table- Blow torch illuminating her mask covered face in an almost haunting way.

Jazz was confused for a moment, before it dawned on her- Chills running up her spine as she glanced over quickly in the direction of the nearest reflective object- This being a toaster and-

“Gah!” Low and behold, Jazz’s head was completely invisible! She tried to shake the transparency away with a frantic shake of her head- Which worked somehow, but it also succeeded in mussing up her normally smoothly brushed out red hair. Even so, she was glad for the warning- Facing her brother again with a concerned expression painting her face, she gestured upwards in hopes that all of her top half was now fully visible and she didn't miss a spot- Danny sent her a wink and a dorky thumbs up, while her only response was to smile thinly and sweat drop the tiniest bit.

“Thanks Danny-”

“Itph nophin relleh-” Danny scooped another spoonful of cereal into his mouth whilst speaking, spattering milk and food bits everywear as he shrugged and Jazz cringed away begrudgingly with a painted smile. Boys- Ain't it so?

She was glad for her brother nonetheless- Getting caught invisible by their parents certainly would NOT end well- That was for sure…

Jumping upwards, the two siblings watched with almost casual expressions as Maddie Fenton leaped from her seat at the dinner table with a bright grin, hands on her hips while doing so and nodding firmly at the sight of her latest creation.

“Okay! All it'll take is about 2 or so days- And it's done!”

“What did you say?” Leave it to Jack Fenton, their father, to pop out of the woodwork at the sound of an invention being proclaimed. Maddie Fenton seemed to want to say something to the disastrous behemoth of a man- But he was a bit too quick and excitable for her. Both Jazz and Danny sweat dropped at the sight of the older male sweeping the device off the table, out of his wife’s reach, in order to display the invention outwards towards the ceiling dramatically as if it were baby jesus.

“Is it done? IT'S DONE! The Fenton Finder is done!!!”

Shaking the device slightly in the air- Or was it his arms simply trembling from keeping them up for so long- He let out a hearty laugh and brought the device closer to his abdominal area in order to flick on a few switches and press a button or two to activate the device. Proudly, he pointed a finger upwards in a matter of factly position… Much to the ire of his wife.

“This baby uses only the most high end, Fenton Family patented, satellite technology to lead us to any ghost in the vicinity- Rain or shine!”

“It uses what to track what?” Danny raised a dark eyebrow and tilted his head at the sight of his father stroking the device close to his face- Maddie seemingly accepting the situation for what it is and allowing a smile to ghost onto her face as well. She seemed to swoop in after Jack, leaning over his arm in order to press one more button on the back, causing an automated voice to emanate from the device- Paired with the small tiny signaling dish to swivel around like a spinning dog.

Jazz shuffled in her seat awkwardly- While Danny leaned forward a bit more to gain insight.

>Welcome to the FENTON FINDER™ A ghost is near. WALK FORWARD<

The automated voice reverberated through the room as the two adults walked in unison, following the beeping noise of the Fenton Finder™ with great anticipation- Meanwhile, Jazz gulped loudly- Closing her book for the time being and a sliding it to the side in order to pay careful attention to the situation at hand.

>WALK FORWARD<

The beeping grew louder as both the parents stepped closer and closer in Jazz’s direction- In only a few seconds, the red haired 16 year old was practically nose to chest with a neon orange hazmat suit- Cyan eyes glancing bashfully upwards to meet bright blue eyes. Sweat practically pouring from both she and Danny’s heads by the bucket full.

Beeping a few times, the Fenton Finder™ spoke once more.

>Ghost Located. Thank you for using the FENTON FINDER™ Dispose of THE GHOST immediately<

Taking a step back, both Maddie and Jack glanced at each other quizzically, Jazz and Danny both watching the two adults with rapt attention- Panic clearly painted on their features while Jazz fiddled nervously with her fingers.

Jack Fenton hummed dopily, giant thumb coming to pinch his chin with confusion.

“What? Oh that can't be right…”

“Well honey- I did say it would be finished in a few days- Not now… Its not finished yet-”

Jazz let out a breath of hot air, tension leaving her body as it began to fluctuate a few times, much to the terror of her brother who could only stand beside her as in a span of a few seconds, Jazz went invisible, intangible, floaty, and glowy all in a quick succession before returning to a normal human state. Albiate, a tad bit disoriented.

Shaking her head with a furrowed brow, Jazz faced the two adults solemnly as she placed a normal hand on her nearby psychology book- Danny looking on with an unreadable expression.

“Actually… Mom? Dad? I have something extremely important I need to tell you-”

“Oh GEEZ look at the TIME!!!” Jazz is taken aback alongside her parents at the sound of two hands slamming onto the counter abruptly- Danny coming to a standing position with both his arms either side in front of him and a giant nervous grin etched onto his features like a really uncomfortable statue. Pushing back out of his seat quickly and wrapping an arm around Jazz’s own empty arm, he let out a forced laugh- Wagging a finger for extra emphasis for his words.

“Look- This chat has been GREAT- But it's time for Jazz to drive me to school!!! After all- You know how it is! Nowadays, a young, growing, adolescent teenager like myself can't afford to be late for school- You know, and miss out on all that great knowledge and brain stuff! You know me- I love school! School school school!!!”

“Danny what-” Jazz didn't have time to finish her sentence, before she found herself being dragged off and out the door by the younger sibling of hers- Leaving both their parents in a state of confusion- Watching on as Danny abruptly shoved Jazz out the door with a giant fake smile and rambles pouring from his mouth like a sprinkler.

“C'mon Jazz- Let's GO- See you guys later- Love you guysgottogoBYE!”

Jazz no longer tried to resist as Danny practically dragged her into the driver's seat- Slamming her car door with such force, she couldn't help but fumble out of her seat slightly. Even so, once Danny was buckled in the passenger seat- She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and put her key in the ignition…

Meanwhile- Inside the house and watching the bizarre behavior of their children through the living room window, Maddie and Jack Fenton could only tilt their heads and ponder away.

Maddie let out a loud hum, her glove covered dainty fingers coming upwards to tap against her chin with an inquisitive look on her face.

“Huh. That's… Odd. Danny is almost never this excited to go to school… He's been acting so strangely lately…”

“There can only be one explanation…” Jack paused for a moment before a light in his brain blinked on and he raised a finger in exclamation- Much to his wife’s confusion.

“That's not our little slacker! That's a ghost! In DISGUISE!”

“Jack- That’s- OH! That would explain how the Fenton Finder picked up an ecto-signature!”

Maddie’s eyes seem to widen from behind her goggles with this observation, now facing her husband with equal vigor coinciding with her own exclamation. The both of them now seemed to meet each other's gazes, speaking in unison.

“That means…”

Jack was the first to pounce towards the front door- Rocking his fist in the air as if in retribution and his other hand reaching over to his zipper pocket to grasp the keys to the Fenton Family Ghost Assault Vehicle- GAV for short. Maddie followed him close behind as Jack bellowed to the open air.

“Never fear Jazzy!!! We’ll save you from that ghost scum!!! Daddy’s little princess!!!”

***

“I just don't see the appeal in keeping it a secret Danny- Mom and Dad love us, and they would never do anything to hurt me…”

“... On purpose you mean.”

Jazz didn't make eye contact with her black haired teenage brother in the passenger seat beside her, in favor of keeping her cyan blue eyes on the road- Steady foot on the gas pedal as her hands gripped the steering wheel firmly. Fiery orange hair whipping out behind her, and messy black bed head hair doing something similar, the two teenagers seemed almost normal sitting in the seats of the open topped red convertible.

Despite the clear distast in the open air concerning the conversation, Danny Fenton took Jazz’s silence as a signal to keep going, leaning forward in the convertible’s passenger seat to level his older sister with a blank unamused stare, though the slight curling of his lips betrayed the initial deadpan expression he had been aiming for.

“It's been a month, Jazz. A month, and I don't really see you jumping for joy at the opportunity to tell them that their only daughter isn't exactly the most human nowadays. You're not ever going to tell them, are you?”

“I am going to tell them!” Jazz sounded indignant before her eyes flickered off to the side slightly, her soft pink lips curling downwards a tad more into a frown. It almost seemed like she was convincing herself of this fact, sweat beading near her temple as she shifts her hand placement on the wheel, and a sigh billows from her lungs.

“... Eventually.”

“Rrrrrrriiiighhht.” Danny leaned back into his seat with a cross of his arms and a lazy smirk painting his expression. This makes Jazz face the boy again, this time with an extra determined look on her face.

“No really- I will!”

“It's fine Jazz, you don't have to explain yourself. I get it. No reasonable superhero wants to reveal their secret alias to their parents- It's expected even!” Jazz could only frown curiously at Danny’s words, face curling into a processing expression, before glancing over at Danny fondly again and turning the wheel at the next intersection.

“Hero ali- Danny. I'm not a superhero. These aren't superpowers, these are just the aftereffects of the accident, that's all. They will fade in time, I'm sure…”

“Again. Been a month. I think we're past the point of ghostly refunds.”

Jazz and Danny met eyes again, before the orange haired 16 year old halfa shook her head and stopped for another intersection, lifting the lever for her blinker and the dashboard began to click, signaling she was to be turning right. She could only sigh at her brother's antics, noting how pleased he looked in his theorem.

“Still. Not a superhero Danny- Who would I even battle against? The only ghosts we've seen come out of the portal are those weird octopus thingies- But even then, putting those guys back in the portal does not exactly count as an epic superpowered battle like it does in your video games.”

“Well- These kinds of things don't just HAPPEN to a person for no reason! You have superpowers Jazz- REAL superpowers. It's a only a matter of time before bad guys start to show up- And let's be real, Mom and Dad are NOT ready for that kind of confrontation, so it's gonna be up to you to beat em’ back to the front lines”

“Yeah right Danny. Besides, unlike your comic book heroes, I much prefer to fight my battles passively. After all-” Jazz waggled a finger condescending with her free hand in the direction of Danny, a calm preening smile grazing her features while she did so.

“-Words have power too y'know.”

“Right.” Danny flashed a thin smile in Jazz’s direction, leaning forwards a bit to squint blankly in her vicinity. Feigning innocence, he tilted his head in false condescension.

“I'll have to remember that when an evil, all powerful ghost kidnaps me and tries to eat my face off or something..”

Cyan colored eyes flickering upwards, Jazz noted the stoplight in the distance- The school was getting closer, halfway there, she figured. Getting closer to the stoplight, now turning yellow, she moved her foot from the gas over to the brake pedal, getting ready to ease down on it, but not quite putting pressure. Concerning the conversation between her and her younger brother, the red head only shrugged playfully and rolled her eyes fondly.

“Well, I guess we're just going to have to cross that bridge when we get there. And for the record, I DO plan on telling Mom and Dad about my situation- I just… I think it would be best for everyone if i got these new abilities in check beforehand… I mean- I could barely control them as it is-”

“You've been doing just fine right now...”

Jazz let out a noncommittal hum in response to Danny's short notation, but didnt grace him with another retort, now beginning to press down onto the brake pedal, seeing that a busy yellow stop light was coming up. It was true, throughout this whole drive, Jazz had been yet to fall ill to any of her current ghostly attribute issues- The thought made her lip curl upwards. Perhaps she finally found her anchor, allowing her ghost powers to settle and stay dormant under her skin, driving the answer? That didn't sound right, but neither did ghost powers in general…

Who was she to look a gift horse in the mouth, coming up on the stoplight, speed now starting to gradually diminish, she had to admit it was true- Her ghost powers were not acting out throughout this whole drive… Was it luck or happenstance? She didn't know…

She just hoped thinking this in her mind wouldn't…

Jinx….

It…

Jazz suddenly felt a buzzing feeling in her leg, the hot resting bubble of feeling in her chest soaring as her heart dropped into her stomach.

“Jazz…” Danny’s blue eyes flashed nervously in her direction, speaking with a small lilt in his voice, pushing himself back in his passenger seat as the car continued onwards closer to the next stoplight intersection, showing no signs of stopping as Jazz punched her foot down frantically.

“Jazz- There's a stoplight coming up- Jazz, we should stop-!”

Danny glances over to the driver frantically, only for his expression to shift into one of terror, the sight of his sister beginning to phase straight through the bottom of her seat and holding onto the steering wheel for dear life causing him to lurch forwards with an alarmed yelp.

“Jazz!!!”

“Danny! Danny pull me up!!! Pull me up!!!” Jazz could only screech as the stoplight grew closer, only a few feet away as the car began to swerve, her younger brother Danny now beginning to claw at her shoulders in an attempt to yank her back out of the car cushions and into sitting position. He wasn't the most successful, and Jazz's bottom half continued to remain intangible, cushions now up past her chest, arms fully extended and clutching onto the steering wheel for dear life.

“Ah!- Ah!- Break!!! Break- Where-”

“LEFT DANNY!!!”

The screech of his older sister rattled Danny to his bones, and the honking of a horn to their side forced the 14 year old into a panic- Slamming his own foot straight through his sister's transparent lower torso last minute and onto the brake pedal.

SCREECH!!!

“OOF!”

“Argh!”

Rubbing his head where it had rammed into the dashboard, and keeping his foot plastered firmly on the brake pedal- Danny Fenton could only stare out into the distance of the windshield, past the giant dent in the dashboard where his skull had rammed into, wearing an expression identical to the resident ghost girls own features, who now seemed to gain a semi balance of ghostly control and began hovering upwards from her place inside the diverse seat cushions. Floating above her seat, she let out a small noise as the sudden bout of weightlessness deactivated causing her to fall not so gently into her seat. Even so, the two shaken up teens continued to stare blankly outwards, both their hair now mussed up and windswept, trembling like leaves and for a few moments the world was silent.

The light turned green.

The sound of honking frantically from behind snapped the red headed teen out of her stupor, causing her to blink harshly a few seconds before shaking her head. Shakily, Jazz nudged Danny's foot away with her own and pressed onto the gas pedal, crossing the intersection only to stutter to a stop by the next curb, placing the vehicle in park.

Jazz let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and slowly turned to face her brother. Turning the key and pulling out, the red convertible stuttered to a stop.

“H-How do you feel about walking to school Danny?”

“Great. Fantastic. I could walk. Just as soon as my legs stop feeling like jello.”

Jazz could only sigh, glancing downwards at her own legs, which seemed to flicker a bit alongside the rest of her body. She shook her head almost somberly.

“You're telling me Danny… You are telling me…”

***

(And that’s all I got back then. lol)

[lastoneout]

how do you make a whole post about people suffering from the tariffs and the need for compassion and never once consider the canadians who will suffer from the us initiating a trade war

That post was intentionally, very specifically directed at leftist Americans in blue states who are making jokes about people in red states suffering, with a side of me complaining about a small part of the Canadian government's plan about how to address this extremely complicated situation that I, in the post, admit to not fully understanding. I will apologize for that at least, that wasn't really what I meant to be talking about but I kinda had to critique the targeting red states part to explain my point about how the GOP thinks and why OTHER AMERICANS SPECIFICALLY should reconsider the way they talk about this. I didn't mean to say Canada was wrong to act, I was trying to address how certain Americans are responding to those actions, and that kind requires talking about Canada.

(I will also admit that I am am slightly salty at every single other country at the moment given most of them, including, as far as my research could turn up, Canada, won't let disabled people immigrate there unless we can work which like. We can't. Or we have a spouse or family member who has a job that will cover all of our expenses which....yeah most of us don't have access to jobs like that. My fiancé can provide for myself and him atm but he loses his job if he leaves America. We're queer and disabled and stuck here because the majority of the world doesn't think disabled people are worth saving. So yeah, kinda feels a bit like being complete abandoned by everyone and it does color my perspective a bit even if I do happen to agree that Canada should protect it's people from the harm Trump's bullshit is about to rain down on them.)

But yeah, obviously the entire world is going to suffer because of the shit Trump is pulling and I'm pissed about that too. The Canadian and Mexican governments cannot just sit by and do nothing while their people suffer, and I don't fault them having to take drastic measures even if I do disagree with the way one government is going about it. At the end of the day all of this suffering is Trump and Musk's fault and they should be the ones shouldering the majority of the blame. But I'm also allowed to make posts about one thing that is specifically directed at a singular group of people, especially a group of people I'm part of. I'm allowed to critique my own political allies when they fuck up. And as far as I've seen most of us have been not only very sympathetic, but borderline too eager to shoulder the blame themselves for the rest of the world suffering. I haven't seen any leftist ignore that the people of Canada and Mexico are going to suffer due to the actions of our government. I've even seen some of them legit reaching suicidal levels of self-hatered, saying they don't want to suffer but it's what we all(Americans) deserve for letting this happen, as if it was the people's fault and not a small group of money and power-hungry bastards who don't give a shit about anyone but themselves. I did not detect a lack of sympathy for the populations of other countries amongst Americans discussing this topic so I did not think that needed to be addressed in my post critiquing said Americans for their lack of sympathy for their countrymen.

So yeah. I am sorry to the Canadians and Mexicans who are going to suffer. I'm really, really fucking sorry. This is embarrassing and scary and painful for all of us, I wish I could stop it. I'm one disabled person who is bedridden recovering from surgery cycling through the stages of grief so fast it's making me nauseous. Your government IS right to try to protect you, I would give anything for mine to do the same, not just for Americans but for everyone trapped on this earth with us.

But again, I am allowed to make posts that are about one thing or talking to one specific group of people. I wasn't trying to address the people in other countries at all, this was talking to American progressives and liberals and leftists, and very specifically ones living in blue states, addressing how they talk about other Americans and how poorly it reflects upon them.

I apologize for not being able to cover every single aspect of a massive, extremely complicated situation in my one post, and sorry for being so bitchy about the Canadian government, I didn't mean to imply that other people aren't gonna suffer too. I figured that went without saying since I've seen so many Americans talking about it already. We should do both. Sympathy for everyone who's going to suffer.

I'm going to go lay down and continue to worry about my American friends and Canadian friends, and everyone now. Bye.

[mercillery]

can you please do a scenario or headcanons where Lucius’s s/o cheats on him. Thanks a lot for your writing, reading them makes me happy 💕

The gasp I let out when I read this… this is like a lamb willingly going to the slaughter 😦 Also thank you so much anon, kisses and love for you 🙂‍↕️❤️❤️❤️ I’m going to start putting “gender not specified” rather than “gender neutral reader” because it’s really bothering me for some reason. But anyways, this was really entertaining to write.

WARNINGS: TOXIC + GENDER NOT SPECIFIED + TOXIC AGAIN

Congratulations! You've managed to complicate your life in ways you never imagined possible. Lucius will make sure you regret every moment, leaving you longing to turn back time and undo the foolish mistake of cheating on him. Did you think he was going to forgive and forget? Maybe in the end he will, but for now, absolutely not. You need to be disciplined. Cheating on Lucius was never going to go unnoticed or unpunished.

Upon uncovering your infidelity, Lucius' initial reaction would likely be one of composure. Rather than impulsively reacting, he'd take the time to craft a plan designed to deliver the most significant blow possible—mentally wise, that is. To him, the anguish wrought by psychological torment cuts deeper than any physical pain ever could.

Maybe you’ve cheated on him because you felt neglected. After all, Lucius is very dogmatic when it comes to his belief in remaking humanity and ruling as the Final Wizard King. Perhaps his all-consuming obsession with his vision for the future left little room for you, causing you to seek emotional fulfillment elsewhere.

Regardless of your motives for cheating on him, the repercussions will be severe. He'll ensure you experience the full weight of your actions, leaving you to contemplate your choices and your very existence. It may sound extreme, but trust me when I say that he will absolutely dismantle your psyche, forcing you to confront the consequences of your betrayal on a deep level. In essence, if you haven't grasped it yet, he's capable of shattering your sense of self—and he will.

Among the numerous punishments Lucius might deploy, isolation stands as a formidable weapon, stripping you of any semblance of affection or support. He's also adept at weaving intricate mind games, tormenting you with psychological manipulation designed to erode your sense of self. Moreover, he won’t shy away from employing tactics that sabotage your career, relationships, and reputation, leaving you grappling with despair and utterly at his mercy.

Isolation reigns supreme as Lucius' preferred method of punishment, consistently occupying the top spot in his arsenal of tactics. He firmly believes in its efficacy, viewing it as the most effective means of gradually dismantling any remaining shreds of hope within you. He'll justify this extreme measure as an act of love, insisting that it's necessary to reshape you and your behavior, all in the name of ensuring that the thought of cheating never crosses your mind again—even if the process ultimately leaves you scarred and traumatized.

Under Lucius' rule, there's no room for complaints or protests; in his eyes, you've brought this upon yourself. Even the smallest of complaints will only reinforce his conviction that you're resistant to changing your unfaithful ways, prompting him to escalate your punishment even further. It's in your own best interest to suffer in silence, as any attempt to voice grievances will only serve to worsen your punishment.

Eventually, the relentless mental torment inflicted by Lucius will transform you into a completely different individual. His ultimate objective is to mold you into a faithful and devoted partner, eradicating any traces of your previous unfaithful nature. While the journey may leave you deeply scarred and traumatized, Lucius will derive satisfaction from witnessing his relentless barrage of torment yield the desired outcome: your unwavering loyalty directed solely towards him.

And regarding the person you cheated on Lucius with, well, Lucius left it to his clones to address that matter. While Lucius might admit to a hint of curiosity about your choice, he ultimately holds no regard for them. Why would he care? The only thing he cares about is putting you back in your place. And if by the end of his cruel punishments you’re not crying like crazy in his arms, then he must be doing something wrong—which only drives his determination to make you submit even more.

When it comes to Lucius, loyalty is not a choice—it’s an obligation. But you know this already, don’t you?

[theamityelf]

We’ve got enough Kamukuras to fill up a bucket or something at this point, lol. Regarding that, what’s your thoughts on a Kamukurafied Komaeda? I’ve seen peoples takes on him before but I’m just curious on what yours would be

Oh, I love this. More Kamukuras than we know what to do with. I've definitely seen some sketches of a Nagizuru concept, and those were awesome, but let me think, lol.

I feel like his luck has to do something during the surgery itself. Like, I think we almost can't have a character with Nagito's luck and say his luck was being chill during something as pivotal and time-consuming as the Kamukura Project. So I'm thinking the scientists made a small but crucial mistake on him that is both good luck and bad luck depending on how you look at it.

I'm going to say, instead of just removing his emotions and autonomous motivation, the scientists manage to accidentally give him super overactive reward centers. The rest of the project was a success. His emotions are still gone in most ways, but now, unlike most Kamukuras, he gets powerful hits of dopamine for completing tasks. He considers himself lucky, since he's enjoying himself more than the other Kamukuras, but the result also means that he becomes severely pleasure-seeking.

The only thing he can feel is reward. This means he is addicted to practicing his talents, but it also means he will go out of his way to use as many of his talents as he can.

The scientists initially write this off as a positive; feeling highly rewarded for a job well done means he's more engaged in what they ask of him than any of his predecessors. Sure, they're a little worried when he starts disassembling and reassembling things over and over, worried that becoming addicted to small, meaningless busy work will start to take priority over the actual things they want him to do. But he's still a Kamukura, and he still eventually gets bored of repetition, so it's fine.

They should be more worried about the disassembling part. The fact that he feels just as rewarded by tasks he himself creates, just as rewarded by work he himself makes necessary, just as happy to fix what he himself breaks, should worry them more.

They should be really worried about how easily he gets bored.

But this trial of the Kamukura Project (and if we're including every other AU in this, then I guess he's Iteration 4, after Mahiru's Iteration 3, lol. Byakuya I still see as more of a joint endeavor between the Togami Corporation and Hope's Peak, not nominally a part of the Hope Cultivation Plan, but rather a "separate" project, maybe called the Heir Enhancement Plan. He's still called Byakuya Togami. Then again, it would make sense for Nagito to have been before Makoto, since I could see Hope's Peak using a luckster and a reserve course student one year, then the next year's luckster as well. Maybe Mahiru got thrown in because she caught them dragging off Sato, idk. So, Iteration 1 is Hajime's Izuru Kamukura. Iteration 2 is Nagito. Iteration 3 is Makoto. Iteration 4 is Sato, but for right now I'm saying there was some complication and she died while they were working on her. And Iteration 5 is Mahiru.)

But this trial of the Kamukura Project is really pleasant to be around. When the scientists question him, he's very eager to answer the questions. After all, positive social interactions are highly rewarding for him.

He's extremely physically affectionate with the other Kamukuras, though Makoto is the only one who always tolerates it, so Makoto is the one he goes the farthest with, especially when Izuru isn't around to stop him. (Byakuya will also intervene, but not as regularly. And Mahiru sees it as respecting Makoto's autonomy to let him decide who's allowed to touch him.) He'll just be cuddling Makoto and nuzzling into his hair, and Makoto is just blinking and stoic. Bonus points if Makoto says something like, "I like it," one time when they do this, and it's the first thing he's ever said he liked. His first opinion ever, as Iteration 3, is that cuddling is nice.

(Izuru will be jealous of this. And Nagito would feel extremely rewarded by the accomplishment.)

Nagito Kamukura does not have compassion or all that much regard for the consequences of his actions. Because of his new analyst talents, he's able to plan ahead which courses of action will be the most rewarding for him, which means his pleasure-seeking isn't short-sighted, but if a course of action contains 5 guaranteed instances of pleasure and 10 possible negative repercussions, it is probably full steam ahead on that plan unless he can think of one with more guaranteed instances of pleasure. The only consequences that matter are ones that limit his ability to keep doing things.

In the at-this-point-inevitable event that there's some mass breakout of the Kamukuras, I could see Nagito staying behind to tend to the few scientists who didn't immediately die by Byakuya's or Mahiru's hand. Once he finishes bandaging them up so they're on the mend, he'll break an arm here, a leg there, so he has more stuff to heal.

[dailypositivequotes]

personal and long life update

I feel comfortable to say this now. This is going to start sad but get better.

TW: miscarriage

Two years ago was the worst summer of my life. I was excited and happy as school ended because my spouse and I found out we were expecting a child right before the end of the year. We initially didn't tell anyone, was going to wait. But then I started to have issues and I talked to my mom about it and my fears that something was wrong. My mom ended up letting me know she was having health issues and they found a mass. And on the same day my mom was diagnosed with cancer I miscarried. I will never forget crying and telling her on the phone and her sighing sadly and saying she had hoped one of us would have good news. I was traumatized. I felt betrayed by my body. I felt betrayed by the universe. I felt like a failure. I felt like it was my fault while knowing it wasn't. I lost a lot of faith in things. I was angry and grieving. I was terrified I was going to lose my mom like I lost my child. And then one of my siblings was in a major car accident (they're fine now but it was really scary and I thought I'd lose them too) and our beloved bearded dragon died. Loss was all around me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even say the word miscarriage for a whole year. Therapy was extensive on it among other traumas. And one thing that also sticks out from that summer is "Running Up that Hill" was popular cause Stranger things aired its new season. I broke down any time that song came down because of the line "I'd make a deal with God and I'd get him to swap our places" made me thing about my mom and my lost child. I told family members. We previously were having pressure from family members on children and the LAST thing I needed was someone asking me for the millionth time when I was going to have kids. Fortunately family was understanding and backed off on the topic. My one sister was pregnant at the time too and we bonded over the fact this was her rainbow child, something she had not shared with any family member and I was able to go to her for support that other family couldn't provide as they never experienced this. Another thing from that summer is disassociating because I love my sister, I was excited for her and her baby, but the topic was very raw for me. I know I attended her baby shower but all of it was blur. And the final thing from that summer / year was I was also obsessed with trying again and "getting it right this time" because I didn't want to face reality or the grief I was having, and honestly...every failed month was also extremely triggering (for reasons I hope are obvious enough for me not to say) so I'd spiral again. It's taken a lot for me to be where I am now.

Since that summer, we got a second dog. Trained our first dog so she is officially a therapy dog. We both were in therapy - individual and couples. We strengthened our marriage. My mom beat chemo and radiation. Currently, she does not have cancer. Discovered I have a medical anomaly, and learned it doesn't stop me from successfully having kids but I could have a trickier time getting there as there were other complications it brought into my life. (Which honestly discovering this, and that it was something I was born with, answered SO MANY questions). We worked out together and made healthy meals together. We stopped obsessively TTC and just focused on us, loving our life as is, and healing. We discussed in January of this year about seeing a specialist and possibly starting fertility treatments in the summer if we felt we were in a good enough place for that. It was a very good, chill and no pressure conservation. In Feb. was the anniversary of would have been due date and therapy, coping skills from therapy, and planned activities helped a lot of with my mental health that day. And then in March, after my dogs were acting weird about me and I was feeling off as well, I discovered I am pregnant. Sure some anxiety immediately spiked but I am doing okay. I think if this would have happened sooner I'd have not been okay mentally due to the anxiety of the past repeating, but I've worked on a lot of trauma from that awful summer and I decided I would celebrate every second of this and if its a shorter journey than I hoped, so be it. I did have an emergency session in therapy during the week of pregnancy that was the one I miscarried at previously since I couldn't quite shake the nerves then. However, this time and last are night and day. All tests and appointments have come back healthy. Symptoms are what they should be. Everything is looking good and I am thankful. I am filled with gratitude. I have a good feeling. My family and my spouse's family are excited, who we told in April as I learned I'd rather lean on people for support if I needed it than grieve or celebrate in silence. My students and co-workers just before the end of the year realized I was pregnant and both set of people were very excited for me. My students created a lot of cards for me. We are excited. I am halfway through the pregnancy. I have seen him (through ultrasounds). I've heard his heartbeat, and am so thankful that it is so strong. And I've felt him kick just now. I am at peace.

[bullet-prooflove]

Past Mistakes Part Eighteen: Patterns - Mike Duarte x Reader (feat: Declan Murphy & Olivia Benson)

Tagging: @crazy4chickennuggets @kmc1989 @oureternalbond  @nessamc @jayblackpanther @mysoulisasunflower @resonmalvo @littleone65 @thesandbeneathmytoes @katluke25 @mydarkestsecretlol @evee87 @wooshwastaken @hearthockey @justreblogginfics @im-just-a-mississippi-girl @rosaliedepp @storiesofsvu @whateversomethingbruh @burningpeachpuppy @smellsliketeensspiryt @legit9thlunaticwarrior @xoxabs88xox @kiwiithecrazybird @spooky-pomegranate @chavez-ashley @telepathay @weiwei0210 @spaghettificationandpretzels @plaidbooks @irishavengersassemble

Past Mistakes Series:

Part One: Try - Mike turns back up in your life after three years apart.

Part Two: Hope (NSFW) - Mike and you get reaquainted.

Part Three: California - Mike and you discuss the past.

Part Four: Favours - Mike asks Liv for a favour.

Part Five: Choices - Mike comes face to face with someone from his past.

Part Six: Truth Hurts - Mike begs you to tell him the truth about what happened three years ago.

Part Seven: Sharing - Mike and Joe have a conversation.

Part Eight: Buried - Mike discovers that McGrath’s misdeeds go far futher than he thought.

Part Nine: Complicated - Mike discusses moving forward.

Part 10: Feral - Mike returns to the apartment to find you’ve disappeared.

Part Eleven: Torture - You wake up in the basement.

Part Twelve: Fire - You and Joe discuss moving forward.

Part Thirteen: Lost Time - You and Mike get real on his porch.

Part Fourteen: Plan B - Mike always has a plan B.

Part Fifteen: Proud - Mike tells you how proud he is of what you’re doing.

Part Sixteen: Mattituck (NSFW) - You show Mike how much you love him.

Part Seventeen: Seven - Joe makes a discovery.

Lieutenant Caroline Child is striking, that’s the first thought that Murphy has when she walks into Benson’s office. It also seems that McGrath has a type, the two of you have similar features, body type, height. Her hair is a little different, but he would bet his salary if he saw a picture of her from a couple of years ago the resemblance would be even closer.

“I don’t understand why I’m here.” She says after the introductions are made. She sits in the guest chair across from Benson while Murphy leans back against the wall and watches.

His intention is to observe the discussion, gather more intel. The more he looks into McGrath the worse it gets, the case they’re putting together is pretty solid, but they need to establish a pattern of misbehaviour otherwise the defence would play it off as ‘he said, she said’, which could significantly diminish their chances with the other charges.

“What I’m about to tell you is extremely sensitive.” Benson says quietly, her hands clasped in front of her on the desk. “I think when you hear it you’ll understand why you’re here.”

She tells your story, all of it. Everything from the way it started, the mentoring, the light touches to how you’ve spent the last three years of your life trapped in a situation you had no hope of getting out of. The longer it goes on, the more withdrawn Lieutenant Child becomes. Her fingers toy with the bottom of her blazer, her gaze lowering before she opens her mouth to speak.

“He told me about her. He threatened to do the same thing to me if I didn’t…”

She swallows hard and Murphy’s heart bleeds for this woman because he knows how this plays out. Everything in her demeanour screams survivor. The more he learns about McGrath the more intense his desire to wipe this scumbag off the face of the earth becomes. He worked in SVU for a while, he’s seen that the disaster radius doesn’t usually stop at the victim, it extends far beyond that tainting everything it touches.

“I was a Sergent working in Vice, I was studying for the Lieutenant’s exam when he started to show an interest. He was helpful initially but then…” She sucks in a shaky breath before she continues. Murphy sees the slight tremor in her hands, she clenches them into fists to hide it. “There was a retirement party at a bar for someone we worked with, Tommy had a little too much to drink, the next thing I know we’re in the bathroom and he’s…”

She stops, her knuckles turning white as she grips the fabric from the coat in her lap before she forces herself to release it, smoothing over the creases with her palm.

“I tried to stop him, but he put his hand over my mouth, told me about the last girl that turned him down, how he had buried her so deep that no one knew where she was. He got off on it, knowing he had all of the power.” Her lips purse together, Murphy can tell the words taste bitter on her tongue.  “He raped me that night, in the bathroom of that bar, whilst my friends and colleagues drank and danced on the other side of the door. Noone heard or saw a thing.”

It's horrifying, the thought that there were so many cops close by and not one of them was aware of what was happening in that bathroom. However, it’s a story he’s heard before. Rape can happen, any time, any place.

“It went on for a while after that.” Lieutenant Child continues. “He’d turn up at my apartment drunk at 3am in the morning, if we were at the same event, he’d treat it like foreplay before he’d take me back to his hotel room. It was always the same one, Room 210 at The Plaza, he liked to fuck me against the window, said he wanted everyone to know what a whore I was for him.”

The parallels are uncanny, even down to the room and the hotel. Murphy makes a note to review McGrath’s stays, how often he’d been booking that room, how many times he’s brought back a woman.

“When did it stop?” Benson asks gently.

“Three months later, he seemed to lose interest.” She tells them, a frown crossing over her features. “He was angrier towards the end, drinking more. I stopped resisting, he didn’t like that. The last time he said…” She pauses for a moment as she tries to recall the exact words McGrath used. “He said Nora would have kept fighting. He’d called me that name a few times when he was…”

She raises her eyes to the ceiling; Murphy can see the tears lining her lashes as she inhales sharply.

“It’s her, isn’t it?” She asks the two of them. “The woman, he buried. Her name was Nora?”

Murphy sighs before crossing his arms over his chest.

“Yea.” He tells her. “Yea it is.”

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[cosmicjoke]

What do you think are Levi’s feelings about Eren, both before and after the Rumbling? I personally find their dynamic the most difficult to wrap my head around

Hi there,

Well, it's a complicated relationship that they have, so I can see why it would be difficult to grasp.

I think Levi cared about Eren, both before and even after the Rumbling, the same way he cared about every soldier he ever knew. He wanted to protect him. But I also think Levi was wary of Eren, again, both before and after the Rumbling. He knew there was something in Eren that had the potential to turn dangerous. As he called it, a monster of will. Not that he could have known or predicted what Eren would ultimately do, or what his actual desire was, but he knew Eren wasn't the sort of person that could be controlled, if he really wanted something that went against what was good for the whole. He initially wanted to be put in charge of Eren because of that wariness, and his ability to see that monstrous will in him. He wanted to be in charge of him in case Eren went rogue, basically.

But, again, I do think Levi genuinely cared for Eren, and was truly upset when Eren started getting weird, and just hugely disappointed and disgusted, when Eren finally turned against them completely. I think Levi had genuinely believed Eren wanted to fight for humanity and save the island of Paradis, and he was kind of blindsided when Eren's actions, particularly, his actions in Liberio, went directly against that. He even says, once they get Eren back, that he can't believe it, how he looks just like the scum bags he'd grown up around in the Underground. So even though Levi knew Eren had something potentially dangerous in him, and also understood he was reckless and at times very stupid, I don't think he realized just how selfish Eren was.

It also forced Levi into having to accept that a great many of his other comrades had died in order to protect and keep Eren alive, only for Eren to turn around and betray everything they had fought for.

But there was genuine fondness from Levi toward Eren too, a genuine desire to look after and protect him, and help him, not just because he was an asset to humanities future, but because he was a person and a comrade and friend. If Eren had been less selfish, and asked Levi for help, had told him what he was going through, with his mind all torn up, Levi would have done all he could to help him, I'm certain of that. As it was, Eren didn't tell anyone what he was going through, because he wanted the Rumbling to happen.

Anyway, it's pretty damn tragic, all around, because I think Eren admired Levi early on, and wished he could be like him. But then, he betrayed him terribly, like he did everyone. He let Levi almost be killed by Zeke. Eren knew the future, so he knew Levi would be attacked by Zeke, first by him turning the other soldiers in the forest with them into titans, and then by blowing the thunder spear up in his face. Eren knew that was going to happen, he knew what Zeke's plans were, and he let it happen. That's extremely sad to me. Because, again, Levi would have done all he could to help Eren, if Eren had simply talked to him.

[ghoulish-art-tendencies]

Opinions about the movie it: Specifically, about Richie and Eddie and their whole deal. and How they defeat Pennywise the first time.

Also have you read the book?

SPOILERS AHEAD, in can you could not have guessed.

Okay so IT. IT is one of my top 3 movies of all time (if not all time) in which I watched it about 5 times in a week when I first got into it. (I also have not read the book yet but I have been planning on it for a while, just need to get my hands on it.) I really enjoyed it personally, and I don't think it is that scary anymore, but I was originally scared shitless the first time I tried to watch it years ago when I was not into horror yet. Even though it was made in 2017, it still has that 80s horror feel to it that I love, and I love the dynamic between the group of 7 in the first movie.

Now buckle up, because I am about to go full on special interest on this ask and yap about its inherent queerness and how it affects the story line and how it could've been used more.

Richie, Eddie, and the inherent queerness between the two. It was very clear that Richie, if not Eddie as well, were very much implied to be interested in each other.

But more specifically Richie. I honestly wish they did more with them, but it was very clear that they were a duo; a pair within the original group of 4. Putting it out now: I have not actually seen IT Chapter 2 all the way through as I kept crying over Stanley's death, and I honestly was extremely disappointed in how they handled the film as a whole, and the decline in quality. So, my information may not be entirely correct, but in the end of IT chapter 2, we see a clip of Richie carving he and Eddie's initials into the bridge. As well as I believe when Eddie dies later in the film, Richie tries to go back to get his body/doesn't want to leave him behind. Richie was obviously head over heels for him from the start to finish, and you could tell. From the constant bickering; teasing; borderline obsession that he had for Eddie. In the book, I believe Richie would also call Eddie "Eddie Spaghetti" multiple times, don't quote me though. All of this to say, Richie loved Eddie. A LOT. To the point that in the second movie Richie was out as gay but STILL hadn't found a lover, whilst we see both Stanley, Bill, and Eddie married, as well with Beverly with a boyfriend (in the beginning of the film, at least). I am not saying that some of these relationships are healthy by any means (especially Eddie's which I will explain soon), but it goes to show that many of the people from the core 7 found relationships, and yet Richie did not.

Now Eddie is slightly more complicated, as all throughout IT we see the toxic relationship between his mother, and how she gaslit him into believing he was sick all the time. This would then later end up with him marrying someone else very similar to his mother who treated him very much the same. Then, at the end where he ends up dying, it ends very tragically where his whole life he had to live with people being very controlling over him and him never getting to experience that freedom he deserved. I bring this up because in IT, we see near the end where Eddie is told that his medication are placebos, and he tells his mother he's tired of her trying to keep him away from his friends. He realised there that he was happier and more free when he was with his friends, and (though not said) specifically Richie as well in my opinion. Richie was unabashedly himself, and wasn't afraid to be weird with his friends. I know it is strongly theorised that Richie is ADHD as well, which could also play a part. All the while both Stan and Bill are more reserved in my opinion, both as Bill was self-conscious because of his stutter, and Stanley being bullied for being jewish (both of which we see happen in the beginning of IT). Eddie felt more comfortable around his friends, and specifically Richie because he truly did not care enough about acting weird. Though I believe it is never actually shown that Eddie had a romantic interest in Richie, I strongly believe it could've been something if the writers allowed it.

Now, Eddie and Richie's interactions with each other (in the first movie, because as I have said I have not seen enough of the second movie to speak on it much). Many times, we see specifically Richie and Eddie interacting. To be honest, they are probably the 2 people we see interacting the most throughout the entire movie. One scene I want to bring up specifically, which took me multiple watches to catch, is that at I believe the Derry festival, Richie comes back with 2 ice cream cones, and gives one to Eddie. Now, whether Eddie had directly asked him to get him a cone, or Richie just buying it for him, I think it shows just how much Richie did care about him. I think it shows a little bit of how they interact with each other when we don't see them (on camera). And sure, you can buy ice cream for your friends, but would you not also either ask if anyone else wanted one? You could make the argument that he couldn't carry it but it doesn't disprove the fact Richie specifically bought ice cream for Eddie, which shows how he cared for him.

Richie and Eddie are also constantly bickering back and forth. From when Eddie is trying to help Ben after getting stabbed and him telling Richie to shut up with the silly voices, or in the sewer scene where Richie constantly bickers to Eddie about him being afraid to enter. You can obviously see Richie being the comedic relief, but always more-so to Eddie. To me, I interpret this as him seeing that Eddie is almost always on edge, and trying to distract him to make sure he's happier. And while we do see Eddie get annoyed at Richie, I don't think we ever truly saw him get angry at him or be upset, other than slightly annoyed or exasperated.

I know l am yapping, but to answer your next question about how they defeated pennywise the first time, I think Richie and Eddie's relationship still play a fairly large role. They learn that in order to defeat Pennywise, they have to stop being afraid. We see Richie constantly worry about Eddie when in the house, and basically stuck to his side. In the scene where they are in Bill's garage and watching the projector, when Pennywise shows up on it, we see in the background Richie grabbing onto Eddie, and Eddie grabbing onto him. In a moment of fear, they automatically reached towards each other. This to me they they feel most safe when they are together/close. This makes me think that Richie was really the one that helped Eddie be brave enough to face Pennywise and defeat him. While I think Richie was able to be brave enough to defeat Pennywise because he not only cares about the group but also wanted to keep Eddie safe.

All of this to say; Richie and Eddie were very much implied to be queer (in the movies); even more-so when Richie was confirmed to be gay in the second movie. I really wish that we got to see Richie and Eddie get together to not only have that queer representation, but because I honestly think it would have been a healthy relationship, like it was in the beginning. Richie constantly distracting and teasing Eddie; then comforting each other in times of fear; doing little things for the other. They both cared about each other a lot and I am truly disappointed on the fact we never got to see a happy ending for Eddie, where after years of being in an abusive relationship where Eddie is made to be dependent on the people that are supposed to be your most trusted, he just, dies. We never get to see him get out of those relationships and find someone better (AKA Richie). I truly think the story of Richie and Eddie after IT Chapter 2 could have been its own movie or mini series/book (even though it wouldn't have been). To see Richie be in contact with Eddie again and maybe help him realise he's in an abusive relationship and help him get out of it. At that point it doesn't when have to be romantic but just a deep and intense love for wanting the other to be happy. It would have made a great ending of 2 characters finally finding happiness in each other again after years of struggling.

So there. You asked about my opinion of IT and here it is. This took me like an hour as I immediately started writing after getting this ask, but I enjoyed it. It's nice to finally put my thoughts on this movie into a (hopefully) coherent analysis. Even if like 1 person reads this lol I am happy I got the opportunity to yap about my all time favourite movie. :D Thanks for the ask, and again, sorry about the excessive yapping.