#ASPECT OF THE SHOW’ um lol no we don’t

[firstkanaphans]

hi sarah! a bit of a meta question for you, if you had the time and/interest: what is it about akk that you think aye fell in love with?

recently my friends and i were having a conversation about akkaye, and we realized it was super easy to identify what akk loves about aye (his passion, his caring/empathy, his rebelliousness, his looks etc. the list goes on and on) but we were having a harder time explicitly defining what it was about *akk* that aye fell in love with. maybe it's because we're in akk's pov for a majority of the show, so it's a lot easier to define what's going on in his head. like, when i see them together it just makes so much sense, but not quite sure how to put it into words?

so I thought i'd ask for your thoughts on it because you've written so many akkaye fics (and read the og book, even!) and i love your way with words. aye is so interesting to me (the best boy <3), maybe because the series isn't primarily in his pov so we're left guessing for a bit more of it. no pressure if you don' have the time, but i'd love to hear your thoughts!

Hiii! Oh, I love this question. Two of the reasons I remember Aye giving in the novel were that he finds Akk physically attractive and that he likes teasing him—which he also talks about in the show. But on a bit of a broader scale, I think he sees a lot of himself in Akk. And also a lot of Dika. 

We didn’t get a whole lot of this in the series, but in the novel, Aye talks often about the guilt he feels over Dika’s death. He thinks that if he was paying more attention and had noticed the signs of his depression, he might have been able to stop him. To him, I think Akk is a second chance to get things right because in a lot of ways, Akk's going down the same path Dika did. I don’t think this is necessarily why Aye fell in love with him, but I do think it's why he was willing to overlook some of the, um, rougher aspects of Akk’s personality (i.e. his propensity for vehicular homicide.) So, in essence, I think his interest in Akk started out as a bit of a project.

This project, however, allowed them to actually get to know each other and that’s when the true feelings started to develop. I think Aye loves Akk’s smile and the fire he carries inside of him. He loves that he’s grumpy and willing to fight with him. He loves his passion and the way he cares about his friends. And I also think that he loves that they share this same brokenness—that they have been given this opportunity to heal together.

I agree that Aye’s feelings are a bit more of a mystery since we are primarily seeing things from Akk’s POV, but their relationship, to me, has always seemed to be very much a product of timing. They met each other at the exact right time to fall in love. If these exact same characters with these exact same histories had met in college instead, I think the physical attraction would still be there, but I worry that their personalities would clash too much to be able to find common ground. That’s probably why BoP, which is my only AkkAye fic where they meet outside of high school, starts with a one-night stand lol.

[moonstruckloverwritings]

Can you please do something with Yandre! Peter Parker and a reader who just fully accepts it? I reader your general headcanons and loved like the sweet side of things lol. Like she thinks she’ll hate it but she hasn’t got to do anything and can research stuff she’s interested in (like History), and then Peter comes home and she just gets love and someone cares for her. idk, hopefully my message is put across well lol. Thank you!

Yandere! Peter Parker With Accepting Reader

Hopefully this is adequate for what you requested. I hope you like it. Also, I just wanna explain that I imagine this to be the Peter Parker who’s living in his own apartment at the end of the last movie. 🕷♥️

Ooo I love this idea. But you’re right he would be really sweet. I think the only times a yandere tendency would come into play with him is when you were in potential danger of harm by someone else, in potential danger of being taken by someone else, and when he’s had a bad day and just wants to indulge in you.

I see that last one happening a lot with the work he does. But I’ll come back to that later and just go in chronological order; by events.

When he first takes you and you begin to heavily hesitate, he understands. He’s not a delusional yandere. He would know this is a big change for you that you had to get adjusted to and he’d do whatever you want to make that more comfortable. (Except for going back home that’s out of the question)

He would definitely try talking to you about things first. Your worries about the situation, things to make the transition easier, rules, punishments with an emphasis on how he’d never physically hurt you though because he never wants to see you upset.

“Well we can go over everything to maybe ease your mind.”

“Um.. not right now but if I know I can trust you then later you might can talk to your friends and things.”

“I’m sorry.. I don’t want to make this miserable for you. Is there anything I can get you that you like that’ll make it easier to be in here? You like history facts? Ok, I’ll pay for the history channel and get some books for you. What kind of history do you like? Heh, there’s a lot of it”

“well I do have some basic rules that I have to go over with you but again, they won’t be permanent if I know I can trust you.”

He would get a part time job to fund everything he needed for you. You ask and you shall receive!

After the tension has settled down between you two and you become more open to the idea. He would slowly introduce new aspects. He’ll come home showing you his new Lego set and asked what you found out about history that day. Spending general time together makes him, well, giddy.

He would think about introducing physical touch but was still weary of how you would react. He knew you were probably still adjusting but.. he just wanted to hold you.

“Hey uh.. can-can I hug you? If not I understand I just..I want to.”

If you said no, he’d totally respect it and wait til you guys felt a bit closer to ask again. But if you said yes, prepare for cuddles!

Remember when I said he’d want to indulge in you after a bad day? This is where that comes into play. I 100% can imagine him coming in with cuts and bruises and those puppy eyes just wanting to cuddle. He’d deny any treatment you’d offer at first. He’d just want to wrap his arms around you and nuzzle his head into your neck or even lap. Very golden retriever, this guy.

“I’ll get the first aid kit in a minute, I just… can I lay with you for a little while.. please?” 🥺

He would cook breakfast for you before he left, have a mini fridge with drinks and snacks for when he’s gone, and would come home to make dinner for you. He didn’t know much about cooking before, he learned to cook just because of you.

He’d clean the room as well and would ask you didn’t do anything too strenuous. Leave it up to him. That’s what he wants. He wants to take care of you any way you’d let him. If you one day asked him to comb your hair, he’d almost jump with glee then calm down enough so he can be incredibly gentle when combing. He did not want to tug on it or hurt you so it would take him a while and he’d go really slow. If you asked him to hand feed you, he’d love to and make sure to blow on each bite before feeding it to you. He’d get a little anxious not knowing if what he was doing was good enough though. If he was combing your hair and there was even the slightest tug, he’d gasp and ask if he hurt you. Or if he was feeding you and you grimaced or your facial expression faltered, he would turn into: 🥺 that emoji with the puppy eyes and ask if it was too hot, cold, or if you didn’t like it. So, in other words, he’s extremely, if not overboard in his attentiveness.

But it’s all for you and because he loves you. He just wants the best for you!

After your relationship developed and he could completely trust you, he’d allow you more freedoms. He’d at first allow you to text one, just one, of your family members of your choice just to take it slow for now. He will also be watching over your shoulder. He’d gradually allow more freedoms with who you spoke to. He’d then allow you to go out into town with him once your family knows you’re okay and that, “you just needed time alone.” Although you had to by with him every time you went out in town but he would buy you absolutely anything you wanted. One of the big freedoms he’s kind of scared to give you is to see your parents again because of course, he’d have to be there and that means he’d be meeting your family. What if they don’t like him? What if they try to take you away from him? He would express these feelings to you and ask what you thought as you knew your parents and what they’d accept in their daughters partner.

Also, quick note. He acts very much in the dating phase but in his head he thinks (knows) that marriage and kids are going to happen with you guys at some point. Like it is just natural information in his mind. So while he’s easing you both into more scenarios/freedoms/situations, he already sees you as his wife. He always had. He is committed to you and nobody but you.

Hopefully everything went well with your family and friends and they all got along with Peter. Otherwise you might “need to take a break” again. Contact via cell phone would still be open with them, but no way in hell were they going to separate you both. Unless you can convince them to think otherwise.

He just wants to be with you. Nothing is going to change that from happening. As long as your friends and family accept that, you’re life will be lived happily ever after.

[sainamoonshine]

Okay so I have watched like, three Avatar live action episodes so far and here are some quick thoughts on it. (Spoiler alert this is a positive post, negativity DNA unless you want to make me sad)

- Right off the bat it should be noted that my standards for good tv / movies are pretty low these days. Due to the general state of tv / movies, I have been forced to place the bar of acceptability at « I can see what is happening on the screen and the character’s costumes have colours ». NATLA passes both criterias with flying — well, colours.

- Secondly I actually like the way the show handles the character arcs. I feel like people who are complaining just noticed that they changed or toned down some aspects of the character arcs, and were so angry that they straight up stopped paying attention instead of noticing all the new and nuanced things that were added in. Every character is getting an interesting and intriguing storyline, they just don’t look exactly the same as in the original. If that makes you froth at the mouth, may I suggest not watching any adaptation ever maybe? Because huh that’s kind of what adaptations do.

- Unfortunately the pacing is kinda clunky and some of the dialogue is irritating, especially the recurrent thing where a character who would usually prefer to die before speaking about their feelings — or wouldn’t have the emotional maturity to even realize what they are feeling — just turn to the camera and loudly announce « I am feeling this thing! ». However, those two issues are obviously a result of not enough episodes. They had to cram A LOT in eight episodes and that is Netflix’s fault, not the showrunner’s. With eight episodes they basically had the choice between not having the time to properly « show not tell » and therefore having to cut out the character’s more subtle emotional states entirely, or try to work in conversations and monologues in which the characters just straight up say things to each other. So you get Aang telling Appa he’s scared of being the avatar and Zuko actually admitting out loud that he has hope that he might get to go home. It is what it is.

- They clearly ran out of money for wigs tho. Gran-gran’s wig is horrendous and the only thing I cannot forgive.

- Aside from some clunky pacing and gran-gran’s wig tho, everything else has slapped so far. Sokka is PERFECT. Suki was great too. Sad that they didn’t put Sokka in the full Kyoshi warrior getup but it does create an unintentionally hilarious moment where the kyoshi people are all like « um no we don’t have any outsiders in our village, no sir mister fire soldier » and meanwhile this idiot is just standing there all dressed in BLUE

- Aang is also perfect. Zuko is perfect. Katara is doing that thing where you bottle up all your anger inside and never make it anyone else’s problem and just keep smiling and being nice and polite and then you die, which unfortunately seems to make people think she just has no anger? Lmao okay.

- the cgi was hit and miss in the first episode but then got a lot better

- the fight choreographies are ON POINT OMG

- I didn’t remember why I didn’t like Jet (forgor most of his arc in the show) but just remembered I didn’t like him, which made for an interesting ep 3 viewing experience lol

- also Kevin from supernatural?????

- would prefer it if my husband stopped saying « okay Anakin! 🙄 » every time someone gets set on fire but I think that might just be an issue in my household

[waitingforeddyneddy]

Um, I think it's okay if JB is more enthusiastic about a job where a gay love story is told. That obviously means so much more to him at a personal level and it's understandable, I wouldn't judge him for that at all. But I do have an issue when his fans pretend that oh he cares so much about Kanthony! No, that was one of his many jobs that he did every well and moved on once it dropped and that's also fine! It's also good to acknowledge he on several occasions failed to even mention Simone by name for some reason (like in this old The Wrap interview, where he was talking specifically about Bridgerton: “But also, I was in fear of creating something with another actress or actor that was palpably believable, because romance and sexuality and sensuality is really the most honest and extreme thing we can experience,” he added.) I don't know, I always found his press run kinda odd in certain aspects.

Btw, I'm laughing reading what that old mod said about how they locked one of their comments because they mentioned how it wasn't great that JB bragged about meeting Biden rn because it wasn't good to bring politics lol. That's exactly an example of how FT effectively just "whitewashes" all the political aspects of the time period where it sets, because his fans obviously don't see it as a "political" show.

And where did I say that it’s bad he cares more about the gay love story? Of course he does, I just have a problem when his fans want to put him on the same level of mistreatment Simone faced when it comes to s2 promo. Simone was forced to do zoom interviews and read a script about sisterly love knowing full well that s2 was NOT about sisterly love. He was busy exploiting his Bridgerton hype to promote his show and as you said his outright refusal to name drop Simone even during that little promo he did. I don’t know, I still think the fact that he couldn’t bring himself to say Kanthony when he was asked which couple is his favourite, the same fucking days Simone was being attacked by cunts who screamed about her not being Kate Sheffield is nasty as fuck

We all know his fans like to go 🙉🙊🙈 over the problematic nature of everything surrounding Fellow Travelers it shouldn’t be surprising they get butthurt when someone points out his “political activism” if you even wanna call it that lmao and the fact that he said he learned a lot from fellow travelers I just wanna tell him buddy you obviously didn’t learn enough

His fans don’t see it as a political show, they see it as the show about the two attractive men fucking and they choose to ignore the people behind it

[buckybeardreams]

“Don’t worry about it, Buckley, you don’t have to get it. That’s why you have me to tell you what’s right and what’s wrong.”

Buck felt embarrassed but also a great amount of relief that Eddie was willing to be so patient with him, to explain things to him when he was too dumb to get it for himself.

Ooo you have set this up perfectly for Eddie to mold Buck into his perfect submissive little boy. Like the more comfortable Buck gets the smaller and “dumber” he gets and just gives more and more control up to Eddie because obviously Eddie knows best for him. He’s daddy after all. The latest chapter was amazing and I can only imagine their play time becoming more and more now with Eddie rightfully guiding and molding his baby boy as he sees fit. I was curious after that other post when you said you new exactly how you wanted Eddie to introduce diapers into the mix and I admit i was curious to see how you’d manage to get buck to agree to it but this right here answered my question. Perfect set up for Daddy does know best and Bucks learning and accepting that. (Though Bobby seems to be doing a little 👀 so I’m curious how Eddie gets him to back off them)

I am curious though because I think it was back in chapter 1 or 2 when Eddie was musing to himself about also turning Buck into his perfect little submissive house wife on top of being his good little boy. Even thought about buying him the frilly apron. Are we going to see more of that aspect too? I can only imagine the blush on Bucks face as Eddie coos and treats him like such a good little wife. Dinners on the table. Greeting kisses when Eddie gets home. The delighted joy Eddie would probably get from seeing buck all embarrassed and shy and confused but just going along with it because again it’s Eddie. Not to mention I can picture your amazing version of dark Eddie wanting that control over adult Buck just like the other aspects of Buck. Either way keep up the great work and can’t wait to see what happens next!

Right?? Isn't that perfect! The dumbification of Buck is definitely well on its way now and it's definitely laying the groundwork for Eddie to be able to get Buck to do whatever he wants and, um, also totally thought I responded to this but apparently, I keep starting to respond to things, and then they end up in my drafts and I forget about them lol

As for Buck becoming Eddie's sub, I think it's only natural that Buck would fill the roles of mother and wife for the Diaz boys, so it's likely we will see him playing that perfect housewife role for Eddie

I'm like obsessed with the idea of Buck feeling like flustered about it but not questioning it, letting Eddie treat him like his trophy wife and show him off. He cooks and cleans like the perfect housewife, and if it were up to Eddie, he would probably make Buck a stay-at-home mom lol

But seriously, Eddie would one hundred percent want to control every part of Buck's life! He definitely will not be satisfied just having control over their play and will push for control over everything. He wants to be the one making the decisions, he wants Buck to have a thought and turn to Eddie to find out if it's true or not, right or not, allowed or not. Like what Eddie wants is very extreme and he's definitely not gonna get everything he wants cuz Buck would never give up being a firerfighter, not even for Eddie, but he's gonna get something real close

Also Buck loves to be praised and loves to please Eddie, but he hates disappointing him because it triggers his fear that if he's not good enough Eddie will leave him. So I think all it would take is like one off hand comment from Eddie about the house being a mess or Buck being lazy for Buck to feel the need to prove himself by cleaning house or something lol

Honestly, i think Buck feeling a need to prove himself to Eddie will be a reoccurring theme, cuz i feel like Buck would feel the need to constantly prove he's good, to prove that he can take anything Eddie gives, that he won't ever back down. Like if Eddie wanted to torture his nipples until he was sobbing through an orgasm or something that Buck wouldn't really enjoy but he'd totally let Eddie do to him anyway, it would almost be a challenge, something Buck would probably view as something to overcome and endure just to please his daddy

So yeah, I imagine we will see some sub Buck! I also definitely want Eddie to get Buck a frilly apron at some point!

[kimkhimhant]

F for the ask game, please?

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK !!

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

omg okay this one is so hard because honestly i'm almost never satisfied with the dialogue i write.

I'm going to go with the scene in chapter 22 of TIGTW, when Kim and Chay have just moved in together. Specifically, this section:

“I told you from the beginning I want you to focus on getting better first, Phi,” he says. “That’s what you’re doing. That’s what I want you to do. I don’t, um, I don’t need you to do more than you can right now. I just want you to get better. And I want you to let me be here with you while you do, and when you are. I’m not asking for more than you can give me.” “You can, though. Ask for more. I would–” Kim almost says “I would give it to you” but he stops himself, and says instead, “I would try.”

I feel like it captures their characters and personalities pretty well. Chay's slightly rambling way of talking, and his habit of putting other's first. Even if he wants more, he won't ask for it, because he wants Kim to prioritize himself. And then Kim – he says a lot less, it's very concise, and it's also clear that there's a lot he's thinking and feeling that never makes it out of his mouth, which i think is a pretty defining aspect of who he is?

And I also just feel like their love for each other shows through very clearly in this scene almost to an unhealthy extent, how they want everything for each other and are both uncomfortable asking for much for themselves lol. we love codependence.

thank you again for the ask ! fanfic ask game

[haleigh-sloth]

I absolutely agreed with you on hawks! All of your thoughts are so close to mine but also one more aspect that I thought about is:

We usually talk about how endeavor makes hawks a stagnant character but we never see how hawks is bad for endeavor's personal CHARACTER development as well

Endeavor needs to be a father instead of a hero that is his whole arc and he has a hard time with it but the influence hawks has on him is so bad because he pushes him as a hero which is understandable in their situation BUT imagine mixing a character who puts heroism and the good of the people above anything else to the point where his heroism borderlines something sinister since he has no problem killing others to reach his goal

Now look at endeavor who is trying to put family first and atone? Hawks while thinking the bigger picture is actually pulling endeavor back from his own development by sheltering him from bad comments, afos manipulation, insisting he fights instead of pursuing his son

Like yes we can argue from a viewer perspective its better for wnji and touya to meet later but hawks is quite literally excusing everything and sheltering him they both represent the toxic side of heroism and i think that's interesting

I agree, like yeah technically their combination up is terrible for development on both parts.

But tbh I don’t see a lot of influence on Endeavor from Hawks? From what I see, Hawks is always there but Endeavor stays rather indifferent.

Maybe it’s just because there isn’t a whole lot of actual personal focus on either of them lately, like we have gotten no internal thoughts for either in a while.

But to me it seems so parasocial like, Hawks benefits from Endeavor’s presence (for his personal reasons) but Endeavor seems rather unaffected by Hawks’s support. Like he could take it or leave it and he would still suck as a dad and be forced into a corner before making the right choice.

I’m sure there is some negative effects on Endeavor from receiving that support of “you’re doing fine sweetie, keep doing you” from Hawks but the story doesn’t SHOW it or dive into it. I guess that’s why I’m kinda like “they both sucks regardless”.

They both suck and can’t grow unless Endeavor makes the right choice of his own volition and Hawks somehow reflects on what he did and revisits whether or not it was heroic for him to do it or not. Right now I’m pretty sure Hawks still views it as a necessary choice for the greater good killing Twice, so when he starts to develop he should maybe rethink that notion.

Endeavor…idk how the choice is gonna come up, but it will. And he’ll do what he’s supposed to do regardless of Hawks telling him to cover his ears and pretend not to hear.

But um, their whole dynamic is just 😬 yikes. Hate it. I get why it exists and it does make sense character wise. but I hate it lol.

[vampyrles]

I gets worse on twitter

fyi they see every lestat stan as a racist and a lunatic

bc they defend themselves, and call out unnecessary drama from the 'morals' of liking him, other people think they call all racism discussions the "unnecessary drama"

Thank you anon you’ve just given me more reasons to stay off Twitter LOL

Here’s how I feel about the racial aspects because I’m not sure if episode 5 just changed everything for everyone or what cause all these issues were apparent to me in episode 1.

I understand the racial issues they’ve put into the show to make Louis’ character and I think they are doing a very good job of showing that. And with saying that, it comes with as I believe, Lestat not purposefully being racist towards them, or having racist motives at all. I truly think he thinks Louis and Claudia and other people of color are treated wrongly — yet that doesn’t change him still unintentionally taking part in being racist in a racist america. He is just selfish and way past human issues. Like the trolley scene and that post someone made about it and the difference in seating. There’s a clear imbalance to how society views them all and it seeps into the relationship/family.

It’s definitely not something we shouldn’t talk about. This show is doing a very good job in showing racial discrimination, something that is very much still happening in present day america and I think these tough conversations are important.

Anyway what I’m trying to say is that they are showing Lestat, a white man, in a very divided country, in a biracial relationship, and I wish people would realize that. Cause yeah, Lestat would 10000% drag Claudia home after her running away, and he would 1000% take Louis to the opera in a part of town he isn’t welcomed and Lestat isn’t, as far as I can see, doing it because he is racist towards them. He is doing it because he is selfish and wants Claudia to stay with Louis and he wants Louis to come see the opera he likes with him — no matter how they feel about it.

He’s not very um, self aware? Or understanding? He will never understand how they feel about the difference in dynamic because he has never felt that type of discrimination. And he’s so separated from humanity at this point that he just doesn’t care, or just doesn’t let it bother him. And in turn he doesn’t see how badly it’s hurting the people he loves. And he clearly doesn’t think they themselves SHOULD care. I think he was hoping that once Louis was turned he would be less bothered by racism, but it didn’t go away at all. Instead Louis just felt more separated from humanity than he already felt and it just got worse.

Because I don’t think Louis, someone very aware and upset by racism his entire life, would stay with Lestat at all if he felt he was purposefully using his whiteness against him. In fact I don’t think they would’ve hung out from the start either. Louis clearly doesn’t put up with that shit. He even seems to go “👀 huh?” when Claudia starts referring to Lestat as their master. I think that’s a major issue between the characters and the focus of their unequal grounds, not only just that Lestat is a much older and stronger vampire, and it’s what the show is hugely about when it comes to those scenes.

Lestat baby you just don’t get it :( will he ever?! We will just have to see. Am I still gonna love him? Yeah sir.

[inkofamethyst]

September 26, 2022

I DID IT I DID IT I DID IT I HAD MY FIRST CONVERSATION WITH A POTENTIAL ADVISOR AND I THINK IT WENT REALLY WELL AHHHHH

Now that my list of places has been reduced significantly (down to only seven from the twelve I was originally thinking about omg), I’ve got a plan for when I’m contacting people.  I’ve got this, I’ve got this.  I will admit that I’m working my way up to contacting the Ivy League Dude though lol.  I need to be real intellectual for that conversation.

Also,,,, switching gears, Michael Giacchino has done it again.  The Lightyear soundtrack was really quite good.  Difficult to say if I’d call it memorable because I’m so biased towards The Incredibles and Ratatouille and Up and even Lost because those are iconic and they’ve had time to “age like fine wine.”  But it was good, and the movie was cute (and Chris Evans has a hot voice).  Honestly the whole ~gay kiss~ was sort of a blink-and-you-miss-it deal but I also understand that even that kind of representation is something that is fought for.  Not every piece of representation can be as overly-dramatic as the first interracial kiss on television, and sometimes that’s okay.

Speaking of movies, I also finally saw Inception and I have a few comments.  First, I really enjoyed it.  It sits in sort of the same category as Tenet and The Matrix and I enjoy that type of scifi (unless it’s confusing just to be confusing which was the case with Tenet I think, but maybe I just need to watch it again).  Second, the term “inception” literally just means the beginning of something.  And I’ve known that denotation for a while, but culturally, when someone says that something is “like Inception” they mean that it is confusing or multi-layered.  I didn’t find the movie confusing, but I did enjoy the layered aspect, and I think it’s really interesting how media can enter our lexicon that way.  Same with The Matrix: “oh I’ve seen [something weird], that must be a glitch in the matrix” is something that I vaguely understood had to do with a movie, but I didn’t really understand the reference until I saw the reference material, just that the connotation was “the world as we see it is a little strange, and perhaps there’s more to it than meets the eye.”  There was also the whole red-pill blue-pill thing which I’d heard but didn’t get at all until I watched the movie (I’m talking about the meanings pre-pillsphere, in case it wasn’t obvious).  Third, apparently the Inception soundtrack (which I listened to a bunch in high school because I was into “epic music” then (like Two Steps From Hell type stuff)) was sort of the ~inception~ of the epic cinematic music genre which Hans Zimmer is so well known for.  The hefty brass, the brazen percussion, the building strings, weightless climaxes followed by more brass... It’s really cool to contextualize such a defining piece of this genre that, truly, Hans Zimmer does best most successfully.  That man is everywhere.  Though, I do wonder if/when tastes will shift?

To switch gears entirely I’m not actively trying to date anyone right now (to be frank I’m going to be there’s a good chance I might be a miserable person until, like, March, and I don’t wanna put anyone else through that (this... this might be a manifestation of low self-esteem, actually, um, hm (I have half a mind to try my uni’s counselling center but I’m so busyyyy (and also I’ve got the whole “I’ll fix myself just you wait” issue which isn’t helping (and and and now that I’ve stated out loud that I’m going to I might be miserable ‘till March, this has really got me thinking that I might just get the whole seasonal affective disorder thing lol))))) but reading [_____] x reader headcannons for a fandom I don’t even really interact with much (showed up unprompted on my feed I promise) sure does have me feelin some kinda way (the kind of way that makes you want to pound on your desk, to be specific).  Listen I understand entirely that those are idealized fantasies and real life doesn’t work that way.  I like reading about the cute stuff but god help me if anyone lays a hand on me I might combust.

ANYWAY today I’m thankful that the conversation went well :)

[edit] It’s 2:30 in the morning but I sent my second potential advisor email out!!!  Time for bed, finally.

[whattarush]

LOUD psa: you CAN only watch 911 for buddie. don’t let people try to make you feel bad because buddie is your sole reason for watching the show. to some people it IS the buddie show so just let everyone be happy!!!!!! do what makes YOU happy. thank.

[kiss-inthekitchen]

all that you ask of me | loki laufeyson

summary: you and Loki have a discussion about your kinks, and you learn something about him that you weren’t expecting

wc: 1.5k

warnings: smutty themes!! talk of bdsm, both reader and loki are switches and they aren't chill about it, teasing, light degradation but in a cute way, sub!loki, dom!loki, f!reader. loki has huge bisexual switch energy and i had to put it in a fic

a/n: title is kind of unrelated lol it makes more sense in the next chapter. pls let me know if you like it, i love when u guys leave comments or tags !

It’s been a few weeks since you and Loki had started dating and your sexual chemistry has been insane, which was a surprise to neither of you. You’d started out as friends, and even then, any time Loki had so much as brushed his fingers along your skin you felt something akin to electricity spike through your body. And though he was loath to admit it at first, Loki felt the same. So, once you finally gave in to your mutual feelings for each other, things only got more exciting.

Though the two of you had been having sex for weeks, you hadn’t really done anything too spicy yet, still getting used to this new aspect of your relationship. Now, though, you’d decided it would be a good idea to get it all out there, rather than try to figure it out as you went along. Besides, something about the idea of talking things out with Loki like it was nothing more than a casual conversation was thrilling to you.

You and Loki were sitting on the couch, your legs resting in his lap as he absentmindedly soothed circles into one of your calves. You smiled fondly at the way he always had to be touching some part of you. The two of you had covered a few topics already, going over safewords (you were partial to the traffic light system, and Loki agreed) and some of your hard limits, and now you were on to the fun part. Specifically, a rather exciting interest your partner had just confessed to.

“You know,” you mused, unable to keep the teasing smile off your face, “I wouldn’t have expected you to be into submission, what with your whole...thing.”

“My whole thing?” He repeated, raising his eyebrows at your choice of words. You suppressed a laugh. He probably would’ve spent more time on his faux outrage if the look on your face wasn’t so damn cute. “Yes, well. I am full of surprises, aren’t I?”

You hummed in response. “I mean, I had hoped you’d be into it. Or, I guess, fantasized, would be the better w-”

“Did you?” He cut you off, sounding all too pleased.

“Oh, for a while now,” you smirked.

“You’ve been holding out on me,” he said, the admiration in his eyes shifting to smugness as he continued, “I wouldn’t expect you to be a dom, what with your whole thing.”

You made a show of rolling your eyes at him. He wasn’t wrong, though. Compared to Loki, you were much more bubbly and warm, not that he was really so cold anymore, but he was still… him. On top of that, your style tended to lean more toward pastel colors, though lately you were known to also rock some dark green tones. You supposed that from the outside, people would assume you to be the more submissive one in the relationship. Which you definitely could be, but your tastes went both ways.

“Okay, I deserved that,” you relented. “Now come on, tell me what I want to know.”

“Okay, well. I’ve no problem with bondage, as I’m sure you know.”

“You do seem to end up in chains quite often, my love. But... not sexually?” You’d meant for it to be a statement, but then you realized you actually had no idea, your voice lilting up into a question.

He fixed you with a look that very clearly told you you’d been wrong.

Well, okay then. “Right,” you responded, a little breathier than before, trying not to let your imagination run wild just yet. Loki squeezed your ankle playfully, bringing you back before you could lose focus. “So, is there anything you’re not okay with, bondage-wise? Like, collars, ties, cuffs…?” You trailed off.

He thought for a moment. “No, it’s all fine with me. What about you?”

“Cuffs kinda freak me out, actually. I don’t have superhuman strength and all.”

“Noted. Oh, one thing I do want to mention- I’m going to have to ask that you refer to me exclusively as ‘Your Majesty’ when I’m in charge,” he said, expression unwavering.

Your mouth dropped open for a second before you asked, “Wait, seriously?”

He broke into a mischievous grin. “No. But if you’d really like to, I suppose I wouldn’t stop you,” he said the last bit thoughtfully, and you playfully hit his arm with the back of your hand in admonishment. “Ooh, harder,” he said, still with an air of mischief, though you got the sense he wasn’t entirely kidding.

“Loki!” you gasped.

“Alright,” he laughed lightly. “Great God of Mischief will work just as well.”

“I am not calling you that.”

“You’re being so difficult.”

“Will you just tell me what you like to be called already? If you carry on like this, I swear, I will call you Captain.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” he said, glaring at you, and you raised an eyebrow as if to ask, care to test that theory? “Okay, I yield. But, honestly, it depends on the scene. If you’re comfortable with it, I’ll have you call me ‘sir’ most of the time, ‘daddy’ on special occasions. You’re a smart girl. I trust that you’ll know when those occasions come about.”

You just nodded, your mouth suddenly feeling dry. Why were you having such a reaction to Loki calling you a smart girl? He’d definitely noticed.

“What would you like to be called? When you’re the dominant?” Loki asked, saving you from your thought spiral.

“Oh, um. Ma’am is fine. None of the other terms really work for me, I don’t know why, they just seem kind of… too much, I guess,” you over-explained, feeling your cheeks start to heat up.

“Ma’am is just fine?” Loki pressed.

“No, it’s- it’s good. I, um, really like it.” Your cheeks flamed even hotter now, your gaze trained on the couch cushion.

Loki reached out and lifted your chin gently with his thumb and forefinger, making you look at him. “Come now, you were doing so well. Don’t get shy on me now,” he said, voice taking on that deep timbre that made you feel like all the air had been sucked out of the room.

“Okay,” you breathed, your mind gone completely blank as you looked at him.

“Good girl,” he said softly. He didn’t miss the way your body reacted to the praise, a smug smirk plastered on his face.

Bastard. You narrowed your eyes at him, shaking your head slightly to clear it. “That’s not fair,” you countered weakly.

“Isn’t it? I’m just trying to figure out what you like,” he feigned innocence.

“Right,” you said, only a little petulantly, trying to think of what else you wanted to ask him before he’d distracted you. “How do you feel about degradation?” You blurted out. “Receiving, I mean.”

That caught him off guard, to your great enjoyment. “I- I’m not sure. No one’s ever tried it.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “You’ve been tied up but no one’s ever called you names?”

“No,” he responded, frowning slightly. You could practically see the gears turning in his head. “I think I might be okay with it.”

“My honey, you’ve been so deprived,” you said with a pout. It was your turn to have a little fun now. “So,” you started, trailing your fingertips up his forearm, drawing his attention to your touch before you continued. “If, for example, I had you on your knees, and you were being so good for me, and I just happened to call you my obedient little slut-” he inhaled sharply, and you couldn’t help but grin, “-you would, theoretically, be okay with that?” You looked up into his eyes, seeing the flash of desire that had settled there.

“I think that would be acceptable,” he spoke, clearly putting in effort to keep his voice even.

You smiled, pleased with yourself. It was cute that he still tried to seem unaffected when you could literally feel the way his cock had stiffened against you. You shifted the position of your leg in his lap, lightly brushing against him, and he gasped.

“Pathetic,” you chide.

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. As much as he may try to seem unimpressed with your teasing, he was certainly susceptible to it. “If you want us to get through the rest of the conversation, you’re going to have to stop that,” he says, but it comes out more like a plea than an order, and he’s sure that you’re going to be the death of him.

You chuckle, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. “Oh, this is gonna be so much fun.”

“It seems I’ve underestimated you, dearest,” he says, tone laced through with affection.

You bring a hand up to cup his cheek, drawing him closer to press a sweet kiss to his lips.

“Well, that’s a mistake we won’t make twice. Isn’t it, love?”

[iwadori]

Oh my God, I just saw your angst iwa fic with the pregnant reader and then looked for more fics on your blog and I fell in love with it???❤❤ + ayeee another demon slayer lover here 😭can I maybe be an emoji anon?:"D I would love to chat with you but a little bit to shy

And I hope its also okay if I request something: Can you maybe do Tendou and Iwaizumi making the reader insecure? ( maybe where the reader gets jealous/ insecure because some fangirls are flirting with them and they say something like "maybe you are to insecure/jealoue" and they are scared that they will leave them?)

Hope you have a great day <3

When they make you insecure PT 4/ Dating your brothers teammate PT3

When they make you insecure:

Part One  Part Two  Part Three  Part Four Part Five Part six

Dating your brothers teammate:

Part One Part Two Part Three

Word Count: 2.1K

Genre: angst,fluff

masterlist

Authors Note: Thank you so much for liking my other works, and OF COURSE you can message me/be a continous anonymous ask. BTW if anybody wants to privately message me just to talk or whatever or ask me questions on my asks they can!! And IK this wasn’t technically what you asked for but I hope this is good enough <3 (I will most likely do Iwaizumi in the next part) by the way this is NOT proofread (so expect mistakes)

Tendou

You and tendou have been talking since you were in your first year and his second.

So you weren’t officially dating.

He was interested in what the second ushijima would be like.

You were just like your brother, sharp and stoic but great in everything you do and it seemed that Tendou took a liking to that.

You entered your brother's dorm room in the hopes of finding Tendou, but unluckily it was just Ushijima reading his magazines. “He’s not in here,” he said before you could even ask about your crush's whereabouts.  

As you were about to leave the room, Ushijima asked you to sit down for a moment so he could to you “yess toshi?” you said already bored.

“Are you and Tendou dating?” he asked

“Umm I-” You didn’t really know what to say, since you and Tendou haven’t officially put a label on things (as much as you wanted him too.) “Not really dating per se, just going through the motions...i guess” you said with uncertainty.

“Going through the motions?” Ushijima questioned more to himself then to you.  

“Don’t worry about it Toshi” you say ruffling his hair

“I’m just checking to make sure you’re okay Y/N” he said seriously “Oh and by the way when you and Tendou are about to have se-”

“La La La La La” you say putting your fingers in your ears “I do not need a sex-ed lesson from you nii-san" you swiftly leave the room a tad bit grossed out.

“Oh and by the way Tendou is probably in Eita’s and Kenjirou’s room.” he calls.

You excitedly skip over to Semi’s and Shirabu’s room happy to see your boyfriend ‘friend.’ Walking to the door, before you open it, you hear Tendou talking to Semi and Shirabu and the conversation topic seems to be about you.  

“How are things going with Y/N Tendou” Semi asked “You’re practically dating now. Right?”

“Well Semi-sem, I wouldn’t say that...” Tendou said, making you furry your eyebrows in confusion. “Y/N is a bit, you know... what’s the right word” he thinks, “Boring.”

You step back abit from the door, shocked. ‘Boring?’ How were you boring... You were hurt. Especially since you’ve heard the insult of you being boring your whole life, you knew that you took after your brother in most aspects but that didn’t make neither you or your brother boring. You’ve even have voiced that specific insecurity (about you being boring) where Tendou always assured you that you were the most interesting person he’s ever met.

You went back into Ushijima’s room since it was the closest place and you knew you could always go to your brother whenever you were upset or just in need of someone to listen to you rant about anything. Upon your entering, Ushijima looks up at you and before he could ask what was wrong you wrapped your arms around him and just burst out crying. Awkwardly, Ushijima pats your back not really knowing what to do. He waits for you to calm down before asking you “What’s wrong Y/N?”

“h-he called me boring...” you cried again slightly, “I heard him talking with Semi and Shirabu”

“Well I don’t think you a boring, not at all Y/N” he said handing you a tissue so that you can wipe your eyes and blow your nose “Do you need me to talk with him?”

“No!” You exclaimed “Don’t talk to him...I’ll handle it.” You knew that him and Tendou talking wouldn’t turn out right, because you weren’t even dating in the first place and Ushijima would definitely deep the situation more then needs be.  

“Ushiwaka I brought some snacks for us” said a cheerful sounding Tendou entering the room. His voice faltered when he saw a teary eyed you wrapped up in her brothers arm. “Y/N-chan are you alright?”  

“Yeah I’m fine” you respond dryly “Well I’ll be going...thanks Toshi”  

You leave the room not looking Tendou in the eye leaving him confused. He thought you would be happy to see him, although he knew you weren’t officially ‘together’ or whatever so he didn’t get why you seemed mad.

“Hey Ushiwaka, what’s wrong with Y/N” he asked  

“She said I am not allowed to discuss it with you.” Ushijima replied flipping through his magazine

‘So there is a problem..’ Tendou thought trying to think of things that could spur up your problem with him.

When you were heading to your room, you bumped into Semi and Shirabu who seemed to be heading towards your brother. “Hey Y/N” they greeted simultaneously

“hi guys..” you said sniffling  

They could see that you were sad and didn’t want to pry, so in an attempt to make you feel better Semi said “One of our friends, I think someone from Karasuno is having a party do you wanna come with us.” Just then, a lightbulb went off in your head and you thought of the best idea to really show Tendou you aren’t boring and you can also make your ‘boy’ friend jealous at the same time.

You immediately perk up and smile at the boys surprising them, “Sure, I'd love to go pick me up at 8?” you ask making them nod as you rush back to your dorm room to find something to wear.  

After basically emptying your wardrobe, you find something to wear (a little black dress to be precise) you couldn’t deny that you were hot in general but right now in this dress there was no dispute about how beautiful you are.

Semi knocks on your door right at 8pm, his eyes widening seeing how you look. You gave him a knowing smirk making the tips of his ears go red, “should we be going now...?” you ask as he was stood there frozen staring at you,

“Uhm yeah sure” he said awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck feeling a little bit embarrassed.

Entering the party, a lot of eyes were on both you and Semi in jealousy and in want. You were both the most attractive ‘couple’ in the room and it was obvious that you both knew that. Tendou was already there sitting in the corner of the room with the rest of the Shiratorizawa boys, he had of bit of anger brewing in the pit of his stomach at the sight of you on Semi’s arm.

“Semi! My twin, welcome to the party!” Yelled a boy who looked kind of like Semi, making Semi roll his eyes

“Hi, I’m Sugawara but you can just call me suga” he says to you extending his hand “and you are...”

“Oh Hi! I’m Ushijima Y/N” you replied back giving his hand a shake

“I see, Ushiwaka’s little sister...cute” he says smiling in your face “Well I’ve got to now and make sure certain teammates of mine aren’t blowing up my house or anything so talk to you soon”

“You do kind of look the same Semi” you say to him teasingly

“Oh, shut up Y/N” he says jokingly making you laugh pretty loudly putting your arm on his bicep (forearm I don’t know the body part lol.) You look over to Tendou and you could tell he was getting bothered by your interaction with Semi making it even more enjoyable to you.

“Semi, do you wanna dance?” you ask batting your eyelashes at him, throwing him off. “Um okay.”

You were being a bit wild with your movements whilst dancing with Semi (since you’re obviously not the usual party-goer) but you were enjoying yourself nevertheless.  

“Are you okay Y/N?” Semi asks you  

“Yeah why wouldn’t I be” you respond

“Um...it’s just that you’ve been a bit weird tonight and I’ve seen the staring matches you and Tendou have been having” he says “Is everything alright with both of you?”

He leads you over to somewhere more private so that you could properly talk, “So what's been going on with the two of you.”

“You should know more than me Semi” you sigh “You were there when he called me boring”

“I don’t think he meant it th-” he starts  

“I don’t care what he meant to be honest, I just wanted to prove to him more so prove to myself that I’m not boring. Cause I don’t think I am.” you say

“You’re not Y/N” he says looking at you “Of course you aren’t.”

“I guess so... it doesn’t even matter I shouldn’t even be so upset, since me and Tendou aren’t actually dating.” you mumbled looking away

“Tendou really likes you Y/N” he says turning your body so you’re so looking at him “He talks about you all the time, since he thinks you’re amazing.”

You’re now staring into each other's eyes “And that’s because you are amazing Y/N” his words make you smile and look down slightly. Maybe it was just because you were both in the heat of the moment, but Semi lips up your chin so you’re both directly in front of each other and you then subconsciously lean into his face closing your eyes (with him doing the same.) And just as your lips were about to touch you hear a,

“What the fuck is happening here!” you look to your left and see both Tendou and Ushijima. With Tendou having his mouth agape and Ushijima having his usual monotone expression on. Tendou rushes over to you and grips your arm pulling your arm up, making you wince slightly and him lessening his grip on you. He pulls you into the bathroom and sits you down on the toilet (the lid is closed) and he leans against the sink.

“What’s your problem with me Y/N” he says sounding pretty fed up.

“Nothing...I don’t see why you care … It’s not like we’re dating or anything” you say mumbling the last part.

“Oh so that’s your problem!” he exclaims, kind of happy that he cracked the code on why you were mad at him.

“No my problem is that you think Im boring” you whine  

“Boring... I don’t think I ever sai-” he pauses realizing what you were referring too “Oh you heard me when I was with Semi-sem and Shirapoo... we thought we heard someone outside”

You sat there with a bored expression on your face waiting for an explanation, “I never said you were boring, well I did. But I assume you miss what I really said was ‘Boring. No that’s also the wrong word too she’s blunt it’s like I’m talking to a girl version of Ushijima sometimes it’s spooky.... but besides that, I really like her’ that’s what I said”

Oh, ‘I guess that makes sense,’ you think... because you were shocked that Tendou would call you boring in the first place so it makes more sense that he didn’t even fully mean that and you just didn’t hear the full thing.

“Oh” you say, looking down feeling a bit embarrassed  

"I really like you Y/N... and I know you’ve been waiting on me to ask you to be my girlfriend and I’m sorry for not doing it sooner, I just didn’t think we needed a label since we both knew what we were” he says kneeling down to be at your eye level “But obviously when I saw you dancing and flirting with Semi I realised what I gotta do... so Y/N Ushijima my ‘miracle girl’ will you be my girlfriend”  

“Of course,” you say giving him a hug  

“Oh, and Y/N...” he starts “were you really about to kiss semi” he asks in a jokey way “you would’ve been left with a permanent scowl left on your face” making you laugh.

After spending quite some time in the bathroom with Tendou, you finally leave and see Ushijima just standing outside patiently waiting.  

“Umm Toshi-nii what are you doing?” you ask  

“Just making sure you’re okay Y/N.” he says looking at both you and Tendou and then your hands that are holding each other's “Ahh I see you two are now boyfriend and girlfriend”

“Yes indeed we are Ushiwaka, I finally asked her!” Tendou replied

“Oh that’s good.” Ushijima nods at both at you as you start walking off to return to the party “Also Tendou, when you and Y/N have se-”

“Gosh Toshi, stop with the sex talk” you say putting your hands on your ears making Tendou laugh.

You and Tendou have so much fun in your relationship, always enjoying the time you spend together. There were no big problems with you two, besides minor arguments but if there ever was a problem you could always go to your big brother who had the best advice to give whether it was on relationships, plants or sex.

[smellslikemultifandomimagines]

an nsfw alphabet from Jason todd of titans please

pairing: jason todd x fem!reader

warnings: smut → nsfw alphabet

headcanon 🖤

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:• ☾ ☼ ☽ •:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

requests for the sleepover are open🖤!

request guidelines here✨!

smut night masterlist

🌻masterlist🌻

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Jason would be super cute!!

He’d run a bath, ask if you’re okay, cuddle

If you were feeling sore, he’d get a cold cloth for you

And would pepper you in kisses bc he knows how lucky he is to have you

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Tits and ass — I think that’s a given with Jason ahah

His favourite body part of his would probably be arms i suppose

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

ahh he'd love to make you cum!

honestly i think it's like a hobby for him - to make you feel good, not because he feels he has to, but because he knows he can

i'd imagine he'd love cumming on your tits

and my lord, don't get me started if you ever squirted (not that he'd expect you to, but if you ever did homeboy would just be like :o)

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

i feel like jason would have a big thing for pda - to be able to show you off (not like a trophey kind of thing / controlling way) would be of considerable value to him

it would be more to show everyone that you're together - that he can show everyone, including you of course ahah, how good of a boyfriend he can be for you

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

You know what, probably not a lot

Maybe he’s experienced sex with a previous girlfriend, but that’ll be about it

I think with you, he’d be a little bit more open to experimenting things??

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy ahaha

I bet he could fuck harder, faster, and generally better when you’re on all fours in front of him

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Ahh Jason would love a good laugh

Like I don’t think sex with him is all serious anyway

i kind of feel like he wouldn't believe that you had to be serious in order to be intimate ya know

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Um probably ahah I mean have you seen how he does his hair?

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

as mentioned before, i think he'd just take the moment as it is

whether the two of you are having super cute, intimate sex or whether you guys are simply fucking

that being said though, jason would be super into special occasions, be it either one of your birthdays, any anniversaries, or even after a cute date

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

lmao it's pretty much cannon that jason jacks off so i'd say he'd do it a fair bit

however, since the two of you got together (or if you're fwb), he doesn't really feel the need bc he's got you

but on some occasions when you're not available or not even at the tower bc you're working with donna or something and he really needs you, that's when i reckon he'd do it

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

I’ve actually talked about this before 🥰

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

His room for starters

But would love sneaky sex in the tower bathroom, especially in the shower

Bet they’d be one time when everyone was out, leaving you and Jason alone in the tower and you’d fuck on every piece of furniture there is ahah

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

when you tease him!!

praising

when you and him are training and it gets competitive

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Probably anything that’ll make you uncomfortable tbh

Plus maybe unusual kinks like golden showers or anything like that

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Giving! Giving! giving!

He is such a giver

And honestly he would go down on you for hours if he could

He loves having your thighs shake around his head while he’s eating you out or how your body would shake when you cum around his cock while he fucks you

but i mean that being said, he'd also love when you go down on him too aha

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Okay so here’s the thing: I think it depends

As much as Jason loves hard and fast, I feel like he’d also love slow and sensual

Especially when the two of you are first becoming intimate with each other

Bc I feel like we can’t deny the fact that he’ll be nervous as hell sometimes

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Literally before training

Or after training when the others are in the shower or eating in the kitchen

Before bed

When you wake up

Literally anytime you and him are alone, you’re either fucking or doing actual cute stuff like watching a movie or something

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

lmao yeah just like i said before, he'd love risking it in the kitchen / bathroom - especially when the others are home

jason would be pretty open to experimenting too tbh - sex is quite the exploration task, isn't it?

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

That boy has stamina, are you kidding me?! Like have you seen him train?

Homeboy could go for hours

But I feel like it would switch between you two of you being on top ya know

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I feel like he’d be open to toys like vibrators and handcuffs - i mean that boy seems super kinky, right?

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

orgasm. Denial.

He loves watching you plead, squirm, whine — literally do anything to cum

He’d love taking his hand away, or taking his cock out at random moments, watching you with such cockiness and arrogance as you beg him to make you cum

I feel like he’d love sensual play too — teasing you while your tied up and/or blindfolded would be such a kicker for him

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Soft — anything ranging from grunts, to small moans that slip through his bitten lip

honestly, he'd rather hear you than hear himself moan lmao

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

jason would have a thing for hearing you beg

i can imagine it's such an ego booster for him - i mean he's arrogant and cocky enough, and having you beg and whine for him just boosts it

ooh also when he's fucked you so good, you're lying on the bed completely fucked out and exhausted

and bonus points if you can't walk all that well the next day lmao

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

lol i think he'd have a pretty nice cock ya know

not too big, not too small

he'd know how to use it though

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Ahaha I think we all know he’s one horny bitch

So literally anytime you feel up to it, he’s ready

Or even just any chance you get to fuck, he’s already prepared ahah

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

i dont think he'd fall asleep straight away

like he'd maybe wait for you to fall asleep while he plays with your hair

on some occasions though he might be super quick to fall asleep, especially after a rough and/or hard day of training and he's just super exhausted

[chosonore]

cynosure

cynosure [noun. one that serves to direct or guide; a center of attraction or attention]

pairing: sukuna/f!reader

summary: in which sukuna re-discovers being human one aspect at a time, through many lifetimes, at the price of losing you over and over.

wordcount: 8.7k

content/warnings: reincarnation au, slow burn but also not really because there's only hints of romance? language, it's not canon at all, just pretend sukuna was never sealed away, lowercase is intended

a/n: this is more self-indulgent tbh sukuna is probably uncharacteristically soft? sometimes i'm reminded of the fact that he used to be human and while we don't exactly know how he became a curse just yet, i kinda felt sad about it lol i'm too sympathetic with everything, it's gonna kill me one day fhuierhfa a lot of these moments are based on my own experiences, where i had to remind myself that even the small things in life are really good and important, especially during the pandemic. that being said, i hope you enjoy and stay safe everyone :) (and please don’t judge me too hard on this lol i haven’t written in like what. six years?)

001.

“oh,” you stared at the tall, pink-haired man in front of you. “i didn’t think anyone would be here around this time…” he stared back at you, not replying nor making any move to scoot over so that you could sit on your bench. it was only then that you noticed the black markings framing his face and adorning his wrists. you were a little dumbfounded - your mother had always said that you had a poor survival instinct. though you supposed that his pink hair eased your nerves a little; surely someone with pink hair couldn’t be as evil. but you couldn’t recall ever seeing someone like this around the proximity of your village. maybe he was a vagrant. 

“i don’t mean to be rude but… that’s my bench and i would appreciate if you could maybe… scooch over?” you asked gingerly, not wanting to upset the stranger. you approached him slowly, grasping your basket tightly. if he got a little rowdy, maybe you could just wack him with the basket, right? although it probably won’t hurt but it surely would stun him long enough for you to run.

“i don’t see why i should move just because it’s your bench,” the stranger answered gruffly, crossing his arms. were you naive or just stupid? “do you not know who you’re talking to, woman?” 

you cocked your head to the side, not sure what he meant. maybe he was one of those famous poets or musicians that your parents liked to talk about. you weren’t entirely sure. even though he sounded annoyed, the look in his eyes didn’t quite match the hostility - he looked rather bored, unamused even, but not hostile. maybe you could humour him a little. “am- am i supposed to know you? i’ve never been outside of the village so i don’t know much. only what the merchants tell me. i apologize if i’ve offended you,” you explained hastily, then pointing at your basket. “i just came here to enjoy the sunrise. um, today is my birthday, so i treated myself to some dessert!”

“if- if you scooch over a litte, i could share some with you…” you tried to bargain with him. now you were truly starting to sound desperate but this was your favourite spot and it was the first time in a while that you had a free day to relax. out of all days, just why did he have to be here now? you’d be damned if you let your day get ruined by this unfriendly stranger. 

“are you trying to bribe me?” the stranger narrowed his eyes at you and you thought this was it. he was going to kill you and bury your body in the forest and your parents would come look for you, only to find your empty basket and then start a huge search party to find you and- the pink haired man moved to the side, refusing to look you in the eyes. “sit.”

you let out a squeak in glee, quickly taking a seat beside him. he watched in silence as you unwrap your desserts, glancing at the objects in question. even though you’d offered to share with him, he didn’t actually expect you to give him some of your food. sukuna was surprised when you handed him a… round squishy thing? 

“what is that? how is that going to satiate me?” he asked, almost offended, which made you giggle. you didn’t reply, instead thrusting the mochi towards him until he begrudgingly took it, closely inspecting it in suspicion. 

“that’s a daifuku mochi. it’s made out of rice flour and filled with red bean paste. but come to think of it… do you even like sweets? i’m sorry if you don’t particularly enjoy it,” you explained and grabbed one as well. you were about to bite into your mochi when you saw the stranger opening his mouth, ready to devour the entire mochi in one go. in horror, you quickly grabbed his wrist to stop him, only to have him suddenly pin you down and tower over you.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry!” you hastily said, now suddenly aware of the dark, threatening aura that he was emitting. maybe he was a killer after all. “i just didn’t want you to eat it in one go! they’re kind of difficult to eat in one go… plus you’re supposed to savour and enjoy it, take your time eating it!” 

sukuna stared at the girl in disbelief, you’d grabbed him out of nowhere just to stop him from eating too fast? not only were you not aware of who he was, you apparently did not know how to be cautious around strangers. it irked him that you were acting like he was a harmless human being. so much so that he briefly contemplated killing you. “who are you to tell me how to eat?” he growled at you, not softening his grip. he saw the panic and fear in your eyes but for some reason, he couldn’t quite put a finger on it, it didn’t fill him with joy as it usually did.

“i’m just telling you how we usually eat mochi!” you harrumphed, now annoyed that he was acting like you just committed murder. “you didn’t know what these were, so i was just trying to explain! food is supposed to be enjoyed, not ravished all at once. you have to appreciate your food because there might be days where you won’t have any. and besides, enjoying and properly tasting your meal is the least you can do to show gratitude to the person who cooked it for you.” sukuna let up and sat back on his previous spot, seemingly accepting your answer. you sat up, adjusting your yukata and pouted at him. what a rude stranger! you at least expected an apology from him but seeing that he was already taking a bite from his mochi, you guessed you should just let it go. it wasn’t worth getting angry over anyways, not on this day.

“why are you looking at me like that, little girl?” sukuna questioned, taking another bite from his mochi. he did actually enjoy it and it took every bone in his body not to hastily eat more and to savour it like you’d told him to. maybe this wasn’t so bad after all, it made him think about his meals a little more. not eating for the sake of eating, but for enjoyment, he mused. sort of like living for enjoyment, not for the sake of living. 

“you never told me your name,” the girl replied innocently. sukuna sighed. so you really weren’t aware of who he was. “my name is y/n! now it’s only fair if you tell me, especially because i shared my food with you. please?”

before sukuna could reply, he sensed someone quickly approaching. they were hiding somewhere in the forest; it likely was a jujutsu sorcerer, trying to exorcise him. he could deal with them later, but not here, not with you around. the girl looked at him in disappointment when he abruptly stood up, turning towards the forest behind them. unfortunately, he had the inkling that you wouldn’t let it go until he answered: “my name is sukuna, king of curses.” your eyes widened in recognition but you didn’t immediately react or scramble away from him, most likely frozen in fear. 

“now go. someone is coming and you do not want to be in the crossfire.”

002.

as a seamstress, you’ve encountered all kinds of customers. ranging from rude and bratty to eternally grateful, you’ve seen it all. your supervisor had always told you to remain calm and polite, to just adhere to their wishes to not cause any ruckus. after all, people of status often assumed that they were untouchable and could treat others poorly. it wasn’t worth the hassle to start a fight with them, you could lose your job after all. there was moments you’d have to stand up for yourself but this wasn’t it. fortunately, your employer paid you well, enough for you to provide for your family. the customers were high-profile after all.

you looked at the clock on the wall, your next customer was supposed to come soon. it was a nobleman that apparently travelled here from far away, having heard that the store offered beautiful, one of a kind fabrics. you just hope that he wasn’t rude and that you could leave in time. you’d been working overtime for weeks now, taking every appointment and customer that you could get. your mother’s birthday was approaching and you’d been saving up to buy some of the soft and silky fabrics to sew her a new yukata. your mother had always sacrificed her own comfort to buy the best items she could afford for your siblings and you and now that you were older, you could finally treat her to something nice as well. your employer was even willing to give you a small discount and you gratefully took up on her offer.

the chime of the doorbell made you look up, the good feeling in your stomach slowly fading when you saw who entered. you were familiar with the customer after all; he was well known in the area, being a rather volatile and sometimes scary aristocrat who had the reputation to be particularly difficult and having outrageous demands. you hastily stood up, brushing the wrinkles out of your clothing and walking over to greet him. you bowed politely, taking the outerwear that he took off and placing it on a nearby armchair. “sir, i’ll bring you a few samples shortly. do you have any colour or pattern preferences?” you asked him, placing a pot of tea and a cup on the small side table for him to enjoy. you made note of his wishes and disappeared in the storage room to pick up the samples. the customer had made himself at home, eyeing you scrutinizingly. he made you queasy, looking so incredibly unfriendly and you could tell that you were not going home early tonight.

you showed each of the fabrics to him, explaining what materials they were made of and what occasions they were good for but with each explanation, he just looks more and more uninterested. not to mention the snarky remarks he made, seemingly not happy of the choices you presented him. you were running out of options and you didn’t know what else to do to please him when suddenly you heard someone enter the shop. both the customer and you looked over confused - you weren’t expecting any more customers today, it was already late after all. a tall, pink-haired man entered the shop, scowling at your customer. you jumped slightly; he looked scary and you were terrified, not sure what to do in this situation. not only were the black markings on his face and body terrifying, there was also a threatening aura surrounding him, dark and slowly spreading out, all your instincts were screaming at you to run. should you politely ask him to leave? he looked like he wouldn’t take it too well. before you could ask him whether he was looking for something, the stranger spoke up: “you know who i am, leave.”

your eyes widened, slowly inching back towards the back of the store. you were not aware of who this man was but by the looks of your pale-faced customer, he surely did. “this is outrageous!” he exclaimed indignantly, jumping out of his seat. “you can’t just burst in here and demand that i leave! i have an appointment! are you aware of how long the waiting list is? this is the finest shop in the entire prefecture and i would rather die than to give up my spot for a scoundrel like you.” the stranger raised his eyebrows at the shorter man, clicking his tongue in annoyance. you slowly reached out to grab your pair of scissors. they probably weren’t of much use but it made you feel more safe, knowing you could at least somehow defend yourself.

“oh? you would rather die? i’m sure that can be arranged,” the stranger threatened and it was with horror that you watched his fingernails, sharp and pointy, grow in size. he wasn’t human, you’d just encountered a monster. he would kill you and it wouldn’t take him much effort to do so, you were sure he could just stab you with those fingernails. your customer squeaked and left the store in panic, slamming the door in the process, while you quickly hid behind the counter. you hoped he would leave you alone, you didn’t want to get involved. this wasn’t your problem, you were innocent and it was an unfortunate coincidence for you to be here. 

“stop hiding,” the stranger commanded, slowly approaching the counter. you peeked from below the counter, holding your breath. what else could he possibly want from you? demons surely didn’t need money. oh god, was he going to kidnap you?

he swiftly rounded the corner and knelt down to take a closer look at you - you couldn’t react fast enough, he’d already grabbed your chin and made you look at him, turning your head from side to side as he examined you. his fingernails were slightly digging into your skin, making your face scrunch up in discomfort. “so it is you,” he exclaimed in a low voice, then abruptly standing back up. you were confused - what did he mean by that? at least he didn’t kill you, at least not yet. but what else could he possibly want from you? “i need a new kimono. that scumbag just left anyways, make one for me instead.”

a kimono? a simple kimono? you couldn’t believe what you just heard. this demon just came in here, threw a fit but all he wanted was a simple kimono? you couldn’t help but scoff at the situation though it probably was difficult to enter a store without people fleeing or refusing to serve him. while he did look human, the markings on his face made it difficult not to feel threatened. but why did he know you? you had never seen this man in your life before. not in passing, not on drawings, nowhere. no matter how hard you wracked your brain, you just couldn’t recall. “d- do you have any- any colour preference?” you questioned him, watching how he took a seat and grabbed himself the cup of tea. 

“white,” he answered curtly, taking a sip from the tea. “i’ll leave everything else up to you.”

you felt uncomfortable but there was nothing else you could do than follow his orders. you grabbed a few plain white fabric samples and slowly inched over to him, holding them out with your trembling hands. “what?” he deadpanned. you huffed in frustration. 

“sir, you should… you should choose the fabric. it’s your kimono after all, you might not like the feeling of the fabric or it might not be a good fit for your everyday life,” you explained.

“i don’t care, just choose whatever. i’m above the comfort you stupid mortals choose.”

“that’s stupid,” the words left your mouth quicker than you could stop yourself and you slapped your hands over your mouth. the stranger looked at you as equally shocked. “i mean- i mean there’s nothing wrong with indulging in comfortable clothes!” you explained quickly, pressing the samples into his hands. “see you wouldn’t like scratchy clothes, right? or fabric that quickly makes you sweat or feel too warm! i always talk to my customers about what kinds of fabrics they would prefer… i believe life is too short to wear ill-fitting clothes or ones that don’t feel comfortable! good clothing should make you feel like… like a warm hug.”

the stranger didn’t look like he understood what you meant, making you scoff again. some people really didn’t care about what they wore and how they looked like and it just bothered you. good quality fabrics and well tailored clothing could make you feel confident and safe, even in the worst situations. how could you possibly relax if your clothing was maybe scratchy or ill-fitting? “i’ll prove it to you!” you exclaimed and left the room to gather your supplies, then coming back to instruct him where and how to stand so you could take his measurements. now that he was towering over you, you were suddenly very aware of how tall and broad he was. you felt like a dwarf next to him. up close, you noticed more details about him. he was attractive, you couldn’t deny that - the long wispy eyelashes, the watchful ruby eyes and his soft-looking pink hair. if he picked up on your staring, he didn’t comment on it.

once you were done taking notes and choosing fabrics, you gave him a slip of paper, noting down time and date for him to come back to pick the kimono up. “as for payment-” you started but the stranger dropped a huge bag of coins on the counter. you gasped, pushing the bag back into his arms. “sir, that’s too much! i’ll calculate the exact price for you but-” 

“take it,” he insisted and pushed it back towards you. “i have enough. you need the money right? see it as a generous tip.” your face flushed, you didn’t even know what to say and instead only profusely thanked him. it was so much money, the tip was enough to cover your family’s expenses for a year.

when sukuna picked up his kimono weeks later, he still didn’t understand what a hassle you made about the choice of fabrics and why you were so diligent in taking the measurements. he was fine with everything as long as he had something to wear in the first place. he didn’t care, he wasn’t a measly human that whined about the mildest inconvenience. in the private of his abode, he tried the kimono on, abruptly halting his movements as soon as the fabric touched his skin. so the girl was right, the fabric did feel incredibly good on his skin. it was very smooth and silky, a little cool on his skin. very lightweight but not flimsy. the kimono wasn’t too short and fit his tall statue well, you really did a good job he supposed. he glanced at himself in the mirror. it did look good on him, even the matching colours and patterns were chosen well. you really were a good seamstress, no wonder everyone was flocking to the store.

now that sukuna wore the kimono, he suddenly didn’t want to take it off. it was comfortable and soft, reminding him of you.

003.

your favourite spot was one below a tree, on top of a hill where you could see everything. the small city below, the horizon, the stars in the sky. you often came here when you felt like your life came crashing down your shoulders. it didn’t feel like your own anymore, not with your future already laid out for you without you being able to control it. complaining had always felt redundant and ungrateful to you - you had everything you needed, a loving family, food on the table and your family was wealthy enough to not have to worry about money. but in return, they expected everything from you, their eldest daughter. sometimes, the pressure was too much for you but they expected you to do as they say. everything was well until they announced that you were to get married and they’d found a suitor for you. you couldn’t even protest, the decision had already been made behind your back and you couldn’t refuse. you sniffled quietly, wrapping the blanket tighter around you. you didn’t know this man; he might be a complete asshole and not treat you well at all.

the wind was biting at your skin, cold and unrelenting, and yet you felt safe here, away from all your worries. the starry sky made you feel like your worries were miniscule, reminding you that there was so much more out there for you to discover. you’d always liked the sight of stars, they always made you happy. on lucky days, you’d even get to see a few shooting stars. you’d close your eyes and clasp your hands, hopeful that whatever wish you made would come true. the crunch of leaves and twigs made you look up in alarm, scared that your parents had found out you left the estate and now found your secret hiding spot. you couldn’t quite make out the figure in the darkness, only being able to tell that a tall person was approaching you.

you were wary, inching towards the tree behind you to hide but froze when a voice rang out: “i know you’re there. i was looking for you all over the city, little one.” a man clad in a kimono was coming closer, stopping right in front of you and looking at you in disdain. your eyes lit up as you recognized him; you’d met sukuna a couple of times in the city before, mostly when you went to pick up some books to read. he’d been there one time when you were choosing your books and scoffed at your choice. you’d ask him about it, wondering why he thought that your choice was a bad one. he went on and on about how historically inaccurate the book was and that the information about curses was wrong and how an author like that should be ashamed to even publish it. you appreciated the dialogue, you liked having someone to discuss with you. your parents didn’t like that you read fantasy books and books that talked about supernatural events and beings, dubbing them as nonsense and that you should focus on your studies instead.

after your third meeting, sukuna had finally opened up and told you his name. your meetings became more frequent then but you’d never met anywhere other than the bookstore. you were surprised that he even found you here; you decided not to question him though, sukuna always seemed to know where you were, always sensing where you were headed. truthfully, you looked forward to spending time with him. he was attentive and always listened to you, barely ever talking. oddly enough, it made you feel like finally, someone was paying attention to your thoughts and needs. lately, a heavy feeling in your chest was always accompanying you when you met up with him. it was a dull ache, some kind of yearning that you couldn’t quite put a finger on. it didn’t help that you felt like you’d met him before, but you really couldn’t recall where you had met him before. “what are you doing here?” you questioned him, scooting to the side to offer him some space on the picnic blanket.

unceremoniously, he sat down and glanced over to you. he didn’t reply, simply shrugging. “why didn’t you bring a coat?” you asked another question instead, frowning at his choice of clothing. aside from his kimono, he wasn’t wearing anything else. “you’ll catch a cold!” you scolded him, swatting his arm before tugging on his sleeve and signalling him to move closer to you so you could wrap the blanket around his shoulders. you struggled a little to reach him, almost stumbling - sukuna’s arm immediately shot out to hold you so you wouldn’t fall. your cheeks flushed red and you were thankful that it was dark. you cleared your throat and sat back down, snuggling into the blanket and his side. 

“by the way, i read that book you disliked the other day,” you told him, rambling about the contents of the book and what you thought of it, all while sukuna simply listened to you. he only spoke up when he challenged your way of thinking or to agree, otherwise staying silent and just watching you.

suddenly you grasped his hand in excitement, pointing at the sky. “oh, oh! look!!” sukuna’s gaze followed the direction you pointed to, spotting some shooting stars flitting across the sky. “you have to wish for something!” you squeezed his hand and nudged him, then squeezing your eyes shut to prepare yourself to wish. 

“what would i even wish for?” sukuna frowned and pinched your cheek. “what do you wish for?”

“you’re not supposed to share wishes! if you do, they won’t come true,” you argued back and stuck your tongue out at him. sometimes, he really was too skeptical, never indulging in harmless fun. it might be childish to believe in these things but sometimes that little spark of hope was all you need to wait for better things. you sighed when the shooting stars disappeared and let go of his hand, screaming internally. did you really grab his hand like that? you sure hoped you didn’t unsettle him. 

“i don’t think i told you, but my parents have found a suitor for me,” you confided in him quietly, staring at the grass near your feet. “i’m supposed to marry him next year but… i don’t want to, i don’t know this person and i just want to live my life with no one controlling it.”

“i see. there’s still time to get to know him, isn’t there?” you knew sukuna was trying to console you but it wasn’t exactly working. your words frustrated you a little; subconsciously, you’d hoped that he shared the same opinion and maybe, just maybe, help you do something reckless. 

“i don’t want to get to know him,” you huffed and crossed your arms (sukuna thought you looked like a petulant child). “i… i already like someone.”

“you do?” sukuna looked at you surprised and that was the first time that he’d shown any other emotion than indifference. you nodded shyly, hoping that maybe he’d get the hint. you weren’t confident just yet to confess to him but maybe he’d get it from your description alone? 

“i recently met him and i really like that he makes me feel like, you know, important and always pays attention to me. he doesn’t talk a lot but i think that that’s okay, we still have a silent mutual understanding, i guess. and i also think he looks really handsome! although i-”

sukuna had enough of your rambling, he felt annoyed that you were telling him about your stupid crush. whatever boy you had a crush on, they would never amount to the likes of him. why would you look at someone else when he was right there? right here, with you. sukuna reached over and grabbed your cheeks to make you look at him before pressing his lips on yours. you froze for a short moment before returning the kiss, holding onto his kimono when he wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you closer. why would you pay attention to someone else when he could be with you? for the first time in his existence as a curse, he briefly felt human again. maybe shooting stars were the key to wishes coming true after all; in this moment he wouldn’t mind being human again, being alone with her with only the stars as your witnesses.

004.

gradually you were really starting to dislike your night shifts. usually, you’d ask to cover them because it was quiet, there were no nosy customers and the only people that ever came in so late were sleep deprived students that pulled all nighters to write papers or study. well it used to be that way until a group of, presumably, freshmen started coming more and more frequently - they wouldn’t have been so annoying if it wasn’t for them talking and laughing obnoxiously loud. they would stay until late in the night and kept ordering drinks. the audacity to have oddly specific orders, to watch you like a hawk while you were preparing their drinks, it made your blood boil. to top it all off, one of the guys kept flirting with you, even when you’d already made it obvious that you were not interested at all. no matter how uninterested and abrasive you acted, the guy would not leave you alone and his friends would try to act as wingmen. clueless and horrible wingmen.

you were glad that you were never alone during your night shifts, depending on the weekday you’d work in a team of two or threes. whenever they could, they’d cover for you and you were thankful but also felt bad, which usually resulted in you taking over anyways. you placed the basket on the counter, grabbing a towel to dry the cups you’d just washed. the chime of the doorbell made you look up, your heartbeat speeding up at the sight of sukuna coming in. like the group of freshmen, sukuna had recently started to visit the café more and more. he usually only came late at night and he probably was your favourite regular. scratch that, he was your favourite, no one was as calm as him and he never caused trouble. yeah, maybe those night shifts weren’t all that bad, you thought to yourself. you looked forward to him visiting every time you had a night shift.

“hi sukuna,” you greeted him softly and gave him a smile, placing the cup on a shelf. “the usual?” he took a seat near the bar, placing his wallet on the counter and taking off his coat. sukuna was peculiar, not particularly in a bad way. you always thought that he was a little mysterious. he always wore the same kimono - who wears kimonos everyday in this day and age anyways - the same white kimono but maybe he just owned mulitple of them. you could never tell what he was thinking and he had never shown any emotions other than brief moments of bliss when he was having his usual order. his order had always and would probably always be a simple black coffee and some daifuku mochi. it was a weird combo, you mused, but somehow fit him. it was a sharp contrast, just like his tattoos and the soft pink hair. you finished up the order, pushing the cup of coffee and the plated mochi towards him - you’d sneaked another one in just for him, knowing how much he seemed to like them. sukuna looked up at you, ready to protest but you just brushed it off, telling him that it was okay.

out of the corner of your eye you saw your not so secret admirer approaching with an empty cup and you instantly knew you were bound to be annoyed again. you sighed, returning to the cash register to take his order. “so, when am i finally going to get to take you out?” the guy asked, leaning on the counter to get closer to you. you gritted your teeth, ignoring his question and instead took the empty cup, placing it in the kitchen sink behind you. 

“oh come on, don’t ignore me, baby,” he whined, not letting up until you answered. you were annoyed, so so annoyed. your co-workers were currently organizing the inventory so you were all by yourself - usually that would be fine but you’d had enough. this week has already been awful and you just wanted to be left alone. you glanced around, spotting sukuna on the side. suddenly a lightbulb went on in your head and you faced your admirer confidently. 

“i’m sorry but please stop flirting with me and trying to ask me out,” you started and pointed to sukuna who was innocently taking a bite from his mochi. “i already have a boyfriend and i don’t think he appreciates you cornering me like this. you being this persistent is really annoying, girls don’t like that.”

upon hearing his name, sukuna looked up and as if on cue, he glared at your admirer. “yeah, i suggest you fuck off. get a hint, you creep, she’s mine,” he snarled, making a move towards the other guy who was already scrambling to get away and profusely apologizing. mine, mine, mine. his words kept repeating in your head, your heart squeezing painfully. was he interested in you? would he ever come to see you more than just a barista? you sighed in both relief and affliction, trudging over to sukuna. 

“i’m sorry i dragged you into this,” you apologized embarrassed, shoulders drooping and you stared at the floor just so he wouldn’t see your reddened cheeks. “he’s been pestering me so much and i kind of thought that that was the only way to get him to back off.”

“i don’t mind,” sukuna replied curtly, resuming his seat. he didn’t say anything else and you slightly panicked, you wanted to keep talking to him, stay in his company for a little longer. 

“ah uhm sukuna, i want to thank you! if… if you don’t mind, i would like to treat you to another drink?” you suggested, your face now beet red. this was the most straightforward you had ever been with a guy, usually too shy to make a move. in distance you could hear the chime of the doorbell and the doors slamming, indicating that the group had left. you were alone. sukuna didn’t reply at first and you were sure you’d fucked up and got ready to backtrack and laugh it off when he nodded. 

“go ahead, little one,” he nodded towards the counter. “you choose the drink.”

you didn’t know why sukuna kept calling you little one but for some reason, you didn’t mind. it did however make your heart ache in what you could only describe as melancholy. you weren’t sure why. while you started brewing some green tea for the two of you, the sound of thunder rumbled in the distance. the pitter patter of raindrops against the glass front was the only sound audible in the entire café. sukuna hadn’t uttered another word, not even making a sound of acknowledgement when you handed him the cup of tea and sat next to him. 

“you didn’t bring an umbrella,” you noted, looking out of the window. it was raining heavily, with no signs of it stopping anytime soon. “i guess you’ll have to stay here for a little longer, otherwise you’ll get sick. i hope you aren’t sick of me though.”

sukuna took a sip of his tea. “i don’t mind your company,” he replied, looking at you. you couldn’t tell what he was thinking but you sincerely hoped he wasn’t joking. hearing that gave you a little hope. 

“i like moments like this,” you confessed to him, clutching the warm cup with your sweater paws. “having a warm cup of tea and watching the rain from the comfort of your home. or in this case, a café. the sound of rain is really calming, isn’t it? makes you forget about all your worries for a while, it’s just you and your cup of tea.”

again, sukuna didn’t reply for a while. you thought you’d bored him to death with your monologue until he spoke up: “i don’t see how it’s any different from having a cup at any time of the day.” your cup was placed back on the counter. you frowned, not sure how to explain it to him. in moments like these, sukuna seemed to be something of an old being that has seen everything, feelings now dull and locked away. 

“well, see it like this. making yourself a cup of tea or coffee everyday is a normal thing to do, right? it happens almost automatically because it’s just part of your daily routine, you like how it tastes, it makes you feel more awake or helps you sleep. but… but you never really take your time to enjoy it, right?”

sukuna was contemplating, you almost giggled at the little frown on his face. but you were glad that he was willing to listen to you and discuss it with you, instead of dismissing the topic entirely. “but what does that have to do with rain?” he finally asked. 

you pointed outside. “you wouldn’t really go out in this weather, right? not if you have any emergencies or urgent matters to attend to. and same goes for everyone else; it kind of… kind of forces you to stay inside, to fully enjoy your warm beverage. the sound of rain is pretty calming, it’s some kind of whitenoise that might block out intrusive thoughts, at least it does that for me. so it’s only you, the sound of rain and your cup of tea. for a few minutes, you can just relax and have a moment for yourself.”

sukuna still didn’t quite understand how humans worked. it’s been hundreds of years since he’s ceased to be human, he’s forgotten what is what like being human. what human emotions entailed. but he agreed, it has been a while since he’s felt at ease and peaceful even. it was a moment of bliss, a moment that caused a flare-up of old, buried feelings inside of him.

004.1

you still hadn’t mustered up the courage to actually ask sukuna out after you dragged him into that fake dating-situation. he did still come late at night, being the most loyal customer of the café at this point. it was almost… almost as if he’d seeked out your company. though he did tell you that he didn’t mind your company; your ego deflated a little. sukuna still wore his kimono but paired it with a thick winter coat - it was winter after all and the weather had been very extreme. the ground was covered in inches of snow and you hadn’t seen the sun in weeks. sukuna insisted on walking you home when your shift ended. you weren’t sure why because he’d never offered to do so before. you were thankful though since it was still snowing and the streets were completely empty; even though the snow looked beautiful, it was still a little eerie to walk home in this weather. especially since a lot of busses weren’t running anymore due blocked roads.

“sukuna, aren’t you cold?” you asked as you switched off the lights and fumbled with your keys. finally finding the right one, you closed up, shoving the keys back in your back and fishing out your gloves. “you don’t even wear gloves!” you gasped when you saw his bare hands, handing him one of yours. sukuna looked at you as if you were crazy.

he wasn’t cold but he couldn’t tell you that, couldn’t let you know that he was a curse. but handing him one of you gloves? you were too nice, always thinking of others first and never being selfish. sighing, he put on the glove that was uncomfortably small but he’d endure it for your sake.

“it’s been a while since we’ve had this much snow,” you mused and took a few steps around, giggling at the sound of crunching snow beneath your feet. sukuna simply followed you, looking comical with the bright yellow and tiny glove on his hand. you smiled at him, admiring how etheral he looked underneath the streetlights with the snowflakes flurrying around him and some getting stuck in his hair. your heart suddenly ached, a far away memory emerging. it was blurry and unclear, a cold night similar as this underneath the stars and a face staring at you. you couldn’t tell who it was nor were you sure whether it was just a case of déjà vu.

“you know, this kind of calls for a snowball fight,” you grinned at sukuna mischievously and grabbed some snow, beginning to form it into a ball. he raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, looking at you defiantly. 

“i’m not going to indulge in childish business like th-” he didn’t get to finish his sentence as you hurled the snowball at him and giggled like a maniac as it hit his shoulder. you quickly hid behind a bush as you quickly tried to form another, enjoying the dumbfounded look on sukuna’s face. clearly, he didn’t expect you to follow through with your plan and was caught by surprise. “oh you’re on,” he growled after a moment and grabbed himself some snow as well. you quickly threw another snowball at him, this time only being able to hit his leg. eyes widening at the sight of sukuna raising his arm to throw his snowball at you, you let out a squeak and dove behind a tree - the snowball still hit you square on your back, making you yelp at the cold feeling.

for minutes you could only hear the crunches of snow, loud laughter and snowballs hitting objects. you sat on a bench, exhausted from running and ducking away and your belly was starting to hurt from all the laughter. sukuna caught up to you, juggling a snowball in his hands. “you gonna give up?” he asked, a smirk gracing his lips. clearly he was winning, being able to aim a lot better than you. you missed him most of the time but had fun regardless. 

“never!” you replied, holding out your arms to defend yourself from the incoming snowball. it never came and instead sukuna was inching closer with an evil look in his eyes. oh no. what was he up to? you yelped when you realized that he was aiming for your neck, jumping up to get away from him. sukuna was quick to react and grabbed your arm, pulling you back into his chest and holding you close, smushing the snow against your neck. “ew sukuna, stop!” you laughed and squirmed in his arms until he threw the snowball away, rubbing your back gently. 

“that was really cold, you know,” you pouted, burying your face in his chest. 

he wrapped his arms around you, sighing quietly. “i know, i know, sorry.”

you swore that you felt his lips on the crown of your head.

005.

you were, undoubtedly, lost. your phone was about to die and you were stranded in the middle of the city, not sure where to go. to be fair, it was very, very easy to get lost here and it was your first time visiting. your grandparents lived here and while you’ve visited before, you couldn’t quite remember anything anymore. you were a child back then. and the city had drastically changed too, making it difficult for you to navigate yourself around. though your poor sense of direction was probably at fault as well. you sighed, trying to call your grandparents again. no one was picking up. you turned your phone off to save some of the battery, maybe you could call them later.

luckily, you’d brought your cameras so you could at least keep yourself busy until someone freed you from this misery. you walked towards the nearby shrine; there didn’t seem to be any people here, it was very quiet aside from the sound of cicadas. you took a few photos before continuing your journey, soon finding yourself standing on top of the hill. the view from here was breathtaking, even more so because the sun was starting to set, painting the sky in a beautiful yellow and orange hue. you fumbled with your camera again, trying to take a photo when someone suddenly moved into your shot. you paused and looked at the person in front of you who was staring at you as well. considering they were wearing a kimono, you assumed that they must work here. did you make a mistake? maybe you weren’t supposed to take photos and this person came to tell you off.

“i’m sorry!” you said quickly, quickly shoving your camera in your bag. “am i allowed to take photos here?” 

the stranger frowned at you, clearing his voice before replying: “how am i supposed to know? i don’t work here.” 

you groaned, rubbing your face in embarrassment. of course you’d say something wrong, you always did. and now you probably annoyed him too - he looked really annoyed. but since he wasn’t working here and there was no one else around, you guessed you could take photos after all. there was no one to tell you off anyways. however, the stranger was still standing there, looking at you in what seemed like interest. you felt awkward just continuing your endeavors without acknowledging him, so you asked: “do you live here? i’m just visiting, so i’m not very familiar with the city.”

“you could say that,” the stranger simply replied. when he didn’t say anything else, you decided that it probably was okay if you just continued taking photos without acknowledging him. though it did make you queasy, knowing that he was just watching you. didn’t he have anything else to do? a few minutes passed. he sighed and walked over, pointing at your camera. “what are you doing?” you were surprised at how straightforward he was, not expecting to engage in a conversation with you. maybe people in this city were just extra talkative and you’d have to get used to it. your grandparents never told you about this though. 

“ah i’m visiting my grandparents here and i thought i’d document my stay here. so i can look at these photos whenever i want and just have the memories on photo,” you explained and rummaged in your bag to show him the polaroids you took earlier. “i particularly like polaroids because you can’t edit or change them… whatever moment you capture, it’s true to what you saw. there’s no need to make photos beautiful when they hold a special place in your heart and are tied to a specific memory.”

the stranger nodded, pointing to your polaroid camera. “and you take them with this device?” his choice of words startled you a little, he didn’t seem to be familiar with this type of camera which you found odd. everyone knew what these were nowadays, almost everyone owned them. but you didn’t want to judge him or make him feel stupid though, patiently explaining to him how the cameras worked and where he could purchase them. he seemed to be really interested, closely inspecting the camera, turning it around and fumbling with the buttons. only after you finished rambling, you realize how much time had passed - it was almost dark now and your grandparents were probably worried sick. your phone was turned off the entire time and you forgot to call them. 

“excuse me, i really need to call my grandparents!” you looked at him apologetically, leaving him with your photos and camera. normally, you would be very wary; normally, you wouldn’t even show anyone your photos, rather keeping them to yourself because they were your precious memories. but something about him resonated with you, he seemed familiar and yet he didn’t.

you found a spot a few meters away from him calling your grandparents and profusely apologizing to them for not calling sooner. you promised them to wait at a popular and well known spot nearby so they could come to pick you up since it was already getting late, then hung up. to your relief, the stranger was still standing there, watching you intently. “thank you,” you smiled as he handed you your belongings. “my grandparents are picking me up soon, thank you for keeping me company. won’t you be going home soon?” 

suddenly his face expression turned rather… sad? somewhat melancholic and you feared you’d said something wrong until he shook his head. “i have to go somewhere later. let me walk you for a bit, it is dark after all.” you looked at him a little dumbfounded, not expecting him to suggest something like that.

“oh you don’t have to! i’ll totally be fine, i-” “i want to. let’s go,” he interrupted you, already beginning to move. you hastily followed him, clutching your bag in your hands. the entire walk was rather silent, none of you saying a word. it wasn’t a tense and uncomfortable silence though - you very much enjoyed his presence. it made you feel safe too, even though you’d told him earlier that you didn’t mind walking by yourself, it was comforting to know that he was by your side. you were in an unfamiliar city after all. hell you even got lost, so who were you kidding. you wondered who the stranger was, what his story was, what his personality was like. this was a one time meeting though, so you didn’t really have any hope of meeting him again. that was very unlikely.

“okay this is the spot. my grandparents are going to pick me up here, so it’s okay if you go,” you pointed at a café and gave him a reassuring smile. he didn’t look impressed. “o-oh wait, i need to thank you somehow.” you held a finger up to signal him to wait for a bit and fished out a polaroid you’d taken earlier. it was a simple shot, only the temple, bits of the trees and the sunset in the background. but you thought it was appropriate, the two of you had shared this moment after all. 

“here, this is for you. it’s not a lot but i guess… it’s a really nice photo and maybe the start of your collection, if you decide to get a polaroid camera?” he took the photo from you, inspecting it before nodding and thanking you. he looked like he was about to say something else but was interrupted by some bright car lights and the sound of honks.

“ah, i have to go! it was nice meeting you,” you bid farewell to him and waved, running towards the car. sukuna watched your figure retreat, arms dropping to his sides.

006.

it was so cold, so incredibly cold. you really hated disliked these long winters, the sky was constantly dull and grey, the days were short and you hadn’t seen the sun in weeks. it made you feel sluggish and unmotivated, you were just hoping that spring was coming earlier this year. you yearned for sunshine and warmth, to be able to go outside without freezing and just spend more time outside. regardless, you held onto your daily walks because they gave you some peace of mind in your hectic life. you were approaching the last year of your studies and the amount of exams, assignments and your looming thesis were just suffocating you. but soon, soon you were done and could finally take a breather, until then, the only moments of relaxation you’d have were your walks.

despite the cold, there were a lot of people near the park; children who were engaging in snowball fights, elderly who were walking their dogs and some joggers too. your eyes were wandering around, watching all the busy people around. too absorbed in your task, you didn’t notice the man in front of you until you bumped into him. you quickly removed your earbuds and apologized to him, about to continue walking when he suddenly grabbed your arm, holding you back. you were confused, did you maybe accidently hurt him when you bumped into him? you looked him up and down to make sure that he was okay; there really wasn’t anything wrong. he let go of your arm. “is something wrong?” you asked concerned and turned to him. 

“y/n?” 

you froze at the mention of your name. how did he know you?

“who are you? i’ve never met you before.”

in all your past lifetimes, you’d taught him how to be human again, how there was value and joy in even the littlest of things. with each iteration of your existence, sukuna thinks that he’s learned to love you more than the last. when he sees how at ease you are spending time with him, a curse that is feared by everyone, he contemplates confessing to you. but something holds him back, it’s the fear; the fear that you won’t return his feelings. he’s seen you be with someone else, see you fall in love countless of times. he yearns for it to be him, hoping that you do choose him, love him. for thousands of years, he’s spent his time finding you - your reincarnations don’t recognize him and it pains him to get to know you anew each time but nothing pains him as much as his existence. he wants to hold you, be yours, grow old with you.

for the first time in thousands of years, sukuna wishes to be human again.

ps.: i am so sorry if i hurt your heart there omg

[carryingthebanner]

NEWSIES (almost) CLOSING SHOW THOUGHTS pt.1

I am once again watching my comfort musical and recording my unsolicited thoughts on it.

Act 1

THE APPLAUSE

I’m already getting a lump in my throat and I’m not even 5 seconds in

How do you even cope backstage with all of that support??? I would be a sobbing, snotty nosed mess-

Not me smiling and getting chills at a black screen

Ok maybe I just don’t listen to the Overture enough but it seems faster then usual?

I literally have no clue what Jack is saying

OMG ITS ANDY AS CRUTCHIE AHHHH I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS FOR SUCH A LONG TIME

Crutchie really just saw his life flash before his eyes 💀

Jack and Crutchie really do have the best friendship ughh *cries*

They’re so cute I can’t

*Sings* Back to blackkk

Ok wow this harmony >>>

Y’ALL ANDY’S SINGING IS BEAUTIFUL I’M SO UPSET I WONT BE HEARING LETTER FROM THE REFUGE IN THIS

Words cannot express how in love I am with Jack and Crutchie singing Santa Fe (Prologue) together

It’s been 15 minutes and I’m still replaying this specific part someone help

TIS MUSIC TO MY EARS

(Welcome to yet another musical where I just want to stop at a happy moment and not continue the rest of the it because I’m honestly not in the best of moods today and I don’t wanna see my comfort character get beaten within inches of his life)

Finally prying my fingers away from the rewind button :( the show must go on I guess

JACK IS LITERALLY SCREAMING FOR THE NEWSBOYS TO GET UP I CANTT 💀

IS THAT AARON ALBANO?!

This is probably the rowdiest I’ve seen them act

Wait does Jack have Race’s cigar?

KATHERINE MY BELOVED

ROMEO AND JACK IM CACKLING

Small detail: Crutchie grabbing his leg to determine the weather

“I don’t need the limp to sell papes, I got personality” SLIGHTLY SASSY CRUTCHIE SUPREMACY

He definitely has a smile that spreads like butter

OK FOR A QUICK SECOND IT LOOKED LIKE CRUTCHIE WAS READY TO THROW SOME HANDS

ANDY H O W DID YOU JUST MOVE ACROSS THE STAGE THAT FAST THERE IS NO WAY-

This is very chaotic but what else did I expect from a bunch of newsboys

Andy moves by basically bouncing around the stage and my eyes can’t keep up

CHAOTIC

The immense love I have for this choreography <3

I always live for the interaction between Elmer and the Nun

unpleasant AROMA

MY HAND JUST FLEW OVER MY MOUTH THE WAY HE PUSHED CRUTCHIE-

Jack is very protective of Crutchie. He’s practically screaming at Morris right now

Noted: Corey’s Jack does a lot of yelling

I’m pretty sure the choreographer kinda let them do whatever they wanted for Carrying The Banner and it shows. They’re really going all out with the choreo and I LOVE IT.

The audience is a bunch of feral fansies, I can tell (because it takes one to know one and yes this is a call out)

“Howz it going weeeZULL”

*inhales* CRUTCHIE MY BELOVED

LES IS JUST A BABY OMG

Woah ok we got a lot of Jacobs family stans in the audience!!

It’s kinda unsettling how Morris is just suspiciously looking down at Davey from one of the towers

I’ve been in this fandom for close to a year and I still don’t know what “can’t count to 20 with his shoes on” means (can someone explain lol)

THE ACTOR PLAYING LES IS GETTING ALL THE APPLAUSE AND I JUST KNOW THAT LES WOULD’VE LOVED ALL OF THIS ATTENTION

Whenever I see a Newsie on Pulitzer’s desk my mind just goes to “Pulitzer may own the World but he don’t own us!” so yes, stand on his furniture all you want to boys

“HE’S A COMMIE!”

Nunzio’s heart rate: 📈

Pulitzer is one of those people who treats everybody else like they’re dumb and until they finally get it

“They’ll be learning a real life lesson in economics” um no these are literal kids who deserve to have the opportunity to go to a school like your own kids instead of struggling on the street because you want to be an olden day Karen

Pulitzer is really driving the villain aspect home here

Carrying The Banner is such a bop that they play it even after the song has ended. Thank you creative team.

You can tell that it’s physically painful for Jack to watch Davey sell papes

“KELLLYYYY” Surprisingly, Snyder sounds like he hates his job 💀 (well I take that back, he probably just hates the chasing part but loves the locking up poor defenseless kids for no reason other than to fuel his sadistic power trip part)

YES MEDDA DESERVES ALL THE APPLAUSE

MEDDA, OUR GRACEFUL, GLAMOROUS, ICONIC QUEEN

LES NODDED AFTER MEDDA TOLD DAVEY TO STEP OUT OF HIS WAY I AM LOSING MY MIND AT THIS-

I’m screamingg HE WAVED AT THE BOWERY BEAUTIES AFER

Medda definitely doesn’t get tired of hearing Jack’s infamous Teddy Roosevelt carriage story

“He don’t, but I do”

Jack’s one of those people who say “Stop, my *insert talent* isn’t even good!” and then when he shows it to you it’s the best thing you have ever had the pleasure of viewing

(Head)Canon: Jack hates compliments, unless it’s from a certain someone *cough* David *cough* or Katherine*

The way Medda looks at Jack after he claims it’s all “just a bunch of trees” SHE WANTS HIM TO RECOGNIZE HIS TALENT INSTEAD OF DOWNPLAYING IT OK

Her voice is so pretty-

I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS PERFORMANCE. SHE LOOKS SO HAPPY AND YOU CAN TELL SHE’S HAVING FUN

The audience

Katherine really hates Jack 😍

Every time I hear the banter between Jatherine I just wish they would’ve kept (most of) it in the cast recording

She’s really out here hurting this man’s feelings-

You can tell Jack is running out of pick up lines

OOH KATHERINE IS PISSED AT THAT LOUSY REPORTER COMMENT

Liana’s Katherine seems a lot more relentless so I don’t see her letting up on Jack anytime soon

Wait it’s Iain Young - I THOUGHT HE WAS ONLY IN TOURSIES

OK LES YOU DID NOT HAVE TO USE THAT MUCH FORCE

The audience is just one big Les fan club

THAT SLOW HEAD TURN IM SCREAMING

I love how you can tell the exact moment where Davey gets accepted as one of the Newsies :)

Jack constantly cupping the Newsies faces is the cutest thing ever <3

THE WORLD WILL KNOW IS SO FIERCE

“Will we HEAR ITTT?!” JACK IS SCREAMING AGAIN YES WE LOVE A LOUD AND BOISTEROUS JACK

“And I lost my shoe” :( hope you find it again buddy

LES IS SO FUNNY IM DYINGGG

OK WOAH JACK’S FEELINGS DEFINITELY GOT HURT BECAUSE HE DID NOT SEEM TOO EXCITED TO SEE KATHERINE

Have I mentioned how much I love Crutchie?

Writer’s Block: The Song

“No, Jack - I don’t know what to say” 🥺

Once again, Ben Fankhauser’s vocals do not disappoint

Crutchie: *INCOHERENT NOISES*

Oh look it’s a Guzman twin!

DAVID AND LES’ HUG MY HEART JUST EXPLODED

This is the most affectionate Seize The Day I’ve ever seen, I’m gonna cry-

Cue Jack cupping yet another Newsies’ face 🥺

IM APPROXIMATELY TWO SECONDS AWAY FROM HAVING MY TEARS SPILL OUT OF MY EYEBALLS

Oh, it is Aaron Albano

Corey Cott’s acting in this song >>>

Davey holding back a Newsie 💀

Davey is really the epitome of “I don’t get paid enough for this”

THE PASSION IN JACK’S SPEECH

JACK AND DAVEY RUNNING AWAY WHEN THE REAL DANCING STARTS WILL NEVER NOT MAKE ME LAUGH

I ACTUALLY WINCED THE DELANCEY BROTHERS PUNCHED DAVEY SO FAST I DIDN’T EVEN SEE THAT COMING-

LET GO OF LES YOU COWARDS

Ok Ben’s acting is top tier because I spent a whole five minutes wondering if the actor playing one of the delancey’s accidentally punched him for real or not

Some bullies just interrupted our emotional dance break, time to deal with them and then proceed to dance again 😍

Ahh yes, the fouette (?) towards the end of Seize The Day my beloved

The annoying lump in my throat will not go away :)

SOMEONE IN THE AUDIENCE IS JUMPING UP AND DOWN CHEERING FOR THE NEWSIES

Here comes the worst part

And the chaos ensues

IS IT JUST BEAT UP ON DAVEY DAY OR WHAT?

At first I thought Les was screaming “Let me go!” and “No, please!” but no, it’s Crutchie and he got slapped right after he said that :(

Crutchie’s screams are here to haunt my dreams (for the umpteenth time)

YES CRUTCHIE PUT UP A FIGHT

WAIT I AM JUST NOW REALIZING THAT DAVEY TRIED TO SAVE CRUTCHIE BUT COULDNT

THE WAY THEY KNOCKED HIM ON THE GROUND HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST BRUTAL BEAT DOWN I’VE SEEN so I’m going to cover my eyes for the rest of this because I know what happens and I do not like it :)

I HATE THAT I OPENED MY EYES BECAUSE THEYRE DRAGGING HIM AWAY ON HIS BAD LEGG AND I JUST UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Who knew a fictional character could make me hurt this bad :/

I feel like Jack is in denial

Sometimes escapism isn’t exactly a healthy coping mechanism, Jack (oh look I’m calling myself out too)

Wait I think Corey might be tearing up ahhhhh

Oh would you look at the time it’s pretty late so I might do a pt.2 later

[levis-hazelnut]

Summary: when you and your best friend, Hanji, were younger, you had made up stories about your dream guys - what they would look like and how you would meet. What happens when the one you had made up appears to be real?

Warning(s): mentions of abuse (if you squint). Please do tell me if there are anymore.

Taglist: closed

Status: completed!

part 1 > part 2

series masterlist

(a/n: i love mikasa, she’s a queen. But I’m sorry because she’s gonna be a bitch in this lol)

"(Y/N)! (Y/N)! (Y/N)! (Y/N)!!!!!!!!" Before that call, I was peacefully eating lunch with my friends and didn't wish for any interruptions from my crazy, loud best friend. I was just sitting there with some of my calm friends that I was in the mood for; quietly speaking about life, no stress, no laughter, no loud talking - just nice conversation. Other times (most of the time), however, I would be in the mood for my best friend, wanting laughter, craziness and loud talking. But this wasn't one of those times... So why the hell was she here sprinting and screeching for me? "(Y/N)!!!!!!!" "For fuck's sake," I murmured. "What do you want, Hanji?" I asked when she pushed off Connie, who was sitting opposite me, and sat in his place. She leaned forward and caught her breath as her gaze was not at me, but behind me. Before I could turn around, she grabbed my head and forced me to face her which made me frown. "What the hell is going on?" "Okay, so... Remember about five years ago when we would talk about our dream guy and meeting them later in life. And remember when we said that you would find your dream guy in university..."

"Hanji--" "Don't talk. Let me finish the story of the past." *FLASHBACK* With the sun beaming down on me and Hanji as we ate our lunch together on the grass, we stupidly and crazily told each other about our dream husbands. The appearance of my dream guy was based on a character from a show I watched. And because we were still young, horny and stupid, we let our imagination create stories of how we would meet our dream guy. Let's forget about Hanji's and skip to mine... So, Hanji had thought of it with that extraordinary brain of hers. She said that, "We would be having lunch with our new friends, and maybe some of our school ones like Connie, Eren, Sasha, Jean and Armin. Anyway, you would be talking to someone as I sit next to you, quietly eating--" "Hanji, that's already not going to be true. How are you going to be quiet?" "Hush, let me carry on. So, I'll be eating, maybe not quietly, and then I look around the canteen and see him... walking with his lunch in his hand. Standing there in his handsomeness, with black hair, grey eyes, a light complexion, emotionless expression. I don't know what his personality is when he's there, but his appearance is pretty similar to how we imagine him to be. I gasp and smack your shoulder many times to get your attention which you click your tongue at. I point towards him and you look where I'm staring, which is when you gasp as well, trying to find the words but I already know what you're going to say. And we get up and stalk him. As we do that, I spot his keys in his bag and cleverly take them, passing them to you. When he sits down, I tell you to give it to him but you're too shy so I push you forward until you're in his sight. He looks at you and you shyly hold them out to him, saying: 'I think these are yours. You dropped them'. And then he thanks you and you live happily ever after." "... That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. But, if that does happen, then I love you and your brain." And since that day, she kept on adding to the story which made me excited to meet my future husband. Of course, however, I knew this story of hers wasn't going to come true, no matter how young, horny and stupid I was. *END OF FLASHBACK* "Yes, Hanji, I remember that. But why are you telling me this?" "You idiotic fool! He's right there behind you!" "I swear, if you're lying--" "I'm not, I'm not!! Just look!" I slowly twisted my head to see the man I've wanted to marry for many years. Was he really there? Is Hanji just playing a prank on me? I took a deep breath and looked to see who she was talking about... And there he was, exactly how I had imagined. Well, maybe not exactly, but extremely similar. "Hanji, you already know what we're doing?" She vigorously nodded as both of us got up and raced towards him, and then slowed down when we got closer so we don't look like weirdos or creeps (which we technically were). He was holding no bag, but luckily, Hanji saw his credit card in his back pocket and somehow got it without him realising.

I never knew how much I loved her until this moment. This mysterious, kind of magical man sat down on a table with two of his other friends. But I could care less about them. Taking a deep breath, I tapped his shoulder and he looked up at me with the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. They may have had no shimmer or emotion in them, but they still entranced me. I didn't realise I was staring for too long until he spoke, "Are you just going to stand there and look at me, or actually say something, brat?" Maybe those weren't the first words I expected to hear, but at least it was something. His voice was deep and velvety and void of any emotion and I wanted to hear him speak more. It probably wasn't even that attractive to other people, but this was someone I had made up in my mind and he's right here in front of me, so I'm going to fall in love with every aspect with him. "Oh, sorry... Um, you dropped this," I said quietly and held out his card to him. He lifted an eyebrow at first before taking it from me, his fingers skimming my skin as he did that. "Hey, are you okay? Why do you keep staring into space like that?" "Uh, yeah, I-I'm fine. Just a little tired. Anyway, um... I'm going to go... eat my lunch. Bye." "Thank you, by the way, random person." I laughed lightly. "(Y/N)." "Thank you, (Y/N)." "So--" "Hey, (Y/N)!!" I mentally rolled my eyes when my name was called and my best friend appeared beside me, throwing an arm onto my shoulders. "What do you need, Hanji?" I murmured. "I just wanted to know who your new, little friend is. Looks like you were having fun." "Um, no. I just gave him his card since he dropped it." "Oh, so you're best friends now! Why don't you sit right next to him and have lunch together?" "Hanji," I said in a tone for her to back off. But she carried on anyway, pushing me onto the seat next to the man. "I'm so sorry about her. She's... insane." "I can tell," he said, eyeing both of us up and down. We were both definitely going to be the weirdos he should stay away from. "Well, you can go--" "(Y/N), I think you should stay! You seem like a delightful person!" the girl with pigtails opposite me squealed and I smiled at her. "It's nice to make new friends," a blonde male next to her stated with a polite smile. "Let her stay, Levi." "Oh, it's fine. My friends are probably wondering where I am," I stated, turning to find Hanji, but she wasn't there. "Shit," I mumbled. "What's wrong?" "Oh, nothing. I mean, I literally just came to give him his card and now I'm having lunch with you three. It's kind of weird." "'Him' has a name," he muttered bitterly. "It's Levi." "Sorry, Levi." I want to marry you, Levi. "You can leave now if you want." "Uh, yeah, I should probably go," I said and started to get up. "No, stay! Levi, you can't just push someone away!" the female with green eyes scolded him. "We barely even know her." "So? It's good to meet nice people and become friends." "Tch. You two can do whatever you want, then." "Maybe I can join you guys for lunch another time. Looks like Mr Moody doesn't want company." "Mr Moody?" he repeated and lifted an eyebrow at me. "You just met me and you're giving me that nickname?" "Uhh... I'm going to go now." "Bye, (Y/N)! I'm Isabel, by the way, and this is Farlan." "Bye, Isabel, Farlan. It was nice talking to you." I got up without addressing the raven-haired male and made my way back to my table, huffing as soon as I sat down. "I messed up bad," I complained to myself, causing the bald male beside me to inquire what happened. "It's nothing. Just me being stupid and childish to think that I'll magically be able to become some gloomy guy's girlfriend." "Who is this 'gloomy guy'?" "It's (Y/N)'s crush who's sitting right over there with that grinning girl and some other guy!" "Hanji, just forget about it. He hates me." "I've never seen him before," Connie stated, taking a secret glance at him. "We just saw him today as well." "And he's already your crush?" "Basically--" "Hanji, we promised that we won't tell anyone," I snapped. "It's stupid and I never want to talk about it again." "I mean, it's not really stupid if he's real. It could just be your fault because you were nervous and acted awkward around him. But then again, it could be my fault because I kind of forced you to sit next to him. Maybe I should let you do it your own way. So, for once, (Y/N), I won't get involved. I don't want this chance to go." "I doubt you'll be able to keep that promise." "I will! I don't want you to be annoyed and depressed forever. So you do whatever you want. And you can slap me if I get involved in the tiniest way." "Okay. Thank you, Hanji." "I'm still so confused," the baldie said. "Maybe I'll tell you one day, Connie. Maybe when I make progress." "Okay--" "Oh my god!! I just realised - he's actually real and right there!" I suddenly yelled, causing the canteen to quieten as students looked at me with confusion. "Ugh, I'm such an idiot. I need to stop making a fool out of myself. Did Levi look at me, Hanji?" "No. But he obviously still heard you." "God, I just want to die..." ~/~ Thanks to my roommate, I had to rush my morning routine and miss breakfast since I had to run to the university, which was about a five-minute walk away. Since I was running, however, it took me three minutes. I was definitely going to give Hanji what she deserves for not waking me up. I stumbled into the lecture hall to find that they had already started. I quickly apologised for being late and found a random spot to settle down and catch my breath. I took my laptop out of my bag and gulped on some water as I waited for it to load. And I soon got to work, focusing on the lecture and not taking notice of the people around me. As I was listening to my professor, someone beside me whispered my name and so I rotated my head to look at them. Act cool. Be calm, (Y/N). Just because you're taking the same course and you're going to see him more than you thought, doesn't mean you can freak out. "Do you have a pen I could borrow?" Levi asked in a hushed tone and I sifted through my clothes and bag to find a pen that he can use. After about a minute of looking, I found one at the bottom of my bag and passed it to him with a smile. He thanked me before both of us got on with our work. I could barely concentrate now that I knew who I was sitting next to, but I still tried my best. Towards the end of the lecture, which seemed like hours, my stomach rumbled and I froze and internally cringed. Why did that have to happen? Well, I didn't have breakfast so I guess it's understandable, but still. Shortly, I was able to leave, so everyone filed out and I packed my things away, slinging my bag over my shoulder as I made my way out. As I was leaving the hall, a familiar, husky voice called for me and I stopped. "You know, for someone that doesn't like people, you sure like saying people's names," I joked. "I was just going to give you your pen back and ask if you wanted to grab something to eat since it sounds and looks like you haven't had breakfast." "Shit, was my stomach that loud?" "I couldn't hear Professor Erwin," he said with no amusement, but something told me that he was just joking with me. I playfully rolled my eyes and let a small laugh escape my mouth before taking the pen from his hand and walking out with him following after me. "Hey, so yesterday, I was kind of in a bad mood which is why I acted like that. Though, I am usually cold and unfriendly and--" "What are you trying to say?" "Let's start over. Isabel and Farlan made me feel guilty, so let's get you some breakfast and know each other some more. All I know is that you and your glasses friend are weirdos." "Well, thank you very much for saying that, Mr Moody. We are weirdos, and we're proud." "Hey, Levi!" "Hey, (Y/N)!!" There were two different voices and two different names being called at the same time, yet they were coming from the same direction. Two sighs sounded when I saw Hanji and Levi saw Isabel. "What did I miss? Why are you two walking together?" Isabel asked. "We're going to get some breakfast. Since you, Hanji, never woke me up," I replied, arching an eyebrow and folding my arms over my chest. "I didn't know when your first lecture was, and I thought you would've put an alarm. How late were you?" "You weren't that late, you know. We started about a minute before you came." "So, I look like a mess and didn't make coffee for no damn reason? Ugh, I'm so glad I have no more lectures today." "Well, I need to head to my next lecture, so I guess I'll see you at home," Hanji smiled before fast-walking. "Me, too. Bye!" "Let's go?" I suggested and he nodded in response. Some words were spoken as we took our time in getting to a cafe that was a two-minute walk away. I told him a bit about myself, but he had very little to say as if he was hiding a shady past or something like that. Nevertheless, I didn't pry. "So you're not only a weirdo, but a perv as well?" "Hey! I'm not a pervert," I pouted, trying to fight back a smile. "It was a dare from Hanji... Though, I don't regret doing it," I muttered. "Perv." "Hush. Eren's ass is perfect to squeeze." "I don't want to know that," Levi said with a hint of disgust as he opened the door to the cafe, letting me go in first. We walked towards the queue and continued our conversation. "Well, if you want to start over and get to know me, then you have to know that I'm a weirdo, maybe a perv, and let's just say that you don't want to make me angry." "So you are a perv?" "Okay, fine. Yes, I am a perv," I announced. "And just like how I'm proud of being weird, I'm also proud of being a pervert." "Are you proud of letting your stomach rumble as well?" "Shut it, Ackerman." "Oh, hey, (Y/N)," the male at the register smiled. "Hi, Eren." I grinned back at him, seeing his gaze on the raven beside me. "This is Levi. I guess you could say we're acquaintances." "This is Eren?" Levi inquired and I saw a certain glint in his eyes. That is when I realised that I had told him I squeezed Eren's butt after getting a dare. Oh, why did I have a feeling that he was going to embarrass me? "Yeah. Nice to meet you, Levi. What do you guys want?" "You go first," I told the male and he nodded. "An Earl Grey, please." "Okay. And you, princess?" "Well, loverboy, could I get a coffee and pain au chocolat?" "Of course. Anything else?" "No, thanks," I replied, searching my pockets for my purse. Then my bag, but I couldn't find it. I bit the inside of my lip and turned to Levi. "I don't have my purse on me. Sorry. I'll pay you back." "You're too broke to do that, princess," he murmured and paid for our food. "Shut up. Thank you, Eren. Thank you, Levi." "No problem. I'll bring your drinks and food in a bit." I shot him another smile before strolling to a table with two seats facing each other. I took a seat, hanging my coat on the chair and dropped my bag to the ground, under my feet. "You and that kid in a relationship or something?" he randomly questioned after there was a moment of silence. "Me and Eren? No, no. We just have that kind of friendship where we act like a couple and call each other names. We don't actually like each other or anything. And he has a girlfriend, well, sort of." "What do you mean 'sort of'?" "It's not a stable relationship. There have been a few problems, and I've tried to tell Eren to just forget about her but he can't. I just want him to be happy with someone that truly cares for him and doesn't cause him any distress. He's come to me so many times just to cry over her." "What's her name?" "Mikasa." "What about Mikasa?" Eren spoke with a slight frown, placing down our things in front of us. "Oh, I was just talking about how she has the same surname as Levi and was wondering if he knew her." "Okay. Well, here's your coffee, tea and pain au chocolat. If there's anything else you need, just tell me." "Thank you." "... You're a good liar." "I'll take that as a compliment. Also, I'm surprised you haven't taken the chance to embarrass me yet." "Embarrass you? Why would I ever do that?" he remarked sarcastically, but obviously my dense ass couldn't sense that. "Because you know which boy's butt I squeezed, and you could expose me for being a pervert. Though, he already knows that I am. Everyone I know knows what kind of person I am." "A weirdo and a pervert," he stated after taking a sip of his tea. "I wonder what other traits you have." I snorted. "Are you sure you want to know?" He gave me a small glance, perfectly arching his brow. I felt as if I've known this person for longer than two days. Probably because me and Hanji have spoken about him for many years now. But, even then, I feel like we have a certain bond. And no, I'm not just saying that because he's the love of my life; I truly think we can create a strong friendship... and then, maybe something a little more. Even though he's a made-up person that became true, I sometimes forget who I'm talking to and just internally scream when I realise. But, seriously, how did this happen? I don't think I'll ever be able to believe that he became true (and maybe one day, I won't believe that I'm marrying him hehe). "Oi, you're spacing out again. Is that a habit of yours or are you just always tired? Or do you have someone on your mind?" "There's no one on my mind, I'm just always tired. Boys can piss off and leave me alone... apart from you, Levi. I love you-- Uhh, I mean, obviously I don't love you. We literally just met, I don't love you. It's just, uh, it's fun to hang out with you. You aren't like others... Ugh, I'm an idiot." I facepalmed the table and refused to look back at the male in front of me. "You aren't an idiot, you're a weirdo. Don't forget that. Anyway, I think we should head out because you look like you're going into a meltdown or something." "Sure. I'm just going to quickly finish my coffee." I gulped down the last few sips and left the mug on the table, thanking Levi for paying. He only nodded as I waved at Eren, who stopped us from leaving. "Could you wait like two minutes? My shift's over and I just want to relax at yours." "Yeah, sure. Levi, you can go if you want. I feel like I'm just dragging you around." "I'm the one that brought you here. I don't care about waiting for a brat." "Brat? He's the same age as us." "Yeah, I know. I just call people that, don't get offended, darlin'." "Darling? What's with these nicknames you're so generously handing out?" "Says that one that called me 'Mr Moody' in the first ten minutes we spoke." "Hey, you said yourself that you were in a bad mood." "Thanks for waiting. Should we go?" the teal-eyed boy beamed and I nodded, hooking my arm with his as he stuffed his hands into his pocket before all three of us left the cosy cafe. "So, where did Levi magically come from?" "He joined my uni yesterday, but we got off on the wrong foot and decided to start over. And since we're both doing biochemistry, he saw my miserable entrance, looking like a mess. And, my stupid belly chose to rumble so Levi kindly offered to get me breakfast. Now, we're just getting to know each other." "She's a pervert," Levi curtly said. "Yeah, that basically sums her up. Along with her being weird, tired, broke and an awesome friend." "You're lucky you added that last one before my fist was in your face." "Oh, she's also an adorable threatener. But, do not get on her bad side because she will be a monster towards you." "Yeah, Levi knows most of this already." "And I already regret talking to you," he teased. "Shut up, Ackerman." "Anyway, I'm going this way," Levi announced, pointing to the left as we were about to turn right. "We don't have any lectures tomorrow, so maybe I'll see you on Wednesday?" "Yeah. Bye, Levi." "See you later, darlin'. By the way, Eren, (Y/N) likes your ass." "Jerk," I muttered before looking at Eren, who just grinned at me. "And that's why you're a pervert." Both of us started to walk again but since I was holding onto him, I came to halt when he stopped in his tracks, pulling me to the side. "Tell me: why are you so comfortable around someone you just met?" "I'm not that comfortable. And you know I'm always friendly to new people." "Yeah, but not like this. What's the deal with you and him.?" "Nothing, Eren. Stop worrying. I'll tell you what this is all about one day." "... Fine. But, I have a bad feeling about him." "Levi? Why? He's perfect. I mean, I don't know that, but his friends seem to be really nice. And you can't get friends like that unless you're nice, too." "If you trust him, I'm going to have to trust you to not get into any trouble." "Yes, yes. Now, stop worrying." Eren rested an arm around my shoulders as we carried on going towards mine and Hanji's apartment. We walked there in silence, but my keys broke that serenity when they jingled against the door as I unlocked it and opened it, allowing Eren to walk in. We both took off our shoes as I locked the door behind us. Eren plopped down onto the sofa as I went to the bathroom to see my reflection. God, I looked like something out of a horror movie. How did people stand to look at me, or even talk to me? But I was home now, so I didn't bother fixing my appearance as I went to the living room and dropped onto the comfortable furniture next to Eren. "I would ask you if you want a drink, but we went past that stage of formality ages ago. Help yourself to whatever." "Thanks, but I just want to rest." "What's up? I know there's something you need to tell me," I said, ruffling his brunette hair like he was a little kid. "... I barely got any sleep last night. I was meant to go on a date with Mikasa yesterday after my evening shift. I reserved a table at some restaurant that has great reviews. So, after my shift, I dressed all nice and left to go to the restaurant. I took the bus and it took me half an hour to get there. She then called me as I walking up to the restaurant, saying she can't make it because she's sick. Obviously, being my stupid self, I just said okay and said that we can postpone our date. However, I was starving so I wasn't going to put that reservation to waste. When I got there and told them about the booked table under my name, they told me there were already some people that took the table, telling them that their name was Eren. I was so confused and looked over at a table, where I saw Mikasa and that jerk: Reiner." "And then you stormed off, went home and cried?" I asked, saying it like it was something ordinary. "... Yes..." "What's this, like the fifth time you've seen her with a different boy? I swear, it's not the same boy every time as well. I still don't get why you don't just break up with her. She doesn't deserve you, she doesn't make you happy, which is what you deserve. I say you break up with her sometime this week." "(Y/N), that's too soon." "I don't care. She's causing you into depression, and I don't like seeing you like this. I haven't seen you be happy once after you got into this relationship. And I don’t want to hear any excuses. You know that you aren't happy with her, so I don't get why you don't break up with her. Is she threatening you or something?" "..." "... Eren?" Shit. Eren, you better say something before that silence gives me the wrong idea. That bitch better not be hurting or threatening you, I thought, biting my lip as I waited for him to speak. "Eren, please say--" Once again, I pulled him into an embrace when he requested it and he quietly sobbed, nestling his face into the crook of my neck. This time, I truly felt sorry for him because he wasn't crying over another wrecked date, or another man he caught Mikasa with; it was something I've never heard about. I still haven't, but his silence implied it. I didn't want to say anything as I got lost in my thoughts. What kinds of things has this girl done to Eren - one of my closest friends? As I was in the middle of pondering, a phone's ringtone sounded in the room. It was Eren's and I didn't know if I should pick it up or not. When I saw the name of the caller, my bitchy side took over and I grabbed his phone which was on the coffee table in front of the sofa. I answered it with a sweet 'hello', waiting for a reply as I continued to hug Eren with one arm. He soon lifted off of me and tried wiping away the tears as he looked at me with an expression that destroyed my heart. "Who are you?" "It's (Y/N). You probably can't recognise my voice since I haven't seen you in so long," I said with fake politeness. "Oh, (Y/N)... Where's Eren, by the way?" "He's in the bathroom. I can take a message if you'd like." "No, it's fine. Just tell him to call me when he's free." "Yeah, like I'd do that, whore." "Excuse me? What did you just call me?" "(Y/N), what the hell are you doing?" Eren whispered angrily so I retracted the phone from my ear and covered the speakers. "Teaching her a lesson. How's she going to threaten you, cheat on you, reject every date, and still have the balls to call you? She's stupid to think that I'm going to let that slide. I don't like her, and neither do you, so I'm going to invite her here and you can talk to her." "(Y/N), please don't do this. I know you're doing this for me, but I don't know, I just can't break up with her. Even after everything she's done." "Eren, this is for your own good. You're always depressed and tired because of her. You need to let go and be free. This isn't how you're meant to be enjoying life." "... Fine. Bring that bitch over here." I smirked. "Good." I brought the phone back to my ear. "Sorry about that--" "What are you going on about? Why did you just call me a wh0re?" "If you want to know, come to my apartment. You know where I live. You can see your precious boyfriend as well." "I will. Because no one talks to me like that." She cut the phone and I passed Eren's phone to him. I got up and gave him some tissue to wipe his face that had some snot and tears. "Hey, I'm kind of nervous." "That's normal. Anyone would be nervous if they were about to break up with someone. Though, I feel bad. Did I just force this onto you?" "It's fine. I'm glad I'm finally getting it over with." "Also, was she threatening you?" "Yes..." "I would say you should've told me, but that was obviously something you couldn't say since she would do something. Damn, she's some messed up girl. Sorry. But I just had to say that." "No, I understand. I don't even know what I saw in her in the first place." "Don't beat yourself up about it. Everyone makes mistakes and you're going to learn from this for your next girlfriend. First of all, if she cancels a lot of your dates, break up with her. Second, if she cheats on you once, break up with her. And third, if she barely talks to you, or tries to avoid you, break up with her." "Okay. Thank you, (Y/N). I'd literally run back to her every time if you weren't here." "No worries, love. Just helping you with your problems." "Well, let me help you with yours, baby girl. What's on your mind? You've been acting a little distracted." "Mm... I guess I'm thinking about Levi..." "What's so special about him?" "... All right, I'm going to tell you this. But don't tell Levi, or anyone, because it's a stupid thing me and Hanji made up." "What happened to trusting me all the time? You always told me everything." "Yeah, but since you got with Mikasa, you've been a little occupied. Don't worry, though, you're still my second best friend," I grinned at the statement I had said years ago when I was around ten years old. I then changed the subject and told Eren about what me and Hanji created in our young, horny and stupid minds. "Wow... That's actually crazy. You guys never thought he was going to be real, but damn... Still, I don't think you should trust him too much. To be honest, that guy's suspicious, even supernatural if he was just someone made up." "That's what I was thinking. But, half the time I forget that he was someone I dreamt about. I feel like I've bonded with him before and we're just catching up with each other's lives." "I understand. But, unless he proves to be completely normal, don't get too attached to him." "Okay. And, it's been about twenty minutes since Mikasa hung up. I think she's going to be here soon. Do you know what you're going to say?" "Kind of. I've been thinking of a breakup scenario for a while, but I was never able to make it happen." "Hey, me and Hanji made up a guy and he happened. I think you can make this breakup happen; I believe in you." "Thank you so much, (Y/N). You honestly don't know how grateful I am for you." "Whenever you need me, I'll be here." I heard the buzzer echo through my apartment, meaning someone was asking for an entrance. I shot a glance at Eren before getting up and walking towards my front door, answering the phone and speaking a confident 'hello'. "It's Mikasa." "Oh, it's you," I spat with disgust. I pressed the button for the main door so she could come in and waited a couple of seconds before opening my front door. She barged past me, and I muttered: 'Never met someone so rude'. My bitchy side was locking in again and I locked the door before following her into the living room. Eren was now standing up, appearing as bold and someone who was ready to break up with Mikasa. "Eren, why did she call me a 'whore'?" "Well, is she wrong?" he pointed out.