#About whether loved ones who one's PD works differently for stay that way or are temporary

[system-splintered]

This might be a surprise but I often don't see most people as equal to me. Not that they aren't people, more that I and the person/people I value are something greater, as the definition of something is defined by the majority of what that thing is, so the majority of people being basically, well, moronic animals, it's a feature of humanity. A select few, my partner, sometimes a few others irl, and some people I know from here and discord, I see as more than that, but most people are just... An obstacle, or a tool, to me. I try not to let that affect how I treat people but that's often difficult for me. I'm nice, even charming on occasion, to most people I meet, particularly when certain parts are in front, or I see the person I'm meeting as potentially useful as an ally, but it's not because I feel like they deserve the kind of respect I maintain for people I truly care about from me. It's because people are nicer to you if you're nice first. Even if it's "fake" nice, as long as you don't tell anyone (that's two-faced, also a crime in the eyes of egotypicals) they genuinely don't seem to notice that it's all an act.

I think most people deserve the maintenance of this veneer of respect, as not doing so is typically offensive, but genuine respect is vulnerability, and I only show my belly to those I both see as my equal, and whom I trust not to bite and tear at my softness.

Sometimes someone will be in this group of equals in my eyes, and they say or do something I resent, and a switch flips in my brain, and I just don't give a fuck about them anymore.

It worries me that one day, my partner is gonna be one of them. So far, she's my longest lasting exception to the rule of generally not liking or respecting or showing vulnerability to anyone.

She's also the only one genuinely in the position of having earned my complete respect and admiration. For everyone else, it's been temporary and negotiable, able to be lost and at its root, incomplete. For her it's been nearly eight years, and a lot of mistakes, and it still hasn't gone away, but every time my symptoms flare and the group of people I see as even worth giving the time of day shrinks, my concern grows that the only person I've ever truly loved unconditionally, will turn out to have some conditions after all.

She's the only one I care about the opinion of. And she knows how I feel about most of humanity and agrees with me.

I think we both may have ASPD.

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

All Men Have Limits - VII

Character: Dick Grayson x Reader x Bruce Wayne

Summary: A certain bat believes that Y/N is in way over her head, that she’s too naive to act in her best interest. So, whether she wants it or not, the vigilante family is going to help and protect her before she gets herself killed.

Word Count: 3,500+

Warning: Mention of domestic violence

Previously on…

“The Court is holding session two weeks from now,” Y/N announced to the group.

“How do we know they’re going through with it after all the recent attention?” Damian challenged.

“They haven’t missed one in over over 20 years.”

“So, what’s the plan?” Dick asked.

Y/N took in a deep breath, “We need a diversion.”

“Diversion?” Jason asked.

She nodded. “The Court has two kinds of protection: the Talons and then the protection they either buy or blackmail. The Talons are at every meeting, making sure nothing goes down and protecting The Court.”

Y/N eyed all of them before continuing – except for Bruce. The two of them hadn’t spoken since their argument, and Y/N hadn’t so much as acknowledged him.

“We need to do something to drag the Talons away from The Court – something big,” Y/N clarified.

“Like what?” Tim asked.

She didn’t say anything. Instead she just awkwardly shifted her weight.

“No,” Dick shut down, being the first to put it together.

“It’s the only way,” she countered.

By now the rest of them had figured out that Y/N wished to put herself in danger once again.

“They almost killed you,” Dick started to get heated.

“Yeah, and they’re even more anxious to kill me after the trouble we caused them. We all know it. The quickest way to get the Talons out of hiding is to dangle me in right front of their faces. Make it so easy that they can’t say no.”

They all went quiet.

“It’s a good idea,” Jason broke the silence.

Jason wasn’t one to beat around the bush. He was brutally honest. Also, he wasn’t scared of a risk. 

Dick glared at him.

But to his surprise, so did Bruce.

“We don’t use our own as bait,” Bruce finally spoke for the first time.

But he wasn’t even looking in Y/N’s vicinity.

That didn’t stop Y/N from rolling her eyes at ‘our own,’ as if she were actually treated the same as everyone in this family.

“Fine,” she snapped. “So what’s your genius plan for getting the Talons away from The Court and where we want them?”

Bruce was quiet, but clearly because he was thinking.

“B, we only have two weeks to get this together,” Dick tried to reason.

Y/N just continued, “While we’re distracting the Talons, the FBI and Gotham PD can raid The Court’s meeting. Security will be at an all-time low and they won’t be able to fight their way out with the distraction of a Talon defense.”

“We can think of another way,” Bruce said. Then he addressed all boys, “We’re heading out for patrol in 15.”

Dick stood up to join them.

To everyone’s shock Y/N and Bruce simultaneously said, “You’re staying here.”

Dick’s brow furrowed. “I’m fine.”

“You’re still injured,” Y/N argued. “You’re stitches aren’t even out yet.”

“You’re staying here with Y/N,” Bruce added on.

Tim, Damian, and Jason all looked at each other in amusement from seeing Bruce and Y/N gain up on Dick.

Bruce muttered out radiuses at the other three boys for patrolling.

“Just to be clear, I’m going back to being a lone wolf when this Court of Owls bullshit is over with,” Jason announced. “But I have to admit, the drama is entertaining.”

“Aww! Come on, J! You know you love the quality family time,” Tim teased.

“I personally can’t wait for him to go away,” Damian mumbled.

“Do you know what a swirly is?” Jason asked the youngest boy.

“No.”

“Do you want to find out?”

Damian looked at Tim for some kind of hint. But Tim just aggressively shook his head in warning.

“Enough,” Bruce warned, but he wasn’t all that annoyed.

When they all left for patrol, Y/N walked to her computers.

“What are you doing?” Dick questioned.

She gave him a look, “Uhhh…doing my job?”

“You did your job,” he countered. “Give yourself a break.”

Y/N knew he was technically right. She already had everything they needed to show the FBI and Gotham PD in order to take down The Court of Owls. Now they just had to wait – even if Bruce wasn’t on board with Y/N’s plan on playing bait.

“Plus,” Dick smirked. “I need someone to entertain me.”

She playfully glared at him. “Oh, I see. So this isn’t about me needing a break. It’s about you needing attention.”

He had no shame. “Maybe.”

Y/N shook her head at his ridiculous, but couldn’t hide her smirk.

“How about I teach you some self defense?” Dick offered.

“Dick! What part of ‘you’re recovering’ is so hard for you to understand?”

He had the audacity to laugh at her reaction. “Fine. Fine. But you should learn a few things at some point.”

Then Dick started walking to the training area, specifically where all the gymnastics equipment was.

Y/N hadn’t seen anyone using it while she was down there, but she assumed it was mostly for Dick.

Without warning, Dick did a press handstand mount on the balance beam, and then he held the handstand.

“Dick! Stop!” Y/N said in a panic.

And she did exactly what he wanted, leaving her computer and walking down to where he was on the balance beam.

“What?” He shrugged as he now stood on the balance beam. “It’s just a handstand. Relax.”

“I swear to god, Dick Grayson, if you do a fucking flip on that thing…”

“You’ll what?” He challenged with a smirk. “Come up here and stop me.”

Y/N crossed her arms and glared at him. “Fine. I will.”

Dick was beaming from his success.

Y/N might not be a gymnast or a vigilante the same way as all of them, but she wasn’t completely hopeless when it came to athletics. She managed to lift herself up enough to sit on the balance beam.

However, standing up was an entirely different thing.

“Fuck,” Y/N muttered under her breath.

“You got it,” Dick encouraged.

But he was still walking across towards her as if the thing was a runway.

“Have these things always been this fucking narrow? I thought it was like width of bleacher seats.”

Dick chuckled as he offered her a hand.

“I got you. Come on,” he urged her softly.

Y/N slowly stood on the balance beam, but gripped Dick’s hands tightly.

“I have some newfound respect,” she laughed lightly as she looked down at their feet.

“Harder than it looks,” Dick agreed.

“Do you think you could’ve gone to the Olympics?” Y/N genuinely asked.

He shrugged, “Who knows. Probably not.”

But Y/N knew he was most likely being modest.  

Then Dick let go of her hands to grip her waist, “Try walking.”

“I feel like we’re in Dirty Dancing. You know, like the scene where they’re working on lifts and walking across the log in the woods.”

He smiled.

Y/N lost her balance a little bit and panicked.

But Dick’s grip on her waist was strong. “You’re OK. I got you.”

It was hard to focus on balancing and walking when his gentle voice said things like that to her, making her stomach drop and her heartbeat quicken.

And it all proved to be too much when Y/N really lost her balance and there was no stopping her from falling. She shoved into Dick too hard, making him lose his grip as well.

But as they fell, Dick quickly maneuvered their bodies so he took the fall and caged her body protectively.

Y/N instantly sat up in hysterics.

“Oh my god! Oh my god! Are you OK?” Y/N cried out as her eyes went down to where he still had stitches, half expecting blood to be on his t-shirt from the wound reopening.

But Dick was laughing his ass off.

“It’s not funny!” She slapped his chest.

“I’m not made of glass, Y/N.”

She couldn’t keep her own amusement in check much longer and started laughing along with him.

But then Dick’s phone lit up and vibrated beside them. It must’ve fallen out of his pocket when they fell.

Y/N didn’t mean to look. She really didn’t. But her eyes couldn’t stop from reading the name ‘Barbara Gordon’ on the screen.

Her smile dropped for some reason.

But Dick didn’t see the problem.

He casually reached over and looked at the message.

Y/N moved off of Dick. “Texting your ex?”

Dick narrowed his eyes at the framing of her question. “Do you know every woman I’ve ever dated?”

She smirked at that. “Maybe.”

“Yes, I am. She’s a friend.” He tilted his head. “Don’t you stay in touch with any of your exes?”

Y/N shrugged and shook her head. “I don’t really have any ex-boyfriends. Just…” she hesitated, “people I’ve hooked up with or whatever.”

Dick nodded slowly.

“Why hasn’t she been around?” Y/N changed the subject quickly.

“She’s been working her own case – had to go undercover for awhile.”

She nodded. But wasn’t looking at him as they talked now.

“You know…just because that’s what’s happened in the past doesn’t mean that it always has to be that way,” he told her quietly.

“Easy for you to say.”

Dick winced a bit. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Her gaze finally moved up from the floor to his. “You’re a serial monogamist. Being in relationships is easy for you.”

“That’s what you think of me?” Dick couldn’t hide the hurt in his voice. “You think I don’t know how to be alone?”

“I didn’t say that,” she quickly defended.

“But that’s what you were implying.”

Y/N got up from the mats and started to leave.

“No. Don’t do that,” Dick caught her arm.

“Do what?” She challenged as she pulled her arm away from him.

“Don’t make up problems that don’t exist, Y/N.”

She huffed at that.

“Yeah, I’ve been in serious relationships for most of my life. Not because I didn’t know how to be alone, but because I loved them.” He shook his head. “I know men have treated you like shit, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to do the same.”

“What are we even talking about, Dick?” She shot back.

How did they get from messing around on a balance beam to discussing their non-existent relationship?

“Don’t play dumb, Y/N. You’re one of the smartest people I know. Act like it.”

It wasn’t until now that Dick saw how Bruce and Y/N were similar. He’d never met anyone else that could push people away like they did. But it was clear they both thought it was easier and less complicated to isolate themselves. 

Maybe that’s why they gravitated toward each other. Like if the faced it together than they were cheating their way out of their own rules.

Except Dick couldn’t help but wonder what Y/N’s life could look like with someone who really loved her, who showed her that she didn’t have to face the world alone. Obviously he wanted to be that person for her. But his ego wasn’t too proud to allow someone else to do that for her. Even if it hurt like hell.

“Dick, I can’t–”

But he didn’t let her say another word, and his lips crashed against hers.

She tried to be stubborn and pull away, but he wasn’t letting her get away.

Dick deepened the kiss. This wasn’t like the night of the gala. It wasn’t innocent and soft. No, this was filled with fire and infatuation.

Dick wasn’t being polite anymore. His hands slipped under her t-shirt to grasp her waist, needing to feel her and refusing to allow fabric between his touch and her skin.

Maybe he was trying to prove something to Y/N now.

But just when Y/N was about to push it further, Dick pulled away.

Their lips were both swollen.

And he kept close to her, tempting her with another kiss – but not giving in.

“You don’t want to talk about it? Fine.” His voice was raspy.

Eventually he’d push her to talk about them. For now, he’d let her figure things out.

“But don’t convince yourself that I’m no one to you.”

———————

Y/N couldn’t sleep.

Her mind was restless.

She knew Dick had been right: she was trying to point out issues that didn’t exist, picking unnecessary fights.

Getting Dick frustrated was a great way to stop herself from actually reflecting on how she was starting to feel about him.

Instead of tossing and turning in bed, Y/N decided to go to the library. She hadn’t spent much time there – too busy practically living in cave. But it had intrigued her since she arrived. It was so beautiful, and even large enough to hide in.

She was a hour or so into a book she grabbed from the shelves when someone cleared their throat.

Y/N jumped in fright and looked up to see Bruce leaning against one of the book shelves.

His hair was wet and he was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. Clearly he’d just taken a shower.

“You’re back early,” she noted.

It wasn’t even 4AM yet.

“Quiet night. The boys had patrolling handled.”

She just nodded and went back to her book.

But Bruce’s presence made it impossible for her to even focus enough on the words to keep reading. So, she faked it.

“I owe you an apology.”

Her stare snapped up.

“I should not have spoken to you the way I did.”

Y/N was silent.

“It was unfair, and I was mistaken. I apologize.”

Y/N watched him for a moment before saying, “Apology accepted.”

She expected him to leave after that. He’d checked his little box. Now they could both move on.

“I was scared,” Bruce confessed. “That I was going to find you dead. And then I was scared Dick would lose it and…” His words died out.

“Well… you hid that very easily.”

“I have to.”

“I know. But you don’t realize how frustrating that can be for other people.”

Bruce sighed and frowned. “I understand.”

Y/N finally put her book down and got up from the love seat to slowly walk to where Bruce was standing.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you,” she apologized softly. “And I’m sorry for scaring you. I was only doing what I thought was right.”

Bruce didn’t even realize what he doing until he pulled Y/N into his arms and felt her bury her face into his chest and hug him back. He tightened his hold around her, breathing in her hair.

Y/N was surprised by his hug, but she was grateful for it.

She closed her eyes and breathed him in. It was either his body wash or his cologne, but Bruce always smelled like musk and wood. Y/N was rarely close enough to smell it this well. But when she did, it instantly soothed her.

“Why are you up so late?” Bruce asked when they finally pulled away.

Y/N let out a long sigh, “Just couldn’t sleep.”

“Come on. I’ll make you some tea.”

“You do not know how to make tea,” she answered while trying not to laugh.

“I am not as hopeless in the kitchen as you’d imagine,” he told her with a smirk.

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” she replied, as she followed him downstairs.

True to his word, Bruce made Y/N lavender tea, making it just as Alfred had taught him as a child.

He gave her a smug smirk when he handed her one of the mugs and saw how surprised she was by him.

Y/N never expected he would linger. 

But an hour later, they were still sitting on the barstools at the island.

The conversation was slow, but light.

Now that Y/N had spent so much time with the family, she mostly talked about the boys with Bruce, asked him questions about each of them.

It was easier for him to talk about them than himself – or them. 

Little did Bruce know, Y/N was learning so much more about him from the way he talked about all of them.  

Bruce was subtle, but Y/N could tell how proud he was of all of them – even Jason, who he had a tumultuous relationship with. He loved them with all his heart, even though he was terrible at showing it.

“Damian’s the only one who still lives here. Tim has a penthouse in the city. And Dick is constantly jumping around place to place. But it’s been...nice having them around so much recently,” Bruce admitted with hesitation.

“And what about Jason?” She asked. “He never seems to stay here.”

Bruce hid his sadness and disappointment well, but Y/N could still see it.

“I’m lucky Jason even speaks to me,” he answered darkly. “He tends to like his space and prefers to…keep to himself.”

She nodded, not forcing the subject more.

But then her eyes got a glimpse of the clock. And she looked inside her now empty mug. How long ago did she finish it?

“I should probably attempt to get at least a couple hours of sleep,” she murmured as she got up from the stool. 

Bruce nodded, and did that thing where men stand up as soon as a woman does.

No matter how many times he did it, Y/N was always caught off guard by it.

“Thank you for the tea,” her voice was so quiet, but sincere. She smiled, “I’m sorry for ever doubting your skills.”

He grinned and watched her leave.

But when Y/N reached the edge of the kitchen she turned around. “If I asked you a question, would you answer truthfully? And I mean really answer.”

Bruce observed her for a few seconds. 

He knew she deserved his honesty.

They constantly answered each other’s questions with questions. It was like a dance – or a fight – which one probably just depended on the day.

He nodded.

“It’s okay if I am. Really, it is.” She took a short inhale. “But was I just another one of Bruce Wayne’s conquests?”

The desperation for honesty was so clear in her face and voice. If he said ‘yes,’ it would hurt her, but she would get over it. After all, that’s what she’d been assuming all this time.

Bruce did not have the words. Furthermore, he saw this for what it was: the two of them approaching dangerous territory.

But he owed her this.

Bruce didn’t break her stare as he carefully shook his head.

“Goodnight, Bruce.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

——————

LATER THAT NIGHT/EARLY MORNING…

Bruce knew Dick would be in the gym in the manor.

Everyone trained in the cave, so Dick knew no one would find him there. And he could workout in peace without being reprimanded about resting and being cautious about his injuries.

Dick had been sprinting on the treadmill when Bruce walked in.

When he spotted his entrance in the mirror, Dick stopped the machine.

He was dripping in sweat, proving that he’d been training hard – too hard for his condition.

Wonder where he learned that from…

“What’s up?” Dick asked as he wiped his face with a towel.  

“I had a feeling you weren’t resting,” Bruce said as he crossed his arms.

“I’m fine,” Dick shot back.

But he did a double take when he realized how deep in thought Bruce seemed to me. He was staring off, an extremely unusual thing for him. 

“Bruce?” Dick asked with concern. 

“Y/N’s parents abused her,” Bruce told him firmly all of the sudden. “Her father was an alcoholic – beat her and his wife. Her mother emotionally and mentally terrorized her. After running away countless times, Y/N was finally able to emancipate herself at 16.”

Dick’s entire body froze. “How do you know that?”

“She told me.” 

Bruce didn’t mean to sound smug. 

But Dick still took it that way. 

“For obvious reasons, she didn’t go into great detail. But I filled in the blanks with research – though she’s hid her past well, as you can imagine. She was homeless after that. Broke in where she could. Tried to stay off the streets. Even dressed like a boy for safety.”

Dick felt sick as he listened. Stories like this were all too familiar to their family. 

“One day, she saw someone coding on their computer at a coffee shop. She had always overachieved at computer science in school, and it intrigued her. As you and I both know, she caught on rather quickly.”  

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because she’s not going to,” Bruce replied as if it’s obvious.

Dick scowled, still not putting together the deeper meaning. They had never shared a conversation like this before. And it was confusing him.

Was Bruce trying to shove his past with Y/N in Dick’s face?

“I was the first person she ever shared her past with,” Bruce said slowly. “And it took me far too long to realize that I mishandled her trust. I did not deserve it.”

Dick could see the regret on Bruce’s face as he spoke.

But Dick finally understood what Bruce was actually trying to tell him: ‘If she does you the same honor, don’t you dare make the same mistake I did.’

“I understand,” was all Dick responded with.

Bruce gave a curt nod.

“Need I remind you that the cave has cameras?”

Bruce saw them kiss. But little did he know, it wasn’t their first.

Dick only quirked an eyebrow as if it say, ‘So? What of it?’

-----------

Part 8

Guys, I was 30 minutes early. You’re welcome. 

I want to point out that Y/N’s dark past was always part of the story. But I avoided actually including it because I am not a fan of fanfic writers often romanticizing abuse or mental health issues or other serious matters. I just want everyone to know that I take things like this seriously and I’m not just using them as a plot point. 

So here is a resource if you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence. 

[kkyujikoo]

These are my... 2...? Maybe 50, cents about the whole "freejk" thing. I'm gonna be extremely petty and at some points a whole lot sarcastic and it's gonna be long but I had to say it. As soon as I get my computer I'm gonna make it under read more, but the app does whatever it wants, as we know.

Listen, this ain't my first fan rodeo, and not even the first fan rodeo where I've been directly or indirectly accused of being some sort of pervert or delulu. I've been in fandom spaces since I was a teen, I was shipping mlm couples when queerbaiting in TV shows was still something that was seen as the norm rather than some cheap disgusting trick. I was there when fanfic spaces saw "slash" fics as something "different" and to be tagged with a more mature rating even when they just looked at each other.

I was in BBC's Sherlock's fandom and I shipped Johnlock during the hiatus between S3 and S4, at this point I'm not even feeling it when people call me delulu or a weirdo.

So, yeah, take this with a grain of salt: as a person who has seen thousands of times fandom drama unfolding and has lived too much of it... This whole situation is so ridiculous it makes me laugh. Like, yeah, it's maddening how people will blame anyone and everyone because they don't even see their own bias and homophobia, granted, but like... It also makes me laugh for the sheer dumbassery of the reasoning behind it all?

Like... Y'all are getting mad and for what? Because it sure as hell isn't the invasion of privacy, since y'all are watching the same content we're all watching and you're paying to see it the same way everyone else is. If you don't want to "invade their privacy", you should just... Stop watching content that isn't their music videos, RUN episodes or interviews. Memories and any kind of dvd/video that shows what they're doing behind the scenes shouldn't be part of their job as musicians, and therefore we're intruding in their privacy... Or aren't we?

Or maybe it's more nuanced than that: maybe the content they release on dvd/on their official channels is part of their job as entertainers, and it's been approved, and it's a small window THEY are granting us.

You know what's the REAL invasion of privacy and what REALLY invalidates someone autonomy? When you, who maybe aren't even paying to see that content (which is something I understand, like, dude, I'm not covered in money either), DEMAND what kind of behind the scenes content you want when I swear ABSOLUTELY NO ONE has asked you. Once again: you don't like it? You think it's some huge invasion of privacy? Don't buy it. Don't interact with it. Convince your friends to do the same. For all I care, just go and petition to boycott this kind of content. I know you won't do it, because... That's the thing, isn't it? It's not the invasion of privacy that bothers these people.

Y'all aren't mad because we get into their business or else you would have gotten real mad when we were privy to REAL private moments like people crying their hearts out.

No, no. Y'all are mad because it's "shipping content" and "fanservice" which apparently bothers you because it lacks authenticity.

Pick a side, lovelies: either you DON'T want to invade their privacy, and thus all the content they release should be focused on what fans want to see, or you WANT to know how they interact TRULY in private.

And here's the catch: "shipping content" can be anything. Shipping existed WAAAAAYYY before the word for it was invented, same way with fanfictions. Shipping means, literally, "seeing two (or more) people interact and thinking they would make a good romantic pair". That's it. That's quite literally it. Everything else is just some nuance of the concept of shipping, but at its core, it's nearly impossible to ban all shipping content when it's a group of seven people, because they should for real go in social distancing mode to do so. Most people who have parasocial relationships tend to have "ships" whether they know it or not, because we've all, at least once, looked at a dynamic from the outside and thought "oh man they look cute together". So, even if, o dear ones, your wishes were granted... What the hell do you mean by "shipping" content? Should they just film solo clips, avoiding talking about the other members? But wouldn't that be fanservice, since it's focused on pleasing the fans? (Which, ultimately, is what fanservice MEANS, and I hate to break it to y'all but the whole concept behind entertainment and thus all the content BTS releases it's... For the fans. Like, they're not going out of their way to just meet our expectations but they're certainly doing fanservice by the mere act of releasing bonus content.)

But it's not even quite that, is it? Because no one bats an eye if it's Tae kissing Nj's cheek. I've seen no hashtag against everyone - and I mean literally every one of them - wolf whistling at Nj. It's okay to show intimacy... Because they're bandmates and it's okay to be close to someone who you see basically 24/7, I hear you. And it's also okay when people see that and gush over that closeness, because it's such a nice thing to see.

Soooooo... We've got to free JK from whom exactly? From what?

Are y'all mad cause people pointed out there's very little way a bruise that stayed for a whole ass night could be a quick bite? Because that doesn't harm jk, at most makes fun of him and jimin and their poor excuses (seriously, guys, next time consider using mosquitoes or "I was doing stuff". It'll be equally embarrassing but at least the meme will be funny), and it's literally... A fair observation. Like. It's a hickey, people are gonna make jokes about seeing a hickey and poor excuses of covering it up in the exact same way they're gonna make jokes over jimin falling out of chairs. And yeah, a hickey is AT LEAST something that happens in a sensual context. Like, I could understand "people who are extremely familiar with each other will have different body language/touch in areas where usually you wouldn't see friends touching each other", but that's not. Not a hand on the thigh. It's a hickey on the neck. I don't even know a more stereotypical placing for a hickey. But once again, are y'all mad because someone is pointing it out? Because that's not being delulu or even being a shipper, really, it's just commenting on something that was approved to be shown and discussed in something that was released BY THEM.

Are y'all mad at hybe for showing something that literally fell onto their hands? Cause like, unless someone (I'm counting on Jimin, since as we know Jungkook was busy spinning him round and round and had both his hands busy) called at hybe headquarters to say "yo bang pd substitute, is it okay if I give my friend jk here a hickey? Cause he's being really annoying rn and he has to pay", I highly doubt anyone expected Jungkook to come to rehearsal all neatly marked up. Or idk, maybe someone at hybe asked them "we need Jungkook to come in with a hickey but refuse to say it's a hickey, so that fans will feel reeeeally served." That sounds perfectly plausible too. Or a good marketing strategy.

Now, if you're a big company and your objective is to have some footage of the rehearsals for a concert, and the fandom is too good at noticing stuff for their own good, and one of your artists comes in with a very visible mark, and he and his bff bropal4lyfe come n with a story about how they were playing and a bite happened, you've got three choices: 1. Cut the artist out of aaaaalll the footage. Someone would have noticed the "bite mark" anyway, you best believe that. If you don't want anyone to notice it, you gotta cut him in most of the footage where it's visible. 2. Keep the hickey, discard the explanations. You could do that, but also it would feel a lot more unfaithful to everyone involved. Also they clearly worked their ass off to invent an explanation, come on! They truly tried to do their best inventing something that was not "it's a mosquito bite", they should get some credit! 3. Keep the bite, keep the explanation.

Notice how none of these solutions include the biting never happening because... They couldn't prevent it? The only thing they have any control over is how they're framing each "accident". And that's not an easy job.

I applaud you, people on the editing team.

So... On whom should we cast the blame now? Ah, yes, I think it's finally time for the ultimate scapegoat of this fandom: Jimin. Which is funny, cause... You know... If this were really about privacy, or being "victims" of shipping... This should be about freeing him too, you know? But obviously Jimin does it for attention, while Jungkook, poor angel that he is, doesn't even know what shipping is.

Furthermore, don't we all know how much Jimin imposes himself in Jungkook's life? To the point where he, multimillionaire man feels compelled to share a car with Jimin even if they're both late in the process. And can't you see how uncomfortable he is, draping himself over Jimin, making Jimin drap himself over him?

Oh lordy, truly such an awful eight years Jungkook spent, choosing to have vacations with someone who made him uncomfortable, spending free time with him, even having to suck his ear in public to the point you can see his saliva just because Jimin was sad :( truly an all-around bad time for Jungkook, as evidenced by alllll those times when he said Jimin was pretty, cute, and all-around knowing every little thing about Jimin. I absolutely concur, the dude would be so much more happy if jimin was not in his life.

Did that sound weird and absolutely ridiculous and a really absurd joke? Because that's what y'all sound like to me. Like. Jungkook is out there living his best life, getting hickeys and showered in affection and y'all paint him as a fucking martyr??? I'm sure he's really truly desperate that Jimin holds him in such high regards 😭😭😭 I can see him suffering whenever he starts doing his own serendipity rendition 😭😭 and when he claimed you are me, I am you as his and Jimin's only 😭😭😭 I cannot believe this poor baby 😭😭😭

I've reached a point where every time I hear this stuff I laugh because the levels of twisting reality when it comes to jikook are extraordinary, Jungkook will have a literally blissed out face and people will cry in outrage.

But coming back to my point: let's pretend you're not mad at Jimin and the possibility that jikook are dating: are y'all mad... At the hickey? Because at this point it seems like the only feasible solution. And if you are, do not worry: I'm sure Jungkook's skin was throughly healed by his boo. A kiss soothes even the worst pain, doesn't it?

[nightswithkookmin]

RE HOW BIGHIT MARKETS BTS

Thanks for the question dear.

Marketing is for a lot of things but in BTS's case, I'd say the primary goal of marketing them is to expose the entire group and or the individual members to an audience, a particular audience at a time, to brand them in a way that makes them appealing to that target market- to put it simply.

During one of the recent run episodes, when Jimin performed his dance from Serendipity- which I must say, God he is breathtakingly beautiful when he dances. Serendipity and the choreo is my weakness. If I see anything better than that- hold on, there's filter too. Ayayaya.

Stream Serendipity and Filter🔪

Oh and did y'all see JM's bit in Film out? Omg! I'm afraid I'd have to fly to South K to kiss his talented ass morning, afternoon, evening.

Who's coming?

Anywho, when Jimin performed Serendipity on Run and suggested that was the dance the staff was performing, the members- cough RM, quickly pointed out how he was plugging, self promoting (to Run's target audience)

Run has a different demographic.

When Suga talked about them not being funny on their Let's BTS show on KBS the Host pointed out how they were actually funny in their Run episodes.

A lot of Army(who are already fans of BTS or each individual member) watch Run but not all who watch Run are Army or even listen to BTS songs. So any performance of an individual's music or choreo would attract such a 'unique' viewer who might go on to become that member's stan or bias etc.

Similarly, when a member embarks on a solo project they are exposed to a new or unique audience. That's where most of the solo stans come from.

For V, his fanbase are not just made up of people who enjoy him as a musician but as an actor as well.

He has a strong fanbase in SK outside of 'Army' because of his exposure to the Korean market beyond BTS and this comprises of his musical collaborations with Korean Artists and film companies such as his OST Sweet Night on the series Itaewon class.

It's the same with Suga and IU, his Agust D mixtapes which draws in audiences that are not necessarily into boybands, RM's Mono whixh attracts strong hiphop fans, Jimin's dance collaborations with Taemin for example and his contemporary dance performance which attracts people in the world of contemporary dance and ballet- point in case the black swan performance at the end of the year, Jin and Hobi's MCing etc.

All these projects exposes them to unique audiences and markets outside of Army or BTS's own fanbase.

And I think the best way to understand how this is important or how this affects BigHit's marketing approach is to look at their recent YouQuiz interviews.

Jimin, Jhope and JK were paired to attract aspiring dancers or persons who want to be dancers and learn from these three dance leaders of BTS- or at least they were paired to appeal to them in my opinion.

Tae and RM were equally paired to appeal to creatives and creative minds and persons who are more into composing and writing lyrics and are full of passion and musical geniuses.

Jin and Suga were paired to appeal to mature audiences.

Ten out of ten when any pair is paired in BTS it is for marketing reasons to appeal to certain fanbase or audiences and are often strategic moves unless of course it's to balance things out to not create the impression they are promoting subunits within the group in furtherance of the BTS kumbaya agenda- Team over units or solos.

So Jikook are not gonna be allowed to sit together all the time even if they want to, neither would JinKook, or Sope.

They shake and reshuffle sometimes.

And like Tae said in his 2018 VLive, the company decides who they collaborate in or what market to promote them in.

Tae was allowed to collaborate with Adora on his Chrismas song but not Jimin- which to me is very homophobic but it goes to show the company has a say in who they work with and most importantly which market they work in.

For JK, he's been working his way within the American marke and building a strong fanbase internationally from his English covers of Justin Bieber, Troye Sivan, to his collaboration with Charlie Puth, and most recently Jason Derulo in Savage love- that's a lot of English speaking fanbase he's attracting and appealing to outside of Army.

Tae's English mixtape would achieve a similar feat and draw in a lot of English speaking fans.

Bts did the same with dynamite and coldplay's Fix you.

So by allowing JK to work with renowned Japanese Artists and film companies, collaborating and composing original sound tracks for them such as his Your eyes tell OST, Film out, etc. he is appealing to and drawing in a Japanese audience.

As Hobi explained in his 2019 January Vlive, their mixtapes, solo projects, collaborations with Artists outside of BTS are all ways for them to expand their fanbase individually and build their portfolio.

And these new fans are mostly going to be solo stans who stan him for his music composing abilities but of course some may fall in love with BTS as well and go on to become Army so it's a win win situation.

WOULDN'T THE OTHERS OBJECT

Yes and no.

As long as the company isn't pushing him as a soloist outside of BTS and creating a separate brand with him outside of BTS's own brand I don't think the boys would object to it.

That was the problem they had/have with Jikook. In my opinion.

The company branding Jikook, distinctifying them from the group as a 'couple' subunit, selling their chemistry to fans and advertisers really doesn't and didn't sit well with the group. AT ALL.

In my opinion of course.

You can't create a brand within a brand.

It goes against Bang PD's own objective of prioritizing the team over all else which is what sold the members in the first place.

I just think in JK's case, since 2020, they are just trying to help him find himself and his bearing and his purpose.

He's been trying to find himself since 2020 and he'd talked about losing his passion and had had his passion hijacked and commercialized by the company.

He used to say he didn't know what he was going to do with himself and his life and career after BTS- having him work on music videos, directing, composing, reading these are all ways that they are doing right by him if you ask me.

They are helping him not trying to push their own agendas- which is not to say they might not change their minds about it in the future.

JK is an artist being managed by the company and they owe a duty to him to make the right business decisions for him with his consent- can't stress on the consent bit enough.

Personally, I'm happy about Japan because they are and are shaping out to be queer friendly and have a bit of progressive laws and conducive environments for queer artists to flourish in- if coming out would ruin their careers that's one less worry.

Which by the way I hate anyone who peddles this 'coming out will ruin their careers' nonsense because I can tell you one hundred percent that that is rooted in homophobia and it's not OK.

Don't tell that to no queer people shut up. You are not helping.

I know some say that out of genuine concerns for the boys but PLEASE DON'T. Don't use fear to keep queer people hidden and out of sight. Don't promote closet safety. Rhetorics like that only perpetuate queer invisibility and homophobia- do I need to spell it out to your liberal homophobic ass?!

Coming out is entirely up to them regardless of the risk you think is involved. If they want to take it. They'll take it. It's their choice to make regardless of whatever consequence.

That there are or should be consequences is a problem in of itself.

I don't want to hear 'if JK comes out he's been stupid and reckless and putting Jimin's career at risk'

'If he loves Jimin he wouldn't come out'

Go ahead kiss it😌

If he wants to stay closested respect it. If he wants to come out RESPECT IT TOO.

Support him either ways goddammit!

Y'all gone get me bothered like that huh.

JK POTENTIALLY WITHOUT JIMIN

They both have different career objectives.

I know Jimin says JK is imitating him but chilee JK is his own person. Lol.

Jimin plays too much.

He has his own aspirations.

In 2014 Jimin posted this Christmas song he did with JK. In 2020 he posted his own Christmas song without Jk.

It's not hard to see where his interests in music lie as a musician.

JK covered We don't talk anymore by himself and later did a collaboration with Jimin on the same song. He's done Fools with RM- see where I'm going with this?

Suga said he was more likely to write pop songs for JK but write dance songs for Jimin.

Jk said in the Be interviews bang PD advised him to consider dance performances when writing songs as he himself is a dancer too and need to incorporate in his compositions.

They are two distinct artists and at some point it would become necessary to brand, promote and encourage their uniqueness in their professional lives. They don't got to be tethered to each other all the time.

Personally, I don't think BigHit would want to push official subunits within BTS- yet and it's inclination towards Jikook have always been because of their marketing appeal rather than to further a career objective for both of them.

This goes back to the pairing objectives I talked about earlier. If they are going to pair Jikook professionally as an official subunit within the group it wouldn't be because they are a couple and ought to be together all the time but because it is smart for them to do so business wise.

If their pairing isn't commercially profitable they won't be paired at all- unless of course Jikook themselves want and request to be paired in that way. Know what I mean?

They each signed separate contracts with the company from day dot. They didn't sign on as a unit.

Whether or not they've decided they are a package deal I cannot say- yet, as their new contract just came into effect.

We would have to observe how they are being handled by the company going forward.

HE'D NEVER DO IT WOULD HE

Come now sis...

It's not like he's leaving Jimin😅

Jimin and Jhope were equally sent to Japan for promotion purposes without JK.

Out of all seven, Namjoon is the most promoted member in the international Market not just because he speaks English but because he is often made the spokes person for the group in interviews, at awards straight up to the UN.

Look how happy they all were and how chatty they were at the KBS Let's BTS interview.

I mean they all talked about it. About how they can't say much on foreign forums and often step into Namjoon's shadows.

RM is the most recognized and dare I say the most liked member out of all seven in the international market outside Army and their music profession.

In Japan they all have a chance to be front and center at interviews etc.

It just so happens that JK as it stands is the one member pushing to build a portfolio within that market.

Let's pray he gets mainstream and build a strong presence within the music industry there because we all know he's gonna drag Jimin up there with him😏

Just pay attention to the songs he's written and the parts Jimin sings in them- he makes Jimin shine on those songs.

They have so much potential my God.

Let's support them individually and as a unit.

I purple you and sorry I had to respond here.

Stay gold. Let's keep supporting and rooting for our guys.

Signed,

GOLDY

[baubabble]

“Subtle Differences” Part I - Hotch x F!Reader

PART II FINAL PART

Summary: When three women turn up dead in Seattle, the BAU heads West to investigate the crimes. The reader, an agent returning to the field after an injury, is asked by her boss to stay close to him on this one. However, her feelings for her boss have only grown over her time at the FBI and now it seems that he may reciprocate them after all...

Word Count: 3084

Warning: Violence, Murder, Basic CM Violence

Song I Wrote To: “Drumming Song” by Florence + The Machine

Note: I seriously need to get better at summaries again. This is my first attempt at criminal minds. This one is either going to be two parts of three. Depends on what happens. I love Hotch so much but I also have a Reid imagine in the wings! Stay tuned for part two!

---------

George Eliot once said, “One can begin so many things with a new person - even begin to be a better man.”

It was early when you received the text from Garcia that there was a case. 

It wasn’t the first time the team has been called in early, but it looked like this was going to be a bad one considering the lack of happy emoticons in Garcia’s message. Figuring you were going to heading to the jet shortly, you didn’t bother with the suit. Arriving at Quantico in your jeans, you slumped in the elevator as it rose to the sixth floor. The familiar hum of the mechanism offered you some comfort but didn’t do anything to shake the fatigue that weighed heavily on you. 

Stepping out onto your floor, you headed right for the kitchen, pulling out your travel mug. As you passed the bullpen, you noticed that both Rossi and Hotch were in already, their lamps in the offices illuminating the blinds that kept them sequestered from the rest of you. Entering the kitchen, you breathed in the smell of fresh coffee as it brewed in the pot. You knew it had to be Rossi who had done it. You really did love that man. 

As you waited for the coffee to finish, a yawn escaped you. “Keep doing that and we’ll all start.” You turned to see your boss enter the kitchen with a small smile on his face.

Aaron Hotchner was dressed in his usual suit and tie, holding a mug of his own in his hands. You and the Unit Chief had met while you worked in anti-terrorism and had hit it off immediately. To anyone else, if they were to observe you, they would see two friendly coworkers, but you knew there was something else there, whether he did or not. When Strauss had invited you to join the BAU, Aaron was thrilled, but it only made hiding your attraction to your boss that much harder. Especially in moments like these. 

“That’s what happens when Penelope calls us in before the sun is up,” you said with a small smile of your own.

“Did you have a good weekend, (Y/N)?” Hotch asked, leaning against the counter next to you. 

“It was pretty uneventful,” you said with a shrug. “What about you? Do anything fun with Jack?”

“If by fun you mean Jack having a fever and two very sleepless nights, then yes,” Aaron said and you could see the exhaustion that also weighed on his shoulders. 

“Oh no,” you said, “how’s he doing now?”

“Better,” said Hotch. “His aunt is going to watch him while we’re gone and I’ll check in later.” 

“Must be hard to be away from him when he’s sick,” you said, pouring hot coffee into your mug. 

“It never gets easier, no,” he said softly. “But that’s the job.” You nodded, well aware of how important the job was.

The BAU had become a second home for you and while you would have loved to go see your parents in Maryland or spent a day relaxing on your couch, you couldn’t ignore the feeling you got when Garcia sent out her bat signal, calling you all in. It was what pushed you to return to work after your injury a few cases back. Hotch made sure to ask about that as well.

“How’s your arm?” he asked, his eyes on your forearm that had taken a bullet during a pursuit in Delaware.

“I’m clear for the field, Hotch, don’t worry,” you said with a glance at him, but you knew he would be one to argue. 

“It’s my job to worry,” he said, “I need to make sure my agents are always at the top of their game.” 

“Are you questioning if I am able to perform in the field, Sir?” You asked and you thought you saw his brow twitch as you addressed him formally.

“Not at all, (Y/N),” he assured you, “but I must remain vigilant.”

“Of course,” you said. “I will make sure not to disappoint you, Hotch.” You smiled at him over the lip of your mug. Aaron rolled his eyes at your playful tone and moved to grab the coffee pot. You didn’t step back fast enough and for a moment, the two of you were flush against one another. You could feel his breath on you as well as the smell of his cologne. Glancing up, your eyes met for a fraction of a second before you awkwardly stepped out of his space. “I, uh, I’ll see you in there,” you said as you pushed your way out of the kitchen and back towards the bullpen, not waiting to hear his response.

Shaking your head slightly, you tried to keep your focus on the task at hand. On the way to the round table, you ran into Rossi. “Good morning,” he greeted. 

“Is it even considered morning yet?” You asked with a slight laugh. Rossi was watching you with narrowed eyes. “Stop it,” you said. 

“Stop what?” He asked, innocently. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I hate profilers,” you groaned as you entered the conference room. JJ, Prentiss, Morgan, Garcia, and Reid were already there. You could hear Hotch coming up behind you. 

“You are a profiler,” Rossi reminded you. 

“My point exactly,” you said, taking your seat next to Spencer. 

“What did I miss?” Reid asked. 

“Nothing,” you and Rossi said at the same time. Spencer frowned, but didn’t press the issue as Hotch entered the room, ready to get to work. 

“Morning everyone, I’m sorry to call you in so early,” Hotch said as he went to take his seat before the monitor. 

“Are you though?” Morgan asked, nursing a cup of coffee of his own. Hotch just smirked at him. 

“Garcia?” Hotch asked and Penelope stood up and grabbed the remote. 

“Okay, my sleepy crime fighters, we have a weird one,” Garcia said as she pointed the remote at the screen. “If you will turn to the information on your tablets, you will see that Seattle PD is asking for our assistance on their newest collection of murders. Two women have been found dead in local parks. Mason Walker and Rayna Graves were both murdered within a one week of each other and one more woman, Lisa Bracken is missing.” 

“Cause of death?” JJ asked.

“Medical Examiner says asphyxiation on both of them and then there is this,” Garcia hit another button and pulled up an array of images. 

“Is that…?” You asked.

“Candle wax?” Garcia finished for you. “Yes it is, my lovely friend.” Each of the victims were covered in red candle wax that looked straight off a Maker’s Mark bottle. Their legs, arms, torso, and face were covered in thick red drops of the thick substance. “Both women were found with it covering them like an old altar in a church.”

“Do the locals have a theory?” Rossi asked. 

“Some believe it is to do with a religious ritual, but none have come up in any research done by the detectives.”

“Which makes our job that much harder,” Hotch said. “Wheels up in thirty.” As the rest of the team stood up and got ready to move, Aaron stopped you. “(Y/N), a moment?” You paused, your heart picking up speed at whatever he was about to say. Would he reprimand you for what happened in the kitchen? You didn’t think so, but still those nerves remained. 

“Sir?” You asked, nervously. 

“I want you to stay close to me on this case,” Hotch said. Your brow furrowed, confused. 

“Why?” You asked, afraid you had done something wrong. Aaron picked up on it immediately. 

“You’re not in any kind of trouble,” he assured you. “After your injury, I am expected to have an agent evaluate you in the field on your first case back. I’ve decided to take on the responsibility myself. If that is okay with you, of course.”

“Yes, of course, Sir, that is completely fine with me,” you said, trying to keep your breathing even. Hotch seemed satisfied with your answer. 

“I am not trying to be overbearing and please don’t think you’re being criticized. I just want to get a feel for how you respond in the field.” You nodded, fully aware of procedure. However, it was usually JJ or Morgan that did these evaluations, not the Unit Chief.

“I understand, Hotch,” you said. “Just tell me where you need me.” Hotch nodded and after one more glance, you left the conference room to grab your go-bag as you tried not to think about spending the entire case with Aaron Hotchner.

————

On the jet, you sat next to Derek. 

You and Morgan had been friends since your first day at the BAU. With his flirty attitude and your ability to call him out on it, the two of you had connected fast. Hotch and Rossi sat across from you while JJ, Prentiss, and Reid milled about. 

Once you reached altitude, you began reading the case file again. Flipping through, you focused on the ME’s report as well as the detective statements. Something was bugging you about the way the bodies were found, something was familiar, but you couldn’t put your finger on it.

Unable to focus on it any longer, you closed the file and looked out the window, watching the sun come up. Morgan sighed next to you and you turned to look at him. He was looking at you with a question on his lips. “What?” You asked. 

“Nothing,” he shrugged, “I’m just trying to figure something out.”

“And what would that be?” You asked, already regretting the question. 

“Of all the time I’ve spent with you outside the office, I don’t know much about what you like to do.” 

“That’s what you’re curious about?” You laughed, shaking your head slightly. 

“Come on, (Y/N/N), tell me something. What’s a hobby of yours?” He asked and out of the corner of your eye, you could see Aaron look up from his tablet at Derek’s question. 

“Well, I like to ride motorcycles,” you revealed. Derek’s dark brows shot up. 

“No way,” he said, his grin widening. “Seriously?” 

“Yes, seriously,” you said with a chuckle.

“My girl likes to burn a little rubber, huh?” He asked. 

“Actually,” Spencer interjected, “modern sports-bike tires don't contain any actual rubber at all. They are made entirely from synthetic rubber, which is beneficial due to a balance between durability and traction.” 

“Huh,” you said, impressed. “I did not know that. Thanks, Reid.” He smiled at you and you mirrored the expression.

Across from you, you noticed Hotch was smiling proudly at the interaction. You knew he felt very protective of Spencer. He also didn’t like it when people shot him down when Spencer went on his tangents. You loved when Reid babbled, it always made you smile and next to JJ, you were one of the only people that let him talk as much as he wanted. Aaron always noticed this and it made him appreciate you even more than he did already.

Suddenly, Garcia’s face lit up the monitor. “Bad news, friends,” she said solemnly. “SPD just found Lisa Bracken’s body outside Century Link Field.” 

“Same MO?” You asked, grabbing the file again. 

“Unfortunately,” Garcia confirmed. “Local PD is waiting for you at the crime scene.”

“Thank you, Garcia,” Hotch and she nodded before logging off once again. “Alright, Dave, you and Reid go to the coroner’s office and see what you can make of the first two bodies. JJ, Morgan, and Prentiss, I want you to go to the latest crime scene. (Y/L/N) and I will go to the precinct and set up there.” You nodded as you flipped through the file. 

You expected this. Hotch said he would want you to stick close to him and he was always first to interact with the locals. Glancing up from the file in your hands, you noticed Hotch looking at you again. He quickly looked away once your eyes met his, but his gazing was unmistakable. Rossi caught your eye and he quirked a brow causing you to turn away and watch out the window. You really did hate profilers.

———

Arriving at the downtown precinct, you and Hotch pushed into the warm building and out of the rain.

You both were greeted by a handsome man who bore a detective’s shield on his hip. “FBI?” 

“Yes, Sir,” Hotch said, reaching for his hand. “I’m SSA Hotchner and this is SSA (Y/L/N),” he introduced. “The rest of the team will join us shortly.”

“Detective Perotta,” the other man said as he let go of Hotch’s hand and turned his attention to you. He smiled as you took his hand firmly. “Ma’am,” he said respectfully. You nodded back, taking your hand back. His eyes lingered on you for a moment and you suddenly felt very exposed. Hotch cleared his throat, grabbing the Seattle detective’s attention once again. 

“Do you have a place where we can work?” Hotch asked and Perotta nodded. 

“Yes, we’ve cleaned out the conference room for you,” he said as he headed towards a room near the back of the main room. You followed both men, trying to warm your hands back up after being out in the cold weather. “We got everything your technical analyst asked for,” Perotta said as he pushed open a glass door. Hotch held it open for you as you followed the detective. 

The locals had set up your case boards as well as provided all the current findings on the three known victims. Dropping your raincoat on the back of one of the chairs, you got to work setting up the board just the way your team liked it.

“So, you think it’s really a serial?” Perotta asked, watching as you placed Mason, Rayna, and Lisa’s photos up on the board as well as the initial photos that were taken of their bodies at their respective crime scenes. 

“It seems like it, yes,” Hotch answered. “We should be able to begin building the profile once we figure out how the three victims are related.” Perotta nodded and then Hotch’s attention turned back to you as you stared at the photo of Mason’s body that was found in Volunteer Park. He watched as you spun the gold ring on your right finger, the one thing you always did when you were thinking. “Detective, could you get us a map of the area?” Hotch asked. 

“Of course,” Perotta said, “one minute.” The Detective left, gently closing the door behind him. Hotch moved towards you, watching the way you analyzed the board before you. 

“What are you thinking?” He asked softly. You didn’t look at him, but you could feel his eyes on you as he noted the way you focused on the first crime scene. “(Y/N)?” 

“It’s the candle wax,” you finally said. “There is something so familiar about it. You see the way it’s dripping along her legs and then gets thicker at her ankles?” You asked, pointing to the photo. Hotch nodded. “I’ve seen that before.” 

“Where?” He asked. 

“I can’t remember,” you sighed, “but it was recent, definitely.” Turning to Hotch, you looked at him with frustration in your eyes. “Give me a few moments and I’ll figure it out,” you promised. Hotch gave you an easy smile, well, what you considered to be a smile. 

“You’re not Reid, (Y/N),” Hotch said, “I don’t expect you to be able to recall everything you’ve ever seen.” 

“Fair point,” you said, relaxing slightly. “But I’m still going to figure it out.” 

“I know you will,” Hotch said, looking down at you, his eyes filled with kindness. It made your heart swell. You were going to say something else when his phone rang. Digging it out of his jacket, he pressed the speaker button. “Dave, what do you got?” He asked. 

“Medical Examiner says the women had wax in their throats as well as their lungs,” Rossi said on the other line. You and Hotch exchanged a glance. 

“They were drowned in it?” You asked. 

“Yes,” Reid interjected, “it seems that it was quite hot too when it was forced down their throat. M.E. found notable burning in the esophagus and trachea.” You frowned, glancing between the phone and the photos behind you. 

“Did the M.E. notice any patterns to the other wax drippings?” Hotch asked. You didn’t hear Rossi or Reid’s answer as a light bulb finally went off. 

“It’s almost artistic,” Spencer was saying. 

“No, that is exactly what it is,” you said, interrupting Hotch as he went to say something else. “The bodies are mimicking a painting.” 

“What do you mean?” Rossi asked. 

“I knew this looked familiar. There is this new big Italian exhibition opening this week in Seattle,” you explained, tapping at your tablet, “It’s been all over the news… Here it is,” you said, showing Hotch the image you brought up from the site. It featured the main piece that would be on display. It was a beautiful painting of a woman laid out in a field with a cloaked figure standing over her dripping red wax on her body. “I sent it to your phone, Spencer.” 

“Yeah, I got it,” he said. “I agree with (Y/N). This is exactly what the unsub is emulating in his kills.” 

“So, he believes he’s whatever is above the woman in the painting?” Rossi asked. 

“Maybe,” you said with a shrug. 

“Okay,” Hotch said, “good work guys, get back here once you finish.”

“Will do,” Reid said. 

“Thanks.” Hotch hung up and pocketed his phone. “Well done,” Hotch complimented. 

“I knew it would come to me,” you said, examining the print on your screen. 

“I never knew you were so into art,” Hotch said, looking over your shoulder. 

“One of my many hobbies,” you said with a shrug. 

“Like riding motorcycles?” He asked and you looked up at him. He was looking at you as if he was truly interested in anything you said next. Your heart skipped at the expression on his face.

“Yeah,” you said with a nod. Hotch smirked slightly before moving back to the table, ready to look into the Italian exhibit again. You had to remind yourself to breathe as you went to print out a copy of the painting and pull yourself together before even the detectives knew what you were thinking by looking at your face.

PART II

[addictedtostorytelling]

Hi!

I love reading your takes on csi, its characters and especially gsr.

So, uh, I have some questions about season 14 ep 19 “the fallen”, and I’d love to hear your perspective on it.

I’m sorry in advance for the long questions.

So, um, my first question is that if Grissom or Sara was in Russell’s situation, how would they react and handle it (including the kid Mark, Jacob and the whole situation). Like what’s their initial reaction, how they’d communicate with the team (and Mark), if they use Russell’s way so the team can identify Mark, etc.

My second question (related to the first), if, in another happier universe where Sara and Grissom somehow work on their problem and didn’t divorce, and Grissom happened to visit Sara and the team at the LVPD, and Sara was in this situation, how would he handle it? And in reverse, if during the time Grissom hadn’t quit CSI and they got into something like this, what would Sara’s reaction be? (Would she adamantly stay and help or still decide to go to the hospital, etc).

My third q is that: during this ep, there was a cop , Debra, whose husband was shot. Do you think, while trying to console her, Sara thought about Grissom? And in the final scene, when Sara confronted her about being the mastermind behind all that and why she did it, she yelled “do you really think that there’s anything that i could say to you to make you understand?” Is that a sort-of attack on Sara and Grissom’s marriage (maybe she didn’t know they divorced?) or is it just because of the stress and Debra thought no one would get why she needed to do such thing? I think I saw some pain in Sara’s eyes.

Thanks a lot for your time. And, um, sorry again for long questions (I hope I didn’t make it hard to understand) and any mistakes I made in them.

hi, anon!

thank you for your kind words! i'm glad you enjoy my stuff.

also, no worries! your questions make perfect sense!

i'll just take your questions in order, okay?

i think for the most part that grissom and sara would have similar priorities to russell were they the ones in the hostage situation: i.e., they'd want to tend to jacob's injuries, try to figure out as much as they could about mark, communicate with their colleagues outside of the room if they could, get out alive, etc. in terms of how things would shake out, i'm sure there'd be differences in specifics, just because they are both different people than russell is and have different affects. not only would their own personalities alter the trajectory of their interactions with mark, but so would his responses to them. russell very much comes across as a "nonthreatening dad or grandpa," and while grissom could maybe give off similar vibes to him (albeit he's not necessarily as "hippie chill" as russell is), sara wouldn't. a lot would depend on what kind of rapport developed between them and mark; whether he came to trust them or not in the same way that he did russell. as for if they'd use the same method of id'ing mark as russell did, i think it'd depend on if that opportunity presented itself to them. if they could get a fingerprint off of him, i'm sure they'd use it if they could. if not, they'd maybe try some other approach. what that approach would be, though, i can't really say; it would depend on what resources were available to them in the moment.

if sara were the one taken hostage while she and grissom were still married, i think he'd behave pretty similarly to what we see when adam trent takes her hostage in episode 05x21 "committed": i.e., he'd be worried out of his mind and obsessed with getting her to safety; he'd do everything in his power to get her out of the room. meanwhile, if grissom were the one who was taken hostage while he and sara were still married, there'd be no way sara would still go to the hospital; she'd be at pd, in the "war room" with brass, trying to figure out a way to get grissom out alive. saving him would be her only priority. in both cases, i think that whichever spouse weren't the one in the hostage situation would most likely take on the same role greg does in the canon episode in volunteering to drop the medical supplies, and they'd use their weird married-person esp to communicate with their spouse during the handoff. part of the overall strategy of getting the hostage out might also potentially involve playing to mark's emotions: i.e., alerting him to the fact that the person he had taken into the room had a husband/wife in the building who was worried out of their mind, letting the spouse outside of the room talk to the one who was in the room (and mark) on the phone, etc. particularly once they figured out mark's motive—i.e., getting revenge for his best friend's death—they might try to appeal to him down that channel (e.g., "i know you loved him and that's why you're doing this. please don't take the person i love away from me").

so i'll say up front—and forgive me my "later seasons salt" here—that i don't for one second believe that the writers of this episode were at all consciously aware of how sara's own personal experiences might color her reactions to debra, because, frankly, outside of a handful of “very special sara episodes,” they almost never considered anything having to do with sara's backstory during the later seasons of the show; they were not at all thinking about her feelings for grissom or her family history when they wrote her interactions with debra at the hospital. they just put sara in the role of the csi who deals with debra because she's empathetic and they knew they could get good mileage off of having her empathize with debra only to then later realize that debra was actually the "puppet master" who had orchestrated the attack. any and all emotional cues in those scenes don't come from the script; they come from jorja fox knowing her character backwards and forwards, reading between the lines, and drawing connections that were never on the page. so that said, i do think jorja had sara thinking of grissom at first when she saw debra seemingly agonizing over blake's injuries. certainly, sara knows how she'd feel if grissom had been shot, and particularly once debra starts talking about "marital issues," she understands very keenly what that would be like—to have gone through a rough patch with someone you love only to then have them die. it's something she probably honestly lives in fear of all the time (i.e., what if she someday gets a call that grissom is sick or hurt or dying or dead?). as for debra's comments at the end of the episode, honestly, without knowing what her relationship with sara actually is—are they friends? do they know each other's life histories at all? is she even aware that sara was previously married and is now divorced? if so, does she know anything about the nature of sara's marriage/divorce (including sara’s stubborn loyalty to grissom even after they're no longer together)?—i can't 100% rule out the possibility that she is alluding to sara's marriage/divorce with her “make you understand” comment. however, my sense is that she's not speaking personally to sara there* but rather in their capacities as law enforcement officers—i.e., she knows that nothing she might say could ever justify her role in having the lvpd shot up, particularly to someone else who works in the criminal justice system. no matter what reasons she might try to offer, whether that blake wouldn't grant her a divorce or that he abused her or that she was out for the insurance money, sara will never be able to understand her actions, much less condone them. as for the pain in sara's eyes in response to what debra says, i agree that it's there. however, i don't think it necessarily has to do with grissom. in this case—and, once again, it's 100% jorja fox's acting choices and nothing to do with the script—i think what causes sara to flinch is debra invoking the concept of a woman killing her husband to escape domestic abuse, which, of course, is what sara's mother did to her father back in the day. that hypothetical that debra throws out hits closer to home for sara than debra can possibly know. it's sara's own lived family experience. that's where the pain in sara's eyes comes from.

* admittedly, i don't like to give credit to the later seasons writers where i don't think they deserve any. debra is not a character we ever see prior to the events of episode 14x19 "the fallen," and we never hear of her again afterward, either, so though it's technically possible that she and sara have some kind of personal relationship with each other (i.e., that they are friends enough that they know each other's business), i don't personally see much evidence to support that notion, particularly as all of the conversations they have in the episodes are ones that people who only really know each other passingly as coworkers could have. i kind of doubt that debra is even aware that grissom exists, much less that she would be versed enough in the ins and outs of sara's feelings for grissom that she'd know to make barbed comments about how sara would never be able to understand her desire to be rid of her husband. to me, that implied depth just isn't there.

anyway, those are my takes.

sorry i can't give more in-depth answers to some of the hypotheticals!

thanks for the questions! please feel welcome to send another any time.

[procrastinatorimagines]

Here For You

Fandom: Chicago PD / One Chicago

Series: Here For You

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // Part 7 // Part 8 (Final)

Character/s: Reader x Jay, Reader’s brother Henry, Hailey, Adam, Maggie

Warning/s: pregnancy, death, pretty sloppy writing

Word Count: 2,716

Request:  Would you do a Jay Halstead x Reader imagine were the reader either has a kid or is pregnant with one and they meet when her brother is involved in a case, Please?🥺

Summary: Y/N’s brother Henry becomes an accidental witness in a gang shooting that left four innocents dead along with two members of a rival gang. Jay persuades him to make a statement in an attempt to catch the people responsible, but when word gets out, his life, and that of his pregnant sister’s, are in danger so Jay does everything he can to make it right.

“I screwed up Y/N, I really screwed up...” Your brother, Henry, said frantically, pacing back and forth in your kitchen. He’d arrived a few minutes ago, bolting the door locked behind him, red faced and panting hard. 

“Henry slow down,” you tried to reason, “you’re not making sense, what happened? What ever it is you need to tell me so I can help.” He shook his head and ran his hands over his face and through his hair, deep in thought and mumbling ‘no no no’. You sighed in frustration and put your hand on your belly, feeling your baby moving around. It’d been 3 months since you made the move to Chicago, 4 since your ex walked out on you after finding out you were pregnant. You were 5 months along now, it hadn’t been easy but you were making do, you didn’t know where you’d be without Henry, so to see him like this and not know how to help, after everything he’d done for you, was unbareable.

“Henry please,” you took a step towards him and put your hand on his shoulder. He stopped in his tracks and you looked into his eyes, filled with fear and shame, what had happened? “Talk to me,” your voice was quiet but firm, and he took a deep yet shaky breath to regain his composure. With a swallow and a nod he opened his mouth to tell you when there was a knock at the door, making him and you jump out of your respective skins. Henry’s eyes went wide as he glanced between you and the door, his whole body practically shaking.

There was a louder knock that had you scared now too as you put a protective hand on your belly, unsure of whether it was better to answer the door or not. “Chicago PD, open up!” A voice said inbetween knocks and you only slightly relaxed, you weren’t in any immediate danger but Henry was clearly in real trouble.

“Don’t open it,” he whispered, heading for the bedroom at the back. 

You grabbed him by his sleeve to stop him and glared, “it’s the police, I’m not having them kicking our door in, let’s just open it and figure this out.”

“Y/N-” Henry tried but you were already on your way.

“Henry Y/L/N, this is the police, this is your last chance to open the door!” They yelled from outside.

You hurried your steps, panicking. “Coming!” You yelled, quickly unlocking all the bolts on the door and swinging it open to reveal two plain clothed officers.

“Evening ma’am, I’m Detective Halstead, this is Detective Upton, is Henry Y/L/N here?” The male detective asked, badge and gun clearly visible in the waistband of his jeans. You turned to see your brother stood a little away from the hall, face pale.

“Yeah, he’s here.” You said with a defeated sigh; whatever he’d done, lying to the police wasn’t going to help him.

“May we come inside? We need to ask him some questions, he isn’t in any trouble.” The female detective, Upton, asked with a friendly smile. You hesitated but nodded at last, moving aside so they could enter.

“What exactly is this about?” You inquired as all four of you ended up in the living room, Henry not meeting anyone’s eye.

“Sorry, you are?” Upton replied, looking you up and down.

“His sister,” you said, “now what do you want with my brother? Is everything okay?”

“Your brother didn’t tell you?” Halstead asked, looking between the two of you.

“No, otherwise I wouldn’t have asked,” you snapped and Halstead blinked. “Oh, er, sorry, it’s been a very long day, I haven’t had much sleep,” you apologised. The baby had kept you up most of the night, and this stress with your brother was so not what you needed right now.

“No worries,” he said to you before turning to your brother, who had taken a seat and looked was currently looking physically ill. “You want to tell her or should we?”

“They’re going to kill me aren’t they?” Henry mumbled and your head shot around to stare at him.

“Okay what the hell does that mean?” You all but yelled at him, “Henry I swear to God-”

“There was a gang shooting, your brother witnessed the entire thing, we were going to question him at the scene but he’d left by the time we got back to him. I guess he forgot that he gave us his details first,” Upton explained, much to your alarm.

“What does that mean? Does he have to give a statement? Make an ID or something?” You rattled off questions, your mind swimming. Halstead opened his mouth to answer but Henry cut him off.

“Oh hell no, this is Chicago, I know how this works, if I do that I’m as good as dead,” Henry argued, mindlessly picking at the cuffs of his sleeves.

“We know it’s risky, but no one has to know it was you alright, Henry four innocent bystanders were killed in that shooting, including two kids, so if you know something...” Upton trailed off as Henry’s face changed.

“Two kids?” He asked softly, like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Neither could you, had your brother really seen all this?

“We’re sorry to put you in this position, and we’ll do everything we can to keep you safe, but man if you saw something, which I think you did, you might just be the only person who can put the guys who did this behind bars where they belong.” Halstead looked at you and then back at your brother, as if silently asking you for your help.

“Henry-” you didn’t even have to finish, the tears in his eyes told you that he was on board, he was just scared out of his mind.

“Say I did see who did the shooting, what would happen then?” He stood up a little unsteadily and wiped his face.

“Well we’d take you down to the district, see if you could make an ID, and then find you a safe place to stay until all this was resolved, you may be called on to testify if it gets that far but how about we take this one step at a time.” Upton gave Henry a reassuring smile and he nodded, resolve, if not a little hesitation, in his eyes.

“Okay, okay yeah,” he mumbled.

“You sure?” You took his hand and gave it a squeeze.

“I’m sure Y/N. I got a nephew on the way now, I gotta make the city a little safer for him if I can right?” He laughed a little and squeezed your hand back.

“It’s a boy?” Halstead asked with a smiled.

“Henry certainly thinks so, but honestly I’m waiting til the birth, I want it to be a surprise,” you replied, feeling a little kick like it knew it was being talked about. 

“You can come down too if you want, be there with him?” Upton suggested, seeing the concern for your brother all over your face. You nodded and all four of you headed to the door and down to the 21st. 

Despite your concern for your brother, his commitment to this was admirable. You loved your brother, but when the going got touch he usually got going. Since you’d arrived in Chicago however, pregnant and alone, he’d really stepped up, got a job at a new restaurant downtown and had been doing some serious apartment hunting so that the baby could have a proper nursery when it came. He might have been your older brother but you had always been more of the big sister; you couldn’t be more proud of who he’d become.

-

You’d been at the district a few hours, your brother off talking with several different officers, detective and a scary looking sergeant called Voight. Sitting by your self in a waiting room looking area you flipped through some old magazines they had available and messed with your phone, bored and anxious to know what was happening with your brother.

Detective Halstead came in to check on you, offering you a water and some food.

“How’s Henry?” You asked, gratefully accepting the drink.

“He’s doing good, it’s looking like we’re going to catch these guys,” he told you, taking a seat on the other side of the table you were sat at. “How about you?”

“Oh I’m fine, just a little nervous for Henry-” A sharp kick in your stomach made you visibly wince as you stopped your sentence in your tracks.

“Kicker huh?” Halstead grinned.

“You have no idea, people always ask me if I’m having a boy or girl, but really the only thing I know if that I’m having a soccer player, or a kick boxer,” you both laughed. “You got kids detective?”

“Call me Jay,” he suggested, opening up one of the packets of crisps he’d brought in.

“Okay, you got kids Jay?” You asked as he popped some crisps into his mouth, turning the packet around to let you have some, you took a couple as he shook his head.

“No I don’t, maybe someday, but...” he shrugged. “Henry mentioned you only moved to Chicago recently, how are you liking the windy city?”

“It’s not bad, pizza’s okay,” you told him, “but honestly there’s so much I haven’t gotten the chance to see yet.”

“The pizza’s only okay?” He feigned being offended, “now that just tells me you haven’t had the best kinds, Bartoli’s, I highly recommend it.”

“Oh yeah,” you grinned, “I’ll keep that in mind.” 

A knock at the door drew you from your conversation, Henry was there with another officer, Ruzek he’d told you. 

“I think we’ve got everything we need,” Ruzek said, patting your brother on the shoulder, “you did I good thing today my friend.”

“No one’s going to know it was me, right?” He asked, turning to Jay as he did.

“We’ll do everything we can to keep you safe,” he promised, glancing at you as he did too. You stood up and grabbed your things, shaking Ruzek’s hand and thanking him quickly as he headed back out the room.

“Bye detective, promise I’ll give the pizza another go,” you said.

“I’m going to hold you to that,” he laughed, shaking your hand and walking you both out the door. You were down the bottom of the steps and into the cool Chicago air when you glanced back at Jay, was it your imagination, or was he looking at you too?

-

“Look, I told you, it’s just a quick ID down at the district, they won’t even know who did the IDing,” Henry explained as you both got into the car. “I’ll drop you off at Med for your appointment on the way, you good getting the bus home while I do some apartment hunting? I have a viewing lined up pretty near the police station actually.”

You nodded, “Jay call you?”

“If by Jay you mean the not at all good looking detective Halstead, then yes,” Henry teased and you shoved him a little as he tried to buckle his seat belt.

“He told me to call him Jay,” you argued unconvincingly.

“I’m sure he did,” he said, pulling off down the street, “hey, I’m just surprised a woman in your... condition has time for any game that’s all.”

“Oi, I’m pregnant not blind, it’s not like I made a move on the guy... but I’m allowed to look you know,” you both laughed as you headed into the city, the conversation moving on to apartment hunting and the new nursery, detective Halstead still a little on your mind.

It wasn’t long before you were being dropped off, waving to Henry as he drove away. 

-

The next few weeks continued in a pretty similar manner, the Intelligence Unit was building a pretty substantial case against this gang, it turned out, and your brother regularly went to talk to various cops and lawyers. He assured me everything was okay, and so did Jay when you saw him, which was actually fairly frequently when you went to pick up your brother after one of their meetings. Often you went early with Henry and chatted with Jay or another member of the unit, and life went on. You and Jay had actually started to text a bit, not that you’d ever tell Henry, in a friendly way obviously, he was helping you settle into Chicago life, recommending places to visit and eat... you had no delusions a guy like that would fall from some pregnant chick, but it was nice to have a friend to talk to.

You hadn’t really talked much since the trial, they’d managed to flip some guy Henry had said, so he’d been able to avoid testifying in open court. Your conversations with Jay seemed to come to an end soon after that and while you were a little disappointed, you were too busy moving into your new apartment to mind too much, glad that this case was in the rearview and you could focus on your baby.

You were pushing 7 months when you went for your next check up at Med, the thought of already coming up to your third trimester was a daunting one, but you couldn’t wait to finally meet your baby. As you finished up with your doctor you headed out into the hall, too busy rooting around for your phone in your bag to stop yourself before you collided into a figure appearing around the corner in front of you. With a crash your bag went flying, spilling out the contents onto the floor.

“Sorry,” you looked from your belongings on the floor to the owner of the familiar voice, detective Halstead. “Oh, hi Y/N,” he offered an apologetic smile as he bent to pick your stuff up.

“Jay, hi, sorry I didn’t see you there” you said, “I really would pick that up myself but then someone would have to pick me up,” he laughed and handed you back your bag as he rose.

“No worries, getting pretty far along now huh, how’ve you been, how’s Henry?” He asked.

“Henry’s good, we’re good, two months to go now,” you told him as you both began walking to the exit, “just glad to go back to some kind of normal with the trial being over, how about you? What brings you to Med on a Saturday?”

“Visiting my brother about a patient, he’s a doctor here,” Jay explained, waving by to a red haired doctor across the room you assumed was the brother in question. Although you kicked yourself for it you couldn’t help but notice that the Halstead’s seemed to have good genes. “Oh hey sorry for not talking to you for a while by the way, I figured with the trial over you’d be too busy with the baby and Henry and I didn’t want to bother you,” he said.

“Oh yeah, no I get it, I guess we both got pretty busy,” you replied.

“Hey, did you ever try the pizza at Bartoli’s?” He asked and you shook your head.

“Never got around to it actually,” you said and he grinned.

“You hungry? It’s not too far from here, I could buy you lunch, least I can do after all the help you and your brother were,” he offered. Was... was he asking you out? You, the heavily pregnant chick? Not that you were complaining, you’d liked Jay a little since you met him, you were just surprised he might have felt the same way.

“You know what? Sure, I am pretty hungry, just let me confirm my next visit at the desk and we can head out,” you answered and he looked relieved. You headed over to the desk with a smile on your face, Henry was never going to let you hear the end of this.

A nurse approached Jay as you headed away, you think she told you her name was Maggie earlier. As you stood at the desk you noticed her roll her eyes at Jay and shake her head. “First Will and Natalie now you and this girl? What is it about Halstead’s and pregnant women?”

[puckluck28]

A Merry Upstead Christmas!

This one is for my lovely Chicago PD Secret Santa recipient @upsteadhc for the prompt: “any prompt from an angst or fluff list” so I figured what’s better than an Upstead pregnancy oneshot. A little bit of angst, a little bit of fluff, I hope you enjoy it! Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday Season!

*The prompts I’ve used are highlighted in bold. 

For Better or For Worse, Even When Pregnant

Hailey glanced at their front from her spot on the couch in their dimly lit living room before checking the time on her phone for what felt like the hundredth time. At reading the numbers that read 1:28 AM plastered over her background that was a photo of her and Jay from their gender reveal party a few months ago, she sighed and took another sip from her now semi-cold tea. Fighting the urge to close her eyes with each passing moment, she’d been hoping for a voice mail, a quick text, something, anything that would give her enough relief so she could at least attempt to sleep, but there was nothing, and the wait was driving her crazy. Since their last call, there was an uncomfortable feeling eating at her insides, something in the pit of her stomach that had been growing for a few days, and she knew it wasn’t just her nerves growing from being only a week away from her due date. She’d gotten this same feeling a few times in the past few years, and she prayed to God that this time wasn’t like those other times. 

Where the hell are you, Jay?

The unit had caught a big case a week ago: a dead pregnant girl that led the team to an international human and child trafficking ring smuggling young girls from all around the world into the States, forcing them to get pregnant, and selling the babies to God knows what kind of people. It was an understatement to say it was a rough case, even for Intelligence’s standards, and from the limited information Hailey knew about it from her lunch dates with Jay at the precinct, and the occasional calls and visits from Kim and Vanessa so Hailey wouldn’t actually lose her mind staying at home, it wasn’t going to be a walk in the park to solve. 

On a regular night, Hailey wouldn’t worry about Jay staying late to go over evidence or to work on paperwork, especially while they were working a new case, but this time felt different. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but there was something about the way Jay had been especially quiet at home the past few days, those days that he had actually made it home before Hailey went to bed. It was almost as if he had been trying to avoid her, and successfully so. Then there were his texts: one word answers after taking forever to respond, that was if he responded. It wasn’t like she was expecting immediate responses or constant texting either. She knew that whenever a big case, especially something this big hit, it was all hands on deck with no room for distraction, but she at least expected a response, any response, when she asked if he’d be coming home for dinner, or if he was okay.

Now, having been partners with Jay for seven years, dated for two of those and married for one, Hailey could tell when a case, or someone, was irking him. So when he had started acting a little off the first time, she had given it to the combination of the caseload and having to work with a new partner now that she was officially on maternity leave, and done with desk duty, as per Voight and Platt’s orders. Jay’d been looking to find something to complain about his new partner from the day Voight had brought in Detective Aiden Thomas, a freshly minted detective from narcotics, as Hailey’s temporary replacement. Whether it was the way the young detective tabbed evidence files or the way he sipped his coffee during stakeouts, Jay found an excuse to text her, whining about being stuck with the new kid. So when the texts got more staggered and eventually stopped, Hailey had started getting suspicious and when she hit absolute radio silence the entire day that day, with no luck during the night either, Hailey knew it was time to call in back-up.

Around 10:00pm or so, Will had been the first person on her call list, not wanting to alert anyone on the team just yet if the older Halstead could reassure her enough to get that sleep she oh so craved. It also helped that she knew that Will was on call that night, him having shared his work schedule with Hailey since she was so close to her due date and who knew where Jay would be if she went into labor. Unlike his younger brother, Will had picked up Hailey’s call in two short rings. “Hailey? What’s up? Are you okay? Is it the baby?” He had asked in doctor mode. 

“Yea, we’re good. I was calling to see if you heard anything from Jay today?”

“Jay? He was here this morning to talk to an injured suspect but that’s about it.”

“Did you realize anything off with him?”

“Not that I could tell. He and his new partner were in and out. I didn’t even see them leaving.” Hailey sighed in defeat at her brother-in-law’s response. She had really hoped he would say something that would ease her growing nerves. “Hey, is everything okay?”

“Yea, yea things are fine.” Hailey took a deep breath. “I just haven’t heard from him the whole day and he hasn’t come home yet and…” Her voice trailed off as her words died.

“I can-”

“No, that’s alright.” She cut him off, turning down his offer. “I don’t want him to worry if they are working.”

“You sure?”

“Yea, knowing Jay, he’ll think I’m in labor or something and freak out.” She attempted at a joke to hide her worry. 

“You know, it would teach him not to ignore his pregnant wife.” That even earned a soft chuckle from Hailey.

“Thanks, Will. It’s not even that late, I’m sure it’s just me being paranoid.” She tried brushing it off. “You know how much I love staying home all day.”

“Don’t I know it?” Will went along even though he knew that for Hailey to be calling him, she must have a good reason to worry. “You and Jay are the worst people at enjoying doing nothing.”

“Yea, I’m ready to go back to work once your niece finally graces us with her presence.” She told him, her hands instinctively rubbing her 38, almost 39, week along belly at the thought of finally getting to meet her baby.

“I’d be careful wishing on that this close to your due date, Hailey. It might happen any day now.” He jokingly warned her, hoping he was providing some comfort with this distraction.

“I think it’s safe to say when it happens, you’ll be one of the first ones to know. I guess the first one to know if it happens during this call.” Hailey responded, though the only thing she could think of as silence fell was what she’d do if she were to go into labor now and Jay was nowhere to be found.

“Regardless, you know I’m here if you need me.” Will broke the silence.

“Thanks, Will. I’ll let you get back to work.”

“Alright, but seriously, call me if you need anything. I’ll be up all night.”

“I will. Thanks, again. Good luck with your shift.”

“Any time. Now stop worrying about that knucklehead and try to get some sleep.” Will jokingly ordered and with a mumble of agreement, Hailey hung up. Sleep… She really hoped she’d be able to get a little bit of it that night.

She’d given him about an hour after calling Will, called and texted a few times, but when those had gone unanswered once again, she’d moved to the next person on her list and called Kim, really hoping that they were really just working late and she wasn’t waking her up. “Hey, Hails, everything okay?” Like Will, Kim picked up the call in a few rings. It was almost as if everyone who knew Hailey was on call to answer her calls except for her husband. 

“Hey, sorry I’m calling so late. Am I interrupting anything?”

“No, no, actually Kev just came back from a coffee run so I was taking a break.” Kim answered, followed by a yawn. 

“Case wearing you down?”

“It’s a bad one. We found two of our suspects, who of course didn’t go down without a fight. One of them took a bullet to the knee so we are waiting for Med to release him into our custody when he’s done and the other’s downstairs.” Another yawn. “But looks like it’s gonna be a rough night. Well, I guess morning.”

“Everyone okay?” Hailey asked after hearing that their suspect had put up a fight. If he had gotten shot, it meant that he had started the shooting, and her heart started racing thinking all the worst case scenarios. Surely she would have been notified if something serious had happened to Jay, but with the way he had been so distant lately, maybe that had been it: he had gotten injured and was avoiding her calls. 

“Everyone’s good, came out without a scratch.” Hailey released the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “Hey, is everything okay with you?” Kim asked upon hearing Hailey’s loud exhale of breath. “Oh my god are you in labor?”

“No, everything’s good here. No baby just yet.” She answered quickly, getting that out of the way. “I was calling to see if Jay’s around. I’ve tried calling him a few times but his phone kept going to voicemail, but I guess you guys are busy so I’ll let you go.”

“Ummm, Hails, Jay left a while ago.”

“Oh?” Kim’s answer took Hailey by surprise, an unpleasant one. She lost her train of thoughts and stuttered as she tried finding the words to ask her next question. “Did he- umm, did he say where he was going?”

“No, sorry. We all figured he was gonna go home and get some sleep. It’s been a rough day for him.”

“What happened? Is he okay?” It felt weird to not know that Jay’d had a rough day. It felt weird being the one to ask what was happening with him. 

“One of the suspects we caught turned out to be ex-military. Someone Jay knew back in the day.” Kim told her. “I think Jay was hoping the lead would turn out to be bogus since his name came up a few days ago but…” The rest was obvious. Finding out an old buddy involved in such a disgusting case must have taken a toll on him, and understandably so. What Hailey couldn’t figure out was why he hadn’t talked to her about it, and the question hurt her more than she thought it would. “Jay must have gone on a drive or something. I’m sure he’s on his way home though.” 

“Yea, yea, you’re right. I’ve probably just been losing my mind from having to stay home.” She tried laughing it off again, just like she had done it with Will, but this new found

“Oh, tell me about it! A few days is enough to drive you insane.” Kim commented, as bittersweet it was, remembering having to stay back during her short lived pregnancy so many years ago. 

“Oh yea.” Hailey tried acting her usual chipper self but the fake smile plastered on her face failed to reach her voice. “Anyway, I should let you enjoy your break.”

“You sure everything’s okay?”

“Yea, yea, everything’s fine. I’m getting pretty tired anyway and you guys are busy.” She added a fake yawn to her sentence which made Kim yawn as well. “Thanks for the conversation.”

“You want one of us to drop by? I know Kevin’s about to head home for a quick nap and-”

“No, that’s fine.” Hailey cut her friend off before she could finish the sentence. “It’s pretty late.”

“Alright, well Adam, V and I are gonna be staying here tonight if you need anything. Just give us a call, alright?”

“Thanks, Kim. I really appreciate it. Enjoy your break and good luck!”

“Good night, Hails.” The line went dead, leaving Hailey to her thoughts, wondering where her husband was, worst case scenarios running through her head. The last time he had gone awol, he’d gotten kidnapped, shot and almost died. She couldn’t go through that again. Not now. Not when they were about to have it all. With tears in her eyes, Hailey swore he would never forgive Jay if he left them alone.

About another hour or so later, the clock almost hitting three in the morning, Hailey was just about ready to give up, go to bed. She was exhausted, achy, and really, all she wanted was to know that Jay was safe. They could deal with this, whatever it was, in the morning. Hell she didn't even care if it meant that he’d continue avoiding her, and she’d have to wobble to the precinct in her pajamas. That being said, she knew sleep was her enemy tonight and the moment she would decide to go to bed, the oh so tempting sleep that had been trying to pull her into dreamland would disappear the moment her head’d hit the pillow. Not that sleep was really an option with their daughter kicking up a storm in her belly either.

“It’s okay, munchkin.” Hailey rubbed the spot she kept feeling the kicks. “It’s all gonna be okay.” Realizing she had no tea left, she threw her blankets off and stood up to stretch. If she was going to stay up, she needed to keep herself otherwise occupied. “Let’s get mommy some tea and you some of those cookies you crave so much.”

Hailey was about to head to the kitchen to get herself another cup of tea and get a snack when the sound of the door opening startled her. Her head instinctively turned towards the source of the noise, and watched frozen as Jay’s silent silhouette moved in the foyer. She held her breath as her eyes followed his every move: The way he snuck into his own house, the way he took his jacket and shoes off as quietly as possible, thinking Hailey was already asleep, the way he tiptoed further into the dark house.  Watching his arm reach for living room light switch, Hailey prepared herself to face their current situation, and when the lights turned on, bringing the couple face to face, a loud silence surrounded them. “Hails? Why are you awake? Everything okay? Is it the baby?” Jay listed his questions, alarmed. 

“Yea, yea we are fine but I guess I should be the one asking you that.” Hailey shot back, needing him to know that what happened today was NOT okay. “What’s going on, Jay?”

“Nothing, nothing. I’m fine.” He gave her his staple bullshit of an answer as he walked further in and towards her in the living room. “Just a long day at work.”

“Well, I know for a fact you’re not “fine”, so wanna try again?” Hailey crossed her arms over her chest, her words stopping him on his tracks to walk over to greet her.

“I-” He started but seemed to be at a loss of words. 

“Jay, I’m worried about you.” She cut him off at the realization that he needed a push before he’d really open up. “You haven’t picked up your phone or answered any of my texts and I had to find out from Kim that you had a rough day. What’s going on?”

“Hails, I’m just really tired and just want to go to sleep.” He was hiding behind an excuse, but at least it was an honest one, and Hailey considered that a good start.

“Alright, if that’s what you want, we can go to bed. I’m glad you’re safely home.” She told him with a flat yet soft tone. She didn’t want to discourage him from opening up, but his actions had terrified and hurt her, and she couldn’t just pretend that it was all fine now that he was home. “But we are gonna talk about this, Jay.” She added, letting him know he wasn’t off the hook. “What happened today, the radio silence… The last time that happened, I almost lost you and the thought of losing you, especially while I can’t even be out there,” The memory of what Angela Nelson put them through hitting her straight in the pregnancy hormones and feelings, she could feel tears welling in her eyes, but she wouldn’t cry. She refused to. “It, it terrified me,” She looked down her body in an attempt to avoid his eyes and blink away the tears as she protectively put both her hands on her bulging belly. “It terrified us.” She sighed. “We, we have to talk about it.”

“I can’t do anything right, can I?” Jay muttered more to himself than Hailey, disappointed in himself. He knew he was in the wrong. He knew he shouldn’t have pushed Hailey away, but this case, these past few days, then what happened in the morning… It had brought up so many painful memories, so much rage, so much fear that he simply hadn’t known where to start. “You must hate me for what I put you through today, huh?”

“I don’t hate you, Jay. I will never hate you.” Hailey’s voice softened. “But I hate that after all this, you’re still trying to lie to me.”

“Hails…”

“Yes, Jay?”

“This case has been terrifying.” He started to confess. “When we found that pregnant girl, the way her body was left behind, all I could think of was you and what I would do if I found you like that.” He was finally opening up. “Then we found out that one of the suspects is an old army buddy of mine and when we interviewed him today…” He shook his head, the memory of the interrogation room replaying in his mind and he collapsed on the couch in defeat. “He looked me in the eyes and said “You’d make pretty babies. Should consider changing careers.” with the smuggest smile, and Hailey, the things I wanted to do to him for bringing our kid into it… And then all my anger turned into this fear of failing you and Aislyn and, God, Hailey, it paralyzed me. I couldn’t think of anything else.”

“Jay,” She got it. She really did, but the silence and distance had hurt. “Holding everything in doesn’t help you know.” She told him as she walked over to take a seat next to him and put a supportive hand on his back. “Why didn’t you tell me what was happening?”

“I know I should have.” He looked at her with tear sheathed eyes, his greens tired and broken. “I mean I know I could have come to you. I trust you more than I ever trust myself, but I didn’t want to worry you especially with how close you are to your due date. It felt like by burdening you with my worries, I’d be failing you two before we even became parents.”

“I understand, Jay, but not knowing what was going on with you and having to call our friends and family only to find out from Kim that you’ve been having a rough time with this case worried me so much. I felt like an outsider and not your wife and best friend.” She took a deep breath, giving Jay some time to process her words. “Your worries and fears and rage will never be a burden on me, Jay. We said for better or for worse when we said I do. Being pregnant doesn’t change that.”

“God, I love you and I’m so damn sorry.” Jay pulled Hailey into his body and apologized with a broken voice upon realizing how much he had hurt her. The last thing he wanted to do had been to hurt her, but he realized trying to not be a burden was more hurtful to their partnership than anything. “I promise I’ll do better.”

“I know you will.” Hailey snuggled into his embrace before turning in his arms to be able to look him in the eyes again. “I love you, Jay.” She cupped his cheek in her one hand, and grabbed and guided his hand to rest over her belly with her other. “We love you. Unconditionally. Just remember that the next time you feel overwhelmed and I’m not there.” Feeling their daughter’s kicks under their palms, Jay leaned down to press a kiss on her lips; a kiss meant to seal his promise, to show his love, to give them both hope that they were stronger for facing their challenges. 

Their last few days had really taken a toll on both of them, but with everything out in the open now, and promises of love and hope had been made, they knew they could tackle anything as long as they trusted in each other, even when they didn’t trust themselves. 

So when they finally got into bed, tightly holding one another close, their daughter’s soft movements between them, they finally got the relieved rest they had been needing that day.

- @puckluck28

[doctorreids]

folklore - spencer reid x reader

CHAPTER NINE - this is me trying 

previous chapter | next chapter 

word count: 2k

“i’ve been having a hard time adjusting. i had the shiniest wheels, now they’re rusting.”

SPENCER

He knew that the first case back would be difficult, to say the least. However, he hadn’t accounted for it being this hard.

He felt as though his brain is completely scrambled - so many theories flying around his head are blocked by the memory of the nights prior and he doesn’t know what to do.

He sat at the roundtable listening to Garcia rant off the details of the case - four young women murdered, all within one month of each other in Baltimore, and each worked in high-paid, male-dominated fields.  He knew that it was likely to be a male who was envious of their achievements, a husband scorned by his wife being paid more than him, or a man who believed women did not belong in the workplace. He didn’t say anything, kept his eyes on his file. He was too afraid that if he spoke the tears would fall again.

He was too afraid to look up and see her.

They usually sat beside each other on the plane but this time she tucked herself in beside Emily, he noticed how tense her shoulders were, how she never held anyone’s gaze, how she hadn’t looked at him at all. He knew that it was his fault but he refused to let himself dwell on that guilt. Instead, he turned the wheels in his brain towards the case. He forced out any memory of the prior nights and replaced them with the pictures and words in the case file in front of him.

By the time they'd landed he followed Rossi into the SUV and ignored the concerned looks of the man he came to know as a kind-of father figure as they walked into the local PD. Geographic profiling was the only thing he cared about, everything else faded away.

As he stared at the map before him, nothing seemed to fit. Each crime scene in a different area, no clear comfort zone for the UNSUB, and no clear answer for him. He was frustrated. He felt like he was rusted, like the gears in his brain that ran smoothly were jammed, unmoving, and broken.

He felt utterly useless and helpless.

His mistakes with the geographic profile were proof of that. He had hardly listened to anything that was going on with the case, trying instead to figure it out himself. But when he found himself standing in front of them all, he noticed his mistakes.

The first words she had spoken to him in days were pointing out his mistakes. The irony of the situation made him want to cry. So, he did what she did all those days ago. He left, letting the door swing past him, he ignored the soft call from JJ, and the confused looks from Emily. As soon as he felt the cool air of the small bathroom, he let the tears he had been keeping in fall for the first time.

“and maybe I don’t quite know what to say, but I’m here in your doorway. i just wanted you to know that this is me trying.”

“Spencer.”

It was Derek.

“Kid, I know you’re in there. I-“ his voice broke, “I just want to help you.”

He slid the lock out of the bathroom door and wiped his face before he opened it. He was met with the most concerned look on Derek’s face, mixed with confusion and sadness.

“What happened, kid?”

“We… we broke up.”

“Oh.” There wasn’t much he could say.

“I messed up, I know I did. I just don’t know how to fix it.”

There was a beat of stillness between them, Derek let out a soft sigh.

“Look at me kid.”

He looks up from his scuffed converse.

“I don’t know what happened between you both, I cannot tell you how to fix each individual problem. What I can tell you is that you love each other.”

“So I should let her go, is that what you’re saying?”

“God no, kid,” he recoiled at his absurd assumption, “I’m trying to tell you that you both love each other, you think she hung the stars in the sky. Sometimes people just get lost and need time away from each other to find each other again.”

He continued, “Love is a tricky thing. It’s full of compromises and disagreements, but you have to be able to push through that. I know how much you fear losing her, but so does she. Fight for her.”

“I-i… I don’t know how to. She’s the only person I know inside and out and I can’t figure out how to get her to stay.”

Derek pauses, unsure about his next few words.

“Are you sure you’re not the one running away, Spencer?”

Now it was his turn to be stunned by the absurdity of the question.

“Derek,” his voice was stern, “just tell me how to fix this”

Derek’s eyes soften once again at his desperation.

“There’s nothing that cannot be fixed if you just tell her how you feel, kid” With that, he turned and left him in the bathroom, alone.

His eyes found his own reflection, he examined the deep circles under his eyes, lined with red leading to his tear-stained cheeks. Splashing cold water on his face, he adjusted his tie and jacket. With one deep breath, he walked back out into the precinct.

No one was in the conference room, Hotch had left a note to say there was another victim. Then he noticed it.

The coffee cup sat beside his files, a small smiley face on it. It was from her. For the first time in days, he smiled.

Y/N

“they told me all my cases were mental, so I got wasted like all my potential and my words shoot to kill when I’m mad, i have a lot of regrets about that.”

She was rarely angry, her temper was typically calm and collected. She’d been scorned and hurt enough in the past, by friends and ex-partners, that if you hold onto anger it will only increase the pain you inflict on yourself.

The first case back with Spencer, she decided, was the exception to the rule she made herself.

She came into work as early as she could with the knowledge that Hotch would be in his office, grinding away at the endless mountains of paperwork that lay on each of their desks. She was brief when she told him that her relationship with Spencer ceased to exist. They were finished.

Hotch didn’t even try to hide his disbelief. If she was honest with herself, she could not believe she was uttering out loud that they were over.

The weekend, however, had given her time. Time to think about what had happened. She was conflicted; she wanted to hear him out but she also thought she would be able to predict what he would say. She couldn’t. She had no idea why he could not deal with her anymore, with their relationship. She wracked her brain to try and figure what was plaguing him.

She came up empty each time.

Despite her earnest wishes to fix things, he didn’t look at anyone. He didn’t even speak. He just sat there completely mute. That pissed her off.

She told herself she didn’t know why but, in reality, she did. She wanted him to say anything, didn’t even need to be an apology, all she wanted to hear was him rant off some facts about women in the workplace or the percentage of women who earn more than their husbands. But he didn’t.

It angered her that he just bottled up - that he wouldn’t even just carry on, do his damn job. But this was Spencer and she thought she knew him. The first case back, she thought, proved to her that she didn’t know him at all.

So she was snippy. Snide remarks here and there, pointing out that he had missed some locations on the geographic profile, getting coffee for everyone but him.

She regrets her sharp tongue at times but in some twisted way, her sharp words gave her power over him she didn’t have a few nights prior. The power to hurt him as much as he hurt her. She let the worst get ahead of her, she failed to notice the dejected looks on his face when she passed him by without a word. She tried her best to not profile him, to not profile the cracks in his voice when he spoke or the way the bags around his eyes were darker than usual.

“So, this is the UNSUBs comfort zone, so far we have four victims killed a month apart so there is no sign of escalation other than the violence of the crime.”

The map was wrong. He had messed each victim up and, like before, it pissed her off.

“Your profile is wrong.”

Those were the first words she spoke directly to him. The whole room went silent, waiting for whatever it was bubbling under the surface to erupt. She regretted them as soon as she said them.

“Pardon?” His voice was small, so quiet you wouldn’t have heard it at first.

“Victim four was found where you’ve placed victim two, therefore making your profile wrong. The locations are significant for the UNSUB, they form a pattern.” She pauses. “If you actually engaged with any of us you would know that.”

She knew it was cruel but she was angry. She was hurt. She had loaded her gun and fired.

Hotch’s stern voice cut through the silence.

“Y/L/N. A word.”

She knew she’d fucked up. She just didn’t know how to fix it.

“it’s hard to be anywhere these days when all i want is you. you’re a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town.…i just wanted you to know that this is me trying.”

After that case, Hotch had lectured her about how unprofessional she was. She didn’t need to be told though, she already knew. It had been a few cases since and even though working alongside Spencer had gotten easier, to some degree, being apart from him had gotten even harder.

Going home to an empty apartment to simply play out their shared memories in her mind was like a slow death, thousands of cuts and scars covering her. She could hardly concentrate on anything on the TV without wondering whether Spencer would enjoy it, or catching some old movie they’d watched together.

If she knew one thing about herself is that she found it easier to make people hate her rather than accept their love, it was easier to push people away than to make them understand. So, she twisted in every knife in her back before they were even there in the first place.

She was disappointed in herself. She wasn’t a quitter - she should’ve fought for him but she knew she didn’t have the answers she kept searching for. She still couldn’t quite explain why everything had fallen apart.

The cycle of questions and no answers made her angry. It made her even angrier that he didn’t seem to fight for her either - he’d shown no signs of wanting to talk, even just small talk on the weather. She couldn’t begin to describe how much she missed listening to him talk about anything, especially his ramblings and, for lack of a better term, his knowledge dumps.

She just wanted to feel like herself again, there were too many nights that she got lost in him for her to know herself. Now that she was alone, she was trapped, strapped into a seat of a movie theatre, forced to watch their relationship build, grow, and crumble over and over again.

She questioned why she made him and left him the coffee that day. She tried to tell herself it was her way of saying that she was sorry for being so cruel. If she was being honest, she wanted him to know she was trying. Trying her best to fix what she had broken.

Each day she stepped into the office, he was there and she felt like running. That urge dwindled as the days passed, but it’s a reminder to herself that she’s trying.

Trying to be a better person for herself. For him. For everyone else.

As Hotch told her, “you can only fix this when you have fixed yourself. Until then, you try.”

...

taglist: @itsfangirlmendes​ @toosassy2handle​@toosassy2handle​ @supernatural-strangerthings-1980​ @rexorangecouny​ @myheartbelongsintz @toizerdecker @baddestbau​ @haylaansmi​ @hess016 @blameitonthenight21​

[krreader]

the best of both worlds.

pairing: kim namjoon x reader fandom: bts warnings: mentions of surgery ; mentions of appendicitis  genre: fluff  word count: 950+

summary: it was hard being the leader and having responsibilities when a situation like this arose. but somehow namjoon always managed to balance out work and personal life so perfectly that he could take care of both, which was crucial now.

a/n: three things. one, thank you for the request bb, I appreciate it. two, yes, the title is indeed the hannah montana song you’re thinking about, it popped into my head and I liked it lol. three, the gif has probably nothing to do with the story, but namjoon looks like a god so we’re just going to accept that, please and thank you. now enjoy the story ♥

It had started with a mild stomachache in the morning when you woke up.

A look on the calendar app on your phone made you say: “It's fine, it's probably because I'm getting my period soon.”

But Namjoon wasn't convinced. Despite him already being dressed and ready to leave for work, he still checked your temperature and then sat back down on the bed, “You're a little hot. I think you might be getting sick.”

“I don't have work anyways. I'll just stay in bed and rest. You go to work, I’m fine.”

“I don't feel comfortable leaving you on your own like this,” he already wanted to pull out his phone to text the members and tell them to go on without him, but you quickly shook your head.

“Namjoon, I'm fine, really. Go to your meetings, I know today is an important day with scheduling the upcoming months.”

“I can go a little later, an hour won’t make a difference.”

You let out a sigh and cocked your head to the side, smiling at him knowingly, “Namjoon. Go. I’m fine, really.”

He would have stayed if he didn’t have that meeting with Bang. That meeting that he had to attend because he was the leader while the others didn’t.

And he used that to his advantage when he left.

On his way to the BigHit building, he started telling Hoseok about your condition.

“I'll have to stay longer than you.. would you.. would you mind checking in on her after practice?” he was hesitant in asking, not wanting to burden the older member with it, but Hoseok smiled.

“Of course. I'll go home right after dance practice and make sure she's okay.”

It made him feel a little more at ease.

At least for a little while.

Because after only an hour he realized that something was wrong. You weren't answering his texts or any of his calls. At first, he thought you might have simply fallen asleep so he let it pass, but after four hours of absolutely nothing, no replies no answering his phone calls, he knew that something was off.

“Hey, are you guys going home?” Namjoon ran up to Jeongguk and Jimin when they were about to leave.

“Just to eat something,” Jeongguk said.

“You forgot something at home, hyung?” Jimin furrowed his eyebrows.

“Can you do me a favor? (Y/N) isn't feeling very well, but Bang still has some things he wants to go over with me so I can't go to her yet. Would you mind checking in on her and see if she needs anything? I asked Hoseok hyung, but he won't be done with dance practice for another hour or two and I'm really worried. I just need someone to make sure she’s okay while I’m held up here.”

Good thing was that with you and Namjoon having been dating for almost two years now, that all the boys were really close to you too. They hear you're not feeling good, they'd instantly be down to help. Even more so because they knew Namjoon wanted to do nothing more but to go back home and take care of you, but because he was the best leader on this planet that a band could ask for and because he wanted them to get the best schedule possible that every member would be happy and satisfied with, he stayed to work that out.

He stayed for their sake, even though his mind was somewhere else completely.

“Sure, hyung,” Jimin smiled, “We'll call you once we're there.”

Namjoon tried his hardest to focus on Bang and his words. He got across the points that the members and him had discussed at their private meeting a few days ago and was basically giving Bang a presentation on why he thought they should change a few tour dates around, when his phone started to vibrate. 

Again and again and again..

“You want to take that, Namjoon?”

“Thank you, sir,” Namjoon bowed, then grabbed the phone, his eyes skipping over the messages. The more he read, the more worried he got. That must have shown on his face.

“Everything okay?”

“It’s.. (Y/N). Something’s wrong.”

“Like what?”

“She’s been feeling bad since this morning and didn’t respond to my messages all day long. Jimin and Jeongguk went home to check up on her and just now said she's running a really bad fever and that she's been throwing up a lot. Plus her stomach hurts really bad.”

Bang PD seemed to think on it for a moment, then he said, “Might be an appendicitis. If that's the case you should tell Jeongguk to take the car and drive her to the hospital ASAP, appendicitis needs to be dealt with instantly. You go too.. we can continue this tomorrow. I need to think on what you said anyways.”

“Really?” but before he even got the confirmation on whether or not that was truly okay, Namjoon was already up and bowing, thanking Bang for understanding the situation, before making his way to the hospital.

On his way there, he got frequent updates from Jimin and Jeongguk who, after arriving at the hospital, told him that it was indeed appendicitis and that it was good they had come in so quickly. The doctors wanted to perform surgery as soon as possible, but Namjoon managed to make it just before they took you into the operating room.

“Hey,” you said with a tired smile, “You shouldn't have come..”

“What, and let you go into surgery without an I love you?”

“We could have told her that,” Jimin muttered with a pout, but Jeongguk nudged his side and pulled him out of the room to give you two a moment alone.

“Did you manage to get everything sorted? Is the tour schedule like you all wanted it to be?”

Namjoon chuckled a little, his eyes so full of love as he looked into yours, “Even during all this you still want me to put my career first..”

“I'm okay, Namjoon, I told you this morning. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I know, you're strong. But Bang told me I could take this day off and come back in tomorrow so we can discuss the rest of the schedule. So when you wake up, I'll be there and will take care of you for the rest of the day and I'll make sure that when I'm not here tomorrow during the meeting, someone else will be to keep you company. I think the two outside would be willing from the looks of it,” Namjoon chuckled.

It was insane, really.

How he managed to be the best leader, yet the best boyfriend at the same time. How he always managed to balance out work and private life so well and prioritize what needed to be prioritized.

This man right here was the love of your life, the one you were most proud of.

“Okay,” you finally said with a smile, thinking that it was a good deal.

“Miss (Y/L/N)? I'm taking you with me if that's okay?” the nurse came into your room with a small smile.

Namjoon kissed your forehead and smiled, “I'll be right here when you wake up.”

And so you went into surgery with a smile on your face and despite waking up with a fever afterwards, you still managed to smile again when he was the first person that you saw.

“Hello beautiful.”

He kept his promise.

He always did.

[shadowedoracle]

Fractured Lullabies - Chapter 1

Summary: Season 7 Woven Beauty AU. The Gold family has been separated by Drizella's dark curse. Now Detective Weaver, a widowed father to baby triplets, hires single mother Clarabelle French as his children's nanny.

Rating: E (For eventual smut)

A/N: So @moonlight91 left a comment on my Fluffapalooza fic last year about Rumbelle ending up with triplets. That sparked a vague idea that somehow morphed and finally grew into this whole Season 7 Woven Beauty AU.

Many thanks to the lovely @jackabelle73 for beta reading this.

If you spot any typos/ errors do let me know. Any other comments are always appreciated.

[AO3]

***

Weaver stared down at the pale yellow business card he’d been holding for over half an hour, wishing he had already gotten the energy together to call the number on it. But he couldn’t even seem to remember how to enter a phone number into a cell phone -- let alone remember how to hold a phone conversation. He ran his thumb along the navy lettering in a fancy old fashioned font on the business card reading: “Clarabelle French: Nanny”.

He felt moisture prick his eyes as he recognized it as the font Lacey used to use on her business cards. He groaned and tossed the card down onto the countertop, pacing the apartment’s small kitchenette trying to keep it together. He was not about to fall apart over a font, for fuck’s sake.

He knew he had been procrastinating, that he should have called the number immediately after Roni had handed him the business card. He knew too that this was not just a case of delaying the inevitable, but rather by waiting, he was sabotaging his chances of success and digging himself into a deeper hole. But despite that knowledge he hadn’t been able to persuade himself to make the call. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Roni’s judgment -- he did (her taste in partners aside). Indeed, she could read people better than many cops he could name. No, it wasn’t her recommendation that had him hesitating, had had him stuck in this loop for days now. No, he just didn’t want to have to accept that his wife was gone. Or that now his children only had him, a royal fuckup of a man without Lacey. He wanted to be able to stay here and look after them himself, but he’d used up all his leave and couldn’t afford to quit his job. Therefore he needed a nanny. But he didn’t want to need one, didn’t want to have a stranger in his home seeing what a terrible job he was doing of raising his children by himself. All week he’d been using variations of that fear and the accompanying paralysis to avoid calling. On the first day he’d been annoyed at himself, but had told himself it had been a long busy day and that if he rung first thing the next morning it’d all work out fine. Except he hadn’t called the next day either. He’d given himself a stern talking to that night and had resolved to call the following day. But again he’d failed to call. While it was true yesterday had been busy and exhausting, and that he hadn’t had a single quiet moment to himself until nearly midnight, that still didn’t excuse his delay. The situation was getting more urgent by the day, and it wasn’t as if he couldn’t have taken a few seconds to type out a quick text message. But he just hadn’t been able to bring himself to do it -- because to do that would be to admit he needed this woman’s help. He knew that thought was ridiculous. He and Lacey had been talking about hiring a nanny for a while. They just hadn’t gotten around to making a final decision about whether to go down that path before she died. But now, instead of being able to talk all this through with her --  to discuss what they both wanted, to interview the candidates and agree on who to hire, together -- he had to navigate this all. Alone. What did he know about nannies? Even after reading countless articles online, he still felt like the answer was “fuck all”. He still had no idea what he needed, beyond someone reliable and trustworthy to look after his children while he worked. But how the hell could he be sure he’d make the right choice? He trusted his judgment when it came to suspects and witnesses -- he was excellent at spotting bullshit and dealing with scumbags. But unless this woman was totally unsuitable, how could he be certain she was not just alright, but that mystical “right fit” that he’d read so much about online? He wished he could have the reassurance of Lacey’s opinions to make sure he made the right decision. No, he couldn’t to do this -- not by himself.

He paced the kitchen restlessly without seeing where he was going and stubbed his toe against a cabinet and swore. Maybe he should just not call this woman, or not today anyway. He’d just continue using the daycare centre, that’d be simpler at least. But even as he thought it, he knew that was only a temporary measure, at best. The triplets hadn’t been doing well in daycare even before Lacey’s death. Plus even with the daycare discount the Seattle PD gave him, a nanny would probably work out cheaper in the long term. So he ought to just knuckle down and get started.

Yes, it’d so be easy for him to put off this decision for another day, until he was “ready” (a word that suddenly seemed to be used around him all the time since Lacey had died). But this wasn’t about him, he reminded himself, limping back to sit on a stool at the kitchen island once more. It wasn’t about what was easiest for him; it was about what was best for his children. He was their father and just because this phone call seemed hard wasn’t a good enough reason for him not to do it.

Sure, they’d probably be all right in the daycare for a little while longer, it wouldn’t do them untold damage or anything. But eventually the same issues would come up again and he’d decide they needed a nanny. But then he’d have to try to hire one and do all the calls and interviews -- and whatever the hell else you had to do when hiring a nanny -- while juggling a full caseload and dealing with whatever was ailing the triplets that week. Anyway even if he didn’t hire a nanny, he’d need to find a babysitter for after daycare because his schedule was too variable. Even with the flexibility the force was offering him now, he couldn’t guarantee a case wouldn’t require him to work unsociable hours. Lacey’s schedule had been much more predictable and so she’d done the bulk of the picking the children up, as well putting them to bed when he was back late. He’d need someone who’d be able to do that on nights when his cases ran into the evening anyway. So he might as well hire someone who could be there all day and offer more consistency for the triplets. Plus it’d be a relief not to have to get all three of them ready for daycare and into the car each morning. . But even reminding himself why hiring a nanny was a good idea, didn’t help him pick up the phone because it didn’t change the truth: he didn’t want his wife to be dead and to have to make this big decision without her input. It wasn’t that he didn’t know some of what her thoughts would have been on the matter. She’d mentioned some things when she proposed the idea a few weeks -- or was it months? -- back. But they’d never discussed concrete specifics. Sure, some would say he was lucky to be free to make this decision independently: he wouldn’t have to compromise with her over something she valued more than he did or vice versa.  But he wanted to do just that, to discuss the details and argue over different candidates’ strengths and weaknesses. There was no way he could do this right without her. He was just an old cop who apparently still knew next to nothing about childcare, and even less about nannies. He trusted Lacey’s judgment and knew that, even though she didn’t know much about nannies either, together they’d have been able to work it all out and make the correct decision. Although... perhaps it wouldn’t matter anyway. Perhaps this whole call would be a dead end. It wasn’t likely that this woman would be free and able to take on his children at such short notice. So he was likely working himself up over nothing. Yesterday, the idea that this was likely a lost cause had made it easy for him not to pick up the phone. It had been so easy to convince himself that there was no point wasting either of their time -- even just inquiring -- given how improbable it was that she’d be available. But it had taken even more whiskey than usual for him fall asleep last night, and this morning he’d had to admit to himself that his cowardice yesterday was partially responsible. He couldn’t let that happen again. He didn’t want to be an alcoholic fuckup of a father. He knew what it was like to have one of those and he would never put his children through that. He took some deep calming breaths, and tried to focus on the fact that needing help with his children didn’t make him a failure as a father. Instead hiring a good nanny for them was actually him fulfilling his duty to do his best for them. He picked up his phone and found his favourite picture on it: Lacey, fresh out of the hospital, sitting in their bed cradling the triplets on her lap.  He stared down at the image of her smiling tiredly up at him and felt tears prick his eyes once more. The fact that Lacey, so full of life (even at her most exhausted), was gone was still unbearable. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to the hole in his heart, or the feeling that he was missing a limb without her. A nanny was no substitute for a mother and, at the thought of everything his children and Lacey would miss out on, he felt a now familiar stabbing pain in his chest. She had believed and trusted in his ability to be a good father though, and he didn’t want to prove her wrong. He focused on the image of his children’s tiny scrunched up faces. They needed him to do this for them, Lacey needed him to do this for them. He couldn’t let any of them down.

Keeping those last thoughts in the front of his mind, he tapped open the phone call app. If she said ‘no’ that would be that. What did he have to lose? Maybe she’d even have some ideas who else he could try. He swiftly typed in her number and hit call before he could reconsider.

“Hello, Clara speaking.” A bright Australian voice answered.

Weaver swallowed hard, his practiced opening script slipping from his mind at the sound of a voice so like Lacey’s and sat in silence for a few moments, not even remembering to breathe.

“Hello?” The Australian voice said again.

For a moment an absurd hope that his wife wasn’t dead, but instead just had amnesia and had forgotten her family, bloomed in his mind and took root in his heart. He was just about to say her name, when the voice spoke again.

“Hello? Is anyone there?” It sounded so much like her and yet, the memory of Lacey on that cold slab in the morgue flashed before his eyes and pierced the bubble of his fantasy. His wife was dead, hoping otherwise didn’t change that. But if he didn’t reply now, he’d lose this nanny merely because she had the same accent as Lacey.

He shook his head and cleared his throat. “Yes, sorry. Hi...” He cleared his throat again, “Is this Clarabelle French, the nanny, speaking?” he managed, this time sounding a bit more like his usual self.

“Yes, speaking. Are you a parent looking to hire a nanny?”

With those extra words, he began to hear the differences between the voices. The nanny’s accent was almost identical to Lacey’s, that was true -- but it wasn’t Lacey’s voice. It was off somehow. The cadence was wrong, for a start, and there was some other dissonance that he couldn’t quite place. The train of thought sobered him, bringing him down from his fantasy. He remembered how to speak, how to call upon that air of confidence he used when dealing with suspects and witnesses. “Yes, I was given your business card by a mutual friend... Roni. I need to hire a nanny for my young kids quite urgently, and she mentioned you might be available.”

“How urgently are we talking?” She replied, crisp and businesslike.

“Ideally next week, Monday, if possible. But I understand if that’s too short notice for you.”

“I see...” She paused, thinking, “Well, I am available in theory, but it seems quite a short timescale to get through the whole hiring process.” He felt a thread of hope, perhaps this wasn’t a dead end after all and sat up straighter (even though she couldn’t see him). “I know it’s probably unusual. But I need to be back at work then and I don’t have anyone else to look after my children while I’m there.”

“Ah, so it sounds like you are looking for a live-out nanny, if you only want me there when you’re working. Is that correct? I’d need to give you the names of some colleagues if you’re looking for a live-in nanny, I’m afraid. And is your job full or part-time, may I ask?”

“Yeah, it’s a live-out position. It’d be full-time too but my own hours can be somewhat variable. Is that a problem?”

“No. Well... at least not in theory,” she said. “Also is this just a temporary arrangement you’re looking for, or a longer-term one? Because I only work longer term contracts.” “Well, ideally, it’d be a long-term arrangement, but that’d obviously depend on your availability as well as how well the children adjust to the new arrangements.” “That’s reasonable. Luckily for you, the client I had lined up recently moved away from the Seattle area so I could take on a longer-term contract right away -- assuming you decide I’m the right fit for your family. We can then assess how it’s going after 30 days, which is the standard trial period.” He nodded, remembering a second later she couldn’t see him and calling himself an idiot, said, “Yeah, that sounds fine.” “And can I ask what ages the children are?” “Right, of course. They’re triplets actually, 10 months old next week. Is that something you think you can handle?” She laughed. “Wow, baby triplets! Definitely must keep you on your toes.” “Yeah.” He smiled. “And triplets aren’t a problem for me -- I’ve worked with multiples before.” He could feel relief beginning to churn through him. This might just work out. “So would you be able to meet me later today to discuss the role in-person?” “I can’t do later today, at such short notice, I’m afraid.” She did sound genuinely apologetic. “But I could do any time tomorrow morning or early afternoon?” He nodded. “Sure, say tomorrow at noon?”

“That sounds perfect.” He could hear the vague sounds of her making a note of the time.

He tapped his fingers against the countertop, what was he supposed to say next? Right, meeting time and place.

“How about we meet at Roni’s? It’ll be quiet at midday. Then if we think things’ll work out, take it from there?”

He supposed it was probably an odd look to interview a potential nanny at a bar. But he didn’t have a sitter he could call on, and at that time of day the bar would be quiet enough he could probably persuade Roni to watch the children for a while, if necessary. “That sounds great!” She said brightly, not giving any indication she thought a bar was a strange place for an interview. Was that a good sign of her professionalism or a bad one? “But I, er, didn’t catch your name?” “Right!” He forced a laugh, even as he called himself a fucking idiot for forgetting to introduce himself. “I’m Detective Weaver…” He paused as he tried to think of what he’d read online about hiring a nanny. Was he forgetting anything major? He didn’t think so. “And now you have my number, in case you need to contact me about anything.” “Great! I’ll see you noon tomorrow at Roni’s. I look forward to meeting you,” she said.

They finished off the conversation and he hung up, dropping his phone onto the counter with a thud. He gripped the counter edge tightly as he tried to steady his breathing. After he’d gotten over the initial shock of her accent, that hadn’t been so bad. She might actually be available, so this might all work out despite how long he’d put off calling.

He looked around the kitchen to the sink full of dirty dishes, he ought to do those now he supposed. But just then a cry came from down the hall, so he pushed away from the counter and hurried to the nursery.

Brandon, the youngest of the three and furthest from the door, seemed to be working his way up to a big screaming cry. His face was red and crumpled and if Weaver didn’t quieten him quickly, the other two would wake up too. He picked up his youngest son, rocking him and crooning softly, “There, there now. Daddy’s here. What seems to be the trouble, lad?

But Brandon’s cries just continued and grew even louder and Weaver’s hopes of this being quick were dashed when heard a grumbling cry from Melissa, the oldest. It was going to be another one of those afternoons, he already could tell.

[mercdoesfanfic]

The Last of the American Girls (Chapter 1)

Hello! I’m not sure if I’m gonna keep posting fics on tumblr, but I figured I’d give it a try. I guess let me know if you like this fic and I’ll be more likely to keep going. Anyways, it’s going to be kind of a songfic using The Last of the American Girls by Green Day. The first chapter is set up and beyond that, they’ll be memories. WARNINGS: angst, vague references to doing the nasty.

xxx

“Well, she’s the last of the American Girls.”

xxx

In the grand scheme of things, there wasn’t much that Daryl Dixon needed to survive. While some of his companions in the apocalypse yearned for a warm bath or a movie to watch, Daryl was used to living rough and tumble. He knew how to hunt, how to turn animal meat into an edible meal, and how to fend for himself. After all, the world had only just decided it didn’t want the rest of humanity there, but it had despised him since the day he was born.

However, he had to admit he was thrilled when he found out that the Greene’s farmhouse had electricity. It gave him one last opportunity to use the last item he had held onto from the past, to experience the only thing that had mattered to him before the world went to hell.

It took some uncomfortable explaining to one of Hershel’s daughters- the older one who had taken a shine to Glenn- to get him in the door and into the guest room. She left him for a moment with a curious expression, quickly returning with the only item he had asked for.

Daryl took the iPod charger and thanked her quietly, refusing to make eye contact. It didn’t take long for the woman to take her leave.

The younger Dixon could almost hear his older brother’s mocking, despite their estrangement. It didn’t matter where in the world Merle Dixon was, he always got himself the last word when it came to his brother’s choices. And, as Daryl could imagine, he would be getting mocked endlessly for what he was about to do. However, with little else to do as the small black device charged, all he could do was listen to the disappointed guffaws of his elder brother.

“Christ Almighty, Darylina. Not even the end of the fucking world could force you to grow a pair. Sittin’ around in some saintly man’s house, waiting on a useless brick of metal. And for what? All over some bitch that’s dead and gone.”

Daryl almost winced at the imagined scrutiny, his brother’s words cutting worse than when he had thought the things himself. This was remarkably stupid, even by his standards. There was nothing left for him in this. Everything on the little device covered in various, cartoon stickers charging in front of him was based purely on memory, on emotion. Even on a good day, Daryl found the routine, the desire to look through the iPod ridiculous. And he couldn’t help but assume that there weren’t going to be many good days left.

The world seemed to halt when the screen came to life, the usual playlist displayed in dark mode taking over for the first time in months.

His mind, as it always did, clouded at the sight of his name at the top of the track list. Dixon. He could almost hear her voice, the lilt that snuck into her tone every time she greeted him from behind the bar. He thought he had moved past this, that the end of the world had washed away what had come before. That he would be done with the emotional strain that the world had placed on his shoulders from a young age. The good, the bad, and the ugly, all rinsed away for the simple chaos that the walkers left in their wake. But now, sat in front of this stupid fucking box like a teenager looking at a love note, he knew that would never be the case.

xxx

She had been on her tiptoes, cursing as she stretched over the counter to wipe down a spilled drink when he had entered the dimly lit dive bar. It was a chilly evening in Atlanta, but the woman still wore a simple black tank top and grey jean shorts that hardly came halfway down her thighs. Her long, dark brown hair was pulled up in a high ponytail, clearly for practicality as opposed to preference, keeping it off of her face and neck as she worked. This, however, only served to draw attention to the work of art that adorned her body, a tattoo consisting of barbed wire wrapped around her neck that slithered down over the rest of her body, ending somewhere below her ankles. She didn’t seem too imposing, but her presence seemed to demand respect from those around her. In shitholes like this, men could hardly keep their drunken mouths shut around women, saying filthy things and copping feels. But the place was in order. People kept themselves in check and a single glare from her created a silence far more imposing than anything Daryl had ever seen.

He had come in looking for an alibi, an excuse to keep himself out of Merle’s illicit activities for the evening and a dose of plausible deniability should the Atlanta PD come knocking. Instead, he had found something else. Usually, he couldn’t give two fucks about what someone thought about him. But her? He wanted her to notice him…

xxx

Doors opening and closing on the floor below him brought him back to the present, the memory’s clarity fading almost as quickly as it came. The first time he had been able to see her in his mind’s eye in a long time. It had been a year since he had seen her, since he had left the city with his brother like the idiot he was. She had offered him a place in the world, a life of his own, and he had turned it down for Merle fucking Dixon. There wasn’t a day that he wondered if the choice was worth it… But since Merle had fled that rooftop in Atlanta, he knew that he had thrown in with the wrong person.

Everyone he cared for always left him. But not her. She had asked him to stay.

And he had left her in return.

Fucking. Moron.

A parting gift, in the form of her treasured iPod containing a playlist for him, was all he had left of her. He had no doubt in his mind that she was long gone, either fleeing from the dead or part of the dead herself. After all, happy endings and good fortune were never in the cards for any of the Dixons, least of all Daryl.

With unsteady hands, Daryl plugged in the pair of earbuds she had sent along, pushing one into his ear in order to keep himself sharp enough to respond to any possible threats. It was second nature, it always had been. As he stared at the unmoving screen before him, he asked himself whether he deserved this. The memory of Gloria alone overwhelmed him with a sense of bliss, one he wasn’t sure he deserved. It all came back in short bursts. The good, the bad, and the ugly of one of the best people he’d met in his entire life.

xxx

“Oh, eat shit, Dixon!” she cried, laughing through her words as she curled up in the passenger seat of his pick-up truck. “I was NOT that drunk!”

“Ya tripped over the curb, then curled up on the sidewalk screamin’ ‘bout how ya were sure to die any minute. I had t’ carry ya home and put a frozen bag of blueberries on ya elbow.”

“I was just… very concerned about gettin’ a bruise.” she defended adamantly.

“You didn’t even hit that elbow, Glory.”

“Like I said, eat shit!” Her smile was practically contagious.

xxx

“You’re such a fuckin’ prick, Dixon!” she screamed, stalking up the stairs of the empty bar towards her apartment above. “I can’t fuckin’ believe it!”

“Glory, I’ve got no goddamn clue what you are talkin’ about!”

“So I’m just not good enough for a little fuckin’ honesty, that it?!” she demanded, stopping short at the door and turning to face him. Daryl could see the tears hidden behind the rage, but knew that they wouldn’t fall, not in front of him. “Am I jus’ not worth the fuckin’ time?! If you don’ wanna take this anywhere, that’s fuckin’ fine! But don’ lead me on like I’m some idiot.”

“I-... I don’t wanna…-”

“But you are, asshole! I have been jerked around enough damn times to know what it looks like. And to think I thought you gave a fuck.”

“I do! I jus’ ain’t ever done this before!!”

She quieted down almost immediately, her demeanor eerily timid in comparison to her typical fire.

“You-You’ve never… never what? Like… any of it…?”

“No! I haven’t!” Daryl was still pissed, but he couldn’t quite tell if it was at her or himself.

“Oh fuck…. I am… Jesus, I’m so sorry, I’m such a bitch.” she murmured, burying her face in her hands. “Christ, I’m sorry.” she turned around to unlock her door, fumbling with the keys as Daryl fumed. As she opened the door with a creak of rusty hinges, she turned to face him. “You deserve a better first, Dixon. Don’t waste it on me, okay?” the words were filled with kindness, with a sort of compassion he rarely saw from her.

As the door shut, he understood one fact more clearly than he had ever understood about the retreating woman. He was stupidly in love with her.

xxx

Her scars were so different from his. While his were big, ragged gashes, hers were small, smooth indentations in otherwise perfect skin. But, like his, they were everywhere.

He discovered each and every one, his calloused hands tracing ever so lightly over her skin. She leaned up to do the same with her lips, letting them ghost over his neck as he held back a satisfied groan at her efforts. It didn’t take long for him to reach his destination, his nimble fingers pulling melodies from her lips that he was so sure proved the existence of a god. Only the divine could create something so heavenly.

Once she had her fill, he took what he so desperately needed, murmuring praises the entire way. Her nails dug into his arms as she clung to him, begging for more, to be closer to him. To say that having this unwavering force of a woman beneath him crying out in ecstasy was anything short of magical would have been a goddamn crime.

For the first time in his entire life, Daryl Dixon found peace in baring himself to another person, falling soundly asleep with Gloria tangled in a gentle embrace.

xxx

Daryl Dixon refocused his gaze on the screen in front of him and pressed play.

[darkdisrepair]

Hailey Upton: Character Study Post-crossover

After watching the FBI/Chicago PD crossover this morning, I have some interesting thoughts about the character of Hailey Upton, who I am very much in favor of as a character, so if you don’t like her, you might not want to read.

Check it out!

Timing is Everything: Hailey & External Factors

Personally, Hailey’s (and to an extent, Tracy’s) “polarizing” label that isn’t really deserved but people do it anyway. The problem isn’t the character, or the actress, the problem is just that she’s gotten kind of crappy timing in many ways. When she arrived on chicago pd, she came on the heels of Sophia Bush’s exit, a character that a lot of people loved and shipped furiously with Jay. I started watching for Hailey not gonna lie so I’m not super attached to Erin or Sophia. I got the impression that some people (not everyone) didn’t like her because Hailey is very unapologetic, and looks very similar to Erin. She was very clearly the person meant to replace Erin, so people started assuming things about her character that were kind off-base, and the crossover (in my mind) proves that a little bit.

From what I saw on Twitter, the FBI fandom seemed very enthusiastic about Hailey’s character, even though the situation is pretty similar to the Erin/Hailey dynamic. Tracy stepped in for another established, liked character (Maggie) while the actress who plays her is on maternity leave. The difference, which explains the lower levels of toxicity, is that there is an assurance there that Hailey will not be staying, and that she is not a replacement, just a guest. 

Even though she did clash with OA, people were willing to stay for her side of the story. Now, the people on Twitter might just be the vocal fans of the FBI show, but I think that shows that a lot of the tension with Hailey’s character comes from a) her strong personality and b) the fact that she came in at a very tense time in the Chicago PD fanbase.

Back to the Beginning, by Going on Another Show

I don’t know if I’m the only one who noticed this, but Hailey was on fire in this episode, honestly more so than I’ve seen in many of the episodes on Chicago PD. Don’t get me wrong, I love her in every episode she’s in, but you could tell that the writers really took the time to do her character justice.

She was fierce and sassy and determined and everything I remember her being in her very first episode. This crossover was basically a reset for her, which is what I think Voight wanted, and maybe even the writers too. I’d noticed in CPD episodes prior that she started to lose some of the qualities she started out with. It’s hard to name what they were, but she was becoming too much of a mini-Voight.

Personally, even though she definitely didn’t completely play by the FBI’s usual playbook here, she wasn’t Voight-like here. Yes, she threatened to break someone’s arm, and yes, her interrogation tactics were definitely not ones that I think the FBI show usually talks about, but she did everything by the book, just with her own twist. And I think that’s why Voight was drawn to her in the first place, when he brought her onto the team. 

At the beginning of her character arc on Chicago PD, she was very by-the-book, but not in the conventional sense. She knew how to get things done the right way, and stopped at nothing to do so. She knew where the lines were and toed them when she needed to but never let cases compromise her morals, and rarely let emotions cloud her judgement. 

This hadn’t happened on Chicago PD for a while. Coming to the FBI and being reminded that there are lines and other ways to get cases done really brought her character to where it should have always been, which in turn made her an even more dynamic character to watch.

Also, side note, but the FBI show is so aesthetically pleasing, which helped Hailey come alive even more :) Major credits to Monica Raymund for that!

Hailey and Voight: Two Sides of the Same Coin?

I’ve never been one to compare Hailey to Voight, and to me, this episode showed how different they are. 

She adjusted extremely quickly to the FBI. At first, everyone was hyper-aware that she was not a federal agent, including OA. They doubted her abilities and second-guessed some of her choices.That changed quickly once Hailey saw some action and made some key points in their investigation. OA started to listen to her and take note of what she was doing, trusting her to watch his back, and the rest of the team did, too, even letting her interrogate a suspect.

She inspires people to do better, to learn more. OA realizes that maybe cops aren’t inferior to federal agents. Jubal and Castille recognize her interrogation skills and her strategical skills, too. 

This episode, if anything, highlighted the differences between Hailey and Voight.

She wins people over because she knows how to beat the system without breaking it, and uses her deep knowledge and passion to find ways to help people without hurting them (for the most part). People trust her not because they know she can bend the rules, but because she knows when to be vulnerable. See, for example, how she relates to victims of abuse. Voight earns people’s respect because he protects the people he cares about, without restrictions. He connects with criminals through threats and violence, for the most part. 

Hailey may have been come to New York because Voight thought she was becoming too much like him, but this episode just showed how different they are. She is more open, more cooperating, and has stronger morals than I think Voight ever will.

It’s hard for me to explain, but to me, they’ve always been very different, and to me, showing up in New York and bringing such warm energy to the unit shows the difference between how Hailey influences people and versus how Voight does.

What the Future Holds for Hailey on Chicago PD

What will happen when she returns to her team?

I think she’ll be more aware of the impact that cases have on her. She got the wake-up call her character desperately needed, and now I think her conviction in herself will be stronger than ever. I think she knows that she can’t keep going down the path she was starting to walk in Season 7. 

She might not go back to how intense she was about the rules in Season 5, but I do think she now knows where the lines are and how to get things done without breaking them. 

I’m predicting that something will come up that will force her to come to terms with what she’s done with Darius and Gael, in one way or another. She hasn’t shown guilt about those things yet, but I think what she did to both of them really does bother her. She doesn’t want to feel it, but getting Darius killed and fabricating evidence was overstepping, and she knows that even if it was done in the name of loyalty, it was still against everything she stands for. 

What direction is her character arc going in?

To me, the writers seem to be leaning toward a massive Hailey-centric episode. The hints about her history with her father keep getting dropped (even on CBS, which was surprising!) and I think the fact that these cases keep coming up is affecting her, even though she doesn’t know it yet. 

I was really disappointed when “Intimate Violence” focused on how Jay dealt with seeing abuse, rather than what Hailey thought. I thought for sure she had a better background to interact with Michelle instead of Jay. I also thought the roles would have been reversed, that Hailey would have wanted to rush in and stop the violence while Jay wouldn’t comprehend the emotional weight of the situation.

As a result, I’m hoping that we cover that history and maybe meet some of Hailey’s family. I think that’s part of her past she needs to explore before really coming to terms with who she’s become.

Finally: where is her relationship with Jay going?

It seems like the coronavirus pandemic ruined a lot of Hailey’s upcoming storylines on FBI and Chicago PD. I got the impression that there was going to be some kind of milestone for her and Jay, whether a confession or an injury, that sparked the possible beginnings of a romantic relationship. 

I don’t think Upstead will just happen, even though the more we go on the more the show seems to be leaning toward them getting together. I know for sure I don’t want them to hook up right off the bat- I think their relationship is deeper than that.

I do think that Hailey and Jay both need to figure themselves out before they get together. Jay still carries a lot of guilt with the Angela situation and Hailey, as shown throughout the season, seems to be struggling emotionally with her sense of loyalty to her friends and her own inner demons.

If neither of them are in the right headspace, Upstead does have a lot of potential to crash and burn. They need to both be at a stable place in their lives to even think about considering dating. If the show tries to start something before either characters are ready, their relationship and partnership won’t last, so this upcoming season will be crucial. 

Part of me doesn’t want them to be a thing, because if it doesn’t work, one of the most central relationships on the show will have been destroyed. Their trust is what makes their bond so beautiful to watch, and I’d rather preserve that than have them date.

Overall, thanks for reading, and sorry this got so long! Share your thoughts. Who is Hailey, really?

[lesbian-vmin]

Hellooo I really love your analysis about Vmin I hope you Can Answer me about this one. I'm just worried of all the happenings about Vmin, I mean There is just something off whenever they are together in the camera. I know They are close Behind the cam But Can't be they show some moments in Camera too, they are just making it more suspicious. Two I want you too make an analysis about bighit; I felt like Bighit is the reason why the Vmin are Avoiding eachother in the public or maybe not .

I would love to answer this ask properly, but I’m not entirely sure which moments you are talking about exactly. Possibly Run episodes because they have Behind Cams? I’ll answer this part rather simply because one part of your ask that I want to focus on is the part about about Big Hit (my post earlier (x) about the Big Hit and the Christmas song was hinting to this ask that has been sitting in my box for a couple of days).

My opinion about the “on cam” vs. “behind cam” is simply the level of professionalism, and I’ll try to explain what I mean by that. When filming a Run episode, the point in the show shouldn’t be to show Vmin (or any of the members) being all cute and clingy with each other. Obviously that’s something that the fans want to see because the show is much more enjoyable when the members look like they get along, so they’ll keep in some cute moments while editing to make the show enjoyable to the viewers. However, the focus on the Run episode should be the game that they are playing or the activity that they are doing. Since the members are interacting the whole time (whether they are working with each other or against each other), it’s inevitable that we are going to have some funny or cute moments with them. When it comes to the Run episodes, the Behind Cams are usually things that happen during the show. They just don’t always relate to what the episode is about. For example, one member might be taking their turn in a game, but you see a couple of the members goofing off in the Behind Cam. I think that’s why we get more Vmin moments and cuter Vmin moments in the Behind Cams. Not because they aren’t close or not allowed to be close in the show, but because that’s how it’s edited, you know what I mean? If they weren’t allowed to be close, they wouldn’t release the moments between them at all, but they do. So I don’t think it has anything to do with them not being allowed to interact or even them avoiding each other. I think it’s just that some of their moments might not actually fit in what the episode is about. (sometimes I feel like people tend to forget that the shows that we watch are very heavily edited sometimes, and we only get to see about 10% of what actually happens during filming).

As for Big Hit, I don’t think Big Hit forces Vmin to hide anything. At least not because Bang Sihyuk himself is homophobic or worried about BTS’s image. I do think that Big Hit probably encourages them to stay hidden (if there’s anything suspicious between them), and I have a few reasons why that may be other than protecting their image or he, himself, being homophobic. Because I seriously doubt that he is. So here’s some bullet points

The main reason I think that Bang PD would want to keep a relationship within the group hidden (if one did exist) is because he would be protecting the group members involved in the relationship. It’s no secret that idol couples often receive death threats (particularly the female involved in a straight relationship, unfortunately) when their relationship status goes public. There are a few relationships that have supporters, but there are so many in which someone in the pairing receives threats from certain fans. Imagine if it was a gay relationship. The two members involved wouldn’t be safe by any means, and they would both probably be receiving threats as well as their group members for having gay band mates.

Another reason would be the focus of the group. If two members within a group are in a relationship, and it is somehow accepted, the focus would probably fall on them. People would forget about BTS and the talk of the group would be whatever relationship is going on inside the group. It’s better for publicity and fairness if a possible relationship within the group remains hidden.

Then you have the focus of sexuality. When an artist comes out as gay, suddenly being gay becomes their career. It’s all anyone wants to talk about. Who cares about this song or that video when we can talk about how gay you are? So tell us, was this song about a gay relationship? (Sweet Night, for example). Did this video have secret gay undertones? (Run, for example).

If they are in a relationship, it’s also possible that Big Hit would want to keep it a secret to protect their relationship. Two group members being in a relationship could pose a big risk if the two members ever broke up. This is especially true if the relationship is public, but there’s more to it than that. If the relationship was public (and accepted), the two would be forced to be a cute couple all the time. They couldn’t be themselves and enjoy their relationship how they want. They would have to enjoy their relationship how people would want to see it. They would be forced to make a show of it, and it could cause unnecessary tension between them that would cause them to want to break up. Then when they break up in the public eye, they are still in the same group. They would be pit against each other by the fans (which happens anyway, but it would be way worse), and it would be more difficult for them to return to being friends than it would be if they had a private relationship.

Another point is that Vmin (do I have to say it again? if they are in a relationship) might want to keep their relationship hidden because it’s private and personal to them, but they may want to show some parts to fans to see what they can get away with show, and an attempt to make changes. And Big Hit might do the same thing. They might realize that Vmin can do certain things and it will come across as friendly, so they allow the two to relax a little and allow their moments to go unedited. As long as it’s something that could pass as friendly.

So my point is that if Big Hit is hiding Vmin’s relationship, it’s not for bad reasons. It’s over all to protect them from harassment, threats, stressing their relationship, making them the focus of the group, and more. I think Big Hit is more likely to push BTS to make a change in a safe way than to hold them back from doing such.

I know it’s probably a different opinion than what most people have. But I, for one, believe that a relationship between the two is possible. I don’t believe they are in a relationship, but I also don’t not believe it. I don’t know, and I can just speculate. I do think it’s possible, and I’m more willing to talk about why it’s possible than why it’s not because I’m all about normalizing gay relationships, yo.

Until there’s an official statement that one of them is dating someone else, I have every right to think that a relationship between them could exist.

[peanutpinet]

Lin Yanjun (mentor) x reader

In honor of finishing my 5th semester that the final assignment was to do a major composition (and I somewhat reference Yanjun a bit, okay, I used some of his pics to enhance my composition but yea), this is a one-shot of Yanjun from a dream I had of him. In this dream, he was sorta, one of the mentors for the Youth With You competition and you’re his secret girlfriend.

It was no shock that this cold making joke person also appears cold since the majority of time, his face was basically an RBF. But seeing it in real-life gives you even more chills. Especially when he is the mentor of many trainees. Lin Yanjun, debuted as the 5th member of Nine Percent back in the first ever Youth With You or Idol Producer as it was known. Now, he, along with his ex-bandmates are all mentors to the new 100 (girl) trainees.

Though he seemed unapproachable due to his cold (RBF) looks, he was actually kind and caring towards the trainees; just like his bandmates. Each of them paid close attention, point out the trainees’ mistakes and even practiced with them to make the trainees feel more comfortable with them. Not to mention, when Yanjun was not only known to be the master of cold jokes but also flirting. Whenever some trainees seemed stressed, Yanjun would always either make a lame, cold joke to lighten up the mood or even flirt when they were practising (ofc to a friendship kind of level). Which is why it’s not a surprised when many trainees get excited when they see him walking along the hallway, waving at them or even when they have classes with him.

However, there was one secret about Yanjun that only his family and bandmates know (and a few other ppl that he trust). That is, Yanjun actually already have a girlfriend. That’s right. This cold (yet hot) face that loves making lame/cold jokes and flirt with literally everything is in fact already taken. Which is why he doesn’t flirt as much as he used to. He knows how flirting can make their significant other feel. Which is the main reason why he tones it down, unless he is with his girlfriend, of course.

He met his girlfriend not too long before becoming a mentor, from one of his shoots for a film. But due to the difference in country origin, the two had to be in a long distance relationship. Though worried how it’ll affect their relationship, it turns out that the long distance actually made them even closer than ever before. No matter how busy both their schedules were, they would always connect each other through messaging applications and even find the time to have a long call with each other at least once every two weeks.

Yanjun wouldn’t admitted it but he does miss the physical interaction and quiet moments when he in the same country as his girlfriend. Especially when he had a long day of work. It doesn’t help that today was one of those days. It has only been 3 months since he last saw his girlfriend, and 1 month since he became a mentor. Normally, it wasn’t as bad since he would normally get the morning classes instead of the late ones like Kun (because he is the main PD in my dream while Yanjun and Ziyi are side PDs). Unfortunately, this day was not his day. Because the trainees were now finalising their performances for the position evaluations and he was in charge of the vocal groups.

For the past month, the trainees were all doing well in class. But for some reason, when it was time to practice on the actual stage, Yanjun noticed multiple mistakes. Whether it was their pronounciations on several english words of the song, their synchronization, or even when they were off-key. This resulted in Yanjun staying back for quite a long time, dismissing his break time and even eating schedule. To Yanjun, if he hasn’t finished work, then he wouldn’t take a break. Especially when the trainees still want to keep going.

It took a lot out of him, pointing out the trainees’ mistakes, repeating each part multiple times before repeating the performance as a whole. After what seemed to be hours of reteaching the trainees and giving them encouragement, Yanjun was finally done for the day. But unfortunately, it was not a good sign for the trainees who were seeing him the next day.

Throughout the whole morning, Yanjun didn’t give any smile whatsoever. Returning to his RBF face due to lack of rest and food. It even escalated when one of the staffs mentioned to him that he had to go to one of the stage halls before all the other staffs and trainees. Though slightly irritated, Yanjun kept it to himself and headed towards the stage halls. Passing through the hallways of the dorms, Yanjun kept a cold gaze and attitude. Only nodding to the trainees and staff he passed by while the trainees bowed at him, not wanting to meet with his cold gaze.

When he finally reached the stage hall, he heard music playing. Confused to why there was music, he closed the hall and slowly crept towards the stage, seeing a familiar figure. As he got closer, he caught a glimpse of the mysterious figure that was right before the stage. Recognising the figure, Yanjun crept every so slowly and hugged them by the waist, placing his head on the crook of their neck.

“Well, I’ve missed you too Jun” you giggled, turning around to see your boyfriend

“Is this why you didn’t text me back this morning? After a long, dreadful day I had the other day?” Yanjun complained, his breath was by your neck

“I wanted it to be a surprise. Did you know how hard was it to get permission? Not to mention coming here without the worry that someone may get a picture of me? I practically had to have the other 8 boys, especially Kun, Justin and Zhangjing beg the producer to allow me to come” you complained back, but in a more playful tone

“Thank you for coming. Thank you for taking the time to come all the way here, just for me” Yanjun sighed, hugging you even tighter, kissing the side of your cheek

“Well, I didn’t come here just for you. That’d be selfish” you teased

“Well, I’m hurt now. Can’t believe you didn’t come here just for me” Yanjun pouted, pulling away from the hug

“You’re adorable when you’re jealous. Don’t you think I don’t know about your flirting with the trainees?” you confronted him

“Well, I toned it down. I know that you would get jealous. But like, they’re my students. While the boys are basically, them!! And let’s not even start with Justin” Yanjun exaggerated

“Alright, alright. C’mon, let’s go have haidilao!! I already made reservations!!” you exclaimed, pulling Yanjun’s hand and directing him towards the back exit

“Hehehe, alright, alright. It better be just the both of us!!” Yanjun warned, wrapping his arm around your shoulder, kissing the side of your temple as the two of you went out to have lunch

Ahhh!!! Another story about Yanjun. Alright, originally, in the dream, Yanjun knew you were coming and he locked all the doors to make sure the two of you have your privacy but I decided to elaborate more. Also, quick note, in my idea, Yanjun, Kun and Ziyi are all PDs but Kun is still the main PD. Yanjun takes care of vocals, Ziyi with rap and Kun with dance but all three takes care of the stage performance. This is mainly because Kun and Yanjun have both become leaders and centres before. While I chose Ziyi because he is just so sweet when it comes to group performances and all. Alright, thank you for reading!!

[heyitsani]

I’m Yours to Choose

Keep on Truckin’ AU Part 2

Word Count: 3057

Rating: Teen and Up

Warnings: Robincest (obviously, even if they’re not siblings in this au), mentions of previous near death from a gunshot wound

Pairing: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd

Summary: Dick is back home after being released from the hospital and a stay at the manor. Jason comes by to take care of him and they get a surprise visitor.

Notes: Jason is a food truck owner and Dick is a Gotham PD officer.  This is just fluff and more exploration of the dynamic.  Next up is their first date!

You can also read this on AO3 here

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, tell me the truth,” Dick glanced over the back of his couch to look at Jason as he moved around in Dick’s kitchen.  It was a sight that Dick liked a whole hell of a lot more than he was willing to admit at this stage.  “How glad are you to be out from under Daddy Wayne’s watchful eye?”

Dick laughed and shook his head when Jason threw a smile at him from over his shoulder as he stirred something that smelled amazing.

“I am glad to be able to be home.”  He didn’t comment on Jason’s snort and went back to sorting through his emails on his laptop.  “I’m also glad you were finally able to break away and come over.  Even if I find it suspicious you were too busy to come to the manor to see me.”

Jason didn’t bother answering and that was enough of an answer for Dick.  He couldn’t blame the other man at wanting to put off that introduction.  The pair weren’t even dating.  Yet, he hoped at least.  He, too, would rather have a couple dates under their belts before Dick introduced Jason to the infamous Brucie Wayne.  Even if Bruce would be the real Bruce and not his public persona when meeting one of his kids significant others.

Snapping his laptop closed, tired of looking through and sorting his emails, Dick carefully stood from the couch and deposited the device on the coffee table before moving toward the kitchen where Jason was chopping something green.

“What exactly are you making?”  He didn’t laugh when Jason jumped slightly and spun, brandishing the knife.  Dick simply raised an eyebrow.

“You are supposed to be resting,” Jason chastised him, frowning.

“I’m allowed to move around, just no overexerting myself.  Walking from the couch to the kitchen is safe.”  Jason narrowed his eyes, but Dick simply smiled brightly and went to the fridge to grab a bottle of sparkling water.  “So?  What are you making?  Cause my stomach can’t handle much more of the teasing scents.”  Pulling himself up onto one of the barstools at the island, he watched Jason resume his chopping.

“Paella.”

“Isn’t that like super hard to make?”

“Nah, not when you know what you’re doing.  The prep takes the longest.  But I did most of that at home before coming over.  Though, I’m totally prepping here next time,” Jason laughed.  “You’ve got a chef’s dream kitchen.  Do you even use it?”

“Not much time to cook, honestly.  And I’m not all that great at it.  Alfred comes over every few weeks and cooks a bunch of meals to freeze that I can just heat up on the fly.” 

“That explains the freezer and an entire cabinet of glass store wares.”  Dick hummed in agreement and drank from his water as he let himself follow Jason’s movements.  “I want to make fun of a grown ass man needing a family butler to make him meals so he didn’t only consume cereal or take-out, but then I also want to shake that man’s hand and thank him for making sure you don’t die of malnutrition.”

“He’s my grandfather.”  Jason looked over at him with furrowed brows.  “I mean technically that’s who he is.  He’s Bruce’s legal guardian and Bruce is my adoptive father.  But even if it weren’t legal, he’d still be my grandfather.”

“Why the hell is he publicly known as a butler then?”

“Cause the papers say whatever they hell they want.  Alf is the real head of that household and he will outlive us all,” Dick raised his water in a cheers motion before taking another drink.  “I think Bruce feels like he’s older than him physically.  Of course, Alfred only had Bruce and Bruce had Tim, Damian and me.  Me alone was probably enough to age him prematurely.”

Jason snickered as he turned back to the food.  Dick took the moment to just watch the other man in his element.  Sure he had had food made by Jason through the food truck, but this was different.  This was the man allowing his true creative nature free.  It was an impressive sight and Dick couldn’t help but want to slide up behind him and wrap his arms around the taller man’s waist.

That thought was interrupted by the sound of his front door opening.

“Uh…?”

“It’s probably one of my brothers.  They both have keys and I told them to never bother knocking when I’m single.”  Dick laughed at the stunned look on Jason’s face as he slid off the stool and headed toward the hallway that led to the door.  “Hey Dames,” Dick greeted his brother.  Without bothering to ask, he wrapped his arms around the younger boy and hugged him tightly before resting his hands on his shoulders.  “What brings you by?”

“I was coming to report to Pennyworth whether or not you are doing well on your own.  But I can smell that you have wasted no time in having someone over to cook for you,” Damian sniffed, narrowing his eyes on Dick who simply shrugged.  “You’re supposed to be resting, Richard.  Why are you up?”  Dick sighed and allowed Damian to spin him around and push him back into the main room and over to the couch.

“Oh good, someone he’ll listen to about resting.”  Dick threw Jason a betrayed look before slumping onto the couch and watching Damian head over to where Jason was now warily watching Dick’s youngest brother approach.  The somewhat meeting at the hospital hadn’t exactly been positive on eithers account so he was uncertain how this one would go.

“Paella?”  Damian asked, looking over the food on the stovetop and the other items sitting out.  Jason nodded and Damian crossed his arms, staring at the older man for a moment.  “Thank you for taking care of Richard.  I still do not trust you nor do I think you deserve someone such as him, but I can appreciate someone who is willing to take care of someone of his stubborn nature.”

“Hey!  I’m right here!”

“Yeah well, I’m lucky he’s willing to lower himself to be friends with me.”  Dick could see Damian’s eye twitch at the word friend and rolled his eyes.

“Want to be more than friends,” Dick called out from his spot.  He smiled at Jason when he looked over, a soft smile of his own resting on his face.

“Stop this disgusting display this instant.  I have seen too often your dalliances, Richard.”  Damian turned his glare onto Dick, who just shrugged and laughed when Jason mouthed ‘is he for real?’.

“Listen, whatever Dick and I are or aren’t isn’t why I’m here.  I’m here because I care and that’s what you do for people you care about.”  Dick watched Damian consider Jason’s words carefully.  “There’s plenty of food and it’s just about done, did you want to join us?  It’s vegetarian.”

Damian looked surprised and even Dick was a little shocked that Jason remembered that tidbit Dick had slipped in one of their phone conversations while he had been at the manor.

“I would not want to intrude.  I was merely stopping by for a moment.”

“Stay, Dami.  If you’re not busy, then stay.”  Dick knew that even if Jason didn’t know the story behind him and Damian, he would have easily seen how important their relationship was to each other in that moment.

“I was going to see Rachel at work, but I can stop by after.  She only just started her shift.”  The mention of Damian’s not-girlfriend made Dick smile wider and Damian’s eyes narrowed further at the expression.  “Get that foolish look off your face, Richard.  I will not tolerate whatever it is you’re thinking.”  Dick merely held up his hands in surrender before shifting to sit properly on the couch.

“Should I put on a movie?”  He asked, grabbing the remote off the side table next to him and flicking on his tv.  He heard Jason and Damian both agree before he pulled up the menu on Netflix and started scrolling. 

He was still searching when Jason appeared in front of him with a plate and his previously abandoned sparkling water.  Dick smiled his thanks and tossed the remote onto the couch so he could take the two items.

“Pick something out Dames,” Dick said, putting his water on the table and grabbing the remote to toss to his brother.  Damian caught it easily as he sat in the armchair.  Jason dropped onto the couch next to Dick a moment later as Damian was starting up The Secret Life of Pets 2.  “Oh, I love this one.  The bunny makes the whole movie.”

“Wouldn’t have pegged you as a cartoon guy, Damian,” Jason commented.  And though Dick knew how much his brother loved animated films, he would be surprised if he’d admit that to Jason.  Tentative truce or not.

“I like animals.”  And yeah, that was a good compromise.

“Dames wants to be a vet,” Dick told Jason before taking a bite of the food on his plate.  “Oh my god, Jay.  This is amazing,” he moaned around the food in his mouth.  Despite the slight blush on his cheeks, Jason rolled his eyes.

“Swallow before you talk, you heathen.”

“Honestly, Richard, your manners are atrocious.  Pennyworth would be appalled.”

“You guys love me just the way I am.”

“Doesn’t mean you aren’t a disgusting slob of a man,” Damian threw back before turning back to the food in his own lap.  “But Richard is correct, Todd.  This food is quite delicious.  I will report back to Pennyworth and tell him Richard is in good hands culinarily speaking.  We shall see in regard to the rest.”

“Well, I’ll take what I can get for the time being.”  Smiling brightly at Jason when he glanced his way, Dick tried to let his appreciation shine through his expression.  He knew Damian could be difficult to swallow and it meant a lot that Jason was so obviously trying.  “So, a vet, huh?  Do you have pets then?”

Dick leaned back and let Damian informing Jason of his various pets wash over him as he ate and mindlessly watched the movie his brother had picked.  He didn’t realize he had zoned out until Jason was nudging him and he found both men looking at him expectantly.

“What?”  Jason snorted and Damian rolled his eyes, but Dick could see the fondness.

“I think it’s time for your next round of meds?”  Dick glanced at his watch at Jason’s words and nodded.  “Where are they?  I’ll grab them.”

“Nah, I’ll get them.  I have to pee anyway,” he said, just to get the disgusted reaction from Damian.

“Must you announce yourself that way?”

“Oh I must, Little D.  I really must.”  Jason laughed and took Dick’s empty plate from him and hovered by as he stood slowly from the couch before heading to the kitchen while Dick went to the bathroom in his bedroom.  He leaned on the counter once the door was shut behind him, taking notice of how sore he had become.  According the time he was two hours late for his pain pills, but he had been distracted enough not to notice.

Carefully, he relieved himself and grabbed the pills he needed before heading back to the living room to take them with the water he had already out.  He could see Jason at the sink, washing dishes and Damian still seated in the armchair.

“You waited too long,” the younger stated quietly enough so Jason wouldn’t hear him.  Dick shrugged a shoulder as he slowly lowered himself back to the couch.  Damian scowled.  Dick wanted to do the same because it was awfully annoying how well the younger could read the way he moved and could guess how much discomfort he was in.  It had always been a two-way street with them.

“I’m fine, Dames.  I promise.  I’m just trying to wean off the heavy stuff.  I admit I went a little longer than I meant to, but the statement stands,” Dick told him, tossing the pills and water back. 

“The doctors said-“ Dick held up his hand and gave Damian a look.

“They suggested.  I know what my body can handle better than them.  This isn’t the first time I’ve been shot on the job, and we both know it.”  And Dick knew that bringing up the incident from when Damian had been barely a teen wasn’t fair.  That had been a particularly close call and though this time hadn’t been a walk in the park, it didn’t compare.

The noise in the kitchen had stopped and Dick hoped Jason hadn’t heard most of that for the sake of not wanting to delve into that particular story.  But he didn’t have time to focus on that when Damian was glaring at him and standing from his chair.

“Dames, don’t go.  Come on.  I didn’t mean to bring that up.”

“I told Rachel I would go see her today anyway.”

“Hey, stop,” Dick said softly, reaching out to grab his brother’s wrist as he passed by.  “If you want to go, fine.  But don’t go mad, okay?”  He could tell Damian was considering his options carefully.

“I will bring you back your usual drink from Elemental,” Damian offered, the best ‘I’m not mad’ that Dick was going to get from him.

“Stay over tonight?”  The slight nod he got in response was enough.  “I’ll call B and let him know.”  He knew Damian would only be happy if he was able to know for sure Dick wasn’t lying about his condition.  And he wouldn’t get honest answers if Jason was around.

“Nice seeing you again, Damian,” Jason called over from the kitchen where he was drying his hands with a tea towel.

“Yes, well I shall reserve my judgement of you for the time being.  But I know ten ways to kill you just using my bare hands and will employ all of them if you hurt Richard in anyway,” Damian remarked as he walked out of the room, leaving Jason stunned and Dick chuckling.

Watching Jason, Dick just smirked and watched him stare at the spot Damian had disappeared from.  He didn’t snap back to attention until the front door opened and shut with a decisive click.

“Does he really?”

“Probably not ten,” Dick shrugged.  “Maybe like…five.”

“I said it last time and I’ll say it again, he is intense for a teenager.”

“He likes you.  Thank you for that.”  And Dick meant it.  It was rare for Damian to warm up to anyone as quickly as he had just now.  But Damian was good at reading people’s intentions and that had made a difference.  “And thank you for remembering the vegetarian thing.  I have friends I’ve known since I was adopted and they can barely remember.”

Jason shrugged a shoulder and put the towel on the counter before coming back over to the couch and dropping down next to him again.

“I don’t have any siblings, but I’ve always wanted them.  My parents should never have been parents, so it was good they only had me.”

“You can take my brothers any time you like.  One is allergic to sleep and the other is an old man in a sixteen-year-old body.”  Jason laughed and Dick smiled at the sight.  He had seen the other man laugh and smile plenty, but there was something different about it in that moment.  When neither had any kind of obligations happening and they were just together, enjoying the others company.  It was warm.  It made Dick’s heart speed up just slightly.  “But speaking of friends who I have known for years, my oldest friend Donna is having a birthday party next weekend.  I was told under threat of releasing embarrassing information that I was to bring ‘that new hottie Wally told me about’.”

“Are you asking to meet the rest of your harem?”

“Well, they’ll be there but Donna has black hair.  If anything, I’d be in her harem.”  Jason chuckled and nodded.

“Send me the details and I’ll make sure to be available.”  Nodding his head, Dick made a mental note to do it tomorrow so not to seem too desperate.  But he was beaming on the inside that Jason had agreed to go.  Now he just had to make sure his friends would chill out enough not to overwhelm him.  “Can I take you to dinner before that?”

“What?”  Dick straightened up a bit more quickly than he meant to, startled by the random words.  Rubbing at the healing wound, he held back a wince.

“Sorry,” Jason frowned, his eyes tracking Dick’s hand on his chest.  “I didn’t mean to surprise you.  I’d just like to have our first date under our belt before I meet all of your friends.”

Considering his words, Dick figured it would be fine for him to go out to dinner.  Not like Jason would let him do much of anything strenuous.

“You don’t consider this a date?”  He was only joking, but it was kind of a date.

“Not with your little brother crashing, no.”  Okay, that was fair.  “So?”  Oh yeah, he hadn’t actually given an answer.

“Yeah, Jay.  I’d like that a lot.”  The smile that stretched across Jason’s face took Dick’s breath away and he had to physically stop himself from leaning over and kissing the man.  “Jesus, you are beautiful,” he let slip without thinking.  The blush that spread onto Jason’s cheeks was well worth the embarrassment he felt for not controlling himself. 

“You obviously haven’t looked in any mirrors.”

“Nah, I look in them all the time.  I know what people think when they look at me.  I would much rather look at you.”

“I will never get over how fucking charming you are.”  Dick smiled brightly and leaned further back into the couch.  “I bet you could charm a crook into a confession.  Have you ever tried?”  That made Dick laugh loudly as he shook his head.

“No, I can’t say I have.”

“Well damn, Officer Grayson.  Think of all the criminals you could have behind bars.”

“I’ll keep that in mind once I’m back on active duty,” Dick offered.  Jason nodded and chuckled softly.

“You do that.”