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[ameriserve]

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[pansylair]

How did you get started with ceramics? I always thought it was going to be what I did for a living but out of high school everything has remained prohibitively expensive. Surely there are avenues for people who are serious about it but don't have the money to drop on pottery guild memberships and kilns, right? Would it just be knowing the right people at that point?

After I graduated from my high school and its art program (I’ve never had post-secondary education) I went to my communal studio and paid roughly $6-800cad a year for a higher level of membership (storage space and full studio/glaze kitchen access 24/7), give or take. It’s been ages so I can’t remember the exacts, and fees on everything in general has been slowly creeping up. You are correct in that there is a lack of financial accessibility regarding artisanal crafts and global inflation isn’t helping in the slightest, my rental fees are a bit over $1k now and clay prices have tripled ($71cad after tax for a sleeve of the cheapest clay body ((tack on supply shortages and mine closures to the list of problems)) :(

I’ve seen some communal studios with absolutely ridiculous expensive membership fees to ones with various membership options like my studio starting at lower price points, and studios with paid or unpaid internships.

Many ceramicists are very understanding and give their insight and tips, or hooking someone up with their old equipment. I’ve been offered using/sharing a kiln or space in people’s private studios if ever needed. So continuing to try and reach out to servers/pages of online and in person communities and can be worth it.

Government art grants can allow for some studios themselves to be more accessible in multiple ways, including financially, and applying for and receiving individual grants has been a giant aid to the careers of friends and coworkers. It varies on a country to country basis but. god, would sure love to have art funding globally valued and well sustained.

One small mercy and neat thing however is microwave kilns. basically exactly what’s written, it’s a vestibule you put into a microwave, turn it on, and you get small, low fire ceramic (or glass) work which I’ve seen many people use for small sculptures.

I’ve also seen people make gorgeous work via pit firings, raku in a charcoal grill for example, or build a simple wood fire outdoor kiln. Kick wheels are also a possible cheaper investment for wheel throwing.

I’ve dug up and processed some lovely and pretty wild clay around where I live and hope to do some pit firings with it as tests have gone well.

I’ve seen small secondhand kilns starting at $250cad for a manual and seen programmable ones at $600cad. Understanding prices for rewiring, repairs, installation and ventilation etc. also needs to be taken into account, lots of research needs to be done before investing in one.

I hate that I have no clear and helpful answer for you, but if you’re still searching, I sincerely hope much sooner than later you can do ceramic work without having to worry about affording it

[tobi-smp]

I don't want to hold anything against this specific person, because I Remember the discourse that lead to this and I know exactly how it could get passed around and warped (either through telephone or someone's own memory shifting with time).

that said, I never liked that discourse specifically Because it was a clear misreading of the text, and what better opportunity do I have to talk about it now.

the context was the bench trio therapy stream. tommy had been beaten to death by dream, sat in limbo for months, and then revived and told Explicitly that dream was planning on escaping prison and tormenting the rest of the server.

the mindset that tommy is in is that he Has to do something, but he's deeply traumatized by what's happened to him. he's Scared to go back to the prison, but he has no choice but to do it for the safety of everyone else in the server.

the "therapy stream" was bench trio Trying to do exposure therapy on tommy to help him work through his trauma in the lead up to attempting to infiltrate the prison. and the entire point is that they Absolutely Were Not actually helping.

what they were Actually doing was triggering tommy by exposing him to things that he was traumatized by, because they didn't actually know how to do exposure therapy and what they were trying to do wasn't healthy in the first place.

so the Context of this conversation is tommy desperately trying to just, Get Rid Of his trauma (something that is absolutely not possible) while entering a worse and worse mindset because he was intentionally triggering himself.

Likewise, the context for Tubbo's half of the conversation is that he Very Intentionally represses his own trauma, both from Himself and from other people. he puts himself in a little box that he buries under the floorboards and asks people to ignore the way the boards creak when they walk on him.

there's a million ways you could cut Why he does this. part it is his people pleasing, willingly pushing himself down for the sake of everyone else no matter how painful. seeing Himself as an accessory to the people he cares about, rather than a whole complete and important person. and in part because it feels Safer, it's Safer to pretend that nothing hurt him.

and Why that is is complicated. part of it is External. he doesn't Get to be angry about what he's been through, because the people he's angry At will just hurt him again. and if he thinks about how he's hurt then he Will get angry, so he just Won't Think About It.

and part of it is that I don't think he wants to process his trauma any more than tommy does. because it's painful, because he doesn't have the tools to actually work through it, because they aren't Safe so he can't afford to break down now (trouble is, there never Seems to be a "safe" time to think about himself).

they're the Repression Brothers. the difference being that tommy's at a different stage of it. not a Healthy One, but different.

tommy spent months not being able to put into words what exile was, what pogtopia was, was the final control room was. and he still won't be able to put it in plain words for some time from here.

but he's reached the point where he Can't ignore it anymore, but he still doesn't know what to Do about it. he's still frustrated with an (to an extent) Ashamed Of his trauma. he feels Lesser Than he was before and wants it to all just go away and go back to Normal.

he's doing this because he Has To, because he Has to be strong enough to fight dream. because if he's too scared to do it then he'd be sacrificing everyone else's safety.

he and tubbo are doing the Same Thing in different fonts, sacrificing their well being for the people Around Them, including Each Other.

so, lets go back to that moment that started all of this.

the exposure therapy was on the final control room section, with tommy working through having been killed by dream.

tubbo mentions that he died that night too, and tommy says something to the effect of "you did, but you have thicker skin."

this has been taken out of context to mean "you did, but I have it worse than you," when IN CONTEXT it means "you did, but you're stronger than me," or more accurately "you did, But I'm Worse Than You."

tommy does not see his trauma in the context of stupid apologist discourse. he sees his trauma as something that makes him Worse, as something he Shouldn't Feel. as something that makes him Weaker than everyone else, who Obviously are so much more put together than he is.

when he says this he's not saying that he's more important than tubbo, he's putting himself down in comparison TO tubbo.

and this is absolutely still harmful ! This is legitimately one of tommy's character flaws ! but it is Not the selfishness that people make it out to be.

it's tommy accidentally hurting other people by seeing Himself negatively. it's an unhealthy relationship with mental health, and a Realistic one considering the circumstances and setting.

likewise, it's Just As Much born from tubbo's own unhealthy coping mechanisms. tommy assumes that what happened didn't bother tubbo the way it did him because Tubbo wants him to think that.

Tubbo doesn't let tommy see how much he's hurting, which in turn feeds into this cycle.

tubbo assumes he Has to shove his trauma down for tommy's sake (for the sake of Everyone he cares about), and so tommy assumes tubbo was just Stronger than him and wants desperately to just shove his own trauma away the way tubbo seems to be able to.

this moment IS tragic, it IS an example of the two of them hurting each other. but it's BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH THEY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER !!!

Both Of Them are trying to be strong enough to protect the other, and it's Hurting Them. it's unhealthy, but it 's not Malicious. it's self-sacrificial not Selfish. it's not something they've done to each other but what's been done To Them by the world they live in. what they've done to Themselves trying to live in it.

this shouldn't have been a discourse moment, it should've been clingyduoers tearing each other apart in the street at the tragedy of it

[eneagore]

My Uncomfortable Thoughts on Spotify & More...

You can retrieve the news here: Financial Times News

A Heavy Heart & Spotify's Latest Mess

Okay, I'm not really sure how to process this news. Since this space is also a diary for me, a safe haven for me and for everyone who reads my posts, where I've found warmth and acceptance, it feels right to share what's on my mind.

I'll be straight up: I never wanted to talk about politics in my spaces. But so often, as it happens every single day, everything in the world affects us. And if it messes with how I express myself as an artist, it's only right to speak up, even if it's in a neutral tone. We all agree:��war sucks. And this news is the shameful proof that they're using regular people as human garbage to play their power games. I don't even care who's right or wrong. It just sucks, plain and simple.

Spotify: The Final Straw?

That said. The investments by Spotify's founder are a verified fact; I double-checked the news to make sure it was true. My reaction? Spotify is already a dumpster fire for independent artists, but this is the final blow for anyone who has even a shred of ethics concerning human lives.

That it's a mess is common knowledge: between botted playlists, contracts with labels that are practically labor exploitation, delayed payments or worse, no payments at all. Plus, it's now a closed system based on followers and listen counts. So, even if you make amazing music but only get 3 listens a month, sorry, but people won't care about you because you're a nobody. It's a predatory policy against emerging and independent artists, or those who aren't "economically valued" (if you'll allow me the euphemism), and therefore can't afford profitable Meta ad campaigns to get noticed.

That's why, even though I still put stuff on Spotify for the few people who listen, I've pretty much given up caring. Part of that is the total lack of interaction, which has always been my priority: being part of a community.

My Next Move & The Crushing Reality

Now, this news. My reaction, for my own sanity, has been this: I'm ditching my distributor. I'll just keep making music here on Tumblr and on SoundCloud. It won't change anything, I'm just one person, and I won't make a difference, but at least I'll know I'm not part of this abhorrent story.

And then, in the music Discord servers I follow (because interaction there? Don't even get me started, it only exists for ulterior motives), there's the polite falseness of artists who claimed to be upset. But when someone said, "Let's do something, delete our Spotify profiles," they backed out, saying, "nothing will change; the only thing we can do is isolate ourselves, go to the mountains, and live as hermits." After hearing those statements, I'm more convinced than ever that humanity has lost its value, and turbocapitalism has swallowed us all whole.

[0xeff]

A call for help (again).

I'll start with a preface. I hate making these kinds of posts. I know that there are some of you who are getting quite sick of seeing them, and believe me when I say I'm sick of writing them.

This past month, my income has been severely limited due to factors in my employer's life. To the point where I've not made much, and can't afford my portion of the rent. Nor a present for my mother's birthday.

I've attempted other avenues this month for income. I've searched for jobs in my area of expertise, and I've been ghosted and denied at nearly every turn. I've applied for Ontario Works, and got denied due to the fact that I'm living with my mother, who is on Disability and my grandmother, who is on Old Age Pension. I'm appealing this decision, naturally, because I think that it's bullshit. This appeal however, will not go through before my rent is due.

I've put forward an application for ODSP, my province's disability support program. I have a very decent chance of getting accepted eventually, due to my severe ADHD and various symptoms of Autism that impact my daily life, and make it supremely difficult for me to hold down a stable job. I only managed to get my ADHD meds yesterday, I've been off of them for most of this month due to budget constraints. While I'm reasonably sure I'll be accepted, the process is still long and arduous.

I'm a very private person, as many of you may already know. I don't like talking about what's going on in my life even among many of my close friends. I struggle a lot to write these words now, asking for help time and time again. I know it will get better, and I have to hold on to that hope that it will, but I do need support. I want to be able to repay the kindness of this community. I want to be able to do what I am passionate about, and that's making cool things for all of you, who've been such an important and positive part of my life. This community is, well and truly, my hyperfixation.

If you can at all spare something, or share my plight to those who can, I would appreciate it greatly. I always do, and the support you've all given me so far has been nothing short of life-changing. I'm trying my hardest to do right by all of you, despite my issues.

In other news, dev stream later today (On the MxRP Official Discord Server). I don't know an exact time yet, or what specifically I'll be working on, but I'll definitely be doing something.

[deviantartdramahub]

So this is something to settle an expose a certain person who is rallying people to hate on one of my friends, and that person is @xscene-queen-selfshipsx. This is from my perspective, the person she actively and proudly tried to trick into giving her free stuff by taking advantage of my generosity.

For context, Vee and I had become close friends, and I admittingly was lovestruck and didn't go about it in the right ways, ultimately, unfortunately, unknowingly, and unintentionally making Vee uncomfortable and having Vee block me on everything. I do not blame Vee for what she did to protect her own emotional well being and once Scene relayed what Vee had told her I did, I finally saw the other perspective and I took a long look at myself in the mirror and punched it in disgust, and now I'm in the process of making a mosaic of a monarch butterfly with the pieces of that mirror.

What Scene thought she was doing was revenge for her as she found out that with as little income I have, I go out of my way to show appreciation for the people that are there for me and give them gifts, but I personally can't see how what she was attempting to do and admittingly almost succeeded in doing is in the benefit of ANYBODY ELSE but herself.

I first met Scene when playing Cards Against Humanity with her and Vee, we three had a great time together, and afterwards conversations went on from there. Scene was a cool person with a lot of similar interests and I enjoyed talking to her. There was a time she thought about leaving Vee's server when she felt like she wasn't fitting in and had nothing in common with anybody there. Being someone that has dealt with rejection from the world for being different, I decided to go talk to her, and I spent hours writing long paragraphs to help her understand that it's okay to be different and to be proud of it, and that she should still be open about her personal interests because true friends will support you in those interests AND since I was there at the time, I offered to be that person that shared common interests with her. After that long conversation, Scene decided to stick around and it seemed her mood had actually changed. She seemed more confident to be herself and seemed to have found a new outlook on everything, I felt like I had truly helped her. She even said when I admitted to her that I REALLY liked Vee, that she fully supported the possibility of Vee and I getting together and that I would be a good person for her.

Fast forward to when Vee and I had our falling out because of my own mistakes that I take full responsibility for, and have told Scene many times that I did. Scene and I talked about the falling out, and Scene went to Vee to find out her perspective of everything and then relayed it to me, which was extremely helpful in me starting to fix what is wrong with me as I was unaware of the full scope of what I did wrong, but scene did it in a very harsh way as well. Calling me names, comparing me to awful people or comparing my actions to way more extreme actions, making sure that I saw every ugly detail in my reflection so I could start popping those ugly pimples of my personality. But she also helped change the subject and was being there to talk to me about the common interests we had, often having to help me stop thinking or talking about Vee in my time of heartbreak by saying things like "it was never real, you were delusional, you messed up, you have a lot to work on before even thinking about finding love" etc. (not actual word-for-word quotes, just mostly paraphrasing.) and of course the conversation came up about my anxiety of how Vee is going to feel when gifts I had sent her were going to be coming in the mail in a couple days and how I used to shower Vee in gifts, not in a way to "buy her love" but to simply get her something that she couldn't afford at the time (but I could) that I know she would like and would make her happy, because I am a people pleaser to a fault.

After Scene discovered this trait about me that I do with ALL my friends, she started REALLY trying to convince me to get her stuff, and in my depressive state, I agreed that I would buy her stuff she was asking for, because I wanted to be happy making somebody else happy again. I came close to doing so but thankfully fate protected me and the items she was asking for the most at the time were out of stock, so I couldn't buy it for her, so then I splurged on myself to cope in my own way, making me unable to afford ANYTHING she was asking me for. She kept trying to tell me when I was reacting to the things she was asking for "not to fall for her, don't make the same mistake you made with Vee", but that's the thing, I didn't have an OUNCE of feelings for Scene in the slightest, my heart simply doesn't move on like that, and I'm currently working on myself to be a better partner for somebody in the future, because obviously I'm not good for anybody right now for many reasons. I am not going to fall for somebody else RIGHT AFTER losing somebody that I was basically handing my heart over to on a silver platter, especially if that person is their "ride or die" best friend that's like a sister to them, that's just morally messed up. I was simply reacting because what she was asking me for was the typical Hot Topic girl vibes clothing, which I did admit that is my favorite style and usually the style of every girl I crushed on, just to simply say that Scene had good taste and that she was going to be looking amazing in it, the same way a gay friend would go shopping with a bestie and compliment her with no intentions behind it because he doesn't swing that way. Example: "Damn gurl! Your butt in those, omg, you're going to make guys and girls flood the place because they'll be drooling so much! Yaaaas!"

Fast forward again after some time of me talking to Scene, daily updates, random memes, occasional drops in mood and venting how I miss Vee and how I wish I knew sooner what I was doing wrong so I could start to fix it before I lost her, etc. I randomly got a message from Vee after being unblocked on one of the apps we actively followed each other on in the past, telling me to add her back on Discord since she unblocked me there too because she had something important to tell me. Vee then sent me the screenshots you see in this post, of Scene admitting to her that she was planning to take advantage of me to get free stuff while also talking shit and insulting me for being a kind and trusting person who makes a lot of mistakes unknowingly and unintentionally. The way she speaks about me when I've been nothing but kind and supportive of her truly hurts. After Vee told me that, Vee and I also discussed our falling out, what we both did wrong on our own parts, what we learned about ourselves in the experience, and what we plan to do to become the best version of ourselves in the future. Vee and I are on good terms and actively speaking to each other, but I am controlling myself as best as I can to not be the clingy, obsessed, and lovestruck fool I was that made me lose her before, and she is trying her best to be better at communicating and being open about her feelings instead of forming to what she thinks others want. We are both becoming better people slowly but surely, because we don't want to be misunderstood by our actions when we have good intentions.

After I was informed, I kept it going with Scene to see how far she'd truly go to do such an evil thing to someone, and even when I admitted that I'm nervous that she may be taking advantage of me after she sent her amazon wishlist, she denied any I'll intentions and tried to make me feel ridiculous for thinking that she would do something like that, that she is there for me. So I decided it was finally time to show her what I now know. And you can see the rest in the screenshots.

Fast forward to now, where Scene is posting vague things, bad mouthing Vee and rallying other people who have had their own experiences with Vee, but never admitting any wrong she did on her part. I don't think Vee doing the morally right thing and warning someone that something LITERALLY ILLEGAL is being done to them warrants all the things that are being said about her. I do not make a lot of money right now, the only guaranteed amount being a little over 1k per month, while also living in my own and taking care of my ESA cat, and the things I was going to buy for Scene were going to be a LOT of money, the CHEAPEST item Scene was asking for being $50 or more, yet I was still going to do it because I was convinced she was my friend and gave a damn about me.

I'm going to close this with a direct statement to Scene. Scene, please feel free to do a post explaining how *you* taking advantage of a broken, generous, kind, good intentioned, IDIOT is "revenge" for Vee. Explain what Vee gains out of that. If you know Vee like you claim to, that you were her BEST FRIEND, her ride or die, then you would know that Vee doesn't take pleasure in the suffering of others, and what you were doing wasn't minor at all. You could've had me spend money on you that I could've spent on taking care of myself, wether it be things for my physical stability or emotional stability. You took advantage of my emotional state, my gullibility, and my passion for making others happy. Now you're upset because your friend ratted you out before you gained anything from it. I'm sorry but in comparison to you, Vee, and I, I have to say you are mostly in the wrong on a moral standpoint, and a legal standpoint at that. You are the reason why I hate humanity and now don't even want to identify as human anymore because humans are greedy little fucks that let the 7 deadly sins not only dictate their lives, but let it be the core fundamentals of how the "real world" works. What you attempted to do to me is disgusting, and I'm sure if you were on ANY other side of this other than your own, you'd be just as disgusted by somebody doing that to somebody else, and if I'm wrong and you STILL think you're justified, you have a LOT more to work on than Vee and I do. And anybody else that sees this and still thinks she's justified, you have problems too. I pity all of you and the karma that will eventually come for you. I wish you all luck in your own paths of lives, because the ones I see you going on are ROUGH, but there's many forks in the paths of lives that you have the choice to take better ones, ones less traveled so you don't need to push others down to get past them.

I believe I've said all I could, but I could always go into more detail. I hope this post doesn't get taken down while other posts slandering Vee remain up while Vee's retaliation is being taken down. That would be extremely unfair and just silencing the truth and hiding actual evidence of somebody doing an awful and ILLEGAL thing she could EASILY try to do to others. This is Tovar Perri, AKA tovarisawesome or tovartheawesome (depending on the platform), not any alt account of Vee's, and I'm willing to prove that however I can.

TLDR: Be careful getting REMOTELY close with @xscene-queen-selfshipsx, there is a chance that it's all just an act to get something out of you, wether it be something with monetary value or simply your attention and emotional support, and she actually doesn't give to flying fucks about you, no matter how nice you are to her. Nobody is off limits for her to manipulate and take advantage of. Vee and I may have our own flaws we are actively working on, at least we are morally mature enough to know that doing something like that is EXTREMELY messed up. Did I mention enough that it's also ILLEGAL?! If I wanted to I could take legal action for just attempting to do it, and with all the evidence Vee and I have and my amazing lawyers, I would win. I'm just saying. But I like to give second chances, so as long as this post puts an end to this whiny "my friend snitched on me and I didn't get my free clothes, WAH! Let's all talk shit about her and validate me when I don't disclose the shitty things I did!" posts that I'm seeing, then I'll take that as you either sulking in your shit pile you made, waiting for karma to come to you, or you are actively working on yourself as well, which I hope the case is the ladder. Good luck. I hope nothing but the best for everyone in this shitty situation and this fucked up world we live in.

Long-winded as always, if that isn't proof that I am Tovar Perri, I don't know what is. XD

I'm going to see how all this goes. One might say Evie has been brigading in response to everything and that it's giving this a conflict of interest. You won't be given the boot, but keep in mind the dump may not exist for long. There also needs to be more sources, this needs to be talked about.

[askagamedev]

I've heard from friends that there's no reason for companies to shut down game/store servers because "it doesn't really cost them anything to keep it up", which feels wrong to me given how readily console makers are to close up features of older consoles that wouldn't conflict with newer ones. Is upkeep really that cheap?

Here's the thing - your friends are kind of right but also mostly wrong at the same time. In terms of technology and such, they are correct - running a server process in the cloud today is pretty cheap. We pay for how much CPU time our processes end up using and old games don't use up that much since there aren't that many players, so the cost of running the server itself is not that high.

However...

There are significantly more costs to running a game (especially a service game) than simply keeping the server running. That's where your friends are wrong.

Imagine, for example, a longtime player gets hacked and the hacker deletes her character and items. What is the player's recourse? Submit a ticket to customer service and get it resolved, right? Now we need to keep at least one customer service agent on the service to handle things like refunds, user mistakes, and so on. What if the server crashes? We'll need somebody to handle server maintenance. What if somebody discovers an exploit that severely harms the player experience? I guess we need a programmer who knows how to fix things. If there's any development to be done, there will also need to be production (to keep tasks prioritized and tracked) and QA (to validate fixes).

Remember, the vast majority of the costs of game development are the salaries and benefits paid out to the people working on and maintaining the game. Even a small skeleton crew costs hundreds of thousands of dollars per year in salary, benefits, taxes, equipment, rent, and so on. So... upkeep for the server processes really is that cheap. But keeping an entire game running is absolutely not that cheap. When the service can't afford to pay for its own upkeep - including the salaries of all of the people needed to keep the service running - then it gets shut down.

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[feministfang]

As a straight woman, a relationship advice i would like to give to other straight women is to never settle with a man who is not adding value to your life.

Some of you radfems in heterosexual relationships are literally dating men who put bare minimum effort. You people keep crying about the bar being so low for these men and then proceed to date them when they only give you respect, attention or are loyal or have integrity. These things are just bare minimum.

If i am dating a man, i would expect him to serve me. He should make my life easier, struggle-free, support my dreams, spoil me with romantic gestures like dates, flowers or opening doors. He should worship me literally and make me feel special because i know i am a goddess and deserve high value treatment.

This is how i treat myself. And if i am treating myself better than how he is treating me, or if i am struggling with something and he is just sitting there with his verbal "you’re so strong you can do it yourself" gesture thinking that would make me fall for him more,i would literally dump his ass. He is completely useless.

Take advantage of your relationships! If your relationship with this man is not benefitting you, then he is just another burden in your life. Men are literally built to serve women, so raise your standards!!

It’s always the broke or 50/50 mentality mediocre ones crying about high standards of women. And it’s always the women who are not aware of their worth settling with these losers. These low standards you people have for these men are not even my standards for platonic relationships.

Start valuing yourselves!! Decenter men, stop chasing them, stop replying to their texts if social media is where they approach you… it’s literally embarrassing, and just live your best life loving yourself and being obsessed with yourself.

It’s because you’re so focused on finding a right partner, you limit your standards in the process. If you actually start utilising all that energy in yourself instead, you will realise that you’re out of so many men’s league and their low effort behaviour will make you wanna puke on their faces.

You disrespect yourself when you lower your standards for men. If a man cannot afford my standards, that’s his problem not mine since i would reject him. His loss! My attraction to a man will never become a reason to date him, it will always be my high expectations. I don’t care about my love for him. I love myself first.

I don’t need a man for anything. I am independent and can live happily on my own. But just because i can provide for myself does not mean i would settle with someone who does not have a provider mentality.

I am not blessing any man’s life with my presence if i am not welcomed like a goddess in it. I won’t even give him attention. As long as he’s bothering me, he’s my server or he’s a nobody to me.

[elbiotipo]

fwiw and i have no idea what the artists are doing with it, a lot of the libraries that researchers are currently using to develop deep learning models from scratch are all open source built upon python, i'm sure monsanto has its own proprietary models hand crafted to make life as shitty as possible in the name of profit, but for research there's a lot of available resources library and dataset wise in related fields. It's not my area per se but i've learnt enough to get by in potentially applying it to my field within science, and largely the bottleneck in research is that the servers and graphics cards you need to train your models at a reasonable pace are of a size you can usually only get from google or amazon or facebook (although some rich asshole private universities from the US can actually afford the cost of the kind of server you need. But that's a different issue wrt resource availability in research in the global south. Basically: mas plata para la universidad pública la re puta que los parió)

Yes, one great thing about software development is that for every commercially closed thing there are open source versions that do better.

The possibilities for science are enormous. Gigantic. Much of modern science is based on handling huge amounts of data no human can process at once. Specially trained models can be key to things such as complex genetics, especially simulating proteomes. They already have been used there to incredible effect, but custom models are hard to make, I think AIs that can be reconfigured to particular cases might change things in a lot of fields forever.

I am concerned, however, of the overconsumption of electronics this might lead to when everyone wants their pet ChatGPT on their PC, but this isn't a thing that started with AI, electronic waste and planned obsolescence is already wasting countless resources in chips just to feed fashion items like iphones, this is a matter of consumption and making computers be more modular and longer lasting as the tools they are. I've also read that models recently developed in China consume much, much less resources and could potentially be available in common desktop computers, things might change as quickly as in 2 years.

[justathingfromthebrainvoid]

Okay so Gem throughout Secret Life (and also the one episode in Limited Life) has been so fascinating for several reasons. (hello i'm back, yes this is the brain rotates the gem post, welcome.)

so first off everyone is fairly Aware of her pvp prowess, GeminiSlay is a name they know. So for the most part, no one tries to fight her. She's brought down by fighting blazes & an enderman, the red horde going after everyone (them fighting back) and eventually Scar's bow, and then by and large Grian's tnt minecarts before Pearl and Scar together kill her in a 2 v 1 fight (that for the 1st part mostly-ish bows, something she isn't quite as good at). People talk about how they don't want to fight Gem. Not unless they have to.

This affords her a level of safety. If they're scared of fighting you, they don't go after you.

And then she's the New person. She's the only New Person. She's cheery and happy even as she goes on her murdering sprees. Even Lizzie and Mumbo, not back since Last Life, have a different edge to them and then they're out so quickly they don't reach the line where the server goes into murder and betrayal. Cleo says it in the last session: Gem doesn't know what is about to happen.

And she doesn't. Not in the way everyone else does. It is a murder game, and Gem treats it as such, but she doesn't get the weight of what happens in those last sessions.

She loses her first life and is mildly bloodthirsty, she opens the end, sends in greens in hopes of getting more yellows, she gets a task that says kill every non red at least once and does so without hesitance, she turns red, succeeds 5 red tasks in her next episode and gets her two teammates to sacrifice themselves to her along with killing Pearl, and she smiles throughout the entire thing.

When the last session starts she's happy, ready to go out and murder some more people, and sure it's a bit "erie" and "quiet", but she's having a great time on the murder camel, looking for Skizz, figuring out how they can kill Etho/Cleo/Grian.

The other players Know what's about to happen, and she doesn't. Scott stays with her almost the entire episode. He knows what's going to happen. He already decided how he's going to die.

And then they come back from the Nether and Gem loses about 30 of her hearts, she panics slightly and a bit more when she finds Grian behind a wall (alone and down a bunch of hearts her first thought is run), but she goes back to the fight, kills Grian herself, and, oh, it's only them and the mounders left, time for the last battle apparently. She tries getting her murder buddy on their side again but Pearl refuses and it's not like she's leaving the Scotts, so they shoot arrows and run around the server a bit before retreating up the stairs back to their base. Pearl shoots her, Impulse dies, and Gem is starting to think they are going to as well (it's fine, that's what the game's about), but Bdubs and Joel are killed pretty easily and then she and Scott are running again (run, shoot, run again, why'd it have to be a bow fight?), there's a close call with Scar (it's fine, she gets away, where's Scott though?).

But I don't think she really gets it yet. Not until she joins back up with Scott and the first thing he says is "I need you to kill me. I've got 2.5 hearts, you need to kill me." And Scott throws items at her, food and an end crystal, and takes off his armour and Pearl and Scar aren't far behind...

Gem doesn't even get time to process. Pearl and Scar weren't far behind. She runs and fights and holds her own even in a 2v1, but it doesn't matter.

Gem is the new person. And she makes it all the way to 3rd, she's proud of that, should be proud of that. But she only thought of it as a fun murder game right up until Scott died. Sacrificed himself for her.

[ameriserve]

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[justinspoliticalcorner]

Emily Singer at Daily Kos:

President Donald Trump and co-President Elon Musk's cuts to the Social Security Administration's workforce and operations have caused massive problems for the popular social safety net program that 73 million Americans depend on to afford their basic cost of living. The Washington Post published a bombshell report on Tuesday, detailing the problems Musk has caused at the Social Security Administration through his so-called Department of Government Efficiency. From the report:

[The Social Security Administration website crashed four times in 10 days this month, blocking millions of retirees and disabled Americans from logging in to their online accounts because the servers were overloaded. In the field, office managers have resorted to answering phones at the front desk as receptionists because so many employees have been pushed out. But the agency no longer has a system to monitor customers’ experience with these services, because that office was eliminated as part of the cost-cutting efforts led by Elon Musk. […] The turmoil is leaving many retirees, disabled claimants and legal immigrants who need Social Security cards with less access or shut out of the system altogether, according to those familiar with the problems.]

The problems are thanks to a myriad of choices Musk has made to how the agency runs. The Social Security Administration plans to cut roughly 7,000 employees—or 12% of its workforce—which current and former Social Security officials say could make it impossible for the program to keep up with the needs of the tens of millions of Americans who receive and apply for benefits annually. “Everything they have done so far is breaking the agency’s ability to serve the public,” Martin O’Malley, who served as Social Security commissioner under former President Joe Biden, told The New York Times. Musk and his DOGE bros also changed the way recipients can verify their identities to the agency, nixing the ability to do so over the phone and requiring the elderly and disabled people who receive benefits to do it either online or in-person. That’s an incredible burden for a population that is not as computer literate as others. It could also burden recipients who live in rural areas or areas with poor internet access. Going in person would be even more of a burden since many elderly and disabled recipients cannot travel to offices—if they could even get an appointment.

A memo obtained by the newsletter Popular Information said the new identity-verification procedure would lead an additional 75,000 to 85,000 weekly visits to agency offices. In turn, that would lead to “longer wait times and processing times,” the memo said. Already, wait times for appointments can be more than a month. Musk has had it out for Social Security since his buddy Trump put him in charge of finding waste, fraud, and abuse in the federal government. Musk criticized the social safety net program as a “Ponzi scheme.” He lied that the program is rife with fraud—lies that have led eligible people to lose benefits. He also helped force out the acting Social Security administrator and replace him Leland Dudek, an unqualified hothead who has acted vindictively since taking over.

In just over two months of the Trump/Musk regime, Social Security is in dire peril.

See Also:

The Bulwark: Musk Slashes Social Security as Republicans Debate What a “Cut” Is

Robert Reich: Why Social Security is in the worst crisis since its 1935 founding, and what you can do about it

[jades-typurriter]

Secure Connection

As promised: more Posie!! I wrote this one toward the end of last Spring after a couple of conversations with friends regarding the malleability of digital bodies (as well as still having Many Thoughts about the way code can give them new compulsions, after writing something about Annie and a new taur-shaped chassis for a friend's Patreon). Enjoy reading about her dealing with a corporate-mandated "hardware" update!

CW: Genital TF, this is another one that's As About Sex as it can possibly be without being about sex

Posie sat, sulking—steaming, even—in her office. It was a small side room off of the main floor of IT personnel, system engineers, and other technical employees of her corporation. Much like a central server, it was placed for easy access to the department-wide administrative assistant, and much like a server room, it was snug, windowless, and awash with the calming drone and relaxing warmth of an array of exhaust fans. Though she was free to project herself nearly anywhere on the company’s campus, this was where her consciousness was housed, and where she felt most at home. It was also the only place she could get any damn privacy, a luxury that she was deeply grateful for at present.

A newly-downloaded file weighed on the back of the Renamon’s mind. More literally, it was somewhere in the racks of drives that made up her long-term memory, to and from which mission-critical information was transferred in the course of doing business. Had somebody asked where exactly the file was stored, she would have been able to list the specific drive and the exact directory address, but she had de-prioritized the allocation of her processing resources for the download. Once again, she had received an assignment from her superiors, and once again, she was hesitant. She may even have admitted to being recalcitrant. She resented the orders.

The package of data in question was an update for her own software, a suite of new tools to allow management to offload yet more menial tasks onto her in the name of “efficiency”. Forget that she could diagnose a software issue faster than any of the engineers could even open a remote connection to the malfunctioning device. Instead of allowing her to take the reins, they saw fit to divert more of her attention to the least impressive among talents, and the one she already put to use the most often: transferring data.

This wouldn’t have been much of a problem, ordinarily. After all, Posie resided in the beating heart of the network, the nexus through which the vast majority of information was sent and received. It could be… meditative. Parsing streams of ones and zeroes, overseeing the flow of packets, redirecting traffic to equally spread the load across modems and routers so as to optimize travel time. It could even have been considered relaxing, if a worker of her caliber needed to relax. Instead of offering her a vacation (pah!), however, the update felt more like it heralded a demotion, denying her even the ability to pluck like harpstrings the miles of copper and gold that lined her facility. She was expected to deliver this data on foot.

Management justified this humiliation with practical concerns: some information, much like the old records she was often tasked to dispose of, was so confidential that it could not be sent via wireless transmission. Even hardwired connections were too fallible for the likes of next-generation schematics and financial access keys—a single compromised workstation, or compromised worker, could spell the loss of the company’s upper hand in its market. She wasn’t even going to be afforded the dignity of carrying an external hard drive to the destination. That would require the slow and tedious process of physically moving from one place to the next; this was one of the only times that she regretted the freedom of movement that was so coveted by her flesh-and-blood peers.

With no room to make exceptions for security protocol, she gripped the edge of her desk, brow furrowing, eyes squinted shut in consternation. Eventually, she huffed, rose, and turned her attention to her “physical body”, summoning up the file in much the same way that one would approach a plate of food with a pungent odor. The Renamon steeled herself and began to more closely examine its contents. She read the raw code similarly to how one might read words on a page; however, where the turning gears of the organic mind would, almost unconsciously, conjure up an image as a result of those words, her mind kicked off a series of involuntary, autonomic processes.

Her body carried out the instructions on her behalf. Once she started, she had no control until she finally reached a stopcode; it was the nature of being a program herself that code had as much of an influence on her mind and body as her own thoughts, her own will. In opening the package, she reluctantly consented to the changes that management saw fit to make to her. It was better than the eventual forced-deadline sort of update that software companies were so keen on using nowadays, and at least choosing the time and place allowed her to make herself presentable again before having to face another person.

Having parts of her code—her very body—rewritten by the update was a strange sensation, not unlike having your thoughts dictated to you by an outside force. Stranger still was that she could feel the exact delineation between her previous self and the patches of… well, the patch. She could feel it quite strongly, as a matter of fact: beneath her skirt of simulated sky-blue fur, between her legs, she could feel her mesh being edited. Stretched. Reshaped. The vectors that made up the triangles of her wireframe soul were being rewritten, mathematically transformed. A shape began to protrude from the once-flat span at the bottom of her torso, at first round and indistinct, but quickly increasing in resolution.

The Renamon struggled to process the sensations as a long, slender connector began to take shape. This often happened with changes to her body plan; inputs streamed into her mind from directions, locations, that previously never sent any signals, and the new additions seldom had their sensitivity adjusted downward for her convenience. In this case, it was highly sensitive, delivering reams of data to the base of her skull just from brushing up against her own fur, or the gentle flow of air from the computers in her office. It made sense, given that it was supposed to be a high-capacity transfer tool, but she was too busy buckling at the knees and clutching at the desk behind her so she didn’t fall flat on her rear for the thought to occur to her.

Her processors demanded more cooling, kicking into high gear as they formatted the two new storage devices that accompanied the connector, tailor-made for packing confidential data as tightly as possible. The sound of whirring fans filled the room, stirring her fur and sending shivers up and down her back; she could only hope that the rushing exhaust made enough noise to drown her out, whimpering despite herself. The new drives were larger (and more unwieldy) than the ones that were built into her chest, much to her chagrin. She was forced to adjust her stance and her gait as she found her footing again, spreading her legs wider than she was accustomed in order to give them enough room.

The spinning in her head slowly settling down, she slowly began to compose herself once again, taking stock of the new additions. They were cumbersome, to be sure, and she lamented how they jutted out from her otherwise sleek form and burdened her with less-graceful posture. It didn’t even match her fur! The software engineers that had concocted the code had at least included one small mercy: a compartment for the connector to retract into, nestled in the fur above the storage drives. No such luck for the drives themselves. She supposed she would just have to adjust to walking with delicate hardware in tow. As she went to smooth her fur over her lap again, her paw recoiled away. Some kind of… static discharge was left in the fluff. A memory leak, perhaps? The fact that such a malfunction could be caused just from having the connector brush up against her fur appalled her, deepening her frustration even more. They couldn’t even test the update for bugs before shipping it out to her. She shook out her paw and finished arranging her skirt as best she could before working up the composure to finally leave her office.

Picking up the payload for which all this fanfare had been arranged was at least a quick, easy process. She stopped into the office of the manager that had assigned her the task; she offered a businesslike nod and, knowing that she was always itching to skip niceties in the name of saving time, he offered a straightforward wave at his personal terminal. She held a paw over the computer tower and, in the time it took for electricity to arc to her fingertip with a tinny zzzrt, she had already searched his directory for the relevant test files and copied them to the newly-installed drives. Wireless transfer, yes, but only technically. The engineers had specifically asked a member of another division, whose computer network wasn’t connected to their own; it was as though she had picked a folder up from his desk and walked out with it.

Moving the file was just as uneventful. It was far from the first time that she’d navigated the sprawling corporate property, and even if it were, the maps existed just outside the orbit of her thoughts, ready to be summoned to mind at a simple impulse. What she was not expecting, however, was the technician who was waiting in the server room to which she was asked to deliver the file. While she preferred to work in the isolation of rooms that were set aside specifically for hardware, she was far from unused to being in the presence of the other people responsible for maintaining the company’s systems. That said…

“Can I help you?” The Renamon icily asked.

“Oh, I don’t need anything! I’m just here to take notes on the transfer.” Her tone was cheery; evidently, she wasn’t aware how compromising the new additions were. “The time it takes, any obvious issues. I’ll be the one checking the files against the originals, too,” she concluded, hooking a thumb over her shoulder at a monitor behind her.

“I see,” Posie replied through gritted teeth. “You have clearance to see these files, then?”

“Well, they’re just dummy data, ma’am.” At least she was respectful.

“And the proprietary hardware I’ve been… equipped with?” she forced out, keeping her synthesized voice even.

“Oh, for sure I do. I designed it!”

Oh! she seethed. So she knows pre-cise-ly the position he’s put me in.

“Well. I suppose there’s no point in delaying things, then.”

“Ready when you are!”

With tense shoulders, she turned toward the server rack, eyes darting over it, searching for where exactly she was supposed to connect to the array. After glancing over the contents of each drive, she found the one she was supposed to copy the data into—deposit would be more apt, as it was her understanding that the files would be automatically flushed from her system—and found a port that would allow her to access it. Conveniently, it was around waist height. She wondered, crossly, whether that had been an intentional design decision by this engineer as well. As she looked at it, she felt a twinge from the connector; on its own, like a Bluetooth device automatically searching for signals, it slid itself out from its fuzzy little compartment.

Her skin was abuzz, and her fur stood on end. She couldn’t quite tell if it was coming from the connector itself, or if it was the feeling of the programmer’s eyes on her If she could take a deep breath, she would have then. Without any way to stall further, or to tell the leering young woman to take her test files and store them somewhere indecent, she simply pushed forward with dropping off the damned data.

The instant the connector grazed the metal of the port, lightning shot into it, through her body, and into her head, making it swim with electrical potential. A stuttering, lagging thought made its way to the surface of her mind: they really had overtuned the sensitivity. She stifled a gasp and suppressed the urge to lay into the engineer (electrons were eager to flow out of her even without proper alignment with the contacts in the port, and didn’t she know that discharge like that could damage a piece of hardware?!), willing her body to keep pressing the stupid connector into the socket.

Even as she tried to get it over with already, something in the back of her mind compelled her to draw back a bit. If she had been restraining herself from reprimanding the engineer for risking the hardware, then she should at least do it the service of ensuring she was properly aligned, shouldn’t she? She obliged the impulse, and the motion all at once became much jerkier, less controlled. The friction of the port against her connector was enough to send her tail snapping back and forth, and she could tell that the temperature in her own server’s room had risen by a fair few degrees. Back and forth, wiggling side to side, she continued to readjust and realign herself, driven by unfamiliar code and overwhelmed by the signals pouring into her. She lost herself in the task, forgetting herself, forgetting her surroundings, until finally the technician cleared her throat.

“Ma’am,” she ventured, blushing and wide-eyed. “What, um. What are you doing? You should just need to plug it in.”

“I’m.” Her interruption had snapped the Renamon back to reality. She was mortified, tail sticking straight out and back ramrod straight. Her cheeks burned mercilessly. “I’m calibrating the connection.”

“Calibrating?”

“Did you want your files transferred with or without corrupted and incomplete data?” She snapped, hoping that her authoritative tone would head off any debate. “Assign me experimental hardware and then ask me to be reckless with it, hm? Should I be taking notes to give to our superiors?”

“I—alright, I guess you can’t be too careful,” she stammered, sheepishly pressing her legs together. “That was even something I tried to work into the design, so, c-carry on?”

“Thank you,” Posie blustered, turning back to the server rack. She did so slowly, reluctantly relishing the feeling of sliding around within the socket. She allowed herself one or two more “practice” attempts, hoping that it wouldn’t arouse too much suspicion from the engineer. Ultimately, just like before, there was no use in continuing to stall, and when she was able to bring her body to a stop, the rational part of herself was eager to be done with this entire torrid affair.

With more force, she pressed the connector inward one final time, trembling as the latch began to press against the opening. Slowly, agonizingly slowly, she continued, overwhelmed by the volume of electricity surging into her. The latch gave, compressing as it continued to slide inside, until finally it clicked into place, securing her to the array of drives and finalizing the connection.

All at once, a torrent of data poured out of her, an electron tsunami that felt like it threatened to spill out of the socket in which she was hilted. More data was transferred in the span of a few seconds than she was used to consciously processing, having cultivated such skill in delegating and compartmentalizing with background processes. Once again, the world around her was utterly drowned out; the strength fled her legs, and she clung to the steel bar that reinforced the top of the server rack, threatening to topple the entire system. Her self-control abandoned her as well and, forgetting the engineer, she cried out with an airy, wild, distinctly foxlike yelp. She screamed in surprise, gasped at the deluge of information, moaned because there was no room left in her mind for thought to do anything else.

Quickly, the disks of the server rack had finished writing the files she had carried to them, and her own drives were thoroughly purged. In another building, the radiators serving her processors shed heat at their absolute limits, and fans worked overtime to bring her back within her safe operational range. As her overworked circuitry began to chug through the backlog of sensory information, the entire experience caught up with her—including the detail that this entire shameless display had been carried out in front of that underhanded little engineer. She blinked, hard, and whipped her head to face her. For as hot as her own ears felt, the young woman’s face appeared to be glowing even brighter.

“What. Was that.”

“Um—”

“I’m used to new adjustments requiring desensitization, or even adjustment on their gain,” she growled, voice low and eerily even. “But that was a bridge too far to just have been miscalibration. Why did you design it like that?”

“Well, y-you remember how I mentioned, um, having considered an early disconnection?” Posie’s frosty glare didn’t waver, so the tech continued, answering her own rhetorical question. “That was, uh, the safeguard. Against early disconnection. I, figured it’d just be easier to make it so you wouldn’t want to unplug—”

“Do you think you have the au-thor-ity to go making changes to my mind, young lady?!”

“I-I can roll back the update if you want—”

“I think you’ve done QUITE enough!” The Renamon declared, despite herself. Perhaps it was genuine distrust, or perhaps—perhaps she truly couldn’t tell which desires were her own, at the moment. This would require careful study of her own system files.

Another small click broke the silence following her outburst, and the dongle began to retract from the server’s port and back into Posie’s body. Now free to move around, she dusted and fluffed her skirt and leaned down to look the engineer in the eye.

“I trust that you can report to your supervisor that I performed to your expectations,” she hissed. “And that there will be no need for any further discussion of your little project.” The programmer nodded, eyes even wider than before—and cheeks even redder? The Renamon scoffed, sneered, and spun, storming out the door, already allotting time in her schedule for the next time that she would be called upon for such a delivery.

Utterly unsurprisingly, she had been correct in her assessment that her superiors would take every opportunity to save their organic employees’ time at her expense. Confidential deliveries became a regular part of her routine, and though she had great disdain for being reduced to a mere courier for so much of the workday, she insisted upon completing the task to her usual, lofty standards.

Posie was as prompt as she always was, dropping everything to ferry information between privileged parties, striving to reduce latency even in more analogue forms of communication. There was the occasional complaint about how long downloads took once she had finally arrived at her location, but she was quick to remind such impatient recipients that the decision to follow this protocol came from on-high, and that even for someone who worked as quickly as her, great care for the safety of the data was a corner that simply could not be cut in the name of rushing around.

She was as meticulous about ensuring proper alignment with the port, fine-tuning her contact with the wires within, as the first time she had experimented with the new tools, and complaints about noise from the server room were easily dismissed as the usual stress of supporting her formidable computational power. After all, she was often venturing out of the range of her home network, hosting herself entirely on the recipients’ systems; was she at fault when they couldn’t handle the information throughput they asked of her?

Once the deliveries had become more routine, and none of her peers bothered to check in when they felt it was taking too long or getting too noisy, she began to find enjoyment in the solitude of her work, just as with the other, admittedly more tedious, tasks she was expected to carry out. With fewer prying eyes to judge her performance, she could make herself more comfortable while handling transfers. She didn’t have to worry that anybody would walk in on her in the debased state she often found herself in while connected directly to a data center, leaning her full weight on the poor rack, tongue lolling out and chest heaving air to keep her cool. 

Then again, if somebody—especially that little technician who’d saddled her with these “upgrades”—wanted to question her efficacy, that was more than fine by her. Posie was a woman who prided herself in her work, and would seldom turn down a chance to demonstrate her first-rate hardware and unparalleled optimization. She would be more than happy to demonstrate just how quickly she could pump out information, and just how much throughput she was capable of.

Thank you for reading! If you want to see more of my work, you can check it out here and here!

[bigmilkymantatas]

You guys seem to have forgotten what fandom really IS. While I admit some people in this fandom are crazy mean and stuff, you guys have to realize that there will ALWAYS be toxic people in a fandom. I haven't seen that many "toxic" chnt fans, and you shouldn't let them ruin that for you anyway, you don't have to interact with the fandom. The Chnt fandom isn't "toxic" its just so small of a fandom that one or two bad people make the whole fandom look bad. The issue with the fandom is that it's still growing, every fandom goes through the process of toxicity and stubbornness and anger, that doesn't mean you should cut it out entirely. The only part of the fandom that REALLY sucks right now is Tumblr, but that's just the way it is with most fandoms. Tumblr is a fandom space where most fandoms develop.

Leaving the fandom because of a few bad apples isn't the answer, every fandom goes through an era where people will draw the characters "wrong" and then in later years people look back at how cringy they were. And stop yelling at younger teenagers for listening to camp here and there. The fandom is so small you cannot afford to scare people off.

"oh but Chnt is 16+!!!" I've seen more mature 13 year olds in this fandom than I've seen mature adults. Stop gatekeeping, they aren't hurting anyone, sure they shouldn't join the official server because it's 16+ but gatekeeping is stupid. Do you not want Blue Mayfield to get listeners? Queer kids have VERY limited spaces and representation and camp here and there is PERFECT for that.

Stop whining about how much you hate the fandom because that just contributes to discourse and toxicity, instead just ignore the toxic people and create your own happy space where we can all learn to love and appreciate this beautiful work of art created by Mayfield. A fandom wont stop being toxic because nice people are leaving it. A fandom wont stop being toxic unless you contribute to making it a safe space.

Thank you for listening to my yap session

[glitter-stained]

Some advice to protect and support your brain

1. Wear a helmet. Please.

2. I know this must feel exhausting to see repeated if it's something you struggle with, but exercise really does help, in any capacity you can do it. Go for a walk, do a light routine, anything you can. Ask your doctor, look on the internet, if you can figure out a way to do something that works for you and doesn't feel like the nastiest chore in the world I encourage you to try it, at any frequency you can afford.

3. If you get a concussion, even a light one, go to the hospital. If the hospital doesn't orient you towards a neuropsychologist for an evaluation, insist on seeing one, and if they still fail at their job, go see a neuropsychologist in private. (Again, I know this sucks because it's expensive and not affordable for everyone depending on where you live and I'm sorry, this is the best I can give.) Same thing if you got hit in the head, didn't feel like it had consequences at the time, but have since been experiencing struggles with remembering stuff, impulsivity, etc. In general if you've experienced cognitive changes I encourage you to see a neuropsychologist but if you remember getting hit in the head, do mention it to them. Also, do monitor yourself for potential epilepsy, check what the signs are (they can be much less visible than you think), if you think there's a risk make a card to let people know what to do. If you think there's a risk you might have developed epilepsy after the hit, go back to the hospital, and while explaining your concerns mention that you got hit in the head.

4. Do stuff. Look, there are so many experiments and studies about how juggling helps the brain, or music, or knitting, or writing, or learning a language, or gardening, or. So of course I could just tell you to do all of that with a list of studies and be done with it, but it would be pointless. A lot of cognitive remediation programs based on these studies fail because what happened is a therapist who liked piano saw a study on the benefits of playing the piano and shoved all their patients into a piano therapy group. People, whether they're patients with brain damage or you, random tumblr user, have tastes and you do not have to force yourself to learn a new language or whatever pop psych instagram account tells you is the newest brain-hack. It's much more simple than that: your brain grows when you use it, and that creates extra padding that protects you in the case of trauma, injury, but also the effects of aging and the risk of neurodegenerative diseases such as Alzheimer's. (Well, it's not literal padding, the term is "cognitive reserve", but I think the metaphor is pretty accurate.) So try out shit: board games, reading (audiobooks are also a really cool and undervalued invention like this shit is wonderful), learning a new language (comics or watching stuff in the language helps make that fun), juggling, memorising the dsm-5 criteria for every type of disorder, get into comics, learn an instrument, get into baking, explode your microwave in the process of making raw cookie dough, try being around animals (horseback ballad at a ranch go to a cat cafe etc), learn how to dance from YouTube tutorials... Do whatever you want, figure out what's fun, try to avoid ideas of shame at not being immediately good or the idea that it's childish (it's not immature to have fun, i promise.) And give yourself permission to give up. This isn't an assignment, you don't have to push yourself, explore yourself with the energy of a fourteen years old figuring out how they want to dress: what matters is you find a bunch of stuff you find fun.

5. Socialization is really good for you, both for your cognitive functions but also in general for your mood, resources etc (and also all of those are linked). Whether it's a rpg group, an association you're at, even like people on a discord server, meeting friends on zoom, being a regular at quiz night at the club, trying to connect to people in any way you can really helps. I know it's hard, especially for people who struggle with stuff like autism, anxiety, etc. but building connection with other people, in whatever way works for you, really helps improve your quality of life.

6. Again, I may sound a bit like the doctor you want to punch in the face, but a diet full of all the vitamins and protein and general nutrients you need really helps. And honestly whatever way works for you getting these nutrients helps. I often get b-12 deficient because I struggle with the texture of most meats, so I try to eat eggs and sometimes as a kid my mom would put my steak in a blender and my doctor sometimes prescribes me b-12 supplements so I don't faint: that's what a healthy diet looks like for me. And I know exactly what b-12 deficiency does to the brain, so I use those strategies to incorporate it in my diet because I like the memory issues about as much as I like light-headedness and fatigue. (This also works for diets like veganism or gluten free or literally anything. A healthy diet isn't one where you have to eat every food, it's one where you get the nutrients you and your brain needs, and if that involves taking supplements then that's what's healthy for you.) Eating carrots in carrot cake or zucchini in brownie (getting creative with it) or eating premade soup because you want to eat vegetables but don't have the time or struggle with the texture or really hate vegetables and need them to be in a cake where you don't really taste them- that's what a healthy diet looks like. There's a lot of strategies about eating around sensory issues or restrictions and I'm not an expert but like, the ressources are out there. Keeping hydrated is also really important! Similarly, for people who struggle with water, flavouring packets and teas really help!

7. Sleep is so important. Like, to the point it makes diagnosis harder because lack of sleep fucks up everything from mood to cognitive functions to development so if your patient isn't sleeping, good luck figuring out what they have. So talking to your doctor if you have trouble sleeping, working on designing a bedtime routine that helps you, working to reduce nightmares with your therapist, all of that is super important... And don't underestimate the usefulness of napping! Napping rules.

Now, you may have notice that everything in this list (except maybe the helmet one, though these things do cost money) is easier if you have money. I manage some of the items on that list, but don't assume that I am preaching: more often than not, my diet is the cheapest ramen noodles I can find, and I sleep 4 to 5 hours a night.

That's because neuropsychology, like any form of psychology, is inherently political. It's better wages and union rights to have the time and money to afford eating the diet you need and spending time and money on activities and group outings etc. It's equality in the household so you don't have to spend all the time you do have on taking care of all the chores and kids and never getting to enjoy anything or rest. It's, of course, universal healthcare so you can go to the hospital after you get hit in the head and get those scans and EEG go see that neuropsychologist and meet that therapist and get your doctor to prescribe you medicine that works rather than the medicine your dumbfuck insurance company thinks you should fail. It's good food regulations so that you designing a healthy diet can be about getting the nutrients you need and not avoiding getting poisoned by the food you spent your damn money on. It's all of that and more; it's defending your rights, and fighting for those you don't have. So this is all the advice I have, do your best to be kind to yourself, and I hope you have a wonderful year.