#As much as I try and am a queer woman I grew up in a small rural town and have interacted with few trans ppl

[evergreen-femme]

i honestly hate the trans girl narrative that we were all always women no questions full stop. i get why it needs to exist and like i won't break the orthodoxy right now but to be honest that isn't really my experience. i was a boy who really desperately wanted to be a "girl" growing up, whatever that meant to me. now, i am a woman but i'm still that boy inside - he's my inner child. it may not be the nicest truth but it's my reality. it's immensely sad. but i need to acknowledge him if im ever going to have a sense of continuity in my life. so yea that's what the femboy stuff has been all about and why it feels so completely healing for me. its hot too yeah i know but i feel like i need to explain that it has a much deeper meaning to me than that as a "fetish." it's literally the narrative of my life, and me being happy enough with the results of my transition on a more or less every day basis to try and acknowledge and embrace the part of me i've always been the most ashamed of.

and also im really afraid of people saying shit because of this like "you aren't really a woman and you definitely aren't a lesbian!" bc i am still a woman. my adult self is a woman. acknowledging my womanhood meant acknowledging the 17 years of my life i spent fully dissociated from my body or any real sense of self, which was a terrifying thing to do that i think a lot of people would lack the courage for. and my lesbian and especially femme identity (to me, i'm a femme first, and a lesbian second) is incredibly important to my sense of womanhood. i had to embrace my womanhood to grow up, basically, and i delayed that for way too long. WAY too long. but i was still existing during that waiting time and i'm not going to just throw away 17 years of my life because it doesn't make sense to dumbass queer discoursers. i'm a boy who grew up into a woman. ppl like me do exist.

[mzminola]

Sometimes I worry that I bring up disabled woman of color protagonist with disabled woman mentor for why I like Batgirl 2000 so much. Like, am I being too reductive? Too 'diversity points' ticky box about it?

But I know I do the same with a work having well-written queer characters too. That I am super excited about Tim being canonically queer. And it doesn't feel reductive for that aspect, so...

Disability isn't just a a random trait painted on top of everything else in Batgirl 2000; Cass's language disability is intricately structured into the story. You do not get her story without it. She would be a completely different character without it.

The way she struggles with learning to read & write is one of the best uses of the "return to status quo" issue superhero comics are bound by I've ever seen. Cass is an incredibly skilled fighter, who is in a field where that's important. She's also a teenager. She has something she's good at, and something she's bad at, and it pisses her off. It frustrates her. She wants to be good at this, but it's hard for her in ways it isn't hard for most people, so she keeps cycling through get inspired to try, try, get too frustrated, give up, get inspired to try again.

I grew up with undiagnosed ADHD. I don't struggle with the exact same thing Cass does, but the way she struggles was incredibly familiar.

I also grew up with asthma; I'm never going to run across rooftops the way the Bats do. The way Barbara Gordon used to. She doesn't, anymore, she has a different physical disability than I do, but it gives us some things in common, and Oracle is one of the most terrifying vigilantes in DC, not just Gotham.

Babs' paraplegism isn't as obviously central to Batgirl 2000, no one brings it up directly much, but she's also a supporting character, not the protagonist. And the art takes it into account for panel layout, for her posing and actions. And you know it's underlying a lot of her mentorship with Cass; understanding her frustration, encouraging her to find value in herself outside a narrow field, fighting Bruce to give Cass a full life, where vigilantism is one aspect of it, not the entire thing.

Batgirl 2000 is so fucking good, you guys, and I don't think I've ever seen anything else like it.

[cleolinda]

I’m not sure if I just came out in my user bio? Did people know? I think I’ve mentioned it in passing elsewhere a couple of times; I am not fully out IRL (red state). Just out here trying to be a gentle woodland wlw creature, mostly.

I Figured Some Things Out very late in life. Like, I don’t think I knew until 2014-2015ish, so I would have been about 36 then (I’m about to turn 44. Am I old enough to be your mom? Maybe?). I remember spending about a year seriously questioning what I thought I knew about myself and then really knowing it, being glad about it, shortly before the Obergefell decision dropped: marriage equality in the US.

And I’ll tell you—why am I telling you this? Why now? I don’t know. Because of what happened in Colorado yesterday? Because a big family gathering with people who don’t know who I am, who might say ignorant shit, will happen in a few days? I don’t know. There’s a lot I don’t know.

I know more than I knew ten years ago. I spent my whole life feeling like there was something terribly wrong with me. Then I came to realize I was bisexual (and also on the spectrum, but that’s a story for another time) and I felt so much peace? Just so much peace. There wasn’t anything wrong with me at all; not knowing myself was what was wrong.

This is a lot to say and I’m not sure why I’m saying it.

Actually Tumblr helped me figure that, oddly enough. Maybe that’s why I want to say it, if I’m coming back to post here, because it—you—helped me so much. (I’ll go find some of the posts, they’re probably buried in Pocket somewhere.) The reason I would want to talk about it, really, is to be a middle-aged woman saying that sometimes it takes this long. It’s okay to not figure things out for a long time, to not be sure, to take as long as you need, and for the balance of your attractions, your loves, to shift back and forth. I’ve always been bi—we can talk about youthful impressions of romance novel covers some other time—but I only had in-person crushes on boys for much of my life. (Or did I? What about the kind, pretty cheerleader I grew up with but was too shy to say much to? I feel like being neurodivergent is partly why it was hard to figure out.) And now it’s like, women, enbies and Hozier. It’s confusing. You wouldn’t think sexuality be like that, but it do.

(Bi? Pan? See, this is why I like “wlw,” women loving women. Does what it says on the tin. The embracing inclusive “queer.” But I know that word has painful baggage for some people. I feel like it’s a word that brings me peace—it has room for me to change and grow—but it doesn’t for everyone.)

I feel like I missed out on a lot, the connections I could have made in the years I didn’t know, but I don’t regret knowing now. Watching (and voting in) the midterm elections, seeing what happened yesterday at a place that was supposed to be safe—it makes me want to live queer as hell. I don’t know if I can do that offline yet. And I think that’s okay too, to do what you can, be who you can, in the places you can, and protect yourself everywhere else. Especially now.

I don’t know. I meant to write like three sentences about this. Is it sappy to say that I’m thankful? I can’t tell everyone—just, uh, the internet—but I know, and that means the world to me.

[kiefbowl]

Everytime I say to myself "im bisexual" i get this sense of deep guilt, and i just feel like crying flor some reason.

I know im not straight and i know im not a lesbian so the only logical conclusion is that I'm bi but i just dont feel like I am? I also dont feel like I'm allowed to have these feelings of struggle because i see people online say women are prtending to be bi for queer points so i feel like I'm overreacting you know.

Everytime I think of myself being in a relationship with a woman i feel a deep sense of shame.

I feel guilty like im a monster you know. I grew up in a homophobic country and only moved out like 3 years ago so i think maybe thats why ? Idk im just lost. I see people online just like being super happy about being lgb and im like why am I struggling? Im not supposed to feel this way. I feel like a fraud.

I was outed, kind of, I mean I wanst even sure i was bi but she told everyone and like my friends started behaving differently towards me and idk I just well first of all why did she tell people?? I didnt even know if i was into women i just wanst sure i wanted to make sense of it first i felt exposed in a way(dont worry my uni was chill so no physical harm or anyhting like thta)

Like that was my thing!! It was my fukcing thing and you don't get to tell people about it . Why did she do that. I know its not a big deal but now like if you ask me if im out i would say no ? Like no one knows im bi here in this new country.

Im rambling.

I have never said the word "im bisexual" out loud like ever

I'm going to give you permission about something you haven't specifically asked for, but in my wisdom I'm going to grant you this permission:

You don't have to know.

It's okay! You've moved, you're young, you're getting away from homophobia and finding new kinds of homophobia...that's too much stress, just stop worrying about it. So you don't know today, who cares? You'll figure it out. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in 50 years.

If it's causing you this amount of stress, and if all the voices of all these people in your head causing you doubt, then you aren't allowing yourself to discover by simply living. You're becoming a police officer in you head, and you're navel gazing as a form of punishment, and let me tell you, even if you were straight as ruler that wouldn't help you find love and fulfillment.

You're sexual orientation is something natural within you. So whatever feels natural, that's the truth of the matter. If you are trying to attack this as a thinking problem that needs solving, you just won't get there. Go out and party, go out and enjoy people's company, go set life goals and focus on them...and one day when you're not thinking about it you will meet someone you can't deny is the most lovely, beautiful person in the whole world and all you want to do is kiss them. And then you'll know.

This is about no one else but you. This is your sexual orientation, this is your life, and you don't need a peanut gallery weighing in. Fire your shitty friends if you have to. If people ask, you can say "I'm figuring it out" or even flat out say "that's none of your f*cking business." Or, if you want to be funny, pretend you have a very selective hearing problem.

Prioritize the things that you know are fulfilling you right now, and all the stuff you don't know yet will come back around in due time. This is true of love as it's true of everything else we obsess about. You don't have to know everything about yourself to be a good person.

Good luck, sis. Have fun smooching cuties, studying seriously, and enjoying the sun.

[d-rxse]

So I know @m0ngrxl told you I'm attempting a mafia romance...this isn't persè the Queer aspect but it is a one shot of one of the couples in the series. Don't hesitate to give creative criticism!

______________________

Klaus' POV

I wonder if she's already asleep, I thought to myself as I ascended the stairs to my...our bedroom. It was our bedroom now. She would share my name and bed from now on. The thought scared me, the thought of how quickly I had to adjust to our situation. How we could not fall for each other under regular circumstances. I couldn't woo her with fancy dates or a view of my favorite spots in London. No instead we-I fell for her under our current circumstances. The one in which she is the mother of my child. A daunting circumstance but one we would have to learn how to work with.

When I arrived at the door to our room it was slightly open, but enough for me to notice the lamp on the bedside table was still on. Typical forgetful Dwyn. She was probably reading and fell asleep. I could just imagine the scene I most probably am about to walk into. A sleeping beauty with her hair sprawled around her like a halo, and the book laying on her chest where it would've fallen. I smiled to myself, opening the door trying not to make too much of a noise, but to my surprise there she sat on the bed, her back facing the door and obstructing me from seeing her beautiful face.

"Dwyn?" I called out, confused as to why she wasn't asleep, I mean it was already past twelve. "Farfallina, I'm home!" I called again and this time she turned towards me. And to my surprise and shock she was crying. Tears ran down her face like a never-ending stream and all I could do was stand in my spot frozen. I couldn't move. How was I meant to comfort her? Did she get hurt? Is she lacking something? "Farfallina," I whispered again.

This time she looked up at me from her spot on the bed, yet the way her eyes glistened didn't make me feel any calmer. I wish I could decipher her emotions right now. Find the source of her pain and remedy it, but I couldn't. I didn't know how. Instead, I stood there, and eventually after I had composed my thoughts and myself, I asked her, "What is wrong my love?" She stared at me a while after the question. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest even though my posture said otherwise. Every passing second, she stared at me I grew more nervous.

After what seemed like an eternity, she took a shaky breath easing some of the tense silence in the room. I looked at her in anticipation waiting for her to speak. More time began to pass, I noticed her hand clenching onto the bedding, and this time it wasn't due to pleasure but rather pain.

"Am I trapping you?" She asked her voice was straining, almost as if it was painful for her to utter those words. "What?" Shock now consuming me worse than when I saw sorrow plague her, she could never trap me, never, not in my wildest dreams would she be my captor. No. I should rather ask her that question. "Klaus," she began taking another breath in to most probably stop her tears and even out her voice. "We both know you have some of the most beautiful women at your beck and call. You certainly would never settle for someone as simple as me." She paused her grip on the bedding now tightening even more and her other hand moving to the baby bump, caressing it, how could she think that? That she is too simple for me, I should be lucky to even have her in my life.

"If you feel you are obligated to take care of me just because I am carrying your child, I want you to know that you aren't. I'll talk to Toby, he has to have calmed down enough by now, and once I do, we can decide whether you pay child support and see your baby on occasion or vice versa. I don't want to stop you from falling in love with the perfect woman." She spoke, now staring at the bump, where she was carrying my-our child. The result of our passion, the result of the love I have for her. Every word she uttered felt like a stab wound to my heart, I would not allow her to walk away from me.

I walked towards her, forgetting how I wasn't good with words, because she didn't need my words, she needed my comfort, my affirmation that she was not in fact trapping me. I sat next to her, taking her small, soft hands in one of my big ones. My other hand caressing her cheek, wiping away stray tears that she let fall. God was she the most beautiful woman I have seen in my life. "Farfallina," I whispered, "don't you ever think you or our baby are a trap, you both are far from it. God, darling if you only knew how much you mean to me, it is something not even my words can describe." It was true. My love and care for her was far more than just a few inferior words it was more than an action could describe but it was what I knew best. I tipped her chin up towards me and brought her soft lips to mine, making sure to pour all my love into it.

It was a soft, slow kiss, different to our previous kisses, a far more intimate gesture I had never given to any other woman, but Dwyn, this amazing woman, the mother of my child, this smart woman, she brought out this side to me, and I hope that this simple kiss can express that. After what felt like the shortest eternity I lived she pulled away, her shaky breaths now turned breathless. "Farfallina, never think any other woman is deserving of my care, it is you and only you, okay?" I spoke, and she nodded and this time she smiled, I could tell that relief flooded her, as her shoulders relaxed, and she leant her forehead on my shoulder, my hand stroking her back. This woman would be the death of me.

[maxinemartinsdrill]

spn women I have strong feelings about:

1. ROWENA ROWENA ROWENA. Rowena will get CRAZYYYYY interesting backstory dropped in various episodes and ppl just ignore it. like she grew up poor and when she had Crowley she was miserable and alone and she despised him for it because she needed to be strong and he felt like a weakness to her. and then she spends years fleeing witch hunts running around Europe and she finally grasps some level of power to find security because magic is her way out magic is her strength etc etc. and we first see her killing pimps and then helping those girls and then punishing them for lacking the strength she wants to see in them. like is she a nice person? absolutely not. but the reasons for her desperation to hold onto power are SO SOS SO COMPELLING. ppl would be allllllll over her if she were a man I mean that so sincerely.

AND THEN. She meets the Winchesters and they keep kidnapping her and she gets thrown into all this shit with Lucifer and she's not as strong as she thought she was. she's not strong enough to be safe. but the she gets to know Sam better and she finally gains the levels of power she's sought of angling for as well as some of the emotional security because he's vulnerable with her and he gets it a little bit. and she can let herself be bit more vulnerable and she can open herself up to feeling more than just scared or vengeful. the fact that when she's safe she will let herself love people??? excellent. like her becoming less evil to me is wayyyyy more interesting than the way spn does this a lot of the time and it feels rly fucking authentic.

AND EVERYTHING AFTER THA IS GREAT AS WELL. her trying to decide where she stands morally, admitting she did awful things to herself and getting on with it, only being able to love her son after he's dead, bequeathing Sam everything she had after she died. LIKE THERES SO MUCH THERE. and obligatory Lucifer trauma mention because samwena Lucifer trauma bonding was what got me back into spn and into Sam in the first place.

2. BILLIE. singing oh death in the hospital. holding Rowena while she completely loses itm she is THEE benevolent death to me. I love the fact shs one of the only characters who banters with Dean on his level of strange anachronisms. Love how when she was reaping him she was debating whether to tell him sam was still alive. possibly I am just obsessed with her because for once they gave a woman interiority in a way that wasn't inherently evil (like she wasn't portrayed as a saint for it but it was like just business) and then s15... At least 75% of my hatred of the cas confession comes from the fact they made Billie 'evil' in order to set it up.

3. Mary.... ohhhhhh mary. More about the implication than anything else - 'they couldn't stand each other at first but by the time we were done with them...' truly awful. the way she tries her whole life to get away from hunting and runs right back into it. and she comes back to deeply troubled children who she is expected to parent without having any idea of how to do this because she does not know them. and she's a mother to them not mary.

4. bela talbot :(( you're dying. And utterly alone. and you died to free yourself and you've been running and running your entire life but you can't run any longer. and there's someone on the phone, maybe the only person who can understand you. you're similar and he may as well be the only person left in the world. and then he calls you a bitch and says you deserve to die. and you get ripped apart by dogs and tortured for the rest of eternity.

5. KELLY KLINE!!!!!!!!! craziest mf on the show istg. again do I think the writers were trying to do anything serious with her? No. BUT THE IMPLICATIONS. like as I have rambled about before she is insanely republican and Christian pregnant with the antichrist AND on the run with a queer fallen angel who went on a blasphemous murdering homophobes and republicans spree a couple of years back. she is overwhelmingly positive despite this possibly because she is completely divorced from reality due to her bizarre politics (how to have an affair with the president in a god honouring way is it morally wrong to get an abortion if the fetus is the devil etc). and for some reason she is convinced that jack will save the world which is so fun!!!! I also really enjoy the fact that most of her bizarreness was left to be implied because it allows us to see her as a normal person doing her best in an awful situation and empathise with her. Despite the fact that they could have easily made her a full blown lady Jessica type (i don't know enough about dune to say if this is right) with the whole magical pregnancy manipulative religious delusions/cult type thing going. which would have still been interesting but also lacked depth in places. here they just tell you shes absolutely ridiculous and then have her interact completely normally despite the abnormal circumstances. which (accidentally???) gives her a lot going on. also the bit where she meets jack in heaven and realises he's dead the 'cas said he would look out for you' one of if not the most devastating line in late seasons spn not even joking.

honorary mentions:

Amara :))) literally 90% if when she is on screen I am unconvinced however gimme shelter was sooooooo good. SHES A FEMINIST!!! OBLIGATORY SHOUT OUT TO THE WIRE MOTHER CLOTH MKTHER DEAN AMARA POST

[bengiyo]

Marahuyo Project Eps 3 & 4 Stray Thoughts

Last time, we met King, our out queer activist, whose family moved him to Marahuyo after he was expelled from his high school for making out with his friend and then knocking down the dean. Here, on an island with only 12 hours of electricity a day, King finds himself with little queer community and so decides to build it himself. He bonded with Venice, a trans girl in his class, to build an LGBTQIA+ organization in their school. Unfortunately, he must get the approval of the student council president and then the board. King believes the president is his enemy, but it’s clear these two are vibing. We’re also detecting queers all over the place, particularly Lorena and Lili. I’m having a blast to finally be back in the Philippines and to have a show not in the bubble.

Episode 3: Sidapa At Bulan

I’m getting really sad for Ino. I grew up in a city, and so as I started to figure out myself I was able to go online and express that. All he can do is write his letters to the cosmos and the gods and leave them on a rotting boat.

I am so happy for Venice that she has a friend. She’s clearly resurging out of her shell.

OOF, this eye contact scene.

Wow, Lili is smart enough to make sure they’re actually alone in the bathroom before having a serious conversation.

That’s right, Lorena, you take the time to figure out what queerness means to you.

Omg are we faking distress now??

CPR could actually break his ribs, so this is probably a terrible idea.

I’m glad they didn’t touch lips like this.

Okay, that tongue in cheek moment was something else. Holy shit.

I’m a fan of the plan to write letters back to Ino!

I bet it was Ino who vandalized the mural. This mermaid thing is too specific to the people of Marahuyo.

Marco, STFU. This is not about you! Lorena is standing up for her friend! FFS!

I always feel so much for people like Lorie in the community. Lorie never intended to come out, but she did to protect someone else in her community with a show of solidarity. I also came out because I didn’t want to hurt a woman I admired and respected a lot.

Archie and Venice were definitely close before. He knows way too much about her, and is constantly trying to protect her.

I do love how plain the politics of this show are. Drawing the comparison of people wanting to defend Ino’s family and reputation with the lack of defense for King and his friends is a strong note. It’s especially potent because Ino seems to have serious angst about his family’s reputation.

I love the notes exchange. Ino is smart, and definitely suspects that he’s actually writing to King. This is such a great way for him to work up his courage and comfort.

Episode 4: Santelmo

Wow. Cutting his hair while King was asleep is so, so violent.

King, please do not embarrass yourself IN A BARBERSHOP!

The barber may have done a good job with the haircut, but I’m still mad about his mom cutting his hair.

King is correct. Ino is way more attractive when he’s experiencing joy or amusement.

I love Venice. She came over to call out King on his bullshit and then immediately started teasing.

It’s 2024! We all verse now!

Okay, Lorie, that’s so difficult. I had wondered about her reactions whenever her dad came up in discussion.

Oh no. Does Venice know who died by the beach in the Santelmo story?

Oh ho, we’re sitting on a log on the beach and talking about love. I really love the way Adrian turns to the camera as King.

I actually love that King as a character is jaded about love. He’s not building an organization because he’s looking to smash or for love. He’s building it because he believes in community for people like him.

That being said, he’s so ridiculous about Ino.

COUPLE KEY CHAINS ALREADY??

Do we have any fans from the Philippines watching on Tumblr? I’d like some additional linguistic context about the ‘mermaid’ term. Getting the sense that Ino’s dad left for a queer relationship.

King’s shirt looks even gayer during this splashing scene.

They let these boys ride the bike themselves at night? Brave choices from this production team.

Wow, an even gayer crop top.

This grief scene was devastating.

Archie, dude, you’re killing me. You lost one trans friend. Why shove the other away like this?

Yeah, the mom basically just told Ino, “Don’t be gay.”

Um, I’m really fucking nervous about someone approaching the boat with a fucking torch.

I am absolutely in love with this show. I love that for all the posturing that there’s no queerness on Marahuyo, we now know of multiple characters who are either queer or closely related to queer people. It’s been so long since we’ve seen a show where the characters have expressed their feelings for each other in roundabout ways but won’t say it openly, and that not feel like shit. Everyone who’s seen them together can see what’s happening. I’m so nervous for Ino. I love that King is being patient with him without diminishing himself or his goals. I’m going to be thinking about Lorie abandoning the safety of heteronormativity and the closet to stand beside other queers, and also about Venice having to constantly defend hers and Christina’s names to their former best friend.

[lily-alphonse]

OKAY ONE MORE RAREPAIR FROM ME but I feel like I had to send you Gus+Elliott / Gulliott /CookBook :>

COOKBOOK OUR BELOVED

THANK YOU I'M DYING TO INFODUMP ABOUT THIS ONE

I would write an entire longfic for these two if I had the time. I have such messy ideas. CW mention of eating disorder, religious trauma, trans issues (Elliott has had a hard life ok thats why we're giving him happiness)

OK SO

Elliott Backstory (aka all of my insane Elliott headcanons)

Elliott is trans FTM, originally named 'Emma' in a religious family so past is MESSY and traumatic ✨

Begged to go to bible college and was given money for it and just disappeared, using the money to make it to the city (and maybe also top surgery, either way he's had top surgery by the time he makes it to Pelican Town)

Slowly established a new life in the city doing whatever work he could and living as a man now

Always hated the city though and wanted something more rustic to chase his dreams of being a writer

Finally took the plunge when he turned 30 and had a bit of a crisis about it, basically like yeah it's great to be myself now but am I really, when I am crushed by the monotony of the city?

Like he was working so much to try to afford his shitty apartment and testosterone he didn't even have any friends

Also he's anorexic did I mention that lol he does not have a healthy relationship with food. Hates having to stop working to eat, hates cooking, has body dysmorphia for multiple reasons alright

Gus Backstory Using the same backstory from the Gus/Willy rarepair post, he grew up in the city. Part of the down-low queer scene, he had a few boyfriends. A couple of them felt like they could have been true love until reality hit, and there was nothing true about it. He found love in his passions instead, in cooking and found family in a place where life moved slower. Let's make him older like 40s (teehee age gap my beloved STOP I know I'm making it messier deal with it they're both fully adults whatever! I actually headcanon him being in his early 50s so this is already a compromise)

It takes some time for them to properly meet, because Elliott's ID still has his deadname. (He hasn't had the money to do all the legal work to change it and/or he just legally can't change it without a full sex change. But either way his ID still shows him as being a woman.) He could hope that the saloon owner is cool and won't require ID, it is a small town after all. The anxiety over it is enough to keep him away from the saloon for several months after moving there though. He keeps to himself until he can't, because he's started making friends and they wonder why he won't join them for a drink at the saloon.

He makes an excuse that he doesn't really like to drink even though he most definitely does, but Willy argues that he can always just come for the food. Gus is a great cook after all. The thought of food not from the gas station, that he doesn't have to cook himself, is appealing.

In a realization of his worst nightmare, Gus does need to see his ID. Elliott tries to make an excuse but it starts to get awkward. He swallows his fear and gives it to him with a slight tremor in his hand. There's a clear moment of hesitation on Gus' part where he stares at it, but then it's as if nothing happened, the smile back on his face and he hands the ID back to him facedown.

Elliott wants to cry. From relief, from terror, he doesn't know. All of it. The last thing he wants is to be outed in this place that had started to feel like home for once. He gets super wasted to try to deal with it, and stays in his cabin for days waiting for the fallout. The gossip. The world to come crashing down on him. But it doesn't.

Actually the only thing that comes is a knock at the door a few days later. To Elliott's embarrassment, it's Gus. He brushes his hair in a hurry and plasters a smile on his face to answer the door.

Gus seems a little shy, which isn't like him. Gus is bubbly and talkative, usually. But maybe he's just hot from the walk. And the takeout bag in his hands.

"Hello Gus."

"Hi Elliott, um, I hope this isn't a bad time..."

"No, how can I help you?" Elliott leans against the doorway in what he hopes is a casual, unaffected manner. Gus steals furtive glances at Elliott's neck, his hands.

He definitely glanced. Why would he glance?

Gus is gay. Oh my Yoba Gus is gay.

"I was hoping to catch you in the saloon but I haven't seen you since the other night and uh.. I just want to let you know you're safe with me -- here, I mean, you're safe, here. You have friends here."

Elliott is overcome with a myriad of emotions and for once, most of them good. But he is incredibly torn on whether to pull at this thread that has Gus stuttering. It has been a long time since he's had someone so cute in his clutches. But he packs that away for now, letting the relief through instead.

"Thank you. That means a lot, actually... would you like to come in?"

AND THEN they fall in love and its a little messy because they both have their own hangups to overcome but they are so good together because Elliott has a facade up with the rest of the world and wants everyone to like him but goes about it the wrong way, and Gus wears his heart on his sleeve and everyone does love him but he also struggles with setting boundaries and self-love. And they'd have some fights about food but Gus would come to understand his limits and work with him and show him cooking can be fun and everything, GUYS IM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM IM SO NORMAL (not hyperventilating at all, very casual)

Send me any Stardew Valley rarepair and I will tell you how I would make them work! (Even non-marriage npcs) If youre lucky you may get a mini fic out of it. Check the list below to see if Ive already answered yours

Rarepair Masterlist

[akajustmerry]

Hello. Can I respectfully ask you as someone who's from a country where we don't know or talk much about lgbt+ identities, why so many female born people identify as nonbinary instead of saying 'I'm a woman but I don't fit into nor do I want to fit into traditional gender roles/expectations'? Sorry if I said something not politically correct and you don't even have to answer this question but I'd appreciate if you did because I'm trying to understand this as a feminist lesbian woman and as someone who's speaking a language that doesn't have gendered pronouns and is very confused about all of this. It feels a bit like people rejecting their womanhood which is understandable but very sad to me as I've always found tomboys/butches/gender-confonforming women absolute badasses. I know being nonbinary has something to do with not feeling like a woman but I have never felt like a woman either... it's just something I am. I understand that some people have gender dysphoria. Is that the case with nonbinary people too?

hello ❤️ I'll start by saying that I can't speak for all nonbinary people, nor am I an expert in queer gender studies. I'm just speaking from my experience as a nonbinary person who grew up assigned female.

so, the simplest answer to the question of why assigned female people come out as nonbinary instead of living as butch/gnc women is because they are not women. similarly, if you asked a trans man why he wants to live as a man instead of living as a masculine woman, the answer is also because he is not a woman. in another way, it's like asking a lesbian why they won't just be with feminine men, the answer is because they're a lesbian.

non-binary people, whether assigned male or assigned female, have lots of reasons why we come out as nonbinary. many nonbinary people do experience dysphoria and many medically transition, and there are also many who don't do either. it's important to remember that being nonbinary isn't only a feeling. yes, many people feel alienated from their assigned gender, but most people still identify with it. trans people don't. you say that a woman is something you just are, well, being nonbinary is also something people just are and it's different for every nonbinary person. someone coming out as nonbinary is not purely a rejection but also embracing a way of existing.

in English, the most commonly used pronouns are gendered and so much of the language is gendered. Nonbinary people who primarily speak English often struggle to be acknowledged with accurate language reflective of who we are. So, for English speaking nonbinary people, insisting on non-gendered language is a fight for recognition, instead of normal.

Nonbinary isn't one identity, it's an umbrella term for trans people who don't identify as men or women. Some people are nonbinary because they aren't traditionally their assigned gender. Some people come out as nonbinary because of spiritual or cultural reasons. Some people come out as nonbinary because of their relationship to their sexuality. Some people come out as nonbinary on their way to becoming trans men or trans women. Some people are nonbinary because they simply don't want to be anything else. That's a key part of it too. Being nonbinary isn't about what you aren't, it's about what you want.

Speaking for myself, I realised I was nonbinary because I was just me. I didn't want to be a man or a woman, I wanted to just be me and that's how I felt my whole life. I used to as a kid make up stories about being an alien and tell everyone I was an alien right up until I was 14 and looking back I feel like this was me trying to communicate how I felt so outside of what I was meant to and I loved it.

Speaking also only for myself, I don't "reject" being a woman. I understand that is a part of me, but I consider it a part of my gender in the way that eggs go into a cake, it's one ingredient, not the meal. No one calls cake "eggs". You can argue a cake is eggs in the same way you can argue a nonbinary person is their assigned gender. Or to put it another way, it's like arguing that glass is sand.

I want to warn you that making the argument that nonbinary people who were assigned female are sad women who reject womanhood is an argument frequently made by transphobic people who try to make their bigotry sound like feminism. be very careful. In truth, feminism has always been about achieving equity for people of all genders, including trans people. you do not have to understand every trans person's gender to respect them.

hope this answers your questions ❤️

[pattern-recognition-hypotheses]

This has been on my mind a lot, and every trans fem person I’ve said it to has realized they do struggle with this, so I’m going to share here.

Posting here because I expect this to piss some people off & don’t want it directly associated with my main.

I’ll make this as anonymous as possible, because some of it began from a conversation with an in-person/IRL friend whom I’m living with, & I don’t want to expose them. But apart from that piece of context, I’ll address the general trans community, especially our trans fem siblings & sisters (& any other term y’all may prefer).

Also getting this out of the way up front, I am trans myself. I am not speaking from outside the trans community, though I am speaking from a trans masculine / nonbinary experience.

I have a lot of trans fem friends now (mostly nonbinary, by coincidence), & saw the (often (unfortunately) necessary) assumptions that cis women & AFAB people made/had to make as I grew up. I watched AFAB folks & women assume things about men*, & heard them speak to the horrible things some entitled men did to them. I’ve been listening to my trans fem friends & asking questions about their experience with femininity, & about how men treat them if they pass.

(* though our society makes it necessary (for your own safety & sanity), if you’re AFAB, to assume the worst & hope for the best¹ - I want to make it clear that I’m not invalidating anyone here, especially as someone who had to assume the same things. I’m using the word assume to mean that we didn’t know for certain every single man would be of this type, not that many men weren’t this type)

(¹ not to say men can’t be SAed by other men, or that queer SA doesn’t exist, because it does. I’m simply speaking from my experience here, & speaking to the binary white supremacist patriarchal society we’re trapped in, not trying to speak over folks with queer trauma or to invalidate other people who distrust men)

~~~~

Important Note: I marked this with a community label not because it involves trans people (especially trans fem folks & trans women), but because it explicitly includes sex mentions (having to do with touch starvation & social conditioning). I want to make that clear due to the transphobia online, even from trans masc folks / trans men. Trans woman & trans fem people are not inherently sexual or bad, & don’t need a ‘mature’/sexual warning label.

~

I am probably over-explaining here (all the clarifications above), but I’d rather over-explain than have someone take my post & words to support their transphobic rhetoric. I also want my fellow trans & queer people to feel seen and supported, as much as I am capable of.

Now, onto the pattern I’ve been noticing & starting to share with people.

~~~~

I was talking to my roommate (they/she) about their struggle with finding friends & romantic partners that last. They struggle to make & maintain friendships, & I’m trying to help when requested/desired.

She said “not to support transphobic rhetoric about being unable to escape your assigned gender at birth, but I feel like there’s a biological...something that makes me unable to connect with people the way I want to”. She struggles with sex addiction that she doesn’t want, & they were worried it was inescapable.

With other conversations we’ve had, and with my pattern recognition, I made a leap.

“It’s not biological, it’s social. It’s baked into our [United Statesian] culture.

It’s because [most] assigned-male people in our society aren’t allowed to have platonic affection. If you’re affectionate with men, you’re gay. If you’re affectionate with women, you wanna fuck her or you’re a pervert. Being assigned male means, especially to Christian men, that you crave sex and wouldn’t be affectionate with anyone of any gender if that wasn’t on your mind.”

Most men & AMAB people become sex addicted because it’s the only form of affection they’re allowed to have. They’re told they’re unmanly (a pussy, not a real man, etc.) if they want to be held or to cry, or accused of being gay for holding a man.

They’re affection starved, touch starved. They’re actually craving intimacy, which doesn’t have to be sexual.

That said, tying this back in to trans folks—

Trans women & trans feminine people, especially on HRT but post social transition too, are often pointed out (or even shamed) for having a “hoe phase”. The pattern I see is that this doesn’t just happen because they’re finally being sexualized as their true self, it’s also because they don’t tend to seek out platonic affection &/or don’t think they deserve any.

When I pointed out to my roommate & to another trans fem friend, they broke down crying.

“If I seek out platonic affection, I’m always called a pervert,” my roommate explained. “I don’t feel like I’m allowed to ask.”

I asked how long it’s been since they’ve been platonically held. They thought about it, then came back with something heartbreaking: “I was five. After that, my dad decided it wasn’t cute anymore. ‘That’s little kid shit’. I had affection and then it was ripped away from me.”

I suspect other trans fem folks & trans women have the same struggle. They didn’t get platonic affection at all, or had it ripped away from them at a young age. They were accused of wanting sex if they touched anyone at all. They were attacked with homophobic slurs (faggot, gay, etc. as slurs) or accused of being gay if they reached for a man. They were brushed off as immature, childish, or overly feminine if they wanted platonic affection.

I don’t believe this applies to everyone, but it’s a heartbreakingly high number.

I hope this helps someone like it helped my roommate. She now knows what she wants to search for, and they’re succeeding at finding connections that meet those needs. I hope you can find people who respect your need for affection & offer you platonic affection.

Just like cis women, y’all aren’t sexual toys or objects (without your consent, not kink shaming). You’re people, and your feelings do matter. (/sincere)

And to my fellow trans masc people & trans men, please offer affection to your trans fem friends (don’t force it obv). Let them know they deserve affection.

We can fight this together— we’re stronger together. 💜

[crocheting-cupio]

Queer Resources!

This is by no means a complete list and it's something I will keep adding to and improving. If you have any helpful links not listed here, please send them my way!

Please reblog this post, as you never know who may desperately need one of these resources. Feel free to share individual links with friends/family as well. Knowledge is power, after all!

General:

Online safety guide for queer people This guide is extremely thorough, having sections for being online while queer in general, dating online, navigating the workplace, advice for queer people under 18, and more. If you grew up online and think you don't need to read any of this, I am begging you to read it. There's always something you don't know, something you won't think to do in a stressful situation. Please, please read through it all. Safety first!

Coming out handbook by The Trevor Project (PDF) A downloadable PDF walking you through the coming out process. It's a bit long, but well worth reading even if you have come out already to friends and/or family. It is very supportive of you, the reader, so it is wonderful if you feel unsure or nervous about your identity.

Quick guide for coming out (nonbinary focused) This is a briefer guide for if you or someone else just needs an overview of the process. It doesn't focus as much on the emotional support part and more on the logistics of coming out. So this one is good if you're very confident in your identity and just need to come out.

Pronouns and names:

Pronoun Dressing Room This site lets you try different pronouns AND names for yourself. You can fill the text fields with literally anything you want. It also has lots of neopronoun presets, organized alphabetically and by theme. To "try on" pronouns and names it uses a simple example paragraph where someone talks to their friend about meeting you. But there is also sections of public domain books where your name and pronouns replace the main characters'.

Pronouns Page This site allows you to make a "card" that lists all your names, flags/identities, pronouns, and terms you want used for you, as well as your preferences for/feelings about of them. It is highly customizable, you can add neopronouns, nounself pronouns, and emoji pronouns. You can even make separate cards for other languages. These cards can be easily shared with others and linked in profiles. It is also a huge resource for terminology, definitions and descriptions of identities, and how pronouns have been and are used in culture and fiction. There's also a full calendar of awareness days/week, appreciation days/weeks, and days of remembrance.

List of nonbinary names These are organized into separate pages by first letter. It includes non-English names, gives origin and meaning for each name, and, perhaps most helpfully, includes how often that name is used as a feminine or masculine name. Even if you are not nonbinary, this can still be helpful in choosing a new name. Personally I found this page infinitely more helpful than going to baby name lists, which are often split by gender and don't have as much for gender neutral names.

Gender:

The Nonbinary Wiki home page This wiki is an invaluable resource, I'm not exaggerating. It has almost everything you would want to know about gender, sexuality, and romantic attraction. It has who made the flags, their meanings, when terms were coined, archived posts, the history of identities, sub identities and micro labels... everything. I will note that understandably, the info for binary gender experiences on this wiki is limited.

List of (common) nonbinary identities This list gives descriptions, history, and more for every common gender identity that isn't strictly the binary female/woman or male/man. Almost every one of these identities has its own dedicated page which goes into further detail. And this list includes nonbinary identities that have existed in non-European and non-American cultures for centuries, or even thousands of years.

List of uncommon nonbinary identities This is a huge and detailed compilation of identities that have as little as one person known to use that label. It also has links to the original or archived posts where the term was coined, if available. This page can be used as something to help you figure out what you like and what you don't like in terms of gender identity. And you never know, the perfect label for you could be in here.

Legal recognition of transgender and nonbinary people by country This page details how inclusive, or exclusive, countries are to trans and nonbinary people. Such as if they allow "X" for gender/sex on ID and passports, what is required to have it changed, and how easy or difficult it is to change your legal name. Canada, the UK, and the USA have dedicated pages for this that go into further detail and provide more resources.

Romance and sexuality:

List of romantic and sexual orientations (nonbinary focused) This list does include common ones like lesbian, but also includes rare identities such as Aquian, being attracted only to people who's gender changes. As I said this is focused on orientations that do not assume you are a binary gender, the people you are attracted to are a binary gender, or that your gender is connected to your sexuality.

AUREA (The Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Advocacy, and Education) AUREA is not very large right now, but what it lacks in quantity it makes up for in quality. It has a large glossary of romantic, aromantic, queerplatonic, and other related terms. Which includes rare terms and identities under the aromantic umbrella. They have downloadable PDFs with basic info on aromanticism, as well as links to research that has been done on aromanticism.

Guide to Aromanticism This contains basic info about aromanticism, and "Am I Aro?" questioning section, and links to aro creators. Reading through the whole thing shouldn't take more than half an hour.

Allosexual Aromantic resources This site links to a wide variety of resources by, for, and information on allo-aros. There's terminology guides, how to write allo-aro characters, how to be a good ally towards allo-aros, essays, and fiction featuring allo-aro characters.

AVEN (The Asexual Visibility and Education Network) This is a wonderful resource for information on asexuality. It has a thorough FAQ section for both people questioning and friends/family who have questions and concerns about asexualism.

Asexual Perspectives This is a community blog where people can write about their experiences as asexuals. These posts are incredibly validating and eye-opening and I strongly recommend you read them.

The Gray Area This is a quick FAQ about greysexualism and demisexualism that is for questioning, allies, and people unfamiliar with greysexualism.

AVEN Forms AVEN hosts a form where asexuals, and people who once identified as asexual, can talk about their experiences.

An Asexual's Guide To... This is a brief sex ed taught from an asexual perspective. Which is to say it does not automatically assume you are interested in sexual activities and have some experience feeling sexual attraction. Even if you aren't asexual, it can be quite helpful in understanding the experience. It does not teach you much about the actual having sex part, though. It focuses more on being comfortable with yourself and your body. It is also inclusive to intersex people. (This guide has no pictures, if you were worried about that.)

Setting sexual boundaries with a partner list This is not queer specific but still helpful as it does not assume the sexual relationship is between the two binary sexes/genders and still works if you are intersex. To cut down the paragraphs at the beginning, this is a list of sexual and romantic actions and behaviours. You are supposed to assign a yes, maybe, no, or not applicable to everything on this list to indicate if you are willing, unsure, or will not do those things. It is suggested you go through it with your partner, but you can fill it out alone to figure out your preferences. This list/guide can be useful if you have sexual trauma and/or have had an abusive partner in the past and need to communicate what may trigger you.

[captainheartless]

The Feminist Sex Wars And Gender Essentialism: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Sex Positivity

cw: child abuse, rape, transphobia

FYI: I'm not online much anymore and probably won't read or respond to comments. I just felt like writing this to try and organize my own intellectual journey and see how it's tied to some modern trends. Sorry!

The Negatives of Sex Positivity

There's a simple, vulgar version of sex positivity I was taught as a teenager in the late 2000s: women should enjoy sex more, so therefore we should make a world where women have more access to the kind of sex women like. In the liberal university town I grew up in, this (thankfully) didn't mean forcing women into procreative sex within marriage, but it did mean a lot of talk about how hook up culture was bad for women and how men need to step up and make women have more orgasms. In any case, the "positive" in sex positivity was taken to mean sex (but only of the "right" kind) was morally good and something everyone should enjoy.

This kind of sex positivity became an integral part of my notion of gender and being a man. Like most boys of my generation, I was taught that being a good man meant things like going down on women and giving them orgasms. I've seen this play out to the point that I know men who insist on giving oral and pressure their partners into (faking) orgasms, because so much of their self worth is based on this idea of being "one of the good men."

In my case, however, it was a little different. As a teenager I wasn't comfortable or interested in sex. This sex positivity taught me that if I don't put out for women, I was being a bad feminist and a bad person. This was taught alongside a variety of jokes on male rape in which it was made clear: if you deviate from the gender role you're expected to play, that deviation will be met with sexual violence and you'll have no one to blame but yourself. This violence could sometimes be attenuated - one of the things about being asexual back then was that no one believed it was real, so they thought it must be hiding something else. Since the good liberals of my city believed they accepted gay men, they knew it couldn't be that I was in the closet. So there was a tendency to assume any guy who wasn't having enough sex must be into something more shameful - either a really bad kink or as some kind of dangerous predator. So I got the impression that if I didn't perform masculinity well, jail (and prison rape) was very much a possibility (sodomy laws were only declared unconstitutional in the US in 2003 - and that case law is in peril now). This kind of fear of the unknown and uncategorizable is how the queer to prison to rape pipeline operates.

This was especially awkward as I had faint memories of someone attempting to molest me as a child (probably a woman, but my memory is fuzzy), but was taught that must be me projecting my dirty masculine sexuality on to others because women simply don't do that. It was an abject lesson in how the structures of family and safety obscure child abuse and then project fears of that abuse onto freaks and queers that don't fit our norms.

Other times the sexual violence is less attenuated. Plenty of women reacted to me explaining asexuality by wanting to "fix" me. Every time women decide that "fruity guys" are trendy, I am routinely groped at gay clubs. I've had women explain it's precisely because I code gay, and therefore, "safe" that they feel entitled to my body. They think they're complimenting me, but it's hard not to feel like the cost of presenting more gay - and especially gay and smiling and dancing alone - is to be targeted by women. I have to wonder: "safe" for who? For what? I certainly don't feel safe - if anything, I feel like prey. I can only conclude I'm "safe" for them to enact their desires on me without consequence. When I complain about this, it's not uncommon to be told I sound too bitter, or like an incel. Why can't I just take a compliment? Why do I dress like this (like Daniel Craig in the Belvedere ad) if I don't want the attention?

It's hard not to see this as related to the sex positivity I was taught. I've joked that it was "sex positivity: for women." The message was often couched in a heterosexual gender essentialism that said heterosexual sex was unsatisfying or even bad for women, who prefer sensual and emotional sex, and that men's sexuality is inherently threatening and dangerous. Men are presumed to be invulnerable and incapable of being hurt by women, so women struggling with their own internalized shame around their sexuality never consider the boundaries or desires of the men they assault. Or worse, they also assume all men are identical and heterosexual, and thus must actually want it.

This even plays out in explicitly queer spaces. A local instagram for a queer bar takeover event in my city is actually only for lesbians, and it's description makes it clear they are doing this to avoid the dangerous, aggressive sexuality of men (they're also classist and only want "young professionals," so god forbid a sex worker shows up). A different queer event didn't specify anything about gender, but when a (passing) transmasc friend of mine went with his (also passing) transmasc boyfriend they quickly realized they weren't welcome because they were presumed to be cis men (who are assumed to be into women, and that their interest in women must be dangerous and threatening). In these spaces, queer is a type of woman.

Suffice to say, sex positivity, as it was taught to me, was not positive at all. It was about shaming everyone into the usual normative roles. Queer men were presumed to be predators in disguise. Ace men were impossible (and therefore they must be hiding something horrible). Women's sex with men was presumed to always be unsatisfying; even the women I knew who enjoyed hook ups often felt they needed to keep it on the down low lest they get a lecture about how they're not standing up for themselves and what they "really" want (which was always presumed to be a committed relationship, even if sometimes they allowed for it to be nonmonogamous).

Discovering Positive Sex Positivity

Around 2010 I discovered the asexual community. Ironically, it was the first place I discovered real sex positivity. Within the ace community, David Jay was extremely vocal about the need for sex positivity. I couldn't understand why at the time. But his sex positivity was different: it was more about removing the normativity of sexuality, making it into just another activity, rather than about promoting a specific normative kind of sex. I would only later learn this is what sex positivity was within queer and feminist literature.

Around the same time, I also started reading more radical feminist works. Ironically, I enjoyed them: it was the first time I heard anyone describe my life and experiences. Sure, radical feminists called it "women's socialization," but at the time I didn't really have gender at the forefront of my thoughts. I even wondered if being a victim of sexual violence meant I was a woman. I also learned to keep my experiences to myself, since it usually wasn't particularly acceptable to talk about, and I could just enjoy the fact that for once I heard people talking about issues I faced. I didn't really see the appeal of sex positivity when this was the closest I had to any recognition of my experiences.

Eventually I started to wonder if I'm really asexual, or just broken/truamatized/etc. I was interested in exploring sex, so I started hanging out in spaces outside the asexual community - in particular queer and polyamorous spaces, since I knew I didn't want a conventional relationship. I still don't know if I'm "really" ace - from what I can tell, if gender assumptions and roles don't apply, I'm possibly grey-ace or demisexual. Unfortunately, even within bisexual and polyamorous spaces gender looms heavily. I started hanging out within more trans subsets of those communities, since people at least talked about gender in those spaces so I could explain what my gender meant to me (and that I'm not trying to do a straight cis masculinity - not even straight cis men seem to enjoy that).

Nonetheless, I *still* get people coming up to me and telling me how much they miss "real" dick and seemingly wanting me to top them, or generally assuming that 1) I have an aggressive, dominating sexuality, 2) that my sexuality is all visual (and, for some reason, based on interest in boobs?), 3) that I can somehow give them the social validation and play the role that their ex husbands or boyfriends did (you'd think being a mix 30s obviously queer perpetual bachelor would dissuade that, but alas, it doesn't), and 4) that I am a "safe" outlet for their simultaneous attraction towards and fear of men. But these expectations create a contradiction I can never fulfill - I'm supposed to be the typical man with all the positives of that, while simultaneously not reminding them *too much* of a typical man, who would scare them. And the gayer I look, the worse it gets (but I have found some solidarity, particularly among gay transmasc people). Typically the only way to look gay and avoid this is to be actively making out with guys and be an asshole to any woman who interrupts.

At it's core I think this related to the lack of real sex positivity. Sex negativity teaches that some sex is bad, and contains the implication that certain sex (white, procreative, married) is good. This is closely tied to heteropessimism and the gender essentialism underlying that. Sex negativity is believing that all men's sexuality is dirty and dangerous, and that women's sexuality (by virtue of being attracted to men) is unsatisfying. Even in sapphic contexts, this often plays out as assuming women have a pure and innocent sexuality, if any at all, which creates a whole host of issues for every woman there. Gay men are presumed to be extra dangerous or predatory, due to the abundance of dirty masculine sexuality.

This doesn't help asexuals either. Asexual men are presumed to be sexual, and if anything they are more suspicious due to the fact they are so unthinkable. The heteronormativity makes it impossible to build queer community or alliances without having to go through a gauntlet of offering my body up for consumption, especially by women. I can only assume asexual women won't be taken seriously either, as it will be assumed all women are like that and, under the right circumstances, they can be converted into good wholesome lesbians (try actually being close but non-sexual roommates when that is always code for having a sexual relationship). In conservative areas it will be assumed they can still be forced to be good wholesome wives. And god forbid someone doesn't fit into the gender binary - if gender means women (good, innocent, no agency, vulnerable) and men (bad, dangerous, has agency, invulnerable) and is being used as a proxy for safety, all ambiguity will simply be rounded to the nearest category for the sake of enforcement.

We're entering a new wave of sex negativity, often disguised as sex positivity even as it's real purpose is to uphold the gender binary and enforce social norms about what sex and relationships should be. Aces are queer, and no amount of groveling to that fascist wave or presenting ourselves as pure or innocent is going to help us be accepted.

I hate to admit it, but we need sex positivity, of the real kind - aces will never be accepted as long as sex is moralized in any direction. Equating gender with safety is heteronormative, and based on gender essentialism. It's the foundation of terf style transphobia, and it is deeply tied to sex negativity. That sex negativity will also lead to the criminalization of gay men in the guise of protecting women (but it's actually going to be used to restrict women too). Aces inherently challenge the gender roles and essentialism that is at the foundation of that system. Our failure to play the heterosexual gender roles will also make us targets of those who want to maintain the gender binary and the heterosexual regime, just as it always has. It's impossible to stand against this without also standing with the entire queer community, which will require de-moralizing sex and deflating the importance of gender in our social assumptions. That's been the queer struggle for over half a century, and it will continue to be so for the rest of my life.

[dorkass-nerd]

Fuck it, maybe I'll just make this post, see if I can find anyone in the same boat or maybe I'm just screaming this into the void. I hope to everything that this doesn't end up in the wrong places so maybe I'll try and be somewhat vague but I might also just end up rambling an absolute tonne.

I've recently been really sick, pretty standard for someone with a chronic illness but this is a whole new problem that I'm just having to deal with now, I've been on antibiotics and other meds about six ish times and I've treated something like 6 or 7 infections of various types in just this year alone. Not looking for advice, this is just important background.

And around about the second time I came away with a prescription for antibiotics from my doctor I just so badly wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted nothing more than to just scream until my voice was raw. But it felt like, no matter how loud I screamed, that no one on this earth would actually hear me or feel me. No power on this earth would be able to actually give me comfort. In that moment, all I wanted, was the comfort of some kind of God.

Now I grew up raised as a Christian, going to church most weeks, got confirmed and everything. But a series of unfortunate events just made me completely lose my faith. I couldn't be a part of a community where I, a queer, did not feel welcome.

I considered going to one of the churches that was local to me, but 1) the door wasn't open and I wasn't sure enough to seek out the key and 2) part of me felt like a Christian church just wasn't enough. It felt like the Christian God just wasn't..... enough?

I simply just, went home and pondered. Thinking. Wondering what I could do to seek the comfort I so badly craved.

And I just

Kept thinking about it

I started wondering about other Gods, other religions. And landed on Judaism. My fiancee is Jewish and I see how she celebrates, I see how close her and her community are, I see how welcoming everything seems to be. And it feels.... more like home than I've ever felt with my Christian circles when I was in those.

Another thing I was coming to realise was how natural it felt covering my head. I started wearing just some cheap ass snoods because my hair is in a funny growth period and I was using the snood to encourage my hair to grow up and into the rest of my longer hair. But it started to feel so natural. I definitely don't need to be wearing it now because my hair is at a point where it doesn't need the encouragement to grow where I want it to grow but something about it feels so....

natural?

I don't leave the house without it, it's the first thing I put on in the morning when I wake up. I know Jewish women typically only cover their hair when they get married. But I am neither Jewish, nor a woman. So something about it still feels a little..... cultural appropriation-ish. That's not my aim in any way but wearing something that covers my head just feels so natural now. I don't know if I would feel as confident as I do going out without my head covered as I do with my head covered.

And recently I thought, just for me myself an I in the comfort of my own room, I'd find a nice scarf and try to style that in some way. the one I picked was a little thin but knowing how much I overheat in the summer months it was ok. But there's still just that part of me that feels like it's appropriating a culture. I don't want to go outside like this and get looks from people because I'm just Generic White Dude No.3 wearing a headscarf that they think I shouldn't be wearing. So i just left it sat on some stuff in my room, conflicted in my emotions. Until eventually one day i felt ok enough to just try it out. And I felt. A mix of emotions. I felt more confident. I felt pretty. And it all felt so natural. I wore it out for a walk to the shops with my mom, low stakes environment, people we too busy in my village with the event happening that day anyway so everyone is either too drunk to notice or too looking up at the sky at cool planes to notice. I worried about seeing people I knew. But no one said anything, I didn't get any dirty looks, and I was safe back in my room once again, wearing the normal snood I always wear.

And again, I dwelled on these thoughts and feelings. Why did that feel so natural, why did that feel so ok, why did I feel so confident in myself like that. Swimming with thoughts of trying to figure out what I was feeling.

I felt like it was a place that I didn't belong. I felt like I would be intruding on a space that I had no place being in. I can make this choice which is what me feel invalid. I could choose not to be discriminated against. I could choose not to have abuse thrown at me. This isn't like being queer, that isn't a choice, but this IS a choice. I didn't choose the discrimination I face because I'm queer but I can choose not to face discrimination for being in a minority religion like this.

I finally felt confident enough to tell my fiancee about this. And she was nothing but supportive, provided me with some helpful information, sharing in my feelings, validating my thoughts and understanding where I was coming from. She suggested I talk to a Rabbi if this is something I wanted to pursue for some more guidance. It felt like the first hurdle, finally spilling everything that had been on my mind. And it felt good.

I told myself I would light a candle for Shabbat this week, and all the time leading up to Friday I went back and forth over it, is it right for me to just do that? Am I allowed to just do that? Is there a right and wrong way to do it? Would people be mad at me for doing that?

But just in the safety of my own room with no one around it felt safe enough to do. I realised after the fact that I was a little late but that context comes later. But lighting the candle felt nice. It felt like a small comfort in the darkness of the evening. Seeing it out of the corner of my eye all evening felt nice, like something was there.

The following morning, I told my fiancee that I did that the previous night, and I could just see her smile beaming back at me. It was nice. And I ended up with her learning something new because she told me to light two candles next time and I asked why and she went down a little rabbit hole reading about why you should light two candles. So. Positive experience all round. Talking with her about all of this made me feel so sure that talking about this was the right thing, made me feel more sure of my path and if this is something I DO want to pursue.

She told me about some resources that she uses for Shabbat times, apps, the website chabad dot org. Which I proceeded to puruse when she'd gone to bed. I downloaded the Shabbat times app too. Reading through some of the resources on the chabad website made me start feeling a little emotional. Made my emotions feel valid. "People actually do feel this way too, it isn't just me!" I just kept opening different tabs, reading different articles, learning new words.

Then last night I somehow got to thinking about my last ex fiancee. And something, a voice, a feeling in the back of my head told me it's ok to let her go. It's been well over a year since we broke up and I still think about her with pain in my heart, wishing it had all gone differently. And then suddenly that pain was just. Not there anymore. It was ok to let her go. It was ok to let go of the grief, the grudge, the pain, the longing, the wishing things had gone differently. And it was suddenly just gone.

Which, again, made me feel many other, far more complex emotions. Trying desperately to explain where that came from. I like to have answers and explanations to things but I just couldn't find one. Telling my fiancee about it this morning and she's just beaming back at me again as I tried desperately to find the words to explain what happened but mostly failing. She got the important parts I think.

Now I'm just stuck thinking to myself

Was that God Himself? This came right after I embraced a Jewish tradition of lighting a candle for Shabbat. It has to just be a coincidence right? But it can't be, I've never gotten over something like that so suddenly like that. I still grieve relatives who've been dead 6 years, hell even 20+ years. This came from somewhere that wasn't me, that's the only reasonable answer right?

I'm sure this will just get lost in the tide of tumblr, I know I don't have many followers and I don't expect any of you to actually read this all the way through, this is more just me writing this down somewhere, document it. But if you have made it this far, thank you for reading all of this. Be gentle, but comments and opinions are welcome as long as you're not mean and asshole-y

[weaver-z]

Hiya! just wanted to show you more support after the mess of transphobic lesbophobic people on your post.

I have seen this rhetoric around some queer spaces and felt so isolated and hurt by other queer peopel invalidating both of my identities (trans woman and lesbian) and seeing support from other queer people who aren't invested and dont care about harm to trans women or lesbians, I really really appreciate you standing up to this stuff, It helps me feels less isolated and know there are people who don't buy this crap. I hope you have a good day today and know that you're awesome!

(cw mild trauma talk related to thing)

I have trauma around being forced to be with men because of my therapist who withheld access to hormones for me unless I was actively in relationships with men to 'prove how woman i was' and grew up around 4chan queer people who agreed with the transphobic homophobic people in their environment for the slightest bit of being allowed to be non cishet acting and this hits a particularly painful chord for me of internalized transphobia and homophobia that I know is linked to this stuff, especially from some toxic bi people I was abused by who reiterated this "everybody is a little bi so its okay if i creep on lesbians and try and get in their business or trans people calling them something they dont identify with)

Thank you so much for this ask, and I am so sorry you had to go through that. I actually saw your tags on my post earlier and thought about reaching out to send support, but I was worried I'd overstep.

I totally understand if you don't have the emotional bandwidth to do this, but what your therapist did to you was wildly unethical, and I think you have grounds to file a report about them to your local/state/provincial board of licensed therapists. Even disregarding the terrible homophobia and transphobia of that therapist's actions, requiring a client to date anyone in order to acquire medicine is horrible.

Regardless of whether you take action or just need to focus on healing, I wish you all the best.

[katyspersonal]

Absurd how my biological father was so negligent about my general existence that mom had to divorce him for this same reason (it was like life-threatening). It was my very early years iirc. Like, according to my mom, he dipped out as soon as he learned he had a girl and not a boy xd

Then my first stepdad so obviously wanted a son that he kept deliberately rooting out any and all femininity out of me - hobbies, toys, clothes, etc. He kept taking me for fishing, tried to teach me how cars worked, often pulled me together with him to watch sports like soccer, groaned and got passive-aggressive when I wanted a doll or to watch a princess movie, encouraged me to dress like a goddamn mine worker etc xd It was my age from 3 to 8, until mom HAD to divorce this one and pick up that prick..

And then my second stepdad caused types of abuse that will demonetize me upon mentioning, but on more "tame" scale he on the other hand was so aggressively insistent of me being a """real""" girl/woman. Like I swear he was policing every single hobby, speech pattern or look when it was not feminine, he would police even every single feeling I had because "but a woman should this" "a woman should that" etc. Trying to raise me to be a model housewife. As a result, I developed revoltion for cooking, doing make-up, putting even minimal care in my looks and being rude, blunt and physically incapable of being polite or gentle. And I swear I still see red when anyone as much as mentions me being motherly / mother in the future @_@ That lasted right until my adulthood (8-18)

I just think in retrospective it is funny how I got all types of father-figure-inflicted abuse like goddamn pok3mon gym badges hfjjygh All because I had to get the short end of being a part of sexually dymorphic species huh. -_- Was it so hard to be born a snail or something 🐌 But in retrospective, this might explain a lot about why I abhor gender roles, obsession with gender presentation and gatekeeping/controlling masculinity and femininity so much (it applies to both queer communities and conservatives because people do be weird and keep building their own limitations no matter the ideology smh). It is like I got "trained" to have a common sense by effect. 🤔 Like, usually someone experiences only one of these sorts of mistreatments (or none). And I just got to try everything xD

It also explains why I grew up to be a cute-looking woman wearing a dress and a cute flower pin and loving cute things but behaving like an absolute filthy gremlin type of a troublemaker boy that also curses like sailor hfhhhvj I am like, opposite of what was inflicted on me 😎👍

[fangirleaconmigo]

I’m struggling tonight, friends.

Tw: death, suicide, loss of friend, homophobia

Last night a friend of mine posted a tiktok saying she was “out”, blowing the camera a kiss.

I did not understand until today that this was her suicide “note” and that she was dead, until her mother and brother posted on Facebook today.

I’m so heartbroken. She was such a kind person. She had severe chronic pain, so she was too disabled to work, and on her “good” (just meant she could move around) pain days she’d organize in the community to serve and feed the unhoused. She had regular sandwich days where we’d make food and drive around giving it to people. She organized the businesses to put these flyers up with logos so people who were homeless knew they could go on and get coffee and food.

She didn’t do these things for her resume or to get into school or something. She was already well past college and could not work. She just did it because she cared about people and she thought someone should do it.

She was so divise in town. So many people LOATHED her because she was “encouraging” homeless people to come to our town. People literally want you to arrest poor people on sight. And people harassed her all the time for it. But she fought for what she believed in. She’d go to city hall and city council meetings to fight for housing to be built and for the cops to stop hassling people.

I live in a small right wing mostly evangelical town where almost 70% of them voted for trump. So let me tell you that people either loved her (like I did) or LOATHED her.

Then to top it all off, she was lesbian. An extremely tall, butch lesbian. So when people couldn’t get her to stop helping homeless folks they’d be vile and homophobic. And I know it hurt her so badly. She just wanted for people to see that she was a good person, not the degenerate they would accuse her of being. She loved people and she just wanted them to like her too, or at least to dislike her for fair reasons.

When I first met her about ten years ago, I advised her to be careful with the people in town she was calling her friends. She was new to town, but I grew up here and am queer myself and knew all too well. I told her that these people were homophobic.

She was SO CONVINCED that she could just love the bigotry out of them. That she could just be caring and funny and be a good person and that would change them.

I watched her become slowly disillusioned when she realized that was not how it worked. People would smile to her face but turn on her fast.

We had a float in the Christmas parade for our volunteer group and her wife chose the theme of Up (the sweet Disney movie) and so we invited the scouts to ride the float with us in keeping with the theme of the movie.

So this local asshole woman posted on Facebook that my friend was trying to recruit kids to the gay agenda and warned everyone to avoid her and not go to the parade. She implied she was gonna molest these kids and make them all gay???

I don’t really know why I’m telling you guys all this. I guess I’m just angry. It’s not fair. It’s not fair that kindness isn’t valued in this world. It’s not fair that people are shit and homophobic. It’s not fair that someone who was so fucking compassionate and empathetic and sensitive was dealt such a shit hand with her chronic pain.

I guess I just want people to know about her.

And I’m so broken hearted and for some reason I want to go kick everyone’s ass who was ever mean to her and I don’t know how that would help. She got sick of this town and moved away. She moved somewhere better.

But she still had so much pain. Her chronic pain was not helped by successive operations and hope was in short supply. Plus, she had been through so much trauma emotionally. She was raised a Mormon and had spent many self loathing years in the closet after the trauma of being raised to believe she was an abomination. (I’m not sharing anything private by saying that, she did a few interviews and essays on the subject, so it’s public record)

And now she’s gone. And now I hurt all over and I can’t stop crying.

Why is it the people who feel everything have to suffer the most, while the assholes of the world who bully gay people and who treat homeless people like crap sleep like logs at night. Why are good people taught to hate themselves because of their gender presentation and sexuality. Why is so much shame and pain heaped on people for being fucking born. And all in the name of god.

I’m just so angry. I’m just so sad.

I try to keep it light on social media as much as possible but my heart is just broken right now. I’m watching her goodbye video as well as the “it gets better” video she did years ago before the illness and I’m just aching.

Anyway. Here is me and my friend at the Christmas parade. We still had a great time in spite of the fucking haters. I organized a cheering section for her and it was loud as hell when we walked by.

I loved her. She was lovable. And I wish she was still here. But I’m glad she’s not in pain anymore.