#At least I think this is a shitpost

[radiance1]

The League tried to interrupt a summoning of a powerful being from the Infinite Realms. From the information they collected, the being isn't of the status of a royalty, but they still had to be careful as the being the summoners tried to call forth was still of noble status.

They failed.

The head cultist finished the ritual, the last words to finish the summoning left their tongue and the room was suddenly doused in heat, as black flame came to life from within the circle, twisting and turning, back and forth until a pair of red eyes suddenly flashed from inside the twisting pillar of flame and just as suddenly as the eyes appeared, was the pillar broken apart.

What was left behind was the figure of a giant phoenix, wings spread as embers black as night gently fell down to the floor below and suddenly disappearing, as if they were never there in the first place.

"Who dares to disturb-" The being started, eyes scanning the crowd below before stilling, extremely and worryingly quiet. One of them quietly cursed. "Constantine..." The creature's voice was low, dangerously low, no doubt anger in its voice as it called out the Warlock's name.

Everyone tensed, expecting something dangerous, except for the cultists, and the Head, who turned his head towards them and smiled, obviously expecting them to be reduced to not even ash.

"100 years. One. Hundred. Years." The being spoke, and confusion wormed its way into the hearts of all those present. "100 years I have waited for you, and when we finally meet once again it's not even you summoned me but these-" The creature waved a wing at the cultist below. "-These fatuous and vacuous little things."

"And what is this? You surrounded yourself with those not even of human birth before you have even thought about me?" The noble's eyes narrowed. "Did our relationship mean nothing to you?

Someone, probably not Constantine, choked.

"Well then, after all of this time you can at least make yourself useful." In a flash of black fire, Constantine was brought from within the ranks of heroes and in front of the beast, a man who seemed to be trying to-and unsuccessfully- lighting a smoke. "Ah, why do that when you have me?" The being purred, bending down to apparently light a smoke before freezing, as if remembering what exactly it was doing, but the action was already done, and Constantine was killing his lungs away.

The phoenix snapped back up to standing above everyone else, clearing its throat as if what happened decidedly didn't happen.

"What exactly did you want me to be useful for, love?" Constantine asked, expelling the smoke from his lungs and deciding that this might as well be happening. The noble huffed, folding its wings at its sides as it stared down at its apparent lover. "Take care of our son for once in your sad, pathetic life."

This time, not only did Constantine choke, but a good chunk of people there did as well. Constantine ran a hand through his hair, looking up at the phoenix incredulously. "Aren't we both men?"

The phoenix looked at his lover as if he were stupid. "Your point?"

"I-" Constantine sighed, took a breath, held, then expelled more smoke from his lungs. Apparently, he decided not to question anything anymore. "You know what? Sure, where is the little bugger?"

Over the next few moments, both the Justice League and Cultists were treated to the noble transforming into a human (still having wings) and handing over their apparent child-who looked nothing like them by being a dragon, but who were they to question the apparent reproduction of a being from the Infinite Realms- and being lectured about what not to do and what to do and how he should be cared for.

Also, a warning for his many powers.

Then the Duke stole a kiss (One that he claimed was long overdue) and left.

The room was silent, only the sounds of breathing occupying the room as the temperature was brought back down to normal levels.

A moment later, Batman walked up to the nearby cultist and punched him across the face and knocking him out cold, suddenly reminding everyone what exactly they were here for.

A while later, in the meeting room, everyone looked at Constantine. Who had a baby eastern dragon wrapped around one arm (who was apparently his child) and rubbing his temple with the other.

"I can't explain this."

===

Danny was actually not Constantine kid, neither was he Vlad's. Biologically, at the very least, however. Vlad did adopt both him and Jasmine a while back after their whole parent fiasco.

They're dead, sadly unable to become ghosts, or perhaps not so sadly.

Of course, they unfortunately outlived Jasmine, which was to be expected, but Vlad and Danny did grow close enough that they no longer viewed each other as enemies.

However, who could have expected that Danny, finally ascending to his princely status, would turn him back into a literal child because he was, for all intents and purposes, one by Dragon standards.

Utter malarkey, he would say.

Taking care of that boy was the worst few memories he has ever had. He was constantly being kept from his sleep, his work being interrupted constantly, and the child managed to find a way to leave his sight at each and every turn.

But there were some sweet moments, he would say.

It's only reasonable, however, that his lover (who he hasn't seen for an entire century might he add) share the workload.

[thisisnalkan]

List of Subreddit's for me to avoid

The Left can't meme-Right wing hell

The Right can't meme-Left wing hell

Political Compass Memes-Hell

Religious Fruit Cake- Hates Religion with a burning passion

Antitheist Cheese Cake- Transphobic, Homophobic, and all sorts of phobics.

r/atheism- "In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony god's blessing. But because, I am enlightened by my intelligence."

Gaming- Gamers aren't oppressed but they should be

Gaming Circle Jerk- I defended centrists and got banned 💀

r/Tumblr- filled with repost bots

Ask Reddit- "Hey... how does sex?!??!"-average ask reddit question

GenZedong (diseased)- You ever wanted to simp China and deny genocide? All at the ripe young age of 12

r/teenagers- I'm not a minor

White People Twitter- "Oh those quirky white people"

Black People Twitter- "Oh those quirky black people"

Antiwork- Sit's on their ass and does nothing to improve labor laws

Fuck cars- Sit's on their bus and does nothing to improve public transport

Dog Free- I don't know about you, but I'm seeing a whole lot on dogs here 🤔

r/Antinatalism- is neither pro-life nor is it pro-choice

memes- 💀

funny memes- 💀💀

dank memes- 💀💀💀

Terrible Facebook memes- Terrible Facebook memes when they see a shitpost 😡🤬😡🤬😡

Malicious Compliance- Yeah that happened

Pro Revenge- And then everyone clapped

[icantspellhocky]

My New Years resolutions:

Don't miss the next count down

Read a book

Kiss someone

Kill a demon

Eat

Run

Learn a new language (japanese)

✨Get therapy✨

Learn to juggle four balls

Become a cat!!!!!

Adopt a cat!!!

Write a book

Go outside

[st4rlex]

dont feel like doing actual art sorry guys

[rhinocio]

older brothering

previous

[hummise]

they have promises to keep and miles to go before they sleep !!

[lisosoup]

silly man forgor his name shoulda looked in the tags bruh

[ravlykpavlyk]

nicky: never have I ever committed an arson

neil, taking a sip: shit happens

nicky: neil! you didn't tell me! when was it?

neil: when I burned my mom's body on the beach

nicky:

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

eyoooo you know what it is, cards folks paid for me to write during this week's calligraphy stream!

IDs should be in the pictures themselves, they have been purchased, in order, by:

@givinghades @idkhowtomakeaname @insanepixels @givinghades @spiridiums @owenevans00 @chaos-connie @insanepixels @lastoneout @scripted-borscht @ghostchilismoothie

[shopwitchvamp]

The Three Fates

[thedustmylove]

eliza usher goes to strangle her shit head boss after accidentally being buried alive (???) and then promptly dies god forbid women do anything

[literallyneurodivergentandaminor]

we also made these

[2008hondacivic]

New Jersey State Senator trauma dumps on local girl’s tumblr post

[honeypleasejustkillme]

“you’re so funny” thanks i literally have nothing else going for me

[mspaintbladie]

jing yuan wanted to share his tea (yanqing isn't happy he invited that one wanted criminal,,,)

[nyaskitten]

11-min era is crazy. NO ONE dies from seasons 11-13 (aside from temporary videogame deaths,) then season 14 kills off FOUR characters (Trimaar, two Merlopian Guards that Kalmaar merced in the same ep as Trimaar, and then Kalmaar,) and then no one afterwards (the Overlord doesn't get to count, his spirit went back into dormancy.)