#Because that's 100000% Ed

[saltpepperbeard]

so it’s no surprise that javid’s posts and potential teases make me take damage, but like...looking at the lyrics of walking on broken glass after he mentioned it?

[kattythingz]

Day 100000 of wishing people would stop making Ed insult Ling, a Chinese-coded character, by calling him "squinty eyes" because that SHIT'S SO RACIST OH MY GOD GUYS GET A GRIP

[ourfag]

A made-up fic title for you:

✨All That Glitters ✨

ok so my first instinct is to follow the too-good-to-be-true appeal/deception theme—modern au, ed’s a scammer who singles stede out online for his immense disposable income, establishes contact over text/internet, finds it astonishingly fun to build a rapport with him, and starts siphoning money earlier in the game than he ever has before. it’s a personal record. izzy’s chuffed. ed’s kind of meh about it.

unfortunately: this is a gentlebeard fanfiction and ed is falling in love with the mark.

he works independently and he’s good at what he does, so he’s not in any kind of debt; at this point in his life he’s scamming for scamming’s sake. he doesn’t need stede’s money for anything, he’s just kind of accumulating it and not using it. the thought of spending it doesn’t make him feel good. no particular reason.

izzy’s getting on him about extracting some higher figures from this guy already, and ed knows he’s right, he’s stalling. he’s gonna bleed this guy out. it’s what he does. it’s who he is. he doesn’t get to just walk away from it.

….stede, though. now, if stede walked away, well, not much ed could do about that. it happens. it would suck, but ruining stede’s life would suck more.

there’s two directions i can see things going from here and i’d probably decide based on which one lends itself to funnier problems:

1. ed starts accidentally-on-purpose getting sloppy. irreconcilable inconsistencies, weird places he’s asking stede to wire money, slipping in hints that he’s not legit, with increasing blatancy because as far as he can tell, all of these things are flying over stede’s head. they’re also flying over izzy’s head because he’s not good enough with people to notice the drop in quality.

2. they live in the same city, or at least the same general region of the country, so ed Coincidentally happens upon a Chance Meeting with stede in real life. totally randomly and not on purpose and good luck proving otherwise. stede has no idea who ed is but they hit it off immediately (again) and if ed had any doubts that he’s utterly in love with this guy then those have been obliterated by stede’s 100000 watt smile. they grow close. ed expresses some skepticism about jeff, stede’s very good friend jeff, who maybe seems a little sketchy? maybe he’s not who he says he is? but the thing is ed’s really good at what he does. so he’s having a hard time finding holes to poke in jeff’s story. and if he’s too unduly critical towards jeff then he’s just gonna look jealous—

actually now that i think of it option 2 followed by option 1 could work nicely. maybe i wouldnt have to choose

anyway. while all this is going on stede’s had his suspicions that his money was not going where jeff said it was going but he’s been going along with it anyway because jeff is really nice to talk to and because stede thinks it’s important that criminals work to uplift one another (in his spare time stede has been committing larceny.)

[paranormalactivity5]

Hiiii, quick question, I’d really like to start a Eddie Munson x reader series but with a chronically ill reader, but I wanna know if anyone would read it. It would be very angsty but also fluffy and maybe some smut here and there but it would delve very deep in to the truth that a lot of disabled people feel unloveable, even tho we 100000% are it’s still a thought that hangs in many of our heads that we are “too much”. Basically the premise of the series is Eddie proving to reader that he loves her so fucking much, and that he loves loving her and everything that includes. At first reader would push him away because of her self deprecating beliefs but Eddie is relentless in proving that she is just as worthy and deserving of love as anyone else. I would try and be as non-descript as possible with what illness reader has. I personally have pots, eds, fibro, fnd, and Endo and feel Eddie would be the best boyfriend and care taker. Let me know if y’all would read!

[vivaciousoceans]

I gotta rant about something that as a Olivia Benson fan first, really bothers me. Elliot would’ve NEVER left Kathy for Olivia. Ever. They had to kill her off to even give eo a chance. And I just feel like Olivia deserves better than that. Better than being somebody’s second choice. They can spin it however they want to. The facts will always be the facts. I don’t think Elliot would’ve ever looked twice at her (in a romantic way), had Kathy lived. I always did feel like Olivia loved him more than he did her. I also feel like that’s what scares her the most about Rafael, is for him she’s his first and only choice. And she’s never really experienced that type of unconditional love with anyone.

You’re 100000% correct. Elliot would’ve never given Olivia the time of day if Kathy was still alive. He had ample opportunity to leave her, to get a divorce, for god’s sake, the show was in season 12 when he left. He spent 12 years as Olivia’s partner, never once making a move, not even when he was separated. I don’t doubt that Elliot feels something for Olivia, I don’t doubt that he loves her in his own selfish way, but she is NOT the love of his life. If she was, if she was truly the woman he couldn’t live without, Italy wouldn’t have been far enough. When Kathy was leaving him, he continued to show up, and yes there is a difference because she had his kids, but also he wanted HER! As evidenced by them making Eli. Olivia has always been his work wife. The wife he goes to for emotional support so his real wife doesn’t see his demons, the toll the job takes on him. Rafael has always only had eyes for her.

He doesn’t have a wife and 5 kids holding him back. He doesn’t have the baggage of a failed relationship 15 years ago (Brian Cassidy) holding him back. He’s never going to ask her to give up her job to ride off into the sunset with him (Ed Tucker). If she let herself, if she truly let herself fall into him, she could be happy, loved, cherished, and that scares the shit out of her. Because who could ever love someone made from a monster? Who’s been broken over and over by countless evil men? Who could actually want her? Who would actually choose her? And Rafael is right there answering every single one of those questions with “me”, and that terrifies her. She’s never been loved unconditionally.

And the idea that somehow Kathy is the reason Elliot never pursued Olivia is ridiculous. The fandom paints Kathy as this jealous bitter wife who won’t let Elliot go, when she did!!! And then she didn’t even know for sure that Elliot and Olivia hadn’t talked in 10 years. She still praises their partnership on her deathbed. Elliot is the one who couldn’t let Kathy go. Elliot is the one who abandoned Olivia without a word because “her voice would’ve made him stay” as if her voice had ever been enough to make him choose her.

[major-knighton]

RATING PIRATE FLAGS

By your friendly neighborhood pirate enthusiast. Remember the sources for most of these are often shoddy at best, we do with what we have.

1. EDWARD LOW

Spooky. Red. Makes your intent clear. Fitting for a man reputed for violence, sadism and a penchant for torture so strong he was compared to the Spanish Inquisition. 9/10 very Halloweeny.

2. EDWARD "BLACKBEARD" TEACH

Dramatic as fuck. Who hurt you, Ed? Also why is the devil so skinny. This design is a good idea but maybe a bit messy. 6/10 solid flag but makes me think of 2000s emo album covers.

3. STEDE BONNET

Meh. It tries to be symmetrical but fails because the dagger and heart aren't the same size. Trying too hard to be original but with no real creativity. 4/10 you bougie bitch.

4. BARTHOLOMEW ROBERTS

Very cool design. Always dubious of putting your own image on the flag, but overall the execution is good. You have the captain pointing at the hourglass to signify your time is up with Death by his side. 8/10 supervillain flag.

5. BARTHOLOMEW ROBERTS AGAIN

NOOO NO NO. This looks goofy as hell, Barty. The letters are supposed to stand for "A Bahamian's head" and "a Martinican's head" but putting letters on a flag is gauche. The flaming sword looks like a cactus. 2/10 You can't just draw yourself standing on the skulls of your enemies holding a flaming sword and expect people to take you seriously Bartholomew

6. SAMUEL BELLAMY

The classic. Can't go wrong with it. Points deducted bc a bunch of people used it and it's impossible to tell who started it. 5/10, neutral

7. OLIVIER "LA BUSE" LEVASSEUR

WHAT in the reverse slenderman is this shit? Get that out of my sight you French bastard. 100000/10 it lives in my nightmares.

8. HENRY EVERY

BLACK. IT'S CALLED THE BLACK FLAG ASSHOLE. Otherwise, it's a solid design, unique and simple. 6/10 unusual but not bad.

9. JEAN THOMAS DULEAIN

Just no. Too much stuff. Three skulls is nice but then you add all the other things and it becomes a confusing mess. Pick one thing and stick to it. 3/10 what the hell

10. JAQUOTTE DELAHAYE

We don't even know if she was real but what I do know is that this design fucks. Dancing with Death over a bleeding heart? Showing your prey that they're going to be bested by a lady? I stan. 11/10

[aachria]

AACHRIA.

WHAT.

WDYM ACE WAS STILL KIDNAPPED AND TAKEN AND MIGHT DIE.

☹️

im in so much agony.

what the hell man ☹️

ALSO SABO (semi, he never got clarification 💀) KNOWING LUFFY AND ED ARE MARRIED LETS GOOOO 🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥🔥⁉️⁉️⁉️

SABO AND ED DYNAMIC IM IN LOVE.

imma be so fr i understood maybe half the plan. like i got it, i kinda know whats happening, but thats only for phase one..... phase two and three im so fucking lost they both said sm and i felt my mind explode. i forgot to read half the sentences and my mind was so blown i just decided to not go back and read them even though they will probably fix me and make me realize exactly whats going on LMAO

i once again request a 10k chapter, although still no threats bc im scared of my weird dream curse 💔 which i still have..... its better tho- its evolved into tumblr becoming a weird celestial being because when it said ur discontinuing ur fic as an ad and caused chaos people ended up worshipping tumblr to try and get you to keep writing ur fic- so no longer a nightmare just a really weird dream.... 😭

UR SO AWESOME, AND SO COOL, AND I LOVED THIS CHAPTER, I READ IT INSIDE THE MOVIE THEATER FOR THE DEADPOOL AND WOLVERINE MOVIE BC I COULDNT WAIT (10/10 movie btw) UR FIC IS AMAZING 100000/10 MAKE ME SOB NEXT CHAPTER 💞💞

Teehee. Be so honest with me did you think I would just leave that prime angst real estate unpoked?

Poor Sabo will get real answers one day. Hopefully. He was so damn much fun to write I just love him. Him and Ed are the two smartest people you know who also happen to be the most unstable and likely to cause an international incident by being a lil silly and goofy.

That plan... oh that plan. Writing that plan was fun and I got very carried away. I was terribly proud of myself for remembering half the shit in there before I had to pull up the wiki, and the Enies Lobby bit will be my smartest move until the next time I do something remotely smart.

Baby I'm going to hold your hand as I say this because I am being so for real, at this point if you are still having this dream every night you need to genuinely consider seeking professional help. That's not normal or healthy. Talk to a therapist or guidance councilor or something.

I hope to god you mean before the movie started or when it was done because if you had your phone out while that movie was playing I will be very disappointed. I wanted to go see it this week with my mom but it didn't end up happening ✊😔 I did rewatch both Top Gun movies though. Love those.

[lightyaoigami]

the lightyaoigami anon razzies (｀∀´)Ψ

at long last, i'm so displeased to share my top ten most fucking annoying anons! please take FULL offense if you see yourself here! i have decent guesses as to who a few of these are from! no need to confess! just don't ever do it again (ʘ‿ʘ)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

10: "You're awesome and I hope you know that"

classic condescension and woobification. 1/10 razzies. could be worse, could absolutely be better too.

9. "I feel like your personality and vibe is something I've seen before."

bewildering AND meaningless - a combination you don't usually see! 1.5/10. unique, but opaque.

8. "Why is, in your opinion, tumblr considered a feminist site?"

grammatically confusing controversy gotcha-bait. yawn. 2/10.

7. "i saw ur post about your hozier tickets. what do u mean by insane behavior ? i hope u can go !"

entitled, weird, pushy. just read my blog and move on. 4/10.

6. "Your profile picture accentuates the vibe of a shy and quiet Light which you seem to possess."

here we see the first instance of deranged extrapolation based on literally nothing. really weird! 8/10.

5. "Your profile picture gives you a very mysterious/shy person vibe for some reason."

i guess they didn't get what they wanted the first go-round. points for audacity. 9/10.

4. "Well, DID you have an affair with your mutual? That's spicy..."

i have gotten several variations on this ask in the last year or so and i genuinely don't know where this theory started. it's weird, it's parasocial, it's gossipy...10/10. guess the supposed mutual, coward!

3. "I hate to tell you this bestie but if your hunger response has faded away due to lack of eating over time you may have an ED. I understand not eating enough food because it takes a lot of energy and it's hard, but I just hope you take a closer look and please take care of yourself <3"

just embarrassing! an astounding level of parasocialism and paternalism and condescension! now THIS is an annoying ass anon. kudos to you for being so goddamn weird. 10/10. no notes.

2. "anon confession is i keep trying and failing to accurately peg your political leanings, for no particular reason. my current guess is consistent democratic voter with sympathies stretching a bit further left than the DSA but not by much, and with no consistent political activity of your own. possibly with shades of sympathy towards certain currently existing liberation projects that are further into a revolutionary camp that you'd usually be comfortable with (i am thinking specifically the zapatistas maybe?). i fully expect to go back on this guess in the next 2-3 business days. the only thing i am certain of is that you hate donald trump and are going to vote for joe biden or whoever the dem nominee is."

here we have a classic example of tumblr brainrot. i'm so sorry that my activism wasn't performative enough for you! i should have posted my arrest record and all my bank statements with my mutual aid activities highlighted. my social security number, too. better luck next time. 11/10 for pissing me the fuck off lmao

1. an anon so bizarre that i ended up deleting it - but not before i saved a screenshot! this is the weirdest and most condescending anon i have ever received and as you can tell that is a major accomplishment. 100000/10!

[xoxoemynn]

tag your most hard working fic writing mutuals uWu

Oh, buddy, I am friends with SO many extremely talented writers who work their absolute butts off to give us incredible fic and I know I'm going to miss people, so I'm going to cheat a bit and rec some recent-ish fics written by beloved mutuals. Would 100% encourage you to check out the linked story and then their entire collection of works because they are all fab. 💕

The Detectorists AU by @monksofthescrew. Two-part metal detecting AU. It is so atmospheric, so rich and tender and nuanced with some really incredible timey wimey stuff intertwined. I'm a little biased because I beta read these, but I think of them so often. Just a master class in story telling.

Respawn by @glamaphonic. This is SUCH a fun AU where Ed and Stede are both streamers. The concept works SO well, and the flirting and banter is top-tier. I know next to nothing about video games and I've still been able to follow along easily, squeezing my cheeks and kicking my feet the entire time.

wanna fly away (I don't know where my soul is) by @ghostalservice and @petrichorca. Speaking of fics I love where I know nothing about the concept, this is an Animorphs AU where Stede is just the most precious alien whom I would 100000% die for. It's such a fun, rich, layered story and I'm eagerly awaiting to see where it goes. Also just love this description of it: Our story is about finding one’s place in the universe (actually and figuratively), plays with the transformative nature of morphing and the power to change one’s body, and explores two individuals from wildly different backgrounds falling in love.

Moonstone Mage Championship by @blakbonnet. Holy crap, the WORLD BUILDING. Meow's mind is a wonder. I truly don't know how she does it, but I am literally in awe of her work on this fic. One of the most creative and detailed stories I've ever read.

Different Names for the Same Thing by @oatmilktruther. I have been rotating this fic in my brain ever since it was posted. I don't even have proper words to describe how gorgeous it is. It's basically my soul now. Abs' gift for blending humor and tenderness and making you feel the love between Ed and Stede is unparalleled.

My Father's House by @trans-top-stede. Owen describes this as "a t4t theatre au (kind of)" because it is about theatre, but it's mostly about gender and families and the healing power of queer art" and YES. It's beautiful and tender and hot and that last line has stuck with me ever since it was posted.

Gold Rush by @abigailpents. Potentially the sweetest AU I've ever read. Just pure love and romance. Just let yourself get swept away. It is lovely.

Tree Change by @clairegregoryau. I am constantly in awe of all the work Claire puts into her fics. She is operating on a whole other stratosphere and it's incredible to watch. Tree Change is a little teaser for what promises to be an incredibly unhinged Kinktober and I am just rubbing my hands with glee for what's to come. (ba dum tss.)

Matching spark and flame by @bizarrelittlemew. My current read that I am devouring, it's so fucking good. Everything Ida creates is just pure magic, and this one is no exception. Also extremely excited for the OFMD Fic Club discussion on this one later in the month, so be sure to read and join the server so you don't miss out.

I know I'm missing a bunch, but this list is already getting long and I need to get back to some beta work. Kissing all my writer mutuals on the forehead and giving them all the good writing vibes. May your muses be ever loquacious and cooperative. 💕

[alibeehaw]

Fanart I did for the INSANELY GOOD SMAU Piña Coladas which you should absolutely 100000% read if you haven’t because good lord above it is a masterpiece.

Anyway imagining Ed sitting in the car after finding The Mixtape absolutely destroyed me :’)

Print available HERE.

[edsbacktattoo]

hi lets show some love for our mutuals. tag your favorite mutuals and tell them why you love them

oooh bet u thought i forgot about u anon. i didn’t. i’ve been here. scheming and plotting. and i am soooo full of love to give. hold onto your hats

i’m putting the gushing under a cut because this post is getting too long haha whoopsie

@tisziny my darling beloved and dearly cherished friend. one of the first people to reach out to me and i am eternally grateful for their wonderful heart and friendship. my sweetest cheese! 🧀 an incredibly skilled writer and artist who i sincerely admire <3 not enough words to describe my love for them tbh

@skysofrey kaitlin my beautiful and cherished friend and wife. we were cut of the same cloth and then separated at birth but we defied to odds and joined forces anyway! so insightful and kind and sweet and hilarious and overall wonderful (and also sooooo pretty have u guys seen my wife she’s sooooo pretty wtf) 🖤💜❤️

@blackbeardskneebrace miles blackbeardskneebrace the absolute marvel that you are <3 so incredibly nice and extraordinarily talented! every time they post art it adds 100000 years to my lifespan and puts tears in my eyes. genuinely astounding

@blakbonnet despite the angst and antagonising me for Ed’s beard, i will always love Meow with my whole chest. and she can do it all!!! she writes, makes art, makes gifs! she’s even funny and smart and hot and NICE! save some for the rest of us babe come on <3

@gentlebeard ohhhh my sweet wonderful Ella (now with a new and improved url!) so incredibly kind and friendly! always willing for a hot makeout session in the bathroom and will gladly kill someone to defend your honour (i’ve seen her do it). makes edits that make you laugh and then WHABAM!! another that makes you feel like your lungs are being pulled out. love you ella <3

@snake-snack-stede we all know that olivia is the funniest mfer on this whole idiot website. it’s literally not even a contest. but did you guys know she’s also extraordinarily talented? she makes art and animates and makes edits that are gorgeous to look at. also i’m in love with her. she’s the sweetest candy apple at the fair and i’m a snot-nosed kid with an appetite.

@flightoftheconnie sex on legs. i become hot and flustered and feint when i think of her. makes me blush and giggle and kick my feet and she’s funny and smart and hot enough to be in a gallery but she’s here with us instead. give her kisses or die by my sword

@bizarrelittlemew we may not talk often but goodness gracious do i adore you 🥹 my god you’re hilarious and you make some of the most gorgeous gifs ive ever put my gay little eyes on. and yet another blessing to the world of ofmd fanfic <3

@saltpepperbeard JODI!!!!!! if jodi has a billion fans i’m one of them. if she has 100 fans i’m one of them. if Jodi has 0 fans then i’m dead. literally so sweet and kind and enthusiastic and an absolute treasure. and my GOODNESS can she write!! her work feels like a warm hug (just like her!)

@sherlockig literally too hot to be on the hellsite with us but we are so blessed to have her. an absolute TREASURE to this fandom and to anyone who knows her. the amount of lockscreens i’ve got that are just alexz screengrabs is absolutely insane. thank you for all your work i love you forever

@dickfuckk josh — a living breathing legend. any time you need a file? a link? an image? josh has got your back. one of the funniest people i’ve ever interacted with. also makes edits devastating enough to kill a man <3

@xoxoemynn Em my wonderful Cherub From Heaven!!! pure charm and grace, and one of the most enthusiastic and delightful people i’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. such an accomplished and skilled writer as well!

@vampirebutterflies my #1 date to the observatory and my partner in crime <33 so effortlessly funny and kind and has the best taste in music ever. every single song they’ve sent me has been an absolute banger and has been put in the frequent rotation (huge shoutout to Vacations)

@bunnyandthejets my dear and darling friend Bunny who is so incredibly kind and sweet. has been so vocally supportive and enthusiastic since we met and i’m so grateful to have her friendship and support. she’s also made me cackle like an insane person on enough occasions to be criminal.

@wearfinethingsalltoowell don’t let the angst fool you, Joy is actually wonderful and a ray of sunshine <3 i’m convinced she just enjoys causing us pain for fun. she’s creative and wonderful and the World’s Number One Olu Enjoyer (and therefore objectively correct)

@sassygwaine is one of those unabashedly kind souls who simply oozes love into everything they do and create. so genuine and resilient and smart!!! writes like an absolute dream too

@chocolatepot a complete sweetheart who was one of my first friends in this fandom, and who has been consistently friendly and supportive ever since. unwaveringly kind and nice. also her writing. oh my god. 😭 a huge inspiration to silly little me

@jellybeanium124 nina is so effortlessly hilarious. she’s had me giggling and twirling my hair on numerous occasions. she’s also full to the brim with good and correct takes. (also a Button’s truther and the world needs more of those.)

@awkward-fallen-angel heather is just soooo lovely!! another one of the people that’s been here since the very early days and i’m always so grateful for her insight and enthusiasm and the sheer joy she puts into everything.

@stedebonnets i mean this so sincerely and with my whole heart: Ara is one of the nicest and most loving people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. an absolute angel who drops in to consistently check on her friends and spread love and joy. we need more Ara’s in the world. also has one of the most beautiful ofmd tattoos i’ve ever seen <3

if you haven’t been included in this list, please know that i love you so so so dearly and that i genuinely am just a little bit stupid (on account of the short term memory issues lol). if you’re feeling left out, send me a message and i’ll say something sooo niceys about you 🥹 i love you all. thank you for being here. <3

[justajsworkshop]

You have no idea how much your answer helped me. Truly, thank you so much. I was so so stressed. I really want to manifest my dream life but it seemed so far fetched and I was not making any kind of progress, despite being here for years now. It felt like I was just consuming info. I just realized that I’ve come across Be Something Wonderful several times but I never checked it out because the thumbnail and title felt kinda gimmicky and law of attraction-ey. But I will watch the videos you’ve suggested.

I used to struggle with ‘feeling it REAL’. I see every states based blog talk about making it feel real and it made me question if I was doing it right. Another thing was the emphasis on invoking the feeling of being calm and knowing that comes once you’ve shifted your state and made the state your dwelling place. I felt like I was forcing fulfillment. I agree that ed art definitely interprets Neville really well but I struggled to apply the info. And even Neville, towards the end talked more about faith and focusing on who you are. So it confused me when everyone made so many rules about what to feel.

Thank you for hearing me out. I was so confused and was response has helped a lot<3

ah, i'm so glad to hear that helped!

yeah, neville even says that when he talks about feeling, he's not speaking of emotion but of the acceptance that your desire is yours, but even that can feel unclear at times that acceptance has to "feel" a certain way in terms of sensations in the body and mind. and i have 100000% been there where i've been obsessed with what's happening "inside me" and seeing it as something that needs fixing because i struggled to believe, have faith, accept, etc. and that just turned into a downward spiral of me judging myself as unfulfilled.

then i once heard tom talk about the difference between confidence and conviction, and i realized i was always chasing the emotional high of "feeling good re: my desire." but when you focus on being convicted that you are your desired self, that knowing is immovable. and sure, you can have doubts, limited thoughts, and blegh feelings that move through, but you know that these are always changing, so you don't have to get attached to them. i used to remind myself a lot, not every feeling needs a narrative. not every sensation i'm having needs a whole story wrapped around it and lord alive, especially not one of nonfulfillment!

tom's video today talks about the difference between being a prophet, someone who can speak the law but feels separate from it, versus being the messiah, someone who is one with the law. and it made me think of your first ask, tbh. his content focuses on the law above all laws, even above the law of assumption, and that's the law of being: who and what are you conscious of being?

the good news is that you, the son of god who is one with all possibilities and all moments in the divine mind, can choose who you are, and it will instantly be so. remember, there's only one divine moment that our awareness is seeing from infinite vantage points. memories are just imaginal acts, and imaginal acts are just memories of the allness that you already are. so, there's no horizontal linear past of "failure" and nonfulfillment that you have to attach yourself to. there's no 4 years of struggle unless you continue to call it forth and place it here as part of your experience here and now.

you can decide and declare in this very instant that you've always been perfect at executing the law because you are the law. you've always been fulfilled and living your dream life because you are already all lives and all possibilities. an affirmation i've been loving recently is "i am that i am, who is living their dream life." because i am! i am the i am who is living the life of their dreams! because i am all dreams.

feelings are irrelevant to your fulfillment because your fulfillment just is—it's all that is. there are no conditions that must be fulfilled. no great subconscious that needs to be impressed. no higher power that must be appeased. you are eternal, absolute, and total fulfillment because your I AM awareness guaranteed that. that's the real power of robotic affirming. it's not about being mindless or affirming in vain; it's about choosing to be who you desire to be regardless of the emotional activity happening within the physical body and mind.

you got this! you always have. you've always been fulfilled. you just have to remember yourself as you desire to be. :) no go enjoy your dream life!

[your-fave-adopted-you]

I've been thinking about this all day so here you go.

listen. Yuu, but make her Haruhi from Ouran highschool host club.

(Also don't mind the word "potion" showing up 100000 times)

Guardian! School Staff and a fem!MC that transforms into a guy daily, in order to attend school.

Characters : Crowley, Crewel, Trein, Ashton, Sam

TW : Crowley being questionable

afab! MC

Context : the NRC is an institution full of diversity! A place where people from all around the globe, with different social status and even people that aren't even human can study.

Not women tho.

For some reason, since you arrived there was no trace of female presence, not even within the school staff. This is a boys only school, ofc, the problem is that

you're not a boy.

Just the fact that you come from another world, and that the mirror didn't assign you to any dorm brought enough unwanted attention towards you.

Dire Crowley

The first one to know.

Because he was literally the first person you came across once you appeared.

Haha, sorry, but you can't stay here.

we don't even have girl uniforms!

but. you didn't choose to come here.

eventually, he gives in,

You can stay at Ramshackle and yadda yadda you know how it goes.

HOWEVER people shouldn't know about your true gender.

if it was known that a girl actually attended classes at Night Raven, then people would demand for more opportunities for female mages to study there!

but Crowley isn't planning on making it a co-ed any time soon.

He proposes that you take shapeshifting potions regularly, and live as boy, like everyone else.

At first you don't like this idea because, he's kinda conditioning you.

But you never actually cared that much about how others perceived you, gender-wise at least.

So you (reluctantly) accept this offer.

Also he will be your guardian in this world from now on, he's gotta keep an eye on you.

Even when everyone perceives you as a boy, he's very protective of you.

"Oh! y/n! my sweet little princess- PRINCE HAHA, YEAH i need another favor-"

stuff like this happens 20 times a day.

it doesn't matter if you're tall or petite, a tomboy or coquette. After week 1 he got VERY attached and now you're his sweet little princess.

mostly asks you to stay away from the leech bothers and some Savanaclaw students because he doesn't want to die of a heart attack.

Divus Crewel

ngl you got him fooled for a good few months.

he saw Crowley so eager to become your guardian for some reason... he couldn't let that happen

sometimes being exposed to other ✨Magic chemicals✨ and stuff like that during class can mess a little with the shapeshifting potion you took earlier.

Some days you'll look a little shorter, your voice will be a little higher, stuff like that.

it's not till you call in sick one day that he notices.

you were NOT expecting visits at Ramshackle so you didn't take your potion today.

It would be lunch break by now and Crewel decided to bring you something warm from the cafeteria so you didn't have to get up and cook.

when he gets to your room guided by the ghosts you're covered in blankets and he could only see half your face.

it's weird, your features look ...softer today.

then you noticed he was there, and the moment you opened your mouth-

"pup... are you alright? you sound a little weird toda-"

then he sees some empty bottles on the floor, turns out grim likes to play with them.

"Y/n, is there something you want to tell me?"

Well, you've been caught.

You tell him about what Crowley told you when you originally got here.

He's a little mad but he understands it.

However, he's PISSED at the fact that he hadn't noticed earlier.

After that day he doesn't treat you any different, but he teaches you how to make those kind of potions from scratch (even if they last less) just in case.

Mozus Trein

He didn't know what it was but there was something you were hiding from him.

he's not an old fashioned [ women should stay at the kitchen and take care of the children ] kind of man, but an old fashioned [ women and men are different, and excel at different subjects even if they can technically do anything they put their minds on ] kind.

So sometimes in history class he noticed that his words could get... reactions out of you.

even if it's something as subtle as rolling your eyes, frowning two seconds or subtly scratching your nose with your middle finger as you looked away.

But one day he said something that just got under your skin. Something about women being historically and factually worse at this specific subject...

Where you only got straight A's.

so you confronted him after the lesson ended.

"But why are you so upset, y/n? it's only common knowledge, one day you'll know what I'm talking about."

"Oh but i do know."

as he raised an eyebrow you told him to go over to Ramshackle for some tea later.

Once he showed up you served him tea, you also brought some old graded tests and projects.

"Ah, yes, as applied as always i see, is this the reason you wanted me to come?"

"Actually i just wanted to prove you wrong about earlier."

Before he could ask, the potion's effects wore off.

the old man was DUMBFOUNDED.

???????????????

since WHEN-

was this some kind of prank??? WAIT IT WASN'T???

he's speechless for a solid 3 minutes.

"I see... I understand now."

Just like Crewel he won't treat you any different.

But you will notice from now on how he puts more care into his own words.

Ashton Vargas

Just like Crewel, he didn't suspect a thing.

if fact it takes him even longer to find out the truth.

you weren't exactly the best at P.E but you were alright, and you had very decent grades in general.

However he's certain that you should be in a better shape by now...

He got you training 24/7 and yet there's little to no change on your appearance.

He's not expecting you to look like him or anything but

you should've built some muscle mass by now ????

what he didn't know was that, behind closed doors, your actual body showed a HUGE improvement

but any time you shapeshifted to your male self, it would always look the same, since it's just an illusion.

one day you were taking too long in the changing room and before he could come in to check, you texted him.

this was URGENT you needed him to get a certain bottle from Ramshackle and bring it back here, leaving it by the door.

He's PANICKING because the potion doesn't even have a label. so he jumps to the conclusion that it's some kind of medicine that you need but didn't tell him about.

he feels SO GUILTY after having you exercising everyday

he doesn't even remember that you wanted him to leave it by the door so he comes in and-

you had already changed to your regular uniform. But you looked different.

"Wh- why are you so small???"

your uniform looked so big on you.

you had no option but to explain the situation.

he stays silent for a while and then- "Okay, i understand, it's just like one of my favorite legends! it's so motivating!"

he then proceeds to tell you about the entire plot of Mulan.

He won't treat you differently after that, but makes sure you get enough iron for when it's ... necessary.

Sam

not a guardian

But is the second one ever to discover what's going on with you.

Crowley sent you to get your potions, since they're fairly cheap, he will take care of that.

You made sure to go while everyone else was in class.

When you stepped in, at first Sam didn't assume anything.

It's not uncommon for some students to have fairly feminine features, like Epel or Lilia.

However one can usually tell the moment their voice is revealed.

You asked him for a shapeshifting potion and he had lots of them.

There's the ones that merfolk use to get legs and humans to get a tail and fins...

There's others that keep your face neat and perfect for hours.

There were this ones, (fairly popular on campus) that may interest you, they're pricey but you only have to take a few of them and it changes you permanently, it doesn't only affect your appearance but also your hormones.

And finally there's this ones that only last for a few hours and they're just an illusion.

it can turn you into anything you want, but it's effects are a little weak . It can wear off fast depending on your metabolism.

You only need it for your body and voice so it's okay.

Since he knows your little secret whenever you come to buy anything with your friends he will drop some hints, not enough for them to suspect anything but he will have a laugh or two by teasing you.

[notasapleasure]

tagged by @ireallyamabear and echoing the sentiment: are you sure you want to know me? Well here goes :)

rules: answer and tag 9 people you want to catch up with/get to know better

favorite color: I'm a sucker for BRG

last song: Das Kapital - Blindsker

currently reading: I read a chapter of Moby Dick! Liked it. Read a couple of poems from a compilation of contemporary women poets from Georgia, mainly got annoyed because That's Not How I'd Translate That. Reading some other poems for work, and a novel which I'm *really* enjoying, and a tome on medieval Irish law has just landed in my intray, which...doesn't sound thrilling, but who knows. But my ability to sit down and just enjoy a book for fun still hasn't returned from the war.

currently watching: two episodes left of s3 of The Expanse to finish, we got delayed thinking we'd carry on watching with my mum when she comes to visit but never got round to it so finally caved and started just watching for ourselves. Now Ed's away for three weeks, so that'll be on hiatus again. I'll be catching up with Doctor Who, finally working up the emotional strength for S2 of In The Flesh and maybe, if Netflix stops being such a whiny bitch about me renewing my subscription, I *will* renew my subscription because I'm curious about Scavengers Reign. And I *really* need to catch up with IWTV.

currently craving: prev's answer was €100000 which I can't really say I'm not craving but, otherwise, the feeling of being deeply mired in progress on part 2 of the saga au rather than being stuck chipping my way through the opening chapters. Oh god, also some actual summer weather. Please. I know this is Ulster, but constant rain, north winds, and highs of 13C in June, really? *sob*

coffee or tea: coffee. black. no sugar.

no pressure tags for nine of you plus anyone else who wants to say I tagged them: @distressednoise, @erinaceina, @boatcats, @stripedroseandsketchpads, @notabuddhist, @kheldara , @batri-jopa , @sailorsally , @jimtheviking

[filledwithfullmetal]

so ive been getting really into percy jackson lately and i thought itd be fun to combine that interest with fma and assign a bunch of characters a godly parent. this is for funsies so dont take it too seriously

ed and al: first of all they definitely have the same godly parent. but i could see them as a wide variety of options. zeus (thunder and the sky) because the lightning that comes with alchemic transmutations and the prodigy child reputation, athena (strategic war and useful crafts) for their smarts and battle sense, nike (victory) for their determination to achieve their goals

winry: hephaestus (fire and mechanics) 100000%

mustang: hermes (thieves and travelers) okay hear me out about this one- hes pretty sneaky and is constantly making connections. yeah hephaestus is fire but hes not good enough with machines so no

hawkeye: apollo (music healing and archery) bc of her kickass sharpshooting

maes: athena or maybe even hebe (youth)

ling: hermes

lan fan: ares (war) for her skill with weapons

scar: nemesis (revenge)

if you want me to do more feel free to suggest characters or even give your own ideas

[hushedhippie]

It's none of my business but the other day you posted about reaching out to a therapist for your ed. Just wondering if you went through with that. You seem like a really cool person so I hope all is well

TRIGGER WARNING

AH AN UPDATE!!!! I have one!!!

SO, the clinic reached back to me & I didn’t get the best news I wanted to hear as to what they thought was the best path of recovery to take. It was basically decided I should go inpatient which makes me feel so many emotions. Anger at myself, at my younger self for starting this shit & romanticizing it. Fear because I don’t want that at all - obviously. A lot of fear over cost, what about my job I WORKED SO HARD TO GET INTO, what about me having to pay rent but not being able to work. It makes my head spin. It makes me sick. It’s been something that really just sucked more life out of me. BUT that clinic didn’t have any beds atm so they referred me else where.

I called another clinic & asked about the cost of inpatient. I’m so desperate to fucking be free from my god damn ed that maybe I’d be willing to take a month away to get help. They said they were going to run my insurance & call me back with an estimate - they never called me back but you bet your ass imma follow up because I’m DONE suffering.

Which leads me to where I am at now in my journey of truly actually getting my mental health together FOR REAL. I have an in person therapy appointment Thursday with someone new. I was selfish and chose a female therapist to make me more comfortable instead of being like, “oh whatever” & getting a man & 100000% be uncomfortable (sorry male doctors. Truly nothing against you & all respect to your work/practice. It’s just a mind thing, I swear). I was BRUTALLY honest on my intake form as to why I was seeking therapy, what I have been feeling, & what I’m looking to get out of therapy. And I plan to be brutally honest with the therapist because I am so so so tired of being a prisoner of my mind. Tired of years passing by that could have been filled with more memories if I weren’t so stuck in my toxic way.

A lot of my current eating disorder problems have changed from when I was younger. At first, it was about being skinny skinny skinny & not eating & exercising & achieving control/“that look”. But I’m an adult now & I know I can’t do that or I’ll literally fucking die & all my dreams I worked so hard for will go to waste. So my eating disorder became a horrible “habit” I say now. I won’t go into details because I’m ✨not a thinspo✨ BUT what I’m trying to get to is my panic attacks relate a lot to my eating/ed and I think talking to someone about my patterns, triggers, and fears will help guide me to getting fully away from the point of maintaining where I’m at essentially. That’s what I want to try first before I fully commit to inpatient. And if it takes weekly sessions, fuck the cost. For myself, my cloud, and my future, I’ll do it. (So if I post my onlyfans, hml to help pay for my therapy✨✨) I plan to quite frankly because that’s what I feel I need.

So that’s the current update🙂