#But it’s also a movie where a guy kicks another guy in the stomach and rips off his arms and then uses said arms as a weapon

[findingtheperfectcharacter]

…

[flowersforbucky]

down bad

bucky barnes x reader

author's note: i couldn't stop thinking about bucky being able to use his metal hand as a vibrator and therefore this was born.

warnings/tags: SMUT, oral (female receiving), fingering, bucky being used as a human vibrator, multiple orgasms, language, consumption of alcohol, reader is afab, no use of y/n, slightly possessive bucky, 18+ only

word count: 3.9k

“You’ve got to be fucking joking,” Natasha mutters through a mouth full of popcorn. “Tyler from the statistics department? Are we talking about the same Tyler from statistics?”

“Nat, for the fourth time, yes. Tyler from statistics. The only Tyler from statistics that I know.” You reach for the bottle of Moscato that the two of you are sharing, pouring yourself some more wine.

“Nuh-uh,” Natasha shakes her head. “I don't believe you. There's no way he could be that bad.” She takes a sip from her own glass of wine. “He's too gorgeous,” she shrugs, turning to face you on the couch. The romantic comedy you had picked out for your bi-monthly movie night plays forgotten in the background.

“Trust me,” you sigh. “I was just as shocked as you are. But I swear on my life, he stuck his tongue in my ear. In my fucking ear, but wouldn't go down on me.” You can tell by the look on her face that Nat is trying her hardest not to laugh.

“He said his dick game is ‘too good to need to eat a girl out’.” You shake your head, cringing at the memory. “Which is also what he said when I merely suggested that he use my vibrator on me instead. He looked like I had kicked his dog.”

“Well?” she asks, a pained expression across her features. “Was it? Too good?”

“I didn't stay to find out,” you admit. “I faked a work emergency and dipped.” A laugh breaks through her pursed lips.

“I'm sorry–” she says, although her face says otherwise. “I shouldn't laugh. You just have the worst luck with men. Isn't that the third failed hook-up in what? Six months?”

“Don't fucking remind me,” you groan, throwing your head back on the couch and staring up at the living room ceiling. “I think I've lost all hope of ever having an orgasm given to me by another person again.”

Nat opens her mouth to speak, but quickly closes it when you both notice voices approaching from the hallway.

Sam and Bucky enter the room a moment later, both dressed uncharacteristically nice. You suddenly feel the desire to conceal yourself with the fleece throw blanket laying across your lap. You and Nat usually plan your movie nights for when the tower is relatively empty, so you're just wearing a pair of old sweatpants and a tank top. Bare-faced and hair unstyled, the fact that Bucky's gaze is locked on you as the two of them approach where you and Nat are lounging doesn't help. He's not smiling - but there's a look on his face that you don't quite understand. The ghost of a smirk on his lips and a twinkle of amusement in his eyes.

It's a look that makes you nervous - in addition to already feeling flutters in the pit of your stomach at how fucking good he looks.

“Hey, boys,” Nat greets them cheerily. “Where are the two of you going so dolled up?”

“There's a new nightclub in Brooklyn that a group of SHIELD trainees are going to tonight,” Sam answers. “They invited us and we've got nothing better to do. Figured we'd go check it out, get a few drinks. You ladies want to tag along? Or are you too busy watching - what is this, 10 Things I Hate About You?” He gestures towards the screen.

“Couldn't hurt to get out of the house for a while tonight, right?” Nat looks at you for confirmation, a knowing gleam in her eyes. “Who knows, you might even meet someone,” she adds, nudging you with her elbow.

Bucky lets out a sound halfway between a laugh and a cough, which he tries to play off as the latter. You narrow your eyes at him before glancing back to Natasha.

“For sure,” you agree, trying to ignore Bucky's bizarre behavior. “Couldn't hurt. You guys go on, we'll get ready and head there soon. Text us the name of the club?” You direct the last part to Sam in particular.

“You got it,” Sam says as he pulls his cell phone from his coat pocket. He turns to leave when both your and Nat’s phones chime with the club information. “Let's go man, our Uber's here,” he directs at Bucky.

“See you both soon,” he says before turning to follow Sam, though his gaze is still only on one of you.

“I'm gonna go throw on some make-up, curl my hair, and hope I can find something somewhat cute to–” Nat starts as soon as Bucky and Sam have turned back down the hallway.

“Was he acting kind of odd?” you interrupt her in a hushed tone.

“Barnes? Always. I've stopped reading into it too much.”

“Some spy you are,” you mumble. “Meet me back here when you're ready.”

— — — — —

One hour later, you're applying some last minute mascara and lip gloss in the backseat of an Uber on your way to downtown Brooklyn. Natasha sits beside you, ranting about an assignment that Fury has tasked her with and you swear you're trying your hardest to absorb everything she's saying - but your mind keeps going back to the way Bucky was looking at you just an hour ago.

What was with that little smirk? That curious glimmer in his eyes? Had he overheard your conversation with Nat? Had he developed the ability to read minds and knew you were thinking about how fucking hot he looked? Or was that thought simply written all over your face?

You knew you couldn't deny it. Bucky does look exceptionally attractive in his black suit, with his perfectly tousled hair - but you had found him to be ridiculously good looking since you'd first met him. Even in casual, everyday clothes, even in gym shorts and drenched in sweat, even covered in blood after particularly brutal miss–

“You girls have a great evening,” your Uber driver interrupts your train of thought as he comes to a stop in front of your destination.

You really need to get fucking laid. You definitely shouldn't be having these kinds of thoughts about Bucky. He's your coworker, your teammate, your training partner on many occasions, your friend…

Natasha thanks him and hands him a generous cash tip before climbing out of the car right after you.

“Thanks,” you tell her. “I'll buy our drinks.”

“Don't worry about me,” she tells you with a sly grin as you both flash the bouncer your IDs and enter the club. Despite the night still being relatively young, it's already bustling inside.

“You just focus on meeting people, mingling, maybe hitting it off with a super hot guy and taking him back to your place for some mind-blowing–”

“Super hot guy? Are you talking about me?” Sam’s voice interrupts Nat. You both turn around to see him and Bucky walking towards you, drinks in hand.

There's a roguish smile on Bucky's face as his eyes skim up and down your figure.

“You both look wonderful,” he compliments, but once again, his stare is focused only on you. If Natasha notices, she says nothing.

To be fair, you were impressed with how well you managed to put yourself together with such little notice. You found a black, backless mini dress crammed in the back of your closet that you had forgotten all about after snagging it on clearance forever ago. The form-fitting material hugs you in all the right ways, and paired with your favorite pair of strappy black heels, you're feeling infinitely more confident than you were when Bucky saw you just an hour prior.

“Thanks!” You chirp quickly, averting your gaze from him to take in your surroundings. To your left, the dance floor is lively, though not too overcrowded for your liking. To your right, there's a bar surrounded by tables filled with groups of people conversing - you vaguely recognize a couple of SHIELD agents huddled around one. The entire room is illuminated by the faint blue-green glow of the mood lighting, and the bass of the music vibrates through the floorboards.

Sam and Bucky excuse themselves to go say hey to the group of agents that had invited them, while Nat all but drags you over to the bar. You order a double shot of whiskey and throw it back as quickly as you can.

“I see what you mean now,” Nat whispers to you after downing her shot of tequila. “About Barnes,” she clarifies. “He's been eye-fucking you since we walked through the door.”

If you hadn't already swallowed your liquor, you would have spewed it all over her.

“He has not been eye-fucking me, Nat,” you say in an almost scolding tone.

“I'm just saying,” she throws her hands up. “There’s no way he could possibly be any worse than the last few guys you've gone for. I think you should go for it,” she shrugs.

“It's not that I don't think he'd be good,” you say defensively, forcing yourself to look away from where he and Sam are socializing with the small group of SHIELD agents a few tables away. “I just don't want things to be weird afterwards. We work together nearly every day, and we have a bunch of mutual friends–”

“Suit yourself,” she cuts you off in a tone of voice that very much says if you say so. “Now, are you going to dance with me or not?” She adds as she begins tugging you towards the ever-busying dance floor.

You spend the next half hour dancing with Nat before she's swept away by some black-haired doctor looking type. Good for her, you think as you watch them converse intimately at a small booth on the other side of the room.

Thanks to the liquid courage that runs through your veins, you're okay with the fact that Bucky stands just twenty feet away from you, watching you as you dance among the thick crowd of people.

You've made eye contact with him a few times now - on accident or on purpose, you're not sure at this point. But each time, your eyes lingers on his for a moment longer than the last.

You're mentally daring him to come here, to make a move, to do something other than stand to the sidelines of whatever conversation Sam and the others are engaged in.

The slightest bit of pressure on your waist snaps you back to the now congested dance floor.

You look up to find that the hand on your waist belongs to a tall man with shoulder length, sandy blonde hair. He's conventionally attractive enough, though not who you were hoping would come grab you on the dance floor.

“I'm Shawn,” he introduces himself, loudly enough for you to hear him over the roaring music. You tell him your name, pushing aside the pang of disappointment in your chest.

“Do you want to go somewhere a bit quieter to talk, maybe? Let me buy you a drin–”

“There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you,” a voice booms from behind you.

Shawn immediately retracts his hand from your waist, backing up a few inches as Bucky comes into view beside you.

“Must not have been looking too hard, I've been right here this whole time,” you jab back with a smug smile.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to–” Shawn says as he starts to back away.

“No worries, bud,” Bucky says in an overly friendly voice as he moves to stand in front of you, blocking you from Shawn's view entirely.

“Took you long enough,” you tell Bucky once the man is out of ear shot, once again beginning to sway to the music. “Get bored of listening to Sam hype himself up to the newbies?”

He takes a step closer, angling himself behind you. The crowd of people surrounding you edges you closer to him - your bare back brushing against the cool satin fabric of his suit.

“Maybe,” his chest vibrates against your skin when he speaks. He places his hands on either side of your hips - eliciting goosebumps across your skin in a way that no one else has in a long, long time.

“Or maybe I just wanted to save you from wasting your time on another guy who can't make you come.”

Your movements come to an abrupt pause as his words hit you.

He had fucking overheard your conversation with Natasha.

At a loss for words, you turn to face him. There's a shit-eating grin spread across his face. He thinks this is hilarious and it's obvious.

“Hasn't anyone ever told you it's rude to eavesdrop?”

“Is it really eavesdropping if I have superhuman hearing?” He takes a step closer to you, closing what little distance was separating you. The peaks of your breasts brush against his chest.

“So what happens now that you've saved me from another unsatisfactory hook-up?” You challenge, staring up at him in the neon blue lighting.

You can smell hints of cedarwood and sage from his cologne in your close proximity. It's so delicious that it's dizzying.

“Let me take you somewhere more private than this dance floor and I'll show you.”

“You seem to have a lot of confidence in your ability to give me a better experience,” you say, leaning forward so that your face is just inches from his.

He responds by placing his flesh hand on the small of your back and pulling you flush against him. The tips of his fingers continue to dance down the skin of your exposed spine. His vibranium hand comes to cradle your jaw, his metal thumb tracing your bottom lip.

His mouth forms a dark smirk - and then you feel it. It starts soft and subtle and then gradually increases in intensity.

His fucking thumb is vibrating against your lip.

If you hadn't been standing in the middle of a crowded dance floor at a nightclub in downtown Brooklyn, you would have taken that thumb into your mouth and sucked on it right then and there.

“What do you say?” he asks, now tugging on your bottom lip with the pulsing digit. “Are you going to let me take you to the first empty room I can find in this place and make you come?”

“I say show me the way.”

He removes his hand from your face and turns you in the direction of the back of the club. He guides you through the throng of dancers, keeping his hands placed firmly on either side of your waist from behind. His vibranium fingers still hum softly, reminding you of what he says is to come.

Directly past the dance floor, there's a hallway blocked off by a rope with a sign that reads employees only. Taking a quick look around, you see that all of the patrons surrounding you and Bucky are paying you no mind. Bucky unhooks the flimsy rope and the two of you slip down the hallway.

He jiggles the handles of several doors that all turn out to be locked. Not wanting to waste any time or draw any attention to yourselves with picking locks, you continue down the dark corridor until the heavy music from the heart of the club fades to a muted roar.

The very last door opens without a hitch.

Thanks to the pale orange glow of a table lamp on a desk in the corner of the room, you can see that you're in a makeshift office/supply room - a couple of filing cabinets, cleaning supplies, extra glassware, and some sound equipment strewn haphazardly throughout the limited space.

Bucky clicks the lock into place as soon as he closes the door behind him.

You're going to turn around him and tell him that he doesn't have to do this - that as badly as you want this, you don't want to ruin your friendship, that as badly as you want him, he doesn't have anything to prove to you - but his lips are already on yours as soon as you start to open your mouth.

He doesn't take his lips off of yours as he guides you backwards to the rickety wooden desk. The backs of your thighs hit the table and Bucky effortlessly lifts you to sit on the edge, giving him the perfect angle to deepen the kiss - with his tongue exploring your mouth, you're unable to stop yourself from groaning into the kiss.

You fist your fingers into his hair, tugging just hard enough so that he hisses into your mouth. His own hands trail from the sides of your stomach and down your thighs, until he reaches the tail of your dress. You instinctively part your legs for him, as much as the restrictive fabric will allow, and his vibranium hand shoots between your thighs.

He teases you, dragging his index finger along the cloth of your panties that you know you're close to soaking through already. Just as the tip of his finger pauses above your clit, his finger begins emitting the softest vibration.

You break the kiss, breathless as you throw your head back at the sensation. Bucky takes it as an opportunity to attach his lips to the pulse point of your throat, nipping your flesh with his teeth followed by a wet kiss.

He continues with the ministrations through your panties until you're rutting against his hand, needing more. He tugs your underwear to the side and increases the intensity of the vibration before nudging his middle finger past your entrance.

You have to hold onto his shoulders to steady yourself - despite the fact that you're sitting, your body feels like jelly beneath his touch. He adds in his index finger with ease before cupping your pussy in his palm - the heel of his hand pulsating against your clit.

“Fuck, Bucky,” you cry against his mouth.

“You're so fucking wet for me, you know that?” He coos, thrusting both of his fingers against the spongy-flesh of your walls.

You can feel the vibrations of his hand all the way from your belly to your toes.

You begin grinding your hips to meet the movement of his fingers, fucking yourself against his hand. There's a familiar knot forming in your lower belly as he curls his fingers inside you -

“I want you to think about me and how good I'm making you feel every time you think about letting some fuckin’ nobody touch you,” he says in a low voice next to your ear. “I want you to think about riding my fingers until you come all over my hand.”

His words send you over the edge and you do exactly that - your pussy clenching around his fingers as you ride them through your orgasm. While you're still coming down from the high of your climax, Bucky pulls his metal fingers out of you and brings them to your lips, inserting his index finger in your mouth. You swirl your tongue around the slick metal as he brings the vibrations to a halt and then slowly pulls the finger from your mouth.

He picks you up off the edge of the desk and plants you back on the ground - your legs still shaking from how hard you had come.

“Turn around and lean over the desk,” he instructs you, soft but authoritative.

You don't know if it's because of the way he's looking at you or because of how good he's already made you feel, but in that moment, you would've done anything he asked of you.

You bend over the desk, supporting yourself by leaning on your forearms. You peak back over your shoulder to look at Bucky - he hikes your dress up, baring your ass to him.

He lets out an audible groan before he has even pulled your panties down to your ankles.

He kneels on the ground behind you, his face inches away from your cunt. He uses both his flesh and metal hands to spread you open for him, and then his tongue is licking up your center from behind.

God, you hope no one tries to come into this room. The door may be locked but the sounds that someone would hear if they even walked up to the door…

Bucky knows just how to make you writhe above him. He's soft when he's kissing up your folds and unsparing when he's sucking your clit between his lips. His hands hold your ass in a firm grasp that teeters between pleasure and pain.

You grind back against his face and he moans so deeply that you feel the vibration of it up your core. Your eyes roll back into your head as you clutch the sides of the desk to better support yourself.

His enthusiasm alone has you spiraling towards a second climax embarrassingly fast.

“You know,” he murmurs against your sensitive pussy. “When I overheard you say that someone had refused to go down on you, I couldn't believe it. What a fuckin idiot to pass this up.” He gives your ass cheek a firm slap with his flesh hand before diving his face between your legs once more.

It's just seconds before you feel the telltale pressure growing in your lower belly once more. You go limp against the table, Bucky placing his hands on the backs of your thighs to help keep you upright as you ride out your orgasm on his face.

You continue to lay against the desk as you regain control of your breathing. Bucky stands up, tugging your panties up your legs and back around your waist as he does. He then shimmies your dress back down into place so that you're once again looking club-appropriate.

When you turn around to face him, he's wiping your slick from his lower face on the sleeve of his suit, once again displaying a shit-eating grin.

“What was it you said?” He asks in mocking contemplation. “You had lost all hope of ever having an orgasm given to you by another person again?”

“I think you've made your point. You're fantastic at eating pussy and you're a walking human-sex toy.” You roll your eyes at him and start to walk towards the door, but he grabs your wrist in his metal hand, stopping you.

He pulls you back to him and brings his flesh hand to cradle your jawline. He stares at you in a heavy, uncertain silence for a split second before bringing his lips to yours.

It's a kiss that's a bit more hesitant, and a lot less rushed than the one before. You taste yourself all over him, warm and salty. He takes his time getting lost in your mouth - you savor every second and it still comes to and end all too once.

“Couldn't help myself,” he smiles softly when he pulls away. “Just had to kiss you one last time.”

You can't help the way your heart skips a beat when he says the word last.

You clear your throat. “We should probably go find Sam and Natasha,” you say, giving him a small smile in return. “I'm sure they're both wondering where the hell we are.”

You spend the rest of the evening attempting to mingle with friends, but there's one thought that torments you for the remaining duration of the night - just a few hours ago, you doubted that you'd ever have a satisfactory hook-up ever again.

Now, you had to wonder if anyone else could ever make you feel as good as Bucky did.

♡♡♡♡♡

i left this kind of open-ended soooo leave it to your own interpretation what happens next for them 🤭

as always comments/reblogs are infinitely appreciated. thanks for reading!

my masterlist

[moodriingz]

Waiting Room pt. 2 | Q. Hughes

Summary | part one it’s Quinn’s turn to pine over the reader while she tries to move on, but can she do that when she’s still in love with Quinn?

Pairing | Quinn Hughes x reader, Elias Peterson x platonic!reader, reader x oc

Warnings | Angst?, mutual (but blind) pinning, cursing maybe 

Author's Note | Thank you so much for all of your support for part one! I feel so bad that it took me forever to write part two, but this semester really kicked my ass. I hope this lives up to the hype. I honestly just wanted to get it done to move on if that makes sense? I’m hoping to continue writing so feel free to send requests! I’ve also recently gotten into F1 so you can send requests for that too!! xx

Masterlist

“You were so right, me and Evan got along so well. He’s great. We’re going on another date too.” 

Quinn felt sick to his stomach. Not only had your friendship dwindled out of nowhere, but now you’re with someone else. Worst of all there was no explanation to why you pulled away. Quinn racked his brain for any reason why you would stop hanging out with him. 

Now he had to watch you give your attention to someone else. He was so jealous of this random guy. Quinn wondered what made Evan better than him? All he knew was that the bright smile and light blush you seemed to always have was for some other guy now. 

A couple of weeks passed and Quinn barely spends time with the team outside of practice and chooses to spend his time going through old photos and videos of the two of you or watching anything you’ve ever suggested to him. He’s halfway through one of your favorite movies when there’s a knock on his door. His heart flutters hoping it's you, but is immediately let down when he realizes that it's Elias and Brock at his door.

“What do you want,” He asks begrudgingly, leaving the door open as he returns to his couch.

“We wanted to make sure that you’re alive,” Elias said.

“Well now you know bye,” Quinn quips at them.

“Dude something is up with you and we’re not leaving until we find out,” Brock said.

“Is this about Y/N?” Elias asked.

“Fine yeah it’s about Y/N. I just really miss her,” Quinn admits after taking a deep breath.

“We used to talk almost everyday and that all stopped on the last road trip and now she’s seeing that new guy. I was finally going to ask her out and she just shut down.”

“Wait you were? You told me you didn’t see her that way and she overheard,” Elias says confused.

“She heard me? Why didn’t you say anything?” Quinn asks as his heart shatters all over again. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt you.

“She was so upset and I didn’t think I could change your mind. She had been pinning after you for months and you never did anything, so I just believed you,” Elias said with a shrug.

“I didn’t think she felt the same way so I was just putting my feelings aside because I cared more about our friendship,” Quinn says, putting his head in his hands. “I think I royally fucked up.”

“Maybe not, Y/N and Evan don’t seem super serious yet. You might be able to wiggle your way back in with her,” Elias says sitting down with Quinn.

“I don’t even know where to start.”

“Maybe bring her coffee? Start there and see what happens,” Brock suggests and Quinn just nods making a game plan to get his girl back.

The next morning he gets up early for practice to go pick up your coffee from the cafe you always go to. He knew where to go because the cafe printed their logo on their cups and he had plenty of time to take note of it. As he walked in he immediately recognized your silhouette waiting in line.

“Looks like you beat me to it today,” Quinn says walking up to you in line.

“Beat me to what?” You ask confused why after not talking to each other for a month he decided to come to your cafe.

“I was going to bring you coffee today,” He says awkwardly with a small smile on his face.

“Oh well you can still pay if you want,” You suggest as a joke.

“Yeah I guess that’s true,” Quinn says, hoping a conversation would start on its own. After a minute of silence he gives in and asks, “So what’s new with you I feel like we haven’t really talked that much recently.”

“Nothing much, you know filming you guys all day,” You say wondering if you should mention Evan. It’s still so new and you don’t know if it's going to work out, but he makes you so happy.

“I actually just started seeing this guy. His name is Evan, I think you would like him actually, he's really nice,” You say, deciding to rip off the bandaid.

Quinn knew he wouldn’t like Evan because he was getting with the girl of his dreams.

“Yeah maybe you should bring him out with us after a game or something. I'd love to meet him,” Quinn says kicking himself because that’s the last thing he wants, but anything to get back in your good graces. 

You give him a smile at his comment thinking of what to say next. Luckily for you the barista calls for you two to order. And just like you suggested, Quinn paid. He offers you a ride to the arena before you even start walking back to the metro station to get to work.

You both sit in silence trying to think of anything to talk about. You finally start the conversation by mentioning that an author you had recommended to him a while ago put out a new book and how excited you were to pick it up. 

Just like that the two of you fell back into conversation like you hadn’t missed a beat. You arrive at the arena way quicker than you thought you would and almost don’t want to get out of the car and leave Quinn again. You walk inside and as you are about to separate, but Quinn stops you.

“Would you like to go stop at a bookstore after work today to pick up that book? I could take you home after so you don’t have to take the metro home,” He asks hoping you would say yes.

Yeah that would be really nice. I’ve really missed hanging out with you,” You say with a smile and leaving to go get your work started.

“What’s got you smiling like that? Evan?” Megan, your coworker, asks jokingly.

“Actually no I ran into Quinn this morning when I was getting my coffee and we just talked for a while. Now we’re hanging out after work,” you say, taking a sip of coffee. Hoping to hide your smile behind your cup.

“Wait, really I thought you two were going to avoid each other forever.”

“Well I guess not. He said he was going there to pick up my coffee which was really sweet of him.”

“Oh he’s so into you,” Megan says sitting back in her chair. 

“No he’s not, why would you say that?”

“Think about it, he stops talking to you right after you start seeing Evan and out of nowhere he’s doing all of these nice things for you?” 

You stop and think about it, but there’s no way he told Elias that he could never see you that way. You brush it off and get on with your day. You didn’t have to shoot any content today so you didn’t see any of the guys during their practice, but Quinn was waiting for you after work to take you to go find your book.

You try not to think about what Megan said to you today, pushing it to the back of your mind. Once the two of you get to the bookstore you feel like a kid in a candy store showing Quinn all of the books you had on your reading list but haven’t gotten yet. Without you paying attention he grabbed a basket and started throwing them in there to pay for them himself.

He finally leads you up to the counter and insists on paying for all of the books he grabbed for you. You try to convince him that he didn’t need to but you were cut off by the clerk.

“Girl just let your cute boyfriend pay for your books. That’s what I would do.” You try to deny the accusation from this random teenager, but before you could they were announcing the total and Quinn was inserting his card. He grabbed the bag and walked you back out to the car.

“Sorry if what they said was weird, but just think of it as a payback for all of those coffees you got me,” Quinn said, trying to make you feel better.

“No it’s fine I think it’s kinda funny actually.” You say finally realizing you were there for several hours and were too tired to make dinner.

“I think I’m just going to order take-out for dinner if you want to keep hanging out at my place,” You say with a blush creeping up your cheeks.

“Yeah that’d be great,” Quinn says as you start ordering. He stops at the restaurant while you run in to pick it up. He decides to text Elias and Brock an update and that he’ll tell them more later. 

The drive to your apartment was filled with playful banter about what you should watch and Quinn just watches you as the streetlights illuminate your face. The two of you finally arrive and settle on a new movie you just saw. It really didn’t take much convincing for him to give in; he just wanted to push your buttons a little bit.

Later, they are surrounded by take out tins and you’re starting to drift off. At some point during the movie your head ended up on Quinn’s shoulder and you started to doze off. Quinn wasn’t complaining, but felt like it was time for him to go as the credits started to roll.

“Hey Y/n/n wake up,” He says quietly as you groan and cuddle into him further. “Y/n/n you have to get up-the movie’s over.”

When there’s no sign of you moving he decides to just pick you up and bring you to your bed. Thinking you’re asleep he decides to give you a “friendly” kiss on your forehead and says goodnight. You feel the butterflies that you thought were now reserved for Evan coming back all over again. Quinn grabs the trash from the takeout and sees himself out, and can’t seem to wipe the smile off his face. On his way home he decides to call Elias.

“Elias I’m in so deep I don’t know what to do,” Quinn says concerned because he doesn’t want to break you and Evan up and ruin something else for you.

“Wait what happened?” Elias asked confused because all Quinn had told him was that they were heading back to her place.

“I kissed her-” Quinn said before Elias cut him off.

“You what? You move fast, man.”

“Well I kind of kissed her. She fell asleep on my shoulder and wouldn’t move so I carried her back to her room and then I kissed her forehead. Now I’m going home,” Quinn says still with a deep smile on his face. “I just don’t know what to do.”

“I guess act like nothing happened. She was asleep right? Just leave it be for now and still hang out with her. I can talk to her and see what’s going on with Evan and then you can go from there.”

“Yeah good point thanks Elias, I’ll see you later.”

The next day you walk into work reminiscing last night with Quinn hoping you could relive it again soon. Silly crush aside, you missed your best friend and wanted things to go back to normal. 

Elias practically corners you just to ask questions about Quinn.

“Quinn told me you two hung out last night, so you aren’t ignoring him anymore?”

“I was never ignoring him I just was busy,” You say trying to move around him to get to his office.

“Yeah alright. Anyways, how is it going with Ethan?” Elias asks, teasing you.

“Evan is great. I think I might invite him to a game or something soon,” You say, rolling your eyes.

“Oh wait, really?” Elias asks as you start to walk away. “For the record I think that would be a great idea. Maybe next week against Winnipeg?”

“Yeah I’ll have to ask him. Now if you will excuse me I have to go to my desk.” You say finally walking away. 

You set your things down and open your computer and Megan starts questioning you about your evening with Quinn.

“It really wasn’t anything crazy. We just went to the bookstore where he bought all of them for me and then we went back to my place and got dinner,” You tell her leaving out the fact that he brought you to your bed and kissed you goodnight.

“The fact that he bought all of your books is enough to tell me that he’s into you. I know you had a long list you were slowly buying for yourself.” Megan may have set you up with Evan but she wasn’t blind to how much Quinn was into you and vice versa. 

“I’m thinking of inviting Evan to a game. What do you think?” You ask to change the subject.

“I think it would be a good idea if you weren’t afraid of what your work husband would do,” Megan says, teasing you.

“I- what are you talking about,” You ask, hiding your blush.

“Y/N you can pretend to be oblivious, but Quinn really likes you and you should think about his reaction to having your new boyfriend at a game.”

“Who even knows if Evan would want to go,” You say before locking in on your work for the day.

You had already made plans to go out with Evan later that night so you figured it would be the best time to ask him then. You go home and get ready for your date thinking about what Megan said to you earlier in the day. 

Soon enough you leave to go meet Evan at some new restaurant you would never pick out because it was too fancy for your taste. He greets you with a kiss to your cheek asking you how your day was.

“It was good I just had to deal with Megan and Elias berating me all day,” You say, aiming to leave the questions about Quinn out.

“Why would they do that?”

“Oh I was just thinking about inviting you to a game soon and they were just making fun of me,” You say sheepishly.

“That would be so cool! Would you be able to hang out with me or would it be like a wag situation where I just watch you do your magic,” Evan says with a chuckle as you start to look over the menu.

“I could probably get the night off and sit with you. Do you think you’d be free for the game next Saturday against the Jets?”

“Yeah that would be great! I’m looking forward to it!” He says closing his menu to signal he’s ready to order.

You continue to hang out with both Quinn and Evan, but choose not to tell Quinn about your invite for Evan to come to the upcoming game.

Saturday’s game finally rolls around and Quinn notices your absence during the warmups. You usually can be found on the bench shooting content but tonight it’s Megan in your place. 

“Hey Petey do you know where Y/N is tonight?” Quinn asks hoping Elias might have some insight.

“Yeah she’s in the crowd tonight with Evan,” Elias says pointing towards Y/N and Evan in their seats.

Quinn’s heart drops. You had mentioned that you were thinking about inviting Evan but didn’t think it would be so soon. He tries to forget that you brought your boyfriend to the game, but he can’t forget the fact that you’re wearing his jersey. He can’t help but feel a fire ignite when Evan leans in to say something to you. The sense of jealousy does not go away, but there is a sense of pride knowing his name is the one on your back.

You spot Quinn looking at the two of you and give a shy wave like you had been caught. Evan leaves to go grab some water and you are stuck worrying about what Quinn is thinking about you bringing Evan. 

Honestly since you started hanging out with Quinn again you just felt like your heart wasn’t in it with Evan anymore. You were planning on ending it but he kept talking about how excited he was for the game, so You decided to wait until after to end it with him.

There were no goals by either team after the first period, but something about Quinn seemed off. He was checking the other team left and right and was obviously agitated. The crowd is electric even though the Canucks are down 3-2 half way through the third, but it doesn’t seem to help his mood.

Quinn continues to instigate against the Jets and eventually gets himself into a fight against some player who was aggravating him all night. It doesn’t last long, but enough to get himself a penalty. He looks even more upset than before watching over the play.

Y/N was worried for Quinn. He never was this short tempered and she couldn’t figure what made him that upset. Evan can feel the nerves radiating off of her and rubs her shoulder to try and calm her, but he can’t help but feel like he is the last thing she needs right now.

“Hey Y/N I hate to do this here but I think we should probably end this,” Evan says and you finally take your eyes off Quinn. There is nothing you can do but sigh.

“Evan I’m so sorry I really wish I could’ve been better for you.”

“No it’s ok we had a great time and I’m happy being your friend I just think you have feelings for someone else,” Evan says with little to no hurt in his voice.

“Yeah I would love to still be your friend,” You say with a small smile as he gets up to leave.

Quinn sees Evan get up, but he just assumes that Evan is getting you something from the concessions. He realizes he needs to stop focusing on your date tonight and lock in for the rest of the game.

Unfortunately the Canucks lose 4-2 and Quinn looks like a kicked puppy, but luckily he isn’t assigned to interviews so he can just clean up and get ready to head home. He hopes he can just forget this night, especially seeing you with Evan. 

Little does he know that you’re already waiting for him in the hallway all but pacing the area hoping he’s not too upset to talk to you. Quinn keeps his head down not wanting to see all of the sweet reunions of the couples and families until he hears you call his name. 

He almost doesn’t want to stop worrying Evan would be with you, but you ran up to him to get his attention. Quinn turns around surprised to see you alone with a worried look on your face.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” He asks, his voice laced with annoyance. His comment leaves a sting in your chest.

“Um we actually ended it, but I just came to see how you were doing. I was really worried about you. I've never seen you so upset,” You say with worry lacing your voice.

“Well thanks for checking on me but - wait you ended it with Evan?” Quinn asks, lighting back up.

“Yeah we were better off as friends. I honestly wanted to end it a while ago because I kind of have feelings for someone else, but he was really looking forward to the game,” You say rubbing your arm hoping he might start catching on.

“Oh?” Quinn says with a glimmer of hope in his eyes, but still guarded in case it is someone else.

“Yeah he’s some goofball who was stupid and got himself a penalty tonight,” You say, stepping closer to Quinn.

“Well hopefully he can get that under control for the rest of the season, I’m sure you don’t want to be stuck with someone spending time in a box the whole game,” Quinn says with a smirk and leaning in.

You decided to close the gap and the kiss was all you had ever hoped for. There was a mix of fireworks and something that just felt like home as he grabbed your sides to pull you in closer. Neither of you wanted this feeling to end, but unfortunately you had to come back up for air. 

Quinn has the slightest pink tinge and smile on his face as he pulls back far enough to scan your face for any regrets.

“I’ve been waiting to do that for so long,” He says.

“Finally!” Elias says as he rounds the corner to see the two of you still wrapped up in each other's arms.

“I never thought he would make a move,” Elias adds as Quinn tries to hide in your neck.

“Well maybe we should get out of here and talk a little bit,” You suggest and Quinn excitedly nods, grabbing your hand to lead you out.

The two of you get into his car and you leave the arena stealing kisses from each other at stop lights and looking forward to your future together.

[bellalaufeyson69]

Peter Quill x Reader

Jealous FWB

Description: Peter and Yn have a friends with benefits type deal. Yn is always secretly jealous of Peters other girls he brings around but she deals with it. Though one day to Peter’s surprise Yn actually has herself a boy of her own. Peter doesn’t like that at all and feels rather territorial.

Wc ♡ 6.6k

Masterlist ♡

Warnings ♡ suggestive content, swearing

———

Peter and I have been friends with benefits for a long time. Our agreement started after Gamora died and came back a totally different person: someone who didn’t love Peter anymore. I was going through a bad breakup at the time too so we agreed to be each others rebound until we were back on our feet.

Our agreement started with cuddling and kissing. I have this thing where I don’t have sex unless I’m in love, but after so long of having this innocent friends with benefits with Peter I felt I’ve known him so long and I trusted him enough to add it in. So that’s what we were, basically a couple without the label. Neither of us thought about it or what it meant which made it a-lot easier. It was really a go with the flow type of thing.

That’s what I like to tell myself that is. Since we’re just friends we have the freedom to do whatever we want with whoever we want. Peter definitely takes that freedom to use. He’s always been the smooth player type who could bed a decent amount of women. He’s outgoing and shoots his shot, sometimes he gets denied others he doesn’t but it never bothers him either way he just goes with the flow. I on the other hand am not nearly outgoing as he is and I also don’t find any interest in having sex with a bunch of random men. Not that I’ll tell Peter that. Part of me wants him to wonder what do I. That desire is what worries me the most. “Hey,” Peter came in from the hall and left a kiss on my cheek. “I’m gonna be with a chick from knowhere tonight I already told the rest of the gang, is it cool if I use the living room?” He nonchalantly questioned as he grabbed a few chips from the open bag on the coffee table and popping them into his mouth, then plopping down onto the couch.

The thought of him with another girl never used to bother me until we started having sex. It’s my own fault really, it’s because sex isn’t something loose for me, I don’t just do it with anyone. It’s always only been someone special, someone I loved, or someone I knew and trusted for a long time. The realization that I’d given my body to someone and that person taking it, then going around and doing a bunch of other girls right after made my stomach sink. Feels kind of gross. In a degrading way (again my own fault), and also in a… jealous way.

“Hey, did you hear me?” He questioned from his spot on the couch his feet now kicked up on the coffee table.

I quickly snapped out of my jealous trance and nodded my head. “Yeah sorry, I was thinking about the stuff I gotta do today” I lied giving him an innocent smile. “That’s cool with me, just let me know when she leaves I wanna watch my show” This was my way of finding out what him and that wh- girl where really going to do.

He gave a cocky chuckle. “Oh you’ll be waiting a long time then,” he smirked with a tilted head giving me a look that said ‘we’re gonna be doing bad things’. “We’ll probably take it into my room though…” he paused his sentence for a moment in thought. “I mean I can text you when I take her into my room so you can come out if you want…” he said a little more awkwardly now. We both knew that him texting me that was basically him texting me that he was currently boning another girl.

I felt a growing pit of pure rage building up inside of me. I wanted nothing more than for this girl to never show up. No scratch that, for her to show up and for me to punch her in the face. How humiliating is that, the guy I hook up with is going out and banging another girl under the same roof I sleep, he kisses my cheek when the other girls leave, he cuddles me and watches movies, tells me jokes, takes care of me when I’m sick, then fucks another girl. “Ahhh that’s okay, I don’t feel like waiting around all night for a text” I replied through a slightly passive aggressive tone.

He definitely caught that and was a little taken aback by it. His mouth opened for a second then shut again canceling out whatever comment he was about to make. “Okay,” he pursed his lips together and looked around for a second before standing up and walking out of the room.

“Well that was awkward” Rocket noted from the corner of the room where he sat messing with a box of wires.

My face reddened at the realization he’d been there the whole time. “Uhm,” I was at a loss for words because truthfully neither Peter or I ever told anyone about our relationship status. We just kinda snuck around, so I have no idea what’s going on in Rockets head right now. “I-“

“I don’t get why he thinks it���s not weird for us to have to evacuate certain rooms of the ship because some girls coming over and he wants to do gross things with her,” he continued on after noticing I wasn’t really ever gonna get out with a full sentence.

His comment made me feel pretty good. “Yeah! Thank you!” I agreed feeling very understood. Nobody cares what stupid girl you’re with Peter. “Like keep it to yourself dude!” I complained feeling myself get a little too hyper about the situation.

Rocket tilted his head at my energy toward this almost as if he was piecing together my secrete rage jealousy toward the situation. “Yeah…” he trailed looking at me in deep thought before snapping out of it. “Well, that’s Quill” he shrugged then started sifting the wires again.

I decided to go and get ready for our arrival on knowhere. We were originally stopping for fuel but now it’s that and Quills booty call. Like he didn’t already have someone to do that for him on the ship. I thought to myself as I dug through my closet for a cute shirt. Am I not good enough? That he has me as a choice but proceeds to go out and bring someone else in like I’m not even here? I picked out a tight white crop top that fit my body perfectly. It was one of my favorite shirts that I always pair with a cute skirt. Maybe she’s better than me in bed. I grimaced while yanking my shirt over my head. I shook those thoughts out of my mind as they were only getting me riled up. I stood and inspected myself in the mirror to take in my very Earthy style. A tight white crop top, white and light blue plaid skirt with grey Nike Air Force 1 high tops. I spun to look at myself from the back when I heard a knock on the door. Not that the knock mattered any because Peter had already been opening it as he was knocking.

“Hey, oooohh,” he grinned while eyeing my outfit from the door. “I like” he sauntered over and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind me as we looked into the mirror.

I can’t show any hint of negative emotion because I don’t want Peter connecting it to the this dumb girl. So I do my best to fester up a happy little smile. “Thanks” I put my hands over his as he leaned in and kissed my neck a few times softly.

“You guys are all going to go up to Xardecks to hangout and drink, it should be fun” he informed placing his head in the nape of my neck while swaying us. “Just as long as Rocket and Drax behave” he snickers at the thought of those two ever behaving while drinking.

Ordinarily this would be really fun to me but right now I can’t help but to be a pessimist because the thought of him ditching us for a girl is firing me up. The worst part is that he’s sitting here talking to me like it’s no big deal. Which is what I agreed to… I hate that. “Yeah that’s true, we’ll see” I gave a fake laugh before pulling myself from his grip. “How far are we?” I asked while grabbing my phone from my dresser.

He placed his hands in his pockets. “We’re here actually.” He smiled warmly thinking that this would’ve made me excited. Nope, just a sick feeling in my stomach.

I nodded trying my best to not show the pure disinterest in this conversation. “Cool, is everyone ready to go then?” I asked glancing to the door then back at Peter.

He nodded his head. “Yep, ready to get absolutely plastered,” he joked and stepped closer to me taking my hand into his and leading me to the door frame. “I wish I could be there to witness drunk YN, she’s my favorite” he smirked then pulled me into him and held my hand to his chest while rubbing it with his thumb. His eyes darted around my face taking in my features with a small smile before slowly going in and placing a soft and slow kiss on my lips. “Have fun tonight, don’t do anything I would do” he grinned before letting go of my hand and stepping out of the room.

I followed him out into the hall. “Wouldn’t dream of it” I teased earning a silly look from Peter.

We all piled out of the ship and headed into town in a jardec. What the rest of the galaxy calls their version of Uber. A very fancy space car, and or little pod controlled by a bot. Once we got there Peter parted from us, and the rest of us went into Xardecks, a pretty awesome bar/ club we always went to whenever we’d visited Knowhere.

We walked into the building and set for the bars through the sea of drunken aliens. The crowd was a mix of pretty much everything, all types of people and aliens all mingling together which was basically what Knowhere itself consisted of. Drax lead the way as he was always our little body guard who’d shove through anyone to get a spot at the bar. I’d always been too shy to 1 even get a spot at the bar and 2 be seen by the bartender to order a drink. Drax always had both fronts covered. Sometimes Groot was a little mischievous like right now seeing as he’s extending a branch behind the bartenders back to steal an entire three bottles of some random liquor. He turned to us with a wide smile of excitement to which we all cheered him on, except Nebula who’d seemed pretty annoyed to be in the bar at all.

We took the secret bottles and made our way over to the booths and quickly staked our claim at an empty one, placing down our items and the drinks on the table. These boothes were curved booths with only one side and a table in front of it. We always picked the booths at the back of the building because they were next to the weird fights that they had going on with little alien creatures. The guys loved to place bets and instigate other peoples losses. “Okay, who’s taking a shot with me?” I asked while unscrewing the lid of the bottle and taking a sniff. Immediately I’d cringed at the strong scent of the alcohol which made Rocket and Drax laugh historically.

“Let us handle that sweetheart.” Rocket insisted with a cocky attitude as he swiped the bottle from me and took a few chugs. “Whooh. That’s good” he took a scan of his surroundings before patting Drax on the shoulder. “What are the odds that that guy in the blue punches that dude in the yellow?” He pointed out two men who’d seemingly been placing bets on the creatures.

“If that man punches that man I will buy you five shots!” Drax offered full of excitement at the possibility of violence.

Rocket perked up at the comment before grabbing the second bottle of the three and sliding it over to Drax. “Hell yeah, and if not Vice versa. Take this buddy we’re gonna have some fun” Rocket led Drax off over into the chaos of chanting men. Groot stayed for a minute but not without longing looks for his best friend, eventually he’d apologetically left to go and find them leaving me, Nebula, and Mantis at the booth.

We’d all been sharing the last bottle of liquor passing it around in a little circle. “I wish Peter was here, I feel like we’d be having more fun” Mantis sighed as she sat in the booth watching all the people around us dancing, drinking, or doing something crazy. Her comment made me kind of sad because she was completely right. Whenever we went out with Peter he’d always made sure every single one of us was having fun, there was no sitting down, we were all dancing, drinking, and having fun.

Nebula just silently nodded in agreement while her finger traced the table in boredom. “Yeah, me too,” I admitted somewhat sadly. “Enough of that though, let’s get drunk!” I exclaimed trying to hype everyone up. I plucked the bottle from the table and took a big chug. “Common Mantis your turn lets go!!” I chanted pushing the bottle to her. She smiled widely at my energy and took a big chug but not without a cringe after at the strength of the liquor.

“Common Nebula!!” Mantis joined in the changing which definitely made me feel pretty good. We’d both been chanting on Nebula while she took like four chugs being a little show off. “Yeah nebula!!!!” She yelled out waving her hands in the air.

It’s safe to say us girls were definitely feeling it now. We’d definitely started to get a lot more chaotic and a lot more loud. We’d gotten to about a quarter left of the bottle and we’d been sharing funny embarrassing memories of the boys that have happened over the years. “Oh my gosh I have one!!” Mantis slurred grabbing me and Nebula’s arm. “This one time, we were on Earth and it was during one of the Earth celebrations, E-uh- eister?”

I laughed hysterically at her mistake. The liquor definitely made everything ten times more funny. “It’s Easter” I corrected still giggling.

“Easter!! It was Easter and there were soooo many plastic eggs with candy, Drax picked one up thinking it was a real birds egg but he ended up dropping it to find the candy inside. He picked up a few more eggs off the ground and kept opening them to find more candy, he started FREAKING out saying that the birds on this planet gave birth to candy,” she laughed the entire time while trying to explain the story which made even Nebula laugh a little.

“He’s such an idiot” Nebula smiled enjoying the story. She was drunk as a skunk, her head swaying as she listened to us talk. She was smiling a lot more now than on a sober day. Drunk Nebula is so fun.

I went to go and tell another story when I’d noticed Mantis’s eyes shifted somewhere behind me. “Hey ladies,” a few voices spoke from behind me. I turned around and was met with two guys, one of them was jaw droppingly attractive. “I couldn’t help but notice your bottle was getting pretty low,” hot guys friend motioned toward the bottle.

“We’d love to get you a new one if you’d offer us a seat? There’s so many people here, all the booths are taken” hot guy offered with a polite smile, making sure to make eye contact with each of us girls.

I quickly turned my head to the two knowing full and well Nebula would be the only one to disagree. Though to my surprise she’d just happily shrugged. “Eh why not, but make it two bottles of whatever this is” she slid over the bottle to the boys. The blonde (hot guys friend) picked up the bottle to inspect its label. “Ahh, okay sure, two bottles for a seat, we’ve got ourselves a deal,” he smiled before they both went off to the bar to retrieve the liquor.

As soon as they left I whipped my head around to the girls with a wide grin. “That brown haired guy was SO HOT,” I leaned in excitedly.

Mantis was thriving in my good mood and nodded along with me. “He was very handsome! You should make him your boooyyfriend” she dragged out the last word teasingly with a playful smile.

The thought of that made my heart flutter just a little bit. She’s gonna make me delulu talking like that. “He wasn’t terrible” nebula chimed in.

“So, what I’m hearing is that I should flirt with him?” I asked the group and received all yes’s. I slapped a hand over my mouth feeling the adrenaline kick in. “Guys! I can’t, I don’t know what to say!” I whined as if it weren’t my own idea. I turned to see where they were and luckily I did because they were approaching with three bottles in their hands. I looked back at the girls with a finger to my lips signaling them to be quiet about my little crush.

“We decided on three, that way we can all share,” hot guy informed as Mantis scooted over to the left side next to Nebula and I followed her movement to give the boys some space. Hot guy started to get into the booth before his friend paused his motion.

“Oh wait, my buddy says he thinks he knows you, come here real quick I’m gonna show you a picture of him” the friend waved me over out of the booth. I scooted my way out and over to him to glance at the phone at some random guy.

With a furrowed brow I shook my head. “No, I don’t know him. Must be thinking of someone else”

He nodded in acceptance. “Ah, I figured, no harm in seeing though right?” He smiled warmly and I nodded my head back with a yeah.

When we’d turned to get back in the booth he was quick to get in first and get a spot next to Mantis. That sly dog. I grinned at the realization, hot guy slid in next leaving the last spot open for me.

“So girls, who’s gonna take the first drink?” Hot guy asked while him and his friend opened the lids to two of the bottles.

“Why don’t you-“ Mantis began but got stuck on his name. “What is your name?! We don’t even know?” She laughed leaning over the table in her drunken state.

“I’m Malcom,” the hot guy introduced giving each of us a hand shake. When his hand touched mine it was warm, and soft. I glanced up and made accidental eye contact which sent butterflies soaring through my stomach.

“Nice to meet you Malcom,” I smiled flirtatiously. Drunk me was a whole different girl. I had some pretty decent confidence and flirting skills, because if anything went wrong my motto is that it was the liquor talking not me.

“Lovis,” the other introduced copying his friends actions of shaking our hands.

The three of us introduced ourselves to the guys back. “Well Malcom, and Lovis I think you’re due for the first drink since you bought them” I playfully poked pushing the bottles to both of them.

They played around like I was crazy for saying that then both took massive chugs. “That’s strong stuff! You girls are crazy!” Lovis let out an exhale after drinking it and passed it over to Mantis with a mischievous smile. “Your turn”

We all watched Mantis with a smile as she took her turn, Lovis cheered her on. The bottle went over to Nebula but she took a sip and kept it which made us laugh. We decided to let her do her thing and crack open another bottle. Lovis went to take a sip before Malcom stopped him.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s Mrs. Yn’s turn” he turned to me with an adorable smile before grabbing the bottle from his friend and handing it over. “Let’s see it!” He encouraged.

I smiled back. “Thank you,” I specifically looked at Malcom to tease the fact that Lovis had stolen my turn which made the boys laugh. I took a little sip and put it down.

“Booo” lovis bellowed out making Nebula and Mantis laugh.

“ahh common, you can do better than that!” Malcom pushed the bottle back over. He wrapped his other arm around the back of the booth where I sat, just inches away from being around my shoulder.

I grabbed the bottle and took a few more chugs earning myself some cheers from the group. We continued on getting to know each other and getting drunk. We laughed quite a lot and we felt honestly comfortable with these guys. I could safely say we were having a lot of fun and they were pretty cool guys. At one point in the night Malcom’s arm finally found its way around my shoulder which boosted my confidence to lean into the side of him.

���Guys! Look who the hell decided to show up!” Rocket yelled through a slur making the group turn to look at him. Peter stood there his arm around the girl, he was whispering something into her ear before he finally looked over at the group. When his eyes landed on Malcom’s arm around me he seemed to have zoned out from the conversation for a bit.

“Peter!!!!” Mantis exclaimed “That’s my brother” she explained to Lovis happily.

He played off his emotions with a laugh but he seemed pretty stiff. “Hey guys! The parties here!” He joked taking a sip of his drink. “Who’s this?” He nonchalantly asked Mantis, specifically not me.

“Oh this is Lovis, and Malcom!” She introduced showing Peter who was who with a wide smile. She was just happy to have the people she liked meet.

I couldn’t help myself from continuously looking over at that girl who’d been standing pretty clueless just sipping on her drink. I hate her. “Nice to meet you man,” Malcom reached out to Peter over me slightly.

Peter looked at his hand hesitantly before accepting the shake. “Yeah, for sure” he weirdly responded. He seemed pretty off, his posture was different and the way he was talking just didn’t seem like him.

“Well common everyone sit down!” Mantis insisted while scooting arm to arm with Nebula which she scowled at. Everyone scooted down as much as we could to fit the rest of the group which meant we were all arm to arm, Peter’s girl was going to go in next to me but Peter went in first then grabbed her hand and pulled her into the booth.

He slid all the way down until we were arm to arm and once he was comfortable turned to finally acknowledge my existence. “Oh, hey” he spoke like he didn’t know I was here the whole time.

“Hey,” I kept it short with him because he’s really starting to piss me off. Maybe it’s the alcohol talking, maybe I’m being dramatic but whatever.

He didn’t even seem to notice because he just kept on going. He looked over at the two empty bottles us girls had finished before and then the opened one that sat in front of me from last rotation. “Someone’s drunk,” he commented trying to start up a conversation. He nudged me with his shoulder playfully.

I nodded my head giving a small smile, “Yeah, the boys got it for us,” I turned to give Malcom a smile which he returned.

“Speaking of, let’s get that rotation going again huh?” He held the bottle up for me and I drank from it.

He went to go and drink for himself but I grabbed it. “No! I’ll hold it,” I playfully teased him. I placed one hand on his chest as the other held the bottle to his mouth. I watched as he took a few chugs and once he’d finished I’d cheered, and like a chain reaction the rest of the group did. All but Peter. Lovis grabbed the bottle to continue, while I grabbed Malcom’s face holding it for a minute before wiping the spilled liquor from his chin that I’d spilt. “I’m sorry,” I laughed still holding his face.

He glanced down at my lips for a moment and smiled. “Wowww,” he played back. “Spilling all over me,”

I softly pushed his chest with my hand. “You spilled on me too”

He glanced down to my shirt that actually was a little wet from when he’s fed me the drink. “Aww I’m sorry,” he tilted his head with a cute apologetic smile. “What can I do to make it up to you?”

As I was trying to think of a smooth line to snap back with I felt Peter’s body shift closer to mine, now instead of arm to arm we were pretty much just pressed up against each other side to side. I whipped my head to look and see what was going on and he gave me a shrug. “Was making more room,” he said over the music. Before I could turn back around he’d leaned into my ear. “What are we drinking?” He asked me like he couldn’t just ask the other million people at the table.

“I don’t know Groot stole the first ones and then the boys brought us more,” I explained back, he leaned in to me to hear what I was saying. Part of me felt like he really didn’t need to do that because I could hear Lovis who was further than Peter was from me.

He nodded his head. “So what did you guys do while I was gone?” He watched as Malcom had leaned toward Lovis in conversation and his arm slip off of me.

“We just drank and hung out,” I didn’t know what else to say because that’s really all we did.

He looked at me like I did something wrong, and smiled. “That’s it?! What’s my one rule of going out?” He asked but as he was talking managed to slip his arm up on the top of the booth right by my shoulders like Malcom did earlier.

I turned to look and see if Malcom had any reaction to that but he was still deep in conversation with the other side of the table. When I turned and looked back at Peter his expression was sort of pissed off. Maybe it was because I’d looked for Malcom’s reassurance instead of answering his question? He used the hand that was right above my shoulder to reach it down and grab my shoulder giving it a playful shake. “You gotta dance,” he finished his own sentence for me. Funny enough he decided to leave his hand there. He examined my face for a minute and seemed a little panicked that I hadn’t responded like I normally would’ve. “Plus, I know Xardecks like the back of my hand, you don’t wanna drink this, here come on I’m gonna get you something real to drink”

I huffed turning and see Malcom was still in conversation with the rest of the group. Part of me didn’t want to go with Peter because I find it really annoying he’s acting like this now that I finally have a guy. Of course when it’s him with a girl he can do whatever he wants and I just let it happen. I guess I can use this time to talk to him about it, maybe even consider Malcom as a real thing too. I nodded my head that I was going to go and he turned to talk to the girl and tell the rest of this side to let us out.

We got out of the booth and he glanced around behind him, once he did that he quickly placed his hand on the small of my back before I could turn and see too and led me toward the bar. Once it started to get more crowded he went behind me putting his hands on my hips and led me into a spot at the bar. While we were waiting for the bartenders attention he’d leaned against the counter and gave me a smile. He pulled me in closer to him but covered that up with him trying to tell me something. “You having fun tonight?” He asked into my ear over the now much louder music and talking.

I nodded my head and turned to take in the chaos around me. I felt his thumbs start to rub circles on my hips which made my heart flutter until I remembered why I even came over here with him. “Actually, can we talk outside?” I asked him trying to be as sober as possible for this conversation.

His body stiffened at the question and he didn’t say anything for a little bit. He perked up and held his hand to his ear. “Oh hold on wait, listen to the song!” He did his best at distracting me. “It’s the one we always play on the ship no way! Now you have to dance with me,” he lowered his head giving the expression like I just had to do this.

“Peter…” I sighed which he completely ignored and pulled me out to the dance floor anyways.

He put his hands on my hips swaying the both of us while looking at me. His eyes went from my eyes to my lips then back up again. He put his hand on the small of my back and pulled me chest to chest with him in a romantic way, before talking into my ear over the music again. “You look so pretty tonight baby,” he flirted but the way he was talking was so genuine and loving.

He leaned back and held my chin in his hand and rubbed softly. “Peter, I can’t” I pushed his hands off me and took a step back. His eyes widened and he seemed both shocked and scared all at the same time.

He was quick to follow my movement and step closer to me again. He pulled me back in but this time kissed me with hunger. I pulled back from him again and his face dropped. “You don’t even know that guy,” he seemed rather offended and started answering his own assumptions.

Though his comment actually pissed me off because he made me sound like some slut who goes with anyone. “That’s not the point, and you don’t know the girl you’re with either. Kind of like it is with all the girls you fuck,” I spat finally letting all my anger out.

He looked around angrily with a sigh before back at me. “Don’t change the subject, ever since this guy came around things are different with us,” he pushed back with a furrowed brow. The jealously was dripping off of him.

“What are you talking about?! We’ve literally only been around each other for a few hours,” I snapped back growing more annoyed.

“You’re different with him, I don’t act like that with the girls I go with, it’s never that personal, or- or romantic. You were sitting there with your hand on his chest, talking to each other like he’s your fucking boyfriend,” he really started to let loose now and I could tell this was all from his heart because he was just piling out everything he felt, some of the stuff didn’t even connect with the point he was making before.

I rolled my eyes at this and turned away from him but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back again and held me there for a minute before letting go when I yanked away. “I don’t care what you do with those other girls, I don’t care what you do, who you do, it’s none of my business, you live your life and do your thing and I’ll do mine,” I somewhat broke it off with that one sentence hoping he’d get the gist. The flooding of angry and jealous emotions really took over all rational parts of me and now I’m just acting on emotion and alcohol.

“What?” His mouth propped open then turned into a frown. “No,” he seemed to have been saying this more to himself than to me, like he couldn’t believe it. “You don’t want that,” he pleaded with his eyes. “Tell me, is that actually what you want?” His breathing started to get heavy and his eyes searched mine. He knew the answer he was aching for.

“I’m sorry I don’t do this, I never should’ve. I don’t hook up, I don’t do friends with benefits, I thought that it would save me from feeling my last breakup but now I’m just as sad about this. It’s not who I am I don’t do this, okay?” I felt myself started to get worked up and I knew if I didn’t get out of the building now then everyone in there would see me cry. I shoved myself through the crowd as fast as I could before Peter could pull me back into him again. I wandered off into the night street and blessed the lord when I saw an empty jardec pod. I rushed and climbed inside of it looking around for the button to type in where I’m heading.

“Yn, wait” Peter yelled out from the doors of the building. I started typing fast knowing he’d be making his way over. I can’t handle talking to him right now, it’s not going to go anywhere and I just want to be alone. Right as he was a few steps away from the pod I’d sent my location and it started to drive away.

I put it in to send me to the ship which was about fifteen minutes away. I sat in a sad silence looking out the window at the city around me. I saw a flashing light from my phone when I picked it up to see three missed calls from Peter and one from Mantis. With a huff I tucked my phone back into my pocket and sat out the rest of my ride. One I made it I trudged into the dark and quiet ship, all the way to my bedroom. I plugged my phone in seeing that I’d now had five missed calls from Peter. I figured I’d just talk to him in the morning when I was sober. I was sure I would at least be a decent person and tell him I was home safe. I sent him a quick text.

| Talk to you tomorrow, I’m in the ship right now. Tired. Goodnight, have fun

After literally seconds he’d already responded before I could leave the chat.

| please don’t fall asleep I’m almost there, I need to talk to you

As I was reading I heard another ding

| I’m serious, please

My heart started racing. He’s coming here, he’s almost here. I have no idea what I’m gonna say but I really don’t want to deal with any sadnesses tonight. I paced around my room until finally I’d heard some noise on the ship. My eyes widened and I stood there just listening as his foot steps got closer. The door knob twisted and in came Peter slowly and cautiously. He kept his eyes on mine the entire time as he walked up to me. His eyes seemed irritated and red like he’d been crying or something of the sort. “Can I just say that I never ever wanted to hurt you.” He seemed sad, and he spoke so delicately to me like I was a wounded little bird. “I don’t want you to go,” he admitted full of emotion.

I felt my heart drop at that comment. Peter’s been through a lot, especially after what happened with Gamora. He’s got some trauma and I can see now that even smaller things like this effect him a lot. Tears swelled up in his eyes which he did his best to choke back by clearing his throat and looking away from me. “Peter, I’m not gonna go,” I softly comforted, I reached my hands up and turned his face to me. I rubbed the sides of his cheek while looking into his eyes.

“Not like that yn,” his eyes glanced down at my lips and stayed there. “At first I was doing all that to get over gamora, then I started to realize what we had was real, and I got scared. So I started doing it to get over you,” he glanced back up at my eyes now trying to see my reaction to his confession. So all this time, all those girls, was him trying to get over me? “I just assumed you didn’t feel the same and I know it’s stupid to not have talked to you, but- I don’t know.”

He put his hands over the backs of my hands until I dropped mine while I was taking in what he said. He took that opportunity to rub my cheek instead. His hand trailed down to my chin, until his thumb traced over my lips. “I fell in love with you,” he whispered.

I stood there silent and shell shocked. He. what? “I planned so many different ways to tell you and I never wanted it to be like this but, I couldn’t stand seeing you with someone else. And I know that’s not fair, I know that’s what we agreed on, but I don’t want that,” he rambled on getting a little nervous. “I don’t want anyone else to touch you, I don’t want anyone else to be with you, to even so much as think about you, I want you to myself,” he admitted and trailed his hand back to my jaw.

For a while I was mesmerized. I looked into his pretty teary eyes, his handsome nose all the way down to his perfect plump lips. I said nothing, all I did was nod my head and it was enough for him to know what I meant and what I wanted. At that he immediately leaned in and kissed me. This one was hungry, and full of passion, one hand on my jaw and the other wrapped in my hair on the back of my head softly. I had one hand on the side of his face and the other on his chest as we shared that kiss for a little while. Once we’d backed away we’d both caught our breathe. “I fell for you too Peter, a long time ago,” It felt so good to finally admit it, and the look on his face right now made it so much better. “I want you all to myself, ALL to myself,” I reiterated the last part dramatically with a smile making him chuckle and place his forhead on mine.

“I couldn’t agree more baby,” he couldn’t stop smiling and truthfully neither could I. He was finally mine. A love that was there all along and I never knew.

————

[sabbathbloodysabbeth]

So like I am not huge on prison aus, it’s not my personal cup of tea but I just watched Shawshank redemption (and idk if anyone else gets like this where they see a movie and idea fill your head but that’s what happened to me)

A scared, barely twenty year old Eddie Munsons life ends with the clack of the gavel. The eyes of the judge staring and judging down at him, a glimmer of satisfaction in his eyes as the guards on either side of him move forward and take his left and right arm.

He’s in shock.

He didn’t do it.

Eddie Munsons world ends when he’s stripped naked, sprayed down, ass checked and tossed into a cell with his new identity in his hands. The hoots and hollers of other men echoing into his cell as he puts a brave face on.

His father didn’t raise a bitch, even though he barely raised him at all.

Eddie becomes what society wants him to be, after so many years of trying to prove them wrong he becomes the crook that everyone has seen since his birth. Not necessarily a monster but not necessarily an angel either.

The first two years in prison he finds himself in solitary confinement for numerous reasons. Looking at a guard wrong, making the wardens breakfast wrong, getting into a fight, caught fucking around, or his personal favorite talking too much.

The next two years he becomes pretty popular amongst fellow cellmates. Known to be able to entertain when things got boring. Not in a sexual way, as much as that sounded like an innuendo Eddie Munson actually made everyone laugh. With his story telling, jokes or charm. His talkative nature earning friends amongst the crowds.

Which was a good thing, he was living here for life.

Eddie’s twenty five when his world starts spinning again. His brown eyes landing on a newbie. A man whose name was currently blasted all over the radios.

Steve Harrington was a peculiar man. Walked around like he owned the place, something that most men around here didn’t appreciate. Whenever his eyes landed on Eddie, his stomach did flips. The guys joked about how he was pretty much drooling, twirling his hair and kicking his feet all at once when prissy boy was around.

It was no secret that Eddie had a thing for men, it was also no secret that Eddie never fucked around with anyone who didn’t give consent.

It must have been some sick joke from one of the guys, who must have pulled some strings to get the joke done. Eddie had a bunk mate already, one that slept above him and had ever since he got there. So when it was announced he was transferring out Eddie was suspicious.

His suspicions were answered when a certain brunette landed in his cell.

Neither of the say anything to each other the first three nights of sharing the cell. Eddie had taken over the top bunk, an unspoken rule that whoever was there first got it.

Steve slept on the bottom and didn’t put much fight to switching. It’s on the fourth night when the radio silence was broken. It was one of the guys from the cell next to them.

“Do you think they’re silently fucking in their frank?” Whoever had said it purposely made it come out louder so that both men could hear it.

“Nah, you know how loud Eddie gets his men. He’s been caught how many times by the guards?” Another voice returns, it’s further down the hall and Eddie can’t help but roll his eyes.

“Shut the fuck up frank! Or I’ll make sure the guards hear you choking on my fist!”

“Is that a promise pretty boy?!” Laughter goes through out the hall. Eddie’s rolling his eyes before he moves to glance down at the man below him. Who seemed a little red in the face and a bit scared, this was the first time Eddie’s ever seen him hold any obvious emotion to his face.

“Don’t worry sweetheart you’re not my type if I ain’t yours.” Eddie assures. Watching the others shoulders relax a bit.

Eddie’s hair is falling forward, hanging down as he grins a little. Moving his hand forward to the other. Careful not to fall as he holds his balance with the other. “Names Eddie.”

Steve hesitated before he moves forward and shakes his hand carefully. His hands smooth like he’s never worked a day of his life.

“Steve.”

“I know.” Eddie grins as he asks, “so how long you in for. Need to know how long I got before I get a new face coming in here.”

“Oh- uh two years.” Steve answers gently.

“Oh that’s a cake walk, you’ve got this princess.” He winks before he moves to lay back on his own bed.

“How long you have?”

“I’m here until I stop breathing Stevie,” Eddie chuckles as he messes with the guitar pick he had. Scratching at it gently as he listens below him carefully.

“Oh.” A pause, “what did you do?”

“They say I killed a cheerleader,” Eddie answers easily. No longer bothered by answering that question. There wasn’t any point in trying to fight anymore. He was stuck in here forever anyway.

“Did you?”

Eddie snorts gently, “Nope. But lesson number one darling, we’re all innocent in here. Never gonna know who’s guilty until you get to know them, and even then that’s difficult.”

Silence falls over them once more before Steve asks, “how long have you been in here?”

“Going on five years,” Eddie moves and hops down from his cell. Moving to the built in shelf they had and grabs one of his comics.

“That’s a long time,”

“That it is.”

After that conversation things went more smoothly between the two of them. Casual conversations here and there, neither of them bothered bringing up the jokes that other cell mates made about them.

They don’t start to really get close until a year later. When Steve starts to grow out of his own shell and not the manufactured one his father made him. Eddie can feel the slight movement of his life going again, moving a few centimeters every couple of months.

It’s not until eight months after that when he starts feeling alive again. The hidden kisses, the silent moans and gentle touches of Steve Harrington fuel every beat of his heart.

It’s close to six years since Eddie’s been in here, and now he can confidently say that his father didn’t raise no bitch, because he didn’t raise him at all. It’s Wayne Munson who didn’t raise a bitch, he raised a lover.

And boy does Eddie love Steve Harrington. Every time the others hand carefully slides into his pants he feels like he can explode in more ways then just the obvious one. The way he tilts his head back and lets his mouth fall open, he doesn’t let a sound leave his mouth. Not wanting this place to claim anything else from him.

Though it’s not the prison that ruins it, it’s time. Steve’s last night comes way faster than either of them had expected. Both of them lay in the bottom bunk, carefully holding each other. Stars started to dim in both of their eyes as they talk about everything they wished they could do together.

Neither man knows what to do with themselves.

Eddie’s world stops spinning again when Steve leaves, his life leaving with him as he walks out of the cell and doesn’t return. He comes to visit once or twice but it hurts both of them more than it does any good.

Two years pass and it’s Eddie’s eighth anniversary of being in this cell. Cellmates coming and going.

It’s when a man comes to meet him when things start to change. Claiming to work for the innocence project who has gotten evidence (from another case similar to his) that proves Eddie didn’t do it. Eddie doesn’t know all the basics but he does end up walking out the door of that prison two years later. After a lengthy legal battle.

It’s been ten years and Eddie’s now thirty and unsure what to do with himself. Finding a job and place was difficult before he finds himself back at home with Wayne Munson.

Eddies life and world begin again when he hears the knock on his trailer door at the age of thirty five. When his eyes meet Steve Harringtons, whose eyes now have crow feet.

And as they land in his bed minutes later like they were at their prime Eddie lets the world, his world, Steve Harrington hear him for who he truly is.

[gojos-fr-bae]

Gojo Christmas HCs

Pairing: Gojo x gn!reader

Warnings: Cursing

Word Count: 557

A/N: Heyy~~ I such a joke honestly, posting my Christmas fic on new years, but in my defence, I haven't had access to my laptop since I wrote Liar pt.4, anyways, Enjooooy

(Requests open)

You wake up to being snuggled tightly within his arms while it snows outside.

Refuses to get up anytime before 10am so u probably just end up falling back asleep.

Wakes you up to go downstairs and make breakfast “together” bc let’s be honest this man can’t even boil a rock.

Taking a bath/shower together is a MUST

Deeefinately forces you two to wear matching pjs or like those sets where the guy wears the pants and no shirt and the girl wears like, the huge shirt without pants or sum

You would walk into the living room and just find it like, STUFFED with presents and he’ll just sit there with the smuggest grin on his face while u just stand there looking stupid.

If it’s your first Christmas together I can imagine he would be scared out of his mind about whether you would like the presents, whether you are proud or happy with him, whether they were even good enough for you. E.t.c (he would never let it show though)

If it isn’t your first Christmas together though he would probably still be nervous but probably more confident in his gifts. (he just wants to make you happyy*sobs*)

I can see him getting you sentimental stuff like an instrument you had as a kid or your favourite book but also just random expensive shit like a diamond bracelet. Or something batshit crazy like a lambo or sum.

I feel like you would get him something extremely sentimental and something he really wants, and you give the sentimental one second to catch him off guard.

Like imagine giving him the most expensive box of mochi you spent an entire month's worth of your salary and he gets all excited then you shyly slide him a scrap book full of pictures with you two throughout the whole year or since you got together.

And you do that sappy thing where you leave half of it empty for memory’s you’ll make in the future. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww

I feel like he would just look down at it too stunned to speak with big bug eyes and when he looks back up at you he starts tearing up

He would hug you and like, genuinely just breakdown into sobs, and he won’t stop for like another good two minutes.

Like, that is genuinely the best, sweetest most heartfelt gift he has ever received.

From then on I can fully see him always carrying a polaroid with him everywhere he goes just take pictures of you two together, (but mostly just you really) And when he gets home he pulls out the scrapbook and gets to work.

I can just imagine like, walking into your room and seeing him in his pjs on the bed doing that thing where you lie on your stomach and kick your legs back and forth and he’s like, sticking a picture or drawing hearts around a picture of you with his tongue sticking out. Akduhcrtfrw38r7fyu efgujd (oops, I forgot this is a Christmas HC)

I can’t imagine him really wanting to go out so you would probably stay at home baking cookies, snuggling watching movies and doing all that lovey dovey shit couples do.

The best Christmas he has ever had in his entire life, and one he definitely won’t be forgetting…ever

Belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Honestly, Thank GOD 2023 is finally over, worst year of my entire life, can't wait for it to end.

Also, thank you for all the support throughout this year, means the most to me.

© gojos-fr-bae

Pls lemme know if I forgot to tag u, i'm kinda rusty

[starkeyletters]

•̩̩͙⁺𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐛𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 P1

Forbidden Masterlist | Part 1 |

Warnings - 18+, Mature theme, Drug & substance use, Violence, smut, mental illnesses, crime, etc.

Wordcount - 2,1K+

Pairing - 𝑅𝐴𝐹𝐸 𝐶𝐴𝑀𝐸𝑅𝑂𝑁 x 𝙁𝙀𝙈 𝙊𝘾 [Reader] | 𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙠𝙨 [ 𝑎𝑢 ]

Summary - Supposed enemies. Forbidden to ever even think about dating eachother. But what will happen when they break that rule?

A/n - Another start to a story, I hope you like this one!!

It all started when Rafe came up to you and kie as you were picking up the drinks. Kie walked away before he even started talking. You, on the other hand, stayed. It wasn't like rfe treated you the way he did the rest of the pogues, but still, he didn't treat you the greatest. He told you, and I quote, 'Tell your boys, We know what they did.’ And with that he smiled, walking away as you did the same.

You were just as confused as kie was when you told the boys, you thought it was a joke, well, almost until you watched the fear being portrayed on both Jj’s, and Pope’s face. Its not like any of you let it ruin your night, the four of you just fucked around, trying to ignore the cold stares from all three of Rafe, Topper, and Kelces faces.

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That night.

“Hey, we're just gonna go take a leak,” Jj said, getting up from the seat, pope following. You and Kiara looked towards each other as you saw Jj dig into a bag. Putting a gun into the waistband of his shorts. “JJ!” Kiara shouted-whispered at the boy, you just sat there. 

Wonder why the hell you weren't surprised at the fact Jj brang a gun to a Family- might i add- movie night.

“Jj, why do you have a gun?” you did the same as kiara and whisper-shouted at the boy. He chose to ignore both you, and kiara. “Can Never be too safe!” He yelled over the crowd, running through it with pope, eventually disappearing behind the projector screen. 

Your suspicious raised high at the fact both rafe was bothering you about the two boys who just left with a gun, and the fact that they brang a gun.

You knew your suspicions as to what was about to begin were right as soon as you looked behind the crowd to no longer see any of the three Kooks standing where they had been. You know Kiara felt the same as the both of you exchanged looks of horror. Your stomach dropping.

Meanwhile The three kooks, and two pogues got into it  with each other behind the large projector screen. As you and kiara slowly approached all of them, yelling and grunting from the fighting was filling the air. 

“HEY!” Kiara yelled running into the middle of Five guys all tackling at one and other in pairs. “Guys stop!’ You also yelled, following behind kiara as she jumped on one of the boys back, Rafe pulling her off as you swung your arms at the other two, getting pushed to the ground. 

You watched from a distance of where your sore body sat on the ground, Kiara was taking a match to the projector. Lighting it on fire. There  was nothing you would do in that moment but watch in complete, utter shock at not only the action but the way it quickly became one big flame. 

Two of the three kooks were quick to flee the scene once the fire broke out, one, being rafe, was held back by Jj and pope. They had him on the ground. Pope held him down as Jjs hands were wrapped around his neck. Jj was choking him while cursing at him. You watched as you ran over to what was happening, Rafe trying to breath as his hands went up to try and pry Jjs off of his neck in despair.

Your eyes watered as you got over, trying to push Jj off, and once you almost had him off, kiara came and kicked him in th side. Jj ell over, letting go of rafes neck. He was coughing out blood. And a red outline of where JJ was choking him formed rather quickly.

You cried out, going up to his head and resting it in your arms, taking his hat and placing it next to you. His yellow shirt was quick to be filled with blood and you sobbed at the boy in your arms. “I-its okay rafe w-we just-” 

You watched jj, kiara, and pope all get up, screaming at eachother. The fire was still burning pretty bad, and you could hear a faint sound of sirens begin from a distance. “Y/N! Come on!” you heard pope yell as you shook your head, watching kiara scold jj as they were also quick to flee the scene. Pope gave up after about a minute, shaking his head as they all left you there. Which only made you sob harder.

You watched the boy in your arms head go back and fourth as he looked up at you in despair. You don't exactly know why you chose to stay that night, or what you were going to tell the cops when they showed up, but you were not going to leave this poor boy all alone like this.

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“I don't know! Maybe not choke him to the point where hes coughing up fucking blood!?” You yell back, at everyone, Your voice breaking mid-sentence, You were sat on the opposite couch towards the other five. Someone both Sarah and John B were brang into this mess. You were crying. But why? Why are you trying to defend Rafe Cameron?

“You’re only like this because hes your ‘friend’. Which a little reality check for you - He probably doesn't even like you. He's probably just using your gullible ass to get fucking information off of us! God, he probably has a fucking camera planted on you somewhere, or when you leave here you go to him and tell him every little detail of information we fucking got! That's all we have Y/N, All we have!” JJ yelled, you couldn't see anyones reaction to his outburst. He was supposed to be your best friend, why did he think so low of you? Why didn't he say something about how he was feeling sooner?

“JJ!” You heard Sarah scold, watching her get in his face through blurry tear filled eyes. Everyone else sat these, these mouths hung open from the remarks that were made by jj, the accusations. Everyone knew he went too far. Yet, The only one to act on it was sarah. You stood up, not being able to deal with anymore of whatever this was. You walked into your room at the chateau, slamming the door behind you, locking it, and falling onto your bed as loud sobs escaped from your mouth.

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A few hours had passed, it was the evening. Tonight was the bonfire, a Keg-stand get-together on the beach  that is annually held, one, if not multiple times a month. You calmed yourself down about an hour ago and got yourself ready for the bonfire. You weren't letting them ruin something else. Plus, you needed this. To get out of the house. And maybe this wasn't the brightest of ideas, but you wanted to see Rafe, You knew he would be these for you.

You drove to the bonfire in the twinkie with all of them. Earning looks of sympathy from Sarah, and surprisingly kie. You didn't speak to any of them. The looks from Jj said everything you needed to know. The others left you alone completely, at least they had some sort of decency.

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You stood up from your seat on a log, with your red empty solo cup in your hand that was recently filled with whatever beer from the keg. Walking back over to the keg to refill your cup. It was only your second drink, you were still sober. Once you had reached the stand, the guy serving the beer took your cup out of your hands and filled it. As you stood waiting for it to be refilled you completely zoned out, Until a hand landed on your shoulder. Wearing an awfully familiar gold ring, Causing you to turn towards the person.

“Hey,” You turned to see Rafe, Him saying hey softer than usual, his hand still resting on your shoulder. You couldn't feel anything but relief knowing it was him and not one of your so-called friends.

 

“Hi.” You replied, taking your beer from the guy as he finished filling it. “So I- uh see you're not with your friends- pogue friends.” He started to go on, you just helplessly nodded, taking a sip from your cup. “I'm a pogue too, asshole.” he laughed, “Yeah but you're different,” you rolled your eyes. He knew exactly what he was doing. “Finally realized you're too good for them?” He ‘joked’ as the two of you began walking away from the stand.

“No, there just mad at me right now. And i'm mad at them. Well- not all of them, jj mainly.” You sighed, taking another sip from your cup. “Really? Why?” he asked, “uh-um. Because when you guys were fighting- at the movie, Well, i may’ve told them they went to far.” you gulped, looking at the still very visible red hand prints and line that circled his neck. “So, because you took my side?” he smirked at the thought of you defending him. “Mhm.” you grinned back at him. Not caring if the act seemed desperate.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

A couple hours after you first spoke to Rafe, the two of you had been sitting on a log around the bonfire. You had been quite tipsy. Rafe had stayed sober. Only having drank one glass of beer. You had spent the entire time with Rafe since you had gotten that beer and he joked with You to make you feel better, which worked. Just his presence supplied you with enough happiness. The pogues on the other hand, your friends, kept eyes on you the entire time. Giving you looks you simply chose to ignore.

“You cold, princess?” Rafe questioned you, watching your body shaking at the slightest, the cold night breeze was starting to fill the air.. Your hair moving just barely with the breeze off of the water. You nodded, snuggling further into his saide. He took off his grey jacket, which looked extremely comfortable, and put it on you. 

“I-I think i'm gonna go use the bathroom really quick-” You slurred, drunkenly, “Here I’ll help-” Rafe offered as he took you over to the porta potty bathrooms. He waited outside them as you used it.

Rafe turned as he felt the feeling of a hard smack to his shoulder, turning, he was met by an extremely drunk Jj. With pope not too far behind following.

“Hey man!” jj laughed loudly, ‘joking’ as he pushed onto rafes chest, causing him to stumble back a bit.  As You opened the door of the porta potty, you stood there for a moment, trying to realize what was happening. You couldn't process a thing. You were drunk. But what you could tell was that Jj was pissed, he was laughing as his eyes watered and tears streamed down his face. What could you say? It's not like he didn't deserve to feel that way.

Rafe was laughing, his tongue resting on the inside of his cheek. Oh, He knew what this was about, exactly what. “What is-” You slurred coming out of the porta potty. 

“R-Rafe?” you drunkenly slurred again, tumbling around. Not being able to walk straight if you were to even try. You looked at the two boys, confusing yourself as you couldn't make out which was which, your vision was horribly blurred. Your eyes shutting in an attempt to make out who they were.

And just before Rafe was able to grab you, to try and help you, you were quickly stumbling into another figure, Jjs figure. As pope pushed on Rafe. Making an attempt to knock him to the ground. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

5.18.23

@ starkeyletters 2023

[dirtywrestling]

Double Duty - Hook

Pairing: Hook x Female!Reader

Summary: Your friend accidently double books babysitters for one night.

Warnings: None, Fluff, Babysitting, Horror Movies, Asthma Attack, Kissing

Word Count: 2,108

Note: So sorry I didn't publish this on Friday!

Follow My Side Blog!: @dirtywresling102

Hook jogged up the few steps onto the porch of his sister’s house. Raising his fist his knuckles collided against the wooden door echoing throughout the house. Hook smiled hearing the pounding sound of feet running towards the door, he braced himself to get tackled by little children. 

The door swung open revealing two small kids. “Uncle Hook!” They both screamed, rushing towards him. 

“Hey you little boogers!” Hook bent down picking his five year old nephew, Nicky and three year old niece, Taylor up. His biceps flexed as he held the children in each arm. “You two causing any trouble?” Hook entered the house, kicking the door shut behind him.

“Nooo!” Nicky had a grin on his face as he giggled. 

Hook entered the kitchen seeing his sister rush around. “No my butt, they’re both little trouble makers.” Hook smiled as his sister was fixing her ear ring.

“I’m so sorry to contact you on such short notice.” She looked through her purse making sure she had everything.

“You’re fine, Ash.” Hook bounced both kids in his arms making them squeal in giggle. “I’m just glad you caught me on a day when I wasn't wrestling.” Hook dances around the kitchen, making the children giggle at his movements. 

“I owe you one, it’s been awhile since I’ve been out.” She paused looking at her children. “By myself.” She mumbled the last part. 

Hook frowned, he knew where his older sister was coming from. She didn’t have the freedom like he did, traveling everywhere and going to bars almost every weekend. It also didn’t help that she too had to take care of him when they were growing up. With their father being Taz, he wrestled all throughout their childhood and mom was somewhat around if she wasn’t on a bender.

“You don’t have to owe me anything, sis.” Hook set the little ones down, having them rush about chasing one another around the kitchen counter. “I mean, I was going to come and visit you guys anyways.”

“I wanted you to come and visit when I’m not out trying to get drunk and have a one night stand.” Ash huffed, applying another coat of lipstick on.

Hook only shrugged, still understanding that she was a woman with priorities and being a single mother Ash wasn’t at clubs or hanging out with her friends at coffee shops. She was mostly at doctors appointments or doing some type of baby stuff to make the kids learn and grow. 

The doorbell rang throughout the house making Hook arch his eyebrow looking over at his sister. “You order pizza?” Hook stomach growled at the talk of food. 

Hook heard the door being open and the kids squealing loudly. “It’s Y/N!”

“Oh shit.” Ash said, face palming herself.

“Who’s, Y/N?” Hook asked, following his sister into the living room. 

“Hi guys!” You got down onto your knees, hugging the two kids that rushed into your arms. “I miss you two.” You smiled as they giggled and told you they missed you too.

“Shit, Y/N. I forgot that you’re babysitting.” Ashlyn said, making you look up at her with an arched eyebrow. 

You got up from your knees, standing. “Forgot?” You questioned, your eyes shifting behind her to see a slim built male and messy brown hair behind your friend. 

“Yeah, my brother here is babysitting the kids tonight, he’s in town and I forgot to text you to cancel. Maybe you can come out to the club with me?” Ash smiled widely and wiggled her eyebrows. “You can be my wing girl and help me get laid.”

You smiled at the thought, it has been awhile since you’ve been out and being out of a two year long relationship you did need to blow off some steam. “That actually sounds-”

“No! No! Y/N, stay!” Taylor tightly hugged your leg, pressing her cheek against you. You looked down at the little girl then back up at your friend.

“Taylor, I’m sure Y/N here has other plans for the night. Your uncle is here now.” 

“Uncle?” You asked under your breath.

“No! Double babysit, both stay!” Nic pouted, stomping his feet. 

Ashlyn pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a loud sigh as her children were now pouting and on the verge of throwing a tantrum. “I don’t mind staying.” You smiled over at Ashlyn’s brother who seemed to not have his eye leave you for one second. “I’m Y/N, by the way.” 

“This is my uncle Hook!” Nic rushed towards Hook and hugged his leg, giggling. 

Hook cleared his throat and extended his arm out for you to shake his hand. “My friends call me Hook, but my real name is Tyler.” 

You grabbed onto his soft hand, giving it a shake and him a smile. “Nice to meet you, Tyler.” 

“Please, call me Hook.” He flashed you a smile.

“Hook.” You nodded, saying his nickname as it rolled off the tip of your tongue. “Nice to meet you, Hook.”

“Okay, well. I am leaving. You two have fun on double duty and I’ll be out until early morning or whenever I feel like coming back.” Ashlyn slung her purse over her shoulder, bending down and kissing her childrens forehead. “You two will be good tonight, understood?”

“Yes mommy.” Both children said at the same time and hugged their mother before she left.

“There’s money on the counter to order a pizza, don’t let them stay up too late or too much sugar!” Ashlyn waved goodbye, snagging her car keys as she was out the door. 

“So, what shall we do first?” You asked the two kids who grinned widely at you.

“Tag!” They both said at the same time. 

Nick slapped your thigh showing that you were ‘it’ as he started to run as fast as he could away from you. Taylor squealed loudly as she ran away from you too. 

You looked at Hook with a smirk on your face as his eyes widened and he bolted out of the living room. Chasing after him, you jumped over toys and other obstacles around you.

The back door burst open as Hook, Nicky and Taylor all screamed running to the backyard. You tapped at Taylors shoulder running past her only for her to giggle and squeal loudly. Her eyes went to Hook who was running in slow motion for Taylor to tag him. 

“You’re it!” She laughed loudly, slapping the back of Hook’s leg, not knowing her own strength. 

“I’m gonna get you, Nicky!” Hook jogged behind the younger boy. Nick laughed and screamed trying to run away from Hook. His laughter soon became heavy coughs as he stopped running. “Tag, you’re it!” Hook tapped Nick on the top of his head. 

Nick stopped in his tracks, coughing hard as he was trying to catch his breath. Your attention went to Nick as you quickly rushed towards him. “What happened?”

“I- I don’t know. I was chasing after him and he was laughing and then he started to cough.” Hook sounded worried, he didn’t know what was wrong with his nephew. 

“Shit, hold on. Nicky breath, okay? Keep breathing.” You ran towards the house, leaping over the few steps of the back patio and ran inside. You looked through the medicine cabinet in the kitchen and grabbed an orange inhaler. Rushing back outside, you slid on your knees in the grass to Nick. “Open bubba, open.” You ripped the cap off and placed the inhaler in Nick’s mouth. Pressing down a few times you rubbed his back. “Breath, slow breaths.” You did a few more times until you knew he was breathing easily. 

“T- Thank- Thank you.” Nick breathed out.

“Nicky has asthma, he can’t really run too much or it triggers it.” You tousled Nick’s hair. 

“I- I didn’t know he had asthma.” Hook frowned, looking down at Nick. “Is he going to be okay?” 

“Oh yeah, he’s a tough boy.” You got up on your feet and smiled at Nick who was already running around again playing with his sister. “He just needs to take it easy now, so it’s probably best we don’t play tag anymore.” 

Hook nodded with a frown still settled on his face. You bit the inside of your cheek, the tension of Hook feeling guilty about not knowing his nephew had asthma lingered in the air. “Should we order that pizza?” You asked him with a smile, trying to change the subject. 

“Pizza sounds great.”

Two large pizza boxes laid out on top of the coffee table. Children plates with half cut eaten pizza laid on the surface of the table. Your feet were propped up on the edge of the coffee table while you were watching the cartoon movie play on the flat screen. You turned your head to see Nicky and Taylor in between you and Hook fast asleep.

“Full bellies and their favorite movie on, easy night for us.” You smiled at Hook who nodded. 

“I uh, I wanted to thank you for helping Nick out.” 

You cocked your head to the side. “Well of course, I look at him like he’s my own nephew.” 

You could see Hook sucking the side of his cheek. “No, you don’t understand. I…” Hook paused only to inhale a breath and exhale out. “I didn’t know Nick had asthma.” 

“Oh.” You looked at the sleeping boy who mumbled a few words in his sleep.

“If you weren’t here to help him I wouldn’t have known what to do.” 

“It’s alright Hook.” You tried to reassure him.

“My job, I’m a professional wrestler so I travel all the time. This is the first time I’ve seen it in over six months.” Hook watched the two siblings. “They’re getting so big.” 

“Yeah, it seems like that’s all they do is grow.” You teased. “Come on, let's get them to bed and we can put on an adult movie.” You stood up, easily grabbing Taylor in your arms in a slow and soft manner so you wouldn’t wake her. 

“You mean like a rated R movie.” Hook had a smirk on his face that made you blush.

“If you want it to be.” You gushed, you didn’t plan your wording out right, you just meant something that wasn’t a cartoon.

With the two little ones to bed, Hook picked the movie. “Friday the 13th? Really? What are we middle schoolers?” You snickered as you watched the movie.

“Hey this is a classic.” You jumped as the music got intense and Jason came out of nowhere doing a jump scare. “Seems like it still lives to its expectations.” 

“It just caught me off guard.” You lied, basically hiding underneath the blanket. 

Hook laughed at you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder he pulled you close to him. “Come here.” He whispered. You laid on his chest, hearing his heart pumping against his ribs as your eyes were glued on the screen. 

“Seems like you’re scared too from the way your heart is thumping.” 

“Not from the movie.” Hook mumbled.

You pulled away from him only to look up at him, he was already looking down at you. His brown eyes shone as the movie in the background became white noise. His face leaned down further towards you as you leaned towards him. Your lips collided against one another in a soft manner. 

Moaning softly against his lips, Hook’s tongue slid past yours and explored your mouth. His tongue grazed against yours as you moaned slightly louder. Hook was the first to pull away. “Shh. You don’t want to wake up-”

“Are you two married now?” A tired voice yawned out. You blushed, quickly pulling away from Hook while Hook grabbed the blanket from you and tossed it over his lap. You looked at the blanket and up at Hook whose face was a deep color red and gave you a shy smile. You had no idea you had this effect on him and it was just a kiss.

“What are you doing up, sleepy head?” You asked, quickly pausing the movie so Nick wouldn’t see anything bad. 

“TV is too loud.” Nick shuffled towards you and climbed onto the sofa and into your lap. 

“Oh, okay Nicky sorry.” You grabbed the remote and put it on a different channel. You clicked Bluey on for the young boy to fall asleep to. 

Once Nick’s eyes were shut and his breathing was steady you looked over at Hook. “We can finish what we started later.” You winked at him, making Hook’s face brighten.

Hook's Masterlist

[cloudcountry]

Okay I just saw the cuttlefish thing and for some reason my brain went to the octo trio watching finding nemooooooo

Like what would they think of it?? And the one part where the octopus went 'nooo you guys made me ink!' I feel like jade and floyd did that to azul when they were kids😭🤣

the tweels would look over at azul, who suddenly is having traumatizing flashbacks

OMG YES PELASE YOU JUST AMD EMY DAY ASKING ABOUT FINDING NEMO HOLD ON IM GONNA GO ON ANOTHER MARINEBIO RAMBLE PLEASEEEE BEAR WITH ME PLEASE 👁️

BUT I'LL ANSWER YOUR QUESTION FIRST WHAWHAWH

i can see floyd getting SUCH a kick out of the shark chase scene and jade finding the anglerfish scene funny. azul is sitting next to them like "yk that's nothing unusual" because they're WEIRD

ofc he would probably have some flashbacks during that scene in the gif. jade and floyd IMMEDIATELY turn to look at him. its creepy. their heads turn a full 90 degrees. LIKE WHAT ARE YOU LOOK AT...LEAVE HIM ALONE OMG.

speaking of that i need to write a fic with azul accidentally inking in front of his crush :C i think that'd be cute

MARINE BIO RAMBLE TIME OKAY SO

yk that fish that killed all of nemo's siblings? that's a barracuda! they actually don't eat clownfish eggs, but they do eat moray eels so i don't like them >:C

also, that scene when coral goes to confront the barracuda and marlin tells her to stop? female clownfish are more aggressive than male clownfish!!

yk that scene when bruce cries about never meeting his father? that's also true, because sharks,,,, mate,,,,,, a lot. 👁️ so he probably would never have met his dad or figured out who his father was. also, his eyes turning black when he was about to try and eat marlin and dory was kinda right? because sharks roll their eyes back into their heads to protect them when they're about to snatch up a tasty little morsel yum yum.

ALSO TEH WHALE???? WHEN THEY WERE SHOT OUT OF ITS BLOWHOLE???? whale's can't do that its literally impossible. they would have gotten swallowed right into the stomach and out the other end yikes

ALSO ANGLERFISH LIVE SO DEEP......LIKE SO DEEP IN THE OCEAN.....disney there are pressure differences the deeper you go in the ocean,,,, marlin and dory would have been CRUSHED.

ANYWAYS YEAH i watched that movie a few months ago and really analyzed the silly little fish behaviors and what was correct or incorrect so im happy i got to talk about it AAWHHAAHW

[brazenskald]

Flight Risk

Ever been on the edge of a highrise, staring down a thousand-metre vertical that could leave you flatter than a burnt crepe on the sidewalk? If your stomach just jumps at the thought, good for you. You have a healthy sense of vertigo. Me? Never felt anything other than a skin-tingling urge to see if I could make it up that high and live to kiss the ground far below. Yeah, you could say my priorities were a little screwed-up. But then again, I was also staring down the barrel of a gun. Not a metaphorical one either. Pretty sure this was a Glock, or maybe a Smith & Wesson. I wasn’t paying too much attention, since the hand holding the gun was attached to my very beautiful, very angry ex.

Henry’s never been one to mince words, even when we were on better terms. Kissing terms, I liked to say. Straight to the point, Henry was. It didn’t surprise me that even with the wind buffeting our clothes, he held my gaze in the way that a python might, as it contemplated the best way to squeeze life from its prey.

“Ray,” He shouted, to be heard over the wind. “Hand over the loci!” You’d be forgiven for asking yourself what the fuck a locus, plural loci, is or are. I myself had the faintest clue, but we don’t need to get into that now. The relevant point was in my eloquent reply.

“Henry, if I had the loci, I’d have to let go of this ledge to hand it to you, and we both know that could end in the very swift and very sudden demise neither of us wants!” Henry was the laconic one. My gifts lay elsewhere.

“Give them here or I’ll push you off this tower myself!” Henry, bless his heart, couldn’t make a threat heavier than the gun he still held leveled on me, and nothing made that clearer than his reliance on gravity rather than good old fashioned lead. I reached down into my breast pocket to feel the cold edges of the loci, still secreted away right where I’d stashed them.

“Counter-offer, why not let me go and we can discuss all of this business in the relative comfort of a steamy bubble bath? You’ve still got the keys to my place, right?” I’d never asked for them back. He’d never offered to return them. I took it for what it was. A tacit admission that he wasn’t willing to break things off. He just needed a break. Promotion from beat cop to lead investigator hadn’t improved his patience, and I was used to his pattern of slinking back after a hard case. We had our rhythms, and we made it work. These bizarro stones weren’t going to change that.

“Ray…” Henry growled, a fire lit behind his eyes that signaled we were inching close to a breaking point. It was the same tone he fell into after I walked in with a few too many bags from a boutique, or if he spotted me liberating articles from some yuppie’s waistcoat while they ogled my tits.

“Henry, I’ll give them back, once I’ve had a chance to take a good look at them. You know I always do.” This was a lie. Henry usually snuck out with any number of pilfered goods when he thought I was sleeping, which I never was. He kicked like a mule while asleep, and I was an early riser. “Besides Hen, when have I ever lied to-”

In the movies, badasses fire off gunshots that knock bad guys clean off their feet. No such thing in real life. Small calibre rounds in particular hit you like angry prods of a finger, only they sting a hell of a lot more, and you bleed all over yourself. The shock of being hit, along with my bewilderment that Henry had actually shot me, the prick, caused me to forget the precarious situation I was in. That all-important sense of vertigo that is supposed to keep you alive? It rushed back with a vengeance right in time for me to tumble out of reach of any possible handholds. I plunged into the void, watching Henry’s face morph into horror at what he’d done. Should I have felt grim acceptance? Maybe. Somebody else might’ve. I flipped him off, and twisted to face the rapidly approaching street below.

Everything moves slower when you’re in moments of tremendous stress or peril, another truism which smartass psychologists swear is post-hoc neuro-processing, some such gobbledygook that amounts to the brain casting off the usual filters to take in all possible details. The gist? Your brain doesn’t speed up, it actually slows down, or at least the amount of information you absorb at the same constant rate increases, leading to that change in perception. What that tells me, a college drop-out with a passing interest in neurocognitive processes where they interact with biocybernetics, is that my fall lasted about the usual amount of time, but my reflexes were firing in response to far more stimuli than normal.

My hand reached into my breast pocket and seized the loci, those blighted jewels that had indirectly caused my current predicament. I can’t say what I consciously expected, other than that I wanted to have the cause of my untimely demise in hand at the moment it all came crashing down. I must have gripped them more tightly than before, the edges digging into my palms and drawing blood. What happened next was difficult to process, even afterward.

I felt the skin of my hand peeling off, like I’d dipped my hand into boiling oil. I watched the sidewalk rush toward me at about the speed of the typical maglev train, and despite my smugness of seconds past, I closed my eyes. My chest lurched like I’d suddenly started falling upwards. The wind rushing past my ears fell silent. That seemed a lot less… violent than I had anticipated. Is death usually so anticlimactic?

I opened my eyes. A cackle tore free of my throat, lurched out right ahead of a wave of bile. I spat when my stomach was empty. The pool of vomit had splattered to the sidewalk beneath me, while I hovered several feet overhead.

“Eat your heart out Henry,” I rasped, throat hoarse from puking. “I am going to steal so much shit, you’ll never be able to give it all back.”

[wanderingpages]

Chapter 3, LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO

Hot girl math every chapter, but i like that you solved the equation for me ❤️❤️ vivi is cardans age, but a freshman 

“My breasts would spill out of anything she owns, so I let her know I do actually own clothes sexy enough to attend a party.” - mommy? Sorry. Mommy?

““I used to sneak out of the house pretty late,” I reveal to her. “Sneakers though – had to climb up to my roof to get back into my bedroom.” ” - she a baddie she showing her panty – also as an aside, love the aesthetic you have going on for the tumblr chapters, like oof, you said (drake voice) this is not to get confused, this ones for you (Me,) – also does this mean she sucks at heels cus she never thought to wore them since she always used sneakers and this is foreshadow or am i reading too into this??? Also this, foreshadow too? > “but he always drew the line at curfew.” (me picking at crumbs) also: Air Force 1s in my air force one (Aside, yall remember rocking that thang remix? Yall remember when rap songs had remixes with like everyone?? Last one i heard was probably fuckin problems. We need another anthem (So i gave em another anthem [we the bessstttt]) - dj khaled - me. Peach i am on medication for Covid.)

““My…brother,” I test the word out. It’s so foreign, it tastes rancid in my mouth. ”- ok but physically, jude…jude, look at me, physically. Not rancid at all. He is delicious, i promise, you jude. Jude. I promise, you jude ❤️❤️❤️❤️

“When I say it again, in front of the lookout guy at the door of the frat house,” - ok but this transition!!! When i say its a MOVIE, PEach. PEACH

“Let me embarrass myself in front of his friends and roommates. He’ll laugh about it later, with them” awed by how canon this actually is for fanfic lmao

““Alright sweet thing,” this guy tells me and I want to punt kick him in the balls for it.” - i know thats right fr. Vivienne also, is everything. Shes a better friend than she is sister, and ill let that sit with yall (yall, i say like im talking to a crowd, bye, im so delulu) anyways but the whole inner turmoil of jude thinking Cardan invited her to embarrass her? Baby who hurt you (Your mother, i know. Already cleared that) im talking in a lot of parenthesis. You can see where the medicine is taking over, actually. Im lucid tho

““My baby sister,” he coos in jest, making me feel uneasy. “Come here,” he tells me,” –he’s such a dickhead im in love

“At the wedding it was all soft makeup and tied up hair. Today, there’s glitter on my eyelids, sharp wings accentuating the shape of my eyes, a gold glimmer on my cheeks that catches in the light, and lips so red that he holds his gaze there for a moment too long. ” – Peach, i love this so MUCH she’s EVERYTHING TO ME 🥰😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

But back to him being an ass why is he soooo lol like really walking around the fact that theyre NOT related, for the taboo of it all. Kinky mf, i fear.

“catching mirth in pretty hazel eyes only partially obscured by sandy blonde hair. ” GHOST? IS THST YOU?

JUDE AND CARDAN KISSED? WHEN?

OH - “. We did a little more than kissing that night. His fingers traced over parts of me even the sun hadn’t yet touched. Thunder had masked cries I couldn’t hold back and lightning had made him look like a luminous god. I cross my legs, embarrassed and something more.” help me. Also shut up locke, mind ur business for real, this is grown people talk.

Omg it was Ghost ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️”“You’re Greenbriar’s sister.” / “Stepsister,” I breathe out ” stop this is so derek and casey coded 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

HOLD ON WAIT GHOST?! GHOST AND JUDE? ( I love that he braced her head when they fell lmao horny but gentlemanly)

AHHH CARDAN? HELLO?! NICASIA ? OH MY GOD AND ALL FOUR OF THEM JUST DECIDE TO KEEP GOING?? They said impromptu orgy. “Cardan shifts and leans back on his elbow, still having a perfect view of me, but now giving Nicasia space to twist her head to look at me, too. ” - please…. I am on my knees… i am unwell….i am sick to my stomach… alexa play that should be me by justin beiber…. That should be me fr but which one is the question??

God why is ghost everything right now??? “Do you want them to watch?” like oh my god….. I need a moment. I need a lot of moments. “”Do you want your brother to watch me taste your come?”” – i am…convulsing. Ghost is… like my body is breaking out in a sweat.

Say please and make it as sweet as your – top 3 things that would send a victorian child into a coma

Stop why was this the best head ive read? 

““Such a good girl,” I hear Nicasia whisper.” - help….  They are actual deviants and i am in hell, keeping your seat warm, peach ❤️❤️❤️❤️

lol see this is the longest ask over ever had so far and I’m truly amazed at your commitment ngl

Sneakers, I guess it’s foreshadowing for some stuff 🤷🏻‍♀️ curfew, yes. I like that you have three separate song references in one paragraph lmao I also feel this is the point you should have called it a night and fell asleep 💀

This is so uncannon that’s I’ve tried to slip all the cannon stuff I actually can in 😫

Actually cardan was intoxicated here but was genuinely surprised she introduced herself as his stepsister cus he was like …oh? Ok…:)

Yeah you know I love me some Ghost 🤭

Yes! Absolutely Derek and Casey!

Yes ghost!!!! Also I do love people being mindful during intimate moments ngl like duh hes gonna make sure she doesn’t crack her head open!

Your commentary here is sending me oh my god 😂🥰

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Alrightyyyyy, I just watched the 2018 JCS Concert version and its probably my least favorite version of this musical so far and, unless theres another 'official' proshot of it that Im not aware of yet, I have little doubt that this will be my least favorite professional version. Its not bad, theres certainly things to enjoy but theyre mostly smaller details and I dont really think the whole managed to be greater than those smaller parts, yknow?

Something that I enjoyed overall as someone whos watched and analysed three other versions of this musical before watching this one, is that there were a lot of points where I could tell that the people behind this were inspired by previous versions but still trying to put their own spin on it and not directly copy certain ideas, that was fun

The camera work was fine, there were a few shots that felt kinda awkward like one where Pilate or some other character I dont really remember, just stares dead into the camera with such a weird expression, it made me cringe a little, but otherwise I dont have much to say about it. I unfortunately dont have a whole lot to say about the staging or lighting or costumes either when I usually talk a lot about those so Im expecting this post to be on the shorter side just for that lmao. Like with the musical overall, those elements arent bad theyre more just lacking or dont quite come together as a whole. I did really like the set though, that sort of under construction cathedral looks really cool and it fits this more abstract telling of the story. It kinda reminded me of the 2000s version, which was also a lot more abstract than either the 73 or 2012 versions but was bogged down by these weird occasional half-hearted attempts at more modern political commentary, which this 2018 version doesnt have so I think its an improvement in that way. And just to be clear, I dont have an issue with newer versions of JCS trying for more relevant political commentary at all, I think its actually very appropriate, they just didnt do a very good job at it in the 2000s one and it honestly seemed like they were going to have the same issues in this version at the very start but they didnt, so that was good. The direction in the 2000s movie is wayyyyyy better though and I found it more enjoyable overall despite that and despite really disliking the lead actors

Speaking of which, I actually didnt really like most of the performers in this one. Judas started out great, he reminded me a lot of 73!Judas which is high praise from me since thats my favorite version and when I rewatched it I was metaphorically laying on my stomach with my head propped up on my hands kicking my legs back and forth like a middleschooler with a crush whenever he was on screen. Unfortunately I do think he got a bit worse over the course of the show to the point where he was 'just' good, which, hey, thats still not bad at all and pretty enjoyable to watch and listen to but still a bit of a disappointment because I honestly thought he did an amazing job with Heaven On Their Minds and even in Strange Thing, Mystifying (although that song had a bit of a weak start imo) and his part in Everything's Alright so the decline was still pretty noticeable. I did like his body language and the way he characterized Judas though

This Jesus was kind of a funny one because based on his appearance and vibes alone he probably has the most Just Some Guy energy out of all the Jesuses Ive seen which is saying a lot and yknow, I enjoy that. And then he opens his mouth to sing for the first time and its absolutely amazing and Im like WOAHH because his voice instantly makes me Get why people would wanna listen to this guy and follow him and stuff. Like, I think Jesus is a very difficult role because you have to balance coming across as detached from the people around him because hes experiencing stuff they genuinely cant understand with coming across as charismatic enough to make it believable that this cult of personality would form around while not making him come across as too much of a holier-than-thou asshole, and I think casting a pretty unassuming guy with a kind of stiff but fairly unremarkable way of holding himself but whose voice is very powerful wouldve been an excellent way to portray him. Im saying 'would have' because while hes great for his first few lines and has some moments where I think he really shines sprinkled throughout the musical, but overall he just kinda gets worse from song to song imo. Its not even like hes good for the entire first act and then gets weirdly bad in the second one, like the reverse of 2012!Jesus who was pretty weak in the first act but then randomly got really good in the second one, he just gets progressively worse its a real shame. But I still wanna mention those moments where he really shines, spoiler alert theyre mostly when he gets angry; when hes yelling at Judas in Strange Thing, Mystifying, hes pretty good in The Temple, both when hes yelling n shit and when he has that short quiet verse between the two parts and during his parts in Trial Before Pilate. Funnily enough those parts are also all parts I really liked in the 1973 german version and his delivery is very similar to that Jesus but thats just a coincidence lol

I also have a lot of things to say about like, the non-singing parts of his performance but in the interest of not talking about Jesus for too much bc I still have a lot of other stuff to talk about, Im just gonna talk about something I noticed during Simon Zelotes in this. In the other versions Ive watched it was pretty clear that Jesus was uncomfortable during that part and I noticed that he really wasnt in this 2018 one, which I initially found interesting (in a positive way) because I hadnt seen that interpretation before but then I thought about it some more afterwards and I was like, ohhhhhh yeah, theres a reason I havent seen that interpretation before huh. I think him being perfectly comfortable during this scene makes him feel a lot more, idk if this is the right word exactly, thoughtless ? he feels very No Thoughts, Head Empty, is what Im trying to say. And it makes him come across as less complex and kind of undermines a big running theme in this musical which is that no one really understands Jesus because hes mentally ill on a mission from god. Also, Simon Zelotes very much feels like its trying to comment on the hollow nature of praying to a guy whose actual teachings you dont really follow and that really loses its impact when Jesus just like. agrees, basically. On top of that it makes Poor Jerusalem kinda come out of nowhere so that makes for a weird experience

So, since Ive talked about Jesus and Judas individually I also wanted to spare some time to talk about what theyre like together since their relationship is a pretty big focus. I dont have a lot to say about the kiss that I havent already said in my first post about this version, its awkward I hate how the hug thats supposed to happen afterwards comes in weirdly too late, I did not like it. at all. And after I made that initial post I realized that part of the reason it felt so weird and awkward is probably because they have basically no physical contact with each other before (or after) this and like. Theres a lot of physical contact between Mary and Jesus and Mary and Peter and I think there was atleast an attempt from her to reach out to Judas and touch his arm at some point and when you pay attention to the extras theres a lot of touching going on too, especially during the The Last Supper which is yknow, the scene that almost directly procedes the kiss so its like, extra noticeable. And its extra weird because theres a lot more physical contact between Jesus and Judas in other versions and in this one its like they wont even stand too close to each other for some reason.

Anyway, moving on to a character that I usually dont have a lot to say about: Mary. I like her but shes not that complex and while her songs definitely definitely arent bad (bc none of the songs in this show are bad imo) theyre not necessarily songs I would listen to on their own, but again, I like her and I think she usually manages to seem interesting even when the play doesnt really focus on her. So it surprised me that they could make her so bland in this one. Ive thought about this for quite a while now and I still cant quite get a handle on why exactly she comes across like that, but I think its because shes lacking that bit of edge that Mary had in the previous versions Ive watched. Like, in the 1973 movie shes kinda grimy because everyone is kinda grimy (I think 70s movies are just kinda like that) and I remember her voice having a bit of roughness to it and she did come across as a bit cold on my first watch, like, I was obviously expecting her to be a pseudo-love interest for Jesus but thats just because Im aware of certain conventions that dictate that any piece of media needs some kind of romantic subplot, not because she actually came across as romantically interested in him. Then in the 2000s version she was pretty passive agressive towards Judas and they did some stuff to make them more obvious foils of each other and Ive talked about this before, this ended up making Judas come across as really weird and bad there but I do think Mary came out of it as more interesting so that was neat. In the 2012 version I'll admit its mostly just her outfit that makes her come across as interesting to me but idk, I also really like this actress and it was neat to see her do stuff with the rest of the ensemble in the background sometimes and she definitely never came across as generic in the same way that 2018!Mary did.

The most interesting things she did were, in this order: go up to Judas after Jesus yelled at him in Strange Thing, Mystifying and he walked away, her touching everyone and calming them down at the start of Everything's Alright and her sitting down between Jesus and Judas and holding both their hands for a moment before leaving to put a candle on the table at the start of The Last Supper. And one of those things wasnt even really interesting! And honestly, shes essentially the Token Girl Character of this very male-centric play and those almost always play this kind of mediator role, so this doesnt really help in making her feel less generic to me. Also, like, idk if this really makes sense as a complaint but I feel like encapsulates my issues with this Mary and its that, when she was doing I Don't Know How To Love Him and she got to the line "I'm the one who's always been/So calm, so cool, no lovers fool" I was just like "sorry girlie, I dont believe you, youve got massive Lover's Fool vibes" yknow. Moving on

I dont have much to say about Caiaphas, Annas and their goons, they were all pretty good. My main issue with them was that they were oddly quiet during This Jesus Must Die but honestly thats an issue with the entire production. Like, idk if something went wrong or if it was meant to be like this bit I was watching this on my computer with the volume wayyyy louder than I usually have it and it was still really quiet for some reason. The fact that the audience would applaud whenever a song ended or whenever a character entered or reentered the stage didnt help bc its like, most of these songs come one right after the other with nary a break inbetween bc they obviously didnt accomodate for that and it doesnt make for a very pleasant viewing experience. But back to the priests, I wanted to give a special shoutout to that guy that sings the line "A rabbel rousing mission that I think we must ABORT" I think hes great, hes absolutely insane, hes a white boy off the shits and I love him for it

Speaking of off the shits white boys, I also really liked Simon. I dont actually remember what his singing was like or if I thought it was good or not, I just remember him going wild on stage while looking like the older version of a Die Wilden Kerle movie villain (if youre not german or didnt watch those, please google "Die Wilden Kerle Gonzo", "Die Wilden Kerle Fabi" and "Die Wilden Kerle Darkside" to understand this joke) and sometimes thats really all you need. Also, during The Last Supper everyone is being very effectionate with each other and I love that Simon is included in that. Like, hes this horrible little man whos done nothing except advocate for violence and look, hes got a friend who hugs him, hes got a woman who hugs him and hes got a guy friend who comforts him when their spiritual leader/maybe friend? has a mental breakdown and starts yelling at all of them all of a sudden. Love that for him

I didnt like Pilate though. He did a good job I guess, but idk the vibes just werent right with him. Funnily enough I had the exact opposite of that issue with Herod, whose vibes were absolutely impeccable but whose singing was just kinda strange and underwhelming. I did like him going up to the audience during that dance break to be like "Whos your king?" or whatever, thats was neat

Thats it as far as my thoughts on the cast go, it wasnt great but I did really like the ensemble. I dont have too much to say about the individual musical numbers which is why I didnt split this post up the way I did my 2012 JCS post. I dont think they did anything particularly noteworthy or striking with the chereography or the lighting that wasnt done better in other version, the most interesting part was really the fact that there were two 'audience-walls'. What I mean by that is that, usually when you have a stageplay you have your set which has three actual walls and then one non-literal wall that the audience can see the story through, but this one has two, its like a rectangle with two sides missing essentially. But they still dont do too much with that, the staging of certain numbers is a bit more dynamic than it would be on a traditional stage (like Damned For All Time/Blood Money for example) and it seems like the performers have a bit more freedom to move and turn around and whatnot but thats about it.

One thing that I did really enjoy was the use of these white scarves. They show up during Hosanna for the first time and the ensemble members and Jesus all wave them around, they look cool and I like how actually wear them and put them around their heads during Jesus' second verse. Soon after that we get The Temple, which I think couldve been better, especially the first part, but during the beggars part the ensemble is also wearing scarves (I think theyre more of a light gray but its kinda hard to tell with the lighting) and I know its a stretch to say that this is supposed to be some sortof parallel or whatever between the two scenes because theres only so many ways you can wear a scarf but idk, I really like the idea of contrasting these two scenes where Jesus is surrounded by his followers. Im pretty sure the next time they appear its during The Last Supper scene where they all have them around their shoulders and then when they all use them as blankets when they go to sleep at the end, I thought that was really cute. Also, Mary puts a scarf around Judas' shoulders and Im pretty sure its light gray instead of white which could be a nod to The Temple scene earlier but I actually think its meant to kindof tie in to Jesus' outfit. I just realized I havent talked about the costuming at all but Jesus is wearing all white with a light gray jacket over it, so yeah. The next time the white scarves make an appearance is during Pilate And Christ, all the ensemble members wrap them around their chests like some sort of faux toga and then they take them back off for that mini Hosanna reprise and wave them around like they did during the song proper. The last appearance of these scarves is during Judas' Death, they're scattered all over the floor and he picks them up and hangs himself with them. I think I wouldve preferred it if he just kept that scarf Mary gave him and hanged himself with that but at the same time this is really good and interesting too, yknow, hes hanging himself using whats essentially a symbol Jesus-worship while telling god its his fault that hes doing it. good stuff

I was getting close to ending it here but remembering that I forgot to say anything about the costuming earlier caused me to remember all the thoughts I had about it but Ive already spent too much time writing this and Im starting to forget stuff, so here are my basic thoughts about the costuming in a quick bullet point list:

the outfits do an overall better job at actually looking cool and/or punk than they did in either the 2000s or the 2012 version, although i might just feel that way because theyre the most up-to-date fashion-wise

Pilates outfit was really weird and I still dont know what to think about it, I wouldve probably liked it more if they cast a different actor with better vibes

Herods outfit was great, no notes

I didnt like those background dancer outfits, they looked like bird-themed strippers and they wouldve felt more appropriate for the first half of The Tempel (that part was also in desperate need of some dancing, basically all they did there was rub their faces against a table full of glitter for about two minutes)

Judas outfit feels like an upgrade of the one from the 2000s version, he actually looked cool, h wore red and he showed some cleavage!! Not as much as the 73 version but still

JUDAS GOT TO WEAR WHITE AGAINNN well, he got to wear an outfit covered in white rhinestones which really looked more silvef but I dont think Im getting anything better than this at this point so I'll take it

I like that Mary wore orange like in the 1973 version and her dress was very beautiful but the lighting was kept very cool/neutral throughout most of the show so it made her stick out when she wasnt supposed to and it was really distracting

I like that all the ensemble members wear white and gray outfits for the crucifixion again, to tie in to Jesus' outfit

So yeah, Conclusion Time

I'd give this one a solid 6.5/10, for reference I thought both the 1973 movie and the 2000 recording were 7/10s and the 2012 version was an 8/10. Maybe thats a pretty high score for a proshot that I didnt have a lot of kind things to say about but idk, at the end of the day I still had fun listening to and watching a musical I really enjoyed

[jodilin65]

WEDNESDAY, MAY 31, 1995 Not much to report at this time. I was watching TV, then I layered my bangs. Now I’m gonna hang out here in my room and read so I can hear if that weirdo starts hammering so I can jump on the phone and give him a piece of my mind.

I went another 24 hours with no Theodur last Sunday. I hope they call soon, though, about setting a time to see Dr. Rauche. Or Roushe. Or however the hell you spell it.

I spoke to Andy at his new apartment. Diana read the little journal I wrote to him for his birthday last February.

Tomorrow night Andy and Diana are going to see Melissa Ethridge in concert, then they’ll be stopping over here to get their stuff. I mean Andy’s soaps, the Judds movie, the backup edit tapes, and the pad I wrote this year’s horoscopes in.

Later…

No hammering at all last night as I finished my library book.

The red van of theirs is there, so if Lenore and the kids went to Idaho, they didn’t go in the van. Personally, I wouldn’t trust that piece of shit outside of Phoenix. Also, I think I may have heard one of those kids wailing.

As Tom was leaving for work this horrible smell of rotten eggs woke me up just as I was knocking off. The cooler does that when the water gets stale, but I said, that’s impossible! He just put the cleaner in that takes away that smell. Then when I came out of my room I realized it was coming from the bathroom, so I thought he had a serious stomach problem. Later he told me he treated the clogged drain.

I wonder if we’ll screw around today. For some reason, I doubt it. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was too tired to screw and only wanted to go down there which is fine, but I’m not stupid, either. We didn’t screw around yesterday either, and the opportunity was there, too. I have a feeling that we won’t be screwing until this weekend. It’s his choice, though. He says we can have a kid, we want a kid and we don’t have to wait. Well, it takes two to make a baby, so he’ll just have to put his actions where his mouth is.

Got a letter from Andy and Diana today which she wrote. It was cool and she has nice handwriting. Andy said I could send her a letter and she’ll write back.

No package from mom and dad yet. I was right in sensing it wouldn’t come today.

I was also right, unfortunately, on sensing I’d have to tape Andy’s soaps tomorrow and Friday, too. The cable guy fucked up.

I had a weird, yet wonderful memory last night. It’s not that it’s something I forgot all about. I just hardly ever remember it. I believe I was 9 and it was definitely the summer I went to the first of the two camps I got kicked out of in Maine. The second one was Camp Meadowlark, but this was Camp Naomi. The memories are very vague, few, and quick. There was this one camp counselor that I was special to. She was probably somewhere in her 20s back then. I don’t even remember her name, but for some reason, the name Robin comes to mind. I can’t see her face or any of her in detail. If I had to guess, though, I’d say she was thin, average height, medium complexion, with brown eyes and hair. Her hair was maybe shoulder length and she may have had a plain face.

I may have had a vague memory of playing volleyball when she was around. I’m not sure. I’m not sure how many times I saw her.

I stood in a rectangular cabin. There were about two rows on opposite sides of the two longer walls with maybe 8-10 beds on each side. I remember stealing the barrette that belonged to the girl in the bed next to me. That was one of the reasons I got kicked out. I’m sure it was mainly cuz I was the hyper, obnoxious, little rebellious kid I usually was. I hated camp.

One night, though, I guess most of us kids were having trouble sleeping, including me. I remember lots of coughing going on, so maybe some kids had colds. Then there she was by my bed telling me, “Go to sleep before I kiss you all over” (not sexual of course; just playful). She might have said something about tickling me, too.

The next thing I remember, I was taken to her cabin. It was very small with 2 twin beds and a little kitchenette. I’m not sure if there was a bathroom in there, but there probably was, and a shower stall, too. She had a medium-sized dog. A mutt with 2 or 3 colors of brown. All I really remember is talking her to sleep. We were laying on our beds that were a few feet apart and I was yacking away as usual. I remember she fell asleep, then I guess I did right after.

The next morning, I think she cooked us breakfast. Maybe bacon and eggs. I think this was also the day my dad would be picking me up.

The last memory I have of her is of us in the woods with her dog. I remember being amazed at how she’d hide and the dog would always find her. Then she said, “I’ve got a present for you.”

It was a Polaroid of the dog. I ditched it when I was around 22, though.

Then I think I was waiting nervously for my dad, knowing how pissed and disappointed at me he’d be. I think I was alone with her and I might have said something like, “What am I gonna do till my dad arrives?”

She might have picked me up and spun me in the air playfully and said, “You’re gonna stay with me!”

We were outside by the office, possibly sitting on a bench or wherever. Then she was crying as Dad drove up and I got in the car and was gone.

Throughout the years I always got the feeling that if at that second no one ever wanted to have anything to do with me, she would’ve taken me in and been so good to me as I grew up. I would’ve been good, too. I always respected those who were good to me and therefore stayed out of trouble.

To the best of my knowledge, this woman wasn’t married and had no kids. I have no idea what she did regularly or where she lived. Did she live in Maine or some other New England state? For all I know she could be living right here in Phoenix. I thought about trying to look for her shortly after I went out on my own, but I wouldn’t have known where to begin.

Who was she? Why was I so special to her? Did I remind her of someone? Why did she treat me so well when no one else there wanted to deal with me or even acknowledge my existence? Does she ever think of me and wonder who, what, and where I am today? I guess I’ll never know.

TUESDAY, MAY 30, 1995 Tom and I had fun swimming after he came home and ate, but we didn’t screw around.

Where in the world has Alex been? I guess he’s busy with the move to Vermont cuz I haven’t heard from him by AOL in a couple of weeks. Since we had our last live chat anyway.

I’m kind of sunburned today. So even though the pool is at a very comfy temperature in the mid-80s, I’m gonna take a break from being out in the sun for a couple of days.

I forgot to mention a couple of past events. Last Sunday Tom attached the mirror that goes to the vanity table. He did a great job. It’s nice and sturdy and stands perfectly upright.

Also, Andy’s become good friends with his neighbor Pam, who’s on disability. He’s really changed with time. Even he admits that he was very selfish and insensitive the first year or two after we met up. Back then, I’d be wary about discussing a headache with him, knowing he’d freak out about it. But now, I could talk to him about anything and he’d listen and try to cheer me up. A lot of people are afraid of stuff they don’t know about or understand and he was afraid of those with disabilities, be it physical or mental, but now he’s not so afraid and paranoid. There are always gonna be Ellies and Frans out there, but he knows not all people on SS or SSI are fucked up. Here’s the funny part of it, though. When we first met up, he called my mother and asked her if he should be afraid I’d go after him with a knife or something like that. Well, he said to me regarding Pam, “I didn’t even call her mother to ask if she were dangerous or anything like that!”

I just got done recording his soaps for today and am gonna tape them again tomorrow. Hopefully, the cable will then be set up, as he was told it would be. He’s already got his new number which is easy to remember.

As for the games we got off of AOL, there are some really cool ones. We got more for his parents that I don’t like, like crossword games and cryptograms.

Here are the ones which he put in my world which are really growing. I mean, when I first got into this computer I had only about 4 things in my world. There’s a kitty puzzle, a connect the dot game, and a telephone game where you make words out of the numbers on the phone pad. There’s also a sliding number game where you have to put numbers in order from 1-15 on a square board. Meaning, 3 rows of 4 numbers, then the 13, 14 & 15 on the bottom. I also have a quilt game where you have to match a sample quilt design. Lastly, concentration games which I’ve always liked. One of them is with a deck of cards. Another is with colors that you have to match.

Guess what next door was doing on and off last night from 12:30 to about 2:00 in the morning? Hammering away. I wasn’t pissed cuz I was awake, and if I’d been asleep, the fan would’ve drowned it out, but that’s really rude! It was distracting, though, cuz I was trying to read, but I was mainly worried and pissed off for Tom. He did get woken up but said it was no big deal cuz it’d be only once in a blue moon that he’d be hammering at that hour. (I hope!) He said he thinks the wife and kids split to Idaho and this is why he’s catching up on home repair. That makes sense cuz you can’t get much done or accomplished with kids around. I know they practically never sleep, but that’s still really rude and selfish. I don’t know if they’ve gone to Idaho, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they did and if it was him that was hammering. You see, I never felt that Lenore didn’t care about others’ peace around them; it’s him that’s like most others. He just doesn’t give a damn about those around him. I could always tell that from certain statements. Like when he said the kids might get noisy. And when Lenore said that she told Dean she was worried he’d wake the street up by pounding on the piano in the middle of the night, and when the kids said in their letter to me, Dad keeps opening the windows on the side by our house. Anyway, if it doesn’t happen again, it’s no big deal. If he pounds away tonight then yes, I’m gonna call over there for Tom’s sake, cuz I know Tom would never do shit about it no matter how many nights he was woken up or how pissed he got. If he won’t take care of any problems dumped on him, his loving wife will. I’ve met lots of childless people who were selfish and only cared about themselves, but it seems that people with kids are much worse for the most part. They think that just cuz they have kids, they own the world. They can do anything, and to hell with anyone affected by it.

We screwed around yesterday and like I said before, I made it clear to him that my “middle” was around the 31st and the 1st, so we’ll see if he conveniently avoids me. I was thinking of confusing him for the July period so he’d be thrown off as to when my middle would be then, but then I thought about it. I then realized it doesn’t matter where I am in my cycle. If he doesn’t cum, there’s no way for me to get pregnant if I can. So I said, fuck it. If he really wants a kid, he’ll cum. He’ll either never do so, or he will when he’s ready if he’s truly holding back. What are my guesses as to why he’s holding back? Well, they don’t go with what he’s said at all, but you never really do know if someone’s bullshitting you just to make you happy. Meaning, maybe he doesn’t want one but doesn’t have the heart to tell me and so he says he does want one. Maybe he really doesn’t think I’d be a good mom. Maybe he does fear for me physically and mentally the same way I do. Meaning, about the lack of sleep, the stress, the pain, etc. I know he’s capable of being jealous, so that could be it too, as well as the stuff we’re planning to do, the job change, and shit like that. It could be money. It could be a lot of things he doesn’t tell me, or that he tells me the exact opposite of.

I have a plan that I may have mentioned before that I’m thinking of starting to put into action. I’ll do it around July 1st, plus this is also what he claims will help him. Well, it’ll be hard for me to get used to, but I’ll omit all talk about cumming and having a kid and see if there’s a change in a couple of months or so. I have a very bad feeling, though. One that tells me nothing will ever change with him no matter what I do or do not say. I love this man and I don’t want to leave him, but the more months that pass with no changes makes me wonder what’s really going through his mind about everything and anything. I know the sayings like, life is full of false promises and people don’t always do what they say they’re gonna do, but if I find out for sure, or have a strong sense that he deliberately lied and led me on about a kid or other stuff, it’s gonna make me do some thinking. It would be the point of the matter that may have me thinking about our being together. I hope to God it never comes to that for either of us, but what else would I do or think? When I see that nothing will change month after month as I fear will be the case, what do I do? Stay cuz of how wonderful everything else is? Or leave and call him a head player and a liar? I’d like to think that I’ll be able to say to myself when this time comes, OK, he was never serious about cumming and having that kid, but no one’s perfect. At least all his other qualities are wonderful, if not, almost wonderful, and it’s not worth going off the deep end over and walking away from him. He has given me so much and has taken care of me in so many different ways be it chatting with me, caring for me when I’m sick, and the way he keeps food in this house and buys me journals and stuff like that. All stuff he could say he doesn’t care to buy or to take me to buy. He could’ve never bought me anything, kept barely two bites of food around, pushed me away when I wanted to talk, and never given a damn when I got sick or never dealt with my ear surgery.

I’ve reached the final straw with these mailmen and I called the PO today. I said I’m sick of having mail I sent returned to me that I know isn’t too thick or heavy. And I’m also sick of getting next door’s mail, and I know our mail’s gone elsewhere too. He said he’ll take care of it. Let’s hope so. I know that Irene W would return to us anything that looked important, and she has. I would think Lenore would too, but I don’t know about Dean or any other households.

I got a letter from Bob today and in it, he enclosed a small envelope that he addressed to me and put a stamp on. Well, the PO put a message on it saying something about the envelope not being of standard size. So, I tore the stamp off and put it on an envelope addressed to Kim with another stamp we had here. I put his remaining edit pages in it with a note to her about the problem and asked her to mail it to him. I know she’ll do me the favor and I can count on her. She also sent me a letter today. Deerfield has a new rule and that is that they don’t return letters to the sender that has postage due. In other words, if I send Kim a letter where there’s postage due, she has to pay for it.

MONDAY, MAY 29, 1995 The ultrasound I went for didn’t take too long, but I won’t know anything about that or anything else till next week.

I forgot to mention something Dr. Rugg said when she asked me about birth control. I said I wasn’t on any and that Tom didn’t cum. Then she said, “He doesn’t want to?” Then, “Or can’t he?”

Now, why would her first choice be to suggest he didn’t want to?

Something else also crossed my mind the other day for the first time, too. If he has a block about cumming, then why not a block on getting hard, too? He told me he’s relieved by wet dreams which are fine. We all have them. However, it’s a little insulting that that’s his #1 source of relief. Aside from having a kid, I wish he’d show me how much he appreciates me in bed here and there.

I still feel led on and teased about having a kid, but it’s his choice. If he really wants one, he’ll just have to cum, cuz despite what he says or Kim says, I still believe he has total control over it.

Other than that, we’ve had a fun day. We were swimming. We filmed that as well as Piggy swimming. It was really cool to see.

Andy and his roommate Diana brought the chair over. I’m wondering now if that wasn’t a big mistake. The back room’s never gonna be organized and there’s no room for it. Tom did clear out the little room out back, though, so now he’s got more room to work on stuff with. The couch is still here, and that being picked up by Goodwill has been put off like everything around here seems to be.

Tom says that unless he’s got a job interview, he’s gonna get business licenses this Thursday or Friday. Yeah, right! This I’ve got to see.

A movie’s going on soon that I want to see, so I’ll write more later.

Later…

I decided I’d write some more while the movie’s recording. I now only have two more journals to type up.

Last week I recorded myself singing a handful of songs to no music. Tom liked The Sweetest Gift the best. I wasn’t surprised. Nor was I when he said that I sing traditional country the best.

A tune to the song I wrote The Strangers Are Waiting flew into my head. I called Dad and sang a few lines to him cuz I wanted to see if it sounded familiar like a rip-off of some other song. He and Tom say it doesn’t sound familiar.

Dad also says a package is on its way.

Kim called a few days ago, too. She said it took Doug an hour and a half one night to cum. Still doesn’t make me feel any more confident that Tom will change no matter how much he says he can’t cum and he wants a kid. Before I continue on with my chat with Kim, I asked Tom if my telling him not to cum would make him go the other way and cum. His answer didn’t surprise me. He said, no, pressure to cum or to not cum would still keep him from cumming.

Kim says Doug’s finally found out who’s been sending him those crazy letters and she’s gonna leave him believing what he believes for now. He said he saw some ditzy-looking longhaired blond girl by his PO Box. He says she’ll now probably realize that the guy who last had that PO Box doesn’t anymore (he thinks she’s trying to write to the guy who previously had that PO Box). She said he almost threw the letters in her car. Too bad he didn’t, but Kim said he’d probably keep the letters forever.

Kim also says she got a letter out to me and is gonna send me a picture of her hair. She’s got something in it I can’t understand, that’s supposedly a big trend. She said something about sending directions on how to do it. Lastly, she took pictures of her apartment while we were on the phone that she’ll be sending.

Tom downloaded us some really cool games from AOL, but I’ll get into that later.

FRIDAY, MAY 26, 1995 Going for that ultrasound today at 2:00. Gotta start drinking as much as I can at 1:00.

Yesterday I broke a record for the first time since 1989. I went for 24 hours with no Theodur! I’m gonna see about doing that every other day, if not daily till I see Dr. Rauche.

Two days ago, on Wednesday, I finally got my first puzzle book from my subscription.

I’ll catch up with lots more writing later!

THURSDAY, MAY 25, 1995 I am so backed up and have so much to write about, so I better get with it. I just went to change Piggy’s cage so Tom would have one less thing to do. Well, he had drilled the holes on the sides a bit too close to the edges and it ripped through. So, I had to kind of tape the side together that you remove to scoop the sawdust out. We’ll have to get longer brackets on and drill new holes further in.

Now, about the stuff we got last Saturday. If I can remember everything, Tom got a couple of things that he put on the block wall to wind the hoses up onto, a new sprinkler, and I think that’s pretty much all he got. He may have gotten a few other things for the yard. We also got a new lounge chair, seeing that the one I’ve been using finally gave out. It’s a really pretty floral one of cloth and not plastic. It’s even got arms on it and is in between a piece of shit and top-of-the-line. I got an adhesive ashtray and why I put it on the left arm when I’m right-handed, beats me. We also got drink holders that you stick in the dirt in the ground or at the beach. They have skinny metal poles and plastic holders on top for cans of soda. We got a white one and a blue one.

I got a puzzle of puppies and a new binder. I think that’s all we got.

Can you believe that Tom finally got the vanity table from Mary’s house? At first, I was like - where the hell am I gonna put this thing? I did manage, though, to fit it into my room without having to rearrange too much stuff. The dresser was at the foot of the bed by the two windows in the front and I moved that to the side of the bed in between the two closets. That’s where I put the vanity table which is nicer than I thought, even though we’re gonna strip the old ugly off-white paint which is peeling, and repaint it. It has a huge mirror and we’ve got to find a way to attach that, too. Its bench which is the shape of a rectangle had a red cloth seat with 6 tacky patches on it of blue with corny flowers. I took an old floral skirt with a torn waistband and cut it to fit on it. Then I tacked it on the sides and it looks so much better. I had had a couple of those plastic shelves where I moved the dresser and I took those out of the room altogether. It’s so convenient to do my makeup with this thing. It’s got 6 little drawers and I’ve got stuff in it like makeup, hair stuff, and other odds and ends.

Today’s Tammy and Bill’s 9th anniversary, so I called them. She told me Mom and Dad sent them a flag, wind chimes, and something about Noah’s ark. I wouldn’t be too surprised if she sent us a flag for our anniversary.

I went to the doctor’s yesterday for a female exam and sure enough, it’s never been easier after having sex with a guy. When they do the swab, that’s uncomfortable no matter what size woman you are or how sensitive you are. All looked fine except for a little inflammation on the cervix. She said that’s normal for some people and don’t worry about it. I don’t think I’ll have to take anything for yeast or any kind of infection, but I’ll be notified about it soon either way. She didn’t feel any spooky lumps down there or in my tits. She said the Theodur plays a part in aggravating my tits as well as the gas in the lower right quadroon as they call it.

She’s a primary care doctor and she was really nice with a great sense of humor that makes you feel comfortable right away. Her name is Dr. Rugg and she was about in her mid-30s. She was 5’ 10” with medium-long curly blond hair. She was between average and a little above average in looks.

When I said how I hated to go for these kinds of exams, she said, “I know how it is. I have a crotch, too.”

She did say she’s known DES daughters who’ve had kids and that infertility wasn’t the issue as much as with cancerous cells.

So, then we got to discussing asthma. When I told her the meds I’ve been on now since 1989, she said that was an old fashion way of treating asthma. Then I said I’ve been hearing that a lot lately. So she said there’s a guy there who was willing to see me that knows all about asthma. If it weren’t for my seeing how good Dr. Nielsen is, I’d have been skeptical, even though they’re different kinds of doctors. I told her that between coming to AZ and the Phase-Out system, my lungs have never been better and that my goal is to somehow cut down or get off the Theodur completely and just take inhalers as needed. So, she said to leave the Proventil and Theodur alone for now and take an inhaler called Aerobid instead of the Azmacort cuz it’s supposed to be much much more potent. She said it’s better to put the medicine right into your lungs where the problem is, rather than to deal with it with pills. From what she told me, I guess they usually take someone that’s taking 300mg twice daily and have them just take it once before bed. I’ve taken the Aerobid twice so far and I do believe I already feel better. I last took my Theodur 14 hours ago and I don’t feel like I need it at all and I’m gonna see if I can just take it before bed tonight. I don’t mean to be playing my own doctor here, but I don’t see how that can hurt me to experiment with that till I see Dr. Rauche. Lastly, I’ll be going tomorrow for an ultrasound to make sure that it is really only a gas problem I’ve been having down in my lower gut.

So this means two more appointments, but very worth it to me if it’s gonna save time, money, and worry in the future, then that’s what counts. I’d love to get off the Theodur and have my 95% sure feeling confirmed that it is just a gas problem and no tumors. I’m sure, though, that if it was a tumor, I’d not only sense it, but I’d have more pain and symptoms.

MONDAY, MAY 22, 1995 We had a great weekend, but I’m so tired right now that I don’t know if I’ll write much.

My longest journals are the ones from when I first began writing. In my first year and a half or so of writing, I had few journals go 6-9 months.

Saturday Tom worked for a few hours, then he came home for an hour with lunch from Jack-in-the-Box. Then he went to the races with his parents.

Yesterday was a busy yet fun day, but first, I made it loud and clear that I’m due for my next period to Tom the day before our anniversary. The 14th. Therefore, it’s easy to remember that’ll it’ll be around June 1st that it’ll be my more than likely time to conceive (if I can). Well, the point is, a little test. I want to see if Tom happens to be too tired on those particular days, regardless of how much he says he wants it and doesn’t want to wait.

SUNDAY, MAY 21, 1995 Man, oh man, am I fucking pissed! I set the timer to record a movie I really wanted to see and fucked up on it. From now on, if I’m not available to watch or record something I want to see while it’s on - forget it. I’m a major grub right now who desperately needs a shower, so I’ll return here later.

FRIDAY, MAY 19, 1995 Yesterday my dad returned to Florida. I’m sure he’s very pleased to be back home.

I feel better, as I usually do after getting my period which I got on Wednesday.

Today’s supposed to be 100º. I believe this is our first 100º day of the year. We’ve been having a mild summer so far. We usually have 100º days beginning in April. Sometimes even in March.

Alex and I still exchange email by AOL and we’ll probably chat live once a month. I sent a letter to Larry and them guys which they should get today. I asked if they have Prodigy or AOL. For the hell of it, I oughta look them up and the M’s next door, too. That may not do me any good, though, if they’re using screen names.

One of the straps on the halter Ma sewed on is too high, so I’ll have to have her adjust it. She said it would be no problem if I needed it adjusted.

Tom put a new word search thing in my world but I can’t figure the whole deal out. There’s a thing to make your own puzzles, but I can’t figure out how to do it. It says to hit a certain button I can’t find.

Can’t think of anything else right now, so I guess I’ll go work on my story. I also have my library book to read, as well as my medley to continue with.

Later…

It’s a real bummer that I’m tired now cuz in a few days I have that appointment. I have to push it as late as I can.

I was laying out, and the lounge chair isn’t gonna hold up much longer. I hope we can get a new one this year, as well as that bee thing. Like I said, that’s one of the few things that really annoys me about Tom. True, he has to work full-time, but I still say part of it is all him hoping he can “make” me patient.

Another thing that slows him down from doing stuff and throwing stuff into place is the fact that he’s got so much stuff. Mainly stuff he’ll never use that just sits there and hogs up space. I can bet you that when we get new lounge chairs, he’ll keep these ripped-up old rusty ones here hogging up space.

I just wish he wouldn’t kid us both. He wants to go into business, he’s got plans for my singing soon enough, we’re gonna have a kid… Yeah, right! My ass we are! The cigarette machine was supposed to be done eons ago. I can go through and list a million different things he’s said that either never get done or only get partially done. And why do the back room? He’ll only trash it again a week later. None of this makes me love him any less, but I’m sick of it!

I wonder if there have been new people living across the street. A month or two after the heavy metal music vanished, he did, too. Then came a new security door (the kind we want) and other new decorations. However, that old, ugly, pitifully obnoxious van is still in the back of the driveway where it has been for a long time now.

Off goes Daddy next door to work now for 12-18 hours. I wonder what he does.

Nah, that might have been the car on the other side of him or the pig across the street two houses away from the music house, cuz it doesn’t sound loud enough. Plus, I think he leaves at 8:30.

Anyway, Tom’s being a slob and having so much stuff is another positive to not having the kid I know we’re not gonna have. I wouldn’t want the kid to take after that. I mean, that’d teach it to totally be messy and unorganized. Also, we have enough stuff to put away or up high on shelves. There’s no way I could keep any kid out of all this stuff.

In his room this morning I was asking him how come he had grocery lists from 20 years ago all over and he said, “Cuz I don’t have time to throw them out.”

Oh, a big two-second loss of his precious time! Yet he thinks he has time to go into business and have a kid? No wonder the guy won’t let himself cum. I agree with him and Kim about part of his not cumming being out of his control, but I still say that’s 5% of it. He can cum just fine.

THURSDAY, MAY 18, 1995 There really hasn’t been much going on to chat about right now. I’m gonna finish typing 78 tonight.

Good God. I swear that guy next door works way the hell over 40 hours a week. Where does he find the time to keep getting his wife pregnant? He just came in. What a life, though, with so many kids. Probably nothing but home and kids for her and work for him.

Later…

Just got done watching a movie and Tom’s now getting ready for work.

I finished typing and printing out 78. Now I’ll begin 80.

Last night I began redoing a medley of my favorite songs. I’ll keep working on it.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 17, 1995 Why do I always miscount when I'm due for my period? I wasn't due yesterday, I'm due today. After this period, I'll be getting the next one the day before our anniversary. Lucky me, huh?

There's nothing new to discuss now, so bye for now.

TUESDAY, MAY 16, 1995 I was due for my period today, but so far it's been all cramps and no period. I hate that.

Be back to write more later.

MONDAY, MAY 15, 1995 This will definitely be the last huge journal I’ll get. I still like it. It’s just a little awkward to write in. Especially when I lay in bed.

A few nights ago I puked. Thankfully it wasn’t much and I only puked once. I was nauseous, though, for a few hours before and after. Tom helped calm me down and what he told me sure has had me feeling much better. You see, I told myself that if I don’t talk about a kid it may help him get off (this is what he says, but I don’t believe he’ll ever get off either way). The bad side of that, though, is that it gets all bottled up. I didn’t want to talk about it, though, cuz I didn’t want him to feel pressured.

Then he finally said, “Look. We can’t have you sick, so talk about it all you want. I don’t want you keeping it in and bottling it up any more than I would with any other issue.”

This has made me feel so much better. It’s actually made me even think of a kid less often. Sure, I still want one, however, I still do have my fears about it, love to sing, and do all my other hobbies and there’s no fucking way I can be a day person every day. The way I see it, though, is we’ll probably never be able to have one, but it’s good to know I can still discuss it. Especially when I know that not discussing it isn’t gonna magically change things.

He brought the computer over to his parents today and he brought back my halter-top. She put straps on it and did a great job.

I didn’t know the Judds movie was a two-parter, but it is. I saw part one. It was great.

As for Norah’s movie - all her clothes are pitiful, cuz it’s set in the early 1900s, but she really doesn’t look bad at all. Her hair’s not too long, but it isn’t short. It’s about shoulder length. All her movies are so boring, except for The Guardian. I love to watch her, though, and I’ve got lots more to see. Tom did a fine job cutting commercials so they’d fit.

I finished the puzzle and taped it. I’ll put it up on the kitchen wall tomorrow.

Gotta see Dr. Nielsen tomorrow.

Later…

Dr. Nielsen’s appointment went great. It looks so healthy, that it’s even producing wax. So, he cleaned out a few flakes of dead skin and now I don’t have to go back till August 14th! Then, 6 months after that, which will be 1996, then a year after that which will be 1997. Tom was right about it all. He’s right about everything except saying things will be done or happen at certain times, his getting off, and us having a kid.

I left Andy and my mom a message about my ear, then called Tammy’s. She goes, “I don’t want to hear about your weather or your pool.”

Then Dad got on the phone and said, “It was 40º this morning and when I was working outside in Brimfield it was nothing but freezing and rain.” Then he goes, “Wait a minute. Let me take off my gloves.”

I was cracking up and I told him it was that way just for him and that it’d warm up when he leaves. True, he says, the weather is to warm up Wed. He’ll be leaving tomorrow and will arrive in Florida Thurs.

He was happy about my ear and said he believes Mom’s taping the Judds movie. I told Ma on her machine to call me if she hasn’t taped it for whatever reason and that I’d send it if need be.

Andy’s taping a two-part Stephen King movie and he wants to see the Judds movie, so we’re gonna swap tapes.

The rest of the Norah movie wasn’t too impressive. She had a million different ugly hairstyles and outfits. Yup, she looked her best in The Guardian.

Got a Bob letter today and he enclosed a drawing from a magazine of a girl who sort of resembles Gloria. I drew it and it came out pretty nice, but I didn’t mean to make her fat. She’s got a mama’s face.

Later…

Tom got home an hour ago and he’s in his room watching his show, then he’s gonna crash. We’re both beat. He had to get up early and I had barely 5 hours of sleep.

After the appointment, he dropped me off, then went back to work. Then, I cried for a few minutes, believe it or not. There’s knowing it’s over; then there’s knowing it’s over. It really hit me today. It’s over!

I saw their dog tied up out front today. Guess they exterminated again. That goes with having one kid, let alone so many cuz of the way they throw food all over, spit, and puke.

Well, I’m just gonna go veg out and do some puzzles for now. Maybe I’ll get more into that library book. I’ve only read a few pages so far.

SUNDAY, MAY 14, 1995 Well, Norah’s movie will be going on in 7 hours. Tom’s gonna cut some commercials. I’m gonna set my alarm for noon and I’ll cut commercials when I get up too, if he was unable to cut 15 minutes’ worth.

Tonight will be the Judds movie.

I spoke to Mom today who got my card today and was laughing with her over what Lisa and Tammy told me. It was only 45º there! HA! And poor dad’s stuck in it.

Tomorrow we’ll probably go swimming. All it needs is 5-8 more degrees on it and it’ll be perfectly comfortable.

There are more odds and ends I suppose I could write about. However, I’m gonna go work some more on that ice cream puzzle.

SATURDAY, MAY 13, 1995 We’ve sure been busy these last couple of days.

Tom’s putting together stuff for his parent’s computer that he’s gonna bring over tomorrow. His dad is 83 today.

Yesterday’s appointment was a waste as far as we’re concerned. They don’t really know what they’re doing in that particular area. She said a certain low pitch has gotten worse, but oh well. I know how I hear and that’s in between nothing and the good ear, so who cares about hearing tests? It’s probably a little gunked up with dead skin and he may want to vacuum it this time around when we go to Dr. Nielsen on Monday. At least it didn’t hurt and they didn’t put anything on to crush my skull. She just had me hold up one earpiece to my ear and didn’t test the good ear since that’s not what we’re concerned with.

After the boring hearing test, we went to the mall and ate. Then we went to a bookstore. Their journals were boring, but I did get another huge word search puzzle book. Who knows if my subscription will ever arrive? It seems like every other thing you order by mail never comes. Andy never got his 70s CD.

Tom got a computer disk with a book. I also got a few other things. A library book, and cuz he was a day late getting the last book back, he owed 30¢. I said, “Bad boy.”

Then the woman asked if the book was for me and I said yes. Then she says, “Don’t be a bad girl.”

I got my third doggie mug, so now I have a collie, an Irish setter and a cocker spaniel, and a huge puzzle of ice cream sundaes.

THURSDAY, MAY 11, 1995 I’m out back right now and it’s absolutely gorgeous. The perfect temp. Earlier it was pretty hot at 92º. The pool temp made it up to 79º today. Why does 79º feel like 59º? Well, I didn’t swim, but come late afternoon I was able to quickly dip in up to my neck.

I’m still troubled with thoughts of having a kid, but it’ll keep on getting less and less and I’ll outgrow it, I’m sure. Especially when I look at all the negatives of having a kid. While I may believe more what he and Kim say about his not cumming, I still believe he’ll never cum whether or not I mention a kid. And he knows this. I only hope the day will come that he’ll admit this and not be indirectly or directly leading me on. I sure as hell don’t want to believe for a minute that he could be leading me on about this one subject, but time will continue to tell. He may not be a TM (typical male), he may say he wants a kid and mean it, but he’s still a guy. Having a kid ain’t much of a guy thing.

I made our swing quite comfy. I stuck that twin-size foam mattress on it and threw a sheet over it.

Gotta go online with Alex soon.

Later…

I chatted with Alex for about 40 minutes. This time we had no problems sending each other private instant messages. He got a job with IBM up in Burlington Vermont which he’s moving to real soon. Vermont - yuck!

WEDNESDAY, MAY 10, 1995 Tom had an interview this morning with Bank of America that I just know went well and has good benefits. I only hope the pay is good and his hours and days off are what we want.

We’re gonna be ordering some sex toys if Tom doesn’t forget, cuz you have only 10 days to mail it in if you want 50% off. We haven’t filled out the form yet, but some of the things we may get are chocolate cream (for when he goes down on me), a fruit-flavored body massage oil that warms the body as you rub it on, so you don’t get chilled. Maybe a clit vibrator too, for when I’m on my own.

Later…

Yeah!! That movie, A Woman of Substance with Norah in it is on this Sunday. The only problem is, the damn thing runs for 6 hours and 15 minutes. I’ll either have to have Tom record a half hour or so of it in his room or find a way to make sure I’m up to sit there and pause it on commercials till I’ve cut 15 minutes of those out. If only I didn’t have 3 fucking appointments this month to get in the way! I’ll ask Tom what he thinks is the best way to handle it and together we’ll figure it out.

I got up at 10:00 this morning and couldn’t get in to retrieve our messages. After an hour of being on hold and typing up several pages, I finally got through to a VM repairperson. They’re working on it now and they say we’ll get a discount.

Later…

Thank you, Kim!! We had a little chat yesterday about the birds and the bees which really helped me to feel less alone. When I called her I told her I’d thought about bringing this up to her before and was wary of it, till I told myself, hey, what are friends for?

I told her Tom’s never cum since we’ve been together and that he said he did once, but nothing came out. Well, she told me that she could never feel Mark or Doug cum, and that yes, that’s possible. Possible for them not to have a discharge or have only a very small one, I mean. I asked her if it were possible for a guy to cum while they’re going really slow. Yup, she said. Doug’s that way. She says Tom’s most definitely not kidding about sexual issues or about having a kid. This is cool, cuz while it’s natural for me to be a skeptic here and there, I know he’s been honest about everything else. Maybe except for when Kim, Phil, and Alex were here, though. She agreed with me that if he were playing with my head over this, he’d play with my head over all kinds of things. People don’t usually lie about 1-3 things. They lie about almost everything. Soon, I’ll write about what she asked me and what I told her that made her feel better and less alone.

Later…

About the question Kim had for me - she told me she’s never cum by penetration and wanted to know more about that. I remember when I was about 21 I had the same questions. I let her know that I, as well as half of the women in this world, can’t cum by penetration alone. When Tom’s in there, I have to do my clit with my hand as much as I enjoy Tom in there. Me telling her this made her feel just as good as it did me when she let me know I’m not alone. She also told me that Doug doesn’t always cum, not that he doesn’t enjoy what she does. She says he also goes from hard to soft a lot like Tom does and has no problems getting hard either.

OK - these people next door have been doing great, so why are the kids out there screaming now, and is it even them? I hear a boy that sounds older than the boy next door and I hear some vehicle running, but it doesn’t sound close enough to be next door, so who knows?

TUESDAY, MAY 9, 1995 I amazingly slept last night from about 10 PM - 8 AM. I slept solidly. I didn’t wake up to go to the bathroom and I can’t remember one dream. Just when I asked myself why I did that, cuz my schedule was actually backing up, I remembered having to take an allergy pill last night. I felt groggy upon waking up and I still do.

Yesterday Tom said he felt like he had a cold, and I finally began working on my story.

Tom had read the letter from the two girls next door. He never said anything about it and told me it was up to me to talk to them if I wanted to, but I wonder. He likes the sound of kids (or seems to) and told me months ago that he hoped I’d get used to it cuz he wants a kid someday. Maybe I’m wrong, but he always seemed to want me to be around when they were noisy. I’ve also noticed that whenever I’m around when he’s watching TV he flips the channel to kids’ stuff, cartoons, and shows. I’m beginning to feel more and more like he’s teasing me with the subject of a kid. Why, though? Why would he do this to me? I have a bad feeling that he knew all along since day one he’d never cum. He’s said just as much stuff about wanting one as he’s said about not wanting one, but I’m beginning to believe anything he’s ever said about wanting one was only to make me happy. Did he know all along he’d never cum? Was he against having a kid from day one? If he really is, and if he really is teasing me, then why? How can a guy who’s otherwise one in a million do this and play with my head this way? He denies teasing me, but if he really wants a kid that bad, why doesn’t he cum? Why say he wants it? Why say he thinks the responsibility would be good for me and that he feels I’d be a good mother?

I asked him a while back if he’d say he came every now and then cuz that’d turn me on and make me feel more normal, so to speak. He said he couldn’t do that cuz he’d feel like he was lying. Yeah, well, I have a feeling he said that as a cover-up for those other two times he claimed to cum which he didn’t.

I was half wrong about one thing, though, but he clarified himself yesterday. He said it’s not mandatory that he sleep with me to get me pregnant, but says it’ll help. I agree and can understand that, but people do get pregnant by people who don’t even live with them. The guy’s got too many excuses, whether they’re legit or not. He’s sick, he tired, he’s out of shape, got things on his mind, etc.

Well, there are still other facts to consider too, with or without him cumming. Is my plumbing OK? If there is really a God (which I’m not always too sure of) does He think it will kill me in the ways I always feared? Does He want me to keep this wonderful life I never thought I’d have with nothing to interfere with it or ruin it? Does He think it’s wrong? Does He want me to wait till I’m 40? Will the desire ever go away like others have? God, I have so many of the same never-ending questions. Will they ever get answered?

Later…

Tom would be the perfect husband if he’d only stop putting off things, trying to change certain things, and if I only knew and he could prove that this baby thing isn’t all just one big joke on me. There have been countless things we were gonna buy, make, or do that he constantly puts off. I know these things take time, aren’t always in the budget, and he’s been trying harder lately. However, I really think it’s part of his trying to force and instill patience in me. He denied that and I believe 95% or more of the stuff he tells me, but there are still some things I just cannot buy so easily.

He also tells me he’d never try to change me and how I’m such a good decorator. So why does he put stuff back in places he knows I don’t put them? I think it’s for two reasons. One’s cuz he’s trying to show me that my way isn’t the only way. He once even commented to me saying I have this certain assumption of how things should be. The other is cuz I really believe he’s obsessed with me picking up after him.

I’m skeptical about the final finishing of the back room. He’ll only re-trash it. Forget about doing his room and going through and ditching or sorting through a basket of old clothes of his. We were supposed to do that 6 months ago.

He said he wanted to call about getting business licenses on May 1st. He could’ve called or gone there after work. This business thing has me wondering just like with the kid. He’s full of shit!

Anyway, if life stays just as it is (even though he says change is inevitable), then fine. It’s better than my old life, but I’m always gonna be angry about being led on. I just wish he’d stop saying he’s gonna do stuff that he never does or that he does 6 months after he says it.

I proofread the stories he said he was gonna read long ago and says he’ll read this weekend.

Just when our 90º weather dropped off to the 70s and threw the pool temp down to 70º, it’s back. Back in the 90s, so soon it’ll be plenty comfortable for a swim. It’s 76º now and I know most people could deal with that, but it seems I can’t deal with it under 83º.

My stomach’s been looking and feeling so much better since I stopped eating dairy. Less gas, bloating, and constipation.

MONDAY, MAY 8, 1995 I went to bed last night close to 11 PM and got up at 4:30 this morning.

Yesterday we went grocery shopping, then over to his parents. Marge is gonna put straps on a halter-top I have that falls right down. Tom was showing her stuff on the computer, while Ray entertained me on the Pachinko machine.

After we left, we went to a park with life-size metal statues of people. They looked so real. Especially from a distance.

Lastly, we went to the Osco where I got 3 small 100-piece puzzles. They’re only 7 x 9, but they’re so cute. I got one of rabbits, cats, and dogs. They’re up on the kitchen wall now.

I also got makeup remover, nail polish, and a very smart purchase I saw advertised on a TV commercial. Oil of Olay has a body shampoo with a pink scrubbing puff and supposedly you won’t need lotion with this stuff. It’s great! It really lathers up well, all you need is a little drop and it really works. This is so much more convenient cuz putting lotion on is a pain in the ass. Especially when I’m trying to do my back. It’s greasy, too.

I forgot to mention what I got for only $9 at the grocery store. A lamp/organizer. The lamp is on a long stick-like thing you can adjust to wherever. It came with paper clips, thumbtacks, a notepad, and a built-in tape dispenser. The tape dispenser’s too low and all messed up, but this is OK since we’ve got 4 of them around here. It’s got other slots and grooves for stuff. On it, I’ve got pens, drawing pencils, erasers, paper clips, the notepad, address labels and stamps.

Andy left a message saying he got the typed edits. He said he couldn’t believe I could sit there and type that for hours, and he couldn’t see himself reading it unless he was totally bored. He will, though, he says, cuz of all the time and work I put into it.

Later…

You have no idea just what a relief it is to see them so quiet next door. For the first time since they’ve been here, I can honestly say I hope they don’t move. With my luck, they’ll move soon and another huge family will move in. The difference would be that the parents would be like most people and not give a shit.

I called Tammy who says Bill’s not doing too well. Dad will be there next Mon. and will be leaving the following Wednesday which is the 17th. On the 19th he’ll be back in Florida.

When I told her that her genius brother-in-law put in a garbage disposal, she said, “So.” Then I remembered her house doesn’t have one, so maybe she’s jealous.

I told her big sisters are supposed to look out for little sisters and little sisters are supposed to tell big sisters about health and beauty stuff so I told her about that Oil of Olay body wash.

I had 3 songs on oldies #1 tape that are now on CD, so I stuck songs in their spots from an incomplete tape.

Tom and I had a hot debate a few days ago and I totally disagree with everything he said. He asked if I wanted him to get a vasectomy cuz he was sick of playing this game. I said, “Excuse me?”

Yeah, I can be contradicting on the subject of having a kid, cuz there are both reasons to do so, as well as to not do so, but he is just as contradicting about it. All I can do on my part in the hopes of getting pregnant is lay back and spread my legs. Meanwhile, he’s done nothing to put his actions where his mouth and desires are. Then he goes on to tell me he can suddenly start cumming just like that. Yeah, right. Then why doesn’t he?

Then he says he has to be sleeping with me before we can make a kid which I know wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference. So, I finally told him, “Look. Don’t be leading me on. You say you think I’ll be pregnant between May and July and we both know this isn’t true. Next, you’ll say you think it’s gonna be between August and October, and well…don’t. I don’t want to hear it.”

Plus, he knew we couldn’t be sleeping together full-time by May and July, so why did he say we had to sleep together to make it? Meaning, why’d he say May to July when he should know that’s too soon to sleep together? Our not sleeping together may make me feel “abnormal,” but it’s just not gonna happen. He said failing’s when you don’t try, not when you try and something doesn’t work out. Well, Saturday night we tried it and boy did I ever feel like a failure. He disagrees with me, but yes I did try and no I can’t change myself. It’s not that I don’t want to, cuz I can carry on my business of writing, listening to music, etc. It’s just not me. There are always some things about ourselves we cannot change and I don’t want myself or him to kid ourselves about it. Just like I couldn’t make myself be tall, I can’t sleep with him, maintain a schedule, have a kid, or quit smoking.

Like I said before, it’ll take time, but I’ll get over not having a kid. Most people don’t like or want the same things forever. I got over never being with a woman more often and I don’t miss not having that. There are only a few things I hope I never get sick of and bored with like Tom, singing, and writing. Well, actually, there’s lots of stuff I hope I’ll always be into.

Shit, I got a wart growing on the front of my thigh, a few inches above my knee.

SATURDAY, MAY 6, 1995 Tom put up our new shelves in the back room and he's now installing the garbage disposal.

Guess what came in the mail today? The CDs! Linda's Living in the USA came as well as the 70s one.

FRIDAY, MAY 5, 1995 Amazingly, I finished typing all the edits yesterday. On a size of point 9 they take up 19 pages. I condensed it down to 11 pages with point 7 or 6, and I’m sending copies to Andy, Kim and Bob.

Yesterday I also got the signing program disk from Alex. It’s pretty cool, although some of the illustrations are poorly drawn. The quiz is no challenge for me since it’s really for beginners. A sign comes up with 5 words next to it and you click on the word you think it is and it tells you if you’re right. Boy, times have changed! When I learned, it was from a book. It’s so much easier and more convenient for people to learn on the computer where you can just scroll down a list in alphabetical order and the sign comes up with each word. It’s just harder to carry around with you like it is to take a book out to wherever.

Later…

I laid out earlier and did a few other things. I did some word puzzles when I was out. I washed my comforter, changed the bed, sang, made spag, did a few dishes, and typed a few letters. I think I’ll go type up some of 76 now.

Later…

Tom just got off of work at 4:00, but he mentioned stopping at a hardware store for shelves. We’re gonna put up more wooden shelves to replace those flimsy plastic ones. We’re also gonna put up ones that are only about 6” in depth (from the wall on out) for all his disks.

I’d like to check into clipart and decorating stationary. Papers I type letters on and journal stuff. Alex used that really cool FBI seal in his letter. Supposedly, there are ways to get pictures around or amid stuff you type. I’ve seen and done it before, but I’d like to know more about it. Especially how the seal was done. It was on the paper beforehand and it’s very light so your typing can be seen and read easily.

Gotta trim my bangs one of these days real soon. It looks really scruffy and I still have a million split ends.

A couple of mornings ago I was horny as Tom was going to work. He told me I’d have to take care of myself till he got back. I asked if he ever took care of himself when I’m asleep. He said if he has the time. I asked if he just gets himself horny and aroused, or does he go all the way? He said he only gets himself horny and aroused. God! I hate to call my husband a liar, but I just don’t see how this is possible. Especially for as long as we’ve been together. I mean, he may not be a typical male, but he’s still a guy. A human being. I’m sure he relieves himself whenever he can. Either that or he has wet dreams constantly. He probably just told me that so as not to upset me. Why would I bother getting upset over it after all this time? I might if it kept going on for years. Then again, maybe not, cuz I don’t expect a change even though he’s 100% sure it will. He says things can “suddenly” change and he says he doesn’t want to wait. Yet there are no actions to go with these words.

We were discussing last night how I’m afraid to succeed and move on, even with the stuff I want and it’s true. I told him, though, there are things he could do too, that’d help us both. I told him that as far as us sleeping together, to either move in or don’t. I still feel the same about that. I want him to cuz we love each other and would feel more “married,” but that’s a classic example of how changes and progress can scare me. I just don’t want to return to the days of having to deal with being woken up constantly. Also, he promises not to trash this room, but I still have to see that to believe it. As far as I’m concerned, the rest of the house is one thing, but this room is my space.

Time for a cigarette, then I shall return to write more.

Later…

I just listened to a message from Andy that he must’ve left when I was out back or had the music on. His roommate who’s 100% better, loved my little crayon can that I made him as well as the edits. Especially Karson’s. So many people like the edits, and two of his friends, Quinn and Goofy, have copies. I told him I gotta start charging people $5 per tape!

I’m gonna go food shopping this Sunday with Tom, but I sure as hell ain’t looking forward to the fucking crowd. I really hope he gets at least one weekday off soon, preferably two.

Later…

I just decorated several pages. My own homemade journal clipart.

Well, it’s almost 6:00, so I guess Tom wasn’t too tired. I was kind of panicky last night for the first time in a while. There is hope, though, of getting over and growing out of certain things.

Later…

Tom found a note for me on the front door dated March 8th. Two of the girls next door typed it up on their computer, which is a piece of shit like Tammy’s, but very sweet and sincere. I’ll put it in my binder with all my other letters.

I typed out a quick thanks-for-the-letter-and-understanding note and stuck it in their door next door. How can they play on the other side of their house, though, like they said they’ve been doing? The other side of their house would be the driveway of the other house next to them. Nonetheless, it’s been great around here and I’m so glad, cuz most people just don’t give a shit. I know all too well about that thanks to Barbara, Robert, and Andi.

Before I get into what Tom bought, let me back up to what I was saying right before he got home. The reason why I have the hope of getting over and growing out of wanting a child is cuz people’s desires and goals do change. Also, here are examples. When I was around 21, I knew it was never meant for me to be with a woman. Yes, I’m still right, as well as wrong with things I feel. It took me a few years, but I did live through it and got to the point where I could deal with it, accept it, move on, and get over it.

Tom got more shelves as I said he was gonna, but we’ll still need more. The guy’s got a lot of books, magazines, and disks. He got a fluorescent light for the kitchen, like the one by the computer. He got wiring for the garage, so we can have a light to flick on when we’re coming and going at night. Right now there are only 2 or 3 long fluorescent lights towards the center and back of the garage and one that’s sound activated. It looks like a nightlight. Lastly, we finally have a garbage disposal! Yes! No more scraping and straining food out to dump in the pail, and hopefully no more clogged sink either.

THURSDAY, MAY 4, 1995 Well, I’m dubbing the second edit tape right now for Andy. He’s gonna hang onto the backups. I won’t dub the third tape, though, till it’s filled up. The next step is to type up all the edits. I’ve already got a tape’s worth of them already typed up. When I’m done with that I’ll send Kim and Bob a copy, and I asked Andy if he wants one.

Yesterday I took a beautiful shirt that’s way too tight since my chest has grown a couple of inches and I took off its colored jewel stones. Then, I glued them on 83’s binder.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 3, 1995 My God, I honestly don’t believe it! Andy finally sent the card he got Tom for doing his taxes. Andy’s one of those who either never does what he says he’s gonna do or he does it 10 years after he says he’s gonna do it. Anyway, I’m not gonna open it cuz it’s addressed to him, but I’m sure he’ll be quite pleased and I’ll see it later.

The cutting of all the edit tapes is finally done. I have two 90-minute tapes filled up and half a side of a third.

We got a new modem which is faster and goes inside the computer. I sent Alex a message and got one from him. I’m surprised there weren’t several from him asking where the fuck I’ve been. He sent the sign language disk by UPS. Why is he using UPS and not regular mail?

I called CT and Bill answered. He’s doing OK and the girls got their letters. I quickly talked to Tammy, then Dad got on. He goes, “Jodi Lin! I went by your old place in Niantic and gave them the finger. We were by Genovese, Shop Rite, etc.”

Yup, that’s a 2-minute walk to Oakwood Knoll if you cut through the woods. I also reminded him that that’s Norwich, not Niantic. He asked if I got the package and what I thought about the catalog. I told him just what I typed in their letter about that and all the other stuff in the package. Ma said she’s saving all the letters in his drawer for him. He got the letter all about it right after he split.

He said when he left Florida, he left in shorts and it was 85��. It was in the 50s in North Carolina and last night it was raining and a chilly 47º when he arrived in CT. He said he had to sleep under the covers since it was cool.

Friday he’ll be at Larry’s.

Andy and I used to sing bits and pieces of this song called How Do You Do, but neither of us has heard it in years. Well, I got it taped today and left the bulk of it on his VM.

TUESDAY, MAY 2, 1995 Better get on with the writing before I slip too far behind. I just may get this annoying lower gut of mine checked out now that I’ve got real insurance and real doctors. Tom and I are still sure it’s gas and lousy eating habits. However, If I go and tell a doctor that I’ve had these constant feelings of gas and bloating and that my lower right gut is more swollen, maybe I’ll be told some other tip to help it that I don’t know about. I discussed this with Mom and Tammy, and they said to see a doctor.

Bill’s home now after two months and I sent him a welcome home letter. Why I did when I never really cared too much for the guy beats me. Maybe cuz it’d make Tammy happy.

I also left Lenore a note after all. Yesterday I put a note on her door thanking her for understanding and considering my earlier request (yes, it’s been wonderfully quiet around here). I said I was home a lot and that she could ring the doorbell if she wants to chat or have coffee. I’m sure she’s a very busy person, but I only hope the oldest kid can watch all the others if she were to decide to pop on over.

I finished the two puzzles my parents sent, taped their backs, and put them up on the living room and kitchen walls. I had a music puzzle I had done a few months ago and I put that back together too, and up on the door of the little room off the back room. Luckily, I didn’t crumble it up when I stuck it back in its box, so I only had to redo 5% of it.

I also put my little white plastic shelf up in the bathroom that I got from Nancy H. That’s the one who lived in Jai’s studio the first time I was living on Woodside Terrace when I was 21. I was 20, actually, when I first moved into that apartment.

I put up a Nintendo game holder on the living room wall by the TV.

I sorted more disks in the back room and grouped the two sizes together. Tom and I have both done lots of sorting of all kinds of stuff in the back room. We’re gonna get more shelves for books, magazines, and disks.

I called the 800# where I ordered the 70s CD. According to them, I’ll get it on the 10th. Oh, I hope so!

Our modem is completely broken, so we’re gonna get a newer, faster one.

Dad probably spent last night somewhere in the Carolinas. He’s gonna be at Tammy’s tonight. Tammy isn’t too thrilled about the fact that he’s mostly gonna be in Brimfield and only spend a couple of days there. That’s how they usually are, though. He has friends there. The E’s. I met them back in ‘89 with Boo and Max, and Max wouldn’t shut his big mouth.

When I called ma I asked if dad was in the land of the old, ugly, and expensive and she goes, “Speak English.”

Typical response from her. She was pleasant, though, other than that. She said Heidi threw up all over. Max and Heidi are their dogs. They’re poodles. That’s all they’ve ever had since I’ve been alive.

Alex has no doubt been trying to get ahold of me through AOL, so I sent him a regular letter letting him know our modem was a goner, but that I’d contact him as soon as I could.

We did end up swimming on Sunday and I swam twice yesterday, too. Tom heated it up a little to give it a jump-start, even though it’s been between the upper 80s to low 90s. The pool temperature was 84º on Saturday, 86º yesterday and today it’s 81º. It’ll go up to 84º - 86º before the day’s out.

Yesterday Tom suggested I try to draw a cartoon and I tried to draw 6 scenes. The first 5 of a bunny running. The last scene was to have it meet up with another rabbit with a carrot. By the time I got to scene 3, it was like - no way! I’d need some pictures to copy. I’m not quite talented enough to be able to do it off the top of my head.

Later…

It is a hot one out there! I went to get my 10 minutes or so of gradual sun exposure and color while I did a word puzzle. Ten words later, though, I was frying and you know how fast I am at word puzzles. The pool’s 82º but it feels much cooler. Anyway, I am definitely getting color.

I’m gonna straighten my hair soon, so I’ll be back after I do that.

Later…

The pool is gonna wait a couple of days now since I straightened my hair. No problems with my ear when I went swimming. Dr. Nielsen was right when he said I’d be able to get water out if it easier cuz the canal’s straight. Yup, it ran right out.

The day before yesterday he went down on me and I came as usual. My desire’s picking up now since I’m mid-cycle.

As I said before, Tom gives off more desire to have a kid, but some things are still mixed and confusing to me. He says he doesn’t want to wait, but yet yesterday when I said I may be ovulating he said he’d rather have sex for fun and not worry about that. He says he can’t mix work with fun and that that’d be stressful. Well, I’ve seen him mix work and fun numerous times and millions of people have that on their minds, plan, and get pregnant. Most of the guys cum, though. I can’t believe this. I can’t believe I’m with a guy who doesn’t cum. I love Tom and we’ll always be together, even though we’ll never have a child, but why? It doesn’t make sense for him to be playing with my head on this subject, cuz head players play in all subjects. Meaning, if he were leading me on with having a kid, he’d do it with other things and do other stuff that’s worse, right?

There was one situation a month or so ago that did bug and annoy me, though. He first started by saying, “We’re gonna be jealous of David and Evie.” It was almost like he wanted to give me a few seconds to think, oh, she’s having another kid and we don’t even have one. But the thing we were supposed to be jealous of was that they got a big-screen TV. What he really feels and thinks is sort of irrelevant, though, cuz it’s not gonna happen, cumming or not.

Andy told me that a girl who left her boyfriend moved into his place for his last month there. I hope he finds something by June 1st cuz he already gave his 30-day notice. I think his moving is foolish cuz he loves his apartment and isn’t gonna find anything much nicer for much cheaper.

Anyway, he told me all about this girl. Yes, he’s still the same old gossiper. It works out OK, though, cuz we’re not both this girl’s friend. He says she cleans well and is a cool person, but he’s not happy about her having company while he’s out, or tweaking. Tweak is a type of speed. He says carless, jobless losers along with assholes, mental cases, and druggies are all that are attracted to him. Yeah, I know all about that as for every one good person there are 1000 assholes. However, as I told him, that doesn’t mean he has to open his door and associate with these low-life jerks just cuz they’re all that’s available.

Later…

It sure is windy out there now and it seems to be a lot. It’s weird, though, cuz when I first got here it seemed that it was always dead still out.

I tried to draw a picture of Norah earlier. The picture came out OK, but it doesn’t look like her.

I took a blank notepad and divided it into 5 sections. 1. Letter notes to Kim and Bob. 2. Letter notes to my parents and Tammy. 3. Projects. 4. Story notes. 5. Journal notes.

I’ve often wondered what it’d be like and what I’d write if I were beginning my very first journal now. I’m sure my grammar, spelling, and vocabulary would be much better than in my first one. Maybe someday I’ll do this and see how I’d write as if it were my first one.

Hurry up, mailman!

MONDAY, MAY 1, 1995 I can't believe it's May already! Well, I don't really have anything to say right now, other than I hope I get my CD today. I'll write about the weekend later.

[meeludrawz]

Some shit I imagined

Two persons were sitting on a rooftop, their legs dangling. There was one woman, some parts of her skin glowing softly in the dark, and one man whose eyes were shining in the . They were both silent until the woman spoke up, looking at him. "Dabi, do you.. Have dreams?" The black-haired man stayed silent, except surpassing his father and little brother, no, he didn't have any. "I- I wish I could have children.." the woman continued, looking down. Dabi glanced at her, she was holding her lower stomach. People in this world were just horrible.. He thought about what she told him. Three guys in a back alley. They beat the crap out of her, with kicks, and punches until one of them stabbed her lower stomach. With that, she woke up a few days later in a hospital, having lost both her baby and uterus. These monsters removed her from any other chances to have a child.

Dabi clearly spotted the tears that were forming in the corner of her eyes since the moonlight was glowing in her eyes. Streams of tears rolled down her cheeks. "It- It pains me.." As silent as usual, Dabi didn't open his mouth but instead, wrapped his arm around her. The woman leaned into him and sobbed silently. The black haired pat her softly and stared at the horizon. He silently promised himself to help her feel better.

A few days later.. Bursting into a building with his blue flames, he destroyed the front door and Dabi entered. Screams of horror were heard as the workers recognized the criminal. Some ran out, holding on to their lives while some others ran away, hiding in the deeps of the building. Walking slowly, Dabi examined his surroundings. He turned in a hallway and looked through the windows of each door. He was clearly looking for something in particular, but what? Dabi abruptly stopped, glancing through a door, he found what he was looking for.

The man was now inside another building, he held something in a blanket close to his chest. He approached a room where its door was open. "Hey," He let out, catching the attention of a woman with light blue hair. She turned her chair around and faced Dabi. "I found this" He continued, as he lifted the blanket a bit. A small head appeared from under the blanket, a baby, it was a baby. The woman gasped softly and stood up, she quickly approached him. Was it really what she thought it was?? Was she dreaming? The more she got closer and the more it looked real. She stopped, putting her hands in front of her mouth as she teared up. Right in front of her would be what she would call a miracle or even- An angel. Glancing up at Dabi, she mouthed a "thank you" as her voice wasn't able to make any sound. Dabi gave her the child that she took no time to cradle in her arms. To him, this child meant almost nothing, but to her.. Sparkling like a million diamonds, her eyes were filled with love, hope and happiness. Maybe even a little bit of relief. He felt like he was watching a movie as if she was the mother who just gave birth and held her newborn close with so much love. Dabi suddenly felt out of place and wondered if he would ever feel that kind of love toward someone. Did his parents ever feel this way when he was born? Maybe not Enji, but what about his mother? She wasn't the one who forced them into something they didn't want. In fact, she did try to protect them a few times, but of course not a lot. His wrist was grabbed, and he blinked as he was taken out of his thoughts. The woman held his wrist, she smiled at him, a smile that was so warm.. His heart sank, what was this feeling and why did it hurt? Why did it also make him feel good in a way? "Thank you Dabi, thank you so much" She leaned into him, watching and smiling at her new baby. At that moment, Dabi didn't know what happened to him. One thing he knew for sure was that he had to protect these two, at all costs.

------------------------------------------------ Yeah

I headcannon him as someone who shows affection with gifts and actions So I thought: Wouldn't that be funny if he kidnapped a baby cuz my oc is infertile ALSO THE CHILD WAS TAKEN FROM AN ORPHANAGE

[djarintreble]

“is something wrong with me?” | e. munson

best friend!eddie munson x fem! reader

summary: in which you got stood up, again, and eddie is determined to lift your spirit, even if it means admitting the one thing he’s been able to hide for years…

notes: not to be sad on main but i wrote this based on what actually happened today irl and i needed some eddie comfort so this is a tad bit self indulgent but we all need an eddie pick me up sometimes. im also a sucker for the best friends to lovers trope so- i copied and pasted from notes so it’s unedited, be warned, some insecure thoughts but just know you are loved and very much wanted <3

word count: 3k, i got carried away

it happened again.

you got your hopes up.

you woke up earlier than usual, you took extra time styling your hair and even picked out your favorite outfit. you had work all day and knew you’d be able to clock out and meet this cute boy downtown for a date. a first date.

you hated the dating game. it physically made you ill to admit you’ve been putting yourself out there in attempt to break the record for being single the longest in your friend group. after countless rejections and guys who straight up to your face said “you’re pretty and fun to be around but i just don’t have feelings for you,” you finally felt confident about this one.

you met when you passed by each other at the store. he flashed a smile and asked for your number. pulled all the right cards. this guy actually asked you out on a date. it wasn’t a “hey come over to my house and we’ll watch a movie” which was code for “i just want to get in your pants.”

so when you showed up to the small diner on the outskirts of hawkins at the time you agreed to over the phone the night before, you weren’t expecting to be left stranded. you waited an hour. the waiter took pity over you and gave you a free milkshake which you gladly accepted before making the trek back to your car where you drove home in silence.

it was around 10pm when you heard the ring of your house phone and you picked it up to hear the familiar buzz of metal music playing in the background.

“hello?” your voice gave away your sad mood.

“L/N, i’m in desperate need of a late night drive partner. been itching to get out all day. this final project has been kicking my ass. damn you, o’donnell.” your best friend, eddie, rambled into the phone.

apart of you wanted to nicely decline and continue your sad romantic movie bing with ice cream but another part of you knew eddie would help distract you from your problems.

the only thing was.

you didn’t tell anyone you had this date. you didn’t want it to be another tragic date story. so you kept it to yourself. it explained why eddie was clueless to your abnormal sad tone.

“sure, eds.” a small smile forcing its way onto your face.

“perfect! be there in 10.” he hung up causing the buzzing noise to suddenly drop and you were back to feeling that pull in your stomach.

-

“you look rough, girl. what happened to you?” eddie playfully asked as you jumped into his van. the linger of smoke and alcohol stained the leather seats. you took in the familiar scent with a long inhale before shrugging.

“finals been kicking my ass too.” you lied.

“it looks like you’ve been crying. seriously, y/n, what happened?” his voice was laced with concern now he turned to face you more in the van. you just continued to stare forward. almost regretting this. you didn’t want to think of the familiar feeling of rejection any longer.

“nothing, i thought we were driving?” you snapped.

leaving it alone and trying to pretend you didn’t practically bite at him, he started the engine back up and drove away.

you and eddie have been best friends since middle school. what started out as a talent show rivalry turned into life long friendship. now, as seniors, or one repeat senior and former junior, you were attached at the hips. you were the rhythm guitar and background vocals in corroded coffins and a current level 15 half-elf bard in the hellfire club. after being friends this long, the idea of being more was off the table. your middle school crush was pushed so far down in your mind, it was almost nonexistent. that was why rejection hurt so much more. no way did eddie see you that way and as it turns out, no one else did either.

eddie could tell something was eating you alive. maybe it was fate that he felt the urge to call you up and invite you for an impromptu late night drive. he missed you, it felt like lately you’ve been avoiding him. now, he realizes something else was keeping you away from him. he could feel you becoming distant.

it was his goal now to make you smile and to hopefully fix whatever was making you upset.

the idea that came to mind was one he should have thought of when you first got in the car. as he turned onto creighton road, trees on each side of you, he rummaged through to find the mixtape you made for these late car rides.

with a quiet aha, he put it in and a smile came to his face when the familiar favorite began to play.

heaven and hell by black sabbath.

you could see his premature head banging from the corner of your eye. the song yet to transition to the part where you both would normally go all out. you knew he was trying to get a reaction out of you.

“nothing? come on, L/N” he began to drum at the steering wheel. “it’s a crime to sit still in the presence of metal. and with dio? that’s just plain disrespect.” he joked around, poking at your leg as he drove.

he screamed the lyrics, occasionally singing in silly voices or purposely being off key which caused you to finally look over at him with a face of disgust.

“you sound terrible.” you laughed quietly.

“ah she speaks!” he exclaimed, taking his hands off the steering wheel for a slight second to applaud.

“shut it, munson.” you sat back in the passenger seat with your arms crossed, starting to relax with a comfortable smile on your face.

the transition you were waiting for took place and you found yourself slightly nodding your head.

“there she is! best part of the song come on now!” he yelled over the music that was way too loud.

“oh what the hell” you shook your head before jumping up in the seat and fully head banging to the black sabbath song blasting from the speakers.

beneath the loud intricate melodies playing in the van were you and eddie’s laughs and off key singing.

a true distraction. for a second, the world stopped and it was just you and eddie.

when the song faded, eddie pulled into the empty parking lot you both would sneak to smoke when skipping class. it was your hang out spot outside of the hidden place in the woods where eddie did his dealings.

there were two sources of light at this hour. a light post and the flickering neon sign of randy’s music shop. the sign flashing green and red making eddie’s car light up like a christmas special.

once parked, eddie turned off the music with a heavy sigh.

“okay, trouble. spill it. what’s wrong?” eddie asked, his voice softer than before.

you went back to your defensive stance, with arms crossed and staring out the front windshield.

he didn’t deserve the attitude. he deserved the truth. he came to you when rebecca rejected him in front of the whole basketball team. he came to you when susan asked him out as a joke and ran off laughing when he said yes. you could tell him about being stood up.

for the third time. hoping he didn’t think it was as embarrassing and pitiful as you felt.

he just looked at you in silence as he saw the hesitation painted on your face. your eyes flickered between your feet and the light right outside the car.

“is something wrong with me?” you finally blurted out after what seemed to be years of silence.

eddie scoffed, “woah what? is something wrong with you? no, why would you think that?” you were his best friend of 6 years, his crush the majority of the time, and the sweetest most amazing person he’s ever met. of course there was nothing wrong with you.

you shrugged, tempted to go silent again.

“i’m starting to think there is. it’s the only explanation.”

“for what?”

“why today was the third time a date stood me up. i'm a complete joke.” you responded, so soft he thought he misheard you.

a date? you went on a date and didn’t tell him? he felt a pang in his chest.

he just looked at you with a sad face as he put the pieces together as to why the past few months you’ve had these small moments. three different times, three different dates have stood you up and you kept it to yourself.

“Y/N… nothing is wrong with you. you are pe-“

“you’re my best friend. i give you full permission to tell me straight forward. what is it about me that makes me seem like a joke?” you asked, genuinely. you stared at your hands that fidgeted in your lap.

eddie’s eyes widened at the question. how could he answer that?

he touched your shoulder to get you to look at him but you couldn’t. you knew if you did, the tears that you were trying so damn hard to hold back would finally let go. with a sigh, he grabbed your chin to force you to look at him.

his eyebrows were raised in concern and a frown appeared in his face, adding to his overall sad puppy look. it was his big sad eyes that got you.

“and no pity” you added, not fighting the small sniffle that came to you.

“sweet girl, there is nothing wrong with you. i mean that, full heartedly. cross my heart.” he ran his finger across his chest in an x-pattern. you rolled your eyes and tried to look away before he turned you back to him, staring into your eyes hoping it showed you he was serious. “those guys… they’re complete idiots. cowards even. and honestly, it’s their loss. they are missing out on one amazing girl.”

“you’re just saying that.” you wiped under your eye, trying to catch the tears before they ran down your cheeks. “you have to.”

“no i don’t, y/n. im serious. ive known you for six years now? im pretty sure i have the credibility to say that. any guy would be lucky to even be in your presence. so fuck those guys huh?” he laughed.

“then why do i feel like i’m never wanted.” you said quietly, the dark fear that haunts you being revealed. “i’m always someone’s second choice or entertainment for when they’re bored or until they find the next thing. i just want to feel desired for once.” you rambled, not caring anymore about the judgement of your best friend.

sure there was a small hint of pain in your voice caused by the boy next to you. the first hint of rejection was in fact the day eddie came home to tell you about this cheerleading captain from your class and how he couldn’t stop staring at her at lunch. but eddie didn’t have to know.

it hurt eddie to know that you have been hanging onto this feeling for awhile now. he didn’t like knowing his best friend was looking at herself in the mirror and telling herself she was undesirable when he in fact have been pushing away his own feelings toward her for years. he even forced an infatuation with chrissy cunningham, the queen of hawkins high, in order to get over you. he himself felt unworthy to be anything more than your friend.

that’s why it confused him as to who and why these boys were breaking your heart.

silence.

eddie cleared his throat.

silence.

when he finally spoke up, he said your name so soft as if it was fragile. as if, spoken at any louder volume, it would break. he mustered all the courage in the world to look into his best friends eyes and hope that what he said didn't make this worse. didn't make you feel worse.

"freshman year, we just started corroded coffins, right?"

you nodded, confused to what he was getting at.

"we played at whatever festival it was that year and that guy came up to us after just to talk to you."

the memory recollected in your mind.

a student, who seemed to be a year or two above you, came up to you clearing not interested in the band as a whole. he just thought it was hot to see a girl play guitar up on the stage. you didn't like the situation one bit.

"you came and wrapped your arm around me and called me babe." you snickered.

"thanks for coming and seeing the band, we appreciate the support."

"well, I was actually wanting to ask-"

"my girlfriend here was amazing. weren't you babe?"

"oh- uh- yeah she was." the dude walked away rolling his eyes and you laughed so hard as you took eddie's arm off you.

"good one, eds."

"yeah, well. if we're being honest tonight..." he started, clearing his throat to stall. "I was jealous."

"j-jealous?"

"I hated how easily the guy came up to you with confidence. I was scared he would sweep you off your feet. I did that not only to save you from a disaster waiting to happen but also because I didn't like the idea of another guy taking my spot."

"eddie..."

guilt from the way you responded that day creeped in, mixed with your own hurt from rejection.

"when you laughed, I told myself that we were clearly just friends. you didn't see me as anything more. so i accepted my place as the best friend."

silence.

he shook his head, chuckling nervously.

"no hard feelings, I promise. Im just telling you that to say..." he was scared to look into your eyes again, afraid he'd melt at the way you stared at him now. "you are very much in fact desirable. I would know, because I've had a stupid crush on you since the seventh grade. i've just been too scared to tell you. scared you would laugh in my face and i'd lose out on an amazing band mate, my best campaign partner, the one person that knows me more than I think I know myself sometimes. it makes me so angry to know that others don't see you the way that i do. god damn it, Y/N, you have no idea how wanted you are. there's nothing wrong with you. not one single thing. every part of you is my favorite. and if I just made this whole thing awkward, im so sorry I just- I hope it makes you-"

"eddie"

"feel better because I hate seeing you upset."

"eddie"

"what?"

"can I kiss you?"

he nodded with his wide eyes and slightly parted lips, wondering how you both got here. he wasn't complaining. not when the girl of his dreams was currently grabbing his face and pressing her soft lips against his.

years of mutual pining and the both of you being idiots led to this moment. a soft kiss that pushed to be more passionate. unspoken feelings being expressed by the way eddie gently grabbed the sides of your face, pulling you closer. you ran your hands through eddie's hair as you tried to get as close as the front seat would let you. pushing up onto your knees causing eddie to moan as you slightly tugged at his curls.

if breathing wasn't a vital part of living, you don't think you would have ever stopped kissing him. there were so many times during your friendship with eddie that you were scared he caught you staring at his lips. now you were able to finally say that his lips were softer than expected.

you pressed your forehead against his as you both slowed your breathing.

"in case it wasn't obvious-" you laughed between breaths, "i've had a stupid crush on you ever since you beat me in the talent show."

"i still think it was rigged, you should have won."

"not the time, munson" you both laughed. everything feeling peaceful.

"we're really big idiots aren't we, sweetheart?"

"i really had to get stood up three times to finally get a kiss from eddie munson."

you sat back in your seat and stared up at your best friend. his smile turned into a sympathetic frown.

"i'm sorry, again."

you shrugged.

"it's alright. it's their loss. i'm no longer available anyways."

"oh really now?" he asked, the biggest smirk on his face.

"mhmm."

"and who's the lucky fella?"

"i'm staring right at him." you smiled, both of you never daring to look away.

"can i take you out on a proper date? I want to do this right. i-i'm gonna get you flowers, i'll even wear a button up and tie. i heard there's this nice Italian restaurant downtown-" eddie rambled again. he swore he would never let you feel rejected or undesired ever again. this meant he would do any and all he could to make up for what the other guys took from you. what you deserved.

you reached over and grabbed his hand to give a reassuring squeeze.

"i was thinking we could go rent a movie and stay at your place." you shrugged. you didn't need fancy dates. you didn't need eddie to change how he dressed or waste his money on flowers and jewelry like all the other guys did to prove their love. you just wanted him. your best friend. "i just want you."

"is it too soon to say im in love with you?"

-

[animeomegas]

Omega!Denki - Back of the neck

(This is a birthday gift!!! For the wonderful, amazing, ridiculously talented @omeganronpa​!!!! Because birthdays! and celebrations! and yay!!! I hope you enjoy it 🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤💖💗💓💞💕💟💝💘)

Summary: Denki knew he was smitten with this alpha from class 3B... but did they seriously put him into subspace just by putting their hand at the back of his neck??? Fuck, he had it bad. 

Warnings: This is non-sexual subspace. Denki does take his shirt off at one point but alpha reader averts their eyes because they are a Respectful Alpha™ thank you very much 😤 Mineta is also a jealous bitch in this. 

It was Denki’s favourite night of the week: Friday night. There was no need to do homework, no late training exercises, and best of all, Bakusquad movie night!

Snacks, films and friends, was there a better combination?

“So,” Kirishima said, wiggling his eyebrows as Sero tried to locate the remote to put on the film. “Are you and that alpha from 3B official yet?”

Denki pouted at the question as he hugged a pillow to his chest.

“No, not yet… I totally thought they would make it official when they took me out to that café last week, but they didn’t…”

“Aww, it will happen, Denks, don’t worry!” Mina cooed, ruffling his hair. “Take it from another alpha, they’re so obviously head over heels for you!”

At that moment, Sero successfully located the remote behind one of the curtains with a triumphant noise.

“Found it!” he held up the remote in triumph and returned to the couches and plopped himself down. “But hey, if you’re so worried about it, why not ask them to join next week’s movie night? You can offer to walk them back to their dorm and confess on the doorstep all romantic and stuff. Alphas don’t have to make the first move anymore, dude.”

Denki turned the idea over in his mind for a moment. He was nervous to reveal his feelings so candidly, but maybe his friends were right.

“Yeah… okay, good idea, Sero, I’ll do that if you guys don’t mind an extra person next week?”

“Whatever, as long as they don’t talk over the film like some people. Now, are we going to watch this movie or what?”

“Sure!” Denki grinned, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “Sorry Bakugou, didn’t mean to side-track everyone. Press play!”

…

“Are you sure your friends don’t mind me crashing movie night? I know it’s your thing.”

Denki hummed without registering your words, focusing instead on the feeling of your hand on his lower back.

“Denki? Earth to Denki?”

Denki startled, stopping in his tracks and looking at you with wide eyes.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

You stopped walking with him, both of you now standing a couple of metres from the 3A dorm entrance.

“Are you okay?” you asked softly, rubbing his arms with your hands. “You’ve been really out of it today.”

“Sorry,” he apologised, rubbing tiredly at his face. “I didn’t sleep well at all last night, just couldn’t get my brain to shut up and then I got the shit kicked out of me by Midoriya during a spar today. He didn’t mean to hurt me, but I swear that guy forgets that he’s fucking jacked sometimes.”

You laughed lightly and Denki’s stomach flipped.

“I’m sure if you decided to take a little nap during the film, no one would mind.”

“No!” Denki protested. “Film night is sacred! I won’t betray the film night ritual like that!”

You laughed again, this time grabbing his hand in yours and giving it a little squeeze.

“Well, if film night’s so sacred, we should get a move on because we’re already late,” you grinned at him in a way that made Denki’s legs feel weak. Every time you gave him special attention or affection, he just wanted to fall into your arms and let you spoil him until he couldn’t take it anymore.

You metaphorically tugged him out of those thoughts as you physically tugged him towards the door, allowing him to open it and let you both into the common area where his friends were lounging on the sofas while a couple of his other classmates pottered around in the kitchen.

“Finally!” Mina cheered, throwing her arms up in the air. “You guys are here!”

“Took you long enough,” Sero teased. “Did Denki get lost trying to find the 3B dorms again?”

Denki knew the teasing was only that, teasing, but his stupid, tired brain decided to let the comment sting against his will. He really wasn’t in the mood to hear about his incompetence in front of the alpha he was trying so hard to impress.

“Hey, it wasn’t his fault it was mine,” you said easily, slipping a hand to the back of his neck to squeeze it comfortingly. “He was on time, but I couldn’t find my jacket, sorry everyone!”

Denki only heard the start of your deflection because his entire brain was desperately focused on trying not to melt at the grip you had on the back of his neck. His brain felt like it was slowly emptying and then filling back up with fuzz. You had him by the neck and it felt so lovely after the stress of the day.

“Bro, you okay over there?” Kirishima asked, jolting Denki back to reality.

Denki swallowed heavily, trying to remove the cotton feeling from his mouth.

“Uh, yeah, I’m fine,” he managed to force out, automatically leaning towards you, comforted by the way you immediately wrapped an arm around him.

“Then let’s get this party started! I picked this week’s film,” Mina said, grabbing the remote off the coffee table and twirling it in her hand.

“Fucking help us all,” Bakugou muttered, taking a swig of his drink.

Mina made an offended noise and, without hesitation, threw a cushion at him, sticking out her tongue the whole while.

Bakugou let out a growl, just managing to catch the cushion. Denki knew he was just joking around, Bakugou was always like that. So why was his heart rate spiking? What was wrong with him today?

“Hey, let’s sit down, come on,” you whispered in his ear, leaving a trail of goosebumps in your wake. Denki allowed you to lead him to the sofa without a second thought.

“Okay! I’m pressing play now and if you can’t hear the film because you’re arguing, then that’s your problem!” Sero announced loudly, making significant eye contact with Mina and Bakugou, who reluctantly stopped bickering as the opening credits started to play.

Not that Denki really noticed them. Try as he might, he couldn’t convince himself to focus on the film when you were sitting right next to him. All it took was one moment of weakness and he was crawling onto his maybe-sort-of-hopefully alpha’s lap and burying his face in your chest.

He just… needed it. Every part of him was just itching to be close to you, to be surrounded with your scent.

Sure enough, he quickly relaxed, heart rate dropping as everything felt better all at once.

The way you wrapped one arm around him and used the other to stroke his hair pulled a tremendous purr from him, loud enough that his friends even turned to look at him, but none of them commented on what they saw.

Denki didn’t care who was watching though; your heartbeat was so nice to listen to. It was so steady and comforting. He let his mind float as he listened.

This was nice. He liked this. You were so amazing, such a perfect alpha. And he hoped more than anything that you would reciprocate his confession after the film. The reminder of his later plans sent a spike of anxiety through him, but you scratched the back of his neck and suddenly all the anxiety was gone.

He’d be okay.

You were here and that meant everything was going to be okay.

The film was nothing more than background noise at this point and Denki couldn’t have told you how far into the film you were because he’d completely lost his sense of time while he laid there dozing in your lap.

Until a new voice forced him up.

“Ugh, you guys are gross,” it was Mineta, who had come out of the kitchen with a pot noodle in hand and was now staring at you and Denki. “I’m sick of seeing you all over each other around school and now you’re bring it to our dorm? Gross, I hope you cheat on each other.”

Denki had heard Mineta say many things that were so much worse than that, but for some reason, he could feel his chest hurt as he registered the words. The pleasant floating was ripped away from him in an instant and all that remained was panic that this special alpha was going to leave him for someone else.

Tears bubbled over before he could stop them, a small sob soon following.

Everyone froze, even Mineta looked taken aback and a little nervous at his response. It was clear that he hadn’t expected Denki to cry.

“It was just a joke, why are you-“

You snarled at Mineta before he could finish, pulling Denki to your chest protectively and holding him tightly.

Mineta squeaked like the coward he was and scurried away as Bakugou shouted something Denki couldn’t quite make out.

But even though the perpetrator had fled, Denki couldn’t stop the tears or his instinct to curl himself into you as much as possible.

“Alpha, please don’t leave me,” he whimpered, uncaring about how pathetic the request must have sounded to you and his friends. He would say whatever and do whatever if it meant he could keep you. He needed you. He couldn’t remember how he had survived before you ‘d come into his life now.

“Shh, it’s alright omega, you’ve been having a tough day, huh?” you made a soothing grumbling noise that lined your words. “Why don’t I take you to your room for an early night? You’ll have to direct me, but I know you can do it.”

Denki nodded and you picked him up in one clean motion. He was perfectly content to leave movie night behind and navigate to his room from the comfort and protection of your arms.

Vaguely he heard Bakugou growl out some warning about you not touching him while he was upset, but Denki didn’t know what Bakugou was talking about because he loved it when you touched him; it made him feel safe.

Thankfully, Denki managed to remember the way to his dorm room, something you praised him for, giving him a little kiss when he managed to fish out his key. Slowly but surely, Denki could feel himself losing the panic and returning to that glorious floaty space once more. He liked it when you praised him. He liked it a lot.

“Are we like, together-together?” Denki mumbled into your chest suddenly as you walked into his room.

“Do you want us to be?” you asked in return, putting him on his bed. Denki screwed up his face in disapproval at your unhelpful answer. But floaty Denki had no qualms about answering honestly.  

“Yes. Obviously.”

You chuckled, grabbing him some pyjamas from his dresser.

“Then we are. Simple as that.”

“But what exactly are we?” Denki asked again, stressing the words. “Are we… courting or, or, or intended mates? Or something else altogether?”

“How about we talk about this tomorrow?” you said, bringing him the pyjamas. “Right now, you need to go and get changed.”

Denki blinked at the order before immediately pulling his shirt off and throwing it vaguely in the direction of his laundry basket.

You sputtered and blushed, turning around to face the wall, muttering ‘or change here, that’s fine too.’

It took a little longer than normal for Denki to get himself changed and tucked up in bed, but you didn’t seem to mind. He loved that about you; you were so patient, not like everyone else.

“Will you stay with me?” he mumbled into his pillow, holding out a hand that you accepted, crouching down by the head of his bed.

“I’ll stay until you fall asleep and then I’ll come and cook you breakfast tomorrow morning, how’s that sound?”

“Hmm, okay,” Denki agreed, sighing sadly. “Next time you have to stay all night though.”

“Okay baby, if that’s what you want.”

Denki purred happily at the nickname and you chuckled at him. But it wasn’t a mean chuckle. You never laughed at him to be mean.

The last thing he remembered was watching and feeling you stroke his hand as he dozed off and then… nothing.

Until he woke the next morning, much earlier than normal due to his shockingly early night and prompt groaned into his pillow.

What the fuck had happened last night?

Denki felt like his face was burning at a thousand degrees as he recalled how he’d acted last night.

Was he like, the most submissive omega in the world? Seriously, a little sleep deprivation and a hand to the back of the neck and suddenly he’s clawing at an alpha like an omega written by a porn director…

His friends were never going to let him live that down.

“Fuck.”