#Danny doesn't know that he is a Death God but feels like he should be more powerful than he is

[bet-on-me-13]

Oliver Adopts Danny

(Note: I have no idea what exactly happened on the island and made up my own thing. Also I had no plan when making this and it shows)

...

So! When Oliver landed on that Deserted Island, he wasn't alone.

On the Island, there was a Little Kid.

He was about 7, and he was just as confused as to why he was there. Apparently he had been sleeping at home when all of a sudden he felt himself falling, and seconds later he hit the ground in the forest. He couldn't remember anything past that, or really anything before that as well. He had seemingly lost his memories.

So, Oliver was stuck helping a Random Kid while trying to survive on the island.

He did learn that the Kid was a Metahuman with the ability to make Unmelting Ice, but the kid seemed disappointed by his powers. It was like he expected them to be stronger than they were. When asked, he said that he didn't actually know why he felt that, like it was something else he had forgotten.

And that was how the situation stood for a few years. He and the Kid, who he eventually learned was named Danny, became closer. He took up a paternal role in the kids Life, trying to keep him safe from the dangers of the island.

Danny was also a huge help on the island, his Ice was useful during Hot Nights, and the fact that it was Durable and Didn't Melt made it a good material for their tools. He also knew a lot of random skills, like the basics of how to shoot a Bow and how to set up a Campfire.

By the time they had been there for 3 years, Oliver already saw Danny like a Son. He had decided long ago that when they finally left the island, he would adopt him.

Then, on the 4th Year, Oliver found something strange. There were tracks in the Dirt on the less explored side of the Island, Human Tracks.

Following them, he found the source, An Illegal Slave Trading Ring.

The Base seemed to be new, so they had probably set up shop a few weeks ago at most. He and Danny must have missed them because they didn't usually go to that side of the Island.

He returned to the Camp that night and contemplated what to do.

It took another few days for him to resolve himself to go and save those people.

It took another few weeks to prepare himself.

It took less than 30 minutes to get the Job Done.

By the end of that night, every Slaver on the island was Dead, and the slaves were set free. They still didn't have a way off the island, since a few of them had managed to sabotage the boat before they died, but Oliver and Danny were there to help them.

By the 5th Year, they basically had a Small Village set up back there their Camp used to be. It was a community of all of the people Oliver had managed to save that night, all working together to survive on that Mysterious Island.

Then one day, finally got some luck. A Fishing Boat had gotten lost on their usual Route, and had spotted the SOS Signal that they had set up on the Beach.

After that it didn't take long for everyone on the Island to be saved. Oliver asked the former slaves to keep his heroics a secret because he wanted to keep him and Danny safe from the press, and they all agreed.

So, Oliver went home and adopted Danny.

He also decided to become a Vigilante.

And then eventually he joined the Justice League.

And one day while showing his son around the newly build Watchtower he ran into Constantine, who then proceeded to ask "Why the hell do you have a mini-death god holding your hand?"

...

I have no idea what this was supposed to be. I wanted Oliver to adopt Danny, and I wanted it to be on the Island, but I had no idea how to do it.

My basic idea for it is that Danny accidently wished for a Good Dad one day and Desiree heard him. So she turned him into a Kid, sealed away most of his Powers, and sent him to the Island with no memories past age 7.

Maybe this was "Ghost King Danny"?

Idk, I like it more as "King Danny who rejects the Throne but is still basically the leader because he keeps helping people no matter what" but that's just me.

Thoughts?

[thevoidstaredback]

Okay, so, crisis averted. Both of them, really. Red Robin had not asked or attempted to get any more of Danny's drink and the World Ending Crisis was less World Ending and more World Threatening. Either way, no one is hyped up in lethal amounts of caffeine and the world is in no more pieces than it had been before.

That brings attention to a new problem, though. It's uniquely Danny's problem and Constantine and Zatanna and Deadman won't stop laughing at him. He's also pretty sure that Raven is laughing at him in the privacy of her mind, so that's making him feel worse.

The problem is that every single hero that had been at the meeting a week ago that was not a part of the JLD has been overly concerned about him.

So what if he half died when he was fourteen and therefore will never look over either fourteen or eighteen? So what if he consumes enough caffeine to kill an elephant within a few minutes? What is he gonna do, die? That's not a real threat as long as he only fights as Phantom.

Ignoring the fact that he can, in fact, get hurt to the point of near death as Phantom. It's not like anyone knows that, though! Besides, ghosts run on god rules. They can't die, only fade when forgotten. People aren't likely to forget about most ghosts, though, even if they can't remember their names.

He's not gonna share that, though. Let Batman keep his contingency that won't work because the only contingency that will work for Phantom is the one he made himself. Tried and tested! He's marked it off of his Bingo Card.

Anyway. Heros and their kids/proteges have been trying to track him down for the entire week. He can't risk even leaving the House of Mysteries because the Supers are all probably listening out for him and they can't hear him through magic. It sucks. He just wants to go get a cup of coffee as Danny. The second he leaves, though, the Supers will be on him like bloodhounds. He'd leave as Danny, but the rest of the JLD don't know what he looks like as Danny and he'd like to keep it that way, thank you very much. Being stuck as Phantom was going to start causing issues to his human half if he doesn't get to leave soon.

Should he risk it? Is coffee that won't kill him really worth risking the Supers finding out his civilian identity? Sure, they wouldn't tell anyone, but he didn't like the idea of someone being able to pick him out of a crowd when all he wanted to do was blend in. It's why he avoided Gotham and Bludhaven, actually, but that's both self explanatory and another story for another time.

"You're still here?" Zatanna sat on the couch beside him. "You're normally gone by now. You can't not be tired of us yet."

He sighed and sunk down into the couch slightly. "Believe me, I'm tired of being stuck here, but I can't leave. I can't leave as a human because you guys don't know what I look like and, no offense, but I'd like to keep it that way. I can't leave as I am now because Superman will be on my ass quicker than I can blink!" He whined this time, "I just want a cup of coffee."

"What about your special brew?" Raven asked, coming into the room.

"I want to drink coffee as a human. That stuff will kill me if I drink it as a human."

"At least you know your limits."

"That sounded like a dig at someone, Z."

"It was."

"Why don't you just go out under a protection spell?" Raven offered, "We could cast one over you and you could leave. Superman can't hear through magic, so he won't be able to tell. Neither will Superboy."

Danny thought for a second. "You're a genius, Raven! Has anyone ever told you that?"

"A few times," she blushed.

"Well, it needs to be said more!"

Zatanna laughed. "Alright, kid, let's get you outside before you drive yourself crazy."

Practically vibrating in place, Danny waited for the protection spell to settle over him. The second it did, he was out the door and wandering the streets of whatever city the House of Mysteries decided to drop him as Danny instead of Phantom.

"Who are you," was not the question or voice he wanted to hear the second he stepped into the open as himself.

"Danny," he squeaked out through his absolute panic. He didn't dare turn around.

The sound of fabric moving minutely clues him in to the second person behind him. What the hell were these two doing out? It's the middle of the day and there's no attacks going on anywhere in Gotham!

"Where did you come from?" Robin asked.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! This was really bad! Why did the House drop him *here* of all places? Does it *want* him to die again? It was very painful the first time, thank you very much! "Illinois?"

"Was that a question or an answer?" Why is Red Robin here now?!

"An-an answer?"

"Ah, you guys are scaring the little guy!" That was Nightwing. They're surrounding him! Why is Nightwing here? This is Gotham, not Bludhaven. "Give him some room to breathe."

They did not, in fact, give him room to breathe. Maybe coming outside was a bad idea. If he gets out of this no more dead than he already was, he was going to move to the middle of nowhere and become a hermit. Smallville is a town in the middle of nowhere, right? He'll retire as Phantom and move to Smallville until the people get suspicious and burn him as a witch-!

Maybe moving to a big city would be a better idea. Or locking himself in the basement of the House of Mysteries. Yeah, yeah that's a good idea.

"-even listening?"

Oh shit. They were still talking to him! Now is not the time to panic! "Gottagobye!" And then he was running.

Good job not panicking, Danny.

Part 1 Part 3

[stealingyourbones]

Ra's is old..and a known body snatcher. He's a spirit possessing later bodies, but doesn't realize it. And all spirits answer to the Ghost King.

So what happens when Ra's thinks he can make demands of his King?

Ooo I really like this.

Ok I did a tad of research on the Lazarus pits and how they work cause I don’t know much about the body swapping besides Ra’s using it on Taila Al Ghul in Batman Beyond and I genuinely couldn’t find anything concrete so fuck it. Yeah let’s just say that it’s soul/spirit swapping. Lazarus pits are caused by the convergeance of ley lines for gods sake we can have some creative liberties in this.

Ra’s isn’t a villain… technically. His goal is more of “if humans are collateral that’s fine because the deaths will be nothing compared to the better world we shall create.” Type of thing. Very shade of grey reasoning.

I haven’t read much nearly enough about Ra’s Al Ghul as I want to but he definitely might try to tap into the mystic and occult to summon and control a grand being to do his bidding to serve his purpose. I want to add that Ra’s is a very smart man. Like genuinely he is a master strategist and fighter. He would have precautions in place if The Ghost King doesn’t do his bidding. I don’t think he would have put “I am now a spirit” into account as much as he probably should and that’s where it gets interesting.

When the Ghost King commands a spirit, is it like a form of hypnosis? Are they simply compelled to do it but can choose to refuse? Does he simply just feel a sense of respect and leadership from the Ghost King?

Either way I think Danny would probably react in one of two ways:

He’s either very confused to the entire situation and just says no and Ra’s is like “fuck. Didn’t expect for it do go downhill this quickly. Time to manipulate and bribe this man.”

Or

Danny laughing in Ra’s face and going full “You’re the Demon Head? Well that would make me Satan. You listen to what I say, not the other way around. Get it?” Mode.

Either way having Ra’s plan backfire HEAVILY and now becoming a pawn for Danny to use to direct his assassins forces to assist people is such a good story idea. Danny becomes the TRUE League of Assassins head.

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Ikemen Villains - Elbert Greetia

These translations are not intended as a replacement for the game. Please support Cybird by buying their stories. Expect grammatical errors. Not 100% accurate.

He responded with a smile that was so captivating that I almost forgot how to breathe.

But then一

???: “Is that you, Kate?”

(Huh? This voice...)

Kate: “Danny?”

I turned to look at the familiar voice and saw a colleague from the post office waving his hand with a surprised look.

Danny: “Long time no see! I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Elbert: “And you are?”

Danny: “Hi, I’m Danny. Kate’s coworker, well, former coworker. And this is my girlfriend, Loretta.”

Elbert: “Elbert Greetia.”

The woman introduced as Loretta was staring at Elbert with a starstruck expression.

(I hope she snaps out of it before Danny notices her.)

Danny: “I see you snag a handsome boyfriend. Where did you two meet?”

Kate: “Huh!? Um, while working at the palace?”

Danny: “Why the question mark? Also, didn’t you just start working at the palace a few weeks ago? And now you’re getting married?”

Kate: “I-It does seem quite fast. Ahahaha!”

(I didn’t consider coming up with a plausible explanation that wouldn’t raise suspicions for acquaintances.)

As I forced a smile and broke into a cold sweat, someone suddenly wrapped their arm around my waist and hugged me.

There was only one person here who would do such a thing.

Kate: “Elbert?”

Elbert: "You, too, should only look at me."

(!?)

I couldn't help but blush as he sweetly whispered over my shoulder.

Kate: "Ah. S-Sorry."

I could only squeeze out those words as my voice trembled.

Danny: "He really loves you."

Danny: "Tell me more about it next time, okay? Sorry for interrupting you guys. Best wishes!"

Danny took his girlfriend with him and smiled as they walked away.

(How will I explain this next time I see him?)

Elbert: "Sorry."

Kate: "It's okay! I was struggling, and you helped me out."

Elbert: "That's true, but as I stared at you, I couldn't help but want you to turn around.” **

Kate: "Huh?"

Elbert: "What's wrong?"

Kate: "Nothing!"

He doesn't seem to have any intention of teasing or flirting with me.

(It seems like he simply expressed what he was thinking.)

He removed his arm from my waist, but I couldn't move from the spot, and my cheeks were taking their time to cool down.

(He probably didn't have any deep intention. I should quit reading too much into it.)

Wanting to shake off my restlessness, I turned my gaze to my surroundings.

(Thank god. Everyone stared at us when we arrived earlier, but now, most of them are absorbed in their partners.)

I felt happy and frustrated as I saw Danny and Loretta laughing together in the distance.

(I can't believe these happy couples could disappear.)

Elbert: "I bet none of them ever thought that their current happiness would be destroyed."

He seemed to be looking at the lovers with the same feelings as I was, and I could sense the sadness in his mumbled words.

(What's happening here must be stopped.)

Kate: "Let's do our best not to let their happiness be destroyed."

Elbert: "Yeah."

Elbert: "They can still make it."

("Can still make it?")

The words stuck with me, but the sadness in his profile as he gazed at the happy scene made the question stuck in the back of my throat disappear.

After the party, the cultist stopped us and told us we had passed.

He also told us that the wedding would take place tomorrow and assigned us a room to stay at the church.

That night, we sneaked out of our room and found multiple coffins in the basement, confirming that the lovers had been stabbed to death after examining their bodies.

(They were probably killed during the ceremony since they were still wearing their dresses.)

Elbert: "Are you okay?"

Kate: "I'm fine. Let's complete the mission to save more unfortunate lovers from suffering."

(I used the word "complete," but now that we know Amour is guilty, he has to take the killer's life tomorrow.)

I wanted to stop this whole thing, but just thinking about his hands getting dirty hurt me so badly.

(Elbert was considerate and concerned about the possibility that I might get hurt.)

(He's kind and grieves for the misfortunes of the couples, and yet...)

Elbert: "You don't have to look so sad."

Elbert: "I guarantee your safety. I won't let the couples die anymore, so一"

???: "What are you doing here?"

(----!)

I turned around to see a sharp-eyed cultist staring at us from across the hallway, holding a lantern.

Elbert then covered me with his back to hide me.

Elbert: "We were just taking a night stroll. What about you? What are you doing here at this hour?"

Sharp-eyed cultist: "It's none of your business. Please go back to your rooms. It's not safe to go out here at night."

(That's an unusual choice of words for a cultist.)

Elbert also seemed to sense this, and after a few seconds of contemplation, he spoke up.

Elbert: "You don't seem to be a member of this group."

Sharp-eyed cultist: "----!"

Elbert: "Does what we saw in the basement have anything to do with this?"

Sharp-eyed cultist: "You've seen it. Well, then, to make the story short. I'm一"

The guy revealed an unexpected truth, and we made a certain promise before parting ways.

Female cultist: "Then, I'll call the groom for you."

Kate: "Yes. Thank you for everything."

Wearing the jet-black dress from the black box that Elbert had brought, I saw off the female cultist who helped me get ready and do my makeup.

(I've never seen such a gorgeous, beautiful dress before. I'm a little uneasy.)

As I grew restless, I turned my head to the door after hearing it open.

Kate: "Elbert, thank you for the dress."

Elbert: "..........."

Kate: "Elbert? Something wrong?"

Elbert: "No. It's nothing."

Kate: "Can I really wear this dress? It's yours, right?"

Elbert: "I found it after accepting the mission. I thought it would look good on you, so I got it."

Elbert: "Does wearing the dress bother you?"

Kate: "----!"

Elbert: "Does it?"

Kate: "No! I'm happy. Thank you."

Elbert: "As I thought, it looks good on you."

Elbert: "Maybe I should just lock you up like this."

(What?)

I felt a hint of darkness in the way he stared at me.

It was similar to the heavy, intense gaze he had when he was contemplating whether or not to cut the roses blooming in the garden.

I felt my entire body entangled in the beautiful dress he had given me and his gaze, and a shiver ran down my spine.

Kate: "You're good at giving compliments! I almost took you seriously there for a moment."

I couldn't help but avert my gaze.

Kate: "Come on, let's go, Elbert. Let's go get married."

Elbert: "Yeah, sure."

Elbert: "I pledge my undying love to you, my pretend bride."

Part 1┆Part 2┆Premium End┆Epilogue

[twoidiotwriters1]

The Curse of Oenone (Leo Valdez xFem!Oc)

A/N: Sometimes you just need to suffer an hallucination to get your shit together -Danny Words: 1,949 Series' Masterlist Previous Chapter // Next Chapter Listen to: 'Pray' -by Sam Smith

XLIV: Stupid Decisions Require Stupider Consequences

Ara concludes that she hates not only the cold but also the intense heat. The feeling of her clothes sticking to her body, and how every time she breathes it feels like she's inhaling steam.

"What was that with Hedge?" Ara nudges Frank's arm, the boy hasn't let their protector come along.

Frank makes a face. "You know his girlfriend?"

"Mellie?" Ara raises a brow. "Gods, yeah. Did something happen to her?"

"She's pregnant."

"No way!"

"Yeah," He sighs. "Ara, isn't it cruel to keep him around? It was bad enough before, but now..."

"Poor Hedge," the girl cleans the sweat off her brow. "He looked after me when I didn't have anything, I should return the favor."

Frank smiles. "He talks about you like a coach would talk about the students that grew up to be professional athletes."

Ara chuckles. "He's proud of me for all the wrong reasons."

The boy laughs tiredly, the heat is getting to him too. "I wouldn't be so sure..."

Nico stops and turns to the group. "From here, it gets tough."

"Sweet," Leo is sweaty, but he sounds okay. His time in Ogygia seems to have bettered his condition. "'Cause so far I've totally been pulling my punches."

"We'll see how long you keep your sense of humor," Nico scowls. "Remember, this is where pilgrims came to commune with dead ancestors. Underground, you may see things that are hard to look at, or hear voices trying to lead you astray in the tunnels. Frank, do you have the barley cakes?"

Ara's ancestors... does she have any? When she thinks about ancestry, she pictures her past lives. She doesn't know a thing about her current mortal lineage, and she's never talked to her dead loved ones, not even on accident.

That's why she always thought she was too unimportant for her death to matter—she isn't ending a bloodline that's lasted for centuries, it's just her. Nemesis's words are accurate, she doesn't see value in what she represents. 

Her sacrifices hold no weight in the eyes of immortals. For that to happen, Ara should hold onto something within her and love it like it means the world, but the people she loved and died faded away, to think there is something inside her worth safekeeping makes no sense to her.

"I've got the cakes," Hazel steps forward.

"Eat up," Nico tells the group.

Ara recoils with displeasure and gawks, scrunching up her nose. "Tastes like satyr medicine!"

"Don't remind me," Nico groans, forcing the last bit of cake down his throat. "That... should protect us from the poison."

"Poison?" Leo coughs out. "Did I miss the poison? 'Cause I love poison."

"Soon enough," Nico brushes off his teasing. "Just stick close together, and maybe we can avoid getting lost or going insane."

Leo grabs Ara's hand. "Another fun date, huh?"

They make their way in, her hand is so sweaty she feels the need to pull away, but Leo's grip stays firm as he looks around waiting for monsters to pop out from every corner.

"This wasn't part of a temple," Hazel informs them. "This was... the basement for a manor house, built in later Greek times."

"A manor house?" Frank questions. "Please don't tell me we're in the wrong place."

"The House of Hades is below us," Nico shakes his head. "But Hazel's right, these upper levels are much newer. When the archaeologists first excavated this site, they thought they'd found the Necromanteion. Then they realized the ruins were too recent, so they decided it was the wrong spot. They were right the first time. They just didn't dig deep enough."

They find a wall ahead stopping them from going forward. 

"A cave-in?" Jason wonders out loud.

"A test," Nico clarifies. "Hazel, would you do the honors?"

The girl touches the surface and it crumbles before them. Ara holds Leo's hand tighter and takes cover behind her cloak, getting dirt all over it. Before them lies a large, almost infinite set of stairs, the walls are decorated with images of cattle.

"I really don't like cows," Piper groans.

"Agreed," Frank replies.

"That's you, Neeks," Ara points at one cow with legs too long for its body.

"Those are the cattle of Hades," Nico scolds her. "It's a symbol of—" 

"Look," Frank interrupts, pointing at a cup set on the first step.

"Hooray, I suppose that's our poison," Leo points out plainly.

"We're standing at the ancient entrance of the Necromanteion," Nico picks it up. "Odysseus came here, and dozens of other heroes, seeking advice from the dead."

"Did the dead advise them to leave immediately?" Leo presses.

"I would be fine with that," Piper agrees.

Nico glances at them annoyed and then at her as if saying See what your jokes cause? Then he offers the chalice to Jason. "You asked me about trust, and taking a risk? Well, here you go, son of Jupiter. How much do you trust me?"

Jason almost snatches the cup out of his hands. He drinks, then passes it to the next person. 

"So dramatic," Ara grabs the cup and drinks from it, again making disgruntled noises. "Yuck!"

"Yeah, so dramatic," Nico glances at the group and nods briefly. "Congratulations. Assuming the poison doesn't kill us, we should be able to find our way through the Necromanteion's first level."

"Just the first level?" Piper asks with dread.

Nico opts to ignore all the witty comments starting now. He looks at Hazel. "After you, sister."

From this point on, the dead are stronger than the living.

That's what Hazel says the moment they enter the second level. Ara doesn't like the sound of that. Personally, her ghost sheet is packed, and if she runs into any of her dead friends, things will go downhill fast, and they'll get ugly.

In her life, the dead have always been stronger than the living. Her deadbeat father is the reason she considered herself hard to love for most of her childhood, her deceased friends constantly remind her she's useless. And now everyone will get to watch and hear her trauma in real time.

"Where are the monsters?" Frank asks. "I thought Gaea had an army guarding the Doors."

"Don't know. At this point I'd almost prefer a straight-up fight," Jason mumbles.

"Careful what you wish for, man," Leo summons fire on his free hand, and Ara feels comforted by it. "Personally, I'm hoping nobody's home. We walk in, find Percy and Annabeth, destroy the Doors of Death, and walk out. Maybe stop at the gift shop."

"Yeah," Frank huffs. "That'll happen."

"If they don't have a guide," Ara comments, "they're probably roaming this place, lost and waiting to hear us so they know where the food is."

The ground shakes as if agreeing with her comment. Everyone looks at her with a scowl to which she responds with a grimace, deciding to keep her thoughts to herself.

"That was close," Hazel sighs. "These passageways won't take much more."

"The Doors of Death just opened again," Nico announces.

"It's happening like every fifteen minutes," Piper points out.

"Every twelve," Nico frowns. "We'd better hurry. Percy and Annabeth are close. They're in danger. I can sense it."

His words motivate Ara to pick up her pace. As the rooms get taller and wider, she feels a presence watching her, their gaze so heavy on the back of her neck that it starts to hurt.

"Offerings?" Piper asks as they walk past some coins on the floor.

"Yes," Nico nods. "If you wanted your ancestors to appear, you had to make an offering."

"Let's not make an offering," Jason moves away.

"The tunnel from here is unstable," Hazel points out. "The floor might... well, just follow me. Step exactly where I step."

Leo drops her hand, and immediately Ara feels less nervous. She's been absorbing most of his anxiety without noticing. They walk in line for a while until the group suddenly stops.

"Frank?" Jason asks quietly. "Hazel, hold up a second. Frank, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," his voice shakes. "I just—"

"Ara."

The girl looks around wide-eyed, the darkness seemingly getting worse as she does. "What?"

Leo looks at her over his shoulder. "You said something?"

"Remember your tapestry."

Ara speaks with a choked voice. "Silena."

"Frank, Ara, don't move," Hazel warns them. But both teenagers are busy holding conversations with the air.

"Lead where?" Frank speaks.

"Lena, is it you?" Ara frowns. "What about the tapestry?"

"Uh, guys?" Leo's flames grow in size. "Could you not freak out on us? Please and thank you."

Frank and Ara lock eyes and they understand. Their ghosts have found them. 

"It's my sister," Ara's hands are shaking. "She's trying to tell me something..."

"We're okay," Frank gulps. "Just... voices."

Nico speaks up. "I did warn you. It'll only get worse. We should—"

"Wait here, everybody," Hazel disappears for a few seconds, then returns looking pale. "Scary room ahead—Don't panic."

"Those two things don't go together," Leo groans.

As they enter the bone cathedral, the voices get a little too loud for Ara's liking, but she suspects they're this way now because she's looking for her dead friends in the noise. To think her friends have watched her fail time after time, wasting all their sacrifices... it's not a pleasant notion.

"Touch nothing," Hazel warns them.

"Wasn't planning on it," Leo goes back to Ara's side. 

"Which way now?" Jason asks.

"This should be the room where the priests invoked the most powerful spirits. One of these passages leads deeper into the temple, to the third level and the altar of Hades himself. But which—?"

"That one." Frank points.

"Why that one?" Hazel asks.

"You don't see the ghost?"

"Ghost?" Nico raises a brow.

"I see it," Ara mumbles, giving a step forward. 

Leo pulls her back quickly. "Okay, let's take a moment to make sure Frank and Ara aren't having some kind of shared hallucination—"

"We need to get to that exit," Frank says urgently. "Now!"

Hazel pushes him back with all her strength. "Wait, Frank! This floor is not stable, and underneath... well, I'm not sure what's underneath. I need to scout a safe path."

"Hurry, then," Frank brings out his bow.

As soon as they huddle closer together, they hear the voices of a monstrous army approaching quickly. "Hazel, don't stop!" Nico reaches for the scepter of Diocletian.

Ara opts for her flintlock and starts shooting as soon as the Earthborn shows up at the end of the passageway. Leo stays near her, protecting her by tossing fire at the monsters. 

The floor cracks under them, and Ara retreats in panic colliding against Leo and Hazel.  Frank grabs the trio and drags them to another corridor. "Go, go, go!"

"The others!" Leo exclaims. A crack has divided the room they were previously in, one side full of monsters, the other with their friends, and a considerable amount of cyclops and hellhounds. 

"We have to help them!" Hazel says desperately.

"Your tapestry," Silena repeats in her mind once more, this time more urgently.

Arachne's tapestry showed her exactly as she looks now. Ara locks eyes with Frank, seeing the determination in his as they fall to similar conclusions. 

"Protect my army, Frank Zhang," she says.

"Nico!" Frank shouts. "The scepter!" Nico summons the ghostly army and Frank nods at her. "You keep going."

"What?" Hazel tries to reach him. "No!"

"You have to find the Doors. Save Annabeth and Percy."

Ara grabs Hazel and Leo and drags them away from Frank. He rushes away, and just when Hazel's getting a bit hard to control, the wall crumbles. Ara lets go and Hazel falls to her knees, the girl hits the rocks trying to move them, but they're unbothered by her tantrum. Ara gives her a single minute to scream, then lifts her from the hard floor.

"Frank is one of my bravest soldiers," she absorbs Hazel's anguish while she speaks. "You'll see him again. Alive." The girl looks like such a little kid, that Ara feels guilty for forcing her to go on. "Don't waste his efforts."

For the first time, Ara prays to her departed friends asking them for strength, but most of all, forgiveness.

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[dollarstoreartsupplies]

saw ur post about Danny from escape room and omg agreed I need more people to talk about him with he's so underrated

NO LIKE ACTUALLY THOUGH!!!!

I genuinely love him, he's so harmless and genuinely excited to be there, it's like textbook-first-death-you-care-about-to-get-you-invested, but I think it would be fascinating to see how the story would progress if he had lived longer. He doesn't get much of a chance to realize this isn't just a super fucking good escape room and I'd love to see how he'd react to another person's death, or the more morally-questionable puzzles.

Would he step up to the plate in a Zoe sort of way? I feel like theres even a possibility he'd cling to the concept of it just being a normal escape room for WAY longer than he should as a way to cope with all the fucked up shit happening.

Because if you think about it even his personal tragedy/survival event (while also being SO FUCKING SAD OHHH MY GOD??? how old was he??? was he a kid??? when did this happen?? if someone remembers if it's says how long ago HIS ENTIRE FAMILY DIED let me know) is incredibly passive.

He definitely saw his family post-death but unlike a plane crash or a mine cave or any of the other tragedies in he has never actually seen anyone else in the process of dying, and I think that would be SO interesting to explore.

Like is that why he likes escape rooms so much? Because it's a way to solve 'impossible' puzzles and clever-your-way out of problems in a way he never got a chance to because he was probably asleep when it happened?

(I also wish we got a slightly closer look at how Ben feels about his death. Because it's really no one but Minos' fault but if the blame had to be pointed to another player it's on him. And he's already got a complex about that shit. Danny is a significantly more sympathetic/guilt complex kind of murder than Jason.)

He's just SO interesting as a character, especially because his death is the only non-preventable one. Theres no way to out-think being dragged under ice in a freezing current. I know the whole game is about luck but it's entirely unfair in a way that I can't even imagine would be particularly entertaining for the people watching at home and I WANNA KNOW WHY! Was he always going to die first? Did they underestimate how good at escape rooms he was? Was it a shock value death to keep all the rich viewers who bet on the safest-winner invested? Was it just because he brought a phone when he wasn't supposed to?

Like (second movie spoilers) but especially with the Amanda reveal in the second movie I'm shocked more people aren't talking about the possibility that he's not actually dead at all!

Because why would Minos kill him? If they want to force people to make escape rooms for them wouldn't Danny be their first choice? He's smart, he loves escape rooms, it would be perfect!

The only real explanation is just that it has to do with personalities and who would be most likely to actually go along with them, but we don't know nearly enough about Danny to think that he wouldn't.

Like?? He kind of seems like the easiest of the first movies cast to manipulate in this situation!! He's the youngest, he's naive, and I don't think he's got the kind of Zoe-backbone that would rather die then spend his time building escape rooms which is what he's passionate about.

If I'm being entirely honest I am not going to believe anyone is dead unless we see the body.

Like, in the first movie who are the only two we don't see the actual body of?

Amanda and Danny.

Amanda is clearly a good person to have on your evil-escape-room-murder-game team as it's shown in the sequel, and like I said DANNY KAHN IS LITERALLY THE PERFECT PERSON TO HAVE ON YOUR TEAM. WHY WOULDN'T THEY KEEP HIM IN THEIR BACK POCKET?

((It also makes sense with the sequel, where we don't see a lot of the bodies. The ONLY person's body we actually see is Theo; Nathan falls into the sand, so does Ben, and we know how that worked out. We kind of hear Brianna and Rachel but we don't SEE them. And the might mean nothing, but if you think about it- it tracks, in a tournament of champions, best of the best, you'd want to hold on to as many as you can.))

I'm veryyyy interested to see if this comes up in the next one, I honestly do not think it will, but I definitely think it's a plot line that could be INCREDIBLY interesting to go down.

[anastablack]

So, I was watching 7.18 and seeing Danny struggling to say "I love you" to Steve in those jungles, when they could die at any moment made me write this.

He should say it. No, he has to say it... He must say it. Jesus, they are two seconds from death, and it could be the last time when Danny has an opportunity to look at Steve and catch a glimpse of his blue eyes, filled with love and sorrow.

"Don't say it. Don't say anything, okay? I don't need to hear it, okay?" Danny says, feeling his pounding heartbeat. Seems like it's going to jump out of his chest if he doesn't say those three fucking words. Steve has already said them, so why couldn't he?

That's the question Danny always asks himself. Why the hell he can't say these three words if they are on the verge of death? It's not the first time, at all. And it's about saying "I love you" and not about death. However... No, no time for that now. So, he's been saying those words for a few years so far. But the thing is... The thing is that when they are so close to death, these words become very real. It's not just "I love you, man" or "I love you" way you can say to your friends. No, It is the I love you I love you. And Steve has already confessed to him. Long time ago and even right now. He confessed his love to him and Danny is too terrified to answer back. Not because of the bomb that can explode at any time. He is scared because when he says these words, they will become too real. He'll have to deal with them somehow, and Danny isn't sure that he's ready for this. Not now. Maybe sooner or later, but not now.

***

But time flies and at the present moment, they are almost trapped with the bomb. Yeah, trapped, because there is no escape from this part of the island so quickly that the bomb won't reach them. And Danny is scared for the second time (or the third, there is no need to count, with Steve it's always like this, both good and bad way). He is scared for his friend. For his Steve. For his... Oh God, anything can go wrong. These batteries may not save Steve, or the bomb will explode and two of them will be dead. What if... What if he says it. Right now.

There is an invisible hand that squeezes Danny's neck, preventing him from it. No, he can't. He can't.

"I don't have anything, I'm sorry. Good luck," says Danny and... Good luck? Really, Danny? Good luck?

He just goes and takes the cover, as Steve had told him. Steve will be good. They all will be good. At least it's what he is saying to himself, hoping that it would stop his heart from aching so badly for the unpronounced words.

***

Now it is safe. They are at Steve's house, and Danny is not sure what he is doing here after spending an hour in the hospital with Steve. Their ears are still ringing, but at least now they are able to hear each other.

"So, what about "Steve's" restaurant? Have you decided on the interior yet?" Steve, as always, doesn't want to listen to him.

"It is a horrible idea. Horrible. No one would go to this restaurant if I named it like that," replies Danny, closing his eyes.

"So, are you saying that "Danny's" would be better?"

"I'm not saying anything. And I don't want to say anything. Silence. Silence is what I need right now, Steve," sighs Danny. He is surprised that after it, Steve really goes silent. Unpredictable.

Danny turns his head to look at his friend.

"Oh shut up," Danny shuts his eyes and turns his head away.

"I'm not saying anything!" Steve almost shouts. His ears are in a worse state than his.

"Yeah, but you are expecting me to say something," Danny opens his eyes and sighs deeply again.

"No, I'm not, Danny. I'm not expecting anything. Really."

And they are silent again. Danny is in his thoughts. He can say these three words right now, they are not in danger anymore, and it wouldn't fully count as a confession, right? Wrong. It would. Because... He doesn't know exactly why, but it wouldn't be just "yeah, pal, love you too."

"Well, you didn't kill us, so maybe, only maybe, but I will think about naming my restaurant in honor of our names. Not only yours," Danny rolls his eyes. "But for real, it's better to think about it more."

"Oh really?" Steve puts on his pure smile and oh fuck Danny's heart starts melting and aching. Again. He is a coward. He really is. He can't say those three fucking words just because it will become real. Just because he doesn't know how it will end up. What would happen next? If anything at all happens. Danny is always thinking of horrible ways something could end up. And he doesn't want it with Steve. And he can't say It because he wants everything to be alright, he wants everything to be stable. Like this, like now. Because losing stability is not an option for him, right? And losing Steve means losing stability and...

"I love you," Danny spits out. He looks at Steve. Steve's face relaxes, he doesn't take his eyes off Danny, and Danny sees how a gentle smile widens on his beautiful lips.

"I love you too," Steve answers, still looking at Danny with so lovable smile that... that Danny wants to say it again. Wants to kiss these beautiful lips, to taste them.

The warm feeling is interrupted by light fear. He has said it. He said those words, so what now? It was a confession, so everything is going to change now, right?

"I'll bring beer," suddenly says Steve and stands up.

Danny feels relief. It will change, he is sure. But now they can just sit and drink beer, take some rest and be happy that they and a half of the island made it out alive.

For today it is definitely enough.

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

Corrupted Snippet (Magnus Archives x Malevolent WIP)

Oh, Tim.

We are getting to the really intense part very shortly.

This? Oh, this part isn't super intense. It's just Tim figuring a few absolutely horrible things out and going along with it, anyway.

But he doesn't know he's being watched.

P. S. There is ONE HECK of a clue in this snippet.

-----------------------------

Tim’s gut says this is a trap, and he’s walking right into it.

He tries to figure out why he feels that.

It’s not like he’s stuck. He could turn around. Leave. If John refuses to help him anymore, he could just call the fucking police, a medic, something.

Hell, he could even call Bouchard.

He has options, even if they’re not great.

Why is he still going along with this?

“I might be depressed,” he verbalizes after a moment.

Oh?

John sounds chipper.

I am definitely walking to my death, Tim thinks, and still isn’t sure why.

Then he decides, fuck it, and shoots his shot. “I’m about to die, aren’t I?”

John is silent for one, long beat. What makes you say that?

Ah-ha. Flat tone. 

Right.

Score one for intuition, Tim thinks. “Don’t know that I care as much as I should, is all. Hence the ‘depressed’ comment.”

Tim. What makes you say that? Two steps left; there’s some piece of rusted metal sticking out of the ground.

Tim navigates, and figures out what's wrong as the question leaves his mouth. “This conjuring is supposed to help, right? Show us what power we need to talk to, or something?”

Something like that.

“So why didn’t we do this first?”

The pause is so slight that if Tim hadn’t been listening for it, he wouldn’t have caught it. We probably should have. I’d hoped you already had a resource we could use without risking you.

No. John’s too smart for that. “Wanna know what I think? I think the second that Eye god started looking at us through my eyes, you knew something was off, and you could have done this instead,” says Tim. 

An interesting theory. So then why did we go through all that?

Tim has always been at his best when verbally processing. “I dunno. Maybe the same reason we’re doing this magic test. You wanted to see how I’d handle it?”

You’re quite suspicious, all of a sudden, says John quite casually.

He didn’t deny any of it.

Tim is still walking, though, crunching through winter grad, hands in his pockets, backpack heavy. He sighs. “Are we there yet?”

Almost. So: you think all that, and you’re still going through with it?

“Depressed, remember? I don’t know. Maybe I don’t care.” That’s the truth, too.

I don’t plan to hurt you, Tim.

So whatever this is will be painless. Tim believes him. I got Cthulhu’s favor, lucky me, he thinks, and almost laughs.

There were worse ways to go. Being beaten to death in an alley by cultists, for example.

We’re inside.

“Do I even get to know what this does?”

Possibly nothing. As I said - if you have no magical affinity, it’s a nonstarter.

“What happens if I am magical?”

It’s dark. Give me a moment to see… ah. Perfect. Ahead of you, Tim, is a space that probably held farm equipment once, but now, it’s only got junk around the perimeter - a hand truck, a suspiciously stained armchair, an unsafe ladder. Move straight ahead, slowly.

So John wasn’t going to tell him what it did.

If Tim were playing this in a game, he’d have some assumptions to make about his body and John’s place in it. 

Though maybe not. It’s a good human body, but a far cry from what Bouchard described John having.

If he as right, though, would Tim still be inside it at all?

He suspects he’d just be gone.

To wherever Danny is, maybe. “Where do we go when we die?” he says.

We go to the Dark World.

“All of us?”

Yes. There is one world that accepts all after death, and that is its name.

Sounds a lot simpler than he’d feared. “You've been there?”

No, and I don’t ever intend to go. Tim, this is the spot.

And this is the moment of decision. “What’s this going to do, John? Really.”

I told you. Help. Take the rope out first.

Tim decides to do it.

Maybe he’s wrong. Maybe it won’t kill him.

Maybe he’s leaping off a cliff, chasing Danny, chasing adrenaline, chasing anything to feel something other than broken inside.

“Sure.”

[rolling-restart]

Hi!!! If you remember, I was the anon with academic duties back in early December. I went back to uni today, so my schedule will change. I'll send asks a little late, but you will definitely see me around!

Anyways, let's talk about The Aftermath!

Oh. My. God. I really like that you put trigger warnings before the chapter. Even if the imagery of suicide is not totally explicit (in the sense that the scene doesn't show it directly), these scenes of contemplation are as hard as one. George looking for alternatives and plans is pretty on character, unfortunately, these alternatives include hurting himself.

I sensed the paranoid feeling throughout the chapter. Big guy Toto's glasses watching him set the tone perfectly. Even when making the call, I was worried that big guy Toto was listening (maybe he tapped George's phone or bugged the apartment). He truly feels like an omnipotent presence in George's life. Your writing is way too good because not only I can sympathize with a character but directly feel his paranoia and fears.

I read somewhere that just because you analyze your feelings doesn't mean you process them. Georgie and I have that in common, I guess. He is viewing his near-death experience as a fact, has an organized to-do list, and is preparing his will. He tries to be rational about it, even having a Plan B. I understand why, which makes it even more heartbreaking.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to answer the calls and messages. He was just afraid that if someone asked him if he was alright on the phone, he would start crying and wouldn’t be able to stop.

Just like him, I think one of these days I'm going to read a new chapter and start crying non-stop. You're an amazing writer.

I'm glad George is calling Daniel anyways, even if he's trying to make Danny back off. He's reaching out in one way or another. A win is a win.

Maybe in the next chapters will see Daniel/Seb/Nico/Jenson which is AMAZING! Always excited to see your work!!! <333

-🌻

Hi dear, welcome back! I assume you are back from Christmas break just like I am so I understand!

I don’t think I could do more with the tags because I felt like I truly did everything to convince the people who will be triggered by it to not read it. I just hope it worked.

I think it’s pretty on character for George also for being incredibly tunnel visioned. Obviously, he has options apart from the ones he discussed in the chapter but he just cannot see them.

Honestly, I think George is only half paranoid and the rest is pretty justified. I wanted to emphasize that theit relationship was never picture perfect by showing George’s emergency compartment. The point is, he truly cannon see a way out of his life with Toto.

I’ve been heavily implying the themes I used in this chapter in the playlist and “Last Words of A Shooting Start” by Mitski had been a great inspiration although it’s a very very triggering song imo, so you people should proceed carefully.

I think I know exactly what you are talking about. “The fact that you intellectualize your feelings doesn’t mean that you processed them.” George has a lot of thos traits from me, tbf, and he is hanging on a thread regarding the sense of control he has in his life.

The quote also proves that he is not as in control as he wants to be, which makes everything much more interesting regarding his next encounter with Toto. Will he crumble? Will he shut down? How will Toto react?

It is honestly sad to see that he calls Daniel on damage control basis but it’s still nice to see that they will talk and I want to imagine Daniel putting him on speaker next to Nico, Seb and Jenson while the rest being super silent 😭😭 I don’t think i’ll write it like that but the thought is just so funny!

Next chapter is planned to be the Daniel/Seb/Nico/Jenson face off chapter and I am very excited about it!!

Thanks so much for your kind words and your input! I always look forward to your comment on my work!

[woodchoc-magnum]

L*ne St*r Hate Watch 3x08

Disclaimer: if you love the show, don't read this, please have a wonderful day.

Eddie Diaz, because it's only prudent we should gaze upon his beautiful face before embarking on this torment:

Prefacing this by saying I genuinely don't know how much of it I'll actually be able to get through – equally the TK & Owen shit but also as someone who recently lost her mother. I'm not sure if this is going to trigger some strong emotions or not (probably not - let's face it, it's LS, the writing is fucking terrible, but still). We're just going to roll with it and see what happens.

This is a really awful death for Gwyn who absolutely didn't deserve it (for those not watching – she's knocked over by a bike rider and she hits her head on the curb, and she dies instantly).

I hate this because I really love Lisa Edelstein and I feel this show has done her dirty.

I feel like we're 100% heading for a TK relapses storyline, right? But they're too cowardly to do it to their golden boy so probably not

"leave me alone" TK says in a monotone

God I'm gonna hate this episode so much

He can't act. Like he just actually can't act. I know he's meant to be acting "numb" or whatever but like every single line is delivered in a monotone.

Rob Lowe looks particularly old in this scene? Maybe it's the lighting

Is Carlos going to get to go with them in this and actually have something to do? Amazing

I thought it would just be a Strand family adventure (note from future!me: oh past!me how wrong you were)

Maybe I would feel more if I actually cared about these people, but I don't.

Oh TK is doing the thing that I tried to do which was to simply deny it – damn it, I will not identify with this asshole

I mean I suppose if you really like TK this is exactly what you've been wanting

And like, if the OG did an episode that was all about Eddie, I would be over the moon

So I guess I can't complain about that

But I just find him so intolerable

Confession – I'm not really watching it so much as I'm listening to it, because it's very boring and I can't look at TK too long without getting annoyed

Carlos can do so much better

I'm only 15 minutes in, this is going to be interminable

And no Grace or Judd to relieve things

Also off topic but I feel like I'm the only one who has absolutely fucking zero interest in seeing the new Batman movie and I've always thoroughly disliked Robert Pattinson

It's Batman Returns or fucking nothing

I like my Batman with a lot of camp, thank you very much

"oh no let's make all superhero movies dark and serious" - NO, you put DANNY DEVITO IN A PENGUIN COSTUME AND HAVE HIM EAT RAW FISH, YOU COWARDS

This has been an unsolicited Batman rant

One of the ladies from Superstore is on the plane with TK (couldn't tell you her name, she's a larger blonde lady)

I'm not sure why Rob Lowe doesn't just slap TK and tell him to get the fuck over himself

He is the whiniest of bitches

God I just don't care

21 minutes

Oh what now the plane is going to crash? Plot twist

That would be amazing, two birds with one fucking stone right?

I mean the window blew out on their row and NEITHER ONE OF THEM WAS SUCKED OUT?

The lady from Superstore solved the problem of the broken window by shoving a suitcase in it, don't worry

Oh wow it's TK's time to fucking shine, he's going to save this lady's life and it's almost like he was put on this planet for a reason, right? To help people? Wow, this isn't heavy-handed at all

Why did they leave it to the day of the funeral to fly to New York?

Lady from Superstore saving the day again

Look I'm not saying that she's doing all the heavy lifting in this episode but she definitely is

All right so basically to recap what's happened is that the lady they were sitting next to was partially sucked out of the plane, and they pulled her back in but she's severed an artery in her arm and they're trying to save her life

And that is the bulk of the episode at this point

And I am not invested

30 minutes in

Okay so one of TK's vodka bottles fell in the toilet (in a flashback) and even though the other two were fine, that was the one he drank

And I am side-eyeing that decision

(unless the other two broke and I didn't see that happen - if so, fine)

"you can't save me, mom" TK says in a monotone

While Lisa Edelstein acts her fucking heart out

Can you imagine having a scene partner this fucking bad?

You know how insignificant Gwyn was as a character that her death is solely about TK and Owen's shared man pain, and not about the partner and baby she left behind

I mean I know the OG killed Shannon to further Eddie's storyline but for the most part, they don't kill characters like this

And I just think it's a cheap ploy for drama

And it's bad writing

Apparently the fucking plane was still close enough to Austin that they're just going back to the airport so that TK and Carlos can have an emotional reunion

Ugh I hate this show so fucking much

7 minutes to go

I wish the plane would blow up

Damn it

The plane didn't blow up

Also the lady from Superstore is FINE

Gwyn was a good mother and I'm annoyed that they killed her off when they absolutely didn't have to

Booooooooooorrrrreeeeddddddddd

4 minutes to go

Like now they're not even going to the funeral? All because their plane nearly blew up? Weak as piss

Now Carlos is crying and blaming himself for putting them on the plane

Okay here's the spooky thing, after my Mum died my friend and I had Chinese food to honour her – and they're doing the same thing on this show and I'm bothered by it

Also Rob Lowe is looking rough in this episode? Not sure what's going on there, maybe he's laid off the botox

OH THANK GOD IT'S FINISHED

All right so ultimately I did not find it particularly triggering. I also thought I would fast forward most of it but I half-watched, half scrolled through Tumblr which I feel was a happy medium.

I am side-eyeing people who thought this was a strong episode though because like... ??? If it doesn't have Grace or Judd in it, it's not a strong episode.

In conclusion I still hate this show.

Eddie Diaz for beautiful cleansing energy:

Maybe a couple more - we've earned it:

The fucking HEAT in this moment you guys AAAAHHH and it was in the first episode of Season 5

5b is going to kill us, I can't wait

[bet-on-me-13]

Dp X Injustice AU's

So, we have seen the frankly insane about of Dp x Dc AU's that have been spawned over the years. But I never really see any Injustice AU's

And then I thought, which Dp x Dc AU would you actually use for an Injustice AU?

Let me give some examples:

Justice League Member Danny: Danny is a part of the Justice League by the time Superman goes insane. He decides to step in when Shazam is nearly killed by Superman, but gets hurt himself in the process and is thrown in jail. This causes some of Superman's supporters to doubt him, since Danny is just a 16 yr old kid and Clark nearly killed him.

Danny is sill a Solo Hero: Danny is still just a Solo Hero from Amity Park in this. When Superman takes over the world, he goes to Amity to try and recruit Phantom. Danny refuses, and they butt heads. Danny eventually promises that he will continue to just act as a small time Vigilante in return for not joining Batman's side. This changes years later, when Superman is responsible for the death of Jazz Fenton.

Danny is a "Villain": Danny is seen as a Villain because he is a Ghost. At least, that's what the outside world thinks, but the situation in Amity is different. Danny has been seen as a Hero for years now, it's just the rest of the world that doesn't want to accept that fact. So when Superman takes over the world, and tries to execute every Villain, he goes after Phantom. Only for the Entire Town to try and stop him.

@little-pondhead Everlasting Trio Villain AU: So, take Little Pondhead's Villain AU and put it in the Injustice Universe. Danny can be the insane megalomaniac Villain he always wanted to be and not feel guilty because this is a Dictatorship. (Although it does remind him of Dan before his parole). He just has fun, messing with Superman, building insane crazy inventions, messing with Superman, enacting fun Villain plots, messing with Superman, and of course messing with Superman. Meanwhile Superman is just having a horrible time because there is just this random Villain, doesn't even seem to have powers, and he Just. Can't. Catch Him! Batman is looking for Fenton to recruit, meanwhile Fenton is literally here to Not be a Hero. It gets even worse when he brings in his Friends and Ellie.

Danny is the Ghost King: Danny is the Ghost King by now, and Batman's side try to Summon Him to deal with Superman during the whole "Super Pills" event. He shows up just in time to save Green Arrow, but isn't trong enough to kill Superman. He himself gets extremely injured in the process and gets forcibly summoned back to the Ghost Zone to be healed. Now the entire Dimension is gearing up to attack the Living World as revenge for their King being so hurt.

Old Man Danny AU: My own AU. Danny is still an Old Man just living in Gotham when Superman takes over. At one of his rally's to try and garner support and stop the rebellions, Danny stands up in the middle of the crowd and calls him out on all his Bullshit. This causes the whole crowd to start yelling at Superman, which in turn causes Superman to have a Homelander Moment. He kills Danny, who just laughs as he falls to the floor, and causes a riot. What Superman doesn't know, is that Danny was slated to ascend to Godhood at the moment of his Death, so now he has a God of Death chasing him to fulfill his "need to be avenged" urges (its like hunger pangs for ghosts)

Danny as a Medium: Danny is a Traveling Ghost Speaker, like the guy you pay $5 to pretend to speak to your dead loved ones, but he can actually speak to them. Superman is patrolling the world, just making the rounds now that he had conquered the Earth, and comes across Danny's Tent. He stops by in curiosity and asks to speak to his dead Wife. Danny asks if he really wants to put himself through that, but Superman insists. So Danny, instead of just speaking for the Ghost like normal, actually Summons Lois Lanes Ghost to talk to Superman. They have a heartfelt conversation about how it wasn't his fault, and how he shouldn't blame himself, but eventually they get to the topic of Clark talking over the world. She isn't proud, but understands if this is what it takes for him to be happy. She leaves, and Superman is left finally second-guessing himself for the first time in years. Because it doesn't make him happy. (*ahem* Danny still wants to be payed, soooo......)

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

[ma-gic-gay]

"Did you kill my brother?"

"What are you talking about, Jason?" Sonny asks his business partner who's clearly found out the truth.

"AJ. Did you kill him?"

"It's complicated-"

"No it's not. Either you pulled the trigger and let out the shot that killed my brother or you didn't, Sonny. I need to know what you did."

"Ava, she-"

"I didn't ask what Ava did, Sonny, I asked what you did. So just tell me already, did you shoot him with the bullet that killed him?"

"Yes. I did, I shot him because Ava made me think that he was the one who killed Connie. She told me that he'd killed her and I was mad. God, I was so mad that I killed him. Ava, she encouraged it, and I shot him because I thought I was avenging Connie's death."

"I can't believe you," Jason snarls at his mentor. "You thought I was dead! I died trying to protect you, and this is the thanks I get? You push my brother to drink again after my grieving mother calls him home because she needs one of her kids alive. He bonded with Michael! He was a part of my family again and you shot him. You killed AJ and didn't tell me for years. I found out about it because of Cyrus!"

"What the hell is Cyrus doing contacting you with that information?" Sonny asks, confused and upset. "And how the hell did he find out?"

"He sent me a tape with the audio of AJ's death, Sonny. I hate that man more than you could believe, trust me. But you hid this from me for years! I've been back so long and you hide from me that you're AJ's killer," Jason shouts, hands running through his hair.

"So did Carly!" Sonny weakly defends himself and he sees that the fire blazing in Jason's eyes softens slightly.

"This isn't about what Carly did! She didn't pull the trigger! She might not have told me that, but at least she didn't kill him. At least there's that. But you? I can't forgive you. You destroyed my mother. Monica, she needed to know one of her kids was okay and then the one that is, you just have to kill him too? Seems to be a pattern of yours, doesn't it?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You kill AJ and the reason everyone thought I was dead was because of you too, because I was trying to protect you. Kristina's been in a car bombing, Michael got shot, Avery was conceived on my brother's grave, Joss lives her life with bodyguards constantly around her, Dev died, Dante got shot- by you!- should I go on? That's just your kids and AJ, not even half of the stuff you've done. Should I go on?" Jason asks, shouting at him now.

"I know you're upset that Sam left you, Jason, but there are better ways to cope with it then by screaming at me," the shorter of the pair attempts to rationalize.

"Upset? Sonny, Sam left and she took my kids with her. Trust me, that doesn't cover the half of what I'm feeling right now. But I'm fine without Sam here, you know what I'm not fine with? You, who is supposed to be my friend, killing my brother and hiding that from me for so long." Jason fires back.

"Don't take this out on me, Jason," Sonny says, trying to impact this conversation somehow.

"What would you do if I'd done something like this to you, Sonny? I covered your ass so many times, I did everything you didn't want to do or couldn't do. Hell, you're only not still calling Carly a worthless slut because of me so don't you for a second act like my anger isn't justified. I raised your kids when you couldn't. When you were having a major life evaluation, I went to prison to protect your kid. While you were upset and angry, I was comforting your wife! I stood by you through everything, Sonny. Everything! I've got a right to anger, a right to being mad at you, and a right to downright hate you right now!" Jason shouts loudly.

"And I'm grateful for that!" Sonny shouts back. "But you're not listening and you're blaming everything on me when I'm not the only one to blame."

"You're the only one who pulled the trigger. Whatever Carly did, she would never do that to me or Michael," Jason reminds him.

"She helped me cover it up for months," Sonny tells him.

"To save your sorry ass so Michael wouldn't have to deal with more bad things! Her not telling the cops that you killed him, and lying to Michael about it, that was for him. Don't think for a minute it's because you're some amazing person because you're a killer of innocent men!"

"Don't you dare defend her and trash me in the same sentence! I did it to protect you, Jason!"

"Does she think I know?" Jason asks.

"Yes," Sonny admits. "I didn't want you to come back and get bombarded with bad news."

"I quit. I don't need your protection, I never have and I never will. You, on the other hand, might need some from me."

At that, Jason storms out of the office and drives over to the Corinthos home, where Carly is. He's got to find out why she did what she did.

He lets himself in and she smiles when she sees him at first, but quickly registers that he's emotionally conflicted. "What happened, Jason? Are you okay?" The blonde asks, rushing over to check him out. "You don't feel hot, so you're not sick. What's wrong?"

"Did you help hide it from me that Sonny killed AJ?" He asks her quickly when they're seated on the couch.

Confused, she says, "No. He said you knew, that he'd told you."

Jason sighs, his head in his hands. "I didn't. In fact, I just found out that he did that a few minutes ago when Cyrus sent me the recording of his death."

Frowning, Carly envelopes him in a hug. "Jason, I'm so sorry. If I had known, I would've made him tell you or told you myself. God, I'm so stupid! I should've known never to trust Sonny when it comes to this stuff."

"You thought I knew and I wouldn't have a reaction? For years, Carly, all I had for a family was you and Michael and Sonny. He killed my brother. You thought I'd just be fine with it?" Jason asks his best friend, hurt. "For someone who prides herself on knowing me, you really don't if that's what you think."

"He told me you were mad, told me you were processing! I didn't bring it up because I didn't want to watch you as your heart broke," Carly tells him, tears flooding her eyes but her far too stubborn to let them fall. "When we thought you were dead, I almost died, Jason. I was going to pull a Carly, I swear to God, and lose it at an inconvenient time. I know I should've been the one to tell you, I know, but I couldn't stand to watch you while you found out such terrible news. Sonny had me thinking you knew already so I thought there was no point to me telling you anyways."

"Believing what he says about me always seems to mess with you, doesn't it?" Jason asks, a small frown on his lips still.

"Yeah, it does," Carly agrees and the two sit there for a few moments in silence, reminiscing about the past. Before their lives were so complicated, when all that mattered was staying out of jail, each other, and Michael. "It always ends up fucking me over."

"That it does," he agrees, smiling softly.

"What are you smiling about? You just got terrible, earth shattering news, Sam and the kids left, and I ended up lying to you for two years. Why are you smiling?" Carly asks.

"Thinking about the what if's of life," he responds. "What it'd be like if not for that night."

"I made several offers for us to leave the country with Michael," Carly reminds him, chuckling. "Mainly after you came home, but still. You and I, we were in such a real life love and we had everything right. Except timing. When you were ready to confront your feelings for me, after an excruciatingly long period of time, I had slept with Sonny. When I had continually told you mine, you weren't ready to deal with it yet. Timing's a bitch."

"If we left the country, you wouldn't have Morgan, or Joss, or Donna," Jason reminds her.

"And you never would've met Sam, or had Danny, or Scout," she counters. "You think we would've worked out, had we done that, had I not slept with Sonny?"

"If I'd let us, probably," Jason admits after pondering it for a moment. "It would've been hard, but I think we would've. Provided, of course, neither of us backed out."

"You were the one who couldn't deal with it," Carly teases him.

"Yeah," Jason agrees, "I couldn't. Maybe what I felt was too strong or something, I don't know."

"Hey Jason?" She asks him a few minutes later, them both in their own worlds, thinking about what if's and their past.

"What?" He asks her, smiling slightly. His eyes give him away, blue and full of so much emotion in so many different forms.

She doesn't respond with words, just kisses him. Their lips intertwine and all feels right with the world for a moment as they're kissing.

But all good things must come to an end and they pull away. "That was-"

"Unexpected," Jason finishes, smiling at her. "Good unexpected."

"Glad we can agree. What's this mean for us?" She asks.

Instead of answering, he initiates a second kiss, a slightly more passionate one but roughly the same.

"Correction," Carly asks when they pull away, "what's that mean?"

"I don't know," he admits. "I don't know everything. I know that felt right, but you're married and I'm single."

"How do we keep ending up in this situation?" Carly asks, laughing. "First with AJ, then Sonny- our first marriage, when I was in love with you for half of it. And now, again."

"You get married too often," he smirks at her. "That's how."

"Well, maybe the third time of this is a charm," Carly smiles back. "It's an expression for a reason, after all."

Jason considers it for a minute. "God help me I'm going along with a Carly plan," he smiles.

"God help us both," Carly smiles before kissing him again.

I just watched you go through all the stages of grief. You ok???

[maneaterwithtail]

The politics are the cough. the disease is flooding to chase the trend of personal brand building. Events and confusing communities and arguably the arrangement of the direct market itself. No simplicity and lots of expense with shakeup one after the other.

And some transparently business or out of story disrupting existing (in humans versus mutants)

Starting Marvel, as an example, is harder than figuring out where to come in on the Fate series. I mention this because Comics are often compared to manga and yet however convoluted in silly may get for the most part you buy one collection, or let's not kid ourselves pirate, or wait until an animated adaptation comes out realize that it's pretty much faithful, go back to the core comic and so long as you start from the beginning you can follow to the end. Even if it's based off of a visual novel chances are everything will progress from beginning to end. It's usually when that models messed up with that something becomes destructive and difficult to follow or deal.

Unlike with manga where if you're having trouble following where to start with, like the Fate series, you can at least enjoy the latest Nasu verse offering. especially if you can turn your brain off and just engage with one example. Or if you don't want to deal with that you can just go to an entirely different property from a similar publisher that scratches a similar itch.

Like the premise of America Chavez buts I think she did it wrong? Well it's not like you can just switch over to Champions because that's a mess as well along with Miles Morales Spider-Man and ms. Marvel or spider woman.

it's expensive, patchy, filled with all sorts of weird continuity that you end up having to buy just to start. As such only the dedicated fanbase could possibly tolerate it but that also is exclusive in the sense that it's so to them with a history that it feels kind of off-putting.

I like the comicsgate comics I have heard of. I can also understand why we try to move away from that. Such as very obvious p*** tracing. And so on. Yes supposed diversity has basically led to a similar story of we're here now we're going to f*** the status quo too strongly relating to the audience or the author's pandering.

But it's not just they're going to have a trans person in an announcement. Which is a pretty major character trait I imagine that they want to talk about that or include it in the announcement.

the discontinuity does not help you build upsetting characters characterization and Circumstance. This is what I mean you're following themes story and events building to something then a new author will come in and he or she will wreck all that up so that they can go in an entirely different direction. Okay maybe you don't like the homosexual overtones of Eddie Brock and Venom. Maybe you want to stick it to all the slash shippers on Tumblr. But they've been the people who been following the comic and there's been a multi-year build up with sleeper, Eddie Brock and Venom's son.

going no now Eddy has a son he doesn't know about. oh and he was in the car that killed a child and him and Venom hate each other? Basically says f*** that other story we're going back to this story because I liked it better when I was young and I like it this way. And this kind of hostility is constant with every Changing of the Guard which can happen almost every two to three years. This keeps happening right when things are starting to get good or conclusion is reached. this undermines any death any major event or twist especially when it's in the headlines as if it's going to be meaningful

we can't even engaged in the illusion that someone has a plan charting something out when it feels like it's always fly by the seat of the pants the slightest whim can blow off the direction. We know in our conscious nothing that happens matters or at the very least when things end and we don't move on to something else then realize that there was a change but it seems seamless. Or at the very least it's a damn good seem that makes a very likeable and unique and distinct quilt. Again comparing and contrasting with manga

basically constantly ragging on the Politics as if that's what's causing the problem as opposed to Poor practices is off. yeah the customer service is definitely a no-go. But let's not kid ourselves Fanboys started it

I can straight up say that if you had a book that was straight up gay. like it starred the gay couple that once was Rescued by Captain America including his childhood hero And they were joined by the gender-bending exiled courtesan. you know those girls that always hang around in the background of Thor comics and everybody talks about winching and all that stuff? What if we actually focus on one of them and we threw in some mythological deviant queerness with the idea that men who practiced a certain form of Witchcraft had to be ladies. Now in practice this often meant anything from cross-dressing to performing ceremonies with a freaking dildo. But this is Comics so instead I can just go with the idea that after he uses magic so much he can turn or does turn into a lady. At first it's inadvertent but then he Masters the power so much that can transform into any lady. So he can go from weak little nerdy witch man to a Vanir (super durable pretty strong) or she giant.

It gets even more so when apparently he can change not just to a generic woman but any specific one. so he can literally clone an individual lady alive or dead. If she's dead you can act as a vessel for her soul so effectively while he might be booted deep within he can resurrect anyone's female loved one. Until changes back. The Twist is that while he won a beauty contest to be one of Odin's many many side pieces due to the politics and sociology of the time and the setup Odin didn't like admitting that they were both men or equals. Now the crossdressing courtesan isnt necessarily the nicest person. In fact the number one thing that characterizes him is that he hates the alpha male warrior culture or at least what he perceives of the negatives of it of Asgard. But that doesn't necessarily mean that he provides a good alternative. This will be a total retcon. not only would this make Odin effectively bisexual -although it's long since established that it seems like he's banged about so much he has had a child with everyone but his wife- but the idea that Loki and Thor grew up exposed to this weird gender-bending courtesan who tried to compete with the affections of their Queen Mother just so that that way he could get ahead and hated showing the absolute loyalty and Devotion to Asgard seeking glory in battle and death as opposed to conniving Gatling favor and trolling for booty while having to serve drinks for the Warriors that came by and were celebrated in the castle Hall.

Probably make up all sorts of relationships with other lesser-known Danny's that haven't been as much part of Marvel Thor but are important or at least well-known for the tradition. I would also shamelessly ripoff @gumon and her take on Norse mythology. With giants that just naturally produce children whether male or female. anyway ignoring all the continuity just so I could bring in the mythology that I want I would have it so that he was ultimately exiled because he got set up on a failure assignment. He got assigned to the Blue Mountain the traveling planet or set of rocks now that was the home of one of the Warriors Three the blue guy well the guy who wears blue and looks kind of like Angus Khan

The entire point of this is to get a different eye view of the Marvel Universe. What was it like to be one of those disposable pin-up girls. What is the gay population in gay culture and gay people been doing and light of the world that's been invaded from the ground been in a Perpetual fight with remnants of terrorists from World War II. And of course how they've been in for you property and making their lives and how are they responding to the fact that New York finally recognizes their marriage and of course life in the Twilight years as a gay couple that's constantly facing mortality. Also with the usual hey I'm an immortal mystical being who's having to relearn how to be human after having lived a life with a God's but neither being loyal to them nor a particular loyal to my own people. Along with the issues of the shapeshifter gender Dynamics and identity and all other sort of things. Pretty damn gay book. But I read it

Kids like imitating what they see so ripping the idea that someone's going to take some of the more iconic X-Men looks and style themselves after them when they know that their mutant doesn't seem wrong. I like the idea that we're going to open with someone who manages an online community for mutants. I like the idea of Trailblazer I like the ladies thick and I like the fact that she has a more utility power that she's going to have to work with and around hopefully being clever though that backpack does run the risk of becoming the Omnitrix and having the solution for every problem that you need.

Basically I like the children of the atom a bit more than the whole lineup of the new Warriors. I think people really should give the characters a chance so if you're turned off by yet another set of incest siblings in Marvel ya no problem or argument here.

[unqueenlybiscuits]

K-pop hates your nasally tone.

fuck you and your cow

You Don't Mess With The Zohan Script

   You don't mess with the Zohan!  Come disco.  No, no, no.I no disco, I make the fish.  Danny, come on, go disco.  Oh, okay. Disco!  Danny, that looks good. You're gonnabe a hit at your bar mitzvah.  So okay, Mr. Big Penachim,I no see you disco.  No, no, no. I making dagim.I no disco.  A real man, he can discoand cooking dagim.  So let's go.  Go, go.  I get the hummus for you.  And for you.  Little for me, eh!  No.  No.  Kapara, what is going on!  Just some bullshit-uchen.  Let's go!  Hey, I'm on vacation here.Can't you see this!  You promised me time off.Get someone else to do it.  Are they gonna hurt him!  No one can hurt the Zohan.  - Bye, Zohan.- Take care, man.  The terrorist known as Phantom...  ...was spotted yesterday at aHacky Sack tournament in Beirut.  He may be have been trying tobait us by surfacing briefly.  We believe he's being kept in a safehouse on the Lebanon border.  How is we lose Phantom!  Didn't I capture Phantomthree months ago!  What, you didn't hearabout the trade!  What trade!  Zohan, we gave back the Phantom.  No!  What do you mean,we give back the Phantom!  Zohan, relax.  It was a good trade.We got back Etan and David.  That's all we gotfor a veteran terrorist!  Come on, we got hosed here.  They threw in a spyto be named later.  Come on, Zohan,you have to like that deal.  Maybe they're talking about Ze'ev.  Ze'ev.Come on, he's not even a good spy.  He got caught, for God's sake.He's a stupid.  Our plan is to enter the building fromthe front with a team of eight men...  ...with an additional 12 menat perimeter positions.  Unfortunately, there is a highprobability of collateral damage...  ...including property and loss of life,on both sides.  Okay, here we go.  Excuse me!  Come on, is it not saferto send one man into building...  ...with minimal coverageto take out the target...  ...instead of blowing uphalf the neighborhood!  Well, who would do that!  Oh, "who would do that!"  You know you weregoing to ask the Zohan.  Zohan, why you say this!  I just laid out an entire planwhich didn't rely on you.  Come on, Yaron,you're setting me up.  All this talk of civilian casualties,then of course I end up doing it.  - But I'm not even asking you to do it.- All right, I'll do it.  Give me Avi and Koby as watch,I'll get it done without the mess.  Well, thank you. You didn't have to.  Oh, I didn't have to, bullschlassah.  Have some Fizzy Bubblech.  "Kiwi watermelon"! Yeah, is good.  "Avalon."  Chunky cuts.  Zohan, what are you doing!The girls are here.  I know, I was watching television.  Well, if you want to have fun with us,we're right next door.  - Good with the sticky, you should do it.- No, no, no.  I am going to dinner with my parents.Just leave me alone.  - All right, all right.- It is all right!  You don't giggle at the Zohan.  You hear me!No giggling at the Zohan.  You never giggle at the Zohan.  What's the matter, tatele?  You haven't touchedyour baba ganoush.  What would you think if I tell you...  ...I want to leaving the army,start a new life!  Why would you do that!You are good at it. It's steady pay.  You can't leave,you're one of their best.  Besides, you are too oldto take a risk.  Stay in the army, play it safe.  There's other things I can dobesides war.  You don't war.  - I was in the real war.- I know, I know the story.  1967.  We were surrounded on all sides,outnumbered.  - And in six days, we...- And in six days, we won.  You won. I'm sorry,I don't have a big, fancy war...  ...that lasted all of six days...  Six days and five hours.Your generation likes to forget that.  Dad, I've done so muchfor the country. When does it end!  They've been fighting for 2000 years.It can't be much longer.  All of my friends servedthe minimum three years.  Why can't I move on!Do something else.  Something more creative.  Creative, what!  You've caught so many terrorists,it's an art.  You're like Rembrandtwith a grenade.  What will you do!  Maybe go to America.  What, and haggle overstereo equipment!  Wait a minute, Ya'acov.  Uncle Levi will set you upat electronic store.  You make money, sow yourcreative oats, you come back.  No, I don't want to doelectronics store.  Then how will you make money!  I don't want to say.  Zohan, if you can't tell your parents,who can you tell!  Come, Zohanele.  I want to cut...  ...and style hair.  You... You fagala?  He's fag... Faga...  I like hair. It's pleasant,it's peaceful, no one gets hurt.  Well, you're only diggingthat fagala hole deeper and deeper.  Hello, down there!Hello, in the fagala hole.  Maybe he wants Vaseline.  Yes, it's so funny.  I just want to make peoplesilky smooth.  You know the Phantom will try to run,so be ready for this.  - Zohan, now!- So let's go.  The Zohan.  Freeze!  I get it, I get it,you guys don't like our country.  So we are the bad ones.  I'd love to sit and discuss thiswith you, but I'm short on time.  I'm just saying.It's not so cut-and-dry.  We settled herefor hundreds of years!  Good point.  None of my ancestors ever steppedfoot in this land. No, you're right.  Hey, don't walk away!  Come out, come out,wherever you are.  Hello, jackass.  You think you can oppress my people,landgrabber!  But I will never disappear.  No one can catch Phantom!  So let's go.  Very good.  Sorry. It's for the cause.  Zohan.  Zohan, bring it.  Why you do this! I feel no pain.  No, no, no. I feel no pain.  - I feel no pain. This is too much...- No, no, no. I feel no pain.  I have told you in other fights.  No, no, no. I kill you right now.  Look, look, look.  The piranha,it looks very painful for you.  Is good, is good.  Is very nice. Yes, yes.  Fizzy Bubblech for me.  You like what you see!  Time to die.  So let's go.  Okay, game over.  Yeah!  I kill!  I kill the Zohan!  Zohan is dead.  The Phantom!  Cutting the hair,this makes something beautiful.  Instead of shooting it.  That's why I had to fake to die.  I could have captured Phantom again,but for what! They trade him.  I love my country,but the fighting, it never ends.  It's like Mr. Scrappy, you bite Coco.  Coco, you bite him back.  Soon you are both having worms,eating your own poopech...  I understand. The pills.  Your parents thinkthey know what's best for you.  Sleep.  It's all about not getting recognized.  I know how great I lookedin the beard...  but I'll make this work for me,you'll see.  Rise and shine, guys.Good morning.  Is nice, huh!  It's the Avalon.  It says I care about the way I look,but I'm still approachable.  Oh, you like this!  Who wants to go next, guys!Who wants to look silky smooth!  Yes. Yes.  Oh, where are my two little babies!Oh, come on.  Come on out, Scrappy, come on out.Come to Mama, Mr. Coco.  Mr. Scrappy. Coco.What happened!  Who gave you permissionto do this, huh!  Who did! Answer me.  Scrappy, was it you!It was you, wasn't it!  You're always the instigator.  Bad dog. You are a very bad dog.Never again are you gonna travel.  Take me to the Paul Mitchellhair salon.  - First time in New York!- Yes, my friend.  So, what brings you here!  I have a dream.  I had a dream too.  What dream you have!  My dream was to come to America...  ...and make enough moneyto send for me brothers and sisters...  ...so that we all could enjoyfreedom together.  - This is good dream.- Oh, yes, it is.  - Is dream come true!- No, man.  Me brothers and sisterswere hacked to death.  But I love the Chinese food here.It's incredible.  - Hey, you forgot these.- Those are for you, my friend.  Good morning for you.I am here to meet Mr. Paul Mitchell.  And who are you!  Scrappy Coco.I am here to take a job from him.  He isn't in right now.  That's good. So I will wait, then.  You know what! I'll takeone Fizzy Bubblech, a raspberry.  You know,he actually doesn't come in too often.  Yes, just tell him I am perfect for this,so let's go.  - I am the best.- The best at what!  All of this. The cutting, the styling,the making it silky smooth.  I wanna know who cuts your hair.  Oh, you like this, eh!  This is the Avalon,straight from the Paul Mitchell book.  I haven't seen that stylesince Luke married Laura.  Sister, are you this Laura!  You tell Paul Mitchell,Scrappy Coco was here to see him.  If I find out he was here...  ...or you are keeping himhidden from me...  ...I will destroy you.  Believe me this.  What the hell was this, champ!I'm not paying for that!  This asshole cut me off,made me swerve into you!  With all due respect,I was in the bicycle lane.  You came like a madman.Be glad nobody was hurt.  I mean, somebody could've died.I mean, you came...  Okay, real mature, sir. Real mature.  You do not want to bethrowing bicycles.  Look, stay out of my business,Mustafa.  "Mustafa"! This is not my name.Who tells you this is my name!  Whatever.Salami, bologna, apple sauce.  Apple who!  My friend, if I were you,I would change the tone.  Avoid the pain.  Listen, go back to your goddamnedpretzel stand. We got it...  - Look what I've got. It's right here.- Please!  - I've got it.- Please, let me go.  I never work at pretzel stand.You like to insult people!  Was that your feet!  Yes, it's the feet. The feet uppercut.  Here comes the double foot.  This is good.  Smell it, smell it, smell it.Now take it.  - That's for you.- All right, let me go!  You said you wanted pretzel!  Okay, I'm good.  Beautiful.  You want some chickens!  No, no, no. I fix for you.  It's all b'seder.  What are you, bionic!  No, no, no. I only like the girls.  Thanks, anyways.  This is ridiculous traffic.  Anyway, George insistedwe have the party.  - I always get midnight shift.- Could you keep it down, please!  I no sleep,I no see World Series Poker.  Are you even watching the road!  Be nice. He could be a terrorist.  - Why Hamdi no get no midnight!- Could you at least change the station!  - Hey, that was amazing.- Oh, yes.  Where are you from, anyway!  Where am I from!  Australia.  Really!Because you sound Middle Eastern.  No, no, no. Similar accents.  - Kangaroo. You see!- Sure.  This is ridiculous. We're getting out.  - Come on, dear.- I've been working longer than Hamdi.  - You want me to get you home!- No, I'll grab a cab.  You've done enough.That was crazy.  Whose lockzie do I have to schluck?  Oh, you know you're boning me.I don't know that.  It's you.  - What is happening!- What's happening!  It's bullshaklaga.  - We have to go.- Go where!  - I'll run you.- What are you doing!  This is legal!  Scrappy, have another kneidlach.Come on.  You're very nice, Mrs. Klayman.  It reminds me of my mother's cookingin Australia.  Really!It's funny, you don't sound Australian.  Yes, no, no, no.This is because I am half Australian...  ...half Mount Everest.  So this is what you're hearing.  Well, Australia,it must be really nice there...  ...since they got rid of the apartheid.  Oh, yes, the weather is much cooler.  So, Scrappy,I understand you cut hair.  I will be workingwith Mr. Paul Mitchell...  ...as soon as I find outwhere they are hiding him.  Oh, Mom, Scrappydoesn't have a place to stay yet.  - Really!- Not yet.  Well, actually,there's a nice one-bedroom...  ...that just opened up upstairs.  Nice light, not huge.  And they redid the kitchen very well.  - This could be good.- Could be good.  Could be good.  Hey, Mom,do you know where the detergent is!  - That's very good.- Oh, my God!  What! What's the matter!  What's the matter! That's my mom.  - It's okay, Michael.- I know it's your mother.  She's very beautiful.  Michael, I haven't made stickyin two days.  - What do you want from me!- Couldn't you wait till I was asleep!  - Or dead!- No, Michael.  You do... What's he doing now!  Why'd that happen!Why'd that happen!  It's okay. Let me talk to him.  Oh, I can't get up.  No, no. You'll feel your legs againin two hours.  Michael.  Come on, this is nothingto feel bad about.  Me sexing your mother.  It's beautiful. It's natural.  No, I didn't bring you hometo do it with my mother.  Why not, huh!You don't want her to be happy!  Did you see her! Did you look at her!  I don't thinkI can ever look at her again.  Michael, her faceduring the big bang-boom!  You did not see!  She was glowing.  Patches. What are you...!  Michael, come on.  They'll be plenty of timefor you and me.  Tonight, I take you to disco, huh!How's this!  No, why would I wanna goto a disco tonight!  Michael, you should go. It'd be fun!  You could use a little stank.  Yes, you need your penachimto take a swim.  Yeah, a little chicken of the sea.It wouldn't hurt.  Disco, disco.Let's do this, Michael. Yes or no!  Come on, you get to disco.  - All right, fine, I'll go to the disco.- Okay.  I do your mother one more time,and then we go.  - Wha...!- Seconds already!  Oh, yes.  Hey. Look at this.  This is what you need, man,to let off a little steam, huh!  How many times a day do youmake sticky! Two! Five! Twelve!  How many times a day!I've had sex once in my life.  It was at tennis camp.It was awful.  You're too picky, Michael.Maybe that's the problem.  Every weed in the desertis still a flower.  Look at this. This a big one, eh!  But look at the tits.These will bounce nice for you.  Your mother, she has huge poopeh.  I mean, very wide.  But what I see are two big, strong legswrapped around my head, squeezing.  So who wants to get somepoontachen?  - I wanna get some poontachen?- Well, let's get some. Yes.  It's good for you. Nice spinning.  This is what I'm talking about.You play this.  - I ain't playing this corny shit.- No, no.  I need to set themood for my friend.  Get out,you Daisy Duke-wearing motherf...  - Disco, disco.- Good, good!  - Disco, disco.- Good, good!  Yes, hello. Hello.  Hey, Zohan.  Who you looking for!  It's okay, no one can hear mein disco, Zohan.  Can you believe the poontachatin this place!  I'm not Zohan.My name is Scrappy Coco, my friend.  What!Of course you are Zohan Dvir.  They all think you dead in Israel.I'm not going to tell.  Tell what!I don't know what you're talking about.  Zohan, it's okay.Don't worry, I'm a huge fan.  The way you took outAbdullah Meda in '94.  And when you made Melami Benazireat his own shit in '97.  I can't believe I'm meeting you, man.  So, what the fachmaare you doing here!  Come with me.  Look, I couldn't takeall the fighting anymore.  - What's it all for!- Are you crazy!  If I could blow a terroristinside out like you...  ...this is all I would do.I'd never sleep.  - This is exaggeration.- No, it's not.  You made Palami Habdallah's poodlesit on a live grenade.  - You gotta show me how you did that.- I don't remember. I was young.  So tell me the truth.Why are you in America!  I no want to tell you.  What! What! Come on.  You are the best, Zohan.Whatever you say is good.  I want to be hairdresser.  You a fagala?  I can't believe it.  A great warrior, but also a fagalawith the penachim.  No, no, no. I like hair.  Come on, man, I get you real job.  You come by my shop tomorrow.  Israeli electronics. Are you crazy!  - Everyone will recognize me.- No, you don't look like same Zohan.  You have silly haircut now.  - I have what haircut!- What!  - You say I look silly!- No, no. Who said this!  - You said this.- No, no. Nobody say nothing.  I don't need your job.  I get my own job on my ownat a big salon. You will see.  You ever cut a sister's hair before!  Yes. Sister, brother, grandma,grandpa, the whole family.  I'm good at this.  Have you ever workedwith dreads before!  This is what you do.  No more. This creature slayed.  It's not a problem. Okay, he's got me.He's got me. He's got me. Okay.  Okay. So we blind him in the eyes.We got you.  And we finish him.  You back away, I take hold of him.Go! Go! Go out! Go now!  Go!  This is hair. This is hair.  Oh, okay. The joke's on me, eh!  A big part of our job hereis making this a fun experience.  Of course, of course.  For a lot of kids, this is their first cut,and it can be very frightening.  - I can imagine.- I don't want a haircut.  Get away from me.  Let me go.  Young man, look what I found here.  A nice balloon.  Do you want it! It's right here.  You shouldn't jump around...  ...when this nice woman'sholding a sharp pair of scissors.  If you move, she could slip andslice your jugular vein on accident.  There's no way to stitch the jugular.  All of your blood will be on the floorin four minutes.  I've seen this. I've done this.You don't want this.  Well, then, at least it's a good time toshave his neck. I would get him quick.  When I was your ageI already killed seven men.  Maybe you should grow up.  I promise you you won't regret.  And come back.  "Fujigawa"! I don't know that brand.It really isn't...  It's not really Fujigawa.It's Sony guts.  - Wouldn't it be better with the Sony...- Oh, no, no, no. This is what you want.  - Four-hundred fifty.- But the ad says "Sony," and "300."  No, no, no. What you going to believe,me or the ad! Four-fifty.  Hello, Going Out of Business.Can I help you!  Sony, yes. Three hundred.  Come in, yes. Very good, very good.  Hi. I represent the new ownerof this building.  Good for you. Want a birthday cake!What do you want!  Yamaha is very good.  Did you receive our letterregarding your rent!  - This I don't know.- It's being raised to 20,000 a month.  No, no, no. This is too much.  Eighty-five hundredis all we'll give you.  - This isn't negotiable. We can get...- Ten thousand, that's all.  We both go home happy.  - I'm sorry. We can't settle for less.- Okay, no deal.  You come back when youwant to deal.  - Sir, you don't understand.- Go.  What you still here for! You like me!I have girlfriend. Go.  Thank you very much.  Hey, look who's here.  Come on, not so loud.  Don't worry, Zohan.I tell you, they don't recognize you.  Yosi. This is good man.This Chocolaté Coco.  - Scrappy Coco.- Scrappy Coco.  Cooking Who-co!  Yes, yes.  So you're going out of business!  No, no, no, no. Is just a sign.Is good for business.  Yeah, so you look me up, man.That's cool.  I come for job.  Job. So you not big hairstyle!  It's not really happening for meso far.  So I am here. So let's go.  No. No job.  What do you mean!You tell me to come here.  I can no let you do this.You want to be hair homo.  No, so I do this for now.It's all yofi tofi.  Is no now.  Once you start in electronics store,you never get out.  Look at Ephraim. You see!  I don't see nothing wrong with that.It's perfect.  Ephraim came to America...  ...to be racing car driver.  But he let slip away.  I can hear it. Look. Check your ear.  Pinchas wanted to bethe next Bill Cosby.  No. Is resistant, no proof.You don't understand!  But the store kept pulling him back.  Maybe you swimming with the watch.  - I'm not swimming...- Is resistant.  Yosi wanted to be a hand model.  What, you don't like this! Look at this.This is most beautiful.  But he got too comfortable here.  Press this button, it's free HBO.  The electronics storeis a dream killer.  And I won't let the Zohankill his dream.  You are a real mensch, Oori.  You the mensch.  Come.  What! What's this!  You may not go for this,but this place cross the street...  - Yes!- They maybe take you.  - Is good place!- No, is dump, but they take you.  Is on Palestinian side of street.  Palestinian!  No, no, no.Look, nobody kill you there.  Here nobody care.  First off, no one kill me anywhere.  But Palestinian, no.  I've done enoughto my parents already.  I just want job for the Zohan.  And it kills methe way Phantom bastard...  ...getting his buttochim kissedin Palestine now.  Buttochim kissed! What's this!  He have business.  He buy wives.  Him!  They say his ugly face everywhere.  Everyone is runningTo Phantom's Chewy Muchentuchen  For the food the heroes eat  Kubeh, sambouesk,Delicious muchentuchen  You never know who you'll meet  You are going to get spoiled.  Phantom Muchentuchen!  Oh, yeah!  This month,order Muchentuchen Happy Lunch...  ... and get action figures fromPhantom Presents: Death to Zohan.  Unbelievable.  This animal gets to live his dream.But, me, l...  I can no work Palestinian, no.It's like... I can't do this.  Yes, you can.  Is your dream to cut hair.You want fight, or you want hair!  I want hair. But I'm scared.  Is America.You can do anything here.  You never done somethingpeople thought was impossible!  So you don't want to talk, huh!I'll make you talk.  I can do this.  Disco, disco, good, good.  Disco, disco, good, good.  Disco, disco, good, good.  Disco, disco, good, good.  Disco, disco, good, good.  So you have never cut hair before.  I have cut my own hairand several dogs.  I have the Paul Mitchell book,I have the stamina, the desire...  But you have no trainingor experience.  Would you hire someonewith experience in something else!  In what!  Can anyone here do this!  Okay. I have never seen that.  That is very nice,but that is not going to help me.  No hands.  Besides, I have no openings.  If anything, I need to scale back...  ...since they just raised my rentthrough the roof.  Out of nowhere, some guy with a tiecomes in and tells me I need to pay.  Stop it!  I only wish to learn.  I will do whatever it takes.  Fine. You can sweep up haira few shifts a week.  - You won't be...- No pay.  No, no, no.But then, I will become stylist, yes!  That could be a while.  I will wait turn. You will see.  I will get nighttime job for money.  Soon the whole worldwill be silky smooth.  Zohan.  - Carmen Electra has the best tits now.- Oh, please.  Oh, my God.I wonder how much she paid for them.  They're so perky.  You know, leave it to herto buy the best tits.  It's always first class with that one.  You know you don't have to catchevery piece of hair as it falls.  Yes, I do. You deserve a perfect floor.One single hair is unacceptable.  As you were.  Yes. I got this.  "Did you seethe new Kate Hudson movie!  I think she is even more vivaciousthan her mother."  Scrappeleh, that's wonderful.Now, let's practice on Michael.  Michael!Could you come in here, please!  What! What is...!  Oh, Scrappy needs to practicesmall-talking.  Can we do this another time! I havea shot at keeping my food down.  Michael, I want to practice now.  I'm afraid I'm terrible at this.Why won't you help me!  Oh, honey.You are good at everything you do.  - Got it.- Thanks.  So you're making her silky smooth,huh, Claude!  - Framing her face!- Yeah, Scrappy. I'm framing her face.  This is smart.  A nice layered stylewith the soft bangs...  ...is good for a bigger womanlike this.  - Coco.- Takes the eyes off the moon face...  ...and brings it toward the titzim.  Coco.  I need to speak to you.  In private.  Private. A secret!  They will never get it out of me,I promise you.  Coco, Claude is trying to work.  Yes. He's very good.  So I am ready to cut hair today.So let's go, let's get it on.  No. Let's not go.  But I am the best.  Don't tell me you're the best.  - I have the desire, the stamina.- You've been here two days.  I run this place for five years.  I think I know when you are readyto cut hair.  Okay, Jeez! Get a room, you two.  No, no, no.  I do not touch thiswith your penachim.  Out of respect for the working.  No, you don't eat where you shit.  Or shit where you eat.Whatever the...  The smell is bad.  This is called a comb.  - With the fingers!- Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no.  - Scrappy.- I'm sorry. Here, I take your leg up.  I'm sorry about this. I'm sorry.  - Okay. All right.- I apologize.  - Take him where he wants to go.- Thank you. Okay.  - Good luck.- It will be fine.  - Your limousine has arrived, sir.- You're observant, Tyler.  Thank you, Big Mac.  I am really late for a hotel openingdowntown. The Walbridge Hotel.  I understand, sir. I know theneighborhoods inside and backwards.  - We will not let them stop us.- What!  I'm not in much of a hurry.  Oh, no.  You want some coffee back there!  No!  I will lose them.  Nobody is following us.  Oh, shit!  Have a good time, sir.  Debbie, you did a good job.  You look very bangable,Mrs. Rosen.  Mrs. Paulson, I must tell you...  ...when you first came in,you looked hideous.  There was nothing attractive.  But now, I must say,my schtitzel, it's about to burst.  - It could break these any...- What are you doing!  We are talking shop.  No. No.  - Look, Coco...- What!  You need to calm down now, okay!  I don't think these customerslike the way you talk shop.  Nobody say this.  Coco, remember,respect for the workplace.  I have betrayed my salon.  He's trying to kill himself.  - Scrappy.- I deserve this.  No, no. Just... Just...  Easy on the ladies.  I didn't mind.  Take care, Mrs. Paulson.  She did not mind.  Let me disinfect the scissors...  ...so someone elsecan make someone else silky smooth.  I'll just clean up.  Rafaela's Salon.  What! No.  Debbie, she quit.  - What!- Sorry.  Claude, did you know about this!  I should have told you.  She's been looking for a new jobsince those rent guys came around.  Then why you no say nothing,little bitch!  Don't worry,I'm not giving up on this place.  You're a good guy, habibi.I just... I don't know what to do.  So let's go.  Scrappy, I have enough problemsright now.  I not the problem. I the solution. I fix.  But if you screw up...  I can't afford a screwup right now.  No, no, no. I no screw up.I am the best for the job.  Yeah, but you push and push."When is my turn"!  I have to care about salon.  - No, no, no.- No, no, no.  You care about you. And don't fightin front of the customer.  Mrs. Skitzer,I am afraid our stylist is out today.  Would you care to wait for Claude!  Does he do hair!  He's not a regular.  Well, that's fine.  She say...I mean, only if it's okay with Dalia.  Okay.  You will not regret this decision.  Mrs. Skitzer, let's cut your hair.  Just lay back, Mrs. Skitzer.I'll take care of everything.  - Oh, thank you.- Thank you.  Sexy woman like youdeserves to be pampered.  Me, sexy! Sure.  Don't be humble.  You've got the ass and titsof a schoolgirl and you know it.  And everyone else knows this too,believe me.  Yes.  Let me get your earring off.  I love it.  Of course you do.I make you silky smooth. I tell you this.  All right, Scrappy.You can cut Debbie's clients today.  If they want you.  Thank you.  I'll get to you all soon as I'mall the way done with Mrs. Skitzer.  That all you got, Mrs. Skitzer!  Come on, baby. Go, baby. Yes. Yes.  So who's next!  Come on, Scrappy!  Thank you, dear.  - It's a lot of speakers.- Yes. Yes.  It's orgasmic.  Oh, my God.  Oh, yes!  Grab it, Scrappy!  For you. Yes.  I give this to you.  - No. I am sorry, Mr. Paul Mitchell.- Hear me out, Scrappy, please.  I'll give you stock options.I'll name a shampoo after you.  No, my loyalty is to here.I will destroy you.  I heard about this placefrom Joanne.  You have to ask for Scrappy.  Yes, is the primarycardholder present!  Excuse me!  Hello, I am callingfrom Spiegel catalogue.  Are you between the agesof 18 and 39!  We're trying to talk here.  Have you ordered from cataloguein past six months!  Could you get off the phonewhile you drive!  Hey, what's the matter!I trying to make a living, do my job.  This is your job.  This is job also.  This is not Iraq.  I am Palestine, I'm not Iraq.  And you're not getting a tip.  And you are a stupid cow.  Jeez.  - And we're done. Okay, you, skedaddle.- Thanks so much.  - I'll see you later.- All right.  I like this, the red hair.  I bet she has a pumpkin patchdown below, yes!  I don't know.  - Did you tap her tuchus?- No.  Why don't you go afterthe snatchacheem in this place!  They all want you, believe me.  Scrappy, I wouldn't be so sure.  I'm telling you,you're not picking up the signs.  Come with me.I'll show you a technique. It's beautiful.  Hello, Mrs. Haynes. How are you!You want the cut and color today!  Yes, please. Thanks.  Watch.  You see! She's going with it.It's good.  Yep.  - She has a free shoulder. Come join.- I'm good.  Mrs. Haynes,you're getting cold here.  Claude, come. Keep her warm.  Go ahead. Yes.  And gently move.Gently move the shoulder.  All you want to do is let her knowyou're here for her.  Now look awaylike you're not even doing it.  We're not doing this.  - Same rhythm.- Okay.  Push. Push. Push.  Oh, you're pushing harder.It's starting to feel good on my end.  I am trying to make moneyto start my own business, huh.  Would you say you read Spiegelonce a month, twice...  Would you just get usto the hair salon!  We're gonna miss our appointment.  I curse you, and I curse your hair.  What is big dealabout this hair place anyway!  They get worse every year.  Okay, we'll take them to the truck.We'll just talk to them. But we'll find a...  Did you throw this shoe at me,my friend!  No!  Sure looks like it was you.  Then who threw it!  Okay. You're lucky I'm in good mood.I'll let you off the hook.  Nobody spits on me.  Thank you for the goat, my friend.  Yes.  Goat!  Goat.  Goat!  Goat!  Goat.  I said, "Can we have the receipt!"  Yes. Die in hell.  Welcome.  We'll color your hair Bling-BlingBlond. This is what you need.  You know what else they go for!  The... I don't know what you have,but mine is the biggest.  This...It does not get bigger than this.  It's enormous. Scary. I mean:  What!  I have the biggest. It's the biggest.  Take a look at this.  Look.  - It's not that big.- It's not that...!  No, no, no. The bush.  The bush is the biggest.  And the girls like thisbecause it's cushion.  It is no bullshaklaga. He is the one.I never forget a face.  So, what do you want I do!  Wait. I conference you.  Hello!  Nasi, emergency meeting.You're on with Hamdi as well.  - Hello, Nasi.- Hello, Hamdi.  Can you believehow much they pay Delgado!  Yes. Why Mets do this!  This is serious. We meet!  I explain why is emergency.  This is not just manwho take my goat.  - Zohan Dvir.- Yes.  Everyone think Phantom kill him.  Phantom not kill him.  We will capture,then make trade with Israel.  We will be heroes.  But, Salim, we are not Jihadim. Wedon't know for sure that this is him.  Let's call Hamas, Hezbollah.Let them handle this.  - Leave it to the pros.- No.  Hezbollah shmezbollah.  Hezbollah will take all the credit.This is our shot.  Why not let Phantom capture him!  Screw Phantom. He hero already.  Where's my chainof muchentuchen restaurants!  Salim, don't make thisabout yourself.  This is about me.  And about him.  And about my goat!  Come on, let's go!  This is nice,the walking inside the outside.  The park, the people,the horses, the kid.  Well, you're always downtown.  You should seea little more of New York.  Yes, yes, this is good.  The talking is good...  ...to get to know each otherbefore the bang-boom. I like.  Oh, no, no, no.There will be no bang-booming.  I just wanted to thank youfor saving my business.  - This isn't a date.- No, no, no.  I feel you have helped me so much...  The right thing to dois to tap you so hard...  ...my schtitzel will come outyour poopech. That's what I think.  Look, why don't wejust enjoy the park!  No, no, no. This is what we do.  Hey, look, softball.  - You like softball!- Of course, I love softball.  What is softball! Teach me how to.  I learned softballwhen I came to the States.  When you're Arab, it helps to fit in.  Yeah, how long you move here ago!  Just a few years ago.  I couldn't take it there anymore.All the hate, on both sides.  Yes, especially yours.  Why you say this! You don't know.  No, no, I don't. I read this.  The Australian-Tibet mediais very biased.  Look, both sides crazy.  My own family...  My brother...  ...if he knew I work cross streetfrom Israelis, he would lose it.  - Really!- You have the hardcores on both sides.  They just want to fight and fight.  Nobody will win this way.It has to stop.  When will it end, eh! Yes.  Okay, so you must be thirsty, no!  Here.  Where you get this!  This! From specialty shopon West Side.  This Middle Eastern drink.You know this! Fizzy Bubblech!  No, no, no. It looks pretty good.  Oh, try, try. It's very good.Try, have a sip.  It's not for me.  No! Really!  This is his shop.  Here is photo for compare.  For how long this take!I close the newsstand.  Make sure you ask himif he ever hit by shoe.  And about the prize goatthat can fetch a bowl of onion soup.  Look in his eyes when youask him this, for they will be suffering.  - You know, I just got haircut.- Go.  Look at this. I feel like Hugh Hefnerwith all you little bunnies around here.  Okay, okay,let's see who is going next.  "Jorge Posada," where are you!  That's me.  Okay, good-looking guy,you take a seat there. You're next.  You know, you look likeyou already just got haircut.  No, no.  So I guessing you're looking forsomething in the silky smooth area!  - Well...- Because I see you have nice curls.  You don't want tocut into those curls.  We will talk about this over there.  Okay, Scrappy, I wait.  Is not like I have a shoe to throw.  Sure. Yes. Beautiful. Whatever.  I don't have time to go watcha goat fetch soap.  - What!- What! I don't know.  Listen, my friend...  ...you want to talk, it's good,but you have to wait your turn.  First I have to cut and bangMrs. Greenhouse.  - That's right.- Okay.  Well, I'm ready for it.  Oh, dear.  I am sorry, Mrs. Greenhouse.I am not man enough for you today.  Oh, Scrappy, it's fine.  I don't know what the problem is.I am going to lose business.  Oh, no, dear. You're still adorable.  The screwingwas really just a bonus.  You are an angel, Mrs. Greenhouse.  An angel with a magic throat.  Oh, Scrappy!  No, that could work.One more, please.  Let's see what we got.  And we're still nothing.  Well!  He was very cool.  Idiot. What did he say!  He think I have nice curlsthat go well with a full face.  - But was it him!- Well, it looked like him.  But hard to know.  I tell you this: he didn't seem to carewhen I talk about goat fetching soap.  Soup. The goat fetched soup.You ruin everything.  Soup! This makes no sense.  Screw you. It's him. I know it's him.  The goat fetched soup!This is unbelievable.  Go to hell.  You said it was urgent!  It's an emergency.Please, take a look.  Yes, yes.  Well, that's not a real problem.You can always shave it.  No, not the bush.  No, inside the bush.Look deeper. Him.  - I see.- He lays in there all day long.  Maybe it needs some more oxygen.It looks like it's being strangled.  So the Palestinian says to the priest:  "Okay, but let's skip the bath."  Why, are they not clean!  No, is good joke.  Honey, are you all right!You've been in there for over an hour.  What is this stuff! I mean, I took onesip and I repainted the whole toilet.  Is Fizzy Bubblech.You'll get used to it, relax.  I don't wanna get used to it.My car couldn't.  - All right, that's it for me. I'm done.- What! What!  Is everything all right!  - Is it about the pee-pee!- Stop it.  - The pee-pee!- He can't do with his peepeechosetz.  Really!He's usually as hard as trigonometry.  - Mom. What...!- When did this happen!  The last few days.  Of course. It's ever sinceyou went out with that Dalia.  Your hog is telling you something.She must be the one.  The one!  Is this possible!  Of course it's possible, man.  All the beaverim in the worldand he falls for Palestinian muffich.  Why should Scrappy careif she's Palestinian!  He's from Australia and Tibet.He's not Israeli.  - No, no, no.- Oh, no, no, no.  Exactly.  What was that, a motor boat!  You know, Scrappy...  ...a special woman is specialno matter where she's from.  Listen to your hog.  Someone special.  Maybe is good.  It's good! It's terrific!  I mean, you know,you guys won't be together anymore...  ...but Scrappy is in love.That's great, awesome.  Thank you for your support.  - Is a good boy.- Good boy.  This is fun. Let's celebrate.Where's the cat!  Let's cat-sack, huh! Throw it to me.  - Got you.- Let's play, man.  Take it, Michael.  Look at you.  I wanna try it.  Is good.  Welcome to Hezbollah phone line.  For membership information,press one.  For negotiation update, press two.  For bonus mile information,press three.  For terrorist supplies, press four.  We have currently suspendedour terrorist supply service...  ... as we are engagedin negotiations with Israel.  We will resume service as soon asnegotiations break down. Thank you.  Great.  Come on. Just think of a bomb.  They say you can make bomb fromeveryday's material. You combine.  Yes, okay.But what we combination!  Just think of chemicals.  Chemicals, like in science class.  Yes.  Who remembers this stuff!  Hello.  Well, can I help you fellasfind anything!  Yes, do you have...  ..."liquid nitrogen."  You need what!  Liquid nitrogen.  Yeah. Well, I supposewe have some of that.  Now, just a moment.  - This is it!- Yes, and that's the large container.  This works!  Oh, it works quite well. Yes.  You use!  From time to time. Sure.  We'll take 12.  Look, you can turn off the water...  ...but we will find a wayto keep on going.  Oh, you like when I spray you,Mrs. Skitzer!  Where's the $ 14,000!  I have your rent right here.There is no getting rid of me.  We don't wanna get rid of you.  Mr. Walbridge would actually like torelocate your salon in our new mall.  You mean the one you want to destroythis community to build!  It is not our intentto destroy this community.  I'll take the community, Pancake.  My name is Gray, and I'll be back.  Nice to meet you, Pancake.  Why Pancake!  Just for fun.  You were amazing right there.  Oh, my God.  What!  I have one.  What!  I have zikpah.  Look at it.  It is you.  Dalia, I don't know how to tell you this.I cannot make sticky with anyone else.  You are the special one.  I will only be stiff for you.  Who is Steve!  Stiff, with an F.  - Stiff. Stiff.- Yes.  Okay...  ...I know you meant thatin a good way...  The best of ways.  - so thank you.  Thank you.  Is crazy.  This has never happened.  One woman...  ...one zikpah...  ...one life.  You see his face!Scared Israeli son of bitch.  Salim, this is not bomb.  What you mean "not bomb"!  It's grade A liquid nitrogen.  Guys, I really need to go home.  Inaz have a soccer matchin the morning.  - I am hero.- Salim, this not bomb. It just go:  Well, just go with it.  I scraped some off the window.  Maybe you know what is!  It's Neosporin, it's nothing.I use it for cuts and genital sores.  We're beginning to thinkmaybe someone out to get the Zo...  The Scrappy.  You mean like a competing salon!That's heavy.  Don't be afraid, honey.Don't be afraid.  Well, I...  Yeah, lick this.No, she likes the tongue in the ear.  Oh, I like that bet... Oh, I like that.  Close with the brenski.  Come on, get some salivaon those bad boys.  - She likes it, huh!- Of course she likes it.  Okay.  I could look for clues. It's my shiftfor community night watch.  The what!The communism tight crotch!  Oh, it's the communitynight watch program.  You know, people in the neighborhoodpatrolling it, keeping it safe.  We kick some ass.  Hey, why don't you let Scrappy Cocotake your shift tonight!  - I bet he'd be good at this.- Oori.  What! For clues.  I know it sounds scary, Scrappy,but you are gonna be just fine.  Maybe I can manage one night.  Maybe you can pretzel some people.  - Thank you for getting the hummus.- The hummus.  Where's Patches!  Patches.  I'm terrified right now.I'm totally terrified.  "Shitting my pants"doesn't come close.  I wish I was shitting my pants.  It's just a patrol.  What if something goes down!  I don't know if I'd have the courage.  What if something goes downand someone got killed!  I would have to live with that.I'd be happier shitting my pants.  Much happier.  - Let's go.- We're supposed to call the police.  No. No time.  No, no. No. It's good.  Drop the paint.  Get out of here, Ahab,or I'll cut your eyes out.  - Maybe we should let him finish.- No, no, no.  What you cut my eyes out with!The Neosporin!  My blade, camel jockey.  My friend, the beating I give youif you stop the spraying...  ...is much less than the beatingI give you if you try to cut me.  What are you laughing at!  That was just with everyone.  They had it coming to them, right!  Yeah. Yeah, it seemed like it. Yeah.  - Okay, you take it from here.- I got it.  Everything's gonna be okay.  What you gotta say about that, huh!  You're telling meour guys can't handle...  ...some neighborhoodnight-watching losers!  We can't even put a scareinto these people!  The main guy who got in the way...  ...is the same one who's bringingold biddies into Rafaela Salon.  My aunt goes there.  She says besides the sex,the guy gives a pretty good haircut.  Don't talk to me about that dump.  I've got a huge,classy hotel standing there...  ...and it's staringat that cheap garbage.  I want it staring at the Supercuts.  Now, has anyone made any headwaywith any of these foreign people!  I spoke to the manager of GoingOut Of Business again yesterday.  I stated our priceand the urgency of the matter...  ...and he offered me two-thirds lessand a Toshiba DVD player.  The people at Everything Must Gowere just as difficult.  They offered me a Blu-ray discand a jar of hummus.  What's hummus!  It's a very tasty...  ...diarrhea-like substance.  Grant Walbridge has a vision.  A vision for Lower Manhattanto have the first indoor mall...  ...with its own 300-footroller coaster.  You know, you're lucky I havea world-class superhot girlfriend...  ...with a perfectly proportionedass-to-breast ratio...  ...or I'd be furious.  She is smoking, sir.  I'd payto spend an hour with her, sir.  Let me in on that.  Well, thank you.  But if you bitchescan't get those people out...  ...I will find other peoplewho will get the job done.  However, whenever.  Walbridge!  This is where I find them.  But I don't know if it's same peoplewho try to Neosporin salon.  But you caught them writing this crap,so, what do you do!  - You don't mess with the Zohan.- Check it.  - Disco.- Disco.  - Good.- Good.  Why did you do thisto Naseef's store, huh!  Why you blame the Israelis!  We come to work,go out of business.  No, no, no.Is not Israeli who do this.  I do community watch.Don't worry, it's all taken care of.  Not Israeli! Who else would write"Arab go home"!  Oh, I don't know,just maybe 99 percent of the world.  - You see what he says!- That was joke.  Come on, come on.You guys get along here, stop this.  Yeah, here it's okay. It's just there,the war is never going to end.  You know, we were so close to peacebefore the asshole shot Rabin.  Bush, he see the big picture.  Bush no want peace,he set it all back.  What about Bush's wife!This is a wife I would get sticky with.  I would do this. I would do this.  - Yes, yes.- What about Clinton! I would do Hillary.  The big legs.  Yeah, she look strict,like she's going to teach me a lesson.  - Yes, discipline.- You know what's funny!  I like Chelsea.  You're crazy.  She has beautiful legs.  If I want legs, I'll take Obama's wife.She has legs.  This is what happenswhen they talk politics.  No, no, no, wife of McCain!  She has the ass,and you know she's not getting any.