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i-get-obsessed-fast · 3 months ago

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Classroom Talk | Spencer Reid

Summary: Spencer drops your lunch off to your classroom filled with apparent love experts, who then question the man you’re with and tease you two for not being married yet…

A/N: idk why but I just thought of this, it’s adorable though. Not proofread too tired for that. LOL.

BYR(b4 you Reid): light teasing, Spencer getting kind of bullied by teens, and fluff :))

You were at your desk, deep in teacher mode. Grading assignments, updating the grade book, the usual rhythm of a productive day.

You glanced up and saw your students working quietly for once, either reading the latest chapter you’d assigned or scribbling their thoughts in journals. It was that rare magical moment every teacher silently prays for: peace.

Naturally, it didn’t last.

There was a knock at the door.

Every single head turned in unison. Including yours.

“Hello.” A familiar voice said, soft and polite, peeking into the room like he wasn’t about to cause utter chaos.

Spencer.

Your brilliant, shy, awkward boyfriend. Standing in your classroom.

You blinked, stunned. “What are you doing here?” You asked, smiling like this was the best little surprise.

“Someone.” He said, raising a brow and holding your bag up. “Forgot their lunch at home.”

You walked over to meet him halfway, shaking your head. “Wow, I didn’t even realize.”

His hand instinctively went to your waist as he handed you your lunch, you turned to face your students, you immediately regretted it.

Half of them were staring blankly. The other half wore smug little smirks, the kind you’ve seen way too many times this year.

You sighed, already sensing the storm brewing. “Everyone, this is Spencer.” You introduced him. He gave an awkward wave and shy smile, very much regretting every life choice that led him to this moment.

“Hi.” Came a chorus of teenage politeness, which was immediately shattered by

“Is that your husband?” Silas blurted. Of course it was Silas.

You chuckled. “No, not my husband.”

“Fiancé?” Someone else chimed in.

“Boyfriend.” Spencer said, trying to sound casual.

“Oooh!” “Awws” “no way” erupted from every direction.

Mia raised an eyebrow. “You have a boyfriend? Why didn’t you tell us? We thought you were lonely!”

You blinked. “I-well- I didn’t think you needed to know about my personal life.”

“Why? We always tell you about ours.”

You stared at them. “That’s…true, unfortunately.”

“I always thought you and the basketball coach would be cute.” Someone tossed out.

Spencer’s jaw dropped. “Excuse me?”

You stepped in. “Okay! That’s enough. You’re scaring him”

The class laughed, clearly delighted.

You turned back to Spencer, lowering your voice. “Thanks for this. Lunch is in fifteen, have time?”

He smiled. “For you? Always.”

You motioned to the chair near your desk, and he sat, awkward but trying. You returned to your seat, praying your students would go back to their journals.

Nope.

Olivia’s hand shot up.

“Yes? Olivia?”

“Why is your boyfriend dressed like he’s coming from a funeral?”

You choked back a laugh, Spencer blinked at you, betrayed.

“Well.” You said sweetly. “Spencer?”

He cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably. “Uh…my job?”

“What do you do?”

“I’m with the FBI.” He said, a little more confidently. “Behavioral Analysis Unit.”

“Boring.” Someone muttered.

Your head snapped up. “Hey! Be nice. His job is actually super important.” You say going to your sweet lovely boyfriend’s defense because only you can pick on him.

“Yeah, shut up. Let him talk.” Silas said.

You raised a brow. “Appreciate the support, not the tone.”

Spencer smiled faintly. “What we do is analyze criminal behavior to help catch criminals. It’s called profiling.”

“It’s like psychology.” You added. “It’s really cool.”

“So you predict what people do? Do me!” Ethan asked.

“Uh…it doesn’t quite work like that.” Spencer replied.

Ethan sighed, immediately unimpressed.

“So you get to catch criminals?” Mia asked.

“Yeah. We do.” Spencer said, nodding.

“Cool.” Silas grinned. “Do you see crime scenes? Are they gross?”

“Very.” Spencer said.

And now they were really invested.

“What’s the worst you’ve ever seen?” Someone asked

Spencer opened his mouth.

“Nope!” You interrupted. “Do not answer that.” The class groaned. “Sorry, guys.”

“How long have you guys been together?” Mia asked.

You hesitated. “Four years. Now get back to work.”

“Four years and no ring? That’s sad.” Silas said. Your jaw dropped. “Excuse me?”

“Are you guys scared of marriage or something?” Olivia teased. You and Spencer both looked equally offended.

“No.” You said crossing your arms. “We’re just…comfortable.” Spencer nodded. “We’re happy where we are. Right?” He asked, his head snapping to you for confirmation.

You smiled. “Right.”

“Well, if my boyfriend didn’t propose after four years, I’d dump him.” Mia declared. You shook your head. “When did this classroom turn into a relationship panel?”

“Yeah.” Spencer added. “How old are you guys? Fourteen? Fifteen?”

The room broke into laughter.

Finally, the bell rang. “Thank god.” You muttered, watching them pack up.

A few waved at Spencer, others giggled as they walked past. And then Olivia stopped right next to him.

“She’s a lovely woman. You should really put a ring on her finger.”

Then she was gone.

Spencer turned to you, you were already laughing.

“She’s not wrong.” You said making your way to him, grabbing his hand. “I am pretty lovely.”

“I am never stepping foot in this classroom again.” He said. “That was more stressful than interrogating a serial killer.”

“Oh, come on. I think they liked you.”

“Really? Because that comment about the basketball couch felt very personal.”

You laughed and nudged him. “You’re focused on the wrong thing.”

“What should I be focusing on?”

“Marrying me.”

He paused, then smiled. “Noted.”

You walked toward your classroom door, twisting the lock. Spencer was still by your desk, looking mildly traumatized.

“Are you okay?” You asked, trying not to laugh.

“I’ve been shot at less aggressively than I was questioned in here.” He replied, deadpan. “And I sensed one of your students wanting to fight me. I saw the glint in their eyes.”

You laughed. “Well, you held your own. I’m proud of you.”

You moved a chair next to Spencer, and took a seat, unwrapping your sandwich. He watched you for a second, then leaned in with a smile.

“So…four years no ring?” He said, repeating Silas’ line like he was testing it out loud.

You narrowed your eyes. “Don’t you start.”

“Hey, I’m just saying. The experts have spoken. We’re on thin ice.”

“You’re right, should I just elope with the basketball coach?”

Spencer gave a dramatic gasp. “I knew it.”

You nodded. “He is tall, and charming.”

“Wow. Okay, now I am scared.”

You smiled, nudging your foot against his. “You know I don’t need a ring to feel secure with you, right?”

“I know.” He said softly, reaching out to brush your hand. “But also…I don’t not want to marry you someday.”

Your heart did a flip. You tried to play it cool, like your knees didn’t suddenly feel like jello.

“Yeah?” You asked, voice softer.

He nodded. “Yeah. Just…not because Olivia told me to. Although she is very convincing.”

“She is. Probably runs the underground student government.”

“Definitely. But I’ve thought about it before. And I want to do it the right way. You’d deserve something…meaningful. Not pressured by a bunch of freshman armed with sass and curiosity.”

You grinned. “I do love something meaningful.”

He leaned in slightly, teasing. “So…no courthouse wedding tomorrow after work?”

You thought about it. “Only if we go matching in some ridiculous couples costume.”

“That actually sounds incredible.”

You both laughed, the weight of the moment balanced by the natural ease between you. You leaned your head on his shoulder and exhaled.

“I liked seeing you here.” You murmured. “Even if they grilled you like a suspect.”

He chuckled. “Next time, I’m bringing backup. Maybe Morgan.”

“Oh please, if Morgan walked in here, half the girls would faint.”

He smiled, agreeing with you.

You then grabbed his hand. “Thank you for bringing my lunch.”

“Anytime. Next time I’ll bring a ring, just to keep them happy.”

You lifted your head. “If you propose in my classroom, I will throw a dry erase marker at you.”

“Romantic.” He whispered, his smile never leaving his face, you looked at him, and he kissed your forehead.

“I love you.”

“I love you most.”

SO ADORABLE WTH

- Tag List ~

@alastorssimp @sleepysongbirdsings @khxna

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honeytonedhottie · 7 months ago

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how im preparing for 2025⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🍬💕

MY MANIFESTING LIST ;

every year i always make a list of the things that i wanna manifest in 2025, i dont always complete it in the first sitting bcuz i add onto it as the year progresses but i like to have a basic framework of everything that im manifesting in that year.

also along with my manifest list for 2025, i also create a 2025 vision board because it motivates me and reminds me of all the amazing things that im going to experience in 2025.

REFLECTING ON THIS YEAR ;

so in my notion i have a section called the 'monthly digest' where every single month i break down the 4 weeks of the month and everything that i did in them in relation to my goals. after every month i write a little summary.

so with that being said i have a LOT to go back to and reflect on so that i can see what i accomplished this year and what i can do better in the next year. this reflection system that i have is so helpful so i'll set one up for 2025 so that i can also have that at my disposal.

BREAKING UP THE NEXT YEAR ;

i break up my year into 4 quarters (each lasting 3 months) that way i can see my year broken up and i have a clear plan and i can be organized. quarter one (january - march) quarter two (april - june) so on and so forth. and after every quarter i do a little analysis.

something else that i wanna try for next year is giving myself quarterly themes. like for each quarter of the year i'll focus on a different aspect of myself, i think that could be fun…💬🎀

PREPARATIONS ;

im wrapping up some things like my projects, assignments and things of that nature so that i can go into the next year on a clean slate. furthermore im making plans for new years eve, and january and making sure that i've already set some things in motion.

all in all, with everything in motion and everything set in place im going into the new year INCREDIBLY confident 💕📔

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pixie-ass · 2 years ago

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Tim LaFlour x F!Coquette(ish) reader

Readers a girl in his english class, inspired by the scene of him reading Langston Hughes. They're opposites bc I think the opposite aesthetic trope is so damn cute.

I have a lot of ideas for this trope that I'll try to add!

Warnings - none except for fluff with my fav punk!

°•♡•°

Tim was not the best at poetry. Needless to say, english literature wasn't one of his strongest suits. That's why when the professor had assigned a very long, very taunting poetry book along with an analysis, he was fucked. Not only that but he didn't really know anybody in that class to ask for help and he was sure his roommate, Daryl, was as clueless as him.

As class was dismissed and all the students were beginning to leave, Tim packed his stuff up, sighing as he began to think. The class size wasn't big, so as people walked out, he looked around for anyone who seemed helpful, only to catch eyes with a particular girl.

He'd noticed her since the beginning of the semester. She always sat second row on the right and would never talk unless called on. He noticed all her supplies were a light shade of pink, which he thought suited her. She'd always dress with light colors too, very put together. Tim sat in the row behind her a few seats to her left so he'd always find himself zoning out on her, only because she stood out.

“Do you know how to do this?” He'd take his chance and ask her, she seemed so sophisticated taking notes everyday, he was sure she'd know what she was doing. Her eyes widened and she seemed to go from shock, to confusion, to acceptance all in the span of a second. “Yeah, we're just going through the book assigned and analyzing the poems. Pretty easy.” She smiled as she swung her backpack (light pink of course) over her shoulders.

“I got that, but I don't get it, like how we're supposed to analyze. I suck at this class.” She giggled in response, causing Tim's brows to knit in confusion, he couldn't find what was amusing. “It's pretty simple, if you want, I can help you.” She offered him a sweet smile that caused him to smile. He nodded, “Yeah, that'd be awesome! We can work in my dorm.”

She nodded, “I'm y/n by the way.” She offered her hand out for him to shake. He slipped his hand into hers, feeling her soft skin and admiring how well taken care of her nails were. “Tim! Nice to meet ya." He stared into her eyes almost dumbfounded as he shook her hand, a dumb smile plastered on both their faces.

------

A knock on the door startled Daryl as he sat in the living room, tense from the drug effects. Tim opened the door to his dorm, quickly walking over to the front door and opening it, “Hey! Welcome, welcome, you can make yourself right at home. My rooms over here.” Daryl raised a brow as he watched the very opposite girl walk in. Her light clothed and accessories a blinding contrast to everything Tim owned. It was almost comedic.

“We’re gonna be studying, dawg, so don't interrupt so we can get smart.”

“Yeah man, don't worry. You have fun.” He responded, a teasing hint in his tone.

As the girl walked into his room, she couldn't help but look around, admiring all the punk posters and dark themes. She stood out like a sore thumb. Her white sweater, blue jeans, and pink accessories were almost blinding in there. Tim noticed straight away, letting out a small chuckle as he shut the door. “You listen to any of them?” He asked, pointing to his various punk band posters. As expected, she shook her head, “No, haha. They look sick, though.” This caused Tim to smile as she set her bag down on the floor next to his bed. He motioned for her to sit, and she did.

Immediately, she began pulling out the poetry book and some paper. I guess she was here for business. Tim sat down across from her, getting his own stuff out. As she got a paper, she began explaining, Tim nodding in response as he listened. It seemed a hundred times easier to listen to her than the professor. After explanations he began to understand, they'd take turns reading poems out loud, analyzing, highlighting, and annotating what they agreed was important, (though it was mostly Y/n who would point out most and Tim would just agree since she seemed so pleased).

Tim noticed that when she would concentrate she would chew on the end of her pencil, her glossy pink lips attracting him like a moth to light. She had pretty lips and he couldn't help but stare at them, his own mouth seeming to slightly open as he stared until he had to catch himself multiple times.

After about 2 hours of this, they'd finished more than half the assignment, and they were both more than exhausted. It was nearly midnight. Yawning, y/n shut the poetry book, packing her papers into her folder. They hadn't chit chatted a lot, Tim didn't want to interrupt her focus so as they cleaned up Tim spoke up.

“So do you enjoy poetry? You seemed really into all the poems.” Y/n shrugged as she packed away the last of her things, “I guess I do. I like the beauty and emotion put into poems. They're really beautiful if you read them right.” Her response was said in a sleepy tone but was so sincere, Tim found himself feeling a sort of admiration along with a tingling in his stomach.

He smiled at her as she broke out into a yawn again. “You seem tired, we should get to sleep, eh.” He suggested standing up and fixing his bed to rest. She also stood up, stretching her body. “How fars, your dorm? I can walk you. It's pretty late, so I wouldn't want you to get spooked.” She giggled as he said it. Mostly, his tone was what made her laugh.

“It's all across campus, on the other side of the main hall.” His brows raised in concern. “That far? That's like a 10 minute walk.” He knew it wasn't far but she seemed so tired he wasn't sure if she'd even make it, she looked one blink away from knocking over like a leaf in the wind.

“You'd be better off staying here.” She raised a brow at his comment, a frown appearing on her soft face, “I'm not dumb enough to stay in a college guys dorm for the night. If you're thinking what you are, know I'm not the one.” Her sleepy voice was now stern as she headed for the door, her walk telling him that his comment had made her upset.

“Hey, hey. I didn't mean it like that. I promise! I'm on a no sex, drugs, or anything sinful pact so I swear I didn't mean anything that you're thinking.” He raised his arms up in defense, watching as she stopped and turned around, eyeing him.

“I was just saying, since you look so tired. I think it'd be better for you to just sleep here than walk all the way over there.” She stared at him in silence for a few long seconds.

She was only thinking it through so much since she really found Tim to be cute. Ever since she'd laid eyes on him as he walked in through the door mid-lecture, she'd felt her cheeks go pink. Something about the way he looked, or carried himself, or talked, it all fascinated her, and soon enough, she found herself crushing on him like a high school girl.

Sighing, she responded, “Okay, fine. But only because I really am so exhausted.” Tim's face seemed to go from upset to a beaming smile quickly. “Awesome! You can borrow one of my T-shirts if you want. And you can take the bed. I'll take the floor.” He exited the room after tossing a t-shirt onto the bed, leaving her a very flustered and hot mess. Her heart was racing as she lifted up the shirt he'd left for her. It was of a punk band. It smelled just like Tim. She blushed as she put it on. She blushed as she got into Tim's very soft and warm bed, blushed at how sweet it was for him to offer to sleep on the floor.

As she tucked in, Tim knocked, walking in after she answered and smiled down at the view of her covered in his blanket, completely bundled from neck down.

"Thank you for helping me by the way. Learned more from you then the professor, goodnight.”

He shut the lights off, and y/n heard as he shuffled on the floor. Looking down, she saw him lying with a comically small blanket and a decor pillow. Her heart raced in her ears as she decided if she should speak or not.

“You can sleep on the bed, Tim. It's your bed anyway, so I'd feel terrible if you slept on the floor.” She was also pitied by the sight of his tall figure under that poor excuse of a blanket. She heard him shuffle and next thing he was standing.

“You sure? Really, I'm alright sleeping on the good ole floor.” He chuckled.

“Im sure.” She scooted over to the other side, patting the bed. He didn't hesitate even a second as he tucked in beside her, far enough to not make her uncomfortable. As her eyes adjusted, she could begin to make out his silhouette in the dark. That's when she realized how close he really was, and she found a new found heat on her face. She went to cover her head with the blanket as if he could see her reddened cheeks.

“Tim.? You still awake?” She spoke softly under the covers. The soft ruffle of the pillow case sounded, “Yeah. What's up?” He whispered back.

Her hands seemed to tingle along with the butterflies in her stomach. She uncovered herself and moved her body so she could stare at him and him at her, he was already facing her direction though.

“Thank you for letting me stay, I didn't tell you, but it means a lot that you care.” She offered a sleepy smile as she stared into his face. He smiled back, and though she couldn't see it, she could see the outline of his cheeks when he did so.

“It's no biggie. Just the right thing to do. You tell me if you had a pretty girl in your dorm who was tired and lived far away that you wouldn't feel bad if she was alone.” His statement caused her to let out a small giggle into the sheets, which in turn caused her heart to flutter.

She scooted closer to him, not much, not enough to be noticeable in the dark but enough to where she could feel how warm he was, a huge grin spread across her face. "Goodnight, Tim…" Her eyes were far too heavy to keep open now, she shut them, and without a thought cuddled into Tims side causing him to freeze.

He slowly looked down at her, watching the slow rise and fall of her chest, her closed eyes and her features. Gently he wrapped his arm around her, feeling her shift closer to him, his heart ramming against his chest. She was so small in his arms, so warm, he felt himself leaning into her head, resting his head against the top of hers, caressing her back as she slept. He wasn't sure why he was doing this or why he felt so much in his gut.

All he knew was that he was happy, holding her and admiring her. That he was feeling far too much all at once.

He'd have to talk to her about this tomorrow. His emotions would be the death of him.

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somedayillbepeterpan · 10 months ago

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Finally, I am able to continue this series.

I started doing The Butterfly Ball analysis as a way to get it out of my head because it had burrowed deep inside my brain that it was rotting my thoughts (which still hasn't stopped).

To understand my ramblings fully, you can go to the other parts here:

Start here | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Here we go for: PART 5: BLOCKING AND WHERE COLIN WAS WHILE PEN WAS REVEALING HERSELF AS LW

I've decided to chop this part into smaller pieces too because when I started part 5, the whole thing was way too long for my attention span. I really am so sorry about the deluge of thoughts that I have for this scene. I'm half tempted to copy Sammy Bates and create videos but I do not have the same talent that she has. So, you're stuck with me and my barrage of written thoughts.

Anyway, Part 5.1 - The stage layout

We've talked about the shape of the venue. We've talked about the aesthetics of the event. We've talked about clothes. And we've talked about music and dances.

Now, let's get to the nitty-gritty of things. Let's talk about the blocking of the whole scene. To start it off, we have to understand the layout of stage.

Just for context, at one point in my life, I studied cinematography and I love movies so I get keyed up with blocking and camera angle choices.

To give importance to how important this scene is, sweeping/panning shots that is 360 degrees in motion with about 150, maybe 200 people, in one room is a nightmare in logistics. Every shot has to matter and every shot has to be reviewed and set up precisely. Most of the ball scenes takes 1 week to shoot because of how technical it is. There is an interview of Tom Verica talking about plotting the whole scene (I think it was the Vanity Fair one).

The particular weight of this ball is shown in how it's set-up like a centre stage. Even the lighting and the floor design draws your attention inward. Out of the three seasons' Ep 8 balls, this is the only one elevated and without anything disrupting the centre.

I've drafted a diagram to fully understand how the whole stage looks like.

**you guys are allowed to call me crazy after this post.

There are 4 major sides that I will call anchor points as we go around this layout.

Entrance (in between the two bug cages)

Side entrance 1

Side entrance 2

Ostrich feathers

One particular stand out for me are the pillars around the stage. The pillars hides and distinctly divides each of the 4 anchor points. While this might go past a regular viewers' head, someone looking for it (or a crazy person like me) will understand the significance of each anchor point. It helps easily assign people on each side and and use blocking (+ camera shots) as a great storytelling device.

These 4 anchor points become very important when Pen goes on stage.

Because every single one of it stands an important woman in Pen's life.

(going clockwise from the entrance) Anchor point 1: Prudence by the entrance

Anchor point 2: Portia by side entrance 1

Anchor point 3: Philippa (+ Albion) by the Ostrich feathers

and Eloise (next to Fran, Alice Mondrich, and Lady Danbury) right by Anchor point 4: Side entrance 2

I just loved that every time Pen turned around, there was someone for her to look at and ground herself. Because what she did, being vulnerable and exposing that part of herself she has kept hidden for a very long time, couldn't have been easy.

(We will get to Colin after the next post if you're wondering where he is in all of this).

I understand that some people were disappointed in how the LW reveal/fallout was portrayed but just for a while, let me help you appreciate that in Pen's most vulnerable moment, these women had equal parts surprise and awe on their faces as they watch their sister/daughter/best friend own up to her mistakes and face the Queen herself. And while we didn't get much out of them in the aftermath in terms of communication, it was still wonderful to know that in the end, all these women become/is important for Pen to fully embrace who she is.

I'm hoping to put all of these out every 1-2 days so I can finally move on to writing other things.

Next up: Part 5.2 The Queen and the bugs

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pampanope · 9 months ago

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Story time!

The origin of Red11~ posted here because it’s too long for the discord server💀

Emile ([REDACTED]) belongs to @kings-out-of-pocket-hell

Efren|7-11 (here in spirit lol) is mine~

Guest starring Russell Adler✨

——————-

Emile watched his scarred mentor lay flat three manila folders, each of varying thickness. The room was of the sterile variety that Langley as whole was fond of with nothing but the blandest tables and folding chairs.

He leaned forward, eyes filled with unbridled delight. The bland setting did nothing to dampen the excitement bubbling in his chest.

Finally, after years of lectures, rigorous physical conditioning, the marksmanship training, lessons on field craft, torture resistance, and the skepticism from his peers, this is it. No more tagging along on an op, no more hanging back when shit got interesting. His first operation as lead.

As if sensing the glee coursing through him, Adler raised a brow from across the table. The older man tapped at the middle folder to direct Emile’s attention, which, in Emile’s opinion, was completely unnecessary. He‘d never been this locked in.

“I’ve got a job for you,” Adler began. “Something I trust you can handle. We have the location of a suspected terrorist cell, embedded deep inside a mountain, too deep for satellites to confirm. You’re gonna have to go in and get visual and signal confirmation, as well as the layout of the compound.” The man paused, placing a thick folder on the table. It was heftier than the other three. “Here’s the full brief. Memorize it.”

Emile gave the thick brief the barest glance before immediately snapping his eyes back to the first three folders. Yeah, no. That’s not what he’s here for.

Actually, technically, it was what he woke up at the ass crack of dawn for. But it’s not what he wants. Not really.

Adler chuckled beneath his breath. “Fine, I see how it is.”

“‘Course you do. You’ve got me on pins and needles here, old man,” Emile grinned, “don’t keep me in suspense. Gimme.” The blonde crept a hand towards the rightmost folder. It was lightly smacked away by the other man.

Adler pinched the bridge of his in exasperation. “Kid, you’re being assigned an asset. It’s no big deal. This is a standard component of field operations.”

Nope. Adler wasn’t gonna dress this down as something mundane. “Yes, it is...But! Only fully trained intelligence officers get to be Handlers. Which means I am now a fully fledged intel officer. Today I’m getting my government sanctioned Scary Dog privilege. I’m over the fucking moon, sir.”

Adler, for his part, sighed and leaned back in his seat, as if drained by the exchange. He took a long sip of what must be lukewarm coffee, before making a ‘have at it motion’ with his free hand.

Emile snatched the rightmost file his hand had crept towards earlier. Azure eyes scanned every detail, eating up the feast of personal intel before him, all of it laid bare to pick at and examine within the palace of his mind. He sank into the deep concentration he’d adopted for analysis.

Huh. No photos. Not even a name, Emile mused. Must be to eliminate all bias. Relax, Adler. Pretty privilege won’t be a factor here.

The master, meanwhile, silently watched his protege work. He observed the younger man shuffle through page after page, folder to folder, noted which of the dossiers he spent the longest time examining.

Adler had his own guess as to who the younger would pick.

“Well? Your thoughts?” Adler asked after what he felt should’ve been enough time had passed.

Emile blinked, seemingly resurfacing from the depths. He stretched languidly before placing all sheets of paper in their proper folders.

“This is exactly what I imagined choosing my first starter Pokemon would feel like.”

“…I’m gonna pretend I understand what you said for the sake of moving on.”

Emile chuckled. “Heh. Sorry. Couldn’t help it.” He carded a hand through his hair briefly.

“Okay, to start with,” he pushed the file to the left the slightest bit but forward, “this one’s skilled, as expected. Service record’s impeccable and squeaky clean. He’s shiny. Perfect. Boring.” The blonde waves a dismissive hand.

“Boring?” Adler tilted his head, a clear order to elaborate.

Emile tapped at the table in thought. “Boring, as in the guy’s record may be stellar, but his résumé’s full of the basic ‘breach a target building and spray everything with bullets’ kind of work, which I’m sure he’s very good at, but I need more nuance, more variety. I also get the impression subtlety is lost on him and he won’t be finding it anytime soon.”

“Hm. Next?” Adler asked.

Odd. The man would normally needle him for more.

“Right…” Emile eyed the other with suspicion. He pushed the middle file forward. “This one? I hate to say this, it’s such a ridiculous nitpick, but he’s a bit of a yes man. I don’t need or want one. If I happen to fuck up, i need someone to set me straight. Get in my face about it. Everything else about him is great. Really. But…not what I want.”

He was being picky, sure, but he wasn’t gonna leave anything to chance. He needed someone with a spine, someone who won’t let themselves get steamrolled by him.

Again, Adler gave a noncommittal answer, this time a grunt of acknowledgment, and motioned for him to get to the final dossier.

Just like previously, that seemed too easy. Emile began to suspect something was afoot. If it was anyone else sitting before him, alarm bells would’ve been ringing in his head by now; and yes that’s a wild statement considering the reputation of the man before him.

Emile glanced at the final dossier, his right hand splayed wide over it like a possessive spider over captured prey. He’d saved the interesting one for last.

“This one,” Emile pushed the last dossier towards the center after sweeping the rejects aside, “Clearly, like the last two, his record’s fantastic; several successful missions, solo and team, as well as variety in his skillset and experiences. His evals paint him to be a free thinker when necessary yet easily falls into line and can take orders. When you put all this together, this guy pulls ahead of the others by a small margin… ”

“But..?” Adler prompted, shifting forward in his seat.

Although Emile couldn’t see the man’s eyes, shielded behind Oakleys as they were, he felt the heat of them. Years of exposure had never made them any less unsettling.

“I noticed some strikes against him on an otherwise impressive record.” Emiles pulled the relevant page out of the folder. “Guy’s got a record of violent outbursts and—-well, reports of him ripping out two men’s throats. Two. I have questions.”

”Of course you do.” Adler, the bastard, didn’t bother to hide the smugness coloring his voice. “The torn throats happened during a raid two years into his time as a vanilla Marine, very close quarters. He’d been jumped and lost his firearm in the scuffle, but managed to dispatch both—“

“Wait, I’m sorry, ‘both’? As in, within the same instance? He chomped two throats, in a row? Consecutively?!” What the fuck. Why am I fixated on this?

“You’re fixated on this.”

Shit.

“No. Nope. It’s just…impressive is all. Please, continue,” said Emile. He fought off the sudden urge to press a hand against his throat.

The scarred man obviously didn’t fall for his bullshit with how the corner of his mouth was lifted. “The violent outbursts, on the other hand, were actually two separate instances. Well…more like cases than instances,” Adler said.

“Yeah?” Emile asked,leaned closer.

“The first case happened during his early days of basic. A couple of recruits from his cohort thought it would be cute to mess with the moody guy. Repeatedly. Moody guy had enough and sent them to the infirmary.”

Emile let out a low whistle at that. A spine. This was promising. “Nice. And the powers that be at the time didn’t boot him from the Marines?” Honestly, beating the crap out of your bullies screamed devil dog behavior, really on brand of them.

“No need.” Oh. That was a full blown smirk on Adler’s face. Holy shit. “Kid got squared away and humbled by a passing spec ops operator at the behest of a drill instructor. He’s been well behaved and obedient ever since. Mostly.”

Wow. Note to future self: conduct an extensive, invasive background check of this guy’s past. Because he needs more, dammit. And he’s the goddamn CIA now, no need to jump through hoops to unlock someone’s backstory.

“That’s one. What about the second case?” Emile found himself mentally cataloging the gear they’d be needing. Heh. I guess I’ve made my mind up.

Adler downed the last of his, now frigid, coffee before continuing. “The second happened a year into his time as a Force Recon operator. Heard a rumor about a Captain abusing his rank to coerce members of the lower ranks into acts of…that nature.”

The younger scowled. Jesus.

Adler nodded. “Yes, Exactly. Our guy caught this captain in the act with one of his fellow squad mates. From the official reports I’ve read, that officer was absolutely mauled.”

Emile took in a ragged breath. Just what exactly are you gifting me, Adler? Because… “Okay but this time, he had to have been punished severely.”

“Three month’s suspension,” the other man chuckled, “a slap on the wrist. They couldn’t punish our guy in a meaningful way for this, the optics would be terrible. Not to mention the uproar it would cause among the enlisted. But they had to do something.” Adler shrugged. “So, slap on the wrist it was.”

Emile let out a bark of laughter, giddy and light with elation. He took a deep breath, leaned back in his seat, mind warm and fuzzy, and closed his eyes for a moment before speaking.

“I want him. Gimme the spicy one.”

I want him. I want the one who’s gonna literally fight tooth and nail to survive when the odds are stacked against him. I want the one who’s gonna take matters into his violent, vicious hands when a comrade can’t protect themselves. I want all of that for myself. I’ll be the one to hold his leash. I’m gonna point all that teeth and violence at the enemy. He’s dangerous. But screw safe. Safe doesn’t get shit done. It’s why I’m here.

Emile thought of Oscar. He thought of how he’d gladly suffer countless sentences for him if it meant keeping him safe.

“Heh.”

The younger man blinked. ”Eh?” Whoops. He’d been fantasizing about the new murder puppy. In front of Adler. Fuck.

Adler snorted. “Good to know you approve of this one. I won’t have to tell the Marines to cancel all the arrangements made.”

Emile stared down the smug face across the table.

“…You’re a bastard, you know that?” he asked in disbelief. “Why even ask me to go through the others? Did I even have a choice?”

Adler stood, gathering the two rejected folders. “Yes. If you chose any of the other two, I’d have taken care of it. But I know you. You were never gonna take them. I knew you wanted someone who matched you psychologically. But you had to make that decision for yourself.”

Great, Emile thought. His mentor knew him enough to find the right candidate to match his freak. The man should consider matchmaking as a side hustle if the CIA no longer worked out.

“Here,” Adler said, sliding a small photo towards Emile. “A peace offering for bamboozling you. It was fun.”

“Tch. I was not bamboozled.“ Emile muttered. He snatched the offered photo eagerly.

Oh.

Oooh.

Maybe Adler made the right call withholding photos. Impartiality would’ve been thrown out the window.

Pretty, was Emile’s immediate impression. The eyes in the photo were fierce, the hair a non-regulation mess, and a beauty mark sat at the corner of the left eye. Emile then noticed the name scribbled in Adler’s neat handwriting.

Efren Torres Aldrich.

Efren. EfrenEfrenEfren. Heh. Effy. Emile ran a reverent thumb over dark eyes, wondering what they would see once they’ve peered into his own dark blue. He gently tucked the photo into his shirt pocket, a hot brand nestled against his heart.

Adler slid the neglected brief closer to Emile. “Like I said, memorize it. You’ll meet him tomorrow at Langley Air Force base, 0500.” He gathered his empty mug, files tucked under arm, before reaching over to ruffle Emile’s hair. “Don’t scare the poor guy away, kid. I actually put effort into pairing you with someone who’d watch your back.”

Emile let warmth wash over him as he leaned into the affectionate touch. “I make no promises,” he teased. Hm. Would Efren like having a hand in his hair, too?

He felt Adler make his way towards the door as he settled in, ready for hours of reading, careful planning, deciding which insertion points would be the least detectable, which exfil routes were the least hazardous in all that mountain terrain, maybe study a topographical map of the area, and if he needed to make contact with a trustworthy local source to have—

“Emile.”

Deep blue eyes blinked into awareness, mind resurfacing.

“Yeah?”

From the open doorway, Adler gazed at Emile. The man appeared to consider something.

“Good luck out there. Remember…” Adler paused, voice heavy with faint emotion the younger man can’t quite identify, “as handler you’re responsible for the well being and, to an extent, actions of your asset in the field. Call the shots and he’ll follow. Got it?”

Somber and pensive Adler was a rare creature, one Emile wasn’t well versed in dealing with even after years of knowing the man.

“Understood,” Emile said, nodding, matching the other man’s tone.

The mood possessing Adler was gone in an instant. He gave a brusque nod before shutting the door.

I’m gonna steal his jacket when I get back, Emile thought fondly with a chuckle as he went back to reading. And gotta have all my prep finished early enough so that dear Efren won’t have to put up with my sleep deprived whining.

Emile spent the rest of the day quietly poring over mission intel, hand occasionally reaching to cup his throat.

#i did a write!#CIA baby’s first asset #this is for u kings! i loved the sweet vampire7-11 fic!#i kno nothing about how the cia works but i prefer my way better lmaoo #[redacted] ocs #shadow 7 11 (cod oc)#shadow company #call of duty #russell adler #red11

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icaruswasadreamer · 1 year ago

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If We Were Villains: a book review

Or, the power of environmental storytelling, amazing characterization, theatrics and what it does to a STEM student with a passion for the arts

A/N: This is my first time writing a book review, and I decided to make up a little formula for myself to follow for the rest of my reviews. Truthfully, IWWV is not my first book, but it has defintiely inspired me enough to write something for it that isn’t fanfiction so here it is. Feel free to share your thoughts and bring up discussions, as this book is dear to me in many ways and it deserves to be talked about. Do note all of this is my opinion and that is all it will ever be. Hope you enjoy this review/semi-analysis of IWWV that I am less than qualified to talk about, but that is the beauty of self-expression. Please be warned of spoilers which will be marked as to where they Start.

How I was Introduced to the Book

I first learned of the book through booktok. And I know the implications of that statement and the reputation of booktok in the bookish community. I, myself, don’t think too highly of booktok (as it is where all the colleen hoover fans worm about), but I have to admit that it is, by far, one of the best avenues to discover authors and books, no matter the romanticization of reading as a hobby or the misinterpretation of these books. Truthfully, without booktok, I would not have asked my friend to buy me a copy of If We Were Villains for my birthday and I wouldn’t be enamoured by its narrations and characters as I am right now. There was a specific tiktoker that I followed for the fact that they have read a lot of dark academia books – which is a genre that I’m getting into right now! If We Were Villains was introduced to me as a really great book with a lot of twists and turns, and I went into it with that expectation.

The Book Itself in My Own Words

Imagine that one picture that comes up whenever you search “dark academia aesthetic” on pinterest. There is a manor at the far end of the photo, distant and castle-like. Vines and greenery cling to it as if it were the old cobblestone shrine of a forest God and its windows are hauntingly grey with dust as if it were lived in by no one except ghosts. You are only outside looking in, and there is no scene you can manage from the manor. What you can observe, however is a lake. It reflects the greyish bluish white sky above it and it does not move against the life, the nature that surrounds it. It is ever present and everlastingly still; ultimately very boring to the people who spare it a glance, but go beyond depths you and I can comprehend or imagine. Think of that image, but in book form. Oh and add several other complicated things in it too, just for flavor.

If We Were Villains by M. L. Rio is a hauntingly, tragic mystery about 7 friends who made the mistake of being gay theatre kids. It’s the found family trope in reverse as you watch as their life fall apart in the incident of a murder that no one is really sure who did. We follow Oliver Marks, essentially the main character and the narrator of the story as he describes what his life is like and how it’s about to be ruined because some guy was too petty to accept that he isn’t always the star of the show. Watch the 6 of them go through the motion, pretending everything is fine and that they’re all not mentally ill in some way while quoting shakespeare that no normal person does.

As sarcastic as I sound, it is genuinely a wonderful, captivating story about grief, friendship and art. Everything is so complicated (in a good way) and you’re not really sure what to feel about all of it, but at the same time, you stay for the ride because the feelings are worth it, just to see this show to the end just so these characters can reach their epilogue finally. The way I would describe it is imagine all those reading assignments and book reports you had to do in your english class about a sonnet or play, then mix it with all the gay fanfiction one would read in the witching hours of 3 am as you sob quietly to yourself because you know your ship will never be canon. It is a culmination of these two things, and it’s awesome.

First Impressions/Last Impressions

I struggled with getting through Act I of IWWV. And I do genuinely believe that this was not at all the fault of the author or the story as the set up was interesting and mysterious and curious enough for me to get hooked. It just so happened that the fish was uninterested and busy with other things that I did not get into immediately as I would have hoped. Despite this – and after several months of not reading – I managed to pick up the book again and return to where I left off.

Perhaps it was the fact that there was a large gap of me not reading IWWV and then the sudden bolt of me reading it religious explains why I found the first parts of IWWV quite slow. I do recognize this as a part of the set up and exposition of the book and was entirely necessary for the emotional impact that it would give me by the end, but prowling through those first few chapters was hard as someone with a short attention span and have several hobbies aside from reading and writing.

But now, after almost a year of trying to finish this book properly, I have to say that I am wrecked and I will never be the same again. I thought I was going to hate the endng, truthfully, as its implications was bleak and somehow, undermines the efforts of its characters. But, the epilogue had me pleasantly surprised and relieved, that I would have to say that the ending was exactly my cup of tea. I’m still not sure on where I stand with happy endings or tragic endings, but I do in fact love open endings – endings left to interpretation, the kinds that will make you tear your hair out because where is the rest of it? Why is the book just- done? And here is where fanfiction comes to play, my friend.

The journey has been a journey, and I definitely have to say that I have learned a lot from this book and that it was easy to fall in love with the book despite the rough beginning.

//SPOILERS START HERE//

How I fell in Love with It

The atmosphere IWWV gave me which was extremely immersive and can only be described as delightfully haunting. It is peak gray – and gay – atmosphere that I really enjoyed as it felt like the right amount of theatrics to not be too dramatic and satirical. Something also surprising is the fact that it is oddly humorous despite being a book about murder, shakespeare and what makes a tragedy. Actually, considering it is inspired by shakespeare, the humorous aspect is not so surprising if you take into account some shakespeare being pretty absurd as it is. The unironic things these characters do like randomly quote shakespeare out of nowhere is so pretentiously funny, but also contributes well to what the book is going for.

As unnatural as that would be for like a normal person, because Oliver and his friends are so deep into the shakespeare of their classes, they make it feel natural and you get used to that as the story progresses. Oliver had a really good justification for this which he explains to Colbourne in a way that I truly resonate with. This book, as well as the characters, are so in love with Shakespeare’s words that it’s hard to not find yourself enamoured by it to. I love the way they describe taking art like this as I feel, as an artist and creative, that this is an artist’s ulttimate purpose. To capture the things that cannot be said properly through ordinary words, and to encapsulate those moments of heightened emotion and feeling. Any piece of art is an attempt to reanimate emotion, and we use art to deliver those emotions that we, ourselves, cannot fully comprehend.

This is what I love about this book, aside from its brilliant storytelling and interesting and raw characters. It feels like it was made with the intention of appreciation for art, and I really respect that as art means so much to me. This book is art and it is about art as much as it is about this specific friend group dealing with whatever just happened, and I really really love and appreciate that about this book.

Strong Points/What I learned from It as a Writer

IWWV is genuinely a master class in environmental storytelling. The Castle, where everyone stays at during their time in Dellecher is the most effective use of environment I’ve seen in a book (which I’m sure there’s more, I just haven’t read it yet in which I will at some point). The way the castle has a place for everyone, and the scene wherein Oliver is seen cleaning the different rooms of the Castle goes to show the amount of detail the author puts into each little cranny of their descriptions of the Castle. One specific detail I remember was in Richard’s room where a chess board was described with one horseman toppled over and another missing. I may be tweaking, but that might just imply something about story. Aside from the environments, IWWV also makes good use of its inspiration material which is shakespeare.

I definitely should have gone into IWWV with some knowledge of shakespeare and I would encourage anyone who wish to read IWWV to read at least one shakespear book, because I didnt and I am incredible lost on how IWWV uses those narratives of Shakespeare’s plays to reference its own tragedy and characters and I am extremely upset that I didn’t get to experience that other narrative of the what the play were trying to tell the reader. But of course, you don’t have to have a background in theatre or shakespeare to read IWWV. It would extremely as they constantly quote shakespeare and if you don’t know what those quotes mean, you will get lost at some point, but you can manage through it (as I said, the book does well with these quotes that it starts feeling natural enough that you, too, would start to make sense of these quotes even if you would struggle at first). But, from what I have heard from people who have read the book and Shakespeare, the plays do reference and foreshadow the story within IWWV.

The play Ceasar directly reference how Richard is going to die and who’s going to kill him. Like Richard is the modern Julias Ceasar, he is someone who has caused tyranny in their group of friends and provoked James to hit him on the head which led to his friends eventually leaving him for dead. I still struggle sometimes with that betrayal because in truth, Richard was their friend for 3 years and then they’re just gonna throw him away like that? I think it’s just how I view friendship, but to be fair I don’t like Richard enough to be angry that he died. And that’s a good way of utilizing source material! Because who killed Ceasar if not his most intimate of friends.

This is kind of like Chekhov’s gun in a way except we’re talking about multiple guns and you’re in a gun shop and the fact that the guns are constantly being fired. Everytime the environment is being described, it doesn’t get boring or go into super great detail. I’m always seated for those descriptions of the environment because at some point one very specific detail will mean something to the story more than you expect it would. Otherwise, it contributes to the atmosphere and helps you feel incredibly immersive. I think much of what I read are heavily character-driven (which isn’t a bad thing!) and IWWV is also heavily character-driven in terms of plot, but it uses its environment well. Like it exists and isn’t just an extension of the actors themselves, but it doesn’t just exist as a setting, it exists as a plot device. A carefully crafted set for a performance. IWWV was a wonderful case study for me to be able to spot those little details in the environment and try my hand in interpreting what they mean, like a detective looking for clues – which is very fitting!

Characters and characterization was also very good in IWWV. Every character was equally flawed and all of their actions warrant a “What the actual fuck?” from me. The amazing thing about IWWV is that despite its title, none of these characters are bad people, just very flawed with poor decision-making skills. Even Richard, I would argue, is still a gray character despite being an asshole! It was entirely his fault for becoming needlessly petty and aggressive towards his friends, but I don’t really think that undermines their 3 years of friendship together. I genuinely believe that Richard was just a guy with a big ego that was too fragile for his own good and he did really dumb and shitty stuff about that. He isn’t your 2D Villain, because his actions were triggered by the event of something – being casted as someone that wasn’t the main focus of the play. And his friends and the reader have in their every right to be angry at Richard for the shit he’s done, but you have to admit he wasn’t always like that. He changed and that is the most admirable thing about the character writing in IWWV.

Everyone is very dynamic, but not too drastic for it to be jarring. They fit well together despite having contrasting personalities and all of them have something going on in terms of their personal life. It’s a shame we don’t exactly see ther perspectives as we are limited to Oliver’s narration, but we do get glimpses of it and I believe that is enough for the characters to feel real. My favorite character, Filippa, is the most mysterious one from the group in terms of backstory, but I know enough that she is willing to do everything – even hide a murder – just to protect her friends, her family, probably because she doesn’t have one of her own in more ways than one. And I got that from a single line that she said to Oliver when he asked why she hid the fact James did it.

“You all were the only family I had. I’d have killed Richard myself if I thought it would keep the rest of you safe. [...] I was terrified you’d do exactly what you did.”

Each main character of IWWV have their own tragedy to their character which is rooted upon the “type” of character they are in the beginning of the story. They all both defy and fit perfectly in their own roles in the narrative and that is their tragedy. Oliver is the sidekick who became the center of attention by his arrest, James is a hero who murdered a friend, Richard is a dead tyrant, Meredith is a temptress who wishes she was seen as anything but, Wren is the broken and frankly, no longer as innocent as she ought to be ingenue, and Alexander is the villain with good intentions. Filippa is the curious case as she does not have set role, this does not excuse her from being tragic, but it does makes sense how she is the only able to stay relatively stable throughout the story. In the very beginning we were already told of what tragedy these characters would have and it is all connected to their role in a stereotypical narrative, how they are type-casted in their plays.

I would go into each of the characters and their own personal tragedies and flaws, but that would be really long, so I won’t. But these characters and the play on the type-casting of these actors are perfectly executed. I would like to cite James’ arc for this as he is described as being the hero, but slowly, as we see how he and everyone else copes with Richard’s death and how he gets casted into the villain role, we saw how this changes him and how his archetype of being the hero slowly crumbles to make way for a darker James filled with immense amount of guilt that only perpetuates with Oliver’s arrest. We see how it breaks him as his hero persona is no longer his. He takes up the role of the villain, and that kills him because he was never meant to play that role. Everything about him screams hero and I think he himself believed that, so his sense of self crumbles away as it is slowly revealed that he is in fact, the villain of this story. And yet, what makes him the villain is still technically a heroic act. He killed a tyrant after all. And that is just hella clever.

IWWV almost reads as really complicated fairytale if you think of it as these characters as the archetypes of their roles. It is definitely the most fascinating and creative way of character writing I’ve ever seen and that is a feat on its own. It follows a formula, yet it defies the routinely-ness of that, the audience can understand what’s going on like in the middle of the book and I think that serves well in this scenario because now, it’s only a matter of dread and waiting for the final act to commence. I never felt like I was reading an intermission in any parts of it as everything, both character and environment, serve the plot really well.

Criticisms/Pet Peeves

But of course, despite all my praise, this book is not free of the criticisms and I did feel frustration for some parts of it whether it was good or bad frustration. It’s not a perfect book and I have a few gripes with it.

The way it treats Meredith and Wren specifically is appalling. It, sadly, goes into that really bad trope in some queer books of the women getting in the way of the men hooking up. I really feel bad for these women because, even if they still have their own things going on and they are able to be their own characters, they somehow become extensions of the men that they are involved with, and everytime, it is extremely unfair.

I’ll just say it, Oliver is just using Meredith to forget about James. I don’t doubt he loves her or doesn’t think of her as attractive because he does, but there is an aspect to their relationship that they both don’t deny is really connected to Oliver’s and James’ relationship. This is a flaw of Oliver’s character that I don’t like because it’s so unfair for Meredith and the way they started their relationship is also kind of dubious? I mean, Meredith went for Oliver not only because he was “nice”, she also went for him because he was the only one available and the complete opposite of Richard. Meredith had no interest in Oliver in the first few scenes of this book and Oliver also didn’t really think of her much because she was already with Richard, but he couldn’t deny she was pretty. I just don’t like the implications of their relationship to Meredith’s character and her struggle with objectification and her constantly being sexualized by the men around her. I know Oliver wouldn’t do that, but at the end of the day, isn’t he just using her?

I desperately want to believe in their love and I do! But it gets so bad when you mix in James because suddenly, Meredith no longer exist to Oliver. He literally went to jail for the guy, of course, his love for James isn’t equal in any way to his love for Meredith. I also just don’t agree with how the ending has Oliver and Meredith together only for Oliver to essentially leave Meredith because he finds out that James might still be alive. He admits that he was still in love with James! I understand that polyamorous relationships are a thing, but clearly Oliver has shown to be neglecting of Meredith whenever James comes to his peripheral vision! I just think that, maybe, Meredith deserves better than how Oliver is treating her.

And god, don’t get me started on James and Wren. They, frankly, came out of nowhere! I think its because we are limited to Oliver’s perspective so we don’t see how their relationship developed and how their dynamic would go. I do see that James cares much for Wren and vice-versa and that they could totally work, but god, when you mix Oliver into it, Wren just doesn’t exist. I am extremely upset about the part where James gets incredibly drunk and then drags Wren to sleep with him for the same reasons Oliver sleeps with Meredith! And I hate it.

It’s very messy, and very well-written and very in-character, but god the implications. The way these women are being treated in the relationship drama is just to serve the men’s own relationship and how they totally belong to each other, but somehow they’re not together and they have to stay with the women and it’s really messy and Oliver is a disaster bisexual. Maybe I just don’t like love triangles or love squares, but this is just a prime example why you shouldn’t date someone in the same friend group. It’s messy and sometimes, I debate with myself if it was necessary. Either way, it happened and I can’t do anything about that.

Overall Thoughts/Scoring

I have a lot of thoughts about IWWV and the book itself has a lot of themes and messages that really struck me. One thing that I really liked about IWWV as an aroace-spectrum person is the friend group’s relationship because despite all the tragedy around them, they manage to be really wholesome and there examples there of platonic intimacy that I don’t usually get to see in books. I love how Oliver and Filippa are essentially like siblings with how they are always there for each other and Filippa is always looking out for him and their other friends. I love the brotherly relationship between Oliver and Alexander. And despite my gripes, there are moments in Oliver’s and Meredith’s relationship that remind me that they were friends first and lovers second, and I really appreciate that.

I didn’t mention Oliver’s and James’ relationship as much because I’m pretty sure that’s what you would expect for me to say. It’s a good relationship, I like it since I’ve always been a fan of that kind of dynamic where they transcend the meaning of best friends, they’re gay essentially, but they are also each other’s person and their intimacy is beyond physical. I’m just describing sexual/romantic tension here but everytime they are in screen together, you just know that they are looking at each other with so much emotion. And of course, what Oliver did for James was incredibly stupid, but also just states what James is to Oliver. And it’s really codependent, don’t get me wrong, but it’s a kind of love that makes you feel thing.

I also would like to comment on how it tackles grief and guilt as those are major themes in the story. I appreciate how despite being dead, Richard is still ever-present in Oliver’s mind and everyone else’s that no one even bothers to go to his room aside from Oliver who just has to because he has to clean it. Guilt haunts everyone in If We Were Villains and I feel for that, especially when it comes to grief. It captures perfectly what mourning for someone who did some really bad stuff to you is like with the added guilt that you somehow contributed to his death. And it’s cruel how these people just have to deal with that major change; nothing is ever the same when someone dies and we can’t do anything about it. The show must go on, unfortunately. And that’s what happens to these characters, on or off the stage, life will continue with or without them and they have to go with out, otherwise they might end up drowning in their own misery. I think that is much the moral we can find in IWW, if it even has one.

//SPOILERS END HERE//

My scoring would be an 8/10. It’s really good and I recommend it to anyone who’s a fan of shakespeare or really into dark academia. I wouldn’t say it would be the best introduction book for this genre, but it got me into it so maybe it could work for you too!

#if we were villains #iwwv #if we were villains spoilers #booklr #bookish #book review #book recommendation #iwwv spoilers #this was 7 pages in my gdocs #writer things

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rubberpuckies · 3 months ago

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THIS TIME IM REALLY GONNA DO IT

ok well good news first i finally heard back from the psych office and i have dates for an evaluation in mid april YAY. and i qualified for the discount :) my worst fear is theyre going to tell me nothing is wrong with me and im never gonna get medicated and im going to suffer through the rest of school with no answers (: but at least i have something after years of not knowing if id ever even be able to get an assessment scheduled

i hate this semester so much does anyone know how to feel like a human who is alive during the semester... im going through the motions just barely and i dont notice time passing except through classes and assignments but that must be normal hahaha.... i have a horrible evil data analysis project for european studies (worst class ive ever taken i hate it so much i miss my middle eastern studies professors more than anything idec if their workloads were insane at least the material was interesting and i learned things) . i told my professor i didnt know where to start with making a hypothesis to start the project and he was like ok so just choose somethign youre interested in. whats your region i forgot? and im like oh the middle east and north africa. and hes like and why do you like it? and i go well my focus is on studying the language and culture and hes like hm. i guess you dont necessarily have to be interested in the topic you choose for this project. VERY HELPFUL THANKS! anyway it's due in 6 hours and i havent started yet. KMS KMS KMS x1000000 . also every single classmate ive talked to ALSO has no idea what theyre doing

AND!!!!! for my linguistic anthropology class i need a set of field notes + a recording of conversation + a transcript by tuesday and i tried to do it today but NOTHING HAPPENED because hardly anyone was hanging out in the lounge i do it in so that means i need to cram the entire thing on monday and if i dont get what i need then fuck me i GUESS. FML!!!!!

#m.txt

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magpigment · 2 years ago

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MAJOR, MAJOR SPOILERS FOR GENLOSS EPISODE: THE CHOICE

hello! these are my reactions and thoughts as i watched the third, and final, part of generation loss! not really an analysis, tho it does have some of my theories that were developed as i was watching. enjoy i suppose, lol

ok this is dope opening footage

who the hell is the mask person just walking around??? why are they in a mall??? hello???

does mask persons mask have the showfall symbol on it because i genuinely can’t tell lmao

ENHANCE

ok well it’s still just as blurry as before because like. obviously. but i’m almost positive their mask DOES have the showfall symbol on it. cool 😎

why are there so many mask people actually

are they like. guards?? is this fnaf: security breach??? thas crazy lmao

why was that one wearing a fedora 😂

also this dynamic camera shot is low key making me motion sick lmao, even if it is super cool

that’s a super helpful directory right there yep!

ah yes, the smoke gala, my favorite

why did that one showfall symbol on the glass look like it was painted in blood or something and how did they get it so neat. did they paint it on w a stencil using blood instead of paint. i need answers

oop hello ranboo

ok finally ranboo took off the bundle of like wires or paper clips or whatever that was dangling from their neck, i was wondering what that was lol

ohhhh ranboo trying to talk to the person filming is super cool

who the hell is talking to them rn lmao

hello hacker guy

his name is HEDGE?? did i mishear that

ok so i was right! when the mask is glowing red it means he’s being controlled

also i didn’t even know ranboo here was able to take off their mask. i thought it was like. attached to them or something.

ok i’m genuinely like on the edge of my seat lol

oooof ranboo is finally realizing that the people who died are like actually dead! yikes lmao

those are some pretty good effects for the blood tho like that looked pretty real all things considered. or like it’s the right color more or less

aaaaaand there’s the grappling with morals and survivors guilt and trying to reconcile being under someone else’s control while simultaneously realizing that the things you did while under said control was at least somewhat responsible for like, what, four? at least? people’s deaths!

….i feel like hedge or whatever he’s called is like for sure lying. i mean i know at least some of the people are in some capacity still alive but ALSO. i feel like he’s lying to ranboo to keep him from just leaving lmao. also i feel like that exit door prolly wouldn’t have worked anyway so whatever

this is such a cool setting btw, the amount of work that must’ve gone into this is insane. and also the soundtrack is phenomenal

i’m like super sus on this hacker guy lmao

UHHH YEAH I AGREE WHAT IS THAT???

‘it’s locked up, it’s secure, don’t worry about it ^^’ homeslice that thing is behind the least secure covering i’ve seen in my life. that thing looked flimsy as hell

i feel like this hacker might not know what he’s doing

i did not catch any of what that hacker said he needed, in one ear and out the other

‘..are these people, or machines, or-‘ uhhh i think the answer to that is YES.

i feel like i’m about to get jumpscared lmao

i feel like these guys won’t be ‘pretty much harmless’ in a bit tee hee

ranboo sure is going through it huh

‘how long have i been here’ i’m not sure you’ve ever left, buddy.

also, showfall SET UP MISSING POSTERS for ranboo on the OFF CHANCE HE ESCAPED??? BRUH. absolutely bizarre behavior

the fucking whiteboard in the corner with basically the plot of the series so far 😂

‘DAY 2 PLAN!!

-puzzle

-electric chair

-audience will chose

two plus two equals five

-black light closet

decoy “planned case of death” ‘

along w a couple doodles and some other stuff i couldn’t quite make out so that’s cool lol

ranboo is ahac- assigned hero at construction

i’m like convinced gl!ranboo is not like a full flesh and blood human being, homeslice is a lab baby for sure

oh there’s a day one plan whiteboard too but it wasn’t completely shown

imagine being payed to sit in a room completely still for however long lmao

did one of the people standing in the window leave?? 😂

oh that’s such a cool way to incorporate the viewer interaction or whatever again, with the hacker intentionally seeking them out for their input and ranboo being completely against it because ‘they might try to kill me’. i’m not gonna say it’s foreshadowing, BUT- it’s like for sure foreshadowing not a doubt about it lmao

lmao ranboo this is why you always listen to chat, they’re always right without fail /j

but honestly the audience hasn’t steered him wrong so far for the most part, at least for like the puzzles and stuff

oop bye hacker

oh he’s called hetch (?)

oop the people are moving around now that’s ominous

oh god the security

welp :D

that’s not good ^^

I CAN HEAR CHARLIE JN THE BACKGROUND MY BOY WHERE ARE YOU

i admire those people’s ability to just completely not break character to this tall person running up to them and desperately trying to get their attention lmao

the headphones probably help lol

ok what the actual hell is charlie literallt even saying right now 😂

the amount of times i’ve said that should be concerning but honestly i’m just resigned to it at this point. that’s my streamer 💔

sup my dude lmao

LMAO RANBOO JUST BREAKING CHARLIES CAMERA 😂

charlie sounds so fucking confused and sad nooo

ok genuinely i do not understand how the puzzler died AT ALL. literally what even happened there

i can’t get over how much taller ranboo is than charlie, charlie looks itty bitty but he could also just straight up deck me so i’m getting mixed signals here XD

charlie is such a good actor i’m losing my mind

that is a very big mall lmao

i like just noticed that piercing alarm noise ouch my ears

SUBA hell yeah

ah yes, jake’s, my favorite store

i’m surprised they actually found a functioning directory

oop. that’s a corpse

OOP THATS A SPOOKSTER YIKES RUN RUN RUN RUN LMAO

i should not be watching this at like 2am lmao

du du du du minecraft minehunt that’s crazy

CHARLIE PARKOUR AWAY I BELIEVE IN YOU XD

charlie has an axe what will he do

ranboo with a knife what will they do

(im pretty sure i know what they’ll do with that knife 😅)

charlie has died a lot yeah lmao

charlie w a frying pan what will he do XD

yeahhhhh i had a feeling they wouldn’t just be able to leave lol

that cameraman got moves tho lmao, mad respect

oof running up stairs, ouch

‘OH WHY DIDNT GOD GIVE ME LONGER LEGS’ mood, charlie, mood

yeah i’m sure they’ll be able to emotionally process this later lmao

oop hacker is dead

oop never mind yikes

…yeah it’s just a flesh wound i’m sure he’ll be fine 😅

that dye is not gonna wash out of that guys hand easily yikes. fake blood can be a bitch to get out of things lmao

ALSO I WAS RIGHT, ranboo and charlie and all the others aren’t actual humans technically!

diversity win! you and your friends are artificially created humanoids designed to play a role in horrific death games for the mundane entertainment of a faceless audience!

ok so the hacker is called hetch? cool

i’m also like mostly certain that the hacker is grizzly im pretty sure. maybe. i’m not great w voices i’ll be honest lol

oop. ranboos just committed a murder lmao

baby’s first kill in cold blood, i’m so proud 🥰 /j

charlie looks awfully blasé about the stabbing that occurred right in front of him

THE LOOK HE GAVE RANBOO XD

why’d ranboo ditch the knife bro they might need that later :(

goddd the soundtrack is literally so good tho

OH THATS WHY RANBOO SAID THAT THERE WAS A WEIRD PAINTINF, I WAS RIGHT, IT WAS IN REFERENCE TO SEEING ‘the fourth wall’, THATS SO COOL

oop bye bye charlie 😭

i feel like homeboys about to get eviscerated and like actually disemboweled this time

omegalul 😂

RANBOO GET THE BUTTON GET THE BUTTON GEY THE BUTTON

HELL YEAH

NEVERMIND

THIS PROBABLT ISNT GOOD 😅

uhhhh sup buddies tee hee

oh they’ve stopped moving that’s good

conveniently placed button

i mean not convenient enough i guess cuz like charlie is currently bleeding out or something but THATS BESIDES RHE POINT

i’ve almost managed to convince myself this has like a somewhat happy ending

aaaaaand never mind

the way my stomach genuinely fucking DROPPED when i saw that guy appear in the doorway immediately after ranboo bowed jesus christ my heart

i reiterate i absolutely should NOT be watching this at 2am yet my hubris knows no bounds

and also now my cat is meowing at my door bruhhh stop ruining the ending of this for me, max /j

the immeasurable dread in my gut right now, yall 😅

bye bye ranboo 👋

BOXED LIKE A FISH RANBOOS BOXED LIKE A FIS- *gets shot*

i fucking KNEW hetch was a goddamn bootlicker!!

fuck you hetch!!!

oh oof what happened to their mask :(

i knew this goddamn audience interactive element was gonna bite me in the ass jesus christ

ranboo is fucking stellar at acting which is why i can safely say i am in absolute goddamn shock!

oh homeslice is just straight up crucified wow

i wonder if there was any alternate ending or if the vote was precast to always end the way it did. because i know how this ends, and it is not a happy ending. i don’t think there was ever any way it COULDVE been a happy ending. this was always a tragedy, and the hero is always doomed by the narrative

oh just the abrupt and complete SILENCE upon the box closing, before it slowly zooms out and the theme fades in and swells as the blood drips down from the box??? holy shit that’s so fucking cool

the way this entire thing was directed and performed is a goddamn masterpiece, this was phenomenal and an absolute blast all the way through!!! i’m so so so glad i watched this and i so so so wish i had watched it earlier

i’m in shock y’all that was so cool

this is definitely going on my list of all time favorite pieces of horror media!! mannnn that was done so unbelievably well i’m absolutely blown away!!

i can’t wait to just lose my mind about this for the next like. forever i suppose

i can’t wait to analyze this dude i’m so excited!!!!!!!

#dandy talks #genloss #generation loss spoilers #generation loss #genloss ranboo #genloss slimecicle #genloss charlie #generation loss slimecicle #generation loss ranboo

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typeface-tamasha1207 · 2 months ago

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Build a brand and its brand manual

For this assignment we were given a list of categories of which we were askes to pick one category and build a brand.

The list of categories were:

Eco-Friendly Product Brand

Fictional Café or Restaurant

Automobile Company

Space Travel Agency

Time Travel Café

Indigenous Art & Culture Brand

Fashion and Accessories

Pet Accessories Brand

Of these categories, I chose to conceptualize a fictional brand in the Space Travel Agency category. This brand was developed as a luxury, futuristic space travel agency offering exclusive, life-defining experiences to pioneers, leaders, and visionaries who are shaping the future of the world and beyond.

The goal was not only to design a travel service but to create a narrative and legacy — where the journey itself becomes transformational. With this in mind, I envisioned Aphelion as a brand that blends science with aspiration, and experience with exclusivity. Every detail — from the brand identity to the tone of voice — was designed to reflect elegance, intelligence, and a futuristic spirit.

After doing thorough research, I made a PowerPoint presentation that includes the basic information of the brand, its vision and mission, brand voice, personality, tone, style, the target audience, brand architecture, swot analysis , Maslow's laws, pestel analysis, experience mapping, journey mapping, brand touchpoints and possible collaterals and a rough hypothetical itenary of a trip.

The powerpoint presentation is as follows-

After all the research, i headed to find a name for the brand.

I chose the name 'Aphelion'.

The term “aphelion” refers to the point in a planet’s orbit farthest from the sun — a poetic representation of pushing boundaries and reaching beyond the known. This name aligned well with the vision and personality of my brand.

I then started making a variety of logo iterations. Some of those include-

The final logo i decided to take forward was-

Of all the logo iterations, I chose this version because it best captures the essence of Aphelion — a journey to the farthest point. The diffused sphere evokes a celestial body, while the curved line suggests orbit and motion. Its minimal, elegant design balances science with imagination, aligning perfectly with the brand’s futuristic and aspirational tone.

Once the logo and tagline — “The farthest you’ve ever been” — were finalized, I focused on developing a color palette that would visually anchor Aphelion's brand identity. The final logo with the tagline is-

After i finalized the logo, I decided the primary and secondary colours based on the brands personality, values, tone and style.

The dark slate (#212529) and soft ash (#E0E1DD) form the primary palette, reflecting the vast unknown of space and the quiet elegance of distance.

For the secondary set, I selected a cosmic purple, deep space blue, and pale sky cyan — each evoking mystery, depth, and serenity. Together, these hues balance imagination and credibility, aligning with Aphelion’s futuristic, aspirational tone while remaining grounded in a sense of calm exploration.

I also developed a motion graphics video that visually represents the core idea of Aphelion. The animation features countless particles drifting through space, gradually converging to form the logo — symbolizing unity, momentum, and the vast collaboration behind space exploration. This not only reinforces the brand’s cosmic identity but also reflects the tagline, “The farthest you’ve ever been”, through a sense of emergence, scale, and wonder.

After establishing the core elements of the brand — including the logo, tagline, colour palette, typography, and motion identity — I designed a cohesive set of brand collaterals and mockups.

The brand collaterals and mockups for the same are-

These collaterals visually express the brand across multiple touchpoints and are carefully documented in the comprehensive brand manual. The manual brings everything together, ensuring consistency, clarity, and a unified vision for Aphelion.

The brand manual is as follows-

Through this course, I gained a deeper understanding of the branding process — from conceptualizing a brand identity to building a complete visual system. I learned how to translate abstract ideas into strong visual elements like logos, colour palettes, typography, and motion design.

I also developed practical skills in creating brand collaterals and presenting them cohesively in a brand manual. Most importantly, I understood the value of storytelling in design and how every brand element should work together to communicate a clear and consistent narrative.

#graphic design #typography #branding #animation #graphic art

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mariamga2024mi4017 · 1 year ago

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Presentation - Groups

02/07/2024

For the semester 2 group movie presentation, these are my group members!

Minuthi

Thameena

Maria (Me :D)

This is a list of the classes we will be having for future references.

Today we will have to get into our assigned groups and figure out are movie choice for analysis/brainstorm session.

Q What should we brainstorm about?

comparative analysis of a film and its source text.

Avoid picking a film that is made in the same country and during a short year apart.

2 texts and do a brainstorming session on films we have watched.

e.g. Matilda the book vs the movie, Alice in Wonderland versions, live-action Disney films, and the animated ones, check the brief.

Form and content (Content fills into the form) - original form? new form? How has the story changed? flexibility?

cross-examine the plot synopsis

Brainstorming session with Thamee and Minuthi -

Movie list -

Jurassic Park

Coraline

Chronicles of Narnia

Harry Potter

Roald Dahl's books - Matilda, Charlie, and the Chocolate Factory, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The BFG, James and the giant peach.

We created a brainstorming board on Miro to write down our ideas!

The link is down below!

My research -

These are the links to the articles I came across for the research!

Differences between the Coraline Novel and the film

2. Coraline Themes

3. Coraline Summery

Minuthi's research -

Thameena's Research -

Over look at our Mind Mapping!

Irushi's feedback from our group one-on-one session!

......

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amandi-mga2024mi5019 · 1 year ago

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Class Assignment - Motion Graphics and Visual Language

Pick a title sequence from Art of Title. Analyse the visual elements within the title sequence.

Create a board and presentation of this analysis.

Monsters Inc Title Sequence

The first ever 2D sequence for a Pixar film.

The main gateway between the monster world and human world are the doors. Title Designer Geefwee Boedoe wanted to focus on this aspect of the title sequence. The sequence is simple, but brimming with vibrance and colour.

The music for the title sequence was composed by Randy Newman.

The sequence was inspired by title sequences of live action movies in the '50s and '60s, such as the very famous The Pink Panther (1963) title sequence.

The sequence uses a mid-century modern graphic art style, making it appear slick, upbeat, and lighthearted. This sets the tone for the rest of the film, which is a family friendly comedy.

Geefwee worked in many aspects of the pre-production process that informed how he designed the title sequence - "I worked on that film doing all kinds of pre-production designing. I did story work, I did design work, I did both character designs and environment designs, and then overseeing and designing the title sequence. I often would do storyboards as well."

The entire sequence was made using paper. Geefwee was a traditional artist, and as such was used to physically drawing, painting, cutting, and gluing his pieces together. He used this experience as inspiration to make the sequence more stylised and graphic - "I never used a computer. I did all my stuff traditionally. I did drawings, I painted, I would cut out stuff in paper and glue it."

He made scans of pencil-drawn cut out paper doors and monsters in black and white. Then, using Photoshop and After Effects they coloured and animated everything.

The title sequence was made back during the pre-production process, when they were planning on making the film much more stylised and whacky than it ended up being.

However, they decided to keep the title sequence because it provided a much needed segue into the dark opening for such a fun and upbeat movie. This was especially seen as necessary due to the issue of the opening possibly scaring its young target audience. Test audiences for the film were reported to be "shutting down" and viewing the film as something dark and creepy due to its false tone opening.

The title sequence was used as the device to set the initial tone of the film for its young viewers, so that they feel more relaxed going into the opening.

This is further emphasised through the music they used for the sequence. Newman used temp-jazz music that he re-orchestrated for a small jazz ensemble. Furthermore, the piece was sped up to make it feel more cheerful.

The movements of the doors and monsters also illustrated this - they moved quickly and sporadically; zipping to and fro across the screen. This is all used to create that upbeat and lively tone.

The opening already sets up the worldbuilding for us as well, introducing us to the concept of this monster world that can only be reached through doors.

The sequence also takes care to feature only monsters and no humans. This gives us a narrative clue of who and what the film will be centered on: the monsters who live in this monster world.

Staying true to the midcentury modern aesthetic, the sequence is filled with vibrant colours, geometric forms, and hard, rough edges. The midcentury modern art style is reminiscent of the cheery and optimistic zeitgeist of a post-war America. It is this same cheerful optimism that the sequence is attempting to evoke in the viewers.

Not to mention, the midcentury modern art style is a visual feast for the eyes. This both keeps the viewer base engaged from the get go, and assures them that the film is a comedy.

However, they still strived to maintain that hand-drawn/handmade feel to make it appear more welcoming and childlike compared to the more clear and clean lines of true midcentury modern. Connects with their target audience more.

The fonts vary throughout the sequence, keeping up with that childlike and playful tone.

One could also argue that the midcentury modern art style could be appealing to any parents watching the movie with their kids, who will likely notice the obvious homage to Saul Bass and DePatie-Freleng's The Pink Panther.

The sequence emphasises the Disney/Pixar brand identity - fun, playful, imaginative, family friendly, trustworthy for parents, and still enjoyable for any adults watching.

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icharchivist · 1 year ago

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reaching the Nibelheim Incident Flashbacks and i can't post pictures anymore, which means you'll get only my summary thoughts

(also spoilers, very late OG and CC)

(also very long because i took advantage of this to cover the whole flashback) (this is 5k words long, i've been going through it)

(ALSO also this is less of an analysis and more me losing my mind connecting dots (you didn't connect shit) i connected them)

but god is that first flashback interesting, especially with the context of CC in mind.

There's so much of the flashbacks especially where you have to to constantly ask yourself - where does Zack end and Cloud begins? Because some lines, scene, clearly are hinting to Zack, and others are more related to Cloud in itself.

there's also how much values you bring to the rest of the compilation but imo as far as Zack is concerned it's pretty fair game to really take his appearances in CC and AC as "the truth" of how Zack was living those scenes, because Zack wouldn't twist his own perception of things and all. But ofc authorial intents yadaydaya how much was planned from the start and all. But i love CC and it's MY house so--

so this post will go a lot on an angle of "everything is supposed to click together", discussions about retcons don't really interest me (except where Genesis is involved, but i'm not gonna talk about him)

Anyway so in the car ride going to Nibelheim we have our first really interesting scene on that with seeing "Cloud" squats next to an infantryman who is feeling sick in the car, and "Cloud" tries to cheer him up before adding "ahah not like i'd know, i've never been motionsick!"

The begining of the scene is therefore likely to be the beginning of the projection -- from AC and CC we know Zack had a tendency to worry over Cloud's motion sickness, with the flashback we see in AC being from the Nibelheim travel, where Zack asks Cloud so gently if he's alright. We know also from CC that it wasn't the first time Zack saw Cloud sick, so by all account Zack wouldn't make a snide comment on Cloud being motion sick.

Which is where i think the Cool Version Of Cloud Cloud Builds Up In His Mind (or Cool Cloud for short) starts to interreact. Like Cloud has to take a dig at his past self for being "this weak" on that, in a way Zack would not comment on.

Then there's the conversation with Sephiroth, and "Cloud" talks about how he gladly accepted the offer to be with Sephiroth in those missions, that since he missed the war, he wanted to do something useful with his battle skills after it, and that doing that with Sephiroth who's so cool is the way it ends up being good. Sephiroth comments "such a kid" which i would assume is probably the thing CC turned into "such a puppy" regarding Zack.

But in CC we learn Zack did participate in the war, just the very tail end of it, and he doesn't have good memories of the war on a personal level (loss of his mentor then) and on an ethical level (by the time of the Nibelheim incident Zack has been realizing the horrors of his involvement there and he has been feeling guilty). CC also gives the framing that Zack... wasn't actually too hot about being assigned a mission with Sephiroth. He didn't even specifically want to come, especially after the last time Sephiroth basically pushed him into a mission ended up putting Zack in the position of killing Angeal because Sephiroth didn't want to be the one to do it.

in CC, Zack and Sephiroth's relationship is strained by the time of the Nibelheim incident - while they also do like each other to some extend, but Angeal's death has been the source of a massive divide between the two of them.

but back to that scene, therefore by CC's indications, it's Cool Cloud that Cloud is projecting on this. Because Cloud has been admirative of Sephiroth's war efforts during the Wutai War and it was one of the reasons he joined the infantry, and we only see him being part of it after the war was over. and it's Cloud who had this starstruck vision of Sephiroth, one that Zack didn't exactly share at that moment.

BUT ALSOOO "Cloud" keeps squatting which is especially Zack's tick when he's nervous or too excited to contain himself. Zack has advised Cloud to squat in those situations and all and i still remember that scene where Cloud is confused as fuck after he accidentally cheered Zack up and the guy went from a frown to a smile in a few squats in front of him and Cloud was ?!!? So THIS is from Zack.

i'll just do the full scene i'll take more notes as i go

oh it SUCKS i can't share screenshot because this is SO interesting.

(edit: adding screenshot at a later date)

So then we have the scene where Sephiroth arrives in front of the Nibelheim doors and asks "Cloud" about how he feels about being back in his hometown. In CC, we see that Sephiroth actually addresses the Real Cloud directly. In the flashback Cloud then asks questions about Sephiroth's hometown, which Sephiroth laugh off, and that is something Zack asked, but therefore in one of those rare instances, Sephiroth was talking directly to the Real Cloud.

And interestingly, in this scene, Sephiroth is the only one in the frame. Neither "Cloud" nor any of the infantrymen following them are in the frame. The one time from those memories where it's Sephiroth addressing to The Real Cloud, not Zack, not this cool vision Cloud has of himself, and "Cloud" is removed from the frame. the one moment that is Real ends up detaching Cloud from it on another level - because he's so deep into his denial, into this made up reality where he built this fantasy from what he wanted to be and the person Zack was, that the moment Cloud actually appears in this flashback, when Cloud is the one who's being addressed to, Cloud somehow doesn't visualize himself there.

The full distachement to who he used to be compared to this multi-personified version of himself he made up to cope with his trauma is just. god so fascinating, and just by excluding Cloud in this frame does it really stand out. (and besides it's not just "because CC", it's clear that if Sephiroth asks for "how about your hometown" that he must be talking to Cloud, and it tracks Zack had to keep the conversation going because Cloud was too shy to do so at the time. GUHHHHH ANYWAY)

When this scene ends, "Cloud" and the infantrymen come in the picture. talking to one of them will result in him saying "careful about wandering around if you don't want to be in trouble", and the other is anxious and says he doesn't even want to be there, and "Cloud" has two options there - either telling him to "aw come on do like i always show you, strike a pose!" and the Infantryman is embarassed before starting to take a cool guy pause, while "Cloud" cheers and say "you're doing so well at it!". The other option is to tell him to "sit tight okay? i'll come back to check on you later."

*buries face in hands* so this is clearly Zack right. I don't recall how this goes in CC, because i know Zack instead has a line about how Cloud is covering his face in his hometown and Zack teases him about that. But "just strike a pose to be cool like me if you need to wait" and "i'll check up on you don't worry" are both heavily Zack's sentiments, the way he wants to cheer the people around up while being a bit cocky and silly and encouraging Cloud to have more self esteem, while also genuinely looking out for him.

Interestingly the Infantryman then say "man i really don't want to be in Soldier", i'll blame it on Cloud trying to distance himself from this personification, as if remembering that "there once was a Soldier who had decided to take a specific Infantryman under his wing so he could be just like him" would be too much to handle, because it'd imply he'd be close with this Infantryman and that therefore it would be worth bringing up right? meanwhile by any stretch Cloud probably doesn't even know what "face" there is under this helmet. Is there even a face to imagine? or if he pulled the helmet off would he see his own face? either way admitting that the Infantryman mattered to the Soldier building him up would have made it difficult for Cloud to fabricate this reality.

Parenthesis from the flashback themselves but i love Barret interrupting Cloud because Cloud talked about Jenova and he connected it to the experiment they saw (Barret so smart) and it's Tifa who cuts Barret like "please let Cloud finish. Tell us all Cloud." while i know Tifa is probably nervously fidgetting hearing Cloud's tale while slowly getting her own psychological crisis settles in. Aerith jokes "the childhood friends reunite!" while Tifa is having a crisis of "this isn't how i remember this this isn't how i remember this why does he know so many of those details while i can swear he wasn't fucking there" and Cloud, 10 feet deep in his own denial, going on without noticing. (and also the irony of Aerith commenting on that while Cloud is having this whole fanfic in his head based on her ex is just so.... Like now i want to imagine Aerith being like "ahah Zack would have done that" and then having even more questions about what this dude who has her boyfriend's weapon on his back ends up describing so much of Zack's attitude as his own while it doesn't even track with what she knows of him at this point.)

GOD another fascinating thing.

When Sephiroth recalls the schedule before entering the Inn, "Cloud" is behind him, alone, he's the only person Sephiroth is talking to, the Infantry people are out of sight. But the moment Sephiroth turns and say "oh, and.", one of the Infantry man run on the screen and plant himself EXACTLY behind "Cloud". That way, when Sephiroth talks directly to "Cloud", the Infantryman is also in the direction Sephiroth is staring at when he says "you can visit family and friends if you wish."

Again a mix of how "Cloud" here is Zack, he's the one who hears the planning, the Infantry people are removed from a very serious Soldier matter, because why would they hear. But the moment Sephiroth talks directly to The Real Cloud, an infantry man plant himself behind "Cloud". Like an acknowledgement from Cloud that this is not "Cloud" (neither Zack nor Cool Cloud) Sephiroth is talking to, but the reserved Infantryboy who mostly stuck close to Zack.

sorry i'm having a moment but GRAAAA THE DETAILS THERE.

Speaking to this Infantryman when Sephiroth disappear will have him tell "Cloud" he's nervous, and "Cloud" can either ask "how come" and "don't be". I'm SURE i've seen Zack do that in CC but i don't recall if he's speaking to Cloud?? But the answer the Infantryman gives is either that he's nervous of monsters, or that he has to be brave to have a chance to be a hero. The former feels like a half way point -- Cloud is Nervous about being in his homtown after all, -- and the hero talk meanwhile is something Zack would be the type of person to encourage, but i can't say if it's Cloud morphing Zack into this infantry response, or an idea of Cloud thinking back on Zack's words when Zack tells him to cheer up.

The photograph lmao yeah talking to him is the exact dialogue Zack gets and the options Zack gets to say in CC, loser going "why would you take a picture of Sephiroth when I'm HERE" but he's so silly i love him.

If you enter other people's home in the flashback, people will walk to you, will go "huh... aren't you..." and then there will be a flash, the person disappear, "Cloud" says "huh, have i ever been there..?" and then Barret interrupt about "quit being distracted" and so Cloud ends up outside. Fascinating.

GODDDD INSANE so when Cloud enters his mother's house, he flashes again and says "it's my house, but it has nothing to do with what happened 5 years ago", and Barret and Aerith push Cloud to tell more because he knows about their family situation so they want to hear his, so if you let Cloud speak, he'll talk abut his family background. He says "i did come to visit my mom 5 years ago. And then she died. But she was doing well...." so it acknowledge he did see her 5 years ago And there, the flashbacks become jumpy. Claudia talks about how "Cloud" has grown, and how handsome he is in those soldiers clothes, and then cut. then she talks about how Cloud should get an older girlfriend to take care of him, and it cuts.

I feel like Cloud is struggling there because of how the two merge together. In most scene, it's clear when, say, Sephiroth talks to Zack or talk to Cloud, so it's clearer to see the stitches, how Cloud has put it all together in his brain.

But we know from CC that Cloud asked Zack to come with him to see his mother. That he thought it was embarassing to come alone so at least he wanted Zack to be there too, and besides he loves his mom and REALLY want Zack to get a taste out of Claudia's cooking.

So there suddenly instead of stitching together i assume the two masks are blurring together. Because no doubt Zack also bragged about him and built him up and said all sort of things for Claudia to be proud. Cloud seeing his mom compliment him on how pretty he got, then she comments on the Soldier uniform like "is that...?" and THEN it cuts, i feel like it may imply perhaps Claudia did a passing comment on Zack's uniform (and knowing this dork he may have flexed for her like "yeah it's cool right? ;D Cloud will get there eventually don't worry about it" (im extrapolating but you know he would)) and therefore the scenes mixes, so unclearly that the only way for Cloud to process it is by disconnecting before he starts to see just how there's something missing in those conversations.

I'm taking the "you need an older girlfriend to take care of you since i know you can't cook" and am running with it with how Cloud had Zack come to visit to taste his mother's cooking. fully HC no analysis but i love to imagine Claudia was exasperated at her son and turned to Zack asking him to take good care of Cloud in the city and all and maybe he'll learn to cook, and then Zack throws Cloud a side eye because Zack, his senpai, clearly also don't know how to cook, and Claudia has this moment of. Actually you're both disaster aren't you. That's my canon at least, MOVING ON--

Less me losing my mind more factual things, the fact Cloud decides to stop talking about his mom after a flashback of Claudia saying "I'll always be your mom" is bonechilling to me. Cloud already has the Jenova cells inside of him, even if Jenova hasn't seriously started to make her move on Cloud yet. Jenova keeps trying to become "the mother", she pervertize this vision and forces Cloud into her "family" where she controls and destroys him. I think it's fascinating for Cloud to stop wanting to discuss his mom when she reminds him of that, while soon Jenova will creep into his mind to tell him she is the only mother Cloud needs.

oh man if you try to force "Cloud" to come back in his mother's house, Cloud seems.. really unwell when he says he can't remember anything else and can't keep talking about this. Aerith even has to tell him "shh it's okay Cloud" which really gives the idea that the more Cloud is trying to think about his mom the more he would be breaking.

I feel like no matter the identity Cloud is trying to push upon himself, he can't lie to his mother. He knows she'll love him no matter what. So pushing this reality onto his memories of his mom feels.... so much more wrong than when he does it on literally anything else.

Like i think it's really the mix of "Zack was there /as a friend/ so the memories from 5 years ago are mixing together and it's harder to have a solid vision of who Cloud is supposed to play up", and "Cloud loved his mother so much and he hasn't ever needed to lie to her, so this fake self he fabiricated comes crashing down upon the memories of the one person he never wanted to ever fool".

the fact you can go on a whole tangent of Cloud going through Tifa's stuff and then joking about finding her underwear and she almost breaks Cloud's narration because "ARE YOU FOR REAL" and Cloud can reply "just kidding please don't hurt me" and Tifa gets so upset because they're talking about something serious here!!! is killing me because Cloud is there still making up his reality as he goes with older memories and complete fantasies and he's like let's gooo, while Tifa is already having a mental breakdown and Cloud is making FUN OF HEr because what do you mean he was there AND he tried to steal my underwear AND he thinks about mentionining it in his tale about how Sephiroth killed our families!!! God what a scene.

Last house before the Inn and mhmm i dont know what to do of this one. probably pure fabrication? I feel like the kids are too stilted in the way they talk to Cloud that it feels like "this is how kids would admire me as a Soldier right?"

o i missed on Tifa's father. if you brag about being Soldiers to him he just calls you a big head, and "Cloud" passing a hand in his hair feels so much more like Zack lmao, also i think i remember it in CC? Then the other option of asking him who he is has him recognize "Cloud" and tell him to stay away from his daughter. So i would think (?) Cloud saw Zack interreact with Tifa's father and mixed together both Zack's behavior and the way he would expect Tifa's father to welcome him in particular, especially considering how people saw him about Tifa after her accident.

In the inn downstairs, nothing much to note, the convos would have happened to Cloud or to Zack all the same, but i don't think it's a stretch to say that Cloud didn't find it important enough per se since it's the least weird encounter in town once you Know what's up.

going upstairs, Sephiroth is staring at the window because he feels like he knows this place. The moment he says that, the Infantryman starts appearing from the staircase. I remember Sephiroth telling that to Zack, so by all account, the Infantryman in this scene is Cloud, he must have overheard when he went into their room. Stitching it together again...

Speaking to the Infantryman in the room and he comments "we're short one bed.". indeed there's 3 beds in the room, and it's for Sephiroth, "Cloud", and two Infantrymen, so it does raise questions right? I suppose it works as a clue or just an oversight or a set up to Sephiroth preparing to sleep in the Manor. Idk i can't think in depth about this one because then i remember that in CC there were only TWO BEDS and Zack and Cloud were sleeping in the same room so like. *bites fist* movING ON.

lmao telling Sephiroth you don't want to go to sleep have him say "i won't wake you up tomorrow" which feels so.... friendly right? like teasing a friend over his oversleeping habits. Could be Fabrication, could be Zack. I could see Zack as an oversleeper. But also i see him as a "rise with the sun" guy so whaddoiknow.

Next day, Infantrymen comment on "Cloud" being "late again" and the other about being too nervous to sleep. So last one seem more like Cloud might have felt. I still don't know about Zack's sleeping habits but we know he had the habits to get super late, so that tracks as being a "Zack" moment.

Tifa is coming to the party. A few interraction that lays too much on Cloud and Tifa knowing each other and Sephiroth acknowledging it, so i assume it's 100% fabrication from Cloud there, like "what would it be to meet Tifa in my situation", Cool Cloud / No Zack projection there.

God the photograph. There starts for Tifa the uncanny "those details are too specific for someone who wasn't there to know about them, yet how come i don't remember CLOUD being here" moment.

I know the fall from the bridge wasn't in CC but i think it's more a budget problem here so idk how much i can say "it happened" and how much i can say "Cloud is projecting that one time the bridge broke and Tifa and him fell into the situation". That said with the consistancy of showing always one infantryman around i feel like it may be "more real" in a sense. And also if it didn't happen Tifa would probably see more holes in Cloud's story, so it's more likely it did happen and Tifa is just screaming internally of "how the FUCK does he KNOW THAT"

"Cloud" is asking dumb questions about Materias that's so Zack coded <3333

and now it's when it starts to be... mushy... we see Sephiroth asks the Infantryman outside to stop Tifa from going inside the reactor while "Cloud" follows him. in CC Sephiroth ask Cloud to hold out Tifa, and him and Zack are the only ones living in the events from inside the reactors. I think it's why CC thought it could go off the rail and have Genesis appear then since technically Cloud didn't know what happened inside, but i'm ignoring Genesis for my own sanity's sake. But still the story the way Zack remembers it and the way Cloud "remembers" it match. So either genetic magic that mixed their memories together (since there is this element mentioned once in a while, i do think it's more fun to see psychologically how Cloud logically altered the memory more than just "idk, magic, memories transfer", but, it is an element i have to take into account), or Zack told Cloud in great detail about it. In CC he doesn't really have the time to tell him anything after that (aside from "Shinra is a den of monster, never go in it".) but i guess this convo can have happened offscreen when Seph was downspiralling in between two "Zack and Cloud dines at Claudia's house."

Sephiroth's mental breakdown </3 it's still really painful to watch

... halfway through? how long is this post already and should i make it a two parters

WHAT DO YOU MEAN 4K WORDS????

*rubs temples* well look i'm already too far gone, let's continue through it here.

god Aerith asking Tifa "you were outside then?" and Tifa taking a moment before answering is so uncanny oughhh Tifa im so sorry for the mental breakdown man, unsung collateral victim of Cloud's made up reality.

then about how Sephiroth locked himself in the mansion and GOD the Infantry guy is literally always following "Cloud" so closely i'm feeling so ill over how obvious they make it.

man the Mansion still looks so spooky, it's so weird to walk through it without expecting monsters to jump in my face though. *pointed glare at Rebirth*. anyway.

Again Infantryman in front of the room leading to the secret lab, to say he doesn't know where Sephiroth is, in CC this is about where Cloud stands when you can talk to him to comment about Sephiroth's strange behavior.

I was talking about it with Kiri the other day but GOD i love the spiral stairs to the secret basement. it goes on for so long, you really feel like you're downspiralling through the very bowels of hell where you will find the truth you are not ready to acknowledge. Broken steps, everything so unstable, all while the staircase is seen from above, like a judging eye.

can't even go bother Vincent though, even Zack could take a sneak peak smh!! but joke aside i feel like it makes sense Zack just didn't tell Cloud about that weird moment where he's pretty sure he opened a coffin and the person inside the coffin just closed it shut from the inside just as quickly. Like i feel like Zack would just not disclose the "well that was fucking weird" about Cloud's hometown moment. But it'd be funny if he did--

*mumbles* moral of the story if Gast had just told Sephiroth his mom's name was Lucrecia instead of Jenova we would have been spared a lot of bullshit. maybe.

Infantryman: "Sephiroth looks different" yeah that's Cloud alright, but also horrible thing to hear someone says 2mins before Sephiroth snaps. Cloud, next time, believe in your guts.

ok some of my lore on the Ancients may have been rusty but at the same time i don't know how much to take Sephiroth's downspirall to the word, i'll, have to rethink that when i get there

Never has a man been as threatening saying "out of my way, i'm going to see my mother."

god i still love the timing of the incident. Sephiroth leaves "Cloud" in the basement, and just the time it takes you to get out of the Mansion, it was enough for Sephiroth to destroy and murder everything on his path. Chills from just how little time it took him.

guh scene of Sephiroth entering the fire he started, letting himself burn from the same fire raging inside of him by the reveals he had to go through, you'll always be famous.

the next part... it's more the events as Zack remembered them and unless he talked about it to Cloud when they were on the run (not the coolest topics for a comato dude ngl!) all of this is either conjonctures from Cloud's side, or really can't escape the "imprinted memories" from Zack.

but i do think at least say, Tifa getting nearly sliced in two can just be something Cloud would "remember" because he found Tifa sliced in two at the bottom of the stairs. . It's more the whole "Tifa mourning her dad" which seems too real for Cloud to imagining it, esp with how often it comes back as a trigger, but realistically unless Cloud was following Zack real close, it's not something he could have seen.

.... i think i never spoken to Tifa after finding her body DLKFJDLKFJL why am i surprised!! so this is why the scene plays like that in Last Order. I always had a problem with that because it wasn't logical and i think a huge part of Cloud's total downspirall was from thinking Tifa was dead when he found her. But still just her saying the lines doesn't actually change much -- esp since with her asking Cloud to remember about their promise echos how Tifa had to remind him in the beginning of the game, so it can be a "late" addition to Cloud's memories because "oh yeah Tifa would say that, right?"

"Cloud" gets to confront Sephiroth on the people he cared about dying, and i do remember Zack confronts Sephiroth about his madness, but it's... interesting there therefore. Cloud is projecting his own grief on Zack's words, but Sephiroth replies to him the way he replied to Zack. Meanwhile i remember Last Order does let Cloud at least tell his grief to Sephiroth, i don't recall him doing so in CC tho.

"you're not the Sephiroth that i used to know" and then cut to black, Cloud is unable to remember the details after that.

DLKFJDLKFJD

Aerith: woah a lot of this didn't make any sense

GIRL PLEASE YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

tho they're mostly talking about how they don't understand Sephiroth's reasoning, the link with Jenova and the Cetras, and Cloud not remembering how the fight went even though "clearly i couldn't kill him but he didn't kill me either" and the confirmation Shinra could have covered for his death.

But man what an intense scene the Nibelheim Flashback is. Sorry i ended up combing it like that but i find it fascinating to see the way Cloud stitched together a believeable persona out of what he admired of Zack and what he wanted to be, mixed in with a bit of his real self, and yet every single scene that implies people speaking to the "Real Him" are the ones that are the trickier for him to handle, because he can make up a whole fake story without being seen, but once it becomes too real, about people who cared about him, it just doesn't add up anymore.

And Tifa's spiraling on the side is always so interesting and sad to me. God.

Anyway, a blast to go through.

... and this is 5k words long how the hell--

#ichablogging ffviiog #kiri dont look #for now.......... sorry........ sooon.............

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