#Doc has to deal with my insanity all the time Doc I love you

[finisnihil]

GOD GOD I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT SUNDAY AND ROBIN GOD everything about them the subtle storytelling of their relationship and everything just.

Robin being a songbird and Penacony being a cage and Sunday taking on the burden of being the one caged so his sister can escape and remain free and fly away and keep singing for herself and he tries so hard to protect her but when she inevitably comes back she's killed and Sunday can't protect her from inside the cage and all he can do is try to avenge her while everyone tries to use her death as an in to wring his neck too and in the end he can't even avenge her because he's too tired and vulnerable and Gallagher gets him from behind because there's nobody to watch his back anymore and he's finally let himself start grieving at the wrong time.

And in the end the god he was taught to love didn't save him or Robin.

Also I've seen people theorize he was chosen to be the head of the Oak Family as a sort of sacrifice which is so interesting because then he and Robin would fit the Scapegoat Ritual with Robin being the goat scarificed to god (Xipe) and Sunday being the one run off into the forest to carry away the sins of the people, in his effort to keep Robin from shouldering the sins of the people he forgot the scapegoat is the one that lives

I'm going to explode into smithereens

[spaloonbabooguuscooties]

You could drink your whole life away and still never get that taste out of your mouth.

half commission for @salempie half completely self indulgent dreck pieced together from our insane conversations abt franke and elka. told myself id finally write a big explanation for all of the dum shit between these two for context so Thats Under The Cut.

so I already wrote some stuff about elka and franke's relationship back in whispering rock so feel free to look at that too . it goes over elkas blindness/‘seeing’ with clairvoyance and how her and franke started talking & all that good stuff

SO FOR STARTERS. a lot of thsi wont make sense without a big breakdown of elka herself. because elkas potential as a character is like insane to me. like just the idea of her in the long run of her life reads as something so potentially tragic; a young girl whos plagued with visions of doom and destined to be an outcast even in her own home for things she cant control and clings to the One vision of her wedding that she thinks is 'happy' even despite the fact she doesnt really love the person in it. im choosing to take the li-po doc as canon here because its funny shes the only one with backstory-

but my fucking god even the smallest look into what her parents are like is soo fucked up to me. and i do think elka especially gets a lot of influence from her mother; its funny how easily you can fit mabel doom into a box just from what elka says about her. knees deep in an avon-esque pyramid scheme and leaning into her daughters depressing ass visions & taking her to therapy at age 11 (which would be good if not for the kind of person you can already assume she is & so i doubt the therapist she has really does her any good. i think they share one). she reads as a very I Am My Daughters Best Friend type of mom to me and i can see elka being a centerpiece of the conversation when she has her Amway Girls over for drinks. wine-mom that lets her kid sip from the glass so she can feel like a big girl type deal.

and you can tell that elka is trying to hard to be too mature for her age even in her campster posts. how she writes letters to nils' mom and exchanges baking recipes with her and that feels like she really only interacts with middle aged women and not really many people her own age outside of camp (like her moms friends). which makes sense shed feel the need to ‘grow up’ early when shes probably had to process so many hard things at a young age bc of her visions.

theres a lot of filling the blanks here of course.

elka obsesses over nils to an overbearing degree even despite the fact he treats her like shit ('you promised no talking' and so on) and she treats him bad right back. she leans onto stereotypical heterosexual ideals like taking care of him and overblowing how Manly and Protective JT is and she admires romance stories like pride and prejudice and it feels like she Projects Soooooooo much of what she wants onto boys she barely feels anything for without knowing what its actually supposed to feel like. and clearly she WANTS that ideal future, a happy marriage, an actual romance- but according to nils even when they were dating she ignored him most of the time, which just seems Very Telling

like shes filling a role, overcompensating for emotions and lacktherof she cant digest quite yet, and it only makes more sense when you know shes had visions of their future together. how could that be bad for her? shouldnt it be like the books and movies? but she doesnt really connect the fact that her visions are only for Doomed futures, and if she does she certainly doesnt show it. Doomed relationships. it's been a part of her family for generations and she isn't turning out much different, is she? i dont think she even realizes thats all she ever sees yet, just that its Going to happen. that it's Her future, and it always will be

and like, her only reference for a real marriage so far has been her own parents, and she already Knows they have an affair, and theyre doomed to split, (and i actually like to think they were in rough waters anyway and elka was a child meant to mend a crumbling marriage but thats a whole other thing) and so without a framework for what an actual healthy relationship is supposed to be like she cant really grasp that her relationship with nils Isnt that and isnt ever going to be. she can only cling to this one happy idea of the future, and thats why she keeps chasing him, self fulfilling the actuality of her situation and creating and fostering the unhappy life they will inevitably live together.

and that bleeds into everything else in her life, of course, because as the years go on, as the visions grow in number it just makes sense for her to fall into the predictability of her life. she always knows whats going to happen, her visions are Never wrong- so why try to change things? shes had time to process tragedies days, weeks, months, years before they happen, shes had time to settle into every crack of her life. her parents divorce, her various break ups, her future with the psychonauts.

“and she's already seen so much of a future with [nils] she feels trapped almost. Like she has to be happy in it or else it just means her life is miserable. And it's a mixture of pride and fear of the unknown that keeps her clinging to the One thing she knows. BUT LIKE!!! She knows what's gonna happen! It's easier to grieve when she's been grieving for years... She wants so badly to be happy, But to do that she has to step into the unfamiliar. And that's more terrifying than staying the same miserable person she's always been.”

and thats where franke comes in— and yeah you Do have to take a lot of liberties for frankes character since it’s basically, like, all the info for her is just that shes a Supreme Baby Dyke but thats enough for me. i think she has protective butch itch in her . on campster shes defensive over other women evidenced in the way she keeps watch over the girls cabins for lili when elton is pursuing her . but shes also eager to please and constantly trying to make kitty laugh and also Very naive. but she tries! and i think it only solidifies more as she gets Older and really gets a hold of her feelings & her powers. this is incredibly franke to me

and i think as they grow older together— because i think franke and elka Do stay friends, both because elka is just pathetic and needs that positive connection even if she doesnt realize it and because i think franke is a very Loyal person & annoyingly persistent if you let her be . and i am also a kitty/franke truther. because kittys also important in this web we weave

because i think franke and kitty stay together after camp, to a point— theres a falling out facilitated on kittys end and they break up, but reconnect, and franke kind of... saves kitty from herself a little, from her strict military father whos love only extends thru finances , from her own stifling future , she drives all the way to bakersville in her shitty van handmedowned from her dad and they move in together eventually . they get jobs at the motherlobe , because it’s a pipeline to a decent job, because it’s whats easy, because franke doesn’t really have a future, because she’s never really been good at much, because shes never had much sense, because franke doesnt really care as long as she can live and help, sometimes, if she can, and because kitty’s there, and because elka’s there, and shes so used to being elkas eyes now and shes good at it. shes good at being the muscle of the missions when her colleagues lack it, when hypnosis and predictions arent enough. she likes it that way.

and elka appreciates frankes company. she listens, shes sweet, she does little things for her that no ones ever really put the effort for before; she likes her. franke is strong and bold and makes her laugh and shes always there but god elka cant let go of that future, of that box shes put herself in, that her mothers put her in, of being a Good Wife to a Loving Husband, of getting married normally and falling into unfailing familiarity. thats all shes ever wanted and shes not going to jeopardize that . not for franke, who may not be a boy but is handsome like one, whos always held her after every break up with nils and the men that filled empty days inbetween.

and elka is too stubborn to recognize those feelings anyway. too prideful to accept a way out. too set in her cycle no matter how much she hates it, her little self fulfilling tragedy of her own making, wallowing in her own doom. she struggles for control of her own life when she feels like every choice has been made for her anyway, she puts up her walls and carefully constructs what people see. but franke was always harder to trick, because while empathy isnt a particularly useful psychic power it’s certainly an inconvenient one. all franke has to do is get too close and all those carefully crafted walls fall apart, and elkas control is gone, and thats all she really has. and she tries to distance herself, really she does, but franke is also too persistent. and elka wears gloves, keeps contact that would make her walls crumble from happening as best as she can, but she cant really keep herself from the brief moments where she feels like someone actually fucking cares about her.

and that slightest lack of control, the need to wrestle it back is why she proposes to nils the next time theres a falling out— she knows how it happens, she plans every detail. and he accepts, despite everything. gets her a cheap ring and it feels like lead on her finger and its nothing at all like how shed thought it to be when she was a kid, theres no feather light feeling in her chest, only that dreadful reality that she cant turn this back. BUT WHAT CAN U DO LMAO

elka doesnt tell franke about this engagement until later, on their way back from a mission. late at night when neither of them can sleep, and franke invites elka to smoke in her van, because its been so long since theyve been alone like that, because elkas been so strangely absent lately. and because of everything, because frankes always so damn nice, because elka hates the feel of the ring on her finger, because she let herself get high alone with franke fucking athens whos always been so good at pulling her apart— the truth of it all spills out and its messy and emotional and she hates it, she hates the life shes made for herself, but franke makes it easier to bare and now shes here and shes so close and god she wishes she could see her smile again, she wishes she could see franke, thats all she needs right now and she cant but she can touch her and she can hold her and for tonight, she can be known, she can let those walls crumble, she can be something else just for once here with franke . she can kiss her here in this van, touch that happiness for just a moment, and forget the future that waits for her outside of it. franke begs her to forget the wedding, to just let herself be happy— and god, she wants to, but it means turning her back on everything shes known and everything shes saw to be inevitable, and franke has never been in her future, so if it were supposed to work out why hadnt she seen it and she cant, she cant take that risk but she can have this, even if its temporary, she can have it.

and just as soon as she gets a taste of it, its gone. after that night, after the missions over and theyre back at the motherlobe and have to pretend like nothing happened (franke doesnt, of course she tells kitty about it, she tells kitty about everything.) but that brief moment together haunts elka every time she sees franke, sees herself through frankes eyes, sees herself in her wedding dress because god its all franke can think about! of course it is! she knows how much elkas destroying herself she knows how much misery shes wallowing in that kiss in the van felt like an emotional punch to the teeth and she hasnt ever forgotten it and all she can do is sit and watch while elka throws herself into a loveless marriage. she can come to her wedding and see the way the bride and groom kiss with the emotional weight of a wet towel no matter how hard elka tries to hide it under a pretty dress and bouquets of flowers and meticulous planning.

and elka resents nils but she cant really hate him, its not his fault, not really. he feels trapped just like she does and his feelings of misery only cycle back into hers . they fight and gnash and wear away at each other and its a relationship thats crashed and burned a million times before elka even said i do. and its inevitable that she falls into her mothers habits, a sip of wine here and there to loosen up, until it turns to a glass, until it falls into a bottle on nights when whatever work nils does runs late.

but franke’s still there. shes always been there, hasn’t she? always trying to play knight, always trying to save her, dragging her home when shes stumbling over herself because god who else is going to do it but her? who else is left to care? certainly not nils. never nils. because franke knows her. because franke pities her. shes always pitied her. shes always known. and elka hates it, she resents it, but god in the same breath she’s desperate for it, she envies it to her very bones. elka is a mess but after frankes done with her she has someone to go back to that loves her. and god what elka wouldnt do to have that. to take it and keep it for herself because shes never ever got to have that movie romance shes always wanted.

so now comes this.

because elkas particularly miserable and particularly spiteful and she needs to get franke to understand, just for a moment, drink with her and get on her level and she needs her there with her no matter how her pity makes her feel. no matter how much it makes her shake with anger and envy and desperation, but god the way franke looks at her, the way she still tries to salvage what they have, the soft, slurred way she tells her that it’s okay but its not okay, none of this is okay, it never has been and she just wants franke to shut up and see that, and if she cant then she’ll show her, she’ll show her all the raw angry desperation, with too much teeth and hands that claw and grab and she’ll know why everyones always said she’s too much.

and she knows this puts her on nils’ level too. that this makes her a cheater, that shes no better than he is now. no better than her father and his affair. but god, she wants to be selfish. she wants to be in control. just for once. she wants to feel right and she wants to feel happy and she wants to feel loved. thats all shes ever wanted. and franke will let her have that, just for a little while, at the very least.

anyway. sorry. sorry for being crazy . this isnt even getting into the shit after the comic takes place . elkas stupid brainworld thag she has to overcome in order to finally be allowed in the polycule and live happily ever as worlds first lesbian divorceman

sorry for all the shit i make up instead of caring about actual characters with screentime . bye !

[aquaquadrant]

I was wondering if you had an estimated date of when you will post the next HTP chapter?

Like, leaving us on such a cliffhanger must be a crime! It cant be legal!

Anyways, while I wait for it, Ive decided to copy paste every chapter into a doc and mark it up color code style for all my over analyzing needs. It took me an hour but it was worth it.

Have a good week and take care :)

(This is meant to be genuine, not mean or passive aggressive, just so you know. While I indeed am anxiously awaiting Chapter 10 by highlighting the chapters on a doc like that one photo of a bible page that’s highlighted with different colors. This isn’t meant to be mean or pressuring, take your time and take care of yourself)

⬆️(Ah poo, Im an over thinker

hey there, no worries y’all- i love seeing my reader’s enthusiasm and it’s reassuring to see continued interest in the series. i’d been hoping to have BOTH of the final ‘from eden’ chapters done before summer. but i have to admit, progress on the next chapter hasn’t been as forthcoming as i’d expected, for a couple reasons.

the first is health-related. not to be too TMI, but i recently got diagnosed with crohn’s disease. my symptoms started ages ago but have really ramped up in the last couple months, and the diagnosis was a lengthy and involved process (started the hunt back in november, presumptively diagnosed after a colonoscopy in feb, definitively diagnosed when biopsies came back over spring break) and even when i was simply waiting for results, it occupied a lot of my mental capacity. and ofc it happened to line up with me turning 26 and needing new insurance, which has caused lots of delays. anyone dealing with the american health care system while chronically ill will tell you it’s a frustrating, exhausting process. as of right now, i’m still waiting to start treatment 🫠

but honestly, even more than that, the biggest thing stopping me from writing is… me? 😂 so there’s this thing that happens after i post a chapter that’s like… decision paralysis? except it’s just that sometimes, i literally can’t bring myself to start the next chapter. it’s like, i have this unfounded fear that all my writing up until this point has been some magical fluke out of my control, and i’m not capable of ‘pulling it off’ again. i guess you could call it a form of imposter syndrome (which i already encounter enough in my vet school life). it gets worse after posting something that was a particularly massive undertaking or was insanely well-received bc i’m scared i won’t be able to top it- even though the impact of storytelling is supposed to be cohesive, and it’s unrealistic for every chapter to be ‘bigger and better’ (what does that even mean?) than the last one because they serve different purposes at different points in the story. i know this, rationally, but that doesn’t stop the irrational fear of failure from making me avoid writing.

i’m not sharing this to make excuses or garner sympathy, or fish for compliments, and certainly not to make anyone feel guilty for asking about updates. i just feel like maybe this will resonate with anyone who has the same experience. and also to share hope, because despite how often this feeling rears its ugly head, i’ve still been able to push through and get back to writing- and i’m always very happy with the result. sometimes it just takes longer than i’d like (pro tip: writing on ur phone is less intimidating, tho it’s more of a pain). but in any case, the next chapter of ‘from eden’ is well underway and i still hope to have the series done before summer’s end^^

[fiberglassandflowers]

Hey idk if there’s some master post about mbts but if there is may I please ask where and if not could I perhaps humbly request a description because it sounds cool as FUCK

omg yayy okay so there's not a masterpost as of now (though there is a google doc in the works that will probably be. very big) BUT i will try to give a brief rundown. underneath a readmore 👍

OK SO. IN SUMMARY

MARY BELL TOWNSHIP: more like mary bell CLOWNSHIT ha ha. heavy surveillance like everywhere (including in peoples homes. how fun). it's also got some like radiation stuff going on. all the residents are a lil radiation poisoned But it's mostly fine. also the town moves and i dont know why.

VANNIE OVERTURE: based on suburbia overture. the mayor who is a vampire. major control freak. sucks shit. like most of the reason mary bell is the way it is. permasmile swag. has killed before. hates when people are weird freaks and is actively passive aggressive if not outright aggressive.

TRIP LETWO: based on 2econd 2ight 2eer. world's silliestguy contrarian and infamous public nuisance. deeply tortured individual but shes dealing with it i guess. physically cant leave mary bell township. he has too much goddamn lore

LYDIE LAPLACE: based on laplace's angel. so lame. just deeply lame. killed a guy and got kicked out of office building heaven (laplace's inc. id give this its own section but it doesnt really matter all that much). i dont ever think about it unfortunately im sorry women.

MINA BYRD: based on i/me/myself. very sweet very nice. ladybugpilled socialanxietycel. doesnt have a whole lot going on but she is nice im glad shes there. im gonna have a significant relationships section of this but im saying that shes roommates with lia here bc its not really significant otherwise

WALTER LEE: based on ...well, better than the alternative. worlds first cis father to be a butch lesbian. probably a girl but she doesnt know that. weird nostalgia issues so bad his wife left him.

DOTTY LEE: ten years old. strange little girl but i dont really think about it a lot. not much else to say about her really.

LIA CRATES: based on outliars and hyppocrates. her name is pronounced like lie-uh cray-tees not lee-ah crayts. i have to clear this up because i realized most people were wrong LMAO. a little mean but not so much when you get to know her.

WARREN LEARY: based on blackboxwarrior. actually the worst therapist you will EVER meet. isnt even licensed. you book a session with her and she only talks about herself the entire time. constantly referencing a dark and contradictory past.

MARSHA TILLIS: based on marsha, thankk you for the dialectics. slightly better therapist! still not that good. has the spirit of an old man despite being in his 40s. will begin to psychoanalyze your behavior upon the first thirty seconds of knowing you.

NORMAN LEE: based on love, me normally. guy trying really really hard to be a regular guy. has a loooot of problems that stem from this. hugest people pleaser the world has ever known. a little bit offputting. has hair symbolism :-)

MORTIMER: based on memento mori. doesn't have a last name. worlds silliest grim reaper death thing. works in the death division for laplace's inc. lived a pretty normal life. then it died :-(. more here

FERN O'DYNAMIC: based on thermodynamic lawyer. hates his bitch wife (who is a praying mantis for. unknown reasons? will elaborate). just has a lot of anger inside him and doesnt know how to deal with it so he takes it out on other people. he kind of sucks but he's a neat character.

MIRANDA WRIGHT: the person being sung about in thermodynamic lawyer. bug wife (i can blame anything on radiation). she wasnt always a bug she just kinda did that idk. there's not much about her but she's an etymologist.

COTARD LETWO: based on cotard's solution. she has so many problems oh my gooood. deeply lonely person. fascinated with the macabre. its like coping mechanism that makes you worse. im insane about her writing a basic description is so difficult fkdjsfhsjd

RAMONA MCLAREN: based on red moon + hand me my shovel (though the latter was included later on bc it fit her). worlds most intelligent and stupid single celled organism. patheticswag. absolutely batshit insane. attempting to solve the end of the world.

KUIPER SUNSHINE: based on dr sunshine is dead. uh. i dont really know much about her to be honest SORRY... its really silly though + haver of prophetic dreams that she is NOT transparent about. fucks with people a lot just for funsies

COLIN THESIER: based on cover this song. girl who used to be in a band but got kicked out bc of friend drama. survivor of a toxic codependent queer friendship. trying to be a better person bc she used to suck pretty bad unfortunately. a bit more here

theres like a couple more characters but none of them are really important enough to give their own sections. debbie letwo is trip and cotards mom, laplace is the head of laplace's inc, maude is walter's ex wife who left him (heres the scoop on that).

OK NOTABLE CHARACTER DYNAMICS TIME:

VANNIE/NORMAN: norman has been pretending to be a normal dude this whole time + vannie totally fell for it. normans stuck in this friendship bc hes too much of a people pleaser to break it off even though vannie actively drains him emotionally. also he feels validated by vannie thinking hes normal. its so awful im so insane about their dynamic

VANNIE/TRIP: THEY HAAAATE EACH OTHER. their entire core beliefs are at odds (guy who thinks everyone should do their best to conform vs. guy who loves being a weird freak and doing fuck all). their dynamic is honestly pretty simple in comparison but theyre so petty and stupid its insane. if you put them alone in the same room one of them isnt coming out

TRIP/NORMAN: theyre gay together. there's a weird lore thing about the way relationships are handled in mary bell but long story short theres paperwork that has to be filled out if you want to be registered for one and trip thinks its really funny for xem and norman to constantly break up so they'll have to fill out the paperwork because it fucks with vannie. theyre also kind of awful and tragic

WALTER/DOTTY: that is a father and his daughter. walters trying his best and hes doing well but nothing would have been better than just moving out of mary bell township to raise his child.

WALTER/MAUDE: already linked a more in-depth explanation of their deal but ill summarize it here. maude thought living in mary bell township was really bad for a child (and it is) but since walter has issues about idealizing his childhood he was like "whaaat well i was raised here and im fine" and they fought about it and once it became clear walter wasnt changing his mind maude figured shed just spare herself from all of it. so she left 💯

WARREN/MARSHA: what if the two worst therapists ever were queerplatonic and violated hipaa together. also what if one of them [marsha] was helping the other [warren] because they're on the run from the law. would that be crazy or what

FERN/MIRANDA: actually awful. they really want to divorce but trip and norman keep clogging up the paperwork so theyre on a waiting list forever. their relationship was really good at one point but its not anymore :-( more info here

NORMAN/FERN: fern haaates norman because of the previously mentioned paperwork debacle but normans ass cant deal with the thought of anyone disliking him so hes just been really trying to get on his good side to no avail. also theyre coworkers so its more relevant

MORTIMER/TRIP: man how do i even summarize this one. due to lore reasons that you can read about in the link provided in trips session they have a super weird dynamic present day. or at least on trips end, mortimer is just super friendly to them and it wigs her out.

TRIP/COTARD: OUGUIGHJ. AOAUYFGDSFHSJ. tragic sibliiings. man i dont even know if i can go into this. go here and here if you want to learn more about them. jesus

COTARD/COLIN: frienndsss :-] classic extrovert forcing themselves into introverts life trope a little bit. they play music together and its great. mina's also in their little group but the two of them are closer

KUIPER/RAMONA: have been described by my friend as being "nonromantic freak4freak" and this is true. theyre working together on the end of the world stuff. they also rope cotard into it but thats lore i havent talked much about yet. go here and here for more info about them.

that might??????? be it?????? if there's more ill update it but thats the general basics i think. thank you for being interested and hopefully reading i greatly appreciate it :-)

[otherworldlyhope]

Soo I might have done a thing and written 2k words off a single picture.... I couldn't help it thought because @foxxology made this insanely good piece of art that I seriously can't stop staring at.

Anyways, here you go.

~ ~ ~

It’s just a regular summer night. 

Grian sits on the edge of a building, his feet dangling over hundreds of stories of empty air. Maybe at the beginning of all this he would be scared of falling, but it has been months, and he’s barely gotten close. 

Maybe it’s because of the reassuring wings on his back, maybe it’s because he has finally gotten enough experience to keep his feet firmly on any overhang. Most of his fights have ended up with him on narrow ledges and pipes, the pain of being a winged vigilante.

He doesn’t startle when there’s another person beside him. To most villains, the 'masked' hero is terrifyingly silent, but Grian has come to learn how to pick up on the slightest of noise. He heard HotGuy minutes ago when he landed on the roof. 

“Did you have fun watching me, HotGuy?” He playfully tilts his head, but doesn’t meet the hero’s tinted glasses. His gaze is still on the city beyond, carefully watching for any signs of trouble. 

“What do you mean?” The hero defends quickly, pulling a dramatic hand to his chest. His mouth is agape with something close to shock, but Grian isn’t fooled. “I just got here.”

“Sure you did.” Grian drones, rolling his eyes as shifts his position ever so slightly. His wings barely brush against the hero, and he draws back as if it burned him. “Aren’t you supposed to be on patrol right now? The city must be seconds away from collapsing without you on the streets.”

The smile doesn’t fade from the hero’s face, in fact it only widens. Grian is stunned by just how white his teeth are. How many whitening strips does this guy use? 

“Have you been watching me birdie?” HotGuy sings, leaning closer to him. This time Grian doesn’t shift back, but his entire face bursts into flame. 

“No-I- of course not.” He quickly turns, cursing the warm weather for not cooling his burning cheeks. “Any good vigilante would know what your patrol is. And stop calling me birdie.”

He adds on that last part snappishly, almost regretting it when the grin slightly falls. HotGuy is quick to pull it back up to its regular level, albeit a little forced. 

“How about a little wager then?” The hero proposes. 

When Grian’s face has finally cooled enough to not make him look like a teenage girl in love, he turns fully. A daring smile finds its way onto his lips.

“What is your bet?” 

“I keep calling you birdie.” He holds his hand up as he speaks, that gleaming smile almost blinding now. “And I teach you how to shoot a bow and arrow on a day of my choosing.”

“What do I get out of this then?”

“Anything of your choosing. Equal value of course.”

“Hmmmm.” Grian sits on the thought for a moment, letting his mind go a little wild. Would HotGuy blush just like him if he asked for a kiss? Would that be too far? Yes, obviously. He needs to tone it back. “A favor of my choosing at any time. It will obviously be nothing huge.”

“Deal.” The hero stretches out his hand, black fingerless gloves hiding the most prominent scars on them. Grian has seen them though, at times when he thought no one was watching. 

He tentatively shakes his hand, trying not to focus on just how warm HotGuy’s palm is. They probably shake for too long, but Grian relishes in the contact. 

They both stand, and then a thought hits Grian. 

“What is the bet even for?”

“Oh.” The hero laughs, “Doc’s creepers are out on the street again. Whoever gets the most wins.”

Before he’s even finished talking the hero shoots an arrow past Grian, and jumps off the building. The arrow quivers as the rope attached is pulled taut, HotGuy already halfway down the building.

“You jerk.” Grian cries as he unfurls his wings, carelessly jumping after him. The sound of the hero’s laughter bounces off the glass, and Grian can’t help but smile.

~ ~ ~ 

“Stupid, stupid.” Grian mutters to himself as he paces. He checks his phone again, making sure he has the right address in his phone. It’s right, but HotGuy is nowhere to be seen. 

He’s been breathless since the moment he woke up this morning. After last week’s unfortunately lost bet, he had been informed by HotGuy that they would be doing lessons soon. Now he finds himself standing in front of a practice building, the hero nowhere in sight.

When it hits ten past three he turns to walk away. Maybe he got the date wrong or something. Or maybe he didn’t actually want to see you. A tiny little voice whispers in his head. He shakes the thought away, not realizing the person directly in front of him. 

His glasses smash into a very soft wall, and he almost laughs at his clumsiness. That is, until he remembers there was no wall behind him. Quickly he steps back, his face flushing quickly as he sees HotGuy right there. 

“Oh I thought you weren’t going to show.” He stumbles out, pulling his hand to his neck. The sun is beating down on them, so he prays that the hero thinks his blush is sunburn or even heat exhaustion at this point.

“Why wouldn’t I birdie?” HotGuy teases, effortlessly calming his nerves. 

“I didn’t think you would actually want to be seen in public with a vigilante.” Grian admits, digging his toe into the ground. His eyes stay on the sidewalk, realizing just how stupid he sounds. Of course he won’t mind, they’ve been catching villains together for months now.

“Of course not.” There’s a feather light touch on his arm. He looks up to see HotGuy leading them into the building. “I rented the place out though, just in case you didn’t want to be seen.”

“I don't care either.” He mutters. HotGuy tilts his head to hear, so he just shakes his head. “Nothing.”

The building is entirely empty, not another soul in sight. HotGuy babbles as he turns lights on and closes windows. 

“-so I usually come here when I’m tired of training at the hero complex.” He explains, closing the final door behind them. Grian’s stomach drops as he realizes just how alone they are. 

Even when they were alone on the streets, there was always a chance of someone watching. This is the first time it’s ever just been the two of them in one room. The thought both terrifies and excites him.

“Are you sure this isn’t some ploy to get me arrested?” He says it in a teasing voice, but HotGuy’s jaw drops quickly. He holds his hands out, bumbling to deny the claim. “I was just kidding with you.”

The hero lets out a loud sigh, and Grian puts on his most mischievous grin. 

“You couldn't get me anyways, even in a closed room like this,”

“Oh you-”

“So what bow am I using today, HotGuy?” The name dances on his lips, easy to say after months of use. It’s satisfying to cut him off too. The way the hero pouts like a child always makes his day. “Do I get to use your special one?”

His hands inch to the bag that had been dropped on the table, but HotGuy is quick to step in the way. He nervously chuckles as he carefully moves Grian’s hands.

“I have a special one for you.” He hides the contents of the bag with his body as he rummages through it. “It’s pink!” He presents it with a flourish, and Grian…Grian really likes it actually. He should feel some sort of embarrassment as it is very obviously a child’s bow, but a large grin stretches his cheeks instead.

“It matches my shirt exactly.” He exclaims, pulling it up to his cropped heart shirt. For some reason it feels like the hero’s gaze lingers a little too long on the homemade crop, but he just chalks that up to wishful thinking. No way HotGuy would appreciate his hand sewn shirt.

“It really suits you.” Grian can’t tell if he means the shirt or the bow, but he assumes the latter. Suddenly the hero claps, a nervous chuckle escaping him. “How about we get this started?”

Grian very quickly learns that he is absolutely rotten at using a bow. His main weapon is a handgun, so the effort needed to draw a bow is unfamiliar to him. Even if it is a kid’s bow, he struggles to get his arrow anywhere near the target.

Every shot that HotGuy takes hits bullseye, of course. Eventually Grian gives up and just watches as the hero shows off. He can’t help but smile as there’s such an intense focus on his face. It’s interesting seeing the hero with anything other than a good natured smile. 

Without even thinking he pulls his glasses up to rest on his hair, wanting to appreciate the show without a tinge of pink. 

“Why aren’t you shooting? The only way to get better is-” HotGuy cuts off as he notices the sudden lack of glasses. The arrow he lets go of still manages to hit dead center, annoyingly. “Why did you do that?!”

Grian snickers as he fiddles with the glasses in his hair. “Like you couldn’t tell what I looked like before.” His tone is impossibly dry. “They are dollar store heart glasses that I replace after almost every fight. You can see literally everything.”

“I-it’s just. Your eyes are really b-” The hero pauses and then suddenly pulls the glasses from his own face. “There. Even.”

HotGuy’s eyes are a startling shade of green. They shine despite the bad lighting, catching Grian’s breath. 

“Yeah, even.”

They stare at each other for a moment before HotGuy offers a hand. Grian lets himself be pulled back to the targets, ready to humiliate himself again. 

“I don't know what’s wrong, but I just can’t-”

His entire frame goes rigid as he feels a light touch just on the edge of his torso. Black, fingerless gloves slide along his outstretched arm, pulling his bow up just a bit higher. The other hand rests where the croptop meets his skin, a light breath just in his ear. He’s suddenly grateful he pulled his wings in for this.

“I think your problem is that you’re just releasing the arrow willy nilly.” Grian has to suppress the shiver that builds up in his whole body at just how close the voice is to his ear. Once again HotGuy has to maneuver his arm up, and his entire body tenses. 

“Keep breathing, CuteGuy.” He says quietly, and it doesn’t help in the slightest. If anything, it only makes his breathing that much worse. 

The one good thing is that he’s facing away. He’s sure his cheeks are as red as a tomato, which would very obviously give him away. He barely looks to his side, and HotGuy seems just as calm as normal with all this. The hero shifts behind him, his hand sliding slightly down more onto Grian’s skin. His entire side is on fire, burning at the point of contact. 

“Now release the arrow at the very end of a breath.” HotGuy instructs, loudly exaggerating his own breathing. 

It takes a moment, but Grian is able to sync with his. Only when he feels steady does he let the arrow fly, It goes slightly to the right, but this time it actually hits the target! He would have celebrated by jumping or something, but he doesn’t.

He doesn’t because the hand on his waist is still very present. His other hand follows Grian’s arm as he slowly lowers the bow, fingers still pressing into the skin. 

“Do you need help with any more shots?” HotGuy says quietly, waiting for Grian to do something, anything. 

The problem is that he’s rooted to the spot. The only thing he can manage is turning his head, which only makes it all the worse. The hero’s face is too close, only inches from his own now. His breath entirely catches in his throat as he once again finds those gorgeous green eyes. 

“Um-” Grian chokes out, trying not to focus on the way the hero’s fingers barely move against his skin. “I don't know?”

They’re so close. All it would take is a daring move, and he could do it, no favor needed. He just needs to do it. Just as he starts to close his eyes, HotGuy pulls away. He turns quickly, but Grian swears he sees a hint of red on his cheeks. It doesn’t overshadow the disappointment lingering, and the sudden emptiness where gloved hands once were though.

“Let’s just keep on shooting, birdie.” HotGuy laughs nervously. “You’ll be able to do it eventually.”

Yeah, maybe I will.

He’s not thinking about the bow in his hands at all as he forms that one thought. In fact, he doesn’t think about shooting for the rest of their time in that small room. Alone.

[cupidsdescendant]

Mercs helping with period cramps! (Part 1)

Hi loves! Guess what time it is for me ^^|||! I’m going to be making this in 3 parts but I just want to say thank you for all the feedback and love for my sniper headcanons!!

Scout:

-scouts does not understand what a period was and was always confused on why his mom would get insanely emotional during a time in the month

-he tries his best to be supportive but at times he gets kinda rude about things and gets insult-y but Medic reassures him it’s not your fault

-“c’mon doc cant they just make it go away! Why they gotta make such a big deal about it, it usually last a coupla’ days!”

-“Nein you dumkopf!” Medic angrily yells back with a bonk to scouts head “zey can’t just change it venever and it affects someone greatly!” Medic will go on a whole rant and then give scout an entire breakdown of the uterus and what a menstrual cycle.

“Do you know vhat it feels like to be kicked in ze stomach?”

“Course I do, doc, why?”

“Zats what happens for a week.”

“…”

“And jou bleed.”

“So like …if it was for me I’d be bleedin from my-“

“Ja.”

“Oh jeez-! I gotta make this up to em’!” Scout says in a hurry.

-for the rest of your cycle he’s as consistent as you need him to be. He’s always ready with pads (or tampons I prefer pads tho ^_^), painkillers, food. He tries to do his best.

-rewarding him or telling him he’s doing a good job reassured him that he’s making you happy

-and all he wants is his sweetheart to be happy <3

-scout will make sure to always be there from then on and do as much research to understand.

Soldier

-like scout, soldier is completely blind to this thing.

-“you have a period?! What do you mean?! At the end of a sentence? Of course ya do, dummy!”

-soldier finds you lying on the floor from the pain and when you say you’re bleeding he takes it as internal bleeding

-“oh god- cupcake we gotta get you to Medic real fast!” Soldier picks you up and speeds over to Medic.

-“zhey are on their menstrual cycle.”

-“like recycling!?”

-“……no.”

-unlike scout, soldier will still not understand after it all but will comply nonetheless with helping

-he treats everything like a mission tho and so he takes it Incredibly serious despite his lack of knowledge

-“soldier I need some pain killers..”

-“Roger that, darling!”

10 minutes later he comes back with Xanax

-“uhm..that’s the wrong one, love-….”

-is 100% the type of man to text “in the pad aisle, what size pussy do you wear !!!”

-he still is a very considerate man and is always there for you <3

Heavy:

-heavy has sisters. Heavy lives with his mother. Heavy is the only man in the household

-he knows.

-and he’s super helpful and considerate! All of his sisters have different flows and reactions so he’s gotten used to the wide varieties of cravings and needs

-heavy is surprisingly a good chef and he would cook and bake his sisters craving dishes!

-and that is what he does with y/n! Always creating the desired dish for the moment

-he’s always there with products, blankets and overall helping out

-Heavy is very gentle with you during this moment also. He’s very soft spoken and kind and tries not to anger you easily.

-he’s also very calm. If you lash out he simply reminds you to calm down and that everything’s okay

-always here for a shoulder to cry on <33

-heavy is also good at setting the mood to take a good nap or to rest well.

-he lights candles and gives blankets and hugs you tightly as you drift to sleep

Demoman:

-demoman believes every problem can be washed away with some sort of alcohol so he’d pressure you a lot into drinking

-you choose not to tho because it doesn’t help much and you’re frankly angry for a while and he’s confused

-Demo knew what a cycle was but never put to much mind into it

-he’s, of course, helpful and considerate and always there but he also has a “whatever” kinda tone when it comes to it

-he does feel very bad when he sees you struggling and he always pats your back and reassures you you’ll be okay

-“it’s okay, mate you’ll be fine” he says as he kisses you

-reminder! Demo loves showering you in drunken kisses !!!

-he kisses your stomach and wherever you have cramps/hurt as his form of love

-he’s the type to pass out next to you after drinking too much and you also sleeping in his arms

-other than that he’s there for you but he’s more casual in the way he approaches it

That’s all for me for now! I’ll be making part 2 later which will feature Engi, sniper and pyro !!

Thanks a lot babes and I appreciate the love and support! Bye-bye!

[houseofbrat]

With Kate, Charles, and now Camilla out of commission, his face should be everywhere representing the stability and continuity of the monarchy, especially as its future. That it’s not is pretty mystifying, I’d love to know the conversations going on behind closed doors.

That's just it. If he were William Smith, working in logistics at Amazon with a sick wife and no full-time child care for his three kids, then, heck yes, any thinking person would be in favor of his needing some time off, and certainly a great deal of flexibility in his schedule. But he has so much help at his disposal, and if Catherine is recovering nicely, he needs to go to work. Consistently.

Except they have both been "easing into their roles" since they got married. That is getting stale.

These sassy spokesmen really aren’t helping the Waleses.

It's William's "incandescent rage" in PR form. Maybe Kate softened their statements but she's MIA so William's inner dialogue is coming out unfiltered.

"His focus is on his work and not on social media," a spokesman says.

I'm a communications director and manage PR/crisis communications for a large organization in the U.S. And every time I read something from the Kensington communications camp lately, I roll my eyes. They get themselves in deeper every time there's an update.

My highly unsolicited and unwanted advice: Walk it all back, be transparent, and try to salvage this debacle. And if you can't do that: Just. Shut. Up. They're doing William and Catherine no favors, and their snarkiness makes them look so incredibly inept.

I am just a graduate from Kardashian School of Pap Walks and I am completely appalled by this. Kris Jenner would never agree with this clapback.

The insane thing to me is that they (KP) were doing a great job with this all of last year??

When the H&M doc came out, all the royals were smart enough to make sure they were consistently seen working and not commenting on their personal lives. How the hell did they forget that PR 101 principle so fast…

Poor leaders often hire other poor leaders. The rot comes from the top.

What work?

KP keeps digging their grave. Is it so hard to be polite and not hostile and combative?

William doesn't listen to anyone.

It’s less about when she’s coming back and more about the fact they’ve said absolutely nothing about why she disappeared beyond “abdominal surgery,” which is so vague that it’s clearly a half-truth. I think many people thought there would be more transparency, and the fact that there’s not just leaves people to speculate. If it was something benign, there’d be no reason not to make a statement, but they’ve gone so long that nobody will believe them now even if they said “oh she just had her appendix out” or something like that. They say “abdominal surgery” and a lot of people took that to mean “stomach pumped” (which I gotta admit, wouldn’t be difficult to believe knowing what previous married-in royal women have gone through).

[dykeferatu]

hi... i hope you dont mind this but u should talk about taeho and parker.... deathly curious. what're both of their general deals? ik taeho is a tzimisce but not much else otherwise :^)

OF COURSE I DON'T MIND!! i dont think anyones ever just asked me to explain my ocs i usually just babble about them and i assume everyone just goes "who the hell are they talking about" and moves on. unless they are my fwiends who i'm insane abt ocs with on the reg. anyway, thank u so so much for asking!! infodump commences

i'll start with parker because she hasn't had any session yet so her lore is not deep, and since at least one other player will likely read this i can't quite reveal all the fun bits yet! here's the only drawing i have atm. subject to change but this is the vibe

parker (she/her) is a 21 year old skater chick (and lesbian) in the year 2007. she recently had an experience that turned her onto the path of a hunter. one of her friends was attacked by Something a few nights ago. she hit the thing with a bat (she used to play softball :D) but it didn't seem to phase it. at one point when she was checking out the crime scene, she ran into... her old high school english teacher. the victim was 18 and a current student of his, and he was curious about the incident too.

the two teamed up on their investigation and met an occult bookstore owner who took interest and told them she might know a guy who can help. all 4 of them will meet up for the first time in the first session on saturday :>

----

now, taeho..... taeho taeho. shim taeho (he/she) is a south korean cybernetics expert in the year 2077 (so many sevens in these years. that's a coincidence). she was a cybernetic designer/engineer i guess? i don't really know cyberpunk i'll be honest with u. she was also a back-alley ripperdoc. you can only understand so much about cybernetics without installing them yourself :)

(art courtesy of @cradlingsongs)

she made some great achievements in her field, which attracted the attention of a tzimisce, jaeyoon (they/them). jaeyoon was interested in figuring out the mechanics of cybernetics on kindred, so they embraced taeho to be both a lab partner and a guinea pig. they also didn't let taeho leave the haven often because the camarilla was not welcoming to them. he'd only ever fed on their vitae until recently. no hard feelings, though! taeho loves her sire (why yes, he is Mega Blood Bonded, why do you ask?).

their main project together has been developing some sick doc ock tentacles by combining vicissitude and cybernetics. taeho has 2 currently installed. she's a beast with them in combat and it's a delight (when the dice don't hate me...)

anyway, after about 8 years of being holed up with his sire, the city they reside in was attacked by the SI. jaeyoon didn't come home, and taeho was left all alone. she waited, but eventually he knew he had to leave. she fled to the nearby city of seoul.

since it was his understanding that a tzimisce weren't really allowed in the camarilla, taeho decided to masquerade as another clan. and what other clan should she choose but the fucking tremere? look. he knows he has very nerdy energy so she figured she could blend in. plus, he was very curious about blood sorcery. could never quite figure out all that koldunic stuff.

since then she's been eating shit as a cammie scrub in a coterie of other scrubs (or, originally other scrubs. some players have rotated out and now half the coterie is much better off than taeho and the other refugee in the coterie). shenanigans have ensued, most notably for him when he got trapped into a marriage with a changeling that ended in a very messy divorce. uh. taeho may have been marked by the changeling relative that escaped the blood bath. it's fine.

i also have to include that this particular chronicle is, honestly, very horny. which is a lot of taeho's fault (but not entirely... *side-eyes lavender and her regnant*). for some reason his autistic swag is so strong that she has gotten laid THRICE since we started playing. none of the other pcs have done that even once... you'd probably expect the mafia girlboss or the sexy lasombra who takes every opportunity to take his shirt off to be pulling more, but you'd be wrong.

in recent events: a couple sessions ago taeho reunited with her sire! he cried like a baby, finally got to do some fleshcrafting (she had been feeling very trapped in this form... had a bit of a gender crisis. he's still figuring out exactly what's going on in that regard but hey the egg has definitely cracked, hence the new set of pronouns), and then had some. fun times. with her beloved sire. unfortunately, due to reasons, he can't stay with them. also they've been cursed somehow so taeho has to figure that out now. it's fine.

more recent events: taeho's regent/mentor seems to be reaching his limit on tolerating taeho's secretiveness. he's known that taeho has been lying about her clan since, like, almost the start. this regent is a very unusual tremere, and didn't immediately reveal taeho. in fact, he didn't even force taeho to tell him anything. he had already decided to take him under his wing, so that was that.

last session though he got a little fed up with the lack of trust. taeho tried to counter with some rumors he'd heard about the regent, expecting to weasel out, but instead the regent just laid out his whole tragic backstory to her. taeho didn't know how to respond to this, and also still couldn't tell the tremere regent that he was a tzimisce while they were in the middle of a chantry. she felt really bad about not telling the truth, which is weird and fucked up. why does he feel so bad about hurting this tremere??

i think i've said all the important stuff and then some, so i'll wrap it up. ahh.. taeho.... i love her. he's so fun to play. her game has already been going for over a year i think but only recently did he really click in my head. and boy. boy oh boy did he click. dug her cybernetic claws into the folds of my brain. i'm in pain. anyway i have some more art and posts in her tag if u want to check that out wehehehe

[crypticpawpoems]

The Harlequinade's Beginning

I came expecting to deal with the insane.

I never thought I’d become one.

“Dr. Harleen Quinzel?”

“Call me Harley; everyone does.”

I’ve always been fascinated with the human mind

And the most colorful are those of the insane.

I walk and hear a tune, a haunting tune that at the same time

Sounds like it could be heard at a carnival.

I pass. He winks. I stop and look and blush.

Who is he? What secrets does he hold?

His looks are interesting, almost comical.

His face like snow, his hair like a trimmed hedge, his smile like a running red river.

“Be careful,” she warns me.

“He’s dangerous,” she tells me.

“The most difficult mind to crack,” she says.

Really? Interesting, very interesting.

In my office, all new and cleaned, waiting for an inhabitant, me.

Something is waiting for me on my desk,

Catches my eye glittering in the moonlight.

A rose.

A simple, single, red rose.

From J. From J? But how? J must mean him.

I’ll discover his meaning at the source.

I go back. I go back and see him, J, the one who made me blush.

“How did this get into my office? You must’ve gotten out of your cell.

I’ll alert the guards, you know.”

“If you didn’t care, you would have done so long ago,” he says.

He’s right. Can he see into my eyes? Into my soul?

No one has been able to do that before.

It makes me edgy, uncertain, paranoid even, but touched.

“Harley Quinzel,” he says in a silky voice, as smooth as clear waters.

“Mix it up a bit, and you get Harley Quinn!”

“Like the clown character, I know. I’ve heard it before.”

It wasn’t the first time and certainly wasn’t the last.

I didn’t have time to be mocked, made fun of, so I started to walk away.

He called after me, “Wait!”

So I heard him out, and I’m glad I did.

“You’re someone who I feel like I can relate to,

someone I could share my secrets with.”

And that was all it took, all it ever took, for me to become intrigued.

How could I say no

to the opportunity to unscramble the most challenging mind in the asylum?

Was it just because of that? Maybe...maybe not.

The sessions were slow and long, and I remained professional.

Bit by bit, story by story, he chipped away at me.

His tales made me laugh so hard that I cried.

Others made me shed a tear out of pity.

He told me of a caped hero dressed in black who always foiled his plots and plans.

In time, I came to hate the dark hero, too.

Every story, he would come in and interrupt my angel from having his fun.

He had such a rough childhood, and all he wanted was to have fun, enjoy himself.

As much as I’d hate to admit it,

I had fallen in love with my patient.

“Do you think that’s crazy?” I said to him.

“Not at all. You’re a woman of business, and you just needed to unwind and have a good time.”

He and I had switched places, and I was so blinded in love that I didn’t realize how he had craftily wrapped me around his finger.

“Thanks, Doc,” I said,

“Anytime.”

Night vanished and morning came and the first thing I noticed was that he was gone, escaped, all alone in the world and vulnerable to harm.

I was frantic, emotional, on the edge of my seat, waiting for him to come home.

The day passed and night came again.

He returned, but not how I would’ve liked.

I pushed, shoved, elbowed my way through the other doctors to get to him.

Beside him was the ebony justice that he and I despised so much,

Who I loathed even more now that he brought my angel back in such a battered and beat-up state.

I caught him when he fell, held him, comforted him.

Then they dragged him away, away from me, away from my support, away from my love.

In despair, I visited him later after he had been bandaged up only to find him weakened and hurt.

I had to do something, had to make a stand, a change, a difference.

I was done looking back, back to the past.

The time to act was now, to do something I would never ever regret for the rest of my life.

I would give my angel his Harley Quinn.

The toy store had just the right items to break him loose.

The funniest toys were turned into the most deadly weapons.

The clerk soon found out as his unconscious body fell to the stone-hard floor.

As soon as I had nabbed that mask and costume,

Harleen Quinzel had died, and Harley Quinn was born.

Now back in Arkham, I felt changed.

No longer would I roam the halls as an inquisitive psychologist,

But as a deranged criminal.

Under the cover of night, I silently took out any guards in my path until I returned to his cell.

It was risky planting a bomb on the glass and I almost doubted myself if not for his face, the look of his glorious face.

Tick, tick, tick, BOOM!!!

He was awake when I appeared, my astounding introduction now revealed to the entire world seemingly by this very act.

“Knock, knock, Puddin’! Here’s your new and improved Harley Quinn!”

Not only did I act differently, I spoke differently, too.

No more business, no more professionalism, no more rules, just fun, fun, fun!

The car was ready to go and he laughed and laughed all the way out of there and with each chuckle came a surge of happiness within me.

This would be the start of my happily ever after.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Follow on TikTok @crypticpaw.official

[mrsackermannx]

Thank you for your reply. You are really kind ily 🥹🥹

Pcos is really hard to deal with. It has fucked me up so bad. From facial hair to hyperpigmented private parts, it has given me everything. I'm so fucking insecure. It's hard not to be😭 I wanna look pretty. My doc gave me heavy meds I was nauseous the whole time I took the tablet. It was hell. Besides i had severse foodpipe ulcers. Now I'm off tablet. I'm just so much so worried about my hair only. I also had to have dandruff!!! Just my life ugh. I had hair down upto my knees. I had to cut it short as it got tangled all the time and it made extra hairloss. Im jsut 18. Haven't even joined university yet. Other girls are pretty ugh. Sorry I jsut ranted. I'm tempted to just shave my head at times. I cry every night lmao.

It is kinda good to know that I'm not alone (although I hope none of us have to grow through this) and thanks for the "don't"s 🫶🫶

Do you have any scalp washing tips btw?

If I touch my head, there's no hair..it's just touching my scalp directly lol bald me

BEAUTIFUL GIRL OF COURSE! I never want my pcos girlies to feel silenced???😚😚 first of all….Oh the facial hair has been kicking my ass since i was 15 and im 21 girl 😭😭 but i will say, at 19-20 it peaked for me, i hit rock bottom and i do think that the external stress of uni pushed it but i also thing it’s a genuine like canon event for us pcos girlies, i truly believe that until ur pcos really gets you down, you can’t rise up from it. i was the biggest id ever been, lost all my hair, facial hair was insane!!

i mean this in the best way, because I’ve been there girl, i still am there, i get laser on my face and neck, i wash my hair and like it gives me anxiety just washing my hair and seeing the loss, feeling the loss of density, like you i had hair down my back my whole life and i cut it over a year ago and now it has grown back thicker at least bc mine was all straggly at the worst point😭 i KNOW your pain.

BUT everybody always told me that the older i get it will level out and trust me it does!! and it did. im 21 and things have settled, we can only go through this process. i promise you, it gets better. my hair is still thinner but it shines and i put love into it!! i oil my scalp every time i wash it, I’ve been doing it for 8 months religiously.

and girl you are pretty!! i used to read the r/pcos thread a lot bc it made me feel less alone and like, i saw a post once venting about how hard it is having so much maintenance, to wake up and have to shave your face, to be conscious, to have to cover hair loss. that constant weight of having to get up and do all these steps that you feel other women don’t. i know the frustration, i have bumps and marks and body hair that makes me sob if I don’t shave it and then I look down in the shower and it hits me. but it’s also okay to pay for the things like laser or waxing, or learning how to wax etc, we have to manage in any way, we are allowed to prioritise and do things that make us feel beautiful bc we deserve it. we have to adapt rather than hoping it might just disappear, and we have to accept it🥺🩷

but diet is huge!! at least try and have a protein heavy breakfast!! 30g of protein is such an important aim, I promise that makes such a difference. definitely try not to have a lot of sugar in the morning. i only drink water or spearmint tea. matcha tea can be good bc it’s better then coffee, but I never drink caffeine because it’s so bad for us pcos girls especially on an empty stomach!! try and eat good fats!! and also integrating exercise!! and also MANAGE STRESS BABE I MEAN IT

but you are still beautiful, effortlessly and with your ways of coping. there is nothing wrong with us!! don’t be sorry for ranting at all, i also wanted to shave my head at the height of my weight loss i had a huge bald spot and it’s still kinda there 😭 i know this shit is REAL

but definitely check in with a doctor if you can get any advice/meds that could help, maybe a birth control pill could help you but again I don’t recommend that due to my own experiences bc it gave me severe acne, migraines and other things but tbf my hair was lucious😜, pcos is a lot of trial and error and seeing what might work for you.

as far as tips go!! look into Indian/arab/ayuverdic routines on TikTok/youtube!!! look up ways to massage your scalp!!!

here are my fave creators !!

@golabbeauty on tiktok for hair loss, hair oiling, diet, she has pcos herself!

@zoeantonia_ tiktok + instagram!! pcos positivity for facial hair, bloating, skin!! she also gives great diet and workout advice and she’s amazing!!

@mila.magnani on tiktok! pcos creator amazing!!!!!!

but i want you to know that you don’t have to start everything now, that you can eat something one creator says not to!! you will find your rhythm with this! steal, twist, tailor everything you hear and see creators doing !! whether it’s making your own mixture of oils for oiling or making some kind of nightly mock tail for your hormones you’ve found!! either way i believe in you and im always here <3333 educate yourself but don’t overwhelm yourself! time is your biggest ally, my heart goes out to you angel <3

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello ! This is pukey Saeyoung anon.

I’m comin off anon bc honestly that shit is too much work. Pretty sure being sick this long has fried any last sense of inhibition or shame in my brain and I think everyone deserves to know how much I love Saeyoung smh. The extent to which that is my Mans. I will publicly gush if I so please. 😤😤

Plus! I’m pleased to report that I haven’t actually thrown up in about two weeks! So like. Hashtag recovery life I guess. 💀

But that’s what I came here to update you about. :’D

I feel like I kinda left you with a cliffhanger there with the whole bone cancer thing. (If it makes you feel any better, the hospital did too 👁👄👁)

November was very much,,, a terrible horrible no good very bad type of month. I spent nearly two weeks waiting for them to get back to me about my dumb bone marrow autopsy only for them to cancel my appointment last minute. And in the meantime I was just getting sicker and sicker… I ended up in and out of the hospital again a couple times,, but by the third time I was scared to go back bc the second time I went they didn’t even admit me overnight. They basically just charged me $700 to take a four hour nap. And cha boy doesn’t have that kinda money. 😭

But it got to the point that I really physically couldn’t take it anymore… I have never been in so much pain and discomfort in my entire life. Which unfortunately with the life I’ve had,, that’s a high ass bar lmao.

And it was just CONSTANT… I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t look at any screens. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stand. I was literally too weak to even pull a blanket up over myself. I literally was spending every night sobbing/shivering/barfing myself to sleep. It was baaaaaaad.

Luckily my roommate at this point had probably started to get annoyed by hearing me crying from pain all night and was like “dude I’m taking you to the hospital again”

And my third hospital visit !! They FINALLY gave me an answer as to wtf is going on!

Good news is…? Not bone cancer. I don’t have to enter my Deadpool era Quite yet.

Bad news…? Apparently I’ve got fuckin Lupus 🤡

Which is super cute and fun because,, you know. Incurable lifelong chronic illness. I’m literally gonna be dealing with this shit for the rest of my life. :)

But like. It’s a perfectly livable disease. As long as it’s, you know. Actually being taken care of and treated. Which I now have enough info to actually do haha.

(Hit the self-loathing so hard that even my own fuckin immune system was like, oh shit we gotta take this bitch DOWN 💀)

I’m soooo glad to be home and back from the hospital… but it’s been very strange too. I’m still really sick and I can’t really do much on my own and,,, my brain physically doesn’t know how to process being like,, taken care of. Honestly it kinda sets off alarm bells in my brain 😳 but I’ve had to accept pretty damn quickly that,, I don’t really have a choice rn. I’m so used to just being on my own pushing through all my pain and just. Waiting till it goes away on its own. But if I do that in this case… the pain will just get worse and my body will quite literally shut down on me and I will literally die. Sooooo like,,,, 🤡 I guess maybe I can stand to be taken care of for at least a little while.

Doc says with all the damage that’s been done to my organs and stuff this past year, they caught it early enough that the damage is reversible. But I need to undergo a really strict recovery treatment,, and they estimate it’ll be at least 18 months before I’m able to get back to my ~normal healthy baseline~. Which is insane… like am I really gonna be out here living like a sickly hermit for a damn year and a half?? I’m gonna keep feeling better, I know. And I’ll slowly be able to do more again. But I can’t go back to my job. It was causing me waaay too much physical and mental strain. :( so that’s gonna be fun to figure out.

They also put me on literally 12 new medications when I left the hospital to help control my symptoms. Each of which I have to take 1-3 times a day. So that’s super exciting. Love a big bowl of pills for breakfast every morning.

It was torture at first because I hate swallowing pills. But it’s been about a week and I’m honestly getting used to it already. And better yet? Even after only a week… they’re noticeably helping my symptoms… and I’m actually starting to be able to do things again… I *almost* feel like, 60% of a normal human person again,,, maybe even 65%! I’m slowly starting to regain my appetite finally… and I can do little things again… like play the new Pokémon game, or watch anime, or draw, or call a friend on the phone. Which… god what a relief 😭 words cannot describe how good it feels to be able to do those things again… frankly,, it was traumatic having to spend the last few months watching my body physically deteriorate in real time… so now that I’m starting to feel like myself again, if only a little. I’m like. Hey?? I actually love myself so much???? I think I’m a pretty cool fun interesting person. Thank GOD I’m making a comeback 😭😭

Saeyoung of course has been a great source of comfort for me throughout all of this… he always is one of my biggest sources of comfort in life… literally even just imagining him being in the same room as me is enough to put me more at ease…

When things were at their worst a big part of how I dealt with shit was vividly daydreaming about making up silly stories with Saeyoung to distract me. This is something I’ve done for years when I’m too upset or stressed to sleep,,, it’s been a reliable source of comfort for me for a hot minute. But it’s never gotten to this extent haha.

We have a whole ass story going,, I’m actually starting to get pretty attached to the story and the characters… which is stupid AF because it’s literally just. Me and Saeyoung Choi as fantasy self-inserts wherein he’s a court jester and I’m a knight and we’re going on a quest to ~find a cure for my mysterious illness~

But a part of me is like 🥺🤔 what if I actually wrote the story tho? Lmaoooo

Amongst other coping mechanisms and distractions,,, I’ve also been falling HARD into my online shopping addiction. But also, idk, can you blame me…? I’m a material gowrl at heart and I haven’t been able to go shopping in person for months 😔😔 I need little treats to get me through the day.

Mostly I’ve been spending an UNGODLY amount of money on plushies. Like… idk if I could count them and I don’t even wanna THINK about the prices fhdhdjd-

Mostly Pokémon and Sanrio characters. But a few other random critters as well.

And tbh?? I don’t regret a single purchase. They’ve literally all helped me feel more comfortable and joyful these past couple months, which I’ve really needed. So, even if my bed is starting to look RIDICULOUS from sheer volume of plushies…. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m living my best life

A few days ago I got a giant charmander plushy… and like. Ordinarily I’m not even the biggest fan of charmander (shut UP ABOUT CHARIZARD GAMEFREAK. IM OVER IT. GEN 1 IS POPULAR WE GET IT)

But I swear to god this young man is changing my life. It may be the softest squishiest most huggable plush I’ve ever encountered. I’ve been carrying him almost everywhere,,, starting to feel like the “ahh yes. Me, my partner, and their life sized mareep plushy” meme for real 💀💀

((How do you think Saeyoung would feel about me turning our bed into a literal mountain of plushies? Or having to compete for attention with my charmander? Hehe. ))

THERES ONLY ONE MORE THING I WANTED TO SAY…

If you’re actually taking the time to read all of this,,, holy shit thank you. And thank you for providing lonely bitches like me this outlet c’: to be able to talk… and share comfort… and express our deep love for these characters without fear of judgement. It’s really just such a lovely blog and I can never thank you enough.

But the last topic I wanted to touch on!!!

Ugh,,, I read your answer to the ask about Saeyoung with an MC into pastel goth fashion and…

That made me so happy 😭😭❤️❤️

I love fashion,,, so much. Truly one of my greatest joys in life is getting into a really cool fun outfit and strutting around Knowing that I’m cool as fuck and I look like a sexy badass 😤😤 it’s simply the most powerful feeling.

Love when I’m wearing an outfit I know looks fire and I can’t stop smirking haha.

And I just,,, love being flamboyant and silly and having fun with it. I’m 100% the type of person to walk into a store and go “this is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. The colors and patterns are such a mess they’re practically nauseating. I NEED IT.”

I have a collection of tacky button up shirts that could probably blind a man lmao. And JACKETS?? Don’t get me started on jackets. Boots,,, cargo pants,,, earrings,,, big colorful sunglasses. Ugh. <3

Since I’ve been so sick I haven’t been putting much effort into my appearance. My outfits were so joyless for a while… and then, well. I’ve spent the last month and a half wearing exclusively Pajamas and Hospital Gowns 😭

Considering that my main fashion inspirations ordinarily fall somewhere between Elton John, Lil nas x, and Jojo’s bizarre adventure…

Quite the glow down haha

I don’t think I realized fully how much I missed that until I read your ask…

You inspired me to go looking for some fun new clothes online. And now I’m feeling so excited and impatient for them to get here because I can’t remember the last time I got to put together a fun outfit… I actually wanna like,, get up and get dressed for the first time in so long c’: if only to waltz around my apartment a little bit and take a few selfies.

I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get back to my FULL level of glamour,, my inflammation is still pretty bad so my face and body are kinda weird and swollen and lumpy right now 🥴 and again,,, standing and walking are still very much a challenge. Idk if I could wear heels right now haha I’m wobbly enough on my feet already.

But I can’t wait to get back into it…

Like you were saying in that ask too… another part of why I love fashion defs has to do with my gender expression… and I LOVE LOVE LOVE when people bring that up with Saeyoung 😭 it always makes me grin and fills me with so much adoration to think about Sae getting to have fun and experience that euphoria with clothing and fashion as well… and especially the thought of us getting to do it together….? c’:

Literally a concept that is SO important and special to me 😭❤️❤️

Idk what kinda wonky matching outfits we’d be putting together but I know that we would look so fuckin cool and hot 😤😤 and best of all we could have so much fun. Which… tbh, there’s nothing more I could ask for in life.

Plus of course,,, there’s always the added fun of self indulgently getting to imagine Saeyoung admiring and complimenting me on my fashion :’D and like,,, thinking I’m cool or whatever 😭

Anyways! Those are all the things I wanted to say.

If you’re still reading this,, //what’s wrong with you bahaha I’m such a rambly mess

But like. Thank you. And deadass if this is too long to read or respond to feel free to leave it in your inbox or just delete it.

Honestly it was just really nice to be able to type out all these thoughts just to sorta. Get it out and decompress, ya know…? c’:

I hope you have an absolutely beautiful day.

While I am happy to hear that you have a better understanding of what's going on in your life, I'm sorry you're going through this transitional time when you discover that you have chronic illness. That has to be the most difficult time for a lot of people. You have to make a lot of adjustments and make changes that you may not be happy with to make sure that you're taken care of. I empathize and understand this because I deal with multiple chronic illnesses. If you ever need a safe space to vent about it, this is always a safe spot. Whether you want it to be posted or not, you can always scream into the inbox.

I hope you don't beat yourself up over the new limitations and changes that are coming into your life. It'll be hard for a little while to get used to everything. But it'll be okay. I can't promise that it'll be easy in the long run. This journey is a lot different for everybody. I think what helps when you feel lonely and isolated in that regard, is to find comfort in the things that make you happy and if that is this video game, then I'm glad that you have it. It's been there for me through all of my experiences so I'm also grateful for it.

I know what it feels like to be lonely and afraid. Having my blog like this... it’s a place where I’m able to help everyone’s dream. It’s simple, it’s small, but I know even the smallest response of “Yes, your favorite character would do this for you today!” means the world to someone on their worst day. I hope that you’re able to find some spoons to dress up and feel good very soon. It’s hard to find a good day sometimes, but you’ll have soon, I’ll cross my fingers for you.

Imagine that, I mean, imagine Saeyoung gushing over you because you found the energy to get up and show off your new outfit. There’s dazzling sparkles in his eyes as he looks at you. His hands are pressed to his mouth, and he looks like he’s going to keel over in delight. He’s absolutely enamored and in love with the sight of you. “You’re so handsome! I can’t take it! I’m in the presence of the best lover! I think I’m the luckiest boyfriend in the world!” Cue him pretending to faint before you ask him if he’s getting dressed, too.

That’s when he springs back up: “Wait, wait, wait, I’ve got the perfect dress that’ll match this. I’ll even let you pick my hair style for the day!”

[winderlylandchime]

Okay so two tiny stories about what happened with my idiot brother. First if all: He went on an insane rant after the episode about Lindsay and her cheating on pregnant Mel and how that was the same shit that happened in s1. Which I fully agree. He has a lot of feelings about the sam plot, not one of them is good. Except, he didn’t go on his rant to me but instead on one of the poor new nurses/interns at the hospital. The poor girl didn’t even know who or what he was talking about because the idiot slipped up a few times and said words like ‘my Brian/my Justin, How will i be able to watch Gus deal with this’ and so on, so it kind of sounded like he was talking about a friend. And he kept going on and on and the poor girl was GIVING HIM ADVICE! And also listening as if she was getting some amazing gossip. Only for one of the other nurses to walk in that does know him and before she left the room she pointed to him and went ‘and don’t pay attention to anything he says. He’s talking about a tv show not real people’ and the new nurse looked at him all shocked and this moron looks at her and goes ‘if it makes you feel better, they are real to me’

And then the second little story: he called our mom and left her multiple texts and voice memos and majority of them were about Brian and his cancer. But she’s a smart woman, so she didn’t answer. However he found a brand new victim. Our uncle. He called him and started talking about Brian and Justin as if they were his friends and i can hear the conversation because it’s on speaker and our uncle goes ‘(his name) is this about that show that your mom warned me about? That she specifically told me to not let you talk to me about it because you’re acting weird about it?’ And he goes ‘off the record? Yes, and i AM worried! AND FOR A GOOD REASON! Bri Bri has cancer and even though he’s doing better, cancer is cancer! And it’s scary. And then there’s Justin and theyre getting closer and closer and I can tell that Brian is seconds away from saying I love you. He’s changed so much this season. But on the record? I have no clue what show you’re talking about, never heard of it, so don’t even think about telling on me to mom’ And then the next thing that we hear is our mom on the phone going ‘(his name), youre on speaker. And you promised youd try and act normal about this show’ and this moron went ‘sorry, wrong number’ and then hung up. This man is an actual legal adult.

DEAR SWEET ANON! I AM DYING OF LAUGHTER.

“if it makes you feel better, they are real to me” I AM DEAD.

HE WAS ON SPEAKER AND YOUR MOM WAS THERE. Busted! I came back from the dead just to die again at “sorry, wrong number.”

HE IS TOO MUCH. He is what I would be like if I didn’t have any embarrassment. My post doc screens intakes for my practice and we were joking around about how everyone should submit a list of celebrities they could not be a therapist to because they know too much about them (and because of where we work this is a legit concern). My post doc asked who I could not be a therapist to and I had to say a currently famous person rather than Gale Harold because how the fuck would I explain who Gale is to me? Your brother would just launch right into it! And good for him.

[atherix]

Cracked open a word doc for this because this one is gonna be long, settle in. It might be screaming. It’s probably mostly gonna be screaming. Frankly. God. I read this for the first time at 6 am.

GOD THE CALM AFTER THE STORM THE WAY THIS STORY STARTS MAKES ME INSANE GOD THE PARALLELS??????? THE FACT THAT RIGHT FROM THE START I JUST WANTED TO SCREAM BECAUSE SCAR’S HAIR HAD LEAVES AND STICKS AND BLOOD IN IT? AHHH I do love that it took the three of them to be this beat up to actually lay it all out on the table to be honest. It’s very fitting. I do also love how they only talked about what they were supposed to talk about for like 5 minutes before completely derailing to emotionally devastate themselves and each other

Related but the fact that they never come back to grian going up against blondie on his own is so funny the man avoided so hard that he would rather tell them he killed three gods. Mood, Grian.

‘I don’t want people dying because of me’ HIT ME LIKE A SACK OF BRICKS, FYI. SCAR. SCAR. I AM HOLDING HIM BY HIS WET AND PATHETIC FACE. GOD AND IT ONLY GOT WORSE AS HE TALKED ABOUT HIS DAD, AND JUST. AHHHH.

Now. We are going to deal with the fact that Grian can SPEAK ANCIENT bc of the WATCHER BIBLE because its making me insane. He’s got two supernatural boyfriends who speak their language [and I think the fae had their own?] AND Natural and Grian just. Casually. Bc of this holy tome. Knows Ancient and didn’t even realize it was disconnected from Avian bc of the midnight alley. I’m. I am shaking him.

WE’RE ALSO GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE CHANGELING THING. ‘Don’t worry about it’ SCAR I AM GOING TO. Especially w my secret friend knowledge slkdfhs GOD. I AM WORRIED

And then the whole magic flux thing and scar’s dad dying and SCAR WATCHING HIS DAD DIE AUGH. The fact that this whole time everyone’s been saying watching a sorcerer go out isn’t pretty and somehow I didn’t properly connect the dots until the lead up to the talking about it my LITTLE HEART AH. This scene genuinely made me cry while I was reading it.

AND THEY’RE ALL HOLDING ONTO EACH OTHER YOUR HONOR GOD. THIS IS WHAT THEY DESERVE FINALLY. I AM CAPTURING THIS MOMENT IN A BOTTLE AND NEVER LETTING IT GO. MY HANDS ARE CUPPED AROUND IT SO I CAN PEEK IN AT IT AND GIGGLE AND SQUEE SOME MORE. GRIAN IS USING HIS WING AS A BLANKET. A SHIELD. A GROUNDING MECHANISM. AHHH

I love that with Scar the story always come back to not being able to make decisions for other people. It’s a cycle – Scar tries to let go of that part of himself, something happens that puts someone in danger, he clams back up but he clams up too tight and gets himself on the path to hurting himself, someone puts him  on the right path – ad infimum until the cycle breaks. God. Parallels between that and Mumbo’s ‘Putting myself back out there to try and do some good – Oh god Ive fucked up and everything is bad – I need to hole myself away for decades and hide from my mistakes – the coast is clear and this time I’ll do it right’. Mwah.

Also the Dad stuff going on here. How Scar and Mumbo get either other on a deeper level because they are/were parents. They can put themselves in each others shoes in a way grian can’t [yet]. But also Grian fucking chirping and making bird noises is. So.

‘I was useless as a natural and Im useless now” right okay that’s why Scar has what I believe to be a good handful of history books ABOUT YOU AND HOW USEFUL YOU WERE EVERY STEP OF THE WAY IN YOUR LIFE okay jumbo. But god also the fact that the thing he talked about was all his friends dying in the revoltion and not his wife getting slaughtered means that is probably still locked away so tight in his lil noggin oh boy. That’s gonna rear its head hard and fast one day if I know anything about you. But also ‘a memory only he can pass on’ H I T me. Like a moving car.

And then all his kids dying lsdakg this poor dude. He just wanted a kid. [its fine hes got tubbo now] and then Anna dlgkfh lord. Mumbooooooooooo

I did notice he didn’t actually talk about Anna he just got in his head and G O D that is gonna come back to bite all of them in the ass at some point huh. Isnt it.

‘four and a half centuries is plenty of time’ NO????? FOUR AND HALF CENTURIES IS PLENTY OF TIME TO HAVE MORE TRAGEDY, SURE. SURE. RECOVERY? NO.

Also his name being Alexandre Moore is so cute and fitting for c!Mumbo wow. Mwah. AND I WANT HIM TO START INVENTING AGAIN PLEASE THE REDSTONE CONSTANTLY BUZZING IN MY HEAD BEGS FOR IT LDKSGHSD

Also grians nestmates are fucking dead aren’t they. They’re like absolutely fucking deceased in that cave huh. Bottom of the cavern, never came out? Dead. Dead dead.

But the fact that Grian talks about being chosen but he was just like a servant l;dsaghklllkdf a servant to the watchers is my guess that fucks me up so bad like he thought his life was so elevated and im never ognna forget when him and scar were talking and scar realized grian was definitely not a noble im.

And the WAY grian talks himself in circles and into corners like Scar and Mumbo’s shit is clearly emotionally devastating but they’ve clearly at least processed it somewhat but we KNOW bc we’re often is grian’s pov that he avoids even thinking about midnight alley for himself so he probably hasn’t processed anything properly and ahhhhh just the way he talks about midnight alley is so different from how scar talked about his dad or mumbo talked about his friends and family. Part of that is character difference sure but. But part of that is definitely that grian hasn’t actually processed anything isn’t it. Oh god going to the alley again is going to fuck the three of them up like crazy isn’t it.

AND THEN THE WHOLE DREAM THING ON TOP OF THAT TOO I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT GRIAN WAS ACTUALLY UNWORTHY BECAUSE IF HE WAS THEN WHY THE HELL IS HE HAVING PROPHETIC DREAMS!!! Heres a theory I just pulled out of my ass – Grian was already a watcher, he didn’t absorb a watcher soul when he killed three of them because he was already a godling. Something about the fact that he’s held onto the god soul for 2 years with basically no side effects. Somethings not adding up here. His body should be having to fight it based on how Scar is talking about it – ATHERIX I AM SHAKING YOU

GOD AND THE FACT THAT GRIAN IS THINKING OF WHEN SCAR GOT SHOT WITH WITHER BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN SOMEONE WITHERS AND THEN ALSO THE FACT THAT HE’S THINKING ABOUT IT NOW AND THERES GOTTA BE SOME PART OF HIM PARANOID BLONDIE IS GOING TO COME BACK FOR THEM

And then the fact that Mumbo and Scar and Fate and Tying Grian back to everything good that’s happened and the way it grounds him I am shaking the bars of my enclosure like a New York sewer rat.

And the fact that theyre all sitting there realizing that Grian is now basically a ticking time bomb the same way scar is. That Mumbo is realizing sitting there that his mates, the two people he loves as deeply as he loved Anna, are ticking time bombs. That Scar who just confessed he doesn’t want people to die because of him, is now looking at his boyfriend like hes a ticking time bomb. DESPITE ALL MY RAGE I AM STILL JUST A RAT IN A CAGE. AND GRIAN DOESN’T EVEN REALLY PROCESS IT EITHER DOES HE he just files it away in his ‘Traumatic Junk’ FOLDER.

AND THEN THEY’RE GOING TO GO TO MIDNIGHT ALLEY AND GOD I CAN ALREADY FEEL THAT THIS IS GOING TO BE A DISASTER IN THE HIGHEST REGARD AND I AM SO READY.

BUT then they go to bed and mumbo has to go to bed with thew knowledge that both his mates are ticking time bombs and he doesn’t know how to stop it. I AM SHAKING YOU SO HARSHLY.

See me cracking my fingers bc I need to go to bed but I'm stubborn-

YEAH MY MANS WAS MESSED UP HJFSKJS. I mean what's a little emotional instability without Near Death Experiences to highlight what's at stake here hjgfkfd Ah yes, avoidance. They're all very good at that. Nothing like a good Emotional Talk to distract from the fact that they'd all rather let themselves die than Inconvenience Each Other or Put Each Other In Danger hjkgfdkjfd

Look, man swerved so hard they ended up on a completely different plane. What's a little battle against Blondie when you find out you're dating a literal god-

YEAH. YEAH YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD IT WAS TO RESIST TALKING ABOUT THAT BACKSTORY I AM HFSKJKJS I WANNA HUG HIM. And today you learned something that makes this even worse heheh-

Yis, the Fae have their own language yis <3 Haha Midnight Alley speaks Avian and reads/writes Ancient. Honestly it's a miracle Grian even knows Natural. Wonder if he had to crash-course learn it in his first year out of the Alley because I highly doubt they taught it there :) hehe-

LMAAOOOO you have every right to be worried. Scar has too much faith honestly <3

This is even funnier considering I PROBABLY GAVE YOU MORE HINTS TO IT THAN ANYONE ELSE LMAAOOOO JKFSKJS good good, I was going for emotional devastation. Max angst and trauma for the little Elf man AND the readers-

YES OMG I LOVE WINGED CHARACTERS USING THEIR WINGS AS SHIELDS/BLANKETS I AM KJKFSKS I LOVE IT SO MUCH <3 They will have more days like this HOPEFULLY HAPPIER ONES JHFSJKDS-

You get it <3 I love parallels and bookends and themes. Vicious cycles that need to be broken and lessons that need to be learned and just jhfdjksk it's something I wanted to explore from the start with this story. It's all about the regrets and the fears. Mumbo learning to accept he's a Vampire and taking his place in Vampire society, Scar learning to accept that he deserves to be happy, too, and he can't make the decision for other people...... also has anyone noticed the irony in Scar? He rejects a lot of his Fae instincts and attributes because Fae magic is naturally manipulative and he doesn't want to control people, but then he tries to manipulate them anyway. Has- has anyone noticed this? I'm-

LOOK. I love that Scar and Mumbo have that Dad to Dad communication and understanding <3 And you just KNOW if Mumbo had found out about Tubbo earlier things would have been so Different jhfskj I love it. ALSO GRIAN deserves to make bird sounds sorry not sorry <3

Hahaha he sure skipped over that part :) You know. Blondie looks a LOT like her sister. I'm sure that :) won't come back to bite :) The fact that he instantly stumbled when talking about Anna dying :) The fact he froze up when Blondie got Grian :):) hehe. LOOK. LOOK. Something that KILLS me about history is that there are SO MANY LITTLE THINGS we will never know, because they weren't "important" enough to record and only the people who were there could ever pass it down. It destroys me on a deep emotional level so I knew I had to include that line somehow-

Pretty weird how all three children died huh- cough cough anyway he will acquire children one day <3 Which sounds. Vaguely threatening but I swear it's wholesome, he becomes Dad again <3 Though the moment Tubbo realizes Mumbo has elevated to Other Father is hilariously tragic but. But. You know all about that-

Heheh :) Maybe :)

YEAH BUT ALSO THE FACT HE BOTTLED IT ALL UP AND TRIED NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT AND TOLD NO ONE HJKJKHSKJS-

The name popped into my head and I was immediately like "Yep that's it <3" HE WILL START INVENTING AGAIN I PROMISE. HE WILL REAWAKEN THE PASSION <3

:) Hahaha guess you'll have to wait for Midnight Alley to find out huh :)

Grian's life view was greatly skewed growing up, he was too young to really understand what was happening and by the time he was old enough it was just Normal to him and he felt like he owed them so much... hjfkjskd sometimes I think about that scene from Scar's perspective tbh, just listening to Grian talk about his life inside the Midnight Palace and unconsciously comparing it to your own and realizing This Is Not The Same and just jkfgdkjdk-

YEAH. They may not have recovered but they've at least processed. Grian has been avoiding this for- gee, I think in-story it's been almost 4 years now?? I know my timeline is vague as SHIT but Midnight Misunderstandings didn't happen until nearly a year after Grian met Scar, so this conversation comes roughly 4 years after Grian left Midnight Alley. That's 4 years he's been avoiding even thinking about this shit. (quick timeline note- Tubbo turned 18 shortly after Scar met Grian; this is when Scar told Grian he has an apprentice now. Tubbo is 19 during Midnight Visit, and now Tubbo's 20th birthday is approaching- so it's been roughly 2 years since Grian met Scar and Mumbo hjkfdkj.) Hahaha going to the Alley is. Going to uh. Be. Um. Yeah :) That is going to be Fun and I am CHOMPING to start writing it-

Haha I told you on Discord but you're paaaartially correct here, not 100% but definitely onto something :) But you know. It's interesting :) Isn't it :) that all of this stuff with the Watchers is happening now :) After Grian has Mumbo and Scar and the Coven... :) You know. Like he. Uh. Like he's fulfilled part of the Tenets to be a Watcher. :)

Grian will Always be on the lookout for Blondie now. Soft moments? He's glancing around. No more walks in the woods at 2 AM, no more dancing in the clearing, none of that. He is. Definitely worried. :)

KFSKLFJKS yesssss. Grian came into their lives and broke down Scar's walls at exactly the right moment and just. So much would be different if Grian wasn't there and if that's not Fate then idk what is hjfgdkkd-

Grian is very good at compartmentalizing. Unfortunately he's NOT good at the "get back to it later" part. This bird man. I swear- BUT YEAH HHHJSHJ Mumbo already having to deal with and accept that Scar is basically one magic overload from his deathbed finding out Grian is one step from either Death or Immortality and just hjfdhjsjks it's scary fhjdskfds SHAKE THE BARS ON YOUR RAT CAGE HEHEH-

I WANT YOU TO KNOW. THAT I HAVE BEEN EAGERLY AWAITING MIDNIGHT ALLEY FOR NEARLY TWENTY PARTS NOW.

Hehehehehe I hope they sleep well :) I'm sure there won't be any nightmares after this :) I'm sure Mumbo will sleep just fine even knowing that both his mates could literally die any minute-

[thatoneao3author]

gallavich soulmate au concept

okay guys i wanna write this at some point but i’m sharing it anyways! gallavich soulmate au time, tilted ‘in words only we can understand (tell me you love me)’ in my brainstorming doc

so soulmates exist, but everyone has a different connection to theirs. there’s familial and platonic and romantic but they’re all different 

like fiona has the ‘first words they say to you are on your body’ thing, lip has the ‘can hear the music they’re listening to’ thing, maybe debbie has the red string of fate. whatever it is, it’s different for everyone 

you kinda have to figure it out so that you know when you’ve met your soulmate, but for some people it’s not as easy to put together

for example. ian and mickey. when they’re young, they start speaking in a language that simply does not exist. at all, to anyone else. 

it makes perfect sense to them. if they record themselves and listen back to it, they know what they’re saying. if they write stuff down and read it later they know what it says. like, it’s a full out language they just know 

it feels more natural to speak in this language than english, but this language doesn’t exist for the rest of the world so they have to grow out of using it. it becomes a thing where if they’re writing something they don’t want others to know or saying a stray thought out loud, they might use it, but that’s it.

lip maybe knows a little bit from ian but since there isn’t like, a textbook, he’s not fluent or anything. it’s just a few words that ian’s taught him, that’s it. this isn’t a super important detail, it could just be a fun dynamic of him picking up on key words from ian’s sentences 

so by the time ian and mickey meet, they both rarely use this language and are generally used to keeping it secret to not seem absolutely insane. and since that’s the only connection they have, they are both just kinda like ‘oh i’m probably not gonna find my soulmate.’ 

there’s a few ways the concept can go from here. 

maybe they HATE each other and are forced to do something together and one of them slips up and says a word in their language and now they have to deal with that

maybe they’re casually dating and it’s great and when the topic of soulmates comes up, ian speaks in the language and mickey is like “pardon me?” and now the relationship can’t be casual anymore because they’re soulmates 

this fic would probably be like, a oneshot or a few chapters just of them finally finding the person that understands them in a world where no one else can 

some fun shenanigans of speaking and no one else knowing what they’re up to, as well

i wanna mess with setting/situation and stuff too, like ignore the cannon timeline, so i’m not sure of the plot. but i liked the idea and wanted to share it

feel free to reblog/reply with any additional ideas <3

[backpackingspace]

okay were getting deep oversharing with the internet times bc I'm going to react to dw through my trauma lense. Specifically hell bent and heaven sent here we go.

So far so good.

Listen will I be grateful if these episodes no longer trigger me to hell and back. Will I also be pissed that I've spent years being triggered by this show when the original trigger episodes no long trigger me? Yes. Yes I will be.

Never mind there will be no deeper meaning sound here the doctor is trying to dry his doc martins up right and laced up and its annoyed me so much it's all I will associate with this episode now.

The doctor talking himself into being brave o.o baby. Also me. Talking myself into doing anything with heights.

Sprays last thought like a cat no bad. Making me based comparisons is how this whole mess got started

Oh. Yep there it is. Being forced to relive the things that scares you on purpose forever. "I'm scared and I'm alone" ha ha yah fuck

Okay listen self. If the doctor being forced to relive his wrost fears on purpose is torture than you being forced to relive your worst fear is torture. I know we don't want to accept that don't want to accept its that bad but it is.

Oh hey the losing time thing too?? Haha yah

The sleep deprivation

"Maybe I'm in hell" "how long do I have to be here? Forever?" Yah it sure did feel that that.

"Asking a skull if it's still scared" yah passively contemplating death so I didn't have to be scared anymore. That sure was a thing.

"There's something I'm missing and I think it's something terrible" literally shut the hell up

Im actually finding this really helpful to be able to go through and label my emotions and thoughts about my situation might show this to the brand new shiny therapist I now have.

"I'm playing someone else's game I cannot stop and everyone else has lost" man if we're taking ever line as a metaphor for what was done to me. This therapist had a deal with a school man. It literally terrifies me to think of how many kids she's messed up like she messed me up. Both before and after because let me tell you. She was so fucking good at messing you up. Took literally 3 sessions to get you dependent on her and going insane.

The clinging feeling of desperation that you just have to get through this it gets worse before it gets better.

"The I can't keep doing this rant"

the way he's just sitting defeated against the wall? Yah I saw that expression everyday for years. That hits hard.

Okay not trauma related but the doctor saying I remember it all everytime when we've been lead to believe he doesn't like talk about a hell. Talk about good story writing. I've never caught that before!!

The way the doctor looks so tired. Yah that's framilar too. Also the having to be strong as your body gives up you that sure was a thing too.

Okay but literally this episode is so good. I fucking love the doctors dying speech in this it's only one of my favorite episodes of tv ever. Which is in part of why losing it hit me so hard.

hey if the rooms revert how come the shovel has dirt on it and the clues stays and the clothes are drying?? Finally some good old plot holes.

Also where is the food coming from like???

Okay but the sequence of the Shephards boy says is fucking fire

I want to know how long each time lap is

....thinking about how the tardis was left alone for 4.5 billion years.

Okay no because I should have been able to trust the therapist and the doctor should have been able to trust the time dial!! They were tools meant to HELP HEAL TURNED INTO PAIN AND TRUAMA

[mister-misogynybot]

Ive been playing COD since day 1. (yes im old) so it is painful to walk away now. i uninstalled the game today. no your kd wont go up..i sucked.

After what happened to Nick Mercs, i can't continue to support the game. Now that we all know ACTIVISION is part of an agenda that validates child mental and sexual abuse, how can i bring their product into my house?

If you believe children shouldnt be taught about or deal with social pressure over their biological gender, then you shouldnt play COD. not until they apologize at minimum to Nick Mercs and write a retraction. im not holding my breath. im just going back to PUB G. its just as much fun for me. i know its not nearly as polished as COD but i dont care. and yea i know COD isnt sweating the fact that i uninstalled, doesnt matter. im hoping theres another bud lite level boycott but i dont think so. the gamer demographic is probably 75% Gen-Zers and 10% Gen-Alpha's..i dont think they care. but their parents might.

if you disagree with this of course thats ok. but maybe you dont see whats happening to kids, you probably are a kid. if you are, COD just told you that your health and your life have less value than the feelings of a group of people (LGBTQCFP)

Think about it, all he did was voice his opinion ..but his opinion hurt their feelings. what was his opinion? glad you asked! "leave the little children alone, thats the issue" thats it...thats the opinion he shared and got canceled. If his tweet was a lie that could hurt people then sure punish him, if thats your thing. But he didnt lie, or push anti gay propaganda.. he referred to actual documented abuse happening everywhere. We live in a sick country.

There was a kerfuffle over the alleged plan of the LGBTQ community to include pedophiles in the group and add the letter P at the end of the LGBTQ acronym. That is false, it was a troll or a psyop meant to de-legitamize the lgbtq community. So they are on alert for people who try to correlate pedos and lgbtq. Thats why when someone like Nick Mercs says "leave the children alone" they lose their shit and immediately call it "debunked rhetoric, or anti-gay propaganda. The problem is very few think that lgbqt are child predators (at least i dont) but they are something just as bad or maybe worse.

first, todays gay community is coercing, applying social pressure and facilitating gender denying (its not gender affirming, but what a lovely distortion..nice try) care to children. they tell them they can choose to be a boy or girl, have a gender reveal party yayyy! even if the child can look down and see their genitals. Mommy why am i having a party? i can see my wee wee, im a boy...right?" His mom, horrified that everthing is falling apart answers "Now Now dear, dont jump to conclusions, all the invitations have been sent, you have until the weekend to decide if you want to keep your disgusting penis...and heaven forbid, live your entire life as a straight white man. And honey? when you refer to you your penis, say my "filthy meat"...dont say wee wee, that implies you take pride in it. ugh, that kind of toxic masculinity reminds me of Donald Trump. you dont want to be ANYTHING like him ok sweetie? Hes super rich, has a gorgeous wife, beautiful family and he's a former US president.. ugh! he's bad, orange man bad!"

"um mom? he sounds awesome" mom replies "youre not my son!!! Topple the patriarchy!!"

"mom, are you ok?

telling a kid with a penis hes not a boy, hes neither gender or both...is confusing and downright insane. and if the child chooses to be the opposite sex theyre immediately put on the path to denying their gender and they made their psycho left wing parents very happy. how often do the "gender affirmimg pediatricians" recommend therapy before the child is treated? id love to know, if its not 100% of the time then we have an issue. which reminds me, if we catch a doc who mutilates children without requiring a year of therapy as the first stage of treatment, they should bury him under the jail.

Second they are pushing sexually explicit and adult themed materials in grade schools all over the country to children who might not be fully potty trained yet. yea its sick

if youre part of the lgbtq community and youre angry about my "hateful rhetoric" then youre part of the problem. if you think its wrong to pressure children into changing their gender and/ or showing them how to suck dick in 1st or 2nd grade, then speak out against the people in your community that do. POLICE yourselves. If i met ONE person from that community who opposed some of the things going on, i'd have hope that we could come to an agreement and peacefully cohabitate. but as long as lgbqt takes the position that they do no wrong, do no harm, make no mistakes..ever...(and if you suggest anything negative about them, theyll have you canceled, punch you in the face or scream like a lunatic.) then ill be on the right calling them pedos. lastly, im in my 40's and i was never interested in politics in my life...not until i met a woke leftist.

my god, this is an epic rant. sorry about that. thanks for skimming.