#Feeling a little...strange.

[wormchamp72]

I hate you, you fake obsessed fan -jeff the killer

Pathetic. Utterly pathetic. Quite frankly it disgusts me to see something this terribly, undeniably, irredeemably PATHETIC.

I could go on...but I don't think I need to. Did you honestly think I would fall for a trick as stupid as this? I know Jeff, and he is no coward. I can't say the same for you, hiding behind that "anon" label...and why is it that you hesitate to reveal yourself, anyways? Apart from the fact that you aren't actually the esteemed creepypasta Jeff the Killer, of course. (That much was obvious from the moment I laid eyes on your stupid, stupid ask...)

Tell me, anon. I want to know what motivates you to act this immature. Is the reality of your life so pitiful that you really feel you have no other choice but to impersonate someone who is better than you in every way just to send a (once again, truly pathetic) piece of hate mail to someone else who is also better than you in every way? (And yes, I'm talking about myself.) You can call me presumptuous for saying such a thing, but let's not beat around the bush here...you were too insecure to attach your identity to this ask, because you knew you couldn't possibly measure up to your target. So you sent it anonymously under a name that doesn't belong to you. A name that I have a great deal of admiration for.

But you already knew that, didn't you? You knew full well of my dedication (or "obsession," as you would put it) to the character of Jeff the Killer and yet you somehow still believed that simply tacking his signature to the end of your foolish excuse for "bait" would be enough to have me falling hook, line, and sinker. Do you really underestimate me that much? You, of all people? A pathetic, weak coward who couldn't even dare to look me in the eyes as you attempted to wound me...hmph. I'd say this was a "nice try," but clearly you didn't even make an effort. I don't need to waste my time with a louse like you, so I won't even bother to give you a warning...I guess you might as well go ahead and consider yourself lucky, since there's obviously not much else going for you.

[prlssprfctn]

Cryptid!Alfred, who is actually immortal. Like, he cannot die for forever - he did once, during the war, and after that... for some reason, he kept coming back, completely without any additional magical help. He sometimes dies again, and then mysteriously comes back on the next morning, as if nothing happened. Bruce used to it at some point, so instead of asking questions (Alfred has no answers, anyway) he just pretends that it is normal. He gaslights kids to think the same. Like, what do you mean he died, Damian? No, he is alrightish. Look in the kitchen, he is making us breakfast. It probably was just a bad dream.

So, when Jason dies and gets back? Oh, Alfred knows his grandson has the same curse/blessing. Because it wasn't the Lazarus Pit that brought Jason back after all, but some strange, unexplainable force. Perhaps, both of them are just bound to end up as guardians, as warriors and protectors - that's why they keep coming back.

...Nevertheless, it doesn't make their family less... anxious about the whole thing. These two from the other side? Oh, they absolutely enjoy their immortal hang-out hours.

Jason: What was your funniest death?

Alfred: I am going to say... that one time, when I was teaching young master Bruce using a hunting rifle, and he accidentally shot me. I came back in fifteen minutes, and, of course, a poor thing was sobbing, but afterwards he was doing all chores for a month. Wonderful days.

Jason: Damn, poor Brucie... My funniest gotta be that one time, when Roy and I got drunk, and I legit jumped off the building because I thought I can fly. Roy had never got sober that quick.

(The first time Jason dies on the family's watch)

Dick, sobbing: Alfred... Alfred... He died! His neck was snapped! How can I live-

Alfred, casually leaning to snap Jason's neck again: Wake up, my boy.

Jason, dramatically gasping for air: Damn, who made me a massage, while I was sleeping?

Tim: What. The. Fuck.

[elainiisms]

*me at the club* so does anyone wanna discuss queer undertones in classic literature?

[planariaareneat]

How The Nocturnal Bottleneck and Nipples Make Us Human

Almost every post here considers what humans do have, really. It’s a little tiring; realistically every world has its harsh environments and vicious species and a sophont to match. We probably wouldn’t be unique for our adaptability or our persistence or even adrenaline

But our evolution is fucked up as hell, to put it lightly.

Mammals went through what’s been dubbed the nocturnal bottleneck essentially since the start of the mesozoic right up until the Cretaceous ended the archosaur’s exclusive hold over the daylight. We lost a lot of things from every mammal spending most of its time in either a cramped, suffocating burrow or scrounging around in the faint hours of nighttime. Our blood cells lost their nuclei to hold more oxygen while we spent time deep underground, we lost protections against ultraviolet rays in our skin and eyes, we can’t even repair our own DNA using the light of the sun. Most aliens probably wouldn’t have such traits unless their evolution followed a very similar path to ours. They’d be able to see ultraviolet and wouldn’t have to worry about sunburn and all the wonderful privileges essentially all fish, birds, amphibians, and reptiles enjoy as we speak. 

There’s also what we gained from spending so much time in the dark.

Brown fat is only found in mammals, it’s a special type of fat which bear cells with several oil droplets and are utterly jammed with mitochondria. This lets it make heat, a lot of it, fast. We don’t even need to shiver to induce this heat generation from brown adipose tissue - factor in our downright hyperactive mitochondria, and we can warm up quickly. Sure, it doesn’t have too much use in adult humans, but it keeps our infants warm and still provides a little boost the whole run we have in this universe.

Unless aliens also went through a time where their small ancestors had to face cold nights, they’d have to produce heat the old fashioned way when chilled. Aliens might have to shiver the whole time they’re in a cold room while the human watches in confusion, quite literally unshaken, and wonders if the room is a lot colder than the thermostat set to 60 says. The aliens stare at their companion in confusion, it’s just a normal temperature to shiver at after all, how is the human sitting so still?

Our small ancestors spending all their time out foraging at night is also why we have such a good sense of touch, smell, and hearing. They were more important senses than vision (we’re lucky to have even redeveloped basic color vision, frankly) at the time and place and simply ended up continuing to serve us well. Birds and reptiles rarely have acute senses of smell and the latter especially are lucky to have acute hearing, and birds rarely have impeccable hearing themselves either. Our skin is free of scales and honed to sensitivity, and our external ears and complicated ear bones provide an immense range of hearing (from 20 all the way to 17,000 hertz!).

Aliens might not be able to pin down the chirp of a cricket or the light click of a lock being picked. The human might be the only one on board a ship that can pick out the finer sounds of the engine’s constant thrum and know the critical difference between when everything is fine and when something is wrong. The human could probably pick out the sounds of an approaching enemy’s careless footsteps - they’re only as light enough for *them* to stop hearing them, after all - and be the one to see the horrified expression (well, more on that later) on their face when we get the drop on them in spite of their perceived stealth. 

But perhaps the most versatile, convoluted, amazing, and utterly unique trait we have is right on your face this instant. Lips.

Lips in most animals are a simple seal to hold in the mouth’s moisture and protect the teeth, even if they’re supple they’re NEVER muscular except in mammals, and we have only one thing to thank for it; milk and nipples. Lips evolved exclusively to allow babies to suckle, it required a vacuum to be created in the mouth, and with no other animal having anything like a nipple it never happened in other animals. Many animals make milk, to be frank, but no other animal has nipples.

Your cheeks and lips are a marvel among tetrapods, no other animal can suck like mammals can. Aliens wouldn’t have straws or even be able to sip from the edge of a glass, they’d have to have a proboscis or simply tilt the whole thing back. Aliens likely won’t have woodwind instruments or balloons you can blow into. We take so much about our lips for granted. Hell, our muscular faces are vital for expressions, we’re probably absolute facial contortionists among a cast of creatures with mandibles and beaks and expressionless scaly maws. Aliens might find us ridiculously easy to read, if anything, compared to their own kind (all the better to deceive them) - or perhaps they’d find us hard to decipher anyways, with our lack of color-changing skin or erectable crests of bright feathers. Baring teeth might not be seen as a sign of aggression in most of the universe, smiling would be all too distinctly human. 

Perhaps with how infectious we are sometimes, that’s what we’d contribute to the universe; others might have to make do with opening their mouths just enough to show their teeth or splaying their innumerable mouthparts with just the right curve, but perhaps we’d teach the galaxy to smile, one ally at a time. 

Wouldn’t that be amazing?

[ratsbanes]

MY BABY IS PLAYING PIANO. THATS ALL THEY WANT TO DO. THE FIRST THING KRIS DOES BY THEMSELVES IS DRINK SODA AND PLAY THE PIANO. I AM STEALING THIS POOR KIDS LIFE FROM THEM

[zonkedtothemax]

Dan (sarcastically, 15 years ago): “This was the most fun i've ever had”

Phil:

[notwithoutafight]

max & daniel + eye contact

[canonkiller]

do it all for love

[saedyne]

nobody asked but my hot take is that i think kon's struggles with

being literally made to be superman

being given roles and expectations (as a hero/boyfriend/etc) based on that/how he looks and squeezing himself down into those expectations

being torn between duty/obligation (even and perhaps especially of the self-imposed variety) and his own sense of self

feeling like he outlived his purpose after coming back from the dead and not knowing what he's supposed to be now that he's done the superman thing (maybe even feeling like he needs the unbearable weight of expectation because without a job to do or a box to fit into he might dissolve into nothing because he's always avoided examining who he is when there's nobody he has to be i wonder why that is)

could. uh. y'know. all that could be read as quite...queer. in a pretty genderful way. but what do i know.

[unityrain24]

please. i want to draw. i want to write. i want to imagine

[vaguely-concerned]

lucanis' last question when interrogating zara's corpse -- whether illario also asked her to kill caterina -- is so telling. because if illario had done that, I actually do think lucanis would have killed him. (his standards are predictably wild and hilarious in a dark sort of way. listen I can forgive you for killing me that's fine understandable even but there's a limit to everything illario.) which is why he saves that question for last: it's the one thing he really does not want to know the answer to. because if the answer is yes, it's going to need action from him that would be so psychologically catastrophic that nothing the ossuary could do to him would compare, that would have been the end of him too, I feel, even with rook and the team there to try to catch him or pick up the pieces. I love how if you pay attention you can trace out the underlying hurt/logic already here, before it gets spelled out in inner demons. the logic lucanis' brain operates on is very sad and very consistent the whole way throughout the game.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

We could have had it all...

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

Clone wars headcanons about everything and nothing

Ahsoka has a decent amount of allergies but only a handful are actually life-threatening and no matter how much she tells Anakin that it never stops him from treating them all the same

And by treating them all the same I mean he’s slapped some snacks out of her hands because he knew she was slightly allergic to it

In his defense the clones are really bad at keeping track of her allergies and because of that they have fed her a couple of things that were lethal to her and ever since then Anakin’s never really trusted them with food

Also in his defense Ahsoka once ate something she was highly allergic to on a dare (the poor clone didn’t know she was allergic) and all she did to remedy the situation was hand said poor clone her EpiPen before passing out

Unfortunately the clone didn’t know how to use the EpiPen so Ahsoka ended up passing out and Anakin and Rex had to rush her off to the med bay because they didn’t know how to use the EpiPen either 

Because of this incident the clones weren’t allowed to give Ahsoka food and there were a couple of signs that said “blue to the sky orange to the thigh” around the ship

I feel like everyone in Clone Wars is simultaneously touch-starved and tactile which is a very fun mix especially when I think about Ahsoka and everyone else because I like to think whenever Ahsoka asks for a hug 9.5/10 she gets one 

Master Plo is the most used to this cause Ahsoka’s been like this since she was a child and he’ll admit he’s spoiled her with hugs 

If you were to ask her what his hugs feel like she would say they feel like childhood or that feeling you get when you smell something that you could only find in your home when you were a kid

Obi-Wan is an interesting can of worms because he’s as tactile and touch-starved as the rest of them but he’s also incredibly touch-adverse which results in him declining hugs 5/10 because he just can't fathom touching someone in that moment

But when he does give Ahsoka a hug she’ll say there’s nothing like it and she would often describe it as a breath of fresh air and very soothing on stressful days 

Rex is most likely it give Ahsoka a hug bro is simply the hugger™ and she would describe his hugs as comforting if not a little awkward but grounding none the less kind of like hugging a weighted blanket just out of the drier 

She doesn’t get to see Padme nearly as often as she would like which means she tries to get a hug whenever she can and Padme will never decline her hugs if anything she initiates most of them

Ahsoka doesn’t remember her mom or her hugs well but if she had to give an example of what a hug from her mom felt like she would say Padme’s 

Anakin honestly isn’t comfortable with touching people he doesn’t know well but when he does feel comfortable with someone he’s clingy 

Ahsoka will never admit this half cause it’s embarrassing and half because she fears it would hurt the other’s feelings but Anakin’s hugs are easily her favorite something about the all-encompassing hug makes her feel safe and secure like nothing else 

But the funny thing is that sometimes he doesn’t really have the energy to hug Ahsoka so he’ll just put all of his dead weight on her which usually results in one of two reactions from her 

one. Is usually her saying “Hug me like you love me” or something along those lines to which he will squeeze the everloving force out of her or two. “Hug me like a normal person” which usually gets the smartass response of “Who said I was a normal person”

So it’s pretty obvious that Anakin and Ahsoka have their bigger competitions but they’ve also got little ones like who can make the funnier face when Obi-Wan is trying to do his work which normally ends with the duo hunched over laughing and Obi-Wan finding another place to work 

The: “Who can accurately make the noises Obi-Wan makes while stretching” challenge which just usually results in the clones worriedly checking in on them cause it sounds like they’re in pain

The: “Who can eat more ice cream” challenge always ends with Anakin regretting his life choices and Ahsoka doing the dishes because she feels bad 

Long story short they’ve got a lot of challenges cause they’re competitive little weirdos but the funniest part is they rarely keep score of who the winner is so they’re in an endless cycle of useless competitions 

Obi-Wan has slowly collected mugs for everyone he’s close with and they have a nice little home in his otherwise empty mug cupboard 

Anakin and Padme have matching from Naboo because Obi-Wan took them shopping when they were pretty young 

Padme can’t drink tea with them as often as she would like but when she can schedule a small tea break Anakin makes sure to smuggle all their mugs out of Obi-Wan’s kitchen

Ahsoka’s mug is possibly one of Obi-Wan's favorites it’s a good size and practical but’s also got nice intricate color-changing details because they both thought it looked cool

Cody and Obi-Wan’s mugs are pretty similar but their main difference is the childlike handwriting on the bottom of one that says “to: Obi from: Ani”

Rex doesn’t get a mug until later and it’s the most unconventional and inconvenient mug in all of creation the poor dude has to hold it from the sides because his hands don’t fit in the handle

And its design pisses Obi-Wan off every time he sees it the only thing that’s stopping him from smashing it into hundreds of little pieces is that Rex picked it so in the cupboard it stays 

Sometimes the group forgets that Ahsoka isn’t human which leads to very funny circumstances 

Like Rex losing a decent amount of credits trying to call Ahsoka’s “bluff” of being able to bench twice his weight 

Or at the fact that Obi-Wan was once hiding from Ahsoka and Anakin because he didn’t want the duo to see the extent of his injuries from a solo mission 

But he forgot that Ahsoka could smell and hear better than the average being so she was able to track him down pretty fast (she was also freaked out cause she could hear his erratic heartbeat and smell the blood so that wasn’t a pleasant experience for her) 

Or the number of times when she’s eaten an unholy amount of food just for Anakin to wake up at 3 am to find her scavenging for more cause she’s still hungry 

And let me tell you seeing some small hunched-over little creature with reflective eyes at that time of night would make even the chosen one screech like a banshee

[isuggestwishcraft]

i think isafrin dynamic, especially postcanon, is so funny to me because (among other things) isabeau is the notorious Gets Scared When The Horrors Appear type of dude, but also happens to be madly into a guy who, for lack of better words, can be aptly described as The Horrors

[hellsquills]

Seeing a lot of people talking about Stan dying before Ford can see him again and... I just can't stop thinking about this man being in absolute denial. Not about Stan being dead, but about that moment being their last together. Call it stubbornness, call it ego, call it whatever you want, but Ford will NOT let it be like that.

(He tells himself he won't let Stan rest without knowing he loved him. Truthfully, he knows he won't be able to rest himself without hearing his brother's voice again)

Ford does NOT try to revive Stan because that would be insanity!!! (frankenstan writers/artists/etc i love you to pieces) so he decides to contact some sort of medium or something that can talk to the dead. He was always opposed to the idea, since he always knew his mom was a fraud, but now that he's an expert on the supernatural, well... what's the limit, really. It's not the craziest thing he's seen.

So he embarks on a mission to find an actual, real medium. Many of them end up being frauds as well, so he decides to investigate history and legends alike to find genuine mediums and seers that might've had descendants, as magic is commonly passed down.

With his grant money, instead of building his house in Gravity Fall, he travels around the world to find the real deal. He meets many, and the few ones that seem the most legit all say the same: "I can't find him", "I don't know where he is".

One that shakes him to the core says: "I'm not sure whether he wants to speak".

Ford doesn't stop, though. Maybe Stan doesn't want to speak to him, but he can't give up. His suspicions have been confirmed: Stanley did die thinking he hated him. Ford doesn't think he can live with that; he knows he can't. He needs to carry on.

After a horrifyingly long time, Ford finds a clue; a name, or rather a surname, that is believed and documented to be that of a family of psychics. Seers, all-knowers, communicators, mediums, you name it. They are rumored to be one of the oldest remaining families with verified divination powers, and are able to speak to the dead. There is one drawback: the family, once big and powerful, was heavily prosecuted and executed for their "sacrilegious" powers, and therefore their descendants are few and hidden.

Ford's excitement isn't crushed by this drawback, and he insists they tell him the name. He'll go to any lengths necessary, travel anywhere in the world to find these descendants. His joy meets an unexpected dread when he hears the name, so foreign and so familiar, and realizes he knows exactly where he has to go.

"Romanoff."

[downsteepy]

hi it's me !!! i've decided to completely overhaul the way i do commissions, and i've even added .. quite a lot LMFAO. the biggest change is i now offer half + full bodies as opposed to only busts (growth) and i've added reference sheets.

i forgot to mention this on the actual sheet, so i'll clarify here: you can ask about backgrounds, however i'm still not very good at them :') backgrounds will (probably) be an extra $10 though

again, as per usual, commissions are done through ko-fi, and i'd appreciate you reading through my commission info carrd! if there's anything you're unsure of, please feel free to dm me for questions/clarifications!

extra examples in higher quality can be viewed in my art tag as well :)

EDIT: NEW COMM TYPE!!