#For Real Though I am Very Grateful When People Sign Up

[theabigailthorn]

PATREON.COM/PHILOSOPHYTUBE

[moirindeclermont]

5+ things I love about the Mirror Scene

also know as horny edition, reprise, again I decline every responsability if "feelings" arise during the reading of this thread. I'll be tempted of discussing the scene frame by frame, but I shall restrain myself to the most important points maybe

1) Words. This is not just about the speech at the beginning of the scene but also throughout the entire piece. I'm a writer, ofc I love when people use words well. Pleas don't make me say how many times I though about Mr Colin "I love dirty talking" Bridgerton (a couple of people actually knows) because it could become uncomfortable very quick.

2) Consent. Consent. Consent. I'll repeat every time because it's the sexiest thing I've seen. What do you mean it ruins the mood? Your partner is checking in with you and it builds trust connection and intimacy. It's not apart from the act. It's a fundamental part of the act.

3) Boobs. I'm sorry to report that, even as a fellow member of the perfect breasts club, I'm absolutely not immune. Not even one bit. I'm not even sorry I'm not immune. Thank you, Nicola, your service was wildly appreciated. (But seriously, did I buy a more revealing dress because I was a bit more confident of my own because of this bit? Yes! So, jokes aside thank you Nicola for your service)

4) Guidance. Gentle Dom Colin is my favorite Colin and I will never be able to hear the word "lie down" without thinking of him. But also, the tenderness displayed, the softness, the attention to the partner's needs, it's all part of a pattern of Colin being the most attentive partner.

5) "You are so beautiful", I'm not going to lie, I'm still walking 5 feet taller because of that. It healed something in me. It doesn't magically cure all the self issues problems, but it hit me the first time and it hit me again everytime. And if it was healing for you as much as it was for me, let me give you a hug. You are so beautiful!

(I can't believe I can't find the gif, if someone knows where to find it, please tell me, i'll edit the post)

6) "Not there. Not yet." Colin Bridgerton, Master of Edging. I see you Sir. I approve you wanted to wait for round 2 for that. But don't hide you did say that because you would finish in 0.1 second if she would arrive that. Still, even just for the cutest expression on Pen's face, it was worth it.

7) "Is there more?", Pen I want to hug you (respectfully and dressed, of course). His nod. Her blinding smile. Lord (don't) forgive me, I do not care about sinning when it never looked and felt better.

Gif by @polinsated

8) All the moments where you can see the lust and the pleasure in Pen's eyes. I will never shut up about it. They send me always into the stratosphere because it feels real. I don't know they do it, but it just feel real.

9) "Can we do it again?" What can I tell you? It's always the quiet one (I should know, I'm also a quiet one 😏) I'm not sure Colin realize what he did awake but he will become aware soon. I'm sure he doesn't mind.

(it's not my gif, stupid Tumblr, it's from @polinsated )

10) Let's be honest. All the above are real, but what really sell this scene is trust, connection and intimacy. It's not an easy thing to communicate but somehow they do it perfectly. And the nudity is functional to this goal. It adds another layer.

I love this scene but the me I was some years ago might have hated it because it is a mirror indeed for me. The me I am now is grateful that this scene exist. Because it's kind of the goal, to have that trust, intimacy and connection. So maybe it's a sign from the Universe. Maybe it's a sign of things to come. I certainly do hope so.

Maybe one day I might be able to talk about this scene without tearing up, but today is not that day.

[genyasbf22]

Genya having a crush on a Male! Reader (rewrite)

Note: I changed the ending part at 4 am because I realised it was rushed…..enjoy your daily dose of doomed yaoi

Trope: angst

PS - Reader is a minor !! Please don’t be creepy thank you very much

You always knew what you were. You never really was attracted to women, and honestly, you didn’t really care. When someone asked you if you had a fiancé/girlfriend, you had no problem telling them you weren’t into girls. You were very much aware that being attracted to the same gender was only gonna cause you problems, not being able to marry, not being able to have kids, not being allowed to love your partner in public.

But who cares ? You were a demon slayer. Love didn’t matter. You were gonna die sooner or later, so finding love wasn’t your priority. You had friends anyways, very good friends. One in particular.

On the other hand, Genya Shinazugawa had no idea of what sexuality was. He was always taught that men falls in love with women. I mean, its normal right ? Never in his life he has imagined that maybe, men who loved other men and women who loved other women existed. When he grew a little older, he vaguely heard of homosexuality. And don’t take it to heart, but it grossed him out at first. Boys who likes boys ? That’s so weird…why on earth would someone refuse to love a girl and date a man instead ?

-

You two met a long time ago, before you officially entered the demon slayer corps.

It was the final selection. You were about 14 years old. You had to stay in those dark, hostile mountains for 7 days, trying your best to survive against demons. You saw multiple people your age getting killed, and to be fully honest, you struggled keeping your calm (which was understandable).

While you were trying to figure out if a demon was following you, you saw a tall, black haired boy from afar. He looked around your age, and you wanted to team up with somebody to feel safer. So you came up to him. It caught him off guard that you talked to him at first, He was probably expecting to work alone.

He refused to team up with you at first, assuming that you were ”too weak” and that ”you’ll slow him down”. How rude, why would he assume things about you when you two didn’t even know each other ?

For some reason, he ended up accepting anyways.

Nothing special happened during those 7 days. You two barely spoke to eachother. Just slaying demons and trying your best to survive.

Sometimes though, you could notice him staring at you for a little too long. But you didn’t pay much attention to it.

After the final selection, You said goodbye to Genya, telling him to be careful out there, and to take care of himself. He simply ignored you. What was his problem ?

Month later, you saw Genya again during a mission. What a coincidence you thought, maybe it was a sign for you two to become friends ?

You tried your best to be as patient, as nice to Genya as possible. He ended up ”tolerating you” enough to stop him from yelling at you all the time (which was a great start !) After achieving several missions together, you two slowly grew closer. Your personality matched his surprisingly well. You learned a lot about him, and he learned a lot about you. Genya started to open up to you about his brother and his struggles, asking you for advices. You were always very patient and made sure to tell him that you’ll always be there for him, which he was grateful for. He never told you, but you were his first real friend and his best friend, ever.

But things started getting weird. Well, i wouldn’t say weird, but complicated at least.

It was the first time in a long time Genya hadn’t met someone who showed so much interest with him. You were always carefully listening to whatever he was saying, the spark in your eyes never leaving. It flattered him a lot. He admired you so much, the way you fight, the way you spoke, the way you act with people. There was a desire in him that wanted to become closer to you. The more he hung out with you, the more he wanted you to spend time with him.

He didn’t know what that feeling was at first, obviously. He thought it was nothing but pure platonic appreciation. For him, being jealous whenever someone gets a little too close to you was completely normal. For him, his heart thundering in his chest whenever you complimented him was nothing but ordinary. For him, feeling his cheeks burning when your face was too close to his was a common thing. It’s normal right ? Boys don’t like boys. People like that are absurd. He’s not one of them. He’ll never be one of them.

One day, Genya had a big fight with his older brother, the wind Hashira. You hated that man. You hated the way he treated your dear friend. You had warned Genya about Sanemi a lot, telling him to never say anything about him eating demons. You knew damn well what he could do, and you wanted to do anything to prevent that from happening.

But Genya just didn’t listen. You knew he was stubborn, so when you saw him bleeding from his cheek after returning from the wind Pillar’s domain, you weren’t surprised.

You were anxious, you were tired, but you couldn’t be mad. Not at him. Genya was devastated from what just happened, he needed your presence and your support. You knew his relationship with his brother was putting him into a lot of pressure, the only thing you had to do was to find a way to cheer him up a little.

You didn’t have much time to do something for him. It was evening, shops were closed, so you couldn’t buy him any watermelon, like you usually did. It didn’t really matter anyway, Genya needed your reassurance, nothing else. So you helped him clean his wound and stayed with him for the rest of the day.

The sun was set, the night was slowly rising. You had to go home soon. You looked at your friend one last time. He looked back at you.

He loves you, you love him. It was pretty obvious, but ignoring that feeling was easier. You knew Muzan was going to attack the corps sooner or later anyway, you’ll probably die soon, but why does it matter ? So many thoughts running in your mind, oh how you wished life was easier.

You stare into Genya’s eyes. How perfect this man is. And suddenly your hand feels empty, aching to hold his. Suddenly you want to grab his face and kiss him, feel his lips against yours, fully love him the way you always wanted to.

But you can’t do this, you can’t do this to him, you can’t ruin you two’s friendship you knew he cherished. So you stay quiet, suddenly avoiding his gaze, looking down at the floor. You say goodbye, you tell him to take care of himself, to stay safe. He smiles slightly, waving at you.

And you’ll never know, you’ll never know how much he wished you could’ve done it, you’ll never know how much he craved your affection. You’ll never know how much he adored you, how much he needed you.

- - -

Author’s note: I’m sorry 😭

[gingerteawrites]

BY THE HEARTH: KING

A/N: I am so sorry for the delay in updating this series. School just started and between moving in, new classes and work, your girl has been a bit overwhelmed. However, I am so grateful for all your sweet comments about my writing, it means so much to me, and gives me the motivation to pull through and update. Be sure to read the previous part here before you continue with this. And as always, please let me know what you liked (or maybe did not like) about this chapter. Enjoy!

Content: Royalty!AU, Nanami x female reader, king Nanami, Princess Y/N, Widower Nanami, Toddler Yuuji, hurt, angst. Not beta read

Word count: ~1.7K

banner from @cafekitsune

ACT III:

“It has to happen your majesty, it is unbecoming of you to be alone”

“A king without a queen is a sign of weakness”

“The people demand it”

Kento often found himself fiddling with a fountain pen during meetings with the royal advisors. Sometimes it was out of boredom, his rough hands tracing the outline of the writing tool. Other times it was to focus, moving it in repetitive spins while he was deep in thought. Today though, he fought the urge to drive the writing tool into one of his advisor’s heads; nobles who kept droning on and on about a remarriage.

“An unmarried king is not much of an uncommon occurance” he enunciated calmly, trying to conceal his mounting annoyance.

“Well, your majesty is still so young. It would be a shame for you to remain a widower.” Marquess Kamo commented, his face twisting into a haughty expression. “Having a queen by your side is a sign of strength. Don’t you think you’ve grieved long enough?”

“A woman of good breeding is important to be by the side of every leader.” Another baron chimed in. His eyes gleamed with interest and a sly smile curled on his lips “My daughter would be a very agreeable choice, don’t you think?”

Kento’s movements with his pen halted, and he fixed the baron with a stern look, lips drawn into a thin line. The chatter around the large table died immediately, the members seemingly just taking notice of his irritation. The king stood up calmly from his chair and placed the pen on the mahogany table, the little *tak* it made causing some to jump.

Arrogant bastards with no real backbones. His eyes scanned their faces slowly, no longer attempting to hide his displeasure with the conversation.

“This session is over.” He announced. Kento adjusted his fur jacket around his shoulders, and swiftly exited the room.

A deep sigh escaped his lips as he walked into the great hall, closing his eyes for a second.

The king was known as a man of great patience. A man who was firm when it was needed, but one who always tried to give people the benefit of doubt. Someone who could be reasoned with. Now, he cursed this notorious tolerance. If he had perhaps been a more short-tempered ruler, his court would not have grown so audacious as to pressure him so obviously. To so obviously display their ploys for power. He had to end these talks.

Another political marriage, another situation of convenience. He kept on marching deeper into the giant room, already feeling the steady pulse of a migraine in his temple.

The king was a man who always did what needed to be done. When he came of age and he had to marry the noble that his parents had arranged for him, he followed suit without complaining. The duty of a King was to his people, and his people needed a queen.

He had tried to be attentive. Learned to love Kaori’s striking eyes and sharp words. But her interest in him waned too quickly. She grew bored of his stiffness and sense of duty. She prodded at him like her own little experiment, engaging in every maneuver to make him break character.

Still, he bared with his queen’s increasingly expensive spending habits and general distaste for his presence. When the time came to produce a heir, he did his duty, and out of the sour union came his son. When it became apparent that being a mother was the last of the queen's concerns, he took it upon himself to provide all the love Yuuji would ever need. And when he found her lifeless body on her chambers’ floors, next to the opium trays (her new habit he had insistently fussed about), he mourned sincerely and gave her all the honors of a royal’s funeral.

Kento had done his duty, to his own detriment, but for the prosperity of his nation.

What else do these damn people want from me? He ran a hand through his hair in quiet frustration.

He was about to branch into one of the corridors, single focus on the way head when a familiar voice called out to him

“Are you not supposed to be in a meeting?” He turned to see Haibara jogging over from the other side of the room. The heavy sword at on his belt clunking with his movements until he eventually reached Kento’s side.

“It ended early,” he replied curtly, trying to walk away but the man across from him quickly side-stepped to stand with his hands outstretched to block his way.

“Whoa, whoa, slow down there. Something tells me they finally managed to piss you off.” He remarked jokingly, lips curled in an amused smile.

Kento sighed again. Haibara was his closest friend, and often his only confidante. Their friendship bridged the gap dug by their difference in ranks. A king and a knight of low birth were an unlikely combination. One that was already frowned upon by many. However, maintaining this friendship had been one of the only selfish acts the king was guilty of.

His friend was always a light, but this light shone a little too bright now, especially as the pounding of a headache was starting to beat against Kento’s cranium.

“Haibara, not now.” He said, closing his eyes wearily.

Yu’s eyebrows quirked at his friend’s tone. His eyes immediately fixed on the door that led towards the meeting room Kento had previously emerged from, and he let out a quiet chuckle.

“Do those fools keep pushing the remarriage issue?” He asked, folding his arms in front of him.

Kento rubbed at his brows “Baron Zenin volunteered his daughter.”

“Greedy bastard.” the knight replied with an eye roll, sympathizing with his friend's wariness. “Come on.” He directed the pair outside, pushing the door open to let them into the giant corridor.

They walked past a few guards who straightened their backs and issued quiet greetings at the sight of the king, and kept walking in comfortable silence until they made it to the gardens in the North wing, closest to the king’s chambers. They finally sat down on one of the benches facing the big oak tree, and Haibara turned to Kento.

“Feeling better?” He asked in a teasing tone, eyeing his friend. Kento’s features had relaxed a bit, his headache beginning to wane in intensity. He nodded in response as he rested his elbows against his knees, and leaned his head on his arms.

“This is getting out of hand. Beyond these marriage talks, what alarms me more is the zeal they seem to have gained.” Kento spoke, eyes focused on the ground. The winter breeze brought a biting chill that ruffled the fur collar of his cream blouse.

“Power dynamics are always shifting, and it seems that they think they are in a position to get what they want.” Haibara commented, leaning back against the bench. “Regardless of what they think, your reign is strong so I don’t think you should be wary.” His eyes strayed from Kento’s form to the tree in front of them, dried out in the harsh winter air “But…”

Kento turned his head to look back at his friend, waiting for him to finish.

“Having a marriage might be the best way to get them off your back once and for all.” He concluded, still looking away.

Kento tensed once again, eyeing his friend with thinly veiled apprehension.

“What do you mean by that?” He asked lowly.

“Kento, my friend.” Haibara enunciated, tone diplomatic “I am not here to force you into anything you do not want to do. I am merely suggesting this as a solution. Marry someone from outside. Someone who knows nothing about this place, who won’t pick sides. That will make them shut up.” He explained, eyes returning his friend’s face. And maybe it will be good for you, were words left unsaid.

“They were pretty easy to convince.” Haibara noted with a look back at the meeting room, shrugging, heading the fleet of knights that accompanied the king on the diplomatic talks.

It had barely taken a couple of months to find an eligible bride, and the negotiations for the wedding arrangement were done in record time. All as a result Kento's efficiency.

“They’re a small kingdom from beyond the black sea. No convincing was needed.” He replied with practiced assurance.

“Still, accepting to give their daughter away so easily?” The knight commented to himself, and the whole group took a corner heading for the outside of the annex, walking towards carriages to return to the main palace.

As soon as the door to the royal carriage closed, Kento sighed, looking out of the window while his fingers worked to unbutton the top of his jacket.

Another marriage of convenience, another merely contractual agreement. But it would be on his terms this time.

What a cruel joke life can be, he mused, chuckling to himself.

Romance was decidedly not for him. And he would not tire himself out trying to make this work. He owed it to himself to be selfish this once. To Yuuji, he thought. This union would mean nothing.

And so the king did not explain himself when the entirety of high society fumed about his decision to marry someone from outside their political sphere. Someone who might not be easy to manipulate. He did not attend the welcome banquet thrown in honor of the princess’ arrival, merely sending pleasantries to her family. He did not smile to reassure her when he felt her trembling fingers at the altar. And he certainly would not spend their first night together.

His walls were up, and he was determined to keep them that way.

But that did not help the unfamiliar flutter he felt in his chest at the sight of this woman, now his queen, trailing soothing touches across his son’s arms. And for the first time, he actually looked her, her eyes wide and shining with an all-consuming light directed at him. He could not repeat what happened with Kaori. He would not. He wanted to scrape every semblance what she made him feel from his being. So he put up the wall, expression hardening in open suspicion.

“What are you doing with my son!?”

Tag list: @ofcqdesi @tomiokasecretlover @luvstama @amisuh @abhootghiihii

Please comment if you want to be added to the tag list. Thank you again for reading, I would love to know your thoughts on this!

[olderthannetfic]

So the ‘straight with one exception’ shit that was so prevalent with straight women in fandom a few years ago. Do they find it a romantic notion? I’m bisexual so growing up in the 90s and 2000s most the queer content I could find was fan made. And don’t get me wrong I am grateful for the fandom moms of old for making queer content as a young guy in the 90s figuring myself out there was a lot of fear and self loathing but I always had fandom to make myself feel more normal. But yeah that straight with an exception thing, always really ruined my fic experiences a bit. But I’ve actually started reading older fic because it avoids a lot of the shit I find annoying about modern fics. Can’t escape this trope though it’s like negative nostalgia lol. I know you’re queer but I want to get why straight women love this trope so much. Is a bisexual man so unattractive?

--

Anon...

I hate to break it to you, but when I started interviewing slash writers from the 70s, I heard more than one story that was like "And then I had all these weird feelings for my best friend I was writing with..."

Decades on, these women may have picked some other word than 'straight', but plenty of them did experience You're My One Exception.

Even the horny and self-aware people often find One Exception stories hot, whether it's a villain only being nice to one person or someone who has only experienced attraction one time or someone who is attracted despite their usual orientation. Like 90% of het romance novels include some barf-worthy "It's never been like this before!!!!" observation when they finally get together as though love is more special when you can put down every past partner. People just really, really, really like this trope in all its forms.

The fact that you would think this is a sign of a straight or female writer shows that you are amazingly clueless.

--

That said, yeah, I too found the ubiquity of this in 90s fic annoying. Not a huge fan of the internalized homophobia that everyone was kinking on back then either.

I don't think it's specifically about bi men being attractive or not within fandom, though there is a massive real world double standard against bi men on, for example, OK Cupid.

I think it's more about One Exception as a general trope plus a lot of people being profoundly clueless about bisexuality in the 90s even if they were allies and activists for gay causes.

That was the era of Anything That Moves precisely because the queer community wasn't very hip about bi stuff yet. (And arguably, in recent years, we've backslid, but that's another story.)

--

~Fandom moms~. Yeesh. A lot of those big authors were probably in their 20s in the 90s.

[onetoomanyfandomfixations]

Yuki, Kyo, Kagura, Momiji, Tohru with a reader from zodiac

FRUBA CHARACTERS W ZODIAC!READER

((reader’s zodiac is based off of western/greek zodiac signs; will be capricorn!reader))

YUKI

Is so shocked to find out there is a second zodiac curse

So grateful that there are more people like him

^^feels really bad about this

Bc y’all aren’t from the same zodiac - physical touch is even more dangerous

I mean,, imagine seeing not only a rat surrounded by clothes, but a weird goat-fish hybrid???

Regardless, tries to have physical contact with you whenever possible

Linking pinkies, resting his head on your shoulder, being shockingly close at all times,,

Is worried about ur scales dehydrating when you transform - tries to keep water on him for you

Makes sure you never feel insecure about your zodiac form like he does

Has a really lovely feeling of solidarity w you

Would do anything to protect your secret

Because he knows you would do the same

KYO

Straight up thinks you’re lying at first

“There’s no fuckin way”

You tackle him to prove it

“wtf that’s not even a real animal????”

Gets v flustered when u transform back

Mans is fine being naked, but seeing other naked ppl?

Hell nah

Eventually just kinda takes you under his wing w an annoyed sigh

So so touch adverse; is so scared of you seeing his true form

Like with the rest of his zodiac - wishes he was like you

So envious, but in a way that carries a deep sadness

Shows his affection through banter and friendly violence

((Mans will not hold your hand; however will kick you behind the knees - gentle enough as to not hurt, but hard enough to make you lose balance))

Scolds you for anything that could put your secret at risk

“How did you even survive before you met me, dumbass?”

KAGURA

So so excited to learn there is another curse

“We’re the same!!”

Is jealous of your animal form

You’re a cool, cute, mythical animal; and she’s just a pig?? Unfair!!

Constantly lets you know how unfair this is

Pretty upset that she can’t cling to you all the time

She just wants to show you how much she loves you, y’know?

Ironically, tries to do alot of mud and clay treatments to your skin and scales

Loves loves self care nights together

Isn’t opposed to cuddling when no one else is around, despite animals and then nudity

Doesn’t care if you see her naked

But anyone else???

Instantly branded a pervert.

Tries to keep you all to herself; “to keep the curse a secret, of course!!”

MOMIJI

Another one that is genuinely Thrilled to find out there are more like him

But is also instantly worried

“Who’s your god? What are they like?”

When you assure him that you’re safe, is So relieved

Even after this, is nosy as all hell lmao

Wants to know Everything about Everyone

“So you are Capricorn, ja? Who is Pisces? Because I am a pisces too!!”

Thinks your zodiac form is adorable!

Loves sitting in-between your horns when you’re both transformed

Unsurprisingly; will be exceedingly touchy-feely regardless of transformations

Mans does not give a single flying Fuck

Even when ur in public and have to be careful of transforming - is never Not touching you

Holding hands galore!!

Shows you off to the rest of the zodiac

But doesn’t let you anywhere near Akito

You’re too precious

TOHRU

Feels so blessed to be meeting more special and unique people

Is very vocal about this

Is also V nosy; but not in a malicious way

Plays guessing games as she meets everyone

((Usually gets it wrong))

Doesn’t know as much about the Western zodiacs, but is very excited to learn!

Very very cautious to make sure you don’t transform

Thinks you’re beautiful and fascinating when you do though!!

But wants to keep you safe

However, its a well known fact that she’s one clumsy mf

Me too, Tohru, me too

Will tell the most Wack cover stories for you

Wants you to be besties with her zodiac

[a-secret-bolton-vampire]

Here, another impromptu House of the Dragon essay, following episode 6, which has left me obsessed and delighted to see Rhaenyra finally confirmed canonically queer. This is not refined at all, just all off the cuff.

Rhaenyra and Alicent parallel each other in a lot of ways, but one way that I am not seeing brought up a lot is also the way their new partners add to their parallels. Granted, since Rhaenyra and Mysaria kissed literally last episode there hasn't been a lot of time to think, but it's a sign of a much greater trend between Alicent and Rhaenyra in season 2.

The relationship between Alicent and Criston is a direct parallel and foil to the relationship between Rhaenyra and Mysaria in a myriad of ways:

Criston was spurned by Rhaenyra, and when he was at his lowest moment, Alicent came to stop his suicide and raised him up to be her sworn protector. Ever since then, Criston has remained fiercely loyal to Alicent... to an arguably unhealthy degree. He kills Lyman Beesbury not necessarily because he was against the coup, but because he personally accused Alicent of regicide. He puts Alicent up on an enormously high pedestal, as this kind of saviour of his. Likewise, Alicent is bonded with Criston due to their shared betrayal of Rhaenyra.

The relationship itself is very unhealthy. It's almost like they are codependent in a way. Criston is only where he is now because Alicent saved him. He owes a lot to her. Likewise, Alicent owes a lot to Criston for being her biggest champion. Criston is also fairly lowborn. He's from a very low noble house, and is described as the commonborn son of the steward of Lord Blackhaven. He's just at the edge of nobility, and yet he has been on a meteoric rise, shooting from just another knight to a knight of the Kingsguard, to bodyguard of the queen, to Lord Commander and later as Hand, the most powerful position in the realm after the King.

Compare this with Rhaenyra and Mysaria. Both women have been wronged by Daemon, who has used them for his own ends and disregarded their feelings. Daemon promised Mysaria her freedom if she provided names for people to hire to kill Aemond, but ended up simply fucking off to Harrenhal. There, Mysaria, having lost all she built in King's Landing thanks to Larys, is freed by Rhaenyra who decides to honour Daemon's word. Mysaria is not someone to trust easily, and Rhaenyra freeing her when she had no real reason to shows her worth to Mysaria.

Mysaria doesn't necessarily put Rhaenyra on a pedestal though. She is immensely grateful, and she feels Rhaenyra treats her as an equal and that she is meant to be queen, but there is none of this toxic obsessive codependency between the two (at least, not yet) that is displayed with Alicent and Criston. Like Alicent and Criston, however, they bond through a shared experience of betrayal by someone else, in this case Daemon.

Both relationships are those that would not be looked on lightly by society. Alicent is the dowager queen, Criston is sworn to celibacy, while Rhaenyra and Mysaria are both women in a world where queer relationships aren't exactly viewed in a positive light. Criston and Mysaria are also both contrasting partners, as they are of low rank (though Mysaria is not from a noble house unlike Criston) but are self-made people who climbed to a high position; Criston through his skill at arms, Mysaria through the trade of selling information.

Criston and Mysaria also have a contrasting relationship with the Hightowers and Targaryens. At least in Criston's eyes, Rhaenyra Targaryen betrayed him and brought him low, only to be raised by Alicent Hightower. Meanwhile, Mysaria is brought low by Alicent but raised back up by Rhaenyra. However, despite the gap in the power structure between Rhaenyra and Mysaria being far greater than that of Criston and Alicent, the power dynamic is actually completely opposite.

Season 2 began with Alicent holding power, with Criston subservient to her, with Otto working alongside her. It also began with Rhaenyra being powerless due to the crippling grief of losing Luke and then following Blood and Cheese refusing to make any moves that could hurt more innocent people, which weakens her own standing among her council. But as the season progresses, this gets flipped upside down. When Criston is named Hand, we see a major shift in his dynamic with Alicent. There is a lot of fuss made about Alicent's sex scene with him at the end of episode 2, but this actually conveys this perfectly. Without Alicent's leave, Criston suddenly makes himself at home in her bedchambers, and instead of kneeling to her or letting her be on top, he takes control of her.

Alicent grows more and more distant from Criston as he settles into his position as Hand. Suddenly, Criston feels that by vetoing Alicent from being the regent, he is protecting her from the terrible things they will be doing in the course of the war. Again, this works alongside Criston's weird complex about Alicent being his saviour. She seems so pure in his eyes that he is protecting her by taking on the sins of leadership just as he has protected her all these years as her sworn protector. The problem is that at the same time this devalues Alicent because this is another misogynistic assumption on his part that women should not sully themselves by having a hand with such nasty business. Criston thinks he's protecting her, but at the same time weakening her and making her even more vulnerable, and this is why their relationship eventually falters.

We see the exact opposite with Rhaenyra and Mysaria. Mysaria is at the mercy of Rhaenyra, but Rhaenyra allows her a place in her court as an advisor. Mysaria grows in power in this position, just as Cole did. However, that doesn't come at the expense of Rhaenyra's own power. Thanks to Daemon's reckless, self-serving actions, the Black Council's unhelpful misogyny, and undermining advice, Rhaenyra finds she does not wield influence at court. Except with Mysaria.

With Mysaria, Rhaenyra learns that there is another way to gain power, and that is with the support of the common people. Together, the two conspire to instigate riots in King's Landing and destabilize the Greens hold on the city, while Rhaenyra herself finds that she wants to be spearheading the more militaristic aspects of the war. When Mysaria sees Rhaenyra holding a sword, she says "this becomes you," supporting Rhaenyra's endeavour to take after her idol and hero Visenya and become a warrior queen.

Yet, as Mysaria later tells Rhaenyra, this doesn't in any way make her less powerful. Rhaenyra has treated Mysaria as an equal, her closest advisor, her unofficial Hand (even with Corlys newly named). The mutual bond between the two then reaches a crescendo in a tender moment of vulnerability and gratitude for each other, and their embrace quickly becomes a passionate kiss.

Criston casts Alicent down, but Mysaria raises Rhaenyra up. Criston and Alicent's relationship is based on this shared betrayal by Rhaenyra which became codependent on their united front of this shared history. Meanwhile, though Rhaenyra and Mysaria's relationship does come somewhat from the way Daemon has hurt them both, it is primarily based on honesty and compassion. In this way, as of right now, Rhaenyra and Mysaria are the most healthy couple in House of the Dragon.

One final observation is that I think Alicent and Rhaenyra are also trying to emulate certain people in these relationships. Alicent, always having envied Rhaenyra for her freedom, is finally forgoing any temperance to allow herself to enjoy sex for the first time in her life. Her doing something so reckless is her trying to be like Rhaenyra. Meanwhile, Rhaenyra kissing Mysaria is partially her trying to be more like Daemon, as much as I also believe it is loneliness and genuine attraction to her. She literally states before the kiss that Daemon was everything she wished she was. This may be only the beginning. We are starting to see a much more fiery side of her, as she begins to don the image of a warrior queen who wishes to win this war.

I will also say this, while we are on the topic; it's very meaningful to me that Rhaenyra is canonically queer, especially as a queer person myself. Queer characters are nothing new in the A Song of Ice and Fire universe, but we don't have any truly canonically queer protagonists. Dany and Cersei may qualify but that is much less to do with actual attraction to women and more simply good old lesbian experimentation (not to mention written in a pretty exploitative and male-gazey way). Rhaenyra has shades of both characters in her kiss with Mysaria, but from everything I've laid out, it's not experimentation. Rhaenyra is just bisexual.

Rhaenyra being in a polyamorous relationship with Mysaria and Daemon has been a headcanon of mine ever since Fire and Blood came out, and I've picked up on the vibes between them this season, which made me hearing about the complaints that it came "out of nowhere" really strange, because it truly didn't. It's been building up slowly the past few episodes, and it's just the logical conclusion based on what was presented.

How this will change her relationship with Daemon, I cannot say. But I will say that I believe if Daemon is jealous of Rhaenyra and Mysaria being together, it won't be because of fidelity or homophobia, but purely because they are both women he has been with, which would trigger all sorts of insecurities.

[findmeintheferns]

your bestfriend’s roommate

(part two)

𝓢𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓻𝔂: you ignore your new dealer for a week, guilty about giving in to the way she made you feel. However, when your boyfriend betrays your trust, you find yourself running right back to her.

𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰: dealer ellie/reader, smut, alcohol use, angst, not proof-read (yet), sorry it took so long lmao

𝓦𝓸𝓻𝓭 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓽: 2.3k

𝓟𝓪𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰: ellie williams (TLOU) x reader

———

“You’re pathetic.” You huff, frowning at your reflection staring back at you in the mirror. It was 11:30pm on a Tuesday and you were drinking alone in your dorm. Today had sucked, well, technically yesterday. You hadn’t been feeling great in general, it had been a week since the incident with Ellie and you were trying to ignore the guilt that wouldn’t go away. She texted you a few times, but you didn’t reply, you didn’t even tell Dina what happened. Then on top of that, you failed an exam that was worth 50% of your final grade and spilt your iced coffee all down your favourite white dress (in front of a huge line of people waiting for their Starbucks). That wasn’t it though, no the real cherry on top was what happened once you got back to your room.

“Did you know that jellyfish are 95% water?” Dina stares at you, awaiting your response to her very important question. She was walking you back to your dorm in hopes that you would feel slightly less embarrassed about wearing a now brown & patchy dress.

“I was unaware” you reply, still facing the ground and kicking the occasional pebble.

“They don’t have a brain, or lungs, or a heart. They are literally blobs of fluid & muscle how fucking weird is that” she explains, clearly very worked up by this discovery.

“Thank you for this information Dina, I am now deeply disturbed”.

She giggles at your response and grabs your face so that her palms are squishing your cheeks, forcing you to be staring directly into her eyes.

“C’mon grumpy pants! It was one bad day and it’s nearly over; it can’t get much worse than this. If anyone can get through it, it’s you.”

You roll your eyes at her, but she knows deep down you’re grateful to have her as a friend. You could always count on her to cheer you up. You grab your keys and fumble to unlock the door, turning to Dina at the same time,

“We’re at my dorm which means we are binge watching the entire Twilight saga tonight.”

“Whatever will make you happy” she laughs, but it’s cut short by a loud gasp as soon as you finally open the door.

“What the actual fuck?!” you yell, unable to believe what’s happening right in front of you. Your boyfriend, completely naked, fucking the girl he told you not to worry about countless times, in your own goddamn room. Is this karma? It must be, although you stopped things with Ellie before it went this far.

“Get out. Oh my god, get fucking out! We are done Alex. So fucking done!!” you scream, most definitely causing a scene because you can hear the crowd of people gathering behind you desperately trying to figure out what had happened.

“Wait- no, y/n please I can explain-”

“You heard her. Get out.” Dina doesn’t let him finish his sentence, which is good because if you had to open your mouth again you would most likely just break down crying.

You were honestly surprised by how upset you were. You had been contemplating breaking up with him all week anyway. After that night with Ellie, you felt things Alex hadn’t made you feel your whole relationship, so that was a definitely a sign. At the end of the day though, you trusted him, this was betrayal you would never get over, which meant losing a friend.

So, yeah, a shitty day was an understatement. You asked Dina to leave right after it happened, you just wanted to be alone, but now that’s the last thing you want. You were done wallowing in self-pity, and you knew exactly where you were going to go. You didn’t text, you just stormed right out of your dorm and made your way down the hall. Dina was staying at Jesse’s tonight, so you didn’t have to worry about her. You do wish however that you had thought about the temperature before leaving your heated dorm. You were only wearing a little pair of pyjama shorts & a cropped tank top but fuck it, the bottle of straight vodka in your hand would warm you up soon enough. It didn’t take long to arrive at Ellie’s, you couldn’t help but feel a little nervous as you raised your hand to knock on the door. You knocked three times, but no answer. It took a solid 5 times before you heard an angry,

“What do you fucking want?”, which made you think maybe you should leave, but before you could she was standing right in front of you. Her face softened instantly, clearly not expecting it to be you at the door.

“Oh, y/n. Shit, sorry, didn’t mean to yell at you.” You watch as she takes in your appearance, her expression changing to what seemed to be concern. She saw the bottle, the lack of clothing and the tear-stained mascara trail that you had forgotten to remove from your cheeks.

“Hey, you okay?” she coos, moving closer to you. You honestly didn’t know how to reply because no, you weren’t okay, but you didn’t really feel like talking about it.

“Can I please just come in?” you sigh.

“Yeah of course, here” she moves towards you, pulling off her baggy sweater, “Arms up.”

You don’t want her to be cold, but you’re freezing and tired so you’re not really in a place to argue. You lift your arms up and she places the sweater on you, it smells exactly like her. Putting her hand on your waist she guides you inside to sit on her bed. You take a big gulp of your vodka, grimacing at the taste but kind of enjoying the burn.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” you ask.

By the look on her face, you could tell she wanted to grab that bottle right out of your hand and pour it down the sink, she just didn’t feel comfortable enough to yet.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” she replies.

You take another swig from the bottle, “because,” you frown “because I’ve seen you around school. I’ve seen you with other people. You’re not soft like this, you don’t take other people’s shit. You always look so tough. Plus, I’ve completely ghosted you this week.”

She moves closer to you, gently removing the bottle from your hand.

“Y/n,” She whispers, moving your hair behind your ear so it could no longer cover your face “What happened?”

You couldn’t help but fall into her touch, she was being so tender with you, which is all you could ask for right now.

“T’s so stupid I shouldn’t even care” you sob, burying your face into your hands.

“I won’t think its stupid, I promise.” She reassures.

You look up at her, she does look genuinely worried for someone who should hate you.

“I walked in on Alex, he was having sex with that girl I told you about, his best friend. On top of that it was in my bed too ugh, yuck.” You groan.

Ellie jumps up so quickly you barely notice it happen, “I’ll kill him.” She spits, gritting her teeth.

You laugh, “I wouldn’t object, but you forget I did basically the same thing first.”

Ellie didn’t find that statement very funny “I didn’t even fuck you!” She exclaims, “I mean, sorry, we didn’t take things that far. What a piece of shit. I’m sorry y/n.” She calms down and sits back beside you, clearly regretting her previous wording.

You couldn’t hide it anymore, you were drunk. I mean, it’s not like you were known for holding your alcohol well, but this was pretty bad even for you. You adjust so that you’re facing her, legs crossed.

“The thing is, I was going to break up with him anyway, I thought what I felt for him was normal, but maybe I never really did love him as more than a friend. It hurts more that I’ve lost someone I trusted.” You sigh.

Ellie looks at you, sort of puzzled.

“What I’m trying to say is,” you move your face closer to hers “You’ve made me feel things I didn’t think I could feel, things he never made me feel, in such a short time too. I want to know you, Ellie. I can’t stop thinking about you, no matter how hard I try.”

You didn’t have to say anything else because Ellie closed the gap between the two of you, placing her lips softly on yours. She moved her hand around your waist, pulling you onto her lap. You cupped her cheeks, wanting to be as close to her as possible. She was a really good kisser, much better than Alex ever had been. You tried to fasten the pace, but she continued to be delicate, gently stroking your thigh and making your stomach fill with butterflies. You pull away, admiring her features, “I need you, I want you to touch every part of me.”

“I know, and I will, but not right now. It wouldn’t be right, you’re drunk, remember?" She smiled.

As much as you wanted her, you couldn’t help but agree. The second you stopped distracting yourself with her touch you could feel how drowsy you were becoming. Ellie laughed at your sleepy expression, “Sleep here, that way you won’t have to deal with the gross memories back in your dorm.”

You don’t have the energy to do anything other than nod. She lifts you off her lap and lays down, gesturing for you to come lay on her chest. You wonder if she had every been this vulnerable and gentle with someone before. She pulls her blanket over the top of both of you and before you know it, you’re fast asleep with her arms wrapped around you, making you feel incredibly safe.

When you wake up the room is pitch black, it must be early in the morning. It takes you a moment to remember where you are, but the calloused fingers wrapped around your waist remind you. Ellie was still spooning you, her face nestled into your neck. You wished she was awake, because you’re not feeling so tired anymore. You push yourself back, pressing your ass against her. She was fast asleep, so you didn’t expect a reaction, but suddenly Ellie was gripping you tighter and grinding herself against you. This just turned you on more then you already were. You continued to grind, quickening the pace until you heard a low “fuck” slip out of Ellie’s mouth.

“You’re awake?” you ask quietly.

“Mhmm” she responds, still sleepy “How are you feeling?

Horny, you thought. Obviously, you weren’t about to say that out loud.

“Sober” you reply.

“Wonderful, that means I can do this.” Ellie rolls over so that she’s now on top of you, kissing your neck. She moves her way up so that your lips are connected. This kiss however was not like the one before, no this was much different. It was rougher, more desperate, like she had grown tired of restraining herself all night. You let out a moan as she sucks on your bottom lip, causing her to press her thigh between your legs.

“Can I fuck you?” she whispers softly into your ear.

“Please” you groan instantaneously.

Once Ellie knew it was okay, she helped you sit up, basically ripping off your tank top and shorts. You wanted her undressed too. You quickly pulled her shirt over her shoulders before she pressed you back down onto the bed. Ellie slipped her hand inside your panties, touching you in all the right places.

“So fucking wet for me.” She groaned, “This okay?”

You nod, eyes rolling to the back of your head. You have no idea what Alex was doing wrong because it had never felt this good before. She teases you, slowly pushing her fingers inside you but taking them out as soon as they filled you up. You push yourself down onto her fingers, whining, in hopes that she’ll fuck you, but she continues to tease.

“Poor princess, so desperate for me huh?” she smirks, “Don’t worry, I’ve got you. Gonna make you feel so good okay?”

She presses herself inside you again, but this time she stays there. She’s doing something with her fingers, you have no idea what it is, just that it feels fucking good. You kiss at her neck while she continues pushing herself deep inside you, dragging your nails down her back causing her to let out a loud groan. Ellie can’t take her eyes off you, seeing you so vulnerable, knowing she’s probably the only person who has made you feel this good.

“So pretty when I fuck you.” She mumbles, slightly out of breath.

You’re so close to falling over the edge, which quite frankly surprises you, because no one has ever made you cum before. You didn’t tell Ellie this though, you knew how cocky she would get, she’d never let it go. She pulls herself out from inside you and begins to quickly rub her fingers against your clit.

“I’m so close. Fuck.” You moan, drunk on how good she feels.

She leans down and whispers into your ear, “Good girl, cum for me. Just like that.”

This sends you over the edge and you cum harder than you’ve ever been able to make yourself. You bury yourself in Ellie’s neck, already sleepy again.

“I didn’t know it could feel like that” you whisper. Ellie just laughs, gesturing for you to roll over. She plays with your hair and kisses your back, it feels so heavenly that it isn’t long before you’re already asleep again, smiling to yourself.

[skylarsblue]

Notice

TW: Implied suicidal thoughts/ideation (it's comfort though) (I wrote this at 4 am cause I heard a sad song that made me think of Simon, so- Hotlines)

Aight so like, you know that phenomenon of when super depressed people suddenly get all happy and energetic, seemingly out of nowhere? And you gotta sit and wonder if they’re actually happy or if it’s something else? That but, it’s Simon. And Y/N’s the one that notices.

They’re all at a pub after a mission and Simon’s being particularly chatty, easy going, making jokes. It’s almost suspicious but the team is really enjoying it, except Y/N. They notice it’s just a bit off. So when the team splits apart and is ready to go to their homes/back to base/a hotel/etc-

“Hey, Si! You got any plans after this?” The soldier calls, jogging up to the skull masked man with a smile. Simon looks at them and shakes his head. “Not in particular, I’ll just be headin’ to bed.” He answers. “Yeah? Well uh, how about we hang out a little longer, eh? Night’s pretty young.” They insist, still following beside him. “I think I’m good-“

“Simon.” Their light hearted tone is gone in an instant and it makes the man pause. Looking at their faces shows their worry, concern. They swallow and sigh. “If I let you go back home, alone. Will I see you tomorrow?” They ask, it’s a very odd question, one delivered with a lot of intensity. “…what do you mean?” He inquires. “Am I going to be sending you home with the peace of mind you’ll be up and walking by tomorrow?” They repeat. Simon turns slightly, clenching and unclenching his hands anxiously. “Just now, in that pub. Was all that energy real? Or…is it a sign I should be worried? Because I’ve seen that kind of behavior before. I’ve had that kind of behavior before. So if you’ve got something going on, I need you to tell me.”

Simon shifts uncomfortably under the weight of their questions, the heaviness in the air. Yet a small bit of his soul bursts with relief that someone noticed, someone actually bothered to notice. “I’m really not sure what you’re referring to, soldier. I’m fine.” He denies. They shake their head and look him over, trying the search for his honesty in the limited part of his face they can see. “I care about you. You know that?” Their voice is soft and sincere and it breaks a part of Simon’s tough shell in a gentle manner. “I do. A lot. And if you were in a dark place, or…if something were to happen to you? I’d be a wreck, you know? I give a shit. I really do.”

The silence he gives in reply is weighted. Simon looks away and anxiously scratches an itch in his cheek over his balaclava. “Simon.” He flinches at his name but turns to look at them anyway. It wasn’t pity in their gaze, nothing but unbridled sympathy and adoration. “Let me stick with you tonight. Or come back to the base with me. I know a the look of death lurking on someone’s shoulder and right now he’s practically spooning you.” The British soldier inhales to speak, but the words are caught in his system, and his chest shudders when they reach their hand out. They grasp his, squeezing it gently. “Not tonight, Si. Not for a long while yet.”

Simon swallows. “…ain’t gonna let me go the easy way, huh?” He asked, his voice is weak and distant. And for once he seems vulnerable. They smile anyway, gently. “No. It’d be out of character to make anything easy for you.” Their reply allows him to chuckle, just barely, but earnestly. “…alright. I’ll tell the reaper to reschedule.” He whispers. “Good man. We’ll go to my place, got some ice cream I’ve been meaning to share”. They respond, pulling him gently. It’s not fixed, nothing is ever that easy. But they pull him from the edge of life & death that night, this time by taking him home with them rather than on a battlefield. It wouldn’t be the first time, and Simon feels guilty that it probably won’t be the last. But he’s grateful anyway.

Grateful someone cared enough to notice.

[takami-takami]

Trigger warning: restrictive eating (medical), calorie numbers, weight, emeto. LONG SRY

I will say though. Now that it's gastroparesis awareness month! My story with gastroparesis.

Today, I ate a meal with my family. I ate rice, chicken without oil, and baked empanadas with ground chicken in them. And even though my mom had to cook me a separate plate that wasn't deep fried like everyone else's, I feel so at peace.

Today when I was at the doctor's office getting a physical form signed for school, my doctor turned to me and smiled and said, "I'm not telling them about your gastroparesis for stomach issues. You know where you are. Stable!" And I genuinely lit up and nodded.

There was a good period of my life where I was only eating 600-800 calories a day. I slept propped up to aid motility, I woke up every morning with pain and would wake up in the middle of the night. I had shakes and tremors when I took my medicine. I was tired, cold, underweight. I developed agoraphobia because I was so terrified of getting sick outside and not having my room to go run and hide in.

I had anxiety attacks about my food getting contaminated, and I yelled at people who touched or moved my food like a starved animal. Like, I genuinely felt like one.

I remember when I found the first nutrition shake I could keep down. After drinking one per day, I noticed I didn't drag my feet down the steps anymore. I actually did a little skip. And I felt so much joy and told everybody I knew, I can skip again! I could dance to music for a short amount of time again!

I remember how devastated and scared I was when Orgain changed the recipe to appeal to diet culture instead of health. I went right back to that dark place.

But I pushed myself, and once I noticed my volume intake limit increasing, I knew I had to start varying my diet because my gp was improving. So I dealt with refeeding, and it was hard. But I did it!

Over the past three years, I have slowly gotten better and better, more able to tolerate more volume and more foods. I stopped my SSRI antidepressant at the advice of my GI, and that definitely helped over the past year and a half. I also healed more from my trauma, which I do genuinely think helped me as well.

Now I weigh enough to donate blood again! I went to Japan and ate at restaurants! I get crepes with my sibling and the blueberries make me a little sick but I eat them anyway because I'm not so afraid anymore! I can go out with people to eat! I can eat with my family!!!!!!

Now, I just avoid high fat, high fiber foods and don't eat raw, unblended veggies/fruit. And I'm genuinely fine. I can literally check the nutrition label and EAT THAT NEW FOOD? RIGHT THERE? AS LONG AS IT'S LOW FAT/FIBER? THAT'S CRAZY!!!!! THAT'S CRAZY.

I'm just so happy. I have no idea how I managed back then, because I'm so fucking happy now. I'm genuinely happy, and I'm not in pain every day. Now I only experience pain if I eat something I'm not supposed to. That's so crazy. Genuinely.

I am very grateful. I have never felt something more soul-crushing than gastroparesis. It's a terrible diagnosis, and no one wants to study it because it's rare and a cure isn't "profitable". But it is a very, very painful diagnosis, and the suffering is real.

I'm just happy to be okay again. We genuinely need to find a cure because no one should have to live like that.

[cevansbrat0007]

Real Talk.

Warning: the following post contains mature themes and references to drug overdose, death, and Fentanyl.

For the record, what I'm about to say in regards to NARCAN has nothing to do with me standing on a soapbox. Instead, I'm asking that people do what they can to educate themselves on the importance and necessity of this life-saving drug.

And I'll start by telling you a story:

This morning, I went to check on my roommate who lives on the floor above me. She had asked me to make sure she didn't sleep through her many alarms like she always did so that she could make it to work on time. She's a server at a steakhouse chain - and a damn good one at that.

She's also my friend. A friend who, just like myself, is nearly nine months sober.

Except this morning when I knocked on her door, she didn't answer. And when I opened the door and peeked in her room she appeared to be fast asleep. But she was half naked, and the fan she had borrowed from me the night before was set to full blast. Even though it was cold outside.

Her room was like an ice box. And she was so pale. And no matter how loud I said her name, she wouldn't open her eyes and look at me.

She wouldn't wake up.

So I poked her in the shoulder. I shook her. I yelled her name. And then I realized her lips were blue. Her body was stiff. And she was cold to the touch.

The only sound she could make was that of a low, almost eerie groan. If I'm being honest, it's a sound that I'd never quite heard before. And I don't want to ever hear it again.

What I would come to realize seconds later was that my friend had overdosed on Fentanyl. Possibly a few hours earlier. Which meant she was fucking dying.

I panicked, of course. Because I'm an alcoholic. I've never touched Heroin, let alone witnessed an overdose. I know what to do if someone was suffering from, say, alcohol poisoning...but this...this was brand new territory.

Because with Fentanyl, seconds fucking matter.

I sprinted to wake up another girl. Seconds later we were back with our friend where our worst fear was absolutely confirmed.

Fentanyl Overdose.

I'd never fucking seen this. Never. But we didn't have time to fall apart because from there we dashed down the stairs. She went straight for the NARCAN and I went for my phone to call 911.

Less than a minute later, she and I were back in our friend's room to administer the NARCAN, only for us to realize that she wasn't breathing anymore.

By this point, another one of my housemates had joined us as well. And the others were soon to follow. While I was on the phone relaying instructions from the dispatcher on how to revive our friend, the others were moving her limp body to the floor.

They were doing chest compressions. Two were racing to find more NARCAN stashed in someone's glove compartment. And then another was directing EMS on where to go in the house.

It was a team effort to make sure this girl fucking lived. We could yell at her for this tomorrow. But for now, all we cared about was her living today.

I had never been through this. But as much as I hate to say this, today I was grateful that there were others in the house who had been through this before. For those who knew how to administer NARCAN.

In total, we administered something like 28 milligrams to bring her back. Which is a lot. A cop may have mumbled out something about us not waiting long enough in between doses to see if we'd given her enough before administering another. But he can go kick rocks.

Because we did the best we could all while running on straight adrenaline and doing everything we could to save someone while not falling apart in the process.

In the end, what matters is that she woke up. She was in pain. And very ill. And has since been admitted to the hospital.

Now the rest of us are left to deal with the tears and the adrenaline comedown, along with the guilt of all the signs we may or may not have missed. And that is really fucking shitty. I am so mad at my friend.

But at the same time, I love her so damn much. And I'm grateful that I will hopefully have the opportunity to share all these feelings with her one day soon.

She was fucking lucky. And so were we.

I'm grateful we found her in-time - because the paramedics made it very clear that we cut it real close. I'm grateful I live with people who found it in them to unite to save someone's life.

I'm grateful for NARCAN.

And beyond that, I'm grateful that I now know what to do with it. I never completely comprehended the weight of its importance until today. I didn't quite understand why my friend kept a stash of it in her glove compartment when she had no intentions of getting high anymore.

But today that stash saved her life. I'm begging you, if you have a loved one who suffers from this disease, please consider keeping this life-saving drug within reach.

Read up about it. Talk about it. Even if it makes you uncomfortable. Even if you can't fathom why someone would think of or want to use. Even if the idea of having to use it scares you.

I'm sure if it ever came down to it, you would rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it. Wouldn't you?

I've come to learn that many people who relapse, even after months of serious sobriety, don't plan it. It just happens. Impulsivity is a deadly part of this disease. One lapse in judgement - just one - could very well mean death.

It's really that serious.

Because with this disease, you're always guaranteed another relapse. But you're never guaranteed another recovery.

Thanks to NARCAN, my friend will have another shot.

That's all I've got for now, guys and gals. I'd be lying if I said we weren't all emotional wrecks over here. But it's all gonna be okay.

And finally, but most importantly: if you're struggling with anything, be it addiction or mental health, there is no shame in asking for help. Not now. Not ever. We're all human. We all need love.

We all deserve support to overcome our darkest of days.

Love, Britt

[randomvarious]

Today's mix:

Pure Garage Presents: Bass, Breaks & Beats by EZ 2001 UK Garage

There are *plenty* of times where you might find me lamenting over the unfortunate repeated failures of most British electronic and dance music to make significant impacts in the US, but when it comes to the genre of UK garage, know that I am super grateful that almost none of this shit managed to succeed Stateside, because the vast majority of this stuff is dumber than your own kitchen table 😵.

Cultivated in a country that's known for its own melting pot approach to music, UK garage naturally culminated in a confluence of things from a whole bunch of different genres, including drum n bass/jungle, breakbeat, dancehall, and house. Its own name had been derived from garage house, one of the earliest forms of house music as we know it, which is more rooted in elements of disco, R&B, gospel, and soul. And garage house itself was named after the venue where it was originally most famously spun at: New York's Paradise Garage, by the legendary DJ Larry Levan, which operated from the late 70s to late 80s.

But between garage house and UK garage was the indispensable link of speed garage. This music took the shuffled-snare house rhythms that'd been a hallmark of garage house, paired them with breakbeats, and then sped the whole thing up. A very inventive guy from New Jersey named Todd Edwards was a pioneer of this music, and became especially known for creating nicely textured melodies that were made of patched together strings of millisecond-long samples too. One of the only good tracks that happens to appear on this 2001 double-disc mix from UK garage stalwart DJ EZ (pronounced E-Zed) is Edwards' own "Show Me a Sign," which itself is, again, not a UK garage track, but speed garage instead—a sonic predecessor.

But what then followed speed garage was a British dance phenomenon of utter mindlessness 🚫🧠. UK garage took the speed garage idea of using those breakbeats and snares and then the only other additional things that people did with them was seep or ladle in fat and squelchy basslines—which were reminiscent of how the famous Reese bass had proved a worthy addition to drum n bass—and then peppered in vocal samples too. The music's only real unique versatility was that it could sound more akin to either house or breakbeat depending on the drum patterns that were chosen, but other than that, every track that leaned towards one or the other genre sounded very similar, because there's only so much that a person can do with a strictly percussive breakbeat and a bassline that seems to require a specifically fat and squelchy quality to it. People liked rapping over these beats too, which contributed a good level of energy to them, but to contrast it with hip hop—imagine that genre's beats being limited to only those specific combinations of breakbeat-and-bassline? I really don't think that it'd be the world's single-most popular genre of music right now if that'd ever been the case!

So, basically, UK garage sucked so much because of how overly simple its formula was, and because of that, how limited its sonic possibilities were too. You can scrub to pretty much any point on either of the discs for this mix here on YouTube and get a good idea of what both of them are entirely made of, because almost every single song utilizes a similar recipe of breakbeat-and-specific-bassline.

Not all UK garage turned out to be totally awful, though. When filtered through a contemporary R&B/pop kind of lens, it gave us essential early 2000s hits like Craig David's "Fill Me In" and Daniel Bedingfield's "Gotta Get Thru This"—two of the only UK garage tunes to achieve major success in the US.

But without any sort of pop sensibility lent to it, UK garage mostly just languishes in obscenely boring levels of formulaic unoriginality, as can be heard throughout the near entirety of this mix. I really don't understand how anyone could've ever enjoyed listening to this music for more than five minutes, but somehow, despite how totally reductive, devolutionary, and lobotomized it all felt, it still managed to flourish majorly on a commercial level in its home country, defining a piece of the UK's late 90s-to-early 2000s dance music landscape.

The only other track on here that I dig is "Firin' Times" by Swoopes (aka DJ Zinc), which isn't even a garage track of any sort—it's pure breakbeat! And it happens to make for a nice and unexpected spell from all the other gar(b)age that lines the rest of this whole mix.

So, ultimately, as an American, I'm really glad that 99.9% of this stuff didn't end up hitting our own airwaves. Besides those couple hits that I mentioned above, I've only ever really been exposed to UK garage in a similar way to how every year I'm made aware of the current fall season lineup of bad network TV shows—through all those ridiculous promo ad reads during football games 😂. In a sense, UK garage is like the BOB❤️ABISHOLA of dance music; you can just tell from the outset that it's gonna be dreadful, but the fact that it's managed to stick around for as long as it has indicates how popular it's been too, which then inevitably leads you to wonder, who on earth actually genuinely enjoys all of this terrible, terrible shit?!?

Listen to CD1 here. Listen to CD2 here.

Highlights:

CD1:

Swoopes - "Firin' Times"

CD2:

Todd Edwards - "Show Me a Sign"

[milkywaybottles]

Terzo (Papa III) x Skittish gn!reader s/o Headcanons!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

To the anon who sent this in, I AM SO SORRY FOR LOSING YOUR REQUEST. I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT BUT I SWEAR, I PROMISE YOU THAT I LOVED YOUR REQUEST. I got it out just in time for Halloween.

Thank you for sending it in, love xx

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Terzo x Skittish gn!reader s/o Headcanons!

Initially, Terzo enjoyed messing with people. He loved to scare them, surprise them, muster any reaction he could from them and laugh while doing so, especially as a mischievous teenager. He was desperate to pull the spotlight onto him as the youngest Emeritus.

He would run rampant around the cloisters, pulling habits off of heads and jumping from pillars with his hands extended. A shriek would echo off the marble walls, often sending a hasty Sister Imperator to reprimand him with a stern gaze.

Many of the partners he had in the past, not necessarily romantic, but sexual, had always been rather coy but still confident enough to the point where he never had to reassure them. In many ways, looking back, it made him question whether they were real relationships or not.

When you came along, you rocked his world. To put it plainly, you forced him to rethink the way he approached his relationships.

(Slight Story Headcanons)

After a handful of months of being in a committed partnership with one another, Halloween was quickly approaching and many of the Ghouls had brainstormed the idea to go to a haunted house at one of the Autumn markets. Terzo had been dismissive about the idea but eventually agreed to join as long as you went with him.

The idea racked your brain for days, causing you to nervously fumble at random times. Doing your best to internalise your anxiety, you put on a brave face and pretended to be excited about the daunting prospect.

When Dew, who was particularly thrilled about the idea, would bring the topic up, you would often shut him down, insisting on changing the subject, even subconsciously. Though, as soon as the words left your mouth, your face would turn red with embarrassment as you apologised.

It was a common misconception for Terzo to be aloof in nature, but he did notice these things.

Not thinking much of your reaction, he pushed it to the back of his mind as the day approached.

The day itself was a train wreck on your side. The ghouls had been having an amazing time, giggling and racing through the haunted house. As they exited the house and emerged back into the central market, they mocked the childish efforts of the actors. You, on the other hand, stood like a deer in headlights at the door of the house, refusing to move from your fixed spot. Goosebumps were raised on your skin as your mouth was drawn into a wobbly line. Terzo studied you, observing as you clenched your hands until your knuckles turned as pale as your face. While his gaze softened, his gloved hand found its way to your back. "We do not have to go in, bella"

A relieved and grateful sigh left your mouth as you turned back to the group, disappointment hanging over you like a cloud.

Your lover did his very best to cheer you up, offering you cuddles, kisses, hot drinks and fair food to keep you preoccupied. Until, eventually, the thought completely left your otherwise scattered brain.

(End)

He always remembers the signs which send him on high alert whenever you display them. Kicking into overdrive, he hovers over you, offering anything to relieve you of your fear.

He does his best to help you avoid tense situations, and when it is required, Terzo helps you through it, one step at a time.

You are his top priority in making sure you are as comfortable as you can be, especially when the spooky season rolls around the corner.

He scolds the ghouls, warning them that you are easily spooked and that if they played any tricks on you, they would have to respond directly to their Papa.

Terzo developed a method of dealing with your fright and found relaxing ways to take your mind off of anything bothering you. From massages to bubble baths, movie nights to cuddles and kisses, he would give anything to see your worry leave your troubled face.

He is your bravest protector, and while intimidating, is very sweet and concerning when it comes to you <3

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

[slivensays]

Fanfic meme! 2, 5, 7!

Thank you for the ask!

2: Is there a trope you’ve yet to try, but really want to?

I have been toying with the idea of a multiple pairing, a lil ménage-à-trois. I think that might be fun. Possibly in the “King’s Mercy” universe, in which Gríma would be very awkward about it (which is half of the fun). But possibly in some new or different setting instead.  

5: Share one of your strengths.

I think one of my strengths is stubbornness. Sticking to my concept and working away at it until it lands where I intended it to. Braiding all the threads together.

7: Share a snippet from one of your favourite pieces of prose that you have written and explain why you’re proud of it.

“How will the queen use her knowledge? There is a thaw, and she has yet to make any accusations. Soon, early flower buds shoot up along the southern wall of Meduseld; snowdrops, said to have befriended the snow by lending it some of their own white colour, back in the dawn of time when everything was new and the snow did not yet have a colour to call its own. That’s why the small flower is allowed to bloom even though the bitter colds still surround it. Gríma tells Brandwen the story the day she brings in some of the first flowers as a sign that spring has come. He meant it as a warning; snowdrops may bloom, but the winter is far from over. Brandwen, however, has the mind of the young and tends to see things from the bright side; flowers, surely, must mean spring has arrived.

And it does, if yet with some setbacks. Nights are still cold and there’s more snow, but one morning, there’s a blue tit singing in the herb garden, and that same afternoon its lone voice has been accompanied by several more. Small specks of yellow appear; winter aconite, eluding the cold fingers of winter as it grows on hills and in backyards. Simbelmynë, of course, blooms all through the year although it’s been buried underneath the snow and peeks out now in the sharp sunlight just as would any other flower of spring. And still, the queen has not sent for Gríma.”

Predictably, this is from “Finding new words”. But I am especially proud of this fic because it is by far the largest project I’ve ever written (and it was never supposed to be so long! I knew the story would play out during a year, not that I’d write it in “real time”!), and there was far more research and worldbuilding going into this than in any previous project. I wanted to make the world come alive, and I wanted things to make sense! How would one plausibly get away with embezzlement in Minas Tirith (don’t try this at home)? What if people who were incapable of communicating plainly tried to use board games to get their points across instead (do not recommend), and, if so, which games would they play? What are some cultural differences in Rohan and Gondor, and how to visualize them? Where can secret lovers meet? And, not to forget, what about plumbing (important because fountains)?

I had so much fun writing this, and I do feel most grateful to the small yet loyal crowd encouraging me. Every little like on an update notification really mattered!

I also had fun with inserting some old stories and fairy tales, such as the one about the snowdrops, for worldbuilding and for the offhand chance that someone might recognise them.

In short, I had a year of writing, and I had a lot of fun, so thank you so much for reading! 😊

[jeanstapleton]

How do you think Munch lived before? Where did he live? Where does he sleep? I wanted some details, because I'm trying to write some kind of fic and I'm not that good at it, what do you think? Where was he before Roy hired him? I wanted to write a fic without all the erotic stuff that part of the fandom does, I want something more serious, about his trajectory. So, I wanted some ideas: did he live by breaking into houses? Did he live on empty plots of land? What was he eating? What did he do on a daily basis? Where does he get cigarettes and so on? Sam said that the idea is that he doesn't carry things with him, because he's the kind of guy who when he needs to, grabs a gun, a cigarette and so on. Like the scene of him picking up the cigarette from the ground, what did he do before? What kind of jobs was he taking? Just kidnappings and murders? What do you imagine? Has he had other "Irma's"? Where did he break in and stay quietly in the person's house? Where did he sleep in the meantime? I would like some insights, I am grateful for your headcanons.

all great questions!! under the cut since my responses are kinda long:

so according to munch in the finale, he doesn't need to sleep. we can assume his curse has left him biologically frozen in time like a vampire. i think he was still able to rest & eat, but they dont actually serve any real purpose. he's not restored afterward nor would he suffer when deprived of those things. he closes his eyes, but he doesnt relax or dream. he eats, but it just disappears inside him. this makes it tricky to pinpoint why exactly he's a smoker, though. if i had to pull something out of my ass real quick, i'd say its an easy way to confirm his own existence, like how we can see our breath when its cold, or when we hold our hands close to fire. it becomes addicting to him in that sense, rather than his body needing nicotine itself. he wouldn't respond negatively to cigarettes at all, but because tobacco just generally stains anything it's in prolonged contact with, that explains why his teeth are so tarnished.

as for jobs, i genuinely think he was a drifter in every sense of the word. he has an innate need for creature comforts so i think his quests to find those things lead him to kill-or-be-killed situations. money is also a tricky topic bc idk what it'd mean to him apart from a sign that the completion of a job has been acknowledged & properly compensated. he didn't seem to care about roy's money once he acquired it. my guess is, in relation to your "irma" question as well, that he leaves money where it's most needed. he clearly gave some to her when she returned to the house with groceries.

munch might have acquired firearms by brazenly attacking organized crime circles or just stealing off of criminals. i think he'd be efficient & quick enough that the murders would just be reported as internal conflict.

i don't see him as a vigilante but i also don't think he'd just hurt people indiscriminately. he's had centuries for his hatred of the rich to fester, & he's very clearly disturbed by the deaths of innocents re: irma. i understand this is kind of a conundrum where dot is concerned, but again, it's represented through a cycle. munch maintains it by allowing himself to be employed by the powerful to secure that throwaway money. all he knows after being hired by the tillmans is that a rich man wants his wife back, whom he probably assumes is also rich, like bunny lebowski. it's only after he sees how hard dot fights back that he questions the nature of the job.

i think munch has had other "irma's", but not recently. i said this in a previous post, but i think every once in a while back in the day he'd stop by a rural family's home & offer to help them out for a bit in exchange for food & board, which he only took advantage of for a couple of days out of fear that his presence would somehow attract danger. again, this is less of a need to satisfy biological hunger & more about his hunger for companionship & family. losing that which he found in the indigenous tribes that invited him in left him very hesitant to seek it out anywhere else. fleeting moments are better than none at all. something else to dwell on is him assigning irma as his temporary "mama". from this we can infer 3 things:

he misses having a mom, & he wants someone to take care of him. obvious.

calling her his "mama" might be a way of apologizing for scaring her. awkward, yes. ineffective, yes. but the title suggests purity, hardship, and the respect owed to a mother who exhibits those things. another example of his innate connection to women.

he suggests it casually, showing he doesn't feel guilty for breaking in. this interested me for a bit since it makes him partly responsible for irma's death, but the more i thought about it, it makes sense because he is aware of his own power, power he wasn't employing to bully. in exchange for her charity, he promised to protect her. this made her death that much worse & undoubtedly stirred past trauma.

there's also the question of his sudden need for a mama. what about the dot job made him that lonely or scared? my theory is that the kin connection to dot was sparked during their "battle". he didn't know how to respond to it, especially considering this woman was briefly his victim. he figured he could seek an outlet somewhere else, but somewhere incedentally close to dot, in a house in the suburbs. his ability to "know people" must've told him that irma was not one of the suburbanites. she is ignored, her house is falling apart, etc. this is presumably why he didn't break into a more well-off house.

when he doesn't want to go through the trouble of bothering people, he'd most likely find uninhabited homes or buildings to squat in. the little hut in the beginning of episode 9 intrigued me, but nothing about it suggested it was owned by him. it might just be a shed used by ice fishers. it made me think of the one wrench & numbers used in s1 to keep warm.

as for what munch does in his spare time, there's nothing in the show to really drive me in one direction or another, so i like to think he reads. finding books without the use of a library is not uncommon (those little free libraries where ppl leave books for others to take). plus he can just steal & then leave them somewhere when he's done. i like to think reading is how he learned to speak english, even way back in his early years.

[autobot-ratchet]

Lost Light 19-21

Lost Light 19

omg I forgot that Swerve and Misfire do a dual recap at the beginning of this issue lmAO truly a match made in heaven. So to speak lmfAO

Brainstorm trying to get through to sparkeater-Perceptor...

and now the whole gang's here, thanks for the infodump fellas lmAO

hell yeah, good on Rodimus for not letting Getaway bait him into flying off the handle

“I don't care about Getaway. I care about you.” that's fucken RIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!! He's RIGHT and he should SAY IT

honestly Anode is so valid to be terrified of scraplets, my house is unfortunately dealing with a flea outbreak and it's fucking awful lmAO and scraplets are basically if fleas could eat your flesh so yeah, valid, fuck that noise

cannot wait for Cyclonus and Roddy to kill all three of these fools

Lost Light 20

gdjfdk Nickel saying “fuck the organics” and mashing go on the experimental medicine button

Rodimus really said “Even if Cyberutopia had been real, you'll always be cringe” to Getaway and he's right

I still love that the scraplets from the holiday special are not only relevant once again but also they remember and love Whirl

it's also still unbelievably funny how quick Cyclonus kills Star Saber. “I want this to last,” he says, fucking LOL get bisected idiot

I will always be grateful that Rodimus got to call Getaway a son of a bitch, LOVE that Roddy got to bypass the censors just this once, he deserves it

“I used to think I was special! But I'm not, am I? I'm not anything, I'm just... I'm just an M.T.O. with ideas above his station.” worlds smallest violin.mp3

“He really thought we were about to kill him.” “Weren't you?” weren't YOU??? both of y'all got beef and want his ass dead, what's this “you” business this is a "we" situation lmAO

there's my boy, there's my boy with his proper colors, doing the right thing, not letting Getaway be right about him, I'm still so fuckign proud :') that's my BOY

“I'm not like him.” THAT'S FUCKING RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT HRAGHFDGHSH HOOTS AND HOLLERS AND GENERALLY MAKES A SPECTACLE OF MYSELF

so Cyclonus knows what tumblr is but he doesn't know what fan fiction is, noted lmAO he went on tumblr one time, saw a single shitpost, and decided fuck this whole website and you know what he's right

get skeletonized, idiot. Like genuinely though, after all the people he fed to these exact scraplets, getting devoured by them after they tricked him into thinking they were Primus come to save him is absolutely some form of divine justice lmAO especially after immediately squandering the second chance Rodimus gave him

ooh here we go, it's endgame time

Lost Light 21

aww I'm glad (most of) the mutineers are okay again, they didn't know all this fuck shit would happen, they didn't sign up for it, they just wanted Megatron off their ship

oh it is good to be back on the Lost Light lmfAO I missed my house

Anode and Swerve just on the ground eating dirt

“This has to unfold as foreseen.” interesting choice of words. I figured the Grand Architect was the driving force behind this plot because he made the plot himself, but this makes it sound like he is also receiving future visions much like Drift is. I'll be real I do not remember much of anything about how and why exactly this final altercation comes to pass lmAO I just remember the end result and the big reveals so I'm really trying to pay attention this time around

hell yeah Roddy, fuck their stupid made up rules, we don't gotta adhere to nothing

I'll admit I feel next to nothing about Sunder but it is very funny how he's gone from genuinely terrifying boogeyman to just some fuckin weirdo now that he can't do mnemosurgery anymore

so the Black Block Consortia is actually made up of mechs disguised as organics, meaning that Nickel's racism toward organics is completely invalidated lmfAO granted Froid isn't saying WHEN the Grand Architect took over the Black Block Consortia so maybe they killed all of Nickel's people before that. Fingers crossed that that's not the case because I think it would be really funny for her to get owned lmAO

oh so the Grand Architect physically WENT to the future instead of simply having visions about it

“In preparing to confront the future, you made it come to pass!” fuckin. Prepare, confront, repel, I get it lmfAO

lol get chainsawed idiot. Honestly I am so happy to see Pharma, even if it isn't really Pharma

I'm also happy to see Megatron again, now the whole gang truly IS here