#Holistic Brain Care

[ecomehdi]

The Brain: Exploring the Benefits of Stonehenge Health Dynamic Brain Supplements 2023

In a world dominated by screens, notifications, and constant connectivity, it’s hard not to wonder: Is technology shaping our brains for the better or for the worse? As we dive into this thought-provoking journey, let’s unravel the intricacies of the relationship between technology and our brains, exploring the impact it has on our cognitive well-being. Introduction Let’s embark on a journey to…

[urlocallesbiab]

it is the devil's trap to spend more time than is necessarily wise on analysing character motivations, proposing various theoritical models of their inner worlds & considering which directions the plot could go in post-canon and which themes it could develop, and i have totally fucking fallen for it. now, having spent too much time on both the babygirlification of hugo friedkin and tinkering with s3 possibilities and headcanons, i am lost as how to being explaining to others the occult knowledge of hugo friedkin/michael assistent being fated lovers and literally perfect for each other, or mona wilder & farah black being best friends forever and impeccable foils to each other. i have dug for myself the rabbit hole/grave of obscure headcanons and rareships, and now must lie in it.

[thathilomgirl]

This is probably coming from me starting a new job and doing like 10 hours worth of CPD last week, but when I think about how Anna might be she does end up in some of health-related profession, it would really depend whether she’s more care-based or cure-based in her approach to her patients

[transmutationisms]

serious question but do you personally believe there is a way to approach psychiatry in a way that uplifts and upholds patient autonomy and wellness or is the entire trade essentially fucked haha. Btw this is an ask coming from a 3rd year med student—with a background of severe mental illness—who is considering a residency in psychiatry after receiving life-saving care in high school pertaining to said conditions. (I have peers who have been involuntarily hospitalized and treated horribly in psych wards, with approaches i patently disagree with, but was lucky not to experience. I don’t like modern american medicine’s approach to mental illness; “throw pills” at it to “make it go away” ie. a problem of overprescribing, inadequate and non-holistic approach to mental health, and i feel a lot of that can be attributed to the capitalistic framework. I also def agree with you that so much of what can be considered normal human responses to traumatic events/normal human suffering can be unnecessarily pathologized—a great example being the whole “chemical imbalances in the brain is the ONLY reason why im like this” argument that ive unfortunately fallen hard for when i was younger and am still currently dismantling within myself…and like dont even get me started on this field’s history of demonizing POC, women, LGBT, etc). Like i deeply love my psych rotations so far, and i utterly feel in my gut that this is the manner in which i would like to help people—a lot of whom are just like me—but im wondering if there is a way to reconcile these aspects in a way that one can feel morally okay participating within such an imperfect system, in ur opinion… ngghhhhhh i just want to be a good doctor to my patients…

(ps i love all ur writing and analysis on succession!! big fan mwah <333)

i don't mean to sound unduly pissy at you, specifically, but i do have to say: every single time i've talked about antipsych or broader criticism of medicine on this website, i immediately get a wave of responses like this, from doctors/nurses/psychs/students of the above, asking me to, like, reassure them that they're not doing something immoral or un-communist or whatever by having or pursuing these jobs. and it's honestly frustrating. why is it that these conversations get re-framed around this particular line of inquiry and medical ego-soothing? why is it that when i say "the medical encounter is not structured to protect patient autonomy or well-being," so many people hear something more along the lines of "doctors are mean and i wish they were nicer"? why is it that it's impossible to discuss the philosophical and structural violence of academic and clinical medicine without it becoming a referendum on the individual morality of doctors?

i'm choosing to read you in good faith because i think it's possible to re-re-frame this line of questioning to demonstrate to you the sorts of critiques and inquiries i find more interesting and more conducive to patient autonomy and liberation. so, let me pick apart a few lines of this ask.

"is the entire trade essentially fucked?"

if you're thinking of trying to 'reform' the project of medical psychology within existing infrastructures and institutions, then yeah, it's fucked. if you're still assuming that affective distress can only be 'treated' within this medical apparatus (despite, again, no psychiatric dx satisfying any pathologist's understanding of a 'disease' ie an aberration from 'normal' physiological functioning) then you're not challenging the things that actually make psychiatry violent. you're simply fantasising about making the violence nicer.

"I don’t like modern american medicine’s approach to mental illness; “throw pills” at it to “make it go away” ie. a problem of overprescribing, inadequate and non-holistic approach to mental health, and i feel a lot of that can be attributed to the capitalistic framework."

i hate when i talk about psychotropic drugs being marketed to patients using lies like the chemical imbalance myth, and then pushed on patients—including through outright force—by psychiatrists, and the discussion gets re-framed as one about 'overprescribing'. my problem is not with people taking drugs. i am, in fact, so pro-drugs that i think even the ones administered in a clinical setting sometimes have value. my issue is with, again, the provision of misleading or outright false information, the use of force and coercion to put patients on such drugs in order to force social conformity and employability, and the general model of medicine and medical psychology that assumes patients ought to be passive recipients of medical enlightenment rather than active participants in their own treatment who are given the agency to decide when and how to engage with any form of curative or meliorative intervention.

'holistic' medicine and psychiatry do not solve this problem! they are not a paradigm shift because they continue to locate expertise and epistemological authority with the credentialed physician, and to position patients as too sick, stupid, or helpless to do anything but receive and comply with the medical interventions. there are certainly psychotropic drugs that are demonstrably more harmful than others (antipsychotics, for example), and some that are demonstrably prescribed to patients who do not benefit from them and are even harmed by them. conversely, there are certainly forms of intervention besides pharmaceuticals that people may find helpful. but my general critique here is aimed less at haggling over specific methods of intervention, and more at the ideological and philosophical tenets of medicine that cause any interventions to be imposed by force or coercion on patients, then framed as being 'for their own good'. were suffering people given the information and autonomy to actually choose whether and how to engage in any kind of intervention, some might still choose drugs! my position here is not one of moralising drugs, but making the act of taking them one that is freely chosen and available as an option without relying on physician determination of a patient's interests over their own assessment of their needs and wants.

"so much of what can be considered normal human responses to traumatic events/normal human suffering can be unnecessarily pathologized"

true, but don't misunderstand me as saying that drugs or any other form of intervention should be forcibly withheld from those who do want them and are made fully aware of what risks and harms seeking them could entail. again, this would still be an authoritarian model; my critique is aimed at increasing patient autonomy, not at creating equally authoritarian and empowered doctors who just have slightly different treatment philosophies.

"dont even get me started on this field’s history of demonizing POC, women, LGBT, etc"

ok, framing this as "demonisation" tells me that you're not understanding that, again, this is a systemic and structural critique. it is certainly true that a great many doctors currently are, and have historically have been, outright racist, trans/misogynist, ableist, and so on. framing this as a problem of a well-intentioned discipline being corrupted by some assholes is getting it backwards. medicine attracts prejudiced people, not to mention strengthens and promotes these prejudices in its entire training and practice infrastructures, because of its underlying philosophical orientation toward enforcing 'normality' as defined by 18th-century statistics and 19th-century human sciences that explicitly place white, cis, able-bodied european men as the normal ideal that everyone else is inferior to or failing to live up to. doctors who really nicely tell you that you're too fat are still using bmi charts that come from the statistical anthropometry of adolphe quételet and the flawed actuarial calculations of metlife insurance. doctors who really nicely deny you access to transition surgery are still operating under a paradigm that gives the practitioner authority over expressions and embodiments of gender. the issue isn't 'demonisation', it's that medicine and psychiatry explicitly attempt to render judgments about who and what is 'normal' and therefore socially 'healthy', and enforce those standards on patients. this is not a promotion of patient well-being, but of social conformity.

"i deeply love my psych rotations so far, and i utterly feel in my gut that this is the manner in which i would like to help people"

let me ask you a few questions. you say that you like your psych rotations... but how do your patients feel about them? is their autonomy protected? are they in treatment by free choice, and free to leave any time they wish? are they treated as human beings with full self-determination? if you witnessed a situation in which a patient was coerced or forced into a certain treatment, or in which you were not sure whether they were consenting with full knowledge or freedom, would you feel empowered to intervene? or would doing so threaten your career by exposing you to anger and retaliation from your higher-ups? what higher-ups will you be exposed to as a resident, and then as a practicing physician? could you practice in a way that committed fully, 100%, to patient autonomy if you were working at someone else's practice, or in a hospital or clinic? could you, according to current medical guidelines, even if you had your own practice?

when you say "this is the manner in which i would like to help people", what do you mean by "this"? can you define your philosophy of treatment, and the relationship and power dynamic you want to have with any future patients? is it one in which you hold authority over them and see yourself as determining what's in their 'best interests', even over their own expressed wishes? have you connected with patient advocates, psych survivors (other than your friends), and radical psychiatrists and anti-psychiatrists who may espouse heterodox treatment philosophies that you could consider? do you think such philosophies are sufficient for protecting patient autonomy and well-being, or are they still models that position the physician's judgment and authority over that of the patient?

"im wondering if there is a way to reconcile these aspects in a way that one can feel morally okay participating within such an imperfect system"

and here is the crux of the problem with this entire ask. you are wondering how to sleep at night, if you are participating in a career you find morally distasteful. where, though, do your patients enter into that equation? do you worry about how they sleep at night, after having interacted with a system of social violence that may very well have traumatised them under the guise of providing help? why does your own guilty conscience worry you more than violations of your patients' bodies, minds, and basic self-determination?

i can't tell you whether your career path is morally acceptable to you. i don't think this type of guilt or self-flagellation is fruitful and i don't think it helps protect patients. i don't, frankly, have a handy roadmap sitting around for creating a new system of medicine and health care that rests on patient autonomy. affective distress is real, and is not something we should have to bear alone or with the risk of having violence inflicted upon us. what you need to ask yourself is: how does the medical model and establishment serve people experiencing such distress? how does it perpetuate violence against them? and how do you see yourself countering, or perpetuating, such violence as someone operating within this discipline? what would it mean to be a 'good' actor within a violent system, if you do indeed believe that such a thing is ontologically possible?

[renphousa]

What is Foot Reflexology?

Foot reflexology is a popular alternative therapy that involves applying pressure to specific points on the feet, corresponding to different organs and systems in the body. This practice is based on the belief that these points, known as reflex points, can help relieve tension, improve circulation, and promote overall well-being. Reflexologists use their hands, fingers, and thumbs to stimulate these points, believed to release blockages and promote healing throughout the body. Many people turn to foot reflexology as a natural and holistic way to address various health concerns and to promote relaxation and stress relief.

Foot Reflexology for Stress and Anxiety

When it comes to relieving stress and anxiety, foot reflexology can be an effective way as it stimulates specific reflex points on the feet. Remember that there are some specific reflex points that can help in managing stress and anxiety, including the Diaphragm Reflex, Pituitary Reflex, Spinal Reflexes, and Adrenal Reflexes.

The potential benefits of massaging these specific reflex points include promoting relaxation and reducing muscle tension, improving circulation, and balancing hormone levels. By incorporating foot reflexology into a regular self-care routine, individuals may experience a reduction in overall stress and anxiety levels.

Does Foot Reflexology for Stress and Anxiety Work?

Foot reflexology can be effective in reducing stress and anxiety by targeting specific reflex points associated with the body's stress response.

Its application directly impacts the peripheral nervous system, crucial in the body's stress response. By targeting specific reflex points, foot reflexology can help to improve the flow of energy and promote a sense of balance and harmony within the body, leading to reduced stress and anxiety levels.

Beyond its effects on the nervous system, foot reflexology promotes relaxation by triggering the release of endorphins, which are natural "feel-good" chemicals in the brain. This can further contribute to stress reduction and overall well-being.

In essence, foot reflexology can be an effective stress management strategy, offering a holistic approach to addressing stress and anxiety by targeting specific reflex points and promoting relaxation within the body.

Effective Foot Massage Techniques to Reduce Stress and Anxiety

Effective foot massage techniques for reducing stress and anxiety include effleurage, a gentle stroking movement that helps to promote relaxation by increasing blood flow and releasing tension in the foot muscles. Thumb walking involves using the thumbs to apply pressure in a walking motion, which can help alleviate stress and reduce anxiety by targeting specific pressure points in the foot.

Another beneficial technique is kneading, which involves using the hands to gently knead and manipulate the foot muscles, helping to release built-up tension and promote a sense of calm and relaxation. Additionally, toe rotation can be effective in reducing stress as it targets the toes, promoting flexibility and relieving tension in the foot muscles.

Finally, ankle flex and stretch can help reduce stress and anxiety by promoting flexibility and relieving tightness in the ankles, ultimately leading to a more relaxed and tension-free state. Overall, these foot massage techniques effectively reduce stress and anxiety by promoting relaxation, increasing blood flow, and releasing tension in the foot muscles. Incorporating these techniques into a regular foot massage routine can provide significant relief from stress and anxiety.

[1d1195]

Protection VIII

Read the rest here: Protection

Hi, this is kinda fast paced, idk. I'm def not confident about this section at all. I feel like it's got potential but I don't think I know what I'm doing. But I don't have a choice but to give it a shot anyway. I know I've mentioned before, but I like Grey's Anatomy and stupid cheesy movies with scenes like this.

Warnings: angst, blood, weapons, lots of sad sad stuff. I actually don't know how blood loss works or g*n shot wounds either but it's for the plot also this is very dramatized because the writing side of my brain is a drama queen. I don’t think it’s very accurate scientifically or logically so if you would be as so kind as to look at it “holistically” and try to just envision something super serious along these lines I would GRATEFULLY appreciate it. Also, I don't know how tech works. Sorry if it seems a bit awful

~5.9k words.

Thank you oh so much to @freedomfireflies for beta reading so I could feel a little better about actually posting this.

More than anything he wanted her to be there. Sitting on her bed reading or sleeping as she always was. He imagined her smug smile and her lilting voice murmuring “gotcha,” like this was the funniest prank.

Harry, for better or for worse, prided himself on being a hard worker. But for the last three days, and especially today, he didn’t care. He had spent the first half of that horrific day answering thousands of questions. The latter half was spent learning his new office job. When he got back to his apartment—a place he’d hardly spent any time in over the last two weeks—he finally let the tears and frustration course through him. He tried to call her again, but he received a message that his number had been blocked.

He called his mum and broke down.

So, he entered the building. It would be this way now. Day three of filing paperwork that he had spent so many hours writing for her. Now he was at the other end of it. Learning an office job when all he wanted was to head right to her flowery little place and beg her to explain. He wanted to kiss her, touch her, and promise her anything her heart wanted. He didn’t understand and he was floundering. How did he fix this? How was he supposed to breathe? After all that. After all the kisses, all the touches. All the touches he didn’t get and all the ones he deprived her of because it wasn’t protocol. What a stupid idiot.

Good luck, honey bun :( his mum texted. She texted it yesterday too and he wondered how long she would have to text it to him before the frowny face disappeared.

Harry was destined for another hundred meetings explaining that he had no idea she was feeling this way. Because of course, despite the fact he did know what she was feeling—because he felt it too—he felt so much loyalty to her. He didn’t know what her game was or why she was trying to sell it that it was one-sided, but despite how sad he was, she was brilliant. A biochemist in the making, of course, and if she had to break his heart, he believed (or wanted to believe) that she was doing the right thing.

Harry sat at his newly assigned desk and looked at the papers in front of him. Eventually, he would make her grovel for forgiveness. This was too much paperwork for him, and she had to have known how much he would have hated it. But he also thought that she would just look at him through her pretty eyelashes that drove him mad, smelling like flowers, and say sorry and that would be plenty.

There had to be an end to this. He was certain of it.

Niall wasn't allowed to tell him anything that he heard. Harry wasn't allowed to ask about her either (Niall, naturally a stickler for protocol, was following the rule--he didn't even know what she was up to. His job was to train Harry. Their supervisor saw to it that she was under his own surveillance.

"It feels m'being forced t'write with m'left hand after being right handed for m'whole life," he explained to Niall dejectedly. For five months his thoughts were consumed with the flowery girl he fell so incredibly hard for. Overnight she was just gone.

Harry began flipping through papers and tapping at his keyboard for all of four minutes when Niall suddenly dragged him out of his seat, down the hall, and back out the front door without a word. “Niall!” He ground out bitterly. He wasn’t in the mood. He wanted to kill his friend a bit for even recommending he be part of this. He wished he wasn’t her bodyguard. At least he wouldn’t be sour with heartache.

But honestly, Harry owed Niall his entire life for bringing him to her.

“She’s gone.”

Harry stared at him blankly. “Who?”

Niall slapped him across the face—not quite hard but enough to stun him and knock some sense into him. “She’s gone.”

Harry felt like this was a dream. His brain was floating distantly. “What are y’talking ‘bout?”

“There's an email on my phone, to my private email, from a random address, a random IP address. It’s her. She said DSS is compromised...that someone in the department wants her out of the picture and if I’m reading it, it means that she is not in her apartment regardless of what they say. The very same email is going to be sent in ninety minutes to everyone at DSS.”

Harry shook his head. “No, that’s a lie.”

“Harry,” Niall said. “It’s going to...blow everything up. You have to—”

“Niall, that’s ridiculous. She would—”

“She said to tell you the email is from Miss Wildflower.”

The words died in his throat. “No,” he shook his head. That wasn’t something he’d ever written down, wasn’t something he called her to anyone else. That was for him and her...and... “No...it’s not her. She’s fine,” he was in denial. How could he not be? The thought that something happened to her? This wasn’t just some long routed way of her anxiety taking over and ruining something before it started. It wasn’t getting Harry off her detail so they could spend Christmas together (something he had convinced himself of when he was crying to his mom the night before).

“No, Harry, and I'm gonna have to go make a scene and tell them but I’m giving you a head start because she's giving you a head start. You don’t have time to waste here. I’m telling them I sent you home. That you’re too distraught to work.”

Swallowing hard, he nodded. “Okay.”

“She didn’t want you to get hurt,” Niall said. “She was...scared.” Harry frowned and nodded even though he thought he was going to be sick. He winced as he thought it over. Put his hands on his knees as he took heaving breaths. “Harry,” Niall said gently. “You don’t have time—”

“Jus’ shut up, Niall,” he croaked. Niall was silent, biting the inside of his cheek. He couldn’t imagine the heartache and anguish his friend was feeling.

“At least...at least there was a reason, right?” Niall murmured.

If it meant her harm or kidnapping or...worse. No. It wasn’t worth it. It didn’t matter the reason. “Yeah...” he mumbled.

*

Since Harry was no longer on her detail, he assumed he wouldn’t be allowed into her apartment building—at least not through the main entrance.

Even if he was allowed in the main entrance, he had to work under the assumption that whatever compromised agents would be waiting out front for him. So he would need an alternate route.

He hurried up her fire escape and opened her bedroom window just as he knew she did the very first day he met her. He was suddenly grateful for her never listening to Harry about protocol. He was glad the window was unlocked. That seemed like a lifetime ago.

More than anything he wanted her to be there. Sitting on her bed reading or sleeping as she always was. He imagined her smug smile and her lilting voice murmuring “gotcha,” like this was the funniest prank.

Her pretty poinsettia and snowdrop apartment enveloped him like a hug. He wanted to bask in the smell of her pine-scented Christmas tree, the way her perfume made him feel at home, and just be there with her. But instead, he was trying hard to keep focus while he wanted nothing more than to break down and sob into the pillow that smelled like her shampoo.

He listened quietly and heard no one in the rest of the apartment. He searched for clues of any kind but there were none. No sign of a struggle. It was like she went with them willingly. Knowing her, she probably convinced them to let her walk on her own. But part of him believed she would have put up a fight. She had to have, right?

Her phone was on the counter. So there was no way to track her, he saw the tens of messages that came from him before he was blocked, a few from Niall, and several from the professor she would be working with next semester.

But it was Harry’s phone vibrating in his pocket was the one that pulled him from his thoughts.

Unknown: Video Attachment.

She was there. He could see her in the preview. Seeing her was like breathing again after being stuck under water for a hair too long. She was alive. She had memorized Harry’s number.

Harry thought memorizing his number was...

If it were possible to fall more in love with her, he did. It couldn't be possible because there simply wasn't room. He was already so in love with her. And it was just his phone number, after all. But he did. He fell so much harder. It felt like the marrow in his bones were aching for her touch.

Harry swallowed and sat on her sofa as he played it.

“Hi Dad...um...” she swallowed hard, like there was a lump in her throat. She looked okay. Her hair was in a braid, strands of it coming out and there was a redness to only one of her cheeks...like she had been slapped. Harry gripped his phone tightly to keep from throwing it. Her eyelashes, those pretty fluttery things that drove him nuts with desire for her, looked wet. His heart pounded. “You know,” she took a deep, shaky breath and she sucked her lip into her mouth.

“Hurry up,” he heard in the background. Wherever she was was nondescript. A construction site by the look of it. Nothing in the video sounded or looked like anything of use to finding her location. She shook her head quickly and tried again. Swallowed again.

“When Mom died, I thought the people that murdered her should have just...ended my life too. I know you know someone murdered her. No one believed me. Not one person. And I thought...I was the only person left in your life. You were supposed to love me and take care of me the way she always did. It killed me every single day that you didn’t—that you don't. It hurts so much that you hate me. Please. Just do what he asks; give him whatever...I don't want to die," she was being so brave. It was the way she held herself. How she seemed to stand straighter in the video. But Harry could hear the nervousness. Who wouldn't be nervous? It broke his heart that she was fighting and being so incredibly brave. "I’ll never bother you ever again. I’ll...go....I'll leave the country...I’ll just go."

“You have two hours,” and then he received a message from the same unknown number, the location of the park he went to when she twisted her ankle.

Harry only had a little under an hour because he knew DSS was going to be on their way soon—especially after Niall sent them on their way. If they received this message too, they would go through some inane plan that would decidedly not work--especially knowing that they were compromised. He was going to send the messages to Niall’s email from an rerouted IP address as soon as he watched the videos a few more times because if they were going to terrify her, Harry was going to help ruin their plan. They would wait for the park. It was what they did. It was the surest way. Protocol.

Harry would have given anything to see her roll her eyes at the word.

He watched the video again. And again. On the third time he was looking at the screen so closely, his eyes looking for some secret message hidden in the pixels. She looked okay, cozy. She was wearing the sweatshirt that Harry wore when he was soaked with rain—when the worst thing that happened to her was that stupid guy leaving her injured in a park. She didn’t look injured now, at least. His heart was aching. It had to be something. She wouldn’t have sent this to him for no reason--it was intended for her dad. It had to be a sign. Moreover, she said something about leaving the country--that had to be for Harry.

Harry felt like he would die if he didn’t figure it out on the next play through. It couldn’t be too hard. She may be a biochemist, but she couldn't have made it something ridiculous for him to solve. He wasn't a biochemist after all. That concert seemed like a lifetime ago. His agitation for losing her phone seemed stupid in comparison. He would tell her such as soon as he found her.

Now he was thinking about everything, every interaction they had as he stared at his phone, trying to will the hidden message to appear. It felt like it was a miracle she lost her phone at that concert. At least he told her she needed a failsafe at that point in time. Although he thought it would be for a guy that was too forward.

It was her hands.

They fidgeted throughout the entire video. He didn’t notice at first. She was nervous, her hands were tied together. Her fingers had to be going numb. He wished he had taught her how to break out of zip ties, maybe she could have escaped all on her own.

But that was when he noticed it. If it weren’t for him knowing the basics enough to know his own name when he saw it, he might not have paid any mind to the shape of her fist. Her fingers were shaking near the middle of her stomach. Her left hand was fidgeting wildly. But her right hand had a pattern, a fist, her pinky, her index and middle finger, another fist, her index finger.

Harry was glad her backpack was untouched. He grabbed one of her index cards and searched on his phone for the American Sign Language alphabet. He knew the first one was A because of his own name. Her pinky meant I. An R. Harry got it...it was her failsafe.

“Good girl,” he murmured to no one. Air. It took him four extra seconds to discern between S, M, N, E, A before he finally moved to the last two. He settled on T because the next letters were another A and G.

AirTag.

What would have an AirTag on her? He didn't have time to question it. He slid her computer out of her bag next, an index card falling from it.

His heart broke.

Harry— I Am SO sorry. I am so, so, so sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you. I know you’re going to find me because...you’re you and you make me feel safe. And because...well... I adore you. So much. I tried so hard not to, and I tried so hard to push you away and... Please TRY to forgive me. I promise I did it with reason. I’m so sorry, Harry. SO sorry.

He didn’t have time to cry but he shoved the note in his pocket, wishing he told her he loved her at least once. Ever. He couldn’t pore over her words. Couldn’t guess what she was thinking or doing. There wasn’t time for him to guess how she knew he would find this note. Of course, she couldn’t just put all the answers on this index card because if she did, anyone could find it. Someone at DSS would have found it if she hadn’t perfectly planned for Niall to send him here beforehand. He had to find her faster and before that stupid, corrupt building got there.

Now he was tasked with her password.

Please be easy.

He clicked on the “forgot password" link. A helpful little reminder was there: Flower!number. It seemed daunting immediately. Especially because he was so distraught and worried. There were so many flowers she could have put. He tried Sunflower!14. Snowdrop!14. Peonies!14. How many times could he try? He was terrified it would lock him out. He took a deep breath and he only had moments to figure it out because he was certain people would be hurrying to her apartment from DSS soon.

Tilting his head back at the ceiling he almost felt embarrassed at how easy it seemed now.

Wildflower!14 did the trick.

With a sigh of relief, he searched AirTag on her computer. He opened the application.

She had no less than 50 AirTags. Forty-nine of which were in her apartment with Harry. All labeled with various names for her shoes.

Good girl. He thought. It was in her shoe. When would she be without shoes?

The only shoes that weren’t in her apartment were in a warehouse across the city. He scribbled the address on another index card and shoved it in his pocket alongside her perfect note telling him she loved him.

Harry could hear a commotion starting in the lobby. Sirens were ringing outside. They were coming up the stairs. He closed her laptop, slid it back into her backpack and hurried to her bedroom hoping everything look untouched. He quietly closed the window behind him as they entered her apartment. He descended the fire escape before they made it to her room.

If she could see him breaking protocol, he imagined she would laugh.

*

Harry parked a block away from the address. As soon as he entered the building, he hurried up two flights of stairs to where he heard talking. “It was a risk I had to take!” It was a man’s voice. Harry felt sick. “It was suspicious!” He shouted. “She said she would get more money. How was I supposed to know that?!”

“Get up,” he snapped.

She yelped and Harry thought he might die before he made it to her if he heard her getting hurt even slightly. If he pulled her hair or caused her to stub her toe, Harry would genuinely contemplate murdering him.

Harry pulled the gun from the holster around his ankle. He pointed it down toward the ground and waited by the entrance to the floor and peered so very briefly around the corner of the wall. He caught a glimpse of her beautiful being walking on her own. A gun pressed to her back. Harry swallowed the bile rising in his throat.

If something happened to her, Harry would never forgive himself.

"Listen," she said almost gently. Like she was going to reason with someone with a gun. She was going to get herself murdered and Harry couldn't stop her right now. "I know...I know you want money. I get that, honestly I do. Who doesn't, right?"

God Harry envied her serenity in a moment like this.

He wasn't actively putting bullets in her so she continued. "You're a smart guy. They wouldn't have picked you to do this if you weren't, but you...you have to realize you're their fall guy. This is a national security matter. The first sign of trouble they're going to say you kidnapped me, you hurt me. They will come out clean because they have to," she explained so rationally it would have been obvious to anyone with a pulse. "You don't have to take me there," she finally whimpered the true emotion she was feeling. Harry winced as if her pain was in his own body--he certainly felt like it was. "I can just go...I have a plan. I...or we can fake my death. It doesn't have to be this way," she promised. Like they were going to be a team.

But Harry knew what it was: all her rambling. It was a distraction, it was stalling.

Because she had no way of knowing if Harry made it in time to save her--but the one thing she did know? If she was brought to the park...it was all over.

Harry took a deep silent breath trying very hard to keep as calm as possible because he could not afford one second of hesitation or any kind of slip up. He turned the corner aiming his weapon toward the man holding her at gunpoint. “Harry!” She gasped and made three bold steps toward him; hands still bound up in front of her. The man behind her fired off a round right toward the concrete wall just feet away. Harry didn’t waver, holding his own gun steady in front of him as she yelped again, pausing her steps. It was long enough that he snagged her back before she got any closer to Harry.

The person behind her had his arm around the front of her shoulders. He pressed the cold metal to her temple. She wanted to scream or cry or something. Her hands clutched to the man’s forearm trying desperately to wriggle free. He was using her as a shield—the coward. Harry wanted to scream too. He held his gun aimed directly at his head from several meters away. But it was way too close of a shot for him to even think about taking it. Not with her right there. Not with a weapon held to her beautiful, perfect face.

It felt like all those times he watched guys lean too close to her at the bar amplified by ten thousand. It felt like the realization that stupid prick slipped something in her drink multiplied by a million. His lips were near her ear. Harry was so grateful she was alive and awake.

And maybe, most importantly to Harry, she looked pissed.

“He’s going to kill you,” she hissed at him, tears in her eyes. Bless her angry little heart.

That’s my girl. Harry thought. Harry was going to kill him. Especially if he harmed her in any capacity. He pressed the gun harder against her skin and she winced. Harry faltered for half a second.

“Are you okay?” He asked, sounding so much braver than he felt. He was a mess internally. It was a wonder his hands didn’t shake holding his weapon. He wanted to surrender himself—him for her, he would have taken her spot in a heartbeat. He would do anything to get her out of here.

“Right as rain,” the man said. Harry wondered if he should just take his shot right now. Damn it all because he wanted to kill him for thinking this was funny.

She nodded, just barely. Harry felt the most minor amount of relief.

She could try to run for him again. She was certain she could make it—she almost did. Harry would stop him before he even realized she managed to get away from him. A kick to the shin—or worse. The only thing that stopped her was the metal against her head. She was terrified that one wrong movement would set off a reflexive action that would take her life. Harry inched closer. Six measly feet away from her. She could nearly smell his fresh cologne probably applied habitually before he headed to work.

But six feet may as well have been six thousand miles.

“I can kill her, now,” he said. “Makes no difference to me. I get paid either way,” she inhaled sharply. She thought there would be a bruise from the circular barrel pressing to her skull.

She swallowed, staring at Harry. Perfect, wonderful Harry. If this was the last time her eyes were opened, at least he would be the last thing she saw. Harry had to focus on staying as calm as humanly possible. Even though the thrum of his pulse was like thunder in every inch of his body. She looked unharmed and said she was okay...other than her wrists tied together. “If you kill me, you’ll never get to my dad,” she reminded him. Harry was surprised to hear her talk about her dad. There had to be something more. But he didn’t have time to think about it. He had to get her out of here.

He eyed Harry as he inched even closer. “Keep moving, I’ll kill her,” he promised with a shrug. Harry stopped in his tracks, and she tried to pull her head from the gun. She was so brave, not even the tears in her eyes were stopping her from trying to get away.

Harry was going to give her anything she wanted. A thousand coffees, a million movies, a new set of pens and a fresh batch of index cards, or a hundred fake bouquets to decorate her place. Whatever she wanted.

“Harry,” she whispered breathlessly. He wanted to cry at the sound of worry in her voice.

“I know, love,” he murmured, trying to feign this wasn’t killing him.

“I’m sorry,” she croaked.

He wanted to wince, but he couldn’t blink. It felt like if he dropped his gaze for even a second it would be over. He would lose. He could not lose her. He didn’t respond to her. “Shut up,” the man snapped. She dropped her hands from his arm and Harry wondered how he didn’t drop his gun at the sight. It looked like she was giving up. It felt like they had to give up. What were they supposed to do? It was so quiet; even the cars outside the building seemed to be silent.

Harry and the unknown man stared at each other unmoving from their positions. It was almost like he was watching her in his peripheral vision he saw her fingers fidgeting just like they had in the video. A repetitive movement. Except this wasn’t quite sign language.

This was her thumb and index finger forming the shape of a gun and then her thumb pointing back toward herself shifting ever so slightly so her movement wouldn’t alert the man holding her hostage. Harry shook his head imperceptibly.

“Please,” she begged.

“I said, ‘shut up’,” he gripped her tighter, shaking her and Harry allowed himself to wince. He shook his head more obviously.

“Harry,” she whimpered.

“I’m going to put a bullet right in your mouth, shut. Up,” he pulled on the safety which clicked so loudly in her ear she thought it was the trigger on its own.

She released a horrific, terrified sob. “Harry, please,” she croaked.

Harry thought his heart was going to break. He nearly closed his eyes as he pulled his trigger right when she sobbed.

The sound of her cry marginally covered the ear-piercing ring of the weapon. She tore herself from the man’s grip impulsively. It was primal, the need to tend to her new wound. The sound and sight of Harry shooting at her had clearly done exactly as she wanted: completely distracted him. Trying to grab at the burning pain in her thigh with her wrists held together. She screamed so violently, so loud, Harry swore it was louder than the sound of the bullet.

As she dropped to the ground; Harry had a clear shot of the man and took it. It pierced directly through his forearm, so he dropped the gun. Harry placed another precise shot to the opposite shoulder rendering both his arms useless.

She was writhing in agony but somehow managed to reach for his weapon with her tied arms, and awkwardly shoved it out of his reach. Harry thought she was his hero. He was going to give her anything she wanted for as long as she lived.

Blood was pooling from both parties and Harry grabbed the man by his injured arm, nearly digging his thumb into the wound to make it worse. He groaned and yelled. He sounded worse than she did. He tried not to think about his beautiful angel bleeding with a wound he caused. All of the wounds he inflicted were well out of harm's way. They would repair eventually.

But Harry didn't need to be shot with a bullet to know it hurt. There was a reason people used the expression I need it like I need a hole in the head when they talked about something they definitely didn't want.

Harry thought honestly about snapping his neck. Instead, he shoved him behind the pole facing away from them, blood dripping in his path and wrapped his arms around the pole, handcuffed them together so he couldn’t escape with a set of zip ties he brought with himself--because Harry was not taking any risks when he found her. He had to be dealt with quickly, but he wasn’t important in the grand scheme of things.

With the few seconds it took Harry to rid himself of the nuisance now stuck behind the pole, moaning in agony until he could get DSS and the cops, (and everyone under the sun) here. It took a moment for Harry to realize he hadn’t heard her screams of pain as he did. She was lying on the ground, eyes closed, face paling, blood pooling around her lower half.

Oh fuck.

“Love?” He whispered brokenly. Harry dropped to his knees beside her. She was bleeding so much. Too much. The training he had from his EMT days was kicking in reflexively thank God. His movements were quick: yanking his belt off, violently pulling himself out of his coat and ripping the bottom part of his shirt off. Her jeans were soaked with her blood, seeping its way up her sweatshirt. He yanked her wrists free of the zip ties finally. I have to get her a new sweatshirt he thought uselessly.

Harry wasn’t nauseous about blood. But the thought of her dying because of blood loss made him feel so sick. Why did he listen to her? Why would he shoot her? Why, why, why!?

He was trying to do too many things at once. His right hand was holding pressure with the piece of his shirt against her wound. He pressed so hard; an insane amount of pressure—he thought he might break her already fragile leg, but it would be worth it if she would wake up. He nicked something. Something bad. Or she had a clotting problem. Something was amiss. This...this was one of the safest places he could have aimed. It had one of the highest recovery rates. All he had to do was follow her stupid fucking plan.

But it wasn't stupid. It was exactly what she wanted. It was what she expected. Harry just had no idea she had prepared for that.

If she could talk Harry down she would have. It wasn't his fault. He followed her plan even though she never explicitly told him. Even though he had no idea she didn't know her own anatomy all that well and accidentally lined up one of the arteries (but fortunately did miss her femoral artery--just barely).

His left hand dialed 911. He didn’t let the operator talk, he was spewing out the address, who he was, what the issue was, barely getting the details out in a messy rush. Harry barely waited a moment before he hung up and called Niall. He didn’t listen to anything he had to say at the other end of the line and repeated the same summary again, this time losing it the longer he talked, his voice coming out in a strangled cry and if it was anyone but Niall he would worry more about professionalism.

“Baby,” he croaked leaving the phone on, shaking her by the shoulder, he lifted her head out of the puddle of blood, her face and hair sticky with the substance. He slipped his jacket beneath her head, a cushion something to get her off the cold, bloody floor. “You gotta let me see those beautiful eyes...” he shook her head. “Love, please,” he begged giving her a squeeze. She moaned and her eyes fluttered behind the lids a bit. The slight relief he felt seemed like hope. “That’s good. Hey, hi, angel,” he cooed. Her eyes turned to little slits as she opened them so very barely. “Good job,” he praised. “Y’jus' gotta stay awake for like 10 more minutes, sweetheart. Okay? Ambulance is coming,” he promised. He continued working on her leg. He was wrapping his belt around her thigh, high around the top. He pulled it into a tight knot. She moaned at the feeling.

“Stop,” she whimpered reaching with her freed hand uselessly for his ministrations.

“I know, love, m’sorry,” he felt his voice dying in his throat. This was bad. So horrifically, bad. “Y’got a bit of a gash here, Miss Wildflower, jus’ like when y’were cooking,” he reminded her. “Remember?”

She didn’t respond and Harry found a piece of metal, like something from the construction that was left lying around, to slip in the knot he made. He twisted it causing an involuntary scream to rip from her throat. He winced at the sound of her agony.

“Harry please,” she begged, eyes dripping with tears. Her hands reached again for him to stop. “It hurts!”

“I know, m'love. M’sorry. Jus’ gotta...” he kept twisting and holding pressure on the wound. Her hands reached for it again, he grabbed both, she was too weak to do anything anyway, but he held them both against her side. “There,” he felt a pinch more relief seeing the gushing had stopped.

“S’cold,” she whispered after a moment of stillness. The burning seemed to stop. It was overshadowed by how cold she was.

Harry thought he might die if she died right in front of him. His heart was racing, the adrenaline was violently coursing through him. “I know beautiful, I know. Goddammit,” he hissed. “Niall, I need back up. Now!”

He pressed harder on her wound and looked at the pool of blood surrounding her. It was too much, too dark. “Ow, Harry! Please, stop! It hurts!” She whimpered.

“I know, honey, I know. I’m so sorry m’angel. I’m so sorry.” He could hear the sirens. “Jus’ another minute.”

She groaned for a few seconds before silence took over again. Harry pressed on her wound again. He was covered in her blood as well. She moaned again at the fiery pain. “M’sleepy,” she managed.

“I know, beautiful. I know; but y’can’t sleep yet. Not yet. I’ll let you sleep soon, I promise.”

More silence. “S’really cold.”

Harry wanted to cry. He sniffled and realized he already was. “I know, sweetheart. I know.”

“M’sorry I ran away,” she mumbled. He didn’t say anything because he didn’t want her to know how mad he was even though she seemed close to dying. “I had...had to...get you away...they’d kill you. And then... I’d have no one…at least this way...” she trailed off.

“Kitten,” he said firmly, he swallowed back the tears. Squeezed her hands. “You are going t’get in an ambulance in thirty seconds and you are going t’live a long, beautiful life. Please jus’ stay awake for jus’ a few more minutes.”

Harry swore she smiled faintly. “...With you?”

“God, if s’what y’want. I'll stay forever, love. Jus’ stay awake, please,” he begged. She didn't respond and Harry began to panic. Where was the fucking ambulance? “Angel, Tell me the functional groups.”

“Hmm?”

“Please, love. Tell them t’me again.”

“Ketone. Carbonyl. Acyl…” she sighed.

“Describe aldehyde,” he croaked. “Niall! Where is it?! Please, baby,” she could feel his hand on her face, but she realized she couldn’t see him anymore. “Kitten, honey, please open your eyes.”

Was he crying?

She wanted to say she loved him out loud. Wanted to say she was sorry for everything one more time but unfortunately her tongue was suddenly too heavy to speak. She swore she heard Harry crying, shouting, and whispering he loved her right in her ear as she drifted off to sleep.

--

general taglist: @justlemmeadoreyou @daydreamingofmatilda @sunshinemoonsposts @youdontcaredoyou @tiredinwinter @loving-hazz @likeapplejuicenpeach @straightontilmornin @freedomfireflies @littlenatilda @kathb59 @babegoals @angel-upon @lilfreakjez @mleestiles @ameliaalvarez06 @canyonmoondreams @summertime-pills @daphnesutton @l4rrysh0use @perfectywrong @foreverxholland

Protection taglist: @youcouldstartacult @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @luxiorchive @ameerakane20 @be-with-me-so-happily @cherryshouse @foreverxholland @tenaciousperfectionunknown @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @cherrystyle @kaiohnsa

I'm sorry if I missed anyone in the taglist. Please let me know if you'd like to join, if it didn't work, if you no longer want to be included, etc. :)

If you like this, check out my masterlist for more of my writing.

[itgirlmind]

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 𝒾𝓉 𝑔𝒾𝓇𝓁 𝓂𝑒𝒹𝒾𝒶 　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Oh, the Internet. A myriad of a million hyperlinks, videos, and social media platforms barraging us with contradicting advice from every single angle...and here I am to throw some more in your lap! Below are a handful of online blogs, Youtube channels, and Spotify podcasts that I myself love and live by. Truthfully, I did plan on adding a list of self help novels that transformed me into moi but....there's just far too many. Perhaps another time, my darlings! I sincerely hope that the media I've included here resonate with you and allow you to step into your highest self. Enjoy!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ blogs

La Vie En Rose Diaries by Blair Natalia

Blogpost of Choice: Why I’m Treating Myself like the Princess I Deserve to Be ♡

The It-Girl Diaries by Lydia

Blogpost of Choice: Becoming Your Own Version Of 'That Girl'

The Skinny Confidential by Lauryn Bosstick

Blogpost of Choice: How to Remove Toxicity From Your Mind And Body

Aria Kaiser by Aria Kaiser

Blogpost of Choice: Lets Talk Food

The It Girl Guide (TIGG) by Sky Haarsma

Blogpost of Choice: Our It-Girl Essentials

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ podcasts

Early Call Her Daddy episodes

Sofia With An F by Sofia Franklyn

Busy, Yet Pretty by Jadyn Hailey

The Wellness Cafe by Trinity Tondeleir

The Skinny Confidential by The Skinny Confidential

The Balanced Blonde by Jordan Younger

The Blonde Files by Arielle Lorre

Already Friends by Allison Wetig and Ceara Kirkpatrick

Middle Ground by Jo Johnson and Caroline Stelte

Crying In Public by Sydni and Sarah

The School of Greatness by Lewis Howes

The Tony Robbins Podcast by Tony Robbins

Trying Not To Care by Ashley Corbo

For You From Eve by Olivia Eve Shabo

Unf*ck Your Brain by Kara Loewentheil

The Psychology Of Your 20's by Jenna Sbeg

Habits Of A Goddess (Affirmations)

The goop Podcast by Goop Inc.

Almost 30 by Krista Williams and Lindsey Simcik

Guide Me Glow by Shannon Tang

Girls with Goals by AnnCatherine and Caroline

Hot Girl Energy by Kaylie Stewart

The Bossbabe Podcast by Natalie Ellis and Danielle Canty

Girlboss Radio by Puno

Gals On The Go by Danielle Carolan and Brooke Miccio

Girls That Invest by Sim and Sonya

Her First $100K by Tori Dunlap

Victoria's Thoughts by Victoria de Vall

Breaking Beauty by Jill and Carlene

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ youtube channels

Alay Bowker x Give Me Glow ; vlogs, guides, and inspo

Alyse Parker; wellness, lifestyle, and spirituality

Claudia Sulewski; vlogs, style inspo, lifestyle

dear peachie; beauty, makeup tutorials, makeup trends

Elena Taber; vlogs, lifestyle, and travel

Emma MacDonald; vlogs, hauls, and modeling

Eva Meloche; vlogs, lifestyle, organization inspo

Maddie Lymburner; meals, workouts, lifestyle inspo

MadFit; every type of workout for every type of fitness journey

Makayla Merie; vlogs, workout attire, lifestyle inspo

Meghan Livingstone; holistic nutrition, gut health, meal inspo

Romee Strijd; VS angel turned vlogger

The Skinny Confidential; recipes, girl talk, and wellness

Thewizardliz; the queen of having an "it girl mindset"

Yoga With Adriene; yoga for everybody!

Much love, Auden♡

[dreamiehan]

the body keeps the score.

We have learned that trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body. This imprint has ongoing consequences for how the human organism manages to survive in the present. Trauma results in a fundamental reorganization of the way mind and brain manage perceptions. It changes not only how we think and what we think about, but also our very capacity to think.

- Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk, author of “the Body Keeps the Score”.

(^ω^)ノminnie writes: this fic series is truly my pride and has been nothing more than a mere idea for a very long time but as i prepare to release the first installment soon, i figure now would be the best time to share the series masterlist with you all. please note: all of these stories are based on very real life events that have happened to me personally and are in no way meant to holistically represent the unique presentation of how trauma manifests within the individual. with that, i do advise you to be aware of your own triggers in regards to consuming this series as it will delve in a variety of triggering topics related to trauma and mental health recovery. please take care of yourself.

— ʚĭɞ genre: angst, comfort, slow burn, varying relationships, potential suggestiveness; ex. smut

— ʚĭɞ pairings: various skz x reader

— viewer discretion: grief, loss, anxiety, depression, death, post traumatic stress disorder, self harm, suicidal ideation, panic attacks, disassociation, repression, depersonalization, cognitive dissonance, eating disorders, drug usage, emotional abuse, acts of violence, etc., (possibly more.)

asks open for tag list.

table of contents

I. alexthymia | bang chan. — dec. 2023

II. portrait of a blank slate | lee know. — coming soon

III. hikikomori | han jisung. — coming soon

IV. the art of repression | kim seungmin. — coming soon.

MORE… TBD

your lungs tighten up.. persist.

your heart beats out of your chest.. persist.

your fingers won’t stop trembling.. persist.

you steady.. and gather all of your courge.. and learn to OVERCOME.

[disabledunitypunk]

Screenshot below:

[Image ID: A tumblr post with the username cut off which reads "i mean this in the gentlest way possible: you need to eat vegetables. you need to become comfortable with doing so. i do not care if you are a picky eater because of autism (hi, i used to be this person!), you need to find at least some vegetables you can eat. find a different way to prepare them. chances are you would like a vegetable you hate if you prepared it in a stew or roasted it with seasoning or included it as an ingredient in a recipe. just. please start eating better. potatoes and corn are not sufficient vegetables for a healthy diet." /end ID]

No. Just no.

You don't HAVE TO do anything. ARFID is called an EATING DISORDER for a reason. What's it going to take to get it through your heads that some people cannot, under ANY circumstances, eat certain foods because of their neuroDISABILITIES. It's almost like disabilities of the brain can still make you NOT ABLE to do things!

You also have no moral obligation to be healthy. Healthism is one of the fundamental pillars of ableism. Health is a personal choice that must be fully, enthusiastically consensual (which does not mean you can mumble-grumble about the steps it takes to get there or have complex feelings that include resentment about the process or what caused the unhealthiness in the first place).

The "hi, I used to be this person!" is, get this, ALSO ABLEISM. Like good job, you had the ability to do something with effort that some people with your same disability can never do! Something that, might I add, you had no obligation to do but chose to because YOU either wanted it or were unfairly pressured to. Plus, the narrative of "you can overcome your disabilities if you try hard enough" is incredibly insidious even in disabled communities (in my experience, especially so in neurodivergent communities, but I'll also add my experiences aren't universal).

Just, everything about this post reeks of ableism. A "hey, if you're wanting to eat more veggies but can't because of sensory issues, these ways of preparing them might make them edible for you!" would have reached MORE people and accomplished more than... all of that.

I'd also like to add: healthism is how you get involuntary psychiatric holds for even people who are self-harming or using substances as a form of harm reduction. Healthism is how you get psychiatric and medical abuse that forces or manipulates you onto meds you do consent to being on (including coerced consent, as that is not consent).

Healthism and ableism both is why insurances and doctors require you to go to physical therapy to "get better" before even considering prescribing a mobility aid because "what if the mobility aid has health consequences when PT could 'fix' you?" Healthism is responsible for "do no harm" stopping at bodily harm and not taking a holistic, whole-person approach to making sure disabled people have a good quality of life.

Healthism is also a primary driver of fatphobia and to a lesser extent, medical intersexism. There is a normative idea of what "health" even is, one that is often incorrect and based in bigotry, that means deviations from that norm get blamed for any symptoms a person expresses while actual causes are ignored. "Corrective" measures are forced are many people who neither want nor need them to be healthy.

Healthism aims to make people more abled (or at least more able to conform to abled standards) without regard for their quality of life, personal wishes, or even consent. It is directly responsible for medical abuse.

It is also responsible for medical neglect, in that if you *can't* pursue a treatment option, doctors will often refuse to explore other treatments. Instead, they assume you're simply lazy and don't want to get better, and are therefore a waste of their time.

("Can't" here includes 'is technically possible but the consequences of doing so make you as sick or sicker/in as much or more pain/as or more disabled than not doing anything at all.)

Often there's another treatment option that would work just fine. Sometimes there's no viable option, and GOOD treatment then becomes exploring how to still live as fulfilling a life as possible with the condition untreated. Sometimes it's only possible to manage a disability that is usually fully possible to send into remission. There's a wide spectrum of experiences here.

But the most important thing is: what do YOU want for your body? Will conforming to standards of "health" help you feel happier and live a more preferable life for you? Will the requirements in the process of becoming "healthy" end up just making you sicker or more disabled in one way or another?

Also, are there access barriers or direct obstacles caused by your disability in the way of seeking the health outcomes you want? Are those outcomes not possible because of your disabilities, and if so, is healthy OR helpful to keep pushing yourself past your limits or trying and failing to do so? Have you made sure this is what YOU want, and not what you feel pressured into doing*?

*(Reminder to BELIEVE PEOPLE if they say it is what they want. We respect autonomy above all here.)

I've talked about this before, but recovery is about what YOU want and are able to do. There are no milestones you have to make or requirements you have to meet. It's okay to be unhealthy. Often, disability means you don't have a choice in the matter, and moralizing health is therefore moralizing disability.

It contributes to the myth that disability and chronic illness especially is a result of "bad choices", and especially the culturally christian idea that it is a "punishment" for "sinful behaviors" and "righteous behaviors" will be rewarded with the person becoming abled again.

As I said above, remember: Autonomy above all. What matters, first, foremost, and forever, is what each disabled individual wants. Helping other disabled people with tools to reach their desired bodily and psychiatric outcomes? Yes!! Do that!!

Disabled people don't owe anyone health, though, and certainly not standards of health that may make us sicker or more disabled than simply not conforming to them.

[enchanted-moura]

What to channel the energies for?

Courtesan

Improved creative abilities, embodying luxury, divine taste in all things extravagant and decadent, invitations, amazing and generous suitors and lovers, great personal style, deeper love of fashion, established personal branding, advanced communication skills, deep seduction tactics

Socialite/IT girl

Invitations, becoming more outgoing, deluxe pampering and wellness, embodying fantasy, worshipped beauty and allure, access into exclusive environments, communication power, improved popularity

Priestess

Spiritual power, most luxurious pampering, connection to goddess power, deep ancient beauty and lifestyle secrets, understanding perfumes, herbs, roots, oils and incense, intense seductive power & dominance, Nefertiti level allure

Money Goddess/Luxury Lady

Breaking guilt over loving splendor and extravagance, desiring more in life, breaking lack mentality, enjoying shopping sprees, associating self with beauty & splendor, enjoying spoiling, rejuvenation and pampering daily, living a luxurious lifestyle

Dolled Up Beauty & Beauty Therapist

Improved makeup techniques, access to luxurious beauty treatments, enjoying wellness, self-care, being lavished and adored, refined knowledge on all things holistic, improved love life, becoming softer, gentle seduction because know all things related to the soothing of body & mind 

Boutique Owner/CEO

Breaking glass ceilings, endless flow of money, improved access in desired field, delectable cash flow, creative ideas, wealth building ideas, investing development, being a walking brand,   enjoying crème de la crème beauty treatments and massages

Scholar Barbie/ Student/ Princess Academia

Being both fabulously beautiful and brilliant, loving knowledge, developing curiosity, creative power, attaining hard to access work opportunities, elite portfolio building, uber feminine power dressing, nutrition for brain power, book divination, maintaining prestigious beauty and self-care rituals, pampering and wellness appointments

Domestic Goddess

Being the irresistibly gorgeous Kitchen Goddess, desiring a more traditional lifestyle, improved baking, cooking and drinks recipes, being a fine dining lover, extensive knowledge on aphrodisiacs for love, money & wellness, being a sensualist, cottagecore,  sensuality, eroticism

[azura-tsukikage]

Witchcraft can be a powerful tool for self-exploration and personal empowerment, but it's essential to remember that it's not a substitute for professional mental health care. The practice of witchcraft, like any spiritual or religious practice, can influence and be influenced by an individual's mental health. Here's how to navigate this delicate balance:

Mindfulness and Self-Reflection: Witchcraft often encourages self-reflection and mindfulness, which can help individuals become more aware of their thoughts and emotions. However, it's vital to recognize when these introspective practices reveal underlying mental health issues. If you find that your magical practice consistently exacerbates feelings of anxiety, depression, or any other mental health concern, consider consulting a mental health professional.

Differentiating Between Experiences: It's common for witches to have spiritual or mystical experiences, such as visions, vivid dreams, or intuitive insights. Our brain often can tap into these things much easier once we are given the perception of any spiritual practice because the brain is becoming rewired to imagine/envision them. While these experiences can feel profound and transformative, it's important to differentiate them from potential signs of mental health issues. Consult with a mental health expert if you experience severe disturbances in your thinking, emotions, or perception; such as hearing voices, hallucinating, forming strange delusions, behaviors and/or obsessions or truly forming a belief that any deities or creatures are truly interacting with you (outside of a meditative, imaginative or altered state experience).

Seeking Professional Help: The practice of witchcraft should never be used as a replacement for mental health treatment. If you suspect that you may be struggling with a mental health issue, seek the guidance of a qualified mental health professional. They can provide the necessary assessment, diagnosis, and therapy to address your concerns; and those are things that they are capable of. No spell or ritual will truly ever replace or reveal to you an absolute, elaborate diagnosis or treatment plan.

Caring for Your Whole Self: Witchcraft can complement a holistic approach to mental health. Engaging in practices that promote relaxation, emotional well-being, and self-care can enhance your overall mental health. Meditative rituals, grounding exercises, and crystal work can help you manage stress and anxiety. However, also address the root causes of your distress and/or symptoms. Please try to uncover the truth of the cause of any stress, worries or behavioral problems. The key to true healing and recovery to focus on treating the cause rather than putting a bandage on the symptoms.

Community and Support: Building a supportive community of fellow witches can be beneficial. Sharing experiences and seeking advice from others who understand your path can offer emotional support. However, be cautious about seeking spiritual advice for mental health concerns. While some witches may have knowledge of holistic wellness practices, they're not a substitute for professional care. If something is psychological, it should be treated psychological.

In conclusion, it's essential for baby witches and seasoned practitioners alike to recognize the intricate connection between mental health and witchcraft. While witchcraft can be a valuable tool for personal growth, it should be used in conjunction with, not in place of, professional mental health care. Your well-being is a priority, and seeking help when needed is a sign of strength, not weakness.

[a-dinosaur-a-day]

Oh, my bad! I'm new to your blog and your posts don't come up on my dash much, I didn't realize you didn't talk abt mammals too 😅

I try to stick to what I know so I make fewer mistakes. When you're in science you tend to have a lot of information in your brain, and you don't always update the things you learned that don't pertain to your research.

So, my expertise that I'm confident on falls into the realm of - paleoecology in general - phylogenetics in general - dinosauria/avemetatarsalia as a group - birds specifically - paleogene birds specifically - the paleogene, specifically because I study birds during the paleogene period in their ecological context while my knowledge on the history of life in general and biology is pretty good because I'm a holistic sort of person, I try to be careful with what I answer and how. Being an educational blog, seen as an authority, is a responsibility - a huge one. Misinformation on the internet right now is an epidemic. I don't want to contribute to it more than necessary. I'm human, so I'll fuck up frequently, but the more I do to limit that, the better.

[anerdyfeminist]

I really really really wish I could just export all of my (hard earned) knowledge about abuse, healing, working on mental health, and healthy relationships to my brother.

He's so different than our parents and is definitely seeking to end generational trauma and abuse as best he can w/ his kids. But he's also all "my anxiety is killing me what do I do? But no medication thanks." He over works and get too little sleep. He is too afraid (my interpretation) to jump into something like talk therapy and probably has some weak male thinking shit going on. He has internalized some kind of huge stigma about how he could be able to be "mind over matter" about social anxiety, panic attacks in crowded places, and stuff and it somehow simply cannot hear me about the things that I know to be true.

Of course, I care about him, but I care much more so about my niblings that he and his wife are raising who are going to inherent some of this same brain stuff (nature has an impact no matter your nurture experience, of course.) They are having the basics of the brain actively formed. We were raised in an environment that saw health as exclusively your body size, diet, and weight. A holistic view of health was pretty much NEVER discussed or a factor and I'm so afraid that terrible framework will remain for my niblings. Like, there's only so much I can do to impact what they hear/think about when I'm usually 1,100 miles away and only in person w/ them 4-6 weeks a year.

[calzone-d]

ted comforting reader headcanons 😛 (hurt,sick, sad) for my friend @my-soupy-brain <3 requests are open!!

when you’re hurt:

is so gentle with you, gentle hands, gentle voice, gentle everything

if you come home from the doctors/hospital and have ANY type of discharge orders?? he’s making sure you follow them no matter what. even if you feel better, or if you think it’s silly.

does whatever he can to make sure you’re not in pain. medication when you can have it, a little massage, a heating pad, an ice pack, a hot bath.

his heart breaks if you cry at all, but when you’re in pain? and he can’t do anything about it?? oh boy. he’s almost crying with you

smoothes his hand over your hair and gives you little temple kisses

“m’so sorry, darlin’. if I could take the pain away, you know I would in a heartbeat.”

would absolutely take off work to make sure you were okay, and to help you around the house or whatever

is definitely a joke-teller to try and make you smile. esp if it’s an established relationship, and he knows you won’t push him away over his optimism *cough*

just overall very hell-bent on you getting better

when you’re sick:

very similar to when you’re hurt, just wants you to get better

definitely coddles you if you let him

doesn’t care about getting sick himself

does whatever he can to keep your stress to a minimum so that you can get better

very much a “you stay in bed i’ll do everything for you” kind of guy

even though it sucks he’ll hold you in a tepid shower to bring your fever down

practically forces water and gatorade down your throat

“Ted you’re gonna get sick”

“Darlin’ it’s my job to take care of you, good luck gettin’ rid of me.”

“Seriously Ted-“

“Shhh just go to sleep sweetheart.”

when you’re sad:

okay i feel like this is where it gets dicey

ONLY because if you’re the type to ask for space or become distant when you’re sad, I think it would kinda kickstart his anxiety a bit

he’d totally need reassurance that you’re not feeling any type of way even remotely close to how michelle felt

“I-I get feelin’ down and needin’ space. I get all that. But can you just- just promise me you’re not wanting to leave? Or feeling any different?”

his eyes are wide and scared, brows furrowed

“pinky promise, Ted. just need a few hours by myself.”

is very insistent that if you change your mind about your alone time to find him and let him know

i feel like he understands depression though, so after you give him that reassurance he’s good as gold. he has no reason to think you’re lying.

gets you flowers or your favorite little things just to see a little tiny hint of a smile on your face

definitely distracts the kids and takes care of anything and everything if you just need some time in your room by yourself

if you want him to hold you and be close, he’d always offer to listen to your feelings or just sit in silence if that’s what you need

“whatever you need, sweetheart. you just tell me.”

always, always, always listens. doesn’t half ass it.

because of things with his dad, is always subconsciously telling you how much you mean to him and how much he loves you

“just, if it gets too much you tell me okay? please come to me.”

“Ted, I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

very supportive of you seeing a therapist, being on medications

or if you prefer the holistic route, he’s very into that as well.

breaks this man’s heart to see you sad

[quotesfrommyreading]

The COVID was the easiest part. I was practically asymptomatic. I walked the dog, drove four hours in the car, hiked the beach, canoed. This was in late June. The doctors in my life should have understood that this spooky absence of symptoms was an ominous sign—my immune-compromised self wasn’t putting up a fight when it should have. Instead, they all brushed off my concerns when I rang. To a person, they steered me away from Paxlovid.

Remember that crazy national moment when doctors were being weird about Paxlovid? And were really down on it? I got COVID in that brief window.

I cannot tell you how often I go back to that moment and take Paxlovid. It’s the world’s most unproductive form of magical thinking, trying to undetonate this bomb. And yet I do.

Anyway, around day 10, things went south. I was suddenly dizzy every moment of the day. The world looked like The Blair Witch Project, always bouncing. It bounced when I chewed. Then came the tinnitus, the ear fullness. Ménière’s disease seemed likely.

Google Ménière’s disease. It’s very challenging. I have nothing but compassion for those who have it.

Many elaborate tests later, I turned out not to have it.

The nature of my dizziness changed, feeling more like a gyroscope was spinning in my head, or like I was being pulled slantwise by magnetic raindrops, every damn second. Then came the whale of all symptoms: My head started to vibrate, painfully, every time I walked or talked.

People have asked me a lot about this. I really don’t know how else to explain it. I mean, imagine a tuning fork inside your brain. Every time I take a step, I feel it in my skull. Ditto when I speak. My latest combo of meds blunts most of the pain that comes with it. But the vibrating remains, and it’s driving me mad. I’m waiting on my insurance company to approve Botox injections to my skull. (Oh, the irony of being a 53-year-old woman praying for Botox in a place where it will have no visible aesthetic benefit.)

Then my standing heart rate got too fast. (Now it’s fine.) Then my blood pressure spiked when I stood, plus other forms of autonomic dysregulation. My eyeballs spin freely in their sockets for the first 20 minutes of each morning, for instance. Then my chest started to ache. Maybe from the blood-pressure spikes, maybe something else. And I’m short of breath now when I walk, as I said.

You see the problem, right? My aching chest, my breathlessness—it all means more doctors. And I am really, really sick of doctors. Most of them know nothing, and if they can’t help you, they have little time for you. Many of them dramatically underestimate quality of life as an issue.

The shape-shifting nature of long-COVID symptoms also makes our medical system ill-suited to deal with long COVID. (Actually, it’s ill-suited for a thousand reasons. But this is one.) Telling your long-COVID story in 15 minutes, which is what most doctors have for you, is not possible. You develop shorthand. You resort to metaphors. Both are problems. One doctor asked if I thought there was an actual gyroscope in my head, for instance. “Uh, this is a vestibular problem I’m describing,” I said, “not a psychiatric one.” Asshole.

The worst part? Because no one understands what causes long COVID, even the best doctors can only treat your symptoms separately. My blood pressure gets two medications. My vibrating head gets a third. My vestibular symptoms get a fourth. My pain gets a fifth. Inflammation gets a sixth. The microclots I may or may not have, which may or may not cause long COVID, require three different supplements, which may or may not work.

This said, the long-COVID team at New York’s Mount Sinai Hospital at least thinks holistically, even if they don’t know what lurks at the heart of my problems. I feel lucky to be under their care (plus two dogged and creative immunologists at Columbia Presbyterian). I cannot imagine what it’s like for the millions of Americans who don’t have access to the minds and resources I do.

  —  What Not to Ask Me About My Long COVID

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen!! I’ve recently realized that I have an extreme fear of intimacy and am very emotionally unstable. This realization is making a lot of things about me and my life make sense, but I’m not really sure about how to move forward and get better? I want to be able to have relationships in the future but It’s something I truly can’t imagine is possible for me if I don’t try to get better. Do you have any advice for this?

p.s. I just want to say that I really appreciate you doing what you do. I can’t imagine how taxing it can be to constantly console people all the time, thank you for being someone we can turn to.

I am going to respond to the last part first. (the PS)  Thanks for letting me know my blog helps in some way to create a place where you feel like you can reach out. Don’t worry about me. I am pretty good at balancing life with online life and taking breaks when I need to rest my heart and brain. I have lots of support to talk through things and hash out my ideas and feelings. My crunchy granola hippy (said with affection) calls me an Extraverted  Empath and told me my Dad was the same way. Basically, I don’t get exhausted from consoling or supporting those in distress like others, instead I thrive on it. 

A first step in getting your mental health in balance is to recognize you might have some struggles. The second step it so get an official diagnosis or evaluation. Do not rely on google or the internet or even friends/family to tell you what the issues are that you are dealing with. Seek some professional help. IF you have insurance or live in a state where therapy is affordable please seek out a good fit. Do not be afraid to “interview” possible candidates and ask for what you want. IF you want a female who is between 40 and 60, you have the right to ask for that. If you prefer a different demographic advocate for who it is you think will best suit your needs.

If you begin therapy and it is not a good fit, any decent doctor will be happy to give you a referral to someone else. Good therapists recognize they might not be everyone’s cup of tea. Once you get a therapist she can help you get an evaluation through referrals to a larger hospital or mental health facility. It is highly possible there is no “firm” or specific diagnosis. But narrowing down your struggles can be very helpful to you and to your counselor. 

If you cannot afford therapy, inquire at a local University or non profit medical center (hospital) to see if they offer free help for those who can’t pay. Contact your state's social services and ask for help. Social workers know their way around the medical system. Most hospitals have social workers who can help with paperwork etc. It is their job.

There are, of course, some self help videos, youtube channels, books and other resources that you can research. My rule of thumb is the more simple the better and anything you can do to help gain tools to tackle one symptom at a time is good. For instance, if you are really struggling with holding a job, look into that one specific thing. If you have social anxiety and feel like it is holding you back from friendships, work on that. You might not be able to do enough self help to treat the WHOLE you but you can do little things to ease the symptoms of the greater illness. 

Check into Holistic Chiropractic care. I know, I know. Crunch Granola. But getting adjusted, having your physical body feel better can be a real thing. It can truly help you get into a better mental state when your body is better. Often, and this is a proven fact, our bodies react to our mental distress so then we end up struggling with mental AND physical discomfort.  However, Chiropractors are not for everyone. Mine has helped me greatly for almost 20 years. You can get a massage, do yoga, work on your posture or get a decent pair of shoes and go for some walks. Anything you can do to help your body recover from any mental trauma or pain is helpful in your overall attempt to feel better. 

Keep in mind. You do not have to be “fixed” or in some perfect mental state of calm and collected to be deserving of a relationship.  You must be aware of how your mental health affects others and how your actions/reactions can manifest. You can learn tools to form more appropriate responses to stress or triggers. Most mental illnesses are not really going to be “cured” but instead we must understand that others should not necessarily have to learn to work around our issues but we can learn skills so we can live in the world with greater comfort and ease. 

I hope this helps a bit. I would include links but everything is so regionally/state/country based when it comes to mental illness. If you search articles to get information check scientifically published journals over “opinion” pieces and check sources for opinion pieces for validity. If looking into government services make sure the website is .gov otherwise there are a ton of bad sites who offer to help for a “fee” but you get the same help for free at government sites.   You don’t need a middleman to obtain social or university or non profit help.