#I JUST THINK HE DESERVES COOL PIERCINGS. he's such a not edgy person i think he deserves to feel edgy and also make jon go Awooga | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jawnjendes · 5 years

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slow | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth gf

AN: its a smutty smut. i wasn’t gonna write anymore shit about the beginning of their relationship but SOMEONE just HAD to be in an underwear campaign so here we are. its not even that dirty, it’s the beginning of their sex life so yeah

masterlist | series playlist

I had to set dating rules for myself if I wasn't going to fall into old habits. For one thing, I had to have a friend check in on me via text while I was out with Shawn. Stella never failed at sending her hourly "you good?👀" messages. If it wasn't Stella, then it was someone from my video game club. Someone was always on standby if I needed it.

Another rule I had to set was that I needed to be engaging if I wanted things to go somewhere. In the past, there was little communication between both parties, so I quickly got used to keeping my mouth shut about everything. Shawn was the opposite. He talked about everything and nothing, including extremely mundane details about his classes. However, because I did in fact like him, it was easy to listen and be entranced by his words. I tried not to talk about the personal things he asked me about, like my stomach problems, or my hometown. I was getting there, though.

Then, there was the biggest rule of all: don't have sex with him right away. My therapist suggested that one because of my past relationships. If I slept with Shawn from the get go, it would have kept me from opening up to him and it would have gotten me into the habit of using sex to hide the baggage I unfortunately have. Therefore, I couldn't have sex with him until I was ready. It was a good rule. It was a good way to determine if he just wanted sex or if he actually wanted me. When I mentioned that rule to him, he was perfectly okay with waiting, and it gave me some peace of mind.

Things moved slowly but pleasantly over the last ten dates I've had with Shawn. On the eleventh date, he invited me back to his apartment after spending ten minutes in the backseat of his car in a movie theatre parking lot. I was straddling his lap, having my breath stolen by his kiss only a minute prior. I had to take it slow, that doesn't mean I wasn't allowed to make out with him!

"Going to back to your place implies that something's gonna happen," I said, my hands on his very broad shoulders.

"Oh, so what's happening now?" he asked, a smirk on his pretty face. His fingers laced together behind my lower back. "Come on." He leaned in and pressed his lips on mine again, sweet and yearning. "Stay with me tonight."

It had been less than a month since this thing started, and I was already a fucking fool for him. Technically, I wasn't supposed to get into a compromising position like this. Every part of my body was screaming for me to accept his invite, wanting to give him all of me. But the paranoid, crazy side of my brain was working hard. It was warning me of past experiences when things like this would happen. Shawn has the same pretty face and charming demeanor of every guy I've been with, which is what made him untrustworthy.

He's going to sleep with you and never call you again. He's playing you. There are no feelings here. He wants you to think he likes you.

"We're taking things slow, remember?" I reminded him as I climbed off his lap. I sat leaning against the door, folding my arms.

Shawn took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. Then he touched his swollen lips, and I couldn't not stare at that gesture. I just wanted those lips so bad. I wanted those lips on my-

"I understand," he spoke at last. "This isn't something you get into easily, right?"

I didn't want to unveil my past right away. I didn't want him to think less of me because of it. I chose my words carefully.

"Well, I told you, I have rules," I said. "It's out of respect for myself."

"Meaning?"

He said he understood! Why does he need details?! Why does he want to get in my pants so bad!?

I looked around at the walls and ceiling of the vehicle. Then I started to tap my leg. "I used to think of myself one way, and it made me throw caution to the wind. Now, I know I deserve to have rules for myself. I'm proceeding with caution. Can you understand that?" That last question had a bit of unintentional snark.

Shawn nodded, sitting up straight. "Yeah, a hundred percent."

"Or do you just want to get in my pants and get it overwith?" I asked, paranoia making her dramatic entrance before I could stop her.

"What? No!"

"If you just wanted one thing you could have told me! You don't have to lie to me!"

"What - no, wait! Stop," Shawn told me, a confused look on his face. "Stop for a second, look at me. Honey, look at me."

My eyes were daggers as they pierced into Shawn's. He had his brows furrowed, trying to read every bit of the soul I refused to hand over. In his eyes, I just lost my goddamn mind for no reason. In reality, he was implying I go to his place to fuck and then kick me to the curb.

"If I wanted just sex, I would have asked," he explained. "If I didn't want a relationship with you, I wouldn't have asked you out. I've had casual sex before, I know how that works. But with you, it's not just casual, and I don’t want it to be. And when the times comes and you're ready, it's not going to be like my previous experiences. It'll be better, because there's feelings-"

I cut him off before it could get too mushy. "Okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you." I paused. "I intend on waiting, I just didn't think it would be this hard."

"Well, whenever you're ready, I know it's gonna be amazing."

My face went hot.

I needed to spend time away from Shawn so my entire body could cool down, but I also needed to spend time with him to get things moving. Do you see my problem?

School and work kept me busy, though. I was especially glad to not have to think about past mistakes while I was at work, even though a specific one worked three feet away from me most days. When I was on campus, I had that irrational fear of running into Shawn, even though we shared exactly zero classes. I didn't want to run into him because I was worried he would give me those affectionate eyes and cute smile…. And then I would pounce on him in public.

Would that be such a bad thing?

I couldn't sleep that much either. If I did, I dreamt about pretty pink lips on my skin and hips between mine. I came to the conclusion that I probably should not have kissed Shawn on the first date. My sanity was gone now because of it. I had a little taste of him and now it was all I wanted. He really had to be handsome, charismatic, and a good kisser. He had it all.

Two more dates went by with minimal kissing and no sex talk. We spoke of more mundane things, got to know each other some more, but so help me god if either one of us let a simple hand touch linger too long. I always wanted to scratch at the skin on my hands and arms because he left a trail of fire with the tips of his fingers.

Shawn liked touching my hair a lot, as it turns out. It was a gentle way of reminding me to make eye contact. These days though, whenever he moved a strand behind my ear, I couldn't help but think of how he could hold my hair up while I-

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, his foot nudging mine under the table.

"The inevitability of death and how everything is essentially meaningless and we're just on a rock that's hurtling through space," I answered like I wasn’t thinking about dropping to my knees under the table.

"Hot."

He was joking, but we shared a certain look. There was a tiny undertone of seriousness in that one simple word. The restaurant we were at was crowded but I found myself tuning out all the sounds as I looked at Shawn's face. This would have been a lot easier if he had been a one night stand, or a full time fuck buddy.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked in return. My eyes flickered down to his blue button up, where the first three buttons were left undone. It wasn't helping the situation, and I think he knew that.

"That cute little skirt you're wearing." He quirked his eyebrows once and smiled.

Okay, I wasn't helping either, I'll admit it. I didn't intend to wear something that could be seen as teasing, but the weather was tolerable and I wanted to take advantage. That's totally the only reason why I paired a tight black long sleeve with a black skater skirt.

"I'm not cute, I'm edgy," I corrected, despite the blush rising on my cheeks.

"Yeah, the black lipstick says it all," Shawn said, reaching across the table for my hand. "Which, by the way, I haven't seen you wear since we started dating."

"If I wear black lipstick, I can't kiss you," I told him, looking at his hand tattoo. "It'll make a huge mess on our faces, and I have rules to follow. Black lipstick is how I know nothing will happen tonight."

"Nothing, eh?" Shawn narrowed his eyes like he was taking on a challenge.

"Absolutely nothing." I smiled.

My phone screen lit up from where it sat on my lap. Check in time. I let go of Shawn's hand to answer the text.

"you good?👀"

"ye bb"

"ok be careful and remember your rules."

I was lucky to have Stella.

When Shawn dropped me off at campus later that night, he kissed my hand and told me that I was not making this any easier. I should have been put off, but my brain was short circuiting and not working how it normally did. I left the car excited and extremely frustrated.

By the thirteenth date, neither of us could really take it anymore. After a movie, Shawn and I were in the backseat of his car again, sitting awfully close to one another, but keeping our hands to ourselves. The idea was to just innocently sit together and talk about nothing, because neither of us wanted the date to be over yet, and I absolutely could not go to his place. However, so much making out has happened back here that we couldn't not think about that.

Our foreheads were touching, and my hand was on his face. I had given that much, and it was almost impossible to resist closing the distance between us. Shawn's breathing was shallow, like he was forcing himself to not take me the way he wanted. His breath touched my lips so softly, I brought my thumb up to his lower lip, thinking about how bad it would be if I nibbled on it just a little.

"I can't believe you had the nerve to wear that skirt again," he murmured, then he leaned back to look at me.

"I can't believe you don't button your shirt all the way," I said back, running my hand down his neck and to his exposed chest. Touching his skin was sending electricity through my veins. I was teetering on the edge, I couldn't wait anymore.

Shawn looked down between us and placed a big hand on my thigh. He was over my skirt, but I still felt my skin get hot underneath. It was the last push I needed, and he didn't even have to move. Just a touch was all it took.

"I don't wanna go all the way," I told him. "Not yet."

"Okay." He retracted his hand. "That's fine, I'm sorry if I overstepped."

I took his hand like it was a lifeline, and I looked him in the eyes. "You're not hearing me. I don't wanna go all the way yet, but I need you."

His eyes widened with excitement, and the corner of his mouth went up. He didn't even hesitate to cup my face and bring our lips together.

There was no room for shame in the slightest; His tongue tasted mine like he would never get the chance to again. My hands shook as I reached for his shirt, undoing all the buttons as quickly as I could. A sigh left my throat when I was able to touch his delicious abs, and it made me squeeze my thighs together.

Shawn broke away from me, but I went in and started trailing kisses along his neck. Soft, wet prints went down his collarbone and back up to his jaw. But he firmly grabbed my wrists to get my attention.

"Wait."

My stomach sank, and a pout formed on my face before I could stop it. I only had a good minute of feeling him up before it was sorely interrupted.

"Let me focus on you," he said, moving a strand of hair that had stuck to my mouth. "I, I don't want you to think I'm, like, using you or anything. Let me just make you feel good. You won't have to do anything in return."

"That's not fair to you, though," I replied.

"It's okay. I'm more of a… pleaser. I want to please you. Make you feel good things."

He let go of my wrist to place his hand on my thigh again. This time, it slowly moved up, taking my skirt with it. Shawn leaned in to me again, his lips softly calling my name. But before I could give into him, I had one request.

"Just take your shirt off."

A wave of heat went over me as Shawn stared into my eyes. Without breaking the gaze, he pulled off his button up and let it drop to the floor. His arms were thick and muscular, something I never had much interest in until he came along. His pecs and his abs were sculpted just right, and it made my mouth water. I could see his Calvins peeking from the top of his jeans, and I couldn't help but notice the protruding bulge he had going on. I lost all coherent thought, squeezing my thighs together once again.

Shawn noticed this, and a cocky smirk grew on his face. Silently, he went for my thighs again and gently spread them open. "Want me to touch you, honey?"

Oh god, yes.

I could only nod before grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him in for another sloppy kiss. The only sounds were from heavy breaths, desperate sighs, and our tongues tasting one another. Shawn had one arm around my waist, the tips of his fingers touching the hem of my shirt and the skin on my back. His free hand dove right in between my legs, stroking firmly against my covered core.

"So fucking pretty," he whispered against my lips. "So fucking wet for me, eh?"

I didn't know what to say, I just let out a sharp breath as he touched me.

He gently kissed my cheek, and then he moved his hand away from where I needed him. Instead, he grabbed the hem of my panties from under my skirt, tugging on them slightly.

Almost too eagerly, I moved my hips up to help get them off. Once Shawn got a look at the lace, he chuckled like he was impressed.

"Really? A red thong?" he asked, letting the skimpy lace hang off his index finger before it dropped to the floor.

I smiled. "They were there just in case you wanted to see them."

"You little tease." Then, he took my right leg and lied it across his lap, thus exposing me to the world. Or, in this case, his car.

What can I say, I loved being a tease. I thrived off of someone chasing after me and my lust. I was supposed to wait, but it turned into a little game over the last couple of weeks. It felt a lot more intimate knowing that Shawn was always ready to lap that shit up like nobody's business. He played when it was time to play, but he had also been very respectful and patient with me.

Not to mention, he had quite the dirty mouth on him. It was a delicious contrast from his typical boyish charm and sweet nothings.

Shawn was rubbing in just the right place in no time. It was so good, so right, I was actually surprised. It was like he knew which exact place would send me. My eyes squeezed shut and my hand was on his chest in seconds, my fingers gently scratching against his skin.

"Right there?" he guessed. I could hear the smug grin in his voice.

"Mhmm," I moaned, for my lack of speech was now very compromised. My head went back against the seat and my jaw went completely slack.

"You don't even know how fucking hot you look right now," he mused, his mouth against my ear. He ceased the soft but rapid rubbing to insert his index and middle fingers into my dripping hole. "You don't even know how good you feel against my fingers. I can't wait for when you let me have my way with you, baby…"

Oh, fuck. Neither could I. As much as I wanted to hear him tell me everything he wanted to do, I knew it would leading to acting out those things. We're going slow. I was perfectly content with Shawn fingering me until I couldn't take it anymore. He was surprisingly good at it.

His soft lips pressed against my temple, and then he was nosing my hair. His fingers were relentless, making obscene noises as they pumped the night away. I really wasn't going to last.

"Oh, fuck yeah," Shawn groaned when I let out my first desperate whine. "You dirty fucking girl."

I gripped the hairs at the nape of his neck, needing something to keep me grounded. My hips twitched once, and my toes were curling the way they did before-

Another loud, pornographic moan came out of me. My body was starting to shake with how quick and smooth Shawn was going, and it was making my mind go fuzzy.

He kissed my neck feverishly, mumbling dirty, dirty words against my skin. The sweet, soft boy I had at the beginning of this date was long gone, and I thrived on the filthy sex fiend he left behind. I couldn't get enough.

My hips were moving on their own as I got closer to my finish. My eyes were still shut because if I looked at Shawn, I was sure to just pass out on the spot. I felt my thighs shake, something that had only happened on my own time. This was way too good to be true.

"I'm, I'm gonna come," I managed to speak in a broken, needy whisper. "Fuck, I'm gonna come…"

Shawn actually growled in the back of his throat. He fucked me faster with the two same digits, and my stomach tightened intensely. His lips were on my cheek as he desperately whispered, "Come on… come on, give it to me…"

"Fuck! Fuck!"

Soon enough, my breathing sped up until every part of me was shaking and spasming. My moans were borderline sobs as I burst all over his hand and onto the car seat. Shawn quickly removed his fingers to rub at me just to keep it going for that much longer. I cry out, only for the sounds to get softer and softer as I came down from what was probably a life changing orgasm.

Why was it life changing? Because that was the first time anyone has made me feel like that.

I couldn't catch my breath once Shawn took his hand away. I couldn't speak, or even open my eyes, so I just turned my body into his and curled into his lap, desperately seeking comfort and cuddles. His arms went around me with no hesitation, stroking the back of my head.

"Slow your breathing, honey," he told me, planting a kiss on top of my head. "Just slow down."

"Holy shit," I breathed out.

Holy shit. I was so done for.

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes smut #shawn x goth gf #now let me play video games in pieces you six foot hot piece of ass #skhsdkjs i meant to say peace but yknow i really do feel like im in pieces hahahaha

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livralph · 5 years

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The Mirror of Erised

The longer this goes on the more questionable it gets because I am currently staying awake on the will to write.

Harry:

We all know what Harry saw in the mirror of erised when he was eleven.

He saw his family. A large group of people who loved him.

People he’d never met but people who he wanted in his life more than anything else.

After the war it wouldn’t have been the same though.

Sure, he’d see his family. The same huddle of people who had been there years ago still stood smiling around him.

But next to his father would be Sirius and Remus.

Beside Remus would be Tonks, with her obnoxiously bright but endearing hair.

Fred would be stood with them, too.

And so would everyone who died in the Battle of Hogwarts.

Because, despite what everyone said, he would always blame himself for every bit of blood she’d at the Battle of Hogwarts.

Ron:

We know what Ron saw too

Himself

He saw himself older and with all of his brothers achievements put together.

He’d always been overshadowed, so he saw himself outshining them all

After Fred died it wouldn’t be the same. He’d see his family stood smiling around him, both twins on his left grinning wickedly.

They would look like they’d just formulated the prank to end all pranks...

Hermione:

It’s a bit different for her.

When she arrived at Hogwarts she wouldn’t see anything about her family.

Because, well, she was completely happy with her family.

An only child of two kind, loving, caring people. No siblings to compete with (although she’d always wanted a little sister)

She saw herself grown up, headgirl of Hogwarts.

She saw herself as the best witch at Hogwarts.

No chance of ever being forced to leave.

And maybe she’d have some friends...

It’s quite obvious what she’d see when she grew up.

The war had passed

Her parents didn’t know who she was

I think you can guess from that

James:

We all know young James.

A bit of a douche. You can’t deny it.

Throwing hexes at people for the fun of it

Girls (and a few boys *winks*) swooning over him

Generally a bit of a jock

But he loved his friends so much.

He cared for them so much.

They may as well be his brothers.

He’d see himself with his friends, with no superficial happiness.

Not caused by a joke made or a prank pulled.

Young James never grew up. Not really.

But when he was living with Lily, the love of his life, and Harry, the most amazing thing to ever happen to him.

Within the mirror he’d see them having a full life.

Him and Lily sending Harry to Hogwarts, seeing his O.W.L results.

Getting letters home about all of the mad things Harry had been up to

And never feeling prouder

And he’d see him and Lily.

Old and grey.

In love until death do they part

At an age that was right

Remus:

When he was young I think remus would have seen himself.

But different to how he was.

His body would be free from scars and the bags under his eyes. He would hold himself more confidently.

He would look younger. More his age than twice it at only sixteen.

He’d be who he could have been if it weren’t for the attack when he was so young.

Once he was older it would change. When he was in his thirties and already greying. It would be like what Harry saw. What Ron saw

He would see himself when he was seventeen.

His scars from when he was a werewolf still covering him. Bags still under his eyes. Posture still appalling from spending so much time trying to be unseen despite his height.

But lily would be wrapped up in James arms and Sirius has his own arm thrown over Remus as he always did when they were teenagers.

And there would be Peter. Stood to the side. Fidgeting.

Peter who Remus wished more than anything had stayed as innocent as he’d been in school.

Sirius:

Ah, now young Black.

Born into a family a he did not deserve to be born into.

He was a rebel.

He was sorted into Gryffindor and couldn’t have been any happier.

His best friends were a blood-traitors, a werewolf, and.... something lower on the hierarchy than the earthworm Peter.

Sirius tries to seem all cool and edgy, with a leather jacket, piercings and eyeliner

We all know he was that edgy

But he was just like his friends really, he wanted something wholesome and safe.

He wanted a family that loved him and accepted that people who weren’t pure blooded bigots were actually quite brilliant- I mean look at this motor bike mum! Don’t you l o v e it???

He saw his family stood around him in his Gryffindor robes and they all had bright smiles on their faces. They were so proud...

Azkaban changed Sirius.

We all know this, too.

We know that he would probably wake from nightmares in Grimmauld Place almost every night.

And most of them he’d wake up in the house alone drenched in a cold sweat and not sleep again until the next night.

Other nights Remus would burst into the room after the first shriek roused him from his own nightmares.

He’d hold Sirius until he fell asleep- sidetracking a little

Sirius would see almost exactly what Remus saw.

Except in his version Remus had no scars and no bags and had an awful posture- but not because he was trying to hide, but because his short boyfriend was always hanging from him.

In his version non of them went through any more pain that a person should.

Peter:

I refuse I just really hate that bitch

Dumbledore:

There are three stages to this one

As a young one, this egotistical arse saw himself as the strongest wizard to walk the earth.

He saw himself with the deathly hallows, using them for personal gain.

He saw himself being a legend of the wizarding world.

When he met a boy called Gellert Grindelwald this changed.

He no longer saw himself holding the power of the universe, he saw both of them managing it together.

He saw them stood next to each other with some odd tension between them which he couldn’t explain to begin with.

Until one day Grindelwald kissed him while they were planning their rule of wizard kind and it all made sense.

It’s canon I don’t care what you say

Everything went wrong very quickly for the young lovers,

Dumbledore suddenly felt as if he needed to escape

Suddenly knew that what they were planning was horrific

His life fell apart.

His family too

He didn’t see socks when Harry asked.

He saw him and Grindelwald, teenagers again, young and in love.

But not trying to destroy the world

#harry potter #ron weasley #hermione granger #james potter #remus lupin #sirius black #peter pettigrew #albus dumbledore #nymphadora tonks #fred weasley #gellert grindelwald #wolfstar #remus x sirius #albus x gellert #harry potter headcanon #mirror of erised #my writing

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clevernewdimension · 5 years

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Not Alone (M)

It’s illegal for hospitals to help those during the Purge. All emergency services shut down. No ambulances will come. No one will answer if you dial 911. No one will save you.

No one except Junmyeon.

He, along with his step brother and his girlfriend, run a pretty well oiled machine by now. They save people in a hospital they run. It’s not an official one, there is only so much they can do, but he will try his damnedest to save everyone. It takes a lot to run, which is where the Triade is involved. If Junmyeon fixes up their wounds, even on days when it’s not the Purge, they’ll keep his Hospital running.

So when he gets a call that one of the higher ups in the Triad’s sister is hurt, he does everything he can to save her.

Genre: Action, Gore, and smut.

Word count: 11K

A/N: Trigger warnings for gore, blood, death, attempted rape, animal abuse, animal death. But over all it’s actually kinda cute. The second half, at least.

Junmyeon smiled, feeling arms wrap around his waist. He glanced back, seeing just a firm chest. Sehun, his half brother, always gives Junmyeon hugs, but especially around now. He knows that now is especially stressful for Junmyeon. The doctor smiles, “About time you showed up. Can you help me check and see if I have enough supplies? Rubbing alcohol, wire, needles and such?”

“She’s already on it,” Sehun says, holding him as he watches Junmyeon cut open a box with packs of sterile scalpels and other surgical supplies should he need it. Years ago Sehun and Kyungsoo helped him turn the basement into an emergency operating room. A lot of aprons and, if those run out, a pack of trash bags to rip hole into an wear. A lot of the supplies gotten here though illegal means, thanks to a friend of Kyungsoo’s, Yixing.

He doesn’t really care for Yixing, but at least he’s some Mafia Don who only hurts people who deserves it. Pedophiles, murderers, abusers, and those who steal from the poor to give to the rich are his gang’s targets. What Junmyeon doesn’t like is the drug and weapon smuggling, but he supposes he can ignore those since Yixing actually helps people who need it in this town, especially with blackmailing political powerhouses. However, the NFFA still seems untouchable, even for someone as powerful as Yixing.

Junmyeon is a friend of the gang. Because of that, he had to get a tattoo of their symbol, the phoenix. Under it is a barcode, which is pretty weird, but those in his gang can just scan it and see that he’s not only a certified friend of the gang, but a personal one to Yixing. In return he has to patch up a few of his men from time to time. Easy enough if it mean he can help people on Purge night.

He looks at Sehun, remembering what his younger brother said. Junmyeon smiled, hearing him say that. Last year after that asshole came back to Sehun, he was worried. Sehun likes to keep people at a distance after something bad happens. It took him ages to break though his shell the first time. Thankfully he’s not that hard now if you know him. He’s extremely happy that he and his best friend have finally gotten together. They’re adorable, even when they’re trying not to be. Both of them too cool and super edgy, Junmyeon likes to joke they’re still not over their middle school emo phases.

Junmyeon sighs, feeling his back hurt. All the stress makes him so tense this time of year. Thankfully he has a vacation planned after, some time away from everything and everyone to just be on a beach and do nothing. Granted he still has the week here to check up on patients, attend the funerals for people he unfortunately can’t save, things of that nature. Took Sehun ages to convince him to take it, but now the more he thinks about it the more he realizes he needed it.

He looks over, seeing the news on. People from other countries coming to try and kill others for fun makes him angry. It’s funny, he thinks, that people like to pretend that humans are not animals when there are so many of them who act like it by letting go of their rational mind and return to a primal sense of existing.

Seeing the people smile and laugh on the tv talking about killing people made Junmyeon extremely angry.

I feel the dread in my gut as I lock the metal door of my store. I look, seeing the inside of my small ice cream shop. Four tables, a small bar with three seats and 18 different handmade flavors to choose from, three seasonal that rotate through the year. I reach up, jumping to grab onto the metal barrier. My sister and her… friends, installed it. She and I are not alike in the slightest. Twins, but we look nothing alike. She has tattoos and piercings and works for the local Triade. She flunked out of high school and joined a gang immediately. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll are three of her favorite things and she’d rather burn out than fade away.

Meanwhile, I own an ice cream shop, have a culinary degree with a minor in business and the only piercings I have are my ears and the only tattoo I actually wanted is a small crown in the shape of my best friends necklace that she would wear growing up. Got it when she died a few years ago. She was the co-owner. I made the ice cream and she kept track of finances and things.

We couldn’t be any different, my sister and I. She made me get the dumb phoenix tattoo with the stupid bar code, saying it was just in case things happen. It was fairly small on my side, thankfully easily hidden. She’s protective. Strong and abrasive. I’m timid, soft spoken and quiet. She’d break the rules and I’d follow them.

I turn, looking at the clock. Purge night begins soon, and my sister told me she’d have a few of her friend make sure no one goes after my shop. It’s the least she could do for me, really. Years of stealing from me to get money for who knows what. But I still love her, and she appears to be a lot calmer now.

When the siren blared, I was hiding in my house. I never slept this night, taking the day after off in order to do so. All lights and everything off, making it look like I’m not home. Every year it’s like this. Waiting for the blood to stop flowing through the streets and the screams of terror to be silenced. Every gun shot, I flinch, every thump, I want to whimper. I’m scared. Fear is the enemy of me. I’m not brave. I’m a coward. It’s just something I’ve come to accept.

A few hours in, the hell outside was getting worse and worse. One glance outside showed me all the things I would have nightmares about. Inside it was different. Everything was still, I even turned the heat off as I was wrapped into a blanket in bed. All was still in my apartment. It was quiet. The terror outside but here nothing made a noise. It was unnerving. I was use to a little noise almost constantly, from Stela… the bell on her collar.

I feel my blood run cold. I move from my blanket, my feet touching the cold ground as I peak my head out my bedroom door. It was dark, but the light from the fires lit up the view of my front door.

I put my hand over my mouth, seeing the body of my cat there on the ground in two pieces. I look at the white door, seeing written there in dripping blood just a few words.

YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID YES

The bathroom across from me was opened as I look, seeing him. The man who, for the past ten months has come in and out of my shop asking me to date. When I refused, he then asked for ‘just sex’. I see him in my nightmares and seeing him here, today of all days made me want to scream. I turn towards my room, my hand on the door before he places his foot there, stopping it from closing.

“All you had to do was say yes,” He says, shoving the door open. I fall from the force, before he grabs me, a knife in his hand, blood cleaned. Be puts it to my throat. “Hold your hands out for me, for I swear I will kill you,” He says in my ear, his breath making my skin crawl.

I do as he says, his other hand moving and I see him slap a cuff on one hand, before doing the same to the other. It was tight, as he then shoves me so that I was on the bed.

I look, seeing him just stand there, grinning wildly. “You know, I’m a nice guy. I have a great job. I’ve never been anything but polite to you. I even volunteer at the homeless shelter because I’m just such a nice person. But you’re just like them, huh?” He says, pointing the knife at me. It catches the end of my tank top, as he slowly moves it up. The sound of the cloth cutting making me freeze.

“You’re just like all those sluts who wants guys who are asshole,” He yells, ripping the knife away as the shirt fall open in two pieces. I bit my lip, remembering that I hid the gun my sister bought for me. Every Purge night I put it under my pillow instead of in the closet in a secure safe.

I feel the knife at my mouth, the tip cutting ever so lightly on my cheek. “A whore who says no to men who could be husbands and instead go to clueless boy toys,” He says in my face. Be pulls the knife away, before I feel it at my chest again, slicing my bra in two. He glares up, shaking his head, “Lace?” He scoffs, “Closet slut. It’s a shame, I always dreamed about this. You and me laying down, making love,” He mutters sadly, before pushing my arms up. “Keep them up there,” He growls, “I always imagine it. You and I making love the first time. You being shy, embarrassed that it’s your first time.” He smiles, like thinking of a memory rather than a fantasy.

His hand goes to my throat, tightening. I start to feel light headed, suffocating as I try to breathe. “But you’re really not, right? Innocent. You’re probably like all the rest of them huh? Some bitch whose cunt is so loose from being used up all these years.”

He lets go and I take a deep breath, wanting to say something, but not being able to. I was scared. A rabbit in a world of wolves.

He pushes my shirt and bra to the side, my chest bare to him as his eyes just look at me. He smiles, “But I’m willing to forgive you. For a price.”

He leans down, the blade biting into the skin near my ribs as his teeth bite into the side of one of my breasts. I whine, tears flowing freely as I feel his other hand holding my hips tightly.

I reach, my fingers grabbing the gun. I move, knocking it against his head He falls from the bed as I move, pointing the gun at him quickly. He moved fast, starting to lunge at me before the bang. My hands feeling weird, tingly.

I see him fall, and with it, the view of my stomach. The blade of the knife stabbing, right above my hip. I was shocked, staring at it before I reach, grabbing the phone on my nightstand. I quickly dial my sister, laying back as I try not to pain. I start to feel the hint of the pain now.

“Hey lil sis,” She says, “Listen, I’d love to chat but Yixing has us-”

“I’ve been stabbed,” I mutter, from shock, tears coming to my eyes as the pain before more and more intense. “I-i’m gonna die, please, help me!”

“Where are you,” She says, her voice going from joking to serious in a flash. She’s older. Suppose to be more mature. I guess seven minutes doesn’t make a difference, really.

“Home,” I say, starting to cry as I try to hold back screaming. Bad people would come looking for me if they heard.

“Wait there,” She says. “I have a friend in that part of town, he’ll get you and take you to his brother, the one I told you about? Who runs that makeshift hospital.” She mutters, “But stay with me, ok, Sweet Pea? What happened? Talk to me.”

“That crazy guy,” I muttered, I-I thought he was innocent, but he’s not. He attacked me. He t-tried to rape me! So I… oh god… I shot him.”

“He deserved it,” She says.

He voice started to fade, as I could see the light from the street dancing on my wall, A quick glance and I see the red splatter. My eyes start to drift closed, as I hear someone come into the room.

“I told you, Cunt,” Sehun says, speeding in a car, “This is a favor asked by a member of the Triad. You know they are the ones pretty much keeping Junmyeon’s hospital afloat.”

“They’re just super shady is all,” She says over their radio. This time they have one with a bigger radius. “Besides, forgive me for being worried about you, Bitch.”

“You know the woman who stops by a few days before the Purge and make sure all of the weapons we have are good to go,” He says, as he darts through the people in the streets, not paying attention to them.

“Yeah,” She says, “Tattoos, nose piercing, cusses more than us somehow.”

“Her sister isn’t like her. She’s normal. Innocent. I’ve heard her talk about her sister’s ice cream shop. She’s about as innocent as innocent can get. And she was attacked by a stalker, apparently,” Sehun says, parking as he gets to the building.

“Fuck,” She says, as Sehun hears the radio cut out, but the sound of her shooting something goes off first. “It’s fine,” She muttered quietly. “I’ll try to make sure the path is clear for you. Should be good for now. Come back quick, yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m going in.”

Sehun moves, quickly getting to the elevator. He reviews the text. Fifth floor. Second door on the right. The doors open and he sees two people, smiling outside a door at the end of the hall. A body at their feet as they are taking knives and cutting off pieces. Putting them in their mouth. Sehun pulls out a handgun, “If you come near me, I will end you.”

They go back to what they are doing, as he tried the door he needed. Locked. Of course. He kicks the door in, almost sliding to fall on his face. He looks, seeing a body of some animal. He closes the door, looking. The message there makes him feel gross.

He moves, quickly, going to the first door on the left and sees the scene. A man in a crumpled mess, one eye wide and the other gone, probably in the mess along with the brain on the wall. He looks seeing the woman. Her top half bare, shirt and bra hanging from her still as the voice on the phone was screaming.

He sees the knife, cursing. “I’ve got her,” He yells, hoping her sister heard him as he quickly picks her up and takes her with him.

Times like this Sehun feels the most fear. When someone is literally dying and he’s not sure if he can get him to Jun in time. He could hear in his ear that he was being told that Junmyeon was ready, waiting for him with a clean O.R. and her blood type ready to go. If she died now it was all on him. Not to mention he’d have one of Yixing’s three most trusted members of the Triad on his ass.

The ride was fairly smooth. He ran over something that was a lump on the ground, making her yell out a yell of pain. He got there, taking her in his arms as he pushed bast people. “Move,” He yelled, making people get out of his way as he went to the stairs, going to the basement.

Junmyeon glanced over, apron, plastic eye shield and gloves. “Start the morphine drip,” He instructs his O.R. tech. He looks at his brother, “Get the blood. We’ll have to start that soon.”

Sehun nods, moving towards the small mini fridge of blood. “What type,” He asks.

“AB positive,” He says, as he gets a scalpel. He pulls out the knife, the blood coming out faster as he just squirts water in order to look and see what he’s dealing with. “Looks like the large intestine was cut,” He says, moving the magnifier over his face. “I’ll have to stitch it up and then the wound.”

Junmyeon didn’t care of the woman before him was bare. He didn’t ask patient stories before he treats. Just what the wound is. He needs to focus all of his attention on the care he gives. With steady precision he starts. Sehun, in her other arm, starts the blood bag. He was taught this by Junmyeon when it was just a few of them working. He needed someone to do this while he focused on the problem.

It always amazed him seeing his brother work. He made himself busy by picking the lock on the handcuffs, freeing her wrists. Junmyeon focused, looking angry as he always does when he sees people hurt today. It felt like it didn’t take long, and as soon as Junmyeon told him that she was in the clear, he was back out, doing his job.

Junmyeon helped carry her to a cot, placing her there. He places a hand on her forehead, nodding. He take the radio out of his pocket. “Sehun, what’s her story.”

“She’s the sister of that bull looking girl,” He says. “From the Triad.”

“Just because she has a septum doesn’t make her a bull,” A voice chimes in.

“Shut it, Cunt,” Sehun says, “She was… I got there and immediately slipped in blood. Her cat. A message on the door. ‘You should have said yes’. Her sister told me that she’s been having this creep at her shop show up.” He sighs, “They didn’t think it was this crazy, though. Got into her bed room and I see her on her bed, shirt and bra cut open, hands cuffed together, knife in her side and a gun next to her. Her sister on the phone by her ear screaming. The guy… well, he was splattered on the wall.”

Junmyeon shakes his head. He recognized her. The owner of Sweet Pea Ice Creamery. She’d been in from time to time when he allowed himself a little treat. He loved the Earl Grey tea flavor they have, and the Gingerbread one during the winter. She was sweet and nice. Also very beautiful, which is why Junmyeon finds himself going in the shop looking for her from time to time. He can see the resemblance to her sister. She was fairly quiet, and soft spoken.

He frowns, thinking that it’s a disgrace that someone like her was hurt. Someone who does nothing but try to make this place better with a smile and some sweets. A few moments of thought was all he was given before he hears the yell of another emergency. He stands, turning without looking back. It’s his duty.

I winced, waking up. I see to my side my sister, holding one of my hands. Behind her is Yixing, whom I know vaguely. He’s come in for ice cream from time to time. Something about his ‘Baby’s favorite’, raspberry white chocolate. Next to him is a man I don’t know by name, but I remember his face. Earl grey tea, is his go to order. Sometimes he’ll get a small iced coffee too, but not often. They were speaking as I look, seeing my sister look at me as I start to sit up.

“You need to rest,” She says, as I look at her face. All facial piercings are off, but her mascara was running down her face in rivets. It was weird, seeing her so… vulnerable. She hates getting emotional and ‘showing weakness’ as she’d call it. She wipes her face, putting a hand on my cheek. “Sweet Pea, I saw what you did,” She says, looking at me with worry, “It’s ok, you know that, right? He was going to hurt you. I know that your against violence, and I know this will be hard for you, but please don’t feel guilty.” She says, as I see her lip quiver. The hand holding mine tightens, in order to comfort me, “I don’t know how to live without you.”

“I…” I say, my throat feeling dry, “I… my apartment-”

“Someone is cleaning it-” She starts.

I shake my head, feeling tears, “No, I can’t go back there. Don’t make me, please!”

She nods, moving and pressing her lips to my forehead, “Tomorrow, I’ll take you to get a new place. I’ll pull some favors and get you moved out so you don’t have to go back. I’ll bury Stela in the botanical gardens so she can be close to the butterflies she loves to chase at the windows,” She says, looking at me. “I swear.”

I nod, looking past her to the two men in the room. They were quiet, seeing us with one another. Yixing nods his head as a greeting. “I’m glad you’re ok,” He says, “I promise you, no matter what, we will make sure to keep you safe every Purge from now on.”

“Thank you,” I say, wiping away my tears. I see another man, a wearing a black shirt and jeans. His hair pushed out of his face and messy. “I know you. You come to my shop. Earl grey tea in a waffle cone,” I say quietly.

He looked shocked, black hair back away from his forehead. His eyes look into mine, before a small smile appears. He nods, “Yeah. It’s my cheat treat. I’m Junmyeon. This is… a safe haven. A little hospital I run for the people who are hurt today.” He says, looking at me. “You seem fine, given the blood loss. Glad you didn’t panic and pull the knife out or else…” He shakes his head. “I’m going to come and see you every day for about a week after, just to make sure you’re healing properly. That being said, not heavy lifting, no crouching, and it would probably be best if you didn’t work, honestly.”

I nod, “I understand. Thank you, Dr. Junmyeon. For saving me.”

He nods, opening his mouth to say something else because I would hear a door slam open.

“Jun! We have a burn victim,” A voice yells.

I see Junmyeon face, for a moment, break. The look of anguish, before it was back to calm and collected. “O.R., Make sure the burn room is free and get someone to completely disinfect it!”

I see someone run past, holding a stretcher. The skin was red, melted and looked like it was liquid. The person passed out, probably from the pain and another person holding the other end.

My sister bring my attention back to her, “Listen to me, I have to go, but I trust Junmyeon. He’s a good man, and that’s damn near impossible to find anymore. I’d trust him with my life… I trust him with you. If you can help, try too. He’s running himself into the ground. Even if it’s just going around and giving other hurt people water, ok? I know you hate feeling useless.” She smiles, looking at me, “We have that in common at least.”

I smile, nodding. “I love you,” I say, holding her hand tightly back.

“I love you too,” She says, nodding.

Once she left, I did what I could to help out. Giving people some small cups of water, talking with people, and comforting those who needed it. I could see the tall man who carried the stretcher look at me, along with Dr. Junmyeon from time to time. It was painful, and I had to take it rather slow, but I liked helping.

I’ve always been a curious person. Sneaking into our fathers study, spying on the neighbors. It’s gotten better as I’ve gotten older, but I still find myself listening in on strangers conversations from time to time. Now, even as I have been stabbed and the guilt of killing someone was weighing on me, I find myself snooping in.

The door open, and I see Dr. Junmyeon kneeling. He was looking at a man, his mouth covered with a mask as he was speaking. I open the door a little bit more, seeing the burned person from earlier.

“Please,” The person cries, “You said it yourself, I will not live past tonight with these burns. This little hospital not having things to treat burns like mine.” I see Dr. Junmyeon’s eyes are tearing up as he was looking at the person. “You’re trying to make me comfortable to pass on, but it’s not helping. It’s so painful… you’ve given me the best pain killer you have and I still feel like I’m being boiled alive.”

“You want me to kill you,” He says, the tears flowing from his eyes.

“I want you to end my suffering,” The man says. “I have no one. All of my family died today. Let me join them, Doctor.”

I see the Dr. Junmyeon pause, wiping his eyes. He nods, “I’m going to put you to sleep first. Then it’ll be peaceful.”

“Thank you,” He says, as I see Junmyeon stand, moving to a small dresser.

“What is your name,” I hear Junmyeon ask, “I… I’m going to make sure you get back and can be buried beside your family.”

“Rodger Felts,” The man says, the voice coming out as a pained whine now.

“I promise, you will not just be forgotten,” He says as he opens the top one, and I see him getting a small tank of gas and a face mask. He places it over the man’s face, turning it.

“I’m sorry,” The Doctor says, “That I couldn’t save you.”

“Son,” The man says, “If you did, I probably would have ended it anyways after seeing what those men did to my little girls.”

I wait, seeing the man slowly fall asleep. I hear a few sniffles, my eyes tearing up as I see him go back to the dresser, getting a shot and a small vial. Soon the needle is in pressed into the vein, the plunger pushed all the way down. The doctor nods, “Rodger, I don’t know if you can hear me, but that will put you into a medically induced coma. It will be peaceful, I swear.”

I watch as he waits, looking at his watch. Probably waiting for the drug to go into effect. I see him carefully take the pillow from under the man’s head. Junmyeon’s face nothing but tears as he presses it down, smothering the man. He held it there, in place, for a minute. Then two. Tears falling from my face. I watch him move the pillow, his hand moving to the man’s neck. From what I could tell, the pulse was gone, and he had moved on. I see Junmyeon shake his head, before turning and throwing the vial that was still in his hand against the wall, letting out a yell of anguish.

A few moments of stillness. He didn’t move before I see him reach for his pocket. “Sehun,” the doctor says, “The man who was burned. He’s gone.”

I wipe my eyes, turning and walking down the hall. Away from it. I hate killing. I can’t do it. Seeing how much it affected him makes me think Junmyeon is the same. But he still did it out of mercy. He, above all, probably hates to see people suffer.

Rodger Felts stayed on my mind all night. More people brought in, more people to help. To comfort. Soon, I could hear the siren. Purge is over. My sister came back for me, hugging me tightly as she moves to help escort me. I see Junmyeon, and the man I learned later on was Sehun. I smiled, “Thank you,” I say, “For saving my life.”

Sehun nods, silent as he looked over at Junmyeon. The doctor smiled, though it didn’t seem real. His eyes held immense sadness. He just nodded, walking away. Sehun went to follow as Junmyeon left the room, but I act this hand.

“I… I saw Junmyeon, with the burned man,” I mutter quietly. “I was going around, helping people the best I could, and I didn’t exactly know where I was. I saw… that man begged him to end his suffering. He did and he was… distraught.” I look to the ground, “I didn’t mean to spy, but I just thought someone close to him should know how upset he was.”

Sehun sighed, shaking his head. “I’m happy you saw, because he would have just held it in for ages if I didn’t know about it.” He looks over to the door he left out of, “He worries me.”

I nod, “Um… well, how about both of you come by my shop. I feel like you both deserve free ice cream for life for what you did for me.”

Sehun laughs, “Sure thing. Not for at least three days, though. When you leave, you rest. Let your employees take the reigns for a bit.”

I nod, seeing my sister turn into the room. She rushes over, hugging me close around my shoulders. “I have you a hotel room for a few days. We got you a new place, better security, and we’re going to start moving your things over tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” I mutter, holding her as the tears came to my eyes. All the crying I held in for hours came out, shaking and crying as I cling to my sister, the rock in my life and the only person I have.

Junmyeon was exhausted, looking at the completely clean and disinfected O.R. His back resting against the wall, sitting down. Blood didn’t phase him at all. It was part of the job, after all. Death did, however. Anytime someone dies in his care, it hurts. Tonight he lost two. One who died on the table and the one he…

He understands it. The amount of pain, knowing that you’ll die either way, it’s merciful. His last few hours were going to be agonizing. Nothing to dull the pain. The feeling of your skin melting would have never stopped. Even the air hurts it.

He hears the door open, looking and seeing Sehun. The man just walks over, sitting down by Junmyeon. Dirt and blood on him, as he just sighs.

“I hear you had to,” Sehun starts, letting the statement drift off. He places a hand on Junmyeon’s shoulder. “It’s ok, Junmyeon. I know what you’re life after killing someone, be it in self defense or out of mercy. Please don’t let it control you.”

Junmyeon lowered his head, feeling the pent up emotions finally come to light. The sobs start before he could even attempt to stop them, and Sehun has him in a hug quicker than ever. Sehun doesn’t know how much longer Junmyeon can keep this place running. It wears on him for so long after. A deep sadness in his older brother that he hates to see. He’s a good person. He has a good heart. That heart is also very tender, as it turns out.

He just wished that Junmyeon realized he can’t save everyone, no matter how hard he tries.

I sigh, sitting at my shop thinking about my new apartment. It was a little larger than before. The kitchen roomier and the living room that had enough space I could do something like yoga in it if I move the coffee table. All of my pictures and keepsakes are here. My sister took the liberty of picking how new furniture, leaving me a post it on the kitchen counter about owing her some of her favorite chocolate hazelnut ice cream. It’s funny, a new place, better security and with Purge insurance, but cheaper than my old place. Which I didn’t mind at all, honestly.

My sister came by with Doctor Junmyeon the first two days. He looked like he wanted to rip is hair out, but he was still polite and kind. Today he was going to meet me here at the shop. I was still, just monitoring as kids safely come in and get ice cream after school. I would smile at them, watching them count out the change they saved to get their favorite flavor.

The bell dings and I look over, seeing Junmyeon there. He smiles, looking a lot healthier now, but still… worried. “My office,” I ask, looking at him with a smile.

“I don’t think you’d want me to check your wound out here, after all,” He says, nodding.

“I could just, you know… meet you at the hospital,” I say, looking as I take my keys and unlock my office. It was small, a bit cramped to be honest.

“I’m off work,” He says, “Vacation time. Besides, this way it saves you from having to pay more than a hundred dollars each visit, too.”

I nod, lifting my shirt, letting him see the bandage. He has a bag in his hand that he sets on the desk over some of my papers. He takes out a pair of gloves, putting them on. He peels the bandage off, looking at the stitches. “It’s healing nicely. You’ve seem to listen to me about taking things easily. Which is nice, since many people want to ignore a doctor’s advice.”

“Well, you did save my life, so I feel like I owe it to you to at least listen to you,” I say quietly. I watch him as he carefully places another small square of gause, and tapes the sides to my skin, trying not to hurt me. He was concentrating on being extremely gentle.

“Thank you,” I say, as he moves away.

He smiles, looking stressed and tired, “It’s really no problem.”

He goes to turn, as I reach out, “Dr. Junmyeon, wait please,” I say, blushing at my sudden outburst. I wince from the sudden movement, a bit sore as I reached out for him.

“You shouldn’t move too quickly,” He says, looking at me with worry, his eyes scanning to see if I’m alright. Junmyeon turns, looking over at me. He looked curious, but waited.

“I… just wait here a moment please,” I say, moving past him and out my office, our chests brushing awkwardly as I pass by. I really didn’t think that through, as I go into the kitchen and quickly into the freezer. I see a large styrofoam box, a post it note on it in my handwriting saying ‘Do not sell’. I grab it, before moving back towards my office. He had his bag in his hand as he looks back at me. I feel my face flush as I hold the box out. “Earl Grey tea. Three quarts. Please enjoy it!”

He looks surprised, looking back at me. I see him smile, and this time it seemed to actually reach his eyes. He takes it, “I’m… shocked. You didn’t have to do this.” He looks at me, grinning.

“I just… thought that you could use a pick me up after everything. If anyone deserves ice cream, it’s you. What you do for people,” I say, feeling my throat getting tighter from sadness. “People would be just… hopeless without you and what you do every year, apparently. So, you deserve it.” I look away, “Um… if you want some waffle cones for that ice cream, I can make those too. It’ll take a while since we make them fresh to order, but I mean, you know that al-”

“I could always come back again,” He says, “To get some. If that’s ok. I’ll pay for the cones too. I don’t want you going out of business giving me things for free, after all.”

“I order too much anyways,” I say, smiling, “So that employees can gives some free to their loved ones from time to time. I think you deserve a few cones.”

“I’ll be back later today, then,” He says, nodding.

“See you,” I say, nodding as he leaves the office. I feel my face heat up as I cover it. “He’s so handsome,” I mutter to myself, before sitting down and going over payroll for these two weeks.

Junmyeon opens the door to his apartment, smiling a little as the cold box in his hands. He looks, seeing Sehun on his couch, flipping through channels. The younger man looks over, seeing the box. He smirks, “Ice cream, hm? Did you buy it to try to get on her good side.”

“She gave it to me,” He says, putting the bag down and moving to the kitchen. “Earl Grey.”

Sehun smiles, getting up and following his older brother to the kitchen. “I knew I recognized that box. I end up getting some of her rocky road from time to time when the supposed love of my life wants it. Never from her, though. She takes the weekends off usually.” He smirks, watching his brother put the container in his freezer. “Funny, since it’s Saturday. She doesn’t work today, and yet, she was there. Making you ice cream.”

“Just say what you want to say, Sehunnie,” Junmyeon says, looking in his refrigerator for some leftovers to have for lunch.

“You haven’t dated in a while-”

“Oh no,” Junmyeon says, shaking his head. “You know why, I’m too-”

“Too busy, whatever, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try,” He says. “We’ve heard a lot about her from her sister. She’s kind, smart, and a homebody. Much like you. It wouldn’t hurt to just try.”

Junmyeon rolls his eyes, taking the leftover half of a sub out and peeling the paper away. He bites into it, before moving and sitting down next to Sehun. He cares, and he knows his brother is doing this out of a good place, but it’s still annoying. Sure, he thinks she’s attractive. He has since he stepped into the ice cream shop the first time. He can’t drag yet another person into running this hospital, though. It takes a damn toll for sure.

Sehun just smiles, “Fine. Change of topic. Have you met your new neighbor yet?”

“No,” He says, mouth full of food. “Mrs. Alessi did. Says that she’s very kind and quiet, which is already improved from the last person who lived there. She also said she gave her a small gift. Needless to say Mrs. Alessi is already in love with her.”

Mrs. Alessi, Junmyeon thinks with a smile. An older woman, probably in her seventies. She likes to dote on people, since she’s a widow and her children all live a few cities over, she turns her attention to the people who live on their hall. She makes him a lot of pasta dishes, which is amazing since she immigrated from Italy when she was a small girl. “She apparently tried knocking on my door, but I was gone.”

Sehun had a knowing smirk on his face, but said nothing. A very Sehun like thing to do. He just looks away, “Well, she also talked with the newbie for a bit too. Turns out, single. Maybe you could-”

“Sehun, my love life is nonexistent and will probably be that way forever. Please, leave that subject be,” Junmyeon says, frowning. “You know what will happen.”

Sehun rolls his eyes, “Whatever. Just call me later and tell me how meeting with ‘Sweet Pea’ goes, yeah? Or tell me if your neighbor is hot. The grumpiest tech support manager and I are looking into maybe wanting a threesome with someone.”

“You two are wild,” Junmyeon says, shaking his head.

“She’ll take that as a compliment,” He says with a smile as he heads for the door.

I smile, waving at my employees walking out of the storefront and going home. I stand in front of the machine that looks sort of like a waffle maker, but for very thing ones as I press the stop down, hearing the batter cooking. I hear the door ring and I look up, seeing Junmyeon. “Hey,” I say, “Would you mind flipping the sign to closed?”

“No problem,” He says with a smile, turning it easily. He turns back, “That smells good.”

“Well,” I say, “I know you usually try a few flavor of cones. This one is actually new. Toasted coconut.”

“That sounds amazing,” He says, sitting at the bar in front of the waffle maker.

I nod, “So, Dr. Junmyeon-”

“Just Junmyeon, please,” He says, watching as I lift the top of the cone press. I take it, quickly twisting it while it’s still very hot into the shape. I hold it there nodding.

“Junmyeon, what kind of doctor are you? If you don’t mind me asking, that is,” I mutter, looking away for a moment.

“It’s ok,” He says, resting against his hand, watching me work. “I use to be a brain surgeon, but I see enough awful things in one night a year that I moved to doing plastic surgery.”

“My sister would love that,” I say smiling.

“She wants work done?”

I shrug, starting a new cone as I set the coconut one to cool more, knowing it would completely hold it’s shape. This one was light purple. Lavender. He gets a lavender one quite a bit. “Plastic surgery mean… well I assume you do a fair amount of… well, boob jobs.”

He laughs, nodding, “Well, yeah.”

“My sister would want it just to ever so subtly look at them all day,” I say, rolling my eyes.

“After the first few times, you learn to just shut that part of your brain down,” Junmyeon explains, smiling when I pour the purple batter onto the maker. “Besides, your sister wanted a nose job for a while.”

I nod, “Someone talked her out of it.”

“I did,” He says, with a shake of his head. “She was convinced that she needed it to make it look thinner but if she did that it would make her nose look practically non existent.” He sighs, “She’s a lot like other people I’ve seen. Think something is wrong when it isn’t… but if they insist…”

“I’m shocked,” I say with a laugh, “She’s a stubborn one. The fact you convinced her not to do it is astounding.”

“She’s stunning without any work done,” He say with a shrug. “I told her if something went wrong and she broke her nose or anything like that, then we’ll talk.”

“I’ll take that as a complement,” I say with a smile, “Since we’re twins and all.”

He looks at me, eyes a bit wide. “Oh… well, good. Because you are too.”

I take the lavender cone, twisting and holding it in shape, making sure the bottom of it won’t let any ice cream drip. “Almost done,” I say, nodding, “Just one more vanilla one.”

“Take you time,” He says, “Your sister mentioned about you moving. How did it go?”

“Very well,” I smile, pouring the batter and pressing it closed. “It’s got a gate at the front and everything. I didn’t expect it to be so high, though. But the sights are great. It’s a bit farther away, so I have to take the subway for a bit longer than I use to.”

“You’re riding the subway? While recovering?”

“Am I not suppose to?”

He sighs, “It’ll agitate the area. You should really drive.”

I shrug,” I don’t own a car.”

“Would you like me to drive you home,” He says, looking out and seeing it getting dark.

I nod, “That would be wonderful. Are you sure? I don’t want to invade too much of your day.”

“I’d worry, honestly,” He says, nodding.

“Alright,” I say quietly, “But promise me I’m not taking you away from people that need you or anything, right?”

“You’re not.”

I pack up the cones, handing him the box before I take the money from the register and place it in the safe after counting it. After, I make sure the back door and unloading bay is locked, twisting door knobs and trying to lift the large sheet of metal. After I lock my office, turning out all the lights. Once I get to the front, I just go and lock it up. Tomorrow is the cleaning morning, so I’ll have to remember to look and see if we’re still good on cleaning supplies.

Junmyeon opens the door for me. “Thank you,” I say, locking the front door. With his help I pull down the security cage like door, locking that in place. Thankfully my manager is coming back in town and starting work tomorrow, giving me the day off it I’d want it.

I turn, looking at Junmyeon. His hair starting to fall in his face as he checks his watch. A small breeze blows by, making me smile. The kitchen can get pretty warm, even for an ice cream parlor. He stands beside me, offering me his arm. “I parked a little bit away,” He says, “I like to try to get at least a little bit of walking done.”

I slip my arm into his. “I have a treadmill that I try to get on at least four days a week usually.” I look over, seeing him smiling and looking back at me. I feel a blush creep to my face, having him looking at me so closely. I mentally curse myself for not thinking to put on makeup. Not that it would matter, since he’s seen me at literally the worst I’ve ever looked. “I’ll walk while I watch some t.v. usually. Before dinner. To work up an appetite, you know?”

The walk was quite conversation. Junmyeon told me about liking to sing, read and keep himself healthy. I talked about culinary school, growing up with my sister and how I was on my high school academic decathlon. We were both nerds, apparently, as he was the valedictorian of his class, both high school and college. Makes sense.

We got to a silver BMW, as he take out his keys and unlocks his car. He was kind, making sure I got in without hurting myself before moving to the drivers side.

“So,” He says, turning the music down as he started his car. “Where to?”

“You know that apartment building that’s right next to the financial district,” I mutter, feeling a bit awkward that I live at such a nice play now. “The one with the gate?”

He pauses, before looking at me. Junmyeon just smiles, “Do you happen to life in 712? At Windsor apartments?”

I frown, looking at him. “Yes…”

He just lets out a laughs, resting his forehead on his steering wheel. With a shake of his head, he glances over. Holding out his right hand, he smiles. “Hello 712. I’m Kim Junmyeon, I live in 713.”

I was so stunned I just said the first thing that came to my mind. “Well I suppose the worry of making you go to the opposite side of the city are gone now.”

The laugh that came from him was one of the most stunning things I’ve ever heard. I just smiled, before laughing along with him.

For the last few months, my neighbor and I have become really close friends. When he could take a break from his hectic schedule, we’d go to museums and have dinner together. I’d often run my new ice cream flavors by him and see how he likes them while I wait nervous every time. The ones he didn’t like he would always let me down gently.

We’ve become such good friends that we even have keys to each other’s places. He even gave me a spare key to his car. Sehun is now a permanent fixture in my life too now, as is his lovely girlfriend. She reminds me of my sister with less piercings and gang affiliations. Hell, just last week I went out to a nice dinner with them and Junmyeon only to see, as they walked along the beach behind us after dinner, Sehun propose to her. It was so heartwarming, hearing how happy and excited they were. Junmyeon even teared up at the sight before I suggest we give them some privacy.

I never expected the worst thing to ever happen to me to lead to this. People in my life other than my sister. Something to look forward too other than my business and spending time with my sister. It was a breath of fresh air.

My sister just smiles at me, a spoon in the ice cream I bought her. I was sitting on my couch, facing her as she just wiggles her eyebrows at me. “You and the doc are quite close,” She says, her voice just teasing me as I hold my burrito to my face, taking a bite from it.

“We’re friends,” I say, my mouth full. I swallow the food, before rolling my eyes at the look she was giving me. “Besides, I’m pretty sure he isn’t interested. He’s a doctor, Sis, too good for an ice cream maker.”

“Bitch there is no one better than you,” She says, pointing at me with her spoon for emphasis. “He probably just don’t know you’re into him because you NEVER show any signs of anything like that. Wouldn’t surprise me if you liked him too, you’re just too emotionally stunted to show it. Or just a huge prude.”

I feel my face heat up as I sputtered out, “I’m not!”

“You’re so into him it’s clear to see. You get shyer, and you only do that when you’re either into someone or terrified of them. I know it’s not you scared because then you wouldn’t seek his company,” She says, getting a spoonful of her chocolate raspberry ice cream. “And I only know this because I’ve known you since the womb. Sehun says the feeling is mutual, by the way, so get over your fear and take a chance to try to split on that dick.”

“Sometimes the way you say things is just honestly shocking to me,” I mutter, rolling my eyes.

“Is it because you haven’t had any in a while,” She asks, “Worried your game got weak?”

“I’m ignoring you,” I mutter, biting into my food again as I press the power for the tv.

“I’m just saying you’re not even denying it anymore.”

“I mean, I have eyes. He’s handsome,” I say with my mouth full this time. “Who wouldn’t want to?”

She smirks, “Now we’re talking! You know sis, doctors are very skilled with their hands,” She says, voice teasing me. “I had a friend who dated him when they were in college before she joined the Triad.” She looked over at me and winked, “All I’m saying is she talked up his skills a lot. Enough to make me wet from the descriptions, and she’s not one to settle for anything less than the best.” She pointed out, spooning ice cream into her mouth. Some drips down the side of her chin as she just speaks, “You deserve someone to fuck your brains out so hard it makes you dumb for the first time in your life.”

I ignored her, and thankfully the movie playing got her attention. She was always easy to deal with in this respect. Ignore long enough and her attention will be elsewhere. I just smirked to myself, a scary movie playing as I watch and laugh as my sister scream at the main girl. It was fun, and nice to just be with her. The two of us, some wine and dumb movies was or go to since we were seventeen. She’d steal the wine back then but now I just buy it. A sweet rose for me and a dry white for her.

She can hold her alcohol better than I could, though. So when I start to feel it I save the rest of the bottle for tomorrow. She’d take a taxi or a friend would get her to either hang out or hit the town. She turns to me at the door, pulling me into a hug. I hug her tightly back. We’re opposites in a lot of ways, but the core of us are the same. She is my other half, after all.

Then, it was just myself, credits playing on the tv and two empty wine glasses. I look at the clock, seeing it was only three in the afternoon as I just sigh. She can never do these at night, could she?

I glance at my kitchen, deciding to waste the time I have until dinner just making something sweet. I love ice cream, but sometimes you just want something else. Brownies are my go to other than ice cream, so I quickly manage to throw the things together from memory. I clean everything as it was baking and hear my door open just as I pull them out the oven.

I roll my eyes, knowing it was probably my sister. She loved to come in before she leaves to start her partying often. “If you’re here to ask for a place to crash tonight, take the couch! Last time you threw up on my bed. I don’t care if you’re my twin, I’m NOT dealing with your puke again,” I say, turning my oven off.

“I wouldn’t want to deal with anyone’s puke either,” a voice says.

I turn, seeing Junmyeon there, smiling with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. I smile, seeing him in a suit, hair pushed back. “You look nice. Any reason you’re all dolled up? A date?” I glance down at my appearance, cursing that I looked like a slob right now. My hair up in a messy nest of a bun, a large old tee that has stains from wine. The sweatpants I wore were so threadbare there were holes in places and could probably fall apart any minte. If anything, it just highlights how different we are.

He flushes, “It was just a work thing. Fundraising dinner. Very boring, really, but as someone who’s worked on most of the people who are donating, the hospital thought it was best for me to go.” He shakes his head, looking at me, “These are for you. In celebration.”

I smile, looking at the colorful purple red and pink collection of flowers. I smile, taking a sniff of them with a grin before setting them on my coffee table. “They’re lovely, but I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about?”

“Your ice cream shop has just been named best in the city,” He says, grinning. “The husband of a woman I did some work on said the list comes out officially tomorrow. They talked about restaurants and when it came to the subject of dessert, he said that your shop was the overall winner.” He holds the flowers out to me. His smiles almost blinding as I just stare dumbly, my mouth hanging open in shock.

“Really,” I ask, before moving and hugging him tightly. The cologne was subtle, not overpowering as I held him tightly. “That’s amazing!”

“I thought you’d want to know,” He laughs, hugging me back. “Got to prepare for the influx of new customers!”

Before I could even realise what I was doing, I move back and press my lips to his excitedly. When I pull away and see his shocked expression, m eyes widen and all I could feel was horror.

That’s it. I fucked up the best friendship I’ve ever had by not thinking. I put my hands over my face, feeling the heat from my embarrassment. “I’m so sorry,” I muttered, though it came out really muffled from behind my hands. “I’m such an idiot. Please forgive me, I won’t do it again I swear.”

I look up to see him looking stunned for a moment, before smiling. For some reason that made me feel getter, as I let my hands down from my race, thought they were now holding onto the end of my shirt and playing with it. My nerves still sky high as I see his eyes met mine.

“If I forgive you, you won’t do it again,” He says, “But what if I want you to.”

I pause, my mind freezing as I had to think about what it is he just said. He grins, one hand moving to my face as he just leans down, softly pressing his lips to mine again. It was quick, just like before. He smiles, looking me in my eyes. “This ok,” He asks quietly, almost as if he’s scared to run me off.

I nod, feeling his hand on my face move to my neck. I place mine on his chest, my heart beating super fast as he leans down again. I feel his other hand on my hip, resting there as my brain just stops thinking for a moment. When he pulls away, his forehead rests against mine, grinning widely.

“Please tell me you feel this too,” He mutters quietly. As if my saying no would break him. “This attraction I have for you is so strong. But it’s not just physical,” He says, explaining. “It’s deeper than that.”

My heart felt like it stopped for a moment. My eyes wide at I looked at him, almost unable to believe that a man as accomplished as him was admitting feelings for me. I smile, unable to conceal how I feel from becoming clear on my face. I nod, “Yeah. I do.”

The smile on his face was beautiful. As he looked so joyed that I felt it too. It was infectious, as I grinned back. This time, when we kissed, it wasn’t as soft. There was a bite to it, a deep need that was always simmering for us. He pulled me so I was as close as possible, letting me wrap my arms around his neck.

I was literally breathless when he pulled away again. Taking deep breaths as I couldn’t contain my grin. I move, resting my forehead on his shoulder, feeling my face warm up again. He wraps his arms around me, hugging me close. When I finally got the courage to look him in the eyes, he was just smiling down at me like I was the joy of his life.

I stand on my tiptoes, pressing my lips to his again, pulling our bodies together where there is no space between us. My forward action was a surprise, apparently, as he was just still for a moment before holding me as close as he could. Hands on my hips, gripping a bit tighter than before. I moaned a bit, feeling his teeth bite my bottom lip. “Junmyeon,” I muttered quietly, feeling his lips go to my neck. My fingers in his hair, tightening a bit when he bites down on my skin. “Please,” I say, shivering as I press my hips into his.

His hands slide over my butt to my thighs, moving so he could pick me up. I wrap my legs around him to keep me steady. We didn’t move very long, as I felt my back rest against my couch.

I push the jacket off his shoulders, looking him in the eyes as he just smiles before tossing it to the side. I quickly reached for my shirt, throwing it away as I see his eyes go wide. I didn’t wear a bra, since it was getting late I took it off after baking.

“Fuck,” he mutters as he moves and kisses me feverishly, fingers lightly ghosting over my breasts, getting to my sweatpants. “Can I,” He asks in between kisses.

“Yes,” I say, “Please, Junmyeon.”

“If you keep whining my name like that I won’t last long,” He says, lips brushing over mine as he speaks. His fingers pull my clothes, taking off the last of them at the same time. “I’ve dreamed about this for so long,” He says, lips traveling south. “How you’d sound whining my name,” He says, fingertips tracing over my nipples, tongue and teeth decorating my skin. “How you’d taste,” He says, teeth biting into the flesh of one of my breasts. Not too hard, but enough to excite. I felt myself getting wetter hearing him talk to me like this, just like I fantasied. “How would’d feel wrapped around me,” He says, fingers playing with my nipples as he kept move further down. “Every fantasy was you,” He says, pushing my legs apart now. “Please,” He says, “Let me make my fantasies a reality.”

“You’d be making mine real too,” I say, smiling at him. Somehow, I didn’t feel shy. I trusted him.

The smile he gave me was stunning. He leaned down, “Then let’s get started, hm?”

It was slow. Small licks, avoiding the place I wanted his tongue the most in order to build my anticipation. One finger slipping into me, making me moan. Seeing him on his knees in front of me like this made me feel weirdly powerful. His eyes directly on mine, watching me and every reaction I make to his ministrations.

It was all too slow and not enough after what felt like ages. I whine, “Please.”

The finger in me curled right as his tongue went over my clit for the first time. All the built up felt like it paid off. Closing my eyes, I grab onto his arm that was holding one of my legs open. One finger became two, small soft licks became quicker, with more pressure. My body was shaking as I opened my mouth, going to ward Junmyeon. “I’m gonna-”

He sucks on my clit, taking my eyes roll and let the wave of ecstasy crash down on me. My body felt like it was on fire, but instead of pain all it did was feel good. Tears fell from my eyes and before I knew it, he was pulled away. I gasped, taking in deep breaths of air before glazing, seeing him taking his tie off. I move, wanting even more of him. Wanting to feel him as I get on my hands and knees, just waiting for him.

“Fuck,” He says, as I see him unbutton his shirt as he kicks off his shoes and socks too.

“Please,” I moan, still a bit breathless from my orgasm. “Hurry, I want you.”

He smirks, taking his wallet and getting a condom out of me. It was nice to know that he was being safe with me. I look, seeing his tie on the ground. I pick it up, smiling, before looking at him. I put my wrists into the look, looking at him as he just stares at me in shock.

“Who knew the innocent ice cream maker was kinky,” He mutters, looking delighted. He tightens it around my wrists, tieing them so I couldn’t just slip out.

“It’s my greatest secret,” I say, watching him quickly unbuckle his belt and push his slacks and underwear down, stepping out of them. He was hard, leaking already. I lick my lips, looking at him.

“Next time,” He says, “I don’t want to cum and not get to finally fuck you, after all.”

The condom was on, and I feel the couch shift as he moves behind me. I was excited, feeling his hand move to my hip, gripping and holding me still. “Ready,” He asks.

“Yes,” I say, looking over my shoulder and seeing him smile. I left him slowly slide in. I bite my lip, closing my eyes. It’s been a while since I’ve done this. The feeling of being full again was wonderful, the slide making every hair on my neck stand up. It just felt so right, hearing him groan from behind me, fingers digging in my skin slightly.

The first thrusts made me wonder why I haven’t been having sex for so long. I almost forgot how great it could feel, my fingers holding each other tightly. His other hand moves to my hip too, pulling back as he pushed forward, making me whine as I still bit my lip.

“Come on, I want to hear you,” He says, letting out a low groan. Letting my lip go, a loud moan left me immediately. “That’s it,” He says, “more of that. I want everyone around us to hear.”

The thought was embarrassing but also… exciting. Knowing that people were absolutely going to know what we’re doing is a thrill. The walls are not paper thin, but if you get loud enough, you’ll hear no matter what. I was typically loud, too, so there was no way people were not going to hear. Gossip spreads here like a wildfire too.

Junmyeon’s thrusts started getting harder, making moans flow from my mouth more and more. “Yes,” I yell. I loved this, hard and fast. No one expected it from me, that’s for sure.

I feel him slip out as I look at him. He was sweating, taking my arm and pulling me. He sat down, pulling me over his lap. I lean forward, pressing my lips to his in a searing kiss. I move, sliding myself along his cock. He groans, moving and holding it to my opening. I sink down, wanting the feeling again as I put my tied wrists over his shoulders, fingers gripping his hair.

“Fuck,” He moans,” Letting his head fall back a bit. The slap of our slick skin was almost as loud as I was, as I feel his hands go to my hips. I controlled how fast we went, but anytime I moved down, he’d pull and make the thrust that much better. One hand moved, giving me a quick slap to my ass.

“Junmyeon,” I yelled, leaning back a little, changing the angle. I yelled, “I’m-”

“Go ahead,” He says, one hand moving. I feel his fingers brushing over my clit, making my eyes water.

It felt amazing, the intense wave of pleasure overcame me as he keeps pulling and pushing me up and down, making me ride it out as long as possible. It was amazing, and made my skin almost feel tingling. When I looked back to him, he pulls me up, and I see he’s still hard. I move as quick as I could on my jello legs. Kneeling in front of him, I pull the condom off, wrapping one hand around him, my mouth wrapping around the tip.

“Just like that,” He groans, his body tensing.

I took him as deep as I could, choking before pulling off to catch my breath. My hand working still while I took a breath.

“Can I cum on your face, Babe,” He asks, looking desperate to let go.

“Yes,” I say, “Please, give it to me.”

Those words must have done something to him because the second I was done talking, I felt ropes of hot cum hit my face. I closed my eyes, feeling some on my lips, my nose, even going to my forehead. He yelled a grown, before finally falling limp against the couch.

I open my eyes, looking at him with a smile. I see him look at me, I lick my lips, swallowing some of him release. He smirks, “That’s so hot.”

I smile, “I’d like to clean my face before it dries, though,” I say, guestering to my wrists.

“Sorry,” He says, moving quickly, “I’ll get a rag for you. Just rest and make sure your wrists are fine.”

“Ever the gentleman,” I say with a smile, making him laugh. He quickly moved to my kitchen, knowing where I keep clean rags after spending so much time over. He hands it to me after wetting it slightly. I smile, quickly wiping my face.

“I’d love to do the cuddling, but I’m not sure the couch is the best place,” He says, looking at me.

“I have a perfectly fine bed,” I say, “Which would be much more comfortable. And a perfect place for another round if we want.”

“I had no idea you were like this,” He says, amazed with his eyes wide.

I just laugh, cleaning up the living room before we both move to the bedroom. We make a little stop in my shower first, just to clean up. I took a bit longer, washing the little bit of cum that managed to get into my hair. When I got out, I dry and get as much water from my hair ass possible before going into my room. I see him sitting there, eyes on my t.v as it talks about the mews. I glance, seeing it talk about the Purge happening in a week and a half. I move over, resting my head on him and lacing my fingers with his. “It’ll be ok,” I mutter. “You have me. You’re not alone.”

“I never was alone, but it always felt like I was,” He says, looking over. He smiles, “But this time… it’s different.”

I smile, leaning in a pressing my lips to his in a soft kiss. I understand that. Even with my sister I felt alone. Terrified in the dark for what felt like an eternity. Now, there’s somewhere I can go to be useful. There’s someone who I can help. A difference I can make.

And it’s all thanks to Junmyeon.

#exo fanfiction #exo fanfic #exo smut #suho smut #junmyeon smut #junmyeon fanfiction #junmyeon fanfic

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autisticlaezel · 5 years

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bitter questions asks

I wasn’t actually tagged but I saw @fuckbioware do it and I thought I’d give it a shot

I’m doing this for Dragon Age and swtor.

What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

Smuggler/Corso. Jedi Knight/Doc. Doc/Quinn

Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?

Torian/Bounty Hunter (though only bc my BH is a lesbian and like ten years older than Torian). Vette/Sith Warrior.

Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?

Oh absolutely. The swtor fandom has a lot of “fascism is okay, actually” which is. Not something I want to deal with obviously. The DA fandom has a similar thing with feudalism and blaming oppressed classes for their oppression (mages, elves.)

Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?

LS Jedi/Lana Beniko (I love Lana but. No. No, no, no). Theron/Lana. Koth/Lana. Doc/Quinn (especially because a lot of the stuff I’ve seen with them has Doc continously flirting with a visibly uncomfortable Quinn which. Is in character for him but still fucking gross).

Cullen/Amell. Cullen/Surana. Cullen/Hawke. Cullen/Mage Inquisitor. Cullen/Dorian. You get the pattern.

Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

F!Sith Warrior/Pierce, because of the amount of fic there is out there with the SW revenge cheating on Quinn with Pierce which is um. Gross.

Fenris/Anders. It’s not so much that I hate the concept, as it’s that I hate the execution of it. It’s almost always written as emotionally abusive, and on occasion, physically abusive as well. It almost always paints one of them as like the most terribly evil person to ever exist and the other one as a Sweet Innocent Baby Who Can Do No Wrong uwu.

Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

I don’t think so? It’s made me consider pairings that I wasn’t otherwise interested it, but never made me like one that I didn’t.

Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?

The Hinterlands. Belsavis. The Deep Roads. The Fade.

Have you received anon hate? What about?

Yeah but rarely about fandom. Usually people are just upset that I hate men lmao.

Most disliked character(s)? Why?

Doc. Corso. DS!Jaesa. Lord Scourge.

Cullen. Aveline. Arl Eamon.

Most disliked arc? Why?

Aveline’s personal quest. Sera’s romance quest (imagine thinking that it’s a good idea to force you to walk around and listen to people talk shit about your girlfriend without being able to defend her to progress in her romance).

Imperial Taris. Most of the Jedi Knight Story. With Warrior Alderaan.

Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

Koth Vortena. Satele Shan. Felix Iresso. LS!Jaesa. Ashara Zavros (?? I’ve seen a lot of people calling her whiny and complaining about not being able to seduce her to the Dark Side). Vaylin.

Vivienne. Blackwall (??). Sera. Anders. Merrill. Velanna. Carver Hawke.

Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

I’m not sure? Not that I know of.

Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

Anders was right. Anders was right. Anders was right. Anders was right.

Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

The swtor fandom is generally pretty horrible. It’s full of fascism apologists, people who think that glorifying abuse is Cool Actually, treats any character that dares challenge them when they do objectively evil shit as absolute crap. And that’s just the Tumblr side of the fandom, because then of course there are the dudebros who dress their female companions in slave outfits.

Also people treat healers like shit in PVP arenas.

The DA fandom has a lot of the same issues. There’s also so much homophobia there.

Both fandoms have a racism problem as well.

Unpopular opinion about the manga/show/game?

Inquisition wasn’t that good.

The Jedi Consular story is one of the best ones, the fandom just doesn’t know how to appreciate something that isn’t Edgy and Dark(TM)

If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

Let me be nice to Sera! Let me be nice to Sera!

Forcing Fenris back into slavery shouldn’t have been an option. I know that Bioware RPGs are about giving the player the power to make choices and all that, but that was absolutely taking it too far.

Koth deserved better writing and to not randomly disappear. Where is he Bioware??

Does not shipping something ‘popular’ mean you’re in denial and/or biased?

Um no.

What is the purest ship in the fandom?

Merrill/Isabela. Josephine/Isabela. Leliana/Warden. Hawke/Merrill. Hawke/Isabela. Inquisitor/Josephine.

What are your thoughts on crack ships?

Oh I’m very pro crackships.

Popular character you hate?

Cullen

Unpopular character you love?

Vivienne, Sera, Anders, Velanna, Carver. Koth. Felix.

Would you recommend XXX to a friend? Why or why not?

Unfortunately yes.

Most shippable character?

Hawke, Isabela, Merrill, Anders. Varric.

Risha. Theron. Koth.

Least shippable character?

Cullen. Doc.

And I tag (the usual gang):

@bastilashans @badsithnocookie @theebonhawke @atonerand @codariidoescrimes @micaldisciple @lordmalak @wolfdaddynedstark @sapphicsansas

#tag meme

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littlesugarwords · 5 years

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Walking Dead Game FanFiction - “Party Time”

Title: Party Time Characters: Clementine, Marlon, Louis, Violet, Minerva, Duck, Brody Summary: In a high school au, Clementine, the new shy girl, ends up at a high school party with Duck the jock, Marlon the edgy boy, and Louis the theatre kid. Slowly developing feelings for Clementine, Marlon and Louis scheme to get Duck out of the picture with Clementine remains completely oblivious. The entire time, Violet and Minerva watch everything unfold from the sidelines. Author's Note: This actually turned out so great omggggg I’m so HAPPY with it Requested By: Anonymous support me with ko-fi ♡ ---------♥️♥️♥️----------

Clementine hated parties. More so, she hated the people that were at said parties.

Before she had moved, that was all that kids in her school did: got drunk, got high, repeat. They were never interested in art, or books, or film. Nothing like what she was into. She stuck out like a sore thumb.

She had hoped that Savannah would be different but so far, seeing as she had only been there for a week and a half and already she was invited to a “we won a single football game and therefore need to all get drunk” party, her hope was dissipating quickly.

Unlike any other school she had ever been to, there weren’t set cliques: the cool kids, the smokers, the rocker kids, etc. Instead, here, everyone was mixed in. The average clique had a bit of everything, and Clementine couldn’t tell if she loved or hated it.

Realistically, it meant she had a better chance of finding a group to hang out with. However, the added stress of not having an obvious target group to seek out was daunting. Where did one seek to find their place in a school where everyone already had it figured themselves out?

Within her first few minutes at the party, Clem could tell she was in for trouble. Everyone had already sorted themselves out into their respective groups, and she sat in the middle of a coach, talking to nobody, sipping away at her lemon water like a total idiot.

“Dude, have you seen the new girl yet?”

Marlon could feel his shoulder rattle as Louis jostled it. “New girl?” Marlon groaned, adjusting the earring that the contact had tugged at. Maybe it was because Louis was the school’s prized theater kid, but he had a tendency to be exuberant with every motion. The charm of it was what originally had drawn them to one another, but more often than not these days, Marlon just found it to be grating.

Louis turned, giving Marlon a skeptical once over. “You mean you haven’t?”

Marlon stared at him, brows raised, confused at the weird way he was acting. “No, I haven’t. Can you chill out? It’s just a girl. Who cares.”

“You should and I do,” Louis scoffed, his shirt fabric twinkling under the dim living room lighting. Louis always dressed up when he went anywhere. Theater kids.

His glimmer wasn’t thanks to him alone. The party was hosted at the rich girl’s house — Minerva, head of the art club. Apparently her parents left town for the weekend and put her in charge. It was big news around school that they hadn’t taken kindly to hearing about her girlfriend, Violet, and Minerva made a big spectacle about her “revenge house party” to get back at them.

A high school student body didn’t need a reason to party, but for revenge? As if any of them would say no.

Marlon rolled his eyes. “I’m not interested.”

“In girls? Guys? Or do you mean you’re not interested in anybody?”

Marlon gave him a daring look. To anyone else, the look would be horrifying, seeing as head-to-toe Marlon was dressed like he was out to kill — black jeans, a leather jacket, thick black boots and a chain earring on his left ear — but it didn’t phase Louis. It never did. He knew what a softie the guy was, despite his dark exterior.

“Come on,” Louis groaned. “She’s sitting right there on the couch. Just look.” Flicking Marlon’s cheek, pushing his stare in the right direction, Marlon finally set his sights on the girl of the hour.

He swirled his drink in his palm as he studied her, taking in the awkward way she was sitting on the couch, wedged between a couple making out and a two girls taking a hoard of Snapchat selfies and deleting every one. She didn’t seem comfortable, and she stuck out like a sore thumb in her jean overalls and lemon-print t-shirt.

Despite the flit of his lip — the way it faintly tugged upward as he studied her — he turned back to Marlon and forced his expression to become cold again. “She’s alright.”

Louis scoffed, fiddling with the unbuttoned buttons on his shirt. “Right, I’m sorry, I forgot that you only like girls with three layers of eyeliner and piercings from head-to-toe.”

Marlon shot him a glare.

Louis accepted it. He wasn’t about to act like he didn’t deserve it, but he also wasn’t about to act like he wasn’t right.

“She doesn’t seem happy. How am I supposed to know what she’s like from staring at the uncomfortable way she’s sitting?”

Louis smirked, picking up on every part of his attempted cover-up. His gaze turned back to the couch and his relaxed, teasing body began to stiffen. Marlon, whose focus was stuck to him, shifted to see what, or who, he was staring at.

The couple on Clementine’s left separated from what felt like the decades of sucking at each other's faces. Peeling away, Louis and Marlon could both see that it was the head of the football team - nicknamed Duck - and the head of the debate team, Brody.

“Excuse me?” Brody snapped, her gaze harrowing in on the male.

Duck shrugged, taking hold of her hips as he attempted to tug her closer, wanting to place her back on his lips.

She scoffed, forcing him away harder this time. “I said no, creep. Stop trying to shove your hand down my pants.”

Duck scoffed, waving his hand dismissively. “Come on, loosen up a little—”

Once again, Brody swatted his hand away. “No means no, asshole.” She scoffed, pushing herself to her feet and trotting away, fixing her hair as she went.

Even though they were a decent distance away, and could only just barely make out what the two were saying, Louis and Marlon could very clearly see Duck call her a bitch. Louis scoffed, leaning back into the wall. “What an ass.”

“What else is new?” Marlon scoffed, taking another swing of the event’s cheap beer. Although Minerva’s family had money, her and Violet had a limited budget. The event was purely for popularity. As if they were going to spend decent money to get party-goers anything better than the cheapest beer they could get in mass and frail red solo cups. He groaned as it slid down his throat. It was disgusting, but at least it had the promise of keeping him tipsy.

“Hey guys!”

Glancing up from their drinks, over trotted Minerva, dressed up to the nines, with Violet being pulled along behind her. One of the weirdest parts about Violet and Minerva’s relationship was how polar opposite they seemed, and yet how perfectly they got along. Minerva was always dolled up, and always came to school looking like a Barbie fresh out of the packaging — not a hair out of place, not an item of clothing smudged. On the opposite side, Violet was always late, wore the same outfit 3 days out of the week, and was regularly known to smoke behind the school instead of going to class. Yet somehow, whenever they were together, they fit like the perfect couple.

“Are you guys enjoying the party?” Minerva asked, smile beaming. From slightly to her right, Violet turned to her and smiled, smitten as could be.

Louis smiled. “We are, thanks for hosting Minnie.”

Minnie shrugged and waved her hand, the small solo cup of wine — the least classy thing they had ever seen her with — jostling in her hand. If she was forcing everyone to drink out of solo cups, she was going to as well. That was just the type of person she was. “It’s not a problem. My parents owe me one.”

Throughout their conversation, Marlon didn’t detach his stare from Clementine. Duck, directly at her side, was prowling for his next victim. Marlon could feel his stomach twist watching, and hated what he knew would inevitably occur.

“Marlon?”

Finally, he snapped out of his trance, his gaze dragging from the couch to the girl standing before him. Awkwardly he cleared his throat, turning to Louis for help. All he did was smirk. “Yeah, yeah, the party’s been great.”

Violet turned, peering over her girlfriend’s shoulder and spotting Clementine, staring down at the water cup in her hand and watching it swirl. Violet chuckled. “So, you like Clementine, huh?”

“What?” Marlon scoffed. This would’ve been so much easier if Louis — the socially competent one out of the two of them — would’ve stepped up to help him. “No, that’s not it.”

“Clementine?” Minerva asked, eyeing up Louis. “The new girl?” Louis nodded and gestured behind her and, after swirling around and spotting her, she swiveled back. “Oh her! She seems quiet.”

“She is,” Louis said, nodding. “She hasn't said a word to anyone the entire time she's been here.”

Minerva frowned. “Do you think she’s not having fun?”

“I’m sure she’s just shy, Minnie.” Violet said, jostling her shoulder. “She’s new, she just doesn't know anyone here yet.”

Watching Duck turn, his eyes widening spotting the unarmed girl to his side, Marlon could feel all his relaxed muscles dissipate. “That’s what I’m worried about.” Sensing the attention drift, the rest of their group turned to see what Marlon was analyzing.

Louis, picking up on his friend’s stress, spotted the sight. “Oh jeez,”

“I’m on it,” Violet sighed, patting Minerva on the shoulder and making her way to the couch. Just as Duck was reaching his hand out, ready to tap an unknowing Clementine on the shoulder, Violet wandered up and slapped the male on the leg. “Wrestle me.”

Duck scoffed, eyeing up Violet hesitantly. The two of them had been teamed up on sports since elementary school — anywhere from basketball to badminton — so Violet challenging him was nothing new. But in the middle of a party? That was new. “Wrestle you?” He rolled his eyes. “Come on, Vi. I’m not about to embarrass you in front of everyone.”

Violet felt her eyebrow twitch. Despite being in school with him for years, she still knew he was an ass. “Come on, Duck. Grow a pair, huh?”

That did it, and Violet knew it would.

Duck scoffed, heaving himself to his feet. “Backyard. Let’s go.”

Violet smirked, crossing her arms cheekily and starting for the back doors.

The buzz of the match swept through the living room, and while a handful of people slipped out to watch, Louis and Marlon weren’t some of them.

Minerva sighed. “Well, I guess I’d better go keep an eye on that.” Lifting a hand, giving the two a little wave, she gathered Violet’s abandoned cup and started for the door. “Talk later!” She called over her shoulder.

Just as she vanished, Louis jostled Marlon’s arm. “Let’s go talk to her.”

“Talk? To Clementine?”

“Yes!” Louis scoffed, arms waving, his rum and coke jostling. “There’s no Duck getting in the way, we can finally go and see what she’s like.”

Marlon said nothing, only faintly scrunched his nose and wavered from foot to foot.

Louis scoffed, tugging on his friend’s jacket and jumping down to the now-vacant seat on the couch. There was only the one, seeing as the girls clouding the other side weren’t too interested in watching an unprofessional wrestling match out back, but Louis decided the proximity wouldn’t bother either of them. Hopefully, it wouldn’t bother her.

“You’re Clementine, right?” He asked, speaking before sliding himself down into the spot beside her.

She glanced up, blinking meekly at the two towering before her. As suspected, her shoulders curled at Marlon’s appearance. “Yeah? Do I know you guys?” Her voice was so soft over the music, like it was made of glass. It made Louis want to hold them. It made Marlon, even more so, want to keep Duck and his grimy hands away from her.

“Probably not,” Louis offered with a faint chuckle, watching as Marlon took a seat in front of her on the coffee table, clutching his beer can between his legs. “We just noticed you were sitting all alone and wanted to bring some company. You’re new, right?”

“Yeah,” she breathed faintly. “I just moved from Roswell.”

Louis smiled. “Welcome to Savannah. I hope our classmates haven’t brought you too much trouble.”

Clementine gave a small smile, shrugging her shoulders, her stature loosening given their pleasant conversation. “No, but I think they’re going to be bringing each other a bit of it.”

Marlon gave a faint smile. “Yeah, that’s kinda Duck’s style.”

“Violence?” Clem questioned.

“No, trouble.”

Clementine smiled, a giggle escaping her. Marlon and Louis, although it was only for a flicker, made eye contact. They agreed, silently, that it was the cutest sound they’d ever heard.

“So, have you talked to a lot of people here?”

Clementine’s smile faded slightly. “No, I’m not really great when it comes to putting myself out there.”

“You came tonight,” Louis said with a shrug, tapping Marlon on the knee to back him up. “That’s putting yourself out there, especially in a new city.”

Marlon nodded, swirling his beer can passively. “That’s already a step above a lot of people. Give yourself some credit,”

Clementine’s eyes widened faintly, so faintly that Louis couldn’t see under the dim lighting, but Marlon — the one meeting her gaze — could. “You think?”

Marlon smiled. It was cute how innocent she was when it came to social interaction. “Of course,” he offered, a chuckle escaping. “You’re doing great. You’re talking to us, aren’t you?”

Louis smiled, impressed at how swiftly his friend was taking to her. Although, they both knew that was largely in part thanks to Clementine being easy to talk to and not due to Marlon’s social skills improving. “Yeah,” Louis furthered. “You’ve already made 2 new friends.”

Clementine turned, mouth propped open, as if ready to question the statement. Just as she was about to speak, just as she was about to question if they were being serious, she was silenced.

“Sorry boys, I believe that’s my seat.”

Glancing up, the three spotted Duck, covered in grass stains. His arms were crossed, and his toothy grin gleamed even through the faint lighting. Violet, also covered in grass stains, was standing a few paces behind him being tidied up by Minerva, too preoccupied to notice.

“I believe this is a party, and people can sit wherever they want.” Louis countered.

Marlon rolled his eyes, taking a long swing of beer. Duck wasn’t worth the effort it took to belittle him, but he’d be damned if they were about to give up their spot next to Clementine for Duck to swipe it.

“I called spot check,” Duck claimed, arms crossed.

Louis scrunched his nose. Duck knew Louis was a stickler for party rules. Spot checking? That was rule number 1, and they all knew Louis wasn’t about to break it. With a huff, he shot up to his feet. “Fine,” he scoffed. “Come on Clementine,”

“Oh no no no,” Duck said, his hand latching onto Louis’ shoulder just as he was helping Clem to her feet, and just as Marlon stood to assist in their transition. “She stays.”

Clementine immediately tensed. Even though he wasn't looking at her, Marlon could feel it. “Ease off Duck, she’s allowed to go wherever she wants.” He snapped, feeling a twitch of rage. He spoke about her as if she was a potted plant rather than a person.

Duck scoffed, releasing Louis. “Nice to know that when Marlon finally speaks it’s to show support for feminism,” he laughed. “Nice to see you supporting your own kind.”

Marlon furrowed his brows. Just when he thought Duck couldn’t make himself look like a bigger ass, he went ahead and did it.

“Duck, just knock it off, okay?” Louis scoffed, arms out, pleading with the guy. “We’re all here to have a good time. There’s no need for you to start acting like an asshole.”

“Excuse you?”

Marlon smirked. “Sorry, he meant to say that you never stopped acting like an asshole.” Marlon could tell that one made Clementine’s shoulders tense even more. A part of him felt bad that she was tossed in the middle of all this.

“Excuse you?” Duck asked, leering toward the male. “Rich talk coming from the quiet kid,”

Marlon didn’t flinch, even when Clementine slithered farther behind him. Maybe it would be better for her to just go home. Maybe coming to the party was a mistake. Just as she started for the door, ready to set down her cup and get out, she was spotted.

“Awe, come on girly, where ya going?” Duck called, causing her motions to freeze. “Are the weirdos freaking you out? Don’t worry,” forcing himself between the two of them, he reached out for her. “I’ll keep you awake from them.”

Turning around, feeling a hand creep up on her back and shoulder, Clementine could feel her skin crawl. Could she force him away? Would he listen? He sure hadn’t been listening to anyone else who had been telling him off. What made her any different?

“That’s enough of that, asshole.”

Clementine watched as Marlon jetted his elbow into Duck’s side, causing his grip on her shoulder to vanish. Just as the grip was lost, Louis swept up beside her, making sure to hold his hands out in front of her, demonstrating that he didn’t mean harm. “Are you okay?” He hushed.

Clementine said nothing, she was too worried and shaken. Instead, she just nodded.

It was then, staring at the terrified quiver in her eyes, did Louis realize just how different she was. Just how much better she was than the rest of the school.

At first glance, they’d approached Clementine because she was cute. It didn’t take long for them to realize that she was more than that. She was special. In a city full of stuck up teens, and in a high school that promoted pompous popularity over generosity, Clementine brought a stark contrast to it all.

They didn’t want to flirt with her. Hell, the two of them didn’t even want to date her. They wanted to keep her safe. They wanted to keep her away from the cruel world of high school. As far as they were concerned, they were there to save her.

“Come on Clem,” Louis said, taking her arm and guiding her away. “We’ll take you home.”

“Are you sure?” She asked, voice wavering and fragile. “I don’t want to take you guys away.”

“We don’t care about being here,” Marlon said, whisking the front door open and placing a hand on Clem’s shoulder as Louis guided her out. “We’d much rather walk you home than stay with this mess.”

Clementine’s eyes widened as she was escorted out of the house, one of the boys on either side of her. For the first time since she had entered that night, she felt safe. She felt as if someone had her back.

It was then, as the two guided her down the street back to her home, did she know that Savannah was going to be different from Roswell. Savannah was going to feel like home.

Because finally, finally, she had friends. ---------♥️♥️♥️----------

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fae-fucker · 6 years

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Zenith: Chapter 24-26

Chapter 24

Andi wakes up in a cell, and can you guess what the inside of the cell looks like?

If you guessed it’s VERY DARK, and filled with DARKNESS that settles into Andi’s BONES (Shinsay is very fond of this metaphor, huh?), you need to leave this blog and never come back because you’ve obviously been here long enough to be permanently damaged by all this bullshit.

But you’re also right. It’s very very dark here, you guys.

So basically this whole chapter is Andi and Dex waking up in a dark cell and ... getting up and out of the cell. That’s it.

I’ll include some juicy dumb bits for you though, because what’s a snark blog without snark?

This could have been her life—should have been her life. Locked away behind bars, awaiting the death penalty, the ghost of her best friend the only thing to keep her company.

This might be a nitpick, but “this could’ve been her life” implies that she’d be locked up for the rest of her life. Which I guess would technically be true since waiting for her death penalty would be the rest of her very short life, but it still sounds really weird. It’s like she’s expecting to wait for ... well, years and years and years, when the previous chapters mentioned her sentencing happening quickly.

That familiar wave of fear spiked through her, and Andi wanted to reach for her swords, to slash and slice and tear apart that piece of herself as she tore apart the bodies of others. Death after death, to cover up Kalee’s. To give herself the kind of fate she deserved.

So Andi harms herself? Does she want to seppuku this bitch up? Why else would she want to physically reach for her real, actual swords? Does she want to actually slice at a metaphorical part of herself?

Also, can I just say that this still doesn’t make a lick of sense? “I technically didn’t murder my friend and technically hate the fact that I do think that I murdered my friend, and I will put a soothing balm on the wound of my soul by murdering even more innocent people, but this time intentionally, thinking I need to kill people for some reason even though I constantly mope about how badly I don’t want to kill people!”

Makes ... no sense. This is why her characterization is so bad, Shinsay can’t commit to the “soft, compassionate, uwu bean” side of Andi because that would make her NOT COOL AND BADASS AND WEAK, but they also barely touch the “RUTHLESS MERCENARY” side of her because that would make her morally ambiguous and we can’t trust the reader to make up their own mind about her, can we now? Nor can we write anything that complex but that’s another debate.

Anywhoo, Dex wakes up and fingers Andi in the dark.

She didn’t even flinch away as his fingertips scraped hers and he froze.

Gotcha.

Then we get a ... joke? I think it’s supposed to be a joke, at least. Someone teach Shinsay how to be funny and how to translate comedy into text, please!

“Please tell me this is Andi, and not some love-hungry Xen Pterran carriage slug named Stubby.”

Despite herself, Andi laughed. The massive slugs were gruesome, oily beasts that tried to bed anything with a heartbeat.

If there was anything this story was missing, it’s oily fuck-slugs.

Thank you for that, Shinsay.

Also ... “bed?” Are you telling me these slugs, that seem to be used to pull carriages, take their (dubiously willing) partners ... to bed?

Shinsay, I get that you physically cannot get off SJM’s massive throbbing cock, but you’re not actually writing a faux-medieval fantasy book, ok? You’re writing a SUPER EDGY AND MATURE space opera, with all sorts of edgy violence and references to sex in it.

I don’t understand how bad your cognitive dissonance must be if you can invent rapey fuck-slugs, but don’t have the guts to say “fuck” or even “sex.”

Are you afraid your moms will read this? Is that why this is all so coy and immature as hell?

That’s what gets to me tbh. This book is too inappropriate to really be for younger YA audiences, but it’s also far too childish to be anything but laughable for older teens and young adults.

Dex and Andi have completely pointless banter as they try to get out of their cell. I find it very convenient that they ended up in the same cell, but ok.

Andi sticks out her tongue at Dex after he mildly insults her like a super cool ruthless murderess and not at all like a five-year-old.

We also get several mentions of the fact that Andi’s wrist cuffs can give off light, because I guess Shinsay are very proud of that particular high tech sci-fi invention.

It’s very very very very dark, like SUPER dark, and Dex asks Andi if she’s scared.

She feared a lot of things.

Loneliness. Losing the lives of her crew or damaging her ship beyond repair.

But not darkness. That was a part of her; the very thing that had allowed her to survive for this long.

I had to read that, and now so do you.

The thrill of the moment had arrived.

Without a word, Andi took a step forward, shedding the weakest parts of herself as she allowed the Bloody Baroness to take over.

Let’s wait until Andi becomes all sad and mopey over this again.

Does this woman have ONE consistent personality trait?

Dex followed, and together, they left their empty cell behind.

Are you sure it was empty? And not full of DANK DARKNESS?!

Anyway yeah, it took Andi and Dex one entire chapter to wake up and leave a room.

So this is how you pad your word count ...

Chapter 25

We’re in Dex’s POV. They take care of a couple of guards, and by that I mean Andi does a couple SICK FLIPS and Dex is very impressed.

“Godstars, Andi,” Dex said now as he leaned over to inspect the corpse.

The key looked strangely at home in his eye socket, perfectly positioned in the center, as if Andi had placed it there with an artist’s flair.

Ok, I’ll give Shinsay credit and say that this is reasonably evocative and Dex does admit that the key strangely looks at home in the guy’s EYE, but the “artist’s flair” thing ruins it completely. When you think “artist’s flair,” you don’t think of someone forcefully shoving a blunt object into someone’s eye, you think of a fancy shmancy person doing a little elegant flourish with their hand, like painting the delicate eyelashes of some noblewoman.

Even when Shinsay manages to write something that’s actually rather imaginative, they ruin it by adding more guff that simply doesn’t fit and is only there to slap on more “pretty prose” and make Andi sound awesome and pad the damn word count.

Furthermore, specifying that it’s “perfectly in the center” doesn’t mean anything. If you manage to pierce a person’s eye with a key in the first place, there’s little margin of error, assuming this was a human and not an alien with abnormally large eyes with lots of options for key placement.

If you want to take the absurd imagery of the key “belonging” in the eye further, here’s what I’d suggest:

“Godstars, Andi,” Dex said now as he leaned over to inspect the corpse.

The key looked strangely at home in his eye socket, and Dex felt as if he could just lean down and twist it and open the man’s face like a door.

Dex seems deeply horrified by Andi’s actions for reasons I cannot fathom, seeing as he’s the one constantly bragging about how he taught her everything she knows.

When Andi explains to him that she had to kill the guard to make sure he didn’t sound the alarm and summon more guards, Dex has a really dumbass realization:

As Dex stared at her, he suddenly understood the bare truth.

There was no remorse in her eyes for the kills. Not even a flicker. There was nothing but the promise of the mission pulling her forward.

... Well, doy? How exactly did you expect this to go down, Dexy-Boy? Did you want to talk the guards into silence with your witty banter?

This chapter serves literally no other purpose than to wank on about how cool and remorseless Andi is. We get Dex angsting about how Andi used to feel things very very hard, you guys, but now, the rumors were TRUE, and she was indeed a cold, non-feeling murderer.

Dex asks Andi all deep about how the Bloody Baroness isn’t “just a reputation” and thinks about how badass Andi looks when she’s all stoic and shit.

Andi then tells Dex about her apparently-not-so-secret ritual of carving tallies into her swords, which then makes Dex realize that MAYBE the Bloody Baroness IS a facade and Andi actually DOES have feelings, just like he thought 500 words before this! Rendering this entire internal monologue -- and by extension, this fiking chapter -- COMPLETELY USELESS!

Shinsay, literally what is the whole-ass fiking point of this? Was there progress made? New character traits revealed? No. We ended literally where we started. Nothing new was discovered.

1. Dex thinks Andi still has some humanity left and the Bloody Baroness is just a reputation fabricated by her to protect her and her friends

2. Andi murders a dude, making Dex think that BB is indeed REAL and that Andi has no remorse for killing dudes

3. Andi tells Dex about her tallies, saying she remembers each and every kill, making Dex think that perhaps there is some humanity left and the Bloody Baroness is just a reputation fabricated by her to protect her and her friends

Shinsay, I’m coming to your houses to leave rotten eggs between your couch cushions.

We get this from Andi:

“Two deaths. Two tallies on my swords.” She looked down at the dead guards, then back up at him. A flicker of pain flashed through her eyes. “I have a code, you know. Lines that I don’t cross.”

Won’t surprise me the least if we never find out what that code is.

Dex thinks about how cool and great it is to be working with Andi and the “chapter,” as I’ll generously call it, ends.

Chapter 26

Hey, remember Klaren?

Me neither.

Anyway, it’s year nineteen now and she’s holding baby Nor. Klaren thinks about how her baby -- oh sorry, “babe,” because this book still wants to be fantasy I guess -- is a mistake and how little effort she had to put in to make the king love her.

She’d hardly had to try to entice him. Perhaps, in some way, that meant he was her gift. A man who loved her despite what she was. Despite the past she’d kept hidden from him all these years.

Did this reasoning actually make sense to Shinsay? How can he love you “despite” the past you’ve hidden from him if you’ve HIDDEN IT FROM HIM AND HE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT?!

Who let Shinsay write? I need to find them and have a few words.

Anywhoo, the king is off to war and Xen Ptera is dying and it’s the apocalypse and whatever.

The baby wailed, drawing the queen’s attention. “Sleep now, my perfect little mistake,” she whispered. “Sleep, and remember to dream of the light.”

I guess this is supposed to be deep? Who even knows tbh.

Alone in her palace quarters, the queen of Xen Ptera rocked her daughter gently, a tear slipping down her cheek as she remembered her mission and thought of how little time they had left.

We’ve had a bunch of chapters with Klaren already and I still have no idea what purpose they serve or what their plot is.

#eff reads: zenith

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your-1up-girl · 6 years

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Spider Bites (P.P)

Pairing: Peter Parker x Female!Reader

Word Count: 2003

Warnings: Biting? Let me know if I missed any but this is pretty harmless.

A/N: I was in a social situation (pool party) last Sunday and my friend and I were talking about piercings and this idea for a story came into my head. This is just a small blurb while I work on the next chapter for Dance to Remember. Hope you guys like it. Reblog, like, and leave nice comments if you want. Pic not mine, credit goes to the original owner. Please do not post ANY of my writing on different sites (i.e. Wattpad, Fanfiction.net, AO3 etc.) without my written permission!

Y/N bit her lip, smiling, as she scanned the website of Ruby’s Ink. She had been convincing her Mom for months about getting this done and she was enthralled when her Mom caved in and said she could, as long as it came out of Y/N’s pocket. Obviously, this did not bother Y/N she had been saving any money she got, knowing that her mom would make her pay when she did agree. So rather than doing the assigned math problems (she could easily get them done during her lunch) Y/N and MJ were going through the website to look at all the potential piercings Ruby’s had to offer.

“Those ones are cool.” You said pointing to the picture of black hoops with small arrows on the ends.

“Hmm…No, too edgy. You want something subtle for your first ones.” MJ stated. You valued her opinion, so you kept scrolling down.

“Okay. What about these? Their studs so like…it wouldn’t be too noticeable right?”

“Their okay. I don’t know Y/N, at the end of the day you’re the one that’s going to live with it. It’s really all up to you. What does your boyfriend think about this?” MJ asked, now working on some of the problems on the board.

“Peter doesn’t know yet.” A sly smile crept on your face. “I hope to surprise him, he supports me no matter what. And even if he hates them, he’s gonna keep his mouth shut.”

“Why do I need to keep my mouth shut?” Peter and Ned turned from their chairs now wanting to know more about your conversation. “What are you looking at darling?” Peter tried to lean over your screen to see the site. You were faster however and shut your laptop closed and stuck your tongue at him when he gave a pout.

“Come on Y/N. Can I know what you’re talking about? You know that I support you no matter what. I can still act surprised.” You bit the inside of your lip at Peter spoke, his eyes and slight innocent whine in his voice could make you do anything. But you were strong to keep this one to yourself.

“Nope. Sorry. You’re just gonna have to wait till I get them tonight.” Peter sighed with closed eyes at your persistence.

“Oh!” Ned said, “Are you talking about the…” He gestured to the bottom right of his lip. You nodded smiling.

“Oh, come on! How does Ned know?” Peter yelled, earning a hard look from the teacher.

“He was there when I asked my Mom about it. He promised not to tell you.” You explained to Peter whilst drawing small circles on his left palm with your index finger.

“Dude, I didn’t think you had that in you Y/N.” Ned continued, slightly enjoying the fact that Peter was in the dark and he kept your secret plan for so long. “Your pain tolerance is not very high.”

“MJ will be there, so I can squeeze her hand if need be.”

“Oh, if forgot to tell you that I have a family thing, so I won’t make it.” MJ gave you an apologetic frown.

“No! I need someone to go with me. My mom won’t be any help, she said that she will record me because she knows I will cry.”

“I can go with you.” Ned said. Peter was looking back and forth at each person as confused as ever.

“Perfect! Meet me at my apartment around 7:20, my appointment is at 7:30 and my mom will drive us.”

“Will someone please tell me what is happening?” Peter stood up from his chair as the bell rang and you all gathered your things.

MJ and Ned said their goodbyes as they left the class. You and Peter walked hand in hand back to your same apartment building. Though out the duration of said walk he would not stop asking you—no—probing and interrogating you about your plans for tonight.

“Can you please tell me what you are doing tonight?”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No!”

“Pleeeaase!”

“For the last time no! There is no way you’re getting this out of me Peter. I may tell you everything but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a little surprise in your life every now and then.”

He gave you a playful punch on the side of your arm and pouted once more. “Come on I never keep secrets from you.” You looked directly at him while walking, your face giving the expression that could only say ‘You have GOT to be kidding me right now.’

“Oh yeah, you never ever keep secrets from me. Other than the fact you were fricken Spider-Man for the longest time and fought some of the Avengers before you told me. And, you also told Ned first.” You said that last part through gritted teeth, so no one could hear your conversation. But who were you kidding, people were so involved in their own phones and lives that you could bump into them and not get a response.

“Really? I didn’t tell you because I wanted to keep you safe. And as far as Ned knowing first, that didn’t mean you happen and you know that. He was just kinda…there.”

“Well the same could be said for me.” You replied with a matter-of-fact tone and a smile. Peter, however, stared at you with unimpressed eyes, raised eyebrow, and flat-line mouth

“Are you telling me that you were bitten by a radioactive spider, or any animal with radioactive experimentation, and you are now a superhero running about Queens, stopping bad guys.”

“N-no…but…” Your eyes looked around trying to find the words to rebuttal his claim, but you came up with nothing. Peter smirked, thinking he finally got you to spill the beans. “I’m still not going to tell you.”

“Ple-he-hease!”

After what felt like the longest walk home with Peter and an even long afternoon, 7:20 finally came rolling around. Ned, being a punctual little bean, was there on time and you both got into your Mom’s car, heading for Ruby’s. The piercings hurt like hell but after seeing them, you know they were worth it. Ned was happy to be the pain relief you needed during the experience. After what felt like forever of convincing, you finally had them: Spider Bites.

They were simple silver studs to start off with, but you thought they were the best ones Ruby’s had to offer.

The next morning, after cleaning the piercing with some hydrogen peroxide, you carefully put on deep red lipstick and got in your outfit for the day: a red jean jacket, jean, high-waisted shorts and a black shirt. Finishing it off with your old, beaten up black Converse, you grabbed your backpack and walked to school.

“You look good. Didn’t think you could pull them off but they suit you.”

“Thanks MJ.” MJ and Ned walked with you to your shared classes but when you arrived at first period, Peter wasn’t there. Even when the bell rang, and the teacher began the lesson, Peter didn’t come running in apologizing for his tardiness. The same went for second, and third,

During the last class of the day, and him not responding to any of the texts you sent him. You caught Ned’s attention during the lesson and mouthed ‘Where’s Peter?’ He only gave you a shrug and returned to the lesson. You huffed, slumped in you seat.

Later that night, you sat in bed, pajamas on, drinking a protein shake like the piercing specialist instructed, you couldn’t eat solid foods for a week, so you currently lived off protein shakes, cold apple sauce, and ice-cream. That, and your Mom was out of town for a few days, so you were forced to deal with pain on your own. While you worked on science homework, your phone buzzed.

Oh my god! I’m so sorry!

It was the Stark internship! I promise I’ll make it up to you!

Babe? Are you there?

Y/N?

Y/N!

I’m coming over. Can you please open your window?

In less than ten minutes Peter came crawling through the window and pulled off his mask. He knew you were upset with him as soon as he stepped into the room.

“Y/N I’m so sorry! Mr. Stark, he needed me at short notice last night. I couldn’t get away till right now. I know your mad at me I—Did you get piercings?” He asked pointed at your lips, a small smile tugging at his.

“Yes, I did.” You stated, arms crossed.

“They look so cool! How did you convince your Mom to let you get them? Did it hurt? Did Ned laugh when you got them? That seems like something he would do.” Peter was back to his normal self as the came close to your face and you knew that you were mad for no reason.

“Yeah it did hurt, and Ned did laugh a little bit, but it’s worth it don’t you think?” You sat on you bed and Peter joined you. “Do you know what this type of piercing is called?” You gave him a sly smile.

“No what?”

“Spider Bites.” You turned towards him and he gave you a smirk in return.

“Are they now?” Peter bit his lip slightly, making your heart race and cheeks tint red. “Well, I didn’t realize that you wanted some so badly.” He leaned in closer, lips close to your ear, “If you wanted spider bites that badly Y/N, all you had to do was ask.” He pulled away from your, kissed your cheek and then made his way to your lips. The kiss was more intense than you expected, you pulled back.

“Ah. It’s still sore.”

“That’s okay. I’m here to give bites after all.” He moved the collar of your shirt to gain access to the skin beneath it. Peter began to suck and bite the skin leaving small marks. Every now and then he would give follow a bite with a small lick and continue. You held him close, eyes closed and laughing at what was happening. Peter may hove gotten too into the event because he pushed you onto the bed, you below him as he now moved from the right to the left side.

“Peter!” You were laughing at this side you have never seen before as he growled when you attempted to calm him down. “Peter!” He finally pulled away looming over you, he trapped you between his arms. You gazed up at him, only to be greeted by his cocky smirk. “What’s gotten into you? I get a piercing and you turn into an animal.” You push him to the side and you walk to the full-length mirror in your room. Pulling down your shirt to see the damage he’s done, there is no platonic way to explain this to anyone. Your entire collar area was covered in small red marks. “Peter! My Mom comes home in three days! What am I going to tell her when she gets back?”

Peter laughs behind you still on the bed. “Sorry I got carried away. Can’t you just wear a turtle neck or something?” You gave him a stare that made him suck air through his teeth. “Okay, sorry, it was just a suggestion. But you’re a smart girl Y/N. I know you can figure this out.” He put on the mask and made a B-line for the window before you could process that he was leaving and stop him.

“No! Wait!”

“See you tomorrow Y/N.” He left.

The next day at school, you wore shorts and a sweater that barely did the job of covering the mess that Peter left. You prayed that no one would notice but unfortunately, there was always one person.And of course that one person was MJ.

“What are you hiding Y/N?” She smirked as you sat next to her in history clasd. You rolled your eyes, looking over at Peter, who just smiled and winked at you.

With a sigh, you answered, “Spider bites.”

#tom holland imagines #peter parker fluff #peter parker x reader #peter parker headcanon #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fluff #spider bites #spider-man #spider-man imagine #peter parker #tom holland x peter parker #x reader #avengers

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aleatoryalarmalligator · 7 years

Text

Life Story, Part 39

My father had planned a family trip to Florida, for us and Tammy to come along the summer of 2004. The plan was that we get into a rental vehicle, and we drive out to Portland Oregon, stay the night at a fancy hotel that my second cousin Jason (no relation to friend Jason at school) had a prominent position in, and then fly from there to Florida where my uncle Bob would be waiting. I had never heard of Portland before. I had actually never been to a town bigger than Spokane (though I had been to Florida once before as you may recall, and Florida, by comparison to the northwest seems to rarely become rural and therefore seemed like a town that never ended). And I had only been to Spokane about three times in my entire life.

Tammy was upset at having to leave her kids behind. Her and my father seemed to be having problems, but were trying to make the relationship work long enough to go on vacation. I remember I foolishly stayed up the whole night before we left. Back in those days MTV used to give it's users the option of a personalized page, where you could discover music and connect with other users. It was kind of like a more limited MySpace. Nothing of the sort exists on MTV any longer of course, and I doubt very many people even remember. My new favorite band was Rancid. I would listen to ..And Out Come The Wolves about three times a day. I loved Tim Armstrong. He was my hero. I wanted to be punk, but at the same time I knew it wouldn't be cool to profess yourself as punk, so I wanted others to label me as punk so I could then dismiss that I was punk, therefore proving even further just how punk I really was. At least that was my whole internalized logic on the matter.

I thought I knew what punk was, and I felt like even though I wasn't edgy and punk, I could at least put others down who were less edgy and punk than I but thought they were – for the sake of keeping punk 'pure' whatever that means entirely. I was obsessed with condemning posers. I would go on these absurd rants against 'the posers' all day sometimes. I am sure Sarah, bless her soul, who had to passively listen to countless hours of my concern for the teenyboppers who thought that Avril Lavigne and Hilary Duff were true punk rockers, simply because Hilary Duff had worn a bracelet that had spikes on it for a photo shoot one time was weary of it, even when she chose to agree. In my mind, I was defending some great concept from the end. I wanted to be someone who had strong opinions. It didn't matter if I was able to defend them or not.

The night before heading out to Florida, I was spending so much time watching and thinking about musicians I hated, that I might as well have been considered a fan really – having spent as much time thinking about these artists as an admirer would. I started sending these unnecessary messages to people whenever I could to people who liked Hilary Duff, Avril Lavigne, but also to people who were fond of Courtney Love. I thought she was also extremely trashy, and I did this thing where I compared her to Kurt Cobain and put her down. I would message these people and let them know how shallow and trashy they were, and how they were killing punk and should ashamed of themselves. They would generally jump into a very pointless argument with me, having found the strong need to defend their favs. Somehow, I guess I must have thought I was making some kind of difference. It's such a foreign notion to me now, sending hate mail. I would have to be getting one hundred dollars an hour or more to waste my time pestering people. My only stab at guessing is that I was perhaps displacing my frustrations in life onto something I could attack, rather than all the things that I could not.

I was exhausted all the way to Portland, having stayed up all night embroiled in pointless back and forth between strangers online. I had never been farther than ten miles west of Lewiston in my entire life. So it was a shocking surprise to me when I found that past Lewiston, the world continued. We drove through an endless sea of dry empty Eastern Washington desert and heat. We drove through small towns even more empty and vague than Kendrick, towns like Waitsburg and Dayton. It was hard to imagine places more desolate than the small towns that I hailed from, but these places were even farther away from the cities than where I hailed from, and they were surrounded with nothing but fields for hundreds of miles.

A million years later we arrived in Portland. Despite my bleary eyes,I had never seen such a place and could barely contain gasps of disbelief. Despite my exhaustion, the view of The bridge that separated the east and west side was overwhelming. I had never seen such tall buildings. These buildings and this bridge, though large, are not the stately sky scrapers or bridges you see in New York or Chicago. But having lived in rural Idaho my whole life, the only real bridges I was used to seeing were the rustic kind that went across a roaring creek, or a small river.

I was also amazed to see all the obvious poverty. In Lewiston, there had been a man called The Bridgewalker who had been homeless more or less by choice, and he walked back and forth across the bridge all the time. I had seen him going to and fro for most of my entire life. Unfortunately, in 2001, he was found stabbed to death by someone who never was caught. Aside from him, I had been honestly unaware that there were homeless people that simply had nowhere to go. I had always assumed that the government would prevent this kind of poverty from happening. How could people simply walk past this without having a gut instinct that something in our society was horribly sick. Even if these people were uncooperative or to a degree driving themselves down, that too said something about our society. It was something new for me to contemplate.

We parked our vehicle at some point and walked down the streets. I saw people of every walk in life, including punks. I was fascinated by just how many staples and fliers there were on the wooden street poles. As we went along, a woman fell out of a building in front of us, and was instantly on all fours on the sidewalk throwing up her guts. I couldn't look away, though my father strongly insisted that I must.

The hotel was quite nice. When we went into the hotel, our cousin Jason (whom I had not really ever met) was gracious and brought us to our rooms. As an employee there, he had been able to pull some strings and get us a discount. From our place in high building, we could look down over the whole of the city. As the sun went down, the night lights were brilliant. Portland was a town of energy and decay. It reminded me of garbage that was given new life and in so doing became precious. I had never seen hip hop culture in real life. I had never seen real punks, or an counter culture really aside from a very small amount of hicks who happen to also line up with metalhead.

This stuff is just a day in the life for a great many people. I realize my shock and awe is probably a little bit silly sounding, but just this introduction to a city blew my mind. I felt in my bones that I belonged in a place like this. I couldn't wait to tell Sarah all about it, so that someday we might move to the city to become recognized and earn our place as rock stars. Underneath this big glorious egotistical craving for fame was of course the rage and disappointment of having had a life full of disrespect and abuse. Imagining that in the end, all the losses in my life might make sense made living worth trying. It also kept me distracted as well from the underlying fatigue of missing Zack all the time. I wanted to become a legend. I wanted to be adored and loved by endless amounts of people to make up for all the empty sadness I felt all the time.

In the morning, a tax picked us up and we were on our way to the airport. Tammy and my father didn't seem to be enjoying themselves in the least. I was, however. As we were situating Allison and David and getting our luggage in the vehicle, a homeless man came up to the cab driver in the window. He asked for money, threatening to prevent us from leaving the area until he got his money. The cab driver seemed callous and had a personality naturally ready for any bit of conflict that came his way. The both of them cussed one another out. We all got in the back with our stuff, and as we were leaving I watched the homeless man run after the car and throw a slushy (where this came from I shall never know) screaming obscenities at us the entire time.

The airplane ride over from Portland, to Denver, to Florida was of course fantastic. I had said it before, but air travel is one of my very favorite things in the whole world. I was given a window seat, which I deeply appreciated. We flew all day, and showed up to Florida that night. Its always a shock to arrive in the south by plane. Idaho has extremely dry air. It is very much what I am used to. To me the air is almost unbreathable down south. It's hot and moist and dense. I always go into mild shock when stepping of the cockpit. My uncle Bob and his wife Marty picked us up in two separate vehicles. Marty had been fond of me when I was younger. I had thought in my youth that she was pretty nice as well. However, now that I was older, I soon saw past this. It was her in the driver seat, I in the passengers side. Allison and David were in the back seat sleeping.

Marty apparently could not see me in the darkness of the car. She started talking about how disgusting it was that people dyed their hair. She thought people with piercings and tattoos deserved to die. She then started talking about how even though she liked the south, she wished that most all of the (insert racial slur)'s would go back to Africa, China, Mexico, Israel, Eastern Europe. She talked about how dirty other people were. She literally said she hated all music, blaming it for most of the U.S's problems. That the young people having a sex life made her sick. Marty hated children and had abandoned her own, feeling nothing for them. She was very proud of this fact. I didn't say anything. I didn't know how to make a point back then, and was somewhat used to agreeing for the sake of agreement in the moment, but this was too far. I mostly just sat there – wondering when she would see that I had dyed my hair black and my eyebrow was pierced. Also, I was chubby, and according to her, she honestly wished slow and painful deaths on overweight people – though she herself was a little chubby. I realized very quickly I didn't like her. And the shock on her face when I stepped out of the vehicle and into the home was priceless.

I was set up in a separate bedroom for my visit. I crashed that night after a day of flying, and woke up in the morning in a pool or sweat. They turned the air conditioner off at night. I thought this was very strange. If anything, I find that in places were it is always hot, it is actually much more beneficial to keep the air conditioner on at night instead. I have always been overly sensitive to heat. I realized in dismay that a gel pen I was using to write had fallen out of my pocket. I had been so tired, I had fallen asleep in my street clothes. The pen had leaked all over the sheets I was sleeping on. Ordinarily I would have told someone in the house and apologized, but Marty had seemed so atrocious the night before, I chose not to. It seemed like it would only add to the stress.

Bob was really into music. He had a lot of money, being a superintendent to several schools, and he was able to buy enough to keep several guitars. He had specialty Eric Clapton kinds of items. My father and him messed around with guitars in the music room, but as far as playing the instruments went, nobody in the house was allowed to make a peep, since soulless Marty hated all music. I had troubles understanding why Bob was married to her. Eventually, probably a week later, Marty discovered the spilled ink on her sheets. She also discovered that I opened my bedroom window at night. It was so hot at night I was beginning to feel dizzy, and even the outdoor air was preferable. I guess, though I don't know if this is a fact, if you leave a window or a door open too long in Florida, than some kind of rot will begin taking over almost immediately. At least that is what she insisted. She also exaggerated and said the sheets were three hundred dollars. My father looked them over, and honestly, they were absolutely not that much money. Marty hated me. She took Allison and David aside throughout the trip and told them as much. The entire time, she seemed to find reasons to be upset with my being there, once even shouting at me. My father had to step in on my behalf.

We tried to do fun things everyday. It really felt like Tammy was annoyed most of the time, and my father was stressed and trying to win her over somehow. At some point we went to a flea market. I still have a wraparound that I bought from one of the vendors. I stared longingly at the Buddhist statues and knickknacks on display, and my uncle Bob ended up buying one for me – which I also have kept. I tried to enjoy the ocean again. We arrived on the shores of the Atlantic, and for the second time I couldn't handle it and went crazy. I loved it at first, though I couldn't help but look at a this person who was so tan that their skin was a dark orange brown and get a bit disturbed. I also really wondered how so many people enjoyed being in the same place. I tried to dig after a clam, but with little success, the bugger was too fast. The ocean was also nowhere a person could reasonably swim. And as I looked at it, I began questioning who I was. I became separated from my thoughts somehow, and started sensing the notion that there was not one version of me, but several, all of us looking out at the ocean, and none of us being aware or understanding one another. I started feeling shaky and confused. I felt like the tide was static, and it was the land that was moving back and forth. I became dizzy and almost passed out. I became nauseous. I knew from previous experience that something was actually wrong with me and nothing had actually changed, and after an hour of being separated from the ocean, I felt better again. The ocean and I can never be a match. I have tried looking up what this feeling could be. I guess it's some kind of seasickness or vertigo. But there is this strange psychological element to it that baffles me to this day.

We visited Disney World again. This time we went to Magic Kingdom. I don't remember everything about it, other than there was this 3D movie. They had us put on glasses, and I watched in horror as the Bug's Life bugs on the screen became real, and flew into my face. When one of the bugs began blasting acorns into the face of the audience at one hundred miles an hour, a blast of air from the seat in front of us blew air in our face. They had these choreographed fans, and when the bee flew behind and stung the audience, a pointy object came out from the backs of our chairs. I had had quite enough of this and took the glasses off and closed my eyes.

Most of Disney world was waiting in line. Most of the people seemed unhappy. I was able to get somewhat close to the fantasy castle that I had so dearly wanted to live in when I saw it in pictures as a young child, and I was disappointed to find that the castle wasn't really a castle. It was more or less a prop held up by planks. There might have been some places a person could be in inside the monument, but this was probably for those who worked on or around the castle. I couldn't help but take note that many things I had believed were magical and enchanted as a child were actually very much this way. Though my favorite ride (maybe the only one I really thought much of) was the It's A Small World Ride, which was basically being in a boat that carried you through these intricate vivid surreal settings with these electronic puppets all around you singing and dancing. Randomly the lights would go out and you would drop thirty feet or so. Allison was crying by the end of it.

We also went to the Everglades, and I adored it. There is a unique loveliness to that place that is hard to explain unless you have been there. Dead trees, moss, and living organisms of all kinds were teeming out of this swamp. There was this overfed alligator that laid out in the front of the resort area. It seemed to be overfed with the intention of showing guests just how big a gator could be. I was astounded, but couldn't help but feel that the alligator's life in that small containment was quite unnatural and a little sad. We took a tour on a motor boat that stopped at random places. It was marshy and intricate in detail of twigs and muck. Little alligators and large turtles swam up to the boat. I tried my very best to get a good photograph, and my father had to hold me back from getting too close to an alligator for the sake of a decent picture. After the trip, which I wanted to do again, but couldn't, we went into the restaurant and I ended up breaking my vegetarian diet and eating alligator. I remember liking it, though nothing distinct about it comes to mind.

My father wanted to go to the Florida Keys with Tammy, and we wanted to see my older sister Maria, who also lived in Florida. We didn't exactly, want to, but I hadn't seen my niece Jasmine in a very long time, and now I had even more nieces and nephews. Florida is strange in that you seem to be able to drive from one side to the other with a relative amount of ease. We drove a few hours to this other part of Florida. This part was really rugged it seemed to me, and beaten down. The buildings looked to be falling apart and neighborhoods far more seedy. There was a lot more graffiti on the walls of businesses, and a fair amount of small loan businesses and places of that nature. Florida wasn't all resorts and sandy beaches.

We found Maria's house and were dropped off with the promise of getting picked up in a week. This ended up being one of the most unpleasant weeks of my life. The place was run down and garbage was everywhere. There wasn't very many decent places to sleep or sit. The couch I was sleeping on was soiled and gross. There wasn't really any food, though there was enough. Maria made hamburger helper every night. And the family all watched either cheap infomercials or this bad tasteless comedy called Stuck on You, about conjoined twins. Everyday I found myself bored out of my mind, wanting to be anywhere else. It was always hot, the carpet was sticky. Jasmine was five now, and I did enjoy being around her. Ian was two or three and he seemed to be a bit more of a handful, and Chantelle was just a little baby, with a particularly pretty face, which I don't give that compliment lightly. Babies can be cute, but they often aren't pretty.

In order to get by mentally, I ended up spending several dollars on Ben and Jerry's ice cream at this nearby corner market. By this time in my life, I was eating a lot, and it would be dishonest for me to underplay it. I was eating two or three of those small five dollar containers a day while visiting Maria. Ordinarily, I never had the money to buy snacks, but given my situation and the feeling of being trapped, I felt I really had no choice. I ended up spending around eighty dollars on ice cream. It was one of the biggest amounts of money I had ever had in my pocket at any one time, and that is what I blew it on. I really regretted it. So in order to make up for this, when my father finally came and got me – which felt like years later, I lied to him about where my money went, and I told him that I spent it on food for Maria, since her and her kids seemed to be starving. He felt badly about my martyrdom and reimbursed me. I had also eaten so much ice cream that I had made myself disgusted even at the site of it, and it was almost two years before I would partake in eating it ever again.

I wish I could say that my favorite thing about Florida was Disney World or the beach. The Everglades were close. But to be honest, we went into a department store and I found Radiohead's 'The Bends'. It's something I could have found at home in Idaho, but the new setting, the new kinds of trees, weather, and overall tropical nature of Florida brought this album to life somehow. I might be one of the only people in the world that feels on instinct that The Bends is a tropical album in any way. I spent most of my time in Florida listening to The Bends over and over again on my headphones with my portable cd player. My greatest memories were of listening to this album on repeat, while watching the world shower with rain.

I kept thinking about Zack, somewhere out there. And I thought very hard about the promises he made to me before he left. He had promised me that he would come get me one day, him, Melissa and I, and we would escape. I wondered very seriously where people could ever go to escape truly, as it seemed that there was a homogeneous undercurrent to the world, regardless if you lived on one side of the globe or the other. And what was there to escape? What was it we were fighting against exactly? He seemed to doubt the legitimacy of everything, and had been paranoid about the government in all it's forms. So really, could there be such a place?

I have no idea of the details behind all the days that Tammy and my father were gone, but they seemed miserable with each other when they arrived to pick us up, and for the remainder of the time, it only seemed to get worse. Eventually, Tammy seemed to befriend Marty, and the two of them started openly talking badly about both my and my father. I knew something was up, but it was hard to put my finger on it. And there were moment where my uncle would look me over, and I felt kind of strange about that as well. I didn't want to think that he was being a pervert, but I had some indication to believe that he may have been being one. He was also being very accommodating and friendly. He burned me the Beatles Anthology 3, which is my favorite Beatles album. He gave me a small acoustic guitar as well.

The last days I mostly stayed indoors in the overheated room that I could no longer cool down by opening the window, else the spores of fungi come in and take over the entire house. My CD player ran out of batteries, and there was no available opportunities for me to go get more. So I mostly laid in bed all day and watched all of The Tenth Kingdom – which I found a copy of somewhere in the house, and hours and hours of the Ricki Lake Show. I felt gross. And everyone was angry at one another. It was hard for me to leave the bedroom without one of the adults making me feel weird.

On the last day, my father came into the room. He sat me down and told me that Uncle Bob and Aunt Marty were willing to keep me. Basically, they felt that I was a lazy teenager who needed a kick in the boot, and having me stay there with them would be a bit like bootcamp for me to reform me – change me from a bad teenager into a good one. They were willing to pay for me to get the schooling I needed to catch up. They might have been willing to even pay for my college if I stayed long enough. They would set me up in one of the rooms and I could have things that I never even really thought about having since they were so far out of reach. My uncle had money after all. They also wanted to get me into the habit of doing a lot of chores. I felt very strongly that Marty was hoping to turn me into a maid that she could ridicule whenever she wanted.

With the reality of the situation at hand, I told my father I would think about it, and I did. I wanted a new life away from Kendrick, but the pain of Ava and Zack was still very much a part of my daily life, that seemed like it would never go away and was always staring me in the face when I woke up in the morning. I wanted to stay close with Sarah, but most of the time it was hard to do much with her. She slept till four in the afternoon and rarely left the house unless it was night time. And most of the time she just wanted to sit at the computer and talk to people on the CKY forums talking to her online friends. This might have been a chance for me to be a new person. The money was there at least.

But I couldn't help but remember my uncles strange way of looking at my chest, and then just thinking of living with my wretched racist aunt. Something felt very wrong about it. Not to seem totally shallow, but it never made much sense to me how Bob was married to Marty. She had female baldness, a squinty mean face, this strange shrill voice that was constantly criticizing and angry, and most of the things she said were horribly racist and disgusting. She was honestly too horrible to even get a job. Whereas, my uncle didn't share any of her values, had a fancy job, looked pretty normal and seemed very bright and talented. He had paintings he had done all over the house, and they were amazing. They seemed to have nothing in common. So why did they want me to be a part of it? Like, both of them were willing to keep me around, but with both of them it seemed to be for entirely different reasons. Marty wanted to beat down a young woman since she felt this cruel vindictive urge to do that sort of thing to someone else seemingly all the time, and my uncle wanted to shower me with gifts – and look at my chest(?)

I had this strange hunch about the situation, and I could think of many scenarios that seemed horrific, that involved good cop, bad cop, blackmail and guilt, possible molestation, and ultimately two sociopathic people looking to destroy my spirit. This might be a very unfair assessment and the ravings of my own mistrustful imagination. I realize it might shock and horrify my uncle who might have honestly felt he was trying to do right by me. I am being honest writing this now in a way I never really have been too often about the situation. Because really, nothing happened. I am going purely on small microexpressions and notions that I was given. After a week of being home, I declined. My father seemed relieved. In doing this, I might have turned down a free education, a possible grand future, but it seemed wrong on instinct, and if for no better reason, I could not imagine calling Florida home. It seemed wrong to leave Sarah and Zack if nothing else. As hard as life was in Idaho, I couldn't simply deny my destiny there. And even for all the problems I had, I would have missed my own father, whom I could at least trust to never look at me inappropriately.

On the plane trip home, I was disappointed that I would be getting a middle seat instead of a window. Allison took the aisle seat next to me. At first, nobody seemed to be taking the designated seat by the window in my lane, so I held out hope that the person would not arrive. As I sat there, a very large woman boarded the plane. She was the largest woman I had ever seen. When I call her fat, I don't mean it as an insult. It was simply and truly the case that she was so large she could barely walk. And her seat was right next to mine as the window seat.

There really was barely enough room for her. We both got up for her and let her get in her seat. She seemed extremely uncomfortable. I got this strong feeling that she was actually terrified. People were looking over the seats in front of them just to get a look at her. I didn't want to be rude either, but her girth was such that she was spilling into my seat, and there was really almost no room for me. I could not really operate the video screen in front of me to watch anything, since her fat had spilled over the armrest with the buttons on it.

We started flying and when we reached a level altitude, as is the custom, a flight attendant served us Sunchips. She accepted them, but I noticed that as she was eating them, she started crying. I felt so horrible for her. I didn't know anything about her life at all in any way, but I really had this strong sense that whatever had brought her onto an airplane had to be really traumatic. And I could tell that she knew that her fat was spilling over onto my lap. She was humiliated. As uncomfortable as I was, with this close of proximity, I really could understand that this was causing her serious fatigue an distress and misery was so much worse. The plane ride was several hours. In that time, without having any window to look out of, being trapped between Allison sleeping against me, and her on the other side, I was stiff as an uncomfortable board. She continued to cry for a good many hours. The minor bit of turbulence made me feel kind of sick. It was not a fun plane ride home.

However, I will say that this trip made me really think about what it means to be that heavy in the world. I was able to get a grasp of the humanity of her situation in a way I may never have been had I not been thrust into this circumstance. Sure, I have always been somewhat more or less heavy myself – but not on that level. For her, there was no escaping just about every technical and societally negative aspect for this woman who clearly was suffering and simply wanted to be able to be treated with dignity. It's an uncomfortable situation that I think many people would have gone home laughing at, if they had been in my shoes – because most people, if I am going to be honest, are not very kind. Her experience was something nobody should have to go through with. And people her size should not have to pay for an added seat. It's dehumanizing. There should be seats that are designed for people like her, and she shouldn't have been forced to put herself in a situation where she was humiliated like that. And when a few years ago, that Nicole Arbor 'Dear Fat People' video came out on YouTube, I really thought everything that was said was horrible and vicious. I couldn't help but feel like Nicole Arbor was targeting this woman that I sat next to a decade previous.

My father and Tammy ended up breaking up when we got home. By the time we were on the plane, Tammy was saying she felt sorry for me that my father was Dave. I listened to her awkwardly. I guess Tammy had been pregnant, had not told my father, and had chosen to get an abortion instead as soon as she got home. Or something like that, I am not entirely sure of the time scale of this situation. My father was an angry sobbing mess, feeling that Tammy had somehow aborted his baby – as he is pro-life. He wasn't quite so adamant that this was a case of murder, as he has at least the vague notion that abortion isn't exactly that simple. But he was upset. He tried to visit Tammy here and again, but eventually they were done, and another potential stepmom was out the door.

And that more or less was my trip to Florida. It cost my father over eleven thousand dollars, which seemed unreal to me. I never told him that my favorite part had simply been listening to The Bends on my headphones while watching it rain, an experience that had only cost me a mere 14$.

PART 38 - http://tinyurl.com/ycr7la8q

PART 37 - http://tinyurl.com/y8trssqd

PART 36 - http://tinyurl.com/y9ygq9q8

PART 35 - http://tinyurl.com/ya5xhe2f

PART 34 - http://tinyurl.com/yc6y4p69

PART 33 - http://tinyurl.com/y87449dz

PART 32 - http://tinyurl.com/ycetanep

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PART 30 - http://tinyurl.com/ybht9aul

PART 29 - http://tinyurl.com/ybfcr9j2

PART 28 - http://tinyurl.com/yagdlo47

PART 27 - http://tinyurl.com/ydcj5fgf

PART 26 - http://tinyurl.com/y73nvl73

PART 25 - http://tinyurl.com/y6v6pgoj

PART 24 - http://tinyurl.com/ycak5d8r

PART 23 - http://tinyurl.com/yac6sk3g

PART 22 - http://tinyurl.com/yat6cfnw

PART 21 - http://tinyurl.com/y783egno

PART 20 - http://tinyurl.com/y8jskymt

PART 19 - http://tinyurl.com/rfhbms8

PART 18 - http://tinyurl.com/ycrznrwk

PART 17 - http://tinyurl.com/y77unlng

PART 16 - http://tinyurl.com/yadpsv8c

PART 15 - http://tinyurl.com/yb3lt6k5

PART 14 - http://tinyurl.com/yb4cfedq

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PART 12 - http://tinyurl.com/yc79mw94

PART 11 - http://tinyurl.com/yc9qhj84

PART 10 - http://tinyurl.com/yb734w24

PART 9 - http://tinyurl.com/yc2t6vfw

PART 8 - http://tinyurl.com/ybl37utq

PART 7 - http://tinyurl.com/ybvo283g

PART 6 - http://tinyurl.com/kbc9dwu

PART 5 - http://tinyurl.com/msnz4am

PART 4 - http://tinyurl.com/k9x8esg

PART 3 - http://tinyurl.com/mwp9atx

PART 2 - http://tinyurl.com/lbt6xq2

PART 1 - http://tinyurl.com/l8xbvg8

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