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ryndicate · 1 year

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ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ A Drop in Time

Fate does not grant death to the weary.

Vampire!Megumi x reader (fem body/pronouns)

notes: me looking at my notes for the next chapter and grinning. i cannot begin to tell you how fun it's going to be. thanks to my beta reader once again! this chapter is a bit shorter than the last but it is v important to moving the plot forward! and yes we actually speak to Megumi in this one im just gonna get that out of the way right now lol.

warnings: vampire lore drop! nothing else that I can think of. Enjoy!

By expanding, you are consenting to viewing adult/dark content, and all warnings listed above. 18+ Minors DNI

Blog rules/DNI

⋆⁺₊⋆ Ch. iii. ☪︎ Masterlist ☪︎ Series Warnings ☪︎ Ch. v ⋆⁺₊⋆

You have odd, hazy recollections of food and water passing your lips, but nothing is clear.

You feel groggy and unfocused when your eyes finally open and don’t immediately close again. Sitting up is not a simple affair, your back aching and backside sore. You must have been asleep for some time. Your arm still throbs, but it’s duller than you’d expect. You glance down at the bandaging and resist the urge to peel it off and inspect the wound. There’s no way of telling how much or little it’s healed; the risk of aggravating it to sate your curiosity isn’t worth the pain that could follow.

You give a curious stare at the small fireplace on the opposite side of the room. You’ve heard warnings of not lighting fires underground. No one else is here with you, and you don’t know whether to feel relief or unease; before you can decide the door scrapes open.

Satoru slips through the doorway and his eyebrows raise at the sight of you sitting up. “Lambkin is finally awake, is she?”

You don’t answer him, picking at the cloth of your covers, eyes downcast.

He crosses the room and seats himself at the edge of the bed, noting the way you shift away from him.

“I’m here to remedy a mistake I made,” he begins with a grin, one that quirks in annoyance when you speak before he can continue.

“Why aren’t I dead?” you ask dully. “Did the prince die anyways? Did you fail to heal your master’s illness? Does that mean– does that mean I can go home?” Your throat is thick with unshed tears as a wave of longing and hopelessness crashes over you.

Satoru is silent as your shoulders shake, tears starting to streak down your cheeks, and you don’t dare to look up to see whether his beautiful face spells amusement or disdain. You can’t bear him right now.

“Allow me to explain your purpose here, Rumi,” Satoru says gently.

You hate that he’s making an attempt at comfort, even more so that it’s working. Your tears ease, and your hiccups slowly settle before you blink watery eyes up at him.

“It was never so that you would die here. You are Prince Megumi’s fated match.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“It means that you are priceless now.”

“I don’t know what that means!”

Satoru huffs in annoyance. “I’m trying to tell you that you are safe. Your life is promised.”

“Satoru, you’re making it worse. Again.”

You look to see Megumi standing in the doorway and your breath catches. He looks so different now. His skin seems to have life in it, his hair looks like black silk, and the way he walks as he steps into the room is filled with a power you don’t want to think too deeply about. He’s leagues away from the deathbed you last saw him on.

“Rumi.”

You shudder as he says your name, but you can’t stop yourself from meeting his eyes. They’re a softer, deeper green than your horrific memories supply to you. Focused, intense…but calm. There’s none of the anger you expect; nothing insidious, nothing that should make you feel like a mouse in front of its hunter, but you still can’t relax.

“Satoru did nothing to explain why you were brought here,” Megumi begins.

“Taken.” His lashes flutter as he blinks in surprise at your interruption. You have no spine to back up your words but you say it again anyways softly, eyes averted. “I was not brought, I was taken.”

“Right. You were taken here because that night in your village, I discovered you as my blood match.”

“What is a blood a match?” You finally look at him. He’s sporting an annoyed expression that seems at home on his regal features.

“You humans would like the word soulmate,” Satoru cuts in with a cheeky grin.

Your mouth falls open in surprise, but before you can speak Megumi gives a low curse. “Those two things are not comparable, Satoru! You know this. Stop trying to make a mess of things.”

Eyeing the prince warily, you wait for him to take a deep breath and continue. “A blood match means nothing more than my immortal body happening upon the perfect source of sustenance. So perfect that it will never accept anything less than perfect ever again as long as I draw breath. I fell ill because I was not aware a match had been made, and I suffered the misfortune of consuming lesser blood. Thankfully, Satoru figured out where the match occurred, and that is why you were br—taken. He had to.”

The more he speaks, the more you feel darkness crushing in around you. As transparent as his words appear, something within you whispers that he is hiding something. You choose to believe it. “This cannot be real. There is nothing about this in the texts!”

“This is one of our race’s most sacred bonds.” Satoru crosses one leg over his knee and rests back in the chair. “It’s not for humans to know and make a mockery of in those ridiculous books you humans pray to.”

“Satoru, quiet.” Megumi glares him into silence before turning back to you. “I would like to formally apologize for the manner Satoru showed you on the way here. Had I been of sound mind when he left I would not have allowed such treatment.”

“I don’t believe you,” you whisper, clutching the blanket closer, covering your shoulders as if you could hide yourself from them. The bottom line is that he is a vampire. Sense requires that you reject him without reservation. “I don’t believe any of this. I won’t. What you’re saying is impossible. What you’re saying means…” I can never leave this place.

The prince sits quietly and waves Satoru down when he stands sharply from his seat.

“I understand that this change is new and strange. Unsettling. But it is inexorable. As much as I wish otherwise for the both of us, I can do nothing to change this and neither can you. We must submit to fate.”

“This is your fate, not mine!” you spit at him with a sudden ferocity that you didn’t know you possessed. “I am not one of you, I do not need this match, and I don’t need you! I would sooner die than be raised as cattle.”

Satoru is soft, eerily calm in his words as he reprimands of your outburst. “Do not speak to him like that, lambkin. Do you need a reminder of what I’m capable of?” Your body shudders in recollection and you shrink away from the taller vampire, but Megumi rises to meet him.

“If you cannot remain silent, then leave us. I will not say so again.” When Satoru sits again, Megumi sits on your bed at your side. It takes every ounce of will in your body to not scramble away, but you find the courage to meet his eyes.

“I have no intention of treating you like ‘cattle’, as you chose to put it. You will live well here. You will be treated kindly, and Satoru will learn his manners. You will live in excellence and want for nothing I am capable of providing for you. In exchange, you simply must provide for me. I have no other choice in this matter. Starvation is not an option for me.”

“For you? Is it an option at all?” you ask, quiet and filled with spite.

“It has been chosen by others in the past, yes. But for me, I choose to live,” Megumi returns evenly. “I have obligations that must be met. I’m trying to make you see sense, Rumi. I would rather you choose this to make it easier on yourself. But if you choose to force my hand, then so be it, because there is no other way. I cannot allow myself the death you demand of me.”

“So,” your throat warbles with emotion that you can’t hold back, wet frustration, “You want me to choose to stay, but you won’t let me leave?”

“Yes.”

“How is that any different than being cattle, or your prisoner if you so hate the word?” you demand, voice cracking as you begin to inch away from him.

“How is it not?” Megumi’s eyebrows furrow, and a broken part of you wants to laugh at the frustrated confusion on his face. His form leans towards yours denying your retreat inch by inch, but the intense focus of his gaze makes you wonder if he’s even conscious of his approach. His emerald eyes are burning. “I’m offering you a comfortable life, one without end that would hold very few discomforts. Why wouldn’t you choose this? Why make this harder than it must be?”

He’s opening his mouth to say more but your heart has closed to him, exhausted of this nightmare, of the way he speaks down to you no matter what scrupulous intent he might think he has. “If you really have to ask such a thing…then you are more of a monster than I thought you were.”

Whatever he was about to say dies on his tongue at your whispered words. Megumi grits his teeth and his eyes harden into a stony glare that has you trembling in fright. Though his demeanor has turned sour he says nothing to reprimand your insult, his head whipping to the side to pin his gaze on the walls. He exhales sharply through his nose, and then he speaks. The words that follow point in the same direction, towards the stone, as if you were beneath even that.

“You are not permitted to leave this room. In a few days I will move you somewhere better suited. Food will be brought to you, and no one will come near you but Satoru and myself until I have selected a trusted pool of servants. I will come to f—to visit—at least four…” He glances at you speculatively, his eyes trailing up and down your form. His lips tug down. “Three days a week.”

A whimper tugs its way up your throat. You try to kill it, but what little sound does escape sounds even more pitiful than if you had done nothing.

“It seems we’ve overwhelmed the little lamb. Maybe we should let her rest.”

You give Satoru an empty glare that he does not even bother to receive, his icy blue eyes settled on his lord. A bitter and sinister feeling rears its head within you as you wish once more that you had been successful when you shoved him from that cliff. After all he has put you through, what little he could be held accountable for is to acknowledge you. But he does not look your way as he waits for Megumi to speak, so instead you turn your back on them and settle back down into the bed, pulling the covers as high up as you can without covering your head, though the urge to do so is strong. Your actions grant you their attention and despite how you felt just moments ago, as everything said settles into your mind, you suddenly want nothing more than to escape their shared gaze burning into your back as Megumi quietly agrees to retire.

Thankfully after a few more moments of silence their steps finally retreat towards the door. Neither bid you goodnight. You wonder if it even is night. It’s impossible to tell the mark of the sun so far beneath the ground, and you wonder if you’ll ever see the sun again.

The door closes behind them with a finality that you feel in your bones, but as much as you wish to let yourself fall to the relief of sleep something in you bids you to sit up and swing your legs from the bed to the floor. You can feel right away how stiff your legs are, swallowing a groan of discomfort as you rise. You move carefully towards the door, your poor legs doing their best to bear you after what feels like days of no use. As you grow closer, you realize you can still hear their voices. They seem to be conversing, rather heatedly.

You press your ear closer and listen.

“You heard her. She will never agree to such a thing. And if he discovers her, then there is little I can do.”

“Maybe you ought to consider wooing her, prince.”

“Unnecessary. I have no interest in her affection, I simply need her here.”

“And at the moment she has no interest in yours, but what human makes such a change in their lives—willingly—over mere friendship?” Megumi doesn’t answer and Satoru continues insistently. “Show her love. Make her want to stay. Make it so she cannot imagine life without you, that death is only a worse fate because she would no longer be at your side. You don’t have to mean any of it, but you must make show. It is fair strategy.”

“Do you understand how tedious of a lifetime you are asking of me? To enact such a farce? And until when? Time does not move among us so fleetingly,” Megumi demands in a sharp hiss. “And when she discovers such a theatric? What then? This is no solution.”

Satoru counters promptly. “If she doesn’t choose this, if you cannot make her choose this, then for you, my prince, time is finished altogether. I will not allow that.” His voice has taken on a manic tone that you well recognize. It chills you to the spot, forcing you to listen even when the mere memory of his magic has you aching to return to the sanctuary of your bed. Your mind turns to static as Satoru continues to insist upon his stance; if you weren’t so exhausted you know you ought to be taking his words to memory, but it is so. You want to rest. It’s only when the prince cuts his advisor off that your mind returns to you,

Megumi’s voice becomes icy and you wonder at the prince himself that he does not cower nor balk from an entity like Satoru. “I have heard your counsel. I am done speaking of this. I will hear it no more.”

You slink back to your bed and silently pour out your misery into the pillows. Your fingers twist into them in horrified realization and your heart almost shatters as you come to realize that your mother's pelted blanket is no longer the softest thing you've ever touched. You can't help but wonder just how much this place is going to steal from you.

a/n: ch. 4 and we talked to our ML!! Are we proud of me yet?

Reblogs and kind comments incredibly appreciated <3

#megumi x reader #megumi fushiguro x reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk series #series::ADiT

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theteablogger · 8 months

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The First of Many Warning Posts

This is another extract from the timeline. The rather lengthy, bulleted analysis of Andy's response to an anon about the warning post doesn't actually appear in the timeline--I'm including it here so I can link back to it later.

February 25, 2013

Tumblr user F makes the first warning post addressed to the SPN fandom with regard to Andy, in response to an anon ask that refers them to Abbey's and Colleen Doran's blogs. F sends Andy a couple of private messages regarding these allegations, and when they don't receive an answer, they publish a response to the ask in which they include links to the posts the anon mentioned, as well as some other references, and suggest that people read them and draw their own conclusions.

Andy gets aggressive with F, referring to the content of the warning post as "scandalous allegations" that need to be removed or made private. He claims not to have received F's messages, chastises them for not calling him instead, and tries to get them to take the conversation to Skype or phone. F refuses, finding it disturbing that Andy has immediately asked for "personal, offline identifying information" from them, and says that any discussion between them will need to occur in public space. They later publish a message from Abbey and direct readers to her blog.

Andy responds to an ask about the warning post. In this instance, Andy doesn't tell many outright lies, but he does bend the truth quite a bit and ignores facts that are inconvenient for him. Taking it point-by-point:

While Andy's primary goal has never been to con money out of people, he has obtained or extracted money from others under false pretenses when there was a promise of an immediate (albeit intangible) reward, or when he couldn't cover his living expenses on his own. For example, he convinced Turimel to use her credit card to pay for LotR actors from New Zealand to fly to the US for a convention that he knew wasn't going to happen. That money wasn't for Andy, but the purpose was to demonstrate his power and influence to the Bagenders and other BoE members by bringing celebrities directly to them. Another instance would be his lying about a heart condition during the DAYDverse era in order to motivate people to pay for him to travel to visit them, to spend more on commissions from him, and to give him money "for heart medication" or other medical needs.

Four words: hiding in plain sight.

The crazy things that people say about celebrities have absolutely no bearing on the things people say about Andy, most of which are supported by years' worth of evidence and testimony from former friends, roommates, and followers.

The extent of Andy's openness has been to deny everything that his detractors couldn't prove at the time, to remain silent about everything that hadn't yet been uncovered, and to blame the rest on mental illness and a host of other excuses. The bit about his medical history may be referring to his status as a trans man, and he's correct that that should never have been an issue in the first place.

Similarly, Andy is correct that some of the information being circulated about him is false. "Some" does not mean "all" or even "most". By now, Abbey, Diamond, and Little Sam have all spoken out about his actions from 2002-2007, and Abbey has corresponded with at least a couple of DAYDians. Turimel and Fandom Wank are no longer the only resources available and the truth is coming out.

Andy is once again trying to hide behind the trans issue. He's also brushing a lot of stuff under the rug by claiming that all of his abusive behavior took place between six and ten years before this post. And then he throws up a further distraction by calling F a transphobic hypocrite.

Yes, Andy has been investigated by police more than once and has never been charged with anything. Things may have been different if charges against him hadn't been dropped in 2004. In any event, never having been formally charged with a crime doesn't mean that you've never done anything wrong. For example, not getting pulled over and arrested for DUI doesn't make it okay that you drove home from a party while drunk.

Colleen Doran said in one of her posts that she and Andy grew up in the same area and attended the same schools. She apparently was making an assumption that he'd attended public school, but he was actually homeschooled. Andy is not lying about that. This is one of his favorite points to mention when asserting that his detractors are just making shit up and have no idea what they're talking about.

Here, Andy is suggesting that nine years of pretending to channel fictional characters, celebrities, and innumerable original characters was just roleplaying.

Again, the accusations against Andy are not all as old as he makes them out to be here, and saying that they're "inflated" is meaningless without being specific and offering evidence that this is the case.

There are plenty of lies, half-truths, and wild exaggerations on Andy's tumblr and even in this post.

Andy used to say the same thing in the DAYDverse. He was just posting fanfiction and fanart; how dangerous could he be? And yet quite a number of people suffered emotional, psychological, and even physical harm as a result of his actions. While he was manipulating and abusing Abbey, Diamond, and Little Sam, he joked about what a terrible cult leader he would make because he wasn't getting anything out of it—while he was literally their cult leader. This is just another means of hiding in plain sight.

Andy finds it inconvenient that some people feel the need to make his history everyone's business in order to enable other fans to make informed choices about whom they want to befriend.

CFC also posts a lengthy defense of Andy, hitting the same notes that he does in his post, with specific examples of things he's done for her and repeated insistence that Andy's demanding a call via Skype or phone is not creepy. They have obviously discussed this and he's given her some helpful talking points. She then publishes an anonymous ask that is clearly written by Andy. Specifically mentioning Abbey's "degree in psych and gender studies" is a tell, as are lying about Andy's age when they met, collapsing the timeline, and blaming Abbey for Andy's own actions.

In a subsequent post, Andy praises another Tumblr user for deleting their reblog of F's warning post. He validates them as "a good person" and writes off F and anyone else who reblogs the post as a wanker who only cares about gossip. He even throws in his old favorite catchphrase, the "pitchfork mob". Significantly, Andy suggests that F is actively harming SPN fandom, and Destiel fans in particular, by making them look irrational at a time when they're reaching out to the showrunners—as if to say that when Destiel doesn't happen, it will be all their fault for not shutting up about his past so as to make the fandom appear to be harmonious. He magnanimously offers validation and forgiveness to anyone else who chooses to delete their reblogs, and suggests (nonsensically) that this person's deletion might somehow have caused more rumors and wank if he hadn't said anything.

Finally, in this post, Andy links to his prior two statements and to CFC's defense of him. He posts his phone number and Skype name again and promises answers and honesty to anyone who is willing to call him. He insists that he doesn't care about "fandom popularity", which is true in a way. It has never mattered to Andy how many people follow him or are part of his inner circle; what matters is the level of influence he has over individuals, the things he can persuade them to do or say or believe, the amount of attention and adulation they give him, and so forth.

While all this is going on, Andy reblogs a few posts that he thinks are relevant to the current situation. Among them are the post assuring people that the DAYDverse isn't a cult, a post that portrayed Abbey (anonymously) as an internet predator who took advantage of poor Andy, and one of his posts about how it's wrong to criticize him because he's just trying to help people.

#andythanfiction #thanfiction #andrew blake #andy blake #timeline

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unlimitedhorsepower · 1 year

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i mainly blog about media interests i have but i actually care a lot about politics and yknow common human decency. i own two cats, and i owned my late finnhorse mare for over a decade. i miss her and still love horses a lot.

i allegedly study cultural anthropology at an university and used to study equine masseusing and art. however im kinda just surviving on disability pension rn. feel free to ask about anything else, i love talking!

right now ive dedicated this blog to t&b ryan goldsmith for funsies but i like various things. more than you could imagine

queue posts once per day and i basically only queue things unless im actively making new posts

i make a bunch of posts that i dont tag at all. good luck finding them bc i sure fucking cant find them. some posts i just end up deleting anyways

i rarely go into any tags bc i have brain fungus but if you wanted to show me a post by sending it to me i would probably love to see it!

i dont usually follow back bc of the aforementioned brain fungus and instead skim through the latest things on the blogs of ppl interacting with me (if you wonder why i reblogged something from you randomly)

even if i dont reply in the case i get really busy irl etc, i still always read everything sent to me, every single reply, tag and ask!

my art tag: #gabriels doodles

wildly varying quality/effort

i do take requests if you want to try your luck in my ask box

my art-only blog, where i only reblog finished-enough art (im so slow at writing captions ill put my art on here one day for real): @limitedhorsepower

other miscellanous tags & fun facts about me:

#ryanyurikeith

the sun, the sky and the moon with extremely congruent life issues... its so deep and their themes go perfectly together

#gabriels ouroboros kings

barnaby & ryan & keith (side platter of ryan/keith)

the sternbild royalty (king of heroes x2 and the wandering gravity prince) as antagonists.

theyre all part of ouroboros for different reasons, but more loyal to each other than the organization for various reasons

#gabriels salaryman heroes

ryan/yuri/keith mainly, self-indulgent joke about high school romance tropes in an office building

more fun facts about me:

as you can see i have a few different T&B AUs that i may post about or just totally forget and never make content for again despite them being perfectly mapped out in my mind but i love to share facts about them

if you ever interact with me here and thought that my answer didnt make sense, it was probably just that my brain (ADHD&co.) actively works against me and i may make really bad typos or straightup forget to type half of the words in a sentence. but hey. i did my best. never be afraid to ask for a clarification though

i also genuinely suffer from being overtly verbose (again... my brain...) and please dont feel pressured to read something if i sent you an extremely long DM reply or made a really long-winded reblog or something. i just communicate like that but i dont mind if you cant read it LMFAO.

my long sentences makes me seem really serious sometimes even when im not but im very friendly i promise!

and let me know if my typing is hard to read, i can switch to proper capitalization and punctuation if needed

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wrenhyperfixates · 3 years

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A Kiss at Midnight

Pairing: Loki x reader Summary: At Tony’s New Year’s Party, you notice Loki is upset. He’s hesitant to tell you what’s wrong, but when he finally confesses, the coming year suddenly seems so much brighter. Warnings: mainly fluff with just a tiny bit of angst A/N: Happy New Year everyone! May it be filled with nothing but love and joy. Thank you all for supporting me. I’m looking forward to producing even more content in the coming year! Enjoy :)

Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant @lunarmoon8 @twhiddlestonsstuff @lokistan @thelokiimaginechroniclesficrecs @gaitwae @whatafuckingdumbass

Disclaimer: Gif not mine

Yet another party was raging on around you. There had been far too many this past year, in your opinion. At least this one wasn’t just because Tony was throwing it on a whim. No, tonight was New Year’s Eve. Even so, you would argue that the music was blasting just a little too loud, and everyone was shouting just a little too much. Maybe those were directly affecting each other, you thought with a small laugh.

You glanced over to where the God of Mischief, your best friend, was standing, looking rather glum. After having made the rounds, you were on your way to the corner he had sequestered himself in. If there was anyone who disliked these parties more than you, it was Loki. Too many people, too many glares, he would tell you. It made your heart break a little more every time. Despite your best efforts, you’d only found one reporter willing to write an article on Loki in a positive light, and they only ran a small, though considerably popular, blog. Everyone else just seemed to think it too much of a risk. All these depressing thoughts brought a frown to your face as you approached the god.

“Darling, is everything alright?” he questioned once you reached him. “Are you feeling ill? Or perhaps it is just this blasted party?”

“The second one, I suppose,” you chuckled. “I’m more worried about you, though. How are you doing?”

It still always took Loki aback for a second when you asked him something like that. He smiled at you and took your hand, running his thumb over your knuckles. It made your heart skip a few beats. Yes, he was your best friend, but you wished he was even more than that. But he needed this friendship, you knew, and you wouldn’t take that from him if the feelings weren’t reciprocated. And let’s face it, it was unfathomable that he did return them. After all, you were just you, and he was a literal god. You pushed the thought out of your mind as he replied.

“Oh, same issue as you, really. You know these parties are not really my speed,” he said, wrinkling his nose. “I must say, however, that they are far more bearable when you are by my side. Dare I say, even enjoyable.”

You giggled a little as that beautiful glint you loved returned to his eyes. “Then perhaps you’ll indulge me and join me for a dance?”

“I suppose I will,” he sighed in mock exasperation. “But only because you asked so nicely.”

Still holding your hand, he led you to the dance floor. Of course, as soon as you made it there, a slow song began to play. Just your luck, you thought, though you weren’t sure if it was good or bad. On the one hand, you were getting to dance with your crush. On the other, it was a painful reminder that was all this was; you weren’t actually dating the beautiful god.

You shyly smiled up at Loki, afraid you were about to make a fool of yourself. Knowing he was far more graceful than you, you let him take the lead. Your right hand stayed clasped in his left, as his other hand guided your left one to his shoulder before settling on your waist. He gently tugged you closer so that your chests were pressed together, your head naturally dropping to rest on his shoulder. It seemed to surprise him that you didn’t mind being so close, but once he got accustomed to the idea, he placed his head atop yours. It was a perfect moment, and you pushed all your anxious thoughts out of the way so you could just enjoy it.

“Thank you, Loki. For dancing with me, I mean,” you said as the music stopped, lifting your head but standing just as close. “That was amazing.”

“Thank you, too, darling. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I do not suppose you would want to stay and dance again?” he asked, uncertainty obvious in his voice.

Before you could answer, Peter came pushing through the crowd, calling your name over the constant noise. You gave Loki an apologetic look and pulled away to greet the boy as he reached you.

“The foosball table is finally open!” Peter exclaimed. “Mr. Bucky is just finishing his game with Mr. Rogers, and then it’s all ours. Oh, and hi Mr. Loki. Do you want to come too? You can play the winner.”

“That is alright, spiderling. I will skip, but thank you for the generous offer. You two have fun.”

“Ok. If you’re sure,” you said. You squeezed Loki’s hand one more time before leaving. “I’ll see you later, ok?”

He nodded his head and walked in the opposite direction Peter led you. You sighed, assuming that he went back to his corner. Was it bad you already missed being held against him? Probably, but you couldn’t help it. Maybe if you were lucky, he’d still be in the mood to dance again later. Even if it wasn’t another slow dance, maybe he would hold your hand as he spun you round the floor.

After three games of foosball with Peter, two of which you lost, you got a couple Shirley Temples: one for you and one for Loki. Unfortunately, he wasn’t where you expected him to be, and your eyes scoured the room to find him. It was like he had disappeared. Then you spotted the door to the roof and were struck with the gut feeling that you’d find him out there. Still holding the drinks, you pushed the door open with your back. Your eyes immediately landed on Loki, his arms leaning on the railing as he stared off to some unknown point in the distance.

“Hey,” you said, offering him a glass, which he accepted with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. You leaned back against the railing, too. “I was looking for you. What are you doing our here?”

“Just taking a break from the crowd, I guess,” he replied with an unconvincing shrug. “How did your game go?”

“I lost, but it was fun.”

“That is good.”

“Yeah.”

You lapsed into silence, some unspoken issue in the air between you. The last thing you wanted to do was pressure Loki into telling you what was going on, but you could see something was wrong. It upset you that he didn’t trust you enough to let you in, but even more than that, you were upset that he was going through anything in the first place. Instead, you decided to focus on something positive.

“Here’s to another year of friendship,” you said, raising your glass in a toast. “I look forward to it, Loki.”

“Yes. Another year of...friendship,” he echoed, halfheartedly lifting his drink, too, though you could tell he was doing his best to be more enthusiastic.

“Ok, that’s it. Tell me what’s up. You know you can trust me with anything, right?” you asked, laying a hand on his arm.

“Yes. After all, it is like you said; we are friends.” He practically spat the last word, and you involuntarily flinched away from him a little, feeling bad when a look of hurt danced across his features. “I am sorry, darling. I should not have lost my temper. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Maybe so, but something’s wrong. I know you didn’t mean it, but I also know that something is bothering you.”

“Oh, darling.” He set your drinks down on a nearby table and cupped your cheeks. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

“You were just yourself, Loki,” you replied, putting your hands on top of his. “That’s what you did.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he reopened them, his blue-green irises bore deep into your soul. “If I confess something to you now, do you promise to tell no one else?”

“Loki, of course. Your secret’s safe with me.”

His eyes searched yours for another minute before he backed away from you. Your hands dropped to your side as he paced a little. You already missed the contact. He was still obviously on the fence of whether or not he should tell you whatever was on his mind. You nervously rocked back and forth on your heels as you felt his own palpable anxiety in the click click click of his shoes on the floor. Suddenly, he stopped in front of you and stared at you for another moment more.

“I am in love with you,” he blurted out, visibly cringing at his lack of eloquence. He took a deep breath and tried again. “What I mean to say is, well, what I said. I am in love with you. And while I value your friendship more than anything else in this world, I have come to desire more.”

“What?” you gasped in utter disbelief. “Loki. I don’t believe this.”

“It is ok if you do not feel the same,” he said, taking a step back. “Nothing has to change if you do not want it to. But, please, I do not want to lose you completely.”

“No, Loki,” you hurried to fix the misunderstanding. You took a step forward so that the distance he’d put between you was gone. “I don’t believe it because I do feel the same. I just never imagined that you did.”

“You truly do?”

“With all my heart.”

At the same time, you both moved to close the gap between you, kissing each other with a passion too long hidden. As you stood there, two hearts becoming one, you could hear the people inside begin the countdown. You pulled away, eyes shining and lips red.

“I propose a new toast,” you began. “To our new relationship in a new year. To our love.”

“To our love,” he echoed again, much happier this time. “Forever and always.”

“Forever and always.”

As the countdown reached its end, you and Loki kissed again, sealing the promise you’d made. Here with Loki, you knew one thing for sure: This was going to be a good year.

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 3 years

Note

I don’t get you, CJ. Why are you so quick to throw around the term “bad writing” when you don’t agree with something? Why not simply chalk it up to having different likes or dislikes than other people and move on?

Instead of deconstructing characters you don’t like, why not use your platform to empower other voices and highlight others with different tastes or opinions than you? Different people notice different things about the games. That’s one of the nice things about fandom.

You clearly love writing and analysis, but when you post answers to asks that hold different opinions than you’re own, you often go “you’re valid, but…” and launch into paragraphs upon paragraphs of your opposite opinion rather than truly exploring theirs.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I think your blog and analyses would be stronger if rather than dismissing plot points or characters as “bad writing” you step outside yourself and ask others what they see in that writing since it’s not connecting with you.

To be fair, anon, I don't get me either.

But I hear you, so if you'll allow me to do the thing where I launch into paragraphs upon paragraphs, let's talk about this.

I assume this might've come about because of the recent Violet talk here? Or maybe it's from older posts, I dunno, you didn't specify so I can only speculate and use the Violet posts as the main example here.

So here's the thing... deconstructing characters and storylines is something I enjoy doing. Hell, it's one of my favorite things to do. It doesn't matter if I like or dislike the character, or if I agree with plot directions, or if I think it's "good" or "bad" writing. That's how I work things out for myself, how I try to understand why I'm feeling the way I am about certain characters and story elements. I break apart the different aspects of these things and analyze them so that I can improve the content I create and try to avoid the same mistakes I've come across that I wanted to be better.

When it comes to me tossing around "bad writing", or just implying it, I'm not trying to say that "bad writing = trash, garbage, unenjoyable, anyone who likes this is a dingus, how could you?" it's more "I see flaws here and I want it to be better, I know it can be better and it frustrates me that I can't fix it," y'know?

And I'm fully aware that other people might not see it that way. With that basketball Violet post, I know that a lot of the Violet crowd are gonna read that and be like "no, I love the bell tower scene! It fits well with her character! What are you talking about?" and that's fine, I expect that. That post was me writing something that's been on my mind that I wanted to share, it wasn't me trying to scold anyone for liking it or trying to dismiss their feelings about it.

When it comes to differing opinions, especially on Violet, I've come to the conclusion that we just gotta agree to disagree. I've tried for years at this point to understand the appeal of Violet and gone looking for answers about her in hopes of being enlightened, and I have asked around.

In the past, I have made posts inquiring about what people see in Violet [Minerva, too] and why they prefer Violentine, and I got little to nothing in response. So I totally get where you're coming from when you say I should ask others what they see in the writing that I don't, but there's only so much I can do when no one is willing to answer me. So, I have to look around myself.

I've searched through several threads on reddit and none of them have been insightful, unsurprisingly.

That's what sparked my mini-rant about Louis before. On reddit, a lot of the answers on why people like Violet are either "she sided with Clementine, she's just really sweet deep down, she has more trauma, and lesbian," or "I like Violet more because Louis is a traitor," and what the hell am I supposed to get out of that, y'know? They're not really telling me anything, they're just looking to argue among themselves and I've had to throw in the towel on that one.

I've had better luck here, having read some truly insightful posts about Violet, her arc, and her relationship with Clementine. The conclusion I've reached it that the things people find appealing about her are things that I don't.

If you need an example, we'll use the aftermath of Marlon's murder when Violet turns on the group to defend AJ. Every post from the Violet crowd I've read that talks about that scene praises her for turning against her friends/family to defend AJ when they were gonna attack him, it shows what she's willing to do for them, that's something that drew them to her. Then there's me, who sees that as adding unnecessary aggression to the situation when none of them were going to attack AJ, they weren't looking at AJ, and none of this is helping. Neither of these interpretations are wrong.

Guess what I'm trying to get at is I'm one person, and having discussions takes more than one willing person.

Moving on, "when you post answers to asks that hold different opinions than you’re own, you often go “you’re valid, but…” and launch into paragraphs upon paragraphs of your opposite opinion rather than truly exploring theirs."

I've thought about this for a while, and maybe I do actually do this but don't realize it. I like to think that I'm engaging with the ideas that people send me, but I dunno, maybe I can be dismissive of things because I have a hard time being objective. That's something I've always struggled with, and I'm sorry if I ever came across as dismissive or didn't fully explore ideas, that's something I can definitely get better at.

As for "why not use your platform to empower other voices and highlight others with different tastes or opinions than you? Different people notice different things about the games. That’s one of the nice things about fandom."

I've done character nights, ship nights, season nights, etc. for about two years, give or take. That's what those nights were about. Usually, I'd put up a poll and we'd all vote on what we wanted to discuss, and then the floor was open for anyone to give their input, and we'd discuss.

I stopped doing them a little while ago because I was burnt out on themed nights. Remembering to make new polls, setting aside part of my weekends to spend hours answering asks the best I could, usually dealing with other projects on top of it all.... it may not seem like it, but god, those nights took a lot out of me. I loved doing it! Having those discussions were some of the best parts of running this blog, but now my new job has me working 40+ hours a week, four days with ten hour shifts and occasionally some overtime on the weekends, I just don't have it in me anymore to do it every single weekend. Not with how tired I am and with all the other projects I'm working on.

That's why I've started testing the waters with these shorter posts of me throwing out ideas or going on mini-rants. They're something simple I can do with no pressure, just me with an empty document getting whatever's on my mind out... and it helps that it feels like my last fuck has just flown away to the heavens to weave itself into the boat god's beard like as he sails among the clouds and stars..... so now I'm gonna talk about whatever I want and the fact that it's my opinion is implied.

I'm sorry if I'm coming off as a little defensive with this part, I tend to get that way whenever people tell me what I should or shouldn't do with my blog, even if they're just trying to be helpful and I don't believe you have any ill intent with your message. I've had this blog for three years now, and I've always had people telling me I shouldn't do character analyses, I should stay in my lane, just write fanfics and do character nights. I should answer more asks otherwise people will think I don't care. I shouldn't write headcanon posts, that's what other blogs do and I'll be taking content away from them. I shouldn't write that one au I've always wanted to because I should be working on [with you]. I shouldn't write anything but [with you.] I shouldn't talk about Violet because I'm a Louis blog.

And that's dumb. All of that is dumb! No one owns the concept of headcanon posts or character analyses! Just like how I don't own the concept of character nights!

Again, my last fuck is lost in Kenny's beard, I don't have it anymore. I'm going to write and analyze whatever I want, when I want, and the best I can do is promise to be better. My inbox is open, I'll try to answer and engage with you guys when I can, I'll keep doing these posts where I ramble about whatever topic is on my mind, and I shouldn't have to put a disclaimer of "This is all my opinion and it's okay if you disagree, I'm not trying to invalidate you" because that's implied.

Before I close out this long response, I do wanna add a thank you for the ask, I do appreciate the constructive criticism. Usually anons that have any problem with me after I talk about Violet will just call me a piece of shit and tell me to delete my blog. Maybe this helped you, maybe it didn't, either way thanks :)

#asks #twdg clementine #twdg louis #twdg violet

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make-me-imagine · 3 years

Text

Submission by @thebookbakery; this is their first published fic, so I hope you guys enjoy it, and let them know what you think!

—–

Bruce Banner (MCU) x Female!Reader (sorry…)

Warnings: Reader with mental illness, so much fluff, code green (but dw, Hulk is a softie)

Marvel Taglist: @aquariuslavenderhoney

Fic Written by: @thebookbakery

Go check out their new fic blog @trashywritestrash !!!

—–

Bruce’s POV

I shove my head in my hands, closing my eyes in a desperate attempt to calm my mind; even though I know it’s pointless. My thoughts have been bouncing around all day, leaving me unable to focus on any task for longer than thirty seconds. Even as they run circles in my head, my thoughts keep making their way back to her.

Y/N has been avoiding me for the past four days. But, to be fair, it’s not only me that she’s been avoiding. Wanda and Bucky noticed it too, but when I asked, they told me to let her come back in her own time. I understand why they would say that; but it’s getting increasingly difficult to hold myself back from knocking on her bedroom door. I’ve never been the type to be that direct- especially when it comes to women- but these past couple of days have been driving me to my wits end. I thought I was just worried, like any good friend would… But that’s not it. Tony’s daily ritual of annoying me while I try to work made me realize that I’m not worried I did something wrong.

I miss her.

Normally, she would come into the lab with enough coffee to kill a horse and sit with us. She would occasionally help me with an equation or grab Tony some tool he needed- but Y/N mainly stayed to keep us company. She’d join in on jokes and keep us from losing our minds to an unfinished project or a lack of sleep. I miss having her sit on an empty desk and read my screen over my shoulder. I miss seeing the sparkle in her eyes when we’d explain what we’re planning next. What I miss most is simply hearing her laugh at something I said. It’s nice. Knowing that Y/N enjoys my company. Or, at least, she did.

I have no idea what time it is, but it must be late. The compound is dead silent, and it’s pitch black outside. Suddenly, I can feel the other guy clawing at my brain, trying to take control. My head feels as if it’s splitting open, my eyes watering as a searing pain shoots from my temples outwards. The reflection of my face on the desk shows green veins appearing.

Oh no.

Y/N’s POV

I feel nothing but the cool water lapping at my ankles. My mind has been almost blank for the past week. This isn’t new, it’s basically a routine by now. Every once in a while, my head will empty, save for a few thoughts here and there. I won’t feel emotions, and when I do, they are so watered-down that I wonder if they’re real or if it’s just a reflex I’ve picked up after faking it for so long. When I get like this, I hide. I stay in my room, only leaving when necessary. I speak in short sentences, if at all. They don’t need to see me like this. I’m not fun, I don’t speak up, I sit on the couch and zone-out the whole time. Words will go in one ear and out the other, leaving only a small trace behind. I don’t want this version of me to be all they can see.

So here I sit with my feet in the pool at three in the morning because I can’t fall asleep. The pool is my usual choice on these nights. If anyone has a nightmare, they’ll go to the kitchen or the common room. No one comes out here. Especially not at night.

I take steady breaths, keeping myself calm. My eyes drift shut as tears slip out and land on my pajama bottoms. I lift my hand to cover my mouth as I sniffle, not wanting to make noise. The worst part of this is that I don’t have a reason for crying. I just feel like I need to get it out.

As I wipe my tears away, I hear movement behind me to my left and quickly turn. Years of spy training and paranoia helps in the reaction time department. My eyes widen.

“Bruce?” Loud footsteps approach and I realize that isn’t Bruce. The large green figure steps closer, dropping onto the ground beside me, “What are you doing out?”

“Hulk heard pretty girl cry,” He mumbles, not wanting to be loud. Y/N wonders if he’s being quiet out of courtesy or fear.

“I’m okay, big guy. But what about you? Are you okay? Did Stark do something stupid again?” He gives a small shake of his head.

“Y/N cry.”

My chest tightens slightly, “You… you came out just to check on me?” Hulk hums in agreeance, looking down into the clear blue water of the pool. “That’s sweet of you.”

After a moment of silence, Hulk glances over at me. When our eyes meet, he looks back to the pool and gently slides in, careful not to splash. Although he went slowly, Hulk is so large that the water overflows and spills over the edges of the tile. It soaks my bottom, but I don’t care; it’s just water. I give him a smile as he steps in front of me, “What are you doing?” the depth of the pool makes him slightly shorter than me, causing me to look down the tiniest bit to see his face.

“Pretty girl still sad,” he answers simply. I huff out a laugh.

“Why do you call me that?”

“Hulk think Y/N pretty,” Hulk looks down, like he’s nervous.

I roll my eyes with a soft chuckle, “Well, you need to meet more people,” he looks back up at me.

“Puny Banner think Y/N pretty too,” my eyes widen slightly.

“Really?” I feel my face heat up, but I try to keep calm. I don’t want to get my hopes up. So, what if he thinks I’m pretty? That doesn’t automatically mean he thinks of me as anything more than a friend.

“Yes,” I take a moment to collect my thoughts before Hulk asks, “Why pretty Y/N so sad?”

After taking a deep breath, I explain, “Sometimes… my mind goes blank and I- I feel kind of empty?” Knowing he’s probably confused, I elaborate, “Do you remember that shell I showed you? It was small and pink- you called it fragile.”

His eyes light up a bit as he nods, starting to get it, “Remember how I told you that a crab used to live inside of it, like a home?” Another nod, “Well… I kind of feel like a shell without a crab. It’s empty, and it just sits there until it’s useful again. When I feel like that, it’s sometimes hard for me to feel happy.” Hulk seems to get it but doesn’t say anything. Then, suddenly, he goes underwater. I watch curiously as he resurfaces, cheeks puffed out full of water. He looks up and puckers his lips, spurting water from his mouth like a roman fountain. And for the first time in the past week, I laugh. It’s quiet, subtle, but it’s real; and it feels good. Hulk sees and smiles when he’s done. Looking at him now, in this moment, it’s even harder for me to understand how people could be afraid of him. Hulk may look big and scary, but he’s a sweetheart.

“Y/N happy?” I couldn’t stop my smile if I wanted to.

“I am now.”

He looks excited, “Hulk make Y/N happy?”

“Yes, you do,” He smiles wide and steps forward, setting his head on your lap. He’s so precious. Carefully, I slide my fingers into his sopping hair, gently massaging his scalp. His eyes fall shut as he stays where he is. I’m completely soaked now, but I couldn’t care less- the incredible Hulk himself is snuggling me like a puppy and it’s adorable.

I don’t know how much time passes like this. Eventually, Hulk pulls away with a frown, “Puny Banner want out.” I reach out to cup his cheek, causing him to lean into my touch with a content smile.

“That’s okay, isn’t it? You can see me again soon.” I use both my hands to pull his face closer to mine, allowing me to place a small kiss on his forehead. He nods slowly.

“Bye-bye pretty Y/N,” And with that, he begins shrinking. I move my hands under his arms so that Bruce doesn’t drown as soon as he wakes up. When he’s back to normal, he immediately shoots up and looks around frantically.

“Bruce- it’s okay, you’re okay! I’m right here,” he calms down and leans his arms against the edge of the pool to hold himself up.

“Oh my- Y/N! Are you okay? Are you hurt?!” He begins looking over me for any injuries.

“No, no, I’m okay. He didn’t hurt anyone,” once he relaxes some, he places his head in his hands. Bruce didn’t move far after transforming, so he’s still close enough for you to comfortably place your fingers back into his hair.

“Y/N… Are you okay?”

I sigh, “Bruce, I promise you, Hulk did not hurt me,” he tenses slightly.

“I wasn’t talking about him…” I get the message and remove my hand from his hair.

“I’m sorry. I was playing with Hulk’s hair before, but I shouldn’t have assumed that you’d be okay with it too,” he looks confused. “You’re two different people with two different opinions. Just because he likes something, that doesn’t mean you like it too.”

“Actually,” Bruce looks down in his attempt to hide a blush, “I, uh… I do kinda like it. It feels… It feels nice.” I smile softly and nod, continuing the motions I was using on Hulk, getting a very similar reaction.

Bruce opens his eyes and looks up at me, not speaking until our eyes meet and are locked for an amount of time that is probably too long for ‘just friends’.

“Are you afraid of him?” I shake my head no, “Why not?”

I hold back my giggles, “Because you’re both big babies.”

His eyes widen slightly with curiosity, “What did he say that would make you think that?” The laugh escapes before I can stop it.

“Let’s see… He came out just because he heard me crying and wanted to check on me, then he called me pretty. After all that, he spit water out of his mouth like a fountain to cheer me up,” Bruce smiles softly, but it falls as he thinks on the words.

“Wait… What did he call you?” He sounds nervous. I was hoping he’d overlook that, but I guess I’m not that lucky.

“Hulk kept calling me ‘pretty girl’ or 'pretty Y/N’,” suddenly feeling shy, I continue, “He’s actually really sweet when you get to know him…” My voice trails off as I worry if I said too much. I know Bruce doesn’t like talking about Hulk, especially right after switching back. However, he only seems to blush at my words.

“Did he- uh, did he say anything else?” Bruce is looking down at his hands, fidgeting nervously like a child who is afraid he’s going to be yelled at. As if the skies finally clear on a cloudy day, I get an idea as to why he is acting this way. Against my better judgement, I speak up.

“He said that you do too… That you think I’m pretty, I mean!” I press my lips together tightly, trying to form a seal. Maybe if my lips fuse together, it’ll finally get me to shut my mouth before I make a fool of myself rather than after. Alas, it doesn’t work, “Hulk probably only said that to make me feel better though, so don’t worry.”

Bruce tenses up at the mention of that. I open my mouth to apologize, but he beats me to it, “No, he didn’t. I- um… I do… think that you’re pretty…” His face flushes beet red and he refuses to meet my gaze. I slowly inch my hand closer to his until they are on top of each other. Carefully, he interlocks our fingers, obviously still scared that he might hurt me. I give his hand a gentle squeeze, causing him to look up.

“Thank you.”

We spend the next few minutes in total silence, staring at our joined hands and appreciate how calm this moment is. No missions, no aliens, no Loki, and most importantly- no Tony. I don’t think either of us could do this with him teasing us the whole time. Bruce moves his hand and, for a second, I’m afraid he’s going to pull away. Instead, he holds both of my hands in both of his, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles lovingly.

“Y/N, would you… Would you like to go to dinner with me?”

I quickly- probably too quickly- nod, trying to conceal my smile. After realizing how desperate I must look, I pull myself together, “I’d love to, Bruce.”

His eyes shine in the moonlight as he smiles wide. Keeping his hands in mine, I pull them up to my face and plant gentle kisses on his knuckles. We just stay there, blushing and grinning like idiots as we bask in the comfort that comes with not being alone. No words are spoken, but they don’t need to be. I look into his eyes and I can feel the warmth and love radiating from him. And I will do everything in my power to show Bruce that I trust him and Hulk. That I am not afraid of him and never will be.

Tony’s POV

“Did I just see that right?” asks Steve as he stares in disbelief at what we just witnessed.

“Do we need to get you bifocals, grandpa? I knew you were old, but I didn’t think your eyesight was that questionable yet,” I quip as I slide my phone back into my pocket.

F.R.I.D.A.Y alerted me as soon as the code green began. I woke Steve on my way to where the big guy was, but when I saw what was happening, I held Cap back. Y/N has a special effect on Hulk, we all know it. This only proves it. Steve scoffs at my comment, but I don’t care, it’s about damn time Bruce talks to her. Y/N is good for him, she makes him happy… They both deserve to be happy, to feel loved. If they can do that for each other, who are any of us to call it dangerous.

Steve looks back at them through the sliding door, “What do we do now?”

Bruce looks so happy. He’s never happy after going green. We can’t see Y/N’s face from this angle, but I can only guess how she must feel right now. For being a couple of Earth’s mightiest heroes who kick ass for a living, they seem content. Peaceful even.

“We go back to sleep.”

168 notes · View notes

ironwoman359 · 4 years

Note

Trust issues with Virgil and Patton?

@badthingshappenbingo (read my specific rules for taking these prompts here)

Prompt: Trust Issues

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Summary: At a rescue/rehabilitation center for victims of human experimentation, Patton attempts to build a rapport with the newest patient.

Content Warnings: Fear, mistrust, past trauma, implied human experimentation.

Word Count: 1,336

Read on AO3 here

Bad Things Happen Masterlist

---

“How is he today?”

The grim look on Logan’s face was all the answer Patton needed, and he sighed. He placed the tray he’d been carrying on Logan’s desk and stepped around him to peer at the monitors his partner had been studying. They showed a video feed of a small but comfortably furnished room that looked empty at first glance, but Patton knew what to look for. There! In the corner furthest from the room’s door, a small, dark figure was huddled in a ball. Even through the video feed, it was clear that he was shaking.

Patton’s heart ached at the sight, and he wanted nothing more than to swoop in and pull the poor thing into his arms and promise him that everything would be okay. However, given his previous reactions to anyone trying to touch him, Patton knew that would be a bad idea. Still, he wasn’t going to just sit on the outside and observe anymore.

“I’m going to bring him his food today myself.”

Logan looked up, eyes wide.

“Patton, that is very ill-advised–”

“He’s not eaten anything, Lo, if we don’t get that to change fast, we’re going to have to sedate him and hook him up to a feeding tube, and you and I both know that if we do that we’ll shatter any chance of him ever trusting us.”

Logan sighed and rubbed his eyes, staring at the screens. “Yes, I know. I had hoped that us giving him space and providing him with food and water would be enough to show that we mean well, but apparently not.”

“You know what he’s survived, Logan,” Patton said quietly. “He probably doesn’t even trust that the food is safe. We have to prove to him that we aren’t going to hurt him.”

“Be careful,” Logan cautioned as Patton picked up his tray again and headed down the hallway to where the holding rooms were. Patton paused outside their newest guest’s room, and took a deep breath before punching a code in the keypad by the door. He hated that the door had to be kept locked, but when the subject was so unstable, they had to keep him confined for his own safety. Patton hoped they’d be able to change that soon.

“Hey there, kiddo,” Patton called softly as he stepped into the room, the automatic door sliding shut behind him with a hiss. “You doing okay this morning?”

The figure in the corner flinched away, and Patton smiled gently. He kept his eyes lowered and curled in on himself as he approached, trying to appear small and nonthreatening. He sat down on the floor, folding his legs underneath him, and glanced up to check for a reaction.

“I brought you something to eat,” he said. “Are you hungry?”

The boy glared at him from under a shock of dark hair, and Patton resisted the urge to reach out and brush it out of his eyes. He had to be more delicate than that if he was going to get through to him.

“You’ve gotta eat something, kiddo, you don’t wanna get sick,” he said. He held out the tray, but the boy just scooted further away. Patton nodded, setting the tray on the ground.

“Listen, I get it,” he murmured. “You’re scared, and suspicious. I don’t blame you; I would be too if I’d been in those labs. But this place isn’t like that. We’re a rehabilitation facility, you don’t have anything to fear here, I promise.”

The boy didn’t look convinced, but Patton hadn’t expected him to be. For all he was concerned, Patton was just another scientist who wanted something from him.

“Look kiddo, if you won’t eat your lunch, do you mind if I have some?” he asked lightly. “I haven’t eaten yet today, and this soup smells amazing.”

The boy frowned at that, glancing at Patton out of the corner of his eye, and Patton suppressed a smile.

Good, he had his attention.

Carefully, so the boy could see what he was doing, Patton picked up the plastic spoon from the edge of the tray and took a bite of the soup. He smiled over at the boy, who was staring openly at him now.

“You sure you don’t want any?” he asked. “It’s really good.”

He took another spoonful, then picked up the piece of bread lying on the tray and tore off a section, dipping it in the broth. He popped it in his mouth, then nudged the tray towards the boy with an encouraging smile.

The boy hesitated, and Patton made a show of swallowing his mouthful of bread. That seemed to finally be enough for him, and he scooted closer, just close enough to grab at the tray. He snatched up the hunk of bread and dunked it in the soup broth before tearing off an enormous bite. He barely took time to chew before swallowing and taking another massive mouthful, and Patton fought the urge to giggle.

“Easy, kiddo,” he said instead. “You don’t wanna choke and hurt yourself. There’s more where that came from if you want it.”

That made the boy pause, and he regarded Patton with a curious look. He swallowed slowly, then, in a voice so low and raspy that Patton almost didn’t hear, asked “Really?”

Patton forced his face to remain calm, even though his insides were leaping with excitement. He’d talked! He’d actually talked! Other than his panicked screams and aggressive hissing when he’d first been brought in, he hadn’t made a sound the entire time he’d been here, and now he’d spoken! Only one word, but still, it was progress, and Patton was going to take it.

“Of course,” he said, keeping his voice even. “There’s definitely enough for seconds if you want. I’d have to take a trip down to the kitchens to get some, but I’d be happy to do so!”

There was a beat of silence, and then,

“Why?”

Oh, that simple word spoke volumes, and Patton couldn’t decide whether he should pull the kiddo close and promise him that he’d never be hurt again or go out and hunt down anyone and everyone who was responsible for making the notion of kindness such a strange and foreign one to him.

“Because you need to get your strength up, kiddo,” he said, pushing both urges away for now. “You’ve been through a lot.”

“And what...” the boy’s voice shook, and he paused, swallowing before continuing. “What happens...after I get my strength up?”

Patton smiled sadly.

“Absolutely nothing. We’re not here to hurt you.”

The boy looked skeptical, and Patton sighed.

“I don’t blame you for not trusting me,” he said quietly. “I’d be cautious too, if I were in your shoes. I just...hope that you’ll give me a chance to prove that I really do want to help you. Will you let me do that?”

The boy regarded him silently, and eventually nodded. Patton smiled brightly at him, then took a deep breath. Time to test the waters.

“My name is Patton, by the way,” he said, and the boy's eyes widened just a bit. “Do you have something I can call you, besides just kiddo?”

The boy looked away, and Patton held his breath, hoping that he hadn’t moved too quickly. If he spooked now, it could take ages to coax him into opening a dialogue with them, and-

“Virgil.”

Patton nearly squeaked in surprise.

“My name is Virgil,” Virgil said again, and Patton’s face bloomed into a smile. Virgil watched him for a moment, then offered a tiny, hesitant smile back.

It was official. Patton was putting all his other cases on hold until he was sure that Virgil would never be afraid to smile again. The path towards his recovery certainly wouldn’t be easy, but if Virgil was willing to try, then Patton would give it his absolute everything.

“Well, Virgil,” he said, his smile growing wider. “It’s very nice to meet you.”

---

Part Two: Gaining Trust

Bad Things Happen Masterlist My Fic Masterlist Commission Info Ko-fi

Sanders Sides Taglist (pt.1): @lizethemotherlycat, @coffeestudylive, @logically-asexual, @migraine-marathon, @princeyssash, @idontevenfreakingknow22, @tree4life25, @spacevirgil, @virgiltheanxious, @thebaagelboy, @msu82, @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2, , @thesleepyraziel, @bobolovesoze, @littlemiracle05, @pattson, @nerd-in-space, @thesides, @stay-in--place, @ravenclawunicorn1, @at-least-seven-pretty-potatoes, @michealawithana, @anotherfandomtrasher , @fandomsofrandom, @a-deliciouslyfadingcollection, @nightmarejasmine, @xxfoxit, @quoth-the-sparrow, @katatles-the-fish, @misty-the-mysterious, @alyssadashrub, @punkassplonker, @noctisvalex, @i-sold-my-soul-to-thefandom, @funsizedgremlin, @vigilantvirgill, @nonamefightergirl, @thomasbemyfriend, @starsinger , @milomeepit, @justabookworm39, @shortandfantastic, @thesilentbluesparrow, @royallyanxious, @mirror2thespirit, @coffee-stains-paper-and-ink, @silverrhayn, @mooksie01, @backatthebein, @nye275, @anastasialestina, @callboxkat, @a-lexicon-of-words, @emeraldfoxface, @peachie-keeen, @llamaly, @witch19, @heythereprincey, @bring-it-on-perra, @nienna14, @bubblycricket,

Sanders Sides Taglist (pt.2): @thomasfandersunite, @slightlyobssesive, @logicallyanxious, @apologetically-anxious, @keys117, @digitally-analog, @ocotopushugs, @warping-reality, @grey-lysander, @your-username-is-unavailable, @hikariyukino, @theresneverenoughfandoms, @virgil-sanderssss, @violetmcl, @thatfandomfollower, @nothingelsemattersmetalcisi-blog, @cdragontogacotar, @absentmindedproff, @fantasyandfairfolk, @virgilsblogofanxietys, @your-average-outcast, @sanderstalker, @galaxy-warping, @queen-of-all-things-snuggly @a-little-bit-of-ace, @faithfreedom-art @therealhmmlingle @xxladystarlightxx, @morgan-the-art-girl, @stormcrawler75 @wowitsmyblog, @romanssippycup, @lamp-calm-sanders, @musikasworld @cyberpunkjinx, @mauvelavender @samathekittycat @black-out-wonder @i-read-by-lamp @ravenclawicecream @nashiraneko @lucifer-in-my-head @ladyartemisia28 @awesome-and-unique-username @zoalish @entpscarleharrrr @raygelkitty @zeldahadasword @gubbalupagus @musicphanpie-b @virgilssweaterpaws, @faacethefacts @a-simple-fryingpan @pinkeasteregg @punknerdmusings @imantisocialgetoverit @anuninspiredpoet @awkward-avocado-of-death , @poison-lyra @modcarbz , @thisrandomperson102, @skydiamcnds @just-another-starfish , @thepoolofthedead ,

#badthingshappenbingo #moxiety #platonic moxiety #sanders sides #patton sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #hurt/comfort #my writing #stormcrawler75 #rainbow-filmnerd #asks and answers

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amomentsescape · 4 years

Note

Hi! Just your neighbor friendly Dandy loving Anon back again for some more Mott content! I’ve pitched this idea to multiple blogs lately but I can’t get enough of it! (Because I adore it so much!) but in the present day the Freakshow grounds has become a haunted ground (like the murder house) and the reader comes having bought the grounds and runs into ghost!Dandy and chaos follows!

A/N: Short and sweet.

Past Problems (Ghost! Dandy Mott)

As someone who loves to put their passion to the test, you felt that starting from scratch would be a fun challenge for you.

The land you had just bought was practically abandoned. All that remained were small pieces of fabric and plastic, every once in a while coming across wooden remains of what may have been a tent.

Of course, you knew what this had been a long time ago. How could you not? Not only do you do your research, but anyone who wasn’t living under a rock had learned about this land’s past.

Freak shows were quite popular back in the day. Although this area had struggled a bit with keeping its business in the limelight, its downfall was almost more notorious than the actual entertainment.

Many freaks were killed by an ill man. However, this didn’t make news right away after the shooting. The freaks were seen as outcasts, and not many cared about what happened to them.

However, living in the present day and having a soft spot for everyone, you felt awful that so many lives were taken on this property.

Maybe you could redeem the lost souls?

This was clearly a figure of speech, which is why you were so shocked to see a figure running towards you: a man with a face that seemed slightly familiar.

“Whoa, excuse me? This is now private property for the time being. I’m going to have to ask you to-”

“No, please! Please, I need your help! I can’t take it anymore. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t...”

He began to repeat his words like a mantra, and you were struck with the realization that this guy looked just like the man reported in the papers all those years ago.

You had always been one to have an open mind, but how could the Dandy Mott be standing in front of you right now? He was dead! He was killed for everything that he had done and-

Oh.

You quickly pushed yourself away from him when you began to think of this situation.

He was a murderer, and you had almost asked him if he was okay.

“You- you’re... not real. You’re not real!”

He turned his head to you sharply and stopped his mantra, furrowing his brows at you confused.

“You killed all those poor people! But now you’re here, and I don’t- I can’t,” your voice soon trailed off.

What were you even saying? This couldn’t actually be happening, right?

His eyes widened at you in surprise.

“What do you know of me?” he asked you.

Before you could answer, a frenzy of footsteps began to run up beside you.

To your utter shock, there stood the freaks that once performed on these grounds. They were the same ones that you had read about before, the ones that were brutally shot by the man standing in front of you.

In the moment of complete chaos, you were unable to fight back when you felt an arm around your throat.

You struggled a bit but stopped resisting when the arm pressed tighter onto your airway. In the corner of your eye, you could see the small glint of broken glass in his hand, daring to cut its way into your neck.

“Don’t come any closer, or I will kill her! One more for the family of freaks!” he spat out by your ear.

The group in front of you stared back in concern, not knowing how to handle the situation.

You were one of the first living people that they had seen in years. They weren’t expecting for something like this to happen.

With a strained voice, you managed to get out a “what the hell is going on?”

The sharp glass was pressed closer to your neck, the tip barely scratching into your skin.

��We’ve been trapped here! All this time, and we have never been able to leave the fairgrounds,” Dandy muttered angrily.

The freaks nodded their heads along with what he was saying, not daring to speak up in fear of your safety.

“I’ve been stuck here for an infinite amount of time, every day having to deal with being tortured and killed all over again.”

You suddenly realized what Dandy had been running from. The freaks were murdering him over and over again just so they could feel some sort of vengeance.

“We- we can sort this out! Just let me go, and we can figure out what to do.” You could feel the glass beginning to break skin at this point. “Please! I bought this land; it’s mine now. This allows me to do whatever I want with it! Maybe we could find away out of this curse.”

You could feel Dandy’s arm loosen around your throat, but he didn’t let go fully. He was still afraid that by setting you free, the freaks would be on him in an instance, having to suffer through a painful death all over again.

“Guys,” you spoke again, this time directing it to the group of freaks before you. “We can’t take back everything that happened in the past, but I think all of this pain may have something to do with why you guys are stuck here. If we can all promise not to kill each other, maybe we can get out of this hell.”

With a sudden twist, Dandy had pushed you to the ground, dropping the glass in his hand.

“Whatever gets them to leave me alone,” he finally said.

Oh, boy. This was going to be one heck of a process.

#dandy #dandy mott #dandy mott imagine #dandy mott imagines #dandy mott x reader #AHS #ahs fanfiction #ahs fandom #ahs one shot #ahs imagines #ahs x reader #american horror story #american horror story imagines #american horror story freakshow #ahs freakshow

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seijch · 3 years

Text

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

#did i have an announcement tag #announcement #also regarding work hsjkdfsd the company i work for didnt give my location the opening for the full time position i wanted #my managers all agree id be promoted if we had it but we dont so i . hee .#anyway um i hope everyones doing well #some of my moots changed urls while i was away and now i have no idea who anyone is #its like when you see your familys friends and theyre like omg youre so big now! i remember when you were a baby and youre like 🧍‍♂️#and you have to play along bc apparently they remember you hskdfsd #im not very funny in this post but i figured id rather be honest considering my lengthy absence #consider this my comeback stage

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fatigued-but-trying · 4 years

Text

First Post/Intrduction

Hi, I’m Fatigued-But-Trying (Not my real name obviously) , and I suffer from CFS/ME (chronic fatigue syndrome /myalgic encephalomyelitis. Ill be honest, I never thought id be writing a blog or really wanting to detail what my condition is like or what I go through, but in the past week, I’ve been suffering from a viral illness, which when combined with my cfs/me, left me in a hospital overnight while they checked up my symptoms and made sure I wasn’t in danger.

As a brief summary of my life to now, I studied at a private school for high school, achieved excellent A level results and made it to a uni I honestly never thought id make it to. Up until that point last October, I probably would have said my life had gone well and that I was enjoying it. Then, late October, I just lost all energy. I was on a medication to combat a potential separate condition when t basically stripped me of all my capabilities to move. So, I had the “Joy” of spending approximately 7 hours in a hospital A and E ( I won’t say where, but they were so good and helpful). I’d hoped to write it off as a one time thing, and hopped that maybe it was just a sign my other condition was improving. Then it happened again, and again. Two months on it was happening so frequently and to such a bad extent, I had to intermit and leave one fo my dream places to study to recover. And then Covid happened. That, that really sapped a lot of my energy and mental fortitude, and honestly it pushed me a bit with some of my friendships, partly as I couldn’t really do a lot, and partly as we just couldn’t see each other. It’d be a lie if I said I didn’t get depressed by it all (and it would be another lie in itself if I didn’t say I was still somewhat depressed right now). But, I took my time, I too everything slow, and I thought I was finally on the way to recovery and actually being able to go back to study. So I got everything in place and even put precautions there in case of relapses, and everyone was so supportive. I was hopeful that I would get back.

And I have. I am currently back at Uni. But, my energy is being sapped again. As I say I have caught a viral infection at the moment, and it has just reset my energy levels so much and left me a little confused/worried about my energy level state afterwards. So, I’ve decided to write this blog or whatever it ends up being, partly to give my perspective on the condition and how it affects me ( as if you are a sufferer or know someone who has it or has had it, it varies so much between person to person, and takes on so many different forms) and partly to just have my say on the world, and how the other stuff going on effects things.

Am I trying to be original? God no, I realise this has be done hundreds if not thousands or tens of thousands of times, it is a somewhat common condition. Am I doing it as I’m upset at the system? I suppose it could be argued that a part of this is aimed at that. The medical care in the uk is great, but is severely underfunded in so many places, for every miracle or timely intervention they are able to do, there are others where they are just too slow, and the worst part is the fault doesn’t really lie with them. I ma doing it to have my say, and to try and help someone else, even if it is the smallest way, as I know how hard it is to keep going or to just do the day to day with this condition.

I am also autistic. That however is all the label you need to give to it, unless you prefer from autistic spectrum disorder (I prefer to just say autistic as it easier), so there’s that too, which also complicates my cfs and day to day life. So, if another autistic person stumbles across this blog, and it helps them somewhat, that’s great too. I’m not however going to list here how my autism affects me, as it is so much more of a gay area then shows or films or many mediums would lead you to believe. For now, this is really all you need to know

So then, my day. Well, the positive of the day is I managed to watch one of todays lectures, which is somewhat of a victory considering how hard it can be to concentrate someday (Yes I have Saturday lectures). But, I’ve also been confined to my room, partly to prevent my virus from spreading (Even though I’ve tested negative twice for Covid, and it is by my choice) and partly just because I would otherwise struggle to really get that far from it, even the bathroom or the door of my room has been a struggle today. Id rate my level of fatigue at around a 7, everything is taking my either time to save up the energy to do it ( such as moving around the room or watching a lecture) or requiring it to be the sole thing I am doing ( such as typing this blog post out). So, it could be worse, but it could also be so much better! I’ll also say this is my own scale, and for me anything less then a 4 is just about workable to be a halfway normal day, while a 10 is probably as close to being comatose as possible ( and before the questions are asked, if they ever are, I have been like that)

The posts likely won’t be that long, unless I’m talking through an actual aspect of my conditions in some detail, in which case I’ll try to be detailed (Also, expect loads of errors and spelling mistakes). I’ll try and answer questions if they are put on the blog, and maybe if it’s a good enough question i’ll make an actual post on my answer. I’ll try to be consistent in the amount of content, if not the time it is posted. Please, feel free to ask questions or that, but don’t say or spread negativity. If you ever want some advice on dealing with this, I cant promise to be able to help ( especially as for some sufferers I’m still considered to be very much in the early stages) but i’ll try, and if I can’t i’ll try to be positive still. I wont promise to be always positive in these posts either, I believe in honesty and choice as a key thing, so If I’m talking about a negative part of my condition, or a negative way it leaves me, don't ask me to remove it. If you want to share it please do, but don’t make me out to be anything special. I’m just a person, going through life and suffering from my conditions, its that simple ( reasonable) . Any questions please ask, otherwise, see you tomorrow ( if this is ever found).

#chronic illness #cfs/me #autism #coping #fatigue

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vivxwrites · 5 years

Text

Let’s Do It

*not my gif*

Word Count: 1347

Summary: You relationship with Natasha has hit a stale point and you realize that needs to change when you find out that you’re pregnant.

Warnings: Mention of vomiting, Some light angst

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

A/N: Request by an anon, I hope you enjoy it :) I did my best to make it long for you and I sincerely hope it’s what you imagined it to be. Enjoy.

Set in an AU where a woman can biologically and naturally get another woman pregnant (just go with it).

You sighed as you carded your fingers through your unruly hair. You had just finished fight number four of this month with your girlfriend of three years, Natasha. Lately the two of you fought over every little thing and quite frankly, you were growing tired of it. The stress was getting to you and you found it was starting to affect your mental health too. You stepped into the large shower and let the blistering hot water fall over your skin in an effort to relax yourself. The relaxing atmosphere brought your mind to a happier time in your relationship with Nat and you yearned to go back. To go back to a time where Natasha was home and where whatever time you spent with her wasn’t taken up by lashing out at each other. A tear made its way down your face as all of your troubled feelings punched you in the gut at once. Your girlfriend was never home, your relationship was crumbling slowly into thousands of pieces, did she even love you anymore? A panicked feeling crawled up into your chest at the thought. It dug itself into your chest and your knees buckled below you. You were completely numb on the outside while on the inside your mind raced around faster than Natasha on her motorcycle. Tears flowed freely down your face, mixing with the water spraying out of the shower-head. When you finally mustered up enough strength to stand again you shut the water off and stumbled to your bed, falling into it and crying painful tears until you finally fall asleep.

You woke up the next morning and a wave of nausea promptly spread over you. You rushed to the toilet and emptied the contents of your stomach. Since you weren’t sick you chalked the nausea up to being a result of crying yourself to sleep last night and went about the rest of your day. It passed, with no Natasha in sight. You sighed and went to bed, alone and cold. When you woke up that morning, the nausea was there again and so you rushed back to the toilet. The following two mornings started the same and so you finally scheduled an appointment to see what was up with your stomach.

“Have you taken a pregnancy test lately?” The doctor had just finished going through a check up and after ruling out any illnesses, concluded that you were either pregnant or suffering through a condition of sorts.

You pondered the question and tapped a finger against your chin. A look of wonder crossed your face, could you really be pregnant? A warm smile slowly appeared on your face as you imagined what having a little Natasha running around would be like. “You know doctor, I haven’t. Do you have any on hand?”

The doctor nodded and reached into a draw, handing the packaged pregnancy test to you. You took a hesitant step into the bathroom, then the next few steps quickly and stared at the test. After a while you shrugged and followed the directions to the test, wondering if it would appear with double lines or not.

Time stood at a standstill while you waited for the pregnancy test to process. You and Natasha hadn’t been intimate together in…how long was it now? You had no idea but you assumed that it was sometime before the fighting started which was...six weeks ago, give or take.

You paced around anxiously for the remainder of the ten minutes that the test was supposed to take, fiddling with your fingers and picking at your nails. As if your mind had an internal timer, you glanced towards the test and peered down at its display. Two blue lines. You sucked in a breath and held your tears at bay. The only coherent thought you had flickered through your mind repeatedly, Natasha needs to know.

Later that night, after searching through the entire compound, you knocked on the door to Natasha’s room…which was unused since the two of you had moved in together, right? You felt like breaking into sobs as your mind tore itself into pieces, some praying that Natasha wasn’t inside, sleeping without you, while the others desperately wanted to see her, no matter the current circumstances.

After a few minutes of a vicious battle between the pieces of your consciousness, the door finally creaked open to show a sleepy, bleary eyed Natasha. ‘So she was sleeping without you, ouch,’ you thought. She blinked a few times and you watched as her mind processed that you were the one who had knocked on the door. “(Y/N).”

“Hi Nat,” you spoke meekly and fiddled with the bottom of your shirt, “I need to tell you something, can I come in?”

“Yeah of course.” The tension in the air was obvious as you cautiously took a seat on her couch. She looked at you, her head tilted in question and you internally cooed at the sight.

You squeezed your eyes shut and decided to just rip the bandage off. “I’m pregnant.” She blinked at you and her mouth formed the shape of an o.

Natasha was silent and you kept your ears open for even the slightest sound from her. When nothing came after a while, you opened your mouth to speak again, only to find yourself cut off as she finally spoke up, “Let’s do it.”

“What?” You spoke the word slowly and furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, you certainly weren’t expecting her to say that.

“Let’s do it, (Y/N). Let’s have a kid, let’s start a family.” She sunk to her knees and scooted on the floor until she was situated in front of you. She grabbed your hands and laced her fingers through yours, giving both of them a firm squeeze as she glanced up at you. “You’re already pregnant, half of the work is already done. We can do it baby, I know it.”

You bit your lip and met her gaze, “You’re serious?” She nodded her head and you paused once more.

You spoke hesitantly and softly, thinking about each word carefully, “Our relationship is in shambles Nat, I mean, we aren’t even sleeping in the same bed anymore. How can we possibly have a kid?” You were conflicted, of course you wanted nothing more than to start a family with Natasha, she was it for you. It was you and her, till the end of the line...but things were so awful lately, so toxic.

“I know we’ve been fighting lately but we love each other, right?” You nodded and she let a small, sincere smile make its way onto her face. “This is just a small hiccup in our relationship, we’re three years strong babe, we’ll fix it.”

You sat, dumbfounded for a minute as you thought through her answer. The two of you could fix it, she loved you and you loved her and that was all that mattered.

Natasha continued, her eyes pleading with you, “I know things aren’t great, but I promise to be better, to do my best for you (Y/N). Our relationship needs to change, regardless of the baby on the way. I love you and it kills me fighting with you all of the time.”

You were still conflicted but you trusted Natasha with everything that you had. You trusted that things would change, would become the environment that they needed to be in order to raise a child. You searched her eyes for one final answer, and you found it, “Ok, let’s do it.”

She gave you a rare giddy smile and hopped up, picking you up and swinging you around the room in her arms. You squealed and she peppered your face in kisses. When she finally put you down she cupped your cheeks and connected her lips with yours, speaking to you through her actions: a language that you were expertly fluent in.

“I love you so much.” She rested her forehead against yours and clutched your arms tightly, though not enough to hurt you.

“I love you too, Natasha.”

A/N: I’m gonna use this author’s note to give a warm welcome to everyone new to my blog! My name is Viv, I run this blog and write all of the wonderful (hopefully) fics, though most of them are requests and very few are actually my own ideas. Right now I have two series going, you can find them in my masterlist (see bio) and the next parts of them will be written soon. Requests are always open and right now I’m cycling through updates to my series and a ton of Nat fics (to everyone who has requested one, I’m doing my best to go in order of when they were requested, I hope to get through all of them soon). I think that’s it, welcome to my blog and I look forward to sharing my future content with you all :) Thanks, Viv :)

Permanent Tag List: @aesthetiff @autumnjackson4 @captainwonderwidow @5aftermidnight @fansanctuary @gigglygwil @lesbian-x-blackwidow

P.S. If you want to join my permanent tag list, full of lovely lovely people, all you have to do is ask! Admission is free!

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x female!reader #natasha romanoff imagine #black widow x reader #black widow imagine #my fic

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burnedbyshoto · 5 years

Text

if you sent any asks (recommendations for things don’t count as I have to look around!) since october 17 until october 22 it is in here :)

anon said: The header for your askbox response post is *aesthetic*. I think it’s a really good idea to post one every few days if you have the time. ❤️

well, thANK YOUUUUU!!!!! I put in a whopping 10 minutes into it because I had no idea what I was doing! i’ll definitely be doing asks this way now though.

big dick kiri anon said: !!!!!! ILY HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY PLS HYDRATE 💙💙❤️❤️ -bigdickkiri

Omg love! Please don’t worry about kinktober just breathe! Take your time and try to relax 💙❤️- bigdickkiri

DAMN, that is a LOT. Please look after yourself and don't stress about it love!! - bigdickkiri

I'm very excited. BUT PLEASE LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, DO NOT FORCE ANY OF THIS OMG - bigdickkiri

AHH, AMAZING, TALENTED SWEETHEART, GORGEOUS LOVE, HAVE A INCREDIBLE DAY AND HYDRATE - bigdickkiri

I believe I did have a good day, and I am actually super bad at hydrating, buT ILL TRY TO GET BETTER!!!!

I am breathing!!!! JUSTTT BREATHEEEE!!! I am taking my time now and relaxing to the best of my ability :D thank you so much bdk I love you with all my soul

theres always a lot, but if im not doing a lot I dont do anything so on one hand.... it’s okay LMAO but I will continue to try and not stress :D

BDK I WOULD NEVER WANT TO MAKE YOU THINK IM FORCING THIS OUT OF MEEEE ILL TRY MY BEST TO MAKE YOU PROUD

GHSOGHJIAORGJRGIRAHG YOURE AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, TERRIFIC, INCREDIBLE!!!!!!! YOU HYDRATE AND MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU

@bread-theduck said: We love you and support you ❤ dont push yourself, your mental health is so much more important that kinktober haha. Take all the time you need, we're right here and open if you wanna talk~

I don’t really try to push myself... it just happens subconsciously D: but thank you for the love and support!!!! my mental health is stronger than I give it credit though

anon said: listen! we all appreciate you and your writing dearly but! I think we can all agree that we want you to be okay mentally and physically before you make yourself write! kinktober can wait! you’re more important!! at the very least, pls take a break for tonight.

I honestly can’t even remember when i said I was tired, but thank you for your kind words regardless!!!! I am trying to get better at it because i don’t want to disappoint you guys D:

@saintbullet said: Please take care of yourself!!! DONT risk your health for writing. We care about you so much! Be careful 💕💕💕

I know I push myself a lot, and i’m really sorry for scaring you all!!!! I am trying though, and it just has a lot to do with my mental fatigue and that im judging some hard classes right now then it has to do with anything

anon said: hey it'll be alright! idk whats wrong but i promise everything will work out like its supposed to! you just take care of yourself and take as much time as you need to feel better!! we love u!! ♥️

It wAS MY PERIOD I REMEMBER NOW AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOO WITH ALL THE LOVE MY HEART POSSES!!!!!!

anon said: periods can be a pain so pls take care of yourself!! drink lots of water and rest up!!!

my period is the worst, if she was a person i’d block her and avoid her irl!!!!!!!!

anon said: Lol ok so gay for Mina anon back and no, I was not the anon who requested it. But lmao, let me take this time to whole heartedly thank that anon for quenching my thirst anyways

oh whoops, sorry for thinking you were someone else D: iM GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU WERE HAPPY WITH IT!!! READER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BAD GUY BUT I COULDN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE IT WORK LMAO

anon said: I am just planning on hanging out and reading all the lovely writing that comes from this

i’m pretty sure this is about my nsfw/sfw headcanons, and honestly im sooo very excited to start working on them!!!!!!!!

anon said: you have no idea how happy I got when I saw u posted for mina like UGH MY WIFE I LOVE HER SO MUCH 🥺🥺🥺 N GIVING US GAYS AMAZING CONTENT UR AMAZING MWAH MWAH KEEP BEING THE PERFECT ANGEL U ARE 🥺🥺💞💗💖💕💓💝

AHHHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT MINA IS LIKE MY FAV CLASS 1-A GIRL SO I LOVE HER SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHH YOURE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU AND YOURE AN ANGEL!!!!!!!

many a anons said: Sorry I didn’t see the part where you said not to request characters that were already on the list I thought that was the list of character we could vote for.

so sorry I accidentally sent a character in that has already been requested, Tumblr didn't show me the follow up posts ;;

nooo I didn’t see the list I’m so sorry 😭😭😭

LOL ITS OKAYYYY. y’all were hoes and kept sending me shouto who I couldn’t even think about deleting from my list... so... you are lucky >:(

anon said: hello! not a request here but take care of yourself anc stay hydrated bb 🥰🥰

I got my water right next to me rn bby :D

anon said: be todoroki’s girlfriend

bitch I am todorokis WIFE, why would I need to dress up???

@girl-with-a-mentality said: You can be todoroni for Halloween.

....you right...

anon said: Thirst post infoo ;3 I found a doujinshi of Bakugo being teased and toyed with sexually with by Ochako, Yaomomo, and our lovely momma Mina

...send it

anon said: GIRLLLLLL

ANONNNNNNNNNNNNN ;)

local dumbass anon said: local dumbass is here once again, i thiink you know who i am and might've found my ig buuuuuut..?

uh.... I don’t know???????? I only followed people on insta if you gave me your handle or followed me first.... also did you cut your bangs?

anon said: Your Monoma scenario was really good!If we’re being honest, though, Monoma would literally start foaming at the mouth if he saw anyone from 1-A making physical contact with his s/o, ESPECIALLY Bakugou. They would have to call animal control because there would be a rabid Monoma in the dorms lol

okay... while you’re not wrong, I just thought 18 year old monoma should have grown up just the tiniest bit! plus his obsession is controlled because of his insecurity so LMAO IDK I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE UGH

@awkward-theaterkid said: I was reading your Day 19 Fic but I couldnt take it seriously, the title "My Way" kept reminding me of the Backstreet Boys "I want it that way" and it keeps popping up while I read it 😂

as someone who only heard that song because of b99 I read this and immediately thought of b99 LMAOOOOO

🍒💥anon said: URGENT PSA: LYSSA IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND I LOVE HER -🍒💥

Hello Queen Lyssa, I finally read "And They Were Roommates" and have absolutely no idea why I put it off so long! ITS A MASTERPIECE. Each chapter is addictive and the slow burn and angst destroyed me 😭 The smut in the final chapter is flawless and sooooooooooooooooooo H O T. Shoto wasnt even my favorite character but he might have to be now (or at least in my top 3) 😰 This is my new favorite series and I cant wait to re-read it!!!! YOURE AMAZING AND ILY. You own my soul now -🍒💥

URGENT PSA I LOVE YOU CHERRY EXPLOSION AND YOURE AMAZING :D

ATWR holds a special place in my heart uwu.... HAOGHIOSRGSIOGJSIHG THANK YOU!!!!! SHOUTO IS AN AMAZING CHARACTER WHO I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEARRTTTTTT

~ thank you to @didyoumeanme, @kittenlordofdarkness, @soafers for submitting memes and animal pics for my rommate, much appreciated :D ~

anon said: Did the local dumbass anon ever cut their bangs? Do you know?

....I dont know, but I just asked her rn >:)

this paragraph is dedicated to those surrounding to the meltdown mess that occurred yesterday. to each and every one of you who sent me kind words via my askbox or directly contacting me, thank you. I really want to move past this because I feel by holding on it will make me feel less inclined to write because of my guilt. of course, I do not expect you to forgive me, or trust me in my story of how it went down, because at the end of the day it was my mistake for trusting in someone to write with pure intentions when I didn’t know if she could. im trying to continue on with my best foot forward and im grateful for those of you who trusted in me. I swear I will never push myself again, and that I will instead take my time in order to publish my original work and only my original work and not take anything that comes from a “friend”. know that I love you all, and I dont know how to take it easy so my break lasted a whooping 10 hours, and my blog won’t discontinue until im done with bnha or...I get into medschool which is still 3 years away, I am taking care of myself, im staying hydrated, im trying not to put myself down anymore, I will keep going, & will forever continue to be more careful with what I post. also, no one was really coming for me, so don’t worry if you thought so lol. (to you 9 anons who expressed their kind thoughts to me, thank you. to big dick kiri anon thank you. to @bqkubabey, @flayvus, & @ultimate-shit-poster thank you so so much you really helped me not drown myself in my own guilt.)

anon said: i hope you’re feeling okay today :((

I am feeling a lot better. unfortuantely I did make myself really sick yesterday because ive never been as stressed in my life ever, but im okay now. there’s nothing I can do more for what happened so I will try to continue on as best as I can and I appreciate you caring... ilysm :)

@ikinabi said: Your writing??? Actually god sent 🥵👌 and the way you write Mirio gets me GOING

BAHAHAH NOOOOO ITS NOT PLAFUAOGHJIPRAHAR MY MIRIO PIECE YOU LIKED WAS MY FIRST PIECE ON HIM AND OOO BOY I DID NOT DO HIM JUSTICE

anon said: fuck buddy iida is a thought that has never crossed my mind but now that i’ve seen your post i am intrigued haha

well... it is up :) if you wanna check her out :)

anon said: You dont have to answer if you dont wanna but i just wanna see if your okay. I hope your end your doing well and not stressing.

i’m doing much better than I was yesterday!!! I just needed to rest and calm down and stop attacking myself. thank you for checking in!!! it means so much :,)

#ask lyssa anything #lyssa doesnt shut up #anonymous

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wolfpawn · 4 years

Text

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 57

Chapter Summary - Danielle wakes in the middle of the night feeling very sick, but doesn't tell Tom, when he finds her a while later, he realises she is not fully at ease with certain things, telling him that their talk is all the more important. The next day, feeling better, they talk about their issues and insecurities, hoping they are on the same page.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long. This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @lys-syl @youcantcatchafallingstar

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

When Danielle woke, she groaned slightly; her head was spinning and all she could think about was how much everything seemed to be hurting. She gently removed herself from Tom's arms and rushed to the door, choosing to go to the main bathroom and not her en suite one. Keeping as quiet as she could, she ran to the toilet bowl and vomited violently, after several minutes, she finally finished dry-heaving and realised she had a splitting headache to go with her nausea. Grabbing the towel from its rack, she placed it on the tiled floor and lay her head on it, her breathing slowing again now that she did not feel like her blood was on fire.

Tom's brows furrowed as he felt the sheets next to him for Danielle, only to find them empty, forcing himself to awaken more, he turned on the light next to him and looked around. There was no light from the en suite, the door of which was slightly ajar and the sheets next to him were cold and...as he felt them, he realised they were damp, as was the pillow. Concerned, he rose to his feet and grabbed his boxers, which were still beside the bed from the night before and rubbed his hand over his face to help wake himself, the cold chill of the winter night caused him to shiver slightly and he then realised the bedroom door was opened slightly, so he walked into the hallway. "Elle?" He called as he opened the door, noticing the light beaming out from under the main bathroom door, he walked over and knocked. "Elle?"

"Tom," Tom's heartfelt as though it was about to explode in his chest when he heard how faint and pathetic her voice was. "Tom."

He pushed open the door and winced slightly. The stench of sweat and vomit were the first things to hit him, but when he saw Danielle covered in sweat and shivering on the cold tiled floor, he forgot the foul smells and knelt down to her. "Elle."

"I think I'm sick."

Tom looking at her for a moment before he chuckled, "I think you might be." he agreed. "Why didn't you call me?"

"I didn't want to disturb you."

"You are the silliest woman." he shook his head. He reached down to pull her into his arms and walk her back to bed. "How long have you been here?" He asked worriedly, realising just how cold she was.

"I woke at about one."

"Elle, it is four-thirty, you have been here for over three hours on a cold floor, what were you thinking?" He snapped worriedly.

"I'm sorry."

Danielle's response was so feeble and meek, Tom felt guilty for even sounding clipped. "I know, I'm sorry if I sound mad, I just don't want you to be getting more sick." He stroked her hair and scooped her into his arms.

"No, I smell." Her attempts to wriggle out of his grip were laughable.

"I know, because you are sick and I am going to bring you back to bed and you are going to get some medication and we will have you right as rain again soon," he promised as he walked through the hallway and back to her room.

"But the bed."

"Elle, the sheets are already damp because of you."

"I'm surprised you are not trying to take credit for that." Tom chuckled at her words. "I'm sorry I ruined Christmas."

"Elle, you did not..."

"I went into hospital Christmas Eve, I made Emma mad again Christmas day, and I am sick on Stephens' Day." She listed.

"You had a fall, Emma is being a brat and you cannot help whatever this is, what is it anyway? I am not sick, so I don't think it is food-related."

"I don't know," Danielle groaned, curling into a ball as soon as she was placed in the bed.

Tom went to retrieve some paracetamol and ibuprofen she kept in the bathroom. "Which ones?"

"Only the panadol, you can't mix ibuprofen with diffene," she explained. Tom fed her the painkillers and got in beside her, using his body heat to warm her. "I am so run down." She moaned.

"Could you be...?" Tom asked warily.

"Could I be what?"

"Pregnant?"

Danielle froze for a moment. "I could, but I don't think so." She dismissed.

"We have sex, a lot, and I don't think in the time we've been together, you've..."

"Bled? No, I don't on the bar. It is the reason I am on it, if I wasn't, you'd know, trust me. As for pregnancy, it's the best thing on the market and I don't feel like my boobs are sore or bigger, nor do I feel bloated, I don't think it's anything like that, so I don't think you have to worry."

"It's not that I am worried, it's just..."

"Too soon?" She answered. "If Emma thought us spending the next few months seeing if we can go without strangling one another was bad," she laughed. "I think it is just being run down, not enough sleep, food and fresh air, my body is telling me to behave and look after myself." She dismissed as she began to warm up again. "Don't worry."

"Well get some more sleep, and I mean it, wake me if you feel ill again, alright?"

"I promise," Danielle swore, falling back asleep, her body warming as she did.

A few hours later, it was actually Danielle that was first to wake, and bar a small twinge in her temple, felt as though she was well-rested, if not tender-stomached and hungry. Tom was snoring ever so slightly in his sleep, causing her to grin and look at him before slipping out from under the covers, and even with the heating having warmed the house, she shivered for a moment as she made her way to the bathroom and took a diffene for her wrist, knowing it would help her head too. Feeling crap from her night, she decided to just throw on the shower and begin the day feeling fresh. As soon as the steam began to come out of the showerhead, she jumped in, moaning as the warm water hit her, making her feel almost human again. She was in there a few moments when she remembered she was wearing the brace and took it off, popping it on the radiator in hopes of getting it to get dried once more.

She was barely in there a few minutes when a shadow came into view. "Are you joining me?" She grinned.

Tom opened the shower door, naked and smiled at her. "Feeling better?"

"Stupid migraines, I haven't had one with vomiting in years, that wasn't fun."

"I can well imagine." He stepped in and closed the door behind him, sighing contently as the warm water hit him too. "I am glad you feel better, but you are going to have to start talking to me when you are sick."

"I know." She gave an apologetic smile. "I will."

"You say that, but you said so after your fall too, why won't you trust me?"

"I do trust you."

"Then why is this something you fight so ardently?"

"Because you're Tom Hiddleston and can have any woman you want and I am just a no one, frumpy, short and boring, seeing me sick is not going to make me any more attractive and when I am injured, I am not the strong sort of woman you like." She explained.

Tom stared at her for a moment, in truth, he thought she had to be joking, but her sheepish demeanour told him that she genuinely thought herself beneath him. "Elle, we all get sick, everyone does, the sexiest person alive gets sick and no one can pull off sick as sexy, and as for you not being strong, you came over here, alone, and made the life you wanted for yourself, you refuse to take shit from anyone, including the biggest brat to ever hit the music industry and you got her to back down from you, not the other way around and you think yourself weak, you are terrifyingly strong." He declared. "I am terrified you want someone stronger than me, someone, who can deal with things better than I can."

"You deal with everything so well, you don't ever seem phased."

"I shit myself all the time, interviews, auditions, hell even if I see a camera pointing at me or a fan walking over to me in the street, because I have no idea what is going to happen and I can't control it, but you, you take control, Taylor Fucking Swift came up to you and you dismissed her as a talentless nobody whose opinion was irrelevant, think about that, she had the gumption to state she was not complicit in any of that song of its lyrics, then was caught lying on camera and still held her head high as though she was not caught out and you had her scuttling off like a beetle. You are terrifying and fiery and I am so often terrified I am not good enough for you."

Danielle gave a small grin, "Well, yeah, when you say it like that I sound badass." She let the waterfall on her face for a moment before wiping it off again and looking at him. "How about we have breakfast and have that talk?"

"I think we need to." he agreed. "But before we go any further, this is not to end things, not to destroy what we're building, right?"

"I want to talk about everything, not just the random statement about two to three kids and a house in a suburb, a proper conversation on it all."

"Well, any boy is going to Eton, that's a must, and don't let Benedict say that Harrow is better because that is bullshit, I will tell you that now." He stated, causing Danielle to smile before she reached for her shampoo.

"So, sitting room or in here?" Danielle looked at Tom as she placed the last of their dishes on the side of the sink to drain. "To talk." She looked at him slightly apprehensively. "You seemed so sure about it a short while ago."

"I was hoping we could go out and do it." Tom frowned at her. "Walk Mac and talk. I feel like I haven't walked my own dog is a couple of weeks and after being cooped up all yesterday and for ages before Christmas, I want some fresh air."

"What if someone spots us?"

"We'll go to the woods, if there is someone there, they deserve to get photos. We don't have to." she backtracked.

"You...you want to risk being seen?" There was a glint of excited hope in his voice.

"I want to be with you, Tom, I don't particularly like the idea that someday, I will be on a tabloid comparing me to Taylor and being viciously attacked for existing by random people online, but yes, I want to be with you in public, well, start the process anyway." She smiled.

"I'll get Mac's lead," Tom stated, rushing off with a large goofy grin on his face. Smiling, Danielle dried her hands and retrieved her jacket. "We'll take the car out since you were ill this morning; actually, should we call the hospital, you did have the fall, are they related?"

"I don't think so, I think it was just an exhaustion migraine."

"Maybe we should anyway..."

"Tom, if I feel ill again, I will fully consent to you bringing me to the hospital, but I feel fine, so please, let's just go." She stated.

"Fine, I need a cover for the back seat, I cannot imagine Mac is going to be overly clean after our walk."

"In the press where his lead is, there are plastic-backed blankets just for him." She instructed. "Here."

"No, you're injured, I have them," Tom went and got what was needed. "I am going to get some old clothes so I don't care if I get ruined, you get yourself and Mac ready." He instructed.

"Yes, sir." Danielle gave a small military salute and giggled. "Tell your mam where we are going too, she would go mad if the day after she warns me to be good, I run off and ignore her."

"She'd appreciate that." Tom nodded. "Off with you." He walked over to his mothers, his Jaguar still outside Danielle's door from collecting her from the hospital two days previous, when he entered his mother's, he chuckled slightly. His niece had apparently not forgotten she only say half of the movie and forced them all to watch it again, much to her father's chagrin. "Elle and I are walking Mac in the woods, we'll be back in about two hours." He informed them.

"The two of you?" Sarah smiled.

"Yes, we need to talk about a few things, and Mac needs a walk, so it makes sense to sort it all together."

"Is everything alright?" Diana asked worriedly.

"Great, we just want to talk about some things in general mum, nothing to worry about," Tom promised. "She just wanted me to tell you we were going because she knows after the last day, you would be worried."

Diana gave an uncertain smile, "Thank you, darling."

Giving his mother a kiss on the cheek, he ran upstairs and got what he needed before he ran down again, with his car keys in hand and ran out to his car, where Mac and Danielle were waiting patiently. "Ready?"

"We are." Her smile filled him with confidence that they would easily be able to talk through everything and achieve whatever they needed to.

There was very little said between the house and the woods, both thinking over everything they had to say, Mac Tíre happily lying on the back seat looking at the world going by. They parked up at the gate that Danielle had waited for an ambulance at. "Where is your bike, by the way?"

"It got badly damaged in the fall," She sighed. "The guy that found me works for the park, he said they will scrap it, it's all it's good for now." She explained as they got out and locked the car. "Will this be alright here?" She pointed to the car.

"How many are going to try and rob the only Jag I have ever seen around here?" Tom chuckled. "It is fine." They walked in a little, Mac off the lead so he could sniff around, but Tom kept his lead ready in case they needed it. "Where do we start?"

"Well, we could do a loop and come back here, but you have to makes sure on the fourth crossroads you take a right."

"I meant in this conversation, Elle."

"I know, I was just trying to not be the one to start it," she explained. "Right, so I guess we start with what we want from this. Both of us aren't in this for some fun I take it, this is a serious, wanting to try and start a life together relationship."

"Aiming towards marriage and kids down the road in a few years if it works," Tom stated.

"So that's a start. I am not overly bothered on marriage, I mean if I get married, great, but to me, it is a piece of paper, it is not as important as people make it out to be." She explained.

"You still feel like that?" Tom asked, remembering her saying something to Emma a few years previous on the matter.

"I want a proper happy relationship, a piece of paper does not dictate your happiness in a relationship." She explained further. "If in a few years, you and I are still doing this, and marriage seems like a good step, I would happily do so, but it is not a requirement for me is what I am saying."

"Alright, and kids?"

"Nice, but again, not a requirement. I have plans I want to get done first." She explained. "You?"

"I don't want to have children in the same position as I was in, I want it to be done properly, two parents, happy together."

"Is that part of the reason you discuss my parents, you think I have the background that would make it more likely to happen?"

"I never thought of anything like that, consciously anyway, but it could be that; I cannot say what my subconscious thinking, but in truth, no I had not thought of that," Tom answered honestly. "Does my parent's break-up make you feel somewhat worried?"

"No, we are not our parents, their good or their bad. Your parents were not happy, what is the point them being in a bad marriage if it would have affected you, Em's and Sarah negatively. You had two homes where your parents were more at peace, and in turn able to parent you better than one toxic home." She stated.

"Fair point." Tom conceded. "So this plan of yours?"

"I want to further myself in this job, I want to be the one that the studio contracts, not being called in by a firm for a studio." She stated. "I want it that I answer to me, if I am up at four am for a shoot, then I am the one bringing home all the cash, not someone else sitting in a swivel chair in an office getting the lion's share and me pulling only a salary." She explained.

"You see, you have so much drive." Tom pointed out. "What do I need to do to help you achieve that?"

"If I say that I need to study, let me; if I pull a fifteen-hour day, drag me away from said study for food." She suggested.

"Only if you do the same with me and scripts."

"Deal." She smiled fondly. "I promise to keep you in tea and other sustenance too."

"Well then, it appears we have an accord my darling." He grinned, taking her injured hand and gently kissing it. "What are we going to do when this comes out?"

"Us?" Tom nodded. "Do we get a warning?"

"Magazines, usually yes, fans and online, usually no."

"I think we should be prepared, we should have a picture, one of us, happy and pre-planned, doing something natural, at home on the couch, out with Mac, something that is really us, and when they all come for their blood, we use that, give it to your social media, take their power off them, give people the details before they can."

Tom smiled, "That is a great idea."

"I want this to be ours for as long as we can, but if there is a chance we are spotted, I want you to do what you can to release it first. If there is a situation where we know it will be public, say an event where we can't prevent it, do it as far in advance of it as possible."

"Alright."

"I am not a very public person Tom, I am not good with dressing beautifully and looking good for a camera, I am not sure if I can ever do for you what Sophie does for Ben."

"I disagree with your idea of your beauty, but would never force you to. If you are not willing to go on a red carpet, I don't want to do that to you." Danielle said nothing for a short while. "What is it?"

"I thought things were getting better with Emma, but she went back to being mad as soon as we mentioned me staying with you."

"She needs to get over herself, she is five months older than you and half your maturity," Tom growled. "She and Jack moved in together and I said nothing, literally nothing, because I knew they were happy together and he would treat her right, she needs to extend the same courtesy to us."

"I just want my friend back."

"I know, darling." Tom pulled her close to him. "What other concerns do you have?"

"How do I prepare for people saying I am nothing but a golddigger?"

"I'm afraid I have no idea."

"Really, not even after the summer, I mean, every second paper was saying you were after a Sugar Mama."

Tom scoffed. "Really?"

"Yes."

"I never noticed."

"How do you ignore that sort of thing?"

"I don't read about myself online, I once did it, and they were all discussing what I am like in bed, that put a quick end to that."

"I hope they were at least complimenting."

"There are social media pages dedicated to discussing my size." He exclaimed.

"Were they generous?"

"Not the point, Elle."

"Well, at least they are nice about you."

"Some are, others aren't, especially after..."

"Well some people were never going to be happy anyway, others probably just held that opinion of her, to begin with, and wondered what brought you two together."

"Do you wonder?"

"No, I don't, and I don't care." She stated firmly.

"Why did you react like that?" Tom asked. "So vehemently against even knowing."

"I don't want to know Tom, I don't discuss Paul, I don't want to discuss Taylor, it is weird to focus on exes, I don't mind discussing her new songs or how Paul is doing, but the relationships, no, unless there is something long term as a result, I'm good not knowing."

"Okay..."

"Do you want to know the intricate details of my time with Paul?" Tom's facial expression answered her question. "Well, same here. They both have their lives, we are trying to sort ours, so we will leave it at that."

Tom gave her a loving smile. "You are so mature, you know that?"

"I am in my late twenties, if I wasn't by now, I would be worried."

"Well so many people remain bitter."

"Why, though, I mean, then they are taking up space in your head and preventing you from being happy if you do that, so off with them."She shrugged. "Now, enough on that, what else do you and I need to talk about?"

"The house?"

"Yours or mine?"

"The one in London."

"So yours."

"If it's your home Elle, it is not mine, it is ours."

"Your name is on the deeds."

"That shouldn't matter too much, should it?"

"I suppose not." Her tone defeated.

Tom looked at her, "You can choose not to stay if you want."

"I want to, I am just scared."

"Of what?"

"If I alter things, put new books in, borrow one and you go looking for it; if I do something to something you don't want to be touched..."

"Hey, stop that now." Tom stood in front of her, "I gave you that key because I wanted you to feel comfortable, because I know you are going to be very busy and tired for the next few months with work and to ensure we got to see each other as often as possible in that time, I did not do so without thinking of the alterations that would no doubt happen with us both being there. I saw how you were over the past couple of weeks, and I know you were so busy you did not get a chance to actually get comfortable, but bar your terrible book organisational skills, I know you're tidy, jovial and quiet the most of the time, I actually like that."

"Really, attacking my books, again."

"Darling, there is nothing wrong with your books, how you organise them is the issue."

Danielle threw her eyes up at him, causing him to chuckle before getting serious again. "Are you worried about when I am away?"

"About being by myself, not that no, I can handle that."

Tom processed her words, "But you are concerned?" Danielle failed to respond. "What are you scared of?"

"You work with gorgeous, funny, intelligent women." Tom froze, knowing what she was implying. "If you rather one of them, could you please just, I dunno, send me a text, ring me, do anything other than waiting until after, or not tell me and let me find out some terrible way." she looked at him pleadingly. "I don't want to be made a fool of Tom, especially, Jesus, if it ended up on a rag paper and the whole world knew before me, I couldn't take the looks or sympathy, or in some cases, delight."

Tom looked at her for a moment, he was hurt she would think him capable of that, he was never one to consider such a thing, but he wasn't an idiot, it happened a lot in his industry, every second week if rag mags were to be believed. "I would not do that, you know that right? But, if by some chance I did find myself wanting to do such, I would never hurt you like that." He promised, looking directly into her eyes. "I mean it, Elle, I could not do that to you."

"Okay, please just remember that. I rather be heartbroken that we didn't last than crushed by you trying to say you're sorry or you didn't want to hurt me. I rather be hurt by the honesty than by betrayal."

"I will, but on that note, I know I am not always home, I know I am gone a lot and that has been a reason why I have not partaken in relationships a lot over the past few years, I don't like the idea of leaving someone behind. If I neglect you if another man realises just how amazing you are when I am not there, if he..." Tom swallowed hard at the words he was forcing out. "If he gives you what I can't, please, I..."

Danielle gave him a comforting smile. "We respect each other enough to do the right thing, deal?"

"Deal." Tom's eyes were glassy, the idea of Danielle casting him aside for someone else, alone hurt him more than he thought it would. She was not someone who would cheat, she seemed to be almost aggressive towards those who were, it was something she had never understood or stood for, even when a friend of hers in a terrible marriage had cheated, as much as she hated the husband and thought the friend should leave, she still snapped at the woman for lowering herself to such a level. He felt somewhat unsure of what to do next until Danielle placed her hand in his.

"So, really, you'd want to ship your hypothetical sons to Eton?"

"I didn't mind it."

"I thought you said you felt alone there?"

"But it is a good education."

"And what of your daughters, should you have some?" She asked curiously.

"Why don't you like the idea of private schools?"

"Private schools is one thing, boarding schools are another; I hated it." Tom paused and looked at her. "I lasted one semester, and when I came home for Christmas, I refused to go back."

"I didn't..."

"I know, so when you said my parents didn't want to invest in my education, they did, I just didn't want that. I was happier in a normal school."

"I never should have said that. Did I even apologise for it, I am so sorry for the horrible things I said to you that day, for how I acted, when you had had such a terrible night."

"In your defence, I used the 'p' word, so I sort of deserved it." She countered. "So, are we okay?"

"I think so, I cannot think of anything else right now. I cannot believe I am finally discussing these things, I thought I had ruined any chance of all of this for myself."

"How so?"

"I kept pushing people away."

"Why did you let me in?"

"Because when I think about having something with you, I feel excited. I have not felt that before."

"Well, I mean, I am fabulous." She grinned, fanning herself.

"I concur." Tom smiled, taking her hand and kissing it again. "Are we already nearly back to the car?"

"Yep."

"Good, I want lunch."

Danielle laughed, "How are you as lithe as you are?"

"Well of late, I have been partaking in some very amorous acts that aid me in maintaining my physique."

"Is that right?" Danielle gave a smirk and a raised brow. "How very good of your significant other to be so selfless as to assist you in such a manner."

"I know, and I think I know how to thank her."

"Well now, you have me wanting to run back to the car."

"Good." Tom burst into a sprint.

"What! Not fair, I'm short." Danielle shouted as she started to run.

"Excuses." Tom laughed as he ran on, seeing her follow, Mac Tíre easily outstripped them, circling around the pair several times as they ran as though taunting them of his speed and durability.

"That was mean." Danielle puffed as she slowed down at the car.

Tom leant against it, feeling somewhat out of breath himself. "I won."

"You had a head start and long legs you fucker, that's cheating."

"I can't help my height."

"Neither can I." she walked over to him, but before she could poke or elbow him, Tom pulled her to him and looked down at her.

"I am so glad I finally have you."

"You're not so bad yourself, Hiddles." She leant up and kissed him.

"What if someone catches us?"

"Fuck em." she grinned, kissing him again.

#I Hate You I Love You #chapter 57 #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic

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canyouhearthelight · 5 years

Text

Lydia Woke Up

So, I have decided to post the short horror story that I originally submitted to Haha Ohno. While I did not get very many responses on the poll I posted, the likes, reblogs, and DMs that I received were all from people whose opinions matter very intensely to me. Additionally, no one actually discouraged me from posting, so... “Audacity. Always audacity”

As a thank you for your support, this story is dedicated to:

@parisconstantine @baelpenrose @charlylimph-blog @terrastone3 (yes, I see you liking all my stories and reblogging as much as possible. Thank you.)

Content warnings: mild body horror, hospital setting, doctors, nurses, restraints used in a medical setting. If I missed one and it triggers you, please let me know and I’ll add that tag so you can avoid the post in the future. I’ll even tell you the ending if you don’t make it that far (I promise, it will possibly help with the triggering).

Lydia woke up.

The room was dark. And cold. Lydia tried to sit up, but found she was bound to the – bed? – she was on with a strap around her chest. When she reached up to remove it, her wrists were bound as well.

What is going on? She thought, her pulse racing. A door cracked open with a groan, a sliver of light blinding her right eye. “What is going on?” she asked in a panic. “Who are you?” Her questions went ignored as someone approached her bed. She felt a wiggling sensation on the back of her hand before her arm was suddenly on fire. BURNING, BURNING…. The fire crept up to her shoulder before spreading to her neck and chest. It crept with fingers like lava toward her heart as she screamed her throat raw, each breath more and more painful.

Just let me die… she thought as she blacked out.

**************************************

Lydia woke up.

“WHAT IS GOING ON!?” She screamed. Her arm didn’t burn anymore, but she still felt a numb pain in it as she struggled against the restraints. As soon as she heard the doorknob twitch, she screwed her eyes shut and screamed, over and over asking what was happening to her. Again, she was ignored. She braced herself against the expected pain in her arm, only to startle at the sound of – a drill? A saw? – before blinding pain bit into her head. Howling and the smell of blood were the last things she remembered.

**************************************

Lydia woke up.

The room was dark. And cold. Lydia tried to sit up, but found she was bound to the bed she lay on, with a strap around her chest. When she reached up to remove it, her wrists were bound as well.

“STOP THIS!!!!” she shrieked before dissolving into sobs. Her arm ached coldly, like a long-healed injury, and her head was pounding. It was still far below the white-hot pain she remembered before blacking out, and neither sensation made sense. Neither injury felt like the type that should subside so quickly. She was confused, in pain, and afraid.

This time, she shut her eyes tightly as soon as she woke up, and kept them closed as she heard footsteps approach her. She didn’t bother to beg answers of the person in the room. Whoever it was, if they could ignore screams and pleading, she didn’t know that she wanted the answers. The sensation of wiggling in the back of her hand repeated itself, but there was no burning as the footsteps receded. As soon as the door closed, her skin felt tight and swollen.

It didn’t stop there. As she lay there, she felt her body stretch and ache. Joints locked and twisted. She felt feverish and… distended, like nothing was in place and everything that should be inside her body was beyond the limits of her skin. It was hard to tell how much time passed, but she realized that she was having difficulty breathing. First, she had to think about it, then it was a labor to draw each breath. As she slowly lost the energy to pull air into her lungs, she could only think on the additional misery of waiting for this to end.

**************************************

Lydia woke up.

Dark, cold room. Restrained. She gasped in with the newfound ease of each breath, brushed the cool pillow with her cheek. Everything fit inside her body again, and she was too caught up in the sensation to pay attention to her arm or her head. Her eyes lay blissfully closed as light danced across her eyelids at the creak of the door. Pain shot through her head anew as she opened her eyes wide at the sound of the tool from before. This time, instead of the expected pain in her head, it lanced down her left leg. She screamed and screamed in agony, begging the person to stop. Eventually, she tasted copper in her mouth as she tried to keep shouting, only hearing a hoarse grunt leave her throat. “No more,” she croaked. “Please just let me die.”

**************************************

Lydia woke up.

She had both legs, now. They – whoever They were – burned her alive under strange lamps, no doubt watching gleefully – or maybe worse, clinically, as her skin crisped and her hair fell away.

Lydia woke up.

Whole and aching, cool to the touch. She spent agonizing hours with the sensation of something crawling under her skin until it crawled into her brain.

Lydia woke up.

They hacked away at her. Toes first. Then fingers. Her eyesight went dodgy until they scooped out those, too. Finally, she felt them sawing at her chest and pawing at her heart as she struggled to breathe again.

Lydia woke up.

Again. And again. Over and over, no matter how many humiliations she endured, no matter how much they sawed and cut and burned her. She woke up over and over, to find fresh torture.

Finally, blessedly, Lydia didn’t wake up.

**************************************

“Doctor Sturgess,” the nurse shook him gently. “There’s something wrong. We need you to come down to the lab.”

“Mmmm,” Doctor Sturgess muttered. “Why do they need me down there?”

“Well, the tests failed, sir.”

“All the tests?” He snapped to alertness. “That shouldn’t be possible.”

“Well, Johannsen said – “

“I don’t care what Johannsen said,” he interrupted, part anger and part panic. “It’s a computer. It shouldn’t be able to run out of tests.”

“He said something about the combinations of illnesses,” the nurse pleaded. “Please, just come straighten it out?”

“Fine,” Doctor Sturgess grunted.

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missmentelle · 5 years

Text

Post #1000 (FAQ)

When I started this blog a few years ago, I couldn’t have imagined that it would grow as quickly as it did - and I definitely didn’t expect to make it to a thousand posts and beyond! I’m so grateful for each and every one of you who has sent in asks, reblogged and liked my posts, or sent me messages and replies. I really wouldn’t still be going if it wasn’t for you.

So in honour of post #1000, I thought I would take some time to answer some of the most common questions that I get about me, my blog, and the issues that matter to me!

What should I call you? Miss Mentelle?

You can call me MissMentelle, Miss Mentelle, Miss, Mentelle, Ment, MM, or just M. Really, call me anything you like, none of those are my real name.

What kind of education do you have in mental health? Where did you go to school?

I have a Bachelor of Arts Honors degree in psychology, from a large public research university in Canada. I’ve completed a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology (concentration in forensic psychology) from a fancy private university in the USA. I’m also a certified rape crisis counselor in NY state.

Have you ever actually worked in mental health in real life?

I sure have. I volunteered at a suicide hotline and a walk-in mental health distress centre as an undergraduate, and then after graduating I spent two years working with homeless and high-risk inner-city youth in a large Canadian city, doing counselling and psych testing. I then both worked and volunteered at a rape crisis centre in NYC. My hands-on experience working with mental health has mostly been made up of extremes - I have personally dealt with or been present for overdoses, gang fights, suicide attempts, sexual assaults, underage prostitution, psychotic breakdowns, and one instance of gun violence.

Are you a psychologist?

I am not. I am not qualified to give anyone a diagnosis. I am qualified to administer and score psych tests, but I am not qualified to interpret the results. Becoming a full-fledged licensed psychologist is a major goal of mine.

Why did you start this blog?

When I was working with homeless kids, we had a constant, ongoing problem where many of the kids had absorbed extremely unhealthy ideas about relationships that caused many of them to enter or stay in life-ruining relationships. No matter how hard we tried to counter these ideas and teach the kids about healthy relationships, it never seemed to make much difference. I was required to maintain separate “work” social media accounts that the kids could use to communicate with me, because that was the only means of communication that most of them had, and once I started seeing their social media feeds, it became pretty obvious that most of them were getting their information about love, sex and relationships from incredibly damaging posts being shared on social media. I couldn’t compete with that kind of influence as their mental health worker. So I decided to go online myself, and start creating healthier content to teach kids about these things, not as their worker, but as a blogger. It grew from there.

Why do you always spell words like “centre” and “cheque” so weird?

I’m Canadian. You can pry my British spellings from my cold, dead hands. “Cheque” in particular seems to really bother people, but I promise you, that’s how non-Americans spell it.

What’s your real name?

Nice try, person-who-is-clearly-trying-to-steal-my-identity.

Do you do anything other than mental health?

Of course! I’m a writer in real life, and I’ve published stories in several mainstream anthologies. I also do stand-up comedy, write for a major comedy website, and run a true crime podcast.

Can I send you an ask?

You definitely can!

What can I ask you about?

Pretty much anything that you feel comfortable asking me - I’ve answered questions about depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, personality disorders, romantic relationships, school problems, friendships, family relationships, parenting, pregnancy, sex, sexuality, and pretty much every mental-health-related topic in between. If I don’t know the answer, I will do some research and try to find the answer, or point you toward someone who does know. I also answer personal questions about myself, my schooling and my experiences, as well as general questions about how to break into this field as a career.

Are you LGBTQ+?

Yes. I am a bi-romantic ace woman. I openly date both women and men, with no strong preference either way. I am not out to my parents, as most of my long-term partners happen to be male, and that’s not a conversation I want to have with them until it’s strictly necessary. I routinely blog about what it’s like to date while bi and ace and closeted, and I’m happy to answer questions on that topic.

Are you mentally ill yourself?

Sometimes. I have OCD that is mostly mild/dormant, but it occasionally pops up again when I’m stressed, and it can lead to me spending hours in obsessive thought-spirals where I endlessly worry about things I have no control over, instead of doing anything productive. My OCD makes me believe that I will cause bad things to happen if I have “bad” or “wrong” thoughts that I don’t immediately balance out with “good” thoughts, and even though I know that’s completely irrational, my brain doesn’t agree. I also have ADHD, which I’ve learned to manage, and Tourette’s, which was extremely embarrassing for me as a child, but has gotten milder with age.

What topics do you know the most about?

My master’s degree is in forensic psychology, and that’s what I know the most about. My specific areas of expertise are conduct disorder, anti-social personality disorder, oppositional defiant disorder and other severe childhood behavioural problems, psychopaths, paraphilias, the relationship between psychology and crime, FASD, and the ongoing suicide crisis among First Nations youth. I almost never get asks on any of these topics.

Can I request a post on a certain topic?

You sure can! I would love to know what my followers are actually interested in learning more about.

I sent you an ask weeks ago and you still haven’t answered! Do you hate me?

I don’t! I get a lot of asks, and unfortunately, I have a pretty full schedule that doesn’t leave me enough time to answer all of them in a timely fashion. I do answer all asks eventually, but it might take me a while to get to everyone, and I thank you all in advance for your patience.

What can do to make sure you answer my ask?

I get to everyone eventually, but I do get to some quicker than others. There’s no guaranteed way to ensure a quick answer, but you’ll probably get a faster reply if you’re asking me a question that I don’t see very often. I’m also faster to reply to asks that give me a specific question (”Where can I find resources to learn meditation?”, “What’s the difference between a PhD and a LMHC?”) than I am at replying to more vague asks, or asks that don’t really ask a specific question (”I’m sad”).

What topics do you get the most asks about?

It varies over time, but in general, the most common asks I see are variants of: “I’m trying to set boundaries with my friend but they aren’t listening”, “I’m sad but I’m not sure what to do about it”, “I need to tell my therapist something but I don’t know how”, “I’m not sure if this relationship is healthy”, and “I went through a breakup and I’m having a hard time getting over it”. I’m happy to keep answering these kinds of questions, but I encourage you to read through my archives a little if that’s the sort of issue that you’re facing.

I’m just starting out as an advice or mental health blogger! Will you promote my page?

Probably not. I get several requests like this per day, and I don’t really have time to vet everyone who asks me this to see if I’m comfortable recommending you to my followers. Plus, most of the blogs that send me requests like this are run by people who don’t have any mental health credentials, and unfortunately, I’m just not comfortable endorsing mental health blogs that don’t have some sort of professional education or experience behind them.

Can I send you a private message?

Of course! You should know, though, that I’m worse at responding to private messages than I am at responding to asks. Unfortunately, many of the people who have sent me private messages in the past have done so with the expectation that I will provide ongoing mental health support for them or that I will talk them through an ongoing crisis, and I unfortunately don’t have to time to do that for everyone who wants it. I’m a little bit wary of private messages for that reason, but I do still read and answer them.

Why do you write such long posts and answers?

I was that kid in elementary school who asked if “3-5″ pages was a maximum, or if I could write more than that. I have never grown out of being that type of person.

What should I do with my life?

I don’t know. Sometimes I barely know what to do with my own life. I can point you toward resources to help you figure stuff out, but I can’t tell you what to do - you’re the expert on your own life, not me.

How do I get therapy?

This is actually a really hard question for me to answer. It depends on your individual situation, as well as your financial resources, geographic location and insurance situation. Most of the time, I just don’t have enough information to give you an answer. I can tell you about some online resources and telephone hotlines that you can try, but you’re probably going to have to do your own research about how to access long-term professional mental health services in your area.

Should I break up with my partner?

I can’t really give you a straight answer to that either - I don’t know either of you, and I can’t make such a huge decision for you, especially when I only have a couple hundred words of backstory on the relationship. I can tell you whether the relationship sounds healthy or not, based on what you’ve told me, and I can tell you some general information about situations that might cause people to break up, but you have to be the one to actually make the decision about whether or not to pull the plug.

I don’t like my medication, should I stop taking it?

I’m not a doctor and I can’t answer that. Stopping medication suddenly and without medical supervision can be dangerous - if you are having issues with your medication, you need to speak to a doctor about it as soon as possible.

I want to be a psychologist! How do I do that?

I’ve answered this question pretty extensively a couple of times, but the answer boils down to this: get the best GPA you possibly can, get as much research experience as possible, take lots of stats classes, register for the GRE early, do lots of research on graduate programs, and don’t be disappointed if it takes you a few years to get in. I think that covers most of my Frequently Asked Questions! If you have anything else that you’d like to know, leave it in the replies to this post, or send it in as an ask! Here’s to 1000 more posts!

#missmentelle #personal #post #FAQ #frequently asked questions #mental health #mental illness #career #school #psychology #grad school

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