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evolutionsvoid · 3 years

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"Before you even say anything, here is a hundred pieces. You let me stay and they're all yours. I just....I just need a drink. A real drink! Please, its been a long day and nowhere else lets me in! I promise I won't make trouble and I will make sure they don't either. Thank you, kind sir, thank you so much. I am at wits end here and need something strong to keep me sane. I will have two steins of your strongest stuff, and also a plate of chicken gizzards and any other junk meat you got. Organs, cartilage, whatever you got, they ain't picky. Here's your coin for that, and you can keep the change if you are willing to hear me vent. Ah, you barkeeps are a godsend! You hear our woes and grant the cure. Bottoms up to that!" "Ah! Just what I needed! You would not believe what I got to put up with! This little...well, I guess it will make more sense to you if I start at the beginning. Should be pretty obvious that I am sort of a magic fellow. Was always interested in it at a young age, thought it was the greatest stuff in the world. I dreamed of shooting hellfire from my hands, lifting houses with my mind and flying with nothing more than a word. So when I was shown to have a knack for the magics and whatnot, I was ecstatic. When I learned what magic really was, that kind of killed the mood. Dusty books and ancient scrolls, all bound by a mountain of rules and laws. You can't do this without having that, you aren't allowed to cast until your level thirty whatever and no spells during off hours! And when we were allowed to use magic, it was the lamest stuff imaginable! Learn to lift a quill! Learn to sprout a seed! Make something change color! What a bore! I was ready to leave it all when I found a group who shared my misery. They hated all the paperwork and fancy doodads, and sought to get their hands on real magic. The second I heard that, I was all about it. Long story short, I wound up joining a group of warlocks and took up their lifestyle. At the time, I didn't regret it at all. I finally got to use some real deal magic, and do all the things those stuffy mages said were 'primitive' and 'uncouth.' Bunch of snobs, they turn their noses up at using sacrifices and blood magic, but then are totally fine with imprisoning someone for centuries for casting the wrong spell on the wrong day! What's so bad about the occasional ritual and sacrifice? Spill some blood here, take a heart out there and you get yourself the power of the gods! Sounds like a fair deal to me! They all whine about torturing and killing, but isn't that what human society is? Aren't all our achievements built on suffering and bone? Cripes, where would the two of us be if there wasn't human misery! Eh, don't give me that look, I am sure you've heard worse..." "Anyways, all that is well and good, but there is one thing every warlock needs to achieve their true potential: a pact. You got to contact some ancient entity and join there team to get the real good stuff. Common trash always freaks out about making pacts with demons and 'selling your soul,' but that's how you get places. You don't get to wield absolute power until you sign your name on the right human skin scroll. I wanted a piece of that, and so did my brothers, but we weren't going to sell our selves to just any demon. We wanted something with real weight, an entity that no one else could even rival. If we joined with Glar'Blax the Horrible like every other warlock, what good would that do us? So we spent ages scouring the land for the perfect host, some being that nobody else had joined with and one that could grant us magic this realm had never seen! After a while, it seemed like a lost cause. We came up with zip. Nada. Nothing. But fate guided our hands and we found a tattered scrap that spoke of the Slavering Void, the Abyssal Queen of Want, the very Empress of Oblivion! Word of her hadn't been spoken in centuries, and relics of hers were said to have been destroyed long ago. This was an entity that hadn't been mentioned in this realm for thousands of years! And we had a lead! Right then and there, we decided she would be the perfect host. It was too perfect to pass up! To be the servant of the Empress of Oblivion! The whole world would tremble at our power! We used all that we had to follow the trail and track down that ancient tome, but we finally located it. With it in hand, we would be able to summon her and sign the pact. Ultimate power would be ours, but sharing it started to sound a little bothersome. What good was it if a bunch of other losers had it as well? In the end, I was the only one to make it out of that wretched temple, the rest of those fools honorably sacrificed themselves to fill the bellies of her rotted guardians. With that, the book was mine and soon the power to bring this land to its knees would also belong to me. How naive I was..."

"I was so excited when the ritual worked, when that connection between our realms opened up. To see a fraction of her form, to hear her very voice! It was like all my childhood dreams were coming true! I don't think I breathed once as I went on and on about swearing myself to her and being her eternal servant. I praised her, bowed to her and used every piece of flattery I could think of to win her over. When she said she would consider this pact, my heart nearly exploded in my chest. At last! All that I dreamed of! But first, she had some questions. I didn't think it odd at the time, nearly every pact has to have some agreement. I figured she was just getting an idea of how much power to give me, or how I could best serve her agenda of destruction and hunger. I barely listened to the questions, I agreed to everything and said I would be the best vessel ever. 'How good are you in a position of authority?' The absolute best, my Queen! 'Are you good with disciplining others when needed?' None shall escape my justice, just say the word! 'Can you combat retaliation? Are you able to hold up to pressure?' I am an unbreakable wall for you, my Empress, none shall get in your way! And so on and so on. I said what she wanted to hear, confident I would be granted everything I ever wanted. At last, she deemed me worthy and said I would wield the most precious thing to her! Oh, here it comes! Infinite power! The might of gods! The very maw of the cosmos! And what do I get? This little WORM!"

"She drops off this slug of hers and starts laying out the rules to me, all while I stand there speechless. They eat at this time, they go to bed at this time and no more than three treats between meals! Make sure they eat their special food and no staying up late! Here is their carrier, their toys and favorite plushie, and I packed extra snacks. Contact me through here if there is trouble, but until then Mommy needs to get some rest. And POOF! That was it! No super magic for me! No immortality or power beyond imagine, just this little brat and their list of demands! It's horrible, demeaning, obnoxious! They fuss over their food, they whine when they drop their toys and they hate when I have to enforce curfew! Speaking of food, do you have the...Excellent. Thanks. Here you go you little bugger, now eat up. Also Mommy wants you to eat these carapaces she packed, so you best get to chowing. Don't bellyache to me! Mom said so, so do it! Anyways, I get stuck with this little squid here and no powers to show for it. I think it is an absolutely wretched job, but guess who sold their soul for it?! Me in my infinite genius signed on as an eternal servant for her, without even considering what that could mean. I always assumed you would be their speaker, their hand, a servant to spread their power and influence! But no! She wants me to babysit her kid and probably take out the garbage! Unbelievable! So I have been doomed ever since to lug this squid around, making sure they eat their food, mind their manners and don't go to bed too late. Bad enough when you have to do it with human kids, but this little thing can do more than shout and stomp their feet. They are certainly the child of Oblivion, and Want too! Always want, want, want! I want this, I want that! Gimme, gimme, gimme! And if they don't get what they want, then they throw a fit and start slinging magic and warping reality! Little thing wanted to play with a horse and carriage we rode once and I said no. We had places to be, and if I let them play with it then they would want to take it with us as a toy. End result? Horse implodes into a searing star of blood and unleashes a gravitational wave of gore that leveled the stable and every soul inside it. So I was kicked out of THAT town for eternity! Oh, don't look so worried, they are more agreeable when they are eating. Pushing them around your plate won't make them disappear, you have to eat them! Your mom already got on me for skipping them last week, so please just choke them down so I don't suffer! If you do it, you can have an eye candy for a treat, okay? Good. Cripes!"

"Now I know what you are thinking, that this gig isn't going to last forever. Babysitting is a temporary job, at some point Mom has to come home and take care them herself, right? A couple hours for her to get some alone time and then I am off the hook, right? Yes, but there is a catch there. This gig isn't a permanent one, only when she needs to take care of things or go to the freaking spa or whatnot, but you forget what time frame we are working with here! Humans? Minutes, hours, days. Beasts from beyond? Well, seeing that a century is a power nap for them, I would say I am not going to be relieved of duty for some time! The last time she popped in to check on things was three months ago, and all I got afterwards was a 'I will be back soon!' A time frame would be nice, oh mighty Queen! So until then, I got to tote them around and take care of them, without a moment for myself! You think a creature capable of dissolving buildings would be fine to leave alone for a few minutes, but NOPE! One day, I had had enough of it. All the whining and appeasing was driving me mad, so I called it quits for an hour. Set up a little playpen at the inn, filled it with toys and candy, dropped them inside and went on my way. I just wanted a drink and maybe some relaxation. Something to get that infernal crying out of my head! So I found a bar and made myself a resident. Two drinks turned to three and then six. I was having a wonderful time losing all my senses, when SHE showed up. Get a call inside my skull asking me whats going on. I say everything is fine and they are just down for a nap, so I let them be for just a second. I tried every explanation and excuse, but she cut through all of them. I have no clue why she needs a babysitter if she is so freaking omnipotent! Can't watch your kid yourself, but the second I cut loose, she is on me! Of course she is furious I left them alone for a couple hours, and she decides to teach me a quick lesson. Buddy, you don't know pain until someone opens a gnawing abyss in your chest cavity. Uugh, I swear I can still feel it. Fill these back up for me? You are a fine lad, the best! Drinking around the kid? Oh they don't mind. They are probably twenty times the drinking age anyw- I see you hiding those in your napkin! Eat them or no candy! Every day with this kid, I swear..." "I will say this though, it isn't all bad. Turns out I did get some of that ancient powerful magic I was hoping for from the deal. The catch is that it is all in this little worm. They have the power they inherited from their Mom, and my pact allows me to harness some of it. I get to borrow some of their abilities and magic, and they almost make this torture worth it! I absolutely vaporized one of my old professors at the mage academy without hardly trying! Decades of reading and paperwork, old man, how did those help you then!? When they tried arresting me for obliterating that horse barn, I used some of that power to get away easy! They never knew what hit them! It is exhilarating to wield and incredible to behold, but only when this little brat is in a good mood. Turns out I can't control the power if they won't let me, so if they are in a fuss I get absolute squat. So I got myself a temperamental grimoire here, that only gives me godhood when they have their plushie or if they think it is fun. Not the worse deal, but I sure would like something a bit more reliable! How many scrapes I have had to crawl my way out of because they were in a foul mood at the time! I left their favorite rattle at the inn once, so when I had to deal with a horde of bandits they just gave me guff! Had to use every trick I knew to squeeze out of that disaster! Little monster should be grateful! All the battles we went through with a random amount of magic, and they come out with hardly a scratch each time! You know why? Because I nearly kill myself every time to make sure they don't get hurt! You think Mom was mad when I left them alone for an hour? Imagine what she would do if they got a real injury! A scrape and cut is no big deal for beings like this, but if they get actually hurt, she would pull my soul apart piece by piece! Or maybe she would just take them back and obliterate this entire continent, I got no clue. I just never want to find out!"

"So what does this mean for me? I got no clue. Just got to watch the lil' squid til Mom comes and pick them up. I pray I get a reward at the end of this, though honestly a full night's sleep would be all that I truly want. Whining, crying, constantly needing entertainment...I think I am going to need to join an adventuring guild just to find enough stuff to keep them happy. Maybe if I can get into a band of mercenaries or 'heroes' or whatever, then I can find some relief. Pawn this little thing off on one of them for a few hours so I can finally get some peace! You know any places around here that has something like that? I once thought of a daycare or nursery, but the employees nearly shot me on sight when I showed up. So maybe a group of fools will take me in, with the promise of incredible power that I can provide. Well, only sometimes, but they don't need to know that. Get me one more drink? There's a good man! I can't live without this medicine! And look at that, you finally ate it all! See? That wasn't so terrible! Now here is dessert, but don't tell Mommy. This is a pact between us! You give me power and eat your food, and you get treats! Best deal you can ever make!

So you are saying down by Main Street? On the west or eas- NOW what's the problem!? What? It's Bilefruit flavored! That is your favorite kind of eye candy, why are you fussing?! You don't like Bilefruit!? SINCE WHEN!? You liked it yesterday! It was your favorite, now you hate it?! Oh no you don't! You want another piece, huh? Is that the scheme we are pulling here? Pretend you don't like it so you get an extra helping? Well, that isn't going to work! You eat it or get nothing at all! Your Mom would have me atomized if she heard I was giving you so much candy, so don't gripe! Pouting won't help you, so- hold up whoa whoa KID NO! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT! BARKEEP! BARKEEP RUN! OH GODS WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!? CUT THAT OUT! YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! OH GODS I AM SO SORRY, MAN! SEND IT BACK! SEND IT BACK, YOU LITTLE WORM! ACK! WE ARE STILL IN THIS BUILDING, YOU IDIOT, STOP CONTORTING IT! OH GODS! FINE! TAKE THE CANDY! TAKE IT!"

"Welp, banned from this town too. When we are stuck sleeping on the streets, you better not be whining...." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Dahr'Maht, The Endless Watcher" I feel like if I ever played D&D, this would be the nonsense I would try to play as.

#warlock #mage #magic #eldritch #monster #creature #art #drawing

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shirtlessfelix · 3 years

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Toot, toot toot! Am I late to wishing everyone a happy 5th anniversary? Y'nah-- ✨ Confetti, streamers!!! Cake!! >:D Speaking of cake, can we get some headcannons for Dwight, v handsome Q Quentin, and a Survivor of your choice, sharing some good ol' cake with their killer s/o? Aksksk I know that mf'n cake tastes like stale vanilla, I just know iT

Never too late to celebrate! 🎉🎂We can definitely get that! Surely the Entity puts a little effort into baking for her entertainment minions D: Maybe it tastes like nice fancy vanilla! Not Freddy's, though; he gets last year's cake.

Anniversary Cake with Killer S/O

<200 words each

Dwight: He's happy with whatever cake he can get, but he probably won't eat very much since he'd rather let his partner have as much as they want, especially when he knows his friends will give them a hard time in their next trial. They'll need the energy.

Dwight is also kind of a picky eater, so he'll scrape off some of the frosting since it overpowers the cake itself, but he'll eat it off of his fork when he's finished. His partner thinks it's ridiculous, but they tease him for it out of love.

He's not too happy to be celebrating the fifth anniversary of being in Hell, but he and his partner are happy to be together, so that's what they celebrate instead. They'll clink their forks together with a smile and feed each other the first bite.

Meg: She eats like a famished animal, messy and completely unbothered by any "manners" she's expected to have. Her partner isn't bothered by it, though; they're used to her belching and scarfing the cake down even though it doesn't taste very exciting.

Meg is also the type to lick her plate clean and then go in for seconds, thirds, fourths and do it all again, but what else can one expect from an athlete who never runs out of energy? Her partner knows how tiring trials can be, and they'd like to see the other killers' reactions to her after a full stomach of cake. Considering how difficult Meg is to catch normally, they can't imagine her on a sugar high. And if she runs into Talbot? They'll both be bouncing off the walls.

Quentin: He's a neat eater and doesn't eat too much considering he hasn't let go of his swimmer mentality. One slow forkful at a time, that's how he goes, and his partner likes watching him quietly eat his slice. When he's finished, he'll consider another slice before deciding whether or not to actually have one, and his partner will suggest they share one more.

Quentin's partner would laugh about Freddy's misfortune, but he's more worried about whether he'll be sought out for real this time over a piece of cake. His partner assures him that Freddy will be under control so long as they're there to keep it that way, and he's glad that they can look out for him.

#sffic #anon #req #hc #dbd #dead by daylight #dbd fanfic #dbd dwight #dwight fairfield #dbd quentin #quentin smith #dbd meg #meg thomas #headcanon #dbd headcanons

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nonbinarymikaela · 4 years

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I just finished watching s1 of Hannibal so here's my thoughts:

I really like the blood and gore

the psychological manipulation is interesting

are the two forensics dudes gay-coded or is that just me?

Abigail 😩

at first I hated Freddie Lounds but now I've grown to love her

the horned dude that is Will's mind's vision of Hannibal will forever give me nightmares, is it important that Will still sees that thing as the killer instead of Hannibal, like he hasn't fully reconciled the killer with Hannibal, different entities in his mind??

Tobias was probably my favorite killer, the whole serenade thing, their talk when Hannibal went to see him at his shop

is Hannibal's sense of smell an actual possible thing???? with my limited medical knowledge I doubt it but I'm not 100% sure

my friend thinks I'm fucked up bc I see Hannibal's meals as looking tasty and she is absolutely disgusted by the mere idea of them being human meat, I agree with her lmao

Abigail, oh my god Abigail 😩😩😩

every time I see the meals I also can't help but think about how picky an eater I am and how I would save myself from eating human bc of that, no way in fuck am I eating tongue or tomatoes in plasma even if it is my mom who makes them

I felt like the totem killer got resolved too easily

Abigail 😩😩😩😩 I kinda loved how Will and Hannibal became parents to her and I genuinely thought Hannibal would make her into a killer, ig that was part of his plan but I thought it would actually happen in the story

-did you make me chicken soup? -yes

I laughed a lot with that exchange, I also love how Will is so unrefined 😂😂😂 the first meal they shared it seemed like Hannibal was absolutely appalled by how he ate

on Will and eating, did Hannibal shove Abigail's ear down Will's throat or what?? I'd like to see how that played out

I'm glad they didn't show Hannibal killing Abigail, I would've cried but it does give me stupid hope that she might be alive somehow

I am wondering how the dude who made people into "angels" got himself hung

LMAO ALSO MY MOM SAW A BIT OF IT AND DECIDED SHE ALSO WANTED TO WATCH IT BC SHE LIKES COP SHOWS BUT I HAVENT TOLD HER WHAT IT IS ABOUT OR THE HORROR ASPECTS OF IT

#its a me post #long post #hannibal

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ss-prose-poetry · 4 years

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It’s rather unfair of my heart to take nosedives so quickly. I fall so very easily. Love clumsily ropes itself about my ankles and brings my chin down hard, every single time.

If I am broken, it is not for sadness or lonliness. It is for all the love I try too quickly to give away.

I read a lady’s comic, and I wish to meet her and gently propse we get a cup of tea (or coffee: I’m not picky). I read her poems and join her patreon and desire to know everything of her; I wish to know if our minds work quite similarly. I have fantisized our first meeting too many times, and, aye, the pandemic has drawn me deeper into my stories. If only I could release them in drawings, instead of being trapped with them. Then I could pretend they didn’t matter so much and I wouldn’t be hurt when sense scraped me off the sidewalk...

It’s unfair of me to desire so much when I am nothing short of spoken for.

I fall so very quickly. For the littlest things; the stuff that makes someone altogether unfathomable. Their use of color; their adoration for a particular podcast; the parts of themselves they can’t keep still; their particular flavor of comedy; their way of turning ordinary words into intoxicating phrases...

It’s terribly selfish of me. It happens all the time too. Perhaps that’s why I wish I was on my own; my selfishness could live just in my head and never be transfered hand to hand. Alas! I tried to trade all that’s wrong with me for comfort and company. It would be so brilliant to traipse my world and hand out my heart a million times, and I could be satisfied with it being returned a million times...

But instead of that, I doomed us both with the smallest pair of chain links. How dare I? How dare I propose a better fantasy for you, and I not bother to check that our feelings matched? Ah, I am the most wretched and selfish creature; I am a creature of habit and superstition. I have failed you, because I cannot change. I cannot become what’s best for us...

So what am I to do? Shall I keep tossing my heart like a nickel to each lovely soul that captures my attention, all while trying to stay by your side and accept that you could not possibly be happy with or without me?

Or shall we evolve into two separate entities who kindly write to each other very often of our little traveling days?

I know the answer you pick. I stand by it. I love you... I’m just sorry I don’t love you enough to stop being so feeble.

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halycondaze · 4 years

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a very long headcanon dump about the hegemon husk

first: a reminder. one of the many canon divergencies on my blog is that edelgard does not take the hegemon husk form during azure moon, unless otherwise stated. however, she has undergone the procedure that allows her to take the form, so it is still possible. it is also possible in verdant wind, though she never uses it. in my canon, edelgard uses the hegemon husk during her chapter in silver snow.

appearance / mechanics: as much as the appearance in canon is good, i am nothing if a pedantic, picky person, and i think she looks far too mechanical, so there are plenty of changes to take into account. the largest one is that she appears more like this, a far more sleek, understandable threat, though in my mind she would likely have digitigrade legs, and perhaps a small start of wings on her back and arms. she stands around thirteen feet tall, her hair has fallen from her crown, loose and scraggly, and the horns have become a natural part of her body. her neck is also slightly bent, as if broken. her eyes retain the black sclera and red irises, and her face is broken like porcelain. her scars are completely visible on her monstrous body, even though she is covered in black and red scales. the crest stone (see below) rests, visibly, at the base of her throat.

because she is not on an immense scale, the hegemon can move frighteningly fast. combined with her retaining raging storm and the ability of wilted flower, she is a menace to fight. she attacks in melee using her claws, and has a distance attack of magic. when she is on her last health bar, the hegemon will “root” herself, quite literally growing roots and breaking through the floorboards / pavement. she loses the ability to move, but heals at the start of every turn, and the tiles around her turn into hazardous terrain, dealing damage to units standing there at the start of every turn.

lore: as i alluded to, the hegemon husk is not a natural power from having two crests (because, frankly, that makes no sense,) and instead, is another procedure. one thing that should be noted is el’s lack of choice in the situation. when those who slither want something from her, there’s not much el can do to stop them. the masked mages opened up her throat ( while el herself was still conscious ) and implanted a crest stone, either stolen from the monastery or somewhere in the empire. this crest stone hinders her in normal conversation, as speaking is a drain, and breathing is harder. this always happens after her loss at grondor, and can be perceived as a punishment for her loss.

as a result of her surgery, el is a bit more emotional during the end of her life, and does not leave enbarr. she also requires more sleep, her body fighting off the foreign entity in her throat. she is almost totally alone during this time, so the sleeping does keep her mind off of her pain. she also begins to realize / fear that fodlan may never change, and that her goals are fruitless, and slowly spirals into suicidal ideation.

the transformation into the hegemon husk is very quick - human eyes can’t quite understand what happens, but she twists and contorts. even though it’s quick, it’s very painful, and she screams at the top of her lungs, even as her voice morphs into the monstrous cant. as the hegemon attacks her former friends, she will mock and berate them, accuse them of betrayal and scream. as the hegemon, she can’t really control herself, or her feelings. the hegemon is edelgard, without the mask on her feelings.

transforming back into a human, however, takes much longer, and will kill her, unless she has intense medical attention. immediately, she will return to human scale, and her legs and neck return to normal, though her eyes remain red. this happens much the same as the first transformation. however, she will still be covered in the scales and feathers, and indeed, would be nude without them. she is in intense, unknowable pain, her bones practically broken and the crest stone still lodged in her throat.

usually, this is the point where either byleth or one of the black eagles will kill her. she begs for one of them to end her misery - though her voice is broken and it’s mostly coming out as sobs. in the final moments of her life, el is honest about her pain, and her last words are, of course, “i wanted to walk with you.”

if she is not killed right after, el starts to shed, making essentially a nest of her own scales and feathers. this is where medical attention comes into play. as she sheds, her body just cannot make enough skin cells to keep up, and el would essentially bleed to death without healing. the shedding ends about a week later, at which point, her eyes turn back to lavender.

even once she is transformed back, edelgard will always have chronic pains after the transformation. now, yes, she already has chronic pain, but these are generally worse, and center on her throat, fingertips, and knees. she also needs to have the crest stone removed, or she will never speak above a very quiet tone. were she forced to transform twice, edelgard would not likely survive.

the hegemon is edelgard’s last resort - she wants to fix fódlan, has tied her worth so much to being “the emperor who ended the crest system” that she cannot imagine living without that. she would rather die and be remembered a monster than to live in a world where she failed. it’s one of the many reasons why she thinks she must die if she loses. silver snow is especially cruel, because for a very long time, she believes the professor and her friends will agree with her, had some hope, which was dashed on the stones.

#☆ﾟ*・ﾟwith a lily for a stamp — ↳ edelgard headcanon.#me crying while i write this? more than likely #suicidal thoughts -#death -#uuuhg idk how tag this this is a MESS

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eyesupmarksman · 4 years

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Ice Cream Asks

literally no one asked me to do this but i’m depressed and bored so--

Chocolate: When was your first kiss?

22 (technically 18, but I’m not counting it shh)

French Vanilla: How old are you?

24, but feel 80!

Cotton Candy: Three places you want to travel to?

Berlin, Rome, anywhere along the Amalfi Coast where I can be boujee

Strawberry: A language you wish you could speak?

I want to be better at Irish. We learn it here from 4 years old to about 17/18, and not a single person in Ireland can string a sentence together (it’s taught so badly within school). I was so bad at it. But I feel like I’m getting better now.

Coffee: Favourite cosmetic brands?

None. I don’t wear makeup lmao

Mint Chocolate Chip: Indoors or outdoors?

If it’s a nice day, outdoors. But I live in Ireland. So it’s never a nice day.

Cookie Dough: Do you play any instruments?

Violin (but very badly lol)

Rocky Road: Favourite songs at the moment?

Setting Sun - Lord Huron / Cloudbusting - Kate Bush / Anything Novo Amor has Ever Composed

Butter Pecan: Favourite songs for life?

Dinner and Diatribes - Hozier / Attica - Hailaker / Thus Always To Tyrants - The Oh Hellos

Cheesecake: What's your zodiac sign?

Aquarius

Toasted Coconut: The beach or the pool?

Beach. I can’t swim so I ain’t going near the water lmao

Chocolate Chip: What's your most popular post?

It’s a post I made about being slightly annoyed of people comparing Hozier to Hades when he’s clearly Lugh, the Irish pagan warrior entity symbolising the arts and law

Bubblegum: books or movies?

D: Movies. Books. Books. Movies. Movies--

Pistachio: manga or anime?

Neither tbh

Salted Caramel: Favourite Movies?

Children of Men by Alfonzo Cuaron (not the happiest film, but an amazing film) / The Man from U.N.C.L.E by Guy Ritchie / Rogue One by Gareth Edwards (the superior of the Star Wars films don’t @ Me)

Birthday Cake: Favourite books?

Lovely War by Julie Berry (I CRIED) / All That Remains by Dr. Sue Black (if you like bones and death, it’s very interesting!) / Mythos by Stephen Fry (I like Greek Mythology. I like Stephen Fry. Need I say more?)

Moose Tracks: Favourites for manga?

I’ve never read any D:

Orange Sherbet: Favourites for anime?

Never seen any (or any that I can remember)

Peanut butter: Favourite academic subject?

I did an English and History degree so either-or.

Black Raspberry: Do you have any pets?

I have an English Cocker spaniel called Leo, and three horses (fully owned by me) called Kaliban, Sysaro, and Romeo. There’s another horse on loan to me called Dante (or Danny) and he’s an actual demon from the nine circles of hell--

Mango: When and why did you start your blog?

2012 (gross). I don’t...really know.

Mocha: Ideal weather conditions?

Sun’s out (gun’s out), with a slight breeze. I cannot COPE with heat. I need a breeze lol

Black Cherry: Four words that describe you?

Funny (I think I’m funny); Independent (too much so for my own good); Dependable (again, too much for my own good); emotionally-compromised (oop)

Neapolitan: Things that stress you out?

Anything and everything.

Raspberry Truffle: Favourite kind of music?

Indie-Alternative-Rock ???

Chocolate Marshmallow: Favourite brands of candy?

I don’t really eat candy anymore, but I am partial to a good Dairymilk chocolate bar.

Toffee: A card game that you're good at?

Coup. It’s a game about lying. And I am very good at lying to people’s faces.

Lemon Custard: Do you eat breakfast?

I make sure to eat food in the morning...does that count?

Dark chocolate: Turn-ons?

Humour. Be able to make me laugh, to be honest...

Fudge: Turn-offs?

Arrogance and ignorance. The two tend to go hand in hand. Also a pure lack of communication skills. 👀👀👀

Peach: How do you relax?

Shower. A long shower. I’m talking like a chunk of time just standing under some water. Or going for a walk.

Praline: A popular book you haven't read yet?

Anything from Rick Riordan (if my friend sees this she’ll fucking kill me oh my god). I have every intention of reading it, but I just never did.

Superman: Do you like sweaters?

I’m so picky with sweaters. Prefer hoodies.

Cherry: do you drink tea or coffee?

Neither. Tea is just hot water and coffee gives me a major migraine.

Dulce de Leche: An instrument you wish you could play?

My violin (because it’s originally my grandfather’s (who has long since passed away) and I restored it). I’m so bad at it. Or the piano. I don’t have the dexterity for it.

Blackberry: Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

Oh absolutely. I’ve also cried so hard that I’ve laughed.

Ginger: A new feature you wish tumblr could have?

Idk just fix it pls

Blueberry Lemon: Favourite blogs?

@frrankzhang / @duelling / @dutifullygranddragon /

Almond: Favourite mean girls quote?

Boo, you whore.

Butterscotch: What colour are your nails right now?

Naked. I don’t wear nail polish or any makeup :I

Cinnamon: Have you ever been confessed to?

I, very stupidly, made myself everyone’s therapist for a long time so absolutely. I know too many things about too many people.

Blue Moon: Have you ever had a crush on someone?

Yup.

Cappuccino Crunch: Do you take naps?

Everyday. We love that Hypothyroidism and anaemic life ✌🏻

Mint: The most embarrassing thing you've ever done?

There’s so many...Idk, thought that I would have my life in order by 24 haha 😬

Brownie Batter: Do you like sushi?

Yesss, but it has to be from a specific place

Key Lime: where do you want to be right now?

Anywhere that’s away from where I’m living rn--

Red Velvet: do you wear prescription glasses?

Yup! I didn’t for a long time and I went into my local eye doctor’s because whenever I would use my laptop or the screens at work, I had to squint and come really close to it. It also gave me a very bad headache. Turns out I got a astigmatism in one eye!

Green Tea: favourite flavours of ice cream?

Vanilla (but if it’s going to be that plain, it has to be a good vanilla) or chocolate. I’m also partial to some caramel but sometimes it can be a bit too sweet.

original post with questions

#i'm so bored #yourqueenforayear

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evien-stark · 5 years

Text

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 59 [End: Avengers]

The thought that had started it all- the reason you’d thought about building the Tower in the first place- came to fruition much sooner than you would have liked. Stark Tower- or Avengers Tower, whichever you were going with- had its press room buzzing with excitement. You’d let reporters and all media staff with badges come onto your property after being shooed off the day before, and allowed them to sit in the wide room. Your podium was empty, but wouldn’t be very soon.

You’d met with President Matthew Ellis and his speech writer earlier that morning. He had something simple, but you’d had to make a few tweaks here and there. They’d been pacing about in the private room downstairs next to the media room all afternoon. Fury had come even earlier than that to try and tell you what to do. But since this was still a little bit his fault, you were reluctant to listen to him. Ellis was even more reluctant than you. He had to address his people, he kept saying.

But how to break it to the world that we weren’t alone in the universe anymore? They’d already found out, clearly. But that was New York. Now that videos were spreading online like fire, the face of America had to say something about it. Unfortunately he was looking to you for pointers. And you didn’t have very many.

You stood at his side, and Tony at yours, after he approached the stage, and waited, holding a breath as his speech came up on the teleprompter. “My fellow Americans… yesterday our nation was stunned. Shaken to its very core. We have come to learn of other entities beyond our understanding. Beyond our universe. And they came not with a halo, not with a play for peace, like so many of us had hoped in our wildest dreams. No. They came with a declaration of war. Of destruction. They brought chains of subjugation.

But their challenge was met. We, the people of New York City, and the people of the world, were protected by a brave group of heroes. They’re calling themselves the Avengers. And I am not only lucky, but blessed, to have two of them here with me. We are all blessed to have them backing us. Protecting us, like they did yesterday. Without their courageous efforts, I cannot say we the people of not only this nation, but this planet, would have stood a chance against the onslaught these attackers brought.

Our next moves will not be easy ones. There is a lot of healing to be done. A lot of repair. A lot of grieving. But we will do it together. Now more than ever, let us unite underneath this umbrella of strength that the Avengers are providing.”

Effective enough, moving the room to applause. Almost a little too much for you to hear him introducing you, but on your cue you took over his spot, stepping up. In every sense of the phrase. You were very aware you were live on almost all news networks right now. Across the globe.

“Yesterday was… tough. And we have a lot of people to thank for helping us get through. But I know a lot of damage was left in the wake of that attack. A lot of lives were hurt. A lot of lives were lost. This is something we can’t undo. But Stark Industries is making a vow to the people of this great city, and the people of this great world, that we will be heavily involved in the cleanup and the reconstruction of every life, every property, every thing that was impacted by the events yesterday.

As of this morning, Stark Industries has partnered with the United States government to take over the Department of Damage Control. We will effectively begin routing repair routes and clean up- an effort that began as soon as the documents were signed. I’m also making a vow to you now that the Avengers will be there should we ever face a threat like that again.

Thank you. I’ll only take a few questions. A much more detailed briefing will be released by the office of the President later today.”

Every hand in the room shot up. There was no way to be picky about who you’d answer. There was no way to tell who was on your side and who wanted to antagonize you after yesterday. Of course you’d hope no one would want to, considering what you’d just been through, but you knew that wasn’t the case. In your head you made a quick shortlist of names of the faces you could see and called the first.

He stood. “Can you give us the names of these Avengers? Where did they come from? Who are they?”

“The Avengers are an elite team of enhanced individuals. They were brought together under the guidance of a branch of the military. Iron Man, of course. Captain America, who was found alive some months ago and has been undergoing rehabilitation. Hulk. Black Widow. Hawkeye. And Thor, who we were lucky enough to have come to our aid after one of his own people went rogue.”

People started shouting over each other. But one voice caught your attention, and unfortunately everyone else’s as well. Christine Everhart. Bane of your existence. “Do you have a comment on the massive amount of damage the city suffered because of your group?”

“I did- I don’t know if you weren’t listening, Ms. Everhart, let me repeat myself for you. Let me address first that this destruction was not caused because of the Avengers. The Avengers were trying to save the city. And succeeded. Secondly, Stark Industries is putting its efforts into restoration and repair-”

“Using taxpayer dollars you mean. To clean up something that wasn’t their fault.”

“No that’s not what I mean. Please try listening. Stark Industries, now overseeing the Department of Damage Control, is completely funding the process for all repairs necessary. Does that answer your question?”

“And what about you? That was you, wasn’t it? In an Iron Man suit? Why do you think you’re fit to save the world?”

“Ms. Everhart-”

“What are you calling yourself? Did you get a superhero name?” Clear disdain in her voice.

You took a breath. “I think that’s less important in the wake of these events, don’t you?”

“No, I don’t. Who are we calling to our supposed aid? Was that you or not?”

This felt so familiar. Yet just that short amount of time ago, you were watching this very press conference from a TV. Tony was where you were. And he was about to do something stupid. But there was no alibi for you. No way for you to get away from this. There was only the truth. “That was me.”

“And your name?”

A twitch of a smile caught your lips. Not quite defeated but very tired.

“I’m Lady Iron.”

--------------------------

It didn’t take too much effort to coordinate a big ritzy, elegant bash for all the wealth of the world to descend upon. Everyone wanted, now more than ever before, to be in Stark Industries’ good graces. But now alongside that, they all wanted in with the Avengers. And since you and Tony were the two most public ones… you’d run out of invitations before you’d even had a chance to properly calculate max body space in the Tower’s ballroom.

People wanted to be shown doing their part. Helping with the rebuild effort. Publicly giving money to a good cause. That was always the point of these charity galas, but the whole world was watching now. More than an art opening or a benefit in one single city. This had turned into a superhero gala- and many people wanted to meet their new protectors while also giving off an air of doing their part.

This came as no surprise to you. It was why you wanted to do it in the first place. While Stark Industries was booming now more than ever, making more money now more than ever- it never hurt to have an influx. Money had never been your primary concern, lord knows it was never Tony’s, not with the wealth he had behind him, but getting some seed funds for Damage Control was ideal. And now you had it in droves.

Tickets to the event started at 100k a piece. But additional donations could be made. And they came in in droves. It became quite an event. So much so that the sidewalk had to be cordoned off and a carpet rolled up to the door. Picture ops aplenty. This wasn’t exactly what you’d envisioned. The last thing you needed was to put together something that made you seem out of touch. After all, it wasn’t rich people who were going to be most affected by the alien attack. It was the people already suffering, and now suffering more.

But you were doing this for them, you convinced yourself- and several reporters. And Stark Industries was hosting a citywide event for them after this one. You just had to hope that would be enough for image control. Not something you often cared about, but if you started ruining yours now, that hurt the company. And hurting the company would hurt the clean up efforts and-...

Sitting at your vanity, the night of the gala, you tried to hold in a sigh. You were still tired. Head still spinning. Heart still hurting. But holding it all in. Tony was putting on just as brave of a face. Eventually the two of you needed to sit down and have a long talk. Maybe see some professionals that Rhodey was suggesting. But now was not the time. He’d started doing his disappearing act, which concerned you a little. But his suits were damaged, as was yours, so it made sense that he was devoting time to fixing them.

He’d gone home to California for one day to do just that, but was back in New York the next for the gala. Because he promised you he would be there, at your side. After your makeup and hair was fixed, you sent the woman working on it for you away. All you had to do now was slip into your dress. A cool toned silver and bluish-purpley flowy piece with slight bell sleeves, moon and star detailing on the cuffs. Just a teeny tiny window of Iron Lady suit. There was no escaping the moniker now. Saying it like that at the press conference hadn’t been the wrong thing to do, but ever since it had been all the headlines wanted to talk about.

Slipping into your dress, you waited for someone to return to help you with the zip up the back. Your help came in the form of the one person you wanted to just crawl into a hole with. “You know…” He was fixing the cuffs of his tuxedo. A very timeless black on white, black bowtie to complete it. Stepping closer without you asking, he went behind you to slowly pull the zip up. “I’ve been thinking. And, if it were me, I think Iron Maiden might have been a better go to.”

You scoffed out a laugh. “That’s either very bad imagery or a lawsuit. And I don’t need either.” He settled his hand on your hip when he finished and you half turned back to look at him. “What’s making you think about that right now?”

“Come on.” Making a face at you. “You’re going a little bit color-coded. Not that I’m judging. You should have told me. I’d have worn a red and gold tux instead.”

“Which is exactly why I didn’t.” With the zip fully up and in place, you turned around, putting a hand on his arm. “Hey… I’m still trying to catch up and… I think we’re both still healing.” Waiting for a small breath of a pause between this and the next thought, eyes focusing on his. “It’s starting to feel predictable, to keep asking for vacations after something huge happens but…”

His hands reached up, cupping the sides of your face. You melted in his grasp so easily. “Vacation. I agree.” Leaning in he gave you a sweet and tender kiss. “Predictable…? Also agree.” Grinning against your lips with the next press.

Now was not the time to start getting lost in each other, but that’s really all you wanted to do. It would be easy to go to the party late or… just put out some story about how it wasn’t about you… just go to bed together. Let the party run itself-

But the world was continually knocking on your door. Reminding you that you were not allowed to have peace. Instead of a knock, though, the door just flew open. Your private bedroom door- that someone had to come through your private penthouse suite living room- that someone had to ride up your private elevator into-

That one. The reason it mattered was because you’d never seen this woman before. And she was wearing jeans and a sweater. Not a party guest. Pepper was quick behind her. “I’m sorry- she said she needed to speak with you about the Avengers- about Thor- and-”

The name sparked recognition to the face you were looking at. Tony stepped back from you, hands up in surrender. “I’ll be outside.” Clearly he wanted nothing to do with this. “Don’t make us late.” Going over to her and leading her back into the living room you heard his idle chatter. “Hey, Pepper, how’s things…”

Leaving you alone in the room with- “You’re Jane Foster, right?”

She seemed upset. But determined. “So Thor talked to you about me. Do you know where he is?”

“Asgard?” It had slipped your mind the chat you’d had with Thor on the helicarrier- mostly because you’d been fighting in a war immediately after. Easy to forgive, right? “He took Loki back to … I’m not actually sure. Put him on trial? I hope?”

“So he’s not even here. He didn’t even have time to say anything to me?” Her anger was directed at you but not exactly placed there. You hadn’t done anything. But the man who had- the man she was maybe dating?- had disappeared, probably for too long a time, then came back to earth without a word, and then left again.

“Everything kind of happened fast. Don’t hold it against him.”

“I guess I shouldn’t.” She turned sort of shy, then. Like she was just realizing she’d stormed her way up Stark property to accost you in your own bedroom. Funny, that. Crossing her arms she looked at you. “Look, I’m sorry about this. I didn’t know who else to ask. Do you know when he’ll be back?”

“It’s fine.” It wasn’t. But. You’d make an exception. Dating a god-alien-person that didn’t live on this planet was probably pretty hard. “And… no, I don’t. I asked him to come back for Tony’s birthday, but he didn’t really confirm. And I don’t have a way to contact him. Stark tech isn’t that good. Yet.” Figuring that was probably her next question. Her pang of heartbreak and dismay ripped through you, and your next words were prompted immediately. “He spoke very fondly of you. He was really glad that you were safe.”

She just shook her head. “That’s nice and all but it would have been better coming from him.” Arms crossed tighter, as if she was hugging herself, she turned away. “Thanks- and I’m sorry for busting in. Have a good night.”

You had no idea what to say to her. Or if it was your place to say anything. To be fair to her, she did have a point. Thor was here. Had been here. If he’d wanted to call her, he’d only had to say something to you. Or SHIELD. He had had time for shawarma. But not for her? It left you standing awkwardly in the doorway as you watched her walk into the living room.

Tony looked up. “Ms. Foster- I’ve just gotta say, your work on the Einstein-Rosen bridge is some seriously amazing stuff. I read your paper front to back. ...are you uh... still messing around with that stuff?” You weren't sure exactly what he was talking about, but a huge wave of apprehension suddenly sprung forth from him.

Pepper followed after her. Jane looked up at Tony for a brief moment, no smile to be seen. “Thanks. And no. Not anymore. Doesn’t matter now. Sorry for barging in here. Enjoy your party.”

Stepping to her side, Pepper called the elevator. “I’ll escort you out…”

Once the doors closed, Tony turned to look at you, brows up. You shrugged. “Thor hasn’t called her. In months, probably. And, you know, he was here. Not fighting a war for at least ten minutes. He could have.” That wasn’t your business to tell somebody else, but it was probably obvious to him anyway.

“Rough stuff.” Extending his arm, he held his hand out. “Shall we schmooze for the greater good?”

Sigh escaping you, you plastered a semi-acceptable evening party smile on your lips. Taking his arm in yours with a squeeze. “We shall.”

--------------------------

Once the elevator opened on the party floor voices and music started flooding in. It was a short walk from the lobby to the actual ballroom, and you found yourself taking a slow pace. Trying to collect yourself after all that and figure out exactly what it was you wanted to say, and how long you wanted to be here for. Technically party rules (especially charity gala rules) stipulated you had to stay until the very last guest left.

But you weren’t really sure you had the energy for that.

Heads turned as you and Tony entered the floor and you found yourself clutching to him just a little bit more. The lone microphone on the mainstage was calling your name, as the band behind it played gently. The sea of people parted as you and Tony walked through, almost like royalty. But you barely felt that way. There were some subsections of crowds. You saw Steve looking very dapper (and perhaps a little bit uncomfortable) in a dark blue suit and tie, chatting with several women.

Bruce, likewise, had also come. Both you’d had no idea about. He seemed a little more out of place, not chatting with anyone, just kind of milling about by one of the tables near the back, drink in hand. You waved to him as you passed and he smiled, waving back.

Approaching the stage, a flood or relief nearly threatened to overwhelm you as Tony stepped up to bat. “Let me take this one.” Leaving you to stand very graciously by his side as he pulled the microphone from the stand and the music quieted behind him.

“Hey- check check- hey, thanks everyone for coming. And Stark Industries thanks you for your donations. I promise not a single cent will be spent on anything untoward… no new Iron Man suits or- well, I guess we could move some verbiage around. You’re giving money for a repair system here but I think defense is just as important, don’t you?” Raising the mic to a boom of cheers.

He grinned. “Yeah. My thinking, too. It’s such a pleasure to be here, hosting a grand gala like this for such like minded individuals. You know, I’m sure we all feel a little safer knowing the world’s in my hands. I promise not to blow anything up that doesn’t deserve it.” He was getting a little too spicy for the spirit of the evening, so you had to give him a little nudge.

After glancing at you briefly he waved his hand. “That’s right, I’m on a team now- we have a team. Some members of which have very kindly decided to show up this evening, although we’re the only one buying in for everyone, I’m pretty sure. In more ways than one- c’est la vie, am I right?” The room swelled with warm laughter. “Can’t have everything- talent, money, prowess, power- gotta spread the wealth around where we can-” Your unamused look caught him at just the right time to get him to be quiet.

Putting an arm around your waist, he pulled you close. “Anyway. That’s my cue that I’m talking to much. Please enjoy. Eat all our food and drink all our booze. It’s for a good cause. We appreciate you being here.” Applause let him off the hook and you gave a polite wave and smile to the crowd, taking Tony’s hand as he exited down from the stage.

Just about to disembark right after him, you stopped, caught by the sight of two new party guests entering. A gorgeous woman dressed in a sharp black dress and-

“Coulson!” Several people looked in your direction as you shouted, but excitement and relief got the better of you. Nearly stumbling off the stage, steadied by Tony’s arm, you broke free moments after, picking up the skirt of your dress to hurry yourself over to him. And just like some Avengers before him- he too got one hell of a hug as soon as you stopped in front of him.

“Oh- is this what we’re doing now?” Not surprised at all by his dry wit as usual. Happy, in fact, to hear it. “Just- careful around the shoulder, would you, please?” Whether because he just wanted to get it over with or was really giving in, it was still nice when he gave you a hug back.

You let it go on for perhaps too long a time, considering all the eyes in the room were on you, even if people were pretending they weren’t looking. Once you let go you stepped back, smiling- the first real one you’d worn all day. “It’s good to see you. I’m glad you’re alright.”

“Alright is a subjective term. But I’m managing. I thought I would come here and speak with you personally. I’m being reassigned.” Straight to business. Cut and dry. That was Coulson.

“Reassigned?” So soon? Because of what happened?

“Smaller team. More groundwork. Fury thinks it’ll be good. After what happened… I’m inclined to agree.” Maybe it was your own visible wilting that set off a flare of sadness in him, tough to say, but he held his hand out. “Thank you, for what you did. I’ve really appreciated our time together.”

You studied the offering like it was foreign. And considering it came in the wake of a more personable hug, it kind of was. But you took his hand, shaking it firmly. “It was the right thing to do. Anyone would have.”

“Not true. Just because it was the right thing doesn’t mean it was the easy thing.” Either one of you could have been killed in that situation. But you thought yourself made of sturdier stuff, maybe that’s why you’d done it. You hadn’t had a lot of time to think about it. You didn’t really want to, for too long. “And some might not even consider it being right. Or wrong.”

He had a fair point, but you couldn’t help a shrug. “We made out okay, I think.”

“For now. I might be reassigned but you can always call me.”

At this your smile reappeared. “Thanks. I might take you up on that.” Overt friendly pleasantries pretty much finished, you stopped being rude, holding your hand out for the woman he’d brought. “Hi, I'm sorry.” Apologizing for your social faux pas, and introducing yourself. “And you are? Phil’s date?” Joking. Sort of.

Her smile was amused. “Hardly. More like babysitting. I’m Agent Melinda May. And I think if I don’t thank you for pulling him out of the fire, he’ll be offended. So thanks.” A SHIELD agent. It made sense. You were kind of hoping he’d brought that cellist he’d been talking about a while back…

Right on cue, like you shared a brainwave, Tony finally appeared, reaching out to give Coulson’s hand a hard shake. “Nice seeing you, buddy. Glad to have you back from the dead.” Hearing him say this surprised you, though. Maybe Tony knew more about Coulson’s circumstances…? Or he was just kidding. With him it was hard to tell. He then turned to offer his hand to May. “And you are? The cellist I presume?”

She barked a laugh with a shake of her head. “Not on his life.” And with that she disengaged her arm from his, sauntering away with confidence you could only admire.

“Nice meeting you.” Tony called after her. Turning back to Coulson, “Stay a while. I know you didn’t pay for a ticket but I’ll look the other way on it. This time. Don’t eat too much.” Whatever Coulson’s response to this was, it got cut off with the band changing gears to a slow jazzy version of L-O-V-E. Tony’s hand held out for yours, next. “Honey, if I may?”

An offer you couldn’t turn down. You put your hand in his, and with your other gave Coulson a small departing wave. “Have a good time tonight.” Hoping that he actually would stick around and do just that, and not just disappear. “Steve’s here, too.”

“Oh. He is?”

Perfect.

Same as before, people parted as you and Tony passed by, giving you some space on the dancefloor as he took your hand in his, putting his other at your waist. You wrapped your other arm loosely around his neck, just enjoying the slow sway. You’d been watching the corners of the room out of your peripherals, but when your attention came back to him, that warm way he was looking at you, with that gentle smile, put a heat on your face you couldn’t stop.

So instead you stepped in closer, laying your head on his shoulder. His voice was a quiet murmur. “Will you be good here, after this?”

“What do you mean?” Not understanding what he was trying to get at.

“Damage Control is on its feet. Clean up will be finished soon. The Tower is getting restructured. Pepper is practically running the citywide block party. You got something else you need to do here?”

Here. New York, he meant. And you had a sneaking suspicion as to why he was asking. “You want me to come home?”

“Yes. I would like that. A lot.” He’d been avoiding the city, spending time at the house. In his lab. You already knew and understood this. And why. “The house is empty without you.”

Easing back, you resumed dancing at a short enough distance to be able to look at him. “Is that really why?”

His lips twitched into a thin line before the corner of his mouth curved upward, head dropping for a second with a close of his eyes. “No- yes. Sort of. Honey- I’ve gotta be honest. I hate it here.”

There was an immediate surge of too much as he spoke that sentence. A small slice of terror ripped through him, and then you, followed by hot pangs of upset, dismay, and a weird disappointment you couldn’t place. “I can’t say that I blame you.” Too much had gone on here. It was probably still too fresh. Even you were having trouble sleeping. Most of it you’d tried to pin on him not being in the same bed, but you knew the truth. The penthouse had become ruined with memories of Loki throwing you around like a ragdoll. And New York…

New York was just a battleground. Still fresh from a war you had been forced to fight in. Whether you won or not had no bearing. There was blood everywhere. And you could sense it every moment of the day. It was almost impossible to imagine how he felt. What he saw every time he closed his eyes…

“So come home.” There was a slight tremble in his voice. He was begging you. “I need you with me.” Starting to get overwhelmed, you laid your head on his shoulder again. Just staying close. “Please come home. I can’t sleep. I can’t stop thinking about… everything. I just… I need you.”

Your nodding had started somewhere in the middle of that. “I’m not adjusting super well, either.” Just trying to be honest with him. The both of you needed to sit down and just talk, at some point. Here was not the best place. But the conversation even starting made you feel better already. “I love you. Let me look at my schedule. Maybe not tonight, but tomorrow. Okay?”

“Sure. Tomorrow. I can wait until tomorrow.” The song had switched over to something else, but the two of you stayed there, holding each other. Barely moving side to side. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. We have to put in about an hour of more face time before it’s acceptable to sneak away.” Already making plans.

It at least lightened his mood, hearing the soft huff of air that was indicative of a grin. You just knew, without even looking at him. “Sneak away, huh? Aren’t we on our own property? Why are we sneaking?”

Tilting your head on his shoulder, you were smirking just a little. “Sneaking upstairs.”

“Upstairs.”

“Mm hmm. Upstairs. To our bedroom. Maybe we’ll make a quick stop in our bathroom first.”

“What’s in the bathroom?”

“A jacuzzi tub that hasn’t been used yet.”

“Mmn hmn. I see.”

The thought chain left the two of you just looking at each other, all suggestive smiles. The other people in the room had stopped mattering a long time ago. With a delicate lift of your brows, you inquired, “What do you think about that?”

Pulling your hand to his lips, he kissed the back. “Love it. Love everything about it.”

#Tony Stark #Tony Stark x Reader #INY Chapter Fifty Nine

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leavyes-a · 4 years

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meta on media consumption as beholding, and the creation of the conservator role, based on conversations with @hdtvtits. content warning, as always, for addiction, compulsive / obsessive behavior, aggressive hoarding, and implied terminal illness, all of the eldritch variety. also allusions to real-life hollywood dramas, though nothing remotely specific is discussed in this post.

foreword: this is just the first part of a bunch of meta i’ll likely end up posting on why levi is what they are and why their beholding manifests the way it does, because like... for secrets and the underbelly of film production i have a lot to say but a lot to source as well. but there are a few things i want to address in this post, namely: what the eye feeds off of, whether or not levi is feeding the eye in their media consumption ( and how ), and how it ultimately serves the eye’s purposes to have this be levi’s method of feeding. this probably won’t even be my last post on the subject as i keep sort of logicking out the way that beholding works and how it can manifest. it’s important to me though that it exist and function outside of just what happens in the institute ( which is proven in the statements ), mostly because fear entities are global and primal and jonny said that the story really is britain-centric. now, media consumption isn’t particularly groundbreaking; it addresses a more american culture, but that’s still western-centric and sort of ‘typical’ of europe and america, though i will say that european filmmaking as an institution is... different. it has its own history and quirks. hollywood is its own beast. someday i’ll make a post on levi’s judaism and how that interacts with beholding and manifests as more than their aesthetic, because they haven’t even used their ayin hara on this blog yet though it’s a ( minor ) power they possess, but that deserves its own post. ANYWAYS. with that said.

what does the eye feed off of? the eye doesn’t just function based off a primal fear, it has a drive that it imbues its servants with: “it is the manifestation of the fear of being watched, exposed, followed, of having secrets known, but also the drive to know and understand, even if your discoveries might destroy you.” i think that most of the entities function in a similar way, with the things they inspire and feed off of on the one hand, and avatars with a desire to evoke that fear in the other; i.e., avatars create food to feed their entity, and if they don’t, the entity devours them instead. that’s pretty basic knowledge. ( i also have stuff to say about entities consuming themselves because every time claire says autocannibalism i go absolutely hog wild about it but that’s for another day. ) there are, then, multiple ways that an avatar can go about gathering fear for its entity, but what sets the eye apart from others, i believe, is that it doesn’t need to directly cause the fear it consumes -- though i think that it finds the fear of being watched more filling than just watching other people be afraid, it can still ‘survive’ off of that. this is where eye shit starts to get confusing and it’s why these posts are so longwinded and involve me talking myself in circles, because the eye both has a specific fear that it’s linked to and can devour other people’s experiences of fear that it did not cause, yes even before the apocalypse. that’s just how jon feeds for the majority of the series. for a good long while, he’s not going out and getting statements himself; and even when he does, he’s double dipping on both the fear they convey to him about their experiences ( knowledge gained ) and the fear that this man is pulling information out of them ( secrets exposed ).

but that’s jon and we’re not talking about jon, we’re talking about levi, and my ever-evolving thesis on voyeurism in / and media.

so what does an eye avatar need to do, exactly, to eat? it needs to accumulate knowledge, that’s the baseline that it can survive off of -- knowledge of the other entities is best, but i don’t know that it’s a requirement... and i don’t know if it’s not! i am going to make the call that eye avatars can survive off of just hoarding information because the eye isn’t super picky and wants to know everything anyways, but not feeding off of fear for a long time is going to leave the avatar really weak. and for an eye avatar to develop its powers and grow, it needs to take statements directly, or else give other people the distinct feeling of being observed against their will. the more people it feeds off of as a result of its own actions, the more powerful it becomes. that said, i don’t think this is common, which is why watchers ( heads of institutes ) have set up these systems where they’re generating food for themselves on two axes simultaneously: fear of people who give statements, and fear of people who have to work at their institutes ( either taking statements or working directly under the eye ). that just sort of accumulates power upwards within eye bureaucracies, though the archivists who take and sort the statements are also going to become remarkably powerful if they lean into their role.

( also side note: these systems work for the english, american, and chinese institutes, but there are ways for beholding avatars to thrive outside of them, and again someday i’m going to post about oral traditions and the ability to craft stories in different regions of beholding that feed the eye. but i need to do research first and we’re talking about levi! )

here’s the thing... levi is not an archivist. levi is not powerful. levi does not have a strong connection to beholding. they worship it, but fanaticism does not equal feeding, sadly, and the role they’ve been given is not one that pushes them to go and gather statements for themselves. they have taken read and statements at afi, because wyatt was raising them into an avatar, but, though conservators and archivists can overlap in the real world, they ( in my word of god for this blog’s canon and the monster i made up ) are two very different things under the eye. essentially, conservators serve archivists ( and watchers ) by witnessing, recording, and playing back statements that archivists can then maneuver through. the more experienced the conservator, the more they can shift the camera, allowing the archivist to comb through statements in detail and pull the knowledge that they want from them. remember that the beholding grants knowledge, not understanding, and while that may be fine for the eye, sometimes its ‘human’ servants need to put the pieces together in order to advance its plans.

the conservator is a relatively new position within beholding, because it does function like a film camera. i think that, in other times, places, and cultures, there were similar avatars who filled a similar role, but it wasn’t the same. the conservator really is a miskatonic / american experiment to help the institute delve into the information it already possessed. for one example of how conservators are useful, consider what happened with sasha: the archivist had his voice recordings of her, because it can’t effect magnetic tape, but jon the person still had her wiped completely from his memory. that wouldn’t happen to a conservator, because all of their memories are converted into (meta)physical tape stock. they are a lockbox that cannot be opened or altered unless you’re a more powerful beholding avatar. ( the limitation here is that they only have so much storage space, they will need to expunge some memories to store more; though those memories can be kept in physical containers, film stock obviously degrades and is a very unstable and extremely flammable medium; their body will also internally decompose to make room for more data and that is a painful process that eventually renders the conservator just a storage without any ability to function beyond sitting still and replaying witnessed / read events. )

we’ve established that levi feeds normally. they take statements, they are present in an archive, they’re hearing the scary stories. finally, finally on to why levi consumes media and how levi consumes media, because the one is intrinsically linked to the other. let me start by saying that just watching television or films does not a beholding avatar make. yes you are watching, but the distinction is in whether you are passively or actively viewing. and the power that is drawn from someone zoning out and being addicted to passively consuming media does not go to the eye. that is neither a fear of being observed ( for the one watching or for the actors / writers, because nobody is going to care about an audience that doesn’t form an opinion at all beyond basic emotional reactions; uncritical consumers are milk and honey to them ) nor a pursuit of knowledge ( passively accepting knowledge is, according to elias, far less effective in raising up eye avatars than letting them learn to ‘see’ on their own ). all that power goes to mx media ( @hdtvtits ) or, if you don’t like crossovers, Just Definitely Not the Eye. it’s when you start performing analysis that the eye takes interest -- which is why the eye continues to thrive in academia ( au where i write meta on just how bad that gets, historically, but again there are things we don’t get into until we research thoroughly ). the more you lose yourself in compiling information, to the exclusion of everything else, the more you appeal to beholding. and when you start unveiling secrets, which there are plenty of in film and film production, things kept private from the audience, ‘movie magic’, then feeding can begin.

this may come as a surprise, but levi does not have a response to whether or not they ‘like’ movies. if you ask them, ‘did you enjoy that movie?’ they will not say ‘yes’ or ‘no’, they will just start launching into ripping it apart. levi probably started out enjoying movies recreationally, but at some point, they became not just unwilling to but incapable of watching films without analyzing -- and what separates this from normal people who are conscientious and engaged viewers is that this is a mania that spans hours. their ‘digestion’ of a film is obsessive and has a physical component because it is eldritch in nature. i can’t stress enough that levi isn’t just a pretentious film buff who says ‘oh i can’t consume media for pleasure or uncritically’, though they may have been at some point in their college career! they have a physical and metaphysical makeup that drives them to frenzy over what they watch. the instant they finish a film, they’ll begin a rapid accumulation of knowledge of anything they can dig up: the who, what, when, where, why, how. if they do have an emotional response, it’s incredibly removed, and their way of processing it is to drill into how and why the film made them feel that way.

if they try to avoid this step in the process -- if they just watch a movie, turn it off, and attempt to go to bed -- they will start to weaken immediately. watching the movie isn’t enough for feeding. if it was, the eye wouldn’t take any interest at all. it’s the genuinely out-of-control driving impulse to keep researching and researching until there is nothing left about a piece of media that isn’t known, shredding through academic papers and script drafts and director’s notes and interviews and everything they can get their hands on, that stems from and feeds beholding. they do not settle for what is put on the screen. they will even cold call creators in a fit and try to get them to talk about the production ( which is, yes, invasive -- beholding is an eldritch entity, it is not healthy or good and does not inspire healthy or good habits! ).

they may not even be capable of enjoying a piece on its own merits; it’s all about the world it opens up to them, it’s about stuffing themselves with information until they can’t breathe and overstimulate and pass out. then recovery from that can take days as they process what they learned and sort it all out in their mind. they don’t really do much with this information; just knowing it is enough. if an archivist or watcher wants to take action about it, they can ask levi to spit it back up for them. but ultimately, despite the impact that this has on their health, this is still low-level feeding for a low-level avatar. unless it’s a truly gruesome movie or has an exceptionally shady production background, it’s not really the fear that the eye is looking for. levi is feeding one half of beholding, the half that wants them to consume knowledge and secrets. if levi didn’t take / read statements as well, or go out and witness live horrific events, they would probably starve -- their body would eat itself processing knowledge.

and i will talk about the component of parasocial relationships, anxiety that stems from being an actor / director / content creator in general and having your work and your image spiral out of control as it’s ripped apart and dissected by consumers, because that is beholding territory as well. it’s just not actually what levi does, but because it relates to the media-beholding relationship, i’ll have it on this blog.

#➢ photoplay expresses the action of the mind! ( headcanon. )

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forgxtmxnot · 5 years

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@rivalcalem has sent: ✉ riley & brendan?

Send “✉” for a common headcanon for my muse that I disagree with! [Accepting, specify muse]

// I feel like this might be one of the bigger reasons why I opted to pick an emerald universe based Brendan, over his gen 6 counterpart.

But I really don’t like it when these young trainers- suddenly get their hands on Legendary pokemon.

I get it that in modern games, they try to establish how the protagonist should have an important bond with any of the mythical/legendaries out there.

I’m looking at you Unova, I love u but u started this trend.

But you know- in my eyes this is more of a game mechanic than something that would actually happen in their world? Because it honestly feels overkill- it makes these kids way too overpowered in a bad way.

I’m not saying I ignore all of the encounters/befriending legendaries out there, Suicune’s capture is crucial for Eusine’s arc over at my Morty. I also do take into consideration the fact that Dawn fell into the distortion world and met Giratina there- you could say I am picky about this subject.

IDK about you guys- but I prefer stories where the character managed to achieve their goals all by themselves, and they didn’t need to rely on a God/entity to help them throughout their journey.

Also you can’t tell me how locking up a mythical creature, won’t have any type of consequences in the environment/world’s stability/etc.

This is why my Brendan- although he assisted in stopping the fight between Groudon and Kyogre, he didn’t befriend any legendary in his journey. Latios/Latias is just a blurred picture on the TV. And he has 0 interest in seeking them out.

// Here are a few headcanons I’ve talkedabout in the past so far:

Riley isn’t related to Sir. Aaron | Aura user =/= good person uwu | Roark and Riley AREN’T in good terms with each other

I feel like this might not be that big but still relevant to talk about:

The so-called stat trainer class, isn’t an official title recognised by the pokemon League.

Rather I see it as just a thing that trainers point out a similarity at Riley/Cheryl/Mira/Buck/Marley’s teams.

And in that regard- I’d also like to point out that these 5 trainers? They only met each other at the Battle frontier. There is no actual friendship between them etc. It is just an odd coincidence that they happen to focus on a specific attribute of a pokemon, rather than their type.

#ooc /#; ʏūᴋɪ ▸ | brendan | headcanon #; ɢᴇɴ ▸ | riley | headcanon #thank you for the ask!#rivalcalem

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julesthequirky · 6 years

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The Big Empty

Summary: Castiel is gone and you’re all alone. You decide on a whim to do a stupid thing. It’s stupid, but it might just work. You’d do anything just to see Cas again.

Warnings: Canon violence

WC: 3128

Feedback is GOLD. If you like it, reblog it! Don’t be afraid to leave a comment.

As always my work is unbeta’d so all mistakes are mine.

“Bring him back!” you yelled at Jack after watching Castiel die.

You didn’t wait for him to answer before you screamed again.

“Bring him back!!! Now!!” The tears cracked your voice, your throat ripping in pain as you relentlessly screamed.

You grabbed hold of his shoulders, tears rimming your eyes, your chest tightening, heart palpitating. “Do it!!!!

Sam came in and wrapped his arm around your stomach and pulled you away from Jack. You grabbed at Sam’s arm, struggling to get free, screaming for Jack to bring back Castiel.

In the end, you fell lax against Sam, your hands holding his plaid shirt and you cried against his solid chest. You shook, gripping him tight, your heart shredding all over again.

He picked you up and carried you out.

* * * * *

“I can’t do that.”

“Billie, please…” your hope vanquishing fast.

“I’m Death. I reap souls, human souls. I don’t reap angels.”

“Then who does. Somebody must.”

Billie crossed her arms. “Angels don’t have souls. They have always existed, after being part of God’s creation, that is.”

“Where do angels go when they die?”

“Nowhere. They go into nothingness. Before God, there was-”

“Nothing,” you interrupted. “Take me there.”

Billie laughed once. “That ain’t my domain.”

“I need to go there.”

“And honey, I need a long vacation in the Bahamas, but it looks like we both ain’t getting what we want.”

“I need to say goodbye. Let me grieve.”

“Why can’t you grieve like a normal human?”

“No normal human would even know Death existed.” you stated.

“Touché,” Billie agreed. “But I still can’t grant what you want.”

“I’ll do anything.”

She quirked a brow. “When people say that they usually don’t mean anything.”

“Well, I mean it.”

She nodded, and began to walk a circle around you.

“You were always his favourite. Many times he’d beg to spare your life. ‘Just this once, Billie.’ he’d say. I’d agree, with a consequence of course. Nothing in this life gets you anything for free. He’d comply, as always, loyal to you.” she sighed. “He made you the most perfect heaven. Why couldn’t you have waited? You would have gotten everything you wanted. Castiel. And you would have been so happy. You realize you’re throwing all that away, right?”

Your mind reeled. Castiel had already prepared you a room in Heaven. Where he would always accompany you. Forever. He loved you.

“Why did you tell me that?”

“Because that’s what you’ll give up. You’ll give up your perfect heaven Castiel so lovingly prepared for you. Because there’s no way for you to return from the Emptiness.”

“But if Castiel’s there…” you started and petered off.

“There’s no way of knowing for sure, if he’ll wake.”

“He’s still there.”

“If you sleep, you sleep for eternity.”

You nodded.

“What about the Winchesters, do they know you came to seek me? do they know about your suicidal stint?”

You shook your head. “No. They’re much too busy these days, with Jack.”

“Ah, Lucifer’s son.”

You nodded.

“They don’t know I’m doing this.”

“Do you think they’ll miss you?”

They wouldn’t. You knew it. They had way too much on their plate at the moment. You wouldn’t even be a wisp of a thought. You shook your head.

“You’re wrong. Dean will hate himself. He thinks of you as his little sister, someone he must protect. At all costs. He’ll blame himself and he might not be able to cope with another loss. He’ll drown his sorrows. And Sam, he loved you, but he knew of your affections for Castiel. You were his best friend. Someone he could have a laugh with and talk for hours on end with. With you gone that won't happen and neither will he comfort you in your loss and hope that maybe one day you return his affections. Your death will rip them apart, Y/N. Dean will forever be bitter, full of hatred and angry, losing all hope. Michael will get his true vessel, thanks to the girl who loved Castiel so much she killed herself. And Sam will drift away, trying to cope, trying to manage and who knows the fate of Jack? Does this change your mind knowing this?”

You closed your eyes. Dammit Sammy. Dammit Dean. Dammit, dammit, dammit. You pinched the bridge of your nose between your fingers, inhaling a deep breath.

“Y/N?”

You exhaled and looked at her. The sad thing was it didn’t change your mind.

“That won’t happen if they stick together. They’re better together. Stronger.”

“Maybe, I’m just telling you. You won’t know. It’s a risk you’ll have to take. Does it change your mind?”

You shook your head.

“I can't guarantee it will work. It’s never happened before. You’ll know its worked, and if it hasn’t.”

“Can you send them a message from me?”

“Honey, I ain’t no messenger.”

“Anybody will do.”

“You ain’t picky are you?”

You shook your head and fired a quick prayer to the boys in hope they stay together.

“I’m ready when you are.”

You were going to see Castiel. Your heart brimmed at the possibility.

You woke up on the ground, your cheek sticking to the cold floor. It was a strange feeling, opening your eyes and seeing nothing. You sat up, disoriented and a sudden panic at your throat, claustrophobia clawing your chest, feeling the blankness close in around you. You heaved ragged breaths in and out.

“Castiel!!!” you yelled.

You hoped he was awake. Hoped he heard you. This was your eternity. You would live here forever.

You heard distant voices. You whipped your head to the direction they came from and stood up. You strained your ears again, hope burning your heart, wanting to hear them again.

“Castiel?!!”

You waited.

You saw two tiny pinpricks ahead of you. You smiled and began to run. The floor beneath you whizzed you along at breakneck speed and you stood in front of Castiel. And Castiel. You looked between the two, confusion etched on your face. Shock registered on one and a mad grin on the other.

“Castiel?” you looked at the two.

One laughed, a little nasally and entirely crazy.

“You. You’re not supposed to be here. You’re no angel. You’re just a little mud monkey.”

You blanched at the voice. God, he looked like Cas, but he didn’t sound like Cas. He had an odd accent and his nasally voice gave a vicious bite at the end of his words. His eyes held no love for you, they held annoyance and anger at you being here.

You turned to the real Castiel. He was looking at you in awe, sadness tinting his expression.

“How did you get here?” The other Castiel pronounced every word scathingly.

“I know someone.”

“You killed yourself for him. Aw,” he mocked you. He looked at Cas, pushing you slightly away.

Castiel growled when he noticed you stumble back.

“Don’t touch her.”

“You have a, a fondness for that? You fell for the amoeba. You had no idea she had this planned, did you?” The other Castiel chuckled darkly. “And now she’s stuck here, just like you.”

Castiel looked at you and something inside you gave a pang. You averted your gaze, fearing what he’d say. He didn’t know you had sacrificed everything just for a chance.

“Look at her. Hmmm, a low little scum of the Earth, in love with a divine entity. It really doesn’t get any more messed up than that.”

“Don’t call her that.”

The other Cas strode up to him and stood face to face.

“You’re both in my territory now, I can say or do whatever I like. Thanks to you, I am awake. And I. Don’t. Like. Being. Awake. I want to go back to sleep. In all of forever, nothing. Ever wakes up here. And I mean, ever. Ever.”

Somehow Cas had woken up.

“What are you?” you asked.

The other Cas, spun on his heel and headed straight for you, he came at such a speed you wanted to run. You gasped in a breath, eyes wide. He tipped your chin up with a flick of his wrist.

“I’m a friendly neighbourhood Cosmic Entity.”

“Why do you look like Castiel?”

He bent down, pushing his face to yours. You wanted to shrink away but he held you fast.

He smiled, teeth bared.

“It wouldn’t be no fun if I showed up in my true form now, would it. You’ll scream and tear out your eyes. It’ll be embarrassing for all of us.”

“So you’re the Empty?”

His smile widened. “You’re smart,” he turned to Cas. “She’s smart.”

He stroked your cheek.

“What did you do, Y/N?” Castiel questioned from behind Empty!Cas.

“Yes. What did you do? I too, would like to know the answer to that question.”

“I made a deal.”

Castiel’s face crumpled.

“What. Kind. Of deal?”

“I gave up my heaven and my life for a chance to come here.”

“So you gave up your slice of heaven for a chance, a very slim one in fact.”

You nodded.

“Hmm, and what would have happened if it had not have worked?”

“My soul would be reaped. I knew exactly what I was heading into.”

“No, no, no, no.” Castiel pined.

He pulled you away from the Cosmic Entity and cupped your face with his large hands. You leaned into his touch, smiling a little.

“Why? Y/N, you didn’t- God this was reckless of you.”

Your fingers curled round his hands. Seeing Cas, feeling Cas made you whole and happy, but thinking about and remembering his death saddened you.

“You died, Cas…” you whispered, a tear making its way down your cheek.

“You should have waited. Your heaven. Y/N, do you realise what you gave up?”

You nodded.

“I know. You would have been in my Heaven.”

“And we would have had a beautiful forever.” He wiped the rest of your tears away.

“I had to.” you hiccuped, looking into his sapphire eyes.

“And now, you’re stuck here. Forever,” the Cosmic Entity spoke. And I want to know why you’re awake.”

He poked Cas.

“I don’t know.”

“Well, think.”

“The Winchesters must have made a deal-”

“No, no, no, no,” He interrupted shaking his head. “Not with me and I’m the only one that has any pull here. Not heaven, not hell, not G.O.D himself, so. Think. Harder,” he sneered. “Wrack that perky little brain of yours.” He tapped Castiel’s forehead.

“Hey!”

“Stay away from me.” Cas warned.

“Okay, fine, I’ll wrack it for you.”

The Cosmic Entity taking on Cas’ form put his hand on Castiel’s head. You rushed forward as Castiel started yelling in pain, falling to his knees. Empty!Cas gripped your head and you went down in pain as you felt your brain surge. Your hands gripped his arm, but he wouldn’t let go and you screamed in agony, the pressure in your head building.

Then it was gone. You were on your hands and knees breathing heavily, stars in your eyes, head hurting. Beside you, you heard Castiel.

“What did, what did you do to me?”

“I read your mind, such as it is, and hers.”

You groaned on the ground. Castiel slowly sat on his knees.

“What do you want?”

“What do I want? I want you to shut! Up! I want, hmmmm having you awake, it’s like a gnat flew right up here, and it’s trapped and it’s buzzing.” he said, tapping his head.

“Having me awake, it’s causing you pain.” “Cas…” you groaned.

“If you can’t sleep, I can't sleep. Yeah. And I like sleep. I need sleep.”

“Then get rid of me.” Cas grunted.

“No!” you shouted. You were scared the Empty would throw Cas deep into the Emptiness.

“Oh I should, should I?”

“Send me back to Earth.”

“Or I throw you so far deep into the Empty that you can't bother me anymore, hmm.”

“No. No, no, no, no. Send him back to Earth. He belongs there.”

The Empty crouched down to you.

“He belongs here. Asleep,” His hand cradled your head. His hand was in essence Castiel’s but you didn’t lean in to his touch. “What about you, hmmm. How do I get you to sleep?” He stroked your hair.

“Send. Him. Back.”

“That’s not part of the deal. Mm-mm, no, no. Besides, you don’t want him to go back.”

“I do. Sam and Dean need him.”

“Ohh save it! I have tiptoed through all your little tulips,” His fingers danced on your head. “Your memories, your little feelings, yes. I know what you hate. I know who you love,” He looked to Castiel. “What you fear. There is nothing for him back there.”

“That’s not true!!”

“It is, mmm-mmm. Oh it is. He was such a constant festering disappointment.”

“He wasn’t. Not to me.”

The Empty shoved you further on the ground.

“No. Don’t you touch her.” Castiel crawled over to you and The Cosmic Entity kicked him back. Castiel grunted hitting the floor.

“If I can get you both to sleep then I can sleep. Just let’s lay down and and try and sleep.” He said stroking your back.

“Hmmm, think about it. Infinite peace, yes, no regrets, no pain.” You were beginning to feel quite tired until he tapped you. “Kiddo save. Yourself.”

“She’s already saved.” A voice close by growled. You turned and saw Cas on his knees.

The Empty kicked him hard in the stomach and he fell, groaning.

“Stop!” you yelled loud enough to wake every sleeping demon and angel.

“You can prance, and you can preen, and you can scream, and yell, and remind me of my failings, but somehow I am awake, and I will stay awake, and I will keep you awake until we both go insane.”

The truth hurt for Empty!Cas. He punched Castiel in the face, his head whipping to one side. You made your way over.

“I will fight you,” Cas slowly stood up.”I will fight you. I will fight you forever. For eternity. ”

The Empty shook his head. “No. No.”

“Release me.”

Castiel stepped closer to him, getting up in his face. “Release. Me. Release Y/N.”

Empty Cas smiled a twisted wolfish grin.

“Sorry, buddy. No can do.”

“I’m not leaving without her.”

“It’s okay, Cas. You can go. You don’t have to wait for me.” you said behind him.

Castiel turned back around and embraced you.

“She knew this would happen. Oh boy, did she.”

He hugged you tight and you inhaled his scent for one last time.

“I don’t want to go back without you.”

“That’s not how it works, Cas.” you said.

“One life for a life.” Empty!Cas stated.

“I will find a way for you. I will. I will get you out of here. You don’t deserve this eternity. I will give you your heaven.”

“Cas… I already have my heaven. It was seeing you again. Here. That’s all I wanted. To get to say goodbye. You gave me a great couple of years. And I loved every single minute of it. I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

He let the tear fall down his cheek. You gave a sad smile.

“Oh enough with the sentimental crap.”

You cupped his cheek, ignoring the Empty. “Tell them I died happy. And that I’m fine. Tell them it’s not their fault. Not Sam’s. Not Dean’s, especially not Jack’s.”

Castiel nodded then leant down, pressing his lips to yours, giving you a small kiss.

“In death, I promise you. I will bring you back.”

“Time’s up.” The Cosmic Entity pulled Castiel away.

“Y/N… I-” He never got to finish the sentence as he vanished from your existence back to Earth.

Castiel Fic Tags:

@greenappleeyes @sugarcookiedean @one-to-beam-up @mypassionsarenysins

#The Big Empty #Empty!Cas #castiel #castiel flangst #fluff and angst #castiel x reader #spn fanfic

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loveinthebones · 6 years

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Sometimes, I am reading and I’ll have a thought. It never fails to please me when my hunches are indulged in the narrative.

Vincent tries (and seems to succeed in this moment) to convince Gil that Alice is the one who is harming Oz and while that make be true in a sense, regarding her powers... Vincent taunts Gil that it is because he saw Alice as “human”, he started to consider her a “comrade” and I don’t mean to be nit picky but-

Isn’t Alice and her sister human anyway, in a sense?

They were born to a human mother- the thing that makes them “not” human is the Abyss and going by what happens to the illegal contractors- being in close proximity of the Abyss can start to leak that power into a person, so while W-Rabbit may have lost her humanity to become the Will/Intention of the Abyss... Does that really apply to Alice?

Sablier fell into the Abyss- what- a hundred years ago? So, if Alice was human when she was in the tower... would a hundred years strip her of her humanity? Of course, time passes strangely in the Abyss so a hundred years in actual time is how long in the Abyss? Days?

I don’t know why I am fixated on this, but Vincent, buddy, you might want to look at your logic because you, Gil, and Break were in the Abyss for a bit too.

That’s not even touching the fact that Gil just said he would kill Oscar and Ada, who are very much human and not contracted as far as I’m aware...

However, it is apparent that memories are not always accurate.

Jack composed “Lacie” before the Tragedy and yet, Elliot has composed it in the current timeline... Gil has an unwavering loyalty to Oz but it flashes to Jack in this panel. So, is Gil loyal to Oz because he resembles/carries Jack’s soul or is it because of his friendship or a blend of both?

Break warned Gil that his loyalty may be used as a weapon to pierce his loved ones and wound them... was that concerning Oz? Or was he speaking of Jack and the loyalty of years past? If he was, indeed, loyal to Jack... that could very well hurt Oz in the future because they may be of the same Vessalius name but they are not the same person/entity.

I also have questions about the houses... Alice was on the Baskerville property and may have been a Baskerville.

Vincent and Gilbert were not always with Nightray and with the stigma against people with crimson eyes...

Were they taken in by Jack under the Vessalius name? He is the third son and at that point in time... that name wasn’t regarded as legendary or that of a heroic bloodline.

He might have but this scene raises questions about Gil... “weak, kind, and cruel”... hasn’t changed... Hmmm...

This ends the main story in this volume and I can’t wait to learn about Gil.

#long post #kat reads manga #pandora hearts #ph spoilers #thoughts #i'm just rambling #i'm sorry if it is a bit disoriented #i'm a bit under the weather #pandora heart spoilers

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venacoeurva · 6 years

Text

Aftermath, Chapter 10: A Familiar Coldness

You can read this on AO3 here.

If you are new to this fic, you can start from chapter 1 here. And PLEASE read the tags and the notes at the start of each chapter for content warnings, I am not responsible for your mental health, you are.

This chapter is rated: T (mostly for language)

Terra considers the main personal topics of the month, Isa is angry and kind of a mess(again), Lea is disappointed in Isa (again), and night lights are an important part to a home. This isn't a very action-packed chapter, mostly fleshing out a pathway to future events and to get some of Terra's perspective and concerns before more Isa perspective-centric chapters.

No trigger warnings for this one unless you don't like someone having a panic attack, otherwise it's fairly mild.

The clouds began to cover the world in a blanket of snow, sky a dark gray and quiet as everyone went to their homes.

There were a few persistent things on Terra’s mind as he power-walked back home, them being what Xemnas was up to, was Vanitas acclimating to not having to fight all the time, and if Isa was fine with being called Isa now or if he was just running with it because everyone called him that. It seemed like he’d ask at least him and Lea to call him something else if he wasn’t for being called that, though. He’d have to ask.

Vanitas was still very much a work in progress, as much as any teenager who was originally existing only to become a weapon and was beaten in combat every day. The pain he felt with every Unversed’s demise only made it harder on him. He still mostly avoided everyone sans Ventus, who he was very clingy toward despite proclaiming how annoying he was. His days still comprised of trailing warily after Ven while holding on to some article of clothing which was usually a sleeve or wristband, being angry, and having panic attacks before going to his room for hours. He was very sensitive to being seen crying. So yeah, he had a while and needed to work on a lot to even be remotely functional.

If he was mature enough and comfortable, he could sit down with Isa and discuss their abusive upbringings and find solidarity, but Vanitas definitely wasn’t at the point of discussing that. It wasn’t like Isa was open to just telling anyone about his childhood, either; he’d probably just shut off his feelings again and Saïx-mode would activate.

Speaking of, Saïx mode hadn’t been seen in quite a while. Maybe he was coping with emotions better now, or just better at suppressing them to the point where it wasn't like there was an on-off switch on him.

And then there was Xemnas. It also wasn’t hard to tell he did not like Xemnas—he represented the darkest point of Terra’s existence. He was his own body moving and doing without much of his input, and now he was basically a copy of him with a different personality that budded within his body prior! Xemnas was a walking effigy of trauma for him.

Now, he could sympathize with Isa as to why he was apparently somewhat fond of him, though. What he did not understand was how those feelings coexisted so easily with his plans to casually murder him. Saïx was an enigma, and he would use the useful and discard the impractical if the situation called for it—that was about the best reasoning he could come up with. Also, abandonment issues and patricide.

As time went on, more memories from his time as Xemnas and Xemnas as a separate entity came back to him, and the more he began to comprehend their interactions as well as the thoughts and feelings of the people within his body at the time. He could see the branching off as their heart recovered and Xemnas gained his own sense of self. It seemed only natural for him to do so while his heart formed even if he was going to be strong-armed as a vessel if he didn’t want to comply. Whether he was reluctant or not was debatable, but he has his own motives outside of that whole issue.

Some information was helpful socially, like he remembered that Isa couldn’t lay on his stomach and feel something on his back or else he’d panic and get violent and he had always hated people touching him before he could see them. In retrospect, that made a lot of sense why when he was affectionate he’d be consistently looking at whoever the recipient was or initiated it himself. Prior to remembering this, Terra wasn’t sure if Isa disliked the latter purely because of his jumpiness after moving into the apartment—partially because of what he went through and because his mental breakdown put him in a pretty bad place. That was an easy assumption to make, to be fair.

Other things he could recall were that Braig was very picky with what brushes he could use to tame his hair (no wonder it always looked so silky and free of snarls), Lea would drink basically anything caffeinated but really liked macchiatos and energy drinks that should probably be banned and he was double-jointed, and Vexen could reach incredibly high octaves if you scared him badly enough. The man could be an opera singer or could join a choir.

Regardless, it would be so strange to see Xemnas separate from him, to see someone who was basically an exact clone going about completely independently from him and Xehanort. This wasn’t to say Terra anticipated seeing him; he would greatly prefer he instead melt back into nothingness and everyone could just move on like before he made his not-so-grand return. It wasn’t like he could state this out loud, as it was fairly harsh, but he knew that sentiment could be read from him enough already. Maybe that’s why Isa felt so distant on a personal level; he didn’t feel like he could talk about any of it with him, now. Too much bias and Isa got a sense that discussing him was basically taboo. That kind of hurt.

He knew Isa was in a strange place emotionally, he was showing signs of slipping into a depressive episode again, and he remembered now that Xemnas…well. He knew Isa couldn’t know that—not now. It wasn’t even his place to say it, it was Xemnas’, but he felt responsible in keeping it from him as long as he could if he didn’t already know. There was no benefit for anyone, it would just cause more problems.

He had to wonder if that would bite him in the ass later.

The fluffy snow bounced off him as he continued on and wished the climate was a bit more tropical or arid. At least a hot shower would feel wondrous. Then he’d make dinner after that—it was his turn—and take a nice nap.

He unlocked the door and stepped in, slipping his shoes off by the mat. He heard Lea in the kitchen, voice low. Freezing where he stood, he listened in.

“…I mean, I’m glad you’re doing better but I don’t think you should act like here is the perfect place to cap your recovery off.” Lea sighed.

“How am I doing that?” Isa asked, irritated, “And do you even know what the full extent of what I need to recover from is?”

“Just—why? You were doing so well and getting used to people and all that then you start cutting other people off again!”

“Any improvement from being an antisocial hermit seems like a big one, Lea. It’s plateauing right now since I can function for the most part but I still have incredibly low energy and my depressive symptoms aren’t as manageable knowing I can feel. There’s a burnout in improvement once it’s survivable, and mine happens to be a long but not intense one.”

Isa sighed and continued. “Just because there’s still feelings, too, it doesn’t mean I’m going ahead with it. There’s no guaranteed chance of that. It’s not like he’s the only one, either, and you know that. We simply grew up too much for our relationship to stay romantic and functional, so can you stop blaming this for the reason why I’m not dating you again?”

“How am I using that as an excuse?” Lea sputtered. “I mean, duh, I’m a bit salty he’s an option for you and not me, but that’s not…”

“Why can’t we hold a conversation without this happening?” Isa hissed, half at Lea and half at himself. “Why do you come over like you’re not going to let your jealousy turn into an argument?”

“It’s not jealousy! I’m just worried because, y’know, maybe developing feelings for your former superior who is also kind of nuts is a bad thing.”

“You have some gall to act innocent when you’re part of the reason that’s even an issue now.”

Lea growled, "Seriously?"

Isa stood up, hands slamming hard on the table. “It was your idea to go into that castle, dumbass! And then after that horror show and we were proper traumatized, you just decide to fuck off and abandon me!”

“Your interests weren’t for the better good, by that point, and they weren’t just about getting out! You were emotionally torturing these kids because you saw them as weapons and the fact I was friends with them when we thought we couldn't feel anything. And—and don’t act like I never went back for you! I care about you, but not enough to jeopardize other people I care about.” Lea snarled.

“Well too bad you didn’t stay and we would have gotten the job done before any of that would have happened!” Isa roared, a familiar vibration in his voice that signaled that maybe it was time to step in.

Terra loudly closed the door and could hear them turn in their seats.

“Just me.” He called.

“Ah, hey, dude.” Lea grunted as he casually got out of his seat and walked into the living room, attempting to make his expression as relaxed as possible.

Isa didn’t follow and could be heard sipping something out of a mug with the intensity of a thousand suns.

“Sorry for not being able to catch up with ya, I have places to be.” Lea stated and slipped past Terra.

“Are you sure…?” Terra quietly muttered as he watched him close the door behind him.

He walked into the kitchen to see Isa sat at the table with a rather peeved expression and clenched fists.

Folding his arms, he gave him a sympathetic smile. “I, uh, walk in on something? There was yelling.”

“He’s got the wrong idea, and I wish he’d stop being caught up in the fact I’m not attracted to him anymore. Just because I don’t want to date him doesn’t mean I don’t care about him. That, and he shouldn't get to act like he never caused me pain just because he came back and because I did things wrong, too.”

“It can take a while to process being rejected, especially if it’s someone you used to date and thought you had a chance with again. Plus, a lot has happened with you two--sort of, uh, hurting each other.”

Isa rubbed his temples, shaking his head.

“I can see why you’re kind of reluctant to have him over if that happens every time.” Terra added and went to get a glass of milk.

“He clings to the past too much, and I think he’s jealous but won’t admit it flat-out.”

“I’m sure that’s part of it. He’ll get over it and be bearable to talk to…probably. I think he expected you two to go back to being on really good terms when, well, too much changed and he got out of the pessimistic mindset from earlier and ended up with some hope.”

Isa groaned and sank in his chair, taking another drink.

“He acts like I was the one who abandoned him first.”

“Give him time to cool down and probably a mediator.” Terra reassured, turning to him. “What are you hungry for?”

“I have no real preference. I think I’m going to nap this off. I’m getting a migraine.” Isa uttered.

Terra watched him aggressively shuffle to the couch and lay down. He turned back to the counter and looked over his options. They had a nice new rice cooker, so they could at least have rice to put something on. Maybe stir-fry? No, he wasn’t going to attempt that. He could just bake some potatoes; those kept well for a few hours after being made.

Tying his hair back, he shuffled to the pantry and pulled a few big potatoes out.

How and why did one of the major issues right now end up being relationship drama? He should be thankful for that, but still, why? hopefully that would resolve soon.

“It’s getting pretty dark out.” Isa groggily stated, looking up from his place on the couch and out the big window above it. “I think that snow storm is coming in.”

“At least the weather can decide what it wants to do. By the way, some baked potatoes are in the oven when you want them.” Terra said as he walked by with a laundry basket of his clothes to put away.

“For a few days.”

Terra resumed, walking into the bedroom and sliding open the drawers on his side of the dresser. He set the basket down and flipped the light switch up. The shadows in the corners dissipated and he sat on the floor to fold some pants.

He pursed his lips, deep in thought (and annoyance) about the weather and how uncomfortable it would be to work out in that world if he was going to. It wouldn’t be as bad if the gardens didn’t get so icy.

He stood, and the room went pitch black.

The hairs on the back of his neck prickled, stomach twisted, and electricity shot up his spine. Blood rushed through his ears and the primal fear set in. If he could have seen the room, it would be spinning.

Frozen but his heart beating out of his chest, Terra softly gasped. He felt absolutely trapped, suffocating in the inky dark. Oh no, not again. He expected to feel the pain of a heart ripping forcing its way into his chest, the blue moon glaring balefully down, and watching himself split into two people in succession, but every memory pounced on him at once.

He squeezed his eyes shut so that face wouldn’t be staring at him, but he couldn't quash the images flashing under his eyelids or the feeling of what it was like to fade. Oh, god, he couldn’t breathe. One hand on his chest and the other on his throat, trying to force himself to breathe normally, damnit! His balance was off, head light, and he felt like his legs weighed tons.

“Terra. Breathe.”

A hand slowly pressed onto his shoulder.

He blinked, shivering and wrenching his eyes upward to make some sense of where he was.

“Terra,” Isa murmured as he knelt down, a small flame dancing on his hand, “the power went out.”

“The—oh…”

Using water for electricity was fairly cheap and generally stable, but they had to adapt with the wind, magic, sun, and coal after the fall. There were quite a few blackouts and brownouts already. That was the nice thing about The Castle That Never Was--it didn't have outages.

Isa wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him up onto quaking legs and letting him lean on him. If there's one thing he learned about Terra, it's he reacted well to tactile stimulation when panicking or anxious. It was unusual compared to other people with similar issues to the two of them, but the fact he went a decade with dulled senses and a lack of stimulation made sense of why he found comfort in being touched and being able to feel it fully. Isa was the same way, but he just didn't like being alone in that state.

“It’s warmest in here, so let’s sit on the bed while you calm down and I'll get the extra blankets.”

Isa patted his shoulder and led him around.

“I didn’t think the dark would do that to me.” Terra grunted and sat. "I thought it was the moon."

He gripped the covers under him and took a few slow but deep breaths. Maybe it was both?

Isa sat down next to him. “We could always get one of those dusk-to-dawn nightlights that are hardly bright but are noticeable and have a battery for when the power goes out. We, or I, could go get one today while picking up some other things once you calm down more.”

He dug into his nightstand for a flashlight, adding, “Maybe the power will be back on by the time we get back.”

“Or maybe tomorrow. Look outside, it's snowing pretty hard and I'm sure a lot of places have no power. But I just…can’t believe I’m afraid of the dark.” Terra groaned, tired and sulky.

“To be fair, it’s so dark out and the blinds are closed, it was very abrupt." Isa clicked the light to life. "There's usually some light pouring in from outside, even at night.”

“It’s such a lame thing to be scared of, though, even if there are valid reasons!” Terra sighed, standing back up now that he could get his bearings and it didn't feel like his lungs were going to implode.

Isa patted him on the shoulder again and stepped past to go to the living room. “Terra, I’m scared of walking down stairs with someone somewhat close behind me. Yours makes sense after everything you went through and because it's so much harder to avoid the dark.”

“So does yours…” Terra quietly retorted as he slowly followed after him.

Just because it's been so long and you don't remember what...

#aftermath #fic #isa #saix #terra #axel #lea #Artsyfartsyness #long post on mobile #okay to reblog

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