#I am so bad at days! but happy birthday sammy <3

[jackexmachina]

Sam Winchester Appreciation Week 2023 day 5: LGBT+ Sam // Favorite Sam Relationships Maybe I'm not worth all this. Your mom thought you were. So did Cas. So do I. thanks to @suncaptor and @ghostsam <3

[trickster-tabby]

Toasted

Sebastian wants Sam to smoke weed with him. Sam has refused in the past, saying he refuses to smoke anything until he's 18. As such, Sebastian has been eagerly waiting for Sam's 18th birthday, and it's arrived...

Note from Stel: I am writing this high for the best experience so I apologize for any mistakes. also Sam is younger than Seb because I said so. this takes place on Sam's 18th birthday but Seb is already 18. also Seb is trans and about 3 months on T, and he lives alone after Demetrius and Maru moved to the city and Robin passed

Pairing: sambastian

Warnings: smoking weed, first time high, sexual jokes, casual nudity, making out(almost goes further but they get sleepy instead), mention of a trans man's boobs

"Oh, Sammy~" Sebastian sang cheerfully as he let himself into Sam's bedroom. "Guess what day it is?"

"...Tuesday?"

Sebastian flopped down onto Sam, who was still in bed. Sam let out an "oof!" as his boyfriend crushed him.

"No, it's your birthday! Happy birthday, Sam!"

"Oh, yeah." Sam pushed Sebastian off of him and pulled the blanket over himself. "Why are you so excited? ...and why the hell did you get up so early?"

"Remember that promise you made?"

Sam thought for a moment. He'd just woken up, and couldn't remember what promise he meant. He looked at Sebastian for an answer.

Sebastian smiled mischievously and pulled a plastic baggie out of his pocket. It was full of green lumps.

"Oh, shit. That promise."

Sebastian laughed and put the bag back in his pocket. "You said you'd smoke with me on your eighteenth. That's today!"

Sam sat up, rubbing his eyes as he finally woke up fully. "Well, we gotta wait until tonight, at your place. Mom would kill me if we smoked in the same house as my little brother."

"Deal. Come over around six?"

-

Sam nervously fidgeted with the lighter Sebastian had given him. The two of them were sitting on Sebastian's bed.

Sebastian was packing the weed into a cigarette-shaped... Thing. Sam wasn't sure what it was called, but he'd seen it before. Was it a hand pipe?

"So, uh... How bad am I gonna cough?"

Sebastian smiled. "Probably a lot. Like, cough up a lung, a lot. It's gonna be fun."

Sam looked down at the lighter awkwardly. "So I've literally never smoked anything, ever, in my life... Do I just breathe it in?"

Sebastian handed one of the pipes to Sam, lifting the one he had previously packed for himself. "What I do is... I pull the smoke into my mouth, then slowly breathe it into my lungs. If you want to hold it for a few seconds that'll usually get you high faster."

As Sebastian took a drag from his pipe, Sam raised his to his mouth and carefully watched Sebastian. He copied Sebastian's actions, and...

Coughed so hard his eyes watered.

"Oh fuck, that burns!"

Sebastian exhaled his smoke with a laugh. "Let me show you how to do this."

-

Sam laid on Sebastian's soft rug, staring at the old star stickers on the ceiling.

Sebastian sat shirtless on the bed, staring down at his boyfriend amusedly.

"You okay there, Sammy?"

"I feel like a DVD player."

The two of them laughed uncontrollably for a moment.

Sebastian absentmindedly chewed on his finger, watching Sam endure the rather twitchy high.

"Wow. Why did I refuse this before? Feels weird, in a good way." Sam reached up and watched his fingers wiggle.

"What's it feelin' like for you?" Sebastian flips his legs behind him and laid on his front, still staring down at Sam.

"I'm simultaneously tomorrow, and three thousand and fifty-two years ago."

"Sounds fun."

"You know what else sounds fun?" Sam sat up and looked at Sebastian.

"What?"

Sam shook his hand in a rather suggestive motion, before smirking at Sebastian.

"I'm not gonna jerk you off, loser."

"Aww, come on."

Sebastian sat back up.

"...eh, maybe later. Wanna kiss?"

Sam clambered up onto the bed and promptly locked lips with Sebastian. Seb let out a hum as he ran his fingers through Sam's hair, hugging him tightly.

Sam growled as he pulled back from the kiss and pushed Sebastian down onto his back. Sebastian wasn't wearing his binder, and the bounce of Sebastian's naked chest made Sam giggle a bit.

"Nice tits, dude."

Sebastian burst into laughter. "Thanks, I grew them myself."

Sam laid himself down on Sebastian, kissing him again. Their tongues danced around each other, and Sebastian squeaked a bit as he tried to hold back a moan.

Sam trailed his lips down to Sebastian's neck, gently and lovingly kissing his boyfriend.

"I'm... sleepy."

Sam laughed against Sebastian's neck. "Why the heck him so eepy!"

"I'm eepy!"

They laughed again, and Sebastian crawled over to his nightstand and clicked off the lamp. He crawled back and nestled himself in Sam's arms, with his back to him.

Sam spooned his boyfriend, pulling the blanket up over them.

"Can I hold your tits?"

Seb nodded, and Sam cupped one of them.

"Warm..."

Sebastian maneuvered his feet to pull one of Sam's legs between his own so his thighs didn't stick together in his sleep.

"Night, Sam."

"Mmmmmmeh."

@catboygirlboss

[doggirl08-moved]

( 07/01/23 ) Birthday more like.. funday :3

Today, 07/01/2008 is my birthday! I am now 15 officially I have been looking forward to this day all year one day to myself for everyone is on their best behavior and everyone is nice to me plus cake! I woke up very excited already getting calls and texts saying happy birthday but I was nervous either way my aunt was going to come over. Shes interesting in a bad way in the I will pick on you and way and ruin everything. We got food and I even got a peek at the cake but I was upset Sammie ( My friend ) couldn't come and my Aunt was here so I panicked I was silent the whole time I was eating and I looked like a saw a ghost and not a ghost I want to see a ghost I want to ignore! She left and I felt bad for being quiet and living whenever I had the chance. Everyone was mad at me and Abbey ( Sister ) got everyone to dogpile on me I wanted to cry for messing up but then Bethany my savoir and cousin came over and I felt better after a lot of people interrupting me and opening some cards and just trying to cheer up. For one day being about me they didn't let me speak but oh well cake time I had fun and I got a lot of photos taken of me! All my sadness just hid in the back of my head to be forgotten while I eat some cake! It was delicious, chocolate with whipped chocolate icing! It was multiple layers and great! Abbey kept being weird but I avoided her and had fun!

After the cake, I opened presents and I got some new lights, a new tapestry, and a new bag! I also got some money to spend on some new stuff for my room! Bethany insisted we take more photos since my outfit was cute and I didn't mind but I felt bad since my smile is weird my eyes close when I smile and it's embarrassing..people make fun of me and I hate it! I tried hanging up my lights while Bethany and Abbey were sitting on my bed so I couldn't do much!

After that, we went to see the new Spiderverse I was thrilled since I saw the first one years ago on News Years' Eve and I loved it and it was great! The guy at the movies put us down as one adult, and two kids and we were happy he let us slide but the girl was like "No way you're not getting in! Manager come to his station" and he's like Coworker let them in." and she let us through! ( My favorite character was Peter, The Spot, and Spiderbyte : 3 ( Also that one spider in a wheelchair, Sunspider? ). Abbey was crying in the middle of the movie and I felt very awkward the boys in front of us had the loudest laugh and it wasn't even during the funny moments I wanted to pass out but I had fun watching it and for once Dad stayed awake during a movie it was like a miracle! Abbey was acting moody after the movie and all me and Dad did was shrug since I am not letting her ruin my special day. ( If you're wondering why I didn't comfort her she should've slapped me really hard : ( and she hates that stuff, she just saw a sad scene ). We left and the car was weird all she did was tell me to shut up but I didn't worry.

It makes me upset that on my special day, people are never on their best behavior even though I am on theirs! I don't stay up and act annoying I go to bed early and make sure you have the best time why not do the same for me? I get Kylie don't worry about them you don't have to yeah but they are giving me something to worry about! Ugh!

But I had fun this was my first 'birthday' party in years and it made me very happy the movie was a nice cherry on top of this already fun day! 10 / 10 <3

[holylulusworld]

Dear John – The road to redemption

Summary: John is out for blood and tries to be a father for your twins at the same time.

Pairing: Mobster!John x fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, language, age gap (the reader is around 30, John 50), mentions of break-up/unrequited feelings, mentions of an abusive relationship/domestic violence (not John), daddy!John, comforting, fluff, Dean being a good big brother, just like Sam

Characters: Benny Lafitte, Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester

<< Part 1

Part 2/3

Divider by @firefly-graphics​

“Look, John jr., I saved you a slice of my favorite pie,” Dean grins when his five-year-old brother’s eyes grow wide. My baby boy nods eagerly, already grasping for the fork to dig it into the pie Dean places in front of him.

I smile, knowing all too well my eldest is a proud big brother who would go to hell and back for his new siblings just like he did for Sam.

“Johnny loves pie,” my baby girl quips, grinning up at Dean. She smiles, knowing the tall guy next to her is her big brother. “Now I got three big brothers – awesome,” in not two days Sofia grew close to Dean and Sam.

“Daddy, do you like pie too?” John jr. asks, earning a chuckle from Dean who looks at me, a cocky grin on his lips. “Do you?”

“I like some once in a while but, unlike Dean, I am not addicted,” nodding thoughtfully my little boy looks at the pie. A grin appears on his face and he looks me straight in the eyes.

“More pie for me and my big brother, daddy,” I laugh, even throw my head back as I haven’t had kids at my house for ages. The kids make me feel like a young man again and I forget for a moment, a douche is after my girl. “What do you like daddy?”

“That’s not for your ears, John jr.,” Y/N enters the kitchen, kisses the top of my son’s head softly as she covers his ears with her hands, Sam immediately covers my daughter’s ears, knowing Y/N will use a bad word.

“He’s more into eating something else,” I can’t hold back the groan leaving my lips at Y/N’s words. She looks at me, something dangerous in her eyes but, I can see the tension left her body. “Not that I would have complained, though.”

Shit, I feel my face heat up. I bet my sons can see I am putty in Y/N’s hands if she wants me. Before I find my voice to give her a snarky comment she turns her attention toward Sofia and John jr. and my heart swells when she switched into ‘mommy modus’. 

“And how good you tasted,” I finally find my voice, and Y/N giggles at my words, missing the way I roam her body when she takes the cup of coffee Dean offers to her. “I mean, your pie.” I backpaddle as my sons look at me, pointing toward the kids. 

“Dad said you want to sell your parents’ house,” Sam tries to change the topic. “Maybe my girlfriend can help you. She sold her parent's house three years ago.”

“Yeah, we all know your girl is awesome, Sammy,” Dean groans, causing me to roll my eyes. My boys are grown men, but they like to tease each other like kids. “Ruby is smart. Ruby is sexy – blah blah.”

“Son, not now. Ruby is your brother’s girlfriend, stop nagging about the girl. She is part of our family soon enough,” I need to stop my eldest, knowing he doesn’t like Ruby too much.

“Did you forget she got him addicted?” Dean bites back. His hands balled into fists he curses under his breath. “We need months to get him down from that shit and suddenly she’s a saint to everyone but me. I do not trust her one bit.”

“Dean, not that old song again. Ruby and I got addicted and-“ Sam stops in his tracks when Y/N raises one hand.

“Not in front of the kids, Sam. If you and your brother want to fight or talk about adult themes, do it when my children are not around. They went through enough due to my mistake,” she sniffs now. “I need-“ I run after her when Y/N runs out of the room, crying bitterly. “I shouldn’t have come here.”

“Y/N, you belong to me,” I cup the back of Y/N’s neck to force her to look up at me. I hate to let the dangerous mobster out, but she needs to understand – there is no way I’ll ever let her go. Not now, not ever. “You’re mine,” my lips claim hers, a bit too rough, and honestly a bit clumsily but I can’t help it. I need to feel her lips against mine.

“John,” she pants against my chapped lips, whimpers as I kiss her again to calm her a little. Fuck me, she still tastes like back then. Like strawberries, vanilla, and sin. “John.”

“Sorry, doll,” I breathe against her soft pillows. “I wanted to show more patience but having you here makes me go crazy. I know you can’t forgive me that easily, but you cannot deny you feel it too. The pull, the need to touch me,” I kiss her again, this time slow and gentle. “How about you get ready for the day and we talk later?”

“John, this isn’t a happy reunion or a second chance for love. This is me and my kids running from a violent man who tries to get me back whilst my former lover keeps me hostage at his house to protect me,” Y/N spats. I didn’t believe she will forgive me anytime soon but her words still sting. “I just want to be left alone.”

“I understand you do not trust me but,” I cup her face, not letting her look away, “you are my girl, always were mine. I don’t care about anything else but you and my kids. Trust me, I’ll make that bastard pay for hurting you.”

“I don’t want you to hurt him, John. I just,” she sniffles, tries to hide her tears from me. I always admire Y/N for being strong and stubborn, “Please, I never want to see him again. Tell him to leave me alone.”

“That I can do, doll. I promise he will never hurt you or my children again. But,” I bring Y/N into my arms, not caring she struggles against my strength, “I can’t let you go after. You’re my girl, the one I love. Even if you never let me in again, I want you in my life, Y/N.”

“John, I-“ her voice cracks, and I hold her a bit tighter, let her fist my button-up and take the slap she gives me with all her strength like a man. “You can’t just tell me what to do,” and there she is, the angry stubborn girl I loved to tame.

“You’re still my bad girl,” I muse, pecking Y/N’s forehead. “Please stay here until I handled the situation with James. He seems to be a dangerous man.”

“You are one to talk,” Y/N grins up at me, the fire I loved so much back in her eyes. “John Winchester, head of the Winchester’s empire talks about James being a dangerous man. Your dark aura was one of the things making me fall for you.”

“Oh, you naughty girl,” teasing Y/N is like a hobby to me. “I knew you loved being my hostage a bit too much, dirty girl,” I whisper the last part into her ear. “I will not let anything happen to you or the kids, promised. Benny will stay here with you.”

“John,” Y/N looks up at me with teary eyes. “I don’t think you should kill him. Maybe it’s enough to tell him to stay away from me? You can be scary as shit.” I chuckle at my girl’s words. I know that most people are afraid of me, but oddly, Y/N never was one of them. 

“I promise to not kill him if it’s not necessary, Y/N,” I lie, fuck I lie shamelessly but how could I tell Y/N that the moment James laid hands on her he was a dead man. He just doesn’t know he’s dead yet. “How about you and the kids spend the day in the garden? Or do you want Benny to drive you somewhere?”

“I think I’ll just stay here,” I can see the fear return. Y/N’s eyes betray the brave face she puts on for me. “Do you have Netflix? We could watch cartoons or something.”

“I show you the TV later. If you get hungry, tell the cook what you want to eat, doll,” I smirk when Y/N tells me she’s a good cook. “Baby, you are anything but a good cook. You burned eggs, Y/N.”

“I got better,” she insists, and I kiss her again. Hungrily I invade her mouth, make her moan against me. “Hey, I didn’t mean that kind of cooking.” she scolds me playfully and I feel hope bloom in my chest. “I can make toast, pancakes, and baked a pie for the kids' birthday. Don’t underestimate my talent in the kitchen.”

“Oh-I remember your talent in the kitchen, especially the kitchen counter,” there it is, the nervous giggle. “You were such a good girl.”

“JOHN WINCHESTER,” Y/N punches my chest with her tiny fists. “Don’t say things like that with your kids around. They don’t need to know about all the dirty things you did to me.”

“…and with you,” I smirk when Y/N sighs at my words. “Promise me you’ll be still here when I come back.”

“I will stay as long as he’s out there, John. I don’t want him to get close to my children or me ever again. I am stubborn, not dumb,” I look at Y/N one last time before I decide it’s time to hunt that bastard down.

“I’ll be back in a blink, doll. Benny will help you today,” I peck Y/N’s check, let my lips linger a bit longer than needed. “No one will ever hurt you again.”

“Dean, Sam, Jimmy, I want you to come with me. Benny, you’ll stay at the mansion and watch over my girl and the kids. No one will enter the house without your permission. James Milster is out there, and we need to get hold of him,” close, so fucking close to losing control I look at my eldest. Dean, the one always following my orders places one hand onto my shoulder, nodding silently.

“We will get him, Sir,” Dean looks at his brother, unsure if Sam will follow my plan or not. “Right, Sam.”

“Y/N and her children will be safe after today,” Sam gives me a curt nod. He’s the smartest and most caring man I ever had the honor to meet.

I’m not saying Dean is not a good or smart man too. My eldest is a strong-headed, strong and caring man, but Sam, Sammy is different. I don’t know how he does it but around him, people feel comfortable, even though, he’s a giant.

“I need to make sure Y/N and my children are safe. John jr. and Sofia Rose are your siblings and it’s your duty, just like mine, to protect them at all cost. That man lived long enough after he hurt my girl. He’s out of luck now,” I pat my gun, giving my men a curt nod before we leave the mansion.

“Mommy, when will daddy be back?” Sofia Rose watches her brother pace around the living room. He couldn’t concentrate on the cartoons he wanted to watch, too busy to wait for John to come back. “Will he hurt James?”

“John,” I sigh, not knowing how to explain to my five-year-old son that his father will probably kill my ex-fiancé. “Your dad wants to talk to James, okay. Do you remember what I said the day we left his house?”

“That we don’t have to see him again and that daddy will protect us,” Sofia Rose steps closer to her brother, grasps his hand as she can see the worry on his features.

“Mommy, can we wait for daddy to come back? I want to see him before we go to sleep,” my daughter asks, knowing her big brother is worried about his father. “Please.”

“Of course, sweet pea. We will wait for daddy to come back,” it’s already late but I will not let fear cloud my mind. John knows how to handle any situation so I will wait for him to return and not worry.

I am a terrible liar, am I not?

Look at that bastard. How dare he to call me a lousy father when I aim a fucking gun at his head.

“That’s how you want to play the game?” I smirk when I unlock my gun. “How about we play – Winchester roulette? One bullet, six chambers – your life for my girl.”

His eyes wide James starts to beg for his life and I, well I, enjoy the show. I will not kill him with that gun, but this doesn’t mean I can’t have fun before I end his life as painful as possible.

“What do you say, son? Shall I play a game with James?” Dean sits onto the chair opposite James, shrugging. He doesn’t need to say a word, I can see it in my eldest eyes; he wants to rip James apart for hurting Y/N and scaring his siblings.

“Do as you wish, Sir,” Sam is the one opening the bag I brought with me to reveal all the nice toys to torture someone who really pissed me off. “Shall we begin, dad?”

“Please, I-“ James chokes on his words, wets his pants as he begs for his life but unlike other men – I know no mercy…

>> Part 3

 Tags in reblog.

[winjennster]

Carry On

Minor Vamp hunt in the rearview mirror, Sam and Dean leaned against the hood of the Impala, knocking back a couple of beers. Dean’s knee was aching, and Sam had a nice shiner, but they were alive and laughing and that’s all that mattered. 

“Dude, we are getting way too old for this.”

“Yup,” Dean agreed. “But these easy hunts are still kind of fun, honestly. ‘Sides you have more gray hair than I do, little brother!”

“Jerk.”

“Bitch. Besides, I know you just want to get home to Eileen and the kids.”

“I do. It’s Deanna’s ballet recital tomorrow night. She’s hoping Uncle Dean will be there.”

“Wouldn't miss it for the world.” They clinked their beers together. “Still can’t believe you named a kid after me.”

“You have a cat named Sammy.”

“No, Cas has a cat named Sammy and it’s short for Samantha.” Dean drained his beer. “Speaking of, I’m out. I got a memory foam with my name on it and a warm husband waiting for me.”

“Pfft, and you teased me about wanting to get home.”

“Yeah, I know.” They fell silent as Sam finished his beer. Dean took their empties and put them in a box in the backseat. “I have a whole cooler full of beer and we drank two. I don’t know why I even bring it.”

“I don’t know why we’re still hunting.”

“I dunno,” Dean shut the door, resting his arm on the Impala’s roof. “It’s just these little hunts. We send people for the big hunts.”

“Yeah, I know, I just--let’s send people for all the hunts.”

“Hey man, you do you, but I still like getting out there once in a while. I gotta get out of that bunker full of girls occasionally.”

“Please, like you don’t love being everyone’s mom.”

Dean hated the easy blush that warmed his cheeks. “Shuddup,” he muttered half-heartedly. 

“I think it’s cute. Jack and Claire totally treat you like you're their mom.”

“No, there’s Jody and Donna and--”

“And there’s Mama Dean, making sure everyone’s got plenty to eat and clean laundry and keeps everyone’s toiletries stocked up, not to mention is totally killing it on the birthday cake scene and oh yeah, I bet you’ve started Christmas shopping already.”

“Goddammit, Sam--”

“It’s not a bad thing! It’s amazing, and you’re like the happiest I’ve ever seen you and I’m happy for you!”

“Alright, alright, I get it. And I am happy, so there.”

“I know you are. C’mon, let’s get the hell out of here.” They shared a brief hug. Sam walked over to his Prius, and Dean had to bite his tongue not to make a joke about the stupid car, since Eileen had already warned him not to multiple times. 

“See you Sunday for dinner?”

“Wouldn’t miss it!” Sam confirmed, pulling open his door and sliding his overly large frame into the little car. 

Dean couldn’t help the chuckle as he got into his own sweet ride. He sang along to Carry On Wayward Son on the short drive back to the bunker. Everything was quiet as he made his way through darkened halls to the kitchen, thinking about those leftover burgers he’d made the other night that damn well better still be there or some twenty-somethings were gonna get it. 

He found Cas in the kitchen, sipping on a mug of tea. “Hey sunshine.”

“Hi. Sam texted to let me know you were on your way. I warmed a burger. It’s in the oven for you with some sweet potato fries.”

“Babe, you are the damn best,” Dean said, stopping to give Cas a sweet kiss before grabbing his food. He settled across the table from the absolute best husband in the world, deciding to eat one handed so he could hold Cas’s hand. “I missed you.”

“Missed you too. I called the florist and ordered a bouquet of daisies and pink roses for Deanna’s recital.”

“Awesome.”

“When you’re done, I can shower with you and then we’ll head to bed. Sounds good?”

“Sounds amazing. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Also on AO3--this is my attempt at @winchester-reload‘s Suptober2020. A series of drabbles, one for each day, with the day’s theme used somewhere in the ficlet. <3

[kitkatwinchester]

Happy Fanfic Writer Friday!!! What song lyric best represents one (or more) of your fics?

Happy (late) Fanfic Writer Friday!! 

Oooooooh!! 

Alright. You all know how much I love these questions, so you shouldn’t be surprised that I am of course going to do this for every single fic, ‘cause it’s fun. :) 

Also, as such, you should not be surprised that it’s late. XD 

Here goes nothing! 

P.S. Since it’s up on both sites now, I’m going to use the version of The Diamond Girl that’s on AO3, ‘cause I like that one more. XD 

P.P.S. Some of these are a lot longer than others, ‘cause I felt like I had to put a whole line (or five) to really get the full impact lol. 

In Alphabetical Order:

QuoteV

An Angel and a Human: We are the broken ones, who chose to spark a flame, watch as our fire rages, our hearts are never tame, ‘cause we were, ‘cause we were, ‘cause we were, ‘cause we were born for this, we were born for this (Born for This by The Score)

Finally: Time after time, you refuse to even listen, I wouldn’t mind, if I knew what I was missing (You Won’t See Me by The Beatles)

Invictus: We’re not related but here’s good news, friends are the family you can choose (Friends are Family by Oh, Hush!)

Love Will Remember: I know it inside my heart, forever will forever be ours, even if we try to forget, love will remember (Love Will Remember by Selena Gomez)

Sibling Love: What if I’m far from home, oh brother I will hear you call, what if I lose it all, oh sister I will help you out, oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you, there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do (Hey Brother by Avicii)

Supernatural Adventures in Babysitting: My world is waiting, don’t want to stop, give up, I want it all ‘cause I just ain’t had enough, keep up, we’re gonna show the world that there’s just no stopping us (Wildside by Sabrina Carpenter and Sofia Carson)

The Third Winchester: You could give me hell, you could give me death, right before I bend, I will have revenge, fire through my veins, I will fan the flames, until my dying breath, ‘cause I will never go down any other way (Any Other Way by We the Kings)

The Untold Past: Truth is that it was always going to end, this symphony buzzing in my head, took a market of filth, and sold like summer (The Good, the Bad, and the Dirty by Panic! At The Disco)

Archive of Our Own

5 Times Pepper Reminded Tony She’ll Always Be There for Him and 1 Time He Reminded Her: I will show you the way back home, never leave you all alone, I will stay until the morning comes, I’ll show you how to live again, and heal the brokenness within, let me love you when you come undone (Right Here by Ashes Remain)

Always and Forever: Here’s to the ones that we got, cheers to the wish you were here but you’re not ‘cause the drinks bring back all the memories, of everything we’ve been through (Memories by Maroon 5)

Checking In (On You): You’ll always have my shoulder when you cry, I’ll never let go, never say goodbye, you know you can count on me like one, two, three, I’ll be there, and I know when I need it I can count on you like four, three, two, and you’ll be there (Count On Me by Bruno Mars)

Don’t Mention It, Sammy: So hold on, no matter what we’ll take our bruises and our bumps, but know until kingdom come, you’re not alone, and if this world goes up in flames, just take my hand, don’t be afraid, I’ll fight for you until my days on Earth are done, ‘cause two hearts are better than one (Better Than One by The Score)

Family Traditions: Just close your eyes, the sun is going down, you’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now, come morning light, you and I’ll be safe and sound (Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift)

I’ll Be There: I’m only one call away, I’ll be there to save the day, Superman got nothing on me, I’m only one call away (One Call Away by Charlie Puth)

Love in Not So Many Words: I never knew anybody ‘til I knew you, and I know when it rains, oh, it pours, and I know I was born to be yours (Born to Be Yours by Imagine Dragons & Kygo)

My Favorite Troublemakers: You are loved more than you know, I hereby pledge all of my days, to prove it so, though your heart is far too young to realize, the unimaginable light you hold inside (Light by Sleeping at Last)

Never Again: Help, I need somebody, help, not just anybody, help, you know I need someone, help (Help! by The Beatles) 

Nothing Wrong with Being Yourself: When the sharpest words wanna cut me down, I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown ‘em out, I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I’m meant to be, this is me (This Is Me by Keala Settle)

S’More Family Time: This is a place where I don’t feel alone, this is a place where I feel at home, ‘cause I built a home for you, for me (To Build a Home by The Cinematic Orchestra)

The Diamond Girl: My power’s turned on, starting right now I’ll be strong, I’ll play my fight son, and I don’t really care if nobody else believes, ‘cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me (Fight Song by Rachel Platten)

The Meaning of Christmas: So I’m offering this simple phrase, to kids from one to ninety-two, although it’s been said, many times, many ways, Merry Christmas to you (The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole)

This Is Where...: We say goodbye, we hold on tight, to these memories that never die (Time of Our Lives by Tyrone Wells)

To An Amazing Big Brother: If you’re lookin’ for hope tonight, raise your hand, if you’re feelin’ alone and don’t understand, if you’re fightin’ in the fight of your life, then stand, we’re gonna make it through this hand-in-hand, and if we fall, we will fall together (Together by For King and Country)

Training Session: I wanna be like you, I wanna walk like you, talk like you, too (I Wanna Be Like You from The Jungle Book)

Welcome to Your New Home: Tell me why the world never fights fair, I’m trying to find home, a place where I can go, to take this off my shoulders, someone take me home (Home by Daughtry)

We’re Winchesters: Fire, faster, everlasting, higher, faster, never crashing, bet you didn’t think that I’d come back to life, stronger (Stronger by The Score)

What You Do For Family: When you lose your feet, fall down to your knees, and your heart’s about to break, I will be your saving grace, when your eyes can’t see, take. my eyes from me, when you’re lost and losing faith, I will be your saving grace (Saving Grace by Kodaline)

Where Life Begins and Love Never Ends: There is no power on earth like your father’s love, so big and so strong as your father’s love (Your Father’s Love by Gary Valenciano)

Who Knew Birthdays Could Be So Complicated: So if you’ve got an anxious heart, you’re not the only one, and I won’t let you fall apart, if you won’t let me run (The Village, the Wolf, and the Boy by Taylor Barrett)

Some of these don’t really fit as well as I’d like them to, but I think they all still work lol. And most of them are pretty spot-on! 

Thanks so much for asking this! Sorry it took me so long to answer, but I really loved this question! <3 

[sardonic-courtney]

Crowley x Reader. We Met Before. P2/7

Summary: You end up living with Bobby after your parents die. You go to church and meet Priest Crowley and you end up getting along (if you know what i mean). A few years later when Bobby passes you move the the bunker with Sam and Dean and end up meeting Crowley again.

Part 1  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6 Part 7

Warnings: Mention of loss, Spelling mistakes, Picture of gun (straight after keep reading), you go to church?

Around 1700 words.

Meeting:

(Around season 5 but not following story at all)

…the day before your 18th birthday. The day you can finally start training and helping on hunts. You fall asleep after the movie and wake up to your alarm reading 8.30am (Birthdate) Sunday. The day you had been waiting for. You could finally start training. Well after Sunday service, it was something your mother never failed to attend no matter what state she was hunting in and you kept that alive, even if you weren’t exactly sure how you felt about religion, but going helped you feel close to your mum again, and after hearing briefly about what the Winchesters had gone though it could be useful to learn a bit more. You got ready and headed to the kitchen where you met with Bobby.

“Happy Birthday kid” he said trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible, even though he had woken up kinda early on a weekend.

“Hey, I’m 18 now, no longer a kid.” You smiled at him.

He shook his head in response chuckling as he grabbed an envelope with a box attached to it. When you received it you could see your name written messily on the envelope in a blue ink, you opened it and to no surprise was a card with (Your fav animal) wearing a hat, just like every year. You smiled and read the inscription inside. Then headed for the black box with a gold ribbon loosely tied around, Bobby had never been the best at bows, but you love the effort. Untying and opening the box you see a silver gun with carvings on, and a wooden handle with a pentacle carved. (Like below but you can change to preference)

“I know it's not much, but it was your dad’s, the boys found it when they…” he trailed of for a second. “when they were searching the nest, I thought it was the best time to give it to you, seeing as you’re so god damned persistent on training.”

“I love it Bobby, thank you so much” You gently lay it on the table and encase him in a hug, which he allows for a few seconds”

“Alright” He said patting your back and stepping away, “just because you have a gun doesn’t mean you are ready to hunt though. Understood?”

“Yeah I know” you reply trying not to laugh at his stern expression.

“Right well there’s some (f/f) if your hungry” he said moving to reveal a plate behind him.

“Oh my gosh you didn’t have to” You say looking at the counter with a neatly plated breakfast. You grabbed it and sat down enjoying the change from the usual cereal or toast, and with a mouth half full asked. “When can I start?”

“Lunch time. We will start with some basics ways to hunt and defend yourself.”

You were about to speak when he interrupted guessing your thoughts.

“You won’t be going on any hunts anytime soon until you are 100% ready. You can help out with some of the research though”

You rolled your eyes, as if you didn’t already help with the research. You finished your food and said your goodbyes, Bobby probably heading back to bed for a nap, you left heading for church to see Priest Peter. He was a nice priest and you got to know him a bit with the visits you made.

You were stood outside the church on time at 9:30 when you friend Lena came up and you started heading in. Lena was lovely, you had met at your first church service and continues to go together ever since. You didn’t really see each other outside, but you grew close nonetheless. She was only a year older than you but sometimes it seemed like she was half her age. She like the rest of people outside your small family didn’t know it was your birthday, and you liked that.

“So (Y/N), did you hear Priest Peters gone away for a while?” she spoke grinning at you, unlike you she didn’t like Peter, said his voice made her want to sleep.

“What, how come? I didn’t hear anything” you replied completely confused.

“Yep, No one knows for sure, but I think it's something about a family member getting married in Australia.”

“So, do we have Marcus today then?” Marcus was as you called him jr Peter, he was still in training and followed Peter around like a lost dog.

“Must do” She replied smiling, she never said it but you could tell she liked Marus a lot more, you took your seats, you sat on the second row back always. It was good for the winter because it was next to a heater, and good for the summer because it was near an openable window. You and Lena sat and talked about pointless things until everyone had sat down and the service started.

The priest walked up, but it wasn’t Marcus or anyone you had ever seen before. It was a very attractive man. He had messy hair, and very short beard on his pale skin. He was slightly chubby and wearing the usual priest get up, but for some reason seemed slightly us of place. Your eyes were drawn to him, it was like you couldn’t look away.

“Good Morning. I am Father Crowley, and I will be covering for Peter whilst he is away at his sister’s wedding.” he spoke confirming Lenas rumor.

He had a beautiful English accent and managed to get everyone's attention without raising his voice. The service went on as usual, although you payed more attention to the man in front of you instead of his teachings of God. Before long, it was over, and you all got up to give blessings and mingle a bit before you were to go. After a while Lena had left having to go run an errand, and you were talking to an old woman you did the occasional job for who lived about 5 minutes away. Just as you finished your conversation and the women went out, your phone buzzed, and you pulled it out of your pocket. 10.45 am, and two new messages.

One from Sam “Morning (Y/N), Happy Birthday, hope you have a good day, me and Dean will try to visit soon, I found a book in the bunker library you will like.”

Another from Dean “Happy Birthday (N/N) good luck training today, have a good one. Me and Sammy will swing round in a couple weeks to check in and make sure Bobby’s not driving you too crazy. Be safe xx”

You smiled as you slid your phone away deciding to reply later. You had been close to the Winchesters after the accident, both becoming brothers to you, Dean was however much more protective of you then Sam was. You looked around and noticed you were the last to leave, as you turned towards the doors you noticed Father Crowley still stood there looking at you.

“Did you enjoy the service?” he asked casually walking over to you.

You hesitated a moment before replying with a simple “Yes”. You don’t know why but he made you feel slightly nervous, not in a bad way, but you couldn’t describe it. You noticed up close his eyes were a sort of green colour.

“Good, I’m new to holding services to be honest with you…”

“(Y/N)” you filled in the blank.

“(Y/N) what a lovely name. Do you always come to church (Y/N)?” He asked lingering on your name.

“Yes, Father every week” you replied composing yourself a little. “It seemed like you had done a thousand services before, I don’t think anyone noticed”

“Thank you, and please just call me Crowley, I’m not a big fan of the whole Father thing” he said smiling. “What were your thoughts on the passage read today?”

“I’m not sure. I think in some ways it………...but it seems a bit………” You gave your opinion and Crowley responded with a grin.

“I agree completely. Well I assume you will be here next week?”

“Yes, I will be, and you?”

“Peter will still be away so it will be me again for at least another 2 weeks. Would you perhaps like to meet up after service for coffee and discus some more of your views?”

“Sure, I would love to” you replied trying to hide your smile, “I better get going though, goodbye Crowley.”

“Until next time” he nodded as you left to go back home.

Meeting up next week? For coffee? You thought as you walked along the path. Okay (Y/N) don’t think to much into it, he just wants to talk about the service. Oh, why did I agree, I don’t want to sit and talk to a priest about the bible, although I do want to talk to this specific priest more. Why am I even worrying about it it’s not like it’s a date, can priests even date? I wouldn’t even want it to be, he seems nice and he is attractive, but if he can date he's probably already married he did seem a bit older. It's probably a group thing and he just invited me along to go with them, of course that makes sense.

You finally arrived though the front door and are greeted with the sound of yelling coming from in the house.

“…no, you idjit, you’re supposed to give them the second number if you want the FBI………. Just don’t mess up again your lucky I have common sense.” He put the phone down just as you walked in the room.

“What was that?” You asked sitting on a chair.

“The wheelers, giving out the wrong numbers again. Your back later than usual service run over?” He asked looking at his watch.

“No just stayed to chat a bit after, it was a new priest.”

“Ahh I see, well do you want to watch a film seeing as its your birthday we could go get some snacks and rent a movie?”

“No way, you’re not getting out of this one, you said we would train at noon, its 11:30. We can watch a film after.” You looked up at him and he frowned.

“I don’t know kid, maybe we should wait another year.”

“Nope no chance, I’m going to get changed and then we can start.” Bobby looked unimpressed so you added on a “Please.” Giving him puppy dog eyes.

“Fine all right, alright go change we can start today”

“Yay thank you” You yelled heading up the stairs to get changed.

 A/N I don’t really know what a service looks like because i haven't been to one for ages, so apologise about that. Sorry if your names Lena as well don't worry show wont be mentioned much. Thank you for reading hope you enjoyed it. :D

[someone-give-me-a-hug]

I never believed in karma

This is a little story based mostly on a story of when I was younger and a prompt I found somewhere that said right a story about why you believe in karma. I was bored and so we have this. also this isn't proofread so :) there are a few mentions of abusive behavior.

I never believed in much as a kid. I knew from the age of 4 that the Tooth Fairy wasn’t real. That Santa was nothing but a myth. Not even being read stories of miracles and magic, giants and dragons could sway the little pessimist in my head who would constantly nag that the world was cruel and the universe could never give back. My parents hated it, in fact, it became a running joke that they found it so hard to convince me to believe that they would drop me off at the police station one day and see if I would believe in the miracle of them coming back. It was never that funny but everyone else would laugh. When I was about 8 my parents were divorced, it was like the only world I had known had been split down the middle like a dry log and placed on the fire that fueled my spitful ways. I was angry, at myself, at the world, at the same stupid universe who tried to trick kids into thinking the chocolate eggs in their garden came from a rabbit who had now torn my life into 2 separate factions; one filled with the rage of a drinker who screamed at the little things but wore the sweetest smile and held me tight as though I might be the next to leave and another filled with false promise and manipulation. Neither was ideal and so I taught myself how to grow up and focused on becoming better than my parents. The years went by in an endless cycle of the seasons. Spring spent watching the cherry blossom tree in my fathers' fancy new house bud and grow whilst wishing to be anywhere but there, Summers spent in isolation, left alone and separated from my friends, Autumn spent in public libraries to get away from home for a few hours and Winter spent praying for the isolation of summer or really anything to get out of Christmas dinner and having to face everyone. Father time treated me as well as he could, the image of a wise old man, gray beard littered with the stories of my life, and eyes that looked straight through you as if you were a ghost. No matter how much time passed I still didn’t believe in anything of great significance and I certainly didn’t believe in Karma. That was until I turned 11. It had been a couple days after my birthday, I had gotten a few bits and bobs that would find their way into the draw of rubbish that was religiously searched by my dad but most importantly I had gotten a phone as a way of contacting either parent when I was staying at the other's house. To me this was a dream come true! I could finally text the people that mattered and blend in with other kids my age who for the last 2 years had been trying to act 5 years older on the internet. I wasn't allowed it at night (which was understandable as I would spend all night trying to contact and interact with people all within the four walls of my room and huddled in between the 2 plush white pillows I had on my bed). Little did I know, my dad would search through the messages sent to my mum or grandma about how unhappy I was up at his with his girlfriend who treated me like I was a problem, and where I went below the dog in the pecking order. Now in these messages, I had referred to my dad's girlfriend as a “Step-witch” and when he found this out he wasn’t happy at all, I was locked in the lounge and shouted at for more time than I would like to admit. Now one thing I will say is when I get scared or too emotional I can’t talk, the words escape my throat and the oxygen can never find its way in. I begged and pleaded fresh tears gliding down the salty remains of the old ones to be able to write as a way of speaking and saying sorry. “No!” they insisted “we won’t tolerate this disrespect and you aren’t a toddler you can speak like a normal person!”. After that, I wasn’t allowed to use my phone at all and all the messages I sent had to be run through them before my finger could hit the send button. A few weeks later when it was time once again to make my Monday trip to Dad's after school I was shocked to receive a message from my father telling me my mum would be dropping me up as they couldn’t manage it. It wasn’t until mum left me on their

meticulously de-weeded and bleak front door and had to let myself in with the spare key that I realized what had happened. The house had been swept through by the flu, everyone was sick! Not wanting to give up the ongoing battle of where I should live with my mum, my dad had said he was busy and asked her to drop me up when in fact he was bedridden by the vicious illness. They were all coughing, sniffling, sneezing into a tissue, and then throwing it onto a growing pile the size of Mount Everest herself. The only one who seemed to be unaffected was my Oldest step-brother, let’s call him Dan. Dan never treated me like some old gum he had stepped in that just wouldn’t get off his shoe like the others, he never said anything bad to me or about me (at least to my face) and he was the only person in the house who treated me as if I was human. So as my Dad and Sammy (let’s just call her that for now) were holed up in their room Dan took it upon himself to take care of me for the 3 days of my stay. You see Dad and Sammy had lost their voice and resorted to writing on paper to communicate to us what they needed (or they used their phones but they were charged on the other side of the room to the bed and they could hardly muster up the strength to walk all those 10 steps to get them). However, there was 1 problem with this: all the led in the pencils were always broken and could never sharpen right, all the pens never wrote and we could never make out the frantic hand signals they would make. Now I’m not saying they deserved it for everything they did nor am I saying that it was karma who ripped their voices from their throats just as they had ripped my only means of communication to the outside world and to plead my case that day. All I am saying is from that day forward the universe and all her wonderful ways stuck on that tiny list of things I believed in. And who knows maybe next year I might catch a glimpse of a fat, red and white man and his big clumpy boots climb back up the chimney, leaving presents and mince pie crumbs in his wake.

[wonderlandleighleigh]

3 am, 2nd Avenue

Dean Winchester has never seen New York CIty at 3 am, but he’s always wanted to. A part of him wishes it hadn’t taken him so long to do it. He’s older now - just about fifty-five years old - but he figures that maybe if he were younger, he wouldn’t be able to savor this in the same way that he’s doing right now.

After all, he’s just seen his son’s rock band play at a club. He can still feel the thrum of the music in whole body, and he’s not sure if he’s just that elated, or if he’s just old. 

He figures if it was his age catching up with him, he’d be tired, and he’s definitely not. 

After the band packs up their gear, Jamie and his bandmate Joey talk to the club manager about getting paid. 

Dean hangs back, taking in the waning crowd, nursing the rest of his third beer. It had been a packed house, jumping and dancing and shouting for the band.

Dean Winchester’s son’s band. 

Damn is he proud. 

Jamie wanders back over, shoving some money into the pocket of his slightly-tighter-than-Dean-thinks-they-should-be-jeans and then pushing his blond hair away from his Winchester-green eyes. “Ready to get outta here?” 

“What about your gear?” 

“Joe’s got it,” Jamie grins. “Perks of living with one of your bandmates. C’mon, I’m starving.” 

“It’s three in the morning,” Dean reminds him. “Everything’s gonna be closing up.” 

Jamie beams and wraps an arm around his father’s shoulders. “We’re a long way from Lebanon, Dad.” 

And Dean guesses that’s true. 

It’s just starting to get the tiniest bit cold, and as they head down the street from the club, Dean shoves his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “So? Where are we headed?” 

Jamie looks around and then smiles at him. “Veselka. We’re close.” 

Dean narrows his eyes. “What kinda food is that.” 

“Don’t worry about it, you’ll love it,” Jamie beams. “C’mon!” 

And he follows. Dean’s been doing this Jamie’s whole life. The kid’s always had an excitement for life that’s kept Dean’s on his toes, and he has to admit, he was worried when the kid decided to go to school in New York City, but he wonders if he just worried that Jamie would love it too much, and never come home.

He should have known better. Jamie’s a great kid. As much as he loves this place, he’s never once missed a holiday. He calls for every birthday, too. 

Dean helped raise a really good kid, and he’s glad he drove all the way here to see him play at a big New York rock club; to see him winded and happy-looking and sweaty and tired but hungry for more. 

More time. More food. More music. 

More, more, more, but in the best, happiest way. 

They step into a moderately busy diner, and grab a table. Jamie lifts two menus and hands Dean one. 

He snatches it and looks it over, grinning a little. “Pierogis, huh?” 

“And potato pancakes and goulash the best beet salad ever.” 

Dean huffs and shakes his head with a grin. “You weren’t kidding about being a long way from Lebanon.” 

“Try everything, you’ll love it,” Jamie tells him.

“Okay, we’ll try everything,” Dean shrugs indulgently. “Why the hell not, right? I haven’t been here since I was a kid, so..” 

“Wait, when were you here?” Jamie asks, looking at him quizzically. ‘You always said Grampa John stuck to the midwest.” 

“Well, mostly, but not always,” Dean tells him, grinning fondly. “He hated it here. So much. But me and your uncle, we badgered him into taking us here. And we did all the touristy crap you do.” 

Jamie watches him, lifting an eyebrow. “And?” 

“And...after he and Sammy fell asleep...I slipped out and snuck into CBGB.” 

Jamie slumps back in his chair, clearly blown away, arms flinging into the air. “No shit?!” 

Dean chuckles. “Yeah, yeah I did.” 

“Was it amazing? Who was playing? What year was it?” Jamie grills him, leaning forward, eyes wide and excited. 

“It was nuts,” Dean admits with a chuckle. “I have no idea who was playin, he was a giant man screaming into the mic, and it was...god, I don’t know. Mid to late nineties, I guess? Who can remember.” 

Jamie laughs softly and nods. “Dean friggin Winchester,” he jokes. 

It’s an old running gag, used whenever a new bit of information comes to light, making Dean seem more bad-ass than he already is. 

“Hey, I got nothin’ on you,” Dean tells him. “C’mon. You just played the Bitter End. The Bitter End! That’s crazy, Jamie. That place is legendary. And you sang and played guitar there!” 

Jamie smiles happily. “Definitely something to scratch off the bucket list.” 

“Hell yeah it is.” 

A waiter steps over and takes their order. They don’t order everything, but a good variety of food: Borscht and pierogi and combo plates and blintzes. Hot coffee to drink. 

“Hey, Dad?” 

Dean looks over at him after he thanks their waiter for their coffees. “Yeah, Dude?” 

“What was Grampa John like?”  

A short silence falls over the table as Dean tries to decide on how to answer that question. 

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Jamie amends quickly. “I know it’s a weird-” 

“He was a sonofabitch, your grandfather,” Dean cuts him off. “But he did what he could. When he could.” 

Jamie nods, watching him carefully. “Do you miss him?” 

“Some,” Dean admits. “Sometimes. But I gotta be honest, Jamie...John Winchester’s life ended the night his wife died. The leftovers of that man were checked out in most ways. But he tried. He did.” 

“Do you forgive him?” Jamie asks softly. 

Dean grins and sips his coffee. “Sometimes. Some days. But y’know, there was uh...a part of me that let a lot of that go when you were born. Learned to look at his actions in kind of a...I don’t know. A clinical way I guess.” 

Jamie frowns. “What do you mean?” 

“Well, having kids, and having a son of my own...it was easier to step back and think to myself...what are all the crap things that I never want my kid to go through? What are the things I wish he’d done? What were the things I probably shouldn’t have been doing as a kid?” 

Food appears then, over their silence, and they both dig in. Jamie dives into the borscht as Dean goes straight for the pierogis. 

“Thanks for coming, Dad,” Jamie says. “I love you.” 

Dean watches him for a long, quiet moment. “Y’know, I remember the first time you said that to me. You were...I don’t know. You were really little, I guess, and you had a fever...we were sitting on the couch, waiting for the tylenol to kick in, watchin’ Sesame Street. You were half asleep. And every time you said it since, I feel the same way,” 

Jamie grins a little. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Dean nods. “Like a dumb, lucky bastard.” He reaches out and grips his son’s shoulder affectionately. “Eat your food.”

[simmonsofshield]

Broken, Mended

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader, Sam Wilson x Reader (platonic)

Summary: After breaking off an engagement, Y/N may have possibly hit rock bottom. But she doesn’t have time to think about it because she gets deployed to Iraq. Leaving their daughter with her friend, Sam Wilson, she’s gone for a year. She doesn’t like talking about her ex-fiance and is unsure if she’ll ever be able to love again. What happens a certain Captain is his literal doppleganger?

Words: 1700+

Warnings: mentions of murder? it’s knives out, yall.

A/N:  Y/N was engaged to Ransom. Spoilers for Knives Out in this first part. This is for @ussgallifreyfics​ 550 follower writing challenge! Congrats! And you’re already over 700? Way to go!! I chose the prompts home and roses. Takes place during Civil War.

tag list is open

Flashback Y/N sits in one of the many ornate chairs in the livingroom, tears streaming down her face. Joni tries to comfort her while Linda holds her now 3 year old, Rosemary. Ransom runs after her trying to stutter out an excuse, not that he could. Detective Benoit Blanc and Marta both figured out it was him who killed Harlan, there was nothing that he could do that would get her to forgive him.

“Y/N, baby, please just listen to me.”

“No, Hugh. This-This is-ugh! How could you do something like this when we have a child? Linda, would you-” Linda nods and walks out of the room with Rosemary still in her arms. Y/N continues, “How am I supposed to explain to her that Daddy’s in jail and never going to see him again?”

He gives her an exasperated look that said ‘you’re ridiculous,’ “Never? Babe, come on. I’m going to get the best lawyers on my case and I’ll probably get no jail time. I’ll be in and out of court in a matter of days.”

“You literally killed your grandfather, Hugh.”

“Don’t call me Hugh. Only the help calls me that.”

“The help? Are you serious? God, were you always this insufferable and I just didn’t see it? After all this you don’t deserve to be called Ransom. And you know, I love your whole family. They’ve been great helping you with Rosemary while I’ve been gone. Your mother I can clearly tell has enjoyed all the grandma time...”

He speaks through clenched teeth, “What are you saying?”

Y/N begins to take the beautiful ring that has been on her finger or around her neck for the last three years. “I’m saying that it’s over, Hugh.” 

She takes it fully off and walks over to him, setting it on the entryway table beside him. Now in cuffs, he just stares at it and back at her. She can tell he’s upset, maybe a little heartbroken, but not a single tear falls from his face. Noticing this just breaks her more. She backs away as tears begin welling up in her eyes.

“I really did love you.”

And with that the cops take him out and put him in the back of their car. 

The family has their own drama now having to deal with Harlan giving literally everything to Marta and nothing to them. In that sense, Y/N is relieved to not be tied to them anymore. Though she is still going to miss them.

She picks up her phone and calls one of the only people she would at a time like this. “Hello?” “Sergeant. How are you on this fine day?” “Better now that I’m talking to one of my favorite people.” She can hear the smile on his face. “How are you, Y/N?” “Fine, Sammy.” He knows what she really means when the nickname is used. “Y/N, what happened? Do you need me to pick you up?” “No. It’s okay, I have a car. Is that spare room still open though?” “Always for you.” A sad smile appears on her face. “Rosemary and I may need it for a few days.” “When will you be here?” “Later tonight. I’ll text when I’m close.” “Okay, see you then.” “Bye, Sammy. Thanks.” And with that she hangs up.

“Mama?” 

She wipes away any remaining tears and turns with the best smile she can muster, looking down at the light of her life. “Yes, flower?”

“Who were you talking to?”

“An old army buddy. Do you remember Sam? You met him about a year and a half ago.”

“Mm-mm.” she shakes her little head.

“That’s okay. Would you like to meet him again?”

“Is he in Afstan?”

“Afghanistan?” Y/N chuckles, “No, he’s in DC. Just a car ride away.”

“Then yes! I want to remember him.”

“Okay! Well, there’s no time like the present, so why don’t we pack up our things and put them in the car?”

“What about Gramma, and daddy, and Marta, and Megan, and-”

She cuts off her daughter, “Whoa there. There’s a lot going on right now after Paba went to heaven. They have a lot to work out. We can help them by going on vacation to see Sam.”

That seems to satisfy the 3 year old. She runs up the stairs to her room to begin packing, “Okay! Let’s go then!”

Present day Three. That’s how many tours Y/N has been on now. Not that she doesn’t like it. She loves serving her country. But, it’s just too much time away from her daughter. Years she’s missed out on her daughter growing up. She explains as good as she can and hopes that her daughter understands. Mommy leaving a year at a time and having to stay with Uncle Sam is a lot for a toddler’s mind to take in, however. 

Slowly opening her eyes, Y/N stretches as good as she can in the cramped plane seating. She opens the small shade and looks out the plane window. Water, but she has a feeling they’re close. She slept for a while. Not a moment later, the flight attendant’s voice comes over the intercom. “Ladies and gentlemen, we are beginning our descent into Virginia, Washington Dulles International Airport. We should land at approximately 5:50pm, which is just under an hour from now. Please turn off any electronics and stay seated and buckled up until we land and the seatbelt sign is turned off. Thank you for flying United and we welcome you to America and our Nation’s capital.”

The next hour is filled with nervous excitement as Y/N thinks about finally being home and seeing her Rosemary again. It had been a long, hard year in Iraq and she was ready to relax and have a fun summer with her and Sam.

They land and everyone files off the plane. As she walks through the airport, she gets a few salutes and ‘thanks for your service.’ She just smiles back as she looks for something to eat. After doing so, she beelines for baggage claim. Coming down the escalator, she sees many posters welcoming family members and other soldiers home. It doesn’t take long for her to find the one made for her. Bright blonde curls are holding it as best she can above her head and it makes Y/N laugh. It says Welcome Home Mommy! in gold glitter on bright pink paper. Not hard to miss. Little arms quickly bring it down as she trades the poster for what Sam was holding before running over to her.

Y/N crouches down, arms out as her little one barrels into her. Happy tears run down both their faces. 

“Mommy, mommy, look!” she hands the flowers over so she can wipe her face. “They’re called roses. Aren’t they pretty?”

“They're beautiful, baby.”

“They have my name in it!”

She laughs, “They sure do.” 

She stands up, carrying the bouquet in one hand, holding her daughter’s hand with the other as they walk to Sam. “Got anything for me?”

“Uh, no.”

She takes a sharp inhale, “Gotta step up your game, Wilson. You’re getting beat out by a four year old.”

He hangs his head in mock defeat but quickly brings it back up with his signature gap-toothed grin. She knocks shoulders with him as they continue their walk to baggage claim.

“So how has this year been with Sam, little one?” Y/N asks as they drive back to his place. “Was it so much fun?”

“Yeah! Did you know I turned four while you were gone?”

Y/N gasped, “No! I thought you looked taller.”

“Yeah! And on my birthday, Uncle Sam let my bestest best friends come to his house.”

“Ooh, I bet that was fun.” She side-eyes Sam who is smiling but shaking his head. She assumes having a bunch of kindergarteners is his house was not something he expected to ever happen.

“It was amazing!”

“How’s kindergarten going?”

“Good.” she answers with a shrug, “we’re learning letters and colors and shapes and how to count to a hundred.”

“Wow. You’re going to be smarter than me someday.”

She looks at her daughter in the rearview mirror who is just smiling. Only a few minutes pass before she’s out in her carseat. As if he was waiting for this moment, Sam speaks, “So, how was it?”

Y/N shrugs, “The usual, I guess. Nothing to report.”

“Okay.” he nods slightly “Can we talk about the other thing then?”

Y/N sighs, “Now?” she asks, trying to avoid the upcoming conversation.

“When else, Y/N? You avoid it by spending most of your time with Ro, and at night you don’t want to because you’re ‘too tired.’”

“I was just on a really long flight, Sam-”

“No. I don’t want to demand it out of you but don’t you think you owe me an explanation? I opened my house to you for five months, then I had to spend a year with your daughter and everyone thinking she’s mine, and having to explain that ‘no, mom’s in the army and i’m just looking after her.’”

“And you think that me telling you what happened in Boston is going to make your life easier? Sorry to be such an inconvenience.” Y/N asks, defensively.

He takes a deep breath, “You’re not. I’m sorry. It’s just, I let it go when you showed up because whatever happened was fresh. But then time kept going by and I thought you would bring it up on your own and you never did.”

She lets out the breath she’d been holding and nods slowly, “Yeah, well it was a lot to process. I’m going to give you the short version because that’s all I have the energy for right now.”

“I’ll take whatever you give me.”

She closes her eyes and takes another breath, “I’m sure you figured it out but I broke off the engagement with Ransom.”

“I did notice a lack of a ring when you first came. It must’ve been bad huh? You did love the guy.”

“Really bad.”

And he accepts that for now.

[xxunicorncaitxx]

Chapter one- Childhood memories

This is going to be a fanfiction with many warnings which I will add at the beginning of each chapter. This will also be posted on my wattpad account!!

All the credits go to @sammie-cant-write

Ialsogottheirpermissionsoyoudonthavetoworryaboutthat-

—

Warnings: Abuse and Language

—

Race's pov-

Nov. 1, 1993-

My life all started on the first of November, the year of 1993. Everything seemed perfect and happy. I was a healthy kid, which was a good thing, of course, but that didn't seem to last long.

"Anthony"

My mother said, smiling down at her one and only child in her arms. She was so happy, but my father on the other hand? He wasn't happy at all.

Nov. 10, 1993-

My parents have been fighting for 8 days now. It somehow turned into a physical argument.. every... single.. time.

"That worthless piece of shit!"

"Useless!"

"Just as ugly as you are!"

"He'll do this world no good"

"He'll grow to be a useless nobody.."

And I guess he was right. Maybe I am a worthless and ugly nobody. Maybe I didn't do this world any good.

It wasn't too long after one of the worst fights where he decided to leave. And for good.

Dec. 24, 1996-

"Ma?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Is Pop coming home for Christmas dis year?"

Those words brought a strange look onto my mother's face. I was confused as to why she looked so upset. Did I do something wrong? All I wanted was answers.

"No, he's not.. maybe next year."

"But Ma-"

"Anthony, I don't want to talk about it. Go to bed."

I did what I was told. Laying down in bed, I covered myself with the blanket and just cried until I was finally able to fall asleep.

April 16, 1997-

My mother's wedding to my step-father. To this day, I still don't know where they met or why she chose him as a husband.

I stood there and watched them get married, smiling, thinking that everything was going to be fine after that. Of course, I was wrong. Wasn't I always wrong? 

Bruised and beaten and tired. Was it ever going to end? 

Every day was a fresh start of being tormented. New bruises and cuts all over my body. Guilt and regret filled me as I already wanted to end my suffering. I was only so young and I didn't know what I did to deserve this. 

Soon I start school. Great right? I will have to go in on my first day looking like a complete mess. That smile will always be fake no matter what, and I will feel so bad for those who are my friends.. if  I even make any that is. They'll have to put up with a friend who is fake and nobody likes fake people. That's what I was told anyway.

Jan. 3, 2000- 

I felt completely numb. Doctors and nurses rushed in and out of the room. They did everything they could to save her. No matter what they tried or how many times they did, nothing worked. Hours upon hours of sitting there with a blank expression on my face, a doctor said "I'm sorry" as they proceeded to take off their gloves. I stared at them for the longest time, not knowing what to say. Angry and upset, I ran home, tears streaming down my face. 

Dinner was different without Ma. It was complete silence half the time. I didn't want to eat but I did anyway so I didn't make my step-father upset.

"How was your mother?"  He asked, putting some of the food in his mouth

"Fine, I guess..."

"You lyin'?"

I set the fork down slowly and stared right into his dark brown eyes. That was a way of saying 'yes'

"Are you serious?  I thought I told you not to lie"

"Y-You did, sir..." (I called him 'sir' because why the fuck would I call him dad?)

"Then why are you?"

"I-I don't know.," I muttered.

"Tell me the truth boy. Go on"

"She... She's gone.."

"What do you mean by ‘She's gone’?!”

"SHE'S DEAD!" I raised my voice out of nowhere. Getting up, I try to walk away but I didn't get too far. He grabbed the back of my shirt and beat the shit outta me. As he did, the tears escaped from my eyes but I stayed silent, scared, and hopeless. 

Jan. 4, 2000-

After yesterday, I finally got the chance to call for help. I was done being hurt by this man both physically and mentally. Soon, I'll feel safe and will be taken to a better place.

Jan. 15, 2000-

Brooklyn, New York. That's where I ended up. I moved schools and I got to say... I love it here! I made a friend by the name of Spot Conlon. He was pretty chill and had such a good reputation, which I admired so much. Every day, we'd go out and get some ice cream, feed the ducks, sit at the docks, swim; and for once in my life, I felt happy.

Jan. 18, 2000-

Today was the day of my mother's funeral. I put on nice clothes and went back to Manhattan with some older kid. No idea who he was but he was pretty friendly.

Standing there listening to what everyone had to say struck me. She didn't deserve the pain and all I could think of was that it was my fault. Maybe if I were a better son, she would still be here. This was going to be the last time I was going to see her so I said goodbye and apologized before heading back across the bridge to Brooklyn.

They wouldn't let me see her get buried. However, they gave me the location of the burial site.

May 29, 2001-

It's been a year since my mother has passed and a few weeks since my step-father's death as well. My biological father was long gone so they just considered me as an orphan. Packing up my things, Spot stood at the doorway with a small smirk on his face.

"You sure you want to go back to 'hattan?”

"Of course.."

"Well, where are you going to go? You got nobody"

"I'll find a place to stay. I'll get myself a job and I'll be fine"

"Anthony, you make it sound so simple when really, it's not. You can't just go back, ask someone for a job, and expect yourself to get accepted right on the spot. It'll take some time-"

"Just stop.. Please..."

"I'm just saying. You can't just-"

"I SAID STOP! Just leave me alone, OKAY?"

Rage filled my body as Spot went silent. He glared then walked off. There was no way he'd be my friend now!

I grabbed my belongings and left that evening without saying goodbye to anyone. Not even Spot.

June 5, 2001-

I got a job and met the love of my life: Albert DaSilva. He was perfect! I know I was still pretty young to get these feelings but... I couldn't help but love him.

March 31, 2006-

I got a hold of cigars and started gambling. Probably another good choice I've made. The cigars calmed me down, and ever since I got one, I haven't snapped at anyone or got so anxious. I earned some cash while gambling too which was amazing.

 November 1, 2007-

After a few years of talking, Albert asked me to be his boyfriend; and on my birthday!! I accepted, of course, and realized that he was the only one who actually cared about me! Hopefully, it lasts.

The racetracks closed for the winter and I was quite bummed out, although I'll definitely go next year! 

November 8, 2007- 

I received the nickname "Racetrack" from the other boys who work with me. They said they'll call me "Race" instead because I loved watching the horse races. Ever since the track closed for the rest of the year, I wouldn't stop bothering them about it so here I am with "Racetrack" as a nickname

December 25th, 2007-

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

There was music, drinks, food, and presents everywhere. Us orphans stayed at a home in Manhattan and there weren't many of us so it was easier to get things done (if that makes sense.)

Albert got me a present that even I can't afford. A promise ring? I looked at him, letting a small smile take over. Not knowing what to say, I put it on and held his hand. This was one of the best days of my life! I couldn't be more grateful than this...

So I stared into his eyes and finally said

“I love you”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #320

we on a spree today!

Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy? Give me the happiness, please. What happened the last time you cried? I was having a PTSD episode. What happened the time in your life when you were the most nervous to do something? I think the most nervous I've ever been was in elementary school when I won the D.A.R.E. essay contest and had to read my paper in front of the whole 4th and 5th grade in the gym. There may be something else, though, there's just a LOT of instances where I've been an anxious mess. What was the greatest television show of all time? Meerkat Manor, man. I canNOT wait for it to resume, I believe this summer. What one thing would you be most disappointed if you never got to experience it? Maybe petting a meerkat, particularly a descendant of a Meerkat Manor character, Flower Whiskers in specific. I would cry, and that is a promise. I am just... so thankful for those little creatures. Because of them, I've met so many irreplacable friends and developed a hobby that was a way to dump my creativity into since I was what, 10 years old? What celebrity would you trade lives with? BITCH let me be Amy Nelson (Mark's gf) for OBVIOUS REASONS. Haha on a serious note though she is an INCREDIBLE person that I'm so glad Mark found. :'''') What story do your friends still give you crap about? Nothing, really. What is your weirdest dealbreaker? I'unno... define a "weird" dealbreaker. I find mine to be pretty reasonable. What’s the first thing you’d do if you were the opposite sex for one day? Well, look at myself in a mirror? See how I look. What is the weirdest quirk your family has? We have this thing where we say "I love you mostest period" at random to imply we love the other person more than they could love us, indisputably. How old is the last person you kissed on the cheek or lips? On the cheek, it was either my niece or nephew, who are 4 and 6. The person I last kissed on the lips is 22. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Not anymore, no. I don't wear jeans. Do you think you could live with your best friend? I would fuckin LOVE to. Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around? I'm most comfortable with myself around Sara. What were you doing when you found out Michael Jackson was dead? I was swimming in the pool while Dad was grilling lunch. The last person you kissed, was it a drunken or sober? Sober. Have you ever introduced yourself with a name other than your own? Online, I've introduced myself with my account name, but generally, I say I'm Brittany. Are any of your siblings married? I don't know about the half-sister I don't know, but two are married, and one is engaged. Do you use an umbrella when it rains? Not usually, no. When was the last time you had a lot of fun? A lot of fun? That's one damn good question. Probably not since I last hung out with Sara. The last time you cried, who was there to comfort you? I was alone. What was your most recent reason for smiling / laughing? I chuckled at something in a John Wolfe video. Are you attracted to the last person you talked to? Um, that would be my mother. So no. Do you like your middle name, or does it embarrass you? It's pretty, but I hate having it. It's one of the most common white chick middle names ever. Are your toenails painted? No; I don't paint my nails. When was the last time you couldn't stop laughing? Why? Probably a funny YT video, I dunno. Any ways in which you're very different from the person you love/like? We have some differing political views. Why did you first kiss the last person you kissed? The timing felt right and I love(d) her. Has anyone seen you kiss the last person you kissed? Yeah. Who was the last person’s voice you heard? Besides via YouTube, my mom's. Who do you get along with best in your family? Mom. Have you ever been kissed in a car? Yeah. Is there anyone in your life that knows right away something’s wrong with you? Oh, absolutely my mother. Has your phone ever gone off in the middle of a class at school? Oh god no, I'd die. The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I never do. It adds oil to your hair, and mine is naturally oily enough. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? DARK. Do you have an item of clothing that reminds you of someone? Tell me about it, and the person it reminds you of. I have a good handful of those. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I just listen, usually. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah. Does more than one person like you? *shrug* You log into Facebook and see the red ‘1’ notification next to the message icon. Who do you want it to be? I fucking hate that my answer is "Jason." If your hair is long, would you ever think about having it cut short? Or, if it’s short, would you like to grow it long? As far as I'm concerned, my hair will never be long again. I love it so much more short. What if you were told that your life has to stay exactly as it is right now, and nothing will ever change? How would you feel about that? I'd... honestly probably kill myself. I don't know that with certainty, but yeah. I'd be pretty damn devastated. What’s the most expensive thing you own? Probably my snake. Name something you really can’t wait for? MAY!!!!!!! GIMME MY TATTOOOOOOOO!!!!! What do you want in your future? E.g marraige, kids… A great career, a healthy and permanent relationship, lots of pets, adventure, life satisfaction... Got any major celeb crushes? m a r k e d w a r d f i s c h b a c h Do you have any glow-in-the-dark items in your room? If so what? No. Have you ever stalked anybody? Yeesh, no. If you could be on any TV show, which would it be and why? I'll just hypothetically say I WANTED to be on television for this, because irl, I don't. Ummm. I guess That '70s Show, because I love the '70s, and it'd be so cool to have a big group of friends like that. What is your favorite brand of hairspray? I don't use hairspray. What is the last thing you tripped over? Our doorstep, lmao. Do you were glasses or contacts? If so what color are your frames/contacts? I wear black-rimmed glasses. Do you like stickers? If so what kinds do you like? Yeah. I used to collect them as a kid and put them all over my dresser. Do you like coloring? Yes. What is in your backyard? Some bushes and a shed. Maybe a tree. I've been out there like, once. Do you own a globe? No. What is your favorite wild cat? Snow leopards are the prettiest, imo. As animals in general, I find lions the most interesting. How many continents have you been to, and which ones? I've never left North America. How many continents has your best friend been to, and which ones? She hasn't, either. How many continents has your dad been to, and which ones? Same as above. Have you ever been so terrified that you felt paralyzed? Yep. What’s a place you have a strong emotional connection to? The community college I first went to. Particularly where Jason and I took his senior prom pictures. Who was the last relative you visited? Grammy, before she passed away. My uncle was with her, too. Do you ever wonder what kind of person you’d have turned out to be if a certain event never happened to you? Oh, certainly. I wonder all the time what would have happened if Jason didn't leave. I could still be horribly depressed, or dead, considering ultimately, the event led to me finding the help I so desperately needed. Or maybe I'd be perfectly happy with kids and know how to be an actual adult. I was only a teenager, and yet with him, I never felt more mature and just... capable. When you’re home alone, do you still shower with the bathroom door closed? Yes. Have you ever bought something really expensive and ended up returning it? I don't believe so. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? Amy Lee is the brazenly obvious answer. What are your top 3 favorite genres of music? Metal, rock, indie. Same general category, I know, but it's almost all I listen to. Is there anything you’d like to say to your last ex? We're best friends, and I talk to her regularly, so I can tell her anything. Where did you buy your dishes from? No clue. We've had the same plates and bowls I think my entire life. Do you think Mars will be colonized in your lifetime? No. Have you ever been on a ship? Boats, yeah. I think ships are just the really big ones, right? Sails and all? Do you ever take intentional breaks from checking/posting on social media? No. Who was Van Halen’s better singer - David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar? David Lee Roth. He's an arrogant bastard, but boy can he sing. Which fictional character has the most memorable quotes? I don't know. Maybe the Joker. Do you watch The Office? Gossip Girl? Grey’s Anatomy? None of 'em. Name someone you know with a birthday in December: Sara! What color was the last vehicle you were in? White. What is your dad’s name? Kenneth, but he's just called "Ken." When was the last time you slept in a bed with someone else? Not since I last visited Sara. Do you have any indoor pets? Both my pets are indoors. How do you feel about teenagers claiming to be in love? It's entirely possible. I was; nobody could EVER convince me I wasn't. Are you dating anyone? If so, for how long? No. Do you know anyone with Down's Syndrome? I think so? What animal that is endangered is your favorite? Oh yikes, I don't know. I don't really know every endangered animal, y'know, and I love all animals SO much. Maybe elephants or tigers. How do you believe the Earth and life on it was created? I feel like there was SOME sort of ultimate intelligence that created the universe, but I don't know anything about it/him/her/whatever. Then I believe in evolution. Basically, some sort of conscious creation, and then let life do its thing. What’s your religion? I don't have one. You could say theism, but is that even a proper religion? Do you like your teeth? No. During my worst depression, I was very bad at taking care of them, and now they have a yellowish tint. Have you considered getting contacts that change your eyecolor? What color? Oh yes, I've wanted to have more sapphire blue eyes. Do you wish you lived somewhere else? Yes. Living in the suburbs just isn't my jam, but it works for right now. What’s the craziest color you’ve seen on a house? I think I've seen a pink house before? Don’t you hate the texture of lotion on your skin? Yes. What’s the prettiest cat you have seen? There's this brown British Longhair with beautiful green eyes that I adore on social media. Name's Smoothie. What is your favorite doughnut? Chocolate frosted or glazed. Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? No. What is your favorite party game? Man, I don't even know popular party games, haha. Do you or your parents rake your yard? Neither of us do. No matter where we've lived, ever since Dad left, no one rakes. Do you buy drugstore make-up or high-end make-up? We always buy drugstore makeup. What’s the last good love story you read? I don't think I've read a love story since The Notebook. Do you own a lava lamp or disco ball? No, but I wish I had a lava lamp. When was the last time you went to the roller rink? It's been many years. Do you own a kaleidoscope? No. I did as a kid, though. Have you ever made an inspiration board for your room? No, but I absolutely plan to once I get a big enough board to hang on the wall, and my "office" is cleaned out. I want that room to be full of motivation. Who is the best-looking male celebrity? Take a wild guess. Where would you like to travel to next? Yellowstone. I want to spread Teddy's ashes there in an area with wolves to rest in his roots. Less importantly, I want to take looooooaaaaaaaddddddsssss of photographs. Where are three places you go to relax? Just my room, really. If you became famous, would you change your name to something exotic? No. What color is your favorite pair of shorts? I don't wear shorts, ever. List five items on your current wardrobe wish list. I've wanted a black, studded leather jacket since I was in high school. I also really want big, spiked leather boots, too. Then there's tons of band tees I want. Who makes great song covers on YouTube? JONATHAN YOUNG!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!! LISTEN TO HIM!!!!!!!!!!! Who is one of the best songwriters? Otep Shamaya. Painting or drawing? I strongly prefer drawing. Painting that shows brushstrokes or painting that looks like a photograph? The latter. The former can be quite stylistic, though. First thing you wash in the shower? My hair, but if you mean my actual body, my chest. Brown or white egg? I don't even know the flavor difference. Favorite time of year? October-December. Do you own a gun? I legally can't due to a suicidal history. Have you ever been in a castle? Excluding the Disney World castle, no. Are you a clingy person when it comes to relationships? I honestly am. Have you ever been bitten so hard that there teeth marks were there after? I mean, I've had hickeys before. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) Yes. If you found a baby randomly by itself what would you do? Call the cops and stay with it until they arrived. What is the most personal question you have ever been asked? I'd rather not repeat it. When was the last time you wished time would move faster? Literally every waking moment of my life. It's so sad, thinking about it. I'm just rushing my life away. Are there any owls in your room (as decor, of course)? No. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. Do you enjoy hearing birds chirp? I do. Have you ever hiked a mountain? No. Where did you meet your first crush? School. Who is your favorite little girl? My sweetheart niece. What is your favorite song by the last band you listened to? Oh boy, don't make me pick. Does your best friend have kids? No; she doesn't want any, either. Where did you go the last time you drove for longer than an hour? The beach, I think. If you were pregnant, would you want a boy or a girl? Hypothetically, a girl. How often do you get fountain drinks from a gas station? Rarely, but every now and again. Who is your favorite character in your favorite movie? Mufasa. What junk food can you never pass up? Donuts came to mind first. But I think that's because I'm craving donuts, haha. Have you ever had a UTI? Yeah, multiple. I don't drink nearly enough water. I've had one so bad my kidneys hurt like a bitch. What's the last color you dyed your hair? Red.

[samanthaa-leanne]

*Whispers* Do them all! (If you're okay with it)

YES THANK YOU!!!!!

3 Fears: Spiders, snakes, and death.

3 things I love: Moon, pizza, animals.

2 turns on: Anime boys and more anime boys.

2 turns off: Non anime boys and uhh non anime boys.

My best friend: oof I have a lot. Theres my HS bff Krista, as well as @handsoffmyfriends @shinsou-lovin-hours-anon @yeet-these-hoez @taepoppin & @asadgwen

Sexual orientation: Bisexual.

How tall am I: 5′5 5′6 ish.

What do I miss right now: Getting 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Favourite color: Blue.

Do I have a crush: On about a million anime boys.

Favourite place: Beach.

What am I listening to right now: I’m watching Criminal Minds 

Shoe size: Don’t make fun of me but 10.5/11. I have big feet.

Eye color: Blue.

Hair color: Brown with blonde highlights.

Meaning behind my URL: It’s my first name with an additional A and my middle name

Favourite song: At the moment? Brand New Vision by Point North

Favourite band: Way too many to count. 

How I feel right now: Happy

Someone I love: All of you

My current relationship status: Married

My relationship with my parents: Ehh okay..

Favourite season: Summer/Fall

Tattoos and piercing i have: My ears used to be pierced and I have a matching tattoo with my dad

Tattoos and piercing i want: I have an anime sleeve planned, a moon phase tattoo, and a few song lyric tattoos. 

The reasons I joined Tumblr: I honestly don’t remember

Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: No :(

Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?: Yes.

How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: Like 20 minutes

Have you shaved your legs in the past three days?: Nope

Where am I right now?: My house

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?” The louder the better

Do I live with my Mom and Dad?: Nope. I own my own house

Am I excited for anything?: I have a trip to japan planned for October

Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?: My brother Alex is honestly one of the best people in my life.

How often do I wear a fake smile?: 8 hours a day M-F while I’m at work

If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: Tom Holland or Johnny Depp or Jim Carrey. Honestly so many people

What do I think about most?: Haikyuu and BNHA

Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: Behind

What was the last lie I told?: That I don’t smoke pot lol

Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: I prefer to text

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: Yes and yes

Do I believe in magic?: Yes

Do I believe in luck?: Yes

What’s the weather like right now?: Its 92 degrees rn

What was the last book I’ve read?: I’m re-reading the House of Night series by P.C and Kristin Cast

Do I have any nicknames?: A lot. Sam, Sami, Sam I Am, Sammy Sosa, Bubbles

Do I spend money or save it?:  A little of both

Can I touch my nose with a tounge?: No :(

Favourite animal?: Penguins and Flamingos

What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: Sleeping

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?: Falling Like The Stars by Cole Norton

What is my favorite word?: Any cuss word. Probably fuck 

My top 5 blogs on tumblr: @myherowritings @handsoffmyfriends @akaashichigo @burnedbyshoto @gallickingun and so many more

If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: What’s up bitches

Do I have any relatives in jail?: Nope

What is my current desktop picture?: My Karasuno babies

Had sex? Yes

Bought condoms? Yes

Gotten pregnant? Nope

Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Maybe? I don’t remember

Had job?: Yes

Smoked weed? Yes

Smoked cigarettes? No

Drank alcohol? Yes

Am I a vegetarian/vegan? No 

Been overweight? Yes

Been underweight? No 

Gotten my heart broken? Yes

Been to prom? No

Been in airplane? Yes

Learned another language? Kinda? I did 4 years of German in HS but I don’t remember most of it.

Wore make up? Yes

Dyed my hair? Yes

Had a surgery? Does oral surgery count? I had my  wisdom teeth taken out

Met someone famous? No

Stalked someone on a social network? Maybe...

Been fishing? Yes

Been rejected by a crush? Yes

What do I want for birthday? Anything anime related tbh or maybe another tattoo

Do I like my handwriting? Ew no

Where do I want to live when older? North Carolina or somewhere where there’s no snow

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? No

What I’m really bad at: Drawing

What my greatest achievments are: My SMAU’s

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: My dad called me a cunt one time 

What I’d do if I won in a lottery: Pay off my house and my car and buy my mom the house she deserves.

What do I like about myself: My eyes

My closest Tumblr friend: @handsoffmyfriends

Any question you’d like? I really like the swings

Are you outgoing or shy? A little bit of both

What kind of people are you attracted to? Anime boys

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?: Yes

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nope

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?: My brother

What does the most recent text that you sent say? lol ok

What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Me Against Myself by Wage War, Remembering Sunday by All Time Low, The Langdon House by Issues, Brand New Vision by Point North, Favorite Place by All Time Low.

Do you like it when people play with your hair?: AHHH YES

Do you think there is life on other planets?:  For sure

Do you like bubble baths? Yes

Do you like your neighbors? Yes

Where would you like to travel? Japan, Ireland, UK, Italy.

Favorite part of your daily routine? Leaving work lol

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My stomach

What do you do when you wake up? Go pee

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Nope

Do you ever want to get married? I’m already married

If your hair long enough for a pony tail? Sorta.

Would you rather live without TV or music? Neither

Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes

What are your favorite stores to shop in? Target

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Depending on what they do

Do you smile at strangers? Sometimes

Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?: Nope

Ever wished you were someone else?: Sometimes

Favourite makeup brand?: I don’t use makeup

Last thing you ate?: Pizza

Ever won a competition? For what? Nope

Ever been in love? Yes

Facebook or Twitter? Twitter

Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr

Are you watching tv right now? Yes, Criminal Minds

What colour are your towels? Multicolored

Favourite ice cream flavour? Cookie n Cream

First person you talked to today? My husband

Last person you talked to today? My husband

Name a person you hate? I don’t hate anybody

Name a person you love? Everyone of you

Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Probably lol

Do you tan a lot? Not anymore

Have any pets? 2 dogs and a kitty cat

Do you type fast? Yes

Do you regret anything from your past?: Ohh boy yes

Ever broken someone’s heart?: Probably @handsoffmyfriends with all my angst

Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?: Yes

Is cheating ever okay? No

Do you believe in true love? Yes

What your zodiac sign? Virgo

Do you believe in ghosts? Yes

Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? (via catscuddlingandyou) “Beautiufl, see the cloud, the cloud appear. Beautiful, see the rain,  the rain draw near.”

[lovingonrepeat]

Same anon from before— I’m glad my note made you feel a little better, I was trying really hard to convey that while the pain feels isolating, you absolutely are not alone in the feelings 💕💕💕

J.Seph’s enlistment is a great example of someone who maintains a social media presence and it feels like he hasn’t really gone anywhere, just, somewhere different! Members of The Rose have enlisted and they’re also still active on Instagram; same with Key from SHINee, boy was on Instagram practically every day after clocking out as a soldier 😭 my fellow Libra hoe I love him (I got into SHINee during his enlistment). (Side note, if you wanna know how bad I CRIED listening to ‘Hold On’ for the first time just before J.Seph’s enlistment, well, I was very embarrassed, Jiwoo probably would have laughed at me and I would have said thank you.)

As for why Sungjin is enlisting now despite being a 93 liner— the enlistment period is between 19 and 30 for Korean age, from what I understand. That’s why Suho, born in 91, had to enlist before his birthday in 2020, he would be turning 30 by Korean age standards. Most idols and other entertainment figures like actors will choose to postpone their military enlistment citing previous work engagements (comebacks, concert tours, etc) as their reason why; one of my coworkers is from Korea and he said it’s sort of like postponing jury duty in the United States if you’re summoned while at school out of state or something similar (apologies if that reference makes no sense, I’m American so just trying to use a point of reference I know).

So while most will seek to postpone theirs as much as possible, others will like to get it out of the way— like Kyungsoo/DO, for example, a 93 liner who enlisted in ‘19 and was just recently discharged. His enlistment made US Morning Talk Show News because it was such a shock to fans, since it came almost four years earlier than expected. And Jongdae/Chen is a 92 liner but he enlisted last fall (he also is married and has a baby girl at home so, we were expecting him to go as soon as his wife and baby were healthy enough).

That’s my outsider/foreigner understanding of the enlistment process, as taught to me by a coworker— realistically they can enlist whenever they choose to between those ages, it’s not something their company or contracts can stop them from doing, though for some it benefits them to work with the company for the best timing to do so (such as the SHINee hyungs, they all enlisted one after another in 2018 despite not all of them being at the max age for postponement, and all discharged over the last half of 2020, hence why they are able to make a comeback as a group before Taemin enlists some time in the next year, he’s also a 93).

I hope this helps!! I too am going to go listen to some Day6 on loop and cry on the inside 🥲🖤

ps I’m the same anon that requested Taeyong’s prompt for your kinktober project xoxo BYE

I’m so sorry it’s taken me forever to respond to this I’ve just been so freaking busy today! I really did appreciate your message, just as much as I appreciate you taking the time to write this one tooo. <3

J.Seph has been an interesting marker of my feelings tbh, cuz I don’t even really remember he’s gone until I see a pic of his and I’m like J.SEPH!!!!!!!!!!!!! But idk the Sungjin thing just hits different. I’m not totally sure why and I can’t completely place my finger on it tbh. I’ve been a casual SHINee fan, so I didn’t really see Key’s shenanagins, and I stan the Rose but only follow Sammy on socials, so I haven’t seen what’s been going on there either. (Which, I saw he’s in LA, not Korea???? It’s such a shame that they had all those label disputes cuz if it wasn’t for that he’d probably be doing lots and lots of solo stuff right now while they’re enlisting, but I’m happy he’s got Woolfy to keep him company)

I am American, so the jury duty postponement thing makes total sense to me. I’m just confused how ‘92 liners are still postponing it when Taemin is a ‘93 liner and is gonna have to enlist sometime this year. I thought you could only push it so far, but Jin, Baekhyun and Shownu don’t seem to be going in anytime soon (KNOCK ON WOOD PLEASE DON’T ENLIST BOYS) Since they can sorta go in whenever they want up until a certain point, I should probably just accept the fact that it’ll never be sure when someone’s gonna enlist and I’ve always just gotta brace for the worst. I’m just not good with surprises like that lol. 

Idk, today’s just not a good day tbh so maybe I’d deal with it better if I wasn’t pissed off lol. But yes, that does help thank you! And OMG I HOPE YOU LIKED THE TAEYONG FIC I HOPE I CAN WRITE MORE SOON!

[tibbinswrites]

Prompt #26

It’s my birthday!!!

So I got you all a present. That’s how birthdays work, right? I wrote you this fic. Prompt #26 on my list because guess how old I am?!

Fair warning: Major Character Death. I made myself cry.

I’ve now done prompts for: #1, #2, #4 and #16, #9, #10, #20, #26, #33, #77, #78, #170 (part 1), (part 2), (part 3), #327 and #502 and I’m not accepting any more prompts at this time.

Also, check out the destiel anthology I’m in. We’re 119% funded and saving for hardback so if you want one, get one!

Prompt #26. Afterlife

Getting old sucked. Ever since Dean had found his first grey hair and noticed that the wrinkles around Sam’s eyes weren’t going away when he stopped smiling, Dean had realised that he might actually get to experience old age. It was a thoughts that settled uncomfortable behind his sternum, though he knew it wasn’t exactly bad. They’d defeated Chuck, after all, and only a couple of years after that, Dean had called it quits and retired from hunting… mostly. He’d help out if there was a case in their neck of the woods, Sam always called him first so he could call dibs or pass as he pleased. At least he had, until Sam himself had retired with Eileen and they’d passed the reigns on to the younger generation.

That was just fine by Dean. Sam and Eileen now lived only a couple of blocks away, the bunker a place none of them had been to in years, though sometimes they got visits from the younger hunters, wanting to gawk or advice or to hear some of the Winchesters’ greatest hits, which Dean was always happy to oblige and he and Sam had a tally going of which one of the brothers they’d come to see (Sam was winning, but barely). He liked seeing the way their eyes bugged out when Cas brought out a plate of sandwiches and dropped a kiss to Dean’s hair before settling next to him on the couch, his hands taking Dean’s left in his own so he could fiddle with the ring he’d put there nearly thirty years before.

Now, Cas was the worse part of this getting old deal, because Cas wasn’t. Or… he was, his grace had been irreparably damaged over the years, but slowly. Cas still looked like he was only barely approaching fifty, while Dean had come to realise that he was a shrivelled-up eighty-eight-year-old.

Despite Cas’ assurances that it made no difference to him, that he was still older than Dean by millennia anyway, that his soul was still as beautiful as it had been, Dean still sometimes found himself staring into the mirror in dismay, then looking over at his still-gorgeous husband and feeling even worse. Especially when Dean had had to convince Cas to pretend that he was a carer out in public, or his son, or something that would make more sense than him, a raisin of a human, being married to an angel (formerly of the Lord, now of humanity) who just wasn’t ageing at the same rate and both of them being happier than either had dared imagine for themselves.

Dean watched Cas from his chair while he puttered around outside. Before they’d even finished unpacking their meagre belongings after moving in, Cas had started working on the garden. There was a small beehive at the very back, and lots of decorative birdbaths and birdfeeders they had been gifted with over the years and the plants themselves were an explosion of colour. Dean couldn’t really make it out there on his own anymore. There were a few stone steps to get down into it from the house that he struggled with now and thing was practically a jungle, with roots and uneven ground that was pretty perilous for a man of his age. There was no lawn to speak of, the grass was always too long and there were more trees and plants than open spaces. It was beautiful to look at though, and sometimes in the summer Cas would carry him out to the bench (that was nowhere near the beehive) and they would sit together and watch the birds and insects flutter by, and despite being surrounded by suburbia, they were perfectly alone, a place of calm, like the lake near the bunker they’d gone to years ago.

He got nostalgic a lot, and bitter with it sometimes. And though he didn’t regret the way his life had turned out, not at all, he missed feeling like he had something, anything, to give back to Cas in return for loving him. He couldn’t offer to help around the house anymore. He was confined to his chair most of the time. Cas carried him to bed and helped him hobble to the bathroom and cooked for him and put up with his crotchety-ness when his knees were bothering him. He made sure Dean took all his pills on time and read to him when his eyes wouldn’t focus properly and sign to him when his ears were fuzzy and drove him over to visit Sam and Eileen twice a week. And he still looked at Dean in a way that made his heart melt, like he was beautiful, and just as capable and strong as he’d been at thirty, and not the pile of brittle bones that he had become.

Cas saw him watching through the window and smiled, as though seeing Dean sat where Cas had gently placed him a few hours ago was the best surprise he could have hoped for. Dean shook his head and smiled back. Even after all these years Cas was still a giant romantic dork. It was good to see him smile. He’d been kind of mopey for the past week, though wouldn’t answer when Dean asked him what was wrong.

He came back in soon after that, though he’d only been out for around fifteen minutes. He brought Dean a bowl of soup for lunch and sat with him with his own bowl, telling him how the hive was doing and which flowers had just begun to bud. Dean listened to it all, just letting Cas’ voice brush through him, as soft as his grace.

“Claire called this morning.” Cas informed him. “She and Kaia are planning a trip to Athens next month for their anniversary.”

“Well it’s lucky for some,” Dean said with a smile. “I’ll bet Alex and Patience are jealous.”

“Livid,” Cas agreed. “Claire was very pleased. She’s hoping they might run into ‘something cool’.” Cas’ fingers quoted the last two words. “So I daresay they’ll spend a few days looking for a hunt.”

“And how’s Donna?”

“As well as can be expected. Alex is staying with her for a little while, you know.”

“Yeah.”

Cas had driven them to the funeral a few months back. Jody had died peacefully, surrounded by her wife and her girls, but it was still hard on all of them. Especially Donna and Claire. Jody had been kick-ass even as a pensioner, getting into trouble with the local law enforcement when she decided to voice her complaints about their ‘sloppy new police tactics’. Dean had been sad to say goodbye.

“I think you should call Sam.” Cas said once they were done eating, though Dean hadn’t even managed half of the soup; he missed the days he could devour seven grilled cheeses in quick succession.

One hand still holding Dean’s, the other playing through his wispy, white hair. At least he hadn’t gone bald like his grandfather, though Sam had followed in Samuel’s eggheaded footsteps, which was a fact that Dean never tired of teasing him about.

“Why? We were over there the other day.”

“I know, but… It’s nice to check in. I’ll get you the phone.”

Bewildered, Dean stared as Cas unstuck himself from his side and went to pick up the cordless phone. He dialled and held the phone to his ear, turning his back to Dean and talking quietly so he couldn’t hear or even attempt to lip read what was being said. That was weird.

“Here.” Cas said, a few minutes later, handing Dean the phone before kissing him on the cheek and gathering up the trays from lunch. “You talk to Sam and I’ll clean up.”

“You’re being weird.” Dean told him, but dutifully held the phone to his ear anyway. “Hey Sammy.”

“Hey Dean.” Sam’s voice cracked a little over the words. “How are you feeling?”

“Old,” Dean replied. You?”

“Four years younger.” Sam said, and Dean could hear the smartass grin through the phone.

“Hello, Dean,” came Eileen’s voice.

“No!” Dean said firmly. “I’m not falling for that again. Sam, tell Eileen I say hi and that she’s been pulling the same joke for the past forty years.”

“And you fell for it for the past thirty-nine of them.”

There was a pause, probably while Sam signed something to his wife because he heard her laugh.

“What did Cas wanna talk to you about anyway?” Dean asked. “And why doesn’t he know by now that he can just call you without pretending that I need to talk to you.”

“He’s just paying back the favour.” Sam said, a little too quickly. “It used to be that I was the one playing messenger between the two of you.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Why do I feel like you’re planning a surprise birthday party or something?”

“That’s exactly it. We forgot to do that in January. You know what my memory’s like now.”

“It’s from all those concussions you got.” Dean said, falling easily back into their old banter. Cas was right, talking with Sam was just what he needed. Sure, they still saw each other a lot, but over the phone he could almost kid himself that they weren’t as old as they looked, and even if they were… then it wasn’t that bad. Because he and Sam had made it through. Against all odds, through Hell and Heaven and Purgatory, they’d stared down monsters, ghosts, angels, demons and God and they’d beaten them all. They were the Winchesters and they’d survived.

Sure, this old age crap sucked, but every day he got to wake up next to the person he loved, knowing that his brother was doing the same. He got to hear stories from the hunters who came to visit, about new weapons they’d developed, new hunters they’d recruited, new lore they’d discovered. He got to hear how the fight was continuing without them and it was kinda nice to not be needed any more. He knew that he’d done his part, given all he had, and still ended up with a life worth bragging about. He didn’t worry about nightmares anymore, didn’t wake up drowning in guilt over things that were long over and done with. He’d made peace with his mistakes years ago, and he’d also learned to appreciate his victories.

His conversation with Sam lasted longer than he’d expected. They ended up, as most of their conversations did, reminiscing on old times. Mostly because there was so little present news happening. The world was quiet, for which they were both grateful, and they had more than earned the right to allow it to pass them by.

But this conversation felt different to the one they’d shared just the other day. Heavier almost. Sure, they laughed and poked fun at each other, just like they always had, even brothers in their eighties were still brothers after all, but Sam told him a few things that he was sure had never come up before, things like how grateful Sam was that Dean had raised him like he had, how he’d known all along the things he’d sacrificed so that he could have as normal a childhood as possible, even growing up as a hunter. He confessed how pleased he’d been to see him at Stanford, even knowing that it meant trouble, and other little moments like it. After hunts when Dean had been hurt, how terrified Sam had been every time. And when Sam got hurt, how much it had helped knowing that Dean was the one patching him up. He told a dozen different stories that emphasised how brave Sam thought he was, how kind, how smart, and he wouldn’t let Dean scoff off those compliments like he usually did.

Sam’s openness inspired his own and he found himself confessing things in kind. It felt good, cleansing, like a too-hot bath, and despite how stilted and slightly uncomfortable the entire conversation was, he was glad Cas had suggested the call.

Eventually, they both seemed to run out of things to say.

“Well, I should probably go,” Dean said. “But we’ll come visit on Tuesday like usual, kay?”

To his surprise, Sam sniffed, and it sounded like he was about to cry. “Yeah, okay,” he said. “Love you, jerk.”

“You too, bitch.”

He ended the call and glanced up at Cas, who had returned about an hour ago with a book, though instead of reading it, he was watching Dean.

Dean frowned at him, thinking about how weird Cas had been acting, how today he’d barely left him alone, how he’d caught him up on all the latest family news and made him call Sam. He remembered something Cas had told him years ago, when they’d first begun to let themselves truly love each other, how angels could sense when someone was dying.

“Today’s the day, isn’t it?” He asked.

Cas looked stricken for a moment, then he put the book aside and came back to sit at Dean’s side, curling around him like the world’s most careful question mark. “Yes.”

Dean reached out to grasp his hand. “Thank you. For making me talk to Sam.”

Cas just squeezed his frail fingers.

“Maybe I should’ve cut back on the burgers after all.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“No, I don’t,” Dean conceded. “But this has been nice though. Our life. Our, post-hunting life.”

“Our together life,” Cas said, his breath soft against Dean’s neck. “Yes, it has.”

“I love you.”

“And it still takes a deathbed for you to say it,” Cas joked, as though Dean hadn’t made a point to say it at least once a day since they’d been married. “I love you too.”

“So, what happens… after?” He had to ask, despite knowing, he had to ask. Because he’d known this day was coming in a far-off kind of sense, and he’d died more often than he cared to count, but knowing that this was it, this would be his final trip over to the other side, well… he was a little apprehensive.

“I’ll find you.” Cas promised. “I’ll need you to wait for me a little while. I have to make the arrangements here and—”

“And be there for Sam.”

“Of course.” Cas said easily. “But as soon as I can, perhaps a week or two, I’ll find you; and we’ll keep… not-living a together afterlife.”

“I’ll like that.” Dean said, just as a sharp pain prodded at his chest.

“I’m sure we’ll have plenty of visitors too,” Cas said. “Jack will make sure we have plenty of channels between Heavens. The last we spoke he said he was excited to see you again.”

“Be nice to see him too.” Dean said, though he was finding it hard to breathe; Cas stroked his hair and the touch was nice. “And the rest.”

The last thing he felt on Earth was Cas’ lips brushing his skin, and Dean Winchester drifted off, content in his angel’s arms; knowing that this was right, that he was ready, and that when he woke up back in his thirty-year-old body in whatever Heaven he had earned, he was gonna give Cas a hell of a welcome when he joined him.

[my-proof-is-you]

Someday We Could - Ch. 3

Request from anonymous:

Could u do a Dean x Reader where they have been friends since childhood and when they were younger they made a deal where if neither of them were married by 35 they would get married, but the last thing they expected was to actually fall for each other? ( i have been watching too much Friends)

Masterlist  |  Tag Yourself

Previous Chapter

*I do not own and pics or gifs

Now - Dean

Dean had barely slept. He laid there, wound up from the party. He replayed your reaction to the surprise in his head over and over, his mind’s eye focusing on your megawatt smile. 

After a few hours of that, his mind went to other things. 

Like the deal he’d made with you when you were thirteen.

He wasn’t sure if you remembered. You had a pretty sharp memory, though. So he wouldn’t be surprised. 

Regardless, he couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t. He couldn’t put you in danger like that. 

He wasn’t even crazy about you living with them. Of course, he loved having you around all the time. But being close to the Winchesters was dangerous. Everyone they loved got hurt. 

His mind ping-ponged all night between several thoughts: what it would be like to be married to you; the risk he’d be taking with your life if he did marry you; 

How much he would actually love to be with you forever.

The last thought was one he would scarcely admit to himself. He was Dean Winchester; he didn’t need anyone. He and his brother against the world, that’s all he knew. 

But there was something about you that screamed “home,” something that made him weak in the knees. 

He made his way off the floor of the living room where he’d slept at Jody’s, heading into the kitchen in search of coffee. Jody was there doing dishes, a fresh pot brewing on the counter. 

“Well hey there, sleepyhead,” she said, getting a mug down from the cupboard in anticipation of his need for caffeine. 

“Mmm,” he grunted in response. 

“Not a good night’s sleep?” she asked with a chuckle. “Gettin’ too old for the floor I guess.”

“Nah, that doesn’t bother me. Just couldn’t sleep,” he responded, pouring the steaming liquid into his mug. He turned back toward Jody who had sat down at the table. He joined her there, watching as she nodded with a knowing look in her eyes.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothin’.” She paused. “This whole thing you did for Y/N was pretty great, Dean.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, nothing,” she replied with a chuckle. 

You walked into the kitchen then, your eyes half-closed and your hair disheveled. 

“Oh, shit, better get her some coffee quick,” Dean said. You weren’t a morning person, and he was well aware of that fact. You scowled at him and he laughed, getting up and getting you a mug. 

“Fuck off,” you muttered, taking it from him and filling it. 

“Yikes,” Jody said from her spot at the table. 

“Oh, good morning, Jody, I didn’t see you there,” you said cheerily. Dean’s mouth dropped open. 

“So I guess it’s just you she doesn’t like in the morning,” Jody said with a chuckle. 

“Apparently,” Dean deadpanned. 

You gave him a sarcastic smile as you sat down with your coffee. 

“I know what’ll cheer you up,” he said, coming to stand next to your chair. 

“What?” you asked, eyeing him suspiciously. 

“I have one more birthday present for you.”

Your eyes widened, and Dean laughed. You’d always loved birthday gifts. He took Baby’s keys out of his pocket and held them up, dangling them near your face.

“No. Are you serious?” You asked, incredulous. 

“I am,” he replied, watching your smile grow as you took the keys from him. 

You stood up and nearly knocked the wind out of him with your hug. He had never let you drive Baby in all the years you’d been friends. He smiled, unable to stop himself. 

“Just be careful, okay?” He said sternly, recovering his macho attitude. 

That was what he said on the outside. 

On the inside, though, he was thinking, anything to make you smile. 

Then - Dean

Dean slammed the door behind him as he entered the motel room. 

“Bad day?” he heard from the couch.

“Y/N?” he asked, coming further into the room to see you laying on the couch on your back with your legs crossed. You sat up.

“Hiya,” you said casually, getting up and giving him a hug. 

“What’re you doing here?” he asked. He couldn’t help but feel relieved to see you after the day he’d had. 

“My dad and I were nearby and your dad wants us to go on the next hunt with you,” you replied, opening the fridge. You scowled at its lack of contents before closing it and sitting down at the tiny kitchenette table. 

“Cool,” Dean said. He was excited, but his bad mood returned pretty quickly. 

“What’s your deal?” you asked. You gestured to the chair across from you and Dean sat, glad you were there to talk to. His dad apparently didn’t understand what it was like to be a teenager anymore, and Sammy was too young to understand girl troubles. 

Dean told the story of what happened at this latest school: how he’d met a pretty blonde named Amanda; how he’d told her that he didn’t really have any rules to live by; how he’d been caught making out with another girl; how he’d tried to explain that it didn’t matter, that he was a hero. 

You nodded, listening to his story without interrupting. When he was finished, he looked up from his fiddling hands to see what your reaction would be.

“Why were you in the closet with that other girl?” you asked, your eyes sincere. You truly wanted to understand. 

“I—I don’t know,” he said truthfully. He really didn’t understand why he did the things he did.

“I’ll tell you why. You got scared. You knew you were leaving, and Amanda was getting too close.”

Dean gritted his teeth, annoyed that you were right—just like you always were. 

“And while she was right to say she feels sorry for you—and she was right,” you said with a pointed look in his direction, “the truth is, she never would have understood. She’s not a hunter. She doesn’t understand how hard it is for us to have real attachments.”

Dean sighed. He had a feeling he knew what was coming.

“Regardless, making out with another girl was stupid. You’re a dick,” you said, getting up and walking past him. You elbowed him as you did.

“Ow!” he yelled, grabbing his side. 

“Keep it up, Winchester, and I’ll be the only one that’ll marry you by default,” you joked, laying back down on the couch. Dean knew you were done lecturing him. He got up and jogged toward the couch, launching himself over the back and landing next to you, grabbing your feet. 

“That would suck,” he said, tickling your feet. 

“I will KILL you!” you yelled between giggles. Dean laughed, too, finally feeling actually happy for the first time that day.

Forevers:

@malfoysqueen14 @divadinag @lynne1993 @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @infj-slytherclaw @onethirstyunicorn @sammykb1994 @lilulo-12 @mellorine-paprika @tranquility-or-chaos @collette04 @differentstudentrunaway-e70bf763 @hoboal87 @bi-danvers0 @miraclesoflove @defenderrosetyler @babypink224221 @fabfan00 @calaofnoldor @beatifuldisaster018 @olyamoriarty @satans-0-spawn @coffeebooksandfandom @supernatural3002

Deanies/Jensen:

@tftumblin @deans-baby-momma @akshi8278 @weepingwillowphoenix @playingdeep17 @justanotherwinchester @flamencodiva @caligraphee @emma.penberthy.11 @tranquility-or-chaos @jxackles @supersassyprobablysad @heavensangel45135​

Someday We Could

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