#I am so mad he has to point out this is purely just a racing incident

[rickybaby]

RICCIARDO: ALBON CLASH A “SINGULAR MOMENT”, NOT PART OF TOUGH START TO F1 2024

[ressonancee]

WESTERN WIND

Vernon is on the verge of freaking out - Vernon is chill, Vernon is calm, but everyone has a limit, and Vernon's limit is when he complains 3 consecutive weeks about his front wing and the engineering team doesn't do a thing about it.

✦ genre: F1 Alternative Universe, almost enemiers to lovers (but really just have a fight in the workplace now we are weird), smut, they do it without protection so - be safe guys love you.

✦ word count: 8.9k+ ✦ title inspired by Carly Rae Jepsen - Western wind

✦ Thea note: okay, this was a challenge!! This was written for a friend who enjoys the f1 world and isn't a carat - but we are working on it. I write for me and I write what i like to read and to me, Vernon screams lazy sex so that's that - that's really nothing more on this subject. reminder 1: i am not an english speaker so i am very sorry about any mistake but you don't need to be a bitch about it. Also, I may try to write every member but gooooood some are harder than others, and vernon was hard for me so i am sorry if the characterization is weird or when you are reading this you think shit this is not Vernon lol I reached a point where i was like yeah i'm giving up.

Vernon has always been obsessed with the idea of flying. 

Not taking an airplane-flying, but actually flying. The closest he got to this was behind a steering wheel. And he got so obsessed with the feeling - first the wind against his face, then the whiplash of going too fast.  He loved it so much that he just made a career out of it. 

And Vernon was good at it, one of the best really, first drive in his new team and all. But it is the seventh grand prix and the car still lacking and there is so much he can do with pure strength and strategy. 

He can't fight aerodynamics. He can't, and to be honest, he shouldn't do what the engineering team was supposed to. But he is one step away from getting out of the car and breaking the damn front wing with his bare hand in the middle of the box. Vernon, a lot of people don't know, but he has this kind of superpower when he gets incredibly mad his face is still calm, and nobody knows he is on the verge of freaking out.

But Vernon just handles the steering wheel to the guy next to the car and jumps off it without making a scene. On a scale of Fernando Alonso to Kimi Raikkonen Vernon leans more to Kimi's side, even though right now he may pull off a Nico Rosberg or psychological warfare like Michael Schumacher against the engineering team, he is not above it today. 

He is no Kimi Raikkone though. Vernon does prefer just being in the car. He enjoys being on the circuit running laps. He is chill with being on the go, traveling around, jumping on airplanes, and Vernon developed a near to perfect packing method - he travels with just a backpack, thanks god. Vernon doesn't love press tours, sometimes they are just insufferable. He doesn't love to have a run down when his week has been shit - trashed car or broken really. But otherwise, Vernon is cool with it, he laughs a little, he goofs with other pilots, he has friends - sometimes he goes out with Lee Chan the Haas pilot. Sometimes he cracks jokes with Mingyu and Wonwoo - the Red Bull duo. So sometimes press is actually fun, and even tho Vernon is an accomplished guy in his field pole and race win on his name he also still has idols on the paddocks because he is against names like Choi Seungcheol and Hong Joshua.

So Vernon enjoys his life really, he isn't one to overthinking about what choosing this type of life made him lose. He gained so much that it would be unfair to do that, to wonder what it could be.

But when Vernon feels like his team is not even hearing his complaint about how the aerodynamics of the car is fucked up Vernon wants to just crash the car and scream in the box. What the fuck? Fix the gooddamn wing for fuck's sake. 

But Vernon doesn't scream in the middle of the box, it wouldn't be good for the press, and Vernon is calm he is chill, but he isn't dumb. He does this when the engineering team, himself, and Choi Minho, his team principal, are in a more private area.

"What the hell? I've been complaining about the front wing since the Australia GP."

"We have been working on the wing." The engineering girl slash prodigy answers.

"And why the fuck is not working properly? This car will fly out of the track if a single drop of rain falls." Vernon continues because he is the one putting his life on the line really. Why no one is giving a fuck about what he has been saying.

"We are trying, you know about regulations we cant-" You try to say as if everybody doesn't remember that FIA is actually the worst ever and it is your job to care about regulations too.

"Oh my fucking God. I gonna crash this car in the first fucking lap I am not even kidding." Vernon says pacing around the table, he hates the whole can't do won't do FIA-related frustration. 

"Ok, Vernon you know we can't really do anything about it right now," Minho says arms crossed. "So stop bitching about it, and no you will not crash my car in the first lap you are not stupid." And now Vernon knows he can't really crash his car but he feels the urge to do it nonetheless, Minho can scrap his bank account he doesn't care, he can go fucking penny less but he will have his front wing fixed up.

 "You," Minho says pointing at you and you are actually relieved, you can take the screams of the team principal - even tho Minho is not near screaming, but taking shit from the pilot? Not gonna happen "For fuck sake take his complaint and actually do something about it for the next GP, you have like 5 people that could have been working for NASA in the team if he complains again about this mothefucker wing again I gonna have a stroke," he says leaving the room.

"Why do you guys only act when I bring Choi Minho to the room?" Vernon asks feeling dumb and to be honest disrespected. He knows he is young, he knows he is new, but he was brought to the team for a reason.

"Not that it matters," You say already picking the things around the table, probably from a previous meeting. "But he is my boss, not you Vernon."

"I am the one inside the car," Vernon says trying to attain some kind of respect or authority.

"Ok, that's not relevant to me whatsoever. I work designing a car that if we put a dog behind the wheel is gonna be fast so-" You say because you are tired this front wing nightmare has been going on for more than the australia grand prix actually, it's always the same problem, again and again, your team fixes it but it always comes back to life like a zombie or something.

"Did you just say that I am not relevant? Are you kidding me?" Vernon actually scoffs because of course he knew when he arrived in Mercedes that the team is bigger than him, he knew what all the critics said, but being treated that poorly by a co-worker? Fucked up man.

"That's not what I meant-"

"Yeah yeah yeah like Im just a dumb kid on the wheel, that's what you meant. I really thought we could build a nice relationship and all-" Vernon cuts you already opening up his overall because it is hot as fuck, like one step away from dying hot. "I guess the civil war thing going on wasn't in my plans but if you guys on the engineering want that I have no problem whatsoever in being a fucking dick."

Vernon says almost dashing to his trailer, fucking stupid overalls dangling around his waist because if one of the journalists asks him something about his wing or his time or how Kim Mingyu got the pole, Choi Minho is not the only one who will have a stroke. Health care plans and his life insurance will skyrocket.

After Vernon takes a shower, he realizes how dumb and idiotic he is. This happens a lot. Vernon doesn't really know how to deal with his rage, so when the anger dissipates, he just ends up regretting everything. 

Regretting is not even close to the proper word. When Vernon analyzes the chances of him fucking up his entire year because you simply do not rage war on your engineering team - that was like a rule, not a rule scratch that, it was a dogma. A rule you can break, if you try that shit on a dogma, you will root in hell. The hell being Vernon's worst nightmare - having the team ask him to pull aside to the other driver because he can't keep up, the reason? His shitty ass front wing.

But when the actual race comes and Vernon starts the race in third and finishes up in 5th place, he doesn't know who will drop dead first, him or Choi Minho. 

"Do we need a meeting between grand prix to fix this hellhole you guys have been calling a car?" His boss asks and Vernon can see you just rolling your eyes. Dude, that's crazy. Did you just roll your eyes to Choi Minho? That was insane. 

And Vernon coped the only way he knew - developing a wealth obsession fueled by hatred, all because you didn't give him his wing and a roll of your eyes at Choi Minho.

Before that, Vernon really didn't have a problem with you. Since he moved to Mercedes everything was great! Great team! New and more powerful car! Great teammate - Lee Jihoon, who actually took Vernon under his wing. The pre-season was great, and he didn't have problems with you whenever you two had to talk about the development stage of the car. 

Actually, Vernon finds you interesting really, that's not a lot of women in F1, and the majority of the women actually deal with public relations or team management like Kwon Boa. He always saw you around, really, always in jeans, tennis, and a Mercedes shirt. Sometimes with glasses, sometimes with a cap on. Always chatting with someone, sometimes writing things down on a notebook, sometimes explaining something. 

He didn't actually have any problems with you. He didn't have a reason, but now? Now Vernon can't really back off, can he? God, he was not a fighter and neither a hater, but he wasn't a coward either. 

So when his one-week break is cut short and people send him to Northamptonshire Vernon is angry because really: 1st he could use a few days off, 2nd between the Emilia-Romagna and the Monaco GP he had booked a crazy Airbnb in Cannes.

Now he was stuck in this hell hole of a place, in a way too cold meeting room, with like the whole engineering team and his boss. Not ideal. So Vernon's mind just wonders really, he thinks about how he needs to catch up on his favorite TV show, maybe he can check on his family later, or call his friend Boo Seungkwan - maybe he would call Seungkwan to Monaco is bouge enough for Seungkwan.

“And that's why we try to fix the front wing, but it seems like the aerodynamic problem is always back. Lee Seokmin actually did design another front wing at the start of the pre-season but you guys said that this one had a better grip” You finish the whole ppt-presentation, sometimes you hated your job so much, and by sometimes you meant the whole ppt presentation of a problem that we can`t actually fix because of regulations and because you guys main driver didn't do proper feedback in the first place. And now you have a problem in your hands, that to begin with, it wasn't even yours. 

“So the best thing we can do is?” Choi Minho asks and you laugh because right now you are not the one treating Vernon like a damn child on the wheel, it is Choi Minho, but Vernon is too engrossed in his own mind to notice or he feigns ignorance because it is Choi Minho who is talking, not you the mere translator girl for the engineering team. 

“We can try always the wet tire even if it's just light, and we can always use the soft tire at the beginning of the race it is the less durable but if he is in a good position to start with we can always call him back-”

“So, we did this three-hour meeting” Vernon actually checked his watch. It was a tree hour meeting for god`s sake. “for the resolution being soft tire and pray for a good pit stop? Are we crazy?”

“If you heard about FIA rules we cannot-” You try to speak but really, you don't even know why you start when you know you gonna be ignored by the man in the room and it’s F1 there is always a man in the room, always.

“Ok ok,” Vernon interrupts. “Just so you know that’s crazy, everything about this wing situation is crazy, we are just handling the championship, we are not even close to being - I don't know? 5th fucking place.” 

“We need to make the legal team re-analyze the rules,” Minho says contemplative and not really angry, and to be honest you wouldn't be either because it is true, but Vernon could be less bitch about it because it is not your fault either

“Just that? Ok,” Vernon says and he gets up because when Minho talks about the legal team it`s gonna take 4 to 6 days to actually find a loophole in the damn manual, but hey ok, it's fine, Vernon it’s chill, but not chill enough because the next moment his mouth is moving. “Maybe you could ask for the engineering team to work on that too I don't know just a thought” 

And you laugh, loud and clear. And Vernon is truly spooked. What the heck? Are you going crazy? Has the excruciating work and the insane hours with the weekly jetlag made you crazy? 

“Yeah Minho,” you say, picking up the papers. Why do you always pick up? Are they top-secret papers? Vernon never thought about corporate espionage, but it may be a thing. “Maybe you can ask your drivers for proper feedback when I ask them about grip and wings and start making them say whole sentences, not it's bad and a sad emoji. If we did send a form about this shit we wouldn't have this problem,” You actually leave them room, but Minho and Vernon continue listening to your voice down the hall. “Oh Vernon, how it’s going with the car. Make them say 4 whole sentences and not it's chill. Maybe that would help” and then you scream. “Just a thought."

“I mean” Choi Minho starts getting up too. “Nothing against a rivalry in the workplace, dang in my times, it was worse. But if I get an actual complaint - Humans Resources or Legal Team involved - I am so firing both of you, and I am not even caring about labor law or whatever.” 

And Vernon thinks it's weird how he was the first one to get up and the last one out of the meeting room.

So when Vernon actually arrives in Monaco - Boo Seungkwan, his best friend since birth, on his side, the civil war in his team is still going on at full speed. The tire strategy is still in place. Choi Minho still looks at him every five minutes like a babysitter. You still give a side eye every time you both share a room, Vernon is even more aware that you roll your eyes at everyone. Are you just discontent with everything?

But he doesn't think so when he sees you and Jeonghan, the team strategy, and Jun, one of the mechanics, laughing while eating lunch. Vernon is puzzled really why the fuck is he, Choi Minho, and the whole team getting side eyes and Jeonghan and Jun receiving beautiful smiles and even laughs? That's weird, more than weird, that's unfair really.

"What's going on in your head?" Boo Seungkwan asks, actually stealing a bite of Vernon chicken's breast. 

"Just, you know the whole war in the team. That's the girl that is actually making my life hell." Vernon says voice low like he is telling Seungkwan a secret, trying to be discreet. 

"That one?" Seungkwan asks loud and not caring about the top secret war going on, apparently. "Oh, Vernon, she is pretty."

"And?" Vernon thinks puzzled because really he never stopped to think about it. "Ok, ok, stop looking," Vernon says when he sees Jeonghan looking back at his table, grabbing Seungkwan and almost getting up and turning Seungkwan`s head himself. God.

"You didn't tell me she was pretty." Seungkwan acts like it was the most important thing ever. Missing the point, really, because the most important thing ever in this whole ordeal was Vernon's career and the probability of it ending abruptly. 

"Yeah, because it is not important, I mean…" Vernon trails off because again, he never stopped really, but thinking about you are pretty. Or at least not recently. Vernon thinks back when you two met in the pre-season and he may have blushed once or twice talking to you in the first days, but he wouldn't call it a crush.

"Hey Vernon," Jeonghan says, stopping at his side. "We will go over the strategy at 3 pm for the first free practice, so if you need anything, just give us a heads up before."

"Oh, sure man, actually I was thinking about the ty-" Vernon starts.

"Bye guys, if I hear one more driver talking about how they don’t want to start with a soft tire today, I'm gonna jump the nearest cliff." You say, lacing arms with Jun and just dragging him.

"Oh, she is feisty today," Jeonghan laughs. "Okay, anyway, you can bring everything to the team, right? I need to actually get some information with her so-" 

"Sure, sure man, no big." 

“Yeah," Boo Seungkwan just laughs, and laughs, he actually almost falls backward type of laughing “When was the last time you got laid?"

"Hm?" Out of nowhere? What the heck was going on in his friend’s mind? But Vernon actually needs time to think about it, fuck, when was the last time? Vernon didn’t even remember with whom. "I don't know a few weeks?"

"Months right?" Seungkwan answered in a heartbeat, chewing on a long French fries.

"Maybe dude, you know it is hard when I am always on the go." And it was hard, Vernon wasn’t lying. He didn’t enjoy the whole no-string attached really, and after he got a little famous - in a very niche type of famous he knew that, he was no rockstar type of guy, but still, he enjoyed it even less.

"Yeah didn't peg you for doing in the workplace kind of guy, always talking about how it is precious and nothing can disturb the paddock’s energy,” Seungkwan says making Vernon almost choke on his food.

“First, that is the rule that applies when you want to bring your boyfriend Kwon Soonyoung because last time he almost broke my trophy,” Vernon can actually feel the chill going through his body just remembering the scene that his traumatized brain conjures up, it was his first grand prix win and Seungkwan boyfriend almost knocked it down. “second we are not doing anything. We are actually enemies” 

“Oh,” Seungkwan stops, truly stops, dropping his fork and knife, and he stares at Vernon, but Vernon knows it is not a stare, Seungkwan is analyzing Vernon like he always did. “Well, that's even worse, because when it happens - see not if, I said when it's going to be a nuclear bomb, thanks good I am not going to Spain with you and me and my lovely boyfriend will be having a few days off in Monaco so…” 

The problem was that Seungkwan was always annoyingly right. Seungkwan was right when he said Vernon's last relationship wouldn't last more than 3 months. Seungkwan was also right about Vernon's first love and second. Seungkwan had this superpower really, Seungkwan was always there to see the picture better before Vernon did.

But Vernon always just shrugged and went to his next task, now free practice. And Vernon did slightly better than he thought - 4th place. So he wasn't actually totally dejected after the press asked him about the probability of rain. Everything was fine until Vernon saw the little orange cat hiding in the corner of the Mercedes trailer.

Vernon squatted and tried to call the little kitten really, it was tiny and made Vernon's heart break a little because when the cat was approaching him Vernon saw how he was limping, front paw looking hurt. Also, the little dude looked muddy. He may hate Vernon for it, but he needed a good wash.

"Hey," You say looking at Vernon who just started stroking the orange cat fur. "I was just-" You point at the water container.

"Ah yeah," Vernon says, giving you a nod. "I was thinking of finding something so this little guy can eat but-"

"We don't know anything around, same." You say squatting on Vernon's side and putting the container on the ground, little dude giving you both a meow.

"Could we-" Vernon starts but you just cut him.

"Make a trainee do the hard work? Make them go to the nearest supermarket, " you say, laughing a little, like you laugh with others. And Vernon thinks that maybe your brain is too fast, two-step forwards already, ahead of everyone, always.

"Yeah, I was thinking about asking someone or even the Grand Prix organizers to even get a vet around. I think something is wrong with his paw." Vernon points at the cat, and he stops for a minute thinking about how he is so used to being in the paddock but not really knowing his way around it. He strokes the cat again, almost feeling the urge to pick him up and go around asking if anyone knows a vet.

"You shouldn't be touching him." You say and Vernon feels a little offended. Did you enjoy telling him what to do? Vernon could take it, he didn't like it, but when it was about the race he could take it, but about a cat? Really? "Like, for health reasons." 

"Yeah, I was thinking about taking him to the trailer, but if he has fleas, that would be a nightmare," Vernon says hand still scratching the little cat like the rebel he was. 

"Can you-" You trail off, looking around, and Vernon can almost see your brain working inside your skull.

"What?"

"Look, we have like two options.” You say getting up and fixing your pants. And Vernon thinks that Seungkwan was actually right shit, you are actually and objectively pretty. “You can be an asshole and make someone do the job just because you are throwing a i am a star fit"

"Or?"

"You could totally do your I am a heartthrob bit on the communication team newbie, she kinda has a crush on you, so she would totally find Seb a vet place. Just don't let Minghao know.” Vernon just feels like a lot of what you just said goes over his head because it really doesn’t make sense to him, Heartthrob what? Crush who? Seb? 

"Are we calling him Seb?"

"I mean he just gives me Sebastian Vettel energy all around you know, he is kind of shy and orange," you say trying not to sound dumb, feeling a little anxious - because Vernon always made you feel this way, an uneasy feeling paired with his low voice.

"Yeah, I can see that” and Vernon smiles, dude the cat really looks like Sebastian. God - in that exact moment Vernon knows that his life is fucked up, he is picking a stray cat when the next 3 weeks he will be jumping from airplane to airplane. But look at him, Vernon can't leave Seb in a freaking paddock, in the end of the week everything will be gone.

"So? Which one? I'm pretty sure we can try just telling Minho you went rogue as the third option but…"

"The heartthrob one just-" Vernon can feel his forehead itch and the beginning of a headache. He can't do a heartthrob bit. What is he talking about? "Just show me the way."

"I need your keys," you say to Vernon, hand open in his direction "First we need a box and a towel. We can't let little Seb on the loose."

"He is a little difficult, though. Pretty sure he won't stay in the box," Vernon tells you already giving you his key.

"I think I can steal a few eggs for him on the way. If they are boiled, it won't be a problem. He seems hungry enough."

And Vernon actually plays with Seb until you arrive, a box filled with Vernon's towel - probably the one he used this morning, and a plastic plate full of eggs. And then you are already dragging Vernon around to the second task - the heartthrob bit. And Vernon thinks about how quick on your feet you are - figuratively, and literally, you walk really fast. Later, you tell him that is a job thing, not a you thing. Apparently to be an F1 engineer you need to think fast, walk quickly, and solve everyone's problems.

Vernon did the heartthrob bit - it actually ended up with the newbie taking Seb to the vet, you gave her a to-do list (1 - check his paw, 2 - check for fleas, 3 - don't forget the shots!!!) and Vernon's credit card. But Vernon still with a weird taste in his mouth. How did you know the newbie had a crush on him? That's totally weird.

But hey the trainee actually found a vet, and she brings Seb back with shots and a bath. And now Vernon is staring at his cat, thinking about how if he needs to call the hotel to check about the animal policy, maybe he could do the heartthrob bit to the hotel manager. Or he could leave Seb unattended, he could eat something, chew his race boot, or - then Vernon hears a knock, which is weird of course because Vernon doesn't actually receive visits in the motor home, people know that Vernon is sensitive about that - no fans, no press, no knocking when he is in the motorhome.

"Hi," you say as soon as Vernon opens his door, "just came to see the little guy."

"Oh, yeah sure," of course it was you, the only person who doesn't actually care about Vernon’s word and maybe well-being, but Vernon kind of understands, Seb is cute, "he looks tired tho."

"It's okay, I just came to give him some love." You say one digit going between Seb’s ear, squatting on the floor, letting Seb chill in his place, "Are you going to the hotel?" 

"I don't know,” Vernon scratches his kneck because it is true, he doesn’t actually have any idea what he is about to do, maybe he can take his race boots and everything essential so Seb doesn't chew on it, "I need to go but I can’t leave him alone but also I can’t sleep on the couch, it will fuck up my neck and also can’t just not sleep."

"You can go, I can sleep here on the bed, not a problem." You say sitting on the floor, Seb little groggy but wake, you pick him up and put him on your lap, and he just purr. What the hell? His cat is purring? For another person? What?

"I can’t let you do that,” he can’t because his cat is already in love and because he also knows that his motorhome bed is just uncomfortable. 

"Don’t worry, we are just-" you say finally looking at Vernon’s eyes, "co-parenting" You say and Vernon feels like a bomb just dropped, and the whole humanity just vanished, he can hear a pin drop.

"Co-pareting? A cat?" Vernon says like his brain is not really functioning.

"Yeah Vernon,” You start, and Vernon can see a small smile across your face, “people have different family arrangements. You, me, and Seb, divorced people with a kid, it's okay." 

"Divorced?" Vernon actually lets out a laugh, a scoff really. Why are you trying to mess with him ? This is not even close to normal.

"Yeah we are not on great terms but we sacrifice for him."

Vernon leaves - not because you said he could, not because you found a solution, but because it was the right thing to do for his performance really. Vernon leaves because his neck is a prized possession, and because he needs to sleep , he needs his best reaction time. And Vernon is an athlete. People may say that driving a car is not a sport, but people don’t know how much the g-force makes his neck almost break. But when Vernon lays in bed with his special pillow, Vernon can’t actually sleep. His mind goes back to his motorhome, to his just-for-stretching bed, and never actually sleeps. His mind, Vernon finds out, is going back to you sleeping in that awful bad, to the way you treat the little cat like it can break, and the way that every time your hand goes against the cat's fur Venon can actually feel the love.

Vernon is so fucked.

He starts to think that Seungkwan is actually right.

And Vernon can't actually sleep because you are tormenting his mind and Seungkwan's voice telling him 'I told you so' echoes in his mind.

Even tho not getting the eight-hour sleep Vernon gets what his system needs to be quick on his reactions -  Wonwoo and Seungcheol actually crash in front of him, debris over his head and Vernon has control enough to just not crash in the crash in the narrows streets of Monaco. Nightmare, really. Vernon finishes in third because of it, and even tho he is in the podium, he can't actually feel happy about it.

Maybe that's really why Vernon can't have his car with a fucked up wing because it can mean life and death. Later that day he makes sure to go check with both drivers - halo is ugly as fuck but saves lives.

Vernon is thankful that he doesn't have time to actually think about life and death because you are shoving him into a funny bag and telling him to put Seb inside and telling him that you actually are about to sit next to him. So Vernon ends up with a cat bag on his lap, Seb strangely chills about everything, your hand going inside the bag just to stroke his fur.

He ends up sleeping the flight, which is only about 1h40 minutes, but Vernon feels like he needed that nap.

The perception of time in the world of F1 is really truly bizarre. Vernon is always running, always thinking about how he can go faster, even when he is doing the press talk. Minghao walks faster, and explains everything for Vernon in 3 sentences, if it is a sponsor or if it is a journalist, if he needs to actually talk about the car, or if it is a 'content' bit. 

But when Vernon is going around the paddock and see you leaning against Jeonghan smile bright and full Vernon actually stops on his track, it is late, and everything is figured out in the paddock why the hell are you and Jeonghan laughing about?

"Come on, Vern," Minghao calls him, making his neck turn. "Come on, we have three more, and if I don't arrive in time for my dinner with Mika, she is going to kill me."

So Vernon lets Minghao drag him across the paddock. But his mind is still on the scene, you leaning and smiling against Jeonghan, and Vernon doesn't want to, but he feels jealous. He wants to be Jeonghan so fucking bad.

Vernon really doesn't have much time to think about it, he needs to sleep, watch his water intake, and think about his neck - his neck is his most important body part as a f1 driver, and he did think his neck was feeling a little funny. But every time Vernon sits and has time to himself, his brain conjures the image of you and Jeonghan in his eyelid.

Vernon doesn't think it was because of his neck or because his sleep was extremely shitty but the next day, his car crashes against a brick wall. Not great. Not ideal. Not fun either. So Vernon does what he needs to do. Even if he feels fine and got out of the car on his own, he needs his trip to the hospital. Turns out a few hours later, the medical team is sure that Vernon is not dying, but he may have a concussion.

When Vernon is back in his motor home to pick Seb back to the hotel (this time he actually made sure it was okay with the hotel's policy) he founds you lying on his useless motor home bed.

"Hey," you say getting up the bed "are you okay?"

"Yeah yeah," Vernon drops his bag on the floor and sits down by your side. "Just a concussion."

"Okay," you say, looking at Vernon, like actually looking at him searching for something. "I was scared it wasn't a pretty scene, Vernon."

"I know, but I'm okay," but Vernon is so so tired, he is okay and he feels okay but he feels the urge to just lie in this horrible bed and just stay in it, he doesn’t even care about his neck really - he can call for physiotherapy or something. 

"Still, the whole team was worried, you don’t need to act like it wasn’t scary,” you say and Vernon just feels so heavy, like his whole body is made of bricks, even tho he is ok with it, he is used to it really, but the crash still takes a tool on his body "and you should have gone directly to the hotel"

"I was just picking Seb up," Vernon just lies on that horrible bed and it doesn’t really seem that bad, or he is just so tired that even lying on the floor seems like a good option now. His mind is tired too - Vernon can’t even think.

"You didn't need to do that. You could've ringed me up, you know, co-parenting,” you say, voice small, and Vernon's hazed mind almost doesn’t catch it.

"Yeah," Vernon scoffs. Really, he didn’t even think about texting you,  "I don't think I have your number"

"Oh shit," You say picking up Vernon's phone and putting it in front of his face to unlock his phone, "ok gonna save my number you need to send me Seb pics I don't think you should bring him up, we have a week off you are probably going back to England right? You should hire someone to go see him daily or-" 

Vernon just feels the urge to actually kiss you. You are just there, cat on your lap, thinking about how Vernon shouldn't bring Seb around anymore, you are so so worried about his health and if he is getting stressed, and you go on about how Vernon just needs to let him rest in his place in England even tho it would be super hard for you because you are getting used to distress, every work day you pop up in Vernon motor home to say hi to the cat - and to Vernon, it all feels like a freaking lullaby, he actually nestles himself in the bed, searching for the better position to just sleeps. 

"See," you say to Vernon when you see how dozed off he is "you never pay attention." 

"I am paying attention," Vernon answers, eyes still shut but not actually sleeping. 

"You are not. You are zoomed out," You say, lying on his side, legs dangling out of the bed.  "What were you thinking?"

"Nothing really," Vernon says because he is not really thinking about anything concrete really, his brain is all over the place.

"Vern," you actually whine, "I thought we were becoming friends parenting the same kid"

"We are becoming friends" Vernon laughs because that is weird right? “I have your phone now we are definitely friends”

"See? So tell me, what's on your mind lately?" You try again, but Vernon just hums."You seem actually stressed lately. Is Minho bothering you? I  know the results are not great, but i promise we are trying" 

"I know, I know, don't worry about that." And Vernon feels actually bad because it is the first time he can feel that you are a little guilty, no scratch that, tired? Vernon can’t really catch the feeling, but he knows that you care. 

“I am not worried about that, I care about the results but you crashed today, the med team said you may have a concussion, and I don’t know if you are just zooming out in an ok way or zooming out in a concussion-induced way.” 

“It’s not the concussion the hospital let me go, it is just, I’m just tired” Vernon feels your hand on his hair, petting him, almost like you do with Seb, and Vernon just let himself sleep feeling the affection in the way your fingers travel in his skull. 

The thing is, even when Vernon is in his house in England he doesn't really feel at home, because it is a company provided apartment, and to be fair Vernon didn't put a lot of effort in it. So in his week off Vernon tries to focus on his physical training, on his neck, on his diet, on sleeping, but every time his phone vibrates Vernon just feels giddy and excited because 80% of the time it is just you reacting to Seb's pics Vernon sent.

Vernon tries not to think about how fast you answer his messages or how sometimes you send audio snips, and Vernon doesn't feel angry - he always hated audio message god. Vernon also hated calls but one night he actually video calls you and you are already in bed but you said you wanted to say goodnight to Seb but you and Vernon spends more than an hour chatting about nothing and everything. 

When the time comes, Vernon ponders; leaving Seb behind or actually flying with the cat. So he just calls Boo Seungkwan to babysit Sebastian - the hours of flight and the jetlag would just make him stressed, even tho Vernon thinks he is the worst person ever adopting a cat to just let him stay in an empty apartment even tho Seungkwan will make sure he is eating, and Vernon actually begged 3 times to Seungkwan check Seb's litter box.

To everyone's surprise, Vernon actually gets a pole position. To be honest, even to Vernon and his team it was a surprise, too. But it was a good one. You congratulated him, and that night, you and Vernon called Seungkwan and spent like 45 minutes talking to a cat and cooing together - like parents on a holiday.

Vernon thinks it's kinda weird really - how you two fell into this dynamic of sharing a pet, and in a way, you two turned into friends too. So when Vernon is ready to get out to his car you are the last one to greet him, and Vernon is not really superstitious but he thinks he will make sure that this turns into a new team ritual.

When Vernon crosses the finish line, he feels it - the feeling that Vernon always chased in a way. When he hears the screams and laughs on his radio, he feels he can actually let go and just enjoy. He did. He won a grand prix again.

And when Vernon is showered with champagne, hears his national anthem, and jumps to the crowd he thinks about you. He tries to find you really but Minghao just directs him to the press area.

“Hey,” you say, popping your head in the door crack after knocking on his door. “Heard you were looking for me.”

“Yeah yeah.” And Vernon feels sticky. His whole body is covered in champagne. He is looking like a mess, but god, he is so so happy. “Didn’t see you in the celebration.” 

“I was around. Saw everything, don't worry" You move and close the door acting like you guys didn't accomplish the best thing in the whole world because that's how Vernon feels like he is on top of the world. 

“No no-” Vernon's smile is so big, and he touches your arms, and he actually stops, and he looks at you. “We did! We actually did it!” 

“You did it" you say almost shoving him, but Vernon's hands don't leave your arms - hot and sticky against your skin, "don't need to be humble it was a great race on your side-”

“No no no listen, we both did it. We did it together. We are sharing this," Vernon says - smile still big across his face, he is so sweaty why do you think that seeing Vernon happy is the best thing ever? “Come on, say it”

“We did it” You say smiling, not even because you are happy with his win - you are, you are happy for the team, and you are happy for Vernon, but Vernon is so happy and in a way is so infectious you just can not smile like him.

“We sure did,” and Vernon hugs you, head dropping on your shoulder, “god-”

“What?"

“You smell nice," Vernon says voice muffled.

“Thank you, you smell like really nice champagne," you say with a laugh, god Vernon is so happy, and there is only one thing that would make him happier -

"And-” He tries to master his courage to say, “and I wish I could kiss you.”

When Vernon kisses you, he almost feels the breeze, almost feeling the physical sensations that involve flying, because, in his head, he is already 10 thousand feet high. He feels so out of it that Vernon just let you take what you want for him. God, you want so much. 

Vernon can feel it. He feels in the way your fingers hold his jaw. He feels in the way your mouth goes together, like two pieces made to fit each other. He feels in the way that you react when his hands hold your hips so tightly, whimpering in his mouth.

Vernon is not one to complain about speed, but when his whole world is spinning and everything is going so fucking fast he wishes he could stop the time, make it go backward, make it go slower. 

His whole life, he fought against the clock. If he was two seconds faster if he didn't waste milliseconds in the second curve. Vernon was always running, but now, fuck Vernon wishes he could go slow.

So Vernon chooses to take his time, not hurry. He kisses you slowly. The way that he trails his lips against your jaw is slow, and the way that his hands travel to your ribcage is slow.

"Vernon," you try to call his attention, to make him hurry, to make him speed up, but the only thing that Vernon gives you is a non-committal noise.

And Vernon thinks you are in a fucking trailer, with a not-great bed, and he has one better - bigger and with his trusted neck pillow but everything just shatters when someone knocks on his door.

And when Vernon opens the door and sees Minghao he thinks two things: Minghao is his worst enemy really, Minghao must hate him. The second one? Vernon asks himself how many wins he needs in his career to do a contract clause saying he is never doing press again, if someone asks him to do an interview or youtube content he is allowed to change teams before the end of his contract.

Vernon goes back to everything needs to move fast behavior. You two jump on a plane, and again, Vernon has his week off - while you need to go to Austria to check everything related to the engineering team. So when Vernon arrives and Seb purrs against his leg, he films it and sends it to you. When Vernon is chilling on his bed and Seb acts like Vernon's body is his personal pillow, he films it and sends it to you. When you say you are crying because you miss the cat, Vernon calls you and says you can knock on his door anytime. 

When Vernon arrives in the paddock the first thing he does is ask Jun where you were - meeting room, you had a meeting with Jeonghan and Minho, but when Vernon knocks on the door you are alone.

"You really did it." It's the first thing you say to Vernon.

"Yeah" He shrugs. "it was a promise."

"It looks good on you," you say, sitting in front of him at the table, hand touching Vernon’s hair, feeling the urge to ruffle it. 

"So, like, my last meal was airplane food, so I was thinking about taking you to dinner," Vernon says, and you just think how it is unfair that even tho he is not conscious of it, he is doing the heartthrob thing, the lazy eyes, the small smile, the unkept hair - now blonde.

"Hm-" you try your best to not just throw your papers and forget you have an actual job just because Vernon smiled at you, "I don't know if I am free, actually Minho was talking about going over the strategy with you so-"

"Yeah? Ok, I can call him and say the airplane gave me a headache so," Vernon picks his phone up and starts typing something, "I don't know Austrian food that well but we can always go to an Italian."

"Italian, I prefer Italian," you say, chin resting on your hand and just admiring Vernon. You are pretty sure if you were a cartoon, they would draw you with heart eyes.

"Nice."

You let Vernon wine and dine you. The restaurant was nice, and it was even nicer that you and Vernon sat side by side in low light, and you can just rest your head on his shoulder because you were truly tired and because every time you did that you could actually sniff Vernon a bit, and he smells so so good. 

You guys just chat about everything, and at some point, Vernon actually unlocks his phone and just lets you browse his gallery (90% of it is Seb's pics or videos, and the other 10% were the pics you sent him about your day - a coffee, a building, anything silly that made you smile), and looking at it made your heart melt.

In a silent agreement, you just hop in Vernon's Uber and end up on his hotel bed, with Vernon on top of you. 

Vernon kisses you slowly like he has all the time in the world - and you are weak enough for him, so you don't complain, you don't hurry him. To be honest you don't want him to hurry either, you are enjoying the way Vernon is nested between your legs, the way you can feel his weight on your body, and the way that his hands feel against your neck.

The way Vernon touches you makes you feel treasured, makes your heart full, and makes you want to make him feel the same way, and you try your best.

You try when your hands travel to his biceps, squeezing it the way his hands tighten against your hips. You try when your hand goes through his hair when he kisses your neck. You try when Vernon's hands travel under your shirt and you kiss his cheeks because it's the only place you reach.

Vernon doesn't think, and he doesn't try. He just does, and he accepts what you give him.

When Vernon outright grinds on you and you whimper, Vernon accepts it. When your hands claw at his shirt, he accepts, and when he gets off, you take his shirt off and see you doing the same. Vernon thinks that maybe you gonna give him more than he can take.

You don't rush him, you let Vernon watch you, but you feel rushed, so you get up as well, mouth. chasing Vernon's while you take off your bra. 

The way Vernon holds you makes your mind spin. The way his firm body feels against yours, and how his hands feel against your back. And even though you try, Vernon still kisses you slowly.

Vernon holds you when he makes you lie on the bed, "baby lemme just-" he says, giving your hips a small kiss, and opening the button of your pants, when he takes your pants off you can feel his digits traveling against your leg and you are sure he can feel the goosebumps on your skin.

Vernon's fingers close against your ankle, and Vernon brings it against his mouth, "Vern " you try to call him, and you feel dumb enough that you just beg. And Vernon kisses you again, one hand on your chest and the other grabbing your hips.

And you think you can take slow when Vernon is on top of you, legs tangled, his lips now on your neck. Every time your hips move together Vernon hums against your skin and you wish he was naked already. But when Vernon's lips find your chest you can't really complain because you feel so lost, he takes one of your nipples in your mouth, and he gives attention to the other one too, taking your nipple between two fingers and toying with it

When Vernon releases your breast with a pop you remember to call him, "Vern please"

"What?" He says hands toying with your panty line, digits hot against your hips.

"Your pants," you say, feeling your mouth dry, body buzzing.

"Oh right," Vernon says and you already feel remorseful when Vernon detaches his body from yours. 

You try to reach Vernon with your hands, palms against his skin, on his chest, on his abs, on his thighs. Everywhere - trying to placate the lack of the feeling of his body against yours. 

When Vernon finishes getting his pants off he holds your head, hand against your nape and jaw and he kisses you, and you feel a little better thinking he suffered like you did in those milliseconds that your bodies have been apart from each other.

And Vernon did, and when he stops to look at you, to really look, tracing his thumb against your mouth and you open just enough for your tongue to lap at his digit Vernon thinks he is going crazy. 

God, you are just so pretty on his bed, hair messy, trails of his kiss against your skin. Vernon knows he is so fucking lucky, and if he could he would stop the time, he would treasure every second - he would go so fucking slow he would make the clock go backward. You, however, don't really care, you just touch Vernon, hand under his underwear giving his dick a few pumps while Vernon's hands leave an imprint on your ribcages.

Vernon helps you a little, one hand on your hips and another one lowering his underwear, his dick finally free. When Vernon looks down, he can see how red his skin is - a blush coloring his chest, he can also see how your thumb just goes smoothly against his cockhead and Vernon thinks he might go insane.

"Do you need to-" Vernon asks while trying to return the feeling, hand going to your clothed pussy, pressing against it and making you whimper.

"No, no, I am ok," You say, almost in a way to make Vernon hurry up, "You can just fuck me."

"Yeah yeah ok," Vernon says, and you can feel the way his dicks enters you while Vernon's tongue lick his lips.

Vernon fucks you slowly, body pressed against yours, one of his hands holding your head - almost pressing you against his, his lips never leaving your cheek. And it is almost excruciating - the way Vernon fucks you, so slowly and yet so fucking good.

You try to tell him in the way your hands hold his neck, the way you feel his shoulder blades under your hands, the way you want to touch the expanses of his back. 

It's good, and you could live like that - in Vernon's warm embrace. But you are feeling desperate enough so you just beg, "Vern, faster", and not a second late Vernon is fucking you harder. He picks himself up, knees on the bed, holding your legs on the side of his waist. And god he hits you so deep, you just need a little more.

"Fuck you are so hot," Vernon says almost there when he sees your hand toying with your clit.

"I am so close," You say to him and you can feel how his hands tighten against your thighs, how he picks up his pace, how he fucks you harder.

And then it washes over you, and it hits Vernon - because of the way he continues to fuck you after it, but then you can feel his body against yours, his mouth chasing yours, and you just laugh between kisses because yeah, Vernon is a lazy kisser, that just how he is, but goddamn you love it.

In that weekend Vernon makes a ritual of kissing you, he kisses you every time he can really, but he makes a point of stealing a kiss before the free practice - in his motorhome. He does it again before the race, he ends up in second place. He kisses you again when you jump at him saying that he is the best - and he wants to argue because he just ended in second place, but it's you so he just takes it.

When Vernon is showered, clean, and not sticky from champagne he sees you sleeping in his horrible motorhome bed, and he just can't let you - you guys have a flight to catch.

"Hey, come on let's go home, Seb is missing you," Vernon says trying to wake you up.

[lestappenforever]

Hello my lovely, your social-psychological anon haunting your inbox once more- can you tell I have such awful lestappen and f1 brain rot? 🤭

I have some thoughts on rbr lestappen but I first want to comment on the wonderful ask from anon who referenced the Max reacting to Charles’ comment on him video. That’s exactly right- every small comment from Charles is most likely obsessively internalised and dissected to the extreme- and what Mona speaks about in response of how max and Charles have been tied together from childhood with even Jos verstappen saying they will fight forever - it makes me wonder, and this is pure speculation- but there is a method to my madness - if there was an element of Jos setting Charles on a pedestal (you know im that annoying way that parents go “look at this [insert achieved acquaintance] they are such a good example you ought to learn from them” which breeds resentment but once again I speak from experience in an athletically competitive environment, it also breeds admiration because here is this other person who is amazing at this sport). We know that Jos has a specific way of disciplining max in racing (saying he will never achieve anything , that he will be a truck or taxi driver) which makes me wonder if Jos used Charles as a marker of success (“Charles is so good/ you won’t be like Charles he will go onto f1 and you won’t”) to encourage and cultivate Max’s competitive spirit. And that’s why max hated charles but also admired him and because charles had Jos’ approval, by extension charles is automatically in a position to give that approval to max. I’ve never really thought of it this way but it really would make sense why max is so eager to please Charles and cares so much about what he thinks of him because throughout maxs childhood Charles was the benchmark, he was the golden boy (still is), he was what max sought to reach.

This theory would support and give greater contextual depth to what I said previously about max ignoring interviews because he is just so happy to have Charles’ attention and is afraid of losing it; he just values it so highly. Also pay attention to when Charles is talking, max almost always demonstrates active listening by nodding but he does so much more to show he is involved with adding hand signs and affirmatives of “yeah me too, I had the same thing, on turn 1 right?” To really show how engaged he is and also to keep Charles’ attention too by engaging him in literally every way possible during a conversation.

So thank you so much for such interesting thoughts I value them so highly and am so happy that people actually like these takes and understand/ see what I see not just from a shipping perspective because I find their interactions and relationship just so fascinating and full of nuance.

Anyway, back on track; some brain thoughts on rbr Charles and Lestappen teammates. There are a series of concerns and complaints I will go over like the whole 1-2 driver strategy and how they’re both WC contenders and it would be unfair for Charles to be a second driver/ how Charles polished personality does not fit the red bull vibe/ and how he would be entering a team that literally orbits max plus the infamous second red bull seat curse.

Well my two cents on this is that all of these concerns are wrong because:

- red bull have stated, very dramatically, during the initial rumours of talks held with Lando and Charles that they are abandoning the traditional 1-2 driver format and they want two championship contenders. This has been said I am sure but I have to reiterate the point that F1 is not just a sport in the way that Olympic events are about the sport. F1 is a show, you’re there for the races but also for the drama for the content for the interactions and the entertainment. And red bull pride themselves in being “shit stirrers” and just an out of pocket team (which I think is beautiful 😂🫡) and if any team would take risks like that in abandoning the traditional format it will be red bull and they will absolutely throw themselves into providing this. It is also likely that they decided on this very early in the season (before they started talks w either Charles or Lando) because that is also when Max changed the tune of his horn by saying he would like to have Charles as a teammate whereas last year he was like absolutely not because Charles doesn’t deserve to be second driver. So technically max revealed their departure from 1-2 strategy before red bull made it clear (around mid season). I feel like someone literally switched a mental gear in max’s head where he was like “Charles is my rival he could never be a second driver” and someone went “what about we let you be teammates and rivals at the same time” and max’s brain just short circuited

- As for Charles coming into this equation - into a team so heavily focused on max- I don’t think that’s an issue. We have seen -especially in recent weeks- that Charles seems to really get on with the rb team and has a good relationship with them so he isn’t like a complete outsider coming into a team that is resistant to having him on board. I think the most incriminating thing from lestappen gate so far (there is so much omg) is the interactions with the red bull team. Not the drivers but the rb representative in Mexico and Brad this weekend. We have been speculating on the rb Charles rumours since the start of the season and not once have we seen this happen that other teams mechanics are congratulating and interacting with another teams drivers (it’s even more incriminating because it’s red bull, like the most aggressively competitive team on the grid). Plus it just doesn’t happen, I really don’t remember ever seeing this except when an ex driver was congratulated by their previous team (checo w racing point after move to rbr and Seb w red bull after move to Ferrari). Huge bonus is that very fascinating interaction w Christian and Christian’s general tendency toward defending Charles and praising him. He really does act at times as if Charles is an rbr golden boy, I have noticed this year more than ever Christian and even GP saying “Charles” rather than “Leclerc” on the radio and it just conveys a degree of familiarity that we haven’t really seen before. It is extremely obvious to me that they want him there and have de facto adopted him.

- the rbr second seat curse literally stems from the fact that rbr, up to now, have had a 1-2 strategy where the second driver simply cannot keep up the max. They are nowhere near maxs level nor do their driving styles compliment maxs. Though checo’s defending is a really good compliment to maxs “attacking” though he just cannot keep up and with the capabilities of the rb19 and Maxs ability to absolutely send it, there is no real use in defending, also check just can’t keep up like he can’t even defend himself in midfield let alone max. He will pull one or two absolute bangers out of the bag but he cannot keep up with the pace, the intensity and the pressure especially when it comes with actually extracting everything that absolute rocket ship has to offer. I think rbr recognised this and this is another reason for them wanting two contenders 1) for showmanship and entertainment and living up to their brand as unorthodox risk takers and 2) 1-2 strategy has thus far led to a string of inadequate second drivers. Obviously Charles is a great option for a second contender driver but more so than just being able to keep up with max, he has almost the same exact driving style and car preference. Every time they talk about racing each other they always say they especially enjoy their fights because it’s always on the limit they’re always pushing each other always attacking and we know that max is aggressive in his driving style but I don’t think people really pay attention to how aggressive Charles is, he is just a bit more calculated about it (like overtaking Lewis then braking into him so tsunoda can catch up to Lewis and pick at him before speeding off whereas max would have just done a clean overtake and sped away) when there is a chance of overtake he always goes for it and does so aggressively (he just has a tendency to get bogged down when he qualifies in the mid field because he does not have the right car that is suited to his preferences enough for extraordinary overtakes). The way he drives the car also is so fascinating because it’s the same as max (look at Baku qualifying lap and look at their racing lines), they both literally throw their cars and push them to the absolute limit which is why Charles is such a quali beast because he knows how to wrench every ounce of pace out of an uncooperative tractor. Both he and max have a preference for borderline un-drivable cars that heavily lean into oversteer with a light back making the car extremely sensitive. If they were both teammates I actually believe that they would be grid terrorists- if their car would look anything like the rb19 they would take off with a 10sec gap to p3 and be battling each other for p1. If they find themselves more tightly squeezed by others (or somehow end up in midfield) they would almost intuitively work together because they know how the other drives and they most likely can predict the others moves

- About tensions on the team between two competitors, I think that is an inevitability but I really don’t think it would ever reach the type of explosiveness we have seen previously because of everything else that these analysis type of asks have said- the respect is there, tiptoeing around each other is there- wanting to please the other is there- if anything, there would be a greater inclination toward cooperation and fighting together against the others because of that special relationship between max and Charles, the performative aspect of the relationship- to prove that max and Charles are the same and that they (as a duo) are different than the rest of the grid and that it is them against the others except it would be much intensified if they were teammates by proximity and having so many opportunities to interact. It would strengthen their bond but as I have previously said, it will not remove that special aspect of their relationship.

- Also just a side note: you cannot convince me that Christian Horner, red bull and max wouldn’t be bending over backwards to ensure Charles wins in Monaco. Max wouldn’t give it to him because that wouldn’t be a win but he absolutely would punt anyone trying to challenge Charles into the bay and I just know that Christian Horner would treat his golden boys right, it would genuinely be a dream come true for him and helmut and just amazing for red bull and their image of “literally unstoppable team that snagged Ferraris star driver and have bagged the inevitable and the predestined, F1’s literal future, in one team and gave them an intercontinental ballistic missile to drive, one that would cause any other driver to bottle it into the wall because it is an otherwise un-drivable oversteery piece of work.”

In conclusion, I think teammate lestappen would be absolutely extraordinary. They would fight each other and push each other up to the edge and when one of them is about to fall the other pulls him back. Absolutely unstoppable duo and I hope that Charles has come to his sense even slightly about Ferrari that, like most dreams, it does not live up to expectations. There are clearly very ugly team politics involved and a healthy does of nepotism, complacency and riding the historical prestige wave and the unfailing loyalty of their fans.

Fingers crossed for lestappen podium today ����✨

Social-psychological anon coming into my inbox claiming they are haunting my inbox, and then proceeding to provide yet another excellent take on Lestappen, including the potential Lestappen RBR teammates.

Babe, love, darling, if this is you haunting my inbox, then I would like to be haunted for the rest of my life, please and thank you.

Social-psychological anon, I adore you more than words can say. Crossing everything I have for a Lestappen podium today. 🤞🫶

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

I AM BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST THE FUCKING WALL AND ABOUT TO CRY I'M SO FUCKING MAD I HATE ZKS I HATE ZKS I HATE ZKS

okay, now that THAT is out of the way. I hate how zutarians treat Jet. I get aang, as he is katara's canon love interest and the one she ultimately ends up with. Naturally, this would screw with zks' delusions so, yeah, I can see where the hate is coming from, I understand (though by no means do I endorse it)

BUT JET??? WTF DID HE DO?? He was never a "threat" to zk, because katara ditched the barely a day long crush on him the second she learned about his plan. Was it the fact that he (rightfully!!!) calls out iroh and zuko and is antagonistic of them for not just being fn, but for straight up being fucking ROYALS, WHOSE DIRECT ANCESTOR IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE WAR IN THE FIRST PLACE??

It doesn't matter to zks that jetara was obviously never going to be canon. It doesn't matter to zks that jet's anger is justified. It doesn't matter that jet is probably one of the most tragic characters in the whole fucking franchise, who suffers greatly from war, becomes severely traumatized, loses pretty much everything and on top of that has an "honour" to be one of the few characters who DIES ON SCREEN. It doesn't matter to zks that he's just like katara, sokka and aang - a child permanently scarred by the war.

None of this matters!! He's now a sexist (wut) prick who downplays katara's achievements, toxic, cheats on her (wut) and in some cases just straight up abusive. Basically completely takes over what is usually aang's ""role"" in zks' fewer dreams as katara's abusive ex whom zuko saves her from.

WITH MY WHOLE FUCKING HEART - FUCK ZKS. It's one thing if it's projection and something like that for the sake of smut or whatever. I'm proship, I don't give a flying fuck about 99% of the stuff I see. But this is just a disrespect to Jet's whole character. Why can't they just make up a whole new faceless dude for the role of an abusive ex? Why does it have to be one of the characters, especially ones who were never interested in katara to begin with?!?!

1 - Jet has a lot in common with Zuko, but he is still obviously not the same as Zuko - yet Katara had feelings for him, and not for the fandom's favorite moody boy (and she had WAAAAAY better chemistry with Jet than she ever did with Zuko). Can't have that.

2 - Jet HATES the Fire Nation, which is completely fair (even if his actions in his introduction episode were attrocious). And this fandom, for whatever reason, LOVES to pretend "The Fire Nation totally had a bit of a point" and "Sozin was not an evil man, he just wanted to help people, please forget that he chose to use the comet to wipe out an entire race from the face of the Earth." Jet was always going to be controversial because the fandom would take his (incorrect) way of dealing with his trauma as proof he was 100% pure, while excuse Fire Nation characters that did bad things but had a heart/tragic backstory. Double-standards at it's finest.

3 - He antagonized Iroh and Zuko, two fan favorites. This is, apparently, the worst crime one can commit. As an Azula fan, I should know.

4 - The show was not always fair to Jet either. While they redeemed and KILLED him and the Gaang was clearly upset, the only time he is ever brought up again (without it being a joke) was in the Southern Raiders, and it only mentions the awful behavior he came to regret - not his change of heart. Sure, it was not an innacurate comparison at the moment, but it's unfair that the dude DIED to prove he had changed but is never remembered for anything other than his worst action.

5 - Bryke, unfairly, said anyone who ships Zutara is doomed to have awful, failed relationships for liking such a "dark" ship. They did not like that, and thus double-down on making anyone that had any involvement with Katara be the literal devil in their fics. Unlike Aang, Jet actually DID manipulate Katara once and showed he could get violent towards people with no provocation, so they latch onto that to go "See? OUR ship is not the bad one, THIS is!" completely ignoring Jet's regret, growth, and redemption, as well as Katara's forgivenes.

Anyways, Jet isn't even among my favorite Avatar characters, but Jesus, does the fandom love to crucify that boy for things they'd absolutely forgive characters like Zuko and Iroh for.

[youremyonlyhope]

The Giggle

Final Fourteen episode*. If I've added an asterisk it means that I correctly interpreted the vague spoiler I saw and am not happy. (Edit: Yep added the asterisk.)

Anyway. I'm just glad this means we'll finally get Gatwa!Doctor. We should have had him already.

Also forgot to put this in the last post. But. Pandemonium, the world ending, people going insane, and a Toymaker. My prediction for the plot of this episode: StarKid's Black Friday.

Sorry, all I can hear is Barney Stinson. I'm sure he did a bad German accent at some point in HIMYM. I like dolls but these puppets are creepy even to me. "Sunnier climes" OH, SO HE'S A RACIST. Hey dude. Tell Baird about the human hair before it blows up. "Imagine if it could talk." No no no. Be careful what you wish for.

Something I forgot to say much much earlier. I don't know how I feel about the intense zoom-in on the TARDIS in the opening sequence. It's almost a Torchwood level of dramatic zoom.

Very carefully not showing us Wilf's face. I wouldn't have wanted Bernard present for all this chaos either though. I'm sorry. UNIT has an Avenger's Tower now? I don't like that. I liked the Tower of London. But I guess Kate wanted to make sure they definitely didn't get shut down again. I was chanting "Slap him, slap him, slap him" as Kate walked up and when she hugged him I said "Aww" in disappointment. Oh Mel! I had been vaguely spoiled of her showing up too. RTD2, I would have preferred an Old Who companion showing up in the 60th special episode that was closest to the actual 60th, but oh well I guess I should be happy we got something Old Who at all since this really was getting close to being a purely RTD focused anniversary. "The pilot declared his right to land wherever he wanted." Greaaat. Sounds like an average day here in 'Murica honestly. "Why should I care about you?" I mean look everything I've ever seen of the Tories tells me that's just what they're like anyway. What is a Vlinx and why is it here and why do we trust it? I don't trust it. Ah. Bad idea to deactivate it for even more than a couple words honestly. So is everyone just prejudiced now? Like the racist toymaker?

TRINITY WELLS!!!!! NO WAY. NO. WAY. THEY GOT MY GIRL TRINITY BACK ON MY TV!?!?!?! THAT'S MY GIRL RIGHT THERE. I LOVE HER. Ohhhh Trinity deserves the big font for that.

I've found the one bit of RTD era nostalgia that instantly gets to me. Have Trinity Wells show up. I guess this is how everyone else has felt the last few episodes. Not even Wilf got that reaction out of me. I literally just SCREAMED "Trinity Wells!" Out loud. I can't even be mad she's spewing stupidity and is "anti-Zeedex" I am just happy to see her. That's my girl.

If nothing else comes from this episode, if I don't care about anything else, I got to see Trinity Wells again. Ok that really made me so happy just now. The Trinity Wells Show. Really showing us it's her. Ahhh I love her. Seriously I'm reacting the way I probably would have reacted if they ever acknowledged Frobisher during Twelve's era. Only Martha showing up could get a bigger reaction out of me right now. Truly that was a cameo aimed at me and only me it feels like. So like the Master's network? "It's not like the old Archangel Network." Ok never mind. Oh so Rose only came out as trans 6 months ago. I WAS GONNA SAY THAT THE CHILDREN'S VOICES WE HEARD BEFORE THE TIME-SKIP WAS MY VOCAL WARMUPS. God I need to write things down when I think of them. NOOO. I THINK I KNEW ABOUT THE FIRST TV VIDEO BEING A PUPPET OR SOMETHING. THIS SOUNDS FAMILIAR. I don't mean to be That Person but the whole human race isn't connected by Internet yet. We still got uncontacted/limited contact tribes and groups all over the place. Hundreds if not thousands of people who have never seen a screen. Oh yeah! They're President of the World!

(I took way too long searching to find that specific gif. But I love that gif so much.)

"120 plus five weeks holiday." "Done." YAS GET THAT MONEY DONNA. Also find Martha to see if she's still freelance or not. "So you talk about no one. Ever." I don't mean to quote Jack Harkness, but not if they're blonde... Doctor. You are. Avoiding. Still so much Thirteen in you. NOPE. LOL at them having to use basically refurbished still images from the lost episodes. BBC, this is only the fault of your own that they're missing. I hope you two have learned from last episode to STAY TOGETHER. Rules of play. Lawless. Hmm. So the Toymaker made everyone act like kids where the world revolves around them and only them? WHAT DID I SAY. STAY. TOGETHER. Oh no he's way too light. That was way too heavy for the Doctor to lift. Who's your mummy? Not an Empty Child reference just me being convinced his mummy is going to be someone. Oh nooooo not the "mama" and the teeth. OH RECAP TIME. Is this because they know a bunch of people skipped Twelve and Thirteen and even Eleven? Oh well. At least some acknowledgement. Still wish it was in the first of the specials but ok. "Oh, well, that's all right then." Ok look Toymaker has got a point for those three "surviving" but dying. Why only reference the Flux and nothing else Thirteen went through? Part of me is upset at no mention of the Fam and Dan, not even at least Yaz since Fourteen would have seen her only days earlier, but Thirteen had a clean track record of companions surviving so it's ok. Ok NPH's using his Barney magic trick skills ok. I see you. What do you mean a jigsaw of the Doctor's history? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT. PLEASE BE A REFERENCE TO THE ORIGINAL OLD WHO EPISODE. DON'T BE A HINT THAT RTD2 IS GOING TO TRY TO RETCON THE TIMELESS CHILD. JUST LET IT BE. I'm sorry the Master is in your WHAT. "The one who waits." Amy? Rory? They both waited. "That's someone else's game." huh. Sorry, all I see is Barney Stinson even in the mannerisms. I was wondering why if they went back in time that things would still be bad in the future. Since if they fixed it in 1925 it wouldn't happen. The Toymaker wouldn't be there. But no wibbly wobbly timey wimey just a different order. They should take the little toy box. Oh good took it. Don't you dare kill of Mel right here while she's watching the box. Don't you dare. I haven't even seen any of her episodes but I swear if you kill her.... WHAT. IS. THE. VLINX. THOUGH. Hey Doctor, at least tell Kate what you're up against. I was about to say that NPH was pretty perfect casting for a role like this, then the Toymaker threw Kate into a wall and too I'm mad now. DON'T HURT MEL TOO. Oh no. Kateeee I love you I do but listen to him ok? NOW you tell her about the Toymaker. Maybe some warning next time? Eh. He can shoot it. I didn't like this new UNIT building anyway. This is very Christmas Invasion. [thud] [glass shattering] OK that was dark. Wait celestials were a thing in Do You Hear Me? right? "And yet, I have fallen in love with humanity." Really hitting the nail on the "just like the Doctor" head here. OH. WOW. OOOOOOOOOOH. Next Doctor. Oooooooooooh. "It doesn't matter who. Because every single one of you is fantastic" RTD2 that better be a purposeful Nine reference though I know it's not. Don't you dare say "I don't want to go." for the third time. "Allons-y." Ok I'll accept that.

NO. NOT AGAIN. WE ARE NOT DOING ANOTHER TEN REGENERATION FAKE OUT. NO.

"What?" No. Nope. The spoiler came true and I am not happy about it. Time to add that asterisk. No. Is he not even wearing pants? Oh but I love Gatwa as the Doctor already so much. He's here. Oh Fifteen (fine I will say the number. I think this is the first time) gets to keep the tie. I meant to say I liked the grey knit tie earlier like 2 episodes ago. And the shoes. Oh and Ten's in an undershirt, I thought the shirt multiplied somehow just to not leave Fifteen totally naked. "Someone tell me what the hell is going on here?" I am so happy to see you. Why must your first scene involve you not wearing pants though? The disrespect. "I think you're beautiful." "Do you come in a range of colors?" "Yes." I... do not know how I feel about that line. I really don't like that Fifteen has to LITERALLY share his start with Fourteen. I was saying it when Gatwa was first announced as Fourteen and then not Fourteen because then Tennant got announced. And now it's literally happening. They're sharing the lines, the scene, 1 of 3 specials. Really more like half a special if we're being generous. I really wish we had just not done this Tenthree thing at all. See even Fourteen got to say "I'm the Doctor" first while Fifteen said "And I'm the Doctor." like. Come on. At least let Fifteen have that first line. HEY. THE CAPTIONS SAY [TENTH DOCTOR] NOT FOURTEENTH. SO WHICH IS IT. WHAT IS THE TRUTH. DOES THIS NOT COUNT?

Ok seriously. Give the man some pants. Like come on.

Eeek did he have too many teeth? He looked like he had too many teeth. Flat, 2D, like Flatline? "My legions are coming." Ok and that means... Oooh I did not like that the laugh's arpeggio didn't resolve. "And bind it in salt." SO. IS THIS SALT THING. REALLY A THING NOW? REALLY? Or is it just because the Doctor mentioned the whole salt thing being the leak that let the Toymaker in? And what about mavity? There's 15 minutes. The ball fell but did it hit the ground yet? Gravity? Maybe the game didn't end? The Doctor kissed themself. Not in the way the Master did but still.

Give him some pants please.

NO. NO. NOT ANOTHER LADY WITH RED NAILS PICKING UP SOMETHING THAT HAS THE MASTER INSIDE IT. NO. SERIOUSLY RTD WHY ARE WE DOING THINGS OVER? Unless it's Dhawan!Master. Then I will accept that. I will gladly have Dhawan!Master back. BUT OTHERWISE NO. I REFUSE. Why is Fourteen explaining this to Fifteen, he should remember it since he's him. Like come on. "This is great. I think. Is it?" That was a Thirteenism right there. "One thing you need in this place is a chair." see that's the Doctor channeling Bill judging Twelve not having chairs close enough to the console. "Adric." "Adric." ADRICCCCCC. Seriously that hurts me and like I said I haven't even watched that part of Old Who. God. Stop bringing up Rose come on. OH WAIT. WAIT.

WAIT.

"I loved her. And Rose." OH MY GOD. I hate Tenrose but even I'M freaking out that the Doctor just admitted to loving Rose out loud. OH MY GOD. I mean still fanservice pandering. But FINE. Fine. Tenrose shippers take this one I'm giving it to you. I got so distracted by my annoyance at the still constant bringing up of Rose I almost missed the weight of what that meant. Still mad about the Rose-colored-glasses of the RTD era but good for you guys getting this.

Mavic Chen? Remind me to look that up it sounds really familiar. Ah, wish I didn't look it up, gotta love that 60s racism. Rehab in reverse. So you're saying we're gonna check back in on Fourteen in the future and he'll properly regenerate and/or kind of pop into existence in the moment that Fifteen bi-generated? Maybe? Hopefully? God if I had a nickel for every time RTD had a second Doctor separate from the main Doctor and had Tennant's face stay on Earth with a companion, I'd have two nickels. Don't you dare split the TARDIS too. That's too much. I assume this hammer is an Old Who reference. If so, very cute. They split the TARDIS. And Fifteen gets the second TARDIS. I can't really describe my mood besides -_- "I am so sorry." Yeah you better apologize to her. Ok that's cute the ramp. Why the jukebox though. Traditional Earth ballad? If Billie Piper shows up I'm literally stomping across the pond to RTD's house and killing him because that'll officially be Too Much. I can't even be completely happy at Gatwa's first proper TARDIS flight. "You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye were you?" Of course he was. Ask Sarah Jane. ASK SUSAN. "As if I would ever do that." At least you're self aware. Have these two been the first Doctors to hug? So Fifteen tells people he loves them. Willingly. Openly. Frequently. And a lot. I like that. (Yes Fourteen said he loved Wilf and River but shhh that was over the course of days. Fifteen has said I love you twice in like 3 minutes and was very affectionate to Mel)

Can we PLEASE put this man in some pants though!?

The little 2-finger salute from Fourteen is cute though. "The eyebrow story." TWELVE? Nope an alien species. "Oh, you're family, darling. Sit down." AWWWW. AWWWWWW MEL GETS A FAMILY. Ok. Ok that's really sweet. That's what I care about. Not even Tenthree/Fourteen getting a family. Mel gets one. Empty chair. It's for Wilf yes but let me pretend Martha's just running late to dinner ok? Ok. "I've never been so happy in my life." That's good. Fifteen really split off from Fourteen and was like "Ok you carry all the trauma and deal with it. I'm gonna keep running away."

I knew the Vlinx was voiced by Nicholas Briggs. What IS the Vlinx though? Because I really was waiting for it to be like a plant by the Toymaker.

God I can't believe we're really gonna do the same thing all over again with the Master. Like I said, if it's Dhawan!Master then I'm overjoyed. If it's another, I'm not as happy. I'm hoping that because it was the same way Simm!Master had came back as himself, it means Dhawan!Master will too. We'll see. And who grabbed the tooth this time? At least last time the ring was in a forest. I could believe someone was nearby to take it. But they're on a HELICOPTER LANDING PAD. In the secure UNIT building. Seriously who picked up the tooth?

GIVE. MY MAN. SOME PANTS. I feel so insulted that Gatwa spent all of his moments in his first episode IN HIS UNDERWEAR.

The absolute highlight of the episode was seeing Trinity Wells. Literally the most excited I've been about any of these fanservice moments. That feels like it was fanservice just aimed directly at me. As if RTD2 was like "Hope's not gonna enjoy this. What can we do? No no I'm not bringing back Martha. Oh! Trinity Wells!"

*Asterisk time! I can only hope that Fourteen is just another Tentoo and will live and die a normal human life but that's not what seems to be the case. I don't like that there's just another Doctor floating around. I had been spoiled for it. I hoped I had misunderstood the post since I hadn't properly finished reading it once I realized it was a spoiler. But I interpreted it correctly. If it ends up being that Fourteen does eventually regenerate and kind of hops back into the moment the body splits into Fourteen and Fifteen, then fine. But like. Otherwise, if there's now just a separate branch of Doctors and regenerations and then Fifteen technically has to share the title of Fifteen with whoever regenerates from this Fourteen then I will be so mad. Is this Fourteen really Fourteentoo? Or Tenfour. CAN WE JUST STOP REGENERATING INTO DAVID TENNANT AT THIS POINT. Just have him come back as Ten, he doesn't need to be three maybe FOUR different Doctors!

Oh my god. If RTD2 pulls a "Fugitive!Doctor is actually a Doctor AFTER Fourteen and regenerated and forgot everything and then met Thirteen" instead of being a pre-First Doctor then I'll actually riot. If that's the meaning of the jigsaw of their history, I'm really gonna actually riot.

Of the 3 specials. The Meep was eh. It was fine. Pure nostalgia and a nightmare fuel alien monster of the week. However, I REALLY enjoyed Wild Blue Yonder. That was right up my alley combining aspects of a lot of my favorite past episodes. And the Giggle was fine. Better than the Meep, definitely. I love Fifteen. I'm mad about the bi-generation thing. I would have preferred if after the Toymaster was gone for a bit that Fourteen got sucked back into Fifteen or something as a way of the Universe correcting itself. I'm mad that for most of Fifteen's scenes, it felt more like he was Fourteen's companion. Not the next Doctor. ALSO WHY COULDN'T WE GIVE FIFTEEN SOME PANTS PLEASE. AT LEAST IN THE LATER SCENES.

Also is it still mavity? Did Donna really just ruin all of human history with that one joke?

Oh I just started proofreading and I realize my prediction of Black Friday was wrong. I really thought the Toymaker was gonna make everyone go crazy over a puppet toy.

GIVE FIFTEEN SOME PANTS.

[vegaseatsass]

Second text post in a row before I go to my parents' just to say Laura and I finally finally finally finished Great Men Academy this afternoon, and !!!! WHAT A SHOW. I tried to type out a whole thing here but I'm getting tangled up in my own words but basically to ME it felt like pure unadulterated wish fulfillment around gender stuff, being loved and seen and accepted regardless of the shape/perceived gender of your body, in a way I def wasn't prepared for a show to just nail into so richly and joyfully. SPOILERS AFTER THIS POINT

Like my god I can't think of a better end than Tangmo/trans girl!Love? Like it IS important that Love can try again next year to wish for the body she wants because it wouldn't be hopeful otherwise, but the potential of Love and Tangmo having a year of dating where Tangmo legitimately just loves and sees the person inside any body she has and can't be shaken by any sex (or gender!) changes to come is 🧑‍🍳👌👌👌 But I also have many other ships I wanted to list very quickly!!!

Tangmo/Tangmo Huge bummer that VR!Tangmo didn't get to spend more time hanging out with his favorite person!! I was heartbroken for him!! "Hey there, handsome" is how my blorbos talk to each other in fanfiction, I mean cmon, and all VR!mo wanted was to stay by Tangmo's side. Not win the race or team up for pranks or anything else, he just wanted to sit with him and vibe. That is ship fodder if I ever saw it!

Vier/Tangmo This dynamic is ship catnip for me. If the canon wasn't so good I would be otping with all my heart and soul. Not going to start adding words but seriously some of the most emotionally impactful moments of the story for ME revolve around them and I have friends I want to rec the show to on the strength of their relationship ldkfjskldsd can you imagine. It's the Love show and here I am off in a Viermo corner.

Vier/Nuclear Now the first moment I really shipped this was when Nuclear told Vier he was disappointed in him. I was like "You're not angry you're just disappointed? D-daddy kink?" BECAUSE the one thing I didn't love in the whole show was trying to wrap Vier's annoying dad up in a bow with the rest of the happy endings, I would much prefer Vier get some real space from his dad, find his identity outside his dad, and find his daddy outside his dad in a pink-haired junior who used to worship him. But also esp w/ trans girl Vier (ESP w/ happily fat trans girl Vier) via @syzyg3tic's headcanons and the way Nuclear is w/ the ladies, oh man, please let us manifest this in their future

Love/Rose TELL ME MORE. SHOW ME MORE. GIVE ME MORE. You gave me a crumb and I gobblesnorfdevoured that crumb like a luscious feast and now you want me to just move on? Je refuse.

Trans girl!Vier/not cis!Rose The best end for the two of them honestly. Vier wished to be over Rose but wouldn't it be really in keeping with the gender unicorn's style of doing stuff to not actually CHANGE his underlying emotions but just give Vier some time and space to be normal around Rose until they both fully self-actualize genderly, and the relationship between them suddenly looks refreshed and untread.

Vier/Nanai the mpreg guy from Girl from Nowhere I stand by the belief that Vier should help Nanai parent his baby. I came to this belief before I knew the full deal about Vier's father and now that I do know that deal I can't think of anything more suitable or joyfully redemptive for both of them, they are MFEO frankly Honorable mentions for

Love/You: I'm still mad they didn't demonstratively fake date with LOTS of PDA and it would be funny to have sibling/sibling double dates

Nuclear/Love: THEY WERE ALWAYS CUTE AFFFF and I love to see him continue to treat her like the bro-est bro, like Menn stop being weird a girl can be a bro and she is ours. It just does my heart good

Oh final note: Someone please talk to me about the worldbuilding in this show one day soon. I am bewitched bothered and bewildered. Was the unicorn narrating the reality tv show the entire time? What is the unicorn's relationship with spoiler the statue director?? What are the implications of a world with this level of VR and also unicorns -

[sorceress-queen]

Arthur x Morgana [ArMor]

Morgana doesn't like it that Arthur spent the afternoon with somebody else on her birthday. However, Arthur is ready to make it up to her by giving her a gift. Just pure fluff tbh. 💕 This is kinda pre series I think.

She should not be jealous. She knows this, and yet she spends the day inside her room, sulking while standing by her window hoping to catch a glimpse of Arthur. She taps her fingers against her arm as she continues to stare out the window wondering who is more important than her on this day to Arthur.

"Morgana?" She hears Arthur and listens to his steps grow closer and closer to her, but she keeps on ignoring him; he deserves this. Morgana assures herself after catching his expression in the reflection of the window; she must not fold.

"I am sorry for missing riding out with you this afternoon." She merely nods in acknowledgment, but this is not what she is mad about, it is part of it yes, but not the whole truth.

"I'd like to make it up to you if you let me." He speaks up again, encouraged by her reaction to his apology, which is better than a simple death glare.

"But I need to cover your eyes first." He shows the red cloth in his hand to her, and while she rolls her eyes at him, she still allows him to tie it and cover her eyes. "No cheating." He jokes but she only huffs in response.

Arthur gently takes her arm in one hand while he rests the other on her back as he leads her out of her chambers and down the stairs. In retrospect, he could have waited to put the blindfold on her.

"Alright, I'll take it off now." He says next to her ear, the hand from her back sliding up to untie the cloth. He grins down at her as he points to the white horse in front of them.

"Happy Birthday, Morgana." He furrows his brows together as Morgana doubles over in laughter. He looks at her and then at the horse and the groom holding the reins. What has gotten her in such a mood?

"You went to get a new horse for me today, didn't you, Arthur?" She asks as she affectionately caresses the horse's neck. Arthur has never wanted to be in the place of an animal as much as he does now while watching Morgana nuzzle against the horse and whisper in their ear.

"Yes, this is why I couldn't go riding with you earlier, but we can go now." He offers and takes the reins from the groom, asking him to prepare his horse for the ride.

"Thank you," She smiles at him as she moves over and pecks his cheek. Having her own horse meant that she wouldn't have to ask for Uther's permission to use one of his whenever she wished to go for a ride (although she often skipped the asking for permission part and just borrowed a horse).

"Of course, it was time for you to have a horse of your own and stop stealing mine." She nudges his side at that and laughs along with him.

"I believe your horse preferred me over you, I am better at riding than you." She teases him, and that gets her a nudge from Arthur and a roll of his eyes accompanied by a grumble that she can't decide the nature of.

"Let's race!" She suggests when the groom brings Arthur's horse. Arthur nods and offers to help Morgana up on her horse, better he than another man. She accepts his help, but only because of the number of layers her current dress has. He does not mind it, chuckling as he helps arrange the skirts so that she may ride comfortably and safely.

Morgana waits until he is halfway up his horse before she instructs hers to gallop away.

"Morgana!" He yells after her, huffing to himself about how she is such a cheat, but smiling regardless as he rides after her and watches her hair tumble down her back. He wouldn't have her be any other way.

[unnaturalequilibrium]

Vätternrundan 2023

I've done this twice now and I can easily say it's turned into one of my favourite things. It's a 315 kilometre long bike race around a lake. At a maximum you have 28 hours and 30 minutes to finish. From 7:30 pm on the Friday throughout the night and into the Saturday morning you have groups of riders starting every two minutes and the cut off for the finish-line is midnight Saturday. So depending on how long you think it will take you pick a starting time when you sign up and then you do your best. This year I started a little after 5 am and finished ten minutes past 7 pm.

I’m trying to distil down into words what it is about this that I love so much and it’s not one simple thing, it’s that combination of several really cool things. From a purely personal point of view I fucking love the challenge. It is a long fucking distance to cycle in one go and it’s a pretty challenging course. After you’ve done around 200 kilometres there is a stretch of around 50 kilometres that is pretty much a continuous uphill and that is both so incredibly challenging mentally and physically. If you haven’t kept up with nutrition and hydration throughout the first sections then those hills will kick your butt so fucking hard. This year it was pretty warm throughout the entire night/day and I think it reached around 28 degrees Celsius. That shit took it’s toll on your body, it was hard to get as much liquid and salts into you that you needed (I made the mistake of wearing an all black cycling kit, I looked like a zebra due to all the salt stains when I finished). And then there’s the mental side, because when you got to those sections there were so many people who either got off their bikes, or were resting by the side of the road waiting to be picked up by the support cars because they simply didn’t have it in them to finish. That fucks with you, because if they can stop, why shouldn’t you? You’re hurting and it’s hard, so why shouldn’t you too get off your bike and just stop? But somehow there is such a fucking kick in getting those devil horns of yours out and keep pushing, just keep fucking pedalling. There are loads of spectators all along the course and they usually do the whole “you can do it!” and “you’re looking strong!” etc, but my absolute favourite was an old man in a beach chair in a very relaxed and reassuring voice as we were mid-through some of the worst climbs simply telling us “it’s good, you’re grinding, keep grinding”. There was just something about his tone that hit perfectly, no big rah-rah, just keep grinding and you’ll get there. And I did.

That’s the other part I love about it though, the spectators. Last year we started around 4 am and it was pouring down rain, still even then there were people along the road cheering us on and it’s...it’s kinda of cool. This year the weather was so much better and I lost count of the number of houses and farms you rode past where they’d pulled out tables and chairs and were having parties alongside the road, blasting music and cheering the riders on. There’s a Hallelujah hill with some church holding sermons and then there’s Karaoke farm where they keep blasting Eurovision songs and singing along loudly and off key. It’s just a mad fucking trip across the countryside and it’s – mad and fun.

But the thing that really gets under my skin and makes me a little high are the people doing the race. Because this is not something that is locked behind some kind of elitist mindset. This is a “race” for everyone (I keep calling it a race, but it isn’t, it doesn’t have a winner, there’s no price money, it’s just for fun). There are professionals for sure, but then there is every other kind of person you can think of to. A staple of the race has become an old man who now is in his seventies who’s ridden, I think every year, the race has been on, and he rides in a pair of worn jeans, on an old bike with 3 gears and in the front basket he’s got a old school boombox for company.

At the last stop I chatted away with a group doing a charity ride, at that point I was fucking pooped and had been going at it for almost 13 hours, but it got put into perspective as I heard about their journey and how they were closing in on 24 hours on the go. But my favourite thing was that the thing they thought was hardest was going to the portaloos in the middle of the night with no lights in them, trying to wrestle in and out of bike clothes. That mentality, I fucking love it.

It might sound mad, but I love it so much even though parts of it are really hard mentally and physically. I already know I’m going to sign up for next year again (that was something decided as the day after we finished). It didn’t matter that my knees felt like those of a geriatric and that my hands were well blistered or my left butt cheek suffered some serious chaffing - I was ready to start training for next year.

The feeling of accomplishment, happiness and knowing you will take on and finish a challenge – yeah, I might not be doing this in my seventies, but I get that man. I really do. And who knows, one year at a time I guess.

And if you're contemplating doing mad shit like this come talk to me and I'll persuade you it's absolutely something you have to do.

[spacemonkeysalsa]

Raidne I love you

I caved and downloaded a bunch of mods, basically because I have this D&D character I want to RP, but my current campaign is still on-going so it's going to have to wait. So, in the meantime, I will RP her in BG3.

Here is my modded-to-the-hells tav. Name: Raidne

Class: Artificer / Guild Artisan

Age: 30

Race: Cambion I swear my intentions are pure, I am not one of those D&D players trying to break the game.

Backstory: Typical half-fiend sob story, her mother was a Gondian and her father is an Incubus named Harleep who she met exactly once when he took her from Toril to go serve in the hells like a good little cambion.

Below the cut is where I dumped my notes, in case I take a break from this game and have to come back to it later and try to remember what the deal was. Generally, the base game narrative doesn't break immersion much, even with the mods, and when that does happen, I'm rewriting those scenes to make it make sense for my RP madness, because it's a game and I can do what I want:

Raidne grew up in about as supportive a mortal household as you can expect, meaning they didn't immediately cast her into the hells or just leave her in the wilderness to die, but raised her in a cautious household. Big family, a mixture of gnomes and humans, and then this one cambion. Like most cambions raised in Toril, she was naturally disposed to mischief growing up, and disciplined pretty harshly as a result. She was also largely ostracized by her peers, and had nobody apart from her incredibly stubborn family, who did love her, but also were kind of out to prove that she wasn't destined to become a evil bastard just because she was a half-fiend bastard, and her relationship with them was always strained because of the pressure they put on her to basically be perfect in order to make up for their own prejudices. She did like to get into trouble, especially when she was young, and she was not blind to the fact that she always received harsher punishments than anyone else for similar offences. Eventually, around the same time that Harleep did whatever it was that got him into enough trouble to become the personal Incubus to a cambion, her existence was discovered in the hells and she was inducted into service at Harleep's suggestion. When it came time for him to perform a very secret favor to an archdevil who is not within the hierarchy he's current under, the fact that he had a secret half-fiend Artificer daughter to offer up, was pretty convenient for him. To keep her people safe, Raidne went quietly and, similar to Karlach began service in the hells against her will, and more like Dammon, was employed not as a soldier, but as an Artificer. Her seven years in the hells was mostly monotonous and lonely, rather than tortuous and harrowing. She did good work, kept to herself, and made zero attempts to escape until she saw the nautiloid, at which point, she made the admittedly impulsive decision to make a run for it. And she absolutely did not think this through, and if she had, might never have escaped hell at the risk of being infected with a mind flayer parasite.

It was bad in hell, and she's glad she's not there any longer, but her prospects in Toril aren't great either. She doesn't want to return to her family, as she believes they are better off mourning her than knowing her again. Some part of her is actually grateful for the infection and this unexpected quest to find a cure, because it gives her something to do while in the back of her mind, she tries to figure out where she should go from here. Where can she go? She's legitimately never thought about it before, even to dream. She's always just taken it for granted that she has no real home.

She doesn't belong anywhere, and that's not going to change just because she saves the swordcoast.

Her state of mind at the beginning of Act One is a mixed-bag. She's excited and elation at (really for the first time in her life) being free to do as she likes, and honestly finds everyone she meets to be utterly delightful. She has a lot of internalised hatred for herself as a cambion, and is especially mistrustful of other cambions, so just the fact that she's in the company of people who she deems as automatically less evil and more trustworthy means she has a somewhat warped view of all her companions as these sweet innocent people who are all at least initially totally worthy of her unconditional trust. She's also not at all feeling all her feelings right now though, somewhat on purpose. If she didn't have something to do, she'd probably be sinking into despair, and when things get very quiet, that's exactly what happens. In order of recruitment - Lae'zel: Her first impression of Lae'zel is that this is the coolest person she's ever met. And she's so nice. She's always saying exactly what she means and she's never trying to trick you (which is what Raidne considers nice) unlike a lot of soldiers, Lae'zel just relies on her pure might, and she's so strong, and dramatic and smart. Raidne is baffled when other people describe Lae'zel as unlikable, or harsh, or rude. She views Lae'zel as honest and objectively correct most of the time. Genuinely wants to go straight to the creche, but gets very distracted by the tiefling refugees for reasons discussed below.

Shadowheart: Immediately picks up on the vibe of her being a worshipper of some dark god and then just as immediately forgets about it, because nothing could possibly matter less to Raidne than the gods. Shadowheart is only marginally less cool than Lae'zel, by virtue of not liking Lae'zel. She would describe Shadowheart as "sweet" and "sensitive" and is genuinely shocked when Shadowheart starts to elaborate on her extensive knowledge of psychological torture. Rather than these new revelations changing her view of Shadowheart, she actually just comes to respect her more as someone who is shrewd, knowledgeable and dangerous, while still being capable of deep empathy. Astarion: Meeting Astarion is really uncomfortable for Raidne because she finds him relatable in all the sad ways. And the fact that he's on his guard and assumes that they are mind flayer thralls causes her to realizes that this is actually a really rational thought to have and she should have had it herself before she just up and joined with the first people she met. It causes her to reflect on the fact that she might be a little too eager to form a crew, and maybe her isolation for the past seven years (read, her whole life, actually) has made her ill-equipped to judge people. She spirals a bit as a direct result of this first encounter and doesn't really start to know Astarion as a person for a couple of days, which is also why she doesn't pick up on the fact that he's the platonic ideal of a vampire and not at all subtle about any of it. Also, she absolutely noticed he had no reflection, but didn't think about it much, because she's very used to people just sometimes not having a reflection, due to hell lore. She feels incredibly stupid when Astarion tries to bite her and she finally, FINALLY figures it out. She's actually not even a little bit mad at that point, because she's too preoccupied being disappointed in herself to really feel any actual betrayal.

Gale: Gale is the first person she meets who makes a cure seem like a truly viable outcome, and she takes a lot of strength from his confidence and expertise. Unfortunately, this first impression of him is a high point in their Act One relationship. She quickly starts to distrust him and his judgement because a) she picks up on the fact that he implicitly trusts her, which she thinks he should not do because she in no way knows what she's doing, and is a half-fiend, who trusts a half-fiend? and b) she can tell he's hiding something, and guesses that it's big enough to threaten the people around him. She's torn between wanting him to come clean about it, and also not wanting to know, in case it's bad enough that they "can't be friends anymore."

Karlach: Raidne has a weird relationship with tieflings, almost infantilizing. She recognizes that there's a lot of similarities not just visually, but in how the stigma of cambion bad behaviour has affected them, though they are much closer to mortals than a half-fiend like herself. She experiences a similar uncomfortable moment of self-reflection when she meets Karlach, but because she just went through this with Astarion, she's a little quicker to shrug it off and see Karlach, and then she immediately bonds with her, much, much more quickly than with any of the other companions. She's very protective of her, and determined to see her succeed, and she does actually have just enough self-awareness to realize that she might be vicariously working through some stuff when it comes to her new bff Karlach. She also feels some type of way about the fact that she can't personally help Karlach with her engine, and makes getting Dammon's help priority number one.

Wyll: Because she's so protective of Karlach, Raidne's impression of Wyll is pretty bad, but she takes a moment, and takes a deep breath and sees how Karlach understands him, so she makes an effort to understand him too, and really means it when she tells Karlach that he's the best of them. His transformation almost serves as a second first impression for her, as she completely forgets her initial anger and disgust and instead embraces him as a devil, much more like herself now, and wishes he see himself the way she does. She's also completely blown away by the idea of this young person going off on his own, being left to his own devices and making the choice to be his own person and live up to his own ideals, even with a Mizora shaped anchor making it difficult for him. She finds him genuinely inspiring and decides as a direct result of their conversations, that no matter what, she'll never serve the hells or anyone working for that system again.

This will be challenged later.

[proserpina-magnus]

Yay your requests are open! 😄 Could you pleeeease write a Dom poly!marauders (no Peter) x sub!reader, where it’s a new-ish relationship between the 4 and the reader breaks her first rule, leading to her first punishment and they can all see she’s nervous so they are soft!doms during (you can decide the rule she breaks and the punishment🙊) and the aftercare they give her 🥺

Yes absolutely, it’s kinda rough and I didn’t realize how lengthy it was! This is actually not that good and the aftercare could be better but I hope you like it!

First Punishment’s (R.L, J.P, S.B)

Reader: fem (she/her)

Word count: 2.6

Warning: swearing, rule breaking, spanking, bratty reader (sorta), d/s (sorta heavy?) Remus is the main dom, safe words are definitely in place, lots of aftercare and praises, reader becomes a cry baby super fast, soft doms, Sirius actually doesn’t show up that much and that sucks :(

p.s: my bad spelling also plays a role in this!

There were only a few solid rules the Marauders had set for you, no back talk, no touching yourself sexually without permission, and always thank them when they give you something. They had a few smaller rules specifically for themselves, such a James saying you can’t cuss while Sirius allows it. Remus has to approve your outfit before going out to hogsmeade. Sirius, surprisingly, doesn’t have many rules other than the main ones.

It must have been a bad day or you just felt bratty, because you had been tempting their rules all day. You had gone out to hogsmeade with your dorm mates, not checking with Remus about your outfit. When you returned, a bag full of honey duke treats, you got stopped by Remus in the hallway. He shoo’d your dormmates away, an eyebrow raised with his hands crossed over his chest.

You shrunk slightly, fiddling with the edge of your rather small skirt that Sirius had gifted to you just days ago.

“Bun, did you forget to do something?” He asked and you nodded. Yet you and Remus both knew you had done it on purpose.

“What did you forget?”

“To check with you,” you mumbled, distracting yourself with flattening the fabric of James jumper you had stolen.

“To check with me about what?”

“M’outfit,” you whispered and you caught Remus's stern look and spoke up. “M’outfit sir,”

“mmh,” was all he said, giving you an opportunity to apologize to him properly. You dug through your bag, taking out a chocolate bar you had gotten him.

“But I went to get you guys sweets!” You excused yourself, pushing the chocolate in Remus's hand. Remus shook his head, taking the chocolate. “Alright, I’ll let you off this time. But no matter what your excuse is, it doesn't mean you can go around flaunting your ass to Hogsmeade, understand?”

“I’m not flaunting my ass!” You exhaled quickly, pushing down your skirt as you began to get offended. Remus raised his eyebrow, “I’m sorry?” And you grew quiet. Real quiet.

“Hey lovely,” you heard James call from behind you, you had turned around to see him race down the hall and swing an arm around your waist, a big smile on his face.

“What’s the issue?” James got the tension and Remus motioned for you to explain yourself.

“Went to hogsmeade without checking my outfit with Remus,” you whispered rudely, James raised an eyebrow as he didn’t quite catch it.

“Hm? Speak up poppet,” he said, and you sighed and said it again louder this time.

“Oh let her off this one time Remus, she must have forgotten,” James defended you, rubbing your back so you knew he was on your side.

“I was,” Remus started, irking slightly as he recalled how you talked back. “But instead she told me off for my offer,”

James grew confused, looking down at you. “Love, that’s not true is it?” He asked, pinching your cheek and you pushed his hand away. You thought he was on your side.

“Remus said I was flaunting my ass! I wasn’t! And even if I was, what's the problem with that? I’ll flaunt my ass whenever I want!” You huffed, another small rule broke at your words. Remus rolled his tongue over his teeth, James folding his arms over his chest. Oh dear lord, you were in for it now if you kept going.

“This isn’t far, it’s 2 against one,” you pointed out as you now realized James wasn’t on your side. You copied them, crossing your arms over your chest.

“It wouldn’t have been 2 against one if you didn’t break a rule,” Remus reminded you, you grew frustrated.

“Well I don’t like your stupid rules,” you stated, now you began to get worried. Why did you keep talking, it wasn’t too late for you to apologize and say you were sorry.

“Up to our dorm,” James said roughly and grasped your elbow, you shook him off and stepped back. “No I don’t wanna,” you said and they both let out a laugh.

“Come on, we’re not asking again,” Remus said, you felt your nerves jitter. You’ve never been punished before and the worry began to build quickly.

“No,” you said, shaking your head as you took another step back. Your back hit a person and you cursed yourself. Without turning around, you knew it was Sirius. But hopefully, you prayed he was on your side. Sirius must have read your thoughts, because he quickly said a “they’re right bun, you know if you break a rule you get punished,”

You frowned, huffing out as you realized there wasn’t a chance to escape now. “Fine,” you muttered, pulling away from Sirius as you began to walk down the hall to the portrait. They followed behind, Remus shaking his head.

You stopped at the portrait, arms still crossed over your chest as they said the password and led you upstairs to their dorm. With the thud of the door being closed, you felt the need for a meltdown.

They hadn't discussed what kind of punishment went with each rule, they hadn’t thought they wouldn't need to punish their good girl. James had insisted you would never break a rule, but apparently he was wrong.

They picked up that you were worried, but they couldn’t just let it slide, you’d think that breaking rules was okay and that you could get away with it.

You walked over and set your bag down on James' dresser, sitting down on his bed, hands still folded over your chest.

“Okay, cool off,” James said and walked over to you. “I want you to know we aren’t punishing you while mad, that’s not how this is going to work,” he stated, and Remus nodded.

“We honestly hadn’t planned out a punishment, we thought you would be good,” Sirius said, that hurt. “I am good!” You replied, upset at the fact they didn’t think you were good.

“Hey, you’re not on thin ice anymore missy, I’d watch what you say if I were you,” Remus snapped and you went quiet with a frown.

“We know you’re a good girl,” James soothed over, giving a glare to Sirius. “That’s not what he meant,”

You began to open your mouth for a snappy comment, maybe even going as far as to call James dumb, but you closed your mouth and stayed silent. “Okay,” you nodded, “I understand,”

“You know why we have to punish you?” Sirius asked, and you nodded. “Say it, we want to know that you know what you did was wrong,”

“I broke a rule, well two rules,”

“Two rules?” Sirius questioned, he had missed the start of the backlash. “She went out to Hogsmeade without my permission for her outfit,” Remus cleared up.

“technically she actually broke three,” James said, your eyes opened as you looked over at him. How could he? You felt the need to cry, they seemed really upset. Who knew you would hate them being upset at you so much?

“Three?” You questioned in pure confusion.

“You cussed, you know I don’t like that,” James explained with a hand on your thigh, you nodded in defeat. “It’s alright, bun,” he kissed your cheek.

“James, don’t encourage that she can break your rules,” Remus advised and your shoulder slumped at the fact this wasn’t a time for you to get praises.

“Alright, let’s discuss punishments, she’s scared I don’t like that,” Sirius said and sat opposite of you, Remus took a seat on the chair by James dresser.

“You want us to list some?” James asked, “we won’t do anything without your permission,” he explained and rubbed your knee, you sighed but was a bit confused.

“You can use your safe word any time you feel unsafe, even during punishments. We never want you to be scared of us, okay?” Remus said, rubbing your cheek and you nodded. You leaned your face in his palm, you wanted to soak up all the affection before your punishment.

“We need clarification, you understand bun,” Sirius said, you opened your eyes when Remus pulled his hand away. “I understand, I can use my safe word whenever I need to, even during punishments,” you nodded along, slowly the nerves began to settle.

“Good girl,” James praised, “don’t think we’re going to praise you during punishments either, but since it’s your first time we’ll be more understanding,” Remus explained and you nodded.

“Alright, what about spanking? Not letting her cum for a certain amount of time? Degrading?” Sirius rushed out the ones off the type of his head, your stomach flipped at the word spanking.

They discussed punishments in front of you for a few minutes, some making you worry and others you nodded along like you’d enjoy it. You didn’t know why, but hearing them talk like you weren’t even there was making you feel dizzy.

“What about a simple time out? I don’t want to go all out for her first punishment, I don’t want her to be scared,” James said, rubbing your back gently.

“Let’s make her pick, that way she has control over the first punishment,” Remus said, looking away from Sirius as he kept his eyes on you. “We’ll let you pick this time, but don’t think you’ll get to pick the next time you break a rule,” he explained and you nodded.

“No punishment,” you choose and Sirius laughed, kissing your forehead. “That’s not how it works bunny,” he began and you sighed. You thought for another minute, spanking couldn’t be bad could it?

“I guess spanking,” you nodded, Remus nodded but James wasn’t so sure. “I don’t know, I still think we should give her a time out, maybe even not let her speak for a day or so,” James said, Sirius didn’t agree.

“She wants to be spanked, we’ll spank ‘er,” Sirius said, patting your thigh.

“The whole point of a punishment is that we don’t do what she wants, it’s not a punishment if she likes it,” James explained, you began to worry again.

“I don’t wanna do something scary,” you say, you thought about the discussion of the things you definitely didn’t want to do at the first of your relationship. Were they going to do something that was past your boundary? At the thought alone, you began to sob.

“James look what you did, you’re scaring her,” Sirius rolled his eyes as he took you in his arms, shushing you gently as he rubbed your back.

“M’don’t wanna do things past my boundary,” you sobbed, they all softened at the miscommunication. “Oh no poppet, we would never go past your boundary, that’s not what a punishment is,” James sighed, you sniffled and pulled back, wiping your eyes. “No?”

“Of course not,” Remus clarified, “like we said, safe words can be used during any moment you feel unsafe, do you need to use it now? We can postpone the punishment until you’re ready,”

You shook your head, “no, the faster the punishment is over the faster I can be your good girl again,” you whispered.

“That’s right, just focus on that huh? We’ll be so proud of you for taking the punishment like a good girl,” Sirius said, looking over at James and Remus. They all agreed and you wiped your cheeks.

“Okay but how many spanks? And how hard?” You asked, they all thought for a moment, james and Sirius looking over at Remus for the final answer.

“20 or so? That seems fair,” Remus states and the latter agree, you felt confident with being able to handle 20. “But how hard?” You asked, James stood you up and you felt a hard smack against your ass. You yelped, hand going over to rub the now red skin.

“Does that count as one?” You question, Remus was about to say no but Sirius caught him off. “Might as well,” he states, “who’s giving the punishment? Cant be me cause I’ll enjoy it too much,”

“I want James,” you say, but James shakes his head. “You upset Remus' earlier love, I’ll give you 10 and Remus will give you the other,” he says, looking over at Remus to see if he agrees. The taller boy nodded.

After a few minutes of questioning, you had situated yourself on James lap. Sirius laid on his bed, clear view of your now exposed ass (James had previously risen your skirt and pushed down your panties). You took a deep breath, Remus explaining once again that you could use your safe word whenever you needed.

With the first official smack, you sucked in a breath. There was a certain excitement about it, even the boys felt their heart race as James abused your soft flesh with a couple more smacks. Your skin red on both cheeks, James even went as far as to hitting the low of your thigh.

After the tenth smack, you had begun to let tears slip past your waterline. Sniffling as you sat up and moved to sit in Remus' lap. Once sprawled out, you whispered a small choked out “okay” for Remus to continue where James left off.

Remus’s spanks we’re harder than James, by the fourth you had become a whimpering mess. Your apologies for misbehaving leaked out every smack, it was like dominos. Your skin felt raw to the touch, the spanks stung.

Remus applied the last smack quickly, Sirius sitting up as James fell to his knee beside the bed, stroking your hair. “You did such a good job, poppet, made us so proud,” James whispered as Sirius passed Remus some cream.

Your face deep in the sheets, sobs admitting loudly as you feel the cool cream get rubbed into your hot skin. Sirius rubbed your leg, Remus finished and flipped your skirt down to hide your reddened ass.

“Look at that, you took your first punishment so good,” Sirius said, Remus helped you sit up as you wrapped your arms around his collar.

“M’so so sorry, never break a rule again,” you sobbed, vowing to never receive another punishment. Even though they knew a punishment was necessary, they felt their hearts stop at the sound of your cry.

“Oh baby, shh. Let’s get you some candy from your bag,” Sirius says, grabbing the honey duke's bag as he rummages through it. Remus guides you away from his neck, sitting you down in his lap. You hissed, the contact not feeling good on your abused behind.

James had opened a water bottle for you, pushing in a straw and holding it for you to drink. You nodded your thanks and shakily took it, sipping it graciously. Your eyes were puffy and red, James wiped your face with a tissue, cleaning your mascara from your cheeks.

Sirius had opened a pack of peppermint patties for you, you chewed on it gently and leaned against Remus’s back. After they got you calmed down, the praises had been never ending.

“Look at you, took your first punishment so well,”

“Good girl, best sub we will ever have, hm?”

“Took the spanks so well didn’t she, prongs?”

“She’s such a good girl, don’t you think moony?”

You felt dizzy at their compliments, nodding as they all came tumbling in at once. Sirius had begun brushing your hair, James kissing your cheeks to make you laugh.

“So proud of you poppet,” James whispered in your ear, you wrapped your arms around his neck as he picked you up.

“Let’s go run you a bath and soothe your skin hm? Then will bring you dinner and you can rest with us tonight,” James said, stepping into the bathroom.

“Okay, I’d like that,” you nod tiredly, resting your head on James' chest. Maybe being bratty wasn’t so bad.

—

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[thesolferino]

Hell On Earth

⤷ dream x f!reader.

⤷ genre: fluff

⤷ word count: 3.2k

⤷ requested: yes, by this lovely anon!

— summary: you barge into clay’s office to complain about his broken air conditioner, unaware that he’s streaming.

Florida was hell.

You liked to say it as a joke, during October when the rest of the world was freezing, during December when the insane temperatures finally went back under control, and the sun granted you its blessing of a refreshing gust of wind every now and then. You liked to say it as a joke, mostly, but God, did you mean it whenever summer would creep around the corner and you’d get reminded of why you told your boyfriend so often that the devil must’ve left hell, came down to America, and bought himself a nice penthouse in Florida.

It lived up to its title of the hottest state in the US, by far, considering the hellish temperatures that constantly made you dizzy whenever June rolled around. You had great air conditioning in your apartment, though, and as soon as the sun started burning skin, plants, water, and everything in its way, you and your college roommate would lounge at your place as the air conditioner blew cold wind and thank the lord (and the person who invented AC, bless his heart) for providing you with at least one blessing during these trying times.

So, of course that as soon as summer came about, your air conditioning conveniently broke.

Your roommate was out of the apartment within two days, flying to her family in Wisconsin, bidding you farewell as she left you to cook like a raw chicken in your shared apartment. Thankfully, you had a boyfriend - and what a boyfriend he was.

You don’t like to brag, but at these moments, you feel grateful to the universe and whoever else is looking over you for providing you with a rich boyfriend, with quite a big, echo-y house, and air conditioning made of pure heaven. As soon as your roommate packed your bags, you packed yours too, - if one backpack filled with makeup, your laptop, meds, underwear and hopes that he’d let you steal all of his clothes could count as “bags” - locked the apartment and left, ready to leave the AC on snowman temperature for two days minimum and ignore all his complaints.

Bad luck seemed to follow you everywhere, though, because you were there for merely three days when the air conditioning started stuttering.

You were sprawled on the cold sheets of his bed, listening to the low hum of the AC as you scrolled through your phone, his white T-shirt sticking to your back, the cold air cooling the sheen of sweat that covered your body, leaving goosebumps all over. One of your fingers started lazily petting Patches’ stomach, and you could faintly hear Clay talking in the background, the sounds coming from his office.

“Thank you for the gifted subs! Um, yeah, it’s really hot here, I can barely, like, breathe in here. I have the AC on at highest, but all it’s doing is giving me a headache. Even-even my water bottle is completely hot.” You heard him rant and chuckled, turning on your side and continuing to scroll through random videos.

You sort of tuned out his talking, knowing he’d most likely be cooped up in that office for hours before your shared dinner, and started watching random YouTube videos, ignoring your surroundings as you shoved your earbuds in your ears. 

The longer the videos lasted, the more you felt like you were suffocating. The heat crawled up on you slowly, sneakily, almost unnoticeable yet undeniably there, hand made up of pure fire gripping at your throat tighter and tighter. It started off seamlessly, with you rolling around, trying to find a new cold spot on the sheets, to pulling at the shirt, trying to create cold air to soothe you, to wiping the sweat that basically covered your entire forehead, when your eyes finally peeled away from your phone and you realised you were basically choking in the heat, feeling like you’re breathing fire. 

You lift your head off the bed way too quickly, head pounding, and look at the one thing meant to save you from this madness - just to see it leaking water down the wall, barely coughing out any air. Your head miserably falls back down on the bed, hands rubbing at your face, dangerously close to both crying and screaming in distress. After a few moments of self-wallowing, you get up and make your way over to your boyfriend’s office, being met with nothing but silence as you walked to it, happy he ended the stream so you could complain and wail to him, possibly cool down using the AC in his office. 

You slam the door open, seeing him hunched over in his gaming chair, Minecraft open as usual, and as soon as he takes one headphone off, turns around and sends a surprised but oddly panicked gaze your way, you start ranting.

“Babe, you won’t believe what just happened.” you said, rubbing a hand over your face again, eyes closing as you feel the coldness - in comparison to the living hell that was his bedroom right now - of the room wash over you. You don’t even let him speak before you continue.

“The fucking AC in your bedroom just broke. It’s leaking right now.”

Clay looks like he wants to say fifteen words at once, and the first one that comes out is: “What?”

“I swear. I was watching something on my phone, and I realised it’s crazy hot, so I looked up and realised it’s broken. Why does this happen to me!” you complained, and he tried pulling his headphones off for a second but instead pulled the cord out of the computer entirely, letting you hear everything that goes on in his headphones.

It’s silent for a second or two, before you hear a familiar voice.

“Dream.” you hear a British man with an awfully posh accent speak, and your eyes meet Clay’s in pure horror and realisation, when you slap a hand over your mouth. He looks as equally terrified as you, but also disappointed, because oh, that’s why he looked so panicked when you stormed in.

Then you hear another voice, equally British, but higher pitched. They laugh. “Is that Drista?”

Clay seems to snap back into reality, turning around towards the computer and adjusting his mic before speaking. “No- it’s- Tommy she said babe, why would Drista call me babe?”

“You’re so stupid, he was trying to help you.” You hear his long-time friend, Sapnap, deadpan, and you can practically feel all of them freaking out, while you stand in the doorway in horror, cheeks heating up despite the fully working AC.

Another laugh. “No, I wasn’t, I was genuinely asking. Why- Sapnap, why would I be helping Dream?” 

“Dream, you are so stupid.” you hear George laugh into his mic and your boyfriend immediately starts stuttering, trying to defend himself.

“How-how am I stupid?! She’s the one who walked in, what was I supposed to do?” you lean against the doorway as he defends himself, head buried in one of your hands.

“Mute!” you hear Sapnap borderline yell, almost mad. 

“Wait- I don’t get what’s going on- Does Big D have a girlfriend?” you hear the British boy, Tommy, ask, and all of them go silent for a few seconds before a loud, screeching laugh breaks out through the speakers, and when Clay turns around to look at you, all you can do is mouth an apology as you almost break out into laughter at how ridiculous the whole thing is.

“Oh my God, chat is going crazy right now.” George says while Tommy is laughing his lungs out in the background, still.

“Did you actually- did she actually- oh my GOD, Dream has a girlfriend! I can’t believe this!” Tommy keeps on laughing, coughing between sentences. “Dream stans, I am so sorry, this must be just a terrible, terrible day for you all.” 

“You’re probably already trending on Twitter, dude.” Sapnap adds, sounding more worried than your own boyfriend did at the moment.

“It was bound to happen at some point, I guess.” he huffs out, turning around to look at you every so often, gesturing for you to close the door and come in, which you did, guilt weighing you down as you moved.

“Are you serious? Can I- Can I speak to your girlfriend, Dream?” you can practically hear the grin in the boy’s voice and Clay doesn’t even turn to you before replying.

“No, you can’t.” 

“Oh, come on! You let me speak to your mum but not your girlfriend? Just for a little bit, please? I just- I just wanna see which lucky woman managed to get the attention of the Minecraft God, Dream himself. That’s it.” Tommy asks and you don’t even have it in you to laugh because of the anxiety that eats away at you, but then Clay sighs. 

“...Fine, I guess.” he looks up at you. “D’you wanna speak to Tommy?” 

You’re not quite sure what the expected answer is, but you shrug, gaze darting from his eyes to the computer, and then back to him. “Um… I don’t mind, I guess.” 

You hear him sigh and plug the headphones back into the computer, handing them to you. “Alright, she said yes. Here you go.” he stands up out of the chair and lets you sit, placing the way too big headphones on your head as your heart races, standing closely by your side as you roll the chair further towards the desk and microphone.

“Um… hello?” you shyly speak, and you hear something like groans of mixed annoyance, confusion and nervousness coming from George and Sapnap as Tommy starts laughing immediately, greeting you loudly. 

“HELLO, DREAM’S GIRLFRIEND!” you hear him yell in response as your shaky hands land on the keyboard, moving his character left and right. 

“Is the AC really broken?” Sapnap asks and you hear George laugh in response, considering how unimportant that information is right now. You know both of them, obviously - you’ve talked to them more than a few times, joining in on their jokes when Clay talks to them on speaker, growing as close as one can with their boyfriend’s friends.

“Yeah, it is. The AC in here is really good, though. Maybe I should stay and just take over the Dream channel.” You joke and they laugh.

“Yeah, I mean it would probably be better. A woman owning the Dream channel would make it so much better. The views would skyrocket.” Tommy says and you see his character walk up to you before he randomly laughs again.

“I can’t believe- I can’t believe Dream actually has a girlfriend. Is he, like, paying you to do this, or are you really…” he trails off and you giggle at his question, switching tools in the hotbar as you try to figure out how to play the game again.

“No, he’s not. We are dating, yes.” you confirm with a nod, and you feel Clay’s elbow sink into the chair, almost trying to listen.

“Say 1 if he’s keeping you hostage.” he says and you laugh again, shaking your head.

“No, he’s not- he’s not keeping me hostage.” you reply and you hear Clay go “WHAT?” right behind you.

“Well, of course, of course, I mean, who could ever pass up dating the great Dream. With all those subscribers, and Twitch primes, and Minecraft skills. Did- did his Minecraft skills get you?” Tommy asked, but before you could even respond, Sapnap jumped into the conversation.

“Oh yes, absolutely. She loves it. Yes, Dream, speedrun faster!” he sarcastically replies and for a few moments the whole call is blown into loud laughter, screeching and yells before it quiets down.

“Yes, what Sapnap said. I was so impressed, he just blew me away, with um… with his, um, Manhunt skills? I dunno, I don’t play Minecraft.” you hear him laugh at “Manhunt skills” behind you as the rest of the boys start laughing too.

“Dream’s girlfriend doesn’t play Minecraft?! What?! Dream- how could he allow this, seriously…” Tommy argued dramatically, his character staring at yours - or rather Clay’s.

“I can’t imagine if we were both Minecraft players, that would be a nightmare.” you replied.

“Why?” you heard George laugh through the headphones.

“Who do you think peels him away from the damn computer? If I was just like him we would never get out of the house, probably.” you argued.

“Dreamfriend, what is Dream like, you know, in real life?” Tommy spoke up and you heard George giggle again.

“Dreamfriend?” you repeated, a grin forming on your face at his stupidity, finally deciding to move the character around and switch back to the sword in the hotbar.

“Yes! Dream’s girlfriend, Dreamfriend, Dreamgirl, Girldream, whatever you like.” Tommy said and you laughed.

“Dream girl… if I wanted to get clout off Dream I’d use that, that’s genius.” 

“Thanks, I know I’m a genius, everyone tells me so.” Tommy claims and you shake your head, checking your boyfriend’s inventory to see if there’s anything interesting in there.

“Alright, I’m gonna check on the AC, I’ll be back in a second.” Clay says to you, before lowering himself to the mic so the boys could hear him. “Tommy, don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

“Oh you know it, big man! I’d never!” Tommy yells back, despite Clay being unable to hear him, and he leaves the office with one last, quick kiss to your temple.

“Is he gone?” Tommy asks, and you nod and hum, despite him not being able to see you.

“Okay, so you don’t play Minecraft, right?” he asks.

“No, I don’t.” you reply.

“So there’s this really cool thing, right. If you just go in and type /op tommyinnit, there’s this thing that’s gonna-” Tommy doesn’t get to finish his sentence before he’s cut off by Sapnap, whose character suddenly appears in front of you.

“No, no, no, no, don’t trust him, you should-” Sapnap cuts in, but Tommy still loudly protests in the background.

“BE NICE TO OUR GUEST, SAPNAP! Let her do what she wants! She is Dream’s girlfriend after all, the most powerful woman.” Tommy claims and you laugh, sort of blushing from all the attention. You don’t even dare to check the chat or the donations that come in from Twitch, because it must be blowing up by now. As if he can hear your thoughts, George speaks too.

“Oh my God, Dream’s already trending on, like, five different spots on Twitter.” he says, and you instinctively grab your phone to check, before you can even think about it.

“What?” you and Sapnap both say in sync.

“Yeah, ‘Dream’ is trending #2 worldwide, and ‘Dream girlfriend’ is #4.” he lets out a shocked laugh.

“Oh my God…” you mutter out in both excitement, nervousness and dread as you open Twitter and confirm that George is indeed correct. You don’t even dare to press on either of the trends, simply turning off your phone with a sigh and moving back to stream.

“Wow, you’re famous now! How does it feel?” Tommy asks and you let out a quite dry laugh.

“Amazing. I can feel my value as a person increasing as we speak.” you respond sarcastically and hear George quietly laugh in the background.

Just then, you hear the door to the office opening again, but you ignore it because Tommy starts speaking.

“Okay, well, I’m sure that must be very fun and exciting for you, but I really will need you to type in /op tommyinn-” 

“No! I’m not listening to you, Tommy! I’m not about to type in some stupid command and get yelled at!” you cut in, but he keeps on whining.

“Come on, we know Big D would never yell at his… beloved girlfriend! Listen, just do it, I promise he will not be mad.” he argues.

“What does /op even mean?” you ask out loud, and suddenly Clay is yelling behind you. 

“Who is asking you to op them? Give me the headset!” he says, one hand already tugging at the headphones as you laugh while Tommy panics.

“Well, it was fun talking to you guys, but I have to go. Bye!” you bid them farewell and heard George and Sapnap say goodbye as well while Tommy yelled, and you took off the headphones and passed them to Clay who immediately put them on and adjusted them, plopping back into the chair. You left, moving to the living room to process everything that happened and abandon your phone for the next few hours because you were not ready for that type of attention in the slightest.

You laid in front of the TV, watching random shows on Netflix and grabbing a few snacks from the kitchen while you could still clearly hear him yelling and streaming, wondering how he’s still going as if nothing happened. The temptation to check what people were saying was overwhelming to the point your hands were itching to grab your phone and open all social media - before you even realised it, you were on the trending page again, thumb tapping on the “Dream girlfriend” tab. 

You braced yourself for the worst, but that’s not what came at you - sure, there were a couple of tweets telling people to lay off you, and delusional shippers getting ratioed, but they were mostly positive, lighthearted jokes, from single people making jokes about how a Minecraft YouTuber can get bitches but they can’t, to people calling you cute/funny. One hate comment obviously stings more than a million positive comments make you happy, but they were mostly misogynists calling you annoying for the roughly five sentences you spoke on stream or shippers disappointed that their favorite YouTuber isn’t gay, so you didn’t really let it get to you. 

When the house finally quieted down the sun was lowering itself into darkness and melting into a pot of blinding orange and golden honey, and you heard Clay’s footsteps when he finally turned off the stream, stepping into the living room a few seconds after you heard him. He sat down on the couch next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you close to him, sitting there in silence with you.

“So… that was something.” he finally broke the silence and you nodded.

“It really was.” 

Another beat of silence passes.

“I’m sorry, baby, but I really need you to stop breaking all these ACs.”

“I’M NOT THE ONE BREAKING THEM-”

“Sorry, but I’m noticing a pattern here.” he wheezed, obviously just trying to get you riled up as you pulled away so his hand gets ripped off your shoulder.

“Shut up. You better have called someone to repair that damn thing, cause there is no way we’re sleeping in there without an AC.” you huffed, and he shuffled closer to you, arm wrapping itself around your shoulders once again.

“I did, they’re coming by tomorrow.” he assured.

“Tomorrow?” you asked, looking at him in disbelief. “How are we gonna sleep tonight?”

“Who says we have to sleep?” the glint in his eye and the stupid grin plastered on his face tells you everything you need to know, and you roll your eyes.

“If we fuck, I’ll actually die of overheating. Absolutely not.”

“Well in that case, I need to get that AC fixed as soon as possible.”

[dreamkidddream]

Hiya~ Can I request quote 9) "Are you jealous?" for Lucifer in Obey Me! pretty please😊

This was so much fun to write! Luci know that he gets jealous but never wants to admit (his jealousy is worse than Mammon but you didn’t hear it from me 🤭) and sorry this got kinda long! Reader is gender neutral!

TW: suggestive/spicy themes, but nothing extremely graphic is mentioned

Prompt: “Are you jealous?” with Lucifer!

Lucifer is pissed.

He’s tapping his foot, and constantly checking his phone, waiting in his study for you to either walk in or call him. It’s late, and you’re still not home yet. He asked his brothers where exactly you are, and when Asmo told him that you’re out with the same “friend” you seem to blow all of them off for some time now, it just makes his mood turn even more sour, the scowl on his face deepening.

Now, Lucifer is not opposed to you making friends, as long as they aren’t a threat to you, his family, Lord Diavolo and the other exchange students. He understands that it’s very easy for you to connect with others, intentional or not, and he encourages it to a certain extent. However, this same “friend” that you’ve been increasingly been hanging out with for the past couple of weeks is starting to rub him the wrong way. Of course he’s met this “friend”, a classmate from your Seductive Speechcraft class (which just made him feel more unease with you being with them), and they seemed harmless enough (for a demon at least). Annoying, but harmless, at first.

Then began the constant need for your attention.

It started with the messages and calls under the guise of studying, the “innocent” demon begging you for help so that they can pass the class, and you being the naive nice human that you are of course obliged their request. Then it escalated from once a week, to three times a week, to almost staying after school every day just to “help”. He didn’t like that, as it’s him or his brothers that always walk you home every time, and this demon (who he found is Yuki, a demon who feeds off of sexual energy nonetheless), is messing with the routine, but he kept his cool and forced his brothers to do the same. He- They weren’t happy about this, but at the end of the day, you’re still coming home to him- them, and nothing is changing that. Not to mention how he made sure that someone had their eyes on you, whether it’s Mammon, Beel, or even himself (which he preferred).

Until Yuki decided that you need to hang out more, without him or his brothers.

That’s when he made it known of his dislike towards them, and dislike is putting it lightly.

You started to come home right at dinner, right before Beel devoured your plate. Mammon obviously voiced his displeasure aloud, with the others silently agreeing or making passing comments, but Lucifer would just shut the conversation down before anyone gets too upset, mainly for himself. He doesn’t want to lose control over something trivial like this, he can’t, he won’t- he’s well above some minuscule pest like them, and it would be a waste of time and energy to be worried about someone who is clearly below him!

He’s already irritated with Yuki integrating themselves into your everyday life, but he’s also trying to fight the increasing sinking feeling in his stomach the more you both bond.

The more you two become more than acquainted with one another, the more Lucifer tries to fight and hide this feeling. He buries himself in more paperwork, practically locks himself in his study, avoids anyone’s questions or concerns, and has become overall snappier than usual. He’s even snapped on Lord Diavolo, Lord Diavolo of all people!

(Granted Diavolo just thought it was overall stress, so he just simply laughed it off, but it didn’t go unnoticed by everyone, including you).

Now Lucifer is not stupid, he’s a very intelligent and powerful demon, and he doesn’t have to say it to be known. He made sure to do some research himself on Yuki, and didn’t put anything past them. You’re still surrounded by demons who wouldn’t hesitate to swallow you whole if allowed, and some are still desperate enough to try anything, so he’s very cautious with others being around you.

Which leads to now, you being out again with that demon at The Fall. Ever since, Lucifer retired to his study, constantly checking his phone for any updates. He refused to look distressed in front of everyone, and he knows that you’re smart and not so gullible, you’ll be okay, you had to be.

It’s well going on 1 in the morning, and you still haven’t answered any of his calls and texts? You swore that you would always answer him, so something had to happen. What exactly were you doing? What exactly were you two doing? We’re you okay? Are you safe? Has that Yuki tried anything with you?

Were you two doing anything now?

All of these questions swirling around in his head, his worry only adding on to his frustrations and building tension going through his body.

He already marched down to the door, coat forgotten and tie undone, flinging it open and scowl so deep that his fangs were bared. That Yuki better hope that you come home in one piece and spotless, or else he will make sure that they regret being alive-

He couldn’t wipe the surprised look on his face when he made eye contact with you, who was matching his own expression, hand frozen in the air mid knock.

“Lucifer? What are you still doing up? Are you about to go somewhere?” His expression quickly morphed to one of high distaste, the irritation displaying clearly on his face and his grip tightening on the door.

“I was still awake waiting for you. Have you forgotten how to use a phone, or are you too good for one now that you’re with your ‘friend’. And I remember specifically telling you to let me know when you leave, did I not?”

“Oh. Well...my phone kinda died, but I was already on the way home and-”

“By yourself?! Do you know how irresponsible that is? Do you forget that you’re a mere human?”

His irritation is rising to pure anger at this revelation. So that demon didn’t even have the decency to walk you home? To make sure that you arrive safe? And yet you still have the nerve to spend time with them and practically ignore him?!-

“Well- um, Lucifer? Lucifer!”

He snapped out of his murderous thoughts, and stepped aside to let you in.

“Come inside now, it’s late, and we have much to discuss.”

Your face scrunched up, showing confusion in how he��s acting. You know that’s he mad about your phone being dead, but he’s mad enough to leave the door barely hanging on its hinges? But you knew that arguing or pointing it out would just make things escalate, so you just stepped past and began to make your way up the stairs.

You can feel his eyes bore into the back of your head, but you just didn’t understand why. It’s about more than just your phone, it seemed like he’s been on edge for awhile now. You want to approach him, to ask him what’s wrong, to have him open up, but of course Lucifer being Lucifer, it was to no avail.

You racked your brain as he lead you to his room and began the “conversation” about how irresponsible you were being (really it’s just him getting whatever he needed off his chest and not you giving any input). Was it because of you going out so late? No, you didn’t drink, you and Yuki stayed together the whole night, and you let him know hours before. Was it Yuki? Now that you’re think about it, he has been frowning more it seemed like every time you brought up their name-

The pieces are starting to fit together now.

Oh my Diavolo.

You couldn’t stop the words escaping from your mouth before you could realize it.

“Lucifer, are you jealous?”

He choked in the middle of his sentence, and the room went quiet. You’re pretty sure that you can’t even hear him breathing, and his face just went entirely blank, no expression whatsoever.

Oh no, you broke him-

A gust of wind erupted, so strong that you had to shield your eyes for a second, and when you removed your arm, you were met with massive black wings and a very enraged demon.

“Excuse me?”

You stepped back until you stumbled onto the bed, as he stalks closer and closer to you.

“Care to repeat yourself?”

You knew better than to respond, and you felt frozen on the bed. You also know that Lucifer won’t attack or try to kill you, but it didn’t take away from the fact that he has moments where he’s very intimidating, one of those moments being now.

He’s looking down at you like a predator would to its captured prey, his ruby eyes glowing deviously in the dim room. He didn’t stop moving until he was on top of you, caging you in.

“Me? Jealous?” He scoffed. “I am the Avatar of Pride, the most powerful being in this house, yet you assume that I’m jealous of a demon that’s beneath me? You insult me, MC.”

He took hold of your chin, “Do you not remember what I said when we made the pact? You are mine and mine alone. Not anyone else’s, but mine.”

You felt like your nerves were getting the best of you, but you couldn’t force yourself to tear away as he leaned closer. He sealed his lips against yours in a heated kiss, one that you gladly accepted, not before uttering the words that made your heart race even faster.

“Maybe I should remind you of who you belong to, hm?”

—-

“Had a fun night, MC?”

“Yeah, it was”, you coughed in your hand. “Very nice, very fun. We had a great time.”

“Hmmmmm...you and Yuki or you and Lucifer?”

“Asmo!”

He giggled, “I’m just saying dear. I don’t sense the pent-up sexual frustration from Lucifer anymore, and he seems back to normal and even relaxed. Though I must say MC, I wish that you had spent the night in my bed instead.”

“Of course you do Asmo.”

“Besides, I would have covered your hickeys much better-”

“ASMO-”

“MC, are you ready?”

Speak of the devil and he shall appear has never been more true than now, as Lucifer appeared behind you both, placing his hand on your shoulder.

“Huh? Oh, yes, sorry.”

“Eh? Where are you two going?”

“Out.”

“And without me?!”

“Yes. Now, leave us be”. Lucifer moved his hand from your shoulder to your own hand, leading you both out the door. You two had plans for the day after the...eye-opening talk from last night, and he didn’t want to waste anymore time than he already had.

Bonus:

Asmo waited until he heard the door click, and then quickly whipped out his D.D.D. to text Yuki. He knew that the plan was going to be a success! A tense Lucifer made things more difficult for everyone, and he has too much pride to open his mouth so he decided to step in and team up with Yuki, who already knew about the whole ordeal.

Lucifer was already on the edge of snapping and letting his primal instincts take over anyway, so Asmo just gave him a little push in the right direction.

Thank Diavolo the plan worked, or else it would be hell for them both. He did owe Yuki some exposure on his socials in exchange for this and backing off of you now, but it was well worth the trouble.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

How about a monster tom x reader where tom dreamt about him accidentally killing reader and when he sees reader they straight up tackle them to the ground and keeps saying I'm sorry over and over until reader bushes them and they talk it out and hug and watch a movie.

"What the hell, [y/n]?!! You ruined Susan!!!"

"She only has a scratch. Relax." You rolled your eyes as Tom scowled at you from across the room, holding his bass guitar. "Edd has destroyed her on purpose before, but you're mad at me for scratching her by accident?"

Usually he wouldn't get this upset, but all day long he seemed annoyed by everything. And apparently this was the cherry on top.

"Because unlike that idiot, I thought YOU would know better than to touch my shit!! God, you're just as dumb as--!!" All of the sudden, he let out a grunt of pain, dropping the guitar and clutching his head. His eyes whitened with stress. "J-Just get out..."

"Tom?" Now you were less irritated and more concerned, seeing his skin turn a light shade of lavender.

Never before have you seen him freak out this much to the point of transforming. It was starting to scare you.

"Hey c'mon, stay with me." You attempted to reach out to him. "It's okay, we'll take her to a repair shop and I'll pay for-"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!!!" His voice deepened as he slapped your hand away, though he heard a wince and saw that you were bleeding, before he noticed that his claws already manifested.

That only made him angrier. "See?!! YOU NEVER LISTEN!! YOU'VE NEVER LISTENED TO ME OR CARED ABOUT ME!! You think I'm a goddamn freak, don't you?!!"

'What the hell am I saying?!! I-I don't mean any of that...!!' Internally, Tom was panicking, confused as to why his mouth was blurting out these untrue things.

All of this over an instrument he can fix?

What was happening to him?

"N-No, Tom..I...I-I-" You were frozen on the spot, unable to defend yourself as he fully transformed, horns scraping the ceiling.

"Admit it..YOU HATE ME!!!"

'Don't listen to me, [y/n]! Please run!! FOR THE LOVE OF MACARONI JUST RUN!!!!' But despite his pleas, you had no chance to run away as the monster roared and tackled you to the ground.

No matter how much you begged him to stop, he could only sink his claws and teeth into your flesh. Pure rage and hunger fueled his instinct to kill, without realizing who he was killing to begin with.

Though when your screams were silenced forever, Tom blinked and got ahold of himself. He looked down at you, jaw dropping as he saw your mangled corpse.

'No..no, no, no!!!'

With a whimper, he tried shaking you, but you remained limp on the carpet floor.

This time he was the one screaming, covered in your blood.

.

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.

"And this is Ringo's feeding schedule," Edd smiled as he handed you a list. "I made it literally this morning so uhh..yeah just follow that if you can, please."

"Thanks. I promise she won't starve." You chuckled, waving goodbye to him and his friends as they went out for the day. Tord bumped into you, reminding you to not let the "Jehovah's witness" sleep in, but you pushed him out the door before slamming it shut.

With a sigh, you turned around and glanced at the list, making your way into the living room space. For once you and Tom had the house to yourselves, so now you just had to wake him up so you'd feel less lonely.

"Does Edd know he can just buy an automatic pet feeder-?"

You jumped as you heard a loud scream, looking up in bewilderment. 'That sounded like-'

Moments later you saw Tom race out into the room, his eyes white as a ghost. But the moment he saw you, he yelled your name and tackled you to the floor.

"Ouch!! What the hell?!" You snapped, trying to sit up as you felt yourself being crushed by his arms. "Are you trying to kill me-?!!"

"I-I didn't mean it, I'm so sorry!!"

"..huh?" It was then you realized he was crying, face buried into your hoodie as he violently trembled. "Tommy?" You hugged him back, letting him cling to you. That only seemed to amplify his sobs.

"A-All those horrible things I said..th-they weren't me! I couldn't control myself!! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!!"

For a moment you wondered what he might've recently said to hurt you, but you couldn't remember. You two never argued over anything serious. He had more fights with Tord than you.

Then you realized...

"Oh, Tom...you were just dreaming." You hushed, rubbing his back. "That's all it was. Just a dream."

"I-It felt so real, though. There was so much blood..y-your blood, and you weren't moving and I-I thought..I-"

"You didn't kill me. I'm right here, and I'm not hurt..physically or emotionally."

You could feel his fingers dig into your hoodie more. "Y-You're okay?"

"Yes. I'm okay."

That reassurance calmed him down, as he pulled away slightly to look at you, eyes going back to normal. You smiled and cupped his cheek, brushing away the tears. "Must've been a hell of a nightmare, huh?"

Tom just nodded, still sniffling on occasion. "Yeah..I just..had to make sure it didn't actually happen. Head gets a little fuzzy when I'm in that other form, y'know?"

"Don't worry, you didn't transform. Otherwise this whole place would've been trashed again." You chuckled.

"I'd rather have this place gone than ever hurt you."

"Awh, that's the most romantic thing you've said to me so far."

Now that you were both feeling better, you shared a kiss on the lips before embracing once more. "Good morning, by the way." You spoke after a few seconds of silence.

"Yeah..morning. So everyone else is out, huh?"

"For a few hours. Edd just gave me a schedule to feed Ringo. Maybe we could stream that new zombie robot movie you wouldn't shut up about?"

Tom looked at you with a sparkle in his eyes. "You mean Killer Zombie-Robots from Outer Space: The Prequel????"

"Uh...yeah. That one."

After you both got up, you went to the couch and turned the TV on, comfortably plopping down. Ringo joined you as well as she curled up in your lap.

As you looked for the movie, Tom cuddled up to you, head resting on your shoulder as he tried forgetting about that dream.

He was just glad nobody else was home right now.

[vannybarber]

Put Some Respect On My Name!

Summary: As a wife and a mother to the kids of this asshole, respect is the one thing you better be recieving from him...after some good 🍆 of course. That's number one right there.😏

Ransom Drysdale x Black Reader

BIG ASS PLOT

Words: 5.3k

Warnings: Pregnant¡Reader, swearing, insults, angst, mentions of cheating, SMUT, breeding kink, spanking, oral (female receiving), praise kink, unprotected sex, mentions of religion, threats of violence (nothing extreme).

So here your are. Sitting on you and Ransom's shared California King bed looking at his friend, Derek's Instagram story, disappointed and angry. But mostly angry. Some nasty ass trick is sitting on your baby daddy's lap. Her loppy floppy tits out with a drink in hand and him drinking a Moscato, the one beverage he loved to order everytime he went out.

Last year for New Year's, you had to stop him from ordering more or else you were going to be cleaning him up after puking everywhere at midnight instead of getting a kiss to start off another year.

Your two year old daughter was in her playroom across the hall making a mess with her toys. Usually you'd be down there playing with her but your swollen stomach done prohibited you from doing a lot of things now. But it most definitely ain't stop you from getting what you want from Ransom every day and night. Nothing could ever stop you guys from getting yo freak on. Nothing.

Hugh Ransom Drysdale is most definitely an asshole and you're not gonna sit here and lie, acting like he completely changed when you guys came together. That boy still has his moments, but of course, it would be a chilly ass day in hell before you sit there and take his bullshit. He been learned that.

At this point ,you were thinking of ways to get on his ass about it when he comes home. Should you get the bat and wait at the door on some Beyonce shit ? Or put some bleach in his Fruit Loops like Cardi the next day ? Those sounded a lot better than what you decided to do. You were gonna wait till he got back home and calmly confront him on it, regardless of what your hormones wanted. 6 months pregnant and anger do not go together. You're WAAAAY more vulnerable and bound to do anything now. So you just watch your daughter brush her baby doll, hitting her on the head cause she won't sit still, rubbing your bump and wait for him to come home.

You hear shuffling downstairs and keys hitting the bowl by the front door. His big head home now and you're beyond ready.

You check the time and it's 2:46 am. You been put your child to sleep hours ago. You were just watching Wild N' Out to pass the time, thinking of how you were gonna start off without making yourself even more mad. The baby nor you need any of that. You were internally praying he was gonna get his ass over here soon cause your ass knocked out for a little bit. You were sleepy as hell right now.

Hearing those expensive ass Chelsea boots hit the sleek stairs and up to the second floor, you woke the fuck up real quick. You stay quiet and watch him walk in your daughters room and check on her. You can see with the nightlight him smile and rub her brown cheek with the back of his forefinger, whispering inaudible words to her. Fuck him and his adorable ass.

He bends back up straight and walks out her room closing the door a little and make his way across the hall to your room. He sees you and your pregnant state in your white tube top and grey booty shorts. Simple yet the baddest bitch he's ever laid eyes on and ever will. He smiles while locking eyes with you and all you do is narrow yours back at him getting upset all over again, regardless of the sweet previous moment shared with your baby girl.

He gives you a 'what the hell ?' look and comes over to give you a kiss but you jerk your head back with the stank face and a 'boy move out my face' quietly leaving your mouth. Now he's REALLY confused.

"Mama, what's wrong with you?"

You look at him like he just asked you to get on your knees and bark like a dog.

"What's wrong with me? You really asking that?" raising your voice on the second question.

Technically, he has the right to ask, being that he doesn't know what you know. He probably doesn't even know that Derek was recording him and that broad. Nor does he know that you texted Derek to keep recording him so you know nothing escalates.

Call it what you want, but you know how your man is. He's immature and irresponsible as HELL. If something had popped off that really threatened y'all's relationship, you would've been in that bar with your child on your right hip, earphones in her ear and tablet in hand, cussing him and that girl out.

"You wanna tell me how your night went?" You tilt your head asking sweetly, with a drop of sarcasm. You truly are a petty ass piece of work. And you love it.

"Just get to the point Y/N. The fuck did I do this time ?" At this point he's now visibly annoyed. But you ain't care. This situation is on his part. Y'all could've had a nice night, fucking while Big City Greens playing in the background on the T.V. eventually waking your child up cause you loud as hell, but nooooo. That ain't happening now.

You grab your phone and open back up Instagram, Marta popping up on your feed with Harlan reading a book. You like it and search up Derek's @ then click his story. You flip through countless tabs until you see the man-child standing in front of you, on the screen. You motion him over to the bed.

"Come here, asswipe."

He rolls his eyes, but moves them feets anyway. You turn your phone to him and let the video play. You watched it about a thousand times so you know exactly when it ends. After it does you pull the phone back in your lap and give him a questioning look.

Sometimes it's hard to read his expressions and this was one. It was a mix of slight guilt and double the annoyance. He backs up and stands back at the end of the bed, arms crossed.

"Really? This why you're upset?"

You swear you almost slapped him. And this time you couldn't blame the hormones because it was gonna be ALL YOU. You take a deep breath and lean your back against the cushion headboard.

"I KNOW you did not just ask me that as if I ain't supposed to be bothered by the fact that my husband got some random woman on his lap while I'm at home with his daughter and his growing child."

You deadass don't believe him right now. He really pressing you as if he don't know how you get when you're angry, especially while pregnant.

"My feet hurt. I am TIRED. I can't even move for more than 5 minutes without getting sick and having to sit down. The you come at me with this bullshit" you continue. "What the hell is wrong with you ?"

He just deadpans you. And you stare at his ass right back. You not playing right now.

"Y/N, you never get upset when I go out with my buddies and get hammered." He's flapping his arms around raising his voice at every word.

"What is the big deal now? It's fucking late and you're doing all this right now. What the hell?"

You gather the strength and get out the bed to close the bedroom door cause you about to go AWF.

Getting back on the bed fully sitting up and supporting your own weight, you tie your butterfly braids up in ponytail.

"Listen, you raggedy shitball,"

It's about to go down. You adjust yourself, ready to release the wrath.

"I don't give a damn how late it is. You know better than to go out and let some bitch get close up on you like that. Were you even thinking about me or your kids while she was on you? The fuck was going through your mind? Oh wait, I forgot. You don't fucking think. You have to actually have a damn brain."

"Raggedy shitball? Real mature, babe. Real fucking mature." He says rolling his eyes, finally getting his shoes off and putting them under the chair were his scarf and coat are draped over.

You continue with your rant.

"Ironic for you to comment on maturity, Hugh."

Yep, that's right. You said it. You called him by his ugly ass first name. Linda and Richard must've been out they damn mind naming him that shit. He whipped his head around, any sense of expression just completely wiping from his face. Perfect. Just the reaction you wanted.

"Don't call me that." He stated, pure disgust in his words. To be honest, you don't even blame him. But like stated before, you petty as hell.

"Hugh, Hugh, Hugh. Your name is fucking Hugh" you say in a sing songy voice. Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta.

"You don't get to tell me what to do right now. And back to what I said before. Why you let that girl in your lap like that ?"

"It was completely harmless. We were just having fun. Like you said before, you aren't a jealous person. Stuff like that shouldn't even be affecting you like this." He gets on the bed beside you and your face tore back up again. He's really getting in this fucking bed beside you like nothing.

But he was right though. You aren't a jealous person. A girl can come up to him at a party and flirt right in your face, but you'd never be bothered. Cause at the end of the day, her ass is getting rejected and he's gonna be inside you later the same night. He's yours and you're his. Simple.

"Ransom, just because I'm not a jealous person doesn't mean I'm gonna keep my mouth if our relationship is threatened." This man is actually delusional.

"You never entertain other girls when I'm around and here you are with a girl on your lap and I'm not there to say or do nothing. And you know your shitty friends will just encourage it. "

At this point, you started to get really insecure. Maybe it's the hormones, maybe it's just your logic. But your mind started racing like NASCAR. What really happens when he's out and you're at home? He wouldn't put your marriage and family at risk over a bitch...right? He hasn't cheated on you, has he? These thoughts really weren't good for your right now.

But he must've read your expressions. You were zoned out and he knows you're an over thinker so he had to stop you real quick. He puts his large left hand over your thigh, rubbing it and his right around your ass, leaning his head against your arm, trying to get you to chill. It almost worked, him knowing you liked your thighs rubbed, especially in your state.

But you caught that shit right away. You moved out of his hold and turn your body completely towards him. And then you ask him.

"Have you ever cheated on me?"

He freezes, you swear for at least 2.4 milliseconds and whips his head around to look at you. You turn your head away, somewhat regretting you even asked. You know this fucker loved you and your family with everything. He even said in his vows he would give his all into you. And you believed him. But fuck that right now. You need to know.

"Are you GODDAMN serious right now?!"

Okay, you paused for two things; he used God's name in vain, which you HATED, due to you growing up religious. Even though you don't practice it very often, it still bothered you. And two, he yelled, completely disregarding the fact that your kid is across the hall sleeping.

You snap your head around, braids hitting your face with super saiyan speed and kick him in his hip.

"What the shit, Y/N?"

"First of all, you know how I feel about that fucking word. STOP USING IT. And two, your daughter is sleeping so you need to keep your damn voice down!"

He's rubbing his side with a distorted look, but you could care less. You were fed up. This imbecile wasn't showing you any respect and your weren't gonna wait for him to get it right.

"How the hell would you feel if I went out, sat on some random dude's lap and entertained him while you were at home with our kid? Matter a fact, I'll do one even better. How about while I'm PREGNANT with YOUR baby, that YOU put in me, I sit on him and letting him rub my belly?"

Ransom has a big ass breeding kink. When you told him you were pregnant he was ecstatic. The though of him knocking you up, his seed growing inside of you just gave him pure ecstacy. And don't even get started on when your bump started to form. He was fucking every chance he got. He was in a theme park and you were his favorite ride.

You know you were playing with fire, but that shit felt AMAZING. He was really feeling how you were feeling right now. Them veins were popping out his neck and his face was slightly turning red. Baby boy was LIVID.

"Y/N, cut that shit out. I'm not doing this with your ass tonight." He looked at you with these eyes you've only seen when his family pissed him off at those gatherings he dragged both of you to. Before you had your first child of course. You went to them less after your daughter's birth because he didn't want her around his shitty family. You completely understood.

"Nah, baby boy. Since you want to be so inconsiderate and a triple asshole tonight, you can lay here by yourself and bathe in it." You got your big ass out the bed after minutes of struggling. Grabbing your black Betty Boop pillow with her cute afro, your charger, phone and your Hot Cheetos out the night stand and slipped on your slides, you waddle across the room, heading into the guest bedroom.

You refuse to sleep in the same bed as him, especially since he refuses to admit he's in the wrong. If you stay in there, you're just going to get even more frustrated and you don't want to harm your baby.

"Y/N, baby. What are you doing? Come back in here" he called you from the bedroom.

You shut the door and lock it. You'll be damned if you're gonna come running back cause he aSkEd you to. You settle in the bed, plug your phone up, grab your chips and turn When They See Us on the T.V.

Ransom just lays back on the bed in defeat. He didn't even make an effort to get you back in the room because you're stubborn as a mule. But he takes this time to go over what just happened.

He truly didn't think you would make a big deal. Like you said before, you're not a jealous person, so he didn't think he'd have to worry. Boy, was he all the way wrong. And you did have a point about you entertaining another man. That had his blood boiling. He gets at most irritated when you come with him to events, like the Oakley Country Club in Watertown and you're everyone's distraction.

It was your first appearance with him there and you being a sight to see, had all eyes on you and your body. Hell, even the women were checking you out, no envy or jealousy in sight. He knew then, he was gonna keep you close. You don't remember ever leaving his side that evening. He even volunteered to go into the bathroom with you. He didn't want to take a chance with the females either.

But in all seriousness, he couldn't bear the thought of you with another man. Especially now that you're married and have two kids together. But he really couldn't believe that you'd even suggest that he had been unfaithful to you. Your reasons were plausible, yes, but he was honestly...hurt. He knows what kind of guy he is comes off as, but he'd never intentionally ruin what you guys have built. You were the only one he truly let close.

He knew what he had to do, even though he dreaded it. He had to go apologize. He hates when you're upset with him. Absolutely hates it. Plus you were looking sexy as hell tonight and he need some of that round brown ASAP, no rocky.

Ransom got up and opened the door, making his way down the hall to the guest bedroom, but not before checking his baby's room. She was still fast asleep, little snores leaving her body. Exiting her room, he knew your door would be locked but tried to open it anyway. When it didn't budge, he knocked a couple of times. But you was knocked out.

Then he remembered. Lifting his hand to the top of the door frame, he searched for the thin key that unlocked the bedroom doors. Once he felt it, he grabbed it and inserted it in the door knob. Click. He pushed the door open and looked around to see the T.V. screen on, but paused, and you lying on your side with the Cheeto bag still open like a damn fool.

He shut the door quietly and made his way around the bed. He closed the loud ass bag, which caused you to stir and reposition your legs. He set the bag on the nightstand and crawled into the bed with you. He stared at you for a moment. Looking at your full lips and your wide nose.

Your afrocentric features were always so mesmerizing to him because they were different from all the other women. They were unique and he understood why you took so much pride in them. You had the damn right, especially looking that good. You were never afraid to embrace them. No person of color should ever be afraid to. Ever.

After what felt like an hour of weird ass staring, Ransom started to shake your arm, trying to wake you. You're a heavy ass sleeper, so it took him a while. You opened your eyes, squinting trying to figure what the fuck just woke your ass up. Feeling a dip in the bed and a presence next to you, Ransom comes into sight.

Even though this man is finer than a MOTHERFUCKER, you still turned your nose up when you looked at him. Your ass was still mad and it was ridiculous. Understandable, but ridiculous as hell. You could only imagine what he wanted now. You roll your eyes.

"Listen, I know you're still pissed at me and whatever, but I just came in here to.... apologize."

He averted his gaze to the T.V. You know how difficult it is for your baby to apologize for anything because even though he clearly in the wrong, he will never ever accept it nor admit it. And damn sure never apologize.

"I realize how you felt when you saw that video", he continued. "I would be even more pissed if you were the one in someone else's lap and I couldn't kick their ass as soon as I saw it."

You chuckled a little bit because it's true. He would be angry as shit. Although, you'd never be in that position because you love and respect him too much. But you let him finish before you spoke.

"With that being said, I'm sorry for my actions. Believe it or not, I'm still getting adjusted to being a husband and a father. I'm still struggling to give up my old habits and the shit I'm so used to doing. It's not easy, baby."

You grab is strong jaw and make him face you. He hasn't made eye contact with you this entire time. You almost felt bad, but he needed to understand. Understand where you were coming from and understand how it made you feel.

"Ransom, I'm not asking you to completely change who you are. I just want to know that you're in this for good. Because you can't turn back now. We've come too damn far. And I'll be damned if you decide to give up your responsibilities. Your ass gon' be grass."

He smiled a teeny bit, because what can you say? You're a natural born comedian. You can turn any situation in to some funny ass shit. But you get back to your point.

"I want you to be able to go out and have fun, but also come back and be a husband and a father. I value my independence just as much as you, so I get it. Just remember what you have. Don't fuck it up for some pussy, alright? That's all I'm saying."

You look him in his sea blue eyes. Damn, them thangs are hypnotic as hell. But you search for something that tells you he understands. That's all you fucking want. Him to understand. But you definitely got your answer.

Just as you were about to ask him, he shoots his face towards you and attacks your mouth like a damn wild ass pig. You were thrown all the way off, but you checked back into reality and kissed him back. You guys had this amazing ass way of getting in sync when you kissed. No matter who initiates it, you flow amazingly.

After a few mintues of saliva attack, you pull away tryna breathe cause he was about to take all your fucking oxygen. He laughs at the look on your face. You end up cracking up too. You can't help it. And he knows it.

"I completely understand, mama. I've definitely taken this into consideration. I learned my lesson." He smiles down at you. Internally you're proud as fuck because it's like you raised a bad ass kid into a well behaved one. The power your ass holds is amazing.

Then you look at the door trying to figure out how the hell he got in the room. "The key." You nod in realization. He rubs your thigh again, and this time, you don't stop him. Instead he stops himself. You look at him confused as fuck.

"But I'm gonna let you sleep in here, since you seem to be so cozy." He was messing with you. Fuck him. He gets up off the bed and head towards the door, but not before looking back to catch your reaction. You had a 'get your ass back over here' look on your face. But he just smirked. That signature smirk.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" He really out here testing you right now. The balls on this motherfucker...

"Ransom, get your ass over here and give me what I want." You look down at his crotch, imagining him without his wool Reiss pants. He follows your eyes, still holding that smirk, but not forgetting to widen it. You lusting after his fLeSh turned him on bad. And it felt so good.

You already know you're to hard to resist. Everyone loves chocolate. Even Ransom's lactose intolerant ass.

You start to rub your belly, purposely drawing his attention, really making him turned on for you. You can feel that that tropical rain storm in your Fenty underwear.

And that boy was ready to start swimming. He expediTiously got back on the bed and in between your legs. You give him that look and that's all he needed. Connecting your lips to his and moving them in perfect sync like always, he starts rubbing up and down the side of your full belly.

"So fucking perfect and all of it's for me."

You pause.

"And who said all of this was for you, Mr. Drysdale?"

Not amused by your comment, he slaps your ass louder than a bitch and you shut your ass up real quick. Not before letting out a little giggle though.

He lifts your heavy ass and pulls the tube top over your head, letting your swole breasteses fall into position. Your areolas widened since having your daughter and Ransom LIVED for it. You were definitely enjoying them massages and those lips treatments he gave you when they were sore, just like now.

He starts kneading the left breast and continues to make out with your face like an animal. His left arm is holding your ass up. He eventually lays you back down, knowing damn well his ass is tired of holding you. You ain't blaming him either.

He hooks his lips on the nipple of the same breast, twirling his deadly tongue all around it. You moan with your head thrown back cause it feels good as hell. He lets go and replaces his mouth with his hands and twirls the nipple with his mouth on the other.

All you could do was mumble cuss words and grab his hair. He was really fucking you up and the real fucking didn't even start yet.

Trailing kisses all the way down your beautiful bump, down all the stretch marks till he reaches your shorts. He wasted no time getting them off and disposing them on the clean floor. Whatever he throw on the floor HE'S picking that shit up, not you. You'll make sure of that.

He looks directly at your covered pussy with excitement in his eyes. More excited than you were, if that's even possible. He takes his thick index finger and rubs you through your panties, completely soaking them. You just watch him, lust dialating your pupils.

He yanks them off, almost taking you off the damn bed at the same time, so you had to re-adjust yourself. He spreads your legs on their sides of his wide shoulders and licks from your core to the hood that covered your clit. You jerked a little cause you were in your second trimester, the horny trimester. You were 🌃 sensitive 🌃.

Then his annoying ass starts lapping in circles in super saiyan speed. You cry out and grab your left breast, squeezing and rubbing it. He stretches his left hand out and takes the right one, doing the same thing. Your back was continuously arching. You know your baby was fed up.

After a couple of more laps, your body finally can't take anymore and you cum all over his mouth. He has the audacity to keep going, even when your clit is hypersensitive, making you literally whimper, so you have to slap his head to get him to stop.

He pulls away with that stupid famous smirk.

"All that shit you're always talking, but you couldn't take a little sensitivity?" He teases you. But that's alright, cause you gon' remember that next time you're on your knees for him. When he comes, you not taking your mouth off him until you feel like it.

"Just fuck me already before I change my mind." You don't know why you even said that shit. He can tease you all you want. You'll never not have your legs or mouth open, ready for him to stick his dick wherever he feels.

He just chuckles, cause he knows that too.

Taking your body, he flips you on your left side and settles behind you, dick right against your ass. Its one of your favorite positions because he could hit your sweet spot perfectly this way. And he could rub your bump at the same time. Beneficial for the both of your greedy asses.

He was taking way to long so you grab his dick and line it up with your pussy and push the tip in slowly, playing with your own arousal. Ransom just watched. He loved seeing you desperate for his stupid ass, but you gave zero fucks at the moment.

Finally you slip his huge ass girth inside you and you moan out loud as hell. You really just be turned on by anything at this point. He then takes back the lead and pushes further till he bottoms out inside you. He's heavily breathing his hot ass breath on your neck like a weirdo, but fuck it.

Once both of you are adjusted, he starts moving in and out of you. The position made your walls hella tighter and he was already hitting your spot. His tight arm is wrapped around your stomach now. You constantly moan his name and he's just encouraging it.

"Ransom, fuck, baby just like that"

"You love when I fuck you like this, don't you pretty girl?"

You hated when he called you "pretty girl, sweet girl, or good girl" because you become a straight whore for him right away. He's such an asshole.

"Yes, Daddy- please don't stop"

"Tell me how bad you want it baby"

There he go with these fucking games. Always wanting to hear you beg.

"I want it so bad, Daddy ! pleASe give it to mE"

Happy Ransom?

He starts to pick up the pace and you feel the pleasure in your toes. It just travel from there all around your body and you can't say anything but "don't stop" and moan uncontrollably.

You start getting close and he can tell by the way you pick up the moans. So he starts going faster. But never forgetting to add a little nasty dialogue.

"I can feel you ready to come sweet girl. Keep clenching around me baby" That shit just made you even more whore-knee. If you weren't already pregnant, he was definitely gonna put a baby in you that night.

"Baby I'm close- fill me up Ransom please "

You're begging for this man to cum inside you, but he always wanna play a damn game.

"Hmmm do you truly deserve to cum baby? I don't know if you do.."

You wanted to hit him so bad, but he wouldn't let you come if you did. So you go along with it.

"Yes Daddy I'll do anything- Please just let me cum !" You screamed.

At this point you were loud as 🌃fuck🌃 .

After more begging he finally let you come.

"Oh shit Ransom- FUCK" You come all over his dick and shortly after, he came right behind you. Filling you up just like you wanted. He slumped against your back and you lowered your shaky leg.

"You always take me so well baby girl." He starts kissing your neck. You could literally hear that loppy ass smile he has on his face everytime y'all get done. But you get all tingly inside because you love when he praises you. Makes you feel proud of yourself.

"Well there's not much to take so...it's whatever." What are you without a teasing remark after every other sentence? But he always has a clapback.

"Its funny you say that because the other day you were practically in tears because my dick was "too much for one woman to take" and that I was practically torturing you." At this point you're turned over facing him grinning like a Cheshire cat and him smiling right back at you.

"Oh shut the fuck up, with your annoying ass." You snap back at him playfully, rolling your eyes.

"You love me, my chocolate bunny." He let's out an audible yelp when you kick him in his leg. You hate when he calls you that. "Cut it out Ransom, or you're not touching me for a week."

There you go again saying the dumb shit. You both know that YOU could never go through with that.

"Fine by me", he states unphased. Cause he knows you could never.

You roll your eyes for the 50thousanth time.

"You're lucky I love your ass."

"I love you too pretty girl" he winks.

Just as you were about to get up, you hear something jiggle the doorknob and someone huffing and puffing outside the door. That little girl over here jumping up and down tryna to open the damn door. You're literally hollering at her struggle. Truly sick in the fucking head.

"Mama! Where Papa ?" Ransom grins as he throws you his blue sweater so you can cover up and gets up to let your baby girl in.

You truly cannot stand this guy.

This all came to me so fast 😭 I hope y'all like it lmaoo

[nastybuckybarnes]

Joke’s on You

Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Summary: Bucky’s fuckboy tendencies get the better of him. But you show him you’re not gonna be tossed around like a toy. This time, he gets the shit end of the stick.

Warnings: Language, Angst, Smut, Fighting, Angst, 

Word Count: 4.3K

A/N: Okay fellas. Here she is. The third instalment of Gangsta. Now, this one can be read in the series or as a standalone. Based on Charlotte Lawerence’s ‘Joke’s on You’ (Both regular and acoustic.) and also on Love the Way you Lie obvi cause angst and toxic relationships hehe. I’ve got the next part almost fully written and lemme warn y’all, it’s a tearjerker. So good luck!

Gangsta

I see Red

Jokes On You

Habits (Coming soon)

~*~

“Hey, Steve.” He nods at you, arm resting on the back of the seat just behind your shoulders. “Waitin’ for him?” You nod, lips pursed as you cross your arms on the table.

The club is loud, music thumping under your feet and people chattering all around you. Your eyes scour the club, looking for James.

You feel Steve stiffen a moment before you find him, and then you realize why Steve reacted the way he did.

Bucky’s standing at the bar, flirting and chatting up a busty brunette waitress. You grind your teeth together, watching the way he looks her up and down.

“I’m sure he’s just being friendly?” Steve offers, cringing when you turn your glare on him.

“That’s the problem. If I ever get that friendly with a guy I’ll never hear the end of it. I fucking hate that this is such a double standard. I’m not gonna just sit around and watch him get with random bitches. Not anymore.” You make to stand up, halting when Steve grabs your hand.

“At least dance with me. Not someone that he’s gonna kill for no reason.” You ponder this, glancing over to your boyfriend once more and making your mind up quickly. The brunette is leaning in, her lips almost touching his face.

You grab Steve’s hand and haul him towards the dance floor, ignoring the way you can feel Bucky’s eyes on you. You spin around in Steve’s arms, pressing your back against his front and moving your hips against him.

He grips your waist, his head resting over your shoulder, lips just barely brushing the shell of your ear.

You slowly open your eyes, looking over to where Bucky’s sitting, his jaw clenched and his eyes focused on you.

The waitress is gone for the moment, but two glasses sit on the counter beside him, one of them stained with red lipstick.

He raises his eyebrows at you and you cock your head to the side before reaching over your shoulder and grabbing a handful of Steve’s hair. Bucky’s eyes flash a warning at him and you only roll your eyes in return, before tugging Steve’s head down and craning your neck back to smash your lips against his.

He’s stunned for a minute, before kissing you back with passion, his teeth grazing over your bottom lip. His hands trail up your body, cupping your breasts through the thin material of your dress and groping them roughly.

You pull away after a moment, panting hard. When you open your eye they immediately flicker to Bucky, a frown crossing your face when you see him once again talking to the brunette.

Huffing a frustrated breath, you tug out of Steve’s arms and strut over to the bar, smiling sweetly at your boyfriend.

He hardly glances at you, only giving you attention when you clear your throat.

“I uh... I should get back to my table,” the waitress says, smiling at Bucky before walking away. His eyes stay on her backside and you scoff.

“Really, James?” He shrugs, playing it cool when all he wants to do is bend you over the counter and fuck you until the only thing you remember is his name.

“Yeah. Maybe don’t come home tonight. She and I are really hitting it off. She’s got a tongue stud and said she’d let me see her nipple rings.”

You scoff again, shaking your head at him.

“Yeah, whatever. When you’re done being a prick let me know. I’m staying with Steve tonight. Maybe when you grow up a bit and can talk about whatever doubts you’re having about our relationship, then I’ll come home. But not before then.”

He watches you walk away, his heart aching and his mind racing. He doesn’t want to let you get away, but he has no choice. He can’t need you. He doesn’t want to need you. And yet here he is, needing you.

You walk up to Steve, your anger evident on your face.

“He being a dick again?” He asks, shaking his head in disappointment.

“Of fucking course he is! When is he not? God, sometimes I forget why we got together.” Steve chuckles, his hands holding your waist. “Because you guys are a match made in heaven? C’mon. I’ll take you home. I’m sure he’s just gonna get shitfaced then bum a ride from some poor defenceless college kid.” You nod, taking a deep breath but deciding that Steve’s probably right.

As you’re turning to the door, you see none other than your boyfriend leaving, one hand on the ass of the waitress as the two of them leave the club together.

“Jesus Christ he’s leaving with her,” you hiss, turning to glare at Steve.

“He’s an idiot. I’ll take you home.” You shake your head, determined to make a point.

“No. Take me to your place. He gets to go with a random bitch, fine. I’m going home with someone else too.” Steve sighs, knowing better than to argue with you when you’re in a mood like this.

The ride to his house is silent, the tension thick in the car as you stew in your anger.

Too many times has Bucky done this, pushed you away and fucked other girls, only to get mad at you whenever you attempt to do the same.

Fucking random guys would only get them killed, exactly how Steve said, however, Bucky cares too much about his best friend to kill him. Beat him to a pulp? Sure. But Bucky could never kill Steve.

As soon as you’re in Steve’s apartment you’re on him, mouth pressed tightly against his and hands pushing his jacket off of his shoulders. He pauses for a moment, pulling away to look at you carefully.

“Are you sure you wanna do this? You know he’s gonna find out.” You roll your eyes and step out of your dress, kicking it aside and standing bare in front of the blond.

“He can go fuck himself after fucking that waitress. If he does. And if he doesn't then he’ll finally know how I’ve felt all those times when he’s come home smelling like another woman.” Steve ponders this for a moment longer before grabbing you by the waist and pulling you tight against his body.

His kisses are fierce, all teeth and tongue and power and you allow yourself to get lost in the feeling. All thoughts of Bucky are shoved aside. He’s not a priority to you tonight.

No. The only thing on your mind is revenge.

And by God does Steve make it taste sweet.

~*~

Your head is pounding and you swear you feel like you’ve swallowed sand.

The sound of a door opening makes you pry your lids open, glancing over to the sound. Steve offers you a smile, a glass of water and a couple of pills in his hands.

You sit up and rub your face before grabbing the water and painkillers, downing them both quickly then groaning.

“Where’s my phone?” You croak, holding your hand out expectantly.

Steve hesitates and you feel the atmosphere change. You lift your head and look at him, brows drawn together.

“Give it to me now.” He sighs and pulls your phone out of his back pocket, tossing it over to you.

You catch it effortlessly, turning it on while your heart beats in your throat.

Your world crumbles slightly at the sight of your lock screen.

Zero notifications from him.

Not a text.

Not one single phone call.

Nothing.

You grind your teeth together and toss the blankets off of yourself, marching over to Steve’s dresser and grabbing a pair of his sweatpants and a t-shirt that’s at least two sizes too small for him.

“Give me your keys,” you demand, marching out of the room with murder on your mind.

Steve grabs your arm but you yank out of his grip.

“Think about what you’re doing before you do it, (Y/n). Please.” You take a few deep breaths then shake your head.

“I’m just gonna go talk to him. If he’s not serious about us then neither am I. I just want to see...” You trail off and Steve sighs, handing you the keys to his Ferrari.

“If you so much as scratch the paint I’ll-” “Yeah, yeah you’ll kill me I know. It’s fine I’ll just buy you a new one.”

You’re out the door before he can say anything else, keys jammed in the car’s ignition.

Steve would have a heart attack if he saw the way you were treating his baby.

And he would die on the spot if he saw the way you drove.

By the time you’re outside the apartment you and Bucky share, you’ve had some time to cool down.

That doesn't stop you from grabbing a knife out of the glove box though.

You hold it loosely in your dominant hand as you walk into the building then up through the elevator, the trip taking far more time than usual.

But then you’re outside of your apartment, ready to have a serious conversation about where the two of you stand with regards to your relationship.

You unlock the door and push your way into the apartment, stopping right in the doorway when you see not one but two people in your home.

A piece of your heart shatters and any semblance of composure is left a step behind you.

Bucky looks like a deer in headlights, his mind foggy, but yours is working just as well as it usually does, if not better.

The waitress from the night before stands before you in your boyfriend’s shirt, a confused look on her face.

You hold the knife tighter in your grasp and pounce, the blade just nicking her throat before Bucky yanks her out of the way.

She lets out a terrified scream, stumbling to the ground and scrambling away from you.

Before you can get her again Bucky’s got your arms pinned to your sides, his metal arm holding tightly to the arm that has the knife.

“Grace, you should probably leave,” He says softly, his eyes focused on the look of pure betrayal on your face.

The waitress gets up and gathers her things quickly, her eyes on you.

You eye her with nothing but pure hatred in your gaze, straining against his hold.

He doesn’t loosen his grip until she’s safely out the door, only then does he let you go.

But what a mistake.

Your anger is now directed at him and you swipe your blade up at him, catching the apple of his cheek and leaving an angry red slice across his pretty face.

“Fuck!” He jumps back, one hand coming up to the wound while the other extends defensively in front of himself.

You don’t follow him like he thought you would. No, instead you toss the knife aside and turn away from him.

He’s utterly confused at your behaviour. It’s not like anything you’ve ever done before.

He was prepared for anger, for wrath like no other. But this? This is new territory and he hates that.

You pour yourself a glass of whiskey and bring it over to the couch, plopping down and grabbing your phone out of your pocket. Bucky approaches you slowly as if you’re an animal ready to lash out at any moment. But you don’t.

“Baby?”  He asks softly, waiting for the anger.

But he gets nothing in reply.

“I’d be using my time more wisely if I were you,” you say stoically, eyes on your phone as you fight tears.

“W-what do you mean?” He’s never felt genuine fear for his life before now.

“You have twenty-eight minutes left to get your shit and get out. Whatever’s left after that is getting burned. If you’re still here then you will also be on that list of things that will be getting burned.”

He’s shocked.

“What do you mean?” He repeats, taking a few hesitant steps closer to your figure. The way that you stay so unbothered, eyes on your phone as if he means nothing to you, it’s beyond concerning.

“I’m not going to repeat myself. It’s up to you if you want to take me seriously or not.” He’s not sure what to do, but he knows that he pushed you too far, if only from the way that you don’t give a single fuck about him.

“I-I’m sorry,” he tries, voice low and hands raised in surrender and fear, hoping to appeal to your human side.

Unfortunately for him, your human side is long gone.

“Mhm,” is all you say in reply, taking another sip of your drink and trying to remember where you keep the propane.

He starts moving then, packing up a bag that’s enough to last him a few days. He’s not sure if he should believe that you’ll actually burn his things, but he grabs all his valuables just in case.

The remaining twenty-five minutes go by far too quickly, and then he’s standing at the door, watching you rise to your feet with the utmost grace.

He watches as you start gathering up little knickknacks, stray socks and books of his, a bunch of pictures, a set of ridiculously expensive champagne glasses, and the necklace he got you for your last birthday. You toss it all into a cardboard box then head into the next room to gather more things.

His curiosity and want to preserve what little he can of the relationship gets the better of him and he hesitantly creeps his way over to the box, grabbing the pictures and the necklace.

A bullet narrowly misses his hand and he almost drops his belongings in his haste to get out of the line of fire, but you’ve got the barrel pointed directly at him again, finger hovering dangerously over the trigger.

“I told you: half an hour. You’re done. Get out. If I ever see you again, I’ll kill you.” He says nothing. Instead, he grabs his belongings and leaves without so much as a second glance.

~*~

“Have you tried talking to her? She seemed pretty pissed when she left my place.” Bucky glares at his friend, “You fucking asshole, don’t even try to give me advice, you’re the one who ruined this in the first place.”

Steve raises his brows and downs his scotch then actually laughs at his friend, the sound getting slightly drowned out by the noises in the bar

“Do I need to remind you who left the club first? You took that waitress home before (Y/n) and I even left. That’s the only reason I took her home. She would’ve fucked anybody in that club and then you would’ve gone and made a mess that I would’ve had to clean up. I took her home cause you and I both know I’ll take good care of her and won’t treat her like shit. She deserves the world, Buck, and you treat her like a piece of garbage.”

The brunet is silent as his friend tells him what he knows is true but really just doesn’t want to accept.

“That woman loves you, Buck. To the moon and back. With her whole fucking heart and soul and you stomp on it every damn chance you get. If she wasn’t so damn in love with you, I’d take her out. Wine and dine her real nice, just how she deserves. I’d show her what it’s like to be loved.”

The glass shatters in the brunet’s hand as he listens to his best friend talk about the way he’d treat the woman he loves.

“I get it! I’m a fucking idiot. I’ll go talk to her.” He drops a couple of bills on the table then marches out of the bar, trying to keep his composure and his confidence on the drive to the apartment.

He’s not sure what he’s going to say, but he knows he needs to apologize. He needs to tell you that he loves you and that you’re the only one he wants.

Hesitant knuckles knock against the door and he feels stupid. It’s his place too.

When he gets no reply he pushes the door open, his stomach dropping and his heart clenching tight in his chest.

It’s empty.

No furniture, no decorations, and not one single sign of you.

“(Y/n)?!” He calls, hand darting to the gun tucked into his pants as he explores the empty penthouse.

“(Y/n)?” His voice is softer but more desperate, the reality of the situation hitting him like a punch in the gut.

You’re gone.

He lost you. And he’s not sure if he’s gonna be able to get you back.

~*~

You shoulder your way into the tiny shithole that you’re calling home, brows drawn together and shoulders heavy with exhaustion.

“Love the new place.” You’ve got a gun raised and aimed at the voice, heart racing in your chest at the fact that you didn’t even realize they were here.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” You demand, not lowering your weapon as you walk into the living room.

He’s seated on the couch, eyes staring straight through the window across from him.

“You left,” is all he says.

You want to scoff.

Scratch that; you want to shout. To yell and scream and beat him to a bloody pulp. You want to ask him why. Why he hurt you so badly and why he acts like he did nothing.

Instead, you walk past him and set your gun on the table.

“Why did you leave?” His voice is closer than before, his feet silent as they carry him towards you. You’re in your bedroom, raking your hands through your hair as you try to handle the situation.

“Why?” He asks again, two metal fingers just hardly brushing against your bicep. You yank yourself away from him, eyes full of rage and betrayal as you glare at him.

“Don’t you fucking dare touch me! You have no fucking right!” He takes a moment to look you over, a frown on his face as he sees how upset you are.

This isn’t how this usually goes. Usually, the two of you shout and scream at each other, then fuck all the anger out.

But not this time.

No, this time it’s different. Because there’s more than just anger on your face.

The look of pain, of absolute agony on your face, has his heart shattering in his chest.

“Doll... I’ll never be able to apologize for what I did. I just...”  “You just what, Bucky?” You never call him that. Exhaustion laces your voice and your shoulders slump forward.

“You just what? You wanted to hurt me again? Well congrats, you did a great job. Now please leave. I don't want to see you. Not now and not ever fucking again.” He shakes his head as you turn away from him again.

“No, no you don’t mean that. We’re good together. We’re so fucking good together. You’re the Lois Lane to my Superman. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted.”

His words are dripping with desperation and truth. He’s scared, terrified that this is the end. But he’s talked you back before, he can do it again.

“I’ve been hurt before, Buck. And when I saw... that... it felt like there was a knife in my fucking throat. Like someone was stabbing me in the chest and in the back all at the same time. I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t fight. And you know what? I’m done fighting. I’m done fighting you, I’m done fighting for you and, I’m so fucking done fighting for us. It’s not worth it anymore.”

He shakes his head but you continue, not giving him a moment to speak.

“We’re not good together. We’re toxic. We’re so fucking toxic but you love it. You love that I hate you because I always come crawling back. You never let me leave, you’ve never ever told me you loved me. It’s always been me. I was the only one who ever tried to salvage our relationship and I’m done doing that.”

He shakes his head, swallowing the sorrow and bile in his throat at the way your voice breaks, the way you crack and splinter and shatter right before his very own eyes.

And it’s his fault. He caused this. He's the one who hurt you.

“Doll I love you. So fucking much. I feel so fucking ashamed for everything I’ve done and the way that I’ve acted.” You scoff, shaking your head at him, “as you fucking should. I’m not going to comfort you. You see me crumbling, see me in pain, and all you've ever done is stand by and watch the show. I won’t let you. Not anymore.”

You sniffle and scrub a tear off of your cheek, your voice shaking as you start speaking again.

“I love you. So much that I can fucking hardly breathe when I’m with you. And when I fell in love with you... it hit me out of the blue. Out of fucking nowhere. I never wanted t-to hurt you or to make you upset. Now I can’t even look at you. You said you’d be my ride or die but you have never been there when I’ve needed you.”

His eyes are red-rimmed and his heart is in his stomach. This isn’t happening. It can’t be happening.

“B-But I can change. Just give me another chance, please, doll. I swear things will be different this time.”

You shake your head angrily, furious that you’re having to have this conversation with him.

“No! You don’t get it! You don’t get another chance, this isn’t a game! You lied again and now you’re going to fucking watch me walk out of your life and I’m not going to fucking look back!”

“Baby, please. Just... I just... I need you so much. I know I wasn’t there for you and I know it wasn’t you and it was me but your temper’s just as bad as mine is and we’re both stubborn as hell and so fucking crazy. Our relationship isn’t as bad as it seems and I love you too much for you to walk away. Come home, we can try again.”

You’re crying now, arms crossed tightly over your chest in a pathetic attempt at protecting yourself

“You’re a broken record, Bucky. Playing the same damn thing over and over again. You don’t mean a word you’re saying.”

He winds up and his fist slams into the wall, a large hole gaping in the drywall.

There goes your damage deposit.

Tears are streaking down his face and his chest is heaving as emotions wrack through his body, tearing him limb from limb and setting him on fire.

“You’re not even listening to me! Don't you hear the sincerity in my voice! I told you this was my fault! I know it’s all my fault! Next time-”

“Next time?!” You actually laugh, though the two of you know there’s no humour behind it. “You don’t get a ‘next time’! We’re done! We’re fucking done!”

“No! You’re not listening to me! All I want is to have you back home! I’m tired of these fucking games! Come home!”

He reaches for you, hands grasping your waist, and you shimmy out of his grip and back up in the bedroom, absolutely fuming at the audacity this man has.

“This isn’t a fucking game, James! If you ever come near me again I will tie you to that fucking bed and set this place on fire! I will show you exactly how you’ve made me felt and by the end of it you’ll be begging me to kill you!”

The two of you stand facing off with each other, tears falling and eyes narrowed, but you won’t give in.

Not this time.

After a few very long minutes his shoulders sag and his entire demeanour changes as he accepts defeat. As he realizes that you’re not giving in this time.

He lost.

He lost you.

“Alright. If that’s what you want, fine.” He turns around and walks towards the front door, each step sending a sharp fiery pain through his chest.

He hesitates when he gets to the door, eyes squeezed shut as he waits, hopes, and prays for you to stop him.

But you say nothing. You only watch him, wait for him to leave and take all his lies and deceit away.

He pulls the door open, steps through, and turns around, red eyes focused solely on you.

You muster up your courage and take calculated steps through the apartment towards the front door.

His heart jumps up into his throat, lips parting to apologize and to thank you for giving him another chance, but he doesn’t get a word out.

No, you close the door in his face and leave him standing alone on the other side, your decision having been made.

His movements are mechanical as he makes his way to his car, keys in the ignition and foot on the gas.

It can’t be real.

It can’t be.

He finds himself back in your old apartment, eyes on the absolute nothingness, a perfect representation of your relationship.

A strangled sob leaves his lips, and then another one. And another until they’re consuming him and he’s on the floor, unable to breathe or move.

No, he curls up in the fetal position, hunched in on himself, and screams your name. He curses himself, his friends, his stupidity.

He deserves this. He knows that.

He’s a lost cause.

Loving him was a mistake on your part.

But that doesn’t make the hurt go away.

Fuck, he wants the hurt to go away.

[angeloncewas]

okay but you’re so right about this fandom and the weaponizing their minority status

like, yes poc creators have a hard time and they deal with a lot of shit, but the way to help them is not bringing other creators down. it’s to support poc creators! and support poc creators because they’re good at creating and they make good content!

my least favorite thing people do is go on twitter, and list poc streamers solely by their minority status, it feels like you should only watch a streamer because of the boxes you can tick off for them and that’s so fucked up. i would absolutely hate if I were a cc and someone said “oh watch her she’s a queer woc” like I have nothing else to offer? bro at least talk about my content a little bit?

also not to mention manatreed is definitely going to be either dream, another well known cc, or one of Dream’s very close friends, so it’s not like he randomly picked someone and went “even though you never made any content, you’re a white guy so I’m gonna add you onto the dsmp!” like, can we use our brains? or any critical thinking?

Sorry for this rant btw, but you’re just so right and it always pisses me off how people treat minorities in the first place. i know a lot of people on twitter is doing it with good intentions but it’s weirdly dehumanizing to act like you should only add people to dsmp based on their skin color or something

This was my original point, and I actually have a post in my drafts somewhere about it because it's been on my mind for a while.

I am Asian. Being Asian is inherent to who "Angel" is and while I didn't really accept that for a long time, I am very much in tune with my culture at this point. And yet this hyperfocus on identity that Twitter has developed still drives me mad. This notion that someone is definitely inherently more knowledgeable on a topic purely because of their skin color; that you should support someone purely on the basis that they're [x] - it's always bothered me.

And I understand wanting to lessen the inequality, I really do. It's why people who need money often include what minority groups they're a part of - it's a way of saying "society is working against me and thus I would appreciate your support to combat that." I don't think it's wrong necessarily and I'm definitely softer on it than I used to be. But it still does bother me for all the reasons you stated.

Reducing me to your perception of who I am feels gross even when it's my minority status. Racists are also fixated on the fact that I'm Asian because it's the "other" part of me; I should be allowed to be whoever I am, all things included. (I'm using myself here as an example because I don't wanna drag other people in or use examples I can't directly speak for - but y'know, Tina should be allowed to be Tina and not just Asian woman. Sniff should be allowed to be Sniff and not just nonbinary. They're worth watching for what they do, not just because you want to stick it to society.)

And the way it goes is so wild to me too. I mean, look at how they treat Hannah. I understand that discrimination due to race and gender are two incredibly different things, but you're willfully ignorant if you're gonna pretend that Hannah hasn't had to combat a whole lot of shit to get where she is - including pretty recent on-stream harassment from another cc who turned out to be a total creep. Gaming is a white male dominated industry and Hannah - though white - is a woman. That's something to consider. But they don't give a shit because they don't like her and she won't fold.

(And the framing... they're acting like Dream saw Manatreed and said "you sir, are white. welcome to the SMP." like if you think that poorly of him then I think you're spending your time wrong.)

No worries for the rant - I agree with you. It does feel dehumanizing and I don't know why they're so invested in it. Like, I guess I kind of get why - they really flock to their community due to bigots - but I've faced my fair share of racism and I would rather no one - not even people doing it to hype me up - start with the fact that I'm a woc.