#I am the worst employee on the planet

[fuck-customers]

Kind of a fuck customers but also a satisfying story at the same time.

My role in the call center I work in involves taking specifically corporate calls, which means I spend all day talking to “business professionals” (and I use that term loosely) including CEOs. As you can imagine, over 90% of these CEOs are the scum of the earth and the most entitled assfaces on the planet.

A week or so ago, I took a call and went through my usual routine of greeting the cardholder and then began going over verification questions. Since we’re A.) a bank and B.) a bank that handles corporate and government credit cards, we take security seriously and require a caller to be able to verify 3 pieces of information based on what the person responsible for their credit cards put on the account. If they don’t pass, we refer them to their company to get the right details.

So as I’m doing this, the guy on the phone is getting increasingly irritated as he keeps getting the security questions wrong. I’m calm and professional the entire time but firm. Eventually I run out of things to verify with him and tell him that we won’t be able to assist and that he needs to contact his administrator. This is apparently where I went wrong.

“LADY I AM THE ADMINISTRATOR!!” He screeches. Ok, great. I look him up and that’s true but there’s a second admin listed, so I ask him to check in with him. He then yells “THERE IS NO OTHER ADMIN! I’M THE CEO OF THIS COMPANY FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!!”

I apologize and tell him while that may be true, he still got his security questions wrong and needs to reach out to his account coordinator then. This man then proceeds to scream at me for the next minute or so saying how we’re an awful bank, how he’s had problems with us for years, blah blah and how we have the worst customer service ever. Keep in mind, I’ve been nice and empathetic this entire time but also I’m not gonna lose my fucking job just because a guy in a suit doesn’t know his shit. I give him the email to his account coordinator and stress again that he needs to talk to them. Then this exchange happens:

Him: “So let me get this straight. You are saying you are REFUSING and UNWILLING to help me, right?

Me: “No, actually I’d love to help you, however we have these security procedures in place for yours and your company’s protection and cannot make exceptions for anyone.”

Him: “This is fucking UNBELIEVABLE! I’ve HAD IT with this bank!!”

Me: “Ok, I’m sorry to hear that. Anything else I can do for you before we disconnect?”

Him: “WHAT IS YOUR NAME? I NEED YOUR NAME. NOW.”

Me: *gives my first name and spells it for him even though it’s a very basic 4 letter name because I’m a bitch*

Him: YOUR LAST NAME.

Me: “We don’t give out anything but our first name for the safety of our employees.”

Him: *insert that condescending, pissed off chuckle middle aged men do when they’re mad here* “Well I’ll tell you what (My Name), when I close this account and pull my MILLIONS OF DOLLARS out of (bank name) and they ask me why, I’ll make sure to tell them that it’s (My Name)’s fault. And I will see to it that you won’t be able to get another job outside of the minimum wage fast food job or whatever you had before this. How does that sound?”

Me: “Sounds great. Now seeing as how this conversation is no longer productive or professional and threats are being made, I’ll be terminating the call, have a nice day.”

Him: “DO NOT HANG UP O-“

Me: *click*

And that’s how making rich, powerful men rage-cry became my new favorite hobby. Thankfully, I haven’t gotten any feedback on that call; not that I would, seeing as how I did my job exactly how I was supposed to. Anyways I hope I’m his 13th reason. ❤️

Posted by admin Rodney.

[hana-bobo-finch]

Assorted pikmin headcanons that I might end up deleting bc I definitely haven’t already posted enough today

• Most Hocotatians can’t grow facial hair. Those who can are greatly envied (even if it’s just a few scraggly hairs like the president)

• Hocotate is mostly desert. Because of this, hocotatians generally don’t need as much water as others.

• Yonny is. Extremely in love with dingo. But he still tries to be a good wingman when dingo’s trying to talk to shepherd cause even if he’s insane he’s a good friend

• Louie tries to zone out when olimar’s telling him “stories” (which are more just olimar’s train of thought) but ends up subconsciously retaining it all. He remembers more about olimar than olimar himself.

• Collin actually has social anxiety despite being the comms guy, ironically the only way he’s found that he can calm himself is to never stop talking. So he yaps. A lot.

• Yonny’s tried to tell dingo before that his disliking of dogs probably stems from some form of ptsd from the time he thought he was being attacked during a rescue. Dingo just bragged about it because he thought having trauma made him sound more “badass.” It did not. He was very confused when he got sympathy and not admiration.

• Olimar gets frustrated with Louie very easily, but keeps it hidden because Louie gets chastised by the other employees and the president a lot and olimar wants to be the one to help him instead of just yelling at him.

• Hocotate freight, despite being tasked with large shipping jobs, is a rather small company with barely any employees. There’s pretty much no experience needed other than a basic pilot’s license to get a job there because the president is so desperate for workers

• Louie doesn’t even have a pilot license. He only managed to get hired because his nana convinced the president to hire him because of his family’s lineage of renowned pilots.

• His nana didn’t even ask Louie before getting him hired. He was looking to get a fry cook job at a restaurant nearby to save up for culinary school. He just went with it because he didn’t want to disappoint her

• Collin is aroace. He doesn’t know it, he just thinks he’s “too busy” for sex and romance (am I just saying that bc I’m projecting onto him nooooo I would neeever do that)

• Koppaites generally age physically slower than most. Giyans? What’s it called uhh. People from giya tend to physically age faster. They both have roughly the same life expectancy, though

• it’s a common practice on most civilized planets for the people to dye their hair, as they all share the trait of usually greying quickly. Only hocotatians don’t do this, as they over time have developed hair that retains its color longer—although they have less of it

• Louie hates space travel. He gets motion sickness easily. Olimar, on the other hand, loves it, and likes to do tricks with his ship when flying like spinning around. Somehow that’s never been the cause of a crash, the worst that’s happened was just louie feeling sick

• dingo has low iron levels. I have nothing more to add it is just definitely true

• whenever Louie’s on pnf-404 by himself, he survives the creatures by just ignoring them. Turns out a lot of them aren’t inherently violent or have a taste for hocotatian. The ones that do attack can be defeated easily by giving them poisonous plants

• Many of the planets are more of dwarf planets, if even that. Only hocotate, koppai, Giya, and pnf 404 are larger. Most of them are tiny and in the same solar system, making them almost more akin to different countries or continents than entirely different planets

that is all for my yapping goodbye

[starwrighter]

I am not a baby!! (Yes you are)

(Ao3) (Masterpost) (Previous)

(Chapter 19 another long one)

His base shook like an earthquake hit, knocking him off his feet. The lights in his sea base flashed an angry red, a jarring siren sounding inside metal walls. “Shit shit shit shit shit!” Danny screamed, rushing to the front hatch, silicone flippers slapping against the floor.

Thoughts cluttered Danny’s throbbing skull. Had the reaper followed them? Why wasn’t Dami doing anything about it? Did the reaper hurt him that badly? Why wouldn’t this door fucking open?!

It didn’t give a single inch no matter how hard he pushed the sturdy glass hatch. Nothing he tried seemed to work, the door didn’t want to budge. Even when he threw all his weight against the glass like a living battering ram something pushed back every time. Staring through the glass, his blood began to broil like milk placed on a hot stove.

What.

The.

Actual.

FUCK!

Curses fell past his lips like heavy rainfall. Words that would make a sailor blush and land him a permanent grounding if someone heard. Barely legible words, too big for his mouth to keep up with. Feelings too big for his body left him wailing on the metal floor.

His only door was blocked by Dami, keeping him prisoner in his own Seabase. Forget anything he said about Dami not being cruel, this fish was a cold, callous bastard who deserved to be mauled! False imprisonment. Kept in a cage like a rowdy puppy!

This was a setup for a gruesome true crime documentary. One that’d have scary music with violins and a poorly tuned piano for dramatic effect. It would have that one moment where a photo of them had its colors inverted so the narrator could build up suspense. “They were friends until they weren’t,” Then they’d go on to describe in graphic detail how Danny starved to death in his fucking base. He’d be the cautionary tale Alterra would use; twisting the actual cause to benefit the company and shame employees.

His Seabase suddenly felt incredibly small as breathing sharpened. Yanking hard on locks of raven hair Danny let out a scream. Snot dripped down his nose, scalding hot tears burning against chilled skin. He wasn’t trained for any of this shit! Why did nobody think to put a “giant fish bastard,” protical in the survival guide? Didn’t Alterra pride itself on being prepared?

Slamming fists against glass, he could feel his flesh begin to bruise; short fingernails dug into his palms with every heavy hit. Feet slammed into the door like mini hammers. Hinges creaked as Dami put more weight into keeping his base sealed tighter than Pandora’s box. Fucker!

He felt like a toddler throwing a tantrum, kicking, screaming, crying. This was a justified tantrum though. Nothing about this situation was trivial. His entire body could be crushed within a matter of minutes. All Dami had to do was put a little too much weight on his roof and he was flat as a pancake. It didn’t even need to be purposeful! The worst part was; he couldn’t even look his captor in the eye because his thick skull was blocking the fucking door!

Coiled around his base like a snake he made himself at home. Technically, this planet was his home but the fucker was suffocating himself to be petty. Normally, he respected petty behavior; pettiness flowed through his veins but this shit crossed past the line of petty revenge or malicious compliance.

All it would take is one wrong move for his solar panels to be damaged. Just a few seconds of curiosity for him to pluck them off the roof like dandelions in an open field. Without a source of power pumping breathable air into the base would be a distant memory. One he’d miss oh so much when his face was turning purple as he slowly suffocated to death! To add insult to injury, he’d be dying in a place he specifically built to be his safe haven in a sea of salt water.

Even if they weren’t damaged, his power situation looked as bleak as his academic future. Daylight wouldn’t last forever and solar panels weren’t exactly known for their effectiveness at night! A power outage that lasted more than a few minutes would kill him. Such a stupid way for him to die; the only redeeming feature of that death would be the location. Dying on a planet unexplored by humans was decently cool no matter how you spun it.

Would he come back afterward this time too? When he’d been gargling on his blood as his Lifepod crashed to the sea; not once did he think there would be another chance for him. Danny could only assume it’s three strikes and you’re out, but when it came down to weird zombie resurrections he could never be sure. Would he be caught in a death loop? Doomed to slowly die of suffocation over and over again until Dami decided he’d had his fun?

Is this a normal prank for a fish teenager to pull? Because this was sociopathic behavior if this was a prank. The language barrier made the situation a little better, but it wasn’t a get-out-of-jail-free card. Language barrier or not this was still leaving a dog in a hot car levels of stupidity.

This was such a cruel thing the universe decided to do to him. What had he done to deserve this? He hadn’t cheated on the CATs. Not in this timeline at least. Was this some form of divine punishment or did he just have an aura that made everyone want to screw him over? Either way, if this guy really thought of him as a pet he’d be in for a surprise when Danny built a fucking taser. Let him have a taste of what made him so awesome!

With a sneer, Danny watched the window. Dami’s midsection was pressed against the glass. Dots ran across his body, a straight line of tiny circles glowing dimly with the setting sun. A built-in night light to help Dami sleep at night knowing how terrible he was being right now. Pale desaturated blue faded to a shadow-like black. The transparent looked ghostly, like he could run his hands straight through it. A feat he was capable of doing without breaking a sweat not even a week ago.

Glowering, he slammed his hands against the window with a rage burning brighter than the stars in the sky. How could he convince a giant sea serpent teenager to piss off? Without his ghostly wail to boost his volume loud enough to shatter glass and crumple buildings, shouting was a useless scare tactic.

Dami couldn’t plan on blocking the door forever; could he? Maybe he was just pissed Danny ignored him about the crash zone. If he’d understood that hungry murder fish were chilling near the crash zone he probably would’ve gone anyway just to see it. But he hadn’t known; how could you punish him for that?

Actually, there were a lot of people who’d do that.

With a heavy sigh, his shoulders sagged, every breath of fresh air exhausted him to the core. Eyelids drooped anxiety battling against the growing need for rest. He could wait this out; Dami’s only mortal, he can't stay forever…

But he could keep his lazy ass parked here long enough for his supports to give in under his weight. His foundations continued to creak, a nauseating groaning of metal being strained. It was a pure miracle his base hadn’t collapsed already!

Danny screamed, collapsing into a heap of snot and tears. Chubby fingers smudged the glass. He’d never felt so useless in his life. Not when his parents rambled about ripping his alter ego molecule by molecule and not when his grades slipped through his fingers. Life sucked when you didn’t have a grocery list of superpowers at your fingertips. He felt further from normal than ever. Dying a second time had made him more freakish than the first.

A Useless freak! Wasn’t this just a wonderful predicament? This was the perfect use of precious time. It wasn’t like the Aurora’s drive core was a ticking time bomb that would explode into a massive conglomerate of metal with enough radiation to cause a mass extinction…

Oh, wait, what’s that? The Aurora is a fucking quantum detonation waiting to happen? And he’ll be stuck here like a toddler trapped in their playpen when it happens? How wonderful! Here Danny thought he could actually try to help. You know, find a way to be useful when the tragedy happened instead of waiting a week to gather the supplies he’d need to do anything.

Instead, he was trapped here with no laser cutter, no seamoth, no propulsion gun, and no radiation suit to do anything but wilt like a daisy planted in battery acid when the radiation spread out. He couldn’t go check if the Degasi base even existed either! He couldn’t check down there for anything useful and he couldn’t check to see if anyone was alive! All because a stupid teenager decided Danny’s a puppy who needs kennel training!

All he wanted now was to phase his hands through the glass and punch Dami when he wasn’t expecting it. To scare the teen into running to tell his parents about how mean Danny is. He didn’t care! He’d throw hands with however many parents and siblings Dami had! Lay down with dogs get up with fleas. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. At this point, ghosting should be the consequence of stupid actions.

Something tight wrapped around his wrist squeezing flesh and bone in a python-like grip. The curtain clung to his wrist, his entire hand stuck through it like he’d punched a hole through. A transparent ripple in the fabric circled his hand, a defiance of physics he’d never been so excited to see.

If anyone took a picture of him right now you’d think he won the lottery. Intangibility, his beloved! Oh, how he desperately missed it. Attempting to pull his hand back, Danny blinked owlishly when his hand remained firmly implanted in the fabric. He braced his foot against the glass, tugging as hard as he cut but the curtain rods just groaned, creaking under his weight.

It reminded him of the first few months after the accident; when his powers just didn’t do what he wanted them to do. Of all the times he’d fallen through his locker door. All the poor beakers and cups that'd slip through his fingers and shatter on the ground. Every memory of a mistake or malfunction a reminder that things weren’t always as easy as he mourned them to be.

What happened?

When did walking through walls become as easy as breathing for him? Something he could do without thinking or breaking a sweat. There had to be a turning point. A moment when everything clicked into place like puzzle pieces. Not having some sort of dampener might’ve helped. Maybe he just needed to think intangible thoughts?

Uhhhhh…

Blob ghosts!

Technus, Ember, Skulker, Pointdexter!

…

Nothing.

The cloth continued to strangle his wrist, cutting off his blood flow, turning his hand a frightening shade of red. Irritated and throbbing with every second the limb went without the crucial oxygen it needed. Yanking back with all his pitiful might, the metal rod groaned with each tug.

This stupid curtain was going to take his hand. The limb was going to go necrotic and fall off like a twisted 1600s fairytale! It wouldn’t even be one of those fairytales that got butchered into a poorly produced Disney movie! Just a cautionary tale that parents would use to scare children out of throwing tantrums. And it would happen because this thin piece of cloth just-

Wouldn’t.

Let.

Go.

Thud!

Blunt pain shot up his back as he toppled over like a house of cards. Static shot up throughout his arms, fingers tingling as blood finally flowed freely again. Wiggling each finger individually, bright purplish red faded to its normal pallor hue. Breathless, excitement surged in his chest, freedom at the tips of his fingers. Intangibility! It’d worked! An excited squeal died on his lips both hands blocking noise from alerting his self-assigned prison warden.

When this was over he’d never take his powers for granted ever again! Never in a billion years! Forget being normal. Normal is the path of the coward; he’s a fucking ghost! Danny Phantom; that’s who he is! Not some pet for an oversized oceanic teenager or the cowardly dumbass of a family chalked full of geniuses everyone thought him to be.

Freedom was just a few feet away now. All he needed to do was brute force his intangibility into working again…

Easier said than done.

Something somewhere in this solar system really didn’t want him to use his powers but that something could go pound sand for all he cared. He had a Seabase to explore and a Leviathan to punch when he got back.

Slowly, he crept toward the far side of his base. The closest he could get to kelp forests without leaving his base. The furthest he could get from Dami’s face. There would be no invisibility to shield him from Dami’s gaze if the leviathan turned his head.

This escape had to be flawless! Not a single glowing eye could land on him; not for a single millisecond. There was no doubt Dami would attempt to follow him. He’d been willing to follow Danny into reaper-infested waters to act as a guard dog!

Squishing his body against the floor, Danny squeezed his fists tight. He needed to be ready to swim. As fast as he could and as stealthy as physically possible; Dami couldn’t be given a chance to catch him. One poorly placed grab and Danny could be shish kabobed by his claws in an instant!

Metal walls groaned, Dami’s python-like grip denting titanium and straining glass. Danny hissed, a cheek pressed up against the wall; he’s going to implode at the rate things were going. This Leviathan needed to take a chill pill before he gave himself a heart attack and a murder charge.

He kept his breathing deep and slow; his eyes pinned to the window. Muscles lax, palms flat on the ground a tingling sensation sparked through his body as he slowly sunk through the floor.

There wasn’t a second of hesitation in his mind; when he made it through he booked it. Not a single thought of reluctance could make him falter. Any coherent idea was drowned out by the desperate need to reach the kelp forests. Only when he swam deep into green-tinted waters did he allow himself to look back. …

Dami hadn’t followed him?

Did Dami think he wasn’t worth chasing? How dare he. Maybe he just didn’t see him? There wasn’t exactly an abundance of creatures who could through both walls and flesh but Danny couldn’t help feeling disappointed. It wasn’t like he wanted to be hunted down like an animal but a little recognition would be nice.

Pouting, a frown tugged on his lips, his PDA lighting up his face in the fleeting daylight scrutinizing the coordinates on screen. A deep yellow light shone from clusters of seeds like naturally grown lamp posts in a busy forest of kelp. Groups of Stalkers prowled the biome, their lack of bioluminescence allowing them to cloak themselves in the setting sun.

The signal was closer to the Aurora than he’d previously thought. It wasn’t clear if it was directly in the crash site but it was definitely close enough to guarantee a lethal injury if the drive core decided to explode while he was busy poking his nose in Torgal Corps business. Was this really worth the risk?

…

Yes.

Absolutely.

Without a possible doubt.

There was something fishy going on and he wanted to know if this was a Scooby-Doo situation. The Torgal’s in all their eccentric glory dressed themselves up as giant fish to keep the planet for themselves. At least in a scenario like that everyone would be mostly alive.

A naive part of him wanted to believe that. Was the lack of human contact already getting to him? Maybe it was the PDA’s explanation for morbid realities? Death dumbed down and sugarcoated to the point your brain would rot if you took it seriously. It was like the PDA couldn’t grip his reading comprehension and common sense was above that of an infant!

The tablet not thinking he could piece together what happened to the people in lifepod three made sense. But life pod seventeen?? Ozzy’s death was clear cut; eaten by a giant snake,done! Trauma contained, business as usual until, finally in his late fifties he realized how badly the situation fucked him up. With how the tablet tried to explain things he'd go his entire life thinking Ozzy and anyone who didn’t make it to a life pod “Went to live on a farm off-planet,”

Would the PDA try to explain things away if he found a skeleton?

Yeah, he didn’t actually want an answer to that question. Finding someone dead was the last thing anyone wanted unless they were a mortician…Or a serial killer.

As hypocritical as it might sound, he’d prefer to find living people. At this point, he wouldn’t even mind if he found ghosts. He needed there to be ghosts. For those who died to tell him who they were. Names, their favorite colors, what they wanted to do with their lives. Anything to prove these people were something other than their last words. Something to prove they were something other than a number on a list of casualties. He had to find something.

He would find something; someone, scanners be damned.

A dense forest of kelp transitioned to the plateaus red grass sprouting from the seabed as distance ticked down. Wrecks he didn’t have the tools nor the energy to explore taunted him. Tantalizing, wires smoked and sparked as if screaming of all the possible valuables hidden inside.

See if he cared. There was someplace much cooler for him to explore! Ancient's forbid there be something as abhorrent as ugh; walls down there. Hopefully, they were sensible enough to leave a key under the doormat.

Chunks of seamoths half buried in the sand were scattered near each wreck. Storage crates filled with only the mangled remains of what once was a complex piece of technology. Tools gnarled and melted, fragments of what they used to be. Reduced to nothing but an expensive piece of scrap. It was a miracle his scanner could salvage anything from some of this stuff!

How would the PDA even make some of these blueprints useable? Would it babyproof the laser cutter? Cutting through layers of steel wasn’t what he’d call a safe activity. You could easily chop off a hand or foot if you weren’t careful. The heat would cauterize it too so the chance of reattaching anything was small. Maybe it was like those car doors that stopped automatically so it wouldn’t crush your hand?

How would it make the seamoth usable? He’d thought about it briefly before but now that he had the blueprints in hand his curiosity tripled. A seamoth was essentially just a submarine but felt closer to a car than anything else. Would the tablet even allow him to make one? He hadn’t had a license before the crash but now that he’s funsized it’s twice as dangerous!

The PDA did let him swim around with a knife, but giving him a car was a bit much even for Alterra. Then again; they did bring a fourteen-year-old into space so maybe the line was further away than he thought?

Watching the numbers tick down as he paddled closer to his destination, he shook his head. Alterra’s restrictions were a problem for the future. Present him should stick to worrying about the Degasi.

Between the bright red grass of the plateaus and the murky green of the kelp forest was what he needed. A chasm leading downwards was illuminated by mushrooms clinging to stone. A scratchy roar muffled by the depth gave him goosebumps.

He broke for the surface, taking a huge gasp of air as his tanks topped up. Those snake-like creatures Ozzy talked about were down there. Something he found terrifying on its own without knowing they already had a taste for human flesh. Flesh, bone, and everything in between, nothing had been spared.

Ancient’s, these guys better not be like owls.

Blinking a gruesome image out of his brain, he delved down into the chasm. Darker and darker, a purplish glow lit up his face. The jellyfish mushrooms he’d seen before filled the biome. With caps like pretty pink jellyfish and their stems dark and strong. A piece of flora he’d expect to see in the ghost zone but also fit with what all those old sci-fi comics said alien life would be like.

A fish that looked like a peeper swam near, its eye a bright magenta and its tail like dripping wax. The light from his seaglid startled the fish into a hasty retreat.

It’s not long until he finds what he was looking for… Or at least what’s left of it. Every inch of metal was covered in rust, barnacles fused to the roof. A compartment collapsed to the floor, seawater flooded the base.

He knew; before he even stepped foot in that seabase that nobody lived there for a very long time. Only curious fish looking for somewhere to hide.

A spotlight hung from the roof almost indistinguishable from the rusted rooftop. A water filter stuck out against smoother surfaces. The survivors who stayed here were in it for the long hall or at least they tried to be. It hadn’t exactly gone well for them from what he could tell.

A PDA glowing dimly where a compartment had collapsed. A single log transferred to his PDA before the tablet went blank.

“Son, there is always a pecking order, and in our world, money makes the hierarchy,” An older voice begins. “I pay Maida a fraction of what I pay, and you a fraction of what I pay me,” He’s confident like each word was a law set in stone.

“If money makes the hierarchy, why is Marguerite making the decisions?” A much younger voice questioned.

“We NEED her.” The older man emphasizes. “We let her think what she likes, so long as she does what she’s told,”

“And what if she doesn’t?” The younger prods.

“For enough money, she will. People always do.” This Paul Torgal sounded like he'd get along well with Vlad.

The whole “ Everything and everyone can be bought if you have enough money,” Was straight up the Fruitloop’s alley, never mind the fact that it’s blatantly wrong. They’re both delusional old men; maybe they could bond over that?

Shaking his head Danny stared at a duo of hanging plants. Downward spirals that reminded him of jellyfish stingers. Their bright purple glow screamed, “Touch me and you’ll have a very bad time.” A carnivorous plant that ate small fish.

Now, he wasn’t a fish; but he was small. Small enough to be eaten whole by a crabsnake and small enough to squeeze by the stingers without even grazing them.

Trash was piled throughout the base; wires hanging from the ceiling of a multipurpose room. Plenty of things to scan yet not a single person in sight. Though, he wasn’t quite sure he’d expected to find anyone in here in the first place. The base was flooded; bottom to top. Not a single foot of this base was free from seawater.

Two PDAs sat abandoned in the room. One stashed away in an open locker; the other sat flat on a desk. Both of them still glowed dimly despite human hands not grazing those screens since they were abandoned. It was a miracle these PDAs managed to turn on let alone transfer any data! Yet here it was; two logs and coordinates right here for him to gawk at.

Maybe Tucker was right about the older PDA models being better. A notification popped up on his PDA; a reminder that his “Bedtime” was near. He ignored it; simply ushering a gentle reassurance to the tablet. Clearly, it’s jealous and was trying to redirect his attention.

{Proposed Degasi Habitat (500m)}

500 meters down?! What were these people trying to swim down to the core of the earth?! This base already flooded! What made them think they could keep the seawater out when the pressure was a thousand times worse?

Tapping the play button he decided he’d give them a chance to explain themselves as he poked his scanner everywhere he could.

“You know what Maida told me today?” Paul's voice starts, leaving Danny to guess.

It had to be something along the lines of, “Pull that stick out of your ass!” Or maybe “ Stop being such a massive douchenozzle,”

“She wants to build a habitat 500 meters below sea level more than a kilometer northeast of here. And she needs Bart and I to do it,” Oh, that explained the crazy scuba diving he’d be needing to do. Maida won this battle.

With a shake of his head, Danny kept his scanner pointed at the water filter. It stuck out of the wall like a sore thumb a piece of tech that hadn’t been changed since the day it was sent out. Pretty sure the same brand of water filters had been tucked away in the cargo bay. Hey, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. Though he’s not sure if that still applied when it came to life-saving technology.

Danny only paid half attention to the man as he rambled about Meida like he was a grade-schooler who didn’t understand bullying your crush wasn’t the way to get their attention. “She’s being so reckless! I am obviously the leader of this group meh meh meh meh meh,” Please, this guy had a superiority complex every word he spoke screamed of it. Even when he spoke with his son, it sounded so insincere and- what in the fresh fuck?!

He’s eighty?! No wonder he was spouting nonsense; he’s completely senile! Eighty years left in him; that was mother Gothel level shit right there. Does Bart have healing hair? Is that why Paul sounded so freaking. Seriously all this talk about mortality and replacing livers like that’s a normal thing to do when you get old.

“It’s my responsibility to make a decision. Return to the island and hope whatever knocked the Degasi out of the sky won’t do the same to the rescue ship, or take us deeper in search of answers. All the while hoping old age gets to me before the sea monsters do.”

Danny hoped old age got him first too. Not that he wanted anyone to die. He’d just prefer it if whatever sea monsters the old Fruitloop was talking about didn’t have a taste for human flesh. Maybe they already did? After all, two ships had been knocked out of the atmosphere with no hesitation. Not even a warning shot or redneck war cry of “Get off my turf!”

Just- BAM!

A hundred people dead without so much of a clue what the hell had happened! What was the point of that? It needlessly destroyed the planet. Was human flesh that tasty? Should he be flattered? He probably shouldn’t. People are dead and more would be dead if he didn’t find out what was happening on this freaky planet!

Swimming through the hallway the drooping stingers gave the room an eerie glow. Yet another tablet sat on a desk a few feet away from a double bed. The only bed he’d found in this seabase. Maybe they scrapped the other ones but Danny preferred to think the Degasi survivors packed themselves together like sardines. With Marguerit and Paul glaring daggers at each other while Bart acted as a living barrier.

A funny situation to think about while he did his best to brush away the morbid reality that these people were dead. To brush off the sinking feeling in his stomach that something much worse than flesh-eating sea monsters was going on here.

Call it morbid curiosity but he’d never been one to mind his business back home. What made anyone think he’d stop now that he’d been stranded on an alien planet? He’s the perfect example of a real-life horror movie protagonist. One you’d scream at through the screen as he waltzed right into a situation that’d kill him. With that said, he pressed play on another log.

“We’re already 200m below sea level! You want to go deeper,” He could empathize with the guy. Fish got freaky the deeper down you went. His PDA blared, an upgrade for his air tank added to his blueprints.

“Look around us Chief. Water leaking through the hull. Water outside the hatch. We’re drowning. Real slow.” Marguerite drawled out the last sentence. It’s clear in her voice; she’s already made up her mind.

If rescue arrives whatever shot us down is going to do it again. And again. Until it’s shut off. You see an off switch around here, chief?” The word chief sounded like a devastating insult when it came from Marguerit. A sardonic hint to her voice that

“Why would it any more likely be half a kilometer down?!” Paul shouted.

“Your kid found something on the scanner. There’s something down there. Something that shouldn’t be,” She states, and if Danny wasn’t on her side before he definitely was now.

“You’re mad,” He spits.

“I’m going all the same. And I’ve an idea you two are gonna follow. But if you do, be mindful: your authority stopped at sea level.” She ends, unwavering against Paul’s objections. He already knew who won this battle. Marguerit took no bullshit and went to chase down whatever Bart found on the scanner.

For some reason; he didn’t think they had the chance to find what they were looking for down there. Neither did he; Marguriet was right. There’s no off switch around here, and there certainly wasn’t a spare radiation suit hung up in the lockers that he could borrow.

All that’s left in these caves were the stones scattered throughout the biome. Paul was right about this place being chalked full of materials. Lithium clung to the walls and magnetite stuck out of the sand. An abundance of shale outcrops dropped gold and lithium, diamonds slowly drifting into his tiny hands.

“Remember that materials you gather are-“ The robotic voice cut off. The tablet decided whatever message pre-programmed into it was inappropriate to say to a baby.

Why did he get the feeling that the message was going to be a bill? It was a bill, wasn’t it? Anchient’s what kind of dystopian hellscape was Alterra running?! Billing a crash survivor for surviving? That sounded like something he’d expect of Vlad.

If the rescue teams showed up with itemized bills for everyone nothing would stop him from bankrupting Alterra. He’d bulldoze the corporation and turn every building they owned into a spirit Halloween maybe turn a warehouse or two into a hot topic. A little gift to Sam. No amount of backtracking on Alterra’s part would deter him. It’d be time for them to start rebuilding everything from scratch; with morals this time!

“Oxygen.” His PDA chimed; clearly a distraction to keep him from holding a grudge against Alterra for an imaginary scenario. The tablet underestimated the sheer pettiness he’s capable of; a rookie mistake on Alterra’s part.

Swimming up to the surface, Danny gasped, filling his lungs until they felt like they’d burst. His seglide helps him keep him bobbing above water seawater, moonlight engulfing him like a paper-thin bedsheet.

Stranded or not, he’d insist enthusiastically to anyone who cared that this planet’s moons were prettier than the one orbiting Earth. Glowing like a copper sphere half heated, several times the size of Earth’s moon. If he ever found that island Paul talked about he’d be stargazing like a king!

Staring longingly at the sky Danny kicked off, darting through the water as if he’d been born in it. His fingers lingered above the play button of one of Bart’s recordings. Bart was different from Paul and Marguriet in a way that made the thought of him being dead more distressing.

Marguriet was in her early forties when the Degasi dropped off the radar. Paul was in his late seventies when they crashed, turning eighty in the Jellyshroom caves. But Bart… He was just nineteen when he disappeared. It’s hard to wrap his head around that he’d be in his early thirties if he were alive today. Somberly, he pressed play.

“I thought it might get claustrophobic, living underwater. Father feels it is. He’d tell me it was childish but I stare out the window and sometimes I think how lucky I am to see this world up close.” The biochemist starts.

“Back on the island, I wouldn’t have believed the creatures that lived down here. The fish, they GLOW… There's one that’s 90% eyeball… and snakes twice the length of a habitat compartment” He says, awe oozing from each word he spoke. Sam would’ve gotten along with this guy.

“Certainly it’s not all friendly. Most of the plant life is toxic, I learned that the hard way, but I’ve managed to coax some marblemelons into growing indoors, and when they don’t cover our dietary needs…” There’s a slight pause and Danny really hopes he’s not about to confess to being a cannibal.

“We eat the fish themselves. It’s a bit gross, but nothing they wouldn’t do” Thank fuck.

“I’ve been attempting to document my findings. Father approves. He says understanding is power. That the more we know about the planet the more we can use it to our advantage,” Paul was right about that. Learning to differentiate between animals that wanted to tear flesh off your bones and the guys who just wanted to be left alone certainly was an advantage.

“I’m just doing it because it’s fun. It’s not easy without proper equipment and network access, but the old-fashioned way- Observing, taking notes, testing theories- shows me the world in a way spectroscopic analysis never could,” Bart continues.

“Lately I've been watching the crab snakes. They ambush their prey as it tries to feed on the mushrooms they hide in. What they don't eat settles on the seabed, which fertilizes the mushrooms, which feeds the herbivores, and so the chain continues. Co-evolution gives me the fuzzies.” Whatever floats your boat dude.

Biology never was his thing. He got a C in that class for a reason. Sure he’d gotten better but it wasn’t anything to write home about. Whatever notes he wrote about the local ecosystem were just entertainment for him. A way to fuel his obsession without having to look around and remember everyone was dead and there were no ghosts to be vengeful about their deaths. Most of the notes he wrote down on his PDA were solely for telling stories others hadn’t lived to tell.

They’d be another funny thing to explain when he found other survivors. Though hope was dwindling a bit at this point he wouldn’t give up just yet. There’s still a speck of hope for him to cling to. A logical expectation that the universe wasn’t stupid enough to leave him to solve problems on his own.

A piece of magnetite rested in his hands as his base slowly came into view. It’s strange to think a small stone like this was used to make torpedo systems all across the universe. Just another miracle of human intelligence. Anything and everything nature churned out could be made into a weapon if you scienced hard enough. … … … … Dami was gone.

It might be the crushing loneliness, but he couldn't help but be a little disappointed. Dami is classified as a teenager for his species he could have a parentally enforced curfew or something. That or maybe Dami found out he’d left and went to chase him down. Either way, if Dami tries a trick like that again he’s getting tased harder than a neckbeard at an anime convention.

Clliiick crickk....

A quiet noise echoed throughout the shallows. Like the click of a tongue, barely noticeable but creepy as hell to hear in the dark of night. Hairs on the back of his neck stood on end as he scanned the area for any sign of Dami… Nothing, not a roar or a croon. Just an empty imprint in the sand where the leviathan curled around the base.

A peeper, its eye half open and Danny could only assume it was sleeping. Did peepers snore or something? How could something so tiny make a noise so big? The peeper's beak opened…

....       ....

           ....Clllick crickk

Ah, that’s how. He guessed that made sense… It didn’t but he wasn’t down for vivisecting local wildlife for something as stupid as a little snoring. Sometimes it was better to chalk things down to Alien life being weird. Still, if he wanted to mark down peeper sleeping habits he needed to make sure this one wasn’t just congested.

Inching closer, its bright yellow eye snapped open. Darting away like a bolt of lightning before Danny got the chance to poke it. That didn’t look like a sickly fish? It acted the same as a healthy one. Terrified of everything unless it was trying to rub that weird fluorescent glitter all over you. Maybe peepers were the heavy snorers of this planet?

That’s the explanation he'd stick with for now. And if anything freaky happened later he’d facepalm at the obvious signs of danger. If he wasn’t brutally murdered, that is.

Another reminder chimed the five-minute mark before his Ai-assigned bedtime. Hastily he fumbled with the habitat builder building up a multipurpose room onto his base. He’d like to sleep in an actual bed tonight if that wasn’t asking too much.

Ocean water dripped from his hair when he entered the seabase; pooling down onto the metal floors. There’s no towels to dry him off here. No shower he could wash off in, daydreaming until the water ran cold. Unfortunately, indoor plumbing wasn’t included in Alterra’s survival blueprints.

There wasn’t enough time or power to place down a water filter. Solar panels were too weak to keep the base powered with a water filter running. Oxygen trumped the need for water just like water trumped the need for food. Despite what his teachers said about him, Danny did know how to prioritize! Ghosts just got in the way more often than not.

The room was gigantic compared to the basic compartments. Empty enough that his words held a slight echo; an empty canvas for him to decorate. Unfortunately, he’s got plenty of time to decorate his home away from home.

A timely rescue was a dream of the past. It took a decade to find the planet the Degasi crashed on and that was by accident! So for an unforeseen amount of time, he’s trapped on this planet. Far outside of federation space, stranded on a freaky ocean planet determined to outdo the Bermuda Triangle. This was what they made sci-fi movies about in the nineties.

With a shake of his head, he built a bed. It’s a double bed because he deserves that luxury. A thin blanket was tossed across the foot of the bed, the mattress more like a cot than anything else but who was he to complain? At least it was comfier than the ones in the nurse's office. Plenty of room for him to curl up and make a move toward sweet unconsciousness

… Hopefully, his PDA would wake him if anything was about to blow up.

[raideo]

Bruh a lady came up to me while I was trying to finish up a phone call to the store that I previously put on HOLD to finish helping the customer I was helping, and the phone-customer's question was super solvable and quick and I woulda been done in like 30 seconds-but this lady comes up and tells me she needs to be helped because she needs to leave for work rn and she CLAPPED AT ME and told me to hurry up and...

Bruh in that moment I almost became the joker I stg- I am SO PROUD of myself for not immediately turning into a bitch, like I saved us a bad review today but I did tell her that she was gonna have to wait till I was off the phone, it would just be a minute and I apologized for the wait and explained that it is only 2 of us here today.

Like I even asked this family if they needed anything when they came in and the guy said they were looking.

What I WANTED to say to her was like: why in the FUCK you coming in right before work to get fish??? On a sunday???? And then I wanted to take as long as possible getting off the phone but I didn't 😅 god tested me lmfaooooo and i fucking passed I guess.

If you're a customer and you didn't already know that it's insanely rude to clap or snap at an employee here's a secret: if you want the worst most petty side of us to come out that's like the easiest way to do it. Speedrun strat. I literally felt the dial inside me that goes from Nice to The Pettiest Bitch on Planet Earth spike to the right so fast that it broke. You are so lucky lady omg. Have the day you deserve! 👋

[hriobzagelthewanderer]

Things Hriob is No Longer Allowed to Do, Revised Edition - Part Quarte

#121 I am a Master of Conceptual and Elemental Magics, especially the Natural elements such as Wind, Lightning, Earth, Wood, and Water. However, no matter how ‘natural’ their existence may be, I cannot cast ‘Bear’ and it is not an element, and no amount of arguing, evidence, or demonstrations will change this.

#122 When courting certain individuals cough cough Sacara cough I will remember the following; “Using Protection” means the proper use of contraceptives or barriers during coitus, NOT using wards or other magical means of surviving close proximity to individuals whose mere existence provides a serious hazard to my health.

#123 Just because it is one of the few things that CAN still affect me given my supernatural constitution, and just because she is my friend, does not mean I am allowed to occasionally use Shylow-Venom as anti-anxiety medication a recreational drug for ANY reason on my own person or anyone else’s.

#124 When engaging in Small Talk with Lord Alexander, I am to respect the presence and personal safety of his Steward, Sir Cromwell, by politely avoiding use of the following terms and turns-of-phrase: ‘Splitting Hares’, ‘Hot Crossed Buns’, ‘Hare-Rasing’, ‘Hare Removal’, ‘Careful Hop-Timism’, ‘Bad Hare Day’, ‘Hoppily Ever After’, ‘I’m all Ears’, ‘Hare Conditioning’, and any other hilarious bad puns revolving around Lagomorphs in general. Upon further review, Bonnie Kalsang is to be given the extended benefits of this ruling.

#125 I shall remember that ‘Tuning’ is for Musical Instruments, ‘Attenuation’ is for Spiritual and Mystical aspects and machinations, and ‘Vibe Checks’ are for violently percussive maintenance on other people. Just because they SOUND like they’re the same thing doesn’t mean they ARE the same thing.

#126 If I am ever to host a ‘Movie Night’ with my friends/associates/subordinates/rivals/sworn enemies, I will avoid playing the following films for various reasons: Kill Bill, Repo: The Genetic Opera, Shrek 3, Saving Private Ryan, and any historical fiction "i may have been present for when it happened".

#127 I am forever forbidden from doing anything if I am preceding the action(s) in question with any variation of the phrase ‘Hey ___, Watch This!’

#128 I am forever forbidden from officiating Weddings Funerals Birthday Celebrations Coming-Of-Age-Ceremonies Duels Archery Contests Eating Contests Battle Royales Anything.

#129 I am a self-reincarnating Avatar of Life. I, at best, have an understanding with, and at worst, trying relationships with Entities that deeply connect to or convey Death as a Concept. This means that I need to maintain my moral superiority as best I can, which in turn means I should avoid conflict with them… and therefore not try to prank or annoy them.

#130 I am not the Patron Saint of Oktoberfest, no matter how much I wish to be.

#131 I am not allowed to visit Australia, nor am I to confuse it for Austria, be it to mess with other people or try and get around this ruling.

#132 I am forever barred from entering an IKEA store, and am forbidden from chanting backwards in Swedish in any language to assemble disassemble reconfigure rearrange manipulate IKEA-brand any furniture in any way.

#133 I am forever barred from teaching any variety of ‘Shop Class’.

#134 I am forever barred from leading field trips guided tours any sort of group of people for any reason through the following locations: Zoos, Museums, Government Buildings, Anarchist Buildings, Aquariums, Shopping Malls, Alternate Timelines, Alien Planets, Pocket Dimensions, Dimensional Nexus Points, Nuclear Reactors, Industrial Plants, and anything owned by a ‘rival’, ‘nemesis’, ‘adversary’, or any other hostile group or individual.

#135 I am not allowed to appropriate terminology research papers documents artifacts entities employees architecture ANYTHING from the SCP Foundation without due credit at all.

#136 Just because I am now able to transform into certain animals at will, does not mean I get to abuse the ability. This extends to bans against the following: eating my own paperwork and blaming ‘the dog’ on it, attempting to use ‘puppy-dog-eyes’ as a form of negotiation, massively decreasing the local wildlife population single-handedly, and leaving dog hair/fur in unpleasant locations as a petty form of revenge.

#137 I am forevermore banned from playing around with wax, especially heated. This is for my own safety and well-being more than any other reason.

#138 I am not allowed to start my own cult, religion, club, non-profit-organization, or any other form of organized group for any reason, least of all because I need an excuse to change any sort of government-issued id photo.

#139 I am an accomplished Arbormancer, capable of taking living trees of all kinds and fashioning them harmlessly into furnishings or tools, especially magical staves. I am Not, however, allowed to threaten sentient tree-based creatures such as demons, ents, and the like with transformation into such items, nor demonstrate my ability to do so.

#140 Just because some previously-incorporeal people enjoyed my gift of customized living human bodies for them to possess and inhabit, does not mean that Everyone will appreciate such a gift to the same degree. I am not to begin creating such vessels for those I know unless they specifically ask me to, no matter how convenient or helpful I think I am being.

#141 I am forevermore barred from following the ‘advice’ of the maxim ‘Tis better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission’, given that I have by now empirically proven it wrong.

#142 Just because I am a powerful and talented Oathkeeper for pacts and magical deals of all kinds, does not mean I can try and negotiate with children, especially those I am supposed to be babysitting.

#143 No matter how powerful and talented I am with Wood-based, Wind-based, and Ink-based magic, I am not allowed to make magically empowered paper planes and throw them into windstorms of any kind or origin. Not even if the kids ask nicely.

#144 I understand that, given my pact with the Worldspirit Gaia, I am often pulled to act as an emergency agent of their will to stop catastrophic incidents. I understand that, more often than not, those times when a single person is behind the danger, it is someone of necromantic alignment, skills, powers, or so on. Despite this, I am not to complain to them as I try to stop and/or slay them that they remind me of my ex-fiance, no matter how close, depressing, or infuriating the resemblance may be.

#145 I am forever banned from turning any portion of the Halls of the Mountain King into a Ball Pit of any size or depth.

#146 In regards to entry #53, given that I now do offer deals and pacts fairly regularly all things considered, I will remember to try and at least fall mostly in line with the Better Business Bureau’s ethical standards with said dealings.

#147 Given that prior rulings (#42 in particular) have failed, and I am happily sadly considered, among other things, The Wonderful Wizard of Gauze, I shall instead remind myself that flinging bandage wraps at people is not an effective attack. And that, strong as they may be, they cannot support my weight even in bulk - therefore I am forbidden from trying to swing off or around tall buildings with them as my ‘webs’. I am not ‘Spider-man’, and never will be - no matter what I attempt in order to change that.

#148 As an addition to the above ruling, I am to remember that, even if being able to wrap-and-pull items in the heat of battle is a neat and useful utility to have over my adversaries, using the same skill with my ‘bandage shooting’ to grab things around the Halls in a casual setting is frowned upon, even especially if people offer to be ‘test subjects’, ‘training dummies’, or any other kind of volunteer to be ‘shot’ thusly.

#149 Given item #72, I am to extend the same ‘general line of thought’ towards attempting to ‘forcibly evolve things with magic’, or any other medium to attempt the same end result. Spoiler alert: they always turn into crabs. Every. Single. Time. No more crabs.

#150 Just in case, I am forever banned from setting foot within 5 miles of Las Vegas, Nevada. No, not even if the magical forces behind it try to invite me.

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for single handedly felling my company in one night, putting everyone who works for me out of jobs, and destroying all our research?

Hi. This happend a while back so I hope you can't immediately tell who I am. The whole thing was pretty famous along with the aftermath...

So I run this company— ran this company in my namesake. I was never one for claiming glory or riches so I made sure my own pay as CEO was as low as my other highest payed employees. We were mainly a tech and science company but dipped a little in everything.

I wanted to help the world, to fix it and make it better and better. No one would be left out, no one would be ignored. I even started a charity through it that helped so many people who couldn't afford healthcare. I invited top scientists from around the world to work at their own liberty with all the resources they needed to make the world better, to solve all types of problems like cancer and more.

We had many breakthroughs, and I even had a few worldwide tech gadgets like smartwear. Phones and watches and such. But thats where the first problem came up. You see, my company had... a mascot. One that also happens to be a superhero and my bodyguard. So thats not to say some people weren't happy with the association while others were a little too invested in it.

That led to a whole other things which led to me sending out a crazy signal through all of my smartwear to kill some zombies and stop an apocalypse. Of course no one cares that I saved the world though. Oh, and the destruction of half the planets satellites but thats a story for another time.

I will admit that I didn't start this company... Not in my right mind at leat. So when I was given the reins, a lot of people didn't like the changes I made. Which eventually led to a lot of betrayals of trust.

Story short: The world was being overtaken by the bad guys. REALLY bad guys. They ransacked all of my locations, stealing tech and research that, if in the wrong hands, would be too dangerous to exist. It was all to help people, but could easily be used for the opposite. There was only one office left, and we tried everything we could with our superhero mascot to stop them from breaking in and gaining access to all of our files and data network wide. (Not only does that go for research, but personal data as well from consumers.)

I only had one option left. Destroy it all, tear it down and delete everything so it can't fall into the wrong hands. And unfortunately it came to that. Everything was gone. We won and the bad guys retreated to be defeated later on. But in doing so I ruined so many people lives. Personal devices completely wiped, months or even years of research down the drain. So many jobs lost. And worst of all, the charity I founded couldn't be ssved either.

I had no other choice but I still feel awful. I lost everything, but more importantly, many others lost a lot as well because of me. AITA?

[occatorcreator]

What are the planets relationship with there moons? And I guess also the four major dwarf planets with moons (Sorry Ceres)

Oohohoh I am eager to answer this one because the planet-moon relationships are one that are varied and complex depending on which part of the solar system you go to.

(and lol to Ceres. No worries, she can go with Merc and Venus in team 'no moons')

And there is a lot of planets and moons so I may need to break it down by groups:

Terrestrial Moons

We have 3 moons in among the terrestrial planets.

There is of course Earth & the Moon, who is called Luna in DPS. Luna and Earth have a strong friendship, practically siblings in nature. They like hanging out together, supporting each other, and are just a cute family. Earth and the Terrestrials treat Luna as a fellow planet, which comes into conflict with other moon systems and the Gas Giants who view Luna as "Earth's underling."

Then there's Phobos and Deimos, small rubble pile asteroids, and Mars. Here's the kicker with these three: Mars did not know she had any moons for the longest time! Because of their small size, Phobos and Deimos hid from Mars, hanging around because they like mooching off of Mars's stuff without her knowledge. Mars only found out about these two when Ceres became a planet the first time and caught her talking with them.

After that, it's just been awkward with Mars trying to initiating some relationship and ground rules and Phobos and Deimos wanting nothing to do with Mars still. It will take some time before either party find some common ground.

Jovian and Saturnian Moons

The Gas Giants have a different story due to having so many moons. They basically become their own mini systems with a hierarchy where large moons are high ranking and smaller moons are under them. I'm lumping Saturn and Jupiter together because they have similar attitudes towards their moons and vise versa.

Both Saturn and Jupiter have high expectations of them and sometimes patronize them. They see their moons are extensions of their images, so they care that they act accordingly so not to tarnish that image, and they expect them to do tasks for them. As a result, they tend to favor and interact with their larger moons. They entrust important tasks to the larger moons and have those moons keep their smaller moons in check.

Now because the Jovian and Saturnian systems have high expectations from patronizing giants, there is a lot of stress on these moons. The Galilean Moons have mixed feelings towards Jupiter, at times admiring him, other times resenting him, but ultimately loyal to him despite their misgivings. And Saturn's moons are outright terrified of disappointing her, especially after a moon of hers was… exiled.

So to summarize, it's best to see Jupiter/Saturn and their moons akin to the relationship between a Manager and their employees.

Bonus fact: Jovian moons' wear neck-wear (i.e. ties, chokers, necklaces, etc) while Saturnian moons' wear hair pins

Uranian and Neptunian Moons

The Ice Giants are more lax with their moons compared to Jupiter and Saturn and there isn't a strict hierarchy among the moons. However, their group of moons are more isolated from the greater systems and encourage in-group mentalities.

Uranus's moons are basically a giant theater troupe that are constantly practicing for their plays. In fact, they all wear acting masks. All the time! And Uranus is incredibly encouraging of his moons' theatrics and will defend them against any detractors. His moons, in turn, honor Uranus with their performance.

While Uranus and his moons are as close to positive for a gas giant and their moons can be, Neptune has the worst relationship with his moons. Mainly because, unlike the other giants, Neptune tries to act like he's a "father" of his moons. He's infantalizing, is inconsistent in his treatment, and wants to "take care" of his moons. That desire to have someone to care for leads to him capturing Triton early on.

His moons don't like how Neptune humiliates them, but they feel like there isn't much they can do to change the situation. Any attempts to leave or convince Neptune to change lead to Neptune becoming more clingy. These moons wear bandages they don't need.

Asteroid and Kuiper Belt

Finally, for any asteroids or KBO with moons are varied from group to group, but the object and their moon in question tend to see each other as equal and free agents. Sometimes both, like with Pluto and Charon, see each other as a binary planet system and not as moons at all.

These relationships range from familial, to just fellow roommates, to romantic so I'll quickly end off with the four dwarf planets:

Pluto & Charon are romantic, while Nyx, Hydra, Kerberos, and Styx are fellow roommates, they get along well with Pluto and Charon.

Makemake sees her moons as family, they're close and mutually protective of one another.

Haumea and their moons are roommates and Haumea's moons do their own thing for the most part.

Eris and Dysnomia are incredibly close friends. Gal pals :)

Aaaaand that's it! I hope you didn't mind my long diatribe. But I could not tl:dr the moon relationships because they vary so so much.

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2023!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

___

140. Club Dead by Charlaine Harris--⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read in 2023!

Screw you, Bill. That's my main takeaway from this one again--my feelings on him being a crap boyfriend remain intact.

I also appreciated Sookie talking about money and how hard it has been for her to keep going and making ends meet. It's weirdly cathartic, especially when we compare the difference of how financially difficult life was in comparison to the financial difficulties of today. But also because I think a lot of the time, in these books (at least in the past), we focus so much on the relationships and the will-they/won't-they themes that we don't focus on the general lives of the characters. I'm excited to see what else comes Sookie's way! So glad I'm doing this re-read!

___

141. Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Beyond the romantic idea that Sanderson essentially wrote this for his wife, this was such a fun and clever story full of adventure and hilarious moments. I enjoyed this so much more than I was expecting to, but I shouldn't have doubted because Sanderson's writing always scratches that one little fantasy itch you never knew was waiting to be scratched.

I loved the characters and how they all came together for this memorable adventure. Especially the narrator and how they spoke to us despite their current self not...being the way we expected them to be.

Also, my favourite and obvious theme was how it is a young woman who essentially saves the day. Sanderson's wife supposedly commented on how Buttercup didn't really do much to save her man in THE PRINCESS BRIDE, and I was curious to see what a more modern-day adaptation might look like. I wasn't disappointed because his mc is a badass who did all she could to save the love of her life.

While there were definitely some slower moments in the story, the dialogue and witty commentary will surely bring you back! Highly recommend it to anyone who wants a surprisingly humorous adventure set on another planet's oceans full of unexpected dangers.

___

142. The Encounter by K.A. Applegate--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I am genuinely enjoying the heck out of this series!

THE ENCOUNTER is from the perspective of the one kid whose unfortunate actions in book one changed his life forever. Keeping that in mind made this book so incredibly heartbreaking. There's obviously the pain of missing what his reality once was, but seeing his fight to keep the past part of him alive despite his life changing so much made me hurt so much for him. I think his actions during this book were perfectly suited to his age, because he is, after all, just a child.

I really hope we see a better outcome for him in the future. My heart aches knowing that he is the cautionary tale for the other kids in the group.

Yes, these books are fun and full of adventure and I love that they are actually meant to be read in order. But I think that in between those suspenseful moments, the reader needs to remember that these are kids fighting a very non-kid friendly war.

___

143. I Survived the Sinking of the Titanic, 1912 by Lauren Tarshis--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

As a bookstore employee, I'm enjoying reading these books because I can give better explanations to my younger customers! Also, these are just really fun bite-sized reads.

The titanic was a massive tragedy, so it was interesting to see it from the perspective of a child who had a better chance of actually surviving the sinking (a wealthy child). It made me think of a very, very condensed version of REFUGEE.

If you want a quick and eye-opening snack of history, I'd recommend this series!

___

144. Monster Blood by R.L. Stine--⭐️⭐️

I don't even know anymore. LOL this book was something. Not the worst I've read in the GOOSEBUMPS series, but I do wish it had a bit more character development because, honestly, is it normal for kids who have just met to trust each other so thoroughly in the case of human-eating slime? Would you, as a precocious child, put your life in danger for the random kid you literally just met?

This is why I should have read these as a child. As an adult, my stranger danger alarms are just shining bright like a diamond.

___

145. Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I went into this book with way too many expectations and that's my fault. I expected a gory and disturbing horror story set in a camp, what I got was a deeply disturbing exploration of the toxic world of cult-like religion that sent gay teens and young adults to Camp Damascus so they could be "cured" by any means possible...even if those means may be out of this world.

The book had it's moments of spook and legitimate chills because some of the language is deeply disturbing. Massive trigger warning for anyone who has trauma related to a religious upbringing. I wasn't raised in this way and I was deeply disturbed.

I wish I'd gone in with no expectations because I think I might have enjoyed it more. Was it fun? Absolutely! But I was very sad to see that it wasn't the setting I was hoping for. I know that a lot of other people will enjoy this book way more, and honestly that makes me happy!

That ending was great though--the explosion of build-up from the rest of the book was well worth the wait!

___

146. Imogen, Obviously by Becky Albertalli--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

There are only a few books where I can say I related a little too much to the main characters. Usually, it's books exploring my immigrant background, or growing up plus-sized, but this is the first time I've read a LGBTQ+ book where I related so much to the mc and her journey to understanding her sexuality and who she is as a person.

I grew up surrounded by heteronormativity. Any moment in my childhood where I was one step away from realizing my sexuality, something or someone was there to remind me that I can't stray too far. I had a friend who wasn't the greatest of allies and I still believe that set me back a million years. Coming to terms with who I am in my late 20's and early 30's was a massive mind-fuck. Suddenly, I started thinking about all of the signs and moments I ignored so I could stay in my little bubble. Reading IMOGEN, OBVIOUSLY by Becky Albertalli was like having a mirror put up to my face with a character yelling, "I told you so" (and plot twist, that character yelling is my younger self who always argued against me hiding my truth.)

Imogen, the mc, has a friend in this book who is the personification of doubts a new member of the LGBTQ+ community may feel when they finally let themselves step out of the closet. "Am I queer enough? Do I have a right to be queer when I haven't experienced half of the things other people in the community have experienced?" This friendship was toxic and a reminder that every community has its darker side. I wanted to hug Imogen for the doubts this friend seeded in her. But I wanted to celebrate her childhood friend who helped her understand that she is valid.

Yes, there is an incredibly adorable (and quick) romance in this one, but I think more than that, what needs to be celebrated is the support of non-toxic friends, and the personal growth Imogen experienced despite the storm brewing inside of her.

This book was difficult to read because of how incredibly relatable it was and because I know this is also something Albertalli wrote from her own experiences. I often worry about what others think of me when I approach the topic of being a part of the LGBTQ+ community and thankfully, I have some amazing friends who help support me. But I can't help but think of the other kids or younger adults who don't have that support, or guidance. This book could genuinely help so many questioning readers.

Through quick, witty, personable, and deeply emotional writing, Albertalli has created a novel that I recommend to everyone--whether they're a part of the community or an ally. Words and assumptions have more power than a lot of people seem to think.

___

147. Far From True by Linwood Barclay--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

As always, Linwood Barclay entertained me and kept me hooked. I'm always amazed by the twist and turns and the moments where my jaw genuinely drops because of the reveals.

I'll hopefully be reading the third one in the series soon--I'm curious to see why 23 is so important and who is behind it all! I'm totally reading this series out of order, but book four thankfully didn't spoil it for me!

Onto the next one!

___

Have you read any of these? What are your thoughts?

___

Happy reading!

[getalifehri]

20

20 February 2023

My aunt from my mother's side made me realise that I really hate HUMAN kind.

My aunt's husband was denied from his inheritance. My aunt and uncle struggled a lot and finally, a couple of months ago, they successfully built their own house. That house was near my uncle's inheritance which he was denied and his brother's family was living there. And obviously both of these families have major issues between them.

So, today there was a rumour, circulated by my uncle's brother's wife that my aunt had stolen some gold and silver from their house.

And guess who verified that to them... an oracle. 🤣

Funny part, that woman's son stole from his own house past... And we can guess he did it again. If one knew that piece of shit, they could knew why I am telling this.

Now, MAJOR FUNNY PART...

Both my aunt and uncle are government employees. And uncle's brother's family operates a shop in the neighbourhood.

I mean come on, why do two government employees need to steal gold from a house that is waiting for every chance to harm them? I mean why? And that again told by an oracle? 🤢

The most funny part is that, my aunt is crying about those rumours verified by an oracle... And people from my Aunt's village are heavily gossiping about it.

LMFAO... People and their stupidity.

I mean I can easily guess uncle's brother's family are purely jealous of the fact that my aunt built a new house and they are being better off than my uncle's brother's family.

.

.

Humans are the worst trash. They get jealous easily. They try to harm others even if one lives without giving a shit to them.

HUMAN by nature, the most pathetic and ugly beast that can ever exist on this planet.

[thespacedetective]

Detective Log #10 "Possible foes?"

[BEGIN LOG]

Ok so looks like my old 'pal' Tom sent someone to kill me due to his 'reputation being effected by me' . I mean I expected them to try something like this one day but for them to take this to try to kill me long? I mean come on! At the worst possible damn time! Oh and of note the investigations gone to a screeching halt. I want to check out some buildings but they are so damaged its hard to make out what they were used for! Oh an an update on 11. Nice invertebrate fellow. Oh and I have identified the second voice I heard in the tunnels. Think their name is reaper? Apparently a disassembly drone who probably wants me dead. So here's the list so far. I have an emo masochists drone and a confusing assassin after me... UGHH I HATE THIS DAMN COMPANY! My plan so far is once I have collected enough evidence I will try to escape the planet. Then once I reach earth present the info to the UN and then pray. The only problem is JCJenson may shoot me down if I try to leave. Think im going to go out and work on my snow forts some more. While I am a living at Dr. Wydle's I want to have a place to go to if I attract a threat their. Also I am invited to the wedding of Dr. Wylde... oh and so are some JCJenson employees, Tom, and the cherry on top? Reaper... Why am I doing this to myself? This is Detective Glass signing off.

[END LOG]

[tssidesfics]

Ugh

Every Microsoft Office can kindly burn to the ground with Bill Gates trapped inside and no other employees present. I have to get a new computer; the one I have right now is quite literally falling apart. No one on the fucking planet has the money to pay the damn subscription when well over half the programs for it are useless. I need Microsoft to be able to write, but it's looking like Microsoft has buried every sale it has so far down the internet it would take years to find it, by which point I might as well just save up.

Which means I will likely not have any of the software I use to write available to me after I buy this new laptop. I'm going to try my best to work with Google Docs but I loathe Google Docs and it is an absolutely horrid platform to write on. It's ugly, it's not stimulating enough, and it is so goddamn slow and laggy. I already made peace with the fact I probably wouldn't have Scrivener for a while but if I don't even have Microsoft Word I don't know that I'll be able to write anything. It's going to drive me absolutely batshit insane but unless you're all willing to "buy me a coffee" enough to help me buy this stupid fucking capitalist hell program, that's the reality I'm left with.

And if I can't work on Logan's part, then I'm going to stop uploading Roman's until I can start working on it again. It would just be weird to upload it too far after Roman's, and honestly you prefer that I wait because the sequel to Roman's part isn't finished yet and if I can't write, then you do not want to wait on that cliffhanger until I am able to finish it. Better that I leave you semi-resolved and you just...wait.

I am so fucking pissed off and annoyed. Everything is the fucking subscription. I don't want a fucking subscription. I want to own my shit. Capitalism can burn to the fucking ground, I have a right to own my fucking life. Microsoft is easily the worst fucking offender for this. There is absolutely no reason why it should not be a one-time purchase. There is absolutely no reason why One-Drive should hold my shit captive every time I X out of a document. There is absolutely not a single goddamn reason in the world I should have to pay you ten dollars a fucking month or well over a hundred dollars as a one-time purchase for three fucking programs. This is just greed. This is blatant, shameless greed, and it is extremely damaging as a creative.

If you guys know of any LIFELONG sales on Microsoft Word (I don't need anything else, just Microsoft Word), please please please please please please PLEASE let me know. This is absolutely unreasonable. I want to work on my damn writing but my computer is dying and the lifelong subscription I have on it of course doesn't carry over because Microsoft is senselessly, cartoonishly evil and greedy.

Can we please declare open season on billionaires? Or at least put their credit card information on every billboard across the globe.

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

Self Doubt Is More Soul Crushing Than Minimum Wage

by NightShiftShenanigans

It’s been a year since the worst day of Danny’s life. Ever since the incident that took his loved ones, he’s been forced to stay in Arkham Asylum's maximum confinement. Until one day, a freak accident sets him free from his solitary hell. Now, Danny has to hide from the law while trying to run from his traumatic past. But first he needed a job.

Luckily, Bat Burger’s uniform requires a face mask and zero background checks. It’s perfect, despite the pay just meeting minimum wage and the scratchy uniform that constantly tests his sanity.

Danny’s lucky streak ends when a new customer becomes a regular…for his shifts only. Of course Danny gets a stalker his first week on the job. Not like he has anything else to be worried about.

He just hopes this doesn't blow up in his face.

OR

Tim gay panics because the new Bat Burger employee pulls off his signature black and red better than he does. Does that make him a narcissist if he finds himself attracted to that sort of thing? Only time and even more gay panicking will tell!

Words: 2429, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Danny Phantom, DCU, Harley Quinn (Cartoon 2019), Batman - All Media Types

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: M/M

Characters: Danny Fenton, Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, Leslie Thompkins, Damian Wayne

Relationships: Tim Drake/Danny Fenton, Tim Drake & Danny Fenton, Danny Fenton & Jason Todd

Additional Tags: TW: Capitalism, Ghosts, Useless gays and sad boi, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt No Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, minimum wage is only enough if you're not paying for rent, Violence, Blood, important character death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, traumatic loss, rip sorry Danny, emotional (not physical) self harm, brief mentions of slightly graphic torture/experimentation, Tim is a useless gay boi, Gay Panic, self sabotage, Paranoia, Not Phantom Planet Compliant (Danny Phantom), I promise there will be gay fluff eventually, Depression, Stabbing, Malnutrition, Mental Health Issues, Medical Inaccuracies, I am not a doctor I just have access to google, I know almost nothing about cannon DC and cannon DP is underdeveloped so this is what y'all get, Danny Fenton Needs A Hug, and therapy, Panic Attacks, Psychological Torture, not explicit though, Needles, cannon is my bitch, I literally know nothing, this was supposed to be about mcdonalds why am I crying?, Dead Tired - Freeform

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/46008052

[bitcofun]

By Brian Armstrong, CEO and Cofounder Earlier today, I shared the following note with all Coinbase staff members. Team, Today I am making the challenging choice to decrease the size of our group by about 18%, to guarantee we remain healthy throughout this financial slump. I wish to stroll you through why I am making this choice listed below, however initially I wish to begin by taking responsibility for how we got here. I am the CEO, and the dollar stops with me. Over the previous month, I've had numerous discussions with our Exec group and our Board to talk about current market occasions in addition to the state of our company. Numerous truths have actually ended up being clear to me in these conversations: Economic conditions are altering quickly: We seem getting in an economic downturn after a 10+ year financial boom. An economic crisis might result in another crypto winter season, and might last for a prolonged duration. In previous crypto winter seasons, trading income (our biggest income source) has actually decreased considerably. While it's tough to anticipate the economy or the marketplaces, we constantly prepare for the worst so we can run business through any environment. Managing our expenses is important in down markets: Coinbase has actually endured through 4 significant crypto winter seasons, and we've developed long term success by thoroughly handling our costs through every down duration. Down markets are challenging to browse and need a various state of mind. We grew too rapidly: At the start of 2021, we had 1,250 staff members. At the time, we remained in the early innings of the bull run and adoption of crypto items was blowing up. There were brand-new usage cases allowed by crypto getting traction almost weekly. We saw the chances however we required to enormously scale our group to be placed to complete in a broad selection of bets. It's challenging to grow at simply the ideal rate provided the scale of our development (~200% y/y given that the start of 2021). While we attempted our finest to get this perfect, in this case it is now clear to me that we over-hired. The requirement to handle expenditures: As we run in this extremely unsure duration on the planet, we wish to guarantee we can effectively browse an extended slump. Our group has actually grown extremely rapidly (>> 4x in the past 18 months) and our staff member expenses are too expensive to efficiently handle this unsure market. The actions we are taking today will enable us to more with confidence handle through this duration even if it is seriously lengthened. The requirement to increase effectiveness: We have actually now surpassed the limitation of the number of brand-new staff members we can incorporate while growing our performance. For the previous couple of months, including brand-new staff members has actually made us less effective, not more. We have actually seen ourselves decrease substantially due to coordination headwinds, and problem totally incorporating brand-new employee. Our company believe the targeted resourcing modifications we are making today will enable our company to end up being more effective. Both of these returned to my choice to considerably scale our group over the previous 2 years, so this responsibility rests completely with me. Our senior leaders have actually worked vigilantly to determine the suitable modifications for each of their groups based upon our clarified concerns. In the next hour every staff member will get an e-mail from HR notifying if you are impacted or unaffected by this layoff. Every impacted staff member will get an invite to have a direct discussion with your HRBP and the senior leader of your company. If you are impacted, you will get this alert in your individual e-mail, due to the fact that we decided to cut access to Coinbase systems for impacted staff members. I recognize that elimination of gain access to will feel abrupt and unforeseen, and this is not the experience I desired for you.

Provided the variety of workers who have access to delicate consumer info, it was sadly the only useful option, to make sure not even a bachelor made a rash choice that hurt business or themselves. I likewise wished to make certain that all impacted staff members are looked after in this shift, which we support them in discovering a brand-new function. Staff members who are leaving today will get: Minimum of 14 weeks of severance plus an extra 2 weeks for each year of work beyond 1 year 4 months of COBRA medical insurance in the United States, and 4 months of psychological health assistance worldwide Access to Talent Hub, where members of Coinbase's group will work to get in touch with you with employment opportunities at other companies (consisting of portfolio business from Coinbase Ventures and other leading crypto VC funds) Coinbase staff members are amongst the most gifted on the planet, and I am particular that the abilities you all have will continue to be searched for by business worldwide. I recognize it might take longer in this environment to discover brand-new work, therefore my hope is that this monetary and non-financial support assists make this unforeseen shift for you as smooth as possible. To our associates who are leaving, I wish to state thank you for providing whatever to this business, which I am sorry. I hope that as we grow once again we get a possibility to employ you back. We would not be where we are today without your effort and commitment to our objective. I am extremely grateful for whatever you have actually done to add to our success. To our group that is remaining, I understand this will be a tough day for you all too. You will bid farewell to your associates that you've remained in the trenches with. I likewise anticipate you will all feel some level of worry, unpredictability and doubt about the future. Know that we made these difficult choices to guarantee our future is brilliant. We'll share more on how we rally as a group in the next couple of days. Now, let us thank all our coworkers who are leaving for the crucial contribution they've made to our objective. Brian ### This article includes forward looking declarations. These forward looking declarations are just forecasts and might vary materially from real outcomes due to a range of aspects. The dangers and unpredictabilities that might trigger real outcomes to vary from the outcomes anticipated are more completely detailed in our filings with the Securities and Exchange Commission. Any forward looking declarations consisted of herein are based upon presumptions that our company believe to be sensible since the date of this article. We carry out no commitment to upgrade these declarations as an outcome of brand-new details or future occasions. Read More

[gamma-writes]

Apotheosis

A oneshot about a human in the wrong place at the wrong time accidentally dying and becoming God(?)

CW for unreality, mentions of guns and shooting, mentions of a bomb

At 12:01 AM CST on January 1 of 2010, an entity of immense power came down from the cosmos and landed on the planet Earth. In the years of careful global trust-building exercises and education on human custom that followed, the being that came to be known as ECE pledged to help humanity solve its many, MANY issues and save the planet and all life on it.

I heard about her success all the time on the news. "Big Company Busted by Brazen Being!" flashing in fancy font in your face, ads begging to be clicked. Titles like "Oil Monopoly Toppled After Attempted Murder on ECE" were ladled atop respected news websites in stoic Arial or Times New Roman. I've even seen a few Alex Jones remixes on YouTube of the man vocoded while ranting about her being a spawn of the devil come to eat babies and destroy the world. He says that about pretty much everyone though, I think. ECE is a nice person. Nice lady? Alien? No one's really sure. Some call her the 'apotheosis of mankind'. Other people think she's God or Satan. A few even think she's a top-secret government super-soldier project, like Dr. Manhattan if he was a lot less buff and a lot more cosmic horror-y. Honestly, I never cared about what she was. She knocked out harmful companies contributing to climate change and corruption, and that's all a zoomer like me could ask for. Of course, it helped that the US government was pretty cooperative. They tried to destroy her a few times when she first showed up, but once it was clear that she was very much not killable and she also literally just wanted to help, they let her do her thing. Instead of sending in the military to launch missiles at her while she worked, they got the police to clear the area so no one gets hurt. Even if they didn't, ECE was always, and I mean ALWAYS, careful to keep her fights contained. One time Bezos and Musk teamed up to build a giant remote controlled robot to capture her and launched it right out of an Amazon warehouse with all the employees still inside. She kept her lasers and crazy energy powers in check and got all the workers out safely, then took down the two CEOs and their Transformers knockoff with barely any damage to the area. To this day, not a single person has died from one of her fights. The worst injuries are scraped knees and stubbed toes from people running away.

Ever heard of liminal spaces? Backrooms and all that. Spaces that are devoid of life, empty in a soul wrenching yet alluring way. I've always wanted to visit a liminal space. I don't really know why, probably something to do with the human psyche evolving to be weird or whatever. A few days ago I found a flyer for abandoned warehouse tours at the port downtown from where I lived. Obviously I was totally excited and I absolutely HAD to go. I was at my dad's house that week and he works all the time anyway so I planned to just hop on a bus by myself. I sort of hinted that I would be gone for a few hours doing something when he got home that night, he brushed it off and told me he was glad I was getting out of the house. I couldn't shake the fear he would say no if I told him the truth. I never can, actually. But he gave me all the approval I needed to plead innocent if I got caught, so I RSVPed online and pushed down my excitement so he wouldn't ask questions. It was scheduled for a Thursday afternoon right after school. Stuff had been getting weird over that last week, talk of an outbreak in China reaching the US had me washing my hands more than usual. All the students were either panicking or ignoring it. I figured it would be fine and put it out of my mind long enough to enjoy my trip. The bus ride was fine, I got lost looking for the tour guide but ended up finding them anyway. We visited a couple warehouses and I took a few pictures to remember the day. Of course I didn't know that I would have more than photos to remember that day by the end of it. I'm not clairvoyant, of course I wouldn't have known. The pictures weren't even that good probably. Not like anyone will ever see them now.

The thing is, no one really knows where ECE is until they make a public appearance. They could be literally anywhere in the world at any time. They've even been reported to hang out in the planet's orbit every so often. With all that ground to cover, the odds that a super-powered alien-lady-person-thing would be busting a ring of lead deforestation organizers operating out of an abandoned warehouse in the port of Los Angeles at the exact time an abandoned warehouse tour was passing through is pretty low. I'm not amazing at math, but it's at least a million to one. Maybe even a trillion to one! I guess I was pretty unlucky that day though. Probably because of that one time in third grade when Mackenzie Young pickle jinxed me for saying the word 'pencil' at the same time as her. Cursed for life, she told me. I didn't believe her. If I had, it probably wouldn't have made a difference anyway. The shiitake mushrooms hit the fan and before I knew it the tour group was scattering like cockroaches as bullets ricocheted off the rusting metal walls. A bolt of lightning shot out and vaporized a falling beam before it could crush anyone, and that was when I saw her.

God, demon, savior, destroyer, none of it could ever describe ECE. Hovering an inch off the floor with her palms spewing electricity, a pair of otherworldly purple irises darting systematically back and forth from innocent to attacker, body dark beyond light, a curtain of thin mass draped around her head like a straight-haired bob. She was perfection and chaos incarnate.

She was shooting literal ACTUAL lasers like ACTUAL LASERS from her fingers. Oh, and all the people were screaming and running away and stuff of course. Life or death situation and all that.

I got sort of mixed up in the crowd. There wasn't a lot of people and I wasn't very distinctive nor was I a good runner, so a minute or two after the fighting started I was just sorta left behind. There were some crates conveniently me-sized, so I sat down behind them and waited.

I knew I shouldn't have stayed, but I thought I could hide. I wanted to know what happened when all the humans left the scene, I wanted to see her in action. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, of COURSE I wasn't going to pass it up. If I'd known the people she was after had a bomb, I probably wouldn't have stuck around. Or maybe I would have. Who knows? She had to get rid of the thing though. Can't have half a nuke detonating in the middle of a populated area. So she did a cool powerful thing to make it disappear.

As the arcs of plasma began to crawl up the metal catwalk and strip apart the atoms of the crates I was hiding behind, I knew staying had been a mistake. I knew I was going to die. I didn't feel it when a volt blasted through my only cover and hit me in the leg. She did though, I think. She's connected to those energy bits she shoots out. She felt it as soon as her energy hit my nervous system. Everything sort of... slowed down. Maybe it was because I was dying, maybe it was the sudden influx of extra nerve-power to my brain, maybe it was all a hallucination. Who knows. But my body was disintegrating from the bottom up and all I could do was sit there as it went. I had a pretty clear view of her since everything in front of me had already been vaporized. There was all these arcs of plasma striking out everywhere, it was the coolest thing I'd ever seen up close. And there she was at the center of it all, charging up and floating a few feet off the ground. Like I said, everything was all slow-mo, so by the time the arc was up to my torso she had turned her head enough for me to clock her expression. She was totally shocked, I could tell. Definitely angry that some idiot human had decided to be dumb and stick around where a battle was happening. Probably concerned because she knew I was about to die. I don't blame her, like, at all. It was my own curiosity that got me into that situation. I'd chosen to hide instead of run. There was no way she would've known I was there in time. So in the split second I had as the bottom of my ribcage went up in smoke before I was totally gone, in an attempt to convey that I had no hard feelings towards her, I was okay with dying, I knew what I was getting myself into and that I had made a mistake, and really just trying to be cool about the whole situation, I managed to give her a single gesture.

A shrug and an awkward, mildly alarmed smirk. And then, poof. Gone. I didn't even get to see her face after that.

And now I'm just... Atoms With a bunch of energy pinging around between them in what could be a consciousness. Maybe even a sign of life. Maybe even a person. Or maybe just dust doing its best to prove Descartes was right. "Cogito ergo sum" I think therefore I am.

I am.

I am.

I am... here. Alive. Maybe. Probably. Inside something. Someone? A not-quite person. Bigger on the inside, smaller on the outside, it has... a face? Eyes? Something that transmits... information? Energy? Emotion? I can't really tell. I've been just sort of... drifting, I guess is the right word for it. Zapping around in this big empty space that could be space, like actual literal outer space, or maybe its something else. Something more. Less?

It's confusing.

This is confusing.

I'm confused.

But I'm thinking. I'm able to think like this. Words without words without sound without skull without mind. Without skin without bone without eyes. Maybe I'm atoms. Maybe I'm the pulses between the atoms. Maybe I'm nothing at all. Maybe I'm just dust.

Thinking dust. Dust that is. Really annoying electrified dust with a bunch of sounds recorded in it. Isn't that what humans are? Electrified dust with sounds? Is... is that just what life is? Is that all it ever was? Just dust? Does that mean I'm alive? I am, aren't I. I'm alive. I am. I am. I'm stuck in a place that could be space and I'm dust and I'm alive and I am. I a-

ripped from the womb i am bombarded with particles and light

"There you are. So you are the one that has been jumping around in my head."

it's cold

something is pinching me whatever i am it is holding me pulling me from where

cold

too cold

"You must be that teen from the warehouse. I do not know what made you stay there. I am sorry you are dead, but you have to leave now. You cannot stay."

not listening

not dead

alive alive cold too cold i must pull back there is a string of me back to where i will pull myself back to where

"What are you doing? Stop that, did you not hear me? You have to go. There is not room for you in my head."

pull pull pullpullpullpull

"Hey! Stop that! No! I said no! Do you hear me? No!!"

back inside

"NO!!!"

running around in the warm it is quiet and something is piercing me trying to get me out

"Get out get OUT GET OUT!!"

no

i am alive in here i am dust i am living thinking annoying dust i am alive in here you can't make me go

"I do not care!! There is no room, stop!! You are changing me, I cannot... I can't... I can't get... out... please..."

i am Expanding into space everywhere is full of Me

bigger on the inside space is full of Me

living, thinking, annoying Me who thought it was a good idea to stay where I could get hurt because life was not enough for me to simply stay where it was safe I had to have more I had to go where I should not go and now I am

Eyes

The world is the size of my eyes They are purple and black and white and they see

Hands Claws? Sharp bits, pointy, but fleshy. Skin is dark. Not melanin dark, dark that has no light, satin soft trailing through atoms like spider silk.

I am atoms Suddenly I am not atoms Suddenly I am not Me Suddenly I am not Suddenly I am And Then

"Oh. That's what you meant."

I feel pretty dumb now. Obviously being pure conscious energy bouncing around inside a being made of energy is going to result in a merging of the two. I mean, it makes sense to me now but like, a few minutes ago? Nah. I never took physics, too much math for my taste.

Woah. Woah woah woah woah. This thing knows a lot. A LOT a lot. Like, WAY too much. I'm transitioning still but it's going faster, it's like the last bit of sand pouring down through the funnel of an hourglass.

I made her scared. She was scared when she killed me, and then when I tried to get back into her mind she was scared 'cause she knew she would be lost in me. Now we're lost in each other. We're... the same? Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Maybe.

Oh there's more

WOW there's more there's still more LOTS more

It's the universe the WHOOOOLE universe like everything beginning to end all over time and space and she's seen it And now I've seen it. I know the answer to every question anyone could ever ask about anything. I saw the first humans the last dinosaurs the first land creature the last ocean the first cell the last dying star ever to shine and

hey why am i bleeding I'm bleeding??? Oh my god????

"Hlep"

"bleh blrbrlsbrb"

That piece doesn't go there I think uh oh oh boy hang on hang on I can do this

There!

"There!"

I can talk.

"Yep, I can talk."

I can think and talk at the same time.

"I can think and talk at the same time. Why am I repeating myself?"

Because there's someone in the room with you.

oh

hello

"Hello."

They scream.

As of 9:11 AM PST on November 13 of 2020, the body called ECE has been stolen and possessed by a seventeen-year-old highschool student with ADHD and a knack for getting into trouble. In the thirty seconds it took for her to completely overtake the body of ECE, a decade of careful humanitarian efforts to save the planet and all life on it collapsed like a poorly built sand castle in water.

[prettyboykatsuki]

WRITE THE DICK FIC, PLEASE

cw ;; omegaverse, sub!bkg, dom!top!reader, alpha!reader, omega!bkg, reader has pp <3, should be gn!reader, mention of giving him pups (sorry), alluding to househusband bkg, comparing dick size? 

a/n ;; freud is rolling in his grave at this. sorry. sorry in general. i am unwell. im going to jaill

Bakugou Katsuki rarely begs for anything. 

It goes against everything he knows. In his entire life, the years he’s been alive, he’d be damned to beg anyone for shit. He can do it by himself, and he’s proved this on more than one occasion. Built a name, an agency, every single thing he could ever want in the entire world with his bare hands and a few rough chops here and there. 

He’s all the things Omega’s are not supposed to be, meaning his rough around the edges. He’s mean, callous, has a dangerous job, not very polite or even soft spoken. Nothing about him is typical and he thinks it’s horseshit, that someone can be determined by something so trivial. 

He says that and he looks at you, an Alpha, and he can’t help but think to himself that you’re also nothing like you’re supposed to be. You are soft-spoken. You look like you would hand out flowers to the worst people in the world. The embodiment of love and fucking peace on planet worth. For what it’s worth, Bakugou Katsuki, can’t stand you and your stupid face. You’re an Alpha, you should be more.. more something. It’s like you don’t even understand what you could have if you just tried, if you just - 

He’s gonna blow a fuse if he thinks about it too long. You’ve been at his agency for some time, an employee in HR of all things. The nicest person everyone knows, you double as the person everyone in the office seems to crush on. You guide cute little omegas to their cars when they give you those stupid fucking eyes and release those stupid fucking pheromones' at you. You always smile like you have no idea about any of it. You make him mad, so angry he doesn’t know what to do with himself, you’re just so.. insufferable. 

He doesn’t get it either, why he’s here. In your apartment, in your bed, in the midst of the worst and most intense heat in his life. Why he’s pawing at your jeans with that flushed red in his face, begging for you. It makes you laugh and maybe it shouldn’t. A little giggle coming out of your mouth as he grabs you with so much force. He’s strong but he has that petite quality to him, soft eyes and pretty waist.

“Slow down, Omega. You’re gonna hurt yourself, hm?” 

“Shut the fuck up,” ― he breathes a ragged breath, stumbling as your hands slide into the back of his jeans. He’s wet beyond belief, it makes you chuckle. His whole face drops ― “S-shut up and..” 

“And?” 

He lets out a soft cry, almost pained, when your fingers slip inside. He’s so wet inside, fluttering around just two of your fingers. You laugh a little. 

“And.. and,” 

You can’t help but wanna tease him. Just a little, for all the shit he’s put you through. So bratty and unruly, you fight the urge to eat him alive. 

“And, and - cmon, Katsuki. What is it? Hm?” 

He knows you’re mocking him and he knows he should ignore it. All of that, he knows. 

Bakugou Katsuki rarely begs for anything, but here he is, in your arms with this iron grip in your biceps and this pathetic look on his face. 

“Please fuck me, Alpha. Please,” 

__

You can’t think of a position he looks best in. 

Bakugou feels like silk  around you. Your experience is a little limited but you think you’re fucking lucky, privileged to be inside of him like this. Right now, he’s sitting in your lap. All of his clothes are just half-off. His hero pants are around his ankles and his shirt is just pulled up over his tits 

He’s a mess about it really, heat-drunk and dizzy, all he can do is bounce on your cock with so much force. He looks a little out of his mind, eyes gone a hazy red. Sobbing and drooling like this is the last thing he’ll ever do. He was too desperate to make it to the bedroom so you fucked him right on the couch, everything inside of you screaming to fill him. He deserves it - he works hard. You should give him a knot, you want too bad. Give him some cute little pups and tuck him inside of your house forever. 

God he’s cute. So fucking bratty even when you’re so many inches deep in his stomach. You’ve spent countless fucking hours staring at him but even then you could never imagine him like this, cockdrunk, and riding you like it’s the last thing he’ll do. You’ve got him all covered in hickies, around his throat, down his stomach. 

You pull out briefly, sticky, pulsing at how the air hits and Bakugou looks like he’ll cry. You lean forward, kissing his neck. 

“Relax.. gonna get you on your back. Don’t work too hard,” 

He doesn’t hear you, you’re not really surprised by that. You let him rest for a while, pressing your cock against his. His is smaller like most male omegas are, it’s cute. You press against with a hum. 

“It’s so cute. Don’t need it though, huh?” 

He shakes his head, already trying to jump you again. You manage to maneuver him to his back, slipping yourself back inside with a soft groan. You take a sharp exhale when he takes a soft inhale, burying yourself to the hilt. You can feel how wet he is, full of cum, dripping all over your couch. You’ll have to clean it alter but for now, all you can think about is fucking him full. 

“Ffuck.. fuck pllease,” 

You shush him, a hand on his stomach, fucking yourself into him as deep as you can go. Setting a pace, hard and fast, till your close. Everything feels like it’s burning, the way he holds onto you for dear life. 

“Gonna knot you, okay? Gonna make you feel good, give you something nice?” 

Another please, a hiccupped whine, and pulse around around the base of your cock and you manage it, forcing yourself impossible deep as Bakugou lets out a howl. He falls into a sob, a relieved “shit,” leaving his lips as he clings to you. 

“What do we say, hm?” 

He hiccups, and stares at you, big red eyes full of tears. 

“Th-thank you, Alpha,” 

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Drone delivery crashes

When Amazon announced “Prime Air,” a forthcoming drone delivery service, in 2016, there was a curious willingness on the part of the press — even the tech press — to take the promise of a sky full of delivery drones at face value.

This despite the obvious problems with such a scheme: the consequences of midair collisions, short battery life, overhead congestion, regulatory hurdles and more. Also despite the fact that delivery drones, like jetpacks, are really only practical as sfx in an sf movie.

Now, Amazon has laid off more than 100 Prime Air employees. Departing workers told Wired UK that the division is “collapsing inwards,” “dysfunctional,” “organised chaos.” They called management “detached from reality.”

https://www.wired.co.uk/article/amazon-drone-delivery-prime-air

As Andrew Kersley reminds us, Prime Air was the centerpiece of a massive PR push, with school tours of a “secret” facility and showy promotional videos (high-sfx sf movies, really). Execs said drones would arrive “within months.”

But after the PR wins, the organization became a do-nothing boondoggle where employees openly drank beer at their desks at 10AM.

All of this raises the question: why? Why spend millions on something that was obviously not going to work out?

My theory is tech companies promise to deliver impossible things n order to cultivate an air of mystical capability that’s invoked to mask real-world awfulness.

Amazon’s automation claims — about drones, warehouse robots, and self-driving delivery vehicles — masks their ghastly labor abuses. This is especially useful when automation is used to make workers’ lives worse.

The more automated an Amazon warehouse is, the more workers it injures. Amazon warehouses injure more workers than any other kind of warehouse.

https://pluralistic.net/2021/02/17/reverse-centaur/#reverse-centaur

Seen in this light, many of tech’s worst promises become less silly: Uber promises self-driving cars to distract us from its exploitative labor practices. Imaginary self-driving cars are a way to make worker misclassification seem temporary.

https://pluralistic.net/2020/12/08/required-reading/#goober

Facebook’s promise of AI-based content moderation is a good way to distract us from its dysfunctional, high-handed and corrupt moderation practices, making htem seem like a minor hurdle that will soon fall.

https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20201211/15111245871/content-moderation-case-study-facebooks-ai-continues-to-struggle-with-identifying-nudity-2020.shtml

Every single thing Elon Musk says goes into this category: “It’s ok to destroy astronomy because my satellites obviate the need for fiber infrastructure.” “Tunnels (not transit) will solve traffic jams.” “I am saving the planet by keeping SUVs on the road.”

It’s all the kind of thing Riley Quinn calls “jingling keys” — a distraction for the technologically unsophisticated (and techies who have dipped into their own product) while everyday corporate crimes are committed under our noses.