#I am working on some other things in therapy and it's going well but I wish I could work on this faster

[tanicus-caesareth]

guarana drama, damage control

[toastsnaffler]

was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

[jiimwii]

cyberpsychosis could maybe be so cool if it was people being possessed by some sort of rouge ai,or as part of a corporate conspiracy. like as a planned obsolescence thing where certain parts during production are programmed to make people Do That after a certain point so you have to buy the next new 20,000eddies cannon arms to replace the nearly identical previous model or else you might kill everyone you love and die because your cyberwares "outdated". or untraceable viruses infecting competing corporations cyberware using their rival's customer's livelihoods to sabotage their profits. and maybe any one of those things works in such a way that its designed to detect atypical brain chemistry in a host,and thus triggers more frequently with them to tage advantage of and use those people as a scapegoat and a way to further fear monger against them,and you can uncover that this is the case. or something along those lines. and the more cyberware someone has the more likely it is that they could encounter any of these scenarios. but no it is just #crazy people being too #crazy.

[slugandthorn]

Putting my journal down realizing maybe I shouldn't make a written plan to socialize more efficiently

[savage-rhi]

been trying to conjure the words for a while, but as someone who’s got family who’s also going through some really tough shit involving mental health work, i just wanna say i’m so sorry you lost your job—but you won’t ever have to work with these people again, at least!

definitely look into legal routes, don’t be afraid to ask for support, and don’t give up. and be sure to rest and recuperate, etc. ableism is insidious as fuck, but you can rise above the lows it throws your way!

(hopefully that all was worded somewhat gracefully. i just am so sorry you’re experiencing this shit, man. but you’ll make it out alive! ❤️)

You don't have to worry about wording things gracefully hon. I know you mean well and didn't see anything here that was warranted as an offense.

Thank you for the condolences. This is one thing I'm hanging onto, that I don't have to work with these people ever again.

I will do everything within my skillset and empathy to never dehumanize or treat anybody the way I was treated as a mental health provider. I'd like to think I do a good job of that already, creating a brave space for people, and this experience nailed it in that I won't allow myself to stoop to this level of being insidious as fuck to a human being.

I don't know the full context of what your family member is going through, but hearing that, I hope they get through the ordeal especially if they are dealing with folks who do not have their best interests in mind.

Thank you again for the condolences and for checking in 💙🫂

[theygender]

Yeah sure growing up abused may have left me with permanent scars on my psychological state that I'm still working to unpack, but on the bright side it gave me the ability to give a thoughtful in depth analysis of Roald Dahl's Matilda and all of its adaptations

[dovedrangeas]

btw if you are so repulsed by sex that you cant be normal about people saying they're trying to get pregnant (a very normal thing to do) or being around a pregnant person, you should talk to a therapist about it i think

[n7viper]

I have spent too much brain power today on having an existential crisis about writing (again). partially that I'm exhausting a topic no one cares to discuss/a topic that has been exhausted and beaten to death (perhaps, but I don't mind when other people do that thing). also that I'm trying to allow myself to write small things with the micro prompts but then it's hard to convey what I want in few words. and then of course that I don't have the skill to convey what I want

[roaringroa]

they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end

[psilocybinaut]

It sure does feel like an extra fucking full plate

[oediex]

I wake up, and my back hurts. I stand in the shower, and my back hurts. I sit down on my knees in the shower, and my back hurts. I stand back up, and my back hurts. I'm on the toilet, and my back hurts. I brush my teeth, and my back hurts. I do some strength exercises, and my back hurts. I sit on the couch, and my back hurts. I walk to the nearby shop, and my back hurts. I cook some food, and my back hurts. I eat my food, and my back hurts.

I lie down on the couch, and my back hurts, but it hurts just a little bit less, so I guess that's what we're doing today.

[thebibliosphere]

Speaking of therapy, I say, as though we're old friends, and you're not a stranger trapped in this metaphorical elevator with me and you can hear the suspension wires starting to fray.

I've been doing a lot of work recently that's focused on imposter syndrome and the feeling that no matter how well or how much I do, I'm not good enough. That I'm somehow tricking everyone into thinking my work is actually good.

Some days it's a minor niggle in my head that I can gentle and soothe with logic and affirmations. Or smother, depending on the mood. Other times it's loud and all-consuming and the mental anguish it causes me is so real I can feel it twitching in my muscles. This desperate fight-or-flight instinct with nowhere to go and nothing to fight but myself.

Anyway, because I'm several types of Mentally Unwell™, I was switching between workshop sheets ahead of next week. Filling in different forms. (Trying to get a good grade in therapy) And I got my "recognize your harmful ADHD coping mechanisms" worksheet mixed in with the "you're not actually lying to people, you just feel like you are because your brain is full of weasels" worksheet, and seeing them side by side made something go topsy turvy in my head, and I just had to sit and breathe for a couple of minutes until the urge to scream passed. Because it clicked, it all suddenly clicked.

The reason the imposter syndrome workshops and therapy sessions aren't sticking was because I do routinely trick people into thinking I'm someone I'm not.

Because I'm masking my ADHD for their convenience.

I've always known there was something wrong with me. My neurotypical peers made it abundantly clear I didn't fit in or was failing in some way I couldn't see nor remedy, no matter how hard I tried.

So I compressed myself into a workaholic box of hyper-competence in the hopes they'd stop noticing the flaws and exploit like me instead. And then subsequently lived with the daily fear that if they looked too close, they'd realize I'm a monumental fuck up with enough personal baggage to block the Suez Canal.

If you ever need someone to burn themselves to ashes for your comfort and convenience, I'm your gal.

Or I used to. Until I had a bit of a breakdown, and the rubber band holding my brain together snapped and pinged off into the stratosphere, never to be seen again.

Unfortunately, the trauma of living like that didn't also fuck off and instead left a gaping maw where my personality ought to be, so now I get to deal with that aftermath.

And it's that aftermath that's affecting the imposter syndrome shit. Because yes, I am hyper-competent and good at what I do-- but it doesn't feel real because that is how I mask.

And the truly frustrating thing is I am good at what I do. I am not pretending. I worked hard to be good at this. It just feels like I'm dicking around because 90% of my personality turns out to be trauma masquerading as humor in a trenchcoat, and having people genuinely like something weird I'm doing is so foreign my brain has decided it's just another form of masking.

I'm pretending to be a good author so people will think I'm a good author, and my brain thinks we are in Danger of being found out. We are in Danger, and writing is Dangerous because then people will know I'm Weird and not whatever palatable version I've presented myself as for their NT sensibilities.

Like the neurotic vampire with a raging praise kink wasn't an obvious giveaway.

Anyway. I got nothing else. Thanks for listening.

I'm going to go be very normal in another room and not stare into the abyss of my own soul for a bit.

[roebeanstalk]

6/2 Update: Security deposit has been paid!! Thank you so much to everyone for the help 💚 I still have to pull together all of June rent for my current place which is $675. Thank you everyone for all of the help so far 💚

I’m asking for help with June rent, which is $675 and needs to be paid ASAP.

Cashapp https://cash.app/clawshot

venmo https://venmo.com/rmck89

ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/roebeanstalk

Any help at all is super appreciated. Every dollar adds up, and shares are so helpful too. I know that I’ve received so much help from people in the past and I can’t thank you all enough. I hope that this is the last of these that I have to do.

Needs:

June rent: $23/$675

Security Deposit: $495/495 Paid 💚

Bonus:

July rent (First month at new place): $495

Movers + Uhaul: $300-350

More info on my situation under the cut!

Thank you so, so so much.

I have a history of mental health issues, and as a result I have a very difficult time getting and maintaining employment. My mental health also impacts my ability to keep up with and complete freelance/commission work in a timely manner. While I have made some incredible steps forward lately thanks to the right combo of therapy, medication, and a support system, I am still not at a point where I am self-sufficient yet. I am getting there – and I am committed to keep trying no matter what.

Original post blurb, taken out of main post since deposit has been paid:

My landlord has decided not to move forward with me as a tenant due to my history with payment/mental health. While this is frustrating as heck, it’s allowed me to find a better, more affordable housing situation. I have signed a lease at a new place and move in July 1st!Once the deposit is paid, my space on the lease is officially secured and I am good to go. This is the main thing that I am looking for help with.

Why I need help:

This new housing situation is incredible for me – it’s a room in a quiet house with two other queer folk, and the rent is very affordable compared to my current situation. The new place is $485/month, the current place is $675/month. Even with utilities, my total overhead for shelter will cost less than rent at my current place. If I can secure my spot in this house and move forward, I see such a clear path forward for me in terms of self-improvement and self-sufficiency.

For the first time in 15 years, I feel like I can tackle the things ahead of me. If you’re able to help out I would really, really appreciate it.

What I’m doing:

I am job hunting for something that works well for my situation. With the cost of rent, I think that a part time job will be able to cover it. The process of getting a job is difficult for me, but I am committed to continuing to work at it.

On the art front, I have occasional comic coloring jobs that help me out. I also have commissions – I have finally been moving forward at a good rate and have been really happy with my work. In time, this will be able to be a more standard income route. I also have a Patreon that brings in about $65/month.

Cashapp https://cash.app/clawshot / venmo https://venmo.com/rmck89 / ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/roebeanstalk

Thank you so much for reading over all of this. Thank you to everyone who has helped with donations or kind words or reblogs. Thank you so much to every commissioner and customer who has been patient as hell with me on artwork, communication, and stickers. Thank you thank you thank you. Thanks to every single one of you I have been able to keep pushing myself forward, and I'm so happy to keep doing it and make good on everything. And eventually, give back to my community. I love you all so much, even though i don't know any of you that well. Thank youuuu. <3

[alchemistc]

"Evan's not here," Tommy says, and Eddie scowls at him as he pushes past Tommy, already aiming for the kitchen as he hitches the six pack he'd brought with him up under his armpit. It'd been a - a thing. A 'my best friend and my new friend are too busy sucking face to spend every spare moment distracting me from my problems' thing, a thing where Eddie sort of finally understood exactly why Buck had hip checked him on the basketball court months ago. He wants his best friend back. He wants the ease of his friendship with Tommy back.

Which is - Christ, he's selfish, is the thing. A month without Chris there to keep him occupied and Eddie has had some startling realizations about himself. ("You're not selfish, Eddie, you're the most selfless person I know." from Buck and "So fix it," from Tommy, a rare night out with the both of them because he'd headed date night off at the pass by asking Tommy to go out for drinks before he and Buck could make plans without him).

"My world doesn't revolve around Buck," Eddie tells him, and screws the cap off a beer to hand it to Tommy. Tommy's doing that judgmental face he gets when he wants to say something bitchy but hasn't put the words in the right order yet. And - Eddie's not lying. Buck is a fixed point, an ever present life-line, but he's not the fucking sun.

Neither is Chris, apparently, which is news to Eddie and he's - spiralling, still. Quietly, calmly, and he's only punched one hole in the wall on a bad night.

"You ever go to Frank?" Eddie asks, like Frank is the only therapist in the greater LA area, and Tommy rolls his eyes, disappears long enough for the muted sound of the television to go quiet.

When he comes back Eddie's reading the label on his beer bottle

"Apparently I resent you," Eddie says, and Tommy chuffs a laugh.

"Apparently?"

"No, I -." The words had been just as hard two hours ago. This little trip was his own design, he'd been told specifically to sit in it for a while but Christ, an hour a week isn't enough time to talk through his issues and it's not like he can tell Buck he resents him for finding something he's happy and stable and solid in. So. Tommy it is. "You and Buck are good together. I'm happy for you both. I am."

Tommy settles against a countertop with his hip digging into the Formica. His kitchen has gained a dutch oven that looks suspiciously like the one Buck has been showing Eddie for like six months that he couldn't justify the cost of because he's not around enough to use it as much as he'd like.

"I'm not usually the one without his shit together," Eddie says.

"No offense, Eddie, but I thought the whole point of therapy was you realizing you rarely have your shit together."

Also true. He's - usually better at hiding it though. Kim was a joker stacked up on a wobbly house of cards and he'd known, somewhere in the back of his mind, that she'd bring the whole thing tumbling to the ground. Mass casualty event. No survivors.

"You make each other better people," Eddie says, which is the wrong thing to say apparently because Tommy scowls.

"If you wanna completely ignore all the work we've both put into ourselves," he snipes, and - yeah. Fair. Buck's been in therapy for years now. Every once in a while he'll pull something out of his ass that makes Eddie's skin itch - something so mystifyingly self-aware that it makes Eddie want to claw into his chest cavity and rip out his fucking heart. And Tommy - well, he doesn't know much but it's not like Tommy's the paragon of perfection. He's worked through some shit. Is still working through shit, if the aftermath of his and Buck's first real fight is any indication.

"I've never been with someone who makes me want to work on myself," Eddie admits, and the lines around Tommy's eyes shift. He sighs.

"Never gonna find that if you don't want it for yourself."

Yeah. Frank's said as much. It's just - Eddie doesn't have a starting point. Tommy had the whole hiding his true self thing, and Buck had the dead-brother-shitty-parents thing, and he's whittling them both down to the sharp edges of themselves in his mind, which isn't entirely fair but it's easier than trying to confront what the fuck his own problem is. Dead wife, his kid in another state, a contentious relationship with his father, a whole backlog of PTSD he's never really confronted head on. Weird feelings cropping up about a religion he thought he'd left in the dust and sand of Afghanistan and a hole he's been trying to fill up with other people since - well, he doesn't even know since when.

Tommy's got his dog tags laying in the bottom of an empty fruit bowl on his kitchen table. Eddie's never seen them before, and some part of him knows Tommy'd brought them out for a conversation with Buck he'll never hear himself, and he aches. He doesn't want them, but he wants what they have, wants to be able to talk about the difficult shit without closing in on himself, wants to have someone to come home to, wants -

"I spent six months imagining my therapist's head exploding every time she made me talk about something uncomfortable," Tommy tells him, and takes a long drag off his beer. For the first time since he'd knocked on Tommy's door, Eddie actually feels a little bad about interrupting his night, but that just leaves him spiralling some more because Eddie usually feels bad about everything, all the time, so why hadn't he felt guilty about this until now? And why does he feel guilty about not feeling guilty?

"I just want him to fix me," Eddie says, and Tommy laughs. Laughs hard and long enough that Eddie's feeling offended. Off kilter and pissed off and -

"You're not a single loose wire, Eddie. Can't just replace a cable and have a clean slate. You gotta change your oil and replace the spark plugs and top up the coolant, over and over again until you die."

It's the sort of metaphor Eddie'd like to lob across the field of engagement just to watch it get shot to pieces. It's apt, though.

"Feels like the whole engines gotta go," Eddie tells him "Transmission's shot and my catalytic converter keeps getting stolen and the mufflers been welded back on so many times that it's half-solder."

"Christ," Tommy says, which. Yeah. Exactly. "Well you can't exactly send yourself to the junk yard for scrap and buy a newer model."

"Buck does," Eddie snaps, and Tommy rolls his eyes. He'd been there the last time Buck brought up his 1.0 days.

"Half the time a system update patches ten bugs and creates twenty more."

"So Buck's buggy, is what you're saying."

He rolls his tongue over his teeth. "You are running off faulty software and you've been refusing to update to the new version because you heard it'd burn the battery faster, is what I'm saying."

Eddie doesn't have a whole lot of charge to begin with. And the metaphors are starting to muddle in his brain, too many different ideas battling around when he's already spent an ornery hour talking to Frank and another trying to convince himself he doesn't resent his best friend for accepting his own fucking flaws and working on them.

Tommy sets the beer bottle down. Eyes Eddie for a moment, and Eddie wonders how often he levels that look on Buck, how Buck feels when Tommy flays him open and digs through his insides. "You wanna go hit something for a bit?" he asks, and Eddie nods so quickly he nearly smacks his nose into the brim of the bottle in his own hand. He's about done feeling his feelings, for the moment. He'll probably end up being annoyed that Tommy makes him wrap his hands before he takes some aggression out on the bag hung up in the corner of Tommy's garage, but maybe when Tommy gets annoyed with him and does that takedown maneuver that knocks the wind out of Eddie's lungs when they're sparring he'll let that go.

Tommy flicks his forehead on the way to grab him something to wear. "That's for calling my boyfriend buggy, jackass," he says, and laughs himself all the way down the hall when Eddie splutters after him.

His bedroom door snicks shut by the time Eddie's recovered enough to remind him that he'd been Eddie's friend first.

[harmoonix]

🤍 𝔇𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔯𝔰 🐎

𝓐𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓸𝓵𝓸𝓰𝔂 𝓞𝓫𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓿𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼

🐎 I observed that Capricorn/Aquarius and Scorpio Venus tend not to fall that much in love relationships, definitely not as crazy about their love life rather more about their careers

🐎 Venus in the 11H or 11° 23° since the 11th house is related to the desires, these natives usually have a lot of desires/wishes towards their love life

🐎 Saturn in the 1H/6H/10H/12H are kinda anxious when starting something new because they are known to work and focus on the same thing for a long time, when it comes to starting something new it can be a challenge for them

🐎 Mars aspecting Saturn harshly, and if one of those planets is in the 7H, can indicate being patient in the couple - arguing/fight moments,

🐎 Chiron aspecting Venus or Moon can definitely go up for couple therapy when is needed because it can help

🐎 Cancers and Gemini placements can be good at crafting/creating. Cancers definitely for traditional crafting at home/homemade

🐎 Mars in Aries/in 1H or ar 1° 13° 25° is a known fact that these natives get irritated fast. They have an inner anger that comes out in random moments

🐎 Uranus in the 10H natives or Urnaus at 10° 22° probably have a desire/dream to end up successful at some point in their lives

🐎 Pisces/Gemini/Aquarius and Sagittarius Placements can be interested in space and physics/chemistry, I know so many of them who just love staying in a laboratory doing stuff

─────────────────────

Here I am, so young and strong

Right here in the place where we belong

─────────────────────

🐎 Cancer or Moon in your 7H can indicate a deep need for being nurtured or to nurture others in a relationship

🐎 Scorpio Placements are usually seen as the 'bad guys', but they were the ones to meet the most bad guys in their lives... like these people went through a lot

🐎 Aries/Scorpio/Sagittarius/Capricorn in the 3H can make a person bitter/colder in conversations and is usually when they are being verbally attacked by others

🐎 If we think about it Aquarius/Capricorn and Sagittarius Venus need a lot of freedom in their relationship, they love their relationship but also having some time for yourself is vital

🐎 Leo Venus/Moon/Rising really loves to get compliments. It is a nice thing to feel seen or appreciated by others

🐎 Aries and Pisces Venus needs a lot of trust in their relationship, don't be afraid to trust your partner, if they really love you, they wouldn't lie

🐎 Venus in Virgo/6H or at 6° and 18° is a really lovely placement because it talks about a devoted partner, probably someone picky as well

🐎 Juno aspecting Pluto can indicate a partner or relationship that will change you, so that means you won't be the same you after that relationship

🐎 North Node being less aspected can indicate confusion about what to do with your life next but also having it easier to go through your life stages

🐎 Capricorn Placements are wise since young and are a big indicator of an old soul. They will be more wise with their age

🐎 North Node aspecting Venus in both harsh and good aspects stands for finding a love for yourself, to appreciate yourself

🐎 Saturn aspecting the ascendant natives can isolate themselves from the world, it's like a coping mechanism to help them

🐎 If you have Mars in the 9H and you're in a relationship/marriage, you can have some sort of tension with your partner's parents or family

🐎 Pluto in your 8H/12H can indicate a good intuition but also a strong native because you'll have to go through hardships involving your own evolution

🐎 When you have 9H/12H placements and you haven't moved away from your homeland, you can end wish or crave that, you can crave for moving away

─────────────────────

I've been waiting for you

Here I am

─────────────────────

🐎 Mercury - Venus/Jupiter - Neptune/Mercury - Moon aspects in your chart bring creativity, you can have a creative mind

🐎 Saturn in the 1H/5H/8H helps with the self - improvement over the years, like you get better with the years/in the future

🐎 Most times, an earth Venus will look for stability in a love relationship. If they can't find it, they will just look for it

🐎 Jupiter aspecting Mars natives will get angry easily, and the fun thing is that.. you can see it on their faces..they cannot hide the anger

🐎 Harsh aspects between Sun and Moon can make you hate yourself at times and usually come from the imperfections of yourself. We are all imperfect and we should appreciate that

🐎 Spirit is such a childhood core, yet it feels like a fever dream. The emotional baggage of this movie is crazy. 🐎

[flowering-thought]

Part 2? Fuck I've been thinking about them too much again so here I am ;-;

Supossed to be writing something else but this AU has me held by my nonexistent balls-

Brainrot gods please spare me I am nothing but a simple creature who doesn't get enough sleep

Masterlist

WARNING - MINORS DNI

AFAB reader and reader is described as feminine and chubby/plus sized.

Yandere themes, obsessive behavior

COD Psych Ward Unit × Reader

When you were first transferring shifts from night to day, you only had a weekend to adjust your schedule.

You had told the boys about it previously so they were very eager to actually get to see you in the light of day instead of the cold lights of the hospital at night.

What they weren't expecting was your disheveled form and the annoying laugh of the front desk person who witnessed your poor state early in the morning at breakfast.

Price was pretty sure the scrubs you were wearing were inside out and Ghost could tell from where he was sitting that you definitely had eyebags.

Soap noticed that the usually organized tote bag you brought to work was stuffed a bit more than usual and he could tell you were not very happy.

Gaz had assumed the change would be tough on you but not this tough. The sight of you was enough to make his heart clench and the need to hold you in his arms worsened.

They really hadn't expected you to be this tired. The moment you made it past the desk they saw your shoulders droop and your eyes close for a moment, likely getting your bearings before the annoying form of the one and only Philip Graves stepped in front of you, getting in the way of their view.

"Well, what do we have here? Some poor darlin' made their way to the wrong unit?" the Texan teased, a shit-eating grin tugged at his lips.

What he didn't expect was your eyes to open and softly glare at him, a wry smile appearing on your features as you raised your brow at him, "And I wasn't expecting a warm welcome from a cowboy wannabee? Go eat breakfast, cowboy. I gotta get ready for my shift." You fired at him and watched as he put his hands up and backed away, a genuine grin on his features.

You rolled your eyes and moved down the hall, using your badge to access the breakroom and put your stuff away. While you got ready in the breakroom, trying to make yourself look more presentable and put together before your shift officially started, a commotion was happening in the common area with Ghost tugging graved by the neck of his shirt.

"Keep your disgusting paws off Graves. The last thing they need is some bastard like you interrupting their day." He growled, his fist tight as Soap and Gaz stood just in case they needed to support their lieutenant.

Graves just gave them the biggest shit-eating grin, his hands still up as though surrendering, "I'm not sure what you mean boys? Just givin' my greetings to the miss?" he teased.

Ghost stared him down until he decided to let go, Graves shirt wrinkled and scrunched up from how tight his grip was. Unfortunately, having 141 show interest in you made multiple others notice and observe you. And to Graves? He was curious about you from the moment you stepped into the ward on your day shift with those sleepy eyes that made him think about holding you close under the sheets. What can he say? He's a sucker for pretty things like you.

The moment you stepped back into the hall, the first thing you did was check the schedule, seeing if anyone had any meetings with the doctors or group therapy which was usually every day in wards like these. Much to your surprise there was nothing. You even checked the chart and notes from doctors but it was practically just telling you to let them sit in the common area through the day and lock them up at night.

You hummed to yourself, looking from the schedule to the assortment of men scattered around the tables where shitty games were played and they all clearly looked bored.

You had never worked in a ward as lacking as this one. It's like they were just kept here under high security for the fuck of it. You huffed before checking the rules for nurses and the activities they were allowed to do with the patients. And as you expected you were allowed free reign.

You couldn't help but shake your head in disappointment. Well if you were going to get paid well then you're at least gonna make the patients happy even if you have to force them to participate in activities.

So there you were, standing at the windows where all the tables could see you with an Uno deck in your hands, "Hello! Nice to meet you all I'm coming from the night shift so you'll see me more often!" You greeted, multiple heads and chairs turning to face you.

You hated the shift in attention but kept a smile on your lips and tried to ignore the invasive stares. "I'm nurse (L/n). And the schedule here looks a little lackluster, so I thought maybe a friendly game of Uno?" You offered.

The boys all sat at one table and just couldn't help the little flutter in their chest at your sudden proclamation. Graves sat at a table with Konig and Horangi. Konig, with his constant leg shaking and Horangi, just played with a deck of cards in his hands. Nikolai, who was still eating, sat at a table on his own but put the plate down at the sudden mention of an "activity".

You felt very awkward with all the stares but kept up the smile on your face as you brought a couple extra chairs to an empty table, "If anyone wants to participate, just come sit over here.".

Soap was quick in his decision, immediately choosing a chair next to you and Gaz tried to be fast but sadly Graves beat him to it. Gaz tried to grab Graves by the back of his shirt like Ghost had but watched your brow lift at the sight of his agitation.

With a huff, Gaz sat next to Soap, clearly ticked off, and glared at Graves, who had the same grin as always. Horangi, who you had yet to officially talk to sat down at the table.

Nikolai joined after putting his plate away while the rest who didn't want to participate brought over chairs so they could watch.

You smiled happily as you opened the uno cards and started shuffling, you weren't the best but you tried anyway and then gave everyone their cards.

Horangi lifted his hand, his eyes shielded by his sunglasses so you couldn't tell if he was looking at you or the cards in his hands, "How exactly do you play this?" He asked, his fingers holding onto the cards and fiddling with them curiously.

You looked around as the rest also didn't seem to know how to play the very colorful game of Uno. You laughed as you explained, the sight of grown men not knowing how to play uno somehow very amusing.

After explaining the basics and the rules, Gaz was the first one to get a double plus four by Graves, with an argument breaking out between them about how it's unfair.

Graves ended up calling Gaz a sore loser which made you stop him, "Nope, no name calling Mr. Graves. Play nice or I'll make you quit the game now." You warned, watching as his brows lifted in surprise. Gaz gave him a triumphant smirk and settled back into playing despite the massive amount of cards now held in his hands.

It went on like that for a bit, with the first person to get Uno being Nikolai, who proudly and very loudly claimed victory. "I win so I'll be getting a reward yeah?" He asked, his eyes pointing straight to you.

You just smiled and nodded your head, "Mhm, I brought extra snacks for the dayshift so I'll share them with you.".

The next person to win Uno was surprisingly Soap who had been very secretive about the cards he had and tried his best not to get angry when the color changed to something he didn't need.

Unfortunately, Horangi had the most cards in his hands. The ever-growing pile in his hands looked so bad you wanted to offer to take some off his hands but part of you also wanted to win.

It went on like that till lunch, with you getting uno, then Graves, and lastly with Gaz. The only one who didn't was the last player Horangi who had what you figured had to be the record holder of cards at 36.

You had fairly given out the snacks you promised, with Nikolai getting extra for being the first Uno winner. But you did sneak Horangi some candy you kept in your pocket with a small smile and your index finger to your lips.

And the day went fast with you proposing activities and checking over charts and rules. Honestly part of you didn't understand why these men were here.

From what you had seen all had been a part of the military and all had the problems that came with it. Ptsd, Cptsd, paranoia, insomnia, things that weren't exactly too bad and could likely be treated outpatient with how well the men acted.

You've seen many kinds of people in psych wards, and these men were the kind that would maybe need a month at most, not long-term stays.

While you wondered about it at your little desk you saw the head nurse approaching, a grumpy-looking woman who always had her hair held back in a tight bun that you imagined definitely hurt her scalp.

She looked to be in a bad mood as normally she didn't approach any of the nurses during their shifts and especially not in front of patients.

"What are you doing?" Came the shrill voice you had yet to get used to.

You flinch, your eyes darting between your desk, the head nurse, and the men who all sat eating dinner as it was now later in the day.

You looked a little confused, your hands coming down to sit in your lap, your fingers fiddled with each other before you replied, "Checking charts ma'am? Also checking schedules so I can plan activities." You claimed, your tone coming off ever more confused as if to ask why she was questioning you.

Her eyes glared at you as her hand raised to her hip, "Goodness I know you've been here for maybe what? A month or two? But you don't have to try so hard. This is a very lax ward for nurses you don't have to entertain the patients or even talk to them. Just give them medication and send them on their way." She stated, as though it was the most natural thing.

You wanted to protest but before you could she slammed her hand down on your desk and got close to your face, "Just listen hm? They don't need any special attention. They don't need kind treatment and they definitely don't need to be rewarded. Yes, I can't punish you for doing so but I can make things more difficult if I have to." She warned.

Price hated it, the way your body curled in on itself, how your eyes widened at the woman in front of you. All of the boys practically had to fist their knees to stop themselves from getting up.

Graves was silent but inside he was fuming. It was your first day shift and you're getting scolded by the head nurse for being a good nurse? What kind of damn logic is that?

Konig was getting anxious just watching, his leg bouncing aggressively enough to shake the table he sat hunched over. Horangi would have tried to help him out, but his hand ghosted over the candy in his pocket to prevent himself from yelling at this crazy woman who called herself the head nurse. He always hated when foolish women yell at innocent people like you.

Nik had to look away at some point, his hand gripping the table so tight you'd imagine his veins would pop if he gripped it any tighter.

After the woman thought she had thoroughly warned you, she told you to get off your shift and head home. "What? I don't even have to sign out for thirty minutes!" You protested, standing up to face her better.

You were beginning to get upset at her actions. She had never been this tight on you during the night shift, so why was she like this now?

"Just be glad you're getting off early hm? Have a good night (L/n)." She said.

You looked at her before walking off, heading to the breakroom to grab your things from your locker. You silently fumed as you signed out at the front desk, the women who knew you at the front desk gave you a look of sympathy as you walked off and out of the building.

When you got in your car you had the urge to scream but you just turned your key in and blasted music, your grip on the steering wheel tight.

On your way home you stopped by multiple places, the store to get a month's worth of snacks and the crafts store to get stickers and other things. Among them, you saw a couple of fidget toys. Squishy things and others with all sorts of switches and flips.

You contemplated before grabbing a couple, remembering the chart.

While at the crafts store you also bought some games, simple things that would be safe to bring into the unit and enough to piss off the head nurse, "Don't need kind treatment my ass... fucking bitch.." You grumbled, opening up the door to your apartment and plopping down.

"If I'm gonna be the only nurse to do my job then I'm doing a damn good one." You confirmed out loud, talking to no one but yourself as you clutched the blankets closer before falling asleep.