#I can’t imagine these people have any amount of self awareness or morals

[purpleminte]

If someone was pulling gum out of their mouth to stick to the underside of a table and they happen to stick it right on top of a wad of gum that happened to already be stuck there, would that person get grossed out ??

[weidaoduzun3]

What is My Pluralistic Stance on Human Sacrifice/Murder? (Caution Spicy)

First, I must start by saying: I don’t think human sacrifice was justifiable in any time period, race, culture, or geographical location. I can’t imagine that’s an acceptable way to appease the gods. But in the same breath, I can also be aware that that is my perception of the Divine, gods, and powers that be. Any interpretation I muster will be my subjective interpretation of the symbols and images cast before us by the gods and, ultimately, The One.

If someone today were to think human sacrifices were still acceptable, who am I to say they are wrong and then go out to enforce my perception of what people should be doing? I am not in law enforcement, this is why we have people that do that in society, to go after murders. This is why I’m also drawn to both (Neo) Platonism and Daoism. It allows me to have and establish my morals but also allows me to flesh out my pre-existing pluralistic beliefs. I'm being taught to not make distinctions between what “is” and what “isn’t” and to let Fate naturally distinguish itself.

Zhuangzi says this: "The Dao has no boundaries. Words have never had constancy. It is because of "it is" that boundaries exist (2.14.1-3). Guo Xiang expands on the last sentence: It is because the Dao has no boundaries that each of the myriad things can fully realize the limits to its own potential.

 Regarding punishment and the enforcement of things like murder, I take a very deterministic stance that if it is not in accord with Fate or Nature…whatever we are doing, Nature/Fate, or the Law of the Land will correct it, sometimes in the most brutal and disgusting ways. But we have grown as a society where murder and human sacrifice are unacceptable.

I don’t think pluralism gives the murders any “legitimacy.” I think pluralism allows for more of an understanding of all the bad stuff we do to each other and the world and to try to find the next best solution to correct our mistakes. That said, I’m also being taught/reminded that our knowledge does have limits, and that in turn means so does our understanding of things, be they bad or good.

So how can I "understand" the murder while also believing full-heartedly that their actions are completely unjust and should meet some sort of punishment? Zhuangzi says this: To know how Heaven acts and how man acts is to reach perfection. To know how Heaven acts is to live in step with Heaven. When it comes to knowing how man should act, he takes what his knowing knows and uses it to know what he does not know and so lives out the full span of his years without dying young in mid-course; such is his fullness of knowledge. (6.1.1-3)

I take the above quotes to mean spontaneously having morals but not too self-consciously pondering or enforcing them. To know how Heaven and Man act is to act in accordance with our innate principle, which is always in step with Heaven, if we cast aside the notion of "what is" and "what is not" (Zhuangzi 2.14.11).

And a friend in Discord raised a good point: how much understanding can we give until we give that bad or good thing a platform? The answer will vary for everyone, as I don't wish to dictate how much "understanding" or "knowledge" one should have. According to the words of Zhuangzi and Guo Xiang, we are allotted a certain amount of understanding or knowledge. This doesn't mean it's futile to study or try to gain understanding or knowledge, but it's to recognize your own limits. If Law enforcement and politics are in one's innate nature, then one should most definitely pursue that. For me, I know that's not in my nature. We are encouraged to have "fullness of knowledge," but this is not as good as completely discarding knowledge entirely and leaving it up to Heaven to naturally divide and distinguish. (Zhuangzi 6.2.1). The act of "not knowing" and "knowing" results in a sort of wholeness that our knowledge nourishes what we "don't know," according to Guo Xiang comments on 6.2.1.

We "don't know" why people thought human sacrifice was okay and justifiable. Today, we "don't know" why people murder and why some people have a greater understanding of why the murderer murders. So for each of us, we use what we know to furnish what we "don't know." This is why so many of us have different answers for this spicy topic: Murder and Human sacrifice.

I was explaining a little bit of what I’ve been reading on Daoism to my father, and he’s skeptical too of how “loose” and lacking the ethics are. But that’s a wrong takeaway from what I was saying and pluralism in general. Daoism calls us to act spontaneously when we know something in our innate principle (nature) to be wrong.  If we are perfectly aligned with Fate, in harmony with it, we can act in accord with what naturally is and isn’t good for the world. But first, we must cast aside the very notion that things are and that they are not. It’s very similar to Hermeticism in that respect, as in we must cast aside the physical world and all its illusions to truly find the images of God(The One).

[hishoukoku]

I wanna talk about a few pet peeves with CQL's divergence versus the novel, on the events surrounding Wei Wuxian

Disclaimer: I am perfectly aware none of the things I state below couldn't happen in a live action environment and I'm not blaming them since they had to change these elements.

I'd like to preface that I started learning this story with CQL and at the time I fell in love with it and I still like a LOT of things about it. But then as I've read the novel and watched the donghua I've slowly realized how monumentally more incredible the original story is and how frustrating some parts of CQL became for me.

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1) Wei Wuxian's death

One of my biggest issues with CQL's adaptation, which isn't even direct censorship, it was their own decision to adapt it this way, due to all the other alterations that were made to Wei Wuxian's character (which in turn are due to censorship)

In CQL Wei Wuxian's death is a suicide during the Nightless City events, as we see him being brutally affected and tormented by the events that occured, feeling utterly helpless and unable to discern any other course of action. So, in his desperation, he is shown throwing the Yin Tiger Seal, the most powerful artifact in existence, at the fucking power hungry mass of culitvators to literally fight over, after which he lets himself fall down from the cliff willingly.

This is momumentally diferent than the novel where he was never portrayed as suicidal. He always strives onwards through his sheer amount of will-power and strength.

So I would've loved to see the events unfold as in the novel, where he strives to survive and he only dies, months after the Nightless City incident, during the first siege, where his main focus was destroying the YTS as he realizes it's something even he himself, its inventor, cannot control and it musn't fall into the wrong hands. (as seen in the Chang Sect's massacre)

While trying to destroy the Amulet, it causes a wave of resentful energy and he is either desintegrated or torn apart by the fierce corpses surrounding him.

So it is absurd that in CQL he chose to let those people fight over the YTS, instead of him atempting to destroy it. But he is presented as sort of defeatist and nihilistic in CQL, which prompts him to resort to doing something so harmful and absurd.

Him being a just a victim of so many "bad" scenarios in CQL shows a very downplayed very weakened and mellowed down version of his original character, who is easily unable to cope, due to having stripped away his infailible integrity, will-power and ability to discern his own hubris.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

2) Wei Wuxian actually inventing demonic cultivation like in the novel

Not gonna lie this was my utmost biggest shock regarding their changes, because I knew even before watching that WWX is the grandaddy of demonic cultivation and I was ready to support and simp over him using this path he forged for himself.

Not in CQL tho :D

Wei Wuxian still uses demonic cultivation in CQL, calling it crafty tricks (?) and all his inventions are there, including of course the YTS, but imagine if we were to actually see CQL!WWX invent demonic cultivation and use his wide array of demonic cultivation spells as he should've after he strived so hard to forge a path of his own.

So, in CQL, him using some demonic cultivation is prefaced by the entire Yi Iron arc and the hunt for Yi Iron pieces, which takes a vast majority of the CQL flashbacks. This isn’t present and it isn't needed in the novel. The Yi Iron is only crucial in CQL because it practically explains the already existent and yet unpracticed demonic cultivation that Wei Wuxian happend to mess around with.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

3) To emphasize more on this, a big part of Wei Wuxian's morality is altered in CQL.

I am absolutely in love with how his morality is portrayed in the novel, literally every single aspect of his judgement and morality appeals to me so much, and I am in love with everything he is, it's fucking unreal. He is incredibly self-aware and more realistic and human, because he knows exactly where his stands and doesn't shy away from using any means to accomplish his goals and no matter how he is perceived as, all of his decisions are rooted in and filtered through his own personal sense of justice and selflessness. He’s also aware of his mistakes and assumes responsibility. He’s very absolute about the decisions he sticks to and they are all extremely intelligent and calculated.

He knows his own hubris is the reason for his downfall.

Just gonna add that the morality of MXTX's protagonists is so fucking delicious to me and sooo very rare to see.

But, in CQL most of his actions are invalidated and presented as a victim of circumstance or through others' interference (like the pointless sound of a second flute to absolve him of his guilt) for the sake of being more: good™ xD. In CQL he’s also shown to be in wrong place at the wrong time type of situations, which is highly downgrading what the original intent behind his character was and what he fought for with his own flesh and blood.

His actions are his own in the novel and extremely valid and he assumes every single one of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

4) The necromancy - which is non-existent in CQL

This is another one of my biggest gripes, the fact that all the reanimated fierce corpses were replaced by..uhm puppets xD

Even Wen Ning isn't a fierce corpse as he was in the novel, because CQL prefaced how he was never dead to begin with so technically he was just, uhm very slowly healed by WWX xD.

This isn't just a harmless change, because it causes the biggest plotline of the book (unconvering Nie Mingjue's death) to be severly altered.

This also caused the Guanyin city events to be altered significantly, with Wen Ning weilding Baxia and being posesed by said saber spirit. Because remember? reanimation isn't a thing xD so Wen Ning could not have fought Nie Mingjue's reanimated corpse.

(while we're at Guanyin temple, how fucking amazing would it be if WangXian's confession scene also happened xD)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And there are a few more minor things.

So I can't help but think...

With these few points that I made above, I cannot help but imagine how fucking cool that would be if CQL followed the novel plotline?

And I know, just as my wishful thinking, if CQL had followed all the main ideas in the novel it would really be a masterpiece, because the actors chosen already would nail the novel roles flawlessly, literally cast-wise everyone is perfect!

~thanks for reading~

[scapegrace74-blog]

New Ways of Turning into Stone, Chapter 3

A/N As promised, Jamie returns in this chapter.  He has an appointment to keep, after all.   Because I can’t think of anything more creative, this chapter is entitled “Second Appointment”.  For previous chapters, your best bet is to check out the story on my AO3 page.

The week both crept and flew past, like one of those dreams in which she ran until her lungs burned, but never managed to get anywhere.  Kinetic motion trapped in amber.   Claire never did tell Geillis about her excursion to Corstorphine Hill over the weekend, embarrassed by how it had ended.  

And now it was Thursday.  She’d opted for a protein smoothie for lunch, a meal with no chance of leaving leafy residue between her teeth.  It was likely wasted vanity.  As two o’clock drew near, she bargained with herself to abandon any hope she may be harbouring.  Jamie Fraser had shown no interest in participating in the psychiatric process during his first appointment.  Fraternal obligation had brought him to her office once, but he didn’t strike her as a man who yielded the reins of his life easily.  It wasn’t likely he would return.

When it came his distinctive knock, crisp and insistent, caught her unawares, even though she’d just been staring at his name in her planner.  She hastily pushed the items on her desk to one side, patted uselessly at her curls, and called out for him to enter.

“Good afternoon, Doctor Beauchamp,” he greeted cautiously.  “Miss Duncan told me tae come straight in.”

There was something different about him today.  His clothing, certainly.  Instead of casual wear, he wore trousers and a button down, wet splotches over the shoulders attesting to the fact that it had begun raining again.  And while he still took up an inordinate amount of space in her small office, he seemed... diminished, somehow.  A paler echo of the fireworks display of his first visit.

“Of course.  Please have a seat, Mister Fraser.”

“Jamie, if you will,” he corrected as he settled gingerly into the armchair.  “Mister Fraser was my Da.”

Something about his tone and the fact his laser blue eyes wouldn’t meet her own as he spoke the words caused her to lean into his statement.

“Did your father pass away recently, Jamie?”

A moment, an indrawn breath of panic, and then it was cleverly masked with a wry glance.

“Aye, last year.  An’ yer no’ very subtle, doctor.”

“I didn’t realize subtlety was called for,” she parried.  “You made another appointment, and I specialize in grief counselling.  Why else would you be here?”

Despite the fact that it wasn’t productive from a psychiatric point of view, she enjoyed his reluctance to hastily expose his inner demons.  Too often, her practice required her to work carefully in order to avoid shaping the pliable emotions of her patients.  While obviously hurting, Jamie had an unflinching, unalterable quality that she admired.  Not to mention that the intellectual game of cat and mouse they were playing was wildly stimulating.

“I suppose I enjoyed our conversation,” Jamie teased.  “An’ Miss Duncan’s shortbread.”

With an awkward squint that she imagined was meant to be a wink, her patient rose to investigate the current offerings on her tea table.

“Och, petit fours!” he exclaimed with childlike glee and perfect French pronunciation.  “There was a café none too far from my flat in Paris tha’ made these.  I’d often grab some on my way tae the office.”

He returned to the desk with a small plate of the pastries, pushing it towards her as he settled into his seat.

“No, thank you.  I’ve just eaten.”

Like a searchlight, his bright eyes didn’t miss much.  He glanced significantly at the half-empty plastic smoothie container to one side of her desk.  Rather than chide her for her austerity, as Geillis frequently did, he instead made a show of biting into each of the four little squares until there was nothing left but crumbs.  Her stomach muttered in complaint.

“What did you do in Paris?” she asked as he finished his snack with a contented sigh.

“Oh, a wee bit of this and that,” he demurred.  In response to her exasperated look, he continued, “I started out at the Bourse.  Futures, options, arbitrage, that sort of thing.  I have a good ear fer languages, sae from there I went into foreign exchange.  Import export, and the like.”

“You’re a financier?” she asked, somewhat more incredulous than she ought to be.  She wasn’t certain what she had pictured James Fraser doing for a living, but greasing the wheels of capitalism definitely wasn’t it.

“Was,” he corrected.  “I quit an’ came home tae Scotland last year.”

“When your father died,” she guessed.

“Aye.”

She once again had the sense of standing in front of a locked door that Jamie had no intention of opening.  Rather than hammer uselessly on its stubborn surface, she nimbly diverted the conversation sideways.

“What do you do for work now?”

A slow blink followed by a dawning smile indicated he was aware of her stratagem.

“I’m a carpenter.”

It was rare for Claire to be truly surprised by people.  She made a living reading their unspoken cues.  Twice in the same conversation was unheard of.

“A carpenter?” she repeated as though she hadn’t heard him perfectly well the first time.

“Aye.  Like Jesus, ye ken?”

With a quicksilver grin, Jamie launched into a description of his current occupation, which involved the making of reproduction antiques and custom pieces for clients around Scotland.  She realized with a start that she’d read an article about his business in a popular local magazine.  

International financier.  Self-made entrepreneur.  Tall drink of water.  James Fraser had a lot of things going for him.  And yet here he sat, paying her by the hour to listen to him avoid talking about whatever hardship had befallen him.

She mentally composed a list of the topics he was deftly avoiding with his charming anecdotes.  His father’s recent death.  The reason behind a radical change in career.  Living in the city on account of unspoken ‘family obligations’, even though his verbal reminiscence of the Highlands was so poetic it damn near made her cry.  There was something raw just below the surface of his nonchalance, and her innate curiosity cried out to find out what it was.

“You told me last week that your sister, Jenny, insisted you attend counselling.  But you said that you’re handling matters fine on your own.  Can you tell me why your sister believes otherwise?”

It might have been amusing to see such a large man squirm in different circumstances.  His left hand furrowed through his hair, setting the autumn waves on end.  His mouth, so recently relaxed and mobile as he eagerly shared the details of his craft, froze in a pained frown.  She considered whether she had pushed too hard too soon.

“I gave a lot of thought tae what ye said when we parted last week,” Jamie began at last.  “Tae be honest, it haunted me.  Jen kens me better than anyone, an’ while I like tae complain tha’ she meddles where she doesna belong, the truth is she’s truly scared fer me.  An’ even if I dinna agree tha’ my lifestyle is cause fer concern, I owe it tae her tae try tae sort myself out.  I owe her far more than that,” he finished with a rueful shake of his head.

“What kind of lifestyle has your sister so worried?” she probed.

“Whisky, women and song,” he quipped, before adding, “Weel, I canna carry a tune, but twa out of three isna half bad.”

He tried to smile away the awkward tension that descended on the office, the air ripe with unspoken words.  Claire felt disappointment whirlpool in her gut.  Just another charming rake, after all.  It really shouldn’t matter, and yet somehow it did.  More than she dared to admit.

“Yes, well, the road of excess leads to the palace of consequences, ” she sniffed at last, angry at herself for sounding like a schoolmarm.  What a bore she must seem to him, with her regimented behaviour and rigid morals.

Jamie rose abruptly, and for a half-second she imagined he might lunge at her, or storm from the room.   Instead, he spun around to face the door.  Without a word, he untucked his shirt and began to expose his lower back.

Claire was momentarily stunned silent.  Just as she managed to draw a deep enough breath to censure Jamie for his highly inappropriate strip tease, the golden velour of his lower back transformed without warning into a furrowed landscape of scar tissue, ripples and craters left by some massive trauma.  The air left her lungs on a questioning sigh.

“I ken all about consequences, Doctor Beauchamp,” he stated.  “I live with them every moment of my life.”

Her fingers found the knotted skin, surprisingly warm and mobile beneath her touch.  A shiver shimmered over the unmarred muscle of his flanks.

Before she could find any appropriate words of apology, the office door opened and Geillis stuck her head in.  She barked a cough upon seeing Jamie’s state of undress and Claire’s position, leaning across her desk.  Doctor and patient jumped apart like opposing magnets.

“Sae sorry for the interruption, but yer three o’clock is here.  Should I tell her ye’ve been... delayed?”

Jamie muttered an obscenity under his breath which Claire whole-heartedly seconded.  There was no way Geillis wasn’t going to be utterly insufferable about this.

“Mister Fraser was just leaving, Geillis.”

With a lewd wink and a nod, the door closed.

“Look, Jamie...” she began just as he apologized.  “I’m sae sorry, lass.”

They both laughed nervously.  Jamie finished tucking his shirt into his pants and turned to face the desk.

“I hope this willna cause ye any difficulties with Miss Duncan,” he began, eyes wide with concern.

“No more so than usual,” she sighed. “Geillis is a good friend.  She just... doesn’t know when to quit, sometimes,” she explained.

“Sounds jus’ like my sister.  Perhaps we should introduce them.”

She smiled, struggling to find something else to say to move past the moment.  She could hear Geillis and her next patient conversing just outside the door.  There was no time left for subtlety.

“Will I see you again next week, Jamie?” she asked, giving up on finding a more oblique way of phrasing the question that was reverberating through her mind.

Jamie’s bashful smile dipped towards the floor, causing his hair to fall in front of his eyes.

“Aye.  I’ll even keep my clothes on, if ye ask nicely.”

It was that smile, that hair, those eyes, that carried her through the rest of her week, aloft on the anticipation of something utterly forbidden.

[billionairesitgirl]

Do you have any tips to help someone who keeps failing? I have been trying for several years now to get started and feeling more and more hopeless every year. I have attended $$$ events, lost weight, moved closer to major cities. Then of course COVID struck and made things worse. Is there something I can do that can help me gain an "in" or are certain things just not meant for some girls.

KEEP TRYING !!!

Yes i screamed it...  but that’s because thats the most important thing in succeeding.

Secondly Congrats on taking the steps and trying..... 

(THIS MIGHT MAKE MAKE YOU NEUROTIC.... If you already are then DO NOT DO THIS)

The following is also important 

1.) Have you asked your self why you keep failing?

Take a pen and paper and spend an entire day by yourself. Think, play things over in your head and Analyze.... This is probably the only time i truly suggested, over analyzing the crap out of your life, decisions, faliures and successes. 

(a) What mistakes, do you keep making? or What mistakes do you think you keep making. 

(b) what makes them mistakes 

(c) Would those actions have worked out better in something else or displayed to someone else 

(d) who and/or what would this action work on

2.) List your obstacles ... Every single one you could think of... 

Make 3 categories

 .....Obstacles you have gone through - What caused it? who caused it? (Regardless of who caused it... You owe some responsibility... so still own up to it... But remember BE KIND to yourself...) 

There is a fine line between being kind to yourself  and completely absolving yourself of any responsibility when owning up to the responsibility of things gone wrong

......Obstacles repeated - How do you NOT repeat this Again?

.......Obstacles Imagined and Obstacles that could still happen (based on different things, character flaws, finances, men’s personalities, race, looks, nature) Get as detailed as needed.  

Man plans and God unplans ... 

However, as humans we have ability to at least create contingencies... try to come up with possible contingency plan and POSSIBLE action on how to still not stand still when one of those obstacles appear... Basically figure out another way to scale through, wiggle through, swim through... whatever way (As long as there is life, health and will... there is a way.... After all people have clawed out of dungeous using only a stick or even their finger nails)

3.)  What have you tried that didnt work? or keeps failing... List it

4.) What ever #3 is that didnt work... What is the alternative that you haven’t tried. 

5.) Clearly you see this as an investment if you have lost weight, moved etc... What is missing in the picture? (I don’t know you, nor have I spent time with you or know your thinking process or views... So this is something even if you dont know what is missing... You have to sit and think... Sleep on it, give it time but remain introspective but be mindful to know when clarity presents itself. 

Being brutally Honest with yourself is the only way to know what is missing and where you are missing. 

Example: I met a gorgeous black girl A few months ago. From the get go, I knew she was hypergamous... The men also knew. But there was something missing and i couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Until we were all talking with the men present. 

She carried herself as a pretty girl, sweet and bubbly... But she made the mistake of trying to emulate the white woman’s countenance... So she could be doted on same as a white woman... I can’t explain this in detail.

But while it is good to emulate things noteworthy in other people... She lost her self and her own personal spark.  As a black woman... She avoided the pitfalls of a stereotypical black woman (quote on quote)... in the process, she mistakenly lost her goddess quality and blended in with the rest.  The men moved on from her. 

My Point is: WHAT IS MISSING... Are your run of the Mill? What is your core

6.) Standard - 

Do you have set standards? expectations of yourself and of the Men and of your surroundings?

Do you keep it? Do you up hold it or do you switch or lower it under pressure? 

Not to give too much information... I refused to live in the poor neighborhood when i moved off college campus. I lived in a condo and lived Smack in the center of the wealthy part of the city. I was not in this lifestyle then... But it was simply my standards... And even though it meant staying on campus longer till i got it... I did that.

Example 2: I have friends who do not care what hole they enter to get entertained (granted you can meet people anywhere)... But I am not the type that goes out very often... So why will i waste my few outings in some frat boys bar or club. So I go to high end places.

Example 3: I met a man who recently sold his company with upwards of $80 Million... I wasn’t told... I was aware of the process and listened to him through the proceess complain about delay in the closing and trying to avoid tax etc

He was deperate to meet me in person. As a matter of fact the day he closed. He flew me to his city (I went cause i was bored).  Long story Short... He is the type of man that got lucky... There isn’t much in terms of comparison... Thinks he knows everything, thinks himself black people’s savior and makes comments such as “If there were black women like you”...  Has some racists views he doesn’t think is racists... I met his friends... I liked one (But he just recently got remarried and was the smartest of the bunch). They had pissing games who had thr most rolex collection etc... He was crazy about me... Still is even without so much as a kiss and i spent a weekend there. (Had my own hotel room)

But, I knew while the money was there, he was generous and was crazy about me... It would drive me nuts being with him and interacting with his friends... My standard here is that I won’t deal with any man who so much as stresses me mentally especially as I am a black woman... I won’t take nonsense.

My Point is : What do you compromise on that you do? It is a long road being steadfast to your standard... But it has been worth it for me.

Do not use anyone’s standard... Create your own and work on keeping it... Men will despise you for it... But respect you all the same.... It is a weird placed to be.

7.) What type of events do you attend. When you attend events, go out etc... What do you do? How do you approach these events? Do you wing it? Do you plan it?  Are you fearless and confident or shy or just pleasant enough to exchange pleasantries alone? What vibe do you give off? 

How do you dress? Different styles can come across different ways... Some ooze Sexy, some ooze elegance with a hint of sexy, some basic, some regular, some say just another event person

8.) Closer to Major cities : what part of that do you live? Even if you are not in the center of things... Where do you go when you go out? How often to do go to wealthy areas, who do you interact with there? 

There is a plethora of questions who have to ask yourself.

With Covid I have met people (but then, I work for myself and have more freedom to move around and also take mini vacation in other cities) And I already have a network... So, I have a  leg up -  

But, I know girls here and people are also still meeting people.

What is stopping you? What avenues and methods have you tried? Have you thought outside the box? 

Hopeless? No... Wrong direction... As you fail you learn things that dont work so that should make you hopeful. 

Also, I am a big beliver in manifestation and law of attraction. Feeling hopless will only make things more hopless...It will attract more faliure...

Find ways to think more positively, ways to turn negative things into potentially positive things... In this case you do not have to be rational... Imagine everything negative happening has a positive... 

e.g  : A man cancelled on you = It wasn’t meant to be... It might have turned into a terrible situation for you... Thank God or the universe for saving you from whatever it is you arent aware of. 

eg : Covid happening : Time to make more money, invest. Brush yourself up, level up some more, learn new ways to meet this men and become more resilient so you come out fire when, the world isnt tupsy turvy

e.g : Getting older: Perfect, the more sure and certain you become in yourself, the more you actually find out what makes you stand apart, the more you find out who you are and realize that whatever amount a man was going to give you last year, you’ve outgrown it with age, maturity, acheivements etc.

You get the gist.... NEVER FEEL HOPELESS

You can feel sad... But not hopeless... Dust yourself up and try again...

Maybe one day i will take time out to share some of my own short comings and faliures... Cause i think we share the successes much more;  that people think there aren’t mistakes and faliures and short comings... I have had them, and I continue to work and fix them. 

The only thing is after my introspection... and brow beating myself and figuring it out...i don’t like to dwell on the faliures... I put my self to work updating myself. Besides I think sharing more good news brings more good news and vibes... But, there isn’t anyone that can claim to not have had obstacles and faliures.

Finally: My sister beleives everyone has a destiny... But everyone is also capable of changing theirs... 

With regards to your question...  About certain type of girls ...

The Answer is NO...

Some people might find it harder, or lack the resources and know how

But trying, pushing ones self, acquiring knowlegde and doing whatever it takes (of course within reason and comfines of morality ) Is what makes the difference.

As i write... I know women who took their entire savings to go to ST Barts for New Year...  (Would I? NO) But some would... My point is. 

You will go as far as you are capable of seeing yourself go.

So if you want a change in your pattern... You have to break the wheel... Try something new you haven’t tried yet... And a new approach. 

Question for you: “Gain an in?” Into what circle do you want an in? What type of man

#hypergamy, #datingtips #sugardatingtips #sugardatingadvice #levelup #levelupadvice #sugardatingtip #sugardating

[alfredosauce50]

whenever youre free, can you write yandere 2p china headcanons? im just thinking abt him 👉🏽👈🏽

Yandere 2p! China headcanons

Getting together with you was hard enough. But now that you’re his, he can’t go back to being a second choice he’s always been. He’s never letting you go.

Zao doesn’t have a single yandere characteristic by default, but when he does, ooh boy. It’ll take some time for him to deviate from his normal personality and mental stability, but given enough paranoia and infatuation, he will start losing his sanity, then, his ability to distinguish between right and wrong. And the terrifying thing is, he doesn’t even know it. By this logic, he is by far, the craziest yandere you’ll ever have the misfortune of encountering. 

(There isn’t a lot of fanart on 2p! China so have this fanart of Wei Wuxian for visual purposes)

Home life

He’s very into kissing, so much that he’ll sneak some in while doing the most mundane things. When he talks to you, he will hold your waist and fill the brief moments of silence with kisses. In his eyes, having his lips on yours while a conversation happens is being ‘productive’ as he makes the most out of being with you. Before anything escalates, which ends up happening more often than you’d prefer, you’ll pull away and clamp a hand over his mouth. He’ll lick your hand and laugh at your reaction. 

He bathes with you. He could’ve gone with the more economical option of showering, but he’s far from broke. And plus, he can do so much more while sitting down. You usually stay on the opposite end of the tub, but he’ll pull you onto his lap and whisper this in your ear, “Don’t be shy, kitten. This is your throne.” As you sink into his embrace, which ends up hotter than the water you’re submerged in, he will caress your back and make out with you. Once you’re pleading for air, he will pull away and trail a tongue up your neck instead. When you’re with him, he never actually lets you catch your breath, ever. 

Zao is very mindful of your comfort. Perhaps not when it comes to something sexual, per se, but he will always bring you a blanket if it gets a little chilly. If you forget to put socks on, he will put them on for you without asking. Whenever you go out, he will bring a bag with him and most of the things inside are either yours or for you. 

Spoiling you is a given. He can’t imagine a better way to put his hustle to good use--to give you things you want. Even if you don’t ask for anything, he never fails to get you something you end up loving. But there is one thing he won’t ever let you touch. Substances. Zao is so overprotective in all aspects of your life, he doesn’t even like you drinking. He’s a little more lenient on weed, and will let you have a few puffs of his joint. 

He always covers up at home, and will get a little flustered if you catch him indecent. Zao doesn’t wear a lot to bed, like tank tops and underwear, so he isn’t shirtless very often. The only time he doesn’t get embarrassed is when the mood is... You know. And he’s doing you-know-what with you. Otherwise, he will call you a pervert, but really, he’s teasing you more than expressing embarrassment. Because clearly, that’s rich coming from him.

Yeah. It’s not news how big of a pervert he is. Nor is he ashamed of it. Any dirty thought that crosses his mind, he will never fail to relay to you. It leaves you mortified when he tells you what he wants to do to you, in detail, especially when he isn’t being self-aware. Save that for when you get home, you idiot! But the private sphere only makes him even worse. 

He calms down at night, thankfully, and lays in bed with you on his chest. This is where his love language starts speaking to you. Connecting to you emotionally and mentally is how he shows he loves you. This takes place in long, deep, and random conversations, and if not, he will just captivate you in his dark eyes and stare at you endearingly. “What are you thinking about, kitten? I hope it’s something related to me~” Then, he’ll dig his hands through your hair and massage your head as he breathes you in until he gets intoxicated with you. 

When he gets jealous

He’s the type to get so jealous, it becomes suffocating for him--especially when he doesn’t outwardly show it. So whenever anyone remotely shows interest in you, he’ll keep his cool for the most part, but will get very irritable and clingy. It doesn’t matter how subtle they were, it could’ve been a single glance, even, but alarms will go off. He will pull you into a tight embrace and bury his face in your neck until they leave. You don’t really mind because he isn’t giving anybody trouble, but you do find it cute when he immediately returns to his soft side afterwards. 

Zao isn’t the biggest fan of conflict, even if he’s more than capable of it. Instead, he will gravitate towards his intelligence and cunning to outdo anybody he hates. Stalking is definitely on the table if he needs to get to know someone, then, when it comes down to it, sabotage. He will do anything to keep them busy so they wouldn’t have to see you. And he succeeds every time without you finding out.

Unlike most SO’s, it’s easier for him to get jealous over friends than love interests. He values the emotional aspect of your relationship with him the most, and gets very upset if you bond with people other than him, platonically or not. To make up for it, he demands your attention and ensures the time you spend with him is two times more fulfilling than whoever it was you were with. This is the fundamental reason why he’s more susceptible to getting jealous--literally anybody is a rival in his eyes. 

This is all the more reason to be so much more paranoid and restless than other typical yanderes. 

When you argue

He doesn’t agree with you on a lot of things, so it’s like talking to a brick wall. Objective subjects are easy to get through when it’s straight up facts, but if the topic is about what he can or cannot do in the relationship, save your breath. You will never get through to him. When he feels entitled to something, he takes his own side, regardless of what you feel about it.

Nevertheless, he will do the bare-minimum of leaving you alone in the meantime when you’re upset. That’s how he somehow respects this boundary he just crossed. But a few hours later, he will go back to normal, which means he will be affectionate even when you’re not in the mood. This cues the second phase of the fight. While you’re trying your damndest to push him away, he will corner you, physically and mentally. 

While he hugs you tight, he will force you to look at him while you cry. It’s invasive and suffocating, but the night always ends with you making up with him. Be it kissing or other means. It’s unfair, but no matter what he does, you can’t help giving in to him. And he knows this very well. That’s why he keeps doing it.  

Psychology + When he snaps

He is much more intelligent than he lets on. Even though he already knows you like the back of his hand, he studies you every day. If you asked him what you were thinking about, he could probably guess it. That’s what makes him such an intense lover. You can’t hide anything from him if you tried. Hence, he has a terrifying amount of control in the relationship, and he will use it to his advantage.

Zao is a good multitasker. He can juggle his ‘job’ and hobbies while keeping you in the palm of his hand. There is absolutely nothing you can do without him finding out, and this is precisely how he keeps himself miles ahead of you. 

As everything progresses, he will tolerate less and less. His love language is how much quality time he gets with you, along with emotional connection. Eventually, he will start ruling out the prospect of you having any of these things with anyone besides him. That includes friends, so he will start isolating you from them, all until the only soul you are truly close to is him. Soon, you will have to rely on him for everything, which he absolutely loves. He will make himself the only person in your life. 

As this continues, he will become obsessed with the idea of your co-dependency on him. Zao always loved looking after you, but he isn’t satisfied with that anymore. Being your own person? Hell no. Every single thing you do, he will be in the backdrop. If not, he will be next to you, and start influencing your own thoughts until you can’t even trust yourself. 

At this point, he is manipulating you to accept everything he does. And he succeeds a lot of the time, especially when he’s so unfazed. You start wondering if you should be this unfazed, even when what he’s doing is wrong. 

If one of your friends tries to intervene, he will make sure they won’t see the light of day ever again. He has a lot of connections, and combined with how cunning he is, he can get them to disappear with the snap of his fingers. He will keep doing this until every single person in your life is gone if he has to. 

Zao acts purely on his own desires. It’s his moral compass. Right and wrong will blur together so long as it’s for you, and there’s nothing he won’t do. Murder is as casual of a topic to discuss and do as having breakfast. 

A lot of psychopaths would at least get the thrill of doing something so heinous, but he won’t give a shit. He won’t bat an eye. He won’t feel the smallest shred of remorse and carry on like nothing happened. But what he will feel is satisfaction. 

If you find out what he did

You can cry all you like. He’ll only feel remotely guilty because you’re heartbroken, but it passes pretty quickly when he’s happy with what he’s done. You could try running away too. Try. But he always finds you. It doesn’t matter if you leave the country and go into hiding. He will follow you to the ends of Earth for the rest of his life. What can he say? He loves a good chase. It’s a fun game of cat and mouse he knows he’ll win. 

Every time he finds you, he’ll sneak up to you from behind and whisper, “Are you done, now? Let’s go home already.” If you try to run away again, he’ll just catch you and hold you tight, even while you’re thrashing in his arms. “I can do this forever, kitten. You have nobody else to go to, and nowhere else to be. So don’t waste your energy and come back with me.”

Response to ask: 

Of course :) I’m honored you submitted an ask to me after thinking about him 🤗 He’s definitely one of my favorites! Zao’s gotta be the most fleshed out 2p next to Allen. Since 2p’s aren’t canon, they rely solely on the fandom’s interpretation and ability to dish out content on them. I haven’t seen any proper yandere stuff on Zao, so I think this is a first. And boy, he’s a terrifying one for sure. I feel like he embodies the worst of the yandere trope because he’s into psychological manipulation. Worst isn’t the right word, actually. I believe ‘accurate’ is a better way of describing it. This is what a real yandere looks like. 

[sk1fanfiction]

the many faces of tom riddle, part 1

-no hate (this is merely my humble opinion) but i strongly dislike tom hughes as tom riddle, and here’s why-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION.

Just personally, this fancast induces a lot of cognitive dissonance for me, but this is the first time I’ve been able to sit down and articulate properly why it always throws me for a loop.

Now, does he fit the visual/aesthetic archetype?

Yes. I understand completely why people like this fancast. We know that he is studious, intellectual, and (at the time people generally fancast him for) involved in the criminal underground, and he more-or-less fits the physical description.

And, to be clear, it’s not that I don’t think Tom Hughes could play Tom Riddle, it’s that I don’t think the character he plays in the fancasts is a close enough approximation of Tom Riddle.

For me, herein lies the issue.

Tom Riddle’s character is all about the emotions bubbling under the surface. He’s a disaster waiting to happen -- he’s angry, he’s lonely, he wants revenge, he feels empty and hopeless and desperate, he’s irrational...

Not sure what movie/show the Tom Hughes clips come from, but the character he plays isn’t that at all. the character he plays is very self-possessed, poised, self-aware. Reflective. Remorseful (there are clips of him crying when/after he shoots someone). Introspective. 

That, to me, is not Tom Riddle at all. 

Yes, he does deal with moral conflict, but it’s never at the forefront of his mind. It’s not something he’s constantly grappling with. He doesn’t really... brood in this Hamlet-esque way.

Tom doesn’t think. Sure, he plans, he ruminates, he rationalizes a posteriori. But he’s very unaware of himself (in fact, it’s one of his fatal flaws). It’s not that he doesn’t have emotions; just that his internal state is a mystery most of the time.

He doesn’t connect with his own emotions; he is completely estranged from them. Tom cannot tell you whether he is happy or sad (not just because of his pride). He keeps his emotions and moral compass (which are highly uncomfortable things), in a locked little box, swallows the key, and disregards them. And yet, this character connects so deeply with his emotions that even the audience can see exactly what he’s going through. 

(There’s an openness -- an ease of vulnerability -- that Tom Riddle doesn’t have)

The thing about Tom, is that he hates himself just as much as he hates everyone around him. Creating Horcruxes to save himself from death is not an act of self-love, or even narcissism to the extreme; instead, forcibly ripping your own soul seven times is the most literally and metaphorically self-destructive thing a person could possibly do.

"Of the Horcrux, wickedest of magical inventions, we shall not speak nor give direction —"

If we go all the way back to Book 1, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, you’ll remember that the eponymous material (first described in the Epic of Gilgamesh) is capable of producing the Elixir of Life, a magical substance that makes its drinker immortal, as long as you have a steady supply. Not only that, but according to the beliefs of historical alchemists (such as Nicholas Flamel), it was capable of curing any disease. In the alchemical tradition, it symbolized perfection, enlightenment, and heavenly bliss.

If all Tom Riddle was concerned about was prolonging his life, this is the obvious (and better) option.

Here’s the alchemical symbol of the Philosopher’s Stone. Looks kind of like the Deathly Hallows symbol, right? It represents the interplay of the (at the time, believed) four elements of matter -- a sort of periodic table, if you will.

The mature Philosopher’s Stone was believed to be a red stone (for making gold), and the immature one a white stone (for making silver). Rubeus Hagrid and Albus Dumbledore, anyone??

"So he's made himself impossible to kill by murdering other people?" said Harry. "Why couldn't he make a Sorcerer's Stone, or steal one, if he was so interested in immortality?"

And Dumbledore responds:

"But there are several reasons why, I think, a Sorcerer's Stone would appeal less than Horcruxes to Lord Voldemort.”

"While the Elixir of Life does indeed extend life, it must be drunk regularly, for all eternity, if the drinker is to maintain the immortality. Therefore, Voldemort would be entirely dependent on the Elixir, and if it ran out, or was contaminated, or if the Stone was stolen, he would die just like any other man. Voldemort likes to operate alone, remember. I believe that he would have found the thought of being dependent, even on the Elixir, intolerable...”

And while, yes, he did try to steal it rather than make it, I am sure that in the time it took Tom to make all of his Horcruxes, he could have learned enough alchemy to produce it for himself (or wheedled the information out of Nicholas Flamel). While Dumbledore hypothesizes that it’s because Tom hates feeling dependent, this must be irony, because he spends the first book as a literal parasite, the next three as a virtually helpless creature, and the remainder still reliant on his Horcruxes.

"Well, you must understand that the soul is supposed to remain intact and whole. Splitting it is an act of violation, it is against nature."

But, like me, Dumbledore is making guesses at Tom Riddle’s internal state, and in this case, I think, he’s made an oversight. Horcruxes make him equally as dependent as the Philosopher’s Stone would have. It’s been established in canon that you cannot make yourself immortal without help; either you rely on the continued existence of your Horcruxes or your supply of the Elixir.

And while the Elixir represents the positive aspects of eternal life, like renewal, rebirth, and the cyclical nature of the universe (see above the ouroboros of Cleopatra the Alchemist, one of the four women who knew how to make the philosopher's stone), a Horcrux is antithetical to life. It represents disorder, and once the creator of Horcruxes dies, they are unable to move on from Limbo -- shut out of the cycle. Harry describes Tom’s mangled soul as looking like a flayed and mutilated baby -- permanently immature and stagnant.

This theme of destruction is furthered by the Golden Trio’s discussion on how to reverse the process:

Ron: "Isn't there any way of putting yourself back together?"

Hermione: "Yes, but it would be excruciatingly painful."

Harry: "Why? How do you do it?"

Hermione: "Remorse. You've got to really feel what you've done. There’s a footnote. Apparently the pain of it can destroy you. I can’t see Voldemort attempting it somehow, can you?"

With this in mind, we can surmise that Tom is either (a) impatient, which we know he is not (b) there was some deeper reason for favouring Horcruxes -- so, yes, I believe that either metaphorically or literally, this was self-harming behaviour.

He takes on the name of Lord Voldemort because he hates himself, Tom Marvolo Riddle. He hates the Muggle part of himself so much that he’s willing to tear apart his entire being. 

"Voldemort, is my past, present, and future, Harry Potter..."

If that isn’t renouncement of himself, I don’t know what is. He was clearly not born Voldemort.

While of course, this does NOT excuse ANY of his actions, I find it vastly implausible that the likes of Malfoy, Mulciber, Carrow, etc... would have been welcoming in any way, shape or form to an assumed ‘Mudblood’ in scruffy secondhand robes from a London orphanage, and as such, indoctrinated him into his fanatic belief in blood-purity via antagonizing him. 

(Imagine Hermione, but poor and without parents, in the 1930s/40s. She would not have been treated well in Slytherin, either.)

Children are more vicious than you think. And while Tom probably gave as good as he got at Wool’s Orphanage (and was possibly an active aggressor himself), Hogwarts wouldn’t have been a level playing-field. (I’ll talk a bit about this and the significance of the Gaunt Ring in Part 2).

In other terms, I think Tom was bullied for having dubious origins. That’s often the swiftest way to radicalize someone, and would have left Tom with a crippling sense of self-hatred that I don’t think he would have even picked up from the orphanage.

(And it’s possibly this early experience with relational aggression that results in his constant need to be on the offensive/defensive, distrust of others, and fear of vulnerability. To me, this is an archetypal response of someone who was a past victim of bullying.)

Why else would an extremely powerful half-blood subscribe so strongly to those beliefs? (Rather than discriminating via amount of raw power or something -- because what Tom is immensely proud of when Dumbledore meets him is his ability, not his parentage). But I digress.

Now, Tom Riddle is never, ever quietly menacing like this. The mask is either completely on or completely off. We never see this character angry. Tom Riddle, when the mask slips off, is fury incarnate. Anger is the one emotion he doesn’t find weak; the one emotion he’s completely and utterly honest with.

Besides, that brings me to my next point. Tom’s not quite so austere. In fact, he’s quite witty, and often quite pleased with himself.

Just look at the difference in their body language. Tom has much more fluidity (he’s circling Harry, the head-tilt, the eyebrows move and he smiles a bit) than the other character, who has so much tension. Yes, they’re both menacing, but in completely different ways. Tom is comfortable with his actions, no matter how shitty they are. This other guy doesn’t like doing what he’s doing, but he’s going to do it, anyway.

Contrasted with the above, Tom’s unawareness of himself is such that we end up with a character who has a bizarre mix of extreme self-hatred and high self-esteem -- he always believes he is in the right -- in this case, doing Salazar Slytherin’s noble work -- while going to extreme, self-destructive lengths, such as tearing himself in half at the mere age of sixteen.

So, sorry... I kind of get the appeal, but... I don’t like the fancast. 

(More unpopular opinions coming at 5:30 PM EDT tomorrow!)

[closetedotaku01]

can i rq for insecure s/o that have a beautiful body but she recently gained weight and kept overthinks it, but none of her friends are helping her out cause they think her body is nice and keeps taking her insecurities lightly.. for kuroo and oikawa pls

Imagine for Kuroo & Oikawa with insecure FEM S/O lacking a support system.

A/N: Wow I love this ask with my whole heart. Even chose two of my favorite characters. And may I just say these two might be the best in this situation, given that they’re captains, and aside from Bokuto captains are very aware of their teams and the general mental state and morale of every person on their team, so they might be the best people for this situation.

TW: Body image issues, self-esteem issues

Now: Imagine time!!! 

Kuroo Tetsurō

-Kuroo would notice you spending more time in the bathroom. More time picking out outfits. And your generally more disgruntled demeanor

-He can tell you’re unhappy, but he cannot tell what about. As far as he knows there’s nothing that’s happened. But he figures you’ll tell him in time whatever is bothering you.

-And then one day he’s out with you and your friends and one of them compliments your outfit and your body.

-He sees the way you immediately flush and reject the compliment. It’s not a humility thing or a simple deflection out of embarrassment, he can see you wholly and fully rejecting the compliment. You don’t even look like it made you feel good.

-He takes your hand in his and is about to ask you if everything’s okay when one of your friends whines about how pretty girls always fish for compliments

-He notices how your chuckle is feigned and your eyes look beyond hurt, watering a bit. How you squeeze his hand slightly.

-Your mutter out something he can’t quite make out over the sound of everyone else talking, but it’s something along the lines of you mentioning your weight gain. And it clicks for him.

-One of your friends talks about how you still look “fine” and he can’t take it anymore. You’re far from fine. As far from fine as it gets. You’re magnificent, an absolute treasure, and fuck them for not noticing that the most beautiful girl in the entire world is not happy

-Fuck them for not seeing it. Fuck them for hurting you. He is not having it.

- “I’m sorry everyone, we’re headed home now,” he says, already standing up and grabbing your purse to hand to you.

-You follow his lead solely because you’re scared if you don’t you might burst into tears in front of everyone and you don’t want to cause a scene.

- “Awww come on where’re you going? Why can’t you guys stay?”

- Kuroo doesn’t miss a beat, “I need some alone time with my gorgeous girlfriend.” He turns to you, speaking barely above a whisper, “You ready to go, love?”

-You nod at his gentle words and head back to your apartment together.

~~~~

When you enter your apartment, Kuroo immediately pulls you into a tight hug. “I’m sorry,” he whispers to you, tucking his body into yours, head into your neck, arms wrapped tight around you.

The tears you’d been holding back fall freely from your eyes and into his shirt, “I’m sorry, Tetsu I--”

He pushes you back, holding your shoulder at an arm’s length, “What are you apologizing for, love? You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.” You can’t meet his eyes, forcing yourself to stare down at the visible extra weight you’ve put on.

“For… not looking like the girl you fell in love with,” it’s all you can say before the sobs start pouring out. Hating your body. Hating yourself. Hating yourself for putting the most caring man you’ve ever known through this with you. 

The sobs tear through your body leaving an aching wreckage in your chest and your stomach and your back and your throat. There’s nothing left undamaged. Every bit of you is in so much pain and is shaking, like the pain you’ve been feeling finally exploded and is trying to escape by any means it can, fighting to escape even through your shaking fingertips. 

Kuroo puts his hand to one cheek and wipes the tears on that side, he bends down so his face is in front of yours, “Look at me.” His voice is soft and comforting filled with the love, care, and respect you had grown used to, but these words were packed full of them. Even when you knew you didn’t deserve all the affection.

He inhales deeply, “Deep breath in through your nose,” he exhales softly, smiling with his eyes as he blows lightly on your tears sending coolness into your burning cheeks, “And out through your mouth.”

You copy him as he repeats this until your breathing steadies. Until your heart has stopped slamming against your chest. Until the pain in your body is reduced to a dull ache.

Your eyes are still on his, and he’s looking at you with passionate love and fierce compassion, “There she is. There’s my beautiful girlfriend,” he says with a shy smile.

“I’m not---” a sob threatens to reappear, but you catch it in your throat.

“Love, you are beyond gorgeous. Your body is so sexy and still so adorable and pretty. I don’t know how you do it,” he kisses the crown of your head, “you mean the world to me,” a kiss to your forehead, “and if you call my world anything less than a goddess, anything less than perfection,” he kisses both of your eyelids and the tip of your nose in quick succession, “I will have to fight you.” He punctuates his sentence by planting a kiss on your lips.

“Tetsu, just because you’re my boyfriend, doesn’t mean you have to lie to me. It actually means you shouldn’t lie to me. And I know I don’t look good like this.”

His shoulders fall. And he has a sad expression on his face, but his eyes are still happy and you can see the smile tugging on his lips as he looks down, “Oh I get it,” he takes a long pause, “you think I have bad taste.”

You hit his arm playfully, “Tetsu, I’m serious!”

“So am I!” he shoots back, chuckling lightly.

“Okay, love, I know you don’t believe me. But you are seriously gorgeous. Completely, out of this world gorgeous. Beyond any person, place, or thing I have ever seen. The whole cosmos comes together to make the Earth and everything in it and around it, and the only part of any of it that’s worth seeing is you.”

His words feel raw and sincere, but you’re about to reject his kindness when he says the words you’ve been waiting for, “But you don’t see yourself that way. And that means you’re wrong…. But you do deserve to feel as beautiful as you are. And to feel as happy as you always make me. So if you want to come with me on my runs or if you want me to help you with anything let me know. I think you’re gorgeous but more than anything you deserve to be happy with how you look. So I’ll be right there by your side to get you there safely and healthily.”

You start to tear up again, your chest welling with love for the man before you. You collapse into his hold, and he holds you tight. He pulls away slightly to get a look at your face, “On one condition.”

You nod.

“I disagree, but I still believe that you don’t see yourself as beautiful. So even if you disagree ... can you please believe me when I say I know you’re absolutely bewitching.”

You nod again, and he pulls you in close to his body, happy to have brought you peace. 

Oikawa Tōru

-It wasn’t intended to wound you. In full honesty, it wasn’t intended for you. But you’d heard it nonetheless and it was roaring through your mind.

- “Pretty people never date down.”

-You’d heard in passing as you walked down the street. But the words bounced around, rattling everything in your mind.

-You never thought of yourself as particularly pretty, but you’d certainly done yourself no favors by putting on a healthy amount of “relationship weight”.

-You tried going to your friends, desperately craving some semblance of comfort or hope for your relationship with THE universally recognized pretty boy Oikawa Tōru.

-They shot back sarcastic comments about your “pretty girl problems”

- “Former pretty girl problems" was the only thing your brain could shoot back, determined to push you into a hole with the crushing anxieties you had about your body now doubled up with losing the person you loved and trusted most in your life.

-You walked into your apartment, your boyfriend on his laptop watching and rewatching one of his games, taking notes on his performance as well as the performance of each of his peers.

~~~~

“Hey baby how was your day?” his words are unfocused. Almost like he’s reading from a script as he jots down more notes and rewinds to rewatch the same play again.

“Terrible,” you say, honestly believing he’d be too caught up in his game to care. Who’d care for the ugly girl they were stuck with anyway? He probably stuck with you out of sheer pity.

He immediately paused the game and turned back to face you, “Aww no, what happened, baby? Come here.” his arms were open wide for you on the couch. 

“You know you can leave,” you said before you could think better of it. You regretted it. You didn’t want him to know that. You selfishly wanted him to stay with you forever, even if only out of pity. But… he did deserve better.

“What?” he asks quirking a brow, aware of how serious you sound, “I don’t want to… leave. Do you just need some alone time, Y/N? I can go on a run or something if you need some time to clear your head.”

“I meant ... leave me,” you say, your voice weaker and higher this time as tears that you hadn’t even felt forming started blurring your vision threatening to spill any moment.

He was in front of you in a heartbeat, “I’m sorry. I’ve been focusing too much on other things, haven’t I? I promise I don’t wan--”

“No the problem is you’re focusing too much on me!” your voice comes out as a yell and you see the half-step he takes, backing away from you, “you deserve better Tōru. You should want to leave.” With that, the tears spill over and your legs give in as you fall pathetically to the ground.

This moment is the very reason he should leave. You can’t even hold yourself together. You’re not pretty, you’re not strong, you’ve yelled at him when he’s done nothing wrong… you hardly deserve him.

You feel his hand meet your cheek and you flinch slightly at the contact, but neither of you move. His hand drifts down to your chin, lifting your face up so your eyes meet his. Your anger and sadness triple down on you when you see he’s got a fake smile on, his eyes rimmed red, tears forming because of you.

“I love you. I am not leaving you. Full stop. So please tell me what’s bothering you, baby.”

You want to ignore him. You want to grab your things and leave so he can get started on finding a better match so he wasn’t stuck dating down. With his body and mind and humor and kindness, he’d have no trouble. He had a million fans on standby at any given moment anyway.

But you don’t. You don’t pack. You don’t leave. You instead, pull his body into yours, desperately clutching his shirt with whitened knuckles, sobbing into him. 

With time you let his strong arms bring you peace. With your body molded tight against his, you eventually match his breathing, steadying yourself. His smell grounds you, the feeling of his hand in your hair calms you, and the soft, gentle praises he coos into your ear center you. Effectively, he slays every intrusive thought in your mind.

“You’re so perfect for me.”

“I never want to leave you.”

“You’ve made me the man I am today. I wouldn’t be here without you.”

“I know the path to being my best self, is a path I’ll only be able to walk with you by my side.”

“You’re my whole world, baby. Please stop discounting yourself.”

“I wouldn’t change one thing about you, baby. Not even your stupid jokes. Not even the way you tease me.”

“I love your mind and the way you think. How kind and passionate you are. How you support me through everything. How you take such good care of me and everyone you love. God, I love the way you love. I love how wholly and completely you give love. And I love your body, baby. I love how pretty your face is, how perfectly your body fits with mine, how completely, mind-blowingly sexy you are. All of you. There’s not one part of you I am not head over heels in love with. We’re an absolute knockout of a couple, but you are by far the better half. Baby, please believe that because it is the truth.”

Every word is woven between kisses and touches and the easing of your whole body and mind. There was no way these words were planned. They were genuine. You could hear the authenticity in his voice, even though the unpleasant raspiness that had formed as he desperately tried to hold back his own tears. He had you whipped. Completely convinced.

You belonged here right in his arms. Right up next to him. As close as the world would allow any two people to get.

After you’d calmed down completely he asked without looking at you so he could keep you close, “What happened?”

You told him everything. The words you heard. How they beat around in your head, leaving a cold thunderous ache throughout your body. How your support system had failed you. How he had saved you from the treacherous thoughts that were certain to continue sending you spiraling downward if he hadn’t fixed everything simply by being him. And how much you treasure him.

He let out a breathy laugh, that soon grew into a full-on laugh as the tears finally left his eyes.

“It’s not funny Tōru!” you pout, basking in the sweet sound of his deep laughter.

“I know,” he says, still laughing. He clears his throat and does his best to stifle down the laughter, but it keeps bubbling up, “I know, baby. I know. But you know how I feel and you know that’s not going to change.”

“Then why are you laughing,” you ask, giggling as you wipe the last of your tears from your face and wipe the ones from his. 

“All I can think of,” the laughter breaks through his sentence, but he regains his composure, “is that you think I’m the prettier one.”

You hit his arm as you two laugh on the floor behind the couch, perfectly at ease with the man who you adore, and who adores you.

~~~~

Also just a reminder: Weight =/= beauty. So whether you are plus-sized, or thin, curvy, or flat, your body is perfect as it is. Just please stay healthy and happy and that’s all it takes. “Fat” does not mean ugly. “Skinny” does not mean ugly. Please stop associating these words. They’re not the same.

Beauty is your kindness and your compassion and your integrity. Your will to fight another day, your will to stand up for others, your will to give voice to the voiceless. It’s the way you look when you’re passionate and the way you constantly bring joy to others. So while I personally do understand associating my worth and my beauty with my weight, we all know that it’s just incorrect. Beauty does not fall into any physical mold, so please don’t try to hold yourself to a mold that was created by people who profit off your insecurity. You are you, and that is a goddamn blessing. You are you and that is more than enough. Your body is perfect. Please be kind. 

[asleepinawell]

hiii not sure if it’s okay to ask a poi question but here it goes - i recall seeing you expressing (at least some level of) discontent with what Harold has done on the show (to root, to shaw and all those hypocritical decisions throughout). would you like to share more about your thoughts on this character? tks

always okay to ask poi questions. since the fandom is pretty small these days i was going to put my answer under a read more line so people could ignore it more easily if it’s a subject that bothers them but apparently you can’t add read more lines in ask answers? thanks tumblr! so if this is a topic that annoys anyone, please, just skip it. also, while some of this is facts or based on facts a lot of stuff is obviously my opinion and therefore not canon and not the only opinion etc etc.

in general, i wasn’t crazy about the way harold treated any of the other characters (with the exception of john who he had a pretty great relationship with). for root, there was the refusal to call her root, which i found very gross and uncomfortable (like, in general you should respect what people ask to be called, but also it was linked to the traumatic death of her childhood friend and he absolutely knew that so fuck that shit). he even said something along the lines of 'john reese is what you prefer to be called' to john right in the first episode? he was okay with using reese's fake name, but not hers because he made her identity into a power game.

he also tended to be..hmm, patronizing is the wrong word (and lbr root was extremely patronizing to everyone) but more that he treated her like ‘rehabilitating’ her was his pet project or something. i mean one thing that always struck me was his ‘what happened to you’ line in bad code and then the subsequent decision to put her in a mental institution instead of, you know, jail, which is where every other perp they ran into tended to go. he saw her as broken and flawed and in need of his help which, to me, came off as hypocritical and belittling.

also, putting someone in a psychiatric institution where they get pumped full of drugs when they don’t need to be? really fucked up! even if you argue root needed therapy/was depressed whatever, that’s not what they were treating her for. they were treating her for ‘delusions’ and ‘hearing voices’ which were...real things. like, the machine was speaking to her. harold knew that. he let her get put on all sorts of medication and put in solitary confinement and oh yes also her doctor was a really fucked up dude, something harold could easily have dug up if he’d bothered. also the whole ‘killing off a woman to advance a man’s character development thing’ is, uh, a bad trope. to put it mildly. i could write a lot more about his shit with root but let’s move on.

in some ways, his attitude towards shaw bothers me most. he consistently treats her like she’s violent and unhinged because she has aspd and despite the large amount of evidence to the contrary. she is, in fact, the most cool and controlled member of the team (not counting carter) and the least likely to go off half-cocked. shaw does play into this, but mostly only with harold and only through her words, not her actions. she knows what he thinks of her. when she’s captured by samaritan, harold gives up on her very quickly in a way he would never have done for john (and probably not for root either at that point). shaw’s reaction to sim!harold in 6741 of ‘did you even look for me’ says a lot about what she thinks he thinks of her. his whole ‘binary moral compass’ line to her is also, uh, heavily projecting. shaw and carter had the strongest moral compasses of the group. by a long shot. 

moving on to the machine. so first and foremost, if you’re creating a sentient being, whether that’s having a kid or making a self-aware AI, you don’t create something with the intention of locking it up and ignoring it forever. (and he was creating her for the bush/cheney administration???? who TM pointed out was terrible if he somehow had managed to miss that. root called them something like the worst people imaginable and she wasn’t exaggerating). was it too dangerous to let TM be free from the get go? maybe! but then don’t fucking make an AI you think can destroy the world, buddy. there are a lot of reasons he made TM and none of them make this acceptable to me. once TM had clearly proven to be not a threat and trying to help he continued to ignore her and act like she was dangerous.

harold always needed very badly to feel like he had the moral high ground and not be the person who made a bad decision, which yes, is probably partly due to the trauma from what happened to nathan but that doesn’t make it okay when being paralyzed by being unable to make a decision got people killed. more than once! also, most of his morals got tossed out when they weren’t convenient. wouldn’t kill the senator to save the world because killing is bad! next episode he’s like if anything happens to grace kill all of them. cool story, still murder.

i wanna conclude this rant by talking about harold as a character vs harold as a person. meaning, harold as a fictional character who is used as a narrative device in a story as opposed to harold himself without the context of him being fictional. i don’t mind characters who say and do things i dislike. it’s very important to have characters you dislike as people imo. feels like an understatement. but lambet, for example, is a slimy asshole. the story is aware of this. he gets an ending a slimy asshole deserves. harold has a lot of flaws, and causes a lot of damage, gets his friends killed, and his stubborn refusal to budge on his arbitrary moral high ground lets samaritan take over and almost makes team machine lose. he gets a happy ending. with the woman he lied to (and caused a lot of pain and grief by lying to). root ends up dead, shaw gets tortured and fights her way back for root only to have her die which is kind of handwaved as ‘well she has tm with root’s voice good enough’, and john, after having rediscovered his will to live and have a life in the end of s4 goes right back to his whole dying for someone else thing. only harold gets the happy ending.

the show was actually pretty good at highlighting harold’s flaws and making them interesting, and then it kind of forgot that at the end in terms of story outcome. like, if harold had suffered enough to get a happy ending, then why didn’t anyone else get one? so my annoyance was with the narrative’s failure to satisfactorily conclude the characters’ arcs. (and for the record, i’m not one of the people who think he should have died. i don’t think it would have served a point. also death doesn’t equal redemption to me).

so, yeah, not a fan of him. don’t write him in my fics since my dislike would take time and focus away from writing about the people i do like. would probably be less bitter if they’d ended the show better. i was 300k words fic level of bitter. there was some post i saw going around recently about how if your found family show doesn’t end up with your found family together then you’ve kind of missed the whole point of found family and yeah, that.

[wxlfbites]

The Church of Satan

I can only imagine the amount of criticism and hate I'm going to get for this, so I just want to preface this post by saying that in 2015 I considered myself a LaVeyan Satanist for a while. I was a teenager and felt like what I was reading was exactly how I felt, it gave me a sense of justification for the views I had. I am not just some random, misinformed individual who only read anti-satanism propaganda. In fact, I've still actually never read anti-satanism propaganda. My opinions have been formed based exclusively on what I've read on the Church of Satan's own website. These are of course, my own opinions and people are allowed to disagree... I just think it might be something to think about if you're considering becoming a satanist.

THIS WILL BE AN EXTREMELY LONG POST

Firstly, I'm addressing the membership the Church of Satan is now implementing. ~ While the Church of Satan says that you do not need to become a member in order to consider yourself a satanist, it is clear that they encourage you to do so. It has registration and payment based memberships that allow you access to confidential information, rituals, and online chat groups you are otherwise not entitled to. Their website claims these memberships have always been in place, but I do not remember any such kind in 2015. ~ It is their policy that affiliated members are discouraged from exchanging member-exclusive information with non-members. They also express that if you are a non-member of the church, you should not expect members to keep up extended exchanges or promotion of your wares. Further, your membership is subject to rejection and retraction at their discretion and they openly state that when you apply for a membership, they gather information on you to ensure you are someone safe and trustworthy to allow in. ~ Whether or not it is intentional, they use guilt tactics in order to persuade people into becoming members. To quote some of these phrases on their own website: "Those who proudly carry our red cards identifying themselves as members have the strength and dedication to implement the tools traditionally associated with Satan". "Look to your other possessions and expenses (most people spend far more than this on general entertainment) and we’re certain you can do this if it means something to you to become a member." "We’ve discovered that most individuals can muster these funds if membership is something they truly desire." ~ They describe your membership card as a key that you must show and scan to other members to prove your affiliation. They make a few references to the underground secrecy that members may or may not choose to maintain, and so to protect their identities as members, these... calling cards if you will.. are used to discretely confirm ones membership in the Church. ~ They do not tell you where the money for your registration fee goes. In fact, they say: "That is up to the administration. It will be applied to whatever is most required at the time it is received. If you feel the need to know in more detail, then don’t join." Implying you don't have the right to know exactly where your money goes? ~ Their membership application includes inappropriate questions that no organization, religious or otherwise, should ever ask. These include: " Are you satisfied with your sex life? Describe your ideal of a physically attractive sex partner." "How many years would you like to live?" "In what organizations do you hold membership?" "Are you a smoker? If so, to what extent." "Do you drink alcoholic beverages? If so, to what extent? State preferences." " Secondly, how does satanism compare themselves to other religions and philosophies? ~ The Church of Satan declares themselves to be "a formidable threat to those who would halt progress in the name of spirituality and theism of any sort." "We are a group of dynamic individuals who stand forth as the ultimate underground alternative, the “Alien Elite.” ~ They state things like "Our members and officials will not serve as teachers nor as entertainers—we have neither the time nor the inclination.", "It is our policy not to spoon-feed information to students who are too lazy to do research." and "Your schedule is of no importance to us." so it's no surprise that the satanic texts they do not provide in full on their website, including the Satanic Bible, - which is there main text and one they highly encourage you to read - cost money. ~ They believe themselves to be the only form of satanism, stating: "People who believe in some Devilish supernatural being and worship him are Devil-worshippers, not Satanists.", "Anton LaVey was the first to define Satanism as a philosophy, and it is an atheist perspective." and “Theistic Satanism” is an oxymoronic term and thus absurd." ~ Statements like: "we stand in opposition to theist religions and their

inherent hypocrisy.", [regarding the word Shemhamforash] - "So, Satanists use it for traditional blasphemy’s sake.", [regarding someones question about their experiences with demons] - "Satanists do not believe in demons or other supernatural beings, nor do we believe in spells. Seek help from local mental health professionals to assist you to get over these delusions.", "We Satanists are all anthropologists to some degree and can find that not upsetting people who think in such simplistic and erroneous terms of “belief equals goodness and truthfulness” might be worthwhile to smooth the proceedings in which one is involved. Trying to teach them that they are mistaken in such a belief may not be worth one’s efforts." are pretty much self explanatory as to the lack of consideration satanism has for other religions as being true for others.

~ This statement: "Knowing this, if you choose to affiliate with any pseudo-Satanic or anti-Satanic groups, you may well find yourself disaffiliated from the Church of Satan. Forewarned is forearmed." might sound harmless at first glance, but this kind of reminds me of an isolation tactic where cults discourage their followers to read or engage with opposing or differing opinions because it might open their eyes to the truth of things?

Finally, here are some statements that I personally don't find are morally or ethically okay?

~ In terms of kids worrying about their parents approval the Church says: "Satanism teaches that, so long as you live with your parents, you are in “their lair” and must show them respect". Which... is literally the same shit abuse victims hear all the time..... (example "you live in their house, they're your parents and you should love and respect them no matter what")...

~ "There can be no more myth of “equality” for all—it only translates to “mediocrity” and supports the weak at the expense of the strong." is a statement I just .... wish I were making up at this point.

~"The emotional drive to “change the world” is a common stage of early adult development typically beginning around age 16 and lasting until around age 24. Usually, individuals who become aware as to how the world actually functions—rather than being lost in a fantasy wherein they will be some sort of savior figure—come to realize that idealism (such as changing the world) is less important than the principle of getting what you want for yourself.",

Also! Um.. they are fully aware and okay with people who uphold discriminatory political views....

To quote their website regarding politics: "Our members span an amazing political spectrum, which includes but is not limited to: Libertarians, Liberals, Conservatives, Republicans, Democrats, Reform Party members, Independents, Capitalists, Socialists, Communists, Stalinists, Leninists, Trotskyites, Maoists, Zionists, Monarchists, Fascists, Anarchists, and just about anything else you could possibly imagine."

And to justify this, they say: "Members who demand conformity from other members to their particular political fetish are welcomed to depart.”, "For a Satanist to expect, much less demand, consensus on any given issue, beyond basic advocacy of individual liberty within local laws, is an enterprise which is probably as masochistic as it is insane.", "Some naïve idealists seem to think that the Church of Satan as an organization risks irrelevancy if it does not become an advocate of certain political positions—usually their own pet issues which are assumed “must” be shared by other Satanists. This fear is based upon the assumption that the Church of Satan needs to change the world or risk “fading into obscurity.”

Again, all of this information comes directly from the Church of Satan website itself. It it not "propaganda". It comes from their own mouths. You're free to disagree with my interpretation and views of the above. But if you do agree, I'd love to know.

The things above make me uneasy. They give me huge cult vibes and are actually disappointing to read as someone who once considered themselves a satanist. As an omnistic pagan now, I do believe that all religions hold truths within them and can say that there are certain things within satanism I do agree with. But overall, I feel like calling satanism a religion is a stretch and should be joined with caution if it's something you are really interested in. I am only one person, I can't tell anyone what to do. But if you were considering becoming a satanist but hold values and views that the things in this post opposed or were opposite to, then maybe satanism isn't right for you. It's definitely not right for me.

I hope this post was educational at the very least. I hope that it might help people make a decision either way if they were interested in joining the Church.

[godkilller]

@shirenui144

A more sombre question, but had me wondering... Has Gin ever cried / what would it take to make him cry? I imagine it would be verse dependent, but could a man this guarded ever visibly show such emotional hurt?

          out of character.  Why must you hurt me.

          But it’s an excellent question, and as you say too -- Gin has become such a guarded, numbed, and twisted man. He has, for lack of better wording, killed off that part of himself long ago. He is also one of the topmost guarded characters in Bleach, even Ichigo’s little trick of ‘reading his opponent’s heart’ during battle did not work on Gin. Gin was empty. Gin wasn’t even ‘looking at Ichigo’ with his heart when fighting. They did not reach each other. Gin is so utterly closed off from others and himself that there’s an eerie absence of self present in him, a swallowing abyss, intimidating and oppressive. Gin has also spent his entire existence isolated, he joined Aizen extremely young and thus his centuries-long otherness began. He cannot show emotions akin to Toshiro, who is often used in ways alongside Gin to show what happens if one shows emotions and weakness to Aizen Sousuke via childhood friends. Renji and Rukia, too, are used in ways that contrast Gin and Rangiku subtly in the background. Gin’s interactions with Rukia about Renji, and his interactions with Toshiro about Momo are to make Gin more of an other. He is removed, unlike them.

          So Gin does not despair openly like they do. He doesn’t shout or cry for the audience to see. He’s a villainous cold-hearted bastard.

          This is on top of the potent sense of cultural toxic masculinity and military way of avoiding / “dealing with” emotionally charged moments, not speaking of trauma, and the whole nine yards of suppression which channels into self-worth issues and a tendency for violence. Most characters in Bleach, and especially male characters, aren’t allowed to really stop and think about what they’re feeling, doing -- Ichigo being able to do a decent amount of that, yes, with his protagonist badge, but even then ?  It’s pathetically insufficient, barely a taste of what Ichigo actually should be experiencing, and no other characters are allowed to mourn losses or suffer long-lasting consequences for their actions, for injuries, for mistakes, for harmful words or acts. It’s an action / fighting series, the audience is here for big flashy swordfights and cool abilities, not emotions. Certainly not darker topics of PTSD and the like.

          You can slice it any which way, but Gin grew up as a child soldier. It can be contrasted by the fact that the majority of the Gotei 13 / Shinigami characters are shown, in flashbacks, as entering the Academy whilst in adulthood, becoming Shinigami once adults, with the exception of people like Toshiro, Momo, Hiyori, who all look / are perpetually young.

          Gin is a little older than Toshiro, for context, by the way -- and he is younger than Byakuya. Because Tite doesn’t know how the ages of his own characters work, it can be argued that Gin and Hiyori are possibly within the same ballpark in terms of ages. But like. Look at her. What the fuck. ANYWAYS, the point is ?  Gin’s young, and his trauma is fairly fresh. From the Winter War -- and then 110 years into the past to the Turn Back the Pendulum arc -- Gin spends the majority of his childhood either playing caretaker for Rangiku, who is actually a little older than him, and then killing; first, the three Shinigami that attacked Rangiku, then the Third Seat of the Fifth Division, and then many more likely during his career of observing failed projects at Aizen’s side, witnessing horrific Hollowification experimentations, and many more things. The crucial period of development for things like higher level empathy  ( Gin showcases it by sharing his food with Rangiku, a stranger, and then we see the absolute absence of it from then on )  and Gin swiftly enters into the midst of Erikson’s industry vs. inferiority stage of development; what does he have to offer the world ?  What can he become ?  Will he be good enough ?  This is the stage in which Gin makes the connection as well as makes peace with becoming a monster; this is what I’m offering, this is what I’m becoming, this will be good enough.

          He flipped a switch. It’s questionable whether or not Gin has the ability to cry once he’s an established Third Seat. It’s gone, it’s been swallowed down a hole so deep and dark Gin doesn’t want to go searching for it. He doesn’t want to cry. Gin already has a negative connotation connected to crying given his quote “I’m gonna become a Shinigami, change things for ya, so that you don’t have to cry anymore, Rangiku.” Not crying = good. Not crying means better. Rangiku crying over what was done to her was what embedded into Gin that he needed to be stronger. No crying allowed. None. In his mind, obviously, Gin doesn’t actually make that connection that ‘because Rangiku did this, I’ll do this’ no, he’s not so meticulously aware yet, but there’s certainly an imprint left on him from those earlier years in the Rukongai, dreading her tears, hating them, hating those men, and so crying = murderous intent. Crying = anger.

          If Gin cried as a child, he didn’t realize he was doing so. I can see him crying in his sleep from a dream, a nightmare, a jam-packed series of emotions hitting him whilst vulnerable, whilst unable to smile and swallow it all down. I can see him waking from it and wiping at his face, feeling utter detachment like an ache in his chest, an otherness, like that wasn’t even him crying, that wasn’t him. Gin wouldn’t think more of it, he wouldn’t dare linger on the thoughts. Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.mp4 and all that jazz.

          Gin is more likely to lash out in anger than let himself cry. I have a headcanon / drabble somewhere of Gin screaming into his inner world, clutching at his hair, feeling so terribly close to crying but he can’t, it literally will not happen. He’s too bottled up and frustrated from that that when he actually has an opportunity to cry and it doesn’t naturally happen because he’s become so suppressed, it just outright angers him. Because he has latched everything up, lock and key, by the time Gin’s an adult -- if he were to cry as an adult, it’d be during a flurry of explosive emotions. He cannot just casually let loose, no, that door’s jammed shut, it’s been coiled tight in him. A pit of despair by the time the Winter War rolls by. Gin admits to feeling anxiety, dread, during that conflict -- a sign of slowly coming undone, no longer able to keep himself from hesitance, doubt, insecurity, and anticipation hovering around him like a dark cloud. Gin cannot cry, though, not now. Not when he’s so close to making all the pain worth something...

          So it’s no surprise that Gin really only starts getting the actual opening to properly cry in my canon divergent verses. But the catch !!!!  Gin has failed so thoroughly and so brutally that he feels he doesn’t deserve to weep about it. That this is merely a fraction of the karma he deserves. He experiences suicidal ideation, daydreaming of how it’d simply be easier if he hadn’t survived at all. He feels too hollow to cry, then, at the start. He feels too heavy, too much, it’s too much to cry about. He ruined himself and Rangiku for nothing. He did all of this for nothing. And now Rangiku wants answers, still waiting, watching him, and he can’t cry in front of her. IT’S STILL INGRAINED IN HIM FROM CHILDHOOD: she’s the one who cries and he’s the one who comforts. The audacity of him to cry in front of her after everything he put her through, as though he were the victim and her the one needing to comfort him. Gin may be morally gray, but at times he truly sees the world in black and white. No moderation, no give and take.

          It’d hit him later, when he’s learning to become more vulnerable. When he’s trying to open up to Rangiku about something he has to rip from himself, his heart holding onto this sorrow for so long Gin has to surgically remove the truth from himself. AS A CHILD, WITNESSING WHAT HAPPENED TO RANGIKU COUNTS AS A TRAUMATIC EVENT. Not talking about it for 110+ years does a number or two on you when you at last, FINALLY, tell her the fucking scoop. Gin repressed what happened to Rangiku because he recognized that Rangiku did not fully and properly remember, recollect, what happened to her. He knew. Gin saw.

          Compartmentalizing her trauma on top of his own, as though a keeper of it, a sin-eater, Gin would feel absolute despairing relief at finally telling her. Despairing because he’ll be inflicting upon her something he’s been holding back, holding that door shut, for the entirety of their knowing of one another, and to finally let go of the door and let that beast of trauma go charging at her undeterred ?  There’s immense guilt attached to this entire affair. Gin feels childlike guilt; why her, and not me ?  I wish it could’ve been me, we could’ve traded places and I’d be fine, I’d live, we could live happy together.  Akin to survivor’s guilt, Gin wishes those men had found him and taken a piece of his soul rather than Rangiku’s. The ‘why’ of it haunts him. Why her. Why didn’t I stop them. Why didn’t I show up sooner. I could’ve bitten at them, kicked and hit, we could have escaped together -- or at least you could have. Gin also feels guilt at a base adult level: why am I keeping this from her ? No, it’s too late to tell her, she’s happier now, there will never be a good time to tell her.

          There are so many things, feelings, thoughts, that Gin has never shared with Rangiku due to it all being tied to the unspoken secret he’s let fester inside of him.

          SO WHEN GIN FINALLY TELLS RANGIKU WHY HE JOINED AIZEN, WHY HE TRIED TO KILL AIZEN, WHY HE SAID THOSE WORDS TO HER DURING THAT BLIZZARD AND BECAME A SHINIGAMI ... GIN’S GOING TO BREAK DOWN.

          The truth is tied to vulnerability in Gin’s mind. Telling it means ripping himself apart at the seams. Everything he crafted himself out to be was made around this secret. It’s going to be bloody, it’s going to hit him like a fucking train. Gin’s going to feel it coming, rumbling on the tracks, he’ll hear it even, that approaching storm, he’ll know by the prickle at his eyes and the closing of his throat, but still nothing’s ever prepared him for the absolute choked finality of the truth, and he’s going to do his best to hold it back -- it’s instinctive, it’s in his blood by now to mask it, stop it, divert and drawl his way out of it. But this time he can’t just stop halfway and distract her, talk about something else. No, Gin’s cornered himself and it’s high time Rangiku got the truth from him, he can’t run away any more. He’ll have to grit his teeth and talk through it, swallow it back just enough to speak, to tell her what he’s done to them both and for what, for why, it’s the worst possible conversation they could ever have, but one they need. And Gin’s going to find himself incapable of holding back a sob the more he discloses, the more that slips out and escapes him the more the emotions tied to that sunken anchor come up too. He will feel simultaneously lighter and heavier for it.

          There are numerous ways Gin’s thought about wording it. He’s thought about the numbed approach, MISSION REPORT style: Aizen Sousuke harvested souls from the 64th Rukongai District, they took a piece from you. Perhaps not, no, not like that. Maybe... back when y’were a kid, there were three Shinigami assigned to the 64th District to collect souls to fuel Aizen Sousuke’s Hogyoku. They took somethin’ from you. I saw it. I saw them hoverin’ over you, I saw it in their hands. I saw’em offer it up to Aizen in the forest, collectin’ firewood. I saw him.

          WHY DIDN’T I STOP HIM, WHY DIDN’T I ATTACK THOSE THREE MEN THEN AND THERE IN BROAD DAYLIGHT WITH YOUR COLLAPSED FORM A FEW FEET AWAY, MAYBE I COULD HAVE TAKEN THEM ON AFTER ALL. I COULD HAVE CRUSHED A SKULL IN WITH STONE, I COULD’VE STOLEN HIS SWORD BEFORE THE LIFE FULLY FADED FROM HIM AND MADE IT VANISH, I COULD’VE CARVED THROUGH THE SECOND, SLICE THE TENDON AT THE THIRD’S ANKLE AS HE ATTEMPTED TO FLEE, WARN OTHERS. SLIT HIS THROAT AS HE CRAWLED AWAY. YOU’D HEAR IT, OFF TO THE SIDE. YOU’D SEE ME COME UP TO YOU WITH BLOOD SPLATTERS. YOU’D SEE ME LEAN OVER YOU WITH NOT A PERSIMMON OFFERED, NO, YOUR OWN FUCKING SOUL THEY PLUCKED FROM YOU. SHAKY HAND. BLOODIED HAND. TAKE IT, TAKE IT BACK. I FIXED IT --

          Just tell her. JUST TELL HER.

          DO YOU REMEMBER THE DAY WE MET, RANGIKU ... ?

[filmmakerdreamst]

Xena: Warrior Princess Review

During Pride Month 2020, I finally got around to watch ‘Xena’. A show that had been in my to-watch list for years, but never got around to start. And when I finally did, I was pleasantly surprised. It was not what I expected and it was everything I think my 11 year old self would have loved.

The one thing that surprised me about the show, was the lack of packaging. Even though it was a fantasy, it also played with different kinds of genres too. I’ve talked about this before in my other review - ‘Xena’ was made at a time when TV had very few rules/rarely had a set audience, since there were parts of the show that were clearly for kids and there were other parts that were clearly for adults (therefore had much more flexibility). I admired how they weren’t afraid to break barriers and touch on deep themes such as religion, morality, redemption, spirituality, motherhood, forgiveness etc - even more than shows of today are able. I also loved how they played into the idea of ‘murder’ and how much it can damage a person - not just the person who commits the act, but the many people affected afterwards. I wasn’t expecting it to be that extreme. It made me think that this must of been the inspiration for ‘Game of Thrones’. 

I see a lot of comments here and there, saying how ‘cheesy and terrible’ it was but to just accept it because its part of the fun. And while like any show it does suffer from the occasional spell of bad writing (the whole of season 5) but it was also shown to be very aware of that fact and never took itself too seriously - unlike some shows I could mention. 

And regarding the ‘cheese’ factor (what 90s show wasn’t) It definitely can be, but I would call it ‘camp’ and ‘experimental’ more than anything else. (Don’t diss the poor use of CGI - I’m personally sympathetic to what was avaliable to them at the time) The style of humour reminded me of Taika Waititi’s filmmaking. If you’ve watched any of his films such as ‘Hunt for The Wilderpeople’ or ‘Jojo Rabbit’, then you know what I’m talking about. I liked how little they cared about being accurate or logical, which added to the ‘bonkers’ element in the show - which you can see in all of Taika Waititi’s films.

In all seriousness, a show centered around two women in their late twenties, who are realistic sizes (not trying to play teenagers). One of whom is a reformed mass murderer, who has lived a life experience, trying to do good in the world for the first time, picking the other one up who has no life experience prior (after they bugged them until they said ‘ok fine’) in their path to redemption. Just two women who become friends travelling the world together, fighting crime, having a laff, learning from one another without any toxicity - when suddenly when the stakes are raised - they realise ‘oh I'm actually falling in love with this person’ I have watched a lot of badly written shows in my childhood enough to know that, that’s not ‘cheesy’. I’ve never seen a story like that in my entire life. I’m not at all surprised that Russel T Davis was inspired by it while writing the Doctor and Rose’s relationship in ‘Doctor Who’ since he’s gay himself.

What’s more amazing about their love story is how they’re both develop as separate people as well. There was this video essay explaining ‘Why you should watch Angel’ the spin off series to Buffy; how ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer ‘was all about growing up and ‘Angel’ was all about being an adult. With Xena: Warrior Princess, you have both of those stories at the same time. 

Xena’s character was such a multifaceted experience to watch. And I can’t imagine anyone else who could play her as well as Lucy Lawless. What planet did they get that actress from? She's flawless! The amount of skill she has to put herself into a very physical role is astonishing. I personally had a love/hate relationship with her character all series long. Not in the way that I hated her, just that I couldn’t trust if she was all good or bad, which I know was intentional on the writers part. I haven’t seen a character quite like her before. She felt very much like a fallen angel; almost like the villain of her own story. Some of my favourite episodes come from fleshing out her character and dark past (‘Locked up and Tied Down’ is one of them) which reminds the audience that's she's not the stereotypical hero everyone expects. I loved her transformation from being this incredibly stoic warrior to being content and happy with who she is in season six, all because of a woman she fell in love with along the way. 

I’ve always thought of Gabrielle as the real hero and narrator of ‘Xena’. She’s the prime example of ‘a normal person becoming extrodinary’. Gabrielle’s coming of age story starting out as an innocent girl from a poor village dreaming of adventure, and ending as this vicious warrior who realises the ‘adventure’ wasn’t how she made it out to be is honestly the best character arc that I’ve ever seen. I loved how travelling with Xena made her realise her passion for writing (which was never going to happen in her home town, given the ‘sexist’ and ‘heteronormative’ ideas) and that she became a amazon princess like Xena. In regards to her sexuality, which is more up for debate than Xena’s (which I think we can all agree is bisexual) I personally interpret her as gay, just in terms of how she was written. Theres this moment in season 4 where she's being held up her hair, and Xena “symbolically” cuts it off ‘freeing her’. And she never really gets with a man afterwards, unless she’s being ‘possessed. It reminded me of a moment in one of Hayao Miyasaki’s films ‘Laputa, Castle in the Sky’ where the bad guy Moska shoots Sheeta’s ‘princess hair off’ which symbolises her transition from child to adult.

The cinematography was breathtaking. There was some great utilisation of New Zealand as the scenery. So was the soundtrack. You could tell it was made by experienced filmmakers. One of my favourite things about the show was the domestic elements - moments in the show where time seemed to stop - which made the world around the characters seem very real and magical. Even though it was a show that featured a lot of action/adventure, there was also this gentleness to it as well. For example, you could feel the wetness of the rain, the warmth of the sun and the clashing of the waves. This technique is used in Hayao Miayasaki’s work a lot .

The technique is referred to as ‘MA’ 空虚 meaning emptiness in Japanese. ‘Miyasaki describes this as the time between a clap’

“If you just have non stop action, with no breathing space at all, its just busyness. But if you take a moment, then the tension building in the film can grow into a wider dimension” - Hayao Miyasaki

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The episode ‘A Day in the Life’ in season two is a really good example of this technique being used.

To my understanding, they used a lot of the local actors in New Zealand, which according to Lucy Lawless, consisted of ‘African immigrants and other different ethnicites’. It was so refreshing to see such a diverse show (despite some slip ups) especially in the 90s. I appreciated the idea that if the actors or extras couldn’t do an ‘american accent’ people could just talk in their natural speech which was also very refreshing. 

The LGBT representation was surprisingly amazing. I never expected so many queer characters in one show - especially under the censors. There was this one episode where they had a trans woman - played by an actual trans actress - win a beauty contest. It made me cry. Not to mention the actress was an aids activist. It was actually Lucy Lawless’ idea to kiss her which was incredibly controversial at that time considering how everyone thought you could catch aids just by kissing. I can definitey see how it validated people back in the 90s.

When people told me that Xena: Warrior Princess was one of the greatest love stories, I thought they were exaggerating a little. But no, watching the show in context, I found out that it really is. Despite its obvious restrictions, It made me realise (regarding token gay couples today) how often television writers rely on physicality and drama to convey a ‘love story’ and how much of it is actually pandering the audience. One of the reasons why Xena and Gabrielle’s relationship felt so genuine is because it was built on mutual respect/compassion and they were also best friends. I felt like I was witnessing something very real and private. It didn’t need kissing scenes or drama to make it interesting. 

It really helped that most of the writers were queer also. There’s this opening scene in season 4, panning over to Gabrielle giving Xena a massage (metaphor for sex - because they weren’t able to show that on screen) which I consider to be one of the most iconic scenes in media - considering how I wanted to sick up my supper when I watched the 10 minute ‘empty’ explicit sex scene in ‘Blue in the Warmest Colour’. The difference when something is written by a queer women vs a straight man.

Because the creators weren’t allowed to write their love story in the normal way, due to the studio forbidding them to, they found creative ways to showcase that love on screen - which made for a very magical/sensual experience. And I can safely say, if anyone has doubts about watching ‘Xena’, whenever I expected to be queer baited at a few points in the show, I was proved wrong time and time again. It’s the most romantical show I’ve ever seen in my life!

[ornamental-coral]

Do you have houses combos you love besides Snake Bird ?

Hi sorry it’s take me so long to get to you ‘nonnie human you. I promise if anyone sends me questions, I will get to them eventually! It just takes a while for me thinking about them, researching about them (doing Birdy Bird things with even a one-sentence question...), forgetting I have a sort-hat-chats centered tumblr account (which is... can sort of a Bird thing but also a me thing), and then coming back so we are here (there. somewhere)

I myself am a Snake-Bird. I think I’m pretty neat. Birds are usually very good at entertaining themselves. I think. And I’m lucky I like myself enough because I spend a lot of time with me haha.

I’m a little in love with a remarkable amount of Lion primaries, Snake secondaries and Bird primaries (especially with a Snake secondary to make them extra hard to hold onto *rolls eyes) and apparently I love writing Badger Primaries? I guess I find the challenge of building an “ideal” society that is willing to address the current failings of our timeline a worthwhile challenge and my ink-children rise from the ether to meet me.

I’ve expanded below bar because this is actually a really interesting concept to me - how does a particular house combination react to the others. Below is just my meandering through how specifically My Snake Primary Bird secondary might react on a surface level to the other house types. This doesn’t mean I’m right. There are as many ways of acting within the house system as there are human beings and keep in mind, this is all in good fun.

____________________

Lions

The Idealism of the Lion Primary is something that I find admirable. I posted a more extended musing on the position of Snake Birds within media here. I think the Snake in me understands that when you pick up a person the way Snakes do, you pick up a lot of their wants and regrets too. Snakes pick up People, so that means the whole package. A Lion with a worthy cause can be a very attractive thing to a Snake, who will follow and support them in a very specific kind of way. 

With Double Lions, and Lion Snakes there’s that urge to run after them with a fire-extinguisher in one hand and a big stick in the other - one to put out the fires a Double Lion inevitably lights and the Lion Snake may try purposefully to stoke, and the other to beat off anyone who dares to tell your Lion that they cannot Be A Lion. That’s something only the Snake can do, and that’s only because no matter what the Snake says, the Lion is still Their Person warts and all and the Snake Bird knows damn well what they were getting into, or at least thought they did.

Lion Birds house-match secondaries with Snake Birds but can have explosively different moral codes, largely because they method match. I personally find some Lion Bird characters a little grating because as the audience, I feel I’m getting the same information as the Lion, but as a Snake I have a little too much self-preservation to imagine myself doing anything much about it - at least not the way a majority of Lion Bird characters act - or I come to different conclusion. I also hate conspiracy theories because they require leaps of logic the my Bird model typically just can’t tolerate but the felt-house Lion will participate in. However, Lion Birds can also be the hard-boiled PIs, the Best-at-their-Job secret agents (hi Agent Coulson), the one who has Seen the World and Still Believes It Can Be Saved. So that’s admirable and fun.

Lion Badgers are sweet but my Snake Bird goes “fires, fires everywhere”. And like, not the kind your Lion Snake might think is funny when the Snake Bird tries to put them out. Think Steve Rodgers. MCU Steve has a really strong Snake Performance though when it comes to Bucky which MY Snake finds really confusing because it is So Strong I’d be willing to be money he would have at least tried to find a better way to get rid of the Tesseract if Bucky hadn’t fallen from that train and been declared KIA. I think that particular type of Snake performance also confuses Tony, which is part of why Civil War was the way it was.

But yeah, a fire that a Lion Badger wants to light? it’s not going to go out. For a Snake, having that as Your Person means you either really ride or die for them - and might actually literally have to die, or you are keeping them from burning themselves out before they accomplish whatever they’re doing. For a Snake Bird? this is alarming as hell and it’s a fight between the Secondaries to make sure the Lion takes care of themselves as part of the Lion’s “hard work” Badger, if they’re your person.

Birds

Bird primaries will “build” the people they love into the way they see the world. As a Snake, I think this is just really appealing to me? Snakes are loyal, and older Snakes have the life experience to realize that - painful as it is - this loyalty will not always be reciprocated in the way you hope for (this is the stereotypical bone of contention between Lions, Badgers and Snakes. Lions are focused on their cause and if the Snake’s protective instincts get in the way of that, that causes problems It also hurts when a Lion’s mission supersedes their affection for their Snake people. Badgers’ concerns are for their communities and the split of attention can drive the individually focused Snake crazy). If you get built into the Bird’s world, that always felt like something special and something that took hard work, which made it all the more valuable.

My Snake Birds also likes to imagine it’s equipped to learn to the things that a Bird variety believes in and address those things. It’s the kind of relationship that has the potential to go very wrong, and I do realize that. I think Snake Birds have the tendency to want to be everything for Their Person (or people) and our powers of observation mean that we take it a little personally when we’ve missed something. I’m tempted to call Kaz Brekker of Six of Crows a Snake Bird and it drives him to distraction that he can’t be everything, everywhere, all at once to the handful of a people he truly and deeply cares about.

The Bird Snake in particular house matches in a way that can be particularly challenging and attractive to a Snake Bird? A Snake Bird’s tool is, well, the Bird, and the whole persona can feel ridiculously pleased by being able to “pin down” the Bird Snake, which does not necessarily lend itself to being pinned. There’s also this strong urge to understand the Bird Snake. 

So there’s the Snake secondary who delights in finding new ways to be, and a Bird Secondary delights in learning new things. The discovery element in that relationship can, as long as the Bird Secondary is not stifled by the Snake Primary’s concern, actually be really rewarding. Birds, and Bird Snakes in particular are also often really unique. They think differently, act differently, can be off putting to certain types of house combinations because their moral code can come off is so blue-orange, and is Built on top of that. Snakes take great pride in being very “this is my Person and their brand of weirdness is just another thing I love about them. And on top of that, I Know them.” with their people in any situation, and if a Snake can eventually prove to their Bird Primary that that feeling is unwavering, that’s a relationship that becomes central to both Snake and Bird.

That isn’t to say Birds can’t go dark, but usually they learn to be that way given Birds are evidence-gatherers. Unfortunately, this means I love them too because people of my generation and all generations before and hence have a thing for characters with trauma (see Loki, greasy prince extraordinaire).  It’s -- it’s never not been a thing. Take a look at freaking Gilgamesh, which is the oldest things that we know of, look at Enkidu, and tell me he wasn’t your favorite. Gilgamesh is kind an arschloch of highest proportions. As a more palatable example of this Bird-villain thing, I sort of suspect Bucky Barnes is a Bird of some flavor. If he killed one person as the Winter Soldier, he’d feel bad but probably admit it was the brain washing - but he did it dozens of times. He wonders what does this say about him? He is possibly a Badger, but even pre-winter-soldier he doesn’t seem to care on as wide a scale as a Badger typically does. Steve is Built into the fabric of his world, and he doesn’t react to Steve’s death the way I expect a Snake to either. Maybe a really Old Seasoned Snake and I mean technically he’s old? but the cryogenics thing sort of means he’s not old enough to just let it go. He also doesn’t follow the boy from Brooklyn for reasons I would expect from a fellow Snake but I guess the new show might give more insight on that once I actually watch it.

Badgers

Okay, I like writing Badgers. [Leans back on chaise lounge] this probably has something to do with my mother.

Really though. I model Badger because my mother, although I love her and I’m really lucky to have her, is a teeny tiny bit horrified by Snake tendencies and drilled into me the morality that it is okay and it is above all Good to care about other people (for other Snakes, read Yes Even Strangers). To be fair, the prioritizing that Snakes do (which can get as focused as ”My people first, even if someone else far away is in trouble and I am acutely aware of it”) can seem pretty horrific to a Badger. They don’t necessarily get how you could believe everyone is a person and just... not care. And it’s hard to convince a Badger (for whom not acting can = they are not worth it) that you know exactly what you’re doing but are also aware that if you try to help everyone your head will explode because you can’t keep that many People up there. It’s why Snakes have their rings of caring.

But the result is that for me, Badgers are usually the ones left standing at the end of the story. If they’re done dirty, I like to try and fix it.

I don’t like how media treats Badger primaries generally though? There’s often something “goofy” or the Badger is treated as soft in a really unpalatable way. I mean, and to be fair this directly comes from the way a Snake can sort of be flummoxed with the way Badgers just do things for strangers, yes Badgers irl may be considered gentle. On an individual level, they are often the hearts and hearths of groups and homes.  But there’s this weird place where The State is supposed to be a Badger-shaped institution, so that uneasy balance comes out in weird ways.

I don’t remember who said it, but the difference with Badgers and Snakes is that, with a Snake, you start out at Zero. You’re human, but you’re not the Snake’s human, so I will treat you like a human, but there are My People above you. And with a Badger, you sort of start out at like 85-100%? At least this is my perception. Badgers need-base and that off-balances Snakes.

A Snake with a Badger in my opinion needs to be “eyes open” in a different way than even a Snake with a Bird does, because the Snake needs to understand that the Badger is going to look and act similar - until they don’t, and then the Snake needs to be able to put aside the part of them that was attracted to the mirrored morality and actually work with the Badger to figure out what the Snake needs and how the Snake can in turn support the Badger.

Anyways though, I’m writing a thing where a Badger Bird-modeling-Badger is the last woman standing, committed to fixing a broken type of organization that her Snake, Bird, and Lion companions are Tired of. Lady Badger is nothing if not resilient. I’m writing another thing where a really really Burnt Badger man gets a safe place to learn to be part of a community that is meant to be mutually protective again (he dies because this is a fan work and that’s what happened in cannon, and this is arguably because he’s still unburning at that stage and doesn’t Have a proper community, but I hope to show him having at least Some happy times because in the sh**show show he didn’t have any at all). I’ve got a slightly less developed thing where a number of Badger performing princes learn to work together to fix their kingdom and unbury the history that created it. 

Aaand It’s nearing midnight, I have clearly lost the thread of the thread or whatever

Goodniiight to all my houses. Love you all even if I didn’t write about you here.

-Ornamental

[deliahscrush2003]

Lesser Deities OC Meme

Hey everyone! So, I saw this tag game on my dash and took the liberty to have a go but with a bit of a twist because I have a lot of OCs.

So, I will do one now, and if anyone wants to know about any of my other OCs with this meme, send me a 🪐 + an OC, and I will do another one for that character!

No pressure tagging: @chickensarentcheap | @starknstarwars | @emcon-ocs | @thecaptainsgingersnap | @cotton-candy-haze | @marshmallowace | @loverhymeswith | @kendelias | @bluebell-winter | @eddysocs | @always-imagine-a-dream | @come-along-pond | @apollothe-sungod |

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Rules: [ bold what applies - italicize sometimes - strike out never.] + repost don’t reblog!

Jedi Padawan Serina Seda

EROS • scornful jealousy • pink • presents a certain decorum • heavy air in a nightclub • has a tattoo they regret • sex & love therapist for their friends • juvenescent • uses enchantments • aloof • wears rose-coloured glasses • velvet, latex, & lingerie • milk baths with champagne bubbles • impetuous in love • intense eye contact is a sport • kinky • soft lips • wears stacked rings • sets fashion trends • graceful movements • marble floors • heavy perfume or cologne • deeply emotional • born glamorous •

HECATE • prefers canine companions • wears symbolic jewelry • can see spirits • melting wax • uses hexes • feels most comfortable at night • smell of cinnamon • moonlight • red wine • understands poisons & herbs • collects bones or feathers(just feathers for his hatband) • partakes in rituals • black • fog at night • is aware of their shadow self • embraces the unknown • enjoys collecting secrets • approves of necromancy • meditates • has prophetic dreams • lace • knowing too many secrets • fishnet stockings  •

PAN • enjoys poetry & prose • wool • smell of decaying leaves in autumn • prefers to be barefoot  • tends to overindulge  • easily excitable • thriving in social circles • loves being around campfire  • antlers • dirt paths • the sound of wind chimes • penchant for sticky fingers • pine trees • stamina for days • falls in lust • vagabond • physically stronger than given credit for • foxglove • welcomes luxury • non-confrontational • charming words • talking to animals • nature for jewelry •

NEMESIS • angry • protective of their values • balance & harmony • looks like an angel but isn’t • more perceptive than people realize • snow capped mountains • grey • wears leather • silver jewelry • likes snakes • can’t stand ignorance • believes in retribution • analytical of own emotions • well read • marble columns • has very rigid morals • bruised knuckles • humorous under the sarcasm • clean workspace • everything in moderation • cold morning air • resting glare face • fluent in curse words  •

HYPNOS • very calm demeanor • easily overwhelmed • relaxing is their vice • transactional friendships • has a soft voice • head in the clouds • carries drugs with them • has a sibling they’re close with • drawn to winged animals • lavender • has plush furniture/blankets  • starry eyed • horrible money management  • gives amazing hugs • dreaming big as a full time job • wears comfy or loose clothes • existential questions • not good at memory based skills • fairy lights • can’t sleep somewhere unfamiliar • crystalline chandeliers • dislikes bright sun • fluttering eyelashes  •

IRIS • life’s a technicolor spectrum • has a lot to say • beaming smiles • always has candy with them • flirting by accident • walking to the beat of their own drum • gossamer curtains • has a surprising amount of connections • blushes very easily • confident laughter • uses a staff • fresh fruit slices • decorated handwritten letters • a social chameleon • blood made of honey • treating people with kindness • sentimental heart  • vases full of wildflowers • feels fulfilled when helping others • has a healing aura • always traveling • stained glass windows • just trying to be a good person  •

Serina Seda: Iris 🌈

[twilitty]

Moonlit ch.3

This is the third chapter in my new fic Moonlit, it will be posted on Tumblr, ao3, and ffnet. New chapters uploaded every two weeks. Message/comment to be added to my tag list.

3.4k words

previous chapter

This chapter was not read over by a beta reader, so if you notice any mistakes please let me know in a private message. If you are interested in reading my chapters early and having a hand in the editing process, please let me know via direct message :)

Charlie arrives home from the new doctors household in odd condition. Bella becomes acquainted with a new friend and gets her first driving lesson.

Chapter Three

There’s something oddly comforting about the loud, thunderous engine of my new truck. It successfully blocks out all the thoughts I hope to escape from, and it does so in a way that does not involve the incessant pattering of rain. In fact, it completely eliminates the sound of rain, a miracle I hadn’t thought possible. I can’t imagine I’ll ever manage to repay Jacob for this gift, it means so much more to me than a couple thousand dollars and a way to get around. It’s my escape. 

Charlie had gotten back from the new doctor's household late last night, his eyes bleary with sleep and arms hanging limp by his sides in what can only be described as a dead mans walk. I was used to the posture he held, all slumped over and distracted, as if he had gone on a three day long bender and returned empty of adrenaline and a will to stay awake. Renee had come home from too many “spa-retreats'' with that same form. Dead mans walk, that’s what her friend had called it when I brought it up. “Dead on the outside but more alive than you’ve ever felt on the inside,” she had explained with a distant smile, “awful to watch but beautiful to live out.” 

It was strange to see my father, the stoic police chief, in that position. Perhaps he enjoyed his time at the new doctors house more than he thought he would, perhaps he enjoyed it enough to come in looking prematurely hungover and drained of energy. I wonder if he was drinking, or dancing, or maybe the new family- I blink my eyes hard, squeezing out all the muted light coming from the kitchen window. Stars dance in front of my vision once I open them again. Don’t think of what Charlie was doing there, I tell myself viciously. Please, I add on as an afterthought, as though my subconscious was privy to social niceties. 

The clock on the microwave reads noon hour and my heart stutters. Charlie is still upstairs, dead asleep. He’s the one that wakes me up in the morning, always dressed and with a cup of coffee. But, no, he’s probably just tired from his long shift yesterday and maybe a little hungover. Only a little. In fact, maybe less than a little, maybe he isn’t hungover at all.

Soon, by which I mean no less than two hours after my initial worry over my fathers condition, he emerges from his bedroom and I can hear his footsteps lead into the bathroom. Good, I think, he’s awake before three in the afternoon. That must count for something. Perhaps- My thoughts, aimlessly trying to convince my subconscious that there is no reason for me to worry about the state of my middle-aged father, are interrupted. 

“Bella?” Charlie calls quietly from the top of the stairs. He sounds like he just woke up from a long night out. Hangover voice is something I am very familiar with, although not from first hand experience. Any solace I had reached seconds ago comes crashing down into a pile at my feet.  

I clear my throat, “Down here!” He comes down, feet stepping lightly on each step so as to barely make a noise. He enters the kitchen with a weary look on his face, as if I’m the one acting out of character. “Yeah?”

“What are you doing up so early?” He asks incredulously. I look at the time in the bottom corner of my computer, nearly two in the afternoon. I look back up at him with my eyebrows pinched. 

“Char- Dad, it’s after noon.” My fathers eyes go wide, the whites showing prominently before squeezing down into a harsh blink. He turns to the microwave and his eyes blink violently again. “Dad?”

He doesn’t say anything, but his hands come together at the top of his head, interlacing over the brown hair he passed onto me. “I- I’m getting to work. I’ll see you for dinner.” He mumbles his words, the syllables pouring out into the air without any order. He retreats back upstairs with little more than a squeak on the floorboards, his eyebrows thick over his eyes with worry. The shower turns on quickly and I look back to my computer screen. I have to do some school work, Charlie is a grown man who can take care of himself. 

I brew him a fresh pot of coffee, putting the creamer out on the counter even though I know he takes it black. 

One of my favourite things about Forks, besides my new truck, is the ever present gloom that seems to permeate any mood you had prior to stepping outdoors. It’s like living in a depressive gothic novel written in nineteenth century England. Obsessively torturing the protagonist with dramatic metaphors and the blatant use of personification with inanimate objects like lampshades and tea kettles. I walk outside and my brain fills with run-on sentences about the state of my personal emotional evolution or the true crime of humanity being the amount of introspection that we would require to understand it. Almost compulsively, I assess my morals and the ethical value of my actions as if the rain draws out my inner philosopher. It’s dramatic and moody and unpleasant to experience. 

Yet, I find myself drawn into this trance of deep inner thought and revel in it.

This is what I am doing when I park outfront of The Diner and walk through the front doors. My mind is occupied with drawn out thoughts that sound closer to Shakespeare than a girl who is barely passing her summer courses. My footfalls seem to almost perfectly fall in tune with my thoughts. I wonder if I’m walking funny, I think suddenly with a pointed look at my awkward steps. This is an issue with spending so much time alone in such a gloomy town; you forget other people exist. I pick up the pace of my footfalls and try to let my legs work naturally, but now that I’m aware of my walking I am incapable of walking naturally and feel like an oaf. 

It is while I am walking like an oaf that someone calls out, “Isabella Swan?” My shoulders tense up to my earlobes and suddenly my feet are capable of walking without direction and almost steer me back through the front doors. Instead, I look up from my rough boots and meet the smile of the girl standing behind the counter cutting the large room in half. I try to ignore the stares of the other patrons. 

The girl standing behind the counter looks to be about twenty and has brown hair just past her shoulders, similar to mine except for the fact that hers is shiny with the indication of product and care. A wave of self consciousness rolls over my shoulders, my dull, limp hair is suddenly as bright as a neon sign in the dead of night. “Bella,” I correct her, forcing myself to step up to the counter. “Everybody calls me Bella.” 

She nods knowingly, as if she’s heard this before but just wanted it confirmed. Another wave of self consciousness crashes over me as the possibility of small town gossip arises. Does everybody already know who I am? I don’t like the thought of Charlie telling the town his eccentric ex-wife's daughter is coming to live with him, even if he said it politely. 

“Yeah, that makes sense. Isabella is kinda a mouthful and takes like three whole syllables just to say it.” She shoots a hand across the laminate countertop and exposes a line of white, straight teeth. “I’m Jessica, not Jess,” She clarifies with a sarcastic eye roll. I take her hand, warm and soft, in my own and give it a polite shake before letting go. “Nobody calls me Jess, it sounds like it’s short for Jessie and when I think Jessie I think either golden retriever or blonde surfer dude and I am so not either of those things.” 

“Jessica’s pretty,” I say with possibly a little too much enthusiasm. I haven’t spoken to someone as bubbly as this girl since Phoenix and I am poorly out of practice. 

“She is, isn’t she?” A male voice calls from my right. It’s as if Jessica had spoken it into existence, because suddenly a blond surfer dude- minus the surfer- is sitting only three stools over. 

“No, no,” my face flames and I quickly raise my hands in surrender. “I meant her name.” Then, looking at Jessica I see she’s chewing on her bottom lip and her dark eyebrows are scrunched down. I wonder if she practiced this expression in the mirror, it looks too perfect to be impromptu. “I mean, not that you aren’t pretty,” I clarify and her eyebrows shoot up as the blonde boy snorts. “I mean-” But Jessica raises a hand to stop me from torturing myself any further and drops the lip from between her teeth. “Listen, Bella, I know what you mean you don’t have to run in circles.” She says it in a way that insinuates I’m not the first person to fall into this situation with her. “You aren’t the first girl I’ve wooed with my tragically good looks.” This is not what I expected. The blonde boy snorts again but it sounds more like incredulity than a laugh. I open my mouth to interject, though I’m not sure what I will say, and Jessica widens her eyes at me. “Bella, girl, I’m joking.” 

My mouth widens into an uncomfortable smile that likely looks closer to a grimace. She shakes her head at me with an expression that reads oh Bella even though we’ve only just met. I get the impression that Jessica is an easy person to be friends with and also decide that I will be coming to The Diner more often. “Now,” She says, “What did you order?” 

I recite my order and she pushes open the swinging doors adorned with old license plates and bumper stickers to retrieve it. 

“I’m Mike.” This is from the blonde boy, and he says it with a small wave that very much so indicates that he has lived in this town his whole life. People in big cities, people in Phoenix, don’t wave like that. It’s too small and kind and friendly, there isn’t enough neutrality for him to be from a big city. He’s inviting me into a conversation with the impression that I want to be invited. Small towns and sickly rom coms are the only places where this happens. 

“Bella,” I respond, although he must already have heard me introduce myself to Jessica earlier. “It’s nice to meet you.” I tack on the last part in a likely failed attempt to come across as if I belong. It’s not that I want to be nice or friendly like Mike, it’s just that this will be far less awkward if I at least try to fit in. 

“Likewise.” We lapse into a comfortable silence, or at least he appears to be comfortable in the silence. I am not. My blood seems to have congealed in my veins and is refusing to pump itself into my heart. Am I getting enough oxygen? Yes, yes, I am getting enough oxygen. I know this, but my body does not know this and so instead of trying to formulate some clever comment I try to level out my breathing and suck in as much as possible without seeming weird. 

Three uneven breaths later and Jessica pushes out of the kitchen doors holding a large brown bag with a receipt stapled to the folded lip. She places it in front of me and I take a deep breath, suddenly grateful that my lungs are working and for the delicious smelling food. “I’ll pay with debit?” I don’t mean for it to sound like a question but it does. I can almost hear my mother scolding me, you need to be more assertive. You get stepped on if you’re too polite. I know she’s right but I ignore her anyway. 

“No need, already paid for,” she says with a wide smile. “The cook says hi.” I take it, then, that the cook is the one who paid for my dinner.

“Oh, really that wasn’t necessary.” I produce my debit card from my pocket, holding it out as if it’s perfect evidence of my ability to pay. “I have money.” 

“If you really wanna make it up to me I can take your number.” Renee would like Jessica, she’s assertive. I shake my head a little but still take out my phone and hand it to her. She punches in her number quickly, perfect nails tapping lightly on the screen before handing it back. Her own phone beeps. “Have a nice night, Bella! Text me whenever.” 

I say goodbye to Mike and he waves kindly, almost immediately afterwards turning to talk to Jessica. They wave as I leave and I can feel the eyes of The Diner on my back as I leave the building and enter my truck. 

It’s almost two days until I get a chance to talk with my mother, and within those days I accomplish more than one would expect of a girl who is so well acquainted with procrastination. Namely, I received a text message from Jessica. We conversed lightly, her with heavy use of emojis and me with improper use of punctuation and perhaps not enough enthusiasm. I know this because almost immediately after I send her my reaction to a movie she watched she calls me. 

“Bella,” she says in a tone that insinuates both exasperation and light humour. “I swear, girl, you are so hard to read.” 

“I know, my grammar-”

“No, no,” she cuts me off. “I mean I have no idea if you even wanna talk to me or not.” I’m shocked into silence, of course I want to talk to her. I enjoy talking to her. It seems I’ve been severely lacking in the friends department and it’s no recent issue. Ever since Phoenix I’ve remained forcibly independent, it’s nice to have people my age to talk to. 

“I- I can use more emojis?” It comes out a question and my mother is back in my head, assertive assertive assertive. Jessica gives a triumphant laugh and I get the impression that this was her goal all along. “Okay, okay, I get it. I’ll try to communicate better.” 

She just laughs and we hang up and continue texting, but not before she informs me that we will have to set up a schedule to meet in person. Apparently even with emojis in my armoury I am “more fun” in person. Who would have thought?

Within the two days before I call my mother I also get my first driving lesson with Jacob Black. He drives over in his fathers old truck, which he can no longer use due to the wheelchair. Jacob informs me of this with a smile that tells me he’s inherited the truck.

He bounces out of the vehicle with a giant grin on his face and his hands clasped excitedly behind his back. I could all but feel the excitement radiating off of him in waves. He had come prepared too, as I later found out, when he inserted a CD into my cars radio system. Soft rock echoed sweetly throughout the cab and Jacob drummed his fingers over his knees. “You gotta love ‘em, right?” He asked redundantly. I nodded, not knowing who I had to love or why, but just enjoying sitting next to him and listening to him talk. 

He walked me through the gear shift. It sticks when you move directly from park to reverse, so I should always pause on drive for a moment first. We practice this in the driveway a few times before taking to the residential streets. We mostly talk during the drive, him giving me all the Rez gossip and me providing him with the meek details of my online school experience and my conversations with Jessica. 

“She’s really nice,” I tell him as the trucks engine growls loudly at the stop light. “Loud, but loud in a nice way.” He nods in the passenger seat as if he completely understands, which I do not find difficult to believe. I wouldn’t be surprised if everybody in town was his friend. 

“Yeah, I know a few people like that.” I’m proven correct. “Like there are just so many things going on inside them they can’t contain it.” I nod absently but my mind shifts to the first part of Jacobs comment. I wonder how many friends he has? I can’t imagine he’s unpopular, or even shy, he’s just too exciting and fun. His smile makes me want to smile. 

“What?” He enunciates slowly with a slow head turn. I look away quickly, my eyes steadily focused on the bumper in front of us. I didn’t mean to stare at him. 

“Nothing.” 

“No, what?” I pull into the next lane, making sure to check over my shoulder twice. Maybe if I don’t pay attention to him, maybe if I just ignore- “Is there something on my face?” 

I look over, baited into meeting his eyes. A big palm runs over his mouth and he pulls it back as if to inspect it for markings. “No,” I assure him. “There’s nothing on your face.” Then, my lips widen as if with a mind of their own, and suddenly I’m grinning. “I mean other than-”

He guffaws out a laugh before I can finish my comment and looks over at me with a smile mirroring my own. “Bella Swan, were you about to make a joke?” I shoot him a half-hearted glare and realize that this is all too easy with him. Jacob is like an overactive puppy, so easy to excite and quick to make you smile. I also realize that I seem to really enjoy the company of this particular overactive puppy. 

“I make jokes plenty of times,” I retort with a quick glance in my rearview mirror. The houses have transitioned into a tree line and the previously residential road boasts a higher speed limit. “You most definitely do not. I remember being kids, you were always the sensible one.” My heart skips and my field of vision narrows to the space above the steering wheel. The road is slick with rain, I doubt I’ll ever see it dry. “You used to ask Charlie to put bandaids in your little backpack, just in case…” his words continue, detailing how mature I was for a first grader. I made decisions way past my age and was the first one to disinfect surface cuts and scrapes. I was the only one to disinfect bloody knees and palms, even though the sight made me sick. “It was like you just had to take care of everybody else.” 

He looks over to me, I can see him in my peripheral vision, but instead of looking back I force my lips into an open smile. I hope it comes across as genuine. “I had a thing for first aid.” It’s a poor response. Anybody could see through my shallow sentence and many people would call me out on it. Tell me that for a girl with such a large vocabulary it’s odd for me to suddenly have nothing to say. For a girl who claims to enjoy this boys company I seem to be going out of my way to deter him from ever calling me again. 

“Take a left up here,” Jacob says and his hand juts out to point at a beaten gravel road. It cuts into the forest at a haggard angle which makes it nearly impossible to maneuver, but I do so with more than minimal effort and release a heavy breath once we are on it. “Okay, now try to merge back onto the road.”

“What?” The odd, and clearly impossible, request pulls me out of my self-pitying thoughts. “Jake-” 

“If you can’t do it that’s fine, just switch seats and I’ll drive.” The devilish glint in his eyes provokes some deep, hidden piece of me that craves competition. 

“You just miss Betty,” I say with perhaps a little too much vindication. He doesn’t seem bothered either way and simply shrugs his large shoulders, the russet skin reflecting the light of another car's headlights as it passes on the main road. 

“Yeah, I do.”

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Daenerys Targaryen in A Storm of Swords vs Game of Thrones - Episode 4.1: Two Swords

In this series of posts, I intend to analyze precisely how the show writers downplayed or erased several key aspects of Daenerys Targaryen’s characterization, even when they had the books to help them write her as the compelling, intelligent, compassionate, frugal, open-minded and self-critical character that GRRM created.

I want to make it clear that these posts are not primarily meant to offer a better alternative to what the show writers gave us. I understand that they had many constraints (e.g. other storylines to handle, a limited amount of time to write the scripts, budget, actors who may have asked for a certain number of lines, etc) working against them. However, considering how disrespectful the show’s ending was to Daenerys Targaryen and how the book material that they left out makes it even more ludicrous to think that she will also become a villain in A Song of Ice and Fire, I believe that these reviews are more than warranted. They are meant to dissect everything about Dany’s characterization that was lost in translation, with a lot of book evidence to corroborate my statements.

Since these reviews will dissect scene by scene, I recommend taking a look at this post because I will use its sequence to order Dany’s scenes.

This post is relevant in case you want to know which chapters were adapted in which GoT episodes (however, I didn’t make the list myself, all the information comes from the GoT Wiki, so I can’t guarantee that it’s 100% reliable).

In general, I will call the Dany from the books “Dany” and the Dany from the TV series “show!Dany”.

Scene 1

While seeing show!Dany with her dragons is always enjoyable on its own, I have some problems with this moment. The first is that we'll begin season four with show!Dany worrying about her dragons' behavior here and, later, end it with her locking two of her dragons away. These scenes don't focus as much on show!Dany herself as they focus on her relationship with her dragons, which I think is quite a problem in comparison to how ASOS and ADWD (which will be the book that the writers will adapt starting from episode 4.6) begin and end:

Dany begins ASOS hopeful and happy that she's finally going to Westeros. She ends the book disillusioned because her efforts to help the former slaves didn't pay off like she expected, so she calls off her dreams of home in order to stay and fulfill (what she thinks is) her moral duty as queen. 

Dany begins ADWD distraught because she's still dealing with the nobility's backlash and retaliation against her authority even now that she has tried to be conciliatory and rule in peace. She ends the book a) disabused of the notion that peace is possible and b) directing her eyes to Westeros again.

As we can see, these two books begin and end displaying Dany's multiple dilemmas: home vs duty, other people vs herself, peace vs war, conciliation vs use of force and so on.

In the show, while her last scene in the season four finale at least highlights her compassion towards her people, I'd argue it still mainly focuses on her relationship with her dragons (which is only one of many issues that Dany deals with in the books) rather than on grappling with the questions above in a way that centers primarily on show!Dany herself, like the books do with Dany.

My second problem is that having show!Dany be concerned about her dragons' behavior that much earlier than in the books poses another problem:

In ADWD, Dany ultimately failed in protecting her human children during her tenure because she chose peace with the slavers and was, therefore, detached from her dragon children, from her Targaryen heritage and from her identity as the Mother of Dragons. By meeting Drogon again, getting in touch with who she was and choosing fire and blood (war), she will be able to protect her people again and be a better mhysa. Ultimately, mother of dragons and mhysa are complementary parts of who Dany is.

In the show, however, the dragons begin to seem troublesome before we get to Meereen, before show!Dany begins to rule and before the issue of peace vs war becomes a major dilemma for her. This happened for two reasons: a) D&D are bad writers who dismiss themes as only being necessary for eighth-grade book reports (here, I imagine they probably just wanted to add more shock value to show!Dany's plotline) and b)  D&D think that peace = good (even if it privileges a status quo that normalizes slavery) and war = bad, so killing slavers = bad, dragons = bad and continuing on with an anti-slavery revolution = bad (failure to understand reason 1 of why Dany's storyline matters).

My third problem is that, in the books, it's clear that what really upsets Dany is not that the dragons are eating goats, but rather that, as they grow and become more independent, the chances of her dragons a) hurting other people or b) running away increase:

“They have been wild while you were gone, Khaleesi,” Irri told her. “Viserion clawed splinters from the door, do you see? And Drogon made to escape when the slaver men came to see them. When I grabbed his tail to hold him back, he turned and bit me.” She showed Dany the marks of his teeth on her hand.

“Did any of them try to burn their way free?” That was the thing that frightened Dany the most.

“No, Khaleesi. Drogon breathed his fire, but in the empty air. The slaver men feared to come near him.”

She kissed Irri’s hand where Drogon had bitten it. “I’m sorry he hurt you. Dragons are not meant to be locked up in a small ship’s cabin.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

There was no sign of Viserion, but when she went to the parapet and scanned the horizon she saw pale wings in the far distance, sweeping above the river. He is hunting. They grow bolder every day. Yet it still made her anxious when they flew too far away. One day one of them may not return, she thought. (ASOS Daenerys VI)

~

Her dragons were growing wild of late. Rhaegal had snapped at Irri, and Viserion had set Reznak’s tokar ablaze the last time the seneschal had called. I have left them too much to themselves, but where am I to find the time for them? (ADWD Daenerys I)

~

If I look back, I am doomed, Dany told herself … but how could she not look back? I should have seen it coming. Was I so blind, or did I close my eyes willfully, so I would not have to see the price of power?

[...] At Astapor the slaver's eyes had melted. On the road to Yunkai, when Daario tossed the heads of Sallor the Bald and Prendahl na Ghezn at her feet, her children made a feast of them. Dragons had no fear of men. And a dragon large enough to gorge on sheep could take a child just as easily. (ADWD Daenerys II)

Before what happened to Hazzea, she was okay with the fact that they were hunting and devouring sheep:

Viserion sensed her disquiet. [...] “You should be hunting with your brothers. Have you and Drogon been fighting again?” (ADWD Daenerys I)

~

Her dragons had grown too large to be content with rats and cats and dogs. The more they eat, the larger they will grow, Ser Barristan had warned her, and the larger they grow, the more they’ll eat. Drogon especially ranged far afield and could easily devour a sheep a day. (ADWD Daenerys I)

Basically, this is my way of saying that, if they needed to have a scene where show!Dany is uneasy about what the dragons were doing, they should've shown them almost harming one of the people in her retinue or something along those lines (rather than being shocked at seeing them hunt and eat), for that would showcase her empathy like in the books.

My fourth problem with this scene is that we see part of it from show!Jorah's point of view:

JORAH: They’re dragons, Khaleesi. They can never be tamed. Not even by their mother.

In the show, he gets the first line of show!Dany's season four storyline, he gets to be anxious about the dragons before show!Dany is (which undermines how reflective she is in the books) and he is the one who warns her of their wildness when, in the books, she is aware of it without anyone having to tell her. It's another subtle way of undermining show!Dany's agency in comparison to her book counterpart, unfortunately.

My fifth and final problem is that, well, this scene was written by the same people who thought that it was necessary to have show!Dany's dragons taken from her in season two (which never happened in ACOK) and show her going "back to being a really frightened little girl" because she is "so defined" by them. It's the opposite in the books: the dragons only turned into weapons to fight against slavery because of her choices. So, with that in mind, I don't like how they made them so important in her first and last scenes of the season when they never were in the books. And all of this conflict feels superfluous in retrospect, when one remembers that show!Dany doesn't struggle to control them in the last three seasons at all.

*

DAENERYS: Ser Barristan.

BARRISTAN: Your Grace.

DAENERYS: Where’s Daario Naharis? Where’s Grey Worm?

BARRISTAN: Gambling, Your Grace.

DAENERYS: Gambling?

I have problems with how show!Barristan and show!Dany are being portrayed here because it feels like the show writers switched their characterizations when we consider what we know of them in the books.

First, why is show!Barristan holding his laughter about this situation? In the books, Barristan clearly dislikes Daario and his influence on Dany:

On the day that he returned from his latest sortie, he had tossed the head of a Yunkish lord at her feet and kissed her in the hall for all the world to see, until Barristan Selmy pulled the two of them apart. Ser Grandfather had been so wroth that Dany feared blood might be shed. (ADWD Daenerys VII)

~

“This is your gift? A scrap of writing?” Daario snatched the parchment out of the Dornishman’s hands and unrolled it, squinting at the seals and signatures. “Very pretty, all the gold and ribbons, but I do not read your Westerosi scratchings.”

“Bring it to the queen,” Ser Barristan commanded. “Now.” (ADWD Daenerys VII)

~

“...Poor Daario, her brave captain … she will never forget him, no … but better for all of us if he is dead, yes? Better for Daenerys too.”

Better for Daenerys, and for Westeros. Daenerys Targaryen loved her captain, but that was the girl in her, not the queen. [...]

Her love for Daario is poison. A slower poison than the locusts, but in the end as deadly. (ADWD The Kingbreaker)

Now, Barristan is a product of his misogynistic society and I do think he's wrong for thinking (in the last quote above) that Dany's love for Daario is a sign of immaturity, but my point here is that he wouldn't be laughing about something that Daario was doing behind Dany's back; in fact, he would've most likely informed her as soon as he learned about it because he respects her authority.

Additionally, he's known for lacking a sense of humor and not being relaxed, which makes this scene even more OOC for him:

The old knight was a good man, but sometimes very literal. It was only a jape, ser, she thought, but she sat on one of the pillows just the same. (ADWD Daenerys II)

~

“She needs a spear,” Ser Barristan said, as Barsena vaulted over the beast’s second charge. “That is no way to fight a boar.” He sounded like someone’s fussy old grandsire, just as Daario was always saying. (ADWD Daenerys IX)

Second, why is show!Dany being portrayed as the uptight one here? In the chapter that they are drawing from, there are several moments displaying her carefree side:

“Five, were there? Well, that’s a confusion. I could not give you a number, my queen. This old Plumm was a lord, though, must have been a famous fellow in his day, the talk of all the land. The thing was, begging your royal pardon, he had himself a cock six foot long.”

The three bells in Dany’s braid tinkled when she laughed. “You mean inches, I think.”

“Feet,” Brown Ben said firmly. “If it was inches, who’d want to talk about it, now? Your Grace.”

Dany giggled like a little girl. (ASOS Daenerys V)

~

He tried to spare me the sight of the dead children too. He should not have done that, but he meant it kindly. And Daario Naharis made her laugh, which Ser Jorah never did. (ASOS Daenerys V)

Besides admiring Daario's sense of humor and swagger, Dany also appreciates that she can let go of the burdens of queenship (and luxury) and be more spontaneous and frugal when she's with him:

In Meereen I was a queen in silk, nibbling on stuffed dates and honeyed lamb, she remembered. What would my noble husband think if he could see me now? Hizdahr would be horrified, no doubt. But Daario ...

Daario would laugh, carve off a hunk of horsemeat with his arakh, and squat down to eat beside her. (ADWD Daenerys X)

Unfortunately, the show never allows any of those aspects of Dany's characterization to come across onscreen because the writers wanted show!Dany to appear very stoic, which we know because Emilia's said in an interview that they wanted her to "sit up straight and don't smile, you're not funny", which is quite a shame; not only the writers would've been more faithful to the books by allowing her to smile and laugh and enjoy herself, it would've made show!Dany more endearing.

Ultimately, I think the change in these characters comes down to a) D&D not really understanding any of the characters of the books and b) their sexist assumptions that men are funnier than women and that powerful women are all ice queens.

*

I also need to talk about how show!Dany's connection to the Dothraki, the Unsullied and the freedmen is being undermined onscreen in comparison to what we get solely from ASOS Daenerys V.

In the show, the Dothraki only appear briefly in the background of this episode to never be seen again through the rest of season four and the entirety of season five.

In ASOS Daenerys V, we see how Dany's time with the Dothraki influenced her when she judges the slavers' reaction to her army or assesses the way that Oznak fights:

They are pissing on slaves, to show how little they fear us, she thought. They would never dare such a thing if it were a Dothraki khalasar outside their gates. (ASOS Daenerys V)

~

Oznak zo Pahl charged a third time, and now Dany could see plainly that he was riding past Belwas, the way a Westerosi knight might ride at an opponent in a tilt, rather than at him, like a Dothraki riding down a foe. (ASOS Daenerys V)

We also see her interacting with her khalasar and considering that her bloodriders a) are too important to send to fight against Oznak and b) aren't the most adequate men to send to Meereen's sewers:

Her bloodriders were in such a fever to go meet him that they almost came to blows. “Blood of my blood,” Dany told them, “your place is here by me. This man is a buzzing fly, no more. Ignore him, he will soon be gone.” Aggo, Jhogo, and Rakharo were brave warriors, but they were young, and too valuable to risk. They kept her khalasar together, and were her best scouts too. (ASOS Daenerys V)

~

“When cowards hide behind great walls, it is they who are defeated, Khaleesi,” Ko Jhogo said.

Her other bloodriders concurred. “Blood of my blood,” said Rakharo, “when cowards hide and burn the food and fodder, great khals must seek for braver foes. This is known.”

“It is known,” Jhiqui agreed, as she poured.

“Not to me.” (ASOS Daenerys V)

~

“These sewers do not sound promising.” Grey Worm would lead his Unsullied down the sewers if she commanded it, she knew; her bloodriders would do no less. But none of them was suited to the task. The Dothraki were horsemen, and the strength of the Unsullied was their discipline on the battlefield. Can I send men to die in the dark on such a slender hope? (ASOS Daenerys V)

So, despite not getting enough characterization to be set apart as their own individuals because of GRRM's racism, the Dothraki people's influence on Dany's decision-making is still clear. Unfortunately, this is completely absent from the show.

On HBO, when show!Dany passes by the Unsullied, they are shown standing still in silent ranks for no reason while their commander show!Grey Worm is on a contest against show!Daario because the writers wanted it to happen, even though it doesn't gel with his characterization (more on that later).

In ASOS Daenerys V, when Dany passes by the Unsullied, a) they are shown separated in groups that are either training (along with Grey Worm) or bathing and b) we get information on their hygiene practices:

As they rode past the stakes and pits that surrounded the eunuch encampment, Dany could hear Grey Worm and his sergeants running one company through a series of drills with shield, shortsword, and heavy spear. Another company was bathing in the sea, clad only in white linen breechclouts. The eunuchs were very clean, she had noticed. Some of her sellswords smelled as if they had not washed or changed their clothes since her father lost the Iron Throne, but the Unsullied bathed each evening, even if they’d marched all day. When no water was available they cleansed themselves with sand, the Dothraki way. (ASOS Daenerys V)

It's lovely to see Dany returning the Unsullied's greeting, which is another example of how she (relatively speaking) sees lowborn people as equals to her: 

The eunuchs knelt as she passed, raising clenched fists to their breasts. Dany returned the salute. (ASOS Daenerys V)

We also get to see the Unsullied cheer for Belwas after he won his duel:

The besiegers gave him a raucous welcome as soon as he reached the camp. Her Dothraki hooted and screamed, and the Unsullied sent up a great clangor by banging their spears against their shields. (ASOS Daenerys V)

We get to see Grey Worm openly objecting to Daario's suggestion that the Unsullied are immune to the boiling oil that the slavers would probably throw at them if they tried to storm the gates. While he and the Unsullied would still do this if Dany had given them the command, this is a subtle sign of his character development because it displays that, unlike with the slave masters, he's at least now able to speak out about the risks that he and his men would face:

 “...We can storm the gates with axes, to be sure, but ...”

“Did you see them bronze heads above the gates?” asked Brown Ben Plumm. “Rows of harpy heads with open mouths? The Meereenese can squirt boiling oil out them mouths, and cook your axemen where they stand.”

Daario Naharis gave Grey Worm a smile. “Perhaps the Unsullied should wield the axes. Boiling oil feels like no more than a warm bath to you, I have heard.”

“This is false.” Grey Worm did not return the smile. “These ones do not feel burns as men do, yet such oil blinds and kills. The Unsullied do not fear to die, though. Give these ones rams, and we will batter down these gates or die in the attempt.” (ASOS Daenerys V)

And then, we see Dany deciding not to endanger the Unsullied's lives (similar to how she sought to prevent too many former slaves of Astapor from dying in the battle of Yunkai), which highlights both her compassion and her intelligence (since she shows knowledge of the Unsullied's particular strengths to conclude that they shouldn't be sent to the sewers):

Dany sighed. “I will not throw away Unsullied lives, Grey Worm. (ASOS Daenerys V)

~

“These sewers do not sound promising.” Grey Worm would lead his Unsullied down the sewers if she commanded it, she knew; her bloodriders would do no less. But none of them was suited to the task. The Dothraki were horsemen, and the strength of the Unsullied was their discipline on the battlefield. Can I send men to die in the dark on such a slender hope? (ASOS Daenerys V)

Sadly, the show ignores all of this.

On HBO, show!Dany walked past the freedmen on her way to meet show!Daario.

In ASOS Daenerys V, Dany chose to go meet the freedmen because she didn't want to spend time distracted by her feelings for Daario:

“Missandei,” she called, “have my silver saddled. Your own mount as well.”

The little scribe bowed. “As Your Grace commands. Shall I summon your bloodriders to guard you?”

“We’ll take Arstan. I do not mean to leave the camps.” She had no enemies among her children. (ASOS Daenerys V)

We learn that the fighting men were provided with weapons from the other two cities and were now being trained (though not at the particular moment that she chose to meet them):

South of the ordered realm of stakes, pits, drills, and bathing eunuchs lay the encampments of her freedmen, a far noisier and more chaotic place. Dany had armed the former slaves as best she could with weapons from Astapor and Yunkai, and Ser Jorah had organized the fighting men into four strong companies, yet she saw no one drilling here. (ASOS Daenerys V)

Besides the fighting men, we also get information on children and women:

They passed a driftwood fire where a hundred people had gathered to roast the carcass of a horse. She could smell the meat and hear the fat sizzling as the spit boys turned, but the sight only made her frown.

Children ran behind their horses, skipping and laughing. [...]

Dany had stopped to speak to a pregnant woman who wanted the Mother of Dragons to name her baby[.] (ASOS Daenerys V)

Then, there's also how the freedmen perceive and act around Dany:

Some of the freedmen greeted her as “Mother,” while others begged for boons or favors. Some prayed for strange gods to bless her, and some asked her to bless them instead. She smiled at them, turning right and left, touching their hands when they raised them, letting those who knelt reach up to touch her stirrup or her leg. Many of the freedmen believed there was good fortune in her touch. If it helps give them courage, let them touch me, she thought. There are hard trials yet ahead ... (ASOS Daenerys V)

Instead of believing that she has a "glorious destiny" (like the show writers put it), Dany's actual thoughts display that she only allows the freedmen to revere her because it helps them to feel safe; this is another sign of her empathy, not of her self-gratification or entitlement as many often think.

Finally, the chapter shows the freedmen killing a man for Dany:

Mero went sprawling, blood bubbling from his mouth as the waves washed over him. A moment later the freedmen washed over him too, knives and stones and angry fists rising and falling in a frenzy. (ASOS Daenerys V)

In the books, the former captain of the Second Sons, Mero, hid among the freedmen and bided his time to kill Dany out of revenge for having been deceived by her in Yunkai. Barristan defended her and defeated Mero with a stick, which then led to the freedmen ultimately killing him for their mhysa (and to Barristan's identity and Jorah's treason being revealed).

On HBO, because a) show!Barristan's identity was revealed right away and b) show!Mero was killed by show!Daario (who is part of the Second Sons onscreen rather than the Stormcrows onpage), this scene never happened, making this another example of Dany's connection with the freedmen being undermined from books to show.

If the writers really cared about "the people who may be suffering the repercussions of the decisions made by those heroic people" (which was their justification for leaving show!Dany out of the picture in the second half of the episode where they had her decide to kill thousands of innocents out of nowhere), they would've shown the (already limited) interactions between Dany and her khalasar, the Unsullied and the freedmen at the very least. In fact, if the writers really cared about them, they could've gone further and explored characters that GRRM himself didn't:

“Nine, the noble Reznak said. Who else?”

“Three freedmen, murdered in their homes,” the Shavepate said. “A moneylender, a cobbler, and the harpist Rylona Rhee. They cut her fingers off before they killed her.” The queen flinched. Rylona Rhee had played the harp as sweetly as the Maiden. When she had been a slave in Yunkai, she had played for every highborn family in the city. In Meereen she had become a leader amongst the Yunkish freedmen, their voice in Dany’s councils. (ADWD Daenerys II)

Rylona Rhee was a character whose existence we only learned about in ADWD, after she was already killed by the Harpy's Sons. As the quote shows, though, she represented the Yunkish freedmen's interests in Dany's court and had a lot of potential as a character that GRRM didn't tap into. The show could've easily improved this... Think about it: if Rylona was among the Yunkish freedmen, this means that she met Dany at the end of ASOS Daenerys IV (which, in the show, was episode 3.10). From that point until ADWD Daenerys II, the entirety of season four and the beginning of season five went by (this happened because the show writers reaaaallly stretched out the events of ASOS Daenerys V and VI and parts of ADWD Daenerys I and II). This span of time would've been the perfect opportunity to introduce Rylona's character, flesh her out and give us more information about the freedmen.

Now, the show writers would've never done something like this, of course; they only cared about the lowborn people's deaths and the shock value that would come with them, not about their motivations and lives in general.

*

DAENERYS: How long have they been at it?

MISSANDEI: Since midnight, Your Grace.

DAARIO: Ser Worm is stronger than he looks. But I can see his arms beginning to shake.

DAENERYS: What’s the prize to winning this stupid contest?

DAARIO: The honour of riding by your side on the road to Meereen.

DAENERYS: That honour goes to Ser Jorah and Ser Barristan, as neither of them kept me waiting this morning. You two will ride in the rear guard and protect the livestock. The last man holding his sword can find a new queen to fight for.

I already talked about my first issue with the scene, which is that it portrays show!Dany as rigid and strict while it ignores that her book counterpart is allowed to be playful and not take herself seriously in several moments in the books, including in this chapter (see above).

My second problem with it is that ... why would either show!Grey Worm or show!Daario think that this contest would give one of them "the honour of riding by [show!Dany's] side on the road to Meereen"? Did they forget that this choice is show!Dany's to make? Did they forget that she is their leader? By comparison, this is what Grey Worm says when Hizdahr tries to give him orders after Dany departs Meereen:

Hizdahr’s blunder with Grey Worm had cost him the Unsullied. When His Grace had tried to put them under the command of a cousin, as he had the Brazen Beasts, Grey Worm had informed the king that they were free men who took commands only from their mother. (ADWD The Queensguard)

Considering that Grey Worm only respects his queen's authority in the books, I doubt that he would've accepted to join this contest because he would know that its "prize" is worthless to begin with. Same goes for Daario. Unfortunately, this goes in line with how the (sexist) writers of this show have show!Dany's men make decisions among themselves and forget that show!Dany is their liege (another example: show!Barristan asking show!Jorah (rather than show!Dany) to take part in the battle of Yunkai), which is something that would've been fixed by simply paying more attention to the books. Unfortunately, this will only get worse as time goes on.

*

DAARIO: You like this girl? Must be frustrating.

GREY WORM: You are not a smart man, Daario Naharis.

DAARIO: I’d rather have no brains and two balls.

I'm fine with the show introducing a romantic relationship between show!Grey Worm and show!Missandei (which doesn't happen in the books because Missandei is 10-11), but it bothers me that the writers thought that the very first scene suggesting that show!Grey Worm has feelings for show!Missandei should feature show!Daario making an eunuch joke. Not that this would've been better if it weren't the first scene hinting at MissWorm, of course, it's needlessly offensive regardless and, while GRRM isn't immune to stuff like this either, it's true that this doesn't even happen in the books to begin with.

Scene 2

DAENERYS: Have you ever been to Meereen?

MISSANDEI: Several times, Your Grace, with Master Kraznys.

DAENERYS: And?

MISSANDEI: They say a thousand slaves died building the Great Pyramid of Meereen.

DAENERYS: And now an army of former slaves is marching to her gates. You think the Great Masters are worried?

MISSANDEI: If they’re smart, Your Grace.

This detail about a thousand slaves having died while they built the Great Pyramid of Meereen is a show only invention.

Show!Missandei telling show!Dany that the Great Masters should be worried about the latter's army if they are smart is also a show only invention (which leaves a really bad taste in my mouth in retrospect, since this original bit of dialogue most likely stems from their impression that show!Dany is "becoming more and more viable as a threat" based on her campaign in Slaver's Bay, which will also inform why, six years later, they'll think that it's okay to say that show!Dany's actions in King's Landing were foreshadowed by her "willingness to go forth and conquer all [her] enemies"; failure to understand reasons 1 and 2 of why Dany's storyline matters).

It makes no sense that the writers felt the need to add original lines when we could've had what ASOS Daenerys V actually gave us:

When she looked over one shoulder, there it stood, the afternoon sun blazing off the bronze harpy atop the Great Pyramid. Inside Meereen the slavers would soon be reclining in their fringed tokars to feast on lamb and olives, unborn puppies, honeyed dormice and other such delicacies, whilst outside her children went hungry. A sudden wild anger filled her. I will bring you down, she swore. (ASOS Daenerys V)

As the quote above shows, Dany's discomfort with the Meereenese slavers' privileges and traditions stems from the fact that they only have these things to begin with because they've maintained and benefitted from the slave trade for centuries. That's why she no longer enjoys eating puppies:

“...We give each boy a puppy on the day that he is cut. At the end of the first year, he is required to strangle it. Any who cannot are killed, and fed to the surviving dogs.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

“Good dog in Astapor, little queen. Eat?” He offered it with a greasy grin.

“That is kind of you, Belwas, but no.” Dany had eaten dog in other places, at other times, but just now all she could think of was the Unsullied and their stupid puppies. (ASOS Daenerys II)

Or why she asked Jhogo not to use the whip inside Astapor:

He stopped before a thickset man who had the look of Lhazar about him and brought his whip up sharply, laying a line of blood across one copper cheek. The eunuch blinked, and stood there, bleeding. “Would you like another?” asked Kraznys.

“If it please your worship.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

“Make way for the Mother of Dragons!” But when he uncoiled the great silverhandled whip that Dany had given him, and made to crack it in the air, she leaned out and told him nay. “Not in this place, blood of my blood,” she said, in his own tongue. “These bricks have heard too much of the sound of whips.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

Or why she considered banning the tokar, though she ultimately kept it in an attempt to help to make peace with the slavers:

Walking in a tokar demanded small, mincing steps and exquisite balance, lest one tread upon those heavy trailing fringes. It was not a garment meant for any man who had to work. The tokar was a master’s garment, a sign of wealth and power.

Dany had wanted to ban the tokar when she took Meereen, but her advisors had convinced her otherwise. “The Mother of Dragons must don the tokar or be forever hated,” warned the Green Grace, Galazza Galare. “In the wools of Westeros or a gown of Myrish lace, Your Radiance shall forever remain a stranger amongst us, a grotesque outlander, a barbarian conqueror. Meereen’s queen must be a lady of Old Ghis.” Brown Ben Plumm, the captain of the Second Sons, had put it more succinctly. “Man wants to be the king o’ the rabbits, he best wear a pair o’ floppy ears.” (ADWD Daenerys I)

Or why she was intent on keeping the fighting pits closed:

“Ask her if she wishes to view our fighting pits,” Kraznys added. “Douquor’s Pit has a fine folly scheduled for the evening. A bear and three small boys. One boy will be rolled in honey, one in blood, and one in rotting fish, and she may wager on which the bear will eat first.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

“Why?” she demanded, when Ithoke had finished. “You are no longer slaves, doomed to die at a master’s whim. I freed you. Why should you wish to end your lives upon the scarlet sands?” (ADWD Daenerys II)

Or, finally, why she chose to replace the previous throne for an ebony bench:

Her audience chamber was on the level below, an echoing high-ceilinged room with walls of purple marble. It was a chilly place for all its grandeur. There had been a throne there, a fantastic thing of carved and gilded wood in the shape of a savage harpy. She had taken one long look and commanded it be broken up for firewood. “I will not sit in the harpy’s lap,” she told them. Instead she sat upon a simple ebony bench. It served, though she had heard the Meereenese muttering that it did not befit a queen. (ASOS Daenerys VI)

All of these examples highlight that Dany struggles to accept the Meereenese slavers' culture because of her desire to end slavery and achieve equality. The quote from ASOS Daenerys V above could've easily been added in the show during a conversation between show!Dany and show!Missandei like this one.

Now, one could argue that this couldn't have happened in this episode because show!Dany hadn't yet a) seen the one hundred and sixty-three dead children, b) arrived in Meereen, c) seen the Great Pyramid and/or d) faced the risk of her people starve during the siege, all of which increase her righteous anger and determination to move forward with her crusade and do justice. That's true, but it leads to another question: why didn't they let this episode begin with show!Dany in Meereen like how ASOS Daenerys V begins, that is, with her having to face Meereen's champion?

Meereen was as large as Astapor and Yunkai combined. Like her sister cities she was built of brick, but where Astapor had been red and Yunkai yellow, Meereen was made with bricks of many colors. Her walls were higher than Yunkai’s and in better repair, studded with bastions and anchored by great defensive towers at every angle. Behind them, huge against the sky, could be seen the top of the Great Pyramid, a monstrous thing eight hundred feet tall with a towering bronze harpy at its top.

“The harpy is a craven thing,” Daario Naharis said when he saw it. “She has a woman’s heart and a chicken’s legs. Small wonder her sons hide behind their walls.”

But the hero did not hide. He rode out the city gates, armored in scales of copper and jet and mounted upon a white charger whose striped pink-and-white barding matched the silk cloak flowing from the hero’s shoulders. The lance he bore was fourteen feet long, swirled in pink and white, and his hair was shaped and teased and lacquered into two great curling ram’s horns. Back and forth he rode beneath the walls of multicolored bricks, challenging the besiegers to send a champion forth to meet him in single combat. (ASOS Daenerys V)

That's a problem that I have with how they adapted ASOS Daenerys V. The chapter can be divided in a list of four parts, which goes like this:

How Dany deals with Meereen's champion (this happens in episode 4.3)

Discussions on how to take Meereen (this never happens in the show)

Dany's thoughts on/flashbacks with Daario and Jorah (this more or less happens in episode 4.1; some are show only inventions)

Dany a) meeting her children and Mero and b) finding out the truth about her knights (a never happens; b happens in episodes 3.1 for show!Barristan and 4.8 for show!Jorah)

Despite being a chapter jam-packed with action and drama, the show adaptation diluted its impact by 1) fragmenting it, 2) overfocusing on certain parts over others, 3) creating new (and often unnecessary) scenes and 4) displaying its events out of the intended sequence. Problems 1-3 were already present in the adaptation of Dany's first four ASOS chapters, but I'd argue problem 4 is more serious in ASOS Daenerys V.

In the case of this particular scene, again, because it takes place before show!Dany reaches Meereen (and because the show writers never understood reasons 1 and 2 of why Dany's storyline matters), we don't get to see how her problems with the Meereenese slavers' culture are tied to their practice of slavery. This, unfortunately, is another case of the show undermining Dany's characterization from page to screen.

*

DAENERYS: You were told to ride at the back of the train.

DAARIO: Yes, My Queen. But I need to speak to you about something important. A matter of strategy.

MISSANDEI: Your Grace.

DAENERYS: All right, what is this matter of strategy?

DAARIO: A dusk rose.

DAENERYS: Would you like to walk at the back of the train instead of riding?

DAARIO: And this one’s called lady’s lace.

DAENERYS: Would you like to walk without shoes?

DAARIO: You have to know a land to rule it. Its plants, its rivers, its roads, its people. Dusk rose tea eases fever. Everyone in Meereen knows that. Especially the slaves who have to make the tea. If you want them to follow you, you have to become a part of their world.

DAARIO: Strategy. Harpy’s Gold. No tea from this one. Beautiful but poisonous.

DAENERYS: You are a gambler, aren’t you?

DAARIO: Your Grace.

This exchange is adapted from this part of ASOS Daenerys V:

On the road from Yunkai, Daario had brought her a flower or a sprig of some plant every evening when he made his report ... to help her learn the land, he said. Waspwillow, dusky roses, wild mint, lady’s lace, daggerleaf, broom, prickly ben, harpy’s gold ... (ASOS Daenerys V)

I have some problems with it, though. The first is that they have show!Daario tell show!Dany that she has "to know a land to rule it". In the books, at this point in time, Dany does not have any intention to stay and rule Meereen because she thinks that abolishing slavery was enough on its own; she only changes her mind after seeing the aftermath of the sack of Meereen, hearing news of Astapor (where her council was deposed and slavery is being reinstalled by a former slave named Cleon) and Yunkai (which was rumored to be making alliances with sellswords to defeat her) and understanding that her anti-slavery measures can be easily undone if she leaves so soon. Additionally, I dislike that they chose to only adapt a (veeery brief) scene from the chapter where she's shown to lack knowledge. Why not also adapt, for example, the scene in which she chooses Belwas to fight for her against Meereen's champion and we get to see her whole line of reasoning for doing so? That they even added the detail (that isn't in the books) about how a ruler should have knowledge of the region (which show!Dany doesn't yet) only adds salt to the wound, since it subtly indicates that the show writers themselves find her ineffective as a ruler when she certainly isn't.

The second problem is that show!Dany's feelings for show!Daario are not that clear onscreen in comparison to what we get in the books:

Dany found herself stealing looks at the Tyroshi when her captains came to council, and sometimes at night she remembered the way his gold tooth glittered when he smiled. That, and his eyes. His bright blue eyes. On the road from Yunkai, Daario had brought her a flower or a sprig of some plant every evening when he made his report ... to help her learn the land, he said. Waspwillow, dusky roses, wild mint, lady’s lace, daggerleaf, broom, prickly ben, harpy’s gold ... He tried to spare me the sight of the dead children too. He should not have done that, but he meant it kindly. And Daario Naharis made her laugh, which Ser Jorah never did.

Dany tried to imagine what it would be like if she allowed Daario to kiss her, the way Jorah had kissed her on the ship. The thought was exciting and disturbing, both at once. It is too great a risk. The Tyroshi sellsword was not a good man, no one needed to tell her that. Under the smiles and the jests he was dangerous, even cruel. Sallor and Prendahl had woken one morning as his partners; that very night he’d given her their heads. Khal Drogo could be cruel as well, and there was never a man more dangerous. She had come to love him all the same. Could I love Daario? What would it mean, if I took him into my bed? Would that make him one of the heads of the dragon? Ser Jorah would be angry, she knew, but he was the one who’d said she had to take two husbands. Perhaps I should marry them both and be done with it. (ASOS Daenerys V)

As one can see, Dany's crush on Daario is significant for highlighting a) how Dany is a romantic person who associates sexual attraction with love and marriage (hence why she compares Daario with her first husband) and b) how her feelings for Daario are tied to her desire to find a home or, in this case, someone who she can rely on (hence why she remembers the prophecy of the three heads of the dragon when she thinks of him). 

It was particularly important to display her crush onscreen because of what happens later in ADWD. Unlike what certain people think, Dany's dilemma between Daario and Hizdahr doesn't just represent the choices that she needs to make as a ruler (war or peace), it also illustrates the clash between her main motivations, home and duty: Daario is the former (what Dany wants for herself) and Hizdahr is the latter (what Dany thinks she must do for her people).

Unfortunately, this doesn't come across in the show. To be fair, at least we get to see show!Dany shyly smiling here, but this will be undermined later. In episode 4.7, show!Daario will say:

DAARIO: Never met a woman who didn’t like wildflowers.

In episode 5.7, this is how show!Dany will answer to show!Daario's marriage proposal:

DAENERYS: Even if I wanted to do such an inadvisable thing, I couldn’t.

Then, in episode 6.10, this is what she tells show!Tyrion after rejecting show!Daario:

DAENERYS: Do you know what frightens me? I said farewell to a man who loves me. A man I thought I cared for. And I felt nothing.

I wouldn't be surprised if the show writers made these changes because they a) are among the readers who think that Dany is unlikable/irresponsible when she expresses her romantic feelings for Daario in the books (whereas I happen to think that that makes her more relatable) and b) wanted her to appear more regal (based on their ideas of what that means, of course) in the show because she's older, but, regardless of why they did so, this is quite a problem: if show!Dany isn't in love with show!Daario, her conflict becomes much less pronounced in comparison to her book counterpart's (which, as we'll see later as the show progresses, it did).

*

JORAH: There’s one on every mile marker between here and Meereen.

DAENERYS: How many miles are there between here and Meereen?

JORAH: One-hundred and sixty three, Your Grace.

BARRISTAN: I’ll tell our men to ride ahead and bury them. You don’t need to see this.

DAENERYS: You will do no such thing. I will see each and every one of their faces. Remove her collar before you bury her.

This is my favorite moment of the episode because it's a major example of how Dany's leadership style is defined by her desire to protect the ones who can't protect themselves (which applies to both book and show versions). Now that she wields power, she won't remain passive when she sees injustices occur, in fact, she'll want to confront them in order to remember why is it that she's fighting:

“I will see them,” she said. “I will see every one, and count them, and look upon their faces. And I will remember.”

By the time they came to Meereen sitting on the salt coast beside her river, the count stood at one hundred and sixty-three. I will have this city, Dany pledged to herself once more. (ASOS Daenerys VI)

Being a queen is not about self-gratification for Dany, it's about her responsibility and duty towards others, which is what this scene ultimately reinforces.

That being said, there are still some problems with the scene.

One, while the scene on its own does illustrate the kind of ruler (and person) that show!Dany is regardless of what the show writers were intending, I think that their primary intention was to provide shock value with the sight of the dead children (which is also the most likely reason as to why they succeeded in depicting how horrific the Unsullied's training was). If they had intended the scene to showcase show!Dany's selfless motivations like in the books, they wouldn't have later stated that her war in Slaver's Bay was defined by "that willingness to go forth and conquer all your enemies" or by how "she's not seeing the cost" (failure to understand reasons 1, 2 and 5 of why Dany's storyline matters). Unlike them, Dany knows that some wars are morally righteous because there are cases in which the status quo is not worthy of being uphold, especially not one that allows children to be murdered without their killers being punished (which also informs her views on Robert, his supporters and the Baratheon regime in general).

Two, the show leaves out the fact that, in the books, the Meereenese slavers burned their own city's lands in order to prepare for Dany's arrival:

The Great Masters of Meereen had withdrawn before Dany’s advance, harvesting all they could and burning what they could not harvest. Scorched fields and poisoned wells had greeted her at every hand. (ASOS Daenerys V)

This is important for two major reasons.

One, it raises the stakes of the conflict in the moment. If Dany continues to besiege the city for too long, her people will starve. If she gives up on conquering Meereen, on the other hand, not only slavery will remain, but her people will die of starvation on the way back to Westeros. If she wants to protect the freedmen that followed her, then, her only choice is to take Meereen.

Dany set great store by Ser Jorah’s counsel, but to leave Meereen untouched was more than she could stomach. She could not forget the children on their posts, the birds tearing at their entrails, their skinny arms pointing up the coast road. “Ser Jorah, you say we have no food left. If I march west, how can I feed my freedmen?”

“You can’t. I am sorry, Khaleesi. They must feed themselves or starve. Many and more will die along the march, yes. That will be hard, but there is no way to save them. We need to put this scorched earth well behind us.”

Dany had left a trail of corpses behind her when she crossed the red waste. It was a sight she never meant to see again. “No,” she said. “I will not march my people off to die.” My children. (ASOS Daenerys V)

~

When she looked over one shoulder, there it stood, the afternoon sun blazing off the bronze harpy atop the Great Pyramid. Inside Meereen the slavers would soon be reclining in their fringed tokars to feast on lamb and olives, unborn puppies, honeyed dormice and other such delicacies, whilst outside her children went hungry. A sudden wild anger filled her. I will bring you down, she swore. (ASOS Daenerys V)

Two, it raises the stakes of the conflict in ADWD. By scorching the fields, the slavers deprived Meereen of one of its main sources of income: olives. Now the city's economy is stagnant because it has neither olives nor slaves (because, as we know, Dany abolished slavery) to sell:

For centuries Meereen and her sister cities Yunkai and Astapor had been the linchpins of the slave trade, the place where Dothraki khals and the corsairs of the Basilisk Isles sold their captives and the rest of the world came to buy. Without slaves, Meereen had little to offer traders. Copper was plentiful in the Ghiscari hills, but the metal was not as valuable as it had been when bronze ruled the world. The cedars that had once grown tall along the coast grew no more, felled by the axes of the Old Empire or consumed by dragonfire when Ghis made war against Valyria. Once the trees had gone, the soil baked beneath the hot sun and blew away in thick red clouds. (ADWD Daenerys III)

~

“The sea provides all the salt that Qarth requires, but I would gladly take as many olives as you cared to sell me. Olive oil as well.”

“I have none to offer. The slavers burned the trees.” Olives had been grown along the shores of Slaver’s Bay for centuries; but the Meereenese had put their ancient groves to the torch as Dany’s host advanced on them, leaving her to cross a blackened wasteland. “We are replanting, but it takes seven years before an olive tree begins to bear, and thirty years before it can truly be called productive.” (ADWD Daenerys III)

However, because the show didn't bother to depict how the slavers destroyed their own city's fields, we don't get to see neither a) how it becomes harder for Dany to sustain a siege (and how conquering Meereen became her only choice if she wanted not only to free the slaves, but also to protect the freedmen that came with her) nor b) how, later, she struggles with reforming the city's economy (which is one of the many ways that the show adaptation undermined her political arc in ADWD).  

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For this review, there’s no comment of mine on any Inside the Episode because D&D’s Inside the Episode 4.1 doesn’t talk about show!Dany’s storyline. I’m not commenting on show!Dany’s clothes either because she’s wearing the same clothes from season three and I’ve talked about them before in past reviews.