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stayandot8 · 7 months

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Chapter Three, Part Two: Hell's Reign

series summary: this one is a little different than anything else I've written. An AU where the members work in a bar with my MC, no idols among them. It's also going to be on the longer side. The fluffy Chris we know and love is nowhere to be found. He's broodier, moodier, and has jokes up the wazoo. So buckle up, kitties. This one's gonna be good 😏.

inspo: the song by Fall Out Boy.

Genre: i'm not really sure tbh

Relationship type: ???

Important Contents: bar setting, so mentions of alcohol, chris is a lowkey-highkey dick, swearing as usual, 18+, mentions of dr*gs, death of a child, mentions of a g*n (if i miss any, please let me know)

a/n: HOOOOOO BOY, we been waitin on this one for a while, huh. Sorry for those of you who are actually reading this series, the creative process takes a lot out of you, especially when you have no time on your hands. BUT here is the next part, fully finished. I hope it lives up to your expectations. I don't know when the last part will be out, so I guess follow me if you aren't already? If you want to? Anyways... enjoy. :)

WC: 12.9k

Last part l Next Part I masterlist

My feet had never been lighter as I followed Minho out of my room and down the stairs. Once I was out of earshot of the slumbering boy upstairs, I let the panic set in.

“Minho?” He was quiet, moving about to find the things he needed. Grabbing a coffee pod and inserting it into the machine while finding a mug. He simply opened the cabinet and grabbed one, completely ignoring the mug with cats on it. That’s when I knew he wasn’t really all there. He shuffled over to place the mug under the machine to catch the coffee and pushed the start button. He didn’t turn around.

“Minho? “ Nothing. He just stared as the machine whirred to life and the smell of coffee hit me. Awakened my senses.

“Minho, please.” I hated how my voice sounded, pleading and high-pitched. Like I was about to cry. “Please let me explain.”

“You don’t need to.” His back was starting to piss me off, my desperation turning to anger. I just wished he would turn around and look at me.

“I feel like I do. Nothing happened. Not last night. He couldn’t sleep, he said Changbin was snoring really loud so he couldn’t-”

“What do you mean ‘not last night’? Has something happened between you before last night?” He finally turned to face me, his features hard. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He was good at that mask of coolness, acting like nothing mattered to him. He was cool as ice, his eyes shuttering closed and giving nothing away. It was like he was trying very hard not to show any emotion. The twitches of his mouth were the only sign I had that he was still breathing. He wanted to say something, he just wasn’t saying it.

I stood there, silent. Watching him and opening and closing my mouth to say something. Anything. But nothing was coming. There was nothing I could do to combat the hurt he unknowingly exposed. I knew that deep down. What I didn’t understand was why he felt hurt.

His eyes kept flitting between my chin and his cup, steam rising up and disappearing into the air. He would watch it fade from view, then come back to my chin, not willing to look me in the eye.

“The night before last…” I started, voice barely above a whisper. “He waited for me while I was closing up. We got into an argument and he told me…things. Things I couldn’t…ignore. And he kissed me. And I didn’t stop him.” I said all of this to the floor, my stomach doing flips.

“Well that makes sense.” Was the only thing he said, but the way he whispered it, I could tell it wasn’t meant for me. I made a mental note to ask him later. All I could focus on now was how he felt right now.

What I still couldn’t figure out was why I felt like a child getting caught sneaking out in the middle of the night. I hadn’t done anything wrong, so why did I feel such shame and guilt creeping up through my spine, locking my throat? Why was Minho’s gaze so hard to meet? Why did it feel like more than just an older brother being concerned for me? Why wasn’t he saying anything?

I took a few deep breaths and chanced meeting his eyes, which weren’t on me. They were glued to the view out the window behind me, jaw clenched. He looked strained with the weight of the words he wasn’t saying. Each rise and fall of his chest pushing them deeper and deeper until they hit the bottom, to be locked away. The tension he was creating with the silence grew with every passing minute, becoming tangible. My hands found solace in fiddling with my own cuticles, picking and messing with them in every which way I could.

“Minho, please.” I repeated. “Say something. Anything. Yell at me, scream at me, hit something, just do something other than stare out the window.” His tongue licked his lips quickly, then returned inside his closed lips. He blinked rapidly, eyes never settling on one place for very long. He swallowed. Loud.

“I just…” He trailed off. He bit his lower lip for a second before giving me what I wanted this whole time. He looked me straight in my eye and said, “I didn’t know you dated coworkers.” His shoulders sagged, deflated, and his head lowered. He stared back down at his feet, finally finding a spot to land on. He shuffled his slippered feet, crossing one over the other while he leaned on the counter.

My head reeled. That was the last thing I thought he would say. I said as much.

He scoffed, but looked up at me expectantly, like he was waiting for an answer to a question he didn’t ask. I let my head fall in confusion.

“Is that what this is about? Me dating a coworker? I never knew of a rule against that.”

“There isn’t. I don’t care if people date each other in the workplace, as long as it doesn’t affect their work. I just didn’t know you did.”

“But why does that matter?”

He sighed. “It matters.” To me.

I stared at him. Couldn’t do anything else. The silence in my head was now replaced with a million questions. I had been in front of him this whole time yet I didn’t see him until now. My quiet, stubborn, kind-hearted friend and his quirks all wrapped into this man before me, fighting his better judgment. The inner battle he was losing was evident in his frown lines.

“Minho?”

“I was-” Footsteps up the stairs, heavy and a sound like someone dragging something soft with them. Minho’s eyes went wide again and he turned his back to me, to whoever was coming down the stairs. Felix appeared, a blanket wrapped around himself, his blue hair disheveled and eyes drooping.

“What- Why are you guys up?” I glanced at Minho's back and sighed.

“Nothing. Just too excited to be here I guess. Didn’t sleep much.” Minho said nothing. The tension I was feeling mere moments ago was fleeing, as if it too didn’t want to be a part of this. Part of what, I didn’t understand. I watched Felix move about to start making something for himself, moving around the stationary Minho and completely oblivious in his half-awake state. Clatter of pans and the frying of eggs were the only sounds coming from this room, the ceiling creaking about with the others starting to wake and walk around. I was staring at the marble of the kitchen island, trying to make sense of it all.

Then it hit me.

Like a ton of bricks.

Space.

I needed space.

The house was too loud, too crowded for such a large temporary oasis. The open kitchen-to-living room was suddenly too close, pushing in and squeezing any air that was left in the room. It was quickly very hard to breathe. Ragged breaths were all I could manage.

I felt a hand on the small of my back. Chris appeared out of nowhere at my side, looking very concerned. He searched my eyes for what might be ailing me, but it was all a whirlwind of confusion, anxiousness, and nerves of giving something away before I could tell him myself.

“I’m… going to get some sea air.” I stood, moving out from Chris’s grip and headed for my shoes by the door. Chris followed me, his basketball shorts swinging with every step and tshirt hanging loose on his torso.

“Do you want me to go with you?” He said just low enough for me to hear. I shook my head.

“No, it’s fine. I just need some air.” And I left him standing in the door, looking like a puppy being abandoned by its owner. I glanced back as I shut the door and Minho’s eyes were watching me walk out, a similar look reflecting back to me.

Even surrounded by the calming aura of the sea, my mind was still reeling. My hands were running mindlessly through the sand, my mind elsewhere occupied.

Minho had feelings for me. That was all that was bouncing within the walls of my skull, going from one side to the other.

Minho has feelings for me. Has? Had? It seemed current, ongoing. So many questions were coming to me in between the waves of shock running through me.

How long has he felt like this? Why say something now? Why didn’t he say anything sooner? He had plenty of opportunities. We’ve only been working together forever. We’ve only known each other all our lives. Why did he never say a word? Or did he show signs and I just never saw them.

The Minho I knew wasn’t very expressive. Often coming across cold and unfeeling, he was never one that was easy to catch on to until he had already done what he was going to do. He laughed quietly, except when he didn’t. He found no one funnier than himself though. His jokes were the funniest to him. When he wasn’t overwhelmed with work, he actually was one of the funniest people I knew.

Ah, Minho at work. He got buried too often. Or maybe he buried himself? Oh god, did he bury himself in his work to distract himself from his surroundings? Namely, me? No, there’s no way. He just focuses easily on it. He loves it. Doesn’t he?

Everything was coming too quickly, too fast for me to comprehend. I tried to let the sea drown out the thoughts when two people plopped down beside me in the sand. I knew from the smells of old dough and cologne that it was Felix and Hyunjin. I didn’t bother turning my head from the water.

They sat with me, silent and following my gaze out into the nothingness. Felix leaned his head on my shoulder, the weight of his head bringing me back down from my thundercloud of thoughts. I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. The blanket of safety I needed while I had these two friends with me along with the silence. Hyunjin broke it first.

“You really didn’t know?”

I snapped my head to him, eyes bewildered. He kept staring straight ahead, either completely oblivious or pointedly ignoring my stare.

“You did?” He nodded.

“We all did. We thought he would die before telling you.” Hyunjin said it slowly, like he was weighing the words on a scale before he used them.

“And he told everyone but me?” Felix picked his head up before shaking it.

“No, he didn’t tell anyone. We just…picked it up from watching him with you. No one told us. We just know how he is with you versus how he is with other people. He’s softer, less… troublesome with you.”

“I beg to differ, Lix. He gives me all kinds of shit! You guys just don’t see it.”

“Maybe,” he replied “but I would bet you that everyone else would say otherwise.” His deep voice was soft, carefully laying the words at my feet for examination. For the first time since they sat down, I looked at each of them. Hyunjin was cautious, a little apprehensive and bit his bottom lip while he watched me. He met my eyes, giving me an apologetic look.

“Really?” I said, quiet. He nodded slowly. I sighed and looked to Felix, whose head was still on my shoulder in his version of comfort. He shifted to look at me without moving off my shoulder. His eyes were wide and I have never hated that look more than this moment. I couldn’t say no to him, I would give him anything he wanted. “And what do you want?”

“I want to get this burden off of you. It just seems like it’s a lot for you right now.”

“You have no idea.” I went back to the ocean, longing to be a simple piece of seaweed just floating in the water. My life would be so simple if I was just another piece of greenery with no feelings, nothing to care about, no one to answer to or listen.

“Hey, we’re gonna leave you to think. Just…” They stood up, brushing the sand off their pants for the walk back. Hunjin had gotten a head start while Felix had started walking backwards, still facing me. “Don’t be out here too long. People” he widened his eyes at me, putting even more emphasis on the word, “will start to worry.” I nodded once, knowing exactly which people he was referring to. I wondered what he was doing through all of this, if he too would join me out here.

Well, I should have known better than to doubt that he would.

The sun was almost straight above me, signaling midday. It was a nice day to be at the beach if you weren’t me. More people had crowded the beach here, enough where there was noise to distract me. Shirtless guys playing volleyball, families laying out on blankets and old sheets, kids playing with their toys and shouting for their parents' attention were all around me. I was watching one particular group of older teens pushing and shoving each other playfully when another presence approached me.

Minho walked quietly on normal ground, but he was even softer on sand. He mimicked my position, knees up to his chest with his arms circling them. He joined his hands together in nervous wringing as he found what I was watching.

“They’ll get burned to a crisp.” A puff of air escaped my nose in a chuckle. We watched them run around for a while before my thoughts and questions burst through the dam.

“How long?” A deep sigh.

“Almost 10 years.”

“It started at 15?” I asked incredulously. I saw him nod through the corner of my eye. “How?”

“I couldn’t tell you the exact moment. It was like I woke up one day and realized ‘hey, you’re in love with your best friend.’ Which was immediately followed by a ‘fuck, you’re in love with your best friend.’ And there was nothing I could do about it. Nothing to slow down, nothing to catch me from feeling this way. It was like it was… always there. Just waiting to be tapped alive.”

I couldn’t believe it. Was I just too naive to realize it? Or was he just that good at hiding it?

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was waiting to see if there was any spark there, anything to tell me that you were into me too. And I was waiting and waiting and waiting. I watched the boyfriends come and go. I watch you flirt with customers. I knew what it looked like when you liked someone, so I looked for those signs. I looked for them with the guys and I didn’t find any. I thought you just didn’t like guys you worked with so I just sat back. I knew I couldn’t let the restaurant go, and there was no way in hell I was firing you so I suffered in silence. I didn’t think that would change. Yet here we are.”

“Here we are.” I was scared to look at him, afraid of the vulnerability I would find. I didn’t think I was ready for it. I had never seen him not be his sarcastic, stubborn, sometimes abrasive self. This was a new side of him I hadn’t been able to see. But I couldn’t help wondering… “What now?”

“Well…” He turned to me, forcing me to finally return that piercing gaze. I was right to be afraid of what I would see. I swallowed hard. “I know you. I know how you think. I know how you are. If you had feelings for me, you would have felt them already.” I tried to protest, the words forming on the tip of my tongue. He held up his hand to stop me. “It’s true and you know it.” That sad smile broke my heart. “Besides, now that you know, if you told me you returned those feelings, I don’t think I would believe you. Not truly. I would think that you were just saying it to ease the blow.” He put his hand on my knee. “We’re fine, I promise. I’ll just need some time to grieve. I don’t want this to turn into some… choice you have to make. Between me and him. It would create drama that we don’t need and honestly, I can’t stand the thought of losing you. So I’m removing myself from the equation. Forget I said anything and let’s just go back to how things were.”

“That’s the thing, Minho. I don’t know if I can. Now I’m going to read into everything you do and wonder if you’re telling me the truth.”

“But I’ve never lied to you.”

“A lie of omission is still a lie.” To that, he was silent. “Exactly.”

“Just give me some time. You’ll see, it’ll be fine.” I turned my eyes to him again. “Do you still want to be my friend?”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Then just give me time. Nothing has to change.” It was my turn to be silent, doubtful of his words.

I didn’t want to lose him either. I wanted to tell him, but the words wouldn’t come out. He meant the world to me. I couldn’t, I wouldn’t lose him. But now everything he did I would have to look at differently. Reading into every word he said like I would find something there if I looked hard enough.

“Now, if you’re going to pursue things with Chris, you need to make sure he’s telling you everything. Don’t push it, let him come to you. But make sure he tells you about his family before you two get…serious.”

“We’re not officially together. Not yet.”

“‘Yet’. There’s that word again.”

“What did you mean earlier? When you said ‘it makes sense’?”

“He asked me if I was into you and I never gave him a straight answer. I didn’t deny it outright. Not until later.”

“So he suspected it too? Wow, did everyone know but me?”

“I denied it to everyone who asked. After the first couple times, the others just stopped asking. I figured they had dropped it.”

“They took your denial as just the opposite. Hyunjin just told me that they all knew.” Minho nodded.

“That makes sense too. They never asked me about it again so I assumed they dropped it.” Hmm.

“Is that why he was so cold towards me in the beginning? Chris?”

“I don’t know for sure. You’ll have to ask him.” I nodded and took in our surroundings one last time for the day. I had already spent too much time here. I needed to talk to Chris.

We walked back together, not really saying much. I was still processing all that he had said to me. I think he was doing the same, accepting the fate he had resigned himself to.

Walking up that long driveway, we could see that a figure was sitting on the stairs leading up to the front door. Sounds of splashing and laughter came from the backyard, yells and shrieks from the other boys of laughter and playful shouting. Minho was a few steps behind me, trailing me the whole way. As the figure came more and more into view, Chris had dressed in jean shorts and a white t-shirt with a band I hadn’t heard of. His hat was backwards as he picked at his cuticles and tried to act like he wasn’t waiting for us to come back. When we reached his earshot, his head shot up. He looked confused as to whether he should stand up or not. I stopped just short of him, giving him no indication of what was said over the past few hours. The only thing me and Minho talked about was that I should be the one to talk to Chris about everything.

Minho walked past me up the steps, giving me a small pat on the back before I sat next to Chris. I picked a spot of rocks on the driveway to focus on, deciding it would be the only thing I look at while I got everything out. I was struggling with how to start, but Chris decided for me.

“So… What the fuck? What was all that?”

“That… was the culmination of years and years of pining.” I turned to look him in the eye, wanting him to know that I didn’t enjoy this part at all. “He’s been lying to you. He does- did have feelings for me. He never told me or anyone else.”

“What?”

“Yep. He didn’t even tell me directly. I figured it out. And this was the one time he didn’t deny it.” I turned to fully face him, watching his facial expression turn from confused to slightly angry. “He peeked in my room this morning and saw your arm around me. I wouldn’t have been so concerned but his face when he realized what he was seeing… I never want to see that face again. It was this mixture of sadness and anger and pain that I have never seen before. So I ran after him.

“And that’s when we started talking in the kitchen when we got interrupted by Felix. That was when it clicked. He was talking about not knowing that I dated coworkers and I thought it was weird until he wouldn’t look at me while I was explaining. I think that was the moment it actually clicked for me. He said something about something making sense and when I asked him about it, he said that you asked him if he had feelings for you. He said he denied it. Has denied it every time he’s been asked.”

“I asked him when I realized my own feelings. It was at the same time that I noticed he treated you differently from the rest of the crew. When he denied it, I thought it was because you were friends for so long. It was the only reason I could come up with.”

“So then why did you treat me like I wasn’t worth your time?”

“He just talked about you so much, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. It wasn’t until about a month in that it finally clicked. I was fighting it, I didn’t want to fall victim to it too. But that all changed for me when you started training me. I got to see you. I saw what everyone else saw. And I was pissed about it. I had fallen for you and I was fighting it so hard. But you broke down every wall I had built, just by being you.”

Everyone was dropping so many bombs at my feet today. I hardly had the brain power to process it all. I thought this weekend would be fun, a time for all of us to relax. I didn’t think it would end up like this. Well, why stop the bombs now? I dove in head first.

“Tell me about your family.” Chris’s face hardened from the open and soft glow he had while he was telling me his feelings. From confessing more about how his feelings had come about to being forced to bring up a subject I was sure he wasn’t ready to talk about. He was pushing himself to tell me. I was pushing him, dying to know what Minho thought was important that I should know before he and I moved forward.

Chris looked at me, apprehensive and wringing his hands just like Minho had earlier today. That particular nervous tick they had in common. They reminded me more and more of each other with every passing day. Chris swallowed hard and looked behind him to the front door to check for any eavesdroppers. Then picked a spot on the gravel in front of him just like I had. And it all came tumbling out.

“You weren’t… far off with your accusation of drug deals. My father was the one who brought me into it. Said he wanted to retire and do his own thing and pass it on to me to take care of everything. He got so caught up with leaving me with the responsibility and teaching me how to do things properly that he slipped up on his boss and he ran my father out of town. I spent the next two years trying to right his wrong and get him back. My mother was devastated. And pregnant with her fourth child.

“I had two younger brothers. Lucas was close with my sister but the baby, Daniel, wouldn't leave my side no matter where I went. Those pictures you found in that box, those were the ones I took with me before I left. Those are the only pictures we have together. He was the one who understood what I was going through without me telling him. He had a talent for feeling your emotions without you having to say it. He was the sunshine that came out of the shadows of my father running. Daniel was always trying to make Lucas and Hannah laugh every day. He was so young and already wanted to make everyone around him happy. I wanted to take him everywhere, make up for my dad being a piece of shit that ran out on him. And he came along too, just to be a part of it all. I kept him away from that dark part of our life, the life my father thrust on me to take care of them. The problem was the room we shared. Daniel always wondered where I went in the middle of the night without him. He would wake up after I put him to bed and question me until he was out of breath and I got him to go back to sleep again. I was very late to a lot of deals because of him. About three years ago, he followed me to a deal and hid in the corner of the alleyway where no one could see him. I thought I was being careful enough that I wasn’t being tailed. But he was smaller, quicker, could hide easily. Well, the deal took a wrong turn, something about there not being enough for what he paid for. He brought out his ‘backup’ and started shooting, two warning shots off to the side. And I heard the smallest of gasps from behind the shadows.

“I’ll never forget the way his little body collapsed to the ground. It haunts me every night in my dreams. Everyone ran. I found someone on the side of the street to call for help but by the time the ambulance came…” He shook his head, his bottom lip starting to quiver. He drew some calming breaths, fighting the welling I could see coming from him. I could see the anger, the pain of it all in those tears. He was fighting these emotions too.

“That’s how I know Minho. He was in the hospital for his dad in a random town, my town, and he saw me pacing and waiting for my mother. I can’t imagine how I must have looked for him to approach me that night. He said he overheard what I told the nurse and put two and two together since the town we were living in at the time was known for shit like that. I didn’t say anything, didn’t confess or deny it. And then the fucker sat down and he waited. He started telling me this story about how his dream used to be to become a professional dancer. I thought he was fucking nuts, talking to this random guy about his dreams. But what I didn’t know at the time was that he was waiting with me for my family to come so I wouldn’t be alone in a hospital.

“He gave me a piece of paper with his number on it and told me if I ever needed a way out, to give him a call. I don’t know what he saw in me that day, probably a broken soul with no way to change his circumstances but I couldn’t face my family after what had just happened. I couldn’t… wake up every day in that house, knowing what I had done to them. I didn’t deserve any kindness from them. So I ran too. I left my sister, my brother, and my mother all to deal with the mess of what I had done. I’d been living with friends and friends of friends for years, just trying to make ends meet and keep up with demand until Minho called me again a couple months ago and told me he had a job for me. So I packed up my duffel and hopped on the bus until I got here.”

I was in tears by the time he was done. We both were, as much as he tried to fight it. His breaths were shaky as he tried to regain his composure.

“What you saw that night was when they caught up to me. I hadn't seen them since. They couldn’t find me, they said. But now they have. I don’t want to fuck this up, I like being here. I don’t want to have to run again.”

Wiping the tears that had fallen, my fingers were now slightly wet. I wasn’t sure how my voice would sound if I were to speak, but I had to ask.

“Have they come back since?” He swallowed again and kept staring at the ground. I couldn’t help the slight anger that arose. What the fuck.

“It’s not like I wanted them to come. They have people everywhere. I can’t ever get away. I’ll always be dragged back there. Hell, I moved four towns over and they still found me.”

“What do they want from you? Why won’t they leave you alone?”

“He keeps saying I need to pay back my fathers mistakes. More deals I do, the less that I owe. I was hoping that if I made enough here, I could pay them and they would leave, but they haven’t yet. More things keep getting tacked on to the bill and it’s just a never-ending list.” He ran his hands up his face and into his hair and groaned. “If I could be done with it, I would.” He sniffled and wiped his tear-stained face again.

“Thank you. For telling me.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I had no words for what he just told me and I was trying not to let it show. He started, seemingly surprised to hear me say that. “You haven’t told anyone else that, have you.” Not really a question.

“I told Minho when I got here. But he’s the only one who knows.” I nodded. “What a way to ruin a romantic trip, huh.”

“It’s not ruined.” I put a hand on his back, trying to reassure him and myself. “Just had a couple wrenches thrown in. But there’s still two more days until we have to go back home. Let’s just…try to enjoy this as much as we can, yeah?” He plucked up his best smile, which came off tighter than what I was used to. His effortless glow was dull now, tired and emotionally exhausted. I had to admit that I was too.

Mini golfing had been Changbin’s idea. Something about showing off another one of his ‘many talents’. All of us rolled our eyes.

“Ah yes, something else Changbin can hold over our heads for the rest of the trip.” Seungmin had a point. Changbin loved beating us at sports and games and such and then never letting us live it down. Bowling was always his first choice, but we had all talked him out of it, especially since there weren’t really any bowling alleys around this area of town. But what they lacked in bowling alleys, they made up for in other activities. Mini golfing was one of them.

We all piled into the minivan Minho had rented for us. The ride there was filled with all kinds of smack-talk, more yelling and shouting. There was never a moment of peace around here.

The spot Changbin picked was an outdoor place with a Jungle theme. It had a huge plastic monkey out front that you had to enter under. The open way to the front desk was littered with people who were thinking the same as us; just wanting to get out of the house and do something together. What they didn’t know was how our group handled such activities.

Hyunjin and Felix were “fighting” over who got the blue putter while Minho and Seungmin were mercilessly teasing Changnin about how they would beat him at his own suggestion. Chris had taken Han to find where the staff kept the golf balls, which left myself and Jeongin to meander once we found which putter we wanted to use. I opted for the pink one, of course.

“Why are they so mean to him sometimes?” Jeongin asked, watching Minho and Seungmin.

“It’s how they show their love for him. Trust me, he knows. He wouldn’t stand for it if he wasn’t happy. He does the same thing to them, haven’t you noticed?” I was doing my best to pretend everything was normal, like my heart and my mind weren’t constantly going a thousand miles a minute since this afternoon. It wasn’t that I was scared of Chris, it was just that I had no choice but to see him differently now. I never expected him to trust me immediately, I knew it would grow over time. What I wasn’t expecting was the contents of the story. It wasn’t his fault his brother had come along to something he wasn’t supposed to, but he blamed himself anyway. I wasn’t sure if that made him admirable or not.

“Changbin has tells when something or someone goes too far for him. He’ll shut down almost instantly or be just the opposite of how he normally is.”

“Kinda like you.” My head snapped up at him, surprise written all over my face, I was sure. Innie had never read me like that. I narrowed my eyes on him.

“Whatever do you mean, Young One?” He smiled.

“You’ve been off since this morning. Like something’s bothering you.” I sighed at him. So young, but he was observant. Liked knowing the small details of everything and everyone around him. “What are you hiding? What happened today?” His face held not a trace of insincerity, his eyes focused on me and willing me to tell him the truth. I almost did.

“Nothing, Innie. Don’t worry, whatever it is will work itself out in the near future. I’m sure of it.”

“Well, if you won’t tell me, then I can at least help you take your mind off of it.” He placed his hand on my shoulder and let me lead the way behind Changbin, who had taken off to the first hole.

“Whoever gets through first, tell Hyunjin how many hits you had and he’ll write it down. Whoever loses buys dinner. Ultimate winner picks where we eat!”

Felix went first, not doing too well.

“It’s because there’s a hill there!” He pouted the three steps over to the next hole while he watched everyone else.

Chris laughed at him along with the others before turning to me to try and catch my eye. He’d been trying since we piled in the van. I wasn’t purposely ignoring him, per say. I just needed more time. He leaned forward and back, trying to move around Han without drawing too much attention to himself. He frowned, and from the corner of my eye, I saw his shoulders go up then down, letting out a sigh. His frustrations weren’t for nothing, I knew I was avoiding him and so did he. I just didn’t know for how long. Once I was sure his back was turned, I chanced a look. His shoulders sagged more than they had since we left. He looked defeated.

“Ah, so it is him.” Jeongin and his nosy ass…

“Don’t tell anyone. Please. It’s just very complicated right now and I just need to sort it out on my own.” He shrugged and widened his eyes to look more innocent.

“I wouldn’t even know what to say. I don’t know what’s going on.” He threw up his hands and followed Felix’s turn. Innie had an untapped affinity for mini golf, it seemed. He got it on the first try, to everyone’s shock and admiration, even his own.

I went next, although it took me a couple tries, I got it in eventually.

“Not bad! You did better than me.” Felix said, watching the others before he moved on to the next hole.

“I think that’s how this whole course is going to go for me.” And I was right.

Twelve holes later, my name was at the bottom of the list of winners, Han following close behind. ‘I’m no good with sports with balls!’ he insisted again and again. From the looks of the beginning of our adventure, I thought Jeongin would win the entire thing and I would be saved from any extreme expenses. But alas, Seungmin surprised us all.

“Let’s go to the seafood place we saw down that way.” He pointed down south towards town and we all followed one by one, leaving the van behind since the weather was nice and it was a short walk. Chris decided he’d had enough of my avoidance and finagled his way to my side.

“Everything okay?” He kept his eyes straight, walking just behind the others in front of me, letting his voice carry on the wind.

“Not excited about the hundreds of dollars I’m about to spend but I guess.”

“Have you been avoiding me on purpose or by accident?” Ignoring my attempt at a joke, his tone gave away more than he would admit, but I heard the slight embarrassment for even asking. Like he didn’t want to appear insecure for asking a simple question he may already know the answer to.

“Can we not talk about this here? In front of everyone?”

“Then later tonight? Please?” There was that voice again, that pleading he would never admit to. I had to make up my mind by tonight then, whether to keep things going as they were or to end them now and for good. It seemed like too soon. “I’m not trying to push you, you’re just making me nervous.”

“How about tomorrow night? Before we leave the next day.” It was the best solution I could give him at this moment, while I was still trying to figure myself out.

“I won’t get an answer tonight anyways, will I.” More of a statement than a question. I shook my head.

“I don’t have one right now.” Han must have said something funny because the boys ahead of us cracked up and started playfully shoving the boy. They were completely oblivious to the conversation happening behind them and the weight it carried. Minho was smiling at Han and trying not to look at us from the way his body was angled to the side but his eyes were on his friends and the sidewalk ahead of him.

Chris sighed and kept walking, picking up his pace to leave me behind. I watched them all, all eight of them, together for the rest of the walk. They were a good looking group. They fit with each other really well. Where one lacked, others were there to pick it up. The strengths they played on were just that; strengths. Individually, they were good, but together, they were even better.

We walked into the restaurant and were greeted by a hostess that couldn’t have been more than seventeen, but her smile made her look older. It was warm and inviting and perfect for her job.

“How many?” She asked us. Changbin, who was stuck in front of the group, rose to his tiptoes and counted to make sure he was right.

“Nine.” He replied and the girl counted her menus and led us to a table in the back. The place was semicrowded, just enough to have a stable crowd for this time of day, but not so much as to be too busy to do everything needed. Minho once told me that this meant the place was good, no matter who was cooking.

Once we were all dropped off at our table, the girl started placing menus in front of the chairs to return to her station at the front. Everyone sat in whatever seat they liked while Minho and Chris stared at the last few open seats; one beside me and one diagonally in front of me. When I realized what they were looking at, I quickly sat down and picked up my menu, eager for something else to focus on so I wouldn’t feel pressured to help them with this decision. Chris took the seat beside me while Minho took the other across the table. They both glared at each other for a second before giving a quick nod and picking up their menus.

Felix was seated on my other side and Hyunjin was on his. They were looking at the menu together and whispering to each other. Chris sat himself down carefully beside me, like I might explode if he sat too fast.

“I seem to have found myself beside you yet again. Funny how we keep seeming to be thrown together like this.” He flipped open his menu. “Like a pattern almost.” He turned the pages without glancing at me, scanning through them top to bottom. I took a deep breath and continued to do the same, wondering why the universe was always playing such jokes on me.

***

That night the boys decided to initiate a tournament of sorts downstairs in the basement. I opted for the silence of the crow’s nest on top of the house. Staring at the stars again, like so many other nights of years prior, I was looking for clarity. Being alone while being in a house full of people was a strange, yet not uncommon feeling for me. When there was fighting in the house of my childhood, I needed to find an escape elsewhere and the stars were as good a place as any.

I hated this feeling that was coursing through my veins right now. This feeling of uneasiness was disturbing to my bones. Even when I wasn’t sure where I was going in life, there was always a backup plan in place. Even when it wasn’t solid, I knew I could come up with one if I needed to. But this didn’t feel like that. This felt like I was lined up at the plate, ready to hit a home run only to find out the pitcher wasn’t even there.

Was Chris’ past something I could look past? Did it even matter? He seemed really torn up about it. I would be too in his shoes. But was that enough to look past how he got here in the first place? The drugs, the trauma, everyone he was involved with, it just seemed like too much. But he felt like a changed man, even if I never knew the old one. It felt as though he wanted to be different, wanted to be better than the boy he left behind. I wondered what sparked that desire for change. I prayed it wasn’t me. I wasn’t sure why.

I never wanted to change him, just to… The truth was I didn’t know. At first, I just wanted him off my back but that was before he became my responsibility. Now he wanted to become more, but before he could do that he needed to stop dealing with those people for his own safety, to stop him from getting hurt and to protect everyone else we had come to care about now. That was before I cared about him as I do now. And before I knew what was behind it all.

Minho was another situation. He said to give him time. I didn’t want to lose him, but if what he said was true, that I would have felt something for him the way he wanted to, I would have felt it by now. But I didn’t know it was true. I couldn’t tell the difference between what I felt for him now and what I felt before, with the exception of the pang of guilt every time I thought about him. If what I felt now was friendship, then was it true that it was all I was capable of for him? I had never been overwhelmed with the need to kiss him or anything of the sort, but knowing what I know now, would that change? Did it matter if it did? Would it matter to him?

Minho: Where did you go? Felix is asking.

Me: You’re a terrible liar, even over text.

Minho: That’s beside the point. Answer the question.

Me: On the roof.

“I should’ve known you would find your way up here.”

“You know I love a roof.” His steps were loud on the wooden staircase, creaking beneath his boot. He found me bundled up in my blanket that I took from my room, feet tucked under me while crouched in the corner. I was sure I looked a mess with my hair tied on top of my head and makeup barely off.

“That I do.” He sat across from me and mirrored my position sans blanket and looked up at the sky. “How bad was the damage?”

“Nothing a raise won’t fix.” We both smiled. We had always had this easy repertoire between us. I hoped nothing would change that. “I didn’t really get the chance to tell you earlier, but I thought about what you said. I’ve been thinking about it all day. And I don’t want to hurt you further, but I know as much as I wish you weren’t, I wanted to tell you that you’re right. The feelings I have for you and the ones I feel for Chris are different from each other. I don’t mean to drive the stake in deeper, but I just want you to hear it from me first. Minho, I care about you more than I do myself. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I hope you know that.” He nodded, watching my face as I spoke. It was killing him, little by little. But he needed to hear it. “I know you said to give you some time and I will. I just hope your opinions of me don’t change. I love you like family and I always will. You mean too much to me to let you go without a fight.” That made the shoulders slump fully, even though his face was growing into a sad smirk.

“You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried. I am your boss.” There was that joke to save me from crying. He could always tell, even when I myself couldn’t. “Unless you want to look for a new job…” He was looking up at the sky and making a face like he was actually thinking about it. I took off my slipper and chucked it at him, hitting his knee that was folded into his chest. He looked at the slipper and blinked, like he couldn’t believe what had just happened. Then he grabbed his leg and started fake-screaming out in pain, falling down to lay on the wood. I rolled my eyes.

“Lee Minho, the other one is coming for you if you don’t stop!” I took it off to show him and his screams dissolved into laughter. That maniacal laughter that he was known for that made anyone stop and give him a look before continuing on their way. I laughed with him until it faded away from our lungs and into the night breeze. He sat up and sighed as he fell back on the railing and scanned me up and down. “What?” I asked softly.

“Chris is just lucky, that’s all.” I blushed and glanced down at my feet. “Hey.” He nudged them, grunting as he reached with his own. “I wasn’t trying to get sympathy.” He stopped. “Well, maybe a little.” He said under his breath.

I picked up my slipper again.

By the time I made my way down to the basement, Chris and Jeongin were the only ones left. Everyone else had gone to bed, or so I was told. They were in a ferocious game of air hockey when I got to the bottom step and I stopped to watch them play a little. Chris seemed like he was better than he was letting on, but Jeongin wasn’t going down without a fight. The score was tied on the digital monitor 6-6. The next point won, and as soon as I realized this fact, Jeongin screamed in satisfaction and glee.

“YES! Ultimate Champion right here! That’s right!” He did a little dance in a circle, hsaking what little ass he had that made Chris burst into laughter, defeat far from his mind. They heard my laughter coming from behind them and whirled around to see me trying and failing to keep my laughter from being caught.

“Not so fast there, Innie. You still have one more person to beat.” I sauntered over to the table and pressed reset. Chris seemed happy I was standing near him. Until I hip-checked him and moved him out of the way. “Can’t have you getting in the way.” He looked at the younger boy, who was staring at his paddle like it had grown legs. “Jeongin!” He looked up through his lashes like a kid who’d been caught. “Get the puck, baby boy.” His eyes went wider and his cheeks were red. He grabbed the puck and tossed it onto the table while I grabbed my own paddle. Jeongin was aggressive after he got over the nickname I gave him. Once the blush returned to his neck, his tongue had poked out between his teeth in concentration. He tried, but he was no match.

7-3

Chris was applauding both of our efforts once we were finished. He stood up from his seat on the couch and slowly clapped as he made his way over to me again.

“I had no idea you were hiding such a talent. But…” He glanced at Jeongin for a second. “I’d like to take a stab at it if I can.” He turned his puppy dog eyes on me, directing the question to me. I swallowed and nodded.

“You can try, but I won’t hold back because it’s you.”

“Oh, my lady, I expect no less.” I raised my eyebrow at him, not expecting the formality. Jeongin cleared his throat.

“I’m going to mourn my title that I had for a total of thirty seconds in my room where people will comfort me.”

“Yeah, Hyunjin might cuddle with you if you ask nicely.” I called after him as he stuck his tongue out at me on his way up. He flashed a quick thumbs up when Chris’ back was turned and I swatted him away. He took off running.

When I went back to the table, Chris had his hand on his paddle, ready to go.

“Scared, Sparkles?” I recognized the familiar movie dialogue and smirked to myself.

“You wish.” He smiled so wide his eyes crinkled into slits. I could barely see the brown I’d become so fond of. While we played, I mulled over my earlier train of thought. The bottom line was: I didn’t know that person. I only knew the one in front of me, getting his assed whooped at air hockey. Whatever mistakes he was running from, he’d removed himself from a place that could’ve gotten himself into somewhere much worse. He left his family behind, everything he had known and came here to make himself a new life at Minho’s offer. And if he could pull himself out of that place, then I could forgive actions that had no bearing on me. As for the family he had left behind, that could be changed. I knew he needed to check in on them, just to hear from them. I was sure they were dying to hear from him if he left with no word. I’d ask him about that later.

He was keeping up with me point for point. I was right; he was holding back from Jeongin. But I couldn’t figure out why. After I scored my fifth goal, I asked him.

“Because he reminds me of my little brother. It’s actually a little creepy.” It wasn’t a sad memory he was reliving, but one that made him pause to enjoy living through it again. A mournful smile crossed his features before he shook his head and grabbed his paddle again.

It was nice that he had someone that sparked something he had lost too soon. Anyone who looked in his direction would notice he was carrying a weight on his shoulders that was going to crush him if he didn’t lift it soon. I wondered if I could be the one to help him.

Two goals later, we were still tied. The next goal would win and after he caught up to me for the sixth time, I saw something spark in his eyes.

“Why don’t we make it interesting?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, were you bored until now?” I left a lilt to my voice and tilted my head, trying my best to mock him into lowering his defenses.

“No, I just thought it might be fun.” I squinted.

“I’ll hear you out, but I don’t agree to anything yet.” He chuckled.

“If you win, I will cook the best meal you’ve ever had. Whatever you want, no matter how complicated, no matter how long it’ll take.” He paused for what I only assumed could be dramatic effect. “But if I win, you kiss me right here, right now.”

I raised my brow in confusion. “That doesn’t seem like a fair trade. Why do I get a fancy meal and you get a kiss?”

“To get you to take the deal.” He shrugged innocently. “You have more to gain than to lose. What’s better than that?” I pondered over it. What did I really have to lose here?

“Alright, Puck, you’re on.” I grabbed my paddle with a sudden vigorous grip, I was sure it would break beneath it. Chris lay the hockey puck down and swiped at it so hard it went straight at the wall and bounced so quickly, it landed

in my goal.

Just like that, it was over. In one swipe, our tight match was done with a winner that was not me. I stood still, not being able to move from shock at what just happened while my brain was playing catch-up. I looked down to confirm what I already knew and blinked as the puck stared back at me in the pocket to be retrieved.

Chris was smiling at me with that cocky smile he had before we had started to play nice. But this time, at least there was no malice behind it, just easy cockiness he had for some unknown reason. The swagger was back. It had been missing since this morning and I hated to admit it, but I missed it. It was an essential piece of him that had grown dull until now.

“I guess that means I win.” He said under his breath, but loud enough I could still hear him.

“You planned this.” I leveled him, letting my mind wander with what plan he could have possibly concocted during the day. Was it all a ruse to get closer? Or just some act of the universe for the second time today. Someone is trying to tell me something, I just know it.

Chris drew closer, dragging his hand across the edge of the table on his way over and not denying a thing. He was walking slowly, like he was waiting for me to say something that would indicate I didn’t want to. He was almost nervous with how tentatively he was creeping along the table. He was watching me to see what I would do, each step drawing closer and closer and he stopped just short of me. We hadn’t been this close like this since the first and only time we had kissed. That fact had popped into my brain as I felt my throat start to close like it does when I know something is coming. I tried to swallow and it came out as more like a gulp. Chris watched my throat go up and down and returned to look me in my eyes.

I got the feeling he was still waiting for me to say something, to object. And I knew if I did, he would stop and back away and I would regret not doing it. The pang of the truth of that statement hit me and I bit my lip. My heart was beating loudly against my chest, it was a wonder he couldn’t hear it too. He stepped even closer, eyes moving down to my lips. I felt pinned to the ground. I couldn't move if I wanted to. He lifted a hand and lighty gripped my chin to tilt my head slightly up to his. Our eyes met, shortly followed by his lips on mine.

It was like being struck by lightning. Twice, since this was only our second kiss. But this one was intentional. It was full of purpose, yet gentle enough that I could feel the raw emotions he had been holding on to the entire day. A place in his heart he held onto to show just me. He was showing me what it might be like, our relationship. Our first kiss had been rushed, flooded with so many emotions it was hard to choose which one to act on. But this…

Chris moved his hand from chin down to my neck to hold me there while we each drank our fill from the moment. He slowly started tilting his head to deepen our soft and sweet kiss while his hands moved again down my arms to bring them to wrap around his own neck. Once they reached their destination, my own hands had minds of their own. They curled into his hair, feeling his curls threading through them. They were as soft as they were that night. I could see myself running through them when the moon took over the sky.

Our lips had started to dance when I felt his hands move down to my hips again, the fire leaving a trail on their way down. They started to inch lower and lower, breaking me from my own trance. I broke our lips apart to whisper against his mouth and shook my head.

“Mm mm. Not tonight.” I let my hands slide down his shirt down to his stomach, then drop back to my side. I had to stop it here before I gave in to what I knew would be a mistake here. Not now, not in this place or in this climate between us. That was a conversation we still had to have, but tonight was not the night for it. Chris seemed to understand and brought his hands back.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel pressured.” I shook my head, more aggressively this time to add emphasis to my next words.

“You didn’t, I promise. And trust me, that day will most likely come. But in a house full of our friends? Maybe not.” Chris nodded with a shy grin.

“Right. I forgot they were here for a second.” He looked back up to me and gave me one last grin. “Well, then I guess this is goodnight.” I nodded, feeling the slight tension of what had just occurred rise. I bit my lip again. His eyes drew downwards to it. It was his turn to swallow hard.

“Goodnight, Chris.”

“Goodnight, Sparkles.”

It was hard not to dream of him.

The next morning began with being awoken by Felix leaping into my bed with absolutely no warning. Besides the mild heart attack and the string of expletives that tumbled out of my mouth, I was mainly left with wondering what he was doing.

“Felix, what the fuck?!”He evaded the question as he continued to laugh at my outburst and rolled off of me. His cackles bounced off my bedroom walls and I slapped his shoulder as hard as I could manage. His cries of laughter turned to those of pain as he held that spot.

“Why did you hit me so hard?!”

“Because you scared the shit out of me! Why did you do that?!” He was rubbing his shoulder now. “You act more and more like the little brother I don’t have every single day.”

“You definitely do have little brothers, you have like seven.” I rolled my eyes and shoved him out of my bed.

“What did you even wake me up for?”

“I just wanted to see if there was someone… extra in your bed this morning. I heard he went to bed with a big ass smile on his face last night and I thought he might sneak up here again.” I peeked at him through the corner of my eye as I stood up and walked over to my suitcase to find something to wear for the day’s activities.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

‘Mhmm.” Felix huffed and plastered the most arrogant smirk on his lips. “Seungmin said he wanted everyone downstairs for breakfast. Something about ‘family time,’ I don’t know. But he’s cooking and I was sent to wake everyone up. Would you like to join me?”

“Like we don’t spend almost every waking moment together? Yeah, sure. Let me put some actual clothes on first.” He nodded and exited, rushing down the hall to jump on someone else. I heard a similar scream to mine, only in Jeongin’s voice this time, and knew exactly where he went.

I threw on my shorts and a plain t-shirt and stepped outside my door to see Felix whooshing past me with Hyunjin in tow, his hair a mess and his own t-shirt ruffled.

“Felix Lee, I’m going to kill you!” Felix’s laughter followed him down the staircase.

“It’s not my fault you’re so hard to wake up!” His flurry of blue hair disappeared downstairs, running towards the safety of whoever was downstairs. Hyunjin swung around the corner of the wall, his feet stomping down the stairs.

I slowly made my way behind them, listening for the others that might be up here but hearing nothing, I continued on my way down. Reaching the second floor, I see most of the boys crowded around the kitchen island and drinking coffee. Chris spotted me and smiled brightly, his cup still having steam coming out of it. I sauntered over to him and placed my arm on his shoulder.

“Morning.” He whispered to me. I smiled down at him and reached across him for his cup. He moved out of the way for me to have a better path and I took a sip while maintaining eye contact. His eyes flickered between mine and the cup I was drinking from, smirking at me.

“Aren’t we missing someone?” I said to the group.

“Changbin said if anyone woke him up today, they would ‘find themselves missing a limb.’ I would rather not know what he meant by that.” Seungmin responded and brought his cup to his mouth.

“Hm.” I thought about it for a moment and nudged Chris. “Should we go test his threat?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” He threw me a mischievous look and we both scurried off down the staircase to find our missing friend.

He was not pleased.

“YAAAHHHHH!!!!” Chris threw himself on top of Changbin, just like how Felix had done to me, and Changbin roared. He sat up swinging, almost knocking Chris straight in the eye. I was a mess on the floor, drowning in my own laughter and unable to breathe. “What was that for?! I could’ve knocked you out!” Chris’ laughter was a melody that sang to my very bones. I was still chuckling to myself, but I had resolved to watch Chris laugh to the side where he had fallen trying to dodge Chngbin’s swing. Watching his face dissolve into pure joy was like watching a flower bloom in Spring; worth the work and the wait.

With another yell of exasperation, Changbin threw off his blanket and began to chase us both out of the room, through the gaming area, and back up the stairs. Chris and I were screaming with laughter the whole way up until we collapsed on a couch upstairs in a fit of giggles. Changbin had given up, saying ‘you’re lucky I don’t do cardio’ and took the cup of coffee Minho was handing to him. Minho was shaking his head at the two of us with a small smile, and I felt a pang on my heartstrings. I hadn’t forgotten what I had said last night, but it seemed he took it very well and was on the way to accomplishing his goal. Seeing him watch me and Chris didn’t extract that feeling of guilt that I thought would rise to the surface. No, instead he appeared as some father figure watching his children pull a prank, enjoying the show.

When the laughter died down between the two of us, we both looked at each other, still breathing heavily. There was that moment between us, when you know you shouldn’t but you really really want to. I looked down to his lips, trying to pretend that I hadn’t been dreaming about them since I fell asleep. I was staring, I knew it, but I couldn’t help but feel the ghost of them again, just above me, aching to touch them…

“Who wants to go shopping in town? You know, get some beach stuff and take a group trip down to the water?” Felix, ever the savior. A bunch of them grumbled agreements. I joined in, still watching Chris watching me.

“Lixie, I think that’s a great idea.”

“Me too.” Chris echoed me.

“You guys go ahead and do your shopping, I’m just going to head straight to the sand and pick out the best spot.”

“I’ll go with you, Seungmin.” Minho piped up from the sink, washing everyone’s cups.

“Well, I’m going shopping. And so are you Jeongin.” Hyunjin gave a look to the youngest, who widened his eyes and threw up his hands.

“Well, I’m going with Minho and Seungmin.” Han proclaimed. “I need to work on my tan. I’m so pale right now, I look like a ghost. Hey! Maybe we could go see a haunted house tonight! That would be fun!” Everyone looked at him in surprise, shocked that he would be the one to suggest such a thing. “What?! I just think it would be funny to see everyone scared shitless.”

“I don’t get scared.” Minho said with a brave enough face, I almost believed him.

“Oh please.” I breathed a sigh. “Tell that to your favorite pair of shorts from high school!”

“Hey! You said you would never bring that up again!” He shouted over the kitchen island, fighting a smile. I wasn’t fighting mine and shrugged.

“What? What happened?” Han eagerly looked my way. Minho leveled a look at me.

“Don't. You. Dare.” My lips caved into my mouth, fighting the urge. I was almost going to do it until Hyunin called from the doorway.

“Van leaves in five minutes! If you’re not in it, you’re being left behind!”

Hyunjin pulled into a huge shop with shirts with the name of the town in big bold letters on mannequins in the windows. The inside was just as big as the outside with shirts, bottoms, shoes, spare swimsuits, and pool toys scattered everywhere for purchase. We all drifted apart, each going to the sections that sparked our interest. I floated over to the souvenirs shelf that was ladened with shot glasses, car magnets, and keychains. I wandered over to the tower with all of the keychains with every kind of phrase I could think of and got an idea. I sifted through each of them, finding ones that fit each member of my family. Some sort of keychain that had the name of this town on it in the different designs on it that fit with everyone’s personalities, except for one.

I had watched a movie recently that I was stealing this idea from. And when I found the keychain for Chris that I was looking for, I snatched it up. When I had everything I wanted from this section, I peeked my head up to see where my friends were. Jeongin was easiest to spot in the pool toys section, so I wandered over to see what he was looking at. He had found the box of pool noodles and was picking out which one he wanted to take with him.

“I like the pink but I think Changbin might steal it once I bring it with us.”

“Why don’t we get one for everyone? And then just start a pool noodle fight?” His eyes lit up and he smiled wide.

“Yes! I’ll buy them all one!” I chuckled and walked away, watching him try and put nine total pool noodles in his arms and start for the registers up in the front.

I found Chris near the t-shirts. He was shuffling through the black ones and I tried my best to sneak up on him, but he caught me before I could get too close.

“Do I wear too much black?” It was directed at me, and the answer flew out of my mouth before I could put too much thought behind it.

“Absolutely.” He frowned and shifted to the brighter colors on the rack behind him. “I think the light blue would look good.” He stopped to look at it closer, and picked it up off the rack to hold it up to his torso. He looked up to me, asking my opinion. “Good enough to steal.” He chuckled.

“Why don’t you get one too and we can match.” His ears turned bright red, followed quickly by his cheeks. “Or not. That sounds pretty lame, doesn’t it.”

“No, actually. But I’m still stealing yours.” I grabbed one in my size and gave him a quick smirk as I followed Jeongin up to the register

Back in the van, Chris found himself in the back seat with me, giving Felix and Hyunjin the front seats and Jeongin had the middle all to himself. Sifting through our bags before we left to ensure we had everything, Hyunjin was off back to the house to get changed and join the others down by the beach.

Chris had nudged his way into the seat directly beside me and placed his hand on the seat next to my thigh.

“So, is today going better than yesterday?” He asked the window facing away from me. Too casually. I didn’t answer. I just took his pinky and wrapped it around my own, and smiled at him. I was noticing I was doing that a lot more now.

Beach day with the boys was ending with movie night with the boys. They piled on top of each other, blankets everywhere and pillows on the floor made a very comfortable place to lay down. It was a nice final night for us all. It was intermittent with moments where I felt like we truly were a family, so close knit that it was hard to imagine my life without seeing them every day.

We were all spread out, myself, Felix, Hyunjin, Han, and Seungmin on the floor with Minho, Chris, Changbin, and Jeongin on the couch behind us. I was sitting between Jeongin’s legs on the floor in front of him while everyone else settled for their own spaces on blankets.

Once the movie ended, half the boys were snoring in their spots and heads were lolled out the side. I looked around and saw that most of them had passed out and decided that the night was best ended in my own room. Chris caught my eye as he had drawn the same conclusion. We locked eyes from across the room and he tilted his head in the direction of the stairs. I nodded.

I followed him down to his own room, his keychain in my pocket that I had just bought earlier weighing in my pocket. Each step had me giddier than the last. I was more sure of myself since the last time I had descended down these stairs, more confident in my next moves. His back was moving through his sleep shirt, the movements making me want to jump on it piggyback style.

We entered his room, dimly lit by a single lamp on the opposite side of the room. His room was smaller than mine, set with a simple bed and dresser about kids’ height and the closet doors pulled shut. I sat on the bed, my hands in the pockets of my pajama shorts and making sure the chain was still there.

Chris shut the door behind him and turned to see me sitting on the bed. He looked nervous and started fidgeting with my fingers until he sat on the floor directly in front of me.

“Why are you sitting on the floor?”

“I don’t know.” He laughed at himself. “I’m scared of making any sudden movements because I’m scared you’ll leave.”

“And what if I told you I didn’t want to leave? What if I said that I wanted to spend the night with you down here in this tiny child’s bed?” His mouth fell open to speak but he said nothing. Instead he just smiled. “I got something for you today. While we were out shopping.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. But for you to get it, I need something from you first.”

“I’m not sure how I feel about gifts with caveats.” He looked at me skeptically, not moving from his place on the floor.

“Haha, very funny. Wasn’t there something you wanted to ask me on this trip? Something important?” He sat there, his brows furrowed for a minute. Then it dawned on him.

“Are you saying you have an answer?”

“The answer to that question and the question I’m searching for can both be found with this.” I pulled the chain out of my pocket and let it dangle so he could read the word ‘Yes’ written on a seascape background. He watched it and squinted so he could read it. Then his eyes grew wide.

“Really?” He asked quietly, like he couldn’t believe it. I didn’t answer, just looked into his beautiful eyes and smiled. He stared at me for a moment, features frozen in a mix of elation, fear, and something else. “I really want to kiss you right now.”

“If you don’t, I’m leaving.”

He did.

All night long.

The drive back home was as quick as the drive there. We all piled in the same cars we drove up in, Chris and I sneaking each other stupid grins that I was sure the others had to have picked up on. We all decided to meet back at the bar so that everyone could leave at the same time in their own vehicles. Chris and I promised that we would tell Minho together after we had our first date, at which we would be discussing far more things in greater detail. But first, I just wanted to reset myself in my own room back home.

I pulled my car into the parking lot that I was so familiar with, it was like pulling into my own driveway. Until Chris and I spotted, exactly at the same time, what lay waiting for us upon our return.

Minho was already standing outside his car while the others stood just behind him, watching and staring. I couldn’t see his face or theirs. Their parked cars were behind them, still running, like they had barely put them into park before they rushed to see what had happened.

There was glass everywhere. I could spot the broken seats and tables from out here, the sun giving enough light to see it all. I threw the car in park and ran to get a closer look for myself, Chris hot on my tail. We both were stepping on glass as we went inside.

It reeked of alcohol. Like the damage done was fresh. It was like someone had taken a giant hammer to everything within reach. The walls were torn up, pieces of glass broken were everywhere, and left up for everyone to see, were these words written in spray paint behind the bar.

COUNT YOUR DAYS

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babyjakes · 2 years

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learned it from you.

〈 disclaimer: this blog posts content not suitable for individuals under the age of 18. minors are strictly prohibited from viewing, sharing, or interacting with this blog. for more information on this blog's commitment to protecting minors, read our full statement here. 〉

summary | when steve falls under the weather for the first time since the 40’s, you’re sure to take just as good care of him as he always takes of you.

pairing | daddy!steve rogers x little!reader

warnings | sfw regression (daddy!steve and little!reader), mentions of illness (standard cold/cough), reader is sosososo sweet, just so fluffy and soft and cute and lovely:’-)

word count | 1,162

requested by anon | hi!! i have an idea :) feel free to change it up or just get inspo from this!! maybe the reader takes care of her sick daddy?? any of the guys would be so sweet but maybe steve and it’s so shocking bc who knew he could even get sick??? so reader gets all worried and tries her hardest to be a big girl and take care of her daddy 💜

an | hi omg thankyou so much for sending in this request it’s so so sweet especially bc steve is #1 daddy and would just be so touched at his girl trying to help him out, i hope you enjoy friend!!

A concerned frown grows on your face as you listen to Steve’s coughing from the bedroom down the hall. Hurry up, you think to yourself as you glance at the microwave in front of you, a bowl of chicken noodle soup spinning slowly inside on the heated glass plate.

When you woke up this morning to the sound of miserable sniffles coming from the concerningly warm body slumped next to you in bed, your first thought was that the supersoldier was crying. But after rubbing your eyes to wipe away the sleep and taking a moment to assess the situation at hand, you started to pick up signs that things might actually be a bit more serious. Steve’s face was pale, unusually so, though his cheeks were flushed a deep red. His eyes were swollen and puffy, though they held no tears. When he opened his mouth to say good morning, he struggled to make much sound at all. “Don’t know what’s gotten into me, doll,” he had confessed. “Didn’t think I could catch anything after the serum.”

After a prompt visit from Dr. Banner, your outlandish fears of rare but serious illness were all alleviated. “S'just a cold,” the doctor had said, “apparently a pretty strong one, if it’s hitting you this hard.”

Steve’s spent most of the day in bed, you right along with him, despite his minor grumblings about “not wanting to spread it” to you. You’ve been watching various Disney movies, though you’re pretty sure your daddy’s been sleeping through most of them. When you had glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand and noticed it was nearing dinner time, you had gently shaken him awake, telling him, “I’m gonna go see what I can find for dinner.”

Now, you’ve got a whole tray prepared for Steve, with a few slices of toast on a plate, a glass of milk, a new pack of tissues, and even a little vase of wildflowers you picked from the garden. Glancing over at the daisies, you smile sadly to yourself. “When he’s better, we’ll go out and make daisy chains,” you promise yourself.

When the microwave beeps to signal the soup has finished cooking, you’re careful to remove it, not wanting to make any spills or potentially burn yourself on the heated porcelain of the bowl. Adding it to the wooden tray on the counter, you pause, frowning again. Missing something, you think to yourself.

A memory flashes in your mind of a few months back when you had caught a stomach bug. Steve was called away on an important mission for the weekend; he was almost too worried to go, but reluctantly agreed to Bucky’s offer of staying with you ‘til he got back. When he had returned, he burst through the door with a grand bouquet of flowers, along with a little card in hand, a teddy bear printed neatly on the front. “Get Well Soon,” it had said, and the inside was signed by everyone on the team.

Moving quickly so the soup doesn’t sit to cool for too long, you hurry to your playroom down the hall, grabbing a firm piece of blue cardstock from your art supplies, the deep shade one of your daddy’s favorites, you’re sure. Using a thick glittery pen, you write in big silver letters, “Get Well Soon, Daddy!” A small smile forms on your face as you do your best to draw a stuffed bear beneath, making sure to add little bows to the ears, just as your own Teddy has in real life. “Just gotta sign it now,” you tell yourself, flipping the card open and writing your name in your signature swirly script.

A slight pout forms on your face when you realize you have no one else to sign with you, but a bright idea soon fills your head. “Teddy can’t sign, he’s a bear. But maybe I can draw his pawprint.” Sticking your tongue out a bit as you try to concentrate, you draw your best bear paw, a little squeal leaving you as you cap the pen and admire your work. “So pretty,” you coo to yourself, similar to how Steve would if he were with you. “He’s gonna be so proud.”

Hurrying back to the kitchen, you add your card to the tray next to the flowers, doing your best to be careful as you carry it down the hallway from the kitchen to the bedroom. Kicking it open a few inches with your socked foot, you call carefully, “Daddy? Brought you something.”

As soon as Steve’s tired gaze falls on you standing in the doorway, all pain and exhaustion leave his face as his expression softens, a small smile forming on the man’s face for maybe the first time all day. “Oh sweetheart,” he sighs, his voice swelling with affection, “now, what’s all this?”

“Made you some soup,” you tell him, returning his smile hopefully. “And some toast, a-and- and here,” you continue, walking over to the bed and setting the tray down gently on his lap.

Steve’s smile only grows as he spots the flowers and card. “Com'ere, lovebug,” he invites, motioning for you to join him on the bed.

You settle down carefully next to him, eyes wide as he picks up the card, reading the front aloud with his love and pride clear in his voice. “Get Well Soon, Daddy,” he reads as he flips it open, “from Y/n- oh, and what’s this?” he asks, pointing to the little paw below your signature.

“That’s Teddy’s paw; he couldn’t sign himself, but he hopes you get well super soon, too,” you inform him, a soft chuckle sounding from the man as he sets the card back down on the tray.

“That was awfully nice of him, you’ll have to tell him I say 'thank you.’ And what’s all this, honey? Chicken noodle soup, you know that’s my favorite.”

“Was super careful when I made it, Daddy,” you promise, “made sure not to spill or get burned.”

“I’m sure you were, doll. Thank you, this is was so sweet of you to put together for me. You didn’t have to, baby. We could’ve ordered take-out or something- but it does mean the world to me that you take such good care of me,” Steve murmurs, pulling you in for a snuggle.

“Learned it from you, Daddy,” you tell him shyly, his gaze trailing down to meet yours at your sentimental words. “Always take such good care of me, just wanted to do the same for you.”

“Oh lovebug,” Steve smiles, leaning down to plant a kiss on the top of your head. “You’re too sweet. Love you so much, little one. Thank you for takin’ such good care of me.”

“Love you too, Daddy,” you hum contently into his arms, your swelling with warmth as you’re nothing short of honored to care for the man. “Think I get my sweetness from you, too.”

#eun's writing #learned it from you #steve rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers one shot #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x y/n #daddy!steve rogers #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers blurb #steve rogers drabble #steve rogers headcanon #captain america #captain america fanfiction

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chasingmidnights · 1 year

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Stars

Title: Stars

Inspo: A song by Grace Potter & the Nocturnals

Summary: You sacrificed yourself for the soul stone and the whole team takes it hard.

Warnings: Minors DNI, 18+; character death; grieving; sacrificial death; very emotional; angst; Natasha Romanoff crying, I feel like that should be a warning; and I think that’s everything you should look out for. I apologize if I’ve missed anything but you are responsible for what you read. By clicking keep reading you're agreeing that you're over 18 and are accepting that you've read the warnings.

Wordcount: 1,097

When Natasha appeared back on the platform alone, after retrieving the soul stone, everyone was shocked and confused. Natasha just sat there as she held the stone in her hand. She still couldn’t believe what just actually happened and her best friend was suddenly gone. The two fought hard against each other and yet, she was defeated and still here. A tear rolled down her rosy cheek, she didn’t know what to say to the others. All Natasha could do was replay the last moments she was with you. You had bettered her, she held onto you as tightly as she could as she hung there from the zip line cord you had attached to her. Tears started to form in the waterline of her eyes as she looked down at you. She could feel her grip on you start to weaken as she held onto the cord. She could tell by the look in your eyes that you were pleading with her to let you go. She groaned as she adjusted, still trying to hold onto you and the cord. She wasn’t ready to let go.

“No, I’m not gonna do it.” She was barely able to get the words out through gritted teeth and tears.

She watched as you glanced down at the ground beneath us before you looked back up at her. She could see the acceptance that was in your eyes, you were accepting that this was your fate.

“It’s okay.” Your voice was soft and somehow filled with understanding.

She tried to reach for you with her other hand but she couldn’t quite reach you. “No, please. No.”

She hated the way her voice cracked at every word. Even more than that, she hated the way you were simply nodding your head gesturing that it was okay.

“Let me go Tasha.”

She wondered how you were so calm right now.

“No, I can’t. I need you.” A huge lump had formed in her throat, making it hard for her to speak.

A small smile curled up onto the corner of your lips. “Let me go. It’s okay.”

“No!” Natasha screamed out to you, she didn’t recognize her own voice as she screamed.

She couldn’t believe the scream from her, let alone that not even a sound came from you. You had pushed yourself off of the rock with your feet causing her to let go of you. She was sobbing at this point as she looked at your unmoving body on the ground below as she clung on tightly to the zip cord.

She was brought back to the present by the sound of Steve’s voice. She couldn’t bare to look at him, she couldn’t bare to look at any of them. You were important to every one of them, you had helped them all in some way.

“Natasha, what happened? Where is she?”

Steve’s questions caused her bottom lip quiver as she continued to stare at the floor. He didn’t sound upset but she still couldn’t bring herself to explain what happened. A small, painful squeal escaped her as she tried to find her words.

“Nat? You’re starting to scare us, what happened?” This time, it was Clint’s voice she heard, she could hear the concern in it.

Natasha really tried to talk but another painful squeal escaped her. “The price for the soul-” she had to cut herself off and take a deep breath. “In order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love most. A soul-”

She couldn’t finish it, she was thankful when Nebula spoke up. “A soul for a soul.”

A heavy realization comes over everyone at Nebula’s words. They couldn’t believe it, you sacrificed yourself to help undo what Thanos had done. Even the ones who didn’t know you too well like Rocket, Scott, and Nebula felt a wave of sorrow wash over them. You barely knew them and yet, you welcomed them with open arms and treated them kindly. Clint rushed over to Nat and pulled her up into his arms as she continued to sob. Clint felt a few of his own tears fall down his cheeks, you were like a sister to him. You helped convince him to come back and to put up the Ronin mantle. Tony’s voice broke the sorrow filled silence but everyone could hear the waver in every word.

“Did she,” Tony had to pause for a moment. Before Morgan, you were the closest thing to a daughter he had. “Besides us, did she have any family?”

“No, just us.” Steve answered, his voice cracked at the end. Before he found Bucky again, you had taken his spot as his best friend. You’d stuck by his side through everything these last couple of years.

Bruce remained quiet but he could feel his color drain from him before a few tears rolled down his cheek. Rhodey was at a complete loss for words, over the years, you had become close and he admired you for what you stood up for. A sniffle escaped Thor before he started to speak, grief was very apparent in his voice as he spoke.

“If it’s alright, I’d like to put something together. In my opinion, she deserves to be honored like a true warrior.”

“Sure buddy, I think we can all agree to that.” Tony nodded his head as he agreed.

The following day, Thor had everything ready to go just before sunset. He had a small canoe set up with a podium in the middle that was decorated with beautiful flowers. A small group had gathered to honor you. Once Thor was satisfied, he turned back to everyone and gave them a short nod. Tony and Steve then stepped forward and helped Thor push the canoe out into the lake. Everyone watched in silence as the water carried it towards the opening of the lake. Clint readied his bow with one of his special arrows, Thor had asked him to do the honor of setting the boat on fire. He took a deep breath just before he released the arrow. As soon as the arrow touched the cane, it set it on fire. A few moments of heavy silence surrounded them as the burning canoe floated down the river. Once it was out of sight, Thor then took Stormbreaker into his hand and he hit the bottom of the handle on the ground. All but Steve turned around to head back inside, he stood there a moment longer as he watched the ashes float up to the now night sky.

#stars #a collection of one shots #marvel au #marvel fanfiction #natasha romanoff #steve rogers #tony stark #bruce banner #clint barton #thor odinson #nebula marvel #rocket raccoon #james rhodes #scott lang #marvel characters #chasingmarvel writes #chasingmarvel original work

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pizzee · 2 years

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What are some of your favorite behind the scenes details, parallels, themes, or processes that went into creating sudden unexpected guitar solo that you want to talk about/point out?

Ok strap in because this is gonna be a longy cause I love talking ab my writing and I feel like I went a little off my rocker writing this one. I’m gonna work backward from how u asked because I feel like it’ll work better that way idk.

Processes: i always start a fic with one scene, then build the rest of the story around it. This fic though, was very very different. Id originally started writing a megalong, CYOA fic (yea I know crazy right) that I got like 20k words into then dropped. It was shit, and boring. But I didn’t want to waste the material. So I ditched the old idea and went back to my original concept: Jake character study. And from there, I built.

I had a tooooon of leftover scenes I wanted to use so I kept those and made a little outline. Just general story beats I wanted to hit on. Then I went looking for inspo, which came from the usual sources. Kendrick Lamar, particularly the song ‘Mirror’, second main inspo was from an unreleased Kanye song. I went back to these lines a lot for the vibe I wanted, which was kinda lightly melancholy, a little angry, a little hopeful.

Here’s a bit of the planning process

Then, then I started writing. Well, a little before that I picked out the bits of scraps I wanted to include and put them in some sort of order that made sense, choose a story structure that would make sense (this was the hardest part. I was originally going to do completely linear but it was not working, so I went with linear intercut with extensive flashbacks which I don’t think I’ve ever done but i like experimenting with structure anyway so it worked out alright), then I started writing. First scene I fully wrote out was the last one of chapter one, the scene with Layla. That’s actually the least changed scene too. Then from there, I wrote in order. Some scenes like Gena’s diner I wrote all the dialogue first then went back and added on. Others like the trip to Chicago was just all flow time baby. I edited some of the scrap scenes to fit the context of the story, did a few changes, then was pretty much on my way to finishing.

Oh and the title. That was actual the very first thing I wrote for this. I always write titles first cause I’m a madman, and I had this one sitting in my drafts for the longest time. I know it’s kind of the opposite vibe of the fic but I really like it and I think it kinda works. Chapter titles were also fun. I got the Jakob’s Ladder one while reading the Wikipedia page on the historial Jacob and found the themes fitting. The great Chicago fire one I remembered from a project I did in like 9th grade.

Themes: ok another way this story was super different: I actually wrote out the themes. Wooow I know I’m so organized. Main thing I wanted to hit on was that there would be no grand conclusion. No big confessions, no huge reveals, none of that. Even though the fic is long, I didn’t want it to feel big. In terms of scale of story but also how the themes are handled. Plus, it’s a Jake fic. So themes of personhood, self worth, belonging come with the cab driver.

That’s not to say there aren’t kind of major moments. I try to keep most of those in the past. The Passover flashback (and god damn were wendy’s lines hard to write), the whole military etc flashback. I think there’s only two moments of palpable anger in the present day sections: when Jake is half angry at Steven in Gena’s diner, and when he’s half angry at Marc in the headspace gym. I wanted to reserve the present for quieter parts. Some of that good healing in the present from past traumas thematic through lines, ya know?

Little domestic moments are my faves to write, mostly because Im allergic to actual intricate plots, also because I like contrasting the somber tone of the flashback scenes with the more gentle present. (Ah but I’ll save that for the parallels section, and speaking of…)

Parallels: most clear one is between the past and present. There’s a permeating sadness ab their childhood in a lot of fics I read I really wanted to capture, and I wanted it to be kind of… settling in? In the flashbacks versus easing up in the present. I really love making loops in stories, like linking the ending themes to the beginning, but this fic is more of a spiral outward. Things start in one place and circle around but don’t ever really end. Ok other parallels.

His name! The Jacob name story. That section was a segment of one of the Jake routes from that CYOA scrapped project that focused briefly on his name. I’ve lightly mentioned Jake’s Hebrew name in previous fics, or what I headcanon it to be, and when I was researching Hebrew names and their significance, I came upon the name Jacob. Then searched up the significance and thought that’s be a cool thing to weave throughout the story. Something something, the significance of names in defining our personhood and the power of having one and knowing someone’s name. And I like characters figuring out their names. Steven gives him Jakob (Steven with a v, Marc with a c, Jakob with a k), Marlene gives him Jake, he gives himself Lockley, then Jake gives Frenchie his full name, exchanges his name with Gena. And doesn’t give Elias anything. I liked that.

This is a bit of a smaller parallel, but the Jake Reveal and the final scene. I purposefully kept the Jake Reveal vague and short because again, no big reveals or anything was my rule, but I wanted the vibe to kind of parallel the vibe of the final scene. It’s Marc and Steven talking over Jake, picking him apart trying to understand him vs them talking around and with him, just naturally going with him. Them asking his name vs them saying it again and again. That was fun to write.

Oh and the parallel between the locket, the box, and the gloves. Keeping things safe, protected in a locket close to his chest vs a ground box in a city he hasn’t been to in decades that has all of their worst moments stored vs the chosen, physical barrier of the gloves. It’s just protection in different fonts.

Details: can we talk about the box? I wanna talk about the box let’s talk about the box. It actually came to me from this cigar box my mom gave me that I was trying to make into a jewelry box. I saw it and was like, “hm putting things of sentimental value in a box, compartmentalizing taken literally?” I think that one was one of the more obvious metaphors.

But my fave one was the locket. That was a thing I’ve had in my scraps forever and was actually inspired by the lock and key metaphor thing I’ve read in a lot of other fics for Jake’s last name. I loved the idea and had it spinning in my mind when I was writing but I didn’t want to use it like that because something something originality so I was like “Lockley… lock… locket.” and ran with that. And honestly? I really like it :) oh and the poem inside, I’d never read it before this fic but it fit the themes and vibes pretty good. Oh shit and

Boxer Marlene! So I really love the whole Marc is a boxer thing from the comics.I also really don’t like Marlene. Which yea not a hot take but I wanted to like her without like girlbossifying her. So I wrote her as a boxer because a) I needed a way to incorporate her into the story without fucking up the timeline and b) I think that’s cool as fuck. Thus, Marlene Arlaune became a woman from New York who’s attending the university of Chicago and really likes boxing. And she’s real fucking good at it too (which was inspired by comics Marlene learning some martial arts).

The happy endings line came from a tumblr post I think. I don’t remember which one exactly but I read it and immediately jotted it down because it was really fucking good. Anyway, I just wanted to write Layla again, because I adore her, so I wrote that little scene between them. Which is one of my faves.

Speaking of fave scenes, the Passover scene and Elias scene are up there. The Passover scene was pretty easy to write, minus Wendy an Jake’s exchange because I had to make sure my Spanish wasn’t completely grammatically incorrect. That section was inspired by the Lemire run, cause I really like the idea of them running away. And the Elias scene. I really really love it. Idk I feel like that’s the most Jake Jake I’ve ever written. It works ta me. Khonshu was also going to be a bigger part of the story and link up with the themes surrounding Elias and their parents but there was already so much going on shoving him in there would’ve been overstuffed.

Extra things:

- Sudden unexpected guitar solo was inspired by the Fooly Cooly ending song and the music battle in Doctor Strange in MoM. Really love those guitars.

- This was going to be part 2 of a three part series, all with obnoxiously long music related names and focusing on Steven, Jake, and Marc each. I was gonna call the series interior crocodile alligator. No I’m not kidding

- The gym I had in mind while writing that Jake vs Marc scene was the one from daredevil. I love my dumpster diving disaster diva daredevil

- The big tree in the headspace field was originally going to be a massive astrolabe, cause space. I changed it last minute.

- The dialogue between Marlene and Jake in their first flashback sequence was leftovers from a Jane/Valkyrie fic I started before going to see Th4r then dropped after watching it💀

- There’s a little section in the Chicago visit scene that I just ripped from an irondad fic i abandoned. the part ab trying ice cream for the first time

- Crawley was supposed to make an appearance. I might’ve forgotten ab that

- I had the last scene written for months. It was one of the first things I wrote. The last thing I wrote was the final flashback with Marlene. I added it last minute to tie things up a little neater.

- Repetition is my best friend, my soulmate, I couldn’t live without repetition

- LET STEVEN SAY FUCK!!! I think I got that from a fic where Marc was more hesitant to su duck than Steven. I really liked that

- My fave scene: the Elias talk and immediate aftermath in the backyard. It was originally going to be a grand confrontation where Jake gave a whole spiel and proudly proclaimed his name but… him asking for more sugar instead seemed more fitting

- Fave line: "Did you just say the f-word?" Sometimes, very rarely, I make myself exhale sharply through my nose in a mimicry of a laugh

- Fave moment: the “you’re not dodging” bit in the headspace. Kinda broke my own heart there ngl

- Yea there’s a reference to another one of my Jake fics, “quizás, quizás, quizás” in there.

- Yea there’s a Dane Whitman cameo

- Yea this was an extremely elaborate way for me to promote my Jake lockley has a sweet tooth agenda

#moon knight #jake lockley #yea yea sometimes i write #ZAMN I wrote a helluva lot #I honestly could talk ab my writing for days #and fr if anyone has any questions ab anything I’ve written feel free to ask #and thank u fruit god for the amazing ask💋#I feel like an actual writer now wow this is amazing #writing this was actually kind of fun #also I should probably start including translations for the Spanish right? I think that’s help especially for readers who don’t understand #mayhaps I’ll go back and do that this weekend.#OH and this was the first fic I wrote not in the notes app on my phone! yippee!!#I used a combination of this app I was recomended called obsidian and Google docs. really loved obsidian really did not like Google docs #idk why but transferring it to ao3 puts an extra gap between paragraphs??? it’s hella annoying but whatever the editing tools slap #anyway a break between our regularly scheduled shitpost😊#ask. receive🤲

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thegreatobsesso · 2 years

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Share Your Progress Tag

Thank you for the tag, @dontjudgemeimawriter!

Here’s the weird story of how my WIP came to be... ✨

First off, I have never been a writer before this WIP. Ever. Ever ever ever. Even when school tasked me with writing any kind of original fiction I had a severe blockage. I just... could not do it. And when I try anything outside my WIP, I still can’t do it. And no one knows what the future holds, but after this WIP, I really don’t see writing anything else. So, there’s that. 😂

But as for WIPception: My huge group of nerdy friends loves murder mysteries. We played a Harry Potter knock-off murder mystery years ago, which was very fun and very silly. It was like, made for an audience younger than us and featured a totally-not-Hogwarts magic school and a cast of characters that were thinly veiled HP characters.

Anyway, my character was an evil sorceress disguised as an innocent young girl. One of my character’s goals was to keep my hidden identity a secret, but of course since I’d prepared a whole separate costume for it, I was really hoping I’d get outed. I showed up dressed like a nerdy little kid with wonky glasses, an oversized sweater, and two different shoes on. Little blonde bob wig and everything.

When my secret was discovered I ducked into my buddy’s bathroom and donned - you guessed it - a long ruby-red wig, a slinky red dress, and blood-red lipstick. Even though my evil sorceress character was clearly dollar store Bellatrix Lestrange, I wanted to make her my own, someone I hadn’t seen before.

(This was before Game of Thrones, or at least before I knew of it. Not that Melisandre has anything on my girl except the red.)

Anyway, it was an epic reveal. I never stopped thinking about Callie after that, more or less.

I decided even though I’d never written a story, she needed a story. Grace became the nerdy little girl and I pulled other characters from the murder mystery that now look nothing like the original character inspo and almost all have entirely new names. (I lifted “Riley” because that’s just the perfect name, but made everything else up.)

Simon was born pretty much exactly as he is today. I knew I wanted an enemies-to-friends arc with them. I knew who Grace was and also by extension, who Peter would be. And I always knew Callie’s story was one giant redemption arc for a fake villain.

From there, I flailed and screamed and despaired for probably ,, two years straight? There was a lot of I CAN’T WRITE A PLOT and THIS IS NEVER GONNA AMOUNT TO ANYTHING and THESE CHARACTERS ARE GONNA DIE INSIDE MY HEAD BECAUSE I SUCK and all that jazz. Somehow I managed to convince myself to keep writing even when I didn’t know where I was going with it. It’s still the scariest most miserable thing I’ve ever slogged through in my whole life.

Somewhere toward the beginning of the first draft, I figured out loosely what the ending was gonna be. I finally had a conflict - albeit one that takes 80% of the story to actually come around to. It took me... I think over four years to finish the first draft? And now I’m 12/?? chapters into draft #2, still banging away for these people. For Callie. Because she’s a messy nasty piece of work and dammit, she is worth it.

Tagging @winterandwords, @itsthenovelteafactor, @sergeantnarwhalwrites, @avrablake and @authorlaurawinter to share, plus anyone else who’d like to join. I love reading these so please tag me in your reply!

#tw: language #my WIP's origin story #writing #writeblr #inspiration

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pretty-pink-seaslug · 1 year

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God he’s finally fucking posted I’ve been holding off on posting him for over a week I had him sitting in my photos for almost 2 weeks

All my pretty people I would like to introduce to YOU! The one and only~

✂️Sublustro🧵

Finally new art from me! I’ve been wanting to draw more and post more art but I’ve just been so busy and so sleepy— Y’all I didn’t know my birthday month would snatch the soul out of me 😰

Anyways, I finally finished that rattlesnake tailor guy and gave him a name, here’s Sublustro! A fashion forward rattlesnake reptling that works in his own boutique!

I’m still working on his character but generally the characteristics are; Loyal, honest, peppy, and accepting

Now a few tidbits about his design + process of drawing him because I love infodumping!

His design is mainly inspired by Rockin Robin (yes that’s his actual name.) from Sugar Sugar Rune while also taking a little inspo from a glamrock wig in Tomodachi Life

I was debating on whether I wanted to make his main color purple or not because I was saving purple for CrossStitch (Clarisse’s maestro form) but then I was like “man whatever purple is a nice color”

That color ref pic was made specifically because I’m thinking of posting him (and all my other bww OCs) to Artfight! That’ll take some work tho, I’ll have to focus on finishing Crystal, Clarisse, and Ru’s human AND maestro refs, finish Madre’s too, make color ref pics for all of them, make a separate blog to post them all on because I have no toyhouse and don’t really plan on getting one, ALL BEFORE JULY. (IT DOESNT HELP I JUST REDESIGNED CRYSTAL’S HUMAN REF TOO WHAT IF I DECIDE I DONT LIKE THE OTHERS—)

His shoes were originally gonna be just flat platforms, but the spirit of Gyaru possessed me in the middle of the night and made them high heel platforms

This has to be like, the first time I drew pecs and abs that actually look good

My voice claim for him rn is RuPaul—

#click for better quality #my art #my artwork #balan wonderworld #bww oc #Sublustro #bww au #bww madre au #reptling maestro

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morwap · 1 year

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are there any characters you dont like writing that often? im always curious if people get annoyed when like half their asks are the same character

it really just depends on my mood like sometimes i don’t feel like writing ab golden trio era characters bc i’m not as interested in them as i am the marauders or tom or other fandoms but i get requests for them often but i don’t get annoyed i just pass it off until i’m in the mood for writing about them.

i know i get a lot of james reqs but i love marauders era and always wanna write for them so it doesn’t bother me at all.

but i don’t want ppl to think they can’t request the character they want on my character list just because i say i’m not in the mood to write for them because when i do wanna write for them it gives me content to actually produce instead of coming up with a wip that might or might not be something i finish,

like my recent theo fic i had the wip for a while but wasn’t sure if i was gonna actually finish it and i didn’t wanna talk ab it and have ppl waiting since i don’t have a lot of theo content to read rn and once i had already had a lot written i committed to finish it unlike a wip i had but never started to write or had like a layout with a sentence written.

but with marauders since i have quite a bit of content and i’ll come up with a wip and if i don’t finish it it’s okay maybe i’ll come back to that later since i’m not stressed about not putting out something because there’s already a few fics and blurbs i have out and my blog was a marauders blog before anything else (except for fear street) and it’s the thing that interests me the most and that i can come up with things easily.

unlike other characters where i go through a one day theo nott or enzo phase and work on a full fic that i don’t finish then don’t have any inspo for the rest and don’t open the doc until weeks later.

and just when i write i’d rather it be when i’m in the phase of the character so i have the inspo and the motivation and a lot of the times i get the motivation and finish most of the reqs i have or all for that character and don’t get more for that character until days later.

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1d1195 · 2 months

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I would NEVER purposely skip a post of yours! especially Zipper! I love you and them too much to do that!

So Im not on the semester system, it's actually the quarter system! Which means I have 10 weeks of instruction and 1 week of finals! So I will be finishing up my second out of the three in the academic year. Truly hell lol midterms start the end of the 2nd week for some classes.... like today (Tuesday) I had my 3rd and final math midterm and our final exam is this Saturday. Truly insane lol OMG ALSO THIS WAS MY LAST DAY WITH MY HOT PROFESSOR 😭😭😭 so sad about that because I wont get to see that man anymore! LIKE WHERE IS MY MOTIVATION GONNA COME FROM NOW?! and we had our final presentations today and I got a compliment from him and dear god that sliver of praise made me dizzy😵‍💫

ANYWAYS! Im glad you have other writers as a support system!!! and yes! miss fireflies is so kind in general! and it's good to vent especially with someone you're comfortable with!

Im glad you're feeling a bit better about it! It's okay to have those feelings and sometimes you just have to feel them. I think overall tumblr has been a bit "slow" in general but maybe a middle of the week post may help? Like a little treat to keep going until the weekend? IDK either way you know your readers vibe so whatever you decided to do will be good!

ABAHAH OMG WE ARE BOTH BROWN HAIRED AND EYED GIRLIES CONSTANTLY OVERWHELMED!!! truly an accurate description of myself lol you're not alone at least!

and im kinda honored that you thought it was me?! liar is SO ME coded due to the lack of allowing myself to experience good things in life but that's a different story lol like Im about to fangirl for a bit but they did this podcast called song explore and they went into detail of how they made it in terms of instrumentation and all and UGH THIS WAS SO GOOD! i don't think ive ever mentioned it before but I was a musician so learning the details of the composition was a gift! Also if you ever need sad song inspo i got you bc the majority of my playlist is depressing lol

ANWAYSSSSSSSSSS im glad im back too! Hope you're well and that your week is good!!!-💜

Omg I would never think you purposefully didn’t read something! But still, you know I don’t expect you to read everything; I kind of thought you forgot and I sort of anticipated a follow up message! 💕😉

QUARTERS of course! I don’t hear of too many schools doing that so I totally forgot that exists. Well that makes more sense. That’s so overwhelming, V, I’m sorry :( I’m sure you’re used to it now but I would cry everyday so I have no doubt you’re doing phenomenally and I’m so proud of you!!! Omg RIP hot professor. I’m going to miss him 😭 you should go to his office hours if you need help with another class every once in a while just to say hi 😉😉

I would die without Miss Firefly having to put up with me all the time 😂

I didn’t know you were a musician!!! I’m musically DE-clined so I could never but that’s amazing. You have to be SUPER smart 😭 I can sing a little but I’m not good at instruments or composition or anything. God bless.

Every time I think my weeks can’t get crazier, they do 😂 but I’m alright. Excited to do NOTHING on Saturday

Xoxo

P.S. I think it’s cute we’re both brown haired and brown eyed 💕

#💜

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harlowsslut · 2 years

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this was hard cause there’s so many good prompts but please this one: the reader asking jack to attend a wedding with them, to get out of going with someone their parents tried to set them up with. thank you v much!! 😘😘

Best Of Friends

A/N: I know i say this about every story i do but this one is actually my favorite one. Thank you for requesting this<33. Oh also this is the inspo for your dress to the wedding. link

Word Count: 1,807

Bestfriend!Jack Harlow x reader

Summary: Your mom set you up with your neighbor to be your date to a wedding. But your not interested in him so you get Jack to go with instead.

Warnings: Cursing, mostly fluff:)

——————————————————-------------------------------------

“Mom..No” “Why? You haven’t even given him a chance.” “I don’t have too. I’ve told you, dad, and him that im not interested” you sighed rubbing your temple. Your mom and dad have been trying to get you to date your neighbor, Oliver. He was the same age as you, had a job, and got good grades in school.

But you just weren’t interested, he wasn’t your type. “Well it’s to late we already asked him to be your date to Hannah’s wedding and he said yes” she responded finishing up making her coffee. Hannah was your aunt. “WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT?” you yelled. “DO NOT CURSE AT ME”.

Right at that moment Jack walked in. “Am i interrupting something orr” he asked. “No your not…lets go” you exclaimed grabbing your book-bag and house keys. “Oh ok, Later Mrs. P” Jack called to your mom walking out the door. You got into Jack’s car and turned the radio all the way up.

“Nope” Jack yelled over the music. “No music until you tell my why i could hear you and your mom screaming from the doorway” “She invited Oliver to Hannah's wedding as my date without even asking me” you groaned. “Your neighbor?” “No my long lost brother, of course my neighbor you dingus” you exclaimed. “Damn sorry” he whispered. “Ya ya hurry up were gonna be late” you laughed. Jack was your best friend. You have known each other since the first grade when you invited him to your birthday party, and now you were juniors in high school. Your parents didn’t like Jack at all when you were younger, like every chance they had to keep you two apart they took.

Eventually you guys got to school and Jack parked in his designated spot. It was cool cause the school let you paint your parking spot, so you and jack spent 2 weeks in the hot sun and painted it. “You know you could always just take me to the wedding” Jack said walking down the hallway. “I could…but my mom would kill me” “So just lie” “Good idea…i’ll think about” you answered. “Ok…you still coming to the game?” “Wouldn’t miss it” you answered doing the secret handshake you and him made up in 5th grade. And you guys went to your classes. After a few hours it was lunch and you had to find Jack. Eventually you found him sitting with his teammates at a lunch table way in the corner of the cafeteria.

“Jack i need you for a sec” you said. But not before saying hi so his teammates. “Ight, i’ll be back guys” he said. You pulled him into a empty classroom. “I need ten dollars” “What the- why?” “Cause ima bribe Oliver to say he’s busy the day of the wedding so you can go instead” “Ohhhh- that’s smart mamma’s” “Uh huh- the money Jackman” “Oh right, i want this back by the way” he exclaimed handing you the ten dollar bill. “We’ll see- bye love you” you yelled. Jack sat back down at the table. “What was that about” his teammate Archer asked.

“Oh nun she just needed some money” “This is like the 3rd time this week” “And?” Jack asked confused. “Seems like she’s using you” Archer mumbled. Jack just stared at him. “We’ve known each other since first grade. I think i’d know if i was being used so shut the fuck up” Jack replied getting up from the table. It was the end of the school day and you were waiting for Jack in his car. After a few minutes he got in. “Hey, what took you so long?” you asked looking up from your phone. “Nun just talking to coach” “Oh ok” you responded.

“So i was thinking i have enough time before your game to go talk with Oliver and see if he’ll take the….”. The whole time Jack wasn’t even listening. He was still thinking about what Archer had said, “where you using him?”. “And then after i was hoping you would come dress shopping with me” you finished. “Jack…JACK” you yelled. “Hmmm” “Were you listening?” you asked. “Of course i was” “Uh huh” you mumbled. After awhile you arrived at your house.

“I’ll see you in a bit Jackman, and don’t worry about your game you’ll do great like you always do” you said. “Thanks, love you” “Love you to” you called from your door. “Love who?” your mom called from the couch. “Suddenly i can’t remember” “Haha- I thought me and your dad told you to stop talking to him” “And i said no”

you yelled from the top of the stairs. You got to your room and it was a mess. You couldn't even see the floor with the amount of clothes on it. "I'll clean this later" you said for the 4th time this week. You were in your room rummaging for something to wear for about 20 minutes.

It wasn't to hot but it wasn't to cold. You decided on a white crop top, some biker shorts and your black converses. "MOM WHERE ARE MY SUNGLASSES" you yelled from the front door. "BY YOUR CAR KEYS" "K FOUND THEM LOVE YOU BYE" you yelled grabbing your keys as well. You were heading to Jacks game but first had to talk with Oliver. You knocked on the door and he instantly answered. "Hey Y/N" "Hi um so i know my mom set you up to be my date to my aunts wedding, but i was wondering if you could reconsider?" you asked sternly. "And why would i do that?" he answered.

"Cause i'll give you ten dollars" "I don't need money" he laughed. "Well what do you want then?" you asked getting irritated. He stood there thinking. "You have to be my date to prom" he demanded. "Fineee" you whined. "Great!" he said happily closing the door. You were a little late to Jacks game but when were you not. You saw Urban standing by the coaches.

"Hey Urb" "Sup!" "What's the score?" "6-0" "We the 6 or 0?" "Six" he laughed. "Oh- what position is Jack?" "Goalie" "I thought he couldn't play that cause his wrist?" you said in a worried tone. "Guess he's fine i don't know" he said trying to focus on the game. "Ya ok" you said walking over to where the cheerleaders were to mingle. By halftime the score was 15-9. You left a little before to go get something from the concession stand. They didn't have anything you wanted. Just candy and bags of chips. On your way back to the field you ran into your ex-bestfriend Ava.

The reason she was your ex was because she tried to destroy yours and Jacks friendship. She started rumors about you and talked behind your back. Just so she could shoot her shot at Jack. "Hey Y/N" she called. You walked right past her not saying a word. You stayed with the cheerleaders for the rest of the game. You were about to go talk with Jack but then your mom texted you and she sounded mad. You could tell cause they were in all caps and she called you right after.

Jack saw you leave and was confused but he knew it was for a good reason and that you would tell him later. You got home and your mom immediately yelled at you. "So Oliver just called me and said he couldn't make it to the wedding...wanna tell me what that's about" "i don't know maybe he couldn't make it" "He can i checked his schedule" she said proudly. "Wow stalker much" you laughed. "I know you told him to say he couldn't make it or bribed him" “Why would i ever do that…i wanted to go with Oliver so bad” you called walking to your room.

A Few Weeks Later…

“No. You have to be kidding me” you groaned looking thru your suit case. “What happened?” Jack called from the bathroom while brushing his teeth. “I don’t have my fucking dress” “We can just go get another one…im sure there's some good stores” Jack responded. “I mean yea but its not the same…and i would have to have Hannah approve” you groaned putting on a sweatshirt and sweats on. You and Jack went out to a couple stores some had cute ones but Hannah didn’t approve. But you were on your last store and found the perfect one. It was a (the link in the A/N) spaghetti strap type dress with a slit from the upper thigh all the way down. So you sent a pic to Hannah and she said she was fine with it.

“Mission accomplished. And i packed a pair of black heels too” you said celebrating. Bye the time you got back to the hotel it was almost time for the wedding. You put on the dress and hugged your body so well, like it was made for you. You walked out of the bathroom and Jack just stared at you. “Yes Jack?” you asked waving your hand in front of his face. “Huh? Yea no im good…but like wow” he laughed. “You literally look stunning” he exclaimed admiring you. “Thanks” you answered looking for your earrings.

You will say Jack and a suit are two things you didn’t know you needed to see. You got to the venue and it was beautiful. You congratulated Hannah and her now husband, mingled with the other guests, and just had a good time. A few hours before the wedding was over they played a slow song and asked everyone with a partner to get on the dance floor. So you were gonna ask Jack but couldn’t find him. Then remembered hearing him say he was gonna step outside. So you walked outside and saw him sitting on a bench watching the sunset.

“Hey” “Hey!”. You sat there for a few just embracing the silence. “Y/N…can i ask you a question” “Sure what’s up?” you asked moving your eyes from the view to Jack’s eyes. “Are you using me?” “What?” “Are you using me?…like for money and stuff” he said raising his voice a little. “Jack no why would you think that. We’ve know each other since 1st grade.” you exclaimed. You grabbed both of his cheeks in your hands an looked into his eyes. “I promise you i am not using you, never have and never will” you said. Jack just sat there looking into your eyes.

And in that moment he didn’t understand how in love he was with you until now. He looked back at your eyes then your lips then your eyes, and kissed you. You didn’t back away or try to stop it. You’ve always loved Jack but didn’t know how to tell him. <333

#jack harlow fluff #jack harlow #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow fanfic #aww <3 #my heart #love you anon #thanks anon!#writing prompt #harlowsslut

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leviathans-watching · 3 years

Text

the older brothers calling you clingy

angst, drabble, hcs, fluff, hurt/comfort, making up, gn reader

rated t

warnings: fighting, arguing, yelling, minor violence, unkind words, crying, overwhelming emotions, some minor sexual comments/jokes

includes: lucifer, mammon, levi

PT 2

wc: 3.6k

prompt inspo: @kybabi’s haikyuu hcs

lmk if tags/warning need to be updated. hope you enjoy! please like, reblog, comment/review💖

lucifer:

he was tired, had a migraine, and still had several reports to do. his workload was overwhelming sometimes, but hey, he did what he had to do, even if it meant never getting any time to relax. who could relax in a zoo like tHL anyway?

you had come in, wearing pajamas- a pair of sweats and one of the only t-shirts he owned, expression warm. you took him in, eye bags and rumpled clothes, pursing your lips.

“lucifer, why don’t you stop for the night?” you asked, placing a hand on his arm. “it’s late, and i know you’re tired.”

“i have to finish this, sorry,” he turned back to his reports, gently shrugging your hand off.

“you’ll have time in the morning,” you pressed, and he sighed, rubbing his temples. why couldn’t you just leave him alone? he had been doing things this way for hundreds of years, and it worked for him.

“at least take a break? please?” you kept staring at him with that open expression, weakness vulnerability clear in your eyes.

his head was pounding, and looking at you meant looking towards the light, which was not a good idea.

“can you go? you’re smothering me!” he bit out viciously. “if i had known you were going to be so clingy...” he trailed off, scowl deepening.

“oh.” your voice was unsteady, and for a small moment he felt a little bad before brushing it away. you were being so bothersome. couldn’t you see he had actual responsibilities? “i guess i’ll just go then. i wasn’t aware i was such a nuisance.”

you shut the door behind yourself softly, which was almost worse than slamming it would have been.

shaking his head, lucifer tried to go back to work. the words though, they just blurred together, a mess of ink on the page. maybe... maybe you were right.

sighing, he cleaned up for the night, shutting off the lights in his office. making his way to his room, he noticed the door ajar, lamp on. you weren’t there, leaving the room empty.

he hesitated, carefully walking to your room. it was quiet, but he could hear the telltale sounds of someone moving around. whatever.

changing into his own silk pajamas, lucifer kept looking at the door. of course, you didn’t walk in.

on his bedside table was a glass of water and some painkillers. trying not to think about it, he took them, sliding under the covers. the bed seemed awfully big without you in it.

it had been a while since he had slept alone.

everything will be fine in the morning. he told himself, but sleep didn’t come for a long time.

in the morning, he woke up cold. your side of the bed was still unused, and vaguely he remembered you trying to get him to come to bed and him refusing.

when he came down the stairs for breakfast, he saw you look down and away, avoiding eye-contact. you must have still been mad from last night or something.

breakfast was awkward and quiet. the tension between you and lucifer was palpable, throwing everything off. mammon and satan kept glaring at him while you picked at your food, hardly responding to the poorly-kept conversation.

"mc, it’s time for us to get ready to go,” he reminded you, picking up his dishes. you accompanied him in the morning, waiting in the council room while he did his morning duties.

“i’m gonna walk in with asmo today, actually,” you replied, looking at him for the first time that morning. you also looked tired, and your eyes were a bit puffy. maybe from the lack of sleep?

lucifer fumbled. “oh.”

the rest of the table exchanged unsure looks.

clearing his throat, lucifer stood, brushing imaginary crumbs off of his uniform. “i’ll be off, then.”

you nodded at him, giving him a closed mouth smile, lips pressed tightly together. lucifer felt even more confused, because it didn’t seem like you were mad at him, so why were you acting this way?

as the day went on, it didn’t get better. you didn’t sit with him at lunch, nor did you walk home together.

it made him uncomfortable, like his skin was too tight. you usually soothed that feeling just with your presence, but not today.

you weren’t there for dinner, claiming simeon and luke had invited you over, meaning your empty chair was right in front of him, a harsh reminder of whatever was going on.

“the hell did you do?” mammon asked, and lucifer scowled. the question wasn’t even angry, but more... pitying. mammon, of all people shouldn’t pity him.

“i- i don’t know,” lucifer answered honestly. “we had an argument last night, i think, but i don’t know why they’re being so distant.”

“you think?” belphie asked pointedly.

“they wanted me to come to bed. i still had work to do.”

“and you’re sure you didn’t snap and say something cruel?” asmo asked, brow furrowing. “you have a tendency to be harsh when you’re feeling overworked or have a headache.”

the table was quiet for the rest of the meal, lucifer turning over asmo’s words again and again. had he said something?

heading to his study, lucifer tried to bury himself in his work, but he was painfully aware you still hadn’t returned, you still weren’t home.

sighing, he placed his pen down.

he just wanted to go to bed, with you. he was still exhausted, and really just needed you there, needed to hold you.

he heard footsteps in the hall, recognizing your gait. you paused outside of his study door before turning around, presumably heading towards your room.

after a moment, he stood.

your door was shut, so he knocked, waiting on a reply.

“yes?”

“may i come in?”

a pause, then, “if you want.”

slowly, lucifer opened the door. you were sitting at your desk, facing away from him.

“will you come to bed with me?” he swallowed his pride, adding a “please?”

you looked over at him. “you want me to?”

“yes, of course, dearest.”

you let out a little laugh, but it didn’t really sound like a laugh. “of course he acts like i’m ridiculous for thinking he doesn’t want me to,” you muttered.

“y/n,” he plead. “i am sorry, for whatever i said last night. i was not feeling well and unfairly took it out on you.”

apologizing was still pretty new for him, you both had been working on communication and you had shown him how important apologizing was.

“you don’t remember?” you asked, and ruefully, lucifer shook his head.

“whatever it was, it appears i’ve hurt you. i did not intend to.”

“you called me clingy.”

“what?” lucifer would like to say the memory began filtering back in, but it didn’t.

“dearest, i am so sorry. you’re never clingy, i’m just a, and pardon my french, work-obsessed asshole. i fully understand why you would not want to sleep with me tonight.”

“idiot.” tears were brimming in your eyes. “of course i want to sleep with you. sleeping alone last night was torture. i was just trying not to be clingy today.”

“don’t ever feel like you have to change for me, dearest. you are perfect and were just caring about me last night. my actions were inexcusable and-” you stopped him, standing up.

“none of that. you’re sorry for saying what you said and i’m sorry for avoiding you instead of addressing the problem. now, let’s go to bed.”

“yes, dearest,” lucifer agreed, following you back to his room. you got ready for bed, brushing your teeth and sliding into bed. he followed shortly after, and you gave him a chaste before turning of the lamp.

settling against him, you threw an arm over luficer’s waist, pulling him close. he wrapped his arms around you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “goodnight, dearest,” he whispered into the dark, feeling your beath puff against his collarbone. “i love you.”

“love you too,” you hummed, breath evening out as you fell asleep. lucifer followed soon after, feeling better than he had all day. he had you, and everything was well.

mammon:

mammon grinned, tongue running over his sharp teeth. tonight was going to be a good night, he could feel it.

scanning the table in front of him, he took note of everyone he’d be playing with, a few familiar faces, but no one he really knew. good.

the cards were dealt. mammon picked his up, masking his emotions. a decent hand, but not anything to win big on. nothing he couldn’t handle.

placing his bets, mammon asked for two new cards, using the movement to slip an ace out of his sleeve. perfect.

the second rounds of bets were placed, a demon on his right placing a large amount. more for mammon in the end.

he was last to reveal his hand, which allowed him to make sure there weren’t four aces present. getting caught with that extra ace would be a bad move. thankfully, he was good.

placing his cards on the table slowly, deliberately, mammon watched everyone’s faces fall. he was good for the money.

you dodged between demons, ignoring the leers you were given. sure, it was dangerous for you to be out with no protection, but you were a lot more capable than when you first arrived.

spotting mammon, his white hair a dead give-away, you headed towards him, watching as he smirked, pulling the pile of money towards himself. of course he was gambling.

the others at the table frowned, and you say them exchanging looks. that wasn’t good. ‘

“mammon,” you called. “time to go.”

his head snapped up, eyes immediately finding yours. you kept walking towards him, only stopping when you were right across the table.

“can’t ya see i’m busy?” he responded. “and i’m gettin’ a good haul, see?” gesturing to the pile of grimm, he looked up, trying to gauge your reaction.

you weren’t impressed.

“good for you. now pack it up. it’s a school night.” crossing your arms, you stared him down. technically, you could use the pact to get him to comply, but you felt weird controlling them without their consent.

mammon rolled his eyes, trying to act tough for the people he was playing with. “don’t care. ya shouldn’t be here, anyway. what if lucifer found out ya were out alone?”

“i think lucifer’d be more pissed if he knew you were here right now, so you really have no room to talk.”

leaning back in his chair, mammon raised an eyebrow at you. “just leave, babe. ya humans are so irritating. so damn clingy.”

you scoffed, raising an eyebrow. “the hell you just say to me?”

mammon had no room to back down, not in the situation he was in. “what, hard of hearing now, babe? i said yer clingy.”

your shoulders slumped, voice growing small. “you think i’m clingy?”

“uh,” mammon stuttered. the table watched on, a mix of concern and amusement.

straightening up, fire in your eyes, you ticked off different instances he had need you. “so i was clingy when i helped you down from hanging in the main hall? so i was clingy when i picked you up from the fall? i was clingy when i volunteered to work that shift at hell’s kitchen with you even though the pay sucks? or when-”

“babe,” mammon hissed, sounding a bit desperate.

marching around the table, you pointed at him. “call me clingy one more time!”

silence.

“mc,” mammon whined. “yer makin’ a scene!”

“if you didn’t want me to make a scene, you shouldn’t have called me clingy.” shrugging, you offered no mercy. “now let’s go. you have a quiz tomorrow.”

“can i…” mammon trailed off, eyes on the grimm he had won.

“yes, you can keep the money. why wouldn’t i let you keep the money. after all, you’re going to use that money to take me on a nice date to make up for calling me clingy, right?”

“right,” mammon agreed reluctantly, scooping the coins into a bag. “that’s exactly what i was gonna do with it.”

offering a smile to the rest of the table, you pulled mammon away, linking your arm in his.

“let’s not do this again, ok?” you looked over at him.

“yeah, sorry,” mammon agreed. “though i gotta say…”

“hmm?” you questioned idly as you pushed through the doors, finally outside. the night air felt good.

“seeing you all angry really turned me on.” there was a smirk in mammon’s voice, no shame about the words he was saying.

“mammon!” you chastised. “don’t say things like that!”

“ok, ok, i’ll just think them.” he nodded. “got it.”

too tired to argue (it was a school night for you as well) you just rolled your eyes fondly.

“ah, mc, i see you found mammon.” lucifer was waiting in the front hall, still dressed in his school uniform.

“yep!” you gushed. “he was planning ou next date and lost track of time! isn’t that sweet?”

“uh,” lucifer looked between the two of you. “i guess since you weren’t doing anything too bad i’ll let you off. just don’t do it again.”

“righto, bossman,” you called, leading mammon down the hall. “i’ll make sure of it!”

as soon as the two of you were out of earshot, you dissolved into giggles.

“bossman?” mammon questioned, chuckling.

“i dunno, just felt like the right thing to say,” you said through your own laughter. “now c’mon, let's get to bed.”

“i love you so much,” mammon declared. “never change. you’re absolutely perfect.”

“even if i’m being clingy?” you teased

“please,” mammon pulled you into a hug, smacking your cheek with a messy and warm kiss. “we all know i’m the clingy one in this relationship.”

“true,” you acknowledged.

“yer not s’posed to agree with me,” mammon protested. you laughed, pulling him into his room and onto his bed, where you lay in a tangle.

“hey, you said it, not me.”

“rude.” mammon turned his head away from you, pouting.

“i love you and your clingyness, so don’t worry about it,” you reassured him. “but we really have to go to sleep.”

levi:

levi tore the wrapping off of his newest game, ruri-chan☆ magical girls: at the beach!. he had been waiting on this for months, and now that it was finally here he planned to lock himself in his room.

maybe it would help take his mind off of what he saw earlier.

you were laughing with simeon, eyes sparkling. levi thought he was the only person who should make your eyes sparkle like that. the familiar feeling of jealousy coiled in his gut, burning red-hot.

turning around and stalking away, he didn’t see how your eyes followed him.

placing the disk into his console, levi settled into his chair, tail flicking agitatedly. it was ok. ruri-chan would always be there for him.

putting his headset on, levi got into the game, letting the world melt away.

you hummed to yourself, heading to levi’s room. he had missed dinner, so you decided to wait on eating, preferring to eat with him.

trying to balance both plates, you went to open the door, but found it locked. he probably just got a new game and didn’t want to be interrupted. not unusual. and anyway, you were always the exception to that.

knocking, you waited. no reply.

you knocked again, shifting. when you still weren’t let in you crouched down, setting the plates on the ground so you could get to your d.d.d. picking his contact, you called him. you could hear his phone ringing from in his room, but he didn’t pick up. calling again, you also knocked, doubling your force.

“what?” levi snapped.

“levi, it’s me,” you called, picking up the food again. a moment passed, then the door was flung open.

“what do you want?”

you were taken aback. his demon form was out and his eyes burned orange, a sure sign that he was upset. “what’s wrong?”

levi scoffed. “you mean you don’t know?”

mutely, you shook your head, confusion making your brows draw together.

“you were hanging onto simeon earlier and now have to audacity to come bother me! you’re so clingy, always coming around when i want to be alone! i’m so over it! you’re always all over everybody, basically throwing yourself at them!” levi burst out.

“now, wait a minute,” you started, but levi’s tail lashed forward, knocking the plates out of your hands. food went everywhere, including onto you, and the ceramic plates flew into the wall, shattering forcefully.

for a second, levi’s face contorted into regret, but you were already pushing past him, seething, inviting yourself into his room.

“fine!” you started gathering up all of your things that were in his room, plucking your jacket off of his chair, where it hung. “if i’m such a bother, i’ll stop coming around then! but it’s unfair for you to criticize my actions when you act like such a child! you’re insecure with yourself which leads to a lack of trust! you think you’re not good enough which makes you constantly search for evidence to support that line of thinking. you blow everything up, making me the bad guy, and i’m sick of it!”

looking around and not seeing anything else of yours, you pushed past him again, ignoring his dumbfounded expression. “have fun with your precious ruri-chan.”

stomping down the hall, you mindlessly made your way to the kitchen, where asmo was sitting with beel, who was having some cake. they took in your upset expression, armful of stuff, and the food in your hair.

“mc, are you ok?” asmo jumped up, rushing to your side. suddenly, you weren’t holding it together as well anymore, and your eyes welled up.

“what happened?” beel put his fork down, an action you would have been extremely touched at, had this been a different situation.

“i- i,” you started, frozen.

“what is the meaning of the mess in the hall?” lucifer came storming into the kitchen, eyes flashing. it was just enough to send you over the edge, emotions catching up.

your shoulders shook as you suppressed a sob. lucifer’s jaw dropped, watching you cry, as he saw the food you were covered in.

“shhh,” asmo soothed, taking the things from your arms and setting them on the table. “let it out.”

beel began picking the food from your hair and face, brushing it off your shoulders.

“y/n, what happened?” lucifer asked, trying his best to be gentle.

you shook your head. “levi and I got into a dumb fight.”

beel’s hands stilled. “levi did this?”

beginning to calm down, you sighed. “i honestly think this was a long time coming- not levi lashing out, but the fight itself. you know, one of those make-or-break points in a relationship.”

asmo nodded wisely. “let’s just hope this helps levi mature.”

“what am I going to do about levi?” lucifer rubbed his temples. “acting out like that is unacceptable.”

“honestly, I think his guilt is punishment enough,” asmo advised. “he definitely feels terrible about acting so violently and potentially hurting mc.” although you hadn’t explicitly said what caused the mess in the hall, they all seemed to figure it out.

“yeah.”

it had been a few days since you had seen levi. as much as it pained you to leave it like that, the ball was in his court and you had made it clear what he needed to do. you didn’t regret saying the things you said, but you wished you could’ve explained how you were feeling in a discussion rather than yell them in a fight. he did need to work on the things you said he needed to work on, but there probably was a better way you could have told him that.

it was hard not to automatically go to his room. you just wanted to flop down on his weird bed and hang out with him, but you couldn’t.

everyone had been a bit nicer to you, which was kind of sweet, but you just wanted everything to go back to normal.

groaning, you put your head down. there was a light knock on the door.

“yes?”

“mc,” it was levi, voice small. “i thought about what you said and you were right. i overreacted and accused you of things you didn’t do. i’m a terrible person. i shouldn’t have called you clingy because i was upset, as that’s not a good way to handle my feelings.” he sounded like he was reading off of cards, but it was definitely sincere.

“i shouldn’t have reacted aggressively. i could have seriously hurt you and i never want to be that person. i never want to be a person who could cause you harm. i know the pact protects you from me directly hurting you, but the shards from the plate could have struck you and seriously injured you. also, reacting with force is never the answer and i’m ashamed i did.” he paused, and you could hear him take a breath.

“i am insecure and jealous and i promise to work on that. i know you would never hurt me on purpose and were just being your nice self. you make every day better just by being there and if i have to get on my knees and grovel for you back, i will.”

standing, you opened the door. levi looked at you, amber eyes shining. he looked terrible.

“i accept your apology, but this can never happen again,” you warned him. “i’m sorry for yelling at you and stomping out too. thank you for being willing to work on yourself. i’ll try to be better too.”

levi rocked back and forth on his heels, unsure. “are you 100% certain? what if i mess up again? i’m just a gross otaku.”

“see, right there.” you pointed a finger at him. “that negative self-talk can’t continue. now get in here.”

he followed you to your bed, where you sat, back against the headboard.

“i missed you,” you admitted.

“missed you too.” levi brushed some of your hair out of your face. “i love you, even more than ruri-chan.”

you faked a gasp.

“even more than ruri-chan? that’s a lot of love!”

levi smiled, making you smile. “good thing i love you too, huh? maybe not more than ruri-chan, but you know how it is.”

“mc,” levi whined, “don’t do that to my poor heart.”

“yeah, yeah. now want to watch something?”

leviathans-watching’s work - please do not repost, copy, or claim as your own

2K notes · View notes

leossmoonn · 3 years

Text

Play Ground Days

masterlist

pairing - carl gallagher x fem!reader

type - fluff

note / request - “ughh FINALLY someone that writes good imagines abt carl from shameless! could you write one where you two grew up together and you've always been close n stuff and then at some point he realizes he loves the reader and he talks to ian and lip (maybe mickey too bc i love him) about it? (fem!reader btw if that's cool) thanks babe xx” thanks for inspo on the beginning @poesflygirl <3 ,,, carl and you are 16 also pls dont come for me ive only played COD 2 times last year so lmao i dont remember a lot about it, enjoy!

summary - carl has liked you since you two were young, and seeks advice from his brothers and mickey

warnings - strong language, drugs and alcohol, little talk about bad body imagine

————

*gif isnt mine*

“I fucking knew it!” Lip exclaimed.

“Why are you telling us? We’ve known this.” Ian commented, smirking at his little brother.

“How the hell—” Carl started.

“You’re not exactly great at hiding your crush on her,” Mickey chuckled.

Carl’s eyes were the size of saucers. “You knew?”

“Of course I did. I’m not fucking Helen Keller,” Mickey rolled his eyes.

Carl groaned and ran his hands roughly through his hair. “I can’t believe this. Well, secret’s out, I guess. What do I do?”

“Just go tell her you like her. It’s not like she’s going to turn you down.” Lip shrugged, putting his cigarette to his lips.

“Lip!” Ian hit his brother’s shoulder.

“What?” Lip asked.

“You weren’t supposed to say that, dumbass,” Mickey said.

“What does that mean?” Carl asked, looking in-between his brother’s and Mickey.

Lip sighed. “Ah, shit, right. I’ve already said too much.”

————

4 hours earlier: 2:00 PM

“Hey, shit head!” She called out, throwing rocks against the window.

Carl got up from his bed, shocked but happy to see her. He opened his window, leaning against the frame.

“What’re you doing here?” He asked.

She threw the rocks to the ground. “Escaping from my druggie dad, duh. What’re you doing?”

“Nothing,” Carl shrugged.

She did her signature smirk that always made Carl’s heart flutter. “Wanna go and stuff our faces at Patsy’s Pies?”

Carl’s eyes lit up at the mention of fatty, greasy food. “Hell yeah. I’ll come down.”

She nodded, going to the front of their house. Carl ran down the stairs, putting on his shoes and opening the door to find her on the steps.

“Hey, why didn’t you just come into the house?” Carl asked, shutting the door behind him.

“Putting damage on your window seemed more fun. Oh, hey! Do you have an extra bed I can sleep in tonight?” She asked.

Carl nodded. “Yeah, of course. Your dad is that bad, huh?”

“Yep, he relapsed. Super fun,” she laughed sarcastically.

“I’m sorry. That shit sucks,” Carl said.

She shrugged. “Yeah, well, it’s life. Anyways, ready to go?”

Carl nodded. They got into her car, the girl starting it and driving fast to the dinner. As she was driving, humming to the songs on the radio, Carl stared at her. She was absolutely gorgeous.

Her name was Y/n L/n. Carl’s oldest and only real friend. They had grown up together, Y/n living only a few houses away from him. They had met in detention in 1st grade and had been close ever since.

“What’re you staring at?” Y/n asked, glancing over to him.

Carl blushed. “Nothing.”

“Alright,” Y/n sang.

Carl had often been caught staring at her. It was something he usually did from time to time, but now it was more often. He couldn’t help it. There was something about her. Maybe flawless her skin was, how pretty and bright her smile and eyes were, the way she would make him feel secure and loved, something he had never got from anyone consitently.

He never really knew why he thought those things about her. People had told him that he probably had a crush on her, but he knew that wasn’t right. He had crushes on girls before and the things he was feeling for Y/n were a lot different than what he had felt for his past girlfriends. He figured it was just that she was his closest friend and he happened to be a horny teenager, so naturally, he just thought those things about her. But oh, how wrong he actually was.

Y/n parked her car at Patsy’s Pies. They walked into the diner, seeing Fiona at the register.

“Hey, Fi,” Y/n smiled.

“Hey, Y/n, Carl! Long time, no see. How are ya?” Fiona asked.

“Good, good,” Y/n smiled.

“Good,” Carl said.

“Great! Well, get yourself seated and someone will be right with you,” she smiled.

Y/n and walked off to a small booth and sat down. They picked up the menus that were already on the table.

“You gonna get your usual?” Y/n asked.

Carl shrugged. “Maybe. Should I change it up?”

“Yes. The double bacon cheeseburger looks good,” Y/n said.

“Are you getting that?” Carl asked.

“Maybe. I’ll probably get a salad or something. Gotta watch those calories, you know?” She half-joked, putting a hand on her stomach.

“I think you look good. You don’t need to worry,” Carl smiled.

Y/n’s eyes widened. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Carl nodded.

Y/n looked back at the menu, hiding her embarrassment.

Carl complimenting her was something that was rare, but did happen. Y/n never remembered Carl as a romantic type of guy, but it seems that he had developed those traits from having a few girlfriends. She liked that, actually. She liked him complimenting her, staring at her for minutes at a time, the way his ears would turn red when she teased him. She liked all of that.

Y/n would never admit it to anyone, but she had a crush on Carl. She had a crush on him since their freshman year of high school. Well, in reality, she probably has always had one, but the first time she really realised she liked him was in biology when he got in trouble in one of the labs. She remembered when the teacher was yelling at him and he looked at her, smiling at her mischievously and winking at her. That wink had her heart racing and mind go foggy. From then on, she had liked him as more than a friend. Yet, she never said anything because well, as cliche as it was, she was afraid of ruining their friendship. He was really the only one who got her and who never abandoned her. She couldn’t lose him, so she just kept her feelings and gestures to him as friendly as she could.

“Hi, I’m Carly and I’ll be serving you today. What can I get you today?” The waitress asked.

“Hi, can I get the philly cheesesteak with a medium coke and fries,” Carl ordered.

Carly nodded and wrote his order down, turning to Y/n.

“Um, I’ll get the bacon cheeseburger with a small sprite and fries. Thanks,” Y/n ordered.

Carly took their menus. “Great. I’ll have your drinks out soon.”

Y/n and Carl smiled at the waitress as she walked away.

“Hey, so I thought your dad was in rehab,” Carl said.

Y/n sighed. “He was, but I guess his girlfriend got him drunk, then convinced him to do some lines. God, I can’t believe he's even with her still.”

Carl frowned. “What about your mom? Where’s she?”

“She’s going to nursing school right now. She’s the only one responsible in this family, yet she never calls or anything,” she scoffed.

“You’re really responsible,” Carl said.

Y/n smiled. “Thanks, C. You are, too.”

Carl laughed, “Me? I sold drugs on the streets once.”

She giggled. “True. But you’ve really shaped. I'm proud.”

Carl smiled sheepishly. “Thanks.”

Y/n hummed a ‘you’re welcome’. Carly came back with their food quickly and they dug in. Carl and Y/n spent their time talking and eating, spending about 2 hours there as they just kept talking.

“Are you two finished?” Carly asked, gesturing to their empty plates.

“Yeah,” Carl nodded.

“Great. Here’s your bill, pay whenever you’re ready,” Carly smiled and took their dirty dishes.

“Ready to go?” Y/n asked.

Carl nodded and got out his wallet that he had in his shorts. Meanwhile, Y/n also got out her wallet. They both looked up at each other, awkward expressions on their faces.

“Oh, I was gonna pay,” Carl said. “No, no, my treat. I invited you here,” Y/n said.

“You sure?” Carl asked.

She smiled and put a hand on his arm. “Yes, I am, Carl.”

Butterflies irrupted in Carl’s stomach as she touched him. He nodded slowly, putting his credit card away. Y/n and him walked up to the register and paid for their meal. They then went back to Y/n car.

“What do you wanna do now?” Y/n asked.

“Wanna play COD Black Ops 3?” Carl asked.

“Yes!” Y/n smiled. She drove them back to his house, parking haphazardly on the street.

The two hurried into the house, grabbing a seat on the couch. Carl got the controllers, turning onto the playstation. Y/n logged onto her account, selecting the gun she wanted to use. Carl then started the game.

“Where are you?” Y/n squinted her eyes at the screen.

“Right behind you,” Carl smirked.

Y/n turned around, gasping as Carl shot her.

“Fuck you!” Y/n exclaimed.

“Little rusty, huh?” Carl teased. She rolled her eyes. “I’m gonna kill you next round.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Carl said.

“Winner gets to pick what’s for dinner,” Y/n said.

“Deal,” Carl nodded.

The pair played for a couple hours, the game ending with Y/n getting the last kill.

“Good game,” she smirked, setting the controller down.

“I forgot how good you were at this,” Carl frowned. Y/n giggled, “I forgot how bad you were.”

Carl rolled his eyes with a smile. “Alright, where do you want to eat?”

“Hm… Noodles n Company?” She suggested.

“Sure,” Carl nodded.

“Alright, I’m gonna use the bathroom and then order. Text me what you want,” Y/n said, getting up from the couch.

Carl nodded and watched her go upstairs to use the bathroom. Then that’s when Lip, Ian, and Mickey all came into the house.

“Hey, guys,” Carl said.

“Hey,” Ian smiled.

“Is Y/n here? We saw her car out front,” Lip said. “Yeah, she is,” Carl nodded.

“Asked her out yet?” Lip smirked. Carl’s face turned red. “Wh-What?”

“Oh, you’re not in love with her then?” Ian furrowed his brows.

“I… am I?” Carl asked.

Ian chuckled. “Yeah. You always are always happy around her, blush whenever she teases you.”

“And you’re always staring at her,” Lip added.

“That doesn’t mean I like her,” Carl said.

“Do feel dizzy and nauseous when she touches you? Does your heart race when she gets close? Do you see yourself kissing her? Would you do anything for her?” Ian asked.

Carl furrowed his brows. They were right, all those things did happen when she was near. She was his best friend. He also sometimes think about kissing her and being with her in a romantic way. And yeah, of course he would do anything for her. Maybe… Maybe he did love her.

“Oh, shit,” he muttered. “I… I guess I am in love with her.”

And that, ladies and gents, is where we left off. Lip, Ian, and Mickey teased Carl until Carl begged them for real help.

“What do you mean?” Carl asked anxiously.

Lip looked to Ian and Mickey for help on what to say. Little did Carl know, Y/n actually did admit her crush to someone. And that someone, or someones, were Lip, Ian, and Mickey.

“Don’t worry about it, man,” Mickey said.

“Did she say something to you?” Carl asked. “No,” Ian shook his head. “Like Mick said, don’t worry.”

“I… fine. Well, what do I do then?” Carl asked in slight distress.

“Give her some flowers and chocolate. Girls love that shit,” Lip suggested.

“Alright,” Carl nodded. “I don’t know what her favourite flowers are, though.”

“Just get her roses. That’s really romantic,” Lip said.

Carl smiled, “Alright. Awesome. Thanks, guys.”

He decided to get the flowers early morning tomorrow before Y/n woke up.

————

Carl sneaked back into the house, hoping not to wake Y/n up. As he walked into the kitchen, he was shocked to see her at the table drinking coffee.

“Hey, Carl!” Y/n smiled.

Carl’s eyes were blown wide. “I.. uh…”

“Who are those for?” Y/n got up and pointed to the flowers and chocolate in his hand.

“Um… you?” Carl said. Y/n smiled. “Me? What did I do to deserve this?”

Carl knew that he couldn’t make up an excuse. He was horrible at lying to her. So, he decided to just have his confession here.

“I.. I’m in love with you,” Carl said. Y/n’s jaw dropped and she froze. “Wha-What?”

“My brothers and Mickey helped me realise I was yesterday when you were ordering dinner. They told me I should get you flowers and stuff so I did. I hope you like roses,” Carl explained and held up the gifts.

Y/n’s lips upturned in a wide smile. “How long have you liked me?”

“Honestly, probably since we were little,” Carl shrugged sheepishly.

Y/n giggled. “Me, too.”

“Really?” Carl smiled.

Y/n waked up to him and took the gifts, setting them on the kitchen counter. She went up to him and put her arms around his neck.

“Yep. I always have,” she grinned.

“Oh, sick!” Carl exclaimed. “Oh wait.”

“What?” Y/n asked in confusion.

“That’s what they meant!” Carl exclaimed in realisation.

“Who? What?” “Oh, Lip, Mickey, and Ian kind of told me yesterday when I asked for help,” Carl explained.

Y/n’s eyes widened and she turned to the stairs, glaring. “Mickey, Lip, Ian! You better fucking run!”

————

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taglist (crossed out means i couldnt tag)

@kaitieskidmore1 @the-anxious-youth @little-miss-naill @powerpuffluuvv

#carl gallagher x reader #carl gallagher #carl gallagher imagine #carl gallagher imagines #carl gallagher fluff #carl gallagher x reader fluff #shameless #shameless imagine #lip gallagher #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich

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dont-call-me-baby-posts · 2 years

Text

Blacking Out and Breaking Hearts - Chapter 26

Blacking Out and Breaking Hearts - Masterlist

Word Count: 10k

Warnings: Alcohol~~~

Summary: You are a successful musician, trying to navigate the world of stardom along with your complicated feelings for your best friend, Harry.

Alternatively: The one where you have a nightmare and meet a girl called Margot.

A/N: this is a long chapter, so I'll make this short and sweet. enjoy! let me know what you think! <3

Song Inspo for this chapter: Hide and Seek by Etta Marcus (seriously listen to this song if you haven't heard it it's so good)

Chapter 26

Two Weeks Later.

“Why are you going home now if you’ll just be going back in a few weeks for Christmas?”

You looked up from your notebook, attention drawn to Logan sprawled out in front of you. You were both tucked away in Bethany’s office, all twenty of her decorative pillows tossed to the ground so the two of you had a soft place to lay on the hard oak floor. The window in front of you stretched the entire length of the wall opposite the door, giving you a view of downtown LA just as the sun was starting to go down. The sky was a dusty pink, just the same way you felt all over today. It was subtle but warm. It felt just like being loved from afar.

Bethany wasn’t here, she was in “meeting after meeting” with Tom and the like. She had a lot of work to do, apparently. You didn’t mind sitting around waiting for her, anyway. Being here put you in the mood to actually get work done.

“Just miss them, and Bethany says I should take time off now before the album comes out.” You answered her, tossing the notebook you were scrawling in over to your friend. She caught it, lifting it up towards the ceiling so she could read it while laying on her back. “What do you think?”

She squinted her eyes, reading. She read it once, then again, following the words with her fingers.

“You sound insane.” She concluded, shutting the book tight and sitting up so she could look you in your eyes. “It’s good, though. You just sound crazy.”

“I am crazy, I think.”

She laughed, as if you were joking. You tried to laugh with her, your moment being cut short when suddenly the door to the office swung open with a cold gush of air from the hallway. You heard the click of high heels behind you before they suddenly came to a sharp halt. Then there was the tell-tale, disappointed sigh.

“I leave you two here for an hour…” Bethany mumbled. You turned shyly, giving her a small, mischievous wave. Logan cackled, collapsing back into the swaddle of pillows. Her body hit the make-shift fort with a soft poof.

“You should know better by now!” Logan teased her, hands tucked against her stomach in a laugh.

“Girls… come on. All my nice pillows…”

Bethany couldn’t finish moping before Logan sent one of the pillows flying (albeit a small, fluffy one) square into Bethany’s face.

///

Face down in the gutter,

I should stay here forever.

I'm the hole in your sweater,

The splinter in your finger.

Bet you're sweet for me…

You can wash your skin, you'll still find me within

Your darkest dreams.

Close your eyes and count to ten and I will find you.

Every time you lay your head down,

I'll be right next to you whether you want me…

I'll walk on broken glass to get there-

I'm gonna find you in a game of hide and seek.

Moved out to the suburbs,

Two nights in and it just hurts.

I can't shake my devotion,

I'm knee-deep in obsession.

When you think you're free, you'll think of me.

I'll do just the same…

Last night, I etched your name into the basement of my dreams.

Close your eyes and count to ten and I will find you…

///

“I love it here!” Rachel gushed, eyes dreamy and soft. Your parent’s house was already decked out for the holidays (they were the type of people to get in the spirit the day after Halloween), and smelled of cinnamon and evergreen. You didn’t understand Rachel’s fascination as you all gathered around the dining room table, but you could tell she meant the words with her entire chest.

Rachel had been over the moon since you’d arrived in St. Louis. Logan had convinced her to come along on the trip with you so that she could finally meet her mom, though you weren’t sure how much debating was needed based on Rachel’s glee over being here. This was a huge deal for them, considering the nature of Logan and Rachel's relationship. And you were happy for them. Really.

They'd decided to join your family for dinner this evening while Logan’s mom worked night shift, and your mom was more than happy to host.

You wondered if Rachel had ever even seen a house like this. You wondered if she’d ever been in a place like this, one that actually felt like a home. Her mansion in LA was beautiful, but it didn’t compare to this. There was something magic about being in a tiny old house in the suburbs, cluttered with trinkets and baskets of half-folded laundry and junk mail on the counter. You wished you could stay forever.

“Thank you so much for having me!” Rachel continued mewing. She looked so normal sitting there across from you. At a normal table in normal clothes in a normal house. Normal looked great on her.

She’d asked to borrow one of your sweaters when you’d arrived here (A model? Asking to borrow your clothes??) because it was “sooooo cold in Missouri!”, so she was now swallowed in the white fabric of a Justin Bieber crew neck from middle school.

You didn’t have many options here…

That feeling waivored the slightest bit when she pointed out that she obviously knew Justin, and was good friends with his girlfriend. “You guys wouldn’t like him,” she’d said casually as you walked down the stairs for dinner. “He’s not like you guys.”

Your mom loved her instantly, though there weren’t many people she didn’t love right off the bat. You wished you could be more like her. Kind and gentle and not nearly as abrasive…

“I’m just so happy you all are here." You mom was saying as she took the frozen garlic bread out of the oven, turning to take in the three of you gathered around her favorite spot in the house. "Everyone at work keeps talking all about you, sweetie. I’m just so proud. And Logan gets to go on tour, too! I’m just so happy for you all.”

You could already see the waterworks coming. You pleaded with her all evening not to cry, though you couldn’t deny how your cheeks had heated as she continued doting on you.

“Logan, I’m so happy for you, too, dear. You picked a great one.” Your mom couldn’t help but gush, tears falling no matter how you begged with her. Rachel smiled, a perfect smile, leaning onto Logan's shoulder fondly. “The only thing that could make this dinner better would be Harry!”

A hush fell over the room then, Logan’s eyes immediately springing to yours. You shook your head silently, indicating what Logan needed to know. Her eyes shifted between you and your mom, who was none the wiser as she continued talking.

“What is he up to now, anyway? It’s too bad he’s been too busy to visit.”

You shoved a fork full of spaghetti into your mouth, waiting for the topic to pass. You grumbled out an enthusiastic 'mhmm' through your mouthful, hoping that would suffice. Your mom just watched you, though, waiting for you to speak.

“He’s been so busy…” You spoke quietly once you'd swallowed, wiping your mouth. “You know how it is…”

“Maybe he could FaceTime with us later then!” She lit up, eyes giddy with excitement. Harry and your mom FaceTimed more than the two of you did, one of them always asking to talk to the other when you were with them. It was sweet, and so far you'd mostly dodged the questions lately about why Harry couldn't call her.

“Maybe.” You answered, forcing a smile.

In your defense, you really hadn't had time to tell your mom what had happened. Sure it had been almost two months now since it all fell apart, but you just couldn't bare to see what her reaction would be. You were pretty sure she loved Harry even more than she loved you, and she'd be devastated. You'd tell her eventually, just not tonight. You didn't even want to think about it.

You took another bite, wordlessly pleading with Logan to change the subject. But your mom spoke first.

“Rachel, do you know Harry, too?”

God, she just couldn’t drop it. Rachel wasn’t nearly as used to lying to your mom as you and Logan were after a lifetime of practice, and the nervousness showed on her face instantly. Logan kicked her foot under the table as Rachel gaped helplessly.

“Oh, uh, yes! Yeah, we’re great friends. He’s, um, gosh, he’s just so busy! It’s like, ugh, come on Harry! You know?” She let out a snort of a laugh, making a show of throwing her hands up in the air. “I don’t think I’ve even seen him since, like, October!”

Logan cleared her throat, signaling Rachel to stop. Fuck. You could tell she’d said too much when your mom knitted her brow between her eyes.

“October?” She gasped, “You guys don’t hang out more often than that?”

“Oh, no, we do! We hang out all the time! But he’s soooo busy, you know. Uh- I mean... you know.. We talk all the time, though.” Rachel’s face was beet red by this point, clearly showing her distress. “He’s just always with Y/N! They spend almost every day together. They were together just before we left for St. Louis, actually! They’re like, obsessed with each other, totally!”

Your mom turned to you, squinting her eyes. Rachel was really leaning into this lie, a little too much. You wished silently that Logan would have taught her better by now.

“I thought you said he was out of town?”

“He was.” You jumped in, not wanting Rachel to get another word in. “He just got back.”

“You should’ve brought him, then.”

“He’s busy…”

Silence again. You waited, giving no indication of your deceit. She nodded finally, accepting your story.

“Well, next time you come home he’d better be with you. Don’t even come back without that boy, I mean it.”

You mom laughed, and the three of you laughed awkwardly with her. She was only teasing. You smiled and nodded, promising you’d bring him soon. On the inside you were gutted, flesh and blood torn to shreds and only held together by skin. You couldn’t even finish your spaghetti.

///

You were standing on a doorstep. It was warm outside and it smelled like Spring. A porch light over your head cast a soft glow on everything around you, but the space just off of the porch was pitch black. You noticed someone standing in front of you.

Your body froze, noticing it was him. Christian. He looked like the old Christian but was dressed like a devil, the horns he’d worn to the Halloween party literally growing straight out of his scalp.

“I missed you so much." You told him. You meant what you said, standing face-to-face with the version of Christian you couldn't help but miss desperately.

"I missed you more. You haven't called in so long." He answered with a smile. You felt for a second like everything was back how it should be, you, Logan and Christian finally a trio once again. You knew Logan would be so happy when you told her about this.

You wanted to tell Christian about everything he'd missed the last few months, but then his face changed suddenly, contorting somehow that made your stomach drop. Was there something you were supposed to be upset about? The feeling in your gut changed, but you weren't sure why.

"I'm sorry." You told him, feeling as if you'd done something wrong. He looked angry now, so you must have done something bad. You started feeling nervous...

“We should go talk about this inside…”

He’d said that to you before once… you remembered that. You shook your head because for some reason in this dream you had somewhere to be. And for some reason you didn't want to talk to him anymore. But he didn’t let up.

“Come on baby…” He rasped, hands coming down onto your cheeks. “You basically asked me for it...”

Before you could say no he was kissing you. You tried to push him away, but your hands were stuck to the wall behind you. You looked down and saw your feet covered in cement, your body sunken ankle deep into the floor below you.

“Stop it.” You told him, though you couldn’t do anything about it. “Stop it.”

He wasn’t listening. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest. He wasn’t going to stop.

“Harry!” You screamed desperately into Christian’s lips. “Harry, help!”

There was no answer.

///

"Wish you were here!"

You sent the text to Anders, looking back up from your phone to shift your attention back on the conversation being had. You were back in sunny Los Angeles after a few days away, and were instantly thrown back into the usual. It was like deja-vu, you and Logan sitting in a circle of all of Rachel’s friends on some oversized couch at some oversized party. It reminded you so much of the night you’d met Harry (not that you were supposed to be thinking about Harry), talking to the same girls while sipping on the same drinks. You even talked about a few of the same things, like your new album coming out and the girls’ most recent trip to Paris or Berlin or wherever else.

You weren't so mad at Anders anymore. If anything you felt a little bit guilty for even suggesting anything was going on with him in the first place. You had practically begged him to come to this party with you, calling him four times before you even got him to pick up the phone, but he declined no matter how much you tried to sway him. He said he was “too tired” and “didn’t feel good” and a million other things that you half-heartedly believed. You hadn’t seen Anders since you’d left him with that girl at his apartment a few weeks ago. You tried not to worry, reasoning that you went weeks without seeing most of your friends who were in the same business as you. But once more than a month had passed since you’d stayed at his house, you couldn’t help the sinking feeling every time you tried to get a hold of him and couldn’t.

You really had tried it all, aside from barging into his apartment. You didn’t really want a repeat of the last time you saw him, so you hadn't tried that tactic again. You’d offered to have him come over and watch movies, you’d asked him to go out and get lunch with you and Logan, you’d tried to convince him to go to the karaoke bar with you, but nothing worked. He always had some reason why he couldn’t come out. Most of your texts to him went unanswered, for days at a time. You had mostly convinced yourself you were overreacting about the pill situation, assuming he was giving you the cold shoulder because he was upset you'd even suggest he was on something. But you couldn't help wondering...

You remembered how wide and strange his eyes looked, how sunken his face was. He was clearly not okay, but he was probably telling the truth about the pain medication. You had never broken your nose before, so you didn’t know how long you were supposed to take the medicine for… You'd never even been prescribed pain meds in your life, so who were you to talk?

“Y/N?” Logan spoke suddenly, shaking your arm slightly. “Are you okay?”

You had nearly forgotten where you were, your mind slipping away from you as it was tending to do more and more often lately. You smiled politely, nodding.

“Yeah, I'm just kind of tired” You chuckled, adjusting on the couch so that your feet were tucked up underneath you. Logan smiled back, her brow furrowing in the slightest way that said she knew something was on your mind. It was true that you were tired tonight, you hadn't been sleeping well for weeks now. You just kept having these awful dreams...

That, in combination with Harry and the album and Anders and everything else going on all at once, made the idea of feeling well-rested kind of far-fetched for you right now.

Logan moved passed it, insisting on taking shots with the girls “to celebrate the end of the year”. It was only the first week of December, but no one seemed bothered by that as they all cheered and lifted their tiny little glasses to their lips. You threw yours back as well, looking forward to the way you knew your body would be buzzing in a few minutes time. You really just wanted to take your mind off it all, just for a few hours.

///

“Okay, so you take a sip if you haven’t done the thing?” Rachel’s friend Margot asked. Rachel shook her head politely, turning her shoulders toward her counterpart to explain.

“No!” Logan groaned before Rachel had the chance, wagging a finger in Margot’s face. “You drink if you HAVE done it.”

Margot nodded understandingly, eyebrows furrowing in concentration. You wondered how Logan's habit of interrupting every five seconds didn’t drive Rachel crazy... She must really like her if she wasn’t rolling her eyes right now like you were.

Margot was beautiful, the kind of pretty that made it hard to take your eyes off of her even when she was doing nothing at all. She was paid to be beautiful, after all. She had blonde hair, a bit more sandy than Logan’s. Her face was dotted with freckles that danced across her cheekbone and nose. Her eyes were green, a much darker green than Harry’s. A forest kind of color. She was wearing a short white dress that was cut off the shoulders so the neckline went straight across her exposed collarbones. The neckline was lined with delicate ostrich feathers. She looked expensive.

You were sat there across from her in a black tank top and dark plaid pants. On your feet were an old pair of adidas superstars, the same ones you’d worn almost every night on your last tour. You wanted to shrink looking at Margot, who was so effortless with her single coat of mascara and touch of light pink lip gloss. You hadn’t even done your hair tonight, letting it fall onto your shoulders in messy, unkempt waves. Her hair was perfectly curled.

Logan continued explaining by giving a few examples, the models listening beautifully. You wanted to let out a little giggle, picturing all of these family fortune heiresses playing Never Have I Ever for the first time. You imagined what their upbringings must have been like if they had never been to a party in some dingy basement, drinking Blue UV they stole from someone's older brother. It was hilarious to you that they had gone their entire life without even hearing about this game. You watched on as they all sat attentively, nodding seriously as Logan went over the rules one last time.

“I’ll go first. Logan just taught me how to play this so I’m pretty good at it.” Rachel began, thumbing her bottom lip in concentration. You couldn’t help the giggle that actually did come out this time at Rachel’s assertion that she was “good” at Never Have I Ever. It wasn’t really a game you could be “good” at, you thought, but you supposed that was beside the point. Rachel didn’t seem to notice you snicker, dark brown eyes lighting up as she thought of the perfect prompt.

“Never have I ever… Had sex in public.” She posed triumphantly, voice lowering. Her friends all giggled, their cheeks turning red with embarrassment. You and Logan both took a drink (this was child’s play at this point), as well as one of Rachel’s other friends, Kira. Kira had stick straight hair cut right at the chin and eyebrows that went straight across above her eyes with absolutely no arch. She was a harsher kind of beautiful, the kind you see on runways and Gucci campaigns. You actually thought you had seen her in a Gucci campaign once…

“Oh my god!” Margot cried out, eyeing you and Logan. “I can’t believe you guys did that!”

Margot was spending the entire night acting as if she knew you well, making comments here or there that something was “so you!” or she could “totally see you doing that!”. It made you feel kind of strange, but you knew she was only trying to make you feel included. “It’s so cool to have a friend like you,” she’d spoken sloppily earlier in the night. “You’re so… grungy.”

You definitely didn't consider yourself grungy, but it didn’t seem like she understood anything other than pink nail polish and Louis Vuitton. You couldn’t help but feel like she was being a bit passive aggressive with that comment, but you breezed past it. You were sure she only meant the best.

“You didn’t grow up in the Midwest unless you’ve had sex in a Target parking lot.” Logan explained casually, causing a yelp of laughter to come out from your throat. You nodded, knowing she had a point. You almost got arrested once in a Target parking lot with Tyler from Senior year….

“Okay. Well, never have I ever….” Margot paused, no doubt trying to think of a trickier question. “Given someone head while they were driving.”

More chirps of laughter, and another sip from you. Logan didn’t sip this time, not bothering to act shocked when you did as she’d already heard stories from all of your exploits. Kira took a drink as well, smiling shyly at her friends. You grinned back at her even though she wasn't looking at you, feeling silly and vulnerable and willing to overshare tonight.

The game continued for three or four more questions before you heard a mixture of noises from the next room. From your spot in the living room, you could see into the expanse of the kitchen where someone had obviously just entered and caught the attention of your fellow party-goers. You couldn’t make out who it was, and supposed it didn’t really matter. You didn't even know who half of these people were here, they were all models from one agency another, none that you would have heard of. The space between you on the couch and the noise in the kitchen was filled to the brim with people dancing, chatting, and being otherwise in the way. So, you turned back to your friends, (you had decided you had enough to drink now to call them “your” friends and not just Logan and Rachel’s), until you suddenly felt Logan stiffen next to you. Her hand reached over to grip your thigh and you looked at her half-buzzed.

“What?” You whispered, the two of you turning towards each other just enough to shield your conversation from the other girls around you. Logan’s hand hadn’t moved from your leg, still gripping on tightly as if to keep you firmly in place.

“Don’t freak out.” She rushed, throwing a look over her shoulder.

“Okay…” You agreed. You thought maybe it was Timothee again, who the two of you always made a point of freaking out over together when you spotted him here or there at random events. But when she hesitated before continuing, her face deadly serious, your stomach dropped to your feet.

“Harry’s here. In the kitchen.” She finally confessed, looking over in his direction again. You had to force your neck not to turn, staring straight ahead at Logan’s wide eyes.

“No he’s not.” You responded simply, praying to God that she had been mistaken. “He’s in London.”

You’d seen it on Twitter, guiltily scrolling through the tweets that contained his name. The last three weeks since you’d broken up officially hadn’t exactly been a high point for you.

Logan shook her head solemnly. “No, he’s here.”

She released you, backing her body away. She tried to return to her conversation with her friends as if there hadn’t just been a crisis but was only half invested, looking back over at you every few seconds to check if you were still breathing. She was doing you a favor not lingering on the topic, not allowing any attention to be drawn to your conversation.

You just didn’t react at all. At least not outwardly. You turned your body a little more so that you weren’t facing even remotely in his direction, not wanting him to see you or vice versa. You tried to smile along, giggling with the girls as you continued playing your game, ignoring the pit that had formed in your stomach. You were grateful when Rachel asked if anyone had ever stolen anything from a friend’s house, giving you the opportunity to take a large gulp of your drink. Everything was going to be okay. Everything was fine.

Absolutely no need to panic.

You’d been on a losing streak lately. If you thought that it was bad before, the pain you felt the last three weeks was close to unimaginable. It was life altering. Harry had stuck to his word this time, not contacting you in any way, shape, or form for three weeks now. There was no more hoping, no more texts here or there to get you by. All there was now was cold, hard reality. And in many ways that had brought you some sort of peace, knowing you could stop hanging on so tightly to the straws you were grasping. You'd been okay for a day or two after Harry had left your house (minus one break down in the shower that night), carrying his note around everywhere in your pocket. You felt relieved, almost, as if a weight had been lifted. For those few days, it really only hurt when you tried to fall asleep. It hurt the worst when you woke up in a cold sweat, crying out his name in your dreams. That's around the time the nightmares started.

But now, that hurt you had only felt once you laid down was following you everywhere. It wasn't anger or regret or pity, it was just an awful sadness that tainted everything your hands touched. It was an entirely different kind of pain now, one that wasn't self-pitying or bitter. You weren't mad at him. You were just sad it was really over.

You’d been a real pain in the ass to Logan, you were sure, even crashing her and Rachel’s movie night dates at your house. You just didn’t feel like being alone, which is what brought you here tonight.

And that was exactly the issue. This was a party full of models, not exactly the kind you were used to attending. It wasn’t crowded with random celebrities as usual, this particular party containing mostly Victoria’s Secret Angels and their closest friends.

These were, though, exactly the kind of parties Harry would attend. How many models had he dated before? You weren’t surprised he would show up here since you were sure he had mutual friends in this circle. He probably didn't expect at all that you would be here. He must not have made the connection that a party full of models must have meant Rachel would be here, and Rachel would bring Logan. And Logan, by some incredible stroke of fuckery, would just so happen to bring you.

“Never have I ever stolen someone’s boyfriend.” You asked the group when it was your turn, playfully eyeing everyone. Margot was the only to take a sip, shrugging her shoulders as she did so. She was met with criticism from all sides as she began drunkenly defending herself to no avail. If you could just keep playing the game, then you would be fine. You just had to forget about it.

…But surely just one look wouldn’t hurt.

The girls continued arguing as you turned slowly, as if avoiding any quick movements would keep Harry from spotting you. You scanned the kitchen, trying to be as casual as possible before you finally found him.

He was wearing a brown, oversized sweater, his fingertips barely popping out of the bottoms of his sleeves as he tipped his glass to his lips. He had on a pair of plaid pants that looked strikingly like your, and a pair of glasses you knew he didn’t need but still looked lovely on him. Just as you were preparing to tear your eyes away, his own eyes flickered over to you. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. You couldn’t turn around quick enough and so he saw you, eyes peeping over the cushion of the couch you were collapsed into like a child trying to be sneaky. You couldn't even hide the fact that you were clearly trying not to be noticed. His face flickered with recognition, an expression you couldn’t place flashing across his perfect features. Then he smiled, a polite, toothless grin, giving you a little wiggly-fingered wave. It wasn’t a happy smile, it was a courteous one. You gave him the same grin, mustering up the best wave you could. Then, just like that, he returned to his conversation.

You heard the girls start laughing loudly about something, someone apparently making a pretty good joke you hadn't heard. You spun yourself back around and laughed as if you had. Logan eyed you.

“Did he say something?” She asked, leaning even closer to your ear this time. Her breath smelled like orange juice as her lips nearly brushed your cheek, and you shook your head. It was your turn to lean towards her, cupping your hand around your mouth.

“He just waved.” You answered. “I don’t know what to do.”

You meant that in more than one way. You didn’t know what to do about seeing Harry, here. You didn’t know what to do about the stinging in your chest, the ache you felt that you couldn’t force away. You didn’t know what to do about the sinking feeling that had engulfed you for weeks now. You didn’t know what to do about the fact that you knew you would never, ever move on.

“Have fun.” Logan demanded, taking another drink. “You’ve come so far. You don’t need to spend another night worrying about him.”

You nodded, knowing she was right as usual (though you weren't sure how "far" you had actually come). There was no way that he was going to approach you tonight, you know that for a fact. That helped put your mind at ease for the most part, and you decided to continue on with the game. At least you didn’t need to worry about what you would say to him.

Everything was fine. Really.

///

After pausing for a bathroom break and a shared joint on the balcony, the game was back in full swing. You were growing a bit weary of it, but the group of models was having so much fun you didn’t mind continuing. You supposed they were making up for lost time, enjoying the game enough in one night for an entire missed adolescence.

“Harry!!” Margot yelled just as it was supposed to be your turn, her voice coming out slurred and shrill. Immediately you were put on edge, the pot doing very little to keep you from freaking out at the sudden exclamation of his name. If anything it was making it worse, because now you were hyper aware of how you were sitting and how you looked and what expression you had on your face. She must have spotted him as he was walking somewhere, his head turning to find the voice. He had that silly, wide-eyed look on his face which quickly dissolved into a smile when he saw where it was coming from. “Harry, come play with us!”

He froze in his place for a second, a glass of something brown in his still hand. He looked just as uneasy as you felt. He hesitantly walked over, giving Margot a quick kiss on the cheek. (Margot was a good friend of that girl, but you didn’t hold it against her). They exchanged greetings, Harry explaining that he had just gotten back to LA the day before. You tried not to look, eyes glued to your fingernails as they made small talk.

“Will you play with us?” Kira asked. His eyes wouldn’t dare turn to you, and you were grateful for that. You could only imagine how tight you must look sitting here, body stiff and hyperaware. Harry placed a hand on his chest, smiling as he politely declined.

“I wish I could, but I was actually just-”

“Come on, Harry! Pleeeeeeease?” Margot whined, patting the spot next to her in invitation. Please don't. Please don't. Please don't. He pressed his mouth into a thin, firm smile, finally agreeing to sit ‘jus’ for a second’. He never was able to tell people no. You wondered if you were the only one who could tell how uncomfortable he was, his free hand nervously rubbing across the front of his pants once he was seated. The couch you all were gathered on was in a U shape, you and Logan huddled up at the end of one couch with Harry now seated directly across from you. You smiled, actively forcing yourself to look as if you were having a good time, all while avoiding eye contact.

“Okay, so the rules are-” Margot began, her voice suddenly starting to grate on you. The way she was leaning in to him made your stomach turn in circles and your skin turn green.

“I’ve played before.” Harry interrupted with a smile. “Who’s turn is it?”

“Me!” Logan answered, leaning forward in her seat. Harry’s eyes found her as a reflex when she started to speak, accidentally flickering over you next to her for a split second before moving away. Your face fell, momentarily immobilized by the contact. Logan cleared her throat. “Never have I ever broken up with someone in a totally fucked up and horrible way.”

Your eyes widened before quickly recovering as you brought your cup up to your tingly lips. No one else here, besides Rachel, would have had any idea what she was talking about, but you still felt your cheeks heat with embarrassment. You knew that Logan and Harry still texted on occasion and that Logan, no matter how stupid she thought the whole thing was, didn’t hate Harry by any means. You weren’t surprised though when she couldn’t help herself from stirring the pot.

Everyone but Rachel took a sip, Harry avoiding looking at you as he did. He frowned when Logan had said it, and recovered the same way you had by taking a drink. You wondered if he was thinking of you as the alcohol burned his tongue, or if there was some worse situation that came to mind first. Everyone snickered, telling their stories, your mind playing back your own nightmare of a breakup with Hudson. He really was a great guy, and you couldn’t even remember why you had broken up. You cringed inwardly thinking about how you had dumped him in the hallways outside of one of your college classes, tears rolling down Hudson’s cheeks as he walked away towards his Economics class...

Next it was Rachel again, who asked if anyone had ever been kissed under the mistletoe. You actually didn’t drink this time, realizing for the first time that you had so far missed out on that romantic holiday tradition. Logan teased Rachel for her tame questions as Margot told the story about how her football player ex-boyfriend had flown her out to “the middle of nowhere” for the holidays one year, apparently spending thousands of dollars on mistletoe and flowers and gifts that Christmas. She actually was kind of annoying, now that you were really thinking of it. You tried not to be upset that you and Harry never got to spend an actual holiday together as a couple.

One of the other girls was next (you were currently too drunk and half-stoned to even attempt to remember her name). She crossed her legs, her dress inching up her thighs ever so subtly.

“Never have I ever been in love.” She asked. Logan and Rachel took a sip, sharing a covert glance you were sure no one else had noticed. Margot did as well. Harry took his sip next, a sad sort of smile on his face as he swallowed that you were certain he didn’t mean to let show on his face. You kept your glass down for a second, cradled between your two sweaty hands. Harry snuck another glance at you, purposefully this time, eyebrows furrowing as he noticed you weren’t drinking. His mouth made a little frown as he looked away again, only allowing himself a second or two each time he looked at you.

You snapped out of it, tipping your vodka cranberry into your mouth. Harry noticed, watching out of the corner of your eye.

“Never have I ever had sex at a party!” Margot shouted as soon as she'd swallowed her drink, giving Harry a not-so-subtle eyebrow raise. She was trashed. Harry didn’t notice her advance, taking his own sip. Okay, now you and Margot were going to have problems. Your stomach literally turned on its side at the thought of her seducing him, dragging him upstairs to some empty bedroom to do all of the things the two of you used to do together. You tried to tell yourself that it didn’t matter, that it was over now anyway and he was free to do what he wanted, but you still felt a smug satisfaction when he continued paying her almost no mind.

“Y/N?” Kira asked. “You had sex at a party? With who?”

Harry’s head snapped back towards you, as if in fear of what you would say. You laughed nervously, knowing that that was an answer you couldn’t share here. “Just some boy I dated in college.” You explained, cheeks deepening in color. “It was just some house party.”

You made a point not to gauge Harry’s reaction this time.

Logan suddenly leaned forward, propping herself with an elbow to her knee, something sinister in her posture.

“I would ask Harry who he did it with,” She began, her voice coming out light-hearted and teasing. Harry raised an eyebrow expectantly, a smirk across his face. He didn't see where she was going with this like you did. “But he’s probably done it with, I don’t know, a million different people?”

Harry let out a small, sad sigh, as if in defeat. He shook his head as he looked away across the room, his breathing suddenly heavier as a tight frown snuck onto his face. He did the closest thing he could to rolling his eyes at her without seeming genuinely annoyed, turning his entire head away from the snickering around him. Logan really was on one tonight, you thought. She wasn’t pulling any punches, quoting the one part of you and Harry’s fight from the Halloween incident that she decided was “the most despicable thing” she’d ever heard. The girls around him all giggled along, having no idea that Logan wasn’t simply complimenting Harry’s good looks and way with women. You almost felt bad for him now, he seemed genuinely upset...

“I bet he has.” Margot agreed, leaning onto Harry’s shoulder. You felt your entire body stiffen, trying to remain as emotionless as you could manage as you watched this beautiful model continue to throw herself at your ex-boyfriend. To your satisfaction he flinched away from her, politely scooching away as he asked if she needed “s’more room”.

“One more and then we go out and smoke again.” Margot decided, trying and failing to act unbothered by Harry’s rejection. “Never have I ever… had sex in a pool.”

You, Harry, and Kira took sips of your drinks, Logan twisting to look at you so fast her head nearly flew off.

“When was this?” She practically shrieked, mouth agape. You guessed there was one story you hadn’t told her after all. You started to tell the story, the vodka making it so you didn’t too much mind everyone’s eyes fixed on you.

“That summer after senior year, remember how I went on that vacation?” You began. Logan nodded, still in shock. “Well me and-”

“Hudson, right?” Harry finished for you. You looked at him, allowing your eyes to stay on his now that he had actually spoken to you. His eyes were glued to the glass in his hand, swishing the alcohol around in circles. His stare on his hand was blank, as if he was too busy remembering to look at you.

“Uh, yeah. Hudson.” You stammered, caught entirely off guard. “We snuck out one night and we had sex in the hotel pool outside while my parents were asleep.”

Harry nodded, so softly it almost wasn't noticeable, when you told him he was right about the story. He looked far away, tucked inside his own mind. He nodded only for himself, as if telling himself that he did still know you even when you seemed so far away. You wondered if he was trying to make a point, to remind you in some way that at one point he had known everything, every story and every secret. Maybe he was making a point to Logan, who had taken every opportunity to throw the past back in his face.

“Y/N!” Logan yelled in shock. Rachel looked just as surprised, shaking her head at you.

“In a hotel pool?” She teased, grimacing. “That’s disgusting...”

“Well when you have a boyfriend who looks like that, I guess you’ll do it anywhere.” Logan said, letting out a disappointed sigh. “Even in your best friend's bedroom…”

“That was one time!” You cried out, feeling yourself go bright red. Your mind flashed back to the time you’d hooked up in Logan’s bed while she was at work, you and Hudson having nowhere else to go for the day. “And you weren’t even there!”

“It was still a fucked up thing to do!” She countered, throwing back the rest of her drink in one go.

Harry stood suddenly, clearing his throat. He looked down at Margot who was making a drunken attempt to pull him back down onto the couch.

"It's been lovely, ladies." He stated, clearing his throat again as if there was something caught in it. His face was hardened even as he tried to offer a polite smile. "You'll have to excuse me now."

He pulled his hand out of Margot's, giving her a little nod before walking away.

///

Once Harry excused himself from the group, the night started going quickly again. You were proud of yourself for maintaining your composure, wondering as you took another puff if it was only because you were slightly drunk and slightly high that you were able to handle seeing Harry so well. You decided it didn’t matter, trying not to think about it too much. You felt guilty, no matter how much you tried not to, for the things Logan had said to him. You hated yourself for it, but it really did seem like his feelings were hurt...

You just needed to stop thinking about him. You took an extra long drag, deciding to push the image of his frown out of your mind for the rest of the night. It didn't take long for his name to pop back up, however, right when you least wanted it too.

“I think I might try to hook up with Harry.” Margot announced to the group, pausing to take a hit. “He seems into me, right?”

Rachel snorted, taking the small joint from Margot’s fingers. She sucked on it slowly, the end of the joint glowing red as Margot waited with a hand on her hip for what she had to say.

“I love you... but he did not seem interested, babe.” Rachel admitted, smoke spilling out of her mouth with every word. Margot rolled her eyes, not liking that answer. You knew Rachel was mostly saying this for your benefit, but you liked to think it was true. “And isn’t his ex-girlfriend like, your best friend?”

She was. You'd obsessively looked up Harry's ex months ago, after the incident with the Homecoming shirt, and you'd seen her with Margot in several Instagram posts.

“She is, but it’s not like she has to know.” Margot pouted. She crossed her arms, lifting her chin just a bit as she continued. “And anyway, she said Harry’s amazing in bed. Like, the-best-she’s-ever-had amazing. It wouldn’t be right for me to turn that down just because she’s a friend of mine.”

“You can’t turn him down if he doesn’t even offer it to you.” Kira responded, trying not to laugh in her friend's face. You took a breath through your nose, feeling sick to your stomach.

Harry didn’t seem interested in her, right? He pulled away every time she got closer to him... Not that it mattered to you, though.

Harry wouldn't do that, would he?

“You’re just jealous, bitch.” Margot snapped, pointing a finger in Kira’s direction. “He came over and played that game with us because I asked him to. He was practically all over me the entire time!”

“You’re delusional!” Kira yelped back at her, taking her hit of the joint. You watched them in a state of shock and horror, eyeing Rachel and Logan as they bickered back and forth. They looked just as taken aback as you were, eyes wide as the events unfolded in front of you. “I’m pretty sure he only came over and sat with us because she was there.”

Uh-oh.

Kira tipped her head in your direction as she said that, no hostility in her voice as she did so. She said it like she was simply stating a fact. You shook your head quickly when Margot shot a bloodthirsty look at you.

“You guys used to date, didn’t you?” Kira asked, passing the joint to you. You took a hit, deciding on what to say. Before you could even answer, Margot took it upon herself to answer for you.

“Um, no. They didn’t.” She huffed, shooting you one more nasty glance. “I’m pretty sure we all would've heard about that.”

“How do you know that?” Kira countered.

“Because!” Margot stomped her foot, sounding more blitzed by the second. “No offense to anyone… but Harry normally dates, like, models. She’s clearly not his type. He hardly said one word to her all night.”

"Everyone knows they're, like, best friends..." Kira kept pushing.

"No, they aren't!" Margot kept fighting back.

You were starting to regret that last puff you'd just taken. You were way too stoned to handle all of this, not even able to spit out a response to anything the two girls were alleging.

"Yes, they are!" Kira snapped, looking over at you. For best friends, Kira and Margot really didn't seem to like each other. "Right, Y/N?"

Oh fuck.

“We used to be, yeah. But, uh, not really anymore.” You sputtered, keeping your tight expression.

Not satisfied with your answer, Logan put a slender finger up, pausing the conversation around her. Based on the expression on her face, you could tell that she had taken Margot’s previous comments to heart, her cheeks a bright pink and her mouth pressed into a line. She looked furious.

“Actually, Margot,” She began, not bothering to look at you for permission before doing what you knew she was about to do. “Y/N and Harry are very good friends. I can tell you alllll about how friendly they are, if you want.”

Rachel stifled a laugh, Margot’s face contorting with contempt.

“Okay, well... good for her, then.” Margot spat at you, understanding clearly what Logan was trying to say. If looks could kill you would have dropped dead right then and there as Margot looked over at you, her eyes burning with jealousy. Maybe that would be for the best.

“And from what I’ve heard, Margot, he is good.” Logan said in conclusion, stopping to take another hit. “Like, really, really good.”

There hung an awkward silence over all of you for a second before it was broken by Kira’s high-pitched giggle.

“I told you!” She yelled, throwing her head back in a laugh. “He only came over to talk to her!”

“Just because they hook up doesn’t mean anything.” Margot pouted. “Right, Y/N? It must not be that serious between you two if no one has ever even heard about you two being together.”

“You’re the only one here who didn’t know…” Kira mumbled under her breath.

Buy you just smiled, nodding. It felt foreign to you. “Yeah, you’re right.” You lied to her, the words bitter as they came out, “Logan's exaggerating, we aren't even really friends anymore.”

Margot accepted that answer happily, smiling triumphantly. Kira rolled her eyes one last time before heading back inside to get another drink. You hoped silently that whatever Margot tried to do tonight, Harry wouldn’t fall for. You obviously didn’t want him with anyone, but Margot was officially the one person on Earth you wanted to imagine him with the least.

“Well on that note, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go find Harry.” She said, giving a little wave as she followed her friend inside. You let out an exasperated sigh as soon as she was gone, holding your face in your hands. You looked up at Rachel and Logan, all three of you letting out the breaths you’d been holding.

“I promise she’s not always like this.” Rachel rushed out, clearly embarrassed. “We’re really not that great of friends, she’s more of an acquaintance…”

“It’s really okay.” You promised her, breathing easy for the first time all night now that you were alone with people you actually liked. “She’s kind of awful.”

You all laughed, Rachel covering her face with her hands as she shook her head.

“I wouldn’t worry about it, anyway. Harry wouldn’t do her in a million years.” Logan said with certainty, not finding the situation nearly as comical as you and Rachel did. She was clearly still pissed. “And yes, she is awful. I’m sure even Harry can see that.”

“Yeah, probably.” You agreed, following Rachel as she headed back inside. “I need another drink after that.”

///

It turned out it was Margot’s party you were at, only figuring that out once she invited your little group to spend the night. She had been off somewhere, maybe with Harry, popping back into the living room as the party started winding down.

“You guys don’t have to be in a rush to leave, you can just stay the night here.” She suggested, taking a sip of the same dark brown liquor you’d seen Harry drinking earlier. You absolutely hated the idea of staying here, stealing a glance at Logan and Rachel to see their reactions before saying anything. “I might be a little… preoccupied tonight, but you guys can make yourselves at home.”

With that she skipped away, her hips swaying in a way that looked forced as she exited the room. For a model, you thought to yourself, it was a pretty unattractive walk. But maybe you were biased.

“I’m sorry, Kira, but I would rather gouge my eyes out than stay here.” Logan said almost as soon as Margot's back was turned. Kira let out a giggle, nodding slowly.

“I don’t blame you.” She responded, lowering her voice as she continued. “She’s kind of a bitch she drinks, is all. But not all the time.”

She said that last part mostly to you, a hint of an apology in her voice. You decided that you wouldn’t like her anyway even if she wasn’t drunk, but you didn’t feel the need to share that.

You excused yourself as the girls started talking about some big fashion show happening in Australia in the upcoming weeks, heading toward the kitchen to grab yourself what you swore would be your last drink of the night. You just needed to clear your head. You had made it this far tonight without crying, but the idea of Margot and Harry spending the night together was tipping you over the edge.

You regretted your decision almost instantly, finding Harry leaning against the counter with Margot right in front of him almost pressed to his chest. They were talking about something, and Harry looked friendly enough but turned his head to watch you enter before you could really get a gauge on how interested he was in her. You continued walking as if you didn't notice them, reaching for the Tito’s that was sitting on the island in middle of the room. You could hear Margot's whine of a voice, her words slurring all over Harry's body in front of her.

“Can you excuse me for a second?” You heard Harry cut her off as you began pouring what might be slightly too much vodka into your cup. She protested, saying she was “having so much fun” talking to him and “had to tell him something really, really important.” Harry refused, telling her it would be “just a minute”.

You felt his hand on you a second later, his fingers barely grazing you as if it might burn him to touch. You turned, trying to act as if you hadn’t even known he was there. He dropped his hand, a boyish, nervous smile on his face. You could see a subtle kind of excitement in his eyes as they pierced yours, one that he was trying hard to suppress.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” He asked. You looked over his shoulder at Margot, who was shooting death rays from her eyes toward you.

“I was actually just about to go sit with Logan.” You refused, voice as low as possible so that your eavesdropper wouldn’t be able to hear. The last thing you wanted to do right now was go anywhere with him. “Sorry...”

“Please?” Harry pressed, holding your arms again so that you wouldn't walk away as he gestured with his eyes towards Margot. He raised his eyebrows, a silent cry for help, which left you no choice but to take pity and nod in agreement.

You followed him towards the movie theater room down the hall (yes, a theater), Harry closing the door behind him one you’d both entered.

“Thank you so much!” He breathed, rubbing his hands down his face. “She won’t leave me alone, I swear!”

You laughed softly, cocking your head to the side as you allowed yourself, finally, to take in every detail of Harry before you. He seemed different for some reason, his hair pushed up in a different way then usual. Maybe you were just stoned, but he looked like he had gotten taller. He flopped onto one of the leather seat, taking a deep, tired breath.

“And she’s drank about half of my whiskey!“ He cried out, throwing his hands up in defeat. “I thought I’d never get away!”

You stayed by the door, deciding not to sit next to Harry. It was all too close for comfort. You’d managed to make it through the night just fine, but you suspected that was thanks to the comfortable distance and lack of eye contact. You could already feel yourself slipping now, just being alone in the same room as him.

“I'm happy I could help.” You told him, genuinely meaning it. You weren’t sure if you were more relieved for him or yourself after getting him away from Margot, but you didn’t linger on it. “I'm gonna go find Logan now.”

“Hey, wait.” Harry said, turning around in his chair so that he could peer at you over the back. He looked silly and sleepy, the top of his head bobbing above the armchair as his fingers gripped the chair on either side of his face to lift himself to see over the edge. “Stay for a second.”

You sighed. “Why?”

“So she thinks we’re talking about something.”

You considered it, ultimately deciding to do what you should have done a long time ago.

“No, Harry.”

You tried to exit, Harry spinning around even more in his seat so that he was facing you, half standing.

“Y/N,” He pleaded, eyes softening. For the first time he was looking at you, really looking. The way he used to. “What if I told you I actually just want to talk to you? Will you stay?”

You stiffened your lip, giving him a stern look. You could hold your ground, you knew you could.

“I can't stay in here with you, Harry.” You told him, genuinely meaning it. You physically could not handle it, your hands already clammy and heart beat already too fast for casual.

“What harm will it do?” He asked, fully standing now. You could have laughed.

“You’re unbelievable.” You spit out, trying not to become upset but not able to distract yourself from the feeling. He promised you he wouldn’t keep doing this. He swore it was over, once and for all. It was supposed to be over.

“I’m sorry-”

“I’m not doing this with you!” You spoke up again, hot tears burning the backs of your eyes. You took a deep breath, steadying your voice. “I have to go.”

You really didn't mean to yell, but you were in a panic now. It was fight or flight instinct, your body literally in survival mode. You didn't know if you could survive another conversation like this. You felt bad for snapping at him, knowing he didn't really deserve it, but it was simply an act of animal instinct that was forcing you to bite when you were cornered.

He thought for a minute, gnawing on his lower lip. You didn’t know why you were even waiting for a response, eyes finally spilling over as you were filled to the brim with disappointment in yourself. You knew what you needed to do to keep him away, but you didn't want to do it. You shouldn't have even let it get this far. You turned around again, yanking the door open with one swift tug.

“I started going to this therapist.” Harry blurted out, sticking out a hand as if willing you to stop. You turned around slowly, eyeing him in disbelief. He looked back at you as if he hadn't meant to say that, face beet red with embarrassment. You thought you could see him trembling. You’d never, ever seen him this shaken up.

“That’s great, Harry.” You told him. He grinned shyly, perfect dimples on his perfect face. “Really. I’m happy for you. I'm going to go now.”

You turned to leave again, hoping Margot wasn’t close enough to the hallway to hear what Harry was admitting to you now. You knew he wouldn’t want anyone else listening in on this conversation.

“I talk about you all the time with her.” He continued. His entire body was shaking, his fist curled up in tight bundles next to his sides. You needed to leave. Just leave. Just leave.

“Don’t, Harry..” You whispered instead, once again turning to face him in the dark room. You just couldn't pull yourself away... because as always he was the moon in the room and you were the tide. He kept pulling even as you tried to eb and flow away.

There was soft yellow light coming from the theater fixtures along the walls, painting everything a soft gold color.

“She says I push people away.”

You moved one leaden foot in front of you, taking a single step towards the door. You couldn’t get the second foot to follow.

“I think you let people in just fine.” You spoke no matter how much you willed yourself not to. You couldn’t be doing this right now. Not again.

“She says I sabotage my relationships and I act out when I’m angry because I never learned how to handle my emotions. And- And she says that I can't commit because I'm too afraid of something bad happening so I just stop it before it hurts me-”

His words tumbled out quickly so that he couldn’t stop them if he wanted to. He was saying more than he was meaning to, you could tell. He was breathing heavily, you could literally hear the breaths coming out from his nose.

“Why are you telling me this?” You croaked, for some reason feeling too guilty to walk away while he was sharing all of this with you. What was he trying to prove right now? What point was he trying to make?

“Because I want you to know that I’m trying.” He spoke, his face only deepening in it’s flush. He was so uncomfortable right now, you could hardly stand to look at him. You felt like you were invading his privacy, even if he was sharing it with you willingly. "I swear I didn't plan on saying anything to you about it, but you're here and I just... I just thought you should know."

You stood there in the heat of your anguish, your hurt, your brokenness. It he kept talking you knew you would be forced to snap again, and you didn't want to. But he couldn't stop himself if he tried.

"I know that this is done and it's over and I can't fix it, but..." He took a shaking breath in, hardly able to force the rest of the sentence out. "I can at least try to fix myself. I just don't want you to think this was all a waste..."

“That’s great, H.” You barely spoke, peppering him with each syllable. He smiled weakly at your nickname, his rigid posture relaxing the slightest amount. “But-”

You cut yourself off, shaking your head firmly. You needed to get out of here. You would die if you stayed too much longer. If he was going to continue pulling you, then you needed to push even harder. Not because you wanted to, but because it was your only choice. You bit your cheeks until the skin broke, knowing what you were going to have to do.

“What?” Harry asked. His eyes were pouring into yours unapologetically, his gaze no longer dancing around you the way it had all night. It killed you.

“I don’t want you to tell me stuff like that anymore.” You told him sternly, your jaw tight so that you'd look serious even if your eyes watered. His face visibly fell. “I just– I just don’t want to hear it.”

“I wanted you to know, sunflower. I’m doing this for you-” He sputtered out, thrown off by your rejection. He took a single step towards you.

“Stop it!” You snapped, louder than you meant. He flinched away from you, shaking his head as if he couldn’t fathom why you were so upset. “Stop it! Stop talking! I’m done, okay? I’m done with this! You can only break my heart so many times before there’s nothing left to break! You’ve made your point, and I hope you get the help that you need, but I don’t want to hear about it. Don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t ever pull me into some random room at a party again. Do you understand what I’m saying to you? I can’t take anymore, Harry, I can’t take it!”

You chest heaved, out of breath from your explosion. You spat out all the things you didn’t even know you had inside of you, watching Harry shake his head as his eyes welled up. He opened his mouth to speak but you cut him off the way he always did to you. You had to force yourself to keep going. You had to push just a little bit harder.

“I am so sick of this. I am so tired of you fucking me around because you can’t make up your mind. Every other week it was something else with you and we decided to be done with that, remember? I can't do it anymore. So no, I don’t want to hear about your commitment issues of your therapy sessions or, or, or, or anything! Stop talking to me!” You sucked in a sharp breath, your entire body literally shivering with adrenaline. You felt yourself soften after you’d boiled over but you tried your best to fight it, Harry’s mouth hanging open in front of you. The hurt was written all across his face. “I really am so proud of you. I’m happy that you are working on whatever it is that you need to work on, but you are being cruel to me now and you know that. You’ve known what I wanted from the start and yet you still keep coming around when you know it’s hurting me. I'm done doing that now. I’m begging you, Harry, please. Just leave me alone.”

He didn’t say anything, silent tears falling onto his reddened cheeks as he nodded. You really were begging him now. He crossed his arms around himself, as if soothing the burn.

He was opening up to you and you had slapped him across the face. He was vulnerable and small and honest the way you always wanted him to be and you were punishing him for it. But it was the only way you could protect yourself.

“It doesn’t feel so good when someone tells you they’re done with you, does it?” You asked him, nostrils flaring as you tried to settle your breathing. You had to hit him where it hurt if you wanted him to stay away. It made you sick to your stomach. He didn’t respond to your question, but you didn’t want him too. “I’m not trying to hurt you because I know how this feels but I have to stand up for myself at some point. You’ve told me over and over again that you were done with me and I still waited around for the moment you were ready to string me along again. I’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting… and now I'm done. I’m tired, Harry, too tired to keep this going any longer. So, this is me telling you.”

He couldn’t speak, his expression crippled and broken. He was shaking his head, mouth hung open uselessly because he couldn’t force anything out. You felt evil looking at him right now. You felt vile and rotten and cruel, but you couldn’t take back what you’d said. You needed this to stop.

“Telling me what?” He choked. His lips pressed together in a frown, his chin wrinkling the way it always did when he was trying not to cry. He wiped his face, waiting for you to finally pull the trigger. You could see him trying to shove it all down, to make it all hurt less. You could see him trying to be brave.

“That I’m done, Harry.” You answered. He nodded his head, bottom lip tucked between his teeth. He started cracking again, but you turned to leave before you could watch it happen.

You stepped out of the open door, finally, coming almost chest to chest with fucking Margot who was stood just outside the door. Her eyes were wide, her mouth hung open in shock. How much of that had she heard? You looked back at her blankly. She didn’t say a word, and she didn’t make any move to back away to give you room to walk back to your friends in the other room.

“He’s all yours.” You muttered, stepping around her with heated feet. You regretted saying that almost immediately, knowing that you had taken it too far. But you just continued down the hallway, watching in your peripheral as she actually did walk into the theater room you were leaving behind. You could hardly fucking believe the nerve she had. She must have heard that he was upset, and she still had the audacity to just go waltzing in when he was at his lowest point. You wanted to turn around and tell her off, to protect Harry from having to be caught in such a vulnerable moment. You wanted to throw your body into the doorway and keep the entire world out, to give Harry all the time he needed to heal and grow and change. You would have sacrificed yourself a million times for him just so he could be better, the way he was trying to be. But you couldn't let yourself do that anymore.

You broke down immediately as you walked away, sobbing openly at another party for what felt like the hundredth time. You hated what you’d said to him. You felt awful about it, so much so that your hands began gripping your arms on either side as if in punishment. You could feel your fingernails digging into the soft flesh of your triceps and you almost hoped you'd break the skin. You knew you needed to guard yourself and you knew you had to keep a distance if you wanted to make it out alive, but you just wished you didn't have to do it that way. Not when he was telling you something like that. That's why you told him not to tell you anything like that anymore, because you didn't want to have to push him away when he did. You told him not to talk to you anymore, not because you didn't want to hear his voice but because you knew you'd be forced to hurt him if he tried as an act of self preservation. He probably just thought that you were angry and you didn't care anymore but you did. You wanted to apologize, to tell him you were sorry and that you did care, more than anything. You wanted to tell him again that you were proud of him and that you didn't mean it, but you couldn't.

You had so much going on right now, too much for you to handle. It was so heavy- the weight of it compressing your spin and forcing your shins to splinter as you tried to carry it. The album, the interviews, the perfect smiles in public, Anders, the nightmares... It was all just too much. You couldn't add anymore heartbreak on top of that. Harry had to be the one you let go, even if you had to force him to leave as he kicked and screamed and called you sunflower...

You turned the corner, finding Logan and Rachel with their coats already on. They were waiting for you by the door, their eyes widening in surprise as they took in the state of you. You shook your head, silently telling them not to ask. Kira was with them, clearly uncomfortable as she looked between the three of you.

“She’s with Harry.” You told her, referring to her friend. She nodded, still standing in stunned silence. Her dark hair bobbed with her as her head moved back to Rachel.

“I’ll, uh, go find her.” She said after a minute, giving herself an excuse to leave you to your friends. “It was great to meet you, really.” She added before walking off. You smiled, feeling bad. She really did seem like a nice girl.

She didn’t get very far on her journey to the theater, stopping dead in her tracks as Margot and Harry came tearing around the corner. Harry was in front, taking long strides as Margot literally had to run in her heels to keep up with him. She was literally chasing after him as he hurried toward the exit.

“Harry wait!” She squealed, trying to reach out to him. “You should stay here! You shouldn’t be alone right now!”

Who the fuck was she to act as if she had any idea how he was feeling or what he needed? She didn't know that first thing about him or what he was going through. Harry came pushing passed you, Logan, and Rachel, his shoulder checking into you as he squeezed towards the door. He wasn’t crying anymore, but you could tell by the split second look you got that his eyes were still an angry red. You just watched as he walked away. Margot continued calling after him, embarrassing herself further by begging him to stay.

“Thanks so much for the invite.” He said to her, not bothering to turn his head back to her as he spoke. “I had a lovely time.”

And with that he was gone, practically running out the front door. Even as upset as he was he still had to be a good guest, thanking her as genuinely as he could before he left. Margot froze in her tracks, her face pinched in the middle as she stomped her foot like a child.

“What are you looking at?” She screamed specifically towards you. “Leave!”

Her arm shot up to point at the door, and you wasted no time doing as she said. You followed your friends out to the car Rachel had waiting for her outside, leaving Margot alone with poor Kira.

You got outside, seeing Harry stood on the sidewalk with his face buried in his phone. He was probably summoning a car, if you had to guess. He didn’t notice you all exit, giving you the chance to watch him closely against your better judgement. He was wiping his nose on his sleeve, his floodgates suddenly open now that he thought he was alone. His shoulders were shaking as you and your friends filed into the car.

He only looked up once he heard the car door shut with a loud thud, the driver quick to put it in drive. He looked over to you all, unable to see anything through the dark tint of the windows, before turning himself so that none of you could see him, either.

You hoped the car would crash on your way home. You hoped you would be thrown out of the windshield and onto the highway and you wouldn't have to think about this or anything else ever again. Harry didn't deserve this, not any of it. He was good. He was only trying to be better and you made him feel horrible for it every chance you got. From the start you should have been more understanding, you should have told him it was okay and that you loved him either way. You hated that you couldn't do that for him. You saw now, for the first time, just how wrong you had been about the whole thing. If Christian had gotten to him so badly, there must have already been issues hidden deeper than you even knew. When he told you he was trying, he meant it. But there was more he was trying to fix than just whatever was going on between the two of you. He wanted you to know that but he couldn't ever say it, until tonight. And you spat in his face.

Harry deserved someone who was able to see that. Not you, who guilted him instead of just letting him get better. That's why he asked you to be his friend, not because he was feeding you some classic breakup line about "staying friends", but because he genuinely needed one right now. He was hurting. But you weren't strong enough to do that for him, and that in and of itself proved that you were never even worthy of his friendship to begin with.

You remembered, just a few weeks ago, when you'd sat together on the couch in your living room. He was acting strange all night, so normal. But right about now he probably desperately needed for something to feel normal if he was struggling the way you saw him struggle tonight. You'd never seen him so shaken up. You'd brought up the breakup that night, again, and he'd told you he was trying. You didn't understand what he'd meant then, but you saw it now. He wasn't just trying to be your friend, he was trying to survive the same way you were. And you threw yourself at him, you didn't have the courtesy of pretending like there was nothing going on the way he needed you to. You were making this impossible for him the same way he was making it impossible for you.

The way you'd forced yourself to push him away tonight was the same way he'd been forcing himself to push you away this entire time. Sure, he'd slipped up a few times and gotten closer than he meant to, but could you blame him? The hurt you felt right now over turning him away... He had felt that over and over and over every time you begged him to take you back. That realization made you sick to your stomach, literally, your hands having to come down to your abdomen to claw at the ache.

“Maybe we should at least give him a ride...” Logan dared to whisper, her gentle heart aching for him. But Rachel shook her head.

“He’ll be fine, I think.” She said, and you knew it was for your sake. She turned her head to look out the window next to her, the car starting to move down the street. You could see a pair of headlights approaching just as you began to drive away, stopping next to Harry on the curb. “See?” Rachel said, though she couldn’t hide the relief in her voice that you weren’t actually about to leave him standing there alone. You bit your lip and stared out the other side of the car.

KEEP READING BESTIES

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noyaism · 3 years

Text

No Manners

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 5k

Warnings: enemies/rivals to lovers, public sex, hate sex, heavy degrading, edging, choking, overstim, teasing, size kink, power dynamics, sir!Tsukki, dacryphilia, humiliation, spanking, slapping, exhibitionism, sadism, masochism, dumbification, creampie, this shit is pure filth (let me know if I missed any warnings!)

Song Inspo: No Manners - Superm

If there was anything you prided yourself on, it was being the smartest person in any given room you walked into. School had always come so easily to you, no subject too hard, no concept you wouldn't understand. That was, until you got to college. University was a beast unto its own, and it showed you that maybe the genius you had always believed you possessed could indeed be threatened.

While you found yourself at the top at almost every single class you took, your economics class was your Achilles heel. It irked you how the information just didn’t seem to mesh with you. It made you feel so inferior, and that wasn’t something you were used to. It also wasn’t something Tsukishima Kei was used to, however, thanks to you he was feeling a new sense of inferiority that was completely foreign to him. He, like you, was used to being at the top of his class, nobody coming close to him academically. Then, he got to university, and unfortunately for him you two shared a major, and took the exact same classes. It was odd enough in the first semester, and when it ended he was so glad to finally get away from you, and to regain his status.

Then the second semester came and once again, you both signed up for the exact same classes. This time was different, though, because finally, Tsukishima held something over you; you couldn’t understand economics to save your life, and it came to Tsukishima as easily as everything else did.

Understandably, the two of you had developed a bit of a rivalry. It would come around every so often that Tsukki did better than you on a test, scored higher in a lab, and it drove you insane how he would rub it in, so when you did better than him, you did the same. The two of you were starting to hate each other’s guts. However, you were on the verge of failing your economics class, and there wasn’t going to be anyone better to help you study than Tsukishima. When you asked him to help you study he straight up laughed in your face, entertained by the fact you were actually coming to him for help. It was such a stroke to his ego, he couldn’t possibly say no.

You two scheduled a study session for the following Friday evening. You met in one of the study rooms up on the third floor around five, intending to stay for a couple hours. Tsukishima had arrived a little early, as you walked in you saw him with his notebook and laptop out on the table, writing down some notes. You took a seat next to him, getting yourself ready to begin. As he attempted to explain all these concepts to you; rambling on about monopolies and price ceilings and deficits, none of it was clicking. You asked him to explain things time and time again, and he was getting visibly irritated the more you seemed to not be getting things.

“You agreed to help me study, Tsukishima. You can't go on and complain now that I don’t get it, you knew I didn't.”

“Yeah, I got that part, but I wasn’t expecting you to be this utterly dense.”

You folded your arms across your chest, letting out a small huff under your breath.

“You're such a dick.” You muttered, not thinking much of the remark. It was an unequivocal fact that anyone who ever came in contact with him had to know, which you yourself already knew quite well, but you hadn't expected him to be this bad personally. You thought since you were undoubtedly better at him in any other subject you would at least be spared of his ill mannered remarks, but it seemed to be the opposite; he'd get on you because you were so much better at him in everything else. It was the one thing he held over you, and he was going to make the absolute most of it.

“What did you call me?” He asked, snapping his head in your direction.

“I called you a dick, because you are. I get it, okay? I don’t understand the material, it’s above my intelligence level, I’m the dumbest bitch in the world. Cool, fine, awesome. If tutoring me is that much of a pain I’ll just go, alright? Enjoy the rest of your evening.”

Utterly fed up, you tossed all of your things into your backpack and got up from your seat, starting to storm away. Tsukishima watched you as you went for the door, only momentarily, before getting up and following behind you. You barely got the door unlocked and open before a forceful push of a hand from above shut it, and you turned and looked up at the man, confused as to what it was he was doing.

“We aren’t done studying.”

“Yes we are. I can’t take your shit anymore, I’m done.”

“No, we’re gonna stay here and work on this until you get it,” He lowered himself down to make more direct eye contact with you.

“Got me?” He finished, once the two of you were level. You let out a chuckle, shaking your head a bit. This situation was unbelievable, and he was totally impossible. You weren’t sure how much clearer you could possibly get, but you had no problem reiterating yourself.

“No, I don’t. Makes sense that I don’t, right? ‘Cuz I’m ‘utterly dense’, as you said.”

“And incredibly mouthy, apparently.”

“Only when dealing with assholes like you.” Tsukishima let out a chuckle of his own after that line, straightening himself up and looking down on you once again. You hated when he did that, but it wasn’t like he had much choice, he towered over your much smaller frame. It personified your current situation almost too well.

“You know, someone should put little girls like you in their place.” He fairly quickly retorted.

“And someone should knock tall elitists like you down a peg.” You scoffed.

“I’d love to see you try.” Tsukishima took a couple steps back from you after speaking, as if to quite literally challenge you to do something. You weren’t a violent person to say the least, but at that moment you would’ve paid good money to punch the man before you in the face, and it seemed you were going to get the opportunity for free. How could you possibly pass that up?

You dropped your backpack onto the floor, lurching forward at Tsukishima before it even hit the floor. To your utter surprise he caught you before you got too close, his hand wrapped around your neck. It was nowhere near a tight grip, but it left you breathless, and forced you to look up at the blonde. There was this smirk on his face, like you had done exactly what he wanted you to, like he now had you in the palm of his hand. The look in his eye was so devilish, nobody had ever looked at you like that. You almost didn’t know what to make of it, almost.

“Now now, dumb little whores like you don’t get to touch me.” The pure filth that fell from his lips confirmed exactly what you rationalized from his gaze. It was all you needed.

“Fuck me, now.”

Tsukishima needed no further instruction, moving his hand off your throat and down to your thigh, pulling your leg up and prompting you to wrap yourself around him. He caught you midway through your small jump, and in an instant your lips crashed together. You couldn’t shake just how angry he made you, and he couldn’t shake how sexy you looked when you were mad. That little body of yours held so much aggression in it, and since he was more than willing to let out the beast in you, Tsukki was just as willing to tame it.

In fact, he would take great pleasure in doing so.

Tsukki walked back over to the table you two were sat at, placing you down onto the cold, manicured wood. The exchange of your lips was filled to the brim in the most carnal, lustful intent. The two of you fought for dominance with it, neither of you having even the slightest intention of backing down. Tsukishima was already more than frustrated with you, and your attempts to gain control of the situation weren't helping.

With a swift move he pulled away from the kiss and brought a hand around your neck once again, this time giving it a fairly decent grip. His face looked so calm, like this was nothing he hadn't done before, but his actions told a completely different story. How he managed to keep his expression so composed while taking full control of you made a shiver run down your spine, and the heat between your thighs grow exponentially.

“Listen; I’m the one in charge here, y/n. What makes you think a tiny, powerless slut like you could ever even attempt to control someone so much bigger, so much stronger than them, hm?”

“I-I dunno…” You stuttered out, much to Tsukishima’s liking.

“You don’t know, that's exactly what I thought. Well then, let me teach you where your place is.” While his left hand maintained its place around your throat, his right hand snaked up your thigh and under your skirt, his fingers ghosting over your clothed sex. The faint contact made you whine, you couldn't stand how badly you needed him to touch you. Your eyes pleaded for him to do something, and he basked in the glory of making you so weak so quickly. He then obliged, rubbing small, slow circles onto your clit.

“Your place is right here; being dominated by me. You will feel pleasure only when I allow you to. You will cum only when I allow you to. You will be obedient, and you’ll love every second of it. Am I understood?”

You nodded your head with what free range of motion you had, your hips bucking in the direction of his fingers, trying to gain more pleasure in the only way you currently could.

“Use your words, and address me only as sir.” He instructed, moving his fingers away from you. It was bad enough his moves were teasing at best, but denying you of any contact completely was infinitely worse.

“Yes, sir. I understand.”

Tsukishima let go of your throat, using both hands to undress you, leaving you in nothing but your panties, which were horribly stained with your eagerness. It stroked his ego immensely, looking at the girl who plagued his mind, who made him feel so inferior so many times, naked in front of him, so ready to be ravaged by him. So exposed, so pathetic, but so undeniably sexy.

He pulled up a chair, taking a seat in between your legs. His fingers danced over the skin of your inner thigh, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. You felt so needy all you could do was whine, not a single beg or plead coming from you. He hooked a finger onto the side of your panties, pulling them over to get a good look at you. Your pussy glistened under the fluorescent lights, coated in wetness you had never experienced before. It was like a work of art for Tsukki, who took a minute to admire the piece before he pulled your underwear off of you entirely.

He took his left thumb and ran it down the length of your sex, dipping between your folds before coming back up to your clit, finally starting to please you again. A moan slipped from between your lips, filling the quiet of the room. Tsukishima brought two fingers from his opposite hand up to your lips, and without needing instruction you allowed them entry. Your tongue swirled around his digits, a slight hum ringing from your throat as your oral fixation was satisfied.

His fingers left your mouth with a small pop, and they were brought down to your core. They prodded at your entrance, teasing you by the anticipation of entry. You wanted it, wanted it so bad it was much more a need, and at that point you weren’t too proud to beg for it. Just as your lips parted Tsukishima pushed them into you, a whine coming from you instead. You fell back onto the table, your back arching off the wood as his fingers worked wonders unknown on you. With an upward curl he brushed up against your g-spot, your hips bucking upward in response. The pads of his fingers massaged the rough patch of flesh momentarily, making your legs shake as helpless little curses fell from your lips.

As he began pumping his fingers again he also sped up the rate at which his thumb circled your clit, and it became quite clear to Tsukki that your orgasm was approaching, and was doing so fast. You could feel the knot in your stomach getting tighter and tighter, it was almost unbearable. You heard his voice say something, but your head was spinning you could barely make it out.

“Answer me, slut. I’m not repeating myself.” Was all you could make out, but considering you didn’t know the question, it was an impossible feat. Just as your orgasm was about to arrive Tsukishima removed his fingers from you, his thumb ceased all movement, and you were left with a ruined orgasm and your hips bucking into the air.

“You’re not cumming until you can answer one of my questions correctly. That should be good enough incentive for a stupid, needy little bitch like you, right?” You propped yourself up on your arms, looking at Tsukishima in utter bewilderment. You couldn’t believe what he was saying, or that he was going to make you answer questions in order to cum, but you had to admit he wasn’t wrong. It was a pretty good incentive.

“Y-yes sir.”

With a quick smirk Tsukki sank his head down between your thighs, his tongue dipping into your pussy, savoring your delectably sweet taste. His his hands held the backs of your thighs, giving himself unrestricted access to your sex. His tongue flicked over your clit every so often before lapping up your juices again, until he finally gave the bud uninterrupted attention. His lips latched around it, starting to suck as his fingers entered you once more. Your back arched sharply, and your hands moved to tangle into his hair, tugging on the blonde strands. Before you could even process what it was you had done, Tsukishima was hovering above you, slapping your cheek before taking a rough hold of your chin.

“I told you not to touch me, did I not?” You nodded your head frantically,

“You d-did, sir. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you will be. Off the table.”

You followed your instructions, and as soon as your feet hit the ground Tsukishima pulled you onto your knees, and held your chin in his hand once again, forcing you to look up at him.

“I don't think I need to tell you what to do here, do I?” You shook your head lightly, your eyes full of wonder as you looked at him.

“No, sir.”

“Good, then show me that you're actually good at something.”

You shimmied in between Tsukishima’s legs, frantic hands fiddling with his belt as you tried to get his pants off as quickly as possible. You didn't know what was causing you to be so eager, but something in you urged you to act as quickly as possible. As you pulled his pants and boxers down his erection sprang free, the pure size of him catching you off guard. You were no inexperienced woman, this wasn't your first time seeing a penis, but you had yet to deal with anyone of his size. It was a bit intimidating, if you were to be completely honest.

As you were told, you weren't allowed to actually touch him. You presumed if you used your hands at all it wasn't going to end well for you, but to that you could fairly easily oldige. You licked a long stripe from the base of his length up to his tip, your tongue pressing along a vein that ran that same course. You circled his tip before sucking on it, letting out a satisfied moan around him as his precum leaked out onto your tastebuds.

You started to take him further into your mouth, each bob of your head adding another inch until you had all of him. Your eyes watered as you felt him in the back of your throat, and you gasped as you came up for air. Tsukishima looked down at you, smirking as he saw a tear run down your cheek.

“You should do more of that.”

“More of what?” You asked, tilting your head in confusion.

“Crying for me.”

Tsukki took hold of your hair, forcing his cock into your mouth and once again making you take the entirety of him. He held you there, letting out a groan as you choked around him. He brought you up for air and marveled at the tears running down your face, and the desperate look in your eyes. It was art for him and him alone to scrutinize, and he was most certainly a fan of the piece. Before you could fully focus your attention he was in your mouth again, his hips pushing up off the chair as he fucked your face. You gagged around his length, the sounds remarkably gratifying for Tsukishima to hear.

He brought you back up for air one final time, holding your head up so the two of you made eye contact. He chuckled at you, admiring your current state. Spit dribbled from the sides of your mouth, tears spilled out of your eyes, and you were perilously trying to catch your breath.

“Messy little girl. You're looking more and more like the stupid little slut I've always known you are. Cmon, say it for me, tell me you're a stupid little slut.”

As if his words weren't degrading enough, this request was surely the icing on the cake, the cherry on top of the sundae. He had you exactly where he wanted you, powerless and obedient. Just a small little toy for him to play with how he pleased. He wasn't satisfied with your lack of obedience, and slapped your cheek once again, roughly grabbing your face after.

“I wasn't giving you an option. Say it.” He demanded.

“I-I’m a stupid little slut.” You complied, your voice barely above a whisper.

“I can't fucking hear you.”

“I’m a stupid little slut!” You repeated, much louder this time. Tsukishima let out a satisfied chuckle, nodding his head.

“That's right, and who's stupid little slut are you?”

“Y-your stupid little slut, sir.”

“That’s right.”

Tsukishima pulled you up off the floor, laying you out on the table. He pulled his shirt off, your eyes combing over every little detail of him. You knew on top of being a student he played volleyball, so he had to be fairly muscular, but you weren't expecting what you got. He had a body even Odysseus would be jealous of, making you the ever loyal Penelope.

Tsukki lubed himself up with your wetness, as you were far from falling short of it. No man was ever this rough with you, ever this dominant. It turned you on more than you would like to admit, but there was no need to with Tsukishima. He could tell from the look in your eyes, the tone of your voice, the way your hips slightly bucked as you sucked him off.

Without warning his tip began to prod at your entrance before starting to slip in. It was no easy feat, though. You were incredibly tight, and even then you hadn't taken anything even close to Tsukishima’s size. He took things slow, watching as every inch of him stretched you further. You whimpered at the sensation, it was intoxicating beyond what your words could even describe. A groan slipped between his lips as he bottomed out, light curses following it. The way you tightened around him made it so hard for him to control himself, but he knew you needed a moment, and he wasn't trying to hurt you.

Not at the moment, at least.

You nodded your head lightly as you felt adjusted, giving him free reign over your body once again. Tsukki grabbed your hands, pinning them above your head before he began to move. He slowly started to pull out, and with a sudden snap you were once again taking all of him, a soft scream coming from you. He did this a couple times, watching how your body jolted. Feeling how your thighs tensed up next to him. Each of these thrusts hit your cervix, sending you reeling each time.

He picked up the pace, starting to pound into you at a relentless pace. You wrapped your legs around his waist, keeping him close and forcing him to go as deep in you as possible. Tsukishima brought one of his hands down to wrap around your neck, the other still holding your wrists in place. He gave the sides of your neck a squeeze, the lack of circulation rushing toward you just as he hit you with a particularly hard thrust. A light scream fell from your lips, the pleasure in that moment so crazily overwhelming. This routine continued; harder thrusts while he actively choked you, very slightly less hard ones as he gave you a moment to breathe correctly, all the while denying you of your high.

“You better not cum, slut.” He warned as he felt you once again starting to get just a bit too tight around him.

“W-wanna cum....so bad.” You weakly replied, tears welling in your eyes as you spoke. Once again, just as you were on the precipice of release, Tsukishima denied you again, pulling out and leaving you empty. Tears fell from your eyes as you uselessly whimpered and protested, all of it only earning you another slap to your cheek.

“Really thought I’d let you, huh? Dumb little bitch.” He said as he turned you over onto your stomach. He filled you up again, but before he moved any further he began raining spank after spank onto your ass. You could only assume it was punishment, but it felt far from it. The pain was nothing but masochistic pleasure for you, and sadistic pleasure for him. Each stung more than the last, and thus each felt even better than the last.

Your senses were so overloaded as he started to thrust into you again that your brain had turned to utter mush. Coherent thought was so far behind you it was like it was never something you could’ve done in the first place. The only thing you could process was pleasure, and to enhance it you lifted one of your legs back up onto the table, the other continuing to stay hanging over to keep yourself up. This new angle let Tsukishima hit sinfully deep in you once again, adding to the utter brainrot you were experiencing. Words no longer were an option for you, only whines and whimpers, a stray profanity at the very best.

Tsukishima grabbed a fistful of your hair, picking your head up off the table. He made you look in the direction of the door, bending down to speak into your ear.

“Look, you left the door unlocked. Someone could come in at any moment and watch you getting fucked like the little whore you are. But I’m sure you'd like it if someone saw us, wouldn't you?”

You couldn't bring yourself to form any sort of coherent response, and Tsukki very well knew that. He chuckled at your attempt to reply, which was just a rhythmic whine as if you were trying to get some words out.

“You're not very quiet, either. Stupid sluts like you like having everyone know how good they feel, don't they? I’m sure someone's come by to spy in, hearing how utterly pathetic you sound.”

His words only made you whine and whimper more, your head in an absolute daze from the sheer amount of pleasure you felt. Tsukki let go of your hair and your head fell down, and you got a good look at yourself in the mirrored wood table. Your mouth was hanging open, your hair a tangled mess and drool slipping from the corner of your parted lips. He had fucked you so past dumb you didn't even know you could be this far gone, and all the while you still had no clue if you would be allowed to cum.

Your hips pushed back against his, meeting every one of his thrusts and forcing him deeper. Each time he re-entered his tip made quick contact with your cervix, the repeated feeling driving you absolutely crazy. Your eyes rolled back as you let yourself fall onto the wood once again. You took everything he gave you, all the while holding your orgasm back. Each time he felt you were a little too close he pulled out, you couldn't even count how many times you'd been denied release, you were sure the number was shameful. You could tell this was getting harder on Tsukishima as well, the twitching and pulsating of his cock inside you letting you know he was having trouble holding back as well.

You saw no use in begging at this point, and you couldn't have mustered the words for it even if you wanted to. You simply whined and whimpered with every thrust, your body jolting forward each time. Tsukki held on tight to your hips, keeping you in place as he pounded mercilessly into you. In your daze all your senses had dulled, but you could hear just enough for Tsukishima's next four words to be heard, almost as clear as day.

“Cum. Do it now.”

In an instant you finally let yourself topple over the edge. Your voice was so hoarse you couldn't scream, rather you let out something between an incredibly loud moan and a whimper, your back arching and your legs shaking vigorously. Tears spilled from your eyes as your body was overrun by an orgasm unlike any other you had experienced. The feeling was only intensified by Tsukishima cumming inside you, depositing a sizable load inside of you. Your vision was blurry and a little white around the edges, and your chest heaved as you let out shallow breaths. Soreness set into your body as you took time to regain yourself, almost ten minutes passing before either of you even thought to move.

Tsukki pulled out of you slowly, admiring how fucked out you looked, your small body sprawled out on the table. He figured moving would be hard for you, so he gently let your leg down and peeled you off the table, sitting down in the chair behind him and sitting you on his lap. Your head fell on his shoulder, your eyes still a little glazed over, but for the most part it seemed you had come to.

“Are you feeling okay?” You nodded your head lightly, your breath finally leveling out. Your throat was pretty scratchy, and you knew your voice would be raspy, so you just didn't bother speaking yet.

“What have you learned today, then?”

“A good couple things.” You croaked out, wiping a stray tear from your cheek.

“Oh really? Enlighten me.”

“Well, I learned that economics is just something I'm never really going to understand. I also learned that you are a complete and utter asshole, even worse than I thought. Finally, I learned that you are a way more experienced man than I thought you were, and maybe I don't hate you as much as I was letting on.”

Tsukishima laughed out lightly, giving you a bit of an approving nod.

“Good, I’m glad I at least taught you something. Maybe not what I originally intended, but learning is learning. I think with a couple more study sessions you’ll start to understand the econ material, though.”

You didn't say this out loud, but the thought of getting to spend some more alone time with Tsukishima actually wasn't the most terrible thought in the world. It seemed clear enough to you that the resentment between you two was clearly something much, much different than that, and so you were open to the thought of exploring what it actually was. Maybe not in as much of an erotic way as you just had next time. Not that you would've minded if it escalated to that point.

Although, you thought, if Tsukki was going to fuck you like that every time, brainrot from class material was going to be the least of your worries.

The both of you made yourselves presentable again, packing up all your belongings and leaving the room clean before walking out, which you did fairly slowly due to how sore your legs were. You both walked through the library, which was overwhelmingly empty besides a few staff members working hard at hardly working. It was to be expected; it was a Friday night and you were the only two in the world who'd pick studying over any other activity. You stopped just outside the entrance, turning to your side and giving Tsukishima a wave.

“I guess I’ll catch you later then, Tsukishima.”

“Oh, so no thank you for helping you study? I guess the one thing I didn't teach you was manners, huh y/n?” You chuckled at his comment, shaking your head a bit.

“Guess you didn’t. It’ll have to wait until next time.” You turned on your heel and started in the direction of the train. Before you could get far Tsukki grabbed your arm and pulled you back over to him, holding your chin so softly with his other hand, the action so outrageously condescending.

“Oh no, I’ll gladly teach you right now.”

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